#and I don’t get a fucking headache
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((Look staff I know websites cost money to stay online, whatever I’m much less irritable about it than some people are, but like
Y’all gotta fuckin quit it with these automatically-turned-on-with-zero-clear-warning headachefests of UI changes that y’all are doing as ~*collaborations*~ or w/e
Especially when how to turn it back off is byzantine at best and also when removing the constantly-jigging UI elements that are still lurking around regardless literally requires a third party adblock filter can you FUCKING STOP THAT
Least make these things CLEARLY opt-in rather than opt-out, if that makes any sense, goddamn))
#; mun ranting#not ffxiv#then the people who find it cute or w/e can have it#and I don’t get a fucking headache#searching for the menu option to get my screen to stop being obnoxious colors#then again#y’all can’t even vet your ads for sweet fuckall for obvious horrible shit#so I’m definitely pissing into the wind even saying this out loud tbf#just because tumblr is /less bad/ than Twitter doesn’t mean#that y’all aren’t capable of digging a deep enough hole to not just go under the bar#but digging deep enough to go square-dancing with the Devil#Old Ibexgator Yells At Cloud more at 11
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phinktober day 8: tatinof
wtf a whole week done already???? i haven’t drawn this consistently since i was in high school 😭
bonus bc idk when to stop
#again don’t love this one as much as the others but i’m settling into some semblance of a style finally and learning to work w that so#i’m pleased#and i’m actually quite impressed at my development already i was a sketch portrait artist for years i forgot how much i love sketch-style#think i’m getting a bit better w anatomy without being completely dependant on grids#hmm#anyway i have a headache from trying to get this done before midnight im gonna go have a cup of tea#and maybe water idk when last i drank water#art2 and craft2#dnp#dan and phil#phanart#daniel howell#amazingphil#dan howell#phil lester#tatinof#the amazing tour is not on fire#wait he was still dinof then#danisnotonfire#i feel like i’m missing a tag but idc i need a cone#FOR FUCKS SAKE I MEANT TO POST THIS 4 HOURS AGO AND LEFT THE APP AND NEVER PRESSED POST#AAAAAAAAAA whatever it’s still tuesday somewhere
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i fucking hate people choosing flashing gifs for their headers. fuck you actually
#mono’s stuff#i don’t even have epilepsy but i get headaches and nausea from flashing lights#saw a fucking horrendous one just now my head feels awful
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i still haven’t processed the last few preshows bc wtf do you mean they went to six flags and phil cried after riding kingda ka
#do you think they’re that couple that can’t get off of each other in lines#ik they have loved a good roller coaster in their time but I don’t blame him lmao ik so many people that just can’t do them after their 20s#bc of the rattling and headaches#i will enjoy my youth while I can because I fucking LOVE roller coasters#anyways dan mentioning roller coaster wiki deep dives in the newlyweds video made me feel so seen bc#i was obsessed with roller coaster content when I was like 12#and I would literally spend hours watching YouTube videos of people reviewing and riding famous ones#and was weirdly fixated on kingda ka#never been to an amusement park in america only disney parks but#yeah been thinking about this and haven’t even listened to the preshow yet#for someone who is so unnormal about them there’s been too many casual lore drops#dnp#dan and phil#phan#tit tour#tit preshow
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#got triggered into a meltdown and now I have a headache and I’m exhausted and for what#i fucking hate our neighbors. I love our location and the rent price we pay but I fuuuucking hate these people#and now my Friday off feels like it’s ruined if I don’t just Get Over It™️ so I can write or read or wtv#but I just want to sleep#lo.txt#tbd
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if this account is still active by college expect updates about my situationship (my rivals/enemies to lovers girlfriend i made up in my head weeks ago)
#i met this girl?? she’s so nice she’s my partner in a few of our classes#help she offered to study with me#theatre class !! i’ll post updates 🫶🏽 im GETTING that lead role#oh i didn’t know she also wanted to audition for this role#oh.#she just?? patronized me?? what#i take it back !! she is not nice and i do not like her <3#she’s so fucking annoying all because she made 2 points higher than me bfr#she spilled her coffee on me in the hallway. i don’t even have a change of clothes#i hate her sm#im being forced to partner with her for the project what 🙁 i will commit#im going to go crazy we actually have to work together i hate working with her okgfjhfjfhf#update: we’re at her dorm because she insisted on not wanting to go to mine kms#WHY IS SHE BEING SO UNCOOPERATIVE. THIS IS AN IMPORTANT PROJECT im sonfucking. she’s so annoying#we js got done arguing over who was going to do the writing (im doing the writing 🫶🏽)#im about to go back to my own dorm this is giving me a headache. i literally cannot do this anymore#update: so uh#guess who got laid
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something about that whole incident must have changed something in my brain chemistry cause my insomnia’s gotten bad again
the past few days i’ve getting to sleep at two or three. kinda sucks i guess, but i don’t really want to resort to taking melatonin again
#i took melatonin every night for a year straight and now i get frequent headaches and nightmares every time i sleep#is that the melatonin or is that the year that most of my trauma comes from/when it got worse#hard to say. maybe both. i don’t remember!#and y’know it sucks not being able to go to sleep#because i can’t even read after a certain point#it gets too watery and everywhere and it’s difficult to figure out the words and letters#mmm i did say you wouldn’t be hearing from me until tomorrow#but it’s past midnight here so that’s fine it’s fine#i don’t like tumblr anymore. i don’t like being here anymore#i get scared whenever i get activity now. i get uncomfortable just having the tab open#how pathetic is that?#really pathetic. really fucking pathetic#probably because i know they’re still looking at me and i hate being watched#y’know i have thoughts like ford but the only demon here is my faulty synapses#it feels pathetic. i feel pathetic. i don’t have a reason like he does#and even then people say he doesn’t have enough of a reason#i’m so fucking pathetic
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I can’t even imagine living without anxiety. Like. How. What?
#I mean if I woke up tomorrow with a normal amount of anxiety it would be a shocking difference to my daily life. and I am medicated!!! like.#what? am I missing something here?#my mom tells me that meds can only do so much and that they’re really just meant to make it so you can get out of bed every day#but now I’m wondering like is that true or is that my mom is on the wrong dose herself and something could be done to help us both#gahhhhh idk I just feel helpless bc I’m scared of making big changes and the big changes have to make are scary and large and I need a#bulleted list made of things I can do (and break down into very small steps) to actually progress in a positive way in my life instead of#being SO afraid and SO stagnant. it’s been six months since (ptsd diagnosis causing thing) and I don’t feel like I’ve made any progress even#with a therapist. I’m working towards a more intensive program but I feel like it’s almost making me feel more alienated bc I’d have to like#go be surrounded by other mentally ill people and medical people which brings dad dying trauma and like I know I’m running from it bc I’m#afraid to face the changes I need to make and the feelings that are going to come up but fuck man can’t I get some fucking meds that make#this easier to deal with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grief and ptsd and long term isolation and anxiety and chronic pain like fuck it’s#so exhausting!!!! I feel like I’m fucking fighting thru life and then from the outside it’s like I’m doing nothing cause I stay in my room#and get stoned and play animal crossing and watch tv and cry and over eat and sometimes I drive around in circles so I can scream sing until#my throat burns and I get a headache and everything finally quiets down in my head for a second. I know I look like I’m doing nothing and#that’s because I am doing nothing but waiting for the next time a mental health professional will talk to me for an hour like it’s so sad#anyways. you ever take a big dab and then start crying and type all of this like it’s an epiphany even tho it’s things you already know.#honestly crying in front of the air conditioner is so slay slight breeze over my face cooling the tears the white noise calming me down
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something something byan ending up in the office on at least half of the days they actually bother showing up to school, specifically for breaking the dress code... some of the teachers eventually hitting a point of letting the less drastic rule violations slide bc they don't want to deal with the scene they know from experience that byan will cause, but then others being especially nit-picky about it... idk I'm just thinking about it tonight
#like u know a chunk of it is transphobic but like.#the majority of it is genuinely bc they're outright intentionally wearing skirts that're too short & shit#byan is maliciously breaking the dress code bc they think it's stupid#but they also wanna stick it to those who don't think they should be dressing the way they do#and in the process they give everyone a fucking headache sfjgksh#and like. they're more than happy to be doing that. that's WHY they make such a scene.#fuck authority!!! if ur gonna stifle them then they're gonna make sure ur miserable!!!!#they're petty enough to come back tomorrow wearing an even shorter skirt just so u have to deal with it again!!!#and if u eventually cave & don't call them on the smaller shit?? that just means they're winning!!!!!!#ahdjgsg hi I'm alive & thinking about Them but also like. drowning myself in games to get through the days#actual writing is still on the backburner for now but I have been slowly cleaning up my drafts for whenever I do have the energy back :'v#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.
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holy fuck. i have done literally genuinely nothing today
#i played dnd . but i just barely dragged myself awake for that#i like. better finish my shit tomorrow jesus fucking christ#i don’t know what fucking executive dysfunction is going on but i Cannot get work done#this sucks this sucks this sucks#i haven’t even really eaten. i’ve been snacking but i haven’t had a meal and i also didn’t eat properly yesterday and i think it’s giving me#- a headache. but also i don’t really have food here that was. protein and such#maybe i’ll order in again if something’s open :/#ted talks
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so when do i get to be set free from the mortal plane
#i know there is no higher power out there bc if there was i would not be suffering like this#no such thing as deserved in sports but i think ppl who r mean as fuck should not get to be happy#i have a diabolical headache and an unprecedented level of distaste for people rn. like don’t play i will blow us both up
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wrath 🎀
u fucking whore i hope you (buffering. reload. reload) live your life far away from me where we never have anything to do with each other again. i’m sick of being the bigger person and i have a right to resent you for what you’ve done actually you piece of shit. i will not forgive u. good luck with your life but i will win. i’m better than you and i will win.
#i can’t give up girlies#i won’t die and in ten years we’ll meet again for the reunion and u will see#embracing hatred and spite#i really need to eat something before i lose my marbles for real#’ru mad at me about something’ boy the audacity. quit asking this#reason u don’t know is the very reason i’m so pissed off in the first place#i’m the abnormal one for not being over this entire shitshow by now but i have never felt a normal proportion of emotion about anything#this is established#you on the other hand don’t give a shit about anything#ion wanna pretend i’m ok with this rn get the fuck out of this country already#go home#get ur rich family to buy u that m2 and terrorize the english highways what the fuck do i care#i’ll buy my whip with my own money motherfucker#man i’m a bad friend#i’m a bad person#added to list of posts i should probably keep in my drafts but i don’t care; this is my house#huuuuuuu ion wanna talkkk right nowww but what the fuck am i supposed to say#‘ru mad at me?’ yes very much so#why? misplaced sense of entitlement maybe??? i’m evil?? i’m silly and childish and not being fair to you#i don’t want to talk#splitting headache#deep breath. don’t be a sissy little bitch and say the right thing. let me cook
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im sososo tired like its actually a problem . i’ve been tired forever and ijust. i odnt know what to do. i don’t even feel alive anymore im just so tired. i want to enjoy relationships i want to have fun i want to love freely and intensely i want to be happy i want to feel every emotion deeply but i’m just so tired. i don’t know what to do anymore. its so hard to just hold up a simple conversation im so tired i just. i don’t want to be tired anymore. i don’t want this. i don’t like it. i’m tired of being tired but there’s nothing i can do to fix it.
#vent#health stuff#i’ve been wondering for a while if i have chronic fatigue syndrome#but i don’t experience any of the physical symptoms? like pain and stuff?#i get a lot of headaches. but. idk#my therapist is trying to help me get on the right meds#bc when i was on vyvanse i felt alive for the first time Ever#maybe i was a little tired but#i felt like myself#after a couple days it was definitely Too Much#i felt sick. i couldn’t eat#i felt like i was going crazy#but. i felt alive#i felt alive and i miss feeling alive#i’m so tired i’m so fucking tired#i can’t do anything anymore im just so tired#i don’t want to talk anymore#i don’t want to do anything#i don’t want to die but i’m just so tired#i don’t know what to do#im just surviving through each day im just waiting for it all to be over#im not going to kms but sometimes i wish i could#i just want this to end#i want to be happy again#i want to be alive again#suicide tw#suicidal ideation tw#tw suicidality
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I’ve started trying a new allergy medicine this week and y’all what the fuck
#it hasn’t given me a headache like all the others do#but fuck man#I feel like shit#I keep having to stop and sit down because Im getting nauseous just from standing#let alone walking around#and then after I sit down my chest starts to hurt#and like all day I’ve had the second most annoying headache type for me#and that’s the one in my neck right where it connects to my skull#that I can’t massage or anything because it just makes it worse#and im just so tired???#I don’t have any energy#and it all makes me irritable and fussy#and like it’s been a while since I’ve cried because I don’t feel good#but here we are#like I don’t even feel anything in particular right now???#like I can’t identify what feels wrong just that it does???#and it’s frustrating#anyway
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as soon as the zyrtec & the aleve i just took kick in, i will be here besties <3
#( a pathological people pleaser // ooc )#( mobile )#(i ended up just getting too tired last night i’m feeling somewhat better today)#(it’s just these fucking sinuses/sinus headache - but hopefully these don’t take long to kick in)#(i hateee allergiesss - i wanna say i can’t wait till winter but then i’ll just get sick from everything that goes around during wintertime#(so tell me when do we win WHEN DO WE WIN 😭😭😭)#(might also go for a hot bath w the steam we’ll see)
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Im saving up for a laptop and it’s mainly for school but also I want to be able to play games with mods and have a good dvd player any recs let me know please
#dvd player#tbh that’s like. my stupidity#i have a portable one on hold u just plug in#and i think that’s enough#i just added that in case I’m missing smth 🧍🏾♀️#the main games I wanna play are sims bg3 and cyberpunk tbh#maybe Minecraft but. sorry guys#i was a Minecraft kid who never got into playing Minecraft SORRY#Im mission orientated and the blocks gave me headaches sorryyy#like i DID play Minecraft but after a farm some animals and iron tools#I couldn’t give less of a fuck anymore#my problem is I thought Minecraft was gonna be aphmau mcd and Stacyplays off rip#Im lazy#anyways#if I play my cards right I can get my family to give me their dvds#i have a jem one on hold rn#i want Nick and boomerang shows tho#dexters laboratory Johnny bravo etc.#and 321 penguins#i don’t want kids but idk I keep thinking of my family’s kids growing up with what I grew up with#FOR ME PERSONALLY I want danny phantom and Ben 10#Bc I watched like. 3 episodes of DP and my 5 yr old laptop quit#and i never watched Ben 10 but it was good apparently?!#POWER RANGERS SAMURAI IS A MUST#maybe It’s the sickness making me nostalgic#but It’s more like I want physicals of these#i know I come off as a hater but I only really hate on things I love and Can improve#and as much as I hate online that’s bc irl I’m having a blast#so yes. i do want su dvd. ✊🏾 AND VOLTRON SORRYYYY#IK but hear my out those I’d like HAVE to buy secondhand I’m not spending more than $25 per two seasons
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