#dean is aro

[gaymmie]

Okay but I've read a wonderful fic lately with Cas and Dean ending in a queerplatonic relationship (with ace/aro rep woop woop) and it exactly happened like this. Devotion by Howevernot https://archiveofourown.org/works/29093721

also i'm obsessed with dean like. having a conversation with mary where he explicitly compares his relationship with cas to her relationship with john like. i do think that in dean's brain it makes perfect sense to think of him and cas as Like Married, But Platonic. like to compare them to a romance. and so dean matches mary story for story, one about john for one about cas. and then at the end mary is like "so you two are......." and dean is like "are what?" and mary is like *i died during the reagan administration voice* "........homosexuals?" and dean instantaneously passes away

[phrysic]

happy pride month but im ace so everyone in spn is on the ace/aro spec now

[quietwingsinthesky]

genuinely, supernatural's most impactful theme to me is the elevation of sam and dean's relationship not just to the same level of importance as any of their romantic relationships, but above them. that we are told time and time again that they will pick each other over any potential love interest, for better and for worse. it would have been extremely easy for the show to sideline that at any time, but it sticks to its guns all 15 seasons (even if the quality of the writing around it. suffers.) sam and dean are the most important people in each other's world, they are blatantly each other's chosen life partners: own a home — adopt a kid — go to heaven together. when they are paralleled to actual married couples, it's the show shaking you and going 'what they have is just as important as a marriage, as a romantic partnership. do not discount it because it is platonic. do not underestimate that love.' it is fantastic.

[hannaxjo]

“ you can’t hc every character as aro” it’s hardly my fault they are all aro

[thelonelynindroid]

His only deanfense

[aspecdestiel]

destielpride day 28: family & friends

[rapidhighway]

Dude, whatever. Dean Winchester was aromantic and bisexual

[schizosamwincester]

Romantic relationships? Absolutely not. I'd fuck my brother before I'd ever be romantically involved with anyone.

- Dean Winchester, probably

[peanutbutterandbananasandwichs]

Interesting how people will say they believe a-spec people are queer until you headcanon a character commonly headcanoned as gay/bi as ace/aro.

[decapodparty]

jokes aside i always thought it was worth noting that the second dean found real bonds outside of his family he pretty much gave up sex when on screen (until he was a demon but thats a whole can of worms). the moment a steady cast of supporting characters comes in, dean drops the womanizer act like it was burning him up. for simplicity’s sake id say the first long-lasting supporting character we get that isn’t familial would be cas, and sometime around season 5 we no longer see dean hopping bars, bragging about what he’ll do that night. there’s obviously slice girls (s7), but aside from that iirc the only times dean is in a bar, it’s to talk or to drink. as the seasons go on and we collect a small cast of semi-longstanding allies who aren’t even implied to be romantic interests (jody, charlie, kevin, garth, etc), dean’s supposedly salacious nature disappears like it never existed. he makes jokes sometimes but, really, from what i remember, any pursuit of a night out with a stranger is pretty much eviscerated from any on-screen dialogue as early as s5 or 6.

and THEN to open the demon dean ordeal- it’s really interesting that the moment he drops his connections, he goes back to his early season tendencies. it feels like with him, he either has sex or personal bonds, and when friends appear sex is dropped pretty much entirely. personally i choose to interpret it as dean preferring fulfillment from close bonds, and not truly caring for sex as much as the viewer is led to believe.

[newyorkcityaces]

after seeing some Castiel "I love you" SPN memes floating around on tumblr, wanted to make my own. lol.

[quietwingsinthesky]

enough ‘is dean gay? is dean bi?’ discourse. Dean being aromantic is the closest thing to canon we have and in this essay I will-

[profoundbondfanfic]

weeds or wildflowers?

weeds or wildflowers? by junkyardheart (@faithdeans) Rating: General Audiences Word count: 7k

“This is what I’m trying to tell you, man,” he sighs, fingers kneading into his thighs, “I don’t know what it feels like.” “What what feels like?” “Love… being in love. I don’t– I don’t know what the difference is,” Dean, fresh off six hours sleep, looks exhausted. What follows is a string of teary confessions, leading them to a better understanding of what Dean and Cas want from each other, and what "love" means to them. A/N: Please note that this is an exploration of what a queer-platonic relationship could look like for Dean and Castiel. If you want a romantic fic I have those too, but this piece of representation is important to me, so please leave any aphobia at the door, thanks.

Welcome to another finale fix-it fic. But this one is not like the others. This one explores Cas and Dean's relationship through a queer-platonic lens.

Dean hasn't been avoiding Castiel exactly, it's just that things are a little awkward between them since Castiel returned from the Empty. Castiel thinks it's because of his confession. He never expected Dean to return his feelings, but he never expected their friendship to suffer because of it either. But Dean is plagued by his own self-doubts. When he opens up to Cas, what follows is a series of conversations, an exploration of different kinds of love, and settling into a relationship that can only be defined by them.

And yes, destiel is the greatest love story ever told, but that love doesn't always have to be romantic. Their everyday life, or their milestones, or their future, doesn't have to be defined within what society considers normal. They can just be them and make it up as they go. And the journey is just as significant, and just as soft, and just as sweet. And yes, you will cry.

[deancodedinthewater]

Thinking about asexual Dean. Not a headcanon I usually go in for but I've really been thinking about it a lot lately. Ace Dean who uses sex as a form of escapism. Ace Dean who is actually sex neutral. Ace Dean who is aromantic too. He thinks he's broken because, aesthetically, everyone is attractive but he doesn't get butterflies in his tummy and he never feels sexual attraction.

A Dean who loves so strongly. So fiercely. But he thinks he's never felt it because romantic love and sexual love are not things he CAN feel.

[fandom-hoarder]

do you really think dean is aro? no judgement, it's a cool thought, i just can't reconcile it with all his secret desires for romantic picnics and an apple pie life

My answer is a little complicated, anon.

Essentially, yes, I headcanon Dean as aro/arospec. But this is a headcanon, not what I think the show intended as canon; much as I'm sure it wasn't their intention to canonize Sam and Dean as a queerplatonic life partnership, nevertheless they did, for those of us who know and appreciate what that is.

I've seen arguments for him being frayromantic (when someone only experiences romantic attraction towards those that they are not deeply connected with, and lose that attraction as they get to know the individuals), and that lends itself well to the way Dean has been shown to be a very romantic lover, I suppose.

But I tend to think of him more as greyromantic (feeling romantic attraction rarely/infrequently, and only under certain circumstances). I think this can account for Cassie and Lisa, and lends itself well to my SamDean headcanons.

Now, as for "all his secret desires for romantic picnics and an apple pie life," I personally think this perspective only works if you haven't finished the series. Particularly if you haven't gone past season 5 or 6.

Now, in s2, we get a glimpse of this idea of Dean's secret "apple pie" desires in What Is and What Should Never Be. But that is less about Dean's romantic desires than it is a manifestation of his boyhood desire for his family to not be affected by the supernatural. For he and Sam to have grown up in a normal, stable family (with normal chores like mowing the lawn for your mom, instead of cleaning the guns for your dad), and for Dean not to be the reason his dad is dead. And once again, Sam is the one with more of an apple pie life, whilst Dean has a reputation for drinking and doesn't have a relationship with Sam.

In s3, we get Dean's dream about Lisa and the picnic. This dream often leads to the interpretation that Dean loved Lisa the whole time, and sometimes causes upset at the apparent slighting of Cassie as Dean's first/true love, but I think it's a mistake to take this dream at face value -- dreams rarely are just what they show, even if spn tends to be heavy handed in their storytelling.

-- again, I think it's less about Dean's romantic desires, and more about the idyllic life he's never been able to have -- and won't get a chance to because of his Hell deal. Lisa is the one in the dream because of that split second where Dean thought Ben could be his son-- in the middle of this middle class neighborhood with a bouncy house and backyard bbq-- and he imagined an entirely different possible life for himself if he wasn't a hunter headed to Hell. Dean is easily baby-trapped, lbr.

Being aromantic doesn't necessarily preclude fantasizing about being able to be romantic, either. Especially if a person is still on their journey of self discovery. Sexual and Romantic orientation are a spectrum, too, and sometimes that spectrum is traveled throughout one's life. And sometimes we spend time fantasizing about the ability/ideal to do what is socially expected of us.

But the Dean of mid-to-late seasons doesn't really show a desire for an "apple pie life" beyond his belief that he wants Sam to have one. He doesn't talk about settling down himself, or show a desire to build lasting romantic relationships with anyone other than Sam, who he married in a handfasting in Sacrifice.

And when Sam asks Dean in Baby if he never thinks about settling down-- well, actually, here's how that post-Piper scene goes:

SAM: Dean, I can explain what was going on -- DEAN: No, no, no. No. SAM: Don't "Night Moves" me. DEAN: Shh. Just let it wash over you. SAM: Let . . . DEAN: Just take it in. Bob Seger’s “Night Moves” plays on the radio.

[The Night Moves interlude, my beloved...but cut for length.]

Let's take a moment here to appreciate Sam's apparent need to explain himself to Dean. 👀

SAM: I tried to give her my number. You know what she said? DEAN: "We got tonight. Who needs tomorrow"? SAM: Is everything a Bob Seger song to you? DEAN: Yes. Well . . . [ sighs ] SAM: It was nice knowing you, Piper. DEAN: Piper? That's awesome. Heather. One-night wonders, man. Shoot, we're lucky we still get that at all. SAM: Really? You don't . . . Ever want something more?

DEAN: I'm sorry, have you met us? We're batting a whopping zero in domestic life, man. Goose eggs. SAM: You don't ever think about something? Not marriage or whatever. But . . . Something? You know, with a hunter? Somebody who understands the life? DEAN: Have you not heard a single word Bob's been singing about?

And Dean leaves it at that, but it's pretty clear romance is not something he's really thinking about. He's seemingly fine getting even the small amount of "one night wonders" that 'they' do get. (Another moment here to appreciate that Dean's pronouns are we/us, in a SamAndDean kind of way. --and that this conversation takes place over the course of a very domestic montage.)

Now, granted, at this time they're dealing with the release of the Darkness and all that entails; and granted Dean has been dealing over 3 seasons with the perpetual idea that he should expend his life and soul for the sake of Sam getting that apple pie life; but Dean seems to have left those "domestic" thoughts behind even before he had Castiel wipe Lisa and Ben's minds in s6. Dean's primary domestic relationship is with his brother, and as long as Sam is there, that's alright with Dean.

And what does Amara give Dean as his reward for helping her with Chuck in s11? Mary. Ignoring the later reasoning/retcon that she did it to teach Dean some lesson, we can say that once again Dean's domestic desires are pinpointed as having a fulfilled family life, but not necessarily romantic fulfillment.

And later, when Dean's "greatest desire" comes up again in Lebanon, what does he get from the pearl? He gets his father and mother, alive again under the same roof as him and Sam (and if you want to give subtextual meaning to Doylist ~fanservice~ concerns, wished it so that John and Sam would get along better than they would've if that were the actual 2003!John).

All this, and the fact that he and Sam continued to live and hunt domestically after Chuck was gone, are why I like to headcanon Dean as aro.

[ricky-tiki-tah]

Some character boards for Stanford Era Au Claire and Dean