#and basically crying every day | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

conjuring-ghouls · 10 months ago

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My cat isn't doing well, and it's been insanely hard :(( we could really do with some positive thoughts rn 💖

#this also explains the lack of new content around here #just letting everyone know i didn't abandon my blog #i've just been super anxious and taking care of her 24/7 #and basically crying every day #there's not much we can do and that's incredibly triggering for me #i really just want her to be well and comfortable at this point #tw pet illness

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kavaleyre · 3 months ago

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(wip) I am never going to get over them and their ending I fear

#jayvik #arcane season 2 #arcane spoilers #jayce arcane #viktor arcane #arcane fan art #jayce league of legends #viktor league of legends #sometimes I re remember their ending and I am euphoric all over again #we won on levels I never even thought were possible #I was hoping for open ended rivalry and emotional entanglement as enemies #instead we got canon soulmates in every universe #I was crying for days #they mean so much to me #also I lost my goddamn Apple Pencil before the show came out and my postal service is on strike #finally got my hands on another one NOW #art block over bc of jayvik too #basically they saved my life #every day I get closer to playing league

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movementsofmylife · 4 months ago

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this particular scene (and all the others like it that he pulls off) is why i will have to watch every single thing that war wanarat is in for the rest of my life:

like goddamn that fucking heart broken face at being asked to forgive him, knowing how much he hurt you and that you love him and will forgive him despite it all in the end. and then ending on let me think about it because you can't quite get yourself to verbalize any of this, to let the hurt go just yet.

i did not expect messy engineering bl i started just to have more yinwar b.w jack and joker to hurt me this bad.

#love mechanics #i literally am only on ep 6 still #because i can only watch 1 ep every day or two #i literally watch an episode #rewatch basically most of it immediately #and lay in a puddle of emotions for 24-48 hours until i can handle the next episode #i love all of them #even vee and his utter dumbassery #but especially mark #i want to wrap him up in a blanket and give him warm drinks and hug him until he's ok again #but also he's so good at crying #one of the best really #war wanarat #how are you able to do this??

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mylove-thresher · 29 days ago

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the suffererrrrrrrrr

#I be rushing these drawings but IM SICK IM FUCKING SICK IM GOING TO FUCKING KMS UGHHHHGGGGG 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔#So I stuck w the idea. Fugo’s pc box is now the host of virus Nara’s organs ❤️#And he’s forced to listen to his heartbeat. Loud. Every second of the day.#And I’m making him khs bc there is NO WAY you wouldn’t go insane from that #Lowkey I was thinking ab the tell tale heart bc while the story is unrelated the heartbeat thingie inspired me ig #Ibispaint tools are saving my life I love the squiggly line setting thing #I have learnt the basics of ibispainting….. when do I get my certificate to become an ibispainter #I fucking hate this man’s hair I will probably rework it #It looks good in my other art style but not this one idk 💔#Is the text legible #Fugo my baby it’s not the floorboards #Something took over me and made me use something that isn’t a shade of red or pure white/black.#Idk feels weird to use gray #It probably sounds rlly weird of me to say that but 😭#jjba #jojo no kimyou na bouken #jojo's bizarre adventure #pannacotta fugo #Jjba au #au #alternate universe #numerical guillotine au #Digital art #ibispaintx #Listening to suki suki daisuki (ghhh animation memes…..) and I get even more inspired by the covers aesthetic #I HEAR YOUR HEART BEAT TO THE BEAT OF THE DRUMS ‼️‼️‼️ but it’s making you cry and sob and fret

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melit0n · 2 months ago

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#you know I really do love it when your teachers take you aside and look you dead in the eye and say that you're not trying hard enough #like dude I am trying. I spent four hours every day of my break aside from Christmas Eve and Christmas Day studying #I'm sorry that I can't remember this specific Sanscrit word or specificall when Aristotle was born but dear God I'm trying #please don't say I'm not putting in enough effort #let alone tell me that on the Big Exams where I don't get a re-do I'll barely pass #because you *are* making me feel like I know nothing #and discouraging me is going to do no good for my memory #and now I'm crying over the fact I can't identify a fucking subordinate clause and the head word in a noun phrase #because yeah that's the absolute basics and I could do it two weeks ago and now I can't and that means I am not trying hard enough #I'm academically useless and absolutely pitiful #and if I don't do well they'll put me in extra classes again which I don't have time for nor do I need because they never help in the way #that I need help #one day back at school and I'm already contemplating just saying I'm sick again #I don't know #I don't want to be here

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bogkeep · 9 months ago

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it's been over a whole month since i had a stupid argument with my parents about driving, a skill that i legally possess but hate doing because i have a special brain illness that makes me fear death and injury, but i'm still chewing over an absurd claim that it's "equally dangerous to go on a 14 hour train ride like you just did". literally how is that more dangerous. in what way. in what world. public transport is nice and good and i like it and i don't have to enter my personal torment nexus

#goddddd it was so bad #i was trying to explain that yes i understand the importance of maintaining my skill but also i want to build my life in a way that doesn't #depend on doing a thing that stabs me directly in the mental illness #and i was basically told that im both a whiny coward that doesn't wanna do scary things AND i do scary things all the time?????#pick one!!!!!!!!! either im a stupid sheltered baby or im a brave soldier who understands the danger of being alive!!#ive always been a Good and Agreeable child but ive been grounded One time in my life #and that was when my parents were teaching me to ride a bike without training wheels and it stressed me out and made me cry so much #I WONDER IF MAYHAPS I HAVE ANXIETY #I KNOW I GOTTA DO SCARY THINGS BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS SCARY AND I DO THEM ANYWAY #but like sending an email is not putting my life at risk as like. car traffic #and for all my anxiety the only fear ive ever had about public transport has been like. missing a train or a bus #im not afraid of travelling alone or sharing a space with people???#and p much most public vehicles are safer than personal cars????#drivers of the vehicles receive more rigorous training and stuff??? and also they get a lot of experience bc they do it every day???#how is that less safe than putting a mentally ill nervous wreck in the torment nexus #is this what evangelion was about bc im not sure

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corroded-coffin · 5 months ago

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Clifford Lee Burton (February 10, 1962 – September 27, 1986)

(photo source)

#metallica #cliff burton #i know it's silly but i think of him basically every day #how unique he was as a person and a musician... how much the other guys looked up to him and how much he taught them about music #i might make another post of just cliff and kirk today bc their friendship makes me cry lol #listen to ANY interview with kirk about cliff and you will see what i mean!!!!!!#ok anyway rest in peace you beautiful fucking angel i'm cry

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amidnightqueery · 3 months ago

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I don't hate my job or anything, but man, being a float educator is so fucking thankless

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hamstertross · 28 days ago

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i have Not been doing well lately unfortunately i cant fuck it we ball outta this one lads

#rowan rambles #been extremely emotionally unstable lately #i’ve been crying basically every other day i am just so overwhelmed #it’s all a bit much atm #school sport musical sewing #stressing me tf out #vent #i guess

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reflectionsofgalaxies · 7 months ago

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posting selfies because it’s been a hot minute since i showed my face on here and i have short(er) hair now! 🍄

this was at a folk music festival on the weekend that i’ve been going to with my family since before i was a year old. i got to take a new friend this year and it was so wonderful. a beautiful day with beautiful music, art, and people.

this festival is a much smaller one and has struggled in recent years to stay afloat, it runs at a deficit essentially, and is kept going by the community and dedicated volunteers for whom it is a labour of love. i love to see the effort put in to make it a safe, welcoming, accepting atmosphere to celebrate talented (mostly local) artists. 🎶

#right at the enterance they had one of those signs that are like #‘WE BELIEVE Black Lives Matter no human is illegal Love is Love Women’s Rights are Human Rights science is real water is life’#‘and injustice anywhere is injustice everywhere’#inside the festival there were multiple Pride themed booths either set up by local queer artists as vendors #or a youth outreach program that was giving out all sorts of flags #the first performing group on the main stage in the morning added a line into one of their songs about coming together #and combating cruelty and injustice that referenced All Eyes on Rafah and several other current struggles #and the last main stage performer of the night that we stayed for sang a song called ‘Elliot’s Song’#about her trans nephew who she took in when he was kicked out by his parents and how much he opened her heart and changed her life #it made me cry and my friend bought one of her CDs and she signed it for them #all this to basically say it’s a place i’m so comfortable and something i’m so proud of #it haven’t been able to go every year of my life but it has still brought me almost two decades of joy #god i’ve been chatty the last two days #personal #my face #live local music my beloved #folk music my beloved #queer #wlw

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s-ccaam-era-crepe · 4 days ago

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I’m so fucking tired and like. The emotional whiplash is getting to me

#camera talks #I really want to go to sleep yall #today is a struggleeeg #but I also have had a very good day #and I’m so full of love #and just so happy to know who know <3 #but also also everything is really tiring and stressful and I feel like crying every second basically #and I haven’t been able to talk about my interests #and I feel weirdly trappped #I feel a like terrible like I might die #anwyays #delete later #sorry I’m exhaustedd #:((

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raffinthebox · 10 months ago

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Back again to introduce you to the last member of the party, played by my friend and angst expert @thesilvanghost:

Aldebaran Crumblepie (he/him) 3rd year Ravenclaw

Campaign: A day at Hogwarts Mastered by: @all-unwoven

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fisheito · 10 months ago

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Imagine you have to set up yakumo's enclosure for the next couple months. How do you set it up and what do you put in there?

oh NO.! THE PROPPHECY HAS BEenm FUFILLED

i am standing in my room, leggies rooted to the floor. i am in shock .frozen and i have no idea how to proceed. there is a perpetual pathetically sobbing serpent under my blankie.

#stares at the camera and stage whispers #i can't be responsible for another living creature. i can't. or . er. i can. but I SHOULDN'T #i'll have to suppress every violent urge in my body to keep this thing alive for several months #i CANNOT fling him out the window. i WILL NOT grab his entire face and squeeze. I SHALL NOT chew on his tail.#now i'm reminded of that post where it's a pretty princess cage on the floor and comments go [that aint big enough for a dog]#and OP is all [it's not FOR a dog 😀]#yeah. that's me right now imagining a full grown yakumo in a cage by my bedside #SO FOR EASE OF MY IMAGINATION AND TO increase yaku's chance of surviving these next months #i'm going to try real hard to imagine him exclusively in pocket snake form (scrunches up my face in valiant effort)#his enclosure (crib?!?!) is flanked on all sides by eiden plushies #since yaku is an adult there is a smaller chance of him suffocating on eiden in his sleep. wait. actually #arranges the eiden walls to give some pockets of air. i don't trust him. he WILL suffocate on eiden given the opportunity #he gets one of those tiny dollhouse cooking sets for enrichment LOL #or i'll give him a bunch of those make-your-own gummy kits with elaborate setups and tiny egg gummies #crying yaku is the excuse i need to finally get a humidifier #i can survive not misting myself.. usually... but yaku will cry himself into dehydration. it's misting time #he gets an entire alcove closed off in the corner with his basic needs met. i cannot perceive #he can lurk in privacy as much as he wants. there are at least TWO hot rocks in there with garukaru's faces painted on em #there is a duplicate open-space alcove next to it for when he actually wants something from me LOL #is he a free range snake? can i take him to a bunch of restaurants and shove food into my sleeve for him? he wants to sample the delights..#tempted to put a bell on him just so if he gets loose in the basement i'll know to fish him out #but he's pretty cautious... he won't get into any fatal situations in the house right? ...does he know how to swim?!#at least one day is reserved for testing yaku's swimming capabilities.#he is going into the bathtub while it has a film of water. gonna test his traction. i hope i won't get panic-strangled #asks

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mars-ipan · 3 months ago

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kinda funny when ur brain’s gut instinct is repression so you just kinda watch while your stress and emotions get bottled and corked and the whole time ur just like “that is going to bite me in the ass so bad later but i can’t seem to open the damn bottles without getting glass everywhere so! guess we’ll wait”

#marzi speaks #marzivents #<- not super but this is more negative than i like to be #sorry folks i’ve been mental illness posting a lot #maybe i should get checked for seasonal affective disorder. or maybe this is a trauma response? i DID nearly die this year #i dunno. the trauma stuff in particular is tricky bc if i try to unpack it before i’m ready i could basically just retraumatize myself #but if i wait too long then it’ll do some damage that way too. so i gotta time it right #what i really gotta do is actually contact one of these psychologists i got referred #i think i wanna go for a psychologist instead of a therapist bc i’d like the opportunity for medication/diagnosis if possible #i keep like. almost crying but every time it happens i’m like ‘YESSS CATHARSIS’ and then it goes away. fuckass brain #sighhh. i’m tired. i’m tired of resting too #but tomorrow is a holiday celebrated by eating good food with your family #so i’m gonna try to just enjoy myself and enjoy the day #and it’ll be nice #i’ll probably help cook which i always like doing #i got to chop chocolate tonight. it was really fun i like working with knives #didn’t even get any intrusive thoughts. just focused on making chocolate chunks #it’s satisfying to feel like you’ve made something. chopping things makes me feel like i’ve made something #i want to make more things. i’m really tired all the time lately (different from blood loss tired (i’m relieved i can tell the difference))#and being tired makes it harder to make things #but i’m at my happiest when i’m creating in some way. if you believe in purposes i’d say that was mine #i need to make things i need to put myself out into the world. that way i can look and say i existed. i did something tangible #sigh okay i’m gonna . stop here before this turns into mars shares all of her thoughtfeelings on public website tumblr.com #i know i literally liveblogged my colonoscopy prep to you all (thx again ppl who supported me then btw that was an awful night)#buuuuut i still wanna leave some parts of me a little mysterious. (<- is an open book)

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izzy-b-hands · 3 months ago

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I will be forever grateful i can be on this new med. it's one a lot of folks also need and can struggle to have access to! It's important i be on it, especially if i start doing any vid collabs

(some of which, really, all of which, i unfortunately actually need to cancel that were in the preplanning stages, bc the election results have me wanting to wait and see how the general atmosphere of the country is before i agree to meet up with anyone. I feel bad for cancelling, but also i just can't know for sure how safe things are/might be going forward and I'd rather avoid the potential of. ya know. various not great things that could happen at a meet up, tho i would certainly hope they wouldn't. i don't feel like actually addressing them rn, u guys know what i mean)

That said, if the truvada initial side effects could fuck off asap would be so lovely. three weeks at worst, then they should be gone/much better or so i am told. really hope that's true bc losing my mornings to being dizzy and nauseous is Not Working for me lmao. im on week two, and now understand why my new doc said to call if i needed any 'cheerleading' and support to get thru the side effects, bc apparently she's done that for several ppl to make sure they actually make it thru the three weeks and keep on it (lovely of her!!)

#text post #not going to get into the other painful smack of this morning #suffice to say that medicaid does not in fact fully cover vocal therapy/training for trans ppl #even if ur docs feel incredibly certain it is #if i was making a decent bit over minimum wage at consistent hours and already had my current debts paid off mostly #then I'd happily consider paying the chunk Medicaid won't cover but as of now #it would literally be basically two paychecks if not three to cover the estimate for this first visit #and that's only if the poll would have us polling every week like we did before the election #otherwise we're guesstimating it would be upwards of 4 paychecks to cover it #I'm actually gonna get into in here bc nobody reads all my tag essays (fair valid and correct)#im really sad abt this. my voice gets me clocked a lot and while i can mostly handle like. visually being clocked #my voice giving me away genuinely makes me feel a pain in my chest. i can't get my customer service voice to go lower yet #and even if it's my usual voice I've made minimal progress on my own self done vocal study stuff #so like. no one knows how high it was compared to how it is now tho so no one actually hears it as anything near deep #which it isn't but like. there's been a slightly barely there drop of it per at least a couple ppl in my life #i was probably going to be able to learn how to sing again and find my new range. I'd fix my customer service voice #even if it would only ever be a teeny bit lower than how it is now. it would be lovely #im not gonna get too down tho bc someday hopefully I'll be able to make it happen/afford it #and for now...im doing the bad thing of not cancelling the appt yet #i will bc they're booking out for months and it isn't right of me to take a spot i know i can't keep #but. let me pretend i can for another day or two. maybe until monday. then I'll call or msg them on mychart #and let them know i just don't have the funds rn tho i do deeply appreciate that Medicaid at least pays part of it #im just not at a point where i can cover the rest but that I'll reschedule/have a new referral sent whenever that changes #...and hopefully things in this country will be of such a state that such care is still available to ppl like me.#but that's all we're saying on that bc im already having a pathetic little cry over this #(im fine the med side effects have me crying over everything lol i see a sad commercial and Instant Tears like someone died lmaooo)

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