#and all three other scenes that were originally there are still unfinished

[vv-ispy]

GOD

[luna-rainbow]

Thanks for your answer for the last ask.

What is wrong with the writers of the new MCU material? Do they just hate Bucky, especially the writer of the Falcon and the Winter Soldier (he's NOT the Winter Soldier anymore!)? Did Bucky kick their cat or something? This hatred and victim blaming is not justified! "Oh Bucky's just a cray-cray psycho killing machine with cool metal arm but probably belongs in a padded cell. Lol he says he had no choice such a lame excuse..."

Soo…I don’t know if people still remember the rumours from back in 2021 and I don’t know how much of it is true, but my guess at it is this: there were supposed to be two main writers on the series. Spellman was supposed to take Sam’s story, while the other guy wrote Bucky’s story. For whatever reason, the other guy quit before he finished, and didn’t give the writing team enough time to put things together.

From a story craft point of view, Bucky’s story in TFATWS reeks of first-draft-ism. It’s a scattered plot of events that don’t quite string together, and a self-contradictory characterisation that hasn’t yet been smoothed over (but was made a little more believable by Sebastian’s efforts). You can tell some central character themes had been planted in the first draft — the PTSD, the guilt, the messy way he’s trying to relearn how to interact with people (Yori, Sam and later the Wakandans), the struggle with breaking free of his past. These were all strong, interesting character beats for Bucky to work through, and it honestly could have been a good story. And I think that’s when the original writer bailed.

When Spellman picked up this draft, he was pressed for time, he hadn’t watched CATWS and he never thought he’d needed to know about Bucky’s story, so he reads TheMovieSpoiler summary of the movie and tries to piece the rest of the story together. But Bucky’s not his priority nor his interest. There’s already beats of the story that were planned and have to be there for IP reasons. So beyond what was already in the first draft as mentioned above, Bucky is made to be the fall guy to make the rest of the plot happen. Zemo’s release — well we can’t make Sam help break out the criminal that killed an African king so we’ll make Bucky do it, who cares if it makes no sense for his character. The counselling session — the show’s few moments of levity, doesn’t matter that it makes no sense but hey, forced homoeroticism is hilarious, isn’t it? The Wakandan three-way fight — I may be remembering this wrong but I think Skogland said it was one of the first scenes that she had planned for. That fight had to happen, and again Bucky was made to provoke the Wakandans to the point Seb had to step in and say, almost literally, “he would not fucking say that” to make them wind back the animosity between Bucky and Ayo. Sam’s suit — oh no we can’t have Sam asking for it himself that would be too egocentric, we also can’t have Wakandans offering because well, not like the plot actually made Sam a strong ally for Wakanda, so we get Bucky asking for Sam’s suit to be made minutes after he fixes his mistake of releasing Zemo. It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t make sense if it’s Bucky doing it, cos I really think by this stage Spellman didn’t give a shit about a character that wasn’t supposed to be his responsibility in the first place. It’s like when you’re doing group project and your teammate bails on you, you’re gonna do just enough to get that pass but you ain’t putting in the effort for a distinction cos just looking at the unfinished work is pissing you off. So then Bucky also becomes the token white male who pushes all the wrong buttons during the few token racism scenes cos we gotta make Walker have some redeemable qualities and he’s already a dick so we can’t make him racist too.

So instead of having a thoughtful story about a veteran trying to grapple with his guilt and PTSD and lack of agency and making some mistakes along the way, you get a weird disjointed plot of some guy…with some bad dreams…who randomly does things for no good personal reason…who gets made the butt of the joke for the stuff he’s experienced cos he’s got a metal arm and super soldier serum how hard could it have been he just needs to go and apologise for killing people while simultaneously having multiple poignant scenes portraying his lack of agency.

Every writer who tells you “a hero is only as interesting as the villain” just secretly wants to write a simpable villain. And when that writer isn’t very skilled, you get the disaster of TFATWS where a lot of effort is spent on making Zemo funny and personable, and Walker nuanced and sympathetic, instead of making either of the titular heroes funny or personable or nuanced or sympathetic. And yeah, I really don’t think Spellman ever cared enough about Bucky to want to make him sympathetic…or a hero. Remember when he said Bucky pulling open the van door was the first time Bucky has ever been a hero? Fuck right off with that.

[catflowerqueen]

In Stars and Time AU where it literally is just a stageplay. The "loops" are just them having to redo scenes over and over because someone forgot their lines. Or the director wanted to take things in a "new direction." Or it turns out that the "script" they were working with was actually just different unfinished drafts of some larger work that are being stitched together in an attempt to be "avant garde."

The actor playing Loop was originally going to play Siffrin, but then they literally broke their leg and the character was basically made up on the spot by rewriting a few of the monologue scenes Siffrin was supposed to have so that they could still participate. So their bitterness and the understudy now playing Siffrin's feelings of inadequacy are totally real, and just adds to their "performance" and makes everyone think they are "just really good at method acting."

The Isabeau and Siffrin actors are pining madly for each other, but don't dare try and act on it "for the sake of professionality" and also because of the aforementioned "they're just really good at method acting!" issue.

Speaking of Isabeau, this is his first big break as an actor--previously he worked in the costuming department.

The actor playing Mirabelle is the daughter of a famous movie star, and worries about living up to her mother's fame/that she only got the role due to some sort of nepotism deal, especially since her mom is doing a small cameo as Euphrasie.

The actor playing Odile originally thought she was auditioning for a role in an improv comedy performance since she is still learning the local language and got the street address mixed up with a completely different theater.

As a slight irony, the character playing Bonnie is actually allergic to pineapple while it the favorite food of both the Loop and Siffrin actors. Obviously, they only use fake pineapple slices during the show itself.

The entire cast of Dormont is just played by, like, three people who are just really good at quick changes.

The guy playing the king was literally just picked because he had the most fabulous hair out of all the people who came to audition. Even though in actuality he is in the same boat as Odile and, in fact, the two are a foreign comedy duo. He usually plays the straight man.

[stoat-party]

Evaluating Which Details Pose Continuity Issues (yeah, it’s long, sorry)

I’m being relentlessly annoyed by (some) people mad at the show and by (some) people mad at people mad at the show, so let’s clear up where the issues are and aren’t so we’re not just talking over each other here.

Destroying the Strip

Obviously not a retcon. Retcons refer to previously-established events. Some people might have their own problems with it (I definitely saw it cited as evidence of a coordinated attack on New Vegas), but it presents no continuity problems.

2. What exactly is a vial?

I don’t think this changed ghoul lore. They can still go 200+ years without turning, or they can start turning as soon as they get ghoulified. There’s just a new plot element where they can stave off the effects of going feral for awhile if they take this mysterious drug - without the drug, the rules are still the same. The story was NOT clear on this, and it confused me, but if ghouls need drugs to stay sane, Oswald, Dean, Billy, etc. could not exist even if there’s a massive industry in vials of goop that’s never been mentioned before.

3. It took Vault-Tec decades to build all the vaults.

This is something I worried about because there couldn’t have been much time between the boardroom scene and the bombs falling (Janey doesn't age). But I think it makes sense if you assume the vaults were already built and they filled them with experiments afterward. It does leave the problem that some vaults were unfinished but Vault-Tec also dropped the bombs - why would they do that before finishing their vaults? It’s possible that they planned to drop them but got beat to the punch, or any number of other explanations. Clear retcon but not a huge plot hole.

4. House is worse than Caesar all of a sudden?

This one’s a private gripe of mine because House and Sinclair were not originally written to be Actual Sadists Who Hate Humanity. There’s also House’s mastermind prepper attitude toward the apocalypse, which doesn’t indicate that he had a hand in orchestrating it. While the change doesn’t conflict with the text as far as I know, it really changes the flavor of the game, but not as much as:

5. The Fall of Shady Sands

Let’s say that this happened after the first battle of Hoover Dam, so no continuity issues with their ability to win that. (That’s probably why they set it in 2277, so the NCR would have almost four years to recover before NV. As if Caesar wouldn’t have taken half of their land by then, even with his armies crushed, but ok fine he’s going through a divorce, he’s busy right now.)

But are you telling me that a country can lose a massive city containing much of its infrastructure, most of its central government, and ~5% of its population and still be trying to manifest destiny four years later with no mention of it?

Losing the Divide as a travel route almost crippled the NCR in the Mojave for awhile. Now, not only have they lost the Divide and their capital city, but one of their other biggest cities, the Boneyard, is abandoned and inhabited by an apparently-unaffiliated town. (Yeah, Los Angeles is big, but we don’t see any NCR or Followers despite three main characters traveling through it.) Even if there were still people there during New Vegas, how is the NCR still conducting a campaign in the east?

Also, who is Muldover and what’s her position? Why does she have raiders at her disposal? Is that really supposed to be what remains of the government? I get that some of this will be resolved later, but short of complete societal collapse, there’s no explanation.

We don’t see any of this in New Vegas. The president (who was in office in 2277) is still alive. No one mentions losing family in the explosion. Caesar, Ulysses, and House, along with the many other characters who complain about the NCR’s weakness and instability, don’t bring it up. People even mention the politicians in Shady Sands specifically. PEOPLE ARE MAKING JOKES ABOUT WANTING A NUCLEAR WINTER-

Now there’s a saving interpretation going around that “the fall of Shady Sands - 2277” refers to a metaphorical fall, and the explosion was later. I’ll accept this if I have to, but don’t pretend it’s not a strained reading. Every entry on the board is dated. Why would you date an amorphous event and not date the city exploding?

The explosion was nineteen years ago, and it had to be that early because Lucy and Norm don’t remember living there. (Not clear how old they are but probably in their early-mid 20’s.) The earliest you could place the event without it making no sense is late 2282, because with the time skips in DLC, the events of New Vegas are about a year long. Maybe you could put a gap between Lucy returning to the vault and the actual destruction, but not a five-year one. And if it was in 2282, Max would still be a teenager.

There are legitimate concerns here. Between House and the NCR, the show changes a lot about the main conflict of New Vegas. It’s not just side details.

Not telling you how to feel! Just don’t pretend nothing poses any problems and people are crazy for being concerned. I think the vibe right now is to dismiss me as a hater, but I hope you can see I’ve tried to make it all work. Continuity is really important in a multi-decade story, especially to writers.

I will be appeased by a respectful and thought-out New Vegas remake that preserves as much of the original continuity as possible and is also really good and costs $4. Thanks in advance Bethesda.

Edit:

6. Tatoes in the vaults

TATOES IN THE VAULTSSSS? THIS IS MASSIVE DISRESPECT TO THE LORE. EVERYTHING WE KNOW IS DESTROYED. UNFORGIVABLE.

(but yeah there shouldn’t be tatoes in a vault that hasn’t opened)(maybe norm and lucy had seeds in their pockets when they came back, sure)

[sayfin]

An Analysis on the Season 2 Trailer on Arcane (The part that caught my eye)

(marked where I stop yapping and actually start theorizing)

I recently watched the season 2 trailer of Arcane and was absolutely mesmerized by the visuals and upcoming plot developments that hints have been dropped on. Lots of things caught my attention for a while, but the one thing that I cannot get stuck out of my head for the life of me is this:

-Who is this character??

-What do they have to do with the plot?

-How awesome is this design I mean seriously

My first thoughts when I saw this character is that they could be another new character being introduced in Season 2, like Warwick. This would make sense as a plot device, complicating the story further and adding more tension with more characters. Reasonably, they would also have something to do with one of three things- Hex tech, the (true) Arcane, or Shimmer. Otherwise, we haven’t seen any sort of world building that would showcase such a mystical being or species. Realistically, this being is either otherworldly or unnatural.

My thoughts after this were considring whether or not this character would be an ally to the main group of protagonists. (Jayce, Vi, Etc. Our stereotypical “good guys.” ) (If it interests me I may do an analysis on which characters I think survived the explosion.) -Any otherworldly tech or otherwise that has been shown on Arcane has either been created with malicious intent or turned to be used for malicious purposes. (Eg; shimmer, hextech war hammer, Arcane genocide.) This would point to this character being malicious, or at the very least a neutral party, similar to the firelights.

My focus was then turned to the creators, intentions and effects of each otherworldly material. The Arcane did not have much to bring me on this front besides the obvious information, and Shimmer has demonstrated it’s effects thoroughly and is a nearly confirmed tied up plot point, considering the production of shimmer is allegedly being stopped. This leaves only Hextech, or rather the Hexcore, which is what caught my attention at this point.

The Hex Core is a relatively transparent device, completely demonstrating in the show that over time it has been slowly corrupted and causes deep corruption, to the point of resistance to its handler. This is what leads me to believe that this is actually Viktor, gone through some sick character corruption.

-Reasoning

-Viktor is the main handler of the Hex core, and is the one who has corrupted it, and himself, using it. The effects on his body are dark purple, and like the figure in the trailer, periodically emit wispy strands from the affected areas. Viktor is also the only character we witness willingly performing these large-scale transformations on his body.

-Viktor could not be reasonably and effectively killed in the finale of Season 1 given his unfinished arc and previously expected ‘final form’ in the LoL game. His arc was not finished, and other scenes in the trailer are all signs of Viktor still being alive.

-This ‘final form’ that Viktor has, as interesting as it is, does not make very much sense to me. Despite the foreshadowing considering the hex claw, a true final form including an arcane corruption would make more sense. The inclusion of the hex claw could have been for multiple reasons. It could have been excellent foreshadowing, or It could be a nod to the original design and the LoL game. I’m not sure.

-It was Viktor’s intention from the beginning to use the hex core and shimmer to extend his own life, for reasons both selfish and selfless. This is a plausible arc that Viktor could go through considering the body modifications he’s already performed on himself.

-The actual proof that makes me think I have a shot at being correct

After thinking about my analysis, I decided to take a closer look at the silhouette figure, comparing it to Viktor’s face.

-Look how similar they are !!!

The eye shape, facial planes, jawbone structure and proportions are quite similar to each character, past the point of coincidence. The only visible features that I can point out a difference in is the shape of the ears and lack of hair. Even then, there are not many characters with a frame such as Viktor’s except for this one.

In conclusion, I think that Viktor is going to become a force of nature in Season 2. My hopes are that he will retain his sanity/humanity, and I’m not sure if I’ll be happy or disturbed if my theory turns out to be correct.

I had a lot of fun writing this theory and I can’t wait for season 2 next month I hope my theory is correct !! Maybe I’ll do another theory off of the trailers if this post gets more than like 5 notes lolz I wanna hear people’s thoughts

#Lolz this was a really long first post

[shiki-aki]

“You told me to go wherever I like, but I want to be with you until the end.”

A Shikiaki Meta

Part Three: Shiki and Akira’s Encounters (II)

“Don’t ever show me fear again.”

[Previous] Part Two: Shiki and Akira's Encounters (I)

I ended up having to split this part as well because there were too many images from the manga I wanted to include. I originally wasn't going to include much content from the manga unless it was a manga-exclusive Shikiaki scene, because my thought process was that since the manga basically copies the scenes/dialogue from the visual novel, I might as well just analyze the original source, especially since the visual novel has more text and the narrative isn't a clusterfuck of all five routes shoved into one storyline.

My intention was to place more focus on the visual novel because it's the one that most closely aligns with the author's vision considering Fuchii Kabura herself wrote it, but I decided to include some scenes from the manga as well because I realize they actually just reinforce my interpretation of Shiki and Akira's dynamic in the game, lol. And I won't deny that the Shikiaki scenes in the manga do color my interpretation of these characters, mostly with Akira's nihilistic attitude and Shiki's strong sense of purpose. Shiki's characterization is different in the manga in that he doesn't toy with Akira as much and is more focused on his goal of finding Nano, but that goal-oriented side of him is still present in the game.

Onto the actual meta.

For the next Shikiaki scene I want to analyze, I'm actually going to start off by exploring a monologue from Shiki's drama CD:

Shiki: But, the power obtained by relying on those degenerate drugs is but a facade. Those foolish people who at first strongly believed in their strength and bore their fangs, at the end shifted their gaze and shamelessly begged to be let off, or were unable to stand the fear and died with a howl like that of a monster. There are only these two types in this city, just cowardly losers. That's what I thought, until I saw that pair of eyes. Akira: I don't remember you being allowed to command me! Shiki: The flawless pupils as if they were burning, accepting and returning my stare, glaring at me like he'll never surrender. If he doesn't know anything, I can simply kill him and seal his lips. But, those eyes…

Shiki does some monologuing about how the people who rely on Rein are weak, and that there are only “two types [of people] in this city”: those who beg to be spared when faced with the prospect of death, and those who scream and run away in fear during their last moments. Regardless of which category they fall in, Shiki perceives both types of these people to be cowardly and weak, and makes a generalizing statement that these are the only types of people that exist in Toshima.

But then he meets Akira.

Shiki thinks about Akira’s eyes and the defiance he saw in them. This relates back to the motif of eyes that I brought up in the previous part of the meta, about how each time they think about each other’s eyes, it’s supposed to represent them acknowledging the defining traits that the other has. Shiki’s monologue tells us that the reason why he didn't kill Akira is because Akira doesn’t fall into either of the two categories of “cowardly losers.” Akira didn’t beg to be spared, and he didn’t try to run away from Shiki. Instead he looked Shiki in the eyes and directly opposed him.

Finally, the way his monologue trails off (“But those eyes…”) adds a perfect touch of subtlety and ambiguity to Shiki’s character. The thought is left unfinished, but we know based on the hesitation in Shiki's words and his reluctance to kill Akira that Akira left more of an impression on him than he realized.

And now I’m going to shift to the manga version of the same scene. This scene isn’t present in the game since it takes place from Shiki’s POV and the game tells the story from Akira’s POV, but it is included in the manga.

(Note: the manga scenes of Shiki’s route don’t occur in the same order as they do in the visual novel/drama CD. Most of the dialogue from the game takes place after Shiki kidnaps Akira in the manga, whereas in the game, the dialogue takes place before the kidnapping. I’m just putting this note here to provide context for why the manga scenes seem out of order when placed side-by-side with the visual novel/drama CD, but it doesn’t change how I interpret these scenes or my analysis of them.)

Love this moment of their gazes and faces mirroring each other in these very deliberately set up panels. Again, the manga has a lot of these silent, intense moments where Shiki and Akira look into each other’s eyes, and we know based on the in-game text that they’re acknowledging each other’s traits whenever this happens. What I love even more about these two specific panels, however, is the complete absence of text, whether it be dialogue or inner narration. Sometimes it’s best to just leave things ambiguous and let the visuals speak for themselves to convey chemistry and tension (or even intimacy), and honestly the Shikiaki scenes in the manga do an incredible job of relying on subtext to get their characterizations/dynamic across.

Akira asks why Shiki kills Igra participants even though Shiki himself doesn’t seem to care about collecting tags, to which Shiki replies that he only kills those who are weak. He tells Akira his philosophy, which is that “the strong kill the weak,” and that’s all that matters to Shiki because he categorizes people based on their strength.

Shiki says all of this, yet his dialogue about killing the weak is followed by this singular line in his internal dialogue as he gazes into Akira’s eyes: “Killing those eyes would be impure.” What he's really saying here is that it would be wrong of him to kill Akira (“those eyes”) because it would mean going against his own philosophy. Shiki himself proclaims that he only kills the weak, but during this moment, he acknowledges the way Akira is glaring at him head-on, and he doesn't perceive Akira's defiance as weakness. That's why he lets Akira live.

Shiki starts manhandling Akira and doing his usual stuff. He taunts Akira to fight back because he wants to see more of Akira’s resilience. Again, Akira’s resilience is the whole reason why Shiki’s even letting Akira live, because he recognizes, either subconsciously or consciously, how Akira's defiance is a form of strength in its own right.

Akira spits in Shiki’s face and Shiki commends him for it. Then Shiki comments on Akira’s “audacious eyes." It’s a stylistic word choice because the writing is intentionally drawing on the motif of eyes between Shiki and Akira. We already have visual demonstrations of this motif, as evidenced by the numerous panels of Shiki and Akira blatantly eye fucking each other throughout the manga, but now it leans into the textual side of it too as we're offered a look into Shiki's POV and see his growing obsession with Akira's eyes. And just to reiterate, the mention of Akira’s eyes is meant to reinforce a character trait about him—in this case, his defiant nature.

(And I know that this is a fan translation for the manga and not an official one, so if you really want to, you can take everything I’m saying here with a grain of salt because I don’t have the raws to confirm what Shiki actually says in this line. But based on how the fan translation seems to focus on providing a more literal translation than a natural one, I’m going to assume that Shiki does indeed talk about Akira’s eyes in this line. I’m just saying all this stuff to cover my bases lol.

Edit: Someone shared the raws with me for this page and confirmed that Shiki says 「その生意気な目がいつまで続くか......試してやる」. So he does indeed mention Akira's "audacious eyes" in this line, meaning the fan translation is accurate.)

Akira’s dialogue here is pretty ambiguous in that his sentence is cut off so we can’t tell what he actually meant to ask Shiki. But by using context clues, we can assume that this is what he wanted to ask Shiki: “If killing is such a good thing, why are you keeping me alive?”

The reason Akira is confused is because Shiki just went on a tangent about killing the weak and executing the losers in response to Akira’s question about why he kills Igra participants, but this seemingly contradicts with Shiki’s decision to keep Akira alive. As a reminder, this scene in the manga takes place after Akira gets kidnapped and brought back to Shiki’s apartment.

Shiki defaults to the typical "I am your owner" line, which makes us think that he kidnapped Akira and is keeping him alive because he views Akira as a mere plaything and intends to amuse himself by raping and abusing Akira. Which, I’m not denying any of the heinous shit that Shiki does to Akira in his route. But there’s more nuance to Shiki’s motivations than that.

What Shiki says and what he really thinks are two different things. Shiki has a bad habit of defaulting to saying possessive phrases like, “You’re mine” whenever he doesn’t actually want to express how he feels about Akira (most evident in the tunnel scene, but we’ll get to that way later). We already know that Shiki isn’t the type to outwardly express his emotions, but there’s no reason for Shiki to lie in his own thoughts to himself. I don’t see anything in these pages that would hint to Shiki being an unreliable narrator in his own POV, so we can assume that whatever thoughts he has about Akira here represent his true feelings.

And his true feelings are more complicated than just “I am your owner.”

Cue panel that features a close-up of Akira’s eye, followed by Shiki’s internal dialogue of, “His eyes. Pure, lively eyes. If he doesn’t know anything, it would be best to seal his mouth. But…”

What's really great about this whole scene, from Akira’s questions about Shiki's motivations to Shiki’s inner thoughts, is how subtly it points out the contradiction between Shiki's mindset and his actions, and how we're supposed to interpret Shiki's contradictory behavior as a sign that he has some pretty complicated and obsessive feelings toward Akira. I love it when characters exhibit little contradictions like this—contradictions that still fit within the framework of their characterizations when you think about it—because it adds depth to their characters. It shows that they're not flat and completely static, shallow characters who always act or feel or even think a certain way.

In this case, the contradiction between Shiki's words ("I only execute the losers") and his actions (keeping Akira alive as his pet) shows how affected Shiki is by Akira, because he’s never met someone like Akira. Certainly, Shiki’s behavior is unprecedented in that he’s letting Akira live and holding him captive when normally, he would kill his prey. Shiki himself tries to rationalize his decision to keep Akira alive by telling himself that it’s because it would be “impure” to kill those “pure, lively eyes,” the kind of eyes that “glare at you, unyielding.”

At this point it’s not even subtext lol. Shiki is obsessed with the way Akira meets his gaze head-on instead of looking away out of fear, because Shiki himself felt humiliated when he experienced fear and weakness for the first time. He acknowledges and subconsciously respects Akira for his fearlessness, and that's why he wants to keep Akira alive—because he sees worth in Akira's existence, even if Akira himself doesn't. And considering how Shiki kills people just for being weak, the fact that he forces Akira to live when Akira is at the lowest point in his life and has lost the will to live, is proof of how much he values Akira's existence, albeit in his own twisted way.

In this town there are only these two kinds of people. That’s what I believed.

That’s what he believed until he saw Akira’s eyes.

This is pretty much a word for word monologue of the one from Shiki’s drama CD that I analyzed earlier, so I’m not going to repeat my analysis here. I included these manga pages to show how they back up my interpretation of the Shikiaki dynamic, especially when it comes to Shiki’s side of things.

Now we get to the actual scene in the game where Shiki and Akira meet again.

Shiki’s eyes are mentioned three times in this one segment alone, four if you want to count “dispassionate gaze.” The writing is not being subtle about it at all. There’s so much emphasis on Akira gauging Shiki’s behavior just by looking him in the eyes, and I love every bit of it. Akira is able to feel Shiki's commanding presence and get a sense of his intentions just by meeting his gaze.

One thing that Shikiaki gets so right for me is the whole "gazing intently into each other’s eyes without saying anything" trope. You can feel the tension between Shiki and Akira whenever this happens. It's well-executed in the game, but it's done even better in the manga since you can actually see the visuals of Shiki and Akira gazing into each other's eyes, and it's just as intense, if not more.

The text makes a point of mentioning Akira's fear as well, which if you remember, was also explicitly brought up during their previous encounter in the game. Akira wants to escape, but something about Shiki's gaze makes him stay put.

—Those red eyes held him rooted to the spot, as if their sharp light were a wordless command that could not be disobeyed.

Their dynamic is already starting to lean into dom/sub vibes here. Honestly, I was planning to save the dom/sub analysis of their relationship for when we get to the sex scenes in Shiki's route, but it seems like a wasted opportunity to not touch upon it at least a little in this scene, so here we go.

Akira has an inclination to act defiant in front of Shiki, as we've seen several times already so far, but he also has a repressed submissive side to him that acts as a complement to Shiki's dom personality. His submissive side gets revealed when Shiki forcibly draws it out of him later on in the route, but for now, we get these little hints in their interactions instead.

Now, I don't think Akira is submissive in the sense that it's an intrinsic part of his character, but it's definitely a trait that's exacerbated when he's with Shiki because Shiki is just so dominant and aggressive. What I mean by this is that Akira's submission makes sense within the context of Shiki's route and their dynamic, but I wouldn't really expect to see it outside of Shiki's route. The submission aspect plays into the whole "obeying my will and mine alone" theme that's explored for Akira in Shiki's route, which is why I don't find it inconsistent with the rest of Akira's characterization, because the internal struggle he faces between being submissive and being willful relates to his character development.

I also think Akira has some masochistic tendencies in him that partially explain his submissive side. We're told at the beginning of the game and throughout the common route that he feels numb during fights and wants to face people who are stronger, who can make him struggle and feel the thrill of fighting again. And I've already shown in the first part of the meta how the text specifically goes out of its way to state that Akira feels excitement at the prospect of possibly getting killed in Igra, which doesn't seem like a reasonable response to have if you weren't at least a little masochistic. Of course, being masochistic in fights and being masochistic in bed are different territories, but Shiki's route specifically explores the blurring of these lines, especially as their dynamic shifts from being physically violent to sexually violent in nature after the kidnapping.

Back to the current scene.

Shiki starts getting in Akira's space and acting all pushy. You know, just Shiki doing Shiki things. Then they have a moment where they lock eyes.

From Akira's POV, this is what he thinks about Shiki's eyes:

There were those eyes again, like two sharp knives. [...] His eyes were cold enough to freeze blood.

And this is what Shiki thinks about Akira's eyes (from the drama CD):

Shiki: [Narration] As expected, his body has become stiff, but even then he is determined not to shift his stare. Those eyes as if they were challenging me, somehow got on my nerves. [End narration]

While Akira recognizes Shiki's domineering disposition during this exchange, Shiki recognizes Akira's determination and obstinacy. Again, they're able to interpret each other's behaviors and intentions just by gazing into each other's eyes, which, to me, is where their chemistry is most explicitly shown in the text. Would they be able to instinctively read each other's gazes like this if they were really as fundamentally incompatible as we're led to believe at first?

Going back to the text, Shiki calls Akira an imbecile, and Akira wonders why Shiki doesn't just kill him already if he's apparently that much of an eyesore. But we know from Shiki's POV that he doesn't want to kill Akira because he's actually intrigued by Akira's defiance and courage, and he provokes Akira because he wants to see how Akira would react when pushed around. Basically Shiki is very interested in the way Akira's mind works, and it ties back to Shiki's own struggle and feelings of powerlessness and desperation against Nano.

Akira tells Shiki off despite being well aware of how reckless and suicidal this action is, but he does it because he despises submission more than he fears death. It's the same as with their previous encounter when Akira taunted Shiki to kill him because "better that than beg." Akira is again prioritizing his pride over his life because he doesn't care much about living in the first place (or so he believes).

Shiki then grabs Akira's arm and drags Akira out to a clearing.

This scene. I'll admit, I had a hard time understanding this scene in my first few playthroughs of Shiki's route, but I think I have a good enough grasp on the Shikiaki dynamic now to understand what this scene is trying to convey. At first glance, it looks like this scene is just here to depict the power imbalance between them and show how antagonistic their relationship is becoming, but it also reveals a lot about Shiki's and Akira's characterizations, and we even get a glimpse of character development for Akira.

Shiki asks if Akira’s afraid of death and then tells him to fight back, which is probably the most overt example we've seen so far of Shiki's desire to see Akira struggle. I've been relying a lot on subtext to justify my interpretation of Shiki's character, especially when it comes to the whole Nano parallel, but here the text is very explicit about Shiki's expectations of Akira.

Shiki tells Akira outright to put up a fight against him. He specifically brings up Akira's fear of death because Shiki himself felt fear when he encountered Nano for the first time and realized his own mortality and fragility as a human. By pointing his sword at Akira's throat, he forces Akira into a position where Akira is powerless and has to confront his own fear of death the same way Shiki did. Shiki isn't just doing this because he wants to feel superior to Akira; he's doing this because he sees himself in Akira, and watching Akira persevere against him makes Shiki feel like he can also persevere against Nano.

On Akira's end, he is, understandably, very confused by Shiki's behavior. It's like Shiki is sending him mixed signals. First Shiki acts like he's pissed off at Akira for disobeying him, and now Shiki says he wants Akira to rebel against him. But I think Shiki's mixed signals are more indicative of his own emotional conflict toward Akira and how he doesn't know how he should perceive Akira, which is why he wants to see what Akira would do in this life-or-death situation. He wants to see if Akira will end up being like those other cowards who beg for their lives when faced with death, or if Akira will still preserve a sense of dignity and fight back despite knowing that he might die if he does.

Akira, of course, responds in the only way he knows how: by acting stubborn and prideful. He doesn't want to obey Shiki's demands, so he says, “…I’d rather bite my own tongue off than let you kill me.” It’s a parallel to the “You might as well kill me” line from their previous encounter. In both cases, Akira is trying to maintain agency by not submitting to Shiki and instead deciding his own fate. It doesn’t matter if he dies as long as he’s the one calling the shots.

So what does Shiki do? He calls Akira’s bluff and tells him to end his own life then if he would really rather commit suicide than let Shiki deliver the fatal blow.

I love this interaction because they are both just so incredibly stubborn and determined to have their own way. I think it’s ironic how their relationship becomes so antagonistic—not because they are fundamentally different from each other and can’t get along—but because they’re actually so similar in terms of characterization that they would never submit to each other. (But they do end up getting along by the end of Shiki's route because they realize how much they respect each other's determination).

I’m going to cut away to the drama CD for a moment because it gives us a glimpse into Shiki’s headspace during this scene:

[Narration] Even with the knife pointed at his throat, he still resists me. Unlike the despair of people about to die, those blazing eyes. [End narration] Shiki: Then, how about using this blade to cut your throat right now? Just press down to it and it'll end, really simple. I won't do anything. [Narration] I wasn't expecting anything. I just wanted to know. When faced with a situation in which he's sure to die, what would he choose? [End narration]

Even during this tense moment, or rather, it’s because it’s a tense moment, Shiki is thinking about Akira’s eyes. Akira doesn't have the eyes of someone who looks like they're about to give up, and the monologue reveals to us that Shiki is doing this because he's intrigued by Akira's unyielding attitude and wants to see more of it. Akira keeps trying to resist him even though it could very well cost him his life, but it's precisely that irrationality that makes Shiki drawn to him. Shiki keeps pushing Akira because he wants to see if Akira has a limit where he'll crumble—if such a limit even exists—and Akira's refusal to give up is also something that speaks to Shiki, because Shiki has his own demon to deal with in the form of Nano.

Now we return to Akira’s POV. While Akira is hesitating on committing suicide, he tries to understand what’s going on in Shiki’s head:

There’s so much going on here, but let’s break it down line by line.

What was the point of this? What did Shiki hope to gain?

We know from Shiki's POV that he wants to see what Akira would do when backed into a corner like this where he's sure to die if he keeps acting reckless. Shiki finds Akira interesting because Akira doesn't value his own life and would even readily throw it away just to defy Shiki. His suicidal behavior is completely irrational if you think about it, and even Shiki can't comprehend it, which is why he wants to see what Akira would do when forced to confront death with no way out.

But within the framework of Akira's characterization, his suicidal behavior makes perfect sense. He's willing to throw away his life because he's a nihilist who doesn't think there's any meaning to life (or death) and exists in a state of living just because. Those other Igra fighters who beg for their lives or run away from Shiki do so because they value their lives and want to live. Akira doesn't value his own life, which is why he's able to keep resisting Shiki even when Shiki threatens to kill him.

Could it be some kind of test?

Yes, it's a test. Shiki doesn't actually have any intention of killing Akira, but instead he wants to see how Akira would respond in this situation.

A test of what? His will to live?

Akira has a moment of self-awareness and realizes the concept of even having a will to live. Remember, in the opening narration of his POV, Akira couldn't find any reason to live, and the only reason he was still alive is because he also couldn't find any reason to die. At the start of the game, Akira didn't have a will to live. There was nothing in life he cherished, nothing he wanted to strive toward, and he couldn't find any meaning or purpose in his existence. Even fighting didn't make him feel fulfilled in life.

But now Akira realizes he might actually have a will to live, and it's because Shiki is making him confront the inevitability of his own death. Akira's nihilistic mindset starts to crack as he realizes he might not be so apathetic toward dying after all.

Or did Shiki merely enjoy watching his prey struggle in the face of death?

Akira finds Shiki's behavior incomprehensible the same way Shiki finds Akira's behavior incomprehensible. On Shiki's end, he doesn’t understand why Akira acts so suicidal and fearless. On Akira's end, he doesn't understand why Shiki wants to see him struggle instead of killing him outright. They both make each other act in a way they normally wouldn't (Shiki wouldn't normally let his prey live, and Akira normally wouldn't act so self-willed), but that just shows how much they're affecting each other.

Struggle in the face of death…

This line repeats the last few words from the previous line for added emphasis. The theme of struggling in the face of death is one that's been explored and touched upon throughout the common route (especially with Akira’s desire/anticipation in facing death), and we finally see it culminate in this moment where Akira is forced to make a choice between ending his own life or letting Shiki kill him.

Was Akira… frightened?

Akira ponders if he's afraid of death. I feel like this is such a huge moment and a turning point for his character, because remember, at the start of the game, Akira didn't care about living or dying, and he couldn't differentiate between the two. He couldn't imagine what it would be like to struggle to live, nor what it would be like to live with a sense of purpose. It's only now that he starts to realize what it means to live—or die.

For a guy who doesn't care about the difference between life and death, and thinks that death is just "the cessation of function"—and that if he were to die in his sleep one day, he wouldn't even care—he's awfully picky about the way he wants to die. I'm making these references to the opening scene of Akira's POV to show the subtle shift in his mindset. Akira still doesn't know how to feel about death or whether he’s even afraid of it, but he knows, at the very least, that he wants to be the one to decide the circumstances of his own death.

Dying by Shiki's hand or biting his own tongue off or slitting his throat—what does it matter which way he dies when it leads to the same outcome in the end ("The heart stops, the lungs stop, the brain stops")? But it does matter to Akira now, because if he's going to die, he at least wants it to be by his own will and not someone else's.

For the first time in his life, Akira understands the consequences and significance of dying. If he dies, then he won't be able to find Keisuke and reconcile with him. If he dies, then that means he's submitting to Shiki's will. It's not just "the cessation of function" anymore. There are other meanings attached to death now. Not only that, he has a reason/purpose/goal for staying alive now—two of them, at least. I’m focusing on the point that Akira has two reasons for living at the moment because it’s going to come into play when we get to the conflict with Keisuke right before the kidnapping scene.

We went from this:

and this:

to this:

"Resolve" is such a fascinating word choice. I love its usage and implication here. At the start of the game, Akira had no goals or aspirations and didn't see any reason to strive for more in his life.

But now Akira has a resolve. A reason to live, even if it's for the sake of something petty like resisting Shiki. And the more he develops a resolve to live, the less nihilistic he becomes.

None of this is hidden in the subtext by the way; the game itself explicitly brings up the notion of a "will to live" in Akira's POV, so this is all a very deliberate and intended connection to Akira's nihilism. Akira’s resolve to resist Shiki and not submit to him overpowers whatever apathy he has toward life and death, and it’s this resolve that makes Akira cling to life during this moment instead of accepting his apparent fate.

Akira chooses to take the third option and fight back instead of letting Shiki kill him or making the decision to kill himself on Shiki's sword. In a surprising turn of events, Akira lives past the parry, but he gets pissed off when he realizes it's because Shiki chose to spare him, not because Akira's attack was actually strong or fast enough to stop Shiki from killing him. This hits a sore spot for Akira, because it shows that his life is still in the palm of Shiki's hand and he doesn't actually have the agency to decide his own fate or death.

Shiki asks Akira if he's "really that stupid" because what Akira did just now was incredibly reckless and devoid of all common sense or sense of self-preservation. But again, it’s because Akira has lived without purpose his whole life that he doesn’t really fear death or have a desperate desire to live, which is why he can act so reckless and suicidal. This is the first moment where Akira even recognizes that he has a will to live upon deep contemplation.

I want to point out that while Akira might instinctively run from danger/fight for his life in Igra battles (thus indicating that he does indeed have an inclination to live), the circumstances aren't the same here. Shiki isn't actively endangering Akira's life during this moment. He straight up tells Akira that he's not going to move a muscle, and that whatever happens to Akira will be of Akira's own volition. This puts Akira in a spot where he actually has to contemplate whether he wants to live or not, and if he truly doesn't have a will to live, then he should have no problem slitting his throat on Shiki's sword.

Akira eventually comes to the conclusion that while he might not have a strong desire to live, he does, at least, have a strong desire to disobey Shiki. Akira wants to live, but it’s not because he fears death, which I feel is an important distinction to make. He wants to live because the other alternative (dying) would mean submitting to Shiki, since Shiki’s the whole reason why he’s in this life-or-death situation in the first place.

There’s a lot of power play going on here but hopefully I’ve managed to explain the intricacies of their dynamic during this scene.

Now, if Shiki actually had any intention of killing Akira, even the slightest bit, Akira would've been dead here. Shiki thinks it's foolish of Akira to act so stubborn and suicidal for the sake of his pride, but he also can't help but find that part of him intriguing, which is why he lets Akira live in the first place.

Shiki's next words are: "You're weak. You have nothing. You'll never win." To me, this sounds more like Shiki projecting his own insecurities onto Akira, especially since we know from Akira's POV that Akira doesn't care about being weak or losing; he just doesn't want to submit to Shiki. Besides, if Shiki really felt that Akira was worthless, he would've killed him by now. (And honestly Shiki's talking shit just to talk shit and give Akira some more fuel for his anger.)

Akira knew exactly what Shiki meant. He wasn’t even worth killing. Something inside him snapped.

The way Shiki doesn't even bother to finish Akira off is such a devastating blow to his pride, and Akira thinks that Shiki is looking down on him (although, unbeknownst to him, Shiki is actually letting him live because he acknowledges Akira’s spirit and resistance). Regardless, Akira is so humiliated, frustrated, and confused that he just wants to lash out against Shiki. He throws his knife away before attacking Shiki—another reckless and seemingly suicidal act, but again, it just shows how much Akira values his pride and dignity over his life.

Shiki spares Akira, and then leaves him with these words: "Don't ever show me fear again."

Hopefully I’ve explained enough about Shiki’s character at this point to make it clear that he has a huge, huge complex about fear. He looks down on those who succumb to fear because he thinks it’s a display of weakness, but he also hates that he’s vulnerable to feeling fear himself.

Here Shiki specifically tells Akira not to show him fear again because he acknowledges Akira’s fearlessness. Remember Shiki’s words when he had his sword pointed at Akira’s throat? “Or are you afraid of death? Then fight back, in whatever pitiful way you can.” He was testing to see if Akira would be able to overcome his fear (of death, of Shiki)—and Akira passed that test with flying colors.

And again, it's not that Akira doesn't experience fear, but that he's still able to fight back in spite of it. That's what Shiki is acknowledging. His warning to Akira to "never show him fear again" is basically him encouraging Akira to keep up that fearless and defiant side of him, because he likes that Akira doesn't succumb to fear.

(And then my Shikiaki heart explodes because I think there's something strangely romantic about the way Shiki unconditionally accepts Akira's traits and likes him for who he is, flaws and all. Shiki's route in particular focuses on building upon Akira's pre-existing traits and developing his character through that.)

Akira is left with confusion, not just at Shiki’s behavior, but his own. He has the self-awareness to realize that he acted in a way he normally wouldn’t.

It was the first time he’d ever been so angry, and his inability to control himself was every bit as frustrating as Shiki’s bizarre behavior.

This emotional reaction is completely unprecedented for Akira, who is normally so calm and composed during fights. But the fact that Akira is behaving irrationally here is just proof of how much Shiki is affecting him. Like the game characterizes Akira as this incredibly stoic, apathetic, untouchable, and emotionally closed off dude, and then you see him losing his shit with Shiki because Shiki is just able to get under his skin so easily and pull a reaction out of him. To me, that just shows that Shiki and Akira actually do have chemistry, because they’re able to make each other experience emotions on such a visceral level.

You know the saying, "the opposite of love isn't hate, it's apathy"? Yeah that's basically what's going on here. Shiki and Akira's whole dynamic at this point in the route revolves around them having these extremely intense, negative feelings toward each other, but the important point is that these feelings are intense. And their feelings only get more messy and complicated once they start having sex and seeing the more vulnerable sides of each other.

But even once their feelings shift away from animosity, the intensity is still there; their emotions just lean into something more ambiguous. (I say ambiguous because textually, the game never defines what those feelings are, but subtextually, it’s pretty obvious that those feelings are romantic in nature.)

Now, even though Akira realizes that this impulsive reaction was atypical of him, I don’t think this was a case of OOC-ness. First of all, the text itself goes out of its way to point out to the reader that Akira’s decision to cast away his knife and charge at Shiki without a weapon was unlike him, so it’s pretty obvious this isn’t a case of unintentional OOC writing, and it isn’t an oversight on the writer’s part. We are supposed to understand that Akira’s irrational behavior here is a sign of how much Shiki is affecting him, getting on his nerves, and making him experience emotions on a level that he’s never experienced before. It’s a moment of character progression if anything.

Second of all, we’ve already been shown at the beginning of the game how Akira has a general dislike toward authority figures. He’s disillusioned with the CFC government and all the corruption in it, he acts rebellious when dealing with the police and their injustice, and he even gives Emma and Gwen a bit of attitude during the visitation scene. And now you have Shiki, quite possibly the biggest bastard (I say this lovingly) when it comes to being domineering and controlling. Not only that, but while Akira looks down on the police and doesn't see them as much of a threat even when he was detained (you can tell based on the way he describes the officers/detective in his POV with an air of indifference), with Shiki, Akira begrudgingly acknowledges Shiki's strength and knows that Shiki outclasses him in pretty much every way.

This feeling of inferiority contributes to Akira's frustration, and when you pair that with Shiki's domineering attitude and the fact that Akira hates being subjugated, well, it makes a lot of sense why even someone as normally reserved as Akira would lash out as aggressively as he did. And this is after being dragged and pushed around by Shiki, having to deal with Shiki's shenanigans, being forced to confront his own nihilistic beliefs, and having his pride and dignity stomped to the ground. It makes sense that Akira's emotions and composure would go haywire after all that.

My point is: Akira's characterization is still consistent and in line with the traits we've seen from him since the start of the game.

Now, do I think there could have been more buildup and development prior to this scene and Akira's loss of temper? Yes. The biggest issues with Shiki’s route are the pacing and the lack of screen time between the two, but I feel like the former is also one that plagues every single route in the game, so I’m not going to criticize Shiki’s route specifically for that. It’s just that Shiki’s route suffers the most from this pacing issue because his relationship with Akira leans more toward the slow burn side, and the pacing in Togainu no Chi is… anything but slow, especially in the latter half when it rushes to introduce how Nano all fits into this.

But despite the pacing issues, I can see what the writer was trying to go for in terms of Shiki and Akira’s dynamic and their development, and I can appreciate the attempt, even if the execution is not all there.

Anyway, there's another part from Shiki's drama CD I want to analyze:

Shiki: What, is that all you can do? This will be just nice to bring up your desire to kill. Don't let me see that cowardly expression of yours again. [Narration] There's no reason why I said all these. This kind of person who only put on airs but is too weak, I can just kill him. But, I did not hesitate to allow him to appear again. [End narration]

After Shiki leaves, he tells himself that there’s no reason for why he spoke or acted the way he did with Akira. To put it bluntly: it’s a form of denial. He knows that it was uncharacteristic of him to not only let Akira live, but to also test Akira's will to live and watch Akira struggle against him, when normally he would just kill his prey and be done with it without sparing a second thought. Shiki claims that there's no meaning behind his actions, when there clearly is. He tries to convince himself that he can still kill Akira if he really wants to; he's just letting Akira live on a whim. Totally not because he's interested in Akira or anything…

Shiki's feelings after this exchange mirror Akira's own in that neither of them can understand their own irrational behaviors. I'm just gonna reiterate an earlier point that I stated in this meta because I feel like I already explained my thoughts there as succinctly as I could, and I don't feel like paraphrasing myself: "They both make each other act in a way they normally wouldn't (Shiki wouldn't normally let his prey live, and Akira normally wouldn't act so self-willed), but that just shows how much they're affecting each other."

And just like Akira, Shiki is aware of how strange his own behavior is, so it's not a case of unintentional OOC writing. The emotional intensity they experience with each other causes them to behave in a manner atypical of themselves, and this opens up their dynamic to the interpretation that they're more interested in each other than they let on.

Now let's look at how the manga frames this exact same scene:

Shiki, unsurprisingly, talks about fear and makes no secret of his disdain for those who either run away or cave into submission (“hanging down their heads in front of stronger persons”) when confronted with death. I feel like this generalizing statement is here to actually stand as a contrast to Akira and show that Shiki's words don't apply to him. Akira isn't running away from Shiki, and he's certainly not bowing his head and begging for mercy from him. (We know that Akira would rather die than do that).

This is further reinforced by Shiki's comment about Akira's resistance and his demand for Akira to "bark more," which, when you look past the dog metaphor, is a pretty clear statement of him telling Akira to fight back. Already this scene is setting up their dynamic to show how Akira is different from all the people Shiki has encountered before, and Akira's defiance is a trait that Shiki hasn't seen from anyone else in Toshima.

Shiki then asks Akira if he’s also started to feel fear toward death:

With his sword pointed at Akira, he’s essentially issuing Akira a challenge here: prove to me that my expectation of you being different is true and that you’re not like those other cowards. The fact that Shiki hasn’t decided to kill Akira yet is proof in itself that he has certain expectations for Akira that he wants Akira to fulfill. But if Akira does indeed succumb to his fear of death, then Shiki is going to kill him.

Wow, what do we have here… another moment of Shiki and Akira eye fucking each other. Their gazes are mirrored in these two panels—one of Akira’s eyes is covered by his hair, while Shiki’s other eye is cut off by the edge of the panel. Shiki’s eye is placed in a higher position than Akira’s on the page; a visual demonstration of the power imbalance between them, with Shiki being the one on top, literally and figuratively. Like I’m not fucking sorry for talking about their eyes so much; it’s one of my favorite tropes in manga and Shikiaki just gets it so right, especially since the act of them gazing into each other’s eyes is thematically relevant to the narrative and isn’t just there for the visuals.

“I don’t want you to decide it... for me.”

Akira condenses my entire analysis of the “Or are you afraid of death?” scene into one definitive sentence. Thank you, Akira.

Like just to reiterate, I’m showing these pages from the manga because they back up my interpretation of the scenes from the visual novel/drama CD. Akira doesn't say this line in the visual novel, but the thought process is there in his internal narration, and now the manga shows Akira explicitly saying that the reason he won't let himself die in this moment is because he doesn't want Shiki to have any influence in the way he dies. Even if Akira wanted to kill himself and end it all, he wouldn’t do it if it meant having to submit to Shiki.

And might I add, this takes place after the kidnapping scene in the manga. Akira has presumably lost the will to live after accidentally killing Keisuke. So there should be more reason for him to just end it all and kill himself with Shiki's sword, right? 

Except no. Akira glares at Shiki and then declares he's not going to let Shiki decide his death for him. He regains the will to live, even if it's just for this moment.

If the narrative frames Keisuke as being so close and important to Akira that Akira straight up loses the will to live after Keisuke dies, then what does it mean that Shiki is able to bring back Akira's will to live, and then even go on to inspire Akira to continue living during the tunnel scene, despite Akira questioning the purpose of his own existence after learning the origin of his blood?

That's a rhetorical question, but it's definitely a line of thinking I'm going to revisit later on in the meta.

Also, I absolutely do not think it’s a coincidence that the “What’s the matter?” text box is on a panel that features a close-up of Shiki’s eyes, and then the text box with Akira’s reply of, "I don't want you to decide it... for me," is on a panel where Akira’s eyes are framed as the main focus. The visual motif is undeniably there.

So to summarize all my thoughts regarding this underrated scene: Akira's nihilism and lack of purpose in life is what makes him act so fearless and defiant when confronting Shiki, but because of that, he also starts acting more self-willed and develops a will to live when Shiki backs him into a corner—not because he’s afraid of death, but because he doesn’t want to submit to Shiki.

Shiki lives with the singular purpose of surpassing the man who made him feel fear, but he also has a complex about fear, and when he meets someone like Akira who seems to be able to face death without fear in his eyes, Shiki is intrigued and wants to see more of where Akira's resilience stems from.

Additionally (and I’ll explain more about this once we get to the relevant scenes, but I’m just going to put my thoughts here for now), Akira becomes drawn to Shiki because Shiki lives with a strong sense of purpose—a trait that Akira himself lacks, and one that relates to the character arc that's been set up for him since the start of the game, the question of: "What could he hope to accomplish by staying alive? What was the difference between life and death, aside from the cessation of one’s bodily functions?”

Conversely, Shiki becomes drawn to Akira because Akira is apathetic toward living and doesn't succumb to fear even when forced to face death—a trait that Shiki himself lacks, and his character arc revolves around him learning to overcome his fear of Nano and accepting his “weakness.”

This sets up their potential attraction to each other, the whole "I can't get him out of my head" sentiment that eventually permeates their respective POVs. They’re drawn to each other because they see traits they aspire to have in the other person.

This is what I mean when I say their opposing philosophies inadvertently draw them to each other, and it's why I spent a good chunk of the previous part of this meta establishing the nihilism/existentialism connection between Akira and Shiki. The way Akira's nihilism ties back so neatly into his dynamic with Shiki is what makes me love Shiki's route so much. I truly get the sense that Akira is his own character in Shiki's route because the writing takes into consideration how Akira's nihilism would influence his characterization, from the way he talks, to the way he acts, to the way he thinks. The writing in Shiki's route actually explores how Akira's nihilism would affect and permeate every aspect of his character, and we see this take shape in the form of Akira's fearlessness.

The way Shiki constantly pushes Akira to act more willfully, thereby making him grow out of his nihilistic mindset, is what really makes the Shikiaki dynamic work for me. Shiki's desire to see Akira struggle—for reasons related to his own backstory and characterization—is what spurs Akira's character development, and that's what makes their interactions feel so organic. It feels like the characters are acting on their own accord, rather than the narrative making them act a certain way in order to push the plot forward/advance the romance, because their actions have been contextualized by their backstories and motivations (or lack thereof), and we see how they directly influence and encourage each other’s character growths through said actions.

Akira is the type of person to "go with the flow" and not exactly care about where life takes him, so it's interesting to see how he exhibits so much agency when it comes to defying Shiki and obeying his own will. It’s important that Akira develops a strong will to live, especially one where he follows his own path, because it’s the trajectory that his character arc is supposed to take, from being a nihilistic person who lives day to day with no purpose in life, to becoming someone who can appreciate life for what it is and make every action count.

---

Next part will include more analysis on some Shikiaki scenes from both the visual novel and the manga, with a manga-exclusive Shikiaki scene that I’m really excited to talk about. I’ve given up on predicting how many parts this meta is going to have though, because clearly I’m incapable of shutting up about Shikiaki and expressing my thoughts in a concise manner, so I’m just gonna fix the navigation as I update lol.

[koqabear]

okay i wanted to ask, because i see you writing such long fics but i can barely pull myself together to write this bomb-ass 20k word fic, how do approach a fic you know is going to be a long one in a way that you don't feel intimidated by it, or do you still get intimidated by it and just try and push through it?

okay so first off, thank you so much for sending me this ask 😭 you literally forced me to go through my writing process and caused me to make a huge breakthrough with one of my stories alfkgh

anyways, i'll try to be as thorough and clear as i can be with my process, i hope this helps! (but also im so sorry once i started i couldn't stop)

i think my process can be best described with three fics; Only You, Darling (40k), Killer Instinct (37K), and Memories We Made (unfinished but estimated to be over 30k.). With each story, I knew that they were going to be long, but mostly because I went in with the approach that it has to be long in order for the story to be executed right; characters have to be written thoroughly, and there are certain scenes that need to be written for the plot/character to progress-- like, if it's not written in, the story could lose those small details that make the fic feel more... alive, if that makes sense?

The most important part is making an outline! I know that's probably obvious, but outlines can seriously vary; like with OYD and MWM, I have a whole doc dedicated to the fic. I'm gonna show you what a bit of my OYD planning looks like, please don't point out how genuinely unhinged it is 😭😭😭 (so.. spoilers for OYD + fun fact it was gonna be Sunghoon instead of Jaemin in the story originally hehe)

This is an example of what my outlines can look like; but, it only gets like this as i write-- the first pic is my outline filled with things i added as i wrote OYD such as characteristics/important notes/things i wanna edit, and the second pic is what i started out with.

the first thing i do is brainstorm the bare basics of the plot; what kind of story is it, and what do i want to happen in it? you can see that i separated the story into the key plot points/arcs; and within each one, i also put how i wanted them to begin and end. (the numbers are the wc for each arc alskhg)

the hard part comes in when you're filling these arcs/key points in. because now the big question is, how do you get there? for example, during the first act of OYD, i wanted to establish beomjun's relationship with the mc, and end it off by having the two work together. but in order to do that, i decided to include scenes that showed yeonjun's relationship with the mc, and then beomgyu's relationship with her. now that i had the foundation, i allowed the two to interact; that let me establish beomjun's relationship with each other, and let them realize they had a common goal.

last, you add a catalyst (a character, a situation, etc.) that can get you to your end goal; the catalyst being jaemin, which brought the two to work together out of jealousy-- and that's how i was able to fill in that key point.

then i just repeated that process for all arcs! add scenes that elaborate on key points, then add a catalyst that can take you to the end!

another thing i do when plotting for my stories is record myself brainstorming! i let myself ramble and talk about the plot out loud, and that's usually how i run into plot holes/issues. i kinda let myself figure it out in real time, and once i've figured the plot out, i listen back to it and write it down. (i have voice recordings for OYD and MWM. MWM is 48 mins, if that gives you a gist of what i mean by like... brainstorming. and half of it is straight up fucking nonsense. just let out ideas, details about the characters, scenes you'd like to write, anything. it lets you become more familiar and comfortable with your story, if that even makes sense.)

also! whenever i'm writing but get tired and decide to take a break, i add a quick want to add note at the bottom; that's what the weird little spiel up there in the second pic is. it's where i wrote down the ending scene because i had a super specific idea of what i wanted and how i wanted it to happen. if you get any scene ideas like that for your fic, write them down!! there's a chance that you might forget about it/write it differently if you don't; plus, it could even help you add things in that could make the transition into the scene super smooth.

OYD was honestly a bit intimidating for me when i wrote it, because i knew that it had to be extremely detailed and long. that's why i made sure to properly plan things out, that way so i didn't forget anything that could skew the execution. but one of the biggest tips is that you should brainstorm scenes you want to add in each key point, that way you don't feel as intimidated when writing-- because now you have a guide, yk? I'd love to show how my MWM outline looks like, but the fic isn't even out yet 😭 but it's literally a scene-by-scene outline of how i want the story to go! now all i have to do is flesh out the said scenes :)

then there's fics like killer instinct. i went into that with pure vibes, no outline, no planning; more of a mental outline, if anything. so if you find the idea of the whole written outline + scene & key points boring/not for you, i'd still suggest to get the bare basics down; but what i did with killer instinct was that i brainstormed as i went, and added small notes to keep track of important things so i wouldn't screw with continuity-- age and time is pretty important in that story, and i kid you not this is the only thing i had for killer instinct outline wise (bc im not counting my doc of mma notes.)

but for killer instinct, i kinda winged it; i knew what the general plot was, but allowed myself to have fun on how to get there. the only thing i will say though, is that with every scene, you should try to plan out the next one-- like, intro to killer instinct is introducing taegyu, then i'll introduce the mc. then i'll introduce the world and background. and now that i have a foundation, i'll add extra scenes, then a catalyst! this leads into the main conflict, then y'know the rest. but instead of planning it out bit by bit, i kinda let myself go with the flow...? it also let me be a lot less intimidated by the fact that I knew the story would have to be long.

as for the story i had a big breakthrough with, i'm definitely a bit intimidated by it! i know it has to be intricate and emotional and intense, so in order to help with that, i've made playlists to get me in the correct mood, watch shows, read other fics, anything to help me get comfortable with the genre and spark inspiration. I'm currently winging it as well.... but have three key points im sticking to-- it's gonna sound a bit confusing and vague but it's like... add foundation + the male lead is introduced -> background is given to let ppl know motivations and stuff -> final scene. and whenever i run into an issue, i brainstorm and try to get to the root of why im stuck. like, is it plot, the character, or the scene? in this case it was all three so. pray for me.

anyways. i hope this helped and im so sorry if it didn't 😭😭😭 because then that just means u read this painfully messy explanation for nothing. but when writing long fics, pleeeaseee make sure to take your time with it-- if nothing's working, give it time and don't force yourself to write whatever! (mwm has been in my wip for a solid like. year..? but this is a rare case plus im insane)

and if your word count ends up surpassing/being under than what you originally expected, don't panic! (killer instinct was estimated at 20-25k. so.) sometimes certain scenes just aren't necessary, and other times, you find that you may need to elaborate more in order to make things work.

im seriously wishing you luck on your project!! and if you found this somehow did help and have more questions, don't hesitate to ask! oh and if you found something i said confusing (bc i do have the tendency to not make sense) pls lmk and i'll try to clear it up asdglsh 😭

[nyankodanyan]

Nagata Ruriko Membership Number 18

Date of birth: June 23 1967 Birthplace: Gifu Height: 156cm Weight: 45kg Bust: 83cm Waist: 6cm Hip: 82cm Blood Type: O+ High School: Chiba Prefectural Tsudanuma High School Favorite subject: English and Art Least favorite subject: History Club: None Favorite type of boy: Someone who is taciturn and has no presence. Least favorite type of boy: Someone handsome and someone like Playboy who is awfully kind to women. Hobby:Cooking Favorite food: Ice Cream favorite color: White, Pink and Orange Favorite celebrity: Shibata Kyōhei About myself: Every single day I feel self-loathing. Please give me your support. (DUNK8510 P42)

She became a member of Onyanko Club in May 1985, when she was a senior at Tsudanuma High School.(OnyankoB p43) She was good friends with Nitta Eri and Nakajima Miharu, who were in the same grade.(DUNK8512 p39) In April 1986, she enrolled at Wayō Women's Junior College near Funabashi, her hometown.(Rumors p86) In terms of looks, she was at least way better than Nitta, and yet she never became as popular as Nitta.(OnyankoC p38) Perhaps she wasn't always suited for an idol, as she wasn't so cheerful and was an extremely difficult type of girl.(DUNK8510 P42) Still, she, like Nitta, really wanted to make her solo debut.(OnyankoB p43) She appealed to various parties to let her make a solo debut.(5ch1 5) However, Kasai Kazuji, the chief director of Yūyake Nyan Nyan, cruelly rejected her request, telling her that she wasn't qualified for the job.(OnyankoB p43) She was extremely disappointed and implicitly criticized Kasai, saying, “I really hate guys who wield power, and I'm fucking pissed off with such assholes".(DUNK87 P67) Still, when Onyanko Club disbanded, she said she had no unfinished business for her and graciously retired from the entertainment industry.(OnyankoB p64) She developed a unique rounded script called Rurīru, which is still in use to this day, albeit only slightly.(OnyankoC p38) In spring 1988, she married an employee of a television production company.(Rumors p160) That was just a short time before Takai Mamiko's marriage to Akimoto Yasushi, and Nagata, not Takai, was the first Onyanko Club member to get married.(Rumors p160) Some say she married Suzuki Masato, an assistant director of Yūyake Nyan Nyan.(2ch2 710) She appears to have two children (some say three), but hasn't been seen in public at all since her marriage.(Current)(5ch1 66) She's never been in contact with any of the other members of Onyanko Club, including Nitta Eri, with whom she was good friends.(5ch1 68) There are many other members who haven't appeared in public since their marriage, but she's the only one who hasn't even been witnessed by anyone.(5ch1 100) In the 21st century, she started refusing to give video permissions.(Current) Because of this, whenever Onyanko Club footage is shown on TV, her face is always covered with a mosaic.(Current) A number of DVDs were released featuring Yūyake Nyan Nyan, concerts, and behind-the-scenes footage.(Current) All of her close-ups, conversations, singing scenes, and even her profile were removed from these DVDs.(Current) Since no public explanation has been offered as to the cause of her refusal to give permissions for the footage, a number of theories have been rumored.(net) One of them is that her husband had a dispute with Fuji TV and since then she has refused under his direction.(Ruri) This is the most widely believed theory among Onyanko Club fans.(net) However, this theory ain't worthy of credence because it originated from a post written by an unidentified guy on the Onyanko Club fan site, PANIC THE WWW, over 20 years ago.(Ruri) Given her past history, it's more natural to assume that her refusal is vengeance for not getting her solo debut. This theory, too, ain't certain, though.

[phantomtwitch]

Congrats on finishing Echoes!!!!!!!

Do you have tips on writing such a long fic? How much planning did you do ?

Ahhh, thank you!!!!

For finishing such a long fic, I have some suggestions, but I think like a lot of writing advice it's a very "your mileage will vary" depending on your own processes. Long and honestly kind of rambling answer (and some mild spoilers for Echoes) below the cut:

So in terms of planning, I'm not really much of a planner to be honest. I know plenty of authors that will do detailed outlines, map out scenes, and then proceed to write each scene or chapter in a very structured way. It works for them, and it's worth a try if you haven't done it before, but I've found it just doesn't suit my general style.

My outline was a lot vaguer. I had basic concepts ideas I wanted to explore - No One Knows AU, Hazmat AU, Danny being friends with the ghosts as Fenton despite being hated as Phantom, and an identity reveal. My basic structure at the start was split into four parts, with each part highlighting a different reveal with different people in his life, but after finishing the first one with Valerie, I found that while it worked okay as a standalone, as a long fic it just . . . didn't. When I started doing the next part, it felt too repetitive and too much like the exact same thing with just the person swapped out, so even though I liked that first bit overall, I scrapped it in favor of trying to do something else because I still wanted to get to that end point where his family and friends all knew the truth.

So instead I tried to think about what could bring some of these people together to kind of discover some things in tandem instead of separately (hence the possession bit I came up with, which wasn't part of my original concept), and then from there the second part felt really natural as I realized I had to deal with the fallout from what happened there and it allowed me to bring the Fenton parents in more, too. I knew the last part was always going to end with my interpretation of Reign Storm, so it mostly became a question of how to get there in the context of the themes that started to develop as I wrote (namely around forgiveness, trust, hope, etc).

Dividing it into three parts with a different focus that still supported the overall story and character arcs helped a ton. Not getting too fixated on editing as I went along was also a big, important piece, since that's something I've struggled with intensely in the past. I want things to be perfect, and part of finishing this meant accepting that it wouldn't be and that it was okay and that, in all honesty, some of the things that make it imperfect are part of what makes it so near and dear to my heart.

(I will say, though, that I definitely indulged that impulse to go back and edit occasionally, since it helped refresh my memory as I wrote and scratch that itch. It was just important not to fall into a trap of only doing that instead of writing, too).

I tried to do a few scenes out of order, but found that never worked for me, I think in part because I was figuring out a lot of things as I went along. I'll still, occasionally, write out the bit in a fic that I really, really want on the page if I feel like I can't continue writing without getting it out first, but that version of it virtually never ends up in the final piece.

Other things that were important for me . . .

Finishing the fic before I posted it. Other folks can write and post as they go. I can't. I don't usually figure out everything until I'm basically done, and at that point I need to go back and rewrite and add bits to make the whole thing work. I think some of the chapters I didn't have in the first solid draft of my finished fic would surprise people. The unfinished fics on my old FFN profile are a testament to this - there's more than one I stopped there because I wrote myself into a corner I couldn't figure out how to get out of, or took on something that was way too ambitious or went in a direction I found I ultimately didn't want to go.

It also helped me avoid feeling that intense pressure of not wanting to disappoint people that were reading. Like, that was still there, but because the fic was functionally done, it didn't impact my ability to finish writing it, if that makes sense, and instead really impacted how I approached editing it instead.

But posting with space between the chapters mattered, too, since it allowed me to read people's comments which sometimes brought up things I hadn't considered and that I occasionally (but not always) worked into the fic later. One of the comments from dp-marvel 94, I think, had a huge impact on me when it came to how I approached the epilogue. While some parts of the epilogue didn't change much from my initial draft, a not so small part did, and I am much, much happier for the change since it really helped to tie up Danny's character growth and some of the themes I'd written into the fic.

(I suspect a beta-reader could have helped with that, but I was too anxious/terrified to ask anyone to be honest even as I knew it would probably make the fic better).

I also let my fic sit for like a month after I finished it without touching it, and then I went back and reread the entire thing, which helped me realize what I was missing, things I should added, deleted bits that I should also put back in (I never, ever permanently delete anything I write. I have a ton of documents that are an absolutely bonkers amount of pages full of stuff I deleted, if only because sometimes I realize that there are bits of those things that can be salvaged or worked in later).

And honestly? I just type fast. That's not terribly helpful advice and I know it, but it means I can indulge a lot of the vague ideas/thoughts I have without feeling like it's setting me back much since I can easily write a few thousand words in an hour.

Really, though, it's thinking about what you want to do with the fic and pushing through the anxiety/fear/perfectionism or whatever other thing is stopping you from finishing, and picking an idea that you love enough that you want to see it through to the end despite the blood, sweat, and tears you'll be pouring into it.

[thedawningofthehour]

Hi!! Yes, hello, I cried again, thank you for that. Even though you said we „shouldn’t expect too much“, my heart is still very much cracked haha

ANYWAY, since the guessing game is still on, I was thinking a lot during this chapter. My guess is, either Raph has a really stupid idea that he‘s thinking through right now and that‘s why he‘s been so quiet OR smth happens to the Hueso place and he like sacrifices himself to get his family to escape like idk maybe EPF or smth knocks at the door and he holds them off

And so I was wondering if you could tell us when this stupid thing is gonna happen, I have a feeling it might be like the book 2 finale or somewhere close to that??

ALSO, I was wondering how you organise your chapters and the plot you write about. Do you have like a pinboard and put the NYC map on it and connect the dots with red yarn? (Detective style) or do you use some program or are just…weird and memorise it all?

Maybe he hasn't actually had the stupid idea yet, but he's definitely ruminating on everything that eventually compels him to make that decision.

The stupid thing will be a direct consequence of the final climax, so it'll be coming up here soon. I'm going to put up a poll probably after the next chapter.

I'm giddy that we're getting there, honestly. There's a foreshadow I put in literally in the single-digit chapters of Book 1 and when I wrote that I couldn't imagine actually getting to that point. I always feel like I'm going to die or something before I finish stuff, like, I was shocked when I finished doth.

Oh my goooood I am so terrible about plotting and outlines and stuff. I always, always feel like I'm in elementary school filling out a worksheet. I am basically this guy

except there is no paper because I haven't written anything down I'm just sleep deprived and rambling and smoking copious amounts of weed. (I have never smoked weed)

I know generally how the plots go, and as chapters draw closer I start thinking more specifically about where parts should go and where they would fit best. The whole war kick-off thing, that originally was going to happen after the third reverse-kidnapping, (the mall with the mercenaries one) but Gale and Mikey were still having their library trips, and that just seemed like an...awkward thing to have hanging over them. And it just didn't have to be. I could have cut that arc short, delayed the third reverse-kidnapping until after after the library meetings were discovered, or I could push off the war. And the war didn't need to happen then-if anything, it complicated the other plot points that needed to happen. And I think it worked out for the better this way.

I'm not totally satisfied with this method though. When I was writing Book 1, I had probably about half the fic written before I started posting-it was all in one document, Donnie's scenes were all together and Leo's scenes were in some incomprehensible order and often unfinished because I wasn't expecting to post anything and would just stop when I felt like it, when I finally committed to putting it to order I think I had like eight documents open at one point and three different highlighter colors to denote what I'd done in the master document, it was an ORDEAL-but it meant that I could group scenes together based on what was most effective, move things around very easily. The fact that Leo and Donnie's chapters were pointedly not happening at the same time helped a lot too. In Book 2, I end up writing with two, maybe three chapters planned ahead in my brain, and I feel like that forces me to sometimes rely on short-term climaxes that add to the word count but don't really do much for the story overall, or put off certain things that I don't particularly feel like writing at the time or don't know would work there. Book 2 would probably be significantly shorter if I'd plotted it out the way I did Book 1.

...What were we talking about? Oh! I do actually have a map of NYC open pretty much constantly in my fic window, it probably shows when they were driving around last chapter that I was literally going along the border with my pointer finger. But I'm terrible and I don't write any of this shit down. I usually remember, but there have been occasions where I've completely forgotten what I was going to do, and I think it was chapter 32 where I had pretty much finished the rest of the chapter and then realized I'd forgotten the final Leo scene-which was a pretty major scene. So I guess...yeah, weird and memorize sounds correct, but I don't actually do it that well.

[the-missann]

I just remembered something I wanted to do.

Essentially, I grew up reading and watching yaoi (and also self-identify as a fujoshi) and it's always been a dream of mine to have a queer show go on for as long as something like Naruto or SpongeBob. You know, just longer than three seasons as is typical with shows that have queer main characters.

So, I'll share some of the stories of mine that either have MCs that are gay, have queer characters, or have a plot related around something LGBT.

Also, I wanna use this as a way to detail special cases in my stories as well.

! I am but a simple ally. So if something I say is wrong or there's a better way to phrase it, please kindly let me know. I truly mean no offense by anything here !

Stories with gay MCs

Tales That Were Told (Not written)

So, this is a story that's pretty much done but I haven't written one bit of it aside from a random scene I had to get out of my head. But, originally, this was just a story where two highschool kids were dealing with highschool shit. A slice of life story with two cuties. Then, it got turned into this new story (Tales That Were Told) that is a sequel to another story I'm still currently writing (Tales That Were Lived). It's hard to summarize, but essentially the main story is an adventure dealing with three characters and a fantasy world where they're all coming to terms with finding themselves and learning to love who they are despite where they may come from. In Tales Told, I intend for this story to have like relationship shit, but the relationship is two men *gasp*. It's not gonna be some weirdly specific thing; no, they're just two kids who have a crush on each other while other shit in the world is going on. Revolutionary concept I know.

Unnamed erotica (unedited, 40k wc with a planned sequel at 10k currently)

it has a name, but I don't really like it :(

I was a little iffy about writing this one at first because I'm the type of person who's extremely tired of queer media just being softcore porn. I just want a good story and the characters happen to be gay. But, I also know it's important to write stories like these as well to show all the different sides and to show people that there's not much different about anyone who happens to be lgbt. In this story, my MC Kit is a famous voice actor (like Johnny Young Bosch) and is a total asshole that everyone is scared shitless of. His soon to be boyfriend is a lovestruck puppy boy childhood friend who is desperate to be with him. He's so sweet it's almost sickening! They deal with normal relationship issues, societal problems, workplace harassment, as well as their own personal issues and some of their issues are even from each other. scandalous. Kit as the MC has a million and one issues within himself (including some from his family), but his loverboy is right there to help him! Also, here's another summary I wrote for this on my website that better explains the origin of the story.

Stories with queer characters

Orange Perfect (unfinished at 21k)

This is had a few mentions of queerness in it. A quick summary: this is a coming-of-age story where three kids (Cassie, Lucius, and Shay) are forced to become friends after all getting targeted by a gang. The MC named Shay is discovering himself. He doesn't know if he's gay, bi, non-binary, gender non-conforming, etc... and is conflicted about his various feelings as he wishes he had a simpler answer for how he feels. Another important character is a trans man (Gabe) who acts as a physical representation of Cassie's own realization of who she wants to be. It's tough for her to live as herself, so Gabe eventually reveals to her that he is a trans man. That his struggles to realize who he really was changed once he accepted himself. As well, he wants her to be different from himself as he's still living partially in the dark since very few people know he's trans.

Any story that has one character named Ren in it (too many to count)

Ren is my MCs twin brother (whenever I want her to have a twin brother) and he is always in a relationship with another character named Mari who I originally made as a trap (I was like twelve). Now a days, Mari is just best described as a twink, but I like his name too much to change it. So that part of the "trap" still exists. Ren is full on gay and screams it from the rooftops as he expresses his interest in men quite often. He's not a flamboyant gay, but he will openly tell people he has no romantic or sexual interest in women and isn't shy to kiss his boyfriend in public. Oh and bonus that women often like him and he has a ton of female friends.

The Entire Fourth Dimension Reality series (total wc of ~100k)

Aside from this story being one long shit post I thoroughly loved making. One of the secondary main characters is suppose to be pansexual. Why this is, is because she only interacts with the other three main characters because she finds them cute (one girl and two guys). Now, she's actually pan for a reason. It's mainly due to her family that made her desire to be loved by everyone around her. This manifested into her just liking anything that would show her affection. (dw Mandy, I love you💗) One of the villains I made to be feminine presenting because he was really pretty in my head when I first developed him. He was going to be genderless, but I decided to make him more feminine and most of that is just with his appearance, but he is defined as a man and acts as so, he just happens to have traditional female attire and mannerisms :)

All The Screams (unedited at 61k)

So, the main point of this story is about Cassie who ends up finding out that she's cursed, but she only does so after going on a mission to escort the prince of her kingdom to his lover. This mission is kept secret and why lies in who this lover is. It's a prince from another Kingdom. Kyo, the prince of Cassie's kingdom, is a little selfish brat who wants what he wants. He fell in love with another kingdom's prince and immediately chose him over his kingdom. With the other prince, his parents are actually gay as well and I made this story around the time I was heavily into yaoi and BL so that may have been an influence as to why tons of characters in this story are gay or why there's major plot points relating to it.

Characters that are iffy/I didn't plan to be queer

The State of Quandary (unfinished with ~60k)/ Before the Reignfall (finished with 45k)

Technically this involves two characters. One of the MCs (Fang) and the MCs friend (Dani) are in the same boat. Originally, Dani was suppose to have a crush on the other MC (Cassie), and that was suppose to explain why Dani even interacts with her in the first place and why they have such a close friendship. However, it felt queerbaity and I felt gross having that as a plot point when it's so obvious Cassie will never even get close to having romantic feelings for Dani. Then, I thought to have Dani be a lesbian because she has trauma with men and dislikes most, if not all, grown men in the world. Fang was the remedy with that as I thought to make them be in a relationship as Fang would be the first guy she ever met who isn't a total loser. However, Fang was originally going to be involved in a love triangle before I realized there's a bit to many conflicts in the story and got rid of it. So, I ended up in a gray area where Fang also doesn't show any interest in women (the result of the love triangle being removed) So, this was my fix. People can either think Fang and Dani are cute together and he manages to break through her trauma, people can think they're both gay and just show no romantic interest in the opposite sex, or their romantic feelings for anyone just isn't important to the story whatsoever. And tbh, I don't mind any one of those options. It's cool when there's different ways to interpret character relationships and it won't lead to fans fighting each other if even I don't really know what it is.

Tales That Were Told (Unfinished at ~90k words)

This villain is a doozy. Their name is Gage and when I first made this character, I pretty much was going to make a woman. However, when I started writing the story, she turned into a he and not even in a way like I intended to change the gender, but even now whenever I write Gage, they're a he. When I think of Gage, they're a she. I don't know what that's about, but even my mental image of Gage is that of both a woman and a man. (If anything, they're comparable to Leo from Tekken). So, to fix this in my head, out loud I refer to Gage as a he. I think of Gage as a she. In the story, the narrator doesn't use any pronoun and characters have conflicting usage as most characters refer to Gage as a he, but there are some who see Gage as a she or simply they/them. Oh, and no, just because Gage might be non-binary, that's not why they're evil. It's not even a plot point in the story. No vilifying personality traits over here lol

Unfinished/unplotted stories with queer plotlines

Unnamed romance (Pink and Brown)

I showcased a snipit of this story (also thanks for everyone who liked it 💕), but there's more to it than what I shared. Back when I actually had a friend, I used to tell him about ideas I had, then he would pretty much allow me to figure out what I wanted to do with it. I told him I wanted to make a story with these two girls I made in a picrew because they were so adorable and they ended up as a couple. I couldn't think of a name so they were named Pink and Brown based on their hair colors. I also couldn't think of the official story I wanted them to have. So, I simply came up with two of them. The first story is a slice of life where Brown and Pink are both in college (for IT and Art respectively) and Brown has a huge crush on two girls--one she knows through mutual friends and another being the artists of a webcomic she really loves. (I'm sure this isn't obvious at all). So, one day, Brown gets a call from Pink and she's really stressed out about something. Eventually, she explains she called her since an IT major could help her with someone hacking one of her social media accounts. Brown agrees and when she finds out what the account is, she's shocked to see that Pink is the artist of the webcomic she's been reading for years. I don't even have a damn conflict in this story so it is dead in the water. I'm sure I'll get some idea for it, but knowing me that'll be years from now, unfortunately. Oh, and the snipit I shared is suppose to be the comic Pink is drawing acted as an AU of the original story (if that makes any fucking sense)

Unnamed romance (Idol x non-idol)

This one feels like a fever dream because I don't even remember why I came up with it. Anyways, this is suppose to be a slight extension of the erotica. This is another famous person who ends up falling for an accountant after a random encounter he had with him after a concert. The accountant doesn't want to be involved with this celeb for several reasons, but mainly because he's known to sleep around. The celeb is determined and pretty much forces them to have a relationship by hiring him as his new money manager. He pretty much gets him fired from his old job and... that's all I thought of. It's suppose to end up being really cute as the celeb eventually reveals the kind of person he really is, but what that is, I'm not really sure.

Random Tangent

Now that I'm writing this, it does make me think about an abandoned story I wrote where a failing manager falls in love with a client who essentially saves him from losing his career. The erotica and it's extension are already related, and this other unnamed story (I'll call it The Client for now) had a connection as well. Real quick, all these stories are connected to Orange Perfect through Cassie and other relationships. Without giving away major spoilers (just in case) Cassie ends up as someone very influential in the media world by the end. As a college age girl, she's meeting with the Celeb and the Accountant; and, at some point in her journey, she meets and works with the Manager in The Client. Kit knows a ton of people in the industry and knows the Celeb, the Manager, and Cassie who he has a business relationship with. So, it's easy for me to add Pink. Pink could eventually be offered a contract to a major publication, and cross paths with Cassie through some means. There's even a chance for Kit to voice any character in her webcomic, the celeb to make music for it, and even the manager could help her somehow. Sometimes I get really good ideas for things that just are not possible. I would love to have these five stories apart of a collection in this "reality" I made up for them. Ugh. It sucks to not have this as my actual job. Anyways, I thought it would be kind of cool to have all these stories be related.

That might not be everyone, but I often use queer elements in my story so, who knows, maybe I'll update this in the future with more!

But, thanks for reading if you did~🍂

[onmywaytofanfic]

WELCOME & MASTERLIST (UNDERCONSTRUCTION)

WELCOME TO MY ONMYWAYTOFANFIC !!!

My name is Boro and well, here is my bullshit. It is strange but.... I create this with a solid idea to do one fanfic exclusively and now it is so diverse, there are AUs and other characters this is madness. So I decided to create a masterlist with everything. It must be said that this would not have happened if it wasn't for the amazing community and friends that I have found along the way in this year that I have been actively trying to create content. THANKS TO ALL OF YOU!! YOU ALL KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!!

I have ended up with more than one ship for the main OC that I did, Reina, whose story has change drastically and has shifted constantly, as well as her desing. On the way Eiko appeared with a solid background and a beautiful love story with Ibiki, I am soo in love with them. I know that this would be changing that this is a masterlist of everything that I have done so far and.... I thought that I did lest but oh boy! Gooddness!!

The Aburame family is still my main topic and I abbsolutely love my Reina and the family that has been built around her, but Eiko is a huge and very important OC for me too althought she is nto from the Aburamme family but the fierce matriarch of the Morino family. What a family let me tell you.

It would be divided by AU and Ship so you can check (I may try to change or find a more suitable way to do this). I will try to update it as much as possible. Also there is a ART Masterlist here too.

There are a few desclimers:

This fanfic is +18 mature content would be shown not just the yummy but also hard stuff like trauma for example. This is something that mus be said not just way ahead and it will be also shown in each chapter.

All the characters are property of their creator, Masashi Kishimoto, I have used my liberty to enhance what he has shown about his world and of course I have add OCs. So far I would not upload drawings of my OCs mostly because I suck at it, so better keep them lock. Therefore, it is forbidden to upload my content without the credit that it should be given as well as the descrimer that shows that the character are property of Masashi Kishimoto.

It must be said that English it is not my first language, I am using this plattaform for fun, to have some laughs and enjoy writing my fanfiction. It is more of a creative and linguistic output in general terms. I have thought to also upload in other languages for practicing and fun.

With nothing else to say... well I hope you enjoy it.

THE ABURAME FAMILY

REINA ABURAME HEADCANNONS (The new ones) Headcannons

Technique's headccanon - part 1

BUNA ABURAME HEADCANNONS (The grandpa)

TAKEO ABURAME HEADCANNONS (The father)

TATSUMA ABURAME HEADCANNONS (The brother- yes it is cannon Tatsuma the one that was with Orochimaru in that 1 manga panel)

KIDOMARU (Kidomaru?!! Yes someone ~~@yamanaka-shin and @waxingmoonmilktea ~~ have make this a brainworm that is quite deep now in my brain. Very deep...really deep....I LOVE HTE DYNAMIC THAT THESE THREE COULD HAVE OKAY?! okay...I am down a rabbit hole)

NEW CANNON

Reina's birth Part 1 Part 2

KAGENOGURE CHRONICLES AU

-- Original cannon (no longer Reina's (and also my Aburame family) cannon but maybe I will go back here, but so far it is just an AU)

In this AU there is a hidden village called Kagenogure, found by Sasuke and that would eventually lead to all the characters meeting. The main Reina ship is SHINO ABURAME. It has two parts, Kagenogure Chronicles which is the main story line and UNTOLD that happens three years after the first one. Both are unfinished.

REINA x SHINO

UNTOLD

Chapters: 1 , 2 , 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

Dreams (Scene)

KAGENOGURE CHRONICLES

Kagenogure's truth 1

Prologue Chapter 1

TAKEO SCENES

The Phoenix's feathers

The new Queen

The old Queen

Reina's birth

Comic: Monarc butterfly part 1

Comic : If they were here

Some HEADCANNONs and a scene

BAND AU

REINA X NOBIRU @moonamayillu 's OC

Chapter 1 , 2

SCENES

REINA X MUTA AU (Doesn't have a name yet)

Chapter 1 , 2

Zetsu's backstory - Yes I am creating some Zetsu content hope to publish it soon rather than later.

STARDEW VALLEY mix NARUTO AU (NARUTO VALLEY? IT IS OFFICIAL)

EIKO AND IBIKI

EIKO MORINO YAMANADA HEADCANNONS

IBIKI MORINO HEADCANNONS

I have never forgotten you (EikoxIbiki) Main storyline of these lovebirds. It is their official cannon

Chapter 1

Pain War Arc - Scene 1 - Scene 2 - Scene 3 (coming soon)

Roasted Chicken Scene

MARCH CHALLENGE (Fail)

Days 1, 2, 3 ,4 (@shinoposting 's OC Suma :3 )

[tboy-boone]

1-15 for the wip asks :)

this is like an entire school assignment, sorry it took so long <3

how many WIPS do you have right now?

too many.... i can't finish anything

2. what is your oldest WIP?

I have this goofy sequel I made to this one story i wrote in middle school and I have to finish it. For everything else, I can't finish anything, but for this WIP, I am required to!!

3. what is your newest WIP?

The last WIP i worked on was Cold, and it's my favourite of all of them. My favourite child without a doubt <3

4. Do you have any WIPs that will never be finished?

I never ever finish anything and I love it! Some things are meant to be small and unfinished thoughts, and I will do it again!

5. What scene did you write first in your current WIP?

The first part I wrote in Cold wasn't the beginning. Since the idea came to me in a dream, I wrote it in segments. So, I wrote the beginning like 6 months later.

6. How long do you tend to spend on your WIPs?

It's usually like two days or almost a year. No in between.

7. What's the longest time you've spent on a fic?

When I was writing I Saw Your Ghost Tonight, it took so damn long.... I started it in October '22 when I was working sound at a play and..... then I hated it after trying to work on it for long. So, it took even LONGER. I have a whole hate/love thing with it, more hate than love.

8. What's the fastest time you've finished a fic?

My last fic took me a little under three hours I think. There was something in the air that night.

9. Do you write your fics as you go, or finish before publishing?

I finish my fics before publishing. I didn't always used to do that, but it helps me commit to the fic. Otherwise, all my works will never be finished.

10. Do you outline a fic before you write it?

Sometimes I'll outline a fic, but I don't usually. If it's a little on the longer side, I might outline it. It just depends on what I'm writing about.

11. How close has your WIP stayed to its outline/original version?

I never finish an outline..... but usually it'll stay pretty close.

12. Do you have a title, working or otherwise, for your WIP? How did you come up with it?

My word docs are given a working title, and it's usually the first sentence so I know what it is. I don't typically give it a good title until I publish it.

13. What's been part of your WIP since the beginning? What the newest idea that you've added to it?

Well, in unnamed wip, I have this bitchy to lovers concept that I like, but I'm thinking of changing some parts of it. I need them to be bitchier and the catalyst needs to change, I'm not feeling it anymore.

14. Rewrite a scene from your WIP from another character's perspective.

Ben had fallen asleep on the couch, but when Riley or Abigail nudged him awake, he would say he was just shutting his eyes for a moment. The occasional snore told them otherwise. Sometimes, he’d snore loud enough he heard himself through his sleep. Tonight was no different than any other, Ben woke himself up with a snort. His eyes burned after hours of reading and researching, so he lay there with his eyes closed, listening to Riley and Abigail in the kitchen. Riley’s laptop was still on, he didn’t get up that long ago. The blue glow dried out Riley’s eyes like the dizzying blur of pages dried Ben’s.

“Howdy, stranger,” Riley’s voice crackled.

There were days when they were all so invested in their research that hours went by before they spoke to each other and discussed their findings.

“You should get some rest.” The soft wrinkling of Abigail’s gloves echoed in the silent apartment. “The both of you.”

“Don’t tell it to me,” Riley grumbled. “Tell it to Indiana Jones in there.”

Despite his snarky tone, Riley kept his voice low for Ben. Although, Ben wasn’t sure if Riley spoke quietly for Ben, or because he cranky enough to start talking shit.

15. Rewrite a scene from your WIP in a different person (first, second, third, etc.)

Although, you should think about getting a new couch. You kneaded the cushions with your palm before sitting down, but it never made the seats any softer. You glanced at the clock on the wall, far too late to be awake, but far too early for you to sleep. The ticking bounced off the bare walls and through the barren rooms. There were plenty of things you needed to do, but the very thought exhausted you in an instant. Ringing echoed from the kitchen, another phone you forgot to disconnect. Can't a man sit in his home and listen to the drone of the news in peace? Once you hoisted yourself onto the crutches, you made your way to the phone hanging on the wall.

thanks for the school assignment brother golfball

[goddesspharo]

director's cut? any and all insights into 'move it to the exits' and 'living in a rhythm where the minute's working overtime', please!

There are brilliant people who exist who have well thought out plots and intricate outlines laid out before they actually start writing. I am not one of those people. (David Fincher, I am not!) I tried outlining a very convoluted fic once with three different concurrent timelines, color-coordinated the thing, wrote 20k, and then gave it up. My process - if one can even call it that - is that usually I will get one line of dialogue or narration stuck in my mind like an incessant earworm until I have no choice but to do something with it. So a lot of times, the scene is built around that one line or the entire story is in the service of getting to that one particular moment. It'll be like 20k of words just because I couldn't get the image of someone leaning out of my head. There's an entire graveyard of unfinished google docs that occasionally get cannibalized into parts of other things that started off with one stupid thought incepting my brain.

living in a rhythm where the minute’s working overtime (The Batman; Bruce/Selina): I was back on my Bruce/Selina bullshit after The Batman. (To be fair, when am I ever NOT about them? I love them in almost all iterations! And having Bruce Wayne be a sad weirdo who smears on grease paint while overidentifying with Kurt Cobain? While Selina Kyle is objectively rad and played by Zoe Kravitz who can actually pull off calling a dude wearing bat ears "baby" every other line? Excellent choices!) It got me to write fic again after a billion years! The line that started this one off was "Think of how guilty you'll feel if I die without knowing you are," but I think originally I had pictured it as happening on a rooftop in the context of Selina having already figured out Batman's secret identity (I was - maybe still am - obsessed with that scene where she asks if he's hideously scarred under the mask) and trying to get him to admit it, but then it morphed into her milking a fairly benign injury to score a trip to the batcave instead and the rest is history. I think this one had room to be a longer thing, but I wrote it on the heels of having already written a 16k and 14k fic about these two idiots already (when historically I rarely used to cross 10k) and needed a break. move it to the exits (Roswell New Mexico; Kyle/Isobel): I really loved the idea of a drunk Kyle wrapping Isobel in his herringbone coat as the snow started to gently fall around them. In the back of my mind, that imagery was part of a very long-form story with them secretly dating but Isobel trying to hide it from her well-meaning mother because she doesn't want Ann Evans to get invested in case it didn't work out. In true Isobel fashion, she makes sure Kyle is on call when Ann comes to visit that weekend. In true Michael fashion, he accidentally lets it slip to Kyle that his girlfriend's mother is in town and it would be a great idea to surprise them at dinner. The dinner, already stressful because Ann is meeting Liz for the first time, is of course a disaster that starts with Isobel introducing Kyle as Liz's ex-boyfriend (which he thinks is kind of weird) and only gets worse from there. Ann Evans keeps trying to get Kyle to arrange a meet-cute between Isobel and a hot doctor in his hospital (which he thinks is really weird). And Max keeps choking on his wine because he's laughing so hard. And then Ann Evans finally asks Kyle why someone who is such a catch doesn't have a girlfriend and he finally gets that Isobel has been lying to her mother for six months when he convinced his own mother to invite her over for dinner even though she kept referring to Isobel "Max's sister with the sex toys" when he first told her they were dating. Naturally, Kyle's anger manifests as him punching Jordan Bernhardt in the parking lot of The Crashdown after he fakes a stat page from the hospital to get out of the dinner from hell, which leads to where this starts off.

[orangepanic]

7, 17, 18, and 33 for the ask meme pretty please? 🍊 🍊 🍊

7. What’s the fic you most want to continue (unfinished or no)?

Definitely, without a doubt, Smoke, my Equalist Asami Irosami fic. It's a massive undertaking that I poured a lot into, and we're so close to the end. I've just got to be in the right headspace to do it, and to have the time and attention to do it properly. Which I haven't had for like six months. But I'm getting excited about it again and hope to get back here soon. Honorable mention to Firestorm, the third fic in my Irosamiverse canon divergence series that I half started and then actually pulled down to re-work. I still think it's got a cool premise, but need to invest in some plotting and make a few hard choices and kill some darlings to keep the narrative tight, which is what was wrong with the first version. George R. R. Martin I am not, and my original vision of writing from a lot of different characters' perspectives and locations wasn't working. But I'll get there.

17. In your opinion, what’s your most overrated fic?

Strictly speaking, probably The Mango Tree. Not because I don't adore this fic. I do. It's sweet and sad and lovely and everyone should read it. But it's also Maiko, and therefore has more kudos and bookmarks than all but my major Irosami multichapter projects that are closer to novels, like AWOL and Smoke. I wrote The Mango Tree in a day or two. Smoke is going on two years. It's a great illustration of the challenges rarepair authors face. If you liked The Mango Tree, maybe you should give some other works a try? You might be surprised.

18. What’s your most underrated fic?

All of them. I guess I was surprised at the reception of Yaoja's Number One Fan. Or maybe just disappointed. There's pretty much universal recognition that for a main character Asami Sato is very underdeveloped in canon. To some that makes her boring, but to me that means she has so much potential! And people clearly want to read about her as she appears in just under half the fics in the Legend of Korra tag. But almost all those fics are Korrasami (like really, nearly all of them), and fics about Asami outside that pairing are rare and low traffic. I'd have hoped there were enough Asami fans in Korrasamiworld who'd be interested in a short, sweet fic about her as a kid that for once didn't center around her mother's death or any ship, but I was wrong. No one seems to love or care for Asami by herself. Low kudos might be the author, but this fic has less than 50 hits. No one is interested. Goes to hug Asami in a corner by myself making self-indulgent pity noises.

33. Is there any particular character whose scenes always wind up being longer/more frequent than you expected? Does the quality hold up?

Okay, there are two ways to answer this: 1. OMFG Iroh. This guy is so much in his head, I'll realize I've written two pages and he hasn't moved. He's still standing there doing dishes, thinking. Any one-shot from Iroh's perspective immediately becomes a multichapter slog. In fact, I went back and looked and in all my 85 works I've only written three one-shots from Iroh's perspective. Because he can't fucking do it. But I love him dearly and I guess he's just going on longer adventures.

2. Asami self-insert. You know that gif with the model walking out from the door all sassy like "heyyyyyy" yeah, that's Asami. I write fics she's not in and she shows up anyway (seriously - she wasn't supposed to be in either The Cabin or Uncle Iroh's Firebending Academy and she just decided she was needed and in she goes). Then she also doesn't listen to directions. I'm writing a fic right now (Tis the Sea Sun for Love) and she's twice wound up adding scenes because she wanted to do something else, like go get a pedicure or shop for a dress for her date. I just... I've given up. Asami is in charge and I'm just here to record it.

Anyway since these are the characters I write the most often now you understand why my fics are so damn long.

Ask me writing stuff

[gryfflepuffinthetardis]

Unfinished Business

Season One Masterlist

Riding the Lightning

The Tribe

Summary: When "The Keystone Killer", a serial killer in Philadelphia, resurfaces after eighteen years of inactivity, the BAU works with now-retired FBI agent who worked on the original case to catch the killer.

Warning: Most likely incorrect symptoms of having too much morphine in system, Forced Drug use, Talk of Congenital Heart Disease, Mention of David Rossi

"Any obsession is dangerous." — Christina Ricci

February 25, 2006

There was always an Unsub that stayed with an agent more than others.

The man who killed Zelena for Alexander and then later the people who took Zoe and Zarah.

The UnSub who killed the parents of those three children, Connie, Georgie, and Alicia Galen for David Rossi.

The UnSub who started Gideon's obsession with birds for Jason Gideon.

The Boston Reaper for Hotch.

For Max Ryan, it was the Keystone Killer.

It was one of Zelena's last cases before she was forced back to Viriginia to work at her desk where she found the man who would end up killing her.

Ryan was giving his lecture about his book, House of Horror: The Hunt for the Keystone Killer in Washington DC

"At the end of his two-year killing spree, seven women were dead. He made a name for himself. Literally. He sent out written communication identifying himself as the Keystone Killer. These letters, all of which were accompanied by a word search puzzle, were part of his game Like Son of Sam, he taunted the police. He fueled the media's fascination with him. he left specific crime scene details in the word puzzles. And then, twenty years ago, he just stopped killing. Now, one of the Philadelphia PDs theories was that he was in jail on an unrelated charge. But this is a man who craves attention. He could not remain a faceless prisoner for so long. Another theory was that he had simply moved away and he continued killing in another city or another country. But the FBI's ViCAP program tracks murders and murderers all around the world and they turned up nothing."

He pushed a button on the slideshow he was showing, showing a close-up of hands knotted together. "This intricate knot was part of his signature. It's a signature we have never seen repeated. Another theory was that he had died, which is the only explanation for why a compulsive psychopath would stop killing. As you'll see in the book, But I never believed he was a psychopath who had to do this. I believe he is a narcissistic sociopath who chooses to."

He showed a young woman with short brown hair. "This is his last victim. Amy Jennings. She was twenty-three. Her infant son was in the next room when she was killed. So uh..." His memory briefly wandered to one of his former proteges... this was her last case in the field... "even if he thinks he's finished, he still has a debt to pay."

Ryan signed some copies of his book to a fan before turning to Gideon who he had taught everything he knew.

"You look comfortable up there. Why don't you come back to the BAU for a guest lecture?

"I'm retired, remember?

"Hell of a way to relax." Gideon said, the same thing he told Rossi when he started writing books after his retirement. "Three hundred and twenty-three pages on the one that got away."

"He hasn't gotten away. And you didn't count that eight-page prologue." Ryan said.

"What happened to Florida? Thirty-six holes a day?

"No, Florida's too humid. Zoe’s right. Florida… not for people like us.” Max Ryan said, “How’s she doing?”

“Just like Zelena and Alexander.” Gideon replied.

“So, stubborn, reckless, too smart for her own good, violent?”

Gideon shrugged.

"Anyway, I'd miss the seasons. So I'm in Philadelphia now."

You're in Philadelphia for the 'seasons'?" Gideon asked.

"You think I'm, what, dysfunctional? Obsessed?" Ryan asked.

"You want to eat where the killer eats, sleep where he sleeps?"

"Maybe I'm addicted to Pat's Steaks. Maybe I'm holding out hope that the Eagles will turn it around next season." Ryan suggested.

"Remember weapons of mass destruction?" Gideon asked.

"What are you saying? You think I'm chasing a ghost?"

"I'm saying sometimes we get it wrong. You ever consider that?"

"I've considered everything." Ryan said, sharply. "So, how are things at BAU? Anything changed since I left? Other than Zoe."

"Everything changes, everything stays the same. You know how it is." Gideon said, vaguely.

"Miss me?"

"No."

"Just here to buy a book, then, huh?"

"What can I say? Profilers, they fascinate me." Gideon said, sarcastically.

A guard came up to Ryan and handed him a piece of paper in an orange file, "Sorry to interrupt, but this is for you." Ryan took it and thanked him.

He opened the file as Gideon said, "Fan mail."

"Fan mail. How do you like that?" Ryan said and he unfolded the paper to find a familiar word puzzle. He got up and went back to the guard, "Wait a minute. Hey, who gave this to you?"

"I don't know. Guy in a blue jacket." The guard said.

Ryan then attacked the first guy he saw with a blue jacket but the guard was on him,

"That's not the guy. Hey, it's not the guy." And when Ryan let him go he escorted the guy out, "Sorry, sir. Misunderstanding."

Gideon took the paper from Ryan. "Who in his mind has not probed the black water? We're like two volumes of the same book, Max. Why don't we add a few more chapters?" He read aloud. "Is this from him? The Keystone Killer?"

"Son of a bitch was right here." Ryan snapped, handing Gideon two more things in the file—the IDs of two of the Keystone Killer's victims. "You still think I'm after a ghost?"

——————————————————————————————————

Zoe was trying to sleep. She had been trying to sleep for eight years. She had been having nightmares for years, just from the memories she did allow herself to remember… then her phone rang. She wasn’t complaining.

Norman Maclean wrote, "It is those we live with and love and should know who elude us."

Zoe, Spencer, Elle, and Hotch walked out of the elevator, it was late on a Saturday night but Zoe hadn't had plans. She hadn't had normal "going out" plans since she was fifteen.

"So they've been here all night?" Morgan asked, referring to Max Ryan, Alexander, and Gideon.

"Apparently."

"Where else would any of us be on a Saturday night?" Elle asked, sarcastically. It's not like we have lives or anything.

"Speak for yourself." Morgan scoffed.

"Guys, we are about to meet Max Ryan. The guy responsible for catching the Boise child killer." Spencer said, "Have you ever talked to him before?"

"I've been going on cases with him since I was a toddler." Zoe said.

"He's pretty intense, brusque. Not much of a bedside manner." Hotch commented.

"Sound like anyone else we know?

"He's basically older Gideon with less manners when it comes to crime." Zoe said.

"I heard he was forced into early retirement." Morgan said.

"No, he chose to retire." Hotch said.

"He's written a new book on the Keystone killer case." Spencer said.

"He moved to Philadelphia to be closer to the crime scenes." Hotch added.

"That's retirement?"

“BAU style.”

“David Rossi retired at forty even though he's a workaholic who hates taking vacation days and started writing books on his cases and getting divorced from Mrs. Rossi three to fourteen. I predict he’ll come back someday.” Zoe said.

Hotch didn't doubt that.

They entered the briefing room where the new puzzle was on the screen.

Spencer read the line at the top of the paper.

"'Who in his mind has not probed the black water'?" Spencer read aloud, "John Steinbeck, East of Eden."

Zoe took the

"A story of good and evil, love and hate. A recreation of the biblical Cain and Abel told through two generations of brothers who betray one another; teaches themes that man is flawed but can find forgiveness." Zoe said.

"There's been some new activity on the Keystone Killer case." Max said.

"New?" Elle asked.

"He was at Max's lecture last night." Gideon said.

"What?" Morgan asked, "He got away?"

"Would we have woken you up if we caught him?" Ryan asked

"Ryan." Zoe said, sternly, giving him a look, "I see you still didn't learn basic manners during retirement."

"He handed this letter to the security guard." Gideon said.

"And he included two driver's licenses with it." Ryan added.

"One is from his last victim."

"Last known victim." Ryan interrupted.

"Amy Jennings, strangled in 1985." Alexander recalled.

"His last victim." Zoe corrected and when Ryan opened his mouth to speak, she interrupted him. "He is an attention-seeking narcissist, if he continued killing he'd want you to know and he'd brag about it. He'd taunt you about it like with this."

Spencer was looking intently at the word search, catching the hidden words at a quick pace as he mumbled under his breath.

"You see something?" Gideon asked.

"Yeah. What is the significance of 'black bra' and 'grey wool socks'?" Spencer asked.

"That's what Amy Jennings was wearing when we found her." Ryan said.

"That's a lot of detail to remember for 20 years. The Green River Killer couldn't remember where the bodies were buried, much less what they were wearing." Morgan said.

"Well, some UnSubs take pictures. Print them themselves so they can manipulate the scene, bring it to life." Hotch pointed out.

"That would explain the level of detail."

Spencer was still muttering under his breath before asking, "Does 'no fight' and 'rear window' have anything to do with the Jennings case?"

"No. He entered in through the front door. There's ample evidence that Amy fought him very hard." Ryan said. "No, he's referring to a new victim there."

"The second driver's license?" Elle guessed.

"Carla Bromwell." Zoe said.

"Yeah, there's a 'C. Bromwell' here in the puzzle.

"Philly P.D. went to the address on the license a little while ago. Found her suffocated with a plastic bag."

Zoe looked at him. She remembered hearing the words from inside the womb. They were always strangled.

"Suffocated? His previous victims were strangled. His MO's different." Zoe said

"He hasn't been killing all along, has he?" Elle asked.

"It would've been difficult to tie these new murders to the Keystone Killer, what with the change of methodology and the time that's elapsed between kills." Hotch said.

"If he had been active, I would have known."

"It's not entirely impossible for an UnSub to switch his MO. The Zodiac Killer went from stabbing people to shooting them." Spencer explained.

"Yes, but he wanted to take the credit. This bastard didn't do anything in secret." Ryan said.

JJ entered, carrying a cup of coffee. "I'd say good morning, but it's still dark outside." She said and placed a picture of a woman in her forties with a plastic bag over her head,

"Who's this?"

"Carla Bromwell." JJ said, "Uh, Gideon, can you put on the news?"

Gideon switched on the TV, showing the news.

"The Philadelphia Police were notified late last night of a letter that was hand-delivered to this news station. Apparently, it was written by the infamous Keystone Killer, who's wanted in connection with the murders of seven women back in the mid-1980s. He also included a photograph of a woman. She appears to be dead in the photo, suffocated with a plastic bag. Now, subsequently, police discovered a body in the Overbrook area, but they are not confirming that it's the woman in this picture."

"He works fast." Hotch said.

"That's an understatement, huh?" Gideon said.

"Meet you on the plane in thirty minutes?" Hotch said, standing and walking already.

"I'm coming with you. I'm not asking, Jason." Ryan said.

——————————————————————————————————

They were in the plane when Garcia told them, "Philly P.D. confirmed that Carla Bromwell's been dead less than twelve hours. She was forty-seven."

"Victims are getting older." Hotch commented.

"That is unusual." Morgan said.

"Victimology rarely changes." Elle said.

"Her hands and feet were bound with Flex-cuffs." Garcia told them.

"Flex-cuffs? No ropes?" Ryan asked.

"That's what they said. They're waiting at the crime scene for you." Garcia said.

"Thank you, sweetheart." Morgan said.

"Here if you need me." Garcia saluted and Morgan hung up.

"So, older victims and a different mode of binding and killing." Hotch mused.

"Well, she would've been twenty-seven when he was first active. Maybe she was a potential victim he was stalking before he retired. Also, he's twenty years older now, presumably he's not as strong as he used to be, he may have suspected that he wouldn't be able to kidnap, restrain, and strangle them." Zoe suggested.

"Maybe the note just means we have a copycat on our hands." Morgan suggested.

"A copycat who just happens to have Amy Jennings' driver's license?" Ryan asked, skeptically. "No. No, it's the Keystone Killer."

"It's got to be him." Zoe agreed, determinedly.

"Why does it have to..." Morgan asked.

"This was my mom's last case." She interrupted him, silencing him as everyone but Max Ryan and Gideon looked at her.

"She died a few months into the investigation, We convinced her it was too dangerous for her to be working the case for the safety of Zarah and Zoe." Alexander explained, "And by convinced her, I mean, convinced her not to curse and attack Ryan when he demanded she go home."

"Three weeks later she was dead.” Zoe said, bluntly.

"Still but how are we supposed to work with him?" Morgan asked, referring to Ryan. "He's not even an active agent."

"He's here because Zelena isn't." Alexander said. "He's here because he knows this case better than any of us."

"We're leading the investigation. He's only consulting." Gideon said.

"Anyone tell him that?" Morgan asked.

"Old habits die hard, I guess." Zoe said, not looking up from the words of the profile that her mother had written twenty years ago.

"Zoe..." Morgan started but Zoe looked up at him, suddenly with a steeliness to her amber eyes.

“David Rossi helped create the BAU when he was twenty-seven. He was so ambitious that he ended his second marriage over his career and yet he was forty, he 'retired’,” She used sarcastic quotation marks, “and he’s spent those nine years of 'retirement’ writing about his cases. I doubt he’ll stay in retirement by the end of the decade. He used to read case files to me and Zarah because he couldn’t take himself away from it enough. There will always be cases that stay with you and they will. The BAU worked differently back then. The team wasn’t as big. There wasn’t even a jet. One, two, or three agents per case back then, plus two highly inquisitive kids too smart and hyperactive for their own good when Dad refused to leave Zarah and me behind. It wasn’t a group effort. Everyone had to take charge, not just the Unit Chief,” She nodded at Hotch, “Or a former Unit Chief-slash-Senior Supervisory Special Agent.” She nodded at Gideon, she held the steely gaze before going back to the profile as if she hadn’t scolded Morgan at all.

——————————————————————————————————

Elle, Alexander, and Gideon entered the bedroom where Carla was found.

"FBI?" The detective asked, "Detective Charles Santangelo, Philly P.D."

"Agents Gideon, Noble, and Greenaway." Gideon introduced.

"You actually think the Keystone Killer did this?" Santangelo asked.

"Yes, we do." Ryan said, entering the room, his tone said there was no room for arguments.

"Agent Ryan." Santangelo said in recognition.

"Detective." Ryan greeted.

"Should have guessed you'd show up sooner or later." Santangelo said.

"He's consulting with us." Gideon said.

"CSI's done processing the body?" Elle asked.

"Yeah. We'll get out of your way." Santangelo said.

"Thanks." Ryan said and he looked over the body of the latest victim as Elle examined the body. "This is his eighth victim."

"There's no bruising on the wrists, ankles or neck. Just a good-sized blunt force head wound." She noted.

"Yeah, probably a surprise attack." Ryan said.

"Well, the puzzle said 'no fight'." Elle frowned.

"I know what the puzzle said." Ryan said, sharply, coming off ruder than intended.

Alexander looked at him

"Head wound is extensive." Gideon said, moving on. "Level of violence is escalating."

"Yeah." Ryan agreed.

"Pent-up rage." Alexander deduced.

"This bedroom is in the front of the house, and the puzzle mentioned a rear window." Elle mused, "Maybe he left a print."

"No way." Ryan said, definitively.

Elle scoffed softly and said, "Well, I think I'm going to check it out anyway."

"You do what you want to do, but believe me, you're wasting your time." Ryan said.

Elle scoffed again and looked at Gideon and Alexander as she passed them to do what she said anyways.

"Elle's good at this, Max." Gideon told him when Elle left.

"Did I say she wasn't?" Ryan asked.

"It's more of your tone and constant attitude." Alexander said.

"I haven't had a feeling like this around a dead body in twenty years." Ryan said.

"I remember what you said to me on my first day." Gideon said and quoted him, "'Don't lose your objectivity. This isn't personal'."

"Yeah, well, maybe not for you." Ryan said.

"You're not the only one." Alexander said, sharply.

——————————————————————————————————

Spencer, Hotch, and Zoe walked up the stairs and into another room of the house as Spencer snapped the white gloves on his hands.

"What do you think of Ryan?" Spencer asked.

"He hasn't changed much." Hotch said.

"Still a buzzkill." Zoe deadpanned.

"I think we can learn a lot from him." Spencer remarked.

"What could you possibly learn that you don't already know?" Hotch asked.

"Hotch, repetitive thinking is a death knell for the brain." Spencer explained. "For complete brain usage, diverse stimulation is the key."

"Agent Valdez?" Santangelo asked, spotting her and recognizing the resemblance between Zoe and her mother.

“Doctor Zoe Noble-Valdez. I’m Zelena Valdez’s daughter.” Zoe said.

"Look at this." Spencer said, walking to what he spotted.

It was another word puzzle. Zoe refrained from making a remark that the killer might've run out of word search ideas.

Spencer placed the paper in a plastic bag as Hotch said, "Let's go show this to everyone."

They joined the rest of the team and Hotch said, "Found another note." And he handed it to Ryan.

"In order for the light to shine so brightly, the darkness must be present." Ryan read.

"He's quoting Sir Francis Bacon now." Zoe said with an annoyed sighed.

"Yeah. I use this specific quote in my..."  Ryan started.

"In your book, on page one-eighty-four." Spencer finished. Ryan looked at him, confused, so Spencer stammered, "I-I read it on the plane.

"And you remember the page number of the quote?" Ryan asked.

"Don't ask." Morgan asked.

"You remember how Mom could read fast?" Zoe asked, "Spencer can read even faster."

"He says to expect another gift in two days." Hotch said.

"A gift?" Elle asked.

"Calls his victims gifts." Gideon said.

"Gifts for whom?" Elle asked.

"For me." Ryan said.

——————————————————————————————————

They were back at the Philadelphia police station and Hotch said to the team and Santangelo, "A lot of things have changed in 20 years, including the age of the Keystone Killer's victims.

"He's older. His victims are older." Santangelo said. "Makes sense to me."

"Most UnSubs have specific fantasies. It's as if they're killing the same person over and over again." Hotch explained. "This man clearly had a preference for young brunettes, and now he's switched to older women."

"Well, what does that mean?" Santangelo asked.

"Ted Bundy only killed women that looked like his fiancée. But then he devolved and he brutally attacked a house full of sorority sisters that looked nothing like his previous victims. He went off script." Spencer explained.

"Bundy's final victim was a twelve-year-old girl. When police found the van that he used to kill her, the amount of blood revealed that he had lost complete control." Zoe explained, "It was that de-evolution that eventually led to his capture." Santangelo looked at her and she summed up, "He could be de-evolving into a frenzy."

"So you mean he's about to mess up?"

"Maybe. Maybe not" Zoe shrugged, simply.

"The Keystone Killer's de-evolution is only a theory." Morgan said. "We need to be prepared for anything."

"And if he is in a frenzy, there's no telling how quickly he'll fall apart." Hotch added.

"Or how many more victims he'll take with him." Gideon said.

"So, we're going to go over everything we know, old and new, and hopefully find him before we find another body." Hotch said.

"We'll start with Agent Ryan and Agent Valdez's original profile." Gideon said, "Max, you want to present it?"

"No." Ryan said and walked off.

Zoe rolled her eyes and sighed. "Well, while he continues to brood and be helpful to absolutely no one, I guess, I'll give it. I remember hearing it."

"You weren't born yet." Morgan said.

"I had ears, didn't I?" She asked and gave out the profile, "We're looking for a white male in his late forties. The controlled crime scenes, the meticulousness and his collection of trophies suggests a possible military background. We believe he's been living in the same geographic area his entire adult life..."

Gideon had followed Ryan to speak to him while Zoe continued to give the profile.

"I thought you were going to present the profile." Ryan said.

"Team can handle it." Gideon dismissed.

"The team. We used to work solo or in duos or trios when this all started." Ryan said.

"Well, we were wrong." Gideon said.

"You don't worry about too many cooks?" Ryan asked.

"Nope. That's what Zelena always said, right?"

"He used a quote, Jason." Ryan blurted out, "He used a quote from my book."

"So? Maybe it's a coincidence." Gideon said, but didn't actually believe it.

"We've both been doing this too long to believe that." Ryan said and he went to turn back into the room when he came face to face to Zoe.

“He’s a narcissist who thinks he’s the best serial killer of his time because he was never caught. Of course, he was going to read your book. So stop moping around and criticizing the group’s dynamic and actually do what you came to do. Consult.” She said, bluntly and turned and went back to the team.

"All right, let's focus on the differences in the crimes." Hotch said to the team who were brainstorming, "What's he doing that's new?"

"Well, his latest victim was hit in the head. That's new." Elle said.

"In the word puzzle he said she didn't fight, so why hit her?" Morgan asked as Spencer drew circles around the word searchs that were tapes on the other side of the glass crime board. "Scare her? Show her he's in charge?"

"Well, he never did that before." Hotch said.

"A blow that hard wouldn't scare her. You see the bruising around the wound? It would just knock her unconscious." Zoe said, glancing at the photos on the board but she went back to what she was doing which was staring intently at the word puzzles.

"But why? In order to control her?" Hotch asked.

"Well, he switched from using rope to Flex-cuffs." Gideon said, staring at said photos, "The intricate knot was part of his signature."

"Flex-cuffs are easier. Probably saved him time." Morgan suggested.

"No, no, no, no. It's more than that. The rope was meticulously tied. It was intimate. Completely unnecessary." Gideon said.

"And he abandoned the rope and the use of his bare hands, which makes his kills less personal and less controlling." Elle said.

"Okay. Seriously, guys, let's just abandon all this. Let's just treat him like he's a new offender." Morgan suggested as Zoe was pointing and muttering to Spencer.

"He isn't." Gideon said.

"Guys, we have a name." Spencer said, circling the name.

"Nibrahs. That's a name? From what country?" Elle asked.

"It's backwards. S. Harbin." Zoe explained, "There's a Scott Harbin on the original suspect list."

"It's not Scott Harbin." Ryan interjected. Zoe sighed, very loudly and slowly, not turning around to look at him, clearly irritated but Ryan continued as Zoe continued to stare at the word search. "Harbin went to jail in 1988 for stabbing a guy while he was trying to escape during a home invasion. The guy later died. Harbin didn't even know there was anyone at home at the time he broke in."

"How long did he get?"

"Thirty years."

"So, that makes him a little more than halfway done." Gideon said.

"Unless he's been paroled." Hotch said, as he used to be a lawyer.

"No. No, that's too easy." Ryan said. "I interviewed Harbin, twice. He's a pervert. He's a small-time burglar with a fetish for lingerie. I mean, he's a creep, but he is not the Keystone Killer. Believe me, our guy has not been in jail all these years."

Zoe still didn't look away from the word search.

"All right, I'm going to call Garcia." Morgan said. "See what she can dig up on this guy."

"He's not the guy!" Ryan all but yelled, leaving the room in an awkward silence, broken only by Zoe's sarcasm.

"Well, if you think so. Let's just ignore the possible lead." Zoe said, sarcastically, finally turning to look at him with her arms crossed. Ryan stepped out of the room.

"Jason, what are we doing here?" Hotch asked.

"What do you mean?" Gideon asked.

"Well, is Ryan interested in catching the Keystone Killer or just proving he's right?" Hotch asked.

——————————————————————————————————

Scott Harbin had been paroled three months ago and missed his last appointment with his parole officer and they got his address from Garcia.

The SWAT team busted down the door.

"FBI! SWAT!"

Scott Harbin took off in a run towards his back door but the back door swung open, revealing Zoe in front of Harbin in his ill-advised run.

“Valdez…” He said before Elle tackled him to the ground. He looked up at Zoe, “Didn’t you die?”

“Doctor Zoe Noble-Valdez.” Zoe corrected. “Zelena Valdez was my mother.”

“Right, you’re the one who she said kicked whenever there was scumbag lying to her.” He said.

“I’ll still kick you if you lie.”  She promised.

“At least, you’re pretty.” He said and tried to look her up and down.

Ryan grabbed Harbin and pulled him back, aggressively, bringing him face to face to Alexander who looked like he was about to murder him for his comment.

"Don't bloody look at my daughter like that."

"You missed an appointment, Scotty." Zoe said, not phased by the comment towards her.

"They send the FBI now for parole violations?" Harbin asked, sarcastically.

"Yeah, we were in the neighborhood." Alexander growled, pushing Harbin away from his daughter.

——————————————————————————————————

"You okay?" Spencer asked Zoe.

Zoe looked at him and chuckled bitterly, shaking her head, "Trust me, far from the first time a convicted pervert has hit on me."

"I'm sorry."

"Truth of being a woman." She remarked and she moved away to search the apartment.

"What do you think?" Gideon asked, nearby.

"I don't know." Ryan said, honestly.

"Zoe?" Alexander asked.

Zoe bit her lip for a few moments, deep in thought. “I don’t know. Obsessive, yes. Definitely someone who needs to be in control but… nothing that screams attention-seeking narcissist. And…” She chewed her lip, “I feel like we’re missing something that’s in plain sight.”

"Everything has its place." Gideon agreed. "Probably comes from years of solitude, huh?

"And a strict upbringing. I mean, this is a guy who likes to be alone." Elle added. "Sharing a jail cell must've been a nightmare."

"This place is a neat freak nightmare for me." Zoe remarked, not being as neat as her mother had been by a long shot.

"Are you finished?" Harbin asked.

Zoe turned to him, her eyes immediately flaring with anger at him.

Her tone was condescending and a thinly veiled anger was evident in her voice.

"What, did I make you angry? Did I upset you?" She walked closer to him, there was a swagger to her step that conveyed danger. "What, you're going to hurt me?"

I'm not stupid.

Zoe smiled patronizingly at him. “Sure, you’re not, Scotty. But I can read you like a book. You wouldn’t hurt me here. You’d wait. Sneak up behind me and hit me over the head just when I’m not looking. But that wouldn’t work on me. I’ve dealt with men like you my whole life. You’re not special. You’re not unique. You’re a dime-a-dozen misogynistic pervert. I’ve met men like you who are as unique as you think you are. That can strike fear into an entire city. That can get control over me. That can get control over FBI agents. Make them fear him. But that’s not you. You’re nothing, Scotty.” Scott could see a merciless coldness in her that Zelena hadn’t had. A brutality in her words. A craziness in her eyes. Like she was capable of striking that kind into someone. “What’s the matter, Scotty? Can’t deal with a woman who’s not afraid of you? Because I’ve looked pure evil in the face and didn’t show him fear. Now, you?” She scoffed like it wasn’t even worth trying to compare them. She hated the praise her words would actually give him. That was how much control he had forced upon her.

Zoe walked off and started to knock books off of shelves.

"You okay?" Spencer's voice asked.

"What do you mean?" She asked sharply and Spencer avoided her eyes. She softened, "Sorry."

"Got a little hot."

"Did I say anything that wasn't true?"

"No... and I don't know. I'm sorry."

"What?" She asked but she knew what.

"That whoever he was hurt you."

"It was a long time ago."

"Yes, it was."

"Well, then, I guess I'm fine."

"You know that's not how it works." Spencer told her.

"Hey! Little help!" Morgan's voice shouted

Scott Harbin had a woman tied up, hidden in a hollow storage under his bed and Zoe had run to her when Morgan shouted. She thought perhaps a woman's face may put the woman at a little more ease and checked on her until the ambulance arrived.

"Single, obsessive, military background." Gideon said to Ryan as the local police arrested Harbin. "Fits your profile."

"But he keeps his victim in his house? He's that far off script?"

"Am I a dime-a-dozen pervert?" Harbin called to Zoe.

"Yes. Now you're a dime-a-dozen kidnapper-rapist. Still nothing special." Zoe told him, barely looking at him like he was so common, she didn't even bother spending time on him.

"Ryan." Morgan said, picking up a piece of paper on the car window. "It's got your name on it."

Ryan read it aloud, "Isn't Scott Harbin an inelegant creature? A monster. There is no light with him. No balance. He is pure evil. Balance is what gives one mercy. You'll be reminded of my brand of mercy tomorrow, Max."

"What does that mean?" Morgan asked.

"Scott Harbin's a predator, just not the one we're looking for."  Gideon responded and went to the closest officer, "Cordon off the area. At least a six-block radius. Someone must have seen this guy.

“He’s watching us.” Zoe said, looking around.

“Sweetheart, you okay?” Alexander asked, coming to her, speaking in a low tone.

“At least, it’s not Boston.” She muttered and walked to her motorcycle.

——————————————————————————————————

They entered the police station as Morgan said, "Well, that's got to be a first. A killer actually leading us to another killer."

"Come on, we all know they make the best profilers. They admire each other's work." Gideon said.

"Yeah, but usually from afar." Elle said.

"Well, at least we got Harbin off the street." Hotch said as they entered the room they had been using where Zoe already was. "All right. Let's review. What do we know about the Keystone Killer?"

"Well, we know that he's not dead or in jail." Elle said.

"Enjoys the taunting, the game." Gideon said.

"And he's in complete control." Morgan said.

"He strangled seven women in the 1980s, stopped for twenty years and then began again, suffocating them." Spencer said. "Ten percent of all violent crimes are caused by strangulation.

"It only takes eleven pounds of pressure to fully incapacitate your victim. And usually if you hang on for at least fifty seconds, they'll never recover." Zoe explained, gesturing by choking an imaginary neck.

"But when you suffocate someone you actually have less control over their death." Hotch said. "And it's actually more passive because the killer doesn't feel the life leaving the body.

"You know, he's changed almost everything that he does." Elle said.

"Why, why, why, why?" Gideon asked, "I mean, what's he getting out of this new MO? What is his payoff?"

Zoe had her eyes closed as she recreated each crime scene in her head. Seven women in their twenties, strangled. Then a forty-seven-year-old woman with a blow to the head and a plastic bag over her head.

"You got Carla Bromwell. She sustains a significant head injury. Blitz attacks suggest disorganization, no self-confidence." Gideon listed, " This is a guy who walks into seven victims' homes prior to this. There was no forced entry at any of the scenes. Where's the loss of confidence?"

Zoe suddenly heard a rattling sound in something hollow... plastic. A flicker of fleeting memory in the sea of her lost memories. Then she saw the blurry image of him standing over her in the mask, staring down at her. She wasn't sure if she could trust the strand of hope so if these were her last moments, he would have to look her in the eyes. She remembered feeling the blood flow out of her body as swiftly as the strength left her body. Only because she was losing blood.

She opened her eyes with the answer, not noticing how Spencer was looking at her.

"He would never change the way he kills by choice." She said.

"What?" Gideon asked.

"We've been operating under the assumption that he purposely changed his MO." Zoe explained.

"You say he changed because he had to change?" Alexander asked.

"When-when I was stabbed, the only time I stopped fighting when I was on the verge of blacking out from blood loss. It wasn't because I was choosing to stop but because I physically couldn't." Zoe explained.

"He knocked her unconscious, and it wasn't to scare her." Morgan realized.

"Because he couldn't control her physically while she's awake."

"He could be incapacitated." Ryan said.

"At least partially." Gideon said.

Zoe's memory flashed back to when he pistol-whipped her with his revolver.

"Maybe an injury. Or a stroke." Zoe suggested.

"Either way, you're going to have to have medical records. Agreed?" Gideon said.

"Yep." Zoe confirmed. "An injury that would've lasted twenty years would've required serious medical care."

"So what are we talking about? This had to have happened after the middle of 1985 in Philadelphia?" Morgan asked.

"Somebody who fits the rest of the profile." Gideon said.

"That's a lot of hospital records."

"Well, luckily, one of us is a medical doctor and one of us can read two thousand words per minute." Zoe said, she patted Spencer's leg and got up, not noticing how Spencer had flinched and blushed.

"You sure you can get access." Morgan asked.

"Medical records are often shared electronically between healthcare providers. This allows doctors to access a patient's most recent health info, which can help them provide better care." She recited, "But first, I need some caffeine. I'll be back in twenty minutes."

——————————————————————————————————

Zoe didn't return twenty minutes later.

Twenty minutes later, she had a to-go cup holder of coffees and a hot chocolate for her. She had requested extra sugar for Spencer and then added several sugar packets. She was cutting through an alley, the same one she had used to get to the cafe quicker but there was something different on her way back.

Zoe stopped walking when she passed a connecting alleyway that led to a dead-end. It had been bare bricks before but now there was a noticeable white object against the maroon bricks that she had spotted in her peripheral vision and having taken a moment to process it.

She stepped backwards a few times and looked down the attached alley and on the wall of the dead end was a word search.

She gulped; this was most likely a trap. She looked around and took her phone out and took a picture of it from afar. She opened her messenger bag and placed the cup holder in it so she could use both hands and she took out her butterfly knife from inside her jacket and put it between her teeth so she could draw her gun and approach it. She didn’t sense anyone behind her. She took a photo of the word search up close before putting her phone in her pocket. She took her knife out from between her teeth and pressed it against the paper as she examined the puzzle, the words lighting up for her convenience in her mind.

Beauty and brains are a dangerous combination in the hands of a woman—especially one so undeniably skilled with a sword as sharp as her wit.

No great mind has ever existed without a touch of madness.

Never underestimate the power of a Valdez woman’s intuition… Valdez women can recognize your game before you even start playing it.

Zelena had said that after one of her biggest cases.

Z. Valdez.

Denim.

Blouse.

Black undershirt.

Badge.

Waist.

Got away.

October, thirty-first.

Axe.

Chest.

Passionate.

Intelligent.

Brave.

Selfless.

“Mom.” She breathed out, her voice broke slightly.

"LOOK OUT!” She heard Zelena’s voice shout in her head and Zoe threw herself to the side, just missing being pistol-whipped in the head.

The cup holder tumbled on the ground, spilling everywhere from on Zoe's clothes to on the ground. She saw an ordinary-looking man but she knew there was no ordinary-looking man.

"You're as beautiful as your mother." Said the man. "

It's you." She gasped and in an impulse decision, she stabbed her knife into the wall through the blank sides of the paper, and turned to run to get some distance, the butt of the pistol hit her back, making her stumble before she tripped and fell.

She wasn't as vulnerable to a blow to the head as most people were.

She grabbed her gun; she wasn’t far from the police station, and she aimed it at a nearby wall and shot three times before the UnSub hit her upside the head.

——————————————————————————————————

Some of the team went to investigate the reports of hearing gunshots near the station while JJ did a press conference.

"There's another puzzle." Spencer noted but he was more concerned with the knife in the wall next to it. Why was that knife familiar? It was a unique knife. It was light blue with laser engraved flowers on the handle. His eyes went to the note that made his heart race but not in the way it did when Zoe was around.

“There are definitely signs of a struggle.” Gideon determined as Spencer looked at the note.

“Uh… has anyone managed to get a hold of Zoe?” Spencer’s voice wavered.

“Why?” Alexander asked, sharply.

“Valdez. Hispanic. Catholic-Pagan. PTSD." He read.

“It also describes Zelena.” Alexander noted, trying to stay calm.

“She had PTSD?” Spencer asked.

"Never mind that! I don't know where both my children are!" He shouted, taking out his phone.

——————————————————————————————————

Zoe's phone rang on the table but she couldn't reach it, she was tied to a chair with flex-cuffs. Zoe didn't even glance at it, she refused to break eye contact with the UnSub as he picked up the phone.

"Your dad's that other agent?"

Zoe didn't speak and not just because of the gag in her mouth. He had already tried to suffocate her but realized that she could hold her breath much longer than any of his other victims and she kept on mocking him, unafraid of pain, in fact, she barely registered it.

He held out her phone and took a picture of her in the chair and he sent it to Alexander.

——————————————————————————————————

"Oh my god!" Alexander gasped.

"What?"

He showed them his phone which had a picture of Zoe tied up to a chair with flex cuffs and a gag in her mouth, she was awake and utterly glaring at the man behind the camera.

"He took her. He took my baby!" He cried.

——————————————————————————————————

Carla Bromwell's brother confronted JJ who responded with sympathy, knowing what it was like to lose a sister.

The reporters blamed Max Ryan but JJ protested the accusation, stating to blame was to be put on one member.

Ryan watched the press conference from the station.

"I'd hate to be standing out there in front of those jackals." He said.

"Well, JJ, she can hold her own." Elle said.

"You're all better at the press thing than we ever were." Ryan stated.

"Well, we have a lot more of it to deal with now.

"Zelena used to do it but Valdez women tend to have a searing wit."

"I've noticed." Elle said, they had been informed that Zoe was missing now.

"They need someone to blame. I guess it's me.

"Are you okay with that?" Elle asked.

"Well, the fact is, I haven't been able to solve the case. Zelena died twenty years ago by another murderer who also got away. So I'm an easy target. But if I... If we do close it, that'll all go away."

"And you think you'll be able to? You know, just walk away?" Elle asked.

"Well, I won't have any choice."

"But don't you want to? I mean, don't you get to a certain point where you want to relax?" Elle asked, "Maybe spend some time with your family?"

"Family? I lost that a long time ago. I haven't even seen them in years. This job tends to ruin family. Not just mine. And if I hadn’t pulled Valdez off the case… maybe that UnSub wouldn’t have killed her.”

“There’s no way you could’ve know that.”

“You don’t know do you? Zoe was born a stillborn due to the stress Zelena was under in her final days. The doctors barely got her heart beating again, then we learned she had a heart defect because her heart rate was rapid, her pulse was weak, her breathing was fast, and her skin was blue because she wasn’t getting enough oxygen.”

Elle was shocked by this news. But it further explained Alexander's overprotectiveness of Zoe.

“She seems fine now.”

“Yeah, she got heart surgery a week later but… she’s not exactly lucky.” Ryan said, “Maybe I should’ve made Zelena take off…”

“She’s never mentioned that.” Elle said.

“The BAU also doesn’t employ people easily willing to admit their weaknesses or with the relaxing kind of mentality. I’ve known Zoe since her birth and she’s never been one to admit her weaknesses. She’s too smart for her own good. Zelena was the same way.”

"What was she like?"

"Smart. Ambitious but moral. Obsessive. Bookish. The type A sort. Zarah was more like her but there's a lot of her in Zoe. Selfless. Hyper-competent. Stronger than she knows. I had to force her to desk duty because she kept ignoring her pregnancy symptoms and shouting at people when they pointed it out."

"Sounds like Zoe." Elle said.

"Well, we've got some records to go through."

——————————————————————————————————

They had to have Garcia get the records and they all went through them to find their missing team member.

"Something debilitating enough to lose strength permanently." Hotch said, "I'm still thinking stroke."

What they needed was Zoe!

"You know, Ryan's profile puts the UnSub in his late twenties. Isn't that too young for a massive stroke?" Morgan asked.

"Technically, you're never too young for a stroke." Spencer explained. Eighty percent of strokes are ischemic. The other twenty percent are hemorrhagic, which usually result in death. Ischemic strokes occur when plaque builds up in the arteries, causing restricted vessels to be blocked by a blood clot."

"Okay, but doesn't it take years for that type of plaque to build up?" Morgan asked.

"Uh, typically." Spencer nodded.

"Well, then, like I said, he was too young."

"Did you know that stroke victims who play virtual reality games show significant advances in recovery than those who don't?" Spencer asked, but no one cared. Zoe wasn't there.

He looked past them where Alexander was pacing looking like he was going to have a stroke himself.

"Now, here's somebody. In 1987 he was thirty, single, dishonorable discharge." Hotch said.

"That's a good start. What was the injury?" Morgan asked.

"Broken neck. Intense physical therapy for nine years." Hotch read.

"What's he been doing since?"

-Oh, never mind. The guy moved to the Florida Keys. He's a scuba instructor." Hotch said and lowered the file. "He's got the right idea."

In the other room, Gideon tried to help Ryan lessen his guilt so Ryan confessed what Zoe had already deduced from the start.

"You see, Jason, somewhere, I think in my subconscious, I hoped that writing this book would draw him out. That he missed the attention. And maybe... Maybe I wanted to play his game." He confessed.

"You had no idea he'd kill again."

"No, but he did! And now there's another woman out there in danger and he took Zoe." Ryan said.

"Zoe knows how to survive. She's been doing it for a long time. She's been kidnapped and beat the statistics every time. That's why we taught her. She has memories from inside the womb. She knows this case not from the files but because she heard Zelena talking about it. And just like her, you know this man better than he knows himself. You always have. Now you've got an advantage. You got a team of the most incredible agents in the world out there. And you're standing here alone. If you let us, we'll help you find him."

——————————————————————————————————

Zoe had deduced what the team was about to come to as a conclusion.

"Car accident?" She asked once he had taken the gag out after she hadn't suffocated like he wanted for the fifth time now.

"What?"

"You were in a car accident and that's why you stopped killing... wasn't it?"

"How do you know that?"

"I'm a doctor and I'm damn good at it."

——————————————————————————————————

"Elle is running down injuries on college campuses." Hotch told the team, "The guy's well-read. He may have been a professor."

"There are just too many hospitals, clinics, long-term care facilities. We'd be sifting through records for weeks." Spencer sighed.

"Oh, come on. There's got to be some way to narrow down the search, right?" Morgan asked.

"Well, we've ruled out a stroke and half the hospitals don't even say how the accident occurred." Hotch said.

"Accidents?" The word struck an idea in Spencer. "In America, someone's involved in a car accident once every ten seconds."

"Car accidents with injuries would all be reported by the police." Gideon said.

"We profiled him driving a late-model American-made sedan." Ryan said.

"All right, so how about I get Garcia to check Philly P.D. records for accidents involving American-made sedans and serious injury?" Morgan suggested.

"It's a long shot." Ryan sighed.

"It's a shot." Alexander said, sharply and turned to Morgan, "what are you waiting for?"

"Start with 1985. If it was an accident, it stopped him in his tracks." Gideon said.

They narrowed it down to an incident that happened on I-95 by the airport, near Anders street where Carla Bromwell had lived back then. His name was Walter Kern.

——————————————————————————————————

"Walter Kern had a military background. ROTC in high school. Four years in the Air Force." Morgan told the remaining team.

"Hospital records show that he lost mobility in his right side due to severed nerve damage to his spinal cord." Spencer observed, taking place of the well of medical knowledge with Zoe missing.

"He never got the strength back." Ryan noted.

"Kern's been a county worker, claims adjuster, and get this, he installed home alarms with Scott Harbin." Hotch read.

"Takes one to know one." Alexander said, bitterly.

"All those jobs allowed him access to people's homes." Spencer said.

"Explains why there's no sign of forced entry. He had a legitimate reason to knock on the door." Morgan pointed out.

"Women felt comfortable letting him inside."

"He got a degree in criminology from Villanova in 1985. I wonder if he murdered anyone on campus." Elle said.

"That certainly explains his knowledge of law enforcement." Gideon said.

"Great, so we're all agreed this is the guy? Please tell me there's a current address." Alexander said, hurriedly.

"575 Wight Street, Southeast Philadelphia." Ryan said and whispered, "I got you, you son of a bitch." Alexander snatched the paper from Ryan. "We got him. Let's go bring him in."

——————————————————————————————————

Zoe was doped up but unfortunately for her kidnapper, she had spent eight months being constantly drugged, so she had built up a tolerance, even five years later. A few weeks into her kidnapping, she had found that the drugs made her hallucinations… she didn’t quite know the word… it was like it enhanced her subconscious awareness, creating a sort of Mind Palace that stayed with her to this day, a way of thinking. It was either that or her subconscious was trying to tether her to reality in an odd way.

She looked up, she was lightheaded more so from the attempts to strangle her before the killer realized that was easier said than done, since he wasn’t strong enough to keep pressure around her neck and she apparently could hold her breathe for an extended period of time and unlike his other victims, she remained calm when the bag was over her head before he threatened to shoot her in which she sucked the bag in and bit through it before doing a simple breathing technique that stopped her heartbeat for just a few seconds, long enough for him to think she was dead. But she was still locked to the chair, staring at the ceiling, her mind fighting for a chance but she was stuck back when she was twelve, reliving what little she remembered.

As she came down from a flashback with a jolt. She tried to think, if only, she wasn’t in danger of an overdose and random thoughts wouldn’t keep popping up in her head like, it’d be easier to think if these jeans could breathe easier!

Then it hit her. Jeans! My belt!

She pulled her belt loose, she snaked it between her hand and the arm of the chair and she secured it to the other end of the belt in a full loop, she put her foot in it and kicked out, snapping the flex-cuff off, and then the same to the other and she pulled at the plastic bag over her head, ripping the small hole until it was big enough to fit her head through and she absent-mindedly left it around her neck as she staggered to the door... bumot she couldn't open it. She fell down, he dosed her with way more morphine than was safe. She may had a tolerance but it still affected her.

She laid next to the door as her eyes closed... just for a minute...

——————————————————————————————————

The team, SWAT, and the police officers got to Kern's address. Gideon rang the doorbell once. No answer. He rang it again. Still no answer. Ryan reached for his gun when a woman answered.

"How can I help you, gentlemen?" She asked, politely though confused.

"I'm Special Agent Jason Gideon. This is Special Agent Max Ryan and Special Agent Alexander Noble with the FBI." Gideon introduced them, "Can we speak with Walter Kern?"

"He's not here right now." The woman said.

"Do you know where he is?" Alexander asked, urgently.

"Is something wrong?" She asked.

"Could we come inside?"

Walter's wife, Anne let them inside and she explained where he was, or where she thought he was. "Walter's at the Pinewood Community Center working with the Boy Scouts. He volunteers as one of the leaders."

Gideon took out his phone to call Hotch.

"Would it be possible for us to search the house, ma'am?" Ryan asked.

"Hotch, he's at the Pinewood Community Center." Gideon told Hotch through the phone.

"What for?" Anne asked.

"We've been called in to investigate the murders of several women here in Philadelphia." Ryan explained, "That's why we need to talk to him."

"That is the craziest thing I've ever heard." Anne scoffed and she looked at the faces of the three men, seeing they were all dead serious and she stood up, "And I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Now."

"Could you answer one question for us, Mrs. Kern?" Alexander asked, "Does your husband have an area here in the house that you're never supposed to go into? A place that you're not supposed to see?"

"Walter has a darkroom." Anne said.

"If he knew you were in there, would he become so angry that you fear he could hurt you?" Alexander asked.

"He... just doesn't want me to ruin his pictures, that's all." She tried to dismiss.

"Mrs. Kern, has your husband ever suffered from long periods of depression?" Ryan asked.

"Yes, after his car accident." She said, her voice becoming far away from anxiety of what this could mean.

"And did he suddenly just snap out of it, for no apparent reason?"

"What does all this mean?" She asked in a small voice, clearly fearful.

"Could you show us the room, Mrs. Kern?"

"Please. We suspect he may have kidnapped my daughter. She's only twenty." Alexander pleaded.

Anne nodded and went to show them the way.

——————————————————————————————————

The SWAT used a deadbolt cutter to cut open the lock and open the cellar door. They went down and came back up, "It's clear."

Alexander nearly knocked him down as he flew down the stairs.

The rest joined him and Ryan noticed at once clippings of newspaper.

"Looks like he collected every article written about him." He said, pointing.

Gideon seized a familiar-looking book and handed it to Ryan, "He's got your book."

Ryan opened the cover, "Damn it, I signed it."

"Hotch was entirely correct about the photography. This cellar's where he develops his photographs." Spencer said and then he spotted something. “He’s kept up on Zoe.” Spencer said as he found a clipping, detailing the murder of Zelena and the miraculous survival of Zoe.

“But why? Why? Zelena got off the case a month before she went into labor! Zoe!” Alexander cried, “What are you looking at!?”

He snatched another word search puzzle out of Spencer’s hand and paled even further.

The moon that’s missing her sun.

Z. Noble Valdez.

Black. Leather. Jacket.

Black. T Shirt.

Black. Plaid. Skirt.

Ripped tights.

Leather. Boots.

Mexican.  Scottish.  American.

ADHD.

PTSD.

Bipolar.

“Zoe. My baby.” Alexander breathed out and then he suddenly shouted, "Damn it, where is Zoe!? Where's my angel!?"

Behind the hidden door, Zoe jolted awake at the sound of her father's shout.

Daddy!

She started to smack the wall.

There was a soft thump. Thump. Thump.

Alexander was still for a moment before bolting to the other side of the room and tearing the articles off the wall, haphazardly before finding a lock that was covered by the articles and struggling to get a grip on it in his haste and pushed the door open, knocking Zoe over.

“Baby! Baby!” Alexander ran to his daughter’s side as she was clearly struggling; he was quickly joined by Gideon, Ryan, and Spencer.

She was sweating and pale, she had strangulation bruising around her neck, it was a darkish color from the broken blood vessels from beneath her skin, must’ve been at the most two hours ago. Her eyes were bloodshot, she had a black eye, a bruise next to her chin, and a bruise peeking out of her hairline.

“Are you… are you real…” She asked, her voice was a bit raspy from being strangled as she had pulled on Spencer’s suit.

“I’m here. We’re all here.” He said and he cupped the back of her head, “Let me see you. I think she was drugged.”

“Are her eyes pulsating? ARE HER EYES PULSATING!?” Alexander screamed.

“Uh, no?” Spencer said. “I mean, they’re a bit enlarged.”

“Med pack!” She breathed, “My med pack!”

Ryan grabbed her med pack and she slapped Spencer’s hand when he tried to take out the activated charcoal and took out the Naloxone instead and shrugged off her jacket, revealing track marks on her arm, confirming she was drugged and she injected it into herself.

She stayed still for a few moments before telling them she was fine.

“Morphine. It was only morphine. I’ve had worse. Go ahead.” She reassured them, lazily waving her hand.

"What, what happened?"

"Scrap-scrapbook." She said, standing up, she wobbled before taking a deep breath and walking... straight into the wall, she pushed off it and grabbed a scrapbook.

"My vision is still blurry." She said and handed it the book out to whoever

Gideon just barely grabbed it before it fell out of her hand.

"There's a chapter on every woman he's killed." Zoe said, looking fully past them.

Spencer took the scrapbook from Gideon and noted, "These entries are detailed enough to let him relive the kills for years."

"He has candid photographs of the victims at the park, grocery store, outside of church. Driver's license, clothing, jewelry." Gideon said.

"Those chapters in the back. They're not finished." Ryan noted.

"These photographs are at least twenty years old. I mean, look at the hairstyles, the clothing." Spencer noted and then he frowned, at first he thought it was Zoe but it couldn't have been. "Uh, Alexander..."

Alexander looked at a particularly unfinished chapter... of Zelena. She looked a lot like Zoe, only all of the pictures taken by Kern himself, Zelena was heavily pregnant but there weren't very many of her. She had done well to keep herself hidden. Zelena had a more feminine yet professional fashion sense and less of the need to radiate rebellion like Zoe did. She was wearing a denim shirt unbuttoned at the bottom to free her pregnant stomach from the denim restrictions with a black undershirt with two pairs of pink baby footprints in a heart, a denim skirt, and boots

Spencer looked up to find Zoe looking at him.

“Zelena was the same age as the victims back in the day. Then she went back to Virginia and she was killed by another killer.” Alexander said.

“Zelena could’ve been a target of his and if he followed the news on her daughters, he could easily find out that Zoe and Zarah look a lot like Zelena.”

“The one who got away.”

"His recent themes of communication have been about 'old friends', 'unfinished business.'. He said those exact things to me when he was drugging me and trying to strangle me before he realized he couldn't hang on long enough." Zoe explained.

"His car accident was in the Fairmount district of Philadelphia. That's exactly where Carla Bromwell lived." Spencer said.

"He was on the way to kill her when he had his accident." Gideon realized.

"It's not about finding a new type of victim. It's about a specific target. Zoe, you were right." Spencer said.

"Because he was such a perfectionist, and is a perfectionist, he had to finish what he started years ago." Ryan said.

"Oh, these aren't new victims, Max. They were already targeted. Right from day one." Gideon said.

"I was the only new one because Mom was killed by another killer. He thought he could get the same release by strangling me. He didn't realize I was trained to survive that. He only thought he succeeded when he threatened to shoot me with my own gun if I 'refused to die already'."

"How'd you do that?"

"I slowed my heart rate down, making him think I had suffocated when in actuality, I bit through the plastic bag and made a hole I pushed open after he left." She explained as if it were no big deal.

"Who's in that last chapter?" Ryan asked.

——————————————————————————————————

Zoe deduced she had about half an hour before the Naloxone wore off but they weren't sure when she explained it to Morgan and Elle, she had said, "He planned his victims back then, back to the future, and killed them now in Back to the Future two. He's not continuing, he's finishing what he started."

"What's wrong with you?" Morgan asked.

"I'm still a little high. It's sped up my processing speed but there's too many... too much noise." She shook her head, neurotically.

"You need to go to the hospital."

"No, what I need is to arrest this son of a bitch." She said like Morgan's reasoning was stupid.

"We believe Walter Kern is in Sylvia Gooden's home now. Hotch confirmed he left the community center hours ago and Kern's car's parked on the next block." Gideon got to the innocent life on the line.

"I want Walter Kern alive." Ryan said.

"I'll stand by for the word." A SWAT member said.

"Good. Let's move out." Gideon said. "I'll call you when we've secured Kern."

"But Zoe..."

"I'm fine!" Zoe shouted. "When I start falling down, that's when I should be pulled off the case."

Zoe was already at the door when the rest arrived, she had picked the lock and opened the door, giving Morgan a look.

When they heard screaming, Zoe took off running upstairs, drawing her gun, still her running steps were silent.

"It'll all be over soon." Kern told Slyvia.

"I agree!" Zoe's voice said before she yanked him back away from Slyvia. "The Keystone Killer's reign will be over soon."

She slammed him against the wall, stunning him enough for Morgan to grab him, pinning his arms behind his back as Zoe went to Sylvia, taking the plastic bag off her head.

"Ow! Watch my arm!" Kern shouted and kept on shouting like any of them cared.

Ryan joined Zoe in comforting the woman, "It's all right. We're the FBI."

"We got her. Sylvia Gooden's alive. We got her." Gideon said into the phone.

"Gideon! I need your cuffs, man." Morgan said, because for some reason he didn't have his.

"You're going to be fine. It's over. You're going to be fine." Zoe reassured Sylvia.

Gideon handed Ryan his handcuffs, "Why don't you do this?"

"I'll take care of her." Zoe agreed.

Morgan forced Kern up to his feet and to turn around as Zoe continued to comfort Slyvia.

Ryan turned Kern around, handcuffing him.

"You got him?" Morgan asked.

"Yeah, I got him." Ryan said.

"You know you've enjoyed this ride as much as I have, Max." Kern said.

"Well, I sure am enjoying this part of it." Ryan spat and forced him to turn around. "We are inseparable, you and me." Zoe clenched her fists. All of his notes were similar.

"Let's just test that theory, huh?" Ryam said and shoved him at an officer., "Get him out of here."

"Didn't I kill you?" Kern asked Zoe when he spotted her.

"I'm not as killable as I look." Zoe said, simply.

Zoe's naloxone started to wear off moments later as she tumbled down the stairs. Spencer helped her up and helped her towards the ambulance. The high was started to come back and her mind was starting to cloud.

They had to walk back to the ambulance because of the journalists were blocking up the street with their cars. Spencer offered to walk Zoe.

"I'm-I'm not used to morphine." She groaned after she vomited as Spencer held back her back, gently.

"It's perfectly normal to throw up after a morphine overdose. It's also normal to feel sleepy or sick or dizzy or spasms of pain in the stomach or intestinal tract."

"I've had stronger before." She muttered, wiping her mouth.

"Stronger?"

"He only dosed me to get me to stay still." She said and then chuckled, bitterly, "How else do you think it took me eight months to escape?"

"They drugged you?"

"Dilaudid."

"Dilaudid?"

"Yeah, about ten times stronger than morphine. Kept me out of it. I built up a tolerance and a life-long coping mechanism

"Stay..." She mumbled. "Please."

Spencer nodded, smiling politely and he climbed into the ambulance with Zoe as her mind got cloudier and cloudier.

"Is your hair curly?" She asked him, suddenly and he felt her hand touch his hair.

"Uh, yeah." He blushed, "don't tell anyone."

He supported her weight as they walked and she let him.

"I'm not used to morphine or walking while high." She slurred.

They finally reached the ambulance.

"Uh, please, help. My friend, she was overdosed on morphine. Her naxolone wore off. " He said and he helped her up in the back of the ambulance.

"Stay..." She said when Spencer went to leave. He nodded and sat back down to stay with her. "I hate drugs."

——————————————————————————————————

Abraham Lincoln once said, "In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."

By the end of the day, Zoe was better, the opioids were mostly out of her system, and she was allowed back on the plane... according to her personal "doctor's opinion" but none of the ones at the hospital.

"Did Jason ever tell you about the time that he found the Director's itinerary in a bomber's car?" Ryan asked.

"What? What?" Spencer asked.

"Max, come on. Come on." Gideon groaned, embarrassed.

"No, no, he never said anything, man." Morgan said.

"Well, let me fill you in, then." Ryan said, "We had this bomber case. It was one of Jason's first. So, we had him go over and search the bomber's car, which was in the Quantico garage. Except for me and the guys," Meaning Rossi, "had planted this piece of paper that had all these times and locations of where the FBI Director was going to be over the next forty-eight hours. Anyway, Jason takes one look at this piece of paper, and before we could stop him, he takes off, runs up twenty-five flights of stairs to the Director's office..."

"Get out of here." Morgan laughed.

"...barges in, interrupting a meeting with the Attorney General himself."

"The Director didn't find it very funny." Gideon deadpanned.

"He was the only one who didn't.

"Rossi said it was his idea." Zoe smiled

"It would be. He rubbed off on you." Gideon said.

Zoe knew what he was talking about. New York during a blizzard. Zoe grinned.

On the other side of the plane, Elle told Hotch, "You know he has no one? No family."

"Who's that?"

"Ryan. I mean, technically he's retired, but he hasn't seen his kids in years."

"Divorce is not uncommon in the BAU." Hotch said.

"You know the other night when you called? Saturday night? Did you think it was weird that we all just were able to drop everything and go to the office? That we're all available to you anytime you call, day or night?" Elle asked.

"No, not really." Hotch said.

"How do you do it? How do you do this job and still have a wife and a baby?" Elle asked.

"Well, when I'm with them, I try to focus a hundred percent of my attention there. And then when I'm with you guys, I try to do the same thing." Hotch explained. "It's about priorities, Elle. It's about setting them and keeping them."

"I'm just so scared I'm going to turn into that guy over there." Elle said, nodding towards Ryan. "Look up and see that my life has passed me by while I was chasing monsters."

"It's hard. This job will eat you up if you let it." Hotch admitted.

"So what do I do?"

"Find a way not to let it." Hotch said.

"He told me Zoe has a heart condition." Elle said after a moment.

Hotch looked at Elle. "I don't know much about it but apparently it was rare, she had the surgery but she still has small fits once in a while. She's perfectly fine. Gets regular checkups. Even has an inhaler to help when she feels off. But she doesn't want people to know. Doesn't want to appear weak."

"She got lucky a few times but there comes a time where you consider is it really luck when you have so much bad luck?"

*Once again, there was going to be a kiss but then as writing it, I made Zoe be more rational while high because she was used to it rather than fully loopy, there are some lines that bled through more for comedy. Sorry, if that's offensive to anyone or if I did it wrong. I decided I'll do the kiss later but definitely before Lila.*

Edited on October 23, 2024