#and because how would i define 'knowing' or 'learning' a word? i might remember it one day and forget it the next

[jerryandersonsdaughterinlaw]

an analysis on how abby growing up without a mom shaped who she is and her perception of femininity:

─────────────────────────

Growing up without a mother meant her understanding of femininity, softness, and nurture came from absence. Without a maternal influence, she didn't have a guiding figure for emotional softness, or a role model for how to navigate vulnerability, especially in relationships. There was no one to show her how to be girly, no mother-daughter traditions, no one to teach her about motherhood. She probably doesn't even know her mother's favorite color or the sound of her laugh.

I don’t think it was something she resented, but it left an emptiness that Abby didn't quite know how to fill. She didn't have the maternal warmth or lessons that could help shape her understanding of her femininity or intimacy. Instead, her father's presence was both comforting and limiting, keeping her grounded but also confining her to a role she took on with no real guidance beyond her own instincts. Jerry did his best, but he wasn't necessarily equipped to teach her how to be delicate or to guide her through a nuanced understanding of herself as a woman.

Her dad was a gentle man, but also a bit carefree, often embarking on spontaneous adventures, leaving Abby to pick up the pieces and keep things running smoothly. She had to be responsible, mature beyond her years, and quickly became someone her father could rely on in ways that were far more profound than the typical parent-child dynamic. Abby had to grow into a caretaker role at a young age, though it came naturally to her, given that she was so deeply tied to her father's wellbeing. She still carried the weight of managing the practicalities of life in a way he didn't always feel compelled to. Because it was just the two of them, Abby's dad became her entire world - her role model, her compass, her constant. She inherited his pragmatism, his quiet humor, his hands-on way of showing love. But being raised by a single father meant Abby had to figure out her emotional world on her own. He was present, and loving, but not always expressive.

✮ This shaped how Abby expresses love: quietly, through action. Through showing up. Through fixing things, carrying the heavy load, remembering how you take your tea. Not because it was taught— but because it's how she learned to care.

Her relationship with femininity is self-defined. Without a maternal influence, Abby had to define her identity as a woman on her own terms. She doesn't perform femininity in conventional ways — and never felt pressured to. There was no one telling her to wear dresses or play with dolls, so she gravitated toward what felt good in her body. Sports. Climbing trees. Strength training.

Now, she finds beauty in the unexpected. She's not traditionally "girly," but she notices the details. She admires curves, softness, the kind of woman who owns her space — not because Abby feels lacking, but because she values what she didn't grow up around. It also makes her protective — of people who move through the world vulnerably, who offer gentleness without armor. She has a quiet reverence for that, like it's sacred. It made her pay close attention to the women around her. It's why she has so much respect for quiet strength, for softness that's chosen and not expected. She notices the small ways women hold space for each other — in friendship, in tenderness, in care — and sometimes finds herself wondering: Would my mom have done that? Would she have held my face in her hands when I cried?

Abby had to figure out a lot on her own, and she learned to keep most of her struggles to herself, fearing that her vulnerability might be too much for others to handle. There are parts of Abby she struggles to articulate because she never had the words growing up. It's why she turns to writing sometimes, and gets quiet when conversations shift too emotional too fast. Her grief isn't loud— it's woven into the fabric of who she is.

And yet, with the right person, she'd slowly find ways to let someone in. To speak about the silence. To share that old photograph. To admit, one night under the stars, "I don't know much about her... but I think you would've liked her. And I think she would've liked you, too."

In a partner, Abby would find someone who could teach her things her father couldn't, someone to balance out her tendencies to be over responsible and always holding things together. Offering Abby a softer, more emotionally open way to be, showing her that it was okay to sometimes not have all the answers, to let go of the burden of always being the one in control. A way for Abby to experience and understand the tenderness she had missed out on from her mother, forcing Abby to confront aspects of herself she had always kept at arm's length. Abby could begin to see herself differently, not just as the strong, reliable one, but as someone worthy of emotional care and tenderness, too once she allows herself to trust someone enough to soften.

[doin-just-fine]

MAJOR UPDATE: Questioning systems or systems in a doubt spiral pls read.

I recently told my therapist about potentially being a system. This was a scary move because she has previously had some iffy takes about systemhood. But I told her because I trusted that she would meet me where I was at and help me navigate , at the least, the general idea of not understanding my own brain if nothing else which I was ok with. I told her and it went as expected. I explained why I thought I might be a system but also the doubts I had about it and how it was distressing me to not understand myself. She agreed to use the language I was using for it and was happy to help me through (as is her job) and also because whether it was systemhood or not it was something in me that was trying to be seen and we would work on figuring out what it was.

Fast forward a few session, and I was going through another bout of "what the fuck even is my brain". I was starting to realize that my "systemhood" is very different from the things I've been seeing online. In the ways that it's different to other systems is: - I'm always in the front, always in the captains chair - I have no amnesia because I never switch out - My hyper-vigilance never lets me dissociate fully though i definitely "check out" in my own way - Head mates just feel like vague ideas or emotions

But the ways that are similar are: - These vague ideas or emotions have opinions and feelings that are different from my own. - Though they are vague, I can definitely tell they are separate from what I have come to understand as "me" - I become "a different person" in the sense of my attitude, vibe, behavior, and opinions change from where they were 5 mins ago, but I am still me, just a different me.

Anyway, I was already trying to make sense of all of this and was not planning on talking about it with my therapist because nervous... However, my therapist ask me about it first. She asked some clarifying questions about my partners system vs my own and how they are different. When I explained what I just wrote above to my therapist she said "Thats what I thought and I owe you an apology."

Basically, my therapist, like any good therapist should when confronted by something they don't know a lot about, had been doing research on complex forms of trauma and coping. Things in the same vain as CPTSD and Plurality including those two topics. She had specifically been reading a book called "The Body Keeps The Score" (TW it is a book about trauma and studies of trauma so it has details of case studies that some people may find incredibly triggering). I did some research on what exactly the book was talking about in regards to "systemhood" and from what I've found, chapter 14 at the end of a section called "Writing to yourself" and the first parts of chapter 17 have interesting information regarding systemhood and how its not entirely limited to things that are diagnosable like DID or OSDD. It seems to talk about how we all have several selves and trauma can get in the way of those selves communicating effectively. My therapist told me about this book and what she learned from it and apologized to me because the book made her realize that she was wrong and that I was in fact a system....

The session ended and I just kind of sat there... not sure how to feel but definitely feeling relief and validation.

After doing research on the book to write this I have some words of wisdom. If you are a questioning system or are doubting your validity remember this: The human brain is so incredibly complex and no one actually understands how it does anything beyond its basic physical functionality... the conceptual abilities of our mind are a mystery. How we define self is just theory. If you don't fit into boxes, labels, identities, or diagnoses that does not mean your experiences aren't real. You are going to be ok. Understand YOUR mind and how it works for YOU, not through a label or diagnosis. If those things come later, great! Do not let them destroy you just because you don’t fit perfectly. I am a system. Simply. No types, labels, or diagnosis. I am a system. I have a unique experience because my brain is no one elses. I am a system. I may not have people in my head in the traditional sense but I'm also not alone up here either. I am a system. I am a system. I am a system. Nobody has the right to deny me this for they do not live behind my eyes.

As I understand myself: I am a system.

[waltzingwithyourenemyattheball]

PICK A CARD: THIS MESSAGE WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE

Left: 111; Right: 333

Disclaimer:

🪈 Take what resonates and leave the rest

🪈 Disclaimer in highlight applies here

🪈 Thank you for letting me read for you, it has been a pleasure

🪈Personal readings are paid only.

🪈No one is allowed to copy my work under any circumstances.

✨111✨

You live life in defined stages, set in their ways, dislike change. Anal personality, structured, to-do lists that must be crossed off and any step out of the system creates irritation. You are doing something you don’t want, to get something you don’t want, simply because you once decided. You are being told to embrace partnership, learning how to dance would help, choose a dance style in which it involves two people going in a rhythm like salsa. This will help with adaptability and flexibility which you really need. Tightness in body will be gone to. You take the road taken while yearning for adventure, you think, but you never act. hesitant energy due to defeated mindset: first the world defeated you and now you defeat you. You need love, you like love, you crave love and affection but darn it if you show this. You crave intimacy. You like to seem tough. You want softness. A go-getter. Someone who says they don’t have time for love and will focus on their career. A free thinker who doesn’t like changes. Theme of  love life: opposites attract like rebel meets high school sweetheart, princess and the frog, forbidden romance. Loyal to a fault. MAIN MESSAGE: Embrace partnerships especially romantic, it will change your life. Don’t rush but embrace, go out on dates, meet people, BE VULNERABLE. Now listen carefully: there is no shame in wanting to be loved, it’s the most human thing to feel. Work on this and many of your problems will vanish, like literally be banned from your life. 

COMMENT ‘111’ To claim this! 🌙DM for a personal tarot reading🌙

✨333✨

*If all this isn’t happening currently, it means you must make it happen* NEW BEGINNINGS. All the conflict and shame is in the past, all the cold wars, all the over analysis, complaining and gossiping, all the plans are out the window. It is a fresh new start. ‘Beautiful’ by NCT might be relevant for you. You have worked hard to save relationships, biting your tounge and all to the deterioration of your own happiness. No more. You are done. You are done in a good way. ALL YOUR focus and all you energy is being invested in changes, changing decor, moving homes, letting go of the stuff in your house that doesn’t bring you joy, a de-clutter. It’s like moving into a new environment where no one has a pre-concieved notion of who you are, so you can begin anew. You can be who you want to be. You are being told to not rush the process, it might already be at a good velocity, learn from your past but not let old experiences get in the way of making new ones. LEAVE THE BAGGAGE. CUT CORDS. It seems like you are moving away from family and siblings for some of you. A year from now, it’s a different story, a good one. CHANNELED PHRASES: new home, relief, reminiscing past as simply past with no negativity. You are a hard worker and it will be rewarded and I know you are tired of hearing the word patient, but you will be rewarded soon. Fight for your place in the world, don’t let people walk over you. Remember Energy flows where attention goes, if you constantly keep replaying the past in your head like a cassette and its like asking ‘Why won’t the music stop when I hit replay’, its because you are replaying it, and harbouring resentment. LEARN TO FIGHT BACK. Don’t show the other cheek, and make do. Make the best of the situation but that doesn’t mean you let go of your rights, please communicate your desires and work towards it, instead of running away from conflict.   COMMENT ‘333’ To claim this! 🌙DM for a personal tarot reading🌙

-

EL TAROT

[dawnbeast]

...sooo yeah, I've seen a lot of posts about "tiktok therians" and also younger therians in general and I might as well get my two cents about it out here.

Short version: leave them alone; if they bother you that much then block them and move on instead of wasting your energy

Long version: Loud sigh... I feel like I might get some hate for this, but I might as well get it off my chest sooner or later.

Look, I get it, people are frustrated with how things are being watered down, but please think before you cause needless damage. What if, instead of your teacher correcting your answers on a quiz or test, they just insulted you, ignored you, and kicked you out of class? Not only would you not learn anything, but you'd probably end up disliking the teacher, if not developing a dislike for the subject they taught as a whole (as younger crowds tend to do). I've seen this happen in LGBT+ spaces and it saddens me to see it here, too.

Doesn't anyone else remember what it's like to be a teenager, exploring your identity, exploring concepts of the world in general, learning things, growing and maturing as a person? People get stuff wrong and misuse terms ALL. THE. TIME. Especially when young! That doesn't mean that some of them policing terms and identities is okay, of course; I don't blame anyone for taking a stand when it comes to that.

It's important to ensure that misinformation doesn't spread, of course. And that isn't done with gatekeeping and rage; it's done with compassion and patience. Not everyone is built for that sort of thing, of course; I'm not saying everyone out there needs to have the patience of a saint to correct people when they get certain alterhuman-related concepts or terms incorrect. Just know that being a bully on any level, no matter the excuse, will cause more harm than good.

"But it's the only way they'll learn!" No. Those are the words of someone who is letting their frustration and anger guide their actions. Maybe some people will need that kind of kick in the rear, but that should never, ever, ever be the action of choice. To be fair, I might be biased in this regard; my abusive guardian used that excuse all the time to make me do things because she didn't fully understand how my neurodivergence affected me. As a result, every time I see/hear anything similar to that, I'm strongly against it because it only reminds me of the bullying I endured.

Those who have been in this space for a while need to be welcoming to newcomers, willing to point to resources on some level, but still be firm in their boundaries in case someone decides to start trouble. Gatekeeping is not the answer and will never be the answer; the only thing it does is make the whole community look bad while ultimately causing damage. Of course, if you don't have the spoons to deal with any of this, then just block and move on. don't waste your energy on something you know isn't going to do you any good.

Those who are new to the space NEED to do their research from older, more established sources instead of only defining things in a way that they prefer. Things are going to exist in ways that don't make you the most comfortable, but you have the tools to keep that out of your space and you should absolutely make use of them.

I think everyone needs a reminder here that You are in charge of you. If something upsets you, it's your responsibility to block the appropriate people, set up the appropriate filters, whatever you need to do to make your space safe. If you claim an identity, you should at the very least know what it means and refrain from trying to needlessly police it.

And, I say this as a sex-repulsed asexual: sexual things are going to exist in every single space, be it an identity, fandom, hobby, whatever. It's not inherently bad, but it's certainly okay to not like it and it certainly shouldn't be aimed at minors. Set up your filters, block as needed, and move on. (And if you're the one posting NSFW stuff, tag it or otherwise mark it appropriately.)

If you're coming to tumblr from Tiktok, welcome! I hope you can find a safe space here. If you're a minor, please remember to practice basic internet safety. Don't share your age or location, don't show your face (masks are great for this!), be careful who you talk to, etc.

Please, don't fight each other. Educate each other and stand together. The world is a scary place; we don't need to add more bickering where it could be avoided. And we certainly don't want to alienate people who don't need to be.

(Obligatory disclaimer because this is the internet: please remember to use common sense and critical thinking; I'm not going to tolerate any logical fallacies. I don't have the patience for that.)

[gotstabbedbyapen]

Hyacinthus Iceberg Meme EXPLAIN (P5)

Part 1 ✿ Part 2 ✿ Part 3 ✿ Part 4 ✿ Part 5

It's time for me to answer your questions about this Hyacinthus iceberg meme. There is a lot to tackle, so I'll divide it into 5 parts for the sake of my sanity.

Quick disclaimer: I am NOT an expert in Greek mythology, just a fan of Hyacinthus who wants to learn about him and anyone related to him. Most of the things I'm about to discuss are just theories and speculations of a passerby on the Internet, so do not take them as valid facts!

Bonus disclaimer: We are now entering the "just a theory" section of the iceberg. While the previous parts have myths and essays to back them up, most of the sections here are theories I made up (or shared with other scholars) and might not always be supported by literature texts.

What is the meaning of Hyacinthus' name?

We know is that "Hyacinthus" is a very old name, because the "-nth" suffix indicates its pre-Hellenic origin, or at least that's what Bernard C. Dietrich's "The Origins of Greek Religion" said (cited on Wikipedia). I haven't found a free PDF version of this book yet so I can't verify myself, but if any of you can, I would really appreciate your input!

Because "Hyacinthus" is very ancient, I have two questions: what is the meaning of this name and or what word/root did it derive from?

According theo Theoi.com, Hyacinthus' name was translated to "Larkspur flower" (as seen below)

However, I suspect this translation was coined much later when the god Hyacinthus had been watered down to a mortal, and the name meaning had been morphed and might not hold true for the ancient Hyacinthus. Or the ancient Hyacinthus name did mean "larkspur" and the myth was written to explain why this god share the same name as the flower.

Who knows!

Hyacinthus is the aboriginal god of Amyclae

This is just me doing some Olympic-level mental gymnastics. I can't remember where or if I've read this theory in any other research before, so you gotta endure my mindless rambling in this part.

With the many evidence indicating Hyacinthus was a pre-Hellenic god with a defined role and worship in Amyclae (Sparta), can he also be the very first god in this land? Here's how I think it's plausible:

According to Pausanias' Description of Greece, in Lacedaemonian traditions, Hyacinthus is a direct descendant of Lelex, the in-myth aboriginal king of Laconia. So what if this is a case of people from the same family line being conflated with each other? It seemed to happen with Polyboea and her great-granddaughter Phylonoe, who were often identified with one another (although this one is still questionable as I haven't found any academic articles).

And there you have it. Hyacinthus and Lelex. There could be a slim chance.

Why was Hyacinthus watered down into a mortal???

Hyacinthus was once a chthonic vegetation god worshipped in Amyclae, so why was he watered down into a mortal (or at best, a demigod) in the now-known myth? Was it because when Apollo's cult came along he was turned into a mortal and killed off to "make room" for the new god? But even then, Hyacinthus was still brought back and worshipped with Apollo as a duo, so why all the changes?

And this is not just a strange transition for Hyacinthus. Ariadne was also an ancient Great Goddess of Crete (even with the super cool epithet "Mistress of the Labyrinth") now became a princess. I wonder if the other mortal heroes, especially the ones that was made immortal later, had the same treatment as well.

Hyacinthus and Apollo are "married"

The word "married" should be put in triple quotation marks because Apollo and Hyacinthus weren't actually married like a gay couple would in the 21st century. What I mean is they are "married" in the sense of sharing a shrine together and are worshipped as a duo. Zeus and Hera, a famous married deity couple, shared a lot of shrines together.

So now we have the Apollo - Hyakinthos cult. Hyacinthus once had a wife (who could be Polyboea, as seen in the next section), but she was replaced by Apollo. What's interesting is that Apollo became Hyacinthus' shrine spouse instead of replacing him, resulting in a male-male duo, rather than the typical male-female duo, with seemingly equal respect. Some would argue they were one and the same.

As to why this happens to Apollo and Hyacinthus, I haven't found articles discussing it yet. I will try though!

Polyboea is either Hyacinthus' OG wife or daughter

I suspect the OG shrine spouse of Hyacinthus - before Apollo's worship came to Amyclae - was Polyboea.

Brother-sister sibling duos in Greek mythology are often depicted as husband and wife, e.g. Kronos-Rhea, Zeus-Hera, and even Apollo-Artemis were derived from a married couple before they became twins. Because Polyboea and Hyacinthus are siblings, were depicted to be carried to the Heavens together, and possibly worshipped in the same shrine and festival (the Hyacinthia), they could have been an ancient deity couple in Amyclae.

Are there any basis on this? Well, the website Occult World cited that "The Golden Bough" by James George Frazer was the one suggested this theory, and I'm still looking for a free PDF to fact-check it (yes, I'm a cheap one looking for free stuff)

I've mentioned the theory of Polyboea being Hyacinthus' daughter in part 4, that is was suggested in the book "Cults of Apollo at Sparta" by Michael Pettersson:

Basically, Hyacinthus the prince and Hyacinthus the father of the Hyacinthides (in part 4) could be conflated with one another, and therefore, the scene of Hyacinthus and Polyboea on the altar relief was depicting a father sacrificing his daughter. But there is also another interpretation in this book: Polyboea, the daughter, is going through a ritual where she went from a maiden to a woman.

The Hyacinthia was also seen as an initiation rite by ancient Spartan, where young boys and girls who attended the festival will leave it as official adults. The boys will become men ready to join the military and the girls will become women ready to enter marriage.

Furthermore, the presence of Demeter - Kore/Persephone - Hades trio and Artemis - Athena - Aphrodite trio might serve as allegories. We know, from part 4, that the former trio was connected to the Hyacinthia because Persephone's abduction myth symbolize the girl-to-woman the transition.

But what about the latter? Well, according to Pettersson:

Yeah, the virgin goddesses Artemis and Athena represent Polyboea's maidenhood stage and Aphrodite, goddess of love and fertility, is her entering the married life of womanhood.

As from the allegories from the gods, along with the preparation for a sacrificed maiden and a soon-to-be-wedded bride being similar, Polyboea's role as the "sacrificed daughter" and the "maiden becoming woman" could go hand in hand.

Of course, the explanation is more complicated than what I just presented, so I really recommend you guys to check out the book itself for a full view!

Who is Hyacinthus before Apollo?

Let's be real, we (admittedly, myself included) know Hyacinthus first as a lover of Apollo, and second as his own person. When we read the myth, it mostly focus on Apollo's conquest and grief, not much about the prince himself.

So it begs the question: who is Hyacinthus before Apollo?

Is he a local god the Amycleans worshipped before the arrival of Apollo's cult?

Is he a real life man with such great deeds that he was deified in the eyes of his people?

What other heroic achievements did he make?

Was he ever known by a different name?

Has he always been Hyacinthus or is this just the final form he took after millennia of changes?

We cannot know for sure, and we probably never will.

In fact, this final part of the explanation series isn't to be answered, but be used as a prompt for future studying of this prince and god of Sparta. As you can see from my iceberg meme and explain series, there is actually a lot more about Hyacinthus than meets the eye. His historical impacts, worship evolution, mythology roles, etc. aren't as well-documented as other characters, so he can be quite obscure or not analyzed as much by the general audience. He was more than just a lover who died.

This is one of the reasons why I love Hyacinthus, studying him is both a thrill and a pain because there is so much and so little to obtain. And I hope my silly brain rot over him will inspire you to learn just a bit more about my favorite Spartan prince.

THE END

[mad-hatter-memes]

Texts From Last Night Starters

A collection of dialogue prompts from the website textsfromlastnight. Feel free to edit quotes as necessary.

TW: Swearing, suggestive references, drug references, alcohol references.

"I just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "Dibs!"

I got kicked out of Barnes and Noble cause I put all the bibles in the fiction section"

"Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours…"

"What's a positive sounding word for "exploit"?

"I'm sorry...where I come from, learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage."

"I hate sounding clingy, but I just wanted to verify I wasn't an asshole in your mind"

"I don't know man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito."

"Don't worry about my dad. He just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking."

"Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved."

"Halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids?"

"How dare you. I don't know what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back."

"I know, visiting a hospital when you're drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time."

"Swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph"

"I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that."

"Why is there a porcupine in the kitchen?"

"Either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays"

"If you all get arrested I'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail."

"How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?"

"You left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. I see where your priorities are."

"Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship."

Who the hell tries to steal eggnog?"

"You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home KFC."

"If u were an X-Man, what would your power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs."

"I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast"

"Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out."

"If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure."

"Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?"

"I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels."

"Who is John, and why is his name carved into our toilet?"

"Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed."

"I might as well just sew it shut at this point."

"So did the night end well for you?"

"I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body"

"So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please."

"There is no way when we get home that nothing will happen."

"Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?"

"You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits."

"I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up"

"She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!"

"I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure."

"You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation."

"Ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. Please send help."

"Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you."

"This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?"

"Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine…but I'm saving that for a special girl…"

"Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?"

That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off."

"All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world."

"Where else am I to apply my creativity?"

"Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"

"You and I have very different definitions of fun."

"I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice."

"Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?"

[hlficlibrary]

HL Fic Library 😎🤓 Popular Louis/Nerd Harry Fics

Remember to leave kudos and a comment on the fics you enjoyed to show your appreciation! You can find the library's other recs here.

😎 This Offer Stands Forever  by Tomlinsontoes / @pianolouis {M, 78k}

Harry is who high school kids would define as a nerd, he loved going to class and studying, he was just good at school work and saw nothing wrong with liking it. He signs up to tutor students at the middle school down the road where he ends up helping Lottie Tomlinson, younger sister to the ever popular and gorgeous Louis Tomlinson who is also a senior and in a few classes of Harry's. Harry might have a crush on him and not so sure how to act around Louis but hopes he can get close to the other boy and learn everything about him.

🤓 Want You More Than A by TheCellarDoor / @donotdialnine {M, 77k}

Falling in love with your step-brother’s best friend is a disaster enough. When he happens to be the boy everyone loves and you’re a nerd who wears sweater vests and cries during rom-coms, it takes it to a whole new level.

😎 I hear you calling in the dead of night by Thelonelycoast {M, 72k}

No one really notices Marcel Styles. In fact, Marcel’s so invisible that if his teachers don’t call on him in lessons - and they rarely do - Marcel can go whole days without speaking to anyone other than his mum, his sister, Gemma, his cat, Dusty and the school librarian, Alma. And if he just so happens to have a tiny, miniscule crush on the footie captain, Louis Tomlinson, well, that’s no one’s business but his own. Until Louis notices him back...

🤓 Webs of lies by Hazzaslittle28 {E, 35k}

"Truth or Dare?" The question was delivered with a nasty smirk from Drake's side,

"Who do you think I am? Of course Dare." Louis scoffs before leaning back and adjusting his skirt,

"Very well than. Your dare is to play Styles for two months until the dance." Louis frowns at the odd dare,

"Why would you- you know what? Okay I accept it. Louis Tomlinson never looses a dare." He smirks sultrily before plucking the cigarette from Drake's mouth and taking a drag out of it.

"Let's see then."

Or The au in which The popular is given a dare to date the nerd, hearts will be broken, words will loose their meaning and tears would be shed.

😎 The Library Universe (series) by @allwaswell16 {E, 33k}

Harry Styles has a great life. He’s a children’s librarian at the New York Public Library, he’s got wonderful friends, and he loves cooking, green tea, yoga, and his collection of bow ties. He doesn’t mind that his life seems a little structured, maybe even a little boring. But when Louis Tomlinson joins the library staff as the new Installation Coordinator, things become a lot less predictable. Louis gets under his skin right from the start, bossing Harry around, making noise during story time, and eating the last cupcake in the staff lounge. Louis may be almost offensively attractive, but Harry will not be succumbing to Louis Tomlinson’s charms, even if the rest of the library staff have.

🤓 Supposed to Be by kikikryslee / @flamboyantommo {M, 26k}

“I’m making a movie for a film competition, and I want you to be in it,” Harry told Louis. “I think you would be a great leading actor in it.” “Why?” “Because it’s you. I mean, who wouldn’t want to know all about the amazing Louis Tomlinson? It would be a great movie.” “You don’t have some weird crush or, like, secret obsession with me, do you?” Louis asked. Harry bit his tongue so he didn’t say “Ew, I have standards.” He didn’t think that would go over well. Of course, that was assuming Louis understood what that meant.

Or, the Geek Charming AU where Harry's a film geek, Louis' a popular jock, and they both need each other to get what they want.

😎 He Was a Different League (When I Was Nothing Much) by @afangirlfantasy {NR, 21k}

Sick of being alone, Marcel is forced (by Niall) to join an online dating app. The idea is well and all, except for the inconvenient fact that he hasn’t moved on from his childhood sweetheart - Louis. If only Marcel could learn to let go, he might actually be able to love again.

Or, an AU where finding that 'someone new' actually leads to finding that 'someone old,' and Marcel is painfully oblivious.

🤓 taken by lust’s strange inhumanity by CuckooTrooke / @larrydoinglaundry {E, 20k}

One of the reasons Harry said 'yes' in the first place was because he believed Louis Tomlinson, the campus’ most notorious “bad boy”, would be here.

And much to Harry's triumph and dismay, Louis is here but the last time Harry got a glimpse of him, he had a pretty omega wrapped around him, clinging onto the flaps of his leather jacket while nosing his scent glands.

Maybe that’s just the story of Harry's life; always infatuated with the wrong people.

OR The one with all the jealous snarling, awkward first kisses and one unforgettable night.

😎 Won't Keep You My (Dirty Little) Secret by @lovelykits {E, 16k}

“I got asked out today,” Louis comments. “Okay,” Harry shifts. “Did you hear me? I said I got asked out.” "You always get asked out.” “Yeah well this time they didn’t believe I had a boyfriend!”

Or Louis and Harry have been together since the end of last year and somehow no one knows about it.

🤓 Kings by dolce_piccante / @haydolce {T, 13k}

Marcel receives an invitation to his ten year high school reunion, which brings up some painful memories of his youth. His lifelong best friend and roommate, Louis, is as supportive and kind as ever, but Marcel still has hesitations. Louis was Prom King. Marcel...was not.

Will Marcel make the reunion a night to remember with his former classmate, Zayn, who is newly wealthy, handsome, and reveals his childhood crush on Marcel? Or will Louis finally realize what everyone else has known all along?

😎 blinded me with sweater vests by veterization {T, 13k}

Marcel really is the geekiest person Louis has ever seen with that gelled hair and that horrendous sweater vest, so it sucks that Louis really, really wants to get to know him.

🤓 A Real Work of Art by @lululawrence {NR, 11k}

“I don’t understand,” Liam said for probably the fiftieth time in ten minutes. “You have to explain again how this is a bad thing.”

��Leeeeyummm,” Harry whined into the phone as he leaned his head onto his desk. “I felt like this year was my year for getting his attention, you know? That senior year I would finally get Logan Thompson to realize I exist! But he’s in almost every single one of my classes, Li. How am I supposed to survive that?”

“Easily,” Liam answered, with the same matter of fact tone his voice always took when Harry was in one of his fits. “He doesn’t know you exist, so it shouldn’t be a problem. Right?”

Or the one where Harry calls on an old friend, the super popular Louis Tomlinson, to help him change his look to capture the heart of Logan. Things only mostly go as planned.

😎 your heart is glowing (and i'm crashing into you) by orphan_account {T, 11k}

If this were a fairytale, maybe even a Young Adult novel or a chick flick, this would be the moment where Louis would stare right into his soul and whisper, “You. It’s you, Harry,” before pulling him in for a kiss right there and then in the middle of the sidewalk. They’d confess their never-ending love for each other then hold hands for the rest of the walk home, and then they’d go to uni together and become the ultimate power couple of their campus. They’d start a family together a few years after they graduate, find a large house somewhere nice and preferably warm, get two pet dogs and five cats, and then adopt enough children to start a football team. If only men could get pregnant as well, Harry thinks wistfully. He’d love to carry Louis’ babies given the chance.

But. This isn’t a fairytale, nor is it a movie based off the latest YA bestseller. This is real life.

(harry is in love with love, volunteers to hand out valentine gifts for a week, and somehow becomes the football captain's secret admirer.)

🤓 I could give you what you deserve. by larryaresoulmates {E, 8k}

Louis is popular, Harry is his super nerdy tutor. Louis is the only one who's actually nice to Harry despite his nerdiness. Harry has a giant crush on Louis, but Louis has a boyfriend, who bullies Harry behind Louis' back.

😎 Convalescent Boy (with a Heart of Gold) by LadyLondonderry / @londonfoginacup {T, 7k}

Just as the professor beginning to mess with his powerpoint, the door at the back of the balcony creaks open and Marcel looks back to notice Louis Tomlinson, The Louis Tomlinson, slip in and take a seat in the very back.

Marcel is starting to feel like his life is a comedy. Only yesterday was Louis Tomlinson on his floor at the library. Now he’s in his seminar. What is happening?

“Hey Mars,” Nick says, not particularly quietly as he leans over. “Isn’t that your crush?”

Marcel smacks him.

Or, the one where Marcel is a nerd who loves to learn but loves to go to theatre productions even more, and may or may not have a long time crush on the lead in most of the plays, Louis Tomlinson. The same Louis Tomlinson who seems to be appearing wherever Marcel is. Funny, that.

🤓 Seems You Cannot Be Replaced by QuickedWeen / @becomeawendybird {M, 5k}

Harry and the popular boy in school, Louis Tomlinson, share a tension-filled night together when they're young. Fifteen years later they see each other again.

😎 it's kinda hot in here by ballsdeepinjesus {E, 3k}

“Is that a moth on your stomach?”

or nerdy harry is hiding some stuff under his dorky clothes and louis fucks him in a locker room

🤓 Lucky by @friendofhayley {E, 4k}

When Harry had moved from London to New Jersey he had been prepared for bad spray tans and Regina George. He hadn't been prepared to meet the best thing to ever happen to him.

If only he hadn't worn an ugly brown vest covered in cat pee when he met him.

😎 No Matter What They Say by ivorydreams {M, 3k}

It's not that Harry and Louis are hiding the fact that they're in a relationship. It's not them being ashamed of each other.

People just never noticed.

Or the one where no one knows Harry Styles, the 'nerd', and Louis Tomlinson, 'mr. popular football captain', are in a romantic relationship.

🤓 ❤ For Effort by @fallinglikethis {G, 2k}

When Harry Styles lets his team down during gym class, resulting everyone having to run laps, he expects the worst. But the backlash never comes.

Harry's crush, Louis Tomlinson, may or may not have something to do with that.

[snowblack-charcoalwhite]

I just want to know what Ewan meant by Aemond being gray this season as opposed to being completely black last season (which he wasn't). Aemond's "different shades" so far have only been shades we've already seen in s1, he actually had more emotions after Luke's death than he did in s2 and we saw glimpses of his vulnerability in ep9. He even felt grief for Viserys of all people (confirmed by the script). Was Ewan really talking about the two brief brothel scenes that took less than two minutes of screentime? And if Aemond does banish his mother.... That's something I can see the showrunners doing because women must always suffer from evil men, but that's so cartoonish at this point, I can't take it seriously. They can't have Alicent leaving her daughter but they have to remove her from Kings landing before the fall because god forbid show Alicent would defend the city like her book counterpart... This is insane. Why does everyone get new storylines and Emond just becomes a scapegoat for the showrunners who have to take the blame so everyone else gets whitewashed, but he can't even get proper time for his villainy? They're only turning into a boring villain. But I'm just really confused why would Ewan say that one of Aemond's motivations is to make his mother happy (in his mind) if he treats her like that? And that Aemond remembers Driftmark and how she was the only one who stood by him. Or this is another lie from Ewan just like "Aemond's redeeming quality is his loyalty"? I don't like it when the cast is setting the expectations only to subvert it on screen.

Hello!

Right, I (just like pretty much everyone in the fandom, I believe) noticed the discrepancies between the things Ewan said in the interviews and what we have (or haven't) seen on screen. To be fair, it concerns other actors as well (like Tom stating multiple times that Aegon and Aemond love each other no matter what and talking about Aegon's growing respect for Helaena, Fabien mentioning "he wants what she wants" thing about Criston and Alicent, Steve painting Corlys and Rhaenys' marriage in a better light that it actually looks in the show) with Aemond/Ewan situation merely being the most glaring example. And the reason it is the most glaring example is that Aemond IMO got the clumsiest and most meaningless character butchering of them all.

As for the reasons the actors (Ewan among them) keep misleading the viewers, there are several possibilities (that can - and IMO do - coexist):

While I don't think HotD cast are merely parroting the words put in their mouths by HBO team, the latter definitely give them some instructions with regards to the way they are supposed to talk about their characters and the things they need to/can't say. So, in some cases, the actors basically have to deceive the audience.

For some time now I've had an impression that the actors don't have full information on which scenes actually make it to the final version and which get cut before they see the show (once again remembering Matt Smith not knowing about "Daemon fighting Crabfeeder and his army" scene being a silent one for his character). And even if they are actually told beforehand which scenes are included in the show, I think that actors' perception of their characters are influenced by every scene they filmed (and even by some they didn't - but that's point number 3). So, during the promo the cast might take into account some scenes or plot points that we, the viewers, might never even learn about.

Each actor has their own view and opinion on their character - and this view is based not only on the script but on their own thoughts and even headcanons. I believe that is the case for the brotherly love (albeit a "weird" one) that Aegon and Aemond feel for each other according to Tom (by the way, he also mentioned the readiness for backstabbing between them being a mutual thing - define backstabbing) or for Aemond having some kind of love for and loyalty to his brother according to Ewan (define loyalty). In part this also might go for the "coloring" assigned to Aemond by Ewan.

There could be one more adjacent reason - and the saddest one: Ewan is not happy with the way Aemond's story is being told in the show (it could be noticed during several moments in the promo) and was trying his best to make the audience see the Aemond that he sees. And, well, I can't speak for other people (either fans or casual viewers) but I personally don't have it in me to judge him (or any other HotD actor doing the same thing) for it - even though, just like you, I'm not fond of being misled. Imagine giving so much thought, time, energy and love to a character, having high hopes for his development - only to be given... this. Combine it with the point number 1 (at best actors are not allowed to reveal much of what's actually going on with their characters during the promo, at worst they are told to tell lies or half-truths) and the fact that Ewan has very little experience in the 'doing promo' department - and we might just get what we, in fact, got.

[paradoxcase]

The Traitor Baru Cormorant, Chapter 8

I guess she means she is being identified as an agent of the Masquerade, and not just as a foreigner? I kind of wonder where they would ordinarily expect someone who looks like Baru to be from, or what they would expect her to be doing there, considering that she was clearly brought there by Tain Hu and isn't like, a tourist or something. She mentions that they are worried about her "hunting social sin", but seems to take their behavior as evidence of financial crimes instead, which doesn't quite work. Like, are they afraid that she is here to cart them off to the Cold Cellar for conversion therapy but since that's actually irrelevant to her purpose here is that not indicative of anything that interests her, or does she think they are betraying their guilt in the counterfeiting scheme? I don't think both of those things can be true

I wouldn't have remembered that name without the Nook app's search function, so good that it was spelled out more plainly later on

Is Oathsfire her westerly neighbor? I don't think so. Look:

It's to the right of her on the map, that usually means east. At first I wondered if the map was actually upside down to how we normally see maps, and maybe up is south, maybe we are in the southern hemisphere, which doesn't fit with my memory of how this world is laid out, but maybe? But no:

South is definitely down on the map. Then I thought, maybe the planet spins the other direction and the sun rises on the other side, and they reversed east and west because east is better defined as "the direction the sun rises from" or something, but no, on the right-hand side of the map we have this:

The right-hand side of the map is definitely east, this just seems like an error

It seems kind of strange to me that the language she is literate in is Iolynic, rather than Aphalone. Like, she already had to learn Aphalone as a second language, probably from someone Masquerade-related, it seems kind of unlikely that they would have specifically avoided teaching her how to read and write it, and all the people she would need to have written communications with probably also speak Aphalone and may not want to do business in another language, and it seems to be sort of a court language here. Iolynic was described as a creole earlier, if it actually is a creole, it seems unlikely to have an dedicated writing system, unless it is just using a writing system originally used to write Urun or Stakhi? But then she would be literate in another language, as well. And it can't be a completely different writing system from the one that Aphalone uses, because Baru can still read the numbers. And if it is the same writing system that Aphalone uses, why is she not literate in Aphalone?

She definitely knows the writing system if she can read the names. These seem maybe Iolynic? Not a lot of names ending in obstruents, so maybe Sentiamut is Stakhi, in fact I seem to recall that the Sentiamut woman from earlier was described as Stakhi

I mean, if you own land, you're not really a feudal serf anymore, and there isn't actually anything preventing you from becoming a landlord if you want to be one. Like, the class system that Aurdwynn is modeled after was basically divided into the "has land" class and the "doesn't have land" class to the best of my understanding. If the land that you own is shitty, you're just a weak feudal lord instead of a strong one

I think this is supposed to be like, hints that she is into her or that we are supposed to think they have some chemistry? I don't know, I might be too ace for these these little references that come up from time to time. But I don't feel like they really have chemistry. Tain Hu keeps trying to talk to her about the merits of rebellion and the ways in which the Masquerade is shitty and she just stolidly refuses to engage with anything

I'm guessing the book wants this to mean "bigamist" or something, but like, "bigamy" already exists as a word, I don't think they had to adapt one that as far as I'm aware has never been used for this context

I mean, it seems like all of these groups have been intermarrying for a long time now and the Masquerade would be hard put to sort them into three distinct and non-overlapping categories like that

I'm curious what makes Tain Hu think that Baru has any interest in ruling? Like, we know that's her goal. But with Tain Hu she's been consistently sticking to the "I'm just an accountant, I just want to keep accounts" story

Kind of curious about what kind of new thing Tain Hu wants to build after her rebellion?

It seemed clear that Xate Olake was probably involved in all of this, but this feels kind of too neat and simple to me. Also, we are only 1/4 of the way through the book, still. I guess we're meant to understand that Xate Yawa is in on this, or covering it up, or something? Or at least, Baru is meant to understand that, anyway. This book has sort of been promising that clever things will happen, but I don't think anything really clever has happened yet. Hopefully there is more to this

She says she has two things she wants to know here, but then she only asks how the counterfeiting was accomplished. What was the other thing she wanted to know?

[akindofmagictoo]

DRAGONSONG: draft 2 update: 22/11

previous word count: 117,775

current word count: 120,775 (3000 added)

notes: it's been a While! life happened. i am back tho! big writing day too :) lots of plot got resolved, and Isi is an icon as always. also shoutout to Cole, whose defining character trait is Love Wife.

snippet: (a long one, because this might be Isi's single most iconic scene in the book)

Isi held out her hand and said simply, “The barrier spell is down. The dragons are back.” He stared at her like she was speaking another language. After a moment, his expression of confusion faded into contempt. “Change is coming, whether you like it or not, but you can change with it. You can protect your people,” Isi continued. “All of them.” “You don’t know what you’ve done,” he said, straightening up. The right thing, Isi thought, and felt only a cool rush of confidence. Finally, she believed it. She had done the right thing. “Your duty was to kill dragons. Instead you set them free, and they will bring only ruin to this land.” Isi sighed. It was such a vague excuse. “And why is that?” “They hoard wealth,” he said, as though it was obvious. “They hoard wealth for themselves without sharing, and when they roamed freely everyone lived in fear of them.” That didn’t sound like the dragons Isi knew. In fact, it sounded more like the weaselly little man in front of her than anything else. She drew her sword. “You say my duty is to kill those who hoard wealth, and of whom people live in fear.” She did not raise her voice; she did not need to. The words echoed through the room. “Very well, your majesty. I am more than capable. But I will offer you a different choice. Throw down your crown and hand yourself over to me.” She had told no lies. She could kill him if she wanted to; she had killed his son, and many of his knights. A lump of shame rose in her throat. She swallowed it. She did not want to kill him, but this conversation would end with him leaving his throne. How he left was up to him. The king straightened up to his full height. It was not all that impressive. “I can’t leave. The kingdom will fall apart in weeks. Who else is worthy of this crown? You?” “I am no queen,” said Isi quietly. She had never had to run a country, and she did not want to. But there were others who would be willing to learn, who would do it from a place of love, and not a selfish desire for power. “Listen to me, your majesty. You can come with me to await trial, or I can do as you suggest, and kill you where you stand.” She had no idea how such a trial might work out, or how well the outcome would balance justice and mercy. But too many people were hurting under his rule to let him stay. “If you value your life, hand over your crown.” “You are a knight!” he spluttered. “You’re to slay dragons, not to work with them. Not help them.” Isi just stared at him, remembering the soft rustle of her surcoat falling to the floor. “No, your majesty. I am no knight. I am a woman who seeks to do the right thing, to bring peace. And sometimes that involves removing tyrants.” She took a breath. “Like the one in front of me.” Anger and confusion warred on the king’s face as he processed Isi’s words. Isi met his gaze unflinchingly. She was not scared of him, and never would be again. She would not back down.

TAGLIST

@isherwoodj @metanoiamorii @lilmissravingwriter @weekofwednesdays @the-unwrittenwriter

@talesofsorrowandofruin @little-boats-on-a-lake @teriwrites @magicalwriting @magic-is-something-we-create

@writingbyjillian @waysofink @perditism @thehellinsideyourhead @calicowrites

@vellichor-virgo @google-plexed @therecouldbecolorsandlove @the-orangeauthor @ellatholmes

@happyorogeny @ladywithalamp @ashen-crest @authortango @strangerays

@moononherwings @nikkywrites @ambersky0319 @ambsthom @talesfromgringolandia

@wickerring @wizardfromthesea @diphthongsfordays @e-lisard @enchanted-lightning-aes

@emscribblings @teardropsandtherain @lowslore @fablewritten @copper-dragon-in-disguise

@reneesbooks @dirtybarkshark

[eirinstiva]

“Jolly creatures, small girls, Jeeves”

Good day everybody! Last night I received the second part of "Bertie Changes His Mind" from Jeeves and I laughed so hard that I had to take some hours to write a post.

“Jolly creatures, small girls, Jeeves,” he remarked, after a pause. “Extremely so, sir.” “Of course, I can imagine some fellows finding them a bit exhausting in⁠—er⁠—” “En masse, sir?” “That’s the word. A bit exhausting en masse.”

Girls schools can be very noisy but there are less chances of being pushed by a student than in co-ed and more less than in all-boys. Trust me, I'm a scientist (?) And Jeeves knows that.

“I’d no idea small girls were such demons.” “More deadly than the male, sir.”

Yep, that's true.

“We love it when there are lectures. We sit and stare at the poor dears, and try to make them dry up. There was a man last term who got hiccups. Oh, do you think Mr. Wooster will get hiccups?” “We can but hope for the best, miss.” “It would be such a lark, wouldn’t it?” “Highly enjoyable, miss.”

Bertie, dear~ you don't know what is waiting for you! At least the girls are sitting so they look smaller and less intimidating.

The car is not working (well, it does, but Bertie doesn't know) so Wooster can't escape. Jeeves, you are a brilliant mastermind.

I’m fond of Mr. Wooster, and I admit I came very near to melting as I looked at his face. He was staring at me in a sort of dumb despair that would have touched anybody.

Aww~ Jeeves is fond of Wooster! that doesn't make your plan less naughty.

Mr. Wooster is a young gentleman with practically every desirable quality except one. I do not mean brains, for in an employer brains are not desirable. The quality to which I allude is hard to define, but perhaps I might call it the gift of dealing with the Unusual Situation. In the presence of the Unusual, Mr. Wooster is too prone to smile weakly and allow his eyes to protrude. He lacks Presence. 

I need to learn how to roast somebody in such an elegant way!

Love the illustration of this letter. You can feel the fear in Bertie. Too many girls looking at him and waiting for a speech. Sadly his valet is busy spying him repairing the car.

The cigarettes case? Jeeves has it but it's empty, the cigarettes are in hand of Peggy and her classmates. All of this is the perfect mix for a disaster, and the Woosters know how to deal with that:

“Jeeves!” “Sir?” “Get a move on! Start her up! Get going and keep going!” I trod on the self-starter. “It would perhaps be safest to drive carefully until we are out of the school grounds, sir,” I said. “I might run over one of the young ladies, sir.” “Well, what’s the objection to that?” demanded Mr. Wooster, with extraordinary bitterness. “Or even Miss Tomlinson, sir.” “Don’t!” said Mr. Wooster, wistfully. “You make my mouth water!”

This story opened the Pandora box of my memories in an all-girls school: Girls greeting as a chorus? that's was more notorius than in other co-ed schools. Speech from visitors? yeah, I saw that many times. Visitors getting nervous with a bunch of girls? yeah, that too, mostly men. Singing the school song? I still remember it. Girls stealing cigarettes? yeah, I saw that! I still remember the long reprimands to all the classroom because a teacher found a bathroom smelling like cigarettes.

At least now Bertie values more his bachelor and childless life with Jeeves at his side. Cheers!

[deadtiredghost]

oh sorry I meant your opinion on the character.

I love all the turtles but have differing opinions of them across itterations.

Raphael is such a great character with so much potential and I think that this potential isnt explored enough in any of the series really - though I think the same about all the characters really. I know there is only so much you can include in a kids series etc. which is why we have fanfiction!

Obviously everyone associates Raph with anger issues, but I really dont; I think the first thing that comes to mind when I think of Raph is protectiveness and sensitivity. Raphael definately has issues with regulating his emotions but not much more than any of the other turtles tbh. The main issue with his 'anger' is that he resorts to violence first while others like Leo or 2012 Donnie resort to shouting first. ya know? Siblings argue and are competitive, especially when you live in the sewers with no one but your father and brothers for company. They're teenagers who only really have each other, so of course they're gonna act kinda odd and sometimes innapropriate to us - humans who have grown up in normal society.

When it comes to the canon relationships, I can't see Raph with a human. full stop, I personally dont see him attracted romantically to humans. I enjoyed 12!RaphMona, I like the fact that Raph crushes on a woman who can beat him up, its cute and their relationship is cute puppylove which is refreshing, but I enjoyed it more as an idea than the actual episodes that were shown, sorry I cant get over the betrayal (he deserves to be happy tho). Would have loved more episodes about Mona adjusting to earth - or Raph trying to learn her language and adorably mispronouncing her actual name. On the other hand 03!Raph aromantic anyone? anyone? just me? okay.

favourite itteration of Raph: I love them all equally!(lie) I would love to say I love them all equally but my favourite always will be: 'Don vs. Raph' by Jhonen Vasquez from SDCC (check it out)

In a brief few words I'll include my thoughts across the cartoon series:

(in retrospect: this is not brief. I wrote much more than I intended rip.)

(tldr: I like the Raphs and want more content about them.)

1987 - uses sarcasm and insults as a defense mechanism because they have lived in a world that continuously rejects them despite saving it over and over. When they meet the other itterations in crossovers they are delegated to 'comedic relief' and no one takes them seriously. So of course they're annoyed about everything half the time. Despite this they are probably the only 'passive' Raphael and can take an insult but doesnt enjoy fighting physically - though this doesnt mean they are incapable of it, they're still a ninja. the 1987 slander is large and unjustified, it's great. There is also not a day goes by that I remember that Raph chose to spend their 'last moments' playing superhero for humans who will never accept them - i think this reflects all the Raph's really. they dont want to be monsters they want to be accepted by humans deep down, even if part of them resents humans for all that they have put them through

2003 - his accent and whole demenour is 'cause he enjoyed movies with characters similar to how he presents himself growing up - obvi. I think he would be that judgemental and protective wine aunt over Casey and April's kids. We know he has a soft spot for kids across all the itterations and he would be every kid's favourite babysitter. He is a wine drinker not a beer drinker and no one can convince me otherwise. Casey thought he was an adult for like at least a year because of the way he sounds and talks, and Casey only realised he was a teenager because Raph rejected a beer etc. Raph was a stickler for 'health' as a teenager - like paranoid about junk food, smoking and drinking fucking up his health and ability to fight etc. As an adult he might drink recreationally but I still see him and Leo as the paranoid ones about 'drinking too much' and getting caught unawares by their enemies. or something.

Honestly though on the first watchthrough of 2003 I was happy that they made Raph progressively get more mellow and all that, becuase 2012 Raph's 'anger issues' were handled so badly. But now as an adult I was like... he deserves to be more angry if anything. Like with everything they go through all the turtles realistically should get more and more emotional as they react to the trauma of everything going on in their lives. So I would like to see more fanfic of Raph in 2003 dealing with his emotions which are too strong to control after the series is over, and how he deals with controlling his emotions. He is impulsive and nearly gets himself or everyone else killed quite a few times - I think this is key. We know his greatest fear is himself becoming the person who hurts his family, so I think this self-loathing is a part of how he deals with his anger issues. His main driving force for everything he does is how he wants to protect his family. But is self-loathing a stable and sustainable way to deal with your emotional issues? You decide!

2007 - following on from that, I see 07!Raph as very similar, especially if 07 follows on from the 1990 movies. Raph is depressed and in denail and becoming a vigilante is just as much out of some obligation he feels to justify his existence (to prove he isn't a monster,) and a way to vent his frustrated emotions at everyone and everything. He is angry with Splinter for sending Leo away but Splinter is his father who (is a bit of a shit dad in the movie lets be honest) demands perfection and respect, he is angry with Leo for leaving and never taking their emotions into account (all four of them have been together their entire life, they have never spent a significant amount of time away from each other and something bad could happen to Leo without Raph knowing or being there to protect them), he is angry at Donnie for being gifted the 'leader role' when Raph barely just adjusted to listening to everything Leo said and hates being told what to do by anyone; his dad, his older brother let alone his younger brother/twin (however you want to see their relationship). He is resentful of his brothers for 'making' him be a vigilante alone and he is angry with himself the most for being unable to adjust to this change and for feeling like if Nightwatcher is taken away from him he might have a breakdown -(he will have no outlet for his emotions). Raph = Angry Angsty Emo Boi. But he is still Raph and he is still soft on the inside, he is just a little traumatised from everything and needs therapy. Unfortunately therapy doesn't work if you dont actively want to change.

2012 - the audhd is strong with this one. Unfortunately when I see 12!Raph I just see myself *sob*. This entire family is so traumatised and have no adults in their life that they can rely on. I said his 'anger issues' were handled the worst: I stedfast believe that his 'anger issues' were simply undiagnosed neurodivergence and that the majority of his emotional outbursts were ENTIRELY JUSTIFIED. His entire family call him the 'angry one' and tread on egg shells around him a lot of the time waiting for him to blow up or just expecting him to and having really irritating (to me) reactions to his emotions. for example, when Mikey ruins his stuff on purpose and Leo just tells Raph that 'posessions are fleeting' or whatever. Like sometimes Mikey is just teasing and riling Raph up to get a reaction, normal sibling behaviour, but sometimes they just go overboard - case en point, Leo's comics being used as toilet paper which he then proceeds to beat Mikey up for. All his brothers piss him off sometimes (on purpose I might add) but there is a big difference between a snide comment and ruining someone's possession methinks. I wouldn't do that to my bro and he wouldn't do that to me - but I understand that the turtles grew up with no one but each other and that Mikey tries to joke around for a laugh and/or attention sometimes. But Splinter singles out Raph in training and nothing that anyone says or does actually helps Raph in his attempts to control his emotions. Not out of maliciousness or anything, just that they dont understand him or incorrectly assume where the anger is coming from (in Splinter's case I think he sees himself and all his own flaws in Raph, clouding his judgement). But ya, Raph's emotional crutch was venting to Spike who was his only friend and his beloved pet... and we all know how that turned out. But also he probably doesn't do the same with Chompy because of how Slash turned out. I think he consciously realises that he only talked shit about his family to Spike and thats why Spike incorrectly assumed he hated his family and was better without them, so now, he consciously choses not to do that. I like to think that after everything the entire family get better coping mechanisms becuase April's dad is a therapist, please by god let him be useful for once. 12!Raph is incredibly protective and incredibly paranoid and rightly so with how their lives have gone, but it isnt a sustainable mindset and he will run himself dry with that if he continutes - much like his brothers.

2018 - this is such a fun take on what things might be like if Raph was the eldest! I like to think that biologically Leo and Donnie are older than Raph but Splinter just aged them based on how big they were and how their development went (Raph talked first or something). Raph is more responsible but still the headstrong idiot that we know and love. I think the protectiveness is inherent to all Raph's and all that, but that deffo stems from an accident in his childhood. I'm thinking he got angry or overstimulated and hurt one of his brothers because he is so much bigger and spikier, which leads Splinter to giving him a few books on anger issues or child psychology - this could also be a fun source of Mikey's interest in psychology. Donnie is canonically ASD and Mikey is canonically ADHD, I think Splinter got some parenting books on neurodivergent kids and helped Raph with his own emotional issues better than in the other itterations. Either that or Raph is repressing, repressing repressing - both ideas are fun to write! But then Raph's whole 'Savage' thing, which stems from getting lost in the tunnels as a kid - we have seen before that mutants can go feral when left alone over time like 12!Splinter. etc. ALSO! never forget that Draxum created them as super soldiers which might imply that they have some propensity for violence ingrained in their DNA and all that - possibly why he used animals instead of humans at first.

Raph also probably had no strict education along with the rest of his siblings, and they all definately grew up on more modern tv which I think separates them from their counterparts a bit - more chaotic than uniform. They get that from their father of course. 18 makes jokes that are self aware and this leads me to believe that Raph is very aware of his issues "tire, laceface - my emotional crutches" he has plushies and physical affection that he relies on to help his self-esteem issues (the clothing episode "i'm a disaster" as soon as he faces a tiny amount of criticism). It's all reading really nerodivergent to me - wouldn't supprise me is every single one of the 18!turtles had issues with rejection sensitive dysphoria.

Raph has eldest dughter syndrome of course but I firmly reject the idea that Splinter was neglectful as a father when they were kids and Raph was parentified, because it's canon that Splinter was involved in his kids lives and did a lot of things with them, including lemonade stands which would have to be playing protend as they were in the sewers, and the Lair Games. But Raph is shown to not really know how to deal with his bros (such as using a baby voice with Donnie and trying to baby Mikey etc). I do not think that my beloved Red raised these chaotic motherfuckers.That being said when they got into their teens they become more independent etc. sneaking around as to not worry their dad (same as 2003 where they go against their dad's orders to stay home multiple times) and there is clear evidence for emotional neglect, especially with the twins. (personal info here: I have an anxious attachment style, but both my parents were present and doting my entire life, they were just not exactly what I needed etc. and worked 24/7 throughout my childhood - I see Splinter to my dad, down to the depressed infront of the TV 24/7 as I got older.) Splinter clearly loves his sons, but with Leo being so similar to Splinter personality wise (similar to 12!Raph I think that Splinter has a hard time connecting because he sees everything he hates about himself but of course he loves it in his son and conflicting emotions etc.) and Donnie having a very independent and headstrong personality, I think Splinter misstepped and needs to fix it properly, but wasnt entire shit.

MM - mutant mayhem Raph looks fucking hillarious and I'm so excited to see him in the series. Easily knew I would love him from the trailer and after watching the movie he looks like he has a great relationship with his bros, even if he can be critical of Leo - which is just teenager behaviour. I loved that in MM the turtles acted like kids, because they are kids and thats how kids act. I also anticipate that Raph might be a bit insensitive while getting absorbed in his own things, which I was thinking would be a fun conflict to write of course. He just wants to beat people up and I love that.

Mikey: you have a violence problem

Raph: it's not a problem; its a solution!

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Been a while since we did this: It’s midnight and I’m thinking about six of crows, so let’s chat. I’m currently thinking about the experiences of Wylan and Inej echoing each other on opposite ends of the spectrum of cruelty created by the environment in Ketterdam, because ultimately it’s a system that favours no-one but the men who created it. Even though Inej is a foreign immigrant brought to the country against her will and Wylan was born to one of the richest families in the country, they both suffer greatly at its hands - arguably even in similar ways.

*Spoilers ahead!!!!*

Ok so this particular thought occurred to me a little while ago, and it was first sparked by the conversation Van Eck has with Inej at the beginning of Crooked Kingdom when holding her captive. He tells her he is not “a brute” but has simply “employed the methods you are most accustomed to - threats, violence” and her immediate response is “He sounded like Tante Heleen”. She goes on to remember Heleen’s words saying “Why do you make me do these things? You bring these punishments on yourself, girl”. So of course there’s this immediate link between them, and I would argue that the parallels are perpetuated throughout the novel as well. Quickly want to add as well that it’s really interesting to see Tante Heleen call her “girl”, because although this denies Inej identity and aligns greatly with the way she sobs at hearing her own name said aloud for the first time in a year when she meets Kaz, it doesn’t come across as immediately dehumanising in the way that other epithets used against her, like “little Lynx”, do. But interestingly enough, I actually think that it still is a dehumanising word when it comes from Heleen - because she does not see “her girls” as human. First of all, whenever the children at the Menagerie are referred to as “girls” it’s always in an entirely possessive manner - “your girl will he returned to you” “where is my girl?” “That is not my girl” (these are literally all from one scene, and there are way more throughout the books) - but the idea is only intensified by Inej’s own sentence: “not really people, not even really girls.”. As if “girls” and “people” are two separate entities. As if “girls” are not human. This is the language and the attitude that she was surrounded by at the Menagerie and is still surrounded by in the city, and what was forced upon her throughout her experiences in the country. But you know what else might be a genuinely horrifying little detail of this????? Inej may have actually taught herself that the words “people” and “girls” are not synonymous. Because when Inej was brought to Kerch she wasn’t fluent in the language, she spoke some of it and quickly learnt the rest through circumstance, so if this was the way she heard Kerch people use the word “girl” this is how she would internalise the definition of it. I hope this makes sense I’m not sure if I’m relating my thoughts very clearly, it’s kind of like how Matthias was forced to learn Kerch because he was in a Kerch prison so he doesn’t know words that would easily come to him in Fjerdan, like the snow goggles, but instead of simply having gaps Inej has actually learnt a false grammar system that defines “girl” as a dehumanising term because it means someone who is less than or someone who is property. Anyway, that was quite a tangent so let’s keep going.

I talked quite a lot about Wylan’s experience with abuse in my post about the similarities between him and Kaz so I won’t go into too much detail here (if you want to read that though it’s on my page, it’s called Kaz and Wylan’s Potential to Become Each Other, I can tag anyone who’d like to be tagged) but I want to mention the way Van Eck has conditioned his son to blame himself for everything he’s been through, rather than his father. Wylan actively blames himself, even after he discovers what his father did to Marya he says to Jesper “you don’t understand, it’s my fault” because he believes that Van Eck needed a convenient way of getting rid of her so he could remarry and have a child that he didn’t view as “defective”.

I want to talk about Inej during the bathroom scene in Crooked Kingdom, specifically focusing on the fact that this is really the moment she is most open about her trauma and reveals herself to be at her most vulnerable. Now I could talk for DAYS about the way she expresses herself in this scene in comparison to Kaz and why their vulnerabilities differ in different moments, but I’m trying to stay on track so maybe I’ll talk about that another time, the focus here is that in this moment when she is her most open with another character about what she went through she tells Kaz that “Tante Heleen wasn’t always cruel” and explains emotional abuse and manipulation that Heleen layered with her physical and financial abuse. It so importantly echoes Van Eck’s abuse of Wylan, because ultimately he was always an emotionally abusive and manipulative person. Discovering that Wylan couldn’t read at age 8 didn’t magically switch him from a loving husband and father to the monster we see in the duology, and it is implied that he was abusing Marya in some form prior to sending her away. But Wylan clings to the things that his father did that seem loving, at least on the surface, and blames himself for any problems in his parents marriage - “they argued a lot, sometimes about me. But I remember them laughing a lot too”. (The quote is along those lines sorry I don’t have my book on me right now). This quote always intrigued me because not only does Wylan label himself as the common denominator in any issues they had, he also quickly jumps in to add defence as if their relationship is never supposed to be touched upon or examined too closely. Wylan also says “My father trusts himself first, Alys only so far”, which is really interesting to me because it clearly implies that there is a limit to anything positive Van Eck shares with his supposed loved ones. I don’t think there’s supposed to be any implication that Van Eck is abusing Alys right now, but if you disagree please let me know if be interested to hear it, but I do think that we’re supposed to be aware that he would begin to do so further down the line.

Ok I won’t lie to you guys I’ve kind of lost track of my point, so I’m gonna leave this here for now and if I decide to add anything later then I’ll reblog to continue. If anyone would like to add anything please do, and thanks for reading!

[daddyelliott1979]

How to help your little become comfortable with Public play

One of my little ones @squirtdaboi asked me to write this as we explore public play within our dynamic.

Firstly let me define what I mean before I get shouted at for including others in kink without their consent.

In this instance we are talking padding, cute outfits and the dynamic itself playing out in public.

I'm going to break this down into a few parts

But my number 1 concern is safety, I'm never putting them in harm's way, I'm not going push them beyond what they are comfortable with.

Safety

Communication

The Play itself

After care and post outing communication

Safety

As a Daddy and Dom I'm always pushing my boys to grow, to expand themselves and be the best version of themselves (in and out of dynamics).

An example, my youngest who asked me to write this and I are starting small, he wears a pull up out, and I will low key talk to him like a kiddo.

He gets very squirmy, usually tells me to shut up (this is part of our dynamic). He gets flustered and a bit embarrassed.

I remind him no one is around and if they heard us they would have no clue what we are talking about. And I use humour to distract him.

I am never going to make him do something dumb like put his Dummy and demand he does as Daddy says; that's an overstep.

However in a recent outting he went out thickly padded, in dungarees, he took his Dummy and in a secluded place he popped it in and asked for a photo.

He felt amazing; I made him feel safe to ask for this- mission accomplished.

Know where you are and who's about before exploring public play! Always think about your little's comfort level and emotions.

I have to do this more because my little has special needs.

Communication

And this brings us to this important aspect, because of his sensory issues we have to talk and plan things more, and I'm more than happy to do.

Communication helps bring its own level of safety, each person knows exactly what's going to happen.

Discussing expectations before embarking on public play, what will.yoy be doing, how will it work and what precautions you might take! Remember safety!

Praise, Praise, Praise, Praise! Can't emphasize this enough! If he does something well, gets out of his comfort zone or does something unexpected - praise the fuck out of him!

Tell him how proud you are, tell him he's the best little boy in the world, and reward him- I buy mine little treats, but you could easily set up a reward system to support him!

Take time when it goes wrong, if he's anxious then take to a quiet space and 'check in", it's great if you have a set of questions that you always ask. This builds consistency and trust!

If you're still learning your little comfort levels you could set up a simple set of phrases where he can communicate "Green, Amber and Red" for example. Quick, no fuss communication is very beneficial; safe words aren't just for the bedroom!

Also reassure them throughout the experience! I tell my little one "doing scary things means you are brave, and being brave builds confidence!

The Play itself

This is best done in incremental steps, baby steps if you will. Start with being padded, or talking to them like a little, whilst in public.

Start with maybe a short walk to a local shop, Or grabbing changing supplies whilst at the supermarket.

Gauge the reactions of those around you and demonstrate no one cares! Reflect back how safe he is.

Be consistent, we are going to do X, and stick to it, don't change it up at the last minute. However if you have built a level of trust then a small additional extra; know your little well though, if change is an issue then don't do it!

And again praise that boy because the more he knows you are proud of him and that you got his back the more confident he's going to be!

The more he's going to want to do!

Again I can't stress enough doing different things each time, but make sure you communicate exactly what will happen! Make it fun and exciting!

After care and post outing communication

One thing to think about is having a strategy if things go wrong. That includes keeping your cool if your little one wasn't able to do what was expected or perhaps got stressed and refused.

Have an exit strategy; where are you going to take them, how will you hug in public or what will you communicate to them?

You're their Daddy, they look at you during stressful situations, they need to know you got them. Maybe they have a small pocket stuffie or comfort item. Maybe go to their favourite cafe for a hot chocolate.

And if it went well, to plan or exceeded your expectations, then praise the heck out of that boy; hesy of just broken through years of fear of repression. He needs to know how God's damn proud you are of him!

Like all aftercare you provide you know what your kiddo likes. Mines definitely about close snuggles and warm blankets, and of course quiet time to process. So he gets all of that once home.

And a bottle because it builds such a powerful bond!

Conclusion

You are building the foundations for his growth, and if you are anything like this Daddy, then you should be invested in the long game!

So little by little, pun intended, you are developing skills and abilities in him that will help in every area of his life; invest in him, and you will help create not only an exceptional little, but an incredible (little) Man!

[aheckinmess]

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

(Part 17 to The Snowball Effect)

Read on AO3.

Tags: Enji Todoroki, Endeavor, Female Reader, Reader Has an Ice Quirk, Endeavor x Reader, Enji Todoroki x Reader, MHA Christmas Special, Spending Time with Friends/Family, Toshinori Yagi, Shinya Kamihara, All Might, Edgeshot, Original Female Character(s), A Lot of Warm Fuzzies in Here

Word Count: 1,205 words

Summary: After getting over a cold, you and Enji arrange for a babysitter so you can both take a well-deserved break while you go visit your friends at a Christmas party.

Playlist: The Snowball Effect

December 17

“I took the liberty of calling Tokei to watch the kids this evening so you and I can catch a break.” Enji tells you over a cup of tea. “I figure you need it especially after being sick.”

“That’s very sweet of you, Enchan. What are we going to do? I take it you’ve made plans?” You poke out your tongue as you mark the stitch in your current crochet project.

“Well, we do have the Christmas party tonight with Toshinori and Sayuri, remember?”

“Oh, shoot. Is that tonight? I forgot all about it! I’ll go out and get some gifts.”

His hand palms your shoulder to pause you before you can even sit up. 

“Relax, my flame, I’ve got it all taken care of. You were sick and I didn’t expect you to remember.”

His thoughtfulness drains the tension from your muscles as you smile and lean against his side. The couch sinks with the added weight of your worry before you turn to rest your head on Enji’s comfy thigh. 

“What did you get them, then?”

“It’ll just be Toshinori, Sayuri, Hana, and Shinya. I got a present for everyone. You know how much Toshinori likes America – I got him a package of American postcards with a barbecue sauce sampler.” He pauses. “You’re from America. Why is that a thing?”

“Barbecue samplers? Oh, sweetheart, that’s an easy go-to for gift giving! There’s always a barbecue going on in the United States.” You chuckle, pulling his massive hand into yours to idly trace pictures into his skin.

“Hm, well, I guess it’s good that I got him something traditional. He’ll like that.” Enji decides, before continuing on his rundown. “I got Sayuri an embroidery kit. Hasn’t she mentioned needing more patterns?”

“Oh, yes! She’ll love that. I’m a little jealous; you might win over her heart and I’ll have to beat her off of you for that.” You tease.

“As if the embroidery kit would be able to pry her from Toshinori in the first place.” Enji snorts. “Hana was the easiest. I just bought her a small collection of books from her wishlist.”

“Define small.” 

“Oh, hush. It’s not a lot. I didn’t want anyone to think we were favoring them, so it’s just five or so.” He ruffles your hair.

You swipe at his hand playfully when he purposefully flips half of your wavy locks over your eyes. He flicks your forehead on principle with a laugh.

“Last is Shinya. What about him?”

“I got him a sushi making kit. He enjoys cooking and was just talking about making an attempt at putting together his own Edgeshot sushi roll.” Enji shrugs. “Like I said, I have the presents handled.”

“Color me impressed.” You giggle.

“You say that as if I would have planned to go without any.”

“I never doubted you; only worried that you might have forgotten.”

. . . . .

When you step up to the threshold of Toshinori’s house and get ushered in, you chuckle with Sayuri about how well the boys get along. Toshinori claps Enji on the back and by the time they reach the living area, they’re already smiling and exchanging pleasantries. Every day you wait with buzzing anticipation for Enji to learn that his best friend is none other than All Might himself. Not because it’ll piss him off, oh no, but the look on Enji’s face is one you don’t want to miss.

Maybe you’ll frame the picture of his expression when it finally happens.

As Shinya and Hana join the crowd a few minutes later, Sayuri seems to read your thoughtful expression.

“I still say he’s just gonna haul back and punch him on principle.” She snickers.

“I mean, it’s Enji’s own fault. How many other men does he know that are blonde-haired, blue-eyed, and seven feet tall?” You whisper back.

“Who are we talking about?” Hana suddenly squirms her way between the two of you with a smirk that’s up to no good. 

“We’re talking about how loud Toshi is in bed and if Enji can top it.” Sayuri winks. “Or should I say, our dearest ice queen can top him.”

“All I’m saying is Shinya’s a ninja in the streets and a monster in the sheets.” Hana wiggles her eyebrows, before sneaking back towards the kitchen as we drop our jaws.

Of course, you both trail after her, doubled over in mirth.

“Have you finished Christmas shopping, Hana-chan?” You ask when you’re composed. “We’ve only got eight more days.”  

“I really should have it done, but you know I always end up finishing shopping last minute.” She sighs. “Shinya can be so hard to buy for, sometimes.”

“Tell me about it.” You groan. “I’m just lucky inspiration struck me at the mall for Enji.” 

“You didn’t tell me you bought Enji’s big gift already! Now I feel bad that I haven’t gotten Toshi’s!” Sayuri whines, flopping her head on your shoulder.

“I know, I know, I’m sorry. I can go help you find something if you’d like.”

“You don’t have to feel obligated, but I’ll never turn down time with my bestie!” She laughs. “Besides, you have to tell us! What did you get him?”

“Yes, tell us what you got him.” Enji’s deep timbre rumbles from behind, making you jolt and smack his arm. “What? I want to know.”

“And you will…on Christmas!” 

“I think she means it.” Toshinori pops in behind him, earning a smack from Sayuri. “What? You ladies always sneak in on our conversations. Why can’t we be one of the girls for the night?” 

“Because you’re just doing it because you want to know your presents!” We all cry in unison.

You hear Shinya’s sigh before he materializes out of thin air in the middle of the group.

“Guilty as charged.”

Enji smirks at you, blue eyes burning with loving adoration that forces a smile on your rosy cheeks – you can’t help but kiss him. The other two couples in the room have the same idea. 

“Well, if we can’t know what our actual Christmas presents are…might as well start this party with the presents we got for each other this evening.” Toshinori decides.

Despite the dopamine rush of receiving some new headphones, the real magic forms after the gift exchange. In the middle of a pile of presents and soft decorative lights hanging from the banisters, the warm glow permeating your heart has nothing to do with presents and everything to do with the people surrounding you.

With a smile, you lean on Enji’s shoulder while Toshinori heralds a funny story about his awkward first kiss with Sayuri. Hana follows up with her own embarrassing tale of the time she nearly sprained her ankle on her first date with Shinya. You conclude with an egregious anecdote about the time Enji left you sitting at a hero gala alone because he’d been needed at the last minute for an emergency villain attack.

At the end of it all? The six of you raise a glass to true friends and true loves.

You meet Enji’s gaze as the bubbly champagne touches your lips, thanking God for blessing you with a man who’s both, and friends who won’t let you forget it.

Day 18

Credit to @saradika-graphics for the holiday banner! Thank you so much!

[walrus150915]

The most random out-of-order Nimona headcanons I've scrambled out of my mind and put in my notes as coherent as I could bc there's a LOTTTT

• I don't think Nimona uses specific names to label her sexuality/gender. Was she in love with Gloreth? Maybe she was. Maybe she was not. Does she like boys? Who knows, she sure doesn't. What's her gender? Nimona. That's it

• I think Ballister did try to be the cis ally™ and figure out the label Nimona would use but she'd just shrug her shoulders and say "I don't know, boss, it seems like you care about it more than I do"

• And even though she's NOT a girl, she uses she/her pronouns because 💥YOUR PRONOUNS DON'T DEFINE YOUR GENDER💥 you may use she/her and not be a girl, he/him and not be a boy, I even saw cis people use they/them simply bc they're comfortable. And that's okay!

• Although she's comfortable with people calling her he/they/neopronouns you name it. Just. Not it/its. You know the reasons😬

• Nimona is left-handed and it's CANON actually I am SO HAPPY as a left-handed person she's just like me fr💥💥

• Nimona isn't a big fan of domestic bliss Ambrosius and Ballister spend most of their time in (plus they're very sappy and very much disgustingly in love, Nimona's stoic organism can't handle their mushiness for the dear life), she's like an independent cat I think: comes to hang out, eats, spends time with her father-not-really figures and goes away for weeks only to come back again. She travels the world my dudes✨

• I think she has a bunch of photos from the places she'd been to and talks about her adventures a lot!

• Nimona also is the best cook of the fam I'm afraid. Ballister cooks, like, the bare minimum to serve himself as a functioning adult (rice, salad, pasta, some meat like you know the deal) but nothing too complicated. Ambrosius is a nepo baby who's probably lived in palaces and mansions with dozens of servants do you really think he's good at cooking😭 as he distanced himself from the Institute and moved in with Bal I think he learnt to cook, still not great at it.

• Nimona though? SHE CAN DO *ANYTHING* like she's madly good at cooking. It might look like she's burning the kitchen down only to reveal that she was putting Gordon Ramsay to shame!

Speaking of BallBros

• Ballister's experience is close to a second gen immigrant. Ambrosius's experience is close to a third gen immigrant. They can't be immigrants bc of the context of the story?? I DON'T CARE☺

• Ambrosius doesn't speak his mother tongue except for like a few words or phrases he's heard at home. His older relatives probably make fun of him for it on family gatherings. His parents didn't teach him because they didn't want him to stick out (totally not self projecting here - yeah I'm a third gen immigrant hiii)

• Ballister tho? I think Urdu was his first language but he learned English along the way

• And it kinda mixes in his head so he forgets the words from both languages sometimes and replaces them with the word from the other one (HA my experience again)

• When he's experiencing hard emotions, be it anger, happiness, sadness, or is overwhelmed, he drops English entirely and just starts bantering in Urdu

• Ambrosius didn't know Ballister was bilingual but when he learnt it? He was amazed and I think... Kinda jealous because he didn't get to learn Korean himself (self projection yeahhhhhh)

• "You know your mother tongue? Damn! I wish I did too!"

• That said, Ballister has no idea how to shorten Ambrosius's name (WHAT THE HECK IS THIS NAME BRO WHAT ARE YOU, GOD'S FOOD???), so he sticks to Urdu endearments, "luv" (in the most British accent possible) and "darling"

People who say French/Spanish are the romantic languages are wrong LISTEN TO URDU OR INDIAN LANGUAGES OR ARABIC. THAT'S WHERE LOVE IS DUDE

• Ambrosius has learnt like a few words in Urdu and tries to rizz up Ballister by saying some basic words like "jaan", "mohabbat" and just😭😭😭 fails😭😭😭 because he's a cringefail man😭😭😭

I remember trying to ask out my (NOW EX😔) gf who's Italian by writing "will you be my girlfriend?" in Italian and I used GOOGLE TRANSLATION🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️ SHE UNDERSTOOD THAT I USED GOOGLE AND POINTED IT OUT AS A JOKE BUT I CRINGED AT MYSELF SO HARD..... Ambrosius would totally do that too and Ballister would chuckle and pull him in a kiss bc he loves this cringefail man so much

• Ambrosius also serenades like I KNOW DAMN WELL HE DOES. He goes "this one's for you, Bal" with a wink and sings like the sappiest most disgusting love ballad ever and Ballister tries his best not to laugh because that's his beloved boyfriend but also like.... So cringe. So embarrassing😭😭 Nimona has more balls than her boss so she would outright say that it's cringe

• Also. I don't agree with people saying Ambrosius's a jock because have you seen this man?? He's a theatre kid. The worst kind of theatre kid. Even after not being a kid anymore he's still a theatre kid. BRO IS A HAMILTON FAN UNIRONICALLY, OF COURSE HE IS. He makes weirdass references to musicals and giggles like an idiot

• Can we agree that Ambrosius was an awakening for many teenagers because OOOOH BOY he sure would be mine. Some pop news youtube channel probably has a video of him reading the kingdom's equivalent of "thirst tweets", like yknow this type of vids😭😭

While we're on the topic of thirst tweets

• Diego the squire runs a fan page account with edits of Ballister like he's some pop celebrity

• He also may or may not write self-indulgent "Ballister x reader" fanfiction in his off duty time

• Also hc that when Ballister was on the run he saw some "WANTED" poster of him and hang up on the wall like yeah boy's crush is EMBARRASSING (can we blame him? I'm the same with Riz Ahmed)

• Todd would be on the "straight" side of their equivalent to TikTok. You know the ones with shirtless men with the same haircuts who think they're hot when in reality they're not?? That's what Todd and his friends are up to in their free time *throws up*

To wrap it all up NOT with Todd, some super random ones:

• Ballister and Ambrosius force Nimona to take her shoes off ("DO NOT bring your European nonsense in this ethnic household") in their house even though she doesn't even have boots on😭😭 it's just her skin😭😭😭 so she morphs her form to simply be shoeless😭😭😭😭

• Ambrosius knows how to tap dance. Idk don't question it I just think he does

• Nimona plays piano YEAH SHE DOES she's lived for 1000+ years man she can do anything

• Ballister's hair routine is "genetics, coconut oil n some prayers"

Yeah that's it I'll probably make a part 2 because it's not all... These characters have occupied my mind and won't let it go🧍‍♂️