#and GOD we have SIMILAR EXPERIENCES
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the fact he’s had my tik tok notifications on for weeks and views everything in 2 minutes or less……..
#CAN HE JUST TEXT ME LIKE#i know him so well though. he doesn’t know what to DO#but dude you KNOW my fear of being annoying is a lot rn#but I know how he thinks and I know what his own anxieties are and what he’s processing so we’re just sharing a comfortable silence. kinda.#but also I’m like pls pls pls inch a little closer?#im rambling about nonsense that only makes sense to me sorry 🥴#not to throw the word soulmate around especially after my past but WE’RE KINDA#and GOD we have SIMILAR EXPERIENCES#I also just can’t believe I clicked so instantly with someone and still a year later we get each other sooooooo much and sooooo we’ll#anyway bye sorry for rambling on my own blog
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Hey guys would it be cool if I killed myself right fucking now
#FUCK MAN#FUCKKKKKK#AUGH. AUGH.#this is why I LIKE that the manga changes things. this is why I appreciate this form of the story#does it make mistakes? a ton#but I think the point of the manga existing is so that this story and ways to tell it can be experimented with#is the game better? yes#of course!!#but it existing and being well received allows this manga to experiment with this sorry and these characters#this was well executed and worked well in game#but what if we expressed it this way?#what if we expressed this or portrayed this like this?#that is the beauty of it to me and this chapter encapsulates that perfectly to me#this whole scene would probably not work as well in the game#that’s why similar scenes were taken out and unused l#but this adaptation doesn’t have the pressure of being ‘good’ anymore#the game exists and it’s perfect. now the manga can do as it likes and tests what would work well and what wouldn’t#how else could this story be told?#and i think that while it misses the mark a lot it’s beautiful in that way#omori the game will always be better. but the manga is new and fun and experimental and I love that it is#a 1:1 recreation of the game with new art would likely suck a bit more than this fun#sometimes awful sometimes beautiful retelling#which is why I defend it so often Hejejejdjjd… it’s MEANT to have flaws it’s meant to experiment and god when it hits it HITS#like here. everything they’ve done with stranger and the barnyard and mari and something is heartbreaking#omori#omori mari#omori basil#omori manga#omori stranger#omori omori
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Transfems are not 'privileged' for being forced to live in hostile panopticons and transmascs are not 'privileged' for being forced to live at the bottom of isolated wells and any 'benefits' that either incidentally incurs are canceled out if not outweighed by the drawbacks. Are we done here. Can we all please just go home
#spitblaze says things#i cannot believe people are still talking about this ans more importantly i cannot believe im still thinking about it#99% of what we are all saying is not at all contradictory. its complimentary even#like yea it can be isolating being a transmasc even in trans spaces. it can also be isolating being a transfem in trans spaces#and it is not fucking lost on me how all of this stupid binarist discourse either glosses over nb people entirely or forces them (us even)#to 'pick a side'#we have a lot of similarities but enough differences in experiences that its worth discussing#and if your first response to hearing those discussions is 'this is exclusionism' or 'youre implying that MY group doesnt experience that'#then like! hot take! maybe YOU'RE the issue here for seeing this shit as a black and white us and them dichotomy#instead of. you know. the weird intermingled spectrum of genders and presentations and experiences and theory it really is#god. fuck
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Been a fan of your fics for YEARS. I was just telling my friend how despite how much I read fics I never actually love them, with some of your fics (especially TMA) as the exception. Felt the need to reread some of them and saw you reblogged some ISAT fanart. So. Any thoughts on ISAT you'd like to share?
Hope you have a wonderful day!! So happy I found your fics again!!
I avoided answering this for a while because I was trying to think of a way to cohesively and coherently vocalize my thoughts on In Stars and Time. I have given up because I don't want to hold everybody here all day and I have accepted that my thoughts are just pterodactyl screeching.
I love it so much. I have so much to say on it. It drove me bonkers for like a week straight. I have AUs. It's absolute Megbait. They're just a little Snufkin and they're having the worst experience of anybody's life. Ludonarratives my fucking beloved.
I am going to talk about the prologue.
The prologue is such a fascinating experience. You crack open the game and immediately begin checking off all of the little genre boxes: mage, warrior, researcher, you're the rogue...some little kid who's there for some reason...alright, you know the score. You're in yet another indie Earthbound RPG, these are your generic characters, let's get the ball rolling.
Except then you realize that these characters are people. You feel instantly how you've entered the game at its last dungeon, at the end of the adventure. They have their own in-jokes, histories, backgrounds, adventures. They get along well and they're obviously close, but not in a twee or unrealistic way. They have so much chemistry and spirit and life. I fell in love with them so quickly.
But Sif doesn't. Sif kind of hates them, because they will not stop saying the same damn thing. They walk the same paths, do the same things, make the same jokes, expect Sif to say the same lines. They keep referencing a Sif we do not see, with jokes we never see him make and heroic personality he never shows - they reference a Sif who is dead - and Sif can't handle that, so he kills them too.
They become only an exercise in tedious frustration. Sif button mashes through their dialogue, Sif mindlessly clicks the same dialogue options, Sif skips through the tutorial, Sif blows through the puzzles. Sif turns their world into a video game. Sif is playing a generic RPG. Sif forgets their names. They are no longer people with in-jokes, histories, backgrounds, adventures. They're the mage, the warrior, the researcher, and...some random kid.
I did not understand the Kid's presence at first. I had no idea what they contributed to the game. They didn't do anything. As a party member in a video game, they're a bit useless. Why is the Kid there?
Because Sif's life isn't a video game. Because the kid isn't 'the kid'. They're Bonnie. Bonnie, who the party loves. Why is Bonnie there? Because they love them. There is no room for Bonnie in the boring RPG that Sif is playing. And then you realize that Sif is wrong, and that they've lost something extremely important, and that they'll never escape without it.
Watching the prologue before watching ISAT gave ISAT the most unique air of dread and horror, because you crack open ISAT and you see the person Sif used to be. You realize that Sif used to be a person. Sif used to be the person who made jokes, who gave real smiles, who interacted with the world as if they are a part of it. And you know you are sitting down to watch Sif lose everything that made them a person, to lose everything that made them a member of this world, and turn them into a character in a video game who doesn't understand the point of Bonnie at all.
At the climax of the game, when the others realize that something is deeply wrong and that Sif physically cannot tell them, they realize that there is nothing they can do. So Bonnie declares snacktime. And for the first time they have snacktime.
What is snacktime? Classic JRPGs don't have snacktime. There's literally no point to a snacktime - not in a video game, and not in Sif's terrible life. It's not fixing this, because nothing can fix this. But Bonnie gives Sif a cookie and Sif eats it.
It's meaningless. It's a cutscene. It didn't save Sif and it didn't change a thing. It will make no difference in the end.
But it did make the difference. It made all of the difference in the world. Bonnie is a character who you really don't understand the point of before you realize that Bonnie was the entire point.
ISAT is about comfort media. Why do we play the same video games over and over again? Why do we avoid watching the finale of our favorite shows? What is truly comforting: a story with no conflict, or a story where you always know what is about to happen? Do you want to live in a scary, uncontrollable world, or do you want to play Stardew Valley? Do you want a person or a character?
When I beat Earthbound for the first time (and if you don't know, the prologue/ISAT battle system is just Mother) and watched the ending cutscene where the characters part ways and say goodbye...I felt a little bit sad. I wanted them to be together forever. But that's something only characters could ever be.
#these aren't deep or unique thoughts they're just the specific aspect of ISAT that made it one of the most interesting gaming experiences#i actually like the prologue much more than ISAT for just this reason#its honestly a video game art piece that's created to give the player a very specific experience#that makes them an aspect of the narrative that is told#it's. incredible.#in stars and time#start again start again start again#start again: a prologue#isat#god and there is so so so so much more to say here#what a rich and complex and fascinating game that made me cry like a baby#i dont even kin sif. we arent similar at all.#i cant imagine how devastating this game would have been if i did#but I do have a deep relationship with escapsim#and i write about it a lot#and video games about being video games are wonderful#as are stories about being stories#and why we consume stories. how we use them. how they save us and hurt us.#never played a video game that used its medium so well#i bet undertales also pretty good at that but this is more so i think#stories about stories have to be about why we love stories#and im not an artsy person and i roll my eyes a bit when people talk about the spiritual neccesity of art#i think people need stories because the world is sad and hard and boring and we want to think about something else for a while.#some people need to be anywhere but here#and sometimes if you're Lil Depressed-Ass Snufkin that looks like being here forever#baby cringe-ass snufkin big hat idiot
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Every once in a while I think about the ship I've been obsessed over for close to two years now and feel like I'm ascending to another plane of reality. Like sometimes you just encounter a ship that hits every single mark and is perfect in every regard and you're left stunned how something like that can even exist
#Anyways I'mma put the actual inane ramblings in the tags#Medic and Engie make me so ill every time I think about them for a while I feel like tearing into things and biting people and throwing up#How something like that can exist completely defies me#I don't know how something that perfect can exist#I'm typically a multi-shipper and while I still kinda am I honest to god don't really care to write other ships#Not cause they ain't good (they are pretty damn good) but because Engiemedic is just on another level#Like dammnnn!! that's why I've spent so long writing a fic about them!#I can't fathom it honestly how characters like that can exist#They're like a slightly warped reflection of themselves#They're both intelligent mentally ill lunatics with no morals whatsoever#The only thing is that Engie is marginally better at hiding it#If you go into headcanon territory than WHOO!! OHH DAMNNN#Like what gets me the most about Engiemedic is how they're so similar#They think and exist on the same wavelength#In tune with each other. Their neurons braided like wires#If I start talking about how the machine and the flesh are not opposites but rather one in the same we gonna be here all day#I just can't...believe the ship exists#Like man how does this happen#You want humour? Goofy wacky experiments and silliness of them violating several conventions#You want angst? Hell yeah they've got plenty of it#Fluff? Buddy I start wailing and sobbing if they accidentally brush hands while working on stuff#I could write about them for ages and not get bored they can fit in every circumstance#They make me SICK they make me CRAZY I love them so so much#They would do anything for each other#I look at what they have and I can feel like I understand what love is#I need to write more oneshots and minifics about them they're so flexiable and fun#Can't wait to do parallels with them in these upcoming chapters#Either way GODDDDD I love these two so much I could go on for hours about them#especially if I'm allowed to talk about headcanons#sp-rambles
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i think honestly what irritates me about yoshidas work SO much is that people will tell you that banana fish is THE gay manga (ignoring the many things that came before it and were more groundbreaking, ie MW literally having on screen (or like. on panel but still.) gay sex in it and that came out like a decade before BF did) when there really isn't barely any gay rep outside of the pedophiles and the one time ash drops the f slur. like im sorry but somehow yasha, a work she wrote in 1996, has more gay rep in it but also has the same issues.
i truly do not get how people can enjoy banana fish with the rampant racism every 2 pages or the rampant sexual assault plotlines (on women and ash bc he is just... written like how yoshida writes women lmao) that are handled IMPOSSIBLY bad and sincerely i hoped yasha would be better because it had been like a decade or so between works. and then it proceeds to continue with the heres our blonde genius protagonist who everyone is weird as fuck to and will sexually harrass and everyone finds it a VERY funny joke to point out how feminine he is when theres barely any women in the work (if you exclude the ones that are being raped/killed/creepy to minors. which to be fair yasha has toned down the sa a LOT) and that its funny that hes kind of gay except not really!! and its just absurd to me how it just persists in all of her stuff because she is not an author that handles gay stuff well. like the scene in banana fish where ash is completely ok getting gang raped and did it solely to get into the hospital when its been SHOWN that he has a lot of trauma with that. and then right after his friend makes a joke at ash's expense about that. like sincerely and genuinely is this what we are hyping up as the old retro gay manga. go read some tezuka and stop reading shit that the most the main characters do is share a kiss in a nonromantic sense and is obsessed w making every gay person be evil!!
#twist rambles#sorry mw u will always be famous to me (horrible fucking manga to experience for like 50% of the time but also it rocksss and theres#about anything tw worthy in there but i wish more ppl did read it)#sorry im like. i like to read her stuff bc her art is interesting to me but oh my god it makes me so angryyyy#rape mention#ask to tag#like... you do not understand my one sided rivalry w her it is SO intense like... bf was one of the worst reading experiences ive ever had#my tzk gay recs are: black jack (protag literally has a transmasc ex bf) and mw (for aforementioned reasons but its like. genuinely bonkers#and honestly there r a lot of minor characters that r lgbt in his works and like. can we please read smth that doesnt suck 100% of the time#like idk god bf is so baffling to me bc theres NOTHING there other than like. the new horrors every chapter. and yasha seems to be reusing#some plot points so it double sucks. haunted by the one analysis showing how the two had similar themes and point 1 was literally child#exploitation like... man. god it sucks. like not that mw is perfect bc its not and its a media i have a lot of thoughts on but man. id take#that over bf anyday bc like... sincerely how is anyone looking past the horrors there!! the story is a jumbled mess and it rly doesnt have#much to sayyyy but whatever lol!! id love if the characters were in a better media id love if ash didnt end the story feeling positively#towards the man who groomed him but whateverrrr lol#this is super disorganized as a post but like. genuinely it is so infuriating bc some of the plot concepts in yasha have potential and then#she keeps doing this like!!
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I do think a good chunk of the 'cringey atheist' stereotype did come from the fact that, especially americans, regardless of their actual religious status are just casually christian and refer to things through a religious filter and that isn't seen for how overwhelming/obnoxious/frustrating it is. Its absense, such as when writing a story and things like "oh god" or other casual references are remove or replaced, is seen as notable the same way people find the cast being all women or queer being 'abnormal'.
And I think more people, especially here on tumblr, should take a moment from ragging on some kid being "cringey" saying god doesn't exist or making atheist jump around like dancing monkeys to establish they're one of the good respectful ones before they ever even begin to talk about their own thoughts, and examine why so much content just inserts god into a conversation that had nothing to do with religion like it's the expected norm, the same way they examine the invasiveness of casual heteronormativity.
#this is just cause an ex christian youtuber i otherwise like refers to any extreme emotional experience as a 'religious experience'#as if everyone can agree on it being so#and theres more than a few posts on here that make me wonder why#so many people are incapable of making something 'poetic' or 'great' without invoking religious imagery#even where it had no relevance#atheism#anyways#ive seen uncomfortably similar treatment that aces in particular have received for pointing out amatonormativity in a post#its rare these days though because atheists have long since been thuroughly shamed in american society as being edgy#which like wooow a christian nation that shames every other religion in some way found a way to shame nonreligious too? shocking#actually i get kinda annoyed when i think about it its one of those propaganda that people casually buy into#without examining it at all#youll see atheists acting like dancing monkeys trying to establish theyre not cringe guys its okay#just to talk about how they feel and think#i remember being a young adult and when someone started talking to me with the assumption of god being in the picture#and id get an eye roll like i was being childish not going along with it nevermind they inserted god into the convo in the first place#without question or comment#and i know it wasnt forceful the same way some ex religious folks can get a bit zealous the same way they were about religion#which theres something to eb said for that zealousness being acceptable when christian but not when atheist or another religion#but ive never gone through such a phase my family has been atheist for several generations now and we were taught to respect beliefs#anyways sorry idk why this is on my brain this afternoon i think i saw a post or smth and it reminded me of that youtuber
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besides legends arceus causing the whole "oh riley is actually really old (and at one point went by rye)" braincell it also led to other Fun Ideas about ancestry and dealing with who people expect you to be contrasting with who you really are :) especially with marley's japanese name (mai) becoming the english name for her ancestor and thus joining rye in being the stat trainer ancestors who share the same name origin as their present-day descendants/selves :) :) (also they were specifically made a team in the BDSP battle tower which might not mean much but i'm thinking about it now anyway)
#pokemon#stat trainer riley#riley pokemon#stat trainer marley#marley pokemon#blood curse of sir aaron#i didn't go into this series-thing with the idea of marley and riley having some very similar experiences but here we are now!#(also coloring with the spray can is really fun. might be doing more doodles like this in the future idk)#as for the other stat trainers! cheryl got clairvoyance from sabi but hasn't really been in the diamond clan for a while now#buck is well aware of the legacy captain zisu left behind and how big shoes those are to fill (but being a local god's favorite helps)#mira has no idea about pesselle until riley (and/or v) brings her up. she doesn't know a lot about her family history so it's nice to learn#i dunno how much i'm gonna get into Riley and Marley in the main course of events but boy oh boy will i still be writing about them#(and the other stat trainers of course. can't forget they're a whole team!)#willowarts
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one thing that is so genius on a craft level with the broken earth books is that the derogatory for 'orogene' is - That Way - on 100% purpose. you're supposed to feel like it's not a word to say out loud, it's supposed to be uncomfortably similar to words you've already heard and know as cruel slurs in the real world. it's a direct fucking parallel designed to deliberately give the reader that crawling feeling and it works so well i dont even feel right typing it up for a post
#which leads of course into direct parallels when orogenes reclaim it and start calling themselves it as a use name#which gives ESSUN the ick . despite using it herself in a derogatory/self-deprecating way#how they're not supposed to use it in the fulcrum because it's a slur. but this also gives them no framework for reclaiming it#an orogene who's grown up with that mindset will think it's crude or self-hating to start using the r-version in earnest#and this supposed mark of propriety and politeness thus becomes yet another way for the fulcrum to exert control#'don't use that word it's a dirty word.' 'we're the only organization on earth that will treat you like people. but we both know you're NOT#etc etc#which i think this level of bare-bones just-this-close-to-reality worldbuilding#might be part of what's prevented the series from getting as big as some other similar spec fic series#it's full of fantastic elements but the main conflict/problem with the world is a 1:1 problem we already have#i imagine a lot of readers feel uncomfortable about that#but also. as illustrated by this exact 1:1 problem. it's a very Black series by a Black author that is only ostensibly about people who can#move rocks with their minds#which is unfortunately the other reaosn i think it doesn't have the audience of say. baru#and i love baru! good books. having a lot of fun with them#but jemison's ability to write about the same things has this extra toothy edge that baru just ... won't. just by nature of experience#anyway there is so much in these books . god
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i feel like the makeup standards are not necessarily going to get Worse, just. stay the Same. "raised by sephora and ulta" christ alive yall act like this shit is new. as if this hasnt been the standard to blast young girls with makeup ads and shit via magazine and tv and imposed beauty standards anyway. the only real difference is like, idk, accessibility of tutorials for how to apply it well
#toy txt post#spoken as. a no makeup bitch#altho i have also been accused by a terf of wearing a pound if makeup for wearing. visible lipstick in a selfie. and that was It#the actual Beauty Standard has largely stayed the exact fucking same of like making your skin texture as fake as possible#that was the standard back then too but it was harder to achieve /know how to do it cos there werent tutorials the same way now#also yes sephora and ulta are evil and all that but like the same amount theyve always been.#yall really acting like these imposed beauty standards being exposed to children is like a new unique tiktom thing thats never happened#before. and yall blaming instagram are no fuckin better. this has been happening The Entire God Damn Time#also theres something rubbing me about the way this is getting talked about. 'she did all thos other arbitrary bullshit except this#One Thing! the discrimination against this one thing is awful!#and like. it is. but i feel like we could address that while also maybe stepping back a tiny bit further and questioning these arbitrary#standards of professionalism too while we're at it#why does she have to have a blazer either? why do the earrings have to be understated#why do the colors have ti be bland and boring? why does he hair have to be a natural color and gender conforming ?#etc etc etc#like if we're accepting all that other shit the ppl upset about this could acknowledge she might experience similar discrimination for say#very obvious goth or punk-y makeup or anything a little too far outside the bounds of the acceptable beauty standard#everyone is pissed about 'eyeliner sharp enough to kill a man' but theyd be saying nothing if she was discriminated for fuckin#big wings and black lipstick bc well thats Obviously not professional standard makeup. okay?#if we change how we look at professional standards of dress and makeup as a whole to include Fucking Freak Bitches#then it would be a lot easier to include No Makeup in there as welllllll#idk#im a no makeup bitch with blue hair whos only ever worked in warehouses so they didnt give too much of a shit about my lack of makeup#or blue hair as long as i didnt show up in like flip flops which is a Reasonable dress code bc its got an actual fucking reason#(safety so you dont lose your goddamn toes to a box or a grate or some shit) vs it makes the office corpo bros sad#anyway idk if you have the privilege to get away with it i think you should dress weirder in the office to get them used to weirder dress#maybe instead of Suddenly going No Makeup sort of slowly lessen the amount so its not a Sudden change or smth#again: if you have the privilege and job security to get away with it#also also also: easier to get away with if you were to say. mask. js. they cant get mad at schrodingers lack of lipstick
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the amount of DISDAIN I get from some ppl saying that blue flag is written for the straights.
girl I did not stay up til 6am reading this manga, tearing up and crying bc of how much I saw myself in characters like touma and masumi and how painfully relatable their pain/struggles were just for you to say that blue flag is for the straights
be so fr rn
#the usage of queer pain in blue flag was done so so SO fucking tastefully and with care towards ppl who experience similar struggles#there were so many very well done nuanced discussions not only relating to queerness but also towards other topics such as heteronormativit#and societal standards and choices and change#hell I even thought that the whole discussion on homophobia towards the end was done with care- there I said it#bc it isn't just like: HOMOPHOBIC PPL BAD!!#there's layers and different sides shown that some ppl may not agree with but Jesus Christ ITS PART OF THE FUCKING DISCUSSION#yall NEED to hear these other sides and stop closing your eyes to everything that isn't just like- homophobia bad >:(#bc god forbid we have nuanced talks about touchy subjects#sorry I'm just so annoyed that this is a fandom-wide agreement that the homophobia talk was handled badly#bc imo I don't think it was it was just trying to shine the topic in a different light#anyways this manga is brilliant and amazing and I need more ppl to read this#I'm even hoping for an anime adaptation idc if itll most likely be mediocre I just need more ppl to find this story#this manga resonated with me on such a deeply personal level as a queer person that I didn't even know was possible#'blue flag utilizes queer pain as a tool for the straights-' stfu speak for your fucking self#this manga wasn't written for the straights it was written for ME actually#blue flag
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WAIT A MINUTE that one tiktok audio but it's Brea and Anakin with their respective padawans
Kepler: Brea...am I (ugly) annoying? 🥺
Brea: what nonsense! I'm looking at you right now, you're the most beautiful padawan in the world!
Ahsoka: Master, am I (ugly) annoying?
Anakin: very much. 😑
#jane journals#self insert talk#platonic f/o#familial f/o#🪐 kepler quinn 🪐#☀️ brea callisto ☀️#🔥 general hothead 🔥#✂️ sister snips ✂️#AHFJGKG GOD ONE DAY I'LL HAVE TO MAKE THIS 😂😂😂#like?? i think about the dynamic we all have sometimes#the opposing styles of teaching and furthermore PARENTING that we have#theyre similar but still different yanno? we both teach with a lot of hands on experience and a lot of freedom#but anakin has a slightly rougher edge#he cares about ahsoka SO SO much he loves her 🥺🥺 but he's not afraid to be hard on her#and Brea's not NOT willing to be hard on kep but hes had it so hard his whole life#its more that hes harder on HIMSELF than anything else so she leads with a very gentle hand
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But do Lorcan and Elide ever have a conversation about being mates outside of that Maeve induced nightmare?!? What kind of 😭😭
SJM if we ever meet in person it’s on sight for robbing me of what Lorcan did and for no follow through with the mates convo between these two. (EDIT; AND NO WEDDING SCENE. SJM. WHAT IS YOUR DAMAGE?!) I mean wtf.
#elorcan#sjm is my enemy and my friend#literally if I was ever at a fan event and we got to Q&A her I would just rip into her about elide and Lorcan#‘when did you decide you wanted them to be together I need to know’#‘was it when you were designing their characters and respective gods?!? because that’s some GOOD SHIT Sarah I swear tfg’#‘CAN a human and a Demi fae be mates? how does that work? how do they know???’#‘is the experience similar to or different than fae/fae bonds?’#‘also would you argue then that it was kind of like a feysand situation where Lorcan was unknowingly waiting for her???’#even without knowing he was waiting for her since he was so AVERSE to love?!?! I mean omg#ship wars? I care not - I want information on the writing process of these two#I know she has a ton of bg info she isn’t sharing#don’t try to act like she doesn’t#you can’t just have him SAY something like this and then not give me MORE??#yeah ok he gives up his immortality for her#can they sense each other? is there an energetic bond?! ARE they mates?!?
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it’s so annoying when a teacher is like “oh you have again and are requesting these specific accommodations? well i have adhd and i don’t struggle with that so you just need to work harder :)”
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cannot stop thinking about yungi youth mv
#like what if i throw up#it's about the trauma and the tiredness and picking yourself back up and moving on it's about friendship and home#they lost sight of each other when they were so focused on themselves and their own shit#the shot of mingi in front of the mirrors where the center one is himself and the rest are yunho with his back towards him like !!!!!!!!!!!!#their old coping mechanisms not working#mingi used to use music to shut out the world so he could be alone but now it brings him back to yunho but yunho isn't THEREEEEE#yunho picked up his lore!brother's guitar bc it had been his dream before he died and he was grieving him but here he's smashing it on the-#-wrecked car the thing that took his brother away from him#and u can SEE yunho dancing in the burning house even in the 2 different sets u see flames through the windows#and mingi is watching the cabin burn alone until yunho walks into frame and we can breathe bc he's no longer trapping himself in that house#AND THE LOOK ON HIS FACE WHEN HE TURNS TO MINGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII#IT'S LIKE. WE'RE BOTH HERE. WE MADE IT AND WE'RE STILL TOGETHER.#gonna puke. idk if anything i've said makes sense it's after midnight and my head is a jumble they just got me feeling a lot#it's about the loneliness it's about the grief it's about watching ur past in third person it's about returning to yourself in the present#mingi i love u forever and ever. his lyrics have always hit the hardest like he Gets me#god this is just such a fever era song so ofc i'm obsessed like the lyrics in that series just fuckin HIT#they talk abt how hard and lonely and scary and confusing and tiring it is growing up and i start thrashing and clawing at the walls#how wonderful to not only be alive at the same time as atz but to be the same age & have similar experiences so their music feels like a hug#like. i'm not alone huh#ANYWAY. did not come here with the intention of saying anything in the tags i was just gonna post that picture but alas#kara can talk
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having did and being online in any capacity is so fucking exhausting because you literally can't go anywhere without seeing the most heinous takes about your existence or validity it's like. can we be normal. can we please be normal and Chill for like two seconds.
#HEADS UP: this accidentally turned into a huge rant/vent feel free to get the hell out el oh el#i try reallly hard not to talk about it too much here because you can. offhandedly mention the mere concept of did or osdd or any#dissociative disorder and its like. people will not shut up about how its not real or how its people being delusional or kids being cringe#like. can we go. two seconds without treating people with mental disorders like a spectacle. please. you dont have to have a ''take'' on it#idk and i also avoid online did communities bc theyre the most exhausting spaces you can ever be in and theres constant fighting about#literally anything and everything. like. maybe i would like to find a space to meet other people with similar experiences to my own.#and we dont get that!! we literally cannot get that. and this goes for a lot of mental health related stuff but like my god#and im very lucky to have other people i know in real life who also have did so i can in some amount have that support system (hah.)#but it is EXHAUSTINGG that people cannot go literally a day without saying something stupid about systems#or i can be following someone for years and unprompted they will saysomething heinous thing about did and hide it behind something like#get a load of how weird and cringey kids are getting online these days.#and CHRISTT thats a whole OTHER issue i REALLY dont wanna talk about because it has its own whole set of nuances but like jeeeesus#is it really so hard for people to grasp that brains when exposed to traumas at a young age will be affected by it in weird ways.#idk man ive been seeing a lot of offhanded disregard for systems recently and it's so normalized and it's starting to get to me i guess#i wish people could just go well this is something i dont understand and dont need to have an opinion on and move on with their lives.#what the hell ever this is all to say having did has impacted my life in a lot of complicated and intricate and hard to explain ways and it#sometimes painful and awful but other times is an incredible experience and ALSO. most IMPORTANTLY !#i should be able to make jokes about BEING FRIENDS with SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG!! in REAL LIFE!!!#and not have to deal with SUICIDE BAIT IN MY INBOXX BECAUSE OF IT!!!#WHATEVERRR !!! RANT OVARRR I HAVE NOODLES TO MAKE AND EAT#.... WITH my friend SHADOW!!!#.txt#and btw this isnt about anyone ik here so dont worry im not upset with any mutuals etc etc and all that.#in fact i love getting the chance to chat about it n it can be fun to teach stuff to people who know how to like...be normal about it LOL#<3
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