#amazon vs ups

[meowingswuid]

Fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight

[fantastic-nonsense]

I wouldn't mind the heavy focus on warrior Amazons so much if they were allowed to be competent instead of just being used as red shirt cannon fodder. But it seems DC only hypes up the Amazons as deadly fighters so other characters can look more impressive when they take them down.

Oh and Happy New Year.

Happy New Year! Forgive me if I use your ask to talk about a piece of the Wonder Woman mythos I've wanted to discuss for some time, because your complaints offered me the perfect segue to write a nice, in-depth meta on it and I couldn't pass up the opportunity.

Honestly, I think a lot of people (both creatives and readers) either don't know, forget, or fundamentally misunderstand the nature of the Amazons' warrior status. So they often get reduced to "deadly warriors who strike first," "supposedly deadly but generally incompetent warriors when outside of their own books," or "militant man-haters" by a lot of people. None of which are true.

The Amazons are incredibly competent warriors and have been since Marston's first portrayal of them in the 1940s, so I don't inherently mind them being shown as such. However, where people get bogged down is insisting that they be shown as deadly and trigger-happy offensive fighters who are happy to strike first and hard, which fundamentally goes against the philosophy and thematic messaging built into Amazonian lore.

DC's Amazonia, lore-wise, is traditionally framed as an Aphrodite vs. Ares "peace and love vs. violence and war" story. In Marston's original rendition of the Amazon's backstory Aphrodite is not only their patron goddess but also their sole creator; it was only after Crisis on Infinite Earths and George Perez's long-overdue lore expansions that the rest of the goddesses became co-creators and co-patrons of the Amazons. Regardless, Ares and his domain are consistently invoked as what the Amazons don't want to be like or engage in. That behavior is the antithesis of what Amazons are supposed to be. This lore informs literally everything about how the Amazons view both their combat abilities and their duty to the goddesses.

The contemporary Amazons are, for the most part, women who died in terrible and traumatic ways at the hands of men (usually through domestic violence, murder, or as conquests of war). When the goddesses created the Amazons by reincarnating these women via the Well of Souls, they specifically charged them to become their champions. And what did these goddesses want? They explicitly wanted justice and protection for women in a violently patriarchial world. The Amazons being warriors is thus specifically tied to an understanding of necessary self-defense and protection (both of themselves and other women), not offense.

Which of course is what lands the Amazons on Themyscira in the first place: invoking the goddesses' ire by not obeying these commands after their rebellion against their enslavement by Heracles and his men crosses the line from the necessary battle to achieve their liberation into wanton violence and revenge:

"The battered Hippolyta prayed to her goddesses and found the courage and inspiration to free herself. Athena had reminded Hippolyta of the Amazons' purpose and mission—but not all of the Amazons remembered. Or cared. They yearned for vengeance. For retribution against those who violated them...and under Antiope, many found it." -Wonder Woman: Our Worlds at War (2001)

And as Hippolyta and Menalippe tell Antiope:

"No, Antiope. Never vengeance; never again!" /// "That is Ares' way, Antiope. We achieve no glory by embracing the Dark God's power!" -Wonder Woman (1987) #1

The Amazon way is promoting a society based on love, equality, truth, and peaceful conflict resolution, not vengeance and violent combat. It's a philosophy that defines Diana's mission in Man's World as an ambassador, teacher, and living example of her peoples' way of life:

Enraptured, they listen to her dissertation on equality between the sexes, tolerance, peaceful coexistence. Social Philosophy 101, Amazon Style. -Wonder Woman (1987) #170

Diana's gods-given mission was to spread the Amazonian ideals of conciliation—to give those living in the World of Man the proper tools to peacefully coexist with each other. It was her life's purpose to teach the possibilities of respect and love by being a living example of an upbringing founded in those ideals.

Truth-seeking, diplomacy, and peace are the Amazonian way of dealing with conflict, not violence. And when you are forced to engage in combat (and you should be prepared for that eventuality because sometimes it will happen), your goal should be self-defense and de-escalation, not offense and prolonging the conflict longer than necessary.

This is also, as an aside, why Diana (and specifically Diana in her capacity as Wonder Woman) does not usually carry offensive weapons like a sword and why her primary "weapons" are the Lasso of Truth and protective bracelets. She's the official representative of her peoples' culture and personally deeply believes in that cultural philosophy. Other Amazons have different views on the matter, including her mother, but Diana grew up completely separated from the World of Man and fully immersed in that belief system, which deeply informs how she views her mission as Wonder Woman.

Personally, I think many (but not all) of the problems re: depicting the Amazons in the modern era come from various writers attempting to solve contradictions that don't exist. They see "kickass trained warriors living peacefully on an island" and see that as a contradiction they have to solve: why do they train if they're pacifists? Why do they fight if they're peaceful? In reality, it's not a contradiction: their status as warriors and champions is specifically tied to self-defense and protection (both of themselves and others), but given the choice they don't want to have to take up arms to protect people because that goes against their fundamental cultural philosophy. Outsiders and meddlesome gods are the ones who force them to do that! What they want is for everyone to be treated with love, respect, and understanding so they don't have to!

And there's a lot of problematic elements built into the concept's execution, but this is the core thesis behind the split between Hippolyta's Themyscirans and Antiope's Bana-Mighdall. The Themysciran Amazons have had their fill of violence and war; they just want to live in peace. But a) they were specifically tasked with guarding Doom's Doorway when they were taken to the island, a duty which necessitates perfect combat readiness, and b) their history is littered with examples of people refusing to leave them alone. So they train, in case someone decides to take shots at them, but otherwise live in peaceful isolation. Meanwhile, the Banas looked at that same shared history and went "we need to take the fight to the outside world. Offense is the best defense, and the only way to protect ourselves and the other women of the world is to actively seek vengeance for the violence women face." So they chose to actively intervene in Man's World, fighting constant battles and exacting revenge for any women mistreated at the hands of men.

...which is also why Artemis was such a necessary and interesting addition to the Wonder Woman mythos (even if she's often handled...poorly), because she and Diana represent two diametrically opposed views of how to protect and represent both their cultures and the women of Man's World, but that's a rant for a different time.

Anyway, the Themysciran Amazons' martial pacifism as a cultural value isn't a contradiction; it's one way of looking at a history filled with violence and victimization and saying "no more." And it's a pretty subversive way of doing so, which (well-written) comics tend to note!

So yes, the "Amazons are warriors" mentality has always been there and has been solidly emphasized at various points throughout Wonder Woman's history, and it should be acknowledged and shown that they're all incredibly competent in battle when they're forced to engage in it. But the way in which it gets emphasized is what defines whether a writer has a solid understanding of the history and baggage that comes with depicting the Amazonian struggle and the socio-political issues embedded in their lore. And unfortunately...many writers just don't seem to get it.

[moongothic]

It is kind of funny to think about how popular the Kuja Crocodile fan theory is when you take a step back and think about where that theory kinda originates from Now to be fair, I'm not 100% certain where the theory came from, I can only remember so much of what the fandom was theorizing back in 2008, so I may be speaking from my ass a little right now

But from what I do remember, back in Yee Olden Days, there was a lot of speculation about why the Strawhats got sent to their respective island by Kuma the way they did. A lot of people did notice how each island seemed meaningful one way or another to each Strawhat and tied into their characters except for Luffy, and everybody thought that was a bit odd. Mainly because we didn't fully know HOW Kuma's ability worked. Now, nearly two decades later, we DO know how Kuma's ability actually works; People don't magically travel to islands they have a secret connection to or anything, Kuma himself has to actively choose where he sends people off to, meaning Kuma looked at the Strawhats individually and picked out islands where he thought they'd be best off at. Luffy being sent to Amazon Lily is arguably no different; Kuma knew Luffy was the brother of the soon-to-be-executed Ace, but also a target of the WG (due to being Dragon's son). Amazon Lily was close enough to both Sabaody that Luffy would be able to return there relatively easily if he wished to, or he could try to befriend the Warlord Hancock, who was also being summoned to participate in Ace's execution, to hitch a ride from her to go and try to save his brother. The only challenge Luffy would have to overcome there was indeed befriending the Kuja, at least enough to be taken off from the island safely and alive.

But indeed, we only really know and can fully understand that now. Back in Yee Olden Days, the fans did just seem to think Kuma's ability might be a bit more mystical in nature, and thus people got really curious what Luffy's Secret Ties to the Kuja and Amazon Lily could possibly be. And naturally that lead to people speculating that maybe Luffy's mom was a Kuja. Because what other subconcious connection could Luffy possibly have to the island especially when it didn't seem like it would help him reach/achieve his dreams any faster either.

But then we get to Impel Down and Crocodile gets those transgenderism allegations thrown right in his handsome face (and people start shitposting about him being Luffy's other parent) And I think that might be where the streams crossed. People noted how Crocodile has his funny little reptile motif going on, and how the Kuja ""also have a reptile motif"", transgenderism allegations, badabing badaboom Crocodile could be a former Kuja, secret past SOLVED.

But the connection there is really weak though, isn't it? Especially when you considder that the Kuja don't really have a REPTILE theme going on with them. Yes, the snake motif is important to the Kuja, our beloved Hancock being The Snake Princess and the sisters having the Gorgon/Medusa (fake) backstory, but the animal motif is limited to just snakes, not reptiles as a whole (otherwise we could also speculate that Moria is a former Kuja because he's also named after a reptile). And more importantly, the Kuja have a big FLOWER theme going on for them, namely in, well, their names; each Kuja is named after some kind of flower/plant. Sure, Crocodile could have a secret deadname but we don't know if he does, there is no evidence to suggest either way (but also, depending on when you think he would have transitioned then him just being able to have a secret deadname is kind of up in the air (see: Crocodad timeline))

So if Kuma's ability doesn't have a magical way to send people to places they have ties to (whether the person knows it or not), and if Crocodile doesn't have any obvious, thematic connection to the Kuja, then the only reason people believe he could've been a Kuja is because... he might be trans. And... yeah. That's kind of a weak basis for a theory, isn't it

[themyscirah]

I swear to god guys sometimes it feels like wonder woman comics only have two plotlines

1. Something destroyed Themyscira and WW wasn't there to stop it! What will she do?

2. The government has turned against the Amazons and war is brewing between the two groups. What will she do?

[hylialeia]

what gets me is this started not with a leak but with Amazon themselves deciding to put [redacted] out in the open thinking that it was like. what. set dressing or something? like that's so absolutely insane to me

[aurora-by-jacqui-natla]

19. A FEW ERRANDS

THE NEXT DAY, BELLA SUMMONED ME TO accompany her on an errand while Jacob and Renesmee made their way to Charlie's house abode. I was clueless as to what the task entailed, but I knew it was of utmost importance to Bella. Whether it was a joyous or sorrowful affair, she needed me by her side.

As we made our way to the car, I observed Renesmee's excitement as she eagerly awaited Jacob's arrival. She was adorned in a brown coat, grey leggings, and brown boots, looking like a miniature fashionista. I sat at the back with her while Bella hopped into Edward's Volvo.

"Hey, Nessie," I greeted her, causing her to turn her small head towards me. "Are you excited to see your grandpa?"

She nodded and placed her hand on my cheek, a gesture she often used to communicate with others.

"Where are you and Momma going?" she inquired in my mind.

I shrugged my shoulders, and Renesmee removed her hand. "I don't know," I replied. "Perhaps it's a surprise."

"Why can't we take your Ferrari?" Jacob grumbled as he joined us in the garage.

"Too conspicuous," Bella retorted. "We could walk, but that would alarm Charlie."

"She has a point," I concurred.

Jacob grumbled some more but eventually settled into the front seat, with Renesmee clambering onto his lap.

"How are you?" Bella inquired as she gracefully manoeuvred her car out of the garage.

"What do you think?" Jacob retorted, his tone laced with bitterness. "I'm sick and tired of these putrid bloodsuckers." He caught our disapproving glances and spoke before we could interject. "I know, I know. They're the supposed good guys, here to lend a helping hand and save us all. Blah, blah, blah. But let's be real, Dracula One and Dracula Two are beyond creepy."

Bella and I exchanged amused grins at his remark. The Romanian coven had never been my cup of tea, especially after what they had done to Gabriel and Joseph.

"I couldn't agree more," Bella chimed in.

"I'll drink to that," I added with a smirk.

Renesmee's head shook in a silent denial, yet her eyes betrayed a deep fascination with the Romanians. Unlike the rest of us, she found their enigmatic aura alluring. Perhaps it was her youthful curiosity that made her so intrigued by them. Despite their reluctance to be touched, she had mustered the courage to engage them in conversation. Her inquisitive mind had probed them about their peculiar skin, and I couldn't help but wonder if they would take offence.

Her curiosity had not appeared to have caused any distress among them. Perhaps a hint of wistfulness lingered in their demeanour.

Bella made a valiant effort to shield Renesmee from their venomous presence, and I couldn't fault her for it. But their words, oh their words, they reverberated through my mind like a never-ending echo.

Their insidious plan to use the child as a weapon to obliterate the Volturi was sickening. The mere thought of it made my skin crawl. And yet, they were willing to sacrifice everything, including any of us, to achieve their twisted goal.

Their taunting words lingered in the air like a foul stench, "You think apologising will change anything?" They sneered, their eyes glinting with malice.

But it was the final blow that left me reeling, "Well, if the child is not going to destroy the Volturi, then perhaps she will." The callousness of their words was enough to make my body sniff.

"Hey, how long do we get to hang around with Charlie?" Jacob's voice cut through my thoughts like a sharp knife, interrupting my reverie.

I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself from their words. Jacob seemed to visibly relax as we pulled away from the house, his muscles loosening as we drove further away.

"For quite a while, actually," Bella replied, her voice tinged with a hint of mystery. Jacob's attention was piqued, his eyes narrowing as he looked at her.

"Is there something else going on here besides visiting your dad?" he asked, his voice laced with suspicion.

"Jake, you know how you're pretty good at controlling your thoughts around Edward?" Bella's voice was soft, almost conspiratorial.

Jacob raised one thick black brow, his eyes flickering with understanding. "Yeah? Considering you're taking Violet with you?"

Bella nodded, a small smile playing at the corners of her lips. "Yeah, that's part of it. But there's more to it than that."

I couldn't help but feel curious. "Why did you want me to go with you?"

Bella turned to me, her eyes warm and friendly. "Just spending some time. Catching up, you know. It's been too long since we've hung out together."

Bella gave a subtle nod, her gaze darting towards Renesmee. I followed her line of sight and saw her daughter staring out the window, lost in her own thoughts. It was hard to gauge how much she was absorbing from our conversation, but we didn't press the matter any further.

Jacob lingered, hoping for someone to break the silence. His lower lip jutted out as he pondered the scant words we had exchanged. The car hummed along, the only sound the pitter-patter of raindrops against the windshield. Bella squinted through her contacts, trying to make out the blurry scenery outside. I glanced over and saw the rain trickling down the glass, leaving a trail of droplets in its wake. It was too warm for snow, but the chill in the air was palpable.

I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the window and noticed that my eyes were still as bright as they had been when we first set out. They glowed with a golden sheen, almost otherworldly in their intensity.

Jacob was still mulling over our abbreviated conversation when we pulled up to Charlie's house. We stepped out into the rain, hurrying towards the shelter of the porch. Charlie was already waiting for us, his hand on the doorknob before Bella could even knock.

"Hey guys! It feels like forever since we last met. Look at you, Nessie, come to Grampa! By the heavens, you've grown at least half a foot! And you look so skinny, Ness," he said, his eyes fixed on Bella.

"Are you not feeding her up there?" he asked, his tone accusatory.

"It's just a growth spurt, Dad," Bella interjected. "Hey, Sue," she called out, trying to divert his attention.

The aroma of chicken, tomato, garlic, and cheese wafted from the kitchen, tantalising everyone's senses. But amidst the delicious scent, I could also detect the freshness of pine and the mustiness of packing dust.

Renesmee flashed her dimples, but she remained silent in front of Charlie.

"Come on in, kids. It's freezing outside," Charlie said, ushering us inside. "Where's my son-in-law?"

"Entertaining friends," Jacob replied, snorting. "You're lucky you're out of the loop, Charlie. That's all I'm going to say."

Bella playfully punched Jacob in the kidney, causing Charlie to wince and me to chuckle.

"Ow," Jacob muttered under his breath.

"Better him than me," I whispered to Jacob, making him shrug it off.

"Actually, Charlie, I have some errands to run," Bella said, and Jacob shot me a knowing glance.

"Behind on your Christmas shopping, Bells? You only have a few days left," Charlie reminded her.

"Yeah, Christmas shopping," she replied, her voice lacking conviction.

Charlie's gaze shifted towards me, his eyes twinkling with a hint of mischief. "Hey there, Violet," he drawled, his voice laced with a playful tone. "I was wondering if you'd like to come over for Christmas?"

My heart skipped a beat at the invitation, and I couldn't help but smile. "I would love to," I replied, my voice barely above a whisper.

Charlie's grin widened, and he leaned in closer. "That's fantastic," he murmured. "Oh, and Leah mentioned that Ethan might be joining us. You know him, right?"

I hesitated for a moment, my mind racing to come up with a plausible story. Then, an idea struck me. "Yes, he's actually a friend of mine from Oxford," I lied smoothly.

Charlie's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Really? Did you guys study together?"

I shook my head, trying to sound convincing. "Not exactly. We just hung out a lot outside of class."

He nodded, his attention shifting to Renesmee, who was playing quietly on the floor. "Don't worry, Nessie," he whispered, his voice barely audible. "I've got your back if your mom drops the ball."

Bella rolled her eyes at him, but I couldn't help but feel grateful for his kindness. As for me, I hadn't even thought about the holidays until now. But with Charlie's invitation, I knew it was going to be a Christmas to remember.

"Lunch's on the table!" Sue's voice echoed through the house, beckoning us to the kitchen. "C'mon, guys."

Bella and Jacob shared a fleeting glance, bidding farewell to her father.

"See you later, Dad," Bella said, her voice laced with affection.

"Bye, Charlie and Sue," I added, my eyes scanning.

As we climbed into the sleek Volvo, our friends waved goodbye with bittersweet smiles. Bella revved the engine and we sped off, leaving the quaint house behind us. The wind whipped through our hair as we drove, but the silence between us was deafening. Suddenly, I noticed Bella's knuckles turning white as she gripped the steering wheel with a deathly grip.

"Bella?" I asked, my voice laced with concern. "Are you alright? You seem a bit... tense?"

Bella bit her lip and took a deep breath, her amber eyes fixed on the road ahead. "It's Alice," she finally said, her voice heavy with worry.

This caught my attention. "What about her?"

"She had a vision of the Volturi coming for us," Bella explained, her voice barely above a whisper. "That's why she and Jasper haven't returned."

I nodded, my mind racing with questions. Why hadn't they come back? What did Alice see? The weight of the unknown hung heavy in the air as we drove on.

"Before they left, Alice wrote a message for us, saying we need to gather witnesses before the snow hits the ground."

"Why?" I was confused by her.

"That's when they'll come," Bella answered grimly. "Then I realised that she wrote it on a torn paper from a book: THE MERCHANT OF VENICE. On the other side, it said the address at Seattle and a name."

"Wait, Seattle?" I sounded surprised.

The name of the city sent shivers down my spine, for it was there that I had unknowingly spent my final days as a human, where Victoria turned me. It was where the newborn army were staying at before going to Forks at kill Bella. And Bree...

I missed her. Greatly.

The memories flooded back, and I couldn't help but wonder what Alice's message meant for us. And why Seattle out of all places?

The roads were slick and dark, a perfect backdrop for Bella's newfound fearlessness behind the wheel. Her reflexes were razor-sharp, and she navigated the treacherous terrain with ease. The only challenge was keeping our speed in check, lest we draw unwanted attention to ourselves. We were on a mission, after all, and we couldn't afford any distractions. We needed to solve the mystery at hand so we could get back to the business of learning. Learning to protect some, learning to kill others.

Bella had been honing her skills under the tutelage of Kate and Zafrina, and her progress was nothing short of remarkable. Kate had stepped back, content to let Zafrina take the reins, and Bella had risen to the challenge with aplomb.

As we made our way through the city, I couldn't help but feel a sense of unease. I found myself visiting Evelyn's grave more often than usual, even though I was no longer human. I had managed to find the perfect gift for Ayla's Christmas present, but my mind was preoccupied with the looming threat that was only two weeks away.

Seattle was a familiar place, but not a pleasant one. The Cullens' cars stood out like sore thumbs on the dilapidated streets, surrounded by crumbling buildings and faded paint. The area was a mishmash of old houses converted into apartments, with a few businesses scattered here and there. A dingy bar with blacked-out windows, a psychic's supply store with neon hands and tarot cards flickering in the darkness, a tattoo parlour, and a daycare with a broken window held together by duct tape. It was a far cry from the pristine world we were used to, but we had a job to do, and we were determined to see it through.

The rain poured down in sheets, drenching the few people who dared to brave the weather. Two figures shuffled through the downpour in opposite directions, their heads bowed against the deluge. A lone figure sat on the shallow porch of a boarded-up cut-rate law office, reading a wet newspaper and whistling a tune that was much too cheerful for the dismal setting. The sound echoed through the empty street, a stark contrast to the dreary atmosphere. The dilapidated building had no numbers, but the tattoo parlour beside it was just two numbers off, a beacon of colour in the grey surroundings.

Bella pulled up to the curb, her car idling for a moment as we surveyed the scene. We needed to get into that dump, but the whistler on the porch made me nervous. He could be a witness, and we didn't need any more attention. Bella could park on the next street over and come through the back, but there might be more people to avoid on that side.

"Hey, ladies," the whistler called out to us.

Bella rolled down the passenger window, pretending not to hear him. The man laid his paper aside, revealing his clothes that were surprisingly well-dressed under his ragged duster. His dark red shirt looked like silk, and his crinkly black hair was wild and tangled. His dark skin was smooth and perfect, a contradiction to his unkempt appearance. His white, straight teeth gleamed in the rain.

"Maybe you shouldn't park that car there, lady," he warned. "It might not be here when you get back."

"Thanks for the heads up," Bella replied.

She turned off the engine, and we stepped out of the car. Perhaps the whistling man could give us the answers we needed faster than breaking in. Bella opened the big grey umbrella, shielding us from the rain. The man squinted through the downpour at our faces, then his eyes widened. He swallowed, and I could hear his heart racing as we approached.

"We're looking for someone," Bella began.

"I'm someone," he replied with a smile. "What can I do for you, beautiful?"

"You're J. Jenks?" I asked.

"Oh," he said, and his expression changed from anticipation to understanding. He got to his feet and examined us with narrowed eyes. "Why're you two ladies looking for J?”

"That's our business. Are you J?" Bella asked.

"No."

We all faced each other for a long moment while his sharp eyes ran up and down. His gaze finally made it to her face. "You don't look like the usual customer."

"I'm probably not the usual," she admitted. "But I do need to see him as soon as possible."

"I'm not sure what to do," he admitted.

"Why don't you tell us your name?" I asked him.

He grinned. "Max."

"Well, Max, why don't you tell me what you do for the usual?"

His grin became a frown. "Well, J's usual clients don't look a thing like you. Your kind doesn't bother with the downtown office. You just go straight up to his fancy office in the skyscraper."

Bella repeated the other address, making the list of numbers a question.

"Yeah, that's the place," he said, suspicious again. "How come you didn't go there?"

"This was the address I was given—by a very dependable source."

"And why is she here?" Max questioned my presence.

"A friend requested her to be here," Bella replied.

"If you were up to any good, you wouldn't be here."

She pursed her lips and I gritted my teeth.

"Maybe I'm not up to any good," she spoke.

Max's face turned apologetic. "Look, lady—"

"Bella."

"Right. Bella. See, I need this job. J pays me pretty well to mostly just hang out here all day. I want to help you, I do, but—and of course, I'm speaking hypothetically, right? Or off the record, or whatever works for you—but if I pass somebody through that could get him in trouble, I'm out of work. Do you see my problem?"

"You've never seen anyone like me here before? Well, sort of like me. My sister is a lot shorter than me, and she has dark spiky black hair."

"J knows your sister?"

"I think so."

Max pondered this for a moment. I smiled at him, and his breathing stuttered. "Tell you what I'll do. I'll give J a call and describe you to him. Let him make the decision."

What did J. Jenks know? Would my description mean something to him? That was a troubling thought.

"My last name is Cullen," she told Max, wondering if that was too much information, and looked at me. "And her's Khotler."

What was Alice doing?

"Cullen and Khotler."

Max dialled, easily picking out the number. "Hey J, it's Max. I know I'm never supposed to call you at this number except in an emergency. . . ."

There was a brief pause from him.

"Well, not exactly. It's those girls who want to see you. . . ."

Another silence.

"I didn't follow normal procedure 'cause she doesn't look like any kind of normal— No— You can't be sure about that. Does she look like one of Kubarev's—? No—let me talk, okay? She says you know her sister or something."

Then, Max turned his gaze on us.

"They look like . . ." His eyes ran from my face to my shoes appreciatively. "Well, they look like freaking supermodels, that's what she looks like." Bella smiled and he winked at us; I gave him a cringed look and then went on. "Rocking body, pale as a sheet, one has dark brown hair almost to her waist and the other has black hair. Both need a good night's sleep—any of this sounding familiar?"

Supermodels? He's joking, right?

"Yeah, so I'm a sucker for the pretty ones, what's wrong with that? I'm sorry I bothered you, man. Just forget it.”

"Name," I whispered.

"Oh right. Wait," Max said. "They said Bella Cullen and Violet Khotler. That help?"

There was a beat of dead silence, and then the voice on the other end was abruptly screaming, using a lot of words you didn't often hear outside of truck stops. Max's whole expression changed; all the joking vanished and his lips went pale.

"Because you didn't ask!" Max yelled back, panicked. "I said that, didn't I?"

Beautiful and pale? Did this man know about vampires? Was he one of us? What had Alice gotten us into?

Max waited for a minute through another volley of shouted insults and instructions and then glanced at us with almost frightened eyes. "But you only meet downtown clients on Thursdays—okay, okay! On it." He slid his phone shut.

"He wants to see us?" Bella asked brightly.

Max glowered. "You could have told me you were a priority client."

"We didn't know we were," I said.

"I thought you both might be cops," he admitted. "I mean, you don't look like a cop. But you act kind of weird, beautiful."

Bella shrugged and I smiled.

"Drug cartel?" he guessed.

"Who, us?" Bella asked.

"Yeah. Or your boyfriends or whatever."

"Nope, sorry. I'm not a fan of drugs, and neither is my husband. Just say no and all that."

Max cursed under his breath. "Married. Can't catch a break."

I smiled. "And just a heads up, I'm already taken." 

"Damn. Okay, back to business. Mafia?"

"Nope."

"Diamond smuggling?"

"Please! Is that the kind of people you usually deal with, Max?" I inquired. "Maybe you need a new job."

"You've got to be involved in something big. And bad," he mused.

"It's not really like that," Bella assured him.

"That's what they all say. But who else needs papers? Or can afford to pay J's prices for them, I should say. None of my business, anyway," he said and then muttered the word married again.

"You know, I'm single," I said to him, his eyes glimmered with hope, and a smile grew on his face. "I'll keep you in mind."

He gave us an entirely new address with basic directions and then watched us drive away with suspicious, regretful and hopeful eyes.

At this juncture, I was prepared for just about anything. A high-tech hideout seemed like a plausible option for us. Perhaps Max had played a prank on us and given us the wrong address. Or maybe the lair was concealed beneath this mundane strip mall, nestled against a wooded hill in a charming family-oriented neighbourhood.

Bella manoeuvred the car into an empty parking spot and gazed up at a subtle sign that read "Jason Scott, Attorney at Law."

The interior of the office was a bland beige with accents of celery green, unremarkable and unoffending. I had no idea what this Jenks fellow did for a living, but he had certainly amassed a fortune. There was no trace of vampire scent here, which helped us relax. Just an ordinary human. A fish tank was embedded into the wall, and a blonde receptionist sat behind the desk.

"Hello," she greeted us. "How may I assist you?"

"We're here to see Mr. Scott," Bella replied.

"Do you have an appointment?"

"Not exactly," I responded. "We were—."

She smirked a little. "Then it may be a while. Why don't you take a seat while I—"

April! A man's voice barked from the phone on her desk. "I'm expecting Ms. Cullen and Miss Khotler shortly."

I grinned and gestured to her and myself.

"Send them in immediately. Do you understand? I don't care what it's interrupting."

I could detect something else in his voice besides impatience. Stress. Nerves. A hint of anxiety.

"They've just arrived," April said as soon as she could speak.

What? Send them in! What are you waiting for?

"Right away, Mr. Scott!" She got to her feet, fluttering her hands as she led the way down a short hallway, offering me coffee or tea or anything else we might have wanted.

"Here you are," she said as she ushered us through the door into a power office, complete with heavy wooden desk and vanity wall.

"Close the door behind you," a raspy tenor voice ordered.

As we settled into our seats, I couldn't help but take in J's appearance. He was a curious sight, with his balding head and paunchy belly. His dark skin was a stark contrast to the sickly pallor that had overtaken his face. I couldn't help but wonder what had caused such a reaction in him. Was it the sight of us? Or was it something else entirely?

His attire was impeccable, with a red silk tie that stood out against his blue-and-white-striped shirt. His navy blazer hung haphazardly over the back of his chair, as if he had thrown it there in a hurry. But what caught my attention the most was the way he trembled, his hands shaking as if he were in the midst of a seizure. Sweat beaded on his forehead, and I couldn't help but imagine an ulcer churning away under his spare tire.

As April made a hasty retreat, J rose unsteadily from his chair, his hand outstretched in greeting. Despite his obvious discomfort, he managed to put on a brave face.

"What an absolute delight," he said, his voice quivering slightly.

Bella crossed the room and shook his hand quickly, her cold skin causing him to cringe slightly. But he didn't seem surprised by it, as if he had expected it all along.

"Mr. Jenks," Bella said. "Or do you prefer Scott?"

J winced again as he shook my hand. "Whatever you wish, of course."

"How about you call me Bella, her Violet and we'll call you J?" Bella suggested.

"Like old friends," J agreed, mopping a silk handkerchief across his forehead. He gestured for us to have a seat and took his own. "I must ask, am I finally meeting Mr. Jasper's lovely wife?"

Bella gave him a brief smile, but my mind was racing. So this man knew Jasper, not Alice. Knew him, and seemed afraid of him, too. What kind of person was Jasper, and what kind of world had he gotten us into?

"His sister-in-law, actually," Bella replied.

He pursed his lips, as if he were grasping for meanings just as desperately as I was. "I trust Mr. Jasper is in good health?" he asked carefully.

"I'm sure he is in excellent health. He's on an extended vacation at the moment."

J looked at me, his dark brown eyes glaring at me. "And how do you know Ms Cullen?"

"We're friends from school," I replied, my arms folded over. "Have you known Alice and Jasper long?"

"I've been working with them for more than twenty years," he answered. "And my late partner knew Jasper fifteen years before that. He is... unusually well-preserved."

"I guess you could say that. What type of work do you do, J?"

"Oh, you know, this and that," he replied. "It's always different, which keeps it interesting."

I could sense the tension in the air. J, the man we were here to see, seemed uneasy around us. But as soon as he caught our eye, he nodded to himself and templed his fingers, as if to calm his nerves.

"You both should have come to the main office," he said, his voice smooth as silk. "My assistants there would have put you straight through to me—no need to go through less hospitable channels."

We nodded, unsure of what to say. I couldn't help but wonder why Alice had given us the fake address in the first place.

"Ah, well, you're here now. What can I do for you?" J asked, his eyes scanning us up and down.

"Papers," Bella said, her voice surprisingly confident. "We need some important documents."

J raised an eyebrow. "Certainly. Are we talking birth certificates, death certificates, drivers' licences, passports, social security cards... ?"

Bella took a deep breath and smiled, trying to hide her nerves. I knew we owned Max big time for getting us this far, but I couldn't shake the feeling that something was off. And then I saw Bella's smile fade, replaced by a look of concern.

The only conceivable reason for her to require these documents was if she were in a state of flight. And the only conceivable reason for Renesmee to be in such a state was if we had suffered defeat. If Edward and Bella were accompanying her in her flight, then the need for these papers would not be immediate. Edward was well-versed in the art of obtaining or fabricating identification, and he knew of ways to evade capture without them. They could traverse thousands of miles with her, or swim across entire oceans.

If only we were there to protect her.

But why would Alice take such drastic measures? The conflict had not yet come to pass. Unless she had foreseen it. If either of us were to survive, what fate would befall Renesmee? Would she still be alive? Would she be safe?

Bella's voice was hushed, almost conspiratorial, as she revealed her plan. "Three birth certificates, three passports, one driver's licence."

I tried to make sense of what she was saying. Three false documents? What was Bella up to? I searched her face for any hint of an explanation, but she remained stoic, her expression unreadable.

"The names?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

"Jacob... Wolfe. V... Lilac Wolfe. And... Vanessa Wolfe." Bella's words hung in the air, heavy with meaning.

Lilac Wolfe? The name sounded almost poetic, but why was Bella acting so strange? I couldn't help but wonder what was going on behind those amber eyes of hers. Nessie seemed like a perfectly fine nickname for Vanessa, and Jacob would undoubtedly get a kick out of the Wolfe thing.

I watched as J's pen scratched furiously across a legal pad. "Middle names?" he asked, his voice calm and measured.

"Just put something generic in," Bella replied, her tone clipped.

J nodded, jotting down a few notes. "Ages?"

"Twenty-seven for the man," Bella said, turning her head to look at me. Her amber eyes scanned my face, and I felt a shiver run down my spine. What was she thinking? "Twenty for her and five for the girl."

Twenty for me? I couldn't believe it. Could I really pass for a twenty-year-old? I knew Jacob could pull it off - he didn't look like a fifteen-year-old boy anymore, not since his transformation - but Renesmee was growing so quickly. It made sense to estimate high, but why did Bella have to drag us into this mess?

Interrupting my thoughts, J interjected, "I'll need pictures if you want the finished documents. Mr. Jasper always preferred to finish them himself."

Bella hesitated for a moment before reaching into her bag and pulling out her wallet. She rifled through it, revealing several family photos, and handed two to J. One was of Jacob holding Renesmee on the front porch steps, and the other was of Bella and me at Forks High.

J studied the pictures for a moment before commenting, "Your daughter is very much like you."

Bella tensed at the mention of Renesmee, quickly retorting, "She's more like her father."

J's finger grazed over Jacob's face in the photo, causing Bella's eyes to narrow and sweat to bead on J's forehead.

"No, that's a very close friend of the family," Bella clarified, her tone sharp.

"Forgive me," J mumbled, his pen scratching against the paper once more. "How soon will you need the documents?"

"Can I get them in a week?" Bella asked.

"That's a rush order. It will cost twice as much, but forgive me, I forgot who I was speaking with," J replied, clearly aware of Jasper's connections.

"Just give me a number," Bella demanded, her voice firm.

J scribbled the digits on the legal pad, his hand shaking with anticipation. Bella remained composed, her demeanor as cool as a cucumber. But I, on the other hand, was a bundle of nerves, watching the exchange unfold before my very eyes.

Bella reached into her bag and pulled out a stack of cash, neatly clipped into five-thousand dollar increments. She counted out the exact amount with ease, as if she had done this a million times before.

"Here you go," she said, handing over the cash to J.

J couldn't help but interject, "Bella, you don't have to give me the full amount now. It's customary to hold back half until the job is done."

Bella simply smiled at J, her eyes conveying a sense of trust that I couldn't quite comprehend. "I trust you, J. And to show my appreciation, I'll give you a bonus when you deliver the documents."

J looked taken aback, as if he had never encountered such a generous offer before. "That's not necessary, I assure you.”

But Bella was insistent. "Don't worry about it. Consider it a token of my gratitude."

J nodded, still looking slightly uneasy. "So, same time next week?"

Bella's smile faltered for a moment. "Actually, I prefer to conduct these transactions in more discreet locations. I'm sure this isn't your first rodeo, J."

J's expression softened, as if he finally understood the gravity of the situation. "Of course. I'll make the necessary arrangements."

"I'm used to having no expectations when it comes to the Cullen family." He grimaced and then quickly composed his face again. "Shall we meet at eight

o'clock a week from tonight at The Pacifico? It's on Union Lake, and the food is exquisite."

"Perfect."

Not that she would be joining him for dinner.

We stood up, our bodies rising in unison as we extended our hands to meet his once again. This time, his grip was firm and unwavering, a sign that perhaps our previous encounter had left a lasting impression on him. However, his demeanour had shifted, his once relaxed posture now replaced with a tense and guarded stance.

Bella's voice broke the silence, her words laced with concern. "Will you have trouble with that deadline?"

He looked up, caught off guard by her question. "The deadline? Oh, no. No worries at all. I will certainly have your documents done on time." His words were confident, but his pinched mouth and rigid back betrayed a different story.

I let out a sigh, causing him to glance up at me. "There a problem?" he asked, his eyes searching for any signs of distress.

"N-No," I stammered, my nerves getting the best of me. "I thought that Bella and her husband would be travelling together with their daughter."

"Jasper said only three will travel. His instructions were very clear." He turned his head back to Bella, his voice firm and unwavering. "I'll see you in one week."

[elibeeline]

Inside me are two wolves and instead of attacking each other, theyre attacking me

[nexo-nex]

you know a band is obscure as hell when there's little to no information about certain albums/songs they've released

[void-tiger]

Tonks: mrow!

Me: [tries very very hard to keep the adhd wiggles while in a swivel rocker upholstered chair in check so she can jump up if she wants]

Tonks: [stretches against balcony door and stalks off]

Me: …aw, baby!! I’m sorry 🥺

(the cats haven’t really gotten to go Outside in 3 years; the new house’s backyard is mostly strips of much and a deck we don’t want them caught under, and the front yard DOES have really nice grass but isn’t fenced; we had neighborhood dogs trying to charge, especially if unleashed.)

[fantastic-nonsense]

Wonder Woman (2009) remains the only adaptation to accurately get across the fact that the Amazons ended up on Themiscyra because of the trauma and horrors they faced in Man's World and I desperately need future Wonder Woman media to talk about that more

[intomybubble]

I swear to god

Phantom tales is the type of series that I need physical copies of to keep track of everything going on bc there are a lot of scenes from past and present that also involve ancestors and stuff and its hard to keep track when reading on mobile

[violetclarity]

in a ~fun~ turn of events I think this year I hate my job not because of the *gestures to conservative catholic institution* everything but because the ratio of direct coworkers whom I like vs. dislike has gone from 2:1 to 1:2 and I am LOSING IT

[evilminji]

I've seen references to it in other Prompts?

But unironically? Paulina should Heckle superheroes more.

Like? Look at her AS A CHARACTER. You think she respects Authority? In their Tacky suits and with their weak ass boundaries she's been stomping over her ENTIRE LIFE, largely unpunished? Because she's Pretty and gifted in the Social Grace's department?

Granted, rarely USES them on most of these needs. But she HAS them and CAN. Why do you thinks she THE popular girl? Looks? Please. There are plenty of pretty girls out there. SHE can make you feel like you're the most important person in the whole world. Her BEST friend.

SHE put in the work to have flawless skin and a complexe social network based on future networth and political significance. A cute butt. Socials beyond reproach.

And SHE? Is so, SO fuckin PISSED.

Her Boo (don't judge her, it's a cute pun) is being SHOT at! Is run in to the ground EXHAUSTED. Doing jobs that CERTAIN people should be getting off their asses to do. CERTAIN people keep making pretty little speechs and getting good PR, while out here HER BOO is getting LAZER HOLES punched through him!

He should be of DATES. Laughing and going for flights. Sitting in the bleachers of cheer practice, safe and silly and shouting tips even though he doesn't know the first thing about Cheer. Getting to be YOUNG. In love!

And Paulina? Always on her phone. Their socials are just... RIGHT THERE. Oooh, Mr. "We protect everybody, aren't we such GOOD GUYS~☆" Her favorite flats! And, maybe, yeah, it's the pain from getting THROWN from the top of the pyramid they were practicing by that fucking GIW explosion.

Maybe it's the fact that Phantom hand to shield her with his BODY and those bastards SHOT at them. Could be the squad egging her on, furious and phones out. But how the weather in Metropolis, Supes? Enjoying up in your little ivory tower? Guess only city kids matter, huh?

Fastest man alive to ignore a genocide, HUH, Flash?

Nice Speech, Wonder Hypocrite. Guess "all woman are Amazons" until they're DEAD. Then you can do what you want to them?

Just. These Pretty, Bland, Offend No One, We're Aiming For Good Sport Colleges And Know They Check These accounts? Going NUCLEAR. All pretty, made for TV faces too. The sort of thing that makes for GREAT news segments and terrible PR.

Because? If Paulina is doing it? Well, A Lister solidarity. Jocks gotta have their back. They've been holding back some Opinions(tm). Time to throw um to the web.

And the blockades? Doesn't do SHIT. Because the GIW forgot one simple factor(well, MANY factors).

Cheerleaders have Away Games.

Paulina and Company? If they can't text INSIDE Amity? Fine. They'll cue them up. Release them at Amity VS. Whatever loser they're crushing next. Rah, rah, go teeeeam! Guess who has internet nooooooow!

GIW may have access to high tech devices and authoritarian control... but they're IDIOTS prone to easily avoidable human errors.

Meanwhile? Most of the JLA is metaphorically ON FIRE.

[vivalasthedas]

considering how close the release date of like barbie sets and shit are in the UK to the USA. The fact that Smyths has only just added Monster High dolls to the website, and says they’re not getting them until 2023, really does just solidify how absolutely dog shit awfully they’re handling all that.

Huh.I wonder if there’s a big money spending surge at the end of a year around a specific holiday where kids get a lot of stuff, that most companies think is worth putting out things BEFORE in order to sell a lot more than they might otherwise.

A mystery.

[peeps-old-blog]

I hope all the people trying to scalp monster high g3 dolls lose a lot of money because of the fact that the dolls are pretty much constantly available online from official retailers at this point

[noneorother]

I went dumpster diving into the posters for Good Omens Season 2 and found a few pearls.

I found it odd that this season had SO MANY official posters. Hours and hours of work and real dollars from Amazon went into the production of these things. This one won a freakin Clio award. I know Neil confirmed he didn't have a lot of control of what went into these 21 (Or 22 depending on whether or not you count the umbrella piece that was made before season 2 shooting began. Personally I don't!) pieces, but I will leave no stone unturned, so here we go. I combed through every single season 2 poster I could find so you don't have to. Here's everything I've found so far:

1. The allegiances poster

After having watched season 2, knowing what we know now, this poster seems very much to me like a Game of Thrones style family at war image. We have a perfect mirror down the center, with Aziraphale/Angels/Nina&Maggie on Aziraphale's traditional left side, and Crowley with Beelzebub & Jim as reflections of Maggie/Nina, and Shax and Michael(?) as reflections of the three angels on the other side of the mirror. It seems unbalanced, unless you count the floating white head (conveniently watching in the background) as The Metatron...

Which means Michael is... not on the same side as Uriel and Saraqael? She's also grouped in with the Metatron and Shax, on the side of the demons. How very odd. Gabriel & Nina also have a mirror in that they've both turned their backs to the crowd. Gabriel is willing to go live with Beelzebub in hell, and shut down Michael's plan and the Metatron's scheming for a second Armageddon, so that literal turn towards Beez and away from everyone else makes sense to me. The Nina one however? Not so much from what we've seen. Why is she turning her back on the angels & demons? 2. The individual posters

Interestingly, the individual posters all line up pretty much exactly with the all the allegiances this season. You just have to look at the way the characters are slanted vs. how the backgrounds behind them are slanted. All 3 bookshop posters and all 3 street posters are slanting left, with their characters also slanting left. They are who they say they are, and they're on the same side.

Michael and Uriel have right slanting backgrounds, so odds are heaven is supposed to slant right. Uriel is following the rules and slanting right, but of all the characters on the posters, Michael is the only one really betraying the background slant, and is slanting left against her background. Something's up with Micahel. They're not on the same side as they claim to be. Saraqael is more mysterious, as the only one sitting straight, and the only angel to have a left slanting background. Shax seems to be slanting left with a left slanting background, which puts her in the same pose as Uriel, but mirrored. While Beelzebub is weirdly slanting right with a right slanting background, making them a bit of a traitor, like Michael. Shax, Saraqael and Michael have some explaining to do. Lastly, and I think mostly obviously, there's clearly a missing poster in the set. Why doesn't hell have a third green poster? Is it supposed to be the Metatron, and they didn't want to spoil the surprise? Furfur maybe? Why wouldn't poor old Furfur get a poster when he has more screen time than Uriel? I don't think this is very important other than it's funny : everyone single person is holding something in their right hand, except for Shax and Crowley, who are holding things in their left hands, and Muriel, who's holding fucking NOTHING. Poor baby Muriel lolsob. One thing I do think might be important is that there are 21 posters in total + 1 missing one. So maybe 22 posters for season 2? How appropriate. 3. The triple phone box

In both the Nina street poster and the group street poster, there's are a set of 3 red phone boxes down the street. We never see phone boxes in series 2. Seriously, not once. Every other detail in these ones is from Whickeber street footage: gumball machine, post box, newspapers, coffee sign, puddle, walking extras... The only thing out of place is those blasted phone boxes. As far as I can tell it's literally the only thing in all 21 posters that never appears in the show in some form, and this background plate is used for all the street posters, so the phone boxes are in quite a few of them.

4. Crowley is showing his good side, Aziraphale is always facing away from Crowley.

Crowley is always shown with his head tilted to his right this season, body tilted towards Aziraphale and always with long sideburns. Even in the illustrated poster his default is head to the right, sideburns long.

EXCEPT for this poster. This is the only time he's looking away from Aziraphale, and his snake tattoo is visible. And his sideburns are short. Either nobody noticed this or they refused to fix it. There's also the matter of Aziraphale facing his body away from Crowley in every single image except the allegiances poster, where they face each other. So cute.

5. The sneaky details posters

This one has: 1. Pride & Prejudice 2. Treasure Island 3. A tale of two cities 4. The Crow Road 5. Catch-22 9.

AND whatever the hell this photoshop artifact/invisible thing coming out of the scroll on Aziraphale's desk. I checked every version I could find of this poster and it's always there. It looks like someone tried to edit out something that was there and sort of got it mostly right. Which is completely ludicrous given the amazing amount of flawless photoshopping and collaging going on in this image. These are the magicians linking rings from the 1941 magic shop. Mystery solved!

This one has the yellow book on the bookstand, the record, and : 1. Only one clock hand on the grandfather clock, facing 6. 2. A feather duster on the floor (but weirdly it's grey not yellow). 3. The dark horse statue with Crowley's old sunglasses on it. 4. Aziraphale's bowtie ON THE FLOOR. What. Why. I can only conclude that in this poster either A) Aziraphale and Crowley have left these things behind (meaning no more bowtie for Aziraphale in season 3) B) They are currently not wearing these items somewhere else in the bookshop....

_____________________________________ I ran out of images. So the dome poster will have to be it's own post!