#and I just started a new semester at school this week
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#cw cancer#just in case#but I'm currently in the middle of a bit of a cancer scare#and playing the waiting game for scans and stuff#my dr doesn't seem too concerned which is helpful but anxiety likes to do it's thing#and I just started a new semester at school this week#which is fine and good but I have to do my public speaking class which requires in person audiences for my speeches#but I just moved to a new city and don't know anyone so that's stressful lmao#hopefully my local library staff will like#let me speech at them#I'm still lurking and vibing on my dash#I just don't have enough spoons to interact too much right now
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I miss nier. I have to watch the automata anime
#nier#nier automata#A2#2B#9S#great perfect! what collab was this? or something a cafe event? i dont remember thats how long its been#or was it a clothes collab hold on now i have to find out#IT WAS DON QUIXOTE. you went and got acyrllics shirts cards etc idunno i didnt go these were the designs#it happened in july. that's how long I've had this sketched out? or at last thats how long ive had A2 sketched out#the 2b and 9s were sketched last year in like August. they were wearing the shirts they made in the anime#my motivation died before i could finish especially because i already drew the shirts and class started again i did not want to line#it was the week of dad nier's birthday. this is what was replaced cause i drew dad instead and that took a slot in my art making machine#so when the don quixote collab came out i was like great i already have a base and added A2 in cause i felt bad i never draw her#A2 is my favorite but like. I do not be acting that way#in fact i drew the shirts 3 times cause they had like 3 designs each. but i was just gonna draw the aji o kutta shirt again#cause its my favorite#my life update is ive had two different ppl be like 'you're cool lets be friends i wanna know more about you' and i keep thinking about it#cause that's not...ive got alarm sirens in my head. i make my friends by we keep bumping into each other in class and eventually get lunch#or in the case of my one classmate we came from the same school and had the same classes together for like 3 semesters he was like#are you stalking me like BRO?? i miss him#that or my last friend fed me attention like you might feed a wild deer popcorn in the woods and thats how we got close#so pardon me if im unfamiliar with 'i wanna get to know you' cause that's not. that's not...you want something from me.#i dont have time to make new friends right now though i am drowning in assignments#my current friends already have a hard time getting me to go anywhere. i was supposed to go see Look Back w them but i was so tired#'fed me attention' a better example is getting hearts with someone in harvest moon or stardew valley. im like that
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Did driving practice today. Actually did parallel parking practice this time, even tho I really didn't want to still. Finally got it into my head that I can maybe do this.
SO......
I have scheduled my driving test. For November 13th, 3 weeks from today.
#speculation nation#IM SO NERVOUSSSSS but i need to do it. i need to. worst case scenario i fail and have to try again another day.#i was actually gonna try to schedule for a week from today but they were full up for the next 2 weeks.#so. 3 weeks! my therapist is gonna be happy for me when i tell her haha#this is. something ive been avoiding for over 10 years now. but i decided at the start of this year that This would be my year.#Year Of Unfuck My Life. and im finally doing it. im going to finally get my license.#it's so. huge actually. a similar level of Holy Shit factor as me graduating.#which seems like an uneven comparison but honestly ive just been so so so scared of this driving test#an insurmountable obstacle bc i was stuck at school away from family to help me practice etc etc#very tied up with me being stuck at school for so long actually. the neverending purgatory of being Stuck In Place.#but my cousin lives closer to me now and hes been helping me out. and i am so very grateful.#augh augh augh augh. life is so busy and it feels like everything is happening at once AAAAAAAAAAAA#but im taking it all in stride. i am. oh god i might have to just practice and then take my audition video all on the same day.#bc i am too tired to deal with it rn and i have an exam tomorrow so idk if i can practice then. also i have to clean.#i will make it work. i will make something work. for the love of fucking god i will make it work.#no time to write barely any time to relax but thats okay i am Go Go Going and trying to keep enough time to sleep#(prior few nights being the..exception lol.)#i certainly wouldnt want to live this way for too long. but just a few more months. i can do it.#next semester hopefully wont be as busy. i'll have 3 hard classes but if im lucky they wont even have much homework.#i can do it. i can get through it. i will get my license in 3 weeks (manifesting) and i will get my own car.#i will find a new apartment to live in. i will Hopefully find a job.#within a year my life is going to be much much different.#my life is Already much much different than it was just a year ago. tho this year has been more... metamorphosis.#in a year's time. i will be 28 years old. and the pieces will Finally be falling into place (hopefully!!!!!)#for now. god i need to rest. will probably go to sleep early tonight. need to be rested for my exam tomorrow.#first tho i gotta shower and feed both me and the cats. yes.
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So busy with Sparkstember that I almost forgot that I go back to school on tuesday
#honestly maybe it's better this way. i'd rather just not care at all rather than be super stressed about it#just like i've been doing with every little thing for most of my life#might have missed the date when we were supposed to choose our elective courses. well whatever Lol#and i still don't even know what my schedule is or what classes i have this semester oopsie#well the university itself doesn't seem particularly pressed about giving us the schedule either#but i'd probably better still read up on the classes at least before they start#i don't have high hopes for this year just like with the last. probably should just stop pretending that i still want to study anything atp#this wasn't even my first choice of a course bcs i had to prepare for that damn exam to be accepted for my preffered one#but i couldn't be bothered to study for it again which probably should have told me enough abt whether going into this again is a good idea#i'm so tired just thinking about it but i know that actually looking for a job and then having a job will be a thousand times worse so uh#but at least i'd have my own money and start doing something ughhhh. useful maybe. who knows what it will be though#i have no ideaaaaaa. but this feels like just putting off the inevitable. like at some point i need to get my shit together#i will probably report at the end of the next week about how i'm so done already#i don't really knowwww mannnnnm. i don't feel like i had any vacation at all even though 3 months have already passed#and i also sort of didn't prepare something relatively easy to do that would have given me an actual document#that would confirm that i actually finished that part-time school thing last semester#can't really be bothered to come back to it at this point though#well at least i learned something actually useful and interesting from that and that's enough for me tbh#and a lot of it is also relevant to my current area of interest (digital drawing and computer graphics in general)#well speaking of which i'd better just get back to drawing now lol. just one more left to finish!!!#in short i guess that my new way of dealing with stress is just ignoring it all#well it's worked in some way at least so it can't be an entirely bad thing lol#goosepost
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:)
#feeling good about this year guys#i was jotting down any future schedule conflicts i’d have this year for work#went to put down my family’s birthdays and realized most of them happen after i leave for school#which obviously i was aware was coming up but it hit! still 8 months to go but i’m so excited#went apartment shopping with the future roomie today!#and i am SO FCKING EXCITED ABOUT THAT PLACE#the location on campus is PERFECT and i’m in a stem community that offers me so many resources i am so excited and lucky#and i just miss my campus so much i can’t wait to get back#i’m applying for labs and scholarships and internships#and it’s hard to keep myself focused on present times i keep forgetting i have a whole semester and a half to go but whatever#classes start next week i’m excited!#i only have 4 this semester. 2 of them are 5 credits but whateve#i made a friend that’s gonna sit with me in one of my classes and i think that’ll be nice#someone to hold me responsible#might add a chemistry major? we’ll see how this sem goes!#feelin happy! well rested eating well drinking water and reading more!#happy new year <3
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have officially hit the point where i kinda wish people i would like to call friends drifting away for the millionth time in a row actually WAS personal so that then i wouldnt feel so fucking stupid for getting so upset about it every time
#dont read this its just for me#shoutout to every single one of my goddamn roommates not telling me they weren't planning on living on campus next semester til just now ✌#housing applications start next week . thanks guys#it'll be the same drill as every other friend i have had forever i can already tell#we wont have school keeping us seeing each other every day but say we'll hang out when we have time and then never speak again 👍#maybe thats too pessimistic but its always the fucking same. as in there is not one person i have called a friend that hasnt done that 😁#it already happened over winter break anyway#but of course this time its right when im finally opening up about the shit i genuinely enjoy for the first time in my life#actually beyond the most surface level “yeah i write fanfiction and draw undertale fanart” bs and keep everything else to myself#because for the first time ever it feels like someone actually halfway gives a fuck#and im just supposed to be normal about this information now. alright!#i'll just go back to writing my essay about how isolating my home growing up was. thats fine#i can get new roommates i can make new friends but im so sick of restarting. i dont want to fucking do this anymore
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#sometimes u just gotta have a cringe fail weekend. is what i tell myself bc i let the fact that i forgot to check my new#email completely obliterate me. also i haven't been sleeping enough. also just the normal thoughts in my head#by which i mean the part of my brain that demands consequences for inattention by means of suffering. devine punishment.#which is irrational and annoying but knowing that doesnt seem to help. so ive just been laying here in the hopes i come unspooled and start#to disintegrate. which is annoying bc ive got stuff to do#specifically bc i am supposed to b a TA this semester. which is what i figured but also feared#so. thats gonna b a lot. tho not as much as my old school bc they dont make TAs do literally everything here apparently#but. itll b a lot. and also i have to finish signing up for classes. bc i didnt do that back in April by my brain was melting. also i have#to keep doing my job and dealing with my data. ugh. well. being a TA isnt so bad. i do like to help ppl learn even if im not very good at it#like. i struggle with thr talking to ppl part. like the transition of ny thoughts to something thst makes sense#oh well. hope i end up teaching something im not too unqualified for. i could do soils. Ecology. uhhh. maybe intro bio but i never even took#university level biology. i just skipped upper level courses. that's probably it. anything else would b a lotta faking it#ugh. im tired. i should go to sleep at 9pm. thr sun hasbt even set and i should sleep#tomorrow i have to get my shit together. but also i wanna email my new professor like hey bro like what do u want me to do???#like how do i start in this lab? when do we start talking. like just not to b pushy but whats thr procedure?#i like Structure but also its like weeks until the semester starts so we got time. im just a lil nuts#jesus. its gonna b an interesting semester. hopefully fun but uh it is sorta like taking a boat out when u can see big ominous clouds#like im sure ill b fine but also i might get dumped over into a watery grave. i just. i have a lot of papers to write#and its gonna b hard to b a student on top of that. partly bc what im gonna b doing now is almost completely unrelated#which is probably y ppl stick to the same track they stsrt on. that awkward moment when ppl ask u if ur gonna keep working with bi0crust#and ur like uhhhh no fuck that actually the work ive done in the past 4 years makes me hate myself✌️#so we r back at square 1. well not 1 bc its sorta related but its a pretty big reset#itll b fine once things start. its just thr anticipation that kills me#unrelated
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give it up for the end of week 3 of the semester! week 3 and the world's most annoying professor s t i l l hasn't updated or added anything to the canvas page since the second day of week 1.
#every day i go in there and look at the black text at the bottom of the page that says ''next week - week 2''#where he said he'd add a link to the new page once he was done working on it#and now here we are#week 3 and he was complaining that canvas is such a broken site and he can't ''change the schedule'' now that the site's gone live#sir i think you're just an idiot. perhaps. and maybe just MAYBE#you should have prepared for this class before the literal first day of the semester. thought ahead a bit.#wouldn't need to change the class schedule on the syllabus after the semester started if you'd. y'know. done it before that#also wtf are you talking about. just type up a fucking word document with a list of the reading assignments and post that#i deserve financial compensation for putting up with this teacher#syra's school adventures#i miss when i got to use that tag for the wild hilarious shit my teachers would say in class instead of this nonsense
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Oooogh everything hurtssss
#chipped ice in the -20 and put away over 150 3gals (each one weighs 15+ lbs)#my arms hurt so bad from all the muscles and my knees hurt from slipping and going up and down the ladder all day#I’m covered in mystery bruises and my arms ache and my knees ache and I’m sleepy#and I’m pining for Boytoy which is stupid because I am dating him already#but like. I want a domestic life with him so fucking bad#I want to adopt a cat together I want to move in with him I want to make him so fucking happy#all I think about is him and I just want to be with him 24/7#and I fucking hate people i always thought i would need alone time even in a relationship#but I don’t! not with my Boytoy#i have 1 million birthday present ideas for him because I’m fucking obsessed with him#I know his interests I know what he wants but won’t get for himself#ugh. this was supposed to be a post about work but I can’t not think about Boytoy. he’s my everything#anyway work is going Poorly (fruit feeder broke. I need it working by Wednesday or everything is fucked)#school starts on Monday and we have 6 new employees this semester#I’m worried about controlling food safety with a bunch of people who don’t know what GMPs are#but whatever it’s fine. plant manager isn’t worried so I shouldn’t be either I guess#okay. I’m sleepy. I get to see Boytoy tomorrow and he’ll make me feel better#(also. had an insane preg scare this week but it’s fine im good) (thank u boytoy)#work post#diary post
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every time i hear enchanted i am transported back to april 2023 when i had my first big infatuation and i feel sick to my stomach
#that was such a let down and im still not completely over him 13 months later#i met him the day before my second semester of college started when i had a layover in new york#we sat together on a plane heading to virginia (where i go to school)#we didn’t really talk on the plane he just asked me at some point if i had a charger i could borrow and i said yes and when we landed#he gave it back and said thank you so sincerely and gave me the most beautiful smile i have ever seen in my life#i blushed a little 😭#anyways we got off the plane and i thought i would never see him again#two weeks later i need help with calc 2 so i sign up to get an upperclassmen tutor to help and i GET HIM#by march i was in love with him and i thought that maybe he liked me#he did so many things that were just so odd#anyways i found out the bastard had a girlfriend once the semester ended#so now all the songs i was listening in spring 2023 make me feel so sad 😭#s**** guilty as sin is for you you disgusting bastard#me stuff#i was so convinced he was my soulmate and the love of my life and we were meant to be and it was destiny that we met
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#i just realized i only get 5 more days with my students 😭😭#i only have my internship 1 day a week and i'm there four more weeks#and i'm subbing for my mentor teacher one day this week#it's almost over 😭😭😭#i'm going to miss them!#i'll see them around campus next semester since i should be doing my intern 2 in the same classroom#but i'll have a whole new group of kids then#i'm kinda jealous of the people who start their internship at the beginning of the school year instead of in the spring#bc they get to be there the entire school year#but i'm also glad how it worked out for me bc intern 2 starts sooner than intern 1 which means i'll get to be there on the 1st day of schoo#and see how my mentor teacher does the beginning of the year stuff#and i'll get to help out with it!#intern 2 is 5 days a week so it'll pretty much be a coteaching position#i'm really excited to be there every day#i'm going to miss my current first graders though 🥺#i'm so glad that i'm enjoying my student teaching this much#i really lucked out with my placement
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Literally dreading going to work tomorrow
#at least i dont have my co taught class tomorrow#bc it turns out my co teacher is a huge bitch trying to start drama#shes literally in her 50s and im fucking 24#and shes bad mouthing me to the principal#i found out bc i had a pre-observation meeting with my principal (all new teachers to the school are getting a principal observation)#and my principal started out with “hey i saw that email CoTeacher sent you a few weeks ago and it was appallinh#extremely unprofessional and cruel#and while i knew my coteacher had CCd my mentor teacher and the instructional coach#she must have BCCd the principal because i never saw her name anywhere in the email chain#i thought it wasnt a big deal and i was overreacting to the inital email (i cried for like three hours)#bc neither my mentor teacher nor the instructional coach ever added to the email chain or mentioned it to me#but now im thinking they just missed it because it was at the semester change#bc it was a terrible email#she basically told me (in professional language) that im a fucking failure and shouldnt be a teacher and am a liability for the school#(she literally did use the word liability)#and was overall treating me like a stupid kid#but then next time i saw her irl (after a five day weekend) she was all smiles and talked as though nothing had happened#so i figured i must have misunderstood or something and decided it was water under the bridge#but learning that she fucking BCCd the principal and the principal found it extremely rude and unprofessional#im second guessing EVERY interaction ive ever had with my coteacher#i thought we had a half decent working relationship#but now i absolutely do not trust her one bit#gonna ask my mentor teacher if we can talk after school
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*through gritted teeth* this will be worth it this will be worth it this will be worth it
#growing weary of the grind lads#i was not cut out for the zero free time lifestyle#but it’s just until the end of the semester#in January im cutting back my hours at work#and i only have 5 classes next semester#tentatively hopeful to be able to have one day of no school no work no commitments in my week then#that’s supposed to be saturday this semester but i have so little time during the week i have to do my little chores plus so much#schoolwork which like. I shouldn’t complain about because I’m fortunate to have the physical health and the resolve to go at this pace and#to perform well in school while being able to pay my way without debt#but nobody should have to go at this pace to make everything work u know#me and one of the dnd homies are in the same boat schedule wise and im really grateful to have their perspective on it being necessary to#have at least one thing you do just for yourself scheduled in to make sure you don’t completely neglect yourself#also that madman is planning another fucking campaign that neither of us have time for but you know what I did on my break at work yesterda#i started creating my new character
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WET DREAMS / L.H
Pairing ◊ sub!fem!reader x roommate!dom!heeseung
Genre ◊ SMUT, roommates to ???
Warnings ◊ SMUT (minors dni), cursing, neck kisses, nipple play, petnames, praising, dirty talk, fingering, kind of needy!hee, oral (f. receiving), bigdick!hee, unprotected sex (wrap it up ppl), rough
Word count ◊ 7,4k
Summary ◊ when heeseung moved in with you, Jake's friend, he knew it was a bad idea the moment he saw you for the first time because you were exactly his type. But it became even worse when he started making wet dreams about you.
a/n: not proofread, enjoy!
You were just another broke college student trying to survive the semester when your old roommate decided to move out, leaving you with a hefty rent and an empty room. Desperate for a new roommate, you posted an ad on your school's website. Enter Heeseung, a friend of Jake's – and since Jake was a solid guy, you figured Heeseung would be too. From the moment he moved in, it was clear this was going to be interesting. Heeseung was charming and easy to get along with, but there was one tiny problem: you were exactly his type. Beautiful, sexy, teasing, playful, but also cute and funny. After just a week, the tension between you two was undeniable. It would be a lie to say you didn't feel the same. The sparks were real, and living together was about to get a whole lot more complicated.
But everything became weird after that night: the night he had his first sex dream about you.
Heeseung lounged on the couch, a textbook open in his lap, though his mind was miles away. The apartment was quiet except for the occasional creak and hum from the old pipes. Heeseung was drifting off, and before he knew it, he was deep in a dream.
In his dream, the living room was dimly lit, bathed in the soft glow of a few strategically placed lamps. He heard the soft patter of your bare feet on the hardwood floor before he saw you. You were wearing nothing but his oversized shirt, the hem barely brushing the tops of your thighs. Your hair was tousled, and there was a mischievous sparkle in your eyes.
"Hey," you purred, leaning against the armrest of the couch. "Whatcha doing?"
Heeseung's breath hitched as he looked up at you, his mouth suddenly dry. "Just… studying," he managed to say, though his voice was thick with desire.
You sauntered closer, a playful smirk on your lips. "Mind if I join you?" Without waiting for a reply, you slid onto the couch, your leg brushing against his. Heeseung's pulse quickened as you leaned in, your lips so close to his ear that he could feel your warm breath.
"You know," you whispered, "I've noticed the way you look at me."
Heeseung swallowed hard, trying to keep his composure. "I don't know what you're talking about."
You chuckled softly, your hand resting on his thigh, dangerously close to the edge of his shorts. "Oh, I think you do." Your fingers danced lightly over the fabric, teasing him. "I see the way your eyes linger."
His resolve crumbled, and he turned to face you, his hand cupping your cheek. "You're driving me crazy," he confessed, his voice a low growl.
"Good," you replied, your eyes dark with want. "Because I've been wanting you too."
He crashed his lips against yours, a hungry, desperate kiss that spoke of all the pent-up desire between you. You moaned into his mouth, your body pressing against his, and he could feel the heat radiating from you.
Heeseung's hands roamed over your body, slipping under the shirt to feel the smooth skin beneath. You arched into his touch, your fingers tangling in his hair as you deepened the kiss. The air was thick with the scent of arousal, and Heeseung was lost in the sensation of you.
"Tell me what you want," he murmured against your lips, his hand sliding up to cup your breast.
You whimpered, your back arching as you pushed into his hand. "I want you, Hee. I want you to take me right here."
Heeseung growled in response, his hand slipping between your thighs to find you wet and ready. He stroked you lightly, eliciting a gasp from your lips. "Fuck, you're so wet for me," he muttered, his voice rough with need.
"Only for you," you whispered, your hips bucking against his hand.
With a low groan, Heeseung positioned himself over you, his hands gripping your hips as he aligned himself with you. He entered you slowly, savoring the way you stretched around him, your moans music to his ears. "God, you feel so good," he breathed, his forehead resting against yours.
You wrapped your legs around his waist, pulling him deeper. "Faster, Heeseung," you begged. "I need you."
Heeseung complied, his thrusts becoming more urgent, more demanding. The couch creaked beneath you, but he didn't care. All that mattered was how delicious and incredible you felt around him. Your nails scratched down his back, leaving marks that would linger long after.
"You're fucking mine," Heeseung growled, his pace relentless. "Say it."
"I'm yours," you cried out, your body trembling as you neared the edge. "Only yours."
With a final, powerful thrust, Heeseung sent you spiraling into bliss, your orgasm crashing over you like a tidal wave. He followed soon after, his release mingling with yours as he buried his face in the crook of your neck, breathing hard.
Heeseung jolted awake, his chest heaving as he struggled to catch his breath. His body was slick with sweat, the sheets tangled around his legs. He groaned softly, feeling the unmistakable wetness in his shorts. He just came in his dream. His mind raced, the vivid images of you still fresh, your breathy moans echoing in his ears. He covered his face with his hands, feeling a wave of guilt wash over him. "God, what's wrong with me?" he muttered to himself. "She's my roommate." Heeseung sat up, the room dimly lit by the early morning light filtering through the blinds. He ran a hand through his damp hair, trying to shake off the lingering arousal. But as he glanced at the closed door of your bedroom, he knew resisting his feelings for you was going to be harder than ever.
The next morning, Heeseung reluctantly dragged himself out of bed, the remnants of his dream still clinging to the edges of his mind. He took a deep breath, trying to push it all aside, and headed toward the kitchen, hoping a cup of coffee might clear his head.
As he turned the corner, the scent of something delicious hit him, and he saw you standing by the stove, humming softly as you flipped pancakes. You were wearing an oversized shirt that fell just below your thighs, the fabric worn and soft, clearly not yours. His heart skipped a beat as he realized it was probably Jake's shirt. The thought made him gulp, his throat suddenly dry as the dream came rushing back in vivid detail.
You turned when you heard him enter, your face lighting up with a smile that made his heart do a somersault. “Good morning, Hee,” you chirped, your voice sweet and playful as always. “I’m making breakfast! I hope you’re hungry.”
Heeseung swallowed hard, trying to keep his cool as he forced a smile. “Yeah… morning,” he mumbled, his voice embarrassingly shaky. He couldn’t meet your eyes, afraid that you’d somehow see right through him and know exactly what had been running through his mind all night.
You tilted your head slightly, noticing his unusual shyness. “Are you okay? You seem… off,” you asked, concern lacing your tone as you walked over to him, placing a gentle hand on his arm.
Heeseung stiffened under your touch, his pulse quickening as the warmth of your fingers seeped through the thin fabric of his t-shirt. “I’m fine, just… didn’t sleep well,” he lied, hoping you wouldn’t press further.
You gave him a soft smile, squeezing his arm lightly before letting go. “Well, breakfast will help, I promise,” you said, gesturing to the pancakes with a grin. “And coffee’s ready too.”
Heeseung finally managed to meet your eyes, the sincerity and care in your gaze making his guilt twist even tighter in his chest. “Y-you didn’t have to, really,” he stammered, moving to pour himself a cup of coffee, hoping the familiar routine would steady his nerves.
“I wanted to,” you replied simply, your voice warm and kind. “You’ve been working so hard lately, I figured you could use a little pampering, seungie,” you added, using the nickname you’d given him that always seemed to melt his defenses a little.
Heeseung took a sip of the coffee, trying to hide his flushed cheeks behind the mug. “You’re too good to me,” he mumbled, the words half muffled by the rim of the cup.
You laughed softly, the sound light and cheerful, easing some of the tension in the room. “You deserve it,” you teased, reaching up to ruffle his hair playfully. “Besides, it’s fun spoiling you a little.”
Heeseung’s heart raced at the casual affection in your touch, and he couldn’t help but wonder if you had any idea what you were doing to him. “Th-thanks,” he managed to say, his voice barely above a whisper as he sat down at the small kitchen table.
You joined him a moment later, sliding a plate of perfectly golden pancakes in front of him. “Eat up, Hee,” you said, sitting across from him with your own plate. “And don’t think too much today, okay? Just relax.”
Heeseung nodded, but as he cut into the pancakes, his mind was anything but relaxed. The sight of you in that oversized shirt, the smell of the warm breakfast you’d made just for him, and the way you called him “Hee” so sweetly—all of it was making it impossible to forget the dream.
He desperately needed a distraction. Anything to keep his mind from wandering back to the dream that was now seared into his memory. As you dug into your pancakes, he forced himself to speak, his voice a bit too loud as he asked, “So, um, how are your classes going?”
You looked up at him with a smile, happy to share. “Pretty good, actually! I’ve got this new project for my psychology class that I’m really excited about. We’re studying—”
But Heeseung barely heard a word. His eyes kept drifting to the way your shirt clung to your body, the soft curve of your waist, the smooth skin of your legs peeking out from under the hem. Every time you shifted in your seat, his thoughts betrayed him, flashing back to the way you felt in his dream, warm and soft beneath him. He could almost feel the ghost of your touch, the way you whispered his name in that breathy, needy tone.
“—and so I think I might need to interview a few people on campus,” you continued, oblivious to the turmoil inside him. “It’s going to be a lot of work, but I’m really looking forward to—Hee? Are you even listening?”
He blinked, realizing too late that he’d been caught staring. His cheeks flushed, and he quickly tore his gaze away, focusing on his plate like it was the most interesting thing in the world. “Y-yeah, sorry, just… zoned out for a second,” he stammered, trying to play it off, but his voice betrayed him.
You smirked, sensing something was off but not quite sure what. “Uh-huh, sure you did,” you teased, leaning in a bit closer. “What’s up with you this morning? You’re acting kinda weird.”
“N-nothing’s up!” Heeseung blurted out a little too quickly, his pulse spiking as he forced a shaky laugh. “Just tired, that’s all.”
You raised an eyebrow, not entirely convinced, but you decided to let it slide. “Okay, if you say so, Seungie,” you said, still smiling but with a hint of curiosity in your eyes. “But you know, if there’s something on your mind, you can talk to me.”
Heeseung nodded quickly, trying to avoid your gaze as he took another bite of pancakes, barely tasting them. “Thanks, I appreciate it,” he muttered, though his thoughts were spiraling again. He could feel your eyes on him, and when he glanced up, the sight of you, all sweet and concerned, sent a jolt of heat through him.
His eyes betrayed him, lingering on your lips, imagining how they had felt against his in the dream. He was falling back into that dangerous territory again, and his body reacted almost instantly. He felt the blood rushing south, his breath hitching as he realized he was getting hard just from looking at you.
Panic set in, and he knew he had to get out of there before you noticed. “I-I gotta go to class,” he stuttered suddenly, pushing his chair back with a scrape. “Don’t want to be late!”
You blinked in surprise at his abruptness. “But, Hee, it’s only 8:30. Your first class isn’t until—”
“I need to, uh, review some notes!” he interrupted, stumbling over his words as he stood up, avoiding eye contact. “I’ll see you later, okay?”
Before you could say anything else, he turned on his heel and practically fled the kitchen, his face burning with embarrassment. You watched him retreat to his room, a little confused by his behavior but deciding not to pry. “Okay, then…” you muttered to yourself, shrugging it off as one of those weird morning moods.
As Heeseung shut the door to his room behind him, he leaned against it, exhaling sharply. His heart was pounding, and he cursed under his breath. “What the hell is wrong with me?” he whispered, running a hand through his hair in frustration. But deep down, he knew the answer. It wasn’t just the dream—it was everything about you. And the more he tried to push those thoughts away, the stronger they seemed to become.
The entire morning, he couldn’t keep his thoughts from drifting back to you. No matter how hard he tried to focus on his classes, his mind kept replaying scenes from his dream, the way your body had felt beneath his, the sound of your voice whispering his name in that sexy, sultry voice. He just couldn't you out of his head and that was driving him crazy.
By lunchtime, he was a mess of pent-up frustration and confusion. He had barely touched his breakfast, and the thought of seeing you again made his stomach twist with a mix of guilt and desire. So when Jake texted him, suggesting they grab lunch together, Heeseung jumped at the chance to get out of the apartment, hoping that his friend could help take his mind off things.
They met up at a small café near campus, Jake already waiting at a table with his usual easygoing smile. “Yo, Hee! Over here!” Jake called out, waving him over.
Heeseung managed a weak smile as he sat down, trying to seem normal. But Jake was too observant, and the moment Heeseung dropped into the chair with a heavy sigh, Jake’s smile faltered slightly. “You okay, man? You look like shit.”
“I’m fine,” Heeseung lied, picking up the menu and pretending to scan it. But his hands were a little shaky, and Jake wasn’t buying it.
Jake leaned forward, narrowing his eyes suspiciously. “Uh-huh, sure you are. What’s going on?”
Heeseung sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s nothing, really,” he insisted, but his voice lacked conviction.
Jake grinned, sensing that his friend was hiding something. “Come on, man. You can’t fool me. I’ve known you too long.” He leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms with a knowing smirk. “Let me guess… you had one of those dreams, didn’t you?”
Heeseung froze, his eyes widening as he looked up at Jake, who burst into laughter at his reaction. “I knew it! Dude, you’ve got ‘I had a sex dream’ written all over your face!”
Heeseung groaned, dropping his head into his hands. “Seriously, Jake? Can you not?”
The younger chuckled, leaning in closer. “Oh, come on! You can tell me! Who was it with? Someone from class? Maybe that cute barista at the coffee shop near your place?”
His face burned with embarrassment. He shook his head, hoping Jake would just drop it, but his friend was relentless.
“No way, man. You’ve gotta tell me now,” Jake teased, his eyes sparkling with mischief. “You’re not getting out of this one. I won’t judge, promise. Unless it was, like, a teacher or something, then maybe I’ll judge a little.”
Heeseung squirmed in his seat, trying to come up with an excuse, but Jake was too good at this. Finally, he gave up, knowing that Jake wouldn’t stop until he got an answer. “Fine, okay! It was… it was with her,” he muttered, his voice barely audible as he glanced around to make sure no one was listening.
Jake blinked in surprise, his grin faltering as he processed what Heeseung had said. “Wait… with who?”
Heeseung exhaled deeply, his heart racing. “With her… you know, my roommate.”
For a moment, Jake just stared at him, and then a slow, incredulous grin spread across his face. “No way. You had a sex dream about yn?”
Heeseung buried his face in his hands, his embarrassment reaching new heights. “Yeah, okay? I did. And now I can’t even look at her without… i don't know, thinking about it.”
Jake laughed, shaking his head in disbelief. “Damn, dude. That’s intense. No wonder you’re all messed up this morning.”
Heeseung groaned again, feeling like he wanted to disappear under the table. “I can’t stop thinking about it, Jake. Every time I see her, I just… I remember how it felt, and it’s driving me crazy. I’m either embarrassed as hell or… or horny or something, and I don’t know what to do.”
Jake took a sip of his drink, clearly enjoying Heeseung’s misery a little too much. “Well, you know what they say,” Jake said, leaning back with a casual shrug. “You’ve got to fuck her to get it out of your system.”
Heeseung choked on his water, sputtering as he set the glass down with a clatter. “W-what? Jake, are you serious?”
Jake grinned, shrugging again. “Hey, I’m just saying. Sometimes the best way to stop obsessing over something is to just… do it. Maybe it’s your brain’s way of telling you that you need to, you know, make a move.”
Heeseung’s face was practically glowing red at this point, and he could barely meet Jake’s eyes. “I can’t just… I mean, we’re roommates! And it’s not like she feels the same way.”
Jake raised an eyebrow, giving Heeseung a knowing look. “You sure about that? I’ve seen the way she looks at you, man. She’s always so playful with you, always teasing. Maybe she’s just waiting for you to make the first move.”
Heeseung shook his head, his mind spinning. “I don’t know, man. It’s just… it’s complicated. And I don’t want to mess things up between us.”
Jake nodded, his expression softening a bit. “I get it. But you can’t keep torturing yourself like this. If you really can’t handle it, maybe you need to talk to her. Or, you know, find a way to cool off before you drive yourself completely insane.”
Heeseung sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah… maybe you’re right,” he admitted, though the thought of actually doing anything about it made him nervous as hell.
Jake chuckled, giving him a pat on the back. “Whatever you do, just remember I’m here to help, even if it’s just to give you shit about it later.”
Heeseung managed a small smile, grateful for Jake’s support despite the teasing. But as they finished their lunch, he couldn’t shake the lingering tension inside him, knowing that sooner or later, he’d have to face the feelings he was trying so hard to ignore.
The day wore on and he just couldn’t get Jake’s advice out of his head. The idea of just taking the plunge, of letting himself have what he so desperately wanted, seemed almost logical in his mind, twisted as it was with frustration and desire. Maybe, just maybe, if he gave in and finally fuck you, he could finally get you out of his system and things would go back to normal. But every time he even thought about it, an overwhelming sense of dread and guilt would wash over him.
The next few days were torture. Every time Heeseung saw you, you were just so effortlessly hot and beautiful, it made his resolve crumble. Like when you walked around the apartment in those tiny shorts and a tank top that hugged your curves perfectly, or when you’d smile at him, that playful, teasing glint in your eyes that drove him crazy. He couldn’t bring himself to make a move, not when the thought of losing your friendship or making things awkward between you weighed heavily on him.
So, instead of facing his feelings, Heeseung did what he thought was the next best thing—he avoided you like the plague.
Whenever he heard you coming down the hallway, he’d quickly retreat to his room, shutting the door quietly behind him. If you were in the kitchen, he’d grab a snack later, waiting until you left. If you sat on the couch to watch TV, he’d suddenly remember something he had to do in his room. It was ridiculous, and he knew it, but he couldn’t help it.
You, of course, noticed almost immediately. The first time you called out to him as you walked into the living room, he barely acknowledged you, muttering a quick “hey” before disappearing into his room. You frowned, staring after him with confusion etched on your face.
At first, you thought maybe he was just busy with schoolwork, but when it happened again and again, you started to worry. Heeseung wasn’t the type to just ignore you. You two had always been close, laughing and joking around, but now it felt like there was a wall between you that hadn’t been there before.
One evening, after another day of dodging you, you finally cornered him. Heeseung had just come out of the bathroom, hair still damp from his shower, when you caught him in the hallway.
“Hee, what’s going on with you?” you asked, your tone a mix of concern and frustration.
Heeseung froze, his hand still on the doorknob of his bedroom. “W-what do you mean?” he stammered, not daring to look at you.
“You know exactly what I mean,” you pressed, crossing your arms as you took a step closer. “You’ve been avoiding me for days now. Did I do something to upset you?”
He finally looked at you then, and the sight of your worried expression made his heart ache. “No, you didn’t do anything,” he said quickly, shaking his head. “It’s not you, it’s… it’s me.”
You raised an eyebrow, clearly not buying it. “That’s the oldest excuse in the fucking book, Heeseung. Seriously, what’s going on? We used to hang out all the time, and now it’s like you can’t stand to be around me or something.”
Heeseung sighed, running a hand through his hair as he tried to come up with something, anything, to say that would make sense. "Look, can we talk about it later? I'm really tired right now," he started making his way to the kitchen.
“No, don't you run away from me, Lee Heeseung,” you called after him, your voice tinged with anger as you followed him into the kitchen. “I’m done with the vague answers and the weird behavior. I want to know what’s really going on!”
Heeseung stopped in his tracks, his hand gripping the counter's edge as he tried to keep his emotions in check. “I told you, it’s nothing; I'm just tired,” he muttered, not meeting your eyes.
“Tired? Seriously? That’s all you’ve got?” You stepped closer, your frustration boiling over. “You’ve been avoiding me for days, acting like I’m some kind of stranger, and now you’re telling me it’s ‘nothing’? What the fuck?”
Heeseung turned around to face you, his jaw clenched as he tried to find the right words, but they kept slipping away. “I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to hurt you, but I just… I can’t…,” he trailed off, running a hand through his hair in frustration.
“You can’t what?” you pressed, your patience running thin. “What’s so horrible that you can’t even look me in the eyes anymore?”
Heeseung’s frustration finally reached its breaking point. The tension, the guilt, the overwhelming desire—it all came crashing down at once. “I’ve been avoiding you because every single time I lay my fucking eyes on you, I just want to fuck your brains out!” he snapped, the words spilling out before he could stop them.
The room fell into a heavy silence. Your eyes widened in shock, your mouth opening and closing as you tried to process what he had just said. Heeseung immediately regretted the outburst, the rawness of his confession hanging in the air like a storm cloud. He sighed deeply, cursing under his breath as he ran both hands through his hair, looking anywhere but at you.
“Shit… I didn’t mean for it to come out like that,” he muttered, his voice filled with a mixture of frustration and regret. “It’s just… it’s been driving me crazy. I had this dream, and it was so real, and ever since then, I can’t stop thinking about you like that.”
You finally found your voice, though it was tinged with disbelief. “You’ve been avoiding me, acting like I don’t exist, just because you had a sex dream about me?”
Heeseung nodded, his shoulders slumping as he braced himself for whatever you might say next. “Yeah… I know it sounds messed up, but it’s true. And every time I see you, it just makes it worse. I didn’t want to make things weird between us, but I ended up doing exactly that.”
You let out a laugh, but it was devoid of humor, more of an expression of sheer incredulity. “So let me get this straight,” you said slowly, needing to confirm you weren’t misunderstanding. “You’ve been avoiding me, treating me like I’ve got the plague, all because you want to fuck me?”
Heeseung winced at your bluntness, but he couldn’t deny it. “Yeah… I’m sorry. I know it’s not fair to you. I didn’t know how to deal with it.”
You shook your head, your emotions a chaotic mix of anger, frustration, and something else that you hadn’t fully processed yet. “You know, hee, you could’ve just asked,” you said, your voice carrying a hint of sarcasm.
Heeseung looked up at you, shocked, as if he hadn’t heard you correctly. “Wait, what?”
“You could’ve just asked me,” you repeated, crossing your arms and looking him dead in the eye. “And I wouldn’t have said no.”
For a moment, Heeseung just stared at you, his mind struggling to comprehend what you were saying. “You’re kidding… right?”
“No, I’m not,” you replied, your tone steady and serious. “You’ve been making things weird all by yourself when you didn’t have to. If you’d just been upfront with me instead of avoiding me, we could’ve dealt with this a lot sooner.”
Heeseung was at a loss for words. The idea that you might actually want him too had never seriously crossed his mind, not like this. “I… I didn’t think…” he started, then trailed off, still trying to wrap his head around it.
You sighed, a mix of exasperation and amusement coloring your expression. “Well, now you know. So what are you going to do about it?”
Heeseung swallowed hard, his heart pounding in his chest as he realized the door you’d just opened for him. The air between you was thick with tension, but this time it wasn’t just from frustration or anger. It was something more, something that had been simmering beneath the surface for far too long.
He took a tentative step closer, his eyes locked on yours. “Are you sure?” he asked softly, needing to know that you were serious.
You nodded, your gaze steady and unwavering. “I’m sure, seungie. But only if you’re ready to stop running away and actually talk to me about what’s going on in that head of yours.”
Heeseung’s breath hitched, his thoughts racing as he looked at you, really looked at you. The playful, teasing side of you, the warmth and care you always showed him, the way you were looking at him now—it all made his desire for you flare even hotter.
“I’m done running,” he said quietly, but with conviction. “But… can we take this slow? I don’t want to screw things up.”
You smiled softly, the tension easing just a little. “Slow is good,” you agreed, stepping closer until you were just inches apart. “But maybe, just this once, we can forget about slow?”
Heeseung’s pulse quickened, and with a shaky breath, he closed the remaining distance between you, his hand reaching out to gently cup your cheek. “You have no idea how much I’ve wanted this,” he murmured, his voice low and filled with yearning.
“Then stop fucking talking and show me,” you whispered, your lips brushing against his as you finally closed the gap, giving in to the moment that had been building between you for far too long.
The moment your lips met, it was as if a dam had burst, releasing all the tension that had been building between you two for days. Heeseung wasted no time, his hands immediately finding your waist and pulling you flush against him. The warmth of his body against yours sent a shiver down your spine, and you gasped into the kiss, giving him the perfect opportunity to deepen it.
He took control, his lips moving over yours with a hunger that left you breathless. He tilted his head slightly, angling the kiss just right as his tongue slipped past your lips, exploring your mouth with a fervor that made your knees weak. You moaned softly, your hands sliding up to his shoulders, clinging to him as he backed you up against the kitchen counter.
The edge of the counter dug into your back, but you didn’t care. All you could focus on was the way Heeseung was kissing you, his lips demanding, yet so incredibly soft against yours. He broke the kiss just long enough to murmur against your lips, “You taste so fucking good,” before diving back in, his hands gripping your hips tighter as if he couldn’t get enough of you.
You responded eagerly, matching his intensity as you kissed him back, your fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt. Heeseung pressed his body against yours, pinning you against the counter, the heat between you growing with every second. His hands roamed up your sides, brushing over your ribs before settling on your waist again, his touch sending sparks of electricity through your skin.
“Fuck, you have no idea how much I’ve wanted this,” Heeseung muttered, his voice rough with desire as he broke the kiss for a moment, his forehead resting against yours as you both caught your breath.
“I think I have some idea,” you whispered back, your voice just as breathless as you stared up at him, your eyes half-lidded with want.
Heeseung’s eyes darkened at your words, and with a low growl, he claimed your lips again, his kiss more demanding this time. He pressed you harder against the counter, his hands sliding down to grip the backs of your thighs, lifting you slightly so you were perched on the edge. The movement made you gasp, and Heeseung took the opportunity to kiss down your jawline, his lips trailing hot, open-mouthed kisses along your neck.
You tilted your head back, giving him more access as he nipped at the sensitive skin just below your ear, his breath hot against your neck. “Hee…” you moaned softly, your fingers threading through his hair, pulling him closer.
Heeseung groaned in response, the sound vibrating against your skin as he kissed his way back up to your lips. This time, the kiss was slower, more deliberate, but no less intense. He took his time, savoring the feel of your lips against his, his tongue teasing yours in a way that made your heart race.
You could feel the hard edge of the counter digging into your thighs, but it only added to the intensity of the moment. Heeseung’s hands were everywhere, exploring your body with a mixture of reverence and desperation, as if he was trying to commit every inch of you to memory. When his hands found their way under your shirt, brushing against your bare skin, you gasped, arching into his touch, a soft moan escaping from your lips.
"Look at you," he murmured, his voice thick and low. "All shy and putty in my hands, and I haven't even touched you." You shivered at his words, your hands clutching at his shirt as you tried to steady yourself. He kissed his way back to your ear, biting softly your earlobe. "What's the matter, baby? I thought you were the confident one," he smirked, his lips brushing against your ear.
You wanted to answer, but before you could, his lips found your sweet spot just below your ear, and a loud moan escaped from your lips. You could feel him smirk against your skin as he started nibbling and sucking that spot. You closed your eyes, your head tilting to the side to give him all the room he wanted to do whatever he wanted. "God, you're so sensitive," he murmured against your neck, his breath hot and rigged.
You whimpered, arching your back to press closer to him. "Hee, please..."
He chuckled softly, his fingers brushing lightly over your inner thighs, teasing you. "Please, what, baby?" Use your words."
You shivered at the pet name, your teeth capturing your lower lip to avoid any more moans slipping from your mouth. "Please, touch me," your voice came out more whiny than you intended, but at that point, you didn't even care.
His eyes darkened, and he captured your lips once again in a hard kiss. "Good girl," he murmured against your mouth, his hands slipping your shirt before finally pulling it over your head, revealing your bare chest to him. His hands immediately flew to your tits, caressing your nipples, rolling them between his fingers. "You're so fucking beautiful," he whispered, his lips trailing down your jawline. "So perfect for me."
Gathering your courage, you reached out, tugging at the hem of his shirt. He raised his arms, allowing you to pull it over his head and discard it on the floor. Your hands roamed over his toned torso, feeling the hard muscles beneath his skin. You marveled at the contrast of his strength and the gentle way he had been touching you moments before.
Heeseung's breath hitched as your fingers traced the lines of his abs, but he quickly regained his composure, his eyes locking onto yours with a predatory gleam. "Enjoying yourself?" he teased, his voice low and husky.
You nodded, unable to find your voice, your hands still exploring his body. Heeseung smirked, leaning in to capture your lips in another searing kiss. As he kissed you, one of his hands slipped between your legs, finding your core outside of your shorts. He hissed, finding you already wet and ready for him.
"You're so wet for me," he murmured against your lips, his fingers brushing over your sensitive folds. "I barely have to touch you, and you're already this fucking needy."
You whimpered, your hips bucking involuntarily as he teased you. "Heeseung, please," you begged, your voice trembling with need.
He finally took your shorts and panties off, his fingers finding your bare cunt. His index parted your folds, his eyes fixed on your face to catch every little reaction. Then, without a word, he slipped two fingers inside you, his thumb finding your clit. He started moving them roughly, setting a relentless pace as you gasped for air.
"Is that what you wanted, baby?" he asked, his voice a low growl as the wet sound of your pussy filled the kitchen.
"Fuck, yes, hee, just like that," you moaned, your hands gripping the edge of the counter for support.
His fingers curled inside you, hitting that perfect spot with every thrust. Your brain quickly turned to mush, and you found it increasingly difficult to form coherent thoughts, let alone sentences. Every time you tried to speak, it came out as a garbled moan.
"Fuck, look at you," Heeseung mocked gently, his eyes filled with a mix of adoration and amusement. "You're already a mess, and I'm just using my fingers. What are you going to do when I'll have my cock inside you, mmh?" You whined in response, your hole sucking him in even harder as you clenched around him. He smirked at that, his lips dropping beside your ear as he whispered. "You like the idea of my cock stretching your little hole, yeah?"
You let out a loud moan, your eyes closing shut as you threw your head back. Your body started to shake as he continued to work you over with his fingers. "You gonna cum for me, baby?" he whispered, his thumb circling your clit with increased pressure.
You nodded, not trusting your voice at that moment. And with a final rough thrust of his fingers, you shattered, your orgasm crashing over you like a tidal wave. You cried out his name, your body convulsing with pleasure as he continued to move his fingers inside you, drawing out every last bit of your release.
Heeseung smirked, watching you come undone beneath him. "So beautiful," he murmured, finally slowing his movements. "I love seeing you like this."
He looked at you, eyes filled with an insatiable hunger as he licked his fingers clean. You were still reeling from your orgasm, your body trembling with aftershocks when he suddenly knelt down in front of you, his hands gently parting your thighs.
"Hee, what are you—" you began, but he silenced you with a heated look.
"I need to taste you," he murmured, his voice rough with desire. "I need to hear those beautiful little sounds you make, you can do that for me, right?."
Before you could respond, Heeseung's mouth was on you, his tongue parting your folds and delving into your sensitive cunt. You gasped, your hands flying to his hair as a surge of pleasure shot through you. His tongue moved with a skilled precision, flicking over your clit before dipping back down to slurp all your juices.
"Oh my god, Hee," you moaned, your head falling back as you surrendered to the sensations.
He groaned against you, the vibrations sending shivers up your spine. He was like a starved man, devouring you with an intensity that left you breathless. His hands gripped your thighs, holding you in place as he licked and sucked, his tongue exploring every inch of you. You'd never had someone eat you out like this before, so focused, so determined to bring you pleasure. Heeseung's mouth was relentless, his tongue circling your clit before sucking it gently, making you cry out in ecstasy.
"You're so sweet," he murmured between licks, his voice filled with admiration. "So perfect."
Your fingers tangled in his hair, pulling him closer as you rode the waves of pleasure he was giving you. "Fuck, please don't stop," you begged, your voice a mix of desperation and bliss.
Heeseung's response was a deep, guttural moan, his tongue moving faster, more insistently. He was already addicted to your taste, the way your body responded to his every touch. Your moans and whimpers were music to his ears, driving him to push you further, to see just how much pleasure he could give you.
Heeseung's hands moved from your thighs to your hips, lifting you slightly to get a better angle. His tongue plunged deeper, his nose brushing against your clit, sending electric shocks through your entire body.
"Oh, God, hee!" you cried out, your back arching off the counter as you felt another orgasm building rapidly. "I'm so-so close."
Heeseung groaned again, his mouth working more fervently, his tongue lashing against your most sensitive spots. "Come for me, baby," he murmured against you, his voice a low, sultry command. "I want to taste you when you come."
That was all it took. With a final, desperate cry, you came undone, your body shuddering violently as waves of pleasure crashed over you. Heeseung didn't stop, his mouth continuing to work you through your orgasm, drinking in every moan, every whimper.
You were a quivering mess, your mind blank with ecstasy as Heeseung finally pulled back, his lips glistening with your arousal. He looked up at you, his eyes dark and filled with satisfaction. He stood up, his hands firmly gripping your hips, and you could see the raw need in his gaze. He tugged at his sweatpants and boxers, hastily pushing them down in one go, and your breath hitched when you saw him. He was big, and your mouth watered at the sight of him.
"Fuck," you whispered, eyes wide with a mix of desire and apprehension.
He noticed your reaction, a smirk playing on his lips. "Like what you see?" he teased, his confidence bolstered by your response.
You nodded, your voice barely above a whisper. "You're... you're so big, Hee."
Heeseung's smirk widened, and he leaned in to kiss you deeply, his hands trailing down to position himself at your entrance. "Don't worry, baby. I'll make it fit," he murmured against your lips, his voice dripping with promise.
You bit your lip, feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness. "Are you sure? I don't know if..."
Heeseung's hand cupped your cheek, his thumb brushing over your lips. "I'm sure," he said softly, his eyes locking with yours. "I'll go slow at first. Just tell me if it hurts, okay?"
You nodded, your heart racing as he began to push inside you. The initial stretch was intense, and you gasped, your hands clutching his shoulders. Heeseung moved slowly, inch by inch, giving you time to adjust to his size.
"You're doing so well," he whispered, his voice strained with the effort of holding back. "Just relax for me, baby."
You took a deep breath, willing your body to relax as he continued to slide into you. The sensation was overwhelming, but the look of pure desire and care in his eyes made you feel safe. Finally, he was fully seated inside you, and he paused, giving you a moment to adjust.
"God, you feel so good," he groaned, his forehead resting against yours. "So tight."
You whimpered, your body clinging to him, feeling so full. "You're so big, seungie."
He kissed you softly, his hands caressing your sides. "Just tell me when you're ready, baby."
After a few moments, the initial discomfort began to fade, replaced by a deep, aching need. "I'm ready," you whispered, your voice trembling with anticipation.
Heeseung's eyes darkened, and he pulled back slightly before thrusting into you with a powerful, rough stroke. You cried out, your hands gripping his shoulders for support. "F-fuck," you moaned, the intensity of his movements sending shockwaves of pleasure through you.
He set a brutal pace, his hips pounding into yours. "You like that?" he growled in your ear, his voice rough and filled with desire. "You like being fucked like this?"
"Yes, f-fuck," you gasped, your mind going blank with pleasure. "So good. So fucking good."
Heeseung's lips trailed down your neck, his teeth grazing your skin. "You're mine," he murmured, his voice possessive. "Only mine. Say it."
"Only yours," you echoed, your voice barely more than a whimper.
"Good girl," he praised, his hands gripping your hips harder as he pounded into you. "You're taking me so well."
You could barely form coherent thoughts, let alone words. Every thrust pushed you closer to the edge, and you felt yourself spiraling out of control. "Heeseung, I... I can't..."
Heeseung's hand slipped between your bodies, his fingers finding your clit and rubbing it in time with his thrusts. "Come for me, baby," he commanded, his voice a low growl. "I want to feel you come around my cock."
With a final, desperate cry, you shattered, your orgasm crashing over you with a force that left you trembling and gasping for breath. Heeseung followed soon after, his own release hitting him hard as he buried himself deep inside you, groaning your name.
As the waves of pleasure subsided, Heeseung held you close, his forehead resting against yours. "That was fucking incredible," he whispered, his voice filled with awe.
You smiled weakly, still catching your breath.Heeseung chuckled softly, his hands gently caressing your sides. "We should definitely do this more often."
You laughed, your heart swelling with affection for him. "I think I'd like that."
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the mental illness is making me very mentally ill today
#20 new cuts on my arm and it's starting to get warm out#i know i should stop but im going to keep adding more because i make good decisions#it's good to feel something and i hate myself and hurting myself helps me to cope i guess#i guess hurting myself is a way to take out my anger and hate towards myself on myself??#idk im not a mental health professional#i saw a therapist through my school the last few weeks of the semester and i think that was actually helpful#i've been out of one of my medications for almost a week so that doesn't help either#my dad is telling me that i should contact my dr but what is she going to do? the company just isn't making enough#my dad was talking to me about my job for over the summer#like um??? i want to kill myself#also still nowhere near finishing all my assignments for the classes i had to take incompletes in#i've been eating a normal amount or maybe too much and functioning more and having way fewer suicidal thoughts#but i don't really like it. constantly thinking about killing myself sucked but at least i had like a way out#i guess when i was doing worse i was probably more likely to actually hurt myself in a life threatening way#but now it's like great i have to live#tw: self harm#tw: suicide mention
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#ok so like this is fine bc im not in a horrible mood rn. this is more i feel like complaining bc what im doing is kinda ridiculous#but my memory is so bad that ill probably forget if i dont write it out. but basically 4 days a week i have to come in starting at 7.30 to#water and prep for measurements. then from 9am to 6.15pm i have to nonstop take the measurements. and theyre timed so that means#i get abt 4 min to do anything before i have to take another measurement. which is abt enough time to start to focus and then have to stop#which is very fucking frustrating. and i have to manage data. coordinate for this fucking paper. and keep track of like 10 other things for#work stuff. which means that it takes me like and hour to send easy emails and they come out all fucked uo bc my brain is so shot#but on top of that i also have to fucking do the steps to get set up for my new school in the fall. and like ive officially accepted the#offer but havent talked to my new advisor since then so now theres this weird gap where im like. uh fuck do i ask for wtf im supposed to#do? bc ive been able to do things for like 2 or 3 weeks but then my life started collapsing in around me. and like there r probably#instructions somewhere but i cant fucking read lol. whatever. hes nice i just need to find the energy and words to email him and b like lol#srry everythings been insane. but bc ive waited so long i have to compulsively keep going back to check that ive been accepted like somehow#that would change while im not looking. ugh. and ive also fucked myself over housing wise bc theres a housing shortage in the city and huge#demand of housing on camus so theres a wait list for everything but i cant fucking apply bc i cant get my id to work. and fucking idk who#to call or email abt that. but idk i might have to have roomates for a semester. or my parents offered to give me some extra money for an#apartment until i can get one that doesnt put me in the red on a grad student budget. ugh. i dont wanna do either of those things#but christ do i not want roommates. ill figure something out. its just annoying and difficult from so far away#and it makes me kinda sad bc ppl r like: r u excited?! and im like. i cant really think abt that. partly bc im constanly putting out fires#in the present so theres not really space for it. partly bc i dont allow myself to b excited abt things so as not to get my hopes up.#but just after i accepted i was excited. and now it feels like im reaching my hand out toward a floating light just out of reach. like#its a nice idea but i wont believe until it happens. but that just bc ive become distorted about things#and i dont even get a weekend bc the 4 days of measurement r friday to Monday and i cant fucking relax on weekdays bc ppl r like hey can u#do this??? and there r things i can only do on weekdays so its like ok i guess ill just suffer forever thrn. and my boss texts me like: hey#did u do X? and am like: uuuuuh i fucking dont kno what day it is anymore. i dont understand y we have to meet. lets just not talk bc im#afraid ill say something worrying. so yea its pretty fucked up rn. but this stuff ends on the 24th#then ill probably not take a break and fucking finish the measurements for another project bc i just really need it to b done. i need it#all to b done so i can fucking wash my hands of this and fucking quit and move away at the start of july... or August if i decide i hate#myself that much. ugh. at least the lab has been pretty empty so no ones seen me crying lol#also thr fucking rutgers guy emailed me yesterday like: hey u want this position? and im like bitch u r like a month too late also im in#my cringe fail era. i would not survive at ur school. ugh everything is terrible. 2 or 3 more months then i csn leave this place forever#unrelated
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