#literally regardless of how someone looked if i found out i couldnt have that with them i would lose interest

[gaypleasantview]

A, F, I, L , P, V and Y (lmao so many but i'm curious)

TYSMMMMM

A: Favorite CC creator

Honestly its so hard to say bc i love so many 😭 naturally im a fan of creators that create or used to create something essential and super cool like platasp, jacky93sims, moni lisa sims, skittlessims, leto mills, linacheries, pooklet and azaya, mrs mquve, riekus13, rockethorse, applewatersugar, pforest, kestrelteens, vidcunds, sammy sundog, and probably a whole bunch of other creators that i forgot... if i had to pick someone i have a special love for it would be leaf-storm because im such a huge fan of their cc 😭 and naturally i got to mention you and dirk as my beloveds that im always so excited to see new stuff from 🙏🙏

F: Gameplay with or without cheats

Well im a legacy challenge kid, thats where i came from and thats i will forever be, and those require you to abstain from cheats so i got used to making money myself and its super fun, as a kid i would always abuse rosebud and motherlode and honestly when it comes to the first one its probably justified bc playing ts1 with cheap furniture is hell 😃 but with the other games its not the same! i gotta say i started building more recently so the basic building cheats are as necessary as ever but also i think i love testingcheats so much im just gonna have this mod tattooed on me literally bc its so scary and gives you too much power but the fun of it cant be described. i used to abuse it as a kid as well

I: Your Bella Goth theories

Honestly im a bit tired of all the bella business but i accept any theories, i havent decided on one myself but i lean towards thinking bella is in strangetown but is strangetown bella The bella? idk. i also dont like that bella from psp said she married for money and i dont believe her bc her and mortimer are the only true love in the universe it feels sometimes

L: Have your sims ever cheated?

As a kid i made Chester Gieke successful and he was my favorite sim, i also grew up with a lot of christian guilt but it looks like i played chester before that happened bc once i opened his save after a few years i was completely shocked betrayed and upset when i saw that he fucked four women two of which were his robots? i love that i had fun with it as a 8 or 9 yo bc later in life i cared for sims too much to make them cheat 😭 i do wanna play as a romance sim sometime bc i never truly experienced that but i still feel bad when my sims are sad so we'll see

P: Pose or play your sims?

I may not be super good at it but i loovvee posing sims with animations, everything else mostly just looks too basic to me bc once youve seen a pose a few times youre gonna recognize it everywhere and its not as fun anymore. but i still like them regardless! i just think im mostly better off using parts posers, animations or just literal gameplay so that people wont be annoyed with my pictures (honestly tho who cares. its my game) but in general gameplay is my favorite, even though ive always been a big fan of screenshotting, esp in ts3

V: How did you start playing the sims?

When i was about 5 yo we moved into a new place and we got a computer and my sister heard from her classmates about the sims, of course we had to go to our insanely-popular-at-the-time book market that had many many ill*gal game cds lol it was really hard to get a real copy back home bc ts2 wasnt localized in my language and ts1 wasnt even published in any nearby countries at all i think so people had to localize it themselves. we found a stand that had every ts1 expansion on display and we couldnt pick between makin magic and superstar i think. but superstar had xtina on the cover so of course we picked it, turned out it was superstar and literally everything that came before it (that is everything ts1 had except making magic). so that was my first sims game and i kind of dedicated my life to my love for it ever since. i dont remember how we started playing ts2 but i remember my first time playing it

Y: Favorite career

Paranormal probably 😭 bc i loved resurrecting sims. and idk maybe culinary and science? i love ghost hunters in ts3 🙏

[milkacchan]

Request for anon: Bakugou and the reader are best friends --that he refuses to admit he's in love with-- but when it comes to other dudes, he acts like their guard dog. He overhears some jerks laughing about it calling the reader names and saying he could have anyone else in his class and goes off. The reader catches him fighting and stops it wondering what got into him but he refuses to tell them

2 things before we start

1. I'm gonna start doing tagging, so comment if you want to be tagged on the next posts. Starting out with 10 tags.

2. I listened to the song home by Catie Turner while I was writing this bc I wanted to be in my feels. So put that song on repeat while you read it.

Bakugou Katsuki honestly had no intentions of falling in love. He didn't have intentions of being friends with anyone really. Obviously Kirishima changed that- with the Bakusquad. But with you he fell deeper than he meant to with friends.

But Bakugou Katsuki was in deep. He was in so deep. And he fucking hated it but he wouldn't change it for the damn world.

Bakugou Katsuki, could not see himself with anyone but you. He's in full denial about it, of course. He could have any girl in the class, school even. Girls doted on him. His first year not so much, but after valentines day during his second year, he noticed (you did too) that women flocked to him. Some of them were cute, he'd admit, but if he tried to picture himself with any of them he felt weird. Sick almost. He figured it was just because he didnt know them- or he didnt want a relationship at the moment. But then came the fatal mistake.

You'd made him lunch, his favorite to be exact. You made him snacks every once in a while but this was new. You gave it to him, telling him it was extra from your lunch and walked away. He smiled to himself at the thought of making lunch for him, because you wanted to, not because it was extra- and that's when it happened. He thought of himself with you. This time he didnt feel weird, he didn't feel sick, he felt content, happy.

He ate his lunch that day in silence, away from the rest of his friends, hidden in the 1-A classroom. Aizawa didn't question it.

He tells his mom and his mom only. He'd be damned if shitty hair found out. He'd be even more damned if Mina or Kaminari found out because the two couldn't keep their mouths shut for the life of them.

"Katsuki you have a crush."

"Great, how do I get rid of it?"

"You don't? Katsuki have you never had a crush before?"

"Absolutely not."

"Wow, i just assumed you'd kept them from me and your father like every other teen."

"No I just don't have feelings, hag."

For the next half hour, he and his mother discuss what he could do. If he would do anything.

"Does she like you back?"

"How the fuck would I know?"

"Has she done anything out of the ordinary?"

"I mean she made lunch for me yesterday."

"Wow shes literally in love with you."

"Shut UP."

"Katsu, why dont you try making a move? They flirting?"

"Because she doesn't like me and I don't feel like dealing with rejection."

His mother sighed.

He went to school the next day, unsure of how to proceed when he spoke to you. How would it go down in the dorms? Theoretically he could just deny any attraction to you and be on his way- but he didnt want to loose you. He didn't want you out of his life, he knew that much. So he settled for just treating you as he always had.

However, when it came to other boys- he was on top of it. Just because he woukdnt make a move on you, didnt mean he'd let the greasy boys that flocked you. You deserved better than them. You knew it too. You were quietly thankful for his protection against unwanted attention from the boys.

He could pick up your signs of gratitude and he had no intention to stop. Especially when he heard guys talking, about you specifically.

Just listening to the words that oozed put of his mouth about you pissed him off.

"I could have any girl in the school." The boy scoffed. "Especially her- god I bet she's really fucking easy. She's never had a boyfriend and based on her personality it wouldn't be hard to hit it and leave-"

Katsuki had never swung on someone so quick in his life. His body acted before he could even think. Asshole boy stumbled back a little before lunging for Katsuki, grabbing his shirt and throwing his bodyweight on him to push him back. However- it wasn't really a match for him. A kid from the business class against Katsuki bakugou- part of the great three? No.

He refrained from using his quirk, knowing this- you'd rubbed off on him more than he cared to admit. But that didn't stop his fist from coming down on his face.

"Don't you DARE talk about her like that- she's not a fuckin object for your enjoyment you asshole-" He growled, his fist making contact with his face again.

"Katsu!" A voice yelled before he was being pulled off. A gentle hand cupped his cheek and turned his head. You. He saw you- through the red there was you. "What are you doing?" You ask softly- bowing slightly in apology before dragging him off.

He didn't say anything as he was lead down the hallway. That guy deserved what happened. He deserved every second of it.

"Katsu? Katsu- are you listening?"

"Hm?"

"I was asking if you were okay. Your cheek is bruised." You stopped, gently touching his cheek.

You were always concerned with his wellbeing. How he was- before anything you made sure he was okay. Regardless of the circumstances- before he was scolded or cursed out, you made sure he was okay. Physically and mentally.

"'M fine." He mumbled, looking down. "M okay."

You nodded, leading him down the hallway once more- walking into the dorm. You grabbed something from the kitchen and then lead him to your room, having him sit on the bed.

"Katsu, what happened?" You mumbled, sitting next to him and pressing and ice pack (wrapped in a thin shirt) to his cheek. He struggled to not lean into it.

In all honesty, all he wanted to do what high you. He had this overwhelming feeling to hold you, bury his face in your neck and just stay there.

"Nothing. Just a brawl." He muttered, unmoving '

"A brawl? Really."

"Yeah. A brawl."

"Well something started 'your brawl'. You gonna tell me what it was?"

"I'm telling you it was nothing. Don't worry about it." He couldn't tell you- he didn't want you to feel weird or self concious. He knew how words from people affected you, even though you fought on and on to ignore them and keep them from affecting you. There was too much going on in your head to completely ignore them, even subconsciously.

"It is something though! Because you're hurt. That other guy, a douche bag I'm sure, is hurt."

"He deserved it."

"Why?"

"Why are you so concerned with it."

"Because you're hurt! I know it's not very hero like- but I couldnt care less about his injuries. You are my priority. And I walk into you in a beatdown-"

Katsuki pushed the ice pack away from his cheek. He leaned in and wrapped his arms around your waist, burying his face in your neck. He wasn't expecting much after that- so when your hand came to play with his hair and the other holding his back, he felt like he was going to cry.

God he was so fucking in love with you. It made him want to scream- why would you ever want to he with him? Why were you doing this?

"I just want to make sure you're okay." She whispered.

"M okay. You don't have to worry about me."

"Doesn't mean I won't. I always worry about you Suki. I don't think that's going to stop." You continued threading your fingers through his hair.

"Then I'll be here, to remind your dumbass I'm okay."

"I know you will." You whispered. "Katsu, look at me." You mumbled- voice unsteady. He frowned and slowly lifted his head up. You were looking at him with such intensity in your eyes, he was unsure why.

You leanws forward, gently pressing your lips to his- ah that's why. He was surprised for a moment- stilling unmoving. You pulled away.

"Sorry- I guess that was uncalled-" he wouldnt let you finish, his lips were back on yours, pulling you close. You leaned into him, eye closed, guard down. Just you and him.

"I can't see myself with anyone but you." He grumbled, when he finally pulled away, lips inches apart. "I never have been able to."

"Good." You smiled softly. "I don't want you with anyone else."

@kirahhhh

[insfiringyou]

dating someone like him so why did js not vocalize these until it became too much? if she brought up how she felt about this before she couldnt take it anymore, would it have made any much of a difference? bc its not like yg couldve done anything about it. they wouldve still broken up regardless? i know the breakup was necessary but could itve been avoided? imo i think it couldve been avoided had they communicated this before but maybe she'd just be miserable still - n e way it just made sad😭

Hi, thanks so much for reading our work and glad you are invested! :)

Honestly, we have always said, even when we were outlining the breakup, that it is a really hard one to vocalise because there was no single thing which led to her breaking up with him. He wasn't a bad boyfriend or person and yes she still loved him and could tolerate the inconveniences of being with someone famous, such as being long distance.

I think the truth behind her (very hard and heartbreaking - on both their parts) decision to break up with him was the realisation that he was going to give up everything to be with her. Over the months before the break up, he was becoming more and more reliant on their relationship to make him happy. He would have given up everything to be with her, since he himself was the one finding it hard to be apart from her so often and for so many periods of time. In the fics which run up to the break up, such as 'A Celebration to Forget', 'Stranded', and the phone sex fic, you see how desperate he is becoming and how he's starting to care less about the career he has worked so long and hard for. Jeong-sun, ultimately, didn't want him to have to make that choice between her and being famous as she could see how torn he was becoming (even though she never asked that of him). Also, neither of them really meant to fall so hard for each other. It's not like with some of the other couples where they made a conscious decision to get together (with the girls choosing to date someone famous and knowing what that involved). We don't think Jeong-sun really had any idea what she was getting herself into (other than knowing he was famous - as she's not someone who follows Idols or Korean celebrities much) and also she started dating him quite casually (even if things became intense and sexual very quickly). She never really thought she would fall for him and wasn't really looking or seeking out a boyfriend or relationship. Likewise, Yoongi wasn't looking for a girlfriend but found himself falling so hard for her. So the timing was really bad for them both. Yoongi and BTS at this point were becoming really really famous, especially abroad, and Jeong-sun didn't want him to give up all that at the height of his fame. She knew he would regret it, but also didn't want to be 'responsible' for that. In a way, her breaking up with him was her way of being kind and ensuring he didn't make a decision which would hurt him.

In contrast, when they get back together - he has already completed his service (and several of the members are currently serving) so he has no band commitments. He's at a point where BTS are starting to settle down (Jin is married, etc.) and so the timing feels right that he can focus on what is important to him (showing Jeong-sun the love he has always wanted to and being able to actually spent time with her) without also having to sacrifice his career.

Pre-breakup, he literally would have given up everything for her in a heartbeat, but things would have naturally ended (in a messier and worse way) with Jeong-sun if he had because that's a lot of pressure to put someone under. Jeong-sun, who thinks of herself as really mundane and normal, really wouldn't want to be on that kind of pedestal. So, she quite cleanly broke things off with him. Yes, she hurt him and was hurt herself, but things would have been worse if she'd have stayed with him and broke up later. Especially if she had accepted his proposal in 'Stranded' and they rushed into marriage etc.

I hope this makes sense. We really love discussing the reasoning behind certain decisions and how we interpret things, but also readers sometimes have their own interpretations of events and feelings which we love to hear!!!

[violetnotez]

HC: BNHA Boys x Reader who is Going Through a Break Up

@Dekulover555: Hey can I get a request so my boyfriend has just broken up with me randomly could you do head cons or a story of the bhna boys as the best freind who was there when he broke up with her and the best freind ends up kissing them and the boys have had a crush on this girl for a long time?

Omg babes Im sorry you had to deal with that, that just sucks I’m so so sorry! I hope these make you feel better in some way- I wrote these as HC and 4 of the BNHA boys for ya! And um kinda forgot to put the kissing part in- but i hope you like these regardless!

 Also- that is literally such a crappy thing to do… me and Bakugo gonna beat him up for ya dont you worry! >:(

(RULES | MASTERLIST| REQUESTS OPEN!!! :))

-----------------------------

IZUKU

You and Deku were having a quick study session in his room, him quizzing you on hero terms as you racked your brain to remember the definitions

Your phone suddenly buzzed- making him jump: he was so focused on just you, and how adorable you looked when you were concentrating hard, and the fact he had a girl in his room-kinda startled him out of his over reactive thoughts

You gave him a swift sorry, laughing softly because it was literally written on his face that he was freaked out by the sound, making him blush- he loved your laugh so much

The instant you read the message on your phone, your face just dropped in horror

“Hey I know this is a shitty thing to do but I think we need to break up”

You kept staring at the screen, feeling the world around you crumple- what did you even do? Why was he breaking up with you so suddenly?

Your hand was covered around your mouth, trying to choke back the tears

“Y/n…..y/n!” Izuku asked in a panic, freaking out inside- what happened to you to change your demeanor that fast

 “Are you okay? What’s wrong? Please talk to me!”

“He...he...he broke up with me, Izuku,” you sniffled, the tears flowing down your cheeks 

Izuku stared at you, completely stunned and full of anger. He was just disgusted he wouldn’t even give you the decency to do it in person, let alone just leave you confused on why.

 how could your boyfriend do that to you! You were so kind, and sweet, and so lovable....in his eyes, you were the most perfectly imperfect person and he had fallen for you hard.

 “I dont even know what I did-” you cried in confusion, “Did I do something wrong? I-”

He immediately wrapped you in a hug, his warm embrace making you feel more vulnerable (which is good- feelings are valid and Broccoli Boi will take care of u!)

“This isn’t your fault y/n-none of this is. You’re amazing just as you are-he just cant seem to see that.”

-----------------------------

BAKUGO

OH HELL NO BAKUGO GONNA KILL SOMEONE

You and Bakugo were having a sparring session when your phone went off

“You cant turn that damn thing off?” Bakugo grunted out, hating that your attention was being taken away from him

“Sorry Katsu, gotta answer- its my boyfriend,” you smiled, downing a gulpful of water before your answered the phone

All Bakugo did was grunt in distaste- he hated your boyfriend! He found him so annoying

all he ever did was take up his time with you-it seemed like whenever Bakugo wanted to hang out, he was there, ruining the moment

or even worse- you would go out and hang out with your dumb boyfriend instead of him

He always denied having any feelings for you, but he noticed now he couldnt seem to help it- he found you attractive, physically and personalty wise, but also- you dealt with his crap. He knew he was a hand full, but you still kept him in check and were even brave enough to mess around with him, even if he did yell at you.

 He just didnt like how much control you had over him, making him flustered and blushing like a damn school girl- and the fact that you didnt even know you had this secret power drove him crazy

“Wait-youre breaking up with me?” you asked in disbelief, your eyes prickling with tears

Did he just hear what he thought he heard? Bakugo picked up his head so quick hearing your voice break, as if your whole body was just crumpling. He had to admit, he was kinda happy to hear it- now he’d finally have his chance to ask you out! But hearing you sound so defeated made his heart race faster and the anger erupt in his chest. How dare he make you feel that way!

Bakugo stomped towards you, snatching your phone out of your hands

“I dont know what your deal is, you asshole, but y/n is one of the most amazing people I know, so dont you ever call her number again unless you want your ass blown out of the damn country!”

-----------------------------

TODOROKI

Todoroki was sitting on the couch,drinking tea and reading a book

He had found one of your notebooks left on the floor, and he of course, instantly wanted to give it back to you

Unknowing to him, you were currently up in your room, Facetiming your boyfriend

Shouto didnt really care for your boyfriend- and for the longest time he couldnt understand why he didnt like him

but then he realized some things- whenever he was around you, he would get blushy and extremely quiet and just seemed incapable of acting normal. He found you attractive and exceptionally kind, catching himself staring at you whenever he could and feeling strange about it, causing a soft blush to form on his pale skin

 Thats when he realized he didnt like your boyfriend because he liked you, and he despised the fact that someone had already taken your heart

He knocked on your door, hearing the voices on the other side get more and more frustrated

He heard a slight sob come out of your mouth, and he instantly got panicked

What was wrong?

He knocked on the door again, unsure of what to do- does he barge in there? Does he leave you alone? Does he wait?

In mid knock, you opened the door, your eyes puffy and red

“Y/n-are you alright?” he asked, his face in complete shock and confusion

You shook your head, unable to talk due to the heavy sometimes growing inside you

“Its okay, Shouto,” you practically whispered, “just this isnt the best time-”

He placed a hand on your shoulder, looking at you with those deep, mismatched eyes that made you shiver- they were so easy to get lost in

“Please, y/n, tell me whats wrong.”

He hated seeing you upset- it made him upset, and he wanted to know who did this to you. He wasn't one to act out irrationally, but when it came to you, he would do anything to protect you.

“Its- its my boyfriend. He’s breaking up with me-”

“Hey y/n, where you at?” he heard from the phone, registering the voice as your boyfriend. Immediately, fury formed in his stomach-if he could see him right now- he would have to do everything in his power to hold his powers back from obliterating your boyfriend-

 he strided over, picking up the phone, meeting the shocked eyes of your boyfriend, expecting you to come on the screen

“Please refrain from ever calling y/n again- you make her upset and you clearly cannot understand how much of a wonderful person she truly is. If you ever come to try and hurt her again, I wont hesitate to make sure you dont ever do this to her again.”

-----------------------------

KIRISHIMA

Kirishima was walking out of his room, the rest of the class outside as he was the last one to change out of his PE uniform and into his lounge clothes

“Kirishima!”

He turned around, hearing your cry

Confusion was written on his face- you were running up to him, desperate to reach him

Your face was strewn with tears, sobs crying out of your mouth as you called out his name again

“Kirishima!”

Those sobs were destroying him- what was wrong? Who hurt you? Why were you so upset- he had never seen you like this! 

He had had the biggest crush on you for the longest time, and seeing you sad made him just wanted to fix everything and make you feel better, because when you were upset, he couldnt help but feel upset too!

You wrapped your arms around him, your chest colliding with his as you sobbed onto your best friend

He instantly shielded you in a warm hug, combing your hair with his palm, letting you get all your emotions out

“Hey-” he asked softly, gently raising you chin with the tips of your fingers, “what’s the matter?”

You sniffled, your face splotchy and pink, “My boyfriend-he-he-broke up with me.”

Kirishima clenched his jaw, feeling anger bubble in his stomach. So that’s the reason your so heartbroken, over that idiot? He was completely dumbfounded on why he would ever break up with you- how could someone ever just reject his amazing y/n?

He wrapped you in a hug again, placing a firm kiss on top your head

“Your okay y/n, dont worry about him. Your an amazing person and he just cant seem to see that. I got you, I promise.”

-----------------------------

Requests open!

[burnedbyshoto]

if you sent any asks (recommendations for things don’t count as I have to look around!) since october 17 until october 22 it is in here :)

anon said: The header for your askbox response post is *aesthetic*. I think it’s a really good idea to post one every few days if you have the time. ❤️

well, thANK YOUUUUU!!!!! I put in a whopping 10 minutes into it because I had no idea what I was doing! i’ll definitely be doing asks this way now though.

big dick kiri anon said: !!!!!! ILY HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY PLS HYDRATE 💙💙❤️❤️ -bigdickkiri

Omg love! Please don’t worry about kinktober just breathe! Take your time and try to relax 💙❤️- bigdickkiri

DAMN, that is a LOT. Please look after yourself and don't stress about it love!! - bigdickkiri

I'm very excited. BUT PLEASE LOOK AFTER YOURSELF, DO NOT FORCE ANY OF THIS OMG - bigdickkiri

AHH, AMAZING, TALENTED SWEETHEART, GORGEOUS LOVE, HAVE A INCREDIBLE DAY AND HYDRATE - bigdickkiri

I believe I did have a good day, and I am actually super bad at hydrating, buT ILL TRY TO GET BETTER!!!!

I am breathing!!!! JUSTTT BREATHEEEE!!! I am taking my time now and relaxing to the best of my ability :D thank you so much bdk I love you with all my soul

theres always a lot, but if im not doing a lot I dont do anything so on one hand.... it’s okay LMAO but I will continue to try and not stress :D

BDK I WOULD NEVER WANT TO MAKE YOU THINK IM FORCING THIS OUT OF MEEEE ILL TRY MY BEST TO MAKE YOU PROUD

GHSOGHJIAORGJRGIRAHG YOURE AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL, TERRIFIC, INCREDIBLE!!!!!!! YOU HYDRATE AND MAKE SURE YOU KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU

@bread-theduck​ said: We love you and support you ❤ dont push yourself, your mental health is so much more important that kinktober haha. Take all the time you need, we're right here and open if you wanna talk~

I don’t really try to push myself... it just happens subconsciously D: but thank you for the love and support!!!! my mental health is stronger than I give it credit though

anon said: listen! we all appreciate you and your writing dearly but! I think we can all agree that we want you to be okay mentally and physically before you make yourself write! kinktober can wait! you’re more important!! at the very least, pls take a break for tonight.

I honestly can’t even remember when i said I was tired, but thank you for your kind words regardless!!!! I am trying to get better at it because i don’t want to disappoint you guys D:

@saintbullet​ said: Please take care of yourself!!! DONT risk your health for writing. We care about you so much! Be careful 💕💕💕

I know I push myself a lot, and i’m really sorry for scaring you all!!!! I am trying though, and it just has a lot to do with my mental fatigue and that im judging some hard classes right now then it has to do with anything

anon said: hey it'll be alright! idk whats wrong but i promise everything will work out like its supposed to! you just take care of yourself and take as much time as you need to feel better!! we love u!! ♥️

It wAS MY PERIOD I REMEMBER NOW AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! I LOVE YOU TOOOOOOOO WITH ALL THE LOVE MY HEART POSSES!!!!!!

anon said: periods can be a pain so pls take care of yourself!! drink lots of water and rest up!!!

my period is the worst, if she was a person i’d block her and avoid her irl!!!!!!!!

anon said: Lol ok so gay for Mina anon back and no, I was not the anon who requested it. But lmao, let me take this time to whole heartedly thank that anon for quenching my thirst anyways

oh whoops, sorry for thinking you were someone else D: iM GLAD TO SEE THAT YOU WERE HAPPY WITH IT!!! READER WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A BAD GUY BUT I COULDN’T FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE IT WORK LMAO

anon said: I am just planning on hanging out and reading all the lovely writing that comes from this

i’m pretty sure this is about my nsfw/sfw headcanons, and honestly im sooo very excited to start working on them!!!!!!!!

anon said: you have no idea how happy I got when I saw u posted for mina like UGH MY WIFE I LOVE HER SO MUCH 🥺🥺🥺 N GIVING US GAYS AMAZING CONTENT UR AMAZING MWAH MWAH KEEP BEING THE PERFECT ANGEL U ARE 🥺🥺💞💗💖💕💓💝

AHHHHH IM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT MINA IS LIKE MY FAV CLASS 1-A GIRL SO I LOVE HER SO MUCHHHHHHHHHHH YOURE AMAZING AND I LOVE YOU AND YOURE AN ANGEL!!!!!!!

many a anons said: Sorry I didn’t see the part where you said not to request characters that were already on the list I thought that was the list of character we could vote for.

so sorry I accidentally sent a character in that has already been requested, Tumblr didn't show me the follow up posts ;;

nooo I didn’t see the list I’m so sorry 😭😭😭

LOL ITS OKAYYYY. y’all were hoes and kept sending me shouto who I couldn’t even think about deleting from my list... so... you are lucky >:(

anon said: hello! not a request here but take care of yourself anc stay hydrated bb 🥰🥰

I got my water right next to me rn bby :D

anon said: be todoroki’s girlfriend

bitch I am todorokis WIFE, why would I need to dress up???

@girl-with-a-mentality​ said: You can be todoroni for Halloween.

....you right...

anon said: Thirst post infoo ;3 I found a doujinshi of Bakugo being teased and toyed with sexually with by Ochako, Yaomomo, and our lovely momma Mina

...send it

anon said: GIRLLLLLL

ANONNNNNNNNNNNNN ;)

local dumbass anon said: local dumbass is here once again, i thiink you know who i am and might've found my ig buuuuuut..?

uh.... I don’t know???????? I only followed people on insta if you gave me your handle or followed me first.... also did you cut your bangs?

anon said: Your Monoma scenario was really good!If we’re being honest, though, Monoma would literally start foaming at the mouth if he saw anyone from 1-A making physical contact with his s/o, ESPECIALLY Bakugou. They would have to call animal control because there would be a rabid Monoma in the dorms lol

okay... while you’re not wrong, I just thought 18 year old monoma should have grown up just the tiniest bit! plus his obsession is controlled because of his insecurity so LMAO IDK I JUST THOUGHT MAYBE UGH

@awkward-theaterkid​ said: I was reading your Day 19 Fic but I couldnt take it seriously, the title "My Way" kept reminding me of the Backstreet Boys "I want it that way" and it keeps popping up while I read it 😂

as someone who only heard that song because of b99 I read this and immediately thought of b99 LMAOOOOO

🍒💥anon said: URGENT PSA: LYSSA IS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING AND I LOVE HER -🍒💥

Hello Queen Lyssa, I finally read "And They Were Roommates" and have absolutely no idea why I put it off so long! ITS A MASTERPIECE. Each chapter is addictive and the slow burn and angst destroyed me 😭 The smut in the final chapter is flawless and sooooooooooooooooooo H O T. Shoto wasnt even my favorite character but he might have to be now (or at least in my top 3) 😰 This is my new favorite series and I cant wait to re-read it!!!! YOURE AMAZING AND ILY. You own my soul now -🍒💥

URGENT PSA I LOVE YOU CHERRY EXPLOSION AND YOURE AMAZING :D

ATWR holds a special place in my heart uwu.... HAOGHIOSRGSIOGJSIHG THANK YOU!!!!! SHOUTO IS AN AMAZING CHARACTER WHO I LOVE WITH ALL MY HEARRTTTTTT

~ thank you to @didyoumeanme​, @kittenlordofdarkness​, @soafers​ for submitting memes and animal pics for my rommate, much appreciated :D ~

anon said: Did the local dumbass anon ever cut their bangs? Do you know?

....I dont know, but I just asked her rn >:)

this paragraph is dedicated to those surrounding to the meltdown mess that occurred yesterday. to each and every one of you who sent me kind words via my askbox or directly contacting me, thank you. I really want to move past this because I feel by holding on it will make me feel less inclined to write because of my guilt. of course, I do not expect you to forgive me, or trust me in my story of how it went down, because at the end of the day it was my mistake for trusting in someone to write with pure intentions when I didn’t know if she could. im trying to continue on with my best foot forward and im grateful for those of you who trusted in me. I swear I will never push myself again, and that I will instead take my time in order to publish my original work and only my original work and not take anything that comes from a “friend”. know that I love you all, and I dont know how to take it easy so my break lasted a whooping 10 hours, and my blog won’t discontinue until im done with bnha or...I get into medschool which is still 3 years away, I am taking care of myself, im staying hydrated, im trying not to put myself down anymore, I will keep going, & will forever continue to be more careful with what I post. also, no one was really coming for me, so don’t worry if you thought so lol. (to you 9 anons who expressed their kind thoughts to me, thank you. to big dick kiri anon thank you. to @bqkubabey​, @flayvus​, & @ultimate-shit-poster​ thank you so so much you really helped me not drown myself in my own guilt.)

anon said: i hope you’re feeling okay today :((

I am feeling a lot better. unfortuantely I did make myself really sick yesterday because ive never been as stressed in my life ever, but im okay now. there’s nothing I can do more for what happened so I will try to continue on as best as I can and I appreciate you caring... ilysm :)

@ikinabi​ said: Your writing??? Actually god sent 🥵👌 and the way you write Mirio gets me GOING

BAHAHAH NOOOOO ITS NOT PLAFUAOGHJIPRAHAR MY MIRIO PIECE YOU LIKED WAS MY FIRST PIECE ON HIM AND OOO BOY I DID NOT DO HIM JUSTICE

anon said: fuck buddy iida is a thought that has never crossed my mind but now that i’ve seen your post i am intrigued haha

well... it is up :) if you wanna check her out :)

anon said: You dont have to answer if you dont wanna but i just wanna see if your okay. I hope your end your doing well and not stressing.

i’m doing much better than I was yesterday!!! I just needed to rest and calm down and stop attacking myself. thank you for checking in!!! it means so much :,)

[cruddykawa]

Goshiki x Reader | Third Time

hi hello lol i love baby goshiki hes such a precious lil baby and i love him so much 

Goshiki x Reader

Word Count: 1044

_________________________

Your eyes always followed Goshiki. In junior high, you were never in the same classroom as him, but he was easy to spot, towering over most of the students in the hallways. He really caught your eyes when you went to watch some volleyball games after school. Of course, your eyes weren’t the only one watching him that day, so you thought it best to not press on it. 

Your impression of him at school was that he seemed reliable and cool... But that all changed when you watched one of his high school games. It was impressive that as a first year, he was a starting player on Shiratorizawa’s volleyball team. There was no misunderstanding of that, but when you saw how much Gohsiki’s mood was affected by the things his senpais would say to him, you couldn’t help but be interested. Whenever he messed up, the coach would be the first to tell him off, and it required the sometimes odd encouragement of his teammates to build him back up again. Rather than the initial coolheaded person you thought he was, he was the exact opposite of that. That was the first time you thought he was cute.

In high school you had morning class together, so getting to know him better should have been easier. But it wasn’t. All you really did were small observations here and there. He seemed pretty guarded at first, but as soon as someone complimented him, he was completely won over. That was the second time you thought he was cute. 

You had to stay after school for club activities since you were part of the cooking club. You had baked cookies and were enjoying them on your way off of campus. When you got outside, it was darker than you expected. On your left side, you could hear sniffing. Curious to know what the sound of it was, you peered over the corner. It was Goshiki sitting on the bench. You slowly approached the crying figure and asked, “Is everything okay?”

He jumped from being surprised at your voice. He then asked, “What are you doing here?”

“I had club activities, and I stayed back because it was my turn to clean.” You looked around to see if there were anyone near and asked, “Are you the only one here?”

Goshiki looked away from you and wiped the tears from his eyes, “I had to stay back and do 100 serves, since I kept messing up in the practice match.” 

You sat next to him and held out your bag of sweets, “Uhm… do you want a cookie?”

He nodded his head and reached into the bag. You then said, “Regardless of what happened today, we can’t be good at things all the time."

Goshiki sniffed, “That’s not true. Ushijima is always able to perform.”

“Well, he might be a different case. But still, I bet he messes up a serve every now and then.” You laughed.

The two of you sat in silence, munching on the cookies you had made. You looked at Goshiki, “I don’t think you should let today get you down for long. Of course, things aren’t great now, but tomorrow is a new day. I bet you’ll be spiking those super awesome straights you’ve been able to do.” 

“My super awesome straights?” he repeated.

“Yeah!” you confirmed, “When you spike, it seems like my arms would rip off. I have no idea how you’re able to put so much strength into the ball!” 

You were waiting for Goshiki to respond, but he had a blank stare on his face. “Did… did I say something wrong?” You hesitated. 

Goshiki continued to stare at you, and then tears began to fill his eyes. You panicked and tried to find your handkerchief out of your bag. When you found it, you quickly passed it to him and said, “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to!”

He shook his head and hiccupped, “It’s just been so long since I’ve been made a fuss over!”

Your face showed plain confusion, but you soon laughed, “If you ever need to be fussed over, you can come to me!”

He looked at you with wide eyes and said, “Can I really?”

“I was kind of kidding.” You answered, but he showed a disappointed look on his face. You continued your sentence, “But I guess if you really need it, I’ll be here for you.”

Goshiki looked you in the eyes and beamed at you. You thought that if it were light, it would have blinded you. That was the third time you thought he was cute. 

You were about to say something to him, but the two of you were interrupted by a sing song voice saying, “Tsutomu, if you don’t hurry up, you’re going to miss dinner~”

Tendou popped his head around the corner and looked at the two of you. You stood up and bowed to the senior to greet him. You put the rest of the cookies into Goshiki’s hand before saying goodbye to the both of them deciding it was probably a good time to go. While walking away, Goshiki called out to you and said, “I’ll see you tomorrow in class!”

You smiled at him and gave him a final wave before turning around, looking forward to the next day.

EXTRA…. LITERALLY DON’T READ IT UNLESS YOU WANT TO LAUGH LIKE and ruin the whole qtness/fluff of this scenario … OMG I cannot believe I did this to the little bab goshiki lol its sfw tho if thats what ur wondering

________________

On the way to the cafeteria, Tendou asked, “Who were you talking to outside of the gym?”

“What do you mean? I was talking to my classmate.” Goshiki responded.

“But there wasn’t anyone there when you were talking.” Tendou looked behind them in the hallway, “You don’t think that the ghost folklore about the girl in Shiratorizawa is true. Do you?”

“That can’t be!” Goshiki denied, “The girl even gave me some cookies!”

He held out what he was holding in his hands to show Tendou. Tendou only looked at him more confused, “Tsutomu, that’s…. just a washrag from the kitchen.”

Goshiki looked down, and Tendou was right. Goshiki felt a sharp chill run down his back… that couldn’t have been a ghost.... right? 

feel free to submit ideas if youd like me to write about them~

also if you couldnt tell this last part was definitely inspired by the shiratorizawa haikyuu-bu chapter lmfaoooooo

[haikyuu-imagines-and-others]

WHAT A FUN IDEA! I would like to request Oikawa for 7 minutes in heaven and/or Kuroo for spin the bottle! If either of these boys have already been suggested just ignore. I just wanted to add them as a request for this fun prompt. I Look forward to seeing any and all characters requested that you write! As well as any other request because darling you are a phenomenal writer and I adore your writings 💕keep up the great work!

Lol well I did get Kuroo taken care of - I’ll link him below Oikawa’s BUT!!! I haven’t done an Oikawa one yet! You are an absolute delight, love - when I read your request I pretty much smiled all day - I’m so thankful you enjoy my writing <3 Thank you thank you for requesting, lovely! - Admin Satori <3

Oikawa Tooru: 7 Minutes in Heaven

Were you lucky? Not in the least.

Were you great at making it seem like lucky chance? Hell yes.

You’d called all your friends over to your place for a party. A friend of yours being Matsukawa, who knew the young man you’d had your eye set on for a while now… Oikawa Tooru. And of course Mattsun knew this, and Makki, and Iwaizumi. Though the latter didn’t really seem to care all that much in who you were interested in as much as the first two, he still helped play wingman when he could.

It was plainly obvious to everyone looking in that you had the biggest, cutest, awkward crush on the one guy that every girl in university had a crush on.

Did you care? Not in the least.

Though your plan had a specific start time you wanted - not until halfway through the game. Not yet. The bottle had already been spun by everyone in the group at least twice. You’d ended up in the closet with Kuroo, who only seemed to throw pun after pun at you, with Tendou, who kept hinting that he’d spill the beans on your crush if you didn’t give him half your lunch after your shared class, and lastly with Suga, who made pleasant conversation with you about the future and what you had planned for it.

Oikawa hadn’t really seemed to notice your being taken away, didn’t really seem to notice anything beyond his teasing Iwaizumi for going into the closet with Kiyoko, a girl who’s WAY out of his league. To say you felt disheartened at the fact would be an understatement. You’d completely deflated by the time the third round had started.

He hadn’t even looked at you. Not once. Were you wrong to find interest in him? Were you really so beneath him that he wouldn’t even acknowledge you?

Mattsun bumped his shoulder against yours, “Stop frowning, your face will get stuck that way.” You pouted up at him, silently showing your cracking heart, but he simply bumped you again. “I think everyone’s getting bored of the game… Plan ‘Trap the King’ is a go.” He winked over at Hanamaki, who, without so much as a warning, grabbed Oikawa’s drink and immediately dumped its contents onto Oikawa’s lap.

An outcry of surprise, Oikawa jumped to his feet, trying to brush off what liquid hadn’t seeped into his pants already, “What the hell, Makki?”

“Whoops.”

Violently blushing as the group laughed at his misfortune, Oikawa huffed angrily, “Now I’ve gotta go clean up, you dick! It’s gonna be all sticky.” Embarrassed, humiliated, his pout quivered in his rapidly draining strength to not let his flustered tears slip past his control.

Guilt immediately overtook your heart. You didn’t want him to cry. You hadn’t meant to completely humiliate him in front of his closest friends…. Was it possible to deflate a second time? You curled into yourself, bringing your knees to your chest and staring at the bottle with a blank expression. You’d done this. All because you were too scared to just tell him to his face how you felt.

While he’d quickly escaped to the bathroom to clean himself up, Hanamaki smirked as he went to work. Flipping the cup over, he taped a flat magnet to its center - so it didn’t tilt when set on his base. Then he grabbed the bottle, hooking a paperclip into the lip of the bottle and spinning it. The magnet wasn’t strong enough for the paperclip to immediately be drawn to the cup, but the spin of the bottle was a bit slower, and where it would have continued it’s path would stop and point directly at Oikawa’s cup.

“Plan ‘Trap the King’, phase ‘Plant the Attraction’ completed.” Hanamaki responded around what you could only understand as his attempt at a walkie talkie’s feedback static.

“I don’t feel good about you do-“

Mattsukawa nudged you a bit harder than you expected, making you cut off mid admonishment and slightly lose hold of your legs. “Shush, this is gonna help. Give it to him.”

You frowned as you held the liter of Oikawa’s favorite soda in your hands…”You guys are really pushing for this, huh?” Now was your turn to blush at how quick they were to help set the stage for you. You’d simply told them you’d wanted to get into the closet with Oikawa… and they’d taken it from there without any further direction from you.

Iwaizumi shrugged noncommittally, though the desperation in his eyes plainly showed what a blessing your interest in his best friend was doing for him. “You dating him is literally giving us all the break we need from babysitting him.”

“As much as he is entertaining, and easy to prank… It’s just too easy sometimes, there’s no chase there anymore.” Kuroo admitted with a rolled lip scowl, Makki nodding in agreement silently as he tried the bottle once more, seeing the same results.

“He’s really annoying.” Was Kiyoko’s deadpan admission, having Suga almost choke on his drink as he went to swallow. Harsh… But true, he’d have to agree.

The bathroom door closed, making you let out a sigh filled with anxiety and fear, everyone who’d been so invested in convincing you further now breaking off into smaller conversations and pretending they hadn’t just been planning or helping. Oikawa entered the living room, a sour scowl on his face as he took his seat, pushing against Hanamaki’s shoulder roughly, “Dick.” He muttered, making the pinket smirk with pride. “Who’s turn is it?” His voice was a bit more… frustrated than you were used to, but you simply raised your hand, “Then go?”

Was this really a good idea? He was obviously in a bad mood now… Did you really want to trick him while he wasn’t… himself? That in itself, you knew, was wrong thinking - since Oikawa now is the same as Oikawa 20 minutes earlier. The changing of his attitude didn’t make him a completely different person, it’s just who he is.

Steeling your nerves, you reached forward and spun the bottle, feeling everyone’s eyes turn to watch the glass clicking against the hardwood floor. You’d tried to spin it with the same force as Hanamaki had for his testing of the trick.

Too late, you remembered the soda Matsun had given you - reaching it out towards Oikawa silently. His light brown eyes easily showed his surprise as he took it from you, but didn’t open it. “What? You going to dump this on me, too?”

Hanamaki smirked still, glancing at the bottle of soda before looking back t Oikawa, “Is that an invitation?”

“Oh…. Oh… OH!” Bokuto called from behind Kuroo, leaning on the tall cats head as he watched the bottle point directly at Oikawa; Who had missed the weird way it’d wavered away from landing on Iwaizumi. “Looks like you’re saved from a soda shower, Tooru.” Oikawa looked at the bottle… Was that a blush you saw? Blinking, the color was gone, and you figured you’d just imagined it.

You didn’t wait, standing from your place and pointing at Matsukawa, “7 Minutes.”

He nodded, “Right, an hour. Gotcha.” You rolled your eyes, deciding not to put up a fight, knowing he would keep the right time regardless of his teasing. Oikawa practically stomped to the closet, walking in before you and leaning against the back wall with crossed arms.

Was he angry he got picked by you? Or just embarrassed about the soda spill still? You closed the closet door behind you… finding this closet was much much smaller than you remembered it being. The silence followed almost immediately, and for a split second you forgot how long you’d been in the closet… The weight of the quiet room had you feeling like you’d been in there with him for hours.

“Are you angry wi-“

“I bet you wanted to be in here with someo-“

Both of you stopped, not wanting to interrupt the other, or talk over each other… But both stopping, neither continued. Not until you finished his accusation in your head. “You.. You think I wanted to be in here with someone else?” You couldn’t see his expression, but you could feel his dejection rolling off him in waves. “What gave you that idea?”

He huffed, like a tantrum throwing child, “You didn’t tell Mattsun to keep the time any other time you came in here. Didn’t want to spend too much time with someone who looks like they peed their pants, huh?” Was he serious? Your look of disbelief was having a hard time remaining on your face, a smile wanted to break out - you wanted to laugh just a bit.

“That… That was more for your benefit..” You whispered, piquing his curiosity.

“My benefit?”

You shrugged this time, “I didn’t want you to be uncomfortable in your soiled pants.” He could hear the smirk in your voice, making him whine out in distaste, “Tooru….” You reached forward and found his hand in his crossed arms, pulling it free so you could hold it in both of yours, “I’m sorry… About earlier…”

Oikawa, again, huffed.. though this time it was to brush off your apology, “You didn’t do any-“

“Yes, I did.” Now or never, right? You’d wanted to be in a close space with him, but now it was all ruined because how you’d gone about it. Or rather, how Makki had gone about it. “I… I wanted to….” You sighed tiredly, trying to find the words that just would not come out. He waited. Patiently, it surprised you he hadn’t interrupted with a tease. “I wanted to rig the game so I’d choose you or you’d choose me….”

None of the dots connected in his head, yet. “So what does that have to do with my soda bath?”

A snort came out, unintentionally, and you quickly apologized for its escape. “I… Well… I kind of told Makki and Mattsun… About my wanting to rig the game.” The pieces came together in his head, and he went to take his hand away, but you held it tight, “BUT I didn’t tell them to do that! I would never tell them to embarrass you.” He stopped struggling, “The truth is… I’m too scared to confess anywhere else than a rigged closet game with you.”

“Wait….” Oikawa couldn’t help but smirk, “Makki spilled the soda on me, so you could confess? How does that even work?” Had he just… ignored the fact that you’d confessed?

“Magnets.”

“oh….”

You nodded, holding his hand still in both of yours, “I’m sorry… Really sorry… So instead of this closet being remembered for your rejecting my confession, it’s going to be remembered for my apologizing for a rigged game gone wrong..”

Oikawa smirked as he leaned down and kissed your forehead. No warning. No telltale of his proximity. Nope. Just a quick peck to your forehead before he was pinching your cheek like an old grandmother would, “You’re cute, ______, but you really need to work on your plans more…” Heart hammering in your chest, you leaned your head forward to rest on his chest, embarrassed now in his reaction. “Good thing your amazing boyfriend is going to help you out.”

Reeling back, you stammered in confusion, in shock, “B-bo-boyfriend? I- We- Wait-“ He leaned down and kissed your lips tenderly, but too quick for you to really enjoy the feel, pulling back again.

“I’ll reject your confession, but now you can remember my accepting your heart.”

Simple. Easy. Clean, cut, dry. Done deal.

The doors opened, “Times u- Hey!” You had reached out and pushed Mattsun back, pulling the doors closed once more before wrapping your arms around Oikawa’s neck and bringing your lips to his. He didn’t hesitate, didn’t pause or poke fun at your wanting more time with him. “Alright… Hour it is, then.” You could hear Matsukawa chuckle.

Kuroo Tetsurou:

7 Minutes in Heaven Here

Spin the Bottle Here

Additionally, if you felt either of the above didn’t hit his character - I am 100% open to hearing what you think and if you’d like a request redone! No problemo!

[interrogatormentors]

Event Seven: Freezer Burn

Sleep came in fits and starts for the trainees, but they all snatched what little they could as their training continued. Despite this, they all spent the scant hour of free time the instructors allotted them in different ways. Zesaim studied, scouring books whose origins she refused to reveal for interrogation techniques. Rosmer baked in beakers, often coercing Sollux into using his psionics as a heat source. Ophlia worked out, Trisia ever by her side. Sollux himself dozed as he idly explored the limitations of his tablet, poking holes in the security to try and get his nose out for some news. Ualona often joined him, his maroon text a constant in the chat channels.

- actualizedClairvoyant [AC] has begun trolling twinArmageddons [TA]!-

AC: any progress on protecting a c-| |-annel? AC: avoiding mics is cool and all but w-| |-at if t-| |-ey are monitoring everyt-| |-ing we type? TA: no progre22 TA: they’re reportiing all thii2 2hiit two the empiire and the drone2ll be here iin liike two hour2 AC: D: TA: who do you fuckiing take me for ii’ve coded liike fiive proxiie2 iin the la2t ten miinute2 alone. AC: -| |-ell yeah! AC: so can you send me t-| |-at new installment of sunspots and starship -| |-eresy you found on the net t-| |-en because i kind of need somet-| |-ing to take my mind off tomorrow’s private training AC: i -| |-eard its gonna be some INTENSE friggin quizzes TA: god ii don’t want two enable you gettiing your globe2 off two helmiing porn you know that riight. AC: i mean AC: w-| |-en you put it t-| |-at way… TA: w/e iidgaf

-twinArmaggedons [TA] has sent file [kiinkyba2tard.xml]!-

TA: porn ii2n’t trea2on anyway we don’t need protected channel2 for that. TA: 2o who’2 goiing two be your traiiner tomorrow niight?? AC: that pozoia guy that oversees the p-| |-ysical training :[ AC: im freaking out!! -| |-es going to eat me alive! AC: w-| |-at about you? TA: rapard. AC: O-| |- S-| |-IT TA: w/e TA: he doe2n’t 2care me.

The next night when the morning alarms went off, however, Sollux hesitated as he squinted at his schedule for the day.

Sollux Captor: Report at Training Block A13 - Rapard - Dress Code: Swimwear

“Swimwear?” Zesaim’s puzzled voice came from her bunk just as Sollux read the words on his own schedule, and he looked over. “What happened to quizzes?”

“I don’t see how having a personal trainer’s going to help us swim better,” Sollux said, sitting up on the platform. “God, I don’t give a shit if I have to chase a wader through open sea, I’m drowning regardless.” He ducked, just in time to avoid a pillow getting thrown at him by Mercuo at terminal velocity. The seadweller glared at him from his bunk.

“You’ll need the fucking practice if you don’t want me to drown you,” Mercuo said, climbing down from his own bunk.

Sollux snorted, flicking Mercuo’s fin once with his psionics before stripping down. They filtered out to their assigned blocks after that, and it seemed the coolbloods didn’t receive any alteration to their dress codes for the day. Sollux found walking alone to a lesson disconcerting, and the halls seemed so much chillier and ominously dark without someone at his side. The faint fizzle of the lights above him served as the only background sound apart from the faint paps of his own bare feet on the metal tile.

He stopped in front of block A13 after a few minutes, looking up at the door. The metal seemed thick and reinforced, and a card reader sat adjacent to the heavy handle. A hand reached past Sollux, sliding a card into the reader and causing Sollux to jump. He hadn’t heard Rapard coming. “Quit flinching, helmbait,” Rapard said, hauling the door open. The door hissed, steam rushing out of the dark block in a billowing cloud. Sollux took a step, paused, and then moved forward only after Rapard shot him an unimpressed look.

The cold had given Sollux pause, an almost physical wall of frigid air that only intensified as the door behind him closed with a heavy thud. For a brief moment only the natural illumination from Sollux’s own eyes cast any sort of light, before a single, dim bulb on the ceiling flicked on. It didn’t really help. A metal chair stood fixed in the middle of the room, and Sollux felt a prickle of fear skitter up his spine as he spotted manacles on the armrests and near the legs. “What kind of quiz--”

“Emotional endurance is the topic today,” Rapard said. He gestured towards the chair, one eyebrow arching up. “I don’t have all night, recruit.”

Sollux gritted his teeth, glancing from the chair to the door and back again. Rapard stood between him and the door, and somehow he doubted he could overpower a fully matured seadweller in such a cold environment. Sollux’s own limbs felt stiff, and his teeth already chattered. He had his pride, but he also had an ounce of self-preservation in his bones. He sat down in the chair, jerking away too slow to avoid the manacles snapping shut around his wrists and ankles.

“I get the physical training, I get the mediculler shit, but what the fuck is up? Sir,” he added at the expression on Rapard’s face.

“How slow do I have to speak to drill something through your pan, recruit?” Rapard said, starting to pace, a shark circling through icy waters. “Welcome to emotional conditioning. The goal today is to learn control. The moment you emote, your quarry loses faith in your resolve to hurt them.” Rapard stopped off to Sollux’s left, shifting his weight from left to right before settling back on his heels. His expression remained as blank as ever. “This also serves as a practical demonstration of your schoolfeeding. Recap what you learned about temperature moderation and interrogation, grublet.”

Sollux took a breath, trying to settle the sparks already settling around his hornbeds that had triggered out of anxiety. “Temperature. Short-term temperature shifts out of habitable zones can lower reaction time and inhibitions. Long-term it can influence the immune system and wear a troll down.”

Rapard snorted, reaching into the breast pocket of his uniform and pulling out a small remote. He pressed a button, and fans lining the walls kicked on with a furious intensity. Sollux yelped, turning his face away from the sudden blast of cold air smacking against his face. “Temperature drop, two degrees,” Rapard said. “Watch those sparks-- I can read you like a fucking book. Get it together.” He started pacing again, and Sollux tried to resist the urge to follow his movements with his head. “What temperatures can the average lowblood withstand?”

“Average?” Sollux worried his lower lip with his teeth, scrambling to answer ahead of Rapard’s impatience. “Hypothermia takes place at an internal temperature of 97 degrees, and we can survive with an external temperature of 140 with enough water.”

The fans whirred again, and Sollux gritted his teeth. “Watch those ears,” Rapard said. “In the interrogatormentors, your emotions are a weakness. If you can’t turn them off like the husktop you are, then what use are you? You can’t be caught at the mercy of your own instincts.” He shook his head, still pacing in a wide circle around Sollux. “What will affect a lowblood’s internal temperature more, cold air or water?”

Sollux faltered, looking up to the fans. Well, that seemed like the proper answer right there. He couldn’t think straight, really, his thoughts coming to him in sluggish waves as he shivered in his bonds. A red light blinked in the corner of the room, a camera watching this entire affair. What did they even need this footage for? “Cold air,” he said finally.

Rapard hummed. “Interesting answer,” he said. “This isn’t about the immediate effect, this is a matter of thermodynamics.” An odd click came from above Sollux, and he looked up just in time for a set of freshly revealed nozzles protruding from the ceiling to unleash a deluge of icy water. Sollux sputtered, gasping and choking against the spray. The water left him a shuddering mess, each breath an agony stabbing into his lungs.

“I gffkfk- got it,” he said, coughing hard. “Cold. Cold’ssss good.” His lisp had worsened due to the chattering of his teeth, and he found himself biting his tongue more than once. “Fuck. Fuck.”

The fans came to life again, and Sollux screwed his eyes shut. “You’re cursing out of an emotional response,” Rapard said. Sollux felt cold hands grasp his jaw, and he peeled his eyes open to meet the seadweller’s own. “Turn off your emotions, brat.”

Sollux took a breath as Rapard released him, schooling his response back. He tried focusing inwards, fixating on the thought of warmth, of his bunk and fresh food and summer nights. Turn it off, turn it off, turn the emotions off, think of something else. His expressioned slackened, smoothing out into an expressionless mask despite the way his muscles spasmed due to the cold.

The quizzing continued from there, and Sollux did his best to answer each question thrown at him. The temperature kept dropping despite his efforts, until he felt icicles gathering in his nose and his eyes felt swollen from how much tears streamed down his cheeks from the cold. The lesson continued even after Sollux started hacking blood onto his legs and the floor, his entire body quaking. He couldn’t hear his own voice. He didn’t even know what he said in response to Rapard’s questions, and he knew at least half of his answers were unintelligible. He couldnt even begin to imagine what warmth felt like anymore.

Eventually Rapard looked at his watch and hit another button, and the manacles around Sollux’s limbs popped open. Sollux couldn’t have moved if he tried, and it took careful prying and warm water to loosen him from his quite literal frozen position in the chair. Sollux struggled to remain conscious as Rapard swung him over his shoulder, gasping as they emerged into the relative heat of the outside corridors.

Rapard deposited Sollux into a communal block, into a flock of suffering recruits. To the left side of the room, where Sollux tumbled onto the ground, lowbloods clustered around each other in bundles of blankets, heated mats underneath them. To the right, highbloods all seemed intent on drowning themselves in ice baths. Sollux couldn’t bring himself to move, and remained face down until he felt a blanket settling around his shoulders.

“Hey, Sparkles,” said a weak voice above him. Sollux looked up to see Trisia, her face flushed a brilliant teal and her dreadlocks hanging limply around her cheeks. “You look like shit.”

Sollux let out a ragged laugh, fingers curling around the edges of the blanket. “You do too. Did they stick you guys into an oven?”

He heard shuffling behind him then, and a sniffle. “I want to die,” Ualona said, voice very small. “They didn’t warn us it’d be like this. We’re the interrogatormentors, not- Why are they torturing us?”

The door opened again, revealing a petite purple with a massive collar of spikes framing the back of her head like a matured daywalker. She pushed a stumbling Ophlia into the room, tittering and wiping a little smear of purple from the corner of her own mouth before shutting the door. Sollux caught a glimpse of the back of her neck then, which revealed that the spikes were indeed protruding from her skin in a uniform circles of daywalker bruises along her spine. When Ophlia lifted her head, Sollux saw her ear was bleeding. Sollux swore, shivering. “This place is fucked.”

Trisia got up again, and Sollux heard her murmuring to Ophlia before supporting her up to an ice bath. Ualona scooted closer, and Sollux saw an ominous darkness to his nose and the edges of his fingers. “What did Rapard promise you?” he said.

Sollux tried to think of what Ualona meant, but nothing came to him. He only shrugged, his cheek pressed up against the floor. “Nothing. But I'm not waiting to find out what you're talking about,” he said. “Let the others know.” He closed his eyes. “We’re getting out of here.”

[yellowsounds124-blog]

----

I have something I need to share. Not with you, with someone else but that'll never happen, its simply not possible, but I need this off my chest and dont have a safe place for it. With your stance on abortion, I figured you would be a good place, sense you wont see the fetus in this story as a "clump of cells" Growing up, my dad was not okay. He was abusive. It took me years and years to say this because through all the running away and calling the police, not going home- I was told over and over that it was fine because he wasnt raping me or punching me in the face. The pushing, screaming inches from my face, tearing apart my stuff, throwing things at me, making me change in front of him, refusing to be by me in public if I didnt look good enough...didnt matter. I was told I was being ridiculous and should be greatful. My friends.. I would beg them please dont leave me alone with him if he ask you to leave the room. But they always would what were they suppose to do? I wouldnt be allowed to talk to anyone to go out for months at a time. So there was a huge foundation of fear, and protecting myself. At some point, i met this guy (brother of my friend), and I just loved him, and he loved me to. He was a POC, once we started with each other his sister hated me for some reason, which made his mom hate me. And my parents hated him (I later figured this was a race and class thing for my father) so being together involved a lot of sneaking around, a lot of giving up, a lot of trying again, the sneaking around would get me in more trouble, especially if it was known it was with him. At this point, I didnt tell anyone how bad it was, I started self mutation. If I wasnt with him (we will call him Kay for the sake of thevstory) I would do any drug I could get and have sex or mess with whoever showed interest (well almost). It was how I would cope as I didnt think I could tell anyone. How could I say anything about what I was going through when I had a friend being raped by her brother, a friend who's dad just up and left, a friend whos mom called her fat and made her diet? I was literally a wreck and the worst part of the cycle was being this wreck made him more angry, he'd treat me worse, and I'd further wreck myself. So about Kay, we went on and off for years, then he moved in with a friend who was only a street away, I wasnt at a 8-3 school anymore and he graduated do it was really easy to be together. I immediately broke up with this other guy I was seeing (we will call him Colin) that my dad liked so I would use him to be able to leave the house ect so I could be with Kay. It was only a month and a half of perfection before it started falling apart. Kay wanted to talk to my father, he didnt know what things were like except that he didnt like him. He thought he could talk to him about how much he loved me and make things better, and I freaked out. He knew I was hurting myself, a few months before my father** had saw the marks and yelled at me asking if I was crazy, asking what the hell was wrong with me, telling me it was disgusting and I stayed in a padded room for a night before being released sense I wasnt suicidal, and Kay saw on my body that I had found a new more hidden place after that incident. He thought he could save me, and we would get married and be happy, but I knew if he went to talk to my father that my father would send him off and I would pay for trying such a thing. * That's when I made multiple huge mistakes that I havent shared with people, 9 years later. First, i broke up with him and told him i didnt even like him and needed time to discover myself,stuff like that. I never stopped loving him. To this day, I'm sure I'd still fall apart at his touch. *Within that same week, I missed my period, I again wasnt able to leave the house, I bought a tested while at the store with my mom, was caught and ordered to take it as soon as we were back. This was bad because if it was negative, I was going to be in trouble for basically no reason. And again this "trouble" wasnt normal. It meant my things wouldbe torn apart. I would be held down and screamed at, spit on not allowed to talk. But it wasnt negative, it was positive. And my mom was waiting downstairs, and I knew this only had a small handful of outcomes. Either they would send me off and have me give the baby up for adoption while being under close watch the whole time, or they would make me get rid of the baby. Abortion. So I did the first thing that came to mind, I called Colin. I told him I was pregnant and it was his. And that I couldnt talk right now. Then I told my mom, and immediately told her that Colin knew. To me, this was security. If he knew, someone would be checking in on me, he would tell his parents, another adult would he involved, if I disappeared there would be questions. And I knew I was right because I told my mom he knew and immediately she was upset I did that. I went in for an ultrasound, found out how far I was, quickly gave Colin a photo and shut the door on him. And the problems started. The dates dont match up, Colin said. I told him hes wrong. His parents wanted a paternity test, I said that's not possible itll hurt the baby. They claimed it wouldnt. I convinced Colin it was his and I just knew. He knew i had been seeing Kay but took my word.Then i heard from Kay, he heard I was pregnant. If he even thought it was his he would be at my door, trying to figure things out, trying to talk to my parents. But my father would not respect him the way he would Colin, so if anyone knew it was Kay's, I would be hurt, punished, sent away. I was terrified, I cant even explain the level of panic I had for my safety. I told Kay it wasnt his, there was no single way, and to leave me alone forever. It hurt so much to tell him that, it felt so wrong and I hated it and I knew it hurt him and I was so broken over it. After that, i was still stuck. The dates didnt match, Colin's parents wanted a paternity test, *the baby was partly a POC and might not come out white, so I wouldnt be able to pass them off as Colin's. I couldnt sleep. My father wasmt speaking to me and wasnt even around, really. I stayed in my room. My parents were pushing for me to get an abortion. "Were just going to the clinic so you can see what its like" my mom said when she took me to the abortion clinic. It was down a stair case, there were no protesters. They took my blood, they walked me through everything and asked when they could set up an appointment. They asked me one time if I wanted to do this, in front of my mom who stared me down. When she brought me back, she paid extra for them to put me to sleep. While I waited with the IV and the last ultra sound pictures I'd have done, I started crying. My mom wasnt there for this part, a nurse asked me why I was crying, she was so angry about it. I said sorry and tried to stop. She didnt ask if i wanted to do this, no one told me that i was at the point where the baby was like a small miniature looking baby, only slightly misshapen. No one told me it had tiny hands and feet, or what they would do with it afterward. And no one made sure i wanted this. When I went in the room I was alone with a Male doctor, and I remember how unusual that was as I had always been asked if I wanted someone else in the room if left with a Male doctor. And I laid on the doctor bed, and I remember think I should say something, this is my last chance, and then I was asleep. When I woke up I was given pads, they told my mom, not me, even though I was 17, that I would bleed for a few days. I never went to the check up appointment. I stayed in my room, I scanned every blood clot for a piece of the baby. I slept and cried, when I heard from Colin I told him that I lost the baby. That's all. I lost the baby. People spread rumors it wasnt ever real. I didn't care. I didnt leave my room. I didnt shower, I barely ate. I gave up Kay, and all my friends connected to him, Colin started dating my bestfriend and they talked shit about me, I lost everyone connected to them. I was just alone. My father came back and was around more. They never talked to me about it, never asked if I was okay. I was like that for months, before finding friends online, forcing myself to listen to happy music, go out, pretending. Fake it till you make it. I met two people, we will call Slw and Ice- who helped me in that time more than they will ever know because they didnt know about it. Slw once asked why we didnt hang out with my friends and I got really upset with him but they both helped me so much. Ice reminded me it was okay to hurt and not be okay, he just didnt know what about. I made more friends, I am so greatful for every single one because they are the only reason I dudnt take my own life in those following years. Things got bad again. I got bad. I am better now, I have kids. People say I am a good mom. But ever sense "getting better" I think about that baby everyday. I worry life will take one of my babies that are here because I let that one die. How can I be a good mom when I let that happen? And I dont deserve them. And I am so sorry to that child. I could have found another way. I could have spoke more. That childs dad would have loved them and had no choice. I hate myself for this, every day. And again, have no where to go to talk about it. Like I said I just needed to get it off my chest because it eats me alive, everyday. Regardless of if people think abortion is right or wrong. To me, I know I got rid of a baby with a future, and its minimalized.

[thirdstrikes]

S6: let it rip (post vld s6 thoughts)

I HAVE ASCENDED AND AM ON ANOTHER PLANE OF EXISTENCE

LIKE I AM NEVER COMING DOWN FROM THIS

thought Season 3 was good? Season 5 was awesome? Season 6 is another BITCH entirely. best season ever, hands down.

okay let’s like talk about allurance this season? because bitches that was fucking all i wanted in life, and i got that and more. i’m immortal. i’m in heaven. i cannot be stopped. i’ve risen.

so basically voltron is a 100K+ slow burn allurance fic. good to know. that’s all she wrote. glad i finally know what i signed up for. 

burn baby burn

god allura can like save lives? like she jumped out of her lion when lance got hit and saved him, regardless of the huge radiation belt like seconds from burning them to smithereens. he’s so important to her. he loves her so much. i’m in heaven. did i already say that?

lord lord lord the keith and krolia backstory? like hello, shit? his mother loves him so much, and keith finally knows the truth. all he ever knew about his mother is that she left him? but it’s. like jesus fucking on a toaster strudel, it wasn’t the mission she had to protect this whole time, it was him.

someone hold me, for the love of god hold me.

and two years? like what the fuck? are we all going to gloss over the fact that it’s been two years for them? like jesus fucking hell. 

but he got that time with his mama, and he’s missed out on nearly 2 decades of it. i guess i’ll let him have this one.

nghh shiro wears papa kogane’s clothes. i love it. jesus. still didn’t get a fucking name for dad, vld peeps, i’m bitters

also the wolf is adorable and i love it and please name it cosmo. i have dubbed it so.

also jesus shit i saw that fucking lotura shit coming. i knew he’d betray her. and they had to get close for it to sting more. but the whole thing broke my heart cause i would have loved a good!lotor, and i guess he’s kinda understandable. he’s just got the altean purity outlook with galran tendencies, and that’s going to cause issues. he comes from a good place, but his morals and actions are skewed so far to the right it ain’t funny.

poor allura. girl got her heartbroken. i’m here for you baby. (lance is too!!!)

and oh SHE KNOW SHE KNOWS SHE KNOWS how he feels about her. like i literally CANT anymore.

and shiro baby? GLAD THE CLONE THEORY WAS RIGHT.

kudos to those who called a shiro farm!

dare we talk about episode 5, season 6: the black paladins? aka the best episode ever???

the A N I M A T I O N was off the charts! the art was wonderful! it was breathtaking. 

keith with studio ghilbi hair like fuck me with a chainsaw it’s all i’m gonna be talking about for the next two years.

please kill me, everything about thsi episode was amazing and you can all fight me to the death if you have anything bad to say about it

KEITH: YOU MADE A PROMISE ONCE. YOU TOLD ME YOUD NEVER GIVE UP ON ME.

SHIRO: AND I SHOULD HAVE ABANDONED YOU. JUST LIKE YOUR PARENTS DID.

ME: *sobbing*

keith’s galra genes coming out to play? i mean who didn’t love that. that’s some hunka hunka burning hot love right there, man, yes siree.

god the sheith scene there was something out of a fanfic and i was sobbing, but i don’t know if it was cause i hadn’t peed in a few hours by this point, i was excited, or i was terrified. kind of a mix of all three probably.

i can wax poetry about episode 5 for the rest of my life. i wonder how long they spent on it. cause it looks and feels like a masterpiece. like amen. you all deserve awards. i elect this the best episode of animation in all of tv and media. thank you for coming to my ted talk.

YOU’RE MY BROTHER. I LOVE YOU.

fuck me with a chainsaw. did not expect to get that. it was beautiful.

can we just talk about how shiro was trapped in the astral plane? he fucking died at the end of season 2. but black saved his essense or whatever. like shit dude. didn’t expect to be right about that.

the others couldnt hear shiro cause they’re connection wasn’t strong enough. but keith did it. their bond was enough. i love them.

also guys guys keith’s “i love you” nearly broke through to kuron. their bond is strong enough to convert even the most deadset nonbeliever.

all versions of shiro love keith, no matter what happens or who they are. it’s canon now, bitches.

okay i think i’m done talking about episode 5.

let’s face i never will be. sorry not sorry bitches.

the last 3 episodes were done beautifully. like the animation was breathtaking. the characters were amazing. the final fight was beautiful.

i could have it be a series finale and the show never continues right now, and i’d be fine with it. that’s how good this season was.

and then them bringing shiro back? like props to allura. girl you doing great, sweetie. i’m so proud of you.

YOU FOUND ME. Y O U F O U N D ME.

on a list of things i will never be over

poor lance. oh my god, there were tears, but he’s one of my favorites. god i loved him this season. my baby i love you. he thought he had failed shiro, and that hurt. jesus he cares so much.

i legit cried when the castle got destroyed. it’s been their home. i think i quoted hunk and i ain’t even seen the episode before.

but now they’re going back to earth and i’m living

and basically this whole season was a blessing that we did not deserve

amen

please come talk to me about this shit. it’s all i’m gonna be thinking about.

[diaryofsecrecy]

It has been the most exhausting year of my entire life and I will be surprised if I ever top it...

Brent was having a hard time adjusting to the altitude when we 1st came out here, (July 8th 2020) But as time went on he got better as expected. Then suddenly he got worse and worse, Eventually he lost the job that he got because he was calling out so often throwing up and experiencing extreme nausea.  Because of covid, the doctors were booked for weeks (new patient) so it was just kind of a waiting game until we finally decided to just go to the ER.  They did a full blood panel and decided that he needs to see a GI doctor because everything else is normal. So, That was booked 2 weeks out and he was sent home with nausea medication for one week...

Of course we were going to try to buy or rent so I was freaking out about money and working as much as I possibly could... But then I too had to go to the emergency Room because I had extreme abdominal pain resulting in an emergency appendectomy😖

The day after my surgery, I am home, when my dad comes in with my older sister.

To my knowledge, my older sister was diagnosed paranoid schizofrantic. She has been Homeless for the last 11 years,  And on drugs.  She recently was beaten so badly that she was left with several brain injuries on top of it all, And while she was healing at the hospital somehow they didn't notice her walk out.  We were just about to get her placed somewhere safe...And they lost her.

Anyhow dad walks in with my sister who I guess called him from a coffee shop when they told her that she couldn't sleep there anymore (after a month of being missing again) Dad had to go back to work so then it was me & her for the next 2 days, As you can imagine, not the rest I needed post surgery... then, I had to go back into the hospital because something wasn't right. I was there for 3 more days, 2 days alone because ben was so sick that it was worse with him being there than me sitting by myself in pain and nausea of my own.

Fast forward a few more months, tragic accidents led to 2 separate deaths of my parents dogs. Both events I happen to be present, so get blamed & am no longer welcome at mom & dads.

(Still healing from sugury, brent still very sick)

We get an apartment, and I start working as a nanny for my aunt twice a week while working at Massage Envy the other 5 days.

At this point, I am tired. I am horney, and lonely, and Absolutely. Fucking. Miserable.

I am begging ben to keep up with drs. but he has lost hope of getting better, and I have no way of helping him when I am already worn too thin.

After 9, Long, long months, he eventually, with my consistent pushing, nagging, most likely not always kind remarks, he finds out his hormones are completely off, which I knew would be the case, his dick hadnt worked for the last 3 years properly..

Anyway. He blames his addiction medication rather than continuing dr. Appointments... he gets on testosterone with an outside company(pay out of pocket kind of subscription company...rather than checking insurance, or figuring out what causes low testosterone and fixing that first). I was working and had no influence in any of those choices that effect us both as they have for at least 2 years. He hasnt touched me for so, so, long.

Month 3 of his medication that seems to be working (only reason I know is there was a ton of porn in my google history, he had declined all advances, except the rare, 3 times he allowed a blowjob then left immediately after for the gym or literally anything else rather than make it romantic at all.)

Month 4, he forgets to make a payment at all, so now we owe $250 rather than the normal $100. His meds get sent, then FedEx loses the package all together so, he is sick and I am house sitting in a dream home, alone for 2 weeks straight that originally was going to be our getaway to focus on Us.

At this point, brent and I havnt slept in the same bed for 2 months. At first cause he says I'm mean and he wants to not be near me, but now its cause hes "more comfortable out in the living room..."

A month ago when we last had a conversation about our relationship he said he wants space and a break from me all together. I'm too much.

I am the problem..?

When trying to understand what he means, he shuts down the connvo, saying he cant talk about it anymore. It's been 30 days since we have made any verbal progress. Our fighting has stopped though, and I'll tell you why...

Rewind 1 week before house sitting;

1 week after brent and I had an awful fight where he told me we should take a break, I stay at my parents & My mom offers for me to join them at a graduation party of a kid I used to babysit.

We were sitting in the back of the dining room, out of the way, when I saw someone i slightly recognized in the hallway. Not sure from where, but he was the kind of guy that you couldnt stop looking at. He was clearly into fitness, his shirt couldnt hide the muscular features he had been perfecting either, despite him dressing nothing out of the ordinary. He had beautiful ink crawling up his leg, an artform that would only mean something to someone who is more spiritually awake. But more noticable about anything was that smile.

God that smile. His face was scruffy, as if he had been away, but regardless, the smile he had influenced his entire ora. His eyes smiled, his walk... smiled. He had some kind of thing about him that was a physical draw I had never known for myself before. Dont get me wrong, i have been woo'd by many men so far in my life, from all stages in life, but This one was just, different. He was making his way around the room, & I could hear his voice over my mom who's talking beside me. I had literally been blocked out by my ever wondering thoughts of this random stranger whom felt familiar.

Then, he was there, at our table?

He was so easy to talk to, not even sure how we started now, but all I know is I was not nervous despite my very physical attraction to him.

He spoke of traveling, and adventures hes been on. This guy had a whole other life in the military at one point and now was traveling, working for a company that sends him around the US.

This guy had Hope's and dreams and somehow we got to talking about that kind of thing at a graduation party?

When I left that day, I thought about him. Not just him specifically, but men like him. Had I chosen Brent wrongfully? Does brent even like who I am anymore, what does he want going forward in his own life? How do I even fit into that? He understands my need for adventure but his actions say that he doesnt want to come along. My mind was loopy after that because for the first real time I questioned, what if there was someone who wanted to see the world,  Who liked my sad music, and my emotions being in everything I do? What if there was a women more interested in the simple home life, having a couple dogs and living a small, comfortable life? Are we doing one another a disservice by occupying oneanother's lives? How could I ever bring that up with Brent at all without making him feel so inadiquite after a year of terrible sickness and defeat?

Well, when I went to that big, gorgeous dream home the following week to house sit for 2 weeks... begging him to come see me, I grew weak from overthinking. I cried, I cried so much the first 3 days.

I cried from a place of such sadness, anger, bitterness, defeat, they were so strong. My mind was cloudy, drunk, stoned, tired.... I found myself writing a suicide letter.

My plan was to disappear, I knew I'd find a firearm in the home & allow someone to find my remains eventually in the hills where I'd walk far enough.

I prepared by cleaning the litterbox, laying out several bowls of water for the dog and cat, and watered all the plants heavily. I transfered brent all the money in my bank accounts, and as I waited for the sheets to come out of the dryer I balled my eyes out, reading the last conversations I had had with my family members. I thought to myself how the kids would take it, what different life choices they would make having been close with someone before their passing. At this point, I needed something, but I needed it from someone who doesnt know me in my life right now, but the me that was worth saving. The me I still recognized.

I called an old friend from 2nd grade. Hadnt talked to her in years and years, didnt known her life, her schedual, her name(which had been changed). But she talked me down. She saved my fucking life. It took a person who knew my soul years ago, to remind me I am not alone.

I dont blame my parents, or who I thought would be my future husband. I had talked with my aunt earlier that day and she couldnt see it either. I had become this fake shell of a person and it took considering an actual murder of myself to make me see that if I continued this path, I would die eventually and nobody in my life would ever see me preparing for it.

That night, I invited a complete stranger over and we fucked like rabbits. 4 times. He got to do things he'd never done before, and I begged him to. Sounds cold, sounds unapologetically disgusting that I'd do something like that, but quite frankly, I FUCKING needed it. I needed someone to see me, even if he didnt see my current life nor care about me as a person... he saw, touched, kissed, sucked and ate me up. For the first time in at least 2 years, i felt satisfaction when I walked him to the door and watched his car drive away.

It was like a sigh of relief, an inch I could not reach for the longest time, gone. Finally.

The following days, brent began putting in more effort. It has been 3 weeks and I'd say he has been kinder to me than he had in a while (probably the lack of testosterone) but also, I havnt seen much of him in general. From his point of view, it is all fine. Hes getting the space he needed, I'm being nicer since I quit massage Envy, and things are looking up....

But that is because he doesnt See Me.

My suisidal thoughts subsided after my long conversation with Scout. & that night I called my cousin as well, and learned he too had been in my shoes before. He said something that stuck with me.

If everyone has an expiration date on their life already, and we don't know when it is, you're to the point that you're life is so invaluable that youd kill yourself than flee your life and make one you want. Dont care about the people youd hurt, because suicide is just as careless as abandoning them all indefinitely.

He was so right, it put things into perspective, gave me a freedom I felt I was waiting to gain permission for.

Five days later, I noticed He had written me 5 before, on the day I had truly planned to end my current life..

He had written me at 12am, what would someone like him, a gorgeous, beefed out, big thinker, high energy, go getter be doing messaging me, a tired women who was 300lbs a year ago, (still working on getting to a normal size) and completely at a crossroads with existance.

I entertained the connvo a tad, and honestly forgot about it for a few days as I figured no way he could be serious.

He triple messaged me, and asked for my personal contact info to have real conversation?

Hesitantly, and wildly excited to even just flirt for a moment with someone who is literally everything I fantasize when I'm alone everynight....

Our conversation immediately took off. In directions I hadnt expected at all what so ever. He told me he had to admit he felt drawn to me, like he had known me in another life. That he doesnt expect me to get it, but I did. We talked about things that only my sister and I can relate to on a spirituality standard and it changed me in that instant. Suddenly i realize, I wasn't broken, I was just misunderstood. & that there are people in this world that See Me even when I am not trying. Not many, and it takes a specific Kind of person, but they do exist and when you meet them, you cant ignore it. It is as if they stain you with remembrance.

As the sexually hungry humans we are, not only did we find that morality, values, future goals coexist, but also our importance of intimacy. Not just lust and sex, well, yes that too, uff did those conversations get so, fucking, hot, but the interactions of intimacy and how they make a person whole.

I opened up to him about Brent, and where I am at in life, asking he please oversee my unfaithfulness, but that I am loyal at heart. He says with such pain in his voice how he too in a parallel position simultaneously, however, he married her 7 years ago.

Ugh.

So now I get to choose. Do I chose mortality, say no, brent and the other women deserve to understand the severity of sex, love and passion, and if they chose not to then we will leave before we act on our mutual attraction....? Or, do we say hell with it and give in to serendipity moments that our hearts crave so badly, take on the consequences and move forward. Sigh. If only there was a guideline for complicated.

Last night, as the 5 nights before, we talked for hours on the phone. His voice makes me smile every, damn, time. Perhaps because it's new and exciting, or maybe I just love to hear him go on his tangents of loving yourself despite the bad in life. I Want him. I want him when I wake, &when I go to sleep. I do not want a life without him& it saddens me to know our timing is incorrect. He asked her for a divorce a year ago, but has sat comfortably as I have despite the horror because weve both been too busy, too tired, too... afraid that life will always be lonely. Last night, he said to me, Elise, I love you. I avoided it several times but when he said it two more times, I couldnt keep it any longer to myself, Jackson, I really do Love you as well. It's scary, and faster than I'd ever say it to anyone. But I know it to be true because I Feel it. I want his love so badly. I want him to live life along side of me because with a person like him, I'd be a better me.

I am absolutely terrified. My life, my home, my family, dogs, my 5 year relationship, the unborn children brent and I have named, and the houses we'd have... all gone?

Running away with a man who says hes going to leave his wife is absolutely stupid. I'd be an idiot to think I am enough to get him through that fear of change, yet he gives me strength to want to try, so maybe I do, Him?

Ugh my brain being pulled in many ways. My heart having been in pieces so many times now doesnt know who to go to or why. I know for certain I love Brent, is this a self gratifying moment To push me back to him? Is this the devil bringing two lost people together to ruin four people at once?or is this Fate. Fate that has seen both of us individually loosing ourselves in a life we didnt want and has brought us together to lean on one another, temporarily not?

Suppose time will tell.

Last two days he has been working a ton, and told me that tomorrow he has something he needs to talk to me about.

I assume it isnt good. I assume it is the first put off of many, because, I know I want to do the same. Part of me says I should block him right now, because lust, and attraction, both mentally and physically like that couldnt make a women addicted and that's a no good addiction when he has a women in his house with his last name. 😔

[askdurianrider]

FL less then a million views the past 30 days. she is down to vc views. soon she will be joining eisel

Wow. Sad to see. I warned her this last year that if we fought each other online that she would be the loser because she put up such a ‘Im the perfect princess’ image. At least 99% of my audience knows I dont fake my answer, responses, experiences or opinions so they can count on me saying it how I really fucking see it regardless if they like me or not they know Im the one guy who wont bullshit them. My honesty is 99% of the reason Ive gotten myself into any of this drama in the first place. 

Her career is literally over now. All because she couldnt handle the fact that I hooked up with some fangirls and a friend when we split up and she HAD to get revenge on me for that even though she was cheating on me the entire time with Robin by inviting him over and saying he was ‘just a friend and I dont find him attractive like that Harley lol!’. 

I do blame myself a lot though as I groomed her up on social media to get to the peak she got and when I know longer could handle her toxic ways and left her to her own devices she just literally destroyed herself. Her brand went to shit, her fitness went to shit, her vibe went to shit. She hates her current fanbase so much and finds them to be such losers she doesnt even want to meet any of them in public. The only time she fakes interest in them is some fake smiles when they make it rain on the super chat button during livestreams. (another template she copied from me but I dont mind because Im a person who believes in sharing ideas, photos, templates etc)

I WISH we could have been friends. FL can’t be friends with an ex though and that is very immature. Sure I can handle conflict but I really prefer comradery any day of the week. Everyone knows I forgave her for the stuff she did to me. It would have been the best for the community if we could have kept our differences in private but I think the botox really fucked her up in the head because if you look at the photos of when she was a kid she doesnt look anything like the cold, shallow narcissistic gold lover she has become today.  

No wonder none of the big youtubers that used to mention her care about her anymore. They worked out she was just another social climber fading into back pages of google searches. She could have been such a positive force if she controlled her narc behavior. Coming clean about her botox addiction could have been the first step in self healing. 

She literally got Figsy for the Jenna Marbles shout out and NEVER wanted anything to do with Figsy again after that. She literally paid my friends $5000 to take Figsy and if they didnt want her to dump her with someone else and STRICT instructions I could not care for Figsy even though I know her needs better than anyone and Figsy enjoys hanging with me now.

She went level psycho on me when Tori and I got together. She emails her all the time and gets Nicole and Simone to harass her. Ive always been chummy with robin though even though I knew he was doing the dirty behind my back.

I just found a HD video today on my hard drive that nobody has ever watched online. It is clear as day she is on the face injections in this video as it is very close up. I wonder if I should even upload it. I guess I dont have a choice because she is still trying to destroy me online and I need to point out how much of a liar she is and one that can’t be trusted. 

[leaveyourhomebehind]

18 things ive learned by 18

1. not everything needs a reaction. better yet, not everything needs to be taken so seriously. i wish i could get back all the time ive spent on stupid drama 2. your mom loves u. it doesnt seem like ull ever be able to get along with her until its 10 pm and u just got off work and ur crying over how stressed u are. shes the only person who will always b on ur team. love her. 3. the boy that took ur heart and crushed it didnt even realize he was doing something that would hurt u. forgive and move on, just dont keep searching for someone to fill the hole left behind. 4. read everything. read true crime, read romance, read every single stephen king novel just bc u liked one of his short stories. everyone who says they dont like reading just hasnt found the right book. 5.its ok to take a day off of school bc u cant bring urself to leave bed. its ok to take 5. just always get ur homework done and be sure to get ur notes. 6. life is literally too short to not try and make changes. if u dont like how ur school runs something, go in and tell them. no one ever mentions the small victories. 7. dont start drinking and partying bc ur sad. better yet, dont start doing it bc ur friends want to. have a good time but never get shit faced just to blur something from ur mind. 8. when ur friend falls for another shitty boy, let her. u wont b able to change her mind on how she feels, but at least b there for her through it all and when it does go south, tell her she deserves better and that he was ugly anyways. 9. ur going to meet people senior yr that u wish u wouldve met ur first yr. people who u click with and feel like uve known forever. accept that u might lose contact after graduation. 10. always make time for people who make u feel alive. go on impromptu road trips that last 3 hours and r just going across state line and back. 11. when ur screaming song lyrics and dancing in the car with one of ur best friends, ur going to feel more alive than u have in a long time. hold onto that feeling and never let go. 12. make a playlist for every mood u have. make one for rainy weather, make one for the sunny days when u feel like u could conquer everything. mood music is never something to skip. dont force urself to listen to g-eazy when u should b listening to the strokes. 13. ur best friend is going to upset u. never intentionally, but it will happen. cry about it and move on. she would still rip the stars out of the sky for u. 14. when he calls u at 1 am to talk about his girlfriend, dont get angry. when he goes back to her after she cheated on him, explain why u are upset and move on. there is only so much u can do for someone if they wont listen. 15. dont hurt urself when ur angry. when all of ur emotions have been buried deep inside for weeks and u can feel urself shaking, listen to the cute boy who tells u to take deep breaths. u can punch a wall a thousand times, but if u dont change ur mindset ull never feel release. 16. sex isnt everything u should look for in a relationship. bc he will have sex w u does not mean he likes u. when u find a boy that has no intentions of having ur body, dont find it weird. everyone has different ways of loving. 17.speaking of love, not everyone shows it the same way. dont get sad when u go out of ur way to drive places for people who never offer to do so for u. dont overthink about it. u can give and give and give but if thats not how they show their appreciation, u cant force them to. 18. ur going to feel so sad sometimes that ull think the world is ending. ur going to think that u could die right at that moment. never hide ur emotions when ur asked about them. if u say ur fine, people will believe u. always tell the truth about how ur feeling and accept that u cant always be the sunshine to everyones day. u cant always b positive and happy and thats what's beautiful about life. there are ups and downs and regardless of however many downs u have, u can always look back at the last time u felt so happy u couldnt stop smiling for 2 hours.

[for-the-brokenhearted]

1/23/2020

i am actually getting freaked out about how much time is passing without me logging in or anything. a lot of course has happened in the 7+ months ive been gone. its like a fucking pregnancy

ive literally been gone almost long enough to have a fucking child. i should start writing in here more, bobbi even suggested that. i had a meltdown at her house a couple of weeks ago and she gave me some really great advice....jase too.

i was upset bc craig and i had another fight. we had just gotten back from ny and i got sick with sinus infection and pink eye. wonderful. he came over and gave me some schpeel about...wait...schpiel? shpealllll....shpiel?? 

*clears throat* 

....about how he would like for us to be a couple that has great self discipline and shit... blah blah blah. im so annoyed. not only was it the most imperfect timing (me feeling as bad as i look) but as if i already didnt feel like shit.

this september, on MY birthday actually, we had a huge blowout bc i just couldnt take it anymore. i was sick of feeling fat, imperfect, ugly, not fit, all that jazz. 

what caused it all was him pointing out how i had bad posture while driving to his house. i fucking lost my shit.

“WHY THE FUCK DO YOU KEEP POINTING OUT MY INSECURITIES I FEEL LIKE IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU IM SICK OF THIS SHIT I SHOULD NOT FEEL THIS BAD ABOUT MYSELF ALL THE TIME AND IM SICK OF THE PASSIVE AGRESSIVE COMMENTS YOU MAKE ABOUT ME AND MY BODY AND I FEEL LIK EVERY TIME YOU TOUCH ME ITS LIKE YOU’RE EVALUATING MY BODY FAT”

to be fair, i shoudlnt have blown the fuck up. but come on. i had been dealing with this shit for over two years. since float fest, maybe even before that. which is awful bc i shouldnt feel so bad everytime i look in the mirror. 

when im with my boyfriend or future husband or whatever...i should feel like the most beatufiyl person, inside and out. like i can tell him EVERYTHING and not feel like i have to lie to protect myself. 

this is just scary bc the bottom line is lately i havent felt like that. in a long time. like prob over a year. which sucks. 

anyways, the solution i came up with was to not talk about food, health, or fitness for 3 months. yup. i laid down the law. 

but at the same time, i needed to. this had really manifested itself into something super super ugly. where when we went out to eat i would order what i would think he would WANT me to order, not bc he said anything, but bc of the pressure i felt whether that was coming from him or me. 

i would also lie about getting fast food by myself or feel happy when i would skip a meal bc it was less calories- these are very unhealthy behaviors and i did tons more.

i felt like the little commesnt like grande girl or glutton girl really got to me and he probably felt like he could make those comments safely bc i wasnt fat or unhealthy. but he made me feel like it. 

im still working on it everyday, but right now im hitting a wall.

Bobbi told me to start writing more bc i think the stream of consciousness helps me cope. and i know shes right. i tell craig the same thing and he says it helps him gather his thoughts and whatnot.

i went over to her house freaking out bc i found myself in a state where i’m afraid of everything- this is actually my current state. i just had a major realization. 

im afraid of love. marriage. committment.. running. exercising. living together. moving forward- even though that's everything i want

craig also said that he felt like hes not allowed to touch me and we havent had sex in a while. bobbi pointed out that this is probably bc i wasnt taking care of myself and bc I didnt like MYSELF so i didnt want anyone near me.

she was def right about that. 

so i started doing more for myself and prioritizing the things i needed to do over everything else. its been nice. i even took a bath today. and the thing is craig is happy when i do things for myself like that. which is great.

but im still defensive and i still reject physical touch. i dont feel that kind of love i felt for craig at the beginning and he probably knows that. weve been through so much and ifeel like i dont know what to do.

i feel like were so unhealthy and i feel like things are always so fucking hard. i mean you know whats batshit crazy....? weve been dating for almost 5 motherfucking years. 

im so upset. not that weve been dating for that long, but because i feel like were still in such a juvenile spot. i got made earlier in 2019 bc craig is JUST NOW thinking about marriage and is having a forward thinking mindset. justnow. i am 25. im just sick of dating someone younger than me sometimes. 

i want to be lead. i want someone whos there for me. i want security, reliabiolity, etc.

last night we atually got into an arguemnt over bobbi and jase: tl;dr i feel like hes weird aroudn them and didnt liek the fact that he says a ton of outlandish negative untrue bullshit about jase and its not even true. its just based off of the “vibes” he gets. i dont do that. i try to be as kind as i can to everyone and i just feel like he has a lack of tolerance. i dont like that. i want him to have a good heart and treat everyone as they should be regardless of their background, unhealthy habits etc. 

i just feel like maybe the more we grow old or whatever, the less compatible were getting. and im exhausted. i dont feel like dating anyone else i dont even feel like dating him sometimes.

something cool we did discover, along with the fact that i need to take care of myself more is that in the relationship i have alwasy been “on” or “on call” in a way of alwasy being alert and never at rest bc i feel like he needs me to show up somewhere and in a way it was my way of showing that i cared about the relationship bc it was always top of mind, wrong. i am tired and maybe thats why i always got on his ass about random bullshit bc i felt like i was always putting in way more effort than he was, bc i was. in a bad way.

I'm really lost and i don't know what to do. I've been in new Orleans (still am) for Kaltura connect and its been super fun to meet a ton of cool people. but i am so tired, I worked almost a 12 hour day yesterday and conferences are exhausting. 

maybe im feeling this way bc I'm tired? i just hope we get it back even though sometimes it feels like we wont’. our relationship has always been so volatile form the very beginning and i was hoping that over time it would get better. in some ways it has, in some ways it hasnt. 

i look at couples and marriage photos and see the love and the joy these other people experience and i wonder if i will ever get that. sometimes with craig i think yes, but sometimes i think no. what if this ends. i know ill be okay if it does but obviously thats not ideal. the thing is that were not even married and i dont feel that now, will i ever? will it come back? im praying for an amazing and safe but spontaneous love and ive been praying that for a while, i just dont know if ill ever get that with him. is this God telling me this is the end? then again,  ive felt like this before

like last year 12.23.18 when craig called me a slut and called my family psychos at the slc track bc i accidentally threw keys at my face. it took me the majority of 2019 to get over that. and to get over the fact that 4 months later i was going to be fired from wells fargo.

bottom line is im getting older and i feel like i don't have time for stupid bullshit or to feeol bad about myself, but the problem is that i still do. maybe this is just the beginning of the end. we love each other so much- i really do and i mean it. sometimes i feel like i could never be this comfortable with anyone ever again, but then again i said that last time with chad.

fuckkkkkkkkk i hate feeling like this. i hate being so unsure about everything and feeling like shit. i feel lonely bc sometimes our disagreements are so bad. i just want him to grow up and get over htis shit or maybe its just time to move on.

hes already done some growing up but i cant keep banking on that to happen in a long term plan bc what happens if he doesnt..... then what. 

[dwdelaney-blog]

5/1

was right ashcroft - was right to be worried - it was about usattys and killing my case. the fbi is obligated to defend the doj  when it has obtained a judgement - if the matter is pending the doj will argue to uphold the judgement - in the regular appeal process - this is not complicated - it is the way its supposed to be - but everything seems upside down in my case - gop args wits are treasonous - natsec risks - a counterintel inv takes place - lasting many years - they get nothing - which brings us today - the ashcroft bedside - the firing of comey sends shockwaves through fbi - and doj - thats why - agag and card want to blow up my case and need ashcrofts signature - hes drugged up and in a hosp bed - ashcroft tells agag & card to get the sig from comey - hes designated comey as interim ag - the context is - ashcroft is not in the hosp for the flu - i think he may require surgery - its pancreatitus - i think hes under a lot of medication and they need to take the thing out or something - note esp the rel b/t card and rove - and goodling - sampson etc. - agag is not a great legal mind right - and rove is pulling strings at doj - and its obvious in the names of the replacements - you dont need to be a sleuth or a legal scholar - note the rel between the fitz inv - and kjell - and cellini - springfieldconsulting - think about the timing - all this stuff is happening at the same time - it has all passed now - the truth of the situation has been concealed and those that might say anything have met with lots of bad luck - unfortunate things of a mysterious nature - kind of like me -

5/3/19

We have wisc - badgers - the nra speech - in his speech a couple days ago - quoted on this page - it was mentioned - the dems - the opposition - the people that are not us - have - this or that - cant remember what the first part is - but trump at some point says - we have wisconsin - in the context of the speech it is implied to mean a reference to winning the state of wi - in the 2016 election - hes saying - scoreboard - im winning wi - what hes really saying is - we - you and me - the people in this room - are going to prevail in the conflict regarding my case - the rico trial scrp - the counterintel inv - doubling down on the rico case - what hes saying is we are going to win - we are going to defeat dennis delaney and anyone that would want to help him - because we have wi - badgers - mi - thats what hes saying - thats what i took from it and i dont think im wrong - thats exactly how the people in that room took it - what that means is that hes saying im willing to use mi in a judicial conflict - in a purely partisan effort to derail the case - and to put pressure on delaney - to concede and claim that all the chem and wasted time has been all one big misunderstanding - not going to happen - im not going to concede - hes saying he will use mi to prevail in a legal conflict he already lost - a trial based on the notion that mi was being misused for political reasons -

Joliet jake - scc - criminal record - chad jacobs - dont know that guy - never met this guy - claimed link to consent - jacob engels - jake as consent - ie how is everything - i found out when people run a background check for employment reasons - my name came back as a felon - have talked about this - its possible this is just a typo or something - bad luck - worth noting though - the jake thing is a strawberry link - winston - from what i understand - winston attys may sometimes be referred to as strawberrys - dont know anything about this - regardless - the thing about the criminal record - the county bldg - the jail - scrp - winston - thompson - chigop - thompson alums - greco baise vala - possible that defs claim at trial chad jacobs is link to consent - if so - ive never met that guy - never even seen him - they knew theyd lose -

Take article from todays globe - police ot and judge says - why not charge as rico - this sounds like rico - the judge is saying - i hear cases charging rico that dont sound this good - if shes saying this out loud - in public - after hearing the facts of the case - and shes questioning why the case isnt plead as rico - literally questioning the prosecutor - and he stumbles - and can only say the facts dont support it - he must be implying facts not offered into evidence that are exculpatory - which should have been mentioned - either way - defs claim I shouldnt arg rico - doj shouldnt charge rico - defs arg doj should not pursue the rico from my complaint. First response - theyre biased - second - its in my complaint - third - they win - fourth - they dont try to argue - they knew theyd lose - all this arg is after the fact - defs say lets solve this thing in court - until they lose - now wh says - lets do this thing in public - what hes saying is - no here on delaney - fudd - no hurry - indefinite detention - the dems should stage an intervention -

And note the art re insys - exec charged criminally for opioid case - bribes docs to rx known addictive substance - xa cocaine on garbage bags - doj - someone said i couldnt buy my food - and see cocaine on the floors and walls in jail - thats why i couldnt feel my hands and feet - and then they want to claim im an addict - balzekas - lots to talk about here - chant - angels - just trying to help people - vala - ni - see remarks re wi - chants of trumpence - rinkman - dennispmoore - wpp - that dude is in the power business - being able to fuck up my life - makes him look good - note links to thompson alums - chigop - greco baise vala - chamber - the chants of trumpence is a reference to clockwork orange - angels - good samaritans - xa sembler seed - addiction frame - cheney comment re spkr -

Unite the right - no here - needletrades - cellini busted - xa - cellini vala - rivkcs - karl kemme - cletus - clute - hecla - galv ports cleat - longies - ierc - ororke - obscene phone calls - gwb admin - perry homicidal threats frame - agriculture - ecole - agricolae - ffa - farm bro - fibro - farm chem - glyphosate - xa op - cunningham - heffe ron - cifa - usattys - mcds - ronde santis - swimmers - sharktopus - lincoln era gop - roddavis lincoln historian - ala - chamber ic - sd mitrovich - cits club - rudy davenport - no hurry - dennis consents - no one is making us stop - he will have to live like this until he gives up his case - until he gives us what we want - wes barr - tr sembler - bully -

5/4/19

Txgop - cornyn - cruz - tx22 - perry as agdir - agricolae - kid rock - duane johnson - i was put in jail on a charge of burglary - specifically breaking and entering - b & e - xa bennis elaine - b&e - benny and the jetts - pope benedict - ace lebrity we can get behind - dutton bonilla - sylvester lanning - thompson - edgar - reineke - thompson alums links to edgar - greco baise vala - richardhart - cellini - celletti - 404th chem - karl kemme - tx is usarec - tx22 - deps - galv - vester - rocky - sere guy - laffers - houpd - complaint sent to homicide - they knew i wasnt a terrorist - nix alums and political opponents of lbj - txgop - my moms family is related to lbj johnsons - i think - note also my dads family is somehow linked to wp - not by blood - my dads mom remarries a guy that has a son that worked at wp - dont know anything about my dads dad - for that matter dont know anything about grandmothers husband in chi - when i visited - all i understand is what other people seem to imply - indirectly - i think some of that talk is overstated - be that as it may - i believe that is the basis of the shark smear stuff - what thats hiding is the attack on me linked to opposition to txdems and the wp - nix fans dont like wp - txgop dont like fans of lbj - they can fuck with me and its like retaliation for the impeachment of nix - and txgop hates txdems - i honestly dont know why the people doing this to me are doing it - it doesnt matter - they are not being honest about how it started - I have been as honest as i can possibly be - it is the defendants that have continued to be completely dishonest about what has put us in this situation - the fact is they are simply unwilling to admit that what they have been doing to me is wrong - this thing has been going on a long time - longer than it should - longer than it needs to - i am committed to speaking out against the untruth of the defendants - I dont consent to addiction frame thing - its an excuse to browbeat me into giving up my case - whos extorting who - that fig leaf is getting smaller - i honestly dont know how thing ends - the people doing this to me will be exposed for what they are - understand that - lanning and rock - vest - galv - 123 oclock - sleep deprivation - haley - barber - schaive and a herr cut - ronde santis - hefferon - james elmer mitchell - sere guy - spk - spkattys - clute - cletus - herschell krustovsky - krusteil - steil - scso - sideshow bob - night mgr - 3d shift - they put me in jail - cleat galv ports - tx might muffler - cand was usmc - nabors - xa ed smith is tx - regional - and note link from delay to shim - shim factory work in tx - actually sent on job at shim factory - xa charlotte job in cape - halliburton in galv - cheney - scooter - razor scooter - schaive and a herr cutt - crazy pete hoekstra - zito link to ovp - cellnet - meters - bunn - sangamo meters - the nix link - targeting me is seen as payback for impeachment of nix - nix alums - cheney - rummy - copeland - fox ailes - simpsons - team mack - lemon tree - san clemente - while at loft -  link to san clemente - loft girl - loft was radicalization frame - terr frame - xa bunn in oc - bunn at nursing home mulvaney - the  2franks - mcds poison is real - note mcds links - and execs - go away - legoland - judgement against mcds carlyle held in esgrow - remititur - schaive and a herr cutt - leggo my eggo - whos extorting who - the stuff on sere guy - rach - 123 oclock - happy days - political campaigns - advertising - wpp - pr - elections - burson - altria - winston - thompson - note esp what happened with judgement re tobacco - politics and doj - see how that works - same thing has happened to me - note slugger in the ussen - and rauner kingmaker - mel sembler - seed - addiction frame - chants of trumpence - kurtz is new guy at usccb - wojcicki is at sherriffs - cle wife picks austin as adj gen - hes ierc - ierc - airc onditioning - rett - atl - airborne - sjh - spfldconsulting - shg - shgcoaches - shgfootball - chi mckenna - big shoulders - gregory goes to dc - from atl - alton dio - stl - alton belle - saved by the bell - shs - centaurs - ackermann senterfitt - duane gibson - terry nelson - swift and blessing - kjell bc04 - ilgop - chi chamber - huizenga - servicemaster - franchises - chem - lon - wolfman - cheney - lonewolf frame - mace paolino - garbage - burson - cheney - joliet morning star - rpg gods - stl mi - 10th mi - roth dragoo - ilfopngaoi - gnuteck is right - dirt - mrt - roger stone is nix - jacob engels - bullhorn - ftl - berc - breck girl - perc - security guards - vala - perc - ierc - rice - arroz - war - sleep deprivation - night owls - hair falling out in ftl - urinary tract infection - reineke - wpp - ilgop - h/k - spflconsulting - scb - scso - rico - 1983 - equal protection - due process - 42 usc 241/242 - i was right - there are wrong - they cant admit what they did - what they are doing - they cant stop - the po is upside down on this thing - that fig leaf is going to get smaller - im making it samller - the maga hat means this - make the ag - into ga - reverse the the course of the ag - flip the ag - blow up my case from the inside - like tobacco -  

[themoneybuff-blog]

The Five Things You Need to Achieve Your Financial Goals

Given the enormous differences in the financial situations of different people, its easy to buy into the idea that those different stories have very little in common. After all, what exactly does a well-funded investor making his first millions have in common with a single parent with three kids trying to keep the rent paid? While those differences might be important, when I hear those stories, what I look for are the similarities. Their external situations might be really different, but the things that drive those people internally are actually quite similar. In fact, I would argue that there are really only five things that you need to have to achieve your financial goals, regardless of your financial state. They are things that everyone has access to, should they choose to do so. These five elements are present in virtually every financial success story, whether its someone making minimum wage and trying to pay off a student loan or someone trying to make their first million. Here are the five key ingredients I feel everyone needs to succeed at their financial goals. Of course, these ingredients largely hold true for almost every type of goal. Self-Evaluation This is the starting point for setting and achieving any kind of goal. You have to look at yourself and ask two absolutely vital questions: what do I have and what do I want. What do I have? To set any sort of realistic financial goal, you need to start with a realistic picture of where you are at. What are your assets? What things do you possess that have any value? What are your various account balances? What are your debts? What responsibilities and obligations do you have? Do you have a spouse or children or others that rely on you? What skills do you have? How can you apply those skills to make money? How much spare time do you have? What is your health like? Do you have the energy or capacity to work harder? At the same time, you have to have a firm grip on what you want. What is your goal? When do you want to achieve that goal? Is that goal challenging but still within the realm of reality (for example, I might have some sort of career in basketball, but Im never going to be an NBA player)? Is that goal deeply meaningful to you, or is it something someone else wants for you? You cant run a race if you dont know what your starting point is. You cant win a race if you dont know where the finish line is. So often, people take off running without even knowing where the starting line is or the finish line is and they wonder why they cant finish the race. While you might be able to come up with quick, trite answers to all of these questions, the truth is that all of these questions deserve some serious self-reflection, and those questions will lead to more questions. You need to really understand yourself, what you have, and what you want in order to be able to establish a worthwhile challenging goal for yourself, and thats going to take some self-reflection. There are a lot of different methods that people can use for self-reflection. I find journaling to be very powerful. I constantly turn over questions like these when Im journaling and they consistently move me toward better goals and better understanding of who I am, what I want, what I need, and what I should be doing with my time and energy. Whatever method you choose, I encourage you to set aside some time each day to really think through these questions. What do you have? What does your life situation really look like? What do you want out of life? How does all of that translate into some powerful goals that you can actually achieve that will equate to a better life? Planning Planning takes the output of a bunch of self-reflection and turns it into actionable steps that can take you from what you currently have to what you want to have. In other words, planning addresses the question of how do I get from what I have to what I want. Lets say you did some serious self-evaluation of where youre at and what you want and youve decided that a big healthy financial goal for yourself is to achieve debt freedom in three years. The first question you should ask yourself is what can I do this year that will help me achieve that big goal? Maybe its something as straightforward as paying off a quarter of your debt balance, because if you do that in a year, youre going to find it easier and easier to go faster and faster because interest isnt accumulating. This might include some other big step like getting a new job or moving to a less expensive apartment. Okay, then ask yourself what can I do this quarter that will help me achieve those end of the year goals? You might come up with a list of things here. They might be things oriented toward cutting back on your spending, like cutting your cable subscription. You might set a three month goal of getting your resume up to speed and applying to ten jobs that match you well. Maybe a three month goal is to find a cheaper apartment and move, or to find a roommate. Youll probably have a few you should have at least one for every goal you have for the year. Then, what can I do this month that will help me achieve those quarterly goals? Maybe youll simply make a great resume and get it uploaded in a bunch of places. Maybe youll cut your cable. Maybe youll do a serious search for a roommate. Maybe youll clean out your closet and sell off some of that stuff. Maybe youll give yourself a strong thirty day challenge, like cooking all of your meals at home, that will both directly save you money and help you build a skill going forward that will keep saving you money. Great, so what can you do this week to make those big goals for the month a reality? You might look for alternate ways to watch the two or three shows that youre keeping cable around for. Maybe you can ask a friend to look at your current resume and suggest improvements. Maybe you can ask five friends whether theyd be interested in being roommates. Maybe you can make a real meal plan for the week, get all of the ingredients in one shopping trip, and make all of your meals. That leaves us with one final question: what can you do today to make those week-long goals a reality? Just pick two or three things. Make a meal plan and a grocery list and head to the grocery store. Find your resume and send it to a good friend asking for advice on updating it. Call up a friend and see if theyd be interested in being a roommate. Each day, ask yourself to come up with two or three things that you can do today to make those week-long goals a reality. Then, do them. Make them a priority. Get them done before you flop on the couch to watch Netflix or look at your phone. Each week, do a bigger review. Make sure you finished up (or made good progress on) your plans and goals for the week, and set new ones for the next week. If its the start of the month, do it for the monthly goals. If its the start of a quarter, do it for the quarterly goals. If its the start of a year, do it for the yearly goals. (I do this on Sunday morning, usually.) Thats what planning is all about. Youe got your goal, so what does that break down to? Keep breaking it down until its some short tasks on your to-do list for the day, and then keep coming back to the goal asking yourself whats next. There will come a time with a lot of financial goals where there isnt something active to do, and thats fine, as long as youre not actually letting down your big goals by not doing anything. Thats when some of the other elements below come into play more than ever. Self-Control You have to be able to stop yourself from fulfilling desires, because desires are endless. You will always want something. There will always be a treat that you desire or that you think you deserve. This isnt easy. Our own internal voice makes it difficult. The pressures of society make it difficult. The nudging of our social circle can make it difficult. Yet it can be overcome. I think there are different answers to these problems for everyone, and so I cant always comment on what might work for you when it comes to figuring out self-control over the things you desire. All I can really point to is what worked best for me. First of all, I started evaluating literally everything I spent money on. Did I really need this thing? Was there a lower cost version that would have met that need, if there was a real need involved? If it was just fulfilling a desire, did I really get anything lasting out of that purchase? For many months, I went through every single credit card statement and every single bank statement and every single receipt and asked myself those questions about every single purchase. Every time I ever feel even a little out of whack financially, I go back to this and walk through those statements, asking myself those questions. But these things are so small! I would often think this very thought about a little splurge. Surely a dollar here and a dollar there cant make a difference, right? Its so tiny! Well, a pebble is tiny, too, but you cant expect to walk a marathon with a pebble in your shoe. With every step, the pebble will rub against your feet and eventually you arent making any progress any more. The next thing I did is that I started strongly questioning every desire. Every time I wanted to buy something, I would ask myself why I wanted to buy it. Why? What purpose did it serve? Would I get any lasting enjoyment out of this? Couldnt I get a similar pleasure out of other things I had available? Was this just something I was buying to make myself feel better about something else in my life i.e., retail therapy and wouldnt I be better off just addressing that something directly? What I found is that an awful lot of my desires were justified by the weakest and silliest and flimsiest of reasons, reasons that would fall apart very quickly if I allowed myself to question my reasoning. (Thats important, and Ill come back to it soon enough.) So, if I got into a routine of always questioning the reasoning for a purchase and I was willing to allow myself to recognize the silliness of some of my impulses, the number of non-essential purchases would just drop through the floor. If youre familiar with Buddhism, youll probably recognize this as having a lot in common with the eightfold path. Theyre both driving at the same thing: desires are often the source of a lot of misery in our lives, whether we fulfill them or not. Figuring out that most of our desires are pretty useless nips them in the bud and eventually kills them off entirely. Self-control is a challenging thing and sometimes youre going to fail. What happens then? Grit Grit is the fourth essential ingredient you need to achieve financial goals. Its a willingness to recognize your mistakes and learn from them. Its a willingness to pick yourself up when life knocks you down. Its getting back on board with a plan when something knocks you off of it. The reality is that at some point during your progress toward your financial goal, something is going to happen that knocks you off your gameplan. It can be something completely out of left field, it might be something you should have planned for, it could even be your own foolishness. Whatever it happens to be, it either strongly tempts you or it knocks you completely off your game. Youre no longer cruising right toward your destination. You might feel like that destination is in doubt. You probably feel frustrated. You might feel ashamed. Its awful. Trust me, Ive been there. Many of us have been there. The question is whether or not youre willing to pick yourself up and keep moving forward toward that goal. If youre not willing to do that, then you dont have grit. Youre not going to achieve major goals in life if youre not willing to stand back up when things dont go perfectly. According to the wonderful book Grit by Angela Duckworth, there are four key elements to grit: Step one: Identify a burning passion. Step two: Practice it with commitment. Step three: Find inner purpose in your work. Step four: Persevere when things get hard. If you have a deeply meaningful goal, you have that burning passion and inner purpose. If you have a plan that youre reviewing and working toward daily, you have that commitment. What about perseverance when things are hard? Ive found a couple things that help here. First, automate as much of your plan as you can during the early stages. That way, when things go awry later on, much of your plan will just keep on trucking when your focus is elsewhere. Set up automatic savings plans and automatic contributions to retirement. Second, have an emergency fund that you can tap when things go sideways. My preferred method for this is to set up a weekly automatic transfer from your checking account to your savings account $10 or $20 or whatever you can afford. Then, just let it roll. When an emergency strikes, tap that emergency fund first. Youll find that a lot of emergencies just melt away and dont actually hurt your progress. Finally, think about what went wrong and incorporate what you learn into some revisions to your plan. Why did things get out of whack? That takes you right back to the self-reflection part of the equation. Reflect deeply on what went wrong and what needs to change to ensure that you dont make that mistake again. Youll likely alter your plans, at least a little, and thats a good thing. Theres just one final ingredient. Patience Most personal finance goals are marathons rather than sprints. The goal youre aiming for is years and years down the road and there are times when it seems impossibly far in the distance. Patience is the key to success in those situations. You have to be able to accept that the big success you want wont happen tomorrow or the day after. Rather, it only happens after a long sequence of little successes, many of which will basically be invisible to you in terms of your day to day life. This is very hard for humans. Were genetically predispositioned to not think in the long term. Rather, were short-term thinkers. We think about the day ahead and the week ahead and perhaps the month ahead, but beyond that, it gets kind of nebulous. It becomes this vague sense of the future. Sure, well do things that we know we need to do now because they are necessary for future endeavors, but unless its a really clear direct payoff, most of us will procrastinate or not worry about it. The urgent almost always trumps the important. So, how can you help yourself be patient when it comes to a long-term goal? One good method is to look at the little successes that youre achieving due to marking off those short-term daily and weekly goals. How many days this month did you eat at home? How many of your weekly goals did you knock out? Those are the metrics you should be looking at. Focus on those things and the big goal will become an inevitability. Another strategy is, as suggested earlier, to automate as much of your financial plan as you can. That way, during the long stretches where your patience is being tested, much of your plan is on autopilot and doesnt require any active decision making. A final technique, one that works particularly well for me, is to constantly refresh that long-term vision. On a very regular basis often weekly I think about my long-term goals and what my life will be like when I achieve them. I intentionally dive deep into my goals and try to visualize what some aspect of my life will be like at that point. Ill imagine Sarah and I, slightly older, camping in the Shenandoah National Forest. Ill imagine myself writing a novel somewhere. Ill imagine myself feeding a grandchild a spoonful of baby food. For me, its those details often unique ones that keep the overall goal alive and help me maintain my patience. Final Thoughts Self-evaluation. Planning. Self-control. Grit. Patience. Those are the elements of success no matter what your financial situation might be and no matter what your financial goals might be. If you bring all five of those elements to bear in order to improve your financial state, youll find that your goals move from being impossible pipe dreams to being achievable (though still challenging) ambitions. Good luck! Read more by Trent Hamm: https://www.thesimpledollar.com/the-five-things-you-need-to-achieve-your-financial-goals/