#im gearing up to explain to my therapist that when i was young my main coping mechanism for abuse | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

newfeeling77 · 5 months ago

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does anyone else have problems like. i cant watch movies if my room is messy. i cant listen to music in the bathroom bc its like, a dirty place and i dont want the music to know im cleaning my bathroom or whatever the fuck it is. i cant write a paper in a stained shirt bc ive got these invisible eyes on me n it’s embarrassing. im exploring the idea that i might actually have OCD n not just a half hearted suggested diagnosis from when i was like 10 n this sounds like bizarre behavior so idk does anyone know anything. i would love to just live my life

#it took me years to be ok w changing clothes or eating w the tv on.#im gearing up to explain to my therapist that when i was young my main coping mechanism for abuse #was that really intense daydreaming but in particular id imagine a fictional character or someone i admired was with me at all times like.#watching. n i could talk to them in my head n live in kind of an alternate world #but then it fucked me over bc as i got older i still felt like someone is with me 24/7 #like to this day i do not feel alone ever bc theres some crazy invisible audience watching me #so i already have a lot of embarrassing things ive done in front of ppl to deal with but on top of that #im just always embarrassed bc theres someone watching me like eat chips in my recliner without makeup on #its insane.#anyway i cant watch movies if my room is messy n it pisses me off. JUST RELAX

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