#and also my anxiety/depression is just. so much worse

[barbs111claims]

Hi

So 2 years ago I wanted to kill myself but then I had a huge “spiritual awakening” where I say things beyond human comprehension. And from that moment I decided to give life a chance, I knew that life actually had a meaning and that was for me to discover what was beyond what I could think. It gave my so much clarity of the world around me and who I was. From that moment I also started to randomly consciously manifest things without knowing about manifesting. I’m not kidding when I say this but in that time I manifested 6 million overnight while I was just kidding about being a millionaire while listening to my rich music and then when I woke up my parents had the good news. I also manifested others things that I thought where extremely special. But I didn’t really put in effort it was just fun experimenting with my powers.

So then I decided to deepen myself in the laws. I started with law of attraction. And I ended up meditating so deeply everyday that I was so passionate about finding the ultimate truth of reality inside me, that I was extremely depersonalised from my 3D and basically lived inside my brain. I could ask things and receive answers on my questions, like the one time i asked how to invent something that could end humanity ( I still have a full doc on how to build to most effective machine that could end humanity in less than second) I also got the answer of questions about reality and my vessel. So that’s when I realised there was nothing but me. And that I was experiencing myself from the experience of myself ( if that makes sense!) I found that there really was nothing and everything at once while I was giving meaning to it. So that’s when I started with extreme anxiety and depression because I struggled so much with intrusive thoughts, not being able to ground myself in this reality and being so so scared of my thoughts. Still to this day my thoughts scare me so much that I can’t help but experience anything other than fear from myself. It’s like I’m living in a constant nightmare. I have watched so much law of assumption post and videos dedicating every second of my day on being focused and disciplined to affirming and being in the state of having what I want, but it makes me so fuckiyn angry and I don’t know why. Everytime I see a post I feel depressed because deep down I know everything but everyday I wake up in the same reality where everything fucking sucks ( I have been forcing myself to be kind self love gratitude letting go void state visualisation whatever exist I’ve done it all) and when I finally have build up that trust that everything is working out in my highest favour and I always get what I want and the 3D can’t tell me nothing yk I can delude myself into knowing I have it but it’s been over a year and I just can’t bear this reality anymore I know I’m meant for another reality and there’s just nothing for me to find here anymore. And I really don’t know what to do anymore I feel like I’m stuck in this reality where everything seems to get worse. And my thoughts are also getting worded everyday for the last year but whenever I tried manifesting a better self concept mindset etc it got worse when i don’t even want to be the person that is in conflict with themsef because that’s just a idiotic thing to do. But can you help me out?🫶

wow. Thanks for sharing your struggles I'm sure it wasn't easy.

I really want to say that we all ARE Master Manifestors. Either consciously or unconsciously. It is amazing how you found your powers earlier but also I want you to understand that there is nothing to be afraid of because "Good or bad" doesn't exist to I AM. They are just Human made concepts.

I AM is I AM.

It is being. It is the vessel that comprehends, desires and thru I AM, it gets what it want.

I would suggest you to go back meditating and just focus on the day, your thoughts and journal them and do some introspection.

Every time you have a negative thought, observe them and ask why you have that. Is it the vessel's fear or your fear? (short ans: It's your vessel's)

So as we know the creation is already done. I AM exists anywhere, It is our decision to choose what we want. I know having that power might go good or cause anxiety but the truth is that it is so freeing.

Think of the times when you manifested and the fulfilment. Feel that feeling again.

Free yourself, you aren't gonna 'manifest' anything bad to yourself truly because you are the god of your reality and god doesn't worry for being a god.

And if you still have worries, Loa is basically Law of assumptions so just assume that every time a negative thought pops, your new story manifest quicker. BE CRAZY. It's your reality<3

(btw your thoughts or your mindset getting worse are just affirmations, you can ditch the old story any moment now)

[astriiformes]

Summer is absolutely wrecking me this year. More than usual, which is particularly frustrating since my mental health had been so much better this past fall/winter/spring--though part of it is also that I am pretty wrung-out physically. I just want the season to be over :(

[coffeeworldsasaki]

Another thing that makes kaladin so painfully relatable is how much his mental illness hides his personality, because between depressive episodes and trauma he's this sarcastic little shit that smiles a lot at his friends and then the depression gets to him and all that disappears

[bunnihearted]

🐰🌧️

[sugah--bee]

okay so this is wildly like, impulse

but I really really really wanna do something with october and I am still posses by the spirit of crafting and not the spirit of art

so instead of trying to draw every day for a kind of inktober, I'm going to work on my wips every day for at least 20 minutes with pics of progress

rules

-have to work for 20 minutes a day and upload pictures with my progress and how much time I spent

-that's it thats all the rules. im not doing anything about finishing a project a day, or even finishing any of them, and if the time ends up being completely me weaving in ends or something that's fine, the goal is make progress not bust out 31 sweaters

literally it's just finish it february, but in October because I usually draw so this seems like the right month to do challenges like that

and I'm making a hashtag so I have some organization, and so people can block it if they don't want to see like, 10 pics of 'the same sweater but it's totally different because there's been an inch added' lol

[titan-god-helios]

y’all. i fucking cannot. what is wrong with the world. can we just please. stop.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[kakusu-shipping]

Luigi master of the beans, worked in a Starbucks in Highschool, now a regular in the Beanbean Kingdom, makes the best cup of coffee in the morning every day for Mario, who could absolutely just drink whatever whenever and is not picky about his morning Joe at all but he loves the flare Luigi puts into it

[5-htagonist]

i love art, im very grateful for adderall for gifting me with the executive function, ease of prioritization, and clearness of thought <3

[hobisexually]

why is January 2929293929 days long this year

[the-kipsabian]

[szczylpierdolony]

life is falling through my fingers more that usually

[4e7her]

hello. sorry i disappeared again i think this is just who i am now. finally living my dreams of being a cryptid

i wrote like a chapter and a half of a fuckign ladybug fic today. it is cringe but i am free. who is interested (it's not gonna follow canon very closely at all because i do not care it is for my enjoyment)

[caffeinatedopossum]

Starting to wonder if I have bipolar but then I would literally have almost every mental illness. Like fr I'm not kidding you, I'm a collector and I never chose this

[cptnbeefheart]

work has been WAY less dreadful lately and i feel like im finally connecting with my coworkers because im not as shy & ive gotten more comfortable there and feel more adult in general but idk i think im just feeling down or something because i just cried about not being able to find a clean bowl in this stupid house i haven’t eaten since lunch and theres nothing here that i want/ wont make my stomach hurty except soup and thats going to be so unsatisfying its so dumb but i AM dreading work tmrw we have a meeting which always makes me insane anxious i hate being trapped in a room and having to sit there and not be visibly anxious have to appear cool calm collected but not trying to throw up at the same time like im gonna be anxious all day which means i wont eat much because im afraid of puking and then ill feel worse because im hungrys im going to rip my skin off AHHHHHH!!!! <- thats me screaming

[alcohol-eyes]

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