#no one else can but in turn therefore most ppl just. Do Not understand him the way he wants to be understood. all the layers all the

[cathymee]

cont. i love rambling in the tags + no u can never make me make a post that has like 100 words in it

[stalebriochebuns]

I know I don’t post but I wanna praise My Hero’s world building so bad / a Bakugou Katsuki appreciation post.

I wanna talk about society, specifically it’s views on heroism.

Bakugou and Deku are products of their society obviously. But what I don’t think people see is that they’re meant to be different extremes of the same problem.

Hero worship.

The problem is that society has given a specific set of criteria that defines a hero... ie a Licence. It’s the whole thing Stain despised, the idea that a hero no longer can be defined by their deeds or who they save but by a government issued card for passing a test. It completely takes away from the concept of a hero existing for the people and turns it into straight capitalism.

There’s a quote that I heard and can’t remember where it came from that goes along the lines of ‘A villain can exist without a hero, but a hero cannot exist without a villain.’ Which I think is true, being a hero revolves around the existence of villains but that’s entirely ignored in BNHA’s world.

And those heroes are glorified. Put on a pedestal by civilians, and I’m not saying they shouldn’t be, they’re heroes but what it results in is expectations for the next generation to live up to. So children are encouraged to be like those hero’s and unwittingly the parents place value on children based on their quirks. They’ve internalised this idea that Good quirks = greatness. And it’s not something new, often times fiction is a reflection of reality, because reality gives context for the issues within that fictional world. You’ll always find things that remind you of the real world. Here this idea that what you’re born with biologically determines greatness reminds me of how Chinese family’s used to value male babies over female babies, simply because that’s part of my culture. Others might read into it differently. These issues are transcendental, that is why there can be so many interpretations.

Anyway, willingly or not, the adults perpetuate this idea of Good Quirk = Greatness, thus stigmatising No Quirk/ bad Quirk = Failure.

Deku is quirkless, he’s the opposite of what society wants and therefore suffers at the hands of hero worship. He’s pushed aside as the minority, and if you think about it that 20% of the population being quirkless is going to mainly consist of the older generation since quirks are genetically inherited so he’s really insulated, I wouldn’t be surprised if the first person he met his age who was also quirkless was Melissa (From The Two Heroes movie). His own mother telling him she’s ‘Sorry’ after he finds out that he’s quirkless only backing up this idea that he’s different and that he should be pitied. And we look up to our parents, so coming from Inko, Izuku was on the way to internalising that view also. And in some ways he has, I might be wrong about this but when he finds out that Melissa is Quirkless he apologises to her also, he’s doing to others exactly what had been done to him because that’s what humans do, we replicate behaviour.

Bakugou is exactly what they want and from the moment he’s gotten his quirk he’s not only been put on a pedestal by peers but by adults too, adults who should be his superiors are putting him above themselves, no wonder he gets an inferiority complex. He’s told he ‘will be a hero’. Unfair expectations to ever put on a child who hasn’t had the real world experience to decide his own career just yet. And so it manifests into an inferiority complex that the show actually admits to him having. He was never given any other option than to be a hero.

He was told for his whole life he’d be the best so to see someone who was always behind him move forward made him feel inadequate obviously, his lashing out isn’t excused by society’s involvement but can explain it. He’s working on it though. Working with Deku. Helping him improve. He’s shown character development. And it’s not just that, he’s driven solely by the idea of ‘winning’ which some might see as conceited but ‘winning’ is vague, it has no meaning, he chooses the challenge, he’s the only one who can define what ‘winning’ means to him. Some might think ‘winning’ means glory, or money or fame and he wants to be No.1 so there’s an aspect of that but it could just mean no casualties, everyone surviving, everyone being saved. Which I think is interesting.

Something else I think is admirable is that in his mind all opponents are just that, opponents. That’s why he goes all out when fighting Uraraka during the Sports festival, he said it himself. That it doesn’t matter that she’s a girl, she’s a girl that shouldn’t be underestimated. He doesn’t see her as weak. Even when the crowed and Present Mic got mad at him for being rough while fighting her. A fucking feminist Icon.

And he’s not just the typical 2 dimensional bully. He’s canonically got the best grades in the class, above Iida even. He goes to bed at reasonable times (8:30) most of the time. He studies, he even helped Kirishima. He works hard and it’s not just a natural talent which makes his character even better.

He feels guilt for being the catalyst for All Might’s down fall. They both idolised the hero and he felt like a fucking BURDEN. The self awareness he has is impeccable, understanding that he cannot control everything and being so angry about it, and why? Because he was told he could do anything he put his mind to, and he was discovering for the first time that that was a lie, that those adults were liars.

And when the villains kidnapped him he told them to fuck off. He was a hero through and through. He wouldn’t join them.

He’s a hero. A terribly misguided hero born from unrealistic expectations of children

He’s the epitome of gifted kid syndrome. He’s got a complex and major anxiety issues because of it. Imagine being told that they’re better than everyone else your age as a kid? You’ll believe it. Of course you’ll think you’re better bc the adults told you you were.

And it contrasts so well with Deku, Because their issues are due to the same societal pressure albeit different sides of that same scale.

That’s why ppl like him. He’s trying but just like Deku he was given an unfair disadvantage

He’s as much of an underdog. He’s a child who’s unlearning everything he’d been taught about himself.

[normal-thoughts-official]

i'm not trans but i want to write trans magnus, what are ig the dos and don'ts? (only if you dont mind <3)

i don't mind! happy to reply to those. altho i'll be real, there's a lot of stuff, so it's a bit hard, which is why i'd say that my first tip is to have a sensitivity reader (even better if it's multiple). i even offer to do that, more trans magnus content is what i want! so i'd tell you to consider that

i'm going to make a list, but i ask you that first of all, you try to understand the reasons why i'm saying what i'm saying (i'm trying to outline them as clearly as possible) instead of just taking it as a checklist of what you're supposed to write or not. the most important thing is that you understand why certain things are/can be harmful, and approach them accordingly. there is rarely ever going to be a rule like "EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU DO THIS THAT'S TRANSPHOBIC". it depends a lot on the story and how you do it

(sidenote: of course there are things that ARE always transphobic, like using men in dresses as the butt of a joke. but that's not the case for most things, and I hope this kind of very obviously transphobic trope is already understood to not be a good thing doiajdsoija)

other than that, i think the first things that come to mind are the following (i'll try to have more do's than don't's cuz i feel like giving you a path to follow is more helpful than paths NOT to):

DO research about transphobic tropes in media and make sure you understand why they are harmful. that's a great way to avoid the most glaringly obvious Bad Takes™

DO try to understand your character's identity as much as you can. are they a trans man/woman? are they nonbinary? if they are nonbinary, what do they identify with? you don't have to have a fully fleshed out identity, but at least know whether they lean more towards neutral, fluid, multiple gendered, outside of the gender binary, etc. if you want a culturally specific gender, KNOW WHICH ONE. have details. and do your research on that. i don't recommend doing that if you don't know exactly what you're talking about

DO try to incorporate the character being trans into your understanding of their backstory. did they have help from their community? what was that like? how did that influence other parts of their story? when did they realize and when did they come out? being trans is going to have an impact on a person's story, so the more you know about that, the more you can build a character that feels real, not a cis person with "trans" slapped on their forehead

however, DON'T have their entire backstory and life be about them being trans. that's not how it works with anyone. you want to understand how being trans intersects with their life, not reduce everything about them to being trans. your goal here should be to incorporate the aspects that are related to that person being trans and the ones that are not into one thing that feels cohesive, because that how it works

DO wait until it's pertinent to mention the fact that your character is trans. it's kind of *sigh* when the fic starts like "Magnus Bane (who is trans) was buying groceries". that feels like what i just mentioned in the last don't: everything revolves around him being trans. you don't want that. if it only comes up halfway through the fic, then it only comes up halfway through the fic. i actually think that's kinda rad because it really normalizes a character being trans, but it all depends on what the rest of the story is like

DO approach their transness like any other element in the story. if it's a light-hearted story, you don't have to approach their transness from an angsty perspective. that doesn't even necessarily mean u can't approach transphobia as a topic, but it's just weird when the whole fic is happy and upbeat and then suddenly there's an on-screen transphobic microaggression and the person is very sad, and then back to upbeat. if you really want to broach this topic on your light-hearted fic, you can do it in ways such as "*flops down on the couch* god, i'm exhausted. some asshat tried to pick up a fight with me today" you know? again, i'm not saying "don't talk about X or Y subject", you just don't want the tone to be completely different from the rest of your story. it feels not only like his transness is out of place (which alienates the reader) but also like just... bad writing, i guess you don't have to take that as an absolute rule, just... as with anything else you're writing, make sure that it fits the story you're telling. if it's gonna have a different tone when u mention something, know why and how you want to do it

DON'T feel obligated to approach every aspect of their identity/backstory/everything they face as a trans person. it's good that you, the author, know it, so you can even know what is or isn't important to mention. but you don't have to give the reader a whole exposé on his transness. approach what's relevant

DO include them making jokes, puns about being trans, having other trans friends, etc. it just feels more real and we do all that all the time. it's just unrealistic for a trans person to hear the word "transparent" and not crack a joke (with people they feel safe with, of course)

when you do mention them being trans, please DON'T treat it like a big deal. when the whole narrative stops so you can mention that a character is trans, it just feels like their transness is a spectacle for a cis reader. similarly, if the reader can tell that their reaction is supposed to be like "*gasp!*" it just feels like trans people aren't supposed to be seen as normal. i'm talking specifically about how the narrative treats it here, not necessarily what happens in the story. you could have a scene where the character comes out, for example, and then of course this is going to be a big deal for them. but there's that, and then there is "magnus bane put on his binder. that's right, hE IS TRANS!". a trope i wouldn't call harmful but that i particularly hate and turns me immediatelly off any story, particularly, is the thing where the character is like "I put on my binder, getting ready for school. I am trans, and anyone who has a problem with it can fight me". no one thinks about how they are trans every time they do anything that's related to their transition. that'd be exhausting. you don't brush your teeth and are like "that's right. MY TEETH NEED CLEANING! i want to avoid caries, because i am human and that might happen"

DO try to think of every element of how they express their transness in relation to that character. you don't have to outline the reasons in the story (that'd be exhausting) but don't just go "well, magnus is trans, therefore he wears a binder and a packer, wants surgery, and [list of Transmasculine Traits™]". WOULD magnus want a binder? WOULD he want a packer? remember that those things are all choices, not a checklist that determine whether or not you're trans. each trans person is an individual, and thus each trans person's relationship with their transness and how they express it is different. so treat your character as such

DON'T make him being trans something that is only used for sad things!!!!!! again, i'm not saying "you can't approach transphobia", but if him being trans only comes up when it's to bring Bad Things His Way, it just feels like being trans = bad for you. know what i mean? try to mention it in neutral or positive ways more than you do in negative ways. a few things that i think are positive: you get to choose your own name, you get to rethink every bit of how you want to express yourself instead of just following a script, you get a lot of friends who Get It, you have the jokes about all the guys named Skylar, the flag is cute, transitioning feels so good! every new thing is a discovery. coming out as trans and transitioning is very liberating, it feels like you are so much more real. sex feels a lot less like a scripted ordeal when you have a completely different relationship with your body, i feel like trans ppl naturally communicate a lot more about sex and explore a lot more of different ways to touch their bodies even when they don't necessarily have genital dysphoria. the puns and jokes are also a nice bonus. the slang is so fucking funny. you learn a lot about your body and hormones and the such just from having friends who hormonize and looked up every detail. as for neutral things, just being like "magnus put on his binder" is a neutral thing. it's just a part of his life! when you only remember that a character is trans because they are going through violence, it just makes people scared of being trans

and i guess those are the most important pointers? just, don't make trans identity a whump thing and remember that not every trans person is the same, build that character just like you do any other. if anyone wants to add more stuff, feel free to! i have a tendency to forget to mention or explain certain things (like "don't make trans ppl the butt of a joke") because to me they are obvious and i forget that they aren't obvious outside of trans circles. i have very few cis friends (that's something that makes a difference too) so ya know. diajsda

another tip i think can be helpful is, if you're uncertain whether or not something sounds natural, try to imagine that instead of talking about a trans character, you're talking about a person who wants to be a mechanic. when you're building a character who wants to be a mechanic, that can be part of a super angsty backstory about how they lost their parents in a car crash due to a car malfuction... or not. it can have relevance to a certain point of the story, or not. it can fit naturally into this part, or it can feel like you just really want the reader to know that the person wants to be a mechanic. it can be integral to the plot, or it can be just another thing about that character. you know? that sounds kinda lame, but i think it's a good way to try to think about what you're writing without all the pre-conceptions and pressure not to Fuck Up Your Representation. idk, something to try out and consider whether or not works for you

if you have any questions, let me know! and ask other trans ppl about their perspectives too, i'm just one person. if you want a sensitivity reader, i'd really be super happy to help :) just DM me, or whatever you feel more comfortable with

[laughing-with-god]

BTS as Yandere (Based on their Venus and Mars Signs)

(We don’t know BTS’s exact birthtime and location so the placements are just general predictions and not precise.  Astrology is something I think reveals a lot about a person but I am in no way saying that all the members are like this)

Seokjin-

Venus in Capricorn.

Takes a long time for it to develop yandere habits/mindset.  But once he gets there, there is no turning back.  

Probably fell for you bc he can see a future with you. He’s very strategic and attracted to accomplished individuals so your career, work ethic or lifestyle probably drew his attention.  You had to impress him in some way.

Fan of older partners.  it’s okay if you’re younger but you still have to be mature.  Childish behavior really pisses him off.  

Capricorn is about control, once he has you he wants to be in charge of the smallest things about you.  Your diet, what products you use, what shows you watch, the music you listen to and the friends you spend time with. 

Public image is very important to him, so he will not deal with any disobedience esp if you guys are out in public.  Wants the world to think you two are the perfect couple.   

Not that romantic, but very traditional.  Obsessed with planning for the future with you.  Looks at houses, talks about the schools nearby for your future kids.  While a venus in Pisces might write poetry for you and get you flowers, venus in Capricorn would ask to sign up for a joint bank account.  That’s romance to them.

Venus in Capricorn apparently like bigger butts, thighs and even duskier complexion.  Tall partners too.

Venus in Capricorn likes to take their time.  Even though he’s yandere, he still wants to progress slowly with you to savor the buildup and think about the story he will tell his kids about how he got with their mother.  No kisses on the first few dates, probably took months for you guys to fuck.  

Mars in Cancer

very protective of you.

He will have a family with you.  That’s not up for discussion.

Although his venus in cap makes him attracted to ambitious women, his mars in cancer makes it so that after being together for a while, he would ask you to be a stay at home sweetheart while he works and provides for you.

loves being depended on.  His cap and cancer both agree on this.  

Very lenient on punishment.  His cap will try to set harsh ground rules, but if you were to break them, just give him some teary eyes and he would fold completely.  he tends to settle on lectures instead of physical punishment. 

“Darling, it’s never to early to start shaping our future.  We need to figure out what private school to send our kids to and that would dictate where we live next.”

Yoongi-

Venus in Aries.

While other members would despise a partner who fights back all the time and gets mouthy, Yoongi would adore it.  

The sassier and more outspoken you are, the more Yoongi loves you.

One of the few members to not mind if you are independent, in fact it turns him on to know how capable you are on your own.  

He likes tension and fighting, bc it keeps the spark alive and he thinks you’re the sexiest when you are fiery and livid.  

Likes the chase.  Will def play your game.  If you give into him too easily, he’ll loose interest very fast,

Tends to like more tomboyish partners, laidback and straighforward.  Don’t be too sensitive or feminine, it will only anger him.

Likes for the relationship to move fast.  Will fuck you on the fist date if you let him.  He doesn’t understand the concept of waiting when you set his heart on fire like it’s nothing.  

Do. Not. Undermine. Him.  

If you say something, esp about his masculinity, he will flip shit and prob go out to kill some ppl just to prove that he is no bitch.  aries are sensitive to their assertiveness being tested.  Very competitive as well.  

Quick tempered at times, but not the type to hold a grudge.  

Any competitors for your affection will be dealt with.  utmost violence as well.  

Not the type to take you out for dinner and a movie every time you guys go out on dates, wants to have exciting dates with you.

Enjoys the company of younger partners, a youthful energy is needed to keep up with him.

Mars in Cancer.

protective as hell.

He will be violent, but never at you. The type to hurt people around you rather than you.  Just enough to get his point across.

“Thanks to your bitchy behavior, (friend) can expect a broken arm tomorrow.  Hope you’re happy.”  

possessive over you.  

Needs to be told you love him.  Just for reassurance.

A family would be nice, but he would be happy with just one kid or some pets.  

Your guys’ shared home is sacred to him.  People can’t just come over.

“Doll face, I’m bored.  Let’s fight.  We can have hot makeup sex afterwards.”

Namjoon-

Venus in Scorpio.

Shit.  

Run bitch.

High key, venus in Scorpio is one of the most yandere placements to exist.  

Obsession is his middle name.

The moment he met you, he knew he had to have you.  His mindset is almost scary.  

He could barely know you but he already is experiencing a need to consume your entire mind, soul and body like no other.  

The deepest desire which taints his mind until he cannot think of anything else.  

Convinced you two are soulmates.  

Attracted to partners that are sexy, mysterious, able to enchant him whilst barely trying.  Darker and more sensual clothes are preferred on his lovers.  For girls, something very womanly and grown.  For a guy, something manly and appealing to your form.  

Possessive.  An unquenchable thirst to dominate his lover.  He loves the idea of completely taking over someone so magnetizing.  

You have to be very intelligent, he needs stimulating conversation.  You can’t just be sexy without a brain.  

really likes your scent.  Not the perfume you wear or the shampoo you use, but your actual natural scent.  Might sniff your used clothes to get it.  Doesn’t mind if you haven’t showered in a couple days.  (weird but I read this somewhere and I can totally see it so hop off)

Doesn’t take things slow.  why should he when he knows that you two are going to end up together either way?  would fucking marry you after knowing you for two months.  

Not above mind games in order to get you to stay.

Very romantic, but some of the things he says raises red flags.

“I would kill for you, (Y/n).”

Mars in Cancer.

This only enhances some of his venus in scorpio.  

VERY protective.  VERY possessive.

Way more likely to end up with a younger partner, this would also aid his venus in scorpio’s need to dominate and consume his partner.  

Unlike the other mars in cancers, I think he would physically punish you at times.  (more sexually themed punishments though) never enough to actually seriously harm you.  A light spanking here and there that feeds his need to be the dominant one.  

very smart with getting rid of people in your life.  It happens over time and they would always be labelled missing.  

Wants to be the only person you need, will provide for you too.  Idk if he would want a fam bc venus in scorpio is very tunnel vision and kids may fuck with that.  

“We’re soulmates baby.  Don't kid yourself.  No one on this god green earth will understand you or care for you as much as I do.”

Hoseok-

Venus in Pisces.  

Attracted to softer and sweeter partners.  He wants to be slapped into a dreamy state when he sees you.

Very romantic.  Poems, songs, flowers, chocolates, five-star dining ect.  

eager to please you in any way.  Type to leave his house at 4 am and hit up your place to deliver ice cream just bc you ran out.

very emotional with you.  Your phone could die and you can’t answer his text, therefore 30 minutes later Hoseok would be sobbing and begging at your doorstep to not leave him.  

Very self-pitying.  Hard to explain but have you ever been mad at someone and instead of defending themselves, they just kinda say stuff like; “You’re right.  I’m the worst kind of person.  I should just die already.”  

He’s like that whenever you’re mad at him.  He likes to play the guilt card a lot.  

Enjoys smaller lovers, or petite people.  Likes feeling bigger than his partner.  (don't come for me guys, I literally just read this and it kinda made sense to me. Pisces are depicted as more elfish figures so he probably finds it attractive.)

Cuddling is so vital to him.  it’s as if he charges himself up or something because he can literally experience withdrawls.

Loves it if you’re really sweet and charitable. also if you are into arts or occult themes, Hoseok would be so intrigued and want to learn from you

Works himself into obsessive fantasies, Pisces love escapism and he tends to day dream about you 24/7.  

Least likely among the members to be violent to you or anyone else for that matter.

He would hurt himself before anyone else.  He likes acting very depressed or gloomy (in extreme cases, getting himself bruised and bloody) in order to get your affection and worry.  

Mars In Aquarius.

Still stands true that he wouldn’t hurt other people.  He’s very logical despite being yandere and he knows that you’re not sleeping with the waiter who lingered too long.  

Aquarius is very logical, so he could be very calculating with his emotional manipulating.  Like tell you his dad just got diagnosed with cancer and induldge in your cuddles and coddling, but little did you know his dad has had it for years.  

Punishment is very aloof.  You just loose privilages.  

Least likely to have an age preference out of the members.

Into some really kinky or odd/taboo things in the bedroom.  At the very least, he’s very willing to experiment.  

“Sugarplum~!  Aren’t you so sad for me right now?  Please, give me cuddles.  Those always make me feel better.”

Jimin-

Venus in Scorpio

Very desperate to know every little thing he can about you.  

You haunt his mind even if it was just a brief encounter that you had with him.  

also wants to consume your very mind, body and soul.  

Attracted to sexy over cute.  Curves, dark and sensual clothes, alluring mannerisms and husky voice.  He wants to be magnetized by you, unable to forget you even if he tried.

Obsessive, mind consuming, passionate love for you which depths kind of terrify you.  

loyal and dedicated.  Your enemies are his enemies now.  (This includes anyone who happened to give you a less than warm glance).  

Sex is very important to a venus in scorpio, he feels like it’s the only way to properly express his love through mind-numbing pleasure he can give to you.  

He moves fast once he’s with you.  he doesn’t want to go through the fluffy bullshit of waiting so long to kiss, fuck or move in together when he’s 100% convinced you are his soulmate.  

Jealous.  No one should be able to look at you the way he does.  He’ll loose it.  

Wants to control you.  it’s the end-game.  

Doesn’t mind if you are younger or older but he will be the one in charge.  

A partner who has the appearance of dominance but will be very submissive to him is what he craves.

Likes marking his territory.  Leaves bruises, hickies or makes you wear couple clothes, his clothes or a necklace or something to make him feel the thrill of ownership.  

will write his name on you if you let him.  Just a permanent markered ‘Park Jimin’ on your forearm or something.  

But he would be so happy if you did the same to him as well.

You belong to him just as much as he belongs to you.

Mars in Scorpio.

Protective, possessive.  you know the drill.  

Punishments with you are sexual.  

Power play with him in charge is also a big factor in your sex life.  

Can and will murder anyone he deems a threat.  

Even your family and friends have to keep their distance.  

“Jagi, my name is beginning to fade off your arm.  Let’s touch it up, yeah?”

Taehyung-

Venus in Aquarius.

Attracted to someone very different and unique. 

It can be your looks, your ethnicity, personality, career or interests but for whatever reason; you stood out.  

Big age gaps are seen here.  Doesn’t matter if you are younger or older but chances are, it’s by ALOT.

Doesn’t follow dating normalities.  Couldn't give less of a shit about dating or courting. if he wants you, he is going to get you.  

Turned on by taboo relationships and sex.  Like if it’s forbidden for you two to be together, it’ll only spur him on more.  

Teacher/student, boss/worker, affairs, age gaps.  Anything society might look at with an eyebrow raise.  

Very kinky in the sheets, wants to try everything at least once.  

Aquarius is very cold and aloof sometimes, so Tae wouldn’t get jealous.  He has mastered the mask of indifference.  If someone tries talking to you in effort to get with you, Tae would just laugh bc it’s almost funny how they thought they had a chance with you.  

You must be very interesting intellectually, he wants a partner he can learn from.  

His yandere habits come out when you try to block him out from your life, or try to lessen his control over you.  

He craves authority over you, this is only added to bc his mars is in Capricorn. 

Wants to make small changes about you, then eventually big ones.  

Like it’s really subtle too, he’ll say something like “Oh, I really like that style, you should wear it more.”  And then a month later, he’s in control of your wardrobe. 

His methods are very sly.  He doesn’t threaten you or make a big show of putting you into submission, he much rather just plant a seed in your mind and wait for nature to take it’s coarse.  

Loves surprising you and playing games.  Will stop talking to you for like a week and then theres a knock on your door and damn, he sent you Gucci.

Doesn’t want you to be able to figure him out.  Always thinking of the next unpredictable thing he could do to keep you one your toes.  

Mars in Capricorn.  

After the push and pull game is over and he has put you into a submissive state for him, he wants to begin a more traditional life.  House, kids, you became a stay at home lover.    

Just bc he becomes a family man doesn’t mean that the freaky sex has to stop.

Possessive of you and your future kids.  

The type to teach his future kids on yandere and how they should make sure ‘mommy never tries to leave daddy’.  

Punishments are physical, and very harsh.  He’s all about that discipline and will not be talked down when he thinks you broke one of his rules. 

“Why is it wrong for me to make choices for you?  I know what best after all.  Have I ever failed you?  Even when people told me to break up with you because our relationship wasn’t cookie-cutter.”

Jungkook

Venus in Libra. 

The opposite of Yoongi. He wants someone who is very feminie and ‘girly.’

Dresses, pastel colors, nice perfume, charming, docile manners and sweet sounding voice.  

Wants very bad to prove himself to you.  Virgos and Libras are people pleasers so the fact that his sun and venus are these two signs just tells me that he desperately will try to get you to like him.  

Will change his style, his hair, his voice whatever he has to do to get you to pay him attention.  

Very romantic.  Thinks you deserve the best so that will always reflect in the dates he takes you on or the gifts he gives you.  

Libra is ruled by venus so love is something that he simply cannot live without.  He fantasizes about marriage and furture plans with you.  

Will call you ‘wifey’ if you let him.  

He adores you.  

Worships the ground you walk on.  

Which is why his yandere tendencies will have to walk around your desires.  

Like you tell him to stop looking through your bedroom windows at night,  he can’t bring himself to do it anymore bc that would be going against you directly.  

BUT you didn’t say he couldn’t install cameras.

King of loopholes.  

Like a mechivous kid who loves his mom and doesn’t want to get scolded, but he still wants to sneak in some cookies from the jar.  

He isn’t the punisher of the relationship, YOU are.  

If he does something that angers you, just don’t talk to him for literally an hour or so and he’d go crazy.  

the fear of losing you is too great.  

Another one who really enjoys your scent.  It’s like crack to him.  

Prone to stealing a small thing froom you, like a scarf or a blanket that has your scent on it.  

If you were to be away from him for a while, he would just steal your perfume and spray it on his hoodie so he could feel like you were hugging him.  

Might even buy your perfume for himself.....

Mars in Scorpio.

Very protective of you and cannot handle the possibility of anyone being with you the way he is.  

He will get very brutal with anyone he considers a threat, no one is safe.  You can literally walk an old man across the street and Jungkook would still think the fucker was trying to cup a feel. 

very sexual, switches between being dominant and submissive.  It’s mainly focused on pleasing you bc of libra and virgo but mars is the planet of sex and with that in scorpio means he can be a dom.

Jungkook is (and I say this with all my heart) a switch with sub preference.

Wants to know you like no one else ever has.  You know how the members with scorpio venus are so intense? Jungkook has that side to him too.    

….it’s just hidden behind the sweeter venus libra.

“Princess, please stop ignoring me.  You’re my goddess, I can’t handle not being acknowledged by you.  Just tell me what to do to make it better.”

[janiedean]

How do you feel about fic writers making ugly characters “less ugly”? (Like saying the unburnt side of sandor’s face is handsome to look upon or saying brienne is ‘plain’ or even that plain characters are beautiful etc)

I think I need to put two premises before I answer this, as in:

one: people can write what they want. if they want to do that, it’s their prerogative and I’m not gonna say they can’t regardless of how much I like it or not especially because I’m not paying for it and everyone can write what they like and if no one’s an ass about it that’s for the best, so even if I hated it I wouldn’t say people had to stop doing it for whichever reason also bc it’s not a thing you solve by censoring

two: we need to really make a point here that is that *beauty* is a subjective matter and the issue is how those characters are perceived at large, not by their partner/the person who is in love with them for a whole lot of reasons

example: if you asked me personally ‘if you could have a night out with one asoiaf character and have the longest one night stand of your life at the end of which both of you are too tired to walk who would you pick’, I’d straight-up tell you sandor without even thinking about it because he’s exactly my type entire package included, so if I, a person with that preference, writes sandor with anyone, his partner would most likely be into the whole package and would most likely find him hot regardless of everyone else, and maybe someone else who writes jb has a thing for tall women and whatever so to them describing brienne as plain ugly wouldn’t work etc, and it’s fanfic so I can’t exactly go ask people for philology. (or for one I know people who’d pass on jon and would go for sam without thinking instead etc.)

also, there’s another part where if you fall for someone for their personality first (regardless of the looks issue) when they’re conventionally not attractive either that won’t matter or you’ll probably start noticing things about them you actually do like (unless it’s like jb where you don’t realize what you’re into when you walk into it) and so on, which means that if a fic starts with A finding B not attractive but then they fall for each other and at the end they’re like B is actually hot then it wouldn’t really be a problem because like..... not everyone has the moment where you look at someone and go like OH YEAH THAT’S IT THAT’S THE PERSON, sometimes it grows on you

with that stated, my problem isn’t if the characters are described as ‘less ugly’ or not or if their partner doesn’t see them as such (ie I wouldn’t mind jaime going at brienne about how much he thinks her legs are hot as hell or her eyes or whatever because he would think that and he would find that hot regardless of everyone else) especially because again looks are subjective. I have a problem if their ugliness/perceived ugliness is a plot point and it’s ignored. I mean, I can’t feasibly buy a fic where sandor doesn’t have self-loathing issues over his looks or hasn’t had them at some point before the entire thing started because that’s like..... a fundamental part of his character and if I read fic I go for stuff that has the characters being recognizable, because I want to read about *those* characters. or idk if you have a fic where brienne is a professional model or smth like that I couldn’t buy if it doesn’t discuss in the premise how she’s a sensation for that or how she would have had to go over a ton of insecurities to even show up for an audition, because canon!brienne has interiorized to hell and back that she’s unattractive and no one would find her beautiful, so a version where that doesn’t happen either is well-explained or to me doesn’t work, because if you take that away - ie how society sees her as ugly/not desirable - you have taken away 50% of her issues but then it’s not brienne anymore at least for me, also because since I relate to her because of shared experience thanks to people who decided I wasn’t attractive enough for standards (and I can assure you I’m way more standard than brienne is) I’m really not interested in reading a take where that isn’t taken into consideration.

that stated: people use fanfic for wish-fulfillment all the time and for doing coping/catharsis all the time, so what do I know if someone who writes fic where brienne is either plain or who looks like gwen christie without the unflattering cut they gave her in the show and so on (so she’s hot and the text says it) doesn’t relate to brienne and doesn’t feel better by writing her like that? I mean, I personally don’t and it wouldn’t work for me also because imvho the discourse on aesthetics should move from ‘what’s beautiful or not according to standards that change every century’ to ‘everyone has different tastes so anyone will be hot to someone even if the majority might not agree so we should point out that looks matter relatively little and it’s your personality that does and someone out there will like you regardless of what everyone else thinks’ so I really don’t feel the whole ‘we need to say that everything is beautiful’ vibe and it doesn’t work for me. but if it works for other people I’m no one to tell them not to.

in conclusion: I personally read fanfic where the societal weight of someone’s looks is a plot point when for that character being Not Standard Attractive is a plot point because that’s what I like and I don’t care for handwaving it (actually for me it’s better if it’s not handwaved and the characters find happiness regardless of it) and I wouldn’t read fic where that’s handwaved because idc, but I have no beef with anyone who ignores that, I just won’t read it but they can do whatever they want. especially because again, fanfic is fanfic ie free stories where we all do wish-fulfillment to a degree and I don’t find going after fanfic worth my time when I can choose to not read it and when the problem is that so-called *ugly* people have very little space/rep that way (ie where they don’t turn magically beautiful/their looks don’t get magically better with a month of gym and a makeover rather than just have someone who likes them for who they are just like that) in mainstream media and that’s on content creators and societal standards, not on people who write stories for free in their free time. if instead we’re discussing their partner finding those characters beautiful to look at I have zero issues with it whatsoever because again that’s subjective and to say one, it’s obvious that j. is attracted to b. from the beginning (no straight guy thinks so much about a woman’s breasts if he doesn’t feel attracted to her) but doesn’t understand it bc he doesn’t process being attracted to people that aren’t c., which means that the moment he figures out if he goes to her and tells her that oh hey wait I think small breasts and large shoulders and long legs are hot as hell you want to see how much that would absolutely be IC. he doesn’t have (or anyone you partner brienne with) to be into her despite her looks, because again, tastes, subjective. and so on. so like, that problem is nonexisting. if there’s a problem is how everyone else sees those characters and how they’re written in retrospect but again I don’t go tell people how to write fanfic especially when I haven’t paid for it and I can just stop reading it if I don’t care.

my problem is people writing so-called **meta** undermining those things and behaving like being perceived as unattractive all your life doesn’t fuck with you and therefore undermining brienne and her issues or sandor and his issues or anyone and their issues and making it pass like peak text analysis and then calling anyone who relates to those characters worse things, not with people writing fanfic no one obliges me to read when I’m nowhere near interested in ruining someone else’s wish fulfillment or telling them I don’t like it. there’s fic I wouldn’t read bc it’s ooc but I wouldn’t go tell the author. honestly, I have a lot better to do with my life than having an issue with ppl writing fanfic when if I have to use my energies for that there’s the immortal mafia au discourse which is actually offensive stuff seen as romantic. xD

[simcatcher]

57 Things About Me - Tag

I was tagged ageeeees ago by @purplepxls​ thank you honey <3

57 sounds like alot. Also why 57 ? 

1. I am a very tall girl with curls. I don’t make up unless I’m going out, but my job requires me to ! That’s one of the things I like about that job, it makes me feel pretty :)

2. I can spend days in my room as long as I can see the sun... Just to write. Or get inspiration. I’ll just take tea breaks and nourish myself from time to time lol.

3. I’ve been in love once or twice or more, but I’ve never really loved anyone. I never let them too close, and I get bored too easily... When the feelings are reciprocated, I mean. I long after the ones I couldn’t have more than after my actual exes, lol !

4. Loneliness never bothered me too much. I am a loner, I need my time alone to breathe. Now my friends start families and marriage and such and I’m just like wut ? nop, not at all. 

5. I used to party a lot, alot alot alot but now I’m less wild. I don’t drink much anumore except for a glass of red wine from time to time. The only leftovers of my uni years are my damn cigarettes lol. They’re sticky.

6. I have mood swings. One minute cheerful and loud, the next sad and quiet. I think all the time about plenty of things and this is a real mood trigger.

7. I’m not very trustable when it comes to dates, things you said, ‘let me know”. I don’t remember your secrets, I forget about the dates, I never ring back. I hate commitment and pressure and go for my own freedom. I do basically what I want.

8. This is starting to be long.

9. I think love hurts and this is the only battle I’ve never engaged because I don’t want to end up broken. I don’t see the point. And I hate romance lolol. Cheesy romance that is, impossible loves are my shit. 

10. I’m a sucker for horror movies. I love them. The creepier the better ! I’m not going for butchery though, I like when the story is mindwrecking. I like it even more actually. Should I have said thriller ? Ahah, Annabelle ain’t no thriller :D

11. I have my own car now ! Along with my own place, my own roomies, my job, I’ve never been this content before and when I look back at all the times I was about to give up, all the times I’ve kept on keeping on when I felt like it was useless, now I see it was all worth it, so so much worth it.

12. I don’t want to be a mom. I don’t want that responsibility, that life changing kind of committment. I want a cat. But even a cat seems hard to handle for me. I’ve had a kitty home (for a friend) for a while, and it’s... life changing. Not sure I mean it in a good way though. I really loved the part when the little baby woke me up with her meows or when she curled up against me at night or when she gave those very special head-bumps kind of hugs. God I miss her...

13. I think some events are meant to happen. Some other are meant to not happen. Sometimes when it’s not your fate it’s no use pushing and pushing again cause it only drains all your energy and you’re left flat and without substance. I’ve learnt that the hard way cause I’m kind of stubborn, I give myself 200% or I don’t. Sometimes if it’s meant to be it just happens, you DON’T have to push or rush, cause it comes to you naturally. And when it’s not for you it’s not, and the only thing to do is let go. That’s the hardest part.

14. I believe in miracles sometimes, or a little hand of Fate who knows. 

15. Looking at the night sky when there’s no one and nothing around but the wild animals outside is one of my favorite thing to do. Empty your head, breathe fresh air (well erm smoke a cig) and look up. I make up stories and find my own constellations. The last one I’ve found out is shaped like a wink / smile, and now that I got that job I dreamt to get, I can’t see it anymore in the sky. It’s still there though.

16. I don’t have a style, but if you ask my roomies they’d say ‘bohème’, which is fine by me. 

17. I like open spaces with little people. I like mountains, lakes, beaches and islands, I like big fields and feeling so small. I would love to be able to fly, but I’m afraid of heights. Since I’m afraid of heights, you can be sure I’m climbing on rooftops and trekking whenever I can (with friends. With friends, eh.) I mean, I try to fight against the fear, or no, it’s more like I want to understand it the best I can so I can know it by heart and never let it diminish me. Still a WIP lol

18. I don’t know continuity. I speak as I think, and it’s messy. Changing subjects is my specialty. Some think I don’t listen. Maybe I don’t, but I think I do, and I try !

19. I used to take anything. The anger, the sadness, anything to the point I couldn’t feel at all. Now it’s the opposite, if I’m angry I can’t (and won’t) contain myself, if I’m sad I’ll let myself cry. I’m done wearing a mask.

20. I don’t put labels on people. I don’t judge or, when I do I always try to get the other view. When ppl tell me someone has done this or that, I never take for granted that the person is a jerk. Ppl have reasons you never know about, and most of the times the issue is a communication issue. You don’t get what I mean, you twist it to fit your idea of it... anyway.

21. I love pizza and chocolate, but pizza more. Summer of 2015 was the sweetest summer of all for me. It was bright and warm. I was 21.

22. I feel so much. So, so so much some days it’s hard to keep up with the world. I feel so much and yet it’s like I’m the greatest self-absorbed person you’ll know. It’s always about me, about me, about me, and I guess that’s why I can’t be in a relationship and don’t really want to.

23. I read books in english and in french. Depends. Also I never read a book. I read plentuy, all in the same time, I start them in the middle, I go past and forward, there’s no written law about how to read a book but my roomate still thinks I’m weird.

24. I’m still 24 for a bit

25. But I’m turning 25 soon

26. Do you want to know when ?

27. No ?

28. Yes ? Well, that’s the 28th. Funny joke ain’t it ! the 28th of November, therefore a Sag lady here.

29. I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m going.

30. I feel empty and depressed if I don’t have something to fight for. Something I love to fight for I mean. When it’s something I don’t love, I still fight but it takes loads more of energy and I don’t know if I could do it again. 

31. Sometimes I feel like an old lady, sometimes like a little girl, but best is when I feel like a woman. A pretty red-lips/dark har young lady. It’s a nice feeling.

32. Where will I be when I’m 32 ?

33. I would really want to smoke a cigarette right now but I have to control myself cause I only have 4 left and I don’t have a car for now and where my parents live you need a car if you want to purchase cigarettes cause countryside means countryside we only have a hairdresser and a bakery around here

34. Mu little brother must be the person I love most in the whole damn universe, and though he drives me crazy like no one else I would go to the moon and back for him, he means the world to me

35. I have the best parents in the whole world

36. I wouldn’t trade my childhood memories for all the gold in the world

37. I’m quiet when you don’t know me, a little (hem, little) less when you do. 

38. I consider myself a fighter, cause though I try not to fall, I get up when I do and I don’t complain much.

39. I think I’ll stop at 41

40. I hate social media so much, I hate how they control our lives, I hate how the kids got smartphones and such and I wish they would still go out and play in the dirt like I used to cause those are the best memories I have and sometimes good memories are a good fuel to keep on

41. There we go

42. I love thunderstorms. They fascinate me. They make me happy for some reason. I love it.

Thank you, have a nice night, a nice day, a nice nap, a nice cookie and a nice life. Cheers <3

(I tag the ones who haven’t done it and would want to cause I’ve seen it on many blogs already ?)

[kewltie]

high-end escort!izuku au: where rising top hero ground zero seriously need a date to a super important mandatory gala and his idiotic friends bet that he can’t wrangle a date. while katsuki knows bullshit when he sees one he can’t help wanting to rise to it bc his agency is getting super annoyed that he keep bailing out of this function and to shut his so called friends so now he is stuck to find a date in 2 days. katsuki is GOOD but he’s not that good so he resorts to the discreet world of escort service and picked the most famous agency and asked for their number one. what he got was his former childhood friend who had spurned and hurt all grown up now and about to fucking rock his world. 

izuku 100000% never actually wanted or intended to be an escort. the sludge villain never happened so he’d never met all might and therefore never received OFA so he never got a chance to go to U.A and become the greatest hero that he is meant to be :((((. with his dream thwart izuku focuses on his study and kind of move listly through life with no goal bc if he can’t even become a hero what’s even the point. eventually during college days money became super tight and izuku doesn’t want to rely on his mother and make her carried the burden of it. so he started to pick up multiple jobs on the side along with his studies... and it get harder and harder to remain his grades so his education suffer and he’s kind of stuck bc if he give up on his job he has to worry about the cost of living and school but if he focus on just earning money then his of education suffer :((, the vicious circle of a poor college student. 

so on one of his more uh colorful jobs where he works as a server at a hostess club down in the night district of downtown and that’s where he meet all these women and learned all their tricks and trade just from watching them every night. there he sees how they convinced their clients to give up more and more money to the store and stay longer and it surprisingly isn’t them seducing their clients but knowing what to say and how to say in a way that appeal to their clients ego and personality. izuku may not be into it or understand it completely but he watches and learns bc though these women may not be working at a place that society deem as deplorble but they make do with what they have and they use it to the best of their ability and that izuku can understand and he admires them for it. 

one night while he’s working, there’s a v drunk customer who had mistaken izuku for one of the girls and izuku got severely hit on and groped but instead of punching the man izuku calmly removed the man’s hands from his ass and waist and says with a smile, “sir, i’m not a cheap thing that you can touch that easily. if you want me to service you why don’t you buy yourself and your group a drink?” and that’s how izuku got the man to shell out more money to store and so drunk that he can barely stand and totally forgot about izuku. he diffused the situation w/o making a huge deal out of it and that’s what bc he’d pay attention to his surrounding and adapt to the situation so it doesn’t escalate. 

during the entire scene, there’s this lady who has been sitting on the side (ladies customers are rare but not like deterred) but is there to scout host/hostess clubs around the area for her own escort agency and she saw how izuku managed to deal w/ the customer with just a few words and a smile and she wants him to work for her. she approachs him after work and offers him a deal and compensation plan that looks too good to be true if he come work for her and use what he learned in that club for her clients. izuku ofc doesn’t right away accept it bc it’s kinda suspicious but she told him to look her up and give her a chance. he ends up doing it and that’s how izuku fall into the escort profession. 

turns out not only did the skills he’d picked up at hotess club was extremely helpful to him in his new job but natural analyze skill with his clients is the core of his job bc then he learn swhat they like and become whatever they want. he is able to read the mood & body language of his clients and knows what to say and how to say it so they response positively toward him. 

like for example one of his regular clients is a hieress to a mass fortune and she’s beautiful and smart and highly skill in corporate trade so it’s a double edge sword bc she’s so talented and beautiful that men finds her intimidating and get scared of her. so she look for in izuku is a lover/friend who can she can lean on: letting her rant about her job & frustration, offer her emotional comfort, cuddles with her from time to time, and treat her like every other girl, like she MATTERS and izuku delivers it in spade. he would bring her her fav food & flowers whenever he meet her, they have sleepover where he would paint her nails as she vent to him about her job and the ppl she work with, and he takes on date where they go to hole in the wall small family run resturants that she’d never went and nobody else even consider she would go bc well she’s an ELITE so ofc she wouldn’t be caught dead there but SHE LOVES IT. like these things he do to consider his client personality and their life choices is v v v important to his job bc he’s constantly adapting and changing to meet their needs.

what work for one doesn’t always work for other bc he also have an older male client who is divorced and lonely bc all his kids are grown up now so he’s looking for a companion, someone that make him feel needed and useful. so izuku acts spoiled and demanding, wanting the man to buy him stuff that he doesn’t actually need and requesting to meet him when the man is supposed to be in a meeting or throw a tantrum when the man cancelled a plan and it’s seem dumb and innocous but the client ABSOLUTELY LOVES IT bc it’s exactly what he wants to have someone rely on him and make him feel importat like they need him for his money and position even though it’s shallow but he wants that and izuku is there to give it to him. so maybe at first izuku felt super guilty that he’s lying or faking it for the money but the more he’s in this job he realize it’s just playing the part of their boyfriend, lover, friend, etc he’s selling an idea and the idealized version of what they want so he’s doing it for them as much as it is for himself... or so he thinks. 

but first and foremost izuku ISN’T PAID TO have sex with his client. he’s paid to be their perfect fantasy boyfriend/lover etc but if he does have sex with client it’s bc he genuine likes them and wants it for himself. but ofc ppl will misconstrued his job as soon as he say escort and think prostitution instead and though that may be true in other cases where the business can get sleazy and $ in exchanged for sex but not izuku and his agency. over the years of working at this job izuku climbs all the way to number one and is highly requested bc he’s so terrifyingly good at his job and is able to become the perfect bf/companion/lover you need just by understand and breaking down his client char, personality, and desires. 

so this is where katsuki comes in years later when izuku is already firmly established in the business and is damn ass good at his job. their relationship splintered during middle school years and they’d never recover and so they lost contact. during the time izuku was in college and working, katsuki was climbing the rookie heroes and he grown out of his own shitty behaviors thanks to his friends and U.A. curbstomming out the toxicity of his attitude and he realized he fucked up with izuku but even though he has grown up and grown better for it he has never got a chance to redeem himself in front of izuku. so when he’d managed to break into the top 10 pro heroes and there’s this important gala he has to go he found himself face to face with izuku the boy who he had hurt and torment and he’s a fucking escort now? WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. 

katsuki doesn’t know what he should say to izuku, probably apologized he thinks but what came out is “what the fuck are you supposed to be?” and izuku blinks and then he smiles, slow and sure. “you’re date, kacchan,” izuku says and katsuki feels like his heart is knocked out of his chest bc that’s a name he hasn’t heard in years and just like that it’s like they are back to their childhood youth again except izuku stands before him not as that awkward nerdy useless kid but a man confident in himself and his place in the world and he’s fucking beautiful and katsuki IS WRECKED. 

look heroes don’t really hire escort (i mean some of them may do it but it’s all hush hush) so izuku doesn’t have a lot of interaction with the pros. he’s just as surprised as katsuki but he’s a professional so he doesn’t show it and though always with clients they have to filled out the form of what they’re looking for in their escort and information about themselves katsuki left his form blank on both his request and himself  (bc he’s like i want the best you got bc i won’t bring anyone lesser) so izuku literary went in not knowing who he is supposed to be so he can of adapt into this cool & charming default persona but as soon as he saw it’s katsuki it BLEW OUT OF THE WATER. he is so used to be other ppl for his client that now he found himself caught out and strange that he can’t put back his mask on in front of katsuki bc katsuki is a reminder of all his past, his heartbreak, his crushed dream, and the boy he’d admired and inspired him. it was a rude wake up call for izuku but he tries to recover and fixed the mask back on but ofc nothing goes as plan. 

when they went to the party together katsuki has to watch izuku plays the charming date and become an actual life of the party.  a lot of people flit around katsuki bc he’s the kid that broke into top 10 but katsuki is bristling w/ contempt bc he hates all this hanger ons and fakers pretending to be interest in him just bc he’s known now but izuku is there to distract them and get them off katsuki back. for the civilian izuku just say the right thing at the right time like how he does with his previous clients but when the pro heroes come over to congratulate and talk to katsuki. izuku is able to recite all their achievement, compliment on their latest heroic jobs, and ask them questions about their powers and it’s just really wholesome and sweet and EGOBOOSTING for the pros. and then when the heroes leave izuku and katsuki alone, izuku’s mask immediately dropped and is like “OMFG kacchan that was X and Y, they’re so much more amazing in real life i can’t believe i met them” he went back to fanboy mode and is gushing hopelessly about it and katsuki inwardly smile bc that’s his izuku right there, that’s something he can recognized and cling to. 

katsuki’s friends eventually come over to bother him and him about his date and katsuki doesn’t know where to start bc how does he explain izuku the boy whose ghost had haunted him since middle school and how he had changed as much for himself but also for a chance to meet izuku one day and be the hero that earned izuku’s admiration and regard. izuku is the one that took care of it and just said they’re old childhood friends and doesn’t bring any of their intense violate history up. he easily assimilate into katsuki’s group and katsuki’s friend keep making questioning eyes gesture like they can’t believe someone as good and perfect as izuku is dating katsuki LOL but it’s all just a mask that izuku play to this best ability. only when he’s alone with katsuki that izuku feels like himself and tells hims how katsuki’s friends are eclectic and hilarious and he’s very happy that katsuki finds a group of ppl that support and loves him truly and that alone more than the perfect date MORE THAN PERFECTY WOOING KATSUKI’S COWORKERS AND FRIENDS it’s that ultimately slayed katsuki bc despite everything izuku still wishes the best for katsuki. 

by the end of the night, katsuki demands to take izuku home and when izuku got out of the car katsuki grabs his hand for a moment. “i should have said this sooner but i’m sorry for everything. you didnt deserve what i did and say to you. i was mean and terrible to you as child but i hope, i hope that you can see  that i have changed,” he tells izuku and though he’s not even looking izuku and his words are even and practiced but the sweat of his hand holding izuku’s and the slight tremble that carried through is all izuku needed. izuku nods his head and said, “i know,” with the truest smile that he doesn’t even give his client. 

After that event, izuku assumes that once katsuki made his apology that he has been waiting years to do they’re done then. he won’t see katsuki again but STRANGELY his boss tell him he got another request to go to an even with katsuki. 

on katsuki’s side his agent is kinda giving him a weird look bc why does katsuki of all people want to go to all these black tie events that he has been avoiding like the plague but it’s all just an excuse so he can request izuku again and again lol. even though katsuki finally release all his pent up guilt and frustration with himself over izuku and thought that his past with izuku can be put to the rest... now he wants to see what kind of future he can have with izuku. he started off as mostly curiosity and the chance to see how his childhood friends is doing and why is HE ESCORTING so he keep asking for izuku and the more they spend time together the more he realize how little izuku had changed. he’s still pretty awkward and clumsy and such a nerd when it come heroes once he stopped pretending to be someone other than himself. bc katsuki doesn’t WANT SOME PERFECT BOYFRIEND OR DATE he wants izuku and only izuku. he doesn’t response well when izuku put on that perfect boyfriend mask of his so izuku just dropped his mask more and more with katsuki until he realizes his mask had been long gone. they’re the only two people who knows each other past so intricately and who despite the years having been past and how they all grown up now, their childhood memories still clings to them and that’s hard to erase despite their complicated history with each other. it add layers to their relationship and though their future doesn’t have to include each other they want IT TO BE bc these two are hopelessly drawn to each other by their share past and youthful dreams and wishes.  

so they hang out more and more, getting to know each part of each other, and they even go on more casual dates until izuku is going over to katsuki’s house now. izuku even talk about his former dream of being a hero that had never bore any fruit and how that had haunted him for years. he had thought he put it all behind him but close to katsuki and his pro heroes friends open his old wound again. katsuki doesnt mock or make fun of him about it and even seriously takes in consideration that izuku doesnt have to be a hero to save and that's theres many part of the hero sector he can do like management, support, and analyses which izuku had never consider bc he was so intensely focus on being like katsuki and all might. eventually and surprisingly katsuki is the one to make the first move and asked if it’s okay to kiss izuku and izuku dazedly nods bc it seems like he has been waiting for this moment his whole life. maybe he didn’t love katsuki this way when they were little but he did admire as someone who inspired him but this katsuki all grown up is someone he knows he can safely give his heart to. so they start to date ish but they never talk about their relationship status bc they are both afraid this fragile relationship of theirs may break and ofc THEY NEVER talk about izuku’s job until that happen. 

izuku got a job to go to this event with some pro hero and katsuki wasn’t even supposed to be there but a coworker cancelled so katsuki had to replaced him and there he sees izuku clinging to SOME GUY. izuku is wearing one of his mask and is acting completely DIFFERENT like he’s another person in front of katsuki. it suddenly hit him right there what izuku’s job actually entails and he’s ENRAGE SO MAD BC HE THOUGHT MAYBE MAYBE THIS MEAN ALL THESE TENDER MOMENTS HE HAD WITH IZUKU WAS IZUKU PRETENDING TO BE WHAT KATSUKI NEEDED ALL ALONG. WHAT IF HE’S FAKING IT. WHAT IF HIS FORGIVENSS WAS A LIE AND HE’S PLAYING A TRICK ON KATSUKI :(((((((((((((. 

he confronted izuku later that night when izuku got off work and bc katsuki is dumb and in love he said the exact wrong thing and hurt the person he’d never want to hurt again. “do you sell your body as much as your affection too huh, deku?” he sneers. 

izuku punches katsuki in the face and cries and katsuki is so stunned by it that he doesnt know how to react bc seeing izuku crying undo him completley, it reminds him of their childhood and how he had made izuku cry so many times and now he’s doing it again. “don’t ever contact me again, kacchan,” izuku tells him through a waterfall of tears, leaving katsuki completely numbed. 

from that night onward izuku goes back to his job sealing his heart and going through the motion. while kastuki felt like he had ripped a hole in chest and doesn’t know how to fix it. i think once katsuki realizes what a fucking mess he did through a lot of his friends helping through it that he will eventually confront izuku again and begged him for his forgiveness in the most dramatic way possible LMAO. 

izuku is with one of his regular client again and they’re at a big social event he knows katsuki is unlikely to be there but katsuki IS THERE and he’s storming through the crowd and grabs Izuku, dragging him away from his client and crowd. he takes izuku to back garden and there izuku had enough and about to push him away and go back but kastuki get on his knees and said, “look i know i can be a fucking dumbass around you and i realized i fucked up royally but this is me at my lowest and im on knees for you and only you. only you get to see me looking this pathetic and that drives me insane but i want you so please gimme me another chance to prove that i deserve you,” katsuki confesses and it’s the most rawest emotinal confession that he can delivered and izuku is crying again but this time he’s so happy that he launched himself at kastuki lol. 

they do work it out and get better and communicate more now!!! and they’re so much fucking happier than before. i think eventually izuku does quit his escorting service bc it isn’t viable in the long run and he knows that while katsuki isn’t exactly happy with izuku’s job he has long accept it and have 10000% trust in izuku. izuku eventually finds a job in the hero sector bc that’s all he wanted to do and he get to do and katsuki supports him 100000% all the way AND THEY LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER. 

[jungnoir]

May I please request college boyfriend!yuta in bullet point form? Please please please ❤️❤️❤️ I’ve been waiting so long for your requests to be reopened, I love your work!

a/n: thank you for being patient!! i hope you like this~

name: nakamoto yuta

age: immortal

major: bullshit undecided

if anyone were to try and define yuta,,, there would be a series of words that would be used,,, all of which may or may not be appropriate for ages 13 and under

yuta came to seoul from japan when he was just graduating high school on a scholarship for soccer

there were tons of schools that he really would have liked to go to all over the world, from places like New York to places in Brazil and Germany

and these schools all around the world really wanted him

he was, after all, a star on the rise

so you can see why his family was so confused when he chose to take a scholarship a little nearer to home, right in south korea

at the time, all he’d said was that seoul was somewhere he always wanted to live

which of course his family called bs on lol

yuta; what do you mean i’ve never talked about going to seoul before!! it’s my favorite place in the world!! great city!!! 10/10 would live there

literally everyone who knows this fool: you spelled seoul as seol once and it took you eight minutes to realize it

jk jk but look ok,,, he’s nowhere near as ditzy as he likes to joke about sometimes

cause yeah he’s great at soccer but he’s also got the brains to go with the brawn!! which makes him understand that despite the scholarships he’s getting to these overseas schools, not a lot of them cover all the expenses it will take to both get there and stay there

whereas the school in seoul is only 516 miles away from home, a stark difference to all those schools all over the world

if yuta wanted, he could go visit his family every weekend with the money he saved

and while seoul (shocker!) really wasn’t his dream place to be, it ended up being not too bad in yuta’s mind

to be honest,,, he kinda liked it

it was the actual school part he didn’t like

yuta felt most alive and happy when on the field, so having to take all these classes he neither cared for nor could understand on top of being in a foreign country and trying to master the language was t o u g h

while yuta never liked to admit it, there were often times he would find himself crying himself to sleep because he missed his family and old friends so much and being in another place, even if only 500 miles away, was stressful for him

thankfully, despite being one of the v few japanese students at his school, he wasn’t the only foreigner, and he’d met tons of good friends who were always patient with him when he mixed up his korean

ppl like taeyong, ten, jaehyun, doyoung, taeil, sicheng, mark, and johnny became some of his closest friends, but sicheng was his first

yuta could still remember his first day in classes at the school and how he couldn’t spot one (1) foreigner until his last class, statistics

yuta had just finished introducing himself to the class and he wasn’t really paying attention to everyone else as the teacher went down each table to get names, majors, places they were from, etc.

but then he remembered hearing this soft voice come from way across the classroom and this boy who was just a little younger than himself was introducing himself as dong sicheng and telling everyone that he was from china and would do his best to try and communicate and,,, fuk,,, it was like yuta’s world got a lil brighter

(i swear to god this is a yuta x reader fic and not a badly disguised yuwin fic ok)

almost immediately after class yuta tracks down sicheng and he’s like oh!!! hello!!! and tries to use his best korean for yuta but then yuta just pats sicheng’s shoulder with the most loving look in his eyes and probably tells sicheng he had been looking for him his whole life or something tbh sicheng doesn’t remember much of that moment except now yuta was his Best Friend and that was nonnegotiable

sicheng soon learned that yuta was also a foreigner and had gotten excited for all of five seconds before he found out he couldn’t speak much chinese, but sicheng was still pretty happy to have someone around who was in the same boat as him regardless

and, over time, sicheng began to teach him chinese and in return, yuta would teach him japanese

they would often try to navigate the horrors of being multilingual

and while yeah, it was pretty frustrating not being able to verbalize how you feel as accurately as you’d like, there were some perks

like insults. just hella insults

especially from sicheng to yuta

yuta absolutely loves pinching his cheeks and telling him how cute he is and follows the kid around and is so CLINGy and sicheng sometimes just has to smile and take it but other times,,,

sicheng: *in chinese* i’m going to skin you alive if you poke my cheek one more time you infuriating little man-

yuta: what are you saying, sicheng? *bats eyelashes lovingly*

sicheng: oh i was just saying ur my best friend in chinese hahahaha

yuta: awwww 💕❣️💓❤️💖💗💝💘

despite this though, the two really do love each other and often times do talk smack to each other about korean customs that they just Do Not Get

and all of their korean friends are just kind of like ???? why are u all so negative and yuwin is like “these are just the facts dudes”

it’s the relationships yuta has formed with these boys and more that really come in handy when yuta realizes in the middle of his second year that,,, he doesn’t really want to go to school for soccer anymore

he doesn’t love the sport any less!! but he just doesn’t feel like it’s what he wants to do for the rest of his life

there’s so much dedication and work that goes into it and yuta just isn’t in the same mindset he was in osaka or during his first year

he feels so ashamed when he informs both the school and his family that he was changing his major, and despite how his family still wants to support him in whatever he chooses, it becomes apparent that time is really running out for him at this point. most people say that declaring a major before your third year is crucial, and he has barely months left

of course, after changing his major, yuta also loses his scholarship and is therefore having to try and make ends meet in any way he can

if that’s taking odd jobs here and there and moving from the dorms into a small, cheap apartment a half hour’s subway ride away from the school, he does what he has to

it’s only randomly when he’s just wasting time with the boys at their dorm that one of them turns on this,,, anime

no it’s not hentai

and sometimes the boys joke abt yuta’s anime knowledge being sub par at best but yuta is just like “at least i’m not a weeb”

until they introduce him to this one anime

ouran high school host club

he learns that the basic premise is the protagonist ends up getting forced into working for a “host club” of pretty, rich boys who tend to the girls of their high school and raise money doing silly things like taking photos of the boys and selling them or auctioning off the host’s belongings

and while he thinks it’s pretty ridiculous,, he’s also inspired

and out of the blue after binge-watching all the episodes in two days, yuta asks if any of the boys thinks it would be possible to have a host club in this decade, specifically at their school

at first, most of them just joke about how weird it’d be and that there were hardly any rich students on campus, let alone ones pretty enough to successfully be a part of a host club

but then yuta is like “no,,, i mean we don’t have to be as elaborate as the anime but we could still do things right? like for people who are stressed with exams or who need to talk to someone because they’re homesick and their friends here don’t get it,,,,, and we can get donations and stuff to keep it going. and the more money we get the more fun activities we can organize for students to enjoy,, wouldn’t it be cool?”

so from there, a conversation spurs on and suddenly this thing is actually getting put to work

each boy is in charge of something, whether it’s being a shoulder to cry on and get advice from on (taeyong), a fun, laid back guy who knows where all the cool things to do on campus are (johnny), or a guy who is just a plain pick up line machine (yuta)

they all do something unique and different compared to the other boys and it all just,,, like it just works so well

at first the school thinks it’s fuckin weird and there’s so much they have to smooth out but they eventually end up getting a faculty advisor to look over their activities and soon enough their “host club” is in business

at first, people really don’t know what they’re getting into when they’re invited to the club on campus, only that it’s supposed to be either really funny or really embarrassing

and the boys are just as nervous as the first few students who arrive

but, at some point, something just clicks

there’s this one student who comes to taeyong every week and complains about their annoying roommate and their terrible history professor but by the end of the meeting, they feel so much lighter

there’s another student who honestly just comes to see doyoung bc he reminds them sm of like a goofy best friend who is both awkward and cute at all times and they often just go to the cafeteria and play board games for hours

and there’s another student who is a chinese transfer and finds so much comfort in getting to talk to sicheng in their native language about home bc they haven’t met many ppl on campus who are in the same boat as them and it’s just,,, a blessing

yuta’s crazy, out of the blue idea actually works

and as ppl become regulars, they tell their friends and their friends tell their friends and suddenly they’re really doing something

students who can are sparing a few bucks here and there and when the club pairs up with other clubs on campus, they also get money from the fundraisers they hold selling ice cream or organizing therapy pet meetings during exam week for all the stressed students

a portion of the money that the club gets goes to the members to help with books and other little necessities that they might have trouble paying for currently

now, yuta, like some of the other boys, doesn’t really have a niche in the club

some of them do!! and that’s fine!! but it’s a little disheartening because there’s always that student who is like “is there anyone here who can do [x] for me?” and there will be one of them there and that thing is right up their alley

whereas all the more broad and unexplored requests go to the other boys who haven’t quite established what they can do for their clients

yuta is usually good at cracking jokes and being an overall mood lifter, but,, so is johnny,,,, so is their youngest, donghyuck,,, so is their newest member yukhei

and once again, yuta just feels like he doesn’t know what he wants in life and doesn’t know where he fits in

and yeah, sure, he put together this whole club in the first place, but he leaves management in the hands of taeyong and doyoung and taeil…. the “responsible” ones

yuta was just the “goof”, the “sassy” one, the “greasy” one

he just doesn’t know where he fits….. he feels like a puzzle piece that’s missing its place from the big picture

enter you, someone who was definitely in a similar head space

you weren’t sure what you were doing with your life, if you really wanted to pursue higher education, and your mental health was suffering big time

you were pretty much on your last leg as you tried to figure out whether you should just call it quits this semester and drop out for good or if you should keep soldiering on

your friend notices that you’ve fallen so deep into a bad mood that you haven’t been able to drag yourself out of it yet, so she recommends that you come try this new thing on campus that a lot of students have been talking about

something about a “harem of handsome boys” and “the answer to all your problems”

you seriously couldn’t see how a boy would ever be the answer to any problem but nevertheless u went

after your last class of the day, your friend brought you to one of the empty rooms on the top floor of one of the buildings on campus overlooking the rest of the school

there,,, you hadn’t known what you expected but it definitely wasn’t this

there’s just a bunch of handsome looking boys sitting around the big classroom, one sitting on top of a desk and talking animatedly to one girl about god knows what, another in the back showing a girl some new trendy dance you hadn’t caught on to yet, and another standing off to the side with a kind smile on his face as he introduces himself as jungwoo, a member of the club

he asks you what you’re looking for for the evening, and you have a weird feeling about the way he asks the question but this seems so,,, innocent,,, odd but innocent

your friend nudges you to go on, and you kind of just shrug and tell him you don’t know yet

jungwoo just smiles and tells you that he knows the perfect person for you

and then he runs off to the back of the room, up to one boy who wasn’t talking to anyone yet

he’s got headphones on and the shade on the window next to him is rolled all the way up, letting the sunlight in and it highlights his sharp features and stunning hazel eyes

jungwoo says something, and then those hazel eyes are on you

you barely register your friend leaving, just that her fleeting words are “have fun with him, he’s a mystery”

hazel eyes blinks and then quietly waves you over, and out of instinct you look over to the familiar face of jungwoo to see if it’s ok

the boy who looks much younger in comparison to hazel eyes just nods and smiles that big smile again, waving you over as well

so you make your way over, catching eyes with a few of the boys who were with other “clients” as your friend had called them, some of them giving you a smile and some of them widening their eyes as they watched you make your way over to hazel eyes

jungwoo pulls a chair out for you and faces you toward hazel eyes, telling you to have fun and to talk to him if you had any questions

once he’s gone…. you don’t quite know what to do now

and hazel eyes has no problem staring at you while you try to figure it out

immediately, you decide that’s the first order of business

“so uh,,, i’m (y/n), what is ur name?” you ask, sounding much meeker than you intended

honestly, you were just tired and couldn’t quite believe this was what you were spending your very limited time doing instead of homework or staring at the wall in the middle of an existential crisis

hazel eyes smiles some, “nakamoto yuta, but you can call me later”

it takes you a second to process that he’s just used a pick up line on you,, and a bad one at that

by the time you even get a stunned laugh out of your mouth, he grins wider and you swear that the sun’s light burns a little brighter on his skin when he does, “i’m already taking your breath away, huh?”

“out of disbelief” “i know, right? i’m a marvel. it’s ok, you can admit it” he nods at you understandingly, as if he knew your feelings better than you did yourself

“is this your thing then? you’re the flirty one?” you ask, folding your arms on the desk separating the two of you and tilting your head to the side

the sun reaches you when you do and,, you looked beautiful from across the room but up close

you took his breath away

he has to collect what is left of his bearings, watching you in quiet awe as he thinks of what to say to you in response

there are no more pick up lines or witty remarks up his sleeve all of a sudden

how did you do that?

he finally clears his throat and looks away almost bashfully, “that’s more yukhei’s area”

“then what do you do?”

“uh,,, i don’t. uh. i don’t have a thing”

you hum lowly, “so do you usually get the clients who are indecisive?”

he thinks for a moment before nodding an affirmative

after a small awkward silence, he tries to fill the time you have together, “well, why don’t you tell me about why you decided to come today then? or how you’re feeling? i can find out what to do for you from there”

you try to think about what to tell him, unsure if you should go as deep as to tell the truth but also if you should stay elusive. after all, you had no idea what this club specialized in. maybe it was just for lighthearted interactions between students and nothing more

“i really only came because my friend said i should take my mind off of school stress and well, here i am”

yuta blinks for a few seconds before perking up, pushing himself up from his chair. the sudden movement surprises you, but then he’s walking over to the other corner of the room where there’s a locker located. he pops open the door and pulls out a soccer ball, then turns to you with a grin “wanna play me? loser buys slurpees at the corner store”

your eyes widen in surprise before you decide that you’ve nothing to lose and decide to accept with an added “slurpees and snacks, accordingly”

yuta ends up leading you out to the empty, open soccer field as the sun starts its descent out of the sky, kicking the ball around to you with more force and precision than you had expected

it’s only a quarter into the game when you realize that you are v seriously outplayed and yuta hasn’t broken a sweat

meanwhile you have drowned in your own bodily liquids and are probably watering the grass with it at this point

“you tricked me!” you accuse, breathing hard as you fall to your knees at another goal scored by him, but he just grins and his smile looks more devious out here than it did when you’d first seen it

“i never told you i was bad at soccer, i just told you to play me” “tricked!” “you didn’t ask!”

you rush over to retrieve the ball, wanting so badly to score a goal out of spite but when you kick,,, he just quickly blocks it and gets it into ur goal instead

finally, he decides to pity you and ends the game early with a whopping win 12-1

to make up for completely annihilating you, he offers to drive you both to the store instead of making you walk in your exhausted state and soon, the both of you are perched in chairs outside of the corner store, laughing over your slurpees and snacks and talking about everything that comes to mind, from the strange little trinkets yuta keeps in his car to your ankle socks decorated with little strawberries

the sun has fully gone down now, the night air cool but relieving on your heated skin

yuta brushes his hair back with his hand and takes a long drag from his straw before leaning back into his seat and looking at you, “so, how do you feel?”

you start at the sudden question, realizing that you have no ready-made answer on your tongue

honestly, you hadn’t thought anything about how you felt

the whole time you were with yuta, you just let go. you stopped thinking. stopped feeling. you just had fun

so you tell him just that

“i feel the most carefree right now than i ever have since i started school here”

a look of stupefaction floods his expression, making you shuffle in your seat “sorry, uh,,, was that too much?”

he quickly shakes his head, “no i just,,, uh… i feel the same”

you two just stare at each other like you’d done earlier when you’d first met, bewilderment and curiosity clear in the air

there’s something there, you both note, but what it is is still unclear

all you know is that you felt free, and all yuta knows is that he feels like he might have actually found his thing

he ends up taking you back to the school where it has gotten quite late and all the other boys have finished up with their clients and have gone home by now

yuta is going to wish you a goodnight and get back to his apartment when you turn to him and dig into your wallet all of a sudden, pulling out a few dollar bills

“i uh,, i guess you guys take donations and everything?”

usually, this wouldn’t feel so strange. after all, it’s what the club runs on next to fundraisers and the like

but

between the both of you, it just doesn’t feel right

so he pushes your hand away and grins, “you already treated me to food, silly!”

you look like you want to protest but yuta just smiles and heaves a big breath, “so! i hope i made your night”

you just look at him for a bit before blurting out “can i see you again?”

yuta is taken aback bc… well, he’s never had anyone request that of him before. he never really saw regulars like the other boys, so to imagine that he would have one just boggled his mind for a while

he soon recovered however, putting on one of his carefree smiles, “only if you’ll continue to suck at soccer”

you scowl before breaking out into laughter together, you waving a quick goodbye before slipping out of the car and heading off to your dorm room before the night got any older

and yuta really shouldn’t be surprised when he sees you in their room again the same day next week, hair put up out of your face with a funny looking headband and your body outfitted in a pair of shorts and a tee shirt and some sneakers that definitely aren’t made for running around on grass for hours

he doesn’t even get to ask you what the hell you thought you were wearing before you’re slapping your hands together and demanding a rematch for last week

and when he beats you (again), you treat him to slurpees once more

he expects you to really give up this time because now you’ve learned that he was recently attending school on a soccer scholarship and there was virtually no way that you, without any experience in the sport, could pummel him in it only after two matches

but then when he drops you off at the dorms a little earlier this time, your parting message is that you’ll be back for the next match

you meet him six days earlier, then five days, then four, three, two…

soon, you’re popping by every time you have a free hour or two to see if he’s in to play

slowly, you learn his schedule and he learns yours

the boys become well acquainted with you when you bound into the classroom with bright eyes and slightly more sport-appropriate outfits, simply yelling a “yuta, they’re here!” at the top of their lungs

while yuta starts to complain that all your meetings are the same, he does find that he’s having quite a lot of fun playing you

because, and don’t tell him i told you, but you’re getting better the more you play and he’s kinda proud

for those few hours every other day or so, it’s just the two of you messing around and playing soccer with each other

sometimes, you’ll get some talking in when you eat or when you both take a break and fall out on the grass in sweaty, panting messes

you learn all about how he wasn’t from around here, not too much of a surprise to you given his name, but you were awfully impressed with how he spoke almost like a native korean

he tells you about his life back home, about his family and how he’d gotten into soccer from a young age and adored it more than anything

he tells you how he has dreams of his mother’s homemade food and how he and his father message each other everyday about how much they miss each other

he tells you how ever since he changed his mind about his major, he’s felt lost and confused about his place in life and whether he would be anywhere near productive in the next ten years

and for the first time since yuta’s told someone about it, he feels like someone understands him

because you tell him that you feel similarly, that you don’t even know if what you’re studying for now will have any impact on your life in the future. you don’t have a clue what you want to do with your life and you don’t have a clue who you want to be,, but there’s something in that solidarity

and despite how scared the both of you are of your futures, you both decide that no matter what it is, you two can figure it out together

it’s different. it’s…. good. he likes the feeling of having someone understand him. he loves the feeling of having someone understand him and vow to walk the treacherous roads of life together. he really, really does

he also tells you about his funny habits like experimenting with making new foods (that he forces the other boys to eat and then enjoy) and teaching his unsuspecting friends out of context japanese just for kicks

you tell him if he ever teaches you something messed up in japanese you’ll kick him right in his soccer balls

he makes sure not to play u like that

except,,, maybe once

you: hey yuta how do you say “how much is this?” in japanese? i want to know if i ever visit

yuta: ohhh yeah it’s *in japanese* yuta is the best

you:…. did i just hear your name in that sentence

your friend pokes fun at you for going back so often but you honestly don’t care; you like being around yuta

in fact,, you kinda feel weird when you’re not with him

at first you had attributed it to him just having such a way with words that you would end up consumed in trying to decipher him rather than thinking about your day-to-day problems

but even when school stress was low, if he wasn’t around, you didn’t feel quite as peppy

yuta was slowly becoming something like your other half, fitting the pieces of you that you had long thought were missing

you guessed it might not have been the safest idea to start feeling so strongly for someone whose job was basically making people happy, but you felt that whatever you felt with him,, he felt with you

you could see it in the way he looked at you compared to his other clients, the way he would pretend not to light up when you’d walk in the room, or how he would try to prolong your time together in hopes that you’d stay longer,,,, keep your eyes on him more

you just didn’t know what to do with that information, didn’t know how to go about it the right way

after all, he had become someone you didn’t want to lose. if you screwed it up, you would be right back in the slump you were in before

you try instead to push the tumultuous feelings away for the time being and instead focus on meeting him again for your next match

you had managed to win your last two games and yuta was starting to get nervous, wondering if he was either losing his touch or you were just getting too good for him

when you show up to greet him that day, you notice you’re a little early and he’s with a client that had recently started coming to see him lately

she always came before you and always seemed to be somewhat starstruck whenever she would talk to him. you had eavesdropped on their conversations a number of times, so much so that you had enough blackmail fodder for d a y s

you had once teased him asking him why he never talked in such a cute voice to you as he did her

yuta: i don’t act cute for demons

usually, you would just sit off to the side and wait but you’re surprised when you’re suddenly approached by johnny who is grinning and plopping into a seat next to you, greeting you with one of his million dollar smiles “hey (y/n), waiting on yuta?”

you laugh, glancing over in the boy in question’s direction to see him fluttering his lashes at the girl “yeah, waiting on him and his girlfriend”

johnny snickers, “jealous, much?”

you fake a pout and rest your chin on your fist, “oh, definitely. i’m just overcome with the green-eyed monster!”

johnny looks over at yuta again and his friendly smile morphs into something a little sinister as he turns back to you, leaning in closer, “how obnoxious do you think we’ll have to be to get his attention?”

you take in a breath, wondering if you really should indulge johnny just for a joke, but then yuta looks over

and you start to laugh far too loudly as if johnny had just told you the most hilarious joke

you slap his shoulder for emphasis and feel yuta staring at the both of you, a slight pout on his lips as he can’t help but wonder what tf u two are even laughing abt

what’s,,, what’s with that loud laugh huh?? johnny’s not that funny??? you only laugh like that when he tells you jokes!!!!

>:(

you two keep it up well until you hear yuta call your name from the other side of the room and you finally realize the girl is long gone and yuta’s got his jacket thrown over his shoulder (all cool like, bc bad boys don’t wear their jackets apparently) and the soccer ball tucked between his hip and forearm, looking as serious as he ever has (but it’s rlly cute ishfiash)

“are you coming or are you two busy?”

johnny turns to you and tries to muffle a laugh, whispering for you to run along and that his “job is done”

whatever…. that means

you follow after yuta but he’s walking faster than usual, barely giving you a chance to keep up except for when he stops at the elevator

you try to jokingly ask him what he and his client talked about but he just mumbles “it’s confidential”

you can tell there’s something different in the air now and you’re feeling nervous, but you follow him out to the soccer field regardless and the game starts

it starts off fine, but you quickly realize that he’s playing in a totally different state than usual

he takes each shot seriously, seemingly getting you back for defeating him in the last two games

at one point, you guys get close to each other, you attempting to take the ball from him in hopes that you could somehow survive this game with more than two points or else he would totally annihilate you

your chests are bumping against each other, arms stretched backwards to fight the temptation of touching the other in order to get the ball

all it is is quick feet and sneaky steals

every time you steal, he steals back

it keeps going back and forth like that for a while, and you finally look him in the face

honestly, he could have gotten his point by now and finished the game

but,, he looks distracted

the mindless movements he makes prove that

he’ll steal the ball only to let you steal it back

“yuta…” you call his name softly, taking the ball from him once more

he seems to snap out of whatever it is that has him on another train of thought, and when he sees you have the ball, he steals it back immediately, but this time he gears up to kick it into your goal

you don’t know why you do it exactly, but you have to think fast if you want to save your ass in this game

your fingers shoot out and make contact with yuta’s sides and he jolts, breaking into an involuntary fit of laughter as you begin to tickle him

he demands that you release him in between giggles, hands weakly trying to pry yours away

you laugh too and manage to get him away from the ball just long enough to score a point while he’s compromised

yuta suddenly catches your wrists and pulls you into him, finally sucking in a breath as he realizes that you’ve just stolen a point from him. his cheeks are flushed from laughing so hard (or maybe from embarrassment, but he’d never admit to it) and he’s glaring at you, but not with nearly the same intensity as he had earlier with johnny

“you cheated” he breathes, voice low and quiet

you look up into his eyes and start smiling, flexing your hands in his grip and fighting the urge to laugh when he keeps that same hold on you, “you were distracted. i had to get your head back in the game” “you tricked me” “now, why does that sound so familiar?”

he opens his mouth to protest but finds himself speechless as he glares at you,,, and then pouts “is this payback?”

you shrug, “maybe… but why were you so distracted in the first place… you okay?”

he looks you in the eye before dropping your wrists, backing away some

and,, you miss the closeness instantaneously

yuta sighs heavily, and you’ve never heard him sound more upset before

yuta folds his arms over his chest and avoids eye contact, “i,, it’s really stupid”

“it’s ok, i expect nothing less from you” you joke, moving forward and softly tapping his chin to try and get him to look at you. you frown when he flinches away “seriously, what is it?”

“don’t you feel it?”

“feel… what?”

“you know what. just now, you felt it, didn’t you? all i do is move away from you and my whole body just feels,, wrong. it doesn’t make sense to me”

you watch as he shuffles quietly in the grass, face turned down in a thoughtful and nervous frown

suddenly, without a chance to rethink it, you grab his wrists like he had done yours and pull him right up against you, only,, you severely miscalculate his weight being thrown against you in comparison to yours being thrown against him

you go falling to the ground, right before yuta’s quick thinking has him twisting the two of you mid air so that his back hits the ground instead of yours

but again!!!! you two are really good at miscalculating!!!

and without meaning to (at least, not like this)…. your lips collide

it’s rough because of the momentum and your teeth knock together the moment you both hit the ground, but the pain disappears the second yuta hisses

and kisses you again

like you had grown so accustomed to, you get thrown into a world of your own, thoughts of the little things flying right out of the window

all you can taste is yuta’s lips and all you can feel is every nerve in your body going into overdrive

honestly, you wonder why you didn’t kiss him before

god, you really wonder why you didn’t kiss him before

you pull away first, biting your lip as you catch yuta almost chasing your lips and then letting his head fall back to the ground in defeat when you’ve moved out of his reach

“…are you still tricking me? so that I don’t call a foul on that tickling move earlier?” he narrows his eyes some, chest swelling with pride when you laugh again. because you’re laughing because of him

you cup his cheek and sigh, “you saw right through me”

that feeling you have when you’re near yuta seems to just intensify when you two decide to start dating

since yuta is naturally clingy too it just,,, works so well sehfiajsd

definitely the type of boyfriend to always be touching you in some way

sometimes if he’s not touching he’s hovering, for sure

you could just be standing and he’s like. There

the boys joke that he acts like he’s surgically attached to you but when they ask about you he always tries to act aloof like oh,,, them? yeah,,,, i don’t care abt them at all,,, i could live without them,,, *phone rings with ur caller id on the screen* wait shut up the love of my life is calling

always in The mood for some ominous reason

he’s just a bit,, kiss-starved ig

speaking of kisses!!! king of kissing you till you turn blue

he can go for quite a while and he has quite the tongue and i will leave that at that my friends

he’s such a touchy guy but if you’re equally as touchy he? goes into overload?

sometimes he might literally stop kissing you just to hyper focus on you touching him and ur like dude!!! come on!!! multi-task!!!

he blames it on the fact that you just mesmerize him and you’re too flattered to scold him again

;-;

you guys ofc still have your soccer matches, and you’ve gotten quite good

yuta had honestly missed playing between classes and the club and such, so you encourage him to rejoin the soccer team just for fun and he just loves it so much. he really did miss playing like he used to

speaking of the club, yuta is still a member, but it’s pretty clear his mind is elsewhere with clients

eventually, he decides that he can’t devote his full attention to clients any more so instead he asks 2tae and doyoung if he can maybe take an executive position

and they’re like?? uh YEH u started the damn thing lol

so yuta starts helping put together fun little outings and just tries to make the club not only more fun for the clients, but also for the members

and steadily, more ppl start to join!!! and not just boys!!!

honestly there’s a personality for everyone and something that everyone can enjoy

one time you came to visit yuta during the club hours and a newcomer mistook you for a member and started shyly asking jungwoo if she could pick you

needless to say yuta was v amused

“wow (y/n), if you weren’t dating me i’d probably hire u right now” “yuta please evaporate”

but anywho, despite all of this, yuta still hasn’t figured out what he wants to major in and do with his life

but also… he’s realized that’s okay

and that not everybody has life figured out like that

and if he has to take a year off and find something to do until he gets it then he will

and if he leaves school and never pursues it again, he’d be alright with that

because honestly, his fear of not being perfect or the rising star he was expected to be back home can’t overshadow the love he’s received not only from you but also his friends and family. and while everything in this day and age tells him he has to have it all figured out by now, he has other plans

he knows whatever he chooses to do from tomorrow morning till the last day of his life, he’ll make the decision because he wants to, because he loves what he’s going to do, and because his happiness is more important than any preconceived notions of “success”

he’ll be alright, he’s more than loved enough to see the silver lining

[bnha-imagines-hcs]

A c and e for dabi and twice? (I’m such a slut for the villains oops

( i’ll assume SFW, since that’s the last one i posted and you didn’t specify. | idk if any of this makes sense bc my head is weird atm but i wannit to write!!! i’ve been spooking myself with conspiracy theories... )

| dabi; headcanons.

AFFECTION       yes. now? always.

why else would he bother with a relationship? no trouble getting laid and able to snatch intelligent convos in a bar or park here and there, dabi’s no need to go out of his way for either.but proper, fulfilling affection comes with someone you trust - to an extent.

so. yeah. 

dabi’s always wanted a partner he could truly stand with. side by side, neither lesser or more than the other; whether this would be a romantic partner or not never mattered. a strong, reliable bond that doesn’t hinge on emotional constipation like so many of his working relations. 

                  a, uh. soul mate. if you will. shhh.

      he’s entirely honest with himself about this wish, too - which means he’s not shy about acting on it. unless he has his game face on or you’re around people who shouldn’t know you care about each other, dabi’s open to physical and not so physical affection.around here we’re not too macho for staring deep~~ into each other’s~~ eyes~~ (esp since his are so pretty that it’s hard not to ever get caught staring so yah). he prefers to have at least one hand at you at all times, soaking up your warmth and returning it. idle kisses during conversation, words clear against your cheek, the corner of your mouth. it’s in private that he lets his fingers trace the thin vulnerable skin of your eyelids or the exact shape of your cheeks.

ppl can complain or gag all they want, dabi is and will always be demonstratively loving. (or just. out of fucks to give, but w/e.)

CUDDLING     linked into the affection - dabi is highkey about simple, physical contact. arms around you at all times and usually while he’s behind you (better view on anything that might need to be u know dodged. he protective rawr); resting on your shoulders, round your waist, fingers hooked into the belt loops and fingers tracing the shape of your crotch if you don’t stop him, fingers hooked into the beltloops at your hips, hands at your hips, one arm round your neck w/ a hand on ur shoulder, hand on ur throat, hand resting lightly on ur crown, hands…… on ur ass. yeah.

will shamelessly insert himself into any conversation just by silently curling around you, and staring down ur convo partner like they’re the wall or smth ‘bout to get curbstomped; either, or.other times he lets u be… but still touches u somehow. turned farther away but with a hand on u to know where u at—

—dabi knows damn well how dangerous he is. he’s got to - it’s how he got where he is now, measuring his skill against what he’s got left to learn, against the competition that’ll come for ‘im as he makes a name for himself. consciously & unconsciously, that leads to him placing himself in a position where he can directly oppose whatever might try to fuck up this thing he’s got here, with u.he’s good w/ direct shit. also p good with sneaky shit. if ur a soft lil civilian or otherwise of lesser skill (or equal. or more, really - he’ll lay off some then, but still)- then he’ll want to know where ur at so he can bear in mind the angles if a threat pops up.        so. a hand on ur ass. hey- we can mix business w/ pleasure a lil.

             shhh. it’s totes just cuz he’s an ass man, tho.

straight up cuddling in bed, lazily soothed… all day every day pls and thnx. just hazy dozing, a dream-like quality to simple vulnerability shred. that’s not workable at present, but a worthy goal to set, no..? mmm.

EFFORT     flings, as stated, are for fun. he puts in the effort to be there bc he wants the good times, but it doesn’t go further than skindeep.

a real relationship - to dabi - is committed, and not something he’ll easily accept into his life. the point of one is effort; not in the least bc he knows it takes a fuckton of that for trust to really build. being who he is the way he is means it’s going to take effort.         mostly on his part, he thinks.     buuuuut also on the other part, if you’re not the patient or emotionally intelligent sort (which is fair honestly). 

dabi does not expect any true partner to do all the work. when it comes to effort in bonds, dabi goes … almost for broke, really. he’s neither antisocial nor aromantic, knows he craves emotional connection on several levels, and is therefore invested.                so, although he can be closed off (you may still not hear about w/e got him in this life etc), you can def just go up to him and go ‘okay i have xyz problem with us as we are, i need abc from you / do you need abc from me’. he’ll listen. he’ll try to see it your way too. this boy understands better than most what it really takes to make shit work with smn.

                  the most effort is trying to get him to a point where                   he wants to keep someone around, though. his                  agenda is his priority as is; romance just... well shit,                  you know this ain’t the time for that.

| twice; headcanons.

AFFECTION     at once highkey and lowkey. his anxiety nullifies any impulse to be all lovey dovey bc yeah. actually. that can get you killed. and losing you is high on his list of shit to avoid. so it’s all behind closed doors and there it’s desperate as you know he can be, all over each other, physical reassurance of both your connection and the fact your heart still beats.

starved of it, jin is always up for affection – yet can have too full a head to be able to deal with the extra impulses; physical touch, the emotion it evokes, what it does to his mind.

generally tight hugs, touchy-feely, wants to have his eyes on ur face to read u and check u over. prefers to have some kinda physical contact w/ u when ur together but his attention is away from you; the sensation of good things slipping through his fingers gets intense.

CUDDLING     yes please. jin can actually sleep in the same bed as someone else with little to no problem; at worst he’ll jerk violently in his sleep/during a dream/if his body registers your touch as foreign, but it’s not a punch or shit just an involuntary jolt.

embraces are his fave. full on arms around each other and pressed together. long, feelsy hugs that are all about just. well. affection. feeling each other. finding some peace in the hug and letting it last. 

jin is susceptible to ridicule (from stupid macho morons) but resolved about dem long hugs and sweet, tender love that isn’t afraid to be vulnerable. that’s what his cuddling feels like, always intimate. it can get a bit much to be constantly intimate to that extent, but then he rarely slips up about showing just how much he cares about you in public - so that’s a break from that lmao.

EFFORT     a lot. lots of internal shit, working on new anxieties. trying to ween himself off needing to feel you, to tone down the cling. it takes a few months for him to fully be ready to take this new flaring anxiety in his hands and deal with it like the (at least partially) solvable problem it is, and that’s when he starts toning it down, reassuring himself about the lack of touch, etc.         he’s an anxiety veteran. new causes can be so overwhelming that he doesn’t remember for a while that it’s his brain funking around.

he cares about you / what you’re feeling / needs & wants. might not be able to help, but will fucking care. if there’s one thing you won’t feel, it’s unappreciated. 

twice is a lil more aware of healthy functioning relationship dynamics than some of the other league members, and unlike say dabi he’s really intent on keeping you around. if he’s got something good he’s going to do what he can to keep it.

[unscramblingtheliberalarts-blog]

Aydelotte’s Social Media Weather Report: Niche in Small Liberal Arts Colleges

I’ve been compiling posts that contribute to popular discourse about the insularity of small liberal arts colleges. Their “nicheness” has for the most part on Tumblr received praise. For some, the liberal arts college “bubble” ensures a safe space that galvanizes, not stymies, spiritual growth:

oceansofbliss:

I just want to go back to my liberal arts college where everyone is nice and no one is very discriminatory and I live in a happy bubble of accepting joy

(emphasis added)

gryffindored:

the family that i created through my theatre degree in a small, liberal arts school in new england will never cease to amaze me. in times of tragedy, we are always pulling together and making magic happen.

(emphasis added)

theprettypatriot:

But my private school of less than 2000 is where I learned who I was and what I stood for. I figured out that life was absolutely what you made it, and that at the end of the day you are solely responsible for your happiness. I learned that losers quit when they’re tired and winners quit when they’ve won. Most importantly, I learned that it wasn’t your failures, but how you responded to them that defined you.

(emphasis added)

dandelionbreaks:

“The purpose of a university is to engage in dialogue, debate, and exchange ideas in order to try and come to some meaningful conclusion about an issue at hand. Not to shut ourselves off from ideas we find threatening.” — Charles Negy, Professor, Says Students Showed ‘Religious Arrogance And Bigotry’ In A Letter Later Posted On Reddit, emphasis added

Other students spoke of how liberal arts college’s insularity and small class size was a real and significant factor in the college decision-making process:

sunnystrong:

When conducting my college search, I looked for small liberal arts colleges (because I prefer smaller class sizes, and more interactions with professors) with a strong biological science or neuroscience programs (because I want to study those subjects), and Mount Holyoke ended at the top of my list. (emphasis added)

whatcomesnextisstrange:

Calvin’s general population tends to be the sheltered kind that don’t get out enough to really understand the real world, though as they spend time on Calvin’s campus I hope that that is changing. The students that come that don’t have the Dutch CRC background are slowly making differences, whether it be because the discussions they get into tend to be more political or philosophical, or that the general population of the United States is just getting more and more depressed and therefore hopefully more and more introspective.

... I’ve found great people here, not necessarily the people my parents thought I would find of course, their idea of a good friend is basically a robot anyways.

(emphasis added)

marilyns-child:

Then one day, while I was struggling with my decision between the two, I asked my mom for advice... She told me to apply to our local state university for two years and then I could transfer to a liberal arts college. We fought for days over it, but I eventually gave in.

I never made it to the liberal arts college.

...

I lasted a year and a half in college, following everyone else’s dreams for me. I took sixteen credit hours, worked two jobs, and started on a downward spiral that ended with me crying in a professor’s office, telling him I couldn’t do this, I couldn’t continue on. I was drunk, my hips were bleeding from having cut myself, and I hadn’t eaten in two days. By then, I had changed my degree to English ( “You can be a teacher!”) and there wasn’t a second of college I liked. I was miserable in a state school of thousands of students, being taught by professors who didn’t know me, and studying something I didn’t want to.

...

Sometimes, most of the time, following the money isn’t the answer. Following your heart often is.

(emphasis added)

Several posts delved into how the culture of insularity allowed for more open discourse about sexuality and pornography:

chongthenomad:

the awesome thing about the college I go to is that during one of my classes we were playing two truths and one lie and one girl was listing off the facts about herself and the last thing she said was that she was a stripper, and it turns out she actually was one but the thing is no one had any weird or disgusted or creepy looks on their faces, everyone just smiled and nodded and our amazing teacher even asked her where she worked and then she smiled at her and told her how convenient her job was since the strip club was not too far from campus and wow i really love my school

cyandie:

not being in the insular bubble of liberal arts school for several months now has made me even more vitriolicly opposed to porn because i forgot how average ppl really just talk about it and are so unopen to negotiating why [the industry is] heinous! ...

On the other hand, the same “nicheness” that was praised for bringing about a close-knit community also garnered criticism. Some posts touched upon the “liberal,” “left-ist,” “socially mindful/sensitive” stereotypes of people in liberal arts colleges: 

surfcommiesmustdie:

one of my brothers teaches poli-sci at a small liberal arts college in illinois and my dad was telling me he went full cultural marxist. he used to focus on latin american politics but now he’s knee deep in gender stuff and other assorted social justice crap.

i advised disowning him

snout:

person: *holds elevator door open for me*

me: lmaoooo wow, virtue signaling much…? i bet you think youre just SUCH a good person. Oh sorry, did i trigger you? LOL. tough shit, the real world isn’t just a big liberal arts school. uhhh yeah, I’ll take the stairs, THANKS. 😏

Other critiques possessed a less facetious vein, noting the ironic social alienation that such insularity produced:

no-identity-land:

Honestly I’d so love to try and find some new friends or something more through an app or site like Her or Tinder or something, but my campus is ridiculously small and in the middle of nowhere, and my self-esteem can’t handle the thought of rejection (and the inevitability of having to see one of these people all the time on campus) so I’ll just pretend that I’m the one choosing to stay single and save myself the embarrassment lol

(emphasis added, Tagged: lgbt, gay, lesbian)

man-of-prose:

“This is what the real, no-bull- value of your liberal-arts education is supposed to be about: How to keep from going through your comfortable, prosperous, respectable adult life dead, unconscious, a slave to your head and to your natural default-setting of being uniquely, completely, imperially alone, day in and day out.” - David Foster Wallace, emphasis added

Another crucial criticism was the lack of access to the general public about academic theory that such insularity inexplicably reinforce:

hedevitoanditsown:

college/academia and various sub-cultures (punk, metal, regional cultural destinations like Portland, etc.) should not be the only avenues for which we recruit people into radical spaces. ... put your theory into practice and teach people the value of solidarity, mutual aid, etc. these people won’t take communism seriously until you divorce the cold-war rhetoric from the reality. starting up food not bombs in your liberal arts college town full of upper middle class liberals isn’t going to get us very far (not that feeding people who are vulnerable is a bad thing).

... 

i think in order for the left to succeed, we need to overcome two major hurdles:

we need to make our theory less confusing and more accessible (breaking news: academia isn’t appealing to a lot of people and neither is theory that’s barely comprehensible. people have more important things going on in their lives, like putting food on their table and caring for their kids/families, than to try and figure out wtf derrida was saying)

we need to actually put our theory into practice (at least the stuff we can immediately, like we don’t need a full-scale revolution to practice mutual aid and democratic decision-making, etc.) and use it to HELP people who actually need it. think black panthers pre-COINTELPRO. because as we’ve seen the political elites of BOTH parties have left the working classes out in the cold to starve, they’re scared and irrational, so fascism is a logical leap for these people.

(emphasis added)

inqilabi:

Women participate in their own silencing. That’s the tragic part. Our own self regulation. We are raised to silence ourselves, become smaller, less visible. Then when women become feminists, you see the same crap… Except it’s got some name of some theory attached, and it’s taught in liberal arts schools or what have you.

Insularity is clearly a multi-faceted topic in discourse about liberal arts college culture on Tumblr. Small class sizes are praised for fostering an often intimate, sympathetic community and opening academic discussion about publicly stigmatized subjects, such as sexuality and porn. Yet, the “nicheness” generated from a tightly knit population does not prevent experiences of social exclusion or loneliness, which students (in this case from the LGBTQIA+ community) have found themselves struggling with. Nor does it solve the issue of general inaccessibility to sociopolitical theory and academics taught in higher education.

[yamlog]

before february comes

ok so like, it is one thing to know about smth hurtful when it has just happened but it is A COMPLETELY OTHER THING ALTOGETHER to be asked about it by someone who for some reason, thought that you knew all along all these months WHEN YOU DIDN’T. and why would i? did i not say many many times that i am NOT going to keep up? i am actively avoiding, i am keeping my feed clean and free from distractions, i NEVER look at my explore page except to follow very specific hashtags. i have been PROTECTING my peace of mind and sanity with all my energy and effort for like, what, 1.5 years. for good reason. and then to be asked (borderline informed) something so PREPOSTEROUS. do you know how sick i felt when i heard? i was trying to work and it became impossible because my brain was so confused i started feeling nauseas. i had to skip dinner and immediately take action instead of letting that horrible feeling burrow deeper into my chest. i didn’t even have to see anything in person. people sent me screenshots, telling me that they will look at it on my behalf and i shouldn’t go and see. and that’s not even the worst thing. the worst thing is all the consolation messages that came from SO MANY DIFFERENT PEOPLE later on, coming out and confessing and saying they knew and they suspected but they didn’t want to tell me because they knew i’d be shocked and disgusted and upset and they wanted to protect me from the news because i was trying to pass practicum. and i love them for that, i really do. my friends really just do want the best for me and they are not willing to start a war or actively do anything, but they do care enough to message me in private to share their thoughts on the matter. i got so many ‘i saw her story and i was so surprised,” “it’s such a shady thing to do,” and “what is she trying to prove.” then of course there were people who were very critical of the presentation and how it seems deliberately designed to mislead. and when i clarified, it just made everyone even more confused. ‘huh, if not dating then why she post as if they were’ ‘need to tag meh’ ‘she tag for who to see’ ‘is she trying to show off got a guy wait for her to end work and take many pictures of her on their dates? and then must tag the guy so everyone can see who it is even though he’s not inside?’ ‘how come her username is like a copy of your tinycl0ud’ (lmao i wish i knew the answer to this one but at this point is anyone surprised? no.) ‘is it she want his dick’ ‘dating or not dating it’s very obvious she has interest’ etc etc

so here are MY thoughts, after having talked to practically everyone in my life about it. my thoughts reflect most of what others think. i am trying to be conscious of the fact that i’m still too emotional to really formulate my own opinion, and so of course it is easier to mirror and receive the opinions of those around me. but i think until i can finish processing, i am okay with received feelings.

number one: indignation. because Yes, why the fuck even do this? sg is so fucking big and full of other men. if you want a bf or new friends it’s so easy to find. must go after your ex-friend’s ex-partner? the rest of the sg don’t have men isit? you won’t be happy unless you get to experience that which you have always envied in me isit? you tag, knowing full well that people in MY life still follow and EVERYONE knows what he looks like and who he is. so what is the fucking intention? to show that someone finds you attractive enough to take photos of you? you know, quite a few people have pointed out to me the fact that i used to be the frequent subject of his phone camera (i am grateful but i have also thankfully moved on), and that maybe you have always envied it, and now that it’s your turn you’re revelling. ppl take picture of you like you always wanted, ok good for you, but must tag to make sure everyone knows exactly who did it? so everyone knows you hang out? or maybe date? because who else would wait for you to end your shift and buy you drinks but someone you’re romantically involved with. and you tag so everyone knows it’s a guy, and it’s THAT particular guy. gross and pathetic. which brings me to the next point.

number two: disdain and disgust. why hanker after someone’s ex?? i really don’t get it. was it because on my private twitter i said that i enjoyed myself and he treated me well, so now she has it in her head that she wants the same treatment? a normal human being doesn’t do that. in fact, i have read her tweets about how much she enjoyed having sex with the guy from tinder she had a fling with, with very lengthy descriptions of his dick size and texture, and not once did i feel the need to go and experience it for myself. because there’s this thing called girl code, on top of basic human decency. normal people DON’T hanker after their friends’ exes, even after friendship ends. MORE THAN ONE EX TOO. normal people also don’t tweet stupid shit like ‘every time julian took public transport and waited outside studio i felt so envious because ___ never did that for me, even though he had a motorcycle and could go anywhere, which makes me wonder if i’m not worth being loved.’ LIKE UM OK HOW IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME FEEL, reading something so MANIPULATIVE AND GUILT-TRIPPY ON TWITTER DOT COM. julian wasn’t a great ex (or even a great person) but he did occasionally do nice things, and you romanticise the ONE thing to the point of comparing it with your own lacking relationship?? red flag. and then when i have another ex, you hanker after what he represents once again, which is good treatment. well idk what to say but people i date generally treat me well sometimes. and the common factor here is obviously me. so even if you date the same guys i date it doesn’t mean?? u will be treated the same way?????? just a thought. it is truly extremely pathetic to hang onto hope that this Perfect Idealised Boyfriend On A Pedestal could someday be yours if you just wait long enough. you waited 2 years for your RC ex and he still dumped you for a virginal year 1. i hate him on your behalf, and never in a million years would i consider wanting him, no matter how attractive or charismatic he is. simply because, even though i hate you, i will NOT touch your exes that I KNOW FULL WELL have hurt you. 

number three: anger. i don’t hate people. not really. like i don’t think i’ve ever hated anyone enough to wish they’d die a horrible and gruesome death. but the past two days i have felt anger so big it felt like my entire chest was on fire and if i screamed it would come out like a blowtorch. i wanted to take my new ceramic knife and saw off her fingers one by one and then grate her stupid ugly nose off. that was for a moment, and the moment has passed. but i don’t think the hatred will. i can very confidently say that, at least for the next two weeks or so, i will hate her enough to risk damnation. because she IS fucking despicable. and now i guess everyone knows it too. 

there was a moment when i wondered why i was so stricken. i spoke to a friend to try to figure it out. i asked her, why am i so bothered. is it because if he dates her after dumping me it means that she’s better than me and that’s what i can’t stand? or is it because he actively makes time to meet her but not me, so on some level he actually does prefer her to me? then my friend said that she doesn’t think that’s the case, and that he probably can meet her PRECISELY because he doesn’t have romantic feelings and he won’t get entangled. additionally, she also reminded me that just because one man, even my ex that i loved deeper than anyone else, chooses her over me, it doesn’t mean his opinion is god’s opinion (or even a wise/informed one) and therefore it is fallacious to jump to the conclusion that he is right and that she IS better or that she has ‘won’. i added to that and said that yes, people are not prizes to begin with anyway. and yes, one man’s judgment does not determine my worth. another friend just said, very bluntly, that his initial thought was ‘let the trash take the trash out’. im still not okay with someone i still love being called trash because like, hello my feelings, but i understand his sentiments lah. 

no matter how i rationalise it, i guess it does hurt that he’d spend time with her but not once try to spend time with me. i’d make all the time, i honestly would. and i have endless reserves of care and attention and i feel like over time my capacity just increases, even with the new job and the new charges. but i also know that i never had any power in this relationship. i can’t make the first move, i can’t ask for anything, i will never call the shots because it’s imbalanced from the beginning. so if he doesn’t care to meet me but cares enough about HER to meet HER then what can i do? nothing. just accept it like a horrible itchy clothing tag giving you a rash but u can’t exactly strip down bc ur in public. maybe over time he will start to think that she is right for him, she can make him happy, she is his soulmate. she will have won, my friends’ predictions will be right, i will have been wrong about his character, and once again there will be nothing i can do. 

maybe it’s better that he cares so little for me he doesn’t even want to see me at all. because i don’t think my feelings have gone away. it’s magnetic. like an orbital pull. and i know that if i get a little bit i will just want all of it. it was hard enough to pull away the last time and pretend i had to go and pretend i was fine. so if he doesn’t want me in his orbit, maybe it’s actually god’s blessing in disguise and god is trying to tell me that it’s better to be untethered in space than it is to be attached to someone who doesn’t even love me. better to be unhappy on my own than believe i’m happy with someone who doesn’t want me right??? 

serenity prayer: grant me the serenity to accept that which i cannot change, the courage to change that which i can, and the wisdom to tell the difference.

[normal-thoughts-official]

Do you have any hcs for Magnus taking ppl to pride for the first time? I kinda feel like he’d act as a guide for others, making sure everyone feels safe and happy during their first time. Like, I can picture him bringing daylighter Raphael out for the first time, showing Meliorn around (bc even though they’ve been around for a while, the Seelies don’t really do human stuff) and holding Alec’s hand while he looks around in amazement.

well surprise surprise this got very long. bet y’all never saw that coming

ok so i particularly love this ask because like, the idea of meliorn going to pride for the first time is a riot and i adore it

like seelie society has developed completely independently from mundane society in every way, hell, it existed before humans did. so there's absolutely no reason whatsoever to believe that their culture even has the concepts of gender of sexuality, and believing that it would be the same as modern western ones is just straight up anachronistic tbh

so like personally i hc that seelie society has no gender (and therefore no concept of sexuality in the way that we see it), so the idea of pride- doesn't even make sense to them, cuz there's no concept of these identities, much less a history of oppression that would bring forward the need to celebrate their resistance like there currently is

so meliorn would want to go just to like, see what that's like and what's it all about. and the whole time they're just following Magnus around and like, taking notes. hm, interesting, what is this trans thing again? ah yes, people who dont think their personality matches the one mundanes believe would be brought by their genitals. hm. fascinating. and Magnus is just like, laughing loudly and it's the best pride he's ever been to, because he knows how ridiculous queerphobia and cishetnormativity are, but meliorn can make that so clear in their words in a way thats just, like, fantastic to hear, you know? and they dont even mean to, but it's great all the same

plus meliorn actually does feel good because a lot of people look at them and smile broadly or even wave, especially younger people who are just like, in awe of them and Magnus, who are so unapologetically gnc and indisputably beautiful, and looking at them is just like, inspiring, you know? and Meliorn has never felt this admired and appreciated and they dont even fully understand why, they're just walking around in their usual clothing and leaf makeup and everyone is just like, in love with them. and it's nice. they can tell there's an edge of sadness to the whole thing, like how their normal everyday existence seems to be so shocking and refreshing for these people, but mostly they feel good about it

later they bring their findings to the other seelies - you know, the ones who dont usually leave the realm and are way less familiar with mundane culture(s) than they are - and the others are like. shut up. there's no way this is real. the shape of their genital defines what wavelength they are supposed to find appealing? this makes no sense. and meliorn's like "idk what to tell u buddy i literally physically can't lie" and they're like surely this is an elaborate prank

but anyway it's fun and nice and they enjoy it greatly and ask Magnus a lot of questions, and Magnus loves going with them more than anyone else because its just so fun and the way this is completely unnatural to them feels refreshing - Magnus doesnt have to explain why he feels the way he feels, for once, but rather he has to explain why people dont get that, and thats a good change tbh

okay onto other ppl im sorry for this tangent djdndjdndk RAPHAEL YES. god i just. okay i love the mental image of Magnus taking Raphael to pride aaaaaaaa

like okay first of all so many layeRS to make this emotional, okay. the fact that he's now a daylighter and can enjoy being out in the sun, the fact that this is a bright costumed parade and it kinda reminds him of the día de los muertos parade and makes him feel at home, the fact that he gets to celebrate and meet other ace ppl - just, so many good things going on here dundidmdi

and Raphael was kinda unsure about going because 1- pride can get pretty sexual at times, and while he gets it and doesn't mind other people's business, he doesn't want to be hit on or participate in that; 2- big crowd makes senses go craycray and it can get very overwhelming and he's scared of overload, plus it's just not his scene in general with huge parties and such. but a part of him does want to go and he's torn, so of course Magnus is immediately like "oh dear, don't worry, i can take you, i'll make sure it's good" and Raphael is like okay

so Magnus takes him and it's :') nice, because as always he’s just so attentive. disclosure i’ve only ever been to the São Paulo pride so i’m gonna go with how it works in here but im assuming it’s not that different in like, other places. also São Paulo currently has the biggest pride parade in the world along with NYC so you know, i think it’s influential at the very least

anyway so he finds a section that’s led by ace pride groups, one that’s considerably small (in number of ppl) and spacious, and it’s. nice. very nice. magnus makes it a point to paint the ace pride colors on raphael’s face (we deserve raphael in makeup tbh) and raphael is all like “it’s fine, it’s not like i’ll want to draw a lot of attention” (like he isn’t wearing the ace flag colors already) and magnus is like hush, let me have this, i want my boy to have a good pride experience. so raphael lets him and hides his smile and lets him, and it’s. cute okay

also idk why but i have the mental image of raphael seeing some other latino guy with some sign like. “i’m not your fetish” or something of the sort, and kind of tearing up because his whole life he’s been seen as this kind of sexual fantasy that couldn’t not be about sex, much less not be interested in it, and he feels seen. and it’s nice, okay

and as promised it’s not too overwhelming in matters of like people, tactile issues and such (there’s little magnus can do about the noise other than spell raphael to decrease his sensitivity so he doesn’t get overwhelmed, which is not ideal because it makes communication a bit harder between them, but he does it anyway if raphael asks him to), and if raphael gets tired, they can always turn into a corner and take a portal back home and cuddle the post-crowd jitteriness away. so it’s a success. and raphael hugs magnus later and thanks him and says that it was so great, that he’s missed this, the energy and the colors and the sun, and he never thought he’d get to have it again, and he did thanks to magnus. and magnus hugs him back and tells him “anything for you, my boy,” and it’s the sweetest thing okay im emo

also okay this still falls under Raphael and Meliorn but the POLYCULE okay, or at least saiaphaeliorn. like sign me the fuck up for the 4 of them together at pride, meliorn and magnus helping make some cute pride-themed makeup on the other 3, just aaaaaaaaa. maia looking absolutely gorgeous with her face framed in the bright bi colors, maybe a sunny dress with the trans flag colors? just because i think she’d look so cute in like, a mostly white dress with baby pink and blue details, okay. simon just paints the pan flag on his cheek but it’s still vibrant and cute and it suits him. and ghhghghghg meliorn delicately painting raphael’s face with colorful glitter..... effervescent, okay. just beautiful

and they get to hold hands in public and laugh and crack jokes and simon loves the music and the festival and raphael smiles fondly at him and maia singing along (him and meliorn definitely don’t know what the fuck they’re singing, but it’s okay because they’re clearly happy and that makes the two of them happy too) and just duahsdiahdaiuha soft okay. also they all get to experience meliorn’s takes on the whole thing and it’s fantastic and as usual meliorn gets raphael to laugh until he almost cries, and simon smiles brightly at the sight and gives meliorn a peck for their efforts, and just aaaaaaaa

in short they’re SOFT and i’m SOFT. and look yes i know that usually parades esp big ones are super crowded (lord knows the SP pride parade is an experience) but if in SP with 5 million ppl parading i could find sections with less people where you had enough space to walk holding hands and hear each other and not be overwhelmed, then i’m sure they can too, especially with magic and powers at their disposal. so i’m going to have this

also like. as much fun as this is for magnus (and it definitely is, it’s very nice to get to enjoy to be himself openly, and to bring kids there for their first time, and you know), it’s also bittersweet because like. he was there at stonewall, he was there for the first pride, you know? and apart from the obvious part where he lost so many friends who were there, there’s just. the very bad memories of the riots, because as important as they are and as much as he obviously doesn’t regret them, riots are hard, they are the language of the oppressed. he’s had to magically protect people from being shot by the police, he’s had to withstand trial by the Clave for using magic to shield the people from the tear gas and risking being seen, he’s had to save a lot of lives and he’s failed at it sometimes, too (i’ll always hc that he’s the reason neither Marsha nor Sylvia died during the riots and you can pry that away from my cold, dead hands). and he’s also seen it be whitewashed and lose some of its resistance and meaning, he’s seen Sylvia be booed at a later march when she spoke against imprisonment, and he’s seen so much be lost

and in that sense going to pride with alec later on might be his favorite, because it’s not like, a first time where he’s trying to get everyone to have the most fun they can and shit, you know? plus alec loves watching more than he does participating, he feels way too exposed in the crowded streets with so many openings and whatnot. but watching from a rooftop, where he has the best view, can still hear the sounds and enjoy the colors and the beauty of it from a distance? that’s perfect for him, and it’s a different experience

and magnus sits by his side as they watch, hand in hand, and reminisces about everything that he’s experienced after so many years, all the changes he’s seen, how he feels pride but he also feels loss and he feels old, and he fears what happens if pride’s history is forgotten, you know? and alec listens to him, listens to his version of this story, playing with magnus’ fingers and just enjoying the sound of his voice and the sight. and it’s nice. alec is always super attentive and enjoys hearing him talk and magnus can get lost in his memories unapologetically, you know? and it’s good

but that’s later on, of course, when they’ve already attended plenty together. for alec’s first pride he probably wants it to be like, perfect, so much so that alec has to tell him to slow down again, because of course magnus wants alec to have The Full Pride Experience, but alec would rather soak it up slowly than participate in a lot of stuff, anyway. magnus paints the rainbow flag on his cheek (one of the only occasions alec lets magnus put glitter on him, then promptly complains for the next three months because i swear that stuff is still on my skin, magnus, the other day i found some on my shoes! and magnus laughs at his antics as always and alec is forced to laugh too and can’t even be mad) and they kind of stay more by the end, and alec is kind of smiling in disbelief to himself the whole time as he watches all the colors and the unapologetic way people express their pride, and magnus can’t stop looking at him and grinning, too. and they walk hand in hand and it’s cute

(later, magnus says, see, mundane culture isn’t so bad, is it? and alec looks at him with a way more serious look, full of joy and happiness, and says, no, it isn’t. and kisses him and thanks him for everything, and it’s sweet)

also I'm soft thinking about Magnus reminiscing about planning the first pride along with "his dear friend Brenda" to Alec and/or Raphael, them putting their arms around his shoulder as he tells them the softer stories, too, the good things they did

small bonus: Magnus plays 2 truths and a lie with Simon regarding his memories of past prides, and Simon gets it wrong every time and is all wide eyed by the end, which makes both Magnus and Raphael laugh :)

[mikanrulz]

I legit don't get how Nina only remembers azazel when he's right in front of her or doesn't even think about the fact that he's angry with her after he stormed away. I kinda just want him to be mad at her forever. Seven or eight episodes ago I thought Nina would have tons of development she would go through. I started strong with azanina a few months ago but that's not the same Nina I was expecting. I want azazel to dump her ass so she realizes how limited her perception is. Too lil too late :)

regarding azazel + nina relationship tho,

I do think it’s always been rather one-sided on both of their parts. Er how to say this, like ships in the night thing, passing each other without actually getting through to each other? augh I wish I was better with words :(

but basically, azanina baiting in ep 1-4 (yes, the baiting actually did happen) and nina’s lack of inconsistent characterization aside, I always feel the show always tries to put nina in an outsider’s position for azazel. and this is rather consistent until ep18.

the rundown, from azazel’s perspective:

ep1:

she’s the strong but crazy girl chasing after him; he mistakes her for mugaro but doesn’t drop her; rather than him caring about her, this is more about him doing kind things without thinking, just like when he saved favaro in ep12 genesis even tho he told favaro he didn’t know why he did it.

ep2:

tells mugaro she’d be valuable to their (Demons) cause; tries to recruit her; failed and scared her instead; you can make a case here that his tsundere-ness his pride gets in the way and makes him unable to directly ask for help; here, he basically commands nina to fight for something that nina herself doesn’t understand nor care. here, he comes off as treating her like a tool to be used.

ep3:

he doesn’t mention nina at all, doesn’t seek her help and tries to do things on his own (+ mugaro). the fact he doesn’t seek nina again tells me that he sees nina is unmoved by him in ep2, and he actually gives up on her and forgets her. it means in ep2, he actually still sees her a being with a mind of her own, and him commanding her instead of asking for her help is actually only bcs he’s a tsundere he wants to preserve whatever left of his shattered pride, and not bcs he thinks he’s better than her.

ep4:

for whatever reason she finds him and he tries to tell her to take mugaro and go; she refuses; they fall, and he puts his arms around her not necessarily bcs he cares about her but more bcs it’s just his reflex; let’s not forget, he still *thinks* she’s a demon, and so since he’s trying to go save demons anyway, save her too while he’s at it.

it’s not personal for him.

then she asks to hug him; he hesitates but complies; for me, with him still thinking she’s a demon, he probably thinks she’s afraid and only asked to be comforted; he hesitates bcs 1) he’s not one to offer comfort, 2) his pride, 3) wtf. he complies bcs wth he’s gonna die in a second anyway, might as well do something completely unlike him.

this is where he changes his mind; and the words above implies it’s bcs of her powers; but I actually disagree with this assumption. after all, he did see what her powers could do in ep1. He *knows* her dragon is powerful. This is never in doubt.

he changes his mind about recruiting her bcs she actually comes to help him without being asked.

this is *important*.

Be it demons or angels, free wills have powers, and obeying contracts/commands is mandatory. And this also applies to Azazel, bcs once he realizes he can’t get nina to agree, he leaves her alone and doesn’t do anything to force her.

He needs her *wills*.

Which is why the dragon transformation scene is the game changer for him; not bcs of the dragon herself, but bcs nina, out of her own free will, comes without being asked and actually helps the demons.

This is why in rita’s place he doesn’t ask for her agreement and goes straight to offer to control her: it’s bcs he assumes he already has it - after all, she does help them all, doesn’t she.

This is where he is totally wrong.

we know from the end of ep3 that the one she tries to save is azazel and azazel only; she tries to stop him again in ep4 bcs she doesn’t want him dying, even tho stopping him means she basically lets the other demons get beheaded. in ep4, it’s important for her that azazel doesn’t die.

Azazel, meanwhile, doesn’t see this. Keeping in mind that he still thinks her a demon, he totally assumes she’s actually trying to save the demons from getting beheaded, like he is trying to do. He assumes it’s about demons solidarity.

About the hug as control thing, he may and may not understand the significance of it, but for him, the hug probably only means as a comfort thing; like a reassurance; like the way a pat on the head is enough to reassure mugaro, he seems to think all nina needs in order to transform is a reassurance in the form of a hug. Nothing less, nothing more.

He thinks she has a self-confidence issue, when that’s not true at all.

He thinks she cares about the demons, when, again, this is not true at all.

Ep6:

he doesn’t tell her anything other than a place to meet, bcs, to refer to ep4, he *thinks* they both are already on the same wavelength, that they both have the same wish and goal: to free the demons.

He only ever appears to her to preach about saving the demons anyway, and so here, he just assumes she would understand what he refers to, without actually confirming anything.

Nina meanwhile, doesn’t get his reference or what he’s talking about bcs she never cares about the demons, they’re never on her mind, and she knows him but she doesn’t know or get what he’s thinking, and therefore she puts it out of her mind too.

Ep7:

He doesn’t get why she doesn’t come to the place he tells her to, he doesn’t get why this time being hugged is not enough to reassure her and make her transform comfortably, and he doesn’t get why she’s balking out *now* of all times. Doesn’t she want to free the demons too, like him? aren’t they on the same page? Why is she being stubborn?

And, most importantly, he doesn’t get that *she* doesn’t get him, doesn’t understand what he’s trying to do.

But even after that, he goes on his own and leaves her, doesn’t force her to do anything.

Ep8:

I’ve written a bit about ep8 for nina, but for azazel, ep8 is also where he finally lets go of his pride and asks for her help *directly*. And it’s important that till the end, he doesn’t say “help me”, he says “help mugaro,” and then “help us the demons”. He uses ‘us’ bcs he still thinks nina’s a demon too, and if nothing else, she should want to save fellow demons like her.

Him calling out her name, “nina”, is important, bcs he very, very rarely calls ppl by their names.

For all of genesis and vs, ppl who he called by name so far: pazuzu, Lucifer, Beelzebub, mugaro, nina, charioce.

He’s been calling nina ‘komusume’ or little girl, only to switch into her name in this scene, which is very telling of his desperation. He needs her to actually pay attention to him, and so he calls her by name.

Yes, at the same time, calling her by name in that place means he also indirectly condemns her and is proof that she’s an acquaintance of a terrorist; but again, he also thinks her a demon; it doesn’t matter whether ppl knows they’re related bcs by virtue of being there at all she’s already guilty, and even more if she’s a demons then she’s about to be killed like the rest of the demons.

In his head, he probably thinks they’re all gonna die anyway and so she should at least try to save herself and mugaro.

There’s no other demons there, remember. There’s only azazel, and nina and mugaro (who he thinks are demons).

By ‘us’, I really think he only means mugaro; this is esp bcs he only starts fighting again when he sees mugaro being captured by angels. He already accepts his fate, but he still wishes mugaro would get saves somehow.

Ep18

This line tho:

A total lie, bcs ep4-8 pretty much established that he did expect something out of her; he had hope for her; his entire plans revolved around her caring about demons and being able to turn into dragon.

This scene is honestly only him being tsundere 1) trying to spare her feelings, 2) trying to cover for his desperation back then and how he seemed so needy, 3) trying to establish boundary again, she and he had nothing to do with each other, she’s nothing to him, let’s continue being nothing.

He’s actually, in this scene, trying to be considerate and let her off the hook, free her of guilt.

…only to have her throw it all back on his face the moment she cheerfuly transforms into a dragon lulz

So much for being considerate

tl;dr

I know you don’t mean it that way, but it bothers me when ppl used ‘he should dump her forever’ bcs this implies they had a relationship to begin with when this is not true. His interest in her is purely, er business, so to speak. He considers her an asset even more bcs he makes a mistake and assumes she’s a demon like him when this is obviously not true.

Azazel never has romantic interest in nina.

Ep1-4 baiting aside, nina never has romantic interest in azazel.

Of course ppl are free to ship whoever they want. And honestly writing this kinda makes me missed their old interaction, even if now I don’t want her anywhere near him.

Just. er. Trying to put Azazel’s perspective out there I guess :’)

[justintimbershit]

1-99

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?XO - John Mayer Cabaret - Justin Timberlake Lights On - Shawn Mendes Bad Habit - The KooksHow Would You Feel - Ed Sheeran You’re Gonna Llive Forever in Me - John Mayer

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?literally John Mayer so I can ask him why the FUCK he played XO in Chicago and why that was only the 10th time ever and first and only time of TSFE tour he played it

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.“Mom’s stumped us. We had absolutely no idea who she’d dredge” (I’ll Give You the Sun by Jandy Nelson)

4: What do you think about most?how terrible life is and then how much i wanna die tbh

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?“Jena should i get dropped off at your house then we can go get joe & julie?” IOWA TOMORROW FOR ED :DDDD

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?always w shirt but no pants lol

7: What’s your strangest talent?hating life as much as i do idk i have no talent

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)girls r hot n nice boys r hot n mean

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?yeah bc we were in love lol :(

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar? idk i usually dont

11: Do you have any strange phobias?feet, being alone but also being in large crowds, idk theyre not very weird

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?no?

13: What’s your religion?idk man none atm prob

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?looking forward to going inside. but working and therefore reading.

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?behind bc i am ugly lol

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?um probably panic at the disco but then also the killers

17: What was the last lie you told?“its fine” bc no it is not fine i wanna fight

18: Do you believe in karma?ya i think so. maybe

19: What does your URL mean?i like Justin Timberlake and also swearing

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?weakness is probably just who i am as a person and strength is idk i dont have any

21: Who is your celebrity crush?lmao. you say this like i have one. i have many. like thousands.

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?nope

23: How do you vent your anger?talk to someone usually

24: Do you have a collection of anything?movie/concert/sporting event tickets and also empty gatorade bottles on my floor

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?phone bc im ugly

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?eh. better than what i was but could be better

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?hate is my sisters voice lol love is john mayers voice bc he sounds like a fuckin angel

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?what if i was someone else but not really someone else just like what if i was me with a better life or a differnt life in which things didnt always go so terribly for me ya know

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?ghosts maybe but aliens def

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.right arm some paper hanging off my nightstand and left nothing

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?the faint scent of clean laundry and lotion

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?hm.. great question. i feel like ive been to some pretty bad places but i cant recall any???

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?ive never been to either but east coast i think

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?justin timberlake bc hes one of the most attractive men in the entire world

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?bein happy, doin what you want, livin

36: Define Art.something someone creates

37: Do you believe in luck?yes i do

38: What’s the weather like right now?humid i think

39: What time is it?9:41 pm

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?nope to both

41: What was the last book you read?i recently finished “The Upside of Unrequited” and now im workin on “More Than This”

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?no i hate it it makes me nauseous

43: Do you have any nicknames?jules

44: What was the last film you saw?o fuck um fist fight maybe?

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?the sunburn i got in florida was terrible bc i couldnt walk for a day so im gonnna say that

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?no :(

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?brandon saad being a chicago blackhawk again, tommy la stella, john mayer, reading gay books

48: What’s your sexual orientation?bi

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?uuuuum possibly ??? idk

50: Do you believe in magic?nah but also maybe

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?in my mind yes but most of the times my actions dont reflect that especially if its been a while

52: What is your astrological sign?sagittarius

53: Do you save money or spend it?both. i allow myself to spend it as long as i still have a decent amount saved

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?lunch at panera lol

55: Love or lust?neither bc they both suck when ur alone

56: In a relationship?no lol

57: How many relationships have you had?zero

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?nope i am not talented like that

59: Where were you yesterday?yesterday. i think i stayed home all day then me mary and joe hung out and went to get milkshakes at steak n shake

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?the inside of the bra bra sitting waiting to be put away lol

61: Are you wearing socks right now?indeed

62: What’s your favourite animal?sloths my fav

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?i dont have one bc if i did ppl would like me, tf

64: Where is your best friend?at home id assume

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.whats tumblr

66: What is your heritage?im italian but i was born here and so were my parents

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?watching an episode of Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia before i showered

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?satan satan

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?yeah lmao who hasnt tho

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?i think so sometimes but other times im the worst person ever idk how i have friends

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?fuck u boss i love dogs and if u hate dogs that much as to not understand the situation i dont wanna work for a dog hater. asshole.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?a. maybe probably b. everything ive never done but wanted to c. probably

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.fuck. um. shit. id say love but then u cant trust the person you love so like… but at the same time i love love so much i feel like id die w/o it n ya know i dont trust anyone anyways so im gonna say love

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?srsly…..Bye Bye Bye by *NSYNC bc i cant be sad listening to that song lolol

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?9077

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?communication n openness

77: How can I win your heart?just be nice to me lol i have low standards

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?yes i do believe so

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?buying tickets to see john mayer lol that changed my life so drastically. my life is now pre john mayer and post john mayer. he literally fucking sang xo i will never get over it that will always be the happiest moment of my life im crying while typing this

80: What size shoes do you wear?8 - 9 ½ depending on the shoe

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?‘probably died because she said she wanted to die so often that death got sick of hearing it and killed her.“

82: What is your favourite word?fuck

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.justin timberlake. god im so fucked lol

84: What is a saying you say a lot?'i hate my life’ 'i want to die’ 'u should fight’

85: What’s the last song you listened to?Fools Gold by One Direction lmao

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?turquoise

87: What is your current desktop picture?justin timberlake leaning on a car lookin all hot n shit

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?myself tbh

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?uuuum idk it depends whos askin ya know. id answer certain questions if asked by one peson but not another

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?probably cry and attempt but ultimately fail to go back to sleep

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?flying or teleportation

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?when john mayer played XO at my concert obviously

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?losing all the pictures on my computer bc i keep saying im over it but im really not that was the entire past 4 years of my life in pictures and videos and theyre just gone its bullshit

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?oh man. so many. but if i had to choose one justin timberlake. wow bet no one saw that comin

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?literally fuckin no where im seeing ed sheeran in a matter of hours im not leaving. but if it were a different day lol id say amsterdam or boston

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?not that im aware of

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?when i was a smol child yea h but not recently

98: Ever been on a plane?when i was a child yes

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?um lol idk probably nothing tbh i dont wanna be held responsible for whatever happens afterwards

[therewas-a-girl]

promeytheus replied to your post: would you believe that there are literally zero...

AhahhHhahahahabah. 

Can u believe every time I want to see a diggle meta it turns into an ota/olicity thing

Yes. yes i can believe that. easily. 

can you believe that i want to punch someone every time i hear him called Yoda. serious question here, but am i really the only one bothered by this. idk, its not teh name per se but just the feel of it. i cannot put it into words, but it bothers me cause it feels reductive. john is not the holder of some great truth and universal wisdom. he is a wise man, its tru, and very good at balancing his issues out, but i feel like every time someone calls him ‘yoda’ it nullifies those issues and therefore, his depth? 

idk its a weird feeling

Is it me, or is it not okay to want a meta that everything to do with diggle and not somehow be tied back to ota or felicity or oliver

it is not you. 

it most definitely is not fucking okay. it’s tiresome. its bothersome. if you wanna blather my ear off about ota and how important it is - and not mean it as an exclusionary term the way so many mean it -  then lets give all the characters involved their own importance and standing. diggle doesn't only matter when he’s propping up the other two white faves. like, please, he is his own person with his own life and i wanna talk about him a while and how he came to be this person, and where this wisdom in him comes from, and the sadness in him comes from and how come that he is so well balanced and how hard he tries, to look that way. if he fails, and breaks sometimes and how he puts himself back together. 

or if he’s not the type to do that at all!

maybe john is with himself the way he is with everything else. maybe he is the kind that feels conflicted and is in great pain and lost when he doesnt know what to do, how to solve a problem. but once he makes up his mind, that’s it. he will be unshakable from then on, and he will force everything to make sense because he has already decided and THAT is where this sense of certainty and security that he gives off comes from

but tho i have these thoughts i would love to compare them to other people’s. i would love ot hear more talk of john, of the workings of his mind, expand my own understanding of him. i cant do that if everything circles back to the two assholes in love he shares a tea with. 

or if you wanna play it like that, then make it an OT3 and we’ll all be happy. 

but no, that’s not okay is it?

Like ke where are my metas about his relationship with lyla and what it must be like to have a son but know he had a daughter.

Yes where? how did john and lyla fall in love? who fell first? why does john love her? why does she love him? as in, what are the traits that one is most drawn to in the other? what are the things that they appreciate the most? are attracted to the most? you have one of the greatest, best love stories of Arrow here - these people fell in love when they were at war. 

how did that fail them? how does it feel, when love fails you? how does it leave you? how does it change you? how did it change john and Lyla? what did they do differently the second time around? do they think about the mistakes they made, do they knowledge  them. how do they deal with the things that never change: their pov-s about the world, about right and wrong, means and the ends. how do they deal with their differing ideas on necessity and morality? at the end of the day they must agree with each other on at least a part of their worldviews. 

who is this man anyway? how does he like his coffee? what smells can’t he stand? is he the kind that does spring cleaning? who, between him and lyla, goes grocery shopping more often? how does he like to be kissed, touched? how do john and lyla prefer to fuck? these are all valid questions! who is the one between them with a real taste for pretty things (i think it’s john); who likes to go shopping for tickets? both, neither? who goes to war and comes back with souvenirs? what cant they stand about the other? the little bits of irritating habits? do they ever laugh about those? what does a fight between them look like?

how did it feel when John left for the army again? what did they talk about? what did lyla feel? what did john feel? how would it hurt them to see their marriage flounder so dangerously for the second time. they are both matter-of-fact people but they are both people who love with their whole hearts. how many times can the two same people break each other’s hearts? and yet they keep loving each other. i mean - come on! 

can john imagine having a daughter? he’s the realist, the practical person. to him a never-there daughter is imaginary. but he was still very upset when he learned what barry had done. does he think about her? does he talk to lyla about her? does this sara they have never met come up when tehy talk about having another child? does it scare them? 

Or about how he went from seeing Andy and literally was having hallucinations and then his story was just wrapped up.  Since his s/l was my favorite last season it disappointed me so much how his s/l this season played out. So much potential wasted.

OH ANDY. people talk about oliver’s sacrifices a lot but imagine for a moment of oliver had to kill thea with his own hands. because making a parallel with the white male fav is the best way to get ppl to stop and think, so yeah i went there. 

imagine sara having to kill laurel, felicity having to kill her mother. 

john was so shaken, so traumatized that he doubted his whole world. he didnt know what was right and wrong anymore and for a man who relies so much on those set definitions that is like having him continuously tumbling down a rabbit hole. 

he sought some steady ground in a structure that he knew, that he had relied on before: the military. he wanted the simplicity of being a soldier again. of not having to decide right and wrong, of just following orders. he wanted to detach himself from people he had failed, from the normal life he couldnt adjust to, from the every day responsibilities because how could be fulfill them when he couldn’t judge anything right. which is very important for someone like him. he needs a structure, clear lines that he needs to keep himself within. he believes those clear lines will keep him from making huge mistakes in judgment - he told this to oliver in s1 when oliver started fucking around with Helena and making excuses for her murderous streak. 

this is literally like when oliver went back to lian yu after season 1 man. 

the military failed him. he coudlnt rely on anyone thinking for him, making decisions for him. maybe it was also a kind of punishment though - going away. 

no, it was. he hated himself so much over what he’d done that Deadshot - a man he’d hated for years - came to keep him company. which means that john hated his own self about as much as he’d hated Deadshot. which means that he really wanted to give up. john diggle wanted to give up on himself, to find some kind of atonement. or maybe he was just so tired and didnt believe he was worth it. 

oliver got him out - john went back to his family. how did he and lyla reconnect? what did they talk about? how did he explain himself to lyla? did he? what exactly changed - how - in him, that he went from the man happy to rot in  a cell to the man that wanted to fight for himself. was being with his family what changed him? was the team? oliver? lyla? was feeling how loved and dear he was to everyone whose life he’d touched what brought him back to some semblance of the man he was?

these are all things worth discussing. 

[ptonkin]

Top 5 Hayley moments.

SAHAR I LOVE YOU

PS: This got long I’m so sorryPPS: if you read all this you deserve a cookie.

3x02 -  The fight scene with Klaus “All I ever wanted for her was something better” “Fight back!” “I missed everything” Also one of my top 5 scenes of the entire show. Also Phoebe’s best acted scene.

I still get tears in my eyes when I watch that scene over a year later, the raw emotion and the pain but most of all the frustration of Klaus’ lack of understanding that what she did wasn’t to hurt him it was to give their daughter a better future. Hayley has understood from day one that Klaus takes everything personally and takes everything as a threat against him and his because of his paranoia, and she just wants him to understand that yes she fucked up but she didn’t take Hope away to hurt him because she’s never wanted to hurt him, she’s never wanted to fight with him, all she’s ever wanted is for them two to get along so Hope can look back and go “Yeah my mom and dad tried for me, they love me and they gave me all i ever needed” because that’s not something that either Klaus or Hayley can say. And then she just wants him to fight back because she’s got all this rage and she just wants to have it out with him because he took their baby girl and deprived her of a parent for six months, for entirely different reasons than she was going to do it and she’s just so angry at both herself and Klaus that they’ve let it get this far.

Oh my heart when she realised Hope was there and toddling on her own and you can see Hayley’s heart break in two and you can see in that moment that she’s just like “she’s grown up and I missed it” , she missed Hope’s first smile, first laugh, the first time she sat up by herself, the first time she started grabbing things, a lot of firsts and Hayley was like “right I can make up for that now and not miss anything else” when she got her back in 214 and she failed and honestly I just can’t with that entire scene it breaks my fucking heart.

201 - “I was a mother and now I’m a monster”

Literally in the space of a few seconds Hayley was Hope’s mother, then she pricked her finger and that one drop of blood turned Hayley into something she never wanted. She didn’t want eternal life, she didn’t want to wake up every single day drinking blood. She didn’t want to be shunned by her pack because of what she’d become. And her life flipped within a couple hours, she gave birth to her baby, died, got her baby back, transformed into a hybrid then had to spend months not seeing her baby pretending she’d died

Hayley spent months just going on slaughter sprees, going into her wolf form to avoid human contact with people and then murdered some of the wolves she’d grown to love in order to end war with the witches.... She’d become something she never wanted to be. She’d become a monster in her eyes, everything had changed and she just wants Elijah to see that, to see that she’s not the lost little girl looking for her parents anymore, carrying his niece, she’s a brutal creature capable of horrific things that even she never thought she’d be able to and here Elijah is telling her it’s going to be alright and things will get better and he just doesn’t understand that without her child there is no getting better, there’s nothing for her except being the monster she is. She’s been acting out for months to cope with the loss but also to show people that she’s not a mom anymore, she’s just Hayley the hybrid, the monster and she just wants Elijah to understand that.

209 - The reunion with Hope

No big massive paragraph on this, just the fact I cry nearly every single time i see it because my baby finally gets to hold her baby again after so long and it’s just everything.

316 - “Being kind, doesn’t make you weak” (Also this ties in with “ You did a nice thing today, Klaus, for Davina, who you hate.”)

I feel like Hayley is the only one of Klaus’ ‘Love interests’ if you can call her that, that has never tried to change Klaus for her own self. Both Caroline and Cami were inherently good people, but they were also people that wanted Klaus to be a good person, and for both of them i feel like it was moreso for how their feelings for him would reflect on them, an extra special case of “Good girl loves bad boy” i feel both of them tried to change Klaus so that his ‘darkness’ wouldn’t reflect badly on them. Not because they wanted him to overall feel better about himself, but because they wanted less people to judge him and therefore them in respect. Also with Cami, I feel like Cami had a -need- to ‘fix’ Klaus because of what happened with Sean and she kinda wanted to be like “Well if I couldn’t save Sean I’ll save Klaus” to prove she could, to prove to herself she could do good and change people and leave a mark on the world, tbh.

But Hayley has never wanted to change Klaus for anyone but himself (and Hope) she points out his flaws, yes, his paranoia and the fact he is the thing that keeps turning people on them, but in this moment, she’s legit like

“Look I get that you’re afraid of seeming weak but you’re not Klaus, you’re not weak, and you helping someone out doesn’t make you weak, nobody will think any less of you, you can do this” and then later on when she’s telling Klaus he did a nice thing, she’s like “See, you’re not weak, you’ve done a nice thing and nobody thinks lesser of you for it” to tie it all in together

It’s also an acknowledgement that yes you can do fucking awful, terrible things, when they’re needed, as both hayley and klaus have done, but also that you shouldn’t forgo kindness when it’s needed, and you shouldn’t be an ass just for the sake of being an ass, which i think is a life lesson in itself probably

(and to explain that I mean like... some ppl think it’s okay to be an asshole in certain situations, I am one of those people, but at the same time there’s no need to be an asshole all the time, and when there’s an opportunity to be nice to someone who needs it, even if you can’t stand them or don’t even know who they are, it’s always good to be nice)

102 - This one was hard to pick because I have a lot of Hayley moments I love, but sneaking and giving Rebekah the daggers.

 Rebekah’s come in with this attitude, made comments about Hayley, bossed her around the house and showed her its horrors and was flippant about the woman carrying her niece, but Hayley heard about what Klaus did with those daggers and just decided she wasn’t gonna let it happen again, she defied Klaus  and for all she knew with how close Rebekah and Klaus were, she could’ve handed the daggers straight back to Klaus and been like “Your baby mama is a snake” (or at the very least ratted her out if not handed the daggers back as a sign of goodwill to get Klaus on her side and get Elijah back) but Hayley took a chance, stole the daggers and gave them to Rebekah to save her the heartache of being daggered again, basically doing something kind and possibly risking herself in the process and I think it’s an underrated moment.