#and a $10k deductible

[shanlonwrites]

Working a remote job alongside US Americans is... eye opening.

Canadians, if you think you understand how bad the US healthcare system is, you don't.

You never do.

It always surprises you by being somehow worse than you think it is.

[bsdyaoi]

My mom's way of trying to convince me to not transition is to tell me how ugly I'm going to look so I just Know when I end up getting top surgery she's gonna tell me how ugly my chest is going to look. Idk not gonna stop me.

[cupidford]

From the diaries of John Watson, 221B Baker Street by Elofant

ACD/Victorian. After a case, Doctor Watson gets a lecture on the art of deduction by one Sherlock Holmes, that takes an unexpected turn...

Johnlock Love Letters #2297

[objectosexual]

Tumblr objectum nation send me good vibes that everything regarding my car will end up okay

[cheesebearger]

i have 0 motivation moving into this semester. i have to finish a dissertation chapter, i have to teach 2 classes. the world is ending and im just here making fucking syllabi so i can get my biiiiiiig old paycheck of 630 bucks biweekly that immediately vanishes to pay all bills

[ratskcoreddie]

finish what you started

(bully!eddie x fem!reader)

introduction: eddie had always been so mean to you growing up and had been getting progressivly worse with the coming years. now a senior you celebrated your last homecoming at a party you unwilling attended. you just hoped you wouldn't run into the man you dreaded most. [WC: 10k] this started as a request but developed into this monster. it wasn't really proof read and is all over the place but i really love it. check out the request @honeybelle99 sent here!

tropes: enemies to lovers. porn with plot. oblivious to love.

warnings & tags: 18+, bully!eddie, fem!reader, slight angst, self doubt, strong language, suggestive language, swearing, drinking, teasing, smoking, sexual tension, dominance, eddie is mean in a teasing way, nicknames, eddie being a simp, confessions, intoxicated sex, unprotected sex, this isn't proof read.

parings: bully!eddie x fem!reader.

you shouldn’t be here. you didn’t like parties in the first place. it was your boyfriend that had convinced you that you deserved a night out after a successful homecoming at hawkins high. it had been a long busy week for all the students and apparently now it was time to “let loose”. there were parties being hosted everywhere throughout the small town but the real rager was being thrown at steve harrington’s. anyone who knew someone, who knew steve, got in. it was why you had an invite. 

you yourself didn’t know steve much, but you had been a victim of his long time best friend, eddie munson. that awful man doubled as your sworn enemy. 

class of ‘86 had grown up together from pre-k to senior year. eddie had always been a year ahead of you until recently when he was held back. you dreaded that he had been pulled from graduating. the first three years of your high school career the asshole would pick on you. you thought you would’ve been free by now but you had underestimated his laziness and his determination to make every day for you living hell. you hated eddie munson. you hated how he treated you and his peers, how loud he was, how confident, you despised him. you couldn’t believe you still had an entire semester to go. and in the spring? you would be required to walk the same gradation stage as him. 

his sadistic personality towards you was awful. each of his actions had become a blur but you loathed the recurring events the most. between classes he would slam your locker shut in your face just to hear you let out a pathetic whine at him. he’d pick on you at lunch time by pulling you to the side and saying the most vulgar things in your ear. after a few sentences you would lose your appetite and he’d steal your lunch. always casually walking away with a statement of “love that i can count on you, babe”. in shared classes he would steal your answers or convince you to let him borrow your notes (only because he needed to copy them for a test).

besides the thought of his looming presence, the party was grand. there were jocks running up and down the stairs with paint on their bare chest, girls were on the kitchen counter letting strangers do body shots off of them, trashy red solo cups littered the halls, and you heard someone announce that ‘king steve’ was about to take on an entire keg by himself. grand it was, the environment was still to busy for you. further deducting you to someone who absolutely did not like parties. to make things worse the taste of liquor on your tongue wasn’t muffling the impact of the overstimulation one bit. 

you took another shot before you moved to the back door of steve’s home. you made an exit hoping to catch some fresh november air. regain your composure before going back inside to bum a ride off of anyone. your boyfriend had been missing in action for over an hour. pulling open the door gave you a sense of relief, as you pushed it shut the sounds of the crowd muffled. you took a step out onto the grass. it helped that this new environment was quiet, better yet, it lessened the chances of bumping into eddie. 

so you thought.

you should’ve known you would’ve found him there. eddie wasn’t a fan of parties either due to his social class. he was sitting under a tree across the yard with a freshly lit joint in his mouth. you watched him from a few feet away. his sudden presence had made you wish to turn and run from him. he lifted his head slightly at you and gave you a sick grin. you could only stare. it was just the two of you in the dark yard. how reserved you both were from the rest of the student body made chills run up your spine. rumors weren’t sparse when it came to the devilish boy and he was always such an asshole to you at school. because of his behavior, a feeling of dread always sat at the bottom of your stomach. you couldn’t help but wonder if what you overheard was true. you had to face that reality being alone with him. part of you grew excited at the thought of being able to lash out at him now that he didn’t have his friends or a crowd of onlookers to perform for. the idea of giving him a taste of his own medicine pumping adrenaline through your body. 

he grinned like a cheshire cat. his eyes sparkled at you under the moonlight. eddie continued playing with the joint between his teeth, rolling it with his tongue every once in a while. “what are you doin’ out here, sweetheart?” he laughed at you. “get lost looking for someone..?” he paused, “or were you looking for some trouble”. the lighter he must’ve used to light his smoke was dancing between his fingers. light from the moon was reflecting off of the silver as it sparkled. the object looked so small in his big hands.

you were quiet on your feet as you walked closer. you watched as the once seated tall dark figure moved to stand. he was just a shadow when you spotted him from the backdoor but as he moved the light of the house illuminated him. it wasn’t on purpose that you found him, it was more like fate. your curiosity urged you to find out what he was doing at the far end of the backyard. your mind raced as you began to think of what to say to him while you both slowly inched closer. before you even had time to think he was in front of you. he crossed his arms and snapped his lighter shut. you jumped. the action made him chuckle at you. the sound was low and from the depths of his chest. he puffed out his chest. 

you puffed your chest back and glared at his nonverbal teasing. you thought you had caught a glimpse of nervousness on his face at your actions but that couldn’t be true. the two of you stared at each other for a bit. you couldn’t tell because of his hard exterior but eddie’s heart began to race. he had been drinking throughout the night too and being intoxicated always made his brain a little hazy. “hi, eddie”, you barked at him. 

he liked the way you said his name in that tone. it was why he always pried and picked on you. you noticed his suggestive glance as he looked you up and down. a predatorial glint was swimming in his eyes. he wouldn’t ever admit it but he was hoping he would see you tonight, and god he was so glad the stars aligned. you were wearing a cute outfit. a swallowing brown patterned sweater on your frame, and hip hugging blue wide cut jeans. a jacket that was lined with fleece to keep you warm sat rested on your shoulders while your big boots tied the look together. eddie never understood what came over him when you were around but it was almost like you boosted his testosterone levels. the need to have dominance over you was astounding. he felt overly confident.

his adrenaline mixing with the alcohol in his body was dangerous. 

“hi, pretty girl..” eddie bent slightly down to your eye level with his words. as he moved he puffed smoke out of the corner of his lip at you. you swatted it out of your face and coughed away from his direction to shield your embarrassment. after you had regained your posture you looked up to find the man leaning over your frame and laughing.

“hey!” you jabbed him in the chest with your finger to warn him to back up. he didn’t move an inch. “you’re such an ass, eddie. i wasn’t going to run away from you and give you the satisfaction this time. i wanted to be nice”. he giggled, “oh, baby i'm so so sooo sorry i’ve ruined your plans of being nice to me” he teased. “you wanna start over, doll? we can try again. promise ill be good for ya this time”. he smiled stupidly while standing up straight and waiting for your next greeting. his irises were dark and shielded by his eyelashes as he stared.

“i.. what are you doing out here?” you questioned him instead of offering a greeting like he thought you would. “oh, now you’re interrogating me? can i remind you that you were the one that walked out here and to me? i didn’t even have to whistle you over here”. he said the last statement as if you were some pet to him. “no, i'm not interrogating you, eddie. unless there’s something you shouldn’t be doing out h-...”, your words slowly died on your tongue as he raised an eyebrow and pulled the lit joint away from his damp lips. he laughed at your speechlessness, your body tensed. 

“mhm”, he let the lit smoke fall to his side as his fingers pinched it tight. “wanna know a secret?” you slightly nodded. “i think you wandered out here to me because you’re nosey… you wanna know what the town's misfit gets up to when he’s not picking on his favorite girl, baby?” he gave you a wolfish smirk. you sent him a death stare at his gross pet names. “oh, don’t look at me like that, you know i love when you’re all pouty for me..” eddie lifted his hand to take his third or fourth drag of the night. 

“god, you’re so gross. i'm so glad i won't have to hear your stupid insults when you leave next semester..” you tone was a whisper though you meant it. eddie acted overly insulted. “oww, words hurt, you know? it’s really rude to say something like that to someone that’s been such a constant in your life”, he smiled. you pushed a flat palm into his chest with as much force as you could muster. “oh so it’s fine for you to call me names?? but as soon as i do it your act crumbles?” you knew he was being sarcastic with his comment but it set you off, you continued, “i hear it almost everyday, ‘baby’, ‘sweetheart’, ‘doll’, and what about your favorites huh? ‘whore’, ‘slut’. what about those words, eddie?” each vowel you said was a blow to his chest. he stepped back from you but not before he grabbed your wrist to stop your assaults. he pulled you into a close proximity with his burning grip. 

eddie had subtly and secretly pulled his hand holding his joint away from you, careful not to inflict a burn on your delicate skin. he would hate himself if he caused an accident like that but he didn't let his tenderness for you shine through his knives of assertion. “hey! you watch it!”, eddie growled at you. his tone almost shut your body down. you could tell he was mad now. “i only call you a whore because you deserve it. always fucking sucking face with your piece of shit boyfriend. i think you need the judgment. maybe if i keep it up i’ll see it less and less, hmm?” you cowered under his gaze and trembled in his grip. “oh i know why you came to find me now, you wanted to get me alone so you could take it all out on me didn’t you? wanted to give me a taste of my own medicine”. eddie read your mind. his grip loosened on you but you didn’t dare move. “whatever … an- and.. he can’t fucking kiss you anyways, such a slob with you”. he mumbles.

eddie didn’t elaborate his statement but he let it linger. it hung in the air over the both of you as he glanced at your lips. you caught him but he didn’t care, he studied them. they were damp with your hot breaths in the cold, almost winter air. he was breathing in what you were exhaling. he could smell your pretty perfume and shampoo. you felt your heart begin to race and your cheeks heated up the space between your bodies. he couldn’t shy away from his own doing the same. you wiggled against him to shift your body weight onto your other foot. he didn’t like your struggle. you felt him move his own feet with yours, eddie’s big boots boxing you in even more. you felt his hard metal belt buckle dig into the side of your hip. his cuff of his leather jacket was cold on the exposed skin of your wrist he continued to hold.

eddie smiled childishly at you. the new expression was something you hadn’t seen from him before. you moved your chin down to avoid his stare but as you pulled away, he just as easily let your wrist go and instead gripped your chin. with his thumb and pointer finger he held you. you fought to keep your eyes away from him to the best of your ability. eddie huffed, he pinched your face harder. “look at me”, as soon as you did you wished you hadn’t. his look was determined and sultry. his bangs framed his face messily. you had never been this close and his features were easy to get lost in. he was pretty, which was such a huge inconvenience for you to realize now that you were alone, it was dark, and he was this close. “don’t go shy on me after having that burst of attitude. c’mon you wanna give it to me? then give it to me, baby”. 

your thoughts raced back to your boyfriend. you shouldn’t have been talking with eddie like this. you pulled away from him and turned your head back to the sliding glass doors of steve’s house. they looked so far away. when you looked back at eddie your eyes were wide. you noticed his tongue twirling the joint between his lips. waiting for a response from you. you dared to indulge. his gaze fell to your lips again. his cheeks burned red when he felt your stomach slightly bumping into his own. you stole a look at his lips like he had moments ago. you watched him nervously wet his lips. your cheeks blushed even deeper. eddie smirked at you and tested the waters of your new expression. he stuck out his tongue further and licked his sharpest canine tooth. you were mesmerized.

your stomach flipped. you wondered what he was thinking. “what do you know about kissing?” you blurted out without thinking. eddie coo’d at you “i know far more than your stupid boyfriend, i guarantee it.” eddie said with confidence. he crossed his hands over his chest, now that space was granted between you. you mirrored his actions and your forearms grazed his. you shrugged his suggestive gesture off. you were certain he was just bluffing. his rough exterior surely scared any girls he tried to smooth talk away, as he had tried many times with you. 

but now you weren’t scared, now you were looking to pick a fight. you decided to ignore his comment about his kissing skills to avoid yourself from growing more hot. this conversation could easily take a more suggestive turn if you urged him on, and you weren’t going to let him win the stand off. you wracked your brain for ways to shut him down before speaking again. your next sentence tried to change the subject, but it definitely fell short.

“you’re right. he’s a shit kisser, but that’s none of your business and you don’t have to be mean about it.” the drinks you had doubled as truth serum. he whined pathetically at you, “wasn’t trying to be mean. if anything you’re being mean to me for a change.” you frowned, “seriously?”. “yeah, you told me i'm ‘such an ass’ and then started hitting me.. don’t think i deserved that. you’re so cold hearted, you know?” he giggled.

the playful banter you shared made you both smile. the absurdity of your dynamic was so dramatic. the buzz was hitting your system hard and he was right there with you. you watched eddie as he bent down at the waist to grab his almost empty beer off of the ground. he must’ve been babysitting that while outside by himself. when he raised back up he tilted his head back and drank the rest of the can. you watched his adam’s apple bob up and down while he chugged the golden liquid. a bit fell from the corner of his lips and down his throat. you watched as it dripped down to his shirt collar. when you reached the edge of the garment you noticed a tear. under the rip was his sharp collar bones. his pale skin contrasted against the darkness. you noticed a dark inky black line through the split of the aged t-shirt. it peeked at you. when he was done eddie dropped the can. 

when he connected your eyes to his quicker than you could register, eddie noticed you watching him intently. the fresh liquor in his system gave him another boost of confidence. he stepped to you. the distance between you two closed just mere inches between your bodies in a now comfortable silence. his frame was large, his body casted a shadow that consumed you. you had always thought there wasn’t much of a height difference between you two, but now you weren’t as sure. no matter the inches and centimeters you tried to think about, the numbers didn't help to busy your brain. you knew even if there was a large difference, eddie was sure to make you feel small under him in anyway. that's how it has been your entire life.

you watched his left hand raise between your bodies and to his lips. still holding onto his darling joint. he submitted to placing it once again between his teeth. the hot cherry on the end was slowly dying because of the icy outdoors. you blushed as he caught you stealing another glance at his lips. you seemed so intrigued by him now, not angry or upset. eddie realized you weren’t just looking at his lips for no reason. the tension he craved was there. the tension he thought he would never be a witness to snap. he was always so desperate for you to see how badly he wanted your attention but it was hard for him to express his feelings and he knew it was even harder for you to catch onto his rude ass behavior translating to him flirting. he didn’t blame you for hating him after all these years, he hated himself for it.

your attentiveness caused his body to ignite. you wanted something more now, and he so desperately wanted to provide anything to you. he wished he could read your mind to know what you were thinking. his eye contact didn’t budge from yours as he slowly pulled his lighter back out of his pocket. when his fingers couldn’t quite grab a hold of it his eyes trailed away from yours and down to his jeans.

“fuck.” he grunted.

you felt frozen. the vulgar word was said in just a breathy whisper, it gave you goosebumps. not in a bad way like before, just different. he grabbed his lighter and put it between the two of you. his tone was gentler because of how close he was. making sure that you would know he wasn’t directing the term towards you and instead the inconvenience his overly tight pants were causing him.  his hot breath brushed over the sparked flame putting it out and in its path you felt it on your cheek. he clumsily tried to light it again. 

after the constant spin of the wheel and the strain of his hands, his actions snapped you out of your daze. when you realized he was trying to spark a flame. you let out a sweet giggle. eddie looked at you before watching you take the lighter away from him. he gave you a glare while you continued to laugh at him softly. it was directed at him but he didn’t feel spiteful like he usually did when people laughed at him. eddie craved to have you laugh at him, craved to be the sole reason he heard that sound fall from your lips. 

he was so soaked up in each of your expression  as you moved in front of him with his lighter in your hands. eddie left out a small grunt when his fingers lightly brushed against yours. he wouldn’t have caught it himself if you hadn’t pointed it out, “stop whining, let me help you”. he willingly let you take it into your hands. he was quite possessive over his belongings so him letting you just snag his lighter was a very big deal to him. the contact of your hands made shivers go down his spine. 

his hands were warm compared to yours. the only contrast was his cold rings. in one motion your small thumb sparked the flame of the lighter. he looked back up and your eyes met once again. eddie motioned his hand to take it away from you as he nodded appreciatively, but gave you a confused look when you wouldn’t give it back. you swatted his hands away. you held the lighter in your right hand. the flame burned. you moved your vacant left hand onto his lips slowly. your palm touched the bottom of his chin while your cold fingers pinched the joint out of his mouth. your fingers lingered on his lips longer than they should have.

in an instant eddie’s confidence shattered. he let your motions continue as he was stuck watching you. his cheeks burned a brighter red then the flame. you gave him a smirk as you placed his joint between your lips. successfully stealing it from him. you tasted eddie, the damp end was sweet but there was a touch of beer that laced the end of it. your hands cupped the flame while relighting the smoke for him.

you snapped the zippo shut. his jaw dropped. 

eddie watched you spark a bright red cherry between your lips with your lungs. you inhaled the smoke easily, and pulled it away from your lips. eddie turned away from you to avoid your eyes, he was flustered. his jeans tightened around his groin. he tried to not think about your soft, plush, lips that stole his joint. he felt you pull his chin back to face you with your index and thumb, just like he had previously. your hand on his face startled him, your touch was cold. he almost let a sigh leave his chest, but he held it back. you moved in just a bit closer before a big cloud of smoke left your throat and puffed into eddie’s face. the boy began coughing while you laughed. when the cloud cleared you noticed eddie hadn’t really moved away from where he stood. he liked how close he was. you pulled the joint away from your mouth while looking into his eyes. you spoke in a sultry whisper, eddie barely heard you.

“you know, you really shouldn’t be smoking these. kills your brain cells.” you said softly. “oh, yeah? and what do you know about smoking?” he teased. “far more than you’d imagine, munson. I guarantee it.” you mocked his earlier jab at you about your boyfriend.

your comment reminded eddie of the conversation you previously shared. he gulped, lost in thought while he watched your hand raise back up to your face. you inhaled deeply, the musky taste of the plant covered your tastebuds. when you exhaled you turned your face away from him. eddie was in a daze. his eyes trailed up and down your features. you turned your face back to his, luckily you didn’t catch him that time, he would’ve died of embarrassment. your faces were a little more than inches apart. 

he wished he could have the strength to get closer. to really close the distance. this wasn’t like him. he never dared to come onto you intimately, scared of rejection, and he definitely never expected you to have the courage to stay so near. after he had been tearing you down for years it was surprising. he always knew you were strong willed but this was another level. he didn’t know if you wanted to get to know this eddie munson. the eddie he hid from everyone, the eddie that he acted like a hardhead because he had to. now he couldn’t be mean as he melted at your soft gaze. the poor boy had imagined what he would do if he ever ended up in a position like this with you. on several occasions it was after a long week of classes, in his own bed with his hand between his sweaty thighs. 

his blissful stare gave you the confidence to speak again. you had no clue what came over you but you decided to be alluding. it could’ve been the mood that you two found yourselves wrapped up in. or the unspoken tension. you knew this was bad. your boyfriend that hated eddie more than you was only ten or so feet away, partying in the house behind you. you weren’t the only victim to his constant bullying and degrading speech. and in the stance you were both in if anyone caught you it could be horrific. 

you threw your cares to the wind and continued.

“i like smoking. keeps my mouth busy.” you whispered looking at his lips and taking a puff. eddie paused. all of the blood in his body rushed south. you watched him try to gather himself. his stomach was in knots at your words. he almost short circuited when he realized you were being even more suggestive than before. you were blatantly flirting with him. a growl left his throat. his head lolled to the side. his neck was exposed again. 

your eyes traced his neck with curiosity. you wondered if he was sensitive there. what it would be like to lick your tongue up and down the veins bulging out. he looked down at his hands to avoid your glance. you eyes followed. you watched him clench his fist till his knuckles went white. his sparkly rings glistened under the light the moon supplied. he quickly shoved his hands in his pockets. fighting the urge to reach out and grab you. that's when you saw how his already bulge hugging jeans were swollen. you averted your gaze embarrassingly. you didn’t know he was this easy to get worked up. when you looked back up at him. his shoulders trembled and he let out a deep breath. the whites of his eyes glowing as he closes off more distance between you and him. his voice was drawn out in a low mumble, almost strained. his whispered in the vicinity of your ear. chills rushed down your spine as his grunts made your tummy turn.

“you’re fucking killing me, sweetheart”, he almost moaned. “i bet i could keep your pretty mouth busy all night. even better than your boyfriend”. eddie coo’d. “...you think I'm supposed to believe you know a lot about girls and their mouths, munson?” you mumbled around the smoke. “i’d love it if you’d let me show you…” he paused for a brief moment.

eddie moved his right hand and opened his palm to touch you. his fingers wrapped around to your jawline. his hand was massive when it fully surrounded your face. his touch was slow and deliberate. his rings were cold, the metal almost stung your face. his fingers danced across your features with purpose. eddie’s thumb touched the bottom of your face. your movements followed his direction. his index finger met your top lip and his middle tugged on the corner of your mouth. your lips stayed closed anticipating his next move before you realized he was pinching the smoke out of your mouth just like you had done to him moments ago. you were stunned. 

eddie was tugging at the joint with his delicate fingers. he giggled at how easy you were, but before letting go of the joint with your lips you stared up at him with your eyes. he watched you intently. your cheeks went hollow as you sucked on it and inhaled one more hit. eddie had never been so jealous of a joint in his life. you watched eddie’s eyes slowly roll into the back of his head at your actions before he closed them. he shamelessly moaned. your chest tightened at the noise. the cherry of the joint burned a bright red as he released it from you. 

eddie rushed to inhale the remnants of your taste with his own hit. you both had reached the last of it. he turned his head away kindly to exhale the smoke but his eyes stayed fixed on you and your lips. his fingers flicked the ash of the smoke onto the ground and stopped it out. your eyes sparkled at him. you hummed a soft note innocently before he reached his hand back up to your face. his grip was stronger this time, like how it had been when he was mad at you. eddie moved his fingers from your cheek to the bottom of your lip rudely. his thumb pulled at your bottom lip. you drooled onto his fingers as he blew smoke into your throat. 

he exhaled, you inhaled. 

it tasted like eddie. he felt your spit on his fingertips before he released you. your bottom lip wetly snapped back in place as he dragged his thumb downwards. his eyes stayed fixed on your plump slobbery lips as his irises burned with the smoke rising. he could think of thousands of things he wanted to do to you and your pretty face. his fingers remained on your chin. holding your face towards him.

“oh, you're gonna get me in a lot of trouble. i just know it.” he purred. “why’s that?” you questioned.“...don’t tell me you forgot about your boyfriend already, baby?” he paused.

you heart stopped. the way he called you baby now made your thighs clench together. he smirked as your cheeks glowed red. the strain you two had been sharing always calmed eddie down. it seemed to have the opposite effect on you. all your senses were heightened as it buzzed in your body. your mind was on overdrive. you wanted eddie bad. but as quick as you realized you needed him his hand left your chin. the touch lingered. it was electric. you lost yourself in the moment. your eye’s closed before you let out another soft hum and giggle. the strain turning all your nervousness into making you loopy. eddie raised his eyebrow at you, questioning your motives. you realized you hadn’t answered him. 

“y– yeah. you’re uhm…”, a pause, “right. i should get back to him. don’t want him finding out about this.” you whimpered. “uh-huh, that's right, baby”. eddie laughed at you.

your body stayed still. he brushed some of your hair out of your face to get one last look at you. the quick movement brought you back down to earth. he stared, no, began glaring into your eyes as you looked at him with a fucked out expression. he was leering at the sight of you. his gaze was filthy. you gasped as he experimentally traced his fingers on your skin. his touch started at your lips where he had played before, but he didn’t stop there. he moved his big heavy hand down to your jawline, and then your neck, and onto the collar of your sweater. his touch barely danced on your skin. he listened as you whimpered when he moved one finger down the center of your chest and then it was snuggled onto your hip. 

his grip was needy and harsh. it resembled how your lousy boyfriend would paw at your hips when he wanted something from you. the difference was your body willingly moved with eddie’s grip. you were basically throwing yourself at him. his hand moved under your sweater. his touch was cold on your warm sides. half of his hand stayed fixed on your skin, the other on the waistband of your cute jeans. he didn’t want to seem too eager, but his grip was tight and aggressive. he pulled you into his chest by your waist and your arm gripped onto his big shoulder that was guarded by his leather jacket. his head was almost buried in your neck at the soft sudden embrace he whispered in your ear.

“you should really get back to him. i think it would be better for both of us if i left. what do you think?” he whispered. you couldn’t think. the only thing that was on your mind was eddie and how he was holding you. he infiltrated your thoughts. you arm tightened around his frame. physically begging him to keep you here. he listened to you whimper into his chest at his question. you felt his jeans tighten on your thigh. he whispered into your ear again, 

“fuckkk, sweetheart… you making those pretty sounds for me? barely even touched you”, he teased. things were moving too fast. you slowly broke away from his grasp to ground yourself. he looked down at you with consolidating eyes. if this continued on you wouldn’t know what could come of it. you both weren’t very sober either. your cheeks were almost purple as you looked up at him with a hazy stare. he smiled. you just nodded. scared of what you might say next. 

he figured you pulling away was his cue to leave, so he started to walk back towards the house. the foot of distance that was put between you two helped cut the tension. you couldn’t tell but under his skin he was a mess. eddie was secretly glad that he had a few too many drinks and a joint. he wouldn’t have been able to face you like that otherwise. he heard you let out a small sigh with your exhale. your hand that was holding him fell to your side. 

truthfully he tried walking away. but he felt your eyes watching his back and the idea of moving forward without acting on his fantasies was enough for him to suddenly still. your eyes followed his movements as he turned around. the next actions were fast. his big arm moved past your head and grabbed the back of it. with you in his control it allowed his other hand to wrap around your throat and constrict. the feeling of the tingles caused by the weed mixed with the overstimulation from his touch made you delusional. he listened to you whimpering in fear as he imposed on your personal space again. he let out a devilish chuckle. he opened his mouth slowly to say his next words. they came quickly but you spoke before he could.

“you’re s–” he was cut off. “do you want to kiss me?” you choked out.

eddie paused, the soft question seemed so innocent. he knew that if he did kiss you he wouldn’t be able to stop himself soon after. it would be long and messy. he also couldn’t promise that he could fight off the urge to do more to you. he put some reasoning into his own head. it was totally irresponsible to kiss you right now. you both were standing in a vast open yard, intoxicated, and not in the best headspace. it was the drugs and liquor talking, not you, no way you wanted this. he had to shamefully admit, if he was gonna kiss you and make it count now would be the best moment. 

he felt his cock stiffen as he watched you purse your lips. his mind wandered to how you would feel wrapped around him like that with a pretty pout and puff kissed lips. he wanted to know what you would do if he pushed you up against his body and embraced you fully. he wanted to sloppily lick up and down your neck and hear the noises he could spawn from your throat. his eyes consumed your mouth as he processed what his next move would be. he had thought about this moment just hours before steve’s party. your eyes looked so sparkly as a blush crawled up your neck and onto your cheek bones as you waited for his answer. you wet your lips with your tongue. knots were in his stomach. 

he grunted, “shit.. it doesn’t matter how bad i wanna kiss you”, he paused, “and it doesn’t matter that i think you're the prettiest girl i’ve ever seen. this wouldn’t work. i’ve been such a dick to you. you deserve better than someone like me”. you thought that was funny coming from him considering how much eddie hated your boyfriend.

his eyes continued watching the mouth he desperately wanted to kiss before you started to speak. “tha-..”, he glared at you before raising his index finger onto your lips. he applied a little pressure. he watched as they pushed out and around his finger. he smirked while shushing you. he thought back to how you looked with your cheeks hollowed out sucking on his joint again. his soft hands felt so good on your face. you weren’t going to fight him on this, you never wanted this moment to end. 

before you could stop yourself your lips opened slightly, inviting him in to play with your tongue. he groaned as he felt you kitten lick his finger gently. he didn’t pull away. his dick was sore with how much you two had been teasing each other back and forth. he fought every urge to shove his index down your throat to really feel it. he continued talking to you. his tone was mean and messy, laced with dominance. you loved this eddie, you didn’t care that he was mean. 

“.. shhh… you really do love keeping that mouth busy don't you…”, he teased, “i was right about you being a little whore..  hmm?” eddie raised his eyebrow at you. pulling his wet finger back onto your lips. he played with your top and bottom lip slowly before he adjusted his hand. his thumb was pushing at your bottom lip, testing if you were gonna welcome the other digit into your mouth. you stuck your tongue out fully at him. he placed the pad of his finger onto the wet warm muscle and you took it into your mouth. you looked at him with eyes that put him in a trance. you were successfully distracting him from pulling away from you. he tasted like all the things you loved about a man, but it was uniquely eddie. warm, salty, and a hint of beer he must’ve spilled on his hand earlier. sucking on him slowly he moaned. 

“oh. fuck. me.” whining between words. he watched you for a second before trying to speak again. “do you… do you really want this as bad as i do?” his face was so close. you watched his chest rise and fall as his breath invaded your space. you smelled the musky combination of liquor and smoke on his tongue. he looked longingly into your eyes waiting for you to say something. you continued to play with him. you must have stood in silence for far too long because eddie spoke for you. his tone was heavy. you watched his lips move with his words. while his fingers toyed with yours.

“baby?’ he asked. you just nodded and sucked harder.

he giggled while rotating his soaked thumb on your tongue. “hmm, what’s the matter, that sweet mouth of yours doesn’t wanna be so mean anymore does she? poor thing. how devastating, i love hearing your pretty noises.. and whines… and pouts. you just need something to fill you up, don’t you?”. eddie clicked his teeth in dissatisfaction as your tongue continued to play with his salty finger. you shook your head at him like a child. telling him you didn’t wanna talk and would rather do this. you were scared of what you would say anyways. the man smirked at you before moving closer to whisper something in your ear. as he spoke softly you reminded yourself this was your sworn enemy. never did you think he could make you so hot. never did you think you would let something like this happen.

eddie was fully in control as he spoke to your empty mind. when his lips barely touched your earlobe you could hear his breath. it made your head spin. that was the closest he had been to you. you felt his hot exhale on your neck. his tone when he said his next words were laced with evil. “tell me, what is it that you want out of this? i can tell you’re touched starved.” his breath grazed your ear again, his lips fell to your jaw and he kissed you there. “mhm,” eddie groaned. “your boyfriend isn’t taking good care of you and your mouth is he?” eddie paused. “because if he was, i bet you’d have way less of an attitude with me all the time.”

this was a dangerous game you two were playing.

you moved your hands between your bodies. the tip of your finger grazed the hem of his shirt and slightly pulled it up. you felt the path of hair that guided you into his pants. eddie winced at the action. he pulled away from you slightly to give your hand room to slip into his waistline. you looked down at his jeans, realizing he was about to pop the zipper on them. you wished it was a bit brighter so you could see exactly what he was packing. there was really no need because you could feel him in your hand. he groaned into the skin of your neck and started leaving messy open mouth kisses in his wake. when you curved your hand just right he whined. “ohh… fuckk”. 

eddie grabbed your hand away from his body and instead rushed to pick you up. you yelped and giggled as he drug you back to his bestfriends house. “what.. what are you doing, eddie?” he let out a gruff laugh. “finishing what you started”. his boots stomped on the ground as the pitter patter of your own soles tried to keep up with his. when you both had arrived back inside the party was in its last stage. he rushed you through the doorway and then into the kitchen. bodies were passed out on the livingroom floor. cans were both empty and spilled all over the stairs that eddie was leading you up. there was a door that had a sock on the doorknob in the hall that led to the guest bedrooms of the large home steve and his absent family stayed in.  

he threw open a door to a room he knew wouldn’t be occupied because steve always kept a room reserved for eddie and robin when they stayed over. as he manhandled you he slammed the previously open door and pushed you against it. he looked into your eyes. “..this okay, yeah?” he huffed. his chest raised quickly anticipating your answer. “ye-..”, the reassuring words hadn’t even left you before he was swallowing them down. 

eddie forced the searing kiss onto your lips while he groaned. it was all tongue and teeth as you both fought to taste each other. he grabbed you cheeks to keep you steady while he studied each curve and imperfection of the lips he had always wished to kiss. he traced his tongue though your crevices. you were everything to him. he had secretly been starving for this very moment since he had a sample of your taste from his damp joint you bummed. your spit teasing him. 

though he was rough with you his hands were gentle. he held your face softly and pawed at your hips. it was easy for him to maneuver around you and unbutton your jeans. you were both so desperate, but eddie was pathetic. he was whining and moaning while grinding against your thigh. he pulled away with a soft bite on your bottom lip. he lifted you up by the waist and carried you from the door and further into the room till your back was met with the guest bed. he grabbed your ankles as you fell back and pulled your pants down just enough to where he could see the tiniest bit of your panties.

eddie bites his lip softly, smiling to himself. he had been wanting to get you into this position since the beginning of his toments. eddie crawls up your frame as he slowly pulls your jeans completely down. his arms wrap around and spread your thighs. your head unwillingly fell backwards. the muscles of your neck strained. you felt him leave a gentle kiss on your covered clit. it wasn’t much, but it was enough to drive you insane. he laughed with his face close to your center. his hot breath so close gave you another sensation of how crazy this was. eddie teased you with his fingers over the fabric making your thighs clench together around his head. blocking his view and slowing his moments. 

“ah.. you keep those legs open or we’re stopping… been thinking ‘bout this too long.” he hooks his strong arms around your calves. he forces you into the position easily. eddie wasn’t being dramatic. he had been dreaming about this for years and now he wasn’t gonna let you move an inch. you let him hold you. 

you hated him. you loved this. 

you cupped your hand around your mouth to try to stay quiet. as soon as you did, eddie raised over you and pulled it away harshly. he laid your palm flat and open over your head. “none of that either.. talk to me, doll. let me hear you…” he demanded with a sultry tone. “yes, eddie..” you nodded and then he kissed you. the kiss this time was softer and laced with feeling. 

“that’s a good girl… such a good girl”, he murmurs the words to himself as he makes his way back down. “your boyfriend ever do this for you baby…?” eddie possessively played with the hem of your panties while purposely teasing your lips. you answer him with a small whine. “..no..”, you lean forward to watch him. he grins at you like a devil. eddie slides his fingers under your panties, rubbing your slick around your mess. “oh god.. you.. you were this wet for me while we were out there talking weren’t you?” all you could do was nod. he slowly hooks his fingers onto the straps of your panties and pulls them off to expose you to him fully. his breath hitched, you heard it. the damp fabric moving from your hips down to your thighs and past your ankles makes you roll your eyes back and instinctively buck your hips towards him. as your panties had moved down, his lips now moved up. a kiss on your ankle, a harsh bite on your inner knee, a wet suck and pop of his lips on your inner thigh. 

“gonna make you feel so good, you’re gonna feel so good cause of me, baby. no one else, m’kay?” eddie opens your legs wide again so he can indulge himself. he grunts as he gets a good look at you. he kisses your exposed clit and sucks deeply. his eyes roll back at the taste. soft, messy sounds start to fill the room from your dripping wet pussy and his sloppy tongue. you could subtly hear the grind of his hips against the spring mattress. his tongue worked in firm circles on your sensitive nub, followed by gentle slides of his up your tummy in tender touches.

“god, you soaked through your panties, pretty girl”. you whined above him, unable to answer his statements. you watched him as he collapsed your worn garment into a bundle in his free hand, he stuffed it deeply in his back jean pocket. “gotta save that for later so i know i'm not dreaming…” eddie growled from deep in his throat. the overwhelming and confusing feelings made you reach for him. he giggled and stuffed a finger into you while continuing to lick his flat tongue up your center to savor your dripping arousal. 

the air was filled with the smell of sex and the sloppy sounds of him drinking you down. he worked you open for him. he was silent as he catered towards his own needs and fantasies, still not fully comprehending that you were wincing under him in pleasure.  when he felt your walls clench around his fingers and your pants grow even shorter, eddie began to talk you through your finish. “does that feel good, sweetheart?” his hips rutted into the mattress, hard. the prospects of getting you off was getting him harder than he had ever been before.

though eddie was so fucked out, his mean demonor didn’t stray far away. he slowed his movements just to hear you cry out for him. when you looked for an answer to why he was slowing down, he smirked at you. you watched through your lashes as he flicked his tongue just right and in a dreadfully slow curve. “taste so.. fucking.. good”, he said to himself. then he harshly slapped your clit after your hand had fallen back over your mouth to muffle your moans. “ahha!” you cried. “what did i say? answer me.. feels good, doesn’t it?”. “yes.. yes feels…ah… really good.. don’t stop. please. don’t stop.” you whimpered for him. his chest grew warm, his tummy turned. 

he whispered his words while kissing your clit “mhm… wasn’t hard was it? all i needed to hear, baby.” he continued his faux attitude while you cried for him. he was close to falling apart. he had to be dreaming. eddie moved his fingers over you in an agonizingly slow manner, while he day dreamed. as he mindlessly day dreamed of all the things he could do to you tonight he heard you cry out for him to give you more. you didn’t have to tell him twice. he picked up his pace once again. you trembled, a moan stuck in your throat threatening to rip through you. you couldn’t hold on anymore. your entire body shakes for him as your breath leaves your lungs. his name is a constant curse of how good he could make you really feel. the way you moaned for him was making his cock unbelievably hard. you can feel his devilish smile againsts you as he furthers his torture and fucks you through your first orgasm, not daring to slow down for you to catch your breath. his hips continue to chase friction from the mattress.

a massive tidal wave washes over you. the sounds of your hot cunt leaking for him and down his fingers make him leak through his pants and onto the bed with his own pre. the relief you feel brings tears to your eyes as you cum harder than you thought was possible for a person to. your dripping hole clenched around him like a vice. it continues to suck him back in, he’s not ashamed to give your greedy pussy more.

“eddie! ahhha.. eddie!” you scream out from overstimulation. your needy tone surprises him so he quickly slows down his pace. he calms you. eddie places hot kisses on the hollow spot between your hip and thigh. after he sucks your skin a deep purple eddie sits up a little. he’s letting go of your legs, and placing both of his hands on the top of your thighs. he grips the doughy skin gently to ease your tingly body. the tenderness of his actions allows you to come back down to earth. you look up at him over you. as you made eye contact eddie pulled his shirt off of his chest. his hands worked on loosening his belt buckle. he was so handsome like this. “you’re handsome..” you mumbled in a drowsy state. 

“you.. you really think so..?” he blushed a deep maroon while you hummed when he collapsed onto you. he raised slightly to help you take your own shirt off. he moved desperately. “need to feel you..” he pulls you into a searing hug. skin on skin. eddie raises your back to arch for him before he pops the back of your bra undone. you whine at how efficient he was with it. “eddie..” you whimper. he pulled the garment off of you as he raised himself up. he threw it somewhere into the room with the rest of the now growing pile of clothes. 

then he was working on his jeans. he clumsily moved his knees back and forth to rock out of the tight restricting pants. your hand must’ve made it’s way to his lower tummy while he undressed. he pulled the band of his boxers down and he let his swollen cock bounce free. it slapped the back of your hand. you both moaned at the contact. his tip was bright red and dripping. eddie whined as he grabbed his base. he got a serious glint in his eyes as he let you take it and guided it down to you.  “you think it’s handsome?” "y-yeah," you nodded, sounding a little hoarse. 

you sighed a little at the feeling of him letting you run it through your folds. he was huge and bigger than anything you had ever taken. he grabbed your hips to keep your body from running from him, or worse pushing him into you when he wasn’t composed at all and risking hurting you. he insulted your past experiences to make himself feel better about the fact that he was forsure going to bust early. “never had a dick this big?” he teased shyly. his false confidence died when you looked at him with need. oh, he was so fucked. he had already been so on edge while playing with you using his fingers.

he bent at the waist and kissed you again, right when you least expected it. you felt his hips pull away from your slightly. he whispered “..you.. shit.. are you ready?" he asked you, but it sounded like he was stalling.

karma's a bitch and you were tired of waiting. you were going to win this standoff. the break between your last orgasm and now allowed you to catch your breath. with a huff and a whisper into the shell of his ear, you teased, “are you?”. you broke down all his walls with those two words. "baby… oh baby.. fuck i've been ready for this for years," he choked the confession out breathlessly before plunging forward and filling you with his cock in one smooth motion. eddie shivered as he pressed his hips up to yours, moaning weakly and so completely in love. his eyes were shut tight and his head tossed back in concentration.

when he regained his composure he fucked into you like he was crazed. he grabbed the back of your thighs and threw you into his cock. back and forth. his pace was relentless as he started moving his mouth a mile per minute. just like his hips. “i don’t deserve this. always been… so mean to you and.. you still wanna give me this sweet pussy? god, you’re gonna make me cum, sweetheart. i’m sorry i'm already gonna cum.” he was rambling while he lost his tempo. eddie pulled your legs onto his shoulders as he rotated his hips deeper. he popped his finger in his mouth and licked the digit before he laced it between your bodies and started working on your clit. “it would be really mean.. of me to not let you.. cum again. and.. ahha- fuck.. i need to feel you cum on me. please”. 

your legs trembled, your walls sucking him in deeper. “yes! yes! just like that, baby”, he grunted in your ear. “eddie ohh.. god.. im gonna cum. im gonna cum!” you felt him shake over you while his hot breath painted your neck in a allowed dampness. he bit your neck to suppress his needy whines. he chanted your name but not before dropping an absolute bomb on you. 

“fuck… i love you, always loved you. and i love this pussy shit..” you hardly caught his confession as your orgasms both teetered on the edge. “gonna fucking fill you up, fill my good girl up.. you want that? fuck give it to me… i need it. i need you...” you nodded your head with haste. “give it to me, eddie. please.. you can cum inside me..” both of you crossed the finish line together as the waves washed over you. eddie’s entire body shuddered. his grip his rough hands had on you was so tight there was sure to be evidence that this wasn’t just some sick dream tomorrow. the way your nails had clawed against his back and forearms branding him in the same way. he felt both of your liquids gush around his cock as he slowed his pace and grunted. he didn’t wanna pull away. eddie was too scared of what your reaction would be to his afterglow of the best orgasm he had ever had. not to mention the embarrassment of his loose tongue.

after a few moments of silence he slightly moved so he could look into your eyes. you had a dumb smile on your face. eddie accepted the humiliation and grinned back. he stayed buried inside of you. only adjusting to see you better in certain moments. you allowed his words from earlier to ring in your ears. he looked at you with pure devotion wondering who was going to address what he said first. 

“so-“ he started. 

“we-“ you said at the same time. 

“you.. uh.. you go first.. please?” he nervously bit his lip while adjusting the warm blanket you two had found yourselves wrapped up in. he moved his face to yours. “no.. how about you finish what you started”. 

the boy could only slowly blink at you. oh how the tables had turned.

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[ticktokrobotsnot]

Vapor

This is Part 2

You can read Part 1 here.

Pairing: Carmen Berzatto x fem!reader 

Summary: An accountant helps Carmen organize his not-so-shit-restaurant and gets invited over for family dinner. 

Word Count: 10k

__

The sky was blood orange and the reflection on the store window was mesmerizing. Y/n was supposed to be in the office getting ready for the full day ahead of her but she couldn’t resist slacking off for a bit, it was nice to finally enjoy the restaurant with no one inside. Y/n needed to be here early when a potential vendor came by to give some quotes. Carmen’s initial reaction was to stand his ground and act like some faux bodyguard because he couldn't fathom why some “sick fuck” would want to be alone with a woman in a restaurant at the ass crack of dawn without them having bad intentions—said it wasn't safe at all. Y/n had to inform him that the, “sick fuck” was a woman. And as soon as Carmen heard that, and realized they were going to be talking numbers for a while, he ran off to the farmer's market, wanting no part in that snooze fest. 

Y/n grabbed her laptop and started reviewing the binders she organized. Just as y/n was about to check her phone for any messages, she heard a knock at the door. A pretty blond woman looks at y/n with a bit of confusion. This woman wasn’t expecting to see y/n and y/n wasn't expecting to see this woman. Y/n walked to the door and opened a crack. 

“Who are you?” Y/n questioned. 

“I could ask you the same thing.” The women laughed but y/n wasn’t finding this funny.

“Natalie…” Y/n shook her head like a bouncer sending a teeager away without his fake ID.

“Natalie Berzatto.” She clarified and y/n recalled the name as a co-signer for The Beef, now The Bear. Y/n opened the door a bit more to let her in. 

Y/n gave her name but she didn’t know what else to say but Natalie was already filling the space. 

“Hi! It’s so nice to finally meet you, Carmen won't stop talking about you. You really saved our asses. Especially with the file organizing stuff, I found the old payroll stuff in like a minute, you're a real savant with stuff like that. Carmy is a real sticker for cooking but he is a real shit-”. It didn’t take a genius to figure out Natalie was nervous.

Y/n knew that Natalie was a part of Carmen’s family but she didn’t know how they were connected. One plausible scenario was that she was Micheal’s widowed girlfriend or wife, which would explain why anyone would co-sign the disaster that Micheal had created and promptly left. Y/n wondered why Carmen would be getting so chummy with his widowed sister-in-law, but then again men have done worse. 

Y/n bit the bullet, “How do you know Carmen?”

“I'm his sister… Sugar?” Y/n was starting to feel like a real idiot for not being able to piece these easy deductions together, she was losing her edge because it was to fucking early in the morning.

“Yes, Richie told me that “Sugar” was going to stop by this week. What can I do for you?” Y/n didn’t mention that she thought Sugar was going to be a stripper because of the name. 

“Actually I came to pick some old tax stuff… Micheal’s tax returns.” Y/n guided her to the office. Even if she didn’t look back she knew that Natalie was spying on her binders and laptop laid out on the counter, trying to find out a bit about y/n. 

“So, Carmy tells me that you two used to work together back in New York.”

“Yeah it was only for a few years.”

“Were you close?” Natalie probed. 

“We were…strangers at best.” Y/n chose to leave out the messy parts of her and Carmen’s origins. 

Natalie shook her head in disbelief. "That can't be true, he actually came to my place one day, pretty late. You know why?" Y/n, not knowing the answer, simply shrugged her shoulders. 

"He said he needed to make an important phone call, someone from his old job. He said that he wanted to ask for a bit of help." Natalie continued, her voice tinged with wishfulness "I thought maybe he was finally going to therapy or something." Y/n felt a strange sensation, like she was staring directly into the sun, hope gave Natalie a beautiful glow. 

Natalie's smile softened as she added, "And you know what? He made that phone call right on our porch." Her words carried a touch of warmth. "Well, at least he's reaching out for help. It's a good thing, right?"

“I recommended therapy to him too but I think we would need to put a gun to his head for him to actually go." Natalie let out a humored exhale. 

There was a lull of silence after she handed the tax returns. Y/n could sense that Natalie wanted to talk some more so y/n directed her to the bar stools out front. She checked her phone and saw that her vendor had a family emergency and needed to reschedule. After shooting a quick ok, she directed herself to face Natalie. 

"You can ask me anything. I've got plenty of time to kill." Y/n offered, feeling generous considering the recent kiss shared with Natalie's brother just a week ago.

“I was here a few times but I never had a chance to meet you?”

“I was probably apartment hunting.” Natalie looked like she was debating asking her next question.   

“What did you think of Carmen when you guys were back in New York?”

“He was like every other chef.”

“Nothing else? No pulling force?”

“No pulling force.”

“You moved state lines for him and you're saying there was no pulling force?”

“He asked me for help and I gave him some.” 

“You chose to stay. There had to be a pull.”

“The restaurant spoke to my soul, I had to stay.” Y/n was bluffing. 

“Bullshit, there was a pull.” Natalie said with a self fulfilled smirk like she had won a point in their imaginary game.

Natalie continued, “You know, he won a Michelin star. A man who cooks…is not too bad.”

“I don’t eat gourmet food. It’s pretentious.” Y/n didn’t want to make too much out of the kiss and make Carmen panic.

“I'm sure he can make something you will like.” 

“I have yet to eat something of his that would warrant him having a Michelin star.”

“You don’t like his cooking?”

“I don’t like anyone’s cooking.” Natalie couldn’t come up with something else. Point to y/n. A smile spread across y/n’s face and Natalie was relieved to realize that y/n wasn’t being serious. 

“What do you like doing?” Natalie probed. 

“I spend most of my time working here but I also read.” 

“Why did you leave New York?” Natalie blurted out.

“I don’t like working with other people, my boss was all over me. I thought Chicago would be a nice change of pace.” 

Y/n saw Natalie unlock her phone to respond to a text from someone named Pete, who had a pink heart near his name. Y/n knew that memorizing people’s passwords was an invasion of their privacy but it was fun to be a bit nosy. 

Y/n was also tired of getting the third-degree, she was hoping for a few fun questions asking if she ever murdered anyone or if she ever was contacted to be a part of a bank heist. She would be lying if she wasn’t a bit afraid that whatever she said would be relayed to Carmen so she didn’t want to say anything too damning. 

“You read romance?” Y/n saw the book peeking out of Natalie’s bag, it was one that she had read before. 

“Yeah, they’re my guilty pleasure.”

“Mine too. I liked that one.” Y/n pointed at the book peaking out.

“I hate it, it's filled with miscommunication. I’m only finishing it to justify the 12 dollars I spent.” Natalie said with a fake pout. 

“I love miscommunication because I suck at talking to people too. Much better than the one I just finished.”

“What killed your book?”

“Third-act break up.” Natalie nodded her head, it seems like they agreed. 

Y/n couldn't help but feel relieved; while the nature of Y/n's relationship with Carmen remained uncertain, it was evident that Natalie would become a more integral part of the restaurant. Carmen's recent discovery of three hundred thousand dollars hidden in tomato cans had sparked ambitious plans for renovating the place. Even if she ended up being nothing serious with Carmen, she needed to secure a stable support who wouldn’t completely hate her if shit hit the fan. 

They continued to talk about a few books that they had read, a few so trashy that they had to hide their faces in embarrassment from each other when reading the summary out loud. 

The door chimed and both women looked over to Carmen who was holding a few bags of produce and baked goods. Y/n went over and plucked the receipts for the top of one of the bags, she didn’t bother helping Carmen because he wouldn’t have let her help anyways. Carmen was gracious enough to put all the receipts together so she wasn’t digging to find them, she kept a record of them to write them off as a business deduction. 

“Nat, you’re here early?” Carmen spared a glance before opening a box of croissants to share and then disappearing to the kitchen to put everything away. 

“Yeah I had to pick something up, y/n was so kind to help me so early in the morning. Isn’t she just the best?” 

“Yeah…How did it go with the vendor?” Carmen mindlessly mumbled while busying himself with a notebook of recipe ideas. 

“Rescheduled.” Y/n didn’t look up, engrossed in cataloging some expensive mushrooms for record keeping. $268.43 for some mushrooms was honestly so ridiculous y/n needed to squint to see if she was seeing this right. 

“I need to return the favor.” Natalie started.

“It was just a few folders, you really don’t-”

“Why don’t you join us for dinner on friday?” Y/n felt like she was performing front and center.

“I couldn’t-.” 

“Please, Pete never wants to talk to me about…” Natalie was raising her eyebrows in the most unsubtle way possible so she didn’t expose y/n's softer side and her penchant for reading romance novels. Y/n couldn’t help but hide her face in embarrassment, “Yeah…fine. Just tell me what time.”

Observing the exchange, Carmen couldn't help but wonder if this was how dogs felt when humans engaged in their own incomprehensible conversations.

Y/n was starting to feel like she was edging closer and closer to Carmen’s limit. Kissing in the back alley of a restaurant and on the car ride to and from work was very different from being invited to his sister’s house for dinner. It carried a weight of intimacy, commitment, and solidity that made Y/n slightly uneasy, wondering if this was too much for Carmen. She waited for the other shoe to drop, Carmen would subtly show his discontent by telling Natalie that she shouldn’t force y/n to go to that dinner, which was just an excuse to create some distance. Y/n was surprised when Carmen asked what type of desert he should bring instead. 

Y/n kept her cool and excused herself to go to the office so she could get back to work. 

Carmen and Natalie moved to the kitchen where Carmen would experiment for a bit. Natalie sat on a stool next to Carmen who started washing produce. 

“She is very smart.” Natalie whispered. She took a glance at the closed office door.

“Yeah. Great with the books.” Carmen peeled and diced some garlic. 

“Nice too.”

“She is very nice.” Carmen started cutting some nepitella. The additional “very” caused some alarm bells to ring in Natalie’s head. She hid her smirk. 

“Everything about her is nice,” Natalie made sure to pay close attention to Carmen’s face, “Nice personality, nice face-” Carmen took a worried glance at the office door and then looked up at Natalie with wide eyes.

“Why, why, what are you-?” He was flustered. 

“I’m just sharing my observations. You don’t think she has a nice face-?”

“This is a business, we try to keep professional.” Carmen hid his fumble with fake professionality, unfortunately Natalie saw right through it. 

“Try?” Natalie teased. Carmen looked away to pretend to look for some dried porcini. He felt like an idiot. He understood why people used to see him as an easy target when he was younger, he basically showed everyone his buttons, and asked them to get pushed. Carmen continued to chop in silence. 

“I'm sorry, I just got a bit excited. I won't push.” Natalie gave her brother the benefit of the doubt, she always thought he would never get into a serious relationship but he liked y/n and y/n seemed like the serious girlfriend type. Natalie couldn’t help but nudge Carmen in the right direction. 

Carmen chopped in silence for a few minutes, debating if he should tell Natalie about the kiss. In his mind, he didn’t know if it was too soon for him to introduce his girlfriend to his family. Calling y/n his girlfriend felt unreal, past him wouldn’t believe it even if he saw it.  

He handed his notebook to Natalie so she could read measurements to him, he wanted her here for just a bit longer till he gained the courage to tell her about y/n. 

Tagliatelle with porcini mushrooms was the first test item of the morning, and he had to soak the dried porcini for 30 minutes, he was bummed that the market didn't have the fresh kind but he knew he would get the real shit when y/n got a hold of that vendor. He looked up at Natalie and tilted his head to indicate that they should leave. Carmen avoided the alley because he knew that y/n would look there first and he didn’t want her to overhear anything. They walked over to a nearby supermarket and started roaming the aisles. It was nearly empty because it was six in the morning. 

“I did something…and I need you to not…just listen and don’t make it a big deal.”

“I got it, Carmy.” 

“A while ago, I…” Carmen looked at all the different types of instant noodles they had on display. “So, we were in deep shit with these pre-orders and I was a mess and y/n and I were talking after…” Carmen moved over to the boxed pasta, he didn't intend to buy anything but he did read the nutritional facts.

“I umm, asked her to…” Jesus, Carmen wondered, why he didn’t make more friends so he didn’t have to talk to his older sister about something like this. Richie didn’t seem capable of giving any advice that wasn’t, “Just Do It”.

 “We ki…” Natalie kept her face hard but the second that Carmen turned around to look at a box of elbow pasta, she couldn't help herself but let out a small, barely audible squeal of delight. Her eyes widened, and a grin threatened to break through her determined facade. Natalie quickly covered her mouth with her hand, trying to contain her elation, making sure not to let Carmen catch a glimpse. She stifled her excitement with every fiber of her being, preserving the illusion of calmness for when Carmen turned back around, none the wiser.

“It’s been a while, and we k…” Carmen didn’t know how he was supposed to maturely ask for advice when he couldn’t even say a kiss in front of his sister while cringing. Carmen couldn’t do this, it was too open, too vulnerable. 

Nat cut him some slack and started asking questions instead, “Was it a one time thing?” Carmen subtly shook his head no. Her lips parted as she squeezed a jar of Pego to contain herself. 

“Do you regret it?” Carmen didn’t respond but that didn’t mean no, that ment that she was getting closer to the root of the problem.

“Do you think she’s going to regret it?” Carmen’s shoulder’s raised slightly, bingo. 

“Why don’t I gauge how she is feeling at dinner.” Nat knew he was about to run away from her for exposing too much and she had to give him an incentive to not follow his instincts. 

She continued, “We talked earlier, she said she hates your cooking.” Carmen’s head snapped up, Nat knew that y/n was just joking but it was still a bit funny to mess with Carmen. 

The look of shock transported her back to when she was eight sitting next to Carmy and watching Micheal convince him to finish a glass of milk or else he would lose all of his teeth to a calcium deficiency. This wasn’t the time to reminisce but it made her heart warm knowing that even after going through so much, there was still a part of young Carmy that persevered. She was feeling the burning in the back of her eyes, her hormones were making her sentimental. 

“Yeah she said that your food fucking blows.” Carmen caught on and let out a small laugh.

They both roamed in the aisle moving on to juices. Sugar free, diet, pineapple, orange. Carmen’s eyebrows raised when he saw the price of orange juice before putting it down and deciding to just make his own. 

Carmen started, “She isn’t the type of person who changes her mind easily,” but if she can make that shift to see him in a good light, maybe she'll stick around and eventually see the real Carmen—a pathetic, insecure loser. All he did was make a promise to her but he knew it meant nothing without actions, and he was unsure if he could control his anger or keep his obsessiveness in check when something especially difficult happened. If another shit storm made its rounds in the kitchen, would he really be able to be the bigger person? Carmen doubted it. 

Carmen just ripped off the bandaid, “I don’t know how to…I want her to not hate me. I know I'm going to..” Carmen waited till a child next to them moved to the other end of teh aisle towards his dad, “..fuck it up, but I dont want that to happen.” 

“What makes you think she is going to hate you?”

“When we were talking…she told me that I should have done better. And that I…needed to be “stable”, but I don’t know how to be that for myself, let alone someone else.”

“She isn’t asking you to do it for her, she wants you to do it for yourself.” Natalie offered. 

“Its like having to solve a word search to answer a stupid fucking puzzle. I don’t…” Carmen sighed in defeat. Nat knew that he was strong and it was impossible for her to fix this for him but that still made her palms itch seeing him struggle like this. She racked her brain, desperately seeking any glimmer of a solution that could offer him even a shred of relief. 

They both walked out the market towards the restaurant. “It's really hard…and it's not that I don’t want to, it just feels impossible.” Carmen muttered, he was close to giving up. 

A burning sensation welled up in the back of Natalie's throat, and she instinctively placed her hand on Carmen's shoulder as a gesture of support and to her surprise Carmen looked at her, saw her glassy eyes and hugged her. The shock knocked a few tears from her eyes.. 

Carmy was not a selfish person but Nat noticed that he was becoming a bit more aware that he takes up much more space then he originally thought he did. He now knew that his presence was big enough to be able to tear people down but was also big enough to offer meaningful support. He had come to understand his own significance, and this realization struck Natalie like a tidal wave, causing her to burst into uncontrollable sobs. 

“Does crying mean I'm fucked, Sugar?” Carmen asked, his voice tinged with humor and uncertainty, as he gently rubbed Natalie's back for comfort. Nat shook her head no.

“You'll be okay. You always are.” Nat wiped her face before continuing to walk back to the restaurant. 

Carmen snuck a few glances to see what was making his sister a sobbing mess, she wasn’t the type to break down like that, “Are you good?” Natalie nodded her head.

“Everything good at home?” It felt strange to say the word home, even after visiting multiple countries and living in many different apartments, Carmen couldn’t really call any place home. Home was supposed to be a sanctuary of warmth, Carmen's closest experience to that feeling was back in his family house—a place where the warmth was scalding and suffocating. Where it was a constant waiting game, anticipating the intense heat to escalate and cause everything, and everyone, to boil over. 

Carmen was acutely aware that he would never have a home quite like Sugar's. He couldn't help but wonder if he had what it took to be like Pete for someone else—always helpful, kind, and perhaps a little too accommodating. He questioned whether he had the capacity to fulfill that role and maintain his own sense of self. Granted, what about his “self” was worth preserving?

Natalie nodded her head but Carmen wasn’t convinced. “It's just a lot, you know. Seeing the place getting renovated. I used to hate that place, but..” She sighed, “...I picked up Micheal’s tax returns, I didn’t even need them for anything…I just wanted to see them to know what he was going through towards the…'' end. She didn’t need to finish for Carmen to know what she was talking about. They were in front of the restaurant and Carmen gave her a side hug and against his better judgment he tried his hand in verbal reassurance so he could be there for her, fully. 

“I think he tried his best to make everything look fine, and it’s nice to know that he was at least able to pretend till the...end.” Sugar looked up at him and didn’t comment on his successful attempt to be her support, not wanting to scare him. 

They wordlessly walked in the restaurant and Carmen finished up his dish. He made enough for one plate because he was expecting to have to remake it a few times. He grabbed a small plate and served a separate plate for y/n before knocking on her door. She looked up at him, not hearing him and gave him a “hmm” which echoed in his chest. She sat with them in the kitchen, taking her laptop with her. They all took the first bite together. Carmen watched both women’s reactions to gauge their uncensored reactions. Natalie’s eyebrows raised and she gave him a nod of approval. 

Y/n took a bite and looked up from her plate so see Carmen staring at her. “Why are you staring?”

“Do you not like it?” 

“It’s good.” Y/n put her fork down and propped up her head on her hand. 

“But, you didn’t-”

“I’m not really a foodie, so food is never like…” Y/n made an explosion sound and flicked her hands open, “Good, is the best you going to get out of me.” Natalie wondered how a chef and an anti-gourmet foodie were going to work. 

“Is all food just ”good”?” Y/n looked up and tried to think of food that was better than good.

“I like mom's cooking.” 

“What is her food like?”

“Intense…subtly in food doesn’t mean anything to me because I don’t taste the difference.” Carmen was waiting for more for y/n.

“I ate a lot of spicy, sour and bitter food growing up. My mom didn’t think that kids should eat different things than everyone else, so I guess pasta and mushrooms will always be just “good”.” Y/n felt like she was just shitting all over his profession but he asked for her opinion so he couldn’t get offended now. 

Carmen nodded his head before walking away. Y/n pierced her lips and looked over to Natalie wondering if she hurt Carmen’s feelings. Natalie looked just as bewildered. Just as y/n was about to find Carmen, he came out with a few more ingredients.

“What are you making?” 

“Something you will like.” 

“I liked what you made-” 

“Good is not enough.” 

“Come on, Carmen, it's something that everyone will like, it’s going to kill opening day.”

“But you have to like it.” Y/n sighed before indicating that he should continue. 

“You won’t be able to serve the food I like to eat, it would be considered a biological weapon.” Y/n was warning him but Carmen thought she was teasing him. He would learn to listen to her warning in the future. He put the porcini mushrooms to the side before getting started on some penne all’arrabbiata. 

Y/n laughed at him knowing that he wouldn’t have the courage to spice up a dish to her standard before grabbing her laptop so she could get some work done and also talk to Natalie about contractors. 

While Carmen chopped and stirred, y/n subtly glanced up at his flexing back and strong arms. She thought she was hiding it well but when she went to check if Natalie noticed she saw that Natalie was already watching her. Natalie snickered as y/n hid her face behind her laptop to hide her embarrassment. Carmen turned around to see what was so funny but was just met with the view of both of them with their faces hiding behind their hands. 

Y/n felt someone pass behind her and knew it was Sydney without having to look up. “Hey guys, what are we making?” She took a bite out of the pasta, which was slightly cooled but she still nodded her head. 

“It’s fire, chef. It would be great if it was hot, I want to remake it to see what it was supposed to taste like.”

Y/n couldn’t say that she completely forgave Sydney but y/n did respect that she went to Richie to give some type of apology after a while. Y/n could accept that the two of them wouldn’t be best friends, they just needed to be able to work together. 

Y/n went to Carmen’s locker before pulling out a few Tums for everyone, it looks like today was going to be pasta day because of her and she didn’t want to send everyone home with a stomach ache.

Carmen continued with his pasta, and served it in front of y/n. All the women took a bite,

“It’s got a kick to it.” Natalie said while reaching for a food container filled with water while wiping sweat from her brow. Sydney gave Carmen a, “This is fire, chef.” Y/n couldn't help but cringe inwardly at the comment because she knew she couldn't quite match their shared vernacular and the ease with which they expressed themselves with food. What private passion did y/n and Carmen share?

Carmen stared y/n down as she took a bite.

“It’s good.” Carmen waited for her to elaborate. “It’s too subtle.” 

Carmen smirked, “Yeah, next time I'll just make you a ball of fire for you to enjoy.” Y/n gave him a shit eating grin, it was just too fun not to mess with him, and when she saw him smile back she felt a bit of imaginary nostalgia, this was what she longed for back in New York. 

The restaurant was still closed for renovations and after a while a few other crew members came by to do some demo. Y/n was stuck on hold with the inspector's office when she was approached by Natalie, “I’ve got a doctor’s appointment so I've got to go, I’ll see you on Friday at eight.” 

The rest of the week flew by because they were on a very strict time crunch to open in a few months. Y/n wasn’t very worried but she could feel the nerves from everyone else and she knew it would be in bad taste to tell them to toughen up, so she let them be grown ups and deal with their own anxieties. 

On Friday, y/n left early to get ready for dinner, she opened an old moving box and pulled out a dress that she wore to an old work function. It was very tasteful because it was freezing outside. Y/n grabbed her gifts before running into Carmen’s car. Y/n took one look at Carmen and had to do a double take to make sure that she went into the right person’s car. Carmen’s hair was lighty slicked back, probably with pomade, and he was wearing a deep blue sweater with a white collar. 

“I didn’t know you had clothes other than aprons and Dickies.”

“You look..” Carmen marveled at the way her eyes sparkled with an inner radiance, drawing him in like a moth to a flame. He knew he wasn’t able to get the full picture yet because they were in a dark car but he could only imagine what she would do to him when they went to the well lit house. “..great.” Carmen wanted to punch himself for being so unoriginal but he couldn’t focus on anything. 

“Thank you, you look good too. Blue is definitely your color..” Carmen’s fingers loosened around the steering wheel, compliments had always made him uneasy; he spent the majority of his life trying to make himself as small as possible and now he was pushed into the spotlight and he wondered if he even liked it?

“Carmen, can you look at me for a second?” And when he swiveled his head towards y/n, she squished his face lighty before giving his puckered lips a soft kiss. Just as she was about to lean back into her seat, Carmen, unable to resist, slipped his hand beneath her hair, grasping the back of her neck and drawing her in for a deeper, more passionate second kiss. 

Yeah, he liked it.

“We are going to be late.” Y/n whispered before giving him one last peck. Carmen, still in a daze, fiddled with the radio so he could get his head straight. The ride to his sister’s house was quiet barring the soft jazz. Y/n was very nervous, they never had that conversation that said that they were official and for all she knew she was just a friend that Carmen kissed from time to time. She resisted the urge to ask right now because she was scared to find out that they were nothing more. She would savor the few minutes before she was inevitably introduced as a friend, or worse a co-worker. 

They pulled into Natalie’s driveway and got out of the car, y/n grabbed the bouquet of flowers and a bottle of wine and they rang the doorbell. 

"Why are you holding the tray like that?" Y/n asked, noticing how Carmen clung to it like a shield. Before she could receive a response, Natalie opened the door with a warm greeting, inviting them inside. Y/n handed over the gifts, but Carmen still clung onto his belongings. Just then, Peter descended the stairs, seemingly about to approach Carmen for a hug before his gaze landed on Carmen's protective tray. He hesitated and stepped back, realizing it was acting as a barrier. Y/n stifled a laugh, biting her cheek to prevent herself from laughing at Carmen’s immaturity.

Carmen greeted, “Pete.” Y/n could feel the dislike and she felt bad for Pete because he seemed nice.

“Carmen, it’s good to see you, man.”

“This is my girlfriend, y/n.” A sense of numbness overwhelmed her. It was like when people get run over by a semi and say that they don’t feel anything. Y/n extended her hand to shake Pete's, and she followed him into the living room. 

Carmen went into the kitchen to help Natalie and y/n made pleasant conversation with Pete, he seemed a bit soft but she could understand why Natalie might want someone like him. Y/n pretended to be interested when he showed her his Cubs memorabilia, she initially thought the Cubs were a fictional sports team made by the New Girl writers. 

Y/n and Pete walked over to the kitchen and asked if they needed any help. Pete looked like he wanted to actually be helpful but y/n had her fingers crossed hoping she didn’t have to do any cooking. It was weird to see Carmen let someone else take the lead while he watched. Even with Sydney, he still watched over everything like a hawk, not because he didn’t trust her, it's just because he wouldn’t let her fail. 

Y/n watched as everyone spoke and she wondered where she fit in. Natalie and Carmen were obviously close and Pete was doing his best to get close to Carmen, trying to bridge the obvious gap between them. Y/n had to stop herself from telling Carmen to either be nicer or for Pete to drop it.

Other than being Carmen’s new “girlfriend” and sharing small talk, what else was there for her to talk about? Y/n didn’t know them well but she could tell there was a lot of subtext between the three of them that added weight to their interactions that she wasn’t privy to yet. She was a flame trying to suck in any bubble of oxygen so she could ignite, she needed more information before she could actually join them.

 It felt like she was reading Dune for the first time, being dropped in the middle of an already moving plot and she was scrambling to play catch up. Carmen had a lot of triggers and she wondered if Natalie was the same. Even if they acted completely differently, y/n could tell that they were sidestepping something, like they were avoiding talking about a gaping bullet wound, and if siblings were acting like that it means that it's a problem with the parents. Despite the fact that they were in the kitchen, the three of them weren’t talking about the food. Y/n made a mental checklist of a few rules; 1. Don’t bring up parents 2. Don't mention food because it's a trigger 3. Pay attention to Natalie because she was not as good at hiding her feelings as Carmen. 

Dinner was served and they all took a seat, y/n took slow sips of wine and saw that Natalie’s wine was slightly darker than hers. Y/n was sitting across Natalie so she recognized the smell too, apple. She was drinking sparkling apple cider. Y/n hid her smirk by talking another sip, she would be a spy or something because she was killing it in the recon department. 

Dinner was starting to feel stiff, y/n took a deep breath and turned to Natalie, “Your cooking is to die for.” Natalie tucked in her lips but couldn’t help but hide her smile, y/n never told Carmen anything like that, barring the first day she got to Chicago, it was a petty way of getting back at him for blindsiding her by calling her his girlfriend. 

“Thanks, It's a family recipe.” Y/n wanted to stab herself with the fork, she just broke rule one and two. Just as y/n was about to make some asinine comment to change topics, Carmen did it for her.

“Can you pass me the bread, Sugar?” Y/n found her opening.

“Sugar, that’s a nice nickname, what’s the story?” 

Natalie paused and y/n had a feeling she fucked up, “We were having this Chrismas family thing and I added a cup of sugar into the gravy instead of salt. The name just stuck.” Y/n definitely fucked up, she was breaking rules left and right. Y/n scrabbled to put herself in the same level as Natalie.

“I’ve been there. My parents were having a few co-worker over for lunch and they brought a box of these expensive mangos and I was told to make some smoothies because it was boiling that day. I filled up the sugar container with salt without noticing and made them smoothies with a ton of salt.” Y/n saw that all eyes were on her and she didn’t allow herself to be nervous because she was trying to get a deeper point across.

Y/n continued, “I have never heard that many people gag all at once.” Their faces broke into a smile.

“What did your mom say?” Bingo, looks like the taboo parent could be narrowed down to their mother. 

“She didn’t say anything bad, she and her co-workers just laughed. I mean I was a kid and we all make mistakes. I ended up making lemonade instead.”

Natalie’s eyes lit up,“It’s a shame that all those mangos went to waste.” Natalie joked. 

“Waste?” Y/n had a fake offense, “I drank the rest to prove that it wasn’t that bad.”

“Was it that bad?” Pete asked.

“My blood pressure was through the roof. It was the first time I ever got a headache.” 

The rest of dinner was a bit more relaxed, y/n was expecting Carmen to talk a bit more because these were his people but it looked like she would have to do the talking for the both of them. They finished up dinner and y/n got up to help them clean up. It was y/n and Carmen alone in the kitchen while Natalie went upstairs to check on something, aka she needed some rest and Pete went to check up on her. 

As Carmen washed the dishes, Y/n stood by, towel in hand, drying them. The domestic scene felt comfortable, yet she couldn't determine if she truly enjoyed this newfound domesticity. She wondered if in Carmen’s eyes she was merely playing the role of the perfect partner – someone who could effortlessly navigate his family dynamics, fix his business, and be his own manic pixie dream girl. 

A selfish thought crossed Y/n's mind. What was she truly gaining from this relationship? She had been too afraid to make a move with Carmen after the kiss, fearing that one misstep could lead her to being shut out completely. She hesitated to voice her preferences about his food, to ask about the nature of their relationship, or to discuss their future plans if this relationship fell through. Y/n wasn't one to dwell in discomfort, except for her previous job, and she felt frustrated that she had to jump through so many hoops just to ensure that Carmen wouldn't leave.

They finished the dishes and y/n could tell that Carmen wanted to check on Natalie but he didn’t want to leave y/n alone. Y/n being a supportive girlfriend, practically pushed him up the steps before walking out the front door and leaning on the porch. Y/n grabbed her jacket and walked out. She underestimated the frigid Chicago air which felt like a sharp slap to her face, serving as a wake-up call. It reminded her that the warm and fuzzy feeling she had been battling within herself was merely fleeting, and that the reality of the world could be much harsher and more painful. 

Y/n couldn’t help but wonder why Carmen was even bothering with her, they had nothing in common but the restaurant. Work was everything for him and Sydney, their shared connection always pulled them together despite both of their volatile personalities. What pulled y/n and Carmen together? They both worked in the restaurant but Carmen didn’t have a passion for running said restaurant, it was a mere obligation that y/n took from him. If she stopped working there, what else did they have in common? 

Y/n came to the daunting realization that Carmen picked Sydney because he saw potential in her, a chance to let both him and her grow. However, he didn’t pick y/n because he saw something deeper in her, it was an act of embarrassed desperation. 

Was she just a means to help Carmen get his shit together? The restaurant meant a lot to Micheal and after he died Carmen stopped seeing the restaurant as something that was out of his reach but as something to connect him to his brother, a small thread connecting the estranged brothers. Y/n was there to hold up the connection in the vaguest of ways, she kept the restaurant afloat so Carmen could come to terms with Micheals’s legacy, good and bad.

She was lost in thought when she heard the door close, she turned her head to see Carmen was already lighting a cigarette. It was difficult for her to be objective when Carmen locked eyes with her with such intensity. Y/n ripped her eyes from him and faced forward looking at the neighbor's yard, they had nice shrubs. 

“I thought you left.” Carmen started as he leaned on the railing with y/n. He looked forward to see what was so interesting that y/n couldn’t look him in the face, it was just some trees.

“I needed some air.”

“You could catch a cold.” 

��I don’t get sick, sick is a mindset.” Y/n was obviously joking. 

She lowered her head so that she could feel the cold metal on her forehead, maybe a different type of pain would make this conversation easier. Her forehead landed on something warm, the back of Carmen’s hand. She turned her head to its side but remained connected to Carmen’s hand. The warmth radiating on her cheek was making her stomach do backflips. Even if she knew she shouldn’t be indulging like this she couldn’t help it. He felt too good and y/n was getting more and more greedy. 

“Hey, Carmen?” Carmen was still staring at y/n. “What do we have in common?” He looked taken aback.

“We like each other…” He was starting to feel the slow slitter of nausea because he knew the other shoe was about to drop.

“If we don’t have much in common, what do we talk about?” 

“We can talk about whatever we like. It’s nice to…be with someone who isn't wrapped up in the same things as me.” Carmen expressed a genuine warmth in his voice. Carmen wanted to say that she made him feel like the roof wasn’t going to collapse on him and that the small things weren’t going to destroy him but it felt selfish to describe how much he cared for her based on how she made him feel and not on facts about her. 

“I don’t care about fancy food.” Y/n blurted out.

Carmen chuckled, “You know about the vendors, where the supplies are sourced, how much they cost, and a bunch of other stuff. You do care, just in a different way than I do.”

“Is that a good thing?”

“It gives me perspective. It’s very realistic and grounded.” Y/n knew he was calling her realistic and grounded. 

“I like hearing you talk about my food.” Carmen offered.

“Even if it’s just “good”?”

“Especially if it's just "good". That means you're telling me the truth.” Carmen recalled a ninth grade world history lesson about the Rosetta Stone, an artifact written in three different languages and made it possible to translate some ancient language. Though he hadn't fully paid attention during the lesson, Carmen now saw the parallel. If Y/n had the courage to express her opinions on his food, it meant she was being honest with him about everything else. 

Y/n cracked a smile before covering her mouth and started laughing. It was a jarring sound, Carmen couldn’t pinpoint what the laugh was meant to convey but he knew it wasn’t good. 

“What?” Carmen asked, Y/n rubbed her face with her cold hands. 

“You said that you were scared of me a while back but now…” Y/n's laughter softened into a smaller chuckle, conveying a mix of amusement and irony.

“I’m scared of you.” The weight was lifted off her shoulders and slammed down on Carmen's. Y/n wondered if this is how the rest of their relationship was going to be; one person transferring their hurt to the other till the weight became too much to bear. 

"It's... I want to bring so many things up to you but..." Y/n wondered if this counted as an accusation. "..you’re so flighty. I don't know what to say that won't make you..." Y/n struggled to find a word that didn't feel so definitive, but the only word that felt honest was, "...leave."

The porch fell into an uneasy silence, both of them grappling with the weight of Y/n's vulnerability.

"I...I didn't realize..." Carmen stammered, his voice betraying his inner turmoil. "I would never just... leave." They both stared in silence, they knew that wasn’t true. Y/n lifted her head leaving the warmth behind, she knew this wouldn’t work if he made false promises. And against everything telling her to just accept his promise as law and ignore any doubts, she couldn’t fool herself like that. 

“That’s such bullshit.” Y/n lighty giggled. It felt as though a shark had promised to stop swimming—it was ingrained in their nature. In that lighthearted moment, a mischievous thought crossed Y/n's mind: What would happen if Carmen actually stopped running away? Would he cease to exist, like a fish in space? 

Her playful musings, though immature, offered a brief respite from the weight of their conversation. It was a temporary escape, a way to diffuse the tension. Y/n noticed that she brought all this shit up to comfort herself but she was giggling to make him feel safe. Even when she knew she shouldn’t, she couldn't help but try to make him feel better. 

As the laughter subsided, Y/n met Carmen's eyes, she forced herself to ignore the emotions he was conveying and instead tried to match his eyes with things she had seen in the past. If this ended poorly, she would miss his eyes the most and she wanted to know what else could match in intensity in case she never got to see him like this ever again, nothing came to mind.

Carmen felt like he was backed into a corner, he couldn’t promise her anything without her, justifiably, doubting him. 

"I don't want to leave you," Carmen offered, his voice carrying a mixture of sincerity and vulnerability. It was the most honest response he could offer at that moment. He couldn't guarantee that he wouldn't feel the urge to run, to escape when things got tough, but he had a genuine desire to stay. 

Y/n's eyes met Carmen's, her expression softened. She knew it wasn't a perfect answer, but it was a step forward. It was enough to know that he acknowledged his own complexities and still chose to be present with her.

They stood in the quiet watching neighbors turn off their living room lights and go upstairs. She wanted to test out whether, “They could talk about whatever they wanted too.” 

“What do you think they’re doing?” Y/n asked, Carmen parted his lips and turned his face to look at y/n so see if she was serious, she was.

“I think they go to bed and she has this super long night time routine and he is already asleep by the time she gets to bed. You?” Y/n knew that if they ever slept over at each other’s place, that’s exactly what would happen between them. 

“She probably got home from a shit day and she starts reading an easy romance book…Do you read any books?”

“They are mostly cooking stuff.” He took a drag from his cigarette.

“You read cookbooks for entertainment?”

“Sometimes, it's a part of the craft.” Carmen realized how fucking pretentious he sounded and was a bit ashamed but seeing y/n refrain from teasing him by bitting her lips made him not want to crawl into a hole and die of shame, her smile was addicting. “…but there is a lot of history and science too. '' Carmen knew he sucked at conversation but he would do anything to keep talking. 

“What was your last book?” 

Y/n and Carmen kept talking till they lost track of time and eventually when they had reached a comfortable lull, y/n could confidently say that they were in fact capable of holding a conversation about mundane shit. 

Against every fiber of her being telling her to end their conversation like this, she couldn’t help but ask, “What happens…if this ends?” Y/n didn’t know if she was supposed to use “if” or “when”; one was cautious, the other was a prophecy. 

Carmen didn’t look back at her, instead giving her, “You’ll still have a job…I’m not a dick…all the time.” Y/n lips curved upwards. 

“Will you be able to work with someone you’ve been in a relationship with?” 

“Yes.” Carmen wondered if the answer could ever be anything other than yes. 

Y/n knew that if this ended badly she would be allowed to stick around so that Carmen would have an excuse to throw himself at his work. She would be the catalyst to merge him from an individual to a vague reflection of Micheal’s legacy. 

Whether or not Carmen knew it, Micheal was a huge influence in his life and just like Micheal began to isolate himself towards the end, Carmen would do the same if they drifted apart. It was his inherent weakness and a relationship gone sour that would make it difficult for him to break the cycle that Micheal had started. 

“I won’t stay if it hurts you, Carmen.”

“I would want you to stay, y/n.”

“There is no trophy that comes with going through unnecessary shit.”

“I know, I would still need you.” Carmen hesitated but eventually placed his hand top on y/n's. 

“Because I can do the books?” Y/n rolled her eyes jokingly. 

“No…you do more than that. You are…” Carmen read books with a shit ton of adjectives, they had to be descriptive to describe food through text. Despite that, he was at a loss for words to describe her.

"You are..." he began again, this time his voice was a little gentler than before. He took a deep breath, hoping that he could find those words that would express everything he felt.

"You are very important to me,". His voice was soft like he was realizing this for the first time. 

The second time was meant for y/n, "You are very important to me."  I love you, y/n. 

Y/n locked eyes with Carmen for a moment. 

"You are important to me too." I love you, Carmen.

Neither of them had the courage to say that to each other, wondering if they were the only one’s feeling like this. 

They both had jackets on but y/n’s hands were freezing and she could feel Carmen’s hand was also ice cold. She knew that they had both reached their limits but y/n couldn’t help but relish in the cold for a bit longer. 

For y/n, the biting cold was always a catalyst for clarity, stripping away the unnecessary and forcing y/n to distill her focus onto the few things that mattered. Amidst the frost, she found solace in the simplicity. It was within this chilling environment that she discovered a clear chance to confront her inner turmoil head-on and confront the world. 

Carmen had always been drawn to the intense heat. It was as if the scorching temperatures matched the fire that burned within him, igniting his passion and driving him forward but leaving him with nothing to look back on. Extreme heat was his poison of choice, his way of confronting the world. 

Carmen’s heat was turning her mind into a messy slurry of slush. Y/n had to force herself to focus despite the fact that Carmen’s hand was providing her with a sliver of intoxicating  warmth.

“You didn’t ask me to be your girlfriend.” Carmen’s head shot up aback by y/n's words. He was excited to introduce her to his family, and he hadn't thought to ask her permission first. He tried to explain himself, his words coming out in a rush.

"I didn't mean to assume anything. I just thought that since we've been seeing each other for a while now, it was... " He took a moment to catch his breath, trying to gather his thoughts.

“I think you should try asking first.” Carmen stared at y/n not knowing if this was a trap to get rejected twice. He opted for silence.

“Carmen, ask me if I want to be your girlfriend?” Carmen didn't want to say the wrong thing, not when it was so important, for someone so important. Carmen trusted y/n so he stubbed his cigarette on the ashtray before taking a deep breath and asking, “Will you be my girlfriend, y/n.” 

Y/n wrapped her freezing hands around his neck accidentally grazing her finger on his neck making him shiver. She leaned in against his lip and even though they had kissed before this, Carmen felt like he couldn’t think. Y/n lips barely touching Carmen’s before whispering a soft, “Yes, Carmy.” 

Carmen closed the small gap between their lips. And y/n felt a gentle heat seep through the folds of her head making it difficult to focus on her freezing fingers, or her numb toes, or her goosebump riddled legs, or her shivering arms. Y/n felt Carmen pull her closer and even though they were as close as physically possible, it wasn’t enough. Carmen’s lips left y/n’s before trailing down the column of her neck, y/n could feel the blossoming of heat radiate from his lips. Y/n’s hands sank down to Carmen’s waist and slowly drifted up his shirt. The cold sent shivers down his spine as y/n’s hands moved at a glacial pace. 

Just as Carmen reached the collar of her jacket he looked up at her and y/n had to resist every irrational and reckless part of her that told her to continue. The realization that they were on Carmen’s sister’s porch made y/n look around to ground herself. She landed on a black box right near the door before looking back to Carmen with her mouth agape and her eyes wide open. 

“What?” Carmen questioned with furrowed eyebrows.

“We are on your sister's porch.” Y/n said with a thousand yard stare and a distant mutter.

“I’m not a fucking animal, obviously we aren’t going to do this here.” Y/n softly grasped Carmen’s face before turning towards the black box, a doorbell camera. 

“Jesus…fuck.” They both looked at each other before y/n scrambled inside with Carmen right behind her. Either they were caught and they had to face Natalie despite the embarrassment or they got to the footage before Natalie saw it.  

Y/n let Carmen lead her to Natalie’s room, who thankfully was still laying on her side, Pete had gone to the restroom. 

Y/n leaned up to Carmen before whispering, “Distract her.” Carmen sat near Natalie and asked her if she wanted some ginger-ale or if he should stop by a pharmacy. 

Natalie's phone was on the nightstand and y/n swiped it when Natalie wasn’t looking before unlocking her phone with the password she acquired from being noisy. She then deleted the footage of the last hour from her Ring app. Y/n wanted to scroll back a few months to watch Carmen call her for the first time but she didn’t have enough time. 

Y/n set the phone exactly how she found it and gave Carmen a subtle thumbs up. 

“I’m fine, I think I need to sleep this off.” Natalie sat up while glancing at y/n and y/n had to resist freezing like a criminal caught in the spotlight. 

“I’m really sorry-” Natalie started.

“Please don’t be. I had a great time. Is there anything we can do for you before we leave?” Y/n felt bad for taking advantage of Natalie’s pregnancy induced sickness but this was a matter of prestige, she wouldn’t be able to set foot in this house if Natalie ever saw the footage.  

Natalie shook her head no and they said their goodbye’s before Camren and y/n practically tripped over themselves running out of that house. They sprinted to the car and slammed the doors shut before bursting out laughing. Y/n felt like she was a teenager again, sneaking her boyfriend out the fire escape before her mom walked in. Carmen pushed his forehead into the steering wheel to laugh and the sound that echoed felt like it was melting itself into y/n’s brain, forever branded into her memory. 

“How many times have you been here, Carmen? You never noticed the fucking camera, you dick?” Y/n struggled to shake off the heat that pulsed up her body, Camren hadn’t even started the car yet and she was burning up. 

“I…I never looked, what kind of freak looks?”Carmen said in between laughs. Y/n gave him a fake look of disapproval.

“Turn the car on, Berzatto, you’re getting on my fucking nerves.”

Carmen turned on his car before pulling out of Natalie’s driveway, he was still snickering and in the streetlight y/n could see his neck turn bright red. 

“Stop by a CVS or something.” Y/n said while fiddling with the radio.

“You think you caught something from Nat.” Y/n resisted telling him that pregnancy wasn’t contagious, men are so fucking stupid. 

“You have condoms on you?” Carmen slammed on the break, lucky they were at a red light.

“N...no.” Scarlet crawled up his neck and up his face. Y/n didn’t know someone’s ears could ever get that red before. Carmen stayed still trying to collect his fractured thoughts. 

“It's green, Carmen.”

He stepped on the gas and y/n was glad that the roads were practically empty because he was driving like he had all the insurance in the world. He pulled over to a Walgreens and ran out of the car. Y/n shook her head at his shit parking, he was in between two spots. Carmen came back in a minute with a plastic bag, y/n could decipher from the shapes that he had also bought some gatorades too. 

Carmen pulled out of the parking lot.

Y/n didn’t recognize the streets on their ride back, “Your place?” 

“Mine is closer.” Carmen replied, his voice tinged with a mix of anticipation.

Y/n could help but giggle, she always loved it when he was desperate. She knew it was wrong, but she always felt such a rush of excitement when her control over him was at its pinnacle and they both knew it.

When they reached a stop sign, y/n glanced over at Camren and saw that he was already looking back at her. 

They couldn’t seem to care that they were wading in uncharted waters and they couldn’t convince themselves that this was going to end badly enough for them to not at least try. If they looked at each other like that, there was no way they were going to let each other go. 

__

End Notes:

Fire + Ice = Vapor; It took me an embarrassing amount of time to think of that.

There is a lot of tension and maturity that needs to be written in smut for it to be good and I just can’t do that. I tried for this one and I had to close my laptop and take a lap because the second hand embarrassment was too much. So those drafts have been deleted and I’m glad I never have to see them again. 

I didn't think people would like Turbulence, I was going to delete it after a few hours and just keep it to myself but i'm glad that people liked it so ig it's here to stay. I tried to keep this one more contained then Turbulence bc writing about multiple days is such a pain.

I really don’t know what else I might write about for these two, or in general, so if you have any suggestions feel free to send them to me. If your suggestion inspires me, you better believe that I'm going to get out of bed at 2 in the morning and start writing. Or we can bury these two in a shallow grave and forget they exist, which is also fine by me because I think fic aged me.

[paper-mario-wiki]

may i ask why you want to move to japan specifically? wouldn't you be able to find a place to live in america?

tbh the differences in quality of life between countries are so stark that i can give 1 reason at a time and you'd understand why any of them individually would make me want to move.

here's 1 reason: insurance.

in the united states, i pay $450 a month for private health insurance. with that health insurance, i have a yearly deductible, which means that on top of the $5k+ a year I have to pay monthly just to HAVE the insurance, I also have several thousand in medical bills that I've got to pay out of pocket before my insurance begins covering things proper. and after i spend almost $10,000 to actually have my insurance start kicking in (which i have to meet every year, meaning in January I have to start paying the 10k all over again), i also have to pay coinsurance (the percentage of my healthcare that my insurance DOESNT cover), which is a different percentage and base rate based on what specific healthcare service I'm getting. even then, healthcare in the USA is significantly more expensive on a foundational level without insurance than most other countries.

in japan, the amount I could have been paying monthly for the government subsidized National Health Insurance was $5 because I was a student, but I didnt know how to apply for that so I paid the general price of $70 monthly. after that, starting immediately after you begin payment, the national health insurance covers 70%-90% of healthcare costs depending on tax bracket (higher coverage for those earning less). Japanese insurance ALSO has a deductible, which resets monthly instead of yearly, starting at around $150. if the amount that you pay out of pocket exceeds your monthly deductible and you still need healthcare services, you can apply for a reimbursement on all medical expenses for the rest of the month.

that is 1 reason i want to move away from the united states and back to japan.

[meetinginsamarra]

My AO3 wrapped 2024

The Curious Case of the Casablanca Killer 56k

Deemed a three at best, the case of an invisible burglar in a historic cinema who stole nothing only caught Sherlock’s attention because he was bored. Also, he wanted to do John a favour. In the end, this proved to be a real stroke of luck. Otherwise, Sherlock would have missed an intriguing mystery that quickly ramped up in complexity.

I started the year writing/finishing the casefic which is a gift to my friend and beta reader @peageetibbs . This took way over a year to write, as there had been a lot of plotting and figuring out clues and deductions. Also, several breaks in writing because of IRL or when other fics "interfered" and delayed finishing it.

It's a complex intriguing case starting in a historic cinema and our heroes exhibit a well-established friendship.

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Mayprompts 2025 - hosted by calaisreno

The 31 prompts this May generated a boost of creativity that spawned 3 ficlets, 2 limericks and one poem as well as two stories (see below).

Open 

Sherlock comes back from the dead and John welcomes him home in a most unexpected way.

Family Day

Little Rosie defends her best friend and is pretty smart about it.

The Blanket Detective

Sharing a bed with Sherlock ist perilous.

2 Limericks and 1 Poem 

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Also, I wrote two 12k fics, continuously using the other prompts which totally surprised me as their plot developed so quickly nearly without my doing. LOL

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The Perfect Place 10k

Sherlock needs a flatmate and already has the perfect person in mind. Now he only needs to convince his object of desire to move in and also find out if he desires Sherlock as well.

This began with the may prompt "box" and developed into the "Bed Shop Boys-AU" (@helloliriels coined this lovely moniker). The only ever AU where John works as a bed shop assistent! This is pure fun and people claimed in the comments to have laughed a lot. Happy Johnlock end!

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White Pony Tattoo 11k

John Watson needs a tattoo covered up. Sherlock Holmes of "White Pony Tattoo" is one of the best artists in London. He's also difficult and brilliant and beautiful as John is about to find out.

I love tattoo shop AUs and finally had an idea for writing my own. A little bit of enemies (Sherlock is a beautiful, seductive arsehole at first) to lovers (John finds out what Sherlock is hiding underneath his pricky shell), a bit of hurt/comfort and a happy ending.

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Take My Broken Love 48k

Standing on the airfield's tarmac and about to fly off to a suicide mission, Sherlock says what he had always wanted to say to John but never had. His words drastically changed the course of events.

This year's whumptober again sucked me into a deep writing rabbit hole. For about six weeks I used practically all the spare I had (and a lot of time I dd not actually have) to write this. Again, it has been a great experience to be so immersed into writing and again, it was (positively) stressful af.

I had this concept in my mind that all of the main characters' love for someone is broken and flawed.

Starting with an alternative ending of the tarmac scene, the first half of the fic concentrates on their hurt and emotional whump which sets the stage for what happens next. The second half concentrates on Sherlock's mission and features more physical whump. I had a plotty spy mission in my mind with lots of twists and intrigues. I also focused a lot on characterization.

I am still beyond thrilled and incredibly proud that I could pull this off so well. (I know, I'm praising myself, but still, comments confirm it.) I personally think that this is my best writing, technically and plot-wise.

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A Minor Detail

Sherlock has found the perfect flatmate for sharing 221b Baker Street. If only there would not be that minor detail in the small print of the lease agreement. Now, John has no other choice but take part in Sherlock‘s scheme.

I participated in Fandom Trumps Hate for the first time this year and @lostinsherlock44 generously bid on me.

I had this funny idea and then, the characters seemingly acted out of their own will and the fic just developed. This is definitely the funniest thing I have ever written and lots of comments tell about readers having laughed out loud. This makes me so very happy in return that my writing could give people a little good time and happiness.

[swissmissficrecs]

Johnlock fics I read in 2023

This is everything I read in the Sherlock Holmes fandom last year that made it into my bookmarks. So while I may not have read enough to make a selected "best of" list, consider these the ones that made it past all my internal selection criteria and are deserving of a spotlight. A few of these were completed prior to 2023.

A Case of You by Silvergirl (17K, M, Johnlock, Sherlock/OMC) Sherlock is marrying an American, and at the rehearsal dinner, best man John makes a drunken love confession he doesn’t remember the next day. Badly hungover, John can't find anyone to tell him what the hell happened to the wedding, where the grooms are, or how he can put it right so that Sherlock can be happy. But what if he's dead wrong about what will make Sherlock happy?

A Midnight Clear by khorazir (16K, T, Johnlock) It’s Christmas Eve, and Sherlock is working. Because that’s what he does. He doesn’t need Christmas, or holiday cheer, or even company. He’s fine on his own, thank you very much – until a series of strange encounters on his way back to Baker Street makes him reconsider.

A Story That Is Almost, But Not Quite, Entirely Unlike Blue Carbuncle by Iwantthatcoat (16K, M, Johnlock) It’s the most wonderful time of the year, and the Holmes Family is all set to have one of those unimaginable Christmas dinners— but the game is afoot, as Mummy’s friend is caught up in a Christmas mystery.

An Elegant Solution by ArwaMachine (19K, E, Johnlock) Sherlock finds himself unspeakably aroused by the idea of John with another man. Problem is, the only man Sherlock will permit be with John is Sherlock himself. Seems like an unsolvable problem. ... or is it?

An Ocean Away by westernredcedar (14K, T, Johnlock) Sherlock Holmes has been gone for twenty long years, time enough for John Watson's daughter to make it all the way to Harvard University.

Avast Ye Merry Gentlemen by StellaCartography (10K, E, Johnlock) Sherlock is not a Christmas person. John decides it's Christmas that needs changing.

Bright Blue Ink by 13_33 (13K, G, Johnlock, Warstan) When one of my patients asks me about my relationship with Sherlock Holmes, the great detective, I answer this: I am his chronicler, his assistant in solving crimes, his confidant and friend. Of course, all these terms hold true, now as then, at the beginning of our shared history. But just as in a family portrait you can only see the put-on smiles and never the real faces of the people, they were only part of what made up my true relationship with Holmes. I know him, I then add; I know him well. [ACD]

Deductive Reasoning by cormorant (8K, T, Johnlock) John finds out that Sherlock has assumed for a while that their relationship was romantic, and feels like maybe he should have been notified about that.

Doting Husbands by Calais_Reno (16K, M, Johnlock) Sherlock takes on a new hobby: writing a story. If only something would happen! Takes place a year after the ending of Wooing Sherlock Holmes. He and John have been married for a year, still retired, living in Sussex.

Full Mount by ArwaMachine (54K, E, Johnlock) After Sherlock unceremoniously returns from the dead, John finds himself inexplicably angry all the time. So he does what any emotionally-constipated British man does: he joins a Mixed Martial Arts gym. As John throws himself into the sport and joins in on underground no-holds-barred brawls, situations arise that just might force John to face what is really going on underneath all the rage.

Indefinite Lines by ArwaMachine (298K, E, Johnlock) When two lines, inclined towards each other, are extended indefinitely, it is inevitable that they meet. Upon meeting, the lines become something new. Together. Perhaps it’s been like that from the beginning for Sherlock and John—their lives weaving together, inclined towards one another, moving closer and closer to something greater than themselves.

Live from the Morgue by disfictional (8K, E, Johnlock) Molly interviews Sherlock on her podcast, Live from the Morgue. John listens.

Lost In A Good Book by khorazir (68K, M, Johnlock) After chasing a criminal into a poky second-hand bookshop, John and Sherlock find themselves not only stuck in the building, but in L-space itself. With things still raw and unsettled between them after the events surrounding the Culverton Smith case, this adds another dimension to their predicament, which not only consists of finding a way out of the shop (while avoiding getting murdered by the criminal), but also to finally address the issues between them.

Nightjet by khorazir (22K, M, Johnlock) Officially deceased for eighteen months and still looking for the last remainders of Moriarty’s criminal empire, an exhausted Sherlock boards a night train in Germany to bring him to his next hunting ground. Due to a mishap with the sleeper cars, he is forced to share a compartment with a stranger – who turns out to be not quite as strange as Sherlock thought. The universe isn’t lazy, after all …

Nothing to Celebrate by DiscordantWords (30K, M, Johnlock, Warstan) Sherlock Holmes is back from the dead. Things only get worse from there.

Our Ghosts And This by LipstickDaddy (12K, T, Johnlock) An epilogue in three acts.

Primavera by Berty (9K, T, Johnlock) Italy in the springtime is as romantic as it gets but is it enough to free unspoken words and feelings after years of silence?

Salut d'Amour by ecoutes (11K, G, Johnlock) Despite Holmes claiming that my narrations of our cases were tainted with sentimentality, his preferences in music, I learned, were awfully romantic. [ACD]

Spare Parts by Raina_at (63K, E, Johnlock) Two years ago, Sherlock Holmes jumped off the roof of New London Hospital. Two months ago, he walked into John's clinic as if no time had passed at all. John hasn't seen him since. But then Sherlock knocks on John's door with a case he can't say no to, and while figuring out why the biggest manufacturer or synthetic limbs in the System is going after veterans, they also need to find out whether there's a way to fix what's broken between them.

stirringofbirds between my arms by NotusLethe (18K, E, Johnlock, Enola/Tewksbury) Over the years, John Watson gets to know his new flatmate, Sherlock Holmes, and the man's clever ward. [Enola Holmes]

Stretch by illwick (13K, E, Johnlock) Sometimes the lines get blurry. [Part 35 of a BDSM established relationship series]

The Adventure of The Reluctant Docent by mydogwatson (23K, T, Johnlock) Someone is killing the docents of London. Sherlock is on the case when he meets a very interesting docent.

The Case of the Freudian Dick Pic Slip by expoduck (11K, E, Johnlock) John accidentally sends Sherlock a dick pic he'd intended for another man.

The Mystery of the Missing Metallurgist by rudbeckia (14K, M, Johnlock) A young wife engages Holmes to find her missing husband. Lestrade thinks the man has absconded to America, but Holmes rises to the challenge of Proving Lestrade Wrong. The case turns out to be far more complex and dangerous than they first thought, and Holmes sends Watson to secure Lestrade’s help in bringing a criminal gang to justice. When Holmes gets injured, Watson realises where his heart lies and a little lighthearted banter leads to a tentative confession. [ACD]

The Silence Between the Notes by J_Baillier (44K, M, Johnlock, Viclock) Lieutenant John Watson's days in London are painted in shades of grey after losing both his military career and his family. Could an unexpected request to travel to Vienna to track down the errant son of a wealthy family break the monotony?

The Wizard of Baker Street by Calais_Reno (23K, T, Johnlock) In which Sherlock is a wizard under a curse and John spends a lot of time as a cat.

‘tis the damn season by chrysanthemumsies (22K, E, Johnlock) Sherlock and John travel to Edinburgh to catch a homophobic serial killer in time for Christmas. They figure out how to use their words, more or less.

Trapezoid by SilentAuror (27K, E, Johnlock, OMC/ OMC) Corey Graham invites John and Sherlock to visit L.A. to consult on a project… at least, officially.

Yorkshire by lurikko (8K, E, Johnlock) They're in Yorkshire, in a house in the moors, for a case, only Sherlock keeps touching John. [Omegaverse]

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

Hey! That anon post about potential financial fraud was super interesting. I’m not sure if anyone mentioned yet but unless I’m mistaken, any gifts/giveaways/freebies amounting to a total of $10,000 or more over a fiscal year need to be reported to the IRS. I would not be surprised if Meghan receives way above that amount and in the past may not have reported all of these. What are your thoughts?

Not quite - the gift tax is only for the giver, and only if the gift exceeds the annual exclusion amount (which is actually $18,000 per recipient for 2024). The receipient never pays the gift tax.

Once the gift exceeds the annual exclusion amount, then the lifetime exclusion amount kicks in ($13 million per US citizen in 2024). So let's say I gifted Meghan $25,000. I have to report the $7,000 overage ($25K - $18K = $7K) on my taxes, but I don't have to pay it because it's being deducted from my $13 million lifetime exclusion. I don't actually start paying gift tax until I've "spent" my lifetime exclusion, which I have my whole life to use.

(Here's the TurboTax explainer.)

So the IRS wouldn't ding Meghan for not reporting gifts, swag bags, and freebies as long as she can prove that they were gifts and not income (ie payment).

What probably happened that the IRS considered something Meghan received that was worth $900 as income and taxed her for it but she disagreed that was income and probably tried to justify it as a gift to get that money back.

(I'm not sure where you got $10K for the gift tax exclusion. It hasn't been $10K for a very, very long time.)

[copperbadge]

Radio Free Monday

Good morning everyone, and welcome to Radio Free Monday!

A note before we begin -- normally I don't do this (as you all know) but I happened to see a comment on one of the RFM posts this week by someone offering help in their crowdfunding campaign, and it reeks so strongly of the worst kind of predator that I wanted to get the word out -- kendrajanesblog is apparently running around fundraising posts offering to help, but the only post on their own blog is an offer to build an email campaign on kickstarter for $20. I don't think this is reportable but it is absolutely appalling, so I suggest blocking this person and passing the word if you see them commenting on a fundraising post. I'm hoping this is not a new trend but given the last spam trend on Tumblr was people sending asks about fake fundraisers, I can't be sure this isn't the next wave.

Ways to Give:

Anon linked to a fundraiser for Jack "Rocky" Payne and his wife Cloie, who are trying to offset the cost of his care for ALS, including medical bills, equipment, and accessible renovations to their home. He is no longer able to work due to the disease, and she has had to take leave in order to care for him full-time, which has obviously left them struggling financially. You can read more and give to the fundraiser here.

kitsumo linked to a fundraiser for his family, a single autistic mother with five neurodivergent kids, which has recently become homeless in California and need funds for necessities like food, covering phone bills, and shelter. You can read more and reblog here or give directly here.

grindthebones linked to a fundraiser for Kelsey and her dog Annie; Kelsey is a young disabled woman who isn't on social security yet, and her family recently stopped paying her rent and will not allow her back in the home; they're trying to prevent homelessness while she finds housing and aid. You can read more and support the fundraiser here.

gorkhandsmcschmuck is raising funds to cover an overdraft; due to some banking nonsense around Memorial Day he ended up with a negative balance, and needs to raise $50 to cover it, hoping to raise $100 to help with food until the first paycheck comes in. You can read more and reblog here or give directly via paypal here.

wolfsbanesparks linked to a fundraiser for friends who just lost their house in a flood, including almost all of their possessions; their insurance is balking at covering anything, so they're having to pay for repairs out of pocket. You can read more and support the fundraiser here.

News To Know:

blackestglass is running the fourth annual Chromatic Characters Podfic Anthology, which collects podfics of stories of less than 1500 words and center characters of color. This year's optional theme is "solidarity" and the due date for submissions is September 12th; this is a final call for volunteers of color who would like to lend their services as contextual content betas (formerly known as cultural sensitivity listeners) which is their biggest need at this point. You can read more and comment here to volunteer or ask a question, DM the mods on twitter at ccpamods, or email ccpamods at gmail.com.

Recurring Needs:

Anon linked to a fundraiser for dee-the-red-witch, a trans woman who needs to raise $10K to keep her home. You can read more, reblog, and find giving information here, give via paypal here, or purchase her leatherwork here.

frenchroasted's cousin, who has been fundraising for a used wheelchair-accessible van after herniating her back lifting her stepson's wheelchair and had to have surgery for it, has partnered with MyDMDHero which is now hosting their fundraiser on GiveButter so that their donations are tax-deductible. You can read more and support the fundraiser, formerly at GoFundMe, here. (Also to Frenchroasted -- got your request, can do.)

alirhi linked to a fundraiser to get herself, her mother, and her sister stable housing; they are currently staying in their cars in a a dangerous parking lot. They have a friend who will let them park a camper in her yard, but the camper there currently is unlivable, and they haven't been able to find an affordable replacement. With two of the family on disability it is difficult for them to keep up with bills and also save for housing. You can read more, reblog, and find giving information here including a few new ways to give.

And this has been Radio Free Monday! Thank you for your time. You can post items for my attention at the Radio Free Monday submissions form. If you're new to fundraising, you may want to check out my guide to fundraising here.

[weaponized-mathematics]

Love it... my $10k bonus after deductions was $4685 into my account 😭

[rosesnink]

Red Threads of Fate (That Binds Us Together) Part One: The World Is a Napkin

Author's Notes

Was I inspired by @thosehallowedhalls 's 30 Days 30 Drabbles to make my own drabbles series? Yes, yes I was. This series won't be a series per se, but rather small drabbles of canon and my own universe with my OC Nerea and her trysts with the Thornes, as well as glimpses with Neera and Trystan, pre and post b1 and 2. I will try to keep them small and simple, but knowing my overperfectionist and wordy self? It'd be hard, lol, I'm recovering from writing +10k word chapters with TCH lol. Enjoy!

English isn't my first language, so please forgive any typos/grammar mistakes

No beta, we die like men and all that jazz

If you wish to be tagged in my COP stuff, let me know!

All Spanish dialogue will be translated at the end of the fic

Summary: Trystan's curiosity gets the better of her... and Neera

Word Count: 1.1k

Category: Pining idiots, mild jealousy

Pairing: F!Trystan x F!MC (Neera Rose) mentions of Vasili Thorne x F!OC & Sebastyan x F!OC (Nerea Rose)

Rating: PG-13

Book: Crimes of Passion

Princess Trystan had noticed two things about Neera when collaborating with Ginovesi Agency: one, she depended too much on cheap ‘migas’ and noodles to eat, and always smiled up when the name ‘Nere <3’ showed up on her phone, which irritated Trystan in a way she was yet to describe.

She always walked away and talked for very long minutes with her. She didn’t know who this Nere was, but she disliked her, and she couldn’t quite place why. She hogged all of Neera’s attention, and had not once showed up to the office.

“So,” she asked Luke, who was tying some complicated computer stuff “who is Nere? Is she Neera’s girlfriend or something?”

Luke stopped in his tracks, turned his gaze to her and looked at the princess like she had just turned blue “Her what now?”

“I mean, she smiles like an idiot when she calls, talk for hours with her and I haven’t met her yet.”

Luke blinked “And you think, just with those facts, that she’s her girlfriend?”

Trystan shrugged, trying to hide her burning jealousy “Isn’t she?”

“No!”

“Then what is she?”

A familiar voice called “Her cousin, to whom she considers a sister.” Trystan turned around to see Mafalda Ginovesi, staring at her gravely “And if Detective Rose were to date someone, it is none of our business, Your Highness. But, if you do consider it your business, then quit beating around the bush. Neera’s smart for clues and deductions, but for dating? She’s as clueless as a cloud.”

Trystan simply nodded. She felt terribly embarrassed, not only by her jealous assumptions, but of how called out she felt. “Got it, boss.”

“Good. Speaking of Detective Rose, she ought to be here soon. Do try to wash off your jealousy while you’re at it, perhaps by browsing at the clues gathered so far.”

Wanting nothing more than to stop being called out, she pretended to browse over the evidence. She found it impossible, for Neera’s fragrance was present in the office: leather, cherry and cheap Red bull. Waiting for Luke to be lost in his computer again, she browsed through her photos: one with her father, who was rather handsome, a beautiful woman with a pregnant belly, taken in the early 90s –Neera’s mother, she supposed—and two teenagers from the 00s posing and smiling wide- It was certainly Neera, and whom she supposed was Nerea: they looked alike, although Nerea’s skin was a bit more tanned than brown like Neera’s, had a sweeter face and a very long, wavy dark brown hair.

Then, it came to her as lightning; she had seen this woman before, somewhere. She quickly whipped out her phone and searched ‘Nerea Rose’. There it was. An academic genius all over the US and Europe: tons of academic credits and titles in Europe, endless essays that were too long for Trystan’s tastes, her Pictagram account, photos with friends, newspapers talking about her… and photos smiling and chatting with two of her brothers: Vasili and Sebastyan.

Not being able to help it, she started reading the articles: she and Vasili seemed like they were a thing, holding hands and some kisses on her hand and his cheek, and then what it seemed like a photo of her confronting him. The same with Sebastyan, but those photos of them being close reeked intense-ness, a very Bas-esque behavior. Then, a photo of her that looked like she was confronting him, and then, they seemed to move on to someone else.

It seemed like she just continued with her life, and quickly whipped out their Picta accounts. Indeed, thenerearosex_. followed them both and seemed to like every photo, though no comment whatsoever. She wondered if Neera knew. Or Luke.

“Morning,” Neera greeted. She stopped when she saw Trystan hovering over her desk, glued to her phone “Uhm, Trystan?” She broke out of her trance “The hell are you doing in my desk?”

She cleared her throat “That your parents? I see where you get your looks, Detective.”

Neera simply glared “Get out of there before I move you.”

She held her hands up “Oh, fine. What do we have today?”

Neera flatly declared “Since we got demoted from the Dormer case, we are retaking possible cheaters.”

Trystan smirked “We?”

Neera took a deep breath “The possible dirtbag is a socialite. I’m taking you because you’re, well, useful. Don’t make me throw you out of the car.”

“That’d be treason.” She mocked.

“I’ll live. Pick your drink of choice and let’s go.”

After a few silent ten minutes, Trystan spoke up “You never told me you had a cousin. Sister? Sister-cousin?”

Neera raised her eyebrow “Who told you?”

“Mafalda,” she tried to sound casual “I Googled her. Seems nice.”

Her expression softened “She is the best of us. If someone deserves to thrive in Europe, it’s her.”

Trystan cleared her throat, slowing down in case this backfired. “I also saw an interesting thing about her when Googling her.”

“And what is that? My sister does many things that gets on the Google page.”

Time to brace for impact “I’ve seen a… few photos of her with two of my brothers. They seemed… close.”

Neera froze. She looked at Trystan like she had just said that the sun was a planet and it revolved around earth.

“Que mi hermana ¿qué?”

Trystan wasn’t fluent in Spanish, but the vermin and anger in her eyes made her park the car on the side of the road.

“It seems that she dated two of my brothers.”

“No.” She spat.

“It seems likely.”

“Lies. Slander!”

“You don’t know that.”

“My sister’s far too smart for your lot.”

Trystan was shocked at her denial “Now that’s a bit—,” Aaaaand she was calling Nerea. She picked up, despite being probably 4 a.m. there “Nere, did I wake you?”

“Kinda. What’s up, Neera?”

“Is it true?” She asked brusquely “That you dated two Thorne princes?”

Her voice was hoarse and confused “Why?”

“You admit it?!”

“Nina, no grites, que son las cinco de la mañana.” She moaned.

“Nina?” Trystan asked.

“Tú callada.” Neera hissed.

“Nina, it was a long time ago. Besides, why do you care? We’re the same age, I can date whoever I want.”

“I just—,”

“I’m going back to bed. And Neera’s friend, perhaps try to calm her down? Sorry about that. Night, Nina.”

She hung up, and Neera grunted. Trystan observed her closely “Would it be so terrible, your sister dating one of my brothers?”

“Yes!” She yelled.

“Why?”

“Because! Because…” She looked at Trystan intensely. The air was thick with tension, and Trystan almost saw longing in Neera’s eyes. They looked at each other’s lip for a nanosecond that flew by too fast “Doesn’t matter. Let’s deal with this cheating dirtbag, hm?”

“Okay…” She was so calling Vasili asking for details later. Neera’s sister seemed like quite the character if she could command the attention of Vasili and Bas.

“Que mi hermana ¿qué?” - My sister what?

Nina, no grites, que son las cinco de la mañana - Nina, don't scream, it's 5 a.m.

Tú callada- You shut up

[arizonaconservativegal]

Oh it seems that deductible you have to pay first before you get coverage from that ACA mess is crazy unless you're rich and have that money to pay out of pocket.

Yeah they wanted to give me a plan with a $10k deductible and charge me $300 a month in premiums. What part of that is supposed to be "affordable?"

[literaticat]

Would you please explain the different ways agents are set up financially with their agencies? For example, do some agents pay a fee to cover the legal services and other forms of support? Do agencies get a percentage of their agents' clients' advances/royalties? Thanks!

There are different ways an agency can be set up:

A) CONTRACTOR, STRAIGHT COMMISH WITH SPLIT: Probably most common (in the US), and how my agency works: The agents are essentially independent contractors who work on commission, and the agent and agency have a pre-established commission split. So let's say you are a new agent at the McDreamy Agency, and you unfortunately have a 50% commission split. You sell a book for 300k. Yay! AMAZING! But the advance is 1/3 on signing, 1/3 on Delivery and Acceptance of the final ms, and 1/3 on Publication.

So, when the contract is signed, out of $100k, the author gets $85,000. The commission is 15% ($15,000) with a 50% split. The money goes to the agency. The agency keeps their split -- $7.5k. They give you, the agent, $7.5k. When, later, the other payments or royalties come in, the commish for those royalties will be split in the same way. Things like overhead for the office, lawyer fees, paying for admin, bookkeepers, the website, whatever, all come out of the Agency part. Anything that is strictly the Agents (like our own computers, health insurance, etc) comes out of our own pocket but is a tax deduction. Some agencies also do pay stipends for travel, personal assistants, etc -- some don't, and the agent is responsible for that stuff.

(Note that 50% was just an example for ease of math - some agencies have much better splits. Like mine, thank God! And at most agencies, you'd start out with a less adventageous split and get more of the % as you have more experience / get promoted. But yes, agencies always get some portion of all the commish in this scenario).

B) CONTRACTOR, DRAW WITH SPLIT: Similar to the above, except that the agents have the option to get a "draw". I can't speak to the finer details of this since I have never personally seen it in action, but my understanding is, essentially, the agent gets paid X amount per month. It's basically an advance on what the agency thinks they SHOULD earn. So they get X amount per month, and whatever commissions they earn after the agency split goes into the pot to pay that back. So let's say their draw is... idk, $5k a month. In January they sell that book I mentioned above, so $7.5 goes into the pot -- $5k goes to them. In February they sell zero books. $5k goes to them, and the pot is now -2.5k. In March, they get a commission for $5k and another for $10k. $5k goes to them, the rest goes into the pot, which is now +$7.5k. ETC. -- This is a good thing for some people, especially when they live in NYC or something and NEED to know they definitely have x-amount of money coming in every month -- Publishing is SO slow and unpredictable, so it can really be feast or famine, and there's just no way to predict how long money will take or how much it will be!

Now -- the draw is based on the average amount that you should be earning, right? So what happens if the end of the year comes and you are way short of that? I have no idea. (AND, what happens if you end up having some major hit, and you are way ABOVE that? Maybe it would roll over, or you'd get a bonus at the end of the year -- but I don't know at what point that would kick in or anything.) Again, any expenses for the agency, overhead, etc, would come out of the Agency part of the split.

C) SALARIED EMPLOYEE: You are an employee of the Agency, and you have a salary. No commish, no split. (This is true of SOME US agencies, but not many -- it is more common in the UK). Again, I don't know the deets here, but basically, you get whatever your salary is, and ALL the income goes straight to the agency, however they also pay for everything, presumably you get insurance, etc etc. And, I'm sure (or at least I'M HOPEFUL) that if you have massive hits, your salary would be raised to be commensurate with how much money you are bringing in AND/OR you'd get big bonuses. I guess if you consistently way underperformed... uh... you'd be invited to leave? Or your salary would go down? But I don't know that!

D) PARTNERSHIP/CO-OP: Once again, I've never seen this IRL so I'm speculating, but I do know that there are a handful of agencies that are basically Co-Ops/Parnerships. There are different ways this might be set up: Perhaps it would be "eat what you kill": The agent partners would get whatever their full commission is for anything they sell, and then they pay in to the agency equally to run it. So let's say there are 4 partners, each with a 25% stake in the company, and the expenses are... idk, $400k a year to pay for the office and all the support staff. Each partner would be responsible for paying in $100k a year. If one agent makes a million dollars, they'd pay $100k a year and bring home $900k. If the next agent makes 200k, they pay $100k a year and bring home $100k. OR, perhaps it is profit-sharing -- all the agents put all their income into the business, and expenses are taken out of that, and each agent gets a share of the profits? Or, some other way, that I don't know, bc I'm not in that kind of agency! Much like a partnership law firm, I'm sure there are many different ways this could be set up.

There might be other models, but these are the ones I have heard of, and I would imagine that any model would be based on one of these basic frameworks!