#and I deal with that pain myself and hide it from everyone else and that’s it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lynnlovesthestars · 1 year ago

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Hi! I’m new to your blog and have been loving all of your works!

If you’re comfortable with it, I was wondering how you think Astarion would react/feel about a virgin tav/reader who went through SA when they were younger, and wish to wait until they are both completely ready and comfortable with being intimate?

Hii, I can definitely do it, though i will merge it with another ask I received- asking to write hcs about Astarion learning Tav is a survivor.

I will say, making it with the hc has been a little easier on me, usually when i write about SA i spend an insane amount of time making sure i'm comfortable and you (readers) are as well, and i hesitate a lot before publishing it *(queue up scars and blood, that I wrote on an impulse after a nightmare, and it took me a solid week before publishing it)*

ANYWAYS.

ofc I hope this will be of comfort to you, and it won't trigger you.. sometimes all we want is to find solace into our favourite characters, so i wish tonight this will in a way comfort you...

and if anyone needs to vent, or talk, feel free to hit up my dm's, they are a safe space for anyone and i'll always offer up comfort.. we don't need to struggle alone, and sometimes being heard is what we need to make a new step forward<3

As always, my little stars, excercise kindness! we don't know who's gonna pass by this, and we don't know how hard it can be for them.

This being said, I hope you'll like it!

Headcanon: Astarion learning Tav is a survivor.

Pairing: Astarion x reader. Warnings: mentions of past trauma and SA. wc: 1.7k

-He starts suspecting something about it around the time of the tiefling party. He had offered to sneak out while everyone was asleep to "enjoy yourselves", but you refused right away. He definitely picked up some involuntary movement you did that told him there was more to the "I'm not ready". You probably flinched or jerked away, usually it would go unnoticed, but Astarion could recognize the subtle harshness hidden behind your reaction.

-He doesn't want to pry into it, as much as he needed to know as much as possible about you- he says for the sake of his undead skin- he wasn't entirely confident you trusted him enough to share your past. Also he wasn't sure he could handle someone confiding in him, but he would never admit it. At the end of the day, all he knew about social interaction were faint memories of his magistrate life, or means to survival. He simply wasn't sure he could have the empathy to deal with someone else's emotions, both in good and in bad.

-When you meet the gur, and you start peering into his past, he can't hide the very obvious rock in the shoe, Cazador and his spawn life, and it is because of the gur that you actually open up to him. When he starts going deeper and deeper into Cazador's orders to him and his repulsion towards sex, you do feel like you can share something so intimate, that's been heavy on you, well since it happened.

-The first time you mention it though, you are very blunt.

-"And honestly I don't know anything else besides disgust for it" He'd admit as he bit the inside of his cheek.

"I'm sorry, Astarion" You'd start, you wanted to hold his hand to comfort him, cause that kind of pain you knew. "I understand how you feel though. If you need—" He cut you short, anger was bubbling quickly in his stomach. You swore his face almost reddened in anger as he raised his voice.

"No, you don't" He was one sound shirt from hissing at you. "You cannot understand what it feels like" He'd sneer at you. "No one can understand what it feels like to be stripped of your bodily autonomy". In a way the harshness in his voice was like a slap to your face, cause you did in fact know. From the other, you didn't expect your brain to beeline directly towards that sealed drawer in your brain where you tried to hide the haunting memory.

“I went through it myself, you shithead” You got up, uncaring of whatever reaction he could have in that moment, and you just left.

-He was taken aback, on different levels, both because of your sudden shift in mood, because of the blunt reveal, and deep down because he was sorry, though again he’d never admit it out loud.

-You ignored him for the rest of the day, avoiding his stare and disappearing in your tent right after you were done setting camp, and that unsettled him so much that he was weighing the possibility of apologizing cause, of course, he didn’t know.

-You skipped dinner, and even when everyone else was asleep, you didn’t come out from your tent to take your usual nightly walk. The pang of guilt was becoming more like a stab as he saw the light in your tent still burning, and the faint shadow of you moving around restless.

-He prepared a peace offering, a bowl of the leftover stew, as he had to muster the guts to apologize.

-”Sorry, I was an asshole earlier, I brought you food” He blurted out right after he knocked on the wooden support of the tent, and he was surprised when you still let him in.

-Initially it was awkward, cause you were eating and not saying anything, but after a while he mustered up the courage to offer his shoulder to you. “If you even wish to talk” He’d say.

-You told him a bit of what happened, without going too much into detail, since you were still shaken from the memories that resurfaced.

-Since then he started to learn your boundaries: how to catch your attention without startling you, what were triggering topics for you, how you liked physical touch, and how it triggered you as well.

-In a way he becomes very protective of you, especially if you open up more often about your trauma, and you can see it.

-He made sure everyone respected your boundaries, whether it was Gale with his weave thing pulling you too close, or a stranger breathing on your neck, he was always ready to remind them of their place.

-”Don’t you see our dear captain doesn't want to be that close?!” “Keep your hands to yourself, they don't like being grabbed by the wrists” “Get away from her, before I stab you”

-He noticed how you always double checked the perimeter of the camp before the sun would set, and before getting in your tent you’d always look around in the distance, trying to spot if something was out of place. So he joined you in your routine, helping you check around and make sure you were ready in case anything could have happened.

-As you get closer, and you both open up more to each other, he even suggests he moves his tent closer to yours. “I can keep an eye around” Was his explanation, when he first brought it up.

-And it helped so much with your sleep, you felt a little safer.

-If you didn’t feel safe at night, he’d suggest putting your tents together into one. Maybe it was a way to keep you closer, or he needed reassurance, but he made sure you knew you could place your bedroll anywhere as far or as close to him as you liked.

-Eventually as your bond would deepen and deepen, and you’d grow fond of each other, you found yourselves rediscovering your touch together. It started with your fingers tapping on his arm as you were walking, or a strand of your hair being pulled behind your ear. Some nights you’d sit close in your tent, and would hold hands, caress each other’s cheeks, and slowly even reach out for a kiss or two.

-It was a slow process, where you really got to know each other like no one else ever did. You could read each other like a book, yet you never shied away from asking each other for consent for anything.

-”Can I hold your hand” “Can I kiss your cheek” “Can I rest my head on your chest”

-The thing you both struggled with the most, was falling asleep holding each other. You’d panic very quickly when you would feel your chest becoming tighter. He’d move away as quickly as possible, and give you the space you needed.

-When he confesses he has been falling for you, it’s time to approach the very delicate topic of sex. You opened up about the fact that you wanted to wait ‘till you were ready, and he agreed without hesitation. Of course because he understood where you came from, he never asked for any help either, if he’d feel like he needed some release, he’d disappear for a bit and deal with it himself, without making you feel like a burden.

“I just want to make sure we are on the same page on this” You’d say as you crossed your arms, almost as if you wanted to fold yourself in and away. “If you want to have sex, I can’t right now” You’d start saying, but stop on your tracks for a second. “Wait, not that I can’t. I don’t want to have sex at the moment” You’d correct yourself, confident in your statement, he wasn’t even thinking about it, though he respected completely.

“I get it, and it’s okay my love” He’d say, patting your shoulder, and wondering whether he wanted to hold your hand or kiss it, he wanted to let you know he truly understood. “I don’t want to either” He smiled, and in that moment it was like both you two finally breathed. You’d reach for his hand to hold it in yours.

“It’s not because of you though” You wanted to explain to him, you were so close it was something you were ready to share, especially since you were slowly walking towards a different level of intimacy together, he had to know. “I want to do it when we are both ready”

“I understand, my sweet, there’s no need for explanations” He’d smile again, one of his fangs slightly poked out against his lip. “You said you don’t want sex yet, so it’s no”

“I’m a virgin” You’d blurt out, and that was something he didn’t entirely expect.

“Oh” He’d say at first, but as he noticed your cheeks slowly warming up, he pulled you closer to him, his forehead against yours. “It’s okay, I don’t care about it” He’d exhale. “As long as it’s you, I don’t care about anything”

-When you reach Baldur’s Gate and finally you settle in the elfsong tavern, you made sure you always had a corner of time dedicated to helping each other relearn touch.

-You'd lay next to each other in different levels of nakedness depending on how you felt at the moment, and you'd spend your time tracing each other's features. Whenever you'd feel comfortable enough to venture into a new thing, he'd ask for permission.

-"Would you feel comfortable if I touched your hips?" "Can I trace your scars with my fingers?” “May I pull you closer?”

-You didn't fight time, you didn't rush towards sex. It came slowly and it was a process full of ups and downs. Some attempts ended up with you both sobbing, too overwhelmed. Other's ended up with panic attacks. Eventually though, after a lot of work together, you reached a point where you'd be able to make love.

-it was a very soft moment between you two. It involved a lot of comforting, kisses and patience, but it was something so profound, it wasn't only about shared pleasure, but it was about connecting your bodies and your souls. In a way it was like a wedding for you two it was the peak of trust you could have with each other.

-He'd whisper so many times how proud he was of you, how much he loved you, and how glad he was that you were the one that would spend their life with him.

-Tears eventually arrived, they were the tears of two souls that finally had reclaimed a bit of their freedom. It was the cries of someone that was finally healing.

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itsnotamatterofif · 2 months ago

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Loving the Slick love in my ask box today!!! I went with a little scene between Momma and Slick for this one, post the final race. In my head Slick has kind of the Ignored sibling vibes, but her motivations other than ‘money’ aren’t very clear.

Hope you enjoy!

✨Do you want a mini fic? Send me an ask!✨

It's going to be a long night.

Whilst everyone else is out partying and celebrating Rusty's stupidly triumphant win, Slick is alone. Hiding in the maintenance shed, drill in hand, she's instead adamantly focused on the painful joints that had become loose following the crash with Greaseball and Electra. Those two got whisked off to safety immediately, but of course no one at this god-forsaken, stupid, annoying yard had bothered to ask the tanker-

She huffs in annoyance as the drill slips out of her hands again. Why the engineers had to make their tools so fucking tiny she would never know.

With a curse and a groan, she heaves to her wheels, bending down to pick up the drill. This is the second time this has happened now, and to be absolutely honest if she drops it a third time it would be the absolute cherry on this awful cake of a day.

“Here, baby, let me help.”

She jumps back suddenly, apparently too lost in her own thoughts to realise someone had entered too. With a glance upwards, her vision is filled with a figure that is undeniably Momma, and any shock in her system fizzled away into annoyance.

“Piss off Steam train,” she snaps, grabbing the drill and retreating back to her bay, “I can handle this myself-“

“‘Steam Train’?” Momma repeats incredulously, and the fact that she is not only still here but also smiling makes Slick want to scream, “damn, one bad job and it’s like your first day at the yard again - believe it or not, Miss Slick Oil, I came here to make sure you were alright.”

“I’m fine,” Slick grumbles quickly, “doesn’t Rusty need you or something? I’m sure you’re due a speech about the power of steam anytime now.”

“He can wait,” Momma says easily, and with a creak and a groan, situates herself on the bay next to slick, “looks like you got pretty banged up there.”

Slick can’t help the grunt of frustration - why won’t this fucking engine leave her alone? “Ain’t nothing I can’t handle.”

“Was this following your little tangle with Greaseball?”

She can feel Momma’s eyes on her, expectant and perceptive.

“Yeah,” she finally admits, the whir of the drill filling the shed for a second as she screws a loose bracket into place, “Electra took the brunt of it though - you should have seen how smashed up their stupid little chest screen got, it was great-“

“I’m sure it was.” Momma’s tone is even, loaded with patience - considering the fact that she’s been taking care of all the trucks and Rusty for god knows how long, Slick’s surprised at just how much patience she has left. “Slick, baby, why’d you do it?”

Like ice in her fuel pipes, Slick knows exactly what Momma’s on about. Why she sabotaged Rusty, threw the entire final whilst convincing Lumber and Porter to work against their friend, and why she was more than happy to leave Rusty to the mercy of the engines.

She knows why, of course. The empty space where solid bullion should be under her loading bay won’t let her forget, as well as the messages of anger from the various bookies and sponsors she’d been rigging the game for. All of this for a way out of this dead end yard, to get somewhere she’d be actually useful for once, or be able to race with proper engines, not jumped up ego cases like Greaseball and Electra, and not have to deal with the stupid coaches anymore.

Or stupid Rusty, who was actually nice to her sometimes, or the stupid trucks, who were quite useful in her various escapades.

She didn’t think Hydra was capable of hatred, too oblivious to the world to be capable of negative emotions, so the look of sheer disappointment before the downhill race was unexpected.

“Cash,” she admits simply, setting to work on wedging a fuel pipe back into place, “if I’d had pulled it off proper, and your little pet project hadn’t put ideas in Rusty’s head, I’d be set for life.”

“And what would you have done with that cash, Slick?” Momma asks. Slick wants her to be angry - she was expecting fire and brimstone from the old steamer, not patience, and the whole thing is just making her angrier.

“Gotten out of here, for one,” Slick starts with a humourless, dry laugh, “gone somewhere sunny - I’m sure an airport in paradise somewhere needs an A1 tanker, I know people who’ll convert me.”

Momma hums thoughtfully, considering Slick’s answer as if it wasn’t some hasty excuse. “Kid, this ain’t easy-“

“What ain’t easy?” Slick shouts, teeth bared as every ounce of fuel left in her surges and boils with rage - she thought she was prepared for this, prepared to tell the rest of the yard exactly where they can shove it, but apparently not, “kickin’ me out? Telling me to fuck off? I’ll tell you, it’s gonna’ be damn easy - I knew it was comin’, and I wanna’ be out of here as much as you wanna’ see the back of me, so fuck off out of here with that fake pity, it’s-“

“It ain’t easy to apologise, Slick,” Momma interrupts, and Slick feels shock hit her like a cold front. Momma is looking sorrowfully down at her clasped hands, lips bared in a tight line. “I never did do right by you, and I’m sorry about that - if this is because of anything me or the boys did-“

“No, no it ain’t,” Slick mutters, and as the rage begins to seep out of her like sludge, embarrassment fills its place, “I just- I feel trapped here. All I do is follow around those jumped up engines, and they treat me like shit, I’m- I’m tired, Momma.”

Two large arms are around her like a flash, and before she can argue she’s tugged into the steamer’s side; it’s… it’s nice, the hug, nicer than she remembers them. Momma’s been spending most of her time recently making sure Hydra doesn’t blow, or trying to stop Porter and Lumber from blowing him up, she can’t remember the last time she had a hug. Against her will, she feels herself go lax, whatever fight she had draining, and instead she just aches.

“I understand if you still wanna’ leave, baby,” Momma says quietly, muffled slightly from where her face is so close to Slick’s hair, “but you know you’ll always have a bay and a safe place to rest here, and I swear by the Starlight that I will do better by you.”

Something in her throat is threatening to break if she opens her mouth to reply, so she grits her teeth and screws her face up to stop any rogue fuel leaks. She’s not sad, not angry, not pissed off, everything just kind of hurts now, and Momma’s arms are so warm.

“Let me know if I can help with anything,” Momma adds, and Slick can finally hear the smile in her warm tone.

“Sure,” Slick replies, simple and quiet, “will do.”

#stex #starlight express #starlight express london 2024 #slick the oil tanker #momma the steam engine #pebs writes #anon ask #picking slick up and holding her very very closely

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furiousgoldfish · 9 months ago

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I had a conversation the other day, with a person who seemed to have some respect for me, but couldn't understand why I'm still having trauma symptoms, and can't be normal already. I took it as a chance to try and explain my symptoms, but it seemed to fall on deaf ears; I was told I just needed to tell myself that 'I am a new person now', and forget about the past. The person then explained to me how they weren't always the same person either, and they would sometimes cringe at their behaviour in the past, but then they would be proud of themselves for being smarter and more reasonable today. I couldn't quite explain to them that my situation was not the same.

They gave me various suggestions like 'just don't think about these things anymore', and 'these people are not going to hurt you anymore', which I strongly doubted was true. I tried to explain that I am not purposefully thinking about it; in fact, I was doing everything to avoid it. But with intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, nightmares, and the symptoms of the dissociative disorder, I had no control over it, the past was at my throat, holding me and unwilling to let go. I could tell that they still believed I was doing it on purpose, holding on and refusing to stop living in the past.

I very rarely get a chance to talk to someone about anything trauma related, so I was originally grateful that anyone was even showing an interest at 'attempting to help me', but later when I thought about the entire thing, I got pissed off.

Firstly it doesn't make any sense for me to be 'normal', in any timeline, regardless of how much time has passed. You can't have a person living first few decades of their life in belief that their life is worthless, in environment where they're getting locked up, beaten, humiliated, tortured, threatened with death, brainwashed to believe they're not human, severely neglected, and without any kind of genuine caretaker or a parent. And then leave it to this person to 'deal with it alone', never getting any help, never even getting reassured that what happened to them was wrong. That is complete abandonment by human society, and I find it sick and twisted that this person should be expected to adhere and integrate into society afterwards, for what? This person will logically feel betrayed, untrusting, bitter, feral and unnacepting the society's standards, especially their standards for victim blaming and ignoring abuse. Society continually fails these people expects them to 'fix themselves' so nobody would feel uncomfortable about it.

Secondly why is it up to me to change as a person? I am not like this because 'I was not a good enough person', I am not the one who needs changing. I am good as I am. It's worse that after being failed in every aspect, I am now being seen as the one in 'the need of change', for not acting normal and being haunted by my past. I am not hurting anybody! I am the only one suffering from this. God forbid my reality leaves someone uncomfortable, I better try to hide it better. Which I actually do unless sometimes is actively asking me about it.

And the last bit of my anger is about making it seem like the actual problem is 'me holding onto the past', and not my life being severely different and harmful in a way that isolates me from other people. I don't have the same formative experiences other people had. I don't remember being cooed at and hugged, I don't have endless experiences of being taught that I'm important, that someone will care and intervene when I'm in pain, that the figures of mother and father are safe, warm, comforting and reliable. That childhoods are a positive and fun part of life. That families work as an environment for children to be raised on. I don't have the experiences that formed all other beliefs that this culture holds, I hold nothing sacred that is sacred to everyone else, I don't believe in the authorities, I don't believe in family, I don't rejoice with holidays, I don't want children, I don't trust religion, I feel contempt towards capitalism, I don't relate or connect to people who are receptive to any of it.

And it turns out I'm right to feel as I do. Because people in this society will actively come to me asking me to 'stop being like that', while never asking any abuser to 'stop being like that'. Victims who make them uncomfortable can be spoken down to, should be told to stop being traumatized, even in private, while the abusers just need to be 'ignored' and 'hopefully they stop doing it'. What a great plan. Surely it will fix everything.

Humane thing to do would be to approach me with awareness that I've been treated like a worthless creature and address it and allow me to act genuine about it. If I'm still feeling betrayed, abandoned and outcast from society, I should be able to express that. I deserve to react with genuine responses rather than this insane preformance art I have to do every single day to make sure nobody else is aware or uncomfortable by my peril.

#trauma #cptsd #ptsd #healing from trauma #trauma recovery #abuse recovery #child abuse #story

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praisethegabs · 2 years ago

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TAKING CARE

pairing: leon kennedy x reader synopsis: he needs comfort and someone who cares about him, and you know he won't say it. at least, not out loud. author's note: another request, i think it's very cute. it's my first attempt to write a drabble, and here it is. this was heavily inspired by a conversation i had with my friend today! i hope you like it, anon 💓 warnings: just fluff in general with a small angst, no use of y/n, second person (you) word count: 934

Leon was a terrible liar.

You were his partner for years, and you were always there with him during assignments. You knew him better than anyone else and there was nothing he could hide from you. Your relationship with him was something very unique, and you knew you were the only person he truly trusted.

But oh lord, it was very hard to gain his trust.

That's why you didn't even cared having him laying on your couch on a Saturday night after almost one month away from home. He was tired just like you were and yet, he seemed bothered with something.

"Is everything okay?" you ask him, sitting on the floor, crossing your legs as you observes him.

"Yeah, I'm fine" he says, his arm resting on his face as he tries to protect his sight from the lights. "Just tired"

"You're a bad liar, Kennedy" You smirk, trying to provoke him as you poke his waist, making him groan a little. "Come on, big guy"

"I hate you" he muttered to you, slaping your hand from his waist, before he glances at you, getting more comfortable on your couch.

"You love me" you smirk, still poking him, which makes him sigh a little, rolling his eyes as he gets slightly annoyed by your insistence.

"Have you ever had this feeling... like... you don't belong to anyone else?" he asks you, sitting on your couch, sighing deeply. "Like... you're not destined to be with anyone? Always alone and this kind of bullshit?"

"Wow, I've never thought of that... why?" You raised an eyebrow, the smirk on your lips fading away, as you notice some sadness in his piercing blue eyes.

But he seemed hesitant for a moment, trying to find the right words to express himself, which was something he had a lot of trouble to do. Leon was a low profile person. He always kept things for him instead of opening himself up with others, so telling someone how he felt was a big deal.

"I mean, recently I've been asking myself if I'm not a lovable person, y'know? Like there's something wrong with me, like I don't deserve to be loved..." Leon avoids your gaze, focusing on your plant instead. You knew it was serious.

"Since when you've been thinking about this?" You ask him, joining his side on the couch, trying to gain his attention.

"I don't know... it's been a while. I feel like I won't end with someone, I won't have an happy ending, like everyone else. You know, everyone I ever cared about ended up betraying me or hurting me... which makes me ask myself if I'm not worthy of love" he finally looks at you and you can notice he's trying his best to not break in front of you.

How can you show him you care? How can you tell him he's worthy of love and he deserves all the happiness in the world? No matter what you say, he won't believe you. He's so broken inside, he's so shattered into a thousand of pieces that words can't fix him. How can you convince him he deserves only the best, when all he sees is pain and suffering? He was hurt before, and he tries so hard to hide it, but sometimes, when there's only you with him, he finally allows himself to be vulnerable. But this? This confession? Well, it's not like anything else you heard before.

So, with just an simple gesture, you just involved him in your arms, in a tight hug that could melt him inside you, where no one would hurt him again.

And when he feels this hug, when his skin touch yours, he knows he can be whatever he wants with you. He can be vulnerable, he can be everything he isn't while he's with others. Deep down, all he needs is someone to rely on. You.

"I have something to say, and I want you to hear me very carefully, Leon" you said, touching his face so he can look you in the eyes, and he just nods. "You're the most beautiful, lovely and bravest man I've ever knew. And by beautiful, I mean inside and out. You're worthy of all love of the world, you deserve to have an happy ending like everyone else and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise"

He smirks, even there's sadness in his eyes. He nods again, a few tears dropping from his eyes as he bury his face in your neck, seeking comfort. Gently, you start to stroke his hair, leaning against the couch to be more comfortable as he lays on your chest, breathing more calmly.

"Thank you" he whispers, closing his eyes as he can hear your heart beating calmly inside your chest, your fingers still playing with his hair. "For everything"

"What can I say? I love you, jerk" you smirk, looking down at him, his face buried on your neck, but a soft smile on his lips. "And you better remember that"

"I will. Always" his breath on your neck makes your body shiver, and he notices it, makes him smile even more.

This is the unique relationship you have with him. The only person who knows his insecurities, the person he always seeks when he needs comfort and assurance. By the end of the day, it's you he'll always want to be with.

"By the way, I'll always take care of you" you whisper to him, even though you knew he's asleep now. He's snoring softly and you know he's in peace. "Always"

#leon s kennedy x reader #leon kennedy x you #leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy x oc #leon kennedy #leon scott kennedy x you #leon s kennedy x you #leon scott kennedy x reader #leon s kennedy #leon scott kennedy #leon re4 #resident evil leon #infinite darkness leon #leon kennedy infinite darkness #leon resident evil #re4 leon #leon re2 #leon imagine #leon kennedy imagine

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brucewaynehater101 · 7 months ago

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every family has a secret stoner and i absolutely need your opinion on who you think the stoner of the batfam is, like,,,,,, who’s sneaking away at thanksgiving to light up?? do they smoke together?? is it an open secret or does nobody know about them smoking??

I just... I need a sec. Y'all's family hides that shit? I kid ya not, my mom's offered me gummies, one of my siblings has a weed desk, and my father swore he'd constantly be smoking as soon as he retires. My other siblings' partner did weed a lot too.

I don't really like weed for myself (the lack of control freaks me out and I've had a few bad trips), but at least one of my siblings very openly uses weed often lmao.

I got off track. Whoops. Anyways, Dick. Dick 100% does weed. It helps with his anxiety and anger (also Discowing).

When Dick "sneaks out" to smoke, some of the others join him. Jason is always there regardless if he's taking a hit, smoking a cigarette, or just taking a moment away from Bruce (Bruce is rarely welcome during these moments. It's more of a sibling thing).

Steph probably bakes brownies and has a weed stash in Tim's room. She'll occasionally join them, but not always. She's usually hanging around Cass, Duke, Tim, or Damian.

Now... I adore the stoner Tim au. It's hilarious and great. For this post, there's two options for Tim.

If he's a stoner, then Dick didn't find out until a hilariously late time. Dick is reasonably upset that he found out so late when it's another way for Tim and him to bond.

If he's not, I'd hc him to be closer to how I feel about it. He's chill with other who do it, but doesn't like the way it fucks with his control, awareness, and ability to think. Instead, he'd rather drink alcohol.

Hmm... I'm curious how weed, alcohol, or substances would interact with Cass's ability to read body language. If it makes it harder or lessens the amount of signals she perceives, this could either freak her out or give her brain a break.

Funny answer for Cass is that she does a *shit* ton of weed and somehow manages to hide it from everyone but those she's told (maybe Steph and Tim?)

I need to learn more about Duke. Until I know otherwise, let's say that he occasionally does it for fun with friends or a batfam member, but usually refrains.

Damian is a kid. Maybe when he's older, he takes a night off every month or so to decompress with the help of weed.

Alfred does weed too. How the fuck else is he supposed to deal with all the stress of the Bats? He'll go out to "tend the garden" which is code for "leave him the fuck alone so he can de-stress and smoke."

Bruce might every once in a while, but he stopped heavy usage when he put on the cowl.

The whole batfam knows and is chill with weed. The substance they do hide, however, is alcohol. Some members have trauma and shit with alcohol. This means the others try not to consume alcohol around those members and obscure their alcohol consumption in general. Whether those with alcohol trauma consume alcohol as well, the others still refrain in front of them.

I can't believe I forgot Barbara! She probably does weed to help with her pain

#dick grayson #jason todd #steph brown #tim drake #cass wayne #duke thomas #damian wayne #bruce wayne #alfred pennyworth #dc hc #dc au #thank you for the ask!!!!

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noahsresources · 2 years ago

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HURT / COMFORT STATEMENTS THAT HIT ME RIGHT IN THE FEELS

pardon me please, i'm just having a moment. possible tw for suicidal ideation and references to death and loss. bonus points for specifying a scenario!

from those who are struggling. ❝ i never thought i'd ever make it this far. ❞ ❝ ... when were you going to tell me about this? ❞ ❝ i don't ever want you to die. please ... don't die ... ❞ ❝ we had our whole lives planned out. ❞ ❝ i just can't, it's too much. it's too fucking much. ❞ ❝ losing him/her/them was the cruelest thing i've ever experienced. ❞ ❝ people say things like, 'you're going green with envy', or 'there's smoke coming out of your ears'. you think they'd come up with a statement like that that describes someone who's in constant pain like this ... ? ❞ ❝ sometimes you need to make room for grief. make time for it. embrace it. it's all i've been doing as of late. ❞ ❝ how is it possible to hurt this much when nothing's wrong? ❞ ❝ drowning in sadness is more fulfilling than drowning in pleasure these days. ❞ ❝ it's hard to let go of the fact that i'm probably going to outlive everyone else in my life. ❞ ❝ i've already lost everything near and dear to my heart. everything except for you. ❞ ❝ i'm just so tired. i just want to go to sleep and never wake up again. ❞ ❝ i was so close to giving up once. ❞ ❝ i don't want him/her/them to die alone. i'd never forgive myself. ❞ ❝ please, don't go ... i just need to feel your arms around me ... ❞ ❝ there's a reason why i hide my emotions locked in a metal cage so deep in my heart. it's so i won't get hurt like this again. ❞ ❝ i've always had to deal with these kinds of things alone. i don't need your help. ❞ ❝ it was my fault. i did this to him/her/them ... ❞ ❝ i can't even see my future anymore. i don't want to. ❞ ❝ there's no way i could possibly be this important to you. ❞ ❝ if i lose him/her/them, then there'll be nothing else for me to live for. ❞ ❝ i don't see a point anymore. in going on, i mean. ❞ ❝ time won't slow down. it never does. i had to learn that the hard way early on. ❞ ❝ go away ... please, just go away. ❞

from those offering support. ❝ ... i'm sorry. i'm so, so fucking sorry that you had to lose him/her/them. ❞ ❝ it wasn't your fault. you did everything you could. ❞ ❝ just remember they'll always be in your heart. ❞ ❝ i don't know what to say to make you feel better, but ... i'm here for you, if that means anything. ❞ ❝ believe it or not ... i know how you feel. i've been through this exact same thing. ❞ ❝ he/she/they loved you. he/she/they loved you so much. trust me ... i know. ❞ ❝ you're not alone. i promise you, you're not alone. ❞ ❝ don't worry, i'll stay. i'm not going anywhere. ❞ ❝ you've been through so much ... be kind to yourself. please. ❞ ❝ it's okay to cry. you don't have to hide your emotions around me. ❞ ❝ you don't have to talk to me. hell, you don't even have to look at me. but, please ... give me a sign that you're hearing what i have to say. ❞ ❝ please ... don't tell me that you'd choose to spend eternity up there with him/her/them over an eternity with me ... ❞ ❝ you're grieving. it's an understandable reaction. but you should rest. you've been overexerting yourself far too much lately. ❞ ❝ the man/woman/person who you lost, who loved you ... he/she/they wouldn't want to see you doing this to yourself. ❞ ❝ crying is your body's way of telling you that you've been keeping everything in for way too long. so let it out. you're safe here. ❞ ❝ sadness is like an ocean. sometimes we drown in it, but other times, we're forced to swim in it. ❞ ❝ as long as i'm here, you'll never not have anyone ever again. ❞ ❝ i hope you know that you can talk to me about anything at all. share anything you need to get off your chest. i'm here for you. ❞ ❝ love is often felt the most in your favorite memories. honor him/her/them by remembering all the happiness he/she/they gave you. ❞ ❝ if you don't feel strong right now, then you don't have to be strong. it's okay to be vulnerable, weak, scared, and sad. ❞

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witchy03 · 1 month ago

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Healing from religious trauma and working with Dionysus be hitting different lately. Going into it, I did a crapton of research and of course knew that he is associated with duality. There's a chaotic and jovial side to him, like the fun Dad that paints his nails funky colors and goes mall shopping with his kids. On the other hand, there's the darker, more primal side. A side driven by madness and often rage. He is a God of insanity, and he's not afraid to let everyone know it. I've definitely seen that duality in my life.

While I feel the soft and gentle support, the push to relax and enjoy life, I've also felt the whispers that it's ok to be mad. It's ok to be angry at those who hurt me. I confronted my Dad about all the baggage I've carried since ten years old, got my anger out and let him know how he failed me as a child. Although he refused to take responsibility, I've found that I don't care. It's taken me a long time, but I'm finally learning to let myself be angry. To finally wrangle that tightly wound yarn ball of anger that I've been shoving down to keep up a facade of perfect 'godliness'. Because if I don't deal with it, it'll just get bigger and bigger until I can't hold it in anymore. I need to work through it to heal, and Dionysus has given me the courage to do so.

"It's ok," he says,"it's ok to be angry. You don't need to pretend anymore. Let it go. Be angry, feel the rage, but know that once it's out of your system it'll feel so much better."

He embraces both my timidness and my rage, holding both in his arms and accepting that this is what makes me who I am. He doesn't tell me to hide how I feel. He lets me know that it's ok to feel angry, something that I as one raised in a Christian faith am unaccustomed to. I was told to bury any "bad" or "evil" inclinations, but that's not healthy. Dionysus knows this.

I am angry.

I am angry at all the Christian "friends" I had that took me out of the group chats and forgot I existed.

I am angry at my parents for all the pain they've caused me

I am angry at my siblings for their abusive behavior towards me

I am angry at the teachers I had that either treated me like a disease or a problem to be solved, and all the damage they inflicted

Most of all though, I'm angry at the Christian God who was supposed to be my "best friend", the one who wouldn't abandon me, who instead threw me to the wolves in sheepskin that I called my family. He left me. He deserted me, ignored my prayers and tears.

I'm angry at him mostly because he lied. He pretends to be perfect in judgement and without flaw. I hate being lied to.

I am a worshipper of Dionysus. Others may come, some may go, but that is who I am. I am damaged but healing. Enraged, but gentle to those who deserve my gentility. He collected the broken pieces of my soul and helped me put them back together. He is there when no one else is, and I am eternally grateful to him.

Thank you so much, Lord Dionysus.

#dionysus #tw vent #religious trauma #witchcraft #dionysian #dionysus deity #hellenic pagan #hellenic polytheism #baby witch #dionysos #dionysus diety #dionysus worship #im ok just working on stuff

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widxwed · 1 year ago

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TaskForce 141 x Male Medic Reader

❛ Just let me help you ❜

- A / N : first post! Sorry if its short, I'm ill at the moment

Simon " Ghost " Riley

💀 ⁾ he tries to hide his pain from you

💀 ⁾ when you do find out he tries to push you and tell you he's okay when he really isn't. he doesn't understand that you don't find him weak and they you actually want to help him. not call him weak

💀 ⁾ when you finally convince him to let you help him he is a bitch about it the whole time. he " doesn't need your help ". you obviously beg to differ

💀 ⁾ he stays still for you though. he doesn't fight you

💀 ⁾ ghost won't tell you where it hurts so you physically have to tuouch every where until he winces or tenses up. it pisses him off that you can read him so well

💀 ⁾ when you finish patching him up he thanks you begrudgingly. you tell him what he needs to do and he actually listens to you. he knows deep down you're a good medic and that he can trust you but he's just so full of himself he thinks he's so perfect and doesn't need help

💀 ⁾ you two are kinda friends. he won't admit it but he actually wants to be on your good side. he wants you to teach him everything you know even though he probably won't remember it. he'll bring injured tranies to you just to watch you work on their wounds. he's very obviously mesmerized by how you know exactly what to do

💀 ⁾ when he finds out you've been drowning yourself in work he puts a stop to it. he is pissed off at you, the army, and everyone for being " so god damn clumsy "

💀 ⁾ he'll tell you to stop and will drag you from your office. he's not gonna be the most gentle about it. he'll sit you down on the couch, make you some leftovers, and do all the paperwork he can just for you. he doesn't want you to get sick. he doesn't want their medic to be sick

💀 ⁾ he also just doesn't want you to feel ill because he cares a lot

💀 ⁾ when you're on your forced break and someone gets an injury he does what he can and says that you'll check them out later. he's not kind about that so people know not to get hurt when you're on a break

💀 ⁾ you're very much " built to be a medic ", meaning you aren't meant to fight people, more help people so when someone calls you weak ghost is immediately pissed off. he obviously tells them off saying things like: " he does so much more than you do, soldier " and " next time you tend to your own damn wounds then, yeah? ". he's would fight anyone for you no matter if you can stand up for yourself or not

💀 ⁾ he does learn to respect you and your work but he'll never take your help when you first offer it. he's too proud

John " Soap " MacTavish

🧼 ⁾ he is one of the few people that will actually go straight to you with his pain. he won't hide it from you

🧼 ⁾ he knows your too smart for his dumb ass trying to hide things from you and you'll find out in your own way. he'd rather you just know rather than you worrying. you worrying makes him sad

🧼 ⁾ when he tell you he follows up by saying " I can take care of it myself, don't worry mo ghràdh. " you obviously worry and tell him that he needs your help and that you will help him one way or another. he huffs at you and just lets you. your not worth fighting. he'd rather waste his energy on anything else. plus, he loves and appreciates you way to much to argue ( trans : my darling )

🧼 ⁾ when he finally gives in to you wanting to help he pouts like a toddler about it. he trusts your judgement and steady hand though. he admits that you're doing a better job that he could just to let you know that he does care

🧼 ⁾ he doesn't want you to feel useless because he wants to help himself

🧼 ⁾ he moves way too much. it was bold of you to assume he wouldn't. he just has way too much energy

🧼 ⁾ soap will tell you where it hurts just to make it easier on you. he will make a big deal out of small pains to make you feel more useful and to keep you busy

🧼 ⁾ he just wants to spend more time with you

🧼 ⁾ once you finish soap thanks you over and over again. you roll your eyes at him and have to physically push him out of your office. he just wants medic's to feel appreciated. he's seen them get walked all over and he's tired of it. he makes sure to write down the advice and tell someone else what you said just so he doesn't forget

🧼 ⁾ he's just a hyper active golden retriever and your one of his favorite people

🧼 ⁾ you two are fairly close. you keep him calm when he gets over exited by something or he has way too much energy for his own good. it's a bit contagious though you have to admit

🧼 ⁾ he just wants you to feel appreciated, if you couldn't tell already. he is a medic supporter and is probably your biggest fan. he's your own personal cheerleader

🧼 ⁾ when someone insults you he's quick to jump to your defense and yell at them. even if you had something to say he's going to say what he wants first. he isn't going to let you be pushed around. he'll say things like " say that again, I dare you " and " he knows how to kill you, keep that in mind ". most of the time people leave you alone after that. if soap is mad at someone ghost is quick to follow and they don't want to deal with him

🧼 ⁾ he respects you and make sure you know he loves you and you're doing great. especially when you feel down because people aren't the most thankful to medics

John Price

🚬 ⁾ being well.. the dad of the group and their main sniper when he gets hurt its a big deal to the whole team. he shouldn't have even gotten hurt in the first place. that wasn't his job

🚬 ⁾ he doesn't even get a choice whether or not he gets to tell you. gaz and soap drag him into your office to check on him

🚬 ⁾ he tries to tell you that he's okay and won't let you tend to his wounds. he will fight you as nicely as he possibly can become he is convinced he is fine and that no, he doesn't help

🚬 ⁾ when you can finally convince him to just check him over price sighs but lets you help. he tries to tell you that he really doesn't need help but other than that he tells you that he appreciates the help and that you're doing well but he doesn't need your help. he tries to tell you that litterly anyone else could use your help. you have to physically get him to shut up

🚬 ⁾ when you do patch up his wounds they are bad most of the time because he doesn't just let the other person go. no, he has to kick their ass and win which means he gets more hurt than he should have been

🚬 ⁾ you're very gentle with him because if you're not he flinches or makes his pained dad noises ( we all know what I'm talking about... )

🚬 ⁾ he is just trying to convince you he doesn't need help. do I need to say it again? he doesn't need your help

🚬 ⁾ when you finish patching him up he's very thankful and tries to tell you he knows how to take care of his wounds. he does but when you pout at him he will listen. he really does just want to make you happy but at the same time he doesnt want you to waste your time on someone who already knows what he's doing

🚬 ⁾ he see's you like a son. he acts like you're his son too. the amount of times you've accidentally him dad and he's accidentally called you son or " bud " makes you two laugh. you just call him dad now and he acts like your his son and it works for you both because you need a amry dad... who doesn't. he just wants to take care of you

🚬 ⁾ he knows you often drown yourself in your work and he drags you out of that. he tells you that you deserve to have you time and that you need rest. he will physically drag you from your office and make you lay down. he'll make you food and hot coco ( or your favorite hot drink ) and just sit with you. he wants to make sure you're okay. he will be your caretaker if thats what you absolutely need. he's your army dad after all

🚬 ⁾ when you get teased for your job price will walk over and just stand there, an eyebrow raised. he even looks like an angry dad. he will tell them to go away if they don't pick up on the hint of him standing there. if it continues after that he will make them run laps until thry physically drop. he explains that medic's are meant to be appreciated. if anyone thinks otherwise they will also be running

🚬 ⁾ he appreciates what you do for others, but not himself. he doesn't need help

Kyle " Gaz " Garrick

💣 ⁾ the amount of times youve had to treat him for the most random ass wounds is insane. he doesn't even have to say anything for you to know he's accidentally hurt himself by doing dumb things

💣 ⁾ most are burn wounds from him accidentally exploding something. he smiles like an idiot cause he just knows what you'll say. its always something along the lines of : " again? " or " you're not a firefighter, stop acting like one "

💣 ⁾ he always smiles and says " you love me ". you can't help but laugh at him

💣 ⁾ he doesn't mind going to see you. your always so gentle with him and you don't make him talk to you. when he's excited about something you have him talk about it so 1) he stays still and 2) you can listen to his voice when he allows you too. he likes to listen to you too though, he'll always ask questions about the machines or what your doing

💣 ⁾ when he sits still long enough for you to treat his wounds he gives you a general area of where the pain is. its always a scavenger hunt to find where he burned himself this time

💣 ⁾ when its a battle wound he bleeds a lot for some reason. that means you have to work fast and it also works in your favor, you don't have to go hunting for his wound. gaz normally needs to be sedated so he stops moving so much or wincing. you do really feel bad but you don't want him to be hurt more than he already is

💣 ⁾ he tries to stay still for your sake, really! but he just can't seem to sit still. he has to be moving. you normally work around this by giving him something he can mess with while you work on his wounds

💣 ⁾ when you finish he thanks you once and only once before hurrying off to get out of your space. every time you have to fix him up he'll bring you your favorite candy. he'll leave it on your desk with a note that normally says something along the lines of : " I'm so sorry ", " it will happen again ", or " you're becoming my own personal medic ". they're always signed with " -K.G " and a messy heart with your initials in it. its always stuck to the bag of candy. you've kept all his notes in a drawer just to make him feel appreciated. and to tell him that you really do enjoy the notes

💣 ⁾ you two are quite close due to the amount of visits he has to your office. he gets mad and pouts like a toddler when he cant get you as his doctor. he'll pretty much refuse service from any other medic. you're his favorite. he just wants to be close to you. plus, if soap and price trust you and like you so will he. no questions asked. you're also so kind with him. he just thinks your an amazing person all around

💣 ⁾ he thinks of you like a younger / older brother and is very obvious about it. he never really had a brother and you fit what he thinkd a brother is perfectly

💣 ⁾ he's the one that figures out you're over working yourself. he tells everyone else because he's way too scared to get involved and make you mad. he just wants to make sure you're okay. even if its indirectly helping you out

💣 ⁾ when anyone teases you gaz gets involved. no questions asked. he isn't good at being angry when talking so he quickly gets physical. he isn't afraid to start a fight as long as its to help his family. you normally talk him out of it but he still isn't happy. he complains to price about it and makes him do something about it. he isn't going to let you get shoved around for doing the job you wanted. and the job you we're so god damn good at. you were the few medics that actually took their job seriously

💣 ⁾ he appreciates everything you do and voices that. he will always tell you how amazing you are. whether its through notes, words, or gifts. he very obviously loves giving you gifts. just to cheer you up or make you feel loved

Alejandro Vargas

🗡 ⁾ he's a bit of an idiot and gets hurt on everything. he refuses to see you a lot of the time. normally rudy will force him to see you

🗡 ⁾ he's too proud to let you treat him

🗡 ⁾ most of the time you treat him for small cuts that he accidentally did just walking to fast. sometimes you have to treat him for exhaustion because he overworks himself constantly and can't ever seem to pull himself away from his work. you always sigh at him and give him medication and watch him to make sure he drinks water. you also have rudy keep an eye on him for the next week

🗡 ⁾ when its a battle wound you normally get him when he's unconscious anyways. he puts his own injuries to the side to make sure rudy is okay. you always lecture him after about how he actually needs to take care of himself

🗡 ⁾ he always manages to get wounds in the most obscure spots. like, my man, were you trying to get the award of " the most dumbass to ever dumbass "? he always fist fights over actually shooting someone. that makes him end up with bloody knuckles and you always get so mad because theres not a lot you can do about it and you don't want to see him hurting

🗡 ⁾ he make him stay in his own hospital room for a few days after just so you can get it into his head that he needs to take care of himself and do as you ask. if he doesn't listen you make him stay longer. he always calls you mean but he knoes your right

🗡 ⁾ you've gotten him to stay in the hospital longer and rest by asking him to teach you some Spanish. it works like a charm. he gets so involved he forgets he's even resting. you alsi use this trick when your checking and cleaning his wounds. when your rebandaging his wounds he is so focused on your movements so he knows how to wrap wounds

🗡 ⁾ he does thank you. but its through small gifts like new medical supplies, pocket knives, guns, some things that are sweet but are definitely military based

🗡 ⁾ one time he gave you some flowers

🗡 ⁾ your not friends per say but you are close. he's like your uncle, your very annoying uncle. he can really only stand you because your good friends with rudy. or at least thats what he says. he really does want to be your friend, truly, but he's too scared that your mad at him for being such a brat when you treat him. he asks you if you two are actually friends / close or if you only tolerate him because you have to. you say something along the lines of " i could ask you the same ". you teo do become friends over time. after that, you wouldn't trade him for the world

🗡 ⁾ when he finds out your overworking yourself he uses your words against you and treats you just like you had him when he was exhausted and wasn't taking care of himself. it pisses you off but you're happy to know he cares about you

🗡 ⁾ the moment any rude comment twoards you slips out of anyones mouth he is immediately involved. he is normally cussing at them in Spanish while shoving them away from you angrily. he isn't letting you take shit. he knows you deserve better. hes a bit over protective of you. he always says its because you're his nephew and its his job to protect you

🗡 ⁾ he really dows respect and love you. not just as a medic but as a human being in general. your constant kindness and your convincing you attitude is admirable in his eyes

Rodolfo " Rudy " Parra

🔦 ⁾ he's such a sweetie. he's one of the few people that will go into your office without a fight. he doesn't want you worrying. he also makes sure to keep his trips short

🔦 ⁾ he doesn't want you overworking for his sake

🔦 ⁾ most of the injuries you see him for are injuries from battle. he normally doesn't have a lot but they're always pretty bad. you always sigh as he's sent on another mission. he's like your other dad. you don't want him hurt at all. you're always more rough with him. it makes it easied for you to work faster and he has been hurt so many times he doesn't mind the pain

🔦 ⁾ you've had to sadate him multiple times because you know how painful his wounds would be. even if he really doesn't mind the pain

🔦 ⁾ if hes wounded with a wound you wouldn't wish on another human being you're sadating him. no questions asked. you will knock him over the head with a bat if you have to

🔦 ⁾ you usually have him under observation. no matter the wound. you just can't be careful enough. you want to make sure he's actually okay

🔦 ⁾ i mean, rudy gets the most dumb wounds ever that are so painful you even wince when he moves to fast

🔦 ⁾ normally when you do your routine checks or your removing his stitches you talk to him in what Spanish alejandro has been teaching you. he'll laugh about how stupid you sound but will help you out where he can. you're mainly distracting himself from his wounds over distracting him from his wounds

🔦 ⁾ when you finish up or his wounds are healed he thanks you. he'll hug you. if you don't like hugs he'll tell you he's proud of you and he'll bring you food. most times at lunch you don't eat anyways so what the harm in bringing you food, right? he likes to sit with you at lunch anyways

🔦 ⁾ this is also his way of making sure you stop working for a while

🔦 ⁾ you both are really good friends. he's over protective of you and you're always worried about him so it works for you both. his constant need to make sure nobody is messing with you and your constant need yo make sure he's okay and not hurting himself by accident makes you inseparable aside from when you're both working. thats one of the few times you two aren't seen together

🔦 ⁾ he's tried so hard to stop you ftom overworking yourself but it just doesn't seem to work. you always manage to do it anyways. he'll lock your office and take your keys if he has to. you do not need to be constantly working. he doesn't need two alejandro situations on his hands. one is enough

🔦 ⁾ when someone makes a rude comment or teases you or you just seem uncomfortable with someone at all he will get involved. you never know how he even manages to find out. he always does. its a bit scary but its nice to feel loved and protected. and when rudy is protecting you alejandro is also protecting you indirectly. he will make that person run and apologize. then next time they get hurt he makes sure they get one of the meanest medics the base has. he will not let anyone get away with bullying his favorite medic

🔦 ⁾ he respects and appreciates you for what you do and he voices that. you'll always be his favorite ' kid '. he always makes sure you know he loves you. no matter what

This was not proof read! I apologize for spelling / grammer mistakes

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useless19 · 7 months ago

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You my dear have made the mistake of reigniting my love for megatron x knockout so now you must suffer my mad ravings. I'm sorry in advance. Megaknock is a FASCINATING ship because they are so alike and so different that its downright poetic in a way i know the writers didn't intend. They are both cunning and dangerous, both ruled by pride and explosive emotions. Both dramatic and boisterous. Neither are particularly patient and both relish in the pain of others.

However megatron enjoys a challenge, he's disciplined and unconcerned with his image as long as he can strike fear in his enemies, hes hardly afraid of getting dirty if it means getting his way. As for Knockout well in his own words games are only fun if your winning. he's indulgent and famously vain taking immeasurable pride in his appearance to the point where he will kill over getting his paint scratched. Megatron is composed and stern, with his harsh edges, towering size and unnatched strength he commands respect strength and radiates danger, an apex predator.

Meanwhile knockout is flamboyant and downright playful. With his small frame, his curved edges, his shiny paint he hides in plain sight making others think he's just a pretty preening thing, making them forget about the buzzsaws and knowledge from his profession that ensures he knows where the soft spots are. A scavenger through and through.

They would be a nightmare for absolutely everyone else as a couple, feeding off of and into eachothers worst nature. You just know knockout would revel in being a pampered trophy wife. As long as he gets to keep enjoying his hobbies he's perfectly happy to play the role of pretty accessory hanging off his masters arm or lounging in his lap and making him look all the more fearsome by comparison. Megatron would enjoy it just as much. Not only does he get to have a treasure the nobles of old would covet shamelessly fawn over him he also gets the entertainment of them not realizing the danger right in front of them. Atleast until they wind up on the dissection table. What can he say, megatron can't resist the sight of knockout in his element with his true predatory nature on full display, besides the colors of death suit him well. He always did find blue and red a lovely combination.

Pulling people back into rarepair hell is never a mistake ;)

One of the key things for me about their dynamic is that Knock Out is possibly the only person who is happy being a Decepticon while also genuinely seeming to like Megatron (for the most part). Watch the look on Knock Out's face in Stronger, Faster when Megatron injures Ratchet and presents his leaking frame to Knock Out with a "There's your laboratory sample, doctor." or the way Megatron accepts the Predacon talon at the end of Plus One.

They enjoy each other's competence and cruelty and their goals are often aligned, meaning that, while methods and success rates may vary, they generally aren't costing each other their key values/at key moments (compare to the worst of their conflicts with Starscream).

I think it helps that Megatron is usually smart about dealing with Knock Out on a (somewhat) professional level. Take the times Knock Out presents himself as mission-ready in Tunnel Vision and Hard Knocks, Megatron questions his capabilities both times. Knock Out doesn't appreciate the questioning, but Megatron's concern is assuaged by giving Knock Out an Insecticon guard and Knock Out borrowing equipment respectively, there's almost an edge of care to it. Later on, "Haven't I proven myself?" is followed up with "I need your scientific skills." which both soothes the unintended insult and shows how much Megatron appreciates Knock Out's non-combat skills - ie, the whole package.

Knock Out doesn't have some big grand plan, he's going with whatever flow works best for him. Whereas, Megatron does have a vision of the future (defeat the Autobots and rule the planet) and it's one that Knock Out fits in perfectly well. There isn't a need for Knock Out to question the status quo because it serves him just fine.

Megatron and Knock Out are also fascinating to me for being the two highest charisma characters in the show, just focused at opposite ends of the spectrum.

As much as I love the many ways in which they can make each other worse, I also really like how they have the potential to fit together and give each other the space to be needlessly sadistic while also being able to get comfort (even if it is wrapped in layers of denial). Megatron praises people when they succeed (competence kink, anyone?), while Knock Out, despite being designed sexy, never gets anyone commenting on how pretty he is, not even in a derogatory way. It's so close to Megatron dropping a half-compliment on Knock Out's looks and Knock Out taking it entirely too seriously.

And size difference. Can't forget the size difference!

#transformers #megatron #knock out #tfp #megaknock #never be sorry for rambling ship dynamics at me #i'll ramble right back #i hope i managed to get my thoughts across somewhat coherently #there's a lot of waffling i could do about them #this got long

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hype-old-posts · 9 months ago

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vignette and addiction: my takes

(cw & tw: substance addiction, general addiction, mention of sexual themes and pornography, self destructive behavior, anxiety and depression)

vignette is one of my favorite songs on clancy (all of them are, but that's not the point), and as i was watching the livestream i heard tyler mention explicitly that the song was about addiction. and that's a theme i think it's important, and it's good that he brought it to light

while you'd read the lyrics and think the song is clearly about substance abuse, I don't think this is what tyler meant it to be about. not entirely.

the thing about addiction, is that everyone can have it, be in larger or smaller scale. it's like a tick that latches onto your skin but you can't see it or feel it because it numbs your senses.

I've dealt with addiction before (not substance, but adult entertainment on the internet, and then in real life) and i think this to be true: anything can be an addiction. be it a mania like biting your nails or maybe an eating disorder, to spending too much time on certain apps; everything that keeps us enslaved can be hurtful for our health.

we become mindless zombies, we can't see what's around us, we can't think unless it's related to that thing in specific that will bring back the feeling, the comfort. it's desperation for relief, for numbness, for a familiar pain. i see "the vignette" as a metaphor for something you can't always see, but it's there, until it swallows you completely

when i was deep in my addiction, one of the things i couldn't stop thinking about was: "can people see that I'm an addict? am i hiding it well?" the anxiety of wanting to appear normal, like I want struggling, like i wasn't under the control of something so simple and mundane, it consumed me to the point of wanting to isolate myself.

you're always clinging to the promise you won't do it again, you won't let it win, but sometimes you can't. and that's okay. it's a constant fight, a process, and it might never truly go away, but you'll get stronger each time.

the second verse messes with me the most. when you see someone who has openly struggled with addiction, the before and after may surprise you. people who were once so full of good values and confident in themselves "suddenly" let themselves rot away without realizing, or without caring.

i think "where do i go from here" represents the emptiness you feel once you're sober. you feel lost, like you're in the dark and you can't find footing. you want to feel comfortable again, but it never lasts long enough.

and of course "no not me it's for a friend" would be a controversial one. you could say that the hurtful thing you're consuming isn't for you, it's for a friend, but you could also say that about help. i personally like the help one, but i think both can be right. admitting to having a problem is the first and most difficult step in all of the process, you're always so scared of feeling judged that you'd rather pretend it's someone else who has to deal with it. heck, I'm feeling that right now as i write this! sometimes I can't use the right words at all without feeling a chill down my spine, but i believe that it's just like exposure therapy, and I'm sure it will be less and less scary to talk about it as i grow, just like tyler is talking about it now

vignette is a masterpiece, and although I don't and probably won't know for sure whether tyler has dealt with a different kind of addiction like i have, or if he actually is just referring to substance ones and I'm putting my bias into it, I don't care. this song will always have a special meaning to me and i hope it does to everyone else as well:

everyone struggles. we might be ashamed of it sometimes, but we should take pride in our recovery instead. it'll be hard to seek help, but the search party will come.

#twenty one pilots #tøp #twenty øne piløts #skeleton clique #twentyonepilots #tyler joseph #the clique #clancy #vignette #cw addiction #tw addiction #cw substance use #tw substance abuse #cw hypersexuality #tw pornography mention #song analysis

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it-happened-one-fic · 19 days ago

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Hours in the Moonlight: Solitary Eventide - 3. Not Normal

Summary: You’d hardly known what to expect from the clan head of Ignihyde, but it quickly became obvious that he was very awkward and most likely painfully shy. He was also beginning to come across as mildly antagonistic and surprisingly sharp when it came to figuring things out. You could only say that his quick wits would make him easier to work with though, rather than harder.

Series Type: Gender-neutral reader/ Vampire AU/ series/ romantic/ angst/ angst with comfort/ fluff/ sfw/ platonic interactions too!

Trigger Warning: Vampire

Word Count: 1584

Hours in the Moonlight Master-List

It hadn’t been very long at all after our introductions that Sam had abandoned me, seemingly having had his fill of terrorizing the clan head of Ignihyde.

Ortho, for his part, also disappeared rather quickly, claiming he needed to tell everyone else in the clan the news that I was going to be visiting frequently. I couldn’t help but feel like the other vampires here wouldn’t be nearly as excited as Ortho was if they were as reclusive as Sam had implied they were.

And almost as soon as we’d been left alone, it had quickly become obvious that Idia was a little bit different from other vampires I’d met.

He did indeed come across as a recluse in the most awkward way possible. In fact, it was almost like he was so incredibly shy that having to interact with me was almost physically painful.

But what was stranger still was that, other than the fact he was having to interact with me, he seemed to be wholly unaffected by me.

Unlike other vampires, he didn’t show any of the usual signs of being drawn to my scent or anything like that.

There was no pupil dilation, attempts to get closer or be charming, signs of tense restraint, or anything at all. And while some other vampires didn’t necessarily have those telltale signs, they were also usually someone who was more used to me, like Vil.

Even Lilia, Sebek, and Malleus, who were used to Silver at the very least, had felt the need to be near me, even if they’d hid it well by aggressively referring to me as ‘human’ or playing it all off as finding me amusing. And Leona, who’d also hidden his being affected rather well, had also lingered close to my person and, when I’d gotten injured and bled, had definitely been affected.

Outside of them, most other vampires had shown some signs of being affected even if they desperately tried to hide it.

Jack would inhale a little too deeply when I was close, his pupils dilating before his hands would clench into fists and he would force himself to stop. Kalim lingered too closely, and though that was partially just his personality, there was a glimmer to his eyes that had always made me suspect there was more to it than just that. And they were only two examples of the myriad of vampires I’d interacted with now.

But Idia didn’t show any such signs, and something told me he wasn’t such a good actor that he could hide all of them.

For one thing, I was fairly certain that no one, not even vampires, could control whether or not their pupils dilated. Rook and Epel certainly couldn’t, despite how ashamed Epel would sometimes look and the way Rook would sigh to himself slightly before shaking his head as if to clear it.

I watched as Idia fidgeted with something in his hands while I sat across from him. Feeling awkwardness seep into the atmosphere until it felt like it was thick enough to cut.

I shifted slightly before pasting on a winning smile and starting, doing my best to break the thick ice that I had decided was almost wholly made up of social anxiety and nervousness as well as a fair deal of confusion from myself.

“I’m sure you already know, but I’m currently working for the head-vampire of this district, Crowley,” I’d barely even finished before the young man’s motions had frozen as his eyes locked onto me, almost causing me to still as I took the time to really look at him.

Vil had told me that this man was supposedly cursed, but with what I had no clue. I could only assume it had something to do with the flaming hair, but that wasn’t the only odd thing about this man.

He had fangs, but not like most vampires did. Though I’d only just barely managed to see it from the few times he’d spoken in mumbled words, all of this man’s teeth seemed so sharp that they resembled something more along the lines of shark teeth.

I didn’t know if he was simply a different breed of vampire or something, but this man was most certainly not normal. Not even by vampire standards.

I inhaled, continuing under the weight of his amber yellow gaze, “Like Ortho said, I’m here to evaluate the Ignihyde clan, so I’ll be coming by every night.”

He tensed at my words, and then he spoke, his voice surprisingly level considering how nervous he’d sounded just moments ago as his eyes narrowed at me, “So we’re under suspicion regarding the rise in how many insane vampires there are around?”

I felt my eyes widen at his words, pointed and directly on the mark for what Sam had told me.

“I-”

He shifted, gesturing with one hand in a way that made it so that I could see that he’d been holding what looked like a phone this entire time, “Ortho said you were looking into the insane vampire issue, so you evaluating us must have something to do with that.”

I blinked, half-surprised by how quickly he’d put two and two together, even as I nodded slowly, “Yes… That is the purpose behind me evaluating the clans. Crowley wanted me to check all the clans and see if any specific one was at fault.”

I fell silent, pondering Crewel’s instructions and how pleased he was that I’d won over the Diasomnia clan.

Was I supposed to be doing something else as well that I hadn’t even been informed of? Was that why it sometimes felt like Sam was evaluating me rather than just leading me to each of the clans?

But if I was supposed to be winning over the clans, or at the very least making allies with them, then why? It made no sense for Crowley to want me, someone who didn't even bother hiding their dislike of him, to be friends with the clans that worked under him.

Sure, I wasn’t exactly planning a revolution or even getting revenge since I was more concerned with my survival and ensuring he didn’t bother anyone else close to me. But it still didn’t make any sense for him to want me to be winning over each of the clans.

“And now it’s our turn,” Idia’s words brought me back to the present, but he wasn’t asking a question. No, it was a statement, and a fairly bitter one at that.

Idia’s voice was impressively exhausted as he looked off to the side with an almost disgusted shake of his head.

It was obvious he wanted this to be over with as quickly as possible, and in some ways I supposed I couldn’t blame him. And this wasn’t the first time I’d gotten a more chilly reception anyway.

I would have to worry about whether or not I was supposed to be befriending the clans and their leaders later. Right now, I had an evaluation to handle and a less-than-friendly clan leader to deal with.

But, even with the suspicion hanging over this clan, I would treat them fairly. And to do that, the best thing I could do would be to let them know about Crowley’s suspicions.

I leaned forward, causing the man to look at me with a slight frown as I began speaking, “Sam told me that your clan is supposedly working on something.”

I stopped, looking at the young man across from me pointedly and earning myself a sigh as he shook his head, his eyes rolling slightly, “So that’s what this is really about.”

I frowned at his words, half wanting to object to the tone he took, but instead watching silently as he stood. He seemed to just keep going up as he straightened into a notably impressive height until he’d at last stopped, gazing down at me with a dull expression before he spoke, “Come on then. Let’s get this over with.”

I was almost wary as I stood before I started after him, walking in silence as we exited the dim room and re-entered the equally dark, long metal hallway that Ortho had guided me and Sam down not all that long ago.

We didn’t walk far, though, until Idia stopped next to a panel and pressed a few buttons.

And, despite the fact that the wall had been seemingly made of solid metal, a door slid open with a slight hiss that caused my eyes to widen in surprise.

There was a sound suspiciously similar to snicker, that had me looking over at Idia, who cleared his throat slightly before shifting to the side to reveal what looked distinctly like a mad scientist’s lab mixed with a tech room.

Within I could see Ortho flitting about as well as other people dashing around here and there. Pressing buttons, scribbling on paper, and moving bottles of unknown liquids that varied wildly in color.

I glanced over at Idia only for him to merely gesture through the door, presumably indicating I should enter.

I stepped quietly to the door, the only sound being my foot tapping against the ground, but apparently that was all it took.

All of them, every single person in the room, turned. Their eyes immediately latching onto my person and causing me to go still as Idia stepped in behind me and I heard the door shut once more, this time sealing me into the room.

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iveta777 · 10 months ago

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March,2021

This week I’ve been dealing with a serious mental breakdown. I was so overwhelmed in the beginning of the week and I couldn’t resist anymore. I was so disappointed by myself because I had so much stuff to be done; I tried so hard, man, I really tried so hard but I just couldn’t keep up with my schedule; I had slept less than 8 hours in total for the past 3 days; I didn’t feel well because I had a killing headache which wasn’t good because I wasn’t able to do my work. The result as you already know was the only one possible: mental breakdown. I cried for hours… I cried because of my own high expectations for me. I cried because as a perfectionist I wanted everything to be done on time. I cried because I tried and I was doing stuff these three days but the result… Well, there was no result. I had a list of tasks and nothing was marked as done which made me feel like I did nothing that past days. I cried because I was so tired, so overwhelmed, so exhausted. I cried because my soul cried. I wanted a break but I couldn’t get one because I had no time for that. I needed some free time, me time. I wanted to watch a movie, or watch a YouTube video, or paint, or write( I love writing…), or go out, or… just sleep. My body was tired, my soul was tired, I was tired…

After two or more hours of crying I felt like a new person. I was great. I was calm, empty, free. I was me again. And after that everything was great, too. I did everything I had planned for the past three days in less than five hours. I was happy. This day turned out to be my day because some really great things happened…

To be honest, this mental breakdown turned out to be something I needed because after that I realized some things.

To begin with, I have the best mother ever. I mean it’s not something I didn’t know but after that I have no doubt that it’s true. I tried to hide from her what was going on with me but as a parent at the moment she saw me she knew something was wrong. I tried to hide it from her but she made me tell her. Then she told me that I could and I would deal with everything, that she was proud of me, that everything was going to be alright. She asked no unnecessary questions, she just hugged me and stayed with me. She asked my father to buy me a chocolate bar and stayed with me for hours till she was sure that I was fine. She wanted to do so much more and I saw the pain in her eyes when she realized that there was nothing else she could help me with. But that was fine because she gave me more than I needed. I only needed support and a shoulder to cry on and she gave me peace and love. There was nothing else I could ask for.

Second, I realized that when I have hard time I don’t have do deal with it alone. I am used to hiding my emotions and keep my problems for me. I never talk about myself or the issues I have. But gosh it felt really nice when I shared my problems with her. She showed me that I am not alone (which is my greatest fear- to remain alone).

Third, I realized that everyone has hard times and I should not be afraid of it. I realized that keeping everything in me is not good for my health on first place. I realized that crying is okay. I realized that crying can free you from your problems, to make some space for you to see the world from different perspective, to help you find the solutions you are looking for and you are struggling to find.

Last one, I realized that putting yourself first doesn’t make you selfish and egoistic. To put yourself first means to make priority the most important person in your life-YOU. I’ve always been told that but I never believed it. I always tried to make my parents proud. I always tried to please everyone. But for 20 years I never asked myself what I REALLY want, what I need, I don’t even know what makes me happy, or sad, or what is my favorite color and do I even have a favorite color. I know so much about the other people and at the same time I know nothing about myself. But now I know… I know that I should put myself first and that there is nothing wrong about that. I know that first I should make sure that I feel great and then to try to help others because if I can’t help myself and I don’t take care of myself, how would I do that for the others???

To sum up, I realized that this mental breakdown was actually a good thing. It was something I needed. It made me realize some important stuff and to realize that if I take care of myself and I am fine, everything will be alright. Also, I realized that I am not alone and I have never been- I just made myself feel alone which is much worse than actually being alone…

I.A.A.

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indras-wife · 9 months ago

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hiii !!! I was wondering if I could request a yandere indra with a fem reader who smokes cigarettes? Maybe she grew up with a bad childhood, resulting her using cigarettes as a coping mechanism. I was wondering if you could make her be quite independent since she basically had to raise herself and she's quick to snap back at people whenever she doesn't get a cigarette since it contains nicotine to calm you down and makes you relaxed?

Also whenever the two would speak about their childhood, she would genuinely be quite surprised how it seemed a lot more normal than hers ? thank you !!!

This has to be one of the best requests I got anon! Indra has a very interesting woman to deal with it seems~ Two independent people... I wonder how this will go~✨👀 I was not sure whether you wanted modern or no, but I tried to write in a way that can suit both modern au and the anime era. Hope its okay with you sweetie(if no, let me know. I will write a separate one with the desired concept) 💖

A smoker darling...Indra never thought he would be so feral for such a woman. The way this woman presses the cigarette to her red pained lips, lights it, smokes and then looks at him with her jet black eyes as she puffs out the smoke, drives him to the edge.

He was first VERY VERY against the idea that his sweetheart is smoking. Not only because he hates the smell of burning nicotine, but also because women of inappropriate behavior are the ones smoking. In short, Indra thought of his darling being a prostitute upon their first interaction. Very judgmental of him, but this man has his opinions and he stick to them, as bad as they sound to others.

Surprisingly for him, as repellent as her smoking was, he was somehow enchanted by her. This man could not help himself but think of her every minute of his day. What was she doing now? Was she wearing her signature red lipstick? Was she smoking? Why was she smoking? Did she have a reason to smoke? The more he thought of her, the more possessive he became of a woman who he doesn't know well. However, later on, his obsessed ideas served the basis of their closeness.

When they got together, Indra was TRYING hard to persuade his darling to stop smoking. "The smell of nicotine gets stuck in your hair. I hate it. Stop smoking. Why are you even doing this?" Such sentences were being heard by his darling every day, 24/7, every hour of the day. At first she was laughing at him, not paying much attention to his rumbling and not giving him a definite reason for her habit but the more he spoke about it, she could not hide the reason for her smoking.

"This is just coping mechanism for me Indra. I smoke to relax and unwind" she explained, holding a cigarette between her delicate fingers. "I have been smoking since I was a teen, around 13 so its already something I got used to and cant change. Sorry"

Indra would just furrow his eyebrows at her explanation, feeling conflicted with many questions. Why was she smoking as a child? What made her smoke? Didn't her parent try to stop her? He had all the questions in the world ready for her, waiting for a moment to ask them.

His darling, defeated by his persistent nature(she found it hot nevertheless), agreed to reveal her reasonings, only if Indra promised to share about his childhood. Thinking he can escape, Indra agreed, not thinking much into it.

" My mom just gave birth to me, nothing else. She didn't raise me Indra. I did. I raised myself in the streets full of drug addicts, alcoholics, prostitutes and many other people who were shunned by everyone around them in their lives. The only thing that my mother did was beat me when I failed to get her the alcohol of her choice. Smoking helped me get through that depressive part of my life. I still have nightmares from my days of living in the streets so....smoking helps me cope with them.."

Indra was taken back by his darling's backstory. He was guessing something terrible happened that led her to this path of self-destruction, but he was not expecting for her story to be this...dark. He loved that his darling was independent, relying only on herself, but he had no idea that her childhood was the reason for that characteristic. Indra always acknowledge that his life was hellish, cruel and overall fucked up, but hers...Even worse than his!

He began to feel more sympathetic towards her and her smoking habits. Of course, he would not fully tolerate it, but he would stop driving her mad with requiring her to stop smoking.

He has some...unsuccessful attempts at trying to stop her smoking. He would sometimes snatch the cigarettes from her lips and drop it to the ground. He would steal her cigarette packs and burn them without her seeing, and when his darling would ask if he has seen her cigarettes he would just give a short "no". Of course his darling could instantly figure his doings, but most of the time she would not speak.

His darling, however, snapped one day at him for doing his usual "stop-her-from-smoking" routine. On that particular day (the day her mother died), she was feeling more anxious, so her only thought was to smoke. She picked a cigarette out of her pocket, but it was snatched away in an instant. Her eyes met with Indra's who was towering over her with a warning glare. His darling was not in the mood for his usual tactics so she just pushed him away hard and run off somewhere to smoke in peace. Indra tried to go after her but failed.

In the end, surprisingly, his darling introduced smoking to Indra, seeing how stressed he was from his duties. This was now something he couldn't live without and he both blamed his darling and thanked her.

He would not let her smoke with anyone else after he also got in the rabbit hole. Seeing his darling smoke was HOT and he was too possessive to let any other man see her. His darling didn't mind this and was in fact enjoying his possessive side.

These two would have silent "dates" where they would stand in the balcony of the house, smoke and look at the stars above them. A very romantic date indeed~

#indra otsutsuki #otsutsuki indra #大筒木インドラ #indra #indra x reader #indra otsutsuki headcanons #indra uchiha #yandere indra otsutsuki #indraotsutsuki #indra x y/n #yandere x reader

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thewildomega · 3 months ago

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Faded Name (Zeff x Reader) Ch.4

Taking the tray of main courses out to the table in the back you gave them a large smile as you called out each plate and gently placed it down before each of them. Hearing them bid you a thanks and quickly go about speaking how wonderful everything looked and smelled you smiled more and after making sure there was nothing more they all needed and everything was to their liking you turned and headed back for the kitchen.

Feeling something strange you slowed your steps and attempted to glance around the restaurant in a casual way. Not seeing anything at first you began to chalk it up to just being tired, today had been your fourth day trying out the position of server after you had finally talked Zeff into allowing you to pull your own weight. Just thinking back on the late night conversation made you blush and have to bite your lip in order to hide your giggle.

……………………………

“No.” he answered as he moved to pull her up from the couch and lead her to the bed for the third time this week.

“But why? I know I have never done it before but I have been watching everyone else and I even practiced balancing plates and bowls on a tray and I did not drop one. I’m sure I could learn very quickly. I promise I will work hard and try my hardest not to mess up or embarrass you.”

Stopping mid step he turned and looked down at her to see those sea blue eyes staring up at him, pleading with him. “Darling I am not worried about you embarrassing me, you could never. I don’t want you servin’ because people can be extremely rude to servers, among other things. Chefs normally don’t ‘ave to deal with any backtalk but servers do. If something is wrong with a dish or drink or anything they won’t care that you didn’t cook it they will still yell at you for it. And do you honestly think I would allow someone to talk to you like that, that I wouldn’t kick someone’s teeth in for simply looking in your direction in a way that is anything but respectful.”

Seeing him step up to stand directly in front of you, having to drop your head nearly all the way back to just look up at him, you licked your lips. “I just want to help.”

Letting out a sigh he wrapped his arms around her, “I know you do sweetheart.”

Thinking of something you grinned up at him and tilted your head, “You do keep telling me I need to learn to be more affirmative and stick up for myself.”

Chuckling he smiled a little as he looked down into those sparkling eyes. “That I do.” Seeing the pleading and softness on her face he shut his eyes. “Fine. You can start tomorrow, but only a few tables and if anyone gives you any trouble you let me know immediately.”

Smiling so big your face hurt you quickly, without thinking, did the first thing your heart was telling you to do. Rising up onto the tips of your toes you pressed your lips to his. All too quickly though you realized what it was you were doing and gasped before pulling back and snapping your eyes down to the floor. Your heart was now hammering in your chest and you quickly muttered out an apology, wishing the floor would open up and swallow you whole.

Stunned? Shocked? Blissfully surprised, that was it, that was the best way to describe the way he felt. Just standing there for a moment he blinked and tried to recall the feeling of her lips on his but it happened too quickly. Hearing her apologize he snapped his eyes down and saw her head bowed as her shoulders began to curl up.

“I’m so sorry. I..I wasn’t thinking. I… please forgive me..” Not knowing what else to do you turned and quickly made a beeline for the bathroom door, wanting nothing more than to hide away but before you could get more than a step away he was grabbing your wrist and spinning you back around. You had been expecting him to yell out an insult to you for your forwardness or even worse to fill his hand, however it was not pain that you felt but the warmth of his lips on yours.

Pressing his lips to hers softly he felt her stiff at first and wondered if he should pull away but all too soon he felt her relax. If his lips weren’t already occupied he would be smiling. Lifting his free hand to her face he pushed it up into her hair, his fingers threading through the soft strands as he cupped the back of her head. Releasing her wrist in favor of wrapping his right arm around her waist so he could hold her to his chest.

You could feel the slight scratch of his mustache but quickly welcomed it. There could be no better feeling than this, that you were sure of. How could there be? The man you had been hoping to find your entire life, your soulmate was holding you, kissing you. Never before had you felt so at peace, so safe than you did in his arms. And he was being so gentle, well he always was but even now he seemed to be holding you like you were made of glass. This kiss was so unlike the two you had shared with Johnathan.

Ending the kiss when they both required air he kept his eyes closed for a moment before he cracked them open to gauge her reaction, wanting to make sure he had not pushed her. Finding her own eyes closed and a peaceful look on her face he grinned. Acting quickly before she could react he pressed his lips to hers once more as he bent enough to scoop her up into his arms. Carrying her to the bed he laid her in it, balancing on his knee that he placed on the bed beside her. Breaking from the kiss once more he saw her a bit unsure and easily guessed what she was worried about. Stroking her cheek with the hand that wasn’t holding him up he stared down into those beautiful eyes of hers. “Goodnight darling.” Pressing his lips to her forehead he pulled the blanket over her and stood.

Watching him walk to the couch once he had put out the lamp you felt a warmth flood your heart. “Goodnight Zeff.”

………………………………

Smiling to yourself you gave a smile and glanced towards the window to look outside but as you did so you caught sight of two black eyes watching you and gasped. All too soon realization came to the highly dressed man’s eyes and you could only bow your head before quickly making your way towards the kitchen.

“Was everything to their liking little d… What’s wrong?” he questioned once he saw her slightly pale face. Moving the pan he was currently tossing off the heat he limped over towards her. “Y/n what’s wrong?”

Quickly trying to shake the worry off you gave a shake of your head and looked up into his worried storm cloud eyes. “Oh Um. Sorry. Yes th..they said everything looked and smelled amazing.” Going to place the tray down and grab a pitcher of iced water you felt Zeff take hold of your arms and pull you back in front of him.

“Are you feeling alright, you’re pale.”

Swallowing hard, you blinked and gave a nod. “Yes just ah, just a little light headed is all. I’m fine, I promise.” You wouldn’t tell him about Johnathan’s business partner that was currently dining just outside of this room, not wanting to cause a scene or bother him in any way.

Knitting his brows he placed the back of his hand to her cheek and then forehead. She did feel a little warm. Humming he lifted his chin. “Go upstairs and lie down. I’ll have Sanji bring you up some tea in a bit.”

“Really Zeff I’m fine I…” Shaking your head you looked up to him as you spoke but he only gave you a stern look.

“No. Go on, go rest. I’ll come up and check on you later.”

As he pressed a chaste kiss to your temple you could only sigh and do as he said, turning and making your way up the stairs and to his room.

……………………………

By nightfall you had come back down for the day and thankfully Johnathan’s partner was no longer there. Helping with the clean up as the kitchen began the end of the night tasks you saw Sanji walking out of the kitchen with a rag and spray bottle, no doubt going to start wiping down tables. Bringing in a tray full of empty dishes you caught some of the men's conversation and blinked in surprise.

“…I’m tellin’ you, she is supposedly the best one around. Heard a bunch of men talking about her now. They say she’s friendly and willing to do just about anything. Oh and to top it all off I hear she’s got the biggest tits in all of the east blue.”

“Yea and I bet she charges a right pretty berry too.”

“Well if she is as good as everyone says she is then it’s probably worth it. I don’t care how much she charges when we go to restock this week, I'm booking her. Been a long time since I’ve had a good fuc…”

“Oi!”

Keeping your eyes down as you placed the tray down so you could stack the dishes by the sink to be washed you heard the two men’s words quickly die off as Zeff called out, just now noticing you had walked in. It was not the first time you had heard the men speaking about such things but they had not known you could hear them from where you were.

“Oh Y/n. Sorry, didn't see you there.”

Lifting your eyes to the two you gave a small smile. “It’s okay.”

“Say you’re from the Frauce Kingdom ain’t ya Y/n?”

Grabbing a cloth to wipe off the tray you looked at the two as you spoke “Yes.”

“Know anything about that bar on the south side, one with the women for hire?”

Feeling your face flush you heard as Zeff went to scold the man but you quickly licked your lips to speak, not wanting the conversation to be forced to change simply because you were here. If anything you wanted the opposite. Never in your life had you been openly included in anything and you hoped that here you would have a chance to feel like you belonged. “Only that it stays pretty busy, or at least it looked that way the few times I walked by it.”

Surprised she had responded, he raised a brow and continued with his cooking while listening in on the conversation at hand.

“See, told ya! It’s her that the place is so busy for.” Hank spoke with a smile as he nudged Dez’s elbow with his. “I’m telling you that is the first place I’m going as soon as we dock, you all won’t see me until we are leaving. That woman is getting all of my money.” he laughed.

Noticing how the only female on the crew had turned a bright shade of red and winced at the man’s words, Patty huffed out and smacked the man with his towel as he passed. “Would you give it a rest, I’m pretty sure Y/n doesn’t want to hear how desperate you are to get your rocks off with some escort.”

“If anything you owe her an apology for making her uncomfortable from listening to your filth” Carne added.

“It’s alright I.. I know that it is an occupation and it has a steady flow of customers. I just…well I don’t understand why any woman would choose that as a profession when it means they will have to be subjected to pain just to make a living.” Caught off guard when the whole kitchen turned deathly silent, all eyes now looking to you, you swallowed hard.

“Pain? Now I ain’t all vanilla in the sheets but I promise you there ain’t gonna be no pain.” Hank said with a shake of his head, being the first to speak and making sure his coworkers and especially his boss knew he was by no means harming someone in that manner.

Seeing everyone still looking at you, including those sky blue eyes, you began feeling smaller, maybe they just did not understand what you meant. “W..well not for you of course you’re a man but for a woman…” Not really knowing what else to say you watched as all eyes slowly turned to look at the head chef. Slowly lifting your eyes to that of your soulmate you saw his face hard, his brows sinking lower before he dropped the pan he had been tossing onto the flame and turned to walk out of the room, the only word he spoke being Patty’s name in what you guessed to be a order to take over the cooking.

Just standing there for a moment you watched as everyone slowly went back to what they were doing, none of them looking back to you. Curling in on yourself you felt tears of both embarrassment and regret fill your eyes. Quickly moving over to the sink to start washing dishes you kept your back to everyone else as you lost yourself in scrubbing plates and any pot or pan set beside you.

…………………………….

Washing all of the dishes tonight you kept your head down, turning your head slightly away if anyone came near. You weren’t sure if they knew you were crying but if they did they thankfully said nothing. Once you were done with the dishes you quickly helped wipe down everything else in the kitchen before heading out to clean up outside. Zeff had not returned since he left, you didn’t know where he was but in all honesty you hoped to avoid him right now.

Taking your time cleaning, wiping each chair individually,, you hung your head low as you thought about everything that had happened. You had not meant to speak out of turn, or make everyone feel awkward or whatever it was you had done wrong. You didn’t even really understand what it was that you had said, surely it was common knowledge. It wasn’t like you were speaking badly on any of them or their needs. You knew men had needs, you had been reminded as much every time Johnathan expected intimacy from you and you tried to deny his advantages. Maybe they just simply did not want to be reminded of it. Whatever it was you would have to apologize and hope they all forgave you. So much for fitting in. You would be lucky if any of them tried to include you in a conversation again. And as for Zeff… Feeling a tear roll down your cheek you closed your eyes and crawled across the deck to the next chair. Well you were sure you had upset him, embarrassed him. You would have to work extra hard on making it up to him. You had never seen him so angry looking. And just when you thought the two of you were beginning to deepen your relationship you go and ruin it.

Sighing out as you finished the last chair you looked up and realized just how late it had gotten, all the lights out and all the ships were gone. Giving a small stretch you heard your stomach let out a small growl, you had not eaten since lunch, not having time for anything once a large rush had come in. Maybe you could find something small for the night before you headed up to shower and go to bed. Making sure the deck was all in order you slowly walked towards the kitchen door, shutting it quietly behind you. Dropping the rag into the dirty bin you moved to grab an apple when you heard voices coming from the bar and stopped, recognizing one of the voices as Zeff and then quickly picking up Patty’s.

“…I don’t think she was making it up…”

“…you don’t think he…”

“That is exactly what I think.”

“But that would mean…”

“Yea.”

“Well damn. So what are you going to do now?”

Hearing Zeff let out a heavy sigh, you bit your lip.

“I don’t know…I wasn’t expecting her to be this fucking damaged when I went and picked her up.”

“Ain’t her fault Zeff.”

“I know it’s not but …damn if it doesn’t make you wonder if having a soulmate is a blessing or a curse.”

Feeling a gasp get caught in your throat you had to quickly cover your mouth so they wouldn’t hear the sob that was trying to escape your lips. Backing up the whole way to the stairway you turned and as quickly and silently as you could made your way up to his room and into his bathroom. Turning on the shower you tossed your clothes to the floor before stepping in the scolding spray and finally allowing your cries to leave you. Sinking down to the floor you covered your mouth still so no one would hear as your body shook with sobs.

He didn’t want you, not really. He was realizing that now. You knew he wouldn’t, how could he? You weren’t good at anything, weren’t of any use to him. You had no talents and barely had any people skills. While you were trying to learn he should not have to take the time out of his day to teach you, Sanji was one thing but you, you were a grown woman. You were a burden to him, like you were everyone. Jonathan was right, you were nothing and you were always going to be nothing.

……………………………………

“So what are you going to do?”

“Keep caring for her. Help her heal from all the fucking damage those ignorant bastards caused.”

“And that husband of hers?”

“I’m going to take care of him once we get to Frauce, he’ll never harm a woman again, especially not mine.” he huffed out as he finished off his drink. Standing he saw Patty take the glasses to wash. Bidding the man a goodnight he held tight to the bar as he made his way up the stairs, a little more unsteady on his foot from the drinks. Opening his door quietly since he was sure she was asleep he went to lay down on the couch when he noticed it already occupied. Sighing out he dropped his head back, this again? Looking down at her he blinked. He didn’t think it was wise to lift her up in the state he was in, the last thing he wished to do was drop her. While he had not allowed her to sleep on the couch every other time she had gone to take it he knew this time he had no choice. Just tonight then. Pulling the blanket up her shoulder and stroking her hair he moved to the bed that he had not slept in in close to two months. At least his back would thank him. Maybe soon they would be able to sleep in it together, but not until she was ready.

…………………………

Quickly placing the next table’s order on the tray you kept your eyes down as you lifted it up and made your way back out into the dining room. Once that table was taken care of you made your round of refilling drinks and whipping off the tables that had just been cleared of dishes by Sanji. You were exhausted but you wouldn’t stop, you couldn’t because if you did then it would give your mind time to torture you.

“Hey watch it there hun.”

Hearing Zeff’s voice from the kitchen caused a clenching to spread through your heart and you licked your lips before quickly finishing up. While your more rational side tried to tell you that The Baratie had been busy all day and that was the reason he had not said anything to you, your broken heart only assured your doubts from last night. And try as you might to keep busy and not to think about it you were failing and with every exit from the kitchen you made without a reassuring glance from the head chef only served as another stab through the heart.

Seeing a man and woman dressed to the nines sit down you moved to place up the cleaning supplies. Glancing down at yourself to make sure you looked presentable, you tucked a strand of hair behind your ear and moved towards them, having to quickly stop when one of the men from a large rowdy group threw out his hands, spilling some of his drink on your top.

“Oh I’m sorry.” you quickly apologized, looking down to the man to make sure none of the drink had spilt on him as well.

Looking up at the waitress the man’s smile widened as he noticed how the woman’s now wet top stuck to her skin. “Ain’t no problem there sugar, what do you say about offerin’ me a pretty smile and we’ll call it even.”

Taken aback by his comment you quickly noticed him staring at your breasts and shrunk up some.

“Or she could just look where she was going.” the woman that was with them huffed out.

Becoming embarrassed you licked your lips and dipped your head. “I..I’m sorry sir I’ll bring you another drink.” Quickly walking to the kitchen you grabbed a rag to dry yourself off as much as possible.

“What happened?”

Snapping your eyes up when that all too familiar voice spoke you saw those two sky blue eyes looking down at you. Quickly recalling what had happened you snapped your eyes down and swallowed hard. “I.. I bumped into a customer’s hand.”

“This is their drink then?” he asked, seeing the red liquid soaked into her top.

You had messed up again. Licking your lips you gave a small nod, “Yes. I’m sorry i..it was an acci…”

“Hey chef, that couple that just sat down is asking for you to come out and speak to them. The guy is a Marine vice admiral and says he wants to make sure he and his date get the best.” Patty spoke.

Sighing out he looked back down to the woman in front of him who had yet to meet his eyes. Seeing her shoulders curled up he knit his brows, she had been acting off all day and he could feel a constant ache in his chest. He had been waiting for a slow moment to talk to her but they had not had a single second to spare all day. “Go change, we'll talk about it later.”

With a quick nod you quickly hurried up the stairs towards his room so you would hopefully not annoy him anymore than you already were. Feeling a tear roll down your cheek you quickly brushed it away. There was no time for that, you had to hurry up and change so you could get back to work.

Once you had cleaned up you moved back to the kitchen to see Zeff hard at work. Making the man who’s drink had spilt a new glass of wine you carried it out to him, “Here you go sir, again I am so sorry for before.”

“Well damn baby had I known you were going to take that top off I would have gladly offered to help ya.” he spoke and heard the men at his table burst out in laughter making his smile widen.

Shocked by his statement but not really knowing what to say you dipped your head and moved away from the table. Feeling your heartbeat rise and your hands shaking you took a few breaths before moving towards the couple that had been sat from before. “Hello and welcome to The Baratie has your drink order been taken?” You spoke with a forced smile, looking at the man dressed in a white uniform and the woman in a whitish silver gown..

“Yes it has, by the Head Chef so we don’t need to speak to the help.” The woman spoke, looking down her nose at the waitress.

Feeling your brow twitch and your smile falter, you licked your lips. “Oh um… okay. Well my name is Y/n so if the two of you need anything just…”

“We will now shoo.”

Blinking you gave a small nod and grin before slowly walking away. Gripping your hands together to stop them from shaking you heard one of the tables along the back call for you before you took a deep breath and headed their way.

……………………………….

Carrying the tray with dirty dishes on it to the sink you heard Zeff call out the order was ready and moved over to him. Chancing a glance into those eyes you could get lost in, you saw them serious and swallowed thickly.

“This is for that vice Admiral and the woman he’s with. He got the Kobe tenderloin with the asparagus and she got it with the squash. Make sure everything is to their liking before you leave the table. Damn sure better be that’s the most expensive dish I make and I don’t have anymore Kobe beef on ship.” Seeing her snap her eyes down and nod he knit his brows. “You alright darlin’?”

Blinking at hearing his voice soften, at hearing the concern there you slowly looked up at him and felt this tugging in your heart, this yearning. His eyes were now looking down at you in what you came to believe was a caring way. Maybe he was giving you another chance. Taking a shaky breath you licked your lips. “I..I’m sorry…about what I said la..last night.” you spoke in a whisper. Wanting to assure him that you had not meant any harm and that you would not do it again.

Realizing what she meant he stood tall and let out a breath. Closing his eyes and giving a small shake of his head he went to speak but was cut off by the clatter of a pan.

“You fucking dope, I told you the damn thing was still hot. “

Looking up to see this annoyed look on his face once more you dropped your eyes down and swallowed hard. Without a word you lifted the tray and carefully moved towards the door out to the dining room. Why did you even bring it up? You should have just told him everything was fine. It was obvious he had been having a bad day and you just went and reminded him of how broken you were. What if he had been willing to forget it and then you had… Feeling something kick out at your ankle you gasped and in what seemed like slow motion you were falling, the plates you were carrying flying up before you landed hard on the floor. You could hardly focus on the pain from where your chin had hit the floor as the sound of dishes clattering and a scream filled the dining room.

“You clumsy bitch!” the marine vice admiral yelled.

“Ahh you little whore! You ruined my new dress!”

Slowly pushing yourself up from the floor you fearfully raised your eyes up to the horrible scene in front of you. The couple’s food was both on them and the floor, from the looks of it something had knocked over the wine bottle which had spilt all over the front of the woman's dress. You could even make out a bit of squash in her hair. Your heart was hammering in your chest so hard you could feel it in your throat and ears. Feeling everyone in the dining room’s eyes on you as well as picking up on the snickering of the woman behind you you felt tears fill your eyes. “I…I’m so sorry I…”

“What the bloody hell is goin’…”

Hearing Zeff’s thunderous voice yell out across the room you could feel your heart drop to your stomach as his words died off. The thunk of his peg leg coming closer to you seemed to make your blood turn to ice in your veins. As you forced your eyes up his flesh leg and wooden one you saw shock on his face as well as a look you were all too familiar with, one you had seen on your parents and every other person in your life before, disappointment. You were sure that being shot directly in the heart had to feel something like this and all too soon tears were pouring from your eyes and down your cheeks. “I…”

“Do you see what that pathetic waitress of yours did?! I demand she be fired! Why would you even have someone as useless as her working here?!”

Feeling like you couldn't breathe, you could only mumble out one apology after another. As your stomach began to toss and flip you quickly pushed yourself up from the floor, only slightly gasping out at the sharp pain in your palm, you rushed to the outside door and across the deck to the bathroom. Hurrying in the stall you hunched over the toilet just in time to empty what little filled your stomach. There wasn’t much considering you had not found it in you to eat today but you had been sipping on some water throughout the day. Sobbing out you fell to your knees and then against the side of the stall. Feeling a sharp pain in your heart you cried and cried, sure that if Zeff hadn’t wanted you gone before he sure did now. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” you sobbed to the empty room.

…………………………………..

Pulling a long, thin piece of porcelain from your hand that was no doubt from one of the plates you broke, you started to clean the wound as best as you could along with the cut on your chin from where you had fallen before giving up. It wasn’t like it mattered anyway. If anything you were sure you deserved it, punishment for your mistake. You couldn’t even look at yourself in the mirror, not wanting to see the pathetic woman looking back at you. Staring down at the sink as you stood there you felt this numbness taking over your whole body, well everywhere but your heart which felt like it was shattering into tiny microscopic pieces.

There was no coming back from this, you knew that. He had said you were broken last night, that having a soulmate wasn’t worth the trouble. You had woken up this morning at least in the mindset that you could prove somewhat useful to him, even if it was nothing more than a worker at his restaurant but you had managed to fuck even that up. How was it even possible to be this much of a screw up? Was there nothing you could do right? Closing your eyes you felt more tears roll down your cheeks. You already knew the answer to that, you had for a long time now and you had been a fool to try and kid yourself into hoping that they had all been wrong.

Hearing a soft knock you took a deep shaky breath in and turned to walk over to the door. You had been hiding in here for no doubt hours now, it was time to accept what you knew was coming. Reaching out for the handle you turned it down and stared at the floor as you opened the door. To your surprise there were two shoes there before you and small ones at that. Raising your eyes up to look into the worried blue eyes of Sanji you blinked and raised your hand to brush away the tears from your cheeks.

“I’ve been waiting for you to come out. I didn’t mean to rush you or anything I was just, well I was getting worried about you.”

“I’m sorry for worrying you Sanji.” you spoke in a hoarse whisper.

“Y/n you're bleeding, are you okay?” he asked as he took notice of the bloody cut on the underside of the woman’s chin that had blood staining some of her neck.

Opening your mouth to speak you closed it back and simply looked behind him. Seeing the sky dark you swallowed hard. “Z..zeff?” you questioned, just the sound of his name coming from your lips causing your heart to clench.

“He went ashore a couple hours ago, said he had some things to take care of.” he told her and could have swore he saw more tears well up in her sad looking eyes. “He told me to help you, said to keep an eye on you while he was gone.”

Nodding your head slowly you looked back to the boy, forcing your tears back for a moment you licked your lips. “What still needs to be done?”

Shaking his head and waving his hands he quickly spoke. “Nothing, really everything is done. Patty told me to leave you alone and that you would come out when you were ready but I was worried since you had been in here so long and everybody else had already gone to bed.”

“I’m sorry for keeping you up.” you told him, dropping your head. “I’m fine, you go ahead to bed.”

“But Zeff told me to…”

“Really Sanji I’m fine, you go ahead to bed.”

“Will you at least let me walk you to your room, that way I know you are really okay. If Zeff finds out I left you to sleep in the bathroom all night he’s gonna kick me into next week.” Seeing her curl up and look unsure he gave her a small smile. “Please, I won’t be able to sleep knowing you are still down here by yourself.”

Not wanting to cause the boy anymore worry you sighed and gave a nod. It was best you were waiting there when Zeff came back anyway. He shouldn’t have to fish you out of the woman’s bathroom just so he could tell you he no longer wanted you.

Slowly making your way up the stairs and down to the room at the end of the hall you reached out to open the door, sure that this would be the last time you were permitted inside. Taking a deep breath you turned back to the little boy you had come to care for, wishing you had more time to get to know him. “Thank you Sanji. For always being so kind and helpful to me.”

“You don’t have to thank me Y/n, we’re friends and that’s what friends do right?” he smiled.

Feeling another sharp pain in your heart you stifled your trembling lip and looked into those oddly familiar blue eyes as you gave a pained smile and nod. Once he had left you on your own you had slowly closed the door and turned around to look over the room you had felt more at home in than either of those expensive mansions you had lived in before. While no there was nothing in the room you owned other than the clothes and book Zeff had bought you it was so much more inviting and comforting.

Licking your lips you took in a shaky breath as you moved over to the dresser and began taking out everything that was ‘yours’. There wasn’t much but what you did have you placed back into the red paper bag that it had all been brought here in. Maybe Zeff would be gratuitous enough to allow you to keep them. If not well then at least they would be all packed up and out of his way. Placing it by the foot of the bed for now you glanced to the couch where you had slept last night and then back to the bed. Biting your lip in thought you turned off the oil lamp before slowly walking over to the bed and laying down. Closing your eyes you breathed in the scent of him and yet again felt more tears pour from your eyes.

……………………………

Zeff still was not back when you woke the next morning so you had chosen to simply help out wherever you were needed until he got back. Carne had quickly pulled you to the side to tend to your chin when he had noticed your injury.

“You should have said something last night, this needed stitching, your hand as well. Could’ve given you something for the pain as well. ” he scolded the woman who only sat on the stool with her sad eyes cast down.

“I deserve it.” you mumbled out.

Knitting his brows at how completely broken she sounded he glanced over to his friend and saw Patty also looking concerned for the only female on ship. The woman had barely spoken the last two days and while they knew something was wrong they figured it was none of their business and Zeff would handle it.

“And why on earth would you think that?” Patty asked as he worked on the desert he was making for the day.

“I messed up again.”

“Y/n everybody messes up sometimes…”

“They were important customers, Zeff told me how expensive their dishes were, not one Kobe beef but two.” you spoke in a hoarse voice as you tried to keep from crying once more. Shaking your head you sniffled. “I should have walked around, I knew the woman didn’t like me, I should have seen the kick coming, should have moved out of the way…”

Straightening up Patty placed down the bowl he had been mixing and moved over closer to the woman and his friend. “Wait. Hold on a second, what do you mean you should have seen the kick coming? Who’s kick? What woman?”

Lifting your other hand up to wipe your eyes you gestured towards the dining room. “The woman sitting with those rowdy men, she kept glaring at me and making little comments when the men wouldn't leave me alone. I didn’t mean to upset her, I didn’t even say anything back to them or anything, I just ignored them.”

“And this woman, she kicked you, you said?” Carne asked with a raised brow.

Nodding you lifted your pants leg a little to show them the scratch from where the side of her heel had scraped against your ankle. “When I walked by with the tray of food. I didn't see her do it so I couldn’t react in time.” Shaking your head you sniffled again, “I should have just taken the long way around.” “I made Zeff look bad, ruined his food and reputation. He has every right to no longer want me.” You spoke before a sob forced its way out of your throat. You didn’t want to cry in front of them but the pain in your heart was too severe.

Sharing a look with his friend Patty shook his head and placed his hand on her shoulder. “Y/n, Zeff…” Cut off by the sound of the walk board being dropped down on deck he took a deep breath and gave the woman a soft smile. “You know what that is probably him right now. So here is what we are going to do. You are going to go wash your face up real quick and I am going to let Zeff tell you what he really thinks about you.”

“But I…”

“No, no buts, now you go ahead and go to the bathroom really quick, you got tears tracks all down your cheeks and those pretty eyes of yours are all red.” Patty told her with a grin before she finally relented and walked out the door and towards the bathroom. Taking a deep breath he turned to look at Carne. “I don’t care how tough that man wants to seem he is going to have a deep conversation with her if I have to steal that peg leg of his to keep him from running away.”

“I’ll get the rope.” Carne smiled. Hearing the door open they both turned to address their boss but before either of them could mutter a word something struck both of them so hard they were rendered unconscious.

…………………………….

Making sure your face was clean and your hair in place you took a few deep breaths before opening the door and heading towards the kitchen once more. Attempting to be hopeful that the guys were right and Zeff did not in fact hate you, you smiled softly and looked up but when you did the smile quickly fell from your face.

“Y/n Havlock?”

“I am Y/n yes. C..can I help you?” you asked, stating your first name but not your marital one. You did not know the five men dressed in black suits but hearing your husband’s surname you easily guessed they were not good people.

“Your husband has sent us to collect you.” the one spoke.

Feeling your breath catch in your throat you shook your head and stepped back. “No, there has been some kind of mistake…”

“There is no mistake madam. He was informed of your location last night and instructed us to come and bring you to him.”

Last night? Wait did that mean..had Zeff told him where you were? Had that been where he had gone? Was he giving you back to Johnathan? Shaking your head once more you looked at the man that was slowly moving towards you and swallowed hard. “No. I will not go. I refuse to go back to that monster.”

“Miss I have to insist that you…” the one spoke, following after her as she continued to back up.

“Oh just grab her so we can hurry this up.”

Going to run you felt two strong arms go around your waist and pull. Snapping your eyes to the kitchen you felt a lump form in your throat at the silhouetted figure standing in the kitchen. “Zeff?! Zeff please, I’ll clean, I’ll do anything you want! Please don’t make me go back to him, please!” Sobbing out you tried hitting and kicking, scratching and begging but the man only let out a groan and tightened his hold on you. “Zeff! I’m sorry, I don’t mean to keep messing up, I swear I’ll try harder I’ll…”

“Oh enough of this.” Hitting the woman in the temple with the butt of his pistol he watched as she fell limp in his coworkers hold, finally shutting up. “Now hurry up and get her on the ship.” he spoke and saw the man lift her body over his shoulder before making their way back to the ship. “Brittan!” he yelled and saw the man walk out of the kitchen door, only stopping to say something to the kid they had tied up.

“You think the kid will talk?”

“Who cares if he does, we’ll be long gone by the time they wake up.” was all he said before they all boarded the ship and made way for Frauce.

……………………………

Seeing all the lights out as he docked the small boat beside his restaurant he knit his brows. It was too early for everyone to be sleeping. Lifting one of the bags of rice onto his shoulder before reaching down to grab the bouquet of flowers he walked towards the employee entrance and stiffened when he found the door locked. Now he knew something was wrong. Taking out the ring of keys from his pocket he quickly unlocked the door and what he saw made him drop the bag of rice and flowers to the floor and hurry over to the group of men who were lying unmoving on the floor. “Patty! Carne!” he yelled and saw both men begin to stir, relief filling him when he realized they weren’t dead.

Hearing a muffled noise he limped over to the pantry door that had a stool jammed up against the knob. Yanking the stool away he opened the door and saw Sanji laying on the floor bound tightly in ropes with a gag tied around his mouth. Kneeling down he pulled his knife and cut the boy free. “The fuck happen here?!” he asked as he sat the boy up, noticing he had a right nasty bruise by his lip that was bleeding.

“Aw my beating head.” Carne groaned as he stood, holding both sides of his head in his hands.

“Wha…”

“Where’s Y/n?!” Sanji yelled as he pushed past the head chef, running outside to look before hurrying up stairs.

Snapping his eyes to the two he saw them both confused and felt his heart thump in his chest. Pushing himself to stand he limped towards the stairway where he could hear the boy yelling out Y/n’s name.

“Zeff, they took her!” Those goons in the suits they took Y/n!” Sanji yelled as he hurried back down the steps.

“What do you mean they took her?!” he yelled, feeling his heart hammer in his chest.

“Those guys that were on the ship, the ones that tied me up and threw me in the pantry. Don’t know how many but I saw at least four of ‘em. I could hear her screaming, crying. She didn’t want to go, she was calling for you, saying things.”

“What things? What did she say?” he questioned hoping he would get an idea on who had taken his soulmate.

“She was apologizing, saying she didn’t mean to keep messing up. She said she would clean, do whatever you wanted so long as you didn’t make her go back to him.” he told the man and saw something he had never seen on his face, heartbreak, fear and then a blazing anger.

Gritting his teeth so hard he could have sworn he heard one crack he made his way up the stairs and quickly grabbed his captain's coat and the small sword he had stashed away. Sheathing it in his belt he headed towards the door to his room. “You three keep an eye on The Baratie, if I ain’t back within the next three days move on.” he told them as he moved to one of the empty boats they had. Rowing as quickly as he could he narrowed his eyes on the island, feeling a strong pulling in his heart. “I’m comin’ for ya sweetheart.”

#one piece fanfiction #soulmate au #soulmate #triggering content #one piece zeff #red leg zeff #red leg zeff x oc #red leg zeff x reader #feedback would be appreciated

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