#they keep scheduling me 6+ days in a row so it starts to feel like that is quite literally all I do

[yuribalisms]

I am so…. Fucking sick of this job

[abby-howard]

You mentioned deadlifting to prevent wrist and back pain/injury when drawing👀 I was wondering if you could share your workout routine if you haven’t already?

Definitely!! I love talkin about it haha. And I'll preface that this is just what I do, but if you want a professional's advice, I've heard good things about the book Draw Stronger by Kriota Willberg.

Tony and I usually work out 5/6 days a week, three days of lifting and two or three days of cardio, with at least one rest day a week. I always make sure to do a cardio warm up before lifting, between 15-30 minutes of either the stationary bike or rowing machine. That's what I have available, you can also run or do jump rope or whatever gets you goin'! Sometimes when it's a just-cardio day we go for long walks and talk about work. Good stuff gets done on those walks 👍

Our lifting routine is arm day, leg day, shoulder day, and we usually do 5x5 sets of everything-- so five sets of five reps per workout.

I sprinkle in farmer's walks really often, which are the best for wrist strength!! Especially if deadlifts are too intimidating (deadlifts are super good for your grip strength and back, but can be a bit scary because it's usually a high weight.) You just hold a weight in one hand, pretty much the highest weight you can hold while keeping your shoulders level, and walk in figure 8's (for balance) until your arm gives out. Then switch arms. Any time my hand starts to feel iffy, I do more farmer's walks and it helps!

More specifics under the cut:

On arm days we do mostly bench press and bent-over dumbbell rows, sometimes with abs worked in (I like to do windshield wipers or whatever it's called, where I hold the bar like I'm doing a bench press then bring my legs up on either side until my abs give out.)

For leg days, we do barbell squat and deadlifts. It's also fun to do the slam balls as part of leg day >:] Where you pick up a heavy ball and throw it down and scoop it up in a squatlike motion. It's a fun one!

There's ALSO a time-efficient leg workout I do when we're on deadlines where you do three minutes of wall sits in total, and can take as many breaks as you need, but for every break you do ten bodyweight squats. It usually leaves me feeling like jello.

Shoulder days are focused on lat pull-downs for me and pull-ups for Tony (I can only do pull-ups with a counterweight ToT), then shoulder press (where you sit up and lift a weight over your head.) It's good to pair opposite motions like pushing/pulling! I think we also tend to do bicep curls on these days? They're a grab-bag of whatever extra stuff we want to do.

This schedule is not super rigorous, but is enough that I push myself to do something almost every day while usually not being so exhausted that it cuts into my work. It's the kind of thing that I can keep up for the rest of my life, which is what I'm interested in! Maintaining a routine to protect my joints and mobility for as long as I can ✌️

I used to see working out and the gym in general as something I was punishing myself with, and that meant it was a miserable part of my day and working myself up to it was a mentally exhausting task. But Tony has been really helpful in shifting the way I view working out as something more like regular maintenance, and of course it helps that I found something I could work towards getting better at, which is strength training!

So while I recommend that artists work in some arm strength exercises, I do feel it's about finding something that feels like a part of your routine rather than something you dread doing every day.

[twstfanblog]

*~Period Drama~* Saturday

A/N: So I sneezed, which is why this is out before the RSA series chapter lol. But I'm gonna have a lot of fun with this series I can feel it. Word Count: 4.7K (Wow, around the same as the last part) Warnings: Period mentions, Blood mentions (Drawing blood) She/They OC Pronouns Pairings: Azul/Reader (Poly), Jamil/Reader (Poly), Platonic relationships with Floyd, Jade, Ortho, and Crewel. Enjoy! Start, Part 1 (Here), Part 2 (Heartslabyul), Part 3 (Savanaclaw), Part 3.5 (Diasomnia pt.1), Part 4 (Diasomnia pt.2), Part 5 (Pomefiore), Part 6 (Scarabia)

Jamil, Azul, Jade, Floyd, Grim, Ace, and Deuce stood outside of ramshackle, some of them sitting on the wooden steps. Waiting as patiently as they could for Crewel to give them a final order. No more than twenty minutes had passed before Crewel opened the front door. He looked their group over, coming to some sort of choice before he smacked the palm of his hand with his crop, “Octavinelle pups, you stay. The rest of you go on with your day.” “Wait, what!?”

“Sensei!”

“Why does he-”

Crewel smacks his palm again. The crack somehow perfectly balanced with the harsh shush he gives them, quieting the protesting group instantly. His glare softens at seeing their crestfallen faces, “Yuu will be in contact. I need to gather up the needed potions and resource materials. But for now, They’re resting and it would be best to have someone in the house with them. Both to get them whatever they need and to keep unwanteds out. Ergo, the Octavinelle mutts.”

Jamil frowns but doesn’t speak up. He knew that he would probably have damage control to do in Scarabia. Najma most likely called Kalim in confusion from his call, not entertaining the thought of actually waiting on him to explain his bizarre question. Kalim would have only half the story and no context which was worrying enough, so he was clearly panicking and amassing the other Scarabia students for a witch hunt. He should stop at Scarbia before going back to basketball practice…

Deuce steps forward, imaginary puppy ears drooping as he mutters out, “Is Yuu at least okay? I didn’t see much, but it looked like a lot of blood…”

Sighing, Crewel walked down the stairs, gently patting Deuce on the head as he passed, “They’re fine, pup. I’m going to gather the Shroud boy and then prepare a proper medical report. As far as we should be concerned, this is completely natural for Yuu, if a bit painful.” He reached into his coat, pulled out his pipe kit and started to fill it as he walked away, “But for now, Azul, Floyd, and Jade are to look after them until I come back. You other pups are to return to your scheduled activities and tell no one about this.”

Ace looked to the side nervously, thankfully unseen by anyone before he nodded and started to make his way down the path behind Crewel. Deuce sighs but nods, calmed by the info that Yuu was okay at least. He jogs down the path after Ace, none of them are really surprised when muffled yelling could be heard a little down the way.

Azul looked out of the corner of his eye, catching Jamil giving him an intense glare. He knew Jamil was upset at the turn of events, the very fact Azul was picked over him would be enough to anger the Scarabian student. Let alone being picked by their lover’s pseudo-father figure as their keeper. He turns entirely to him, smiling and opening his mouth to pacify his lover-in-law before Jamil interrupts him.

Jamil turned his back on Azul, walking down the path to get back to campus. He quickly scooped Grim into his arms, ignoring the monster hissing and fighting his grip, “Just make sure they eat something high in iron.” That was all he said before he was also gone from view, walking past the row of trees acting as a fence of the property.

Silence passes the three students before Azul squeals, smiling wide and pumping his fist, “YES! He trusts me! You both saw that! He gave me his faith that I would tend to our lover. It’s only a matter of time before I can talk him into transferring!”

Floyd rolls his eyes, walking back into the house with a snickering Jade behind him, “Either you take care of my Shrimpy or they’ll kill you themselves…” he mutters under his breath, pout turning into a frown as the scent of blood hits him harder inside.

Jade’s own mirth decreases at the smell. He hums looking around the dorm. Yuu wouldn’t want the windows open, not to mention the smell would simply travel over the campus. The last thing they needed was Malleus smelling Yuu’s blood in the air. Seven could only think of the disaster that would bring. He looks up the stairs, only half listening as Azul enters the dorm to bicker with Floyd.

“-fact you would insinuate I wouldn’t take care of my pearl is insult enough, Floyd.”

“Ehe~? I just said Shrimpy wouldn’t let you slide with shitty service. You scared of a little blood Azul~?”

“I will dock your pay-”

“I’ll go sit with Yuu, keep them company.” Jade smiled over his shoulder, already walking up the stairs. He pauses halfway up the stairs, tilting his head at their stares, “Unless I’m allowed free range of their meal?”

Floyd instantly perked up, rushing to the kitchen whining with a glare at his brother, “No way! You’ll make some weird mushroom thing that’ll make Shrimpy even sicker!”

Azul stays for only a moment before he follows Floyd, giving Jade one last look, “Do make sure my pearl is in good condition. If you can wake them up, ask if they would like a bath.”

“Will do.” 

Jade parts with Azul, walking onto the second floor and toward Yuu’s room. He rested his hand on the doorknob and breathed in deep. Yuu’s blood was interesting, he’s always found it to be since he first smelled that foreign flora that no one could place. But that didn’t mean he wanted to smell it so strongly. He took in another deep breath in hope if he smelled it thoroughly enough the tightness of worry would loosen in his chest. Once calm he creaked the door open, knocking on it gently as he peaked his head in, “Yuu, I’m coming in.”

A simple groan answers him. That was acceptance of entry enough for him. He closes the door behind him and walks to sit in the armchair, moving it just a foot or so closer to the bed. Yuu had rotated since he last saw them. Now lying on their front with the blanket uncovered to their calves, arms wrapped around a pillow and eyes closed. If it wasn’t for the brief moments of their eyebrows creasing in pain, Jade would think they were perfectly fine.

A few minutes pass before Yuu opens their eyes, vision slightly hazy from pain, “Hi.”

“Hi.” Jade smiles, leaning forward to poke their cheek in greeting, “I’m guessing whatever is going on is quite painful?”

“Very much, yes.” They groan, snuggling into their pillow, “Periods are a bitch.”

“Azul said something about that. ‘Period’. That’s what it’s called?” When Yuu confirms, he leans back into the chair, humming under his breath. Now that things had calmed down, Jade couldn't help but call the whole scenario interesting. Finding differences in biology was always a fascinating venture, “Tell me about it.”

“Are you sure? It’s kinda gross and like…as you saw, pretty bloody.”

Jade chuckles, raising a hand to cover his mouth coyly, “I already said I want to know! Please don’t tease me in such a way!” He preens, feeling a small wave of pride at hearing Yuu laugh.

“You’re so weird…Alright.” Yuu angled herself to look over to Jade, raising an eyebrow, “What do you wanna know?”

“Is the bleeding just the first step of it? Do you gain internal injuries to produce the blood? Is the pain a result of-”

“I’m gonna just…stop you right there…” Yuu took a moment, trying to not laugh again, not wanting to change their towels yet, “So…Periods are weird because I feel like I'm injured but it’s all natural because of hormones are whatever.”

“Your hormones make your internal organs stimulate injuring themselves?” he takes a moment to look around the room. Standing up to grab a notepad and pencil from Yuu’s desk before returning to the armchair, "We have basic health classes in middle school. But I've never heard of hormones causing internal bleeding."

“Eh…more like the hormones jumpstart a refreshing process? Not so much internal bleeding.” 

Jade smiled wide, his pencil poised to write down every word they said, "Do tell.”

Azul texted Crewel to bring an iron supplement potion along with the pain potions. Yuu didn’t have any food besides snacks and her childish cereals, how Floyd managed to find enough items for a seafood alfredo was nothing short of a miracle by Azul’s standards. Sure it wasn’t high in iron like Yuu needed, but it would be warm and something for her to eat.

They were still worried. How could they not be? Their dear friend was a floor above them basically bleeding out from an intimate area that shouldn’t be bleeding. Crewel’s behavior had calmed most of their nerves, Yuu strangely wouldn’t lie to Crewel nearly as much as she would any other teacher. And Crewel wouldn’t be half as calm if something had actually happened. But as Floyd had said to him, ‘It still felt gross’. All of them forced to twiddle their thumbs and wait for Crewel or Yuu to give them all the facts instead of just dismissing their horrific theories.

Floyd scooped the pasta dish into a bowl, as Yuu preferred it, shoving a fork in it and walked past Azul. He didn’t bother to listen to Azul tell him to stop and wait for Yuu to get up from her nap or call for them. He didn’t want to. The only reason he cooked instead of Jade was because his brother couldn’t be trusted in a kitchen alone without shoving mushrooms into something. At least not while Azul was as distracted as he was. But he was just as worried as the others, Yuu was his Shrimpy. He’d share with his brother and Azul. But as far as he was concerned he was doing just that, sharing. Shrimpy was his to look after for as long as she hung around him. And he was already in a bad mood from earlier thinking he had failed her.

“Floyd, Yuu might still be sleeping, we shouldn’t bother them.” Azul scolded him, trying to keep his voice down while making sure it carried a harshness.

“Don’t care. I wanna check on Shrimpy…”

Azul kept quiet before he sighed. He pulled out his handkerchief, if Yuu was still sleeping he could cover the bowl so they could eat later. It would be lukewarm at best, but it’d be clean and ready for Yuu when they woke up, “Fine. Let’s go check on them…”

Floyd didn’t bother to knock, opening the door one-handed and ignoring Azul’s groan behind him, “Shrimpy~, you awake?”

Yuu rolled over, smiling with an edge of weariness, and waved, “Hi Floyd~.”

“Shrimpy!” Floyd nearly dropped the bowl onto the bed sheets, moving to hug and squeeze his best friend. The scent of blood was still strong but just knowing that his friend was okay was enough to keep him in a positive mood. Pulling away, he passes the bowl properly to them, “You doing alright?”

Yuu smiles as Azul moves quickly to place his handkerchief onto her lap, a small comment on the bowl being hot. She kept eye contact with the cecaelian until Azul turned away with a blush. But, she does place the bowl on her lower stomach, the heat helping more than the boys knew, “Thank you for the food. And no, I’m in pain.”

Floyd’s relaxed expression instantly changes, dropping into a frown and downward brows, “Why? What happened to make you bleed like this Shrimpy? If we were in the ocean you’d be a chum magnet…”

Jade looked up from his notes, “Muscle tension.”

“Huh?” Both Azul and Floyd turned to him in confusion.

Jade taps at the notepad, showing the lines of neat handwriting with various questions sprinkled around it, “Yuu’s body is physically pushing the blood out by contracting their pelvic muscles. The involuntary spasms are causing some intense muscle cramps.”

Azul frowns, his hand moving to press on their stomach, almost trying to feel the sensation, “When will it stop? Losing this much blood can’t be good for you…”

Jade looked over his notes, sighing at his findings, “Yuu says this lasts four days normally for them.”

“Four days?” Both Azul and Floyd exclaimed, worry evident in their voices.

Yuu smiled, leaning against their pillows, “Seven is the standard.”

Azul whips his head back to Yuu, eyes wide and glasses nearly falling off his face, “Seven!?”

“How do you stop it?” Floyd looked the most distressed out of all of them, simply looking at Yuu’s lap with poorly veiled concern.

“Oh, Azul, you’ll love this.” Jade beamed, eyes reading over his writing, “This is apparently happening because Yuu didn’t get pregnant.”

…

Floyd turned to look at Azul, voice deadpan, “Azul, hurry up and knock Shrimpy up so we don’t have to deal with this.”

The scandalized look on Azul’s face makes Yuu burst into laughter, blood be damned. The cecaelian stuttered out a rambled form of scolding and excuses on how he couldn't 'Knock Them Up' and how it was no one’s business what he and his lover did in the bedroom. He only grew more flustered seeing the smiles on the twins' faces, knowing they were internally mocking him and his distressed state.

He snaps his fingers, a golden contract appearing beside him. Gripping it fiercely, he points to the four names signed at the bottom, "In any case! Per our official ‘Quad Agreement’, only Draconia is allowed to impregnate Yuu and that's not even in effect until they’ve both graduated!" With another snap, the scroll was gone, leaving Azul huffing and crossing his arms.

Yuu quiets their laughter, reaching out a hand to hold Azul’s, " Aw~. Are you mad you can't give me an octo baby?"

"I'm mad because you're in pain and the one way to stop this is something we can't do for years!" Azul does loosen his arms, both hands coming to cradle their outstretched one, "You've been acting odd all week before this whole bleeding mess even started. We were worried…"

Floyd pouts, resting his head on Yuu's shoulder, uncaring of how far he had to bend, "You punched me for trying to give you a piggyback ride, Shrimpy. Really hurt my feelings."

"You had seemed quite lethargic the past few days." Jade gave a worried smile, tone clear in just how concerned the past events had made him.

Yuu looked at all of them in shock, looking at the slowly cooling bowl of pasta before they covered their mouth. The room was silent until Yuu closed their eyes and tried to fight back the whimper threatening to leave their throat.

"...Yuu-"

"You guys care so much about me…so much…" Yuu lets go of the bowl, both hands fanning at their face as their eyes well up with tears, "And I've been such a bitch to you." Their voice cracked and slid into a high-pitched wail as the tears started to fall.

Jade’s eyes widened, his mouth opening in a silent gasp as he quickly shared a panicked look with Azul, " O-oh, oh no."

The cecaelian babbled, stuttering under his breath and hovering his hands over Yuu’s body. He wasn’t sure if Yuu wanted to be physically comforted, or even touched, “Yuu? What’s wrong, are you in more pain? Do you need me to call Crewel!?”

Floyd hesitantly pats at Yuu’s head, not wanting a repeat of being sucker punched in the face the last time he touched an upset Yuu, “There, there Shrimpy. Just eat your food…”

Still crying, taking shaky breaths while gathering a collection of noodles and seafood on their fork, “You guys are so nice to me. And I’m a bad friend…”

Jade was subtly leaning away, pressing his back deeper into the chair as he eyed Yuu with mild suspension, “No…You’re a perfectly good friend to us, Yuu.” Hormonal changes would explain Floyd’s notice of Yuu’s scent being 'off'. He assumed the different levels had only affected their body as they had stated. But it seemed their emotions were also being affected. A moody Floyd is something he grew up with, he knew every tell Floyd could give. A hormonally moody Yuu was new and dangerous territory as far as Jade was concerned.

Even with their reassurance, Yuu’s tears wouldn’t stop. The three males grew more uneasy, simply watching their friend bleed on her bed and eat lukewarm pasta while she softly cried. They shared a look between the three of them before Azul stepped forward, a nervous smile on his face while he gently caressed her hair.

“It’s…it’s ok my pearl.”

Yuu looked up, sniffling pitifully before pressing her head into his hand, “I’m sorry I’m so mean to you…”

Azul chuckles, pressing a kiss to their cheek before pulling away, “It’s ok. I will admit, I do like when you’re a bitch.”

The sweet air was gone in a second. Yuu’s crying stopping as though a switch was flipped. They glared up at Azul, “Did you just call me a bitch!?”

“...” Azul looked to the side then back to her, pulling his hand back, “I-”

“So you think I’m a bitch!?”

“No?” The confusion in his voice was clear. He looked at the twins who were just as puzzled, the two eel-mers quickly shrugging at his silent question as to what he did. 

They also had no clue how to proceed. Yuu would normally either let them in on, or at least make their goal clear when they toyed with Azul. But this sort of rapid-fire mood change was not in their MO. It was even more so than Floyd could keep up with.

Yuu turned back to their pasta, tears coming back full force as their anger disappeared, “You’re lying to me…”

“...Would you feel better if I thought you were a bitch?”

“What is that supposed to mean!?”

Hours later, Floyd opened the door, disheveled and pouting at Crewel and Ortho, “Knifejaw…Hurry up and fix Shrimpy. They’re really mean like this and I’m sick of it.”

Crewel raised an eyebrow, walking into the dorm and waving a hand to send Ortho up before him, “Are they? More so than normal?” He said it with a jovial air, teasing his student since his own moods were the things of nightmares.

“Yes. If I felt like it, I would beg. I can’t handle them like this…”

“...”

Well, that was concerning… Floyd followed Crewel back up the stairs. Opening Yuu’s bedroom he realized that Floyd wasn’t kidding. Next to a standing Ortho Yuu sat on the bed, now cocooned in one of their blankets in Azul’s lap. Tear tracks on their cheeks and angrily sniffling between hand-fed forkfuls of pasta. Azul was sweating, oozing a nervous energy as though he were defusing a bomb and not feeding his lover. Jade sat in the far corner, chair pressed against the wall as far back as it could be and furiously writing notes.

Ortho beeped, eyes showing he was smiling under his mask, “Body scan complete! No external injuries are to be found!” He leaned forward, wrapping his arms around Yuu and resting his head on them, “I’m so glad you’re ok, Prefect Yuu!”

Floyd huffs from the doorway, glaring at the display, “Oh, he can hug you but I get punched if I try?”

Yuu glares, eyes just peaking through Ortho’s flaming hair, “I could never hit Ortho, he’s baby.”

“Prefect Yuu is right, I am baby.” the smug tone was just barely heard through Ortho’s normal frequency of cheer. Looking up his bright yellow eyes meet Yuu’s, “Oh! Just so you know, Ace told the rest of us what was going on in our group chat. Though Crewel-Sensei told me that no one was supposed to know. In his defense though, the timestamps show Ace gave the information before Crewel-Sensei gave the order to not tell anyone.” 

Yuu looks over to their phone on the nightstand, groaning at the wall of texts they’re sure is waiting for them, “God damn it.”

Sighing, Crewel waved his hand, “This is very cute, but Ortho you’re here for medical purposes. Let’s not get distracted.”

“Right!” Ortho stands up straight, holding out a hand as his other arm morphs to produce a syringe. “Prefect Yuu, may I have your arm to take a blood sample?”

Even though it looked like that was the last thing Yuu wanted to do, they managed to remove their arm from the blanket cocoon to place in Ortho’s waiting hand. Looking away while Ortho set to work finding a vein.

Crewel walked to the bed, grabbing a potion from his coat and uncorking it in one fluid movement, “How are you feeling, pup?”

“Like I’m in pain. The same as two hours ago. What kind of fucking question-” A fork full of pasta and sauce was shoved into their mouth, cutting them off from cussing out their teacher/father. Azul smiled timidly when Yuu’s glare snapped to him. Muttering through their food as they chewed, “Don’t you ever fucking try to silence me with pasta, again.”

Waiting until Yuu had swallowed and taken a breath, Crewel shoved the opening of the potion bottle to Yuu’s mouth and forcibly made them drink it, taking care to not justle their arm while Ortho drew blood. He adored his pup. But he was not going to sit idle and let them bark at him like they had the right, “That’s nice sweetie. Take your medicine, you’ll feel better.”

He only let up once the flask was empty, pulling away and placing the glass back into his coat. Yuu’s glare slowly softens, tense body finally relaxing in Azul’s nervous hold. They sigh, dropping their head into the crook of Azul’s neck, nosing into the flushed skin before pulling away to rest their cheek on his shoulder, “Sorry…about threatening your life and stuff. Forgot how bad cramps were…”

Azul, slowly wrapped his arms around them, nuzzling into their hair, “It’s…ok? So long as you’re feeling better now. Were you truly in that much pain?”

Floyd hums from the doorway, folding his arms, “I guess I can give you a pass then. I don’t like being in pain either, it’d make me just as crabby as you’ve been…”

Jade nodded from his corner, but made no move to come closer, “And it’s been nearly 6 hours since the supposed start of all of this. Does the pain really last the whole cycle?”

Yuu nods, “Yeah…I normally take pain meds when I realize it’s started so I don’t feel the worst of it. I take another dose either daily or just when I feel the first dose wearing off. But I didn’t have any potions in the house so I was gonna nap it off until Sam got my order.”

“All done!” Ortho spoke up, the vial of blood being placed in a secondary pouch for safety. Morphing his hand back, he placed his hands on Yuu’s lower stomach, tingles of something pulsing from Ortho’s fingers as he performed another scan, “In the most scientific phrasing you can, tell me what’s going on so I can add it to your file.”

Without missing a beat, Yuu answered, “My vagina is internally peeling and the liquidated lining is being pushed out.”

…

Ortho closed his eyes and stood up straight, arms resting at his sides. Turning around he walked out of the room, brushing past Floyd and closing the door behind him.

“...” Azul looked at Yuu, the horror from earlier that day returning to his face full force, “Your what is what now!?”

The sound of Jade’s pencil scratching at the notepad starts up again, muttering under his breath about needing more paper. Rushing to the desk and flipping through notebooks for a clean page.

Floyd simply looked sick by the door, the visual refusing to leave his mind.

“You know…” Crewel chuckled under his breath, more annoyed than mirthful, “That would have been a wonderful nugget of knowledge to have two hours ago.”

“I would have loved to not be in pain for half the day, but we don’t all get the raisin butter, do we?”

“Yuu.”

“It is really that different here?”

“Does blood come gushing out of female anatomy for a week? No, no it doesn’t. Yes, it’s different, puppy.”

Yuu sat quietly, looking down before raising their gaze back to Crewel, “I should probably learn more about the biology of this place…”

Crewel shook his head, annoyance clear in his expression while he pulled out folders from his bag, “Yeah you really should.” muttering under his breath about a ‘Dumb adorable dog’ as he slapped the papers on the bedspread, “So to start, there is a similar process-”

Floyd, opens the door, “Yeah, I’m leaving I’m bored and kinda freaked out.”

“Bye, Floyd! Sorry for punching you again.”

“Bye, Shrimpy~! Don’t bleed out!” He slammed the door behind him.

Jade sighed, standing from the armchair, “I should make sure he’s not doing anything too destructive. Best of luck to yourself, Yuu.”

Yuu waves to him while he leaves the room. They look to Azul, raising an eyebrow in question, “You wanna leave too?”

Azul mused for a moment. Female health classes weren’t something he was required to know, nor wanted to know. Anatomy in the Coral Sea was extensive enough, adding on surface world versions couldn’t be too different in hindsight. He might need the info later on in his life, maybe for a deal. Maybe to use it for a creative writing class, would Yuu find it distasteful if he wrote about their period in a horror setting?

“Azul?”

“I’ll stay.”

“Fine.” Crewel smacked his crop in his hand, twirling it to make the papers float and act as a PowerPoint, “Since you scared away the Shroud boy, I’ll have to do it this way.” Pointing toward a digraph of a uterus he spoke, “Luckily enough everything seems to be the same hardware-wise if your previous medical scans are anything to go by. Though, because you don’t have magic in your world, your bodies evolved a more… physical process.”

“Are you seriously telling me you bitches don’t get periods because you have magic?”

Azul slowly lifted a forkful of food to Yuu’s mouth, shakingly offering it like a sacrifice. He found that food was an easy way to calm their seemingly blind rage. He’d have to ask Jade for his notes later since he was too busy trying to keep Yuu and Floyd from fighting each other. He softly breathes a sigh of relief when Yuu lets him stuff the food into their mouth.

Crewel watched the exchange silently before continuing, “Yes…The process here is done normally after a day at most. The body’s natural magic will flare up and revitalize the uterus lining instead of…removing it.” He waved his crop, a photo of a body and various systems replacing the first example, “As I’ve told you before, everyone in Twisted Wonderland has magic naturally in their body’s cells simply from the magical byproduct of our world. So even if someone can not do magic, their body can still store magic to perform such cycles. It’s why scarring is so rare. Seeing how with modern medicine and the body’s cell restorative magic, healing has reached an almost perfect standard.”

Yuu was quiet, looking over the visual examples as Crewel continued his impromptu lecture. Leaning forward, they sighed out for so long it had morphed into a cry. They simply pushed away from Azul, ignoring him when he tried to comfort them. Turning away, they landed face first into the mattress and cried into their pillow. Through their sobs, muffled by the cushion they yelled, “This fucking sucks! I can’t even bitch with anyone else about how much this hurts!”

Azul looked at them in worry, barely noticing the red smears on his pants, “My pearl? Do you want pasta? Pasta makes it better right?”

“Azul, I’m getting real tired of you trying to feed me. I’m not a fucking wild horse you can soothe with delightful seafood pasta!”

…

Crewel raised an eyebrow, gesturing to the offered bowl in Azul’s shaking hands, “So do you not want the pasta-”

“Yes, I want the fucking pasta!”

[https-harlow]

Fight The Feeling Prologue- Part 6 Stressed out & More Surprises

Summary- Urban gets you to surprise Jack on his Creme De La Creme tour, when he realizes how much Jack misses you. When Urban calls you to ask if you could fly out, he realizes how much you also miss Jack when you open up to him.

Word Count- 2.3k

Requested by @heavyhitterheaux 💖

After you and Jack got back from Paris, Jack finished his tour rehearsals, and it wasn’t long until his tour started, and you had to go back to Los Angeles for work. With Jack being on tour and in a different city almost every night, you only got to see each other twice in the two months Jack had been on tour. Once because you happened to have a photoshoot in the same city, but your photoshoot was during the day and Jack’s show was at night, so you only got to see each other for a couple hours. The second time was because you managed to fly out when Jack had a day off, but both of those visits were very brief and towards the beginning of his tour. 

It had been at least a month since you saw each other and while you were both struggling with it, Jack was really struggling. He didn’t want you to know though, he obviously hid it from everyone who didn’t know you were together. You two had told a couple of your close friends you were together, but it was still a secret to most people and you both intended on keeping it that way. Urban was the only one who truly knew how Jack felt.

Jack was stressed out and he missed you, he had been counting down the days until tour was over, but he still had almost a month left. Urban had never seen Jack like this before, and Urban was determined to make Jack feel better and he knew just how to do that. Urban called you when Jack was distracted and working, hoping you would answer.

“Hey, what’s up.” You said, setting your phone up as you answered Urban’s facetime. It was obvious you had been crying, but you tried to hide it as you quickly wiped your eyes.

“Hey, are you okay?” Urban asked, immediately concerned for you.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You lied, but the way your voice cracked gave you away.

“Were you crying?” Urban asked and you nodded slightly, hugging your knees to your chest.

“Please don’t –“ You said as your eyes started to water again. “Please don’t tell Jack, I’ll be okay.” 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Urban asked, not wanting to bring up why he called until he knew you were okay.

“I’m just fucking stressed out. I feel like I keep telling Claire I want a break, but she keeps scheduling stuff. I just want to see my boyfriend but every time I have enough days off in a row to fly out, she schedules something else. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job, but it just feels like a lot sometimes. I was supposed to have today and tomorrow off so I could fly out, but Claire scheduled a last-minute photoshoot, but they went with someone else right before I was supposed to leave so now, I don’t have work, and I can’t see Jack.” You said as you cried, wiping the tears from under your eyes.

“I feel stupid for crying but I just feel overwhelmed. I know Claire wants what’s best for me and she doesn’t know that I want to see Jack, but I just feel like sometimes she doesn’t care about what I want. I know I can say no if I want to, but I don’t want to say no after she’s already scheduled something. I also don’t want to tell Jack how I’m feeling because I don’t want him to worry about me. I don’t want to bring his mood down because he should be enjoying his tour so every time we talk I feel like I’m putting on an act. What is it? One more month until tour is over? I can make it one more month.” You said and Urban sighed.

“I’m sorry. You have every right to feel upset and you should tell Claire no when you don’t want to do something for whatever reason it is. I know you don’t want to tell Jack, but I think you should consider it, he cares about you, and he wants to know how you are feeling. Plus, he misses you too. Jack’s been grumpy because he misses you too, which means everyone else is also struggling.” Urban said, joking, trying to make you laugh. “Jack doesn’t want you to worry about him either, but that’s actually what I was calling you about.”

“Jack’s struggling too?” You asked and Urban nodded.

“Yeah, he misses you a lot. I wanted to see if you could fly out to surprise him. I’ll figure everything out, so no one finds out about you two. I think seeing each other will be good for both of you. Just tell Claire that you want to do a photoshoot with me or something. That way she thinks you’re still working, and it gives you an excuse to fly out.” Urban said and you thought for a second.

“Yeah, I’ll fly out. I think you’re right, I need to see Jack. I’ll feel a lot better after.” You agreed. “I miss you too, but it’s different.”

“I know, I miss you too though, flying you out is 75% for Jack, 25% for me.” Urban joked. “When can you fly out?” Urban asked.

“I’ll figure it out and let you know tonight. Thank you for letting me rant to you. I think I needed to get that out, I feel better already.” You told Urban.

“No problem.” Urban smiled at you. “I’m your friend and that’s what friends are for. I do think you should tell Jack how you feel. I know he hates being away from you too, but I think if you two talked to each other about it, it might help. I do get what you mean though about not wanting him to worry about you, but I know no matter what Jack’s worried about you.” Urban said and you sighed softly.

“I’ll tell him eventually. He should be focused on tour, not me. I’ll be fine.” You reassured Urban and he sighed but nodded. 

A few days later, you managed to rearrange your schedule with a little bit of Urbans help, so you could fly out to see Jack. You flew in at night while Jack was still preforming since he had a show that night. You got your own hotel room like you had previous times, but you knew you would be staying in Jack’s.

You had been waiting in your room when Jack and Urban got back to the hotel. Jack immediately went up to his room, while Urban pretended to go to his own room but made his way to yours. Urban wanted to see you before Jack stole you for the time you were there.

Urban came up with the plan of waiting for Jack to facetime you and waiting for Jack to notice you were in the same hotel. You would have been okay with just going and knocking on the door, or simply telling him you were there, but you went along with Urban’s plan. 

You greeted Urban and the two of you caught up for about 30 minutes before Jack called you, so Urban hid so he couldn’t be seen by the camera. 

“Hey babe, how’d the show go?” You asked as you answered the phone.

“Hi baby, it went good. I miss you.” Jack said. “Where are you?” Jack asked, noticing the new room you were in, but not realizing it was practically identical to the one he was in.

“I’m in a hotel.” You said, glancing over at Urban, waving him over. “My friend wants to say hi.”

“Oh, Madison’s there?” Jack asked and you shook your head. “Zoey?” Jack asked and you giggled as you shook your head.

“Do you want to keep guessing or do you want me to show you?” You teased.

“Show me.” Jack said, and you turned the Camera to show Urban who was sitting on the chair in the room while you sat on the bed. 

“Oh, hey Urb.” Jack said before realizing. “Wait. If that’s Urban, does that mean you’re here?” Jack asked, sitting up from how he was previously laying on the bed.

“Maybe.” You smiled, standing up from the bed and making your way to Jack’s room, Urban following behind you. Jack met you halfway in the hallway, instantly wrapping his arms around you, lifting you off the ground as you hugged him back.

“I missed you so fucking much.” Jack said, burying his face in your neck. 

“I missed you too.” You said, Jack moving to kiss you. 

“I can’t believe you’re here.” Jack said. 

“You’re welcome.” Urban said, standing next to you and Jack.

“Thank you.” Jack said, smiling at Urban before putting his attention back on you.

“Uh, Y/N, can I have your key?” Urban asked as Jack placed you back on the ground.

“Yeah, why?” You asked, taking the key out of your pocket to hand it too Urban.

“Because my room is next to Jack’s, and you two haven’t seen each other in a month and I’d like to get some sleep.” Urban said, you blushed, and Jack laughed.

“Let me get my bag out of there then it’s yours.” You said, and within 10 minutes you were lying in bed with Jack. Jack was holding you close, almost as if he was in disbelief you were there and was afraid to let you go because you might disappear.

“I missed you so much.” Jack said again, playing with the ends of your hair.

“I missed you too.” You said. “Urban said you were grumpy without me.” Jack laughed softly.

“Well, I wouldn’t say grumpy. But I do feel better when you’re here.” Jack admitted.

“Well, Urban said you were grumpy.” You teased. “I feel better when I’m with you too.” You sighed softly. “I like the privacy of our relationship, but I wish it was easier sometimes you know?” You asked and Jack nodded. You had moved so you were leaning against the pillows and Jack was laying his head on your chest. You ran your fingers through his curls.

“I think we’re doing the right thing, but just because it’s the right thing doesn’t make it easy.” Jack said.

“I wish it could be.”

“Me too. All I want to be able to do is show you off, let everyone know your mine. One day I’ll be able to, because I’m never letting you go.”

“One day all of this will be worth it.” You said and Jack nodded in agreement, tilting his head up so you could lean down slightly and kiss him. “I think I might be able to fly out for the final show.” You told Jack. You hadn’t been sure if you could previously, but you took Urban’s advice and told Claire no to a photoshoot she wanted you to do so you could put your relationship first.

“Really?” Jack asked excitedly.

“Yeah, I might not be able to be there, or I’ll have to stay hidden, but I’ll have a longer break so we’ll at least be able to spend some more time together.”

“When do you leave this time?” Jack asked, a question he didn’t really want to know the answer to.

“I’m here tomorrow since you have the day off, but then I have to leave the next day.” You told Jack.

“Oh.” Jack said, pouting slightly.

“Let’s just focus on the fact that I’m here.”

“I know.” Jack sighed. “I just wish you could stay longer.”

“Me too.” You sighed softly.

“Once we do decide to go public with our relationship, I’m never going anywhere without you again.” Jack said and you giggled.

“I don’t think I’ll complain about that.” You said, looking down at Jack, seeing how his eyes were closed. “Tired?” You asked and Jack nodded.

“Yeah, kind of. Can I fall asleep here?” Jack asked.

“On my boobs?” You asked and Jack nodded. 

“Yes, they are comfortable, and I haven’t seen them in a month.” Jack joked and you laughed softly, shaking your head gently.

“Now, we both know that’s a lie, but yes.”

“Okay fine, but it’s the first time I’ve seen them in person. I know your shirts still on, but I’ll be taking care of that tomorrow.” Jack said, his hand resting just underneath your shirt.

“Go to sleep before I change my mind.” You teased and Jack laughed, sitting up slightly to kiss you before laying his head back down on your chest.

“I love you. Thank you for surprising me tonight.” Jack said, glancing up at you.

“I love you too, you can thank Urban for making it happen, but I’m so glad I’m here.” You told him before you both said goodnight and fell asleep. 

The next day you two focused on catching each other up on what you had been doing since the last time you saw each other. Jack told you about his tour and some random stories that he thought you would like while you told him about a few of the photoshoots you had done, even showing him some sneak peaks at the results of the photoshoots. Even though you and Jack had heard all of these stories over FaceTime, you both listened just as intently as if you hadn’t.

Even though Urban would have been able to sleep the first night you were there, you and Jack were too tired and just focusing on enjoying each other’s presence to do anything more than a lazy make out session when you first were alone, the second night he wouldn’t have gotten much sleep.

Knowing this was most likely the only time you would see each other until the end of Jack’s tour made it hard to say goodbye when you both had to leave, but you two spent as much time together as possible. Unlike Urban’s thought when you first came to surprise Jack, Jack didn’t completely steal your attention all weekend, so you got to spend more time with Urban too, but you never left each other’s side. 

Both of you felt a lot better after seeing each other and Urban was glad that he could help both of his friends. 

Your relationship had its downsides, trying to keep it private was one of them, but ultimately you loved each other enough to continue to make it work, like you said to Jack, one day everything would be worth it. One day you would let the world know about your relationship and not have to keep secrets anymore. You just didn’t know how you could be so right about something, but so wrong at the same time. 

Tag list @jackharloww @harlowcomehome @nattinatalia @hoodharlow @itsyagirljaz @heavyhitterheaux @harlowsbby @awhore4moree

[wouldntyou-liketoknow]

Day 4: Burst Vessels

(Disclaimer: two of the characters in this story belong to me. For more information on Garret, go here. For more information on The Newcomer, go here. For my personal headcanons on Murdock, who belongs to the Markiplier Cinematic Universe, go here. And if you’d like to learn more about the mob these guys all work for, go here.)

(As usual, I got tons of help developing the main character of this story from the amazing @sammys-magical-au ! Please go check out their blog and stories!)

(Trigger Warnings:  blood/gore, murder/death, strangulation, descriptions of illegal business, mentions of animal cruelty, mentions of gambling, mentions of alcohol, superstition/paranoia, strong language. Please let me know if I missed anything.)

Day 1 Day 2 Day 3 Day 5 Day 6 Day 7

___

As usual, the alleyway was dark. It was kept in the casino’s shadow during the day, and by night, the towering lights built in the parking lot simply couldn’t reach all the way back here. 

The only technical source of illumination was the thin glow that outlined the back door that led to the storage room, and even that was dim and flickering. 

Nothing at all like the radiance of the playing floor, where wide pendant lamps hung over tables to cast the dealers in a sort halo. 

Where the rows of slot machines on one side of the joint all practically thrummed with vibrant colors that blinked in programmed patterns.

Even so, the shadows weren’t too much of a problem. Garret’s schedule was nocturnal more than half of the time, after all. 

A staticey, prickly sensation began to flicker in-between Garret’s fingers as he applied more pressure. It didn’t take very long for the feeling to become somewhat similar to how a Charlie Horse felt in the leg muscles, but it wasn’t going to stop him. 

He simply ground his jaw and pushed the pain aside, squeezing at his impromptu target’s neck even tighter than before. 

The other man’s skin no longer felt pliable, the way human flesh should feel. Instead, it now reminded him of leather. Oddly warm leather that was wracked with an obvious, struggling pulse. 

So long as you were strong enough, choking could knock out the average person in as little as ten seconds. And, in a way, that had already happened here.

But Garret refused to let the unconsciousness truly take hold.

That was why he kept making ever-so-slight adjustments to his grip. 

He wanted to force the target’s eyelids to keep desperately fluttering, to make him keep writhing in his clutch, to make keep trying and ultimately failing to get enough oxygen. 

This target was a fucking scumbag, and Garret wanted to see when he died.

___

“So.” The deep, questioning tone of Garret’s voice all but drowned out the little chorus of clink-clink-clinks shuffling through the yarn in his hands. The knitting needles gently swayed to and fro as he made the finishing touches to the small, human-esque figure that lay on his desk. 

Unless you counted the pale green tint of its material, the doll was completely featureless. Blank. 

…Of course, it certainly wouldn’t stay that way. Voodoo dolls needed to resemble certain people, after all. As of right now, Garret wasn’t aware of anyone nearby who needed a little dose of that kind of misfortune, but it never hurt to have a template ready to go. 

“You want to start out for the night? Or do you want a little extra practice?” He asked, looking over at the figure who sat on the opposite side of his desk.

The same one who he’d been instructing on the rules of certain games, how to properly deal, how to properly play…as well as how to cheat at those same games without getting caught. 

Despite this, it’d been impossible for Garret to not get up and pace just for an excuse to look over his guest’s shoulder each time they wrote. For at least the sixty-nine-thousandth time, an itch had manifested somewhere in the back of Garret’s mind. An itch strong enough to be reminiscent of a brainiac tick who’d discovered that a blend of salt and poison ivy could be to bugs what crack-cocaine was to humans. 

That itch was the reason he’d survived so long in the underground business, had been welcomed into The Pentas  Family, had discovered more than a few wannabe moles before they could cause trouble…

So far, however, The Newcomer really had been jotting down notes, just like they said they would. They’d dedicated a few blank pages to gambling etiquette, sets of rules, varying card values for games, obvious tells and how to avoid them, etc. 

With a nod, The Newcomer closed their journal with a small snap! and slid it into the backpack they’d brought along (the fabric was which was white and black, boasted a print that portrayed a hodge-podge of newspapers).

There was a flicker of anxiety in their gray eyes, but that still mixed well with their curious energy. “I think I’m ready.”

“Alright, then.” Garret nodded, pushing the half-finished voodoo doll into a drawer, where it would patiently wait for the day someone fucked around and found out enough. He stood up from his chair, cracking his knuckles as he strode over to the door, holding it open for The Pentas Family’s freshest member. 

Technically speaking, Murdock was responsible for mentoring The Newcomer…but then, part of that mentoring did involve introducing them to his accomplices, having them learn all the mob’s various ways of business. It wouldn’t hurt anyone for him to leave them with a colleague while he focused on something else. 

Besides, the social-anxiety-incarnate mask he wore to hide his true self in public wouldn’t exactly fit in with the atmosphere of a place like Itchy Palms.

(Sure, casinos were kinda-sorta infamous for having customers stumble out in a cold seat, filled the air with panicked muttering about how they’re going to pay for a mortgage or whatever, but still.)

The cacophony of whooping and hollering, electronic jingling and buzzing, even the smallest dice plunking down on tables seemed to drown out footsteps against the marble floor.

Garret led The Newcomer down the corridor, moving further and further away from his office until the two of them turned a corner, facing the wide, crowded space that seemed to stretch on and on. 

Employees, all dressed in uniforms that were almost similar to Garret’s typical attire (a white vest over a silvery button-down and black slacks. The main difference was that, where they had bowties, Garret had his hand-made, maroon-dyed scarf.), flitted about the chaos. Some were manning the tables, others were carrying trays full of drinks to the gamblers at said tables. 

Watching a random customer carrying a few handfuls of chips close to their chest as they weaved through the crowd, Garret remembered to reach into his own pocket, tracing his fingertips along the edges of the glass Evil Eye charm he never left the house without. He kept walking, and The Newcomer kept pace beside him.

“Which game do you want to try first?” He wondered aloud, glancing at his charge and gesturing to all the options. 

The Newcomer pursed their lips, carefully glancing about. They folded their arms across their chest and drummed their scarlet-gloved nails against one bicep. “…How about Poker?”

Garret hummed. “Good choice.” Having memorized the layout of the floor, he hooked a left to guide them over to the table in question.

…Or, what they could see of the table, at least. A crowd of customers had gathered around it to watch the current game. It was already occupied by a batch of six players, all shifting in their seats and watching as the dealer shuffled the deck. 

Once he was close enough, Garret opted to lean against the wall, careful not to touch any of the decorative paintings and photographs that were displayed on it. “Let’s wait a minute. When the session is over, I’ll give that dealer an early break and run it myself.” 

The Newcomer nodded. “And once the current players leave, I should sit on the far-right, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Garret replied with a smirk. 

When it came to poker, the rules could vary from location to location. But the cards were almost always dealt in a counter-clockwise fashion. The person on the right would get some extra time to, say, subtly watch the other players. Wait for a card they wanted. Pretend to drop something on the floor so they could hide a good card under their leg until they were ready to use it. That kind of stuff.  

The Newcomer rocked back and forth on their heels. “So, uh…you want to play Pool while we’re waiting? Or maybe darts? They both look fun, and I’ve been hoping to practice at either, but I just haven’t gotten a chance until now.” 

Garret tilted his head. Part of the way he squinted at them was appraisal, since it seemed they  weren’t much better with awkwardness than he was. (Which was WAY more of a relief that he cared to admit.)

Another part, meanwhile, wondered if they’d suggested darts because they’d just cooked up some harebrained scheme to earn an extra stripe via giving him an extremely unconventional nipple-piercing. 

Just before he could respond to their idea (whatever it truly was), however, he felt a quick, small tap against his shoulder.

After flinching, he looked over to discover that one of his younger employees—she was part a group of college students who’d coming looking for summer jobs, and therefore NOT one of his in-the-know workers—had come to hover a couple feet away. 

“Ah, Mr. Wyre? Sir?” She asked. “I really hope I’m not interrupting anything, but…I think we’ve got a situation going on outside.” 

Garret had been about to reassure her, but that made him give pause. As everyone needed to somewhat raise their voice to be heard in here, it took no time at all to hear the generous dose of nervousness lacing her tone. “...What kind of situation?”

“Attempted trespassing, I think? Maybe loitering and vandalism, too?” The employee then heaved a sigh. “...He’s back. I managed to keep him out while I was working the door, but he clearly hasn’t left yet. His car’s still in the lot, and I’m pretty sure he’s somewhere out back…”

Garret’s lip curled into a slight snarl as he realized exactly who she meant by that. 

A huffy, greasy man who was definitely the subject of many online stories courtesy of the dealers who were subjected to him. While he wasn’t the first person ever placed on Itchy Palms’ blacklist, that still wasn’t saying much. 

In the span of one evening, he’d made sure to A. nearly damage one of the chip-machines beyond repair in an effort to claim he hadn’t been given the correct amount, B. spew all sorts of filth toward several dealers until he had an opportunity to throw a couple drinks on one, C. pissing himself all over the seat, and D. try to outrun the consequences of his actions, only to end up getting himself caught because he apparently just couldn’t resist grabbing a shoe that had happened to fall off of one woman’s foot during a game of Blackjack, then ducking into the men’s restroom to huddle in a corner and lick the inside of said shoe like a popsicle. 

All that wasn’t even his first rode; that was just the night he’d gotten the third strike, AKA an excuse to literally kick him through the main entrance and onto the pavement outside. 

…And yet, Garret could never remember his name. So, to compensate, he called him Blister Ass, because the only way to accurately describe the guy’s personality and mannerisms was to simply think of a sentient hemorrhoid. 

With a sigh of his own, Garret corrected his posture and nodded. “Alright, then. I’ll take care of this.” 

“Thank you,” the employee murmured before scurrying off back to their shift. 

(Now, most people might think poorly of her for not asking to call the police. But then, those people should remind themselves what kind of business she’s working for. Gambling was legal in the Cove Port Inlets, which meant that the cops hardly ever bothered with the place. Or several other places, for that matter. Besides, even if the entrance to Garret’s abandoned-subway-tunnel-den well-hidden, having to deal with cops definitely wouldn’t do his nerves any favors.)

Rolling his shoulders, Garret started walking yet again. He crossed the playing floor, strolling up a light ramp that led into a practical field of slot machines.

All the while, The Newcomer followed him a bit like a puppy, because...well, they'd been sent here to learn some tricks from Garret. Where else were they supposed to go at the moment?

After maneuvering through the rows of glowing, buzzing money-devourers, the two of them found themselves sidling behind the cocktail bar and into the storage room behind it.

Sure enough, as they drew closer to the back door, as the choir of chaos that no casino could really exist without got more and more muffled, Garret's ears picked up on shuffling and crashing that seemed to echo through the alleyway outside.

But that wasn't what made him quicken his pace and use a bit more force than strictly necessary to fidget with his scarf.

No, that honor went to the sick, wheezing, perverted-sounding laughter that he caught alongside the din...as well as a bout of yowling.

A high-pitched, non-human cry of pain and fear that was gut-wrenchingly unmistakable...

___

Finally, Garret felt Blister Ass’ throat collapse. 

He felt tendons tearing loose, felt the thyroid cave in on itself with a uniquely soft combination of pop and crunch. To anyone else, the sound would have been nauseating. But to him, it was just business as usual. 

Even if this particular hit had been neither assigned to him by The Boss nor ordered a client who was willing to agree to one of The Pentas Family’s contracts. Still, Garret knew this would be profitable in the end. Although Caliban and his organ-trafficking skills were out of town at the moment, that didn’t mean his other peers couldn’t help take care of such things…well, except for anything inside Blister Ass’ neck, that is.

Blister Ass’ head partially lolled to the side, his mouth gaped open as pulpy blood came pouring out. More dark, metallic fluid—Garret knew by instinct that it was crimson, but it looked black in the darkness—started to pour from his nostrils and ears. 

It all dribbled down the target’s skin and clothes, eventually trickling over Garret’s hands.

 It felt hot and slimy and awful, but he barely noticed. He wasn’t going to release his grasp just yet.

Not…until…

Garret leaned closer to his target, forcing him to maintain eye-contact. It was this closeness that allowed him to hear how some tiny, fleshy structure went snap! just behind Blister Ass’ bulging eyes. 

One by one, the vessels inside those horrified, watery orbs burst. The sclera white tissues were quickly clouded over as red spots seeped through from the inside, growing and spreading until they were both completely red. 

As if on their own accord, droplets of blood squeezed their way through Blister Ass’ tear-ducts, soon forming a pair of thin, glistening rivers to slide down his face and join the rest of the mess. Barely a second later, the man’s eyes finally, finally rolled back up into his skull. 

There. 

That was it.

Garret loosened his aching fingers, drawing his hands back. The corpse slide down against the old concrete wall he’d been pinned against. He crumpled into a heap, still gurgling, but not twitching.

The odd sense of calm he typically felt when carrying out jobs was already beginning to fade, slowly-but-surely letting his usual paranoia to spread its roots through his system.

He spent a second or two scowling at the stains on his hands…only to stiffen as he saw movement out of the corner of his eye. 

The Newcomer sidled closer, lowering their head to signal cautious respect as they held out one hand toward it. Upon closer examination, he realized that a clean handkerchief waiting in their scarlet-gloved grasp. 

“Oh, thanks,” Garret murmured, plucking the cloth by one corner before scrubbing at the mess on his knuckles. 

“No problem,” The Newcomer replied, a small smile creeping across their face.

That smile crumpled, however, as a low, soft mrrowhh seeped into the air. They readjusted both hands, keeping their movement slow and gentle as they looked down at the shape Garret now realized was being cradled to their chest.

A little black cat huddled just below The Newcomer’s collar, shivering badly, its ears flat, its yellow eyes wide and frightened and hurt.

A hollow ache sear through Garret’s stomach. He took a careful step closer, leaning down to examine the feline. “...Do you think anything is broken?”

The Newcomer shrugged, swallowing a visible lump in their throat. “It doesn’t feel like anything is out of place, but I can’t be sure.” They hesitated, then slowly extended their arms, offering the tiny bundle of dark fur to Garret. 

Garret didn’t question this. Didn’t even think about questioning this, or about how surprising this act was for him, considering his typical superstitions. 

But then, he’d never believed in the stigma surrounding black cats. As far as he was concerned, black cats were just as innocent as any other domestic animal. 

Black cats didn’t deserve to be pinned against cold concrete with a grimey boot pressing down on their tails while the sick son of a bitch attached to said boot slapped at their little faces… 

The cat’s fur was warm against his (now clean, thankfully) palms. He carefully titled it—uh, her to and fro, checking to see if he could find any lacerations, or if any legs looked to be at an unnatural angle. 

After a moment, he sighed and untied the knot of his scarf, carefully adjusting it to make a sort of blanket-cocoon for the feline. 

Trying to keep his breathing under control, Garret watched as The Newcomer quietly slid their backpack off their shoulders, rummaging through own of its pockets until they fished out a spare body-bag. 

They must’ve heard the approving hum on Garret’s part, as they mentioned, “I texted the cleanup-crew when you were starting on him. They should be here in about ten minutes or so.”

“Damn,” Garret said, unable to help but grin; even if they still had a lot to learn, it was clear that Murdock had been training them well.

He then cleared his throat. “Well, we’re gonna have to keep watch until they arrive.”

“I figured.” The Newcomer made a lame-gesture. 

There was silence for the next couple minutes. 

“So…” Garret chewed his lip, glancing back down at the black kitten. “Would you mind if we picked up on your game-practice another day?” 

The Newcomer blinked, but an air of understanding soon flickered through their features. The local veterinary clinic was just a few blocks away, after all. 

(Plus, Garret could never just go directly home after a job. That would just be asking for something to go wrong along the way.)

“Yeah, I’ve got no problem with that.” They reached over to carefully stroke one finger along the kitten’s head. “...Are you gonna keep her?”

“Ah—I’m not sure,” Garret answered, shifting in place. That statement was a lie; he already knew that he didn’t want to let go of her. Not for a long, long time. Not until he knew that she was in a place that was nice and secure…

The Newcomer seemed to almost read his mind, because they offered a playful smirk. “Well, if you do, Snare might have an occasional playmate. Wouldn’t that be adorable?” 

A rare chuckle fluttered through Garret’s teeth. 

“...Yeah, it would,” he admitted.

“Plus, I’ve always heard that rabbit's feet are pretty lucky,” The Newcomer went on. 

“Even if Snare’s a hare?” Garret asked, raising an eyebrow. “Even if Cal would eviscerate anyone who tried using him to test that theory out?”

“Hey, whoa, I never implied anything like that.” The Newcomer held out their hands in a defensive gesture. “No-one ever said that notion can’t work when the foot is still attached to the lapin. I feel like they would be even better for warding off bad juju.”

Something ticklish manifested in Garret’s mind, only to creep down his neck and settle on top of his heart. 

“Juju…” He echoed, looking back down at the kitten, who kept cuddling closer to him, her shivers finally seeming to slow down a bit. 

@sammys-magical-au @flaming-dolph16

[comfortlesshurt]

July 2024 Plans!

I'm trying something new to see if it works for keeping me more consistent, so don't mind me.

Still insanely obsessed with Keith Kogane so uhh... sorry, that's all you're probably going to see from me this month if you read my stuff.

General Goals:

Get more comfortable with writing shorter fics instead of pushing for record word counts

Work on finding better end scenes for fics

Brainstorm for some longer multi-chapter fics for the future

Newly published word count: 19,920/15,000

Come up with a consistent writing schedule before August

Drafting priority - aim for the minimum viable amount of initial editing (then go back and refine everything in September)

Whumperless Whump Month:

7/1 (emergency first aid) - published

7/3 (like a record, baby) - published

7/10 (your work is never finished) - published

7/16 (say goodbye to filters) - published

7/19 (the whump morning after) - published

7/30 (I don't mean to get emotional) - published

Looking into 1 or 2 more days between the 19th and the 30th, but I haven't picked any yet! (Got sucked into another project and moved on to that!)

Really pushing to finish the days on time for this and move on no matter what at the end of the month. No completionist attempt here!

Bingo Prompts from @builder051:

Addiction/withdrawal - published along with whumperless whump fill

Self-surgery - published along with Whumperless Whump fill

Outlines for 3 other TBD squares, but unlikely to finish those fics in July (I'm short on my projected word count goal for August, so I'm expecting to get these finished and posted then)

Apologize profusely for taking 6 years to get to this

Augusnippets:

By mid-July, decide between path of hurt and path of whumperless whump

Resist urge to say I can do both because I simply cannot

Complete all outlines for chosen path by end of July (did I say outlines? because I accidentally made rough drafts for all of these instead)

Draft the first week by the end of July (I suspect work will be busy in August, so we're getting a buffer ready)

July and August are both planned writing months, but I'm expecting to take September to publish less and focus more on editing some stuff I've posted in the past without polishing as well as I could have. I also think I'll burn myself out if I try to write a ton three months in a row, so this just works out well.

Quick overview of the rest of 2024:

July - Whumperless Whump Event focus

August - Augusnippets focus

September - 1 or 2 short fics and a big round of editing my backlog; start to get a detailed outline on my Klance series

October - Whumptober focus

November - NaNoWriMo (either original fiction or a longfic I've been outlining, depends how I feel by October)

December - probably a heavy editing month (I want to get that NaNoWriMo fic edited so it can start to be published as we ring in 2025, but that probably means I won't publish anything new in November or December)

[nathank77]

8/20/24

8:59 a.m

My insomnia was a bitch last night. I had to double up for the first time in 2 days. I'm willing to tonight after putting in much effort but the following day I'm SOL I won't raise my tolerance. It'll come down to weed tomorrow worse case.

I fell asleep by 1 a.m... it's really getting to me.

Let's go over my potential subclinical hyperthyroidism symptoms:

1) Insomnia....

I dont think there are others...

-muscles twitching: seems directly related to metopolol and have seemed to slow down and almost stop since stopping the meds.

-pooping: has went back to 2-3× a day. The 5 times that one day was directly linked to having over 39 grams of fiber in one day.

- Sweating/Heat intolerance: Not suffering from those.

-Heart Rate: Seems to be within normal range.

- Frequent Urination: I mean I drink a lot of fluids. It can easily be the explanation. Before bed I drink a cup of tea with my cigarettes.

-weight loss: my caloric in-take is low. I would be losing weight like a mother fucker if I was hyper.

-Anxiety: well I mean insomnia triggers me so much it's always extreme.. and okay so my thyroid nodules gave me anxiety randomly last night. Maybe we can say my anxiety is worse..... but idk it could also be that I care about myself and my sister had thyroid cancer and I didn't want to process that my thyroid grew another nodule despite it being smaller. And of course, my thyroid is of major interest to me atm bc of being sub clinically hyper..

- Appetite: I've had a slight increase in appetite but it seems normal. Every 4-6 hours. When I was hyper I was hungry every 2 hours... now I just feel hungry when I think a normal human body should.

Okay moving forward from that:

- is xanax losing its effectiveness? I don't think so but it crosses my mind.. yet some nights it works fine.

- or is my anxiety bad right now and it's keeping me from falling asleep quickly..

- is it the game I play before bedtime. It's fun it's call ice age adventure. Elise if you're here idk if your kids are too old to enjoy it but I think it's super fun and cute and they may love it. Nonetheless it's bright. And I play right before solitaire. It could be effecting it.

circadian rhythm: is it being effected by multiple nights of falling asleep later due to insomnia despite all the efforts I make to keep it so I can fall asleep by 11:30 p.m..

- then I think a wild thought what if my body is like if we don't sleep he will give us more? I mean it seems stupid cause it knows damn well that sure 2 days in a row I will but day 3 you're fucked. I'll make you pull an all nighter. I'm keeping my circadian rhythm I'll throw myself in the attic at 2 a.m if you won't sleep.

Gaming isn't a factor I haven't been gaming all my youtube videos are a week or 2 old being posted on a schedule.

Yesterday I had one red bull at 8 a.m. I had my v8 energy drinks too but stopped them at 2 p.m....

I mean I have had more tv time. But I mean of course I have. I'm running through my list of things to do and 90% of it at this rate costs me money I don't have so I can only do so much.

- bo4 hardcore barebones starts today. I have therapy and a physical. And I'm doing laundry so I can't really enjoy it today but starting tomorrow I'm going to be all in, I set up my week so I can enjoy it for as many days as possible. Although I have to go grocery shopping tomorrow.

- I am worried about money. Idk.

I suppose if I struggle tonight and tomorrow I'm going to do Methimazole everyday bc at that point I can't find another cause but it seems weird that it could be related to subclinical hyperthyroidism when I slept when I was hyper.

I don't think xanax is losing its effectiveness

I actually think my circadian rhythm has been thrown off too many nights in a row and maybe my tv is still a little too loud. If I turn it down anymore- the voice is going to be all i hear....

Maybe I can try being scared on YouTube on my tv with a sleep timer. His voice is low. And now my mental pictures are all sorts of normal and weird and I have control of them.

But yea I'm feeling hopeless. I'd rather follow my Dr original advice...but at some point as I take out the potential other causes it might be the only factor.

I think trying a lower TV show might be helpful. American dad has a lot of singing and screaming. It could be disrupting my ability to fall asleep or stay asleep. Technically I could be falling asleep quickly and waking up minutes later bc of a loud sound....

Or maybe it's just my circadian rhythm being thrown off. IDFK but I'm weighting every potential cause.

[tamiveldura]

I'm autistic and have ADHD, and I'm a chronic illness spoonie, and I'm here to tell you that A System is your friend. You don't have to write every day. You don't even have to write once a week. But you do need a system or routine that you can activate when it's Project Time.

I have been writing to-deadline for about 6 years now. I have never missed a deadline, but a few of those first ones were skin-of-the-teeth and I've been perfecting my systems ever since so that never happens again. I can't handle the stress.

The deadline is not a healthy motivator. Though my ADHD peeps will agree that it is effective. I've spent the last 6 years figuring out how to avoid Crunch Time.

The answer is a system.

I do not write every day. I do not track wordcount. I tried both of those and they don't work for me. (Maybe they work for you. Try it, but try other things too. Don't force it.)

Your system will be unique to you. But you'll figure it out by trying other systems on until you assemble the pieces that work.

My process looks like this:

Idea or deadline: either I've thought of a genius plot or I've chosen to tackle a project with other people (like a multi author series, or an anthology). Both of these trigger a new file in my scrivener wherever the story belongs.

Setup: I have a brainstorm document, an outline document, a draft document, a notes document. These keep the project contained.

Ideating: most writers really love this stage of a project, it's where all the great excitement of discovery lies. I dump all of this into my brainstorm document.

Plotting: works very well for me. Might not work for you. I organize all the tangled things in the brainstorm document into a structure. I check the beats of my chosen tropes. I hunt down plot holes. I scene block characters and action sequences in very rough terms just so I have large movement gestures. Emotional arc.

Drafting: not my favorite task, NGL. I dictate the initial draft and it's not good. I'm not trying to come up with beautiful words and amazing turns of phrase. I could, but it would make this part take 10x as long and it doesn't need to. Often this is a very dull series of simple sentences just to work my way through each scene. My goal here is to literally convert the plotting notes into the correct tense and sequence of events. Nothing more.

Revision: I like this part because I don't have to do the heavy lifting of "what happens next?" I already know what happens, now I get to make it pretty

PWA: proofreading. Not my strongest skill, so I use Pro Writing Aid to jumpstart me. It really helps with passive voice, which I'll slip into when tired.

Editing: paid. Not everything gets a paid pass. Some works go on submission. Others are released naked into the world. I do a lot of short stories.

Publishing: formatting, cover art, audio art, uploading, audio upload, newsletter announcement, promo scheduling, etcetcetc

Ok so these are the general steps of authorship, but what is the dang system?

The system boils down to two things:

1: days I decide I'm working

2: days I decide I'm not working (number 1 can turn into number two if it's a bad day)

By default I work Monday-Friday from about 1 pm to 4 pm. Weekends are off. Any day my husband comes home early gets cut short. Any day he is off I'm also off. Any day I wake up with no spoons, I'm off. Any day I realize I'm feeling stressed, I look at the calendar to check deadlines and book a week off. I take a week off after every novella or novel, but I'll go two or three short stories in a row. I take December off, usually starting at Thanksgiving and ending a week after new year.

You may be seeing a trend here. I take a lot of time off. It turns out, when I started giving myself the time I needed to rest and read and relax without guilt, my output on workdays skyrocketed.

Side note: you are probably not living with a sugar daddy paying the bills. I'm really fucking lucky to have funding in my corner. But REST is a requirement and you must do your very very best to protect your resting days/hours to the death.

Tami, I hear you say, what is the system? The writing system. The system that keeps you getting up every Monday-friday and having the energy and attention (if not the motivation) to work every day on the book?

Rest is the system. But the system is Deliberate. The system is Attentive. The system asks: is today a rest day? If yes what storytelling are we consuming to refill the well for our next workday?

It's not restful to doom scroll Tumblr "looking for inspiration." It's not restful to binge 6 seasons of Survivor in two weeks. Both of these things have their place, but when was the last time you deliberately planned your rest to be fulfilling and recharging? When was the last time you gave it any more thought then "I'm just tired."

The first day I decided to rest on purpose, I slept for 12 hours straight. The next couple of weeks were solidly 10/11 hours per night. That has since eased up to about 9 or 9.5, but it's 9ish Every Single Night. Before I decided to rest, I was only giving myself 6 or 7. Did you know some symptoms of chronic exhaustion are indistinguishable from dementia? I had no idea how much sleep I really needed.

If you're still here (I appreciate you), this is where we get to the work. You have rested. You have refilled the creative well. You wake up and decide Today Is A Writing Day.

Cool. Open the document and read your most recent chapter to figure out where you left off.

Take a glance at your notes or your outline if you have one.

What scene sounds fun today? Start writing that one, [put brackets around anything questionable] or that you have to look up later (do it later!) and as soon as you come to a point we're you've exhausted the initial energy of the day: STOP.

Write a few notes to yourself about where you think this is going next. And put it all away.

Congrats, you've probably been writing for 20 minutes. Maybe 50 if you had a good run. Perhaps you managed more than 1k. Maybe. I can only break 1k/hr when I'm dictating.

But Tami, the book is NineHundredThousand words long this will take forever.

Yeah, it will. It's a novel. But if you rest and you refill the well first, you will have more and more and more workdays.

You wanna write a book in a year? You're running a marathon, but you've gotta build up your muscles. It takes months, years, to train for a marathon. And you know what a marathon runner needs to train well and hard?

REST.

Writing Tip - What ‘Habit Over Motivation’ Actually Looks Like

We’ve all heard the writing advice that you can’t rely on motivation to get you through writing a book, sometimes you need to force yourself to do it and make a habit of it. And a lot of us will scoff at that or find it too restrictive or boring, it leaves us feeling like it’s a chore rather than a fun activity

As someone who only worked out what people actually mean by it recently, let me explain my take on it

You’re not always going to be inspired to write, you’re not always going to be motivated to write, but if you only write when you’re motivated it’s gonna take a crap ton of time - and writing anything to completion already takes donkey’s years as it is. Forming a habit is going to enable you to write consistently, and thus even unmotivated or uninspired progress is still made. Hence, sometimes you have to force yourself to write

But writing too much will make that habit impossible, or at least it becomes a chore and not a fun activity. You need to give yourself realistic goals to meet, even if it’s only something small. Write for ten minutes a day, write 500 words every week, any snail’s pace progress regardless of how insignificant it may seem. Something small enough that it doesn’t drain you but frequent enough that there’s still a habit being formed, there’s still consistency to it

I used to only write when I was inspired and motivated and could get myself to start writing, and even then the word count would be inconsistent. It could be weeks or even months between proper writing sessions. But now that I have a baseline for productivity, I have a baseline for consistent progress. And I’m only on 1K words a week! And if that doesn’t work, you can do less, or go by time spent writing if that’s a better metric for your writing style!

There’s no such thing as not enough progress when it comes to forming a consistent habit; if you can get at least one word per deadline (day, week, whatever) then that still counts as consistent progress

What everyone else seems to think of is “You must get this big amount of words written daily, think of it as eternal NaNoWriMo, if you miss even one day you’re a failure and you’ll never get the book done, SUFFER FOR YOUR ART!”

Just do what’s comfortable and it’ll be fine, no worries

[axesilly]

i cant afford therapy so im going to talk about my troubles on here because i dont know what else to do 👍 i dont know if this will reach anyone but it might make me feel better. sorry if its a bit lengthy, ive had these feelings for a while

for the sake of anonymity and my own safety i will not be mentioning any names of people, towns, or schools :]

so im in college, im an art major. im from a small town with nothing to do except go to a mall the next town over and im going to college in another small town 5 hours away from home. this small town also has jack shit to do unless you drive 45 minute to an hour away. im currently in my spring semester of my freshman year and i have gotten so absolutely mentally and physically drained since i got a fast food job. i got a job making pizzas at yknow one of those big chain corporations pizza places, and the store i work at has only been open a few months. its absolutely chaotic and no one knows how to do anything except a few select people. my boss, the general manager, also doesnt know how to do anything because its his first time doing something like this. one of the other managers also only works there because hes friends with the general manager and he is not the greatest person, as he tends to sexually harrass the staff including a friend i made there. now ive already put in my two weeks last saturday, but that doesnt take away from how drained this job has made me.

Since the spring semester started ive been constantly piled with work (one week i was scheduled 6 days in a row when i had a big project to work on, i had a breakdown at work to my general manager), writing assignments, and project after project. (not even kidding my drawing professor gives us a new project the same day we turn one in) in my senior year of high school i loved fine arts and i believed that i wanted to follow in my art teachers footsteps and pursue my love of art and make art for my career. and while i do still love fine arts and making art, i just cannot do this constantly. since just before my spring break i started not going to my classes as consistently and i swore to myself i would start going again after the break. well that break just made it worse it seems because everything has just gone more and more downhill. i have still been missing classes because some days its difficult to get out of bed and i do not have the motivation to go to class just to sit there and not be able to pay attention for an hour/hour and a half. im behind on a project for one of my classes because i havent gone since ive been back from spring break (two weeks). i have an exam for one of my classes soon and im not even close to prepared. i had a 3 page essay due last night i started but havent finished (luckily i can turn it in a little late). it may sound lazy but these are my real struggles with my mental health. i feel trapped here. i do have a license and a car, i do have transportation so i can go places, but its such an old car it has so many problems (one which has arisen recently being if i stop somewhere and turn my car off, it wont crank back up immediately and i have to wait 10-15 minutes, and once it is on i have to revv it to make sure it stays on). so because of car problems and currently living in a small town im frustrated because it feels like i cant go anywhere to do anything fun. i feel trapped in my dorm and in my mind.

now comes the college problem. the college i go to currently is a nice school, i get 8 meals a week on my meal plan included in my tuition. theres several places to choose from the eat at, theres a gym, free health exams i think. but its driving me insane seeing the same old brick buildings every damn day. i currently dont have a roommate so im in a dorm by myself which probably contributes to this feeling of lonliness. i dont really have many friends, i had more last semester but they did not keep in touch. i do have one friend that i appreciate very much and she always worries and wants to help when she sees im upset. shes a real one. but seeing the same things, learning about the same repetitive lessons every single day, has driven me insane. my art history class has been the same topics since the start of the semester, its all been about works of art pertaining to jesus, and mary, and god and the angel telling mary shes pregnant and marys purity and this symbolizing that and i understand why its important to learn about these works of art and how they have shaped art today, but i cannot stand hearing the same things over and over. im not a christian, and i dont believe theres anything wrong with christianity as long as youre not hurting anyone with your beliefs, but these topics are so repetitive ever class i have. the semesters almost over and we havent even gotten to modern art yet, and in my opinion thats what truly matters to learn about because thats what we as artists would need to look at to have a reference for how we should make our art right? art is about expressing yourself and we need to see how others making art in the modern era are expressing themselves as well. and on the topic of expressing ourselves, my drawing class, every single project, my professor has us stick to such strict criteria. one of my projects my professor actually really liked, i liked, but she took points off because i had my girlfriends name written very small where you could barely even see, because we were not supposed to have any text. i feel like i cannot even be creative and truly express myself with these projects. i dont feel like i have any real freedom with them. i love fine arts and i love making art, but not when its like this. i want to be able to make my own art that actually expresses my feelings, not someone elses criteria. because of all of this my grades have been rapidly dropping.

now i have already made the decision weeks ago that i will not be returning to this school in the next fall semester. i discussed this with my mom already as she does the majority of my paperwork and things for this stuff. she wants me to transfer to a college closer to home so i can atleast get a general studies degree. but thats not what i want to do either. she told me not to flunk my classes this semester because that will make it difficult to transfer me to another school, but how do you expect me to get good grades when i constantly feel like im in hell in my mind. i mentioned wanting to maybe take a gap year, she doesnt want me to do that. school is horrible for my mental health like this, i dont understand why society thinks we should just have everything we want to do with the rest of our life figured out immediately out of high school. well i dont. and i dont want to stay in college immediately out of high school. i want to go live my life! me and my girlfriend are long distance (we have met in person several times and shes actually coming to visit me this month, but just seeing each other for a week at a time is not enough) and i really want to go live with her! i want to enjoy living and living with the person i love more than life itself! i currently dont feel like i can do that here or back home. i want to move somewhere else with my girlfriend so we can both be happy and love life. i want to move out of state to a slightly bigger city, nothing crazy like new york or atlanta, but just somewhere bigger than a small town with nothing to do whatsoever. i do have a place in mind but im not going to say where. and when i move, after a year i can qualify for in state tuition and pursue something that makes me happier. ive always loved animals and marine animals so i was thinking i could major in zoology and marine biology and work at an aquarium or something while im working on my degree. and i dont fully know how the paperwork and things work for transferring and such, especially after a break, so i could be in the wrong, but is it really wrong for wanting the best for myself?

and to be honest with myself i know exactly why im in college and its not to get a degree. i was raised constantly being compared to my siblings. my brother is trans (which my parents are very obviously not too fond of) dropped out of college and joined the military. my sister dropped out of college after a semester, got married to a horrible man who she just recently divorced after having two children with him. and being compared to them all my life, especially to my brother, made me want to be better than them. i wanted to be the one, as the youngest, to be the first one to get through college immediately, all four years, no problem. but its just too much for me. and dropping out, moving away, im terrified. im terrified that my parents will be disappointed in me. im terrified of that face my mother makes, that tone of voice, when shes disappointed in me for something. im terrified of getting lectured and told why everything i want is wrong. its irrational. and im terified if i move away i wont have her support anymore. i wont have her to lean on when i need help with something. i was never taught where to go or how to do stuff for applying to colleges and transferring. i barely know how to do my taxes.

now i really dont know what this article-like rant of a tumblr post is gonna do. i know i dont really have a following and i dont really post on here. but i just thought itd make me feel better to collect my thoughts and put them all together like this. so far the only people concerned about me have been my girlfriend and a couple of my friends ive told about these problems. not even my professors are concerned about me, i havent even gotten a single email or question about how im doing. they say theyre all for mental health but when a student stops coming to class as often suddenly and starts failing or not turning in assignments its none of their business and i must just be getting lazy and im a horrible student yknow? anyways i think thats about it for this. again i dont really know what this will do but i hope someone has advice or support or something. im going insane here.

love to anyone else suffering similar struggles <3

[austincharcoal]

OCTOBER 2023 MEDITATION LOG

this was inspired by an assignment in my english 101 class. it prompted us to watch/read some mainstream articles/vids about meditation and try meditating for 3 days in a row, then write about it.

Fri, Sep 29    1:05am           Watched the Light Watkins TedX video. Interest was piqued when he said that meditation brings a deeper rest than is possible in sleep. Then he went on and on about the difference in biological age when you meditate. Excited to try more rigorous meditation schedule. Meditated 1:35-1:45am, was really nice. Came close to falling asleep a couple times, I am very tired. Felt grateful to be living in the city hearing rain sounds on the street.

Sat, Sep 30   9:01pm           Took a break from anatomy notes & electronic music to meditate 10 mins. Had a hard time keeping my mind off [redacted]. The things that were difficult then would be easier now that I’ve matured and relaxed a bit. But [redacted].

Sun, Oct 1     10:38am        Tried to do 10 min meditation during AA meeting but had to poop after like 4 mins. Did 10 full mins after meeting ended. It’s easier in the mornings, but I can feel I have lost the groove to a large degree. Still, morning meditation is simpler. By the evening my brain is usually in full pleasure-seeking mode. Mornings I’m usually reeling a bit from soreness and stiffness.

Mon, Oct 2    8:45pm           Did 10 mins sitting up. It’s wild how my body is aware that it’s tired but my mind ignores it, until I try to meditate sitting up and have to fight off sleep over and over. Maybe I should turn in early tonight. When I was awake, I was releasing thoughts about food and women, as usual. Laughed a bit to myself remembering how excited [redacted] was to find the “hidden veggies” pasta recipe on TikTok.

Tue, Oct 3     1:19pm           Late start today. Brewed coffee then laid down to meditate before drinking it. Lot of sexy thoughts bouncing around! Hard to bring my racing mind down today. Probably because I didn’t sleep well. This is somehow becoming both a mediation and a sleep log.

Wed, Oct 4    9:40am           10 min meditation during morning meeting.

Thu, Oct 5     12:28pm        Had been sinking into phone-greyout, scrolling haze, absolute oblivion, and needed a break. 10 min meditation was the only thing that could work. Counted breaths for most of the 10 mins, after english prof. explained during class that counting breaths is the important part of '20 breaths' meditation. It def helped during 10 min meditation. Leg pain was distracting so toward the end started stretching a bit. Feel refreshed and ready to sit down for some studying before work.

Fri, Oct 6        11:52am         Watched the Andy Puddicombe Ted Talk. I liked his analogy about knowing you have a loose tooth and continuing to mess with it even though you’re in pain. Meditated for 10 mins. Feel less overwhelmed about how many things I need to do this afternoon. I’m calmer and more apt to work through them in an organized manner without resorting to distractions. Thought about what to say to [redacted], thought about doing dishes and stretching and listening to new Drake album and taking anatomy notes and making a doctor’s appointment. Tried to recenter and focus on breaths a few times.

Sat, Oct 7      10:30am        Meditated during morning meeting.

Sun, Oct 8     9:51am           Meditated during morning meeting. Thought about my plans for the day (going to NYC to have dinner with my aunt), thought about my mom and my grandma, thought about the family counselor Dr. Prakash who taught me to meditate in 4th grade. Used breath counting to help 'let go' of thoughts and return to quiet mind.

Mon, Oct 9    9:50am           Meditated during morning meeting but was kinda drifting in and out of sleep.

                        8:45pm           Went to [redacted]. It got kinda intense but [redacted]. Decided to decompress by meditating together for 10 minutes. It was beautiful and memorable.

Tue, Oct 10   2:10pm           Read ½ of NYT meditation article then set 10 min timer to meditate. Lots of thoughts running through my head, I can be so obsessive about personal stuff. Was good to have a break from that, even though I didn’t really want the break, I wanted to keep obsessing. Post-break though, I feel better. Body is really sore since I’ve gotten 17k steps, two days in a row. So before the 10 mins were up I got out of my chair and started doing some stretches with eyes closed. Love combining stretches and closed eye meditation. Definitely feel better now, and my 'mindfulness muscle' is getting a tiny bit stronger each day. I find it easier to return to the centered calmness of counting breaths.

Wed, Oct 11                          Didn’t meditate

Thu, Oct 12   10:47am        Meditated 10 mins after morning meeting. Really out of the groove today but tried to just count 100 breaths. Thought about chopping wood for work, about sex, about being messy in romantic relationships, about stretching after meditation, about the kid in my math class who seems to be following along better than anyone else.

Fri, Oct 13                             Didn’t meditate

Sat, Oct 14    9:45am           Meditated during morning meeting.

Sun, Oct 15   2:01pm           Took a break from studying anatomy to meditate. Was sort of fighting off sleep part of the time. Said simple prayers to ask for God’s will to be done, and to discover what that will is. Prayed also for a loving and generous spirit in my heart.

Mon, Oct 16  11:00pm         Meditated 10 mins after looking at Twitter/Reddit for ~3 hours. I think I need to try 15 or 20 minute meditations because sometimes I find myself totally distracted and overstimulated for more than half of a 10 minute meditation. That was the case this time. At some points I opened my eyes and just stared at the wall to keep from thinking about downtown Montreal, or applying to a Master’s program in 5 years, or how I had a bad attitude at work the other day.

Tue, Oct 17   12:14pm        Been feeling emotionally unhinged lately, lowkey lashing out at people. Trying to redirect. Meditation is a good starting place. Meditated 10 minutes and had to stop myself over and over from planning out my day. How much time will I spend in the restaurant working on prep? How much time on schoolwork? Will I have time to pick up a cleaning project? Could I meditate for 10 minutes on the clock? Who will I see there and what will the vibe be when I talk to them? Used breath counting to reel in some of the thoughts. Asked God for help. I have a long way to go toward being centered, organized, disciplined. Please, God, help me make some progress today.

Wed, Oct 18                          Didn’t meditate

Thu, Oct 19   10:30am        Meditated in morning meeting. Feel at peace with my life, with who I am and where I’m at, with my propensity for anxiety, for mistakes, for seeing things through a distorted lens. I’m gonna keep learning and I’m gonna be okay.

Fri, Oct 20     10:30am        Meditated in morning meeting. Had trouble staying quiet mentally. In the meeting we talked about the 'confusion' that exists without a spiritual connection. Thought about how meditation and confusion are like exact opposites. Lot of confusion and noise for me lately. Meditation must be one of the main solutions. Not just meditation but a meditation practice. Prayer as well, I need more of that. Talked about meditation with my sponsor later. He recommended I try the 'toes-to-head' meditation.

Sat, Oct 21    9:00am           Made coffee then meditated for 10 mins before meeting.

                        9:45am           Meditated for 10 mins in morning meeting. It felt good to get more time in. Would like to do one longer session but 10x2 was easy and felt very calming.

Sun, Oct 22   9:30am           Set a timer and laid on yoga mat to meditate for 10 minutes. Said a prayer for my mom and grandma, who are going through a difficult time. Had to keep returning to baseline as I kept fantasizing about sex with [redacted], who I’ve been texting. Sex is a constant refrain for my tired brain, I think I’m subconsciously convinced that there’s some simple relief there. But intellectually I know it’s never that simple, relationships are complicated and usually come with more stress than being single. Important to talk myself down from these underlying desires.

Mon, Oct 23                          Didn’t meditate. Busy day, but I think I need to start finding more time. It’s possible to replace some of my phone-scrolling time with meditation every day, sometimes I just don’t do it. This log is helping me stay accountable and showing me what I need to change to meditate more.

Tue, Oct 24   12:45pm        Meditated 10 mins laying on yoga mat. Was really able to start calm with deep breaths, maybe because I was laying down. Often I start with a hectic mind and try to calm it for the first 5 mins.

Wed, Oct 25  10:30am        Didn’t meditate? Can’t remember

Thu, Oct 26   11:45am         Meditated 10 mins. Sick with a cold, hopefully not worse. Did not want to meditate but do feel a bit better

Fri, Oct 27     9:48pm           Meditated 8 mins. Got antsy during the last two. Feeling very baby because the cold is actually a flu or something. Lots of schoolwork to do before tomorrow night. Trying to stay calm and not get overwhelmed.

Sat, Oct 28    8:15pm           Meditated 10 mins which led to me napping for another 30. Very ill but still going to work and studying. Sad!

Sun, Oct 29                           Did not meditate. Walked for 2 hours listening to an old interview with Brad Phillips, he talked a lot about 12 step program, psychedelic drug experiences, Zen vs. Tibetan Buddhism. Helpful for pondering meditation and how to consider it in my life.

Mon, Oct 30  10:45am        Meditated 10 mins after morning meeting. Health is improving slightly. Trying to spend the day doing work, chores, service to others, or meditative things like prayer, listening to spiritual talks, walking. Trying to leave alone the chaotic, noisy things that are really perpetuating my discomfort and dissatisfaction.

Tue, Oct 31   2:03pm           Meditated 10 mins after writing for English class, before going for a walk and calling my sponsor. Turns out I had covid. At least it's almost over. Same with October. What's next.

[timeoverload]

I'm glad today is over. I haven't been in a very good mood. I woke up this morning at 3:30 after a nightmare. I tried to go back to bed but then I had 2 more in a row. They have been extremely vivid lately. I felt very uncomfortable and disoriented after that. It was hard to get out of bed.

I didn't have any eye cases scheduled this afternoon so I spent a lot of my time wrapping total pans and loading autoclaves. I spent most of my lunch break making phone calls and I didn't have time to get food so that made me feel like shit. I have been eating a lot better recently so that threw me off.

They gave me a 2 hour decontam shift at the end of the day. 6 cases got done while I was back there and most of them were totals so there was a lot to clean. The instruments seemed bloodier than usual and I think the techs were too lazy to wipe things off in the operating room like they are supposed to. I had to pick cement off of impactors which is something that we're not supposed to have to worry about anymore since it's the tech's job to remove it in the room before it hardens. A lot of sets were mixed together so I had to take extra time to sort things out. They were all just trying to go home and someone even left a patella on the dirty cart. It's definitely not the first time that has happened to me but it pisses me off when they don't even try to make our jobs easier. It's not my job to dispose of body parts but I still get stuck doing it sometimes. I didn't expect to have to close decontam either so it ended up being 2 and a half hours instead. It was so hot and I got so sweaty. The dirty water soaked through my gown so I was drenched when I got done. I felt so gross afterward. I just hate being trapped in that room because it's such a miserable place to be. I don't want to do it anymore.

I was glad that I got to leave once I had everything cleaned up. I hobbled out of there as fast as I could. I threw up in the parking lot when I got to my car because I overdid it.

I came home and took a shower immediately and made some food so I feel a little better I guess. I'm sore now though and I lifted too much today. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow because I have 30 eye cases and there are 20 total joint surgeries. There are also a lot of robotic surgeries and other procedures. I don't know how I'm going to make it through the next 2 days but I know I will somehow. I will probably be crabby.

I'm a little disappointed because I can't go fishing with the person that invited me to go with her a couple weeks ago. For some reason she had the impression that I had my own fishing pole and access to a kayak. She never told me I needed to have that stuff initially so I was confused. I also didn't realize that she was expecting me to drive like 3 hours to the lake by myself. It seems like she has been trying to dissuade me from wanting to go like she regrets asking me in the first place. She goes fishing with the autoclave repair man. He's a nice guy but I'm not sure if I want to hang out with him outside of work. I think they have something going on between them so I don't really want to be a third wheel anyway. I guess they text all the time. He has mentioned in the past that he's unhappily married so it makes me uncomfortable. I shouldn't make assumptions like that but I would like to avoid being put in an awkward situation. Their relationship is none of my business so I want to stay out of it. I probably shouldn't try to hang out with people from work anyway. I used to try to do that years ago but it never ended well. It just starts drama. I'm just too boring and weird and don't have much in common with anyone. I guess I will keep being a hermit. I'm really bummed out because summer is already almost over and I didn't get to do anything that I wanted to do.

I've also been stressed about my kitties all day too. All 3 of them are overdue for check-ups. They are behind on vaccinations and licensing. They deserve better and I feel like a bad cat mom. They are just hard for me to transport. Harry is very heavy and Soupy and Salazaar have to go together because they freak out if they get separated. I need to get them new carriers. I hope that I can figure out a way to get them to the vet soon because I've been worried about them. I want to get them a new cat tree and new toys too but I need to get caught up on some more of my bills first. I feel like I haven't been able to give them the attention they need.

I decided that I'm going to stay home next Wednesday and Thursday because I need a vacation and I have been saving my sick days. I'm planning on getting some things sorted out during that time. I'm going to try to be productive and get more organized. I am lucky that there aren't any eye cases scheduled Tuesday afternoon so I can go to my appointment without it being a hassle and I don't need to find someone to cover for me. I lied to my boss and told her that I had a doctors appointment on Tuesday and I needed to leave a little early and she said that was fine. I had to say I was going to the doctor and not the tattoo shop because I didn't want to get denied. I'm hoping that next week will be better than this one has been so far. I'm looking forward to having some extra time off. I also have my ultrasound next Friday. I'm not excited to do that but at least I am getting it taken care of so I can figure out what's wrong with me.

I'm so tired right now. I don't think I will be able to stay up very late tonight. I hope I can have some good dreams for once. I'm all ready for bed and I'm going to try to relax for a while. I need to mentally prepare myself for tomorrow. I'm trying to stay optimistic that it will be better than I'm expecting it to be. I will try to make it a good day.

[melissa-driggers-photography]

The Motherhood Project | Chantilly VA Photography

With Mother's Day just around the corner, it was the perfect time to reflect back on The Motherhood Project, our Chantilly VA photography session honoring motherhood in many different ways. I'm so lucky to have such amazing colleagues in the area so it was an absolute honor when Jessica Ryles Photography asked me to collaborate on this project with her. As a styled maternity and in-home lifestyle newborn photographer, it was a no brainer to accept the invitation and get to work!  

The Motherhood Project

This project was a labor of love that started back in January. Jessica and I met to discuss everything. We came up with a plan for what exactly we wanted to achieve and how we wanted to achieve it, and we set to work. We spent a good bit of time in February getting all of our ducks in a row before we opened up our application for models. Once the applications were open, we were thrilled with how many mommas were interested in working on this project with us! It was so exciting! By mid-March, we decided it was time to get together again to go through all of our over 50 applicants and narrow it down to our 6 models that we wanted for the project. Let me tell you, it was not easy! We seriously had some amazing applicants! We knew we wanted diversity, and we knew we wanted to showcase the different methods of feeding our babies. Once we had our choices narrowed down, we emailed our applicants and scheduled virtual calls to go over all the details with everyone. Once everyone was committed, we ordered the dresses for everyone, and then it was just time to keep in touch and wait. When our session date was getting closer, Jessica and I started to stalk the weather forecast, like most outdoor photographers do when it's session time! We quickly realized that we may have to postpone our project. Thankfully we had a rain date already set up, and although we had to replace one of our models last minute due to the reschedule, everything turned out wonderfully. We held our Chantilly VA photography session on our rain date, and the weather cooperated! It was such a pleasure getting work with these six moms and their little ones at Ellanor C Lawrence Park in Chantilly! Jessica and I split up our time to maximize the session. Jessica took majority of the large group and small group photos while I took photos for the moms individually as a thank you for participating. All the mommas have now had their photo reveals and received the photos that they wanted, and our project has come to a close. It truly feels like it was just yesterday that Jessica and I met the first time to discuss the project! But time goes by quickly, and that's one of the reasons why we as photographers do what we do. We freeze time, even if only for an evening. So without further ado, I want to share a few of my favorite individual photos from the beautiful mommas that modeled for us!  

  The Motherhood Project | Chantilly VA Photography

  If you'rereading this and are in need of a photographer, I would love to talk to you! I offer styled maternity sessions with client closet access and in-home lifestyle newborn sessions where I come to the comfort of your home to capture your first days with your little bundle of joy! Reach out today and let's chat!   For motherhood content on the blog, check out these articles: - Premier Birth Center Chantilly | 16 Informative Questions for Expecting Moms - An FAQ Interview with Thrive Breastfeeding for Moms-to-Be Read the full article

[tomhollandaise]

I'm so fucking close to quitting my job 🙃

[twistedmusings]

How the dorm leaders react when they catch you kissing someone from their dorm [Part 2]

A/N: AND HERE IT IS! Oh my god I still can't believe I managed to get this done! I actually stayed on task! Honestly these three were probably my favourite from the original post, I've had far too much fun writing these bois.

And what can I say? Playfully flirty MC is a good MC u wu

Warnings: Heavy smooching, possessive talk, and the reader just really pushing the dorm leader's buttons~

Part 1 here!

“How dare you...?”

Vil was more than happy to be coming back to Pomefiore with all the stuff that had happened today. Classes were more annoying than usual, he had to chase Leona down to tell him to get his work done and there had been some problems in the modeling studio that caused the lights to be brighter than usual and now he had a headache that only a nap could fix.

Thing was, if he wanted to keep his schedule as tight as possible he would need to stay awake for...another 6 hours.

One good thing was waiting for him though. Rook had greeted him at the entrance and let him know that the Ramshackle prefect was in the dorm today as per his request.

Good.

This would keep him awake. He remembers promising you a lesson in proper skincare in order to remedy whatever you did once you woke up in the morning. Deep in the back of his head he remembers you telling him that you just splash cold water on your face but he preferred to think that you at least put some sort of moisturizer. Maybe.

He rushes to his room to freshen up and makes sure that he has the materials he needs. Vil had decided that his own brand of face cleansing products would be a good start for your skin. The tingles in his fingertips went ignored as he thought of you thinking about him in the morning. It wasn’t that sort of thing at all, he reminded himself. Dorm leaders were supposed to help each other out, despite how often they were at each other’s throats, and he was just fulfilling his role not just as a dorm leader but as a...friend.

Vil takes one last look at the mirror and makes his way down the row of rooms in Pomefiore to reach the Lounge, only to stop when he sees you being pulled into one of the many rooms by what was clearly a Pomefiore’s students hand.

Wait what?

It’s almost alarming how quickly he approaches the door and puts his foot in it, choosing to stay quiet as he sees that the two people in the room didn’t even bother to wonder why the door hadn’t closed all the way. The student was pressing kisses against your lips in small intervals, choosing instead to talk as you run your hands up the expensive purple robe and taking in the little designs.

“I had a new lip scrub I wanted you to try out.”

“Really? Then why aren’t we in the bathroom?"

“That’s rather forward for a dorm leader. Is everyone in Ramshackle this daring?”

Vil couldn’t even pinpoint the student’s name. That was your first offense. The only thing he remembers about him is the man’s caramel brown hair and how it contrasted beautifully against his dark skin. After that, nothing could pop into his head that would make that student even remotely interesting for you to be hanging off of him like that! Of all the people to be with, it just had to be a nameless potato, didn’t it?

The hairs at the back of his head stand up as the potato hands you what he believes to be the best lip scrub in the business, which only makes the alarms in Vil’s head go off even louder. That brand wasn’t even known for doing lip scrubs! In fact, they once put out a three in one shampoo/conditioner and the fact that the student even had that brand in the dorms and you just blatantly accepting it was your second offense.

And as much as he wanted to focus on that being the thing that truly bothered him, he felt the alarms deafening him as he saw the potato’s hands wrap around your waist as he kissed you again, your lips parting to let him inside.

He shouldn’t be looking at this, he should be leaving and just leave you to your own devices. The lesson wasn’t important, you weren’t that important to him--

Amethyst eyes widen when you tilt your head as the student starts kissing down your neck, already choosing one spot to make his own as he licks and nips at the skin while you dig your fingers into his robe.

Vil didn’t really know how to describe the sudden surge of energy that caused him to fling the door open and grab the student by the back of his robe and pull him backwards, eyes glaring at you the entire time as you whisper his name, as if suddenly remembering that you had a previous engagement before this whole ‘sticking your tongue down a Pomefiore student’s throat’’ business.

“Prefect. My room. Now.”

You put your hands up and walk out of the room without looking at him, Vil letting go of the student’s robes and walking out after you. He didn’t even need to tell him that he was in trouble, the student would realize it soon enough once Rook delivered the chores that needed to be done by tonight.

A list only that student would be getting instead of the entire dorm.

Vil closes the door of his room and turns the lock rather harshly, looking back at you sitting at the edge of his bed still staring at the window. You weren’t trying to defend yourself, you weren’t even looking at him.

“I hate to be kept waiting, Prefect. Not just that, it is extremely rude to keep someone waiting just so you can fraternize with someone in my dorm.”

No answer. He grabs his desk chair and sits down so he can face you directly.

“What made you go and pick that potato?”

“Why would that be any of your business Vil-senpai?”

It was very much his business, if you asked him. He would have been okay if it was Epel or even Rook that you had picked to make out with but he wasn’t just going to stand around and watch as one of the student’s whose name he didn’t even know threw all of his work out of the window! So he asked the question again, this time getting a chuckle as an answer which only served to upset him even more.

“Out of anyone in my dorm you could have picked, you had to go with someone who offers you such a low quality brand of lip scrub?”

“That is your problem with this? What he offered me? Me and him just started hanging out, we know nothing about each other! I just wanted to change that.”

His headache was coming back again.

Vil put hard work into everything he did. That was his work ethic and people be damned if they thought it was too much. Maybe they couldn’t handle it but they still respected it, respected his craft and the work he put into it.

So why do you, of all of his recent projects, disrespect him so blatantly?

It was clear you weren’t ready yet, Vil wasn’t done working with you yet. After doing something like this, and right inside his dorm, he knew that you had just taken all of the careful brushes and strokes he had decorated your canvas with…

And burnt it right in front of his eyes.

Which is why he didn’t necessarily feel any guilt when he grabbed your cheeks and pulled his own lipstick out of his back pocket, ignoring your protests.

“Quiet.”

He applies the shade quickly and before you have any chance to protest, pushes his lips against yours.

The kiss is anything but sweet. It’s almost punishing. Vil was reminding you that you were a work in progress. He still had so much left to teach you, so much left to work with you and if you kept rushing things you were going to make him mad. Once he was done with you, you could go about your pitiful little life and kiss whoever you wanted and he wouldn’t even bat an eyelash.

A hand grasps at his wrists as you press his palms on your cheeks, your tongue gently pressing against his lips so you could slip inside--

Nevermind. This sort of impatient kissing would also have to go.

He pulls away and pushes you onto the mattress, your eyes hazy with eagerness and confusion as Vil removes his jacket and gloves and leans down to trap you below him.

“Were you this greedy with him? Did he also get this treatment from you? No, don’t answer. I fear I’ll only get angrier if you do. Now be an obedient little potato and stay still, the first thing I’ll fix is that messy kissing of yours.”

“ :( “

Snacks runs had to be the most annoying and heart pounding of his usual daily life quests. If waking up was a struggle enough, especially when no special loot such as new anime or manga was available, it was hard to complete such basic tasks without some sort of incentive.

Although Idia guessed that not dying of starvation was enough of an incentive.

He walks down the corridor of his own dorm, humming a quiet tune to himself as he looks down at all the snacks he had acquired. Which, score! They even had a limited edition chip flavor that came with the card of one of his favourite idols! It took everything in his power to not just spend all of his money on more than one bag but he had such a good day today that he knew his gacha pull luck just had to be good.

The door to a room behind him opens, Idia quickly picking up his pace and hiding behind a corner as he looks at who it could be. He isn't against anyone in his dorm but...he didn't have the means to engage in any conversation that wasn't about his current FPS game or Gakemo so--

"Thank you for the help! I thought my phone was beyond repair!"

His hands tighten around the chips pressed tight to his chest, eyes wide in surprise as he sees you stepping out of the room.

Of all people...why were you here so late?

The student laughs as he scratches the back of his head, handing you back your phone and looking away.

“No--No problem! I...I honestly didn’t think you would come to me for help. I integrated the newest magical technology on it as well as voice activated features and a--a brand new messaging app that sends messages faster!”

Idia clicked his tongue as he heard the student speak. Look at him showing off. You didn’t know that he was taking advantage of your naive mind! You didn’t know anything about magic so, of course, all those features would sound fancy!

When it was literally taking your phone and just downloading some fancy new apps on it!

Yet there you were, marveling down at it as if you had just gotten the latest version.

Well maybe he shouldn’t complain too much, even from here he could see your smile. A part of him worried that all this luck he was suddenly getting would affect the luck he would get on his chip bag but...you were worth it.

Such a rare event shouldn’t be left unnoticed.

Maybe...maybe if he stayed here you could walk by and he could open up the ‘bumping into each other late at night’ event?

“So how can I repay you? Do you need anything done?”

Idia tunes back into the conversation as he frowns, looking back at the two of you as the student looks at every single corner of the ceiling instead of looking at you.

Payment? The guy had just downloaded a couple of apps that wasn’t good enough reason to offer some sort of payment. He frowns and taps his foot impatiently as the guy stutters out a few excuses before finally giving you an answer.

“A ki--A kiss? Would that be alright?”

The Ignihyde dorm leader almost falls down as he hears that, retreating further into his corner as he glared daggers at the guy who had just dared to ask for such a bold request.

A k--kis--kiss? A kiss...from you?

This guy was starting to piss him off! He should just be content staring at you! You were a SSR character all on your own! That guy should be happy he even got to talk to you at all and shouldn’t ask for more than he was given! He already rolled for such a life changing event why would he even want more!

His eyes soften when he sees you mull it over. It was okay, you could reject him. Such a guy wouldn’t even be worthy of a kiss from you so you so all you had to do was say no! Go on, [Y/N], just reject hi--

Idia can feel his heart breaking as his muscles stop working, dropping all of his stuff on the floor with a thud as the sound echoes. Yet it went ignored, the other two people in the hallway too busy with their own activities.

When...when had you even kissed him? Idia only remembers you putting your phone away and the moment he blinked you had already pressed your lips against that other guy--!

He should be leaving, why isn’t he moving?

The student’s hand goes to your waist as you deepen it, his face turning a deep shade of red as you pull away and tap his lips.

“Was that your first kiss?”

“...y--yes..”

You were smiling and giving him such a rare, almost ultimately rare item and Idia didn’t know how long he could stare until he combusted.

So all he could do was turn around…

And run as fast as he could.

He ignored the familiar voice calling out his name, footsteps quickly following him as he started to run out of breath.

Making a poor otaku like him run, even now you were still being so cruel to him!

Idia’s door slides open as he bursts inside, ready to bury himself in his bed and never come out again--!

Only to stop when he hears you hiss in pain.

Blue eyes turn around to see your foot jammed into his doorway, not allowing the electric door to slide closed. A part of him wants to immediately go to you and ask if you were alright but he stops himself as the image of your kiss flashes through his mind again.

“[Y/N]-shi! W--What--!”

You rub at your foot and sigh, walking in with a confused look as Idia presses his back against his bookshelf. He knew it. If a SSR character could be brought to real life, this is the sort of power they would have over him.

The kind of aura you were emitting was enough for him to want to get on his knees, but he chose to remain strong.

“I was calling out to you…didn’t you hear me?”

Idia turns his head and looks at the floor, the pain still raw and emotionally taxing than what he was used to. Disappointment was one thing but heartbreak was a complete other monster!

“Shouldn’t--Shouldn’t you be with your boyfriend?”

He spits the word out, annoyed that a guy from his dorm could unlock...no...could get someone like you. You were open to every single activity Idia gave you, you gave him good feedback and didn’t get scared when you two disagreed on something. Every manga he gave you, you read and every anime he told you to watch, you would watch it.

You were receptive, you were attentive, you were what Idia wanted in a real life friend!

He hadn’t dared hope for more!

That still didn’t mean he couldn’t fantasize when he was all by himself.

“Boyfriend…?”

You tilt your head in confusion before chuckling as you realized what had happened.

“Oh so you saw that.”

Is that all you were going to say?! You had just taken his heart and crushed it into tiny little pieces and you were just going to talk about what a pervert he was being!

Someone just KO him now, like right now!

“Yes...I saw. So what? You were just ki-kissi--doing that thing from everyone to see! So you should just go back to him instead of bullying me in my own room!”

Please just leave, he wanted to cry in peace.

Yet you stubbornly remain, just like the first time he met you.

“Idia I don’t know what crazy assumptions you are making but that guy isn’t my boyfriend.”

You put up one finger.

“He fixed my phone…”

Another one follows after.

“And he asked for a kiss for payment. Simple as that. You shouldn’t act like you caught us doing something major. It was just a kis---”

Large hands land on your shoulders as Idia now stands in front of you, head hung low as he mutters something to himself.

“Just a kiss….just a kiss.”

You jump as he gets close to your face, eyes staring at you pleadingly as he cupped your face.

“JUST A KISS? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU ARE? AN EXTRA RARE CHARACTER SUCH AS YOURSELF SHOULDN’T BE GIVING OUT SUCH RARE ITEMS LIKE THAT!”

He shakes you back and forth.

“IF YOUR KISS WAS JUST NORMAL THEN EVEN I...I COULD--”

Idia’s eyes fall on your lips, the rush of adrenaline mixed in with his built up desire for you all culminating in two choices popping up in his head. And for the first time, he knew that hesitation was not an option.

So he dives in.

His lips met yours roughly, not really moving them or anything but just pressing them against you. You put your hands gently on his chest but he takes it as a protest, which only causes him to push them onto yours even more.

This was...disastrous.

He had never kissed anyone before. How in the world did he think that he would be able to kiss you? Ah, maybe this was a dream? Right! He had just dreamed all of this up and you didn’t really force your way into his room to confront him!

His hair flares up when you cup his face, pushing him away slightly and tilting him in such a way that your lips would meet in a much softer fashion. He looks down and sees you closing your eyes, following in your footsteps and melting inside your kiss.

You both pull away slowly, Idia opening his eyes and blushing when he sees you licking your lips and sending him a teasing grin.

A rare sight...made only for him.

“I feel like I just spent all my stamina on this one event...so I don’t want to go unrewarded. Can we go further? I want to go further. What option do I have to pick for you to do that again, [Y/N]?”

“Don’t touch them.”

“YOUNG MASTER! WHERE ARE YOU!”

Malleus sighs as he looks on at the Diasmonia students gathered around the outskirts of the school, smiling as he sees Sebek directing them each and every way. Sebek really didn’t give up, did he? One of his classes had been canceled and he was eager to see the gargoyles around Ramshackle in a much better light but he figured Sebek would cause up a stir when he didn’t find him in his classroom.

As much as he appreciated him, Sebek didn’t have to walk him to every single class.

He sighs and goes deeper into the woods behind Ramshackle, the small broken path there leading him down a familiar terrain.

This is where he usually walked with you, after all.

Seeing this place in bright light was so very different. Instead of it being illuminated by his lights, the sun peeked out from over the trees and provided a sunny trail instead of the usual moonlight. He took a deep breath as he breathed in the smell of flowers all around, all of them growing wildly around him and defying any human to try and tame them.

His fingers trace some of the thorns he found on some of them, the flowers attracted to his touch and moving closer to his hands as a small vine wrapped around his finger.

All with his magic’s help after all.

This was his safe space. Malleus would come here during his first and second year and lose himself in the wilderness. In here no one would fear him. Here every single thing was responsive to his touches and even dared to touch back. Some of the wild rose bushes also reminded him of him, Malleus adding a bit more thorns around the flowers as in to emulate the very home he missed.

In this lonely place, he flourished.

But it wasn’t so lonely now, was it?

His third year had brought one big surprise. A human. A child of man who did not know who he was or what he was capable of. They looked at him as if he was just any other stranger roaming around their dorm and not the next ruler of the Valley of Thorns.

And Malleus, being the very curious person he is, found himself pulled to your inattentiveness.

He had dropped many hints that he was eager to get to know you more, relishing in the fact that you two were starting to get closer. And while he had hoped to keep his identity a secret a bit longer, he found it almost unbearable for you to not know who he was.

If you were so open with who you were, then he should show you the same kind of respect.

How wonderful that you were now on a first name basis with each other.

Malleus could walk over to Ramshackle dorm now and knock on your door without hesitation, smiling as he sees your excitement at just what places you two would discover in the dead of night.

Bummer you couldn’t be with him now.

He had seen you come out of your dorm and ask Sebek if he needed any help, to which the fae replied rather rudely that no human could ever track down his young master, so he was a bit reluctant to discover any more places without you by his side.

These walks were something you two did together, after all.

So he remained at this spot, touching everything and anything that would strike his fancy while going deeper and deeper into a small clearing you two had found. A large tree decorated its middle, the leaves falling gently upon the ground as the sun shone down on the large pond that provided this part of the forest with the water it needed to balance out the sun’s gentle rays.

“Shhhh, don’t make too much noise.”

Malleus stops as he hears your voice, his head immediately turning towards the sound as he hears rustling behind him. He smiles and turns to where he thought you were coming from only to be struck by a sudden idea--and immediately hiding among the trees and bushes so you couldn’t see him.

Would you be surprised to find him here?

He hoped so. Malleus had the habit of appearing to you suddenly so this wouldn’t be breaking any traditions between you two. If he played his cards right, you might join him on a walk all the way to the edge of the island.

“Prefect do you know where you are going?”

“I do! I’ve been here so many times. Now come on!”

Another person’s voice. No...he had heard that voice before.

Malleus retreats back into his hiding spot as he sees you rush by, holding by the hand a Diasmonia student as he rushes to follow you. You smile and turn around, still holding his hand while the other looked on in amazement at where you had led him.

“Prefect...this is…”

“Like it? Me and Malleus found it a while ago. This is how we know we are close to the edge of the forest.”

The Diasmonia dorm leader smiles as he watches you show the student around, pointing out different sights and sounds as the other watched on in amazement. That student probably had never gone anywhere this secret and while Malleus was glad you were showing off the place you two shared…

There was a feeling deep inside his chest that flared up angrily as he caught the student looking at you more than his surroundings.

Green eyes watch as the student’s hand clenches and unclenches, seemingly working up the courage to do something as you continue speaking. Which was rather rude, in Malleus’s opinion. You were explaining some wonderful things about the flora here and he was just staring at you without engaging in the conversation.

And how did you two know each other? Malleus had never mentioned you in Diasmonia except to Silver and Lilia, had he known you before him?

Malleus hands grip the tree bark tighter as the student takes your hand, stopping your explanation as he gets you to focus your attention on him.

What--?

“I’ve been eager to find some time alone with you.”

The student clears his throat before pulling you by the hand gently, your surprised look turning into one of playfulness as you follow along with his movements. He leads you to the edge of the pond, spinning you around as you allow him to position you in such a way that you are now closer to him than before.

Which only makes the angry feeling in Malleus’s gut flare up even more.

“Have you now? What for?”

An answer Malleus wanted to know as well.

Blushing, the student smiles and leads you into a dance with no music which only served to make you laugh and make Malleus’s fingers dig deep into the wood of the poor tree.

In the dragon fae’s eyes, you two are dancing for hours without caring about who was around. Why had he even brought you here? This student was part of Sebek’s surveillance crew and yet here he was not doing his job. But he wasn’t the one who brought you here…

You were.

Your actions were lost on Malleus as the dance finishes up, the student dipping you low before bringing you up.

“So you brought me here to dance? Who knew Diasmonia students were so charming.”

Malleus didn’t like the way you were smiling, nor how your hands rested on the student’s shoulders. He hadn’t seen this side of you before, you were playing along with this student and his motives.

Had you always been so playful? Malleus had only seen you during the night and whenever you two spoke it was a conversation worthy of two friends sharing experiences together.

But not this...never this…

“Well, not just a dance. I’ve wanted to state my intentions outright.”

The tree starts to crack slowly as Malleus can feel more thorns growing out of the rose bushes around him.

“Ever since you arrived, you have been an enigma to me. You are always so helpful even to those who do not seek your aid. Even now, you didn’t have to help me search for our Young Master."

He wasn’t searching for anyone, he was too close to you for Malleus’s liking and he needed to learn how to respect your boundaries.

“Yet you still offered me your help...and I…I want to...”

The student was leaning closer as his hands slid down to your waist, Malleus staring as you started to tilt your head as you placed your hands on his chest while his lips were dead set on meeting yours--!

Your face is tilted up as cold lips meet yours, your mouth opening in a surprised gasp as the hold the student had on you was no longer shy and timid but angry and possessive. These lips were pulling you in closer and closer, greedily eating each and every sound you were making as the air was slowly stolen from your lungs.

A string of saliva is left hanging as you two separate, your eyes fluttering open as you think of something to say to such a ravishing kiss.

Only for them to open wide in surprise as you see who you had really kissed.

“Malleus!?”

You turn to look behind the fae’s back, the Diasmonia student looking at his Young Master in mild panic and surprise while Malleus presses you close against his chest, clearly hiding you from view.

Right before the student even had a chance to taste your lips, Malleus had rushed out of his hiding place and pulled him away by the collar of his shirt.

For a dragon to watch on as something that was his was so close to be taken away, the surprise must have gotten to him.

“Go tell Sebek to head back to Diasmonia and call off his search. I will be there by nightfall.”

The student tries to stutter out a response but Malleus glares back as he keeps you pressed firmly against him.

“Now.”

You watch the student leave in a hurry, following the broken path you had led him in with. Your eyes peek up to look at Malleus but the dorm leader waits until the sound of footsteps is long gone before tilting your face up again and leaning down to press his lips against yours in another rough and dominating kiss.

Hands push you forward as your back collides with the huge tree in the clearing, Malleus making sure that the back of your head meets the bark gently as his lips never parted from yours. You wrap your arms around him as best as you could and let out an involuntary squeak when the fae decides to pick you up so that you could pull him in even closer.

He is the one to pull away first, hands firmly on your bottom as you wrap your legs around his waist to support yourself.

“Malleus--”

The fae presses another kiss to your lips, effectively silencing you so that all your attention would be on him.

“Don’t ever bring someone else into this place, child of man. Do I make myself clear? This place is our haven and I will not have someone else come steal both it and you away from me. Well, even if you don’t understand, I’ll make sure to explain it to you thoroughly. Now...kiss me again.”

[jackrrabbit]

Clean /// Sakusa x f!Reader (18+)

Summary: [College dorm AU] Sakusa can’t stop thinking about you in the shower.

A/N: Indirectly inspired by @seita​ and @bakatenshii​, who made me think about soap and Sakusa’s cum in conjunction…thanks guys :P

Tags/warnings: masturbation, mild cleanliness fetish if that’s a thing?, Sakusa wants you and is in deep denial about it

It’s not like he started doing it on purpose. Not at first.

On weekdays, you wake up at the same time that Sakusa gets back from the gym: 7 AM exactly. He timed it that way because they clean the dorm bathrooms at 6:30—they’re still revolting, but they can’t be as bad as the ones at the gym. He can avoid touching the stall walls if he has to, and…he has to. 7 is the perfect time—even the students with 8 AM class can’t be fucked to wake up that early, so he gets the row of mirrors and stalls to himself.

Except for you.

Your room is right next to the stairwell; when Sakusa jogs up the stairs (two at a time, blood still pumping from his workout even though the sweat is already cooling on his back) he can hear your alarm through the thin wall. Always 7 on the dot: your phone blares an obnoxiously loud ringtone, there’s a muffled protest from you and your roommate curses at you to turn that shit off, it’s seven fucking AM. By the time he’s standing at the bathroom sink brushing his teeth, you’re usually pushing through the door in your pajamas, holding your towel in one hand and rubbing your puffy eyes with the other.

So it’s not like Sakusa plans this. It’s a coincidence. Mostly.

“G’morning…Kiyoomi.” You interrupt yourself with a yawn in the middle of the sentence. Your voice sounds heavy with exhaustion and he wonders, not for the first time, why you bother waking up so early. You don’t seem like a morning person.

The toothbrush is still in Sakusa’s mouth, so he just nods to greet you. You smile sleepily and then bend down to reach your bathroom locker, and—fuck, fuck, you’re wearing the shorts again, the threadbare cotton ones you wear whenever the weather gets a little warmer. They’re thin (so thin he can see the high cut of your panties underneath when they’re stretched over your ass, not that he’s looking), and they’re short.

Do you know how much you’re showing off when you bend over like that to rummage through your locker? You’re basically showing your ass off, the smooth muscle of your thighs rising up into those perfect cheeks, and between them, the dingy cotton stretched tight over your mound—

He’s not looking. He shouldn’t be looking. Sakusa lowers his gaze in the mirror to spit the toothpaste into the sink.

“Hey, can I borrow some of that?”

You’re standing at his elbow now, blinking up at him. Pleading. When he wordlessly hands over the tube, you grin, eyes crinkling up at the corners like he just offered to take your hand in marriage rather than letting you have some toothpaste that he wasn’t going to miss anyway. “Thanks! You’re the best.”

You barely know him. Sakusa’s pretty sure that these early-morning bathroom encounters are the only times you two interact.

“How was your workout?” you ask when you’re done brushing your teeth.

Sakusa has to grip the edge of the counter to tear his eyes away from you when you spit it out—white foam dribbling out of your mouth and down your chin—but that’s beside the point. “It was fine.”

“Yeah? Did you run or go to the gym?”

“Gym.” Why are you so curious? You’re too friendly.

You hum appreciatively, rubbing foamy circles of cleanser into your skin. The smell of it is light—floral, but barely. Lavender, maybe. That’s step one of your morning skincare routine, which Sakusa’s pretty certain he knows as well as you do by now. Next will be toner, and then you’ll save the rest for after your shower—but before you reach for the next little bottle in the row you’ve lined up on the bathroom counter, you turn toward him. “I should get back on a regular gym schedule too. Maybe one day I’ll go with you?”

“If you can wake up that early.” The remark must come out harsher than Sakusa intended, because you raise your eyebrows and your mouth drops open—but a second later you’re smiling again, turning back to the mirror so you can pat the toner into your skin.

“You’re probably right. I don’t know how you wake up at six in the morning every day.”

5:45, he wants to correct. But if he keeps talking to you, you’re going to notice he’s staring. So he just finishes washing his face without answering, puts his stuff back into the locker, and makes his way over to the shower stalls, leaving you and the scent of lavender behind.

There are five stalls. All open, of course. Second from the left has the best water pressure, and the one on the far right has a removable shower head and heats up the quickest. But Sakusa chooses the middle stall. For no reason. Not because he knows exactly which stall you’re going to pick, and he wants to be sure he’s in the stall next to yours when you do. He takes his time—undresses slowly, folding his dirty gym clothes even though they’re going straight into the laundry; sets his shampoo and conditioner and body wash out on the bench in the order that he’s going to use them; turns the knob to just the right angle to get the right temperature and waits for it to heat up until he can see the steam saturating the air.

By the time Sakusa’s under the water, massaging shampoo through his hair and feeling the sweat slough off his skin along with the shower spray, you’re done with your pre-shower skincare, padding over from the sinks to the stalls and picking—predictably—the one next to his. He has to strain himself to hear it over the sound of splashing water but he does hear it: your cheap pink flip-flops slapping against the tile floor, the relieved yawn in your breath as you stretch (you always stretch) and the soft rustling of fabric as you take off your clothes and deposit them in a heap on the bench.

Sakusa tilts his head up into the shower spray and feels the stray drops clinging to his eyelashes and wonders how much he’d be able to see if the walls were made of glass.

Today is Wednesday, and that means you’re going to wash your hair today because you always wash it on Wednesdays. Sakusa can already smell the shampoo you use filtering into the air. What is it? Sharper and more bitter than mint, medicinal almost—he’s considered asking you a few times what it is, but he can’t figure out a way to phrase the question.

Hey, (Y/N), tell me what product you use to wash your hair. Ever since I started jacking off in the shower to you, I can’t get off unless I’m smelling it.

That probably wouldn’t go over well.

Fuck, he’s already hard. The heat of the shower is nothing compared to the heat of his blood pumping down to his cock. Sakusa rinses through his hair quickly, freeing up his hands so he can palm his shaft and give it a tentative stroke.

Through the shower wall you give a light, soft sigh of appreciation, and Sakusa feels his cock jump in his hand. You prefer your showers hotter than he does—white puffs of steam are rising up over the gap between the stall divider and the ceiling, and you always come out flushed. The heat must feel nice, hm? He can almost see you, standing naked under the shower head in just your stupid pink flip-flops, letting rivulets of water drip down from the crown of your head to flow lower…over your shoulders, your back, your tits; your fingers lathering the shampoo through your hair, soap bubbles washing the grease away from you, draining away yesterday’s grime so you’re all fresh and squeaky clean.

You sigh again, and your voice is pushing out behind the breath. A moan, almost. Do you ever touch yourself in the shower? He’d be a hypocrite to think you shouldn’t be able to take advantage of this rare moment of privacy…it’s so hard to get time to yourself in the dorms, he can sympathize… So maybe you let your hands dip lower while you wash, shift your thighs apart so you can fit your fingers between them. Pet that puffy little cunt, push your fingers inside, feel your slick wash off in the water just to be replaced with more.

Sakusa wraps his fingers around his cock and slides his hand up the shaft, moving slowly so he can savor the light friction. Your hands would be soft, wouldn’t they? Softer than his. You don’t have calluses like he does—all that lotion you use must be doing you some good. And your hands are a lot smaller than his are…you’d probably have trouble getting one hand all the way around. You’d have to use both hands to hold him, hold his cock and pump him, jack him off…

If your hands are too small for him, what about your mouth?

The shower is so warm and you’re so close. Sakusa closes his eyes so he can breathe in that sweet medicinal smell and imagine you in here with him.

Your mouth. Soft lips, no makeup, just your natural color dampened from the water and your spit and his precum, closed around him, stretched around him to accommodate for the mass of his cock sitting in your mouth. Little pink tongue flicking out to tease the tip, lapping flat at the underside and then kissing it. You’d be a tease, a fucking tease. Looking up at him with those eyes, batting your eyelashes over your dewy-wet cheeks as you try to swallow him a little deeper. He’d tangle his fingers around the back of your head, push the strands of wet hair away from your face, pull your mouth up and down on his cock while the water splashes down around the two of you—

There’s a click of a cap popping shut and your shoes smacking wetly against the floor while you reach over to grab another bottle. You’re humming to yourself—a song Sakusa’s heard on his friends’ playlists and at parties but he doesn’t know the lyrics. Sometimes you sing in the shower (always softly, under your breath, so quiet he’d barely be able to hear if he wasn’t listening) but today you just hum. Maybe you’d sing out loud if he wasn’t there?

You’re probably being considerate to him...you do seem like the type. After all, you must be as aware of his presence three feet away from you as he is of yours. You probably think about him in the shower too.

Sakusa’s hips buck forward, pushing his dick through his hand as he pumps it with no real technique or rhythm, just trying to match the pace of his breathing to what he can hear of yours. The heat of his impending climax is coiling low in his belly, even though it hasn’t been long—it never takes long when he’s thinking about you. You’ve practically become a part of his own morning routine, to the point where he couldn’t even get off when he went home for spring break a few weeks ago. When the two of you move out of the dorms and go your separate ways, it’s going to be annoying. He should really stop this, wean himself off you while he can…not that he really wants to.

Your voice isn’t bad when you sing, but it’d be a lot better moaning his name.

People fuck in the showers. Sakusa knows that, he’s heard them himself and always been acutely disgusted at the filth of it all. Dorm bathrooms are notoriously foul—there’s a reason people wear shoes when they’re showering, and the thought of people actually fucking in here makes his skin crawl. But with you? He can see it, he can feel it—the soft fat of your thighs in his hands, skin dimpling under his grip as he holds you up; your arms twisted around his neck hugging into him; the hot water streaming over both of your bodies as his cock slaps into your pussy, burying into that tight wet heat.

Sakusa grits his teeth to stifle a groan and wonders if you heard it, and then he’s feeling around for the memory of your sleepy “Good morning, Kiyoomi” and warping your voice in his mind until he can almost hear your lips wrapping around his name, panting it, whimpering it, choking it out between pleas for him to fuck you harder—Kiyoomi, please, fuck me fuck me just like that, fuck my little pussy til I can’t walk straight Kiyoomi I need you!

God, he wants to hear it, he wants to say your name, wants you to know he’s jacking off to you. Sakusa’s hand speeds up and his hips are thrusting into his fist, the water making wet clicking noises every time his cockhead moves up past his fingers as he imagines fucking you right here in this shower. He’d make you cum, make you clench and tighten around him, make you wake up the entire goddamn floor with your screaming, and—fuck, he’s mouthing out the syllables, and then he can hear his own voice out loud and he’s saying your name—

“K-Kiyoomi?”

Your actual voice—lifted, high and clear as a bell ringing even stifled by the stall and the rushing water hits Sakusa and he flinches—and cums, cock jerking under his grip as the sticky white fluid shoots out to coat his hand. It’s good, so good, so fucking good, you said his name, you said it, fucking perfect—the release passes over him so forcefully that he has to hold his breath to bite back the stuttered hiss of pleasure from deep in his throat.

“Kiyoomi?” you ask again from the other stall, voice uncertain. “Did you say my name? I thought I heard you…”

It takes him a long moment to catch his breath, and another to work up enough control to straighten and raise his hand to the spray, letting the cum wash off his skin and down the drain in cloudy white trickles. “I didn’t.”

“Oh, sorry! Guess I imagined it.” You’re back to your cheerful self, humming that brainless melody and soaping yourself up without a care in the world. So gullible. Like always. And it’s not like Sakusa wanted to get caught, but…he can’t help wondering what you’d do if you knew.

Maybe you’d hate him. Maybe you’d call him a creep, stop showering when he does, avoid his gaze when you pass each other in the halls.

Or maybe you’d be into it.

Sakusa finishes his shower at the same time you do, so he can catch you just as you step out of the stall. “Oh—“ you start, barely keeping yourself from bumping into his chest. “Oops!”

Your face is stained pink from the heat of the shower…or maybe it’s the way you’re staring at his bare chest that’s making you blush. Sakusa’s not flattering himself—he knows he’s good-looking, knows what the years of athletics have done for him, and you are staring—but just for a moment before you catch yourself and right your gaze back up to his face, absently watching him towel off his hair. The fact that you let your eyes stray a little gives him permission to do the same, so he takes a moment to examine the lines of your shoulders, your soaked hair sticking to your neck, the dip of your cleavage under the fluffy white robe you’re wearing.

You smell good, all soft and wet and clean. Sakusa can’t help imagining if you taste that good, too.

“Um…s’cuse me,” you say after a moment when he doesn’t move to let you pass through the walkway. You could try to skirt around him, but he’s so big.

“What shampoo do you use?”

You blink and pat your hair self-consciously. “It’s, uh, tea tree oil? It has peppermint and lavender and stuff too I think, it’s really good for waking up in the morning—sorry, I know some people don’t like the smell—“

“No, it doesn’t bother me.” Sakusa’s eyes narrow before he steps out of the way to let you walk past.

I like it, he wants to add. But he doesn’t.

[yyukhei]

hi just found your account and uuuh if you wanna spill the tea about miss "i ruin ppl's lives for a living" sasaeng please do i can't believe she still walks around freely without a care in the world

BUCKLE IN KIDS THIS IS GONNA BE A LONG POST and same like it's very disturbing that SM is giving her a silver platter to stalk the boys. 

The sasang I was specifically referring to is fttm (flytothemoon0), who stalks many of the boys but particularly stalks Yangyang of WayV these days. She hates Kun and Lucas with a passion, and is likely one of the multiple sasangs that made the fake accusations against Lucas (I'll show evidence of all this under the cut so you can come to your own conclusion.)

As a quick summary, here are literally just a few pieces of evidence of her stalking/following YY to unannounced schedules, along with invasive pictures taken in inappropriate places, etc etc. 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16

There's plenty more, but you can just check out her account to see them yourself. Anyway, here's all about her under the cut (bc this is going to be loooonnngggg. She's been stalking the neos since debut)

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She has followed and harassed the boys so many times that they started snapping back a while ago. She was taking photos of them going to the bathroom, following them to undisclosed filming locations, calling them nonstop, and booking the same flights, etc etc.

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The boys got so annoyed that Lucas started snapping pictures of her back (likely in a "see how it feels?" way) and later that day Lucas was still so upset he started posting on his bbl about it

She was getting into arguments with Kun badly enough that she tried to start false rumors about him being a bully predebut

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Even today she continuously follows them EVERYWHERE. I'm not sure how she keeps getting in, but I've read before that she's an SM higher-up's relative (daughter? idk?) and that's why she's given special treatment.

You can see here she was allowed directly behind the boys by SM staff (no one else was allowed anywhere near that close) and was even chatting with them.

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In this post that WayV made that day, people think Hendery specifically ducked down so that you could clearly see her sitting in the front row, where she's hiding her face.

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Many people (like me) believe that she, along with other sasangs (there have been about 4 ppl linked to the account that made the false accusations against Lucas) made the fake cheating post and created the whole scandal bc Lucas kept fighting back at her.

If anyone wants to check out everything that's been debunked about the Lucas allegation, feel free to check out this account. Just be ready to read some heavy opinions and arguments, as OP is quite...blunt...😅

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Also, to explain why I said she also recently tried to start a Johnny scandal