#and I see one more 'you don't understand this is abuse /s!! lol I'm so smart by parodying those losers!!'

[the-rose-owl]

I'm going to lose my mind. Why do some people think that humans just have the magical ability to interpret animal behavior completely by intuition and have it never be wrong ever

[ddollfface]

God, I love golden retriever men so much.

*Intensely staring at my fav athlete*

Now, that I have a brainrot~

1. Our lovely Athlete with a nerd darling.

- This would be funny. It is giving black cat × golden retriever. So hard.

- Darling has anemia? She's used to sitting around and reading? Can't walk too long to save her life? He's fucking carrying her everywhere.

- Can you imagine darling bringing a book about his sport (I don't know if you've mentioned what he plays) to the game and reading as they watch him play cuz they don't know crap about sports? He'd be so, "But you're supposed to be watching me." :Insert puppy eyes:

- He's isolating darling? Eh, Darling needs a 4 hour nap after every social gathering anyway.

Ok but-

2. Him with a nerd darling who's a childhood best friend, where darling has a childhood filled with emotional and physical abuse. (I'm finna design a whole ass character to ship him with. If you don't mind, of course.)

- This.

- Don't let me get started on this.

- They would be so power couple coded fr. (Darling knows Athlete is trying to manipulate her. Doesn't care as long as she's getting taken care of.)

- Darling is snarky with a S.

- Darling: "The cheerleader was flirting with you."

Athlete: "I know. :3"

Darling: "Go marry her."

Athlete: "But you're the love of my life. :("

Darling: "Oh, really? I could've sworn it was Cindy instead. Go to her, shoo."

Athlete: "No."

Darling: "Who's bestie are you?"

Athlete: "Yours."

Darling: "Exactly."

- Don't let this fool you, tho. He's def the dominant one in the relationship.

Athlete: "You're my baby :D."

Darling: "Mhmm. Don't say that infront of anyone else."

Athlete: "Why not?"

Darling: "I'll bite your head off, that's why."

(spoiler, he says it in front of everyone and darling does nothing but get shy.)

Darling: "Why would you say that?"

Athlete: "Becuz you're my baby?"

Darling: *cuddles closer to him.* *Whispering* "I'm his baby."

- 💗 anon (if I may) (also, he's my baby now, thank you. I'm keeping him in my head and heart.) (It's so late at night. I just keep thinking about this 😭 and I can't put my thoughts into proper words rn, bear with me on this)

𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐈

𝗟𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗦𝗶𝗰𝗸!𝗔𝘁𝗵𝗹𝗲𝘁𝗲 𝘅 𝗮𝗳𝗮𝗯!𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿

Trigger Warnings; yandere behaviors, possessive behavior, talk about trauma bonding (both reader and yandere or mentally ill), yandere masking, bad writing, and me rambling (I'm so sorry 💗Nonny lol) If I missed anything, then please let me know ♡ I offically declare you 💗Nonny!! And I don't mind you coming up with your own interpertations of reader and LoveSick!Athlete! Just share 'em! Also, I may or may not have gone on a tiny, just tiny, tangent, so sorry 💗Nonny... Feel free to submit more asks if 'ya want

LoveSick!Athlete can really mold and mend well with most personalities and darlings, this is due to his manipulative personality. A little off-topic, but he really has a hard time understanding who he is because he's always pretending to be what others deem "acceptable". This causes him to have a multitude of identity crises, but when his darling, you, comes into the picture, it makes it easier for him to find himself. He feels like he's the real him whenever he's with you. You just feel so natural, he feels natural, too. It's just right.

And for that reason, I think LoveSick!Athlete would go really well with a childhood!reader, seeing as she's been with him since they were young. And, I'm not too sure if you've read my Yan!Alphabet for him, but I mention LoveSick!Athlete's childhood; let's just say it wasn't the best situation for a kid.

LoveSick!Athlete would feel a special bond with his darling now, seeing as they've been together threw thick and thin. He's trama bounded to you, and you to him. We'll run off the assumption that reader has also had a bad childhood, whether it be an absent parent, abusive sibling/family member/or parent, whatever it is allows you to feel a connection to LoveSick!Athlete, seeing as you have a mutual situation. You both have something to bond over, something that locks you together.

He has a bad home environment, you have a bad home environment. He doesn't feel at home, so you become his home, and he to you.

And I like to run on the assumption that reader is all talk, no bite. And if you've read any of my writing where the reader talks, you'll see that I prefer to write reader as more "real" (to me anyway) because I'm personally not the hugest fan of the "helpless" reader. I like to write a darling who has a mouth, someone who's bratty (but that's 'cause I'm a brat lol).

Anyway, I'm getting off-topic, back to LoveSick!Athlete.

To your idea about a snarky reader, I totally agree. Honestly, LoveSick!Athlete would eat that shit up, no joke. He would love it, as he enjoys the back-and-forth between you two. He loves to press your buttons, wanting to see what sarcastic reply you have ready for him.

The thing is, he knows your just talking shit, never willing to actually do anything. You just run your mouth, and he lets you, but whenever you step outta line, sometimes, he's gotta put you back. Though, you'll never think of it like that. No, no, he's too sweet for that. He's gotta keep that golden retriever vibe going, y'know?

He just swat you on the ass, telling you that you got such a dirty mouth, mamas? I thought you were my little princess, no? Girls with a face like yours shouldn't be speakin' that like-

He'll just move on, as if he didn't just grope your butt, nope, not at all. And you'll be standing there awestruck, face red, and biting your tongue as you try to not overheat in embarrassment!!

It never ceases to entertain him, watching your face widen with surprise whenever he refers to you as his girl, his cute little girlfriend. The way your face heats up when he wraps his strong arm around your waist, putting his cap on your head (a silent sign of possession over you, trying to get the guy in the back to keep his eyes to himself, but you don't need to know that ;)).

In your little monologue, you go over some cheerleader girl (named Cindy??). Though I would agree that chicks (and some dudes) practically flock around LoveSick!Athlete, I would say that he doesn't even pay them any mind, not even entertaining the thought. Don't get me wrong, he'll talk to them, but make it painstakingly clear that he's only got one girl on his mind, you.

Most of the time, the girl will just find it endearing, slapping his shoulder, and telling him that he'd make a great husband or some shit like that. Of course, the chicks joking, making some nice comments to leave the, now awkward, conversation, but LoveSick!Athlete will take it to heart. Now, he's imagining a pretty ring on your finger, something he paid for, he got you. Because he'd be such a good provider for you, don't you know?

Another thought, 'cause I'm on a role, but I'm not sure if I've directly said this or not, but LoveSick!Athlete is a hockey player. I've tried putting strickly hockey photos on all my posts (you should see my Pinterest feed, it's filled with hot guys lolol).

Hockey is an aggressive sport, I would know. I used to ice skate every day for an hour or two. And, trust me, I got to see a lot of hot guys, though I was always too nervous to say anything, that's beside the point.

I can imagine that reader would be the same, intimidated by these testastrone-filled, young men who just wanna get all sweaty and gross. And I prefer to think that reader also doesn't know how to skate, much to LoveSick!Athlete's enjoyment.

Just to torture you, he'll take you to his ice rink, partly wanting to show you off, and also wanting you to rely on him to move around. He won't even let you hold onto the side, nope, all you got is him, babes.

And anyone who's been to a rink before knows that if you're not on the wall, or smack in the middle of the rink, you're in traffic, especially if it's busy. And this means that you gotta go fast, keeping pace with everyone else. And there's always a handful of assholes (usually hockey players) who will purposefully do a hockey stop, flinging a shit tone of ice at newbies.

I imagine that this shit would happen all the time and LoveSick!Athete is enjoying it sm. He gets a rush every time you flinch, clinging onto him tighter, especially when the really fast skaters zoom by you, scaring the crap outta you.

And he won't let you go at your own pace, forcing you to follow his lead. This means you're going far too fast for comfort, leaning on him for support. You're arms wrapped around his bicep, which isn't recommended btw. Your cheek pressed against his arm, holding on for dear life.

You'll snap at him, telling him to shut up and stop enjoying this, you dork. I'm only clinging to 'cause I gotta!

And he'll just take it, giving you a lopsided smirk.

[take-everything-you-can]

Put Your Head On My Shoulder

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

A/N: This Fandom has given me the most inspiration I've had in years and this is a thank you to every single one of you. This idea spurred from one too many drinks and unhinged DMs and I'm so excited to share it with you guys. So here goes nothing lol. A special thanks to my lady loves @lesservillain , @ghost-proofbaby , @bettyfrommars , and @bimbobaggins69 for beta reading and letting me fill your inboxes with all my little thots for our little gremlin man !

P.S : BEFORE I GET INTO ANYTHING THIS STORY IS 18+ MINORS NEED TO GTFO PLEASE AND THANK YOU !!!!! Also please remember to like and reblog from your creators It keeps the fandom alive !!! ( honestly don't know what I would do without ya'll )

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Female Reader ( Pumpkin )

Summary: A 1950's daydream of malt shop kisses and doo wop singles far behind closed doors. Dreamboat Eddie Munson picks up more than just an extra route. A love that makes you weak in the knees... but how long can you go on loving a man that isn't the one your married to.

TW: Angst- mentions of an affair (adultery), verbal abuse mentions, mentions of weight ( mentions of food within the story throughout), disordered eating, feeling unloved, self deprecation slightly, staying with toxic partner Fluff- pet names, domestic bliss, mutual pining Smut- fingering, soft touches, overstimulation slightly very slight, unprotected PIV, cream pie, spanking,..... tbh i can't think of anymore but if you see any please let me know ... Thank you all so much. ( every chapter will get updated tw)

WC: 4.1K

Flour covers the countertop in your kitchen, and a rolling pin is set to the side while you knead the soft pastry ingredients together. Apples sit freshly peeled in a separate dish. Sliced and added to sugar and cinnamon. Picking up the rolling pin, you do your best to flatten the dough to a thin sheet and mold it to the glass dish before you. 

“Well, this dough is much better than the first,” you say aloud to yourself. Your husband once told you that speaking out loud to yourself was a sign of a weak mind, you never put much stock in that. But here you were doing exactly that as your days consist of waiting for your husband to return home from work. 

You splash a bit of vanilla into the apple mixture to complete your pie filling. Once it is all tucked neatly beneath the fluffy dough, you take a knife and leave four little holes within the surface and crimp the edges together, sealing the flavors within. A touch of sugar is added to the top along with an egg wash before placing the pie on a rack in the oven. A timer is set for twenty minutes, a reminder to lower the temperature and to add your special ingredient.

Soft music plays throughout the house, Billie Holiday and Ella Fitzgerald keep you company on these long lonely days. Lonely but only for such a short time. Your husband works for the state doing something he thinks you're too dumb to understand so why talk about it? If anyone ever asks you simply say ‘Oh please you think a woman wants to know such things’. That usually earns you a laugh at cocktail parties and a warm smile from your man. If you could even call him that. 

Yes, he is your man in the sense that your last names are the same and you had shared the same bed. Where is the love though? It isn’t tangible and hasn’t been for quite some time now. Your day begins and ends with a few words apart from an I love you. You served him still, acted to the prying eyes, as a doting Wife. Four years and Everyone still thought you had a perfect life. 

That dream of white picket fences and shared milkshakes. That love of never-ending kisses and satisfying sex. Everyone around you wanted all that you had. Would they still want your life if they could see past those closed doors and shut curtains? 

Would they want to spend their mornings hiding the bags under their eyes from nights of restless sleep? Would they want to have a constant monologue of the flaws seen in the mirror? Ones that your oh-so-loving husband pointed out to you time and time again. Would they want to cook and clean knowing they would never receive a thank you? No, you knew they wouldn’t. All the small things that build and grow until it becomes a monotonous routine. Walking through days as if the next would be the exact same and then doing it all again and again, Until one day something changed. 

Two months prior A knock on the door, one that started to come once a week. The company of CC & Drums Dairy was paid to bring you a gallon of milk, A necessity your husband called it. A man with long dark locks that flowed over his shoulder and curls that dipped across his forehead under his cap. Deep Brown eyes that sparkled with flecks of amber as the sun hit him just right. Dressed in white overalls to comply with his company uniform and sleek black shoes that shine just as brightly as his smile. His name tag reads Eddie in a sweet embroidered cursive. Eddie, a name that would soon become something you would never forget. 

Your timer goes off as you check the pie, squeezing a lemon over the crust for that citrus tang. Slipping the dessert back into the oven, for another half hour or so, a knock sounds through the house, sending the butterflies in your stomach in a tizzy. Eddie had arrived.

A quick task of undoing the strings to your apron and a fast fix of hair in the mirror you had hung in the hall. A hand to your abdomen as you intake a breath and let it stagger out between your lips, hesitating to open the door. The second you see him you can feel the way the tops of your cheeks heat and plump with a smile. One that matches his.

 You take a second and wonder if he knows how handsome he is. The way the small lines beside his eyes crinkle with years of use. You wonder if he knows that the instant you see him, your heart stops beating. But most of all you wonder if you're the only one those soft eyes and long lashes catch in his gaze. 

“Afternoon darling, I must say this heat wave has got to be breaking records. Ought not keep these out here too long.” as he lifts the small crate of glass bottles holding the product out.

 You knew better than to take it from him, even if every bone in your body screamed too. The last time you tried you nearly flipped the whole crate, underestimating the weight. From that day on you always stood to the side as you let Eddie into your home to set the dairy in your kitchen. It was another thing you wondered about him. Did he do this for everyone else too?

“ Well let's not keep them then sir.” standing to the side he slides past you brushing a hand across the elbow you held to the door. His way of saying hello. Small touches here and there as he could never keep his hands to himself for too long in your presence.

“ Something smells awful delicious in her ma’am.”

“An Apple pie is in the oven, maybe you’ll stay and have a slice. For your troubles of course.” 

“Mhmm, my troubles.” Eddie sat the crate on the counter next to the ice box and turned his body towards you and enveloped you in his stronghold. An intoxicating embrace as he pulled you flush to his body. 

“ I missed you, you know that pretty girl?” soft tone, almost a whisper. A small smile he couldn't see but could feel made its way to your face. 

“I bet you say that to all the girls on your route.” he lets out a small chuckle.

“Only the breathtaking ones.” a falter to your features as your mind reeled with all the possibilities.

 Does he miss Mrs.Cunningham the way he misses you? Does he miss Ms.Buckley the same? That sick green monster finds its way under your skin as you think of all the girls he must have at his beck and call. But today that monster wasn’t going to ruin the few fleeting moments you could spend with him. You needed Eddie in the most carnal of ways.

“Do you want to know what I missed? “ Your fingers trail their way from the small of his back and up over his shoulder, landing on his neck just below his ear. Cupping his face you bring it down and catch his lips as they meet yours. 

“Oh yeah? you missed me too Pumpkin?” a second crash of your lips to his, makes him hum from the back of his throat. His nose nudges yours to the left so his teeth can catch your bottom lip, pulling back slightly to hear the small whine you emit.

“I always miss you, Eddie.”  His hands travel down over your figure as he starts to ruffle the hem of your dress up. Thankful for its length to hide how wet you had become just from him being in the home you share with your spouse. A topic you and Eddie tried to steer clear of, but the wrongness of the act just felt so right. 

Over a year your husband hadn’t touched you, barely talked to you and some days you were even sure he hadn't even looked in your direction. Eddie though, In the last two months, Eddie had made you feel seen. He made you feel heard, and most of all he made you feel desired.  

As his hand finds the thin cotton that covers your cunt he glides his digits over the wet patch that had grown by just the thought of him. A deep hum and a small huff of breath from Eddie against your neck as he kissed his way to your shoulder. 

“So wet for me and I've barely even touched you. Are you that starved for affection?” The words forming in that sweet small surrender to him were all but cut off as he slid a finger through your folds and teased your entrance. A gasp was the response he got, one he loved to hear in protest every time he had you. 

“C’mon honey tell me what you want.” how could you respond to him with words if you couldn't even think of them? The man before you had spent the last few months discovering just how to make you melt in his arms.

 He knew that the spot behind your knee was his best friend for when he had you on your back. He knew the way your hips stutter when you're close to your peak, and he knew that if your eyes found that they couldn't stay open that you were in utter bliss.

 His favorite thing he had learned throughout your time together though was that even when he knew you had your doubts, you still trusted him in every sense of the word. 

After only two months Eddie knew you better than you know yourself. Better than your husband had ever cared to know you.

“ Please, Eddie.” He smiled down at you 

“ Please What Honey?” 

“ Dip in Eddie, Fuck me please.”  He could feel the slackening of your legs as his assault on your clit had made you a bit sensitive, in his focus on making you feel as good as he possibly could, in what little time he had with you. He slid two of his thick fingers into your dripping heat as his thumb stayed in a rhythm that matched his wrist as he curled in and let the sounds of his efforts echo off the small kitchen walls. 

Moaning into Eddie's ear as his finger worked in and out of you making that heat inside of you grow higher and higher. Clutching the strap of his overalls, a small pull leaning back, as the pleasure he was giving you kept climbing. 

“ Come on now baby, let go.” A final intake of air, hold on to the breath that led you to your walls squeezing eddies fingers tight. That coil snapped as you let your body fall slack against him a loud moan from the farthest depths within you found its way out of your lungs. 

When your eyes land on Eddie after your come down all you can see is that smile. The dimple-creasing smile that kept haunting your dreams at night. 

“I need more.” You didn’t know how but his smile grew even wider and more sinister as his tone began to deepen. A kiss is pressed to your lips, not urgent, understanding. 

“ You need more? Well, it's a damn good thing that what you're asking for is in stock then Pumpkin.” He turned you around to face the small table that sat in your kitchen, knowing what he wanted from you. He wasn’t the only one taking notes from your time together. 

You braced yourself against the worn wood and clutched the sides of it as you heard the familiar clinks of metal as his rings fumbled with the buckle of his belt.  

The wait, though it is small, is brutal. Anticipation makes your stomach flip and cunt flutter. A shuffle out of his overalls gives Eddie a moment to just admire the way you listen so well. These small moments have him thanking every bad decision that got him here. To this small town, with this small job, on this small route. A route he picked up as a last resort. Yeah, he doesn't know who he's praying to but whoever is listening, he's singing grace. 

A grip in the slight pudge of your hips to keep himself steady, Eddie is gentle as he slips his cock through your folds gathering your slick over his length and breaching your desire. A deep moan and a few choice words fall from Eddie as he fills you and meets the small wavering gasp you let out, a breath you didn't know you had been holding.  A whine of impatience, his sign to move. 

A soft speed turns ravenous as his dick uses your walls to curve his hooks into you deeper and deeper. A sigh of his name and you can feel the stutter in his thrust. He slows his pace if only to keep himself from having to leave your presence all too soon.  

"Fuck darling, so good to me, taking me so well like this pussy was made for me."  You mewl from beneath him, dropping your forehead to the wood that is holding you up. You fear that if it had not been here your legs would have given up the second he started talking. "Isn't that right pumpkin? Made just for me? " A sharp thrust and you know he wants an answer in the way his grip turns bruising. A trip through your mind as you try and collect the words from thin air. 

"YES! God yes, I was made just for you." 

"Such a good girl for me baby. That's right, isn't it? You're all mine aren't you?"  Another squeeze to your hip and a smack that lands hard on your ass. Eddie's palm kneads the sting as you answer him. 

" All yours, all yours, no one else, just you baby." A grunt hum from the back of his throat as he grips your shoulder and leans so his body is flush with yours. His breath is on your neck as he leans to your ear. 

"Not even your husband, just you and me baby?" 

"Just you and me Ed's" Your eyes tunnel and you see white as your orgasm rushes through you, Eddie's own a thrust away as he moans deep against your skin. His body weight and yours against the kitchen table as you both find your way down from the clouds. 

Small kisses he leaves to your spine and the back of your neck. You turn your head and he places another small one to the upturned corner of your mouth. A bell chimes and you sit for a few seconds letting Eddie gather his own bearings. A small pat to the curve of your pussy as Eddie pulls the cotton back in place. A shock to your sensitivity.

"Keep that in there baby, that way you have a part of me while I'm gone." A heat to your cheeks as the thought of Eddie's cum dripping out of you while your husband sat across from you and read the paper over dinner. A sly smirk from the man you just let defile the small space, one you would let do ungodly things to you. 

You put on oven mitts as Eddie finds a few glasses in the cabinet. You slice into the flakey crust and slip through the filling as you place the large piece on a plate for you to share. Eddie pours milk as you find some silverware, he places the bottles in your fridge so they keep.

Turning with a smile, he is the definition of adoration. In your eyes he is everything. 

Why is it that when his time with you is coming to an end you almost wish it would end as soon as possible? Almost as if you would wish he would part with some harsh words to make you not want him in the most beautiful ways. You have to make yourself believe these things before he leaves because if you don’t, it would just shatter you. So you take a different route, you don’t shatter yourself, instead, you splinter and crack all the things that hold you until you see him again. The times where he glues those little shards back in place if only for you to break them off again and again. A scared thought and a small shake of your head trying to rid yourself of it. A married woman. What would he possibly want from you other than a good lay? 

He sees that doubt within your mind as if reading it. He takes your hand in his as he laces your fingers together. 

“ Penny for your thoughts Pumpkin?” You glance finally meeting his eyes as you clear your throat. 

“ Nothing important hun.” You slide a fork to his side of the table as your eyes dart to the clock.  He squeezes your hand once more, lowering his eyes in search of yours again. 

“It is important if it bothers you.” Your heart stops. The breath you were going to take gets caught in your throat and you turn on that winning smile you had trained yourself to hold in uncomfortable circumstances. One you wish he couldn't see through.

“ It’s nothing Eds, really.” 

“Do you promise?” you take a hand and cup his cheek.

 How do you tell him that he is your first thought in the morning and the last thought before falling asleep? How instead of counting sheep you try and count the freckles on his face by sheer memory?  How could you tell him you wish you were his one and only? That you have never felt about another human soul the way you feel about his. Instead, you stuff it down, apple pie soon to follow. 

“I Promise.”  

You know he doesn’t believe you but he would rather set out to sea and die of starvation as the sharks feed from him than to make the last moments he has with you tainted with fights and tears. God when you cry it absolutely destroys him. 

The first time you had ever let him take you in his arms you had just gotten off the phone with your husband. He had heard hushed words while he waited for you to grab the weekly tip your husband left for him. Your husband had informed you that he would not be coming home, as the fight from the night before had lingered into the morning and would now follow you well into the night. The first time you had opened the door Eddie studied the angelic features of your face, and they had plagued his dreams for such a long time at this point.

When you rounded the corner with a smudge of mascara beneath your eyes, he instantly without thinking took you in, pushing your face to his chest as his hand rested on the back of your head. Slight comfort made the tears begin again as he wiped the remainder of the smudge and irritation from your face. No man had ever done something as small as comforting you before.  In the two months since he had started this route, he knew he had instantly fallen head over heels in love with you.

You had taken two bites from the plate that sat in front of you and Eddie had finished the slice. He even went as far as to slide a finger in the crumbs on the plate and lick them off in an attempt to show you how much he had enjoyed it. His time with you. 

A gathering of glasses you brought to the sink as he brought the other dishes and sat them in the deep well while wrapping his arms around your waist and you stood eyes closed relishing in the last little bit of affection he could offer to you. 

A kiss to your shoulder as you turn your head resting it on his.

“I’ll be by in a week Pumpkin.” A nod to the fact you already knew. “ Seven days.” Another nod, not risking the crumble in your voice. “ Not long at all.”  Another small kiss to your cheek as you turned into his chest and rested your forehead on his. 

“Seven days?” 

“ Seven days Pumpkin. Do you think you can wait for me? Just seven days? “

“I think I could wait a lifetime for you Eddie.” 

“I’ll see you in a week, Mrs.Carver.”

“ A week Mr.Munson.” 

A kiss to your lips and a parting gift of his very own pie before he snuck out through the back door, so as to not raise suspicion. A slow walk from the kitchen to the door and to turn a lock, on your mind. On your hope. You could do this. You could wait seven days.

Your husband comes through the door late as he had been doing for the last year or so. You had expected it from him at this point. You had started to make his dinner later and later knowing that if you had made it too early he would tell you all the ways he couldn't eat it. If it had gone too cold he would refuse and the hard work would go directly into the trash. 

He walked in as you took his dinner off the stove and placed it on a dish for him.

“Right on time doll.”

“ I don’t know how on time it is, It’s Nearly eight in the evening, Jason!”     

“ I’m not doing this with you tonight.”  

He always did this. He would come home and you would ask him where he had been, and he’d always end the conversation before it could even begin. You sat his plate in front of him as you sat across the table from him. Times where you could really take him in and see that the feelings you had once long ago were snuffed out like a flame to a candle.

“ Are you not eating dear?” 

“ I ate a bit earlier in the day.”

“Thanks for waiting .”  He rolled his eyes and you returned the gesture. 

“ I wouldn’t have had to wait if you had just picked up the phone and told me when you were going to be on your way home. I’m not waiting until we hit a new day to eat Jason I’m not going hungry just so you-”

“ Wouldn’t harm you any though would it.” 

You left the table. Your weight had started to become a key focus as he knew it bothered you more than anything else. You had gained some weight and your mother and friends had commented on it from time to time. For your husband to tho, it made you furious. You ate when you were unhappy, it was something you had done since you were a child. The only person who thought you could stand to eat a little more had been Eddie. 

It happened slowly, you would make him food now and then, and the majority of the time He would offer you a bit. It started with a bite and progressed into cutting his sandwiches in half just so you could have something to eat. Unlike your husband, Eddie had a suspicion that you weren’t eating enough. Like you weren’t giving your body what it needed to survive so he would constantly ask for you to eat with him. At least then he would know you had something of substance within your day.  

You had gone to your bedroom and gotten out of your daily’s slowly separating them into their hampers waiting to hear the stomping footsteps of Jason as he made his way to the spare bedroom. He had taken residency there about a month before Eddie came into your life and you were thankful for the times that Eddie left you yearning for more. To call out another man's name while with your significant other no matter how insignificant they were would still bring you shame like no other.

Slipping into your nightgown as Jason shuts the door to his room you wait a few minutes to take the walk back down the stairs to stand in front of the sink. Looking up at the sky through the window above the stars seem to shine brightly. You attempt to find the little dipper and look for its companion not far from where it lays, the version of a larger size. Constellations begin to blur as you let the silent tears fall. Hoping that somewhere out there in this little old town, Eddie too is looking up at the moon and wishing you were by his side as you wished upon all the stars in the sky. What a long time seven days would be.

[ebonysplendor]

Infatuation 💰🏞️

TL;DR: What's worse than running away from one psychopath? Running away from six psychopaths. Even worse than that? They're rich psychopaths, with shmonies. Also, can we make a damn plan and stick to it please?!

Game Link: https://aspenglen.itch.io/infatuation

Notable Features: Self-Insert, Customizable (somewhat), Multiple Endings, Multiple LIs, Yandere LIs, 4+ hours of gameplay Spiciness: 2/5 -- It can get a little flirty and a little spicy here and there, but the main "spice" is when there's an unwanted advance from some of the LIs LI(s) Red Flags: 3.8/5 -- Kidnapping, drugging, nonconsensual sexual advances, tied up, branded, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, physical force

Wanna know more? Meh...I say not unless you're at least 16. There's not an age restriction, buuuuuuuuuut I don't feel like anyone's 12-year-old sibling should be playing this. That being said, I can't do much from behind a screen, so let's get into it!

Just a heads up, the game was long as shit, so this review is going to be long as shit;;

Oh hey. Didn't see ya there. Oh this? This is just my first post in about a month. Thought I'd just...sliiiiide on in here, get thangs swangin' again. Lol but no seriously. It has been a pretty crazy month, but I've finally got enough time and rest at the same time to finally make this review, and aha...

Respectfully...I understand that all good things must come to an end, but damn, I really miss that phase where I was running into all the really good visual novels...

That being said, I know what I said, but hear me out! The game isn't...awful...but I didn't really vibe with it. Like, I know why I didn't vibe with it, but I'd rather wait and get into all of that during the review portion. Hopefully, based on the summary I give you, the review and criticism I have will make sense.

Anyways, this game, interestingly enough, is actually a rendition -- am I using that word right? I believe I am...? -- of a story that was written on Wattpad, and don't act all brand new like you don't know what Wattpad is! You know damn well what Wattpad is because here you are playing and reading visual novels and reviews of visual novels about toxic ass men being a (forced) love interest. Don't try to play me. I'm getting distracted though!

So the name of the story on Wattpad, like the game, is Infatuation, and it's about...well actually, I'm gonna give you a summary of what it's about because this visual novel is based off of it! I was going to give the actual story a read after I finished the visual novel but, uh...

Almost a 24 hour read???? Yeah, no thanks, and you'll hopefully understand why I didn't have much motivation to give it a read after my review.

I'm pretty over yapping in the intro, though, so let's head into the actual game, yeah? As per the usual, I'm going to tell you as much about the game as possible without ruining the game itself. Without a better transition sentence, let's get into it!

So boom.

We're on our way to school, and we meet up with our -- quite frankly -- thirsty ass friends. They're pretty much raving about this new group of boys that had just transferred to our school, because, not only are they super rich, they are, apparently, extremely attractive.

We pretty much brush this off, though, because we're not looking for anything romantic. Honestly, we're barely looking for anything platonic; however, we agreed to be their wingman since we're essentially God-tier at picking up men that we don't want.

That being said, by some weird stroke of luck -- or misfortune, considering we know that this is all going to go very left as the story progresses -- we proceed to run into every single one of them. And I mean

every.

single.

frickin.

one.

of.

them.

Well, kinda? The blond one had a class with the blue-haired guy, us, and the bestie. The purple haired one -- even though it's more of a burgundy? -- was in the vicinity after we had pretty much asked the other boys about him because this was the one that the besties were simping over the most. But the rest? Pretty much had a one-on-one moment with all of them, even if one was extremely douchey.

Anyways, we're kind've going about our days and the besties are still thirstin', and, admittedly, we're getting closer to these guys -- too close. One of our other friends -- his name is Hiroko -- pretty much warns us about them because something just seems real sketchy to him about these guys. That being said, we just kind've brush him off, because it's, like, sir? Who are you to talk about someone being sketchy? Like, lmao mans is a full on delinquent with a whole ass gang and a criminal history with the police, and they can't stand his ass.

He's a good sport about it, though, because even though he's like "You're a full blown dumbass for that", he's like "True, true..." and just warns us to be careful around them. Now mind you, his concern is totally fair, because it's discovered later on that they pretty much fucked up this one kid's world -- you'll have to discover how during your own playthrough, though. I ain't tellin' you all that lmao.

Now, fast forwarding a lot here, shit lowkey starts hitting the fan because the bae comes back in town -- not official bae, but still bae -- and conveniently enough, he is the brother of our two besties

Everyone. This is Kenzen; the man that we're pretty sure is gonna be our husband and baby daddy one day, maybe not even in that order, but those things exactly.

Now, the reason why shit starts hitting the fan is because all of a sudden, the school boys are starting to realize that we already have our future husband picked out. Shit proceeds to get super tense once this knowledge it learned, and the boys are start to slowly but slowly lose their shit. Allow me to show you

Exhibit A: A most vicious side-eye competition

Exhibit B: The OG death grip and growl

and Exhibit C: The comply or choose death, but drunken

Oh, and let's just throw this one in for some added flair.

And definitely this one.

And why would we not add this one?

Yep, the fan was pretty much hit with shit so...yeah lmao. Go ahead and give it a go so you can see how we ended up with the most romantic gift of a necklace and a finger.

Lmao I wasn't joking about the finger by the way.

And now to air all of my grievances...

Lol nah, I'm joking, but also...there's a lot to unpack here.

First off, let's talk about the good!

So...our psychopathic LIs. Can we just acknowledge the diversity? Like, you had your pale guy, your dark guy, your tan guy, your fair skin guy, like...? I seriously appreciate that time was taken out to actually make all the LIs look different from each other and not some copy-paste, change the eye color and hair thing. I absolutely LOVED the diversity of the LIs.

Not to mention, the MC is diverse a well! Granted, like typical, we can't really SEE it except in the occasional CG, but it was just dope that there was even an option, ya know?

Also! The concept of the story was actually pretty solid! Some of the things that happened were interesting, and I definitely had a "...Well, damn ._." moment here and there.

Now for the...not so good.

This flowed like a stereotypical Wattpad story. That's obviously no fault of the dev, but, for me, the point of renditions is to take something and make it a little better or give it some extra flair without ruining what the OG creator intended -- that didn't really happen, and that was honestly what bugged me the most out of everything.

I didn't really care that there'd be strings and strings and strings of dialogue before the next choice finally came up nor did I care that, while it appeared to be choice heavy, it was actually just an illusion on choice where it didn't really matter how you responded to certain things; it just was. But yeah, the pacing was...well, let me expose myself a little (don't come after me. I'm a tiny and cozy blog lol)

If you make posts on tumblr, then you know what this is. For those that don't know and/or can't guess what it is, this shows the interaction that my blog gets or my "activity" more accurately. The reason why I brought this out was because...this was how the story's pacing was.

First, it'd be on a steady progression, and then it'd drone on and on and on into a plateau, but then -- out of no where -- shit will randomly escalate and just take off into this fit of drama...but then it'd quickly drop. There was no real flow, and when there was, it'd be super inconsistent. Not to mention, the wishy-washiness of the MC and the unpredictability of the LIs (which duh, right?), the pacing would just take off and then would come to a dead stop. It's like there was no balance between the narration, the drama, and the transitions to the next scene. Like, yeah, you've gotta story tell, obvi, but don't drone on for-- actually I can show you that as well.

Did you notice how long that clip was? Imagine how long it took to read...

That was just straight up narration, and there was multiple times where this happened. Nothing really happening, no choices to make, just straight up narration. Well, no, I lied a little. Things did happen, but once again, it'd come out of no where. It, quite literally, will go from having a normal conversation, and then the yandere side just comes out totally unprovoked. Like? It's honestly more for shock factor than for story, and it got to a point where I was honestly just tired of the game itself and was wanting it to end...but it ended up being 3 hours longer, and I'm not even joking about that. Once again, I can show you.

This was the point I started getting ill with the game but felt that I was towards the end and pushed on to finish it out

This was when I realized that I was clearly wrong about that being "almost the end" and took pretty much another 3 hours to get through.

And yes, for the most part, I played it in one sitting with the exception of when I got me a little snacky snack and went to pee. Oh? You're curious about what time I started playing?

Around 5 hours beforehand...

Notice that that all says 19 June 2024. I have never been so glad to see the ending screen...

It wasn't even because it was bad! It was just. so. extremely. long. And for, what felt like, no reason to be that long. Granted, I could've stopped and saved and came back, but it always felt like I was either getting to the end or to a good part, and it just never came -- not that there wasn't any good parts, but...never mind, I feel like I make it worse the more I try to explain...

Anyways, the game wasn't awful by any means, but it definitely could use some improvement. The whole thing had good potential, the pacing of it really just killed it for me, and had that been better executed? This would've been a great game, but it's honestly just...decent. It had multiple endings, but outside of each of the yandere LIs' ending? I didn't bother trying to get the others.

Even still, while I don't recommend the game, I think it's still worth giving it a casual playthrough! There's plenty of material to read, and there are some interesting parts! Like I said, it's just a pacing issue. Not to mention the MC was pissing me off with that wishy-washy bullshit. Like, bro, survival is at the top of the list. Why are you making a plan and doing the exact opposite of what you were gonna do? Like, what the fuck is you doin'?!

You'll understand it when you play it yourself so...give it a fair try? Here, I'll even put the link here! Heck, and give the dev some encouraging words and, even though I didn't see it, some monetary support! The game itself was honestly fine! It was just the storytelling needed some work, which lowkey isn't even their fault because it was based off of a Wattpad story (I'll link that again here, by the by).

Okay, this review is about to be the same length as the game. I'm going to go ahead and head out of here. Just to reiterate, the game is free! Giving it a casual playthrough never hurts! I mean, what've you got to lose except about 4 - 6 hours?

Okay, really, I'm out of here now! Remember! Drink water, don't be dumb, and hope to see you around~!

Infatuation

[sophswritingthings]

NVM FIGURED OUT PART 7 LOL

So after reader calmed down by Mizu she opens up about how her childhood was always weighing down on her due to be one of the oldest in he family (she has 3 older brothers and this will probably be important later down in the other parts.) and how it was always expected of her to exceed.

She starts to say how her mom even ran away from her dad due to how demented he is and how controlling and manipulative he is. Then talks about how her only sense of security is her three older brothers who suddenly went missing. (They're alive don't worry).

Then Mizu starts to talk about her childhood and past which made reader cry again. Then reader realizes she needs to leave her home in the mountains because she keeps getting ambushed bro 🤬🤬. So she walks into town and declares she's leaving to al of the townsfolk she's been with for year's.

Then she becomes a travelling doctor with her travelling Samurai wife 😸😸😸

(Honestly not my most creative ask but I'm literally in a restaurant rn)

pairing: mizu x fem!apothecary!reader 

warning(s): swearing, mentions of abuse

a/n: YAYYYY PART 7!! let’s go baby let’s GOOOO

summary: you and your wife have a heart-to-heart talk about your pasts. you decide to finally leave the mountains; leaving behind the memories of your past with them. 

word count: 1,100 words / 5,790 characters 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“come on, my love,” mizu whispered, lifting you up bridal style in her arms. she carries you to your bathhouse stripping down your blood soaked clothes and settling you in the bath.

she does the same with her own clothes, sliding in beside you. she rests your head on her shoulder, brushing her fingers through your now wet hair.

“mizu..?” 

you pipe up, your voice quiet. 

“yes?” she murmurs back, her hand still combing through your hair in an attempt to keep you calm. 

“could I… open up to you, about something? like.. my.. childhood?” you turn your gaze fully on her, gazing up into the beautiful blue eyes.

“of course,” she presses a gentle kiss atop of your head.

“it’s always been such a weight on my chest. as if someone was always lying on my chest, suffocating me,” you take in a deep breath. “I was one of the oldest kids in the family; I have three older brothers and a younger brother and a younger sister.”

you breathe deeply. it’s obviously difficult for you to talk about; mizu can see that. she doesn’t want you to hurt. she rubs the back of your head as you begin to speak again.

“I always had to be perfect; I was the eldest girl, I was to be married off to a high-ranking man, blacken my teeth, and move my family up in the world,” you narrow your eyes. “and when I couldn’t be that; I was beat. the idea of perfection was literally beat into me.”

you chuckle a little; trying to lighten the mood, if only a little.

“my mom ran away when I was about sixteen. she escaped my father, thank fucking god,” you sigh. “my dad was always controlling and manipulative with us; but god, especially her. and I had to just… watch it happen. I couldn’t do anything or I’d be the subject of his anger.”

mizu is staring at you. her eyes are wide as the moon; and she looks terrified. yet she looks empathetic; like she understands you. It looks like she’s never understood you more.

“the only comfort I ever had were my older brothers. they taught me everything I know about medicine!” you smile, gazing at up at her. than your gaze downcasts, back to the water, “they went missing, not too long ago. I went back to try and find them. they were gone.”

she nods, slowly moving her hands about the steaming water. she looked to be… contemplating, something.

“yeah. yeah, I had a pretty shitty childhood, too,” she whispers. “I was always believed to be a monster. an onryō. which is pretty apparent.” she scoffs. 

you place a hand comfortingly on her shoulder, squeezing it a little. you never thought of her as a monster; all you saw was your beautiful, strong wife.

“my mother never let me go outside; she cut off all my hair, and told me I always had to be a boy—that the bad men were looking for a girl—a girl,” she whispered her last two words. “she would hit me when I tried to go outside. I—just wanted to be like the other children.. but I never could be like them. I was a monster; a demon. I—still am.”

“no,” you narrow your eyes. “you are not a monster and you never were, mizu—“ you can feel yourself getting teary eyed, again, sniffling as you look up at your wife. “—you are my wife. the woman I love; I never saw a monster. and I don’t think I ever will.”

she rests her head against your shoulder, nodding as she closed her eyes in your warmth.

“I-I love you,” you whisper, wrapping your arms around your knees.

“I love you too, my love.”

the next morning you awoke, lying naked in bed with mizu wrapped around you. you were safe and warm in her arms; that much was true.

but the mountains—the mountains were not safe.

as you got up and got dressed, you moved about your house. the place you had lived since you had escaped your fathers grasp; the place that had brought you safety in such horrible times.

but you believed it had served its purpose. 

It served as a cover when you were unsafe, when you were at your lowest.. but.. now—

the man who made you so unsafe in this world was dead.

there was no reason for you to hide anymore. you had love, you had light—it was all different now; and this house only held the bad memories of pain and hiding.

it was time you left.

once mizu had woken up, still groggy and half asleep, you brought the idea to her.

“are you sure?” she questioned, her eyes wide under those glasses. “I haven’t yet gotten the information on where I am going.”

“yes,” you were already packing up medicines and food to bring with you. “we can always nestle into a small town, and I could work for a shop for a little; if we need the rest. but I don’t believe it will take that long.”

you were smiling. you were… excited to leave the home you!d known for so long, weirdly.

she lent down and kissed your cheek, “if you're sure,” she nestled her hat onto her head. 

“I’m sure, mizu,” you smile softly.

“than let’s get on with it,” she offers you her hand. 

“I'd like to let the townspeople know first… is that okay? they’re gotten so used to me, and I’ve made so many friends, here..” your voice trails off.

“of course,” she takes you by the hand, and you make your way down the mountain. 

once into the town, you stand atop of a fountain, with the help of mizu who’s holding your hand because she’s too scared you'll fall in.

“um, excuse me? everyone?”

your voice bellows through the small square; catching the townspeople’s attention. it wasn’t a big area; so they all knew you. and you knew all of them.

“I'd like to let you all know that I’ll be leaving the town,” gasps and murmurs surrounded you. “there’s no need to speculate why, it’s nothing scandalous. I simply need to do this; and I will be leaving with my husband,” you gesture to mizu beside you. “my apprentice will be running the shop from now on. I wish all of you well and good fortune for the rest of your time.”

you step off of the fountain, still clasping mizu's hand. you gaze up at her, smiling tenderly.

“ready?”

“ready.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a/n: that mizu gif she’s like fuck out my way taigen

[hazshit-hotel-hater]

The way substance abuse has been handled on the show thus far genuinely upsets me and reeks of writers who either 1.) don't understand the subject matter they're presenting and haven't done even the bare minimum to research it or, worse, 2.) simply don't care.

Apologies for the slight rant incoming, your comment about how it has been mostly "handled" off-screen got me going because that's 100% true and in that truth is such a missed opportunity for the show. The way it has been handled winds up feeling incredibly shallow and juvenile at the end of the day, especially for a piece of media that is attempting to present itself as "adult" and navigate multiple incredibly sensitive topics. I'll try not to get into my own personal experiences and will speak broadly, but the show uses substance abuse more as a cheap character flaw to poke fun at or something to magically handwave away when it is inconvenient, rather than the life-altering, debilitating illness that it is.

Nothing about Angel's use is ever meaningfully explored. It's so (apparently) unimportant to his arc and development that one rude comment from Husk (a character who ALSO has a problem with gambling and alcohol that is never addressed) is all it takes for him to suddenly "resist temptation" and be shown as "recovered" (unless I'm misremembering). Or was he suddenly going to counseling off-screen too and its just another thing that will be told to us rather than shown? And how does Charlie even handle that at the Hotel (I'd be really interested in this as a moment for her character to have to grow/change too)? Does she even understand substance abuse and the many unaddressed systemic factors that can influence it? Or is the entire recovery process just shame based (because that works so well /s) combined with some more corny trust exercises? Why is this incredibly serious topic relegated to the background as if it's unimportant?

Recovery is hard. It is emotional and exhausting. Withdrawal (depending on what you're coming off of) can sometimes mean excruciating, unimaginable pain and in some cases people literally die. It is not a funny "ha-ha I take drugs because I'm chaotic and wild" quirk to be adored or glorified and it definitely should not be presented as something that can be wrapped up in a month or two off-screen without any development whatsoever. That's just insulting.

When you approach a topic like substance abuse and recovery, I personally feel you need to take in all sides of it. All the missteps that come with it (two steps forward one step back - mistakes are expected and okay), the self-loathing, the guilt and shame, the joy, the sense of freedom, the loss, and the best part of all: the incredibly difficult but liberating journey that is rebuilding your life and learning to love yourself and your body again, once you've chosen to be free and to live life.

Mad props to anyone who has ever battled this disease. You are strong, you are worth it and you are valued. Lol I am so sorry for going off here but I so appreciate you calling out the lack of exploration on this topic in the show. I guess I didn't even realize how annoyed and upset it was making me feel (praying this is coherent...).

This was absolutely coherent don’t worry!! Im really glad to see other people talking about this. I myself have not struggled with drug addiction but I have struggled with other kinds and as someone that studies a bunch of medical junk, I’d say I’m decently knowledgeable.

I’m mainly going to focus on Angel for this since he’s the main character I write for, but I assure you other characters addictions are also handled in my rewrite.

During the actual canon show, we don’t see Angel actually abusing substances that often; there’s a few times, most notably in episode 4, but from the rest of the show onward we hardly see anything. Yes in episode 6 they mentioned relapsing, which, mind you, was done horribly, but I digress. They touch on relapsing; Angel relapses, and then… what..??? What happened from that? I don’t feel upset or second hand guilt of any kind from this scene because we haven’t seen Angel’s attempts to stay sobre and off drugs.

His name is fucking Angel Dust. You don’t, I dunno, think that’d entail a higher dependency on drugs? Why do you think he named himself that?

About his name before anything else, the show has so much potential later on to talk about Angel picking out his drag name and why he chose that specifically. So much potential to explore how he views drugs and himself. He sees them as an escape and something “fun” to take his mind off of his actual life. When you die in a fucking coma and wake up in hell as a spider you’re going to want an escape. You will want to ignore reality. I am fully convinced Angel picked his name once he started performing because thats what he needed at the time. He needs to be like that to survive in hell. Angel is an incredibly mentally ill, troubled, traumatised, and unstable person, and being surrounded by so much intense negative influence only amplifies his current problems. I don’t mean to drag Vox in here but in my last redesign post I mentioned how very mildly bad people can become even worse people in hell because of the environment and this is no different for Angel. He’s been surrounded by crime and drugs his entire life and unable to live comfortably because of his sexuality. He has very likely been struggling with substances since he was a teen. Possibly even younger. He is not going to suddenly get over his addiction because of something like this. It could pave the way to him looking into dealing with it, but things like this can take years. I don’t remember when my addiction started; I’ve been clean for 2 1/2 years now I think, but the amount of relapsing and anguish I experienced while working towards that isn’t something that can be done in a few days or months. I still struggle with feeling like I deserve to say I’m recovering.

I’m hoping they tactfully handle this as they should, but my hopes are low. It’s okay to show a character relapsing. It’s okay to show a character feeling guilty. What matters is that the struggle is there to signify they’re trying. For a character with a song called “Addict” you really don’t see much of it. Drug and alcohol addiction is not a silly thing to just twiddle your fingers with and be like “well I guess thats over!” It’s incredibly insensitive to do so.

Whenever I write about Angel’s struggles with addictions, I focus on how small they can feel until you realise what’s actually happening. Just me talking about my rewrite again, but to get my ideas out here: Angel smokes often. He smokes at the studio when he’s stressed, he smokes at the hotel when he’s stressed, he smokes at in alleyways when he’s bored, there’s almost no location he won’t, but sometimes he tries to smoke less. His lungs aren’t the same as humans and technically he has 2 pairs of lungs, but smoking causes him to cough. This is painful in general and especially painful for Angel since he has barbs going down the back of his throat. Imagine choking on sandpaper, kind of like that. It’s painful, he doesn’t like the sound, Fat Nuggets REALLY doesn’t like the sound, and it’s an overall inconvenience, so he tries to stop smoking as much. Periods like this usually go fine for him until the stress returns or he starts to feel the withdrawal. Withdrawal from any sort of addiction is terrible, and in Angel’s case, just from not smoking it worsens his mental state further. He becomes irritable and stressed and that stress leads to wanting to smoke again to calm down. He may resist a few times and those times should be praised, but he gives in eventually. One cigarette to calm down becomes two, then three, and before he can process himself getting carried away, the entire pack is gone. It’s things like this that make addiction horrible. It’s something that deeply scared me when I was struggling. When I was struggling I was still in the mindset of “I can stop when I want to” and then being so suddenly hit in the face with the realisation that I’m not longer in control of this is terrifying. I could not stop when I wanted to. There were even points where I didn’t want to stop. Even just getting the smallest glimpse of this in an incredibly serious manner with Angel Dust would surprise me. To think the bar is this low on a show that seemingly prides itself on tackling such sensitive topics like you said is appalling. Your show shouldn’t have to be told how to write itself.

[squarebracketsmileyface]

Hi we are a little drunk right now and we want to be annoying. Sorry in advance.

We wonder if Alex and Jay would have ended up together or even like…. less toxic in S,IL if Jay hadn’t coerced Alex that one time on the couch. Like we find ourself blaming Alex a lot until we remember Oh yeah! Jay did That. And it’s kind of sad you know? But also interesting because we see a lot of media where in BDSM dynamics it’s assumed the Dom is the abuser. So it’s nice to see it from every angle. But also Jay why did you do that???? Like he said he didn’t want to and now you’re miserable forever because you guys can’t talk about your feelings. I am beating them both up. I love your work. Does this make sense? I am intoxicated. Yeah. 👍

Hi to you too :]

Honestly, I've thought about this so much since I started writing If It Ain't Broken because their fucked up relationship and dynamic are so interesting to think about. Honestly, I don't think that if you took away that one time on the couch it would change things, because unfortunately, it's not the only time it's happened, it's just the only time I've actually written. Jay genuinely thinks he's in the right/that he's helping Alex there, like, he thinks that Alex will feel better if he's just a bit rough with him to get his frustrations out, so even if he didn't do it that one time in chapter 2 of If It Aint Broken, hed have done it another time.

He really thinks he's doing the right thing, fully, wholeheartedly, genuinely believes it. If you could get him to understand that what he'd done had hurt Alex (which, I admit, would be hard because he doesn't like hurting Alex, he can accept that he does it when he's angry and loses control, but the idea that he could hurt Alex even when trying to help him would be awful) he'd be horrified.

Anyway, their relationship, even just as a friendship was always rocky. Like, honestly they probably shouldn't even be friends in S,IL, they fight and hurt each other and say nasty things and Jay manipulates Alex even when they're just friends. So even without the FWB stuff, their relationship would still probably be pretty toxic, just in different ways. I don't think it'd go as far in its toxicity as it actually ends up going (with Alex saying you know what fuck you and moving away, which I'm making the main catalyst for being Alex needing to get away from the toxic relationship, and the secondary reason be the whole Operator thing)

So without that one time on the couch? No, they'd still be that toxic, Jay would still out Alex to their friends, the manipulation and coercion would still happen other times, they'd still fight and scream at each other and say nasty things.

God I love thinking about this lol. Just, angst is so fun to write. So are unreliable narrators, I'm so glad you find yourself blaming Alex, honestly, because that's how I wrote it to be, you're meant to blame Alex, even if you now have a lot more of the information and know that actually he and Jay were in the wrong and doing unpleasant shit to each other. Hell, Jay's probably kinda worse than this point. But like, yeah, especially if you're reading the fics in the order they come out in, your first impression of Jay is him in S,IL itself, and it's hearing about his and Alex's relationship from his POV, and he doesn't think he's in the wrong for the actual things he's in the wrong for.

Like, your first impression of these characters is massively biased towards Alex being to blame for everything.

Honestly I kinda wonder how different the opinions/conclusions people would form if the first time they read S,IL they read it in chronological order, so with If It Ain't Broken first. Like, would that give them an entirely different perspective of the story, if they didn't first get introduced to Jay and Alex's messed up relationship through the incredibly warped lens that is Jay?

Some government should give me science funding to stick a bunch of people who've never even heard of S,IL before in two rooms and force them to read it either in the chronological order or in the upload order, so that I can ask them about the story and find out how different or similar their conclusions about the characters and their relationships are.

[dimonds456]

Howdy!

I'm Dimonds456, and welcome to my garbage pile. I'm a bat who stays up way too late and cannot decide whether or not to be productive. I draw, write, animate, play/write music, and I'm also insane so watch out for that.

I'm neurodivergent, disabled, queer, white, a singlet, fictionkin, and a proud cat papa. I am a cartoon character who is way too bouncy for their own good lol.

They / he / xe!

This is my main blog, but my ADHD ass also has a bunch more.

@dimonds456-art - my art blog! Almost all art gets rbed there!

@dimonds456-but-only-hlvrai - my HLVRAI sideblog! Because yeah why not. This is one of me current hyperfixations lol it's bad

@rubberhose-roy is my sideblog used to gush about 1920's-40's aesthetics, music, culture, ect., as well as an animation blog! All my animations specifically will be reblogged there, as well as any animation rambles or gushes I do.

I have more but those are the main three.

My fandom-specific blogs are:

@dimonds456-but-only-hlvrai (again)

@hlvrai-stuck-together - HLVRAI AU I run!

@halfnautica - Half Life / Subnautica AU!

@a-second-chance-su-au - Old SU AU that has been discontinued, but the blog is still there!

@batim-rewritten - a Bendy and the Ink Machine rewrite I'm working on

@cuphead-contract-au - A Cuphead AU where Mugman makes a deal (discontinued)

And, I have my own OC story, Follychromatic! I reblog all that stuff here, but its main blog is here!

@follychromatic

To see pictures of my cats, check the #Checkers and Chess tag! :D

Okay great. Now, DNI, trigger warnings, disabilities, special interests, and more below the cut. Make sure you read at least once, k? Thanks.

Welcome to my cave!

DNI

Do not FUCKING interact if you are:

- Someone who ships pedophilic, incestuous, or abusive ships while portraying them as positive and a good thing

- A bigot

- An LGBTphobe / transmed / ect

- Trump supporter

- Nazi / fascist / conservative

- Weird about furries or furry art

- Weird about fandom headcanons (specifically trans woman headcanons)

Trigger Warnings

I will tag as much as I can, and if you want me to tag something specific, let me know! But as a general blog cover, things that appear on this blog often are:

- Current events

- Talk of / discussion of sexuality (sometimes boardering on NSFW but not usually)

- Blood

- Guns

- Flashing

- Talk of proshippers (I try to be respectful but also I don't stand for them and I don't support them. I block and move on, and try to explain why proship is bad, but eh. I've only been listened to like once lol)

- Swearing / swear words

- All caps

- Bugs

- Suggestive content / NSFW (RARE DONT WORRY)

I will add more if anyone wants me to, or we can come up with a custom tag, like what I do for one of my friends! (#dimond don't look)

DISABILITIES

Hiiii I'm disabled! Both mentally and physically. I talk about being disabled a lot and try to generate positive talk about it. I also vent about it. I've had quite a few of these, and I also try to reblog as much about others I don't have as I can to increase awareness and understanding. So yeah! These are just the ones I have, but they are not the only ones that appear on my blog!

Hyperthyroidism

Graves Disease

Graves Eye Disease

Astigmatism

Athsma

Audio processing disorder

ADHD

Autism

Trauma / PTSD

Brain fog / disassociation / memory loss

Anxiety

Depression

Cane user

Weak / trembling limbs / trouble walking / trouble holding onto things sometimes

More to be added lol.

This is also a meds/treatment positive blog, a self-diagnosis positive blog, and my general attitude is just "if you think something is wrong you're probably right, you know yourself the best, even if you don't know what exactly is wrong." This attitude has saved my life and other people I know. You don't need a diagnosis or medication to be disabled.

THIS IS A SAFE SPACE.

If you are Jewish, black, brown, Muslim, indigenous, any religion, any race, any sexuality, any weird gender, anything at all- I love and support you. I'm still learning, and I try to learn as much as I can, but I'm not perfect. If I say something offensive or something adjacent, it was NOT on purpose. PLEASE, PLEASE tell me what I said wrong. I will make an effort to improve in the future.

I directly support:

- All races

- All religions*

- All sexualities (except pedos, y'all aren't LGBT, I'm sorry. You're actively hurting children. I've seen it again and again. Stop.)

- All genders and pronouns

- All "weird" identities outside of that as well (I'm fictionkin myself)

- Protests and protesters

- Neurodivergent people of all types (and yes, this means NPD, schizo, and all those other types that are often seen as bad or evil. I love you, I see you, and I support you.)

- DID & OSDD systems

I DO NOT support:

- Antisemitism

- Genocide

- Cults (*stuff like Jehova's Witnesses. I support the members, as they are victims, but I actively dislike the people on top who perpetuate the cycle. Not just JWs, but those are the big ones who come to mind. Hearts out to all the victims, I hope everyone gets to a better place soon)

- Racism in any way, shape, or form

- Religious discrimination of any way, shape, or form

- Israel specifically

- Trump, conservatives, Nazis, ect.

- Endo systems

If I have reblogged or said anything that aligns with the bottom list, that was a mistake. PLEASE let me know and I will fix it as fast as I can. You reading this right now, I love you. I hope my blog can help you feel welcomed and like you have somewhere to go if you need it. /gen

MY FANDOMS / INTERESTS

I HAVE ADHD AND AUTISM AND I'M MAKING THAT EVERYONE ELSE'S PROBLEM /silly

The current special interests are HLVRAI and Half Life, current hyperfixations are Half Life and Poppy Playtime.

SPECIAL INTERESTS:

- Minecraft

- HTTYD

- FNaF

- Undertale / Deltarune

- BATIM / BATDR (unfortunately)

- Subnautica

- Biology

- Steven Universe

- Cuphead

- 2D Animation

- Writing

- HLVRAI

- Half Life

HYPERFIXATIONS (interests but not the special ones):

- Little Nightmares

- Hello, Neighbor (unfortunately)

- Petscop

- Portal

- Freemanverse (HELP ME)

- The Amazing Digital Circus

- The Owl House

- Gravity Falls

- Monster High (very first from what I can remember! I remember nothing though! But it's there!)

- Poppy Playtime

- Half Life

- Wild Kratts (I didn't even know there WAS a fandom until very recently, hi guys)

theres more but my brain is an egg :/

When it comes to ✨me,✨ I have a couple of original works as well! Specifically, Follychromatic! I won't get too into it here (bc shy) but it's 2D animation, rubberhose animation, magic, character-driven, action/adventure, mystery- yeah!

Outside of fandom, though, my special interests are biology, 2D animation, and writing. I am an animator and I suffer for fun.

YOU MADE IT! Have some Checkers and Chess pictures for your time! :)

[heinzpilsner]

An addition to my "I'm a zutarian megabrain now" post (because this title was so great I was looking for an excuse to type it again apparently)

Okay, so I analized all the interactions between Zuko and Katara in atla scripts after tSR to test my 'imperfect zutara' theory. In particular, I was interested in the moments when Zuko's bad feeling of personal boundaries could show itself in his communication with Katara.

(I'm not exactly an expert on the topic as always, but I tried my best)

So, what have I discovered?

... Not so much, actually.

Their personal interactions after tSR mostly consist of friendly teasing on Katara's side and mutual falling victims to minor (and major) romantic tropes lol. And such a material doesn't exactly highlight their feeling of personal boundaries.

Zuko and Katara basically... don't want anything from each other personally after their reconciliation? Or at least that's what the show wants us to believe.

Still, there are several more substancial friendly/allied interactions between them in the finale.

So, let's finally analyze them:

1) Zuko stops Katara from following Aang ("He needs time to sort it out by himself".)

Basically, it's Zuko's soft claim for authority in parenting, which... Katara just accepts. We can see she isn't really annoyed by the act and decides to listen to him.

Hence, Zuko acts within his boundaries here.

(Interesting thing to note: Katara doesn't blame Zuko for Aang's dissapearance later -even though, while it woulnd't be a right reaction, it would be an expected one. Instead, she makes a request for his leadership: "What should we do, Zuko?"

And Zuko takes the lead as a responsible 16-year-old adult he is.)

2) Zuko is anxious about his uncle, Katara comforts him ("Are you okay?")

Hmm, let's see. Sometimes "just sitting here with a sad look" can be considered a deliberate non-verbal demand for emotional support (and then it feels like pressure for people around - especially friends and family, - to spend their time, energy and psychological resources on this).

It doesn't seem to be the case though - it's an objectively heavy, emotionally intense moment for Zuko, and it looks like Katara's spontaneous decision to approach him and give him the opportunity to 'share' his anxiety with her.

I'm not sure though whether such a detailed answer to the question "Are you okay?" was appropriate or not, to be honest. But considering Zuko's support to Katara during tSR previously, and his own emotional state now... I think it was adequate. Their dialogue is relatively short and on point - Zuko doesn't abuse Katara's compassion.

(He doesn't thank her either, but considering his state, it's understandable).

I suppose we can conclude what Zuko acted here within his boundaries too, after all.

(His previous 'outpourings' in interactions with Sokka and Toph were much more dubious in this regard, actually: Sokka wasn't yet his friend on their way to Boiling Rock, and I bet Toph in the theatre didn't really expected to deal with such a heavy monologue from Zuko.)

3) Zuko asks Katara "how would she like to help him put Azula in her place" (it would be "her pleasure").

Ah, everything is ok with this interaction? A nice contrast with Zuko's wording in tSR, actually. Nothing to really add here.

4) Zuko is anxious about Aang not killing Ozai, Katara comforts him.

Well, this case is similar to the point 2's case, so Zuko's boundaries are still okay, I guess, but...

There is a certain notable difference in the context this time.

I believe Katara is feeling equally anxious at the moment, but she chooses to focus on comforting Zuko instead.

While Zuko... just takes it?

It starts to sound a bit... unbalanced.

Although, if we consider the fact that Zuko took the leadership over the group recently... We can see their relationship working as a kind of exchange: Zuko takes the lead and responsibility, while Katara supports him emotionally and in battle. It's still a balance, but on a different level, I guess.

(And if we add to the equation Zuko supporting Katara during tSR... It doesn't look that bad, actually.)

5) Zuko doesn't ask Katara before accepting Azula's challenge to the Agni Kai.

Oh dear. It's a very difficult situation to analyze - there are way too many nuances here.

First of all, Katara's exact position is not that clear from the start. I mean - can battling Azula really be considered "a pleasure"? Who's doing whom a favor in this cooperation? Is Katara an equal partner or just an optional help in this conflict?

It was never properly discussed onscreen.

Another thing - the conflict is heavily political and connected to Zuko's royal status (and his family), so Zuko and Katara's positions are definitely kinda unequal in this regard (even if Azula is the world's problem in general as well as Katara's personal enemy).

Also, they didn't know about Azula's state of mind before. Hence, the circumstances have changed, which means terms of the partnership could be reconsidered.

Lastly, the moment is pretty dangerous and requires quick thinking.

I guess... it was Zuko's right to make such a decision in these circumstances, after all.

Hence, he acted within his boundaries again or at least somewhere near them.

(Still... There is a question of their communication. Did they really discuss all the possible scenarios previously? I mean, how exactly Zuko planned to become the Fire Lord without fighting the Agni Kai initially? It was an extremely important thing to get right!)

Anyway...

It seems to be all, actually? Yep, only 5 major examples to analyze.

So, my general conclusion is:

I wasn't able to find the big undeniable 'bad boundaries' tendencies in Zuko's and Katara's friendly/allied communication after tSR.

But. The thing is, their personal relationship wasn't really a focus of Zuko's and Katara's attention during the last episodes. They had a world to save, you see. And while Zuko jumping in front of lightning for Katara in slow motion may say a lot about his feelings and priorities, it still doesn't say much about his personal boundaries in the potential romantic relationship.

(I mean, Mai here too was ready to sacrifice herself for Zuko, but she still thought that saying "Don't ever break up with me again" to the guy who just forgot her in prison was a smart thing to do, lol. ... Oh girl, this relationship so has no future.)

So, this conclusion of mine doesn't mean that after transition of Zuko and Katara's relationship into romantic plane and the change of their social positions the balance will not shift. Human relationships is a very complex and dynamic thing, after all. Different circumstances create different expectations for each other, different set of rights and responsibilities, and hence, different conflicts.

Hence, tSR with its large focus on the characters' personal relationship can still be considered a troubling precedent for zutara.

But... there is always hope!

Something like this.

And in the end here's your friendly reminder that I ignore all the notifications.

[yoongisleftshoulder]

BTS Reacts: S/O Feeling Insecure About Their Acne/Weight

A/N: I always get so carried away with these lol. I'm sorry, I don't know how to write short and sweet reactions.

TW: Mentions of meal skipping, self loathing, brief hints of mental abuse from past relationships

JIN:

When Jin overheard you telling your best friend that lately you've felt like you weigh too much, his heart broke. He suddenly began thinking over how recently, he noticed that you've been declining his cooking more often than usual. This worried him, wondering to what extent you've been skipping meals. Originally, he brushed it off as you not feeling well or just not being hungry when he was, but now that he thought about it, he never saw you make up for missing those meals.

Jin wouldn't let you know right away that he heard you talking on the phone. Instead, he tried extra hard to make you laugh, put you in a good mood, and tell you how beautiful you were. Eventually, you noticed the extra attention he was giving you and asked what was on his mind.

"You're just beautiful, okay?" Jin replied.

"That's fine and all but...why are you kind of smothering me with attetntion and kindness more so than usual lately?"

With a heavy sigh, Jin decided it was time to reveal what he heard.

"I heard...I heard you talking to your friend....about your weight."

"Oh....." You weren't sure of what else to say.

"You really are beautiful. I'm not just saying that because I'm your boyfriend. I thought that before I knew you, too. I mean, have you looked in the mirror?"

A smile slowly crept up on your face, one matching on Jin's face. He lived to see you smile and would do anything for it to happen.

YOONGI:

Yoongi found you in the bathroom of your shared home, crying in front of the mirror, various makeup products scattered around the bathroom sink.

"Babe? What's the matter?" Yoongi asked you calmly, afraid of upsetting you more with the wrong tone.

"I can't....no matter what I do and how much makeup I put on, my skin is awful and ugly." You sobbed.

Yoongi couldn't lie, he was a little bewildered on the situation. He looked at you like you were a literal angel and didn't understand how you could possibly think you weren't attractive.

"You and the word ugly don't co-exist, doll." Yoongi gently stood behind you, placing his chin on your shoulder, his arms around your waist.

"I'm the definition of ugly. I mean, look at my skin! I have acne scars everywhere and it's so dry. No wonder my ex used to call me disgusting."

Yoongi stepped back, your words striking a nerve.

"What? What did you just say?"

"Oh um-"

"Y/N, your ex is a piece of shit. He's a stupid liar who was only trying to put you down. You're fucking beautiful, gorgeous, stunning, cute, angelic, and every other attractive word in the world that I can't think of. You're with me now, leave that waste of space behind. You're perfect." Yoongi turned you around to face him, wiping your tears away, leaving gentle kisses all over your face until you were a giggling mess.

HOSEOK:

Fresh out of the shower, you were sitting on your bed in your towel, procrastinating actually getting dressed. That is, until Hoseok called out that the dinner he had cooked was ready to eat. You tossed your towel into the dirty laundry and put on your bottoms. When it came to put on your top, you stopped, seeing yourself in the mirror. Self-hatred took over as you looked at your stomach, pinching at the skin and turning to see what it looked like from the side.

"Angel, did you hear me I said-" Hoseok entered the room. "What are you doing?"

"Do you think my stomach is too fat? Maybe I shouldn't eat this dinner...."

Hoseok's eyes widened. "What? Of course not! I want you to eat as much as you want! This dinner that I cooked for us is your favorite! Please tell me you haven't been skipping meals...."

"No, I haven't....I think that's my problem."

"Don't say that, that scares me." Hoseok admitted. "I love you and I love your body. Your stomach isn't too big, it's not too small, it's just right."

"Yeah, okay, goldilocks." You chuckled.

"What? I'm not kidding! You're smokin'!" Hoseok knelt down in front of you, placing light kisses on your stomach before hugging it, resting his head against your skin. "Now," He continued, looking up at you. "Let's go eat this food."

NAMJOON:

Although it was eating him away inside hearing you speak so negatively about your thick thighs, he would approach it calm and collected. He knew it was a touchy subject for you so he thought out how he was going to talk it out with you beforehand. He wished you saw your body in the same way that he did. If that was the case, you would view yourself as a goddess walking on Earth.

"We don't have to talk about this too much if you don't want, but I at least want you to know that there's nothing wrong with your thighs. I love them so much and it hurts seeing you so upset about them. They're perfect and I hate hearing you call them fat. For the record, you're the most beautiful person I've ever met and I've met a lot of people over the years of touring. Also, what else would I use for a pillow at night? An actual pillow? Nah."

His own face lit up as he watched your previously saddened face soften. He cupped your face with his hands and placed a kiss on your lips, then peppering your entire face with light kisses.

"I love you." Namjoon said.

"I love you too, Joonie.

JIMIN:

"I don't even know why you're with me, honestly. My ex was right, my skin makes me ugly." You snapped finally, your bad day finally catching up to you.

"What...?" Jimin's head whipped in your direction.

You didn't respond initially, staring back at his wide eyes with teary ones.

"What did you just say?" Jimin questioned.

"You deserve someone who isn't as ugly as me. You're way out of my league, Jimin. I don't get it." The tears were free falling now.

"First of all, you're not even close to being ugly. Not one bit. Second....your ex used to call you ugly?"

"Every damn day...." You said in a whisper.

Jimin's own eyes began to water. He was in disbelief that someone who was supposed to love you filled you with poisonous words instead. You were the love of his life, the light in his darkness, the most beautiful person he had ever laid eyes on. And yet, the venom of a snake in human form still plagued your thoughts.

"I love you so much, my beautiful girl."

Jimin embraced you tightly, his own tears falling onto your shoulder. He held you there while you cried, thinking about how he was going to try even harder every day to show you what a goddess you really were. He was determined to toss out the mindset that your ex pummled into you right into the trash.

TAEHYUNG:

Taehyung was so used to you coming by the dance room while he and the boys were practicing to bring everyone food and goodies. It took a while for him to get used to you debuting in a girl group, finding the roles sometimes reversed. Any chance he got the free time to bring you and your girls snacks and such, he would in a heart beat. This was one of those days.

Taehyung walked into your dance practice room quietly, still hearing music playing over the speakers. He assumed that he could set the food down and sit off to the side and wait for you to finish the routine you were working on but instead, he found you by yourself and staring at yourself in one of the tall mirrors on the wall.

"Y/N?" Taehyung called out.

You jumped a little, not expecting your boyfriend to be in the room.

"Oh, hi." You did your best to fake a smile.

"What are you doing? What's wrong? You were just standing there with your hands on your legs."

"My thighs....they're too fat." You spoke plainly.

"What?!?" Taehyung dropped the food bags down, rushing over to your side. "What are you talking about? There's nothing wrong with your thighs."

"No, they're too fat. Too fat to be an idol."

Taehyung's heart sank. He knew this situation all to well, having been in the industry much longer than you have.

"Who says?"

"Our manager....." You confessed, your head looking down.

"Your manager is an idiot. He doesn't know what he's talking about. He's a manager, not an idol or...or a doctor who knows what's healthy. You're perfect the way you are and I wouldn't change a thing about you. I think you're going to give other idol's a run for their money." Taehyung held your face in his hands, kissing you tenderly.

"You think so?"

"I know so."

JUNGKOOK:

"Jungkookie...am I good enough for you?"

Jungkook paused his game and practically dropped his controller onto the floor.

"What? Why would you say that? Where's this coming from?"

"There are so many girls out there who don't have acne and have beautiful glass-like skin. I....I don't. What if you find someone prettier?" Tears were threatening to drop down your cheeks.

"Woah, babe....I've never once thought you weren't beautiful. Do I not tell you enough? Why are you thinking this way?" Jungkook had turned his body to be fully facing you next to him.

Without saying anything, you unlocked your phone and pulled up comments from Twitter. He skimmed over assorted comments that were picking at you over your skin, as if no other human on the planet suffers with acne. His mood depleted, seeing how much these nonsense comments affected you.

"Come here." Jungkook opened his arms, welcoming you to rest and cuddle into his chest.

Your boyfriend took out his own phone and opened his camera gallery. He started scrolling through an album that he dedicated to pictures of the two of you together.

"Look. See these? Look how beautiful you are."

"I have layers of makeup on in those." You sighed heavily.

"Okay, then look at these ones."

You hesitantly looked at his phone screen, seeing that he was sliding through numerous pictures of you unaware that he was photographing you. Not one featured you with makeup.

"This girl...." A smile plastered Jungkook's face. "This girl right here, natural skin and all, is the most stunning girl I've ever met and seen in my entire life. I've been all over the world and no one compares to you."

"Promise?" You sniffled.

"I promise." He kissed your forehead. "Pinky promise, even. That's serious business."

[thecoolerliauditore]

i don't get all the fuss about CCs reading fanfic. if you didn't want people to see it then why would you put it publicly online. like aren't you taught that if you don't want something to be seen you shouldn't put it on the internet?

i don't understand the people mad at tommyinnit for reading fanfic. like you have this space where you talk about this real person but *he's* not allowed to read it? wtf

anon this is so angrily worded are you okay lmao

i'm not really huge on fic writing myself (dabbled in it here and there but i have friends who are writers) and i care negative percent about the dee ess em pee side of things so I'm not really The Person to ask but I'll try my best to explain 👍

CCs reading fanfic is fine. They're allowed to lurk as much as everyone else is.

CCs reading fanfic in videos is exposing fic writers to their wider audience and mcyt fans have a history of harassing fandom creators into online nonexistence for any reason under the sun while simultaneously the CC themselves actively makes money off of the fic writer's work.

I ramble a bit more and it got kinda long but that's the main point. (more stuff under the cut)

Fics are "about" the cc, yes but they are often not made for the cc but rather for the writer and maybe a close group of friends. That means they're often a combination of the writer's love for the source material and a sprinkling of their own interests/experiences. This can go anywhere from smashing two interests together in crossover AUs to deeply personal stuff like using gay ships to explore their own experience as a queer person.

Straight CCs are Not Going To Understand the latter in the way that writer and their gay friends are going to enjoy it. They can read it but they're never gonna be able to look at it the way their fans will.

That's one of the more forward examples but this applies to everything. You will never have that degree of separation from the source material to be able to enjoy fic the way fans do, you're simply not the target audience.

What's more is (not talking about the thomas innit guy or whatever i genuinely don't know who he is lol) these reading fanfic videos tend to have more of an unfortunate.. point and laugh aspect to them? A lot of the time it's presented in this LOOK AT HOW WEIRD THIS THING IS! way that can be humiliating for the author and incite even more harassment because the audience gets introduced to the author not as a person but as entertainment. You can see how this is a bad combination when you consider the previous point about a lot of fanfic being personal, I hope. It all can feel just a bit exploitative.

It does Not take a lot for a CC to open the floodgates on harassment. Just earlier this year another youtuber followed one of his fan artists and that eventually lead to that artist being full-on doxxed. Regardless of anyone's opinions on that situation, whether the youtuber is to blame, etc. etc. it's a pretty blatant example of how CCs even just interacting with fan creators on social media can lead to people being unhinged if they don't like their work. Now imagine making a Whole Video.

and don't say "oh just don't write weird stuff you don't want them seeing" because:

a space where writers are afraid to share their more intimate experiences with taboo subjects like mental health, queerness, abuse, and so on is Not Healthy artistically. Less communication about these topics = less people finding others who are like them = more people feeling alone in the world. I don't want that just in a fandom because a youtuber (who is not forced to look at fic) doesn't want their cubito to kiss certain people.

people. will. find. things. weird. anyway. i've seen twitter call the most mundane, wholesome, coffee shop au fics PROBLEMATIC for daring to ship two characters who have a four or five year age gap. I've seen literally almost every ship you can think of get called incestuous at some point or another because Someone On Twitter said they have "sibling energy" and all of a sudden it's incest and the writer should Die I guess.

"weird stuff" is really hard to define in the first place.

CCs are not authority and we don't have to listen to or cater to them. Fic is never going to directly affect them.

this isn't even getting into character/cc divide and how it's different for everyone and a lot people don't like "writing about real people" so on so forth.

This is only tangentially related but there's this.. odd thing i've noticed where fic writers aren't "respected" in the way artists are in fandoms? I've noticed people are often "scared" to talk to artists and react to things like animatics with more awe than anything else ("this has no right to be as good as it is!") whereas with fanfics it's more like. WE'RE READING FANFIC?!?! 😳😳 (I GET MARRIED TO WHO?!?!?)

There's something to be said about how a skill gap in visual art is more immediately noticeable to your average person than in writing but anyway. anyway.

[1moremilgram-enjoyer]

I'm really glad to ask some (a lot, lol) question~ 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 12 for Es 2, 5, 11, 12, 14 for Amane and 3, 5, 6, 19, 20, 21 for Kazui ❤

Yay questions!

CW Cults and indoctrination, child abuse, internalized homophobia

Es

1- Favorite song lyrics?

They don't have a lot to pick from, huh? But from Undercover, it's probably:

The fine line between "Hate" and "OK" Shouldn't you look beyond your EGO, before it all ends?

The first line, to me, really encapsulates how black and white the judgement system in Milgram is, and thus how horrendously inefficient it is. There's very little we can actually do to convey nuance in our voting, it really is a choice of just "you're perfectly okay and have done nothing wrong" or "we hate you and think there is no way you could ever be Forgiven", with only the 50% voting line separating the extremes. Sure, we can try to communicate with the voices in their head, but that's highly unreliable and unpredictable, so in practice "hate or ok" are really our only options. And Es' by extension.

Then the other line, asking to look beyond our own experiences to understand people with lives extremely different from our own, and how we have to do it fast because we don't exactly get unlimited time to come to our conclusions.

Though of course, this isn't just about us. Es is the one singing to themself in a way, and seeing how these things are phrased, it really helps show that despite how Es always act in control and on top of things, they still have their doubts and worry about how their judgement can affect the prisoners.

There's also Hibana, and for Es (and in general) my favorite lyric there is:

I don’t want to love a weak-minded love Come on, make it hurt more properly Going so far it’s no longer funny, is surely much more enjoyable come on, melt me more properly

Going by my personal interpretation of what the hell is going on in this cover, this line really ties together the meaning of Es wanting to make decisions with confidence, when it actually gives them extreme anxiety. Which, I do realize makes no sense when you look at the line by itself but I swear it works in the context of the wider interpretation.

2- Favorite MV moment/frame?

They have like three scenes what am I even supposed to say. Anyways it's probably this one.

It's definitely the most intriguing thing related to Es themselves in my opinion, only really challenged by the time they show up after all the smiles. The reason I'm not using that one is that it's difficult to tell whether or not it actually is Es even though contextually it's the only thing that makes sense.

Anyways about this spotlight scene. I like that Es isn't wearing all their uniform; they're missing the cape, the hat, the 'reciffO nosirP' (Prison Officer) and 'tse mudnatibud subinmo eD' ("Everything must be doubted" in Latin) band things... The point is to show that there is a person under all that, Es is not just the Warden. It's still a heavy part of their person, as they're still wearing most of the outfit, the gloves, and the keychain thing, but it's not all they are. Plus the spotlight and their expression, because again, as much as Es tries to confidently judge others, they themselves can get nervous when confronted, when there's a 'spotlight' placed on them.

Anyways I like it :D

3- Favorite non-MV official illustration?

This question made me realize I really don't know how many non-MV illustrations there are lol. Anyways here's the Tumblr compressed version of the third anniversary artwork.

I just love how this looks, and there's two Es'! That's double the fun! Plus them literally trying to grab at the prisoners' minds like grabbing at sand; it always falls off, Es literally cannot grasp what's going on in all their lives. Love it.

5- Favorite voice drama line/moment?

You'd think it would be difficult to pick considering the guy shows up in literally all the VDs.

It isn't.

[Of Blessedness and Punishment] Amane: You're a child, too! Es: Wrong. I'm fifteen, so I'm an adult in Puerto Rico and Haiti. You're twelve, so you're a child no matter the country. Amane: ...!! Es: Hehe. You look angry. Amane: I don't. Es: You do. Amane: I don't!!

The siblings ever. The fact Es completely made up the fact is even funnier.

For something more serious:

[TASK] Es: What is this shit about being a companion? I exist to judge your sins - as a guard! I don't have the need to shake hands with you!  Kotoko: Es? You don't see yourself as the executioner, right? Es: ...!? Kotoko: I've said it before, there are a lot of sinners which the law cannot punish. On the reverse, it is the same, there are also innocent people who are wrongly accused due to unsound laws. You also have the duty to forgive these people, no? Es: Haaah… Kotoko: You are not the executioner who convicts people for their sin. The person who offers to save the murderers who deserve to be forgiven.. It's also you. Es: Aaah.. Mm.. *shallow gasping* Kotoko: Come, Es… then, listen to my sin… Es: *gasp* Prisoner number 10.. Kotoko.. Come..! Sing… your… sins… *sob*

Es angst inject that shit in my soul-

[Imposter Boulevard] Es: It’s a personal dislike of mine. People who act based on their sexual urges like that, that is. Kazui: It’s personal? Es: Yeah. That’s right. Kazui: That’s strange. I did think that, despite being neutral as a Warden, you had some things you dislike, but… Es: … Kazui: Isn’t it unusual to openly reveal a personal dislike as a personal dislike? Es: You’re splitting hairs.

In case it's not obvious, I love when the mask slips a bit and we can tell Es as a person is more than just an extension of the audience. Look! They have personal dislikes! And of course it's Kazui who gets to see a bit of the "real" Es surfacing, because who the hell else would it be?

There's way more of course, but I have to limit myself a bit.

6- Favorite relationships with another character in the prison?

Amane. Again, the siblings ever.

More seriously, it's not just that I love their interactions when they're fucking around, I also love all the parallels and the ideological clashes. The undying devotion to an extremely harmful system. The view of themselves as an extension of a group rather than as an individual ("we? what's we?"). The way they both hate being seen as children, forced to grow up too fast. The way they both try to convince themselves they're happy with their life and condition, to the point it's almost convincing, until you look closer and see the cracks. How Amane hates Es because of what they've done to her, because they're the same as her abusers in her eyes. How Es goes dead silent when Amane brings up their similarities, when usually they'd lash out at the mere idea of the Warden being like a prisoner, because they understand to an extent. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

I also love Es' dynamics with most of the prisoners, but Amane is something else.

7- Favorite relationships with another character if they weren't in Milgram, the way you'd imagine or would like them to be?

Honestly, this one's kinda hard because so much of Es' character is directly linked to Milgram. Imagining them outside the Panopticon in general is sorta difficult.

I think they and Amane could still be besties, but other than that, maybe Yuno? I think she wouldn't feel the need to put up a front next to the "I hate everyone anyways" vibe Es gives off, so they'd be judgmental buddies! Just imagine them doing each other's makeup while shit-talking everyone they can think of. Maybe throw Muu in for extra shit and giggles.

12- What do you wish would be discussed more often about them in the fandom?

I mean, literally anything? Es isn't discussed very often, which I guess makes sense, but it's unfortunate. More specifically, I wish people discussed the more concrete things we know about their personality a bit more. There's plenty of posts speculating on what is going on with them; where they came from, whether or not they're related to the prisoners in some way, what is their connection with the eleventh cell, that kind of stuff. And that's all very fun, I love those posts! But I have never seen an Es character analysis the same way I've seen analyses for practically all other characters (<- also hasn't written a proper analysis of them beyond the Hibana cover post). Still, I do understand why people don't, there's a lot of interesting characters in Milgram!

Amane

2- Favorite MV moment/frame?

This is like asking me to pick a favorite child what do you mean. I love her MVs too much why would you do this to me.

Anyways here's my favorite child moment.

Look at her!!! She's going to fucking destroy her mother let's go girlie fucking kill!

I just love how happy she looks here. Plus the eyes, the eyes. This entire part of the MV is great, it just makes me happy to see Amane happy you know what I mean? Plus the whole rainbow and rain and umbrella symbolism, and the fiction bleeding into reality (the eyes!), it's all awesome. I love her so much, she should smile like this when she stabs Shidou in the stomach I think he'd understand.

5- Favorite voice drama line/moment?

I could be cheap and tell you it's the same as Es', but it's really not.

[Apostle and Death] Amane: Okay! I’m kind, so I shall forgive you. That’s nice, isn’t it? If my parents were in my place, you would have been lectured for another hour. [...] Amane: ...isn’t it condescending of you to assume that just because I happen to be a child, I am incapable of hating someone enough to kill them?

Amane Freudian slipping into admitting she fucking despised her mother will never not be extremely entertaining to me. Yes, talk about how much you fucking hate her, kill girl kill!

[Of Blessedness and Punishment] Amane: You fool. Isn't MILGRAM trying to enforce a new standard of judgment precisely because laws cannot guide this world onto the right path? Are you still being weighed down by the law? [...] Amane: "We"? What's "we"? Are you not just "I"? Es: ... I...? Amane: Aren't we the same? Me and Guard-san.

PARALLELS

Also when she attacked Es with scissors. I think Milgram should have allowed it, it would have been funny if the Warden just fucking died before Trial 2 ended.

11- What are your favorite points about their story and the narrative surrounding them?

What aren't my favorite points of her narrative? Again asking me to pick a favorite child here.

If I had to pick one, probably the way the line between her cult's beliefs, Amane's interpretation of her cult's beliefs, and Amane's own desires blurs to a point it's really hard to figure out what she's actually thinking at any given time. Especially because of how Amane views all these things. Her cult is unquestionable but also she subconciously hates a lot of its aspects and twists its beliefs to justify her actions to herself. Her desires are sinful and animalistic (Animal cover and cat parallels go brrrrrr), but she still wants to follow them so so badly. Ugh, internal conflict my beloved.

And also I love how desperate she is to endure everything that's happened to her. Her unrelenting will to survive and go against the people who hurt her, the way she's still glad to have been born, the way she still tries so hard to be happy and make others around her happy. Holy shit this kid is the strongest (in terms of willpower) character in Milgram and no one can tell me otherwise, it's so unfair she has to be that way it makes me immensely sad augh-

And also I love how angry she gets occasionally. How spiteful and rage filled she can be. I will never get tired of seeing Amane in pure, unfiltered fury. Yes, girl, stab Es with scissors, kill your mom, stab Shidou, do it!

And also (could keep going for several thousand words)

12- What do you wish would be discussed more often about them in the fandom?

I think Amane is discussed pretty well here on Tumblr, much as I've heard horror stories about what the Discourse looks like in other sites. But if there's one thing I wish more people brought up is how despite everything, Amane is motivated by the desire to make everyone happy. Positive Parade cover go brr.

Especially in things like the Fuuta situation. I feel like some people see it as just her trying to recruit for her cult or something, when really she's just trying to help him. Same with warning Mahiru against medicine to "save her soul" in a way. Healing the cat. Becoming the "perfect girl", the March Leader with the cloud ribbon, to make her abusers happy. Trying to make the best of the situation by attempting to turn Milgram into an ideal world. Trying to stay happy because that's the one thing she's worked towards her entire life.

In fact, I personally believe this is why Yuuri is depicted in Magic as maybe "kinder" than the others (might make a post about that at some point). Its ordainment is "Thou shall deliver unto those thou believest in", as in, "help those you believe deserve it." This is the one ordainment which is actually kinda in line with Amane's desires, so she imagines Yuuri as less angry at her and more compassionate than the others.

My point is that a lot of the time I feel her actions are talked about as either just motivated by her cult or just motivated by Amane's """sinful""" desires, be it her anger at her abusers or her cravings like wanting to eat cake, when really I think the happiness thing is the main motivator behind those things and it's not quite talked about as much. Does that make sense?

14- Any headcanons on their appearance?

Huh, I usually don't have many headcanons on appearance, but I can try.

I think my favorite is Amane having really sharp fangs. Like, talking anime style unrealistically sharp fangs that make her a terrifying hisser. Cat Amane my beloved.

...

Also she has small (say, 0,5 cm diameter), red circular scars all over her back. Stun gun injuries (no picture on the link) basically. Listen things with Amane can't stay very wholesome for very long-

Kazui

3- Favorite non-mv official illustration?

Uh... Maybe his door?

(That's kinda small lol)

It looks nice as it is, plus it has some nice symbolism as does every door image. I just think it's neat.

5- Favorite voice drama line/moment?

[Imposter Boulevard] Kazui: I despise myself for lying, too. Being a liar, you see – it’s painful. Es: Heh. Then just– Kazui: So I’ve tried to change! I’ve tried to change. I have tried to stop lying to myself and others! Es: … Kazui: I’ve confided in others. I’ve tried to be myself! I’ve tried to just be the way I was born! Es: …Hey, Kazui– Kazui: It’s not my lies that killed her. She’s dead because I stopped lying to her! If I had just kept lying- She wouldn’t have died…! Es: Kazui… Kazui: I can’t live unless I lie. That’s how I was born… I’m pathetic, aren’t I?

I mean, come on. It's the basis of his character and crime, and the voice acting is fucking insane in this section. Apart from how emotional it is, I also like that it still ends in the same somewhat performative self-loathing Es calls him out for in the first VD.

[Gouging in the Night] Es: Showing a hint of weakness and trying to get on my good side like that… Is that another one of your "adult techniques"? [...] Is there anyone who lets themselves get fooled by a specifically prepared "weak" side of yourself? I see, I see… So these are the kinds of skills that you gain when you've lived for a long time.

Gotta love it when a character regrets something bad enough not to be able to forgive himself for it, but he's so afraid of facing consequences and social reprimand because he's built his entire worth around others' opinions that he still heavily plays up the self-loathing to be pitied.

Timelines [23/9/2] Yuno: Haha, we both lie, don't we? The difference is the reason for lying. Kazui-san, you lie to protect yourself, because you're important to yourself. For me, no one is particularly important. That includes myself as well.

Unlike Yuno, who explicitly doesn't want to be pitied. Love these two.

I don't know if I'm explaining it right, but that's what I get from the whole mess.

6- Favorite relationships with another character in the prison?

I love his interactions with Yuno, of course, the Liar Duo. Yuno is such a little bitch to him all the time, I adore it. However, I also love his dynamic with Es, if they count for this question. Kazui's VDs are great.

But honestly Kazui has a lot of good options here. The smoking group with Shidou and Mikoto is fun, his interactions with Mahiru and Amane are also always nice, etc.

19- What do you think their childhood/teenage years were like?

Extremely closeted homosexual, of course. Probably tried to """compensate""" in some way by acting as traditionally masculine as possible, I imagine he was quite the dudebro. With how much emphasis his parents seem to have put on his strength and tradition, I get the feeling he may have been a somewhat stereotypical jock.

That's why I think he may have done a lot of really stupid shit as a teenager and tries to distance himself from them now, which is why he puts so much emphasis on his age despite being less than forty years old. He feels like a completely different person than who he was as a teen, and while he was always self-concious about a lot of shit, he's maybe especially self-concious of the shit he did when he was younger.

Don't take any of that very seriously, though. All of that is practically headcanon vaguely guided by the text!

20- What do you think their social life was like before milgram?

Going off the previous idea, I imagine he only kept a few connections from his teenage years, which is why the one childhood friend he brings up is so notable to him. It's the only one who Kazui really wanted to stick around.

There's obviously Hinako and Kazui's other coworkers, fellow policepeople. The way I interpret the bar scenes in half is Kazui meeting with friends, the bartender being the childhood friend and the woman being someone he met as an adult.

Other than that, I imagine he was pretty closed off and didn't talk to many other people. He seems like the type to enjoy a mostly closed off friend group, but I don't really have anything to support that claim other than vibes alone so.

21- Do you have any similarities with them/relate to something in them?

Uh... I guess personality-wise we're not too different. In real life, I'm quiet and reserved, don't express much emotion, mostly have a "well this is happening now I guess. We vibe though" attitude to most of what goes down in my life, and don't like talking about myself much which yes is making this question sorta difficult.

Thanks for all the questions! This took a while lol.

[atla-recluse]

About That One Moment in "Another Five More Short Graybles":

Content warning: A few references to abuse and abuser-victim dynamics, plus some images/artwork that some may find very disturbing or triggering.

Conclusion:

I truly believe that this moment, and maybe more-so what likely happens after it, are the moment that solidified Lemongrab 1's complete shift into tyranny and unlimited cruelty. When I say that, I'm not just talking about the toy and his anger over it. It's not and was never (just) about the toy (seriously, this dude could and would have snapped over anything).

It's about OG LG's increasingly intense need for control over everyone and everything and his ever-growing layer of extreme rage over...stuff from the past...that is always there. Taking is a bit further, it's actually about how LG viewed himself and his impulsive/compulsive behavior at that point.

Background:

So, a lot of people seemed to have thought/still think that LG is lacking in self-awareness, but I think this couldn't be further from the truth. LG is hyper-aware of himself and his actions. He knows there's something "wrong" with him. He (and those around him) just don't know what. So everyone in and out of universe find it easier to just be vague about the problem or not touch it at all.

I'll tell you what I think is wrong with him though: He's can't figure out how best to showcase empathy with others, or even fully decide if he truly wants to at all, so he typically just chooses not to.

(Also, he seems to be naturally more persnickity and "intense/passionate" than others, including LG2 even. At least when it comes to his beliefs and convictions. People irl who are like that can imagine, because of how we sometimes come across to others, even if we're trying to change.)

Wait, what? I'm actually arguing that LG1 is/was capable of empathy, you ask? YES I am. Because he was. The moments were small, but they were there and were very significant to those who care. OG LG had what I'd call "limited" empathy as well as "optional" empathy. He wasn't the best with others' emotions at initial meetings but he could understand concepts like that of insult, bonding (but couldn't do it himself at first) and not wanting to die or get hurt. (I might finish a post that explains some examples in the near future.)

He also chose who it was he would bestow his empathy upon for random and not-as-random reasons. In this sense, he's not that different from many of us. I also feel as though he could have had his sense of empathy increased and smoothed out with proper nurturing. But as we all know, that didn't happen.

Conclusion Expansion (1):

We see throughout his arc, that LG1 increasingly worsened over time. Not solely though. For a blip of a period, he seemed to be improving, happy even. That period was of course when he was still close with LG2. Then, the fight happened.

Slight (Noteworthy) Sidetrack:

It was so violent, even without showing us the gore. I'm actually a little shocked that there are people who think that scene is mainly or even only hilarious. It's terrifying to me whenever I see it, to the point where I often prefer to avoid it. That scene, to me, was yet another example of how much of an abuser LG1 has become, since his physical or emotional abandonment and/or since his creation. Is that obvious yet? LG1 was not just "lol random11!! hahaha craziiii!". He was insanely abusive. He was arguably abused himself, but that doesn't change the fact that he was an abuser, too.

He even showed all the classic signs of an abuser as far back as "You Made Me" but, really, it was truly first shown in "Too Young".

Conclusion Expansion (2):

His brother (Which I think was meant to be seen as being to LG1 whatever you wanted to see him as, homophobes!) along with Lemonhope, got the worst of it and perfectly illustrate two different types of lives and mentalities of many abuse victims.

One becomes, in a way, very self-centered and wants to escape no matter what, but stops thinking about what the rest of his family may be going through, also. The other wants to help others going through the same and won't leave them behind until the they have escaped on some level, even if it kills him (assuming he had the option to leave).

And tell we don't know plenty of irl examples where other families also went through an older sibling or partner taking advantage of and mistreating a younger sibling or partner. (Don't think too hard about the LG's being "brother-lovers", alright? It's all symbolic, anyway.)

Now a big question I and likely others have is this: Is he really "just like that?"

Frankly, I think he partially or fully either inherited it or learned it from his experiences. Or someone else... But I digress.

So yeah, I don't believe LG was just/solely born that way. Something about him changed sometime after he was born, I feel. But again, I can't quite say what because it was left ambiguous.

When he attacked his best friend for the first time and in such a gruesome manner... Well...ask yourself how that scene probably continued for the two of them? We actually saw the least scary part. Here's what I now headcanon as being the "right after":

LG has always had issues with his view of self and it causes him much pain. He doesn't know how to express the problem, so he basically just spazzes out. He seemed to have improved once his brother/partner came along, but in fact, this was only an illusion.

LG never properly healed from his trauma or bad habits, because no one—not himself and certainly not others—worked with him to treat and eventually heal that trauma and reverse those bad habits. (It doesn't mean they didn't want to, though.) It was only a matter of time before he lost it on his brother and people over something petty. Two beings can never be exactly the same anyway, "twin" or not.

(I'm not sure what the name of the artist who made this is. It's an amazing and very emotional piece, though.)

So with those awful images in mind, I think LG1 after devouring most of his own partner, may have paused for at least a moment, as LG2 managed to crawl away and look at him with such fear and hurt (perhaps looking like a reflection of himself) that LG1—if his self-awareness was on 100 that day—looked back at the mess he'd made of LG2's body and how their relationship would never be the same now, and decided "Haha wow...I AM a monsteerrrr!!!!".

And from there, he decided to just lean into the persona completely. After all, what did he have to lose? What important figure in his life up to this point didn't see him that way, anyway? Now even the partner he once loved and who once loved him, did too. Might as well accept it and just solely act like what everyone already knows him to be. Which to LG means just act like his usual self, btw. Control freaks like him can only relax for so long...

And that, everybody, is why that scene in AFMSG is so significant; and imo, devastating.

It should also be noted that despite what we see LG1 do to LG2, that he doesn't completely devour him (why, we don't know) and that he gave him (likely created for him) a tool that would allow him to still move around and didn't give him a shock collar. So LG2 is still a cut above the others in LG1's mind, it seems, but that doesn't mean that things hadn't reached rock bottom for them. They just had further to go, is all.

LG1 clearly no longer pedestalized LG2 anymore (and vice versa) and on some level likely blames LG2 for how he himself chose to react (pretty on-brand for both of them). Hence why, like some abusers, he seemed to now be withholding affection from LG2, wouldn't hear or accept LG2's own thoughts and opinions, (may have) starved him and why he pushed him down into and kept him in a subordinate position (something we once actually see him physically do to him at the dinner table).

Oh and here. Have another self-aware Lemongrab, far beyond post brother-attack:

This wild lemon man knew he was the monster/villain of the story at this point. 🍋 🥲

"Looking for something?

Well, you found me; Fat Lemongrab." - Original Lemongrab

[walkingstackofbooks]

DS9 2x05 Cardassians thoughts (rewatching; spoilers for future episodes possibly included)

So the Netflix description for this is Julian is surprised when his "friend" Garak is bitten by a Cardassian boy - lol we all know why the quote marks are there, thank you Netflix XD

"I'm no more a spy than you are a-" "-a doctor" HAH

Dukat describing Garak as "poor Garak. An amiable fellow, if there ever was one" ahaha

Oof I have just realised how personal this episode and alleged child abuse would be to Julian. Well that's one for the fanfic

So how did dukat know about the incident if Garak didn't tell him

OOOH, Julian is ballsy af and it's WONDERFUL: "If I understand the Cardassian political system correctly..." "Who's been tutoring you in Cardassian social studies?" GLORIOUS - I'd love to have seen Julian and Dukat interact more

Sisko demanding an explanation, and Julian's sheepish "He doesn't actually tell me what he really thinks. I sort of have to deduce it." Hilarious.

Kira's little smirk, she enjoyed that

KEIKOOOO, I LOVE YOU, THAT WAS A GREAT TAKEDOWN OF MILES' PREJUDICE. And you are a QUEEN for the Cardassian food

Lol, Miles and Rugal inadvertently bonding over disliking Cardassian food

Aww, Miles is actually trying so so hard and I love him for it

Heh, whenever you see Julian sleeping adorably, you know he's gonna have a midnight guest

Haha I thought he stole the runabout but it's SO much funnier him walking up Sisko in the middle of the night

"Will one be enough?" SASSY and very valid

Julian playing with Garak's eye thing tool? :3

That little Cardassian girl is so cute

Julian stopping and looking, you know he wants to do more for these kids

Love it when Julian is annoyed

"I believe in coincidences. Coincidences happen every day. But I don't trust coincidences"

This is such a desperately sad story. There is no good ending here.

Rugel is really excellent, I wish we could see him again

I should stop commenting on Bashir heavy episodes because it's just a steam of "I love him"s really... But I DO. And his takedown here of Dukat is SO GOOD

Miles telling Rugel to come visit, my heart

Really not sure this is the best outcome? Removing a kid from everyone he's ever known and loved in favour of "bio family"? Ehhhh. Though learning to not hate yourself is hopefully good? Ugh like I said, there is no good solution here

Well seeing Garak and Bashir with together and interact is an absolute delight and I am even more mad than I was at being robbed of that in later seasons now I've been reminded just how his they are together. GAHH

Oh no I've just seen the next episode is Melora... that's a desperately cringe one isn't it. Fudge

[beautifulpersonpeach]

I don't call myself army, just a music fan, like to follow grown up fans of kpop and other groups and honestly up until now I thought your characterization of kpop fans and multis behavior to BTS was very one-sided and overblown. But now I'd like to offer you an apology Bpp. I keep up with a bunch of kpop podcasts run by kpop fans and black women and I follow this 30+ black woman whose whole shtick is being in kpop for vibes, not engaging in fanwars and overall being above the gross behavior from immature racist armys. So imagine my horror when I open my Twitter today and the first thing I see is this:

https://twitter.com/SideShowShit/status/1647483768423464961?s=20

My heart is so heavy and burdened by this I don't even know where to start bpp. Just last week I saw a Shinee/taemin/multi fan say the hate against Jimin should 'show give those armys a taste of what they do' when Jimin has been the target of overwhelming hate from the same shinee fans since his debut. I'm thinking to just leave kpop completely because this kind of brain rot in adults over nothing makes me depressed as fuck. I sympathize more with armys now more than ever. I love Jimin and don't want to stop actively following him. How do you deal with all this hate? Seriously how do you do it?

***

Hi Anon,

Your link.

Abridged answer: "I got no worries because you can't stop me lovin' myself" - reference linked here. :)

Long-form answer:

Like I've said before, if you've managed to make your way to the podcast side of k-pop stan environments you already have my condolences lmao. I won't state the exact reasons for that here but you're already experiencing a few of those reasons it seems.

That user is actually familiar to me - she's a black woman who works in the US entertainment industry, Hollywood to be exact, in a semi-administrative role. That person is a Blink who runs in the same circles as Ash - a k-pop writer/podcaster and multi in the US; Carrie - an Exol and Shawol in Toronto who writes K-drama/film reviews; Tamar - a Jewish Blink and multi who is a k-pop journalist; and a bunch of other k-pop writers, journalists, DJs, and otherwise 'grown-ups in k-pop' who can't seem to speak even in a neutral capacity about BTS, let alone ARMY, despite many of them deriving their livelihoods from the spread of k-pop in the West spearheaded in a large part by BTS. It's partly why ARMYs are extremely skeptical of k-pop journalism because oftentimes these content creators, journalists or reviewers are just stans of other groups with barely concealed animus for BTS. And also why the quality of critical conversations in k-pop fandom is so poor. I mean, how can you trust the opinion of an adult Black woman who should intimately know the implications of racism, calling Jimin, Oli London, unprovoked? It's all so comical but also kinda tragic lol.

You sent me this ask just as I was publishing this post so perhaps you hadn't yet seen what I've said about the dominant behaviours of k-pop stans in fandom.

I understand how painful it is to see things like that but I suggest you ignore them, report and block the account if it bothers you that much, but otherwise focus on celebrating Jimin and the things you love about him. I keep saying that hate does nothing but create more of the same. Many of the people who belong to rival fandoms, especially the fandoms that have a history of being abusive to BTS and ARMY since as far back as 2014, including fans of Shinee, EXO, Beast, Super Junior, and since 2018, BlackPink, many of the people in those fandoms default to hating anything connected to BTS, and it fascinates me even now how it's like a social contagion.

If seeing opinions like that really distress you, it's okay to step back from k-pop completely. In fact I recommend it for people who tend to get really emotionally connected to the artists they support, because none of those people are going to learn to do better, and chances are you could begin mirroring their behaviour if you get too attached. I'm friends with many people from those fandoms because they've known me since before I became ARMY, they know what I think, value, and tolerate, and they share the same values as me. But a few of those friends have been sort of 'excommunicated' from their fandoms because they refuse to engage in the hate towards BTS, and this happens far more often than you think.

I write as much as I do about this topic because I get it. Nobody wants to see shit like that. But at the same time, those sentiments towards Jimin and BTS have always existed and Jimin is still happy, thriving, more concerned with knowing what his fans think about his music, so if he's the reason you're here, then focus on him.

For me it's really that simple.

[yurissweettooth]

I'm... fine... This is............... fine.........💔 (It's actually not fine lol) My longwinded thoughts about TB2's ending under the cut (contains major spoilers, of course)

It isn't even that they killed him... it's how wildly out of character it was for all three of them. I don't really even have the proper words for all of it right now, but if you saw it you probably know exactly what I mean even if I can't articulate it well here.

The way they were talking and smiling (for quite a while, long enough for emergency services to arrive) while Lunatic was left to lie on the ground was absolutely shocking. Official or not, they are heroes and they protect civilians and criminals alike!!! Why would they leave someone so injured unattended? Why did they not stay at his side like they usually do? How did they take their eyes off of him so long that he could sneak off?

Additionally, when they found him, they didn't take many measures to save his life. Have they never seen a suicidal person before? Of course they have, as heroes they likely deal with it often. He was standing precariously looking like he was going to jump, he put a barrier between them and told them to stay away, and yet it took him actually setting himself on fire for Kotetsu to yell "what are you doing!?" and run after him???

Also wtf was up with what they said to him? They didn't try to talk him down or beg him to stop or reason with him. They didn't tell him his life had meaning or that he wasn't deserving of death. They didn't give him the same treatment that was given to Virgil, or Fugan and Mugan, or so many others. They simply said "I didn't agree with everything you did but thanks for the help" and "you were a true hero out there". It almost sounded like they were just accepting his death!!!

And then the way they acted afterwards... they looked like their 3 day old pet goldfish just died, not like a man they knew for YEARS just took his life right before their eyes and they weren't able to stop him. Not like Kotetsu had failed to protect the man he'd spent actual years trying to change and reason with and help. Not like the Judge turned Director they respected and knew to be helpful and reasonable wasn't beaten to a bloody pulp and trying to kill himself. Not like a human being who is deserving of life as all human beings are wasn't just in need while they did nothing to stop it.

But yeah, go out to eat. Smile and laugh, celebrate right after you carelessly and willfully failed to protect someone.Someone you had at least some marginal connection to, no less.

This is a huge slap in the face to Yuri as a character, but it's a full-on assault on Barnaby and Kotetsu. It's actually appalling how out of character and regressive that was.

Additionally, Kotetsu never even remedied his past blunder when having Legend revealed to him. I thought for sure that it would come up again and he'd be able to speak more empathetically and clearly, but no. Yuri's last one on one conversation with Kotetsu, someone he clearly respected and admired at this point, was being told that Kotetsu still respected his father after he abused his and that the power of friendship would have stopped it (how did Kotetsu know whether or not he had friends? Also was his wife not enough? She supported him even when he was beating her, like how much more support and companionship did the guy need?). And of course they didn't know, but this was all on the day his mom died too, yikes!!!!!

I thought the message of this series was about how every life was worth saving and that there were no sins too heavy to be atoned for. Yuri has been having that message drilled into him by Kotetsu since the beginning, even in S1 we can see him start to change. By the Rising you can witness him start to take that to heart and when cour 2 rolls around he's stopped killing entirely and is attempting to live a normal, peaceful life in spite of temptations.

Even after his (quite understandable, frankly) slip up he goes through MORE character development. Though initially he tries to kill again, his mother and father's words take on new meaning to him when he teams up with the heroes. He has the revelation that he has his own autonomy and can follow his own heart. The actions that preceded were of his own will, and he seems to use that knowledge when going into battle alongside Kotetsu and Barnaby. He can be a true hero, he can avoid turning a blind eye to evil. When he fights against Audun, he isn't going for a kill. Let me remind that there have been SO many points in this series where Yuri has asked that the heroes prove their form of justice to him, where he has sat back and observed, where he has even aided them in carrying out their own form of justice. And now he is experiencing it first hand!! He threw himself in front of the heroes and took serious hits to protect them, to protect their form of justice… so why then does he do a 180 at the very end and decide to stick to his own code of justice? The old one? Why does he use his fathers words (which, not even moments before in that episode he used to inspire him to be a hero in a way that wasn’t killing) to justify killing himself??????????

It was incredibly out of character!!! So much of the stuff between those three was in that episode to an insulting level.

I’m not even bitter that he died. If they needed him to die then he can die, but there are so many other ways they could have done this that didn’t feel shallow, rushed, and completely careless. There was something so cold about the way everyone immediately forgot about him and took to smiling and laughing again. He was put through an unimaginable amount of torture porn, lost everything, had a redemption, undid the redemption, died in mental and physical agony, and no one even cared, thus proving how he likely felt: He was not worthy of living or redemption. It’s so antithetical to the spirit of the whole series, as was a LOT of this season.

And this is as someone that LIKED this season. It was messy, there were weird moments and overly convenient plot devices, and it had a serious change of tone compared to S1 and the Rising but I still enjoyed it! I loved the new characters, I loved the suspense, I was so compelled by the story, and I was so invested. For all of those reasons I was able to accept the minor nitpicks, even some of the ooc moments, but that ending… wow, so much came undone then. It was so much build-up just to have so many plotlines ditched and fall flat. And what did we have to show for it all? A fist bump (he couldn’t even hug his crying partner after all they’ve been through together? A fist bump? Really???) and some sequel bait? Lol

In the end, so many of the amazing ideas felt pointless or like they did not resolve. I love that they tried so many things, but I genuinely wonder if they tried TOO many. There was a ton of new characters with forefront plotlines thrown in (several who didn’t even make it cour 2), many major interweaving and ongoing storylines, and an attempt to tackle a huge plot while balancing so many other aspects. It was ambitious, but it felt like a bit much for one season and, in the end, it was rushed.

Other minor issues become more glaring when there is little to no payoff in the end. I’m not sure how this affects my overall view of the season… as of the moment, I still like it. I had a lot of fun and there are many interesting ideas and some pretty solid stuff there. I am the type of person who loves to rewrite stuff I didn’t enjoy or pick up dropped plot threads for fanfiction exploration and there is truly a lot to explore here.

It had been my mentality since the beginning that I would likely view S2 as a separate entity from S1. From the get-go the vibe and tone was different and it was hard for me to reconcile them in my head. I still maintain that mentality now. I like them both, but they are very different in tone, spirit, and heart.

I am just so disappointed in that ending… it’s appalling… Kotetsu, Barnaby, and Yuri all deserved much much better :(