#and actual meat again

[raddestrose]

The light, I see it (end of the quarter) I have almost escaped to freedom (Winter break) back to my fortress with my sacred texts and films (my webnovels and animated series)

[isuggestwishcraft]

partys cooking headcanons from my brain best to worst:

- bonnie: canonically good cook, proficient in the kitchen, 10/10 no notes

- isabeau: can make a couple of semi-complicated things, although often miscalculates the seasoning. given explicit instructions may be able to cook Very good dishes

- mirabelle: prone to anxiety attacks wherever the list of instructions is given or not. is able to make simple soups or dishes with very little amounts of steps

- siffrin: can successfully boil water on the stove and put/get out something in oven. mostly okay to leave in the kitchen but is Very Likely to mess up the ingredients and/or add some stuff that will make whatever he cooks inedible

- odile:

[o3o-lapd-o3o]

DINNER IS (finally) SERVED

3000ish words later and part 8 is here! hope you guys enjoy!

(p.s my headcanons explainations are in the tags if you're curious)

(p.p.s credit also goes to @rin-solo for the first headcanon )

the post/thread that started this whole au

dinner scene: part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7

there's a masterlist now!

*odysseus is making his way to the dining hall, while athena and poseidon are following behind*

poseidon: *looking around at the decorations/tapestry dotted around*

poseidon: *see’s a tapestry of what looks to be a very much younger odysseus in full king & armour attire*

poseidon: *stops walking, and turns to look at the actual odysseus in front of him, then back at the tapestry*

poseidon: *to odysseus with a sardonic tone* do your weavers like making you look like a boy, or was that a decision you made to make yourself look younger?

odysseus: *pauses his walking to see what poseidon is talking about*

athena: *also pauses and turns to poseidon*

odysseus: *sees the tapestry in question*

odysseus: *sighs* of course you point that one out 

athena: *who knew odysseus before he was king*

athena: *glaring at poseidon* uncle, you shouldn’t make assumptions, especially when you don’t know the facts

odysseus: *pats athena on the shoulder as he passes her*

odysseus: it’s fine athena

odysseus: *next to poseidon and looking up at the tapestry* if you must know, that is actually the age i was. 

poseidon: *not believing him* yeah right, you couldn’t be older than fifteen in this

odysseus: *turns to him with a sharp look* you’re correct, i was fifteen

poseidon: *slightly wary of odysseus’ mood* so… you became king at fifteen? isn’t that a little bit young for a mortal to rule a kingdom?

odysseus: *turns back to the tapestry* i was already the king, i was actually crowned when i was thirteen

poseidon: *shocked and confused* why would a child be given a kingdom to run?

odysseus: *looks down with a sad smile, at the memory of his father telling him about him losing his mind, and how sorry he was to place such a huge responsibility on his young son’s shoulders*

odysseus: well, i had no choice, but i would do it again if i had to… 

odysseus: *turns to athena* besides, i had athena to help guide me

athena: *smiles with a nod at odysseus*

odysseus: *starts walking in the direction of the dining hall again* anyway…enough of that, can we please just make our way to the dining hall now

*they all continue making their way down the hall*

poseidon: *notices a stain on the floor tiles not far in front of them*

poseidon: *points* i think your servants missed a spot

athena & odysseus: *both look to where he’s pointing*

athena: *chuckles to herself in knowing*

odysseus: *smirks* 

poseidon: *sees both their expressions, and is confused* 

odysseus: oh that..oh don’t worry it’s clean

odysseus: *shrugs* it’s just so hard to get bloodstains out of white titles

poseidon: *wide eyed* blood?

odysseus: yeah.. not long after i finished with you, i arrived back on my island to find my palace overrun with 108…mutts… all vying for my wife’s hand. 

odysseus: *waving his hand like it was a simple issue* so i made sure to deal with them all myself… unfortunately one of them left a stain.

odysseus: -oh look we’ve made it

odysseus: hope we haven’t kept them too long

poseidon: *shocked at all the new odysseus lore he’s unlocked*

athena: *laughing at poseidon’s expression*

odysseus: *opening the door* come on let’s head in

poseidon: *shakes away the shock*

odysseus: *to poseidon* i guess it’s time to introduce you to my wife

*they all walk through the doorway into the dining hall*

*there penelope and telemachus both stand not too far from the dining table; which has quite the feast laid out, and from the steam coming off of it, it had not long be put there*

odysseus: *heads over to his son & wife*

odysseus: *looks at poseidon* poseidon, you’ve met my son telemachus before.

telemachus: *can barely keep in his excitement* 

telemachus: hi- i mean good evening lord poseidon, i’m so happ- grateful you accepted my father's invitation for dinner. 

telemachus: *puts his arm on his chest, and leans forward in a  bow of respect* i hope you enjoy the evening.

odysseus: *narrows his eyes at poseidon, silently threatening him to not be rude to his son*

telemachus: *looks back up at poseidon, smile on his face*

poseidon: *quickly nods his head in greeting to telemachus* good evening prince, your father tells me that this was all your idea 

telemachus: *raises a hand to nervously scratch under his chin* um… yes i guess it was

poseidon: well then, thank you for the idea to invite me.

telemachus: *hand leaves his chin and a big smile breaks out* well of course! you are my father’s friend after all!

poseidon: *eye twitches before he quickly composes himself* 

poseidon: yes… friend.

odysseus: *coughs* yes and now that you’ve both reacquainted yourselves again… telemachus why don’t you go speak with athena for a moment

telemachus: sure!

*telemachus makes his way to athena, and they start talking amongst themselves*

odysseus: *puts his arm around penelope’s waist* now, please let me introduce you to my wife; the queen of ithaca, penelope. 

penelope: *doesn’t bow like telemachus, but nods in greeting* welcome to our palace lord poseidon

poseidon: *nods back* thank you for having me queen penelope

penelope: *smiles but her eyes have a certain glint to them* 

penelope: my husband has told me all about your part in his journey home to us

poseidon: *totally not panicking a little* uh-

penelope: *glint leaves her eyes, but her smile remains*

penelope: -and also how you have helped out on his and my son’s fishing trips lately.

penelope: of course, i would also like thank you for taking the time to attend tonight

poseidon: sure… no problem?

odysseus: great, everyone has met everyone! 

odysseus: *to everyone* now, shall we sit down and eat the lovely feast the cooks have made us, before it gets cold?

odysseus: *moves to pull out one of the chairs at the head of the table for penelope as he normally does, when he notices that, there is only one chair instead of two*

odysseus: *looks up at the table and sees a piece of parchment with ‘mother’ written on it* 

odysseus: huh?

telemachus: *makes his way over to his father* oh! there’s a different than usual seating plan for tonight! i’ve put everyone's names where they should sit.

odysseus: *smiles at telemachus* oh ok, sure!

odysseus: well, i guess i should look for mine then, hey?

telemachus: yes, and please everyone else too!

*everyone makes their way to the table to see where they’re sitting (even though three of them already know)*

odysseus: *sees the parchment with ‘father’ on it* 

odysseus: *expecting to have either athena or telemachus next to him*

odysseus: *watches as athena stands in front of the seat opposite him*

odysseus: *thinks it’s weird to put athena & poseidon together, but thinks telemachus has done is as they are uncle & niece*

odysseus: *then sees telemachus stood in front of the seat next to athena*

odysseus: wait-

poseidon: *sees his name and heads towards it, only to look up and see odysseus standing in front of the seat next to him*

poseidon: wait-

poseidon & odysseus: *both look at each other in horror that they're stuck next to each other all evening*

telemachus: *not noticing the looks of doom on their faces* isn’t this great? it’s a family dinner, so what better than friends sitting together? 

telemachus: *turning to penelope* sorry you’re by yourself at the head of the table though mother

penelope: *smiles and waves her hand* i don’t mind

penelope: anyway, let's sit and eat!

*everyone but odysseus and poseidon sit down. both who have a death grip on the back of their seats*

penelope: *clears her throat* odysseus, lord poseidon… would you both please sit down.

odysseus: *snaps out of his staring at poseidon* 

odysseus: uh sure…

odysseus: *sits down and look back to poseidon, nodding his head at poseidon’s seat in the motion for him to also sit down*

poseidon: *still doesn’t sit*

odysseus: *a millisecond of a flash of red eyes* 

poseidon: *sits*

odysseus: *internally to himself* oh this is gonna be a long evening

odysseus: *to everyone* ok, everyone dig in!

odysseus: *to poseidon* can you get what you want for yourself, mighty sea god? or do you need a mortal’s help?

poseidon: *grabbing a lamb chop off a platter and tearing into it savagely in defiance*

odysseus: *rolls his eyes at poseidon, but goes to place a filet of fish on his plate*

*everyone has been eating and talking*

poseidon: *looks at penelope (who is talking to telemachus & athena) and then looks at odysseus*

poseidon: *thinking and then looks back to penelope*

odysseus: *to poseidon* is there a reason you keep looking at my wife?

poseidon: *jumps at little at being caught looking* 

poseidon: *turns to odysseus* oh do not worry yourself, i have no interest in your wife

odysseus: *unimpressed* why do you keep looking at her then?

poseidon: im..curious 

odysseus: *narrowing his eyes* about?

poseidon: normally you mortal men choose women younger than them for their wives… yet clearly your wife is; from my estimates… about a decade older than you

poseidon: *now with his hand under his chin, leaning on the table* 

poseidon: do you perhaps…prefer older women odysseus?

odysseus: *hands tighten in grip around his cutlery*

poseidon: *notices odysseus hasn’t responded yet*

poseidon: i’m right aren’t -

odysseus: no.

odysseus: *his eyes may not be red, but are clearly full of anger*

poseidon: *eyes widen in worry* whoa whoa! no need to get angry, it’s just a simple observation…. anyone if they pay attention can see the age difference

poseidon: *moves his hand to flick his hair back over his shoulder* it’s not a bad thing

odysseus: *takes a breath in to calm down and then slowly releases it*

odysseus: we are- were the same age… physically at least

poseidon: *confused* i don’t follow

odysseus: *looks at poseidon* during the 10 years it took for me to get home… i found myself stuck on a goddess’ island for 7 of them…

poseidon: ok…

odysseus: *closes his eyes* caly- the goddess had full control over everything on the island… her magic influenced everything… including a mortal's ability to age.

poseidon: so you didn’t-

odysseus: -age? yeah

odysseus: *sighs and opens his eyes* when i realised i wasn’t… i- i- 

odysseus: lets just say i didn’t handle it well

poseidon: *blinks at this new information* oh

odysseus: yep ‘oh’ indeed… 

odysseus: *looks back at poseidon*

odysseus: didn’t you think it was odd that i looked exactly the same when we met again, almost 10 years after our first meeting?

poseidon: in my defence… i was angry and trying to kill you, i wasn’t really paying attention to how you looked

odysseus: *rolls his eyes* i guess that's true

telemachus: uh lord poseidon? may i ask you a question?

poseidon: *happy to not continue his conversation with odysseus*

poseidon: *to telemachus* ask away prince of ithaca

telemachus: is it true that you gave achilles his horses balius & xanthus?

poseidon: *amazed at telemachus’ knowledge* 

poseidon: not directly… but yes i am the reason he came to acquire them. you see i gave them to his father peleus, as a wedding gift for his wife thetis…

*poseidon continues to tell the tale, and odysseus speaks with athena and penelope while more time passes*

*the meal is continuing smoothly as can be*

poseidon: *notices that odysseus has only been eating the fish. not touching a single bit of pork, beef or lamb that's also on the table* 

poseidon: *who has continuously eaten all meats available*

poseidon: *to odysseus* is there something i should know about the meat?

odysseus: huh?

poseidon: *points at the selection of meat in question* what's wrong with the meat? you’ve only touched the fish.

poseidon: if i hadn’t seen the others eat it, i’d worry you’d asked your cooks to poison it or something. 

odysseus: *raised eyebrow* poison won’t hurt you though? 

odysseus: *pointing a fork at him* also, why do you care about my eating habits?

poseidon: *frowning at the fork* i don’t, i’m just-

odysseus: curious? poseidon, i thought you were the god of the sea, not curiosity…

poseidon: *huffs* forget it-

odysseus: i can’t

poseidon: *now his eyebrow is raised* you…can’t?

odysseus: *now using the fork to push the food on his plate around* i can’t stomach eating lamb, pork or beef anymore

poseidon: *forever confused by odysseus* uh why?

odysseus: *gives poseidon a ‘do i really have to explain everything?’ look*

poseidon: *just stares*

odysseus: *once again sighing because of poseidon* well i thought you’d understand lamb… after the whole sheep incident with… your son.

odysseus: then after i escaped you with the wind bag-

poseidon: *rolls his eyes at the memory*

odysseus: we wound up on the sorceress circe’s island… where she turned my men to pigs. 

odysseus: i managed to convince her to turn them back, but it now feels weird to eat pork

odysseus: as for beef, short story is my men ignored my warnings and killed the sacred cattle of the sun god… so yeah beef is a no go for me also. 

poseidon: *wondering how one mortal managed to interact with so many gods on a journey to get home*

poseidon: *laughs at odysseus* and you’re letting that affect your eating habits? i expected you to be stronger than that odysseus

odysseus: *narrows his eyes at poseidon* oh just like how you let my handling of your trident, affect you into doing as i say?

poseidon: *now glaring back* 

poseidon: *turns away from odysseus* whatever, more meat for me

*dinner continues, with telemachus asking poseidon more questions. poseidon loving the interest in him and telelmachus’ knowledge, answers the all the questions with surprising enthusiasm*

*eventually what was once a giant feast of food has nearly been cleared from the table, thanks to having two gods eating most of it*

telemachus: have you enjoyed yourself so far lord poseidon? 

telemachus: *smiling* it’s been really fascinating and fun to learn so much more about you

poseidon: *almost letting a small smile appear on his face in return*

poseidon: *instead just nods* yes, it certainly has been an interesting & knowledgeable evening

telemachus: what about the seating, was it a good idea to put you with my father?

poseidon: *wants to answer no, but feels a kick from under the table. clearly from odysseus*

poseidon: yes, you came up with an ok-

odysseus: *gives another kick* 

poseidon: -great idea

telemachus: *laughs in happiness* 

telemachus: oh but i can’t take all the credit

odysseus: *raises an eyebrow in curiosity* 

athena: *who is sipping wine next to him*

athena: *slightly chokes* wai-

odysseus: *suspicious* son, you must make sure to tell us who else to thank for this

telemachus: *not understanding the bombshell he’s about to drop* oh athena actually came up with the idea!

athena: *suddenly nervous with the two very intense stares directed at her*

athena: w-well it was just a suggestion really…

telemachus: no ‘thena! remember you said as it’s a family dinner, friends should sit with friends!

odysseus: *to athena with the fakest smile* oh athena, how considerate!

penelope: *who has been quiet this whole exchange*

telemachus: *as if he hasn’t already unknowingly thrown one person to the wolves* but i of course had to run it by mother first, as she was helping me with all the planning!

penelope: *eyes have totally not widened*

telemachus: she said it was a great idea!

odysseus: *now to penelope* oh my dear wife, a great idea eh?

poseidon: *just chugs back his cup of wine at the revelations*

*after a awkward moment (at least for 4 of them) they continue on finishing the meal*

*eventually the food is finished and the dinner has come to an end, everyone has moved away from the dinner table and are now sitting on cushion chairs or standing around them talking amongst themselves*

poseidon: *looking out the window seeing just how dark the night sky now is* 

poseidon: well this has been a lovely evening, but it is getting late and i have been away from the sea for as long as i can.

poseidon: *turning to penelope and nodding his head in actual respect* queen penelope, thank you for your hosting

poseidon: *without nodding at them* athena, odysseus… good night.

*before poseidon can turn to bid telemachus good night, the prince runs out the room*

telemachus: *yelling before he leaves the room* please lord poseidon, wait a moment! i forgot something!

poseidon: *turns to look at odysseus in confusion* 

odysseus: *just shrugs also confused* 

poseidon: *turns back to the door, telemachus long gone* uh sure.

*not long later telemachus runs back into the room dishevelled but holding something in his hand*

telemachus: *walks up to poseidon* 

telemachus: *bows and holds out something covered in a silk cloth to him*

poseidon: uh-

telemachus: it’s a gift! i’m not expecting anything in return, and i’m sure you have better things… but i saw it and thought you’d like it

poseidon: *blinks, but takes the gift from telemachus’ hands*

poseidon: *carefully unties the silk cloth*

poseidon: *breathes in sharply*

telemachus: *not sure if that's a good or bad reaction* uh if you don’t like it that's fin-

poseidon: *holds his hand to stop telemachus* 

poseidon: prince of ithac-

telemachus: telemachus- sorry for interrupting. please my lord, call me telemachus

poseidon: …telemachus. thank you, this is a very thoughtful gift. 

poseidon: i will cherish it.

penelope & odysseus: *curious over what's got the god of the seas ‘cherishing’ something*

athena: *small smile as she knows*

*penelope & odysseus move closer to poseidon who is still staring down at his gift. once close enough they can see in his hand is a a handcrafted glass/crystal hippocampus*

*poseidon ended up wrapping it back in the silk cloth, and placing it in his chiton. He then thanked telemachus again and bid him good night & farewell. odysseus offered to walk back to the cove with him, but poseidon waved him off and told him to stay with his family*

[icewindandboringhorror]

What would you choose? :0c

(note: original image is from HERE (link) - but I edited it to add a wider variety of options.. also added $3 extra to the total, even though I know that makes it more uneven lol, I thought if you're adding 10 whole extra items, the money to spend should at least be increased slightly, if that makes sense..)

[bromcommie]

so I was digging through the Vast Legally Grey Junkyards of the Internet in search of better quality footage from AoU for my edits, specifically the scene with the CA FASCIST grafitti in Sokovia—which I unfortunately didn't find, but what I DID find was a bunch of deleted/expanded scenes that I didn't know/didn't care enough to pay attention to before. Which is fine. Most of it is techno babble and rushed plot setup. However. This stupid-ass ten second clip makes me literally insane. It makes me. Want to kill and maim and chew on the bars of my enclosure. And not in the sense that the contents make me oh-so-emotional, but because the potential of them could. Because what do you mean.

What do you mean those four and a half lines were cut for pacing/time when it's a ten second difference and the rest of the scene is in the film anyway. What do you mean you cut it because it didn't fit the narrative. It's literally couched in two minutes of plot it could've been so easy to slip it in there. A passing reference that would add at least a smidgen of depth to both the (already fucking incomprehensible) plot + politics of the antagonists, and to one of the main fucking characters. Like you were SO close what do you mean you cut every feeble attempt that was made to scratch the surface of Steve's character outside the whole nightmare scene we're supposed to feel so bad about what do you MEAN.

The fact that this minimal exchange—paired with that graffiti scene where Steve is confronted with the actual legacy of Captain America and what he's come to mean to people around the world and then quite physically discards the identity + him still circling back to the mantle at the end of the film anyway because he doesn't know how to do or be anything else, feels like he's too changed for this idea of a normal life that stems from before the war and the ice and doesn't know how to live without carrying that, without being useful in this one specific way—has more meat on its bones in the whole lead up to Civil War and ultimately Endgame than half of this movie's sledgehammer-over-the-head lines about home and family with Barton's kids laughing in the background or whatever like some fucked up C list hallmark movie is downright infuriating to me because like. You clearly thought about it. It passed through your head. You wrote some version of it into the scene. You shot it and edited it and watched it a few times and then you went "nah off it goes to the cutting room floor, we have enough of that. Add those seven and a half seconds to the 20-minute long, entirely CGI Hulk sequence, that we need more of. Surely that will fix the pacing issue".

Side note: this is me not even getting into the fact that, at this point in the franchise, this would have been one of the few lines we'd get of Maria actually saying something or interacting with anyone in a way that is even marginally removed (which this barely is) from simply delivering plot information. This is the only time we kinda get her view on something or even an inkling that she used to be a goddamn intelligence agent. And how that history informs her view of the situation and how it could possibly clash with Steve's own. And that woman is in every fucking movie. (Not to mention the fact that the two of them were just in a movie together, for Christ's sake, and going through something together you could pretty fairly characterize as traumatic and bond-inspiring to boot—and in AoU we can barely tell they even know each other. I mean the bar is so low and they still managed to limbo right under it.)

[lemongogo]

is this the part where i say i like jaymel . bc i do

[tetedurfarm]

happy holidays if you celebrate, all i have to offer you is these things, so do with them as you will

[puppetmaster13u]

Slowly rotating vigilante outfits for the batkids in the meat marionette au. Currently only sketches, but I like to think that they either have baggy short sleeves or no sleeves, what with how their limbs are designed. Especially with how their arms and legs can contort as though they have extra joints. I don't know how the backs of their outfits would be, but I'm thinking that it'd probably be open, seeing as they have wings, which could explain why they have capes. Most of their bags are more towards their sides because of their wings, and the fact that the larger bags towards the back need to be above their tails.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------ This Au is a combo of mine and @phoenixcatch7's Possessed Doll Au, go give them love. Reply, reblog, even just like something of theirs because they deserve it <3

[spacebagfullofstars]

Honda Oddysey Scene but in Evolution

This is a snippet of my X Men Evolution Deadpool AU that's been on my mind lately. Inspired by the most talked about scene in Deadpool and Wolverine

It was hard to tell when exactly the night rolled around. It was still dawn when they arrived in San Francisco and they haven't left their beaten up meat truck since.

Wolverine was still driving without any kind of direction. His mask was on, but his frown was visible through it. Deadpool, driving shot gun, seemed to had completely dissociated himself from his surroundings. He was switching between radio stations and trying to find the right music. The mutant, unfortunately, had to suffer through each song whenever the other man changed his mind. Currently, they were listening to Cher's 'If I Could Turn Back Time'.

A few seconds passed. Another switch, they were listening to 'War' by Edwin Starr.

Another few seconds. 'Shake your Groove Thing' by Peaches and Herb.

Another few seconds. 'Sugar, Sugar' by the Archies.

Before another few seconds passed, Wolverine reached out and turned off the radio, momentarily returning his attention on the road. The lack of eye contact and how quickly it happened made it come off as passive-aggresive.

"I was listening to that." Deadpool said, in all his audacity. Logan didn't give him the luxury of response. The mercenary tried to focus on the window, but without the background noise, his need to open his mouth grew stronger.

"I was going to give you half of the cut, you know." He said after a second, looking at Wolverine, who still refused to give him time of a day. "I'd never make it not worth your time. Think whatever you want of me, I treat my business partners with respect."

"You lied to me." Logan suddenly growled. Somehow, he sounded even more angry than usual.

"Strike two, ferret man." Deadpool said, making a peace sign at him. "I said that I needed your help, and I said that the old Hydra base could be of interest to you. Not my fault they didn't have any info on your past. That didn't count as lying, I just didn't tell the whole truth."

The mutant snarled, making Deadpool jump. He saw him gripping the wheel, which he was sure would leave a few dents. Not that he planned on returning the vehicle at that point.

"What? Tell me honestly, would you help me if I came up to you and said: 'Hey, Wolvie! Some rich weirdo paid me to go and steal something from this place that looks like a horror rip-off of Area 51! Also, did I mention that this place is full of freaky water tanks? Also also, did you know that apparently, our healing factor isn't immune to drowning?'"

"Would've been nice knowin' that before you waltzed right into a trap." Logan retorted through gritted teeth.

"You've had your healing factor longer than I have." Wade said, leaning against his seat and crossing his arms. "That one's just on you."

And just like that, Wolverine's buttons were pushed. Without any warning, he made a sharp turn. Deadpool regretted not tightening his seatbelt when he had the chance as he crashed onto the door next to his seat. The truck fell off the road and down the hill. It was far from a pleasant experience, but thankfully, it survived to tell the tale. It landed on a beach right under their road. It was empty, so the mutant parked on its sand.

As soon as the vehicle stopped, he swung and punched Wade in the face. The mercenary screamed, hiding it in his hands. He was lucky that he wore his red mask because he was pretty sure Logan broke his nose.

"Dude-!" Wade shouted. Before he fully recovered, he felt a strong grip on his neck. Now that Logan wasn't focusing on the road, all of his rage was directed at him.

"You want an apology? Fine, I'm sorry!" The mercenary managed, holding onto the hand crushing his neck. "If I knew you'd be so mad, I'd ask that brute Sabertooth to come! But I didn't, because I like you more!"

Logan roared as he slammed him against the back of the seat.

"You lied to me! You wasted my time! And because of you, we're bein' hunted down like animals!" The mutant's voice was barely there with all those grunts.

"I didn't lie!-"

"Yes, you did! You used my lost memories against me! You knew how much it meant to me to regain them and you still manipulated me into doin' your dirty work! You used me as a weapon, just like everyone else!"

"... Oh, boo-freaking-hoo!" Deadpool frowned, growing more defensive. That shift caught Wolverine off guard. "Little Wolverine can't remember his first day in new school! Guess what, jerk, I don't remember much after my experimentation either! But I don't let that hold me back! Here are some hard pills to swallow: You're so desperate to know your past that you let me of all people make a monkey out of you! Me! Keep trusting the wrong guys and soon you won't even have a future to look forward to!"

After he finished, he looked back at Wolverine. He was staring at him with this empty look that freaked him out even more than the angry snarl. Suddenly, he let him go and Wade fell back on his seat. He coughed and massaged his neck.

"Look, Wolv. I'm sorry." He tried, because he couldn't handle seeing him like this anymore. "Really, I am. But take it from me, maybe it's better to just forget... No hard feelings?..."

He didn't know yet that he said too much. Wolverine was silent for a few more moments. Then, he wheezed. The mutant threw his back against the seat, and running his hand up his scalp, he succumbed to his laughter. It wasn't a pleasant sound at all. It was strained, almost hysterical, and obviously provoked more by his fury than actual amusement. Still, it was the first time Deadpool actually made him laugh.

"Oh wow!... " The mercenary said through his nervous chuckle that was muted by Wolverine. "So that's how you laugh! Just as terrifying as the rest of you!... I didn't say any joke yet, though."

"You didn't have to." Logan sighed deeply, partially regaining his posture. The next look he gave Wade was entirely venomous.

"You are the biggest joke I've ever seen! There hasn't been as much of an audacious, or insecure, or callous stain on humanity than this manchild I have the displeasure of sittin' right next to! You're good for nothin' but spreadin' mysery everywhere you go! You ain't got no morals, no friends, and you make it everyone's problem, 'cause you can't ever accept the fact that your actions have consequences!" Logan paused to catch his breath. Deadpool visibly shrinked in his own seat. Suddenly, the mutant's claws came out and he shoved them to the back of the truck, scraping its surface in a long line.

"Oh, how I wish I pushed you off that cliff first time we've met! Maybe that would've gotten the message through your dense skull, just how much I want to see you set on fire! Hate doesn't even begin to describe what I'm feelin' towards you! Ain't no wonder why that blue woman you keep yappin' about hasn't come back to you yet! You have to make up an imaginary girlfriend to protect your delicate feelin's from the fact that nobody will ever want you! How 'bout this hard pill to swallow: The doctors that tortured you didn't ruin your life! You did! You have to act like an obnoxious clown, otherwise no one would ever give you the attention you're so obviously cravin'! I can't wait for the day when you'll wake up and realise that you'll be spendin' the rest of eternity alone, and you can thank only yourself for that! But that's just wishful thinkin', 'cause you're-" His claws pulled back and he slammed his fist against the marked metal.

"-too-" Slam!

"-stupid-" Slam!

"-to think of anythin' outside of your own bubble of insanity!" SLAM! The wall bended and partially fell apart, just enough for them to see the inside of their cargo.

At long last came the silence. Logan used his hand to support himself from collapsing. He panted and bared his teeth at the mercenary who grew concerningly quiet. Not for Logan, though.

"No more jokes, bub?" He leaned closer and sneered, not being able to resist one last jab. "Come on, give me a real tear-jerker. I'm feelin' like laughin' for a change."

He looked directly into Deadpool's eyes. All he saw in them were two empty voids. The mutant settled back on his seat and tried to catch his breath. A second later and he would've regretted some of the things he said.

"... Take it back." Deadpool murmured softly. Had it not been for Wolverine's super hearing, he would've missed it.

"You don't know when to quit, do you?" The mutant snorted loudly. It was his own enjoyment of seeing the mercenary be put in his place that led him to lower his guard. Before he knew, Wade grabbed the back of his head, painfully gripping a handful of hair and hood.

"I said take it back!" He roared with the anger he never let anyone see. Without any warning, he slammed Wolverine's head against the front of the car. Then he did it again and on his third time he accidentally turned on the radio.

'Why Can't We Be Friends?' by War started playing.

Slam!

'Express Yourself' by Madonna.

Slam!

'You're the One That I Want' from the musical Grease.

"Why you little-!" Wolverine wouldn't take it any longer. He grabbed onto whatever he could and prevented Deadpool from slamming his head again. He pulled out his claws and jammed them into the other's right shoulder. Wade cried out. Using the moment of distraction, the mutant freed himself. Then, he grabbed Wade's head, pulled him close, and then slammed his head against the radio. This time it played 'Don't Go Breaking My Heart' by Elton John and Kiki Dee.

Despite being a taller man, Deadpool had to trouble slipping into a different position in his limited space. He kicked Logan onto the door, breaking the window and leaving a huge dent. The mutant growled, glaring back at him with pure fire in his eyes. Deadpool tried to throw a hit, but Logan caught his fist and then repeatedly punched him in the face. Wade dodged and a hit full of claws meant for him punctured the already beat down back of the truck.

The mercenary used this for his advantage. He managed to grab Logan by the shoulders and then threw him in order to take down the rest of the space separating them from the cargo. They both fell into the cold, smelly abyss where they could barely see each other. Not that it would stop them.

[sexynetra]

Why am I just now seeing this for the first time what the fuck I am foaming at the mouth

[sharkji]

Hello and welcome to Sharkji’s WangXianification of Plot™

MDZS has skyrocketed in popularity since the release of the english translation and The Untamed being accessible on multiple streaming platforms. It hunted you down and grabbed you by your ankles, dragging you down it’s deep dark hall. Now Wangxian has it’s death grip on you. That’s okay, me too. We are both in this cage together 🤝

But since we’re both trapped here for the same reason…

Let me offer this opportunity to forge a new deep dark hall in your brain. That’s right, more than one piece of media can have a death grip on you! So let me introduce to you a new piece of media, by handing it over to you in a Wangxian shaped package.

In other words, or in short. Let me feed you propaganda for another book by explaining it to you as if it was Wangxian. (Because this fandom desperately needs propaganda, we are parched! I want need more!)

YuWu - Remnants of Filth - by Meatbun doesn’t Eat Meat - The Wangxianification edition:

We’re going to start by separating the sects in MDZS into two kingdoms. Let’s put every sect that cultivates the righteous path into one kingdom. And let’s say that the Wens are their own kingdom that openly follows the demonic path. We’ll call them the Wen Kingdom. and for simplicity we will just call the other the Jianghu Kingdom.

Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji are two generals serving the army of the emperor in the Jianghu Kingdom. Lan Wangji, Hanguang-jun, born of noble blood, is revered but reserved. Wei Wuxian, the Yiling Lazou, born a slave, is charismatic but wild (shameless).

While extremely respected on the battlefield for his competence, a watchful eye is kept on that Yiling Lazou. You see, those born a slave are not usually granted the honor of serving the emperor in the army. But Wei Wuxian worked his way up to being the army general that commanded an entire troop of slave born and commoner men. This is the second time in the history of the Jianghu Kingdom that the emperor has allowed this…but it seems Wei Wuxian has proved himself, hasn’t he?

Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji work in tandem on the battlefield. And even though Wei Wuxian is always trying to tease and poke at Lan Wangji’s short temper, everyone knows that their brotherhood runs deep.

If only they knew how deep, aha. Because behind closed curtains these two really can’t keep their hands off each other. It started on Lan Wangji’s coming of age. When his Wei-shixiong of three years decided to congratulate his comrade with…a porn booklet. In true Hanguang-jun fashion, the poor man, storms out of the tent they were both in. Wei Wuxian cackles and leans back on Lan Wangji’s cot to flip through this booklet himself. It’s really such a shame, he paid such a pretty penny for it. And comrades such as themselves really should enjoy good things together. Wei Wuxian had no clue what he was in for when one of the pages he flips to features that of two men engaging in intercourse. Cutsleeves. and oh. there must be something wrong with me. It was then that Lan Wangji returned to the inside of tent, his ears red but his eyes dark.

And well, I’m sure you can imagine how this goes. and how it happens again. and again. and again and again and

Lan Wangji is so in love with Wei Wuxian. He wants nothing more than to be his home. He is elated at Wei Wuxian declaring his love for him during the throes of passion. But so devastated the next time Wei Wuxian teases him and “Hanguang-jun, how are you ever going to catch a wife with that stony expression of yours?”

Of course, Lan Wangji never lets his emotions show on his face. Well, not unless it’s a scowl. On the inside Lan Wangji watches the other, and his heart can’t help but catch fire from the blazing sun that is Wei Wuxian. He burns so bright. He burns and burns and

An incident on the battlefield. A plan gone awry. A neighboring kingdom and Wei Wuxian’s army enter a battle that was never supposed to be. 70 thousand Jianghu soldiers were slaughtered. The remaining 30 thousand, detained. Wei Wuxian was stripped of his military position and honors by the emperor. And Jiang Cheng. Wei Wuxian’s brother on the battle field. His second in command. The one who made an impulsive swipe to behead the envoy of this neighboring kingdom that they didn’t plan to battle with. Well he was set to be executed.

Wei Wuxian spent months in a drunken stupor. He was only ever seen in brothels these days.

And the biggest mistake Lan Wangji ever made was when Wei Wuxian turned to him, a ghost of his usual smile on his face and said, “Lan-shidi, time will heal this one’s wounds,” Lan Wangji believed him.

Three days before Jiang Cheng’s execution Lan Wangji and his army was sent away for a separate matter by the emperor. By the time Lan Wangji returned again, Wei Wuxian wasn’t sitting in that brothel’s window like he usually did these days.

In fact. The word was that while Lan Wangji was away, Wei Wuxian defected. Not only did he defect.. He joined the Wen Kingdom.

But Wei Wuxian. He. He wouldn’t. Lan Wangji didn’t believe it. Wei Wuxian was righteous. Wei Wuxian he. he saved people. he. he

Lan Wangji took the Vow of Heavenly Calamity in front of the emperor. He was so certain that Wei Wuxian wouldn’t defect that he vowed his allegiance to the emperor to convince him and prove that Wei Wuxian wouldn’t join the Wen Kingdom. He did this even though the vow itself took 10 years off his lifespan. Even though if he broke this vow he would be faced with a heavenly calamity and turn to dust in the turbulent winds.

The next time Lan Wangji saw Wei Wuxian he barely survived to relay the memory. There was a battle with the Wen Kingdom. They were battling the Wen kingdom who was using Wei Wuxian’s tactics and there he was. Lan Wangji, and all his faith in Wei Wuxian, was betrayed the moment Wei Wuxian dared to say he had no qualms killing Lan Wangji. And to prove it, he stabbed a demonic blade into his chest. Into his heart.

Lan Wangji barely survived. And while over time, the scar on his chest proved that the wound healed. Lan Wangji’s heart never did.

He couldn’t control the fragments left of his heart. He could never stop loving Wei Wuxian. The very one that betrayed his heart and their kingdom. He hated Wei Wuxian. He hated that he loved Wei Wuxian. He hated.

Five years later, while Lan Wangji was away with his army, he received word via letter that Wei Wuxian was returning to the Jianghu Kingdom. Lan Wangji couldn’t return home for two more years after that.

Lan Wangji and his accumulated hated over the past seven years, he wanted answers. He wanted a reason. He needed to know if Wei Wuxian ever had regrets. He wanted closure, damn it.

But the world was never so kind, was it?

Wei Wuxian had returned to their kingdom a broken man. His spiritual core was shattered and he had lost 2 of his 3 ethereal souls…leaving him with no mind or memories. By the time Lan Wangji could return home again, Wei Wuxian only had memories of the past two years where he worked with a trainer to learn how to speak and understand words again.

Wei Wuxian was detained in a brothel that was made up entirely of prisoners of war.

Even though Wei Wuxian could not provide the regret and closure that Lan Wangji needed. Even so, Lan Wangji approaches the brothel to seek out this old comrade of his. This old lover.

And that’s just where the story begins.

-

eheheh. If you made it this far in my ramblings, thank you and I hope you enjoyed my propaganda. If you were at all convinced to read Yuwu please do let me know! And no I won’t take responsibility for any of the pain it may cause!

Also, I would like to say that even though I wrote all this, I have only been keeping up with the physical books. So please no spoilers :) My brain is just rotting while I wait for book 4 to come out at the end of the month.

Okay. Sharkji out! ✌️🥸

[hanayotta]

meatbun is so funny for coming up with terribly tragic plots and then simply saying sike

[icewindandboringhorror]

I can't do much productively during the heat wave/health issue flare up/etc. like work on my games or anything where I have to sit at the computer/type for long periods of time, BUT.. I did passively sculpt a few tiny foods lol. I wanted to do one of my bigger usual sculptures, but those take so much more time and concentration, I thought something small just to keep my hands busy would be better.. close up photos look kind of weird and blurry from my camera settings or something, but overall they came out okay, especially in person.. Nearly the only reason I ever wanted to buy dolls as a kid was to get my hands on the miniature foods and plates and stuff that came with them, I've always just been obsessed with small versions of things like that, so.. why not make some! lol

[betty-bourgeoisie]

Probably my most unpopular Alfred headcanon is that he didn't participate in the roaring 20's at all because he was busy being a farmer in Oklahoma that decade

[akkivee]

Intensely Spicy Curry Training: Hypmic Curry Drama Track TL

Kuukou: Y’all sure took your sweet time getting here! I’ve already got everything prepared!

Jyushi: But didn’t you tell us to meet you at the temple?

Hitoya: If we’re making curry, why the hell are we way out in the mountains to do it?

Kuukou: Because I just had a great idea. Check this out!

Jyushi: Ooooh, look at all this meat! So, we’re going to be using all of this in our curry?

Hitoya: Beef and chicken, huh? I guess it would make sense not cook these while inside your temple.

Kuukou: You’re half right, and half wrong.

Jyushi: What do you mean?

Kuukou: I don’t plan to make just any ol’ curry. Now it’s time for the both of y’all to mince the hell out of this meat!!

Hitoya: I didn’t know whether to expect if a corrupt little monk such as yourself knew how to cook, but I’m surprised. Instead of using something pre-made, if we pound and mince the meat ourselves, we’d get a far more superior product. Is that what you were thinking?

Jyushi: Oh, I see! That’s amazing, Kuukou-san!

Hitoya: So, where’d you put the food processor?

Kuukou: Ah?? The hell are you on? You’re grinding this meat with your bare hands.

Jyushi: …Eh?

Kuukou: Jyushi, you’re on beef! Hitoya, you’re taking the chicken! Punch it with everything you’ve got and make minced meat out of it!! This is a new training session I thought up!

Hitoya: What the hell is this fool saying??

Jyushi: B-But there’s so much meat!! Grinding it by hand is impossible!!

Kuukou: I don’t want to hear any complaints!! You don’t know that unless you try!

Jyushi & Hitoya: *reluctantly pounds the meat by hand*

Jyushi: *tearfully* …My body’s going to become minced meat before the actual beef!

Hitoya: Damn it, I can’t believe I let my guard down like this…! I shouldn’t have expected we’d simply make curry…!

Kuukou: You can’t expect to get anywhere with a weak spirit behind weak fists like that!! Lemme show you how it’s done!

Kuukou: *starts punching*

Hitoya: You bastard, those are vegetables!!

Jyushi: E-Even I could mince a tomato by hand!

Kuukou: It doesn’t matter either way!! Whether it’s vegetables or meat, all that matters is the heart you’re putting behind it!!

Jyushi: T-That doesn’t make any sense…!!

Kuukou: “Enlightenment can be attained through one thousand fists!” Don’t just keep yapping and put some energy into your hips and legs too!

Hitoya: Tch, I don’t see any way out of this… Then, I might as well get it over with…!! UWOOOOOOOOOAAAARRRRGHHHH!!!!!!!! *maximum effort punching*

Jyushi: H-Hitoya-san??

Kuukou: Hyahaha! There’s the effort I wanna see!

Jyushi: Guh… Because My God has unshackled the chains binding his true power, I, too, must unlock mine to continue alongside him…! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!! *maximum effort punching*

-------------------------

Jyushi: I-I can’t move another inch…

Hitoya: Ugh… I can’t even take the cap off my water bottle…

Kuukou: *sighs* It’s pretty pathetic to be that exhausted just from cooking.

Hitoya: You…!!!

Jyushi: But, I think it would be really nice if our training efforts could be felt by those eating our curry…!

Hitoya: …Well, I don’t think I’d say it like that, but I agree with the sentiment.

*the trees rustle and the birds chirp and there is peace*

Kuukou: The fuck are y’all talking about? There’s no point to this if the people who eating aren’t going through training too.

Jyushi: Eh?

Kuukou: Training can only be felt when you grow from the trials you’ve experienced yourself. Hopping off from other people’s efforts won’t mean shit.

Jyushi: B-but I mean, we’ll still be serving the curry to others once it’s finished cooking, right?

Kuukou: Yup. Which is why I’ve got…!

Hitoya: UWAH!! MY EYES!! IT’S IN MY EYES!!

Jyushi: That powder…!!

Hitoya: It’s red chili pepper!! Jyushi, run!! Move upwind so it doesn’t blow and stick to your mucous membrane!!

Jyushi: Eeek!!! *runs away sobbing*

Kuukou: HYAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Hitoya: Kuukou, you bastard, what are you doing? Are you trying to ruin everything we worked on??

Kuukou: I’m not ruining a damn thing! This curry will be spicy so I can provide a remote kind of training!

Hitoya: Stop fucking around!! There’s gotta be a limit!!

Jyushi: *runs back over* I think there’s more chili pepper powder than ingredients now…!!

Kuukou: Then it’s just right! Now try it.

Jyushi: NO!! I will not be eating!! I absolutely refuse!! Don’t even try me!!

Kuukou: Hey stupid, watch it, that’s dangerous!! Stop fighting me and just—Ahh??

Jyushi: T-The inside of the pot is pitch black……!!

Hitoya: Obviously. Chili peppers burn easily. Haah… Let’s just remake the curry.

Jyushi: But doesn’t that mean we’ll have to mince more meat??

Kuukou: Whatever, I was thinking our “Intensely Spicy Curry Training” was made too halfheartedly anyway!! Time to give it all I got and win this championship!!

[totally-not-an-awkward-okapi]

Fuck it what if not all ripped 6 pack abs. What then.