#and also not on this part of tumblr/the internet

[eyecolour-of-insanity]

OP I hope you don't mind me echoing and agreeing with this take firstly. If you'd prefer I'll remove my comments but I have perspective after a long time of detangling this "discourse"

It's my genuine opinion, as a genderfluid person who was assigned female at birth and happens to be a femme lesbian, that I am 100% engaging in the community from a place of privilege.

I know that I experienced transphobia. But I also know better than to blame that "society just dislikes men" for said transphobia. Because I go outside and engage in the community and meet people and have actual discussions with my queer community IRL. I have friends who were alive in the 80s. I've played cards with them while they told me about what it was like.

On one hand, we're on Tumblr. Tumblr is literally known to the wider internet for its userbase participating in a hugbox echo chamber of "I'm more oppressed than oppressed groups I'm not a part of because *misinformation*" discourse.

On the other hand, it being a common talking point is no excuse for anybody, ESPECIALLY transmasculine people, to be declaring that transmisogyny needs to apply to men as well.

"We should be nicer to men" "we should be nicer to straight people" "we should be nicer to *insert other privileged group here*" how about we don't owe our oppressors shit.

Fellow self-identified transmasculine people. PLEASE use your experience to speak FOR women instead of OVER them.

it’s honestly crazy how consistently when any transfeminist (or indeed any trans woman) tries to point out that whilst obviously still marginalised, transmascs are more relatively privileged than transfems both in and outside the trans community, they will be immediately & maliciously misinterpreted as saying “trans men aren’t oppressed at all, they don’t experience transphobia” which is genuinely not a value i have ever heard a transfeminist ever say or believe

[nic-the-rat]

theres something so beautiful about phannies on tumblr. like. yeah. you go on a rant about incredibly niche thoughts about your faves. i wanna read it. im reading it and enjoying it. are you deranged? yes. but you’re speaking your truth mama and im sat.

do i personally believe half the theories ab dnp 2.0?? no but being insane with you guys and letting people on the internet engage the idea part of myself that is also crazy is so wonderful. i cant help but feel so endeared. i love u guys. i love u guys sm. keep talking ily.

[motleyfam]

PLEAAASE KEEP THE ILLNESS FICS COMINg and/or write what YOU want because i guarantee you like dude the reason so many ppl love ur writing like a hge part of it is that like when you love what you're writing it shows !!! like dude i love sickfics so much. in fact. i have a cold right now and like any time i have an ailment (i get sick often too) my first impulse is to pull up your fics and read because i'm like ah yes good old fashioned hurt/comfort with the best found family dynamics i've read in my life. absolutely. even when i'm not sick i'm like okay let's see what are we reading tonight YKWIM LIKE DUDE please please write what you want and what makes you happy. let go of that guilt. it's hard to please everyone and u probably know all this info already but trust when i say that so many ppl are ALL IN for whatever you write !! i've never gotten bored ever of your stories and like dude. timothy drake getting the comfort he deserves with sprinkles of/splashes/tidal pools of angst??? YES??? WAITER WAITER?? like pls do not have any shame in what ur writing bc i've healed vicariously through ur writing and it's given me and so many others so much joy. your support is always in the majority and if you have no fans (which will never happen) i am dead. so please remember to write for whatever purpose you want, you get to decide and that is so so awesome. or don't write (said very affectionately)! you do not owe people on the internet stories if you yourself just need a break. do i love your stories incredibly much yes 100 percent absolutely but do us readers also value how you are taking care of yourself YES absolutely 1000 percent. please give yourself some grace :D ur incredible don't ever forget that!!!

You are so sweet, and I really needed to hear this, thank you so much 🩷

Thanks to everyone on tumblr enabling encouraging me, I actually just managed to finish and post the sickfic!

[4c-aperture]

talking about finales of long running shows, i mention how badly spn fumbled the bag—

gf, in her most reasonable and understanding voice: of course, it was always gonna be bad 😕 long running shows especially have a hard time wrapping things up in a way that satisfies everyone that ever watched it

gf: i mean, it’s also not like they could have gone around networks to give the shippers what they wanted either, right?

me: *becomes so lightheaded i pass out and ascend to the fifth dimension*

me, voice audibly squeaking: right, of course!

[gurggggleburgle]

the reason why Luo Binghe and Shen Yuan can't attic wife each other in their house and never leave is that they don't have internet or anything else around to help keep them moving. I think we chalk too much of Shen Qingqiu being a super productive person post transmigration often too much to reading into things and treating his unreliable narration as fact.

But like, what is he supposed to do all if not actually go outside and talk to people and get a job. Luo Binghe needs to do things other than be a housewife for his own sanity so he doesn't cabin fever. He can't live focusing his day around a singular person being in the room its not healthy and would drive him insane. These are not overly productive constantly doing things people. These are people doing things to make sure they aren't malaise slugs feeling nothing in their day to day drudgery.

This is just what a healthy post/pre internet mental state kinda looks like.

[asexualbookbird]

ive had a couple art challenges sitting in my brain for a while now and i havent gotten around to them for the usual executive dysfunction reasons but also because what i REALLY want is to turn my old blog into an art centric blog and leave this as The Book/Personal Blog but reality is. this blog gets more interaction and despite however much i tell myself Do It For Fun Not For Views its just more fun when people engage with your art

so idk. should i continue to post art here?? should i try to revive and resssurrect and actually promote my other blog?? do people even care lol

[mermaidslabyrinth]

Prompt: Trope Week

Trope Chosen: Seeing s/o in a dress/suit for the first time trope. Modern AU.

Summary: A request makes Aemond question himself.

Pairing: Aemond Targaryen x OMC

Warning: None really. Just a hint of angst. Gender confusion (I guess?).

Author's Note: This was supposed to be a fun little story but turned into someone questioning themselves and needing reassurance. Could Aemond be OOC? Not for my story he's not. Somewhat inspired by a scene from 'She's All That' and the song 'Neon' by Livingston (the title definitely is).

Dedicated to @ewanmitchellcrumbs for giving me the courage to start showing off my writings.

Word Count: 2.4k

Written for: @hotd-bigbang

If You Saw Yourself Like I Do, You Wouldn't Wonder

“Aemond? You doing all right in there?” Rhagerys called out from the living room.

“Fine!” Aemond quickly answered from the bedroom. “Why?”

“Dunno, just taking a bit longer than I thought you would. Do you need help?” Rhagerys yelled as he started for the hallway.

“No! I’m coming.”

Rhagerys stopped and turned around back to the living room. He sat upon the couch and waited. He started to scroll through his phone looking for something to go with what was going on.

“All right, I'm coming out.” Aemond finally said.

Aemond walked down the hallway towards the living room. He could not believe he let Rhagerys talk him into doing this.

~You wear those shoes and I will wear that dress~

Aemond made a confused face at hearing music coming from the living room. He made his way into the room. His eye locked with Rhagerys’s just as the lyrics played:

~Oh, kiss me under the milky twilight~

Rhagerys's mouth fell slightly open. He got a small smile upon his face. He stared at Aemond completely mesmerized.

“Wow.” Rhagerys breathed out.

“What the fuck is this?” Aemond demanded as he gestured towards Rhagerys.

“Oh, uh,” Rhagerys lifted up his phone and read it. “‘Kiss Me’ by Sixpence None The Richer.”

“Why is it playing?”

“Because I saw it in a movie?” Rhagerys sheepishly answered with a smile.

Aemond was quite unamused.

“That doesn’t explain,” Aemond sighed frustratedly. “shut it off,”

Rhagerys turned the song off.

“That doesn’t explain why it was playing.”

“In the movie it was playing during the scene where the girl is revealed to be in a pretty dress after a makeover. And the guy was mesmerized by her.”

Aemond stood there stoically.

“And I knew upon seeing you in,” Rhagerys gestured at Aemond. “I’d feel the same way.” Rhagerys shrugged his shoulders. “I was trying to set a mood.”

“You set a mood alright.”

“A good one?” Rhagerys tried to joke.

Aemond crossed his arms. There was not a hint of humor on his face.

“An…okay one?” Rhagerys said more meekly.

The two cousins just quietly stared at one another.

“You do look pretty.” Rhagerys finally said. “The dress fits you well.”

Aemond shifted his jaw just a little.

“The thoughts going through my mind right now.” Rhagerys said with a sly grin. “I may have to buy you a dress in every color.”

Aemond was done. He took a sharp, frustrated breath in and turned around to walk back down the hallway.

“Wait, Aemond,” Rhagery got up from his seat and followed. “Aemond.”

Aemond, ignored Rhagerys and continued on into their bedroom. He shut the door quickly and locked it.

Rhagerys, who was right behind him, had the door slammed in his face. He tried the knob even though he heard the click of the lock.

“Come on, Aemond. I meant nothing by doing that. Or saying that.” Rhagerys said as he jiggled the doorknob. “I’m not quite sure what you’re mad at me for.” Rhagerys knocked on the door. “It just felt right in the moment.”

There was silence from the other side.

Rhagerys leaned his back against the door.

“You know I’m strong enough to bust this door down.” Rhagerys hollowly threatened.

“Do that and you’re not only paying for a new door, you are also installing it. And for good measure you will be sleeping on the couch for a good month.” Aemond answered, though he did sound muffled.

“And unlike me, you will follow through with your threats.” Rhagerys confirmed.

Silence fell between the two.

“I did mean what I said, you look pretty. Gorgeous even.”

Rhagerys could feel a thump on the door. Aemond was leaning against it on the other side.

“Did I go too far?” Rhagerys genuinely asked.

A beat of silence.

“No.” Aemond answered.

“Then tell me what I did wrong.”

Aemond didn't answer.

“I was just so caught up in being able to see you in a dress for the first time, I wanted to make it memorable.” Rhagerys leaned his head back against the door. “You take my breath away, Aemond. No matter what you wear. And seeing you in that dress, something you most definitely did not have to do for me, reminded me of how much I adore you. How lucky I am to have you.”

There was no sound from the other side. Rhagerys let out a sigh.

“Aemond-” Rhagerys began.

The door unlocked and was jerked open in one swift movement. Rhagerys fell backwards quick and hard to the floor with a high pitched yell.

“My back…” Rhagerys wheezed out.

Aemond looked down at Rhagerys with a hand on one hip and the other on the door.

“You know this isn’t the first time that has happened to you, you think you would know better by now.”

Rhagerys slowly sat up, took a deep breath in, and just smiled up at Aemond.

“What can I say? I get so caught up by how much I need to profess my love for-”

“Alright, alright.” Aemond said exasperatedly. “Get up.” He said with an eye roll and a slight smile.

Rhagerys stood up and rubbed his back.

“I’m definitely going to feel that tomorrow.” Rhagerys muttered.

Rhagerys turned towards Aemond and gave him a once over. He couldn't help but smile. Aemond looked at Rhagerys but quickly looked away when their eyes met.

“I am sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable.” Rhagerys admitted.

“You didn’t.”

“Aemond, you can tell me if I did.”

Aemond moved away from the door and walked to the full length mirror. He examined himself in the mirror. He took a hold of the hem with both hands and did a little, hesitant sway.

“No, you didn’t.” Aemond reaffirmed.

“Then what’s the problem? The design?”

Aemond shook his head 'no'.

“I told you earlier that if you didn’t want to wear the dress-” Rhagerys tried to explain again.

Aemond’s eye connected with Rhagerys’s eyes through the mirror.

“I am wearing it, am I not?” Aemond pointedly asked as he dropped his hands.

“But if it’s to placate me and my,” Rhagerys frivolously gestured with his hands. “Little fantasy. You can take it off and I’ll get rid of it.”

“It’s not that.” Aemond said as he looked away.

“Then what is it?” Rhagerys asked more forcefully. “Tell me what the prob-”

Aemond whipped around to face Rhagerys. There was a tension on his face.

“I didn’t expect to actually like it as much as I do.”

Rhagerys could only stare at Aemond after hearing that.

“….oh.” Was all Rhagerys could whisper out. “Aemond…” Rhagerys was at a loss of what to say.

“You’ve worn dresses plenty of times before.” Aemond pointed out. “So I don't know why...” Aemond stopped talking, he could feel his face getting red from embarrassment.

“I was younger and played dress up with Rhaena and Baela.” Rhagerys offered up.

Aemond tilted his head in exasperation at Rhagerys.

“You wore one a year ago.”

“It was Rhaena’s Name Day and she had a theme. Masquerade.” Rhagerys said with a shrug.

“Five months ago?” Aemond pressed.

Rhagerys had to quickly calculate when that was.

“It was Sevenmas and the kids wanted to put on a little play. I had no problem dressing as the Mother.”

Aemond huffed out in annoyance. “Last week?” He deadpanned.

Rhagerys slightly narrowed his eyes at the memory of letting Helaena dress Aegon and him up just because. Aemond had refused, but Rhagerys remembered him watching the three intently.

“Why are you bringing all this up?” Rhagerys tentatively asked.

“Because!” Aemond practically shouted. “Because,” he said in a calmer voice. “I shouldn’t…” Aemond took a deep breath in. “I shouldn’t like wearing dresses. It is beneath me.”

“Plenty of men-”

“Do not compare me to other men.” Aemond warned.

Rhagerys took a slow breath in.

“Aemond, do you trust me?” Rhagerys asked cautiously.

“You know I do.” Aemond answered without hesitation.

Rhagerys knew his next few words had to be carefully said. He walked up to Aemond, put his hands on his shoulders, and turned him around. He walked him to the mirror.

“Do know who I see?” Rhagerys gently asked.

“I’m not playing this game.” Aemond flatly answered.

“It’s not a game.” Rhagerys moved his hands down to Aemond’s upper arms. “Do you know who I see?” Rhagerys asked again.

“Who?” Aemond answered as he looked away from his reflection.

“The bravest, strongest man I have ever known.”

Aemond gave a small snort and rolled his eye.

“I mean it, Aemond. It takes a lot of courage to do something like this. I do it because I don’t care.” Rhagerys wrapped his arms around Aemond’s upper body. “You did it because you do care.” He gave a soft kiss upon the side of Aemond’s head. “You care so much about pleasing me that you lost yourself for a moment.” Rhagerys gave Aemond another kiss to his cheek this time. “I’m here to let you know that this,” Rhagerys tightened his grip on Aemond. “This is you. It always has been.” Rhagerys gave Aemond another kiss to the cheek. “A brave man who cares. It just took a while for it to show.”

“I feel…” Aemond looked down.

“If you want me to help you take it off I will.” Rhagerys reassured.

Aemond didn’t say anything just stared at the floor.

“Darling?” Rhagerys whispered as he let go of Aemond.

Aemond looked back up and at himself in the mirror.

“I feel confused.” Aemond finally admitted.

“Life is confusing.”

“I like it,” Aemond turned to face Rhagerys. “But I also hate it.”

“That’s normal. If you want to keep doing this,” Rhagerys motioned towards the dress. “the hatred will eventually go away. I’ll be with you every step.”

“This stays between us.” Aemond stared down Rhagerys. “It stays only in this flat.” Aemond sternly said.

“I would never betray your trust. This is too important.”

Aemond made an unsure face.

“I’m in a dress, it’s not that big of a deal.”

“This conversation says different.” Rhagerys stated.

Aemond turned back around to face the mirror again.

“All of this because I made an off handed comment about a dress.”

Rhagerys walked up behind Aemond.

“You said it looked ‘pretty’ and wondered what it would look like, feel like wearing it.”

“Still. I didn’t think you would,” Aemond motioned to himself.

“I heard you and I wanted to please you.”

Aemond looked at Rhagerys in the mirror His face softened at hearing that. He turned to Rhagerys and looked up at him. A flash of vulnerability appeared.

“Please, don’t ever stop listening to me.” Aemond quietly said.

Rhagerys could see the desperate plea in Aemond’s eye. He closed the little gap between them. He gently took a hold of Aemond chin. He looked down at Aemond.

“Aemond, I could never. Your words mean everything to me.”

Rhagerys leaned down to kiss Aemond, who met him halfway. The kiss was delicate but held such a powerful weight behind it. Rhagerys broke the kiss and smiled down at Aemond.

“Besides, if I ever do, it means I’m dead.” Rhagerys gave a chuckle. “Even then, Ouija boards exist so…” Rhagerys said with a wave of his hand.

Aemond scoffed and jokingly hit Rhagerys’s chest. He lightly pushed Rhagerys away from him, walked back to the mirror, and once more looked at himself in it.

Rhagerys walked up behind him.

“How’d you get the strings tied?” Rhagerys asked as he played with them.

“It wasn’t easy, so do not untie them.”

Rhagerys dropped his hands, wrapped his arms around Aemond’s waist, and leaned his chin upon Aemond’s left shoulder.

“I wouldn’t dare try it.” Rhagerys gave a light kiss to Aemond’s neck. “Not until you tell me I can.”

Aemond closed his eye and took a soft breath in.

“You’re incorrigible.”

“So I’ve been told multiple times.”

Rhagerys let go of Aemond, stepped back, and took his hand.

“Now come along. I got us some takeaway and I’m sure it’s getting cold.” Rhagerys lightly tugged Aemond's hand. “It's from your favorite Korean place.”

“You got takeaway for this?”

“It felt like a special moment.”

Aemond pressed his lips together and made a face of disbelief at hearing that.

“Do you trust my cooking?” Rhagerys jokingly asked as he threw his hands up.

“That’s the one thing I don’t trust you with.” Aemond said with a laugh.

Rhagerys mockingly laughed back.

Rhagerys led Aemond out of the bedroom, down the hallway, into the kitchen. He pulled out a chair for Aemond to sit in. He then went about putting the takeaway on some plates. Rhagerys sat the plates down, grabbed some napkins and chopsticks, and joined Aemond in the seat across from him.

“The red looks great on you, by the way. It really makes your eyes pop. Especially your sapphire one.” Rhagerys complemented as he took a bite of food.

Aemond just stared at Rhagerys.

“Was the girl wearing a red dress in the movie?” Aemond asked, narrowing his eye just a little.

Rhagerys just looked back, eyes a little wide with a closed mouth smile.

“To be fair, it looks nothing like yours.” Rhagerys raised his hand slightly in defense. “And might I add, you look stunning in it.”

Aemond looked up towards the ceiling, doing his best to suppress a smile.

“As well as handsome. You bring a sort of delicate masculinity to the whole look.” Rhagerys added.

“Don’t push your luck.” Aemond threatened, but with a small smile.

Rhagerys returned the smile and reached his right hand out to Aemond’s left. He gently took it in his own.

“Thank you.” Aemond quietly said. “For helping…” Aemond trailed off not wanting to finish his thought.

“It’s alright. When you are ready to speak, I will be ready to listen.”

Rhagerys’s smile turned soft as did the look upon his face. Aemond returned the soft smile and lightly squeezed Rhagerys's hand. They knew now no words needed to be spoken.

[rolandkaros]

dont say it enough but tennisblr i love u

[frogayyyy]

some people need to learn that if you stop enjoying something you don't need to immediately turn around and hate it. you can simply just. move on. it's okay.

[atissi]

i think the internet could be greatly improved if we just assume that OP is always talking to someone who is not you. if the post is not personally applicable or relevant, cool, this isn't a conversation you're in. this is a strangers' conversation that you're eavesdropping on.

[skrunksthatwunk]

you go to a lesbian blog and find it says women only!! no men allowed!!! and go oh! excuse me, um, what about other lesbians? plenty of lesbians are genderqueer... and they go well, okay, go fuck yourself tim chop off your sweaty dick and stop calling yourself a lesbian. you do not have a dick, actually. you think about that fact often, even though it does you no good. you do not tell this person that.

you go to another lesbian blog and it says women only and you try again, and this time they change it to wlw + nblw only (non-men who love non-men :D). and you'll say hey i appreciate that but gender's not really that cut and dry for a lot of people. someone could be both a man and nonbinary, for instance. i just worry that you're looking at nonbinary as a generic third gender, or an extension of womanhood. i mean yeah you include nblw in your tags but all your posts are about pussy-havers exclusively. what's with that? and they say go fuck yourself you pervy man pretending to be a lesbian. you tried to sneak in but i won't let you.

so you go to a lesbian blog with a dozen or so posts about queer people needing to be more weird about it and you sigh in relief. but you still see the men dni. that's odd. hoping for the best, you say hey! i know you mean well but please maybe don't put men dni at the end of the lovely posts on your lesbian blog bc some lesbians are men. and they'll be like ok!! well you're allowed ;) and you say no that's not. no. some men are lesbians not just me. you think about your own dicklessness and wonder if that's why you were given entry. and you add that even if male lesbians are allowed, there's no indication of that. how would anyone know without asking? and they're like ohh gotcha gotcha well men dni + this is for sapphics only!! and you'll be like ok well that treats the concepts of men and sapphics as mutually exclusive identities and i just told you that's not true and you agreed with me so.. i don't think that solves our problem. and they're like. ok. fine. men dni but genderfluid and multigender people are allowed! and you're like no see that's. that's still the same thing.. you're saying the same thing just with different words. if you don't want men to interact but you're fine with multigender/genderfluid/etc ppl interacting then you either don't see them as Real Men (because they don't reach a standard of Full Manhood) or Complete Men (because they're only Part-Time Men), both of which suggest that they are, in some way, not men or less-than men, which is invalidating and defeats the point of the exception in the first place (accommodation) OR that you don't really mean the dni which is confusing and inconsistent and makes guydykes feel weird and uncomfortable and excluded from the lesbian space you're trying to cultivate. and they're like um. ok. so. cishet men dni? and you're like well i think that makes more sense, but what if someone identifies as both a cishet man and a sapphic? again, if we're trying to accommodate the genderfucky populace then that has to be a possibility that is considered. and they say god you people are never happy. what do you want me to do? what am i supposed to say to keep the right men out? and you pause. you empathize with the need for a space free from dudes trying to fuck you straight and feminine. dudes who watch lesbian porn and joke about what they'd do if they were allowed into girls locker rooms. who look at you like a piece of meat, and like someone who looks at women like pieces of meat in the same way he does. you get it. you know. you want a space where you can be sapphic, too. that's why you came to these blogs in the first place. you brace yourself and you say well i don't know that there are "right men" to keep out. i don't know that there's any single label that would accomplish whatever it is you're trying to accomplish. you could go for "sapphics only" or "queers only" and i think that might be the closest thing to what you want, but it's never going to be perfect. creating any exclusive space is going to shut out people you didn't account for, and the broader the label, the more people will be shut out that you didn't want to shut out. and what about people who don't know if they're allowed? what of questioning transbians, where are they supposed to go? and, frankly, i think i might rather my dykey posts get read and appreciated by a gay guy who sees me as a man than a woman who only sees me as a sacred womb, pure from male perversions or violence or whatever. i think community might just be more complex than a dni can handle. and they look at you and say i don't want to not have a dni. i think you're too permissive. you can't just "what about" or microlabel your way into everything. go fuck yourself, i bet you're not even a lesbian anyway. go find a real problem to get mad about.

you go to a lesbian blog. you ignore the men dni because you know you probably don't even count to them. or maybe you do count and, out of respect for your manhood, they'd shun you accordingly. you try to feel okay about that. you scroll past dozens of posts about mediocre men and gagging at straight friends' boyfriends and how gross and undeserving men are of the beautiful women they couple up with and how all women should be gay so they can get treated right and and and and and. you finally find a post about curling into someone you love and feeling at peace and try to lose yourself in it. you know that feeling is what unites you, what makes you belong. you try to focus on it. you think about carding your hands through a butch's hair or lacing fingers with a femme and feeling warm and loved and more yourself than you ever have before. like this is who you're meant to be. you read about lesboys and butch boytoys and genderfucky dykes and big hairy deep-voiced wonderful women (like you want to be someday, like you wish you could make yourself) and you try to ignore the men dni underneath each and every post. and you daydream about meeting someone kind and earnest at a lesbian bar even though you don't think any such bars exist within three states of you and you can't drink and don't want to drink because you need to be in control of yourself at all times so you don't fuck up like you're always about to and here in the nonexistent lesbian bar you feel wanted and safe and in good company. you picture your ideal, happiest self. it is a mistake. ideal-you has a goatee. not the mascara one you smear on and call drag even though you know it's not drag, not really, the beard you call drag because you think everyone would look at you sadly if you told them it was just to pretend you had something out of your reach. a beard that's soft and that you grew and that cannot be smudged away if you get too comfortable with it. the dream shatters. your people pull away from you, their scoffs mixing with the mind-numbing gay girl bedroom pop you learned to settle for just to have something that almost resembled you, they all pull away and turn their backs and do not look at you. you're too close to being a man now, even though you're the same amount of man as before. and they know you're not supposed to interact with men, not as you would with dykes, at least. and it sours. it's all your imagination, all in your head, but it sours.

you sigh. you think about how small you are. how short, how narrow, how feeble. how your voice pitches up when you talk to strangers because it's easier to speak quietly when it carries more, and because you're nervous. because it's a chore to talk, like everything is. you think about testosterone. you think about how your family would look at you, the questions they would ask, your answers they would only pretend to accept. the uncomfortable glances and whispered questions they'd try to hide from you. you think about how small you are, and how small you will always be. how you don't know of a way to fix it, but even if there was one, no one would want you anymore. you'd be the only one thinking it made you a cooler dyke. you think about how you don't even want a T-voice all the time, how you'll never be able to switch it at will, because you don't know how and can't bring yourself to figure it out. you think about how your throat closes around every hint of your own attraction. how wanting is perverse, how wanting is invasive, how wanting is embarrassing and too vulnerable so it must stay anonymous, as an online witness, and how you can barely manage to form or maintain friendships because your brain makes you pull away, always spinning out and struggling to recover from the simplest of interactions. how they'll all leave you and you won't chase after them at all and how that will hurt them. how stuck you get. how it looks like nothing's holding you back, how that frustrates everyone who thought you were going to be more than you were. the people you love who understand except when it comes to being ghosted, being shut out. how you don't want to hurt them. how you can't tell them that because you're stuck. how you turn to stone when touched, how you never reach out, how you lose your speech and can't look at people, how your autism is fun and sexy until it becomes real and you never see them anymore, how much you longed for someone who knew everything without you having to explain, and who loved you anyway. how unreasonable you know that is to expect of anyone. you think about that not-even-real lesbian bar. you think about how you still can't drive. how you can't leave your home on your own, without dragging somebody into helping you. how you can't leave your body. how you can't leave your manhood behind.

you think about finding another lesbian blog and ignoring everything. about skimming it for the parts you can juice some meaning from. the parts men ignore and don't understand, and how typical of you it is to do so. or the parts where you're not welcome and you should accept that, because it's for lesbians only. how you are a lesbian anyway. how you're meant to choose lesbian or man, how each is a betrayal of some kind to yourself or your people, your family, your lovely strangers, your rare friendly acquaintances. about the parts that tell you you're not wanted, that you're ugly and lazy and gross and insert yourself everywhere without even asking. about the parts that tell you you are hated, and how lesbians are above it all by rejecting men. how lesbians are each blessed miracles. about the parts that say you should be ashamed of being whatever twisted confused freak you are, of everything, of looking and wanting or not looking or not wanting, of picking and choosing instead of taking it all in with a smile. after all, shouldn't you take it? or is your ego too fragile, as men's so often are? aren't you tired? good. we're not here for your consumption. and we sure as hell don't want your company or "community" or whatever. didn't you read the sign? no boys allowed. and if you want to come in you have to make up your mind. as if you haven't told them the only answer you have. you're both. you're both.

you know you broke the rule by interacting.

but it gets lonely sometimes. you wonder if they know.

[quillthrillswriting]

"i love the internet because i get to learn new things" "i love the internet because i got to find a community"

HUSH. i love the internet because it lets me get as close to being batman as possible. i be sitting on public transit thinking "they don't know i'm a niche tumblr fanfic writer"

[coridallasmultipass]

rosedave for the fucked up ship bingo

Omg, they actually get a bingo for me!!

I was filling it out and skipped 'pool of blood' because I was gonna go back to use a redder colour, and then I finished going through the first pass and was like, 'Oh no, there's no bingo!' Except I read it again and remembered, oh right, forgot the red.

But yeah, awwww! Dave/Rose was baby's first Homestuck ship lol. Like day 1 of reading it I was like, 'they need to date, now!' (Before I even got to all the ectobiological implications, but by that point, it kinda just added to it because of the way they interact.) ((Playing with them like dolls/psychological torture.))

About the t4t one, just a personal comment, I have a whole like, story outline set up where Dave and Rose both being trans plays a role for Bro and Mom (both also trans) to talk (argue, over the phone) about Sburb and stuff. I just reread my outline and hfffff really wanna clean that up. (It's more of a Bro thing tho, so I won't get into that here.) But yeah, Dave and Rose are both queer too, which is always nice.

And 'divorced' is probably more like the Alpha versions, but I feel like that counts, too, since we didn't get to meet them directly in the comic. For the alphas, they seem like the type to be in and out of a relationship with each other all the time, always making headlines like 'Strider and Lalonde spotted holding hands at local cafe! Did their breakup last?' Or like completely mundane shit like that. While they're both intoxicated, D will initiate a breakup over some trivial argument, and then come crawling back to R begging her to come back the next morning. He has the divorce lawyer on speed dial, but both the lawyer and R know the divorce isn't going anywhere, and to just let D blow off steam with legal threats as usual. Idk. I could talk for days ab the alphas, but it's gonna be a lot of like, my ideas of them, rather than what we see in canon, so I'll just leave it at that for now.

Man, tho, that bingo line. So true.

They're terrible for each other in that they were made for each other - each of their fucked up shapes fits the other. I especially love how Dave seeks out Rose to make her pry the information out of him that he's too embarrassed to say flat out, or even when he is actually opening up. He knows Rose is going to tease him, and yet he seeks that out anyway. All of their interactions are just pure gold.

They DO die in a pool of blood together (alphas, but also when betas go godtier just without the blood I guess).

Incredibly mixed feelings!! I shipped this before I got to the related part and had to reconcile with that lol. I mean it wasn't that hard though, since you're basically spoonfed this ship (whether familial, platonic, or romantic/etc) with how Dave is the butt of all the Freudian and incest jokes, but also how comfortable they are with being themselves around each other. Teasing example that I love:

And WHERE is the content?! Fr, where? Whenever I DO see content of them tho, it's really great, so credit where credit is due, there IS content, I just don't happen across it as often as I'd like to.

Speaking of content, I'm gonna include two of my faves, bc 'thinking about them always and forever' lol. SUGGESTIVE stuff as follows:

I'm always thinking about that one fan art of Dave and Rose on the bed (adult only: https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/737296482257043456 ) or the one where they're on a wall niche (also adult only: https://coridallasmultipass.tumblr.com/post/739893243737702400/have-you-ever-drawn-any-rosedave-i-love-those ). [Ugh are the links adding?? Just gonna put them down as text, and hope it inserts.]

So yeah. Man, this post got long, sorry about that.

[liquidstar]

ok based on what im seeing from cohost it actually seems like the best alternative if you actually wanna be able to make whatever kinda posts you want. so like for my purposes it HYPOTHETICALLY works best. its also pretty similar to tumblr in terms of layout though im not a huge fan of the design of the site? hopefully i can customize it more though- theres a waiting period of about a day or two before i can really post or do anything so i really cant say 100% if im on board

but if tumblr went down i might try to use cohost for my oc stuff, and honestly i would like it if enough ppl used it so that i could just stay on there, but if i have to use twitter to keep in touch w ppl so be it. i really hate how public twitter feels though, i like it better on smaller sites like here and, well, hypothetically cohost, where it doesnt feel like i could be subject to the public eye at any point.

so yeah ill tell you all how good or bad it is once the waiting period is over and hopefully if its good enough for me and maybe some of you we can make accs to move to, if the time ever comes. but for now im happy with my stuff here and i hope i can keep it here. if you already have one my username there is the same, tho obvs its empty. anyway im going to watch k on

[selfinflictedgunshotwound]

my various mental issues make liking people so hard because i already put people on a pedestal to begin with if i genuinely like them so i am automatically laying myself at their feet like a dog but then i wrestle with the ego death of seeing that they're just a human being who is capable of being wrong and stupid and annoying me and it kind of makes me sick to my stomach not because i expect people to be perfect but because i know if i had like 5 minutes to sit down and talk to this person i would feel more secure in knowing where they stand on any given thing. but you aren't granted that when you just like some random guy who will never know you because you can't take the feeling of someone who could actually know you. or whatever.

[none-tadashi-left-hiro]

hi what is wrong with me