#and Bruce has Alfred | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

n0tsketchyy · 6 days ago

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Headcannon that Alfred has a secret Instagram account. He just posts about the insane household accidents at Wayne Manor with literally no context.

His most popular post is simply captioned "Master Tim set the kitchen on fire attempting to make toast. Again."

Somehow, the account has over 500,000 followers of people growing increasingly invested.

His other popular posts include:

Muddy footprints acrross a gorgeous ceiling: “I have many questions about how Master Jason's boot prints came to be on the ceiling of the east wing corridor. He refuses to explain beyond claiming it was 'definitely Tim's fault' and that 'gravity was being unreasonable today.' Master Bruce has requested I not ask further questions.”

A photo of numerous coffee mugs hidden in bizarre locations: "The ongoing archaeological expedition to retrieve Master Tim's forgotten coffee cups continues. Today's discoveries included one inside a houseplant, two behind the grandfather clock, and one inexplicably on the chandelier."

A broken window with an arrow through it: "Master Damian's archery practice has once again violated our agreement about 'appropriate indoor activities.' Master Bruce has been informed."

A ceiling covered in colorful splatters: "Master Dick insisted his acrobatic skills would allow him to carry an entire birthday cake while performing a triple somersault. The ceiling disagrees."

An image of a completely disassembled grandfather clock with parts meticulously arranged on the floor: "Master Barbara asked for the time. Master Timothy decided the clock was 'running 0.002 seconds slow' and required immediate intervention. Dinner will be delayed until the main entrance is passable again."

The east wing covered in rubber ducks: “Master Dick claimed it was 'for science.' When pressed further, admitted it was retaliation for Master Jason's previous week's glitter bomb incident. Have scheduled additional therapy sessions for all parties involved.”

Alfred never mentions Batman or vigilante activities, but the posts are so outlandish people straight up have conspiracy theories about them.

Follower: "Time travelers. It's the only explanation for how they survive. They redo the timeline when things go wrong."

@ ManorMishaps: "If time travel were involved, I would hope they'd prevent incidents rather than merely surviving them. The toaster budget alone would benefit from such intervention."

Follower: "Alien research facility. The purple slime? The color-changing ceiling? ALIENS."

@ ManorMishaps: "I believe you've been watching too many science fiction programs. Though I must admit the ceiling phenomenon continues to baffle our contractor."

Follower: "These are clearly stunt performers for action movies. No normal family could cause this much property damage."

@ ManorMishaps: "An interesting theory. However, I've yet to see any of our incidents recreated in Hollywood. They lack the imagination."

Follower: "Wait, is that a BATARANG in the background of the third pic???"

@ ManorMishaps: "I believe you're seeing the shadow of an unusually shaped serving spoon. Nothing to see here."

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dcxdpdabbles · 24 days ago

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Bruce: Alfred, I'm upset with you.

Alfred: If this is about the online auction of your clothes, I was under the impression you said to donate them.

Bruce: You're selling my clothes!?

Alfred: Not just your clothes, I also sell some memorabilia from the Young Masters and Misses. They have a lot of fans willing to pay top dollar.

Bruce: Am I not paying you enough?

Alfred: Respect the hustle Master Bruce.

Bruce: .....we will get back to that. But the reason I'm upset is because I saw a man leave your room late last night. His clothes were in disarray, and he looked rather debauched! Care to explain yourself!?

Alfred: This might come to a suprise to you Master Bruce, but I am a single adult man. I occasionally have partners, and I don't need to explain any of that to you.

Bruce: While you're under my roof, you respect my rules. I placed a no boyfriends or girlfriend in bedrooms after nine pm!

Alfred: That rule was for the children. I, and Danny, are not children-

Bruce: Danny!? As in Danny Fenton!?

Alfred: Yes.

Bruce: You're sleeping with the same Danny Fenton that took over Vladco. And has been my public rival in the corporation world for years?!

Alfred: Master Bruce, Danny is twice your age. He doesn't see you as a rival.

Bruce: TRAITOR!

#dcxdpdabbles #dcxdp crossover #from a fic i never wrote #Alfred/Danny #Bruce never got over Danny being a better dancer #Danny has been in love with Alfred for years #Bruce hate for him is decades old #Alfred has a online store for Wayne Fans.#Danny thinks Bruce is adorable #Bruce is in his mid thirties trying to stop his dad from dating

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queeniewithabeanie · 4 months ago

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The Great Great Grandmother

Dpxdc Prompt #3

In the Wayne household it was well-known that Alfred Pennyworth's word was law. It was much less well-known the circumstances that their beloved butler had grown up it. Alfred was raised by his paternal grandmother, Danielle "Elle" Pennyworth, née Fenton.

While Danny's obsession with protection led him to stay in Amity Park until every tie he had to the place joined him in the Ghost Zone, Dani's obsession with freedom led her to do anything but stay in the same place.

She moved all over Earth, then to space, then to the realms, and finally to other dimensions. When Dani found herself stuck in a dimension very similar to her own, except a couple hundred years in the past, she knew Clockwork had something to do with it. She wanted to curse him out, her obsession was freedom and Dani did not do well caged.

It turned out to not matter too much because after a year or so trapped in the dimension Dani found herself going by the name Elle Pennyworth with a baby boy on the way.

Time flew by fast and her husband had died, content enough with his life that he didn't leave behind a ghost. Elle was heartbroken, but knew a peaceful death was what he wanted.

Her son had a son himself, Alfred was his name. Elle promised herself she would be the best grandmother she could be. That turned out to be a promise she had to fulfill sooner rather than later.

Her son and his wife had died only a couple of years after baby Alfred was born, disease apparently. It didn't take her long to notice that little Freddie had taken after her more ghostly half.

He was always appearing in places he wasn't supposed to and he was far more empathetic than most any human she had ever met. Elle taught him to control his more inhuman aspects and made sure that he would never forget etiquette.

"Being able to know how people are feeling is easy for those like us," she would tell him, "but knowing how to help those that aren't feeling well whether it be physical, mental, or emotional that's difficult."

"Why do we help them then?" Little Freddie would ask, before he knew the words she had spoken by heart and the answer to his own question was carved into his soul.

"Because difficult means there's something you're fighting for, and helping means that you care."

Alfred would repeat those same words to little Brucie when he was little and to all of his many many children. He would give a small smile as he said it, Granny Elle would love to know how much her great great grandchildren took after her brother.

He couldn't wait for Granny Elle and Great Uncle Danny to meet his many grandchildren. It would be a bit awkward to explain how they both still looked like they were in their teens though. Alfred only kept up the illusion of aging because he hadn't found a good time to tell his family he wasn't as human as they thought.

#dpxdc #dpxdc prompt #dani phantom #alfred pennyworth #dani fenton #alfred brings his grandma over for tea #everyone assumes he's brought home another stray #bruce just accepts that he has another child now #if bruce gets to bring home 8 alfred is allowed to bring home 1 too #queenie-prompts

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d-1hater · 9 months ago

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honestly one of the main reasons I like dc is that they can’t keep a storyline straight for shit. anything I don’t like is just *not real*. that’s different storyline babes what are you talking about???

like at this point I can consider shit like wfa and hell even well written fanfics as canon bc who knows what’s going on with those funky little people?? certainly not the dc writers

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somnoir · 1 month ago

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Down Bad in Distress

Bruce Wayne is kidnapped... A lot. And it's always so weird that only Batman is allowed to save him. That this dumb, charming, but kidnap-able Billionaire doesn't have a bodyguard.

Now, Bruce can simply go "Oh, we've got Batman. No need to worry for that!" But people are fussy nowadays. He underestimates just bow much Gotham loves their disaster of a prince with a golden heart. Even his company employees are begging him to hire a bodyguard. (This is from the many files being sent to his office, obvious recommendations on competent bodyguards)

Cut to the new bodyguard for hire—who was recommended by Alfred of all people (something about him being the disciple of a good old friend of his). The man was large. Fucking huge. Taller than Jason, if one would like to admit (Jason is his 6'4" baby and this fucking fridge if a man looked 6'6").

But he was all soft and warm. Like a golden retriever the size of a bear.

Anyways, Danny was a rather kind man. When he wasn't following Bruce around and playing bodyguard, he was indulging the kids. Entertaining them with the most obscure things and stories from his childhood. Better yet, Danny would be the kids' bodyguard rather than Bruce's whenever they went out.

It was a miracle when they realized that Damian wasn't reacting badly to the man. Very strange since Damian would think it'd be shameful for someone to protect him during the day. But then again, Bruce once saw Danny effortlessly pick up Damian so his son could coax a cat out of a tree. That was most likely the kicker.

Anyways, Danny looked and felt soft.

It wasn't easy for him to settle into the man's ever present presence, but it's been almost four months since Danny's been hired and Bruce doesn't even flinch when the man brightly greets him from the bottom of the stairs.

"Good morning, mr. Wayne!" Danny would say, all teeth and bright eyes in his suit.

"Bruce," he'd correct immediately.

And then Danny would pause, laugh, and— "Good morning, Bruce."

Then his kids would follow and Danny would affectionately greet them all, ask where they plan to go and if they needed Danny to follow.

His bodyguard was like sunshine and warmth incarnate.

But if course, Danny was a bodyguard.

There were instances where Bruce would have to take a second to remind himself that this man that would look down at socialites like he's ready to crush their hands is the same one who once gave him puppy-dog eyes to back up Damian when his son asked to keep the kittens.

That the same man who grabbed someone by the scruff of their collar like they were weightless was the same one who talked about poetry and literature with Jason.

That the man who once hauled Bruce off the ground and walked right out the gala when the smoke alarms blared is the same one who would gently coax Tim off the coach and into a proper bed.

But right now, that's not his concern. No. Bruce is more concerned about the fact that he's gotten kidnapped again.

Everyone was most likely alerted. They were. He could hear Red Robin, Blackbat and Spoiler talking over the comms, checking in on Red Hood and Robin in case things went off.

"B, don't move. These guys are more prepared than the usual ones." Tim's voice filters into the comms, evidently annoyed. "I've got Oracle checking if there are any bombs in the place."

Bruce stayed silent, watching the masked men and women walk around, guns in hand and crates surrounding them. He had been knocked out during a party. The last thing he saw was Danny's eyes—god, it frightened him a bit. How those pretty blues suddenly turned green like Jason's.

Then he was here. Most likely with a concussion.

"B?"

"I'm okay... Be careful..." He murmurs under his breath, hearing his children sigh in relief.

"Good. We've got Red Ho—What the fuck is that?" Barbara immediately cut herself off, her voice strained and pitched with surprise.

"Oracle?"

"Spoiler—Do you have a view on that?" Oracle frantically asked. "Shit—the cameras just went down. Guys?"

"is that—" Stephanie chokes out, "Is that Danny?"

Bruce froze. Danny?

Jason always knew that Danny was kinda off. The first time he met the man, it wasn't his size that Jason immediately noticed. It was how his eyes flashed green when they met his. At first, he felt threatened, ready to attack whatever the fuck thought it was a good idea to infiltrate his family.

But then... Then Danny smiled at him. Offered his hand with a kind greeting. Jason took that hand and... And felt calm. Like the buzz in his head melted away, like the Lazarus was cleansed.

And Danny most likely knew. Because the man was smiling in satisfaction, like he was pleased that Jason suddenly didn't feel starved and angry and hurt.

"I don't know what happened to you kid, but whatever the hell did, it wasn't good for you. Hopefully you'll get better now." Danny whispered softly and then withdrew his hand, tucking it behind his back.

Jason doesn't know what the fuck Danny was but the man was worth keeping around.

Admittedly, he turned to Danny a lot nowadays. Jason can't call Bruce all the time. No. His relationship with Bruce still isn't good enough to warrant Jason to call him constantly.

But Danny? Again, Jason doesn't know what the hell this guy is but whenever Jason was in trouble, he dialed Danny's phone immediately. And he came... Every, single, fucking time. No questions asked, just pick Jason up and patch him up like nothing.

Danny was a good guy. Like sunshine, like golden retrievers. All teeth with some fangs.

And that same guy just snapped a man's neck with his bare hands.

"Hood... Are you seeing this?" Robin asked beside him, equally stunned as they watched their usually kind and sweet bodyguard effortlessly tear through the group of men with his bare hands. There was already blood around. Everywhere, maybe. Some already on Danny.

"He's on a fucking warpath." Jason murmurs. Every bit of admiration he had for Danny just multiplied by a thousand when he watched him grab a gun right out of a guy's hand and slam it into their head. Fucking amazing.

If Bruce doesn't square up and ask this guy on a date, Jason would have to start planning to parent trap them.

Fucking shit, he needed this guy as a dad.

The doors don’t just open—they explode off their hinges, a violent crack echoing through the warehouse. Guns swing up, barrels glinting under harsh light, but it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters except the figure in the doorway.

Bruce’s pulse slams against his ribs.

And then Danny walks in, dragging a half-conscious man by the leg, leaving a smeared trail of blood in his wake. He doesn’t even look winded.

Blood stains his usually pristine uniform—smeared across his face, streaked over the white of his shirt, soaking into his knuckles. His tie is gone. His collar is open, a few buttons undone, exposing a sliver of skin beneath the mess. There’s blood on his face, drying in streaks, and his knuckles—his knuckles are raw, dripping, alive. He looks… disheveled. Lethal. Gorgeous.

"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! THAT'S DANNY!" Spoiler screeched, "HE'S BODYING THOSE FUCKERS! RED! RED, ARE YOU FUCKING SEEING THIS?!"

"SOMEONE RECORD THIS! SHIT! SOMEONE RECORD THIS!" Red Robin replied, equally loud and frantic as if trying desperately to find the old camera he used to stalk Bruce many years ago.

He doesn’t slow down. Doesn’t hesitate.

Danny launches the man he was dragging, sending him crashing into the nearest gunman with a sickening thud. Before anyone can react, he moves—crossing the room in impossibly fluid strides, twisting a wrist until a gun clatters to the floor, elbowing another man so hard in the ribs that something audibly cracks. A shot goes off, a wild, panicked attempt—Danny doesn’t even flinch. He snatches the arm holding the gun and bends it the wrong way. The scream is immediate.

Bruce’s breath catches.

Another man rushes Danny with a knife—big mistake. Danny catches his wrist mid-swing, wrenches it to the side with bone-snapping efficiency, then drives the same blade into another attacker’s thigh. The man howls, but Danny is already moving, slamming someone’s face into the nearest table hard enough to leave a smear of red on the wood.

They never stood a chance.

Two minutes. Two damn minutes, and the entire room is a battlefield of unconscious, broken bodies.

And Bruce cannot focus.

Bruce barely registers Jason swearing at him through the comms, telling him to get it together. He can’t.

And then Danny turns to him.

His face is splattered with blood, his chest rising and falling steadily as he steps forward. His hands, bruised and raw, reach out, and Bruce swallows hard.

Danny kneels, gaze flicking to Bruce’s bound wrists, and his touch—gentle, so gentle—works at the ropes with precise care. The knots had been tight, biting into his skin enough to bruise, to draw blood. Danny’s jaw clenches at the sight.

Bruce should say something. Should thank him. Should not be thinking about how unfairly attractive he looks like this—wild, wrecked, utterly devoted.

But he can’t help it.

He’s so gone.

"Mr. Wayne."

On instruct, Bruce corrects him. "Bruce."

And Danny pauses.

The chaos settles—not in the room, where bodies lay crumpled, groaning, and barely conscious—but in him. Just for a second. Just long enough for Bruce to see it.

Blue flickers into green. A warning. A promise.

Bruce doesn’t look away. Can’t. Even as Danny tilts his head, something unhinged curling at the edges of his smile. His chest rises and falls, slow, deliberate, the blood on his face catching the dim light. His knuckles, split and raw, flex at his sides before he exhales a laugh—low, sharp, guttural.

Almost a growl.

And Bruce—God help him—feels something thrill in his spine.

Then Danny takes his wrists. Carefully. Reverently. Those same hands that had snapped bones and silenced screams mere moments ago now hold Bruce’s bruised, bloodied skin like it’s something precious.

Then—cold.

Not warm. Not comforting. Cold lips, pressing soft against each wound, his touch featherlight against the raw skin. Bruce shudders.

Danny pulls back just enough for Bruce to see his lips—stained red with his blood. And he grins, sharp fangs more prominent than ever, his eyes molten with something Bruce can’t name.

"Bruce…"

Danny says it like a prayer. Like a promise. Like a goddamn claim.

Exasperated. Excited. Fond. And something else entirely.

"Try not to get kidnapped again, Bruce… Or I might just end up blowing up Gotham to get you back.

Bruce’s breath stutters.

Oh.

Oh, no.

Bruce is so utterly gone.

(Someone laughs in the background, shadows curling at their feet. Lady Gotham is pleased.)

Part 2 | Masterpost

#danny phantom #Down Bad in Distress #dpxdc #dc x dp #danny fenton #batfam #crossover #batman #bruce wayne #bodyguard au #men look hotter when bruised and bloody #Bruce agrees #He should not be attracted to his bodyguard when he is covered in blood #Bruce Wayne did #“Touch him and you die” trope #Danny is unknowingly very posessive of this man #Lady Gotham is very pleased that the Ghost King likes her knight #Jason is so ready to parent trap his dad and the cool bodyguard that's most likely not human #Bruce cannot for the life of him accept that he is so utterly gone for his bodyguard #Batman unknowingly hires a protection spirit as a bodyguard #the consequences is the ghost king going feral the moment the subject pf his protection has been taken and threatened #Danny has essentially devoted himself to protecting the bats #the batkids do not know their bodyguard (new dad) is an eldritch being that has basically staked their claim on them #Clockwork and Alfred are besties #or mayne exes who are still friends

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frownyalfred · 1 month ago

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random Gothamites: Yeah, sure hope Wayne is enjoying life in his plush little castle up on that hill. Must be nice, having all that luxury.

Hal Jordan: Bruce goes through a lot for the League, but at least he gets to go home to a Manor every night. Nursing wounds in paradise is still, you know, in paradise.

Bruce Wayne: *stumbles home from a 16 hour patrol bleeding from every part of his body* *passes out on the Cave floor, facedown and half out of his suit* *proceeds to sleep 12 consecutive hours there* *Alfred comes by and drapes a medical sheet over his shoulders at one point in pity* *he wakes up half-glued to the ground because all his injuries bled and then closed up while he was unconscious* *he will not make it physically into a bed for another 72 hours after this*

#batman #bruce wayne #dc #batfamily #alfred pennyworth #hal jordan #green lantern #gotham #he has the luxury #he is ignoring it #not on purpose #he's just Like That

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sidewalk-cracks · 2 months ago

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Bruce would give up the mission if Dick ever died. And not in the angry-grief way of "this is the last straw on the camel's back" aka the way he sorta kicked Dick out, but in the "hasn't set foot in the Cave in over a month because the last time he did he kept hearing Dick's laugh echoing across the stalactites" way. He literally cannot bear to put on the cowl, to be Batman, because Batman has existed longer with Robin than without. Bruce doesn't remember being Batman without Robin (without Dick) anymore. He can recall his first meetings with a few of the Rogues, but beyond that? It's been so long that those first 2-4 years are all just a haze of self destructive grief. Dick flipped his entire life in a 180 to the total opposite direction. He showed him how to hope, to love, to live. If Dick dies as an adult, Bruce would've spent half his life with his first son. No matter what age Dick dies at, Bruce will have always spent more time being Batman with Dick Grayson as a son rather than without him. Dick changed Batman, changed Bruce so irrevocably that Bruce wouldn't ever be able to wear the cowl without remembering him.

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prlssprfctn · 3 months ago

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Cryptid!Alfred, who is actually immortal. Like, he cannot die for forever - he did once, during the war, and after that... for some reason, he kept coming back, completely without any additional magical help. He sometimes dies again, and then mysteriously comes back on the next morning, as if nothing happened. Bruce used to it at some point, so instead of asking questions (Alfred has no answers, anyway) he just pretends that it is normal. He gaslights kids to think the same. Like, what do you mean he died, Damian? No, he is alrightish. Look in the kitchen, he is making us breakfast. It probably was just a bad dream.

So, when Jason dies and gets back? Oh, Alfred knows his grandson has the same curse/blessing. Because it wasn't the Lazarus Pit that brought Jason back after all, but some strange, unexplainable force. Perhaps, both of them are just bound to end up as guardians, as warriors and protectors - that's why they keep coming back.

...Nevertheless, it doesn't make their family less... anxious about the whole thing. These two from the other side? Oh, they absolutely enjoy their immortal hang-out hours.

Jason: What was your funniest death?

Alfred: I am going to say... that one time, when I was teaching young master Bruce using a hunting rifle, and he accidentally shot me. I came back in fifteen minutes, and, of course, a poor thing was sobbing, but afterwards he was doing all chores for a month. Wonderful days.

Jason: Damn, poor Brucie... My funniest gotta be that one time, when Roy and I got drunk, and I legit jumped off the building because I thought I can fly. Roy had never got sober that quick.

(The first time Jason dies on the family's watch)

Dick, sobbing: Alfred... Alfred... He died! His neck was snapped! How can I live-

Alfred, casually leaning to snap Jason's neck again: Wake up, my boy.

Jason, dramatically gasping for air: Damn, who made me a massage, while I was sleeping?

Tim: What. The. Fuck.

#little Dick was living in the strange horror when he was little #like wdym our butler respawns I literally saw him dying on the FOOTAGE #after moving out he gaslights himself to believe that it had never happened.#he starts ignoring all strange instances as Bruce after that #then Jason joins A's club. and Dick feels like he is a side char in horror again WHAT THE FUCK #Tim has a record of their deaths and just uses it as a project #Damian doesn't understand the hype. isn't it normal for families? his own do that all the time #(secretly thinks it is cool that A & J doesn't need the Lazarus Pit for that)#Bruce pretends to be nonchalant but he is in the verge of tears every time Alfred and Jason die again #also don't write me about the super punch that somehow brought Jason back alive I assure you it was Gotham (the city) bringing him back /hj #jason todd #red hood #dcu comics #dc universe #dcu #batman #bruce wayne #batfamily #batfam #alfred pennyworth #dick grayson #tim drake

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