#and also because we've done accounts before

[tarnishedxknight]

It was a typical day in the maze of offices that comprised the brain center for the 9th Bureau. Chaos, fervor, but also secrecy reigned here. Scribes, soldiers, and plain clothes spies walked around, going this way and that, en route to important missions, boring paperwork, or maybe even just trying to make lunch. There was much writing, arguing, laughing, whispering, book organizing, paper filing, and many pats for the Bureau's patron black feline, Shadow. No one really knew how the cat got into the offices, but she'd lived there ever since, surviving on handouts, hunting the mice that lived behind a lot of the bookshelves and filing cabinets, and pilferings from unattended lunches and drinks.

People walked around Larsa at every angle, careful to give the royal princeling adequate space and respect. Not on his own merits, or even because he was a prince necessarily, but because he was the charge of Judge Magister Gabranth, their military general, presiding upholder of law, and boss. No one wanted to earn his ire by mistreating the boy. They feared him perhaps more than they did Emperor Gramis himself, because they were more immediately under orders from him, and he would hold them accountable for anything they screwed up.

Was Larsa waiting for Gabranth? Should they... do something? There were whisperings about what to do with the boy, and what to do if that chair he was sitting in happened to just outright break. Gods, if the boy harmed himself on their watch... They didn't want to think about that. For the most part, Larsa was ignored in favor of getting work done, and not being the one to annoy the boy their boss was charged with watching over.

Eventually, someone got up the courage to approach the boy. "My lord... we've not seen His Honor Judge Magister Gabranth all day, so if you are waiting for him... we know not when he might return. Or... was there something else you wanted, my lord?"

Just then, someone carrying a tray of coffee cups walked by, bumping into the man speaking to Larsa and spilling coffee all over him. "Watch what you're doing!"

"S-sorry!" said the young man who was clearly some sort of intern.

The other man brushed off the dripping coffee and smiled awkwardly, leaving to change his clothes.

Shadow came up to Larsa and meowed, asking permission to jump up onto his lap and yet not waiting for a reply before doing so. The cat purred loudly as she made biscuits on the boy's lap for a bit before curling up and attempting a nap.

"Who moved the fillings on the Dalmascan-Nabradian Peninsula?!" someone yelled out, causing nearly everyone to stop what they were doing and look at the man. He looked... positively exasperated.

"Oh, w-we... reorganized a bit. There are new cabinets over there, for all the-" someone started to say before the first man interrupted.

"You cannot simply do that, they must remain accessible!"

"Sorry. I'm s-sorry," the intern said.

"To the seven hells with you sorries! Do better!" the man said, going to the filing cabinet and dragging it back to its previous location.

There were chatterings and some giggling over this event, but then... everyone seemed to straighten suddenly. The clear, loud, heavy footsteps of a Judge Magister's armor could be heard... headed this way. Everyone flew into a panic, trying to look busy or like they knew what they were doing, scrambling to get things organized and to get back to work as their boss entered this particular section of the offices. A stern helm slowly panned the room and, finding what it sought, the set of armor carried itself right up to Larsa Solidor.

"My lord," Gabranth said. "I had hoped I'd find you studying those lessons I left for you earlier." There was just enough authority and disappointment in his tone to say to Larsa that he'd expected this of him. "Is there a reason why you are here instead of in your quarters?" Although Gabranth was not angry with Larsa, he was demanding an answer from him, in his own indirect way. His tone seemed to say, you had better have a good reason for hanging out with the cat in these offices instead of attending to your schoolwork...

Larsa did not expect to be unfrozen at all, let alone in the future. When he had snuck upon Gabranth's ship set for Pharos he did it to ensure the peace would be possible. The last thing he remembered was running towards fallen Gabranth and then... Light. (Marvel AU) - tarnishedxjudgement

@tarnishedxjudgement

Noah didn't have the same abilities and resources in this time period with which to inform himself of anything and everything that was going on around him. He was in the dark, most of the time, unless directly informed of things, a condition he hated. Being at the mercy of others he neither knew nor trusted for information was not a position he usually found himself in.

It was the reason he hadn't known about Drace being found after him until she was brought one day to the training compound. Inexplicably, after executing her in his own timeline, here she was again, seemingly from another. The entire experience was wholly jarring, but not nearly as jarring as losing his only son.

So often had Noah thought of Larsa in the months following his revival in this strange time. Thoughts invaded his peace, his sleep, his ability to function, until he found himself so erratic and unhinged that he did not recognize himself anymore. Even Drace found it difficult to comfort him, and she had always been a master of that feat. There was no closure to be had, no second chances, no going back... and that knowledge was eating Noah alive from the inside out.

But once again, information had been kept from him, and yet another arrival from Ivalice to the Avengers compound was neither expected nor necessarily wanted. Would it be another Dalmascan? Gods forbid a Rozarrian. And the way the people of this time seemed to think that all Ivalicians got along and would be happy to see each other was beyond irritating to him. Nevertheless, when he was specifically summoned to greet this newcomer, Noah begrudgingly left his quarters to do so.

What he saw... stopped him dead in his tracks. Within seconds, his expression betrayed him, and within a few more, he was on his knees, his legs giving way in disbelief of the sight that lay before him. It was little Lord Larsa, looking just as he did when last Noah laid eyes on him, perfect as can be.

He knew he should say something, but words betrayed him as well as his own legs had. Instead, he merely stared, the absence of his helm serving to display to the boy all the shock, confusion, and relief at seeing him standing there. Finally, he forced out the only two words he felt he could say without falling apart.

"My lord..."

[thethingything]

also though this dentist is genuinely the best dentist we've ever had.

she was really understanding about us having issues with toothpaste and we asked if she had any recommendations for alternatives we could try to see if those help and she gave us some options to look into so that's cool.

she also took our medical trauma into account and kept checking if we were okay throughout the appointment and asking if we needed to take breaks and we've never had a dentist do that before.

she warned us about what each tool would feel like too and actually warned us if something was going to be painful which like, I would in fact rather be warned that "this is going to be uncomfortable in this way" and "yeah this is gonna feel really bad for a few days but that's normal" than have someone try to reassure us that it won't be that bad only for it to get really painful.

our next appointment is to have a tooth removed and she explained the procedure to us and how that normally goes, and then we asked if we can take the tooth home afterwards and I can only assume from the look on her face that she's never been asked that before, but she was like "yeah I don't see why not, it is yours after all" so that's cool

[fanfictionlibrary01]

AO3 works being stolen and posted on rivd.net

What is happening, and what you can do. Check for edits with additions at the end of the post!

We've posted these infos in our Discord server, but want to make them accessible for more of you AO3 and fanfic folks out there. What is happening? A user called "Fanfic Books" on the site https://rivd.net is posting over a million of fanfics since May 18th (account creation time of that user), all of which seem to be stolen from AO3 users. You can check if your works were stolen by searching your AO3 username on that site. Reporting this on the site is tedious, and contains so much requested data and personal (sensitive) information about you that is just seems sketchy and like they want to grab your data to sell it off again. (See this for more on that.) That a virus called "rivd" apparently also exists does not help their case. Since the person posting the works is also listed as Moderator of the website, chances of successful reports are, by our estimation, very small to non-existant. (As you can look up here.) Creating an account on that site is also tedious - after trying it, the feedback was that a moderator needs to approve of my account creation request. How long that is supposed to take is not known. What can you do? We deduced - through admittedly rushed, because we felt like time was of the essence, and and sparce, checks - that people who have their works locked on AO3 have not been affected. (At all/as much is not to say, it's our best hope and theory rn.) We advised our server members to lock their AO3 works for the time being, as that currently seems like the only prevention method available. A great tutorial for how to lock all your AO3 works at once has been posted here. Kudos to this X/Twitter post that seemed to have started the spread of information, and others relaying the infos (like e.g. r/AO3 on Reddit). Edit (0,5h after initial post):

With permission of the author on AO3, here are screenshots from when I checked if their works (unlocked on AO3) were stolen. Searching for works of the FFL Discord server's admin, who has them locked on AO3, resulted no matches on the rivd site - hence the theory/recommendation that locking your AO3 works helps.

Edit 2 (4h after initial post):

There also seems to be a new occurrence that the fanfiction tab has been emptied/does not contain (publically displayed) fanfics anymore. What this means and if the fanfics are really taken down is unclear, but given that the anime fanfic category that once existed is seemingly completely gone, something is being done. Rumor is that a mass report of DMCA at Cloudflare caused this - it feels like a win either way!

Edit 3 (23h after initial post):

It seems like rivd.net is now completely down/inaccessible. See last attached screenshot in this post! No infos on what this means or what caused this are available atm, but like before, it feels like a small win!

[queers-gambit]

Now and at the Hour of His Death

prompt: any who say, "it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all," were never loved by him.

pairing: Osferth x female!pregnant!wife!reader

fandom: The Last Kingdom

word count: 6.1k+

note: fuck you, Netflix.

warnings: you already know - author needs therapy, projects hard, pregnant wife, Lord’s name in vain, Christianity (obviously), and a fuck ton of fucking ANGST because fuck your feelings. hurt NO comfort, drama, oneshot, cursing, canon-typical violence, injury, and blood. character death and spoilers - yeah, i'm giving you THAT scene. requires maturity and caution. good luck.

also please note: NO, i do not age Osferth to be 16 - that's just a reference age for when he eventually runs away from the monastery.

again, you are missing nothing if this upsets or triggers you and you choose to skip. value your wellbeing, my angels. author is not responsible for the media YOU choose consume, but still, as usual, MDNI

"You should not be doing this sort of work," Ingrith's voice scolded you, and when you turned, you saw the blonde woman standing with her hip cocked and a stern expression. "It's bad for your health to be in such filth, we've stable boys for this sort of chore."

"I do not mind," you sniffled in the brisk air, shoveling the horse shit of the stable into a muck bucket to be dumped into the fields later. "It keeps me busy," you grunted lightly, sure to bend your knees when lifting the pitchfork, "keeps me humble," you listed, dumping the waste to grin at your friend, "and keeps me young."

"In what way?"

"Reminds me of my childhood," you eased, continuing your work. "I slept in a stable from the ages of 4 to... Oh, shit, I guess I was about 16 before I left The Loft."

"What?" She breathed in confusion. "Never knew that."

"Yeah, yeah, true story," you beamed at her, still shoveling shit. "I slept in the stalls with the horses, sometimes in the grain rooms - basically anywhere I could since my work didn't include official room and board, so, I had to make do with what was available. Then, one day when I was about ten, Old Man Rivers said I could use the hay loft if I cleared it out, fixed the rotten planks. Stayed up there till I was about 16, and after that, I kinda ran away."

"Old Man Rivers?"

You nodded, "My mother lived on his homestead, but she was real sick, you see. So, he kinda took me in without assuming responsibility for me," you cleared your throat, shrugging, "let me stay in his barn if I worked with the horses and livestock for him."

"Why would you want to be reminded of that?"

"Seems simpler when I look back."

Ingrith sighed, "C'mon, put the pitchfork down. Come help me prepare the rabbits. The scouts say the men aren't too far off, they'll want a hot meal."

You chuckled with ease and set your pitchfork aside, giving a hearty pat to one of the horse's necks as you passed by to exit the stable. Ingrith made sure you washed up before you were both mounting rabbits on the rack to start skinning them.

"Could I ask something?" She wondered after a time.

"Anything you'd like."

"Why'd you run away? From Old Man Rivers?"

You laughed, "I was in love."

"Oh, you and Baby Monk go that far back, huh?"

"Try even farther," you teased. "Our mothers were friends, and when I worked in the stable, he was in the monastery, but when he came to me, saying he couldn't do it any longer, I couldn't let him go alone. Life was supposed to offer more than what we were given, so, we set out to find the legendary barbarian, The Dane Slayer," you teased, both giggling, "our Lord, the legendary, Uhtred of Bebbanburg."

"And all this time...?" She smiled, watching you shuck hide like you've done it your whole life. Ingrith inferred you probably did.

"Yeah," you eased, "all this time, he's been by my side. Kept me close, never left me behind. The others weren't too sure about me on account of being a woman, they told us to piss off a few times - but they came around after Osferth refused to send me away."

"He's a good lad, Osferth," she nodded.

"Arguably one of the best ones," you agreed, nudging her arm gently, "but look who I'm telling, right?"

"Oh!" She giggled, swatting at you loosely before going back to your work for a moment. Suddenly, the townspeople of Rumcofa stirred to life, and over the voices, you heard them announcing their Lord's return - which meant all of your men were home. You both grinned and breathlessly left your post, Ingrith pausing a young lad to ask, "How many return to us?"

"Does it matter? Come, c'mon, let us see ourselves!" You all but squealed, overwhelmed with excitment; eager for your own reunion with the man you've loved since you were a young lass.

"Warn the alehouse!" Finan was heard shouting. "Osferth's thirsty!"

"Jesus," you laughed, dodging around the procession of people waiting to greet their warriors on their return home so you could approach the white gelding your husband rode.

His face was absolutely priceless when he caught sight of you. As Osferth eagerly dismounted, your hands smoothed over the small swell of your belly - purposefully wearing a dress that accentuated your ever-changing figure. "Am I dreaming?" He laughed, a stablehand taking hold of his horse so his hands were free to caress your belly. "Oh, my God, I'm not, 's real, oh, God," he beamed, laughing with you. "You're pregnant? Truly? Yes? I-I am not - I am not being deceived?"

"No, my love, I guess our prayers were finally heard."

"OH-HOOOO!" You heard Finan holler as Osferth finally pulled you in for a sweet kiss; both ignoring the Irishman. "Lord! LORD! Uhtred! Hey! Did you hear!? Baby Monk's got some spunk in 'im afta all!"

"Oh, God," you laughed against Osferth's lips, but he was quick to shush you with another breath-stealing kiss.

"A baby Baby Monk! AHA!" Finan was still laughing, your husband's hands caressing both your cheeks when he pulled back just in time for Finan to descend. You grunted lightly when his heavy arms dropped over both yours and Osferth's shoulders, his laugh still booming as he gave a squeeze and cooed, "Oh, congratulations, yah two love birds! Wasn't sure you had it innyah, boy!"

"Don't be so rough with her, Finan, for God's sake," Osferth scolded, nudging his friend to get out from under his arm.

"What?" Finan looked at you gobsmacked. "Sayin' I gotta treat yah different now or somethin'?"

"I didn't say that," you told him prettily with fluttering lashes, fist quickly balling up to jab him in the weak spot of his armor - making him grunt and wheeze. "Aht-aht!" You warned with a pointed finger when he flinched as if to retaliate, "Can't hit a pregnant woman."

"Oh, yeh li'l shite," Finan laughed, Osferth pushing him towards his wife so he could stand in front of you and command all attention.

Osferth took a moment to simply look at you; thumbs gently tracing over your cheeks in sweeping motions, a slow grin breaking across his lips. "This almost doesn't feel real... But how I have to praise God for this blessing. A baby," he breathed.

"A little you and me," you agreed softly. "Sound okay to you?"

"More than okay," he chuckled, pecking your lips, "sounds like a lifetime together."

"Good by me." His nose nuzzled up yours, the sweet moment broken when he sighed sadly; eyes shut and smile dropping. "What is it? What's wrong, love?" You asked, stepping into his embrace so you were nuzzled into his neck and his arms were wrapped around your form in a vice.

"Uhtred means to move us again," he whispered in your ear. "Brida, she... She's got Father Pyrlig, and - "

"What!?" You snapped, rearing back slightly to pin him under your hardened glare. Pregnancy hormones would surely give Osferth whiplash.

"My love, I did not - "

"Brida's got Pyrlig? Fuck are we standin' here for, let's go!" You reached for his hand, ready to march off.

"Uh, no, no, no, no," he pulled you back to him; anchoring his hands on your hips so you could not escape. "You are not going anywhere. Not now - especially now," he glanced at your still-growing bump. "The men will go, you know we will return, but you have this new responsibility, and that's keeping this little one safe. For us," he smiled at you.

You huffed, "I'm not unfit to do what needs done, Osferth."

"I did not say you were unfit, but look at the timing of it," he frowned. "I should've been here when you learned, but I was not, and I am truly so sorry for it. Look, I do not know how long this venture will be, but you know I will return. We've waited for our family for far too long, I will not jeopardize this - so I will return. If you go with us, and something were to happen," he shook his head, "my angel, I would never forgive myself. So I need you to stay here, stay safe, if for nothing else but for me."

"But Pyrlig - "

"Will be saved," he assured.

"And Brida - "

"Will be dealt with," he eased, chuckling lightly. "My angel, you worry too much about everyone and yet never about yourself."

You pouted, "Well, why is it just me meant to stay back? This is your child, too, Osferth, and should have the right to meet them! You can't always control what happens, accidents are real, what if you don't return - "

"Don't think like that - "

"But it's a real threat to us - "

He agreed, "Of course, but - "

"Yeah, I know," you nodded, cutting him off, "we serve Lord Uhtred. This comes first, and I'm not - "

"I've made a vow to him."

"You made one to me, too, you know."

"Angel, please, don't do this. Do not ask me to choose," he begged with a frown, and you caved.

So, with a sigh, you nuzzled into his embrace and relented, "All right, yes, fine, go after Brida and Pyrlig. And when you find them, tell him I am waiting for his safe return, he is dearly missed. Ideally, I'd have him birth our child."

"Of course," he breathed, finding a small reprieve of relief that you did not fight him further about leaving - about choosing which vow to fulfill: the one to his Lord Uhtred or the one to his wife.

Both made to God.

Luckily, Osferth married his best friend and you were never one to pick fights with him. You liked the harmony you had; the peaceful environment you had both cultivated to preserve the trust and love you built through the years. He was genuinely one of a kind; a man who walked many lines between faith, humanity, right, wrong. He was the voice of reason, constantly striving to do better than he did before, learning all he could as if a rag soaking in water. For all he was, Osferth has always been enough for you, and for that reason alone, you never felt the need to argue.

To fight. To voice contempt.

"Question," you perked up, smirking at him as your pregnancy symptoms ran a little wild, "think we've time to, you know, really give our thanks?"

"Angel - "

"What?" You grinned. "You fucked me on the alter all those weeks ago and look - your seed stuck. We might as well go give thanks in the same manner, just to really show God how thankful we are for this blessing he's given us."

"Think the Devil's gotten into you," he laughed.

"Or your child is ruining my hormones," you countered, his lips meeting yours in another passionate display of his excitement.

"C'mon," he whispered, taking your hand, and leading you to the chapel - thinking you were being sneaky, but your matching giggles made Ingrith and Finan beam at each other.

"He does know she can't get more pregnant, right?" Finan teased, flinching when Ingrith smacked his upper arm.

"WHY!?"

"My angel, please - "

"What the fuck is going on, Osferth!?"

"I'm trying to explain - "

"The Queen? The fucking Queen is dead in our village! How can that possibly be explained!?" When Osferth didn't answer, just sat in the wooden chair before the shared hearth of your humble home, you snapped, "Well!?"

"Are you finished? May I speak now?"

With a huff, you nodded and gestured for him to speak; arms crossing around your swollen tits. He explained to you the reason for Haesten's arrival, the wagon his men toted, and why he brought the Queen's dead body to the settlement of Rumcofa. He told you Haesten wanted to keep the peace when King Edward found out, claiming Uhtred's son-in-law, Stiorra's husband, Sigtryggr, had ordered this death - thinking war would surely roll over his lands.

You never knew Haesten to be a generous man, nor much of an honest one, but it seemed the severity of the situation made everyone eerily on-edge. Uhtred dispatched his men; leaving Finan and Osferth in the village with you, developing a plan that would save both Saxon and Danish life. And yet, it was all futile when evil forces worked against good.

You didn't feel safe in Rumcofa anymore, there was a stench in the air; tension that mounted to embrace all residents with discomfort. Something was about to happen, but nobody knew what. You didn't claim or pretend to know what was happening, but Haesten's abrupt appearance spelled danger for everyone involved. So, as a security measure, you kept a long sword buckled around your swelling waist and a dagger strapped under your skirts. With Lord Uhtred gone, there was no invisible fence protecting Rumcofa - leaving it up to you, Osferth, Finan, and Cynleaf to pose as guard.

Yet you'd never be enough.

Like the surf over sand, a group of angered men descended on Rumcofa. "Who's men are yah?" Finan asked, you lingering at Osferth's side to watch the interaction from a short distance.

"We come from the King," a burly Saxon replied, your head cocking in interest - swearing you've seen him before. "Dane murderers are hiding here and you must hand them over."

"You're mistaken, sir," you kindly offered, the man's eyes shifting over you, "because we live in peace. Any murderers have surely moved on from here. We do not host them."

The man growled, "Don't think that's true, love."

Finan held a hand back at you, meeting your eyes and nodding simply. He turned back for the man in fur, diverting, "Of course, my men will attend to it."

Finan turned from the group, his eyes connecting with yours as he passed by. There was urgency, a quickened pace he adopted; having no intention to hand anyone over, wanting to remove these men without bloodshed. However, that was a distant thought because Father Benedict tried to assure the Saxon leader that nobody in Rumcofa would murder Queen Aelflaed.

You wanted to step in when the Saxon evidently didn't know about the Queen's demise - getting in Benedict's face and demanding to see what he spoke of.

"No, no, no," you muttered nervously, "he can't see the body, love, no, no, no, this is bad. Very bad."

"We can't stop Father Benedict without altercation," Osferth whispered back, keeping a tight hold of your hand, just watching the group. "If something happens, you need to get yourself safe."

"How do we truly know they're from Edward? What credentials do they have?" When Osferth shook his head, you worried, "Got a bad feeling 'bout this, angel."

Then the violence began.

The strange men took charge when their leader walked away, starting to physically harass the citizens; making both you and Osferth step in to try and diffuse the tension. You pushed men off unarmed women, got in between them and the children, did what you could without drawing a weapon.

When a man shoved you away from him, Finan wrangled him away, sneering, "Get yer hands off of her!" He kept the violent men at bay for a moment, telling you, "You need to go, darling - "

"Not now, Fin, look around us! We need to contain the situation, you'll need all hands you can get," You snapped, the two of you forced to part way.

Osferth panted nervously and looked left and right, turning to meet the Saxon and demand, "Tell your men to stand down!" But then, his eyes squinted when you joined his side to pull him back a step or two, recognizing him just as you did.

"I don't think they're here for the Queen, love," you heaved for breath in warning, still backing him up. "They've planned this."

"Finan!" Osferth barked, "These men have been here before!"

The Saxon roared over the fray, "Danes of Rumcofa have murdered our Queen!" His men jeered in anger, making Finan brandish both swords and for Osferth to push you back further from the attention. "Do your duty and rid the cockles from the wheat!"

You were left no choice. Osferth and you both armed yourselves, starting to fight off the Saxons as their leader demanded Danes and Christians be separated. You were unable to help, engaged in battle, but Young Uhtred gathered the Danes and begged Father Benedict to declare the church a sanctuary - thinking it would save lives.

It was only leading the Danes to slaughter.

The Saxon, Bresal, punched Father Benedict when he tried to stand in the way; his men holding Young Uhtred in the doorway to let their men enter the church the Danes were gathered in. They forced Young Uhtred to watch the massacre - men, women, and Danish children all slaughtered with no escape. No hope. No answer to a single prayer. Nobody to stop this bloody situation.

You fought on, Osferth, Finan, and Cynleaf doing their best to protect you by keeping you in the middle of their wee group. But you still got plenty of action.

"This is madness!" You cried out, slicing a man's throat open. "We need aid! We need more men!"

"This way!" Finan encouraged, "We must cut a path for Ingrith! Check the docks! Check the docks!"

You and Osferth ran towards the water, Cynleaf not far away. You searched for Ingrith, but you had no time to linger; engaged one-on-one again, forced to protect yourself and unborn baby. Not a minute later, you saw Ingrith on horseback, being stalled by a Saxon and for your husband to rush to her aid. He punched the man away from the horse, you hacking at another enemy, in time to see Osferth engaging with two Saxons - one being the leader, Bresal.

It all happened so fast.

You were already racing towards them when the unexpected. Osferth was battling on two fronts, holding Bresal at bay, fending off the other Saxon, screaming for Ingrith, who only managed a few paces before the Saxon's dogs spooked her horse. The noise was deafening; people screaming, crying, dogs barking, horses whinnying, swords singing as they clashed.

You watched it happen in slow motion.

You sprinted faster than ever before.

"INGRITH!" Osferth bellowed in worry when her horse reared back and dropped her to the dirt. It left an opening for Bresal to stab his dagger into Osferth's lung - freezing time and wrecking your world.

"NO!" You screamed, Bresal smirking at you and yanking his dagger free. Osferth wobbled, eyes wide as he met yours, the Saxon walking away as Osferth dropped to his knees. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Oh, God, no, no, you can't take him - not yet! Please, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no," You repeated, sliding on your knees in the dirt to catch him. "No, no, oh, my God, no, Osferth, no, please! Not now, not now, please, no, God, no! Don't do this! Please, please, please," you rambled, readjusting to better hold him, hearing Cynleaf and Finan yell for Baby Monk, too. You raged at God, "You can't take him yet! You can't have him! He's mine!"

But you heard nothing except your husband's labored breathing.

"An-Angel, angel, my angel," Osferth choked, wheezing and crying as he couldn't hold himself up and completely slumped back into your body. He pawed at your arms in an attempt to get closer.

"No, no, no, you're all right, you're okay, you're okay, my sweet love, you're all right," you insisted, hands stained in his blood as it poured from his wound. You knew it was essential to add pressure to a wound, but also, that this was all futile. Yet you needed to try. "Hey, hey, hey, look at me, just look at me, sweetheart, please, only look at me, nothing else matters," you pleaded with him in a rush, the lads sprinting to where you held your husband to your lap.

Nobody interrupted you.

"Where's the wound?" Osferth sobbed, trembling, blood spurting from his mouth; going paler by the minute. "Angel, please, the wound? Where's the wound?"

"No, no, no, don't worry 'bout that, hey? Don't you worry, you just keep looking at me," you sobbed, holding his neck and cradling him to your swollen belly. "Just at me, my love, okay? Just look at me - don't look anywhere else, okay? Nothing else matters."

"H-How bad? How ba-ba-bad-bad is i-it?"

"You're going to be all right," you lied to Osferth for the first time.

"Oh, my God, oh, my God," Osferth repeated through his tears and fears, "I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die."

He held onto you desperately, sobbing, you slowly rocking. "No, you're all right, Osferth, it's okay, just look at me." You caressed his cheek, smearing blood, but locking eyes. "My love," you whispered, "listen to me - "

"I don't wanna die, please, please, angel, my love, please," he coughed, holding your arm tightly as if it would give him life. "Don't let me die," he wheezed, "don't let me die, my love, please, please. Don't let me die, I don't wanna die. I-I wanna meet our baby, please, I want to meet our baby, I want to be a father. Don't let me die, love, please, I-I wanna be your husband longer - "

"You'll never not be my husband and you'll never not be a father, hear me?" You sniffled, trying to smile at him. "Don't you worry, you're gonna be okay, you're okay, Osferth. You'll always be my husband, nothing will change that - I swear."

Blood pumped with each beat of his frantic heart, making it gush over your fingers. You didn't even feel it.

"Please," he choked, more blood bubbling from his lips, "don't let me die, I don't wanna die. Don't let me die, please, not now, not when our baby isn't here yet, please, I just wanna meet 'em, be a family, I wanna stay with you, don't let me go. Please, don't let me go, I don't want t'go! Don't let me - "

"Shh, it's okay, you're okay. I'm here with you. I'm right here, Osferth, you're not alone, you're never alone. I'm here. I've got you. I'll always have you, I won't ever let you go. Never."

He sobbed harder. "I don't wanna leave you. Please, I don't wanna go, I don't wanna be without you - " But the words choked him, a splatter spraying across your face when he coughed; you didn't even flinch.

"Listen to me," you begged, "I commend you, my dear, sweet husband, to Almighty God, and entrust you to your Creator."

Finan was heard behind you, retching jarring sobs as you read Osferth his death rite prayer. "Don't let me die," Osferth begged still, as if you held that power.

He had always looked at you as if you hung the sun and stars, and now, as if you were his very reason for living. You hated God in that moment for forcing you two through this.

"May you return to Him who formed you from the dust of the earth. May Holy Mary, the angels," now, you choked on your words, emotion clawing your throat, but still continued, "and all the saints come to meet you as you go forth from this life. May Christ who was crucified for you bring you freedom and peace." You sobbed, "May Christ who died for you admit you into His garden of paradise. May Christ, the true Shepherd, acknowledge you as one of His flock. May He forgive all your sins, and set you among those He has chosen. Amen. Please, please, say amen, Osferth, say it, please!"

"A-Amen - Amen!" He coughed, trying to get closer to you, nestling into your warmth as he felt impossibly cold. "Don't leave me, don't leave me, please, please, I don't wanna go, I don't wanna be alone. I can't go without you, please, don't let me go - don't let me die, angel, please, I can't go without you. I-I’ve never been without you my whole life, I don’t wish to start now. I love you. I-I love you, please, don't let me go, I love you. I need you."

"You'll never be without me," you promised, face coated in blood, grime, dirt, and ash; all streaked with your tear tracks. "You will always be my husband, hey? Hear me? You're always gonna be with me, I will never be apart from you. I'll love you forever, Osferth, I won't ever stop." You felt your chest cave in as you sobbed, "Please, don't you leave me - "

But Osferth was wheezing and panting, only staring up at you. "I only need you," he whimpered, "I've only ever needed you, I can't do this without you. Please, I can't - I can't go without you. I don't want to leave you, I can't leave you, please!'

"So don't leave me," you sobbed, him still clawing at you in desperation. "I love you more than life, Osferth, please, don't leave me, okay? Don't go. I love you so much. Being loved by you was my greatest pleasure in this life, I want our child to know your love, too, Osferth, please, don't go."

"I-I wanna meet our baby, I wanna hold 'em, love 'em," he repeated. "Please, this can't be the end, don't let this be the end. W-We have so much more - we were supposed to have eternity together, my love, my angel, please! This isn't the end, I can't - I can't go without you!"

"You're okay," you soothed uselessly, rocking more prominently. "Just stay with me, my love, okay? Stay with me. Don't go. Only look at me, all right? You hear me?" You sniffled, caressing his cheek. "You're the best thing in my life, Osferth, yeah? Understand me? Where you're going, y-you'll be welcomed a hero, with open arms. You'll be my own angel. My real angel. The reason I keep going for our child. An-And you'll stay there just for a little while until I join you, okay? You'll watch over us, me and the baby, right? Our own angel? Hey? 'Cause you'll never be part from us - you'll never be apart from me. You and I are a forever sorta thing, we'll never be apart, we'll always be part of each other no matter what."

Osferth lost his words, eyes widening and pulling you closer.

You just soothed, "I'm here with you, my love. I'm here, I've got you. You're not alone, I'm right here, I have you. I've got you. I love you. I love you so fucking much, Osferth, okay? I love you more than anything, you're my everything. I love you," you sniffled, breaking down in worse sobs, repeating, "I love you, I love you, I love you so much, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry I wasn't faster, I love you, this shouldn't be happening. I'm so sorry, I should've come faster! I love you, I'm so sorry."

With his last breath, Osferth choked, "L-Love y-y-you."

"I love you," you hushed, bending at the waist to rest your forehead on his, "I love you so much. You're gonna be okay, you're gonna be all right, you'll be safe - where you're going, you'll be safe. I'm so sorry, my love... I'm so sorry."

You felt him go still. You felt the last of his breath exhale, his body deflate. You felt his soul detach from his body.

You froze.

"Oh, my God," you breathed, pulling back to look down at his petrified features. "Oh, my God, no, no, no. God, please, please, give him back," you sobbed, "give him back to me! Do not take him! It's not his time, you selfish cunt! Give him back! It wasn't supposed to end like this! Give him back to me, please! Please! This isn't how this was supposed to happen! We promised eternity together, please! Let us have that! Let us be together, give him back to me! I need him!"

Your shrill hysterics were heard all over Rumcofa.

Finan sobbed into his wife's arms behind you, Cynleaf knelt to slowly extend his hand onto your shoulder. "I'm so sorry," he offered, but you pushed him away harshly; knocking him into the dirt.

"No! I don't want your fucking condolences!" You snapped, holding Osferth tighter, "I want my husband! I want my husband back! Can you give him to me? Can you, Cynleaf? Can you give him back to me!?"

"No - "

"Then you have nothing to offer me! I want nothing else, nothing from you! I only want him!" You looked away from the young lad, finding Osferth's wide open eyes staring up at you. You whimpered, "I only need him, so, please. Please, give him back to me. Please. I need him, I need him, I can't do this without him, please, God, don't do this. You take so many lives, why add him to the mix!? Give him back! C'mon," you begged the cooling body, "c'mon, love, get up. Get up for me, please, just wake up. Come back to me, get up... Get up, Osferth, get up! Please! WAKE UP!"

But Osferth never moved. Never blinked. Never drew breath. And God never answered your pleas. Your dress was saturated in your husband's blood; a pooling puddle seeping into your knees, bodice drenched, his baby moving in your belly. You wailed into the still air, holding your husband tight to your chest; mouth agape to release the terrible screams of anguish, tears never ending, rocking on your knees. You didn't know what to feel... But devastation was prominent.

You wept until your throat went raw, jaw tender from your open mouth. "I'm so sorry!" You repeated, "I should've been quicker! I should've been at your side! You shouldn't have been alone! This is my fault! This is all my fault, I shouldn't have been away from you. I should've been with you, you did not deserve this end. Please! Forgive me, wherever you are, forgive me, I did not intend for this, I shouldn't have left you, I should've been at your side, I'm so sorry. This is all my fault, I'm so sorry."

"No," Ingrith whispered, "no, do not say this is your fault, you did nothing - "

"Exactly!" You snapped at her, eyes ablaze, her husband silent. "I did nothing, I wasn't with him! I wasn't where I was supposed to be! And he was stabbed because of you!"

Finan whispered your name in reprimand.

"No! How many times have you rode a fucking horse, Ingrith!? And now, today, the time it truly matters, you fall; you posed distraction," you sobbed, crumpling in on yourself. "He was distracted by your fall... This shouldn't've happened, this is all wrong!"

The trio just watched you, knowing your emotions were raw and unwavering, that your words did not have meaning because your husband had just died in your arms. Hours passed, you did not move. Hours passed, your husband did not return. Hours passed, and your heart shattered with each passing breath you selfishly drew.

Because living felt selfish now without Osferth.

"Sweet one," Finan whispered, the sun setting, "we should move him. Bring him to the church so Benedict can pray."

Your head shook, "No."

"Darlin', we have to - "

"No," you whimpered, "because if you take him to Benedict, it's real. If we move, he's truly gone... He can't be gone, Finan," you sobbed, meeting your friend's eyes. "If you move him, he's gone, I'm not ready to say goodbye, please. Please, don't take him from me."

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, "but he should be laid to rest."

"Don't take him from me," you begged, a new wave of tears starting. "I just - we were supposed to be a family. We were supposed to have this baby, and now, it's just me? This cannot be, so please, don't take him from me, I only need him back. Give him back to me, Finan, please, I can't be without him."

"I know," he nodded, gently encouraging you into his embrace. It meant you had to let go of Osferth, something you did slowly and gradually, leaning into the Irishman's chest. "All right, I got yah," he whispered, looking to his wife. "C'mon, stand with Ingrith. I'll carry him."

"Be gentle," you sobbed, feeling Ingrith grip your arms to help heave you to your feet; watching Finan scoop Osferth over his shoulder. The change of position made more blood splatter to the dirt, your heart stalling in your chest when you heard the mess.

You felt your soul shriveled and hidden somewhere deep in your chest, following as if in a trance. You watched Finan and Cynleaf slowly lower Osferth to the ground with the other dead Danes, feeling yourself drop to the ground in shock.

Seeing Osferth amongst the dead made it so much more real.

"It's all my fault," you sobbed, Finan moving to your side, "it's all my fault, I got him killed. I should've been quicker. This is my fault, my fault, I did this, 's my fault."

Finan knelt beside you, bringing your foreheads together to hold you tightly and let you sob into his embrace. "You didn't do this," he promised, "you did nothing wrong. You are not at fault. Do not carry this guilt."

You sobbed without reprieve.

Young Uhtred halted Father Benedict from praying over the Danes, telling the older man they had different customs, but looked back at you. He asked your name softly, wondering, "Do you wish for a prayer for... Him?"

Even Young Uhtred couldn't stomach the truth, avoiding using Osferth's name out of sheer disbelief.

"That'd be nice," Finan agreed, turning to sit beside you and hold you under his arm. You leaned into his embrace, head to his shoulder. "She read him his death rites when... It happened."

Young Uhtred nodded, bowing his head, leading, "Our Father, Who art in heaven, Hallowed be Thy Name. Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be done, On earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day, our daily bread, And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil."

Then, you joined from under Finan's heavy arm, sobbing through your words, "Hail Mary, Full of Grace, The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now, and at the hour of our death."

Benedict finished, "Glory Be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit. As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end."

Together, you, Ingrith, Young Uhtred, Benedict, Finan, and even Cynleaf ended, "Amen."

Feeling the most level-headed, Ingrith stepped in and directed the men; informing that Young Uhtred should lead the remaining Danes to Daneland, Finan and Cynleaf would meet Uhtred on the road, and she would accompany you to Wessex - where Osferth could be laid to rest at the place of his birth. Then, the people mourned together for their fallen.

Finan disagreed initially, telling his wife you were his responsibility now that Osferth was passed. But there was no way you could continue with the company, not in your pregnant state. Finan didn't like the idea of you being without him, considering you close to a sister; something of a best mate, someone he couldn't turn his back on - no matter the situation. However, he understood the predicament and finally agreed to part ways, but not before he untied Osferth's crucifix and latched it around your neck. At the gates of Rumcofa, before separating, Finan gifted you his rosary; thinking it might bring comfort in his physical absence.

Years from then, you would bring up a single son named Gabriel (a name your husband favored, a name benefitting an Angel) under Lord Uhtred in his birthplace of Bebbanburg. You never remarried. You never even so much as looked after another man with lust. Gabriel would grow into a handsome warrior and a devoted man of God, satisfied on tales about his father; being painted as a man of honor, integrity, and bravery. Osferth, too, was a man of God, a man of the sword, and a man of his word... Until the very end. And when your time came, you were brought back to Wessex to be laid to rest with your husband; your son having a son, naming him Osferth, and knowing, both his parents shined down on him in pride.

It was a comfort for everyone to know, somewhere in the afterlife, in God's warmth, you and Osferth were reunited; looking just as you did the day you parted from one another.

requesting rules and masterlist

[iscdisc]

Little bit of a 2012 rant / tangent with this one- LMAO

I genuinely loathe the writers of this show painting Za-Naron (The Aeon that was housed inside of the crystal that April was given during Season 4-) as this "evil entity" or "evil being" when I genuinely disagree-??

It makes me sad because I feel like Za-Naron was more of a victim than the show acknowledges? My biggest reason for thinking this is because of the fact that things seemed fine / copesthetic with Za-Naron while April was still in Space. I also think it helped that they didn't stay in one place / planet for too long during the Space Arc, which could have also prevented any corruption with Za-Naron during that timeframe. But then when April returns to Earth, of course she's going to stay there permanently / for a WAY longer amount of time because that's her home. The show even states that Earth (More specifically humanity-) was the sole cause of Za-Naron's deterioration (From basically, "City At War" to "The Power Inside Her"-). Za-Naron couldn't just leave, you know-?? She was essentially powerless and helpless during this time, and was ultimately forced to be corrupted,,

I'm not saying that this was entirely April's fault, because it's not like April can control the fact that Aeons are kind of fragile to environments that don't necessarily benefit them- But I do think her attachment to the Aeon crystal and the fact that she enjoyed the power boost that she got from Za-Naron's power did play a significant part in Za-Naron's downward spiral,,

I also wish April wasn't painted as such a victim in this entire situation, personally-?? I know a lot of people like to point out that Za-Naron's corruption was the biggest reason as to why April was acting "out of character", but personally I disagree for two reasons. One, we've seen April have shitty moments before the Aeon crystal was given to her in Season 4 (Not that the show necessarily likes to acknowledge them as bad moments from her- 🙄). So it's not like she's entirely innocent or incapable of having these types of reactions / bad attitudes, not to mention the fact that it rarely gets addressed by her friends at all (And if we're being speculative I personally think she knows that they don't call her out on anything-?? That's why I personally think it was so easy for her to keep the crystal despite everyone pretty much acknowledging that it was bad for her, because when she tells them to leave her alone, they actually listen. But let this be any other character than April and they would've forcefully taken that crystal away post haste, dude. 💀). And two, April's still human at the end of the day- I feel like she should've been allowed to be an asshole and it not be because of some outside influence-? I think this would have been a great way to stray away from this "perfect / flawless" persona that they like to associate with her character so badly. April should be allowed to have moments where she acts out and does things that are messed up simply because she's having an immature moment / she's clearly still is growing as a person. Just like everyone else.

That's what's super upsetting about this entire Aeon crystal Arc with April for me, because I feel like instead of these writers painting April as a victim (yet again) of an alien possessing her / it being a, "There was nothing she could have done- Oh no ! Poor April ! 😢" type of scenario, this Arc should have been about her having a really terrible moment as a character and growing from it / truly taking accountability and solving the issue herself. I think this should have been about her feeling weak and growing attached to the power and competence she gained from Za-Naron / Za-Naron's power. This would have made sense?? Not only could this have been a good callback to April during Season 2 when she was expressing frustration with the Turtles always helping her during combat (i.e. "The Kraang Conspiracy"-), but we also had this issue be revisited in the same Season with "City At War" and her feeling incompetent / not where she wants to be yet again (Which "City At War" this is a whole other can of worms, because I hate this episode too. They could have done so many things differently, and I don't know why they chose to do this episode the way that they did- 💀).

I guess to summarize, I think April should've properly owned up to the fact that she did mess up as well in this situation (Because I know Za-Naron was not entirely innocent and her way of thinking wasn't okay, but I'm not surprised by that given that she's an ancient alien species and probably has a very straightforward / tunnel vision kind of logic-) and Za-Naron maybe should have been sent back to Space / her home planet to recover from such a traumatic incident. Or something. 👍 Lmao

[writinginfinite]

we've been caught, might as well post it pt. 2

pt. one

remember when we started our relationship? You made me promise we would never go to bed upset. I know you’re not upset, but you’re probably confused or second-guessing everything

As you stepped off the elevator, the tension between you and Lewis eased; it was now a mix of anticipation and excitement. The two of you had just taken a significant step in your relationship. But despite that, there was still a nagging thought in your head: how long could you maintain your anonymity? You loved your career, having worked hard to be promoted to an executive position just months ago. You hadn't done all that work just to become known as "Lewis Hamilton’s girlfriend." 

“What’s going on in that head of yours? And don’t lie to me,” Lewis asked, setting the shopping bags down. You let out a deep breath as you walked slowly toward him, craving some reassurance.

With your arms wrapped around Lewis' waist, you mumbled into his chest, “Who said I was going to lie?” He gently lifted your chin, wanting you to meet his gaze, but you kept your eyes closed, not ready to face those familiar brown eyes just yet.

“Because I know—” 

“Yeah, yeah, you know me better than I know myself,” you interrupted, finishing his usual line. 

“Well, if you know that, why would you even think about lying to me?”

You let out a groan, signaling he won. “It’s just… Lewis, I…”

Words failed you as you finally looked into his brown eyes, feeling even more vulnerable and becoming distressed. 

“Let’s go shower and talk about this in bed,” Lewis suggested.

“It’s almost twelve-thirty in the morning. Let’s shower and talk about it later,” you countered.

Lewis quickly dismissed your suggestion, and you knew he was right.

“Remember when we started our relationship? You made me promise we would never go to bed upset. I know you’re not upset, but you’re probably confused or second-guessing everything. We’re not sleeping until we discuss this.”

“Now let’s go. I’ll start the shower. We can also wash your hair while we’re in there,” Lewis said, placing a kiss on your lips before walking away, not giving you a chance to protest.

//

You sat in bed, tapping on your phone as you waited for Lewis to join you. You were distracted until you saw a familiar tattooed hand gently grab your phone out of your hand. “Hey, I don’t want you reading social media yet, especially before we discuss everything.”

“Wait, give it back. I wasn’t looking at social media. I wanted to deactivate my LinkedIn. You can call me paranoid later.” LinkedIn was the only public account you had, detailing everything about your career and past—at least professionally. You wouldn’t put it past anyone to use any means necessary to figure out who you were.

Hearing the worry in your voice, Lewis immediately handed your phone back. “I understand. Let me finish getting ready, and I’ll be right back. Don’t fall asleep on me.” 

After ensuring your LinkedIn was deactivated, you double-checked to make sure your only other social media account, Instagram, was set to private. You also decided to change your profile photo, replacing a picture Lewis had taken of you at dinner with an off-guard shot he had taken of you admiring the sunset on the beach. 

As you placed your phone back on the nightstand, you began to wonder if this type of paranoia would become your new normal. 

“You know you can’t expect all the worries to disappear hiding under the blankets,” Lewis said as he got into bed with you. 

“Why can’t we just talk about this in the morning?” You questioned as you clinched the covers even closer to you. 

You suddenly saw a peak of light come under the covers. “Fine, if you wanna hide under the blankets, I’ll join you. But we’re not running away from this. Please look at me, tell me what’s in your head, my love?” Lewis said as he slid under the blankets next to you. 

This man knew what to say to make your worries melt away. Someone could tell you the world was ending, and all you had to do was look into those brown eyes and hear Lewis’ voice, to calm down. 

You couldn’t bring yourself to look into those brown eyes just yet. You needed to get everything out first. 

“Lewis,” you whispered his name into the covers. “I’m afraid. Of what, I’m not sure yet. I love you with every fiber of my being Lewis and trust you completely. It’s not you I’m worried about, it’s what outside our home I’m worried about. The things outside of my control. I’m scared of losing everything I’ve built up for myself. But God knows I want everyone to know the man I love.”

Finally, finding the courage to turn and look into those brown eyes filled with curiosity, you murmured, holding back tears, “It’s just that everyone already knows everything about the man I love.”

Lewis stared at you with a mix of empathy and protectiveness. His hand gently caressed your cheek. “Hey, listen to me,” he began softly. “People think they know everything about me, but they’re strongly mistaken. They know the driver, the public figure, what I choose to portray to them on the weekends. But they will never know me the way you do. They don’t know how I sing off-key in the shower or how I arrange my things in a certain order. They don’t know how badly I want to hear your voice or see you run in my direction and wrap your arms around me during a race weekend. Or how I love coming home, because seeing you calms me more than anything else ever could.”

Lewis brushed away a tear that fell from your eye. “Everything you just told me is 100% valid. Your happiness and sense of security are my number top priority. I don’t want you to worry because you know I will do everything in my power to protect everything you’ve built up. But most importantly, I’ll protect you. Love, I’m so proud of you. You’re my entire world.”

Lewis' voice was filled with tenderness. “I want to show you to the world. But I respect your boundaries, and we’ll only do so when you’re ready. Until then, it’s just us. Our love doesn’t need to be displayed to be real. It’s in every moment we share, every look, every touch.”

He leaned in and kissed your forehead. “We’ll take this at your pace. Never forget, I love you more than you’ll ever understand. I’ll be right here, every step of the way.”

“Okay,” was all you could say, mustering up a smile. This man did it again. 

“There’s that smile I love to see. Seriously, are you sure you’re okay? You’re not rushing because you want to go to bed?” Lewis questioned, refusing to go to bed until he knew things were completely fine between you both. 

“You told me what I needed to hear, and I trust everything you’ve said. In all honesty, I’ve trusted everything you’ve ever told me. Never have you given me a reason not to doubt you. I love you, Lewis,” you said, reassuring him. This time, you were the one to initiate a kiss. “Let’s go to bed now,” you pleaded because you were struggling to keep your eyes open. 

“Yes, come here,” Lewis said, pulling you closer and onto his chest. “Don’t need you grumpy while doing your hair later,” he mumbled. You were too tired to come up with a response, so you playfully kicked his leg, and the rest was a blur.

//

You woke up the next morning to an empty bed, the memories of hours ago slowly coming back to mind. You reached for your phone to check for any new notifications, but your phone was gone. All you found was your charger and a note with familiar handwriting.

“Good morning, my love. Looking for your phone? It’s in the kitchen with me. I don’t want you reading anything yet; you have a lot to do and are easily distracted …” 

You playfully rolled your eyes at that part. As the note continued, it read, “Don’t roll your eyes because you know I’m right. Now go get ready to start your day.”

“This man, MY man,” you said as you got out of bed, placing the note back on the nightstand. 

As you walked into the master bathroom, you saw a set of clothes laid out - the type of old clothes you wore just for hair wash day. An old t-shirt of Lewis and a pair of lounge shorts, with another note on the counter. 

“Breakfast is ready when you are. I’m downstairs. Also, check the second bathroom when you walk down the hall before coming downstairs,” 

You were at a loss for words. No matter how much Lewis had done for you, he always surprised you. You went through your daily routine and then put on the clothes Lewis had laid out for you. This time, you grabbed the note and walked over to place it on your nightstand with the first one. 

As you walked down the hall, you noticed the light was on in the second bathroom. It was odd because Lewis rarely kept on lights if no one was in the room, but then you remembered the note. As you walked in, you blurted out, “Aww, Lewis!” 

It was the simplest gesture. In the bathroom, he had laid out everything you’d need to braid your hair, along with your iPad set up with your comfort show - the one you always rewatched when you were doing your hair. 

You turned off the bathroom light and hurried down the stairs into the kitchen. There, you found Lewis with headphones on, making a cup of tea. You carefully tapped him to warn him of your presence, not wanting the hot tea to spill on either of you. 

Once he put the hot cup down, he turned around and removed his headphones. You then wrapped your arms around his waist, repeating, “I love you. I love you. I love you,” with your voice cracking. 

It was something so simple, but it gave you the extra reassurance you needed that everything he told you last night was true. 

“Well, good morning,” was all Lewis could say before you stood on your tiptoes to give him a kiss. “Yes, I rolled my eyes at your note,” you stopped him. 

Lewis then picked you up and placed you on the counter. “Oh, so you saw your notes and followed directions for once,” Lewis playfully teased. 

You tilted your head, questioning what you just heard. “For once? I always follow -" You couldn’t even finish your sentence before Lewis tilted his head, knowing what you said wasn’t true. 

“Well, okay, that one time when we -“ 

“Just one occasion you can remember? Want me to try and bring back some memories?” Lewis said as he grabbed you again, throwing you over his shoulder. 

“No, no, no,” you protested. “Okay, you’re right. Put me down, Lewis,” you laughed, kicking your feet in the air trying to fight his grip. 

“That’s what I thought,” Lewis said as he softly tossed you on the couch, now laying on top of you. 

He stared at you for what felt like hours but was only seconds before asking the same question he asked before bed last night, “Are you sure you’re okay?” while trying to read your face. 

“Yes, I’m fine. Well, not really,” you said, causing Lewis to sit up with a face of worry. “I'm not fine because I’m really hungry,” you finished your statement. This caused a sigh of relief from Lewis, followed by a laugh and now tickles. 

“Mercy, mercy, mercy,” was all you could say between squeals before Lewis stopped and sat you up, placing you on his lap. 

Lewis held your face in his hand, saying, “Well, I made you breakfast and tea, which is probably cold now. I can remake it if you’d like?” 

“Lewis, they make these things called microwaves. I will be fine.” 

“Feeling smart-mouth, are we this morning?” Lewis said with a quizzical look. “I’m kidding. I know your hair is an all-day affair, so I purposely planned my meetings for today, which may be an all-day affair because you know what next week is.” 

You let out a sigh, remembering the next three weeks were a triple header. Spanish, Austria, then Silverstone. Three weeks where you would only see Lewis over FaceTime, waking up and going to sleep in an empty bed and quiet house. Last year it was rough, but especially now that you’re living together in this big house, you knew it would be tougher. 

“Hey. Let’s take it day by day. I’m not leaving yet, so let’s not think about that. Getting grumpy for no reason,” Lewis said before kissing your forehead. 

“Now it’s 7:30 and my meetings start in thirty minutes. I’ll sit with you while you eat. Come on,” Lewis said, while guiding you back to the kitchen. 

“Can I please have my phone? I don’t care about reading things online. I wanted you to pick my braids.” 

“It’s over there on the countertop. Let me grab it. You eat.”

You had more messages than normal, but quickly swiped past them and to your photos. You gave Lewis two options: boho knotless braids or butterfly locs. 

He swiped between the two photos before deciding on the boho knotless braids, which you were hoping would be his first choice. 

As you got up to put your dishes in the sink, Lewis stopped you to take them from you before handing you your phone back.

“I got this. Go start on your hair. If you need anything, text me. I’ll be in my office for the majority of the day. Also, I already prepared lunch and started dinner. Don’t ask how long I’ve been up, sweetie.” Lewis placed a kiss on your lips before heading down the hall to his office. 

//

“You were right. Not using my phone helped me finish my hair in record time,” you said to Lewis as you both sat on the couch, eating ice cream before bed. 

“See, I told you. So, you can admit, I’m right- you are easily distracted,” Lewis responded with a smirk. 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” you admitted reluctantly. You told Lewis to stay put while you went to wash the final dishes you two had used. 

As you were putting the dishes away, you heard Lewis’ voice from a distance say, “It’s mostly all positive online. And don’t worry, no photos of you have been found. It’s all ‘Respect their privacy’”

"That's nice to know," you said while closing cabinets.

“The few people we’ve told, I’ve reminded them to not say a word. And I know we can trust them,” Lewis said, with him now behind you. 

“I know. I saw our friends’ texts and reminded them as well. I’m taking your word for it. I’m not going online anytime soon. I’ll be fine, Lewis. We’ll be fine,” you said, turning around to embrace him in a hug. You needed it because you knew in just a day he’d be off again, this time for a while. 

// SPANISH GP

You decided to work from home this Thursday, sitting in Lewis’ office even though you had your own. It had only been a couple of days since he left, and you started to wonder how you’d survive another 23 days without seeing him. You tried your hardest to never miss an opportunity to see Lewis on television.

It was super early, the sun barely up, and you hadn’t even turned on your laptop for work. Instead, you sat in Lewis’ office chair, watching the drivers’ press conference. You were wearing one of the many sweatshirts Lewis “mistakenly” placed in your closet before he left.

You took a quick selfie with his desk in the background. “Good afternoon, my love. Like my setup? Also, you ‘mistakenly’ left a couple of your sweatshirts in my closet when putting away laundry. So I’m claiming them for now. I love you and miss you.” You hit send before realizing the press conference had just started.

Lewis never had his sound on during these events, so you weren’t worried about him seeing it.

But you were wrong.

You watched live as Lewis pulled his phone out of his pocket. You looked at your phone as the message now said, “Read.”

You could see Lewis clicking on the photo, zooming in to figure out where you were. A huge smile formed on his face.

You thought Lewis was about to say something but realized he hadn’t heard the question. You frantically texted him, “LEWIS!!! They just asked you about your odds at Spain this weekend.”

Lewis could sense your panic through your text and was laughing, putting his phone on his lap. He was always calm when you felt he should be stressed.

As Lewis was picking up the mic, it picked up him whispering to himself, “Is she in my office? She found them,” before speaking directly into the mic, “I’m sorry. Did someone ask how I feel about my odds at Spain this weekend? I'm sorry I missed the question.”

The reporter responded, “Yes, that was the question. But if you want to tell us who’s in your office and what she found, that’d make for better reporting.” There was no hint of joking in the reporter’s voice. This reporter was known for trying to push Lewis’ buttons.

Your heart sank. You just hoped the man wouldn’t get to Lewis and that he wouldn’t say anything that would give them clicks.

The once joking face on Lewis turned serious. He moved to the edge of his seat. “Watch it. Don’t speak on her again.” The reporter retorted with, “We’ll figure out who, sooner or later.” You knew this had struck a huge nerve. Lewis said he’d protect you, and just days after that promise, people were coming for you.

You quickly typed out, “Lewis, please don’t give in. Ignore him, please. You’ll give them what they want. I’m fine. We’re fine. We’ll discuss this later. We’ll do this on our time.”

As Lewis was about to raise the mic to speak, his phone vibrating stopped him. You saw him read over your text, and you watched him nod his head, signaling he got your message.

“We’ll do this on our time. Now, to answer your question…” You were relieved when you heard Lewis move on.

All you could think was, “We’ll have to do this earlier than hoped.”

Immediately following the press conference, you received a text from Lewis. “I’m calling you in a few minutes.”

No “My love” or greeting—just a straightforward message. He was pissed.

//

You sat on FaceTime with an apologetic Lewis, trying to reassure him you were fine. It wasn’t a lie—he had done exactly what you’d hoped, keeping your name out of the press until you were ready.

“Silverstone,” you blurted out, confusing Lewis.

“Yes, Silverstone is the last race before I come home.”

“How about we make this known at Silverstone? We said we’d do this at our pace, and I don’t want it happening outside of our control. I want us to do it. So, Silverstone. I can come there on race day.”

For the first time in your relationship, you left Lewis speechless.

“Did you lose service? Are you still there?”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to rush this. I don’t want you to feel obligated.”

“Lewis, I promise you, I’m fine. I want to do this now. How about this: if you’re on the podium, I’ll be there waiting for you. Otherwise, we’ll keep things under wraps.”

“As if I needed any extra motivation to get a win or be on the podium. I’ll get things together; you focus on work. I’ll keep this as low profile as possible. I love you so much and can’t wait to see you. And, hopefully for the first time, have you there after a win or podium.”

// SILVERSTONE

You sat in the Mercedes hospitality area, trying your hardest to blend in as a fan on a solo trip. “Come on, Lewis,” you kept saying as he tried to overtake for P2.

The only person who knew who you were was Rosa, the one person in the garage Lewis trusted to stay silent.

You, along with everyone in hospitality, clapped with excitement as you saw Lewis pull into P3 in parc ferme. You looked down at your phone to see a text: “It’s Rosa. Meet me at the exit. I’ll walk you to the team. You’ll need more credentials. He did it! I know he can’t wait to see you!”

You quickly got up, straightened your dress, and found Rosa. In hand, she had your extra credentials and walked you to the front of the barricades, to the confusion of the team members.

As Lewis made his way to the team, he made eye contact with you.

“You’re here!” Instead of jumping towards his team, he grabbed you into a hug, slightly picking you up. At that moment, everything went silent—it was just you and him. You couldn’t let go, but you knew you had to.

You were up front as you watched the podium celebration. Cameras were in your face as Lewis was handed his trophy, but you didn’t care. You weren’t worried if people figured out who you were anymore; all that mattered was that you could finally celebrate alongside him.

Once the podium celebration was over, Rosa quickly grabbed you and took you back to Lewis’ motorhome. She tried to be discreet, but there was no hiding you anymore. You followed her, giving her a hug as you walked, finally introducing yourself.

“Trust me, I know who you are. I’m the only person he talks about you to, and all I can say is, this man loves you.”

“He should be inside. I’ll leave you two,” Rosa said before walking off.

You walked in to see Lewis sitting on the couch, changed into a team shirt and pants before heading to his final press conference. He immediately jumped up to hug you, whispering words of affirmation.

“You did it! At your home track as well!” You couldn’t stop smiling. “You have a press conference to go to. I’ll be here when you get back!”

“I love you,” Lewis said before running out to the press conference.

// PRESS CONFERENCE

You sat on the couch, watching the press conference. Lewis started off by saying, “Yes, that was her. That’s all I’ll say about her until she’s ready.”

//

author's notes: part two of "we've been caught, might as well post it" sorry imagine part x is taking awhile.

3.8K words. need to proofread again.

[nofomogirl]

Good Omen's problem with having two canons

They're fundamentally different. That's the problem. That's my point.

For quite a while I focused almost exclusively on the new season of Good Omens, but now I am slowly delving into analysis that takes the entire show into account, and I've encountered a little obstacle. Namely, things from S1 can be really tricky to interpret.

Fair warning: this post is going to zig-zag between various points but I want you to trust me and take this scenic route with me. It will take us somewhere eventually, I promise.

The Arrangement

It's one of the core elements in the Good Omens universe and at the same time a perfect example of the issue I want to discuss. So let's have a closer look together.

In the book, the Arrangement is presented to us in two passages:

the first one, where it is first - very briefly - mentioned:

Aziraphale had tried to explain [free will] to him once. The whole point, he'd said - this was somewhere around 1020, when they'd first reached their little Arrangement - the whole point was that when a human was good or bad it was because they wanted to be.

and the second one, where it is properly introduced and explained:

The Arrangement was very simple, so simple in fact, that it didn't really deserve the capital letter, which it had got for simply being in existence for so long. It was the sort of sensible arrangement that many isolated agents, working in awkward conditions a long way from their superiors, reach with their opposite number when they realize they have more in common with their immediate opponents than their remote allies. It meant a tacit non-interference in certain of each other's activities. It made certain that while neither really won, also neither really lost, and both were able to demonstrate to their masters the great strides they were making against a cunning and well-informed adversary. (...) And then, of course, it had seemed even natural that they should, as it were, hold the fort for one another whenever common sense dictated. Both were of angel stock, after all. If one was going to Hull for a quick temptation, it made sense to nip across the city and carry out a standard brief moment of divine ecstasy. It'd get done anyway, and being sensible about it gave everyone more free time and cut down on expenses.

In the show, the Arrangement is presented to us in two original scenes in the cold opening of S1E3:

(I am quoting most relevant dialogues only)

537 AD, Wessex:

C: So we're both working very hard in damp places and just canceling each other out? A: Well, you could put it like that. It is a bit damp. C: Be easier if we both stayed home. If we just send messages back to our head offices saying we'd done everything they'd asked for, wouldn't it? A: But that would be lying. C: Eh, possibly, but the end result would be the same. Cancel each other out. A: But my dear fellow... well, they'd check. Michael's a bit of a stickler. You don't want to get Gabriel upset with you. C: Oh, our lot have better things to do than verifying compliance reports from Earth. As long as they get paperwork they seem happy enough. As long as you're being seen doing something every now and again. A: No! Absolutely not! I am shocked that you would even imply such a thing. We're not having that conversation, not another word!

1601 AD, The Globe Theatre:

A: I have to be in Edinburgh at the end of the week. A couple of blessings to do. A minor miracle to perform. (...) C: I'm meant to be heading to Edinburgh too this week. Tempting a clan leader to steal some cattle. A: Doesn't sound like hard work. C: That's why I thought we should... Well, bit of a waste of effort, both of us going all the way to Scotland. A: You cannot actually be suggesting what I infer that you are implying. C: Which is? A: That just one of us goes to Edingburgh, does both. The blessing and the tempting. C: We've done it before. Dozens of times now. The Arrangement- A: Don't say that! C: Our respective offices don't actually care how things get done. They just want to know they can cross it off the list.

S2 doesn't actually reference the Arrangement. But it does reuse the dialogue about free will where the 1020 date is dropped. We will get back to it.

The challenge of adapting Good Omens

Good Omens shares a certain characteristic with all of Terry Pratchett's solo books I've read - it couldn't care less about "showing instead of telling". Which I love, just to be clear. A book is a written medium. It's made with words and one of words' major strengths is that you can use them to just tell things point blanc.

Good Omens does it a lot and it's fantastic.

Look at that second passage from the book I quoted earlier.

From just those few sentences we learn a lot about the relationships between:

Heaven and Hell (opponents and competition)

Aziraphale and Crowley (two individuals in the same position and in direct contact with each other)

Aziraphale/Crowley and Heaven/Hell (field agent and a remote HQ that are not in direct contact)

Aziraphale/Crowley and Earth (two individuals and a space they live in)

Heaven/Hell and Earth (a board where the game is played, only winning or losing matters, what actually happens on a board does not)

It's really an extra condensed worldbuilding gem sprinkled with humor, so it's no surprise it's become one of the most iconic passages from the book.

I mean, just browse through some interviews with David and Michael - especially the ones from 2019 - where they explain what Aziraphale and Crowley are about. You'll be hard-pressed to find any where they don't reference that specific paragraph, consciously or otherwise.

But it's only this neat on the pages of the book, where narration like this takes mere seconds to absorb. It's impossible to convey the same information in a visual medium with anywhere near the same efficiency.

The fact that the majority of Good Omens is like this was, in my opinion, a main challenge the adaptation faced. The book is very narration-heavy. It's full of fun facts about characters, side jokes, hilarious comments, etc. Some of that precious material was salvaged by introducing God as a narrator, but there was only so much of it you could squeeze into a TV show. The rest had to either be fit into dialogues or lost in translation from the written medium to the visual one.

Obviously, in the case of the Arrangement, it was the dialogues.

Book canon and show canon

We all know they're not the same. Neil Gaiman also pointed it out several times. But I think our mistake is that we still tend to think about them as complementary.

Look at the Arrangement again. The show canon seems to merely expand on the book canon. Add extra details and fill in the blanks. The Arrangement works the exact same way, except now we also know more about how it started.

If we compile what we know from the book with what we know from the show, we get a more detailed timeline:

Crowley first proposes the Arrangement in 537 (show).

The Arrangement starts in 1020 (book), ie. Aziraphale finally agrees to it (show - deduction); we don't know for sure if it's a "basic version" (not getting in each other's way), or a "full version" (doing each other's jobs) but we can assume it's the former.

In 1601 "full version" of the Arrangement is in place for some time (they've done it dozens of times) but Aziraphale still objects and needs convincing.

But read that description from a book once more.

Does it really fit into the version of events shown in the TV series?

The Arrangement in the book is something that just happened. A natural, and in a way inevitable result of Aziraphale and Crowley's circumstances. We are never told who came up with it first because it doesn't matter. Because it could have been either of them. Because after five millennia on Earth, they were both ready to do it. They were both of the same mind. For all we know it might have been an unspoken agreement all along!

But for the show, the creators had to come up with a good reason for the Arrangement to be discussed out loud. And what could be a more natural situation for someone to describe and explain an idea than trying to sell that idea to someone else?

For that practical reason - among many others, no doubt - the Arrangement is not only explicitly Crowley's idea, but an idea Aziraphale vehemently rejects at first. He needs to be convinced and even when he finally relents he's never entirely comfortable with it. He keeps objecting and it requires Crowley's constant effort for them to keep cooperating in any way.

The fact that Aziraphale is reluctant gives Crowley a perfect reason to keep convincing him ie. talk about the Arrangement. But the fact that he needs to explain and keep convincing Aziraphale means that Aziraphale is no longer a person who understands the same things and feels the same way.

That is a huge change.

Of course, you may say that what I've written about the Arrangement in the book is just my interpretation. It's true that technically there's nothing there that would contradict the events from the show in any way. The thing is, the events in the show aren't very compatible with the overall characterization of the ineffable duo in the book.

Evolution of Aziraphale and Crowley

You might have read that our leading pair was originally conceived as a single character that Neil and Terry eventually decided to split into two separate individuals.

My reaction when I first learned about it was: "Of course they were! That makes so much sense!" Because honestly, as a person who watched the show first and then read the book, I was surprised at how few differences there were between the two in the original text. If you squint your eyes really tight, you can see how book!Aziraphale and book!Crowley are two versions of the same character. They're far more similar than their show versions.

Most importantly, their attitudes toward Heaven and Hell are pretty much identical. Perfectly mirrored in every regard. What Hell is for Crowley, Heaven is for Aziraphale. What Hell is for Aziraphale, Heaven is for Crowley. In. Every. Possible. Way.

Allow me to present some evidence from the book.

Exhibit #1: the end of the scene where Crowley convinces Aziraphale to interfere with Warlock's upbringing

'You're saying the child isn't evil of itself?' he said slowly. 'Potentially evil. Potentially good too, I suppose. Just this huge powerful potentiality, waiting to be shaped,' said Crowley. He shrugged. 'Anyway, why're we talking about this good and evil? They're just names for sides. We know that.' 'I suppose it's got to be worth a try,' said the angel. Crowley nodded encouragingly. 'Agreed?' said the demon, holding out his hand. The angel shook it, cautiously. 'It'll certainly be more interesting than saints,' he said. 'And it'll be for the child's own good, in the long run,' said Crowley. (...)

When Crowley first points out that good and evil are just names for sides, and then insists it's something they both know, Aziraphale doesn't react in any way. That's because these aren't things that book!Aziraphale disagrees with. He does indeed know it and doesn't deny it.

Also, please note just how cynical the angel is here with his comment that influencing the Antichrist would be a more interesting project than influencing saints!

Both would be rather OOC for show!Aziraphale.

Exhibit #2: the scene just after Warlock Dowling's birthday party, when it becomes evident he is not the Antichrist

'You said it was him!' moaned Aziraphale (...) 'It was him,' said Crowley. (...) 'Then someone else must be interfering.' 'There isn't anyone else! There's just us, right? Good and Evil. One side or the other.' He thumped the steering wheel. 'You'll be amazed at the kind of things they can do to you, down there,' he said. 'I imagine they're very similar to the sort of things they can do to you up there,' said Aziraphale. 'Come off it. Your lot get ineffable mercy,' said Crowley sourly. 'Yes? Did you ever visit Gomorrah?' 'Sure' said the demon. 'There was this great little tavern where you could get these terrific fermented date-palm cocktails with nutmeg and crushed lemongrass-' 'I meant afterwards.' 'Oh.'

Can you imagine this kind of exchange in the TV series? Can you imagine show!Aziraphale being this realistic about Heaven, and show!Crowley so naive about it? There's no way.

Show!Aziraphale genuinely believes that Heaven is good at its core.

Book!Aziraphale knows Heaven isn't any different than Hell and would punish him just as ruthlessly and unfairly as Hell would Crowley.

Show!Crowley understands both Heaven and Hell on a very deep level and is highly aware of their true nature.

Book!Crowley buys a piece of celestial propaganda about ineffable mercy and actually expects Heaven to be forgiving.

Let the magnitude of that difference sink.

Exhibit #3: same scene, a bit further

'So all we've got to do is find it,' said Crowley. 'Go through the hospital records.' The Bentley's engine coughed into life and the car leapt forward, forcing Aziraphale back into the seat. 'And then what?' he said. 'And then we find the child.' 'And then what?' The angel shut his eyes as the car crabbed around the corner. 'Don't know.' 'Good grief.' 'I suppose (...) your people wouldn't consider (...) giving me asylum?' 'I was going to ask you the same thing. (...)'

This is just a cherry on top, really.

Yes, in the book, when things go pear-shaped, both Aziraphale and Crowley consider seeking asylum on the opposite side.

Do you need more proof that book canon and show canon really aren't as compatible as they may seem?

Free will

As promised, let's get back to that dialogue because while it may not be obvious at first glance it really illustrates perfectly the problem arising from balancing between two canons.

Here is the full quote from the book:

Aziraphale had tried to explain [free will] to him once. The whole point, he'd said - this was somewhere around 1020, when they'd first reached their little Arrangement - the whole point was that when a human was good or bad it was because they wanted to be. Whereas people like Crowley and, of course, himself, were set in their ways right from the start. People couldn't become truly holy, he said, unless they also had the opportunity to be definitively wicked. Crowley had thought about it for some time and, around about 1023, had said, Hang on, that only works, right, if you start everyone off equal, OK? You can't start someone off in a muddy shack in the middle of a war zone and expect them to do as well as someone born in a castle. Ah, Aziraphale had said, that's the good bit. The lower you start, the more opportunities you have. Crowley had said, That's lunatic. No, said Aziraphale, it's ineffable.

And here, for comparison, is how it was reused in S2E3:

A: There is a stolen body in that barrel! This is wicked! C: Oh, I'm down with wicked! Anyway, is it wicked? She needed the money. A: That is irrelevant. Look, I am good. You, I'm afraid, are evil. But people get a choice. You know, they cannot be truly holy unless they also get the opportunity to be wicked. She is wicked. C: Yeah, that only works if you start everyone off equal. You can't start someone off like that and expect her to do as well as someone born in a castle. A: Ah, but no, no. That's the good bit. The lower you start, the more opportunities you have. So Elspeth here has all the opportunities because she's so poor. C: That's lunacy. A: No, that's ineffable.

I'll be honest with you - I didn't like that scene in the show. It felt jarring and off. Aziraphale was acting like it was his first day on Earth and it was frustrating to watch.

Then, on one of the rewatches, just as I was rolling my eyes at "that's ineffable", a bulb lit in my brain. That line didn't work there because it wasn't created to be there! In the book and in S1 "it's ineffable" was kind of Aziraphale's catchphrase but in S2 it only appears this once. More importantly, in the book and S1, the fact that the angel would say that was all a build-up to the scene when he threw it in Heaven's face at the Tadfield Airbase. Using that word in S2 was like trying to make a running joke that has already reached its destination run again.

And just like that one line the entire dialogue didn't fit because it wasn't meant to be there. It was created for an entirely different context.

What's the difference?

Firstly, book!husbands' conviction was very shallow and it wasn't uncommon for both of them to spout slogans without meaning them. Therefore, book!Aziraphale's words didn't carry that much weight. The very fact that the conversation took place at the same time they formed the Arrangement tells us something about how serious he was. But show!Aziraphale's relationship with his beliefs is different, so when he says things like that it's a much bigger deal.

Secondly, the book explicitly states that Aziraphale and Crowley only developed free will on Earth, due to extended exposure to mankind. The show never really makes a stand on the matter but based on what we've seen so far I think we can safely assume that angels and demons are capable of making their own choices as much as humans do.

In other words, in its original context, the conversation was just Aziraphale talking about a concept he didn't fully grasp, quoting propaganda he didn't fully subscribe to. He was being ignorant and mildly obnoxious in an endearing way.

But using the same dialogue verbatim in the Resurrectionist carried a completely different meaning. Aziraphale who utters it in the show has no reason to be so ignorant about free will. Aziraphale who utters it in the show genuinely tries to defend Heaven. Most importantly, Aziraphale who utters it in the show, doesn't just idly bicker with his friend about general things but is judging an actual human individual that's right in front of them. That, more than anything else, makes it sound heartless and ignorant.

What is the problem with having two canons, exactly?

It's time to wrap things up.

In the opening paragraphs, I've mentioned that I've noticed the issue while interpreting scenes from S1, and yes, that was the case and I do believe that the existence of two canons is especially problematic for S1. That's because pretty much every scene in S1 is potentially like that dialogue about free will in S2, except subtler and harder to spot.

A grand majority of what we see and hear in S1 comes directly from the book. But while words and actions were kept, in some instances things that gave them their original meaning might no longer be valid in the show universe. Sometimes they easily take new meaning, and we don't even notice. But sometimes there's this dissonance that's not as easy to work around.

S1 deviated from the book and created its own canon. But the difference didn't seem to go very deep and it seemed perfectly reasonable to use some trivia from the book to shed some extra light on the content of the show. I used to do it in my head, even though I was aware of the changes that were made.

But S2 expanded the show canon so far beyond what was in the book that I'm really not sure it makes sense to compile them anymore.

There are a lot of things that were only explicitly stated in the book that I keep clinging to. But perhaps it's time to let go...

Thank you for your patience.

I know all of the above isn't exactly a revolutionary discovery, but I needed to get it off my chest before writing anything else.

[justiceamberheard]

''Who Trolled Amber'' podcast

The highlights of each episode from the podcast. You can listen to it on Spotify, Youtube etc. EPISODE 1.

The outcome of the trial definitely damaged #METOO movement;

There were 80k of anti Amber Heard tweets, more than anti JD tweets even though AH was the one who accused him of abuse;

There's no way it was all organic, they either bought bots or those were real people pretending to be JD's supporters;

According to Jennifer Robinson, one of AH lawyers from the UK trial, Amber'd never wanted to relieve what had happened to her during the relationship;

Jennifer thought it'd be easier to win the US than in the UK;

The information about bots were thrown out way before the trial hence Ron Shnell couldn't talk about in the courtroom; EPISODE 2.

According to Ron Shnell there was a bot campaign against AH but he wasn't 100% sure because the judge struck out that research;

Kathryn Arnold shared that AH wasn't allowed to be a part of Aquaman 2 promotion tour and was banned from posting anything Aquaman related;

KA also said that AH couldn't audition, no one would hire her and that the agents were told not to touch her[AH]; EPISODE 3

The podcast creators asked experts(Kai-Cheng Yang) to check the date that was given by Ron Shnell;

According to the data: many accounts with no followers had tweets with more than 5k retweets/likes; hundreds of identical tweets were posted in one day; many accounts liked 400k tweets; 10k of identical comments were left under AH youtube videos; many accounts change their tune(from right wing Chile politics) and out of nowhere started to post pro JD tweets; half oh the data/accounts/tweets were generated by inauthentic accounts and then the real accounts started to engage with those tweets etc. it all started in November 2020 when JD lost the UK case and was fired from Fantastic Beasts; EPISODE 4

Cameron Herrin case was mentioned, more specifically the sudden interest and pro CH posts on TikTok asking to reduce his sentence and that he is innocent. Most of the accounts that were spreading those posts were from Middle East; EPISODE 5

Some Arabic twitter accounts suddenly started to tweet Pro JD tweets in English during and after the US trial;

The friendship betweet Johnny Depp and prince Mohammed was mentioned(him financing JD directorial movie Modi); EPISODE 6

Adam Waldman worked for Lavrov as a consultant for years(2010-2017);

During the deposition Adam Waldman refused to answer more than 70 questions;

Alexi Mostrous tried contacting ''the internet journalists'' aka TUG and ThatBrianFella but they didn't answer; he also pointed out that the audios that were posted by ThatBrianFella were clearly edited(we know);

Mostrous also tried to call Adam Waldman but he didn't pick up the phone and 25 minutes later posted a tweet:

“He[Adam Waldman] attacked witnesses, he attacked us (legal team)..unlike anything I have ever seen from a lawyer” said Jennifer Robinson. ''Amber Heard wrote an Op-ed for Washington Post which is a very respected publication and Johnny Depp's name isn't in it. It told to survivors if this can be done to a woman whose actually well-known and well-established person in the industry, it's gonna be even worse for you.'' All-in-All, it's clear as day that Waldman was behind the bot campaign against Amber. We've known that but it's good that a popular podcast researched about it and shed a light on it. Plus it's always great to see JD fans being nervous and panicky.

[zingay]

Do not conflate Jewish people with Israel and do not conflate Palestinians with Hamas. Criticising the Israeli government + military and Hamas is completely fair, but you must criticise both for their actions. Don't pin everything that's happening on Hamas alone like I'm seeing people do because everything Hamas does is immediately linked to the Israeli government.

Israel's cruelty created Hamas, and Netanyahu funded and uplifted them to power to get rid of other "more acceptable" Palestinian groups like the PLO to prevent the creation of a Palestinian state. This serves the purpose of turning the world against Palestine and to separate Gaza and the West Bank. They then forced Gaza into an open-air prison, and no election has been held since 2006 to allow the Palestinian people of Gaza to choose their representatives.

X (paid article) X

Palestinian people have attempted peaceful negotiations and protests in the past, the most notable being the 2018 protest, The Great March of Return. Protests that took place on Fridays to fight for the right to return to their stolen homes and to end the illegal blockade of Gaza (which remains to this day). Israel responded with violence, using snipers to kill and injure protestors. Many women and children were killed or disabled as a result.

X X

Many Jewish people in and out of the state of Israel are antizionist and do not support the occupation of Palestine. This has been the cause of many raids by the Israeli police. Jewish people around the world have spoken up and protested against the Israeli government, calling zionism itself antisemitism.

X X X (highly recommend going through this account)

No matter what the Israeli government cosplays as, it will never be a democracy or a safe place for Jewish people if people are not allowed to protest or criticise the government. Netanyahu's approval continues to drop after months of protest against the proposal to reduce the power of the Supreme Court, giving more power to the government. This has been destroying the illusion of Israel as a democratic state.

X

X

This part is purely based on my snd others' suspicions as it is based on much more recent events and information, but also past actions of the Israeli government. But considering the warning that Israel has received from Egypt days before the October 7th attacks (X), and the sudden change in location of the Universo Paralello Festival 2 days before the event (X), you might question if this was on purpose to both distract from the Israeli's protests and police raids against them and get rid of the Palestinians.

Standing with Palestine is standing against zionism and genocide. Standing with Israel is standing with violence and antisemetism.

We will get nowhere if we continue allowing people to believe all Palestinians are terrorists and that all Jewish people are zionists. We can deal with groups like Hamas later. We can deal with violent zionists later. As we've seen, none of this can be done humanely before Palestine is freed.

[megabuild]

bit of a ramble below! tl:dr; i have insane person problems and realised that this blog isn't healthy for me so won't be coming back until i'm in a better place, i have no intent on deleting it but may password protect it in the coming days for my own peace of mind :P love yall!

the absolute basics on my situation is that i almost certainly have OCD, have been vocal about this likelihood in the past, and while i was aware i was susceptible to obsessions and compulsions irt online interactions and my posts on here i was not actually aware of how debilitating the effect this was having on my life was until i went completely cold turkey and blocked tumblr from all my devices. like genuinely night and day. i have so much more free time when i'm not spending it constantly name searching on every platform available and scrolling through my blog over and over to be sure that i didn't post a slur by accident lol. i'd rather not get into some of the stupider details of shit ive done in the name of perceived moral purity because that's nobody's business but trust me when i say it was like a weight got lifted off my fucking shoulders lol like i was having regular delusions about making a post so bad grian himself would say i should kill myself on stream and believing it was possible 😭 really good disorder guys i love having this

i have a lot to say about the way this community treats each other, both good and bad, but i think i'd rather hold off and make more informed and thought out posts on that when i'm not still reeling from all the bullshit life's been throwing at me. i do love and value this community so much, especially all the mutuals and friends i've made here. i've also been made extremely uncomfortable in the past by the easiness that people slip into very strange relationships not just with CCs but with their fellow bloggers. including me ! and i am a relatively small blogger in the vast scheme of things. this is no hate to anyone who's sent an anon or whatever, many of you are lovely people, but it's also like, well i have been literally stalked on this blog before so i feel i have justification for being a tad uncomfortable . again, a lot to be said on the celebritification of average people and the obsession on making sure one makes "Objectively Correct" choices when doing something as simple as watching a minecraft series and having opinions on it .. but alas, no brain for it right now, and also i would rather not risk the ire of twitter teenager #48 lest i be qrted by thumbnail artists telling me to lighten up and accept the steady decay of all that is good in this sphere in order to make room for more #Content. Sit down and eat your yaoibait you stupid faggot! sorry this is a serious post ignore that part

to any of my beloved oomfies you are free to message and ask for my discord though i am also being a bit difficult to reach over there rn my bad (and i may not get back to you quickly because as soon I post this I am logging straight the fuck back out).. i have made a separate tumblr account from this one which is less social media and more a little archive of images and art i like (and also is not related to mcyt at all, outside of maybe one or two art reblogs if i see something that really catches my eye) so if we've hung out and you don't exclusively post mcyt you might see me around in your notifs but i'd prefer not to be linked back here. any projects, fics, other blogs etc. i have been working on consider on pause for eternity, with the only exclusions being 3rd life miraheze (which i'm currently looking into options for but will certainly never go away! much love still to all our contributors who have worked tirelessly through wild life to update our various spreadsheets and tables) and aoyuer which i'm sort of picking up and taking away and hitting with hammers until it's sufficiently divided from mcyt and i can call it an oc story for real. peep my toyhouse if ye are so inclined and wont tell the adoptbrained callout squads over there that my oc once upon a time was lowkey rpf.

anyway this has already gotten far too long as i'm a chronic yapper and overexplainer but thank you very much for hanging out with me and talking about these stupid ass blocks. i have a handful of posts in the queue i wont be getting rid of and don't doubt i will come back to chat more shit in future but at the end of the day i'm here to have a fun time on the computer and i just was not having that anymore. i was having a scary and fucked up time on the computer, and life is too short to put yourself through that out of some butchered sense of responsibility to the niche follower base you've cultivated. if you also have ocd delete your blog as soon as it hits 1k like actually. if you worked in the askbox mines and are now facing redundancy then go follow my enemy thecoolerliauditore. or dont im not your boss anymore. im too busy homebrewing my 3ds. smooches mwahs !!!!!!!!!

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Well if given how the anime will adapt the Manga, it makes me wonder about the savanaclaw adaptation given how many delays due to the artist's personal life that octavinelle Manga came around and is now have overblot Chapter before Savanaclaw does. I wonder if the author will have time to finish it and given how heartslabyul will release in October 2025, it might take awhile to animate savanaclaw.

[Referencing this news!]

Decided to put these together because the topics were similar enough and I have similar advice for both asks. To briefly clarify the second ask, I believe the Anon made a typo and meant to say "Yana Toboso was NOT involved in the anime's production". This is because Yana made a tweet recently stating that she and her team were surprised and honored that they were making an anime adaptation based on the manga.

Now, about the first ask: we are not aware of what the manga and anime creation process looks like for Twst. Yes, the Savanaclaw manga has had a number of delays, but we cannot be sure if this impacts the anime at all. For example, we don't know how much of the Episode of Savanaclaw anime is even done yet. We don't know if the anime team is going to be in talks with the mangaka to coordinate things. We don't know when the Episode of Savanaclaw will air (and for all we know, it could give the mangaka ample time to finish up). There are many things we do not know, so it would be VERY hasty to conclude anything now.

Regarding the second ask: Yes, it does seem like Yana had no involvement in the anime. This, however, should NOT be taken as an immediate sign that the anime will be poor quality or that the anime will deviate from the main story in large (and bad) ways. Nothing of the news we've heard so far would indicate any sweeping changes. This is equating a past occurrence with something that has yet to even happen without even knowing if the production circumstances are even the same between them. The only thing we know that is linking the animes of early Black Butler and Twst is Yana's lack of involvement. This doesn't account for ANY other factors in production, and it's also assuming that Yana's mere presence makes a product good--and, conversely, her absence automatically makes a product bad. I don't think this is the way to go, as it's jumping to conclusions based on minimal evidence and it's putting way too much weight on Yana's shoulders to carry the quality of the Twst anime.

And that brings me to the thread linking together not just these two asks, but a lot of the anime-related posts and asks that I've been seeing as of late: fearmongering and doomposting. Lots of it.

As I’ve said multiple times now, it's fine to be hesitant about the anime. I'm hesitant of it myself! However, let’s not draw preemptive conclusions or fret over what are ultimately hypotheticals. It’s so far off, and we have zero of the actual final product to look at and judge the quality of. I'm seeing so many people make mountains out of molehills, working themselves up over nothing, assuming the worst-case scenarios... 💦 and again, all of this based on little to no information. I can't help but that time and energy could be better spent on other fandom efforts or things we actively enjoy. It's valid to be anxious about the anime and how it presents something we care so much about, but putting those feelings in a public space paints the fandom in a bad light. It gives the impression that we'll jump the gun and claim something is bad before letting the product speak for itself. If you're a current Twst fan that is excited for the anime, it may not feel so good seeing others theorizing about how bad it will be. If you're a potential new Twst fan seeing this stuff, you'd feel very unwelcome or unwanted. I worry this will fester and create divides in the community... unintentionally creating an environment that isn't fun to be in, and that's the antithesis of what I think fandom should be. I guess I'll end on this note: There is a difference between being healthily skeptical and assuming the worst of a production. Please take a moment to reexamine your concerns about the anime and ask yourself "Is this a reasonable fear?", "What am I basing this off of?", and, "How, if at all, will this affect my own enjoyment of Twst?" If it gets to be too much for you, then please, please step away from social media (where a lot of these fears are being touted) and take a break. Do something you like, take a walk, whatever. I just beg of you, don't allow yourself to be consumed by feelings that will bleed the fun of fandom out of you 💦

[yan-lorkai]

Chapter One: The Deities City

☆ A/N: Finally the first chapter is done, I've been working on this since last halloween but the idea was not developed enough back there so I didn't said anything till I had thought of a good, coherent plot. I said before that this was inspired by movies like Jeepers creepers and Midsommar and it's true. But this take a lot of influence of Setealem too, which is a brazilian legend where sometimes you enter another dimension without knowing through an invisible portal and, if you're lucky you will find your way back home. Otherwise you be trapped there forever (i can talk in more detail later if someone wants to hear).

Also I don't know exactly how many chapter there will be, maybe five to ten because I wrote a lot and I mean A LOT, plus I've created some random names for a few nameless characters (Jade and Floyd's parents, Azul's mom, etc). Anyway I'm rambling now, BUT not everything is what it seems! Have a fun read, y'all! :3

☆ Word account: 10553

☆ Tagging: @harukishiyo @jackalope0 @yuuandtheghost @laythestar @whimsybloom @dandyslibrary @gensou-rakuen @orisaspirin @shironakuronatasa @kiraiyugen

☆ Warnings: Yandere content, gn!reader, lovesick!jade, drugging, this chapter is more slow paced, gotta set the mood first to stole y'all breath later :D

The room was shrouded in dim light, illuminated only by the flickering flames of candles positioned around a dark wooden table. The scent of melted wax mingled with the faint aroma of damp earth, as if it had been brought from a distant place. At the center of the table, among the candles, rested an ancient ceramic bowl, partially filled with grains of black soil, as if it were the pulsing heart of something far greater.

The woman leaned over the table, gazing at the soil with deep, expressionless eyes, the tone of her eyes reflecting against the light. She lightly moved her fingers, tracing circles on the worn wood, as her voice emerged as a whisper, laden with secrets.

“The soil... it's more fertile now,” she said slowly, without raising her eyes. She seemed to be thinking deeply, unaware of the things happening around her. “It's the sign we've been waiting for over the past centuries. The roots have begun to grow more, and they are strong.”

The man, seated on the other side of the table, observed with an attentive expression and eyes trained to recognize such signs, humming in a cheerful tone. His hands rested on his knees, motionless, but his eyes gleamed with a dark curiosity. 

“The roots have grown, yes,” he murmured softly. “But it was what we gave them that allowed this. You know that, Meli.”

She nodded slightly, an almost imperceptible movement. “The sacrifices... each one of them, feeding the soil. The earth demands, and we offer.” Her voice echoed in the room, as if carrying an ancient weight, centuries of secrets kept. “But don't you think the soil... has become greedier since our little lost lamb is finally returning home after all this time?”

A heavy silence hung between them, broken only by the faint crackling of the candles. The man leaned back in his chair, his dark eyes fixed on the bowl of soil. “The earth takes what is necessary. No more, no less.” He hesitated before continuing. “But the offerings... They've been brought back home now. Each one... returning to the place they came from. Whoever our little lamb is, we will find them if they've truly come back this time.”

The woman slowly lifted her gaze, locking eyes with the man for the first time. Her expression remained impenetrable, but there was a gleam in the depths of her stare, an unspoken question.

“Could you bear another millennium without them?” Her voice was a barely audible whisper.

He smiled, a brief and enigmatic smile, as if he already knew the answer before the conversation began. “The oracle foretold it, Meli. That’s how the cycle works.” His eyes shone with a mystery she seemed to understand perfectly. “The soil feeds, and so do we. Our child will return, be patient.”

The silence returned, heavier this time. The candle flames flickered again, casting distorted shadows on the walls. Both of them knew they were speaking of more than just offerings. The soil, the blood, the lives that had been given — it was all part of an ancient pact, something neither dared to mention directly.

The knowledge of primordial events, their history, a story marked upon the world, passed from father to son, from son to grandson, never stopping.

She lowered her gaze back to the bowl of soil. “Sometimes I wonder, will the sacrifices be remembered?”

“Not in the way you expect,” the man replied, his voice firm but soft. “They’ll be forgotten, like all the others, but what they gave will live on in the soil. The earth never forgets, and neither do we.”

The woman smiled, a cold but satisfied smile. 

“Then so be it,” she said softly. “The soil is ready. Now, it just needs more.”

He joined his hand with hers, their fingers fitting together perfectly as she leaned over the table to seal their lips in a chaste kiss.

“Soon, we will all be together again.”

...

...

...

"Hey, Azul, are we there yet?" 

Floyd asked in a bored tone, deliberately dragging out the syllables to sound as irritating as possible. His smirk widened, his heterochromatic eyes twinkling with mischief, relishing in the annoyance he was causing - Azul was his chosen target. And Floyd had been tormenting him for a while now with no intention of stopping anytime soon. 

It was funny, the way his lips curled and the strict glare he directed to his friend. Floyd was having too much fun to stop, Azul's glasses were slowly slipping down his nose, which he pushed back up and gripping the steering wheel, he turned to look at Floyd exasperated. 

There were many things he wanted to shout and say but he remained focused on the silent road, containing a sigh inside his chest as Floyd poked his cheek and made a “bop” sound repeatedly. 

For the past thirty minutes, he had been incessantly repeating the same question, fully aware of the answer, or, like he liked to do, poking and pinching Azul's sides. His voice grew louder and more obnoxious each time he asked something, loud enough to rouse you from the deep sleep that had claimed you hours ago and earn a stern glare from his twin brother, Jade. As well as Azul, who elbowed him hard.

"We'll be there in half an hour, if you stop pestering me we'll arrive even earlier," Azul replied, his tone heavy with irritation.

The car trudged along the muddy road, rocking gently with every bump. The warmth of Jade's embrace enveloped you, your eyelids threatening to drop shut once more. You were so comfortable and cozy, and you fought against the tiredness to stay awake, nestled in his arms as if they were made to hold you. It was then that you realized that he had wrapped a blanket around you as you slept. You smiled at that. 

A yawn escaped you, drowsiness seeping through your limbs as "Take Me to Church" started to play softly on the radio. The sound was hypnotizing, albeit a little strange and faded. You didn't give it much thought, returning your attention to Azul's explanation. 

"We just follow the road and we'll arrive there soon," He said, pointing to the aged map in Floyd's lap. Yellowed and dog-eared, it was evident that they had traveled through this route many times during their childhood. 

And, despite having their phones right now, they still decided to rely on the map instead. You could only guess the reason; their hometown was a small city in the middle of the country, not many knew about it. You yourself didn't know much about it. 

"But it takes so long..." Floyd complained, rolling up the map and stashing it in the glove compartment impatiently. In a rhythmic pattern he drummed his fingers against the window, humming along with the song. “Can't we take a shortcut?” 

Nobody replied.

Though there was no shortcut. Not anymore at least. A few years ago, that road had a number of shortcuts, but eventually nature arranged so that none more could be used. Only the main road was the option now, even then sometimes the fog fell over it, blinding everyone. Even the more reckless motorists had to be careful, otherwise, they'd be put to sleep forever. 

Resigned, Floyd retrieved his phone from his pocket, popped in his earphones, and tuned out the world around him.

The travel thus far had been rather lengthy, a solid eight hours of driving at a brisk pace with only a few brief stops for restroom breaks and leg stretches. You hadn't anticipated it dragging on for so long, and your legs were already feeling numb from remaining in the same position for hours.

Despite your discomfort, Jade seemed content to hold you securely in his arms, a soft smile playing on his lips as he looked at you with adoration. He always looked at you like this.

"My face is probably all puffy, huh?" You chuckled.

Jade's mismatched eyes traced over your features, and he chuckled. "Yes, it is, but it only adds to your charm, if I do say so myself. You're so adorable I could bite your cheeks."

"You flatterer," You teased, rolling your eyes but unable to suppress the smile tugging at your lips. Jade may have called you adorable, but in that moment, he was the epitome of adorableness in your eyes.

Turning your attention to the window, you watched as the verdant landscape slowly shifted before your eyes. It was a stark contrast to the bustling city life you were accustomed to, with towering trees reaching towards the orange-tinged sky and birds returning to their nests for the evening. There was a serene beauty to it all and you found yourself captivated by the tranquil scenery. You felt strangely at home, in peace, almost as if it was the first time you were feeling this kind of peace.

On the horizon, a herd of cows and calves caught your eye, and you couldn't help but press your face against the window in excitement.

"Yo, Jade, look at them!" You exclaimed, your voice brimming with childlike wonder as you pointed in their direction. Your boyfriend chuckled beside you, his amusement evident in his tone. "They're so cute."

"How much do you love them?" He asked teasingly.

"A lot!" You turned to face with a playful glare, his hand cupping your face tenderly.

"Then you're going to have a blast when we arrive. There are plenty of cows and hens in Setealem. I'm sure Grandma Marja would let you play and feed them if you ask nicely." Jade chuckled a little as if he knew a secret that you don't. He did this a lot sometimes. “Be careful with the hens though, they can be quite aggressive.”

You nodded, your heart swelling with anticipation as you imagined all the adventures awaiting you in their hometown. The city may have been small, with only about twenty families living there, but Floyd and Jade had told you countless tales and stories, while Azul had explained its unique customs.

They even had their own gods and mythology. You could remember 

Setealem sounded like a fascinating place, and you were eager to explore it alongside them. Strange enough searching about it on google didn't work, nor didn't when you searched for their unique gods or history, as if it didn't exist at all - Floyd assured you that it was because many people didn't know the place, as it was just a small district without any nearby state neighbors.

You had been longing to meet Jade's parents for some time now but college was kicking your ass hard and you couldn't afford to travel with them before because of it. Sneaking a glance in his direction as he passed bottles of water to his brother and Azul, you knew you were serious about your future together. One day, you hoped to slip a ring onto Jade's finger and call him yours.

And to do that, you needed to earn his parents' blessing — with a little help from Floyd and Azul to orchestrate the proposal, of course. You had such a clear vision of how you wanted it to be. You and him, traveling through some tranquil and beautiful place like this, and then, boom! A proposal! 

There were so many ideas you wanted to explore, so many details to plan and reconsider. Everything had to be perfect. It needed to be perfect. Jade deserved it.

"Do you want some water, love?" Jade offered a bottle, and you accepted it with a small, grateful smile. Love. Oh, how you loved it when he called you that. You loved knowing that you were his love.

Your throat sang with joy at being blessed with that precious liquid, which you sipped slowly, still contemplating the landscape unfolding before you. The serene scenery seemed like the perfect backdrop for the moment you had dreamed of. And as waves of emotion swelled within you, your eyes occasionally drifted to admire Jade's gentle features — the line of his jaw, his neck that you loved to bite gently, his lips so perfectly kissable.

Sometimes, you caught yourself laughing like a little girl with a crush. But it was impossible not to feel that way around him. He was simply perfect in your eyes.

He has been such an attentive love since your relationship started. He took you to a picnic to watch the starry skies, he first kissed you with a gentleness that few had. He treated you as something made of glass, delicate and soft. And you loved it. 

"Jadeeeeee, I'm hungry," Floyd interrupted the moment, turning to his brother with pleading eyes. Although they looked so alike in appearance, you found it funny how different they were in personality. "And bored. So bored I might die. I’II die and leave you brotherless," He added as if it were a fact that everyone needed to know.

And honestly, it was. 

Floyd had severe mood swings and whenever that happened, he enjoyed annoying everyone, he enjoyed pulling Jade's hair, poking Azul's side and pinching you on the neck, he enjoyed the angry and frustrated looks he received back from each of you. Or the swearing and the failed attempts to hit him. Or, in some cases, he just got really sad and no one and nothing could cheer him up. In this case, it was better to let him be. 

Now though, a mischievous smile was spreading onto his lips. He wasn't that bored. He just wanted to annoy someone other than Azul for a few seconds. 

As you had known him before Azul or Jade, you had developed your own tricks to deal with his sudden mood swings. Distracting him worked some times, not always though nor did the same trick worked a second time. You knew you had to redirect his attention to somewhere else and you knew just what to do. 

"Hey, Flo, here." You grabbed a Rubik's cube from your backpack and handed it to him. “Surely you can solve it, right?” A hint of dare in your voice, a soft, innocent smile from you and he fell into your little trap.

An instant smile formed on his face, and he let out an excited shout, making Azul flinch in the process, taking the cube from your hands and forgetting about his hunger as he promptly tried to solve it.

That would keep him busy for a few minutes. Or hours, if you all were lucky enough. You didn't think poor Azul could handle being Floyd's victim for long; he looked a little tired now, yet he refused to let any of the twins drive his car. 

"Besides, should I remind you that there are cereal bars and candy in the glove compartment?" Jade responded with his characteristic smile, pointing to the indicated spot. 

But Floyd just grumbled something low, not paying attention, moving his head from one side to another as he enjoyed his song.

You stifled a laugh. Jade would need to repeat that at least two more times.

He playfully rolled his eyes, a mischievous grin tugging at the corners of his lips, before his gaze lingered on you. His eyes traced the curve of your wet, parted lips, silently pleading for permission as his eyes met yours.

You reciprocated his playful eye roll, trying to imitate even the way he furrowed his eyebrows a little. It always amused you how he sought permission for a kiss, even in the most mundane moments. Despite feeling a twinge of self-consciousness about kissing him  in front of his brother and childhood friend, you couldn't resist him. Without thinking twice, you pulled him towards you by the shirt he was wearing until your mouths were pressed together and your tongues intertwined.

 The kiss started softly, then became faster and more needy. A groan escaped your throat as Jade bit your lower lip with a little more force. Each kiss shared with Jade left you breathless, craving more, and this time was no exception.

 But the need for air eventually pulled you both apart.

"You're adorable," You teased, noticing the faint blush coloring his cheeks, a sight that never failed to make your heart flutter. His usual protest didn't surface this time, a silent acknowledgment of your endearment. "My adorable little guy. What would you do without me?"

"Die," He replied simply, his words carrying a weight of absolute certainty, as if the notion of being without you was inconceivable. "I'II die without you around. My own soul would be reduced to ashes and wait till you were reborn again so we could be together. Again and again."

A choked laugh escaped Azul, followed by Floyd's infectious laughter, punctuated by exaggerated kissing noises. You rolled your eyes at their antics, watching as Jade leaned in to playfully reprimand his brother, his gaze fixed firmly on Azul.

"Focus on the road, please," You chided Azul, feeling your whole face heat up in embarrassment.

"Oops, my bad," Azul chuckled, his tone teasing as he glanced at you both through the rearview mirror. "But seriously, that was way too mushy."

As he redirected his attention to driving and changed to another song, playing "Welcome home" by Radical Face, the car shifted to a comfortable silence, the laughter gradually fading into the background. Floyd's loud munching on snacks became the only source of sound, after he proudly handed you the completed Rubik's Cube.

"Now that we've come back, mom's going to be thrilled to see my terrarium," Jade mused aloud, a mix of pride and happiness evident in his voice.

From the moment you two met, Jade had been dedicated to his terrarium. He even took the time to teach you a few things about its care, ensuring you could look after it if he wasn't around. And it was fun to take care of your little plant friends, seeing them grow strong and beautiful. It filled you with a simple sort of happiness.

"I'll never get how you and mom are into this," Floyd whined, glancing back at his brother. "And it’s not even hard to take care of. Just throw in some soil and a random plant, and it’s done or whatever."

You looked at Jade, a vein almost popping on his forehead, incredulous about such absurdity. He chuckled bitterly, shaking his head at Floyd's dismissive remark. "It's a bit more complex than that, Floyd. Each plant needs the right environment to thrive. It's about balance and harmony."

You smiled, remembering the times Jade patiently explained the intricacies of terrarium care. "It's like having a tiny ecosystem in a jar," You added, nudging Floyd playfully. "There's a lot more to it than just soil and plants. You can't water too muc-"

Floyd rolled his eyes, interrupting you. "Yeah, yeah, I get it. I spent my childhood beside him and mom rambling all about it, I know more than enough, Yuu."

You and Jade shared a knowing glance as Floyd turned around once more, Jade placed his hand over your mouth but it was an useless endeavor as you started giggling madly, your laughter echoing through the car.

You couldn't help it.

An annoyed Floyd was simply too funny.

He grumbled something under his breath but otherwise chose to remain quiet. Though you knew that he was plotting something to get back at you for laughing at him.

Well, you wanted to see him try. Back when you were both freshmen in college, he was notorious for his mischievous pranks, a reputation that preceded him, for he pranked everyone, be it student or professor alike. But you, unlike the others, didn't feel intimidated by him - on the contrary, you spent a few days thinking about how to get your revenge, when you turned into his victim. 

 From harmless jokes to elaborate pranks, you thought about it day in and day out, and when you finally turned the tables on him and left him speechless, unbeknownst to you a prank war was started in Floyd's perspective. No more he made the other students his victim, now his attention was solely on you, thinking how to win this - at first, one-sided - competition. He did it all; hiding your belongings, tying your shoelaces together, annoying stuff like that to make you angry.

But as the days turned into weeks and then months, exhaustion began to set in. The ideas ran dry, and both you and Floyd found yourselves at an impasse. That's why you knew that if Floyd was thinking something dumb, you always had an ace on his sleeve and a second and third plan.

 Turning you to be his victim is also how you make friends with him and, later on, how you met Azul and Jade, as they tried to stop your little war a few times, needless to say that their attempts to stop you failed.

Thirty minutes passed calmly, you and Jade were watching some videos on his phone while Floyd was talking about a festival in Ysli's honor to Azul - he seemed really excited and looking forward to it. 

Ysli, as far as you understood, was a genderless god, sometimes taking a masculine form and others, a feminine form, when they had to descend to the human world. And sometimes neither.

 They were responsible for... You weren't sure. Your head was aching as you tried to remember.

You had no time to recall what you heard because right at that instant Azul's announcement that you had arrived at your destination sparked excitement inside the car. As anticipation filled the air, Floyd leaned out of the window, his laughter mingling with the wind as he soaked in the moment.

Jade's hand found yours, offering a reassuring squeeze as he chuckled at his brother's antics. "Almost there," He said, his eyes lightening with anticipation. "I'm glad you're here with us."

As Azul drove through the quaint town, a surge of excitement filled you. The fresh air and warm sunlight seemed to promise adventure and fun, the soft smell of flowers dancing in the wind. Your legs ache from sitting still for the past two hours, but the anticipation of exploring was enough to soothe any discomfort.

Only a few more minutes, you thought happily.

"Wow, look at all that corn!" You exclaimed as the car passed through the endless corn fields - they were so tall, shiny and beautiful. "Do you have scarecrows too? Are they really as scary as in the movies?"

Jade chuckled at your enthusiasm, his eyes sparkling with warmth. As you approached the charming houses, you noticed a wave of excitement ripple through the town. Everyone seemed to be watching you, waving and smiling. 

It was as if you were celebrities.

The kids paused playing and running around, the teenagers stopped working and even the adults paused their conversations. It was a surreal sight. As you drove past them, you saw so many new faces and felt a mix of emotions. A kid with a tiara screaming in glee, a red haired teenager scolding his friends, a well dressed man laughing loudly.

 Your heart pounded with excitement and a sense of belonging. It was clear that you were welcome here.

The town's warmth and friendliness made you feel right at home, clearly they were different from the town's folk, always so closed off and rude. You couldn't wait to see more, so excited.

Azul brought the car to a stop in front of Jade and Floyd's childhood home.

"Finally home, thank Lilum!" Floyd leaped out of the car excitedly, opening the door and running inside in a matter of seconds. 

“Mooooooom,” You heard him scream, excited to be back.

You watched as Jade's hand hovered over the door handle, his eagerness palpable in the air. But just as he was about to step out, you couldn't help but voice the nagging question that had been weighing on your mind, making him turn to look at you.

"Do you think your parents will like me?" you asked, your voice laced with a hint of uncertainty despite Jade's reassuring smile.

His response was immediate, his confidence unwavering as he turned to face you. "You didn't even have to ask, sugar. I know they'll love you!"

His words were like a warm embrace, dispelling any lingering doubts as he pressed a tender kiss to your forehead. Still you stayed seated there for a few more seconds, gathering your courage and breathing hard. 

You were here. 

You wanted to be here. 

You've been wishing you could come here for months. A growing need to see the unknown, to breathe new airs, to taste new flavors.

Retrieving your backpack, you stepped out of the car with confident steps - they do say that to be confident, first you have to pretend.

As you approached the half open door, a warm feminine voice drifted through the air, a comforting melody that anchored you in the moment. Drawing in a deep breath, you prepared yourself for the impending introduction, for any variable possible.

Floyd was laughing loudly while his mother, you supposed, scolded him for acting foolishly while praising Azul for being a good driver. 

What if they don't like me? What if they don't approve of me? Oh heavens… You try not to focus on these negative thoughts for too long. Can I still run to the cornfield and hide there?

A sudden movement caught your attention. Swift and nimble, something darted towards you from the corner of your eye. You turned just in time to see a child hurtling toward you with reckless abandon, a grin stretched wide across his bubbly face.

Though he was still small and very young, the child's smile was warm like the sun breaking through clouds. The boy was wearing a little tiara with cat ears and held another one in his chubby hands, which he extended towards you, his excitement palpable. "Hey Mx, take this!"

You couldn't help but mirror his grin as he held out the second tiara towards you, his chubby fingers trembling with excitement. His energy was palpable, filling the air with a sense of joy and wonder. With a gentle laugh, you reached out and accepted the tiara, marveling at its delicate craftsmanship and the cat ears at its base.

 They were soft, akin the real ones.

"Thank you," You said, your voice filled with grace. "This is a lovely gift."

The boy beamed at your words, his eyes sparkling with delight as he giggled to himself. "You're welcome!" He exclaimed. "Now we can be tiara twins! I'm Cheka by the way."

"Oh, what a charming name!" You smiled and ruffled his hair, making him laugh, his eyes enlightening. "I'm Yuu."

"I know," Cheka murmured, his words dripped with a sinister undertone, each syllable carrying a weight that seemed to press down on you like a leaden weight. 

You laughed awkwardly, leaning to his height. “And how would you know that?”

For a second his eyes, unnaturally large and filled with innocence, seemed to bore into your very soul with a chilling knowingness. Like he knew a secret that you don't. "Because Jade told me all sorts of things about you in his pho-ne calls.”

You rubbed your eyes, probably still a little tired from the trip and mishearing him. When you looked at him again, Cheka was looking at you with those very beautiful and innocent green eyes again. 

Uncertain, you asked him softly. "Only good things, I hope?"

He nodded, smiling. “He said that in the future I'd find myself someone as loveable as you, if I behaved well, that is. Otherwise, Lilum would punish me."

“And who is Lilum by the way?” You asked him, curious to hear more about this God or Goddess of theirs. 

For a long second, Cheka looked at you, considering what to tell you - he knew a lot, yet not enough, you could see the screws turning on his head as he squinted his big eyes, trying to remember something specific. Whatever he wanted to tell you though was interrupted by a sharp, angry call.

"Cheka!" A man's voice sliced through the air, tinged with frustration. 

It was clear that he was not very pleased that the child had wandered off again. The boy glanced back at you, his expression a mix of feelings. "Be very welcome to Setelarion, Mx Yuu."

After that, Cheka called out to the man - his uncle - and jumped at the man's arms to hug him too, with the same, if not more, excitement than before, almost making both of them fall on the ground. 

His uncle begrudgingly held his nephew in his arms, you could tell he was reprimanding the boy for annoying people again for the way he was talking so sternly. You half wanted to go there and explain the situation, that Cheka wasn't annoying you at all.

You didn't need to, though. Cheka had everything under his control as he giggled and smiled at his uncle, changing topics and making jokes. 

You giggled, watching the scene with a sense of nostalgia, since you couldn't remember your childhood well. But in your dreams you remember your father, his sun kissed skin and long hair cascading down his shoulders, pushing you in the swing, while your mother's humming song filled the air. It was all you could remember before everything was consumed by darkness.

Car accident, the doctors told you. The car flipped over several times after being hit by a truck, and the driver didn't even stop to offer help.

Years later, you found a newspaper about the accident. The photos… they weren't pretty.

The sun was shining bright and the wind was so gently swaying your hair, like a mother welcoming her child back. You could stay like that for a few more seconds if it wasn't Jade calling you to enter, making you forget all about those bitter memories you held onto, about this Lilum - who must be or not, another deity of theirs -, about everything.

"Mom, I'd like to introduce you to my lover." Jade pulled you from behind him, a gentle smile on his lips as he gazed at you and, by extension, the tiara on your head. 

A little blush came to rest upon his cheeks but he brushed it off quite easily, almost giggling to himself because he was too excited. 

He turned to face her.

“Oh, heavens, are we finally meeting Jade's lover?” The woman raised her hands to the sky as if giving thanks for something. "Thank Meliantha and Levioron. I've been waiting for this moment for so long."

The voice belonged to a beautiful lady, whose silky, dark hair was tied in a loose bun and had a gentle smile on her lips. The same smile that existed on Jade's face. "His father and I have been asking this stubborn boy so hard to bring you over as soon as we found out about your relationship. It's finally good to meet you, darling!"

The warm intimacy made you feel happy, Jade's mother wrapped you in a big comfortable hug that instantly made you feel calm, even your heart had settled in your chest. At that moment you knew immediately that Jade had acquired the ability to hug warmly from his mother, because you were almost melting in her strong arms.

"Oh my, Floyd, Azul, aren't they a beautiful couple? It reminds me of me and Asher when we were younger." Their mother gestured to the couple, wiping small imaginary tears from the corners of her beautiful blue eyes.

Without realizing it, you released the breath you had been holding all this time, your legs almost turning into jelly as the tension began to slowly dissipate. The woman seemed really happy to meet you and that made you happy too.

Many of your friends had told you about how their in-laws' reactions were sometimes exaggerated and rude, you were glad that didn't seem to be the case here.

Not with Mrs. Leech, at least. Now… You had to wait for Ms Leech's reaction. 

"Come, come, I'll serve you a big slice of apple pie. All of you must be so tired." Mrs Leech said gently, holding your hand as she guided you to the kitchen. Jade and the others following right behind you.

“Oh! And I see Cheka already shared his tiara with you, he always gives one to newelcomers.” Mrs Leech praised you, laughing a little at your shy expression. “You're cute like that.”

 You thanked her with a smile and a nod.

The house was built with old wood and the floor creaked with every step, yet it was so cozy. You counted the worn boards as you walked towards the kitchen, hoping they wouldn't give way under your feet. Behind you, you could hear Floyd and Azul whispering something about tea and soil.

And Jade was humming, in another room to water his mother plants.

"Ah, what a mind… I was so excited that I didn't even introduce myself properly." She turned to you, a little laugh leaving her glossy lips. Mrs Leech let go of your hand as soon as you arrived at the kitchen, smoothing her apron as she turned to face you. "My name is Amelie, my husband, Asher, should be here soon. And he'll be so happy to meet you too."

“It's a pleasure, Mrs Leech.” You replied, a smile growing on your face as you looked at her.

 Then you side-eyed Jade when he returned to the kitchen. “Though I had no idea you were so eager to know me. Jade's been keeping me a little in the dark, I think.”

He let out a laugh, albeit it sounded strange. Almost twisted. Then it was gone just as suddenly. 

Mrs Leech wheezed, looking menacingly in her son's direction. Her arms crossed over her chest, her foot hitting the floor in a rhythmic pattern. “Is that so, Jade?” She sounded disgruntled. “And why is that?”

“I presume my motives won't be as good as you want, mom.” He smiled. Then took the tray from her sore hands and placed it on the table, like a dutiful son - a mere tactic. “But Night Raven College was chaotic and had a hectic curriculum and routine. The headmage... Well, he didn't do much. Honestly, I don't know how we graduated from a place like that.”

“Oh please, as if that's a good enough reason.” Mrs Leech rolled her eyes. “Yuu, you have my permission to hit my son now.”

“Oh, goodie.” You smiled.

 Without warning, you raise your hand and lightly slap his shoulder. Weak and feather-light, but enough to make everyone laugh as Jade throws himself back, pretending to have been hit by a brutal punch.

“He's not lying, though.” You were quickly to say, intertwining your hand with his. “I was struggling with some classes and he helped me a lot.”

Jade gave her mother a smug look, as if to say “I told you so”. Amelie rolled her eyes. 

“Ma,” Floyd pulled her attention to him. “Where 's dad?”

Floyd and Jade's father worked on the plantations while Azul's family and another friend of theirs that you had yet to meet were responsible for making sweets and food with the corn and then selling it to companies. You didn't know much about what the other families did. 

Some help, of course, you suppose, maintaining a huge plantation that size was impossible alone.

“He went out to buy some more eggs and flour.” 

Amelie then began to skillfully set the table, carefully placing the cutlery and adjusting the napkins. There was a genuine happiness in her eyes as she worked and a peaceful hum left her lips. Little 'ows' were flying everytime Floyd tried to steal a piece of pie and was hitted by his mom's wooden spoon.

The sweet, earthy smell of freshly baked corn filled the air, mingling with the subtle aroma of herbs slowly boiling in a kettle on the stove. The kitchen was full of small details, from wildflower vases on the windowsill to the wooden shelves lined with ceramic bowls, each different from the next, as if they had been collected over the years.

“Mind your manners, Floyd!” She scolded him.

The golden, perfectly baked crust cracked lightly as she cut the first slice, moving the knife with precision and serenity, as if each motion was part of an ancient ritual. Her gestures were slow, almost meditative, and the kitchen seemed to follow this calm rhythm, as if time had a fluidity of its own, unhurried to pass.

The sound of birds chirping, the sunlight slowly fading as the evening approached. Jade, Floyd and Azul sat at the wooden table in the center of the kitchen, and you joined them, your gaze wandering across the walls decorated with old plates and hand-embroidered dish towels.

Floyd, restless as ever, tapped his fingers on the table, but even he seemed affected by the kitchen's serene atmosphere, his eyes drifting to the slices of pie that Amelie was delicately serving.

“I hope you like it,” she said softly, almost like a whisper that floated in the air, as she turned around with a plate in each hand. She placed the first slice in front of you, and the scent of sweet corn and freshly melted butter rose, filling the air with a rich, inviting fragrance.

You were almost salivating. After hours on the road, you hadn’t eaten anything nutritious or that tasted this good. And with the first bite, you smiled, it was so delicious.

“This recipe is one of the favorites here at home. I made it with corn harvested this morning.” Amelie seemed radiant that you liked the pie she had prepared.

You observed the slice of pie in front of you, the thin, crispy crust still warm, with a texture that seemed too perfect to be real. The first bite was soft and sweet, with a touch of salt that balanced the flavor, and as you chewed, you felt like you were tasting something made with more than just ingredients — there was care and attention in every layer.

Jade received his piece with a calm smile, murmuring a “thank you, mother” that was answered with a gentle pat on the shoulder. He cut a small piece and brought it to his mouth, his eyes closing for a brief moment as he savored it.

Next to you, Floyd grabbed the slice even before Amelie could place the plate in front of him, eliciting a laugh from her. He was already chewing eagerly, his eyes gleaming with satisfaction.

“It’s delicious, ma,” he said, his mouth still full, and Amelie just shook her head, laughing softly.

Floyd would always act that way, no matter where.

Azul, more reserved, watched Amelie for a moment before thanking her and accepting his piece with a simple “thank you, aunt.” He cut a small portion, and when he tasted it, his face softened, losing some of the meticulous control he always displayed.

“I’m glad you liked it,” she replied, returning to the stove to finish the tea. The fire seemed very hot, and you could feel it from a considerable distance.

But Amelie seemed used to it.

The kettle began to whistle, a soft, continuous sound that briefly cut through the room's calm. She turned off the heat and picked up the kettle with one hand, pouring the hot liquid into a light blue porcelain teapot that she had prepared with fresh herb leaves.

The tea exuded a herbal and floral aroma, fresh but comforting, with a subtle note of sweetness that matched perfectly with the pie.

“Ready for the tea of the gods?” she asked her children, looking at each face before moving.

She brought the teapot to the table and began to serve them, first filling Jade, Azul, and Floyd's cups, each receiving the drink in different cups, all with delicate designs faded by time.

Amelie did not serve you.

And you were too embarrassed to point it out. She stepped away. Taking from the fridge, Amelie brought you a very beautiful cup, decorated with designs of the sun and moon, with a liquid that had a slightly unfamiliar scent.

“Since it’s your first time drinking our teas, I made a milder, lighter infusion for you,” Amelie smiled. ���Experiment this,” She said, her tone soft and melodical.

“It’s a hometown specialty of ours, something special that will ease your mind and allow you to glimpse our gods, if only for a moment.”

There was something in the way she spoke, a lilt to the rhythm of her words that made you accept the cup without hesitation — in every sense, you didn’t doubt the existence of their gods. But you didn’t want to see them either.

“But what is the tea of the gods?” you asked her, watching as Floyd drank from his cup in big gulps, a very strange and disturbing laugh slipping from his lips as the seconds passed. “What it is made of?”

Mrs. Leech tilted her head to the side, her dark eyes glimmering for a moment under the kitchen's fluorescent light, as if she was considering your question. The smile on her lips was soft, almost maternal, but there was something indecipherable there, a shadow of mystery that made each of her words sound like a riddle.

“The tea of the gods is... an ancient, harmless recipe,” she said finally, her voice low and slow, as if she was sharing a secret, even if she wasn’t telling you anything at all. “Something passed down through generations, from mother to child, from grandmother to grandchild. It is a gift from the earth, a way to connect us with what lies beyond what we can see.”

She paused, pouring a little more tea into her own cup, the hot liquid falling smoothly, almost like a continuous stream of honey. When she finished, she set the kettle aside and watched you for a moment, with a gaze that seemed to delve deeper than usual, as if she was trying to see something beyond what you revealed on the surface.

Floyd, still seated next to you, laughed to himself, a light, childlike laugh, but one that carried a disturbing strangeness, like the laughter of someone seeing something no one else could. He tapped his fingers on the table in an erratic rhythm, his nails making a soft, almost hypnotic sound on the wood, while his eyes gleamed in a way you couldn’t decipher. 

“It’s magical,” he murmured suddenly, as if speaking to himself. “Everything becomes... different, clearer.”

You raised the cup to your lips and took a sip, feeling the warmth of the tea spread through your mouth and slide down your throat. The taste was smooth, almost sweet, but there was a slight bitterness that lingered at the end, leaving a trace that didn’t fade immediately. It was a curious flavor, making your tongue tingle a little, and for some reason, it made the world around you seem a bit slower.

You weren’t sure if you were imagining it or not.

“What do you mean by different?” you asked Floyd, but it was Azul who responded before his friend could.

“Sometimes, the gods show us what we need to see,” he said, pouring tea for himself this time, bringing the cup to his lips and gently blowing the steam before drinking. “Other times, they show us what we want, even if we don’t realize it. It’s a way of opening our eyes and seeing beyond, just another one of our customs.”

Jade, who had remained silent until then, was watching you over his cup, his eyes fixed and attentive. It was the same way he looked at you when he wanted to share a secret but couldn’t. He didn’t laugh like Floyd, but there was something distant in the way he drank the tea, as if lost in thought.

Azul, on the other hand, seemed more focused, as if analyzing everything, but even he had a slight smile on his lips, as if he was enjoying a joke only he understood.

You took another sip, the strange taste spreading in your mouth, and a peculiar sensation began to infiltrate your body. It was faint and almost imperceptible, so you ignored it for now. Just as you ignored Cheka and his strange words. You were ignoring a lot of things, afraid of being disrespectful to a different culture. So, you took another gulp of tea.

Floyd leaned forward, and his eyes, now as dark as Amelie’s, glistened with a strange joy. “You’ll see,” he said, his voice soft, almost singing. “Everyone sees when they drink the tea.”

In a leap, he was on his feet, spinning and laughing as if he was truly dancing with someone and didn’t want to ever stop. His movements were erratic, like he didn’t know the dance steps, but what he didn’t know, Floyd made up for in improvisation.

Amelie continued to drink her tea calmly, as if nothing unusual was happening, but her eyes met yours, and you realized she was watching you closely, as if waiting for a negative reaction.

“Don’t be afraid,” she whispered, almost tenderly. “The tea is a portal, a key. Let it show you what you need to see.”

You felt your heart race, the warmth of the tea now spreading through your chest, pulsing in your veins, and you weren’t sure if you wanted that.

Floyd’s laughter echoed through the room, distorted and reverberating, while he tapped his fingers on the table, each beat seeming to mark a rhythm for the shadows only he could see. “They like visitors,” he said, his voice hissing in your direction. “The gods always like visitors.”

Amelie leaned forward, still with that enigmatic smile. “And you are a special visitor,” she murmured. “Drink more, and you will see. You will see what they want to show you.”

The cup was still in your hand, heavy and warm. You hesitated, feeling the beats of your heart echo in your ears, each pulse a call to the unknown. It felt as though time was stretching, dragging you to a place you didn’t know if you wanted to go.

But there was a part of you — a part that couldn’t resist the curiosity, the invitation — that brought the cup to your lips again, drinking what was left of the tea. The bitter and sweet taste mingled on your tongue, and as you swallowed, it was like falling into an abyss, where the shadows finally stopped hiding, revealing what was on the other side.

Your worries began to slowly dissipate as the seconds passed, your back fell right into the chair and your body felt heavy and hot all over.

 “This is very good,” you confessed.

Like a mother’s embrace. Like a brother’s laugh. Like a father’s kiss.

Like home.

 A strange sensation began to emerge, as if the world around you was melting, expanding and stretching, and softening everything at the same time. The room suddenly seemed vaster, the colors on the walls intensified, dancing slightly around you, as if vibrating with a life of their own while Jade laughed, drinking the rest of his tea in big gulps.

He seemed accustomed to it.

Floyd was no longer dancing alone, you couldn’t discern who this invisible person was, but you could see their silhouette. It was translucent and small, with short hair and formally dressed, yet you couldn’t see their face.

Amelie watched from afar, her smile unchanged, her eyes curious and expectant.

You blinked, feeling a weight on your eyes, as if they were being pulled down. When you tried to focus on the table in front of you, the environment seemed to distort, rippling like the surface of a lake under the wind. The shapes around you began to change – the fridge on the left seemed to stretch, growing in height, while the curtains swayed like smooth serpents sliding across the floor.

The sound of Floyd and Jade’s laughter now seemed to come from far away, distorted, echoing like the song of a distant bird in an unknown forest. But soon you stopped hearing anything, because something else caught your attention out of the corner of your eye.

Silhouettes.

You turned around to see three beings, vaguely human in form but grotesquely elongated, emerged from the shadows of the room. Their eyes – if they could be called that – shone a total, lifeless black. 

They didn’t walk; they seemed to float, gliding across the floor towards you, the ends of their thin fingers extending as if they wanted to touch your skin, probe your mind, eat your soul.

Your heart began to race, and you tried to stand from the chair you were still sitting in, but your body no longer responded. It was as if you were trapped, sinking into a bed of soft clouds and, at the same time, too heavy to support. The first of them – a tall female figure with a narrow, mouthless head – leaned over you. 

Her shadow covered your face, and you felt an inexplicable chill run down your spine. The tea left you with a warm feeling and this figure… This goddess of theirs made you feel a primal fear.

You couldn't even put into words what she made you feel. But it was horrible.

Then, she spoke, but not with words. Her voice echoed in your mind, a cacophony of murmurs and whispers, and screams, everything overwhelming you beyond words. “You crossed over the bridge. Now, you see what others cannot, it's been a while.”

The room dissolved, the walls faded, and all that remained was a dark field, an infinite abyss dotted with those imposing figures from SeteAlem. In the distance, there was something larger – a colossal form that seemed to watch, waiting. You felt that, somehow, you already knew this place, as if your dreams had tried to warn you of its existence, but you never listened.

Time lost its meaning. Maybe it was seconds, maybe hours. And you kept staring at her, watching her floating, hearing her soft grunts.

“Who are you?” You asked her.

A laugh sounded behind you. And you turned around at the same time. Another figure, this one wearing a mask over his face as he leaned over you, as if to see you from a better angle.

 “Oh, I like this one, they have a lovely face,” His voice was loud and exaggerated. 

The feminine figure swatted the male figure away with a slap on his back. “Do not come near them to taint them with your ugly face, Leyarion.”

You took a step back, unsure, your heart beating faster. You could hear the sounds of bells echoing through the darkness, the same bells you used to hear in the church you were raised in. You hated that sound with a burning passion.

“Look at what both of you did,” A third voice sounded. Yet you could not see anyone, no matter what direction you looked, there was nothing there. “Do not be afraid, child. They are harmless.”

The voice, soft yet commanding, slithered through the air, its echoes reverberating in your bones. It was as if it came from every direction, creeping closer, suffocating.

 The feminine figure tilted her head to look at the other entity, her eyes gleaming with a cold, predatory curiosity. "Harmless?" she murmured, her voice dripping with something far from gentle and something like a smile spreading through her face.

 “It’s not every day we get a visitor like them, I just got happy, is all." Leyarion, the masked figure, straightened, and you could feel his eyes boring into you from behind that mask. 

“Curious indeed. We’ve seen many wanderers, but none like you. The tea always reveals the interesting ones.” His voice was smooth, but there was a sharp edge to it, like a knife scraping metal  

“I shall give you my blessing.”

Your heart pounded, each beat drumming louder than the last. You wanted to move, to run, but your feet felt glued to the floor, held in place by an invisible grip. His fingers touched your forehead and a heat seemed to take over your body for several minutes, like fire melting your skin, muscles and tendons, a muffled scream never got the chance to leave your lips. 

After a second, everything stopped. The heat, the pain, sweat was clinging to your head as you struggled to breathe correctly.

“What... What do you want from me?” you stammered, barely able to get the words out without choking on them.

The bells rang louder now, shrill and relentless, twisting the air around you. They  were deafening, as if mocking your fear of them.

Another voice, one you couldn’t place, rumbled through the darkness, so deep it made your chest tighten. "We want nothing from you, child," it said, slow and deliberate, each word sinking like a weight. "You have stumbled into our domain, and that is... intriguing. We merely wish to see what kind of person you were."

The shadows writhed, twisting and shifting, and you could make out the vague shapes of other figures. They were immense, towering, their forms impossibly tall and blurred, like ancient statues hidden in the mist. They moved slowly, as if savoring each moment, and though their faces were shrouded, you could feel their eyes on you — heavy, ancient, and unforgiving.

“I thought… everyone who drank that tea, came here?” It was what Amelie had told you, after all. 

“So much more complex than this,” Leyarion moved closer, his masked face so near you could almost see yourself reflected in it. Behind the mask, you could sense a grin, wide and cruel, sharp teeth showing as his eyes were glistening, finding joy in how he could fright you. "I could show you the truth, if you'd let me." 

He whispered, his voice sickly sweet, curling around you like smoke. "All the truths your world hides, all the secrets it keeps buried... even from you."

“No!” The feminine figure snapped, her voice cracking like a whip. She stepped between you and Leyarion, her presence suffocating, as if the air itself was shrinking away from her. "You will not overwhelm this one."

You could barely breathe, the air thick and suffocating. Panic clawed at your throat, and every instinct screamed at you to flee, but your legs refused to move. You were trapped, caught in the middle of a silent battle between these beings. Leyarion’s mask glinted in the dim light as he pulled back, his laughter echoing, low and mocking. “As you wish. But remember, child, the gods only offer their wisdom once.”

Your hands shook as you tried to steady yourself, every nerve in your body on edge. “Who... who are you?” you managed to ask again, your voice trembling. “And... What is this place?”

The feminine figure looked down at you, her gaze piercing, like she was peeling back your skin, layer by layer. “We are the forgotten gods of the In-Between, you don’t know what Setealem means, don’t you?,” she said softly, but there was no kindness in her tone. 

“Sete-alem, the beyond seven, seven gods that shaped this world and once walked your world. Now, we dwell in the spaces between what is seen and what is hidden. You stand at the edge of SeteAlem, where our realms meet.”

Her hand hovered near your face, close enough that you could feel the chill radiating from her. It felt like ice seeping into your skin. “You drank our tea and the earth brought you to us. While everyone can see our realm, not all of them can pass through our borders nor talk to us. You’re special.”

From the shadows, that unseen voice rumbled again, its tone dark and amused. "SeteAlem is the reflection of everything that has been lost... and everything yet to come."

The bells tolled louder, each chime resonating in your chest, vibrating through your ribs. Your heart raced, each beat out of sync, struggling against the crushing weight of the sound. The air was heavy, carried with something you couldn’t quite put into words. 

Something else was coming. Something far more frightening than them.

 “I... I want to leave,” you said, your voice cracking, barely a whisper. “Please, let me go.”

The gods said nothing, but you could feel their eyes on you, their immense forms looming like dark clouds ready to consume you whole. The silence stretched, cold and suffocating, until the feminine figure spoke again, her tone almost pitying, but not quite.

 “You will leave, in time. But the tea you drank binds you here, for now. You must witness what you came here to see.”

Leyarion’s mask gleamed as he leaned in again - he, as Azul had said once, didn’t have any notion about personal space. In fact, he was closer than ever, his voice barely more than a breath against your ear. “And perhaps, once you see, you will find you never truly wanted to leave.”

A hand, heavy and cold, brushed against your shoulder. You gasped, spinning around, but there was nothing there — only the dark, endless void. Then, slowly, another figure began to materialize, taller than the rest, cloaked in shadows so thick they seemed to swallow the light. You couldn’t see its face, but you could feel its gaze, as if it was peeling back your very soul.

 “Do not fear,” it said, its voice softer than the others, yet far more chilling. “This place is not meant to harm you. It is meant to reveal. Let it show you what you need to see, if you weren’t ready, it would have brought you here.”

The room around you twisted, the shadows curling and stretching, pulling at the edges of your vision. The gods’ forms began to merge with the darkness, their outlines becoming distorted and monstrous. You could no longer tell where they ended and the void began. Everything seemed to pulse and writhe, as if reality itself was unraveling around you without caring about your permission.

And then, in the distance, you saw it — a vast, ancient presence, rising like a black tide. Dark, towering figures moved within it, their silhouettes barely discernible, but you could feel their power, raw and overwhelming, like a storm ready to consume everything in its path. They were older than anything you had ever known, older than the earth itself, and they called to you, their voices a low, haunting chorus that echoed in your head.

You felt a pull, an invisible force dragging you closer to them, closer to whatever lay hidden in that dark abyss. Your body trembled, fear and a twisted sense of curiosity warring within you, but something in the darkness whispered your name, soft and seductive, beckoning you forward.

"See," the unseen god’s voice rumbled, echoing through the void. "See what lies beneath, and know that you were always meant to find it."

And as the shadows parted, revealing the ancient, twisted truths hidden within, a cold, sickening realization washed over you — you were no stranger to their world. You were trapped, bound to it, as if the very darkness had woven itself into your soul. It was familiar, like home.

Why was it familiar like home?

You took a step ahead. You had to be brave to discover it, to see what you were meant to see.

The darkness felt alive, pulsing like a heartbeat beneath your skin. You couldn’t shake the feeling that you’d walked these shadowed paths before, that each twisted root and jagged rock was an old, familiar friend. The unseen god’s words lingered in the back of your mind, an echo that tugged at something buried deep within.

Home. It felt so wrong, yet so right. The shadows around you hummed in recognition, as though they, too, knew your presence, knew the parts of you that you had long tried to ignore. A cold shiver ran down your spine, but instead of backing away, you felt a strange pull, an urge to press forward.

As you took another step, the faintest memories flickered at the edges of your mind: faces you couldn’t quite place, words spoken in a language you thought you had forgotten. Fragments of laughter mingling with cries, love mixed with a deep-rooted fear. It was more than familiarity — it was like a piece of your soul had always belonged to this place, hidden beneath layers of denial. The very air felt like it knew your secrets, your hidden fears, and still it welcomed you.

You inhaled deeply, forcing yourself to steady your shaking hands. “Show me,” you whispered, barely audible. You weren’t sure if you were speaking to the god or to the darkness itself, but it didn’t matter. You have come this far. You couldn’t turn back now.

And as the shadows deepened around you, something ancient stirred, waiting for you to remember. 

The shadows seemed to twist, drawing closer, as if listening to your whispered invitation. A chill seeped into your bones but the unease didn’t deter you. Instead, you felt drawn forward, each step awakening more of the strange, haunting familiarity that clung to you like a forgotten dream. Then, suddenly, the shadows pulled back, revealing a stone altar covered in intricate carvings that pulsed with a faint, dark glow. You stared at it, the patterns and symbols tugging at the edges of your mind. 

You felt as though you should recognize them — no, you did recognize them.

As your fingers traced one of the symbols, memories, raw and jagged, began to surface: whispers in the dark, soft words promising you secrets, a cold, comforting presence always by your side. You could see glimpses of yourself, younger, reaching toward the darkness like an old friend. You had once sought it out, welcomed it, allowed it to cradle you when no one else would.

Because this darkness was your home. Your safe haven. 

The realization hit you like a punch to the gut. *This wasn’t the first time you had come here.* 

You’d been part of this ancient place, this dark world, long ago. The shadows were a piece of you, their promises and secrets entwined with your very being. It wasn’t just a memory, far from this, it was the truth. 

"You remember," the god’s voice purred, Lilium, low and satisfied, resonating through your chest. "Your spirit was woven with ours from the beginning. You were lost, child, but you have found your way home."

A hollow ache settled in you, both frightening and strangely comforting. This darkness, this forgotten past, had always been part of you, waiting for you to come back. You weren’t just a visitor here; you were Ysli.

Lilium’s voice softened, almost gentle. "You are ready to see it all, to accept what you truly are. To walk in the shadows and find the power that has always waited for you here, when you would come home."

And in that moment, as you gazed at the ancient carvings and let the memories wash over you, you understood. There was no going back. You were as much a part of this darkness as it was of you, and whatever lay ahead, you would face it — not as a stranger, but as someone finally coming home.

Yet, you couldn’t help but wonder… Why did you escape this place before?

You wanted to question them, you wanted your answers.

Still, when you blinked again, everything started to dissolve like smoke, and the room around you slowly returned to reality. The abyss of SeteAlem was closing, but you knew it was still there, waiting, on the other side of a thin veil.

You finally turned to Amelie, your eyes misty, your breath heavy. She watched calmly, as if she knew exactly what had happened.

“You saw it, didn’t you?” she murmured, bowing her head slightly, as if in respect to your experience. “Now you understand. Sometimes, the gods of SeteAlem show us more than we are ready to see.”

The cup was still in your hands, empty. The drink was gone, but what it had revealed remained deeply etched in your mind. You didn’t even know how to explain to her, to them, what you were. Who you were.

[undertheshivers]

I have many of thoughts about TSC. But to start off, I'm incredibly curious about Jeremy.

This book is dual POV between Jean and Jeremy. But the story revolves around Jean's journey. I think it makes a lot of sense considering he's been through so much—he needs the focus and time to get to where he is at the end. He's ready to open up and become his own person now for the next book. If that focus wasn't there on him, we might not fully feel this. Or if the focus was equally split, it might be a lot for one book. Cause I think Jeremy's got his own demons.

We know it's hinted at throughout. But that's it. Hints. Even in Jeremy's POV we barely get any insight. @kevindavidday mentioned that this very much might be done on purpose to show how Jeremy deals with his issues. Or that he doesn't deal with them, instead he distracts himself with those around him and tries to help them (i.e. Jean).

So just to go over what we know:

- Jeremy has a tumultuous relationship with his family.

- His family does not like Exy. They resent him for it.

- He doesn't get along with his step grandfather.

- Something odd about his siblings.

- He specifically avoids his older brother.

- Something happened after one of the banquets.

- He's gone/going to therapy, which apparently had helped him significantly.

- Despite him not liking living at home, there's an insinuation that he has to.

One theory I really want to put out there is about Jeremy's siblings. When Jean learns about the siblings, Cat stutters before saying the number. It leads me to believe that Jeremy's second brother is dead.

Taking into account that we have one scene with Jeremy's sister and at least know his older brother is in the house, that leaves one sibling unaccounted for. And considering the pause before saying the number, I think this indicates Cat was going to say "Two."

Taking this theory, does this connect to the banquet? Or at least why his family doesn't like Exy? There seems to have been an event that changed their family forever. Did his brother die because of something related to Exy?

Also who is his grandfather? Wealthy and seems to be a horrible person considering Jeremy of all people does not like him at all. What did he do to get Jeremy not to like him? Is he going to be a bigger player in the next book? Does he have a similar threatening influence that many high power figures have in the series?

I'm really excited to get these answers. We've spent so much time with Jean and his journey, I'm wilding to see Jeremy's. And how Jean might help him, just like how has Jeremy helped Jean.

I have things to say about their dynamic, too, but I'll leave that for a different post.

[mrs-monaghan]

Claiming you are a OT7 army but pushing and promoting the hate towards taehyung makes you a hypocrite.

Jkkrs are slowly becoming the vermin by pushing false narratives to match their perception of taehyung. It has come to a point whereby we are also starting to base reality of Jikook around villainizing Taehyung. It disappointing honestly to undermine a 10+ year relationship that vmin publicly claimed as soulmates just becuz of social media posts. Dubbing words such as envious to a person Jimin deems important to him is utterly disrespectful.

At the end of the day... WE DO NOT KNOW THEM... so we should believe in their words rather than conspiracies that lead to outrageous conclusions. We jkkrs always preach about how we should only believe in what Jimin and Jungkook say but here we are disrespecting Jimin's words. Words that was just spoken in last week's Sapporo episode.

The truth of the matter is that Jimin and Taehyung are still very close. It justifiable hating Taehyung's subfandoms but hating him is not becuz it based off baseless theories.

More and more each day we jkkrs are starting to resemble the vermin. So fuckin disappointed.

I know you need a Jikooker to yell at, but I take issues when people accuse me of things I haven't personally done. Just because other Jikookers are acting a certain way, if I haven't done what they're doing, I resent being accused of it.

I. Shaz. Love. V. I wouldn't say that if I didnt. Trust me. Or don't. Either way, read this

I had this talk with some friends on discord but here is the thing. I may still care about V but I can understand why some people have washed their hands off of him. I've said this 1000 times but as long as Jikook keep loving V, so will I. But that doesn't have anything to do with holding V accountable for his actions. Jimin and JK may be okay with him, but us as fans are still allowed to question his behaviour.

Jikookers will complain that during FACE everyone and their dog made posts supporting the album except V. Then people like u will say, you don't know them personally, V probably praised him privately. And I would counter with the fact that V posted about Dday and TXT's album. Does that mean he didn't praise them privately???

Same thing happened with MUSE even though the guy finds a way to still be online all the time even while enlisted.

When Jikook were enlisting he posted that shirtless facetime screenshot of JK. Was Jimin not enlisting too?? Why didn't he post about him?

JK himself has come online to correct things that V said. Pointing out that, that's not how it happened. So if JK himself feels the need to correct misinformation, why are we being side eyed?

V promotes everyone except for Jimin, the vermin notice this just like we do and do you know what happens? They go to town on Jimin talking about how V only promotes good music. That Jimin makes garbage music and that's why V can't support it.

I assume you're here due to that post I just made about them not knowing eo as well as they used to. Bro, I ain't making this up. We have seen this with our own eyes. Them trying to guess things about eo and ending up being wrong. That wouldn't have happened way back when. I could talk about the many, many times he has gone quiet only to finally post when the fandom is focused on Jimin.

You say that we don't listen to members, except that's all I do. I watch Vmin chronologically and they're not the same. U would see it too if u did the same. Jimin seems tighter with Jungkook Jhope and V seems tighter with the Wooga Squad. And like I mentioned before, we've seen on original content JK come online to ammend something V said so... how is that me not listening to members? RM saying that V is not very good at self awareness, how is that not me listening to members?

Anon, Vmin aren't the same. U wanna live in denial thats fine. But don't be mad when those of us confident enough to talk about it, do.

.

.

.

Tkkrs hate Jimin because of his bond with JK. But Jimin has never done anything to V. Additionally he does things that makes those morons come for Jimin everyday. That's why jkkrs get upset with him. We don't have an issue with him just because he hangs out with JK or is the closest to JK (he's not) And that is why angry anon, we will never be like the vermin.

[marshmallowprotection]

Saejoong Choi didn't have a change of heart, and he said that himself to the player when prompted to choose between saying "goodbye" or asking him a question. His back was against the wall. There was nowhere for him to run after the agency was dismantled piece by piece and frankly, he understood it was only a matter of time until the other crimes he's committed over the years came to light.

Now, there weren't many options left for him at that point.

He could've tried to run to a neighboring country before anyone had a chance to nab him, but there would've been no guarantee of safety or asylum given how fast he had to run off after he attacked Saeran in the forest. No ally would take in a Prime Minister on the run for a long list of crimes we're not even entirely privy to in the game outside of all the things he did to Mother Choi, Saeyoung, and Saeran.

Considering the way he talks and holds himself when you prod him for answers about his backstory for Saeran's sake, you can infer he's done unspeakable things and paid for worse. Any attempt at trying to skip the country would lead to him being extradited to Seoul and held accountable for what he did. It would only delay the inevitable, and as awful as this man is, he knew running wouldn't save him at the end of the day which is why instead of fleeing the country, he stayed.

When you and Saeyoung are sitting at Saeran's hospital bed where he's pretending to be asleep because he's not ready to deal with his twin brother (also because Saejoong is hiding behind a curtain and Saeran knows what Saeyoung will do once he catches him because that's what he needs for closure and peace), three days have passed since the confrontation.

Saeran says that Saejoong came to visit him in the dead of night, and they've been talking since then about everything and anything. I truly don't think there's a wrong answer when it comes to asking yourself... "What did they talk about?"

Saeran could've been talking all about his life, his experiences, trials, tribulations, and how he's landed on... forgiveness in the end despite what others think about his personal choice. In fact, that's what I am sure of. I'm sure Saeran told Saejoong Choi about what he's had to face in life because of his father.

So many people in this fandom have this gigantic misconception about Saeran's choice to forgive, filled to the brim with this idea that his forgiving his abusers means that he's absolved them of their guilt, or he's saying that he's forgiven them to give them a second chance.

It's because so many cultures across the globe have taught us that the idea of forgiveness is black and white. "Forgive and forget" isn't that what we've all heard? But, that's not the only way. Sometimes, you can forgive someone for what they did to find peace, but not to allow that person back into your life. You appreciate the apology but it won't change that this person is the last person you want to see in your life. You take the apology and send them packing after that for peace of mind.

Because an apology isn't supposed to be self-serving. Apologies aren't meant to make you feel better. It's supposed to show others that you're holding yourself accountable for what you did, and that you promise to do better, whether or not you hold contact with whoever you hurt after you give your apology. Sometimes, an apology isn't wanted, either.

If you try to force an apology on someone who has told you to "fuck off" already, then that's self-serving, isn't it?

For Saeran Choi, forgiving the people who deeply hurt him was about learning how to find the strength inside of his heart to forgive himself for what he did not only to the player but to others as well. Because... his idea of strength in Mint Eye, both Ray and Suit Saeran's idea... the very personas they adopted took facets from the people who hurt the two of them.

Especially Suit Saeran, mind you, who took parts of Rika, Mother Choi, and Saejoong to blanket himself in the idea that "If I am the largest monster, the other monsters can't eat me."

He screams a line of abuse that his mother once shouted at him when he was a little boy before he realizes who the words belonged to in the first place. He's building off of the horrible things his Mother said, later confessing that the abuse was meant for himself even if it hurt you as well, because he hated what he was doing but he knew if he didn't become "strong"—you and Ray would be killed.

He repeated line after line of a torture script Rika fed to him while he was in the basement to maintain the disgusting illusion Rika wanted so she would never think to destroy him... because he was "strong in the real way". Even though a part of him understood he would never be good enough in Rika's eyes. That's why Suit Saeran's onslaught of destruction crumbles in the end.

Because, no matter how much Rika tried to break his gentle heart, no amount of hatred could ever change what his heart truly felt. Sure, it is important to note that while understanding why Suit Saeran did what he did is how you learn the full picture, it doesn't absolve him of his actions.

You have a choice to forgive him in Ray Route, and you don't have to forgive him right away, you can even say that you don't think you can forgive him, and he accepts whatever answer you give him because... that's what forgiveness or the lack therefor looks like that. You're the only one who can decide what you want to feel, and there's no shame in whatever you choose to find peace.

You ultimately forgive Saeran in the end, broadly speaking from the way the RAE is written if you decide to move forward with him. But, there's one person who doesn't hold forgiveness in his heart.

You know who doesn't forgive himself? Suit Saeran. He didn't forgive himself and that holds true even in the RAE. His feelings of pain still exist in GE Saeran's heart, and it's not only his feelings that lead him to choose forgiveness, it's also Ray's desire to hold onto his dream of being able to see the full picture without blinders.

He did such awful things, he understands that, but if they don't see the full story for what it is, how can they move forward?

It's Ray's voice that speaks the loudest when they confront Rika on Day 10. That's when Saeran and Ray both see Rika for what she is... and how her heart is fraught with despair and pain. They see what reasoning she's been using all along, and it took Saeran doing the same thing to see things for what they were. He realized it when a world of cruelty couldn't protect him, only destroy the things he'd been trying to protect.

You can't use cruelty to justify your actions. You're just perpetuating what was done to you. Frankly, that's a huge realization for someone to have. That's the kind of damning realization you have somewhere in your healing process when you either do something wrong yourself or you see it perpetuated against someone you love instead of you... and you can't deny it for what it is.

"You're scared to step outside, aren't you? You're scared that people will leave you, Rika. Like you said, you don't want to be abandoned by someone, like how you were by your parents. That's why you're not leaving the people who came here, Rika. I see it now. You're trying to force everyone to do something," he says.

"Saeran told me this, and he said you'll always be heartless to the believers… because you'll do the exact same heartless thing they did to you. Saeran told me he did something heartless, too, because he didn't want to suffer such heartless things himself… and you're just hurting people because you're scared you'll get hurt, aren't you? And you're trying to justify your abuse, just like how your parents tried to justify their cruelty against you."

If that's what led Rika down this path, among other factors, what sort of path did his parents follow? Why? Why do people do these things? What leads them to make these choices? Does it even matter?

Does it make a difference if you know why someone tried to justify their wrongdoing? Well, that's a complicated question, isn't it? The answer many people have is that they don't want the backstory, they want to see the person who hurt them face the consequences.

But, it's not fair for anyone to tell someone who feels differently that they're wrong for wanting to hear someone out. Everyone has to do things their own way, and if you don't want to hear someone explain themselves, don't seek it out. But, this is something Saeran wanted, and to tell him he's wrong for wanting that isn't it.

How can Saeran forgive himself if he doesn't understand why the people who hurt him did what they did?

He understands why hate had to fill his heart to survive in Mint Eye, but why did Rika choose to embrace hatred? Why did Saejoong Choi decide to inflict pain onto the world? Why did his Mother hate him with every fiber of her being? He doesn't know why, and he knows he can't make the full picture if he doesn't hear the half of it from them.

Even if it's bullshit, even if it doesn't bring him peace, he wants to hear the words they have to say.

He wants to hear it.

For his peace, he wants to hear their side so he can better grasp why hatred filled his heart, too... not just because it was beaten into him to survive Mint Eye... because hatred was always a part of him. Hate and anger are emotions, just as much as love and kindness, and they are important to acknowledge. We can't deny them, and you should never live in fear of your "uglier" emotions, either.

But, anger nearly destroyed Saeran because he let it control him to survive under Rika's thumb, and he never wants to live that way ever again. He would rather choose understanding and kindness when... death is on the horizon. He doesn't want to live his life torn apart with agony, debating the rights and wrongs of every choice he's made to survive, he wants to embrace the answers of life and why people do what they do, knowing his kindness is his strongest ally in the face of cruelty.

His strongest power, his greatest ability, has always been his gentle heart.

I've spoken at length about Rika and Mother Choi before, but I don't think I've ever fully spoken about Saejoong here. Which is where I'm taking this particular post. It's easy to point out the trauma Saeran experienced via the maternal figures in his life, but the game doesn't go as deeply into his feelings about paternal figures. Sure, we have a lot on Jihyun, but Saejoong?

You'll find more about Saejoong within Saeyoung's heart because he hates that man with all his heart, every fiber of his soul, and anytime we're subjected to Saeyoung's perspective, we see things as they are. The valid and correct assumption is that Saejoong Choi is a monster in charge of many facets of the country, pretending to be a man of the people when he's actually a wolf in sheep's clothing.

We know what Saeyoung thinks of him because his worst nightmare is becoming a man like him.

But, Saeran? Saeran is a gentle boy, with a kind heart, and that's the definition every character who's ever interacted with him as a small child has ever said about him. He was terrified of his mother and his father, he gave some grace to his mother because she "protected us from father by not letting him have us" even though he understands she was only using them for alcohol money.

He's always tried to understand others even if those people aren't the types of people anyone would ever want to understand. Because, as the story goes, "Nice backstory, that's still murder, though!" I'm with Saeyoung on this one, but that doesn't mean I can't value what our Saeran desires most of all. He wanted to hear Saejoong's story, and that's why I purposefully don't choose the options where I lash out at this man even though he deserves it in my eyes.

I chose the options that gave Saeran what he needed to learn how to forgive himself.

But, there's a lot of language in your ultimate confrontation with Saejoong Choi that stands out to me for good reason. I think the point that stood out at first was: "You know, he's been giving me nonsense all morning. Now, I think I understand what that came from". That was Saejoong's retort to how you stated the obvious, Saeyoung and Saeran were never a threat to him, he was the one who'd decided they were a threat to him.

But, you keep laying into the Prime Minster, poking and prodding again and again, seeking out the answers you know Saeran wants. You're not sure if Saeran is alive or dead in that moment, so you're reaching out with his desire... the burning desire in Saeran's heart that wants to UNDERSTAND no matter how childish people may want to call that desire.

But, he pointed out that you sounded a lot like Saeran did when he was trying to speak to his father before you arrived. So, let's take a step back for a second and think about something important.

What does our Suit Saeran wear as he pretends to be the strongest of them all?

What does he cloak himself in to feel like a monster? He wears a suit. Not once does he possess the words his father might've spoken had they ever met when he was a little boy, rather, he wears an ill-fitting suit that's far more suited to the man who looms over him like a tree, casting a shadow around Saeran.

That's something that hasn't really been touched on by anyone over the years as far as I can tell but it's haunted me. Suit Saeran takes a piece of every person who hurt him... to become what Rika claims is "strong". His wearing a suit isn't just a fun style choice, it's by design. Shouting his mother and Rika's words wearing a suit that will never fit him, all the while crumbling in all himself because this isn't who he is and he hates every second of it.

What's scarier than the awful words of his maternal figures and the suit that terrified him?

That's why "those cruel words were meant for me" is what he says in his apology. He saw himself as a coward who couldn't do anything but obey Rika's cruel order to become the strongest believer of Mint Eye. He abandoned his kindness because he didn't have a choice in the matter, he had to do heartless things to survive, and that's what spurns him to look deeper at Rika later on. She must've felt the same thing she made him feel... so, could the same be said for his mother and father?

When do people accept cruelty into their hearts? When do they decide that they should let cruelty lead to more cruelty? Why do people attempt to justify cruelty? He doesn't know, and that's... hugely why he wants time to himself away from the front, leaving both you and Ray together to take care of one another while he sits with himself to reflect and learn.

The very notion that wearing a suit jacket could make him look like a monster comes from the phantom memory of men in suits he always feared were lurking around the corner, though.

There's actually an entry about that in baby Saeran's diary after he begins to attend the cathedral when his brother disappears. He says that men in suits have started appearing and he thinks that they're following him to and from church every day. What's scarier than the man in the jacket? Saeran's fear of his father is the fear of a man in a suit who could do horrible things—unspeakable things—to him, and it's one of the reasons why he embraced his mother.

He would rather have the devil he knows than the devil he doesn't.

At the very least, he knows what his mother will do to him if he does something wrong. But, Saejoong Choi? He doesn't know what might happen if that man gets him, and Mother Choi did nothing but fill his head with "what if"'s since he and Saeyoung were old enough to hear her speak and understand what she meant.

Suit Saeran adopts those clothes to make himself fit the "part". It's no different than how Ray tries to fit the big clothes that Rika made him wear, trying to fill the role she created for him even though that role would never be him. I'm not sure if Suit Saeran was conscious of his decision to wear a suit jacket, but I know regardless of his awareness of it, it was a choice he made and it's arguably reasonable to say the decision came from this childhood fear of his.

During his apology scene, he reflects on his actions and what led him to this point, but he has one question that can only be answered by... you.

Saeran: My darkness is melting away, but you still remain the way you are... how can you stay the same? You: I thought you were being mean to me because you were terribly wounded in the past. Saeran: You understood me. I didn't expect you to do so... I should thank you, shouldn't I? Thank you... for understanding me.

Your ability to see beyond the surface and attempt to understand Saeran validates his heart's desire to do the same. This is why the very moment you confront Saejoong, he tries to claim you're why Saeran spoke to him with understanding instead of ire, but that's assuredly not the case. You lifted Saeran and reminded his heart about his gentle desires, but his words are his alone.

He speaks for himself. No longer will people put words in his mouth. His autonomy is his.

Saejoong: I've done nothing wrong. You know nothing about me... there's no way some good-as-good-weakling is happier than me. The survivor is the victor, you see! Which is why I only win when I survive and be the best.

Suit Saeran's survival is the survival of the fittest. The idea that you have to be at the top of the food chain to survive no matter what. That's not how it works at the end of the day. It's not about being the strongest... not about being the top dog. Survival happens because the species in question ends up with the best chance to adapt to an ever-changing environment for one reason or another. Humans got lucky, that's all, and there's no magical tier of strength here to thank for it.

People misunderstand what that phrase means.

But, I'm not surprised when I see Saejoong pull it out of his ass like that because he's the kind of man who thrives with that ideology at the end of the day... and it's why this particular confrontation is for Suit Saeran's weary heart, just... as the confrontation with Rika was more for Ray than it was for Suit Saeran.

There are parallels here for a reason.

That's not to say that they didn't need both confrontations, that only Saeran needed this or Ray only needed that, but there's something they both needed out of these conversations, and one boy needed the Rika talk and the other the Saejoong talk for the full scope of their particular experience. It's how they find peace, it's how GE Saeran is able to give peace to the two sides of his heart that brought him into being.

How miserable it is for someone to claim to be the strongest. That's something Suit Saeran knew well. It's isolating, isn't it? It's dark and hopeless, isn't it? You get what you want by stepping on the backs of others, but all you're left with is cruelty. You lose yourself to anger... to heartless acts. You live in denial, too, and that's something Saeran's able to see from a mile away when he looks at Saejoong and Rika in the end.

Their goals might be different, but he sees no difference in the path people walk to subscribe to the survival of the fittest. Rika was scared of being abandoned, so she made people terrified to leave her behind in the dust, rather than embrace her fear and confess her fears to get help. She could've done things differently, but she turned away from the world, and embraced a twisted ideology instead.

Saejoong abandoned an honest living, spitting the face of those who shine shoes in favor of clawing his way to the top, because we're left to presume he started with sincere intentions, only to abandon them in the name of securing total power for himself the way he assumed everyone else was.

Sure, is it very naive and perhaps even too hopeful to assume people won't walk all over you for choosing an honest path like the one that Saeran wants to walk? Maybe, maybe it is stupid to walk down a road you know will be harder than the rest, but the question to ask is: Will you be able to live with yourself at the end of your life if you take the cruelest path instead? You won't be able to take what you get by destroying others into the next world, so why?

Why destroy anyone in the first place?

That's why when Saejoong tells you there's no turning back for him now, he realizes that there's nothing left for him if he accepts what's coming for him. He doesn't want to take accountability because he's well aware of what's on the other side. He can't change what he did to people, and he'll have to live with that forever, so why not go with the sunk-cost fallacy? It's already fucked, why not make sure it's fucked for good?

Commit to the bit until the very end no matter what since you can't live with yourself otherwise. I've seen it before... so many times. Why ever hold yourself accountable when it means you have to face what you've done and consequences that come with it? Why not keep the charade going forever instead of doing the hard work to make things right? It's because they don't want to do it. They know what they did, and they don't want to destroy themselves in the process of making things right.

That's what I call selfish. Because, if you have enough awareness to understand the consequences of your actions, you've got enough to understand what your actions did to your victim. If you're thinking of how your life will be ruined by owning up to your actions, then you're not truly thinking of atonement or making things right. You're simply serving your own satisfaction.

Saejoong saying, "I've done what I've done and there's changing it, so I may as well keep going until I can't go anymore" is his way of saying that he won't stop pushing because he knows what awaits him at the end of his wicked road. He deserves to live with that shame forever if you ask me. Given his quick response to try and blame the player for Saeran's injuries at the start, and his honesty in what he would do to his sons to serve his own needs?

Yeah, it's easy to see what kind of man he is. Blame everyone else for his problems instead of facing himself in the mirror.

Saeran and MC offer Saejoong something many of us don't think he deserves, rightfully so mind you, and that's the understanding that he won't get from anyone else. MC's understanding of Suit Saeran... and Saeran's understanding of what it felt like to stare the sunk-cost in the face (Suit Saeran's Bad Ending where he breaks the player and tries to bring them back with the only thing he knows—torment—but MC's Humpty Dumpty and can't be put back together again because of what he did).

You: You must be so lonely. Saeran: My poor father... you've never met someone who understands you, right?

With that in mind, does any of this mean that Saejoong had that change of heart? As I said earlier, no, it doesn't. He isn't going to change overnight and he's not going to have a place in Saeran's freedom. But, Saeran's kindness... the kindness he extended to a horrible man who would never give him the same grace if the roles were reversed? It made a difference. Saejoong was mystified by his son because of his kindness.

Saeran and Saeyoung spent their lives on the run... always crawling under the dirt to hide from him. They've suffered in ways Saejoong had to taste for only two days before he decided to seek out his son. That's the thing, Saejoong experienced Saeran's understanding right before he ran off, no different than how his illegitimate twins had to run away from him every day of their lives—and as that kindness sat with him, he had to live with it.

He had to live with the fact that his son would live a better life than he could've ever dreamed of for himself because his son wasn't afraid to walk an honest road, no matter how many people would call him the fool for it. If a boy he considered a nuisance, a pest, a mere bug under his feet could do that—who's to say he couldn't have done that from the very beginning himself?

Don't get me wrong, this realization isn't Saejoong changing for the better or anything. He's self-aware enough to say that he isn't going to change for the better in the end because he's already done what he's done and there's no changing it. He lived a fraction of what he made his sons live and he came out of it knowing he'd rather sit in prison than have to live how he made them live.

That says more about how spineless he is than anything. He can't believe Saeran extended understanding and empathy to him after experiencing what Saeran and Saeyoung did for only two days... but in doing so, his kindness gave Saejoong Choi something he'd never get from anyone else. Because he certainly didn't hear kindness in the time he spent with Saeyoung. He's thinking to himself, "I made those boys feel like this for twenty years, and yet, that boy still said those kind words to me."

Hell, it's plausible that one of the reasons why Saejoong was so damn mystified was because Saeyoung gave him everything he expected... all the hatred, the ire, and the venom from a child forced to crawl in a den of mud and spikes to survive.

But—Saeran didn't.

Saeran broke his expectations and left that man reeling. Saejoong Choi scoffed at true honesty, kindness, and sincerity for years only to come face to face with it at the end of his rope with nothing to say for himself in his defense but a pitiful, spineless display of self-satisfying justification.

"Now that I've lost everything, I just can't stop thinking about that nonsense you said to me. Once they get me, I won't have to pant and hide. I couldn't find a way to live a beautiful life, but maybe you two… anyway, that's all I've got to say. Thank you for telling me all that. For saying that to someone like me…. Just so you know, people don't change. It's not easy for people to change. But, you two would do anything to change someone like me."

Saeran is someone Saejoong can't get a read on because he's never encountered someone so honest and genuine with his intent. He has nothing to say for himself because there is no excuse for what he did to Saeran and Saeyoung. He simply did it because he could and there was no pause or hesitation as to what his actions would do to them... because he only cared to satisfy his own desires. Why be kind if your world will stomp on you no matter what?

Why choose naivety if it won't serve your goals? Saejoong abandoned any hope of following an honest road when he decided kindness was a weakness, similar to how Rika scoffed at the player when you say to her in no uncertain terms that she is only one who thinks kindness is weak.

Saejoong says something similar when you confront him, too.

"Love? You think I have time to even feel love? At least weaklings would have had time to do that. Meeting someone like you, falling in love, and throwing your life away for love, like some soap opera... I had no time to do that. I must break the rules one by one to step higher, and then I must all my remaining energy to hide what I've done," he said.

"And the only thing that's left for me after that is feigned relations and cruelty... as well as wealth and honor. Love? For me? In this situation? Haha... impossible. It means nothing to me now. Which is why I must show no mercy. I'll use these Saeyoung and Saeran for my own good until they're dead... otherwise, I'll be dead."

Sunk-cost fallacy.

Out of the things they talked about that night before the morning came, I like to think that Saejoong was further surprised by what Saeran would say to him about Saeyoung. Because make no mistake here, I will tell you without a shadow of a doubt that our Saeran told Saejoong that if he wanted to do the right thing and put an end to the chase, he would turn himself into Saeyoung specifically.

Saeran knows his brother will never forgive this man. Forgiveness isn't what his brother needs. Saeyoung needs to reclaim his sense of power over Saejoong and put that damn man beneath him so he's never haunted at night by the idea of that man coming to kill him or his loved ones.

Saeran may not agree with violence, but he knows his brother even if they've been apart forever, and he knows Saeyoung needs to clock that man with a good right-hook to know his brother is safe, among saying his peace.

It's the fact that Saeran is capable of great kindness, but also an even greater understanding, because he can say what he wants but also communicate what his brother wants, even if it doesn't align with his personal choice. He's selfless, not selfish, in his desire to be kind to others... but that doesn't mean he's incapable of being selfish, either. When he broke down in tears in front of V and Rika, he was honest in saying what he wanted, and later, when you hear Saeran in your head on your quest to find him before it's too late—

You hear him say that he lied because he does want to live with you for the rest of your lives, and you know that in your heart. Just as he wants to be selfless and brave, he also yearns to be selfish and with you forever. That's what makes him human. That's what makes all of us human.

Saeran wants everyone to have whatever they need to find peace, no matter what it is.

The fact that Saejoong willingly accepted that request, or decided himself to face Saeyoung, is something that often mystifies me... even to this day. Saejoong understands two things, one for each of his sons. He knows that he'll never understand how Saeran became kind despite his hardship but Saeran tried to understand him in spite of Saejoong's cruelty, and that Saeyoung is similar to him, in that he will never rest nor be satisfied until he gets what he wants out of the people against him.

Offering Saeran a final talk to clear up anything else his son might want and Saeyoung the chance to beat his father down when he needs to know the monster can't hurt him anymore? We can talk forever about why he decided to do those things, argue if there's been a change of heart or if some magical deux ex machina made things better, but...

At the end of the day, I understand that Mystic Messenger tries to paint this ending as more hopeful, with the notion that people can take accountability for their actions, and the real world isn't always like that. Someone like Saejoong isn't likely to hold up to any mirrors and reflection on what he's become and/or what he's been forever to the people around him, but... I just can't deny it's having the situation handled with some realism that brings me peace.

Sure, it's escapist fantasy, there are certain aspects here that just don't align with what it might go in the real world, but... it doesn't change the fact that there are pieces to these conversations that hold value to people in real life who needs to hear and see outcomes like this.

Because, there's sweet satisfaction in my heart knowing Saeyoung is about to get the chance to beat this man within an inch of his life for whatever thirty-second pass Vanderwood gave him before they have to take him in for the police; and with the knowledge that Saeran got what he wanted out his final conversation with his father, and he isn't afraid of the man in a suit jacket anymore because that suit holds no power over him, because he chose his peace.

The boys both got what they needed. As a victim who identifies strongly with many of the characters in this game, seeing them get that gave me peace. That's what matters to me. Not a debate about what Saejoong Choi feels here or if he truly changed his mind about what's right or wrong. His victims finally have their freedom, and he can't hurt them anymore.

It's why at the very end of the RAE, my favorite option to the toast is "Love will prevail", because that's the moral of the story. Kindness is the strongest weapon you possess, and it's that kindness you share with every member of the RFA that helps them find peace in the end. Your kindness is what prevails, and how you reach the good ending to every route.

[honeytonedhottie]

trusting and betting on urself⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🫧

keep promises that u make to urself : just like how if u know someone who continuously makes promises to do something, yet they never act upon it, you won't trust that person or believe them if they promise u something else. this is also the same with urself. ur new years resolutions? ur goals that you've had for a while but never ever did? all those promises that you've made to yourself and the ones that you haven't followed up on will lessen trust with urself. do what u say you'll do. "stand on business" and if u know that u won't be able to deliver or do what u say you would, dont say it. dont tell urself promises that u won't be able to keep. once u start keeping ur own promises, you'll start to build trust within urself.

hold yourself accountable : just a quick disclaimer but when i say holding urself accountable i do NOT mean punishing urself!! when u find urself falling into old and fruitless patterns you need to hold urself accountable and make sure that u straighten up. the thing about our relationship with self is that a relationship needs BOUNDARIES. you need to set boundaries with urself. what will u or what will u not do? ur non-negotiables?

and when u find urself crossing boundaries within yourself take the BIGGEST step back. the key to forming a healthy relationship with urself is to balance being strict and gentle with urself. strict in the sense that ur the only one that can get u to where u wanna be, and gentle in the sense that ur best won't look the same every single day and u should also listen to urself and what u want, without having to compromise on ur boundaries. kind of finding that middle line is important, bcuz when we're too lenient with ourselves, we get too comfortable and that leads me into my next point...

where growth begins : u cannot expect to grow if ur too comfortable and honestly, this is why most people stay stagnant. its bcuz being comfortable FEELS GOOD. but growth will almost never happen when ur comfortable, on the contrary growth can only happen outside of ur comfort zone. if u want better things for urself, ur simply gonna have to DO BETTER.

the importance of ur self concept : even if ur not familiar with or u dont practice conscious manifesting/law of assumption, i think that working on ur self concept can still be such a fruitful thing to do. i say this because self concept is the way that u view urself in relation to ur desires/goals. its seeing urself as worthy and powerful, and truly grasping ur potential to do great things. a way to start with ur self concept is with affirmations! start telling urself about urself in a positive connotation. you're unstoppable <3

putting it into practice : start small, challenge urself a little bit every day. do one hard thing a day, doing so will build ur confidence bcuz u won't be so daunted by ur big goals when you've already done so many hard things. when u see something challenging instead of thinking "oh i can't do this" you'll have confidence in urself and what u are capable of. oftentimes when we have goals, we kick ourselves out of rooms before we've even tried to get in them bcuz we think "im not good enough" or "im not worthy" which isnt true at ALL. dont shoot urself in the foot. thats self sabotage. and thats not hot.

motivating urself : if u remind urself of your "why" then you'll have reason to stay consistent and truly try. i recommend asking urself the tougher questions, like "what do i want out of my life?" or "am i truly happy and if not what can i do to get there?" once you've decided what u want out of life make a VISION BOARD and actively pursue your dreams. u can't actively pursue something if u dont know what it is. so i advise u to remind urself whenever u feel that u need it of your "why", your driving cause. having that motivation, and actively pursuing and keeping the promises that u make to urself -> will then build ur confidence in yourself to the point where your betting on urself bcuz u know that no matter what cards you are dealt, you'll prosper.

so just to wrap things up, an overview ; start keeping ur promises -> be strict -> get comfy being uncomfy -> say ur self concept affirmations -> apply -> remind