#and a lot of the things that are fucked are things i cant change. so thats also nice
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Hey I'm hearing uh. More, and more, and more buzz about GLP-1 agonists like ozempic from random ppl and healthcare providers alike and there's like a terrifying lack of lucidity abt it so I just wanna say, if you've heard some stuff and are curious:
Ozempic is a chemically-aided crash diet. That's it.
Like metformin, an older diabetes medication used off-label for weight loss, it's functioning as an appetite suppressant in this use-case. It's not magic; it's not changing how your body makes or uses fat; it just makes it less miserable to eat less. It is contraindicated by histories of disordered eating and should absolutely not be prescribed without a full screening for above-adequate food intake and nutrition *and* ongoing screening for adequate nourishment/malnutrition: this is broadly not happening.
I've also seen no indication that ozempic/GLP-1 agonists are any less likely to lead to weight cycling (w/o constant use) than a straight crash diet, or do anything meaningful to limit the known, significant health risks of weight cycling.
Nothing has changed:
The main things we know from a western scientific perspective about weight and weight loss are that 1) almost all people who lose significant weight gain it back and 2) weight cycling causes cardiovascular and metabolic health complications. Yall we aint even have strong evidence to suggest that weight loss is beneficial to health conditions associated with higher weights. This *should* point to Dr's never ever reccomending weight loss (we do know it can hurt, don't know it can help) but yknow we live in uhhhh fucking world.
We are possibly ripe for an aggressive intensification of anti-fat medical rhetoric, especially in pediatrics
Among the projections for an RFK FDA that ive gotten from folks i know in these fields is a renewed focus on childhood obseity and general military-style fitness. As the ozempic fad has already been ramping up, I'm kinda! concerned! about this being a major point of focus for the oncoming administration--i figure we're ripe for another mass diet craze associated with a wide variety of deaths anyway and that existing cultural+market inertia added to it being literally on the agenda spells some not great things. I really seriously reccomend paying extra attention to this area.
Clinics love ozempic because it's extremely popular and extremely profitable--i even know someone who's job was threatened for refusing to prescribe it. We already know that we cant trust doctors to be informed around weight or for the system to sound public alarms.
Obviously, people have the right to do whatever they want--but the disclosure just isn't there and people are being sold this stuff based on the idea it'll make them *healthier* and prevent disease. It can't and it won't.
If the claims here about weight in general are new to you, start here: (Don't love the title of the article, second the exasperation)
If you want to understand more about glp-1 agonists specifically, like, start with the Wikipedia article and do some googling it lays out the pharmacology in relatively plain language. Sry i ain't doing a buncha work to find citations ppl won't click; there's not a lot of good critical stuff out there that's actually published but it doesn't actually take a lot of reading up on critical weight science to form a critical take on the sources singing ozempics praises.
Peace, good luck, do whatever you want forever, maybe tell ur mom that this isn't any different from the disastrous weight loss fads of the 90s.
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the amount i wanna explore the immortal alliance is just So Much
okay there are LAYERS to how i feel about these events
because look guys, so far as we understand, airplane is a pretty normal dude. a bit of an internet troll (ok a lot of an internet troll), a horny writer, and an immature punkass who's completely shameless, but like... he's not a mass murderer ya'll.
it KILLS ME that we never got an airplane extra about the immortal alliance because dude HOW HE FELT ABOUT THAT IS A LOT
yeah, he's grown up in this world and yeah he might have had no choice either via the system or via mobei jun or a mix of both, but its absolutely bonkers to be able to just walk off "yeah, a bunch of CHILDREN died in really brutal ways directly because of my influence". like shen yuan was wracked with guilt for years and he only 'killed' one kid and he knew that kid would walk it off.
and i dont buy the explanation that airplane wasn't treating pidw like a real world because frankly... i just dont think that makes any fucking sense if he was born there. yeah, it's gotta feel a bit wonky and unreal with the system in his head, but dude he was BORN here. suspension of disbelief that this world wasn't 'real' wouldnt last a few years, much less several decades. the sheer number of people he would have met, interacted with, and knew were REAL wouldnt make it possible. i do think that he made a huge effort not to get attached to anyone, knowing that bing-ge was gonna kill the fuck out of basically all of them, but theres a big difference between "ahh yeah that guy is gonna die so imma try not to get attached" and "lol ive lived in this world for thirty years but i dont actually think any of this is real"
so look, theres two possibilities for airplane's reaction:
he really does have a seriously fucked up side of him thats 100% okay with murdering children
he was VERY not okay with what happened but he had no choice and he's just Coping the best he can
there's also some answers in-between, but fuck i need to know this answer so badly because knowing the answer to how airplane reacted to the immortal alliance is SO character defining and it drives me insane. characterizing a person who can justify children dying because "not my problem, idc" versus someone who's horrified and traumatized over the part they played in child murder IS KINDA A BIG DIFFERENCE
personally, im coming to a headcanon somewhere in the middle. because tbh none of the airplane extras really spend any time addressing him feeling any sort of guilt over the situation. which does make it seem that he really does have a seriously dark side to him. and he did walk off his fellow disciples getting murdered by mobei jun very easily. but also, i headcanon that he is just the Master of compartmentalizing shit that fucks with him. cant deal with the events of the immortal alliance? thats fine, imma just put those feelings in a box and Never Think About Them.
i actually like to think that airplane's issue with the immortal alliance is the exact reason that mobei jun showed up in person. airplane is doing the immortal alliance thing because the system isnt giving him a choice and he's trying Very Hard not to think about "oh wow, theres gonna be a lot of junior disciples dead by the end of this haha, wow, they look so young ahhahaha, did teenagers always look like toddlers??? bc this is fucking me up REALLY FUCKING BAD" and mobei jun notices that something is Really Wrong with airplane and he cant decide if he's worried or suspicious of airplane's behavior
so he decides to show up in person, just to make sure shang qinghua isnt gonna pull anything but also that the idiot doesnt die while he's acting So Weird
but i think that airplane is like hyper pragmatic
so he's horrified in the planning stages and maybe even in the execution stages, but once it's over he's very much "they're already dead, theres no changing that, theres no point agonizing over it" and its not that he's OKAY with what happened but he literally cannot justify tearing himself apart over people who are dead because that isnt going to help anything. they're not alive to see him upset over it and even if their ghosts could see him, they're not gonna really feel better over dying bc "the guy who killed me feels really bad about it"
i also think that the years airplane spent growing up as shang qinghua play into it A LOT. he's had decades to come to terms with the immortal alliance happening. he knows its a major plot point, it's basically one of two major plot points that shang qinghua has a part in, and the system is unlikely to let him get out of it. so he's spent a longgg time numbing himself to the reality of "im going to murder dozens of children"
this is all my speculations tho and i just wanna rip my hair out that we dont have an immortal alliance extra!!!!!! i just want to KNOW instead of guessing where his head is at. literally, if he doesnt feel any guilt over murdering children, that's kinda a Big Deal characterization-wise. and if he does feel guilt but he doesnt express it thats ALSO a Big Deal characterization-wise!!!
I JUST WANNA BE ABLE TO ACCURATELY PORTRAY HIS PERSONALITY FFFFUUUCCCKKKK I HATE THIS
anyway, im obsessed with the idea that mobei jun is the one who notices when airplane is Not Okay even when he's compartmentalizing like crazy. like airplane is so far down his hole of "its nbd and idc" that he actually believes it. he has to believe it to be able to live with himself. but the way he's fucked up shows up in other ways, maybe he's more forgetful than normal or scattered or clumsier or some mixture and mobei jun just Knows something is wrong, even when he doesnt know exactly what that wrong thing is
and like it becomes this thing where sometimes mobei jun knows airplane better than the little shit knows himself. airplane is so busy lying to himself to cope with his new reality and mobei jun sees through the lies that airplane believes.
but heres where mobei jun hits a problem lol. like, he knows theres something wrong, he knows how to read shang qinghua suupperr well, but does he know what to DO about any of that? absolutely not lmfao
"hm. qinghua is not okay. i should beat him four times today" LIKE THIS MAN DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO HELP EVEN WHEN HE UNDERSTANDS THE PROBLEM AND THAT'S HILARIOUS TO ME
like mobei jun shows up to the immortal alliance like "qinghua has been in pain over this. i'll show up unplanned and beat the shit out of him in front of everyone. that'll help."
i just think these two are an absolute disaster area and i love it
btw i am desperate for mobei jun's pov during the immortal alliance okay because LOOK
I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT ALOT
AND IM CONVINCED THAT MOBEI JUN /DID/ HAVE FEELINGS FOR AIRPLANE DURING THAT INCIDENT
BUT ALSO
ITS COMPLICATED
like i dont think mobei jun is simping like binghe, i think he's got some weird mixture of denial and affection and frustration and pining and hatred and suspicion thats all mixed up in all the best ways that during that time he is super in love with airplane but he's also got a lot of other Complicated feelings toward him AND I JUST WANNA SEE HIS POV TO PROVE MY HYPOTHESIS SO FUCKING BADLY WHY THE FUCK DO WE NEVER GET HIS POV IMMA SCREAM
mobei jun's fb status "its complicated"
airplane's fb status "single"
mobei jun: ...........im going to murder him. im going to murder him in his sleep. omfg i hate him so fucking much. WTF DO YOU MEAN SINGLE, YOU ASSHOLE
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stranger things season one 2016 was so fucking incredible. it exists as an entirely different entity to me than the rest of the show. you literally just had to be there. to this day nothing has ever come close to the amount of universal love for a fictional story that stranger things first received. ive been chasing this high for eight years.
#ik theres a lot of young fans of this show that are teenagers rn and listen#if you were too young to watch this when it first came out I DONT THINK YOU REALIZE HOW HUGE IT WAS AT THE TIME#THE FIRST TEASER FOR SEASON TWO LITERALLY PREMIERED DURING THE SUPERBOWL#THAT ALPHABET WALL DID SOMETHING TO OUR BRAINS AND CHANGED THE WAY WE MAKE AND CONSUME SCIFI FOREVER#i genuinely believe that scene of joyce looking around at all the lights is one of the most iconic scenes in tv history#like i cant even explain it to you we lost our fucking minds over this show it was unlike anything anybody has ever seen#this was such a pivotal memory of my junior and senior year year of high school#everyone was wearing merch my teachers would gush about it in class everyone tuned in to watch the cast on fallon it was EVERYWHERE#and do not even get me started on halloween that year oh my god#it was just so fucking fun i miss it#just rewatched s1 and all i can think about is 17 year old me losing my fucking mind#its such an amazing season#i do understand why some people say they wish it stopped at season one im glad they didnt but i see where theyre coming from#stranger things#byler
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after watching 4 whole seasons in less than 2 weeks i think house md is maybe the perfect example of why we need to bring back 20+ episode seasons. like yeah sure there's a very clear formula but: there's time to add sub-arcs! motifs! weird experimental episodes! the season finales actually feel like season finales because there's enough episodes in the rest of the season for the characters to have chances to breathe without sacrificing the momentum or wasting time. it actually feels like there's a passage of time happening without the need for explicit mid-season time skips or exposition dumps because, guess what, the season is long enough that time actually IS passing. when characters change their hair or visibly start to age it feels normal because again: time is actually passing in-universe. i yearn for the days when television actually felt like its own distinct thing!!!!!!! i also yearn for lisa cuddy but that's not the point here.
#house md#amber quoting “you cant always get what you want” in wilson's heart inspired me to make this post#because yeah. Yeah. that is how you do motif#and quite frankly i do not think it would have the same punch if the seasons were significantly shorter#motif is something you need to be subtle about in tv. because otherwise it feels boring and heavyhanded and pandering#i didn't really enjoy the “people don't change” thing house had going on in s4 because that season is a lot shorter#and it was starting to feel repetitive#(although that's not the writers' fault bc i know this was a strike season)#the point is. to thread a motif in tv you have to be delicate#you need to sprinkle it in SPARINGLY and save it for when it counts#that's why the 'you can't always get what you want' motif has been going so fucking hard for me#we get it once or twice a season MAX and it fucks every single time#can't do that in an 8 episode season i fear!
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blake lets him keep it. this is a dire lapse in judgement on his part but they're just gonna have to live with it. (ids in alts)
#niksartstuffs#furry hockey league#ocs#furry art#theyre both.... like. ok.#conor is like. nice and soft spoken and awkward and sweet but then every now & then does smth SO serial-killer-esque.#and you just have to stand there like okay my perception of this kid has been irrevocably changed forever. what the fuck man.#and blake is very outwardly offputting and bitchy kind of on purpose which hides a deep insecurity which also hides a belief that he is#in fact better than everyone else which also hides a desperate need for someone to pay special attention to him. tch. typical.#then conor does pay attention to him. a lot. and blake likes conor more and more the weirder and weirder he reveals himself to be. win-win.#that being said i dont think they are getting together until they're like. 10 years into their careers LMAO. i keep making the burn slower#every time i think abt it. a couple yrs and then 10 yrs next thing u know it'll be when they're retired.#wait... coaching a team together........... no no i cant keep doing this to them. whatever actually i can have AUs for my own universe.#conlake baseball au. make that a reality.#idk what their portmanteau ship name should be. in my mind they are the obnoxious main ship that ppl with good taste ignore in favour of#blake/lucas or something. anyway. its fun meta thinking about my own work. these tags have gotten so far away from me.
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not to mention the entire antaam fleet like 😭 that was the PERFECT moment to show off what the lords could do!!! The antaam fucked over rivain, theyve been a thorn in the whole nations side for a long time now, they would not pass up a chance for payback via full scale naval warfare so that the veilguard can do what they need to!! Sure dreadnoughts are dangerous but at this point they probably have tricks up their sleeve, thats one of the few things they have!
also wouldn't it be personal because does solas not try to blow up kont-aar because he's trying to 5d chess tevinter and the qunari into destroying each other. like. i know technically this would not be incredible widespread news because the attack was stopped, but i don't think the wonderful citizens of kont-aar would have missed the tsunami that nearly hit them and the shockwave that actually hit them. rumors go around. and i assume irian/vadis tell varric. who i think would tell isabela. who would tell the group she leads. who would care because ofc, they LIVE IN RIVAIN, and now know that solas and his followers thinks they can trade rivaini lives* to further his plans.
*while i also think there's probably a divide between kont-aar and the rest of the nation, it's one that the rivaini love to jump across and back over. an interesting comparison to be made here with most of rivain having similar sentiments towards dairsmuid and the chantry. like this is the country specifically mentioned to have a lot of citizens who follow the qun/are non-andrastian + it being MUCH more multicultural and accepting than other nations. any attack on rivain, even if it's a qunari settlement, would fan a lot of flames that solas cannot put out so the idea of trying to him taking multiple steps back because he didn't realise how intensely the qun/rivaini/lords would react is very fun for me. it would have been soo interesting for rivain to be a hub for efforts against solas because of how it's not influenced by andrastianism, how he (or his agents) specifically fucked them over, and (maddeningly for solas) also part of this resistance has spirits who willingly guide them against him. this could have even been a plot device where the door goes both ways and solas finds out rook's plans because he manages to eavesdrop through a seer or something.
and on the spirits. all the stuff where the mourn watch regularly communicates with spirits could have been done with rivain as well, and with different takes on being 'friendly' with spirits. iirc there's a spirit in the hall of valor which is so interesting but it's literally just there for flavour text. THERE'S A SPIRIT IN THE HALL OF VALOR THAT DOES NOTHING BESIDES LIKE. SAY HI. ??? bioware i would have liked to see more spirits and seers and the matriarchal pantheists you have talked about please. and also the idea of the peaceful qunari settlement being pushed to protect the country they are part of and what that means for them as qunari vs. rivaini. taash's storyline could have contributed to this . so A LOT less about choosing a side, more about how kont-aar has developed, changed, how rivain has influenced it and what it means to be qunari. not the qunari agents and fighters that we have seen, but their 'civillian' way of life in kont-aar.
complete waste not seeing any of established lore reflected in the lords of fortune or rivain because i stupidly actually thought we were going to see some kind of settlement and be introduced to a very different cultural norms.. in my beautiful mind i like to think taash is a little taken aback by how badly mages/elves/etc are treated. like they understood it was different outside of rivain (they would have been young when the dairsmuid circle annulment happened right? so they don't 'remember' it themself, they likely heard others talking about it when they're old enough to understand) but until they actually saw what was happening first hand, they had a weird dissonance about it. but what we got was a deserted beach, ties to another faction (wardens are fine!! they are great !!!! the fourth blight is interesting!!!! yet they are not the faction with a lack of info about them!!!!!) and also the hall of valor that exists as flavor text with nothing meaningful behind it besides a pub used in a few cutscenes and a minigame.
#it's just hard to discuss the qunari in general when it is so obviously written to be quote unquote bad#and theyre like. in veilguard. really just reduced to being an invading force. which they were before. but there's literally nothing else#not a single character that explains more about the qun or how it operates + the game presenting choices about taash#that obviously lean towards favoring rivain. god knows why. its not like we know enough about it to choose it#even a quick peek into a rivaini lifestyle would have been helpful. all we know are from lorebooks !!!!#its actually like. 'qun would have made taash into a weapon/they are actively invading treviso/theyre working w ghil+el/shathaan' etc#and then on rivain's side the points are just 'umm. well the lords are super nice. and love freedom... and its also NOT qunari!'#there ARE reasons to pick rivain just none of them are in the fuck ass game. no one who doesnt read the books would know this shit#does anyone know why the antaam are acting outside of their orders. i dont rmb if this was explained or if its supposed to be like#a very severe response to solas and defying orders to 'deal' with a threat?#but god. kont-aar as it exists is so interesting. maybe elements of like .#'the main qun ignore the changes in kont-aar/rivain because it's such an important part of their trade' situation. idk#i just cant see a lot of the extremely rigid qun followings actually meshing with this extremely 'accepting' culture that is in rivain#eg. rivaini seers allowing possessions vs. sareebas#but its said that the rivaini pantheists actually have lots in common with the teachings of the qun (?)#and again. its peaceful. most of the issues that are mentioned in games/etc are to do with the ORLESIAN chantry causing issues in rivain#so it just. makes me think. maybe things have changed and there's a blind eye to whatever happens in kont-aar#or if there are more hostilities or issues caused by their differing beliefs then it would be good to fucking like. hear about it#plus the qun in general is just. worldbuilding standpoint is like. what. im not a guy who knows too much about this part of da lore so#i had to fact check a few things while writing this response and some of the answers were like#just so unbelievable that im choosing to do whatever i want#anyways. sorry. got out of hand. let me know if anything i said isnt true#its entirely possible. my knowledge of rivain is patchwork but this is probably to do with the fact there's not a lot. yeah#god. i have to stop talking now. thank u anon for agreeing w me. sorry u asked me about the lords and i took it as an excuse#to air out my issues w rivain. because tyche was partially built up around that and then none of it even mattered#veilguard spoilers#answered#rivain
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That ended exactly how I expected it to and, as expected, I am entirely neutral on it. Wasn't a satisfying ending or a super hype ending or anything like that, literally just the ending that may as well have happened. Not a single thing surprised me that whole conclusion, it felt unfortunately predictable. You can tell he's excited for it's end though so I'm happy for Horikoshi regardless, hope he can get proper rest now.
#bnha#mha#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#mha 430#mha spoilers#bnha spoilers#spoilers#like yeah okay. quirkless. teacher. becomes hero anyway. yeah. left the ships open ended but after last chapter i expected that too.#none of the old bitches are dead somehow. literally an entire chapter full to the brim of just parallels to thw first chapter#which is a normal ending that a lot of stories opt for since it ties things together nicely. but idk. i was vaguely hoping for more?#just felt like a whole chapter of nodding my head and going yeah. yeah okay.#wish there had been something more emotional. also wish he had covered more characters endings. shirakumi got a micro panel#was hoping for a grand conclusion i guess and instead got the average shounen time skip. but ykw its better than demon slayer and narutos#so f it ill take it whatever man#i am happy its over tho. ive loved it for so long im happy i was here to see the ending live. guess I'm just bittersweet idk#still hyperfixated tho so i dont imagine my posts will change#cant wait for the art book fan book movie and special announcement tho yipeee#o shit i typed shirokimi earlier. i meant shirakumo. kurogiri. bros conclusion was a micro panel of a fucking tombstone
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Made another spindle. It's very small. Also very irregular and lumpy due to the wood (I wanted the raised brown lines to stay and erred on the side of caution in how much I cut away...but that did lead to a very irregular spindle).
It also wanted to crumble as I carved, so pretty much all the fine tuning I just did by sanding it, which helps to compress the fibers down as well as remove material without crumbling or splintering.
It really came to life when I oiled it. Probably will be best after a few good coats and some time. My woodburning kit seems to be totally gone, which is a bummer. So I'm not woodburning anymore.
Spins well. Obviously being so tiny and light it was always going to be a fine spinning spindle, but effortless thread from an unprepped piece of fleece is pretty indicative as well. I seem to find myself carving mostly thread spindles at the moment. They're always so small and light in the hand, they remind me of holding baby birds.
#hurt a lot and its the only physical task ive managed today in any capacity#and it exhausted me and im falling over frequently#just from walking the 20 steps to my lawn chair outside the gate and whittling a small spindle#my sister was suggesting activities we could do but they all require holding things really#can barely even hold my phone to type rn#i also cant stop wondering if each spindle is the last i will ever be able to carve because they are so difficult#and take a pretty heavy toll on me. really upsetting to think about because i love whittling#and in an ideal world i would spend a significant amount of time in pursuit of making spindles#but i can't and each one is more difficult and painful#this one i was wondering at what point it becomes unsafe because i lose precision with the knife#when the pain is so bad im dissociating#which i was#switched to sanding instead then#idk man. could i have a shred of certainty about my body ? is that so much to ask for ?#things change and get worse so rapidly i never even have time to adjust to my new norm#there is no norm just rapid decline#i wouldnt have pushed thru the hell that was my teens and childhood if i knew this was what was next#oh well. here i am. whittling spindles thru the blinding pain anyway#what else can you fucking do#spindle making#whittling#supported spindle#vent in tags
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Upcoming Ballad changes 👀?
#loz au#wip#Ballad (Kheprriverse)#they/he#thinking about his design a lot more >> just how some things came to be#as I change FD I also change Ballad since theyre kinda linked (lol)#the white in their hair also changed a bit. more prominent + starts on left side of their usual part#but him in his main casual outfit + the green half-tunic is now just a cloth#switched his belt coz thats been bothering the fuck outta me#also changing his biggoron sword because that fucker cant have a single consistent design#yknow after all the trouble i went through making its oh ref twice#scarred eye is now his left (he’s left handed) + starts where the eye is for uh. lore.#also he doesnt close his eye often anymore. tho i may give him some sorta patch to cover it… not sure yet. probably wont#i’ll get to his armor eventually. that ones gotta take a lot of thinking.#ballad’s kind of the main character so I do wanna get their design how i want#they’re justa dad who wants to get everything done with so they can go back to their wife and son#*dont worry about the weird coloration in one spot. i use an auto action to auto-color my line art before i go in manually*#Kheprriart
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does anyone else have problems like. i cant watch movies if my room is messy. i cant listen to music in the bathroom bc its like, a dirty place and i dont want the music to know im cleaning my bathroom or whatever the fuck it is. i cant write a paper in a stained shirt bc ive got these invisible eyes on me n it’s embarrassing. im exploring the idea that i might actually have OCD n not just a half hearted suggested diagnosis from when i was like 10 n this sounds like bizarre behavior so idk does anyone know anything. i would love to just live my life
#it took me years to be ok w changing clothes or eating w the tv on.#im gearing up to explain to my therapist that when i was young my main coping mechanism for abuse#was that really intense daydreaming but in particular id imagine a fictional character or someone i admired was with me at all times like.#watching. n i could talk to them in my head n live in kind of an alternate world#but then it fucked me over bc as i got older i still felt like someone is with me 24/7#like to this day i do not feel alone ever bc theres some crazy invisible audience watching me#so i already have a lot of embarrassing things ive done in front of ppl to deal with but on top of that#im just always embarrassed bc theres someone watching me like eat chips in my recliner without makeup on#its insane.#anyway i cant watch movies if my room is messy n it pisses me off. JUST RELAX
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the tragedy in night and day doesn't lie in the accident because day doesn't blame night for the accident (not really, not in the way night blames himself). the tragedy in night and day lies in day having wanted night to be his big brother but feeling like he had to take on that roll for night instead and night having wanted day to be his little brother who is as proud of him as he is of day but being unable to figure out how to get there before the accident. the tragedy lies in day not understanding why night couldn't step up until after day went blind ('im just so damn lucky to be blind') and their mother and the world started treating him like a tragedy; leaving him feeling like night has always been jealous of him and is only stepping up to take the place of the golden son of the family now that it's up for grabs. the tragedy lies in night not being able to communicate to day that he was always proud of him and that him showing up to his sporting events only after day went blind isn't because day is blind now but because he has always loved him and supported him ('this is my little brother. he's a junior athlete on the national team') but now it's impossible to convince day of his sincerity and night can't forgive himself. the tragedy of night and day lies in these brother not having been given the time to naturally grow out of this crooked brotherly dynamic that was put upon them and now they're stuck under all this weight both unable to leave the night of the accident when they're around each other. the tragedy in night and day is that tomorrow isn't guaranteed and they are too stuck in the past to look at today.
#last twilight#i have a lot of thoughts about feeling like you have to be the older sibling while you arent#i have a lot of thoughts about the sick pride and sadness that comes with being praised over your sibling for being the 'good one'#i also have a lot of thoughts about feeling like a failure compared to someone you love so deeply#about sibling rivalry and jealousy and the feeling like you are competing because of all this external pressure#when all you need is a brother#i have a lot of thoughts about a great many things concerning the mother and the father and the family dynamic and how#night and day were shaped into who they were and how it informed their relationship#about nights guilt and sadness and days anger and resentment#but in the end i just keep thinking about how day is the one who is called to pick night up when hes so drunk he cant walk#and how night gifted day a pet goldfish; named it little day and how despite days claims to hate the name and never wanting the pet#he never changed the name and watching the goldfish became the highlight of his day for a year#im very emotional about them and i need them to fucking talk soon okay
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i havent even watched legacy yet but that fucking kh world did some.. unexpected things to me (update: i watched it. the movie was okay. <- short for im deranged about it but it missed so much opportunities and omfg i cant list all of my thoughts here.)
#beep boop you want fries with that#kingdom hearts#re:kh#re:ddd#sora#quorra#tron#riku#was trying to redesign rinzler’s helmet bc god. its. kinda fucking boring. leaning into the beast more#also teh helmets eyes are supposed to look angry when its down and sad when its up. bwaaa#i heard rinzler acts like a cat. thats soemthing to look forward to when i watch the movie. grins.#the three dots are supposed to be the classic t. btw.#theres four you just cant see the last one.#made sora look more liek his space paranoids look because he needs to retain the 80s swag.#this reads like a change log.#and my good friend quorra. idk if i’ve even posted that redesign b4.#yes im making her quote the ur my pockets eddie post#i think she needs to chew on things. maybe she should maul clu with her fucking teeth.#shes so unorthadox girl to me. do you see my vision.#also dw about riku falling or paralelling tron or anything hes fiiine.#speaking of the falling art. its old. so its inaccurate to how i draw riku now#before my brain was huge basically.#its so funny how i drew this much art for legacy like. i love tron 1982. i havent watched legacy yet but i feel like im gonna hate it.#the kh world was okay but it had a lot of potential and. uh. made me a BIT insane at the last part in sora’s story (EXPLODES)#also this post is tagged re:ddd for. reasons. dw about it.#ANYWAY GN ITS 1 AM. RUNS AT MACH SPEED.
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anyway. two years ago i never ever left the house, barely interacted with anyone, struggled to engage with my hobbies, had no sense of personhood at all & spent all my time contemplating a way out of it all
today my best friend flew halfway across the world to come and spend time with me
#not the sappy post i was thinking of but. im contemplatingthe changes in reality#a lot is not better. many things are still so hard#but i have friends. i hve so many friends so many people i talk to.#sage is sleeping in the next room#im a fundamentally different person than i was. than i thought i could be#and its all because of this fucking show#for all i could sy about it. its given me all this#its given me friendship and love and joy in living again#its given me hope#nyxtalks#if youre reading this i love you <3#i tend to assume the people who read my tags are my friends who i interact with so please know. you personally changed my life#at least a little bit. even if you think you didnt#i cant express how much i have been changed by izzy fandom#i dont think anyone could ever understand#i wasnt a person before#im still figuring it out. but its better now. im not alone#so really truly. i love you. it means the world to me even if all it is is clicking tumblr posts#tw suicide#a lil.
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The concept of queerbaiting annoys me. I was told that it refers to a work of fiction pretending to cater to a queer audience but then pulling back from it to avoid alienating homophobes, which is an incredibly specific thing. But a lot of people seem to think that it instead means "any time there's any gay subtex, metaphor, or ambiguity" or "whenever something from 1995-2012 was being a normal amount of homophobic for the era."
#I've secondhand seen the way Sherlock...was.#And yeah that's very pointedly cruel to the audience.#But not everything is that aware of its following to point by point mock them for half an hour.#And I think people forget that for a period there was a unique combination of awareness of gay people and homophobia bad#and a severe need to avoid being perceived as gay (and sometimes homophobic) at the same time#while it was ALSO very acceptable to treat the existence of gay people and homophobia or discomfort with both as a joke#so that whole wink wink nudge nudge dance was a huge thing in some of the 90s and earlier 2000s#and sometimes by doing that people accidentally made it seem even more fucking gay.#Or on purpose. People also forget that yeah gay people could exist as a joke but they couldn't be casual protags or w/e.#It wasn't really done like that.#I think what it's really proof of is that the 90s/early 2000s is long enough ago that people have become illiterate to the cultural cues.#When comedians complain 'you cant make jokes anymore' sometimes this is the exact thing they're referring to.#Gay people being on TV or in books isn't some funny joke you make anymore. Just being gay or seen as gay isn't the punchline it used to be.#People are shitty about it still but it's in a different way now. Being gay isn't as much the big embarrassment it used to be.#Gay tv shows and books are a whole market now. And stuff like Sherlock or supernatural were made right in the middle of that shift.#It's the only way you could position a strategy like this. I don't know if that cultural moment really exists anymore.#Audience backlash is also more massive and in real time.#Now instead of mockery at the idea of idk Dr house md being gay conservatives would see it as a 'culture war' thing.#And non conservatives are more vocal and more liable to criticize. TV shows are seen as keepers of culture in ways they weren't before.#I don't know how to describe it exactly. I'm not an expert and I know I'm missing some pieces or things I wanted to point out.#But yeah I just think people kind of. Forgot how people treated gayness as some kind of cootie disease you had to say#You didn't have really hard all the time. People are still sort of like that but idk the language changed.#A lot of talk about homophobia and queerness is very pseudo-academic now. The distancing happens with different signifiers.#But. Yeah.#☠️#I also think queerbaiting requires a specific kind of intent as a marketing strategy.#Instead of the more likely 'well we have an unintended gay following now so I guess we can throw in some fanservice#the network would literally never allow us to do anything with it even if we wanted to though.'
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its wild just realizing how much people have done and experienced and how prepared they are for what's to come when i am . very much not . lmao
#having my daily ''oh my god i need to change my program'' crisis#its just idk . i feel like im woefully underprepared for doing any of this kinda stuff when everyone around me already knows#what theyre doing and what they wanna get out of it. idk.#and i have a slightly better idea of what i want to do but i havent figured out how im gonna get there.#and idk.#we were talking about what we want to do with this line of study after graduating and the only thing i could think of#was that i didnt choose this specific field because of what it had to offer#i chose it because it was the easiest way to get out of the situation i was in for a LOT of fucking reasons#and now that im out i guess i can start thinking abt what i really wanna get out of all this. idk.#probably gonna need to wait till next semester anyway but thats fine. ive been waiting for this for 20 years i can wait a little longer#but idk i guess its just a little frustrating feeling so Behind everyone else.#but i guess this is what happens when u pack ur whole life into 2 suitcases to escape a high control cult. who knew!!!#its time for dinner and i crave my daily portion of chow mien. and then i will watch show 3 inches from my computer screen so i can see.#winter speaks#overall i am vibing. a little frustrated with myself but it cant be helped. i am vibing :]#personal
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My madoka magica hot take is I like sayaka/kyoko as a ship more than madoka/homura
#madoka magica#both ships are very very good and make me feral but god kyoko/sayaka really caters to me#i am biased cuz sayaka is my favorite character lol and i just want good things for her#but i mean we get them as enemies fighting to the death obsessively like sayaka gets so focused on proving herself to kyoko she cant think#of anything else and she wastes her energy fighting her instead of witches and just the foil like#both used their wish to grant something for someone else and kyoko lost everything as a result and decided that nothing good will ever come#of helping others so she should only look after number one and of course shed think that cuz shes all she has left#meanwhile sayaka refuses to take care of herself because she never wants others to suffer so she only exists for others#and both of them change their perspectives in pursuit of each other theyre literally red and blue#and i love seeing the development of their relationship and kyokos feelings i love her offering to kill ryosuke for sayaka#and how terrified she is in that moment when she sees sayakas lifeless body separated from the soul gem#or how she shares her story and remembers why she started fighting because of sayaka and fucking#THE WAY SHE ACTS SELFLESSLY AND STUPIDLY OPTIMISTIC TO SAVE SAYAKA FROM HER WITCH FOR#THE WAY SHE SACRIFICES HERSELF TO CONNECT WITH HER THE LOVE SONG#THEM HOLDING HANDS WHILE SAYAKA CRIES AND KYOKO IS THERE FOR HER AND THEY UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER SO WELL#god fucking dammit these fucking gay people are ruining my sleep#yeah idk if its obvious but i have a specific type when it comes to ships i love when characters beat each other up and are the center of#each others motivations and go through the horrors together and come out the other side and love each other deeply#love each others flaws and theres understanding and tenderness#i haaaave to draw them but i also have to draw a lot of blorbos rn alkksk
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