#and I am addicted to making moodboards

[dandelionsunset1210]

I just need this love spiral by dandelionsunset_1210 on Ao3

Rated T | Complete | 80,624 words

"I will love him in the mornings, before the sun has risen outside our open window, and in the middle of the night when he guards me from my worst nightmares. I will love him when the world feels gray and I can’t get out of bed, and when his knuckles go white and he can’t remember what’s real or not."

A post “So, After” Everlark fic

[salembehindbars]

There has to be heroin in Gilmore Girls because for a show I have so many criticisms on and so much beef with, I will STILL rewatch it and I would give my liver to live in Stars Hollow.

[agirlwithglam]

"shes literally perfect! how can someone be that perfect??"

make them obsessed! affirmations <3

reminder: become obsessed with yourself first. if u can't, then make something out of yourself. have something to be obsessed about. | moodboard by me!

i am respected and loved

i am loved unconditionally

i am cherished and appreciated

i am their dream person

i am constantly on their mind

i am completely irresistible

i am desired by them

i am their favourite person

i am their priority

everyone loves spoiling me with gifts and treats

everything about me is attractive

they are so obsessed with me

they daydream about me all day

they love everything about me

they want me so bad

they are obsessed with my personality

they ADORE me

they always make time for me

they always want to be in my presence

they love to be around me

my vibe is addicting

they miss me so much

they would never want to do anything to hurt me

they cherish and value our relationship / friendship

no one comes before me and nothing can compare to me

i have it all! beauty, humour, intelligence, personality, <3

[ivysprophecy]

Am I Okay? Masterlist

summary: y/n moves to the outerbanks thanful for a fresh start away from a very heavy past. once she gets there she falls into this diverse crowd of kooks, pogues, and everything in between. north carolina may be the south but she shows them what texan looks like. shockingly, rafe takes interest in his sisters friend. someone so drastically different from him. girl next door. what ever will he do?

authors note: im gonna be honest a LOT of this fic is gonna be self serving. i know its not gonna be everyones cup of tea but i started making it for my friends and i and its really grown so i decided to post. there will be a lot of names you wont recoginze and with that being said its got quite the back story so i will be posting a sort of 'key' if that makes sense.

throughout this fic i will be touching on some sensitive subjects such as physical abuse, drug addiction, drug rehab, ptsd, and more as we go on. this is something thats going to affect you please continue at your own risk.

some other notes will be that this is not show accurate entirely, as i said this was VERY self serving and very, fanon, if you will. the pogues and kooks get along, no to little topper or kelce mentions.

[ read before starting series! ]

key | profiles part one | profiles part two | profiles part three | moodboard

[ smau series are labeled as 'part's and written series are labeled as 'chapter's ]

| part one | chapter one | part two | part three | part four | part five | part six | part seven | chapter two | part eight | part nine | part ten | part eleven | part twelve | chapter three | part thirteen a | part thirteen b | part fourteen | part fifteen | part sixteen | part seventeen | part eighteen | part nineteen | part twenty | part twenty one | part twenty two | part twenty three | part twenty four | part twenty five | part twenty six | part twenty seven |

[otterspaceastrology]

Pick a Card Reading + MoodBoard

What does your Future Spouse look like?

Disclaimers

Readings are for entertainment purposes, so please take with a grain of salt and enjoy!

When I talk about masculine and feminine, I am talking about energy so that can apply to any gender or identity.

When picking a pile, use your intuition, close your eyes, relax and think of the question and then open your eyes and let it be drawn naturally to a pile, repeat as many times as you need to know it’s your pile. Of course you can do it any way you want that’s just my preferred method!

Now on to the Readings!

Pile One

Romantic Activist

The Lovers, Page of Wands, Justice

Virgo, 8th house, Uranus

Popular, Stoic, Funny

Thick Eyebrows, Pale Skin, Short Eyelashes, Pierced Ears

Pile One your Future Spouse is definitely one to always stand up for there beliefs! This has gained them so much genuine popularity not based on anything shallow but because they treat everyone with kindness and respect! I feel like this reflects in their sweet smile and bright eyes, especially when in your presence their face lights up! They can’t get enough of you, you could say they’re addicted to you!

Pile Two

Coming Out of a Transformation

The Hanged Man, Judgment, 7 of Swords

Taurus, Mars, 12th House

Caring, Planner, Curious

Long Eyelashes, Soft Jaw, Gray Eyes, Fine hair

Pile Two Your Future Spouse has gone through a huge change in appearance before you meet or get together! For example a glow up, fitness journey or even an actual transition. This journey was probably quite difficult for them but it made them realize anything is possible and give them an undeniable ambition! I can see them using that ambition in their pursuit of your love! They are quite romantic and bold!

Pile Three

A Little Shy at First

9 of Cups, 3 of Pentacles, Ace of Pentacles

Moon, 3rd House, Aries

Quiet, Spontaneous, Energetic

Wavy Hair, Kinky Hair, Thin Lips, Small Ears

Pile Three your Future Spouse is a bit of an enigma, on the outside they seem shy and reserved but in reality they crave adventure! They are quiet with people until they gain a sense of trust and comfort, then they will talk your ear off about all the fun things they want to do or start planing spontaneous getaways with you! They also are quite abundant and satisfied with their lives, All they need now is you!

Thank you so much for reading my pick a card I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did making it!🥰✨

Collages are made by me on Pinterest, but I own none of the photos.

[aurorawritestoescape]

I’m finally taking part in Tootathon and I’m so excited! Huge thank you to @jolapeno for coming up with such a wholesome and wonderful event! I’ve been seeing and admiring everyone’s posts about their 2024 faves and I’m smooching y’all for the tags😘 @sawymredfox @myownwholewildworld @joelmillerisapunk @milla-frenchy @itwasntimethatdidit40 @mermaidgirl30 @sanarsi @sunshineispunk @evolnoomym @iamasaddie 💖 dividers by @bernardsbendystraws

SERIES

Bad Blood - step uncle Joel Miller x f!reader x stepdad Tommy Miller

Summary: you want your stepdad and your step uncle offers to help.

ONE SHOTS

Always And Forever - Jackson Joel x f!reader

Summary: Joel comes home after a hard day on patrol and you comfort him.

Good Girl - Professor Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary: you get caught in the rain on your way to Professor Miller’s house and your lesson gets derailed.

Steam - Javier Peña x f!reader

Summary: you take a shower with Javi

Table For Three - Joel Miller x f!reader x Dave York

Summary: you’re having a great time on your date but a man from your past interrupts it and makes it…better?

His - dark!Joel x f!reader x dark!Tommy x m!OCs

DDDNE NON CON gangbang - Heed the warnings!!

Addicted - Max Phillips x f!reader

Summary: Max gives you everything you need but can you stop when the pleasure gets addictive?

Going Down - Joel Miller x f!reader | Frankie Morales x f!reader

Summary: you have a hot boyfriend and a hot ex who’s still obsessed with you. Why not get the best of both worlds?

ART AND EDITS

Joel Miller - pencil drawing

I saved her - tlou season 2 edit

Joel takes you to dinner - moodboard

FAV FIC MOODBOARDS

I feel like I’ve ‘tooted’ myself pretty hard here😅 Writing and creating have been very therapeutic for me but the highlight of the year was definitely thirsting and yearning with my beautiful moots, connecting with amazing people all over the world, feeling their support, giving them some of my love and just being together on this hellsite. Let me tag you to share your 2024 faves (if you haven’t done it already) and also to tell you how grateful I am to all of you for being kind to me😍 @milla-frenchy @iamasaddie @toxicanonymity @evolnoomym @fruityreads @huskyfox5 @604to647 @thundermartini @sawymredfox @sunshineispunk @magpiepills @sweetlummie @ellasinnombre @joelmillerisapunk @kewwrites @mountainsandmayhem @itwasntimethatdidit40 @bonezone44 @romanarose @ozarkthedog @umnitsa @yxtkiwiyxt @guiltyasdave @morallyinept @axshadows @nervousmumbling @casa-boiardi @corazondebeskar-reads @xdaddysprincessxx @schnarfer @megangovier @tateypots @princessanglophile @nana90azevedo @bubble-pop-eclectic @mermaidgirl30 @tammythr @arcanefox207 if I missed someone pls forgive me💗 I love you all and I’m sending you my warmest hugs and kisses🫂😘 Happy holidays, my loves! I wish you the absolute best in 2025!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[olenvasynyt]

I know my fellow artists and creators have been frustrated with the rise of AI on Pinterest and Google.  Many of us find it difficult to serch for good references, tips, and general inspiration for art.  So I want to share my collection of good, free websites for artists, designers, film makers, and creators so we can create without ugly AI images staring in our faces 🙌

Sketchfab

An incredible source for references.  Has a huge collection of 3D animals, architecture, interior rooms, vehicles, food, objects, furniture, nature, memes, characters, etc etc etc. You can literally find several insanely detailed 3D models of the Notre Dame (this one is insane) Models can rotated at any angle as well as zoomed in and out.  You can also change the view of the model to be matcap with flat, colorless planes, wireframe, or base color as opposed to fully rendered.  

Cons: there are many uploads that are random and incredibly specific, which overwhelms the search.  Can be excellent for game designers who want to download models but for artists looking for drawing references, you might have to dig a bit for what you want.  Can be so fun for playing around and using crazy fun references for practicing.

Designspiration

As a photographer and graphic designer and someone who can doomscroll on pinterest forever, this is my favorite for finding inspiration for everything: typography, logos, product mockups, illustration, photography, web design, etc.  Has an amazing feature where you can search for art with specific hex codes!  Probably the coolest feature I’ve seen in search engines, and by far superior to google's color search. This site is mostly for design inspiration, but I feel like if you are super into moodboards, then this is the site for you too especially with the beautiful selection of photography.

Cons: I have no cons, I love this website so much and I used to be addicted to pinterest (still am actually😬) but this is easily my new favorite

Public Works by Cosmos 

Thousands of artworks enter the public domain every year, and this website is a search engine for other 100,000 of those copyright free works.  All of these works are free to edit, use, and sell with few restrictions.

Cons: I personally find the layout for the search feed a bit frustrating to look around in sometimes, because it’s not the typical "scroll up and down" website. But is very dynamic and overall fun to explore.

Same.energy 

This is a good visual search engine that’s a good replacement for Google images and Pinterest.  The minimal words makes it simple and easy, and clicking on an image you like to filter the feed to find similar images.

Cons: this is in beta so it still have some kinks to work out. It seems to struggle with specific searches and some of the images brought up in the search can be repetitive or not relevant.  

Reference Angle

A website for finding face references in any specific angle and any expression for any gender and age.

Cons: I would love this website more if it gave you the ability to customize the light source, but sadly is not an option.  I also feel like there is not a lot of racial diversity in the photos, and some of the images do not match the specific angle. But it is overall a great source for face references

Virtual Lighting Studio by zvork

A good source for light studies.  You can change the source, direction, color, and brightness as well stacking several light sources on top of each other.  

Cons: there isn’t a way to angle the face or change the expression, so it is permanently in portrait mode.  There are four different models and I’m not the biggest fan of some of them…I like the black guy the best because he looks at me kindly instead staring into my soul like the two white guys. The ads are also a bit obnoxious and for the love of god DO NOT USE IN MOBILE!!!  The ads are impossible to get rid of.

Film Grab

An archive of stills from a huge list of movies.  Good for film makers, photographers, art studies, moodboards, inspiration, etc. Has a huge selection of movies and you can search by movie, director, costume designer, aspect ratio, year, genre, and country. You can also hit random post and it'll give you a random movie, which I think is really fun.

Cons: I do not recommend mobile. The mobile does not have the option to search for a specific movie, so you're forced to scroll through the giant A-Z list of directors or films to find the specific film you were looking for.  Another con that I just discovered: a big-ass ad on the top of the website that occasionally advertises AI websites 🤢 (not shown on the screenshots I shared because ew)

Unsplash

Another image search website that has the feeling of Pinterest

Cons: some images are locked for premium only, and the feed is a bit frustrating to scroll through on mobile since they show the images one at a time instead of as a nice collage like pinterest.  Some images can also be irrelevant to the search.

Sending lots of love to my fellow artists and creative peeps out there. AI sucks and it feels like it's overwhelming the creative space. But I promise there is a way to avoid it! Keep creating 💕

[sickokitty]

hi cuties ૮ ྀི• ﻌ - ྀིა⁩ 22 female here, looking for some roleplays!! 18+ please.

҂ ⋆˙⟡ — looking for oc x oc, oc x cc doubles or multi muse! i will do research on any fandom / character you would like even if I am not familiar with it, and I expect the same in return! when I say that I can play anyone for you, I mean anyone lol! we can build our own worlds, take inspo from established fandoms, or do a classic fandom! I am open to any gender pairings / wanted faceclaims :3

҂ ⋆˙⟡ — this roleplay will have multiple different dark themes, some of those themes being nsfw, age gaps, underage, incest, violence, addiction, and many more! the darker the roleplay, the more muse I will have!! been craving someone to write fucked up plots with >_<

҂ ⋆˙⟡ — im looking for someone who is active ooc, likes to make headcanons, moodboards, playlists, and enjoys gushing about the worlds we create together!! my activity can vary, but I will always be on for ooc chat! I can usually give at least a few replies a week, but please be patient with me.

if this interests you, please reach out or add my discord!

@huntersteaparty. baiiii ᶻ 𝘇 𐰁

[voxslays]

Vaggie Moodboard

I’m addicted to making moodboards more than I am to writing at this point….

[xoxochb]

welcome to luke’s diner!! ⋆⁺₊⋆

first things first are the thank yous. I’ve said before and I’m sure you know by the many posts I’ve made regarding my 800 follower accomplishment but to elaborate I am very happy!! It amazes me that eight hundred people like my work and actually tolerate me, it’s absolutely mind blowing. I’m very grateful for each and every one of my many followers and mutuals who have helped me accomplish this achievement. I’m eternally grateful for all of you, sending hugs kisses your way <3

anyways the rules (boring, I know. but necessary). my regular m. list rules apply to my events like usual so please check those out before requesting anything, thank you! also after 9/16 I will not accept anymore requests for the event since it will have been closed! and when your request you don’t have to add the note in the parentheses I just added those for fun)

event m. list linked here!

enough of me yapping are you hungry? I see a diner up ahead it reads: luke’s. I heard a crazy caffeine addicted lady practically lives there! let’s go inside and check the menu…

pancakes (with a side of strawberries) ��

୨୧ the emoji fic like usual… please make sure your chosen emoji has a story in mind otherwise I won’t have a story in mind, therefore making it difficult for me to write. this may not make much sense but basically what I’m saying is don’t chose an irrelevant emoji

a cup of coffee (three refill restrictions!) ☕️

୨୧ moodboards!! I’ll make one for anything or anyone just give me enough info to know what photos I’m looking for please!

french toast (covered in powdered sugar) 🍞

୨୧ I’m giving you this one chance to invade my privacy (with boundaries, I trust you all to know what’s appropriate and what’s not). ask me anything about myself if if you’d like tell me about yourself

buttermilk waffles (drowning in syrup) 🧇

୨୧ and lastly song fics… please make sure you chose a song I haven’t written for AND an artist I actually listen to because in the past I have deleted reqs for songs I haven’t listened to. these are some of my favorite artists!

[rainbowxocs]

(Blah blah blah. When myth is over it will be updated.)

ITS TIME!! FOR ME!! NULL!! TO HAVE A BIO NEHEHE. ALL THIS BLACK TEXT IS ME! NOT THE STUPID AUTHOR.

Name: Null Montague!!

Alter of: Daisy Bell!!

Role: I AM A PERSECUTOR, IF ANYONE TELLS YOU IM A PROTECTOR THEY ARE LYING.

Special Titles: Nobody!!

Username: nullnvoid

Nicknames: Knight, Cheshire, Sunny, EVIL!

Age: I’m just a little kid!! :) (17)

Pronouns: I’m very pro nouns!!!

Sexuality: Uhhhhh I dunno.

Gender: I dunno.

Species: I’m the same species as Daisy!!! But personally I identify as a little kitty. A silly little guy. A creature if you will.

Disorders: I am very normal. :) (Same as Daisy.)

Physical Disabilities: I am so normal. (Same as Daisy.)

Recovering Addictions: “Cola” supposedly..

Religion: I believe in chaos above all else!! Hehe. Cuz I’m evil!!

Job: My job is to BE EVIL!!!

Lives in: I usually live in my headspace cause the others trapped me in there forever lolz. BUT!! IM BACK AND OUT!!!

Languages: I dunno!!!

Height: 7ft tall!! (5’4”)

Race: Same as Daisy!!

Accent: I dunno! I guess childlike hehe.

Voice Claim: The Collector from The Owl House.

Spirit Level: Acceptance!!

Powers: I AM A SUPER OP MEGA GOD WITH ALL THE POWERS IN DA WORLD AND I CAN LIKE KILL YOU AND THEN KILL YOU AGAIN >:3 (same powers as Daisy.)

Weaknesses: I don’t have any weaknesses!!! (Same weaknesses as Daisy.)

Strings Form: Black!! Cats Cradle!!! Hehe.

Soul: SHAGGY INKCAP!! Or like a black flame or whatever.

Weapons: Usually I use Daisy’s cool darkheart sword cause I think it’s epic. :3

Alignment: CHAOTIC EVIL!!!!!! (Supposedly.)

Text Color: BLACK!

Main Animal: CATS!!!!! KITTIES!!! :D

Main Hobbies: Evil Stuff, Making fun of NERDS, I dunno like killing people and other evil stuff like that.

Favorite Food: APPLE FRITTERS, APPLES, PLEASE GIVE ME APPLES. Also soup I like soup and I like icecream and I like garlic bread.

Favorite Flower: BLACK DAHLIAS CAUSE THEYRE NAMED AFTER THAT ONE PERSON WHO GOT MURDERED.

Scent: Evil.

Handedness: Left Handed!!

Blood Color: BLACK! LIKE MY SOUL.

Awareness: I am VERY aware. Hehe.

Birthday: December 20th!!! I guess.

Theme:

Battle Theme:

Playlist:

Fun Facts: I AM EVIL!

Special Interests: I don’t HAVE any of THOSE. That’s for NERDS.

Stims: this is ALSO for nerds.

Stimboard: [wip]

Moodboard: [wip]

Fashion Board: [wip]

Comfort Objects: I don’t have any of that.

Family: I am hated by everyone!! HEHE

Friends: Same here!!!

Romance: Romance is Icky.

Enemies: EVERYONE!!!!

Pets: I LIKE OUR CAT. :3

Brief Personality: [wip]

Brief Backstory: [wip]

[otterspaceastrology]

Pick a Card Reading + MoodBoard

What is your Future Spouse like at their core?

Disclaimers

Readings are for entertainment purposes, so please take with a grain of salt and enjoy!

When I talk about masculine and feminine, I am talking about energy so that can apply to any gender or identity.

When picking a pile, use your intuition, close your eyes, relax and think of the question and then open your eyes and let it be drawn naturally to a pile, repeat as many times as you need to know it’s your pile. Of course you can do it any way you want that’s just my preferred method!

Now on to the Readings!

Pile 1

A Bit of a Hedonist

3 of Cups, The Devil, The Star, The Lovers

Neptune, 7th House, Sagittarius

Energetic, Spontaneous, Passive, Curious, Charming

Crystal - Amber

Pile One, Your Future Spouse truly at there core craves all the pleasure that life can give them. They may over indulge in anything that can bring them dopamine but I don’t think it’s too extreme, more like being addicted to junk food, video games or TV. They give off golden retriever vibes completely! Maybe a bit over excitable but means well! They are going to be ALL OVER YOU! Basically obsessed!!

Pile 2

Eager but Soft

The Sun, Ace of Cups, Wheel of Fortune, 6 of Pentacles

Pluto, Taurus, 11th House

Strategic, Caring, Logical, Smart, Imaginative, Mystical, Introverted

Crystal - Magnesite

Pile Two your Future Spouse is very prosperous! They know what they want and after they figure out a plan of attack, they are on it! At their core even though they have this eager ambition, they enjoy having time to them self to create a plan for how they can achieve everything they want in life. I can see them being done with work and immediately after cuddling you as soon as possible while relaxing, and talking about your day together!

Pile 3

Survived to Tell the Tale

10 of Wands, 2 of Swords, 5 of Pentacles, Knight of Pentacles

Pluto, 11th House, Cancer

Assertive, Reliable, Enthusiastic, Charming, Sociable, Leader, Strategic, Logical

Crystal -Agate

Pile Three your Future Spouse has been through so much and still stands strong and bright! At their core they are unbelievably resilient and have gained incredible wisdom from there hardships! After making it through all that they decided that they want to help other people going through the same stuff, I can even see them being a writer, motivational speaker or mental health influencer anything they can do to make it easier for others! Your FS is a very selfless person and probably also likes volunteer work!

Thank you so much for reading my pick a card I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did making it!🥰✨

Collages are made by me on Pinterest, but I own none of the photos.

[torialefay]

hiiiii, i'm ✨ toria ✨, or you can call me tori :) she/her! i'm a '99 baby & i just write for fun/ in my downtime. i'm into astrology, so you'll see me do that from time to time. i'm also into magick, but you won't really see that on here (unless someone wants to talk ab it ofc!)

i always love to make new moots & connections on this app, so feel free to message me any time!

✨ stan: i've only really been into skz and bts (chan and namjoon bias of course), so they're all i feel comfortable writing for. lowkey want to get into ateez though, so if anyone has a good place to start, please send it my way.

✨ likes: horror movies, vanilla-scented anything, CANDLES, perfume (i'm an addict and have over 60 pls pray for my bank account), hair & makeuppp (i'm the girliest girl to have ever girled), my puppy <3 (who is actually v old but he's still my baby), a super strong iced coffee

✨ hobbies: i bake a LOT & like to cook, i love doing my grandma activities like knitting and embroidery, reading/writing ofc, basically always spending time with my friends, & i'm the tiniest bit of a gym girly (literally go as little as possible but we gotta keep that ass up you know)

🌟 quick facts:

favorite color?: pink (my entire wardrobe consists of only pink, black, and white/cream)

favorite food?: steak w/ a good red wine 🤩

random fact?: i sleep better when i have cute pajamas on... therefore i have the cutest pajama collection ever okay i am so poor but i am also slaying in my sleep

job?: i'm a student doctor!

mbti: enfp-a

big 3?: pisces ☀️, libra 🌙, taurus🪽(but i have an aries stellium, so watch out babies)

personality?: APPARENTLY i come across as a flirt. my friends always say that if they didn't know me, they'd think i was flirting in every conversation i have. but it's just my personality 🥺 how am i NOT supposed to call you baby, honey, sweetheart, my dirty little slut, etc?!?! ; i was also given the title "keeper of the vibes" bc i guess i'm pretty level-headed and optimistic (and ig more mentally stable than everyone else i surround myself with wow love that).

relationship status: single (for the first time in 5 years, so currently just trying to navigate through life 🫶🏼)

p.s.: will my moots please do this? pretty please? i wanna know so badddd

andddd i love making new moots! send me a message any time 😚

moodboard by: @hyngyu (now deactivated 😞)

[oceane4loveu]

☾𝕄𝕆𝕆ℕ𝕃𝕀𝔾ℍ𝕋 BEAUTY ☾: 1 week to glow up

I really need a quick and simple glow up because I'm starting my job soon so I created a program to glow up in 1 week and really get to know myself and improve myself physically and mentally. You can do this program in 2 weeks or more if you want.

* ੈ✩‧₊˚day 1: lunar preparation

★shadow work: It’s time to work on yourself, answer their questions to get to know yourself better.

1. What did my childhood need most?

2. What am I avoiding?

3. What am I addicted to?

4. What secrets am I hiding and why?

5. Am I honest with myself and others?

6. What are my biggest misconceptions about myself?

7. What are my biggest fears?

8. What should I give up?

9. Am I a victim of trauma? Have I done enough to heal?

10. What do I need to forgive myself for?

11. What lessons do I still need to learn?

12. What do I want most in this life?

13. What are the first signs you notice and know that your mental health is deteriorating?

14. Do I try to hide parts of myself from others? Why ?

15. What was I like when I was a child?

16. What's the worst way someone could describe you?

★moodboard: makes a Moodboard that reflects your aspirations and your inspirations that you can look at every morning; you can put it as a wallpaper or hang it on the wall.

★ Do a major cleaning: tidy your room, delete numbers, sort through your phone, sort through your series and films, social media and my playlist, cut off toxic people.

★make a list of all your goals, choose 4 big goals in your life and separate them into smaller goals to make them easier to achieve.

★create a morning and night routine: you can copy that of someone who inspires you or simply create your own.

★do 1 hour of sport per day

* ੈ✩‧₊˚day2:inner radiance

★ start Journaling: write down your thoughts, your emotions, your thoughts for the day and also positive affirmations.

★make a list of things you like about yourself

★become softer:

1. When someone calls you, first turn to the person and smile: This helps you to be gentler and more polite towards the person you are talking to and after smiling it gives you the opportunity to speak in a kinder tone.

2. think before you speak: this is very important when learning to speak softer because it gives you time to pay attention to the tone of your voice and also be careful with the things you say.

3. Avoid yelling at others out of frustration: Yelling is the most important thing you should avoid when trying to speak softer. When you're frustrated or going through a tough time, try doing something you enjoy to calm yourself down like music, drawing, etc. instead of taking it out on others. if someone tries to make you angry, politely tell them to stop and don't let your anger control you.

* ੈ✩‧₊˚day3:educational brilliance

-listen to a podcast: I only listen to podcasts in French but if you don't like listening to podcasts you can watch videos from tam kaur, thewizardliz, simonesquared and more

-read a book: I recommend atomic habit, ikigai, the why cafe, the other books that I read are in French.

-learn a new language: on YouTube there are plenty of videos that you can find on the language of your choice.

-learn another skill: I chose to improve my computer skills but you can choose any skill it can be drawing, cooking whatever you want.

* ੈ✩‧₊˚day4:celestial radiance

-work on self-love

-work on self-esteem

* ੈ✩‧₊˚day5:lunar dream

-spa day at home

-meditation

-listen to your favorite music

-watch your favorite series or films

* ੈ✩‧₊˚day6: lunar flight

-find your ikigai: that is to say your reason for being, explore your passions, your values ​​and your talents to really find what motivates you here is an example:

-Black Swan mindset: the Black Swan mindset is about knowing your value and not letting others tell you your value, it is a mindset of trust and knowledge of your value.

* ੈ✩‧₊˚day7:moonlight beauty

become more feminine

1-have good posture: gives you more elegance, you seem taller and more confident.

2-smell good have a characteristic scent: could remind someone of you, smell good shows that you care about your hygiene.

3-Getting Your Nails Done: Getting your nails done could make you look confident and well-groomed.

4-style your hair: hair is a key point of your appearance and a good hairstyle could automatically make you even more beautiful.

5-wear jewelry: simple jewelry can enhance your outfit a lot and bring out your features.

things to do every day

☆ Workout

☆ Learn a new skill

☆ Listen to subliminals

☆ Meditate

☆ Read a book

☆ Do Journaling

☆ Listen to Podcasts

I'm going to start tomorrow and to stay organized and always have an idea of ​​what I have to do I created a simple Notion if you want it's right here જ⁀➴

𝕄𝕆𝕆ℕ𝕃𝕀𝔾ℍ𝕋 BEAUTY

[jungkoode]

ALTARS IN SHALLOW WATERS | 03

➔ PAIRING: Taehyung x Y/N (ballerina x stalker AU)

➔ MOODBOARD

➔ RATING: Mature, 18+, explicit themes and content.

➔ DATE POSTED: May 12, 2025.

➔ SUMMARY: Altars crumble faster in shallow water. But he still knelt like it was sacred. No one ever warned you that worship could look like love. Or that love could look like drowning.

➔ TAGS: second person perspective, female reader, ballerina!Y/N, stalker!taehyung, obsessive devotion, psychological tension, fixation, worship dynamics, Paris setting, religious imagery, voyeurism, sacred/profane dichotomy, slow burn, touch starvation, ritualistic behavior, gradual corruption, power dynamics, mirror imagery, water symbolism, sensory details, clean/unclean fixation, contamination OCD, professional dancer, self-destructive patterns, compulsive behavior, unhealthy coping mechanisms, possessive tendencies, praise addiction, spiritual yearning, toxic attraction, dangerous adoration, self-loathing, body discipline, mental health issues, self-harm, mental deterioration, unresolved sexual tension (for now).

➔ CONTENT in this chapter: bruising, self punishing, self harm, cleansing one self, ocd portrayal, stressful situations, psych sessions, public healthcare portrayal in the mental health realm

➔ AUTHOR’S INTRO AND TRIGGER WARNINGS

➔ MASTERLIST | TAGLIST REQ | WORDCOUNT: 3,6k

➔ A/N: HELLO. WELCOME BACK TO THIS NIGHTMARE. Kiki Nation is THRIVING. And by thriving, I mean crumbling under the weight of my own pacing choices. That’s right. You thought you were getting plot? ACTION? MOVEMENT? Wake up, babe. This is Kiki Nation, and here? We move like anxiety on a Sunday night—slow, painful, and entirely internal. But listen… listen. Jokes aside (kind of), this chapter is actually doing a lot even if it looks like nothing is happening. I love writing scenes like this because, while it feels still on the surface, the psychological current is raging underneath. What’s being said without being said? What’s slipping through the cracks? What isn’t Taehyung allowing himself to articulate because if he did, it would crack him open? That’s what this is about. It’s tension. It’s claustrophobia. It’s the mind eating itself alive. We’re diving deep into the obsessive-compulsive loops here—realistic ones. I researched this thoroughly, not only as someone who lives with neurodivergence, but as someone who respects how complex OCD truly is. It’s not just “I like things clean” or “haha I’m quirky about numbers.” OCD is a deeply distressing, all-consuming, reality-warping condition that demands ritual to relieve unbearable tension, even when you know it makes no logical sense. You KNOW it’s irrational. That’s the point. But the alternative feels worse. And that’s what I wanted to capture. The thing about trauma—especially when you’re neurodivergent—is that your brain will cling to anything that feels controllable when real life becomes overwhelming. And sometimes, those fixations grow teeth. What starts as “I need to clean this” becomes “If I don’t, I am disgusting. I am dangerous. I will harm something I care about.” That’s not aesthetic. That’s hell. And yeah… Dr. Bernard trying so hard but still being limited by time, funding, caseloads… It’s a subtle nod to the very real way public healthcare systems stretch mental health care to its absolute breaking point. Because if Taehyung had money? He’d have private therapy, trauma-informed care, daily support. But no. He gets 45 minutes in a tile-counting room twice a month and a prescription that might not even be enough. It’s not fair, and that’s kind of the point. For legal reasons, this is a joke!!! 🥰 (But is it?) So yeah. I hope you’re paying attention to the mirror. The numbers. The language he uses. The way he doesn’t trust reality itself. There’s a reason this chapter feels repetitive. There’s a reason he keeps looping. And if you felt trapped reading it—good. You’re right where I wanted you. (affectionate)Thank you for reading and for trusting me to tell a story that digs a little deeper than surface-level trauma bait. Your comments and support mean everything to me. I read every single one. See you in the next chapter where… oh. Oh no. Yeah. See you there. (awkward finger guns)

➔ SERIES : PREVIOUS | NEXT

KIKI NATION’S DISCUSSION THREAD FOR THIS CHAPTER

PLAYLIST

Purple blooms beneath thumb pad. 

Bruises beneath his finger.

Taehyung presses harder, watching skin darken under pressure. 

Pain flares, then dulls. Not enough. Never enough to convince himself that yesterday was real.

He sits on the edge of his mattress, counting breaths. 

One-two-three-four-five-six-seven. 

The apartment smells of bleach and nothing else. 

(bleach, he needs to bleach the r—bleach—it’s dirty, he needs bleach)

No food. No life. Just chemical purity and the faint must of walls that never fully dry.

You were there. In his store. Breathing his air.

(impossible impossible impossible)

His fingers find another patch of unmarked skin along his forearm. 

Pinch. Twist. Hold until capillaries burst and blood pools beneath the surface. 

The pain grounds him in reality, but reality itself has become suspect.

How could you exist in the same grimy corner of Paris where he scrubs floors and straightens shelves? How could something so clean touch something so dirty?

Your scent lingers in his memory—sweet almond, rose, powdered sugar. 

Macarons. 

(macarons, macaronsmacaronsmacarons)

The kind sold in patisseries where everything costs too much and the staff watches him like he might pocket something.

He's never wanted macarons before. Never craved anything sweet.

Now his mouth waters at the memory.

(disgusting filthy unworthy)

Seven new bruises track up his arm like stepping stones. 

Evidence that he exists. That yesterday existed. That you might have seen him—really seen him—even through the curtain of hair he uses to hide.

The thought makes his stomach lurch.

He stumbles to the bathroom, falls to his knees before the toilet. Nothing comes up. He hasn't eaten since yesterday morning. Just water. Just enough to keep his body functioning.

The tile is cold against his forehead as he counts again. 

One-two-three-four-five-six-seven. Again. Again. Until the nausea passes.

You'd asked him a question. Spoken directly to him. Your voice precise as cut glass.

‘Why are you helping me?’

He hadn't answered. Couldn't answer. What could he possibly say?

Because your knees shouldn't touch this filthy floor.

Because you're too perfect for this place.

Because I'm not worthy to watch you bend.

The memory of your cotton pads—the dented package he'd first grabbed, the horror that had seized him when he saw the imperfection—makes his fingers twitch. He'd found you a perfect one. Undamaged. Clean. 

It mattered so much in that moment, more than breathing.

He drags himself up from the bathroom floor. Crosses to the sink. Turns the water as hot as it will go and plunges his hands beneath the stream.

The burn is good. Clean. Skin reddens instantly.

He scrubs with the rough side of a sponge until his palms are raw. Until he can't feel the phantom touch of the cotton pad package he handed you. Until he can't remember the way your fingers almost—almost—brushed his gloved ones.

Gloves. He'd been wearing gloves. Thank god. Thank god.

(still dirty still contaminated still worthless)

The mirror above his sink is spotless. He keeps it that way, though he rarely looks into it. Now he forces himself to meet his own eyes.

Dark circles. Hollow cheeks. Hair too long, falling across his face in messy blindish waves.

He looks like a ghost. A shadow. Nothing substantial enough to exist in your world.

Yet you'd looked at him. Tried to see his face. Asked him a question in that voice like winter air.

His stomach clenches again, but differently. Not nausea this time. Something worse. Something like hunger, but not for food.

Macarons.

The word loops in his mind, sweet and forbidden. He wants to taste them now. Wants to know if they taste like you smell. Wants to dissolve them on his tongue and pretend he's breathing the same air that touches your skin.

The thought is so profane it makes him dizzy.

He stumbles back to his bed. Sits on the edge again. Pinches another spot on his arm, harder this time. The pain blooms bright, then fades too quickly.

You'd looked back at him from the doorway. Caught him watching. Your eyes narrowed slightly, calculating. Seeing.

No one sees him. No one notices. He's made sure of it for years.

But you had.

His phone buzzes. Work in an hour. The convenience store waits, its floors already collecting new grime, new evidence of human existence that he'll need to erase.

Will you come back? The question terrifies and exhilarates him.

(come,come you have to comeback)

He should pray you don't. Should beg whatever god might listen to keep you away from his dirty corner of Paris. Away from his contaminated existence.

Instead, he finds himself hoping. Desperately, pathetically hoping.

The bruises on his arm throb in time with his pulse. One-two-three-four-five-six-seven. Evidence that yesterday was real. That you were real.

That maybe, just maybe, you'll be real again today.

Persistent. 

The word hangs in stale office air. Taehyung's fingers twitch against his thigh.

Twenty-six tiles. Wrong number. Wrong pattern. Wrong room. His eyes trace the edges where white grout meets ceramic, counting again in case he missed one. Twenty-six. Still wrong.

(wrong wrong wrong fix it fix it)

"Taehyung? I asked if your contamination fears are still persisting."

Dr. Bernard's voice is distant as a radio playing three rooms away as it filters through the fog. The man sits across from him, pen poised over a notepad that's seen too many patients. His colorful socks peek beneath gray trousers—today they're yellow with small blue bicycles. 

Taehyung notices this instead of meeting his eyes.

"Yes." The word scrapes his throat. Dry. Unused. 

How long has he been sitting here?

"And the medication? You're taking it regularly?"

Taehyung nods. 

Paroxetine. Forty milligrams. White oval pill. Bitter when it touches his tongue if he doesn't swallow fast enough. He takes it every morning at 7:07. Never 7:06. Never 7:08.

(seven seven seven)

"Good, good." Dr. Bernard makes a note. The pen scratches paper like insects crawling. "And the cleaning rituals? Any improvement there?"

Twenty-six tiles. 

The pattern is wrong. 

If he could just add two more, it would be twenty-eight. Seven times four. Perfect. 

His fingers curl into his palm, nails digging half-moons.

"About the same."

Dr. Bernard sighs. Not an impatient sigh. A tired one. The sigh of a man with sixty-three other patients. Taehyung counted the files once when the secretary stepped away. Sixty-four including him. Too many. Not enough time.

"You mentioned last time you were using bleach on your hands again." Dr. Bernard taps his pen against the notepad. 

Tap-tap-tap. 

Not seven taps. Irregular. Unpredictable. 

“Is that still happening?"

The bleach burns. Burns means clean. Clean means safe. Safe means—

(he won't contaminate you)

Taehyung blinks.

Where did that thought come from?

"Sometimes." His voice sounds hollow even to himself. "When it's necessary."

Dr. Bernard's glasses slip down his nose. He pushes them up with his middle finger, a gesture Taehyung has seen forty-seven times in their sessions together. 

Always the middle finger. Never the index. Never the thumb.

"And what makes it necessary, Taehyung?"

You. Your perfect skin. Your clean leotard. The way you move like water, untouched by the filth of this city.

But he can't say that. Hasn't told Dr. Bernard about you. About the mirror. About the convenience store. About yesterday when you spoke to him and the world tilted on its axis.

"Dirt." The answer is inadequate. He knows this. "Contamination."

Dr. Bernard waits for more. The clock on the wall ticks. Not seven ticks per minute. Sixty. 

Wrong number.

"I see." Dr. Bernard writes something down. "And have there been any changes in your routine lately? Anything new?"

You. 

You are new. You with your rose-macaron scent and perfect posture. You who looked at him—really looked—and didn't immediately turn away.

"No." The lie tastes metallic.

"Taehyung." Dr. Bernard sets his pen down. Leans forward slightly. His chair creaks. "We've been meeting for three years now. I'd like to think I know when something's changed."

Three years. Thirty-six months. Not a multiple of seven. 

Wrong.

"Nothing important." Another lie.

Through the thin wall, he hears another doctor's voice. A woman laughing. Someone crying. The Centre Médico-Psychologique never has enough space, enough privacy, enough time. His forty-five minutes will end in seventeen more. Then Dr. Bernard will see someone else. Someone whose problems might be fixable.

"I've increased your sessions on your Carte Vitale authorization." Dr. Bernard slides a paper across the desk. "Twice monthly instead of once. I think it could help."

Taehyung stares at the paper. The government seal. The stamps. The signature. 

So much bureaucracy to fix a broken mind. 

As if more sessions in this room with twenty-six tiles will stop him from scrubbing his skin raw after thinking of you.

"Thank you." 

He doesn't reach for the paper. His hands are dirty. Always dirty.

Dr. Bernard's phone buzzes. He glances at it, then back at Taehyung. 

“I'm sorry, I need to take this. Just a moment."

As Dr. Bernard steps outside, Taehyung's eyes drift back to the floor. 

Twenty-six tiles. He could fix it. Break two into halves. Make twenty-eight. Seven times four. Perfect.

(break them break them make it right)

His foot hovers over the tile nearest his chair. One stomp might crack it. 

Fix the pattern. Fix the room. Fix him.

But he doesn't move. Just counts again. And again. And again.

One-two-three-four-five-six-seven. One-two-three-four-five-six-seven. One-two-three-four-five-six-seven.

Dr. Bernard returns, tucking his phone away. "Sorry about that. Where were we?"

Taehyung's foot settles back on the floor. Twenty-six tiles. Still wrong. Still broken.

Like him.

"They're wrong."

The words escape before Taehyung can swallow them back. His tongue feels thick, disconnected from his brain.

Dr. Bernard leans forward. "What's wrong, Taehyung?"

"The tiles." His finger points downward, trembling. "Twenty-six. Wrong number."

(wrong wrong wrong fix it fix it)

Dr. Bernard follows his gaze to the floor, brow furrowing. Understanding dawns slowly across his face. He sets his notepad aside and kneels, running a finger along the grout lines.

"The tiles—there are twenty-six. Should be twenty-eight." Taehyung's voice cracks. "Seven times four. Or at least twenty-seven. Has a seven in it." 

His heel bounces against the floor. Up-down-up-down. One-two-three-four-five-six-seven. Again. The rhythm keeps him tethered when his mind threatens to float away.

Dr. Bernard stands, retrieving a black marker from his desk. Without hesitation, he kneels again and draws a thick line across one tile, dividing it neatly in half.

"There," he says. "Twenty-seven tiles now. Contains a seven."

The marker squeaks against ceramic. 

The line isn't perfectly straight. 

Doesn't matter. 

The number matters. Twenty-seven. Has a seven. Better.

Taehyung's breathing slows. The pressure behind his eyes eases.

"I'm sorry," Dr. Bernard says, returning to his chair. "I've been seeing you for three years. I should have noticed sooner." 

He gestures vaguely around the room. 

“They just changed my office last month. I didn't think to count the tiles before you came in."

Three years. Thirty-six months. One hundred fifty-six sessions. And Dr. Bernard still doesn't understand that everything must be counted. Everything must be checked. Everything must be right.

But he tried. He fixed it. Drew a line. Made twenty-seven.

(better better better not perfect but better)

"Thank you," Taehyung whispers.

Dr. Bernard nods, uncapping his pen again. 

"You mentioned nothing had changed in your routine. But something in your face tells me otherwise." His voice softens. "Sometimes change can trigger episodes like this. Even good changes."

Taehyung's fingers find each other, twisting. Counting knuckles. 

"I found something." The words feel strange in his mouth. Heavy. Dangerous.

Dr. Bernard waits. Patient. 

The clock ticks. The newly-divided tile stares up at them both.

"A window." Taehyung continues. "At work. Behind the storage room."

"At the convenience store?"

Taehyung nods. "Two days ago. Needed cleaning supplies. Went to the back room. Not the main storage. The other one. Where they keep replacements."

His sentences fragment. Break apart like the tile on the floor. 

He can't help it. 

The memory is too bright, too sharp.

"Nobody goes there. Dusty. Dirty."

(filthy filthy filthy)

"And you found a window?" Dr. Bernard prompts.

"Not a window. A mirror." Taehyung's throat constricts. "But it's not a mirror. It's a window. One-way. Looks into the building next door."

Dr. Bernard makes a note. "The building next door to your store is...?"

"Ballet academy." The word 'ballet' feels sacred on his tongue. Too pure for his mouth. "Practice room. Empty usually. But not that day."

His heartbeat accelerates. 

One-two-three-four-five-six-seven. 

Faster now. 

One-two-three-four-five-six-seven.

"Someone was there?" Dr. Bernard asks.

Taehyung closes his eyes. Sees you immediately. Your reflection in the mirror as you practiced. Arms extended. Back straight. Perfect. Clean. Untouchable.

"A dancer." 

He can't bring himself to say more. Can't describe the way you moved like water. 

The way your reflection caught in the dirty glass and somehow remained untainted. 

The way he stood, frozen, watching for twenty-seven minutes before his manager called his name.

"I see." Dr. Bernard makes another note. "And this discovery upset your routine?"

Upset. Such a small word for the earthquake that destroyed his carefully constructed world.

"I went back. Yesterday." The confession burns his throat. "After work. Before closing."

Dr. Bernard nods encouragingly. "To see this dancer again?"

Taehyung's nails dig into his palms. "Yes."

"And did you?"

The memory floods back. Not through the mirror this time. Face to face. 

You, entering the convenience store minutes before closing. 

You, scanning shelves with precise movements. 

(dirty dirty dirty can't touch can't let you touch)

"Yes." His voice barely audible now. "She came into the store."

The pronoun feels wrong. Inadequate. You are not a 'she.' You are something else. Something more. Something clean in a filthy world.

"Did you speak to her?" Dr. Bernard asks.

Taehyung shakes his head. Then nods. Then shakes again. "She spoke to me."

The memory of your voice makes his skin prickle. Cut glass. Winter air. Perfect diction.

"What did she say?"

"Asked why I was helping her." His eyes find the divided tile again. Twenty-seven now. Better. "I picked up her cotton pads. Found her a new package. Undamaged one."

Dr. Bernard writes something down. "And how did that make you feel? This interaction?"

Feel? How could he possibly explain? 

The terror. The exhilaration. The certainty that he was contaminating something perfect just by existing in your presence.

"Wrong," he finally says. "I felt wrong."

"Wrong how?"

"Dirty." The word tastes like copper. "She's clean. Perfect. I'm..." 

He gestures at himself. His stained uniform. His raw hands. His existence.

"Taehyung, have you ever heard of religious scrupulosity?"

The question hangs in the air. Taehyung's fingers freeze mid-count against his thigh.

"It's a form of OCD where someone becomes fixated on moral or religious purity. They develop intense fears about contaminating sacred things or being unworthy in a spiritual sense."

Taehyung stares at the divided tile. Twenty-seven. 

His throat closes. Words retreat, curling back inside where they're safe.

(not religious not that simple not that)

Dr. Bernard waits. The silence stretches between them like a thread pulled too tight. When Taehyung doesn't respond, he tries again.

"I'm not suggesting this is exactly what's happening. Just that there might be similarities in how you're viewing this dancer."

Taehyung's jaw tightens. His teeth grind together. The sound fills his skull. Drowns out Dr. Bernard's voice. Drowns out everything except the memory of you. 

Perfect posture. Clean lines. Untouched by the filth surrounding you.

"She's just a person," Dr. Bernard says gently. "A talented dancer, perhaps, but human. Like everyone else."

Wrong. So wrong. 

You're not like everyone else. Not like him. Not dirty. Not broken. Not wrong.

Taehyung shakes his head. Once. Twice. 

Seven times.

"Taehyung?" Dr. Bernard leans forward. "Are you still with me?"

Words scatter like roaches when light hits them. He can't catch them. Can't form them. His tongue feels swollen, useless. He manages a nod.

"I'm not concerned about you seeing someone dance twice," Dr. Bernard clarifies. "That's perfectly normal. I'm interested in how intensely it seems to have affected you."

(not normal never normal nothing normal)

"You helped her pick up some cotton pads. That's a kind gesture, not contamination."

Taehyung's hands curl into fists. Dr. Bernard doesn't understand. Can't understand. Hasn't seen you. Hasn't felt the wrongness of his existence next to yours.

"Not..." The word scrapes his throat. "Not kind."

"No? What was it then?"

"Necessary." Another word claws its way out. "Had to."

Dr. Bernard makes a note. The pen scratches paper. Seven scratches. Taehyung counts them.

"Had to protect her from the dirty floor?"

Taehyung nods. His chest tightens. The room shrinks. Twenty-seven tiles. Focus on the tiles.

"Taehyung, I've known you for three years. Your contamination fears typically center on yourself—protecting yourself from outside dirt. This seems different."

Different. Yes. 

Everything is different now. The world tilted when he first saw you through that grimy one-way mirror. Tilted further when you walked into the store. Spoke to him. Looked at him.

"Let's back up," Dr. Bernard suggests. "Tell me about finding this mirror."

Taehyung's eyes close. Behind them, he sees the storage room. Dust motes floating in stale air. Cardboard boxes stacked haphazardly. The wall that wasn't a wall.

"Cleaning." His voice barely audible. "Needed bleach."

"For the store?"

A nod.

"And you found this mirror in the storage room?"

"Back room." The distinction matters. "Not main storage. Nobody goes there."

"And through this mirror, you could see into the ballet academy next door?"

"Practice room." The words come easier now. Focused on facts. Not feelings. "Empty usually. But not then."

"And you saw this dancer practicing."

"Yes."

"For how long did you watch?"

Taehyung's fingers twitch. "Twenty-seven minutes." 

The truth slips out before he can stop it.

Dr. Bernard's eyebrows rise slightly. "You counted?"

"Always count." 

"And then what happened?"

"Manager called. Had to go back."

"But you returned the next day?"

Shame burns his cheeks. He nods.

"And then she came into your store?"

"Before closing." The memory floods back. "Accident."

"The cotton pads?"

"Yes."

"And you helped her."

"Had to." His voice cracks. "Floor is dirty. She's not."

Dr. Bernard studies him. "Taehyung, when was the last time you spoke to someone outside of work or these sessions?"

The question catches him off guard. He blinks. Tries to remember. Can't.

"This connection you feel—" Dr. Bernard chooses his words carefully "—it might be intensified by isolation. Human beings need interaction."

(not human not normal not worthy)

"I'm not suggesting anything inappropriate is happening," Dr. Bernard continues. "Just that your reaction seems disproportionate to two brief encounters."

Disproportionate. As if there could be a proportionate response to witnessing divinity in a convenience store.

"She's clean," Taehyung whispers. The only truth that matters.

"Everyone seems clean to someone who feels contaminated, Taehyung."

Taehyung flinches. His vision tunnels. The twenty-seven tiles blur. His breathing quickens. 

One-two-three-four-five-six-seven. Too fast. Too shallow.

"I think we should focus on your isolation in our next session," Dr. Bernard says, glancing at the clock. "And perhaps revisit your medication dosage."

Taehyung doesn't respond. Can't. Words have abandoned him completely now. 

His mind retreats to the only safe place it knows—counting. Tiles. Breaths. Heartbeats. 

Seconds until he can leave this room with its wrong-then-fixed floor and return to his apartment where everything is arranged in sevens and nothing beautiful exists to be contaminated by his presence.

Dr. Bernard sighs. Not impatient. Sad. "Our time is almost up. Is there anything else you want to tell me about these encounters?"

Taehyung stares at his raw hands. 

What could he possibly say? That when you looked at him, really looked, something inside him recognized something inside you? That for one brief moment, he felt seen instead of invisible? That helping you felt like prayer?

He shakes his head.

"Alright." Dr. Bernard stands. "Same time in two weeks, then. And Taehyung?" He waits until Taehyung looks up. "Try to talk to someone. Anyone. Even just to ask the time or comment on the weather. Human connection matters."

Connection. 

As if someone like him could connect with anyone. 

Especially someone like you.

The session ends. Taehyung leaves without speaking again. Steps carefully over the divided tile. Twenty-seven now. Better. Not perfect.

Like him.

goal: 250 notes

taglist: @cannotalwaysbenight @taevescence @itstoastsworld @somehowukook @stutixmaru @chloepiccoliniii @kimnamjoonmiddletoe @annyeongbitch7 @mar-lo-pap @mikrokookiex @minniejim @curse-of-art @cristy-101 @mellyyyyyyx @rpwprpwprpwprw @billy-jeans23 @calmyourtitts7

© jungkoode 2025.

no reposts, translations, or adaptations

[mixtapedoh]

ahh idk if you’re still doing the concept moodboards but if you still are, may i request junhui + fake relationship or secretly dating au? thank uuu <3

olive notes: hi jen! i am still doing the moodboards ♡. also, yesterday i saw that the fic i wrote for you didn't post but went to my drafts instead??? genuinely, wtf, i'm so sorry that happened, and i'm going to post it tomorrow 😭😭😭.

⋰˚☆ wen junhui x secret dating! au . . .

"if your advice is to be so trusted, why aren't you in a relationship, jun?"

a sigh. immediately followed by a snort from you and inspired laughter from shua, who was never one to be afraid at finding enjoyment in his own jokes, of course, but a sigh all the same and a roll of his eyes. shua was asking for his opinion, was he not?

"yeah, junnie" — and your eyes sparkled with something infectious, like to coax a grin out of anyone you hoped to conspire with, barring, of course, someone with a willpower as strong as him — "why aren't you in a relationship?"

the man in question nudged you playfully and you leaned into the sway, silent laughter still coloring your breathing, fading and impressionistic, inspiring anyone with a desire for more.

"first i'd have to get rid of you. scaring everyone off."

and the conversation drifted from there. eventually, you all finished your meals and played the game of 'i've got the bill!' 'no; i'll pay." 'really, i owe you from last time.' and once you were all sufficiently fed and satisfied with your dance of politeness, you parted ways — joshua had to go help jeonghan with something or another, and you were easy to make an excuse of needing to run some errands. jun offered to accompany you, shua left with advice and more than enough mirth to fill his week, and that was seemingly the end of your little lunch date get-together.

it was when shua was confirmed gone that the true teasing begun.

"poor little junnie; all this affection, but no one to spoil."

"poor little (n/n), with all this teasing, but no one endeared enough to receive it."

you scoffed, and jun pulled you to the inside of the sidewalk, his fingers lacing with yours. you brought your intertwined hands to your lips to kiss them, and the two of you kept walking, indeed stopping at the supermarket like you'd told shua you would.

there was no real reason, truly, why you had jun had been dating for the last 4 months but hiding it from everyone else. just a 'why not?' sentiment that filled the both of you with giddy laughter — a silly secret that gave you an inexplicable rush. because kissing jun for the first time in the middle of his living room had been so addicting, and then immediately having to play it off afterward, when woozi walked in, oblivious to the encounter that had taken place while he was in the kitchen, had been even more exciting.

and then playing off the teasing that hoshi always entertained, trying to thoroughly convince the ever watching eyes of hao... it was a simple thrill, a cheap enjoyment. seungkwan had almost been the unfortunate friend to stumble upon your clandestine love-affair more than once, and the way that jun stumbled over the awkwardness of being near-caught would never fail to be wholly adorable and a silly kind of charming that made these first experiences between you all the more entertaining. why not? you already had your cake, why not indulge in the feeling and eat it, too?

and jun was so lenient with your every desire, in no small part due to the fact that he enjoyed the exhilaration of it, too.

after all — he thought as he came up behind you to grab a package of ramyeon off the shelf and, sticking it in the basket you held, rested his chin on your shoulder only to receive a peck on the cheek from you, absent minded, but offhandedly pulled from the deep well of where your affection for him resided — having a secret with you was all he'd wanted for longer than you could possibly know.

send me an idol + a concept & i’ll give you a little moodboard & blurb