#and I’m sure plenty of allos were

[sadtiredboy]

Ace people making silly posts about how they didn’t get allos during the peak of ace discourse were not in fact being homophobic (especially not the teenagers). You try feeling alienated from every community and not making some jokes about how it’s actually everyone else who is weird

[archaardvarkarchive]

finally someone who speaks to the point!

I genuinely appreciate that a lot, even though I will still debate it.

Unless catharsis cannot be obtained any other way (it can) this still doesn’t exactly get to the core of whether an author ‘should’ or shouldn’t do it.

For as many of the audience might experience catharsis, another segment may (really, will) be heaped with more pain than their life currently holds.

So the utilitarian calculus here is muddled at best, and perhaps weighted towards the negative at worst.

That’s not to unilaterally condemn any death that ever happens in fiction ever (it’s way more complicated than that, and also not all harm is big enough to merit moral consideration, or much of it …)

Now, we have to examine whether the abstract concept of “Themes” is a moral good in itself. What’s the argument for that?

Inflicting more pain on the audience is in what way a moral good? This isn’t a sarcastic question at all! It’s what has to be justified for this line of argument to work.

The “characters are not real people” angle is a very tricky one- I can try to locate some science papers on comparing brain scans of directing people to think about fictional characters vs. those in their lives

(but I’m not sure I saved the links lol)

Would you disagree or agree that the grief that say, an autistic person may experience from a character they are hyperfixated on, may in fact be quite a bit stronger than real life people who die? Don’t take this question lightly- many people on the aromantic or autistic spectrum quite literally do not form as strong social bonds!!

(speaking from both forum discussions about having atypical reactions to funerals, and personal experience of IRL bonds, tho im not going to get into which of the two traits I am for the scope of this discussion)

That’s the extreme example ofc, I don’t know how NT or allo ppl, or further, people who do not have as vivid imaginations or don’t trauma-bond to characters internally experience this pain.

I can’t be inside another person’s brain.

That’s part of the reason why it’s hard to gauge exactly how much moral weight this should have.

It’s just poor form to make fun of the screenshotted person’s expressing its objectively unnecessary nature (because it is ultimately unnecessary even if it’s justified. That vocabulary switch needs to be noted here, because you use the word “need.” Need refers to things like eating, drinking, maybe even war- if it’s defensive- it does not apply to fiction choices. Period.)

Now, if I can weigh in on my fuzzy memory of Holes… Sam may have been maimed, jaded, chosen not to go through the trouble of pursuing her (people break off dating for any number of lesser reasons than mortal danger! Alloromanticism is not as unstoppable a force as people like to think) harmed in any number of ways that pried him away from her, and the narrative would still have worked. Maybe not even worked “as much.” But so what? What’s the argument that it should (that’s a moral ‘should’ there) work in the way that’s superlative? Also note here, WE THE READERS are not attached to Sam. We barely know him. He doesn’t apply to the argument that the screenshot was trying to point out!!

This example is not what’s being presented!

I engaged it out of courtesy, and bc I don’t mind tangents, as long as they are clearly and fully acknowledged as tangents.

@msexcelfractal

I did not intend to insinuate that authors are ‘careless’ in any way.

In a similar way that people in decades past might not know or weigh what ‘micro-aggressions’ were bc they were more concerned with overt racism, humanity has the ongoing potential to self-reflect more and more. To refine moral considerations to a higher degree than people did previously, even if said previous people were plenty moral within their context and their frame of reference.

im starting to think you guys dont like it when stories make you feel things

[sunfoxfic]

A compilation of me thinking that I'm very funny

all from my DJWifi/Alya-centric longfic Strangely Familiar

—

“Aren’t you the one constantly complaining that Adrien doesn’t understand the price of money and spends too much of it?”

“That’s because he used to do things like buy a whole new phone just because the screen got cracked. If I’m living somewhere, I want it to be nice.”

“You know they sat ‘eat the rich’? You’re doing a pretty poor job at that.”

“Oh, trust me, I eat the rich plenty.”

“Girl.” Alya’s eyes went wide and her mouth gaped, a smile forming in spite of that.

—

“So,” Marinette started as they all began to serve the food, “Alya runs the Ladyblog.”

Nino cocked an eyebrow at her. “Really? That’s awesome.”

“You’re familiar with it?” Alya asked.

“I’ve been on it once or twice.”

—

“Are you a Rena fan?” Alya asked, looking over at Nino. He glanced up.

“Uh, yeah. She’s my all time favorite superhero.”

“Really? I would have guessed you’re more of a Chat Noir fan. Or maybe even Ladybug.”

He shook his head, a slight smile on his lips. “Nope. Rena Rouge all the way. But you’ve probably met her like, a billion times, so my fan-hood is probably nothing compared to yours.”

“Eh, formal interviews are fun, but I sometimes miss the days when I was fueled by raw admiration for superheroes. Besides, I was always more of a Carapace fan.”

Nino cocked an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Really. What’s so surprising? I’ve met all of them like, a million times at this point, like you said. He’s the least insufferable.”

“I take offense to that on behalf of Rena Rouge.”

“Oh, please. She’s the most insufferable.”

...(short time skip)...

She hadn’t noticed it when she came in because it was tucked behind the door, but a big ace flag was draped down, next to a red flag with a green star.

“Huh. Are you...”

He looked up before she could finish. “Ace? Yeah. Not something I mention a lot, but yeah. Honestly I’m surprised Adrien hasn’t made a pun about it to you. Unless you were talking about the Moroccan flag, but you already know that I’m Moroccan.”

She nodded. “Good to know. Now I can make you uncomfortable by being aggressively allo in your face. This’ll be fun.”

“Oh, I was desensitized to that a long time ago. You’re not the first person to be aggressively allo.”

“Oh? I’d like to meet this mystery desensitizer.”

“You’d find her insufferable, trust me.”

—

“Hey, don’t buy into that superstitious bullshit. Not all black cats are satanic.”

“One, don’t believe in Satan. Two, doesn’t matter what that cat looks like. He could be white with blue eyes and I still wouldn’t trust him.”

Alya joined them in the main room, still holding the cat, while Marinette walked forward down the hallway to the bedrooms (most likely her bedroom). As she went, she said, “We are not getting a white cat with blue eyes anytime soon, don’t you worry.”

—

Nino caught Alya’s eye. “She’s got a point. Marinette’s like one-sixty centimeters with the demeanor of a hamster.”

“Clearly you two have never seen her get amped up about conservative politicians. She’s said things even I think are excessive. Me. I once wrote an exposé in lycée about André Bourgeois by goading Chloé into revealing the dirty deals he’s made.”

“What?!” Nino exclaimed.

“Eh, she’d never act on it,” Nora said nonchalantly.

“I wouldn’t be so sure.”

“I’m sorry, can we go back to the exposé thing? Alya, what the fuck was up with you in high school? Is that legal?”

—

“Pizza?” Nino asked. The three of them grunted their affirmations, and he grabbed his phone and stood up to pace. Though he never asked, he said to the phone, “Can I get one large pizza with chicken, onions, and green peppers, and one small pizza plain?”

“Why are we getting a small plain pizza?” Alya asked.

“For me...” Adrien sighed, looking down in mock shame.

“Aren’t you lactose intolerant?”

“If I tell you the truth, you’ll think you’re winning, but you lose either way,” Adrien said with a shit-eating grin. Alya’s face crumpled up in disgust.

—

“So have you made any progress on your project for that one class? With what was her name, Professor Dickwad?”

“Yeah, you pretty much got it. And no. I mean, the easy answer would be to say that they’ve gone from super-defenders to friendly neighborhood furries who just so happen to be superheroes, but I don’t know how I can spend ten pages and a fifteen minute presentation proving that.”

“You really think they’re furries?” Nino asked, glancing over at her.

“You can’t prove they aren’t.”

—

The first person to show up was Max, followed in tow by Kim. As the perfect guest, he had brought a pineapple as a gift.

“Good to see you!” Alya said as she answered the door.

“You as well,” he responded, handing over the fruit. “Pineapples are a symbol of hospitality, and as such, are the perfect gift for a housewarming party.”

...(short time skip)...

“I brought this for you,” Kagami said, holding out a pineapple for Adrien to take.

“Thank you,” he responded, bowing his head slightly.

“I barely know you,” Alya interjected, “but there is someone you simply must meet.”

—

“Are you okay?” Alya asked. “Did you find something to eat?”

“I’m good,” Trixx answered. “I was just... tired. But I’m fine.”

“Thank God,” she whispered, laying down next to him. “I was really worried for you. I don’t know how I’d manage if you weren’t okay.”

“I am God,” Trixx said. “A god, anyway.”

“Lowercase god,” she said. “And you’re beholden to me, so who’s really got the power?”

The fox let out a very dramatic sigh. “You can never let me win, can you?”

[acespec-ed]

Not sure whether I should identify as ace anymore. I'm just soo complicated. I feel bad about it because I don't want to misrepresent whatever I identify as.

I can appreciate aesthetics and, like many people I'm sure, prefer "beautiful" over "not beautiful" (I don't mean to sound shallow but that's the truth). However, I don't experience the desire to have sex with someone just because they have a beautiful body.

I do, however, experience some measure of attraction to voices. I'm not sure if this is sexual so much as sensual, as a voice that I find 'attractive' can relax me, keep me focused on that person or put me to sleep just as well as arouse me. I think the content of the speech has a large impact on whether the voice arouses me or not. (example: the 'Dream' part of the s*ndman audio collection made me relaxed while the 'Desire' part made me aroused. Both gave me those good brain chemicals.)

I find porn 'icky' and unenjoyable but enjoy erotica or erotic audio.

The instances where I were sure I was experiencing sexual attraction were always more to do with actions than static body parts. Not sure what that's about.

I'm very kinky. Vanilla sex just seems unhygienic and awkward, while kinky stuff - even and especially not actual sex - appeals to me a lot.

I'm not sure how to feel about myself. I feel like I'm faking but, at the same time, I know I don't have a 'normal' relationship with sex.

If I indulge my complicated sexuality, do you think the people who accepted me before would think I was like.... Faking to get out of having a 'normal' sex life or whatever?

Reading this, I couldn't help but notice how ace you sound. Like, maybe not a never-experiences-sexual-attraction-ever asexual, but you definitely sound like you're somewhere on the ace spectrum. I'll address each of your points.

I agree that many people would prefer beautiful over not beautiful. I wouldn't call anyone shallow for it. However, I feel like a lot of allosexuals would be down to have sex with someone they find sexually attractive. But- I also feel like there's an equal amount of allos who wouldn't have sex with someone just because they're sexy or whatever. So it's hard to argue either way on whether this makes you ace or not.

2. It's possible you're vocasexual. It's when you're only sexually attracted to voices. Whether you want to use this label or not is up to you, but it's what came to my mind when I read this point.

3. This has nothing to do with whether or not you're asexual. Plenty of aces (even ones who've never felt sexual attraction) enjoy erotica. Some, like yourself, enjoy erotica while being repulsed by porn. And some even enjoy both!

4. I’m not sure either. The times I've experienced it seemed to be a mix of both. But I think even some allos feel one way or another about if it’s body parts or actions they’re attracted to. But it's possible there's an acespec label for your specific experience. I don't know what, but I wouldn't be surprised if there is.

5. This screams "asexual" to me. I've seen so many aces talk about being into kink. And it's not always in a sexual way either. Sounds similar to what you're saying. A lot of aces would also share your feelings on sex. Speaking from personal experience, it’s easy to overlook such things when you’re sexually attracted to the person. If your feelings on sex aren’t changing even when you’re sexually attracted to the person, it’s possible you haven’t actually been experiencing sexual attraction. At the very least, you’re not experiencing it the “right” way.

I can't say what people would think. You'd know them better than I do. But if they're accepting of asexuality, then it's likely they won't think you're making up excuses. If they're open to the idea of asexuality being a spectrum, then they shouldn't have any problems at all. Personally, I wouldn’t share these specifics unless I knew the person was accepting of asexuality being a spectrum. Just being acceptable of asexuals isn’t enough- there’s still people out there who are fine with “pure” asexuals but intolerant of the rest of the spectrum.

You are absolutely, positively not faking it. And experiencing sexual attraction differently from what society expects puts you on the ace spectrum by default. Whether you want to continue identifying as ace is up to you. You are definitely more than welcome to use the label. But if for some reason, you decide you don't want to use the label, that's fine too. 💜

[random2908]

My two sisters and I are probably never going to marry, probably never going to have kids. Pretty sure my little sister is just all the way aroace. Middle sister and I are somewhere on the gray scale where we don’t identify as ace or aro, but sex and finding a romantic relationship are like down around like #10 on our life priority list. For most allo people it seems like one or both of those is typically in their top 3, and for plenty of people it’s #1.

People talk about Millennials not have kids, generational deviance due to despair, whatever. And it’s like... wow, I don’t think of myself as having or leaning on role models much, but my sisters and I are so lucky this was role-modeled so much for us as kids.

Like. Two of our mother’s siblings never married. They’re both in long-term relationships, but no marriage, no kids, and they’re in their 80s now. Two of our grandparents’ cousins--the two they were closest to--weren’t even in long-term relationships (and were still alive and participating in family stuff in our childhood memories). My grandmother had an aunt who never had romantic relationships--also still alive when I was very young, she lived past 100--and my grandfather had THREE uncles who so far as I know were never in serious relationships, although none of them lived past 40 so even my mom never met them. There were an additional two great-uncles of my grandfather, great-great uncles of my grandmother (my grandparents were distant-ish cousins) whose father died before they were old enough to have an arranged marriage and they decided that gave them the liberty to never be in relationships--one of them lived to be pretty old, like into his 70s, old enough that my grandparents knew him. That’s not getting into the occasional lesbian cousin across the generations (presumably there were gay male cousins and uncles too, but they weren’t out back in the day).

That’s my mom’s side. About half my relatives on my mom’s side never had kids. About half of those were never in serious romantic relationships. It’s common in my family.

On my dad’s side it was rarer, because arranged marriage lasted into my grandparents’ generation and was still universal in my great-grandparents’ generation. But my dad’s favorite great-aunt had been married off to an American in her early 20s, and he died just a few years later (possibly as a US soldier in WWII? I’m not really sure). But not before she got American citizenship, and then she was like, she was an American citizen--what did she even need marriage for anymore? She lived long enough that I remember her, vaguely. Only one of her siblings--only one person in my great-grandparents’ generation--had anything resembling a love match, which is to say one of my dad’s great-aunts married a doctor who was stuck in the same relocation camp as her because it seemed like a pragmatic choice, but she didn’t have parents or a matchmaker to pick him out for her so she did it herself.

That was my dad’s idea of what a love match looked like: he married literally the only Jewish woman in his doctoral program, because he needed to marry and have kids, and that was the option on the table, and at least they laughed at some of the same jokes and really that’s good enough.

My sisters and I were poisoned by American movies, according to my dad. We thought “falling in love” was a thing, and it’s mostly not, he said, and we needed to get over it. Grow up--find someone you can get along with emotionally and financially (because most divorces are over money), someone who will laugh at some of the same jokes and someone you can survive a road trip with without hating them; get married; start procreating. My sisters and I said no, mostly quietly, occasionally out loud in my case because I’d rather have a fight most of the time. Whether or not we believe falling in love is a thing, we weren’t doing that.

But it’s ok. Because on my mother’s side, the American side, the side where arranged marriages ended in the 1880s, this is normal. It’s normal in a big family for only one or two siblings to marry--and our baby brother is married and planning to have kids, it’s not like it’s none of us. It’s not about being a Millennial with Millennial values at all. It’s that the wider message of our family said it was ok to do this, this was a choice available to us. So we took that choice.

[asexualone]

CW: mention of smex and other stuff

Signs I should have known I was ace: Marriage and seggs

Yes, this is a continuation of my previous post.

S*x is a very wide topic to cover, so I'll have to break it down into categories. Thus the title. So let's just jump right into it.

I was brought up by very fanatical, bigoted parents who are in a loveless (and respect-less) relationship. Naturally, smex was not a thing we ever discussed. As far as they were concerned, I wasn't supposed to be thinking about it either.

And true to their belief, I didn't think about it. I didn't even know what it was until the age of 14.

So, imagine my surprise when internet was first introduced to my country and I stumbled upon stories of how, apparently, walking in on your parents having s*x wasn't a rare, unusual occurrence.

Huh??? All those stories I read... They couldn't be real, right? No way.

It's just that, it's clear that my parents stopped doing the nasty after they had my sister. I'll clarify, they don't only not love each other. They despise each other. But divorce is not an option apparently. Where I live, you get the cold shoulder and the stink eye if you're divorced.

Since we're at the "parents having seggs" topic, I'll just add that I can't picture other people going at it. No, it's not the "my brain can't handle it, gross" thing. I genuinely cannot visualize two people I know that way. And I've watched p*rn and read comics before. But when smex is represented in media, it doesn't seem as real to me. So yes, I constantly forget seggs is a real thing that happens.

And another thing I refused to believe when I learned about it, was that s*x is considered a primal urge like hunger, thirst or sleep. Yeah right, and I'm the Queen.

....it was true. To most people, smex is an urge. No offense to allos, but wtf??? What are we, animals? Well technically yes, we're part of the animal kingdom. But you know what I mean! The word "urge" is so primal, so savage. Surely people evolved to be above that.

They did, but not in the way I thought. That's why the "walk in on people having seggs" happens. Parents who apparently can't keep it in their pants until their kids fall asleep, and are "too lost"?? in the heat of the moment to lock the door?? Am I tripping or does that just sound unreal??

To make a connection of seggs with marriage: The concept of "saving yourself".

On one hand, is the "oh it can be so hard to preserve your virginity for when you're married"

Umm... No, it's not. Just... Just don't have s*x. It's that easy. If you want to have romantic partners in the meantime, okay. Perfect. Just don't have seggs with them. It's not difficult. (To some people, apparently it is and I'm sorry, but I don't get you one bit)

On the other hand, I understand when someone is reluctant of losing their virginity to a fling or whatever. You want it to be with someone special? Excellent, I support you. But "saving yourself" for the first night of your marriage seems excessive and outdated. Why would you want to wait until then?? You only get better at something the more you do it, right? So, think of it as practice. And instead of having clumsy and painful intercourse that "first night", you can have a spectacular one.

THAT IS NOT TO SAY that the concept of a "first night, smex as newlyweds" doesn't baffle me.

I'm sorry, have you ever attended a wedding?? Do you know how tired everyone is after one?? The couple especially? I refuse to believe that IF the bride so much as found the strength to remove the gigantic wedding gown and wipe her makeup off, she would do anything but pass out immediately afterward. I refuse to believe that.

(If they are two men, then I can believe it. Fewer things to remove, better seggs, that's just a fact)

Does a couple really have the strength to have full-blown intercourse after a long day of wedding activities? Then it must have been a lame wedding. (jk)

To recap, any type of smex in a relationship (a marriage especially) that is done besides attempting to have a baby, it's something I can't comprehend. That's how you show love and bond further with your partner? There are plenty other ways to do that, though. It's a way to relieve stress or whatever? Again, there are plenty other ways to do that.

(P.S Sex-positive and averse people, please don't be offended. You know the drill, I don't try to generalize. Just explaining my journey and opinions.)

[verfound]

WIP Wednesday: 11/10/21

Did y'all hear about Paul Rudd being the Sexiest Man Alive this year? His reaction - and his wife's reaction - seemed like a fun plunny, that I set loose on the LBSCers for someone else to write.

...dammit, me.

Terri Sinclair liked to think of herself as a respectable journalist. Sure, she wrote for People magazine, not the New York Times, but she took her job seriously. She may be writing for housewives on their last straw instead of savvy business sorts (or, dare she say, intellectuals), but she was still writing. You may not get to meet the Pope writing for People (the closest she had come was a good six people back from the parade route during his last world tour), but you still met plenty of celebrities, and some of them had very interesting things to say about their humanitarian causes or pet projects. It wasn’t all tabloid gossip and recipes and Oprah’s Top Ten and which juice cleanse the Kardashians were endorsing this week.

Really, there were worse jobs. She could be writing for TMZ.

So when her boss called her in and announced that she’d be interviewing one Luke Stone for the cover of their Sexiest Man Alive issue, she’d actually been a little excited. She’d been a fan of Luke’s music for years now, and she’d heard that he’d recently gotten involved in a farm or something with sick animals or some crazy midlife crisis a celebrity like him (who had started young) was due for. There was the promise of an interesting story here, if she played her cards right. She might even get a scoop on the next album. At the least, People would have a very attractive – very sexy – man on their cover.

She eagerly accepted the assignment and set to work. A quick phone call to one Penny Rolling, co-founder of Rolling Stone Records and Luke Stone’s manager, found her with his contact information.

“From People?” Penny had asked, sounding surprised. “The American People?”

“Yes,” Terri said, nodding even though Penny couldn’t see her. “He’s actually been named our Sexiest Man Alive. We were hoping to break the news and get an interview.”

There was silence on the other end. Terri initially attributed it to a bad international connection. Then there was a snort. Followed by a snigger.

“…you know what, one second,” Penny said once she had regained her composure. “I’ll get you his private number.”

Which is what found her, a few minutes later, tapping her pen against her desk as she listened to the phone ring. And ring. And ring.

And go to voicemail.

It was a plain voicemail, one that was automated except for the recording of the owner saying “Luka Couffaine” and had her wondering if Ms. Rolling had given her the right number after all. She pursed her lips as she ended the call without leaving a message, double-checked the number, and tried again.

This time, a man answered on the fourth ring.

“Allo?” he asked in a grunting, disgruntled voice. Terri’s brow furrowed.

She had seen Luke Stone live quite a few times. She owned every album he had released, including the live one, and listened to them often. She had seen multiple interviews with the man. On one exciting occasion, she had been present at a charity event Jagged Stone had thrown and had even gotten to exchange a few words with the rock star. The man on the other end of the line…while French, did not sound like Luke Stone.

“Yes, hello,” Terri said, quickly realizing she had paused maybe a moment too long. “Is this…sorry. Is this Luke Stone?”

“…how did you get this…shit! Sorry, buddy,” the man started in English, his voice turning softer and a patting sounding from the other end as he switched back to French. When he next spoke, he sounded gruff again. But – as Terri only had a rudimentary grasp on the French language from high school and two semesters in college – thankfully back in English. “How did you get this number?”

“I’m sorry?” Terri asked, desperately attempting to regain her bearings. This was not going how she’d imagined it would – it wasn’t going like any of her interviews ever went.

“No one looking for Luke Stone has this number,” the man said. Her frown deepened.

“Is this Luke Stone, then?” she asked.

“Yes, and I’m in the middle of…how can I help you?” he asked with a weary sigh. He murmured something else in French, and Terri thought she heard a whinnying on the other end.

“I’m so sorry, sir!” she said, realizing too late that she was being very unprofessional. “Terri Sinclair, People magazine! I got your number from Penny Rolling, your manager? Are you familiar with our Sexiest Man Alive issue?”

“…I’m sorry?” he asked, still sounding annoyed but also confused. Terri tapped her pen faster.

“The Sexiest Man Alive. Every year, we choose a male celebrity we consider to be…well, the sexiest man alive,” she said. There was silence on the other end – except for the whinnying. “You know. Your dad – Jagged? – he won it a few years back? We do a big photoshoot and interview and –”

“I’m aware,” he said, voice clipped again. He still sounded annoyed, but it was more…exasperated. There was another grunt, followed by a muffled shouting in French. “I really don’t have time for this right now.”

“I…sorry?” she asked.

“Did Dingo put you up to this?” he asked. His next question was in French, and was simple enough that she was pretty sure she understood. “…wait. Ding, is that you?”

“I’m afraid I don’t know a ‘Dingo’, Mr. Stone,” she said. “We honestly do want you to be our Sexiest Man Alive. It’s not –”

“Very funny, assho – easy, Charlie! It’s almost over! Look, Mlle. Sinclair, I’m elbow-deep in a horse’s ass right now. I reallydon’t have time for you to take the piss, Ding,” Luke Stone said, and Terri’s eyes popped wide open at that. Elbow-deep in…? “So ha ha, very funny, thanks for the honor – but I’m busy.”

The call ended with a deafening click. Terri sat in her office chair, mystified.

What the hell had just happened?

[daggersandarrows]

i think almost every single issue i have with the cr fandom can be summed up with the responses that i got when i said “molly is yasha’s soulmate”.

“ummm eww, she’s a lesbian?”

there’s so many problems with this one i’ll just take it from the top.

yasha was not confirmed a lesbian (by someone else, btw) until we were in the triple digits. this fandom hates the possibility of bi women so bad it’s embarrassing. y’all know how often i see people call keyleth and vex het? and allura a lesbian?

yes, AND? how does her being a lesbian invalidate her having a soulmate who isn’t a woman. how. i’ll wait. as far as i know “lesbian” means “is attracted solely to women/women adjacent people”. why do soulmates have to have anything to do w attraction.

“gross, yasha is not attracted to a man”

sigh.

first off, see the first point, soulmate does not necessitate attraction.

second off, even if it did, mollymauk is not and never was a man--or at least not solely. and he’s not a cis man, goddammit, which is what the more insidious version of this argument looks like--”yasha isn’t attracted to a cishet man”. also he’s BI.

this wasn’t a late reveal or anything either. in EPISODE GODDAMN TWO we have confirmation of nonbinary molly.

molly ids as genderfluid. now idk how yasha thinks of her own sexuality, but if she wanted to include him in hers then...that’s...okay. it is. stop arguing. there are *plenty* of lesbians dating genderfluid people out there.

“you mean PLATONIC soulmate right haha”

i mean, i could mean that. i could. i could also mean other things this doesn’t have to mean platonic or i’m a terrible person.

this is where i’m sure im gonna lose some people: in addition to the above points about genderfluid molly, let’s just consider for a moment that i did not in fact mean platonic soulmate. or romantic actually.

let’s think about what it means if i meant sexual soulmate.

“thane what does that even mean what are you talking about”

i don’t know! soulmate has extremely variable definitions some of which are highly amatonormative but for right now let’s just say someone whose sex life meshes with yours so well that it feels like you were made to have sex with them.

this fandom has a huge and i mean HUGE problem with thinking that sex = romance and that sex MUST under ALL circumstances = sexual attraction. also the understand of consent is so poor here my god

i don’t have the time energy or brain to get into ace shit here and trust me i’ve been treated horribly by both allos and aces alike for how my identity presents itself but i will just say this

i have never been sexually attracted to anyone i’ve had sex with.

i have never been ROMANTICALLY attracted to anyone i’ve had sex with.

i like having sex.

i also know kind of a LOT of people who have sex with people who are “outside” of their identity. this isn’t an uncommon thing, very online tumblr gays.

for some reason people HATE that here. but my point is: if yasha and molly were fucking it doesn’t change anyone’s identity and it didn’t have to involve any attraction at all, and if you don’t want to see that that’s absolutely valid but it does NOT give you the right to read every thoroughly tagged fic and leave nasty hate comments or worse for the author because of it. (i’m looking at you, allos who decided to run ace fjorclay shippers off the internet.)

and last but not least, the fact that so many people violently object to this statement that i made--angry, indignant, accusing me of hatespeech, etc, when it’s word for word something that ashley said, right next to where she was comparing molly to, y’know, yasha’s literal wife. so. i can’t imagine how mad certain people would get if i made that comparison myself.

which brings me to my final point: i’m not sure that some of y’all are actually watching the same show as i am and it is very annoying for the rest of us.

[seachanqe]

you dont have to answer if you dont want bc its not your job im just trying to understand and not mess up - is the answer that non-ace fans stop writing jon/canon ace characters in sexual situations or to be more considerate with it? or is it a question of appropriateness - maybe don't write pwp, but if its part of a larger work as long as its handled respectfully its alright? and on a similar vein, should non-ace readers be consuming nsfw content of ace characters?

Well, I might as well write a majority of my recommendations here.

In my opinion, allos are welcome to write jon/canon ace characters in sexual situations. However, this is most appropriately done if they have someone who identifies as asexual do a read-through of the fic before they post. That way they can point out any issues that there might be with how the author handled Jon’s asexuality or point out nuances that an allo person might not pick-up on. So basically, get an asexual beta! There are plenty of aces who would be happy to read through your fic to give you feedback, if you reach out and ask!

It also doesn’t hurt to tag the fic with what flavor of ace Jon is, whether it be sex-repulsed, sex-neutral (yes sex-neutral aces may have sex) or sex-positive, or something in between. For example, I have a good friend who tagged her fic: “Ace subtype: mostly no but sometimes yes”. 

As long as allos are usually running their fic by an ace beta and tagging appropriately, they are more than welcome to write pwp or longfic, or whatever their heart desires!

Should non-ace readers be consuming nsfw content of ace characters? Ace people are still people! You are welcome to consume nsfw content of ace characters! In fact, I welcome and encourage it (obviously, only if it’s your thing) because there’s so many amazing fics out there that handle nsfw situations with Jon well, and would serve as a fantastic learning opportunity so you can see the many perspectives of how we view sex. You can see how asexuals write Jon denying sex, grossed out by sex, experimenting with sex, trying sex out and disliking it, or enjoying it enthusiastically. I think it’s amazing for allos to see how we see ourselves through Jon, and get familiar with a different viewpoint!

As you can see, I do not subscribe to the viewpoint that “because Jon is heavily implied to be sex-repulsed in canon, this means it’s inappropriate to write him in sexual situations.” There are so few asexual characters out there right now, and we (those who ID as ace) flocked to TMA because of Jon. Jon is a character that is so important to a lot of aces (me included) because he’s is one of the few ace characters we have to project upon and are able to write about how we feel about our asexuality through him, no matter where we fall along the asexual spectrum. [Insert “It’s free real estate” meme]

And, of course, this is not to say that sex-repulsed Jon isn’t great too! In fact, I primarily write sex-repulsed (or could be read as neutral) Jon because that’s what I’m most comfortable with. Allos who are interested in exploring this aspect of Jon’s character should feel welcome writing about it or including it in their fics, and of course, get an ace to read over it to make sure it’s not written disrespectfully!  (i.e., not wanting to have sex DOES NOT equal asexuality, asexuals feel a lack of sexual attraction and the sex-repulsed subtype also feels repulsed by the idea of sex). 

(Mini fandom history time: Over a year ago, a majority of the nsfw fics involving Jon were actually almost all written by aces, because we were SO excited to have an ace character who we could play around with! As the fandom has grown, this has obviously shifted a bit, but still. I have my favorite fic writers who write excellent nsfw Jon fics who are ace or have ace betas!)

(Edit: I used the word beta above because the phase sensitivity reader eluded me, but either one works, based on what the person is comfortable with! Just someone to read through the fic to pick up if there are any glaring problems with how Jon's asexuality was handled.)

[mischiefandspirits]

Doppelgänger (19/19)

Previously on Doppelgänger ~ Masterlist ~ Next time on Doppelgänger

Danny, Sam, and Tucker were just 14 when they took a look inside the portal Danny’s parents had built. From there, everything changed. They woke up with white hair, green skin, and powers they could learn to control. They were hybrids, halfas.

They were the hero Doppelgänger.

{Identity Crisis, Part 2}

Danny melted onto Valerie’s hoverboard with a sigh as she kissed him. She was kneeling between his legs with one of her arms braced next to his head to hold her weight off him while the hand of the other snuck under his shirt to stroke his side. His own hands were occupied with holding her close and running through her long curly hair.

They were hovering high above Amity, partially hidden within some low clouds. They’d been admiring the view and taking in the afternoon sun when they’d gotten a bit distracted.

Valerie chuckled into the kiss and pulled back. She gave his limp form a pleased look then ducked down to pepper his neck with kisses.

Of course, that was when his ghost sense went off.

I’m going to kill whoever it is, Danny thought as Valerie’s scanner started ringing and she pulled away.

“There’s a ghost right beneath us,” Valerie growled, glaring at the scanner before giving Danny an apologetic look.

“Well, I guess that’s what we get for mixing dates with patrol,” he chuckled with a shrug.

She glanced down. “It should be fine to leave it to Doppelgänger.”

He sat up to look down as well, his hair hiding the red shine in his eyes. He spotted a glowing laptop flying down a road.

Ugh, who let Technus out? He reached out for his partners, but neither responded. He looked around to be sure neither of them was in sight and said, “They don’t seem to be here. Should probably make sure the ghost doesn’t cause trouble before they can get here.”

“Yeah.” She pulled up her mask and he braced himself as she brought them down. “Sorry about this.”

“It’s fine, Val. Really.” Jazz is definitely going to kick his butt if she found out about this, though.

Valerie dropped him off in an alley before shooting off after the laptop.

Who let Technus out? Danny asked again as he transformed and flew after her.

Tech-Oh shoot! Tucker hissed. He’s why my laptop was running slow! He must have been stuck in my cache. My bad!

Well, that explains why he’s flying around inside a laptop.

Want some help? Sam asked.

Valerie’s already on the scene, Danny pointed out.

Right, I forgot you guys were on a date.

DON’T LET HER DESTROY MY LAPTOP! Tucker shouted.

Danny turned a corner to see Valerie trying to blast the laptop. We’ll try.

He tried to sneak around the fight so he could try to knock Technus out, but was distracted when Valerie got wrapped in the laptop’s cord.

“Red!” he shouted, shooting towards her to pull her free. He looked her over for injuries. “Are you okay?”

“Fine,” she huffed and shoved herself out of his grip as her board swung around to catch her.

“Well now, this is interesting.”

The two turned back to Technus just as the laptop stopped glowing and fell. Danny darted over to grab it before it could hit the ground, then looked around for the ghost.

“My scanner is only picking up you,” Valerie said and Danny checked the computer.

Wireless transfer complete.

“Ugh, he sent himself somewhere else,” Danny groaned.

“Well, you’re the one with technokinesis. I’ll leave you to it.”

“What?” He looked up to see Valerie turning away. “You’re leaving? Just like that?”

“I’ve got a date.”

“Well crud,” Danny muttered. He shoved the laptop into the fold and dove into the ground, flying as fast as he could back to the alley Valerie had left him in. Good news and bad news. Good news, our laptop’s fine and Val’s leaving. Bad news, we lost Technus and Val’s leaving him to us because we’ve got tech powers and she wants to continue our date.

The irony, Sam sighed.

I can’t leave right now. Kiran and I are right in the middle of a debate on which generation of Pokémon is the best, Tucker said.

Kiran? Danny asked, popping up in the alley and transforming back just before Valerie could come around the corner.

This really really cute freshman in the computer club. They’re a gamer who’s building their own PC, they’ve got the hottest smile, and I refuse to let Technus blow this for me!

An unimpressed feeling came from Sam. I’ll take care of Technus. Clearly, your love lives are more important.

“You okay?” Danny asked Valerie. Sorry, Sam. I can tell Val I need to go.

“Yeah, it’s a tech ghost so Doppelgänger’s taking care of it.”

No, it’s fine, Sam said. You’ve ducked out of dates for us plenty of times. You deserve some alone time. It wasn’t really you I was mad at.

“If you’re sure. What do you want to do now?” Danny asked, stepping up onto Val’s board.

I think my love life deserves more consideration than his, Tucker huffed. Since, you know, I DON’T HAVE ONE!

Valerie grabbed his waist and tugged him against her. “How about we find some privacy? We can head to my house since my dad’s working until midnight. We can cuddle and watch tv. I think there’s supposed to be an animated Batman marathon on.”

Danny tuned out his partners as he nodded. He shifted behind her and braced himself as she took off towards Elmerton. She flew up to her window and opened it, letting Danny climb through before slipping carefully in. She recalled her board and pulled down her mask.

The boy didn’t have a chance to react before she was scoping him up and setting him on her dresser so she could kiss him. Her hands slipped under his shirt and he tried to bring his own up, only to knock something off her dresser.

She snorted into the kiss and he mumbled, “Sorry,” as he wrapped his arms around her neck.

“Valerie?”

The two froze.

The door opened and Damon Gray poked his head inside. “I didn’t realize you were -”

Valerie jumped away from Danny while he squeaked and worked very hard not to turn invisible.

No matter how much he wanted to.

Valerie’s father looked at Valerie, then Danny, then Valerie’s suit.

“H-hey, Daddy. I thought you were supposed to be at work,” Valerie said nervously.

“I had a break so I came to grab something I’d forgotten. Fortunately.” He gave her a sharp look. “Get changed. We’re going to have a talk before I head back. Mr. Fenton, out.”

“Yessir.” Danny gave her a quick apologetic look before following Mr. Gray into the living area.

He froze when the man grabbed his shoulder. “I like you, Fenton. You’re a smart kid and you’ve got a good heart. However, if I ever catch you in my daughter’s room without my permission again, you will be reminded in a far more painful way than I’m doing now that I carry a loaded weapon for my job and I am trained to use it. Understand?”

“Yessir. Sorry, sir. I swear, we weren’t doing anything like, you know, that. We were just -”

“Out.”

“Yep, right, leaving!” Danny ran for the front door.

“And Danny,” Mr. Gray called before he could close it behind him. “I suggest you go straight home. I’ll be calling your parents as soon as I talk to Valerie.”

Danny flinched and nodded. “Right.”

As soon as he made it to the alley next to Valerie’s apartment building, he slumped against the wall and screamed into his hands. Then he transformed and headed home as slow as he could.

“We’re dead. We’re so dead. We’re going to spend the next decade in the Fenton Stockades,” he groaned. “We’re so dead! We’ll never see the light of day! Hold still you stupid bucket of bolts! Goodbye cruel world! Wait, why are we transformed? Val’s father walked in on us making out. Sucks to suck. Can we get a hand?” He checked his watch and shrugged, turning towards where Sam was fighting Technus at the boardwalk. “Sure, we’re dead as soon as we get home and Mom and Dad won’t be expecting us back for another half hour since they think we’d have to take the bus. Great, because he’s getting on our nerves.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’m grounded for two weeks, Danny said. And I had to sit through mom giving me The Talk again.

Sounds like it sucks to be allo. Can’t relate, Sam said, setting aside the book she’d been reading and grabbing another.

And Jazz came in looking all stern to say that when she told us to spend the weekend having fun, she hadn’t meant that much fun.

Sam snorted.

We didn’t even do anything!

She looked over the passage on Chronos she’d found, but it didn’t have any new information.

Val texted to say her dad’s taking her phone. She’s grounded for a month and her dad’s taking her suit and all her gear.

Sam tossed the book aside. Wait, her dad found out?

We’d just gotten to her house so she was in her suit when he walked in.

She was in the suit when you guys were making out? Tucker interjected out of nowhere. Wait, is the suit kink a Fenton thing? Is that why -

Finish that thought and I’ll toss your laptop into the ghost zone, Danny hissed. Crud, Jazz just came in. She’s making me study with her to make sure I’m not talking to you guys. Talk later.

Bye Danny.

See you, Sam said and stood up. She grabbed the books she’d gathered and went to put them back on the shelves. So you’re done hanging out with Kiran then?

Camp’s over for the day, but we’re going to hang out again tomorrow, Tucker said. What are you up to?

Checking out the paranormal section at Skulk and Lurk. I was hoping they’d have some information on our clock ghost.

Aren’t we supposed to be avoiding ghosts?

Jazz isn’t the boss of me.

True. Want some help?

Are you dressed like your usual self?

Yes?

Pass.

Rude.

I love you, but I will not get kicked out of my favorite bookshop because you’ve decided your aesthetic is traffic light.

Aw, I love you too! Tucker cooed.

Tuning you out now.

Okay, bye, Sammy! Love you!

Sam made a gagging sound in her head as she started looking for new books to check. “Aren’t there any books in here about real ghosts?”

“Try the historical fantasy section.”

She looked over to see Ravage reading the description of a book. “What?”

“The historical fantasy section,” he said, gesturing half-heartedly to the side. “Found a book over there the other day that was about a ghost king. Sounded just like the real dude. The author seemed to understand death and ghosts better than most. Bit too cheerful, but it was an interesting read if you can push past it.”

“Do you remember the author?” Sam asked.

“Worth, or something. The book was King’s Coffin if that helps.”

“Thanks.”

“Whatever. You coming to poetry night?”

“If I can get away from my parents.”

“Good luck.”

“Whatever.”

She went over to the section and found the book Ravage had mentioned alongside a few others written by Regsit Worth: Acropolis of Elysium, Nocturnus, Dark Winds, and Carnivorous Garden.

She pulled King’s Coffin off and glanced over the description before flipping through the book. She skimmed through it and her eyes widened at the ghost’s description and the description of his downfall. She checked the Also By section and smirked when she saw a book titled Shadows of Time. She put Pariah's book back then grabbed the garden book and headed to the counter.

“Would you be able to order a book by this author?” she asked as the cashier rang her up.

The man shrugged and switched to a different register. He asked for the title and typed it in when she answered. “Another print isn’t due for a year or so, but our sister store in San Francisco has a few copies. I can have them send one over, but you’d have to pay shipping upfront.”

“That’s fine.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You know, I think Jazz was onto something about having some weekends to ourselves,” Tucker said when they met up Monday morning. “I had fun at the camp and made great headway with Kiran. Trust me, we’ll be dating by Christmas.”

“Sure you will,” Sam teased. “I’ll admit, though, it wasn’t awful. I got this new book on a wicked plant monster ghost that could actually exist and I might have gotten a lead on our clock ghost. I won’t know until Thursday.”

“Glad you two had fun,” Danny pouted, his forehead pressed against his locker. “Val’s dad threatened to shoot me.”

“If it makes you feel any better, you can just phase through the bullet,” Tucker said, patting his back.

“He has ghost weapons now.”

“You right.”

“You could try not sneaking into girls’ bedrooms,” Sam suggested and Danny flushed.

“Don’t say it like that!”

“Hey, Danny.”

The trio turned to see Valerie walking up.

“Hey, Val. Sorry about Saturday.”

“Not your fault,” she sighed and hugged him. “We both didn’t think that through.”

“You didn’t get into too much trouble, right?”

“Just grounded like I said. I’m mostly just mad about my gear. Dad’s taking the suit into the lab and he’s going to give all the rest to your parents. I told him I didn’t get most of it from you, but I don’t know if he believed me.”

“Better them then Vlad,” Danny said with a shrug. “I don’t think I’m going to be able to get any of it back for you, though. They’ll probably be keeping better track of their gear after your dad talks to them.”

Which means it’s going to be hard to replace their thermoses if one gets damaged, great.

“That’s alright. My dad will be keeping an eye out now anyways.” She pulled back. “I should get going before I’m late.”

“Alright, see you at lunch.”

{The Fenton Menace}

Danny sighed as he scrubbed the lab’s counter. “Can’t I do this later?”

“It’s not as if you have anything else to do,” his mom said pointedly.

Maybe so, he thought, eyeing the gun his parents were working on. But I’d rather not get vaporized when that thing accidentally goes off.

When, not if. Danny knew his parents too well for that.

He went back to his scrubbing and his mom focused back on the gun.

A few moments later, Danny’s breath fogged in front of him and his eyes darted to the portal as a pirate kid and his skeleton parrot flew out and up through the ceiling.

Captain Kid is back, he told his partners. My parents are keeping on top of me so I can’t deal with him.

Headed your way, Tucker said.

I’ll come too. Mom’s trying to drag me to the hairdresser.

Have fun. Danny flinched as the gun went off, thankfully pointed away from him. “Can you guys work on something else while I’m down here, please?”

His dad pouted, but his mom put the gun away with a nod, frowning at the blast mark it had left.

[do-what-the-knight-tells-you]

Farewell Wanderlust and Gender: an Incomplete Analysis

Okay a thing I really dig in Farewell Wanderlust is this section that Joey sings:

I’m the face that stares back when the screen goes to black

When your mum says ‘you look healthy’ but you know she means you got fat

I’m the tales that the guests will applaud and believe

I’m the child that you just didn’t have time to conceive

I promise you I’m not broken

I promise you there’s more

More to come, more to reach for, more to hurl at the door

Goodbye to all my darkness, there’s nothing here but light

Adieu to all the faceless things that sleep with me at night

This here isn’t make up, it’s a porcelain tomb

This here is not singing, I’m just screaming in tune

And I think partly it's because these are not necessarily sentiments you often hear from cis men? Which, I know, he starts his part singing "she said", so he's clearly meaning to take up the (same?) female role from the earlier part of the song, but it's still a voice we read as masculine doing the part, we still know it's Joey... And if it was just the makeup line, like, okay, some men wear makeup, esp performers/actors etc.

And the comment about your mom noticing your weight, yeah, definitely men get that shit too... But we're starting to stray into territory that is more familiar, or at least more familiarly portrayed, as being shit cis women have to deal with.

But him practically yelling, or growling, in frustration on

the child that you just didn't have time to conceive

followed Immediately by

I promise you, I'm not broken, I promise you, there's more. More to come. More to reach for..."

Again, I am sure there are cis men who get nagged and shamed for not reproducing, but that sentiment, the way it's phrased, followed by "I'm not broken" just reeks of every cis woman who ever dared to do something other than have kids in her early-mid 20s, in a family like that. Whether for career/financial reasons, or because she wanted kids, but wouldn't settle for less than a really compatible partner and hadn’t happened to meet one yet, or Literally Any Reason and she's at that family get together and all the fucking aunties are twittering away about how she's running out of time, wasting her life/opportunity for family, not filling the role she ought, what's wrong with her? And whether she wants kids eventually, and Really just hasn't had time/reached that point yet, or she Doesn't, and this Is The Plan, Fuck You, I Am Not Broken, maybe this Is How I Want It and it's NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS what my life looks like... !!!

And so to hear a voice we perceive as male express those sentiments, that frustration, it's deeply different and satisfying in a way that is distinct from if Madeline were singing those lines. Those things would still be true, the lines are I think technically still coming from the same character...

But honestly, for me, that switch, him delivering that section in particular, gives me, personally, Big Trans Vibes.

So long to the person you begged me to be

S/He’s down. S/He’s dead.

Now take a long look at what you’ve done to me?

The singer doesn't have to be FtM necessarily, plenty of room for a non-binary reading, and plenty of just general Queer sentiment (the concept of "queer time" comes to mind here-- in brief, the idea that for lots of folk under that umbrella, because it often takes them longer to sort their personal desires/presentations/identities out than it does more cis/het/allo folks, they often experience a 5-10 year [varies significantly, I'm pulling those numbers out of thin air and personal experience] "delay" in hitting life stages that said cis/het/allo folk would. Steve and Melissa might be high school sweethearts, or meet in college, and get hitched and be having kids in their 20s, But Skylar, say, didn't start dating dudes as a dude until he was 25, so if it takes him five or more years to date around (and around a smaller pool, probs) and find a good partner, he won't be ready to start working on kids until at least his early thirties, and depending on the ways in which his and his partner's reproductive situation are or are not compatible for the Making of Children, it can take them even longer to unlock the Nuclear Family skin-- assuming that's even something they are interested in! Life stages at really different ages; queer time).

So yeah, it was really easy for me to drop a trans lens on this one: he's at this gathering, a wedding or whatever, and maybe he's newly out presenting as male, or maybe he's been this way, been presenting this way, for a goddamn decade, and that does not fucking stop the people who continue to approach him as though he was still the girl they thought they knew. And so he's still getting all the misogynist bulshit, the hetero/cisnormative expectation that “she, oh my goodness oops, *giggle* he” really would be happy if she he would just give up all the queer stuff, or career stuff, and maybe put a little more care into her his appearance, and then she he would be able to find a husband already and get down to the respectable business of producing and raising children!

And maybe he wants kids, he literally just hasn't had time between capitalism and going through a second effing puberty, what do you want Linda, I'm not broken, I am absolutely the person I am supposed to be and I have So Much Time and future in front of me still precisely because of how shit the last few years have been, how hard I've had to work, how bold I've had to be. Have you ever completely up-ended your life and risked burning every bridge you've ever known in order to be the healthiest/happiest version of yourself in your control? No? Then Fuck. Off. Linda. And farewell.

[gay-jesus-probably]

Bisexuality didn't "feel right" as a label because you're biphobic and will do anything to distance yourself from bisexuality. Get well soon, the bi community will be here when you're ready.

Are you the raging homophobe anon back for round two or a new guy? ...It doesn’t really matter, you people are all the same.

If you are the same anon, then now I’m extra pissed off at you because do you have any idea how difficult it is to make fun of your messages? You’re making this really hard for me. First you send a five word ask declaring me a homophobe with no details, and it took a lot of thinking to come up with a vaguely funny response to such a lackluster prompt. You’re a really bad improv partner.

And now you send me this shit. Sorry everybody, no jokes today, now I’m actually just fucking furious.

Let me tell you a story, anon. When I was an innocent little twelve year old back in the far of reaches of 2011, I first discovered Tumblr, and soon enough I was learning about different genders and sexualities, and began exploring my own identity. As you already know since you’re sarcastically quoting me talking about my own fucking feelings, I’d been having a minor sexuality crisis for several years at that point, since gay, straight and bisexual were the only label I’d known before then, and none of them fit me. Despite me trying all of them. Multiple times. You condescending piece of shit.All this was resolved by me stumbling across a post defining pansexuality, and that being the first and only sexual identity that’s ever actually felt right for me. It clicked instantly, and has continued to be my sexuality for literally a decade now.

But back when I first started entering the queer community, pansexuality was actually pretty controversial. So was bisexuality. The two were just lumped together actually, because according to the exclusionists back then, bi/pan people are attracted to the opposite sex, and therefor are basically just straight. Actually they rarely cared enough to bother differentiating between bisexual and pansexual people, they just lumped us all in together as a bunch of heteros pretending to be gay for attention and oppressing the real gays. What a bunch of special fucking snowflakes, pretending to be gay for attention. So there I was, a twelve year old queer kid with a brand new identity, being welcomed by a bunch of exclusionists angrily yelling about how I was definitely just a hetero faking it for attention, and being pansexual was Wrong and Bad. But it was okay, because the exclusionists knew better than me. They knew how I really felt, and what my real identity was. They could fix me. I just had to agree with everything they said and become the person they decided I was supposed to be.

I didn’t do that.

Let’s jump forward a few years. I was older, and still perfectly confident in my identity as a pansexual. I hadn’t considered any other parts of my identity. Why would I? I just never really thought much about gender. Then shortly after my fourteenth birthday, I watched a short film online about a trans boy figuring out his identity and working up the courage to come out to his mother. I don’t remember what it was called or most of the details. All I remember was the last scene where the boy and his mother got into an argument about him not feminine enough, which ended with him screaming that he wasn’t a girl. And then I unexpectedly burst into tears because neither was I.

So that was a fun surprise. Once I pulled through that unexpected sobbing breakdown in the middle of the night and re-evaluated my entire life, I realized that yeah. I really wasn’t a girl. I wasn’t a boy either. Fortunately by then I knew that nonbinary people were a thing, so I had plenty of options. I spent awhile feeling things out and experimenting with different labels and pronouns before finally settling on agender and they/them pronouns. Which was great! I felt better than ever, and was confident that I had my identity down and everything would be fine. But everything was not fine. Because I’d been so happy about the biphobia dying down that I hadn’t quite noticed the exclusionists switching targets. Now the nonbinary people were lying. What a bunch of special fucking snowflakes, pretending to be queer for attention. The ones who wanted to medically transition were declared to actually be poor confused trans people who couldn’t get over their internalized transphobia to accept their True Identities. And the rest of us... well, we were just a bunch of cishet special snowflakes playing at being trans for attention, and oppressing the real trans people. I wasn’t agender. I was a cis girl making up fake identities for attention, and calling myself nonbinary was Wrong and Bad. But it was okay, because the exclusionists knew better than me. They knew how I really felt, and what my real identity was. They could fix me. I just had to agree with everything they said and become the person they decided I was supposed to be.

I didn’t do that.

Step forward a few more years, now to eighteen year old me. There’s no dramatic revelations or long struggles this time, just a slow realization. Because I’d been single for years, and I wasn’t bothered by that. I actually enjoyed it. Marriage didn’t sound very appealing. Neither did dating. I’d dated people before, but I wasn’t sure if I actually wanted to; it was just... the thing I was supposed to do. I found people attractive, sure. But I hadn’t wanted to flirt with anyone. Actually, now that I was thinking about it, had I ever felt romantically attracted to anyone? I didn’t even want romance in fiction! So I experimented. Went on some dates just in case age made it more appealing (it didn’t). Began calling myself aromantic, and was pleasantly surprised to find that the longer I used it, the better it felt. It was right.

But once again, the exclusionists were back and even angier than ever. Because now aphobia was in full swing. After all, asexuality wasn’t really queer. It’s just not having sex! It’s basically straight! What a bunch of special fucking snowflakes, pretending to be queer for attention. And the aromantics, oh the aromantics who weren’t asexual were even worse. Because everyone knows that love is what makes us human. How could someone not feel romance? Us aro people weren’t just lying about our identities, we were pretending to not have feelings so that we could get away with using people for sex without commitment. Being aro meant I was an abusive sex crazed monster taking advantage of all the poor innocent allo’s. I wasn’t aromantic. I was a sexual predator making up a fake identity to take advantage of people, and even though I wasn’t actually sleeping around calling myself aro was Bad and Wrong. But it was okay, because the exclusionists knew better than me. They knew how I really felt, and what my real identity was. They could fix me. I just had to agree with everything they said and become the person they decided I was supposed to be.

And I didn’t fucking do that.

Look. I’ve been here for a very long time, and I have dealt with so many versions of exclusionist bullshit. Every aspect of my identity has been met with random fucking strangers online smugly informing me that I was wrong about myself and they were right. And that’s just the ones that wanted me to pretend to be something else; about half of the exclusionists didn’t make any attempts at conversion therapy, and instead skipped straight to suicide baiting. I’m not even getting into the actual homophobes I’ve had to deal with, or the TERF’s that have come after me under the assumption that I’m a trans woman. My point is, I’m pretty fucking used to this sort of thing.

This just hurts a little more, because like I said earlier, the first round of exclusionism I faced was just expanded biphobia. And the bi/pan community banded together in the face of that. We weren’t the exact same identities, but we were being treated the same, and we were similar enough that nobody really minded the difference. It was wonderful. Bi and pan people were a tightly knit group, and that was a sense of community I desperately needed when I was young. I’ve been seeing this coming for awhile. There’s been increasing amounts of bi people getting drawn in by exclusionist bullshit, and I’ve seen anti-pansexual sentiment growing. I just... really hoped it wouldn’t get this far. It’s sad, y’know? It feels like losing an old friend. I’m really disappointed that you think trying to force people out of their community is right. It’s fucking pathetic, and I hope that someday you’ll rediscover basic compassion and realize how much damage you’re doing to yourself and others. This sort of thing doesn’t help the bisexual community. It drives people away. It’s like the damage that TERF’s have done to the lesbian community; this sort of thing poisons the whole well. I hope you re-evaluate what you’re doing and find a more healthy mindset.

...But also at the same time: Who the fuck do you think you are? Take your condescending bullshit and shove it directly up your ass you fucking waste of oxygen. How the fuck dare you. Do you realize the fucking audacity it takes to claim to know someone's identity better than they do? You self centered egotistical douchebag. Your parents should feel ashamed for having raised such an utter failure of a human being. I’d tell you to go fuck yourself, but I can already tell you beat off twice a day to how fucking clever you think you are. If you ever darken my inbox again you’d better be damn sure you keep it anonymous, because if I find you I’ll kick your fucking teeth in, you smug piece of shit.

[sidecarghost]

Allo-aro Dean/ Demiro-ace Cas Spn 15x18 Canon Div

Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week Destiel Fic

Billie's fist strikes the doorway and Cas's blood seal shimmers. The seal is losing its potency, and it will be just a matter of time before Billie, the embodiment of Death, breaks through. Dean is trapped in the dungeon of his primo-bunker with his best friend in the world Cas. There is no escape from this room, so it looks like he and Cas just get to kill time together until Death makes her dramatic appearance.

"So, looks like we are going to be killed by Death, Cas. That seems redundant doesn't it?" Dean asks the angel. Dean can tell Cas is stressed, so maybe some levity will help. Really the only sensible thing to do when facing certain death is to laugh. He's sure he read that on a bumper sticker or heard that in a rock song.

"Dean, I think I know a way to save you,” Cas tells his friend. “I can summon the Cosmic Entity by giving myself a moment of happiness. Hopefully the CE will kill Billie. And hopefully you won't be killed by the CE. The CE seems nice enough other than the whole moral nihilism and torture thing.”

"I don't know Cas, there was a lot of hopefully in your plan. And why does the CE care about your happiness anyway?" Dean asks.

***

"I guess the CE found out about caring being a thing in the universe, and then the CE decided to try that lifestyle but on the opposite side of the spectrum," Cas replies after some thought. "But more importantly I think I finally know what my true happiness is."

"Is it a blue 67 Impala? Because I actually started working on restoring one with Jack in the garage. I will need to get it painted, but I thought it would be cool if we had matching cars. If you don't like it though it’s no biggie." Dean attempts to lie convincingly because he actually kind of hopes Cas likes it. And Dean is relieved the subject came up, because secrets and surprises were some of his least favorite things.

"Thank you Dean, that is really amazing of you,” Cas says with a soft smile forming on his lips, “But no my true happiness is something I want, but I know I can't have—”

"Why the fuck not Cas?" Dean asks. "If it’s your true happiness you should go for it.”

“Yes, Dean—” Cas attempts to speak his truth.

“Because I don't know if you noticed, but we live pretty dangerous lives,” Dean continues despite Cas’s attempt to talk.

“Of course I noticed that Dean—” Cas attempts to steer Dean’s attention back again.

“Our lives hanging in the balance is just a regular Thursday night,” Dean declares. “So if you think you have a chance at happiness don’t waste it.”

"Having you is my true happiness Dean!” Cas exclaims. "And I have this whole speech about how I never connected with anyone until I met you and we formed our profound bound, if you would let me say it.”

"Oh, but you already have me Cas?" Dean says with a look of confusion on his face. "So shouldn't you be happy?"

"I mean romantically," Cas says quietly. “It’s not anything I ever thought about before knowing you. But now I feel that way about you, and I think expressing that will make me happy. I wouldn’t have brought it up except that it may save your life now, and your life is the most precious thing in the world to me.”

"M'sorry Cas. I'm just not comfortable with the whole lovey dovey thing. It's been something I try to avoid most of my life. Why do you think my relationships never last?" Dean sighs and looks at the dungeon floor. He cares a lot about Cas too, but he knows he can’t reciprocate romantically. Every relationship he’s ever had has failed because his partner has needs he can’t connect with. And now he felt like he was failing his best friend in the world. He had told Cas to be happy, but he was the one standing in the way of it. "Do you need to give me the speech to feel happy? I can tolerate some romantic things, especially if it’s important to you."

"No, I don't think I need to give the speech." Cas says while looking intently at Dean. "So you really just don't experience romantic attraction to people in general?"

"Never have," Dean shrugs. "I feel sexual attraction plenty, and I like having people close and I like touches and kissing. But I don't know the whole falling stupid in love thing feels like fake hallmark movie stuff to me. I enjoy watching it, but its not a comfortable experience for me."

"Oh," Cas responds eloquently.

"But you are really special to me Cas," Dean says putting his hand on his friend’s shoulder and looking him in the eye. "Do you think you can feel true happiness if we have sex here? Because I'm ready and willing if you are."

"To be honest, Dean, sex makes me uncomfortable," Cas replies.

Dean bursts out laughing. "Damn, we really are cursed to never be happy huh, Cas?"

"Maybe not, I was going to just declare my love to you and be happy just saying it," Cas says.

"Oh," Dean’s carefree smile is replaced with a look of discomfort.

"I won't say it if it makes you uncomfortable," Cas says with concern.

"No, it's fine," Dean says. "I just don't know that I can say it back? And I don't want you to feel rejected. Because you are really special to me Cas, and I'm just sorry that we're incompatible. It seems like it's always something keeping us apart, huh?"

"What if we're not incompatible though?" Cas looks earnestly into Dean's gaze.

"You don’t like sex, and I don’t like romance," Dean admits candidly. "Can we have a relationship without them?"

"Yes?" Cas says. "Because there are a lot of things we like doing together and maybe we can figure out what makes us comfortable and happy. As long as we are both happy, I don't care what it looks like to anyone else."

"Yeah," Dean agrees. "Okay Cas, I'll be your non-romance, non-sex boyfriend. I'd like to have a relationship with you and figure out what that means. Maybe it won’t look the same as typical relationships, but I think a lot of typical relationships look really boring. So I’m actually feeling really excited about this."

Dean admires Cas's smile, and how his boyfriend is almost glowing with happiness. Then FWOOM black ooze enters the dungeon and Billie breaks the seal to enter the room.

"Seriously, were you creepers just stalking outside until Cas and I talked through our feelings?" Dean asks.

"Yes," Billie responds. "The CE and I had a bet that Chuck would die of old age before you talked about your feelings for each other."

"I think you all need therapy," Cas tells Billie and the CE.

"Whatever," the CE responds emotionlessly. "Hey Billie, do you want to go screw with God for a bit? It's not often I get summoned to Earth."

"Sure girl, let's do it," Billie responds. Death and the CE both leave the bunker dungeon on their way to screw with God. Dean and Cas find themselves alone together, and Dean reaches out to his boyfriend to offer him his hand to hold. Cas smiles as he takes Dean’s hand and their fingers slot together.

"So, I like kissing what about you?" Dean asks Cas.

"I'd like to try kissing." Cas responds.

So they do.

[sazandorable]

things I wanna see in ace fanworks!

It’s Ace Week!

And there’s huge variety among the aspec community (spectrum! that’s what it means!), so here’s a post about a variety of things I’d love to see more in fanworks involving asexual characters!

(I’m especially thinking of Jon from The Magnus Archives and Zolf from Rusty Quill Gaming, but this should easily apply across fandoms!)

I’ll try not to repeat it every line but: blanket disclaimer that this is very much a “what I feel, what I want, me, personally” post. Others (including other asexual people) might feel differently, and that’s perfectly okay. That’s kind of the point of this post! This is absolutely not a “here’s the one correct way to write all ace characters that all ace people will enjoy and agree with” Rules post — on the contrary, this is partly in reaction to seeing other people say that they dislike seeing, or don’t dare create, things that I, personally… desperately want to see, actually.

CW: this post will contain references to many common sources of trauma for asexual people, such as aphobia, partner abuse and rape, as well as sex (in general and sometimes in specifics) and asexual people having sex.

So! I, personally, love and would love to see more...

Fanworks by all sorts of asexual creators

No matter what your specific experience is, it is important, and your getting to create and share art about it is important, and you deserve to get that, and there are people interested in seeing it. And the same is true for all the other aces with different experiences, too.

Variety! Room for all of us! Share your experience happily, and let other aces happily share theirs!

Fanworks by allosexual creators

I’m so happy you’re interested in asexuality and in depicting it! I do want my experience to be normalised and seen as a normal thing that anyone can find interesting and relatable, even allosexual people. If you don’t mean to be an asshole about it, if you’re generally interested in exploring asexuality and you’re doing it from the heart, thinking of asexual people as people — then I want to see it, and I want you to be able to give a try to creating or consuming whatever you want, and I do not want you to be attacked for doing it.

Of course, you might still unwittingly fuck up, and people might still get hurt, and truly hurtful things should still be pointed out in order to be improved on; but I want us as a community to help creators up instead of shouting down, and I hope you continue putting thought into creating fanworks involving ace characters.

Keep reading for some tips and suggestions of things to think about, to keep in mind and to look into to improve your representing of us and our experience of it!

Extremely specific, different, kinda weird, niche, Problematic™ content, from creators of any identity (including questioning!), who are wary about sharing it because they think that there’s no audience for it, or that they’re not allowed, or that it’s a bad and evil way to represent asexuality

I want to see that, I’d be thrilled if you did it, I hope you do it, and I want a fandom environment in which you can do that safely because you deserve to. Of course, make sure to provide good tagging and CW!

Awareness that asexuality is a wide varying spectrum of experiences and there is no One Correct or More Valid Way to depict it

Awareness that even people with the same identity, label and life experiences might want to create or consume different things

Permission for everyone to create whatever they like, so long as it’s just done earnestly

No shaming, gatekeeping, accusations of fetishising, etc.

There are newbie writers who will never learn if they’re scared away from trying; there are people who haven’t yet figured out that they are in fact ace and never will if they’re not allowed to explore it safely; there are ace people who consume ace content to feel good about themselves; there are ace people who create ace fic in order to explore complicated, hard, unpleasant experiences and feelings; there are ace people whose experiences do not match stereotypical narratives I’ve most seen brandished around, and those people are just as ace and just as allowed to create and consume whatever they want; I do not want to foster a fandom environment in which people must out themselves and offer up their experience to scrutiny in order to be “allowed” to write certain topics; etc., etc.

Over the past two years, I’ve regularly seen a lot of yelling along the lines of “this work includes x and not x because this character is ace!” or “this fic I just read is the only valid ace fic” or “oh my god everyone look at this, this is the perfect ace fic”. A lot of it comes from a place of defensiveness and/or pride, ace people happy and proud to share something that was, finally, pinning down their experience. That’s awesome! ... For them. There are plenty of other asexual people who don’t relate to or enjoy those narratives — in fact, all the ones I’m thinking of squicked me hard, despite being made by ace creators and accurate to (an) ace experience, and I would be really unhappy if all ace fanworks was like those. Meanwhile, plenty of stuff I enjoy gets accusations of being fetishising.

So it would do a world of wonder for me and my experience of ace fanworks if those things could be internalised by the fandom as a whole!

Clear distinction between “being asexual” and “not interested in sex”, ”sex-repulsed” or “not having sex”

Those can and often do overlap, but the word “asexual” just means “experiencing little or no sexual attraction”!

In fanworks about an ace character, the two are generally linked and the reason a character doesn’t want to have sex tends to be that they’re ace, but the shorthand and immediate assumption that “being ace” automatically and always means “never having sex” or “hating the concept of sex” always feels a little weird to me.

This goes both ways — even if your aspec character is very sexually active and enjoys it, or if they’re demisexual and currently experiencing attraction to their partner, etc. — they’re still a person who experiences little to no sexual attraction in their daily life, they’re still aspec in a way that can be depicted and that I can be made to feel.

On AO3, widespread use of the tag “Canon Asexual Character”…

There are different views on the “correct” way to use that tag, in part because… what's the point of it? Should we use it in every single fic in which the Archivist appears, because he happens to be ace in the canon, even if it doesn’t come up in the fic?

IMO, it is helpful — it indicates to me that the author wrote their story with that character’s asexuality in mind, and it informed their writing of that character. Personally, I use it on fics where it feels “relevant” even if it doesn’t come up, such as a fic from Martin’s POV about Jon not being very touchy-feely (even though it doesn’t specify that that is because Jon is ace), but not a fic from Jon’s POV in which they’re happily living together but it’s not about the physical specifics of their relationship (even though in my head that relationship is non-sexual, but I could have written this specific fic the exact same way if Jon wasn’t ace).

The use or non-use of the tag can also simply help distinguish fanworks that were created and posted before that revelation, and did not depict that character as ace because the creator genuinely wasn’t aware of it.

… but also more detail than that, for instance: tagging the “shade of ace” the character is written as

A few examples:

#aroace Jon

#demisexual biromantic Jon

#greysexual nonbinary Jon

#sexually active kinky asexual Jon

#sex-positive low-libido Jon

#touch-averse Jon

#sex-uninterested ace demiromo Jon in happy QPR with Martin

#sex-repulsed sub Jon gets creative

#aspec Jon experiences sexual attraction for the first time and it’s for freaking Elias of all people oh God oh no

etc., etc.

Those are VERY different things! There’s some I’d be delighted to read, some I’m not interested in, and some that would actively squick me personally for personal reasons but I can think of some friends of mine that would be super happy to see it.

If you don’t know or aren’t sure of the exact terms, or if you wrote a relatively broad scenario and want to let people project any labels on it, you can also just describe what the situation is or how you depicted your character relating to things. That’s still very helpful. For instance:

#Jon doesn’t like kissing but cuddles good

#the struggle of NOT liking touching but craving intimacy

#Jon and Tim pointing at each other like spiderman meme, same hat?? how??

#Daisy and Basira have no idea how to explain their relationship and it’s none of your business

#Zolf is just tired and wants people to stop prying into his love life

etc., etc.

More awareness that there’s plenty of stuff about the ace experience that, while very common, can be squicky or even traumatic, and more tagging/warning about that

Here’s some other things that are common to the ace experience and commonly depicted in fanworks involving ace characters, and that can be genuinely upsetting and potentially triggering and traumatic, whether or not an ace person has encountered it in their own life (lots of CWs in this list, obviously):

encountering aphobia, even clueless and well-meaning

having internalised aphobia, aphobic thoughts, self-hatred, feeling broken or strange

social pressure to have sex or relationships, people being invasive or judgy about others’ love life, feeling disconnected from allo people

trying things out just to see

having sex

enjoying sex

forcing themself to have sex

referring to past sexual experiences as something that they didn’t enjoy

being emotionally pressured into having sex

wanting to please their partner despite not desiring sex

feeling an obligation to satisfy their partner

the prospect of romantic rejection for their asexuality

the idea that they must earn love

the idea that getting their boundaries respected is something exceptional and rare and an incredible sacrifice from their partner

being sexualised by someone else or the object of someone’s fantasies

wanting sex or experiencing sexual attraction for the first time

etc., etc.

Two concepts here that are both simultaneously true: 1) those are indeed very common to the real life experience of ace people, 2) it is possible to depict the ace experience without tackling any of that.

Of course, you can have all that! You can create content about that! That’s very relatable for a lot of people, and that last one, for instance, can in fact be an accurate and important depiction of demisexuality. But it’s also not a given that a fictional work about asexuality will/should depict it, and not a given that all ace people looking for ace content will want to see any item from that list. So please, give content warnings for all that, too.

It would be a tremendous help in curating and improving my experience if this could become a widespread habit — I have lost count of the amount of fics tagged as fluffy that I had to backbutton out because they suddenly threw in something really depressing that I, personally, didn’t want to see happen to a character I project on (while other readers found catharsis, validation and kinship in seeing their experience represented accurately!).

If it does come up, tags about what comes up

Beyond the content warnings for clearly traumatic stuff, is there “#Discussion of asexuality”? Is it “#Coming out as asexual”, or “#Jon discovers the existence of asexuality”? Is there “#Acephobia” (“#Accidental”? “#Casual”? “#Internalised”?)? Is there “#Explanation of asexuality to a clueless partner”, or “#Jon’s partner tells him about asexuality”? Is there “#Relationship negotiation”?

Since, again, not all aces have the same experience, odds are that some people will JUMP happily on content depicting a specific experience which they relate to... and inversely: again, there’s some of that which I personally do not relate to and actively do not want to read.

Detailed tagging is a huge help for me to figure out if a fic about asexuality is going to squick me and make me sad for the evening because ah I am weird after all even amongst my brethren, or if it’s going to be, finally, my heart’s desire, what I’ve been craving for, and make my entire week. (Sidenote, thanks to good tagging I did find the perfect QPR fic I’d been yearning to read last week and I’m still thinking about it right now and so, so, so happy.)

Making it clear when an ace character is going to be having sex — beyond just the ship tag and rating

Reminder that a fic rating alone does not necessarily mean sex! A fic tagged just “#JonMartin” and rated Explicit could have them in a relationship and then an explicitly detailed scene in which Jon dies a excruciatingly gruesome death, or a graphic scene of Martin having some solo fun, or even another character, or a sex scene between another tagged ship.

With smut involving an ace character as with everything else, there are lots of us that do want to see it (for a wide variety of reasons), and obviously there are lots of us that desperately want to avoid it (but might be in the Explicit tag looking for smut involving other ships, or horror or whump content, etc.) — please help us know whether to click or not click!

The normalisation of not expecting/forcing anyone to do things they don’t actively want to do

There’s a relatively common thing in heartwarming ace fic where the ace character is surprised that their allo partner is fine with dating without having sex and the partner goes, “I love you, of course I’m fine with that” and the ace character is all oh, oh, oh I am loved and respected, did not expect that. Or an allo character saying “That’s fine, I don’t make you do anything you don’t want to do,” or “I don’t want to do anything unless you’re into it!”

And I see how it sounds nice and romantic. It probably is to many people. But it can also be extremely sinister and anxiety-inducing in its implications: what if the partner didn’t love the ace character quite that much? What did the ace character expect? If this is amazing and rare, then what was the baseline expectation? If this ace character has dated before, what were their past relationships like, for this to be surprising?

I end up running into it more in fluffy fanworks about asexuality than in fanworks that aren’t. Again — you can absolutely do that, but please tag/warn for it; even if it’s just in passing, in fluff fic it’s really not something I expect from the genre. Even though I might sometimes be specifically in the mood to read an exploration of that, in dark fic or in hurt/comfort fic!

And now for more specific stuff I wanna see in stories:

This last bit is intended as both an encouragement for people who want to create these things and think there’s no audience (there is!!), and as a box of ideas for people who have no idea how to depict the asexuality of characters but want to :3 Again, this is not in any way a statement that these are The Only Correct Way, or even things that all aspec people want to see, nor is it a diss at people who create, consume or want the exact opposite of these things — for that matter, some of the items on this list are mutually exclusive. It’s just my own tastes and literally just stuff I personally would love to see (more).

Ace character being single, happy to be single, and happily ace

Asexuality being written in but a complete non-issue, not discussed, not brought up, not even to reassure the ace character that It Is Fine

Ace character being flippant and snarky about their asexuality, making jokes and memes about it

Ace character not caring about other people’s perception of them at all

Ace character feeling only pride and happiness and comfort about that label

More than one ace character! Extra love for them having some similarities and also some differences!

Intersectionality: ace character being also aro, trans, nonbinary, bi or pan, polyamorous, kinky, a drag queen, a dom or sub, neurodivergent, disabled, non-white, … ; asexuality being just one part of their identity

Asexuality being queer and belonging to the LGBT+ community in itself; a character being cis, aro or heteroromantic, and ace, and “counting” as “queer enough”

Flirty ace character

Confident, self-comfortable ace character

Ace character considering their specific experience to be perfectly normal and not unique, if not typical

Ace character enjoying something that is commonly considered to be sexy or sexual, but it isn’t for them — such as wearing makeup or lingerie, going clubbing, pole-dancing, massages…

Ace character happily dating someone who is not aspec

I like the thought that it’s possible! I personally like this more than I like fanworks about two aspec people dating. I like it when the ace character is happy to adapt to their allo partner’s requirements and I like it when the allo character is happy to adapt to their ace partner’s requirements and I like it when there are things that just do not match perfectly and that doesn’t put an end to the relationship.

Ace character having a lot of experience dating

Partner(s) already knowing about asexuality and not needing to have it explained to them

Partners just being like “*shrug* okay”, without making it a big deal that they’re “giving up” sexual intercourse

Ace character crushing and getting flustered over physical but non-sexual aspects of their love interest’s looks

Big strong hands, nice jaw, strong nose, long eyelashes, lovely profile, silky hair, lovely eye-colour, delicate wrists, muscles, long legs, collar bone, shoulder blades, squishy stomach, peek of bellybutton, freckles, moles, scars, …

Ace character daydreaming about their love interest in ways that involve zero physical attraction, thoughts about how pretty or handsome they are, or desire to touch them

Jon pining for Martin and just wanting to talk with him, have tea with him, hang out with him… not seeing how Tim is good-looking but being attracted to his humour and nerdiness… missing his relationship with Georgie because it felt nice to cook together and share clothes and watch the telly together… Zolf missing Hamid’s fiery passion or Wilde’s awful puns… being attracted to Cel’s liveliness and inventiveness… being charmed by Azu’s emotional intelligence or her unwavering certainty in her faith…

Smut involving an ace character

No shaming of fellow real living people about that

Not going to go into it again because plenty of us have been talking about that in this fandom for two years now — bottom line is there do exist plenty of asexual people that 1) do have sex IRL, 2) do want to consume smut, can we please, as a community, move past the “this is not smut because this character is ace!” passive-aggressive attacks already. (“I depict this character as not having sex because he’s ace and I’m ace and it makes me happy” is fine! Just don’t imply that that’s the only way to be ace and that other people are wrong to want something else.)

Ace character enjoying sex

Ace character being completely neutral about having or not having sex

Ace character disliking sex in the same way they dislike, idk, coffee. No, absolutely not, thank you, no concession, not for me, but also it’s nothing traumatic or moral or uncomfortable.

Sex being just a thing, not a big deal, having or not having it not being all that important

Ace character enjoying the concept of sex, abstractly. Ace character consuming porn, writing porn, being fine discussing sex with friends, having a dirty mind — just not wanting to be involved in it

Ace character having fantasies that disturb them

Ace character feeling arousal and being just *shrug* about it, not particularly disgusted, just uninterested

Arousal, libido, or masturbation as something different and separate from sexual attraction and desire to sleep with someone or to be touched

Ace character being kinky af

Ace character having multiple partners and different sorts of relationships with each!

Open relationships

Non-sexual romantic relationships

Queerplatonic relationships

COMMITTED!!! NON-SEXUAL AND NON-ROMANTIC!!! PARTNERSHIPS!!! AAAAAA [sobbing emoji]

Non-sexual physical intimacy

Hand-holding! Playing footsie! Cuddles! Hugging! Kissing! Super heavy making out and getting aroused but no sex! Sharing a bed! Lying on top of each other! Bathing or showering together! Giving each other a haircut or a shave! Massages! Non-sexual nudity!

Non-physical intimacy

Committed couple having separate beds/rooms! Getting married! Being in love and not kissing or touching! Loving long-distance relationships! QPR! Affection and closeness expressed through speech, gifts, services, time, shared activities — wearing each other’s clothes, cooking together, long emotional conversations, trust and secrets, love letters, post-it notes, “thought of you” gifts, celebrating anniversaries with a candle-lit dinner, co-parenting...!

Sexual situations with no touching

(CW bit detailed:)

Sexting, cybersex, phone sex, dirty talking, reading or watching porn (alone or together), consensual voyeurism like watching their partner masturbate or have sex with someone else, kink using toys and accessories or scenes but with no actual touching, …

Romanticised consent and boundaries

An asexual character being super firm about what they do not want and their allo partner being thrilled about that trust and communication!! An allosexual partner trusting their asexual partner about what they want without infantilising them or doubting their capacity to establish their boundaries! “Wait, you always say you don’t like [x]?” “Yes, but I feel like it right now, as I assumed would be pretty clear from the fact that I am doing [x] right now :w” “Hey, just checking, sue me :w” “Yes, thank you :w”

Specific boundaries

Cheek kisses but no lip kisses, no PDA, not having sex where they’re also going to sleep, needing a shower immediately after sex, lights off only, …

(CW more detailed:)

… not caring about feeling or seeing their partner’s hard-on but not wanting to do anything about it, penetration but no oral, bottoming but not topping, giving a blowjob but not having their head held, being fine with extreme acts but not liking fluids, pet names but no dirty talk, dirty talk but no pet names, happy to pleasure their partner but not wanting to be touched, not wanting to come, being only into sex as part of extreme kink but not interested in vanilla sex, …

Shifting boundaries and consent

Ace character likes kissing or cuddles but only on their terms — they will come give their partner a kiss sometimes but bristle at being touched. Today is not a kissing day. Today this ace character is a bit down and would like a lot of physical affection and cuddling. Certain areas are off-limits for touching because this ace character is sensitive on their thighs, ticklish in their ribs, self-conscious about their scars. This ace character considers their chest non-sexual so that’s fine but do not pat their butt.

Today, exceptionally, this ace character is horny and feels like banging. Ace character feels like banging sometimes but is not in the mood right now, bye. Ace character feels like banging from eight to nine pm every second Thursday of the month, catch it or miss it. Couple shares a shower every morning and it’s never meant to be a sexual thing, but today the ace one is getting aroused and hey, you know what, they’d like to get off right now. This massage is fantastic but it’s getting overwhelming, so they ask to stop (but it was great!). Ace character is intrigued about this particular scenario/position/kink and wants to try it out, they do, it’s perfectly nice, but hmm, once was enough, they’re not interested in doing it again. Ace character sexts their partner all day but by the time their partner has got home, undressed and prepared and pulled out the strap, they’ve lost interest.

♠♥ Thank you for reading all this! Hope this inspires people so I get more stuff that makes me happy! ♥♠

[acespec-ed]

hi! ive been wondering a few things about myself lately, and wasn’t sure where to go to find answers (and I’m not at a place I feel comfortable talking to those who know me about this)

I’m fairly certain that I do experience sexual attraction. There have been plenty of times where I have actively thought of sexual acts with a partner and been aroused by that, along with other things. It’s worth noting though that I’ve primarily had LDR, and they’ve never gotten chances to actually be physical.

But I’ve noticed whenever I get past the fantasizing over the concept, and think of it Actually Happening In A Real Life Scenario, I just get.. nervous? Scared? It’s not that I don’t Want to, it’s more that I’m worried about how it will turn out, and thinking about actually doing it gets me super stressed.

I’m not sure if any of this means anything; it could just be some intimacy related anxiety since I have very little experience. But I haven’t been able to talk to anyone about this before, so I just wanted to be able to put it out there, and wondered if you had any thoughts or advice

It does sound like attraction. And many allos get nervous about having sex- especially when they're inexperienced. Whether you're ace or allo, you're not alone there.

I had similar feelings when I started getting physical with my boyfriend, with the added bonus of sex repulsion... In the end, I wanted sex with him so bad I was able to get myself past the anxiety and repulsion. (I think that's how it generally works for allos with anxiety towards the act, but I'm not 100% sure.) We're eachother's firsts, so things moved slowly in the sexual activities department. That helped a lot for me. Slow exposure and all that.

That aside, you shouldn't make yourself have sex if you're not ready/comfortable. But if you're trying to overcome that barrier, it helps when you have a partner you love and trust. One who's understanding and supportive. Someone you can communicate these feelings with, and can work with you with no pressure. Anyone who makes you feel pressured into doing anything you're not comfortable with should be avoided. There’s no shame in taking things slow, whether it be several months or several years. (Or even not at all!)

I’m not sure if that’s the advice you were looking for, or if you just feel better getting it all off your chest. But best wishes! 💜

[stripyhorse23]

TV of 2020

1) I May Destroy You

I May Destroy You might not have been written during the pandemic, but when it arrived in June it felt like the sort of complicated, cathartic show that could have been.  Detailing one woman’s experience of rape and its aftermath, Michaela Coel (who wrote every episode) continually found rich narrative avenues in which to explore her characters’ individual experiences of sexual assault and consent.  If that makes the series sound concept-driven, it always placed its characters first; the push-and-pull between Arabella, Terry and Kwame is key to the ways in which Coel’s tender, curious writing is able to explore power dynamics within relationships, friendships and hook-ups.  Other, lesser shows that are this deliberately open-ended might feel opaque: it’s testament to the show’s confidence of voice that isn’t the case here.

2) Normal People

Like plenty of others, I binged the entire series of Normal People in a weekend, although one of its many pleasures is how Sally Rooney and Alice Birch’s adaptation teases out the episodic nature of the former’s bestseller.  From Connell’s early days at university, to a Tuscan holiday turned sour, and an exchange year in Sweden, Normal People was about the ways in which the people we love move in and out of our lives over the years.  It wasn’t immune to mis-steps (the show draws something of a crude line between the abuse Marianne suffers at home and what she seeks out in romantic partners), but the sheer emotional heft of the show was undeniable, nowhere less so than Paul Mescal’s floodgate-opening performance in Episode 10.

3) Adult Material

Perhaps one of the year’s most overlooked shows, Adult Material follows Hayley Burrows as she attempts to balance life as the harassed mother-of-three and the twilight years of her career as adult performer Jolene Dollar.  The slyly comic edge of the first episode is quickly eroded after Jolene becomes embroiled in the abuse of another actor on-set.  A stark portrait of alcohol abuse and loneliness, it’s also a sharp indictment of how little the so-called ‘culture wars’ surrounding pornography are meaningfully impactful on sex workers themselves.  Hayley Squires gives the sort of white-hot star performance usually reserved for 90s Hollywood rom-coms, a veneer of frustration and resignation overlaying even her character’s most abrasive moments.

4) Cook, Eat, Repeat

Why not in this interminably shitty year, choose the one show that offered the sort of balm it’s impossible to reverse engineer?  Following hot on the heels of a disappointing series of The Great British Bake-Off, Nigella Lawson’s warm, inviting half-hour new series was the televisual equivalent of a long bath and a facemask.  Her fish finger bhorta, brown butter colcannon and black pudding meatballs have already made it into this household’s repertoire, but there’s something innately comforting about the luxurious silliness of Nigella that almost transcends criticism.  Whether it’s the giddy nonsense of her liquorice box, the ‘did I hear that right’ moment when she revealed her pronunciation of ‘microwave,’ or the seductive self-care of making a creme caramel for one, no other show elicited such pure enjoyment from me this year.

5) I’ll Be Gone In The Dark

The true crime documentary series boom has increasingly leaned into a focus on the victims, from last year’s The Yorkshire Ripper Files to Jeffrey Epstein: Filthy Rich, but none so effectively or compassionately as I’ll Be Gone In The Dark.  Less a story about the hunt for the Golden State Killer and more a study of trauma and obsession, the series splices together home footage of the late Michelle McNamara’s investigation with survivor testimony to create a haunting portrait of one man’s legacy of pain.  The early episodes are replete with skin-crawling tension, anguish and tears, but the later episodes allow that to fall away, focusing on the mental fortitude necessary for the survivors at its centre and the sense of community fostered by meeting other women like them.

6)The Salisbury Poisonings

I had no interest in watching this BBC limited series initially: the advertising made it look dry, the story itself (the Novichok poisonings of 2018) seemingly devoid of juicy narrative material.  That I’ve watched this three times in the space of a year speaks to its robust, urgent filmmaking.  Like several other shows on this list, it arrived into the context of a pandemic it couldn’t have foreseen, but watching the rapid, careful response of local government (crucially and deliberately obstructed by Whitehall) to this crisis presented a sort of horribly watchable what-if scenario.  What seemed at first blush to be middle-of-the-road programming evolved over three episodes into the sort of spare, quietly terrifying journalistic drama that invites comparison to last year’s Chernobyl.

7) We Are Who We Are

It turns out that Luca Guadagnino’s woozy, seductive style transfers perfectly to television, and despite We Are Who We Are lacking the timelessness that typifies I Am Love or Call Me By Your Name it thrillingly captured the turbulent adolescence of its teenage characters.  Equally effervescent and raggedly emotional, the show’s joy always felt hard-won, bumping heads with the often cynical, unreadable motivations of the adult characters.  A tender and frank depiction of queer identities within traditionally restrictive environments, it’s also a love letter to young friendship and the lifeline that can provide during our formative years.  Spellbinding.

8) Selling Sunset

Perhaps the year’s most impressively constructed reality show, I was slow on the uptake with Netflix’s Selling Sunset only to have it take over my life for a few weeks during the summer.  Manufactured reality series are tough to get right, but much like The Hills (surely this show’s biggest influence) Selling Sunset gains a lot of mileage from gaming pre-existing friendships for maximum impact.  Christine and Mary’s beleaguered relationship and, obliquely, their respective responses to fame continued to provide wildly watchable fireworks, but the build-up to Chrishell’s separation from husband Justin Hartley was exquisitely handled.  Suddenly Davina’s strangely uncharismatic shit-stirrer and Christine’s predictably OTT wedding were forced to take a back seat to something approaching genuinely moving television.  Trying to tease out what was real and what wasn’t, and following the ways this all spilled out onto social media, was pure, unmitigated pleasure in a year sorely lacking in just that sort of unfettered escapism.

9) My Brilliant Friend

Two seasons in and there might not be another character on TV that I’m as continually frustrated and fascinated by as Lila, the eponymous ‘brilliant friend’ of the show’s title.  Sparingly warm, often cruel, seductive, Season 2 of HBO’s masterful adaptation sees her trapped in a loveless, abusive marriage but as ever it’s her fractured relationship with Lenù that forms the emotional spine of the show.  There’s often a strange sort of snobbery around the term ‘prestige drama,’ as if all that money on the screen is a smokescreen for a dearth of anything to say; My Brilliant Friend uses every colour in its paintbox to portray the yawning void that opened up between Lenù and Lila as they entered adulthood, from the lavish, provocative outfits Lila’s adopts after she marries Stefano to Max Richter’s evocative score and the detail poured into the show’s supporting characters.  Rewardingly complex.

10) Mrs. America

I laboured over what would take my tenth spot this year since there was so much TV that I loved, and especially this year so much of it felt essential to how I was receiving the world around me.  Ultimately, Mrs. America’s mixture of astute political commentary, character-driven writing and host of enjoyable performances tipped the scale in its favour.  Cate Blanchett’s all-timer of a performance as Phyllis Schafly understandably received the majority of attention, but Mrs. America gave us so many memorable moments: Sarah Paulson’s Alice ringing the bell at reception whilst high, Uzo Aduba’s Shirley Chisholm speaking to a potentially bugged hotel ventilator, Margo Martindale’s Bella Abzug quietly realising she’s no longer the radical of her youth on a busy New York street.  This sort of deft, smart political drama isn’t often this much fun to watch, and what an ending...

11) This Life

An honourable mention to a show made almost twenty-five years ago that nevertheless helped define the year in TV for me.  Shows that were once considered part of the zeitgeist can often feel quaint and old-fashioned in retrospect, but Amy Jenkins rambunctious flatshare drama isn’t one of them.  Whilst it can sometimes feel like the show’s characters are universally adverse to making even one good decision between them, there’s a compassion and care underpinning This Life that means it never comes across as overly cynical or sneering.  There’s also a lot to be said for discovering a performance that you genuinely consider to be one of the best of the decade, and no other character this year frustrated and moved me in the ways that Daniela Nardini’s Anna did.  Bonus points for the genuinely chaotic final episode, perhaps one of the best I’ve ever seen.

And FWIW, these are ten performances from shows not on the list above that I loved this year: Marielle Heller in The Queen’s Gambit, Nicholas Hoult in The Great, Sarah Lancashire in Last Tango in Halifax, Poorna Jagannathan in Never Have I Ever, Michael Sheen in Quiz, Imelda Staunton in Talking Heads, Leila Farzad in I Hate Suzie, Alison Pill in Star Trek: Picard, Gillian Anderson in The Crown and Andy Allo in Upload.

And ten episodes of TV that I loved too: ‘Terry and Korvo Steal a Bear’ (Solar Opposites), ‘The Gang Deals With Alternate Reality’ (The Good Fight), ‘Uncle Naseem’ (Ramy), ‘The View From Halfway Down’ (Bojack Horseman), ‘The Vat of Acid Episode’ (Rick and Morty), ‘I Am’ (Lovecraft Country), ‘No Small Parts’ (Star Trek: Lower Decks), Seven-Spotted Ladybug’ (Everything’s Gonna Be Okay), ‘Daytona’ (Cheer), ‘Whenever You’re Ready’ (The Good Place).