#and I need to try to internalise the fact that I can just post

[theirrepressibleheiress]

I feel this deeply in my soul about my own stuff but also all your posts, both about Twitch and more broadly, are really cool! (Esp your art!!!)

I think it's important to remember that like? A thing doesn't have to be done or fully formed or perfect to be shared - a lot of my wildest and coolest ideas have come from sharing a seed of a thought and bouncing it off other people and watching it evolve into something from that.

i need to get over my NPC syndrome (idk what to call it. the 'doesn't feel like i can/too shy to share ideas out of the blue, need to be prompted or invited first' syndrome)

i have so many things in my brain,,,i have lots of idea snippets that i'd like to share!! but there is a wall in the way, and it doesn't help that i'm bad at verbalising things

very annoying!!!

[franzivonkarma]

I desperately need people to understand that Franziska's whipping thing really isn't solely a silly character gimmick. Of course it is to a degree, just like Godot and coffee and Klavier and air guitar in court, but so often I see people dismiss Franziska's whipping trait as an annoying feature that adds nothing to her character and I cannot stand it. This is a bit of a rant and I touch on gender inequality and the way I see a lot of men treat her as a character a decent amount within this because I feel like the fact that she is a woman is actually very important to this element of her character, and her treatment is also a lot of the reason why I feel compelled to talk about this in the first place.

Firstly what you need to understand is that not only is Franziska a woman, she is also laughably young when she becomes a prosecutor. She's a 13 year old girl trying to hold the attention of a courtroom of mostly grown men and be taken seriously. It's no secret that misogyny does exist in the Ace Attorney universe of course (see: Godot), but aside from this, maybe it's just because I've been playing Ace Attorney Investigations recently, but she is just very small all around. It's a running gag in Turnabout Reminiscence that she is short, she's small, she can't see things Edgeworth can - although granted Edgeworth is definitely fairly tall, most estimates I've seen linger around 5'8-5'10 (around 170-180cm). And of course, she is only 13 here, she's not done growing, but it's at this age that she actually did begin to prosecute. Naturally, she'd often be underestimated, and we can see a strong desire to prove herself during Turnabout Reminiscence, even just to her father; I can only imagine that this would extend further into her trials as a young girl. Secondly, she's the daughter of Manfred von Karma, whom she idolises to a godlike status and who teaches her everything she knows about prosecuting, and also a lot about life in general - he's her father. There's a lot I could say about their dynamic, but I feel that much of it doesn't need to be said in this specific post if you're already here dedicated to Franziska enough to bother reading this post.

Manfred's courtroom (and often, regular) behaviour revolves a lot around him taking complete control of the entire courtroom, with him even speaking over the judge, overruling objections he does not like and sustaining his own, and instructing witnesses himself. He also often snaps his fingers to direct attention to himself and his point. Franziska learns this, but how does a literal 13 year old girl follow her father in this regard? Well, by force. Whipping someone is a very clear way to get their attention. Not only the person it hits but the people around - whips cracking are loud, they take up a lot of visual space, and they also obviously cause harm to the person they hit. These are all things you can't really ignore - it forces you to look at her and pay attention to her and gives her control of the room exactly like Manfred. I've also been thinking a lot about the end of Justice For All in relation to this. She's lost to Phoenix multiple times and she couldn't beat him even once just to prove that she was better than Edgeworth as she so desperately wanted to. This brings me to another point about her use of her whip. While I think control is a huge aspect and is my main focus here, I think it falls more under the umbrella of Franziska's own perceived shortcomings. We also know that she doesn't believe she lives up to her father's genius, and that she consistently feels like she's walking in Edgeworth's shadow, she says it herself:

I think at least some part of the reason her whip is so important is because she believes she could very well be less than equal to others in the room in terms of certain traits. She sees her father as a genius, knows she isn't equal to him, and internalises this (whether she is actually less intelligent or not I personally don't know what I believe, I haven't played Justice For All in over a year and a half and I would have to replay it to decide my thoughts).

In having to be perfect, there are many expectations she cannot live up to, and this leads to many ways in which she falls short of what she believes she should be. By using her whip, again, she can account for her perceived shortcomings in other areas - control, her intelligence, her ability as a prosecutor. I think this last scene of JFA actually introduces us to the idea that Franziska is somewhat self-doubting in some ways and compares herself a lot with others, not just Manfred, but also Edgeworth, which we see more of in Ace Attorney Investigations during Turnabout Reminiscence, where we see her at 13 attempting to prove that she can "out-logic" Edgeworth for the entire case, and essentially, that she is "more perfect" than he is.

But to come back to her whip, control, and the end of Justice For All.

She is left with little of who she was before and doesn't know how to move on - everything she was taught to be from the moment she was born, she no longer is. She is 18 here, prosecuting for 5 years already and desperate to be prosecuting for even longer. As far as her life was set out, this was basically it for her - become a perfect prosecutor and prosecute perfectly just like Manfred - the ideal prosecutor in her eyes.

A Von Karma is perfect, but she is not - she lost, just like Edgeworth, whom she shamed for the same thing. She gives up her whip here, and I feel that it's truly symbolic of how she feels like she's completely lost control of herself, her life, her relationship with her father and most obviously her occupation as a prosecutor. How could she continue being a prosecutor when she no longer lives up to the idea of it that she's had her entire life? What use is her whip if she will not need to hold the court's attention any longer?

I'm sure a million other people have thrown their coin in the pot on this exact topic, and I'm sure many have said the same thing as me and many have said something different, but I needed to write my thoughts out about it because I couldn't stop thinking about her. This is one big reason why I feel like I see a lot of men who don't understand Franziska and see her as very annoying, gimmicky, and my least favourite - a "female Edgeworth." She is a woman who steals attention and space forcibly; both from characters in-game, and also from the player with her animations that take up time in trials and a lot of the visual space. Of course this makes her unpopular with a lot of men. I'm not saying that if you dislike her or the whip it comes from a place of misogyny, I am saying that I think her whipping trait is reduced to a stupid, annoying gimmick more than, say, Godot and his coffee, because a lot of people don't really care to see that there is intention behind it that reveals a lot about her character, just like how Godot's coffee problem is relevant to his backstory.

[heretherebedork]

I was just reading your post about Way's betrayal and how that relates to the idea of family that Babe is building with Charlie. And I have a *lot* of feelings about Way's betrayal, and the fact that he consistently devalues Babe's ability to love *in general* because Babe won't/can't love him in the specific way he wants, even though Babe obviously adores him. And I feel like that must come through for Babe - not only that Way doesn't want him to love anyone romantically if it can't be him, and acts to make sure that he doesn't try - but also that his love in general isn't valuable if it doesn't take the specific shape Way wants. And then along comes Charlie, and says "Not only are you worthy of love, loving you is the easiest thing I've ever done and I'm prepared to devote my literal life to it." And then he steps that up and says "Not only is your romantic love valuable, but you have such obvious love in you that I think you would make a great parent, that you could be trusted and relied upon to love and nurture a child. And I would like to be involved in that personally." And for Way, his best friend, the person he trusts most, to turn around and take this thing he's only just started internalising about himself and betray it, to say that it would be fine for him to have these children they both know Tony is going to sell to the highest bidder just because it would make Tony stop chasing them? I don't have words. Just... thank god he'd made up with Charlie by that point because imagine him having to process that alone. Anyway, thank you for your excellent post and sorry for the flailing in your askbox. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this aspect of things.

I think part of what I find most fascinating is that Babe stayed in denial of Way's romantic love for him as long as possible including dismissing it as unimportant compared to their friendship even after he had to know what was going on.

And Babe having to face that Way not only manipulated him and controlled him in that final moment but the idea that he had been doing that all along? That Way had been telling him that love wasn't worthwhile because it wasn't the love Way wanted him to have?

Charlie really does give Babe everything he needs and wants, to be loved and to cared for and to be trusted and to be told that he is not just worthy but that he can be more.

That's why that whole Mama and Papa thing is so beautiful and seeing Way try to twist it is even worse. Because, to Babe, being called Mama is the most amazing thing. As you said, it validates not only that he is worthy of love but that he is worthy of giving love.

Babe has, for a very long time, locked up his want to be loved and to love in return, locked it behind sex and masculinity and the real belief that he wasn't worthy of loving or being loved, that he would never find what he was searching for and so he stopped searching. Why search for love when the one person who knew you better than anyone else convinced you that it could never be yours?

Charlie gave him love, gave him the chance to love and be loved, to be cared for and held and for all those soft moment and then Charlie said 'Mama, you are worthy of love and of being loved and making a family, a new family, a better family' and Babe melted entirely because he so desperately wants that.

And that's why Way's love is even more painful. Because Way loved Babe only if he was Way's. That's why I call Way an incel. Because the Babe that Way loved was a a Babe that Way was trying to shape. It was not the real Babe, not the babygirl who melts into Charlie's arms and melts into the pet name of Mama. Way loved his idea of Babe and that was why he was so able to hurt him.

Babe dreams of a family and raising children and having his lover at his side but Way dreams of the idea of Babe at his side and that means that none of the rest of it matters.

Way twisted Babe's dreams to fit his own. He saw Babe wanting a family and decided that going back to their original family would be just as good, wouldn't it? Now, a lot of that does come from the abusive nature of their former family that Babe escaped in a way Way didn't escape but that's just as hard to really focus on because, yes, it's an explanation but it's not an excuse.

Way has created a hole in heart that he keeps trying to fit Babe into because he's convinced that hole is Babe-shaped but the truth is that hole in his heart can never be filled because no one will ever fit that perfectly into yourself with no rough edges or snags.

Charlie lied to Babe but he also loved Babe for Babe and that is why he found his way back to Babe's side while Way lied to Babe but he loved who Babe should have been according to him and that is why he didn't understand when Babe exploded at him.

(Someday, Way may understand why Babe was so hurt but I don't think he's accepted that yet and that is why he is so dangerous. Because he still believes he can get Babe back by bringing him to his side... not understanding what he did to him.)

[study-like-you-mean-it]

2024 Goal Setting for People Who Used to be Studyblr Queens and are Now Just Muddling Through Adult Life

I know you, you know me. I've had this account since I was freshly 16 and I'm 23 (and a half) now, and I can guarantee there's loads of you in the same boat right now.

Where did I go? What did I do? I finished my Master's Degree and realised (with some trepidation) at the end of it that I'd achieved everything that was on my list of things to achieve ever, and I didn't really have a plan on what I was going to do, so for what may have been the first time in my life I just...winged it. Started measuring progress according to how I felt about it. And it worked! Lots of good has come out of it so let me suggest some goal setting approaches to help if you're in a similar position (and given the studyblr -> chaos pipeline I might suggest there's at least a few people this might help)

Point 1 - Don't set yourself academic goals

"But Study Like You Mean It, I always set academic goals!" I hear you say. I appreciate the irony of my username in relation to this. Point is, you're not in academia anymore. You need to stop goal setting like you're in academia, and the easiest way to do this is to stop setting academic goals.

"But I like the pursuit of knowledge!" I hear you counter. So do I, but if you've just come out of a hothouse academic setting, you *really* need to consider who you're goal setting for. Do you like the idea of being a polyglot by the end of the year? Sure, fine, whatever, but consider who you're goal setting for. Do you want to be a polyglot because you like the process of learning languages, or because you want to show to others that you know languages? It sounds silly, but you're not working to a grade anymore, and it's absolutely essential that you reflect on why you like doing academic things. This doesn't apply to everyone, but I would kick off the process of self-reflection on this (because you know the Studyblr types are most likely guilty of performative learning) by refusing to set yourself academic goals.

If you don't hit a yardstick, what's the worst that will happen?

(nothing- the answer is nothing and you need to start getting comfortable with that)

Point 2 - Set Process-Based Goals

Building on the last point, if you want to have achieved something by the end of the year, how can you frame it in a way that's definitely not you trying to put down a point to show to others that you've improved, and instead internalise your sense of progress? Maybe the goal you set is "by the end of the year, I want to feel like I understand internalised growth and progress", and you'll know at the end of the year when you self-reflect if you've succeeded in that.

Otherwise, set a process-based goal. If you want to get better at something, but know you're guilty of holding yourself to externalised yardsticks, set yourself a goal that's about the process rather than the result. Scary, I know. For example, say you want to start playing a sport. If you go in without a process-based goal, you could end up saying to yourself "I want to put myself in a position where I qualify for a team two leagues above by the end of the season," which is a SMART* goal, but incredibly determined by outside reflections on your own ability, and very end-result focused. There's a time and a place for goals like this, but if you're coming off a high-intensity academic environment, I would argue that it's not the right place. Instead, what about "I will show up every week and be positive about the fact that I'm not perfect"? It's about the learning process, and I think post-university a lot of people fall out of love with the actual learning process, and become too mired in results.

*specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, time-bound

Point 3 - What happens if you don't hit your goal?

I love asking this question to people who've come out of academic environments.

Literally what's going to happen if you can't meet the goal that you've set for yourself when you set an end-goal focused goal?

Nothing!!!!!

It's so freeing. Embrace it! There are no time bounds on learning, so enjoy the learning! There's no exam to pass, no professors to wow, no applications to get accepted. It's just you learning how to be you, and remembering why you love to get good at things!

Part 4 - Habits =/= Goals

This one maybe is a bit tricky to explain. It's the difference between "I'm going to get into the practice of reading on my commute when I can" and "I must finish 10 books this year by reading on my commute when I can". One of them is about introducing something new into your life because it makes you feel good, and the other one is about setting limits on that because you feel you need to control the way that you enjoy things (this comes from academia putting constraints on learning, etc.).

Be patient with yourself, for goodness' sakes. Get into the habit and enjoy the process, don't automatically find ways to be masochistic about it.

My Goal Setting Approach

Now I've clarified the kinds of goals to set in this new and scary world, I'll run through my approach to implement them. First thing to note is I like setting lots of goals, but then those all get broken into little habits that I can focus on in my day to day, as well as timeline-less tasks to accomplish when I've got the time free.

I start with areas I'd like to improve myself in (again, not as a discipline thing, but towards the vision that I might be a more rounded and enriched person because of it):

Personal - how can I become more introspective/calm/mindful?

Financial - how can I become more fiscally responsible now I'm an adult?

Social - how do I make time for others?

Work - what does progress at work over this year look like?

Sport - this can be replaced by whatever your main hobby is

Intellectual - how can I enrich myself and learn about things that I'm interested in?

I won't run through all of these, but I'll create some examples:

Domain: Financial - how can I become more fiscally responsible now I'm an adult?

General points on this: I can save more money, I can improve my credit score, I can pay off some loans

Habits: for the first, I can maybe aim to save 20% of my takehome, by putting 10% in at the start of the month, and trying to put 10% in at the end if I've got enough, and I can set up the timelineless task of opening a high interest-rate savings account for money that I don't need for emergency access; for the second, I can set the timelineless task of setting up a credit card, and get into the habit of paying for my groceries with it; for the third, I can sit down and look at how much of my takehome I can dedicate to this, and then get into the habit of paying off a sustainable amount

Now, I have the timelineless tasks fo getting a credit card, opening a new savings account, and sitting down and looking at my loans, and then I have the two habits of tucking bits of money away and paying off some loans. Note that there's nothing that's made it too urgent (which I admit is a privilege) and there's nothing that tells me I'm a bad person for not being able to do it. Another example:

Domain: intellectual - how can I enrich myself and learn about things that I'm interested in?

General points on this: I would like to read more broadly, I would like to improve my French, I would like to understand more about world events

Habits: for the first, I can read on my commute when I can get a seat on the train, as I have half an hour each way so I can use that time to read. I can set the timelineless task of exploring the kinds of books that I'd like to read; for the second, I can choose to consume more French media when I feel like I have the mental capacity. I also have to speak French at work, so I want to get into the habit of not cowarding out and switching to English (scary but doable); for the last, I can get into the habit of watching the evening news (so it's contained within a time slot and I'm not being overwhelmed by the 24h news cycle) and I can set the timelineless task of picking up a copy of a magazine like the economist once in a while to get a deeper understanding.

So the habits to get into are reading on my commute, choosing to speak more in French, and watching the news when I can; the tasks are maybe picking up a copy of a magazine and coming up with a reading list.

The whole point of this approach is it breaks your bigger goals into a timeline-free to-do list, and then a list of small habits that you can get into. The good news is that there's no punishment for failure! If I want to listen to the Bongo's Bingo Greatest Hits playlist on the train one morning instead of reading about the modern history of Cambodia, nobody's going to come along and tell me off for not being serious enough, or clever enough, or "academic" enough about my approach to life. The to-do list aspect I find immensely helpful, as often I struggle to write larger-level to-do lists when I'm in the middle of the year, because I don't have the same kind of clarity over the types of progress I want to make when I'm in the middle of things.

Anyway, I hope this is useful, and a good counterpoint to the mindset that everyone who's ever been near Studyblr has. Learning now is only for enjoyment, so enjoy that aspect! Live your life! Understand that the process of betterment is all about enriching your personal sphere and nothing about other people because (drumroll) literally nobody else cares! In a good way! Nobody cares that you've not mastered Polish in 3 weeks or read the entire academic output of Montaigne in a week! And it's cool if you have, but the person you are is more important, and freeing yourself from external yardsticks is so so crucial!

Love to anyone who read this far ♥

[kavehater]

Man I wish I could feel bad enough for even talking so I just don’t yap too much it just feels embarrassing a lot of the time

My brother just called me an unskippable NPC 😭

[secretsofthewilde]

There's something particularly frustrating about how academic fandom studies tend to talk about fandom spaces as being a place for inclusiveness and queer representation when there's still a very prominent misogyny problem throughout them. Even when these studies address issues of racism within fandom shipping dynamics, they still tend to perpetuate the idea that fandom is the rare place where queer ships tend to be more popular than straight ones, without really addressing the fact that this tends to only true when it comes to cis, white, m/m ships. If you want some kind of numerical evidence of this, you just need to look at the statistics on ao3 to see that f/f ships are the least popular kind of pairing on that site. And when you think of the stereotypical big name fandoms, most of them are well known for their m/m ships, with the f/f ships often being dismissed or treated as a joke.

I'm not of the opinion, nor trying to make an argument in support of the idea, that this is due to the stereotype of fangirls fetishising queer men. Instead, I think it's largely due to misogyny* - shocker, I know. I really do think that the stereotypical fangirl gravitates towards slash pairings due to both internalised misogyny and the general prominence of male oriented media over female oriented media (which will therefore have more male characters that are fleshed out with more engaging writing as opposed to their female supporting cast).

However, it's one thing for the abundance of male driven stories to generate more fan works exploring said characters, and another entirely for those same fans to then ignore when we do have media that gives us well written and enjoyable female characters. I think it's in part due to our internalised misogyny that fangirls have a tendency to gravitate towards their familiar male orientated shows and then fixate on the same familiar character types, rather than exploring and celebrating the breadth of female-centric media we have finally been getting produced in recent years. And this inability to allow ourselves to enjoy female characters the same way we do with male ones is what leads to an abundance of slash pairings being celebrated in fandom spaces, while femslash ones struggle to get recognition**. The fact that there's a common joke in fandom spaces about popular pairings developing between two characters who never interacted (or for only a brief scene) is all very well and good fun, but this is almost always referring to a m/m pairing.

As fans we should really reflect on why we might celebrate a male character for doing morally grey things, but then hate a female character for exhibiting those exact same traits. It's fine to genuinely not enjoy the writing of a female character (especially when sexist writing is often to blame), but we should consider how much more willing we seem to be to forgive poor writing when it comes to male characters than we are with female characters. If we can make a million headcanons and claim to love a poorly written male character, who is now viewed as something so far removed from the canon of the media he appears in its practically a different character entirely, why do so many of us seem unwilling to do the same for female characters?

We should be doing the same with our female characters - we should be putting more female characters into our favourite dynamics and tropes. I want to see more enemies to lovers headcanons with femslash pairings; I want nbc hannibal levels of art and meta posts about toxic femslash couples; I want johnlock levels of delusion posts about a femslash couple the story writers are claiming they didn't write the subtext for. I would just really love to log into tumblr and see a femslash pairings tag is trending more than once in a blue moon.

*note: obviously misogny is not the only contributing factor, and this initial argument I'm raising doesn't address the issues surrounding racial, gender-queer identities, and other inequalities within fandom. Please do not think I'm ignoring or downplaying them.

**Theres also an argument to be made here about fangirls projecting themselves onto male characters in order to explore queer relationships, without having to challenge their own internalised misogyny/homophobia, but I'll come back to that later (and this in general) and expand on it some other time I think.

[olderthannetfic]

One thing I really wish more people understood is that wanting to keep something private doesn't mean you're ashamed of it or nefariously trying to hide it.

Not wanting to connect your smutfic account to your real name or your SFW internet presence doesn't mean you think sex is shameful, it means you don't want to connect that part of your creative output to other parts of your life. Maybe you feel like it's none of anyone else's business, maybe you just don't want to have conversations about it with coworkers and casual acquantances, maybe you just enjoy writing smut in secret and sharing it anonymously. All of these can be the case without your being ashamed or embarased of your fic.

Similarily, not wanting to share your age, health, finances, ethnicity, etc in a social media header doesn't mean you're nefariously hiding these details OR that you're ashamed of them. Maybe you're keeping them private for your own safety, or because they're none of anyone's business. Or maybe you don't keep them private and just don't want to define yourself by those details for someone who hasn't even read your posts yet.

I see a lot of sort of... reverse shaming? shaming about shame? online these days. If you don't state your ethnicity or sexual orientation or mental health diagnosis in your About Me, it's because you're ashamed of that and trying to hide it and have internalised whateverphobia.

It gets very messy with anything kinky or sexually explicit, because if you DO share that you write noncon fic, then you're evil and forcing it on everyone (everyone who's too dumb to figure out what a tag is, at least), and if you don't share it then one side says you're ashamed of it and need to be overcome your puritanical beliefs, while the other side says you're tricking people into engaging with your SFW online presense and therefore evil.

But some people just like to keep things separate. My dad reads my SFW fic, but I don't want him to find my PWP; not because I'm ashamed of it, but because talking with your parents about your sex life is just not a conversation anyone wants to have.

People are entitled to be private, and to keep different parts of their lives separate, and the fact that someone wants to control what information about them is known to whom doesn't mean they're hiding something out of shame or for evil reasons.

--

[orange-orchard-system]

currently sort of…struggling? with the fact we might as well be polyfrag, we’ve internalised a lot of anxiety about the concept. your post made a LOT of things click at once and it’s proving to be quite the uneavelling realisation. of course, no need to use the label if it feels upsetting or uncomfortable to, but just…it’s a lot. It’s a lot, we doubt ourselves a lot already even though we know how real we are. Afraid of being laughed at or harassed for it, if that makes sense? Anyone who does can absolutely fuck right off though! We’re not ever going to simply cease to be.

I understand. Despite being such a "staple" of a term, what it's like to live as a polyfrag system is not understood or talked about nearly as much as I would like. Large systems exist! Complicated systems exist! Fragments (or whatever other term people prefer to use for them) exist! I wasn't expecting that post to get so much attention, but I'm glad more people are learning about these things.

I completely agree that fakeclaimers and jerkwads can fuck right off! Sometimes I think it would be easier to not be polyfragmented, especially when it comes to connecting with other systems, but... We've put in a lot of work to like and appreciate who we are. We get lots of headmates and try to welcome them all. We work together when some of us struggle. We use memory aids to battle the memory issues. We can slip into bad habits, can get overwhelmed, can get hurt by the people who try to kick us out of the community... but despite all that, We're still here. All of us – not just our system, but yours too, and all others – matter and make this community a brighter place to be.

We are plural as in there are more of us than they think and we're not going anywhere.

I hope you're able to come to an understanding with the possibility of being polyfragmented, anon. Good luck!!

[autisticwriterblog]

Today mum told me she’d been thinking about T, and she brought up stuff she’d been worrying about. Like, the possibility that the NHS wouldn’t cover a private prescription and I’d have to pay out of pocket for T gel (because that’s what I’d take in an ideal world), or side effects and shit like that. She promised she’s never try to stop me taking T (which would include taking me to appointments because I can’t do anything on my own) but the fact that she’s worried about it kinda upsets me. Like I know it’s a big thing, and she was terrified about me being put under for top surgery because she didn’t want her kid to die, but there’s a big difference between major surgery and HRT. It doesn’t help that she can’t take oestrogen because of a blood clotting disorder (that I didn’t get, thankfully) and when I was a baby, my grandma’s HRT for the menopause caused a hormone feeding tumour to press on her spine and gsve her nerve damage to this dsy. So there’s an understandable amount of trauma for my mum surrounding HRT. But that’s oestrogen. I want to take T.

And I know she’s worried, but… I dunno… I was so excited about the possibility of T and now I kinda want to cry. Even though nothing has actually changed. We’re still going to start looking for appointments at gender clinics in the new year. She’s supportive of my gender (even though she’s clearly confused thst I went from NB to pretty-much-just-a-dude… but to be fair, I don’t really understand it either. Gender is fucking weird) and calls me her son when she meets people and they ask about her family. Plus, she reminded me that I need to tell my dad about this, because we life together and it’s kinda impossible to hide from him, but I’m worried because what if he gets mad? He never once looked at my scars post top surgery,unlike the women in my family, which always makes me paranoid that he still views me as a girl or something. And it’d be really helpful to talk to a cis dude I’m related to about puberty, but… I get so anxious talking to him. He hasn’t been emotionally abusive for over ten years but those childhood fears won’t disappear.

I dunno. I forgot thst real life is a lot more complicated thst the ideas in my head. And I’m so fucking anxious now.

TMI/NSFT under the cut, plus discussion of OCD intrusive thoughts (nothing specific)

When we’ve previously talks about T, like why I didn’t want it a few years ago, I mentioned that I thought bottom growth was weird (almost certainly influenced by the fearmongering about transmasc stuff I’d internalised on tumblr as a teenager). But… my opinion of thst has changed. It’s actually something I’m quite excited for. But I can hardly tell my mother that I want a t dick. It sucks having no irl friends to talk about the more private stuff with., because there are some topics I do not want to talk about with my mum.

Mum also mentioned that libido increase might fuck with my OCD, and she’s right that that could happen. I get sexual intrusive thoughts that have caused me immense distress in the past because of how horrible they are, and they try to mess with me when I’m horny, so having a higher libido could be a problem. But also that might not happen, and I could always learn to cope, as I’ve done in the past. I just don’t want to be scared away from T because of my stupid brain. It’d be like letting the OCD win. And yet, mum brought up something I’ve worried about before and now I can’t stop thinking about it.

[papakhan]

Lol why would someone even say that. Like... idk im transmasc im personally mortified of the idea of getting pregnant but... its none of my business if another man wants to be pregnant why would there be any judgement there 😭😭😭 plus the post was very funny people need to stop projecting over a sillay little post. Have a good night king the haters dont get it

the thing is I totally understand trans guys being uncomfortable with the concept of (trans) men getting pregnant. In our society its a very gendered concept, it gets fetishised by weirdos online all the time and to a lot of (especially queer) afab people its strongly associated with control and abuse. I totally get it. That was me not so long ago but after a lot of research I became more comfortable with it because I want to have children one day. I shouldn't have to expose this part of myself as a defence against people calling me transphobic when I am literally trans and half the fight for trans people is "my body my choice"

what gets me is that the tumblr fallout community gets in this fucking argument allll the fucking time over whether the fallout universe should be "dark and gritty and ~realistic~" in regards to Everyone being transphobic Or if the wasteland should be some kind of trans haven without the binds of society. I personally lean on the latter and get a lot of comfort out of the idea that the Great Khans specifically are a bastion of trans joy and experience and to them women having dicks and men giving birth is just. normal.

the end goal for trans people should be to de-gender concepts like pregnancy and penis but we're never gonna fucking get anywhere if trans people project their dysphoria onto each other and start self-flagellating themselves whenever someone steps out of line or makes a stupid joke.

And yeah this is an overreaction to someone critising a stupid post of mine but I'm more mad at the wider culture of the fallout community (and tumblr) regarding this topic because like I said shit like this keeps happening. part of my job is about educating people about trans bodies and saying shit like "don't assume who can and can't get pregnant" and trying to help fellow trans people find comfort in a country that's actively trying to get them all murdered. To then log onto tumblr dot com and get called transphobic because I said I love headcanoning Papa as trans and him being able to deflect the Legion's misogyny because of his transness is like a slap to the face. you guys are meant to be the transgender love website what the fuck are you talking about?? Also Saying that I'm enabling transphobia by allowing people who arent trans men to reblog my post is also stupid and for the record most people in my notes right now are either trans people who are genuinely agreeing that Papa is trans or ghost fans who think I'm talking about their band (but are still trans and still agreeing).

sure maybe I should have put a trigger warning on the post or something because it might trigger someone's dyphoria, but just say that. Don't act like I'm the problem and that I'm too stupid to recognise internalised transphobia and calling me "too comfortable with joking about trans bodies" when 1. I wasn't joking About trans bodies and 2. ITS MY FUCKING BODY

My joke was about how Caesar cant handle Papa being trans. it was a joke about how society cant handle trans people who they can't clock. it was also a joke about how Papa comes from a society where transness is so normalised that he wrongfully assumes that its something everyone can do. At no point was I "nasty about trans bodies" like this person claims I was. In fact I think that pretending that I was says more about how they view trans bodies than it does about how I do, That I can mention trans pregnancy and they automatically assume I'm fetishing or being disrespectful.

anyway. that's a lot of shit. thanks for letting me ramble and tucking me into bed so sweetly <3

[erseac]

Venom

Explicit, Zoé/Marinette, a bit dub-con

“Okay, I’m sorry to put this on you, but I have a big secret to share”, said Zoé. Marinette looked up, interested.

“It’s a bit dangerous to know it, but Ladybug said it was okay, so… here goes. I am a superhero. Sometimes.”

Zoé let out a big sigh. Good to finally get it out there.

“Wow, that’s so cool! Which one?”, Marinette shouted excitedly. “Can you show me your suit?”

“Vesperia”, said Zoé. Okay, Marinette was taking this well. Ladybug had said that she probably would, but it was still a relief to hear it from her. She’d have expected at least a bit of doubt, but apparently not. Okay then, let’s give the lady what she wants. “Pollen, buzz on!”

The familiar yellow light filled Marinette’s room as the magic changed Zoé’s outfit. When she looked up, Marinette was staring at her with those big blue eyes.

“That’s amazing!”

“Thank you!”, said Zoé excitedly. “I still can’t believe Ladybug chose me.”

“Why not? You’re smart and brave and have a strong sense of justice. You’re a perfect hero.”

As usual, Zoé fell just a little bit more for Marinette. How could anybody not? The superhero suit made her feel strong, but Marinette made her feel powerful.

“So, there’s a reason I’m showing you this”, said Zoé, trying to think of the bullet points she practiced beforehand while Marinette’s smile was distracting her. “Ladybug is giving out the Miraculouses to various holders to practice their powers. That’s great, but my power is venom, I can’t practice that on my own. I need a human subject who is willing to get frozen. I know it’s a big ask, it’s super-scary, but Ladybug said that you would be the perfect-“

“I’ll do it!”

Read the rest on Ao3

As an author's note, I am posting this today to celebrate the second anniversary of @fuckyeahladybug's ML Kink Meme (so really this story is their fault).

This project was really the reason why I got into writing smut stories at all. I had been thinking about it before, for years in fact, but I always told myself I wasn't good enough and it was too scary. Reading the prompts on the ML Kink Meme and writing my own was very liberating. It made it clear to me that it was okay if stories were short, beginner-level, weird, wacky or self-indulgent, as long as I had fun. That was something I would have agreed with before, but that project really made me internalise it. I ended up mostly writing my own things directly, but I still love this project and want it to succeed.

It's no secret that it's still very much at the beginning, of course, but we can all change that by promoting it, writing prompts and most importantly writing prompt fills — not because we owe the ML Kink Meme anything, but because doing so and having it around is fun.

My specific suggestion here is to people who are thinking about writing erotica but are scared of actually doing it: Go there, look at the prompts, see if anything strikes your fancy. Maybe write some prompts of your own. Maybe fill a prompt that seems interesting, even if it's just with a hundred words (and even if it already has a story or its your own prompt, those are both okay). It doesn't have to be perfect, it can be weird and short. You are fully free.

And if you're worried about this being tied to a user name that people know, you can always do what I did and create an explicit-rated second account for this purpose.

[iamverynormalaboutsge]

I demand justice for the morally grey baby girl/silly goose.

This is a Rafal appreciation post because God knows we don't have enough of them.

So here is a list of reasons why Rafal is my favourite morally grey baby girl and he should be yours too(or at least your favourite silly goose):

1. Despite his sassiness and almost in-sync physical behaviour, like his brother's (both of them got up at the same time to jump at each other's throat. No warning no nothing literally just sprung to their feet while eating sandwiches and tea how does that work?) Rafal very much loves his dumbass brother. Rafal remembered everything with fondness regarding his brother. Sure it's not very wholesome to scare the ever-living hell out of your twin brother making him cry but the fact that he remembered, even after CENTURIES of being 17/immortal kept by the Storian, that Rhian would call him Fala. (For me the moment was oddly wholesome despite the cruelty implications from Rafal's side. I guess the most intensive moments of life are those where you feel more than just one emotion strongly because one gives sparkle to the other and so on.)

2. Rafal has a high sense of responsibility, higher than Rhian's. Now I don't mean to say he is a good schoolmaster. That is FAR from it. Bro mentally tormented his students and said it was their fault for making them miserable and further propaganda that villains have to live miserably and go through extreme pains to become proper villains. Rhian ain't too far away since all he did from what we saw was a parade in the School for Good and ignored all the students that so politely greeted him like he was their life idol excuse me they showed their respects. I know you were trying to hit on Midas because you always gotta hit on the guy your brother hit first(previous example: Hook) but a nod would have suffice? Instead bro just deliberately ignores them while threatening Midas... ??? At least Rafal knew what he was doing and what he had to do to keep the pact/oath to the Storian. Rhian was just oblivious and arrogant to it.

3. Rafal made a redemption arc. Sure maybe not in the true meaning of it but he tried. He got into the lines of his students and tried to see it from their perspective. He gained their trust and loyalty for who he was. He got to hear everything they thought about him, how horrible he was because he was the pain of a schoolmaster. But he also got to see his students admire him and grow fond of him. Even proving that the wicked and evil can be good in their own twisted way. After all, the heroes of a story are the villains of another. Always.

He inspired others outside of himself while he did his growth and that's beyond great from my perspective.

4. As twisted as he was you can not deny that he was rational. Whenever he made up his mind he went with it even if he had his doubts or moments of hesitation, eventually, he carried on with what he had to do because it was what he needed to do. In the process, he indeed has hurt many but he also self-sacrificed himself. Whatever pain we saw him inflict on his victims we can see that it's a direct reflection of his mirrored pain in them. We can go on about how this is accurate or not, the actual extent of it, interpretations, and symbolism, but to me it's pretty clear once you read a book that engages your mind, heart and soul. He torments himself and torments others because it is the only treatment he knows. The love he gives is suffering and torture. The kindness he shows is an eternal curse. The ever-fleeing moments of bravery are a misery to many. He is a walking omen neither good nor bad, with an internalised balance with the outside world through a mirror.

5. I just love him(as a character/platonic). He had his wrongs maybe more than his rights but in the end, he was determined and hard-working. He did whatever he could, he did what he thought was best even if it wasn't the best. He did whatever was in the power of his hands even when the one meant to have his back stabbed him right in the heart. He stood right by his role and side even if it was the wrong one from the beginning. Even if he was fooled to become the perfect incarnation of what others told him he was. Even if he was torn between who he was once or what he must have been and what he became or what he is in 'truth'. He knew he had a role and he did whatever he could to carry it out you could say it's from selfish desires because he would have died indeed so would have his brother. Bit by bit we show that despite the struggle and betrayal Rafal still tries to learn to love his brother, or better said remind himself that he does.

Bless our silly goose. Love him with all of my heart

(I did not make this, I literally walked into this room and saw this. I was re-reading the first book at that time and saw this. It made me immediately think of SGE/Rafal. I call this fate.)

[undefeatablesin]

💕Positivity prime time! Share five things you love about yourself, four things you're excited about, OR three people you care deeply about and why. Pass this along to someone whose posts make you smile💕

Some positivity is exactly what the world needs right now! Thank you for thinking of and passing this message on to me ✨️

I would like to ramble about Four Exciting Things, since having things to look forward to is always helpful as a perspective check for me in particular and hopefully some other people can find something to feel excited about too! ✨️

1) I'm excited to continue refining my art until it reaches a quality I can be unambiguously proud of. We never stop growing as creatives, but we do eventually reach a baseline of accomplishment with our craft. I don't think I am at that baseline yet by a long shot. I have a lot to learn and even though I love the process of learning too, I look forward to the day that I feel accomplished in my work.

How that accomplishment can be defined though is different for everyone. It might be a tangible metric like mastering a certain medium, finding a style, finishing a project or creating a certain piece. Even something as simple as learning to draw a subject that's always stumped them. Sometimes its something more ambiguous, just the feeling or the sense of getting to where you wanted to be. Or in my case, a handful of these things all at once!

2) I'm excited to play new games. Since joining the Soulsborne community, I've been surrounded by incredible experiences, amazing art, beautiful music, thought-provoking discussions and more that has enriched my life beyond what I could ever have imagined. I'm always hungry for more though, and I am constantly looking forward to the next new adventure our community will set out upon even while I repeatedly replay the ones we already have.

That said, I do have my finger to the pulse of a certain imminent DLC right now in particular and I can't tell you how excited I am to finally play it!

3) I'm excited to one day step into the world of video, streaming and other similar creative pursuits. I've been talking about this for ages on my blog by now and have hesitated to commit to any of it, admittedly out of pure uncertainty. The internet is already so populated with skilled and established people that it can feel a little daunting to try and step into that arena as a newcomer.

In general, in a lot of spaces, it's easy to feel like you have nothing new or substantial to offer. But it's the individual themself that brings that newness and substance. Every person has their own cadence, their own style, their own ideas, their own quirks and nuances, their own personality. By and large, those are the things that sell people on your work more than the nature of the work itself in many cases.

It's also important to temper your expectations of yourself. Success often isn't what's important; it's whether you feel fulfilled by what you do. The needle obviously shifts quite a bit towards numbers and engagement and success when your craft is in fact your job, and that is a separate, more complicated conversation. But if your craft is not your business, don't trick yourself into treating it like a business, much less one that lives or dies by the number of likes, shares, views or any other metric it receives.

This is a lesson I've been trying to internalise: the point of creating is simply to create. I'm excited to finally embrace that idea and to fall in love with experimenting for the sheer joy of it again.

4) I'm excited to discover. There's so many things to see, smell, taste, hear and touch. There's millions of new experiences I can't even conceive of that are waiting for us, big or small, thrilling or mundane. Discovering a new song, a new piece of media, a new tool to draw with, a new technique to try, a new food to taste, a new friend to meet, a new idea, a new hobby.

There is always newness even in a world that feels stagnant. I look forward to the things I don't even know I am looking forward to yet. I think there is something very comforting in knowing that, inevitably, something new will come along to enrich our lives even in the smallest of ways, and it can happen today, tomorrow, next week or next year. The unknown can be full of frightening things, but it is equally filled with exciting ones. Even when I feel my worst, I try to remind myself to be excited for the little mysteries.

[journey-to-the-attic]

Omori IK:

So i know you have mentioned about this AU a few times before but i cant seem to find the original post. So can you explain or show some hcs about this AU?

(Also how are you today?)

- 🐧 Anon

here's the original post! it is tagged and everything, but it seems it won't show up even if you go into that tag on my blog, so tumblr search being tumblr search as usual

to summarise + somewhat develop - though this will be impacted by the fact that i haven't played omori, and am basing things mostly on what the original anon said + a few fandom wiki pages:

prior to being summoned to the devildom, ik accidentally kills her father after pushing him down the stairs during an argument, and aunt lisa discovers the scene and stages it as a suicide in an effort to protect her (ik, zhao and lisa taking the roles of sunny, mari and basil respectively)

internalising the guilt, ik develops her own 'omori' - known as 'imaginary kid' (which was an honestly masterful stroke from that og anon), retreating into 'white space' within her mind to distract herself from her trauma

ik is almost exclusively in her omori state upon first appearing in the devildom, having gone into near-complete mental collapse; 'imaginary kid' is quiet, unemotive and unresponsive - essentially the product of ik trying to automate the activities necessary to stay alive while her mind completely checks out

belphie, while trapped in attic, sees into the 'white space' in ik's dreams when he himself falls asleep. eventually, he comes into contact with 'black space', where he first encounters the 'something' behind ik's shoulder, and resolves himself to destroy it - having gotten emotionally attached to the poor kid over time

over time, ik heals somewhat, and so the brothers start seeing more and more glimpses of the real her; despite receiving no explanation, they start figuring out for themselves that ik is split, somehow

then the 'imaginary kid' starts getting defensive. once ik heals, what point will there be in their existence? they don't want to disappear. they're just protecting her, and to do that ik needs to stay in 'white space', where she can be happy

metaphysical battle ensues, the 'imaginary kid' concedes, and ik steps forward and finally starts living life as herself again

[olderthannetfic]

A problem with the progressive scene including writers, is that they don't often want to think about the fact that they themselves aren't infallible, and that they are just as likely to hold unconscious biases and views as anyone else. Instead of reflecting and dealing with it, they try to push all of this away from them thinking it couldn't be them. And if you dare point it out? They'll go on the attack because you pointed out that they're not as perfect of an ally or as educated as they always thought they were. Yes this can also be internalised.

An openly bigoted person doesn't care. They are open about their hatred and bigotry. We know to stay clear of those. It's easy because they don't want to be a safe person for people.

A person who touts themselves as progressive and portray a persona of infallibility will often ignore their own unconscious biases and thinks it couldn't be them because they're so educated on it all though? They won't even really try to consider if maybe they have some biases they need to check

A friend sent me a link to a reblog thread on tumblr, and this book was the main talking point: https://www.silversprocket.net/2021/09 /13/a-self-defense-study-guide-for-trans-women-and-gender-non- conforming-nonbinary-amab-folks/ I think it explains very well what I'm actually trying to say, just more clearly in what direction the bias goes, while I tried being a bit more general. The thread pointed out specifically how the book makes mention of how especially trans allies can often have a bias against transwomen, and spoke a bit about why, and how it is unconscious bias. https://sleepwithgiggli.tumblr.com/post/725579420725854208/the- threead-continues-all-people-have-a-tendency This is what my friend sent me.

--

[kevin--of-desert-bluffs]

omg so sorry for that ask i did asking about fictionkins i just reread ur post and i completely misunderstood! plz ignore that unless like it helps you bring up something informative to the youths or something! D× so sorry!! was up late post work NVing and 🌟completely🌟 misunderstood

Hello,🌟anon! I'm glad you were able to self-correct a little here, but as you said I think it will be good to talk about what you said. Not just for others but perhaps for yourself. I am always open to talking about this stuff, including in private, without judgement because I know to those outside of the alterhuman community the whole system of personal belief surrounding especially fictionfolk is extremely bizarre. Not only this but people are generally woefully uneducated about delusion in general.

Generally someone who is fictionkin is always keenly aware that one is not currently in ones fictional universe and that one is not able to be perceived except by oneself internally as that fictional character.

First of all - what is a fictionkin/who are fictionkind? How does it work?

To be fictionkin you must identify as, in any way, a fictional character partially or wholly for involuntary reasons (i.e. you didn't choose to start identifying that way it just felt 'right').

Generally, the fictomere (whichever character(s) you are) although it may influence some aspects of your personality to become more present than they usually are, does not take over the current personality the way an alter does, nor does it cause one to completely lose touch with what the current reality is the way a delusion might.

We really need to undo the idea that all delusions are things which need to be 'cured' or 'undone' or 'ignored'. Nobody who is delusional is going to benefit from unwanted and tackless 'reality checking'. Thinking this way often has less to do with actually wanting to help the delusional person and more to do with personal internalised repulsion towards the mentally ill.

I get that, it's really not a belief that everyone can just accept. But I assure you that you are not harming us in any way to validate us as actually our fictomere. You should attempt to try and understand whether the weird is just as wonderful as what you consider ordinary. Some people identify as fictional characters and it's fine!

Second - "But it's impossible to be a fictional character, so how it it different from delusion? Aren't I pushing the delusion and causing you more distress?"

In general, people have no idea what delusion means which often results in assuming that all delusions are harmful and need to be challenged and gotten rid of - this is ignorance and based in ableism.

I get your concern though - you don't want to accidentally make a harmful delusion worse.

It's important to realise that a delusional person is experiencing a personal reality that you cannot see and they cannot see past it at all, they are often completely consumed by the new reality of the delusion. To them everything they are and experience and think during that time is 100% fact. Challenging them on the delusion simply by telling them 'you are not this character' could provoke them into feeling threatened and cause more harm. Instead, the best course of action is to see if they are actually experiencing any distress and try to tackle that distress instead.

Example - A has a delusional disorder and identifies as an IRL. Their delusion makes them believe they are Character. This generally makes them very happy and they are aware it is not based on observable reality. However, when they are not managing their disorder as well or are stressed, they start to experience a full on delusion. Their belief they are Character becomes total and they also experience the feeling of being stalked, spied upon and controlled by Villain Of The Story.

As a friend of A, I can help by assuring them I will help them stay safe, and sympathising with their feelings of distress. I do not need to confirm 'yes Villain is out to get you' to take actions that make them feel safe from Villain.

As a friend of A, it is not going to be good for me to tell them that this is all actually very much happening and yes they should be afraid. That is 'feeding/pushing the delusion' and would cause them to spiral further.

As a friend of A, it is also not good for me to tell them that they aren't actually Character so they're okay. Their reality is fact to them. They are going to view me as a harmful and unsafe and spiral further.

That is how to help a delusional person who is experiencing full psychosis. If they aren't? Leave it be. It's not harmful to just go 'oh cool so you're Character that's neat' because you saying they aren't won't change it anyway but will put you on the 'unsafe' list preventing your ability to actually help if the need arises and you're actually in the position to do so. It's not a strangers responsibility to jump into every delusional persons inbox and start trying to talk them out of their delusion.

In conclusion - having an identity belief that is unusual and not based on observable reality is not necessarily delusion even if it seems strange and illogical. Fictionkind are harmless to themselves and others we just believe something a little strange to most, telling us to 'get therapy' is ableist regardless. We are who we say we are whether or not you believe it so don't be rude, okay? You're not causing us any harm by passively agreeing and not challenging us at every turn.

If someone is delusional 'reality checking' them is not a good way to go if they're actually distressed, if they're not distressed just be neutral and leave it be. It's not bad of you to just pass on by and let them have their delusion-based but not currently/necessarily harmful identity.

Also I hate to say this but therapy isn't...the amazing cure everything benefit everyone super accessible thing it's made out to be by people who 'want others to get help'. Some therapists are actually painfully terrible at their job to the point of causing harm and the better ones may be completely out of most people's price range. 'Getting help' can often be just having a support network of people who know how to help you feel/stay safe. I do want anyone in distress to be able to have that but I cannot stress enough that someone having an identity that is rooted entirely in personal reality is not harmful just because it's illogical to you. Especially if it's not a delusion and even often when it is.