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kiss-theggoat · 1 year ago

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Familiar

Ghostface (Billy Loomis) x F!Reader

Word Count: 2.4k

Summary: You've been having a shameful relationship with a certain Woodsboro slasher. One night, during a particularly passionate encounter, you discover who it actually is you’ve been spending time with.

Warnings: Smut, you don’t know you’re fucking Billy so I guess elements of non-con

“Guys come on! So what if I’m a virgin, I mean it’s normal!” Randy sat on the concrete ledge, fighting for his life against the vultures that are Stu and Billy. They cackled and fist bumped, turning back towards Randy to listen to him dig himself deeper into the virginity hole.

You overheard this conversation as you walked towards the group, lunch tray in hand and backpack slung over one shoulder, making it ache. Stu and Tatum sat furthest to the right, as usual, on top of eachother, kissing and touching, Tatum sitting on his lap. Then Sydney to their left, then Billy beside her, chewing on some apple slices Syd had brought. Randy sat furthest to the right, a few feet away from Billy. You strode over, plopping down between Billy and Randy. “What’s everyone arguing about?” You asked with a smile, also silently questioning if your school chicken sandwich would give you salmonella.

Stu laughed, tossing a chocolate in his mouth. “We just figured out that ol’ stunner Randy Meeks here is a virgin.” He threw a candy towards Randy, making him swat it away and flip Stu off. You were conflicted. You could take Randy’s side and say you were too, but that’d be a lie. If you said you weren’t a virgin, then everyone would ask who you’d slept with, because you told Syd and Tatum that you were a virgin. They’d know it happened recently, and you couldn’t exactly tell them you’d been meeting with a certain ghost-faced serial killer.

You shrugged. “Me too.” With a sneer, you peeled the bun back to reveal a questionably pink looking breaded piece of chicken. “You want this?” You held the burger out to Stu, who snatched it up and began to scarf it down like he hadn’t eaten in a month, which left you with a few bland, soggy french fries.

“A-HA!” Randy pointed an accusatory finger at Billy. “Told you! Totally normal to be a virgin. Just cause you're used to seeing movies where every single teenager is having sex doesn’t mean that-“

“It’s not the movies, Spielberg.” Billy interrupted. “Most of the people I know - in this school - aren’t virgins.”

You made eye contact with Billy, just now realizing that he was staring you down, deep brown eyes burning holes into yours. Trying to play off how nervous you were around him, you rolled your eyes. “What’s the big deal, Billy? Being a virgin isn’t embarrassing.”

Billy dropped the apple slice he was eating, leaning closer to you. Something in his eyes looked right through you. It looked like he knew all of your secrets, every little thing you’ve done in the dark. You tensed and backed up, biting half of your cardboard-like fry. “What?” You asked defensively, trying to get him to back off.

He didn’t say a word for a few seconds, staring at you with the same blank expression. “You’re really a virgin, huh?”

Did he know? How could he possibly know? Did EVERYONE know? You started to panic internally, but kept it cool on the outside. “Yes! I don’t know what the big deal is. Just because I haven’t found someone yet doesn’t mean I’m a loser or something.”

“Yeah right! You’re a total loser!” Stu yelled, finishing your sandwich. “I can’t believe a hottie like you is a virgin! Maybe you and Randy can fuck, get it over with.” He wiggled his eyebrows at you. You threw a fry at him, but it missed him, unlike Tatum’s slap on the chest, “Ugh, Stu don’t be gross.” She whined.

Randy’s face was bright red. You always thought he might have a little thing for you, but you’d pretty much had your eyes on Billy ever since high school started. You were glad to be his friend, but when he started dating one of your best friends, Syd, you couldn’t help but be consumed completely with jealousy. She knew you’d had a crush on him a little bit, and still dated him. You convinced her you were over it. Girl code, y’know?

“I’m not rushing to not be a virgin. I’m fine with it.” You said matter-of-factly and ate another fry. Billy scoffed, leaning back against his hands, which earned him a glare from both you and Sydney. You had no clue why he was being so rude about this, he couldn’t know. The bell rang out, signaling both the terrible start of your Algebra class and the blissful end of this conversation. “See you guys later.” You mumbled, taking your tray with you as you left.

The alarm clock beside you read 12:36 AM. You had been reading next to your lamp at your desk for a while, procrastinating your homework long enough to where it hopefully disappeared. With a yawn and an ache behind your eyes you decided it was bedtime. As you stood up to turn your lamp off, you jumped at the sound of your phone ringing. Your body had an immediate response, like Pavlov’s dogs. A phone call late at night usually meant a visit from your favorite ghost.

You picked up the line. “Hello?” You asked, a small smile tugging at your lips as you mindlessly chewed on your fingernail.

“Hi pretty girl…” his sultry voice had you hot in your cool bedroom, cheeks turning pink. “Your blinds are closed. I thought I told you to keep those open.”

“Sorry.” You said softly. “It was hot today…” you walked towards your curtains and moved them to the side, standing in the window.

A hearty chuckle sounded from over the line. “There she is…wearing my favorite shirt…good girl…”

You looked down at the tank top you had on, pink, simple, but low cut and revealing. Perfect for bed and, apparently, Ghostface. With it, you wore a pair of plain black lounge shorts that fit loose around your thighs.

“I’m in a hurry tonight, princess so get to it.” He said quickly, “Is the window unlocked like I told you?”

You nodded, big enough for him to see from his usual spot in the yard. You decided to listen to the man, getting to work. You set the phone down for just a second, quickly taking your shirt off. You had no bra, so he had a full unobstructed view of your tits he loved so much. You picked up the phone again and heard a small groan from him. “Attagirl…”

You shimmied your shorts off your legs, pleased that you had worn panties he liked, your girliest ones, purple with a little gemstone heart on the waistband.

“It’s almost like you knew I was coming, pretty girl.”

You bit your lip, leaning in closer to the window. “Come inside already…” You whispered needily, voice almost trembling from your desperation.

One minute your yard was empty, normal. The picture of suburban bliss. The next, it was overtaken by the shadow of a brutal, ruthless killer, threatening aura filling the whole yard. He should scare you, but your body had a visceral reaction to him. Face hot, skin tingling, panties wet. You wanted him every single night like you’d never wanted anything before, and seeing him was like lighting a fire in your chest. It was borderline humiliating how bad you needed him.

You slid the window open, screen discarded weeks ago, and you waited with vibrating skin. You watched his gloved hands grip the window sill, strong arms pulling him up into your childhood bedroom. Maybe that was part of the appeal. He was so forbidden, having a secret relationship in your home with a man like him was so hot to you.

There he stood in all his glory, black boots heavy on your white rug. He was on you in seconds, hands wandering, grabbing your tits hard with one, the other pushing your panties down. “So wet already.” He growled. His voice close-up was weird, but something you’d gotten used to. You knew he was using a voice changer, it crackled very once in a while and you could hear another voice in tandem with his deep, modulated one. His real voice. You couldn’t hear it well enough to know who it was, but you liked hearing it anyway.

You nodded, breathless, backing up to your bed while pulling him at the bicep with you. You laid back, and he slid your panties off the rest of the way, slipping them into his back pocket. That made your face flame red. The fact that he wanted to keep your wet panties was insane to you, made you feel hot, made you feel wanted. It made you feel like he needed you as bad as you needed him.

“Please…” you whined, pulling on his cloak as he stepped between your legs.

“Needy, huh? Such a pretty girl shouldn’t be acting like such a slut.” He snapped, but you could hear the smirk in his voice. His gloved hands trailed up the smooth skin of your inner thighs, stopping at the apex to admire the way you looked in the low warm light of your bedroom.

He slid his glove off, something he’s never done before. You looked down quickly at his hand, but a firm grip on your jaw slammed you back down to the bed. “No peeking, princess.”

You nodded, finally feeling his skin on yours. His touch felt so much better than the rough material of his gloves. Based on the glance you got, his hands were big, but smooth. Something you didn’t expect from him. You expected rough and dirty hands, not soft and manicured fingers.

All of your pensive thoughts were scrambled when you felt his finger push inside of you, quite easily with how wet you were at this point. He groaned at the feeling of your warm insides, eager to be inside you. A second finger slid in beside the first, curling upwards against the soft spot he knew got a reaction from you. You tensed, legs spreading further with a whine at his touch.

Warmth spread over your legs and belly, up to your chest and face. His fingers squelched as he fucked them into you, curled upwards at every right moment. Your bedsheets felt so soft against your hands as you gripped onto them, eyes closed and mouth open, wanton moans escaping you. While you weren’t focused, he slid a hand underneath his cloak, palming himself through his jeans.

He grumbled something softly, something you didn’t hear.

“Huh?” You asked, that small word the only thing you could muster between moans.

“Wanna taste you.” He said louder, grinding his hips into his hand. “You're gonna be a good girl and keep your eyes shut, okay?” He asked, but you felt a threatening undertone present in his words. You nodded quickly, but whined when his fingers left you. You felt yourself clench around nothing,feeling empty without him inside you.

You shut your eyes tightly, hearing him move to the window to shut the curtain. Your hands were clammy as they pressed over your eyes, you had to make sure you wouldn’t peek. You wanted to see what he looked like, but didn’t want to end up in the paper as the newest Ghostface victim.

For a minute, you waited, then suddenly, an eruption of pleasure as you felt his mouth on you, tongue running up your clit, hands pressing your thighs down against the bed. Without even thinking about it, your hands flew down to grip his hair. He didn’t seem to mind. You tried to gather what little information you could from the feeling. He felt sweaty, but his hair was soft, a little bit longer. But that’s all you could gather. You scrunched your face to emphasize the fact that your eyes were closed.

He sucked your clit into his mouth as two large fingers pushed inside of you. You let out a loud moan, mouth hanging open and back arching up off of the bed. “Holy shit…” you moaned, tightening your grip on his hair. He groaned, squeezing your thighs tight with his bare hands, to your delight, both gloves were off. He was becoming way more comfortable with you.

You felt yourself get close, you felt tingles on your thighs and up your waist, all the way up to your arms. Your whole body felt like it was on fire, you felt so good and you couldn’t think straight. At that moment, you wanted to see him. You needed to know who he was. Desperately, you wanted to kiss him.

“I’m…I…” you whined.

“You’re gonna cum?” He asked, voice breathy with small pants. You tensed up. His voice changer wasn’t on. He sounded so familiar but you couldn’t put your finger on it. It was bugging you, but you couldn’t focus on it too long as your orgasm overtook your body, gushing over his fingers and legs trembling as a damn near shriek left your mouth. You felt like you couldn’t see, your ears were ringing and you felt like you had just been beat up. You decided to look. You had to. His voice. You knew him.

You opened your eyes to see the man you’d been fucking the last few weeks. His lips and chin glistening with your cum, face flushed and soft pants escaping his plumped lips, hair sweaty and tousled from your pulling, falling in front of those gorgeous brown eyes.

You couldn’t believe it. You stared in shock. “….B-Billy?”

#slasher x reader #slashers #horror movies #ghostface #ghostface fanfiction #slasher x y/n #horror fanfiction #scream #scream fanfic #billy loomis x y/n

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zig-the-drummer · 7 months ago

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STUFF FOR A CHARACTER NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT : SOME HEAD-CANONS FOR MY GOOBER.

ziggy can’t sleep without a nightlight on. he probably has one that’s dinosaur shaped or some shit … one of the cheap types that runs off double A’s for at least twenty minutes before fucking exploding. maybe its shaped like a little drum or whatever.

he has a thing for sci-fi horror movies. the guy will sit and binge shit like cloverfield or the alien franchise for hours upon hours without moving an inch. his bandmates would have to pry him off the couch in order to get his ass moving. too far gone in the autism blunt rotation.

definitely owns a glittery diary with a gel pen to write with. do i need to explain this? he’s a faggot. he starts off with ‘dear dairy’ and starts freestyling.

he doesn’t know how to use an oven. that man lives off of canned tuna and cinnamon crackers. the occasional chicken bone would suffice. he fucking gnaws on that shit. the times where he does use an oven, he most likely gives his friends salmonella by putting meat in for fifteen or so seconds. he doesn’t know how to change it from seconds to minutes.

either has a great fashion sense or an absolutely horrendous one. ziggy would have the zestiest stage outfits, then change into an eyestrain ‘how to spot a gamer’ shirt that’d give an orphan from the victorian era an aneurysm. on that note, maybe he’d have a comically large ps4 controller as a nightlight instead.

he uses the most outrageous shampoos. three-in-one dorito scented conditioner, spongebob shampoo, minecraft creeper body wash, ect. you name it, he’s got it. he gets really defensive over them and writes his name on all the bottles, oblivious to the fact that it’ll get washed away each time he takes a shower.

(and yeah, that’s it. this blog usually gets a couple likes or so per post, but i like to screw around. so you know. have this thing.)

#zig the drummer #rp blog #oc rp blog #headcanon #ask blog #the buttfuckers #tbfs #band oc #original character

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pigspeetsandhooflikefeets · 2 years ago

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Terrible concept: I enjoy the idea of food challenges, but I don’t like the gross-out factor. The solution is obvious to create food tension, but rather than be gross, be controversial.

Wheel of Controversy. Prior to the episode, Chris and Chef outsource information to friends and family of the contestants, asking them what they know to be the weirdest food combination the contestant loves, and they are all represented by the wheel with everyone’s face on it from the finale. Every spin, everyone has to eat the combined food said person likes, including the person it highlighted. Contestants can’t vomit, pass out (obviously), OR yell at the person who caused them to eat it (even if they’re not present). Because it’s more fun to watch them squirm than fight.

First spin and someone gets the cliche “pineapple on pizza” which annoys Chris so much that he keeps the entire pizza for himself, which slowly disappears throughout the episode. The first few knock out some of the more loose cannon characters (such as Emma, Ripper, Axel, etc) who can’t hold back yelling over something minor, like ketchup on eggs. One of the parents provides an answer for something the character hasn’t eaten since they were 8 and can no longer stomach it. The wheel repeatedly lands on Zee who is completely fine with it because Zee’s parents supplied more than one, which alarms the other contestants.

The group turns to a stalemate, with about 3 contestants equally tolerating each foodstuff. For fun, Chris gives them 1 minute to yell to their heart’s content, and the more “chill” characters immediately start fighting. After the minute is up, one of the characters keeps yelling, and is eliminated.

With it down to two, they land on one of the less normal characters never landed on before, and their controversial food is medium well chicken. One of them argues the safety, while the other doesn’t mind. They both eat it, with one not stomaching it at all, while the other appears to be fine. They gain immunity, but have contracted salmonella 6 hours later at the campfire ceremony and are encouraged to leave.

#''one of the characters literally gets salmonella'' is the funniest concept to me #I literally love challenges that are character studies hidden behind a challenge ok. I want to know the weird shit characters eat #total drama #total drama spoilers #td spoilers #I want a food challenge that doesn't make me want to bite people ok #piggy's TD posting

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wench-and-jezebel · 2 years ago

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Dark Angel Reaction: The Kidz are Aiight

Jezebel (@typicalopposite) reacts [with occasional asides by Wench (@scripted-downfall)]

Oh god😕ew [What a way to start]

LINTLICKER!!! ITS BEEN A WHILE

JEEZ

Seee this is the part where he seems to not care. Like oh I love them …. But I’ll also let them die to find the others

[btw um. Remember how I've mentioned the whole. PsyOps thing. That I've mentioned. Occasionally. because... this is PsyOps.] OH SHIT not the laser to the eyeeeee!?!? Blech

Is this a different Zach? Like a recast? [No, I don't think. He's just. Ragged] He looks different 🤣

Is this real or is he losing it? Or is this part of what they’re doing? [Do you really think I'm gonna tell you that? :)] Rude

Ah, I see

Ew, creepy smile

[I like her pants]

Ma’am. That. Doesn’t seem… Sanitary.

WAIT! Is this the gif?! [Yes.] ISSS THE GIF! [*sigh* you’ve found another mouse, I see]

This is sweet [This is true! The cane thing was kinda cute too] I KNOWWW 😭😭

[Bruh, the first thing he's gonna have to do with the feeling in his feet is clean the grit from between his toes laksdjf] 🤣🤣🤣 so true

☠️☠️☠️☠️

Again. KENDRA WHYYY

[They both pulling the 80s romcom obsess-over-the-outfit montage] I’m loving this

☠️☠️☠️ the what is what sir

[Oop- leg shaving?!?!?! Damn] 🤣🤣🤣 [Things are serious]

ACK I KNEW THAT WAS GONNA HAPPEN

["Friendship" Bruh, Logan, you lie] ☠️☠️☠️

Zach ded

WOT? THE TOMBSTONES! THE DISrespect

See this is why I don’t like you Lintlicker

Nope! Ack!

Oh. That- [Digging himself out of the grave went better for him than it did for Dean ngl] That was easier… yeah

Is the dr helping or is this a set up [Nah, I think he was helping?] Okay good [I think we saw him hold Zach's hand earlier] Awwww [I don’t know for sure though]

You know what this means… Dr gonna die

Friends don’t need candles Logan [:)))]

Aww

“So.” Awkwarddddd 🙂

When are we doing another NCIS!?! I need someTony now lollll [asdlkfjasldkfj we can do it soonnnn]

Poor Logan [Getting stood up for incest vibes] Logan: Zach?!? 💕💕

[Y'all, I'm not liking this parallelinggggg]

Oh hello (annoying) Max. I was wondering when you'd show up

Bet Max is thinking “well shit… maybe Logan was right”

[Okay, sorry, but... Acting = 3/10, film staging = 1/10, overall judgement = bad] “Oooooowuwuwuuuwuu” That’s the noises that face makes. Like… Suck it up ☠️☠️☠️ [And did I mention the incest vibes suck] Yea. They do

Yes, let’s get in this cave and scream. Genius

["It's different with you" Ummmm See?!?!?!] Um ["How could I forget-" oh god] Huh. [“-one single thing about you”] Ewwwww

– – –

Jezebel: *sigh* Aight, let’s see… We got another not much has happened yet episode. Except I met PsyOp, or however it’s spelled

Wench: PsyOps. And it's a department, not a person alksjdflkdsajf

Jezebel: You shush! I know

Wench: But yeah

Jezebel: And the whole laser in the eye is *sigh*

Wench: So recall that I've told you that Alec's been there a good three times :)

Jezebel: Poor doctor guy tho! Like he did not deserve that… just to help the guy in love with his own sister (and maybe her “not boyfriend” too… it’s complicated)

Wench: I'm still not fully certain whether doctor guy was aboveboard btw. I can't remember, sorry. And I wouldn't spoil if I did anyway, so hah!

Jezebel: But alas Max and Logan were being cute and I finally got to see the waterside scene irl 💕💕

Wench: I swear, we're gonna find out later that you've actually watched this entire show through gif form. It's just two seasons of the Leonardo DiCaprio pointing meme

Jezebel: The “not” date was adorable, but, also, I’m sorry Logan… if that chicken sat in the oven (while it was off) long enough to have cooked fully…. She’s spoiled. Manticore ain’t gonna be able to get Max if she dies from Salmonella

Wench: lkasjdf

Jezebel: And then its all thwarted by pre-Zachinator ‘cause he nneeeeedsss Max

Wench: Ugh. Like... it'd be different (maybe) if they were in different units, but, as it is. No. She and Zach are too fraternal to be anything but incestuous. It's about the vibes and theirs are. nop.

Jezebel: And, of course, anything for Zach. So I got a good heaping taste of the Max I hear so much about

Wench: This is true! You get proof @witchy-writer-lady and I aren't insane!

Jezebel: 🤣🤣🤣

Wench: Thoughts on their... *cough cough* dynamic?

Jezebel: Yes. EW. And that’s it! That’s the thought.

Wench: And that’s all for midpoint!

– – –

[Once again, btw. WHAT IS IT WITH FICTIONAL CHARACTERS GETTING TO LOOK DISHEVELED] 🤣🤣🤣 This is fair

The flashback thing tho

[“It’s been a long time since I let my guard down long enough to sleep” Buddy, you slept for two seconds wtf you mean]

Sooo i thought he was just a physical therapist [I think he is?] Oh. He sometimes seems to be more [alksjdf idk for sure, sorry]

Also, buddy has horrible timing

[Poor Logan, competing with his brother-in-law for romantic attentions... betcha he never expected to have to deal with that]

The cane looming in the background like the serial killer, scary music and all

Twassss a set up

[Real subtle there, undercover guy] Yeah, lol… Like y’all know they’re senses are heightened

The doctor’s alive! You dog!

[Y'all. Why are you sending Ordinaries after two transgenics alsdkjf They're begging to get their asses kicked] 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[Zach looking over at Logan like "shit, he's got his legs back; now I've got no chance!"] Zach’s like oh hello [Oh, shit, "no chance" with which one?!!? Askdjf] 🤣🤣 [See, normally, I’d make a joke about “Logan has two hands” but the incest is keeping me from being able to] ☠️☠️☠️ True. Solution: Alec’s gonna come and he’s gonna be like… Welp, I’ve run out of hands… sorry, Zach.

☠️☠️ [The bitchiness is a family trait]

Poor Logan [I knowwww. But at least she apologized this time]

[Oh, no, not Normal's excessive patriotism showing up already] ☠️☠️☠️ He called him a weenie

Sir, you don’t get to call them your kids, you bastaddd. Lintlicker!

[Um, I'm sorry, that does not qualify as hair that looks "like she hasn't cut it since we escaped" aslkdfj] 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Very true [I swear that looked, like. Shoulder-length] Maybe it grows slow

[Okay, a little past shoulder length, but still. Not nine years or whatever]

Does she die? [Not answeringgggg]

Lintlicker’s Angels over here

Long gaze

[I find it kinda funny that her s2 mantra is "don't lose track of your family because I did and I regretted it ever since" and yet she legit Does Not Stay With Them despite many opportunities to do so] ☠️☠️☠️☠️

Your “kids”

[Be concerned about this committee btw. And about who this "she" is] Ooooof [They're not talking about executing the order]

[Um. "She looks just like I remembered" BITCH WOT. Y'ALL WERE NINE]

That. Was. *sigh* Really adorable [I knowwwww]

[She's kinda clueless missing that tbh. Thought she was a supersoldier with keen senses alkdsjf] Right [How tf are you missing this] Like… Ma’am [THE VEIN IN HIS FACE IS HIGHLY VISIBLE] *sigh*

Oooooop let me go talk in circles [Not the monologues aksdjf] On the skyscraper

[“Maybe it’s something in the way I’m made or something” IT'S NOT IN THE WAY YOU'RE MADE, MA'AM, IT'S YOU! YOU SUCK] 🤣🤣🤣🤣

– – –

Jezebel: The ending had less happen then the beginning. Minus the rescue, but like… We should have met the sister way sooner. That was so rushed. Like oooop here’s a new sibling! Who you shall see for .05 secs! Then she’s off to Canada!

Wench: Accurate assessment

Jezebel: But poor Logan

Wench: You're starting to see the Big Drama btw

Jezebel: Back to candle lit transfusions

Wench: Nom: dinner-I mean, what?

Jezebel: 🤣🤣🤣

Wench: Also, Max looking so annoyed at him was so funny. Like, ma'am, he is literally holding onto the counter for dear life to stay upright. And you're bitchy about him not letting you stay for salad.

Jezebel: I KNOW! And like after the cute little see for yourself, why would he just switch up like that??? Ma’am. How can you be so genetically enhanced. And so stupid. At the same time?

Wench: And it's not even answering nature vs nurture because they "nurtured" the observant side of her but clearly that paid zero dividends lakdsjf

Jezebel: 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Wench: Max legit just goes: yeah, no, nature and nurture have got nothing on my particular brand of sheer stupidity #girlpower

Jezebel: 🤣🤣🤣 I just don’t understand

Wench: You haven't even met Alec yet *sigh* He puts her so far to shame. ALSO. To be fair! s2 has a whole host of different transgenics and they're literally all better than Max. Joshua is amazing, Mole is great, and BIGGS. I love Biggs. He's in one episode but he and Alec have chef's kiss camaraderie.

Jezebel: Also! For my final point of the reaction: that is not how you look at your sister. And done!

#dark angel #dark angel reactions #reactions #episode reactions #s01e13 #the kidz are aiight #max guevara #logan cale #jezebel (pr)

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dovertime · 3 months ago

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Go and Jerry rig a 6 GPU nvidia/amd ethereum miner with all different cards. Then we talk.

Also, run it on persistent WiFi on an enterprise network. (Credits to Oscar)

I was mining Etherum and Ravencoin at the same time.

I took the brain away by accident.

Go rebuild it.

Character development has halted, no pay.

And then go figure out how Cannabinoids work.

Before that, try almost blowing up your brain with an amphetamine overdose.

Basically try not to go past 30mg of Dexamphetamine at 1 go.

The alternative is (exaggerated amount of) espressos/day.

The caffeine doesn’t help much.

If you can’t figure out why the caffeine doesn’t work then you need a book. 🚫

There is a synergistic effect when taken together though.

Thank god for atypical antipsychotics.

You can’t eat pork because you get sick (said the billions of people who eat pork)

Don’t eat chickens, they have avian flu. Also salmonella.

It is Haram to insult an idiot.

Drink as much wine as you want, I promise you, you won’t crash and die.

Also eating too much bread gives you gluten intolerance.

Yes, everyone can walk on water.

Yes, animals are adapted to anticipate harm.

Yes, homosapiens are animals.

Yes, Neanderthals are also animals.

Yes, Neandethals fucked homosapiens to their own extinction.

Yes, a homosapien means a human.

You’re not a human, you are an animal.

My hammer is not human, nor does it conduct electricity.

Momentum can give you brain damage.

Great I don’t need anymore ideas.

Now scroll back up

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phas3d · 7 months ago

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Can you do slytherin boys with a reader who’s a terrible cook like really bad and she cooks for them

Bad Cook || Slytherin Boys

type :: fluff

tw/cw :: food, vomit mentions

contains :: draco, tom, mattheo, theodore, lorenzo

notes :: i also cant cook for shit even though ive taken a culinary class LMAOOO - 🐍 :: masterlist!

DRACO MALFOY

Acts as if he's not shocked when you surprise him with a homemade lunch

But in reality, he's so honored to know that you care enough about him to make him a whole meal

Starts to brag to other people around him, like "Yeah, my partner just made me lunch no big deal"

He takes a bite out of it and starts to slowly chew it...

Too much salt, not mixed properly, chicken was slightly pink, jesus christ even the fucking bento box you put it in was slightly melted

Draco has no clue how the fuck you messed up his lunch so awfully but he has to thug it out

His entire group is watching him risk getting salmonella just for you so he doesn't have to admit that your cooking is bad

After he finishes it all,,, he throws up

Instantly he signs you up for cooking lessons

But when you get offended by this and even start to tear up, his soft spot opens up

So then he offers to join in for the cooking lessons and you're instantly happier by that

TOM RIDDLE

When you first made him food, he was slightly shocked that you’d make him anytbing

He was super weary of it at first, he refused to let his guard down for anything

Deeply inspects the food at first, like INSANELY

Pulls out a microscope and investigates each and every cell of it

He even makes Mattheo try it first just in case there’s a secret spell that he can’t see

(Mattheo doesn’t even realize Tom’s bad intentions, he just views it as free food 😭)

But once he realizes it’s fully safe and that he shouldn’t doubt you so much, he tries it

And oh…

Surprisingly, he’ll take it like a champ and swallow it

And he’ll even eat MORE of it???

Because he’s used to super shit food

He grew up in an orphanage before he found out he was Voldemorts son, so he’s used to it

If anything, he kinda likes the nostalgia it brings back for him

But, once he finished and you ask for a review: he’s honest that it tastes like shit

But that he doesn’t care :”)

Will cook with you next time and give you tips on how to be better

Because he’s actually a really good cook himself

He learned how to cook because the elves weren’t making food up to his standard LOL

Now cooking together is a nightly-ritual for you too

MATTHEO RIDDLE

Mattheo was in an orphanage with his brother for most of his life, so he's used to shit food

When he takes a bite of your burnt, expired, and disgusting sandwich, he doesn't flinch

He finishes it all and even licks his fingers

Not cause it was good but because he was hungry

But you assume he must have really liked it

So you offer to make sandwiches for his Quidditch teammates

Tells you "No" very bluntly which hurts your feelings

He feels bad instantly so he tries to make excuses

He lies and says his entire team is gluten free and uhhhh allergic to bread and wheat!!!

You believe this, thankfully, and decide to not make sandwiches

Phewwww

THEODORE NOTT

Theo is a natural born cook thanks to his mom

Makes the best Italian and European food ever

So when you decided to take over cooking for one day, he was shocked but allowed you to

Didn’t want to bother you, but he would watch you cook

The entire time he’s watching you, he’s cringing…

You snapped the pasta in half…

You spilled half of the tomato sauce…

The meat was barely marinated and seasoned…

Starts to plan a way to save the food because he knows it going to be shit already

So he comes into the kitchen to “kiss you”

He’s not lying, he does kiss you

BUT he’s also secretly sneaking in seasoning and garnish

Starts to “hug you” because he misses you so much!!!! But in reality he’s gonna gag looking at your monstrous spaghetti…

When you serve it, you’re surprised to see that it was actually decent!!! Normally it would be green,,,, somehow….

Theo is shocked when you say that… cause how tf did you do that

But he’s still disgusted by the spaghetti but he won’t admit it

Lies and eats a small bit before using magic to make it disappear

(He sent it to Lorenzo’s room, making it accidentally land all over his )

Will insist that HE should be in charge of cooking from then on and says it's because you desrve princess treatment

He's not lying,,, but he's just telling a little white lie

LORENZO BERKSHIRE

You made him a fresh batch of cookies just for him and he was so honored!!!

He was always spoiled by the Malfoy family so he's slightly used to gifts, but he's never been cocky about it

Once he took a bite, he instantly stopped chewing and started to cough

But he choked it down and smiled at you

He didn't want to hurt your feeling and he distracted you

The second you were busy, he threw it all away and acted like he loved it

Then he tries to bring up the idea of cooking classes together as a fun date

He's not lying though, it was a fun date

And you do learn a lot!

So when you bake him another batch of cookies, he's excited to see if you improved

But once again, he takes a bite and instantly hit with an overwhelming amount of unmixed flour in his mouth

He smiles but is so lost on how you managed to fuck it up again

But he's set on making you a better chef for the safety of not only himself but also yourself

So he plans an at-home cooking date and he watches you fuck up constantly

He's very quick to fix it and tell you how to do better

He words himself perfectly to not hurt your feelings yet still teach you

Very sweet about it and nice :)

thank you for reading ! 🐍 :: masterlist!

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hanniejean · 1 year ago

Text

Can I give raw chicken to my dog? All the information you need about 2023!

What happens if my dog eats raw chicken? Should I bring my dog to vet? What can happen? Read the article below to find out if a dog can eat raw chicken.

Can I give raw chicken to my dog?

Hey, you other dog owners! I’m sure we all like to give treats to our pets from time to time. But have you ever wondered if dogs can eat raw chicken? So, to quickly answer your question, yes, dogs can eat chicken. But people have different ideas about whether or not you should feed your dog raw meat.

Salmonella and other harmful bacteria in raw chicken can make you and your dog sick. If you really want to feed your dog raw chicken, you will have to take extra steps to make sure the chicken is fresh and doesn’t have salmonella. I think your pet would do better with cooked chicken or dog food, though.

Cooking chicken gets rid of the risk of salmonella and keeps your dog from choking on any bones or cartilage that might be in the raw meat. Remember that a healthy dog will do best on a balanced diet that gives it protein, fat, and all the nutrients it needs. So, let’s give our pets cooked chicken to keep them safe and healthy.

Is raw chicken safe for dogs to eat?

What’s up? Quite a few people have asked me if their pets can eat raw chicken. So, pay attention if you want to know the same thing! Most dogs won’t get sick from eating raw chicken. Since dogs are related to wolves, they can easily break down raw meat.

But you should remember that every dog is different. Some dogs may not do well with raw meat because their stomachs aren’t as strong. If you want to feed raw, make sure the chicken is fresh and well-prepared. You don’t want your dog to eat uncooked chicken that’s been in your fridge for days.

If you do this, your dog could get salmonella or stomach problems. So, it’s best to talk to your vet before making any changes to your dog’s food. Also, remember that chicken is just one of many raw foods you can feed your pet. A dog can also stay healthy and happy by eating a lot of other proteins.

What will happen if a dog eats raw chicken?

So, let’s talk about what happens when a dog eats raw chicken. I mean, it’s not a secret that some dogs love to eat raw meat, but pet owners need to know the risks. Raw chicken can contain bacteria like salmonella, which can make your pet very sick.

Nobody wants to deal with that mess! You could also get other bacterial infections if you eat raw chicken. Some people like to give their dogs raw chicken necks as treats, but even that can be risky. Your dog could choke on the bones or get a clogged intestine from them.

Always think about the risks before giving your pet raw food. Even though dogs need to eat a lot of protein, it’s important to make sure it’s safe and good for them. So, be careful about what you feed your four-legged friend, and if they eat raw chicken, watch for signs of distress.

Does it make sense for dogs to eat raw chicken?

Hey, let’s talk about feeding raw chicken to your dog. Some people swear by it, but will it really help if you give your dog a piece of raw chicken? First of all, raw chicken meat is a great source of protein, which every dog needs to eat. Raw chicken can also give your dog some of the important nutrients it needs to stay healthy and happy.

But here’s the thing: dogs can’t eat raw chicken without getting sick unless their stomach acid is strong enough to kill any harmful bacteria. Also, there are some risks to giving your dog raw food. For example, you could give them a piece of chicken that has salmonella or another bacteria that could make them very sick.

So, there are some good reasons to give your dog raw chicken, but there are also some bad reasons. If you decide to give your dog raw chicken, make sure it comes from a reliable source and talk to your vet to make sure your dog is getting all the nutrients they need.

Can dogs eat raw chicken bones?

Yo! So, you might be wondering if it’s okay for your dog to eat raw chicken bones. Well, let me tell you that’s not a good idea. Dogs shouldn’t eat bones because they can be very bad for them. For example, raw chicken bones can give dogs salmonella infections. Also, dogs have a hard time digesting bones, which can cause them to get stuck in their stomachs.

So, even if your pet is looking at the bone-in chicken breasts on your plate, it’s best to keep them away from it. Trust me, there are lots of other tasty treats out there that won’t hurt your dog’s health. Some dog owners do give their dogs bones as treats, but I think it’s best to be safe and not give your dog any raw chicken bones at all. Your dog will be grateful.

Should I go to the vet with my dog?

Hey, dude, if you’re wondering if you should take your dog to the vet, the answer is probably yes. Look, I know we all like to think our dogs are invincible, but sometimes they need a little help. If your furry friend seems tired, isn’t eating or drinking as much, or is acting strangely, you should take them to the vet.

Shouldn’t you rather be safe than sorry? Also, if your dog is throwing up or having diarrhoea, that could be a sign of something more serious, and you should definitely take him to the vet. Believe me, you don’t want to mess with your dog’s health. And if you aren’t sure if you should take your dog to the vet, just give them a call. They will be happy to answer any questions you have.

Also, there’s something else important to talk about: dogs shouldn’t eat raw chicken. I know it’s tempting to give your pet some of your food, but there are some things they shouldn’t eat. Your vet can tell you everything you need to know to keep your dog happy and healthy.

What will happen if a dog eats raw chicken?

Does it make sense for dogs to eat raw chicken?

Can dogs eat raw chicken bones?

Should I go to the vet with my dog?

Source: Can dog eat raw chicken? All you must know 2023! (petscaretip.com)

from Thuzyy https://thuzyblog.tumblr.com/post/723374630973341696

#Dogs #Dog Breeds #PetsCareTip

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minguyang · 1 year ago

Text

Can I give raw chicken to my dog? All the information you need about 2023!

What happens if my dog eats raw chicken? Should I bring my dog to vet? What can happen? Read the article below to find out if a dog can eat raw chicken.

Can I give raw chicken to my dog?

Is raw chicken safe for dogs to eat?

What will happen if a dog eats raw chicken?

Does it make sense for dogs to eat raw chicken?

Can dogs eat raw chicken bones?

Should I go to the vet with my dog?

What will happen if a dog eats raw chicken?

Does it make sense for dogs to eat raw chicken?

Can dogs eat raw chicken bones?

Should I go to the vet with my dog?

Source: Can dog eat raw chicken? All you must know 2023! (petscaretip.com)

from Thuzyy https://thuzyblog.tumblr.com/post/723374630973341696

#Dogs #Dog Breeds #PetsCareTip

0 notes

yuiyami · 1 year ago

Text

Can I give raw chicken to my dog? All the information you need about 2023!

What happens if my dog eats raw chicken? Should I bring my dog to vet? What can happen? Read the article below to find out if a dog can eat raw chicken.

Can I give raw chicken to my dog?

Is raw chicken safe for dogs to eat?

What will happen if a dog eats raw chicken?

Does it make sense for dogs to eat raw chicken?

Can dogs eat raw chicken bones?

Should I go to the vet with my dog?

What will happen if a dog eats raw chicken?

Does it make sense for dogs to eat raw chicken?

Can dogs eat raw chicken bones?

Should I go to the vet with my dog?

Source: Can dog eat raw chicken? All you must know 2023! (petscaretip.com)

from Thuzyy https://thuzyblog.tumblr.com/post/723374630973341696

#Dogs #Dog Breeds #PetsCareTip

0 notes

kaiserposting · 3 years ago

Text

Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez ― Slick Talk

PAIRING: Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez/Reader WORD COUNT: 5.1k WARNING(S): None TYPE: Humor, Hint of fluff

━━━━━━━━━━━━

It's peculiar. You were always prone to seeing these strange, unexplainable things, but they never bothered giving you chase. Yet, you also know that you should stay away from them.

You're coming back from work and the moment you set foot inside your apartment, you come face to face with this... guy. You don't look phased at all, and with a blink, you turn back around to close the door fully.

The blue-haired man appears to find this amusing, a wolfish grin overtaking his face as he continues to lounge on your sofa, some torn package in hand. He thinks you cannot see him.

Then you look at him head-on, and with unnatural nonchalance, you address him. "Who the hell are you?"

"You can see me?" he retorts, and it doesn't answer your question.

You examine the apartment ― the hall has suffered no damage, it seems. Judging by the gaping hole in his abdomen and the part of a mask on his face (reminiscent of the creatures roaming about), though, you can tell he's not human. So you don't bother with pleasantries such as asking how he broke inside your residence.

Your awareness of his presence intrigues him. "You ain't scared?"

"No," you answer as you stare at your nails as if they're more interesting than whatever is going on.

"You're one dumb human, then," he says, coming closer with wannabe intimidation and exaggerated swagger. You almost roll your eyes at his antics.

"Why are you eating that raw?" You point at the meat in his hands. There are obviously missing chunks of it.

The tilt of his head communicates his confusion at your change in subject. "What the hell do you want me to do with it?"

"You're supposed to cook it," you explain with a deadpan. "Or you'll get salmonella."

"I'm immune to your dumb, weakling diseases!" he screams, strangely defensive. Though, if he has to be honest, he had been wondering why it tasted like shit.

You flinch at the volume of his voice. "Alright." Then you try to grab the remnants of frozen chicken from him, but he doesn't budge, and the tug of war isn't going in your favor.

"The fuck!? Stop it," he says through gritted teeth.

You're in slight disbelief at his insistence to keep what's yours, but you don't show it. He doesn't notice the way you pick your words oh-so-carefully, either. "I'm gonna cook it for you."

"Oh?"

You don't expect him to follow you, but he does. The curiosity radiating out of him, he doesn't bother concealing. You make your way to the kitchen and grace the state of it with an impassive stare. It got raided, and the unknown man beams with pride at his handiwork. He lets you take the package this time and observes as you step over the spilled beans on the floor and move to a counter.

You do your thing, undisturbed. While putting the seasoning, you ask, "What's your name?"

"Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez." The shit-eating grin on his face tells you he's proud of that, for whatever reason.

"How tacky."

"You said something?"

"Nah, just talking to myself," you lie.

"Who are you, human?"

"[L/n] [Y/n]."

Despite asking, he doesn't acknowledge your answer. And in spite of his unhidden interest in your behavior, or how strange these circumstances are, you keep up the composed bravado. "So, you see the Hollows?"

"I don't know what that is," you say, as you continue preparing the meat.

"They swing by often? You don't have spiritual pressure, though," he continues.

"I said I don't know. Fuck." A monotone even when you were trying to show frustration.

"Fuck," he mocks, trying to imitate your voice.

It goes silent after that, and you finish your task by sliding the chicken into the oven. Grimmjow doesn't let up his lingering even when you begin cleaning the mess he made, his eyes fixed on your figure as you rearrange cupboards and throw away the aforementioned beans.

"Why are you here?" you question.

"Why aren't you shitting your pants in fear?"

"What do you have against giving a simple answer?"

It frustrates him, in a way, how you're so casual. Yet you've promised him a meal, and you probably wouldn't have a tasty soul, so his incentive to attack you is low. You don't pose a challenge in a fight, as you're nothing more than a hyper perceptive human.But your attitude is another topic. Grimmjow grins again, at the thought of getting you to cower. You glance at him from the corner of your eye, but don't comment on his maniacal expression.

"I like this place. Fitting for a King," he says, gesturing towards your shitty kitchen.

"How so?" You don't mean this in a snappy way, really. There are many nicer apartments in Karakura Town, though, so you don't know where this is coming from.

"And a more powerful human than most civilians. I've got great instinct."

You groan at his monologue. "I'd have more luck getting a wall to reply to me."

"Doesn't matter," he says, with a dismissive glance in your direction. You, again, don't seem to react to his provocation.

After another period of silence, you see that the chicken is good to eat. You retrieve it, and Grimmjow tries to grab it with his bare hand, to which you retaliate with a light slap. "No. Cutlery."

"You're testing your luck, touchin' me like that," he warns, like his mood has suddenly changed from somewhat playful to aggressive.

"Wait, a second." You figure if he can disregard anything you say, you're free to do the same to him. He grunts at that, furrowing his brows in a rather nasty twist of his face, which you consider a hypocritical response.

Figuring he's not to be trusted around knives or anything sharp, much less in your vicinity after you've ignored him, you cut both your meals after moving them on two plates. You place them on the table and motion him to eat as you put down forks.

You see him disregard the fork and straight up gobble down the pieces after he's lifted the plate high enough for them to fall down into his mouth. However, you're too tired to argue any more about his table manners and so you leave it be.

Feeling the urge to piss, you disappear without notice. Not like someone like Grimmjow would lose track of you, anyway.

When you come back, both of the dishes appear to have been licked clean. "Hey. You ate mine," you say, scowling.

"Not my fault the size of your pissy meal was miniscule."

"Not my fault someone ate like, half of it raw either," you shoot back. It's the equivalent of sub-tweeting him to his face. You wonder if he even knows what Twitter is, but you disregard the idiotic thought soon enough.

His stare in your direction is challenging, like he's daring you to retort to him one more time and live to see the sequences. Despite your rather vapid demeanor, you're sure the last thing you want to do right now is test him, and so all you do is let out a light huff from your nose.

With nothing to eat, courtesy of your guest who you'd like to push down the stairs, you decide it's time to call it a night and begin doing your routine. After you feign going to sleep, Grimmjow grows bored quickly and disappears. You wonder what this was all about.

―

You didn't expect Grimmjow to return. Again, and again, and again.

It's not like you see him every day, but it's still too often for it to be comfortable. He's gross in the way he tried to pick up a spaghetti string with his fingers from your bowl and slurp it, which inevitably made you frown. Shenanigans like that aren't uncommon for him.

You come back from work only to see him seated on your sofa once more, like he owns the place, and you're convinced that's what he believes, too. Not bothering with a greeting, you go to drop your stuff off until you notice the slight noise in the background.

He found out how to turn the TV on, didn't he? You think to yourself with narrowed eyes and imminent displeasure. He's the type that would blow the machinery to bits if it plays a show he doesn't like, so this isn't an outcome you were looking forward to.

"The box is playing some dumb shit," he says, and you catch the hint of dangerous dissatisfaction.

"The―" Well, no need to correct him, you suppose, and then halt your sentence. "It's chill, I'll change it." Now comes the hard part. You take a minute to come up with something safe that a brute like him would enjoy. Wrestling, maybe?

His interest seems somewhat piqued once you switch the channel. You figure you're free to retreat to your room, but your gaze lingers on whatever's playing. Grimmjow notices this and scoffs. "You know that shit is fake, right?"

"Of course I know that," you retort, your eye twitching. He literally just saw wrestling for the first time less than five minutes ago. Why is he lecturing you?

"Well, you're staring at it pretty hard," he accuses.

You shrug before pointing at one figure on the screen. "I like this guy." You're not sure you know the wrestler's name, but that's none of Grimmjow's business.

"Whatever. You know, I could do these things for real," he says, boastful. You'd like to add 'all of a sudden' to this statement, but it's more like a default setting with him. God forbid anyone in this universe is interested in something that isn't him or his prowess.

"I'm sure," you relent, albeit sounding tired.

"Are you makin' fun of me?" Great, now it appears he took your agreement as sarcasm. With an obvious scowl on his face, he stands up from the couch and takes a stance, as if he's a second away from fighting you. The fuck?

You take a step back and then remind yourself to run away, best to duck and hide somewhere. You're pretty sure he doesn't know how the washing machine works yet, so maybe if you could trap yourself inside―

The sound of a loud laugh interrupts your not-so-clever scheming. You cringe as Grimmjow has a field day making fun of you, entering the kitchen just so he could grace you with his condescension. "You're so gullible, damn."

"Well, you looked pretty serious back there," you say, feigning composure as if you hadn't just contemplated trying to fight for your life against an Arrancar or whatever he said he was. Of course, you're sure if he had any plans of hurting you, he would've already done so. But considering how moody he is, that reasoning is never a guarantee.

He leans against the doorframe, then hums. "I guess I could be a talented actor."

"One of your many virtues, Grimmjow," you reply with a fake smile, this time trying to piss him off on purpose as revenge for his so-called prank. You're not even sure he was acting, despite how he's trying to play it off.

He clicks his tongue in retaliation, but doesn't try to convince you of anything either, which is uncharacteristic. He reclaims his spot on the sofa soon after, and you figure you're free to go to your room.

Once you put on different clothes and return to where he is, you notice he's still watching the wrestling channel. You take a seat a few inches away from him, though once you turn your attention to the TV, he turns it off and discards the remote on a nearby table.

You eye him suspiciously. "What's your problem now?"

"Nothing," he says, giving you a mischievous look.

"I wanted to watch." There's a hint of whining in your tone, even though you know it's wasted effort on your part. No, Grimmjow is not one to be moved by begging or videos of homeless cats or any other manipulation tactic the average modern person would attempt exerting on him.

He offers nothing to your request, and you stand up to retrieve the remote. You can tell he's gawking at you again, and you're only half-surprised when he waits for you to be a movement away from grabbing it, only to snatch it before you can.

"Why are you like this?" you deadpan.

Grimmjow juggles the remote between his hands. "I'm pretty great. Why aren't you like this?"

You attempt to pounce on him and take it, even if you don't care too much about watching sweaty men. It's a matter of principle. Who does he think he is, making himself at home in your apartment without paying rent, and hogging your belongings as the cherry on top?

He evades you, your sorry ass landing where he was once sitting. Putting his free hand on his hip in a gesture unlike himself, Grimmjow stares at you with a smile that's a bit too sharp around the edges to hide good intentions, looking rather pleased with himself. Though, if you had to pin it down, he always looks self-satisfied, so it's not a bright observation by any means.

You hug your knees to your chest and defy him with an impassive stare, not willing to play along with his strange ways of entertaining himself anymore.

"Aw, you quit?" he asks, voice dripping with mock pity.

You wave him off and turn to leave the room once again. At your refusal to engage him any longer, Grimmjow weaponizes a trait he doesn't acknowledge having ― pettiness. With a frown, he darts his eyes around the room until he finds a spot that's inconvenient enough to shove the remote in so you wouldn't find it.

Small evils count too.

―

Grimmjow likes you in the way he doesn't realize humans revere the mundane, sometimes.

Not to say your personality is boring; sure, you could be a bit of a killjoy, but it's a part of the dynamic. It's just that you're so normal, with a job and your own territory (apartment, you correct in his head) and shit. Kurosaki and the woman who restored his arm, they're not similar to you at all. Your normalcy is entertaining.

He bears a begrudging respect for you. You cannot put up a proper fight, but you're the one who knows how to fix the TV, do laundry, cook, unclog the toilet, whatever is viable on Earth. You have the potential to be a warlord in the human realm, surely.

"You're late," he points out, bored, once he hears the click of the door. You find it a bit redundant. Like you know most things he points out to you, you're aware of this as well.

"My boss held me back for a thing," you explain, though it's not an answer as much as it's filler. You drop the bags you've been holding on the way back. "I bought some stuff to make Beef Wellington again. I remember you liked it."

"Say what?"

"Beef Wellington, remember? The meat inside th―"

"No, before that," he grunts, growing annoyed at your inability to decipher his vague and nonsensical hints. Appalling.

You discard your shoes with no care, not in the mood to be precise. "My boss held me back?" You're not sure if that's what he wants to hear, you see no reason for him to. It's nothing interesting, or a recent occurrence.

"Just kill him and take his post," he says. At first you think he's stating his profound advice like that's a normal suggestion to make, but when you take a glance at him, you find the situation is worse than what you first thought. He's standing there with a proud smirk on his face and his chest puffed out, arms crossed over it. If arrogance had a smell, he'd be stinky right now.

"What? No, the only thing I'll take that way is a charge," you rebut, stretching your arms over your head.

"Well, how'd your boss become a boss, then?" he asks, as if he's making a valid point.

"I don't know. Grindset or something," you reply. You wonder if he knows what that slang is. Of course he doesn't, but unwilling to appear any more ignorant than you may find him (and under the assumption that you've just uttered a sophisticated term), he doesn't admit it out loud.

"You people make no sense. Killing him clearly means you've surpassed him."

"What if he's an accountant or something? Where do we go from there?"

"What the fuck is an accountant?"

"So, you guys don't do finances," you conclude while you put your finger on your chin as if you're in thought.

"Of course not," he says, again with unnecessary fulfilment. "If I want something, I take it and leave. Who's gonna stop me? That shit is all a waste of time." Again, this is a sentence you'd like to start with 'sometimes I forget' and the rest goes like 'Grimmjow's bragging can make Kanye West seem well-adjusted' but it's not quite possible.

You waste enough time with him to make it impossible to forget.

"Bold words coming from someone who needs me to pay for his groceries while he's here." A pause as he interrupts you with a grunt and a gratuitous display of his middle finger in your general direction. "Hey, Grimmjow, really, why are you hanging around here?"

You tilt your head and await an explanation.

"Things get stale at Hueco Mundo," he says. You've come to recognize the name by now. He mentions it in passing whenever he feels like sharing his braggadocios stories with you. There's even an idea of how it looks in your mind, though you doubt you'll ever know if it's true. "Gotta swing by here, eat a few Hollows to remind them who's boss, try new things Harribel doesn't know 'bout. You know how it is."

You, in fact, don't know how it is. Still, you don't find it urgent to oppose that part of his speech. "Oh, so it's like an ego thing?"

"I guess," he concedes.

"I guess," you parrot. "I just can't accept that the great Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez―"

"Watch it with your sarcasm!"

"―would end up leeching off of me. Those kinds of things don't happen to me, y'know?"

"About time something interesting happened to you, then. I dunno what to tell you," he says, grinning.

You like Grimmjow in the way people get accustomed to their annoyances and begin expecting them, then feel irritated when they don't occur.

―

"Holy fuck. It's so hot."

You turn at the sound of Grimmjow's complaining. Now, him doing that is not a rare sight, but this time you might have to agree with him. You're not sure what the deal with this sudden heatwave is, but it's worse than usual.

"I know, right?" you mutter in agreement, repositioning yourself on the sofa. There's no cool surface.

He scoffs at you like you're in charge of the weather and like this is a personal attack towards him. You return the gesture until you figure the situation is bad enough to turn the air conditioning on. Even if the machine is a sputtering pile of shit.

You experiment with the settings, and when they're to your liking, you press the button and wait. Then wait some more. And nothing happens. You're about to cuss out in realization that the thing finally broke, but you're interrupted by a puff.

Hopeful, you await the breeze, but it turns out it was a false alarm. The good old AC has reached its limit. Goodbye, sweet prince, you think to yourself before you're graced with an idea from your beautiful mind.

"What're you standing around like an idiot for?" Despite the insult, his usual bite isn't into it. The heat is taking something out of him, for better or for worse.

"Grimmjow," you say, trying your best to sound pleading. "I need your help to make the weather more bearable."

He doesn't seem too keen on offering his services, but your offer tempts him. You can tell he's considering what you said already, making your lips twitch up. At the sight of your half-smile, he averts his eyes and grumbles, "Help with what?"

You point at the air conditioner. "First, you gotta take that down."

"Well, that's no problem for me," he all but declares before flexing his physique. You stifle a laugh at his alpha male complex or whatever it is that dictates his behavior, though you suppose with stuff like this, you don't mind having a thoughtless hunk around.

You tell him how to detach it from the ceiling, though you're not too concerned with the state of it as you intend to throw it away. Leaving him to deal with it, you go to your room and dress up for phase two of the plan.

Grimmjow stands as he holds the air conditioner over his head when you return. "How does that help? And why are you all dressed up?"

"We're not done yet." You motion towards the door next before heading towards it and grabbing your key.

Grimmjow understands this as a cue you want him to follow you outside. "Are we doing your stupid shopping thing?"

"Just watch, ok," you say, hinting at a promise.

The walk there is quiet for the most part, except for your instructions to throw the air conditioner in one of the big garbage disposals and Grimmjow's cynical commentary about everything. You tune him out by the time he complains about how 'the sun is the most useless human invention' ― because he knows it's not how it works, he's just trying to piss you off.

Once you're rid of the broken possession, you lead the way towards the mall.

"It's worse out here."

"Shut up, bro." You roll your eyes at his impatience, and you're pretty sure he didn't hear your whisper because he doesn't respond with any empty threats. He could be such a drama queen sometimes, not that you'd ever tell him, though. No, you don't have a death wish.

When you make it to the techmart, you head towards the section with the air conditioners. Grimmjow frowns and wonders what the difference is between all these different models, except the price tag with numbers high enough to consider it blasphemous. Still, despite a lot of contemplation, he comes up short.

To be honest, you're not an expert yourself either, so after some dwelling, you make your choice. As you're talking to an employee to help ring you up, the unknown man raises an eyebrow when you say you don't want to pay for shipping. Grimmjow picks at his ear absent mindedly.

"Do you plan on carrying this by yourself?"

He almost interrupts to say he'll take care of it, but he remembers most of the people around here can't see him. Right. Kind of puts a dent in his plans of intervening and proving he's superior in strength, compared to whoever this guy is. Blergh.

"It's fine," you assure. The employee helps you bring it to the cash register, and soon enough you have secured secured the air conditioner.

"You really plan on dragging it like this?" Grimmjow asks, skeptical as he watches you push the box on the floor, primarily using your feet to kick it ahead. As if that's not counterproductive, considering you had to make this purchase because the old one broke. Yeah, you could carry it for a bit, but you're not trying to get sore arms when tomorrow is a workday.

"Just until we go outside. The streets on the way I know are empty, so it's not a problem."

"You're just being dumb," he says, helpful as ever.

"What would people think, if they saw a floating box near me?"

"I don't know. That you're a fuckin' magician."

"You think you're funny, huh?" you retort with a sigh when you see his smirk as if he has just told you a comedy gold one-liner.

"And now they think you're talking to yourself," he adds on, which reminds you of the times when you used to ask him questions and he'd go on tirades, leaving your often valid inquires ignored.

The first thing Orihime thinks when she sees you and Grimmjow bicker from a fair distance away is that she must be delirious, perhaps half-asleep. After she rubs her eyes and pinches herself, the scene in front of her stays the same ― the passersby are still staring at you with a mix of pity and concern, while you're having a harmless interaction with the bloodthirsty Espada she recalls healing a few years back.

If she told Ichigo about this development, the way you're coexisting with that man in relative peace at the moment, he'd probably go buy a diaper just so he can shit himself out of shock. So, she'll spare him the detail.

―

This air conditioner thing turns out to be a brilliant investment. Grimmjow loves it; so long as he doesn't have to feel like he's burning inside Aizen's asshole, whatever that may entail, his qualms about your stupid scheme of pushing it around before he could handle it may go forgotten.

He prefers to visit you on the two days you're free. When your apartment is empty, there's no one to bother or brag to, which makes it no fun. So when at some point in the afternoon you put on attire he knows means you'll be going outside, he's disappointed. "You goin' to the store or something?"

"I'm going on a date," you say. It's rather clinical. You don't sound enthusiastic, but he knows better by now. Your inflection or expression doesn't betray the way you feel or what you're thinking most times.

"That stupid mating ritual you people do?" he asks, and though he oozes calmness, he must be annoyed. Grimmjow isn't prone to belittling you if you haven't irritated him, however, you don't know what the problem is.

"Mating. Such a gross word," you reply, and the comment itself is off-handed. Neither confirmation nor a denial. You don't think he'd understand this practice in the way you do.

"Right. Does your 'date' know you share your territory with another guy?"

"The hell are you talking about?" You scratch your head. How many times have you told him this is an apartment, anyway? He has to be doing it on purpose by now, or he might be stubborn enough to not let that terminology go.

"Nothing," he claims, before looking away from you and standing up to disappear through the window with one hand in his pocket. If you're going to be away, he sees no reason to hang around here, as much as he pays homage to the AC.

You think this isn't just about him misunderstanding things about humans anymore. After what you view as a pointless tantrum, and still unharmed after an altercation much to your disbelief, you feel empty.

―

Grimmjow doesn't come back for a while after that. As much as he is an inconvenience ― be it to your nerves, or your furniture, or your finances ― you can't help the loneliness that lingers around you in his absence. You got too used to it, you figure. (It was fun. In a strange and fucked up way, you'd been entertained through the property damage.)

It's a bit naïve for you to think that he'd abandon something he considers his, though. Even if he has no reason to call dibs over your apartment, once he got the idea in his head, it was next to impossible to talk him out of it.

You're about to bring a cup of coffee to your lips when you hear a rustle, then the harsh thud of a door closing. You almost drop what you're holding before you turn around, face-to-face with the unpleasant fellow you were thinking about.

"You look like you've seen a ghost," he says, somewhat disinterested, hunching down with his usual arrogant posture.

"Aren't you dead?" you deadpan.

He shakes his head aggressively as if to shake off your comment. "Stop being a smartass!"

You laugh a little. Grimmjow perks up at the noise, somewhat, then his mouth moves into that unpredictable thin line again as he examines the living room. He appears skeptical, like he was expecting changes.

"Where's the human?"

You tilt your head. "What?"

"The one you went on a date with," he clarifies, frustration laced in his tone at your obliviousness.

"Why would he be here? I never saw him again." You rise your eyebrows. Grimmjow could be so presumptuous sometimes, and for no reason. "He was boring."

"Oh?" he says, with an underlying hint of triumph. "You don't like 'em like that?"

"Yes. The entire time on our date I was thinking to myself, damn I wish someone would come and break all my dishes except the one that's dirty," you reply with sarcasm once you notice the way he took your comment.

"And I'd do it again," he threatens. You think. He's the type of person who gets into certain situations just to make a point of the fact he can, and without repercussions, too.

"Then, when he paid for my dinner I was like, I really wish he'd just mooch off of me," you continue. "It's been so hard. Why were you gone for two months? I had no idea what to do with myself."

He opts to ignore your obvious jabs at him. "Can't hang 'round this shithole too long," says Grimmjow, though you think part of it is bullshit. He'd tucked his tail like a wounded animal the last time you talked to him. Clearly he took offense to something, but you doubt he'll admit it. "So, what? Are you free today, or are you gonna go off on some date again?"

So that's what it was, you conclude. His entitled ass thinks I have to spend every waking moment with him. You take a seat on the familiar sofa before answering. "I'm fine for today. You ever go on dates in that Hueco Mundo place?"

He clicks his tongue. "I don't need anyone."

"Neither do I." You shrug.

Grimmjow sits much closer than what you're used to this time, and manspreads as a maniacal grin overtakes his face. You fiddle with the remote until you find the wrestling channel. All he says is, "Good."

#grimmjow x reader #grimmjow imagine #bleach imagines #grimmjow jaegerjaquez x reader #bleach imagine #one shot

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racooninatrashcan · 2 years ago

Text

Stranger things Headcannons pt3

-Steve only works legs at the gym because any upper body is worse than Russian kidnapping and torture in his eyes

-max is the token “bag friend” aka the only person to bring a bag for keys and cash and such and gets stuck carrying everyone else’s shit

-Steve ignores any and all food allergies he knows he has

-Robin forgets 90% of her belongings whenever she leaves a friends house and doesn’t realize they’re gone until they bring it back to her

-If Will is given a bracelet or any kind of jewelry as a gift that’s the end of it he will wear it for life and if it ever breaks he is d e v i s t a t e d

-Eddie is usually very good at budgeting but he can’t help himself when I comes to dice.He will blow an entire paycheck on the clicky clacky noises and the shiny things

-Steve has shit hearing, Eddie has auditory processing issues so 50% of their conversations are the word “what?”

-eddie hates roller coasters. He will say he’s getting on and chicken out last minute because the waiting makes him more anxious

-Dustin is one of those people who can fall asleep at any time in any place

-Steve is color blind (he figures this out way past when he should have)

-Eddie overcooks chicken every time he makes it because he is terrified of giving himself salmonella but also eats cookie dough by the tin

#eddie munson #steve harrington #stranger things #dustin henderson #headcannons #fandom

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hansolmates · 3 years ago

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OMG an enemies to loves flipped au if u haven’t seen it I HIGHLY recommend it

mean!jk x childhood friend!reader (f) genre/warnings; childhood frenemies to lovers (?), angst, jungkook is a jerk!!! boys stink!!! w/c; 1.2k a/n; bintch i LOVE FLIPPED i read that book in one day when i was a kid!! To this day it’s the pinnacle of all childhood enemies to friends (and eventual lovers? Who knows with those two crazy kiddos hope they’re happy raising their chickens and sycamore tree) basically for those who havent watched in the original one of the main characters is in love w the other main but he hates the attention :(

Jungkook thought his high school reunion would be a walk in the park. After all, he has a great job in the city, a beautiful apartment, and an all around great life.

Ignoring all the litany of text messages asking to meet up, he manages to avoid running into you, floating to a bar in the corner where all his old soccer friends are drinking. He just wants to enjoy the last bit of positivity his childhood has to offer, and it doesn’t involve you.

You’ve already been to his house two times this week, his parents are more than happy to feed you and treat you like a daughter. He’s seen more than enough from you.

Yet from the few hours he settles in his hometown, Jungkook can never get away from a conversation that doesn’t involve you.

His friends do nothing but indulge in all the bullshit Jungkook had to go through in highschool. When you asked him out to every single school dance under the sun, only to be rejected every single time. When you packed egg salad sandwiches for him every single day after soccer practice, only for him to secretly throw them out. When you openly waxed poetic about your crush at the senior poetry slam, even though it was very clearly about Jungkook. Absolutely terrifying.

“Heard she stayed behind to stay with her family,” Taehyung remarks casually after the onslaught of terrible memories of you and Jungkook’s antics, “what a loser. Wouldn’t she want to get out of this run down town?”

In fact, you love this town a whole lot. You’ve said it more than once to Jungkook on your walks home from school, trying to get him to watch the sunset on your favorite tree upon the hill, but he’d simply slam the door in your face.

“Can’t deny she’s cute though,” Jimin shrugs, taking a sip of his mysteriously colored drink. It’s magenta, the color of his recently dyed hair.

Jungkook, feeling confident and sure of himself, feels a sickening need to feed into this negativity. After all, it’s his boys and he needs to impress. “Yeah, she’s pretty but she’s a fucking weirdo,” he grins when all his friends wolf whistle in agreement.

“Would’ve loved to get a lunch made with love though,” Jimin teases, jabbing a pinky in Jungkook’s chest, “those egg salad sandwiches cut into little hearts, absolutely adorable.”

“Please, I’m sure those eggs have salmonella in them. She got them from the neighbor’s dirty farm,” Jungkook waves him off, taking another sip of liquid courage, “I threw that shit out, I was better off starving.”

“Oh yeah! And she hung out with that farm freak Kim Namjoon,” Taehyung howls, slamming his drink on the counter so hard that the ice plops out, “what a pair, those two. He didn’t know his left from right! Dumb as shit.”

“Right,” Your one and only friend Kim Namjoon, one he always assumed by association was just as weird as you. Jungkook shakes his head, finishes his glass and calls haughtily for another one, “Namjoon probably pitied her, after all, they’re two peas in a pod. An idiot and a weirdo, a perfect pair! No clue why she was so obsessed with me.”

Crack!

The floor is littered with glass, sliding all across the bar and onto Jungkook’s leather loafers. Dropping glass is completely normal in a bar late at night, but what makes it horrifying is that you’ve been behind him this entire time.

“You can fucking talk shit about me all you want,” you whisper, and for some strange reason he can hear you loud and clear in the noisy bar, “but how dare you be mean to Namjoon when he’s been nothing but kind to you. Fuck you, Jungkook!”

“W-wait, the glass!” You’re running out with nothing but thin black sandals to protect your feet. Jungkook sounds freaking pathetic, unable to formulate a mature, coherent response as you storm out of the bar. The laughingstock of the school, being followed out by the throws of high school girls and boys that always seemed to bother you just because you made the mistake of falling for the most popular boy in school.

It’s been a few weeks into summer and Jungkook’s worried. No calls, no texts. In fact, you’ve blocked him on every social media possible.

He should be over the moon, he should be happy, he’s free. He should be calling back Jennie, who was eager to hook up with him after rekindling at the reunion. Unfortunately as always, he’s clouded by you.

He never thought you’d cut him off like this. After all, you were like rubber, always bouncing back to him, ever since you were little kids.

The silence is loud, deafeningly loud.

“Honey, why don’t you go see your friend? She made you lunch!”

You’re devious. You don’t even want Jungkook’s parents to know how much he’s royally fucked up. You’re still sending him egg salad sandwiches, with heart cuts and red flower pins holding the layers together. His mom edges his plate closer to his body, silently forcing him to eat since it’s already the afternoon and he’s lazed all day. He only has a few days left of his vacation before he has to return to the city, and he’s done absolutely nothing.

His mom is staring at him expectantly, and he takes a small sandwich from the plate. He groans when he finds that it’s absolutely delicious.

“What are you doing here,” you mumble, digging holes in the dirt with the tip of your sneaker-clad toe.

“I came to make things right,” Jungkook replies softly, not wanting to disturb the peace.

You are right, the sunset is beautiful from the hill. The view overlooks the city he works out, and you can make out the incessant lights and city fanfare. Yet, the city pales in comparison to the warm orange sunset, melting beautifully between the clouds. How could he have missed so much?

When he sits down next to you on the mint green picnic blanket, he tries not to react when you flinch away from him, pointedly putting space between you two.

“I find that hard to believe,” it’s amazing how so much can change from a couple of sentences, “I think you’re just trying to feel good about yourself. I should’ve realized how selfish you really are.”

“Please,” Jungkook reasons, leaning in closer. There’s nowhere for you to move, with your flannel clad body pressed up against the bark of the tree, “I can be better, for us.”

He doesn’t think, he doesn’t breathe. He presses his lips to yours, chaste and sweet. Something that even his high school self would be impressed by. It’s perfect, the sun is setting, the view is impeccable, and you’re all alone in your favorite place in the world with your favorite person in the world. It’s just what you wanted all these years.

And just when Jungkook thinks you’ll kiss him back—

Slap!

His face burns white hot.

“Stay away from me,” you spit, tripping down the hill as you try to get as far away from him as possible.

#jungkook x reader #jungkook fic #btsghostie #btswritingcafe #btswritersguild #kwritersworldnet #jungkook angst #bts fic #bts angst #jungkook drabble

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krakenartificer · 3 years ago

Text

I see a lot of people saying "I wonder if I should get tested for ADHD", and ..... yes. You should.

(Obviously not if you're in a bad healthcare situation like uninsured in the US or whatever. Don't go broke to get a diagnosis.)

But if you could go get an assessment? Go do it. It's not like it's a commitment to call yourself ADHD forever. It's not a change of citizenship or a marriage vow. Going to get the screening isn't an eternal promise to take amphetamines for the rest of your life. It's literally just a question. There is no harm or problem or risk in just finding out the answer to a question.

Maybe the result will come back that you don't have ADHD. It's still nice to know that.

Maybe the psychologist will say, "Given your results, I don't think you have ADHD, but I'd like to test you for ________." And then you'll find out what you DO have. Which is nice.

Whether you have ADHD or autism or PTSD or anxiety or something else ... you'll have information on what's going on in your brain, and get ideas and options for making your life easier.

Maybe that's drugs

maybe that's accommodations

maybe that's a special type of notebook/planner

maybe that's just the self-compassion that's possible when you can say "OK, this doesn't mean I'm stupid and it doesn't mean I'm a bad person; I have a brain that's bad at this one particular thing, and that's OK, it just means I have to work around it."

Maybe it's just the relief of language to be able to explain yourself to other people.

(those are all worth it; trust me. Every one of those things can be life-changing)

You know when a company issues a recall, and you go check the serial number on your computer or the expiration date on your chicken nuggets? That all this is. "Hey, some people may be affected by this, and here's how to find out if you're one of them." Not getting screened when you have reason to think you might be in this category would be like deciding not to check for salmonella on your lettuce because .... .... because .... .....????

Look. You are not taking a diagnosis away from other people by getting screened. There's no "must be this executive-dysfunctional to get tested" sign anywhere. You definitely don't need to already be sure that you have it before you take the assessment. "Being sure" is what you aim to be coming out of the assessment, not going into it. * Just go do it. Go forth and learn things about yourself! Return with greater understanding yourself and your relationship to the world!

*This is not to say that there's no time or place for self-diagnosis. See above point about being uninsured in the US, for example. Or when you have insurance/national health care, but there are no good providers in your area. Sometimes self-diagnosis is all you've got, and this post has nothing to do with that. This post is just about the strange reluctance some people have towards finding out that they're not irredeemably incompetent lazy jerks. Maybe you're a perfectly competent and wonderful person who happens to need to do things differently from the rest of the population. Wouldn't it be nice to know that?

#ADHD memes are very relatable and I thought maybe I should get tested #adhd #neurodiversity #mental health #implied ableism cw #internalized ableism cw #raina rants a bit #but mostly I just want you to know that it's OK #is a perfectly good thing to say to a psychologist #that's not silly; it's just sensible #unsolicited advice

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tohokuu · 2 years ago

Note

Do you have any type of meat at all ? It be canned or not.

i don’t give her canned food bc well… you don’t find any here 😭

usually, she has dry cat food and for dinner she is allowed to have boiled pulled apart chicken w broth. she’s also given treats throughout the day if she’s been good.

she enjoyed the vanilla custard i made yesterday :( but she doesn’t enjoy any fruits or vegetables.

but today i had none of these items and i ended up giving her the cooked goat in our stew and pulled it apart for her after washing a majority of the seasoning off. she enjoyed it a normal amount but didn’t eat all of it.

she’s got some bad habits tho, she likes to snatch raw chicken off the counter when we’re cooking and then snarfs it down before we can get to her. i’m scared she’ll get salmonella or something but it’s so difficult to prevent it now since she knows where the frozen meat is kept

#hades asks {💡}

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tangledinmdzs · 4 years ago

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dancing tastebuds 2.0 - junior quartet hcs

juniors reacting to your food (it’s bad) lmao i can’t cook so if anyone else can relate, here’s to you guys hehe

༻✦༺ 　༻✧༺　༻✦༺

Lan Sizhui

growing up between either bland or spicy, Sizhui thinks that he’s really had it all when it came to bad cooking

but you

were special

for the fact that you somehow burn the cooking utensil

but still undercook the food ???

and he thought his father was bad lmao

you’re bad in very innovative ways

and Sizhui, because he had to grow up redefining his taste palate from his upbringing, helps you in the kitchen

he’s a really kind teacher to you despite the fact that you mess up every other step in a meal one way or another

but he’s so. patient with you

and also he just feels better if he’s there to watch you cook, because he thinks maybe he can step in to help you whenever things go wrong or show you how you could have done something wrong in a recipe

but like, funnily enough even when things don’t go wrong

the food that you make somehow still doesn’t taste good

“i swear i did everything! exactly like you said!” you tell Sizhui, when he has a particularly hard time swallowing down your pasta dish

“are you sure?” Sizhui asks, after downing like half a cup of water

maybe some people just aren’t meant to be in the kitchen,

well luckily,

Sizhui can do a little cooking for the both of you to get by

༻✦༺ 　༻✧༺　༻✦༺

Lan Jingyi

Jingyi would be a real fighter in the face of bad food,

even if it’s

terrible tasting

ugly looking

just maybe not food anymore

he will stil

make an effort

to eat it

probably because he’d been brought up in Sizhui’s strict as hell extended family and everyone was like ‘never throw away food, no wasting food’ and it makes him want to eat everything

but sometimes, the food that you make

will simply just not be edible anymore

unless you’d want like salmonella or something like that

“Jingyi, you’re going to get a stomach ache, just let me throw it out,” you tell him when your batch of cookies harden and felt more like rocks than the ‘soft chocolate chip’ that the recipe had indicated

“no no, i’ll eat it,” Jingyi replies, putting a small cookie in his mouth and biting down

he doesn’t get a stomach ache

but he does get a tooth ache from just how hard it was

you laugh at him and shake your head, taking the box away and throwing it out anyways, before any more trouble can be caused

you still have a lot to learn

but Jingyi’s more than supportive

hopefully you can learn to make tasty foods for him soon!

༻✦༺ 　༻✧༺　༻✦༺

Jin Ling

would roast the hell out of your bad cooking like how your ‘roast’ chicken

and by that i mean burn the chicken aha

if he can’t eat it, he’s not going to try and eat it

you might hear things like:

“is this edible?”

“wow, i never new meat could look like that.”

“that’s food?”

etc. etc. etc.

but for all of Jin Ling’s meanness you are undeterred because you will learn how to cook whether that ends up being for yourself or just out of damn spite (hey Jin Ling’s words are good for something!)

and even though it’s slow progress, you’re still making it

so the nicest thing that you hear him say to you

after a few months of learning and fumbling in the kitchen in your free time is:

“hmm, a little bland,” Jin Ling would comment on a broil salmon dish that you were trying

but your smile widens as he continues to eat it, surprise and happiness mixing into this new reaction

“this is probably your most edible one by far!”

“hey! i’m trying”

and Jin Ling laughs at the pout that he causes you, because he knows you are trying your best

and he appreciate all the effort that you’re making, because at least his stomach didn’t have to suffer anymore aha

“you complain about my cooking so much, you might as well learn how to cook yourself,” you pout at him and he pulls you in response

“you gotta be good enough to teach me though”

will never be able to out smart the smart ass but well, he’s your smart ass

༻✦༺ 　༻✧༺　༻✦༺

Ouyang Zizhen

you don’t trust his opinion

sometimes the food that you make

will be really bad

really burnt

really raw

really just not good

but if it’s placed in a dish in front of him, Zizhen just eats

it’s almost mindless his eating habits

and you’re mildly concerned, because does he not pay attention to what he eats???

“Zizhen, Zhen-Zhen, how does it taste?” you would ask him after you try out a new recipe

and he would take a bite,

chew it,

swallow it

then go, “hmm, okay,” and just continue eating it

and then if either you have a stomach ache later it’s really up to the gods how that gets dealt with

so you work hard on at least learning how to cook food that is healthy and edible, because you don’t want to make either him or yourself sick

and your effort is rewarded with meal dishes being cleared entirely, instead of having some food left behind

you’re happy that Zizhen is eating,

eating good food that is

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