#and apply it to another? yes. yes i did
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letteredlettered · 10 months ago
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I'm still confused by the wedding-industrial complex, tbh
#take proposals#like one day basically shortly after we got together my gf was like I want to marry you#i was like that's nice#then another time not that long after she was like hey we should get married#and i was like um that's nice i'm not ready#and she was like yeah sure okay#so next time we're together in person (because we're long distance) she was like hey I want to marry you#and i was like well there are things we'd have to talk about such as kids and finances and what country to live in#and she was like sure yeah okay#then there was a pandemic and the inability to see each other and a lot of other things including discussions#and then i was like okay yeah i think that's a great idea i'd like to marry you#and she was like that's great i love you we still don't know where to live#and so after that she still periodically says we should get married#and asks me to marry her#and i ask her to marry me#and we always say yes#and eventually figure out where to live and start applying for visas etc etc#but when we mention we're engaged people always ask#how did she do it?#did you know she was going to?#who proposed to who?#like fuck idk when it even happened don't you propose to each other like every other day when you love each other?#and isn't marriage a much bigger decision than a single question#and then like my cousin who coined the term 'wedding industrial complex' told me she was getting married#and i was like cool do you know when the wedding is?#and she was like what? no. he hasn't proposed#and i was like . . . but you know you're getting married?#and she was like yeah we've discussed it and agreed#and i was like sooo....that's not a proposal?#and she was like no because he hasn't asked
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transingthoseformers · 1 year ago
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Thinking more about protoflesh, how maybe the amount of such can vary, and how that affects the mecha.
It's all a game of advantages and disadvantages, after all. More flexibility but it's harder to repair.
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So you know when a fandom has a main ship and instead of making the ship canon, the writers either A) create a queer character unrelated to the ship or B) make one half of the ship (usually the less traditionally masculine one) canonically queer but have them date other people?? I’ve been calling it Queer Placating. I feel like I’m seeing it a lot recently. Have other people noticed this??
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theflyingfeeling · 6 months ago
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yes it's just me whining about the same thing for the billionth time, pls just scroll past nothing new to see here 👋
#i just want to enjoy the summer but i feel like i don't deserve to if i'm not constantly trying to become employed again 😭#''apply for jobs then? problem solved'' uh-huh yes but!! i also hate applying for jobs#job seeking can be so incredibly humiliating#first i have to send them a letter BEGGING to be invited to an interview#and then i have to try and convince them that i am actually competent and good at my job even though you have my cv right there#and then afterwards they call me to tell me they found someone who they liked better than me#(or rather someone who was more competent than me judging by their work history etc.)#it's like ''yes we are hiring but not YOU specifically lol''#like. at school if you take a test you get the grade you deserve based on how you did in the exam.#it's something you can actually directly affect yourself#but if someone who's applying for the same job with me has more work experience or whatever they will get hired over me no matter what i do#(at least that's how it usually works on my field)#in which case it doesn't matter if i do well in the interview or nah. bc the other person was always going to be picked for the job anyway#and yes one could say i can then be satisfied if i did my best but it's little consolation when i'm still unemployed!!#and so every time i apply for a job and get rejected it feels like a personal failure#and to avoid that feeling of failure i want to avoid applying for jobs altogether#so yeah. being active in job seeking is more likely to relieve me from this misery but job seeking is ALSO misery. so 🤷‍♀️#that on top of the fact i don't even _want_ to apply for all the open positions on my field#but i feel obliged to because it's what i have a degree on. and when i'm unemployed i don't have the luxury to choose which ones i apply fo#i can't afford to be picky#I DON'T DREAM OF LABOUR I JUST NEED MONEY TO LIVE BUT I ALSO DON'T WANT TO DO JUST ANY JOB! I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH FOR THAT!#i don't want to come home crying from work every day because i hate every single aspect of my life INCLUDING my job 😭#when this semester i actually HAD a job i didn't mind waking up to every morning 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#it's not fair it's not fair it's not fair#to conclude i don't deserve to enjoy myself in the summer because i'm not doing enough to fix my unemployement situation#(just like i don't deserve to feel sad about being lonely because i don't work hard enough to maintain deep friendships#but that's a crisis for another day! stay tuned ✌️)
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m0e-ru · 5 days ago
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I think for me the allure in base releases in persona games is how it feels cloudy and there's still mystery involved regarding how one should go about the concepts and characters introduced in the story. as inconvenient as it is, it's fun to scour different media release after, or even before, that release, to see how they tried to present these concepts and characters, how they actually came out to be, and how they decide to shape them henceforth, adding on to what was already introduced and simply building on it, or topping on details that probably weren't obvious in the initial release, or something they wanted to be more prominent to evoke a more specific image of those ideas.
it's fun to look at famitsu magazines and decipher what those game teasers were all about. it's exciting to read through novels or listen to drama tracks to look a new perspectives of the same story, or even look beyond it. the art book gets released and youre looking through creator comments and concept art and deciding whether to agree to these ideas and decisions or not
but when the re-releases came, golden and royal for me, the whole charm of the game was wiped away and just became too... saturated. the eerieness of bright eye searing yellow wasn't eerie anymore, it just look more mellow and hopeful. from fog and static, theres sub and glitter. which is I guess what they were pretty much going for, when they decided to try out a new technique to draw an audience in. the red and white and black gave a monochrome outlook to the player's worldview, and the flashy and chaotic elements of the ui and other game design made it feel like you were breaking out of the off camera elements that felt too limiting, too controlling and tame, yet dark. now, the flashiness felt like too much sugar in a dessert meant to be a bit more bittersweet. there's a new meaning of rebellion vs control considering how yal's prominence in the plot was completely overshadowed with what az had going on.
I guess what in trying to say in the end is that both the base releases and re-releases have their own charm and can be enjoyed in different ways and through different perspectives. it just makes me a little sad to see how these concepts and characters shrouded with mystery and aching to be uncovered, which is what intrigued me in the first place, were just... stripped naked entirely. you look under the sheets torn off by the people that wanted more people to look at these creations and you see that it wasn't even the same thing underneath. it feels like they stuffed all the things people could like than retaining what these things had that people already like, it's just that they didn't realize they liked it in the first place. their insides were mangled and now their outsides were prettied up as well. all this mystery and intrigue I once found were just blank spaces filled in by someone else rather than the audience themselves
yosuke's closeted nature, kanji's relationship with his own orientation, naoto's own identity and representation. even chie's tomboyism and teddie's malleable inhuman body. and even outside of that, there's adachi, another label slapped on him and exaggerated only the traits that would make him more marketable to an active market that wants to be spoonfed to fill their egos and say they're right. and I sit here looking over all that had happened to realize these writers are not as sincere as they could seem. it's a big project after all, and there's too many people looking over your shoulder.
and the nature of fandom itself, I suppose. if there's mystery and intrigue pressured by audience reaction profit, then then fog shrouding them would dissipate and theres no fun looking through the unknown anymore
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theres-whump-in-that-nebula · 2 months ago
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My favorite genre of book is the “list book,” where the contents are essentially one long, cut-and-dry list of information, organized in alphabetical order with no embellishments whatsoever, other than diagrammatic pictures which show the meaning of something. This includes dictionaries in English, foreign language-to-English dictionaries, encyclopedias on various subjects, toxic chemical transportation handbooks for truckers, etc.
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laugtherhyena · 3 months ago
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Playing Bomb rush cyberfunk has been a crazy experience so far because i feel like I've been enjoying the game just as much as I'm not doing so
#which is crazy because i went in with the impression that this would be jet set radio but better#and really? the biggest thing is doing for me rn is making me wanna play old-school Jet set radio again#who the fuck looked at Jsr and thought “Hey you know what would make this game even better? 300 different inputs”#which makes it impossible for me to play this solely on the controler (the main way i play games since i suck ass at the keyboard)#because it just doesn't have that many buttons#so at times i gotta be fucking double welding this shit with both the keyboard and the controler and it's awful#because I don't have that good of a motor coordination or whatever the proper term is#on top of that. why did we need a fighting mechanic? that's so fucking unnecessary when Jsr already had a gret way of dealing with that#which was by integrating the grafitti mechanic with the fighting by having it be the way you damage opponents#just adjust that to make it take more hits/graffitis in the fight and boom. you're done. perfectly functional#all it does is take away 3 BUTTONS in a game that already has a shit load of inputs#and ik these same buttons are also used to doing tricks on rails but like. that's such an useless addition#because I'm not actually doing anything like this isn't pulling a move on a fighting game. no skill is needed. I'm just mashing buttons#so you might as well not have both of these machanics and have the buttons be set to do other. more important comands#like the one to manually continue a combo on the ground after getting off of a rail. i gonna hold control on the keyboard and move#my joysticks at the same time whenever i need that and it fucking sucks#so yeah whenever i play it again I'm definitely gonna try mapping my controler to my liking and we'll see how it goes#unrelated to the gameplay i just gotta say. sorry but the songs are so mid#if i knew how to mod things i would replace every single one of them songs from jsf and jsrf. absolutely no doubt about it#like the songs in the jsr games are so unique and distinct from one another. even the ones that have a similar style. which makes them#incredibly memorable like i still remember a good chunk of them from the top of my head and i haven't played that game in months#bomb rush cyberfun songs just feel so samey and forgettable#a similar thing can be said for the environment designs and especially their colors imo#everything within the same area feels incredibly samey and not memorable. and you may think “Carol it's a whole area of course it's gonna#look similar to itself“ and to that i say. yes. cohesion is important but take a look at Kogane and Bento from jsr and you'll see#how despite being the same area and having the a coherent color pallet and overlay applied to it their locations are distinct from eachother#and memorable to the point where i can recall how to traverse thought each area and where they lead to easily#in bomb rush it feels like I'm just looking at the same place everywhere in the map#on a good note! i like the story so so much it's definitely what's gonna cary me through playing the whole game#because jsr really needed more story and fleshed out characters that aren't just different designs you can play as
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thethingything · 4 months ago
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I need to call our dentist today because we're back to pretty much unmanageable levels of pain, but also our gums are swollen and that side of our face is hot to the touch and our mouth keeps tasting really bad so clearly there's something very wrong
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#posts made on pain meds#I'm still upset about the fact that nobody has given us any other options for pain relief after we've said the meds we have aren't enough#and that despite the oral surgeon mentioning that we probably have an abscess under one tooth#we haven't been prescribed anything to help with that?#like yeah we're having the tooth pulled but unless someone cancels their surgery within the next couple of days#we have to wait another month and to me it seems like a really bad idea to just leave it untreated for that long???#there was a lot of stuff that took a while for us to be able to figure out too because things weren't communicated clearly enough#and it kind of feels like we've just been left to figure everything out on our own#stuff got miscommunicated in a way that I'm pretty sure led to us not being able to get an appointment booked in early enough#and I've said I'm in so much pain that taking the maximum safe doses of multiple painkillers often isn't enough#and we still get the typical ''well you can actually try taking paracetamol and ibuprofen at the same time if just one isn't working''#as if we're not already taking co-codamol (codeine and paracetamol) and ibuprofen and an anaesthetic gel#and using cold packs and salt rinses and still being in so much pain we end up laid there unable to do anything for hours at a time#and keep struggling to actually eat anything or sleep for more than a couple of hours at a time#at one point one of the people we spoke to while booking the surgery was like ''are you in pain?''#and I explained that yes I'm in so much pain I can't actually manage it with pain meds#and there was just this awkward silence and it's like... what did you expect? you have the x-ray of my rotten infected tooth right there#you could probably look at that and take a wild guess and figure out that I'm in severe fucking pain from it#at least we can apply for a payment plan (hopefully) for the surgery so we're not just bankrupting ourselves with one big payment
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silverislander · 4 months ago
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wish i could just. work at a bookstore
#all of the bookstores around here are owned by indigo and they dont take resumes. you have to apply online#and you can only apply for specific positions in specific locations when those positions open#and they are Never open. ive been checking back nearly every day for almost four months now#and it kills me bc i KNOW i would be good at it and i wouldnt mind doing it it might even be nice#like. yes its still min wage and yes its still customer service/retail at its core but at least its smth i fucking like#id be great at giving book recommendations. i like organizing shelves well enough#i practically know the layout of the store like the back of my hand already considering i go there so often and have my whole life#just please let me do smth i care abt even a little bit. please#working at the grocery store is Fine. its objectively fine#i dont enjoy it but everyone is really nice and i know what im doing#but i dont want to do this forever. i dont even want to be doing it now#a man came in the other day talking abt how i could be the manager someday if i keep at it and i genuinely dread that future#i do not want to get stuck here. i cannot get stuck here forever#levi.txt#i got told my whole life that if i just went to university got ok grades and did Any degree id get a decent job and start my life#and i did it! and now im working the exact same job i had before i had any experience or a degree#and im having to consider starting over and getting another fucking degree in the HOPES itll help at all#i keep having to downgrade any hope i have for the future over and over and it is insanely fucking demoralizing#the least i can want rn is a job at a fucking bookstore
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carcarrot · 2 years ago
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timewontwait · 2 years ago
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youtube
listening to this cover of elastic heart and just...
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freckledsweetpea · 1 year ago
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I hate when I'm friends with someone for a period of time and then they start being annoying to me. Like everything about them starts grating me. Like it's not their fault, but I'm like.. can you stop complaining about everything? and then doing... nothing to solve the problem.
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theflyingfeeling · 1 year ago
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aaaarrghghgh 😭
#overthinking hurts my head how am i supposed to sleep tonight#why am i so stupid so stupid so stupid#when BC said PANIC PANIC PANIC i felt that lol#yes this is about the job situation again (see my post from yesterday)#i'm fairly hopeful that'll resolve itself when i call them and ask for another opportunity tomorrow morning#(my mom helped me come up with a convincing enough story about why i cancelled the interview lol)#but i'm so scared of my employement agency contact person hearing about this#in the best case scenario i could handle it by telling her i had to cancel due to personal reasons...#...but was lucky enough to get a new interview#and i feel i should contact her first before she notices they have opened that position for applications again#(she knows i applied for it so IF she notices this she might wonder WHY they have re-opened it#because if there's been qualified applicants (=me) they wouldn't have to do that)#in any case i'm so so scared she'll call the place and ask them if i really did apply and if i really do have an upcoming interview#if i do get another opportunity it's not gonna be a problem i hope (unless they tell her why i said i cancelled it#because in that case i'd probably have to actually tell the employment agency person the REAL reason why i cancelled)#in addition i'm scared of what it might look like to the people i'm hoping will hire me if someone from the employment agency calls them#to make sure their customer hasn't lied about applying and agreeing on an interview?!#that's gonna make me look sooooooo good lmao#to conclude. i'm screwed and a fucking idiot byeeee#(this is complicated i know sorry lol)
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yuribalisms · 1 year ago
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Essentially what it is all boiling down to is I have fully realized I am bad at being a person, that will always be true, and I don’t know how to handle that
#I’m going to be depressing and self depreciating in the tags so. fair warning to anyone who reads them#I’ve known for a while now that I don’t know what to do with my life. I’ve thought of a few ideas but none of them seem to be working. and I#think a good chunk of what it’s boiling down to is that I am quite literally just stupid when it comes to an actual useful real life skills.#and it’s frustrating because I can’t even talk to ppl I know and confide in them that I feel dumb and stupid without them being like ‘nooooo#don’t say that! you’re not stupid! you were top of your class in hs!’ (that is their favorite thing to fall back on) but like. the thing is#I wasn’t even smart in hs. sure I did good but that’s because I cheated my way through and got lucky a lot. I never actually learned anythin#I never understood what I was being taught or how to apply it. I was good at English and art classes and that was it those were the only one#I truly felt I knew what I was doing in and grasped the subject matter well. I know I’m good at those two things and smart when it comes to#those subjects. but the thing is. in real life. both of those are useless skills. I can’t make money with them and it is highly unlikely#that will ever change. and yes I know not being able to make money with it doesn’t mean it’s useless but like it kinda does. capitalism#sucks. I know that. we all do. but that doesn’t change that we live in a capitalist society and it’s unlikely to actual change in my lifetim#so I’m stuck to try and figure out how to live in it. but I have no skills I can make money with so I will live my entire life poor and#miserable and working dead end jobs that make me want to kill myself. I’m not good at socialization I’m so fucking bad at it so I can’t work#any kind of job that hinges on networking or sales or human interaction which is MOST JOBS but I’m also too stupid for anything related to#STEM. I tried two different stem degrees and flunked out of both of them because I am a FUCKING IDIOT and I know there’s no point in trying#to go back to school for another one. but no degree in anything I naturally have a knack for will help me find a decent well paying job. ill#just be wasting my money to go to school for something like that. and then like. I don’t even think I’ll ever get married and I def won’t#ever have kids. so I can’t even put any hopeful stock in just being happy with a family one day. I know a lot of ppl who don’t like their#careers but they’re fine with that because they’re happy with their family but like I don’t even have that and I won’t ever have that. I#have NOTHING to strive for and NOTHING I am good at that’s meaningful I’m going to fail at having a career and a family and I know that#doesn’t mean I won’t be happy in theory but by societal standards I am and always will be a fucking failure of a person and since I do live#in this society yeah. it’s kinda fucking true. and I don’t know what to do about that. I’m just tired. I’m tired of being afraid and#struggling and going through patches of wanting to kill myself because of this because like what’s the point. I’ll never have anything#better so what in the actual hell is the point of me existing. and I know I’m being ridiculous and my brain is eating itself and none of#this is probably even true but that doesn’t change that it FEELS like it is a lot of times and esp right now and I don’t know what to do#to anyone who reads this I’ll be fine tbh prob as soon as tomorrow like dw about it I just need to get it out so I stop stewing in it.#I’m just. yeah. not having a great time rn but I left work so I’m gonna cry and then maybe sleep for a bit and hope that helps#kaz rambles
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lemememeringue · 2 years ago
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struggling to process today's session. I am not having a good brain day and it's deeply frustrating to Speak Wrong
#mine#lem experiences cognitive behavioural torture#well. not Wrong. just that spaghetti at wall word vomit until I find a topic I can string together multiple sentences for.#I meant to gather my thoughts the previous night but didn't#touched briefly on my fear of mental deterioration. I tried and probably failed once again to express how little I'm worried abt my body#which is frustrating in a different way bc I'm NOT as comfortable sharing my dx rap sheet as I used to be so I'm greatly understating#how much the body is zapping from me. like it's not one or two comorbidities it's like 8 and no I WON'T be seeing another specialist#''but don't you want to know what's wrong?'' I know what's wrong old man. I'm not having another 70$ copay to be told it's ''not THAT bad''#I'm getting closer to angry eye contact tho so that's nice. I hope he's the sort that would respond involuntarily to a glare.#there's so much internal discomfort and I need to expel it onto someone else#anyway I told him abt the walk w big sis and he was like ''that's p far'' ??? no?? ''it's a couple miles and a steep hile'' yes.#''that's a lot'' no? ''it is if you don't regularly do that'' ?? I agree w this statement but I cannot apply it to myself#yeah yeah going from 0 to 100 bad but ????? the goal was to coffee shop? I met the goal? why is goal moved backwards?#''you could try walking half the distance on the less steep route for a couple days'' BUT WHY#I DID THE THING#I HAVE PROVEN MYSELF CAPABLE WHY MUST I DO EXTRA#the fucking logistics of this sucks. now instead of one good day when the weather and my schedule and pain levels align... I need several??#I think this is to build up stamina and get me out of the house but holy fuck there's a reason I don't go out more often#it took a 4day weekend and a fucking miracle to go on the first walk#during my complaining he mentioned that my trouble w visual overwhelm was align w a symptom of ''one of the diagnoses your mom suspected''#and it's just A) ... duh. it's the 'tism. B) she was repeating the words of my doctor. C) why does this guy not believe I'm autistic#clearly I'm not bothering him enough. I must find a way to rectify this immediately#lem has a body
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vashwoodtears · 27 days ago
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time to get really fucking high
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