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alvojake · 5 months ago

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The Murder House | Pt. Three

𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕/𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒓𝒐 | 𝒑𝒕. 𝒐𝒏𝒆 | 𝒑𝒕. 𝒕𝒘𝒐 | 𝒑𝒕. 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒆𝒆 | 𝒆𝒑𝒊𝒍𝒐𝒈𝒖𝒆

「synopsis」 : everything seems to be going downhill at a rapid pace and nothing is going right and you've already suffered the loss of two friends, but the mastermind behind this doesn't seem to be satisfied just yet. another test is throw your way but things are starting to become more clear and you're realizing that the culprit has been with you the whole time... but will you be able to stop him and escape this hell house with your lives intact?

「word count」 : 10.5k

「genre」 : horror/thriller, gore, angst, psychological thriller, mystery

「warnings」 : MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!!!, cussing, even more 'games', blood, violence, gore, gun goes pew pew, poisoning, betrayal, gaslighting, familial issues, mentions of abuse (mental & physical), knife goes stabby, threats, death, obsessive/stalker-ish behavior, mental health disorders, even more betrayal, traumatic events, police, pls lmk if I missed any!

“Riki, seriously, now is not the time for pranks; where are you?” You called out, eyes searching every inch of the room, but there was no sign of the boy anywhere. “Riki!” Your voice cracked as you tried to keep the tears in your eyes at bay.

Jay released his hold on your arm before walking over to the door to check and see if, by some miracle, it was unlocked. Though just as he had thought, it was locked tight, not a chance that it would open unless unlocked. Sighing, he backed away from it before looking around the room.

A soft click caught the silver-haired male's attention. However, you were too busy calling out for your brother in hopes that he was just playing some kind of prank on you. Jay watched as a door off to the side started to open, the sight making the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. His feet seemed to have a mind of their own as he started to make his way to the door.

“Y/n.” He called out to you, causing your head to whip over in his direction, hoping that he had found some clue as to where your brother had been taken. Then you realize that that wasn’t the reason that he had called out to you.

“Jay, I swear to god, if you tell me to calm down, I will lose my shit.” You hissed, heart hammering in your chest. The last thing you needed was for him to dismiss your panic, much like Jake had done.

“No, no, I’m not going to.” He looked over at you, shocked that you would even think he would tell you that. “That door…” He pointed in the direction of the ajar door, “it just opened.”

Your eyes moved in the direction that he was pointing, seeing that a door was, in fact, opened. Without much of another thought, you made your way towards it, ignoring Jay’s calls for you to be careful. Pulling the door open, you walked inside but were met with more darkness. The only light was what the other room had to offer. Even in the darkness of the room, you could see what looked to be a table with chairs in the center.

“Y/n, jeez, you can’t just rush into random rooms when the door magically opens!” Jay exclaimed as he followed in behind you. However, the moment that he fully stepped into the room the door swung shut, the sound causing the both of you to jump. The older male mumbled a few curses before turning to check it, but of course, it was locked while your eyes stayed on his figure, and you could barely see in the dark.

Groaning, he drops his hand from the door and turns back towards you, telling you that it was locked, causing your heart to drop. Something about this situation seems a little too familiar to you. Before you could voice any of your thoughts, a spotlight turned on right over the table that you had seen earlier.

“Well, if it isn’t the love birds…” A voice cut through the air, causing a wave of dread to wash over both you and Jay, eyes on each other. “I must say, congratulations for making it this far would have been a bummer if you lost too soon.” The distortion of the voice only added to your unease, “Now, welcome to your final game!” Jay walked over to your side and grabbed your hand, lacing his fingers with yours as the both of you listened, “this time though…” the voice trailed on, causing the hairs on your arms to stand, “one of you will die, but there’s a catch.” Your ears started to ring at the sudden revelation while Jay’s blood ran cold, his grip on your hand growing tighter, “the fate of your lives falls into your hands, y/n, so make sure you choose wisely.” The voice said with a cheery tone, causing your body to go rigid, your head to reel, and your palms to grow sweaty. What did they mean that the fate of their lives fell into your hands? Before you could get too lost in your thoughts, the voice spoke once more, “Now take a seat, won’t you?”

For a moment, neither of you moved, feet rooted to the ground, but with some hesitancy, Jay moved forward, pulling you after him. Stepping up to the table, you could have sworn you felt every nerve ending in your body catch on fire.

There, lying in the center of the table, was a sleek black handgun.

Your mind started to spiral as you connected the dots on what lay ahead of both you and Jay. Your heart squeezed so hard that you were sure it just might pop, followed by the insistent ringing that dulled your sense of hearing. This is what they meant by the fate of your life sitting in your hands: You were going to have to make a choice. No, you weren’t going to; there was no way that you could.

“No. I’m not doing that, you can’t-”

“Y/n?” Your blood ran frigid in your veins as that sound of your brother's voice flowed through the speakers, “Help me, please. I don’t know where I am.” There was so much fear in his shaky tone, and it brought tears to your eyes. He must be horrified right now, along with whoever it was that was doing all of this to you. Your heart started to hurt when you heard what sounded like small cries and sniffles through the speaker.

“Now sit,” The voice cut back, causing your head to snap up as the first few tears dripped from your eyelashes, “or your sweet little brother here dies; you wouldn’t want that now, would you y/n? To have another death on your hands?”

Anger bubbled in your chest, hand balling into a fist, “fuck you asshole.” You seethed before releasing Jay’s hand to take a seat. Your heart continued to hammer underneath your ribs as you met Jay's eyes from the other side of the table. Jay’s face showcased all of his unease as he looked down at the gun before looking back at you. He wasn’t sure what to make of this situation, but he did know that this was going to be his final stop in this lifetime.

Merely seconds after your arms or sat on the armrest, straps come around one of your wrists while the other is left free. Jay, however, was rendered completely motionless, seeing as straps bound both of his wrists to the armrests.

“Ahhh, now that you’ve been seated, the game can begin.” The voice once again spoke, causing your body to jolt slightly; it was then followed by a laugh that struck fear into the depths of your soul. “One of you will live to see another light of day, and the other? Well, this is your final stop.” You could feel your body begin to shake as the words sunk in; Jay opened his mouth to try and say anything that might calm your nerves just a bit but was cut off, “Though y/n, I am quite curious, which is it going to be? Are you going to sacrifice your lover for yourself or yourself for your lover?”

You start shaking your head violently, refusing to touch the weapon that is laid before you, “No, I won’t be sacrificing anyone for anything, dammit! Just let us out.”

“Y/n, stop-” “No, Jay, I refuse to kill anyone, let alone myself!” You exclaim, staring at him with wide, teary eyes. There was an insufferable pain blooming in your chest as you looked at the man who sat across from you, a small, sad smile on his lips as if he had already accepted the fact that he could be the one dying here. “Jay, I don't want to do this. I can’t do this!”

“It would seem you have no other choice, y/n,” the voice spoke again, and you shouted no, fighting against your restraints. “You have ten minutes to decide, and if you don’t make a choice, well…” it was faint, but it rang in your ears, the sound of a gun clicking followed by a cry that sounded just like Riki, “or your brother dies.”

It was like time had slowed around you, the sounds becoming deafening as the weight of the reality you were living in started to drop on your shoulders. One of you was going to die here, and it was going to be your fault. Tears had long since started streaming down your cheeks, dripping down onto your lap as you looked at the metal death harbinger in front of you. The sound of your name being called causes you to lift your head, meeting Jay’s solemn gaze.

“Listen to me, it’s going to be okay.” He offered a small smile, but you couldn’t return it.

How could he say that everything was going to be okay? How was any of this okay? Why isn’t he freaking out, begging you not to shoot him?

“Y/n, you’re going to have to shoot me.” Jay felt a punch to his gut when your face morphed into a look of horror. The last thing he ever wanted was to cause you any distress, to cause you to cry like you were before him without a way to comfort you. You then start shaking your head, refusing the idea. Even if you knew that the clock was ticking, you just couldn’t bring yourself to point that weapon at Jay. There was no way you were going to be able to end his life, not when he still had so much to look forward to. He was still in school, working his ass off to further his degree so he could do what he loved. You couldn’t sever that; you just couldn’t.

“Jay, I can’t.” You cried vision blurred due to the tears that built up on your waterline.

“You have to, please y/n.” Jay’s voice cracked slightly as he tried to hold back the sobs that were building up in his lungs. “You have to get out so you can’t take care of your brother, to go and explore the world like you wanted, to finally be free from your parents. Y/n, you have to get out so you can move forward with your life; there’s so much you have to live for.” His words only brought more tears to your eyes, your heart lurching into your throat, “I don’t have that. All I have is you and the boys, and if I have to live a day without you, y/n… I don’t think I would be able to cope.”

His words felt like you had just been stabbed relentlessly in the heart; how could he say that? As if you would be able to cope? What about you? Does he truly think that you could just walk out of here and just move on with your life after killing him? Does he actually believe that you could move on with your life with that guilt in the back of your mind?

“And you think I could?” Your voice was feeble, barely above a whisper.

Jay just shook his head, the tears finally breaking free from their hold, “you have to think about Riki, y/n. He wouldn’t be ab-”

“What about me, Jay?” Your voice raised in pitch as you tried to keep from completely breaking down, bringing your hand up to point to your chest, “how could you sit there and think that I would be okay if you died? And because I killed you, for fuck sake!”

Jay flinched slightly at your tone, but he wasn’t going to budge. There was no way he could; you needed to get out. Needed to live the life you were never given the chance to.

“Time is running out, y/n; just shoot me, please.” Jay sat up straight as he watched you look at him in complete disbelief. It felt as if millions of tiny little needles were puncturing his heart as he watched you break down completely.

“Jay-” “Just shoot me y/n!” Jay’s tone was as sharp as a freshly sharpened knife that had just sliced into your entire being.

Everything started to feel numb as you stared at the gun, tears still falling from your lashes. Was this how it was going to end? With you getting your friend's blood on your hands? Is this really what your life has come to?

Your ears began to ring as you reached forward to grab the weapon, the metal cool under your fingertips. All of the air left your lungs as you picked it up, the weight of it in your palm unsettling. The hairs on your arm were standing straight as you looked at the gun closer; there was no doubt in your mind that it had been loaded. Ready for you to use it to end a life.

“I really wished that I could have done this when we got out, but I won’t be able to.” Jay started, causing you to tear your gaze away from the gun, “But I love you, god, I love you, y/n, and I am so sorry that we can’t spend the rest of our lives together.”

It was those words that left your world crumbling. The man before you, the very man that you had fallen so deeply in love with, had just told you that he loved you. Yet you couldn’t bring yourself to be happy. Your heart was shattering; piece by piece, it was starting to crumble viciously, being stabbed. Your throat felt so tight that it was like your body was trying to deprive itself of the oxygen that you needed. Pain washed over your still body like a rock stuck on a seashore, waves washing over it without a hint of remorse.

There was no way that you were going to be able to aim this gun and pull the trigger. You couldn’t end a man's life, let alone the love of your life.

Noticing your hesitation, Jay calls out to you, barely gaining your attention. You are then reminded of the time that had been ticking down—minute by minute, second by second.

You had a choice to make.

“I’m sorry, Jay.” Your voice cracked as you lifted the heavy metal, aiming at the man in front of you, tears silently falling from your eyes. Jay just looked at you with nothing but adoration, love gleaming in his deep brown iris. “I love you too, I have always loved you…”

Closing your eyes, your mind starts to wander off to the memories that the two of you had created together, to the memories that you have made with all of your friends, and how they have brought so much joy into your life after you and Riki escaped your parents' house. Then you remembered the day that your dad had called only to berate you, leaving you in shambles, but then Jay was there.

“Hey, y/n, Riki was looking for – hey! Are you okay? What’s wrong?” He had come into the kitchen to ask you for something that your brother had been looking for but dropped everything when he found you curled up against the cabinets, tears streaming down your face.

You remember so vividly how he managed to stop your panic attack so quickly, and all it took was for him to distract you. Something that no one other than Riki had been able to do. It was then that your crush started to develop.

At first, you thought it would just be one of those fleeting emotions that would go away within a week, but it never did. From that day, it only grew until nothing, but Jay occupied your mind most days.

Then, the memory faded until it was black. It was gone from your mind, only to be replaced with another memory from the day you knew that you would be okay, the day you told yourself that you had finally found your home.

It was early summer so the weather was almost perfect to just sit outside and enjoy the cool breeze with the fire burning in the pit. Jay had brought his guitar ready to show everyone a new song that he had learned. Jake brought Layla with him because he knew that she loved being with everyone just as much as he did. Jungwon and Sunoo were bickering over how to roast a marshmallow completely, while Riki watched in amusement, a marshmallow of his own sitting over the flame until it completely melted off of the stick, causing everyone to burst out laughing. Sunghoon had been talking to Heeseung about the skating competition that he had just gotten back from the previous week. Heeseung didn’t know a thing about ice skating, but he was more than willing to just listen to the boy.

Then there was you.

You sat between your brother and Heeseung, listening to all of the laughter and soft voices that surrounded you. It brought tears to your eyes because you had never been sure that this was something that you could have, not with everything that had happened with your parents. You were so sure that you would still be stuck under their thumb, bending to their every whim, even if that meant you would lose yourself in the process.

You had pinched yourself so many times that night, hardly believing that any of it was real. However, a peaceful night and a few bruises later, you knew that this was real. All of it was, and you finally felt at home. Safe and loved.

Opening your eyes once more, you looked at Jay; the gaze in your eyes was enough to tell him just how grateful you were. Your finger then wrapped around the trigger, and Jay closed his eyes, accepting the fate that had been bestowed upon him.

However, you refused to let it be the end for him. Your grip tightened on the handle of the weapon before letting out a shaky breath.

“Take care of Riki for me.” Your words caused the male’s eyes to shoot up, “I’m sorry.”

Ignoring the cries of protest that fell from the male’s lips, you turned the weapon around. The barrel pressed against your temple as you closed your eyes, accepting your fate.

Jungwon made it his goal to keep his distance from the other two, well more like Jake. Something about his behavior was rubbing the boy wrong. Noticing how far back he was, Jake turned with a small twitch in his lip.

“Everything okay back there, Won?” There was a tone of worry in his voice, but Jungwon found it hard to believe, and he met the daring gaze of the older male. His stomach churned, and his mouth went dry, too terrified to say anything. What if the moment he said something, he attacked either of them?

Sunghoon also looks back at Jungwon, worried that something might be wrong. However, Jungwon just swallowed thickly as the two of them stared at him.

“Oh, you know, doing just fine for being stuck in a psycho’s house.” Jungwon’s eyes shift over to Jake causing the older male’s jaw to clench, his eye twitching slightly. Sunghoon, however, didn't catch it and rolled his eyes.

“Is now really the time to be sarcastic?”

“Look, sarcasm is my only defense, alright? I have nothing else to offer.” Jungwon sassed back, causing Sunghoon to roll his eyes once more before they started moving once more.

After walking a few more feet, they came across a room that was wide open, and the light was already on. A sense of dread fell over Jungwon as he noticed this small detail. However, neither of the other two seemed to care as they walked right into the room. He slowly followed behind them, trying to ignore the ever-growing gut feeling that something bad was about to happen.

Not even seconds after they are all in the room, the door slams shut, and the lock clicks, causing Jungwon and Sunghoon to jump.

With wide, fear-stricken eyes, Sunghoon rushed over to the door, nearly knocking into Jungwon on the way over. His hand wrapped around the handle and jostled it, but it was no use; it was locked tight. Turning, he looked between Jake and Jungwon, telling them that it was locked, and before either of them could speak, a voice crackled through the speakers.

“Well, well, well, would you look at that…” The almost robotic voice sent a chill down Jungwon’s spine as he looked around the room, “we’ve caught three little mice in our trap; what fun!” Whoever it was chuckled, causing Sunghoon’s hands to clench by his sides, a glare adorning his features. Jungwon tried his best to see if he could decipher the voice and figure out who it was, but whoever it was made damn sure that they wouldn’t be able to tell. “Now, now, little mice, why don’t we play another game, hm?” Sunghoon moved to stand beside Jungwon, who glanced over at him, “You managed to make it this far, but I’m afraid for one of you, this will be the end of the line.” The voice then chuckled again, causing a wave of dread to wash over both Sunghoon and Jungwon. “The best part of all of this? It’s all up to chance.” Just then, a spotlight clicked on, showcasing the desk and the three cups of red liquid that sat on top of it, “you’ll have ten minutes to pick your poison, and if you don’t, well, none of you will live to see the light of day again.” And with that, the voice stopped, and the speaker turned off, leaving the three boys to stand in complete silence.

Jake was the first to move towards the desk, causing Sunghoon to follow after him and Jungwon shortly after. The unease never lifted. How could he be sure that Jake wouldn’t make sure that one of them took the poison? Or was he just crazy, and Jake really wasn’t behind everything? There were so many questions that floated around the male brain; however, Jake reaching towards the cup caught his attention.

“I’ll take the one on the right,” Jake voiced as he grabbed the clear glass. Jungwon looked at him with a suspicious gaze. Jake then caught the younger boy’s eye and raised an eyebrow. " We only have ten minutes, so it’s best if we don’t waste time,” he told him as he brought the glass to his lip, downing the liquid in one fell swoop. Jungwon could not help but squint at him, his suspicions rising even further.

“He’s right,” Sunghoon nodded his head before grabbing the glass on the left, “and I’ll be damned if I’m the reason none of us make it out alive.” Then, before Jungwon could even protest, Sunghoon downed every last drop of the crimson liquid.

Jungwon’s heart was beating a million miles an hour as he watched Sunghoon set the cup back down. Nothing seemed to be wrong. Had he grabbed the safe glass along with Jake? Does that mean the last glass was the poison? Looking over at the last cup, Jungwon could have sworn he was going to be sick to his stomach.

Sweat started to accumulate on the boy’s forehead as he reluctantly grabbed the cup, looking down at the liquid inside. Was this really going to be the end of his life? A stupid idea of wiggling his way into going with everyone. He should have just stuck to his original plan of staying home and playing video games, yet here he was, on the brink of death.

Although this might be his last ten minutes on earth, he couldn’t help but feel grateful for the life that he had lived. He hadn’t truly thought that he would make it out of his teen years if it wasn’t for meeting Sunoo in his junior year of high school after he transferred yet again. The blonde, who had been brunette back then, was the first person who offered the younger boy any kind of kindness. Sunoo had made it his goal to make sure the Jungwon was always included, even if it was someone as small as walking down the hall or sharing the snacks that he had bought. Then, just as things seemed to have started to flow smoothly, Jungwon met you at the grocery store. You had your headphones in and weren’t paying very good attention to those around you. You almost tripped over Jungwon, who had been crouched down to grab something on the shelf. If it wasn’t for his cat-like reflexes, you probably would have left with a nosebleed on top of the embarrassment you were already feeling.

“I am so so sorry, I wasn’t paying attention!” The amount of apologies that had fallen from your lips was almost too cute to Jungwon, causing the boy to laugh slightly. The sound, however, only caused your face to flush even more.

“It’s okay,” He smiled softly at you, and you couldn’t help but admire the dimples that adorned his cheeks, making a comment on them without realizing it, which only made your embarrassment grow tenfold. Laughing once more, the younger boy pointed over his shoulder, “Did you wanna walk together? Maybe I can help make sure you don’t trip over any more innocent bystanders.” He teased you relentlessly about that day but you had still chosen to walk with him, exchanging numbers after you grabbed everything you had needed. He had found another friendship that he cherished more than his own life, but now he had lost one of his friends, and he wasn’t even sure if he would have the other one by the time this hellhole ended.

Swallowing thickly, he brought the cup to his lips and started to pour the liquid into his mouth, the bitter taste causing him to winch. He had to keep himself from gagging as he swallowed. Once it was all gone, he looked down into the empty cup, waiting for the inevitable to come.

Coughing then started to fill the room, but it wasn’t coming from Jungwon. Both Jake and Jungwon’s heads snapped over to Sunghoon, who was doubled over, hand covering his mouth as he nearly coughed a lung up. His eyes were squeezed shut as he tried to get his breathing under control, but it became nearly impossible in a matter of seconds, and his throat started to swell up. Pulling his hand away from his mouth, he was petrified as blood pooled in the palm of his hand.

He was dying.

The poison was in the cup he had chosen, the very cup that was bringing him to his end. Jungwon panicked, dropping his glass to rush over to Sunghoon.

“Shit! Sunghoon, make yourself throw up! You can get the poison out of your stomach!” Jungwon exclaimed, trying to get the older male to look at him, but Sunghoon’s ears were ringing far too loud to hear anything. Jake just sat his glass down leisurely before crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned against the desk.

“That’s not going to help him, not now.” Jake shrugged his shoulders as he met Jungwon’s shocked gaze. “Oh, don’t act so surprised. I could tell that you knew.”

“You’re insane.” Jungwon seethed as he laid Sunghoon down when he stopped coughing, only to start wheezing. Jake’s smirk disappeared, only to be replaced by a glare, his upper lip pulling back a bit.

“I’m insane?” He stepped closer to Jungwon, who stood back on his feet, meeting Jake’s glare with his own. “You haven’t seen insane yet, but again, you won’t live to see it anyway.” Jake pointed right at the center of Jungwon’s chest, pushing him back slightly.

Sunghoon reached over to grab Jake’s leg, confused. Had his closest friend really been behind all of this? Jake’s glare shifted from Jungwon to the dying male on the ground, kicking his hand away with a sneer.

“And you, maybe I should have planted something of Jay’s on that damned hacker,” Jake growled as he crouched down, eyes trained on Sunghoon’s pained face. “I really thought I had everyone against you, but you just had to go and prove yourself.” The older male then reached out, moving a strand of Sunghoon’s hair, a sinister smirk on his lips, “No matter, y/n doesn’t trust you, and oh, that poor heartbroken face she’ll have after finding out you died.” A rush of excitement ran down Jake’s spine as he thought about the tear-streaked expression you would give him as he got to be the one to comfort you after this was said and done.

Sunghoon couldn’t believe what was happening. Had Jake really been behind all of this? Was he the one who killed the guy who was in your and Heeseung’s room? More and more questions started to cloud his fleeting mind.

Mustering up all of his courage, Sunghoon wheezed, “Why?”

“Why?” Jake chuckled, patting the younger’s cheek as he tilted his head, “I don’t really think that’s any of your concern.” He shrugged before moving away from Sunghoon, leaving him to lay there.

His vision was starting to flash in and out as he slowly started losing his ability to breathe. His lungs felt as if they had been set ablaze; every nerve ending felt like they were being pinched harshly. He was in extreme pain, but his body also felt numb. No matter how much he tried he couldn’t move at all, he was stuck. Paralyzed.

This wasn’t how he wanted things to end, not even close. He wanted to get out so he could apologize to you, to go and see Heeseung’s mother so he could comfort her after delivering the news of her son, to make things right. He wanted to do so much.

He wanted to grow old, meet his so-called soulmate, get married, and have all of his friends there with him. He wanted to make Heeseung his best man while having the rest of the guys as his groomsmen. Now? Even if he did somehow make it out alive, his best friend would be gone, and so would his other friends.

The air was starting to become thinner as Sunghoon continued to fight to breathe; his eyes stung with tears, the salty liquid spilling from the corner of his eyes. He could see the faint outline of Jungwon, who was hovering over him, begging him to stay awake. Sunghoon tried to speak, but there was no way any words would make it out of his mouth, so he mustered all of his will and moved his hand. Jungwon quickly grabbed his hand, biting his tongue at how cold his skin felt already.

“I’m so sorry, Hoon,” Jungwon choked back sobs, squeezing the older male’s hand, and Sunghoon just shook his head. Well, tried to shake his head.

Sunghoon could feel the life draining from his body, his organs slowly shutting down, his heart slowing to a deathly low pace. Moments of his life flashed behind his eyelids, all of the happy, sad, angry, lonely moments replaying like a home film on VHS.

All of the time that he spent trying to get away from Heeseung in middle school was only for him to stick to him like glue, refusing to leave the younger boy alone. As much as he despised it at the time if you were to ask him now, he would say that he was forever grateful for Heeseung’s annoying persistence. Thanks to that, he found his best friend, a lifelong friend, and now they would be together again in the afterlife.

He almost wanted to laugh when you flashed across his mind. Your first meeting, actually. The both of you had actually started off on the wrong foot. He was having a bad day; nothing seemed to be going his way, so he wanted to hang out with Heeseung. When he got there, you were just walking out of the older male’s apartment, not having seen Sunghoon, who, on the other hand, hadn’t seen you either because he was too busy looking at his phone. So when the two of you collided, it only added to his frustration, and he didn’t necessarily mean to snap at you. But he had cut you off mid-apology, his tone causing you to flinch slightly, a sight now that he regrets.

“Good god, would it be so hard to watch where the fuck you’re going.” He seethed, hand gripping his phone tightly. You looked up at him with wide eyes, completely taken aback by his reaction. However, your shock quickly morphed into anger.

“That’s rich coming from you, maybe you could have avoided me if your nose wasn’t stuck in your damn phone.” You had snapped back at him, causing him to recoil slightly, but Sunghoon was quick to brush it off and roll his eyes.

He muttered a quick ‘whatever’ before walking around you to Heeseung’s door knocking. You were still grumbling to yourself as you made it to your door across the hall. Though the call of your name caused you to turn to meet Heeseung’s eyes.

“This is Sunghoon, my best friend that I was telling you about.” Heeseung had introduced the two of you that day but quickly took note of the tension between the two of you. However, being the persistent one that he was, Heeseung made sure that the two of you apologized to each other, and before too long, it was just water under the bridge, and you became really good friends.

Sunghoon wondered if this is what they mean when they say your life flashes before your life. Was he going to see the light at the end of the tunnel next? That would be pretty cliche, huh? He wanted to laugh, but he felt completely detached from his body as his chest rose before falling for one last time before darkness consumed him completely.

Tears were streaming down Jungwon’s face when he felt Sunghoon’s hand go limp. He dropped the older male’s hand before reaching for his shoulders to shake him violently, hoping that he would open his eyes once more.

“Sunghoon! Wake up, please wake up!” He cried out, fingers digging into Sunghoon’s shirt. Jake just rolled his eyes before stepping over to the two, pushing Jungwon back with his foot.

“He’s dead, there’s nothing you can do.” Jake chuckled as he shoved his hands into his pockets, stepping over Sunghoon’s lifeless body. His head tilted slightly as a sinister smirk pulled on the corner of his lips. “It’s a shame I couldn’t pick something stronger. I really wanted one of you to suffer.” He let out a little sigh, taking another step closer to Jungwon, who quickly scooted back before scrambling to his feet. “No matter though, everything is almost done.”

Jungwon looked at the older male with wide, horrified eyes, “what?” He didn’t understand what was happening, let alone why it was happening.

“Well, you see, Jungwon, this little ‘game’ was merely a front to get rid of all of you.” Jake felt excitement bubble in his chest as he watched the younger boy stumble back as he tried to get away from Jake. “Once you’re all gone, y/n will finally be mine.”

Jungwon felt his stomach drop. It was no wonder he was reacting that way towards you and Jay or why he got so mad when you rejected his advances. He never took Jake to be the kind to become obsessive with a person; he was always laid back and never had a mean bone in his body. So, was all of that a lie? Was it just a front he put on to fool everyone?

Fear had completely engulfed the boy's mind as he looked around the room, trying to find any way out. Noticing this, Jake chuckled, shaking his head and causing Jungwon’s head to snap back towards him.

“Oh Jungwon, Jungwon, Jungwon…” Jake then pulled his hand out of his pocket with a flourish, and the knife he had sitting inside let the light gleam off of it. Jungwon’s heart lurched into his throat as he looked at the weapon before meeting Jake’s psychotic gaze. Moving quickly Jungwon put distance between himself and Jake by moving behind the desk.

“You're insane!” Jungwon seethed, shifting from foot to foot, trying to think if he’d make it to the door before Jake could grab him.

Jake’s face shifted into an evil snarl, fingers tightening around the hilt of the knife. His eyes twitched slightly, but it soon faded once he realized what Jungwon was planning on doing. He was going to make a break for the door, but he wouldn’t make it, even if he did.

It was still locked.

Then, just like he thought, the younger boy made a run for the door; however, Jake was one step ahead. Jake grabbed his arm, pulling Jungwon towards him. Jungwon let out a loud gasp when a searing pain spread through his abdomen. Eyes wide, he looks up at Jake, meeting his smut gaze.

“Poor little Wonnie…” Jake’s voice came out in a sing-song tone, twisting the knife he had plunged into the boy’s stomach, causing Jungwon’s mouth to fall agape, “no one is coming to save you.”

Jungwon’s ears started ringing loudly as he grabbed Jake’s arm, nails digging into his sleeve. He wanted to say something, anything. However, all of the words that were sitting on his tongue fizzled away. He knew Jake had hit a vital spot. He knew that his chances of making it out of this room alive were slim to none. He knew he would bleed out on this floor without a chance to do anything to help.

Jake twisted the knife once more, eliciting a pained cry from Jungwon’s parted lips. He then ripped the knife out, allowing Jungwon to drop to the ground. Jake then wiped the blood from the knife onto his pants before crouching down to look at Jungwon, who was fighting to keep his eyes open.

“Such a shame, really,” Jake propped his arm up on his leg, chin sitting in his palm next to the knife hilt. Jungwon winched as he tried to move, but the pain was far too much; his breathing became labored. “Should have just stayed home.”

With that, Jake stood back to his feet and stepped over the boy’s bleeding body. Jungwon’s eyes stayed glued to Jake’s back as he tried to fight off the darkness that was clouding his vision. He hoped that you could figure something out before Jake made it back to you, Jay, and Riki.

Then, for the first time in a very long time, he prayed. He prayed that the rest of his friends would make it out alive, that they would be safe, and that Jake would face the consequences of his actions.

He took one last deep breath before his eyes fluttered closed, the darkness consuming him whole.

Your finger wrapped around the trigger, moments away from pulling it and ending your life. Your eyes squeezed shut tightly, causing more tears to spill from the corners. Jay thrashed about on the opposite side, screaming at you to pull the gun away.

Then, right before you pulled the trigger, you heard rushed footsteps and a hand wrapped around your wrist, harshly pulling the weapon away from your head.

“What the fuck is wrong with you y/n?” At the sound of your brother’s voice, your eyes snapped open, widely looking over at the younger boy who was still holding your wrist. You flinched when Riki ripped the gun out of your hand, “would you really rather sacrifice yourself for your damn friends than choose to save your own fucking brother?”

Your eyebrows scrunched together; what did he mean? Had he really expected you to shoot one of your friends? And Jay, of all of them? Then it dawned on you… why was he here if the psycho behind all of this had him captive?

“What are you talking about, Riki? Why are yo-” You were cut off by the stomach churning laugh that fell from the younger boy’s lips, your heart started racing as a bad feeling settled in your gut.

Riki tossed your hand from his grip before pointing the gun at you with a crazed look in his eyes. Your breath hitched in your throat as you looked at the barrel of the weapon in front of you before letting your gaze travel up to meet your brothers.

“What am I talking about?” He laughed again, moving his index finger from the trigger to point at you, “I’m talking about how you would be so willing to leave me alone rather than sacrifice one damn friend.” Your heart was beating in your ears as you watched the insane gleam overtake Riki’s eyes, a sight you had never seen a day in your life.

You swallowed thickly trying to make sense of everything as well as come up with some kind of answer to give the boy, but your brain was coming up blank. Noticing that you weren’t going to say anything, Riki scoffed, rolling his eyes. Though before he could say anything, he saw Jay shift in the corner of his eye.

“How did you even get out? Is the guy com-”

“Shut the fuck up,” Riki growled as he turned towards the older male, finally giving Jay a chance to see the crazed look in his eyes. “You know none of this would have happened if you had just kept your hands to yourself.” The younger boy dropped the gun to his side, allowing you to let out a breath that was being held hostage in your lungs.

Jay felt as though he had been hit with whiplash as Riki revealed the cause of all of this. What had he meant when he said that it was his fault? What had he done that deserved any of this? And what did he mean by saying if he had kept his hands to himself? Confusion clouded the male’s brain, and the question of ‘what?’ slipped past his lips before he even had a chance to catch it.

Riki’s glare towards the older male deepened but then morphed into a psychotic smirk as he brought the gun up to his own head, tapping the barrel against his temple. “Why don’t you use that brain of yours?” Riki’s smirk pulled wider as Jay looked at him with wide, shocked eyes. “No matter, though, because everything will still work out in the end.”

Jay felt his blood run cold as he started to realize what it was that was actually happening right now. Why was Riki standing with them instead of wherever he was being held ‘captive.’ He had never been taken in the first place. No. He was the one behind all of the hell they had been put through.

“You’ll just be another name in the book, while me?” Riki leans closer to Jay with a psychotic smile on his lips, “I’ll be the main attraction once more.” The boy then leans away before raising the gun to aim at Jay, and your heart drops.

You didn’t wanna believe that it was your brother who was behind all of this. There was no way that he could be. Right? He was just being used by the actual mastermind. Being told to do things because they were using something against him. That had to be it.

But why did he look so happy to point that gun at Jay?

“Riki, no!” It was like time slowed down; you reached forward, knocking Riki’s hand to the side just as he pulled the trigger. The gunshot rang throughout the room, causing your ears to ring as you looked over at Jay with wide eyes. He was okay.

Riki’s head snapped towards you, pure, unfiltered rage burning in his eyes. He slammed the gun down on the table in front of Jay before reaching towards you. It happened way too quick for you to registar what was going on. All you knew was that a pain erupted in your head as Riki grabbed the back of your head, slamming it on the table.

“You stupid bitch!” Riki seethed as he pulled your head back up, taking in your dazed eyes and the blood that was trickling down from the wound on your forehead.

Your ears were ringing so loudly as you tried your best to keep your vision focused, but black spots were clouding your sight. You could faintly hear Jay screaming at Riki to let you go, but it felt like you were standing under an ongoing train.

“It wouldn’t have come to this if you had just kept your promise,” Riki growled before dropping your head just as your vision turned black, your body slumping on the table. Blood from your wound pools under your skin, matting your hair.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Jay thrashed around in his chair, his eyes flickering from your motionless body to Riki.

“Shut up.” Riki’s voice was cold and calm as he grabbed the gun, pointing it at Jay. His breath hitched in his throat as he stared at the barrel of the weapon, and he stopped moving completely. Riki then reached into his pocket before pulling out a small remote, “You try anything funny, and I won’t hesitate to blow holes into you and leave you here to bleed out.”

Jay felt a chill run down his spine as he looked at Riki. He knew that he wasn’t joking, seeing as he had already almost done that exact thing moments before. He nodded slowly, scared to make any quick, sudden movements.

Riki then released Jay, making him grab your still body before leaving the room, the gun still pointed at the back of his head.

Even with your eyes closed, it felt like your head was spinning, the light blinding even through your eyelids. A groan slipped past your parted lips as you tried to cover your eyes and blinked a few times. Only to realize that you couldn’t move your hands.

Panicked, your eyes shoot open, looking around the room. Where had you been taken? Because this wasn’t the same room you were previously in.

Then your eyes land on Jake. He was sitting by a table, his feet propped up on the surface cleaning the blade that was in his hands. The feeling of your eyes on him, Jake looked up, a wide smile spilling onto his lips.

“Well, good morning, there, sleeping beauty.” His voice was sickly sweet, and your stomach turned as you looked at him.

“Jake? Where am I?” You asked, your voice hoarse.

Jake just made a ‘tsk’ sound as he stood on his feet, stabbing the knife into the table and making a loud thud, which caused you to jump. Fear started to etch into your bones as he stalked closer. Was he also a part of all of this? What happened to Sunghoon and Jungwon? Then you remembered that you were with Jay.

You started to move your head to look around the room for the silver-haired male, but Jake caught your chin between his thumb and forefinger. Your breath hitched in your throat as you met his eyes, a crazed gleam in them.

“It was about time you joined the party; it was getting pretty lonely without you.” His bottom lip jutted out as he looked over your face, “He couldn’t even last long enough for the real fun.” Jake sighed as he moved your head until your eyes landed on the male who was tied to a chair across from you.

Bile rose up your throat as you took in bloody and bruised. Jay was sitting there with his head hung low, eyes closed as blood slowly dripped from the tip of his nose. Was he even still breathing? What did they do to him?

Taking in the look of horror that was decorating your feature, he couldn’t help but chuckle slightly, “Does it disturb you?” He moved his hand away from your face before standing straight, “that’s a shame, red is such a pretty color.” His words caused your head to snap in his direction, staring at him with wide eyes.

How could he say that? Jay was one of his friends, so why the hell would he do this to him? You then started to remember little details that you had missed during the earlier times of this whole ordeal. How weird he had been acting in the room where Sunoo was killed. It was starting to make sense, but why?

Jake then moved away from you, making his way over to Jay and grabbing a fistful of his hair. You started to tug on your restraints forcefully, but it was no use; they were far too tight. Tears started to brim in your eyes as Jake tugged his head back, causing a groan to fall from the older’s lips. Jay’s eyes are open, his pupils dilating as he looks over at you, and your stomach turns once more. He had multiple cuts on his face, a black eye starting to form around his left eye, and you could clearly see the popped blood vessel that surrounded his iris.

“Say hi to your lover, boy,” Jake cranked Jay’s head further back, causing another groan to tear through his throat and a sob to leave yours. “Because as soon as Riki is back, he’ll be joining the others.” The smirk that was playing on Jake’s lips left a sense of dread to overtake your body.

Tears were streaming down your face as you looked at the brunette, “Why are you doing this?” You cried out, tears dripping from your chin. Jake just looked at you with a slightly tilted head like it was the weirdest question that you ever asked.

“I don’t really think you’re in any position to ask that question…” He trailed on as he shoved Jay’s head out of his hands, causing you to jump, and your eyes flickered over to the other male. Jake then walked back around Jay towards you, “This little fucker has bee-.”

Jake, however, was cut off when Riki walked into the room, eyes instantly narrowing into slits when he noticed how close Jake was to you, “Sit down, Jake.” His voice was cold, which only added to your unease, but what really shook you to your core was when Jake just rolled his eyes before moving towards the table.

Riki’s eyes then moved over to your teary eyes, his face relaxing a bit at the sight. He then walked over to you, reaching out to wipe your tears as he has done multiple times; this time, however, you flinched away from his touch.

“This will all be over soon, and we can go home.” He smiled and patted the top of your head, making you flinch once more. His words felt more sickening rather than comforting; what was he going to do? Was he going to kill Jay? Why?

Your trembling lips couldn’t seem to move as you watched in horror while Riki walked over to the table where Jake was sitting. He laid the handgun from earlier on the surface before grabbing the knife and pulling it from the wood.

“Now, be a good girl and just sit there and watch. You can do that, right?” Riki asked with a wicked smirk on his lips, the knife twirling in his hand. He then walked over to you with the knife outstretched, the point merely inches away from your face. You bit your tongue as he moved closer, putting the blade under your chin to lift your head. “Just sit back and enjoy the show.” He chuckled before moving towards Jay.

The closer he got to the incoherent male, the more your heart hammered in your chest. Sobs and cries fell from your lips as you thrashed around in your restraints, hoping that they would give.

“Leave him alone!” You screamed out, tears blurring your vision as Riki moved the knife to Jay’s face, “He didn’t do anything wrong, please, Riki!” You screamed, pulling harder at your restraints, causing the chair to move underneath you.

Riki looked back at you with crazed eyes, “Nothing?” His tone was full of amusement as he roughly grabbed Jay’s head, pulling it back and bringing the tip of the blade to his cheek, “He’s done nothing but get in the way.” Riki seethed, digging the point into Jay’s skin, eliciting a loud cry of pain from the older male.

“Please leave him alone!” You screamed out again, pleading over and over again like a broken record. The sound quickly annoyed Riki as he continued to leave small, deep cuts all over Jay’s cheek.

Groaning, he raised his hand to rub the crease between his eyebrows. " Find something and shut her up, jeez!” Riki exclaimed, looking over at Jake, who quickly got to his feet. He grabbed something from the other side of the table before walking over to you, but you continued to scream and cry.

You tried to fight against Jake’s hold as he started to wrap a piece of cloth around your mouth, but it was pointless; he was too strong. Tears continued to stream down your face as you watched Riki continuously dig the blade into Jay’s skin, causing him to cry out and groan.

Was this how your life was going to be? Were you going to get out of here and have to pretend that your brother and best friend didn’t just kill everyone that you have ever cared about? Go on having to keep a distance from anyone in fear of either of them doing anything like this again? Would you really have to carry around the guilt of knowing that all of this was because of you? Your nails were digging so deep into the palm of your hand that you had broken the skin, causing blood to pool in your fingers.

This was going to be the end.

Jake moved away from you, backing up until he stood against the table. His fingers wrapped around the holster of the gun, picking it up. Then, while Riki’s back was turned towards him, Jake moved around you to stand behind the younger boy. You didn’t even notice your gaze glued to the blood that was dripping from Jay’s motionless face, having passed out yet again due to all of the pain.

The older male raised the gun until it was leveled with the back of Riki’s head. It was when the gun clicked that you tore your eyes away from Jay and looked over at Jake. Your heart dropped even further into your stomach as you realized that he could easily kill your brother.

“Thanks for letting me help, but I’m afraid this is where we come to an end.” Jake’s voice was cool as he wrapped his finger around the trigger. Riki dropped his hands down to his side, allowing Jay’s head to hang lowly. He then turned his head just enough to look at Jake, an unreadable expression on his face.

“You’re right…” Riki smirked, turning fully to face Jake, his body completely relaxed. “This is the end of the line for us, but…” Just then, Jake’s hand started to tremble as blood seeped from his nose, dripping down onto the floor; coughs racked his body, causing him to double over, “Not for me.”

You were completely shocked as you watched Jake cough into his hand, only to pull away with a handful of blood. What was happening? Your eyes went wide as Riki just tilted his head, watching Jake with an amused smile.

“Did you really think you could try and take me out without me realizing it?” Riki laughed, crossing his arms over his chest, the blade of the knife pointing in Jake’s direction. “Oh boy, you must have forgotten who I am, Jake.” He placed the blade under Jake’s chin, lifting his head much like he had done to you earlier, “I was planning on getting rid of you, but you just made it a whole lot easier for me.”

Jake started wheezing, dropping the gun to the ground. He clutched his neck as his throat started to close up. His body swayed from side to side. Blood continued to pour from his nose like a waterfall, and before too long, his body dropped to the ground.

You watched as tears continued to flow from your bloodshot eyes. Watching as yet another friend of yours died. Killed by your brother.

Riki glanced over at you, smirking at the horrified expression that was displayed on your pretty face. A look he wished he could etch into his brain for the rest of his life, but he was sure he’d see it again if you ever stepped out of line again. The feeling of something hitting his foot caused the younger boy to look down just as Jake’s eyes rolled back and he stopped moving completely. Blood pooled around his head as it continued to flow from his nose and the corner of his lips. His eyes were completely red as they stared at the ceiling, lifeless.

You felt like you were going to be sick at the sight of all of the blood. The lifeless expression on Jake’s face is forever etched in your brain. The tears had stopped as you sat there in shock, your heart hammering so loudly it was deafening.

Stepping over Jake, Riki walked over to stand behind you. Your whole body jolted when his hands came down to rest on your shoulders, fingers digging into your skin. He then moved down until his face was right next to yours, looking over at Jay’s unmoving body to Jake’s lifeless form on the ground.

“Isn’t the sight just beautiful?” He asked; the sinister tone of his voice sent a chill down your spine. “Don’t worry so much about them, sis. You have me, and that’s more than enough.” He pulled away from you, patting the top of your head once more. You squeezed your eyes shut, pushing more tears out, sobs racking your lungs once more.

He then untied the cloth muffling your sounds, throwing it off to the side before moving to stand in front of you. You, however, refused to meet his eyes, keeping them glued to the ground by his feet.

Riki just rolled his eyes before moving back towards Jay. He knew you would snap out of it eventually whenever the two of you got back home. You had done the same thing after leaving your parent's house, so why wouldn’t you be able to do it again?

He grabbed Jay’s head once more, twirling the knife around in his hand, ready to plunge it into the older male's neck, but you had started screaming at him to stop once again. He looked at you from over his shoulder, a glare adorning his face.

“Please, Riki, I’ll do anything! Just leave him alone!” You sobbed, thrashing about once again.

Scoffing, Riki just shook his head before turning back to Jay. You weren’t ever going to understand that your words meant nothing. Jay was going to die one way or another.

He was the last person on his list, after all.

Riki then started bringing the knife down, ignoring your screams for him to stop. Then there was a loud bang as the door bounced off of the wall behind it, a bunch of geared-up men rushing inside.

Your eyes went wide as you realized who these people were… the police. You were saved. Jay was saved. Tears once again welled up in your eyes, and for the first time in the whole night, you let out a sigh of relief.

Your ears started ringing, and it felt like everything was moving in a blur as a few of the cops grabbed Riki, forcing him to drop the knife and shoving him to the ground. His shouts of protest were ignored as they cuffed his hands behind his back.

Another cop walked behind you and undid your binds, asking you questions, none of which registered in your head as you watched them tug your brother to his feet. Watching as they drug him out of the room, you thought…

You’re finally safe.

You sat in the back of an ambulance, the paramedic checking you over to make sure there wasn’t anything seriously wrong. She had asked you a few questions but you could only respond with a series of hums, your brain not quite working.

“It does seem like you might have a concussion, so please take caution with any physical activities.” She informed you as she dropped her hands to her side and you just nodded, eyes staying glued to the ground.

When she started to move away, you looked up, hands closing around the bandages they had wrapped your hands in.

“Um, where’s Jay?” You asked, your voice hoarse from all of the screaming and crying. The paramedic turned back towards you, offering a small smile.

“The boy you were with? He’s on the way to the hospital along with the other boy.” You felt your shoulders relax, a sigh leaving your lips. Then, her words fully registered. Other boy? Riki was in the back of a cop car on his way to the station, not the hospital. So, who else could it be?

“Other boy?”

She nodded, “The boy who called the police, Jungwon, I think his name was.” She informed you, and tears instantly started to pour from your eyes.

Jungwon was okay. You were so sure that he had been killed, too, but he was okay. He was safe and alive. The paramedic smiled sympathetically as you cried, hand resting on your shoulder in a comforting manner.

“Was he okay?” You hiccuped, wiping some of the tears away, but they were quickly replaced with more.

“He was stabbed pretty badly, but by some miracle, he survived, and he’ll be okay.” She patted your shoulder before moving out of the way when an officer made his way towards you.

As you answered the cop's question, you felt a sense of relief wash over you. The hellish night had finally been put to an end. You and the rest of your friends were going to be okay. Riki was going to be locked away for a very long time. It was over.

...Right?

@alvojake | Do not steal, plagiarise, translate, or repost any of my work

𝖉𝖎𝖘𝖈𝖑𝖆𝖎𝖒𝖊𝖗 : ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪꜱ ɴᴏ ᴡᴀʏ ᴀ ᴛʀᴜᴇ ʀᴇᴘʀᴇꜱᴇɴᴛᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏꜰ ᴀ��ʏ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀꜱ. ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪꜱ ᴘᴜʀᴇʟʏ ꜰɪᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ᴀɴᴅ ꜰᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏᴍᴇɴᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴏᴛ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ᴛᴀᴋᴇɴ ꜱᴇʀɪᴏᴜꜱʟʏ.

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luvrodite · 4 months ago

Text

lover, be good to me. jason todd [3.4k]

synopsis. in the third summer of your love, you get sick.

cw. gn!reader, sickfic, mental health issues, descriptions of weight fluctuation, angst, hurt/comfort. medication. this one is a bit heavy so please exercise discretion. written from the perspective of chronic illness but nothing is specified beyond discussion of mental health symptoms.

There’s a ghost that lives in your home.

This thing lives between you and Jason, a haunting in every room, a presence you can’t not feel. You feel its baleful eyes on you in dreams and upon waking, strongest in the winter, when the East Coast chill sinks its teeth into your arms hard enough to reach bone.

It goes like this: sometime in the third summer of your love, you get sick. There isn’t anything to point to what it is exactly, only that one June morning you don’t get out of bed. It’s nothing until it is, the next several weeks spent making a home in the four walls of your shared bedroom.

A flip switches seemingly overnight, and you’re further from your lover than you’ve ever been.

Jason - and the part of you that knows better, dormant now, buried beneath the rubble - watches in mute horror as you bring yourself to ruin. The desire to be good, the control you’ve held over yourself, slips free of your grasp in seconds. Invisible threads are picked at until you’re frayed at the ends and your beloved home, this reprieve the two of you had as good as built from the ground up, falls victim to it.

You pick fights. You slam doors and hide in the bathroom for hours on end. You want to scream yourself hoarse, your fingers itching for violence, longing to shatter something if only to give life to this sickness that lives in you, as if by breaking, you’ll cast it out. The exorcism does not come, but a cloying feeling sits beneath your skin, strangling, blood sitting stagnant in your veins and rotting.

There are moments of clarity, when you lift your head from the haze and the gravity of all you’ve done barrels into you like a freight train. Those do not last long, invisible hands pulling you back under before you can correct your course. It's as though you take the backseat, replaced by something entirely that takes the controls, watching in mute horror as you destroy everything around you.

Jason gives it back just as good but even then, even in the anger, there’s something else in his eyes. You catalogue it, feeling as though your very soul has split – it’s the you from before that weeps at this, reaching out for your lover in prostration, begging for forgiveness. The being that lives in you now, volatile, ever shifting like a burning flame, burns too bright to feel shame. He is there, and he loves you – enough to bear the brunt of your pain, apparently. Shards of shrapnel, your anger is explosive and shatters everything in its wake. It cares not for sentiment, for history and love. You hurt, and it is blinding.

The doctor’s appointment is booked far later than it ought to be, after weeks of tumultuousness that have left a dour cover over your home, seeping through the cracks in the walls and into the surrounding apartments. Your neighbours must loathe you. You’re too detached, too selfish to care.

The night before is the most clear headed you’ve felt all month, haze lifting as if to show you – look what you’ve done, look at all you’ve wrought. The devastation floors you, the grief you’ve caused to the one you love most curdles your blood and you weep in Jason’s arms. Knelt before him, you press your wet face into his lap.

I’ll be good. I promise, I’ll try to be better, I’m sorry.

You can barely breathe through your tears, broken hearted, sure you must be dying. Has anyone ever felt such grief, you wonder, and the thought is immediately followed by a tidal wave of self loathing. Selfish, so focused on your own misgivings. This is no way to live.

He tells you he loves you and it feels like a kindness you don’t deserve. Too good a man for you, an exhaustion from the last month lines his features. The thought terrifies you, that you’ve veered too close to the precipice of forever splintering him, that under your hand he knows other, less gentle things. Yours has not been a peaceful love as of late, and you wonder if this will be the straw that breaks his back.

In the waiting room, his hand finds yours. A good man, one you do not deserve. He doesn’t let go. Not when your name is called, not when you tell your doctor what’s been happening.

You hope, foolish, desperate thing that you are, that they’ll offer a quick fix. It’s laughable, but the soft turn of the doctor’s gaze makes your stomach twist. So begins the year of doctor’s visits.

You become very familiar with waiting rooms, sterile rooms and the low buzz of the news channel playing on TVs, pale walls and water coolers, paper cups shredded in your lap.

The first shrink you talk to is, at first, the answer to all your problems – Jason balks at it, in the beginning, and you hear him muttering to his brother on the phone but he doesn’t breathe a word of it to you. If it helps you, that’s all that matters. The man listens. He understands how hard things are and how your hurt is poisoning you. He makes the right noises and his cardigan lends him an air of sincerity, brown eyes framed by thick glasses that in the glare of the light feel kind, almost like kinship.

You’re desperate for a solution, even if it means taking the prescription pills that after about a week, leave you with hands that shake violently anytime you raise them, shedding too much weight, way too fast. The insomnia comes next, and then the pills that are meant to fix that. Orange, smaller than the nail on your little finger. The tremors do not go away, but in settles a new drowsiness, bringing with it vivid dreams that feel terrifyingly lifelike. You wake in a sheen of sweat to the already awake gaze of your boyfriend, eyes wide and wary, hands finding yours in the dark, whispering reassurances when you cry again.

How many tears have you spent this year, and how many have you subjected him to?

His kindness feels like a balm over your jagged edges, and you shake your head when he first tentatively suggests that the medicine isn’t working. You’re determined to stick to your vow. You love him, you need to get better. You can’t keep living like this, can’t do the fits of rage, can’t do the mood changes. You can’t keep hurting the both of you.

Still, sleep evades you, a cruel thing dancing out of reach even when you’re told to double down on the dose. The dreams only worsen, virulent hues of fluorescent greens and red, blood and viscera on your hands.

It feels like a condemnation when Jason mutters one night, after you’ve woken from yet another dream, body stiff with fright and reaching out for him, less hesitant now in the face of your tears, “This isn’t working.”

Bitterly, you find you can’t argue with him. Worse, you’ve shelled out a horrifying amount of money simply to vent to a yes-man. The pills are disposed of in the morning and another appointment scheduled.

Back in the waiting rooms, back to discussing other, not-shrink options, Jason’s hand finds yours once more. You watch the news, watch tired parents wrangle their sick children, watch the colourful plastic toys.

“I hate this,” you whisper, leaning into his side.

You’ve been unwell for a month and then some, by now. The waiting room feels like a taunt – you are sick, you are suffering. The sickness festering in you, the rot you can’t explain, makes you feel smaller than ever, frail in a way you haven’t known before.

Before, you used to like that Jason was so much bigger than you, that he could protect you. This, though, he cannot save you from, a fact you’re sure frustrates him just as much as your weakness does you. There is the anger, of course, but there is also fear. What is to become of you now? Your life, through your failing health, has been torn from you. You feel robbed, feel a distinctly you-shaped loss in your frame that leaves you teetering on a precipice. How quickly things had taken a turn, and there was nothing you could do about it.

Jason sighs, turning to press his mouth against your hairline. “I know. I know, baby.”

You’re sent off with forms for another blood test. Maybe it’s something different, and there burns a beacon of hope. It is also entirely possible you’ll spend another six months on medication that doesn’t work.

You don’t care for this. There is a hopelessness and vulnerability to feeling sick that you do not care for, catching sight of yourself in the bathroom mirror and doctor’s office scales and fluctuating weight – you begin to turn your head away from the numbers at this point like you're being stuck by a needle, meeting your lover’s eye while the doctor takes his notes and finding comfort in teal irises, in the small grin he gives you when you’ve done something he thinks to be brave. You don’t care for any of it, but you must. For him.

He hasn’t breathed a word of contention to you – a good man – but you know it weighs on him. You’ve woken once or twice in the night to find him watching over you, something in his eyes like he fears you’ll slip away, a hand always in yours, or holding you close to him.

Guilt, ever-cutting, roils in your stomach. The anger cedes these days to make way for it, and your eyes burn, shame becoming a familiar friend.

“I’ve put you through the wringer, haven’t I?” you whisper on one of these nights. He blinks, unaware you’ve woken, and it speaks to how tired he must be that he’d not noticed, too lost in his thoughts to feel your eyes on him.

He cradles your jaw tenderly with one hand, kissing your temple. “No more than I’ve worried you.”

It’s true that you’ve faced your own set of troubles with him. Still, it feels distinctly different – his anger had been the product of fear, a genuine terror at the thought of letting you get too close. There’s decay in you, one you aren’t sure has entirely left, despite your placidity these days.

“I’m sorry.” You apologise and he narrows his eyes, but you reach for his hand, intertwining your fingers. “You’re a good man.”

“Don’t be stupid,” he grumbles. “Obviously I’m going to fuckin’ look after you.”

Do I deserve it? You think.

“Wish you’d let me do the same for you,” you whisper, instead. It’s a truth you’ve often spoken, but feels like a lie in this moment, a deflection of your feelings. Guilt, once more, settles on your tongue, cloying against your tastebuds.

He kisses you sweetly, and you wonder if he can taste it. Something in the slant of his lips tells you he knows. How could he not? Once, twice, he brushes his mouth over yours. Chaste, loving. “Just get better. Then, maybe. I’ll consider it.”

Your eyes burn, fear like the tide, washing in once more. “What if–” your breath hitches, a lump forming in your throat.

“What?” His voice is soft, encouraging.

“What if it isn’t–if I don’t–” you can’t make out the words. The pad of his fingers brush over your lips.

“You will,” Jason whispers, voice thick. His eyes are bright in the dark, you realise, horrifyingly, sapphires covered in a sheen of liquid. “You will, ‘cause you promised me. And I’m holding you to it.”

You hear it for what it is – I’m here. I’m here and I’m not letting go of you. Don’t let go of me.

He’s asked for so little. Good men are rare to find in Gotham and you’ve got the best of them. You reach up and clutch his wrist, hands turning until your fingers slot comfortably between each other.

“Okay,” you tell him, and you know he knows. I’m going to get better.

The diagnosis comes eventually. In your relief, there is also bitterness. Another step forward, it still feels entirely too late. It should have come before, you think. Before you’d taken a sledgehammer to your love, before you’d fractured yourself and Jason from the inside out, before you’d put scars where there had been none, invisible lacerations lining the walls of your chest.

The medication – pills, pills, always pills – is difficult to adjust to at first. It leaves you short of breath, and more anxious, reaching for Jason to ground you. You cry a lot and though it isn’t anything new, there’s a misery in Jason’s eyes that only makes you weep more. You want to be okay again. You want to smile at him without the weight of all you’ve done, without knowing you’ve made him cry when he thinks you’re asleep, tears bleeding silently into the space of the pillowcase above your head. You want to go back so bad it makes your hands shake.

You lie awake, staring at the ceiling. Jason, on his side, brushes a finger over the swell of your cheek.

“Can I say something.”

You hum, sliding your eyes over to him. He gives you a tentative smile - the barest quirk of his lips.

“Maybe I’m being hopeful, I don’t know,” he mutters, eyes tracing the slope of your nose. “Tell me to shut up if I start talking too much.”

This bashfulness makes you laugh a little. It’s so much like before, and you ache for it. For a moment, you can pretend nothing bad has happened, that the two of you are just in love and home.

(You wonder if you will always be reaching for before. If you’ll ever get it back, if you’ll always long for it. You wonder if Jason does too.)

“What?” you breathe out.

“Think the meds are working.”

Your breathing shallows and you blink at Jason. Hope is a fickle thing, and it feels tremulous, dancing just before your fingers, as if coaxing you to reach out. You trust him more than anyone in the world, but you’re scared to hope. “What?”

His knuckle brushes over your cheek. “You don’t look as tired.”

You avert your eyes. “Maybe I’m just sleeping better.” Tell me. I’m selfish, I know, but tell me I’m doing better. I need to hear it from you.

He shakes his head, and you quietly marvel at the bloom of pleasure in his face, a contentment you haven’t seen in months in the crease around his eyes. “It’s not that.”

The doctor confirms this when you go back a few weeks later and Jason, so like himself for a brief moment, meets your eyes over the man’s head and mouths, I told you. You bite back a grin, still wary, barely out of the woods.

“You’ve gained weight,” the doctor says when he gets you on the scale, and he sounds so pleased the sound shoots straight through to your heart, flintstone striking a light, kindling hope for the first time in months. You look down to the numbers flashing back at you, to your lover – but he’s already watching you, eyes creased in silent pleasure.

You are the last to accept this tentative beginning to peace, to healing, but he waits for you at the threshold, hand outstretched.

There is no tangible evidence of the destruction you’ve wrought in your home but it lingers, even as you begin the slow crawl out of the woods. You see it in the lines of your lover’s face. There are corners of the room you cannot bear to look at for the first few months following your appointment, too reminiscent of words you’d bellowed in a rage induced haze, captive to your own body.

This history is one too fresh, too tender to accept just yet, wounds still pink and raw. You cannot face yourself yet. There is too much to do, too much work to do, too much at stake to jeapordise if you slip and fall now.

But Jason is a good man. Much better than you think you deserve – but he’s said the same about you, so perhaps…just maybe…you think it might even out.

He doesn’t shy away from the worst bits of you, the ugliness you’ve bared to him does not run him off, not like how you flinch from it. You made a promise. I’m holding you to it. He’s hard to shake off, but you don’t want him to. You’re thankful, even, for the dog teeth he’s sunken into your forearm, bound together in blood.

There is grief in beginning to heal.

Perhaps heal is not the right word, and yet there is no other for this, overcoming the last few months feels like it ought to be called healing. But this is a forever thing. You will know this deficiency for the rest of your life, will know doctor’s appointments and bloodwork – strictly cautionary, we need to make sure the dose is right so we can adjust it accordingly.

There is grief in finding your footing. It lingers, the horror of falling victim to a biological response – that your mind should so easily be lost, it feels indicative of something greater, a weakness you need to cut out at the root. Jason shakes his head when you voice this one night – you are only ever honest like this under the cover of darkness, sleep softened and gentle enough to be frank with him.

“You’re not weak.” He says this with love in his voice, but a thread of steel weaves through his words. “Don’t fucking say that. You’re here. That counts for a fucking lot.”

He tugs you closer and you feel it again, that fear that grips his heart. Like you might dissolve in his arms in the middle of the night.

“I feel better–than before,” you tell him, peering up at him, eyes burning. You press a hand to your heart. “But I still feel it. It’s still here.”

He presses his forehead against yours. “I know.”

And you suppose he would know. “Is it gonna be like this forever?”

He takes a moment to think, and you have to tuck yourself into his neck to hide your tears. Raw – this year has left you raw. You’ve spent a fountain of tears, but they’re yet to run out. You find solace in the hollow of his throat; if you could, you think you would attach yourself there permanently.

“Yes, but no.” You make a questioning noise and he smooths a hand down your back. “‘S gonna be different, now. Not always going to be bad, or good, just – different.”

“Different.” The word fits oddly in your mouth, and whether it’s the late hour or your grief, you can’t make sense of it. He shudders out a breath, weary, and you press closer.

“Yeah,” he whispers into your hair.

“I just–” you swallow with some difficulty, a lump in your throat. What is there to say that you haven’t already? “I hate this.”

His lips twitch into a tired, sympathetic grin. “I know, baby.”

Silence follows his words, where you mull over all that there is to say, sorting through the jumble of words in your head. You shift until there’s a little room between the two of you, looking up at him.

“Hey.”

He hums, and you feel his hand raise from your back to cup the back of your neck, thumb sweeping over your nape gently.

“I’m gonna –” your breath hitches, stumbling over the words. “I’m gonna be good, I’ll – I’ll be better. I promise.”

And he knows you’re not talking about your health. This is a forever thing, after all. Your words point to the hidden cracks in the walls, the foundation of your home and heart – I’ll be better.

Tourmaline eyes crack open a little wider to look at you, tired, but hopeful. “I know, baby. We’ll be alright.”

Ah. Of course he knows. You grin tremulously up at him and press forward to smudge a kiss against his jaw, breathing your promise once more against his skin, hoping it takes root.

Jason waits at the threshold of your new normal, arm outstretched, knowing you’d join him eventually. He’d known, of course he had – every inch of your soul was his. He holds his hand out.

Out of the woods, you take it.

fin.

this fic has been in my drafts since 2022 and it always felt too vulnerable to write and finish. like there needed to be a big ceremony about it. this fic is incredibly personal to me, and i always thought i had to be 'ready' to finally finish it, whatever 'ready' means. but it's a sunday night and the semester begins tomorrow, and i'm writing this in bed listening to whatever my spotify plays for me. i'm not sure if this will make sense to anyone but i hope it makes you feel something regardless.

this is a love letter to myself first and foremost, because i'm no longer afraid of reopening an old wound!! i carry her with me always and i love her and i'm taking care of her. i love her and i love you.

#good god i need to go to sleep !!!! but anyway if there are any mistakes ill come back later and fix them #divider by inklore #jason todd x reader #jason todd fanfiction #x reader #jason todd imagine #jason todd fic #jason todd x you #jason todd x y/n #jasonsmirrorball

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l4ndonorizz · 2 months ago

Text

NO ESCAPE - lando norris x gn!reader

pairing: lando norris x gn!reader

warnings: cursing, kissing, alcohol, maybe low self esteem, complicated relationships, english is not my first language

song: no escape by health and the neighbourhood

summary: you and lando finally get your feelings straight

wc: 1k

The party was in full swing, laughter and music filling the air. You and Lando were inseparable, as usual, navigating through the crowd and enjoying the evening. There was an unspoken tension between you, both of you aware of the feelings simmering below the surface, but neither willing to confront them directly.

As the night wore on, the atmosphere shifted when one of your friends, having had a bit too much to drink, made a comment that cut through the lively chatter.“Yo, you really should hook up with someone. I mean, you’re not getting any younger. Why not just get some action?”

You laughed it off. “Nah, I’m good. No need to rush into anything.”

“Are you sure about that?” the friend pushed. “I mean, what about Lando? You two are always together. Ever thought of him like that?”

Mentioning Lando made you turn red. You stammered, “W-what? No way. Lando’s just a friend.”

The friend wasn’t buying it. “Come on. It’s obvious there’s something between you two. Don’t even try to tell me you haven’t thought about it.”

The comment hung in the air, and you saw Lando’s face darken. He’d overheard and was clearly pissed. His expression went from confused to seriously angry.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Lando’s voice was strained, his eyes locking onto yours. “Am I really so awful that even a little interest is out of the question?”

You tried to explain, but the booze was messing with your head. “I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just... it’s complicated, okay? It’s not that simple.”

“Complicated?” Lando’s frustration was clear. “So, you think I’m just some charity case you keep around ‘cause you’ve got family issues and need a filler?”

The sting of his words hit hard. “No, that’s not it. It’s just... I can’t explain it. It’s not about you being a problem. It’s just... complicated.”

Lando’s eyes were blazing with anger. “Complicated? So, I’m just a burden to you? Am I really that pathetic? Maybe you think I’m just a distraction from your messed-up family drama. Or maybe you’re too scared to admit you don’t actually want me, ‘cause that means dealing with your own issues!”

“No, you’re not a burden!” you shot back, but your words were a mess. “It’s just... I can’t... I’m not saying you’re a problem. It’s just...”

Lando’s face was hard, his voice laced with bitterness. “You know what? Maybe you’re just too selfish and scared to admit what you really want. Maybe you’re using me to avoid facing your own fears. Or maybe you’re just too cowardly to admit you don’t actually care about me!”

His harsh words hit you like a slap. You felt a wave of hurt and frustration. “What the fuck did you just say? I can’t believe you.”

The argument left both of you reeling, your emotions raw and on edge. Without another word, you turned and stormed out of the party. The cool night air hit you as you walked away, tears of frustration stinging your eyes. You found a quiet spot, away from the noise, trying to calm your racing thoughts.

Lando followed at a distance, his face set in a grim expression. He didn’t say anything, his anger and regret mingling in his silence. After a few hours, he finally approached you, his tone softer but still tinged with frustration.

“It’s time to go,” Lando said quietly.

You didn’t reply, simply nodding and turning to follow him. The drive was marked by a heavy silence, the tension between you palpable. You both sat in the car, the music turned on but you only listened to the hum of the engine.

Slowly, your eyes began to close, and instead of the engine's hum, you found yourself absorbed in the lyrics of the song playing softly in the background.

Same thing happens every day, I try to run, but they want me to stay, a year's fast, but the days are slow, life's hard when you're young, and it's worse as you grow, All the plans we had have come to nothing All the water under the bridge is drowning us.

You replayed the fight in your mind, each harsh word and hurtful comment. But then the chorus cut through your thoughts:

Hard enough to trust someone Hard enough to lower the gun Hard enough to trust someone Hard enough to lower the gun.

"Stop," you whispered, perhaps more to yourself than to Lando. But he heard you anyway.

"What?" Lando asked quietly.

"I said stop!" Your voice was louder now, and Lando immediately pulled over to the side of the road. You didn't fully grasp what you were doing, but you found yourself unbuckling your seatbelt.

"Get out of the car," you instructed as you clumsily stepped out, your movements unsteady from the drinks earlier. Lando complied, stepping out and walking around the car to your side. He stood there, waiting, his expression a mix of confusion and concern, just as you were waiting to see what would happen next.

"I'm sorry," you began, your voice tinged with emotion as you met Lando’s gaze.

"Sorry for what?" he asked, genuinely puzzled.

"I'm sorry for not being able to express myself properly. I’m sorry I didn’t make myself clear."

Before Lando could respond, you closed the distance between you, pressing your lips against his. The kiss was hesitant at first, awkward and unsure. You had almost forgotten what it felt like, and Lando was momentarily taken aback. But as the seconds ticked by, his surprise melted away. His hands found their way to your waist, pulling you closer, while your fingers tangled in his hair.

Slowly, the kiss grew more confident, filled with the unspoken feelings and regrets from the night. You both smiled into the kiss, a quiet acknowledgment of the emotions you’d been struggling to articulate. The argument seemed to fade into the background, replaced by a shared understanding that words alone couldn’t fully convey.

As you pulled away, the only thing you said was quiet “I love you,” as you stepped back to the car.

Almost immediately he appeared in the driver's seat with a smile on his face. "I love you too."

#lando norris #lando x reader #lando imagine #f1 x reader #f1 one shot #lando norris one shot

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luvsturniolo · 1 year ago

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I have this cute idea for Chris. Maybe yall have been friends for a long time and he really wants something more but his commitment issues are getting in the way because he’s been hurt before but then say something bad happens and his brothers are out and can’t help and he calls you and needs you and you come right away even faster than he expected and he’s like you came so fast? And you’re like yeah, you called? and he just realizes in that moment you’re not whose hurt him in the past and he kisses you

ー ★ !! commitment

pairing : chris x fem!reader

synopsis : explained in the req :)

a/n : this idea is so cute but also so sad ?? i’m hoping to channel both of those emotions into this fic

wc : 2.5k

you’ve been friends with the triplets for as long as you can remember. especially with chris. you’d never admit it, but something about him drew you in — yearning for more.

nothing about your love for chris was lustful or anything vulgar like that. you genuinely admired and respected him as your best friend.

he was always a shoulder to cry on. he always found a way to make you laugh when he could tell you were upset. he always brightened your mood even when you weren’t feeling great. and you tried to provide that same systematic support for him. you made an effort to let him know you would be there for him no matter what.

to everyone else, the two of you were inseparable. you grew up together and nobody could get between your guys’ little duo.

but recently, he hasn’t been acting himself.

you know chris well enough to tell when an issue that’s bothering him and there’s definitely something going on. you can tell that he’s conflicted about it and the topic is serious. but you’ve got no idea what it could be.

he’s been trying to hide it, but you know that’s only hurting him more.

not to mention, he never hides anything from you. he’s never kept secrets or refused to open up. despite your efforts to try and make him explain, he won’t. and since you don’t want to pry, you dropped the topic.

it’s been a two weeks since his demeanor randomly changed. and you’ve tried to ignore the behavior, but your mind just won’t stop coming back to that same topic.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

meanwhile, chris is going through quite the crisis. you're his best friend. like, dude, you're literally his favorite person to be around. in the whole world.

but recently, he's been having too much time alone with this thoughts. this thinking time has caused him to overthink your guys' relationship as a whole. every time he thinks about you, his heart feels heavier and his stomach twirls.

the thing is, he's felt like this ever since you guys first became friends when you were kids, so he didn't think it was weird. he thought it was a normal effect that you had on people.

but when chris casually mentioned this feeling to matt, he acted like it was the craziest thing he'd ever heard.

"bro no way." matt said two weeks ago — which was when chris leisurely explained the effect you have on him. "that's not fucking normal. you need to google that because i'm pretty sure you have a crush or something."

at first, chris thought nothing of matt's advice. he assumed he was just being a weirdo ( like usual ). but the more he thought about it, the more chris realized that his brother might not be a total idiot.

after all, matt is the mental health expert of the family. who would chris be to dismiss his diagnosis?

as time went on, chris got more and more obsessed with this idea. not because he's happy about it. but because there's no fucking way he like likes you. you're his best friend. that's it. his friend. you always have been and you always will be. your guys' relationship can't change just because of some silly feelings he's not even sure he has.

but it's been two weeks and chris still can't seem to rest his mind.

he knows you're worried about him, but he can't open up to you about his possible crush. this is the only topic in the whole world he isn't comfortable sharing with you.

"so what you're saying is you're in love with her!?" nick exclaimed loudly over the phone, making chris jump at his loud voice. "like her!? your best friend of thirteen years! that one!?"

"yes!" chris yelled back into the tiny speakers of his phone. "can you quit fucking screaming now!? you're gonna make my damn ears bleed!"

"sorry that i'm taken aback by the fact that you're in love with your best friend!" nick apologized, his voice equally as loud as it was the first time he yelled.

chris sighed, flopping back on his mattress. he set his phone on the pillow beside him and stared up at the ceiling above. his eyes traced the bumps under the white paint of his roof.

nick and matt are currently in the van, driving to pick up an order of mcdonalds for dinner. chris didn't feel like going, but he always feels a bit empty without his brothers. so he decided to call them. the topic of their call moved from chris giving nick his order to chris explaining his emotions to nick simply because it's the only thing he could think about.

"did you know!?" nice shouts at matt — who's more focused on driving to their restaurant than on chris's relationship crisis. "i feel like you knew! did you know!?"

"shut the fuck up, nick!" matt says back, keeping his eyes on the road. "you know i get stressed driving at night. plus it's raining. i don't need your fuckin' yapping to distract me!"

nick groans, but apologizes anyway before leaning back in his seat and staring at his phone. he quickly notices that chris's camera is now pointed up at the ceiling rather than at his face.

"what're you doing, kid?" nick asks chris.

chris averts his attention away from his dotted ceiling and picks up his phone, holding it above his face to look at nick. "i was thinking-"

"that's never a good sign." nick jokes.

"can i fucking speak?" chris asks, clearly annoyed. nick takes the hint and shuts up, making a lock motion across his mouth to depict his silence. chris rolls his eyes before continuing, "as i was saying, i think i found out why i'm so distraught by the fact that i might like her."

"yeah, no shit." nick replies. "anyone would be freaked out at the thought of being in love with their best friend."

"not funny."

"i'm not trying to be funny." nick says, genuinely. "i'm being serious. you shouldn't feel the need to search for a reason behind your emotions, chris. if you like her, you like her. there's no point in hiding it because you know damn well she'll figure it out anyway. y'all are shit at keeping secrets from each other."

"that's true." matt chimes in from the driver's seat. nick moves the phone forward and holds it by matt's face so chris can hear him better. "she already knows there's something up with you. it's only a matter of time before she finds out what is causing you to act so strangely."

"i guess you have a point." chris agrees. "but what about after i confess and everything?"

"what about it?" nick asks. "after you confess, you'll most likely be dating. which means any issue you guys face will be one for the two of you to figure out together."

"dude, i can't date her!"

nick groans loudly, his voice nearly sounding more like a screech than a noise of complaint. matt yells at him again to shut up and nick apologizes before returning his attention back to chris.

"why the fuck not?" nick asks. "if you guys both end up liking each other, there's no reason not to date."

"yeah there is." chris says, placing his phone on his pillow again to look up at the ceiling that he's grown so fond of. the blank white color is comforting in a sense. it's something consistent that won't change or leave him unless he choses for it to do so. sometimes he wishes emotions and people were more like that. consistent.

"then explain, you dumb shit." nick urges.

"you know how my past relationships went." chris says. "none of them were healthy and i got hurt in the end of every single one. why would i willingly put myself back in that situation? i don't want to form a hatred against y/n."

nick pauses and thinks for a moment, trying to articulate what he wants to say next. but his mind is blank. how the hell is he supposed to comfort chris like this? nick hasn't been in this position.

suddenly, matt reaches behind the seat and snatches nick's phone out of his grip. matt holds it in his left hand, still driving with his right. he keeps his eyes on the road but his attention on chris.

"you guys have been friends for over a fucking decade, christopher. there's no way some silly feelings are gonna end that for you." matt says. "i've watched you guys interact for years — not in a creepy way — and trust me when i say that the feeling is mutual. i'm not gonna speak on her behalf because that's shitty. but there's nothing to worry about when it comes to her. you should know that better than anyone."

"but what is you're wrong?"

"if i'm wrong then you can punch me in the face and i'll give you a million bucks." matt says. "but more importantly, if she ends up rejecting you, i'm 100% sure that you guys will talk it out and find a way to move on past this. and even if she doesn't like you back, confessing your feelings will never be something you'll regret."

chris continues to stare at the ceiling.

the consistency of the patter slowly becomes something abstract and without any pattern. chris tilts his head back, thinking he's going crazy. because why is his ceiling changing?

but he quickly realizes that he's not going crazy. he's simply been overlooking the details of the paint for so long that everything he liked about it is becoming raw and real rather than a vision in his head that he wanted to perceive.

maybe that's what's going on with you. he's been friends with you for so long that he's finally noticing all the little details he overlooked. you're not just his best friend he wanted to see you as. you're someone who has always been by his side and someone he wants to live the rest of his life with.

"k, thanks." chris says quickly as he picks up his phone. "bye."

he hears nick and matt protest against him hanging up, but it's too late. he's already pressed the little red x in the corner. he swipes out of nick's contact and scrolls to find yours. when he sees your name, his stomach twists. despite the butterflies in his gut, chris presses the call icon and puts the phone to his ear.

you pick up on the second ring, "what's up?"

"can you come over?" chris asks, feeling his entire body go stiff at the thought of admitting his feelings to you. but he knows this is something he has to do.

"right now? it's nearly midnight, and it's raining." you point out. "is something wrong?"

chris sighs, "no you're right, never mind. i'll tell you some other time, it's not important anyway."

"too bad." you reply with a laugh. "i'll be there in five."

you guys say goodbye before you hang up and chris feels his heart sink to his ass. he runs through everything he plans to say to you, but nothing sounds as sincere as he wants it to. before long, he hears a knock on the front door and his heart sinks even lower — if that's even possible.

he exits his room and wanders down the hall, wanting to take his sweet time just so he doesn't have to face the truth.

when he opens the door and sees you drenched in rain water on their porch, he feels bad for purposely taking longer than necessary to open the door.

you smile at him before taking off your coat and hanging it on the rack you always hang it on. you come over so much that it's nearly second nature to be here. when you guys were kids, you lived at the triplets house more than your own.

"hi chris!" you say, pulling him into a hug solely for the purpose of getting him wet with your dripping hair and damp shirt.

the thing is, you hugged him as a joke because you guys always try to annoy the other. but the moment your arms wrapped around his neck, chris felt his cheeks heat up and his heart speed.

"hey!" chris said as he pushed you off of him like he normally would, hoping you don't think anything of it.

you smile at him, "why'd you call me over here? also, where are nick and matt? i didn't see the van in the driveway."

"you came so quickly." chris said, trying to avoid the topic of why he called you here.

"yeah?" you reply, curiously. "you called."

something about those words settle into his mind and ease his nerves. you're not like the girls he dated before — and he doesn't mean that in a 'you're not like most girls' way. but you're genuinely different. the way you treat him is so much more authentic than how they treated him.

when chris looks at you, he's not looking at the girl he has a crush on. he's also not looking at the friend he grew up with. you're just you.

you're the woman he wants to marry. the woman he wants to buy a house and start a life with. the woman he wants to have pets and kids with. the woman he wants to grow old with and ask to buy him more vitamins so he doesn't get constipated.

"i just wanted to talk to you about something." chris said, his voice quiet so maybe what he's saying won't be real. maybe it'll just fade into the thick air between you and you won't even ask about it.

"about what?" you ask. and there goes chris's idea of whispering.

he sucks in a breath before starting, "i've been thinking and i think the feelings i have for you aren't just in a friendly way. well, not like sexually or anything like that. that's fuckin' weird. i just like genuinely like being around you. i want to fall in love with you- well, more than i already am. also, i really and i mean really don't wanna make you feel uncomfortable. like if you don't feel the same, don't be afraid to tell me. you can say you don't like me. don't feel obligated to agree to be with me if you're not comfy. i'm not gonna be that one weirdo guy who forces you into a relationship. like, i really like you. you're so pretty, funny, sarcastic, and just my favorite person to be around. but like i said, if you don't like me-"

as much as you find his rambling adorable, you cut him off by pressing your lips to his. he's surprised, but ultimately returns the kiss and grabs your waist to pull you closer.

you smile against his lips before muttering, "i like you too."

he grins like a happy toddle before scooping you up and engulfing you into a huge bear hug. you shriek, telling him to put you down. but he doesn't. he just hold you and peppers kisses across your skin — your face, your shoulders, your neck, your arms, wherever.

he's just happy to have you by his side, knowing he's never gonna let you go. he's yours and you're his.

tags : @kasqnxx @lvrsparadise @prettysturniolo @strniolo @urmyslxt @cupidsturniolo @opheliaofficial07 @thetriplets3 @sturn1olo-ffics @uhnanix @deadxrx @kitaysworld @slaysturniolo @wilmalovegood @ladylokilaufeyson5

#luvsturniolo!!#sturniolo triplets #matt sturniolo #matt sturniolo x reader #matthew sturniolo #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader #sturniolo triplets x reader #triplets

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weirdkpopgirl · 1 year ago

Text

Burden | Dream Reaction #11

Reaction: When their gf feels like a burden to them

Genre: Hurt/comfort

Warnings: mentions of anxiety, dark thoughts, mental health issues

Word Count: 3593k

Author's Note: This reaction was requested by an anon, which I am very grateful for. I feel like the theme for this reaction is pretty common in my stories. So I tried my best to come up with different scenarios and not sound too repetitive. Writing this story made me think of how all the members of NCT Dream are such sweethearts, honestly. I hope you guys like this and please feel free to request more! Thank you for reading ^ ^

~ ~ ~

MARK

Lately, there’s been this growing distance between you and Mark. You hated yourself for feeling this way because Mark was nothing short of the perfect boyfriend. He treated you with kindness and respect. He didn’t hesitate to show his feelings for you and cared for you in ways that no one else in your life has.

But you were someone who carried a lot of insecurities. Frequently, you found yourself pondering if you were truly worthy of Mark's affection. He was constantly busy with his back-and-forth schedules between 127 and Dream. Yet he still made the time to call you and ask how your day went. You felt like you didn’t deserve him.

One evening, you were engaging in a deep conversation with Taeyong at the 127 dorm. As the leader figure of the group, you sometimes found yourself confiding in the male when it came to concerns about your relationship. Unbeknownst to you, Mark happened to be present at the dorm that evening, and as he walked down the hallway, he overheard your voice drifting from the living room.

“I don’t know…Mark is so sweet and loving,” you spoke with uncertainty, as you held a couch pillow close to your chest.“Sometimes I can’t help but feel like I’m a burden to him.”

He observed Taeyong place a comforting hand on your shoulder. “(Y/n), you’re an amazing girlfriend and Mark cares about you a lot. You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself,” he tried to reassure you.

You let out a sigh, “I know…but I just can’t shake the feeling that I’ll never be good enough for him.”

Mark genuinely had no idea you were feeling this way. He’d stay up the rest night, replaying your words in his head. You were so important to Mark, and he couldn’t bear the thought of his life without you. Knowing that you felt so insecure saddened him deeply.

A few days later you received a text from Mark, asking you to meet him at the studio. The message felt somewhat random, but you headed to his company building, unsure of what to expect.

When you walked into the studio, Mark was sitting on the sofa with a guitar in hand. At first, you were confused until his fingers began strumming to a familiar tune.

“Oh, her eyes, her eyes make the stars look like they’re not shinin’. Her hair, her hair falls perfectly without her trying,” he sang softly. “She’s so beautiful, and I tell her every day.”

You couldn’t help but laugh, finding it almost surreal that Mark Lee was serenading you with a Bruno Mars song. But the charming smile on his lips didn’t leave as he finished the first verse.

“Yeah, I know, I know when I compliment her, she won’t believe me.

And it’s so, it’s so sad to think that she don’t see what I see.”

His fingers continued to strum the instrument as he stood up and walked up to you, singing the chorus with heartfelt emotion.

“When I see your face, there’s not a thing I would change. Cause you’re amazing, just the way you are.” He gazed into your eyes, singing the lyrics with such love and admiration. “And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for awhile. Cause girl you’re amazing, just the way you are.”

Your hands were clasped over your mouth, and tears glistened in your eyes as Mark sang the rest of the song. The raw emotion in his voice and the sweet lyrics touched you deeply, making this moment feel incredibly intimate. The romantic gesture felt so sudden, making you wonder what brought this all on.

After the song finished, Mark gently took your hand in his. “(Y/n), I heard you talking to Taeyong hyung the other day. And I wanted to let you know that you’re never a burden to me.”

You felt a mixture of surprise and gratitude, touched by his openness and the effort he took to address your concerns. The love in his eyes reaffirmed that he meant every word, and a sense of comfort washed over you as he held your hand, grounding you in the present moment.

"I cherish every part of you," Mark continued, his voice unwavering. "In good times and challenging ones, we're in this together. You can always lean on me. I'm here to support you through everything."

His words were like a warm embrace, wrapping around your heart and reaffirming the love you shared. In that moment, you knew that you were truly seen and valued by Mark, and your heart overflowed with love for this incredible person beside you.

✎__________________________________________________________

RENJUN

While you were in the kitchen preparing lunch, Renjun was relaxing in the living room. His group had just finished their promotional activities for their latest comeback, leaving him exhausted from the busy schedule. However, you became a bit flustered when you attempted to reach for an ingredient on a top shelf but found yourself unable to reach it.

Sighing in frustration, you stole a glance at Renjun, who was lying on the couch. Perhaps he could lend you a hand with this predicament. But as you started to hesitate when you approached him. His arm covered his eyes, as his chest slowly rose up and down with each slow breath he took. You didn’t want to disturb him when he looked so peaceful.

Renjun’s eyes slowly opened as he watched you walk away. Curious, he stood up from the couch and quietly followed you into the kitchen. The corner of his lips upturned in a small smile when he saw you struggle to get something from the cabinet.

When you felt Renjun extend his arm to retrieve the ingredient for you, you nearly jumped and turned around in surprise.

Renjun looked at you endearingly and said, “You could’ve just asked me, (Y/n).”

“I know, but you were resting and I didn’t want to bother you,” you frowned.

In response to this, Renjun planted a soft kiss on your forehead. “You could never bother me, darling,” he reassured, brushing away a loose strand of hair behind your ear.

You blushed at his warm gesture and whispered a "thank you" before returning to what you were doing before. Renjun was truly a sweetheart, and his caring nature never failed to make you feel loved and appreciated.

✎__________________________________________________________

JENO

The day had been long and overwhelming. Honestly, you were just glad that it was almost over. All you wanted right now was to be in your boyfriend’s arms. However, when you entered the bedroom, you found Jeno engrossed in a videogame on his computer.

Approaching him quietly, you softly called his name. “Jeno-ssi.”

“Yeah, babe?” He responded, keeping his eyes focused on the screen in front of him.

You felt discouraged when you saw how concentrated he was on his game. Not wanting to bother him, you took a step back. “I—actually, never mind.”

Jeno caught the hesitance in your voice and spun around in his chair. Just as you were walking away, he reached to grab your hand.

“No, babe, what is it?” he asked, concern evident in his voice. Your cheeks flushed with embarrassment now that you had his attention. Even if you tried to brush him off again, you knew he wouldn’t let you go.

“I was going to ask if we could cuddle. but I don’t want to distract you from your game,” you muttered, avoiding his gaze. You couldn’t help but feel silly for wanting something so seemingly small.

Jeno’s eyes softened at your words, and in the next second, you were being pulled into his lap. He loved nothing more than holding you in his arms and pressing kisses into your hair. The idea that you thought he would reject you, puzzled him.

“You can always ask me for cuddles, babe,” he whispered softly, his arms wrapped securely around you. “I love being with you, and I don’t want you to feel like it’s a bother.”

You slowly smiled and allowed your head to rest on his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart. His touch radiated so much comfort and warmth that it seemed to chase away any lingering insecurities or anxious thoughts from earlier. For the remainder of the night, he kept you in his lap as he played his game. Eventually, he retired from the computer and proceeded to cuddle you in the comforts of your bed. Jeno just loved being close to you and he wanted to ensure that you never felt like you were bothering him again.

✎__________________________________________________________

HAECHAN

Something didn’t feel right when Haechan entered your apartment. After sliding on the familiar gray slippers you always kept for him, he shuffled through the darkness of your living room. His feet padded down the hallway, guided by the faint glow of light escaping beneath your bedroom door. He paused outside the closed door. Apprehension filled him when he heard your shaky breathing.

Haechan swallowed nervously before raising his hand to the door and lightly tapping his knuckles against the wood. “(Y/n)?” he called out softly. “Is it okay if I come in?”

When he was met with an unsettling silence, his determination urged him to slowly turn the doorknob and gently push open the door. The second he stepped inside his eyes fell on you sitting at the foot of the bed with your head buried in your hands. His heart broke at the sight of your body visibly trembling.

Haechan knew you hated it whenever he found you in this state of vulnerability. When he was present, you often put on a brave face for him. You were always trying to maintain this cheerful facade, even when things were not okay. He understood the effort you made to protect him from your inner struggles. But the thought of you hurting weighed heavily on his heart.

With a small sigh, Haechan closed the door behind him. He noticed you tense up when he approached you cautiously.

“(Y/n),” he started to say, extending his hand towards you in a gesture of comfort.

But you shook your head vigorously and pulled away from him. “Please, just go away Hyuck. I don’t want to see me like this,” you pleaded.

His expression faltered at your attempt to push him away. He could sense the pain and he wasn’t going to let you face it alone.

“(Y/n), whatever it is…just let me be there for you,” he said.

But your head shook again, almost as if your brain was refusing to let Haechan’s words comfort you. Your fists repeatedly banged against your head, the pain momentarily numbing the overwhelming thoughts and emotions within you.

“I’m a mess, Haechan. I’m broken and damaged,” you cried. “I’m…I’m nothing but a burden right now.”

Haechan’s eyes widened with panic and he firmly grabbed your wrists to stop your self-destructive actions. “Hey, hey, don’t hurt yourself,” he murmured, trying to calm you down. “Who put those thoughts in your head, huh?”

As more tears cascaded down your cheek, Haechan loosened his grip on one of your hands and gently brushed away the tears with his thumb.

“Look at me, (Y/n),” Haechan whispered. He gently lifted your chin, locking your gaze with his.

“You are not a burden, nor are you broken or damaged,” he said, caressing your cheek. “Please don’t believe those lies your mind tells you.”

His voice was filled with a seriousness that resonated deep within your heart. The tears slowed and your body gradually stopped shaking. Once he was sure you wouldn’t resist, he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into a warm embrace. His chin rested atop your head, providing security, while his fingers tenderly stroked your hair.

“I know it’s hard for you to see yourself the way I see you,” he continues. “But trust me when I say you’re the strongest person I know, (Y/n).”

The outside world receded as his words sank in. Taking a deep breath, you closed your eyes and surrendered to his comforting embrace. No matter how frequently the inner demons resurfaced, Haechan remained steadfast in banishing them. Within his arms, you never felt safer.

✎__________________________________________________________

JAEMIN

Although you woke up this morning with a fever, that didn’t stop you from attending all your morning classes. It wasn’t that big of a deal, and you fully planned to spend the rest of the day in bed. However, when Jaemin sent a text asking if you wanted to come by his dance practice, you couldn’t turn him down. You also knew that if you told Jaemin you were sick, he’d get worried, and you didn’t want that.

Despite you not feeling your best, seeing Jaemin’s smile when you entered the practice room forced you to suck it up. The other members greeted you cheerfully, and their faces lit up when they spotted the bag of food in your hand.

“I missed you so much (Y/n),” Jaemin said. He spun you around in a hug that left you feeling a bit uneasy due to your headache. But you tried to push it off, not wanting to dampen the joyful atmosphere.

As you sat with the boys, you slowly started to realize that you weren't feeling any better. The fatigue and discomfort seemed to intensify, making it challenging to keep up with their energy.

Mark was the first to notice your lack of presence in the group. “Are you okay, (Y/n)? You look a little pale.”

“I—I’m fine. Just a little tired,” You mustered a weak smile as you gathered everyone’s trash to throw away. But as soon as you got up, the room started to spin.

Jaemin and the others stood panicked when they saw you lose balance. Luckily, Jaemin reacted quickly and caught you when your vision blurred out. The next thing you knew, you woke up a few moments later, finding yourself resting on Jaemin’s lap.

“Baby, why didn’t you tell me you weren’t feeling well?” he scolded lightly, stroking your hair. “You scared me.”

Seeing the genuine concern in his eyes made you feel a little guilty. “I’m sorry, I just didn’t want to be a burden to you,” you mumbled, slowly sitting up with Jaemin’s help.

Your boyfriend sighed and cupped your face in his hands. “No baby! You’re never a burden to me, especially when it comes to your health.”

Jaemin tried to convince you to go home, worried about your well-being. But you insisted on staying, wanting to support him. Throughout the rest of practice, he kept checking up on you. Despite some teasing and complaints from the other members about how disgusting and cute you guys were, you didn’t pay them much attention.

Seeing how much Jaemin cared for you and how attentive he was to your needs made you feel deeply loved and cherished.

✎__________________________________________________________

CHENLE

Gift-giving was Chenle’s love language, and it was something you still haven’t adjusted to. While you appreciated the thoughtfulness behind receiving flowers and stuffed animals from your boyfriend, you couldn’t help but feel a little guilty. You didn’t like him frequently spending money on you when he could save it for something more important. At the end of the day, you understood that this was Chenle’s way of expressing his love and you didn’t want to diminish that.

One afternoon, the two of you were at an outdoor mall on a date. The initial plan was just to do some window shopping. But there was a clothes shop place that Chenle suggested you guys check out. The two of you walked around the store for a bit and there was a dress that caught your eye. It was a simple plaid black dress adorned with white sleeves. The classic design exuded an elegance that matched your fashion style.

However, your interest was forgotten when you picked up the price tag. There was no way you were going to spend so much money on one dress. Chenle noticed your eyes widening and followed your gaze to the dress you were looking at.

“Oh, that would look so cute on you,” he remarked.

You smiled sheepishly and let go of the fabric. “Yeah, but it’s pretty expensive. I don’t think I should buy it.”

Chenle smiled and swung his arm around your shoulder. “Who says you’re buying the dress? Don’t worry baby, I got you.”

A frown immediately tugged at your lips. The idea of him paying already made you feel bad. Even if the dress was nice, you were perfectly fine with not having it.

“Chenle, you don’t have to do that. I’m not worth this,” you said quietly. The carefree expression on Chenle’s face turned to one of confusion.

“What do you mean you’re not worth it?” he asked. “You’re worth every cent of my money and love.”

“But I don’t want to burden you,” you emphasized. “It’s just a dress Chenle, I don’t need it.”

Sighing softly, Chenle cupped your cheeks into his hands, making sure you were looking into his eyes. “Listen here future Mrs. Zhong, you are not a burden or anything of the sort. You’re worthy of anything in this world and I will prove it to you at any cost.”

His words caused heat to rise to your cheeks. But when you lowered your head in embarrassment, Chenle brought your face back up and kissed you. He couldn’t care less about the nearby customers who were now staring at you two.

Feeling even more flustered, you pulled away in surprise. “Zhong Chenle, you can’t just kiss me in front of all these people!”

“Well if you don’t want me to kiss you again, you’re going to come with me to check this out.” Your boyfriend smiled mischievously and took the dress off the rack.

Any more protests from you went ignored, as the boy was already taking your hand and leading you to the checkout area. Chenle was definitely something else, always managing to surprise you with his spontaneous and caring nature. But you were grateful to have such a loving boyfriend. You could always count on him to make you feel like the most special girl in the world.

✎__________________________________________________________

JISUNG

He was just roaming around your apartment as you were in the kitchen making instant ramen for the two of you. It was Jisung’s second time visiting, and he wanted to become more familiar with your living space. He wandered into the bedroom, instantly picking up on how everything was so neat and tidy. He smiled when he spotted a framed picture of him on your nightstand. Seeing the photograph there filled him with warmth, knowing that you held him close to your heart.

However, he also noticed a small black journal on your nightstand. Curious, he picked up the object and opened it absentmindedly. His eyes quickly widened in horror as he read the top words on the second page.

It was a list of the things you didn't like about yourself. His heart sank as he saw pages filled with bullet points, each one representing the insecurities you carried within. Dread filled him as he skimmed over the reasons that varied from your looks to what you perceived as flaws.

What hurt him the most was the last one on the bottom, which said: “I am a burden to everyone around me.” The weight of those words hit him like a tidal wave, leaving his heart heavy with a mix of sadness and anguish.

“Jisung what are you—” You entered the room, wondering what he was doing in here.

Your body froze when you saw the notebook clutched tightly in his hands. The sight immediately filled you with panic, uncertain of how much he read.

Jisung glanced up, looking like he was about to cry. “(Y/n), do you really think you’re a burden?”

The sadness in his tone only confirmed your fears and caused a wave of vulnerability to wash over you. You took a hesitant step closer, wanting to reach out and comfort him, yet also feeling exposed and uncertain of how to respond. But when tears began to spill out of Jisung’s eyes, you rushed to his side.

“Baby I—” You tried to say something, but the words caught in your throat.

"Was there something I did or said to make you think that?" He fretted, his brows furrowing with genuine concern.

Shaking your head, you wrapped your arms around him. “No, you didn’t do anything Jisungie. It’s just me that’s the problem.”

Hearing your confession only made him feel worse. The realization that you had been struggling with these feelings of, and he didn’t know killed him. As your boyfriend, he felt responsible for not being there to show how much you meant to him.

“(Y/n), I…I love you so much,” Jisung cried, his voice muffled against your shirt. “You’re never a burden to me or…or anyone. Please don’t think that way.”

You slowly exhaled, offering soothing pats on the boy’s back as you tried to comfort him. Seeing how deeply upset Jisung was about this surprised you. It took a few minutes for you to get him to stop crying. You rocked him back and forth in your embrace, pressing kisses into his hair and whispering apologies. Once he calmed down, you promised Jisung you’d work on being less critical of yourself and be more open about your feelings with him.

✎__________________________________________________________

#nct #nct dream #nct dream imagines #nct dream reactions #nct dream scenarios #nct dream x reader #mark #renjun #jeno #haechan #jaemin #jisung #chenle #nctzen #czennie #kpop #hurt/comfort #nct dream angst #7dream

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foreverisntenough · 5 months ago

Text

‘OURS’

Summary: You were his and he was yours but what would it be like adding one more? Thrust into a whirlwind romance you never could’ve imagined that became your forever love. You continue building a new life across the pond with a very beautiful Scouser. A sequel to the ‘You’re Mine’ fic.

INDEX

Warnings: This series will contain fluff, suggestion, SMUT (unprotected sex,) pregnancy, parenting, mental health struggles, eating disorder, self doubt, body image issues, daddy kink, angst, alcohol consumption - not sure what else really… if i miss anything please lmk!

Note: Thank you for reading! Please be sure to like, comment, or message me what you think of the series! Try not to nitpick with any real pregnant/ baby logistics it’s better if you just read along happily :)

Warning! This chapter focus on mental health struggles and body image issues (depression and ed) It’s a little dark so if that is at all potentially triggering to you please be advised and do not interact.

Chapter 20 - Miss Mama | ‘Ours’

“She’s okay? God, please tell me she’s okay.” Trent asked in a voice that was heart wrenching. Lauren felt her heart shatter listening to him sound so meek and broken.

“Erm… physically so so, emotionally, T, I’ll be honest it’s not good. I know she fucked up but this isn’t good for you two to be apart. I’m worried.” Lauren croaked out. “I’m here with her now but….” She tried to begin to provide some sort of update but Trent cut her off.

“I need her to be okay, Lauren. I can’t have her like this. I need her. She… She’s my whole world. I am nothing without her. I’m so worried. I was the one that caused all of this. I need her to be okay.” He started to cry. Lauren could hear the gasps for air and sniffles through the phone. “I.. God, I l..love her so much.” Trent began to stutter interspersed between his tears. Lauren hadn’t really ever heard him cry but she understood wholeheartedly how upset he must’ve felt because she was feeling pretty much the same way.

“I know… I know you do, T. I think she needs to come home. She needs you. Seriously, I know you guys have a lot to unpack after what’s happened but being away from you, from Teddy… it’s killing her. She’s… she’s not well.” Lauren didn’t know how to describe or even articulate your current state. You were gaunt, your face didn’t have the glow it did when you were with him or your baby. Lauren had seen this version of you before though unfortunately. She hadn’t seen it in years but she’d never forget it. Since Trent entered your life there had been an incandescence about you. Sure, you had dips, everyone does but he was there now to hold you through it all. She recalled an ability you had that she hated to morph your body to completely display your emotional state. Your mental condition contorting into a physical one. “T…” Lauren whimpered, starting to cry. “This isn’t the first time this has happened, I know she’s told you. You’ve been so good for her, you’ve changed her whole outlook on life, you treat her the way she deserves to be treated. I’m just worried because this isn’t the first time I’ve had to do this.” Lauren took a deep breath.

“I am made for her. I know that. That is my purpose. I am supposed to take care of her and cherish her and I was mad, I was upset but I don’t want this. I never wanted to be the one to kick off something like this. God, I’m going fucking mad, here. Why did I let her leave like that ... .Wait, wait, hold on, do what, Laur?” Trent paused his momentary rant to get Lauren to clarify.

“Winnie told me about the first time. I hadn’t met Y/N yet. She just was so sick. She wasn’t taking care of herself. I know you already know about these things, I don’t have to relay it all to you again. Honestly, I can barely talk about it. I don't want to have to do this anymore” Lauren’s body shuddered remembering other time’s that she’s been in this very situation. “I’ve watched her destroy herself. She lets herself wither away. I've seen it again and again and I thought we were done. I thought that you’d be the person that finally brought her some peace and seeing her like this again… it’s breaking me. When I came into the apartment… god” Lauren continued to cry, her heart hurting thinking about her best friend struggling to see what everyone around her saw. You were beautiful, inside and out and not in a cliche way, in a way that was indisputable and breathtakingly refreshing. Trent’s stomach dropped. He actually thought he might’ve blacked out while Lauren continued talking. “She’s okay, she’s safe and asleep but she just really doesn’t want to lose you, she couldn’t handle it.” You didn’t always have the strength to push past the type of destruction you’d inflict on yourself over the years but there was something that Trent was able to do that gave you hope, gave you moments of truly feeling love and value. Lauren believed in you. You could be strong but losing Trent was not something she wanted you to have to ever endure. That was your person. The one that was created and cut, defined and detailed just for you.

“Get her back to me, Lauren. I need her. I am not losing her. You will not lose her. This is stopping now. Whatever you need, just get her back home to me. I’m going to take care of her, I promise.” Trent said sternly. This was over. Being apart was over. Honestly, Trent wanted to just fly to New York right now but he couldn’t because he had a match. He wanted to say fuck football. Trust, he never said that and meant it but he did right now. He knew you’d be mad if he did it and he knew it would cause a stir so he bestowed all his trust in Lauren to get you to him.

As you laid in your bed, Trent was unavoidable in your dreams. He was everywhere. You cried in your sleep. Missing him. You couldn’t get up when your eyes began to flutter open, god knows how much longer later. Enough for Lauren to have your next 24 hours already planned out for you at the least. Your body was paralyzed by the crushing weight feeling as if you ruined your impending marriage and family over a stupid night out you took too far. The tears kept falling. In retrospect, you’re not sure they had stopped for the past few days. You were amazed you had any left in your tear ducts. You thought about how beautiful Trent was and how, in a nearly impossible way, what you created together, Teddy, your baby, was even more beautiful. You could hear their laughs echoing in your head in the most cynical mockery of what you were missing. You missed them so much.

You were filled with a mix of fear, regret, anxiety, heartache, and anticipation when Lauren got you back to your house. You felt your body go cold as you approached your once incredibly warm front door. Lauren stayed outside calling Jude for her own moral support that she needed. You were in a haze but this was really difficult on her as well. You punched in the front door’s code and heard the lock turn and shift. You grabbed the handle and pushed. The smell of your house hit you like a freight train. You could’ve physically fallen over with the amount of memories that flooded your mind at the scent. You covered your face with your hands for a moment and took a deep breath trying to compose yourself. You dropped your bag and your Rimowa at the door just the way you hated Trent did. The alarm beep rang through the house alerting that a door had opened. The sound was like catnip. You heard the pitter patter of bare feet running clumsily on the hardwood floors. Around the corner swung the most perfect little girl. Her hair laid flat pulled into a bun with a few ringlet curls escaping. She had a light pink shirt on dragging a bear on the ground behind her with one arm holding its paw in her hand. You started to cry immediately.

“Mama!” Teddy cried. Tears coursing down her cheeks. Her initial excitement of who was at the front door halted by the surprise of how much she missed you. This was so unfair to her. You sat on the floor and pulled her into your embrace engulfing her. You sobbing along with her.

“My baby. I missed you so much. I love you so much. I’m so sorry mummy was away. I’m so sorry, baby.” You pressed your lips to her hair and shut your eyes tight. She didn't really understand why you'd been away but boy was she happy to see you. You never wanted to let go of this little girl. Teddy continued to weep but she slowed eventually. Your hold of her only seeming to get tighter though as she fell into shorter breaths and sounds of hiccups

“Miss my mama.” She cooed talking into your shirt. You squeezed her that much tighter. Your hand running over her head before you loosened your hold to be able to look at her. You pressed her nose against hers. “Mama no sad.” She whimpered, being able to see how visibly upset you were. It hadn’t actually been more than 72 hours that all this unfolded but you felt like she managed to grow up somehow. She was so emotionally attuned and intelligent. She nuzzled her face into the nape of your neck comforted by your smell and you by hers.

“Oh baby, I know, I know you missed mama. I missed you so much. I’m not sad, I’m just so happy to see my little Teddy bear, yeah? Were you good for daddy?” The question just fell out like a habit. You shut your eyes barely able to process saying his name to her. It was then you heard ‘daddy’s’ footsteps coming to stand close but what still felt far away watching you in the foyer. He could tell immediately you’d lost weight in the span of days. The curve of your shoulder looked different, your cheekbones just a little more defined.

“Dada! Mama home!” Teddy pulled away from you and turned around to Trent to tell him the exciting news. He nodded with a smile at her, not looking at you. You weren’t sure if this would be all that exciting of news to him. Nevertheless, you got yourself up on shaky legs. He came over to you in what felt like slow motion. You told yourself you wouldn’t cry. He hated when you cried and you didn’t want to upset him more but you thought you might seeing his gorgeous face again. You had no idea where the two of you stood. He said he was done but you were back home by Lauren's guidance for the sake of your daughter. She didn’t want to do any of the talking for Trent, she was simply acting as a delivery woman. Trent extended one arm out to you. His big hand grabbing the back of your neck harshly, almost aggressively pulling your sylphlike body into his strong one. He brought his other arm around you slipping low across the small of your back the way he usually did. It was a bone crushing embrace. You felt his chest tremble and then he sniffed in harshly as he began to cry. You made him cry. You shut your eyes, extending the persistence of the horrible feelings you’d had for days.

“I love you.” You whispered, tucking your face against his neck. Your nose flattened against his soft skin. Teddy stood quietly holding onto your leg not ready to let go. Lauren snuck into the house quietly and grabbed her. “I’m sorry.” you whimpered barely audible. You took a deep breath reveling in the feeling of his warm hold, relief and fear concomitantly falling over you.

“Don’t fucking ever leave us again. Your home, your place in this world is right here in my arms with our little girl. We cannot survive without you here. Do you understand me?” Trent cooed with a stern but shaky voice keeping you tight to his chest. You nodded as your pervasive tears returned. More and more falling the longer he held you. “We love you. God, fuck… I am so in love with you Y/N. Please don’t ever leave me. No matter how much I push, no matter what’s happening, you cannot leave.” He pleaded begging you more than he was instructing you.

“I don’t want to leave, I don’t want you to not want me anymore. I want to come home, T. You’re the love of my life. You’re the only way I’m able to breathe.” You placed your hand over your heaving chest because your heart began to hurt so badly.

“You can’t go anywhere else. Not letting you.” He said with a desperate release of air. Your other hand’s nails dug into his cotton t-shirt covering his back. You let him cry, loosening your claw and rubbing circles with your hand on his lower back whilst the other moved off your chest to gently scratch his scalp until he was able to calm down.

“You never cry…” You made the observation giving him a sad smile in between gasping breaths. You wiped the tears under his eyes gently. Guilt and empathy running down your face.

“You’re worth crying for, baby.” he cupped your cheek. The heartfelt way he said baby to you returning, stilling your racing mind. He looked into your eyes and you felt everything around you disappear. Every worry, every physical thing around you vanishing, only him left. He kissed you and it was like someone restarted your whole nervous system. The cogs in your brain began turning again, the blood in your body began to pump again, your heart began beating again, the color began to rush back into your cheeks. “You owe me a few days of kisses, yeah? Teddy too. She’s desperate, apparently I’m not the same as mama.” He cooed, pulling away momentarily letting you know the work that laid ahead of you before returning his lips to their rightful place on yours.

“Oh no…” you couldn’t help but giggle picturing the conversations they must’ve had. Your lips curling into a toothy smile inadvertently pulling them off his. Listening to the two of them together was precious, you could only imagine what they were saying when they were alone. It made your heart swell seeing those two identical faces together. “What’d she say?” you asked curious to hear about the exchange.

“Nah, she had me running, you know? I felt like she knew the game she was playing as well. Dada want this, dada up, dada quiet. Just command after command and then in swept the critiques.” You smiled seeing his eyes light up recalling their days and Teddy’s hold over him.

“No mama does!” She rattled off squirming away as he attempted to do her hair after he placed her on his lap in front of him in a mirror in her room.

“I know she’s the best at it but can you let daddy do it today?” He asked her politely. He pulled her curls back into the best bun he could manage. Brushing it slicked back. She furrowed her brow at the finished product. He looked at her trying to make out why she wasn’t happy. He thought he did a good job.

“Bow! Dada bow, please.” She looked at him back through the mirror like he was dumb pressing her palm onto his thigh. Obviously, he forgot a bow. How did he not know that? He placed it and sighed. He kissed her cheek and plopped her on her own two feet.

“Are we hungry this morning? I am. I’m thinking we have the toastie you like.” Trent cooed looking at her as they walked down the hall inspecting his handiwork on her hair trying to find a flaw that warranted her disgruntled response. Teddy replied with a simple ‘yuck’ keeping her gaze fixed ahead focused on her tiny steps. “What why? What do you want then?” He asked inquisitively with a bit of a smile. It was hard not to laugh at her developing personality. He held her hand but let her navigate the grand staircase in your house roughly by herself.

“Mama.” She responded to him confidently and calmly knowing not what she wanted to eat but very certain she’d prefer you to be there to make it for her.

“Yeah, well same…” Trent exhaled, inspecting the empty refrigerator he knew you usually filled with all the things you knew he and Teddy liked. It was the little things you did that had disappeared in front of his eyes now missing them tremendously in a day's time.

“I mean… it wasn’t good, baby.” His smile faded as he recalled the last couple days that were filled with some cute moments but more so difficult ones.

“Baby?” You asked, interested if that’s where you stood now. Were you on good terms? One of the last times he said it it really stung.

“Yeah, my baby. Forever but we really need to talk.” He spoke to you softly before taking your hand and guiding you into the cinema. It made you nervous hearing the door shut behind you. The noise reminding you the room had sound proof walls. God, you hoped this wasn’t going to be another loud fight like the one that transpired in your kitchen where you’d need those walls.

“I know we’re talking and it’s serious but…” You took a deep breath and tried to fight back tears. You sat on opposite sides of the couch in the room awkwardly as if you had just met. You looked at him with a pout and puppy dog eyes. “I’m scared and I really need you. Can you just hold me please?” You whimpered out, quite pathetic.

“C’mere, pretty girl. This is where you’re supposed to be, yeah?” He smiled softly, loving hearing that you needed him, that he was a comfort to you. You relaxed in his arms, relieved that was the vibe and not you two raising your voices. You laid your head on his shoulder. Trent hugged you tightly and you couldn’t hold back the tears that began to run down your face. You bawled his shirt in your fists.

“T… Who was that in the photos?” You sheepishly asked, unable to keep it inside anymore. You wanted to get what felt like the hard bit out of the way. You were lying to yourself and using him as a scapegoat. This wasn’t the hard part by a long shot. No matter his answer, there was a massive elephant in the room and it was you but you couldn’t shake the photos online of him and that woman. The thought of someone else, another girl spending time alone with him. Her somehow becoming his best friend. Him choosing her over you.

“Baby…” He drew out the pet name, saddened you’d seen the photos and imagined something completely incorrect.

“If you did, I’d understand.” You cut him off before he even answered you, excusing an action he didn’t do. He dropped his head back against the couch frustrated this was still where you were at, that things didn’t magically change when you walked back into the house. You believed he could treat you like that and it would be an okay thing, something you might’ve deserved.

“Stop. I didn’t do anything. It was George’s cousin. Baby… we gotta work through this. You need to understand I’m committed to you. This is why I met with her. You need…” He trailed off feeling awkward and terrible for what he was about to say. “ You need help.” He muttered out.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for it all, T, the final, New York. I never wanted to hurt you.” You apologized earnestly.

“You didn’t hurt me, I mean you did but I’m more concerned about you hurting yourself. I was scared. I know Lauren told Jude not to but baby, we’re all really worried. They both told me about what happened in the apartment in New York…” He sighed hating that you were even having to have this conversation. You exhaled his name, defeated feeling the same. “Nah, I don’t want a defense or excuse. I can’t lose you.” He tried to deter you from the innate need to defend yourself.

“Before Wembley… I don’t know. I got too drunk and I was alone and I got sad. It was a one off.” You had no ground to stand on, any reasoning would’ve been illogical but you felt the words jumbled rolling off your tongue.

“It’s not. When Lauren visited, you got so sad, baby. It’s just not, you’ve said it’s happened before. Your dad told me, Winnie’s told me, Lauren’s told me. It might not be happening in front of me but it’s happening. Baby, I get that it…” He tried to keep talking to you but you gave him a face you gave to a lot of people. A facade of interest. A mask being pulled in front of your face, the elastic band snapping behind your head securing it. “Don’t…” he reprimanded you knowing it all too well. “Fine, I can’t understand but I imagine it’s hard to talk about. I’m scared. I’ll be the one to say it, alright? I’m fucking scared, Y/N.” He sheepishly admitted to you. Feeling like he failed by doing so. “We need to go to a doctor. I don’t mean this derogatorily I just think someone could help. I'm out of my depth here. I don’t want anything to happen to you. To my Y/N. To my baby’s mum.” He defeatedly let out. You could feel his heart racing pressed against you. You had so much to say but nothing would come out. You cuddled into him, laying your head on his chest. “I love you so much.” He whispered, breathing you in. Transitioning from sheer desperation to admiration for your body in his hands right now. Jesus Christ, what had happened? In a weird way he began to wonder if he felt like he had used you. “Am I making things worse?” He questioned you terrified of your potentially heartbreaking answer. You shook your head ‘no.’ Why didn’t this stuff go on in front of him? The inability to keep up with a golden boy wasn’t the problem but it was hard to not feel downtrodden. Trent was empathetic, he could hear it in the way you cried in the kitchen before you left.

'You expect me to be this perfect version 24/7 but I’m not. I’m not!” You kept crying. “I’m sorry. Fuck! I’m sorry, I’m trying but I can’t be like you, okay?” You whimpered, feeling defeated and broken.'

You didn’t really blame Trent for being good at well… life. Instead, you felt a crushing amount of guilt and shame for not simply being enough. The inability to measure up not to him but for him. You felt so tender in his arms like if he moved suddenly or too rough you’d break or bruise. He thought about the way he had sex with you, the way he uprooted you to England, the way he got you pregnant. He felt horrible that he inflicted so much on you physically. He just wanted to take care of you but alternatively, you’d never felt less used. The exact scenarios he was recalling flashed through your mind in the most blissfully painful way. You shut your eyes again. You wouldn’t change a thing, a lie, maybe a few things on your end but overall, no. His hands on you felt alleviating and comforting all the time. Even if he was fucking you roughly, even if you were jet lagged flying places to see him, even the grueling process of labor was fine all because he was there.

“Thank you for caring.” You muttered out embarrassingly honestly, finally finding some words that you felt wholeheartedly would be good to start with. Trent’s heart, if it hadn’t already when he saw you come back into your house, it surely did just completely shatter. He kissed your hair and then over your ear before whispering to you.

“I will always care about you. More than you could ever understand. I will do anything for you…” he paused and let out a breathy sigh. “Anything.” The warmth of his breath, the drag of his lips moving down your skin sent a shiver running up your spine.

“T, we shouldn't, it's too soon.” You moaned feeling his lips cascade down the length of your jaw. The mood in the room shifting in slow motion. He didn’t mean to, it just was instinctual. His big hands moving the fabric of your top further and further up, finding more and more of your bare skin. You pushed yourself back into him, rolling your head to the side. Telling him one thing out loud and asking for something completely different silently.

“It’s fine. We’re fine, baby. We’re gonna be fine.” He rattled off, not able to think very clearly lost in a very thick haze feeling your body again.

“We can’t do this, T. I have more to say.” You whined, not meaning half the words you said. You definitely wanted to do this but you also did have more to say. He had no control at this point and you hated that it turned you on so much. His desire for you would always trump any sense of reasoning you had. You couldn’t stop him because the sensations running through you were invincible. The physical attraction and the sexual desire between you would always pull you back together.

“No, no, this is going to be really good. I fucking need you. I missed you so much..” You turned towards him with a desperate look on your face. Your eyes filled with lust. Trent could get hard off the look on your face alone but feeling you again, touching you again was setting him off. He pulled you into a messy make out gripping your face before pushing you backwards onto more of the couch crawling over you. “We need this. You need this.” He whispered, breathing you in and moving his kisses to your neck. You kept him close to you pulling him to you by his face. His hands dropped to your waist. He was right, you needed this, you needed him. His soft warm hands pushed your shirt up to feel more of you.

“I love you, baby.” You murmured your lips unable to not pull into a smile. He sighed into the crook of your neck hearing you say that. You brought your legs to wrap around him digging your heels into his back. You couldn’t think about anything else but him for the last few days and right now was no different.

“I love you so much.” He cooed and his voice never sounded more caring and honest. He spoke into your warm skin, kissing them into the most sensitive part of your neck. The whole thing feels more intimate than ever. Love filling the room to the brim. He reached between you and looped the two layers of his boxer and trousers pulling both off. He revealed his tone v line and you let out an embarrassing moan, you taking your own clothes off swiftly. He pulled away from you and looked at your bare body. You felt so naked and vulnerable, he could sense your nerves. He tilted your face towards his holding your cheek. “What are you being shy about? It’s just me, yeah?” He waited for you. You nodded pulling him back into a kiss. You sighed in the kiss dragging your nails up his chest. He repositioned his body over yours and dragged the tip of his leaking cock through your folds.

“T… please, I need you.” You whined. He smiled happy you were back to your normal comfortable self with him. He slowly eased into your dripping wet pussy. You moaned as Trent treaded carefully moving slowly inside. His face fell into your neck groaning at the feeling of you wrapping around him. He moved slowly but precisely. Your nails dug into his back as he kissed your skin. Each stroke loving and thoughtful. He picked up his pace though lost in the feeling.

“You feel so good, baby.” He grunted pushing your thigh up further to your side, hitting deeper inside you. The grip of his fingers on you dug into your soft thigh. He found the spot inside you only knew, only for him, only for you, repeatedly

“Baby, oh my god, T. I missed you. I’m so sorry. I love you.” You were unable to stop your babbles. Tears began to fill your waterline.

“Don’t be. I love you. You’re here with me. Be here with me. Fuck, you feel so good. Let me take care of you” He inhaled a sharp breath. His dimples s sank into cheeks as he gave a sincerely sad and sympathetic smile. “Tell me your mine, baby.” He murmured continuing to thrust into in a way that was so euphoric your tears began to fall. His voice was breathy against your ear feeling the same amount of emotion you were feeling. The weight of his body on top of yours feeling like nothing compared to the weight lifting off you two. Your orgasm approached faster and faster, minute after minute. He bit onto your earlobe and tugged, grabbing your attention.

“I’m yours, Trent. I’m always gonna be yours.” You whimpered. His mahogany eyes poured back into yours. He felt his heart skip a beat when you pulled him back down into a kiss. He fucked you harder with a harsh grunt juxtaposed by the sweetest kiss to the bridge of your nose. Your hand dragged down from behind his neck down the protruding veins of his arms until you reached the rigid texture of the Patek Phillipe watch he had wrapped on his wrist. The knot in your stomach tightened. It only took a few more mind numbing thrusts before Trent’s head dropped into your neck. Your climax erupting inside of you, your vision going white. His cock throbbed inside of you, beginning to paint your walls. You moaned ‘I love yous’ simultaneously. You felt him pouring into you. Waves upon waves of pleasure coursing through both of you. You hid your face against him. He slowed and you felt your bottom lip quiver against his skin. An uncontrollable sob escaped you. Your emotions bubbled over once more. Trent pulled out as gently as he could. He rolled off of you but was swift pulling you back into him. You clung to him crying.

“I’m right here.” He whispered, pulling you that much closer to him and yet it wasn’t close enough. You wanted to be completely surrounded by him. “Can you look at me, baby?” He sounded so worried. You shook your head ‘no.’ “Y/N…” He grabbed your face gently and turned you towards him. “I need to know you’re okay.” He asked softly. More tears escaped.

“I’m okay… just love you so much, T.” You pouted up at him and you felt his tense hold relax. “I love you.” He pressed a wet kiss to your cheek the way you always pretended to hate but secretly loved. You wiped his wet spit off of you and giggled. Trent felt relief wash over him when he heard his favorite sound in the world.

“Oh wow… so mummy and daddy are… fine.” Lauren laughed carrying Teddy past the cinema minutes okay from upstairs into the kitchen. She was currently FaceTiming Jude biding her time while watching Teddy for you and Trent to ‘talk.’ “I think they’re fine. I mean they’re fucking so it’s either a really good thing or a really bad thing.” She laughed. Hoping for the first option. “Should we make you some lunchtime, hmm?” She cooed to the little girl in her arms while Teddy eagerly nodded trying to grab hold of her phone curious about Jude on the other end.

“You’re good with kids, Laur.” Jude spoke through her phone with a cheeky smile seeing her so attentive and kind to Teddy.

“I think I’m just good with Teddy. She's chill so it doesn’t really count. I know this is how it works but she’s the perfect blend of them. All the best things I like rolled into the cutest, squishiest, baby girl in the whole world!” Lauren sang in a soft voice, pinching at Teddy’s tummy. Her squeal shrieking through the phone, Jude blinking his eyes a few times, taken aback by her response to Lauren.

“All done mama!” Teddy yelled as you met them in the kitchen, flush. You pressed a kiss to Teddy's hair on your way to get the water you needed desperately before attending to her. She had finished eating the lunch Lauren kindly had made for her.

“Good girl.” You cooed with a smile. Lauren sat with a smug look on her face as she waited for the inevitable late entrance of Trent, who, when he did stride in, looked absolutely fucking elated.

“Dada miss mama,” Teddy told you as she saw Trent enter. It was an over simplified way saying Trent had really missed you. He sadly and softly smiled at you hearing her. Your heart broke a little that she’d been able to piece it together, that she could sense Trent’s sad mood.

“Mummy loves you so much.” He’d reassure her feeling completely unsure of what was going on in your relationship.The few nights you were away Trent would tuck Teddy in as she cried. Teddy would fall asleep only comforted by Trent babbling on little stories and tidbits about you, how perfect you were, how much you likely missed her. They’d watch videos of you and he’d melt. “Want to see something baby? Want to see the day I met mummy?” He laughed remembering a specific video he had on his phone, he wanted to watch. Teddy nodded tiredly, adjusting to the new routine activity. He was a little embarrassed he even had it but it made him remember a really good time despite things being so bad right now. You likely didn’t even know this video existed. He kept it in a locked folder on his phone primarily where all your nudes and let’s say spicer videos lived. He smiled seeing you like that. Vulnerable, needy for him and in love. You looked gorgeous. He dragged his thumb over the screen. He just wanted to feel your soft skin again as he carefully picked the video of you out of the roll making sure not to pick the wrong one before he showed Teddy. It was a video Marcel had sent around in a snapchat which seemed mundane at the time. He remembered Jude teasing him about it the following day as you laid on his chest, experiencing a new warm feeling of comfort. The video was strangely endearing, like you could see your connection in real time. Energy and force pushing you together. The earth letting out a sigh of relief finally getting two people that were meant to be connected.

“Mama pwety.” Teddy looked up at him cuddling a plush bear with big sleepy eyes as they looked at the thumbnail before he pressed play. He nodded at her. “Yeah, you have the most beautiful mummy in the world.” He confirmed to your daughter with a sigh before he hit play. Hearing your coquettish laugh in the video cozying up to him in a club years ago just about sent him into cardiac arrest. It hurt. God, did it hurt.

“Oh, I missed you both lots.” You cooed, kissing her. She smiled, little dimples indenting in her cheeks. A very visual confirmation she was Trent’s little girl. You’ve said it before but you were comedically jealous of the genetics Teddy was inheriting from him.

“More plebs!” Teddy screamed, grabbing for you. “Mama, miss!” She giggled loving that you were back and really loving your kisses, kicking her feet in her chair. She greedily hummed. “Lub my mummy.” She squealed excitedly. You wanted to cry but you didn’t want to stop kissing her to so you held off.

“Mummy gives the best kisses, huh?” Trent cooed, bending over in front of Teddy to plant a kiss on your cheek with a hum.

“You’d know…” Lauren quipped cheekily eliciting a proud augh from Trent and a raised eyebrow from you.

When Teddy eventually got sleepy you brought her upstairs for sleep. You went to her nursery and you pouted seeing that Trent had nestled one of your softest jumpers in her crib, the smell of you still lingering. There was a little framed photo of your family moved from its original place propped closer for her to see. You started crying so hard you had to sit down. You couldn’t believe you put your child through this, you couldn’t believe you put Trent through this. Trent came upstairs and you met him in your bedroom after you had calmed yourself down on your own. He held you in bed in a close cuddle.

“I can’t remember ever going to bed without saying goodnight before. I hated this so much, baby.” You whispered into the dark room as he caressed your warm skin under a tiny camisole you had on.

“We’re never doing this again. I’m sorry I got so upset.” He cooed behind the shell of your ear pressing his lips against you. You both stayed awake in a warm cuddle. You didn’t know what time it was but it as the color of sky outside fell into that warm navy color, you’d guess around 4 am though.

“Do you still want to marry me?” You asked after a few hours of not talking, just happy to be back in his arms and good graces. Neither of you wanted to fall asleep but not out of worry, but out of comfort. You didn’t want to lose the cognizance of his presence, what he felt like, what he smelt like.

“Not a single second went by where I ever questioned that, okay?” He hummed. You smiled through a pout. You’d hope that was true. He meant it though. He didn’t waver in his commitment to you. He told Tyler he had no plans of leaving you. Through all of this it didn’t even pop in his head you would call off the marriage. Maybe he was angry and didn’t like how things currently were but not have you, not marry you? Never. You turned around in his arms and pressed a kiss to his lips. He kissed you back and shut his eyes, getting tired, not being able to keep them open anymore. You let him rest but you stayed awake inspecting his features. You brought your hand up to his face and tracing his perfectly plump lips. You brushed your thumb over his high cheekbones. You started to fall asleep then dropping your face in his neck, tucked carefully under his chin, wrapping your arms around his waist, legs tangled together. You kissed his warm skin drowsily, letting him know how much you loved him even while he slept. He woke up first the next day. He did the same as you did last night inspecting your features. The morning sun seeped through your blinds. The golden light casting over you. You looked radiant and luminescent but your soul, your heart, he could feel it. It was more striking than your beauty. He kissed your forehead before pulling you that much tighter to him.

Trent had his last game of the season. It was a little surreal mostly because you realized that when the next season began you would be married, the surname on the jersey you were in, would be your own. Lauren and Marcel accompanied you along with Teddy. You wished Marcel would shut up so you could live in your moment of bliss imagining being his brother’s wife and admire Trent in peace. The way sweat dripped over his adams apple, his jersey sticking a little to his abs, his cheekbones highlighted by the floodlights. He looked unreal. Lauren went inside and Marcel looked at you curiously. You could feel his eyes but you ignored him until he spoke.

“Going to tell me how things have been?” He looked at you completely ignoring the game now. You rolled your eyes but he was persistent.

“Yeah, all fine” You said dismissively, keeping your eyes on Trent whilst tucking a loose curl behind Teddy’s ear. He rolled his eyes now at you.

“Y/N… you know you have to let us in, let him in, let me in. I don’t get why you didn't tell me to begin with?” He spoke, sounding heartfelt, keeping his gaze fixed on you.

“When was I supposed...” You sighed stopping yourself from starting to defend yourself but you could see his brow raise in annoyance. “I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t want to scare anyone.” You exhaled feeling a lot of guilt wash over you. He was one of your best friends and you had been extremely selfish not considering how he must’ve felt and dense assuming he wouldn’t want to know.

“Well, you did a really bad job.” He laughed and it made you smile. You felt relieved he was at least being normal again with you.

“Marce… “ You sheepishly got out. “I’m so sorry” you apologized earnestly, leaning your head on his shoulder. He rested his head on top of yours.

“We love you. Just want mummy healthy, right Ted?” He cooed picking up Teddy from you from under her arms. Her eyes lit up.

‘Lub mama, Celly!” She giggled, reaching to hug him wrapping herself around his neck. You pulled her Liverpool jersey down for her covering her back. You smiling at her voice. She loved him so much. To be fair, Marcel just had good vibes and since having Teddy you felt like kids had a great gauge of people. There was something that was so endearing about her relationship with him. She trusted him and was comforted by him, it made you feel incredibly relaxed knowing she’d always have her uncles and your sister.

“I’m so glad you’re mine.” Trent whispered, kissing your head. You held Teddy and smiled for the annual end of season family photo you so loved. Trent was staring at you though not the cameras. You had gone down onto the pitch for one final lap after the match. It was lovely as always. Sweet and a bit emotional.

“Always yours.” You cooed, turning to kiss him. Teddy quick to want the same amount of attention you were giving each other. She pulled at your shirt with a cute grunt. “Yes, yes and you are ours, Teddy girl.” You kissed her with an eccentric ‘Mwah!’ her giggle following.

When you finally were driving home, you were tired, Teddy already fast asleep, and Trent absolutely exhausted. Needless to say it was a quiet ride. You looked at Trent as the colored lights lining the motorway leaked into the car. You smiled admiring his beauty. His focus on the road but yours on his jawline strikingly sharp.

“What are you staring at me for?” He laughed, calling you out, flashing his eyes your way quickly. You giggled sliding your hand over onto his face brushing your thumb over his cheek.

“You’re so pretty. Do you know that?” You cooed admiring his annoying perfect skin, despite his annoyingly minimal effort.

“Yeah, obviously.” He replied with a straight face before he couldn’t hold in the cheeky childish smile he was trying to keep down. His perfect grin made your heart hurt. He was so pretty but you rolled your eyes at his pompousness. “Don’t pull a bird like you looking anything but leng.” He turned his adorable look to you.

“Yeah? How did you even manage to bag me?” You teased with a giggle. His smile staying put hearing the sound but he rolled his eyes at your joke. He tapped at his cheek with his free hand, keeping the other draped over the steering wheel. You raised your eyebrows at his gesture.

“Go on…” He instructed you. You laughed again and pressed a kiss where his fingers had been tapping. “Thank youuu.” He sang.

“Ridiculous.” You reached over again to him and squeezed his thigh.

“Erm… Ow? I just played 97 minutes. Keep your hands to yourself.” He quipped. You squeezed his thigh again just because. You knew he liked the attention. He loves when you give it to him and he can just annoy you in return.

“You love my hands on you. So full of it, you know.” You giggled with one more squeeze than attempted to remove your hand but he was quick to place his over top of it to keep it on him.

“I do. I really love your hands on me.” He cooed in a voice that made you feel like you had a juvenile crush on him. You were flustered by the flirtatious comment. He could feel your arm tense a little so instead of keeping your hand on his thigh, he picked it up and brought it up to his lips to kiss the back of it.

“T… do you want to take me on a date this week?” You asked him bluntly, turning the direction of the conversation. You liked him flirting with you right now and you wanted more. You thought it’d be nice to have a night out just you two. Probably a good thing considering what had transpired.

“Yeah? Want me to?” He smiled big again squeezing your hand. You nodded in an adorably naive way. “Yeah, beautiful, I’ll take you out.” He cooed turning towards you again. His mind beginning to comb through ideas of where he wanted to take you. You leaned over once more unprovoked to give him another kiss on the cheek before you tucked back in your seat shutting your eyes and resting your head onto the window. “Alright, sleepy girls, we’re home.” Trent’s voice waking you up from a daze you didn’t know you had fallen into. You turned to him with a tired pout as if to ask ‘can you please carry me inside?’ He laughed getting out of the car. He came around and opened your door but then he stepped away and opened the back seat. “I’m gonna carry our literal baby but if you want to wait I’ll come back and get you.” He mocked you. You obviously weren’t going to wait outside so you begrudgingly got out of the car yourself. Trent picked up Teddy gently making sure she didn’t wake. He held her tight to him. You shut the door of the car for him and followed them, proceeding to slip your arms around his waist and resting your forehead against his back. He shook his head as he got both his sleepy girls to bed.

The next day you were getting ready to go to Dianne’s house up in your bedroom's wardrobe. You were doing your best to get back into your routine. Lauren was still there, leaving soon, but you had promised Dianne you’d go see her with Teddy. She heard rumblings about the situation, naturally. Trent had confided in her early on in your relationship when you first let it slip you had struggled with your health to him. He’d never really thought about something like that affecting someone he knew. He had girl friends and girlfriends but he never had a sister he had to share a bathroom with growing up. He didn’t know girls were skipping meals and doing diets or maybe the more extreme things you had been doing that you shared with him. She of course was empathetic to him and did her best to be a sounding board and not intrude but as a mum, as a person who knew you and loved you, she was concerned. So you promised you’d go.

“Hey… have you seen my Van Clef?” you asked vaguely to Trent. “Like our one?” You clarified more as you were trying to put final touches on your outfit. He puffed out some air realizing that he was going to have to confront his mistake head on. He hated himself. He had been trying to avoid it but of course you were looking for it, you wore it almost everyday.

“Baby…” he called you, watching nervously. You hummed acknowledging him as you dug through your wardrobe thinking maybe you had misplaced it. “It’s not here.” He told you sheepishly. You gave him a side eye confused but when he didn’t speak you turned your whole body to him.

“What do you mean? I don’t understand.” At first, maybe you thought this was some sweet ploy of his. He came to you and slipped his hands around your waist. When he dropped his forehead against yours you felt the energy shift in the room. This wasn’t some goofy thing he was serious about something.

“I had to bring it in to get repaired.” He got his words out so slow you clung to each one in anticipation. Your brow furrowed. He exhaled, dropping his shoulders. He wished he could lie but he knew it'd be wrong to. He was asking you to be honest with him; it would be incredibly hypocritical. “I found it when you were gone and I don’t know I just snapped and then it snapped.” He shut his eyes. You let out a measly ‘oh’ you felt the things he did when it happened. That necklace was your relationship and he had destroyed it. You were definitely in the wrong but it made you feel so sad you were actively trying not to cry or react. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I don’t know what happened it just felt like such a punch in the gut finding it. I though that you didn’t want it or you left it, left me… it hurt. I’m sorry. Fuck.” He babbled incredibly quickly. You usually were fine with his accented words but your eyes narrowed trying to focus your spinning mind on what he was saying. His accent would come in thick sometimes and disappear other days. Relaxing with his friends at home, their words could feel like another language. Nervous doing press, he was more conscious of what he was saying, letting it slip away.

“It’s fine… I guess.” You gave him a soft smile wishing you didn’t say the last bit. “I understand.” You kissed the tip of his nose and pulled yourself out of his hold. The room went ice cold. Trent’s mind was just filled with his inner voice screaming ‘fuck.’ It was hard not to notice the mood change after that. He hated it. “T, I didn’t leave it on purpose…” you told him right before you left, kissing his cheek, holding Teddy and heading to your car. You were so swift; he didn't even have the opportunity to respond.

“Laur... what am I meant to do here? Things aren’t just going to snap back.” Trent sighed, squinting, picking up his hand to shield his eyes to better make out Lauren’s face. They were sitting in your back garden as the English summer sun beat down on them. They stayed at home while you popped to Dianne’s. Despite your upset about your necklace it did make you happy that your best friend and your fiance “I don’t know, sometimes I just feel like a kid. I feel like I’m making stupid mistakes.” Trent was thinking about breaking the necklace. You’d probably be just as upset if he had managed to break your engagement ring but in a way this had stung more. The necklace was a decision he made before, a decision he made off of instinct, under your nose, completely infatuated by you. It was such an indication of how he felt about you from the very beginning and it was gone. A part of you was happy you didn’t have any visual of it all.

“You’re not but I know the feeling. If you didn’t pick up I was going to call your mum the other day. I was in a moment of introspection on the flight over and I almost laughed. Your mum? Oh hiya erm… can you help… embarrassing.” Lauren rattled off what felt like a million different thoughts. She shook her head but noticed Trent faint smirk on his face not pulling into a full smile but drifting into a tight line.

“Maybe we should’ve.” He reflected. Maybe Dianne would’ve been more of a help than him. “Like she’s fine most of the time right? I make her happy? I try so hard and yet some days I can feel it like nothing could ever change it all.” He spoke looking and sounded defeated.

“It’s not you T… She loves you so much. You make her happy, she’ll be okay, but she is the only one that can change it. You’re there for her and that’s the most important. She needs you and Teddy.” Lauren kept her eyes locked on his, making sure he knew she was being serious. She meant what she was saying. He couldn’t fix things but he was essential. Trent responded only with a soft ‘yeah.’ He thought to himself though that what you really needed was for him to repair your necklace and your relationship.

•

Thank you for reading! Please like, comment, or message what you think of the chapter 🤍

Next part - Chapter 21 xx

#trent alexander arnold #trent alexander arnold x reader #trent alexander arnold imagines #taa x reader #taa66 #footballer x y/n #footballer x reader #oursfic #trent alexander arnold smut

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forest-hashira · 8 months ago

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2 Be Loved

this has sat in my drafts for... idk exactly how long, a month at least, because i was trying to decide if i even wanted to post it here. i wrote this for myself when i was Going Through It with my depression. now that i've sat on it a while, and i've generally been doing better, i've decided it's time to go ahead and share this. i hope you all enjoy it, and that it brings you some level of comfort or reassurance if you need it 💜

read on ao3 here | wc: ~2.4k | cw: gender neutral reader, plus size reader, mental health issues (reader is in a depressive episode), emotional hurt/comfort, some fluff at the end, really this is very self ship coded

You’d spent practically the whole day in bed. And the day before that, and the day before that, and probably the day before that, too. You’d lost count, honestly; all the days bleeding together and blurring in the fog of your mind.

This was far from the first time this had happened, and you knew it would also be far from the last. Your emotional state had been a rollercoaster for most of your life, and had only become more volatile in the last few years. You would be fine, until you suddenly realized you were decidedly not fine, with some realizations being more gentle than others.

Like this time, for example. You hadn’t suddenly buckled under the weight of the world, but instead had woken up one morning and felt paralyzed; even just the idea of getting out of bed, for any reason, felt insurmountable. So you simply… didn’t. You stayed in bed and slept between episodes of your favorite TV show, grasping for anything that might stop you from sinking further into the depths of your depression.

Satoru had been as patient as ever, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead and whispering a little “I love you,” before he’d left for work. He knew you struggled this way sometimes, and had never been anything but supportive and loving. Suguru had called in “sick”, opting to spend the day taking care of you, which mostly consisted of slipping in and out of sleep all day and occasionally bringing a snack from the kitchen. Satoru had joined you back in bed as soon as he got home from work, effectively squishing you between himself and Suguru, where you were helpless to do anything but let them love you.

It had reduced you to tears, shoulders shaking as ugly, half choked sobs tore themselves from your chest. They had let you cry, not rushing to try and quiet you as they might have done when they were younger; they let you get it out of your system, only stepping in to comfort you when you started to speak.

“I’m sorry,” you’d cried, eyes shut tight as you tried to avoid their gaze. “I’m sorry I’m…” you’d struggled for words then, losing them between your hiccuping sobs and the darkness that clouded your mind.

“I’m too much,” you’d come up with eventually. “My emotions are too messy, and my mind doesn’t work right… I feel like all I do is cause problems for both of you. Like all I do is hold you back and drag you down.”

You hadn’t seen the look they’d exchanged, the pain that pinched their features, but you had felt the way they pressed in closer, as if they could crush the depression out of you.

“You are not too much,” Satoru had murmured, gently tilting your head up to meet his gaze, his cerulean eyes sparkling in the low light from the lamp on your bedside table. “You could never be too much, not to me – to us.” His thumb brushed lightly along your cheekbone, delicately wiping the tears from your skin even as they were replaced with more. “We love you so much, y’know? I love you so much. Taking care of you is not a chore, or a burden.”

You’d shaken your head, unable to believe his words. “You can’t possibly mean that.”

“But we do,” Suguru had been the one to speak that time. “You mean it when you tell me the same thing when I’m depressed, right?”

“Of course I do.” There wasn’t any hesitation as the words left your lips. “Taking care of you is a privilege.”

“Then why can’t you believe we feel the same way about taking care of you?”

His words had left you reeling, so much so that you almost didn’t hear Suguru when he continued.

“Satoru’s right, angel. I love you. We adore you, and we want to take care of you. Always.”

As Suguru had hugged you tighter with one arm and pressed gentle kisses to your shoulder, he’d placed his other hand on your white haired lover’s hip, keeping him as close as possible. Satoru had been eager to oblige, snuggling into you as much as possible. He’d brushed your hair from your face and pressed a kiss to your forehead, one hand cradling your face while the other reached across you to settle on Suguru’s hip. They had effectively caged you in, both with their bodies and with their love. It had shattered you, reduced you to tears again, but they hadn’t minded; they were there to hold you together, to pick up the pieces when you couldn’t do it alone.

Through some unspoken agreement, your boys switched places the next day; Suguru had gone into work while Satoru had called out “sick” to take care of you. They did their best not to leave you alone for too long whenever they could help it, but they could only get away with calling out sick when everyone knew the two of them were perfectly healthy; when the higher ups knew that you were the one keeping the two special grades and teachers from fully doing their jobs.

A few days passed with your lovers taking turns staying home with you, until one day they both called out to stay home, though you didn’t realize that at first, since Suguru was quick to return to you in bed, holding you close as you drifted off again, faintly away of the sound of the front door closing and locking before you were fully asleep.

When you woke up again, the first thing you were aware of was the fact that you were alone in bed. At almost the same moment, though, you heard music coming from what you guessed what the kitchen, though you couldn’t quite tell, since the bedroom door was shut; wherever it was coming from, it was definitely upbeat pop music, so you knew for certain Satoru was the one who had turned it on.

With no small amount of effort, you pushed yourself into a sitting position, rubbing your eyes for a moment and yawning before you crawled off the bed on Satoru’s side. You shuffled over to the dresser then, opening drawers and grabbing clothes pretty much at random. You wound up in a black sweatshirt and a pair of light blue sweatpants, both of which were at least two sizes too big for you, which even your fuzzy brain knew meant they weren’t actually your clothes; they belonged to your two giants of lovers.

Once you were dressed, you turned back to the nightstand, grabbing one of Suguru’s hair ties to pull your hair out of your face with, and, after a deep breath, you decided to brave the kitchen.

Opening the door to the bedroom allowed you to fully hear the music that was playing, and you were a little surprised to realize it was in English, rather than Japanese. Satoru liked to listen to anything that was happy and upbeat enough, but he – understandably – had a bit of a preference for J pop music.

Still a little surprised by the music choice and a little foggy from sleep, you make your way to the kitchen in a bit of a daze. Both Satoru and Suguru were in the kitchen: Suguru at the counter, mixing something in the stand mixer, while Satoru danced around to the music, occasionally trying to steal a bit of whatever Suguru had in the mixing bowl, and being effectively swatted away every time. You stood in the doorway for a few moments in silence, just watching them in utter adoration.

Eventually, though, Satoru noticed you, and he got a bright grin on his face as he raced over to you. “You got out of bed!” he gushed, wrapping you up in a tight hug and pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “I’m so proud of you, mochi,” he murmured against your scalp, and something about the nickname in combination with the praise made you feel like you were going to melt into a puddle right then and there.

Just as suddenly as he had engulfed you in a hug, the white haired sorcerer was releasing you, lunging for where he’d left his phone on the counter by the bluetooth speaker he was using for the music. You watched curiously as he opened his playlist, hastily skipping through a handful of songs before he got to the one he was apparently looking for. Seeming pleased with himself, he made sure the song was playing, turned the volume up a little bit, then turned back to you with that sparkling grin of his.

You blinked in surprise when you heard the singer’s voice, and you looked up at him with a look of complete bafflement. “I didn’t know you listened to Lizzo.”

He sighed dramatically and rolled his eyes. “No, baby, you gotta listen to the lyrics!” he insisted, taking your hands and doing a very small little dance with you right there in the doorway.

Though part of you wanted to argue, you had never been good at resisting your energetic lover, and this time was no exception. Before you even nodded, Satoru already knew you’d given in to him, and he pulled you a bit closer to himself as he started singing along with the lyrics. And not quietly, either: he sang them with all the enthusiasm in his body, and though you hated to admit it, it was contagious, even in your depressed state.

By the end of the first verse, you were smiling, a small laugh escaping you at your lover’s almost puppyish behavior. When the chorus came around, you started singing along as well, and you noticed belatedly that Satoru was singing the lines of the background singers, rather than the main chorus, like you were.

“Am I ready?”

“You deserve it now.”

“‘Cause I want it!”

“That’s what I’m talkin’ about.”

“Am I ready?”

“You gon’ figure it out.”

“To be loved, to be loved.”

Your singing faltered then, and you stared up at Satoru for a moment, suddenly realizing why he’d picked this song to serenade you with. He stopped singing as well, smiling gently down at you as he watched you fit the puzzle pieces together in your mind.

“We’ve always been ready to love you.”

The sound of Suguru’s voice from behind you caused you to startle a bit, but you looked up at him with wide, disbelieving eyes.

“Are you ready to let us love you again?” His tone held no resentment, no bitterness, only gentle adoration, and you were certain that if Satoru didn’t still have a solid grip on your hands, you would have sunk to your knees with the overwhelming realization of how much these two men adored you, despite how much your mind sometimes tried to convince you they shouldn’t.

Unable to find your voice, you nodded, blinking back the tears that threatened to spill down your cheeks. You allowed your eyes to flutter shut for a moment as Suguru leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of your head, but just a few seconds later, Satoru was tugging you back into his space, spinning you around so your back was to his chest. The song was still playing and he was apparently still determined to get you to dance with him.

Suguru laughed softly at his lover’s antics, shaking his head slightly at Satoru and offering you a slight shrug when you looked up at him for some sort of explanation.

Now the subject of Satoru’s whims, you allowed him to dance around the kitchen with you in his arms, still singing along with the song, though now his volume was lower, as he sang the words down at you. You smiled, allowing yourself to get lost in the warmth of his love, even if his fingers were cold where they wrapped around your own.

“He call me Melly, he squeeze my belly.”

Your eyes flew open as Satoru sang the words, his chilly hands coming down to squeeze at the soft flesh of your stomach, the touch pulling a rather undignified squeak from your lips, but he just continued to beam down at you. He wasn’t going along with the lyrics of the song to make fun of you – he’d expressed to you enough times that he adored the soft pudginess of your body for you to know he meant it – but it still surprised every time he made sure to pay special attention to the squishier parts of you.

The sound of your squeak pulled another laugh from Suguru, and though at first you were planning to glare at him, you couldn’t go through with it; not when his expression was full of so much love and relief. He crossed the kitchen to reach you again, whatever was in the mixer long forgotten in favor of you. When he reached out for you, going to him was easier than breathing. He pulled you close, pressing his lips to the crown of your head as he swayed around the kitchen with you. The movement didn’t match the energy of the song at all, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care. You were safe and secure in his arms, and Satoru had enough energy for all three of you; it was impossible not to watch him as he danced around the kitchen, white hair and blue eyes shining, and he flashed you that brilliant grin of his every time he caught your gaze.

Things weren’t suddenly perfect; Lizzo and dancing in the kitchen was not a magical fix-it for the irregularities in your emotional state, but it was certainly a stepping stone back to your normal. And you knew, without any doubt in your mind, that you would have the support and full confidence of your lovers behind you every step of the way. They were your way back to yourself, after all. Suguru was your anchor in stormy seas, tethering you to something real, something sturdy; Satoru was the lighthouse calling you home when the waters calmed enough for you to move again.

i hope you guys have enjoyed seeing some of my other stuff i hadn't yet shared here! though i can't promise when i'll have anything new, know that i am working on things now + am preparing things for my upcoming milestone event!!! take care of yourselves as best you can 💜. divider by cafekitsune

tagging: @kentohours @mitsuristoleme @marinnnnnnnnn @witchbybirth @peachdues

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kavehater · 5 months ago

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She honestly doesn’t do much to make me like her more I swear to God !!!!

Chat is it unnatural to hate your friend 💃

#I just tried talking to her #I swear to god like she is the definition of stem student stereotypes #yk business can be hard right ? everyone likes to think that it’s easy peasy LOL yall are so dumb #sometimes business is legit harder than pharmacy 😻 why do you think I sometimes get better marks in literal pharmacy LOL #pharmacy has a set series of things you study yk what to study like everything is GIVEN to you #business is chaotic and all over the place THATS why it’s hard #“you should see what I have to do” awesome habibti I don’t care about what you have to do after that statement #because you’re mentally stable #and before you tell me I have a chronic illness awesome cause that chronic illness doesn’t impact your memorisation ability not one but btw #sure it’s hard not saying it’s not but we LEGIT had a lecture on depression and you KNOW DAMN WELL that depression makes you not only non #functional but it’s horrible for the memory #and don’t even get me started on my headaches #I get atrocious headaches that make me cry sm cause why can’t I be like normal people #but she’s always like idk what you want me to do about it and ik there’s nothing she can do DUH #but why is it that she’s so much more considerate towards other people for general insignificant things AND she expects me to react in #certain ways to her issues but never to mine #I think having chronic headaches to the point of tears IN CLASS as someone who doesn’t cry even when Eris or my mum or whatever messed up #thing happened and yet I cried that shows how bad that is #yet she does not care #I swear to God this is the issue that nobody believes me on anything to do with my health !!! everyone is a freaking liar they’re like we #care BUT NO YOU DO NOT LMFAO how many times have I almost went to hospital yet YOU BRUSH IT ASIDE AS IF IM OVER EXAGGERATING !!!!!!!!#you have went to hospital ONCE in your life and fifty billion people visited you #I have been far more times yet no body fucking visited me ever #people ask me how I’m so tolerant ? it’s cause I had a shitty childhood filled with impossible people of the likes of her #and more !#and people wonder why I’m so insane now in fact I monitor my reactions to everything so well that literally no one has seen truly what my #insanity could consist of #not in the cringe way of hurting others LOL in the most self destructive way possible #this bitch. I should’ve ghosted her ass I should’ve told her how much I hate her since 2018 how much of a horrible person she is how #pathetic she is

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danikamariewrites · 1 year ago

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Azriel x adhd!Reader

A/n: As someone with ADHD I struggle with a lot of stuff like my emotions and daily tasks. I like talking about it bc I don’t think it should be taboo and I hate the stigmatism around it that it’s just people being lazy. If your struggling with ADHD or any other mental health problems know you’re not alone ❤️

Warnings: mentions of mental health struggles, some angst

At first Azriel didn’t understand why your mood could be so up and down all the time. Or why you struggled with getting out of bed some days and others you had so much energy you didn’t know what to do with it.

You didn’t like loud noises, being touched unless you wanted too, and some textures overwhelmed your senses causing you to lash out.

You have a hard time communicating your feelings and he does too, which makes you both frustrated when one of you just brushes the other off or is passive aggressive.

Azriel notices you space out sometimes or that when he’s talking to you, you ask him to repeat things because you didn’t hear him. He thinks it’s odd but brushes it off as you just being preoccupied. He also picks up on your fidgeting but never thought anything of it

One day you both snap at each other resulting in the worst fight you’ve ever had

Azriel ends up going to Rhys for advice because he doesn’t want some stupid fight on a random Monday to be the reason you break up

Azriel tells his brother about the issues that have been building up over the last few months and Rhys, who’s been one of your best friends since childhood, tells him you’ve always been that way

He doesn’t go into detail, it’s your story to tell, but he does tell Az about when you were younger and your parents had Madja come give you a few tests. He remembered being a little nervous for you but you were fine. You just needed a little extra help and attention with things because your brain works differently

Azriel instantly feels bad that he didn’t know

“It’s ok Az, she didn’t even tell me until we were teenagers.” Rhys says sympathetically. “Yeah but I’m the one that’s supposed to be there for her, not get angry with her.” Rhys hugs his brother, insisting he stay the night and that time apart will do you both good

The next morning Az comes home to you baking in the kitchen

You had to move around or the thoughts of Azriel not coming home because you were too much of a burden were going to eat you alive

When you see him you try to apologize but he cuts you off asking if you could sit down and talk

“I don’t want to push, but Rhys told me about when you were younger and the testing with Madja.” He says gently

You take a deep breath, trying to blink your tears away

Sometimes it’s hard for you to talk about your ADHD because you hate to seem weak or different

But you’ve held back long enough and if you didn’t tell Azriel soon you knew you would get worse trying to mask it

You tell him everything. how your energy goes up and down, your depression and that it’s worse because you can’t find the energy to do things

You feel useless sometimes because you forget things or because you don’t listen

He hugs you as you cry into his chest, “I just feel so guilty being this way. I’m sorry Az.”

He brushes away your tears, “It’s ok my love. I know I don’t communicate well either. And I’m sorry, I didn’t know you felt this way. It must’ve been killing you to keep it in.”

From that point forward Azriel was always there to make things better

Your communication improved and fights or the silent treatment became very rare

You weren’t afraid to tell him if something was bothering you or if you needed extra help or attention from him

Azriel and his shadows could pick up if you were being overstimulated or stressed out, so there were times you didn’t even need to ask

If you were out with the group and became uncomfortable Azriel would take you somewhere quite to help calm your anxiety

He’d wrap his wings around you so it would be dark and quite, helping slow your panicked breathing

“It’s ok baby, take a deep breath.” “That’s it, in and out, don’t rush.” “Here feel my heartbeat, can we try and match it?”

If you didn’t like how your sweater or dress was feeling that day he would be there with a back up or give you his own

“Are you sure Az, I don’t want to take it from you then you’ll be cold.” “Don’t worry about me baby, I just want you to be comfortable. Plus I’m built for the cold, Illyrian remember?”

Whenever you start fidgeting it’s usually if you’re bored or nervous. Azriel always keeps a little fidget toy or a pen on him so you can hold it and focus your energy on that. He knows you hate being thought of as a distraction and you think it’s better to focus on a small thing in your hands rather than swinging your feet or pushing your chair around

You thought him knowing about your ADHD would change how he feels about you or treat you differently. You bring this up to him one night in bed, “This doesn’t change the way I feel about you at all. You’re still perfect to me, my love. You just need extra help sometimes and it’s ok to ask for help.”

#acotar fanfiction #acotar reader imagine #acotar #azriel acotar #acotar imagine #azriel x reader #acotar headcanon #azriel fluff #azriel fic #azriel x you #azriel headcanons #acotar reader fic #azriel shadowsinger #azriel fanfic

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diazsdimples · 8 months ago

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WIP Wednesday

Tagged by @theotherbuckley @steadfastsaturnsrings and @puppyboybuckley (who published the final chapter of the Mudslide Fic, PLEASE go read it!)

I wasn’t gonna do this today cause I had the shift from hell and didn’t manage to write anything yesterday between birthday things but I managed to cobble this together after my shift! Frostpunk AU weirdly came back to me so please enjoy this small snippet!

Much to Buck’s relief, both Edmundo and Christopher are still alive when they make it back to the city, in record time as Bobby will have him believe. Rappelling down the cliff with two semi-conscious, reasonably unstable patients is more difficult than they’d initially anticipated, so in a rush of fear as he watches Bobby struggle with Christopher, Buck offers to bring the boy down himself.

Much like they did the day Buck carried Christopher to the cabin, they strap the child to Buck’s chest, using a small harness stored in the med kit on a “just in case” basis. Christophers head clunks repetitively against Buck’s chest as he pushes them off the cliff, slowly letting the rope out with each jump. He wishes that it wasn’t a two-hand job, that he could cradle Christopher’s head with one hand and keep the rope moving with the other.

Above him, Bobby abseils down with Edmundo dangling to the side of him in a basket. They’d done one last temperature check on the two of them before descending into the heavy, cold mist that lay over the city, and Edmundo’s had been the lowest they’d seen it since the rescue. The way Eli’s face had paled and he’d instantly tugged Bobby aside, talking with him in low, hushed tones was enough to tell Buck about the state of his health.

It made a cold, thrill of fear rush down Buck’s spine, settling in the pit of his stomach as a constant reminder of how precarious Edmundo and Christopher’s situation was, as he carried the small boy to safety.

The moment Buck and Christopher touched the ground, they were pounced on by a team of medics, headed by Hen.

“What’s the story, Buck?” Hen asked as she hurried to help peel off Buck’s outer layers and unclip him from the harness.

“Found this guy and his dad half frozen yesterday. He’s probably 7 or 8 years old and got moderate to severe hypothermia. Eli’s been monitoring him and he’s stable but barely conscious. Probably malnourished and seriously dehydrated,” Buck pants as he lowers Christopher onto the stretcher Hen has prepared. The kid’s light brown curls fall over his face, curling against his eyelids and Buck reaches out a tender hand to brush them back before he can stop himself.

If Hen notices, she chooses not to mention the look in his eyes as he does this.

“Alright, we’re going to take him to the med tent now. What about his dad?” Hen asks as two medics swiftly hoist Christopher’s stretcher into the air and run off in the direction of the nearest med tent.

Buck watches, half in a daze as Edmundo is lowered to the ground. His lips are pale and chapped, and his face looks lifeless and devoid of colour as his head lols to the side. A sick feeling creeps through Buck’s body as he thinks of how close they came to not making it back. How close Christopher came to losing his father.

“This is Edmundo Diaz, severe hypothermia, dehydration and malnourishment. He’s had issues with his oxygen and heart rate consistently through the journey home. Hen, he’ll need around the clock care, someone to stay with him, to keep an eye on him,” Buck says, hearing the urgency in his voice as he speaks. He doesn’t know what compels him, other than a sense that Edmundo is the other half of a magnet that’s drawing him ever closer, but Buck continues talking. “You guys can’t spare another medic but I-I don’t mind sitting with him. I’m good at taking his vitals a-and I could keep an eye on the kid.”

Hen eyes him, as if trying to read what his true motivation is. “Go,” she finally says, inclining her head towards the tent. Buck doesn’t need to be told twice.

No pressure tagging @hippolotamus @spotsandsocks @evanbegins @smilingbuckley @thekristen999 @elvensorceress @rainbow-nerdss @wikiangela @daffi-990 @watchyourbuck @disasterbuckdiaz @bucksbackwardcap @fortheloveofbuddie @aroeddiediaz @jesuisici33 @buckbuckgoose @exhuastedpigeon @cal-daisies-and-briars @wildlife4life @slightlyobsessedwitheverything @nmcggg @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @kitteneddiediaz @epicbuddieficrecs @spagheddiediaz @loserdiaz

#james writes #frostpunk au #tired words that probably don’t make sense #hoping this pulls me out of my writing funk #buddie #eddie diaz #911 abc #evan buckley #911 buddie #911verse #911 fanfic #911 #eddie x buck

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royboyfanpage · 9 months ago

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Snowbirds Don’t Fly- Drugs TW (Obviously)

Recently, I created this post about Snowbirds Don’t Fly being told from Roy’s perspective in the Green Arrow 80th anniversary special, and I thought I’d make a separate post with some specific panels from the original Snowbirds. I’m well aware that a lot of people haven’t read the full comic and may only know this-

-infamous slap panel, I myself only read the original 1971 comic recently. So, here’s some other panels from the comic.

For starters, when Ollie finds Roy amongst drug users, his immediate reaction is “oh, Speedy must be undercover!” This could be interpreted one of two ways- trust, or denial. Either one makes his reaction to finding out Roy’s addiction understandable*, since if it’s a reaction based on trust then Roy’s essentially betrayed that trust or, more likely, if it’s a reaction based on denial then finding Roy shooting up is an immediate shattering of the illusion. While this comic obviously focuses on drug use, it’s also common for tons of different issues, be it mental health, sexuality, whatever. Parents like to live in denial about their kids’ issues and, particularly in the 1970s when the idea of ‘gentle parenting’ was a rarity at best, when that illusion is broken it can cause parents to lash out when faced with evidence of what they’re denying. Even if you don’t personally see Ollie and Roy’s relationship as father/son, that is very clearly the dynamic portrayed in this comic.

*note the wording; understandable, not justifiable. Are Ollie’s actions justified? No. Are they understandable based on the circumstances and time period? Yes.

I’m putting these two panels together because I think they fit well. A common misinterpretation I see for the circumstances leading up to Roy’s heroin addiction is that Ollie was neglecting him. However, it’s stated in the comic that Ollie’s not seen him in one month, and while Roy’s age isn’t specifically stated, he’s an adult at this point (I don’t have any sources for it, but I believe he was living on his own at this point). A parent not seeing their adult child for one month isn’t neglect. In Ollie’s eyes, he hasn’t done anything wrong. The aspect of neglect comes from Roy. I’ve talked about Roy’s fear of abandonment in my pinned post, so check that out for more. Roy has a need to be surrounded by the people he cares about- he’s very rarely a solo hero, and is the most vocal objector whenever the Titans disband. So what Ollie would have seen as giving Roy space and letting his now-adult son have his independence, Roy saw it as a sign that he was no longer wanted. Is this either of their faults? No. And not to keep bringing up the 70s again, but it was the 70s. Would a young-adult superhero tell his father/mentor that he was scared of being alone? Absolutely not, that would have been seen as emasculating, so he bottled it up meaning Ollie had absolutely no clue as to what Roy was feeling whenever he’d leave.

And then this is the page following the slap panel, which essentially sums up my point in my last snowbirds post. Ollie’s immediate reaction after “kicking Roy out” (another thing I commonly see Ollie haters using- again, Roy lived on his own at this point) is blaming himself, the fear of having failed Roy, and then the stifling of that blame, justifying it to himself mentally. Honestly I think this panel is more significant in art than dialogue in a lot of ways- the way Ollie turns his head away when Roy’s talking to him, he knows he’s in the wrong, but admitting he’s wrong would go against the “father knows best” ideology of that time. And then in the third panel, the conflicting emotions is visible in his eyes. He doesn’t know what to think, the illusion is broken, and he can’t ignore Roy’s issues any longer.

And then there’s Hal, the narrative foil to Ollie in this comic. Unlike Ollie, Hal doesn’t have that illusion, at least not as strongly as Ollie does, since he’s always played the role of a supportive uncle figure, but never a father. He’s able to recognise that Roy was speaking from experience, or at least had a hunch, and actively sought out Roy afterwards. However, he also doesn’t have a saviour complex. He knows that he personally doesn’t have the skillset necessary to help Roy, so he brings him to someone who does, recognising that its more important that Roy gets the help he needs rather than Hal stepping in and doing it himself in typical “hero” fashion.

This panel doesn’t tie into my overarching argument, but I just wanted to take a moment to criticise Roy’s recovery story in the New 52. The idea that Roy was suicidal before Killer Croc (???) dragged him to rehab/AA, and would not have gotten better without being forced, is a major disservice to Roy’s character (then again, what in RHaTO isn’t?) Roy made the decision to get clean himself, and you can feel his resolve even despite him clearly not being in his right state of mind. Roy Harper got clean because he accepted help, and because he himself made that choice. Back to your regularly scheduled programming.

And then, of course, there’s the most significant person in Roy’s recovery; Dinah. Keep in mind Dinah and Roy barely even knew each other at this point, I’m pretty sure in Arsenal #1 it’s shown she didn’t even know his name was Roy until Snowbirds (though there may be other sources that contradict this). Dinah was 100% Roy’s biggest supporter in his recovery- she took him in when he was at his lowest, and as a result they developed such a strong bond and relationship. While I disagree with the concept of Dinah as the ‘Arrowmum’, mostly because A) she didn’t even know Roy until he was already in adulthood and B) it’s a gross oversimplification and diminishment of her character, there are undeniable aspects of their relationship which are mother/son-coded, and I believe she has referred to Roy as “my boy” in later comics, though again I don’t have sources to back this up. Either way, Dinah and Roy’s relationship started with Roy’s lowest and has continued as mutual care and respect and I love them a lot.

And finally, the ending page. Ollie *listens* to Roy at the end of Snowbirds. Now that the illusion’s already lifted, that there aren’t lies and rose tinted glasses separating them, Ollie’s able to actually listen to what Roy’s saying without immediately shrugging it off because it conflicts with his own perception. And he feels *proud* of Roy, proud of his recovery, and proud of his beliefs. If Ollie were truly the neglectful, abusive guy some fans paint him out to be, he wouldn’t be proud. Hell, he wouldn’t even be there. Keep in mind this final scene takes place at the funeral of one of Roy’s addict friends who overdosed earlier in the issue, a funeral Ollie attended.

Snowbirds Don’t Fly was written to show the audience addiction through someone they’re familiar with- Green Arrow’s sidekick, Speedy, someone we know is a hero and one of the good guys. It’s made to contradict the belief that addiction is a moral failing, that anyone could develop an addiction under certain circumstances. And what it shows the readers, it also shows Ollie. Ollie sees someone he cares about going through addiction, and it causes him to reevaluate his own biases and beliefs.

In conclusion, while the slap was definitely not justified, it was also not the part of the comic readers should focus on. The story of Snowbirds Don’t Fly, at least for Ollie, is one of a hero being forced to face one of his own beliefs, to struggle to reconcile said beliefs with new information, and eventually to change his beliefs as a result of new experiences. It’s called character growth, and that’s what Snowbird’s about. So stop calling Oliver Queen an abuser.

#tw drugs #roy harper #arsenal #red arrow #speedy #dc comics #green arrow #oliver queen #snowbirds don't fly #dinah lance #black canary #hal jordan #green lantern

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thecapricunt1616 · 9 months ago

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The Bear & His Honey Chapter 4

Inspo: Quote- “ Innocence died screaming, honey, ask me- I should know. I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door.” Dedication: @daysofyellowroses - bestie thank you for inspiring and encouraging me to write. I haven’t felt more alive and inspired then I have in the past few days writing again. Thank you!! This is for you loveyyyy. Summary: Winnie & Carmy get closer. Have a marg over a mini therapy session, Winnie fixes up Carm’s panic injury. They find out there may just have been a single thread of gold tying them together the entire time. W/C: 5,484 A/N: Oh my lanta y’all!! 2 chapters in one day?! I promise- PROMISEEE tonight I am figuring a master list out, because I (myself) have been struggling to keep things canon to the story by having to scroll and scroll through my page to find each part to see what I said for Winnie, LOL! So get hype for that, I love this chapter even more then the last bc it has more Carmy, but Richie is so fun to write and I can’t wait for he&Winnies friendship to bloom!!! For my canon Carmy continues going to therapy once or so a week / a support group type talk therapy so that is why he shares more than he would in the show. It’s on his one day off so that’s why he is able to continue making it, and he thrives on routine so going once a week keeps him regulated. Warnings for BTC: A little bit of smut, angst, mentions of suicide, mentions of vehicular accidents ending in death, mentions of self-harm, mentions of severe injury, negative self-talk, feminine yearning (ofc), fluffy fluff (enough for your teeth to rot out of ur face), panic disorder, mentions of a panic attack, heavy petting, alcohol, mentions of smoking cigarettes, mental health issues, exhausted Carmy LOL

𝒞𝒽𝑒𝒸𝓀 𝒪𝓊𝓉 𝑀𝓎 𝑀𝒶𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓁𝒾𝓈𝓉!

Read Chapter 3

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

The door flings open and before I could even get a good look at him his arms were wrapped tightly around my waist, his large hands resting on my rib cage, and thumbs gently rubbing soothing strokes. I gasped a bit in surprise at the contact, his muscular chest pressed to mine. Pulling me tighter and he nuzzles his face in my neck, his hot breath causing goosebumps to appear all over my skin. I inhaled his scent, a bit of his musky spicy cologne still left over after the long day, cigarette smoke, and a day of working, but he didn’t smell bad at all. I would buy a fucking candle of it if I could, and never burn it so it lasts forever.

He needed this hug.

“Thank you f’ comin’, Winnie. I really need a drink, like now” he said quietly and I bit my lip, my hands rubbing soothing circles in the middle of his back. “Course, you think I’d turn down a free drinky-drink from the sexiest little Chef boy in Chicago?” He chuckled into my neck, feeling a small smile press into my skin. “I’m sorry” he pulls away and I finally am able to look at him.

His hair is a mess, cheeks are stained red, his eyes are bloodshot and glazed over like he’d been crying, he rubs the back of his neck and I see a bit of smeared blood over his forearm. “It’s- it’s okay, hard day?” I asked, twiddling my fingers anxiously, worried he was going to ask me to leave and tell me that it wasn’t a good time anymore. “Ye’” he replied in a sigh and I swallowed hard.

“D-did you- sorry,” my voice coming out small and meek. I clear my throat “Was it- not a good time for you? It’s fine, totally, totally fine…should have given my number I guess - but I can-“ I motion my thumb to the door down the hall.

“No! No, please, stay. It’s - it’ll be nice. To like- to see you. I meant sorry about,” he squeezes his eyes shut, shaking his head “sorry for like- flinging myself on you?” He says and I giggle, causing him to look at me.

“I love hugs! You give great hugs, is that why your sister calls you Bear? Oh my god!! Wait. This is your- that’s so cool, Carmen! You’re so cool!” I motioned to the restaurant, alluding to the name. “That’s so fuckin cool dude!” He smiled, shoving his hands in his pockets shyly and looking at his feet.

“Thank you, but- uh. No. I’m not…usually a hugger which is why I’m also surprised I did that, guess I needed it. They call me bear cause - well. Don’t poke the bear kinda thing” he said and I took a few steps forward, our toes almost touching and his eyes met mine again. I raise my hand, and gently poke the flower tattoo adorning his left arm with my forefinger and smile. “Gonna bite me?” I quip, lifting my hands and poking short pokes all over his chest and he laughs a bit.

“Y’re cute” he said and I put a final poke on his nose, blush rising to my cheeks at the statement. “And very thirsty. Pour me a drink will you, bartender?” I turned around on the ball of my foot swiftly, walking with pep back into the kitchen and I look back at him, to find his eyes practically undressing me from where I’d left him moments ago. I grin, putting my hands on my hips “You staring at my ass isn’t making me any less thirsty over here, bartender!” I said and he blushes “sorry…sorry”

He comes out and places a hand at the small of my back leading me to the main part of the restaurant and towards the bar “you just - uh…you look really good. I’m sorry, I didn’t have time to get home, I wanted to but - shit just got outta control, Syd forgot about this huge cannoli order and we forgot to get the powdered sugar with the last resupply so I had to make powdered sugar - it was just-” I rub my hand up his arm gently, stopping him and grabbing his attention.

“It’s fine Carmen. You look fine. I’ll admit, a little bit tired. But you worked all day, I’ve been there” I shrug and he nods a bit, “thanks” he said softly walking behind the bar. I get up on one of the bar stools, crossing my legs and resting my chin in my palm looking over the restaurant and tapping my nails on the table. “This place is super nice, Carm, you should be so proud of yourself. It feels fancy but inviting too.” I hum admiring the lights and artwork on the walls.

“Why thank you, we all worked really hard. I’m surprised it came together every day, but super grateful.” He said, taking Patron off of the middle shelf and scooping ice into the mixer, counting to himself as he pours it. “Doesn’t show, you run a tight ship it sounds, Chef” I smiled. He snorts “how would you know? Or is it just the pans from earlier” he said and threw a few slices of jalapeño, lime, and mint in to the cup before closing it tightly and shaking.

“Yes and no, Richie told me, said that you were a good boy today though, and your sister was the one causing trouble” blush creeps into his cheeks. “Ye’ and see what happens when I’m ‘good’ as you told me to do? Shit got fucked” he pours in some club soda and mixes it with a bar spoon before pouring us both a glass. “Mmmm. Was that because you weren’t barking orders, or because something happened out of your control, and you’re blaming yourself?” I asked honestly and he set my glass down in front of me, biting his lip for a moment.

“Everything is out of my fucking control” he muttered and shook his head, as if it was a quiet, painful reminder to himself. “Most things, in most people’s lives, are out of our control” I gently rest my hand over his and he meets my eyes. “The only things you can control is if, and when you fall apart, and how well you glue yourself back together.” I said earnestly and he swallows thickly, nodding.

“I like that..thank you” he said and I nod. “Don’t worry, I won’t charge you- this time. But d’ya think I can get a fancy umbrella or somethin’ for this drink?” I smiled and nudged it toward him, he chuckled, shaking his head “you are somethin’ else, Winnie” he crouches down behind the bar with a grunt.

“Fuck. I’m 26 but my back feels 90” he said and I laughed a bit. “It’s all the cookin’! And being on your feet too damn much, My mom is a massage therapist, you should let me give you a massage sometime.” I said and he got back up, groaning dramatically which made me giggle. “For you, dear.” He drops a little pink umbrella into my cup.

“Oh my goodness you poor thing. Come sit down” I pat the spot next to me and plucked my bag off the seat, hanging it off the back of my chair. He comes around the bar, plopping down in the chair next to me with a sigh of relief. “I will absolutely take you up on your massage offer sometime.” He said, rubbing over his face tiredly and running his hands through his muss of curls before taking a sip of his own drink.

“Please do, I’ll pull out all the stops for ya’, but just so you know- a happy ending comes with a pretty cost” I said flirtatiously and nudged his leg with my boot playfully. He chuckled and looked over at me “yea? Thanks for the heads up I’ll be sure to budget accordingly for my trip to Winnie’s Massage Parlor” he teased and I laughed a bit.

“Yess!! Please do! There’s also Winnie’s salon, Winnie's hospital, and Winnie’s library!! Come by for all your daily needs I’ma’ Jane of all trades” I shrug and take another sip of my drink. “Speaking of” I take his left arm, looking at the inner part near the crook, where 4 large scratches were, done so violently that the skin beneath was turning into a speckled bruise meaning by morning it would be a dark purple.

“What happened?” I ask softly, my finger tip gently brushing over the untouched skin over the smeared, dried out blood below the wound. “Ahh-“ he shakes his head “it’s stupid. It’s not even bad don’t worry about it” he said and I looked at him, concerned. “Did- did Sug-“ he cuts me off quickly “Sugar, would never hurt me.” He said, his tone was deadly serious.

I nodded quickly, swallowing hard. “Okay, Carm, I believe you” I said softly and squeezed his wrist gently. “Will you…let me take care of you- please?” I ask quietly, looking into his eyes, my gaze pleading for a yes.

“So Winnie’s hospital is mobile?” He said with a small teasing smile. I roll my eyes playfully. “Yes, let’s go find the first aid kit, and honestly it’s pretty but like - empty in here and… I dunno” I bit my lip, hoping he got the hint and he nods “sure we - we can uh. Yeah. Let’s go sit in Sugars office. She has a couch” I nodded and hopped off the seat, gasping when the corner of it hooks onto the hem of my skirt as I get down and pulls it up, exposing my backside clad in a lacy red thong through the sheer bum part of my fleeced nylons.

“Oh my god!” I blurt as I quickly pulled it back down, my cheeks on fire, and my heart pounding in embarrassment. I hear Carmen burst out in laughter behind me making my embarrassment grow and I turned around, crossing my arms over my chest, my eyebrows becoming furrowed. “Hey!” I snip “what’s so funny!! Why were you looking peeping tom!” I whine and he covers his mouth to stifle the laughter.

“To make sure your munchkin self didn’t trip off of the stool in those clunky ass boots!! Being a gentleman really paid off for me there” he said and I went over slapping his arm gently with a smile growing on my face. “I guess it’s a good thing I wore panties or I would’ve mooned you” I grab my drink and turn around, a surprised chuckle coming from him.

“Holy shit, you go commando?” He asks, holding the kitchen door open for me “sometimes, she needs to breathe!!” I said with a shrug and pushed my bag up on my shoulder as I followed him back to Sugars office. “But what if you get horny?” He asked and I laughed, nudging him with my elbow. “Dude!! Richie said you were not forward with girls, that’s pretty forward” I set my bag down on sugars desk and he plops down on the big comfy sofa pulling out a recliner on his side and he sighs, closing his eyes.

“Gimme a sec’ this is the first time my feet are up since 1” he said and I sat down next to him, “you haven’t sat down since I left?!” I asked and he shook his head, opening his eyes and head falling to the side on the cushion to look at me. “Mm-mm” he hummed in response. “Where’s the first aid kit? I’ll find it” I said and he rubs his face, thinking.

“Uhhh. Oh there’s one in here actually, go over to the other side of Sug’s desk, it should be tucked there next to the wall” he said and took a sip of his drink. I got up, going where he said and I leaned over, completely forgetting the rules of skirts by mistake. “You’re a fucking tease” he said lowly and my heart pounds, my stomach fluttering wildly, and my core beginning to twitch and throb in excitement.

“What’s not nice about helping a new friend clean up their boo-boo’s?” I asked innocently, a small smile on my lips as I turned and sat down on the couch on the cushion next to him. He smirks “you…are gonna make me crazy” he said softly and closed his eyes, resting his head on the back of the sofa. I opened the kit, taking out hand sanitizer, saline wipes, gauze, and triple antibiotic.

“Wait-“ he said his eyes flickering open “you- you met Richie?” He asks as if I hadn’t been mentioning him since I walked in the door, my eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “It’s like- the first thing I said when I got here.” I said and he sighs softly. “I’m…sorry.” He finally said, like he was contemplating whether to say more. “That’s ok, you had a hard day” I took his arm gently, laying it across my lap. “What did he say? How bad did he embarrass me?” He questions and I giggle a bit, sanitizing my hands before opening a saline wipe.

“Not at all! He said you’re shy with girls, that he’s surprised you asked me out cause he thinks I’m pretty, and apparently, doesn’t think you are very funny- but I on the other hand, seemed to make him laugh a lot so- got you beat” I teased with a smile as I ever gently wipe over the wounds.

He snorts “well, you are pretty, he’s an asshole but right.” He said and I looked up at him “not many people make me laugh anymore, you seem to, though.” I said honestly, and he tugs his lip between his teeth to catch a grin from taking over his features. “Yea?” He asks quietly with a blush going across the bridge of his nose and cheeks. “Mmhmm” I hum in reply, putting the ointment on and carefully rubbing it in.

It was quiet for a moment before he says “I’m sorry.” Causing me to look up at him, but his gaze was stuck on the ceiling. “This wasn’t - I wanted to do something nice for you and… I’m sorry.” I stop working on his arm “sorry for what, Carm? This is so nice. The drink is really good, thank you for making it, I’m glad to be here.” I said honestly and placed my hand on top his.

His icy blue eyes meet mine, looking over my face slowly and locking on my lips. His eyes flick back to mine when he responds “you just look so pretty, like you should be on a real date. Not here fuckin-“ he sighs, looking down at his arm then back at me. “Dealing with my stupid mistake.” I shook my head and wrapped up his arm with a bandage to keep it clean and dry while he slept and it could scab over.

“This is a real date. You own a restaurant. Carmen. Look at me.” I order and he looks into my eyes. “You, just you, asking me to come see you, to be together, to get to know each other? You are enough. This is a date. An awesome date. I’m having fun, are you having fun?” I asked and he smiled a bit.

“No, but….” He trails off, looking at his lap and I felt my heart physically ache, my face drooping “peace” he finally said “I feel…at peace, with you around. I noticed it when we were outside earlier, I came out for a smoke cause I was about to absolutely loose it on Syd, and I don’t- I- I can’t do that to her. So I went out and I totally forgot my light and then..you were there and I forgot about everything.” He said.

Goosebumps arise on my skin at the admission, the warmth in my chest returning at full force. “And - I thought about you…all day- all-all day. Not like- god I sound like a creep” he takes his arm, rubbing his face in embarrassment. “I thought about you too.” I reply softly. “I thought about you…a lot. Actually.” I bit my lip and his eyes met mine, searching for truth and it was all he found in my locked gaze.

“Not like- I just couldn’t understand how I felt. But the more I think… I do this thing.” He rubs his chin as he thinks. “Learned it in therapy, they said when you can’t figure out how a person or a situation made you feel, you can like think of people and situations that you do know how you feel about, and keep comparing them until you find a match. S-so when I thought of you.” He swallows thickly and I sit up, completely entrenched in listening to him.

“I found that things that gave me the same feelings w-were like…my one day off a week that I don’t have to be here. I think of…the fucking morning I went to Central Park and watched the sunrise and it was so..so quiet. I think- I think” he presses his lips together. “O-of-of Mikey. Of my brother. He’s dead. But. H-he. He protected me a lot, growin’ up. Helped me out. A lot. I felt like when Mikey was around, it was alright. And that’s how I felt earlier. I’m sorry-“ he shakes his head, putting the recliner down and finishing off his drink.

“Why?” I ask and squeeze his hand “that’s…so, so sweet. You make me feel at peace too, unless you’re angry- but I was worried for you and what happened. I’m so happy I make you feel like that, Carmen. Thank you for sharing, may I hug you?” I ask gently and he looks at me a bit surprised. “Y-yea ‘fcourse c’mere” he opened his arms and I wrapped him in a warm embrace. “The way you make me laugh makes me feel the way my brother did when he made me laugh, we were twins. He died.” I said just above a whisper.

He rests his cheek on the top of my head, rubbing soothing circles in my back as I did for him earlier. “I’m so sorry, what was his name?” He asked, equally as quiet. “Chris, Christopher” I felt my lip quiver, that never dulling ache in my chest throbbing at the memory of him.

“Oh, wow” he whispered “Winnie and Christopher” I felt him smiling on my hair “your parents knew what they were doin’ with names, that’s adorable.” He said and I smiled a bit. “Thank you, can you guess what our nursery was?” I look up at him and he raises his eyebrows.

“Hmm.. let me think. Oh! I know, Dumbo?” He says sarcastically and I laugh, closing my eyes and nuzzling my face in his neck “Silly. Winnie the Pooh, I always said it was my room, because they had a big wall sticker of Winnie and all his animal friends, but not one of Christopher since they couldn’t find one. He hated that” I said and his fingers gently rubbed over the spot of bare skin between my skirt and my top. I feel him chuckle a bit “that’s cute” he said.

“How did Mikey…” I trail off, his fingers stilling. “Shot ‘emself” he said plainly and my hug around his torso tightens “I’m so sorry” I whisper in to his skin. “What about Chris?” He asked and I swallowed thickly. “We got in a motorcycle accident. I still can’t talk about it.” I said as evenly and emotionlessly as I could, if I opened that flood gate there was no shutting it.

“Oh- my god. Wow. I’m so sorry, I’m so glad you’re….” He trails off, realizing the other victim was very much not ok in any sense of the word. I sit up, taking my half full drink off the table and drinking it down in 3 big gulps. “Want another?” He asks and I shake my head, “work tomorrow” I said and he nods, “yeah me too” he muttered rubbing over his face.

“Can I…get your number?” I asked and he nodded sitting up “course you can” he said and took his phone out of his pocket, logged in and opened up a new contact screen, offering it to me. “Only if I can have yours” he said with a small smile. “Of course!!” I took it from him.

Winnie 🍯

I put as the contact name, and type in my number, hitting save before handing it back. I do the same for him on my phone and hand it to him, when it’s returned, I see

Carm🐻

I smile, deleting the emoji and switching it for a 🧸 instead. I show him with a tilt of my wrist “cause your awesome hugs.” I said and smiled, saving it again. He blushes, smiling and shaking his head “I think you’re the one who gives good hugs, you smell like honey and you’re all soft.” He said and I giggle. “I’m glad you like my perfume” I said and pushed my hair behind my shoulders.

“I do, it’s very nice. You live around here?” He asks and I nod “2 blocks that-a-way” I point behind us and he raises his eyebrows. “Really, what street?” He asked “Kensington Ave. The brownstones” I said and he chuckled “No shit. I live in the high rise across the way” he said and my mouth drops. “Wow. Work neighbors, and building neighbors, we’ve never met?” I giggle “you've been avoiding me?” I ask and he chuckles “never, uhh. I’m like never home. I go there to sleep for a few hours, and my days off I…sleep…the whole day usually, I usually get home around 1am and leave at like 4ish, sometimes 5 if I sleep in” I raise my eyebrows in disbelief.

“3 hours of sleep and you wonder why you feel 90? You need to sleep Carmen. You’re gonna have a heart attack.” I said and he chuckled. “If I would only be that lucky'' he joked, taking our empty glasses to the kitchen and I followed him “no- i'm serious, like you’re gonna drive yourself nuts.” I said, leaning on the counter watching him wash the glasses.

“I am already there sweetheart don’t worry, been there- ahh let’s see, 20? Maybe 19. So 7 years of insanity give or take.” He said and I giggled, shaking my head. “You are not nuts. A crazy person couldn’t run a restaurant.” I said and he snorted “that speaking is the mind of someone who doesn’t work in a restaurant. No, you have to be a psycho to do this shit. Especially at the level I do it.” He shuts off the sink, putting the cups on the drying rack and leaning on his elbows on the table mirroring me from across.

“I think you’re very, very passionate.” I brush his curls from his eyes “and that you sometimes get in your own way by not allowing people to help you.. which can make things harder” I said and he smiled, amusedly. “How do you already know so much about me, have you been stalking and avoiding me so I don’t find out?” He teases and I laugh. “Shut up, no. I have not. I dunno… like our souls know each other. That’s how I feel.” I shrug, crossing my hands under my chin and looking at him.

“Hmm” he says. “Do you believe in past lives?” He asks and I nod “for sure. And future ones. I don’t think we can learn everything in one go that our souls need” I shrug and he nods a bit. “We need to talk more about this when I don’t have a pounding headache from being so overtired” he said softly and I pout, “c'mon let’s walk home.” I said and headed back to the office to grab my things.

“I just have to go to the back and get my stuff gimme a few” he said from the kitchen. I waited by the island, shawl back on and bag on my shoulder. When he comes back out, my breath gets caught in my throat. Hes wearing delicious light grey sweatpants, blue Nike sneakers, and a plain white champion hoodie. As he lifted his arms to put his backpack on, the hoodie rode up, revealing his tight, toned stomach, and deep, deep V line. I lick my lips, imagining myself on my knees worshiping his god-like figure and he clears his throat.

I looked up again, realizing he completely caught me red handed checking him out like the hottest new library book and I felt my cheeks heat, giving a shy smile. “Ready?” He asked and I nod “ready” I said meekly, mentally face palming for my lack of discretion. “Y’know it’s not a bad thing to check me out, right? I guess for earlier you can call us even” He asked as we walked down the hallway and I nearly tripped over my own feet at the boldness. “Fuck you” I roll my eyes playfully and he opens the door for me.

“I’m a little tired right now, but for you? Anything. Your place or mine?” He asked and I laughed, slapping his chest playfully “you are a naughty, naughty little boy” I teased, wrapping my arms around his bicep as we walked. “Just letting you know allll the ways this glorious date could end” he said, a smug smirk on his face and I shook my head, looking at the sidewalk.

This was so nice. I usually am needing to check behind me every couple steps, am tensing at every noise or stranger I pass, but with Carmen I feel protected. Secure.

“I’ve never actually been able to enjoy this at night, I’m always looking over my shoulder wondering if I need to get my switchblade out” I chuckle shaking my head. “Switchblade? Damn. Can I see it?” He asks and I nod, digging in my purse and pulling out the pink knife attached with a MyMelody keychain to a can of mace.

I pulled away from him, hopping a few steps ahead. “Everybody watch out! I’m a woman that’s armed and dangerous!!” I giggle, clicking the little button and the hello kitty blade swings out with a click. He laughs, and I faced him, waving it around the air in front of me lightly “what’s so funny huh? I’m menacing Carmen, imagine I mugged you right now with a hello kitty knife” I said, causing him to laugh harder, clutching his stomach.

“Oh my god - please” he snorts in laughter causing me to laugh. “Awww little piggy!!” I teased and he gasps pretending to be offended. “okay! Rude! You better not snort ever or you’ll be the piggy miss” he said making me start laughing again “you are at my mercy right now, sir, have you so easily forgotten?” I gently wave the pewny knife in front of his face.

“Oh you sweet thing. I know you wouldn’t hurt a fly.” He plucks it from my fingers easily, closing it. “Only because I have the strongest little chef in all of Chicago to protect me. My knight in sexy gray sweatpants and a white sweatshirt” I mused, a playful smile dancing on my lips. “Mmm ok we’re getting there. I don’t like the little part, but- we’ll get there” he joked, dropping the knife back in my purse.

“Oh, yeah?” I said, grabbing his arm again as we continued, our buildings come in to view. One of my hands trains down his arm, slinking my fingers to wrap between his. “Mmhmm” he hummed.

I stopped again, standing in front of him and wrapping my arms around his neck loosely, standing on my tip-toes even in my heels to reach his ear. “I think that you know, that I know, you’re the sexiest, most hard working, passionate, gentleman - that I’ve ever had the pleasure of having a chance with. And I also think that you know, I have bratty tendencies, and love pulling your chain because I know it gets you going. You wanna know what I’m 100% sure of, though?” My sultry hot breath caused goosebumps to come up on his neck, his hands wrapping around my waist and squeezing gently. “Was’ that baby” he said softly, his voice laced with desire. I lace my fingers in his hair, gently tugging at his frizzy curls from the day.

“I’m sure that you need a brat. Because what you need, Carmy.” I nibbled at his ear gently. His breath hitches in his throat, biting his lip to silence a soft moan. I wasn’t quite sure where all of this raw confidence and honesty was coming from, likely from the strong drink Carmy had made and my being a lightweight.

“Is to be able to force someone in their place, and have full unrelinquished control over the entire situation. For someone to give themselves to you, be fully yours. To use. To love. To worship. Whatever you desire. Cause you’re a control freak. But that’s sexy, that’s soo sexy. I love a man who knows what he needs” I place a soft, lingering kiss on his racing pulse point.

His hands trail down, cupping my ass before squeezing roughly and I moan softly at the contact. His hands were so strong, so large, but somehow the touch was still lacking confidence. “C-can I” he says softly, “can I kiss you, please?” He whispers. I lift my face to meet his, our noses brushing as I rest my forehead on his, looking into his eyes. His pupils were blown wide from both the dark and lust, the only peak of blue being a tiny sliver.

“That depends,” I said with a smirk adorning my lips, I nuzzle my nose against his gently. “Will you kiss me how you want, Carm? Or how you think I want?” I ask and he licks his lips. “I want to make you happy” he whispers, I twirl a curl at the base of his neck around my finger. “It will make me happy, if you take what you want from me” I whispered.

Before I could blink, his lips were on mine, kissing me hungrily- a war of tongue and lips, my fingers tightening around his hair and tugging smiling proudly when he moaned into my mouth. His hands trail my skirt, lifting it slightly to massage my backside in his hands wantingly. I let him take me, dominate me, own me in that moment, matching his hot feverish kisses as well as the sweet, gentle ones. We only broke apart to breathe, our chests rising and falling at an equal rapid pace. His lips were slick from our kiss, swollen from the rough encounter. He was beautiful.

The only sound was the infrequent car passing, or the sound of the crickets that had made their homes in the small patches of grass on the side of the sidewalk that housed the trees.

“I want you to come to family”

Read Chapter 5 Here!

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