#and also treat her like a capable adult. how can she learn how to be an adult if nobody treats her like one? shes perfectly capable once

[anotherpapercut]

working with children really will make you examine your thought processes and emotional reactions like nothing else. I've found myself being so much more thoughtful in my daily life about how I respond to my emotions and environment, as well as the reasoning behind why others behave the way they do

[be-good-to-bugs]

the world isnt so bad

[tired-fandom-ndn]

If it isn't obvious, I've been rewatching Elementary off and on as a break between audiobooks. Something that really interests me is that when Joan first starts working as a detective officially, she gets "interventions" from multiple people in her life (her friends, her therapist, Gregson, etc) who nearly always claim that Sherlock is unaware or apathetic to the danger his work poses to Joan.

All of these conversations happen under the guise of protecting Joan, making her aware of the danger of being a detective (and of being close to Sherlock) so that she can escape. Every single one of those people assumes that Joan is naive and needs to be protected in the first place, particularly from Sherlock's supposed carelessness.

Sherlock, on the other hand, is the one who regularly reminds Joan of the dangers AND gives her ways to defend and protect herself. He strongly encourages her to learn self-defense and, while his methods are. . . not great, he does a lot to improve her reflexes and her ability to recognize and handle dangerous situations. Instead of treating her like a child who isn't aware of the danger, he treats her like an adult who is making informed decisions and should be given resources to handle the consequences.

I don't know where I'm going with this, I'm just very fascinated not just by how Joan is infantalized by people who genuinely mean well but also how much her relationship with Sherlock is mischaracterized even by people who know them and their dynamic. While nearly everyone else in her life is trying to help her "escape" from a situation she chose and is happy in, Sherlock is the one actually giving her the tools and support needed to handle whatever comes.

(Also something about how the very first person other than Sherlock who not only recognizes how much Joan enjoys detective work but actively encourages her to change careers is her mom, who is seemingly critical and judgemental but sees Joan as an intelligent and capable adult who can make her own choices. Hmm. There's something there.)

[balkanradfem]

Do you ever think about how sad and messed up it is to grow up in this world as a little girl who likes to read. Because you are a child, and you don't get that there's a difference in who writes the books, you read everything you like, you read the adventures and the fantasy and the mysteries and the traumatic stuff and if you're also very isolated and lonely, these books build your worldview. Because why wouldn't they? They're written by humans, so they have the attitudes, opinions, perceptions, morals and spirits of human beings in them, they're telling you what humans think and feel about things, how they go about situations, what they imagine, what they desire. What your role in all this is, or what it could potentially be.

But, since you are not capable of differentiating the material, and you just read what is available to you, you end up reading a lot of books written by m*n. You also have to go thru the required reading at school - 90% written by m*n. And so slowly, since young age, without even socializing or learning it thru interaction, you find yourself in a world shaped by minds who do not have empathy for women, especially not for little girls. You find yourself relating to the male protagonists, but you also find out that girls only play a passive role in their stories. You find that m*n problems are centered, made important, their suffering and violence critical points in the story, while women are cast aside as helpers, servants, givers, caretakers, and generally just exist in the background, not a thought given to what they are going thru.

You learn thru books written by m*n, that your experience is secondary. Even if you cast yourself as the adventuring, immensely important and struggling protagonist, even then the other women in your mind end up being just background characters, caregivers who do not need a thought spared for their suffering.

Books written by m*n, even for children, will trivialize female suffering to the point where they shape the child's mind into one that looks at the world from a male perspective. Where women either don't matter, or are capable only of giving and aiding, to be cast aside for more important matters, such as male aspirations for their own lives.

Thinking back, I understand why I felt myself unimportant and trivial in any social setting - I understood my role from the written word, and I knew adults found me trivial, secondary, only a background figure to someone else's adventure or mission. As much as I could fight it in my fantasies, and make myself the main character, it felt like a pipe dream, like something that was incredible self-indulged and selfish and would never translate to reality.

I wish it had been different. I wish I had been introduced specifically and only to books written by women, for women. I wish I had found empathy for myself in those books. I wish I had found myself standing on high ground, equal ground, with other women, our desires centered, our lives translated into tales of epic importance - because that's what they are. I wish I had been born into a world where female perspective is available from the start, not after years of growing up and finding feminist literature and having to re-write my own role in my brain, from all of those years of reading male perspective as the default.

I don't think any little girl should be exposed to literature that shape her world as a place where she doesn't matter. I don't think books written by males and shaped by their worldview should be allowed into children's literature, or teenage or for young adults. Girls should not be learning from fiction that their most important value is empathy and understanding for male problems, and their second, to be desired and/or helpful to them, all while being treated as nothing but service and background noise until you're desired for something. We need to open books and find out that we matter too. That our lives can be the center of our existence, rather than being in the service of someone else's life.

[imthepunchlord]

What's your thoughts about the unifications?

Conceptually, unification works. Honestly, I think it makes sense being able to dual wield Miraculous. Especially working off positive and negative energy/yin-yang.

It works off that theme of balance, having two different energies being able to work together.

But, much like anything in canon, I feel the concept could've gone farther.

Like, I think it'd be neat that unification could lead to animals that don't exist as Miraculous:

Ladybug + any feline creates a Leopard themed hero.

Any bug + any reptile creates a Dragonfly themed hero.

Any reptile + any bird creates a Dragon themed hero.

Any cat + any bird creates a Griffin themed hero.

Horse + Fish could've made a Seahorse themed hero.

Cat + Goat could've made a Chimera themed hero.

Not that they really went that way and just went weird with the naming, combing the names of preexisting heroes instead of letting characters name themselves and working off their own unique personalities. Like, instead of Pegabug, I could've seen Marinette calling herself Appaloosa or if you want to go punny, Appleloosa.

I also think that dual wielding Miraculous shouldn't be that difficult, as pairs are something that always exist, and I can see the body handling matching with two different types of magical energy. Now, wielding more than 2 I can see being set up to take a toll on the body as there's more magical energy to work off of, and the higher you go the more tired you're going to be.

Though I could just be biased as I feel the temporary heroes weren't necessary and Marinette and Adrien could've juts unified with the rest and continue to handle things; I also feel that, post meeting Fu and him able to see that they were trustworthy and dedicated and were able to succeed despite HM having the being an adult edge, they should've gotten a 2nd Miraculous to have full time, not only to help give them a boost, but also allow continued growth.

Ladybug/Tikki did help with Marinette's growth in confidence and being a leader, but there's nothing else TIkki is adding to her growth (which I find it's kinda debatable how much Tikki really added to Marinette's over all growth), but at this time, Ladybug and Tikki just work off this is a responsibility than something for Marinette to grow as a character. And now she's developing an Atlas complex and that anxiety is getting worse with the pressure and expectation of the role and no one there telling Marinette she needs to prioritize and value her own needs and wants. I don't even know if this girl knows how to relax at this point. And that there is the next phase for Marinette's growth. She needs to learn to put down boundaries, to say no, to not involve herself as much, and think about her own needs and wants, cause you can't really help others until you help yourself.

Cat/Plagg was good for Adrien to gain that independence he wants, be more rebellious against his father, and to self-prioritize. But now he prioritizes his wants way too much, doesn't really treat heroing with the seriousness required nor has he stepped up as a leader and equal to Ladybug, and still readily endangers himself, to the point of self-sacrificing. And that's the next phase for his growth, get a Miraculous and kwami that will address those, learn to be more serious in fights, not to say he can no longer be a wisecrack but save the flirting and pranks for night patrols not akuma fights, step up as a leader and truly share that burden, which would've helped his partner rely on him more and trust his capability more, and address that self-sacrificing. Either learn to be more cautious or think a little bit more before acting. Like, great, you saved your partner by sacrificing yourself, but you also left her alone to deal with things, and what if the fight went poorly because she was alone, and she fails, and that sacrifice was pointless. I don't know how many more times he did so, but man it needed to be addressed.

Another factor is that unification could've been extra interesting in that combing Miraculous could've created new powers through the combination of preexisting powers.

Like Shelter + Venom could've created Shell Shock, where hitting the shield would shock and stun a target.

Shelter + Cataclysm or Clout could've made Bombshell, put up a protective dome and it sends out a destructive blast or shock wave around you.

Mirage + Cataclysm could've made Nightmare, where the illusion creates someone's worst fears.

Second Chance + Cataclysm could've made Hissterics, getting a target to live in the worst timeline.

Time travel could've existed as a unification power through combining Horse and Snake/Rabbit, if the latter still has a time power.

Though neat an idea it is, it is something that would work better with fewer Miraculous, as 19 that canon has is a lot of powers to think of possibly combining. That is 361 matches to think about and how they make a new power. And now that I got 35 I won't be doing the concept either, even more so as I'm going with Miraculous having 2 powers to offer.

So unification is a neat concept, but I think it could've gone further if they were more creative. Definitely prefer it to the potions.

[showtoonzfan]

Something that bugs me about Loona and the way the fandom treats her, is that despite the writing being nowhere near perfect and despite her faults, the show DOES show us that Loona is capable of caring. She’s capable of being nice, she’s capable of having heartfelt conversations and actually talking to people/empathizing and learning, as we see with her taking care of Blitz, and talking to Octavia.

And yet, whenever we bring up the problems with her writing on how she’s aggressive/abusive and never seems to truly improve, the fandom coddles her and babies her, portraying her as this helpless traumatized child who doesn’t know any better and is incapable of decency apparently or interacting with others all because of her trauma. Yes, Loona may have anxiety and trouble connecting with people, but that doesn’t mean she can’t improve. If the show is showing us that she CAN do these things, than fans need to stop shielding her from any sort of redemption just because she had a bad childhood.

Loona is 22 years old, she’s not a child, she’s a full gown adult, so stop babying her and excusing her. She was 17 when Blitz took her out of the pound, meaning she was in a healthy environment for at least 5-6 years. There is absolutely no reason for her to be treating the only person who took her out of that toxic environment and showered her with love like utter shit. The way she treats Blitz is not excusable and neither is her aggressive behavior towards others. While her getting defensive can certainly be a trauma response to how she was treated in the pound, it’s still not an excuse, especially since like I said, if Loona is capable of making friends and being kind and caring AS we’ve seen, then stop acting like she’s immune to criticism. Trauma is not an excuse for being a shitty person.

Part of the problem is also because I feel like the show flip flops with her. The writers can’t really decide wether they want her to be someone who while has trauma can improve from it, or someone who’s out of control and desperately needs help. Regardless of the show’s major writing flaws of characters never improving or learning from their mistakes, fans need to stop excusing her behavior all because she grew up in that pound. While she doesn’t need to be a fully put together person, she’s had plenty of time to expand and grow and on some level IS capable of doing so, so stop treating her like a helpless Uwu baby.

[cheecats]

To soothe you from your Riverstar's Home trauma, how about you ramble about oneripple?

YOU'RE SO KIND FOR LETTING ME GO OFF ABOUT THIS TY TY 💞💞💞 I'm terrible at structuring logical/coherent rambles, so I'll just dump some thoughts I have (obv these exclude Riverstar's Home and are roughly how I'd like to play with their dynamic [give them to me NOW erins!!])

LONG POST UNDER CUT!

Obviously this is way before the mountain cats arrive. BIG FAN of the idea that River Ripple and his small circle at the time were the ones to help One Eye and baby Star Flower get back on their feet after the two lost the rest of their family to the sickness we see again in TBS (I imagine One Eye had already treated them with the Blazing Star, but the two were still so terribly weak and unwell after that.) The group find the two living inside a rotting hollow and approach them. One Eye is, naturally, EXTREMELY aggressive and reclusive at first — distressed from sickness, grief, and fear of losing his tiny daughter, for he hasn't been strong enough to feed them much. The other cats are nervous around him, unwilling to approach the tom for his sheer size and ferocity, even if he is weakened. But not River Ripple. He understands why he is acting this way, that his aggression is a defense mechanism to mask his fear, and ultimately wishes to convey to One Eye that he is not going to do anything to them without his explicit permission first: and he sticks to that promise! Every day he sits outside the makeshift shelter with food, asking permission to come inside, leaving prey, water and herbs at the entrance if One Eye is asleep or simply says no. He never challenges it, and simply obliges and wishes him and Star Flower well. It is through this gradual process that One Eye begins to somewhat relax around River Ripple, allowing ONLY him to come inside, communicating his and Star Flower's needs and whatnot (Vulnerability moment!!)

Although she was too young to remember, once she began to recover, Star Flower was always excited when River Ripple visited, coming up to him, chasing his tail, and telling him all about her big adventures (all just made up ones, but River Ripple would always listen and ask her questions about them!) One Eye initially doesn't take well to Star Flower going up to the near-stranger, pulling her back or growling at River Ripple to back off. But over time, he sees that the risk is minimal, and the two never leave his sight while interacting. Besides, it stops Star Flower pestering him to entertain her for just a bit (also I just find this funny because adult Star Flower can barely recall this and River Ripple is just looking at her like omg you've gotten so tall now!!! I remember when you used to tell me how you beat up monsters and dogs 🤭💙!!)

SO LIKE skipping the recovery period, and now One Eye and Star Flower are more present outside … One Eye falls first. He initially is bothered by this, still grieving the loss of his mate and their other kits moons ago. But the feeling is nonetheless there. It's complicated, because at first he had every intention of claiming the area for himself and pushing River Ripple & his friends out… but as much as he tried to resent River Ripple's philosophy, there was just something so…. soothing yet powerful in the way he carried himself. He realises he actually enjoys his company, which is also weird for him! One Eye has lived among opportunistic cats his entire life, learning that being aggressive and domineering is the only way to make it, and that the passive and meek were destined to be crushed. But River Ripple is a curious example to him. He is gentle and patient, but completely capable of establishing boundaries and shutting down veins of discussion that belittle or threaten him. He would call out One Eye's bullshit every single time, but in a way that didn't escalate the situation. His heart was soft and his identity was strong in that. Kindness without weakness??? In MY Warrior Cats??? Impossible??? (Erins: yes it's impossible. 🗿)

Anyway, montage of One Eye giving terrible rizz and making a complete fool of himself 90% of the time — getting frustrated and defensive while everyone else is like🧍‍♂️. River Ripple is confused at first, but slowly begins to catch on. He finds it both amusing and sweet… and yeah! He realises he does feel the same way! He always found One Eyes protectiveness of Star Flower warming, found his intelligence to be engaging, and he genuinely believes there is good in the tom's heart (me shaking my head slowly.)

First date? Swimming lesson! One Eye is terrible! He's half drowned, scrabbling onto River Ripple every .2 seconds, and hates how pathetic it makes him look. But River Ripple is patient, assuring him that they can always try again some other time, and that it took him a while to get used to it too <:)

^ I feel like it's important to emphasize that One Eye genuinely feels like he can relax around River Ripple. That this cat doesn't have any ulterior motivation to trick him or take from him. Nor' does River Ripple ever belittle his failures or negative traits. They simply exist, are acknowledged, and pass like water.

But of course there is difficulty in how these two's ideologies clash. Everyone's beliefs are different, but theirs almost completely counter. River Ripple's philosophy is peaceful. To live and let live, and be custodians of the land. One Eye's on the other hand is to conquer. To take, to fight for what you need, and to claim the land. While there is room to accommodate each other, they are both two strong individuals with strong identities. Neither is going to abandon their philosophy, and when they clash so strongly, it can make it impossible for them to see eye to eye on issues. Long term, that would be hard. I believe that is why they'd go their separate ways. It doesn't work out. But that is okay. For that period of time, there was coexistence, there was connection, and there was love.

TL:DR. Very brief romance! A spark of passion that burns then fizzles out when One Eye leaves to be on his own (with Star Flower) once again. River Ripple, of course, says One Eye can return any time if he needs anything. Even for a short visit. He never does. For everywhere the tom goes, there is destruction and disruption, and River Ripple's home is like an oasis to be left untouched in One Eye's head.

Even as One Eye's reputation worsens, they still feel for each other. River Ripple especially. He knows what One Eye is capable of, what he has done, and how downright hideous he can be. But it's hard not to miss the memory of him. (Cue the mountain cats like PLEASE stop talking about this asshole in flowery prose he is trying to kill us!!)

BONUS: Not really relevant here, but their presence in the narratives respectively as the punisher/destroyer vs the voice of reason… ooogh, sun that burns, moon that soothes e.t.c but that deity kind of vibe would be more relevant once they're spirits in the Dark Forest & Starclan!

I could go on forever but that's the meat of it. Ty ty i hope everyone enjoyed and its not terribly incoherent ✌️

[devourable]

So, I love all of your OCs so far! I’ve been wondering: how would the yanderes feel about a darling with a young kid? (To make it simple, other parent isn’t in the picture, aside from maybe sending money.) Please, thank you, and have good day!

i decided to answer this for all of my yandere ocs bc im a sucker for found family/single parent tropes 🫶 cw! spoilers for future ocs + mentions of child neglect

🚼 the yanderes x single parent darling

⛪️ | abraham would be a bit surprised, to say the least. but he comes from a community where people get married and have kids the moment they’re out of high school (if not the moment they become adults) so while he would be sort of caught off guard, he’d adapt pretty quickly. he’d definitely fantasize about becoming a little family unit, probably even subtly propose the idea of expanding every so often. he wouldn’t exactly love your child — at least, definitely not the way he loves you — but you wouldn’t be able to tell with how well he treats them.

🚬 | the delinquents would be more like four older brothers more than anything. theyre all a bit too young to take on a proper parental role, nor would any of them have a real desire to, but they’d definitely have fun sharing their singular shared braincell with your kid. your child would probably grow up to be a massive little troublemaker thanks to their influence, but that’s why you love them, right? if the other parent is still involved one way or another though, they’d immediately put a stop to that. no reason to be involved with your ex now that they’re in the picture.

🌲 | mykolas would be curious of your child. he’s never seen such a young human up close before (considering he was always accused of eating them) so having a chance to actually be around one would be a new experience for him. he’d quickly start to refer to your child as his own, calling them his cub more than their name and carry them around on his shoulders or head whenever they go out together. it wouldn’t be uncommon to see him protectively curled up around them while they’re taking a nap.

🪸 | similarly to mykolas, the mermaids would be sort of curious about your child, though arguably less so as they have seen human children before. they have a very vague understanding of how to care for your child and would constantly search the sea for things that could come in handy for caring for them — you can expect to have a constant supply of eroded toys and suspiciously good quality clothes for them. they’d also try to teach them things that they’d teach the fry of their pods, though obviously they can only do so much teaching something that isn’t meant to live in the sea lol.

💪 | valentina grew up as a parentified older sibling, so while she wouldn’t particularly enthused about taking the role again so soon after getting out of it, she’d be capable of adapting to the role. she knows how to take care of a child and would ensure your kid’s cared for when they’re being watched by her, but she probably wouldn’t be able to establish much of an emotional connection to them without making an active effort to. but she does love children, so she’d learn to love yours too.

👑 | althea would hate your child. plain and simple. she’d view them as the living embodiment of you not keeping your promise to her, of you giving your love to someone else before she had the chance to have you to herself. while she’d never overtly mistreat your child, she’d be incredibly cold toward them and try to find reasons to avoid interacting with them. they’d be spoiled relentlessly with the hopes that if she gave them everything they’d need to live, neither you or her would have to deal with them.

🥩 | rhodes wouldn’t think much of your kid for the most part, but they’d express a gentle fondness for them the few times they do meet them. they’d affectionately greet them, offer them a treat, and hold a little conversation with them to keep them busy for a bit while you run errands or eat or whatever you need to do. they’re kind of awkward with children given they have nothing in common with them and have little experience with them, but surprisingly they’re a natural with yours.

🫀 | melchior has no interest in human kids. therefore they wouldn’t care much for yours, seeing your child more like a pet or something along those lines rather than a sapient being. their treatment of them would reflect that; they wouldn’t be necessarily mean or anything, but they’d be a bit patronizing and talk at them more than they’d talk to them. it isn’t out of malice, they’d genuinely think that that’s how you interact with children and any attempts to correct them would be met with confusion and frowns.

🕷️ | the alt kids would be wonderful parents to your kid. they’d more or less be sort of a mix of abe and the delinquents, but with the added bonus that they’d care deeply for your child as they’d see them as an extension of you rather than a mix of you with someone else. they’d come up with a system to help your child have a good upbringing and stick with it — faust would take up helping them study, anton would teach them manners and etiquette, and delta would help them with their social life. they’re so good for you and your child, see? they live for the idea that them treating your child well and loving them will make you love them all more in turn.

[lilbagdermole]

Hello! It's always great to meet another Taang shipper!

What do you love most about Taang?

I hope you have a great day!!!

Hey!!

Oh, it's so nice to see that Taang is still loved by so many people (and it's always really nice to see active blogs about them ^^)

What do I love most about Taang?

I love their dynamics. They bounce off each other almost harmoniously, because they are opposites in so many aspects of their lives: beliefs and morals, elements, backgrounds and childhoods. They clash and struggle and are far from perfect, yet, no matter how big the storm, how complex the disagreement - they always reconcile, they always listen to one another, they always learn and grow and strive to become better people. They respect one another so much to work around their oppositions and thus balance and understand one another in ways that no other member of the ATLA cast can replicate (with Aang and Toph).

And though they are natural opposites, they still have so much in common if you delve deeper. Aang and Toph are the youngest in the Gaang - and share the same love for teasing and joking; they share a very deep connection with the the original benders of their respective elements (Toph with the Badgermoles and Aang with Appa); they both runaway from their homes at a young age because of paramount expectations; both are masters of their bending - even inventing a new form/bending style at 12 years-old (air scooter and metalbending).

Aang represented all Toph needed in her life - freedom, loyalty, companionship and a friend. He saw her beyond her perceived weakness and never underestimated her capabilities as an earthbender and his potential master. He taught her to trust and confide, understood her when no other person did and soften the hard edges that she'd constructed to protect herself from her suffocating reality. In a sense, Aang was a breath of fresh air in her life.

Toph, on the other hand, represented all Aang needed - stability, confidence, strength. Aang, being the Avatar, had been coddled and protected by almost everyone - Katara, Sokka, admirers, etc. He wasn't Aang, he was a symbol - a symbol of hope and peace. But Toph didn't care about his divine-like power, didn't care that everyone around him praised the very ground he stepped on - in Toph's perspective, Aang was Aang. A kid just like her and she treated him as equals; never afraid of pushing him to further his growth; she taught him to stand his ground, face his enemies head on, become a stronger, confident bender. She was the ground that anchored him to the mortal world and made him feel normal.

It's also poetic, in the finale - Toph is in the air whilst Aang is mostly on Earth. And, may I add, that at the end, whilst Zuko and Katara ultimately did teach him plenty so he could face the Firelord, Aang's preferred bending style, that was not his own, was Earthbending. The element that had once stumped him, frustrated him; the hardest element to master, his opposite... and now, he used it to protect himself, to shield and fight. He used every technique Toph taught him - rock armor, crushing earth, even seismic sense... Toph ultimately saved Aang during the Finale.

I can go on and on about them, but I'm in the midst of writing a dissertation on Toph and Aang's development and potential in ATLA - so I'll save most of my thoughts for that whenever I get to completing it.

And... let's be honest. Aang and Toph together just look so beautiful. They would be the IT COUPLE in ATLA - their canonical height difference should be reason enough to stan Taang. Avatar and The World's Greatest Earthbender... come on now! And it would just fit right - Aang as an adult would have to travel the world and Toph would gladly travel alongside him since she doesn't have a "home" (Aang is her home); and, as adults they could built Republic City from the ground up whilst also balancing raising a family... UGH! IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO GOOD!!!

[marilynthornhilllover]

Then one day, she stopped singing.

Helaena Targaryen x Aunt!fem!reader

Warning: talk of grief, dissociation, Schizophrenia, talk of psychotic behavior, child murdering, talk of losing a child, includes dialog with alicent etc.

Alicent hightower was your only half sister. She wasn't the best big sister growing up.... she mostly preferred to spend her time with her best friend Rheanyra. Not that you cared, but you were lonely most of the time and just wanted a shoulder to cry on. When you only 10 Alicent was ten and five, almost an adult. She didn't need you. But you needed her.

Even though you both didn't share the same mother you shared the same father and last name you thought it would mean something to her. You always thought yourself as a burden to alicent, maybe it was because her father had you with another woman when her mother died. But that wasn't your fault and she knew that, she just couldn't bring herself to acknowledge you. To her you simply didn't exist.

When the king viserys wife died your father, the hand made sure he secured Alicent's future. Sometimes you think alicent hated you because she learned from him, he too didn't keep record of you either. Never thought of you or even spoke to you at times, he knew he had two daughters. But it was only when viserys asked about you he would tell him something he already knew.

Your father manipulated the king into marrying Alicent so that the throne can be succeeded after Aemma, and also so that Alicent can bear a heir to the king. When this happened, you the younger and half sibling was sent back to oldtown to continue your studies.

You found yourself rather more lonely in a big castle, it was as if you had no family, atleast one who cared. Many years passed and you heard stories of your sister having children of her own. Four to be exact. Aegon, who became king after viserys later died, Aemond the trouble maker, Helaena and daeron. You never had a children and was never married off.

Your father never paid any attention to you, so he completely forgot about your future while trying to maintain the other. He didn't care about you, even if you were his blood. This separation never made you hate alicent or envy her or her children, infact you adored them as if they were yours.

Helaena was sent to stay with you once, when she was only ten and three, at that time she was pregnant with her twins, who you only met once had their name day when they were only two. The probably wouldn't remember you now. You remembered that little jaehaerys didn't even want to interact with you, he just wanted to play with his dragon toy.

You loved helaena, she some how reminded you of yourself. Alone and casted out. Maybe even sometimes used for people's own pleasure. She was born and married to her own ruin, sometimes you think alicent gave birth to her own pain. Helaena was truly like a ray of sunshine. She loved nature and insects. It's crazy how alicent was capable of giving birth to someone like her.

Kind and caring, passionate even. When daeron, alicents last and youngest child was sent off to oldtown he also reminded you of yourself. But he too was also kind, brave and courageous.

With the war going on and rumors spreading of kings landing being in distress with little to no food you knew you had to pay helaena a vist. You wanted to make sure that she knew she had someone in her corner, someone to back her and support her always, without judgment and criticism. Someone who doesn't think she's weird for being who she wants to be.

You also heard of King aegon removing your father as hand and his return to oldtown. To be truthful you didn't want your father around. He didn't know you, he never tried to atleast know what you liked to eat, you understand that he tried to make alicent feel loved because she was the oldest and because his lover, her mother died but your mother also died and no one showed you any remorse or told you that they were sorry.

They all treated you like you were iron and that you could handle anything. You put on your favorite green dress with puffy sleeves, the one alicent would make rheanyra bully you about when you were kids and you curled your hair and did two small braids that connect with eachother in the back. You made your way out to the courtyard to leave when you saw your father arriving.

He looked betrayed and hurt but when he saw you his eyes didn't even light up and show any more hurt, maybe to say a silent 'I'm sorry' for casting you off. He stood still and stared at you before continuing to walk. He walked past you and went into the castle with some guards following behind. You stood there for a while, trying to accept what just happened.

Your own father, after all these years still ignoring you as if you were still a child, still a young fragile thing to be casted off. You would sound silly but your heart shattered. Your father didn't show you any love, mostly because he was always away but seeing him face to face and meeting the same cruel fate made your heart ache even more.

You fought back your tears and continued your walk towards the carriage, you got in and began your journey towards kings landing.

Upon arrival you noticed just how big the castle was, maybe it's because you haven't been there in a while, it all felt weird but also like you were at home. A guard opened your door and took your hand in his, carefully walking you down the step. He then bowed and stepped aside. Your eyes were immediately met with your sisters bright ones and a small warm smile can be seen on her face.

" good morrow sister, you didn't tell me you were coming" she shouts over all the noise as she approached you with her hands behind her back. You smiled and shook your head also approaching her.

" and yet you still knew" you replied as you both came to a halt infront of eachother.

" so...." She paused, her eyes taking you in, so many years she missed. She did Blame herself for not having a quite proper and stable relationship with you.

" what brings you back to kings landing, I thought you hated it here" she joked, gently bumping into you as she started walking inside with you following along with guards closely behind. You scoffed at her statement and looked around at the small folk walking around, some of them looking rather hopeless and exhausted, working hard with such little income and barely any food.

Your smile slowly fades and you turn to look at her to only find her already looking at you.

" I grew up here alicent, it wasn't your home more than it was mine" you whispered with a hint of sadness in your voice. Alicent looked away as you both continued walking towards the castle. Her heart sank as her remembered just how terrible she'd treat you. As if you were nothing to her, as if you meant nothing, when in truth you did.

It would be unfair if her excuse to treating you that way was because she was grieving, she doesn't have an excuse actually, because there were so many years for her to make up for her lost efforts. You both were adults now, there was no longer any space for childish behaviors.

She clears her throat as she feels the tension building.

" so did you see father on your way here?" She asked stopping in her tracks as the guards opened the door for you both to walk through.

" he doesn't speak to me alicent" you replied looking around the castle admiring the halls you once would run along in. Alicent bits her lips and looks at you, just now is when she sees just how much pain and burden you had to carry with you and your only half sister wasn't there to offer a hand in help.

" I used to spy on you from over there" you muttered, pointing to a tree that stood tall behind the garden area. A small curved smile can be seen from the corner of your lips but it quickly disappears as alicent speaks up again.

" why are you here y/n" she askes, and although it's a question it somehow sounds like a statement. It did make you feel somehow hurt though, and suddenly you felt like a child again, not feeling welcomed where ever you went, always being asked why you thought your presence would be requested when it was clearly not.

" i— I just wanted to vist—" before you could answer her aemond appears from around the corner.

" aemond! My God you've grown! Come give me a hug!" He smiles at you and opens his arms lovingly and invites you into his embrace.

" pleasure seeing you here auntie" he says hugging you tigher by the waist, aemond was always known as quite the charmer, his beautiful jaw line and well toned muscles it's a shame rhaenyra's son took one of his eye. You couldn't vouch for aemond though, he was indeed a trouble maker back in his younger youth.

But aemond thought he was on top of the world because of his dragon vhgaer the biggest dragon to be alive now, visenya's dragon. You were proud of the legacy he was making for himself, but couldn't wait for the day to arrive where he meets his breaker.

" where's your brother aegon?" You asked and he only looked at his mother before glancing back at you, he flashed you a small smile, kissed your hand and then went his way. You found it strange that he didn't respond. You looked at alicent who now looked as if she was the one carrying the weight of the world.

" where's aegon?" You asked and she only looked away and started fidgeting with her nails, you looked down and saw how tender and bruised the flesh was, you quickly knocked her hand away and took them into your.

" stop it," you whispered, alicent could hear the love in your voice, only if she had shown it to you.

" there's alot you don't know about y/n.... you've missed so much" she whispered, you could tell she was getting emotional but you weren't gonna allow her to shove your absence in your face as if it was your fault.

" I've missed so much?! You and father practicality casted me out as if I was garbage! You never talked to me! You both shut me out of your lives so what I don't know is what you've both chosen me not too" you spoke and you knew your words hit her like brick stones because you could see the regret writen all over her face.

You scoffed at her. She always did her wrong doings and expected everyone to take pity on her and suddenly forget about it and yield to her foot and kiss it as if she were the most perfect and innocent.

" you should be ashamed of yourself" you spat those words harshly to her and made your way up the stairs. You tried to remember where helaena said her chambers were located the last time you saw eachother. Surely things had changed since she became queen but how much changed could one take without leaving space for the old.

You approached the nearest chambers, the guards bowing before they let you in and closed the door behind of you. You stood still when you saw helaena, sitting on the floor with a little lizard in her hand holding it ever so gently. At the corner of the room was little Jaehaera and a serving woman. A sense of joy filled you, you felt as if you were whole again.

You smiled at the woman and she smiled back before returning her attention to the little girl before her. You approached helaena and stopped right infront of her, allowing her to notice you herself.

" what do you want mother" she whispered sadly, you smile grew as you giggled.

" I'm afraid I'm a far cry from your mother laena" you spoke, helaena's eyes snapped up towards yours and a wide smile flashed across her face. She immediately put down her pet lizard and stood to hug you.

" auntie!" She shouted, wrapping you tightly in her embrace. You laughed and hugged her back just as tight.

" it is I child" you said kissing her forehead. She released you and walked towards her bird cage leaning down.

" this one..... lily...she was my favorite and then one day she stopped singing...." She muttered under her breath, in a sad way. You looked over at Jaehaera and smiled.

" it's crazy how quickly they grow.....where's jaehaerys?" You asked, helaena turned towards you and you could see the colors of happiness in her eyes fading away at your question. You hear the lady pick up the young girl, turning to look at them you see them leave. A wave of sadness filled in air and your mind began to race. It's the same look you received when you had asked about aegon.

" they killed the boy....." She whispered under her breath hardly audibly for you to hear. You feel your heart sink and your stomach twist in a terrible way, you felt like throwing up. Your eyes widen as you looked and helaena and suddenly this vail that was there had vanished, you saw the grief in her eyes. How did you not realize it when you entered.... you thought she was happy.....

You only have a small memory with jaehaerys, he was a baby at the time, he bearly wanted to see you he preferred to play with his dragon toy. You couldn't even imagine what helaena may be feeling.... she was forced into having children, to succeed the throne. She gave birth to her boy, learned to love him, just so he can be taken away.... his pain is ended but helaena will forever have to live with that grief.

" I— I know I'm not supposed to grieve him..... people lose babies all the time, who I am to grieve what is always lost" she got up and stood at the window, looking out.

" now they call me the mad queen" she says looking back at you, before she walked back over to her to her birdcage. Your heart broke seeing her this way. Why wasn't alicent comforting her daughter? Helaena deserved better than this, she never asked for any of this.

" why won't you sing?" Her voice weak as she looked at her bird, you took a step closer behind her and studied the bird closer, trying to see if maybe it was sick, but that's when you realized.... the bird was dead.... it looks like it's been dead for weeks, anybody could see that. But for some weird reason helaena was convinced that it was still alive. Tears formed in your eyes as you looked at the girl.

" I watched them kill him.... they chopped off his head.... Mother had him paraded said, it would make the people draw closer" she whispered moving back across the room to sit. You knew alicent was self righteous but how could she be so cruel, to see her own grandchild slaughtered and still have his body paraded...... and aegon allowed this?...

You immediately walked over and sat besides helaena and placed her hands in yours. They were cold and soft — she never allowed anyone to touch her, only you because you gave her comfort and she only trusted you. You leaned in and kissed her forehead.

" oh my sweet girl helaena" you whispered as a tear rolled down your cheek, you hugged her once more before leaving the room. You walked briskly towards alicents room, Rheanyras old room. The rage and anger in you felt overwhelming, how could she allow helaena to suffer like this? You accepted your fate with her a long time ago but you will not allow her to make the same mistake with her children.

You pushed the doors open, not even waiting for the guards to address you. You closed the door behind yourself and looked across the dim candle lit room. Sitting infront of the fire place was alicent, getting wasted on wine. You marched up to her and knocked the glass out of her hand causing it to shatter with a loud crash on the floor.

She looked at you in surprise but just got up and walked over towards the wine cabinet.

" how dare you!?! Helaena is suffering and you sit here drinking wine as your daughter is slowly losing her sanity! I will not allow your children to suffer the same fate I suffered alicent, I will not see them endure the kind of pain you had me endure!" You yelled and she turned on her toes to challenge you.

" Oh don't smother me y/n" she said breathlessly.

"What happened to the alicent I know? Huh? The "where's duty, where's sacrifice"? Rhaenyra was right about you. You leave scars on everyone alicent! Me, Rhaenyra, helaena. Father gave you everything and yet you act as if your the worst" you shouted and she walked quickly towards you.

" Oh haven't I given enough y/n! Spare me! I have tried to keep this family together for years while mine own was falling apart! So pardon me but not everyone had an easy life like you!" She shouted back, pointing a finger at you. You scoffed.

" i had an easy life, do you hear yourself? And your life was falling apart really?!?!" You asked taking a step closer to her.

" Yes! My fucking life! My son lies on a bed where it is unclear if he may live or he may die! Haven't you all taken enough from me?! You, father, viserys, I am tired, I have tried! You think I wanted this!? I am a mother y/n something you'll never be! I actually have a life to live and worry about you do not!" She shouted, her words cut through you deeper than a knife.

how dare her..... after everything you had to do, just to see her become queen she treats you like shit. You walked up to her and smacked her across the face hard, she gasped and her hand immediately flew over the redden area. She turns to look at you and that's when realization hits her, she saw how broken you were, how fragile. You were just as human as her.

" I don't have a life because father gave you everything! I had to hide behind your shadow my entire life, I was the one who was casted off, sent to live in the scrubs and ashes while your ass sits on a pretty throne, i—i" you voice breaks as tears fall from your eyes faster than expected. Alicent's heart break seeing you cry, she never saw you cry, yet it made her sad.

" I was there for you my entire life alicent! Even though you were a bitch to me I still cared! I didn't turn my back on you and never once did you take me back and say 'I'm sorry'! Your son daeron is being raised in my care! And yet you call me the selfish one, I have no life because I was busy tending to yours! I was robbed of a future because of you. Father gave you everything!" You just couldn't hold back, you needed everything off your chest because it really did hurt.

" and I'm not a mother?! If i was I'd be a better than you'll ever be! Your grandson died at the hands of your own doings, your daughter is convinced her pet bird who looks like he's been dead for 3 weeks is alive! And I pray aegon dies so that you could feel what it's like to lose a child" you knew your words stabbed straight through her.

She swallowed as her eyed overflowed with tears, a soft sob escapes her as she sits. You look over at her table to see moon tea..... you bit your lips and shook your head in disbelief.

" you were right about one thing sister...... I, will never, ever, be you" you whispered, her lips quivered as she followed your eyes and notice the moon tea. She gasped and shook her head, more tears falling. She knew it was wrong but what would people say if she brought fort another child, especially with viserys being death for quite some time.

You turned on your heels and proceeded to walk towards the door. Just as you were about to reach for the handle a hand grabs your waist and spins you around. Alicent immediately falls into your embrace and hugs you tightly.

" please sister.... your all I have left" she whispered. You wanted to push her off you and tell her it's a lie but you knew she wasn't bluffing. You sighed and cradled her head.

" I missed you, I missed us" she whispered, her nails digging into the fabric of your dress.

" there was never an us...." You said, you feel her pull back and look up at you, you avoided her gaze but you feel her hurt.

" if you excuse me I must get back to helaena" she immediately released you and you left the room. You returned to helaena's bedroom where you tried your best to make her happy, to let her have a feeling a joy atleast while it lasted. The both of you danced and laughed until you collapsed on the ground crying tears of joys.

Helaena looked over at you and smiled and you returned it. Maybe being an aunt to Alicent's children weren't as bad after all.

[sparkthespork]

Thinking about my favorite rare pair again, you guys.

It’s just that Misty and Lottie are the only two people I think can truly understand one another. They have what I’ve been referring to my friends as “pure neurodivergent love.” They know what it is to be different on such a more fundamental level since even before the Wilderness, or before any other traumatic event, really. They both found others appreciated their unique minds in the Wilderness and hence desperately want to believe that the experience was good for them somehow.

The other Yellowjackets either dismiss Lottie or treat her as some kind of god, but Misty sees her as admirable for the traits that she has as a person. Possessing a lot of unusual traits herself, she immediately understands that Lottie isn’t someone to be judged nor someone with some kind of inhuman ability. But instead just someone with really strong charisma and a deep desire for harmony within the group, the former of which she admires and the latter she relates to. As adults, Misty is a little faster to write Lottie off, as she desires to seem the “practical” one, but now also armed with medical knowledge, she’s still more capable of understanding Lottie without falling into her delusions than anyone else.

And the way Lottie is capable of seeing Misty! Lottie’s always trying to see the positive in everyone, often to the point of spinning their negative traits around to be positive ones in disguise. This is generally portrayed as a flaw for her, but I think really assists her in understanding Misty. She might not agree with her strange moral code, but she’d still validate that by it Misty has good intentions. She’s also the only one who doesn’t immediately see it as a terrible thing that Misty is fine with just being herself. She believes her to be someone capable of improving upon herself, even without the desire to repress her less typical traits. As Misty seems to fear she is a bad person for this, she’d love to hear that she may even be a good one so confidently.

While you could pair these two with other characters and believe that they’d eventually learn to understand them and their minds, it’s the face that these two just immediately get it that makes me so in love with the pairing. They might not be too similar, but just knowing how a person can be different enables them to better empathize with the differences they notice in each other. Chemistry like no other, really.

[princess-of-the-corner]

I keep thinking of mistaken spirit. Specifically how weird and respectful Enji treats the Gaang. He sees them as children yet doesn't shy away from involving them in battle plans. He's said the doesn't want them on the battlefield but "I know I can't stop you from fighting, the most I can do is supervise." Where most adults have actively disregarded Sokka's plans, Enji takes every word he says seriously. Katara thought he was going to be like Pakku at first, but was swiftly proven wrong by Enji asking Katara to spar with him. "This could be a good opportunity to learn how to fight a firebender without the fear of death." Toph thinks he found a way around her truth detection, but no he genuinely sees them as worthy fighters. Aang knows he's not a spirit but appreciates his advice when he asked how to handle Ozai. He's scared of Suki, she knows Enji is smart because he knows who to fear. And yes out of everyone he's mostly scared of Ty Lee and Suki. No I refuse to elaborate.

YES.

Like.

He knows what teenagers are capable of. Even before the whole series' canon, he'd worked with a lot of interns/work study students that have been hella good, even if they're rough around the edges.

He also knows like. After Toya, he sees it in these kids. A determined Heroic Spirit that won't quit no matter how he tries to keep them out. And he's learned from how he handled Toya that if he bans them entirely, they'll go behind his back anyway. He'd much rather do what he can to make sure to mitigate the damage.

I think-

Okay so like. I think in terms of sparring matches, Enji would focus on both Katara and Toph. Katara notices this, and as she's used to sexism she assumes it's because they're girls and all.

Eventually this causes a fight but he does handle it well in the 'hold on i'm not good at picking up on anger/frustration and bad at explaining' thing. But he does explain that his reason for focusing on them is that they have zero backup options. Like. All the non-benders have both weapons and hand--to-hand combat skills. Zuko and Azula have both bending and combat(Zuko has swords, Azula knows more hand-to-hand). Aang is a touch lacking in combat, but he's got access to four elements so finding a way to nerf him is hard.

Katara and Toph, on the other hand, only have their Bending. And he's focusing on them because he's learned that there's various ways to negate Bending (Spirit Nonsense™, Chi Blocking, environmental factors, etc.). If something happens, they have no backup.

Re: Aang: I think that some of the changes may change this scenario? Like uh. In Canon part of the reason Aang had to take down Ozai was because the Avatar taking down the Fire Lord meant something. (Even Iroh kinda points this out of he'd have no issue killing Ozai at this point, but the world would see it as a power struggle between royals rather than the end of the war). With this AU, Enji kinda.... fixed that problem. Because 'The Fire Spirit' showed up and called Ozai a bitch ass fraud and not the rightful heir to the throne. So anyone can kill Ozai now.

Being scared of Suki is entirely reasonable actually. She can wreck you.

Being scared of Ty Lee is similar but different because of the Chi Blocking. Because it works on his Quirk and that freaks him the hell out.

[befuddledcinnamonroll]

I've been thinking a lot about Last Twilight (as have most of us, I assume), and I know the next episode will be very focused on the surgery, and I'm assuming that it will not work as expected (it would be very out of place thematically if it did), and there will be some focus on Mhok and Day navigating their relationship for the long term - but I also really hope that in the next two episodes we get some sort of confrontation between Day & his mom.

Cream (omg love that name) has been doing an amazing job at playing nuance with the mom, and I loved the emotion she showed when she was firing Mhok (though Mhok, being the king he is, jumped in front of that bullet for her to try and keep Day from being mad at her). Her love for Day does come through. And we got the heart-warming dinner where she becomes aware of how much Night has been feeling neglected, and they were being a happy family. So I know there is a chance the story will focus on other things, and less on the mom & Day.

But we need a moment to address Ramon's role as parent, and how love for your child does not excuse infantilizing them due to their disability.

Ramon has a history of making decisions based more on how she feels than on what her children need. This is not a criticism of her as person, to be clear, we all have this inclination. Feelings are not facts, but they feel like facts to us, and it can be really hard to step back when we are in the midst of emotion.

This is shown via the dad. Although we don't know exactly what happened (the story Day knows was exclusively from Ramon's perspective), the dad does seem to confirm he did something really shitty, since he has regrets. She had every right to be angry. But completely cutting him off from Night & Day was not a decision for them. When Night was devastated after the accident, when he couldn't go to own mother for support, he ended up calling a man he hadn't seen since he was a small child. When Day started talking with his father, you could see him melt, and how much he had missed this man. They needed their father, they always needed him but Ramon decided they couldn't have him. I'm sure she convinced herself it was for their protection - but it wasn't what they needed.

This is exactly what she's doing to Day around his disability (and in an adjacent way, to Night, because she's holding him responsible to stand in for her in controlling Day's world).

She consistently makes decisions for Day, not with Day. She takes his agency away. She often talks to him like he's still small. She never encourages him to do anything for himself or to learn to be self-sufficient. She puts emphasis on him someday being "fixed" over the idea that he could be happy and take care of himself as he is.

Of course a parent is always going to feel protective. There are very reasonable reasons to be concerned that his caretaker might be exploiting their status, or to think that someone you are paying should not be in a personal relationship with your son. But instead of having curiosity and finding out what is happening from Day's perspective, she makes an executive decision - not just to get rid of Mhok as caretaker, but to try and keep them apart in all ways. She won't let Day leave the house, takes his phone, and then even changes the wifi password, so he can't communicate with anyone. This is beyond controlling, it's literally imprisoning your son.

This is such a contrast to Mhok, someone who has personal experience with losing all of his autonomy, and how everything he does is a focus on what Day needs. It may be hard to do, it may cause mess, it may cause pain, but he knows that Day cannot be happy being treated like a child his whole life. Even when it would break his own heart, he always put Day first.

Day is an adult, a capable one, and his disability, and how he navigates it should be up to him. Ramon can be there to support, to encourage, to even push from time to time, but it's not her life. It's not her disability. It's not her choice. And I would love for Day to take his agency back, and let her know these things.

[atticollateral]

Autism Assessment Update (bc it's been almost 3 months since I mentioned it haha oops) (it's a novel. you've been warned.)

tagging @examishbookwyrm bc they did comment on my autism assessment post I made in MARCH!! n i didn't respond...(adhd moment) get honourable mention'd.

--- SOOOO. BIG ASS PERSONAL LIFE UPDATE!!! I have... literally the worst news? Like the worst-worst news I think I will ever share. So imma start from the beginning :> [I detail everything about the assessment in this post. The process, the assessment itself, and the after.]

So. This is part of the NS Pilot Program for assessing people who were going to age out of the early-childhood-assessment waitlist (because hey! it is a 5 year long wait! haha!) which was led by NS Health and the Gov. of Canada (who paid for all the assessments.) It's safe to say that NOBODY is happy! (if you look it up you will find articles on how... awful it's been. Also if you look up articles I might have left out details bc my brain is VERY SPOTTY bc i am enraged) but anyway,

The first part of this is they had been calling my mom during the day; my mother had been working days. So she wasn't picking up. And they weren't answering her calls back or her messages! Already a big red flag. Because they can't get ahold of her they call me. Me! The person they're going to assess, who, at the time, was 18, and perfectly capable of consenting, as an adult, and taking care of their own medical records and appointments and such. They go "Hello, is this (deadname's) mom?" And I go "This is (deadname); and my name is [Chosen]" and they go "Oh, Well. Can you get your mother to call us?" And I said in a tone I believe was very clearly annoyed bc wtf? "Oh, no, you can tell me whatever you're going to tell her!" They tell me "Well we're looking to get you into the NS pilot program for autism assessments" yada yada "is that something you'd be interested in?" And me being me (poor and reasons to think I'm autistic and being on the waitlist) go "yeah!" AND THIS FUCKING WOMAN GOES "ok then get your mom to call us. this is the date. we need her to confirm." and I go "...why?" and they go "we just need to talk to her." and I go "...why can't you just talk to me?" and she just repeats herself so I go "um. ok. well. you have a good day? bye?" and hang up. So i'm simmering; bc I am literally an adult. I don't need my mom. I should be treated like an adult and I'm getting infantilized. I got the woman's name and # so I give it to my mom. It takes another month to get a date for the assessment approved bc they STILL WONT ANSWER HER CALLS OR MESSAGES.

My mother was required to do two prerequisite assessments a week or two before my in-person one. One over the phone and one over zoom. I am above the age of 16 (as stated) and perfectly capable of consent and being an informant. (you are legally allowed to consent to a majority of medical assessments in NS when you turn 16 w/o alerting ur parents, and clearly allowed to do that over the age of 18 as that is age of majority.) So i'm just miffed. They tell her not to tell me anything. She says fuck that (thank the gods) and so she tells me things they tell her. So the night before the assessment I help her with the form they MAKE HER FILL OUT before the assessment like "when did your child start walking/running" "when did they learn to ride a bike" "when did they start talking/writing" stuff like that. and I go ok. sure. autism can show in early childhood, it's a neurological developmental disorder. I get it. Even though autistic individuals can have average, slowed, or accelerated development (IT'S ALMOST LIKE ITS LITERALLY CALLED AUTISM SPECTRUM DISORDER) There's a question that catches me off guard. "what is your child's dominant hand" ...i'm sorry. back it up. *Yes.* There are studies that say many people who have ASD are left handed or ambidextrous. But oh. My. Gods. Above. THAT IS NOT GROUNDS FOR DIAGNOSIS; and you can also ASK THE KID during the assessment! What kind of question?! [I am right-hand predominant but I am ambidextrous.]

I move on.

I go into the assessment. On the table; the dr's introductory sheet in a photo frame. His title sits atop the document with a head, MADE OF BLUE PUZZLE PIECES alarm bells alarm bells alarm bells oh my fucking god help me jesus christ please help me i promise i'll believe in you if you help me right now please please plea "Hi!" A woman greets us, sitting in an office with the door open. I don't know her name. She doesn't stand from her desk. "I'll be with you in a moment." I laugh awkwardly. My mom says ok as the woman shuts her door. I tell my mom "I hate it here; can we go home?" Because I genuinely feel unsafe; I'm shaking. She laughs softly and goes "It'll be okay." So I put a brave face on bc I love my mom and she's nice and wait for the lady. She calls us in a few minutes later. I don't remember her introducing herself. I don't remember her offering a handshake or any other "polite" gesture. That would be something important to do, and I would have remembered it. She tells us how long it will be and a lay down of what's gonna happen and asks MY MOTHER FOR CONSENT TO FILM ME. Not ME for consent to film ME, an 18 year old. My mom turns to me confused and asks me if I'm okay with it instead. I go "yeah." (I was not okay with it); the woman told us the assessment would not happen if they could not film it. So I agreed; giving *assent* rather than *consent* was something I was pissed off about then and there. The woman asks HER if she'd like to stay so my mom asks ME if she wants me to stay, I hug my mom after I ask her to leave because I'm an adult and can handle myself. I don't need my mom to be there. I sit down. I have my pompompurin stuffed animal with me and a messenger bag with pens and stuff in it because I know there are things to write and don't like using other people's things. She doesn't ask about the bag. She sets up the camera and such, explaining that she'll have to occasionally turn to her laptop to make sure the recording is still going. I have pompom in my lap along with a fidget while she talks. She says something along the lines of "um, you'll want to put that away, you'll need your hands." And I go, rather firmly, something along the lines of; "I'll put it away when I need to use my hands. I am focusing on you right now." To which she seems surprised and goes "um... okay, that's fine." And continues on. (Was she not expecting an adult to have clear boundaries and be able to state their needs?) She offhandedly mentions something about [Dr] perhaps coming in to see me at some point during the assessment. My heart drops. She's not the doctor? She isn't the psychiatrist? What the hell?

The assessment begins. They're giving me tests for children, she said she made it harder. I disagree. I find the tasks easy. Simple games/puzzles. I tell her I like puzzles. She keeps throwing positive affirmation at me; I become annoyed with it after awhile because I know she's only doing it to make me continue doing the activity. It's common for people who work with children. She is infantilizing me. I know I was thinking it subconsciously.

The tests are not geared towards my age range, I notice immediately. I become miffed, going "these are too easy for me so far" or something to that effect. She laughs at me. I become upset. We start the reading part of the test. I read to show reading speed and comprehension. I read out loud to show my pronunciation. I read words that don't exist to show my reasoning skills when it comes to language. I am in my 5th year of high school (I struggle with school). This task is mundane and annoying. I feel like I am in third grade. I feel infantilized. I feel like the tests aren't going to be accurate. I am annoyed. I do it fast as I can to get it over with. Some of the reading pieces she makes me do multiple times.

We begin the mathematics part. I am not good at mathematics. She has upped the difficulty for the mathematics, she tells me. I begin; The first test is a Working Memory test; listing numbers she reads to me in a specific order. I am bad at it after the more convoluted ones. Some of the work is recognizing shapes and patterns. There is addition, fractions, multiplication and division questions. She points out I'm 'doing the test wrong' multiple times. I tell her that this test is stupid (or something to that effect) due to the structure. She laughs at me. There are a few tests I can't do or become quickly annoyed with (naming mean, median, and mode, prime numbers, fractions.) As I haven't done them since 11th grade level (I took a different math course and haven't done math since I finished my credits 2 school years ago.) We break for lunch after doing half of the mathematics.

I return to continue with the mathematics. I am still annoyed even after eating lunch. I had complained to my mother how it felt like torture: No eraser, No Calculator, no Tools, and no asking for help (She is not allowed to give me help, even if I don't know something.) I am on the brink of actual tears in frustration because I cannot receive help. I understand the potential why, but I think it's idiotic.

We begin the writing and listening comprehension. I am made to write an essay on a game I like and why I like it, I am given 10 minutes. I write it about Minecraft and it's offshoots. For listening comprehension, there are a few tests. I tell her about certain parts of what i've heard. Most of them are ads, so telling her what they say is easy for me, because it feels like slush and I have trained my ears to pick up more important information because of APD (Auditory Processing Disorder). She repeats them a few times to get me to tell her more. There are more working memory tests. Something with shapes, form, and colours. One about things she's listed. There's a test where I tell her a story in a picture book based on photos only. I am becoming tired. There's a test where I need to copy a picture. I am not allowed to trace the picture. I am not allowed to hold the picture. I am not allowed to use a tool. She says something about how I should like it because I told her I am an artist. I start going on while begrudgingly doing the test that this is horrible, this isn't what art is, and i'd like to not be doing it this way because it is impractical. She laughs at me again. I am annoyed. I get to take another short break after that.

There is another test when I come back with shapes. I see there are 8 pieces and a grid I must put them in; observing the grid, I go "I need all 8 pieces." She gives me 4 pieces. I frown. I say "I need all 8 of them, can I have them please?" as I put the 4 she gave me into the grid. She hands me 2. I put them in. I repeat myself. "I know I need all 8 of them. Can you give them to me please?" She gives me 1. I become insanely frustrated at that point. "What is this?" I go, "Can I have the last piece?" I ask her annoyedly, and she gives it to me. She's smiling. She thinks this is funny? I put it in the place. I rearrange the pieces into a nicer pattern in the grid because she annoyingly gave me the pieces while she takes her notes.

There is an activity where I have to tell her a story using 5 random pieces of garbage. She shows me how to do it first when I already understand the premise and was going to do it after the verbal instruction and presentation of the items. I know it is to assess my imaginative play. I am an 18 year old artist. This is easier than breathing to me. I do it begrudgingly because I am embarrassed to do it. She laughs at me again. I am so annoyed at this point I am thinking the most angry thoughts. What is her issue??? I don't say anything while I wait for the other tests.

I am presented with a test with over 100 questions. I say out loud multiple times "I don't have OCD" to multiple questions I've been asked before to assess me for OCD. She says something about 'Don't think about it. just answer.' and I say something along the lines of "I've been to therapy since I was about 12. I do therapy speak. I know what the questions are asking me. I can't not think about it." She scoffs at me. I am so irritated. Many of the questions ask me if I am suicidal. Many of the questions ask me if I am paranoid. There are questions about ego, and questions about self-worth, questions about poverty, questions about things that don't pertain (to see if I'm paying attention.) I finish the test. She asks if I answered honestly. I say "I think so." But I my answers will be different tomorrow. They're always different later. That's how surveys work.

One of the last tests is asking me questions and having me answer. Things like "do you have friends?" "how do you feel about relationships?"; I ask her "Well, how do you define relationships? Are you in any? Are you asking me about friendship or dating?" She tells me she has a partner; a husband if I recall. I say something about marriage and romance. She asks me more questions about feelings, boundaries, relationships, and experiences in my life. It is the last test.

We leave the room to talk to my mother in the waiting room. I have not seen [Dr] once. Girl asks me what my pronouns are. I tell her it/its. She complains. I tell her too bad flat out. We leave.

I only learn upon getting home that her name is Alison.

I wait a month for my draft results. I had to get my teacher to fill out a form. I had to sign a consent form for them to do that which they made me do digitally after the assessment and CLEARLY wanted my mother to sign. She gets me to sign it because I'm an adult. She understands.

My mom sits me down. She goes "You aren't going to like this." I frown. "I'm not autistic?" She nods. "You aren't. But they said you have 3 or 4 other things."

Alarm bells again. I get her to bring up my draft assessment on the computer for me to read. I am enraged. They refer to me as "transgendered". They misgendered me. There were numerous, insane typos that would be easy to catch on the first pass.

I begin work on an Essay/Paper telling them why their assessment is bullshit and how I meet the criteria for autism spectrum disorder. (I READ THE DSM-5 AND DSM-5-TR FOR THIS CRAP.) I also berate them the whole time for their behaviour, the nature of the assessment, and lack of care. A week or so later I get the final draft. They still misgendered me; and there are still typos. I get my mom to email it to me and I send it to multiple of my friends, my Therapist, and give her my consent to share it with my Psychiatrist and anyone else she sees fit with her discretion with the password for the protected document, along with a screenshot pointing out the most glaring typo (being misgendered.) My therapist and psychiatrist show it to the Autism Lead in their district with my consent.

I receive an overwhelmingly positive onslaught of "this assessment is bullshit! You SHOULD be angry." The autism lead tells my therapist I do likely have autism based on what was shown and told to her, and to get a second opinion (as she can't diagnose me without assessing me herself). I tell my therapist more about the assessment. She does some research.

The Psychometrist (someone who administers psychological tests/assessments) is underqualified during time of assessment.

Medical Negligence.

[Dr.] Is clearly on grounds to be tried for Medical Malpractice.

I am now working on submitting a complaint and finishing my paper.

I may potentially be involved in legal trouble against the psychologist I never even got to see or speak to.

Fuck that guy.

[wortsandall]

Steven Grant-the lies we tell ourselves au

unironically, I fear these are only getting longer prev/next

steven is the most adjusted one of the moon knight system. that has happened purely because steven been kept from more of the damaging truths that could cause more maladaptive behavior. he's not perfect, in any way of course he's not. but because of that sheltering he's not prone to marc's doom spirals or jake's habit of shutting them all out. we see this in the show, his first instincts are healthy communication and understanding. I think because of this, some people tend to write steven without any flaws but we can see that this isn't true. he's also prone to anger and has a stubborn streak like all three of them leading to decisions that aren't well thought out.

I feel like I picture him as more calm than others do. he makes mistakes, but I don't think any of them are based in naivety. I tend to see steven being treated like a child who doesn't know what's going on. and I think that does him a great disservice to his character. it's possible to be a kind and forgiving character without wiping any negative traits out. I get that marc and jake, to an extent, kind of treat steven like a child but that doesn't mean that we have to as well.

from watching the show, marc learns to accept steven and stop hiding things from him. he is a full grown adult who can handle being treated like one. steven is tired of being told what to do and what he cannot handle and its fair to let him make him own decisions. in my au, I think that's an uphill battle that he's trying to fight marc and jake on. to no longer be babied and told what his boundaries are.

part of me thinks that steven is envious of marc. he has the name of the body and the most time with it, yet all he's doing is falling ass backwards into bad situations. this plays a part in his view of layla. you have this beautiful, intelligent, capable woman, and instead marc's spending all his time distancing himself? steven sees that as a waste. that maybe marc isn't appreciating her enough.

add in the opportunities that steven has missed out on due to marc and I could see him trying to endear himself to her. I don't think steven is maliciously thinking that he can treat layla better or purposely trying to steal marc's wife. but how many experiences does steven realistically have had? with someone like layla especially, someone who is as into his interests as he is and that he can keep a conversation with and not be treated like an inferior. I think he quickly latches on to this idea of her.

I've said it before, but steven doesn't really know layla at all. and this features into how he sees relationships in general. I think he'd be very all-in when it comes to relationships, platonic and otherwise. he's very loyal and if you can show that willingness to see him as an equal it's instant heart eyes. partly due to the lack of real life experiences he's had. he was so willing to go on that date with that woman despite knowing absolutely nothing about her-just that she was interested in him.

the point being that he's not really in love with layla-it's more what she represents to him. that he could be loved for who he is without being belittled similarly to how marc has treated him in the past (whether marc meant to or not) he does love her, but it's surface level. more of putting her on a pedestal, rather than a deep love of who she is as a person. that part can come later, and probably will but I'm not a huge fan of romance so that's not my focus in any capacity.

this au starts with the fact that layla has stayed in Cairo to be a superhero over there. and a way for her to give both the system and herself space to really process their feelings and relationship. those divorced papers still stay unsigned, but for all intents and purposes they aren't together. and I think this is crucial to steven's realization that he might not be as in love with her as he once thought. later, once marc and him have a real conversation about layla, he'll fully decide to let marc and layla find each other again without him muddying those waters. and learning who layla is as a person and as a friend.

when I think about the backstory, before the events of the show, steven has a lot of blanks. and he's both scared and so curious to know exactly what he's missing. his memories can't all be fake. there has to be good moments and things that are real. he gets into the habit of asking marc if it's real when he remembers something. occasionally, he'd forget what the reality of what their mother is since he has no memories of it. there'd been a couple times where he asked marc about their mother, but learned quickly to not broach that topic with marc.

the one thing that sticks with him, is that they didn't seem to have anybody in their corner. most of his memories are happy, yeah, but they are also alone. I think this loneliness bleeds into steven's adulthood also affecting how he views relationships. he might think he's better friends with people than he actually is. in my mind, steven does have memories of the time period that randall was still alive in, but randall isn't in them. like a family beach trip or something, but in his memory it's just their parents and him. like all mentions of randall were erased, so he didn't have to remember the fact their brother, their main friend was dead.

one person that steven would have memories of that marc wouldn't have is their babysitter. where their parents would go out weekly, maybe for dates or related to their father's Rabbi duties, and they couldn't leave their son alone. so they hired a babysitter. I imagine the first time steven asks to confirm if that was real or not, marc looks at him strangely.

marc doesn't remember these periods at all. and steven does but he doesn't remember anything bad but he knows by now that really means nothing. and it becomes something that steven can't let go of, because surely if some of his memories are fake that's marc. but if marc didn't give him this fake memory is it real? and they argue about it back and forth until steven drops it (for now)

when it comes to finding out about jake, steven loves the idea that they have a third. he ignores the implications that they'd been hurt more than they realized, but at least they aren't alone. they can have their own little family since they were denied that as children. the specific's of this will be left to be written but steven would love to get to know jake better, despite how difficult jake is making it.

I like to think is steven is more self-aware than others think. yes, he may be awkward at times. and he can have a one-track mind and get distracted easy but he's not stupid. he may play it to his advantage even knowing how he comes across. he may not have realized that he's well liked because he's used to people like donna who dismiss him immediately. but in general, he has this natural charisma and charm that draws people to him.

selfishness and stubborn ness is something that runs in the moon knight system. a link that connects their very different personalities. I don't think its as severe as marc's would be. he's self aware enough to recognize when what he's doing is counterproductive, as seen in the show. he wants the body and to not be fighting, but when he catches himself being injured or in the way he relinquishes easily enough. but he also knows when he's valid in those beliefs and will keep pushing. but still he knows when to take a step back.

and that makes him perfectly suited as an emotional protector and physical caretaker. emotionally, he knows what he can and cannot handle. he can continue even if something hurts, because he's relatively open emotionally. if things are too tough for marc to handle, steven can take over for him. give marc that chance to breathe and process as he needs to.

I feel likes he's less prone to emotional panic like marc. he gets overwhelmed, sure but he can compartmentalize in a healthy way. not just pushing it down to be forgotten and never spoken again like marc. he's not a perpetually bleeding wound. and I think he's better able to take care of their body when the needs arises. when it comes to groceries, showers, keeping routines. that's all steven. marc tries to an extent, I think jake would be the worst at it, not knowing where to even start.

their system needed gentleness when they were children, and this is what steven is. he's not immune to anger, but his empathetic nature allows him to recognize when he's fucked up and course-correct. but that doesn't mean he can be bulldozed. the stubbornness and kindness, making a perfect combination to be able to counter bullshit when he sees it. he knows when he's being talked down to, even if he isn't immediately calling it out. he knows when it's appropriate and when it would make things worse.

with the other two alters in this au, it makes him the perfect caretaker for the littles. the gentleness needed to handle children. the ability to compartmentalize (thinking about the type of shit they had to handle brings him to tears but they came later, it does nothing for them to watch him cry) for leo, who is more wild and a teenager, steven needs the ability to handle bullshit without wavering (thank marc for helping him develop that skill) and the gentleness needed for the timid younger rose.

he never learned to run or hide from his emotions. he never had to do that when he was young, that's not a skill he has. he can tackle them head on and come out better for it. I think he would still be a little exhausted and frustrated at being the one with the brain cell 80% of the time. and sometimes it might come out unintentionally. but he loves everyone in their system so deeply.

it boils down to steven being a man who values communication and honesty trying to work with a system that doesn't know how to do that. trying to balance that and the frustration that might grow from it. while also trying to come to terms with who he is under the fake truths that he'd been fed. his struggle is detangling it all and finding the truth in the middle. the calm in the storm that the system might need, but he might not want to be at all times.

the lies we tell ourselves au masterpost

[inazuma-fulgur]

In pain whenever someone insists that being naked around children, like in general, is bad

No cloths = pedo (this here is slightly exaggerated but some people actually say that. With words.)

Because nakes = sexual and sexual = bad and impure and children = pure and innocent and without agency

Waiting for the day where changing your childs diaper also becomes sexual and pedo unless *insert arbitrary metric*. If I had to imagine it'd probably be more terf shit, a la all men are horny monsters or only parents of the same SEX as the child should be allowed to.

I will nopt discuss further complications around childbirth because none of this makes sense anyway

I find it especially jarring when other queer people make arguments like that.

Like, y'all can't look at other people and be normal about it. It's not weird to be naked, you are weird for being unable to confront nudity without having secondary thoughts about it. You are the one uncomfortable with it so no one else is allowed to be comfortable with it?

Thinking about FKK (something I don't even know an english term for. Mom told me she and her parents often went to fkk places, because older people still found nudity more normal than we do I'd guess. Maybe they were an outlier but I can't shake the feeling that the younger people get the weirder and less tolerant they get of nudity and other peoples bodies.)

Every year when there's kink at pride discourse I can't help but think about how I wouldn't give two shits about people fucking in public, like it wouldn't be any more annoying that people blasting music and being loud, that's it. It definitely wouldn't smell as bad as some other stuff, like fireworks for example.

I also can't help but think about one of my friends from school who very amused told an anecdote where she went into her parents room while they were having sex when she was a little kid. Shocker, nothing happened to her. Plain seeing sex doesn't hurt, unless you already have been traumatized or smth. Also most of these super weird puritanical ideas only work under the assumption that children have the very same understanding of everything us adults do. Which they don't. How could they, they're learning everything about the world still. Explain it to them so that they can keep themselves safe, you'll have to do it regardless some day.

Go listen to what they're curious about, teach them at the pace they want, answer what they ask.

Because even if I say they don't have the same understanding of things us adults do, that doesn't mean children aren't smart and capable of understanding the bigger world, expanding their horizon.

People like that, in my opinion, just hate children.

Want to control them. Mold them into copies of themselves, perfect what they feel isn't perfect about themselves.

That's not how you treat another person, give kids agency and let them explore stuff. Let children be curious and nosy.

Teach them about consent, because consent isn't just sexual.

Teach them general things that are useful and good.

Teach them about their bodies and signs to look out for, built trust so that when they hit puberty and their needs and experiences change they will talk to you, ask and share what they feel and see. And then expand their horizons more

Please never raise children with preset ideas of how a well raised child has to turn out, with ideas of a fixed process with a fixed result, where certain things are off limits and shouldn't be allowed because they could lead to people growing up who don't fit your personal ideal(s).

Diversity of thought does not mean "diversity until I can't personally understand/relate anymore, beyond that it's evil". The only evil thing is you limiting the beauty and vastness of humanity

Children won't ever fit into your preconceived notions and that's a good thing, we're constantly learning and ideas are changing, and I'm not blaming you for growing older and having bigger more pressing worries and growing out of touch a bit, just don't denie others because of that.

The only way for children around you to be exactly like you is for them to grow up under the exact same conditions as you. But the world around you is changing constantly, even if you feel like YOU are a constant I assure you, you aren't.

Not even siblings or even even twins have that work out for them. Everyone makes different experiences, spends their time differently, cares about different shit. For better and for worse.

Embrace the potential for the worse, because it will lead to the better future you dream of.

If bad ideas are off limits and can't be talked about those ideas can't be challenged.

And if new ideas can't be brought forth nothing better can come into existence.

Yes new ideas will be not just good, there are bad ones. But that's why we discuss and make an effort, that's why we try things to see whether they work or fail.

We can't create the perfect world through logic in our heads and then execute it. Because humans aren't rational, logic is kinda fake even if it isn't, embrace that. Failure is human, failure leads to growth.

Many good things came from experimentation and theory but also from testing and trial and error, brute forcing stuff. Taking what works and optimizing it. Taking what didn't work and tweaking it slightly or taking notes on what has to be avoided in the future.

I love humans, I am human

I wish we would all stop dehumanizing each other constantly