#and I usually have a headache from overstimulation issues

[yuribalisms]

I am so…. Fucking sick of this job

[goldfades]

manager literally having to handle every single thing and js bein emotionally exhausted, one day she’s just completely overstimulated from everything and walks out to let herself cry

i love angst sorry🤘

𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐆𝐈𝐑𝐋 ─ UCONN WBB MANAGER

౨ৎ ─ summary | after a shitty week, manager breaks down over a stupid test score and her teammate helps her through it.

─ word count | 919

─ warnings | NIKA AND MANAGER BONDING TIME YIPEE! angsty af, hurt to comfort, manager putting too much pressure on herself, midterms (BLEHHH), pretty sure nothin else?

─ taglist | @xocherishxo @iienstein @yazmunson @euphternal @uraesthete @hello-nah817 @wanderlusturous and here's a link to my taglist if anyone would like to join!!

YOUR ENTIRE WEEK had been shit, to put it simply.

Scratch that, your entire month had been pretty shitty. Your midterms had gone terrible, your headaches have been becoming way more painful and more frequent and on top of all of that, you bled through your pants. Twice.

With play-off season arriving in about couple weeks, practices had been running later and later. You spent the entire practice usually on the phone, trying to figure out routes to away games, trying to coordinate transportation for the team, and dealing with the last-minute changes and complications that seemed to plague every plan you made.

As the playoff season even nearer, the pressure mounted to new heights. Every decision felt like it carried the weight of the world, and the fear of letting down your team gnawed at your insides.

Geno had told you that you could leave early if you absolutely needed to, but you hated feeling useless. You wanted to be able to do your job without letting your own personal issues get in the way but right now, it felt like you were way in over your head. Despite Geno's offer to leave early, the guilt gnawed at you, whispering that you were failing in your duties as a manager.

As today's practice wore on, your headache intensified, pulsing behind your eyes with an intensity that threatened to consume you. You clenched your jaw against the pain, willing yourself to push through, but with each passing moment, it felt like the weight on your shoulders grew heavier.

Your phone buzzed against your thigh and you picked it up, reading the notification. Your heart had dropped to your stomach as you read the email ─ you had failed your Geo midterm.

You threw your phone against the hardwood floors, feeling your eyesight become blurry. That was cherry on top, that was the final straw. Tears stung at the corners of your eyes as you struggled to regain control of your emotions. You got up from the bench, picking up your phone as you sniffled.

"Whoa, Y/N? Are you good?" You turned to meet Nika's eyes as yours widened in shock. You immediately wiped your tears as you averted your gaze.

Nika was thankfully the only person on the court right now, everyone else was in the locker-room getting ready for practice. Nika finished up early, like she usually did.

You sniffled again. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"You're not, tell me what's bothering you. Who was it? Was it Paige or Geno, because I swear-"

"No, no." You sighed loudly as Nika's expression softened. "Just allergies. I need to go get something from my dorm, I won't be long."

Nika scoffed as she watched you walk away, her eyes narrowing with concern despite your attempt to brush off the situation.

"Allergies, my ass," she muttered under her breath, though she knew better than to push you further when you were clearly not ready to talk.

You went to your dorm and cried your eyes out, that was the only thing you felt like you could do. You almost debated whether or not you should go back to practice until you remembered that you left all your stuff there.

As you got up to the door, you heard a knock on your door. Your furrowed your eyebrows in confusion as you opened the door, revealing Nika. She held your bag in one hand and hers in the other, a warm smile on her lips.

You opened the door wider so that she could come in. Without a word, she set down both her bag and yours as you closed the door behind her.

"Practice ended early so you didn't miss anything," Nika spoke as she gave you a smile. She sat down on your bed as she gestured for you to come and sit.

"Thanks for bringing my bag," you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper as you struggled to find the right words to express the depth of your gratitude.

Nika waved off your thanks with a casual shrug, her gaze reassuring. "No problem. I figured you could use a break from everything."

Then, with a small sigh, Nika reached out and took your hand in hers, her touch a comforting. "One test doesn't define your entire career, Y/N. I promise you, it will not matter after you graduate. It probably won't even matter in a month, or maybe even a week."

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, Nika had completely read you like a damn book. "How did you know?"

Nika just scoffed, "You think we don't listen when you ramble on about your tests and shit? We do, and trust me we know you better than you think."

A soft chuckle escaped your lips at her blunt honesty, the tension that had coiled tight in your chest slowly starting to unravel. It was true ─ Nika and the rest of the team had always been there to listen, even when you thought no one was paying attention.

"Look, Y/N." Nika kept her gaze on you, her expression serious. "We love you and we need you, but don't ever put us over your mental health. We need you all in one piece if you're gonna take care of us, right?"

"So, for us. Take the weekend off and come back on Monday, alright?" Before you could protest, Nika sent you a stern look and you sighed loudly. Nika's expression dissipated into a warmer one as she smiled, "That's our girl."

↳ make sure to check out my navigation or masterlist if you enjoyed! any interaction is greatly appreciated !

↳ thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡

[creative-caramel-coffee]

The Spiders Sister - Chapter 5

Summary: Reader gets ready with her girls for a stark party.

TW: mentions / discussion of overstimulation, mentions of parties (ew)

Words: 2.4K

A/n Sorry for the late update, I started writing this at 2am on two hours of sleep and then my grandma ended up in the hospital and I had to drive eight hours to see her. Oh… and uni went back so I have like ten assignments.

You had been sleeping for about an hour and a half before beginning to stir. You shifted in your sleep a few times indicating you were close to waking up.

Wanda had been reading because you were still curled around her leg like a baby sloth and despite having no issue with being your personal pillow, it did mean she was unable to leave without waking you.

The redheaded witch had one hand nestled in your hair as she gently massaged your scalp while holding her book with the other hand and using her magic to turn the pages.

You had one leg thrown over her calve as your arms were wrapped around her thigh with your cheek resting on the top of it.

As you begun to shift around more you had began detangling yourself from Wanda, she took note of your waking state and placed the bookmark into the spine of her novel before turning and setting it down on the bedside table.

She sent a quick text to Natasha to let her know you would be up soon, before shifting her gaze back to you to admire your sleepy expression.

While you slept your features were so much more relaxed, your guard was down and the small crinkle in your brow was gone. Wanda had to hold herself back from running her thumb between your eyebrows at the sight of the usually tense skin sitting smooth and flat.

She knew you had a small headache most of the time just from the way you acted. The way your hands drifted to your temples to massage them when it got bad. The way your brow never sat flat unless you were sleeping. Or maybe it was the way you winced when Thor was being too loud that had tipped her off.

Regardless as to what it was that had alerted her to your hidden headaches, she could figure out or at least assume it was due to what pepper had said about your powers.

With them dialling up your senses it must be the cause of your day to day discomfort even if it had seemed to trigger worse than normal at the mall today.

It seemed like something that you had just accepted, after all you didn’t have a permanent solution as of yet.

It also seemed to be something that shifter day to day hour to hour in terms of its severity.

As Wanda had gotten lost in her own mind, you continued wriggling on the bed beside her drawing her attention back to present day you laid beside her.

You mumbled something incoherent before rolling over with a small tired groan that sent Wanda’s heart tripping over itself as your eyes fluttered open.

You sleepily pried your headphones off which had miraculously managed to stay on while you had slept.

Wanda smiled down at you and reached out, rubbing your back gently as she continued drinking in your tired and sleepy expression.

You gave her a slightly crooked grin that did things to her she wasn’t going to repeat.

“Hello sleepyhead.” She said softly, unsure of how you were feeling and also relived she hadn’t tripped over her words. She was optimistic that you were feeling better as you had removed your headphones of your own accord which made for a good sign.

You mumbled out a short “good morning” which made Wanda laugh softly.

Before the two of you could continue there was a light knock on the door. Wanda softly called for them to come in and Nat slipped through the doorway and into the room.

She came and sat down on the bed beside you so you were between the two women.

“Hey Y/n/n, how are you feeling?” Nat asked.

“‘M alright. A bit tired still, but my headaches gone, and it doesn’t feel like everything’s too much anymore.” You mumbled rubbing a balled fist at your eyes tiredly.

“That’s good.” Wanda said with a smile.

You sniffled, sitting up properly.

“Are you feeling well enough for a party?” Nat asked.

“What party?” You asked sitting up a little taller.

“Tony’s throwing a party to welcome you to the team.” Wanda said.

“That’s why we went dress shopping dumb-dumb.” Nat said rolling her eyes playfully.

You simply looked at them and blinked.

“Y/n? You ok?” Wanda asked.

“I think we broke her.” Nat said masking her mild concern at your lack of reaction.

“I’m fine.” You said snapping out of it.

“So?” Wanda asked.

“So?…” you asked.

“The party. You excited?” Wanda pressed and you shrugged non-committedly.

“I guess.” You said.

“You guess?” Nat said sounding exasperated. “What does that even mean?”

“I don’t know, I haven’t really been to many parties. I’m more of a stay in and watch a movie kinda girly.” You said.

“If parties aren’t your thing you don’t have to stay for all of it.” Wanda said, “But you do have to make an appearance, because Stark’s throwing it for you.” She said looking apologetic.

“Wait a second,” you began looking panicked. “I don’t want people to know who I am. How will Stark throw a party to welcome me to the team without everyone finding out who I am. I mean I wouldn’t hate it but I don’t want people to know and it puts peter at risk and-“ you rambled.

“Y/n.” Wanda said but you continued to spiral. “Y/n! Listen to me.” She said taking your hands in hers. Your eyes snapped to meet hers. “Calm down. It’s not a huge party, its just the avengers and anyone else who is important to the team as well as a few SHEILD agents. Only people who already know peter is spiderman. It’s a small thing.” She reassured and you breathed a sigh of relief.

“Oh?” You asked feeling a bit better. “Who’s coming?” You asked getting a little curious as to who knew of your little brothers alter ego.

“Well Carol is going to swing by because she’s in the area. I think the guardians are busy. All the avengers will be there some of which I don’t think you have met yet. Peppers coming. Director fury is coming by to congratulate you, I think. Maria, an old friend of Nat’s. Doctor strange avoids us at all costs since the last time New York needed to be deep cleaned with his magic so he won’t be coming I don’t think. Shuri is probably busy. Rhodey one of Stark’s friends will drop by probably. Scott lang and his daughter my be coming. And Thor is bringing his brother Loki who sometimes stays at the tower. He’s kind of an honorary avenger. Bruce will probably be hiding in his lab. I think stark invited your aunt. And of course…” Wanda said trailing off to look at Nat who rolled her eyes.

“My sister, Yelena and her best friend Kate bishop.” Nat finished for Wanda.

“So… a few people.” You said with a chuckle.

“You could say that.” Wanda smiled.

“And all these people know my brother's real identity?” You asked.

“Yes. They’ve known peter for a while most of them since the incident in Germany, but some only met him more recently when we fought the big purple grape.” Nat pitched in.

“About that…” you said looking at Nat.

“Oh … you're wondering how I survived when practically every channel on the TV was saying I died?” Nat said looking amused.

“Um… kinda, yeah.” You said. “Is that rude?”

“No. After Tony snapped, I returned with the others who blipped, and we used the time stone to go back and save Tony.” Nat shrugged.

“Okay…” you said nodding slowly. “So just another day in the office?” You grinned.

“Pretty much.” Nat said mirroring your look with a bemused smile.

“Now.” Wanda said clapping her hands. “No more stalling. The party is in two hours and we need to get ready.” The witch looked very excited at this revelation and the idea of getting ready with you and Natasha.

“Alright.” You smiled, “what are you thinking wands?”

“Well Nat is amazing at braiding so she can do hair while I do makeup.” Wanda was practically buzzing where she stood looking like she had just eaten three kilos of sugar.

“Who’s first?” You asked looked between them.

“Wanda can start on your makeup while I braid my own hair first.” Nat said with a fond smile.

“Sounds good to me.” Wanda said getting up off the bed. “Where do you keep your makeup?” She asked looking around the room.

“Um … about that … I don’t have any.” You said and Wanda looked surprised for a second before perking up again.

“I think I have some in your skin tone.” She said “I’ll be right back, stay here.” Wanda grinned before taking off out the door to presumably head to her own room.

“She love this stuff doesn’t she?” You said turning to Natasha who was expertly separating her hair into sections with her nimble fingers.

“Oh yeah.” Nat said looking amused. “She lives for this kind of thing.”

“Of course she does.” You said playfully rolling your eyes. “She’s stunning even without makeup.” You said not meaning to let that slip as Nat raised an eyebrow in amusement.

“Oh yeah?” Nat asked.

“I-I mean you are too. Don’t get me wrong. Your both hot and…” you said before groaning and covering your face with your hands.

“Thanks, hot stuff you're not so bad yourself.” Nat grinned patting your leg with her hand while the other held her partially done braid together.

You must have looked like a tomato by the time Wanda came back. She laughed when she saw you sat there looking flustered.

“Oh, Nat what have you done.” She chuckled sending shivers down your spine. “I don’t think I have that skin tone.” She joked and you covered your face again.

Wanda sat beside you on the bed and gently reached out to pry your hands off your face.

“None of that, show me those pretty eyes baby.” Wanda said softly and you pouted at her with a little frown.

“Your too cute.” Natasha said as she finished one braid off with a hand before starting on the next. She planned to pin it into a fancy up-do when she finished the two braids.

You sat up on the bed, folding your legs under you in a Criss-cross pattern while wanda mirrored the pose facing you.

“Alright.” Wanda said. “What kind of look do you want to go for?” She asked.

“I don’t know much about makeup so whatever you think would be best.” You shrugged and Wanda nodded thoughtfully.

“Alright.” She said after a minute of deliberation. “I have an idea. Close your eyes we’re starting with the eye makeup.” Wanda said as she fished around in her makeup kit before pulling out some tape.

Wanda cut and short piece and lined it up tin the edge of your eyes before lightly dusting some black eyeshadow over it. When she brought her finger up to blend it out your breath hitched slightly at the feel of her fingertips on your skin and you prayed she didn’t notice.

Wanda continued working silently. Putting silver eyeshadow on and continuing to blend with her finger.

She removed the tape and curled your eyelashes before adding a waterproof mascara.

The concealer was cold when Wanda applied it and it was refreshing in a way. The way it covered the space under your eyes made you seem much less tired than you normally looked as an ever long suffering insomniac.

Once she had dusted your cheeks with a light blush and put on the finishing details you took note of how her lip had made its way between her teeth, wether from concentration or admiration you were unsure but it was cute regardless.

“Done.” Wanda said and you sighed, not realising the close proximity of her fingers ghosting over your skin had made you subconsciously hold your breath in anticipation.

“You look stunning parker.” Nat said with a little smirk.

“She’s not wrong. You look three-hundred shades of hot right now.” Wanda said and held up a mirror.

Your own breath almost hitched at the person in the mirror.

Wanda had done dark eyes with smoky eyeliner and silver eyeshadow. Your cheekbones were defined and covered in a light blush that shimmered slightly in the light. Your eyelashes looked long and dark bringing out the colour of your eyes.

“Do you like it honey?” Wanda asked.

“I love it.” You said taking your eyes off your reflection to beam at the witch who seemed to preen under your praise.

“Im glad.” Wanda said.

The rest of the time spent getting ready was rather uneventful. Nat’s fingers felt amazing as she grazed your scalp while segmenting and braiding your hair into three sections which Wanda then pinned up into a beautiful spiral.

In the end you were stood dressed in a black dress with an open back, it hugged your curves and showed just the right amount of skin. It had an ankle cut with a slit that reached to your mid thigh. It was strapless with a black ribbon holding the back together in a way that exposed plenty of tanned skin.

You had black heels with silver rhinestones which matched your silver jewellery. You wore a think silver chair and simple hoop earrings. Your rings and jewellery were all your own that you never took off and you always paired it to your outfits and not the other way around.

Wanda placed a hand on your shoulder startling you out of your own thoughts.

“You look amazing stop fretting.” She said. “If you want you can stay with either Nat or I the whole night if it helps with the anxiety.” She posed looking slightly hopeful you would agree to spend the night on her arm.

“I would love that.” You said softly and Wanda nodded happily.

“Then it shall be so my lady. Right this way.” She said swooping into a low bow and taking you on her arm and leading you down the hall.

The party wasn’t as loud as you had been expecting. Part of you had been worried of another issue with your spider senses in such close succession to the attack earlier today, but it seemed that would not be an issue today at least.

Part 6

@tia-thesimp @lizzielillvr @leenasayeed @justarandomreaderxoxo @sycamorelibrary754 @dorabledewdroop @redwolfqueen19 @sadlesbeansstuff

Im sorry to anyone i missed on the taglist it was saying it couldn’t find some of the blogs i was given in the comments (this happens if you change your name as well)

[prismuffin]

Hello! I hope you're doing well:))

I was wondering if you could write some hcs for a male reader with brain problems like chronic headaches, memory loss, vision problems, etc. Preferably with any male character from ATSV

I hope this was detailed enough, thank you for your time:)

It was detailed just fine <3 if there’s any miscommunication or information just lemme know and I’ll fix it! I’m working on writing for a few more ATSV chars but for now it’s only Miles and Hobie! Anyways I think that-

Miles is pretty understanding of your situation. You may have to explain your problems to him in detail but afterwards he’s pretty much got it. He does so much research because he doesn’t want to seem uneducated nor does he want to belittle you accidentally. Makes an effort to help you remember stuff you’re often forgetting, so much so that he’s joked about being your personal assistant. He also carried headache pills in his bag for you for when your head pain starts, even if it only helps a little he’d rather that than you be in pain for any longer than you need to be. Helps you whenever he can with your eyesight, more so whenever you need. Like I said he’s a bit afraid to cross any boundaries so he’ll only help if/when you ask!

Hobie, like Miles, is very understanding when it comes to your memory issues. He’s smart, and uses things like music to help you guide your memory when he can. He never holds things against you when you forget and usually just plans ahead for you. You forgot your jacket on a cold night out? Yeah, he knows, he’s got it covered. Check his bag there’s an extra one there. Loves to play softer tunes for you as to not overstimulate any of your senses. Is always holding your hand as well when you’re in public so you feel a bit safer as well.

———

Directory

[clownrecess]

(tw for an extremely brief mention of autistic meltdowns)

I want to talk about different ear defenders.

This post can also be used as a way to find what pair of ear defenders is best for you, because its informational and descriptive on all of them (All based on my experiences, of course.)

Sensory aids are a great way to help prevent overstimulation, aid the calm down from a meltdown, or just help you to feel safer (and more!). I first started using sensory aids when I was nine, which was when I developed an extremely severe sensitivity to sound. I got ear defenders, which was really helpful. I now have six or so different pairs! The first brand I got was Mpow, but specifically Mpow Kids. Mpow is sort of confusing for me because when you look up Mpow ear defenders it comes up as something completely different than what I'm talking about, same when searching Mpow Kids, so you do need to look around a little bit.

This is the exact pair I have. Something really good about this pair of ear defenders is that its flatter, which is good if you are worrying about bulkiness. It blocks extra sound quite well, but in a way you can still hear people talking to you. However, it doesnt do this perfectly (there is a brand I think does it perfectly in my opinion. Which I will talk about later.) and whilst I can hear people I'm talking to for the most part, I often have to ask them to repeat themself because it makes it hard to differentiate different mouth sounds, which is frustrating. The ear defenders also tend to create kind of an "under water" sound to every noise. It also causes a lot of pressure build up after wearing them for a while, resulting in a bad headache. I also would not reccomend wearing glasses with them. It IS possible, I've done it, but it is really uncomfortable. Despite it being marketed as a kids size I think that they could fit most people.

These are peltor ear defenders. I have two different pairs. The overall noise blocking is about the same as the Mpow Kids ear defenders, except it is a slightly easier to understand people, and the water noise is gone! These headphones are usually a lot bulkier than the Mpow ones. The pair in the photo aren't bulky generally, but are in comparison to Mpow. Most peltor ear defenders are extremely bulky though, so if you want one like the photo you'll need to look around a little bit. These headphones do create the pressure issue again, but it takes a lot longer to do so. You can also easily wear glasses with them, it still isnt extremely comfortable, but it's a lot more comfortable in comparison to other pairs.

These are my absolute favorite brand for ear defenses: Hear Tek. Hear Tek filters the noise near perfectly in my opinion. It blocks noises whilst still allowing me to hear what people are saying to me usually quite easily. The pressure does build up quicker than the Peltor ear defenders, but not as quick as Mpow Kids. It is uncomfortable to wear glasses with them. They are a little bit bulky. Hear Tek also comes it tons of cool colors and designs, as seen in the photo! I personally just have plain red ones with a black over head peice though.

These are Howard Leight ear defenders. They are the cheapest option, but with the cheap price also comes cheap quality. They block very little noise, and are extremely bulky. They have zero pressure build up though, and you can easily wear glasses with them.

Thank you for listening to my talk of ear defenders lol

[elsweetheart]

maybe tomorrow you’ll know

�� summary: when your girlfriend ellie can’t make it to patrol, you take her slot and go with joel. your father figure comforts you when you get overstimulated.

🎀 an: trying out the diary entry kind of cover picture ?? idk if it looks cute or not but idk what else to put so there . another ldr song title lol … this fic is kinda odd ,, kind of a weird ending and idk if i like it. feels kind of ooc. oh well !! ppl requested it. this is a prequel to this fic and a late sequel to this one !!

🎀 warnings: implied acknowledgment of neurodivergence from joel ?? joel is a little nicer / more healed than he is canonically,, reader gets overstimulated and upset ,, mentions of daddy issues lol ,, mentions of grief ,, i think that’s it ??

It wasn’t unlikely that common colds and flu’s swept Jackson this time of year. It was the pollen from the trees, or maybe the sap, or something like that. Ellie had explained it you a while back but you were more focused on her freckles than the scientific explanation of illness, so the information was kind of buzzing around loosely at the back of your brain.

Ellie, who’s immune system seemed to be made of gold in other departments was hit by the cold. She had the runt of it, red nose, sore throat, awful mood. The one upside was you swanning around looking after her, but that one upside was accompanied by several downsides— as per mentioned, really shitty mood, and the God awful medicine that Maria had cranked out to those hit by the illness.

That left very few people to go on patrol, and you being the helpful angel that you were signed up without second thoughts. You, who had very little patrol experience — your talents thriving more in the gardening area or barn. The shell shock Ellie experienced from hearing you’d signed up didn’t last long thankfully, when you’d rushed to tell her that Joel told you that he’d accompany you. She relaxed a little, if she was going to feel that you were safe in anyone’s hands, it would be Joel’s.

She was honestly feeling much better, the headaches and most of the sniffles had gone away by the time the day of your patrol rolled around, but the antibiotic she was still unfortunately taking made her drowsy for the better part of the day — so for safety reasons, she wasn’t able to up and snatch your patrol slot like she’d so cunningly planned.

She’d watched you get ready, watched you pull on your jeans and a tight white t—shirt. She could tell you were trying to look ‘practical’, outfit removed of any frills and decoration like it usually would garner to seem more Ellie-esque, apparently manifesting her courage and skill to support you on the patrol. It was sweet, but she worried for you, and kept having to remind herself that Joel would be there, Joel would be there, Joel would be there. Nothing was going to get you. She didn’t let this show of course, flashing you a winning smile before you left, helping you tighten your backpack straps and kissing the nervous line between your eyebrows. “Go get ‘em, patrol girl.” She was as cool as ever.

You’d spotted Joel waiting by the gate, and your own nerves settled into a quiet hum in your chest at the sight of him. He looked unafraid, as usual — but when did he ever look afraid? His worn brown jacket was a familiar sight, and you smiled— giving him a sweet wave when he noticed you emerging.

“What, Ellie not here to send you off?” He smiled, in his gruff Joel way as soon as you were in hearing distance.

“She’s on strict doctors orders to rest and stay in bed.” You recite proudly, the two of you sharing a chuckle of disbelief at the fact that someone had managed to tell Ellie what to do. Who else would it be?

“Alright Kiddo, up you get.” He aided you onto his horse, wedging himself in the front saddle. You weren’t offended that he hadn’t trusted you with your own horse today, in fact you felt safer like this.

Joel liked spending one on one time with you, like the time you introduced him to skincare. He found you to be rather seraphic in nature — a glow of purity and light heartedness in an otherwise dark world. He was the most happy to see that you and Ellie were dating, as he found your ways to rub off on her. He’d notice the way she would actually think twice or hesitate before snapping at someone, always making sure to check for you first to gauge your emotions. Ellie was gentler than before, her jagged edges buffing themselves down as to not catch you on its spikes. In fact, Joel had notice everyone that had the grace of being around you had softened up slightly and not in a bad way, you were your own little patch of sunshine. The sugar in the tea that was Jackson.

Which is why he was happy to let you wear yourself out with words, burbling about some funny incident that occurred earlier on in the week with Jesse — Joel chuckling along due to the expressive nature in which you told the tale, glancing at the shadow in the snow of your arms waving about wildly in gesture as you did so despite the older man not facing you.

“I don’t know how you got this much energy so early in the mornin’.” He chuckled with an amused shake of his head. You sat with this for a moment, staring out at a gaggle of birds flapping about causing ruckus in the tree top. You wondered if the birds knew the world has ended, and exhaled through your nose at the thought — leaning forward to rest your cheek to Joel’s back. You suppose you were a little tired, not having much sleep from the night before.

“Changed your tune.” He hummed, a little more quietly. The sun had only just come up, and you felt the adrenaline of leaving past the gates beginning to seep out, your eyes feeling puffy and dry from perhaps lack of sleep.

“You reminded me I am a little sleepy.” You yawned and he chuckled, steering the horse round a bend making your fingers dig into his jacket just a little more. You stayed this way for a while, the two of you plodding along on the horse as Joel took mental note of routes and watched for foot prints and such. Your peaceful reverie was broken by the terrifying groan that could only belong to clickers. Your head snapped up, heart clenching in that dreaded way but Joel didn’t seem to react in the slightest. His back continued to slowly expand and deflate with his slow breaths as the two of you located the small gaggle with your eyes. He drew his weapon, a knife with a thick handle and slid off the horse.

You felt slightly vulnerable as he stepped away, weary of his feet crunching in the snow as he stalked towards the screeching clickers ambling around amongst themselves. Perhaps it really had been a long time since you’d been past the gates, as your gut tensed up as you watched Joel brutally take down the small group. You didn’t quite notice that you were clutching at your jacket, jaw tense and eyes wide until he started trudging back towards you slightly lost of breath. His eyes caught yours and gave you a curt nod to signify he was okay, watching you for a moment longer as you uncurled your hands letting your jacket free from its clammy grip.

“Been a while since you been out here, huh.” He slung himself back onto the horse with a quiet grunt of exertion.

“Yeah. I’m super out of practise, it’s bad.” You shook your head fearfully, eyes boring into the mangled figures staining the snow red as you passed them, flinching when one of their legs twitched ever so slightly.

“You’re alright. S’the people who aren’t infected you gotta watch out for.” He remarked. You stayed silent, pensive at this comment that slightly set you on edge and he added “Don’t get many o’them round here though. We’d know about it.” to soothe your anxiety.

Perhaps you’d been spoiled a little with your working hours at Jackson, because being on patrol was more demanding and time consuming than you’d have thought. Some parts were nice, like chatting with Joel when you got to sit on the horse— but the rest of it was a lot more physically challenging than you were used to. Being hoisted up onto walls, climbing over fences, Joel was giving you quite the workout in comparison to your usual quiet and peaceful days. Your backpack had grown heavier from being filled with useful items you had found to bring back home — and it was beginning to make your shoulders ache, weighing you down uncomfortably.

The sky was aglow with a breathtaking abendrot, the day been and gone having been travelling around with Joel all day. You’d mentally clocked out around 2 hours ago, feeling the exhaustion push you past your limits. You never wanted to be in a bad mood with Joel — so you hid it, but you were starting to feel a little shitty. A close run in with the infected made your ears ring from Joel’s gun shooting a little too close to your ear— the annoying humming sound making it hard for you to concentrate. All of the physical exertion made you hot and clammy beneath your layers, but it was too cold without them. You could feel your hair sticking to the nape of your neck, getting tangled in the back of your necklace bringing it taut against your skin leaving a thin chain print indent against it. You could feel a pebble rattling in your shoe that you couldn’t get out, your knee was grazed slightly from a stumble trying to get away from a clicker, and you could feel the blood from the injury sticking to the inside of your jeans. Worst of all, you could feel a slight tickle at the back of your throat — the start of what could be the cold Ellie had.

“You listenin’?” Joel glanced round at you, on top of everything — he had decided now was the time to launch into a long and detailed story. You loved when Joel told stories, it was usually a moment of comfort or bonding — but you couldn’t help but feel irritated at the fact you could barely hear him, ringing in your ears seeming to grow louder.

“Huh? I— ugh, i can’t—” You stressed, fingers prodding inside your ears trying to wiggle the blockage out. Your face was screwed up slightly, overwhelmed by the feelings and sensations you were experienced. The man craned round slightly, taking a look at you.

“Y’alright?” He gave you a once over and you simply huffed, deciding that you didn’t care about the Jackson chill anymore as you practically fought your jacket off your body, immediately going back to sticking your finger in your ear trying to unplug it to escape the incessant ringing. You groaned agitatedly, not noticing your jacket dropping off the back of the horse and into the snow as you continued your pressurised ministrations. It all had seemed to hit you at once, your face heating up as you felt your heart rate pattering against your chest. “Kiddo?”

“What? I— I don’t know I don’t feel good I’m— I hurt myself and i’m getting sick and — everything is too much and —” You exploded, cutting yourself off as you burst into tears. You were frantically, nearly wailing as you grappled with yourself like you were covered in tiny ants. Joel frowned, quickly steering his horse beneath an old bridge and parking up, jumping off — hoping you didn’t fidget your way into falling off. You slid off the horse by yourself, pacing for a moment as you cradled yourself before sliding down the wall.

“Hey, kiddo. Look at me.” His movements was slow, purposeful. He didn’t freak out, he never did. Just slowly coming to squat infront of you, knee’s clicking with the gesture. You pulled your face from your hands, face hot and sticky now which only seemed to worsen your reaction. “You’re panickin’.” He observed. You nodded, unsure of what to say as you scrubbed your face, trying to rid of the feeling of your sticky tears. “Be gentle. Gonna hurt yourself.” He spoke even quieter as you did so, weary of hands rough swiping.

You leant back on the brick, letting your eyes flutter shut as you sucked in breaths. Joel took the time to look around, checking that there were no unwelcome visitors approaching. “Y’alright.” He soothed as you continued breathing. After a moment, you whined quietly into your hands.

“Too many feelings and sounds.” You shook your head, embarrassment creeping up the back of your neck. Joel probably thinks I’m insane, spoke the loud moth’s buzzing around from ear to ear.

“I get it.” He drawled, shrugging and sliding up beside you to sit, drawing his knees up. “We’ll sit here ‘til they go away.”

You went to complain, knowing he probably just wanted to get back, you were only holding him up — “Joel—”

“We’ll sit here, ‘til they go away.” He repeated with determination, turning to look at you seriously. You glanced at him, nodding before you closed your eyes once more — focusing on your breathing.

What did you find relaxing? The gentle breeze that fanned over your face as you sat and caught your breath, caressing the overly warm places on your body and soothing you as evening crept in. The thought of Ellie back in Jackson, the domesticity of it, thinking about how she was probably laying on her bed resting wearing her warm grey hoodie, tongue poking between her lips in concentration as she doodled in her diary. A butterfly sketched with a chewed biro, your profile drawn in the margins. The sound of birds tweeting as they settled in their nests for the evening, rustling their feathers slightly and cooing to their babies. Joel beside you, same old worn brown jacket and the deep lines of age embedded into his skin. You could hear his slow breath, in and out. In and out. You matched his speed, and before you knew it you were calm.

“Sorry about that.” You croaked, voice hoarse from your freak out. You didn’t feel hot with irritation anymore, just a slight warmth to your cheeks from embarrassment. “Didn’t mean to have a tantrum on you.” You sniffled, still clearly upset by the occurrence.

“Nothin’ to be sorry about. I think going on patrol just ain’t for everybody.” His deep voice reverberated beside you. The two of you sat for a moment, and you felt him observe you for a few seconds before he pushed himself to stand. He wandered off, returning back a moment later with your jacket that you had chucked off the back of the horse in his hand. He draped around you and you stuffed your arms back in, feeling the chill consuming you a little more now. Standing above you, Joel held out his hand.

You took it and he pulled you up. The sky seemed a shade darker, and a pang of guilt smacked your chest — realising how much time you’d wasted. You started busily dusting yourself down, adjusting your backpack waiting for him to step aside. When he didn’t, you stepped around him.

“Gosh, it’s getting late already— we better get going I’ve wasted enough time.” You released all in one breath. Your voice was strained, odd, like you were still barely holding it together. You turned to Joel, who still stood there and watched you analytically.

“Hey.” He interrupted, as you turned back to him.

“What?”

He held out his arms, and you didn’t hesitate.

Joel had only hugged you a few times before. From his demeanour, it was clear he wasn’t much of a hugger. Once when your dad left, and once when you had a frightening run in with an intruder. He had been there to comfort you in your lowest moments.

He wrapped his arms around you as you pressed your ear to his chest, hearing the slow and steady thump through his shirt. You let out a quiet sob, shoulders relaxing. You hadn’t realised how badly you just needed fatherly love until this very moment, the hole in your heart slowly but surely being filled by Joel’s presence.

“M’grateful you’re here. You’re the closest thing I have to…” You stopped yourself, deciding it would be too… much to say. You decided it would probably stay unspoken forever — the grief on his behalf too large to mention. You had only hoped he felt your gratitude and love without saying it.

Part of him tensed, but relaxed in allowance after a minute. “I know, babygirl.” He spoke his appreciation. It was quiet, almost like he had hoped that you and maybe even himself wouldn’t hear it. Another moment passed, and he cupped the back of your head, pulling you closer. “Same goes to you.” Your heart was warm when you pulled away, Joel not quite being able to meet your eye — as if processing what he’d just quietly admit to. You didn’t bring it up, and the two of you never discussed it again — climbing up onto the horse and galloping back in the direction of Jackson’s gates with quiet conversation as the sky melted into navy.

You were half asleep by the time you’d gotten back, Joel walking you back to Ellie’s door. Your breakdown had pretty much exhausted you, and Joel decided not to press you on it — silent footsteps in the snow as you reached the porch. Ellie came to the door, welcoming you inside with a kiss on the cheek as you sleepily mumbled to her before toddling inside the house disappearing into the dark hallway.

“How’d it go?” Ellie gave a once over to Joel’s pensive expression.

“Good.” He looked passed Ellie for a moment, to see whether or not you lingered. “Keep an eye on her, yeah?” His brow furrowed slightly and Ellie mirrored the expression, saying nothing as she urged him to continue. “Reckon she… she’s a little … different to you and I. Feels things different. She got… upset. Said she was feelin’ too much. Got all… overstimulated. Think that’s the word anyway. You know me, m’not good with all that stuff but… maybe you can talk to her, Kid.” He shrugged, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Yeah.” Ellie frowned, the syllable coming out in a fog of cold Jackson air. “I’ll ask her… thanks.” She nodded.

“Yeah. ‘Night.” He smiled, turning and plodding away tiredly.

Ellie curled up behind you in the moonlit room, your body was still cold having simply shed your clothes and dropped into the bed. The freckled girl rubbed your arms as she pulled the blanket over the two of you, pressing kisses to the back of your head.

“Missed you today, brave girl.” She whispered and you hummed, hand tiredly closing around her own on your shoulder.

“Missed y’too.”

“Joel told me you got upset. We gotta talk about that tomorrow, you know that right?” Her voice was gentle as she craned around to watch your face in the dark room, dropping a kiss to your cheek. She watched your eyelashes move, a failed attempt to open your eyes and your hand closed around hers just a little tighter.

“Tomorrow. M’okay.” Your voice grew weaker as sleep faded in around you.

“Okay baby. Get some sleep.” She tucked herself in behind you, trying to erase the worry from her mind.

[slayonehundredninetytwo]

headphones

school bus graveyard fic, if you are following me for kpop or pjo fics this is not that! but i thought id share 😝

After the crazy night the group has had, you would think they’d go home and crash almost immediately. Except tonight, for ashlyn, it’s not that easy. She felt her head swim. Seemingly a headache coming on, but the swirling in her stomach said that the headache wouldn’t be the only issue tonight.

Ashlyn thought back to the first time they went to the shadow dimension, back in Savanna. The day hadn’t even been that bad, in comparison to the day she had just had. That first time, they were running from just one phantom. Tonight, they had to escape far more. She was exhausted , even once she woke up the next morning. Her body ached all over. She guessed it was from the running. Her alarm was beeping at her loudly. Usually, it doesn’t seem this loud. But today, it seemed to be screaming at Ashlyn. Her sensitive hearing was going crazy. She pressed her hands over her ears, searching for her headphones, earplugs aren’t enough. She couldn’t get to them without getting out of bed, and she knew she had to get ready for school. She started to get out of bed, groaning to herself as she moves. The movement must have been too much, because she became overwhelmed with nausea, grateful for her own bathroom inside her room just a few steps away. 

Ashlyn has never been a fan of vomit. She finds it incredibly overstimulating and awful. And the sounds. She wished more than anything she had her headphones right now. Once she had puked up her dinner from the day before, she headed back to bed, belly flopping onto her cozy pillows. She grabbed her phone from her nightstand, shooting her mom and dad a quick text in their group chat, telling them she woke up sick and won’t be going to school today. Within minutes, she heard her father’s heavy footsteps coming up her stairs to her room. 

“Ashlyn? Can I come in?” he knocked.

“yeah.” She said, her voice raspy.

“Hey Ashlyn. What are your symptoms?” he said, in a hushed voice, as to not hurt her ears.

“Everything. And I threw up.”

“I’m sorry Trooper. Can I take your temperature?”

Ashlyn just nodded in response.

He swiped the thermometer across her forehead and waited for the beep.

“99.98. Not awful. Should I stay home from work? Mom’s already gone.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“Whatever you say. I’ll grab you some tylenol and water before I go. Anything else you need?”

“I’m alright. Thanks dad.”

“Be right back.”

Ashlyn didn’t have to wait long before he returned. He handed her the water and pills, which she downed quickly before laying back down and going back to sleep. Her dad leaned down, kissed the top of her ginger head

“Love you, Trooper. Keep checking your temperature, and text me if it goes up.”

Ashlyn was already out.

-

Ashlyn woke up again an hour later to a buzz from her phone.

Aiden

“ash wya”

“this class is so boring without you”

“ashhhhh”

“WHERE ARE YOU!!”

“A”

“S”

“H”

“L”

“Y”

“N”

“!”

“!”

“srsly where r u”

“🤔”

“🥺”

“i guess i’ll leave you alone and stop spamming but text me back asap”

                                               “I’m sick”

She responded, hoping they could leave it at that. She had initially thought the others would be sick too, like the first time. But apparently, Ashlyn was sick for real.

“im coming over”

                                              “Aren’t you in school?”

“im leaving” 

                                     “Don’t skip school, I’m fine.”

“dont care im coming i don’t want to be here anyway”

                                       “Whatever, I don’t think                                                                                                                                                    the door is unlocked anyway.”

“ill find a way rest for now be there soon”

Ashlyn didn’t know what to say. Aiden and her have chemistry. There’s something going on between the two for sure. However, she isn’t worried about that right now. Like Aiden said, she just wanted to rest.

-

The next time she woke up, she was greeted by a great view of Aiden climbing into her window. That’s something she didn’t think she would see, but here we are.

“Hey sick girl” Aiden said, loud to Ashlyn, but probably not that loud in reality.

“shhh” she demanded from her bed.

“Oh sorry. Hey sick girl.” He said again, quietly this time.

“Hi.” She said awkwardly. 

“So what’s wrong.”

Her body seemed to answer her question for her, the color draining from her freckled skin. She launched herself from her bed, dashing to the bathroom, Aiden following behind. When she left the door open, he took it as a sign that it was safe for him to come in. The sight of Ashlyn in a big sweaty heap on the floor in front of the toilet, her head resting on the toilet, was hard to look at. 

He sat down beside her, beginning to rub her back. 

“Are you gonna be sick?”

No, she just felt like hanging out in the bathroom for a bit. Obviously she is going to puke. That’s what she would’ve said if she could string together a sentence right now. But her brain was like mush. 

Moments later, she burped, a gross, nasty wet burp. In a normal circumstance, Aiden might have laughed. But when it was followed by a fountain of puke, it wasn’t funny. 

He rubbed her back, noticing the large chunk of her super long hair hanging in the toilet, which he was quick to grab, along with the rest of the hair. He wishes he could braid like ben can right now, but he had to settle for grabbing a big scrunchie off the counter to tie back her hair. He even found a clip and clipped back her bangs. Now with this good view of her face, he realized that the girl was crying. 

“Aw. Ash. I wish I could do something to make you better right now.” he said, sympathetically.

She retched again. Her hands raising to cover her ears.

“Ahah! That’s something I can do. Be right back.”

He quickly left the bathroom, searching Ashlyn’s room for her headphones. Luckily, he found them with ease bringing them back to the bathroom and sliding them over Ashlyn’s ears. 

“There you go. Okay, get it all up. It’s okay.”

He said, trying to comfort her as he ran his fingers through her hair. 

Once she finally finished vomiting, she leaned back into him, ignoring their current situation/situation-ship to get the comfort she needs.

“Alright, let’s get you back to bed.”

-

Ashlyn collapsed into the girl shaped dent in her cushions and got back to her rest, finally.

Aiden took a seat at her desk, getting out his phone to start scrolling.

“Aiden?”

“Huh?”

“can you take my temperature?”

“Oh, yeah, I can.” He said, standing up from his spot and grabbing the thermometer and waiting for the beep.

“100.03”

“Shit, it went up a bit. I gotta text my dad.”

She grabbed her phone and shot him the quickest of texts. Aiden retreated back to his spot, and Ashlyn cozied up back into her bed.

“Aiden?”

“Yeah?”

“Wanna lay with me?” 

She invited. 

“If you insist!” He joked, his constant smile growing larger.

He lay down near to her, unsure of her boundaries and not wanting to get too close. 

Ashlyn scooted closer to him, nuzzling herself into his side, falling asleep as he listened to the rise and fall of her breath.

-

ahhh was this too romantic and gross 💀 for my usual readers who may not be familiar with sbg, i really recommend it it’s amazing and if not i hope you still enjoyed the fic! filling requests soon dw this was just chilling in my drafts and i had to remove it.

also if someone has a sbg sickfic request i would be happy to fill it for you :)

🫶

[cosmic-latt3]

Copia headcanons

Some of these are common fanon I agree with I think. Also some of these are me projecting onto him lol (though some are opposite of me). If any of this contradicts canon it's probably because I forgot what's canon

He's AuDHD but the presentation where autism is more prominent. He's self-diagnosed because the ministry doesn't tend to do therapists or anything like that

He's bisexual. It was never a big deal for him because he was raised in the ministry and although they have some very bad/toxic aspects they're pretty good with queer stuff most of the time

He knows who his mom is. She told him as a young adult. They never talked about it again. He doesn't know who his dad is but kind of subconsciously knows

His main special interests are rats and retro video games. He has 3 pet rats. They're all female rats. He likes Pokemon games a lot. He names his rats after different rodent pokemon like rattata, patrat, etc. The absolute newest system he'll touch are DS and Wii era. Usually much older than that. He has quite a few different consoles. The 3d on the 3ds gave him a headache and he never noticed the slider to turn it off so he gave it to Terzo (very ADHD) who shoved it in a pile of crap and forgot about it. That was the last brand new one he bought. He also has a secondary special interest in movies

He's not super great at using newer technology and doesn't really care for it. He doesn't like changes with that kind of thing so he still uses older stuff he's had for a long time like his record player and 8 track (he uses the record player mostly hence forgetting how to use the 8 track). He resents essentially needing to to have a smartphone to participate in modern society and probably forgets it all the time, or breaks it. He gets some shitty cheap or old one that doesn't last long.

He's had the same work laptop for like, a decade. He's paid way more to computer repair shops getting it fixed or parts upgraded various times (he takes care of it unlike his phone but of course batteries only last a few years, etc) then it would have been to get a new one. He doesn't have to use it that much though the ministry as a whole tends to be lower tech then the rest of society because they skew older (although there are plenty of younger people there as well)

Disordered eating mention: he has some arfid-like sensory and executive function issues around food that flare up when he's stressed and during those times he tends to mostly drink things with calories instead of eating very much

He likes vestibular stims like riding his trike which he's done since he was young, swingset, and he wishes they would make an adult size sit and spin

He has a LOT of different comfort objects like rat plushies, the things you see in his room (all his decorations he's had for a zillion years. his kitten poster he's had since he was an actual child), stim toys like wacky tracks, etc. He likes ones that make clicky noises and sometimes doesn't realize it's not a good time for that in public

The full Papa facepaint and robes are kind of a sensory issue but not to the point where it's unbearable or anything.

He has like 10 of the red tracksuit but he wears different shirts under it that we just haven't seen. He does have like 3 of the vvulgari shirt. it's a particularly good fabric. He also has some band shirts

He mostly likes music that came out in the 80s and 90s, but listens to some newer music too. Pretty diverse genres. He likes metal from the 80s but also pop and whatever random music he happens to like

Some people teased him growing up so he's insecure about his looks/has some body dysmorphia issues (hence getting plastic surgery)

He LOVES being on stage and preforming but it's overstimulating and wipes him out. he can sometimes have meltdowns and shutdowns on tour because of it

He likes cats and bunnies but not a special interest like rats

NSFW mention: He didn't lose his virginity until he was like 30 or something, but he made up for lost time after that and has had quite a few casual partners in his life. He hasn't had a lot of serious/long term relationships because he struggles with communication in relationships, and excessive masking to the detriment of the relationship. He also is pretty introverted and his need for independence and time alone could clash with partners. He's a switch but leans toward sub

[safety-net-did]

Friday is the end of week four since restarting T and starting the stimulant, and the second week of the stabilization dose.

I'm tired. Have been for about a week.

Not particularly in the physical sense. Not anywhere near the degree I was dealing with daily before the med change.

The T is probably influencing my irritability a bit, it did last time I was on it. But I'm sure it's mostly just my seasonal shift. I wish I could leave the body to those better able to handle things. Or could figure out better ways to manage this time of year than basically hibernating.

I feel disconnected and easily overstimulated. Unmotivated and apathetic. I want to do things with others and enjoy it, but I feel trapped in my head. I feel slow and unable to interest myself in them or the activity. I want to be near my loves, but I want to forget I exist. I have almost no interest in using weed or alcohol, which is neither good nor bad. When I have gotten high it hasn't helped much, unfortunately.

I feel like I need to be Doing Something, but none of the things that I've been able to do satisfy the feeling. Doing fun things feels like a chore, doing chores has me feeling like robot. I just watch while someone else takes body control and gets it done for us. I feel worn out, but doing nothing feels worse. I want to staring at screens because it feels like it's making it worse, but nothing else feels like it's making it better. I can't stop thinking about things that I "should" be doing, even though I know that when I feel like this the correct, the best thing I can do is rest and wait for it to pass.

My headaches are stronger and more frequent. My knee is hurting at a higher intensity more often. My chronic sinus issues are drippier than usual, which is annoying. Acid reflux has gotten worse again. My temperature regulation is still out of whack, another thing I remember from starting T last time. I'm still having GI side effects from the stimulant.

On the plus side the appetite issue seems to be starting to even out a little. I still am not feeling hunger as often or as soon as would be ideal, but I am having more of an interest in eating than I was. Less of a repulsion from food.

I think I'm going to lay down for a while and be still. I just want to feel real again.

[sillysickfics192]

headphones 🎧

reposted for this blog!

After the crazy night the group has had, you would think they’d go home and crash almost immediately. Except tonight, for ashlyn, it’s not that easy. She felt her head swim. Seemingly a headache coming on, but the swirling in her stomach said that the headache wouldn’t be the only issue tonight.

Ashlyn thought back to the first time they went to the shadow dimension, back in Savanna. The day hadn’t even been that bad, in comparison to the day she had just had. That first time, they were running from just one phantom. Tonight, they had to escape far more. She was exhausted , even once she woke up the next morning. Her body ached all over. She guessed it was from the running. Her alarm was beeping at her loudly. Usually, it doesn’t seem this loud. But today, it seemed to be screaming at Ashlyn. Her sensitive hearing was going crazy. She pressed her hands over her ears, searching for her headphones, earplugs aren’t enough. She couldn’t get to them without getting out of bed, and she knew she had to get ready for school. She started to get out of bed, groaning to herself as she moves. The movement must have been too much, because she became overwhelmed with nausea, grateful for her own bathroom inside her room just a few steps away. 

Ashlyn has never been a fan of vomit. She finds it incredibly overstimulating and awful. And the sounds. She wished more than anything she had her headphones right now. Once she had puked up her dinner from the day before, she headed back to bed, belly flopping onto her cozy pillows. She grabbed her phone from her nightstand, shooting her mom and dad a quick text in their group chat, telling them she woke up sick and won’t be going to school today. Within minutes, she heard her father’s heavy footsteps coming up her stairs to her room. 

“Ashlyn? Can I come in?” he knocked.

“yeah.” She said, her voice raspy.

“Hey Ashlyn. What are your symptoms?” he said, in a hushed voice, as to not hurt her ears.

“Everything. And I threw up.”

“I’m sorry Trooper. Can I take your temperature?”

Ashlyn just nodded in response.

He swiped the thermometer across her forehead and waited for the beep.

“99.98. Not awful. Should I stay home from work? Mom’s already gone.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“Whatever you say. I’ll grab you some tylenol and water before I go. Anything else you need?”

“I’m alright. Thanks dad.”

“Be right back.”

Ashlyn didn’t have to wait long before he returned. He handed her the water and pills, which she downed quickly before laying back down and going back to sleep. Her dad leaned down, kissed the top of her ginger head

“Love you, Trooper.”

Ashlyn was already out.

-

Ashlyn woke up again an hour later to a buzz from her phone.

Aiden

“ash wya”

“this class is so boring without you”

“ashhhhh”

“WHERE ARE YOU!!”

“A”

“S”

“H”

“L”

“Y”

“N”

“!”

“!”

“srsly where r u”

“🤔”

“🥺”

“i guess i’ll leave you alone and stop spamming but text me back asap”

                                               “I’m sick”

She responded, hoping they could leave it at that. She had initially thought the others would be sick too, like the first time. But apparently, Ashlyn was sick for real.

“im coming over”

                                              “Aren’t you in school?”

“im leaving” 

                                     “Don’t skip school, I’m fine.”

“dont care im coming i don’t want to be here anyway”

                                       “Whatever, I don’t think                                                                                                                                                    the door is unlocked anyway.”

“ill find a way rest for now be there soon”

Ashlyn didn’t know what to say. Aiden and her have chemistry. There’s something going on between the two for sure. However, she isn’t worried about that right now. Like Aiden said, she just wanted to rest.

-

The next time she woke up, she was greeted by a great view of Aiden climbing into her window. That’s something she didn’t think she would see, but here we are.

“Hey sick girl” Aiden said, loud to Ashlyn, but probably not that loud in reality.

“shhh” she demanded from her bed.

“Oh sorry. Hey sick girl.” He said again, quietly this time.

“Hi.” She said awkwardly. 

“So what’s wrong.”

Her body seemed to answer her question for her, the color draining from her freckled skin. She launched herself from her bed, dashing to the bathroom, Aiden following behind. When she left the door open, he took it as a sign that it was safe for him to come in. The sight of Ashlyn in a big sweaty heap on the floor in front of the toilet, her head resting on the toilet, was hard to look at. 

He sat down beside her, beginning to rub her back. 

“Are you gonna be sick?”

No, she just felt like hanging out in the bathroom for a bit. Obviously she is going to puke. That’s what she wouldn’t said if she could string together a sentence right now. But her brain was like mush. 

Moments later, she burped, a gross, nasty wet burp. In a normal circumstance, Aiden might have laughed. But when it was followed by a fountain of puke, it wasn’t funny. 

He rubbed her back, noticing the large chunk of her super long hair hanging in the toilet, which he was quick to grab, along with the rest of the hair. He wishes he could braid like ben can right now, but he had to settle for grabbing a big scrunchie off the counter to tie back her hair. He even found a clip and clipped back her bangs. Now with this good view of her face, he realized that the girl was crying. 

“Aw. Ash. I wish I could do something to make you better right now.” he said, sympathetically.

She retched again. Her hands raising to cover her ears.

“Ahah! That’s something I can do. Be right back.”

He quickly left the bathroom, searching Ashlyn’s room for her headphones. Luckily, he found them with ease bringing them back to the bathroom and sliding them over Ashlyn’s ears. 

“There you go. Okay, get it all up. It’s okay.”

He said, trying to comfort her as he ran his fingers through her hair. 

Once she finally finished vomiting, she leaned back into him, ignoring their current situation/situation-ship to get the comfort she needs.

“Alright, let’s get you back to bed.”

-

Ashlyn collapsed into the girl shaped dent in her cushions and got back to her rest, finally.

Aiden took a seat at her desk, getting out his phone to start scrolling.

“Aiden?”

“Huh?”

“candle you take my temperature?”

“Oh, yeah, I can.” He said, standing up from his spot and grabbing the thermometer and waiting for the beep.

“100.03”

“Shit, it went up a bit. I gotta text my dad.”

She grabbed her phone and shot him the quickest of texts. Aiden retreated back to his spot, and Ashlyn cozied up back into her bed.

“Aiden?”

“Yeah?”

“Wanna lay with me?” 

She invited. 

“If you insist!” He joked, his constant smile growing larger.

He lay down near to her, unsure of her boundaries and not wanting to get too close. 

Ashlyn scooted closer to him, nuzzling herself into her side, falling asleep as he listened to the rise and fall of her breath.

-

🫶

[glimpseofadaydream]

So I had this little talk recently with a bunch of ADHD-people about starting ADHD medication and side effects and I thought it was important, so let me write it down here real quick:

ADHD medication usually has side effects because most of them are stimulants of some kind and work on the central nervoesystem BUT some of the things, that can be mistaken for side effects are legitimately your own feelings and sensations.

For example:

I started to have real stomach irritations when I started taking methylphenidate and I thought it was one of the side effects. The thing was, the pain would usually leave after I ate something, so I wouldn't immediately drop or change my meds, I would just eat more. I had a short talk with my doctor on whether I should change the meds or drop them alltogether and her very astonishing answer (at least to me) was: "That's not a side effect. You're feeling hunger."

Turned out, I never knew what hunger felt like because I was so overwhelmed with outside stimuli that I wasn't able to feel my own body.

Other example: massive headache. Headaches can occur as side effects but they can also be a result of tense muscles. If you can't sense that your muscles are tense, you usually can't figure out where your headache comes from.

Or maybe you never drank enough before, because you simply never felt thirst in your life and now you're dehydrated. Things like that.

You start feeling tired as soon as the medication starts working? Maybe you have an insane lack of rest and sleep, because you move a lot in your sleep and the hyperactivity keeps you from getting actual rest and relaxation.

You feel sad, angry, depressed or lonely as soon as the medication starts working? Maybe it's because you have a valid reason to and you never felt these feelings before because they were buried under a deep layer of noise, hyperactivity and overstimulation.

These things are definitely worth figuring out because if you have legitimate pain or depression, that should be worked on. Dropping medication in cases like that means to shove actual, valid issues under a rug of outside stimuli again.

Sometimes it just helps to allow a phase of overcompensation. I had a phase where I would literally take a nap every 2 hours for an hour or so because I had to compensate on the lack of rest I had for almost 25 years. These phases are inconvenient (sleeping on the job, at university etc.) but for the sake of your health, they are worth going through.

(Obviously, that process should be overlooked by a psychiatrist who knows about the side effects of the medication, especially if it involves other mental health issues like depression, etc.)

[ruthlesslistener]

I'm curious when you say that a parrot is ideal for you - what do you love about owning them?

Well, first off, I absolutely adore their intelligence, it makes them super fun to work with and care for! They're one of my special interests, and one of my favorite things to do is to get out a variety of different bird-safe items for them to play with and seeing how they interact with things in their environment, be it figuring out a treat box, throwing something off their cage, or simply working with me to gain a sort of mutual understanding of one another. For example, I socialized Ollie enough for her to see me as part of her 'flock', but the only thing I taught her in particular was stepping up onto my shoulder. All the things she does with me now- doing a little chirp-dance at different parts of her cage when she needs something like food, climbing all over me to snuggle, rubbing her head on my ear, walking to one shoulder or another to tell me where to go- were behaviors that she initiated that I then reinforced once I realized how useful they were for caring for her. Finding that communication link and working together to establish a common language with a living dinosaur is *seriously* one of the coolest things I think you can do in your lifetime.

Second off, as much as I love my friends and talking to people over the internet, I'm extremely antisocial. Not 'shy', because that would imply that I want to be more social and/or talk to more people but am just bad at it. When I mean antisocial, I mean legitimately antisocial. As in I've initiated maybe two friendships in my entire life, because I haven't ever really felt the need to be around others outside of infodumping. As in post-quarentine I cannot stand to be around people irl for more than 3 hours max without either developing a huge bitch of a headache, breaking down, or blowing a fuse, because I have severe sensory issues and human beings are fucking nightmares to deal with in the flesh that are loud, stare-y, and smelly on top of the whole 'conform to society rules that don't make sense' thing. My tolerance spikes drastically when I'm around people I care about or I can infodump to, but the simple fact is that people overstimulate me really damn bad, which means that I logically do not want to be around them much.

Birds, however? Not so much. They're social beings, yes, and they are loud, but they're only loud if they need something or are yelling for the hell of it. They can't hug you or otherwise physically restrain you, and their feet don't have that gross clammy oily sensation of human skin that I can't deal with. So I could honestly live alone in the woods with nothing but a computer and a phone to talk with my discord friends and my cockatiel and budgies to snuggle with and get all of my socializing needs out of the way. In fact, if it wasn't for all the deaths that corona caused, I'd rate quarantine as being one of my most productive periods in my life simply because I was allowed to sit next to the birdcage all day and work while Ollie sat with me and snuggled, and the parakeets were allowed to free-roam the room until bedtime (because I was there to supervise). I spend pretty much all of my working days either interacting with my birds or being in the same room as them, and it gives me the same level of 'happy contentment' that I usually get when hanging out with my irl friends. Which is something they need too, so it works out for us both!

Third: I literally could not care less if they hate me or destroy my house, because I derive joy from being able to take care of them, observe them, and from seeing them being happy and healthy. My boy Stormy isn't tame in the slightest, and seems to view me as an occupational hazard more than anything (I've only ever been bit or chewed with him), but I delight in watching him fly about or chew his way into things like the little troublemaker that he is. I would LIKE him to be okay with handling, as it would make caring for him a lot easier, but I've worked out compromises with him that suit both of our needs. The exact reason why a dream of mine is to adopt a cockatoo (or a pair, bc they are flocking birds and need more than one flock member) is because I hear they're extremely challenging birds to keep that have a very high rate of behavioral issues and are often rehomed, and I want to try to change that in any way I can. I'd love to have a cockatoo companion I can take anywhere with me (REASONABLE OFC), but that's just an added bonus. Really what I want is just to be able to take in an animal that needs a home and find out exactly how to give them the life that they deserve, even if they don't like me. Because what matters to me is seeing an animal that should have never been bred in captivity being able to live the happiest life they could possibly have, esp. after being understimulated and/or passed down by owners who simply could not match their needs with their lifestyles. I like the challenge, and if I can't reasonably support one of those birds in my own home, then I'm certainly going to volunteer at a rescue organization so that I can improve their lives from there

TDLR: I'm an autistic man whose special interests are birds and also can't stand being around people for sensory reasons, so I get a great deal of my social interaction not just from discord, but also from being with my birds, who require an astronomical amount of social interaction and intellectual engagement. I relish the challenge of finding new ways to keep them healthy both physically and intellectually, and enjoy working with them, even if is loud, full of poop, and rife with bites.

They're such intelligent, alien-yet-similar little lifeforms that its hard not to love them, but holy SHIT are they a lot of hard work. If you don't have a passion for making foraging toys, setting up enclosures, trying to give animals varied diets, watching them carefully when they're not in a birdproofed room, are not okay with being pooped on, bitten (which is always ur fault btw, I've never been actually bitten if I don't deserve it/it was an accident and it WILL happen on accident bc they explore everything with their mouths), having your house destroyed, having to pick up destroyed toys all the time, listening to them scream at anything they think is worth yelling at, chewing holes in your shirt, trying to climb into said shirt, or don't want to spend many hours of your day sitting with them, then they are NOT the right pet for you

[heartshattering]

/// Vent under the "keep reading" (nothing that bad but I'm just feeling very stressed and frustrated and want to rant)

I feel like this makes me sound like an incredibly selfish person but I really hate how demanding my mom gets when her health becomes more of a focal point than usual. Tomorrow, my mom is going to the hospital for a medical procedure. Today during the daytime things went okay (I made coffee and breakfast, helped her figure out her telehealth call, took notes for her, helped her ask questions, etc.) and it didn't seem like she was in that bad of a mood or anything.

Then, my dad had to leave for work... this is the part where my mom gets angry.

So, my dad is working in-person, but it sounds like most of his co-workers are able to get away with still working remotely. However, my dad has always been more of a traditional type of person (when he was made to use Zoom during his job last year, he hated it and I'm actually surprised he even learned how to use it since he was so resistant at first). I also feel like he uses his job as a way to get a break from the house, because taking care of my mom and grandma (mom's mom) gets really demanding... actually, my parents do not get along very well...

Anyway. My dad left for work and different things started to bother my mom. First off, she found out that he's going to his job even though his co-workers are not, and apparently he had lied to her about that before (I didn't know that), so she got really mad. Then, my grandma started acting out (wetting herself, getting her clothes dirty, spilling things, not cooperating, etc.) which was very draining to deal with. After things settled down a bit I ended up dozing off (I was also dealing with bad headaches ever since I woke up, and the medicine for it makes me drowsy sometimes). So I fell asleep in my grandma's room until my dad came home.

Since he's returned my mom has been ignoring him completely, and acting extremely demanding and passive-aggressive... things like asking for stuff every few minutes, complaining about random things I didn't fully understand (like... basically complaining for the sake of complaining where it's like "I don't know why that's getting her mad, and I don't know how to help her with it, but she seems to want people to know how to do something about it anyway without explaining"). Yup, you can just imagine how much my ADHD brain loves that (/sarcasm). Anyway. So she keeps demanding stuff and then if my dad offers to help before me, she completely ignores him (silent treatment). Like one example I can think of is that she wanted something, and said it loudly enough for both me and my dad to hear, but when my dad asked her more details about what she wanted, she snubbed him, which really means she wanted me to do it, since she's still extremely pissed at my dad, but wanted to make a huge dramatic show out of ignoring him/acting annoyed towards him. And then he just curses at her/calls her names when she's not in hearing range.

I just fucking hate the way they can't talk their issues out like adults and play stupid games like this instead??? And then I get caught in the middle of all this and I just. Do not know what to do. And I find myself being annoyed at both of them (because yeah, my dad probably should communicate more with my mom) but like I said my mom has to act SO pity-grabbing and then reject people's help and it's annoying and immature as fuck. Like. I can't even concentrate on doing anything because my mood feels like it's been rattled (there's just this annoying tension throughout in the house plus she was slamming things earlier which was making me feel even more overstimulated).

I feel mentally/physically tired and unwell but also revved up at the same time. I feel upset and kind of like crying even though it doesn't make any sense? I feel like it's the type of crying that comes from frustration/annoyance more than sadness. And I know it's going to be extremely annoying when my mom comes back from the hospital even though it's not her fault but I already feel overworked, having to take care of my grandma, and being in my last week of classes for the term and putting my final projects together, and it just feels like I never get any time for myself and that any time I think I'm dealing with anxiety better, something has to turn things upside down and I'm just back to "I don't know what to do right now" mode. I want to do everything, I want to do nothing, I don't know anymore how I feel. I'm just tired.

[mcrmadness]

I was writing elsewhere about why I don’t relate to he most common Asperger’s traits and why do I think I have a logic explanation to everything they think makes me an asperger, and the text got so long I might as well just copypaste some of that on here:

It's also so hard to find any good list of Asperger’s symptoms because almost every list says "may or may not be like this", and I definitely am missing the core symptoms of Asperger's and autism. I only relate to those symptoms that are present in both, Asperger's/autism AND adhd, and then to symptoms found in ADD but not only in Asperger's/autism.

I also lack anything from childhood that makes a kid a typical autistic kid. And many things that I share with autistic people I can already explain with other things like my personality, e.g.:

I don't like people because I'm an introvert, not because I'm not neurotypical; and I'm aroace which is why my interests are more important to me than human relationships.

I don't look people in the eye because I am highly sensitive person and an introvert. I also have lots of traumas from other people which makes me act like that because I still basically expect people to start shouting at me or something out of blue, so I'm sometimes acting the same way as a dog that has been beaten too many times and can no longer trust humans.

And this can be easily seen as weird and antisocial when I'm looking at the walls and ceiling and everything else but the person I'm talking to, it just helps me concentrate when I can stare at something that gives my eyes things to do. I'd probably be counting people's nose hair and get distracted by that if I stared at them.

Being stared at overall makes me highly uncomfortable because of being an introvert and HSP.

And me being sensitive to things is also a HSP thing + migraine.

The overstimulation and sensory overload I feel because of HSP is different to those with autism. I have a filter, I can stand that into certain levels but the filters fills up faster than non-HS people’s and then I just start seeing and hearing everything. I’ve understood that people with autism don’t have this kind of filter and when they go to places with lots of stimuli happening all around, they can’t take it the second it happens. In my case I can stand it even when the filter is full but if I don’t get peace soon, I usually get irritated and eventually end up with a headache.

I just wish they would give me an opportunity to explain why I think what I think and didn't just suggest medications for this and that. I mean this psychiatrist already was talking about meds and how he could suggest me a anxiety medication and how "some medications do cause the feelings to go numb, unfortunately". Me on my ANTIDEPRESSANTS was like having depression without melancholy. I couldn’t focus even that little I now can.

How did I end up with an Asperger’s diagnosis, then? I think it’s all just a misunderstanding and professionals understanding my words the wrong way and focusing too much on how I’m on the outside rather than actually paying attention on what I say is happening inside my head. So far I've got social anxiety and generalized anxiety disorder on paper. With the latter I've been living since early childhood and I got the diagnosis when I was 28. And when I went to a psychiatrist last time with this anxiety shit (I was 22), I was desperately looking for a diagnosis with anxiety and what did I get? I got told I can't get therapy if I don't eat medications because "it does not work without meds and we don't have any resources for that", and only when I actually was so mad I finally stood up for myself and said "I'm not going to put any kind of pill into my mouth ever again so f this is all about medications, I guess we're done here." and was already ready to leave and that's when the doctor was a bit baffled and I swear she sounded a bit annoyed when she asked what would have I wanted from therapy, then.

They did not take me seriously, they saw just the social phobia that I told millions of times not being the problem. Me not leaving the house because I was so afraid of accidentally having low blood sugar was not social phobia. I wasn't afraid of people stealing my blood sugar you know??? But they thought I needed group therapy and it was the only solution and there I could also get therapy, even tho I told them I don't like forced socializing and I don't want to go there. They still booked me an appointment with people from that group therapy thing and I legit felt like we'd have sat in that meeting room for days until I'd say "okay I will try it". It literally was just them trying to talk me over to try it. And I went to this thing a couple of times until I messaged them that it's not my thing, I'm not coming there anymore and that's why they cut contact with me because I didn't accept the offered therapy method. And afterwards I went to see my information on the website with medical information and nearly fell of the chair because it said I had been diagnosed with Asperger's. With my mom we actually came to the conclusion it’s because they needed some kind of diagnosis to be done in order to get in that group therapy but I am still stuck with this stupid diagnosis that no doctor now is willing to take away! I'm sure my stubborn behaviour and "I don't like people in places like these" was what made the psychiatrist think it must be Asperger's. They were and still are only worried about people not being able to be a part of the society and an individual has to change instead of trying to make the society better place to live for everyone.

The previous doctor I had for 5 years (ages 17-22), at that time my dad was going to Asperger tests a few times and we all were certain that he has Asperger's too but nope, he doesn't. And at that time we all were also interested in knowing if I have Asperger's and I asked about it from that doctor and he immediately said nope, he doesn't think I have that at all. I also was to neuropsychiatric tests when I was 22 and there were some things, mainly about social skills and emotions and feelings and my "obsessive-compulsive" behaviour they thought supported the Asperger's. My explanations again: Social anxiety. I have problems with emotions because my dad has anger issues and I only lately realized I'm afraid to let all the feels come out because I'm afraid of losing control and accidentally hurting myself, someone else or breaking something. And I don't want that, I need to be in control of myself at all times. I also find it hard to cry because I feel like I can't cry hard enough, I should literally cry my eyes out for it to be efficient. When I thik about anger, I think I just see in my head how my dad reacts to it and I don't want to be like that. So I keep it all in and only way to let it out is by channeling it into something else, like writing, drawing or playing video games. (This is a HSP thing but could also be ADHD thing.) I have the results of the and everything they say about me understanding social cues wrong... I think that's it, they think I don't understand them when it's just because of the heavy bullying that made me unable to trust anything other people do or say. I'm actually good at reading people, I don't have trouble understanding people's facial expressions. I myself don't really use facial expressions because it's a self-defense mechanism, I'm not "allowed" to let people see how I feel. Also social anxiety made me really think i was the center of the world and everyone who laughed, was laughing at me, and combined with bullying, I felt like everyone was talking about behind my back and I just felt so hated because it WAS the truth, but I also was sure that also people who don't know me, do that. So me misunderstanding social cues and those were not typical Asperger's but just caused by bullying and being hated by everyone, and excessive loneliness which sometimes felt like I was going crazy and started having voices in my head because I just needed to have a conversation. I still sometimes think friendships work like they did when I was a teenager because that was the last time I've had an actual friend group or even actual friends. I mean friends who I can actually meet with. Only one of those people is still in my life and we live about 2km from each other but still we meet like 1-2 times a year because we always keep talking about how we need to meet and then don't meet. Rest of my friends I know through internet and I’d so much want to meet but can’t and I can only try and guess how I’d work in situation where I’d be in the same room with them because I no longer remember how that even works. That’s how lonely I am because I can’t get to use social skills outside of the internet that much like, ever. I also had to do lots of learning with social situations when I got over the worst parts of social anxiety, it prevented me from learning things you learn as a teenager because I'd enter panic mode when someone talked to me and then spent the rest of the day analyzing it and wishing I was in control and did something differently. Same thing happened with the antidepressants, 5 years of my life without emotions and feelings. They were taken away when I was 17 and then I got them back when I quit the meds and was 22 and suddenly I should have needed to know how to deal with adult emotions.

So, long story short, bullying left me with inability to read other people CORRECTLY but that does not mean I wouldn’t be able to read people. Nowadays I don’t do the mistakes that much anymore, I sense people’s emotions very easily and I mirror people. I might be weird but it’s not because I would act weird or use weird, inapproprite facial expressions. I enjoy being weird so when I do that, it’s usually because of my sense of humour just not matching with other people’s. But there’s still people who DO understand it, it’s they usually just are not neurotypical.

[askbountyhunterjones]

caffeinatedcapi said:  Saw the gif first and thought you wrote “Bunny Hunter” XD And for links, idk if I’m just blind, but I’ve had trouble finding the inbox link, so I usually have to type “/ask” into the url. And the links you do have feel a bit cluttered? Maybe for like Oscar’s & your RP blog, maybe have a link for “related” (or a better name; I can’t think of one rn) with other links on a page in there caffeinatedcapi said: And tbh, this is a personal thing, but gifs/moving bgs on blogs can give me a headache or even cause a small tick attack (stim attack? I haven’t been diagnosed w anything and don’t know what to call it) if I’ve been having a high-stress day or am already overstimulated. Just mentioning it in case there’s other followers with the same problem.                 

@caffeinatedcapi​

((lol went from “Booty” to “Bunny” huh XD

((Ahh- these are all valid points! You’re not the first to mention having trouble finding the askbox- Personally it looks like it’s more of a pc issue as app and web view on mobile will place my ‘Ask Me Anything’ tab to be first. While the tumblr layout chose will place the default tabs last.

The thought of it being overly cluttered did cross my mind before but haven’t been able to decide on the route to go about it. Probably could use the ‘Index Blog’ to help with some of that. (a page of redirected links.)

Far as background- yeah, it’s been long overdue for a change- bg gifs is such a myspace age and lazy me hasn’t been able to settle on something better =w=; You’d think with a graphic design degree I could do better but truthfully I suck when it comes to designing my own stuff cuz I can never settle to one thing- then I give up and go back to the initial idea.

[lorddeddie]

eene: befriending edd hcs

A/N: kid was rad. i related to him a lot and still do a lil- i actually had a tooth gap way back when too before i got braces and yes, it whistled. never could really work the beanie look tho and i lost my nerdness some time after middle school. now im just a big dumbo.

also; kind of veered off while writing this i think and i feel like i sorta lumped in the other eds too? eh. this is my first time writing for them so it was mostly just me getting my feet wet. hope none of this is too ooc

enjoy bbys

- you were a new kid in the cul-de-sac; your ‘rents slid into some well paying jobs and could finally afford a house in a quaint neighborhood

- you found out it wasn’t so quaint on day one when three kids tried to con you out of your pocket change

- of course, you’re a bit clever so they couldn’t pull the wool over your eyes and it just led you to getting to know: the eds

- you find yourself slightly more chummy with edd though

- he’s a major brainiac, but you’re able to keep up with him. for the most part

- you try to remember some of the many factoids he says in a day and it’s all pretty damn interesting to you

- even if some of it was hard to understand or hold onto

- you voluntarily help him with experiments and he enjoys the company, mostly because you’re the only assistant that hasn’t caused some kind of chemical fire or completely botched his work

- you find out quick he’s pretty bashful when you point out how his tooth gap whistles sometimes when he’s worked up or re-enunciating something to someone. he lit up like a christmas tree faster than you could say sorry

- he’s also a major neat freak, so you try to respect that. even if it’s hard to (he’s noticed you’re a bit of klutz sometimes)

- he actually values your input very much. especially because you’re the only one so far who tries to understand and contribute to his ideas

- the only thing you’re really able to do with the stuff he’s taught you is make corny jokes (like horrible pickup lines and puns)

- but he loves them and you get him cracking up every time. and ed and eddy are always wondering what the hell was so funny

- you have in fact asked about the hat

- and why he wears it all the time

- you’ve managed to get a mumble along the lines of messy, messy, messy but you think that’s all you’ll ever get as an answer

- you tend to spend a lot of time with the eds, or at edd’s place and you notice how much edd is home alone

- you ask him how he feels about it but he just shrugs it off. his parents are busy people is all!

- it just makes you more active in sleep overs and hangouts with the eds

- the thought of being alone that often gets to you (your own parents come home every night, maybe really late some days, but to your knowledge edd’s rarely do and no one should be alone that much. the sticky notes everywhere also add to your opinion on the matter)

- at school, you sit with the eds at lunch and get a lot of help with homework from edd

- you try to partner up with him as much as possible (you struggle a lot with certain topics and get easily distracted, so what better person to have than a nerd in your corner)

- you’re actually pretty good at sports and body block for edd during dodgeball (you’ve caught more than one fastball meant for his face and you know you’re in kevin’s dead dork book)

- you spent a pretty penny on a new microscope for edd once (you used your summer savings to get it) and he nearly fainted from glee

- he promised to get you something you really wanted on your birthday as well

- he’s actually very easily overstimulated and prone to headaches, and you found out the hard way when you and eddy were getting a little too rowdy one day

- he snapped before quietly apologizing and excusing himself to go home. you coaxed him into letting you walk him (whereas eddy just huffed and waved his friend’s behavior off)

- edd told you about the headache issue on the way and how he is usually able to sit through them better

- you’ve become a pro at reading when he’s getting one now

- his habit of bringing hand sanitizer everywhere has rubbed off on you

- you got him to switch hats with you once when you wore a snap back to school (he swapped hats so quick you couldn’t see what was under his beanie. but a tuft of hair stuck out the broad rim of your cap the entire day and you still try to get him to just reveal this weird secret of his)

- you notice that when edd goes on an uninterrupted tangent, he never wavers while speaking. you think he’d make a good public speaker

- he’s asked you why you have braces before and you just gave a pearly grin that showed off the shiny brackets glued to your now mostly aligned teeth and said “Because the whistle.”

- you couldn’t stop laughing when he realized what you meant (that you had a tooth gap too once) and self consciously slapped a hand over his mouth

- he wasn’t good with teasing but he knew your jokes were all lighthearted at best

- you have sleeping issues so you either go to eddy’s (you learned he had rough luck with nightmares most nights) or edd’s for help

- edd is able to help get you into sleep mode easier; he does the whole warm milk and story time granny shtick. but with a thick book on greek mythology

- during sleepovers, it’s hard for any of you to settle down but for some reason, you’re always the first one to go out like a light. it was like clockwork

- thankfully edd makes sure that ed and eddy don’t mess with you when you knock out

- you like to remind edd that he’s a great, considerate pal. mostly because of how often eddy gets him riled up

- you envy the eds friendship really and how they all fit together, but you’re glad they’ve made a mix shift spot for you