#and also because we've done accounts before

[apollocabinrep]

I really don't think ppl understand because I talk about this with one of my friends (he has been in several cringe relationships over the years I have known him because we've been through TRENCHES together) all the time. This is Nico's first REQUITED romance. It is his first time being in a relationship and he has ZERO clue what he is doing. All he really knows is pain, wars, suffering, loss, etc. While I admit TSATS wasn't great. There were certain scenes that were definitely out of character or off, but a MAJORITY of it was Nico not being TRAUMATIZED. He was in a place where he could HEAL. And, he's 14-15, the age of a FRESHMAN IN HIGH SCHOOL (for those in the United States), it is going to be awkward and cringe-worthy, but if you think at 14/15 your relationships weren't, you are most definitely wrong. None of us had any idea what we were really doing dating at that point in our lives. Now, onto William Andrew Solace, because I know there will be people who will argue that it could possibly not be his first relationship as he is canonically bisexual and we have 0 clue how he discovered his sexuality. (Thanks Rick...) IF, and that's a big if, he dated ANYONE before Nico, once again take his age into account and WHEN he could have possibly done so. At age 12/13, he took over as head counsler of the Apollo Cabin after the deaths of quite literally 98% of the siblings he had. Regardless of how many you think there were, he was left with TWO siblings where they were previously the second largest cabin. Right after Manhattan, the NEXT quest happens. While yes, it IS theoretically possible he had a relationship in the timespan before the attack on CHB, he was 15!!!! I can assure you, if he was dating then, there isn't a high chance he was focused on the person he was with everything considered. Without my own personal headcanons (because I do have quite a bit, but they are certainly biased). canonically he reaches out to Nico in the war to touch his vitals. He's a medic, it's what he does. Will NEVER gives up on Nico, and pushes him to recovery. While we, unfortunately, do not get to see how they fell in love, we can tell that Will is navigating this relationship just as carefully. He doesn't want to hurt Nico, instead wanting to understand him. Will is a dorky teenager, so is Nico. They also match each other's energy. Will is CANONICALLY interested in true crime. Will isn't perfect though, and he struggles in understanding just like any other human being.

If you think Will and Nico are rlly cringe in tsats then you've clearly never been in a long term teenage relationship. Yes it might be cringe to read but if you're in a relationship it's rlly not

[thethingything]

also though this dentist is genuinely the best dentist we've ever had.

she was really understanding about us having issues with toothpaste and we asked if she had any recommendations for alternatives we could try to see if those help and she gave us some options to look into so that's cool.

she also took our medical trauma into account and kept checking if we were okay throughout the appointment and asking if we needed to take breaks and we've never had a dentist do that before.

she warned us about what each tool would feel like too and actually warned us if something was going to be painful which like, I would in fact rather be warned that "this is going to be uncomfortable in this way" and "yeah this is gonna feel really bad for a few days but that's normal" than have someone try to reassure us that it won't be that bad only for it to get really painful.

our next appointment is to have a tooth removed and she explained the procedure to us and how that normally goes, and then we asked if we can take the tooth home afterwards and I can only assume from the look on her face that she's never been asked that before, but she was like "yeah I don't see why not, it is yours after all" so that's cool

[fanfictionlibrary01]

AO3 works being stolen and posted on rivd.net

What is happening, and what you can do. Check for edits with additions at the end of the post!

We've posted these infos in our Discord server, but want to make them accessible for more of you AO3 and fanfic folks out there. What is happening? A user called "Fanfic Books" on the site https://rivd.net is posting over a million of fanfics since May 18th (account creation time of that user), all of which seem to be stolen from AO3 users. You can check if your works were stolen by searching your AO3 username on that site. Reporting this on the site is tedious, and contains so much requested data and personal (sensitive) information about you that is just seems sketchy and like they want to grab your data to sell it off again. (See this for more on that.) That a virus called "rivd" apparently also exists does not help their case. Since the person posting the works is also listed as Moderator of the website, chances of successful reports are, by our estimation, very small to non-existant. (As you can look up here.) Creating an account on that site is also tedious - after trying it, the feedback was that a moderator needs to approve of my account creation request. How long that is supposed to take is not known. What can you do? We deduced - through admittedly rushed, because we felt like time was of the essence, and and sparce, checks - that people who have their works locked on AO3 have not been affected. (At all/as much is not to say, it's our best hope and theory rn.) We advised our server members to lock their AO3 works for the time being, as that currently seems like the only prevention method available. A great tutorial for how to lock all your AO3 works at once has been posted here. Kudos to this X/Twitter post that seemed to have started the spread of information, and others relaying the infos (like e.g. r/AO3 on Reddit). Edit (0,5h after initial post):

With permission of the author on AO3, here are screenshots from when I checked if their works (unlocked on AO3) were stolen. Searching for works of the FFL Discord server's admin, who has them locked on AO3, resulted no matches on the rivd site - hence the theory/recommendation that locking your AO3 works helps.

Edit 2 (4h after initial post):

There also seems to be a new occurrence that the fanfiction tab has been emptied/does not contain (publically displayed) fanfics anymore. What this means and if the fanfics are really taken down is unclear, but given that the anime fanfic category that once existed is seemingly completely gone, something is being done. Rumor is that a mass report of DMCA at Cloudflare caused this - it feels like a win either way!

Edit 3 (23h after initial post):

It seems like rivd.net is now completely down/inaccessible. See last attached screenshot in this post! No infos on what this means or what caused this are available atm, but like before, it feels like a small win!

[peppermintquartz]

Canon divergence in that Buck does call Tommy the next time he's free, asking to go up in a chopper (instead of the harebrained scheme of going to the BBPU game)

+-

"And that's my favorite view," says Tommy, angling the helicopter to face the Pacific. It's late in the morning so sunlight glitters on the water like diamonds scattered on blue silk.

Buck shields his eyes with his hands. "It's beautiful!" he exclaims, almost giddy with delight at the panorama.

"It is. And at night, I like to look the other way, at the city spread out before me." Tommy's aviator sunglasses hide his eyes but his big smile is on full display.

Buck can't help the shiver in his belly every time he looks at Tommy. It's clear the air is his element. Already Buck knows that Tommy is very competent - they wouldn't have pulled off the rescue otherwise - but here, without anything to distract them, Buck sees how the chopper is an extension of Tommy himself. A deft touch, a slight adjustment, and the vehicle moves smoothly for Tommy to point out different landmarks from the sky.

By the time they land, Buck's spirits are still soaring. He's spent forty minutes flying with Tommy, who not only talked about the mechanics of flying, but also answered almost all of Buck's questions without ever sounding bored. In fact, he seems happy that Buck has done some research before he came for the ride.

"Okay, now I really need to buy you that beer, and also a meal." Buck wants to bounce on his heels. He feels lighter than air, like he's just a balloon full of happy emotions.

Tommy grins, shrugging as he tucks his aviators into a pocket. "I'm free for the rest of the day," he says. Ducking his head, he adds, "Didn't feel too good leaving you alone the other day to go watch the fight, but I didn't think we'd take two hours to tour Harbor Station either."

Buck's cheeks flush. He remembers being irrationally angry when Eddie and Tommy flew off, and he did go home to pummel his pillow a little before sulking. But he's done the mature thing, which is ask Tommy for a flight demo, instead of something insane like figure out what other activities he would be doing or events he would attend and try to show up there like a toy surprise.

"Well, that was because I wanted to find out so much, and it's really your fault, because you answered everything in detail." Buck falls in step with the older man as they head to Tommy's car. "You have to be accountable for your mistakes."

Tommy laughs. Buck feels tingly and proud that he's made that happen. Daringly, he nudges Tommy's elbow with his.

"So, what would you like for lunch?" Buck asks. "My treat, as thanks for the flight."

"Sure," says Tommy with an easy smile. As they approach the car, Tommy halts.

Buck stops as well, a little concerned. "Everything okay?"

Tilting his head, Tommy studies Buck, and then his expression grows a little more nervous and serious. "I... I don't wanna presume anything, and I want you to know that, regardless of anything I'm about to say, I wanna be your friend."

Buck blinks at the older man. "Okay, um. What's this about?"

"Evan, before we go to lunch, I kinda wanna know what's going on here? I mean..." Tommy licks his lips, and Buck's gaze snaps to Tommy's mouth. "You're adorable and you're funny and, well. You're a gorgeous guy. I'm not... I'm not really sure why you wanna spend time with me. And I don't wanna get my hopes up if this is just me reading the signs wrongly."

"Uh, signs?"

Tommy's face falls. He glances away, wiping his hand over his mouth, and licks his lips again. "Shit. I've read you wrong."

Buck reaches out to touch Tommy's wrist. "Tommy, I'm not sure what you're saying."

Tommy looks back at Buck, blue eyes taking in the younger man's expression, and sighs. He flips his hand over to hold the tips of Buck's fingers.

"Hell. Might as well lay my cards out," he mutters, mostly to himself, and then looks - really looks - at Buck. "Evan, I'm gay. And these couple times we've met up, I really, really like how we click. I like your energy, and how earnest and open you are. And it doesn't hurt that you are one of the most attractive men I've ever met, and I really like spending time with you, and I'm hoping... I'm hoping I can ask you out for a date and maybe we can... find out if we could. If we could be more than friends."

There's an anxious cast to his features. Buck can see Tommy's jaw clench and the nervous swallow, and a part of Buck's mind is screaming static. Another part of him is frantically stammering, "I'm just an ally!!" But thankfully that part of him has no control of his mouth, because he instead steps closer to Tommy and-

Oh. Oh.

So that's how it feels to kiss a guy.

He pulls back slightly, but is stopped by the touch of fingers under his chin, and Tommy draws him back for a second kiss, his head angled, and-

Wow. Wow, okay. They're near the airfield in the parking lot and the breeze is cool and the sun is shining nice and warm and they are kissing, Buck is kissing Tommy and this feels right.

When they finally separate, possibly two centuries later, Buck blinks at Tommy. His face feels hot and his skin is tingling. With a small, happy grin, he says, "I would say yes to the date, if that helps."

Tommy chuckles. He licks his lips again and Buck forces himself to look away from those lips. "Okay. I'd like to ask you out on a date on Saturday night, if you're free."

"I... I'm free." Buck's grin grows brighter. He tilts his head. "Lunch, now?"

[theminecraftbee]

being in true sexyman nostalgia mode today (on account of. IT'S BEEN ONE YEAR BABY.) i think one of the most fascinating things about it is that we will never manage to do that again. like, not in a "we couldn't organize it better" way; there were better ways to do the spreadsheet, we would just turn off comments on posts and anon asks from day one so that we wouldn't then get people accusing us of censorship while we tried and failed to control the tide of things that ended up in the comments and inbox, we'd definitely have a WAY higher non-hermit contingent, both thanks to qsmp and thanks to the sexyman blog and medusa now having MUCH wider reach to other corners of the fandom and the original spread not all rooting at me, etc.

but the reason we couldn't do it again is that i don't know if we could ever replicate the exact circumstances that lead to it blowing up quite to the extent it blew up.

it was while tumblr polls and doing tumblr poll brackets on tumblr itself was still new-ish, and people were still excited about them. the idea of a mcytblr bracket was basically brand new; i won't claim we did it FIRST (because i have no idea if we did and doubt we did), but certainly we did it big first. so there's that; we can never again invent in real time "shit people are sending us threats about fraud lets legalize fraud because its funny, we can't stop it, and that neutralizes that drama as a thing anyone will take seriously", and then in turn accidentally invent a fandom culture of. um. wide-spread voter fraud.

(i don't know if we should apologize for, uh, causing the specific way mcytblr voter frauds. i still think it was better than the alternative at least, especially after seeing how so many other polls crashed and burned after us. there were MANY things we could have done better but i have seen SO MANY ways we could have done things worse since then so i think we came out looking pretty okay.)

but also: february 2023 was a very different time in mcytblr. we were in a hermitcraft dead period, where most of the hermits were either on vacation or playing tcg (which was fun, but didn't end up generating that much fandom activity by that time in february). the former dsmp crew was very much doing Nothing (and in that awkward space when the entire fandom knew dsmp 2 was never happening, but also people were still claiming it would happen, so it was just... busy waiting). qsmp didn't exist yet. there was no ongoing life series and wouldn't be for some time. i think even the dominioners and lifestealers were in a fairly dead zone. there was very little new for people to be excited about, mcyt content-wise.

enter: our poll. our poll which cleo then thinks its funny to call out on twitter. our poll, which was not only new mcyt content for the fandom to interact with (thanks to the fact we KEPT GETTING CC INTERACTIONS???), but participatory.

for about two weeks, we were the mcyt event de jour.

and like. the thing is. now we're in february 2024. mcyt is BOOMING. a new hermitcraft season JUST STARTED. we came off of vault hunters before that. meanwhile, qsmp just restarted and is, if i'm understanding correctly, booming. they just added a new guy! the two current juggernauts of the fandom are in FULL SWING. i honestly think we'd be somewhat overtaken by the fact things are actually happening in fandom. there's stuff to do that ISN'T go insane about a poll.

and it's not new, and we've seen it all before now, and frankly, it's hard to cause a mass hysteria event TWICE. lightning in a bottle, as they say.

i think part of the reason we all just REMEMBER mcytblr sexyman so much is that we could never, ever recreate it, so it remains crystalized in a single moment in time, impossible to replicate, forever memorable.

anyway: HAPPY ONE YEAR TO THE JOE HILLS SWEEP BABY,

[writinginfinite]

we've been caught, might as well post it pt. 2

pt. one

remember when we started our relationship? You made me promise we would never go to bed upset. I know you’re not upset, but you’re probably confused or second-guessing everything

As you stepped off the elevator, the tension between you and Lewis eased; it was now a mix of anticipation and excitement. The two of you had just taken a significant step in your relationship. But despite that, there was still a nagging thought in your head: how long could you maintain your anonymity? You loved your career, having worked hard to be promoted to an executive position just months ago. You hadn't done all that work just to become known as "Lewis Hamilton’s girlfriend." 

“What’s going on in that head of yours? And don’t lie to me,” Lewis asked, setting the shopping bags down. You let out a deep breath as you walked slowly toward him, craving some reassurance.

With your arms wrapped around Lewis' waist, you mumbled into his chest, “Who said I was going to lie?” He gently lifted your chin, wanting you to meet his gaze, but you kept your eyes closed, not ready to face those familiar brown eyes just yet.

“Because I know—” 

“Yeah, yeah, you know me better than I know myself,” you interrupted, finishing his usual line. 

“Well, if you know that, why would you even think about lying to me?”

You let out a groan, signaling he won. “It’s just… Lewis, I…”

Words failed you as you finally looked into his brown eyes, feeling even more vulnerable and becoming distressed. 

“Let’s go shower and talk about this in bed,” Lewis suggested.

“It’s almost twelve-thirty in the morning. Let’s shower and talk about it later,” you countered.

Lewis quickly dismissed your suggestion, and you knew he was right.

“Remember when we started our relationship? You made me promise we would never go to bed upset. I know you’re not upset, but you’re probably confused or second-guessing everything. We’re not sleeping until we discuss this.”

“Now let’s go. I’ll start the shower. We can also wash your hair while we’re in there,” Lewis said, placing a kiss on your lips before walking away, not giving you a chance to protest.

//

You sat in bed, tapping on your phone as you waited for Lewis to join you. You were distracted until you saw a familiar tattooed hand gently grab your phone out of your hand. “Hey, I don’t want you reading social media yet, especially before we discuss everything.”

“Wait, give it back. I wasn’t looking at social media. I wanted to deactivate my LinkedIn. You can call me paranoid later.” LinkedIn was the only public account you had, detailing everything about your career and past—at least professionally. You wouldn’t put it past anyone to use any means necessary to figure out who you were.

Hearing the worry in your voice, Lewis immediately handed your phone back. “I understand. Let me finish getting ready, and I’ll be right back. Don’t fall asleep on me.” 

After ensuring your LinkedIn was deactivated, you double-checked to make sure your only other social media account, Instagram, was set to private. You also decided to change your profile photo, replacing a picture Lewis had taken of you at dinner with an off-guard shot he had taken of you admiring the sunset on the beach. 

As you placed your phone back on the nightstand, you began to wonder if this type of paranoia would become your new normal. 

“You know you can’t expect all the worries to disappear hiding under the blankets,” Lewis said as he got into bed with you. 

“Why can’t we just talk about this in the morning?” You questioned as you clinched the covers even closer to you. 

You suddenly saw a peak of light come under the covers. “Fine, if you wanna hide under the blankets, I’ll join you. But we’re not running away from this. Please look at me, tell me what’s in your head, my love?” Lewis said as he slid under the blankets next to you. 

This man knew what to say to make your worries melt away. Someone could tell you the world was ending, and all you had to do was look into those brown eyes and hear Lewis’ voice, to calm down. 

You couldn’t bring yourself to look into those brown eyes just yet. You needed to get everything out first. 

“Lewis,” you whispered his name into the covers. “I’m afraid. Of what, I’m not sure yet. I love you with every fiber of my being Lewis and trust you completely. It’s not you I’m worried about, it’s what outside our home I’m worried about. The things outside of my control. I’m scared of losing everything I’ve built up for myself. But God knows I want everyone to know the man I love.”

Finally, finding the courage to turn and look into those brown eyes filled with curiosity, you murmured, holding back tears, “It’s just that everyone already knows everything about the man I love.”

Lewis stared at you with a mix of empathy and protectiveness. His hand gently caressed your cheek. “Hey, listen to me,” he began softly. “People think they know everything about me, but they’re strongly mistaken. They know the driver, the public figure, what I choose to portray to them on the weekends. But they will never know me the way you do. They don’t know how I sing off-key in the shower or how I arrange my things in a certain order. They don’t know how badly I want to hear your voice or see you run in my direction and wrap your arms around me during a race weekend. Or how I love coming home, because seeing you calms me more than anything else ever could.”

Lewis brushed away a tear that fell from your eye. “Everything you just told me is 100% valid. Your happiness and sense of security are my number top priority. I don’t want you to worry because you know I will do everything in my power to protect everything you’ve built up. But most importantly, I’ll protect you. Love, I’m so proud of you. You’re my entire world.”

Lewis' voice was filled with tenderness. “I want to show you to the world. But I respect your boundaries, and we’ll only do so when you’re ready. Until then, it’s just us. Our love doesn’t need to be displayed to be real. It’s in every moment we share, every look, every touch.”

He leaned in and kissed your forehead. “We’ll take this at your pace. Never forget, I love you more than you’ll ever understand. I’ll be right here, every step of the way.”

“Okay,” was all you could say, mustering up a smile. This man did it again. 

“There’s that smile I love to see. Seriously, are you sure you’re okay? You’re not rushing because you want to go to bed?” Lewis questioned, refusing to go to bed until he knew things were completely fine between you both. 

“You told me what I needed to hear, and I trust everything you’ve said. In all honesty, I’ve trusted everything you’ve ever told me. Never have you given me a reason not to doubt you. I love you, Lewis,” you said, reassuring him. This time, you were the one to initiate a kiss. “Let’s go to bed now,” you pleaded because you were struggling to keep your eyes open. 

“Yes, come here,” Lewis said, pulling you closer and onto his chest. “Don’t need you grumpy while doing your hair later,” he mumbled. You were too tired to come up with a response, so you playfully kicked his leg, and the rest was a blur.

//

You woke up the next morning to an empty bed, the memories of hours ago slowly coming back to mind. You reached for your phone to check for any new notifications, but your phone was gone. All you found was your charger and a note with familiar handwriting.

“Good morning, my love. Looking for your phone? It’s in the kitchen with me. I don’t want you reading anything yet; you have a lot to do and are easily distracted …” 

You playfully rolled your eyes at that part. As the note continued, it read, “Don’t roll your eyes because you know I’m right. Now go get ready to start your day.”

“This man, MY man,” you said as you got out of bed, placing the note back on the nightstand. 

As you walked into the master bathroom, you saw a set of clothes laid out - the type of old clothes you wore just for hair wash day. An old t-shirt of Lewis and a pair of lounge shorts, with another note on the counter. 

“Breakfast is ready when you are. I’m downstairs. Also, check the second bathroom when you walk down the hall before coming downstairs,” 

You were at a loss for words. No matter how much Lewis had done for you, he always surprised you. You went through your daily routine and then put on the clothes Lewis had laid out for you. This time, you grabbed the note and walked over to place it on your nightstand with the first one. 

As you walked down the hall, you noticed the light was on in the second bathroom. It was odd because Lewis rarely kept on lights if no one was in the room, but then you remembered the note. As you walked in, you blurted out, “Aww, Lewis!” 

It was the simplest gesture. In the bathroom, he had laid out everything you’d need to braid your hair, along with your iPad set up with your comfort show - the one you always rewatched when you were doing your hair. 

You turned off the bathroom light and hurried down the stairs into the kitchen. There, you found Lewis with headphones on, making a cup of tea. You carefully tapped him to warn him of your presence, not wanting the hot tea to spill on either of you. 

Once he put the hot cup down, he turned around and removed his headphones. You then wrapped your arms around his waist, repeating, “I love you. I love you. I love you,” with your voice cracking. 

It was something so simple, but it gave you the extra reassurance you needed that everything he told you last night was true. 

“Well, good morning,” was all Lewis could say before you stood on your tiptoes to give him a kiss. “Yes, I rolled my eyes at your note,” you stopped him. 

Lewis then picked you up and placed you on the counter. “Oh, so you saw your notes and followed directions for once,” Lewis playfully teased. 

You tilted your head, questioning what you just heard. “For once? I always follow -" You couldn’t even finish your sentence before Lewis tilted his head, knowing what you said wasn’t true. 

“Well, okay, that one time when we -“ 

“Just one occasion you can remember? Want me to try and bring back some memories?” Lewis said as he grabbed you again, throwing you over his shoulder. 

“No, no, no,” you protested. “Okay, you’re right. Put me down, Lewis,” you laughed, kicking your feet in the air trying to fight his grip. 

“That’s what I thought,” Lewis said as he softly tossed you on the couch, now laying on top of you. 

He stared at you for what felt like hours but was only seconds before asking the same question he asked before bed last night, “Are you sure you’re okay?” while trying to read your face. 

“Yes, I’m fine. Well, not really,” you said, causing Lewis to sit up with a face of worry. “I'm not fine because I’m really hungry,” you finished your statement. This caused a sigh of relief from Lewis, followed by a laugh and now tickles. 

“Mercy, mercy, mercy,” was all you could say between squeals before Lewis stopped and sat you up, placing you on his lap. 

Lewis held your face in his hand, saying, “Well, I made you breakfast and tea, which is probably cold now. I can remake it if you’d like?” 

“Lewis, they make these things called microwaves. I will be fine.” 

“Feeling smart-mouth, are we this morning?” Lewis said with a quizzical look. “I’m kidding. I know your hair is an all-day affair, so I purposely planned my meetings for today, which may be an all-day affair because you know what next week is.” 

You let out a sigh, remembering the next three weeks were a triple header. Spanish, Austria, then Silverstone. Three weeks where you would only see Lewis over FaceTime, waking up and going to sleep in an empty bed and quiet house. Last year it was rough, but especially now that you’re living together in this big house, you knew it would be tougher. 

“Hey. Let’s take it day by day. I’m not leaving yet, so let’s not think about that. Getting grumpy for no reason,” Lewis said before kissing your forehead. 

“Now it’s 7:30 and my meetings start in thirty minutes. I’ll sit with you while you eat. Come on,” Lewis said, while guiding you back to the kitchen. 

“Can I please have my phone? I don’t care about reading things online. I wanted you to pick my braids.” 

“It’s over there on the countertop. Let me grab it. You eat.”

You had more messages than normal, but quickly swiped past them and to your photos. You gave Lewis two options: boho knotless braids or butterfly locs. 

He swiped between the two photos before deciding on the boho knotless braids, which you were hoping would be his first choice. 

As you got up to put your dishes in the sink, Lewis stopped you to take them from you before handing you your phone back.

“I got this. Go start on your hair. If you need anything, text me. I’ll be in my office for the majority of the day. Also, I already prepared lunch and started dinner. Don’t ask how long I’ve been up, sweetie.” Lewis placed a kiss on your lips before heading down the hall to his office. 

//

“You were right. Not using my phone helped me finish my hair in record time,” you said to Lewis as you both sat on the couch, eating ice cream before bed. 

“See, I told you. So, you can admit, I’m right- you are easily distracted,” Lewis responded with a smirk. 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” you admitted reluctantly. You told Lewis to stay put while you went to wash the final dishes you two had used. 

As you were putting the dishes away, you heard Lewis’ voice from a distance say, “It’s mostly all positive online. And don’t worry, no photos of you have been found. It’s all ‘Respect their privacy’”

"That's nice to know," you said while closing cabinets.

“The few people we’ve told, I’ve reminded them to not say a word. And I know we can trust them,” Lewis said, with him now behind you. 

“I know. I saw our friends’ texts and reminded them as well. I’m taking your word for it. I’m not going online anytime soon. I’ll be fine, Lewis. We’ll be fine,” you said, turning around to embrace him in a hug. You needed it because you knew in just a day he’d be off again, this time for a while. 

// SPANISH GP

You decided to work from home this Thursday, sitting in Lewis’ office even though you had your own. It had only been a couple of days since he left, and you started to wonder how you’d survive another 23 days without seeing him. You tried your hardest to never miss an opportunity to see Lewis on television.

It was super early, the sun barely up, and you hadn’t even turned on your laptop for work. Instead, you sat in Lewis’ office chair, watching the drivers’ press conference. You were wearing one of the many sweatshirts Lewis “mistakenly” placed in your closet before he left.

You took a quick selfie with his desk in the background. “Good afternoon, my love. Like my setup? Also, you ‘mistakenly’ left a couple of your sweatshirts in my closet when putting away laundry. So I’m claiming them for now. I love you and miss you.” You hit send before realizing the press conference had just started.

Lewis never had his sound on during these events, so you weren’t worried about him seeing it.

But you were wrong.

You watched live as Lewis pulled his phone out of his pocket. You looked at your phone as the message now said, “Read.”

You could see Lewis clicking on the photo, zooming in to figure out where you were. A huge smile formed on his face.

You thought Lewis was about to say something but realized he hadn’t heard the question. You frantically texted him, “LEWIS!!! They just asked you about your odds at Spain this weekend.”

Lewis could sense your panic through your text and was laughing, putting his phone on his lap. He was always calm when you felt he should be stressed.

As Lewis was picking up the mic, it picked up him whispering to himself, “Is she in my office? She found them,” before speaking directly into the mic, “I’m sorry. Did someone ask how I feel about my odds at Spain this weekend? I'm sorry I missed the question.”

The reporter responded, “Yes, that was the question. But if you want to tell us who’s in your office and what she found, that’d make for better reporting.” There was no hint of joking in the reporter’s voice. This reporter was known for trying to push Lewis’ buttons.

Your heart sank. You just hoped the man wouldn’t get to Lewis and that he wouldn’t say anything that would give them clicks.

The once joking face on Lewis turned serious. He moved to the edge of his seat. “Watch it. Don’t speak on her again.” The reporter retorted with, “We’ll figure out who, sooner or later.” You knew this had struck a huge nerve. Lewis said he’d protect you, and just days after that promise, people were coming for you.

You quickly typed out, “Lewis, please don’t give in. Ignore him, please. You’ll give them what they want. I’m fine. We’re fine. We’ll discuss this later. We’ll do this on our time.”

As Lewis was about to raise the mic to speak, his phone vibrating stopped him. You saw him read over your text, and you watched him nod his head, signaling he got your message.

“We’ll do this on our time. Now, to answer your question…” You were relieved when you heard Lewis move on.

All you could think was, “We’ll have to do this earlier than hoped.”

Immediately following the press conference, you received a text from Lewis. “I’m calling you in a few minutes.”

No “My love” or greeting—just a straightforward message. He was pissed.

//

You sat on FaceTime with an apologetic Lewis, trying to reassure him you were fine. It wasn’t a lie—he had done exactly what you’d hoped, keeping your name out of the press until you were ready.

“Silverstone,” you blurted out, confusing Lewis.

“Yes, Silverstone is the last race before I come home.”

“How about we make this known at Silverstone? We said we’d do this at our pace, and I don’t want it happening outside of our control. I want us to do it. So, Silverstone. I can come there on race day.”

For the first time in your relationship, you left Lewis speechless.

“Did you lose service? Are you still there?”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to rush this. I don’t want you to feel obligated.”

“Lewis, I promise you, I’m fine. I want to do this now. How about this: if you’re on the podium, I’ll be there waiting for you. Otherwise, we’ll keep things under wraps.”

“As if I needed any extra motivation to get a win or be on the podium. I’ll get things together; you focus on work. I’ll keep this as low profile as possible. I love you so much and can’t wait to see you. And, hopefully for the first time, have you there after a win or podium.”

// SILVERSTONE

You sat in the Mercedes hospitality area, trying your hardest to blend in as a fan on a solo trip. “Come on, Lewis,” you kept saying as he tried to overtake for P2.

The only person who knew who you were was Rosa, the one person in the garage Lewis trusted to stay silent.

You, along with everyone in hospitality, clapped with excitement as you saw Lewis pull into P3 in parc ferme. You looked down at your phone to see a text: “It’s Rosa. Meet me at the exit. I’ll walk you to the team. You’ll need more credentials. He did it! I know he can’t wait to see you!”

You quickly got up, straightened your dress, and found Rosa. In hand, she had your extra credentials and walked you to the front of the barricades, to the confusion of the team members.

As Lewis made his way to the team, he made eye contact with you.

“You’re here!” Instead of jumping towards his team, he grabbed you into a hug, slightly picking you up. At that moment, everything went silent—it was just you and him. You couldn’t let go, but you knew you had to.

You were up front as you watched the podium celebration. Cameras were in your face as Lewis was handed his trophy, but you didn’t care. You weren’t worried if people figured out who you were anymore; all that mattered was that you could finally celebrate alongside him.

Once the podium celebration was over, Rosa quickly grabbed you and took you back to Lewis’ motorhome. She tried to be discreet, but there was no hiding you anymore. You followed her, giving her a hug as you walked, finally introducing yourself.

“Trust me, I know who you are. I’m the only person he talks about you to, and all I can say is, this man loves you.”

“He should be inside. I’ll leave you two,” Rosa said before walking off.

You walked in to see Lewis sitting on the couch, changed into a team shirt and pants before heading to his final press conference. He immediately jumped up to hug you, whispering words of affirmation.

“You did it! At your home track as well!” You couldn’t stop smiling. “You have a press conference to go to. I’ll be here when you get back!”

“I love you,” Lewis said before running out to the press conference.

// PRESS CONFERENCE

You sat on the couch, watching the press conference. Lewis started off by saying, “Yes, that was her. That’s all I’ll say about her until she’s ready.”

//

author's notes: part two of "we've been caught, might as well post it" sorry imagine part x is taking awhile.

3.8K words. need to proofread again.

[queers-gambit]

Now and at the Hour of His Death

prompt: any who say, "it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all," were never loved by him.

pairing: Osferth x female!pregnant!wife!reader

fandom: The Last Kingdom

word count: 6.1k+

note: fuck you, Netflix.

warnings: you already know - author needs therapy, projects hard, pregnant wife, Lord’s name in vain, Christianity (obviously), and a fuck ton of fucking ANGST because fuck your feelings. hurt NO comfort, drama, oneshot, cursing, canon-typical violence, injury, and blood. character death and spoilers - yeah, i'm giving you THAT scene. requires maturity and caution. good luck.

also please note: NO, i do not age Osferth to be 16 - that's just a reference age for when he eventually runs away from the monastery.

again, you are missing nothing if this upsets or triggers you and you choose to skip. value your wellbeing, my angels. author is not responsible for the media YOU choose consume, but still, as usual, MDNI

"You should not be doing this sort of work," Ingrith's voice scolded you, and when you turned, you saw the blonde woman standing with her hip cocked and a stern expression. "It's bad for your health to be in such filth, we've stable boys for this sort of chore."

"I do not mind," you sniffled in the brisk air, shoveling the horse shit of the stable into a muck bucket to be dumped into the fields later. "It keeps me busy," you grunted lightly, sure to bend your knees when lifting the pitchfork, "keeps me humble," you listed, dumping the waste to grin at your friend, "and keeps me young."

"In what way?"

"Reminds me of my childhood," you eased, continuing your work. "I slept in a stable from the ages of 4 to... Oh, shit, I guess I was about 16 before I left The Loft."

"What?" She breathed in confusion. "Never knew that."

"Yeah, yeah, true story," you beamed at her, still shoveling shit. "I slept in the stalls with the horses, sometimes in the grain rooms - basically anywhere I could since my work didn't include official room and board, so, I had to make do with what was available. Then, one day when I was about ten, Old Man Rivers said I could use the hay loft if I cleared it out, fixed the rotten planks. Stayed up there till I was about 16, and after that, I kinda ran away."

"Old Man Rivers?"

You nodded, "My mother lived on his homestead, but she was real sick, you see. So, he kinda took me in without assuming responsibility for me," you cleared your throat, shrugging, "let me stay in his barn if I worked with the horses and livestock for him."

"Why would you want to be reminded of that?"

"Seems simpler when I look back."

Ingrith sighed, "C'mon, put the pitchfork down. Come help me prepare the rabbits. The scouts say the men aren't too far off, they'll want a hot meal."

You chuckled with ease and set your pitchfork aside, giving a hearty pat to one of the horse's necks as you passed by to exit the stable. Ingrith made sure you washed up before you were both mounting rabbits on the rack to start skinning them.

"Could I ask something?" She wondered after a time.

"Anything you'd like."

"Why'd you run away? From Old Man Rivers?"

You laughed, "I was in love."

"Oh, you and Baby Monk go that far back, huh?"

"Try even farther," you teased. "Our mothers were friends, and when I worked in the stable, he was in the monastery, but when he came to me, saying he couldn't do it any longer, I couldn't let him go alone. Life was supposed to offer more than what we were given, so, we set out to find the legendary barbarian, The Dane Slayer," you teased, both giggling, "our Lord, the legendary, Uhtred of Bebbanburg."

"And all this time...?" She smiled, watching you shuck hide like you've done it your whole life. Ingrith inferred you probably did.

"Yeah," you eased, "all this time, he's been by my side. Kept me close, never left me behind. The others weren't too sure about me on account of being a woman, they told us to piss off a few times - but they came around after Osferth refused to send me away."

"He's a good lad, Osferth," she nodded.

"Arguably one of the best ones," you agreed, nudging her arm gently, "but look who I'm telling, right?"

"Oh!" She giggled, swatting at you loosely before going back to your work for a moment. Suddenly, the townspeople of Rumcofa stirred to life, and over the voices, you heard them announcing their Lord's return - which meant all of your men were home. You both grinned and breathlessly left your post, Ingrith pausing a young lad to ask, "How many return to us?"

"Does it matter? Come, c'mon, let us see ourselves!" You all but squealed, overwhelmed with excitment; eager for your own reunion with the man you've loved since you were a young lass.

"Warn the alehouse!" Finan was heard shouting. "Osferth's thirsty!"

"Jesus," you laughed, dodging around the procession of people waiting to greet their warriors on their return home so you could approach the white gelding your husband rode.

His face was absolutely priceless when he caught sight of you. As Osferth eagerly dismounted, your hands smoothed over the small swell of your belly - purposefully wearing a dress that accentuated your ever-changing figure. "Am I dreaming?" He laughed, a stablehand taking hold of his horse so his hands were free to caress your belly. "Oh, my God, I'm not, 's real, oh, God," he beamed, laughing with you. "You're pregnant? Truly? Yes? I-I am not - I am not being deceived?"

"No, my love, I guess our prayers were finally heard."

"OH-HOOOO!" You heard Finan holler as Osferth finally pulled you in for a sweet kiss; both ignoring the Irishman. "Lord! LORD! Uhtred! Hey! Did you hear!? Baby Monk's got some spunk in 'im afta all!"

"Oh, God," you laughed against Osferth's lips, but he was quick to shush you with another breath-stealing kiss.

"A baby Baby Monk! AHA!" Finan was still laughing, your husband's hands caressing both your cheeks when he pulled back just in time for Finan to descend. You grunted lightly when his heavy arms dropped over both yours and Osferth's shoulders, his laugh still booming as he gave a squeeze and cooed, "Oh, congratulations, yah two love birds! Wasn't sure you had it innyah, boy!"

"Don't be so rough with her, Finan, for God's sake," Osferth scolded, nudging his friend to get out from under his arm.

"What?" Finan looked at you gobsmacked. "Sayin' I gotta treat yah different now or somethin'?"

"I didn't say that," you told him prettily with fluttering lashes, fist quickly balling up to jab him in the weak spot of his armor - making him grunt and wheeze. "Aht-aht!" You warned with a pointed finger when he flinched as if to retaliate, "Can't hit a pregnant woman."

"Oh, yeh li'l shite," Finan laughed, Osferth pushing him towards his wife so he could stand in front of you and command all attention.

Osferth took a moment to simply look at you; thumbs gently tracing over your cheeks in sweeping motions, a slow grin breaking across his lips. "This almost doesn't feel real... But how I have to praise God for this blessing. A baby," he breathed.

"A little you and me," you agreed softly. "Sound okay to you?"

"More than okay," he chuckled, pecking your lips, "sounds like a lifetime together."

"Good by me." His nose nuzzled up yours, the sweet moment broken when he sighed sadly; eyes shut and smile dropping. "What is it? What's wrong, love?" You asked, stepping into his embrace so you were nuzzled into his neck and his arms were wrapped around your form in a vice.

"Uhtred means to move us again," he whispered in your ear. "Brida, she... She's got Father Pyrlig, and - "

"What!?" You snapped, rearing back slightly to pin him under your hardened glare. Pregnancy hormones would surely give Osferth whiplash.

"My love, I did not - "

"Brida's got Pyrlig? Fuck are we standin' here for, let's go!" You reached for his hand, ready to march off.

"Uh, no, no, no, no," he pulled you back to him; anchoring his hands on your hips so you could not escape. "You are not going anywhere. Not now - especially now," he glanced at your still-growing bump. "The men will go, you know we will return, but you have this new responsibility, and that's keeping this little one safe. For us," he smiled at you.

You huffed, "I'm not unfit to do what needs done, Osferth."

"I did not say you were unfit, but look at the timing of it," he frowned. "I should've been here when you learned, but I was not, and I am truly so sorry for it. Look, I do not know how long this venture will be, but you know I will return. We've waited for our family for far too long, I will not jeopardize this - so I will return. If you go with us, and something were to happen," he shook his head, "my angel, I would never forgive myself. So I need you to stay here, stay safe, if for nothing else but for me."

"But Pyrlig - "

"Will be saved," he assured.

"And Brida - "

"Will be dealt with," he eased, chuckling lightly. "My angel, you worry too much about everyone and yet never about yourself."

You pouted, "Well, why is it just me meant to stay back? This is your child, too, Osferth, and should have the right to meet them! You can't always control what happens, accidents are real, what if you don't return - "

"Don't think like that - "

"But it's a real threat to us - "

He agreed, "Of course, but - "

"Yeah, I know," you nodded, cutting him off, "we serve Lord Uhtred. This comes first, and I'm not - "

"I've made a vow to him."

"You made one to me, too, you know."

"Angel, please, don't do this. Do not ask me to choose," he begged with a frown, and you caved.

So, with a sigh, you nuzzled into his embrace and relented, "All right, yes, fine, go after Brida and Pyrlig. And when you find them, tell him I am waiting for his safe return, he is dearly missed. Ideally, I'd have him birth our child."

"Of course," he breathed, finding a small reprieve of relief that you did not fight him further about leaving - about choosing which vow to fulfill: the one to his Lord Uhtred or the one to his wife.

Both made to God.

Luckily, Osferth married his best friend and you were never one to pick fights with him. You liked the harmony you had; the peaceful environment you had both cultivated to preserve the trust and love you built through the years. He was genuinely one of a kind; a man who walked many lines between faith, humanity, right, wrong. He was the voice of reason, constantly striving to do better than he did before, learning all he could as if a rag soaking in water. For all he was, Osferth has always been enough for you, and for that reason alone, you never felt the need to argue.

To fight. To voice contempt.

"Question," you perked up, smirking at him as your pregnancy symptoms ran a little wild, "think we've time to, you know, really give our thanks?"

"Angel - "

"What?" You grinned. "You fucked me on the alter all those weeks ago and look - your seed stuck. We might as well go give thanks in the same manner, just to really show God how thankful we are for this blessing he's given us."

"Think the Devil's gotten into you," he laughed.

"Or your child is ruining my hormones," you countered, his lips meeting yours in another passionate display of his excitement.

"C'mon," he whispered, taking your hand, and leading you to the chapel - thinking you were being sneaky, but your matching giggles made Ingrith and Finan beam at each other.

"He does know she can't get more pregnant, right?" Finan teased, flinching when Ingrith smacked his upper arm.

"WHY!?"

"My angel, please - "

"What the fuck is going on, Osferth!?"

"I'm trying to explain - "

"The Queen? The fucking Queen is dead in our village! How can that possibly be explained!?" When Osferth didn't answer, just sat in the wooden chair before the shared hearth of your humble home, you snapped, "Well!?"

"Are you finished? May I speak now?"

With a huff, you nodded and gestured for him to speak; arms crossing around your swollen tits. He explained to you the reason for Haesten's arrival, the wagon his men toted, and why he brought the Queen's dead body to the settlement of Rumcofa. He told you Haesten wanted to keep the peace when King Edward found out, claiming Uhtred's son-in-law, Stiorra's husband, Sigtryggr, had ordered this death - thinking war would surely roll over his lands.

You never knew Haesten to be a generous man, nor much of an honest one, but it seemed the severity of the situation made everyone eerily on-edge. Uhtred dispatched his men; leaving Finan and Osferth in the village with you, developing a plan that would save both Saxon and Danish life. And yet, it was all futile when evil forces worked against good.

You didn't feel safe in Rumcofa anymore, there was a stench in the air; tension that mounted to embrace all residents with discomfort. Something was about to happen, but nobody knew what. You didn't claim or pretend to know what was happening, but Haesten's abrupt appearance spelled danger for everyone involved. So, as a security measure, you kept a long sword buckled around your swelling waist and a dagger strapped under your skirts. With Lord Uhtred gone, there was no invisible fence protecting Rumcofa - leaving it up to you, Osferth, Finan, and Cynleaf to pose as guard.

Yet you'd never be enough.

Like the surf over sand, a group of angered men descended on Rumcofa. "Who's men are yah?" Finan asked, you lingering at Osferth's side to watch the interaction from a short distance.

"We come from the King," a burly Saxon replied, your head cocking in interest - swearing you've seen him before. "Dane murderers are hiding here and you must hand them over."

"You're mistaken, sir," you kindly offered, the man's eyes shifting over you, "because we live in peace. Any murderers have surely moved on from here. We do not host them."

The man growled, "Don't think that's true, love."

Finan held a hand back at you, meeting your eyes and nodding simply. He turned back for the man in fur, diverting, "Of course, my men will attend to it."

Finan turned from the group, his eyes connecting with yours as he passed by. There was urgency, a quickened pace he adopted; having no intention to hand anyone over, wanting to remove these men without bloodshed. However, that was a distant thought because Father Benedict tried to assure the Saxon leader that nobody in Rumcofa would murder Queen Aelflaed.

You wanted to step in when the Saxon evidently didn't know about the Queen's demise - getting in Benedict's face and demanding to see what he spoke of.

"No, no, no," you muttered nervously, "he can't see the body, love, no, no, no, this is bad. Very bad."

"We can't stop Father Benedict without altercation," Osferth whispered back, keeping a tight hold of your hand, just watching the group. "If something happens, you need to get yourself safe."

"How do we truly know they're from Edward? What credentials do they have?" When Osferth shook his head, you worried, "Got a bad feeling 'bout this, angel."

Then the violence began.

The strange men took charge when their leader walked away, starting to physically harass the citizens; making both you and Osferth step in to try and diffuse the tension. You pushed men off unarmed women, got in between them and the children, did what you could without drawing a weapon.

When a man shoved you away from him, Finan wrangled him away, sneering, "Get yer hands off of her!" He kept the violent men at bay for a moment, telling you, "You need to go, darling - "

"Not now, Fin, look around us! We need to contain the situation, you'll need all hands you can get," You snapped, the two of you forced to part way.

Osferth panted nervously and looked left and right, turning to meet the Saxon and demand, "Tell your men to stand down!" But then, his eyes squinted when you joined his side to pull him back a step or two, recognizing him just as you did.

"I don't think they're here for the Queen, love," you heaved for breath in warning, still backing him up. "They've planned this."

"Finan!" Osferth barked, "These men have been here before!"

The Saxon roared over the fray, "Danes of Rumcofa have murdered our Queen!" His men jeered in anger, making Finan brandish both swords and for Osferth to push you back further from the attention. "Do your duty and rid the cockles from the wheat!"

You were left no choice. Osferth and you both armed yourselves, starting to fight off the Saxons as their leader demanded Danes and Christians be separated. You were unable to help, engaged in battle, but Young Uhtred gathered the Danes and begged Father Benedict to declare the church a sanctuary - thinking it would save lives.

It was only leading the Danes to slaughter.

The Saxon, Bresal, punched Father Benedict when he tried to stand in the way; his men holding Young Uhtred in the doorway to let their men enter the church the Danes were gathered in. They forced Young Uhtred to watch the massacre - men, women, and Danish children all slaughtered with no escape. No hope. No answer to a single prayer. Nobody to stop this bloody situation.

You fought on, Osferth, Finan, and Cynleaf doing their best to protect you by keeping you in the middle of their wee group. But you still got plenty of action.

"This is madness!" You cried out, slicing a man's throat open. "We need aid! We need more men!"

"This way!" Finan encouraged, "We must cut a path for Ingrith! Check the docks! Check the docks!"

You and Osferth ran towards the water, Cynleaf not far away. You searched for Ingrith, but you had no time to linger; engaged one-on-one again, forced to protect yourself and unborn baby. Not a minute later, you saw Ingrith on horseback, being stalled by a Saxon and for your husband to rush to her aid. He punched the man away from the horse, you hacking at another enemy, in time to see Osferth engaging with two Saxons - one being the leader, Bresal.

It all happened so fast.

You were already racing towards them when the unexpected. Osferth was battling on two fronts, holding Bresal at bay, fending off the other Saxon, screaming for Ingrith, who only managed a few paces before the Saxon's dogs spooked her horse. The noise was deafening; people screaming, crying, dogs barking, horses whinnying, swords singing as they clashed.

You watched it happen in slow motion.

You sprinted faster than ever before.

"INGRITH!" Osferth bellowed in worry when her horse reared back and dropped her to the dirt. It left an opening for Bresal to stab his dagger into Osferth's lung - freezing time and wrecking your world.

"NO!" You screamed, Bresal smirking at you and yanking his dagger free. Osferth wobbled, eyes wide as he met yours, the Saxon walking away as Osferth dropped to his knees. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Oh, God, no, no, you can't take him - not yet! Please, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no," You repeated, sliding on your knees in the dirt to catch him. "No, no, oh, my God, no, Osferth, no, please! Not now, not now, please, no, God, no! Don't do this! Please, please, please," you rambled, readjusting to better hold him, hearing Cynleaf and Finan yell for Baby Monk, too. You raged at God, "You can't take him yet! You can't have him! He's mine!"

But you heard nothing except your husband's labored breathing.

"An-Angel, angel, my angel," Osferth choked, wheezing and crying as he couldn't hold himself up and completely slumped back into your body. He pawed at your arms in an attempt to get closer.

"No, no, no, you're all right, you're okay, you're okay, my sweet love, you're all right," you insisted, hands stained in his blood as it poured from his wound. You knew it was essential to add pressure to a wound, but also, that this was all futile. Yet you needed to try. "Hey, hey, hey, look at me, just look at me, sweetheart, please, only look at me, nothing else matters," you pleaded with him in a rush, the lads sprinting to where you held your husband to your lap.

Nobody interrupted you.

"Where's the wound?" Osferth sobbed, trembling, blood spurting from his mouth; going paler by the minute. "Angel, please, the wound? Where's the wound?"

"No, no, no, don't worry 'bout that, hey? Don't you worry, you just keep looking at me," you sobbed, holding his neck and cradling him to your swollen belly. "Just at me, my love, okay? Just look at me - don't look anywhere else, okay? Nothing else matters."

"H-How bad? How ba-ba-bad-bad is i-it?"

"You're going to be all right," you lied to Osferth for the first time.

"Oh, my God, oh, my God," Osferth repeated through his tears and fears, "I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die."

He held onto you desperately, sobbing, you slowly rocking. "No, you're all right, Osferth, it's okay, just look at me." You caressed his cheek, smearing blood, but locking eyes. "My love," you whispered, "listen to me - "

"I don't wanna die, please, please, angel, my love, please," he coughed, holding your arm tightly as if it would give him life. "Don't let me die," he wheezed, "don't let me die, my love, please, please. Don't let me die, I don't wanna die. I-I wanna meet our baby, please, I want to meet our baby, I want to be a father. Don't let me die, love, please, I-I wanna be your husband longer - "

"You'll never not be my husband and you'll never not be a father, hear me?" You sniffled, trying to smile at him. "Don't you worry, you're gonna be okay, you're okay, Osferth. You'll always be my husband, nothing will change that - I swear."

Blood pumped with each beat of his frantic heart, making it gush over your fingers. You didn't even feel it.

"Please," he choked, more blood bubbling from his lips, "don't let me die, I don't wanna die. Don't let me die, please, not now, not when our baby isn't here yet, please, I just wanna meet 'em, be a family, I wanna stay with you, don't let me go. Please, don't let me go, I don't want t'go! Don't let me - "

"Shh, it's okay, you're okay. I'm here with you. I'm right here, Osferth, you're not alone, you're never alone. I'm here. I've got you. I'll always have you, I won't ever let you go. Never."

He sobbed harder. "I don't wanna leave you. Please, I don't wanna go, I don't wanna be without you - " But the words choked him, a splatter spraying across your face when he coughed; you didn't even flinch.

"Listen to me," you begged, "I commend you, my dear, sweet husband, to Almighty God, and entrust you to your Creator."

Finan was heard behind you, retching jarring sobs as you read Osferth his death rite prayer. "Don't let me die," Osferth begged still, as if you held that power.

He had always looked at you as if you hung the sun and stars, and now, as if you were his very reason for living. You hated God in that moment for forcing you two through this.

"May you return to Him who formed you from the dust of the earth. May Holy Mary, the angels," now, you choked on your words, emotion clawing your throat, but still continued, "and all the saints come to meet you as you go forth from this life. May Christ who was crucified for you bring you freedom and peace." You sobbed, "May Christ who died for you admit you into His garden of paradise. May Christ, the true Shepherd, acknowledge you as one of His flock. May He forgive all your sins, and set you among those He has chosen. Amen. Please, please, say amen, Osferth, say it, please!"

"A-Amen - Amen!" He coughed, trying to get closer to you, nestling into your warmth as he felt impossibly cold. "Don't leave me, don't leave me, please, please, I don't wanna go, I don't wanna be alone. I can't go without you, please, don't let me go - don't let me die, angel, please, I can't go without you. I-I’ve never been without you my whole life, I don’t wish to start now. I love you. I-I love you, please, don't let me go, I love you. I need you."

"You'll never be without me," you promised, face coated in blood, grime, dirt, and ash; all streaked with your tear tracks. "You will always be my husband, hey? Hear me? You're always gonna be with me, I will never be apart from you. I'll love you forever, Osferth, I won't ever stop." You felt your chest cave in as you sobbed, "Please, don't you leave me - "

But Osferth was wheezing and panting, only staring up at you. "I only need you," he whimpered, "I've only ever needed you, I can't do this without you. Please, I can't - I can't go without you. I don't want to leave you, I can't leave you, please!'

"So don't leave me," you sobbed, him still clawing at you in desperation. "I love you more than life, Osferth, please, don't leave me, okay? Don't go. I love you so much. Being loved by you was my greatest pleasure in this life, I want our child to know your love, too, Osferth, please, don't go."

"I-I wanna meet our baby, I wanna hold 'em, love 'em," he repeated. "Please, this can't be the end, don't let this be the end. W-We have so much more - we were supposed to have eternity together, my love, my angel, please! This isn't the end, I can't - I can't go without you!"

"You're okay," you soothed uselessly, rocking more prominently. "Just stay with me, my love, okay? Stay with me. Don't go. Only look at me, all right? You hear me?" You sniffled, caressing his cheek. "You're the best thing in my life, Osferth, yeah? Understand me? Where you're going, y-you'll be welcomed a hero, with open arms. You'll be my own angel. My real angel. The reason I keep going for our child. An-And you'll stay there just for a little while until I join you, okay? You'll watch over us, me and the baby, right? Our own angel? Hey? 'Cause you'll never be part from us - you'll never be apart from me. You and I are a forever sorta thing, we'll never be apart, we'll always be part of each other no matter what."

Osferth lost his words, eyes widening and pulling you closer.

You just soothed, "I'm here with you, my love. I'm here, I've got you. You're not alone, I'm right here, I have you. I've got you. I love you. I love you so fucking much, Osferth, okay? I love you more than anything, you're my everything. I love you," you sniffled, breaking down in worse sobs, repeating, "I love you, I love you, I love you so much, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry I wasn't faster, I love you, this shouldn't be happening. I'm so sorry, I should've come faster! I love you, I'm so sorry."

With his last breath, Osferth choked, "L-Love y-y-you."

"I love you," you hushed, bending at the waist to rest your forehead on his, "I love you so much. You're gonna be okay, you're gonna be all right, you'll be safe - where you're going, you'll be safe. I'm so sorry, my love... I'm so sorry."

You felt him go still. You felt the last of his breath exhale, his body deflate. You felt his soul detach from his body.

You froze.

"Oh, my God," you breathed, pulling back to look down at his petrified features. "Oh, my God, no, no, no. God, please, please, give him back," you sobbed, "give him back to me! Do not take him! It's not his time, you selfish cunt! Give him back! It wasn't supposed to end like this! Give him back to me, please! Please! This isn't how this was supposed to happen! We promised eternity together, please! Let us have that! Let us be together, give him back to me! I need him!"

Your shrill hysterics were heard all over Rumcofa.

Finan sobbed into his wife's arms behind you, Cynleaf knelt to slowly extend his hand onto your shoulder. "I'm so sorry," he offered, but you pushed him away harshly; knocking him into the dirt.

"No! I don't want your fucking condolences!" You snapped, holding Osferth tighter, "I want my husband! I want my husband back! Can you give him to me? Can you, Cynleaf? Can you give him back to me!?"

"No - "

"Then you have nothing to offer me! I want nothing else, nothing from you! I only want him!" You looked away from the young lad, finding Osferth's wide open eyes staring up at you. You whimpered, "I only need him, so, please. Please, give him back to me. Please. I need him, I need him, I can't do this without him, please, God, don't do this. You take so many lives, why add him to the mix!? Give him back! C'mon," you begged the cooling body, "c'mon, love, get up. Get up for me, please, just wake up. Come back to me, get up... Get up, Osferth, get up! Please! WAKE UP!"

But Osferth never moved. Never blinked. Never drew breath. And God never answered your pleas. Your dress was saturated in your husband's blood; a pooling puddle seeping into your knees, bodice drenched, his baby moving in your belly. You wailed into the still air, holding your husband tight to your chest; mouth agape to release the terrible screams of anguish, tears never ending, rocking on your knees. You didn't know what to feel... But devastation was prominent.

You wept until your throat went raw, jaw tender from your open mouth. "I'm so sorry!" You repeated, "I should've been quicker! I should've been at your side! You shouldn't have been alone! This is my fault! This is all my fault, I shouldn't have been away from you. I should've been with you, you did not deserve this end. Please! Forgive me, wherever you are, forgive me, I did not intend for this, I shouldn't have left you, I should've been at your side, I'm so sorry. This is all my fault, I'm so sorry."

"No," Ingrith whispered, "no, do not say this is your fault, you did nothing - "

"Exactly!" You snapped at her, eyes ablaze, her husband silent. "I did nothing, I wasn't with him! I wasn't where I was supposed to be! And he was stabbed because of you!"

Finan whispered your name in reprimand.

"No! How many times have you rode a fucking horse, Ingrith!? And now, today, the time it truly matters, you fall; you posed distraction," you sobbed, crumpling in on yourself. "He was distracted by your fall... This shouldn't've happened, this is all wrong!"

The trio just watched you, knowing your emotions were raw and unwavering, that your words did not have meaning because your husband had just died in your arms. Hours passed, you did not move. Hours passed, your husband did not return. Hours passed, and your heart shattered with each passing breath you selfishly drew.

Because living felt selfish now without Osferth.

"Sweet one," Finan whispered, the sun setting, "we should move him. Bring him to the church so Benedict can pray."

Your head shook, "No."

"Darlin', we have to - "

"No," you whimpered, "because if you take him to Benedict, it's real. If we move, he's truly gone... He can't be gone, Finan," you sobbed, meeting your friend's eyes. "If you move him, he's gone, I'm not ready to say goodbye, please. Please, don't take him from me."

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, "but he should be laid to rest."

"Don't take him from me," you begged, a new wave of tears starting. "I just - we were supposed to be a family. We were supposed to have this baby, and now, it's just me? This cannot be, so please, don't take him from me, I only need him back. Give him back to me, Finan, please, I can't be without him."

"I know," he nodded, gently encouraging you into his embrace. It meant you had to let go of Osferth, something you did slowly and gradually, leaning into the Irishman's chest. "All right, I got yah," he whispered, looking to his wife. "C'mon, stand with Ingrith. I'll carry him."

"Be gentle," you sobbed, feeling Ingrith grip your arms to help heave you to your feet; watching Finan scoop Osferth over his shoulder. The change of position made more blood splatter to the dirt, your heart stalling in your chest when you heard the mess.

You felt your soul shriveled and hidden somewhere deep in your chest, following as if in a trance. You watched Finan and Cynleaf slowly lower Osferth to the ground with the other dead Danes, feeling yourself drop to the ground in shock.

Seeing Osferth amongst the dead made it so much more real.

"It's all my fault," you sobbed, Finan moving to your side, "it's all my fault, I got him killed. I should've been quicker. This is my fault, my fault, I did this, 's my fault."

Finan knelt beside you, bringing your foreheads together to hold you tightly and let you sob into his embrace. "You didn't do this," he promised, "you did nothing wrong. You are not at fault. Do not carry this guilt."

You sobbed without reprieve.

Young Uhtred halted Father Benedict from praying over the Danes, telling the older man they had different customs, but looked back at you. He asked your name softly, wondering, "Do you wish for a prayer for... Him?"

Even Young Uhtred couldn't stomach the truth, avoiding using Osferth's name out of sheer disbelief.

"That'd be nice," Finan agreed, turning to sit beside you and hold you under his arm. You leaned into his embrace, head to his shoulder. "She read him his death rites when... It happened."

Young Uhtred nodded, bowing his head, leading, "Our Father, Who art in heaven, Hallowed be Thy Name. Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be done, On earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day, our daily bread, And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil."

Then, you joined from under Finan's heavy arm, sobbing through your words, "Hail Mary, Full of Grace, The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now, and at the hour of our death."

Benedict finished, "Glory Be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit. As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end."

Together, you, Ingrith, Young Uhtred, Benedict, Finan, and even Cynleaf ended, "Amen."

Feeling the most level-headed, Ingrith stepped in and directed the men; informing that Young Uhtred should lead the remaining Danes to Daneland, Finan and Cynleaf would meet Uhtred on the road, and she would accompany you to Wessex - where Osferth could be laid to rest at the place of his birth. Then, the people mourned together for their fallen.

Finan disagreed initially, telling his wife you were his responsibility now that Osferth was passed. But there was no way you could continue with the company, not in your pregnant state. Finan didn't like the idea of you being without him, considering you close to a sister; something of a best mate, someone he couldn't turn his back on - no matter the situation. However, he understood the predicament and finally agreed to part ways, but not before he untied Osferth's crucifix and latched it around your neck. At the gates of Rumcofa, before separating, Finan gifted you his rosary; thinking it might bring comfort in his physical absence.

Years from then, you would bring up a single son named Gabriel (a name your husband favored, a name benefitting an Angel) under Lord Uhtred in his birthplace of Bebbanburg. You never remarried. You never even so much as looked after another man with lust. Gabriel would grow into a handsome warrior and a devoted man of God, satisfied on tales about his father; being painted as a man of honor, integrity, and bravery. Osferth, too, was a man of God, a man of the sword, and a man of his word... Until the very end. And when your time came, you were brought back to Wessex to be laid to rest with your husband; your son having a son, naming him Osferth, and knowing, both his parents shined down on him in pride.

It was a comfort for everyone to know, somewhere in the afterlife, in God's warmth, you and Osferth were reunited; looking just as you did the day you parted from one another.

requesting rules and masterlist

[justiceamberheard]

''Who Trolled Amber'' podcast

The highlights of each episode from the podcast. You can listen to it on Spotify, Youtube etc. EPISODE 1.

The outcome of the trial definitely damaged #METOO movement;

There were 80k of anti Amber Heard tweets, more than anti JD tweets even though AH was the one who accused him of abuse;

There's no way it was all organic, they either bought bots or those were real people pretending to be JD's supporters;

According to Jennifer Robinson, one of AH lawyers from the UK trial, Amber'd never wanted to relieve what had happened to her during the relationship;

Jennifer thought it'd be easier to win the US than in the UK;

The information about bots were thrown out way before the trial hence Ron Shnell couldn't talk about in the courtroom; EPISODE 2.

According to Ron Shnell there was a bot campaign against AH but he wasn't 100% sure because the judge struck out that research;

Kathryn Arnold shared that AH wasn't allowed to be a part of Aquaman 2 promotion tour and was banned from posting anything Aquaman related;

KA also said that AH couldn't audition, no one would hire her and that the agents were told not to touch her[AH]; EPISODE 3

The podcast creators asked experts(Kai-Cheng Yang) to check the date that was given by Ron Shnell;

According to the data: many accounts with no followers had tweets with more than 5k retweets/likes; hundreds of identical tweets were posted in one day; many accounts liked 400k tweets; 10k of identical comments were left under AH youtube videos; many accounts change their tune(from right wing Chile politics) and out of nowhere started to post pro JD tweets; half oh the data/accounts/tweets were generated by inauthentic accounts and then the real accounts started to engage with those tweets etc. it all started in November 2020 when JD lost the UK case and was fired from Fantastic Beasts; EPISODE 4

Cameron Herrin case was mentioned, more specifically the sudden interest and pro CH posts on TikTok asking to reduce his sentence and that he is innocent. Most of the accounts that were spreading those posts were from Middle East; EPISODE 5

Some Arabic twitter accounts suddenly started to tweet Pro JD tweets in English during and after the US trial;

The friendship betweet Johnny Depp and prince Mohammed was mentioned(him financing JD directorial movie Modi); EPISODE 6

Adam Waldman worked for Lavrov as a consultant for years(2010-2017);

During the deposition Adam Waldman refused to answer more than 70 questions;

Alexi Mostrous tried contacting ''the internet journalists'' aka TUG and ThatBrianFella but they didn't answer; he also pointed out that the audios that were posted by ThatBrianFella were clearly edited(we know);

Mostrous also tried to call Adam Waldman but he didn't pick up the phone and 25 minutes later posted a tweet:

“He[Adam Waldman] attacked witnesses, he attacked us (legal team)..unlike anything I have ever seen from a lawyer” said Jennifer Robinson. ''Amber Heard wrote an Op-ed for Washington Post which is a very respected publication and Johnny Depp's name isn't in it. It told to survivors if this can be done to a woman whose actually well-known and well-established person in the industry, it's gonna be even worse for you.'' All-in-All, it's clear as day that Waldman was behind the bot campaign against Amber. We've known that but it's good that a popular podcast researched about it and shed a light on it. Plus it's always great to see JD fans being nervous and panicky.

[zingay]

Do not conflate Jewish people with Israel and do not conflate Palestinians with Hamas. Criticising the Israeli government + military and Hamas is completely fair, but you must criticise both for their actions. Don't pin everything that's happening on Hamas alone like I'm seeing people do because everything Hamas does is immediately linked to the Israeli government.

Israel's cruelty created Hamas, and Netanyahu funded and uplifted them to power to get rid of other "more acceptable" Palestinian groups like the PLO to prevent the creation of a Palestinian state. This serves the purpose of turning the world against Palestine and to separate Gaza and the West Bank. They then forced Gaza into an open-air prison, and no election has been held since 2006 to allow the Palestinian people of Gaza to choose their representatives.

X (paid article) X

Palestinian people have attempted peaceful negotiations and protests in the past, the most notable being the 2018 protest, The Great March of Return. Protests that took place on Fridays to fight for the right to return to their stolen homes and to end the illegal blockade of Gaza (which remains to this day). Israel responded with violence, using snipers to kill and injure protestors. Many women and children were killed or disabled as a result.

X X

Many Jewish people in and out of the state of Israel are antizionist and do not support the occupation of Palestine. This has been the cause of many raids by the Israeli police. Jewish people around the world have spoken up and protested against the Israeli government, calling zionism itself antisemitism.

X X X (highly recommend going through this account)

No matter what the Israeli government cosplays as, it will never be a democracy or a safe place for Jewish people if people are not allowed to protest or criticise the government. Netanyahu's approval continues to drop after months of protest against the proposal to reduce the power of the Supreme Court, giving more power to the government. This has been destroying the illusion of Israel as a democratic state.

X

X

This part is purely based on my snd others' suspicions as it is based on much more recent events and information, but also past actions of the Israeli government. But considering the warning that Israel has received from Egypt days before the October 7th attacks (X), and the sudden change in location of the Universo Paralello Festival 2 days before the event (X), you might question if this was on purpose to both distract from the Israeli's protests and police raids against them and get rid of the Palestinians.

Standing with Palestine is standing against zionism and genocide. Standing with Israel is standing with violence and antisemetism.

We will get nowhere if we continue allowing people to believe all Palestinians are terrorists and that all Jewish people are zionists. We can deal with groups like Hamas later. We can deal with violent zionists later. As we've seen, none of this can be done humanely before Palestine is freed.

[undertheshivers]

I have many of thoughts about TSC. But to start off, I'm incredibly curious about Jeremy.

This book is dual POV between Jean and Jeremy. But the story revolves around Jean's journey. I think it makes a lot of sense considering he's been through so much—he needs the focus and time to get to where he is at the end. He's ready to open up and become his own person now for the next book. If that focus wasn't there on him, we might not fully feel this. Or if the focus was equally split, it might be a lot for one book. Cause I think Jeremy's got his own demons.

We know it's hinted at throughout. But that's it. Hints. Even in Jeremy's POV we barely get any insight. @kevindavidday mentioned that this very much might be done on purpose to show how Jeremy deals with his issues. Or that he doesn't deal with them, instead he distracts himself with those around him and tries to help them (i.e. Jean).

So just to go over what we know:

- Jeremy has a tumultuous relationship with his family.

- His family does not like Exy. They resent him for it.

- He doesn't get along with his step grandfather.

- Something odd about his siblings.

- He specifically avoids his older brother.

- Something happened after one of the banquets.

- He's gone/going to therapy, which apparently had helped him significantly.

- Despite him not liking living at home, there's an insinuation that he has to.

One theory I really want to put out there is about Jeremy's siblings. When Jean learns about the siblings, Cat stutters before saying the number. It leads me to believe that Jeremy's second brother is dead.

Taking into account that we have one scene with Jeremy's sister and at least know his older brother is in the house, that leaves one sibling unaccounted for. And considering the pause before saying the number, I think this indicates Cat was going to say "Two."

Taking this theory, does this connect to the banquet? Or at least why his family doesn't like Exy? There seems to have been an event that changed their family forever. Did his brother die because of something related to Exy?

Also who is his grandfather? Wealthy and seems to be a horrible person considering Jeremy of all people does not like him at all. What did he do to get Jeremy not to like him? Is he going to be a bigger player in the next book? Does he have a similar threatening influence that many high power figures have in the series?

I'm really excited to get these answers. We've spent so much time with Jean and his journey, I'm wilding to see Jeremy's. And how Jean might help him, just like how has Jeremy helped Jean.

I have things to say about their dynamic, too, but I'll leave that for a different post.

[mrs-monaghan]

Claiming you are a OT7 army but pushing and promoting the hate towards taehyung makes you a hypocrite.

Jkkrs are slowly becoming the vermin by pushing false narratives to match their perception of taehyung. It has come to a point whereby we are also starting to base reality of Jikook around villainizing Taehyung. It disappointing honestly to undermine a 10+ year relationship that vmin publicly claimed as soulmates just becuz of social media posts. Dubbing words such as envious to a person Jimin deems important to him is utterly disrespectful.

At the end of the day... WE DO NOT KNOW THEM... so we should believe in their words rather than conspiracies that lead to outrageous conclusions. We jkkrs always preach about how we should only believe in what Jimin and Jungkook say but here we are disrespecting Jimin's words. Words that was just spoken in last week's Sapporo episode.

The truth of the matter is that Jimin and Taehyung are still very close. It justifiable hating Taehyung's subfandoms but hating him is not becuz it based off baseless theories.

More and more each day we jkkrs are starting to resemble the vermin. So fuckin disappointed.

I know you need a Jikooker to yell at, but I take issues when people accuse me of things I haven't personally done. Just because other Jikookers are acting a certain way, if I haven't done what they're doing, I resent being accused of it.

I. Shaz. Love. V. I wouldn't say that if I didnt. Trust me. Or don't. Either way, read this

I had this talk with some friends on discord but here is the thing. I may still care about V but I can understand why some people have washed their hands off of him. I've said this 1000 times but as long as Jikook keep loving V, so will I. But that doesn't have anything to do with holding V accountable for his actions. Jimin and JK may be okay with him, but us as fans are still allowed to question his behaviour.

Jikookers will complain that during FACE everyone and their dog made posts supporting the album except V. Then people like u will say, you don't know them personally, V probably praised him privately. And I would counter with the fact that V posted about Dday and TXT's album. Does that mean he didn't praise them privately???

Same thing happened with MUSE even though the guy finds a way to still be online all the time even while enlisted.

When Jikook were enlisting he posted that shirtless facetime screenshot of JK. Was Jimin not enlisting too?? Why didn't he post about him?

JK himself has come online to correct things that V said. Pointing out that, that's not how it happened. So if JK himself feels the need to correct misinformation, why are we being side eyed?

V promotes everyone except for Jimin, the vermin notice this just like we do and do you know what happens? They go to town on Jimin talking about how V only promotes good music. That Jimin makes garbage music and that's why V can't support it.

I assume you're here due to that post I just made about them not knowing eo as well as they used to. Bro, I ain't making this up. We have seen this with our own eyes. Them trying to guess things about eo and ending up being wrong. That wouldn't have happened way back when. I could talk about the many, many times he has gone quiet only to finally post when the fandom is focused on Jimin.

You say that we don't listen to members, except that's all I do. I watch Vmin chronologically and they're not the same. U would see it too if u did the same. Jimin seems tighter with Jungkook Jhope and V seems tighter with the Wooga Squad. And like I mentioned before, we've seen on original content JK come online to ammend something V said so... how is that me not listening to members? RM saying that V is not very good at self awareness, how is that not me listening to members?

Anon, Vmin aren't the same. U wanna live in denial thats fine. But don't be mad when those of us confident enough to talk about it, do.

.

.

.

Tkkrs hate Jimin because of his bond with JK. But Jimin has never done anything to V. Additionally he does things that makes those morons come for Jimin everyday. That's why jkkrs get upset with him. We don't have an issue with him just because he hangs out with JK or is the closest to JK (he not) And that is why angry anon, we will never be like the vermin.

[nofomogirl]

Good Omen's problem with having two canons

They're fundamentally different. That's the problem. That's my point.

For quite a while I focused almost exclusively on the new season of Good Omens, but now I am slowly delving into analysis that takes the entire show into account, and I've encountered a little obstacle. Namely, things from S1 can be really tricky to interpret.

Fair warning: this post is going to zig-zag between various points but I want you to trust me and take this scenic route with me. It will take us somewhere eventually, I promise.

The Arrangement

It's one of the core elements in the Good Omens universe and at the same time a perfect example of the issue I want to discuss. So let's have a closer look together.

In the book, the Arrangement is presented to us in two passages:

the first one, where it is first - very briefly - mentioned:

Aziraphale had tried to explain [free will] to him once. The whole point, he'd said - this was somewhere around 1020, when they'd first reached their little Arrangement - the whole point was that when a human was good or bad it was because they wanted to be.

and the second one, where it is properly introduced and explained:

The Arrangement was very simple, so simple in fact, that it didn't really deserve the capital letter, which it had got for simply being in existence for so long. It was the sort of sensible arrangement that many isolated agents, working in awkward conditions a long way from their superiors, reach with their opposite number when they realize they have more in common with their immediate opponents than their remote allies. It meant a tacit non-interference in certain of each other's activities. It made certain that while neither really won, also neither really lost, and both were able to demonstrate to their masters the great strides they were making against a cunning and well-informed adversary. (...) And then, of course, it had seemed even natural that they should, as it were, hold the fort for one another whenever common sense dictated. Both were of angel stock, after all. If one was going to Hull for a quick temptation, it made sense to nip across the city and carry out a standard brief moment of divine ecstasy. It'd get done anyway, and being sensible about it gave everyone more free time and cut down on expenses.

In the show, the Arrangement is presented to us in two original scenes in the cold opening of S1E3:

(I am quoting most relevant dialogues only)

537 AD, Wessex:

C: So we're both working very hard in damp places and just canceling each other out? A: Well, you could put it like that. It is a bit damp. C: Be easier if we both stayed home. If we just send messages back to our head offices saying we'd done everything they'd asked for, wouldn't it? A: But that would be lying. C: Eh, possibly, but the end result would be the same. Cancel each other out. A: But my dear fellow... well, they'd check. Michael's a bit of a stickler. You don't want to get Gabriel upset with you. C: Oh, our lot have better things to do than verifying compliance reports from Earth. As long as they get paperwork they seem happy enough. As long as you're being seen doing something every now and again. A: No! Absolutely not! I am shocked that you would even imply such a thing. We're not having that conversation, not another word!

1601 AD, The Globe Theatre:

A: I have to be in Edinburgh at the end of the week. A couple of blessings to do. A minor miracle to perform. (...) C: I'm meant to be heading to Edinburgh too this week. Tempting a clan leader to steal some cattle. A: Doesn't sound like hard work. C: That's why I thought we should... Well, bit of a waste of effort, both of us going all the way to Scotland. A: You cannot actually be suggesting what I infer that you are implying. C: Which is? A: That just one of us goes to Edingburgh, does both. The blessing and the tempting. C: We've done it before. Dozens of times now. The Arrangement- A: Don't say that! C: Our respective offices don't actually care how things get done. They just want to know they can cross it off the list.

S2 doesn't actually reference the Arrangement. But it does reuse the dialogue about free will where the 1020 date is dropped. We will get back to it.

The challenge of adapting Good Omens

Good Omens shares a certain characteristic with all of Terry Pratchett's solo books I've read - it couldn't care less about "showing instead of telling". Which I love, just to be clear. A book is a written medium. It's made with words and one of words' major strengths is that you can use them to just tell things point blanc.

Good Omens does it a lot and it's fantastic.

Look at that second passage from the book I quoted earlier.

From just those few sentences we learn a lot about the relationships between:

Heaven and Hell (opponents and competition)

Aziraphale and Crowley (two individuals in the same position and in direct contact with each other)

Aziraphale/Crowley and Heaven/Hell (field agent and a remote HQ that are not in direct contact)

Aziraphale/Crowley and Earth (two individuals and a space they live in)

Heaven/Hell and Earth (a board where the game is played, only winning or losing matters, what actually happens on a board does not)

It's really an extra condensed worldbuilding gem sprinkled with humor, so it's no surprise it's become one of the most iconic passages from the book.

I mean, just browse through some interviews with David and Michael - especially the ones from 2019 - where they explain what Aziraphale and Crowley are about. You'll be hard-pressed to find any where they don't reference that specific paragraph, consciously or otherwise.

But it's only this neat on the pages of the book, where narration like this takes mere seconds to absorb. It's impossible to convey the same information in a visual medium with anywhere near the same efficiency.

The fact that the majority of Good Omens is like this was, in my opinion, a main challenge the adaptation faced. The book is very narration-heavy. It's full of fun facts about characters, side jokes, hilarious comments, etc. Some of that precious material was salvaged by introducing God as a narrator, but there was only so much of it you could squeeze into a TV show. The rest had to either be fit into dialogues or lost in translation from the written medium to the visual one.

Obviously, in the case of the Arrangement, it was the dialogues.

Book canon and show canon

We all know they're not the same. Neil Gaiman also pointed it out several times. But I think our mistake is that we still tend to think about them as complementary.

Look at the Arrangement again. The show canon seems to merely expand on the book canon. Add extra details and fill in the blanks. The Arrangement works the exact same way, except now we also know more about how it started.

If we compile what we know from the book with what we know from the show, we get a more detailed timeline:

Crowley first proposes the Arrangement in 537 (show).

The Arrangement starts in 1020 (book), ie. Aziraphale finally agrees to it (show - deduction); we don't know for sure if it's a "basic version" (not getting in each other's way), or a "full version" (doing each other's jobs) but we can assume it's the former.

In 1601 "full version" of the Arrangement is in place for some time (they've done it dozens of times) but Aziraphale still objects and needs convincing.

But read that description from a book once more.

Does it really fit into the version of events shown in the TV series?

The Arrangement in the book is something that just happened. A natural, and in a way inevitable result of Aziraphale and Crowley's circumstances. We are never told who came up with it first because it doesn't matter. Because it could have been either of them. Because after five millennia on Earth, they were both ready to do it. They were both of the same mind. For all we know it might have been an unspoken agreement all along!

But for the show, the creators had to come up with a good reason for the Arrangement to be discussed out loud. And what could be a more natural situation for someone to describe and explain an idea than trying to sell that idea to someone else?

For that practical reason - among many others, no doubt - the Arrangement is not only explicitly Crowley's idea, but an idea Aziraphale vehemently rejects at first. He needs to be convinced and even when he finally relents he's never entirely comfortable with it. He keeps objecting and it requires Crowley's constant effort for them to keep cooperating in any way.

The fact that Aziraphale is reluctant gives Crowley a perfect reason to keep convincing him ie. talk about the Arrangement. But the fact that he needs to explain and keep convincing Aziraphale means that Aziraphale is no longer a person who understands the same things and feels the same way.

That is a huge change.

Of course, you may say that what I've written about the Arrangement in the book is just my interpretation. It's true that technically there's nothing there that would contradict the events from the show in any way. The thing is, the events in the show aren't very compatible with the overall characterization of the ineffable duo in the book.

Evolution of Aziraphale and Crowley

You might have read that our leading pair was originally conceived as a single character that Neil and Terry eventually decided to split into two separate individuals.

My reaction when I first learned about it was: "Of course they were! That makes so much sense!" Because honestly, as a person who watched the show first and then read the book, I was surprised at how few differences there were between the two in the original text. If you squint your eyes really tight, you can see how book!Aziraphale and book!Crowley are two versions of the same character. They're far more similar than their show versions.

Most importantly, their attitudes toward Heaven and Hell are pretty much identical. Perfectly mirrored in every regard. What Hell is for Crowley, Heaven is for Aziraphale. What Hell is for Aziraphale, Heaven is for Crowley. In. Every. Possible. Way.

Allow me to present some evidence from the book.

Exhibit #1: the end of the scene where Crowley convinces Aziraphale to interfere with Warlock's upbringing

'You're saying the child isn't evil of itself?' he said slowly. 'Potentially evil. Potentially good too, I suppose. Just this huge powerful potentiality, waiting to be shaped,' said Crowley. He shrugged. 'Anyway, why're we talking about this good and evil? They're just names for sides. We know that.' 'I suppose it's got to be worth a try,' said the angel. Crowley nodded encouragingly. 'Agreed?' said the demon, holding out his hand. The angel shook it, cautiously. 'It'll certainly be more interesting than saints,' he said. 'And it'll be for the child's own good, in the long run,' said Crowley. (...)

When Crowley first points out that good and evil are just names for sides, and then insists it's something they both know, Aziraphale doesn't react in any way. That's because these aren't things that book!Aziraphale disagrees with. He does indeed know it and doesn't deny it.

Also, please note just how cynical the angel is here with his comment that influencing the Antichrist would be a more interesting project than influencing saints!

Both would be rather OOC for show!Aziraphale.

Exhibit #2: the scene just after Warlock Dowling's birthday party, when it becomes evident he is not the Antichrist

'You said it was him!' moaned Aziraphale (...) 'It was him,' said Crowley. (...) 'Then someone else must be interfering.' 'There isn't anyone else! There's just us, right? Good and Evil. One side or the other.' He thumped the steering wheel. 'You'll be amazed at the kind of things they can do to you, down there,' he said. 'I imagine they're very similar to the sort of things they can do to you up there,' said Aziraphale. 'Come off it. Your lot get ineffable mercy,' said Crowley sourly. 'Yes? Did you ever visit Gomorrah?' 'Sure' said the demon. 'There was this great little tavern where you could get these terrific fermented date-palm cocktails with nutmeg and crushed lemongrass-' 'I meant afterwards.' 'Oh.'

Can you imagine this kind of exchange in the TV series? Can you imagine show!Aziraphale being this realistic about Heaven, and show!Crowley so naive about it? There's no way.

Show!Aziraphale genuinely believes that Heaven is good at its core.

Book!Aziraphale knows Heaven isn't any different than Hell and would punish him just as ruthlessly and unfairly as Hell would Crowley.

Show!Crowley understands both Heaven and Hell on a very deep level and is highly aware of their true nature.

Book!Crowley buys a piece of celestial propaganda about ineffable mercy and actually expects Heaven to be forgiving.

Let the magnitude of that difference sink.

Exhibit #3: same scene, a bit further

'So all we've got to do is find it,' said Crowley. 'Go through the hospital records.' The Bentley's engine coughed into life and the car leapt forward, forcing Aziraphale back into the seat. 'And then what?' he said. 'And then we find the child.' 'And then what?' The angel shut his eyes as the car crabbed around the corner. 'Don't know.' 'Good grief.' 'I suppose (...) your people wouldn't consider (...) giving me asylum?' 'I was going to ask you the same thing. (...)'

This is just a cherry on top, really.

Yes, in the book, when things go pear-shaped, both Aziraphale and Crowley consider seeking asylum on the opposite side.

Do you need more proof that book canon and show canon really aren't as compatible as they may seem?

Free will

As promised, let's get back to that dialogue because while it may not be obvious at first glance it really illustrates perfectly the problem arising from balancing between two canons.

Here is the full quote from the book:

Aziraphale had tried to explain [free will] to him once. The whole point, he'd said - this was somewhere around 1020, when they'd first reached their little Arrangement - the whole point was that when a human was good or bad it was because they wanted to be. Whereas people like Crowley and, of course, himself, were set in their ways right from the start. People couldn't become truly holy, he said, unless they also had the opportunity to be definitively wicked. Crowley had thought about it for some time and, around about 1023, had said, Hang on, that only works, right, if you start everyone off equal, OK? You can't start someone off in a muddy shack in the middle of a war zone and expect them to do as well as someone born in a castle. Ah, Aziraphale had said, that's the good bit. The lower you start, the more opportunities you have. Crowley had said, That's lunatic. No, said Aziraphale, it's ineffable.

And here, for comparison, is how it was reused in S2E3:

A: There is a stolen body in that barrel! This is wicked! C: Oh, I'm down with wicked! Anyway, is it wicked? She needed the money. A: That is irrelevant. Look, I am good. You, I'm afraid, are evil. But people get a choice. You know, they cannot be truly holy unless they also get the opportunity to be wicked. She is wicked. C: Yeah, that only works if you start everyone off equal. You can't start someone off like that and expect her to do as well as someone born in a castle. A: Ah, but no, no. That's the good bit. The lower you start, the more opportunities you have. So Elspeth here has all the opportunities because she's so poor. C: That's lunacy. A: No, that's ineffable.

I'll be honest with you - I didn't like that scene in the show. It felt jarring and off. Aziraphale was acting like it was his first day on Earth and it was frustrating to watch.

Then, on one of the rewatches, just as I was rolling my eyes at "that's ineffable", a bulb lit in my brain. That line didn't work there because it wasn't created to be there! In the book and in S1 "it's ineffable" was kind of Aziraphale's catchphrase but in S2 it only appears this once. More importantly, in the book and S1, the fact that the angel would say that was all a build-up to the scene when he threw it in Heaven's face at the Tadfield Airbase. Using that word in S2 was like trying to make a running joke that has already reached its destination run again.

And just like that one line the entire dialogue didn't fit because it wasn't meant to be there. It was created for an entirely different context.

What's the difference?

Firstly, book!husbands' conviction was very shallow and it wasn't uncommon for both of them to spout slogans without meaning them. Therefore, book!Aziraphale's words didn't carry that much weight. The very fact that the conversation took place at the same time they formed the Arrangement tells us something about how serious he was. But show!Aziraphale's relationship with his beliefs is different, so when he says things like that it's a much bigger deal.

Secondly, the book explicitly states that Aziraphale and Crowley only developed free will on Earth, due to extended exposure to mankind. The show never really makes a stand on the matter but based on what we've seen so far I think we can safely assume that angels and demons are capable of making their own choices as much as humans do.

In other words, in its original context, the conversation was just Aziraphale talking about a concept he didn't fully grasp, quoting propaganda he didn't fully subscribe to. He was being ignorant and mildly obnoxious in an endearing way.

But using the same dialogue verbatim in the Resurrectionist carried a completely different meaning. Aziraphale who utters it in the show has no reason to be so ignorant about free will. Aziraphale who utters it in the show genuinely tries to defend Heaven. Most importantly, Aziraphale who utters it in the show, doesn't just idly bicker with his friend about general things but is judging an actual human individual that's right in front of them. That, more than anything else, makes it sound heartless and ignorant.

What is the problem with having two canons, exactly?

It's time to wrap things up.

In the opening paragraphs, I've mentioned that I've noticed the issue while interpreting scenes from S1, and yes, that was the case and I do believe that the existence of two canons is especially problematic for S1. That's because pretty much every scene in S1 is potentially like that dialogue about free will in S2, except subtler and harder to spot.

A grand majority of what we see and hear in S1 comes directly from the book. But while words and actions were kept, in some instances things that gave them their original meaning might no longer be valid in the show universe. Sometimes they easily take new meaning, and we don't even notice. But sometimes there's this dissonance that's not as easy to work around.

S1 deviated from the book and created its own canon. But the difference didn't seem to go very deep and it seemed perfectly reasonable to use some trivia from the book to shed some extra light on the content of the show. I used to do it in my head, even though I was aware of the changes that were made.

But S2 expanded the show canon so far beyond what was in the book that I'm really not sure it makes sense to compile them anymore.

There are a lot of things that were only explicitly stated in the book that I keep clinging to. But perhaps it's time to let go...

Thank you for your patience.

I know all of the above isn't exactly a revolutionary discovery, but I needed to get it off my chest before writing anything else.

[honeytonedhottie]

trusting and betting on urself⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🫧

keep promises that u make to urself : just like how if u know someone who continuously makes promises to do something, yet they never act upon it, you won't trust that person or believe them if they promise u something else. this is also the same with urself. ur new years resolutions? ur goals that you've had for a while but never ever did? all those promises that you've made to yourself and the ones that you haven't followed up on will lessen trust with urself. do what u say you'll do. "stand on business" and if u know that u won't be able to deliver or do what u say you would, dont say it. dont tell urself promises that u won't be able to keep. once u start keeping ur own promises, you'll start to build trust within urself.

hold yourself accountable : just a quick disclaimer but when i say holding urself accountable i do NOT mean punishing urself!! when u find urself falling into old and fruitless patterns you need to hold urself accountable and make sure that u straighten up. the thing about our relationship with self is that a relationship needs BOUNDARIES. you need to set boundaries with urself. what will u or what will u not do? ur non-negotiables?

and when u find urself crossing boundaries within yourself take the BIGGEST step back. the key to forming a healthy relationship with urself is to balance being strict and gentle with urself. strict in the sense that ur the only one that can get u to where u wanna be, and gentle in the sense that ur best won't look the same every single day and u should also listen to urself and what u want, without having to compromise on ur boundaries. kind of finding that middle line is important, bcuz when we're too lenient with ourselves, we get too comfortable and that leads me into my next point...

where growth begins : u cannot expect to grow if ur too comfortable and honestly, this is why most people stay stagnant. its bcuz being comfortable FEELS GOOD. but growth will almost never happen when ur comfortable, on the contrary growth can only happen outside of ur comfort zone. if u want better things for urself, ur simply gonna have to DO BETTER.

the importance of ur self concept : even if ur not familiar with or u dont practice conscious manifesting/law of assumption, i think that working on ur self concept can still be such a fruitful thing to do. i say this because self concept is the way that u view urself in relation to ur desires/goals. its seeing urself as worthy and powerful, and truly grasping ur potential to do great things. a way to start with ur self concept is with affirmations! start telling urself about urself in a positive connotation. you're unstoppable <3

putting it into practice : start small, challenge urself a little bit every day. do one hard thing a day, doing so will build ur confidence bcuz u won't be so daunted by ur big goals when you've already done so many hard things. when u see something challenging instead of thinking "oh i can't do this" you'll have confidence in urself and what u are capable of. oftentimes when we have goals, we kick ourselves out of rooms before we've even tried to get in them bcuz we think "im not good enough" or "im not worthy" which isnt true at ALL. dont shoot urself in the foot. thats self sabotage. and thats not hot.

motivating urself : if u remind urself of your "why" then you'll have reason to stay consistent and truly try. i recommend asking urself the tougher questions, like "what do i want out of my life?" or "am i truly happy and if not what can i do to get there?" once you've decided what u want out of life make a VISION BOARD and actively pursue your dreams. u can't actively pursue something if u dont know what it is. so i advise u to remind urself whenever u feel that u need it of your "why", your driving cause. having that motivation, and actively pursuing and keeping the promises that u make to urself -> will then build ur confidence in yourself to the point where your betting on urself bcuz u know that no matter what cards you are dealt, you'll prosper.

so just to wrap things up, an overview ; start keeping ur promises -> be strict -> get comfy being uncomfy -> say ur self concept affirmations -> apply -> remind

[transgendz]

Emergency!!!

My roommate and I are loving in an incredibly moldy place. We have housing funds and are applying for places while also waiting for an opening at a place we've been approved for.

Housing isn't happening fast enough though, and we will need to get out of here and stay in a bnb until we can get housed because our health is failing rapidly here.

This goal will also cover food, air purifier filters, and medication so that we can survive the mold here until we can get out. I am having to raise the goal to also cover our storage bill, and another week of rent here because progress has nearly stopped entirely in the past few days.

I will do art for anyone who gives $50+ it's just gonna take time bc I am horribly sick. Contact me for art @theartistrans

Also I already have numbers for pro bono lawyers, I know this situation with our landlord has been criminally bad, we gotta get out before we can get something done abt it unfortunately.

$creepiecrippl

V: @tab-99

$1,017/$3,000

[buddiebeginz]

I was talking to a friend earlier and it got me thinking about something.

B*mmy stans project all of the stuff they do onto us to an extent I've never seen with any other fandom discourse before.

They call us homophobic for not liking B/T or T*mmy. Yet they hate on people for shipping Buddie or seeing Eddie as queer. To the point of harassing people for including Eddie and Buddie in pride posts. Continually harassing the 911news account and even trying to dox a journalist for posting about Buddie.

They call us delusional for having watched two men love and support one another for 6 going on 7 years and for thinking there could be something more than friendship there. Even though Oliver, Ryan, and Tim have all said they see what we see. Yet they've seen Buck kiss a guy twice, have very minimal screen time or development and they headcanon that they're in love and will get married in the coming season.

They say we fetishize Buddie. Yet most of the time when our fandom is discussing our ship we're talking about the emotional connection between them. Or how we want to see them finally be together in a canon romantic relationship or as a full fledged family (with Chris). Or have their first kiss. Meanwhile most of their posts are the kind of sex they headcanon Buck and T*mmy have. Hell after that that dinner scene tons of them changed their urls to something with daddy in it (referencing the out of place daddy kink joke). To be clear there's nothing wrong with headcanons about fictional characters sex lives. But the main reason most of us ship Buddie is not just because they're two hot guys who we want to think about f*cking, it's because we're invested in the story of their life together. The same can't be said for B/T.

They say we feminize Buck for Buddie:

Meanwhile most of their fics/art/headcanons involve T*mmy being the big strong protector rescuing the "damsel in distress" Buck. They constantly talk about how hot it is that T*mmy is this big older "daddy" firefighter who can take care of Buck and guide him in what it means to be in a m|m relationship.

They say we've made Buck's coming out all about Buddie but 1. Eddie and Buck's feelings for him were heavily included in Buck's bi awakening ep. 2. They have made T*mmy synonymous with buck's coming out to the point of saying Buck wouldn't have even realized he liked men without T*mmy. They've even said that if T*mmy and Buck were to break up in s8 that it would ruin Buck's coming out story.

They accuse our fandom of being mean and of harassing the actors including of sending death threats to Lou. Of chasing Lou off of social media and being the one who caused him to stop his cameos. They say we're the reason Oliver chooses not interact with Lou or anything B/T related online. When there has been no proof of any of this. Meanwhile there is proof from their own fandom that Oliver and Ryan have blocked some of them. They have repeatedly tried to pressure Oliver to interact with B/T posts and Lou. They were also leaving comments on the the video of the podcast Ryan did (with Tommy DiDario) where he talked about his s*icide attempt, telling him he should have finished the job.

They call us a cult or BoBs (Buddie or Bust) yet they dress up like Lou and would still be paying for his videos if he was still willing to put them out. They prioritize Lou/T*mmy above any other character on the show. They talk about how T*mmy should get a begins episode. How T*mmy should be a main character. They defend everything T*mmy has ever done including when he was racist and homophobic to Chim and Hen. They harass anyone who has a negative word to say about their ship or Lou or T*mmy much like a cult would protect their leader. They to this day act like everything Lou ever told them in his cameos is the gospel truth.

911 fandom has grown increasingly toxic ever since B/T became a thing and I honestly just can't wait for the day we either find out T*mmy isn't coming back or when his last ep will be. I mean in some ways our fandom won't ever be the same after this. I've seen a lot of ugly sides to people who I had followed for years as Buddie shippers.

It will never not confuse the hell out of me that some people who were big time Buddie shippers for years not only dropped Buddie but turned completely against the ship and our fandom. And all for a ship that is seriously underdeveloped and one that it's clear the show is telling us in flashing neon lights isn't meant to last.

[hawkinsschoolcounselor]

Prediction for the start of season 5

I've been going crazy trying to figure out just how they'll transition into season 5. It certainly seems like "life goes on" in Hawkins despite everything that happened at the end of season 4. While it does seem like there's a military presence in town, there are clues that quite a bit of time has passed.

Aside from dates left on papers on set and whatnot, which could potentially be faked to throw people off, we see character differences that indicate time. El's hair has grown back. It's hard to tell just how long it is now, but it looks to be at least as long as it was in season 3, if not longer. We've seen little of Hopper, but we've been able to see set photos of David with a long beard. Then there's Holly, who seems older even taking into account the casting change.

This tells me we're looking at an approximate 8 months to one year time skip. While we might see some immediate aftermath from after the ending of season 4, the bulk of season 5 seems to be set in late Fall/early Winter of 1987. This isn't taking into account a possible rumored second time skip considering they're only halfway through filming.

So, how do we go from the end of the world to almost a year later? Well, there wasn't much that could be done in the position our heroes are in. Here's what I think happens after that final scene in the field.

Shortly after the "earthquake," an Army Corps of Engineers detachment arrives to help rebuild, overseen by Lt. Col. Sullivan. They proceed to block off affected areas for "safety concerns" under the pretense of having to seal up the fissures to allow for later rebuilding. In reality, they are setting up research stations and entry points while also preventing anyone else from getting in...or anything getting out.

Blocked off from being able to go after the weakened Vecna, and now faced with the concern of Sullivan possibly finding El, the heroes have to regroup. They both need to be able to hide El and have a safe base of operations. Agent Stinson arranges to set El and Hopper in the old WSQK radio station under the guise of the station being under new ownership.

While researching, I found out that many old radio stations had emergency shelters built by the government during the Cold War in case of a nuclear attack. Like the Dept of Energy Lab before it, the radio station would serve as a legitimate front for getting equipment and other resources they may need for what they're really up to. The shelter would also provide a place to hide their real activity and keep El safe. It may also even potentially provide access to the areas the military blocked off if the shelters contain escape tunnels.

We would essentially find out that the time since the end of season 4 were spent with the heroes trying to find a way into the Upside Down to get Henry while he's weak. However, it's just not possible with the military presence. The mission turns to trying to monitor both the military and the Upside Down threat until a window presents itself.

What might be the event that provides this window? I have some ideas.

The military breaches a Gate, which allows for Upside Down creatures to get out.

El has a breakthrough in her search for Max, providing them a critical clue.

Henry comes back to full strength, leading to Will getting Harry Potter-like visions of his plans.

Problems I have with this idea:

El is once again living in hiding, just as she did in season 2. I can't imagine she's able to get any kind of education unless Owens' people can set her up with tutoring.

The Byers being in town would certainly tip off Sullivan, and it doesn't look like they're lying low. I suppose they could feign moving back to Hawkins because they think she's dead.

What is up with Owens, and would his people even have the ability to do anything after the losses sustained from Sullivan's actions?

Why the hell would anyone even stay in Hawkins? This isn't the first disaster the town has dealt with in the past few years. I suppose it would cause property values to plummet to levels that could prompt a rich family to buy up land in preparation for owning everything after rebuilding. There was a Turnbow Land Development & Realty ad seen on set.

Does anyone else have thoughts on this?