#and basically crying every day | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

conjuring-ghouls · 7 months ago

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My cat isn't doing well, and it's been insanely hard :(( we could really do with some positive thoughts rn 💖

#this also explains the lack of new content around here #just letting everyone know i didn't abandon my blog #i've just been super anxious and taking care of her 24/7 #and basically crying every day #there's not much we can do and that's incredibly triggering for me #i really just want her to be well and comfortable at this point #tw pet illness

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liam-summers · 4 months ago

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Angel wearing the Claddagh Ring with the heart pointing towards him, pre-Surprise.

2.03 - School Hard 2.06 - Halloween 2.09 - What's My Line Part 1 2.10 - What's My Line Part 2

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movementsofmylife · 13 days ago

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this particular scene (and all the others like it that he pulls off) is why i will have to watch every single thing that war wanarat is in for the rest of my life:

like goddamn that fucking heart broken face at being asked to forgive him, knowing how much he hurt you and that you love him and will forgive him despite it all in the end. and then ending on let me think about it because you can't quite get yourself to verbalize any of this, to let the hurt go just yet.

i did not expect messy engineering bl i started just to have more yinwar b.w jack and joker to hurt me this bad.

#love mechanics #i literally am only on ep 6 still #because i can only watch 1 ep every day or two #i literally watch an episode #rewatch basically most of it immediately #and lay in a puddle of emotions for 24-48 hours until i can handle the next episode #i love all of them #even vee and his utter dumbassery #but especially mark #i want to wrap him up in a blanket and give him warm drinks and hug him until he's ok again #but also he's so good at crying #one of the best really #war wanarat #how are you able to do this??

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spaghett-onaplate · 6 months ago

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depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed

#and wdym that lifestyle changed so quickly into being out and about and an active member of the world??#very proud of myself #and i mean it wasn't that quick of a change #it was like 1.5 years primarily depression bedrotting with occasional school -> primarily depression bedrotting ->#primarily depression bedrotting with 3-9 hours of work weekly -> straight into 31+ hours school+9-12 hours work weekly #so there was somewhat of a gradual progression #but still #also wowza i wake up 7-7:30am every morning now. 1pm was an early wake up for a not so insignificant amount of time #i mean of all fundamental growth years to miss out on the ages like what 12/13-15 aren't too bad? they would suck in a different way if i #had been socially involved #anyway it's just. yea i'm proud of myself but it is a crazy lifestyle change #and even when i was deeply depressed in a horrible routine i feel like i learned a lot. how to regulate my emotions and cope well and find #the joy in everything. bc if i stayed in bed all day then i would at least be happy about the sun or whatever #and for the while of being not at school at all i WANTED to be at school i just could not find one bc our school system is so cute like tha #(basically every school is at capacity and the local school that has a guaranteed place for me would have been an all boys or girls 😭)#but i miraculously found and got into this school and miraculously made it work so well for me socially and now academically #it's also a good time to get back into school for my education bc any later and it woulda been pretty bad for all my certifications and uni #ive missed out on so much maths that its not worth it to me to try and catch up but my teacher knows that #but ive always hated maths regardless i only ever understood it for the first half of yr 7 then my attendance dropped #and after my recent exam i decided to try harder at school. but i still got an A on the exam i didn't study for!! academic weapon fr #i'm just idk thinking back to myself in the past few years #and how hopeless it all felt. but i got out of it!! i beat the depression and social anxiety and found a good place and made the most of it #and during the peak of my depression i remember i went out someplace near my old school and panicked so so badly about seeing #kids from my old school. and the friends at the time didnt really check on me when i went to shake and cry in a side street lmao #i kept the best of that friendgroup and have better friends now. but anyway now i take a bus each morning with some kids from my old school #and you see these hands? they look like they're shaking to you?#anyway yeah it's just cool i got to this point :) i really had no hope for so long but now i have a life i'm living and a future i'm build #--ing towards #which is funny i just decided some random day last november after watching some better call saul 'huh actually lawyer would b pretty cool'#and will i get there? we'll see but i do have hope now

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bogkeep · 6 months ago

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it's been over a whole month since i had a stupid argument with my parents about driving, a skill that i legally possess but hate doing because i have a special brain illness that makes me fear death and injury, but i'm still chewing over an absurd claim that it's "equally dangerous to go on a 14 hour train ride like you just did". literally how is that more dangerous. in what way. in what world. public transport is nice and good and i like it and i don't have to enter my personal torment nexus

#goddddd it was so bad #i was trying to explain that yes i understand the importance of maintaining my skill but also i want to build my life in a way that doesn't #depend on doing a thing that stabs me directly in the mental illness #and i was basically told that im both a whiny coward that doesn't wanna do scary things AND i do scary things all the time?????#pick one!!!!!!!!! either im a stupid sheltered baby or im a brave soldier who understands the danger of being alive!!#ive always been a Good and Agreeable child but ive been grounded One time in my life #and that was when my parents were teaching me to ride a bike without training wheels and it stressed me out and made me cry so much #I WONDER IF MAYHAPS I HAVE ANXIETY #I KNOW I GOTTA DO SCARY THINGS BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS SCARY AND I DO THEM ANYWAY #but like sending an email is not putting my life at risk as like. car traffic #and for all my anxiety the only fear ive ever had about public transport has been like. missing a train or a bus #im not afraid of travelling alone or sharing a space with people???#and p much most public vehicles are safer than personal cars????#drivers of the vehicles receive more rigorous training and stuff??? and also they get a lot of experience bc they do it every day???#how is that less safe than putting a mentally ill nervous wreck in the torment nexus #is this what evangelion was about bc im not sure

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corroded-coffin · 2 months ago

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Clifford Lee Burton (February 10, 1962 – September 27, 1986)

(photo source)

#metallica #cliff burton #i know it's silly but i think of him basically every day #how unique he was as a person and a musician... how much the other guys looked up to him and how much he taught them about music #i might make another post of just cliff and kirk today bc their friendship makes me cry lol #listen to ANY interview with kirk about cliff and you will see what i mean!!!!!!#ok anyway rest in peace you beautiful fucking angel i'm cry

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boxwinebaddie · 6 months ago

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happy birthday kyle, my love!

and throwback to the iconic flashback pre-fire part of rm where badass baby ravenstan aka our punk rock pacifist was boldly protesting the city council cutting down his favorite tree ( mabel ) so that the mayor could build a parking lot in her place, proceeded to spend nearly three days living up there until mayor signed a paper saving mabel, slid right down and right as baby jerseykyle blew out his b-day candles and sadly wished for stan…he came up behind him, wrapped him in a big hug and got leaves and tree sap all over him <3

#nina speaks #kyle was so happy oh my god #he was really worried about him #and his birthday wish was to see him #( it’s his wish every year…yes it’s painful )#and was sitting in casa bonita thinking abt how much it sucked #that on his birthday his super best friend was up in a tree #SO THAT SURPRISE #LIKE THEY HAD BASICALLY BEEN APART FOR THREE DAYS #they spoke on the walkie talkies but still #I KNOW KYLE WAS ABOUT TO CRY #I THINK IT WAS A SPIN HUG #BRB CRYING #HBD KYLE BABY #IT WAS BEAUTIFUL

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reflectionsofgalaxies · 4 months ago

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posting selfies because it’s been a hot minute since i showed my face on here and i have short(er) hair now! 🍄

this was at a folk music festival on the weekend that i’ve been going to with my family since before i was a year old. i got to take a new friend this year and it was so wonderful. a beautiful day with beautiful music, art, and people.

this festival is a much smaller one and has struggled in recent years to stay afloat, it runs at a deficit essentially, and is kept going by the community and dedicated volunteers for whom it is a labour of love. i love to see the effort put in to make it a safe, welcoming, accepting atmosphere to celebrate talented (mostly local) artists. 🎶

#right at the enterance they had one of those signs that are like #‘WE BELIEVE Black Lives Matter no human is illegal Love is Love Women’s Rights are Human Rights science is real water is life’#‘and injustice anywhere is injustice everywhere’#inside the festival there were multiple Pride themed booths either set up by local queer artists as vendors #or a youth outreach program that was giving out all sorts of flags #the first performing group on the main stage in the morning added a line into one of their songs about coming together #and combating cruelty and injustice that referenced All Eyes on Rafah and several other current struggles #and the last main stage performer of the night that we stayed for sang a song called ‘Elliot’s Song’#about her trans nephew who she took in when he was kicked out by his parents and how much he opened her heart and changed her life #it made me cry and my friend bought one of her CDs and she signed it for them #all this to basically say it’s a place i’m so comfortable and something i’m so proud of #it haven’t been able to go every year of my life but it has still brought me almost two decades of joy #god i’ve been chatty the last two days #personal #my face #live local music my beloved #folk music my beloved #queer #wlw

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sophiethewitch1 · 4 months ago

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me and what we want are going through a lovers spat rn because i desperately want to write more for it but i constantly feel like shit so its really getting in the way of our relationship. also if youve sent me any asks that i havent responded to i am geniunely so sorry about it i am in the trenches right now

#sophie speaks #the disability is disabling me and its PISSING ME OFF #just let me write bro its not that hard #aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh #like im always thinking about it #drunk www!reader dancing to hot to go with the boys and every single one of them thinking about how bad they want to plow you as you-#jokingly flirt and wink and tease. and the entire time you have no idea theyre totally down 100% ready to go #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #if it gives fun dumb party vibes it is for www.#www is about the hot girl mascara running end of the night heels in hand look #hundredth thing i said www is about but like. something something the beauty of life and kindness and love and hope vs hate and loneliness #anything even close to that ballpark is what we want #gonna cry i geniunely want to write for it so bad i know im just complaining over and over but being chronically ill sucks so much #chronic pain sucks so much like whyyyyyyyyy cant i even go out to a cafe to buy takeaway in the car whyyyyyyyyy is the sun painful #its not supposed to be like that man :(#god i want another few months of my fibro going into remission pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee january february i loved you more than anything ever ahhh #nnnnnnnnnnghhhhhhhhhhh #ill. ill get there one day #so says most people #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #maybe ill just put in like the next hundred words or something #chugging along #so fucking slowly but yknow. literally have to spend basically all of the day inside my room because it hurts too much to be outside it #so. maybe i can give myself just a little slack. the tinniest bit

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raffinthebox · 7 months ago

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Back again to introduce you to the last member of the party, played by my friend and angst expert @thesilvanghost:

Aldebaran Crumblepie (he/him) 3rd year Ravenclaw

Campaign: A day at Hogwarts Mastered by: @all-unwoven

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fisheito · 7 months ago

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Imagine you have to set up yakumo's enclosure for the next couple months. How do you set it up and what do you put in there?

oh NO.! THE PROPPHECY HAS BEenm FUFILLED

i am standing in my room, leggies rooted to the floor. i am in shock .frozen and i have no idea how to proceed. there is a perpetual pathetically sobbing serpent under my blankie.

#stares at the camera and stage whispers #i can't be responsible for another living creature. i can't. or . er. i can. but I SHOULDN'T #i'll have to suppress every violent urge in my body to keep this thing alive for several months #i CANNOT fling him out the window. i WILL NOT grab his entire face and squeeze. I SHALL NOT chew on his tail.#now i'm reminded of that post where it's a pretty princess cage on the floor and comments go [that aint big enough for a dog]#and OP is all [it's not FOR a dog 😀]#yeah. that's me right now imagining a full grown yakumo in a cage by my bedside #SO FOR EASE OF MY IMAGINATION AND TO increase yaku's chance of surviving these next months #i'm going to try real hard to imagine him exclusively in pocket snake form (scrunches up my face in valiant effort)#his enclosure (crib?!?!) is flanked on all sides by eiden plushies #since yaku is an adult there is a smaller chance of him suffocating on eiden in his sleep. wait. actually #arranges the eiden walls to give some pockets of air. i don't trust him. he WILL suffocate on eiden given the opportunity #he gets one of those tiny dollhouse cooking sets for enrichment LOL #or i'll give him a bunch of those make-your-own gummy kits with elaborate setups and tiny egg gummies #crying yaku is the excuse i need to finally get a humidifier #i can survive not misting myself.. usually... but yaku will cry himself into dehydration. it's misting time #he gets an entire alcove closed off in the corner with his basic needs met. i cannot perceive #he can lurk in privacy as much as he wants. there are at least TWO hot rocks in there with garukaru's faces painted on em #there is a duplicate open-space alcove next to it for when he actually wants something from me LOL #is he a free range snake? can i take him to a bunch of restaurants and shove food into my sleeve for him? he wants to sample the delights..#tempted to put a bell on him just so if he gets loose in the basement i'll know to fish him out #but he's pretty cautious... he won't get into any fatal situations in the house right? ...does he know how to swim?!#at least one day is reserved for testing yaku's swimming capabilities.#he is going into the bathtub while it has a film of water. gonna test his traction. i hope i won't get panic-strangled #asks

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french-fryyyy · 1 month ago

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There is no way my mom just told me she didn't wake me up this morning because I was taking too long to wake up on my own...

#yapping #ripping out my hair and screaming i woke up at 10am and you were already asleep and now youre using ME not being awake as an excuse to avoid #taking me to Greenville so we can get the shit that you promised me we'd get on friday then you moved that to sunday then you moved it to #today and now you're moving it to fuck knows when. and you wonder why I'm so behind on getting the stuff i need its because you dont let me #even have the opportunity to get anything any sooner than your own pace #“you dont have a bank account yet??” I'VE BEEN ASKING YOU FOR MONTHS and youve been delaying every chance you get and now i have to ask Doug #because you just basically refuse to at this point #its not even that its stuff i need its anything else too #you promised me when i was FOURTEEN that i could dye my hair and you havent even tried to keep that promise and now you said youd take me to #go buy some and i could do it myself and you've been avoiding it for the past month #we havent even gone for our stupid birthday dinner that we so every year since our birthdays are only 2 weeks apart. and that was MARCH.#it took 2 months for me to even convince you to take me to Walmart for fucking pencils and a clear backpack for school and you did that a #few days before school started because you didn't want to look like a bad mother to random strangers who dont even know you or care #but when it comes to me youll just cry and say “i dont want you to think im a bad mother” but wont do anything to actually show that #and that works btw. im too busy feeling bad for you that i cant even consider thinking any bad of you because that'd mean that i was hurting #you more than my existence already does

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izzy-b-hands · 5 days ago

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I will be forever grateful i can be on this new med. it's one a lot of folks also need and can struggle to have access to! It's important i be on it, especially if i start doing any vid collabs

(some of which, really, all of which, i unfortunately actually need to cancel that were in the preplanning stages, bc the election results have me wanting to wait and see how the general atmosphere of the country is before i agree to meet up with anyone. I feel bad for cancelling, but also i just can't know for sure how safe things are/might be going forward and I'd rather avoid the potential of. ya know. various not great things that could happen at a meet up, tho i would certainly hope they wouldn't. i don't feel like actually addressing them rn, u guys know what i mean)

That said, if the truvada initial side effects could fuck off asap would be so lovely. three weeks at worst, then they should be gone/much better or so i am told. really hope that's true bc losing my mornings to being dizzy and nauseous is Not Working for me lmao. im on week two, and now understand why my new doc said to call if i needed any 'cheerleading' and support to get thru the side effects, bc apparently she's done that for several ppl to make sure they actually make it thru the three weeks and keep on it (lovely of her!!)

#text post #not going to get into the other painful smack of this morning #suffice to say that medicaid does not in fact fully cover vocal therapy/training for trans ppl #even if ur docs feel incredibly certain it is #if i was making a decent bit over minimum wage at consistent hours and already had my current debts paid off mostly #then I'd happily consider paying the chunk Medicaid won't cover but as of now #it would literally be basically two paychecks if not three to cover the estimate for this first visit #and that's only if the poll would have us polling every week like we did before the election #otherwise we're guesstimating it would be upwards of 4 paychecks to cover it #I'm actually gonna get into in here bc nobody reads all my tag essays (fair valid and correct)#im really sad abt this. my voice gets me clocked a lot and while i can mostly handle like. visually being clocked #my voice giving me away genuinely makes me feel a pain in my chest. i can't get my customer service voice to go lower yet #and even if it's my usual voice I've made minimal progress on my own self done vocal study stuff #so like. no one knows how high it was compared to how it is now tho so no one actually hears it as anything near deep #which it isn't but like. there's been a slightly barely there drop of it per at least a couple ppl in my life #i was probably going to be able to learn how to sing again and find my new range. I'd fix my customer service voice #even if it would only ever be a teeny bit lower than how it is now. it would be lovely #im not gonna get too down tho bc someday hopefully I'll be able to make it happen/afford it #and for now...im doing the bad thing of not cancelling the appt yet #i will bc they're booking out for months and it isn't right of me to take a spot i know i can't keep #but. let me pretend i can for another day or two. maybe until monday. then I'll call or msg them on mychart #and let them know i just don't have the funds rn tho i do deeply appreciate that Medicaid at least pays part of it #im just not at a point where i can cover the rest but that I'll reschedule/have a new referral sent whenever that changes #...and hopefully things in this country will be of such a state that such care is still available to ppl like me.#but that's all we're saying on that bc im already having a pathetic little cry over this #(im fine the med side effects have me crying over everything lol i see a sad commercial and Instant Tears like someone died lmaooo)

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wild-at-mind · 9 months ago

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Had a really stupid conversation via minor emotional breakdown with a queer friend about what makes an LGBTQ person 'assimilist'. From what she said I'm kind of forced to draw the conclusion 'if you say you're not assimilist, then you're not'.

#i love her but none of it makes any sense to me #i think i really just wanted her to see that this kind of rhetoric is no good if you're fundamentally unable to see yourself as having valu #to a community- which is where i'm still at sometimes unfortunately.#i would say that i may not be the only one since mental illness + self esteem issues + being lgbtq are not exactly unlinked #but i have basically never found anyone else who has my particular hangups...maybe online once ages ago #so in my own mind i'm the most assimilist lgbtq who ever existed- not even worthy to call myself queer #and it's nice that she thinks i am not like that and in fact am 'one of the good ones'#who is not assimilist- look i know that 'one of the good ones' usually means the opposite ok i know! it's just an impression i get #she's like telling me obviously i'm all good because i look like i do but all i can hear is #that if i didn't look like this then i'm an assimilist #i fucking hate my brain honestly no one asked me to have a mental breakdown at their house (thank god i didn't cry)#and then go home and that's when i cry because i saw a trans guy's 'this many years on t' post and i felt like shit because #i haven't done anything about transitioning in ages and i'm not even out at work :'(#like i know i'm an assimilist because my main reason for not coming out at work is not wanting to do the beaurocracy #of changing my name on my email and every fucking log in i have on everything- telling every single person i interact with #i just can't it's too much and my line manager is worse than useless #but i have 'my job is computer and doing emails all day' privilege so i don't like to talk to people about it

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hecksupremechips · 15 days ago

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Time for me to be completely changed as a person! *just watched falsettos*

#the klock keeps ticking #oh dude we’re so back oh its so back #how am i supposed to live my life after this how am i supposed to go on #its funny cuz ive seen this damn show actually a thousand times i know it forward and backwards #and i dont really cry ever in general and ive become so familiar with falsettos that i dont cry anymore #but it still has the ability to destroy some deep part of me every single time in a new way #I will stay firm in my belief that its the greatest piece of media ever made #if i ever get to see falsettos on broadway (pipe dream ik) like #thatd be it for me man like how the hell are you supposed to leave and drive home after that akdnsk #i cant remember the last time i watched either i think it mightve been like. when i first moved into my old apartment 😳#and ive gone through quite a bit of shit since then and im smarter. i think #so yeah it hit me very hard this time i always stick to something different #im very much wrecked about this fucking family lets just say that #lets just say ‘shes cooked for some 200 guests i know we’re not that many actually we’re 7’#really hit different this time KID DO YOU KNOW HOW PROUD I AM #DONT KNOW WHY BUT HE LOOKS LIKE MARVIN #so so good so lovingly written and performed so real and beautiful and tragic FUCKKKK #yeah basically prepare for me to write like 50 essays for a few days about all the characters every song every lyric every sound yeah #falsettos is probably deadass the reason im like this it shaped me so much #just like. the ending of tragedy that was so unexpected and unfair #and it looks at the fucking homophobic shits who preached all about this being just desserts for the perverted behavior #and it says ‘this man could’ve kept that unhappy heterosexual life and avoided all of this but he chose the one that killed him because #it made him feel like himself it made him happy despite how brief it was and hed choose this route in every universe’#just a piece of art that is so true to queerness i dont think anything else has instilled a sense of pride in me like falsettos has #the tight knit family marvin tries so hard to keep together is falling apart worse and worse with each attempt #but once marvin is happy and loves himself and is loved by others the family ends up growing and sticking together naturally #aaughhh yeah ahahaha yeah man everyone please love your friends so genuinely love yourself and keep going 🥰

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haemosexuality · 9 months ago

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my mom just broke my melog (from she-ra) mug and im so upset i got nauseous

#i get very very attached to physical objects (autism)#and this is a mug i bought from a brazilian online store in 2020 or 2021 that only existed for a year max #so like theres absolutely no way i can find another one and replace this #theres gotta only be like a few hundred people who have one of these in the entire world #and ive used it basically every single day for the past 3 years unless i wasnt home #this is the worst day of my life #ive been crying for 20 minutes

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