#literally 2 insane extremes of religious trauma

[bitchliteraria1906]

Trying to write about how Kyoko and Homura being religious affects their characters but I'm not smart enough to make it coherent.

[lesbianrobin]

nobody asked but here are my steve characterization pet peeves:

people making him Only listen to pop top 40 when he canonically listens to rock and also like. who in real life only listens to one genre. be serious.

acting like he's never tried a drug in his sheltered little life when 1. he was Keg Stand King 2. he's gotten in trouble with his dad for weed and 3. he was high as fuck On Screen from the russian truth serum

making him into a terrible bully who shoved people into lockers and shit when canonically the only time he "bullied" anyone was jonathan after he took the pictures and nancy after the perceived cheating. were those nice things to do? no, but he was not running around tormenting random nerds for fun!

making him like egregiously stupid. i know the show does this sometimes but the show Also lets him have his brilliant strategic moments and lets him make connections and shit but some people just write him like he's got the brain of a goldfish.

this is less ab canon and more of a personal thing but i hate when people make him have like insane religious trauma ab being bi/gay as if he hasn't been a premarital sex having slut since episode one. i realize that the guilt and shame around homosexuality is different and i can buy steve struggling with it but i still just cannot see him being like That distraught. weirder shit has happened. he adapted to robin being gay immediately. he talks to her about boobies. this man literally does not have such extreme sexual hang-ups he just Doesn't.

[skullfacedog]

ok I know trying to force myself to remember my repressed memories is bad and all, thinking too much about it is bad, ik, HOWEVER I am desperate to know if they’re real so I did some research last night to try to figure out what daycare I went to as a kid bc I’m angry that I just do not remember anything about my daycare. and I looked thru like, every single daycare in my hometown that I could find online and it’s so frustrating bc I don’t recognize any of them, I feel like I’m just trying to piece together tiny splices of memories that are extremely blurry and distorted and it’s like, well I KNOW for a fact that I went to some daycare or separate preschool thing as a 5 year old before elementary school, I never went to pre-k in a normal elementary school I went to some separate preschool thing instead. but either the place I went to is closed now and I can’t find info on it online or my memory is so shit I can’t recognize it from the pictures I looked at, or it’s visually changed so much in the past 12 years that I just don’t recognize it anymore which is definitely a possibility. there’s 2 in particular that kiiind of seem familiar but I’m not entirely sure. I hate talking to my family unless it’s necessary but I may try to casually ask my mom at some point what the daycare/preschool I went to was because I was just thinking about it or something. but she’s dealing with a lot of medical stuff rn so I don’t wanna casually ask smth like that rn lol.

I also tried doing some research into convicted criminals in my hometown. none of them look familiar and I can’t find any that have been records of working at a school or daycare at all, which is kind of shocking that there are no convicted criminals who worked with kids in my hometown like there’s no way there’s just no pedos who worked with kids in that town?? so all that really tells me is that they were never caught :/ or I guess they could’ve moved and been convicted in another city/state but it seems impossible to find what I’m looking for online. the fact that there are no sex offenders who worked around kids in my hometown kinda makes me doubt my repressed memories more but ik a lot of those people, especially if they’re religious which my hometown is highly religious, get away with it for the rest of their lives. and that makes me so mad. I hope my abuser is dead or living a miserable life and slowly rotting and I really hope he’s not able to hurt anyone else.

another thing I remembered recently is my parents not wanting me to go to a religious summer camp because they previously had an outed pedo at that summer camp (he was in jail and I was 17 at the time so I was mad they still didn’t let me go lmao) and I swear I remember them connecting that situation to another time a pedo was outed after working with kids, seemingly in our hometown but I don’t remember if they said where it was? I’m p sure they just said like “nevermind” and changed the subject but I could be misremembering bc that was 9 years ago and I have absolute shit memory lol (my high school years are blurry as fuck I love trauma brain!!) like idk if I’m just making shit up to fit my narrative or if that rlly happened bc if it did that’s sus af. and I didn’t think much of it at the time so I didn’t take note of it. but whatever, I’ll prob just ask my mom about the daycare so I can get the name and once I have the name of the daycare I can do more research to figure out if they had any sus workers or convicted criminals who previously worked there or any bad reviews, and look at pictures online to see if it triggers any memories. ik I’m not ready to remember the whole thing but I just need enough to know if my feelings are legit or if I’m literally just insane and gaslighting myself into believing I have repressed CSA because I want to be sicker or whatever. I keep thinking like idk I was kinda a normal kid tho there was nothing sus about me... but then I think about how quiet I was, how I was so scared of sexual topics but in private would be utterly fascinated by it, how I was the most obedient child in existence. I literally have paraphilias and traumakinks and I’m like hmmmm maybe I am making it up and never actually experienced csa lol <3

also been wondering lately if I have a system trauma holder who just hasn’t shown themselves bc none of my current headmates are trauma holders. so like @ my trauma holder if you exist ily ty for doing your job and keeping the rest of us safe, shoutout to trauma holders fr. ty for bearing our burden and allowing me to live a SOMEWHAT normal childhood despite having neglectful religious parents and not identifying as human on top of everything else lol.

[katsidhe]

Top 5 SPN relationships that aren't Dean&Sam

My top five actually all still include Sam, so first, here are some honorable mentions without him:

Kevin and Crowley: really fascinating combination of hatred and respect, and even trust, especially given Kevin and Crowley’s respective metamorphoses over the course of s8-9. They’re both in a way caught up in the machinations of Sam and Dean. Kevin of course loathes Crowley, but also kinda appreciates knowing where he stands with him. It was Crowley’s capture of him that pushed Kevin into becoming self-sufficient and paranoid and driven; it was Kevin’s escape and translation of the trials that pushed Crowley into being proactive in s8.

Jody and Alex: <3 their connection in 9.19 is so vital and real, based on shared loss and honesty.

Michael and Adam: Jake Abel has crazy chemistry with himself. And it’s endlessly interesting to speculate on how their relationship grew in the environment of the Cage.

Cas and Hannah: just, really nice to see Cas have a relationship with one of his siblings that is mostly positive and well-meaning (except when it’s not). Hannah represents all the good things about Heaven that Cas wants to preserve, both his complicated hopes and his frustrations with his native people. She offers him in return contrast and clarity.

5. Sam and Ruby

The hideous artistry of her manipulation! The insane chemistry! The ways that Sam’s victimhood here is tied up inextricably in his power, in moments of success and pride and trust and triumph! It’s so damn formative. The religious zeal in her love for him, the look in her eyes when she turned to him in 4.22 and fully believed that she had brought him to paradise, that she had helped him carry his cross and driven in the nails and together they would be rewarded—

4. Sam and Rowena

In a way, Sam and Rowena are an inversion of Sam and Ruby. Rowena’s transparently manipulative—she, too, uses Sam to set Lucifer free. She offers Sam power to beat impossible odds, in s10 and s11. But it’s so much less personal, for her: it’s not about using Sam, it’s about the ends she craves—her own power and freedom. So when she loses both in spectacular fashion, when she extends her vulnerability in s13 and Sam answers it with his own, it’s electrifying. It’s clear-eyed. Rowena is looking at someone she’s used and recognizing the hurt, and Sam sees a genuine need for connection in her. Their contrast is so good: she gives her wants and needs and pride an unfettered permission that Sam will not give his own, while Sam has lines in the sand that she does not. Drives me crazy, how much they trust one another by the end, although Sam knows how much she’s done, and Rowena knows Sam will be her death.

3. Sam and Jack

Sam as a father, oh, my heart. Sam and Jack are in some ways so simple, in the care and the regard they have for each other, in how Sam instantly adopted Jack and how Jack is instantly protective of him. But mostly they’re so complicated. The Lucifer thing is just the huge tip of the huge iceberg. Their relationship is founded on so many delicate lies and half-truths: Sam minimizes not just the extent of Lucifer’s nature, but also the extent of the danger Dean poses to Jack, and the practical need they have for Jack’s portal powers. They’re good for each other—better for each other than either of them realizes, I think—but the fundamental incompatibility of what they need from each other is heartbreaking.

2. Sam and Cas

Another relationship that is so simple and so complicated. The honest care and faith that they have in each other, the complexity of their orbit around Dean, the batshit insanity of their plans, their alien disregard for personal pain and danger when there’s a goal to meet: iconic. I really like the quiet internalism of their relationship, how it’s founded in a deep care and trust that, somewhat perversely, also enables their most reckless and self-destructive instincts. They like jumping off cliffs together/doing ill-advised soul experiments together.

1. Sam and Lucifer

If you think I wasn’t gonna rank this number one, you must be extremely new here. I live a Sam’n’Lucifer appreciation life. Everything about them drives me INSANE. Oh man, how do I sum it up: the horror! the trauma! to be alone for YEARS with someone who will not stop hurting you, the awful and inevitable intimacy of that! What Lucifer wants, what Sam wants, the dreadful asymmetry! The weird respect, the gaslighting, the abuse in every possible way, the years and years of fallout, the sheer enormity of their relationship offscreen that must be reconstructed forensically, by the huge and hideous shadow it casts. I am literally always thinking about them. I literally always crave the barest excuse to talk about them.

[unofficialperson]

Top five dragon age characters (and why if u want to uwu) and top 5 demons (can be about om but idk anything about it srry)

(clutches my heart) argh, two of my favorite things.

Dragon age, firstly.

Fenris. Don't know what to say about him, I'm extremely gay, he's hot. Also I have a soft spot for all the elves in general because of uhhhh let's call it racial identity issues and bioware sucks fr for that native-coding but also fenris is simply interesting to me, and he at times seems contradictory but also not really but also yes. <-drives me insane. Also best, and funniest, and most useful da2 companion, can't change my mind.

Alistair. Hell yeah religious trauma and family neglect. also he's mixed, it's okay, he can beat back the white boy allegations at my say so.

Morrigan. Man let's just ignore the evil-stupid alignment bioware gave her and acknowledge her as being the complicated, morally grey, lesbian she is.

Merrill. Yeah. She's my bestie :)

Carver, he's like an actual brother to me and I'll fight anyone over him.

Fuck it, I really like my hawke, and ironically not much of my wardens. Not really a dragon age character, but I take canon and mold it like clay owo .

Demons.

Satan, obey me version. He's literally so unhinged, but also he's unabashedly in love with MC, the others all have weird hangups and are too tsundere about it to have fulfilling romances to me, imo, so he's both refreshing and also feels reassuring. His romance is just really cute. Also I can relate to his issues because I deal with similar shit, wrt to struggling with identity, constantly being compared to our creators, people constantly ignoring our boundaries.....anger issues. He's like The Most Character in this game. I love him.

Satan, fuck it....satan again! Biblical version. I don't know what to say, beyond have you ever read the Bible.

Mammon, from obey me. I want to study this man under a microscope. He's like my pathetic meow meow (platonic).

Fuck it, I'll have a littol ego and say my own character from btg. Act 3 or so, there's a demon called Ose, who is a shapeshifter. You fight him,uhhh as the player :) and I can't really talk about him.

leviathan, also obey me version. NGL I hated his ass in s1, but he had all this growth in s2 that got me to come around, which disappeared in s3 but sh we are ignoring that. He's just like this littol otaku freak but also in a normal way. Idk he's got autism swagger.

Like half of the demon roster in diablo 2 because the designs fuck severely.

The pride demon in origins, the one in the mage origin. That was cool as hell and that scene was really memorable :).

Actually I need to stop, so I'll end it there .

[fioress]

chicago’s very own fiore gattuso has been spotted on madison avenue driving a 2020 bentley continental gt v8 in red , welcome ! your resemblance to lorenzo zurzolo is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty first birthday bash  . your chance of surviving new york is uncertain because you’re impatient , but being cunning might help you . i think being a libra explains that .  3 things that would paint  a  better picture of you would be bloodshot baby blue eyes, long drives without a specific destination, getting high by the beach. ( i have been conning money out of older women and men ever since my parents disowned me  ) & ( cismale + he/him  )

tw : abuse, homophobia

full  name : fiore emiliano luca gattuso ( first name pronounced fee-oh-reh, also see here! )

nicknames : fifi, emmy ( by people who know his middle name ), some people might say... flower boy ( fiore literally means flower in italian ) 😳

gender : cismale

height :  5 ′ 8

age : 21

birthday : october 14 , 1998

zodiac : libra  ( leo moon, aquarius ascendant )

right  handed  or  left  handed : left  handed

eye  color : baby blue

hair  color : basically dark blonde / light brown

piercing  &  tattoos : the libra symbol on his left wrist, a cartilage piercing on his right ear

languages  spoken : italian  ( native  tongue ), english, spanish, sicilian ( after many summers spent in his parents’ summer house in sicily )

sexuality : bisexual

place  of  birth : napoli, italia ( naples, italy in english )

last  3  songs  listened  to : dimmi che mi ami by dj matrix ( a full on fucking italian boy tbh ), talk is cheap by chet faker, west coast by lana del rey

character  inspo : maxxie oliver from skins u.k , adam groff from sex education ( think season 2 adam ), alyssa foley from the end of the fucking world, david rose from schitt’s creek, michael kelso from that 70′s show, a mix of nick miller & winston bishop from new girl, maeby funke from arrested development 

♡ so fiore was born to an american mother named lindsey harrison & a fully italian father named gian gattuso. his mother is a very well known politician & his father is heir of a very popular gas company, literally named gattuso gas ( yikes lol ). besides that, he is also a preacher. without saying much, his parents are very well off

♡ fiore grew up with anything he’s ever wanted ( materialistically, of course ). besides that, his parents genuinely weren’t the best of people. his mother stole millions from the so called campaigns she ran & was a generally very corrupt politician, his father treated his employees like shit & was a pretty hateful person altogether

♡ they were people who expected a lot out of their only son, which made fiore feel an insane amount of pressure from the very start. at a very young age, he showed characteristics lots of boys his age didn’t show. he did things like peeing while sitting down instead of standing up, preferred to play with dolls instead of ‘boy toys’, favored the color pink, got along better with girls, preferred to watch shows that were considered ‘girly’, etc etc. 

♡ they were very harmless things honestly, things that most parents would laugh about & turn a blind eye. however, fiore really wasn’t that lucky when it came to his parents. any time he would do anything his parents claimed a ‘normal boy wouldn’t do’, he would get a huge lecture & a beating to go with it. needless to say, he learned to hide a lot of who he really was from a very young age

♡ he did a lot of things to seek the approval of his parents. he wasn’t smart academically ( dumb boi 101 tbh ), but he tried to make them happy in other ways. fiore was never fond of sports at all, but he started playing tennis at seven years old, because it made his parents happy. truth be told, he hated tennis with every fiber of his being, but again, he did this, simply because it satisfied his parents 

♡ fiore grew up trying to be the perfect son, considering the fact his parents were very much in the public eye of everyone. it was all smiles for the pictures, but behind closed doors, he really wasn’t the happiest boy ever

♡ simply put, he has always known that he likes boys. he likes girls too, don’t get him wrong, but he knew, literally since he could remember, that he also had a thing for guys too. of course, he knew this wouldn’t settle well at all with his extremely strict & religious parents, so he buried his feelings incredibly deep 

♡ he has a lot of charm & wit & found himself getting into relationships quicker than most of his friends. he briefly dated a girl when he was fourteen, but it was when he was sixteen that things really began getting, dare i say, spicy?

♡ there was an american boy new to his very #elite school & if you guessed it, they began to date! yup, his first boyfriend at sixteen years old. fiore was basically living two lives at this point. at school, he was himself, loud & proud, but when he got home, the facade began. the way he would switch up as soon as he entered the front door to his house was honestly shockingly scary 

♡ he really felt himself falling in love with this boy even though they were both fairly young. they snuck around forever. when no one was home, he would sneak him into his room to have sex, sneak out of his house when his parents were asleep, all that fun stuff. their relationship was forbidden ( at least to fiore’s parents ). this is where it gets juicy af tho, hear me out 

♡ so one day, fiore & him get really really drunk & honestly? video record themselves having sex! 😊 they didn’t do this to post it anywhere or show anyone or anything, they really just did it for themselves. they made a few copies & kept it for themselves ( stupid boys, i know! ), but they really felt like they would get married & all that gooey lovey dovey shit so they did it because yolo i guess? this is where it gets peak #juicy

♡ so fiore & him are walking back from practice. this is a time where fiore knows no one is home & no one is coming home for a while, so when they get to his house & see his father’s car parked outside, he lowkey panics a little. of course he makes the guy leave & goes inside to see what’s going on

♡ his father asks him to come upstairs & surprisingly, leads him into his room. he says something along the lines of ‘i just want to show you this so i can hear your explanation on what the fuck this is’ & this is when fiore’s entire life practically takes a 360. his father turns on his tv & legit starts playing his sex tape with his boyfriend. just picture this though; your extremely religious & hateful father & you sitting on your bed, watching your gay sex tape with your boyfriend

♡ obviously, this news isn’t well taken by his father. to make a long story short, he gets his ass beat. like, literally almost dies type shit. when this happened, he was seventeen, almost eighteen. he knew if that was ever discovered by his parents, it wouldn’t go well, but he really didn’t think them discovering his sexuality would be that brutal

♡ his parents basically disown him at that moment. they bought him a ticket to chicago & told him they never wanna see him again. it’s sad, but he packed his things & left in two days to go live with his cousin in chicago. citizenship wasn’t a problem because he had dual citizenship due to his mother being american

♡ it doesn’t really take an expert to figure out that fiore did not take this move well at all. for months, he was really depressed. he wouldn’t go out & would just lay in bed for the longest time. he was really hurt by everything that happened & it took him a while to recover. he has also lived in italy his whole life & wasn’t really used to life in america at all, but after like the fourth month of just feeling sorry for himself, it was his cousin who snapped him back to reality

♡ slowly but surely, he began putting himself out there. his english honestly #sucked when he first got to america, but it’s gotten a lot better since then ( he still has a pretty deep italian accent though ). at first, he began working at a pizza place, but fiore slowly began to realize how much he despised working. his entire life, he received everything on a silver plater with pure golden spoons, so this? he was for sure not used to it at all. again, his life completely did a 360. he went from living in a three story mansion in the most prestigious part of rome to living in a very shitty part of chicago, broke almost always, & working a job he hated with everything he had, splitting rent with his cousin

♡ fiore did not want this at all for himself. it wasn’t until he went out clubbing ( fake id & all ), that one his friends showed him the wonders of conning people. they walked into the bar with twenty bucks and left with four thousand dollars 

♡ quickly, fiore began to learn his friends’ ways. his looks, personality & his thick italian accent helped him tremendously; it was like people literally couldn’t get enough of him. soon enough, he was conning & finessing the fuck out of older men & women for their money. he once walked into a casino with five dollars and walked out with over twelve thousand, & it was only because he stayed for like an hour only

♡ finessing people became a huge hobby of his. it was with all this money that he bought himself a luxury car & jump started his model & influencer career. it was also with this money that him & his cousin ditched chicago & moved into a much better apartment in new york. with his looks & persona, he gained followers like crazy & posted videos on youtube as well, getting sponsorships & recognition easier than he expected. he was literally living off his looks & his personality & honestly? he was here for it! 

♡ there is still a part of fiore that has a lot of issues & trauma. honestly mommy & daddy issues af, but he doesn’t talk about this at all. no one really knows how he came up or where his family is & he keeps it this way, dodging questions about his personal life as much as he can

♡ in a way, he is kind of relieved with everything that happened with his parents because now, he’s completely free to be himself & do whatever the fuck he wants, knowing very well they can’t really touch him now. of course, it still left a mark that he’s never going to be able to erase or forget ( both in his heart & on his body too ), but he feels free for once in his life & he’s honestly kind of happier now 

♡ relationship wise, he really doesn’t commit to anyone. after practically being forced to leave his now ex boyfriend at almost 18, he kind of feels like he doesn’t deserve love? it’s really fucked up but he’s genuinely convinced that no one is ever going to genuinely love him or want to be with him so he just avoids any romantic relationship of any kind, usually just hooking up with people & then leaving as soon as it’s over. the truth is that he really does want to be loved, accepted & cared for by someone he loves, accepts & cares for as well, but will it ever happen if he continues pushing people away? probably not tbh 

♡ he is a fucking drinker & hella pot smoker!! legit give him some alcohol & weed he’s happy. he always has either one on him, or both tbh 

♡ this is all that’s coming to mind rn but underneath is his bio!!

       fiore was born to lindsey and gian gattuso in naples, italy. from a very young age, he showed characteristics most boys his age didn’t show. he would pee sitting down, every time he would visit his cousins, he would rather play dolls with them instead of ‘boy toys’, favored the color pink, watched things that were considered ‘girly’, etc. of course, this never settled well with his extremely religious parents, and every time he would do something even remotely different than a ‘regular’ boy would do, he would get a huge lecture, and a beating to go with it. that being said, fiore was quick to learn to hide a lot of who he really was. he absolutely despised tennis, but he played it anyways, and he did it, simply because it made his parents happy. the gattuso’s had a ton of money, so he played tennis in nearly all of europe. he has always known that he likes boys, maybe even a little bit more than he likes girls. literally since he’s had a sense of judgement, he’s just known. of course, he kept this a secret, practically living a double life, being himself at school and someone completely different at home. it didn’t take long for him to get a boyfriend, and soon, he found himself slowly falling in love. secretly sneaking him into the house when his parents weren’t home to have quickies, holding hands with him down the school hallways, and even lying to his parents and telling them he was going going to tennis practice just to hang out with him. however, one mistake costed him, well, everything.

        they were drunk and goofing around, and decided to record themselves having sex. it was innocent and pure, both of them just making love to each other in the rawest, loveliest form. the two boys made copies of it, and fiore kept one for himself. one day, when he was trying to sneak his boyfriend into the house, he saw his dad’s car parked outside, which was odd because he was never home around that time. his boyfriend left, and he went to go investigate. his father was beyond calm, and bought him up to his room. his room. fiore was confused as his father told him to sit down on the bed, and soon, his worst nightmare became a reality. his father began playing his damn sex tape on his dvd player, and to say he was mortified was an understatement. he was humiliated, and most of all, afraid. it came without much warning, but soon, his father was throwing punches to his face, his stomach, everywhere, dragging him down the stairs just for it to continue. all he saw was blood. for the first time in forever, fiore truly felt like he had hit rock bottom. they took away his cellphone, any type of technology he had to communicate with was gone, and before he knew it, he was being shipped off to america, completely cut off by his parents.

        fiore definitely didn’t take the move so well. he was a depressed mess. he wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t sleep, and over all, just felt out of place. it took him a pretty long time, but eventually, he began adjusting. of course he was still super hurt over everything that had happened, his parents cutting him off, him being away from his now ex boyfriend, his first true love, but time luckily healed most of his pain, and soon, he found himself bettering his english, making friends, and fitting right in. at least he didn’t have to play tennis here. living with his cousin wasn’t so bad either. they constantly smoked, drank like there was no tomorrow, and he even managed to land him a job at a pizza delivery place. fiore hated this job though, but after a night our with friends, he found himself learning the art of conning and finessing older men and women. he does this like there’s no tomorrow, the money he made from all these schemes helping him jumpstart his career as an influencer and model, which bought him back to his typical luxurious lifestyle. fiore is just trying to get by, one day at a time.

extra spice:

[mysaldate]

On the topic of BSD mental issues..

Because a lot of people in this fandom just LOVE to bestow their own mental problems on characters and even go so far as to claim not a single BSD character is mentally alright, I went on a little rant to debunk this bulshit of a claim. If you’re one of those who support the “everyone is mentally ill because I said so” theory, don’t even bother reading this, please, and save us both the time.

If you do read, however, please keep in mind those are just my opinions and analysis and why I personally find the claim that everyone is mentally ill bulshit. You’re free to believe what you want but I’ve had multiple people come spurting out insults at me simply for not believing every single character is mentally diasbled.

First, our beloved ADA Atsushi - He's actually doing really well. Sure, he's not 100% ok but we were given no serious childhood trauma impacts (except for flashbacks that don't really... do anything to him mentally except for motivating him to do better which is, you know, not a sign of mental illness), he doesn't have self-destructive tendencies, he doesn't feel like he owes the society anything but he doesn't slip to nihilism either. His motivations are humane and sane and relatable. I mean, if anyone told you your friends would be in mortal danger if you stay with them, wouldn't you try to get away from them too? Dazai - Ok, Dazai is far from stable. He still handles his issues surprisingly well though and his constant suicide attempts are really played off as a joke, which is not the best way to handle them but it takes a lot of seriousness from it and kind of makes it hard to believe it's what he actually wants to do with his life. Especially since there are times where he goes out of his way to make sure he stays alive (Dead Apple being just one example). Kunikida - Arguably one of the most stable characters in the show. Some people claim he has OCD but have you ever seen an actual OCD patient? His love for schedules and hard time when they can't be kept is something that runs in my family and nobody has ever been diagnosed with OCD. People need to realize that having your life planned out is not a mental illness. Yosano - I'm a little more benevolent about Yosano, especially since she has a more psychotic side to her and she seems actually damaged by her childhood but I stiil stand my point that she is doing extremely well for someone who supposedly has a mental illness. It's almost as if the "insane" side of her was purposedly overblown for comedic purposes. Ranpo - I know a lot of people say he's autistic but I don't agree with that hc. Why? Well, I have a classmate who's not autistic and she's exactly like him. She's smart, almost genius, has great deduce skills and brilliant crime-solving abilities (tested multiple times with Black Stories or whatever that game is called in english) but she is unable to live on her own. She knows close to nothing about real life, skills used for everyday functioning and as for public transport, she only learnt how to use it recently and she's almost 19 years old. I also have an autistic friend who specifically said he'd find it insulting to hear that Ranpo is supposedly autistic. Tanizaki - I'm not sure what to say here, Tanizaki is a normal guy. Nothing special about him. He's willing to go great lengths for his little sister but I think anyone with younger siblings can relate to that. At least anyone who cares for their younger siblings. Kenji - Go on and tell me how Kenji of all people has a mental illness, I dare you. And if you pull out his cheeriness, you're obviously just too depressed to fathom that some people might actually enjoy life. Fukuzawa - Again, one of the most stable characters in the series. Say what you will but he's not unstable and his ability to stay calm at almost any situation except for when his kids are in danger is just further proof of this. Kyouka - I'd say she might have issues. My afforementioned autistic classmate pointed out that she feels autistic to him so there's that. Also her childhood visibly screwed her over. However, she's still surprisingly stable and normal despite all of that so while she might have some issues, they are greatly balanced by her strong will and natural personality. Naomi - I wouldn't say Naomi is 100% ok in the head but not to a point where I'd claim an actual mental illness. Sure, I'm not a doctor but nor is anyone who diagnoses her with whatever it is they diagnose her with. Haruno - And exactly what is wrong about Haruno? She's cute, positive, cheery, hard-working and supportive. And she gets scared in situations that invoke this. Literally NOTHING weird.

Next up is our dear Port Mafia Akutagawa - No denying it, Aku has serious issues. Again though, he's doing far better than most people with similar problems but that could just be due to him letting his frustrations out via murder. Chuuya - No issue found here. Sure, he's a little short-tempered but that's about it. A lot of people are short-tempered without being mentally ill. And he could be portrayed with some serious issues due to his origin and past. Gin - Do we even know enough about her to diagnoze her? All we know is that she's silent, a little shy and that she's always on odds with Tachihara. Make me a diagnosis from that. Higuchi - Aside from her massive crush on Aku, there's nothing weird about her. She probably picked the wrong job but she's willing to work hard anyway to earn her place there,, which is not exactly typical for people with mental illnesses. Hirotsu - STABLE PERSON. Just... what else is there to him? He is literally the voice of reason who commands the black lizard solely because he can actually keep them under control. Geez, there is literally nothing linking him to any mental problem! Kajii - This guy's got issues, no denying it. And I won't even say he could do worse because obviously he could but he's fairly close to being the insanest (is that a word?) he can get. Kouyou - Oh look, ANOTHER completely stable person. I mean, come on, she's been an executive since Dazai and Chuuya were 15, that's seven years. Clearly she couldn't hold her position if she weren't stable. Not to mention, we saw her being stable in stressing situations so. many. times. Elise - She's an ability. No comment. Mori - Yes, he has his issues. But he's the hypercompetent Mafia boss who stayed in charge for a very long time already and there's no sign of anyone overthrowing him any time soon, nor planning to because he's just a great leader, something he couldn't be if he was mentally ill. Oda - Do I even need to elaborate on this? Oda is very probably the sanest person we got, one who sees the wrongs of his past and does his best to overcome them and repent, all of which goes without him being depressed or self-loathing in the slightest. Randou - This has been talked about a lot. Randou is sensitive and impulsive and sometimes acts on emotions rather than rationallity. None of that makes him a mentally ill person. It just makes him a person, a human being we can all relate to. Ace - Ace is a selfish human being who thinks too highly of himself and is manipulative and abusive. Is that a problem? Yes, obviously. Is that a mental illness? Not necessarily and more likely no than yes. He does things for his personal gain and everything went his way for far too long for him to expect it to go any other way. And as we all know, power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutelly. Q - Does anyone really think Q is sane?

Now for the group that so many people dislike it’s honestly sad, the Guild Francis - Francis is, first and foremost, a very loving husband and father. He goes on this insane mission to Japan to obtain a mystical object he believes is real but never got any deffinite proof of. Is he naive? Perhaps so. And after he loses, he gets depressed and broken because he finds out his wedding ring disappeared, probably because his wife did something. That breaks him. And honestly? He has every right to break down. It's understandable and human and it does not make him mentally ill. Louisa - While yes, she is very shy and some argue she has some sort of anxiety disorder, all of this can be explained by the fact that she's practically a child. She's 18 dammit. Who could leave their home country at 18 only with an organization of older people, who also all seem very sure of themselves, while having no combat ability and nothing to really bring to the table? If she were mentally weak, there's no way she'd go looking for Francis after his fall, it's actually more likely she'd hurry back home, probably with tears and fear of being arrested if she were to stay in Japan for longer. Margaret - Name me one thing that makes you think Margaret of all people would have a mental issue. One thing. Most of her screentime is her being a vegetable. And while that is certainly a health problem, not a mental health one. Nathaniel - Hey, he was completely ok before meeting Fyodor. Being religious is not a mental health problem and f you if you say otherwise. John - Again, nothing unstable about John. He's not even that selfish, doing what he can to support his family and even picking up the remainings of the Guild to keep the people together and give them new hope because, y'know, hope is very important to people. Lovecraft - He's not even human. You can't apply human mental health logic to him. Herman - We've seen him for how much... 2 minutes total? And even from just that, he seemed like a calm and composed guy. No sign of mental problems whatsoever. Mark - He's hyper, that's what people say at least. But is he really? Kind of hard to believe when all we've seen of him is two scenes of adrenalin rush, one scene where he tries to lift the spirits of his coworkers and one scene where he just decides to go back home because this adventure is obviously over. No sign of mental illness here either. Lucy - A little more visible traumatic impact than with Atsushi and some abandonment issues, which are completely understandable and relatable. Not necessarily a mental illness. Poe - Ok so Poe doesn't feel well in company of others and he is a little psychotic when he gets too into his self-assigned role but 1) introverts are not mentally ill and 2) it's completely natural to get carried away when we witness the person we believe wronged us getting some karma back.

The one group that appeared for such a short time, yet everyone seems to love them, the Rats Fyodor - The most obvious god complex, clearly. He's not sane but he's stable so there's that. Nobody says he's ok, he's clearly not. But he's composed and smart enough to not let his issues control him. Ivan - Part of his brain is literally gone. He's not ok. he can't be. And unless part of your brain is missing too, you physically can't relate to him. Pushkin - Actually a stable, understandable character. Weak men are known through all of history to be the causes of major drama simply because their complexes over being weak lead to them finding joy in torturing the strong. It's not a mental illness, it's just bad character. Oguri - Clearly, Ogugu has issues. Call it survivor's guilt or PTSD or whatever you want, he has issues. Nobody is denying that. Still, he's doing fairly well when not desperatelly trying to seem evil.

I do not feel like doing the Hunting Dogs for the sole reason of me not liking them enough to focus on their mental states but they are pretty much lab rats, artificially enhanced humans and that alone should be enough to explain why I don’t believe in applying normal psychology to them. As for the Decay of Angels, there’s still much more to learn about them so I won’t get into that just yet. And when it comes to the governmental agents, I haven’t read the novels so I only know a bit about Ango and I honestly don’t see how anyone could think Ango has a mental illness.

I repeat again, these are my opinions, based on my experiences and what I’ve studied about mental illnesses (because believe it or not, I study about these things quite a lot). It doesn’t fit except for Tumblr romanticised versions of them and even those are iffy. You’re free to agree and disagree with all of this or with just certain parts but please don’t feel required to share your thoughts, I frankly don’t much care.

With that I bid you goodbye, at least until another thing prompts me to make a long-ass analysis almost nobody will read, nor care for.

[primeadv]

SITS DOWN

PULLS OUT 10 GIANT ALBUMS :))) 

(this came out way longer than I intended im so fuckgkdsdf sory)

How I feel about this character: EVERYONE WHO KNOWS ME KNOWS I’M IN LOVE WIHT RATCHET. I love him in all iterations of Transformers because he’s always the tired, pragmatic one of the group. In contrast, he’s also almost tiredly optimistic in some ways. He won’t get out of bed, but if someone gets shot in the head he’ll spend however long and beyond to resuscitate them. There’s 2 halves to this--the me who identifies with the beating exhaustion he exudes, and the me who’s in awe that he’ll still fight his way through life.  I won’t... get into each continuity...because that’s too much, so I’ll stick with probably the most unpopular version of him and that’s IDW (my impression, anyway). IDW Ratchet gets a lot of flack for being way too sour and like, maybe not selfish, but uncaring. He cares! A lot! He’s always thinking about everyone in really surprisingly thoughtful ways. Like when he’s 90% sure he’ll die due to Overlord and his last words are to promote First Aid to CMO (he’s ready!! god that’s sweet), and to give his hands to Whirl (though maybe a bit blindsided, he’s paid attention to some roots of Whirl’s trauma). Or yeah he’s hella mean to Drift in the beginning, but when Drift is dying in his arms he’s scREAMING at him “you’re gonna make it! You’re gonna be fine because I’m gonna make sure you’re gonna be fine”. He can be an asshole, but he knows the time and place. Death isn’t something to play with--he’s seen probably countless friends die, and he doesn’t want that to happen again. Even now, even after the war.  So I feel very confused when ppl act like he’s this mean, cold person. He’s exTREMELY emotional. He’s probably way too invested in everyone’s lives, honestly? He interrupts a round table story for Rung just to reminisce on the veery last time he, OP, and Roller were together in the same room (not even hanging out or anything, just being together one last time. who remembers that after 5+ millions years??). He started an illegal clinic in the bad part of town because he wanted to put his skills to better use! Like! LOL.  ALSO, a point that i think is unfair is that ppl think his atheism is just really mean. IT is! But I think it shows just how much of an emotional and extremely, deeply hurt person he is. It gets aggravating when he’s condescending of religion, because there’s no simple logic to it. He reacts the way he does because he’s a hurt person who’s gone through years of trauma and this is his way of coping. Is it healthy or right? Nah, but it’s humanizing. It’s why when he becomes closer to Drift he occupies this weird between space where he snarks but also tries to indulge more in perspectives outside of his own in his own dumb old tsundere way. He’s a person who believes in justice, ultimately, and religion to him doesn’t fall under justice.  ALSO, can I say that his inability to say good byes is so.. like relatable? I have rly bad social anxiety, and so I’ve definitely ghosted people who’ve been nothing but really supportive for me. It’s not because I wanted to burn them, but it freaks you out needing to, not even say goodbye, but communicate with ppl. And for Ratchet--how many times was he FORCED to say good bye to friends + patients who were dying beyond his help? Maybe, if he could help it, he doesn’t want to say goodbye. And it’s tragic the times he’s just left, these were people who ended up either dying for falling astray into insanity, i.e., beyond his help. But he learns. He chases after Drift, who he actually said, in a way, good bye to (helping him off the floor after being attacked, also I should point out that a very tiny handful of people were comfortable interacting w/ Drift at all, and how much Ratchet just doesn’t give a shit abt how other ppl think abt him. he’ll help drift off the floor bc t’s the right thing to do). He says goodbye in his old dumb way--First Aid calls him out on it. ALSO his trust in First Aid is super cute. ALSO he’s like.. genuinely nice to Ten (he helped him get a date with Minimus!!!). And he’s not afraid to call out on other ppl’s bullshit (telling rodi straight you dont deserve to be captain which, at the time, was really true). He’s also SUPER smart. Also there’s that post on tumblr that pointed out that Ratchet immediately goes to deescalate conflict. He’s willing to put aside pride and anything if it means ultimately coming to a resolution where EVERYONE involved is safe. The only time he doesn’t is FUCKING OVERLORD who he rightfully, immediately, tries to briefly incapacitate to lockdown his medibay (protect patients/information). Ok I gotta stop I can go on forever just going page to page. Also, despite my love, I can totally point out his flaws. He’s grating when it’s unnecessary, he’s abhorrently bad at communicating, he’s privileged, he’s narrow-minded at times, etc. ec. But again what I love about him is that despite all that, he’ll throw his own self out the window for others’s well-being bc he genuinely, genuinellyyy cares about other people. If only he could care for himself //cries All the people I ship romantically with this character OH god... everyone. He’s my bicycle.  ok look, ya’ll know I’m an intense dratchet shipper and I could literally write a god damn essay. ... here’s another essay???!! So, I’ma be real, I wasn’t a super dratchet shipper before. I wasn’t anti (i have no notps), but I was just “yeah they’re cute i guess haha”. But 99.99% the reason why I ship anything is all for super cute adorable fanart. and I kept drawing them because 1) ratchet’s my fav, 2) drift is super popular so I figured I should learn to draw him. And they became the only 2 mechs I could draw. I used to be way more into Scavengers + megarod. I used to only like 1 dratchet fanfic and that’s bc it was less romantic and more plot centric (still a fav tho). Then I kept seeing cute fanart, I would read posts by other dratchet shippers too about what makes them so nice? And I was yeah.. oh yeah. And it doesn’t help that in Lost Light, drift is CONSTANTLY by Ratchet’s side. He’s constantly checking up on him and holding him and touching him, like as if Ratchet is the thing that he needs to make sure, at all costs, is safe.  In Drift’s life, Ratchet is the one who appears to him when he needs support the most but is in the most denial of it. When Drift is at the brink of death, overdosed and about to be broken apart and Orion brings him to Ratchet’s clinic. Ratchet patches him up pro-bono and tells him that he sees something special in him.  like??? can you imagine how that feels? To have no one believe in you--you don’t even believe in yourself, and yet here’s this person who tells you “you’re gonna be great”. And it totally doesn’t hit Drift in anyway, at least in a way that’s tangible to him, until much later in life. Or maybe it does (hey, how do you weave character narratives when it’s been written by like 3 different ppl shrugs). And that statement means 2 different things to them. To Drift, it’s a reminder that he’s worth something, even if it’s a sliver of nearly nothing to hold onto. To Ratchet, it’s a reminder that the greatness he saw led to the deaths of thousands of people.  HEY can you imagine this person you saved, patched up, tried to encourage, ended up being a mass serial killer in the future? (have you ever read Monster by Naoki Urusawa). Ended up killing people you loved?  So it’s no wonder that a good part of Ratchet is absolutely mad at Drift. And I think if that was all, they probably would’ve ended up being amicable. But Drift also ended up being super religious and seeing the hand and primus in everything and oh my god is this person really waxing poetry on the value of life when he, himself, shot several bullets at me at one point?  I also believe they are uncomfortably similar as they are different. The reason why they constantly butt heads is they’re two people trying to escape a past they don’t want and found complete opposite ways to cope with their losses. Drift found religion, Ratchet is gratingly pragmatic, and they see each other and go “how could this guy choose to be this way?”. I’ve heard ppl like to cite the annual as the reason why they could never work out. BUT, can I point out, that they act around each other in a way they don’t with anyone else? Drift gets SO MAD. Ratchet gets extremely talkative and incredibly personal (pulled out an electro slug from someone’s spark, holy shit that fucking traumatized you didn’t it??). They challenge each other emotionally, and it’s so fucking difficult bc they’re both extremely depressed and suffer from PTSD and would probably rather just go on their dumb space adventure and look at stars--take 2 emotionally constipated idiots and you get them. And hell no, don’t tell me Drift is in-tune with his feelings bc he’s 10000% not. He uses religion to cope with a past and life that he doesn’t want to think about. He tries to re-contextualize himself because he hates who he is. OUCHHH. And Ratchet MAKES him confront the parts of himself he hates--bc Ratchet has seen his worst traits and isn’t afraid to make him think about it.  So why do they work out eventually? They realize how important they are to each other. Delphi, Drift saves Ratchet’s life while he’s barely holding onto his own because he probably feels like he owes Ratchet his own life. And that’s a huge turning point in their relationship--Ratchet sees that... Drift tries really really fucking hard. My friend Zig pointed out that post-Delphi, Drift is eating energon w/ chopsticks (what a fucking nerd), and you can see in a later panel that Ratchet (who chose to sit next to Drift) is using those chopsticks too. IT’s such a small thing, but they’re becoming closer by sharing and learning from each other. And then Drift takes the fall and leaves. And Ratchet realizes just how important Drift’s presence is in his life. I mentioned it already lol but the scene where Ratchet helps Drift up off the floor and it’s superimposed with the love message Rewind left for CD. They care about each other so much!! And Ratchet chases after him!! HOLY SHIT. If that isn’t romance, what is?? lol I kid, but it’s obvious just how important Drift’s presence meant to him. IT’s really because they became so so so close in a way that can’t be described as just friends. They deeply understand each other in really uncomfortable ways and bring out the absolute worst and absolute best in each other. And this point is where Ratchet again appears when Drift doesn’t realize he needs someone in his life. Drift thinks he can be a loner and just float aimlessly and voicelessly--hell no! He needs friends, he needs community. He NEEDs belonging, because he wants to belong somewhere. And Ratchet helps bridge him back to friends and found family.  And Ratchet slowly changes the more he’s with Drift. He reads religious text and tries to brag about it bc he’s a dumb tsundere lol but he’s trying to understand Drift’s interests more even if it takes a decade and more to get there. And Drift values him for being his rock. That’s why he’s constantly making sure Ratchet is safe and unharmed, because he owes at least that much to him. And yeah they eventually fall in love because they value each other in a way they haven’t anyone else. IM EMO I CAN GO ONE, this all probably didn’t make a whole lot of sense but yeah. I’m just so soft to the fact that they’re horribly hurt people who don’t know how to redirect their pain, but by being together they come out healthier and more confident. IT’S RLY ROMANTIC IDKKK My non-romantic OTP for this character As much as I also love OpRatch, they are also great best friend platonic ship. They know each other best, they’ve been through SO MUCH together. It’s honestly a shame they barely interact in IDW bc the small tidbits we have, they obviously deeply respect each other’s opinions and deeply value the relationship they’ve had over the past millions of years.  I’m also all for non-romanceOTP for dratchet because I can totally imagine they go to each other to talk about things they feel uncomfortable sharing with others (they’ve seen the absolute worst of each other afterall).  My unpopular opinion about this character I don’t... think I ahve one. Some ppl view my love for his as grating lol.  One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon. Medic spin off.

[automatismoateo]

Psilocybin helped me let go of all the fear of god and hell that I had that was unconsciously controlling my life via /r/atheism

Psilocybin helped me let go of all the fear of god and hell that I had that was unconsciously controlling my life

The idea of god and islam were probably the things that hurt me the most in life. I left islam 3 years ago after going through an intense mental breakdown due to doing something that was prohibited in islam. I was a very obedient muslim and literally took the idea of god and islam to the heart. My teens years are filled with me thinking about hell and god’s eternal punishment if you don’t follow what he says. My sense of the future was completely taken over by the fear of going hell. I was very isolated because I knew everybody is not following islam the way they should and I literally saw everyone as the enemy that would drag me to hell with themselves. Since I left islam, I was extremely suicidal the whole three years because even though i no longer believed in islam, my fear of the world and relatives still persisted. I actually entered medical school before I left islam and I just couldn’t continue and had to drop out. Everywhere I went was hell. A very murderous rage had taking over me. I had to spend 2 weeks in psychiatric hospital due to intense psychotic episodes where I was delusional about how people are going to hurt me.

Then I started reading about psilocybin and how they help people with trauma. Then I bought the spores and started growing them. The first three trips were unsuccessful and put me into state of insanity. but for the last trip I literally contemplated everything about my life. It was unbelievable how much I was conditioned by the idea of god and fear of hell. It was like each of the trauma I experienced was ultimately because of the fear of god during my teens. Things like fearing and hating people was the biggest issue I had. I could not explain what were they except where I called it “anxiety” or “complex ptsd” but those were just understatement of what I was experiencing and therapy did not help at all because it was too simple for me and they were only trying to give me relief instead of cure.

Psilocybin is the real gift of evolution. When you eat it with a right understanding of it, you can dissolve all the stuff that’s controlling you unconsciously. Even things that you didn’t know that were controlling you. For example it showed me that the reason why I sought religion in the first place was due to some religious friends that I had when I was 6. I had completely forgotten about them, yet they had caused a cataclysmic disaster to my life.

Submitted November 26, 2022 at 01:54PM by Recent_Mess4744 (From Reddit https://ift.tt/6lhpbLO)

[snellymain]

I’ve always wanted to write a short list of a handful of things I like about it, so here I go, for a good cause!!!!!!--

1) Dynamic of two generally creepy characters who are both NOT self-aware at all, outcasts in their class and likely able to be the only ones to truly “understand” each other. Both absolute wildcards; unpredictable in their own ways.

2) Also dynamic of Tall And Stoic And Kinda Mean™ and Short And Bubbly And Optimistic™. AS WELL as the dynamic of Generally Fucked Up and Cinnamon Roll. They are simultaneously opposite’s attract AND very similar in that they are both not self-aware ritualistic creeps that no one else wants to hang out with.

3) Kiyo sees the beauty in all people, despite how “ugly” their actions and existences may be -- Angie says everyone deserves forgiveness and grants that forgiveness immediately.

4) Going with the commonly accepted idea that Kiyo was abused by his sister, and Angie just wants to make everyone happy and has a certain natural charisma to her, able to comfort basically anyone as we saw in the game--she would absolutely try her damndest to help him through his trauma. She has very unconventional ways of getting him to cheer up, yet with how inquisitive he is of all human behaviors, nothing she does would ever fail.

5) In a postgame VR AU where they’re all alive, Korekiyo would eventually try to recover from said trauma, leading to him apologizing to Angie for killing her; which she’d genuinely forgive immediately because of her religion and ideals, she’d understand everything he went through as well and why he did it due to her extremely nurturing personality. Fun angst and comfort to be had there.

6) Going off the stories in his freetime events and how much insane things he’s done and experienced just for the hell of it, as well as his (technically non-canon) actions in the manga where he just goes along with whatever people say to do just for the experience alone, he would absolutely delve into Angie’s eccentric culture; going along with any of its rituals and practices, initially just to study it but with his picture perfect memory of a specific seance circle...he’d surely stick around.

7) ON THAT SAME NOTE He’s a literal anthropologist and obsessed with other cultures, and Angie is the only foreigner in the entire class, with some absolutely BATSHIT culture; it only makes sense that Korekiyo would (or should’ve) take an immediate interest in her, with a notepad in hand.

8) Kiyo has his sisters voice in his head. Angie has Atua’s voice in her head. They both grew up lonely (Angie stated she was in her freetime events, and Kiyo ONLY had his sister, and we know what happened to her) and had to cope in EERILY similar / same ways. They would Absolutely understand each other in this regard. Kiyo wouldn’t dismiss Angie’s Atua ramblings as a crazed religious nutjob, like the rest of the class, but as a curious case of what the mind does to cope, and as someone he can relate to.

Give me more shinnaga ! I want to like it !