#and because how would i define 'knowing' or 'learning' a word? i might remember it one day and forget it the next

[dallasgallant]

Time period post: Soc’s

I just did one of these recently going over greasers and so I thought I’d go over Soc’s! Something to keep in mind is they aren’t really a subculture(really neither are our greasers) but are a defined group, clique might be the best word.

Ponyboy explains soc himself in the book by explaining its short for ‘Socialite’

Socialite:

is a person from a wealthy background who is prominent in high society. Who generally spends a significant amount of time attending various fashionable social gatherings, instead of having traditional employment.

Rich > popular

Soc does not automatically mean popularity and shouldn’t be seen as a stand in for a “popular kids”, however there’s an overlap and high likelihood they are popular but it’s not a requirement or the only aspect. The Soc’s are the rich kids.

In the sixties that likely means a two story house, two car garage, full kitchen, finished basement, central air etc. Nice new clothes and a nice car, they’re able to keep up with modern trends in just about everything. They’ll get records and stuff they like with relative ease.

There’s also the social aspect to being a social!

Being social-

Their entire life is about knowing the right people and being in the proper circles, they’re being reared to be the next proper socialites. Typically the women, men too but they’ll get a marketing, sales or board job that’s also primarily knowing people and cutting deals.

They throw ragers now but it’ll soon turn into garden parties and charity luncheons or company picnics. Building relationships and passing money around to each other and to whatever cause of the week they’ll pretend to care for or perhaps genuinely do but are so separated from everyone else it’s still tone deaf. We’re talking that kind of rich here.

For now Soc’s are still young, they may attend family events when needed but are largely left on their own to throw their own things… beer blasts, ragers. Getting in the news for their insanity but being praised in it the next day like cherry says. It’s a weird duality.

Appearance

To be a soc one has to be hyper-vigilant. One has to be presentable. One can never really be themselves or even know themselves. It’s hard to turn it off even when they’re alone, is there anything beneath that smile? Has it ever got a chance to develop? Bringing up Cherry again because she describes it so perfectly in a book that they’d talk without listening to themselves, just to talk, don’t even really know any of their friends but they’re friends because well— no one remembers.

They keep ramping up their antics just to feel something, anything. So you’re jumping greasers. You’re getting wasted. Wreckless, violent etc. might as well get it all out of your system now, it’s harder to burry when you age. They’re losing their minds a little constantly before they learn to completely harden. This is something still prevalent today amongst upper class kids.

Which, again don’t misunderstand me. They do have feelings and they are people I’m just explains how the pressures and demands of who/what they are often leads to completely losing yourself to the collective (there’s so many movies on this lol). Or just simply are lead not to care, too busy either networking or having fun to have a chance to think. Cherry mentioned something on this too, I think if they ever had a moment to stop, for silence or a sunset they’d explode. Need to fill themselves with noise and action to feel.

A lot of their more general behavior, that’s not influenced by the pressures of being Uber rich, overlaps with just plain and regular ‘popular’ kids in school. Not really knowing your friends or what you’re doing but you’re young and hot and you have fun so who cares really?

Soc = prep

While a soc isn’t interchangeable with Popular, they do tend to be. A better synonym would be the Preps/Preppies of the 1980s

Prep:

an American subculture associated with the alumni of college-preparatory schools in the Northeastern United States.

A prep is essentially a soc, just with more focus on the style of clothing and less the social aspect. It’s sort of the overlap with Soc and popular, as if you’re middle/upper middle class but popular and dress in the style you’d be considered a prep.

In the end, Soc refers to the “rich bully” whereas a Greaser is the “working class bully” as specified in my post on them. This is speaking in the stereotypical sense as the entire point of the story is people are more than the surface or stereotypes.

[coquelicoq]

this post is brought to you by: la lettre A

i finished all 58 pages of the letter A in this french dictionary! and it only took me 18 days!!

knowing myself and how i work, if i want to actually keep this up long enough to finish the entire dictionary, i should celebrate this milestone with a look back at what i have learned and accomplished. (not that i actually need an excuse to ramble about words, but i'm not gonna turn one down lol.)

keep reading to learn exciting things such as: which french nouns for abstract concepts can be masculine OR feminine! which french playing card is idiomatically considered to have bad fashion sense! which prefixes are actually TWO prefixes meaning totally different things, the little fuckers! and more!!

first, some stats

percentage of dictionary taken up by A words: 7.6% (58/763)

percentage of dictionary read so far: 8.4% (counting the preface and abbreviations)

rate and duration: 3 pages/day for 18 days (approximately 1-2 hours per day)

total entries: 2304. note: this is not the same as the number of words defined (an entry will often contain derivations of the main word, such as adjectives and adverbs formed from a noun) or number of definitions (an entry will often define multiple senses of the same word)

rows added to my vocabulary spreadsheet: 214. these are not all of the words i didn't know, just the ones i want to prioritize learning. baby steps.

times i learned a word from the dictionary and then later that day encountered the same word in the wild: probably like ten times!

times i learned a word from the dictionary and then later that day encountered the same word in the wild and still knew what it meant: maybe four times lol

fun facts about A words!

you may have noticed that there are a lot of pages in the A section (relative to the mean, which would be about 29 pages/letter). this is primarily because some very productive prefixes start with this letter!

prefixes of note

a- (toward, to). eventually i managed to internalize that if there's a word i don't recognize that starts with an a, if i chop off the a (+ the following letter, if it's a doubled consonant) it will often leave me with another word i do recognize, and the a- word indicates some kind of movement toward the state or action indicated by the shorter word. the entry for a- (the second entry in the entire dictionary) told me this explicitly, but it didn't really sink in until like...yesterday lol. you'd think i would know better, from 1) taking latin (this prefix is from the latin word ad, meaning to), 2) having a form of this prefix in english as well, 3) knowing how prefixes work, etc., etc. but alas. i stay humble 😔

a(n)- (not, no, without). very fun when you have a letter which at the beginning of words can mean either "not [root]" or "becoming [root]". big shoutout to greek and latin for that.

it's interesting that this dico didn't have an entry for the ab- prefix (also from latin, the opposite of a-). ab rights!! (one of my favorite latin verbs is abesse, meaning "to be away". present participle: absens, absentis. look familiar???)

anté/anti- (before), from the latin ante, vs. anti- (against), from the greek anti. greek vs. latin strikes again!!!

apo- (away from, off). obviously english also has this prefix because french forced their lexicon upon us, but i hadn't actually put together before now that it was a prefix because i've never studied greek. so now i am doing the next best thing, learning about english by reading about greek in a dictionary about french.

archéo- (ancient) vs. archi- (chief, ruler). mostly notable because i used to be very distressed by the fact that the ch sound is pronounced differently in these two environments. but now i know (it's a k sound in archéo and an sh sound in archi)!

auto- (self) vs. auto- (related to road vehicles). i just love that the second one came from the first via back formation (from automobile), aka the popular girl of the morphological processes.

i wouldn't really call them prefixes, but avant (before), après (after), and arrière (behind, back) also all begin with A, and they are stuck in front of other words to make new hyphenated words, thus padding out the A section further.

page hogs

(entries taking up 1/6 of a page or more)

à

affaire

air

aller

appel

appuyer

art

attendre

avant

avoir

like you guys don't get enough attention already !

🤯 momence

accourir takes être as auxiliary in the compound tenses! are you seeing this shit!!! dr. & mrs. vandertramp is a LIE!!

guess what the verb alphabétiser means. did you guess "to alphabetize"? WRONG! it means to teach someone to read and write!!

in other "learning things about english by reading a french dictionary out loud" news: did u know that reMUNeration is a word? not just reNUMeration (which is also an accepted spelling), but reMUNeration. the m and then the n! what! how have i never noticed this in the past 34 years of my existence! some people may say it's strange to read the dictionary, but i think this proves i need to read MORE dictionaries actually. life is beautiful. consciousness is a miracle!!

the noun l'après-midi (afternoon) can be feminine or masculine! how do you pick? idk! gender anarchy! this just in: every afternoon is genderfluid hours selon les francophones!!

okay, here's a headscratcher. l'auriculaire (noun) means "pinky finger", but auriculaire (adjective) refers to the ear/hearing. the only explanation i can find for this is on french wikipedia, which is very [citation needed] and seems apocryphal at best. (and if that wasn't enough totally unrelated body parts for one word to be about for you, auriculaire can also refer to the chambers of the heart 😇)

mes bien-aimés

favorite words to pronounce

antipathie [ɑ̃tipati]

antiquité [ɑ̃tikite]

antithétique [ɑ̃titetik]

architecture [aʀʃitɛktyʀ]

association [asɔsjasjɔ̃]

au-delà [od(ə)la], especially with the article (l'au-delà [lod(ə)la])

authenticité [otɑ̃tisite]

autochtone [otoktɔn]

tous azimuts [tuzazimyt]

please listen to my one true love (voice reading french words on wordreference dot com) pronounce "association". crops watered etc.

least favorite words to pronounce are any that start with aéro-. consecutive vowel sounds and an r sound? sans façon, je m'abstiens 👍

FAVE WORDS PERIOD

une accolade: an embrace/a hug, or one of these guys: { }. is that not the cutest shit.

une agrafe: a staple. i've become very attached to this word for some reason. (haha, attached, get it)

un aimant: a magnet. i am SURE i knew this at some point but fortuitously i forgot all about it, allowing me to see it with fresh eyes and be delighted all over again. (aimant is the present participle of the verb aimer, meaning to love. therefore magnet = one who is loving 😫💘)

tu ne manques pas d'air ! : you've got some nerve! ooh, i just know this is going to come in handy.

[nom] par alliance: [noun]-in-law. i like this because une alliance is a wedding ring (and also, more directly, an alliance. but that's boring!).

une amphibologie: sentence or phrase that's grammatically ambiguous. obviously i'm all over this. cela va de soi.

ahaner: to puff and pant. i love this one because it's onomatopoeic (the h is silent, so you make two "ah" sounds in a row, like you're breathing out twice)!

french has a word meaning "person who goes on vacation in august" (it's aoûtien(ne), from août, meaning august). how fucking rad is that?

i love et alors ? (big deal), et après ? (so?, so what?), and j'en ai vu d'autres (I've seen worse). also à d'autres ! (yeah, right! or likely story! or (for the brits out there) pull the other one! or (this is not in any dictionaries but i am extrapolating) nice try but i wasn't born yesterday!)

avoir une araignée au plafond: to be a little cuckoo, to have bats in the belfry. literal translation: to have a spider on the ceiling. just reminds me of that classic tumblr post about nicolas ii the last czar of russia hanging from the ceiling fan. i know that post is about bad vision, but the vibes are there and that's what matters.

archi- is a prefix in words like architecture, but it can also be added to adjectives as a slangy intensifier meaning very, extremely, super.

mentir comme un arracheur des dents: lie through one's teeth, though the literal translation would be more like "lie like a tooth-puller". is this because dentists are always like "this will barely hurt at all"? (omg i just looked it up and found a source (reputability: unknown) that says exactly that)

arrondir [qqch]: round [sth] up/down. aw look, it's got "rond" right in there. and i like that you can use the same construction regardless of whether you're rounding up or down, because it's not actually necessary to specify.

habillé(e)/ficelé(e)/fichu(e) comme l'as de pique: dressed like a scarecrow, looking like something the cat dragged in. literal translation: dressed like the ace of spades. is the ace of spades known for looking bedraggled in french card decks?? dying to know.

un ascenseur is an elevator, but it can also mean scroll bar. that makes so much sense! they do look like little elevators!

accrocher means a lot of things but primarily to hang, hook, snag, grip, etc. (it's related to crochet, hook.) one of its figurative senses is to get along, click, hit it off. les atomes crochus is chemistry (between people)...literally "hooked atoms". avoir des atomes crochus avec [qqn] means to have a lot in common with [sb].

autant pour moi: my bad, silly me. apparently was originally "au temps pour moi". au the temps, they are a-changin...

l'auto-stop: hitchhiking! as far as i can tell, stop came from english, but it happened centuries ago, and this dictionary isn't marking it as an anglicism. i mostly think it's funny that french definitely couldn't adopt the word "hitchhike" (french has, like, two of those sounds in its phoneme inventory lol) but they still ended up with something that came from english but which their lexicographers are not acknowledging as having come from english. (canadians say faire du pouce which is also great)

faire avec: make do, get by. i love a preposition that doesn't take a complement! feels illicit. like we're being naughty. even though it's actually so accepted as to be included in an abridged dictionary for a language that has literal laws about which words not to use. i know, okay? just let me have this!

next up: 34 pages of la lettre B 👀👀

[devilyn]

you defined love for me | tsukishima kei

— now playing: better off without me by matt hansen

I guess love isn't what I thought We were blinded by the hope we got We were slow dancing in the dark Do you remember, remember?

— synopsis: tsukishima kei taught you what it meant to love and be loved — genre: angst, toxic tsukki, mostly feelings and thoughts not much action..... — word count: 1.2k

"Do you understand what it's like to love you?"

Tsukishima Kei was never easy to love. He fought love every step of the way, whether it be with the walls he constantly put back up after you tore them down, or with his snarky remarks insulting things you never knew you could be insecure about.

But you loved him regardless.

Admittedly, you didn't know love before you met Tsukishima. Your idea of romantic love and relationships was all built on the four years you've spent with him. It was good in some ways. You learned you were beautiful, even when you felt your ugliest. You learned that love doesn't need to be communicated through words, but could be conveyed through his actions. And love could be gentle, comfortable, quiet.

But you also learned that you'd never be good enough. You learned you were too much, too clingy, too demanding of his time and attention. Love could be harsh, gut wrenching, painful.

Love is your laughter in the morning while his arms are around your waist and he's burying his face in your chest, not wanting to let go or get up. 

Love is the way he snaps at you that night for leaving crumbs on the coffee table, and the way it makes you shrink into yourself.

"You make it hard to love you, Kei."

How could you put your love for him into words? There weren't enough words in the world to properly convey the way he made you feel.

The way he'd make you smile and laugh. The way he'd make you tear up and cry when he wasn't looking.

Was it worth it falling in love with him? Was it worth him slowly chipping away at your self worth, bit by bit, until you became someone else entirely? Someone totally unrecognizable?

The dishes in the sink still weren't washed. The laundry was sitting in the dryer unfolded. The bathroom sink was cluttered with your skincare.

You had all these things you needed to do before Tsukishima came home and you could barely muster up the energy to breathe in and out while laying curled up in bed.

Your thoughts flickered between needing to get up to clean the apartment because your boyfriend might throw a fit if he came home to a mess, and wishing that same boyfriend was here to hold you and reassure you that things would be alright. 

Sometimes, it felt like you loved two versions of Tsukishima Kei. One loved everything about you, and made sure to show you that every single day. The other picked at every one of your flaws until holes started to form in your heart. 

You never knew which Tsukki you'd get.

The front door clicked open, and you heard shuffling as Tsukishima took off his shoes and tossed his bag to the side. You braced yourself, shoulders tense and practically pressed up to your ears as you pulled the covers over your head, as if doing so would help you hide from the love of your life.

Which Tsukki were you getting today?

You heard a quiet curse and the sound of his steps coming closer and closer to the bedroom. You've been with him for so long, you could practically hear the frustration in his gait. 

Today, he was the Tsukishima that would jab at your flaws.

"Everyday is a losing battle, and it feels like I'm losing a piece of me each time."

It hit him like a freight truck. His small frustrations piled up inside of him, and cracks were forming in his stoic facade. 

Each crack that formed in his tough outer shell, he'd attempt to patch up by lashing out on you. As if pouring the poison inside of him onto you would free the burden from his shoulders and cover up the holes he so desperately wanted to hide.

One quip about the dirty dishes in the sink. Another sharp remark on the laundry left in the dryer. And then a complaint about your skincare scattered across the bathroom sink. 

Finally, a long drawn out lecture about how all you do is lay in bed all day when you should've been making yourself useful.

Each word he spit at you added more weight on your heart. Before he realized what he was doing to you, you had collapsed under the weight. 

He stood three steps in front of you, your head buried in your hands as you sat at the foot of the bed.

"I'm tired of feeling this way," you had whispered between tears. "I'm tired of loving you."

The fractures in his shell grew larger, deeper, reaching into the crevices of his inner self. He could feel the coldness seep into his bones as you cried, each tear acting like a small hammer, tapping tapping tapping at his fragile shell.

An apology sat lodged in his throat, as it always did whenever he saw your tired eyes and forced smiles.

What an idiot. He ignored the signs on purpose. He subconsciously went out of his way to avoid looking you in the eye when he reprimanded you. He wanted to hurt you the way he was hurting, but he wasn't even brave enough to watch the damage he had done.

And so you left him.

You left him standing in that same spot, three steps in front of the foot of the bed, while you shoved whatever you could fit in a carry on. His gaze remained fixed on the ground as he listened to your quiet sniffles, the sound of the suitcase being zipped shut, and the soft click of the front door as it closed behind you.

Even as you walked out of his life, he couldn't gather the courage to watch you go--witness the damage he had done to you first hand. 

Tsukishima Kei was a coward.

"Thank you for showing me what love is."

What made you fall for him in the first place? He was crass, rude, dishonest about his feelings, and never the affectionate type. He didn't deserve love.

But you gave it to him regardless. You insisted he was worthy of love. You proved it to him through the way you’d hold his head to your chest when his body and mind were too worn out to speak. You proved it to him through the little sticky notes you’d leave on the fridge to encourage him to have a good day. You proved it to him when you’d press a kiss to his forehead before you left for work in the morning even while he laid half asleep in bed.

Sitting on the couch, he could almost imagine you there next to him, your knee barely touching his own under the throw blanket. He’d turn his head to try and catch your gaze, and you’d look over at him with a smile.

He shifted over to lean closer to you, and the smile on your face morphed into the teary, tired one you wore as you left him. He remembered that he was the one who tossed your love aside, and the illusion of you faded before his eyes, leaving him alone with his regrets.

He taught you that love was fickle and conditional.

“I’m glad I loved you, Kei.”

Fell so deep we couldn't see Maybe we were never meant to be One day I'll just be a memory and you'll be better Better off without me

[doin-just-fine]

MAJOR UPDATE: Questioning systems or systems in a doubt spiral pls read.

I recently told my therapist about potentially being a system. This was a scary move because she has previously had some iffy takes about systemhood. But I told her because I trusted that she would meet me where I was at and help me navigate , at the least, the general idea of not understanding my own brain if nothing else which I was ok with. I told her and it went as expected. I explained why I thought I might be a system but also the doubts I had about it and how it was distressing me to not understand myself. She agreed to use the language I was using for it and was happy to help me through (as is her job) and also because whether it was systemhood or not it was something in me that was trying to be seen and we would work on figuring out what it was.

Fast forward a few session, and I was going through another bout of "what the fuck even is my brain". I was starting to realize that my "systemhood" is very different from the things I've been seeing online. In the ways that it's different to other systems is: - I'm always in the front, always in the captains chair - I have no amnesia because I never switch out - My hyper-vigilance never lets me dissociate fully though i definitely "check out" in my own way - Head mates just feel like vague ideas or emotions

But the ways that are similar are: - These vague ideas or emotions have opinions and feelings that are different from my own. - Though they are vague, I can definitely tell they are separate from what I have come to understand as "me" - I become "a different person" in the sense of my attitude, vibe, behavior, and opinions change from where they were 5 mins ago, but I am still me, just a different me.

Anyway, I was already trying to make sense of all of this and was not planning on talking about it with my therapist because nervous... However, my therapist ask me about it first. She asked some clarifying questions about my partners system vs my own and how they are different. When I explained what I just wrote above to my therapist she said "Thats what I thought and I owe you an apology."

Basically, my therapist, like any good therapist should when confronted by something they don't know a lot about, had been doing research on complex forms of trauma and coping. Things in the same vain as CPTSD and Plurality including those two topics. She had specifically been reading a book called "The Body Keeps The Score" (TW it is a book about trauma and studies of trauma so it has details of case studies that some people may find incredibly triggering). I did some research on what exactly the book was talking about in regards to "systemhood" and from what I've found, chapter 14 at the end of a section called "Writing to yourself" and the first parts of chapter 17 have interesting information regarding systemhood and how its not entirely limited to things that are diagnosable like DID or OSDD. It seems to talk about how we all have several selves and trauma can get in the way of those selves communicating effectively. My therapist told me about this book and what she learned from it and apologized to me because the book made her realize that she was wrong and that I was in fact a system....

The session ended and I just kind of sat there... not sure how to feel but definitely feeling relief and validation.

After doing research on the book to write this I have some words of wisdom. If you are a questioning system or are doubting your validity remember this: The human brain is so incredibly complex and no one actually understands how it does anything beyond its basic physical functionality... the conceptual abilities of our mind are a mystery. How we define self is just theory. If you don't fit into boxes, labels, identities, or diagnoses that does not mean your experiences aren't real. You are going to be ok. Understand YOUR mind and how it works for YOU, not through a label or diagnosis. If those things come later, great! Do not let them destroy you just because you don’t fit perfectly. I am a system. Simply. No types, labels, or diagnosis. I am a system. I have a unique experience because my brain is no one elses. I am a system. I may not have people in my head in the traditional sense but I'm also not alone up here either. I am a system. I am a system. I am a system. Nobody has the right to deny me this for they do not live behind my eyes.

As I understand myself: I am a system.

[waltzingwithyourenemyattheball]

PICK A CARD: THIS MESSAGE WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE

Left: 111; Right: 333

Disclaimer:

🪈 Take what resonates and leave the rest

🪈 Disclaimer in highlight applies here

🪈 Thank you for letting me read for you, it has been a pleasure

🪈Personal readings are paid only.

🪈No one is allowed to copy my work under any circumstances.

✨111✨

You live life in defined stages, set in their ways, dislike change. Anal personality, structured, to-do lists that must be crossed off and any step out of the system creates irritation. You are doing something you don’t want, to get something you don’t want, simply because you once decided. You are being told to embrace partnership, learning how to dance would help, choose a dance style in which it involves two people going in a rhythm like salsa. This will help with adaptability and flexibility which you really need. Tightness in body will be gone to. You take the road taken while yearning for adventure, you think, but you never act. hesitant energy due to defeated mindset: first the world defeated you and now you defeat you. You need love, you like love, you crave love and affection but darn it if you show this. You crave intimacy. You like to seem tough. You want softness. A go-getter. Someone who says they don’t have time for love and will focus on their career. A free thinker who doesn’t like changes. Theme of  love life: opposites attract like rebel meets high school sweetheart, princess and the frog, forbidden romance. Loyal to a fault. MAIN MESSAGE: Embrace partnerships especially romantic, it will change your life. Don’t rush but embrace, go out on dates, meet people, BE VULNERABLE. Now listen carefully: there is no shame in wanting to be loved, it’s the most human thing to feel. Work on this and many of your problems will vanish, like literally be banned from your life. 

COMMENT ‘111’ To claim this! 🌙DM for a personal tarot reading🌙

✨333✨

*If all this isn’t happening currently, it means you must make it happen* NEW BEGINNINGS. All the conflict and shame is in the past, all the cold wars, all the over analysis, complaining and gossiping, all the plans are out the window. It is a fresh new start. ‘Beautiful’ by NCT might be relevant for you. You have worked hard to save relationships, biting your tounge and all to the deterioration of your own happiness. No more. You are done. You are done in a good way. ALL YOUR focus and all you energy is being invested in changes, changing decor, moving homes, letting go of the stuff in your house that doesn’t bring you joy, a de-clutter. It’s like moving into a new environment where no one has a pre-concieved notion of who you are, so you can begin anew. You can be who you want to be. You are being told to not rush the process, it might already be at a good velocity, learn from your past but not let old experiences get in the way of making new ones. LEAVE THE BAGGAGE. CUT CORDS. It seems like you are moving away from family and siblings for some of you. A year from now, it’s a different story, a good one. CHANNELED PHRASES: new home, relief, reminiscing past as simply past with no negativity. You are a hard worker and it will be rewarded and I know you are tired of hearing the word patient, but you will be rewarded soon. Fight for your place in the world, don’t let people walk over you. Remember Energy flows where attention goes, if you constantly keep replaying the past in your head like a cassette and its like asking ‘Why won’t the music stop when I hit replay’, its because you are replaying it, and harbouring resentment. LEARN TO FIGHT BACK. Don’t show the other cheek, and make do. Make the best of the situation but that doesn’t mean you let go of your rights, please communicate your desires and work towards it, instead of running away from conflict.   COMMENT ‘333’ To claim this! 🌙DM for a personal tarot reading🌙

-

EL TAROT

[harfanfare]

Rollo Flamm x Reader || Rhythm

Warnings: Understated jealousy (?), Reader can’t dance (wants to, though), provisioning of unrequired love, female reader.

The girl that dances atop the stage is really pretty.

It’s not you, and with some kind of regret, you concede you’ve never properly learned to dance.

The girl is more beautiful than the starry night above the City of Flowers because she feels like a dream. Stars will be tomorrow too, but her? No one knows, so all eyes are on her, to balm each’s heart with her sight.

Her steps are graceful and the way she moves is enchanting. It’s not an easy choreography either - with so many jumps and twirls and turns - but she makes it seem so because a smile never leaves her face. The fabric of her dress follows her faithfully, and you imagine she will look incredible in every photo taken of her.

“She’s so… beautiful,” someone next to you breathes with awe.

You believe Rollo thinks so too.

Even if the thought of never being looked on like that stings, you can only blame yourself as he didn’t want to come here at all. When you suggested checking out the show that is being held in a Topsy-Turvy Event Hall, Rollo scolded you for distracting yourself. It might be a Friday evening when most of the students are already headed to the dormitory, but the work of student council members is never done. Before the weekend, at least.

Your whingeing has been guerdoned: Rollo agreed on taking a break. He was hesitant while doing so, and almost annoyed at the cheery smiles that appeared instantly on three faces, yours, the vice president’s and a school treasurer’s. The papers and cups of cold tea were left instantly, and in the next few minutes, all four of you were heading down the staircase.

…

A square is crowded every season with tourists, so neither you nor Rollo is surprised that the two other students got separated from you before even reaching the main stage. You are thankful for their attentiveness because it allows you to be alone with Rollo.

“They are selling enchanted drinks again!” You exclaim, pointing to a stall with indigo macrame hung around a tent. Some attractions were opened at certain seasons a year, and you remember the elixirs being a hit last year.

“It looks like so,” Rollo states flatly. “I wonder why people are so fixated on this kind of never-lasting things.”

Knowing Rollo is a man of harsh words, you brush off his comment.

Blue potion with edible glitter — you are sure it’s edible glitter because most of the useful mixtures are rather lustreless — catches your eye. It looks like a piece of starry sky tucked into a glass bottle. It’s also supposed to help you with your studies if you drink it, so it’s even more magical.

“Would you like to try one? This one helps you focus… But, yeah, I guess you already can do that perfectly,” you pick up the next vial. “Oh, after drinking the yellow one, you should be able to sing more professionally! And the green one is for rhythm… I would need that one. Yet, the most interesting one here is-”

- a love potion.

Even the vial is heart-shaped. The mixture inside is either pink or purple, you can’t really define it because of the amount of bubbles that constantly stir the mixture. You might not be the best alchemy student ever, but even you know that that potion has some enchanting aroma that might bind your senses.

Maybe that potion is your only chance ever to get with Rollo. Your heart is heavy at the thought of enchanting him to love you.

“I have no intention of buying anything,” Rollo’s curt voice slings you from your thoughts. He takes vials from your hands and puts them back, any moment ready to push them out of his mind. “Anything but croissants. I can treat you to one of those.”

…And that’s how you get free food, dear students.

“Will you? Thank you, thank you, thank you!” You would love to hug him, Rollo is… Rollo probably wouldn’t appreciate this kind of gratitude in the middle of the street. Or wherever. It’s hard to imagine Rollo being happy about a hug as he seems unused to physical contact, yet that might be a reason why you should try to open him up.

For a last moment you think about the enchanted concoctions, but Rollo turns around and you need to catch up to not get separated from him.

Way to his favourite bakery Rollo knows by heart. He guides you through the crowd and it’s easy to follow him as he stands taller than most people, the distance being even larger when you count his hat. He glanced over his shoulder to check if you were still beside him after you get out of the most crowded area.

“We’re here,” Rollo announces as if you hadn’t been accompanying him to the bakery whenever you had a chance. He strides to the counter, where several types of croissants under a glass cover are creating a delicious exhibition. “Choose whatever you like.”

It's a very tempting offer, and you decide to take it once you glue yourself to the glass of a counter.

“I…” You start, pointing at two specific desserts. Two croissants with your favourite fillings are too delicious to pick between them. “Can I get two? I will treat you something in return, once I'll have money on me.”

“You’ll get a stomachache,” he says curtly but slides his card to a lady behind a counter that picks up another baking for himself, halfway dipped in chocolate and topped with cut-dried strawberries. “Be careful. They’ve been just taken out of the oven, so you’d better don’t burn yourself.

“Thanks.”

You let yourself bite into the device, as you take another turn, this time the way leading into the main square. There is a grand scene that is always used for music performances.

There is one being held, a solo.

You glance at the dancer, and they look around the crowd. You think there are your two missing clubmates, and beckon Rollo over.

“Hey, there are—”

…

Your surprise silences you.

Rollo stays planted on the ground, eyes on the dancing girl with something like awe. You know that look. You caught a glimpse of it many times on the surface of the glass in student consul’s showcases; your face, so desperately stretching in a soft smile, not to look suspicious.

For the first time, you didn't like the idea of love at first sight.

…

You know where it’s time to step out. Many negotiations you held with people on behalf of students of NBC sensitised you to their expectations and what you should do.

You smile weakly, before gently tapping Rollo on his arm. “I… will get going.”

But Rollo, amazingly, has already shaken off from mysterious enchantment. If you could only do so as easily, permanently. “Are you sick?” He asks, and when you avoid his eyes, his tone voice drops half a tone. “What happened?”

“Nothing, it’s… Can… I… just go?”

“What happened?” Rollo repeats. His eyes scan you, the first time quickly, and when he doesn’t find anything visible, he gets more alarmed, actually looking stiff. “Did you actually burn yourself? I told you to be careful.”

You don’t know what to tell him but start with a measurement that doesn’t bring him any relief.

“It’s not that, Rollo. I…”

“Do tell.” He insists, although if you said a word, you know he wouldn’t question you any more about this. But he would find out in some other way, and he might think you don’t trust him enough - and this implication you really want to avoid - and… “Tell me.”

…And you want to believe that he’s worried for you.

You stare at the ground, and clasp your hands behind your back once you notice their subtle shaking. Why are you reacting this way? Ahh… “I just don’t enjoy dancing. I think I will just return to school and finish organizing the documents…”

“You’ve always liked to see people dance though.”

So he has noticed.

“I don’t have a talent to dance myself.”

“You just need to learn,” he says, his tone softer than you’ve ever heard him. And as you’ve been listening to his voice o lot, you think you might’ve imagined it. Rollo glances at his watch and urges you to come with him. “It’s almost time to ring the bell. Let’s go. I will help you.”

…

You don’t like climbing the bell tower, and going up hundreds of steps isn’t something easy even with Rollo as your motivation. It’s the anxiety that keeps you going.

“I didn't buy the enchantment, though,” you break the silence, and Rollo looks over his shoulder. He is one step in front of you, and he probably slowed his pace to let you catch up to him easily. He’s a master of climbing stairs and ladders after all. “To dance. The bell won’t do anything if… I don’t have any magic on me, no?”

“Don't depend on these kinds of things,” he grumbles. “If you do, you will never achieve anything. For example, if you drank the potion, of course, you'd know how to dance. But just for tonight.”

You question his motivational quote. “But isn't the magic helpful sometimes?”

“It makes one fully depend on it.”

And the conversation ends here because you’ve reached the top platform. Rollo opens the trapdoor and holds it for you. As you step out, you’re immediately hit with a breeze of cold air, but it’s more kind of refreshing than freezing.

Once the trapdoor is closed, Rollo awaits, frozen for a clock-measured minute and three seconds.

And then he rings the bell. It takes much force to move it, and you are almost sure Rollo doesn’t even boost his strength with magic. But, what’s unexpected, this one time he uses magic to repeat the movements of the bell and have it ring on its own.

DING- DONG.

DING- DONG.

DING- DONG.

He leaves it to ring at the same tempo and turns to you. The magical earplugs in your ears only moderately muffle the sound of the bell. No music from the Topsy-Turvy Event Hall reaches you anymore. You can only hear the rings clearly, and wouldn't hear Rollo if he said anything.

He doesn't even try to, and without even a shred of a smile, he takes your hand in his.

DING- DONG.

His right hand wraps around your waist, and the fingers of the left one intertwine with yours. He stands taller than you, mighty, righteous. His gaze lingers on you as if he judges you.

It’s never a fair judgement, because the slightly offbeat of his heart drives his reason senseless.

He takes the first step to the back, and you follow along.

DING- DONG.

Rollo's movements are fluid and graceful, yet precise and purposeful. He leads you with ease, his body guiding yours. Waltz is a dance that emphasises the partnership, but with you not knowing the steps, it feels to you like some sort of majestic tango.

You’re overpowered within the first seconds of dance.

DING- DONG.

DING- DONG.

Step, step, DING, turn, step, turn, DONG.

You know your cheeks are flushed, and you blame the height and cold wind for it. Maybe it is a tiring dance, and you believe it’s acceptable to be this tired yet happy if you are dancing for all of eternity. It feels like the bell started to strike the omnipresent tempo a lifetime ago.

Rollo knows when your waltz-tango should end. He stops the chime with a fluid movement of his hand, magic stopping the well-kept rhythm from a bell.

BA-DUM, BA-DUM.

Your heart maintains the tempo. Even if each beat is strong and loud, you worry about how it will come to a halt at any second.

“I’m surprised,” he starts, sounding unsurprised but kind…-ish, “that you aren’t in a dance-related club yet.”

You cock your head to the side. “Is this a… sarcasm?”

“No. I think that musical-related things would suit you better. You could dance on that grand stage we approached earlier.”

“Like that girl?”

Rollo frowns. “What girl?”

…He doesn’t remember? How could anyone forget for a second about a person one has fallen for? You couldn’t. You can’t. You’re dumbfounded.

“A dancer. On a stage. Today.” Rollo looks more confused with each suggestion. “She was dancing to a… fast music in a flowy dress?”

“Ah,” finally, recognition sparkles in his eyes. A wave of relief is followed by anxiety, but Rollo shrugs your both overwhelms off, with a flick of his hand. “Yes, like her or… even better. The piece she danced to would fit you if you only embrace your passion. I think your performance would be more dreamy.”

You chuckle.

“If I would do that, what would you do without me in the student council club?” By this slight teasing, Rollo stiffens a little. You place your hand on your chest. “But as your right hand, you can’t get rid of me so easily.”

You swear you see him smiling subtly, and it’s no trick of light.

“As my right hand, you have the power to do whatever you want.”

“Then I want to stay.”

“Hm,” Rollo ponders. As you notice his gaze, you feel as if he’s contemplating which future holds the best fate for you. He lowers his eyelids, sighing slightly. “Is that so?”

“Yes,” you smile. “But if I hold any power like you say, I would like to use it to have you dance with me again.”

“Strange request,” he says curtly but doesn’t deny your request. His follow-up question makes your chest fill with warmth. “Do you know any dances? Except for waltz,” he says as if you could call your ‘waltz’ anything other than pretending to know how to dance.

“Macarena?” You suggest and he looks at you sceptically. In response, you flash him a bashful smile. “No?”

He sighs but takes your hands in his.

“Let me teach you, then,” he says, slowly. “Let’s start with a proper greeting,” but his greeting isn’t proper, because he doesn’t look at you. Because he avoids your gaze, you can have a shameless view on his red face, that must match the temperature with his quickly warming up hands. You always thought Rollo’s hands were cold, until this moment. “An elegant bow…”

He bows and you lift the brim of your skirt in response, trying to copy the fluidity of the curtsy.

He brings your hand up so carefully as if it is made from the thinnest glass, and presses his lips to your knuckles. So cliche, so old-fashioned, but chivalry isn’t dead as it fills you with energy, surprise and some embarrassment that makes you want to live this moment forever. “And a kiss.”

“Now I’m charmed,” You laugh softly, a smile on your face, yet you were mentally prepared to faint. You wonder if doctors would detect you lovesick if your heart actually stopped. “What’s after that?”

Rollo glances up at you, his eyes brighter than ever. He brings you closer to him.

“Let’s talk about rhythm.”

[j0kers-light]

Hey <3 What would Joker think about a reader who speaks lots of languages? Does he speak multiple as well? Would he learn some together with the reader? Or does he not really pay attention to that? Have a lovely day~

Hey hi my love!! 🖤✨

It’s a beautiful day actually and my brain is running a mile a minute to answer this. As someone who is trilingual, (and working on learning more) I find it tricky to answer this ask from Joker’s perspective. 

Because on one hand learning a new language is both daunting and fun; anyone can do it! However it does have a tendency to pinpoint origin and define you as a person. 

Joker knowing a different language (in my opinion) is too risky given his strict, “I have an untraceable past” reputation. If he starts speaking a different language, it can be traced back to his past.

So no. I don’t think Joker would bother learning a different language. He speaks English and sarcasm. Now if it were for the betterment of his Light? He might?

Joker believes that pain translates the same across all languages, so why bother trying to understand what a person is saying as they plead for mercy?

He doesn’t have the need to pick up a new language so English it is!

That all changes when he meets his Bunny who is a foreign speaker. And ohh boy, he wasn’t prepared.

Your accent, the speed in which you talk.. Joker finds it downright sexy! Everything you say has a bit of a kick to it.

He doesn’t know a word you’re saying most of the time and you use that to your advantage when you’re upset with him. 

You stop talking in English and rant in your mother tongue leaving Joker standing there like 👁️🫦👁️

Joker is a certified simp. We know this. He instantly bricks up hearing you speak, especially if you say something during sex that he can’t translate. Horn-Y to the point of no return. 🥵

He is in awe how you speak multiple different tongues in the same conversation, simply because you can. 

One minute you are cracking a joke in English, you pause to listen to someone speak (insert language) and then you reply in a third; effectively blowing J’s mind.

You are constantly translating in your head and thinking of the correct consonants and vowels to use while still engaging in conversation.

It takes a sharp mind and loads of patience that Joker greatly admires. How you do it? He’ll never understand but it’s definitely hot.

Joker finds out that you know to sign and can read Braille too by accident; what are you? A walking Rosetta Stone? At this point what language do you not know?

Imagine his disbelief when he discovers you can sing certain songs in several more languages…

Joker dubs you his Google translate and if he needs assistance, best believe he’s asking for your help. 

You turn to glare at your boyfriend in disdain. He really dragged you out of bed for this. “I don’t know Mandarin, Joker.” You say for the fourth time.

Your response isn’t what J was expecting and his wide grin slowly falls from his face. Tense seconds pass as he hides his disappointment. “Bunny… you know a loT of languages..”

“Yes, but not..” You pinch your nose with a sigh. You are not an automated translator that J assumes you to be. You don't know every language! (that would be so cool btw)

The best course of action is letting Joker's hopes and dreams down softly. “It’s a rather hard and complicated dialect to learn, J.”

“And that mumbo jumbo you sang the other day wasn’t hard?!”

You drew a blank at him cutting you off. “J, what are you talking about?”

“Uhh you sa~ng in the car jusT fine, what's stopping ya now?” He grumbled. It took you a minute to remember what he's talking about and even then, you're still confused.

“Joker. That was Hebrew. Completely different language. Omg, are you really that racist?” You ask.

The poor guy that Joker abducted will just have to wait until you and J finish arguing to confess that he's fluent in English. He's too invested in this discussion to interrupt.

So that was a self insert head canon anon sorry not sorry. 🤣🤣🤣🥴 To clear the air. 

I can speak English, Greek, and Spanish. Although I can read and comprehend Spanish better than speaking it. 😭

I began learning French and Russian when I was in school but dropped it for personal reasons. Oh! I totally forgot that my boss was teaching me Vietnamese for two years back in the day lol.

I can sing certain songs in Hebrew, Danish, Latin, Spanish, French, and Japanese. I also poorly translated a few chapters of a book in German out of desperation until the official release was published in English. 🙃 I'm a menace.

[gotstabbedbyapen]

Hyacinthus Iceberg Meme EXPLAIN (P5)

Part 1 ✿ Part 2 ✿ Part 3 ✿ Part 4 ✿ Part 5

It's time for me to answer your questions about this Hyacinthus iceberg meme. There is a lot to tackle, so I'll divide it into 5 parts for the sake of my sanity.

Quick disclaimer: I am NOT an expert in Greek mythology, just a fan of Hyacinthus who wants to learn about him and anyone related to him. Most of the things I'm about to discuss are just theories and speculations of a passerby on the Internet, so do not take them as valid facts!

Bonus disclaimer: We are now entering the "just a theory" section of the iceberg. While the previous parts have myths and essays to back them up, most of the sections here are theories I made up (or shared with other scholars) and might not always be supported by literature texts.

What is the meaning of Hyacinthus' name?

We know is that "Hyacinthus" is a very old name, because the "-nth" suffix indicates its pre-Hellenic origin, or at least that's what Bernard C. Dietrich's "The Origins of Greek Religion" said (cited on Wikipedia). I haven't found a free PDF version of this book yet so I can't verify myself, but if any of you can, I would really appreciate your input!

Because "Hyacinthus" is very ancient, I have two questions: what is the meaning of this name and or what word/root did it derive from?

According theo Theoi.com, Hyacinthus' name was translated to "Larkspur flower" (as seen below)

However, I suspect this translation was coined much later when the god Hyacinthus had been watered down to a mortal, and the name meaning had been morphed and might not hold true for the ancient Hyacinthus. Or the ancient Hyacinthus name did mean "larkspur" and the myth was written to explain why this god share the same name as the flower.

Who knows!

Hyacinthus is the aboriginal god of Amyclae

This is just me doing some Olympic-level mental gymnastics. I can't remember where or if I've read this theory in any other research before, so you gotta endure my mindless rambling in this part.

With the many evidence indicating Hyacinthus was a pre-Hellenic god with a defined role and worship in Amyclae (Sparta), can he also be the very first god in this land? Here's how I think it's plausible:

According to Pausanias' Description of Greece, in Lacedaemonian traditions, Hyacinthus is a direct descendant of Lelex, the in-myth aboriginal king of Laconia. So what if this is a case of people from the same family line being conflated with each other? It seemed to happen with Polyboea and her great-granddaughter Phylonoe, who were often identified with one another (although this one is still questionable as I haven't found any academic articles).

And there you have it. Hyacinthus and Lelex. There could be a slim chance.

Why was Hyacinthus watered down into a mortal???

Hyacinthus was once a chthonic vegetation god worshipped in Amyclae, so why was he watered down into a mortal (or at best, a demigod) in the now-known myth? Was it because when Apollo's cult came along he was turned into a mortal and killed off to "make room" for the new god? But even then, Hyacinthus was still brought back and worshipped with Apollo as a duo, so why all the changes?

And this is not just a strange transition for Hyacinthus. Ariadne was also an ancient Great Goddess of Crete (even with the super cool epithet "Mistress of the Labyrinth") now became a princess. I wonder if the other mortal heroes, especially the ones that was made immortal later, had the same treatment as well.

Hyacinthus and Apollo are "married"

The word "married" should be put in triple quotation marks because Apollo and Hyacinthus weren't actually married like a gay couple would in the 21st century. What I mean is they are "married" in the sense of sharing a shrine together and are worshipped as a duo. Zeus and Hera, a famous married deity couple, shared a lot of shrines together.

So now we have the Apollo - Hyakinthos cult. Hyacinthus once had a wife (who could be Polyboea, as seen in the next section), but she was replaced by Apollo. What's interesting is that Apollo became Hyacinthus' shrine spouse instead of replacing him, resulting in a male-male duo, rather than the typical male-female duo, with seemingly equal respect. Some would argue they were one and the same.

As to why this happens to Apollo and Hyacinthus, I haven't found articles discussing it yet. I will try though!

Polyboea is either Hyacinthus' OG wife or daughter

I suspect the OG shrine spouse of Hyacinthus - before Apollo's worship came to Amyclae - was Polyboea.

Brother-sister sibling duos in Greek mythology are often depicted as husband and wife, e.g. Kronos-Rhea, Zeus-Hera, and even Apollo-Artemis were derived from a married couple before they became twins. Because Polyboea and Hyacinthus are siblings, were depicted to be carried to the Heavens together, and possibly worshipped in the same shrine and festival (the Hyacinthia), they could have been an ancient deity couple in Amyclae.

Are there any basis on this? Well, the website Occult World cited that "The Golden Bough" by James George Frazer was the one suggested this theory, and I'm still looking for a free PDF to fact-check it (yes, I'm a cheap one looking for free stuff)

I've mentioned the theory of Polyboea being Hyacinthus' daughter in part 4, that is was suggested in the book "Cults of Apollo at Sparta" by Michael Pettersson:

Basically, Hyacinthus the prince and Hyacinthus the father of the Hyacinthides (in part 4) could be conflated with one another, and therefore, the scene of Hyacinthus and Polyboea on the altar relief was depicting a father sacrificing his daughter. But there is also another interpretation in this book: Polyboea, the daughter, is going through a ritual where she went from a maiden to a woman.

The Hyacinthia was also seen as an initiation rite by ancient Spartan, where young boys and girls who attended the festival will leave it as official adults. The boys will become men ready to join the military and the girls will become women ready to enter marriage.

Furthermore, the presence of Demeter - Kore/Persephone - Hades trio and Artemis - Athena - Aphrodite trio might serve as allegories. We know, from part 4, that the former trio was connected to the Hyacinthia because Persephone's abduction myth symbolize the girl-to-woman the transition.

But what about the latter? Well, according to Pettersson:

Yeah, the virgin goddesses Artemis and Athena represent Polyboea's maidenhood stage and Aphrodite, goddess of love and fertility, is her entering the married life of womanhood.

As from the allegories from the gods, along with the preparation for a sacrificed maiden and a soon-to-be-wedded bride being similar, Polyboea's role as the "sacrificed daughter" and the "maiden becoming woman" could go hand in hand.

Of course, the explanation is more complicated than what I just presented, so I really recommend you guys to check out the book itself for a full view!

Who is Hyacinthus before Apollo?

Let's be real, we (admittedly, myself included) know Hyacinthus first as a lover of Apollo, and second as his own person. When we read the myth, it mostly focus on Apollo's conquest and grief, not much about the prince himself.

So it begs the question: who is Hyacinthus before Apollo?

Is he a local god the Amycleans worshipped before the arrival of Apollo's cult?

Is he a real life man with such great deeds that he was deified in the eyes of his people?

What other heroic achievements did he make?

Was he ever known by a different name?

Has he always been Hyacinthus or is this just the final form he took after millennia of changes?

We cannot know for sure, and we probably never will.

In fact, this final part of the explanation series isn't to be answered, but be used as a prompt for future studying of this prince and god of Sparta. As you can see from my iceberg meme and explain series, there is actually a lot more about Hyacinthus than meets the eye. His historical impacts, worship evolution, mythology roles, etc. aren't as well-documented as other characters, so he can be quite obscure or not analyzed as much by the general audience. He was more than just a lover who died.

This is one of the reasons why I love Hyacinthus, studying him is both a thrill and a pain because there is so much and so little to obtain. And I hope my silly brain rot over him will inspire you to learn just a bit more about my favorite Spartan prince.

THE END

[shibaincubus]

How to use data collections to level up

Researching how to level up in various directions is a good way to get a direction in how to change your life, how to glow up etc. But most of the time these resources just get liked, pinned, saved etc. and we forget these resources and just collect more without processing them.

A data collection is very helpful for getting to know yourself better through various learning experiences you've made, because you will not forget these ever and have a organised space to evaluate and make a analytical customised approach to levelling up.

EX: Hair

-> You want to improve your hair so you're collecting tips on how to heal your hair. Some of it works and some of it doesn't. You're trying to remember all the things that work for you and write some of it down. Since you do not want to loose the whole thing you still have everything saved. And the lines of helpful tips and unhelpful tips get blurred because not everything in one post is 100% for you .

Definition: What is data collecting generally

Data collection is a systematic process of gathering and measuring information on targeted variables to answer relevant questions and evaluate outcomes. This process is essential across various fields, including business, academia, and government, as it provides the foundational data needed for analysis and decision-making.

The steps of data collecting:

Decide what data to gather

Establish a deadline for data collection

Select a data collection method

Gather information

Examine your information

creating a data collection to level up

-> Organising

In the first step we are organising our saved recourses. This makes us aware of what we really need to collect. This means we are categorically looking for every post that you've saved and decide if it's important, only a bit is important or it is not important/other posts have the same/better points.

I would also make categories in a notes app. This could be notion, the mobile notes app, word, in a notebook etc. It's about what you prefer.

EX: Categories: Study techniques, Glow up, fashion tips/inspo, - finances etc.

-> Evaluating

After organising your resources you should categorise them in the categories that you created and just put a link to the Original post inside in your notes at first.

They are a reminder for what value a post gives when you're having a break.

Then you go to each post and look what tips etc. you truly like and want to apply to yourself.

After analysing a post you're deleting the link and paste the information in the right category.

-> Examining

Now you have a lot of individual tips in a category but they are not sorted.

To sort them you can look in what phase they are.

EX: Improving your studies

In studying and getting better marks there are 4 phases

before school

in school

after school

exam season

Each one of these phases has different needs for you to level up different processes.

So these would be undercategories in which you sort your collected tips in.

Now you have a starters data collection.

-> Planning and Consistency

Especially in the start you have essentially just collected tips that might work for you but the real essential data is not defined yet.

data is what 100% works for you and levels you up in one category.

So the best approach to extract this data is to systematically try out all the tips that you collected in your starter data collection. Highlight those who help you and delete those who doesn't.

[hlficlibrary]

HL Fic Library 😎🤓 Popular Louis/Nerd Harry Fics

Remember to leave kudos and a comment on the fics you enjoyed to show your appreciation! You can find the library's other recs here.

😎 This Offer Stands Forever  by Tomlinsontoes / @pianolouis {M, 78k}

Harry is who high school kids would define as a nerd, he loved going to class and studying, he was just good at school work and saw nothing wrong with liking it. He signs up to tutor students at the middle school down the road where he ends up helping Lottie Tomlinson, younger sister to the ever popular and gorgeous Louis Tomlinson who is also a senior and in a few classes of Harry's. Harry might have a crush on him and not so sure how to act around Louis but hopes he can get close to the other boy and learn everything about him.

🤓 Want You More Than A by TheCellarDoor / @donotdialnine {M, 77k}

Falling in love with your step-brother’s best friend is a disaster enough. When he happens to be the boy everyone loves and you’re a nerd who wears sweater vests and cries during rom-coms, it takes it to a whole new level.

😎 I hear you calling in the dead of night by Thelonelycoast {M, 72k}

No one really notices Marcel Styles. In fact, Marcel’s so invisible that if his teachers don’t call on him in lessons - and they rarely do - Marcel can go whole days without speaking to anyone other than his mum, his sister, Gemma, his cat, Dusty and the school librarian, Alma. And if he just so happens to have a tiny, miniscule crush on the footie captain, Louis Tomlinson, well, that’s no one’s business but his own. Until Louis notices him back...

🤓 Webs of lies by Hazzaslittle28 {E, 35k}

"Truth or Dare?" The question was delivered with a nasty smirk from Drake's side,

"Who do you think I am? Of course Dare." Louis scoffs before leaning back and adjusting his skirt,

"Very well than. Your dare is to play Styles for two months until the dance." Louis frowns at the odd dare,

"Why would you- you know what? Okay I accept it. Louis Tomlinson never looses a dare." He smirks sultrily before plucking the cigarette from Drake's mouth and taking a drag out of it.

"Let's see then."

Or The au in which The popular is given a dare to date the nerd, hearts will be broken, words will loose their meaning and tears would be shed.

😎 The Library Universe (series) by @allwaswell16 {E, 33k}

Harry Styles has a great life. He’s a children’s librarian at the New York Public Library, he’s got wonderful friends, and he loves cooking, green tea, yoga, and his collection of bow ties. He doesn’t mind that his life seems a little structured, maybe even a little boring. But when Louis Tomlinson joins the library staff as the new Installation Coordinator, things become a lot less predictable. Louis gets under his skin right from the start, bossing Harry around, making noise during story time, and eating the last cupcake in the staff lounge. Louis may be almost offensively attractive, but Harry will not be succumbing to Louis Tomlinson’s charms, even if the rest of the library staff have.

🤓 Supposed to Be by kikikryslee / @flamboyantommo {M, 26k}

“I’m making a movie for a film competition, and I want you to be in it,” Harry told Louis. “I think you would be a great leading actor in it.” “Why?” “Because it’s you. I mean, who wouldn’t want to know all about the amazing Louis Tomlinson? It would be a great movie.” “You don’t have some weird crush or, like, secret obsession with me, do you?” Louis asked. Harry bit his tongue so he didn’t say “Ew, I have standards.” He didn’t think that would go over well. Of course, that was assuming Louis understood what that meant.

Or, the Geek Charming AU where Harry's a film geek, Louis' a popular jock, and they both need each other to get what they want.

😎 He Was a Different League (When I Was Nothing Much) by @afangirlfantasy {NR, 21k}

Sick of being alone, Marcel is forced (by Niall) to join an online dating app. The idea is well and all, except for the inconvenient fact that he hasn’t moved on from his childhood sweetheart - Louis. If only Marcel could learn to let go, he might actually be able to love again.

Or, an AU where finding that 'someone new' actually leads to finding that 'someone old,' and Marcel is painfully oblivious.

🤓 taken by lust’s strange inhumanity by CuckooTrooke / @larrydoinglaundry {E, 20k}

One of the reasons Harry said 'yes' in the first place was because he believed Louis Tomlinson, the campus’ most notorious “bad boy”, would be here.

And much to Harry's triumph and dismay, Louis is here but the last time Harry got a glimpse of him, he had a pretty omega wrapped around him, clinging onto the flaps of his leather jacket while nosing his scent glands.

Maybe that’s just the story of Harry's life; always infatuated with the wrong people.

OR The one with all the jealous snarling, awkward first kisses and one unforgettable night.

😎 Won't Keep You My (Dirty Little) Secret by @lovelykits {E, 16k}

“I got asked out today,” Louis comments. “Okay,” Harry shifts. “Did you hear me? I said I got asked out.” "You always get asked out.” “Yeah well this time they didn’t believe I had a boyfriend!”

Or Louis and Harry have been together since the end of last year and somehow no one knows about it.

🤓 Kings by dolce_piccante / @haydolce {T, 13k}

Marcel receives an invitation to his ten year high school reunion, which brings up some painful memories of his youth. His lifelong best friend and roommate, Louis, is as supportive and kind as ever, but Marcel still has hesitations. Louis was Prom King. Marcel...was not.

Will Marcel make the reunion a night to remember with his former classmate, Zayn, who is newly wealthy, handsome, and reveals his childhood crush on Marcel? Or will Louis finally realize what everyone else has known all along?

😎 blinded me with sweater vests by veterization {T, 13k}

Marcel really is the geekiest person Louis has ever seen with that gelled hair and that horrendous sweater vest, so it sucks that Louis really, really wants to get to know him.

🤓 A Real Work of Art by @lululawrence {NR, 11k}

“I don’t understand,” Liam said for probably the fiftieth time in ten minutes. “You have to explain again how this is a bad thing.”

“Leeeeyummm,” Harry whined into the phone as he leaned his head onto his desk. “I felt like this year was my year for getting his attention, you know? That senior year I would finally get Logan Thompson to realize I exist! But he’s in almost every single one of my classes, Li. How am I supposed to survive that?”

“Easily,” Liam answered, with the same matter of fact tone his voice always took when Harry was in one of his fits. “He doesn’t know you exist, so it shouldn’t be a problem. Right?”

Or the one where Harry calls on an old friend, the super popular Louis Tomlinson, to help him change his look to capture the heart of Logan. Things only mostly go as planned.

😎 your heart is glowing (and i'm crashing into you) by orphan_account {T, 11k}

If this were a fairytale, maybe even a Young Adult novel or a chick flick, this would be the moment where Louis would stare right into his soul and whisper, “You. It’s you, Harry,” before pulling him in for a kiss right there and then in the middle of the sidewalk. They’d confess their never-ending love for each other then hold hands for the rest of the walk home, and then they’d go to uni together and become the ultimate power couple of their campus. They’d start a family together a few years after they graduate, find a large house somewhere nice and preferably warm, get two pet dogs and five cats, and then adopt enough children to start a football team. If only men could get pregnant as well, Harry thinks wistfully. He’d love to carry Louis’ babies given the chance.

But. This isn’t a fairytale, nor is it a movie based off the latest YA bestseller. This is real life.

(harry is in love with love, volunteers to hand out valentine gifts for a week, and somehow becomes the football captain's secret admirer.)

🤓 I could give you what you deserve. by larryaresoulmates {E, 8k}

Louis is popular, Harry is his super nerdy tutor. Louis is the only one who's actually nice to Harry despite his nerdiness. Harry has a giant crush on Louis, but Louis has a boyfriend, who bullies Harry behind Louis' back.

😎 Convalescent Boy (with a Heart of Gold) by LadyLondonderry / @londonfoginacup {T, 7k}

Just as the professor beginning to mess with his powerpoint, the door at the back of the balcony creaks open and Marcel looks back to notice Louis Tomlinson, The Louis Tomlinson, slip in and take a seat in the very back.

Marcel is starting to feel like his life is a comedy. Only yesterday was Louis Tomlinson on his floor at the library. Now he’s in his seminar. What is happening?

“Hey Mars,” Nick says, not particularly quietly as he leans over. “Isn’t that your crush?”

Marcel smacks him.

Or, the one where Marcel is a nerd who loves to learn but loves to go to theatre productions even more, and may or may not have a long time crush on the lead in most of the plays, Louis Tomlinson. The same Louis Tomlinson who seems to be appearing wherever Marcel is. Funny, that.

🤓 Seems You Cannot Be Replaced by QuickedWeen / @becomeawendybird {M, 5k}

Harry and the popular boy in school, Louis Tomlinson, share a tension-filled night together when they're young. Fifteen years later they see each other again.

😎 it's kinda hot in here by ballsdeepinjesus {E, 3k}

“Is that a moth on your stomach?”

or nerdy harry is hiding some stuff under his dorky clothes and louis fucks him in a locker room

🤓 Lucky by @friendofhayley {E, 4k}

When Harry had moved from London to New Jersey he had been prepared for bad spray tans and Regina George. He hadn't been prepared to meet the best thing to ever happen to him.

If only he hadn't worn an ugly brown vest covered in cat pee when he met him.

😎 No Matter What They Say by ivorydreams {M, 3k}

It's not that Harry and Louis are hiding the fact that they're in a relationship. It's not them being ashamed of each other.

People just never noticed.

Or the one where no one knows Harry Styles, the 'nerd', and Louis Tomlinson, 'mr. popular football captain', are in a romantic relationship.

🤓 ❤ For Effort by @fallinglikethis {G, 2k}

When Harry Styles lets his team down during gym class, resulting everyone having to run laps, he expects the worst. But the backlash never comes.

Harry's crush, Louis Tomlinson, may or may not have something to do with that.

[snowblack-charcoalwhite]

I just want to know what Ewan meant by Aemond being gray this season as opposed to being completely black last season (which he wasn't). Aemond's "different shades" so far have only been shades we've already seen in s1, he actually had more emotions after Luke's death than he did in s2 and we saw glimpses of his vulnerability in ep9. He even felt grief for Viserys of all people (confirmed by the script). Was Ewan really talking about the two brief brothel scenes that took less than two minutes of screentime? And if Aemond does banish his mother.... That's something I can see the showrunners doing because women must always suffer from evil men, but that's so cartoonish at this point, I can't take it seriously. They can't have Alicent leaving her daughter but they have to remove her from Kings landing before the fall because god forbid show Alicent would defend the city like her book counterpart... This is insane. Why does everyone get new storylines and Emond just becomes a scapegoat for the showrunners who have to take the blame so everyone else gets whitewashed, but he can't even get proper time for his villainy? They're only turning into a boring villain. But I'm just really confused why would Ewan say that one of Aemond's motivations is to make his mother happy (in his mind) if he treats her like that? And that Aemond remembers Driftmark and how she was the only one who stood by him. Or this is another lie from Ewan just like "Aemond's redeeming quality is his loyalty"? I don't like it when the cast is setting the expectations only to subvert it on screen.

Hello!

Right, I (just like pretty much everyone in the fandom, I believe) noticed the discrepancies between the things Ewan said in the interviews and what we have (or haven't) seen on screen. To be fair, it concerns other actors as well (like Tom stating multiple times that Aegon and Aemond love each other no matter what and talking about Aegon's growing respect for Helaena, Fabien mentioning "he wants what she wants" thing about Criston and Alicent, Steve painting Corlys and Rhaenys' marriage in a better light that it actually looks in the show) with Aemond/Ewan situation merely being the most glaring example. And the reason it is the most glaring example is that Aemond IMO got the clumsiest and most meaningless character butchering of them all.

As for the reasons the actors (Ewan among them) keep misleading the viewers, there are several possibilities (that can - and IMO do - coexist):

While I don't think HotD cast are merely parroting the words put in their mouths by HBO team, the latter definitely give them some instructions with regards to the way they are supposed to talk about their characters and the things they need to/can't say. So, in some cases, the actors basically have to deceive the audience.

For some time now I've had an impression that the actors don't have full information on which scenes actually make it to the final version and which get cut before they see the show (once again remembering Matt Smith not knowing about "Daemon fighting Crabfeeder and his army" scene being a silent one for his character). And even if they are actually told beforehand which scenes are included in the show, I think that actors' perception of their characters are influenced by every scene they filmed (and even by some they didn't - but that's point number 3). So, during the promo the cast might take into account some scenes or plot points that we, the viewers, might never even learn about.

Each actor has their own view and opinion on their character - and this view is based not only on the script but on their own thoughts and even headcanons. I believe that is the case for the brotherly love (albeit a "weird" one) that Aegon and Aemond feel for each other according to Tom (by the way, he also mentioned the readiness for backstabbing between them being a mutual thing - define backstabbing) or for Aemond having some kind of love for and loyalty to his brother according to Ewan (define loyalty). In part this also might go for the "coloring" assigned to Aemond by Ewan.

There could be one more adjacent reason - and the saddest one: Ewan is not happy with the way Aemond's story is being told in the show (it could be noticed during several moments in the promo) and was trying his best to make the audience see the Aemond that he sees. And, well, I can't speak for other people (either fans or casual viewers) but I personally don't have it in me to judge him (or any other HotD actor doing the same thing) for it - even though, just like you, I'm not fond of being misled. Imagine giving so much thought, time, energy and love to a character, having high hopes for his development - only to be given... this. Combine it with the point number 1 (at best actors are not allowed to reveal much of what's actually going on with their characters during the promo, at worst they are told to tell lies or half-truths) and the fact that Ewan has very little experience in the 'doing promo' department - and we might just get what we, in fact, got.

[eirinstiva]

“Jolly creatures, small girls, Jeeves”

Good day everybody! Last night I received the second part of "Bertie Changes His Mind" from Jeeves and I laughed so hard that I had to take some hours to write a post.

“Jolly creatures, small girls, Jeeves,” he remarked, after a pause. “Extremely so, sir.” “Of course, I can imagine some fellows finding them a bit exhausting in⁠—er⁠—” “En masse, sir?” “That’s the word. A bit exhausting en masse.”

Girls schools can be very noisy but there are less chances of being pushed by a student than in co-ed and more less than in all-boys. Trust me, I'm a scientist (?) And Jeeves knows that.

“I’d no idea small girls were such demons.” “More deadly than the male, sir.”

Yep, that's true.

“We love it when there are lectures. We sit and stare at the poor dears, and try to make them dry up. There was a man last term who got hiccups. Oh, do you think Mr. Wooster will get hiccups?” “We can but hope for the best, miss.” “It would be such a lark, wouldn’t it?” “Highly enjoyable, miss.”

Bertie, dear~ you don't know what is waiting for you! At least the girls are sitting so they look smaller and less intimidating.

The car is not working (well, it does, but Bertie doesn't know) so Wooster can't escape. Jeeves, you are a brilliant mastermind.

I’m fond of Mr. Wooster, and I admit I came very near to melting as I looked at his face. He was staring at me in a sort of dumb despair that would have touched anybody.

Aww~ Jeeves is fond of Wooster! that doesn't make your plan less naughty.

Mr. Wooster is a young gentleman with practically every desirable quality except one. I do not mean brains, for in an employer brains are not desirable. The quality to which I allude is hard to define, but perhaps I might call it the gift of dealing with the Unusual Situation. In the presence of the Unusual, Mr. Wooster is too prone to smile weakly and allow his eyes to protrude. He lacks Presence. 

I need to learn how to roast somebody in such an elegant way!

Love the illustration of this letter. You can feel the fear in Bertie. Too many girls looking at him and waiting for a speech. Sadly his valet is busy spying him repairing the car.

The cigarettes case? Jeeves has it but it's empty, the cigarettes are in hand of Peggy and her classmates. All of this is the perfect mix for a disaster, and the Woosters know how to deal with that:

“Jeeves!” “Sir?” “Get a move on! Start her up! Get going and keep going!” I trod on the self-starter. “It would perhaps be safest to drive carefully until we are out of the school grounds, sir,” I said. “I might run over one of the young ladies, sir.” “Well, what’s the objection to that?” demanded Mr. Wooster, with extraordinary bitterness. “Or even Miss Tomlinson, sir.” “Don’t!” said Mr. Wooster, wistfully. “You make my mouth water!”

This story opened the Pandora box of my memories in an all-girls school: Girls greeting as a chorus? that's was more notorius than in other co-ed schools. Speech from visitors? yeah, I saw that many times. Visitors getting nervous with a bunch of girls? yeah, that too, mostly men. Singing the school song? I still remember it. Girls stealing cigarettes? yeah, I saw that! I still remember the long reprimands to all the classroom because a teacher found a bathroom smelling like cigarettes.

At least now Bertie values more his bachelor and childless life with Jeeves at his side. Cheers!

[deadtiredghost]

oh sorry I meant your opinion on the character.

I love all the turtles but have differing opinions of them across itterations.

Raphael is such a great character with so much potential and I think that this potential isnt explored enough in any of the series really - though I think the same about all the characters really. I know there is only so much you can include in a kids series etc. which is why we have fanfiction!

Obviously everyone associates Raph with anger issues, but I really dont; I think the first thing that comes to mind when I think of Raph is protectiveness and sensitivity. Raphael definately has issues with regulating his emotions but not much more than any of the other turtles tbh. The main issue with his 'anger' is that he resorts to violence first while others like Leo or 2012 Donnie resort to shouting first. ya know? Siblings argue and are competitive, especially when you live in the sewers with no one but your father and brothers for company. They're teenagers who only really have each other, so of course they're gonna act kinda odd and sometimes innapropriate to us - humans who have grown up in normal society.

When it comes to the canon relationships, I can't see Raph with a human. full stop, I personally dont see him attracted romantically to humans. I enjoyed 12!RaphMona, I like the fact that Raph crushes on a woman who can beat him up, its cute and their relationship is cute puppylove which is refreshing, but I enjoyed it more as an idea than the actual episodes that were shown, sorry I cant get over the betrayal (he deserves to be happy tho). Would have loved more episodes about Mona adjusting to earth - or Raph trying to learn her language and adorably mispronouncing her actual name. On the other hand 03!Raph aromantic anyone? anyone? just me? okay.

favourite itteration of Raph: I love them all equally!(lie) I would love to say I love them all equally but my favourite always will be: 'Don vs. Raph' by Jhonen Vasquez from SDCC (check it out)

In a brief few words I'll include my thoughts across the cartoon series:

(in retrospect: this is not brief. I wrote much more than I intended rip.)

(tldr: I like the Raphs and want more content about them.)

1987 - uses sarcasm and insults as a defense mechanism because they have lived in a world that continuously rejects them despite saving it over and over. When they meet the other itterations in crossovers they are delegated to 'comedic relief' and no one takes them seriously. So of course they're annoyed about everything half the time. Despite this they are probably the only 'passive' Raphael and can take an insult but doesnt enjoy fighting physically - though this doesnt mean they are incapable of it, they're still a ninja. the 1987 slander is large and unjustified, it's great. There is also not a day goes by that I remember that Raph chose to spend their 'last moments' playing superhero for humans who will never accept them - i think this reflects all the Raph's really. they dont want to be monsters they want to be accepted by humans deep down, even if part of them resents humans for all that they have put them through

2003 - his accent and whole demenour is 'cause he enjoyed movies with characters similar to how he presents himself growing up - obvi. I think he would be that judgemental and protective wine aunt over Casey and April's kids. We know he has a soft spot for kids across all the itterations and he would be every kid's favourite babysitter. He is a wine drinker not a beer drinker and no one can convince me otherwise. Casey thought he was an adult for like at least a year because of the way he sounds and talks, and Casey only realised he was a teenager because Raph rejected a beer etc. Raph was a stickler for 'health' as a teenager - like paranoid about junk food, smoking and drinking fucking up his health and ability to fight etc. As an adult he might drink recreationally but I still see him and Leo as the paranoid ones about 'drinking too much' and getting caught unawares by their enemies. or something.

Honestly though on the first watchthrough of 2003 I was happy that they made Raph progressively get more mellow and all that, becuase 2012 Raph's 'anger issues' were handled so badly. But now as an adult I was like... he deserves to be more angry if anything. Like with everything they go through all the turtles realistically should get more and more emotional as they react to the trauma of everything going on in their lives. So I would like to see more fanfic of Raph in 2003 dealing with his emotions which are too strong to control after the series is over, and how he deals with controlling his emotions. He is impulsive and nearly gets himself or everyone else killed quite a few times - I think this is key. We know his greatest fear is himself becoming the person who hurts his family, so I think this self-loathing is a part of how he deals with his anger issues. His main driving force for everything he does is how he wants to protect his family. But is self-loathing a stable and sustainable way to deal with your emotional issues? You decide!

2007 - following on from that, I see 07!Raph as very similar, especially if 07 follows on from the 1990 movies. Raph is depressed and in denail and becoming a vigilante is just as much out of some obligation he feels to justify his existence (to prove he isn't a monster,) and a way to vent his frustrated emotions at everyone and everything. He is angry with Splinter for sending Leo away but Splinter is his father who (is a bit of a shit dad in the movie lets be honest) demands perfection and respect, he is angry with Leo for leaving and never taking their emotions into account (all four of them have been together their entire life, they have never spent a significant amount of time away from each other and something bad could happen to Leo without Raph knowing or being there to protect them), he is angry at Donnie for being gifted the 'leader role' when Raph barely just adjusted to listening to everything Leo said and hates being told what to do by anyone; his dad, his older brother let alone his younger brother/twin (however you want to see their relationship). He is resentful of his brothers for 'making' him be a vigilante alone and he is angry with himself the most for being unable to adjust to this change and for feeling like if Nightwatcher is taken away from him he might have a breakdown -(he will have no outlet for his emotions). Raph = Angry Angsty Emo Boi. But he is still Raph and he is still soft on the inside, he is just a little traumatised from everything and needs therapy. Unfortunately therapy doesn't work if you dont actively want to change.

2012 - the audhd is strong with this one. Unfortunately when I see 12!Raph I just see myself *sob*. This entire family is so traumatised and have no adults in their life that they can rely on. I said his 'anger issues' were handled the worst: I stedfast believe that his 'anger issues' were simply undiagnosed neurodivergence and that the majority of his emotional outbursts were ENTIRELY JUSTIFIED. His entire family call him the 'angry one' and tread on egg shells around him a lot of the time waiting for him to blow up or just expecting him to and having really irritating (to me) reactions to his emotions. for example, when Mikey ruins his stuff on purpose and Leo just tells Raph that 'posessions are fleeting' or whatever. Like sometimes Mikey is just teasing and riling Raph up to get a reaction, normal sibling behaviour, but sometimes they just go overboard - case en point, Leo's comics being used as toilet paper which he then proceeds to beat Mikey up for. All his brothers piss him off sometimes (on purpose I might add) but there is a big difference between a snide comment and ruining someone's possession methinks. I wouldn't do that to my bro and he wouldn't do that to me - but I understand that the turtles grew up with no one but each other and that Mikey tries to joke around for a laugh and/or attention sometimes. But Splinter singles out Raph in training and nothing that anyone says or does actually helps Raph in his attempts to control his emotions. Not out of maliciousness or anything, just that they dont understand him or incorrectly assume where the anger is coming from (in Splinter's case I think he sees himself and all his own flaws in Raph, clouding his judgement). But ya, Raph's emotional crutch was venting to Spike who was his only friend and his beloved pet... and we all know how that turned out. But also he probably doesn't do the same with Chompy because of how Slash turned out. I think he consciously realises that he only talked shit about his family to Spike and thats why Spike incorrectly assumed he hated his family and was better without them, so now, he consciously choses not to do that. I like to think that after everything the entire family get better coping mechanisms becuase April's dad is a therapist, please by god let him be useful for once. 12!Raph is incredibly protective and incredibly paranoid and rightly so with how their lives have gone, but it isnt a sustainable mindset and he will run himself dry with that if he continutes - much like his brothers.

2018 - this is such a fun take on what things might be like if Raph was the eldest! I like to think that biologically Leo and Donnie are older than Raph but Splinter just aged them based on how big they were and how their development went (Raph talked first or something). Raph is more responsible but still the headstrong idiot that we know and love. I think the protectiveness is inherent to all Raph's and all that, but that deffo stems from an accident in his childhood. I'm thinking he got angry or overstimulated and hurt one of his brothers because he is so much bigger and spikier, which leads Splinter to giving him a few books on anger issues or child psychology - this could also be a fun source of Mikey's interest in psychology. Donnie is canonically ASD and Mikey is canonically ADHD, I think Splinter got some parenting books on neurodivergent kids and helped Raph with his own emotional issues better than in the other itterations. Either that or Raph is repressing, repressing repressing - both ideas are fun to write! But then Raph's whole 'Savage' thing, which stems from getting lost in the tunnels as a kid - we have seen before that mutants can go feral when left alone over time like 12!Splinter. etc. ALSO! never forget that Draxum created them as super soldiers which might imply that they have some propensity for violence ingrained in their DNA and all that - possibly why he used animals instead of humans at first.

Raph also probably had no strict education along with the rest of his siblings, and they all definately grew up on more modern tv which I think separates them from their counterparts a bit - more chaotic than uniform. They get that from their father of course. 18 makes jokes that are self aware and this leads me to believe that Raph is very aware of his issues "tire, laceface - my emotional crutches" he has plushies and physical affection that he relies on to help his self-esteem issues (the clothing episode "i'm a disaster" as soon as he faces a tiny amount of criticism). It's all reading really nerodivergent to me - wouldn't supprise me is every single one of the 18!turtles had issues with rejection sensitive dysphoria.

Raph has eldest dughter syndrome of course but I firmly reject the idea that Splinter was neglectful as a father when they were kids and Raph was parentified, because it's canon that Splinter was involved in his kids lives and did a lot of things with them, including lemonade stands which would have to be playing protend as they were in the sewers, and the Lair Games. But Raph is shown to not really know how to deal with his bros (such as using a baby voice with Donnie and trying to baby Mikey etc). I do not think that my beloved Red raised these chaotic motherfuckers.That being said when they got into their teens they become more independent etc. sneaking around as to not worry their dad (same as 2003 where they go against their dad's orders to stay home multiple times) and there is clear evidence for emotional neglect, especially with the twins. (personal info here: I have an anxious attachment style, but both my parents were present and doting my entire life, they were just not exactly what I needed etc. and worked 24/7 throughout my childhood - I see Splinter to my dad, down to the depressed infront of the TV 24/7 as I got older.) Splinter clearly loves his sons, but with Leo being so similar to Splinter personality wise (similar to 12!Raph I think that Splinter has a hard time connecting because he sees everything he hates about himself but of course he loves it in his son and conflicting emotions etc.) and Donnie having a very independent and headstrong personality, I think Splinter misstepped and needs to fix it properly, but wasnt entire shit.

MM - mutant mayhem Raph looks fucking hillarious and I'm so excited to see him in the series. Easily knew I would love him from the trailer and after watching the movie he looks like he has a great relationship with his bros, even if he can be critical of Leo - which is just teenager behaviour. I loved that in MM the turtles acted like kids, because they are kids and thats how kids act. I also anticipate that Raph might be a bit insensitive while getting absorbed in his own things, which I was thinking would be a fun conflict to write of course. He just wants to beat people up and I love that.

Mikey: you have a violence problem

Raph: it's not a problem; its a solution!

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Been a while since we did this: It’s midnight and I’m thinking about six of crows, so let’s chat. I’m currently thinking about the experiences of Wylan and Inej echoing each other on opposite ends of the spectrum of cruelty created by the environment in Ketterdam, because ultimately it’s a system that favours no-one but the men who created it. Even though Inej is a foreign immigrant brought to the country against her will and Wylan was born to one of the richest families in the country, they both suffer greatly at its hands - arguably even in similar ways.

*Spoilers ahead!!!!*

Ok so this particular thought occurred to me a little while ago, and it was first sparked by the conversation Van Eck has with Inej at the beginning of Crooked Kingdom when holding her captive. He tells her he is not “a brute” but has simply “employed the methods you are most accustomed to - threats, violence” and her immediate response is “He sounded like Tante Heleen”. She goes on to remember Heleen’s words saying “Why do you make me do these things? You bring these punishments on yourself, girl”. So of course there’s this immediate link between them, and I would argue that the parallels are perpetuated throughout the novel as well. Quickly want to add as well that it’s really interesting to see Tante Heleen call her “girl”, because although this denies Inej identity and aligns greatly with the way she sobs at hearing her own name said aloud for the first time in a year when she meets Kaz, it doesn’t come across as immediately dehumanising in the way that other epithets used against her, like “little Lynx”, do. But interestingly enough, I actually think that it still is a dehumanising word when it comes from Heleen - because she does not see “her girls” as human. First of all, whenever the children at the Menagerie are referred to as “girls” it’s always in an entirely possessive manner - “your girl will he returned to you” “where is my girl?” “That is not my girl” (these are literally all from one scene, and there are way more throughout the books) - but the idea is only intensified by Inej’s own sentence: “not really people, not even really girls.”. As if “girls” and “people” are two separate entities. As if “girls” are not human. This is the language and the attitude that she was surrounded by at the Menagerie and is still surrounded by in the city, and what was forced upon her throughout her experiences in the country. But you know what else might be a genuinely horrifying little detail of this????? Inej may have actually taught herself that the words “people” and “girls” are not synonymous. Because when Inej was brought to Kerch she wasn’t fluent in the language, she spoke some of it and quickly learnt the rest through circumstance, so if this was the way she heard Kerch people use the word “girl” this is how she would internalise the definition of it. I hope this makes sense I’m not sure if I’m relating my thoughts very clearly, it’s kind of like how Matthias was forced to learn Kerch because he was in a Kerch prison so he doesn’t know words that would easily come to him in Fjerdan, like the snow goggles, but instead of simply having gaps Inej has actually learnt a false grammar system that defines “girl” as a dehumanising term because it means someone who is less than or someone who is property. Anyway, that was quite a tangent so let’s keep going.

I talked quite a lot about Wylan’s experience with abuse in my post about the similarities between him and Kaz so I won’t go into too much detail here (if you want to read that though it’s on my page, it’s called Kaz and Wylan’s Potential to Become Each Other, I can tag anyone who’d like to be tagged) but I want to mention the way Van Eck has conditioned his son to blame himself for everything he’s been through, rather than his father. Wylan actively blames himself, even after he discovers what his father did to Marya he says to Jesper “you don’t understand, it’s my fault” because he believes that Van Eck needed a convenient way of getting rid of her so he could remarry and have a child that he didn’t view as “defective”.

I want to talk about Inej during the bathroom scene in Crooked Kingdom, specifically focusing on the fact that this is really the moment she is most open about her trauma and reveals herself to be at her most vulnerable. Now I could talk for DAYS about the way she expresses herself in this scene in comparison to Kaz and why their vulnerabilities differ in different moments, but I’m trying to stay on track so maybe I’ll talk about that another time, the focus here is that in this moment when she is her most open with another character about what she went through she tells Kaz that “Tante Heleen wasn’t always cruel” and explains emotional abuse and manipulation that Heleen layered with her physical and financial abuse. It so importantly echoes Van Eck’s abuse of Wylan, because ultimately he was always an emotionally abusive and manipulative person. Discovering that Wylan couldn’t read at age 8 didn’t magically switch him from a loving husband and father to the monster we see in the duology, and it is implied that he was abusing Marya in some form prior to sending her away. But Wylan clings to the things that his father did that seem loving, at least on the surface, and blames himself for any problems in his parents marriage - “they argued a lot, sometimes about me. But I remember them laughing a lot too”. (The quote is along those lines sorry I don’t have my book on me right now). This quote always intrigued me because not only does Wylan label himself as the common denominator in any issues they had, he also quickly jumps in to add defence as if their relationship is never supposed to be touched upon or examined too closely. Wylan also says “My father trusts himself first, Alys only so far”, which is really interesting to me because it clearly implies that there is a limit to anything positive Van Eck shares with his supposed loved ones. I don’t think there’s supposed to be any implication that Van Eck is abusing Alys right now, but if you disagree please let me know if be interested to hear it, but I do think that we’re supposed to be aware that he would begin to do so further down the line.

Ok I won’t lie to you guys I’ve kind of lost track of my point, so I’m gonna leave this here for now and if I decide to add anything later then I’ll reblog to continue. If anyone would like to add anything please do, and thanks for reading!

[walrus150915]

The most random out-of-order Nimona headcanons I've scrambled out of my mind and put in my notes as coherent as I could bc there's a LOTTTT

• I don't think Nimona uses specific names to label her sexuality/gender. Was she in love with Gloreth? Maybe she was. Maybe she was not. Does she like boys? Who knows, she sure doesn't. What's her gender? Nimona. That's it

• I think Ballister did try to be the cis ally™ and figure out the label Nimona would use but she'd just shrug her shoulders and say "I don't know, boss, it seems like you care about it more than I do"

• And even though she's NOT a girl, she uses she/her pronouns because 💥YOUR PRONOUNS DON'T DEFINE YOUR GENDER💥 you may use she/her and not be a girl, he/him and not be a boy, I even saw cis people use they/them simply bc they're comfortable. And that's okay!

• Although she's comfortable with people calling her he/they/neopronouns you name it. Just. Not it/its. You know the reasons😬

• Nimona is left-handed and it's CANON actually I am SO HAPPY as a left-handed person she's just like me fr💥💥

• Nimona isn't a big fan of domestic bliss Ambrosius and Ballister spend most of their time in (plus they're very sappy and very much disgustingly in love, Nimona's stoic organism can't handle their mushiness for the dear life), she's like an independent cat I think: comes to hang out, eats, spends time with her father-not-really figures and goes away for weeks only to come back again. She travels the world my dudes✨

• I think she has a bunch of photos from the places she'd been to and talks about her adventures a lot!

• Nimona also is the best cook of the fam I'm afraid. Ballister cooks, like, the bare minimum to serve himself as a functioning adult (rice, salad, pasta, some meat like you know the deal) but nothing too complicated. Ambrosius is a nepo baby who's probably lived in palaces and mansions with dozens of servants do you really think he's good at cooking😭 as he distanced himself from the Institute and moved in with Bal I think he learnt to cook, still not great at it.

• Nimona though? SHE CAN DO *ANYTHING* like she's madly good at cooking. It might look like she's burning the kitchen down only to reveal that she was putting Gordon Ramsay to shame!

Speaking of BallBros

• Ballister's experience is close to a second gen immigrant. Ambrosius's experience is close to a third gen immigrant. They can't be immigrants bc of the context of the story?? I DON'T CARE☺

• Ambrosius doesn't speak his mother tongue except for like a few words or phrases he's heard at home. His older relatives probably make fun of him for it on family gatherings. His parents didn't teach him because they didn't want him to stick out (totally not self projecting here - yeah I'm a third gen immigrant hiii)

• Ballister tho? I think Urdu was his first language but he learned English along the way

• And it kinda mixes in his head so he forgets the words from both languages sometimes and replaces them with the word from the other one (HA my experience again)

• When he's experiencing hard emotions, be it anger, happiness, sadness, or is overwhelmed, he drops English entirely and just starts bantering in Urdu

• Ambrosius didn't know Ballister was bilingual but when he learnt it? He was amazed and I think... Kinda jealous because he didn't get to learn Korean himself (self projection yeahhhhhh)

• "You know your mother tongue? Damn! I wish I did too!"

• That said, Ballister has no idea how to shorten Ambrosius's name (WHAT THE HECK IS THIS NAME BRO WHAT ARE YOU, GOD'S FOOD???), so he sticks to Urdu endearments, "luv" (in the most British accent possible) and "darling"

People who say French/Spanish are the romantic languages are wrong LISTEN TO URDU OR INDIAN LANGUAGES OR ARABIC. THAT'S WHERE LOVE IS DUDE

• Ambrosius has learnt like a few words in Urdu and tries to rizz up Ballister by saying some basic words like "jaan", "mohabbat" and just😭😭😭 fails😭😭😭 because he's a cringefail man😭😭😭

I remember trying to ask out my (NOW EX😔) gf who's Italian by writing "will you be my girlfriend?" in Italian and I used GOOGLE TRANSLATION🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️ SHE UNDERSTOOD THAT I USED GOOGLE AND POINTED IT OUT AS A JOKE BUT I CRINGED AT MYSELF SO HARD..... Ambrosius would totally do that too and Ballister would chuckle and pull him in a kiss bc he loves this cringefail man so much

• Ambrosius also serenades like I KNOW DAMN WELL HE DOES. He goes "this one's for you, Bal" with a wink and sings like the sappiest most disgusting love ballad ever and Ballister tries his best not to laugh because that's his beloved boyfriend but also like.... So cringe. So embarrassing😭😭 Nimona has more balls than her boss so she would outright say that it's cringe

• Also. I don't agree with people saying Ambrosius's a jock because have you seen this man?? He's a theatre kid. The worst kind of theatre kid. Even after not being a kid anymore he's still a theatre kid. BRO IS A HAMILTON FAN UNIRONICALLY, OF COURSE HE IS. He makes weirdass references to musicals and giggles like an idiot

• Can we agree that Ambrosius was an awakening for many teenagers because OOOOH BOY he sure would be mine. Some pop news youtube channel probably has a video of him reading the kingdom's equivalent of "thirst tweets", like yknow this type of vids😭😭

While we're on the topic of thirst tweets

• Diego the squire runs a fan page account with edits of Ballister like he's some pop celebrity

• He also may or may not write self-indulgent "Ballister x reader" fanfiction in his off duty time

• Also hc that when Ballister was on the run he saw some "WANTED" poster of him and hang up on the wall like yeah boy's crush is EMBARRASSING (can we blame him? I'm the same with Riz Ahmed)

• Todd would be on the "straight" side of their equivalent to TikTok. You know the ones with shirtless men with the same haircuts who think they're hot when in reality they're not?? That's what Todd and his friends are up to in their free time *throws up*

To wrap it all up NOT with Todd, some super random ones:

• Ballister and Ambrosius force Nimona to take her shoes off ("DO NOT bring your European nonsense in this ethnic household") in their house even though she doesn't even have boots on😭😭 it's just her skin😭😭😭 so she morphs her form to simply be shoeless😭😭😭😭

• Ambrosius knows how to tap dance. Idk don't question it I just think he does

• Nimona plays piano YEAH SHE DOES she's lived for 1000+ years man she can do anything

• Ballister's hair routine is "genetics, coconut oil n some prayers"

Yeah that's it I'll probably make a part 2 because it's not all... These characters have occupied my mind and won't let it go🧍‍♂️

[daddyelliott1979]

How to help your little become comfortable with Public play

One of my little ones @squirtdaboi asked me to write this as we explore public play within our dynamic.

Firstly let me define what I mean before I get shouted at for including others in kink without their consent.

In this instance we are talking padding, cute outfits and the dynamic itself playing out in public.

I'm going to break this down into a few parts

But my number 1 concern is safety, I'm never putting them in harm's way, I'm not going push them beyond what they are comfortable with.

Safety

Communication

The Play itself

After care and post outing communication

Safety

As a Daddy and Dom I'm always pushing my boys to grow, to expand themselves and be the best version of themselves (in and out of dynamics).

An example, my youngest who asked me to write this and I are starting small, he wears a pull up out, and I will low key talk to him like a kiddo.

He gets very squirmy, usually tells me to shut up (this is part of our dynamic). He gets flustered and a bit embarrassed.

I remind him no one is around and if they heard us they would have no clue what we are talking about. And I use humour to distract him.

I am never going to make him do something dumb like put his Dummy and demand he does as Daddy says; that's an overstep.

However in a recent outting he went out thickly padded, in dungarees, he took his Dummy and in a secluded place he popped it in and asked for a photo.

He felt amazing; I made him feel safe to ask for this- mission accomplished.

Know where you are and who's about before exploring public play! Always think about your little's comfort level and emotions.

I have to do this more because my little has special needs.

Communication

And this brings us to this important aspect, because of his sensory issues we have to talk and plan things more, and I'm more than happy to do.

Communication helps bring its own level of safety, each person knows exactly what's going to happen.

Discussing expectations before embarking on public play, what will.yoy be doing, how will it work and what precautions you might take! Remember safety!

Praise, Praise, Praise, Praise! Can't emphasize this enough! If he does something well, gets out of his comfort zone or does something unexpected - praise the fuck out of him!

Tell him how proud you are, tell him he's the best little boy in the world, and reward him- I buy mine little treats, but you could easily set up a reward system to support him!

Take time when it goes wrong, if he's anxious then take to a quiet space and 'check in", it's great if you have a set of questions that you always ask. This builds consistency and trust!

If you're still learning your little comfort levels you could set up a simple set of phrases where he can communicate "Green, Amber and Red" for example. Quick, no fuss communication is very beneficial; safe words aren't just for the bedroom!

Also reassure them throughout the experience! I tell my little one "doing scary things means you are brave, and being brave builds confidence!

The Play itself

This is best done in incremental steps, baby steps if you will. Start with being padded, or talking to them like a little, whilst in public.

Start with maybe a short walk to a local shop, Or grabbing changing supplies whilst at the supermarket.

Gauge the reactions of those around you and demonstrate no one cares! Reflect back how safe he is.

Be consistent, we are going to do X, and stick to it, don't change it up at the last minute. However if you have built a level of trust then a small additional extra; know your little well though, if change is an issue then don't do it!

And again praise that boy because the more he knows you are proud of him and that you got his back the more confident he's going to be!

The more he's going to want to do!

Again I can't stress enough doing different things each time, but make sure you communicate exactly what will happen! Make it fun and exciting!

After care and post outing communication

One thing to think about is having a strategy if things go wrong. That includes keeping your cool if your little one wasn't able to do what was expected or perhaps got stressed and refused.

Have an exit strategy; where are you going to take them, how will you hug in public or what will you communicate to them?

You're their Daddy, they look at you during stressful situations, they need to know you got them. Maybe they have a small pocket stuffie or comfort item. Maybe go to their favourite cafe for a hot chocolate.

And if it went well, to plan or exceeded your expectations, then praise the heck out of that boy; hesy of just broken through years of fear of repression. He needs to know how God's damn proud you are of him!

Like all aftercare you provide you know what your kiddo likes. Mines definitely about close snuggles and warm blankets, and of course quiet time to process. So he gets all of that once home.

And a bottle because it builds such a powerful bond!

Conclusion

You are building the foundations for his growth, and if you are anything like this Daddy, then you should be invested in the long game!

So little by little, pun intended, you are developing skills and abilities in him that will help in every area of his life; invest in him, and you will help create not only an exceptional little, but an incredible (little) Man!