#am i the only one seeing a bit of a double standard here?

[kichi-kinnie]

I kinda feel bad for Poseidon in this. I mean it was a bit satisfying but leaning a lot towards cruelty. While I thought Odysseus repeating the "ruthlessness is mercy" was cool, it didn't really fit for me? Bcs like, ruthless ≠ cruel. This leaned a lot into cruel. He didn't have to torture Poseidon. Not to say he didn't have something coming though, he kept pushing. I was also a bit irked by Odysseus trying the forgive and forget route because it sounded so mocking. Especially when you think about how 10 yrs is nothing to an immortal. Odysseus would have done the same if some jerk had blinded Telamachus, too. It feels weird to put it into a "villain finally gets punished" view and think the literal torture is fair punishment/deserved.

[mccardswife]

You are enough

heyy! this is my first one shot so it is not the best but feel free to give any tips!

arsenal wfc x teen!reader

warnings: mentions of violence, bruise, angst, sh, a few cuss words, suicidal thoughts, protective awfc and fluff in the end. Please remind me if I have forgotten some! (don't read if you get triggered)

(not proofread so if any mistakes give me a heads up)

word count: 2144

enjoy!

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Being a 16 year old professional football player is not the easiest thing in the world. Yes, you do what you love everyday but it has its up and downs. I signed for arsenal 3 months ago but I had no idea it would be that difficult. I don't feel like I belong here, all the girls on the team are truly amazing don't get me wrong, but it is so hard living up to the standards. Especially when I am me, just me and only me. I don't feel enough

After my alarm went signaling me to get ready for another day of training, the thought of going to training today dreaded me, and it has for weeks. Silence, I lay in my bed in silence just thinking of all the bad things that can happen today. If you are wondering where my parents are, the truth is. I live alone, yes, alone as a 16 year old in England. My parents has never supported me playing footy, not even when I was little. They wanted me to have a career that was meant for "girls" and not "boys", but that sounded bizarre. Football is for everyone, but they don't seem get that into their head. My parents kicked me out when they found out I signed for Arsenal, we lived in London, but since I got kicked out I had to get an apartment for myself. It was pretty hard but my best friend helped me and I am so grateful thankful for her. I have not told the team about me living alone for 6 months, they would go all protective and wanting to know why but I can't tell them, not yet. I don't want to be judged. Saying to the girls that I got kicked out of home, even thinking about it makes me feel so embarrassed and ashamed of myself.

I lay in bed, in pain. Physically and emotionally. Last night, after I was out grocery shopping I took the metro home as always, when a man probably doubled my age walked over to me. I then realized that it was my father, he dragged me into a corner and asked me if I still was into all that "football shit". I got furious and started whisper shout at him, turned out that was not the best idea. He started going about me being a disgrace to the family, not only the family but the world, that no one is ever going to love me for playing football, and then he punched me right in my cheek. I felt thrilling pain in my face, but he grabbed my wrists hard and said in my face "You useless bitch, no one cares about you and never will".

That sentence goes through my mind over and over again. I was almost impossible to fall asleep last night, because of the pain I was in both physically and emotionally. What my father told me, got to my head and I was thinking. Maybe he was right, I am a disgrace, no one will ever love me, maybe if it would be better if I just disappeared.

Well, well. Got to get up for training and stop thinking. Seriously y/n, get your shit together...

I walked downstairs to the bathroom and got dressed and tried to cover the bruise on my cheek that now has gotten all blue, yellow and purple. It was really painful and very difficult but totally worth it when I was done and I literally could not see a damn thing. Then I did the same to the bruises on my wrists and after I tried to cover up the dark bags under my eyes but that was a bit more of a job.

Suddenly I got the urge, the painful urge. I took the hidden blade from the mirror cabinet and drawed lines on my right arm. One, two, three, four.

Then I looked at the clock. Shit, I thought. The training starts in two hours and we have breakfast together in the dining room an hour before. The metro usually took 30 minutes, I packed my bag in a hurry and left.

When I walked in to the facility I heard two voices yelling my name behind me. Lotte and Alessia walked quickly over to me. "You excited for training?" Alessia asked you. "Yes totally" I said in a lie, I think they saw that I lied because it did not look like they believed me at all. "What about you Less and Lotte?" you said to try getting the attention away from you. It seemed that it worked because they said in sync "Yes". Less and Lotte looked at each other and we giggled.

When we walked in to the dining room, everyone was there. I tried to brush off all the looks I got. Why does everyone look so suspicious today...

"Come here Y/n, sit with us", Leah said after I served myself food. Leah sat with Katie, Kim, Lia, Caitlin, Steph, Beth, Viv and Kyra. I walked nervously over to them and sat down in the seat beside Beth. They started talking and I just sat there quietly eating my food being in my thoughts until Viv said "Y/n, you've been quiet, are you good". They looked at me concerned, "Me? Yes of course Im good, just sat thinking about the upcoming training today". I lied straight through my teeth. "Okay, if you're sure. but you can talk to us though", Caitlin said. I just said a quietly thank you, and then we walked to the locker room and got ready for training.

We started doing some light jog then got into some training drills. I was already sweating, it was surprisingly very sunny outside today and I wore a long sleeve training jersey because of my scars. "Aren't you hot in that", said Jen to me. I just simply shrugged her off saying no.

I was so exhausted, my body is so tired and I really want to lay down. When we had water break I just laid down on the grass. Sweating, I rubbed my face because I was so tired.

Beth and Viv walked over worriedly, they have become my unofficial parents after my transfer to Arsenal. They looked shocked when they saw me. "What" I said in a panicked voice. "Why do you have a big black bruise on your cheek?" Beth said, "And on your wrists?" Viv said. "Is something going on at home?" Viv asked with a knowing look. "No, no of course not, why would you assume that".

After training everyone looked worried and concerned, my passes and shots got sloppier and sloppier, I was hurting more and more. When I was about to leave, Kim, Katie, Leah and Jen cornered me. With Beth and Viv looking guilty behind. They brought me into a private room and they started telling me what Beth and Viv told me. Then all of a sudden Kim said "You know, all the team has been worried and concerned for a while, I can't remember how many times the girls have repeatedly come and talked to me". I looked at her ashamed. "Why do you have bruised?" Katie asked, "I just fell" I said, the lie obvious.

I started scratching because my scars got really itchy, I really wanted to just disappear right there and then. Then Leah grabbed my right wrist softly and pulled up my sleeve, the last thing before I broke down was gasps from the girls. I started trying to make up excuses but none of them were having it, "come with us" said Beth, "We will bring you to the medical room and then we want you to tell us everything". I desperately did not want to but I knew it was no chance of me getting out of this.

When we got to the medical room they put me on one of the beds. My scars were infected, that is why they itched so damn much. Jen was cleaning up my bruises while Kim cleaned up my scars. I know the people who worked here could do it but I did not want them right now, it is bad enough that now the whole team knows.

Leah then said in her stern but soft captain voice "Now tell us everything". I tried to tell her that it was nothing. What Katie said broke me "Please babe, we only want to help you. We know it has been hard for you but please". Then I broke down again, full on shaking and crying. Desperately gasping for air.

I started telling them everything, how my parents are and that they has never supported me once for the choices I have made, that I don't feel like I belong here because I am only me... When I spit out the truth about me living alone for 3 months because my parents kicked me out and that they were abusing me for years before, I saw tears in all of the girls faces. It was a heartbreaking sight. I told them how I ran into my father last night and what he did and said to me and I started sobbing again and saying silently to myself "It is true, what he said. I am a reckless disgrace full kid".

"You are enough y/nn, I promise you babe" Viv said. All of the others agree but I could not help believing my fathers words. "Actually me and Beth have been thinking for a while, we have a spare room and big enough place for 3, and you are like our kid. I am being for real, we love you as our own family. All the team does, but we wondered if you wanted to come live with us?" Viv asked me. I was hesitant and I think Beth saw that because she said "We are not taking no for an answer". I felt a smile creep up on my face and as desperate I was trying to hide it all the others saw and started smiling too. I said to Meadema, "thank you moms". I realized what I said "shit fuck, sorry I did not mean to".

"Y/nn it is okay, you have no idea how glad that made us, you are like our kid" Beth and Viv said.

After a while of me telling them about my thoughts, how I have been feeling for the last weeks, they decided to get me into therapy. We have a therapist at the facility so we agreed to be going to her twice a week. "I am grateful for all of you, I really am but I just feel like a bother" I said quietly.

"No babe stop" Jen said, Katie walked over to me, she took her hands on my head and said "You are enough, a hundred times enough". "You are like a younger sister to me, it breaks me to see you like this, not only me but all of us. We and all the team loves you. You are the baby of the team."

"We will always protect you, and we will get your so called parents locked up." Kim said to me. "Not Viv and Beth but the other parents" Jen said in a playful tone.

"That I understand" I said with a smile of my face.

Leah asked me if she could tell the other girls and the Gaffer, she needed to anyway but it was nice she asked me. I said yes then she walked outside.

A few minutes later they all came in. Kyra, being kind of like my annoying twin ran over to me and hanged on for me for dear life in a bear hug. I started explaining to them a bit more, and reassured them that it was not their fault but my manipulative parents.

I also said that I called Viv and Beth mum and that I am moving in with them and Lessi and Laura said at the same time "about damn time". All the team broke out in laughter.

"I am sorry for not telling you but I feel a thousand times better now after telling you, I have been scared and not felt at home here for a while but telling you and knowing that I can count on you girls will help me. The whole team is kind of like my family I never got and I can't ask for more than that. I am so grateful for all of you, and I love you"

"We love you too y/nn", Leah said with the softest most heartwarming smile ever. "You are our family, blood or not you will always be family" Kim said reassuring.

"Always," Katie said

"And you are enough" the team said lovingly.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - I'm Muddled, there is SO MUCH on, but also I have FEELS

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

July 2024 Week 2

Ongoing Series - Thai

Wandee Goodday (Sat YT) ep 11 of 12 - Yak is such a demanding babygirl princess type. It’s kinda hilarious in a fierce boxer dude. I do adore the core brother friendship in this show. It’s so sweet. Also I guess Yak is out OUT now, on TV and everything. 

YES PLEASE GMMTV!!! This ship! Sail it!!!!

The Rebound (Weds Gaga) eps 4-6 of 12? - So it started out as a relatively simple sports romance: first love, separation, reunion. But then just went entirely off the rails: gay mafia orgies, kidnapping, druggie ex teammates with knives, I am Spartacus. All erratic Thai pulp mumbo-jumbo aside? MeenPing are doing great in these roles. Zen's hurt confusion, Ryu’s struggle with internalized homophobia that keeps hurting Zen as much as him. 

Am I wrong to ship FrankPing Just a little bit? I only wanna see them kiss. It’s not asking too much, is it? 

Not sure what’s going on with Gaga and their "ep 6 of 6" thing. Or why they bundle-aired them. Did they just get the rights for the first half? Where is the rest?  

Sunset X Vibes (Sat iQIYI) ep 5 of 12 - I always end my Saturday with these 2 simply because I love this pair. I also enjoy the show. It’s sweet and I giggle a lot. I like that they’re dressing (and letting) Lin be a bit femmey - with his pussycat bows, coco bag, and little heels. I’m not sure about the pet names but I’ll accept them if I must.

My Stand-In (iQIYI) ep 12 fin - I would like to watch an entire show about the older brother boss and his hot secretary. Bit of a bully romance? Please & thank you?

This was a good solid ending, less predictable than I expected, which I appreciat. I liked that they had a full conversation about forgiveness. But overall, I am left in a muddle.

The show itself? A summation? Oof, here we go...

Adaptation of Chinese novel "Professional Body Double" by Shui Qiang Cheng. Stars Up (Lovely Writer) and Poom (Bake Me Please) directed by the same team as KinnPorsche. Stuntman Joe dies on the job and wakes up in the body of another Joe with an entirely different life. But Joe just starts repeating the mistakes of his previous self - love, work, play. I enjoyed the experience of watching this show, I looked forward to it every week. I thought everybody did a great job with it and in it, and I liked that is was something substantially *different* for Thai BL. But I’m not sure I'll rewatch it or if it's bingeable. It left me feeling more sanguine than happy. Is there, objectively, anything wrong with it? No. But am I in love with it? No. I think that rests on the central characters, Ming in particular. I never liked him or warmed to them as a couple. I spent most of this show just very very sorry for poor Joe. Thus I was never rooting for their romance. I would recommend it, if you enjoy your BL more cerebral, with complicated unlikable love interests, and a downtrodden sympathetic lead. Is it, perhaps, more JBL that ThBL? Am I biased because it's a Thai production and I had expectations? What magical carnage could Japan have done with this IP? I'm left with questions, but I'm ultimately glad I watched this.

All this means that this show should, by all my own standards, get at 9/ 10. But I'm giving it an 8/10. So there.

We Are Cute (Weds iQIYI) ep 15 of 16 - It really is the antidote to Friend Zone. Like GMMTV just set out to make a nice little show about nice boys being very nice and kissing each other nicely. And it makes me very happy.

Century of Love (Weds Gaga) eps 1-2 of 10 - DaouOffroad are back, this time as fated mates in a quasi historical paranormal moment. Very much Director Who Buys Me Dinner meets First Love Again, hopefully better than both. I love this pair and think they can handle the premise, it's whether the storytelling is up to the challenge.

So far? I like it a lot. I love it when Thailand gets all up in its own historical business and reincarnation and bullshit like that. I’ve always liked this pair too (it’s not their fault I didn’t enjoy most of their first series.) Daou’s wushu is pretty snazzy. We got a fun meet cute. (Erm... Remeet cute? Meet cute 2.0?) And this is a very PRETTY show. With more comedy than I was expecting.

This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans (Fri iQIYI) ep 2 of 8 - I like the friendships, but so far I’m not sold on the personalities of the main couple. Of course I love the pair, and I know they can handle it, but I hope the story justifies their chemistry.

My Love Mix-Up Th (Fri YT) ep 6 of 12 - They are so damn teen dramatic and over-the-top. To have really played into the impact of the counselor character's original casting, they should’ve had Krist play the role! (GET IT?) That’d be ridiculously ironic. Not that I object to GMMTVs #1 Daddy Papang. Never that. 

The Trainee (Sun YouTube) ep 2 of 12 - Ah ha, I figured it out. This reminds me of The Devil Wears Prada. I’m finding most of the rest of the interns too caricature and thus annoying. But I’m still liking this more than I expected. 

Love Sea (Sun iQIYI) ep 5 of 10 - The bullying GL subplot is just bad. And I’m getting an overall squick from the fact that the two rich privileged characters are essentially taking advantage of the two lower class poor characters. Trash watch here.

Knock Knock Boys (Thurs Gaga) ep 8 of 12 - I’m coming around to Almond + Latte, but I’m not super sold on any of the other plot lines.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

I Hear the Sunspot AKA Hidamari ga Kikoeru (Japan Weds Gaga) ep 3 of 10 - It’s still good and it’s still sticking relatively closely to the mango. So I’m still enjoying it.

Takara's Treasure AKA Takara No Vidro (Japan Mon Gaga) ep 2 of 10 - I just don’t really like the dynamic of the younger, poor, country kid desperately chasing the older hot boy. It’s a bit too desperate or something. It’d be different if Takara were a nicer person, but he doesn’t have much going for him but a pretty face.

It's airing but...

Meet You at the Blossom

In case you missed it

OMG Vampire (Thai Sun ???) 10 eps - It's ended. Should I watch it? right now 1 vote for and 1 vote against.

The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer released to Korean theaters 5/25. HoTae & DongHee, side couple from Unintentional Love Story are back! Same actors, same character names. I love them. Devastated this hasn't had international distribution. I demand you tell me the moment you find it!

The Last Time (Thai Fri YT) - Got bumped to Aug 2. Convoluted story of loss and possible reincarnation or something.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

July Releases to Come

7/24 I Saw You in My Dream (Thai Weds WeTV) - Dee Hup is behind this one so I have high hopes. Younger boy chronically teased his whole life by the older boy next door suddenly starts having horrific prophetic dreams about his bully and must save hime.

7/26 4 Minutes (Thai Netflix or iQIYI?) - Great is a university student from Faculty of Business and the son of a wealthy business owner. Out of the blue, he gains the supernatural power to see four minutes into the future.

7/29 Battle of the Writers (Thai ????) - trailer here, TutorYim return and while I adore them, I really hope this is better than Middleman's Love. Won't be hard. However: that premise! Ugh. Something something authors fighting - save me. Why don't writers understand that nothing is more boring than writers?

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Such a Best Boy, not leaving his drink behind!

YES please.

Follow me here... these 2 in the Thai BL version of Tein Bromance X, which is to say: Mean assassin meets and falls HARD for snarky school teacher, they adopt a kid together. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO WATCH IT.

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in it's infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.

There's these tricks, remember.

[amuseoffyre]

"I don't even know who I am"

What I have loved about the show from day one is that it has been an unflinching examination of identity and what makes it: the things that shape people into who they are and how that impacts on how they act and react to the world around them.

The exploration of Ed’s sense of self has been so beautifully handled and I know that if/when we get a third season, they’re going to do even more with it.

This is a character who has been raised with violence and cruelty his whole life, who was told “we’re just not those kind of people” when he yearns for something better, who killed to protect his mother, who ended up under the heel of a brutal tyrant of a captain who used sadistic punishments and death to keep his crew in line.

It’s the only life he knew and it’s the only option he sees himself as having. He has no concept of any other alternative until along comes Stede “there’s always another way” Bonnet and he’s fascinated. He even tells Stede as much the first time they met – “do you have any idea how hard it is to find someone doing something original out here? It’s impossible, man.”

Ned Lowe cements that fact in 2x06, describing Ed as a generic pirate and Ed immediately calls him out on the fact that he’s as messy as the rest of them even if he’s trying to act like he’s not, observing “It’s usually family stuff”. Stede even observes “A lot of your friends are troubled” and Ed fully admits “Yeah. Well. They’re pirates.”

There’s so much juicy meta to be had about the fact that Stede wants to desperately be a pirate and Ed doesn’t even catch that not only is Stede fully troubled but that it’s got Family Stuff etched all over it. He even says “you’ve got it all figured out”, but the Stede meta is for another day.

In S1, Ed’s in a pretty depressed space and finds a bit of a respite from it in Stede’s company. It lets him try out new things, things he didn’t think he was allowed/able to do, but he still follows a lot of the patterns of behaviour and actions that are standard in the pirate lifestyle that has been 80% of his lived experience.

He can switch violence on and off when he needs it (“next one goes through your fucking eye”), he doesn’t see anything wrong in talking about the violence he’s inflicted (“Well, this one time I was gouging an eye out of this lad’s skull”), he has a deep well of punishments that he can draw from (force-feeding body parts, mutilation, skinning, maiming) and all of these things are just so normalised for him that he’s desensitised to how horrific they are.

He’s still doing all those things while also telling stories, having fun, teaching people about fuckeries and generally being “more open and available than I’ve ever seen him”. He hasn’t wanted or needed to shed that side of his life because he’s getting the best of both worlds.

Only then Calico Jack pays a visit and ramps Ed’s behaviour up to 11 and this is the first time Stede – who is dealing with his own issues at the same time – says that there’s something wrong with the way he’s behaving.

Ed says to Stede, confused and stung, “This is who I am. This is me” when Stede points out all the behaviour he isn’t enjoying. And for him, at this point, this is him. This is what he’s grown up knowing and being. This is his lifestyle and part of the culture of the pirate community. We see it repeatedly when we see Ed encountering people from his past or in the Republic. It’s the frog-in-the-pot scenario. He’s been in the pot so long, he doesn’t know it’s been boiling the whole time.

Only the very next episode, at the academy, pared back to just be Edward Teach, born on a beach, he admits “I don’t know if I want to go back to the old days, drinking all day and forcing some bloke to eat his own toes for a laugh”. He’s been played and double-crossed by people who trusted him and he sees an alternative in Stede – “I’m your friend” Stede told him, and he wants that. He wants a friend he can trust. They can go off together, away from all that and everything’ll be fixed, right? That’ll make it all good.

And then…

And then we all know how that goes.

Briefly, very briefly he thinks he might be able to hold on to that different kind of thing, that softer, brighter world, but Izzy reminds him of the reality of their situation. That people he considers allies and friends can and will warn him to “watch his fucking step” and that this is not a world where he can let his guard down.

Either you’re part of that world or you die. Izzy said it as far back as episode 4. The only retirement they get is death. And so that’s the option Ed takes: either watch the world burn or die trying. Not like he can have anything else. For ever and ever, trapped in his life and world he has come to hate.

He sinks him into the worst of it to try and end things faster. He’s crueller. Relentless. Brutal. And no one seems to care that he’s shattering under the weight of it, until he forces their hand and goads them into killing him or letting him kill all of them.

Izzy says “we did this to him” to Stede, but neither of them seem to realise how much deeper Ed’s hurts go. Yes, they both had an impact on Ed, knocking away his sense of place and self and acceptance, but the wounds are far older and far deeper than they know.

It’s only when Ed is first forced to confront himself in the unsettling not-reality of the gravy basket that he takes the first step in understanding himself better. He’s forced to face the stuff he’s done and the worst parts of himself. He even tries to kill them, over and over again, until he realises.

I find it especially interesting that Buttons describes getting out of purgatory as “escaping”. That this is a place where you’re flayed down to the bones and forced to face the worst parts of yourself.

It’s so vital that he – and Stede – have the encounter with Anne and Mary. He’s reminded of the world that he was part of and the casual brutality that came with it. He’s shown that he and Stede could easily fall into those patterns, but instead Stede offers him honesty, comfort and the assurance that he is loved.

“A lot of your friends are troubled” Stede observes after and Ed admits that yeah, they’re pirates. He recognises that this is part of the social culture he grew up in and that it’s still impacting on him now.

But what happens next is so sweet and important. Buttons talks to him of learning to change, that nothing is fixed and that if you want to, you can change your path. And then Buttons shows him it’s possible and Ed’s face just lights up. Yes, brother. Fly. You can change things. You can choose another way.

Only it’s not simple. It’s not straightforward. With the probation period, Ed looks for quick fixes – offers to let Lucius push him overboard to get it over with and the like – but part of him still doesn’t quite get why some of the stuff he did was wrong because it was so normalised to him.

It takes Fang saying “I was terrified” to make him see it and coming from someone who has been with him for 20 years, realising someone else from within his own world was terrorised by him brings things into focus for him. That the things he thought were games weren’t. That the stuff he told himself was normal in context absolutely wasn’t normal.

And this is where Ed’s entire world view pivots. Fang shows him how to sit with himself, how to reflect. Ed takes this lesson to heart and he’s still working through it, gazing out to sea and thinking about it at the beginning of episode 6. He goes from never apologising for anything as a captain to telling both Fang and Izzy quiet, but meaningfully, “I’m sorry”.

He’s known for a long time that he’s tired of piracy, but the Ned Lowe situation is the thing to put the final nail in the coffin: this man hunted him down because of his pirating. This man hurt them all because of it. And worst of all, Ned took the man Ed loves and pushed and provoked him until Stede killed him. This was Ed’s “you defile beautiful things” moment. His face in those scenes, when he said “don’t do it, you can’t come back from this” is a call from his own experience. Stede is taking that step onto a path that Ed desperately wants to get off.

That night makes the decision for him.

The next morning, his leathers go overboard, a symbolic end to Blackbeard (and I will yell another day about him putting the proverbial beast back under the waves. Ed and his sea metaphors are gnawing me alive) and he’s happy about it, humming and hurrying back down to join Stede in their bed.

Stede doesn’t notice, though. Stede never would notice something like that being important because for him, Ed is Ed. Whatever he wears, whatever he does, he is Ed. A change of clothes doesn’t change him in Stede’s eyes.

But other people notice. Hell other people not noticing Blackbeard and only seeing some hobo dude is such a change. There’s something so significant that the people he chooses to talk to about it are the old guard in his field. He tells Jackie “it’s not a phase” and Izzy that it felt “fucking great” and both of them get it. Both of them have been there, seen it, experienced it.

Only it happens as he’s seeing Stede become what he used to be, stepping into the space he’s willingly leaving, and Stede is so happy about it. And he’s happy for Stede to have his moment and be appreciated, but it just throws into stark relief that this is absolutely not what he wants or needs right now. He still has a lot of figuring out to do and unfortunately, they’re both highly-emotional people and when they’re emotional, their communication goes down the toilet.

Once upon a time Ed said “this is who I am, this is me” to Stede, when he was acting exactly like Stede is now: raucous, drinking, chaotic and loud. Only time and reflection has let him see that wasn’t necessarily him but the environment and his circumstances shaping him to be like that, just as it's now making Stede act that way.

“I don’t even know who I am,” he admits in this argument. “I’m not ready for whatever this is”. He knows he has a lot more to figure out and because he’s latched on so hard to fishing as a place to be quiet and contemplate, that’s why he runs there. He wants to work himself out without the weight and pressure of the pirate world breathing down his neck.

Only he doesn’t talk about it, he doesn’t explain, he just tells Stede he’s leaving and Stede immediately sees it as something he’s said/done, rather than something that Ed is trying to figure out. They both hurt each other because Ed has always worried that Ed isn’t enough – the loss of the beard still weighs on them both – and that Stede is only humouring him to get Blackbeard, while Stede is so convinced that being a great pirate will mean he and Ed can be together as equals instead of him being a bumbling amateur who isn’t worthy of the man he loves, only to see it slip through his fingers.

They both need to talk to each other, but they don’t know how. Ed’s made quick, rash decisions, but they’ve come on the back of a lot of reflection and he just didn’t explain it. He’s right that he doesn’t know who he is himself. He’s never had the chance to just… take the time and figure it out. He needs that time, but they just don’t have it right now and they end up hurting each other more because of it.

I’ve said from the beginning that both of them are coming from opposite ends of the spectrum and that they’re destined to meet somewhere in the middle. Ed got his fantasies of a fancy life shattered in season one and now, Stede is seeing the impact of his pirate fantasies on the life he made for himself in season two.

Both of them are on the edge of a catastrophe curve, misunderstanding each other’s motivations and totally at odds with who they are versus who they have been told they need to be. They will get there, but two little lost boys finally taking off the rose-tinted glasses and dealing with the mess that they have carried with them their entire lives isn’t easy.

And I will fully admit I am loving it.

[oraclefreak]

I'm not going to lie; I do hate on Richard Cameron. It's a classic in the DPS fandom. But when you start looking a little bit more into his character, there is something that tells you you can't just hate this kid.

The way Cameron was always excluded by Charlie, and the Dead Poets would laugh because he would say funny jokes at Cameron's questions and comments. Even if Cameron was Neil's friend, that was mostly outside the group. He truly was the one that didn't fit between the Poets, and the reason he even got to be in the meetings was because of Neil Perry.

Neil connected the Dead Poets Society. One wouldn't think to make meetings with a really chaotic dude who hates a really stuck to rules guy, and that last guy in question being invited too. But the meetings weren't even terrible, Charlie threw some comments about Cameron and viceversa here and there.

Charlie punched Cameron after Neil's death, which is something completely different than a funny remark.

I've talked about Charlie and Neil's friendship, which was a lot more portrayed than what we can see of Neil and Cameron's. Charlie's grief has to do with the fact that Neil couldn't be an actor because of Mr. Perry. Cameron's grief has to do with the fact that Neil is never coming back, and there has to be a guilty one.

Cameron doesn't only think of Mr. Keating as the culprit because of the authorities, but also because he wasn't very fond of his form of teaching in the first place (for example, Cameron asked to the Poets if he would test them on something, and Charlie responding that he didn't get it). And that's another thing they don't have in common; Charlie adores Mr. Keating, Cameron does not seem to be very fond of him.

Taking these into account, Cameron's grief, along with disliking Mr. Keating, and also that he doesn't have the ability like the other Poets to just question authority--he snitches on everyone.

And that was... terrible of him, we know that. But Charlie quite literally made the Poets known before he even snitched. And that isn't talked about in the fandom. Like, yeah, I adore Charlie and I think he's amazing and bla bla, but the double standards kinda hit on this one.

Unpopular opinion much? Probably. I am not defending Cameron's actions by any means, but let's not forget these are 17 year-old boys. And Cameron had to deal with Neil's death in his own way. As I said, he didn't question authority or rebel against it like the others; Cameron wasn't a poet, but he was in the Dead Poets Society.

I am also NOT hating on Charlie. I hope my wording isn't terrible. I love all of the Poets (there might be favorites though(

I think I should elaborate on this at a much more decent hour (it is currently 3am). Please don't leave me hate comments while I sleep, I prefer to read them with my eyes open...

[Youtuber voice] Like and suscribe if you want me to do a part 2 video of this!!!

[hearts4youz]

The Captains Daughter -Chapter 3-

A/N Sorry for the longer wait!!! chapters 4 and 5 are ready to go and will be out this week/weekend as well!! hope yall are doing great and enjoy this chapter! its a bit of a slow one, the next few are too but I promise it will get better!!

@abbiesxox

Word count: 1.1k

Reader pov:

*Beep beep*

*Beep beep*

4:45 AM, your alarm was blaring. You let out an ungodly noise as you stretched your still sleeping muscles, reaching over to shut it off. Breakfast started in 15 mins, reporting was mandatory. You used the restroom, brushed your teeth, washed your face with your standard issue bar of soap, which to be honest, didn't do much for skincare. It was more for sterilization than anything.

You combed your hair back into a low ponytail. Luckily the uniform regulations were much more relaxed here than your old base. Your hair only needed to be tied back in some form if it was past chin length, instead of the required sleek low bun most other military organizations required.

Putting on your uniform and double knotting your shoes, you opened your door and began walking to the mess. Almost running face first into a man with a mustache. You looked up to apologize and realized it was your father.

"Watch where you're going fatass," You joked. (A/N- please tell me yall got the mean girls reference.)

Your dad laughed, your footsteps fell in sync and the two of you walked to breakfast together.

"How was your first day of training with your Lieutenant?"

"I don't think I'm up to his standards," you confessed. Remembering Ghost's disapointment with you the day before

"Ah yeah, Ghost is tough to please. Don’t stress about it kid, if he’s mean to you it usually means he likes you,” He winked.

You rolled your eyes, “he doesn’t even think I belong here, he kicked my ass when we sparred.”

“Ghost is a great soldier, he’s incredibly strong and has seen a lot of hand to hand combat. He can be blunt, but it’s cause he wants to make you better, not boost your confidence,” your dad tries reassuring you.

“Thank you dad, but something tells me him and I won’t get along too well," your opinion unchanged.

He sighs, the two you enter the mess hall and fall into line.

"Speak of the devil," your dad says, lightly elbowing you.

you turned around to see Ghost and Soap had gotten in line behind you.

"Captain!" Soap exclaimed, with just a tad too much energy for 5 in the morning."

You looked up at him and grinned. He had shaved his face, which appeared to have shaved a decade off of his life.

"MacTavish!" Your father clapped him on the back. "You don't look a day over twelve," he teased.

The four of you laughed, the first time you've seen your lieutenant do anything of the sort.

Ghost caught your quizzical expression and quickly stopped, expression reducing to the same stone faced soldier you were growing familiar with.

"Ghost?" Soap wondered why he stopped laughing.

Soaps gaze switched from him to you.

"Oh," was all that came out of his mouth

You were confused, why wouldn't Ghost laugh around you?

Why did soap seem to instantly know why?

Ghost pov:

I was not about to let Y/N see my "human" side, maybe once she proves she can handle herself. I think as I fork bacon onto my tray.

I dared to steal a glance at her, she was back to talking and laughing with Soap and Price. It is odd seeing someone act so informal around him. I know he is her father and all, but everyone else acts so reverent towards him.

I am due to continue her training at 4:00 this afternoon. Dread fills my veins. I hate the thought of being in charge of the training that is designed to save someones life. What if I fail to teach her something that she needs in a dire situation? What if I am too soft on her and she remains weaker than her opponents.

No, that won't happen.

You will be hard on her, you will show no remorse, you won't feel bad. She is not your friend, she is your sergeant. I repeat this to myself in my head as we gather our trays and walk to the table. I ate in silence, paying little attention to the conversation. Gaz and Alejandro had joined us at this point. I stared down at the plate in front of me. The bacon here is nasty.

I wanted to leave. I hated it with Y/N here.

Its not that I don't like her, well actually maybe that is partially why.

But, when I look at her, its like seeing a child. Something that needs to be looked after, someone with a lot to learn, someone who isn't ready to face the world.

I stood up to leave without a word. I head towards the gym to get in a quick lift before the morning briefing.

"Simon!"

Soap had followed me

"Fucking hell" I said under my breath.

"You cant be a jackass to her forever," Johnny said, jogging to catch up with me.

"Until I can safely befriend her without having to worry about having to identify her body a week later I will be," I huffed.

"Simon, I know it hit you like a truck when Henry Jones, and Bill Anderson died, I know how you get when you hear about the death of anyone," he tried to reason.

"I know you always think it's your fault when something goes wrong. I know you want to protect everyone, and I know you don't mean to be an asshole." I looked at him from the corner of my eye.

"But not everyone else knows that," he continued. "Your colleagues are afraid of you. They think you're heartless. I know you aren't, the rest of the squad knows you aren't, well except Y/N.

Him and I walked the rest of the way in silence. I contemplated his words.

Your colleagues are afraid of you

"I don't want her to be afraid."

"Hm?" Soap turned his head

"Y/N, I don't want her to be afraid of me," I confirmed

"The mask sure isn't helping," Soap joked to break the tension. "Actually, keep it on- whats underneath is worse," he snickered.

"You bastard, I'm not ugly," I cracked a smile from beneath said mask.

Johnny has seen my face once, on a mission. I was sucker punched and it cracked.

"What does she think of me?" I say, curiosity besting me.

"She thinks you're a total dick."

"figured"

"You can fix that though," Soap said "It's pretty simple, maybe instead of beating the shit out of her to start training, you could ask how her day is going." He sarcastically adds

I roll my eyes, "I'm capable of friendship."

Soap laughs, "I'll put in a good word for you LT."

Smiling and shaking my head, I walk away.

[galedekarios]

Am I the only one who thinks that something very different is happening in some people's games from mine? Cause I still keep seeing people talking about how gale is constantly trying to get in their pants and ???? even when romancing him you literally can't have sex until well into act 2, and he has no romance content unless the player makes the first move in the weave scene. He's actually one of the most subtle of the companions on this, several of the others very blatantly come onto you whether you've ever chosen romance dialogue with them or not. But it's gale people talk about. I'm confused what is actually happening when they say that

no, you're not the only one. i think anyone who pays the least bit of attention to and/or actually played gale's romance storyline for themselves will understand that his romance is a slowburn.

people keep regurgitating the crap they've heard from someone else and now it's turned into this bizarre twilight zone take of who gale is and how his romance is.

those scenes simply do not exist where he "constantly tries to get into your pants". gale has very few scenes that are or can be romantic: the weave scene. the conversation at the tiefling party. the flirt in the shadow-cursed lands. last night alive scene. the boat scene.

like you pointed out, if you want to romance gale, you as the player have to actively choose options to express an interest in him and actively choose to pursue him at several points:

during the weave scene, it's you as the player who has to imagine a kiss or a romantic walk. during the tiefling party, it's once again you who have to flirt with him. you have to actively initiate any sort of romance with him since gale doesn't do it on his own for various reasons.

i've also seen people like to blame this perception on his release bug, but i honestly think it's more or less just an excuse to perpetuate negativity and hate directed at a character they already disliked.

if it was truly just the bug, then i wonder where the same energy was for k*rlach, who for the longest time had the same bug if you romanced gale. the option to tell her that you were in a relationship with him never went away, even when you picked it several times, and she took rejection much worse. nvm that even without bugs, she wakes you up in the middle of the night going "i want to ride you until you see stars" once your approval gets high enough. but no, it's crickets.

the simple truth is that many of the companions come on much stronger, much much earlier in the game. k*rlach is just an example here (lae does it too, ast*rion, etc) - and that isn't meant as criticism or hate against those companions btw, they're all different people with different stories and different characters and it makes sense for them.

it's the double standard of the fandom that gets me.

you don't have to like gale. feel free to hate him. but at least hate him accurately lol.

[tgmsunmontue]

You need to learn how to fall 5/10

Hangster (and IceMav) - Bradley is too tall to be a naval aviator and instead becomes a sky diver, specialising in spin recovery. He is a civilian contractor to the Air Force and Navy to teach pilots how to survive parachute spins from ejections. A more in-depth version of this post.

PROLOGUE 2003-2006 2007-2010 2011-2015

HEADS UP - I only post Part 4 yesterday so you might have missed it

2016

Prologue Take 2 - 2016 onwards

                “Ice! Do you know a Lieutenant Colonel Sanderson?”

                “That’s an Air Force rank…” Tom mutters, looking up at Bradley who is standing in the door to his office wearing nothing but a pair of basketball shorts. He can see the bruises and scars that Bradley’s acquired in the past and more recently. Sometimes the lack of formality annoys him but also seeing him alive will always outweigh that annoyance as it quickly fades into fondness.

                “I’m aware of that, I just have an email from him asking me to call him to discuss coming and training their Special Forces…”

                “What? Why is the Air Force contacting you?” Tom asks, suddenly concerned.

                “I know it hasn’t escaped your notice, but I am the forerunner expert in FMM, HALO and HAHO practices. As well as standard parachute deployment, spin recovery and the physics of jumping out of planes in general. I know you read my thesis and watched me defend it. I just wanted to know if you maybe put in a good word.”

                “No, I didn’t. Did you want me to? Wait. You’re considering it?”

                “Of course I’m considering it. This is where I can hopefully have some more impact, rather than simply develop training guides.”

                “Would you come and do the same with us?”

                “With the Navy? Of course I would. Going to bug you that the Air Force got in first though huh?”

                It does a little, and he knows Bradley can likely tell from his facial expression.

                “I’m a civilian, I can do both. Hell, toss the Army in the there as well. You know I’ll always be a Navy man at heart.”

…             …             …

                “Dr Bradshaw, nice to meet you. Thank you for agreeing to do this.”

                “Glad to be of service. My step-father is a little piqued that the Air Force jumped the Navy, but have to reward the forward thinking of the Air Force and Army wanting better training for their Special Forces.”

                “Would I know your step-father?”

                “I don’t know. Do you know Admiral Kazansky sir?”

                That gets him a double take and Bradley grins, because taking people by surprise will never get old.

…             …             …

                Pete goes along the first time Bradley teaches at the Pensacola flight school, watches him take the class and some of the aviators are older than him but he commands their respect in the same way Ice does, quiet, confident and simply expects respect. It’s impressive and he messages Ice and tells him that their son is just like him.

                “Captain Mitchell, what are you doing here?”

                “Just here for my son’s first day of class. Not here in any official capacity.”

                “Who is your…”

                “Dr Bradley Bradshaw. You remember Goose? Nick Bradshaw? That’s his boy up there.”

                “You raise him?”

                “Kid pretty much raised himself, but yeah, I tried to be there.”

                “He’s got himself a reputation as a bit of a daredevil, but a very very careful one.”

                “That’d be Ice’s influence,” Pete says, and it’s a slip of the tongue, out before he even realizes that it’s not exactly public knowledge, although it does seem that most people know.

                “Then he’s a lucky young man to have you both.”

                “Thank you sir. We’re very proud of him.”

…             …             …

                Tom hasn’t been this amused in a long time as he listens to Bradley moan about trying to instruct a room full of Mavericks and he wonders if it’s karma re-doubled for the stress Bradley causes Mav with his chosen career path. He’s glad his heart is nice and strong, well aware he’d have likely had many heart attacks between the shit that Mav and Bradley get up to.

…             …             …

                Bradley’s working through a backlog of pilots, the Navy wanting to have everyone retrained and he’s asked to visit Top Gun, train the current class and he agrees readily enough, although both Mav and Ice warn him that they might push him harder than the pilots at flight school and Bradley grimaces. It’ll be fine, he can be out stubborn the best, mainly because he’s got Mav and Ice as parents and if anything else they’ve taught him how to deal with aviators who think they know better than him.

…             …             …

                “Class, this is Dr Bradshaw, one of our civilian contractors. He is an expert on MFF, HALO, HAHO, parachute deployment, spin recovery, landing. Since we employed him our fatalities related to parachute deployment have decreased over fifty-percent. What he teaches you here may save your life.”

                The guy is their age, maybe a little older. Jake lets his eyes travel up and up and fuck the guys legs seem endless, and he towers a good four or five inches at least over everyone else in the room. He can’t know as much as they’re letting on, seems far too young to have earnt the deference he’s receiving from the gathered instructors and brass, who are all also apparently sitting in on the lesson. That’s new.

                “Afternoon everyone. Some of you already know me, and will know what I’m about to say. You can call me Bradley, or Bradshaw. I don’t quite stand on the same ceremony as many of you are used to,” Bradley Bradshaw says, and what a fucking joke of a name. One of the brass hides a laugh as a cough and Jake wonders if they’re being pranked.

                “Now, as to why I’m here? For you it’s primarily ejections. You may be lucky to never experience one. But it’s unlikely. If you’re lucky, your ejection will go flawlessly and you’ll walk away with some bruises and a little whiplash. Less lucky, few broken bones and some scars and unable to fly again. Unlucky, you die. I want to stack the odds in your favor, teach you how to turn those potential breaks into bruises, turn what could kill you into something that you’re able to survive.”

                He goes on into more detail, discusses the freefall simulator they’ll be utilizing and he listens with half an ear while he watches the others paying rapt attention.

                “What makes you qualified to teach us?” Jake asks, hopes his tone doesn’t come off as disparaging, because he genuinely wants to know. They’re the best pilots. Surely there’s someone in one of the services with the same level of expertise.

                “You think you’re the first pilot who thinks they know better than me?”

                “I didn’t say you know better, I asked what makes you qualified,” Jake replies firmly.

                The guy nods then, accepts the interruption.

                “I’ve been flying planes for over twenty years, flying solo since I was sixteen. Jumping out of planes since I was eighteen. Got my license to do tandem jumps when I was twenty-one. I remain the youngest person to become a skydiving instructor. I did my bachelor degree in physics and human performance science, then became quite enamored regarding spin recovery and free fall. I was then approached by the Defense Advanced Research Project Agency about doing my doctorate, specially looking further into MFF, HALO and HAHO and also spin recovery. I’ve been teaching at Pensacola, Corpus Cristi, Kingsville, Fort Bragg among others for the last few years.”

                Holy shit.

                “In addition to that I stay up to date with all the safety and health improvements. Continue to study the physics of spins and calculate the best asymmetry to try and achieve to remove from a spin dependent on a variety of variables. I’ve done over ten thousand jumps, put myself into deliberate spins over and over for the sake of science. And yet I’m standing in front of you today, alive, because I know what I’m talking about. Does that help answer your question Lieutenant?”

                “Yes sir. Thank you. I look forward to hearing what you’ve got to teach us.”

…             …             …

                "Mav, have pilots gotten cockier or am I just getting older?"

                "You're definitely getting older," Mav replies, and he's cackling madly.

                "Seems like a prerequisite for the programme. They know they're good..." Ice provides.

                "Ugh. Whole lotta ego in the current batch."

                "More than normal?"

                "Yeah. Well. One guy in particular. He's fucking insufferable."

                "Name?" Ice asks innocently and Bradley laughs but doesn’t say anything.

…             …             …

                Jake Googles him when he gets back to his lodging, clicks through and watches clip after clip of the guy jumping out of a plane. The freefall and spin-recovery ones are the ones which make his heart lodge somewhere in his throat, although he’s not sure why. It’s not like he’s afraid of heights. The guy is good, which he’d already gathered. There’s one filmed crash which he gets up and walks away from which makes his eyes widen, but he’s… interested. Curious. Definitely wants to know more.

…             …             …

                “Sir, do you know anything about a naval aviator with the last name Bradshaw?” Jake asks.

                “Oh… yes. Very tragic what happened to him.”

                “What was that?”

                “He was killed in a training exercise while at Top Gun.”

                “Oh shit…”

                “Language.”

                “Sorry sir. I just, I’ve been talking with Dr Bradshaw, his son I think?”

                “Ah yes, Bradley. There’s an accomplished young man.”

                Jake guesses all the instructors probably know each other, but there’s still a level of familiarity there which isn’t usually present with other civilian contractors.

…             …             …

                “Lieutenant. Can I help you?”

                “You can call me Jake.”

                “Or I can call you Lieutenant.”

                “Sure thing, I mean, I’ll answer to anything you want to call me.”

                Bradley frowns, because otherwise his eyebrows would be up in his hairline. The man’s got balls, he’ll give him that.

                “Just wanted to see if I could tempt you into having a drink with me…”

                Bradley isn’t stupid, knows that far more than a drink is being offered and while he would have taken him up on it ten, hell, five years ago, he’s not really into the one-night thing anymore.

                “Sorry Lieutenant, this isn’t my home base. Neither is the flight school. I actually live in San Diego. How about if you’re ever in North Island you look me up… then we can talk about that drink.”

                He still gives Jake his number, meaning it about the drink, but it’s as gentle a rejection as he can manage.

PART 6

[whats-she-gonna-post-next]

So I just finished binding Trust Life by the absolutely amazing @chaiandsage (Hello, I am ready to be perceived now, I hope that I have done your story even the slightest bit of justice) and I just wanted to make a post both showing it off, and going through what I learned doing this bind because I did a few new things here and want to talk about it.

Also I'm not going to subject you all to this, so most everything but the final product here is going to be below the cut.

(Also so sorry that the photos aren't the best. I am... Very bad at photography, lmao)

Ok, so let's start off with some of the cool things I learned during this bind. Or, maybe not necessarily cool, but they are things I learned and I think that learning is cool!

First off, I learned how to download and add fonts to Microsoft Word, which while not interesting, does open up a whole world of fonts for future binds. Is it a little late in the game to have found this? Probably. But it is what it is. I actually downloaded a pretty good chunk of different ones, but the fonts I actually used were MF Love Dings for the heart motif dividers, which was a new download, and then a few standard fonts - Edwardian Script ITC for the title pages, Baskerville Old Face for the chapter headers, Book Antiqua for the chapter titles, and good old Garamond for the actual text of the novel.

Here is the divider and the title fonts. I just think they are neat.

Another thing I learned was how to make book cloth! I found these squares of white cotton fabric at a dollar tree and decided to give it a go. The way I did mine was by painting them first (a task in and of itself, and as you can see on the cover, did not turn out super even, but I love them nonetheless) and then I glued down a layer of tissue paper to give it a little stiffness and make it stick to the chipboard easier, it was a super cool process and I look forward to trying it again in the future now that I have done it once and have a better idea of how I can improve in the future

And now onto some of the other cooler parts of the process!

So I had a lot of fun doing the formatting, it's my favourite part of any binding process, I cannot tell you how many fics I have formated that I have yet to print out and actually bind because I enjoy the process so much (the answer is actually 5 that are completely formatted and ready to go, 3 that I am actively in the middle of formatting, 4 projects completed - including this one, which... may technically count as 3, granted 2 of them were gifts for other people - and 3 that I am planning on doing that I haven't gotten to start on yet. Oh, and a 5 part series that I have printed out but haven't actually bound yet. I have a problem, lmao.) As I mentioned, I downloaded a few fonts for this but it just ended up looking so good in the end. Here is what some of the inner formatting looks like (I did just take the screenshots from word, I thought it was easier than getting the pages in the book)

Something else! This was the first time I actually broke a single fic into multiple parts, and I do not regret it. Each section is fairly large on its own, so it would have been a monster all together. I gave them basically the same title pages and such, just used the main stories summary for all of them and copy pasted everything - work smarter, not harder - and kept the same format for the chapters and such. There were 2 obvious spots (at least imo) for breaking things up, those being at the end of chapter 24, and then again at the end of 57, if you know, you know. However, that made the divide be 24 chapter, 33 chapter, 9 chapters. I was a little worried about how that divide to affect the look of the books, but I was pleasantly surprised how well it worked out. Book 2 there is quite obviously the largest part (it's basically double the length of book 1) but book 3 was surprisingly long for being only 9 chapters and I think they look fairly cohesive together. I didn't realize how long the last nine chapters themselves were. The first and third ones are actually about the same size together as book two, which is pretty cool!

When it came time to put together the actual books, I stuck with my tried and true french link stitch, as I find it to be a sturdy stitch, and then used green, yellow, and red card stock for the end pages, I felt it thematic.

I'm super excited to have this as a physical book now, thank again to chaiandsage for allowing me to bind this amazing story and just for writing it in the first place! I read it like twice in the span of a month, and I swear I have read chapter 57 and 58 themselves way too many times to count. Not even going to mention the amount of times I read the last 6 chapters because I just love a good happy ending.

But yeah, I'm really happy how this bind turned out, I still have to put an actual cover in these - which I plan on doing, I have a friend who is going to help me with the cover design when they are free, so there will be an update at some point.

[smallnico]

when you made the comic about wyll saying that thing about orin i liked that the him inside his thought bubble didnt have the post-transformation horns and eye. a thoughtful little touch, it made me contemplate the ghost of his character arc (sorry if this is rude to the developers its just how i feel.) i also thought the comic was good overall. thanks ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

AUH NO THANK YOU <333

yeah i'm so glad people noticed and enjoyed that detail!! i love wyll so dearly and i also (with love to larian for everything they Did do) think he suffered a bit from the last-ish minute changes they made to his character. they were necessary changes, and they made him who he is today, but he didn't get as much thorough and layered development as some of the other companions did. he and karlach are both in this camp lmao, and i believe for the same reason. they didn't become who they are until pretty late in the development process, unlike someone like astarion, who's been himself since very early on.

all this to say, i love wyll and i am determined to explore what is there as best as i can, and i fucking love taking little details and pulling them out. wyll is a confident person who outwardly states that 'self-doubt' is one of the most dangerous monsters a person could fight, and he tends to double down on his confident persona every time something happens to rattle that confidence. moments like the tiefling party illustrate this for me very clearly -- if you wander around with him in the emerald grove post-devilification, a lot of key npcs will say to the effect of "wyll, what in the fuck happened to you", or react with fear and uncertainty. they're willing to accept it given any amount of time and thought, but there's not nothing to his worry that people see him as a monster, and of course, he's already been through the trauma of that same snap judgement by his father, so. he puts on a brave face and keeps his distance from the people he fears he makes uncomfortable, because what else are you going to do? enforce your own uncertain presence in front of regular, good people who are just... trying to live their lives? having a good time at a party? they don't want to be scared. you've been working your whole life to try and keep people like them safe so they don't have to feel scared or unsafe. you are getting in the way. this isn't for you. you aren't welcome here. it does no good to argue that point when you could just keep your chin up and leave.

of course, that's sad as hell, are you fucking kidding me? wyll deserves better than that, but he won't accept better because he's not the type to ask for grace or patience from others, and he's from a background where he's not confident he will receive it -- his father's grace is one thing, but think for a second about how he talks about ulder ravengard's personal history as well: ravengard sr. is the son of a tradesman serving a role meant for patriars. i don't doubt that all that comes with its own baggage and passed-down high standards. as soon as ravengard sr. let his guard down, you know a flock of upper-class baldurians was just waiting to tear him apart for it, because you see them do the same thing to gortash even though he's literally mind-controlling several of them. i don't doubt that ulder ravengard instilled in wyll a driving need to not only be better than other men, surer than other men, more dependable, reliable, with more sterling integrity than other men at all costs, remember the words of balduran, memorize the values of the city, love baldur's gate more than other men, be ready to face them and prove these things to them at all times because they are always testing you. it's hard to have the most demanded of you at all times, and it can create the kind of man wyll is: a man who sees self-doubt and hesitation as a monster, worse than a mind flayer or a devil. and he knows from experience (again, from ulder ravengard himself) that flagging for a second, not being able to explain yourself sufficiently to the people around you, is enough to get you cast out and shunned forever.

but it's not possible for a human being to live like that. they're impossible standards for a reason. wyll has a flawless facade of confidence, but he's not immune to self-doubt and angst under the surface, and this comes out when you play as him or investigate some of the details he drops in a regular tav/durge playthrough, and his devil transformation really does shake his confidence. look:

all of a sudden he's using 'i guess' and 'maybe' and 'could' and 'i might', more uncertain language, to say nothing of what he's actually saying. he's been put in a position where he thinks people will never see the wyll underneath again unless he asks it of them, something he has been conditioned to never expect people to do -- if you have to ask, you're not projecting a solid enough image of confidence and skill and good leadership. then there's the sheer body horror and dysmorphia of minding your own business and one day your boss physically transforms you into a monster forever. wyll is trying so hard at any given moment to not let it bother him, but it so clearly does, and it would bother anyone -- but wyll ravengard is supposed to be better than anyone, better than a normal man. he lives inside stories of heroes and hyperbolic idioms, Things One Says about Heroes, because he's never been allowed to be a normal man. he had to sneak out of the house to play hopscotch with lower city kids. to me that says everything. he has been taught to lead an idealized existence free of doubt, but that just means he's gotten very good at hiding his doubts and anxieties, his inconsistencies, his human error. he has so much trouble facing the fact that he also experiences internal conflict, just like anyone.

he spares karlach because she's an innocent, because it's the right thing to do, but he struggles with making that decision because he knows it's going to hurt him, and he refuses for a long time to admit that to himself, much less anyone else, because it makes him feel lesser. it makes him feel like the worst person on the planet to admit that he was afraid for his own life, essentially staring down the barrel of a gun to say no to mizora when faced with an innocent in need of protection, even though he wouldn't dream of even making a good person mildly uncomfortable for two minutes while they get used to the way he looks.

part of my vision for wyll's development is just, him getting a little bolder with the things he says, because we all know he says some out of pocket shit for no reason, and part of why that is so funny to me is because he says those things with all the confidence of a train barrelling forward, because of course he does, he's wyll ravengard, he has to be everything to everyone, he can't do something as human as cringe or twitch an eye and go 'ah. nope, that's not what i meant' when he blurts out something thoughtless, or something that sounded better in his head. i like the idea of turning into a monster being the thing that eventually makes him more comfortable with being human. part of letting your guard down around your friends is saying stuff you think they'd get a kick out of even if it doesn't fit the perfect image of the hero you're trying to be, or saying something that comes out wrong and letting yourself cringe when it wasn't received the way you wanted it to be. letting yourself let go of the idealized version of yourself and trusting your friends enough to know that they won't think less of you for it, because they still know you would rather die than let an innocent person get hurt, even if you do feel scared for yourself in the process.

tl;dr yeah i like to depict wyll slightly awkward and nervous. let the man be a human being and vulnerable for god's sakes he's been through enough. i love him

[boydepartment]

I'm back 😛✌️

I need more angst jayjay if you're up to it 😈

I had this jake request floating around my mind for awhile and then you started My Only Love(read the 1st chapter and loved it btw💕 The noodles in his pocket had me SCREAMING. And that predebut jake photo 🥺🥺) and I felt like it was the right time to send this through

Can you please write Jake breaking up with you?? Like an ugly break up?? Maybe his parents don't approve of your relationship? Maybe it is a fight blown out of proportion?? Maybe he doesn't love you anymore? Maybe he's moving thousand of miles away? Maybe he has to break up with you because he's an idol? Maybe he can't see a serious future with you? Maybe there was some infidelity???

I don't have specifics for the why. You can write whatever you want jayjay I just need you to make me cry 😈😈 please break my heart 🙏🙏🙏🙏

XOXO,

     🧈🧈🧈

a/n: SO THIS WAS KINDA HARD FOR ME BC I REALLY LOVE JAKE AND FBOUEKGJNERKGNEK BUT I TRIED MY BEST!!!! i took the argument too far route 😅

Family Card- Jake Sim x Gn! Reader

MASTERLIST warnings- angst, cursing, jake is kinda mean in this??? but the reader also says things too, i ended up getting carried away during revision! wc- 1k

song- FREE AT LAST by PUP

“What did you really expect to get out of this?”

You looked down at the man who you’ve been dating even before he debuted. His hair was a mess and he leaned against his knees as he sat at the table.

“I expected my boyfriend to actually care when I tell him I want to visit home for a bit.”

Jake looks up at you, his eyes showing his plethora of emotions from the past 15 minutes. You both started getting really fed up with each other when you brought up wanting to take a trip back home… by yourself.

“I can’t believe you want to go without me.” He sounded dumbfounded, scoffing and getting up. This double standard has always frustrated you. Of course, you understood moving with Jake and taking this risk with him. But it bothered you, during his trainee days you were left alone for about a year. You never complained or held it against him. You were okay with secretly dating him, and you were okay with him living in a dorm with his friends. But the one time you wanted to go home by yourself, it was an issue for him.

“I checked your schedule! You are busy the days I want to go home!” You raised your voice slightly, you never wanted to go on a trip without him but sometimes life gets in the way. You and Jake were both well aware of that.

“Then wait until we can both go together!” He flips around, messing with his hair frantically. Both of you were in each other’s personal space.

“Just because you can’t see your family as much as you’d like that doesn’t mean I have to!” You poked his chest, the way his face fell for a split second showed you that you had fucked up.

“Wow.” He steps back from you, the look of anger coming right back. Even though you know you fucked up, you were still going to stand your ground.

“I am so sick… Of bending over backwards for YOUR schedule! No matter what it is, you always leave me last! You changed from the guy I started dating! I went with you to all your auditions, I supported you, I don’t complain about your life style-“

“Then go home and don’t come back if you’re so fucking unhappy with me!” Jake interrupted you; the silence overtook the dim kitchen.

The silence did not stay long, as you started up again, “I can’t even be unhappy with you if you are never fucking here in the goddamn first place!”

“I don’t know why this is MY fault, you knew exactly what you were getting into when you took this leap with me, maybe you were too stupid to think it through.” The man in front of you leaned against the counter, head in his hands.

“I’d say the initial idea itself was kinda stupid.” You crossed your arms mumbling, all you wanted was to go home, “what if you didn’t debut? And your parents just fucking wasted their money on you. You grew up in a privileged household where you could waste money like that for a stupid dream!”

Jake looked up at you again for a split second, “at least I knew what I wanted to do with my life! You haven’t even finished school! All you do is go to college and work like a fucking robot! Sometimes you don’t even feel human to me when I do see you! You have no clear goals in life and maybe if you did you wouldn’t be so fucking unhappy all the time!”

“You’re being mean…” Your voice broke, that strong tone faltering slightly.

Jake not noticing your demeaner falling spoke again, “oh, I’m being mean? Yeah, I’m sure your family is going to be thrilled to see the kid that walked out on them for a guy. At this point they’d probably not even open the door for you, then I would have to clean up your mess.”

You looked down at the floor, you weren’t able to see your socks clearly at all, your tears clouding your vision completely. He knew your family wasn’t keen on you leaving everything for Jake, especially because they knew what you have had to go through the past few years. You didn’t expect him to pull the family card on you, part of you didn’t blame him. You just pulled his family card a few minutes ago. You pulled the fact he gave up everything for his dream, and you let an ugly part of your human emotions take over. Taking a deep breath, you walked to your room. He didn’t follow you. As you packed your bag, you called customer service to try and change your flight back home to as soon as possible.

You were also going to make it a one-way ticket. This argument just solidified more that you weren’t happy with him anymore. Both you and Jake weren’t stupid kids anymore. Now adults, you both grew into two entirely different people. You don’t like the person he made you when you were around him now. You were not the same person you were previously, you felt unkind now. Your heart hated the person you were starting to become.

As you were put on hold Jake walked into your room, “what are you doing?” Hearing his voice sparked that fire in you again. Yet another wave of anger and ugly emotions hit you.

“I’m going home, I’d rather take a chance of them not taking me back than being unloved by you.” You spat and pushed past him; you ignored his calls to you. You ignored Jake trying to get you to come back. You ignored the man who you used to love. The person who loved him previously, who rooted for him, took chances for him, didn’t exist anymore. That person was replaced with you, someone who now felt unlovable and mean. You felt awful after this fight, you knew only time could heal you both. Just not together as a couple, you would have to heal separately.

[avantegarda]

Razzle Dazzle

So it's been like 2 years since I wrote any Silmarillion stories, and like 4 since I wrote anything in my Victorian AU. But for @luthiendear's Luthien Week, I finally am returning to my roots and writing a short that I've been mulling over for quite some time.

Summary: Luthien duBois, Louisiana heiress and hopeless romantic, kickstarts the greatest jewel heist in American history.

---

San Francisco, 1899

The Angband Club

Luthien duBois was a great believer in positive thinking. It had helped her sail through plenty of trouble already, and no matter how terrifying the man in front of her was, she decided to believe her plan would work. It had gotten off to a decent start, anyway; Beren had gone in the day before and got himself hired as a barman, and the rest was in Lulu's hands.

Mr. Morgoth, frequently described as the most evil gangster in America, looked her up and down suggestively and stroked his luxuriant dark mustache. "You're a pretty thing," he drawled. "Only reason I let you in here, really. Tell me, young lady, what can I do for you?"

"I've come looking for work," she replied with a coquettish smile. "Word around town is, you run the finest saloon in this city, with top-notch talent. And I'm an excellent dancer."

"Oh, I can well believe that. But you must understand, miss..."

Lulu dropped into a curtsy. "Call me Nightingale."

"How sweet. You must understand, Miss Nightingale, I have very lofty standards for my employees. Simple talent isn't enough, nor are big eyes and pretty ankles." He set his drink down with a clatter. "Loyalty, miss, and discretion. The same a general might demand of his troops. Behind these doors, there is no law but mine. Have you the strength of character to promise this?"

I have enough strength of character to rob you blind, you old roué, thought Lulu fiercely. But she managed an innocent giggle. "Why, of course, Mr. M! It would be my absolute honor. For you, I'm as well-behaved as a schoolgirl."

"Oh, but I do hope you won't be too well-behaved. I like my girls with a bit of...spice."

Revolting man! "Why don't you let me audition," she purred, "and you'll see just how spicy I can be."

He gestured to the small stage across the room. "Do, please. I cannot wait."

She took a deep breath and pulled the pins from her hair, letting it fall around her like a cloak. "Play something lively," she ordered the man at the piano, and hopped up onto the stage. As the pianist struck up a jolly ragtime tune, she shut out her surroundings and danced.

She'd been trained in ballet, but this wasn't really ballet, not entirely. There were bits of flamenco, some calypso she'd seen on the streets of New Orleans, a hint of Irish jig, and plenty of whatever simply occurred to her in the moment. There was no point in being shy; she did have talent, and it didn't feel like a sin to show it off. Even in this situation.

The song ended at last, and it took a moment to remember she was in a dank gentlemen's club being leered at by a slimy old criminal. She bowed gracefully, trying her best not to shudder in disgust.

"You weren't lying, my dear," Morgoth breathed. "Consider yourself hired. And perhaps I can tempt you to give me a private performance from time to time.

"It would be my pleasure," Luthien lied. "But golly, this is such an honor! We ought to celebrate, don't you think?"

"We certainly should." Morgoth snapped his fingers at the pianist. "Boy! Two brandies, double-quick!"

The pianist- a young fellow with curly dark hair and olive skin-nodded obediently and scurried to the bar, returning with two glasses. Morgoth raised his to Luthien.

"To you, my pretty Nightingale," he said, and drank.

Three...

Two...

One.

Morgoth's dark eyes grew wide and confused, and he let out an undignified burp before slumping to the floor. Luthien sighed with relief as the pianist hurried to her side.

"Nice work," she said. "Where's the real pianist?"

"Out cold behind the dustbins. He'll be fine." Beren glanced down at the unconscious gangster. "What an old pervert," he muttered, shaking his head. "Sorry you had to do that, Lulu."

Luthien, who had been rummaging around in Morgoth's pockets, withdrew her hand with a grin. In it was a tiny silver key. "Don't be too sorry, darlin'. We're halfway there."

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

Michael de Adder

* * * *

“I am not a real doctor, but I play one on T.V.”

November 13, 2024

Robert B. Hubbell

Before sliding back into the news today—which takes us to new levels of absurdity—let’s address the media environment that is beating us down while missing the moment and normalizing the threat of the next administration.

The media is exaggerating the scale of last Tuesday’s loss while ignoring the threat of the incoming administration.

Making it through last Tuesday’s electoral losses has been hard enough without the sanctimonious lectures from major media commentators who paved Trump's way back to the presidency by normalizing him while applying a double standard of hyper-scrutiny to Joe Biden. The authors of those opinion pieces seem to be caught in a feedback loop in which they attempt to outdo one another in piling on the Democratic Party while issuing final judgments on “what went wrong” before the final votes have been counted. Talk about hubris!

We are stuck in a period of hyperbolic criticism that will continue until the next shiny distraction strikes the fancy of the commentariat. The wave of media criticism is an artifact of the clickbait revenue model that has replaced journalism in America.

It is not real. It is an “inside the beltway ‘inside baseball’ for insiders” phenomenon that washes over us like a tsunami—and inevitably affects the mood of Democrats already reeling from the losses. Worse, in their bid to outshine their competing peddlers of doom, members of the commentariat are exaggerating the scale and depth of the losses suffered last Tuesday.

I highly recommend Josh Marshall’s criticism of the hyperbolic media environment and the failure of Democrats and their allies to “call bullsh*t” on the media for its doom-casting. See Josh Marshall, Talking Points Memo, The Aftermath of Competitive Hyperbole.

Josh Marshall writes,

I really have no choice but to say that all of this [doomsaying by the media] is immense and innumerate bullsh*t. This isn’t even a subjective point. What we have is a bout of escalating competitive hyperbole in which the wild overstatement keeps getting ramped up because no one is willing to step up and state the obvious for fear of being shouted down as being in denial . . . .

Without anyone willing to push back, the chorus just keeps moving to more and more over-the-top claims. A party with a bit more self-respect and spine would be less bowled over by claims from the opposition and a press in the habit of portraying Democrats in the most negative terms. But here we are.

Marshall then goes on to explain that an election that was consistently described as “close” (and in which Kamala Harris described herself as the “underdog”) turned out to be close. Very.

As Josh Marshall describes, the election was one of the closest in modern presidential history. Yet, the commentariat describes it as a landslide that has destroyed the Democratic Party. To borrow Josh Marshall’s appropriate phrase in responding to such hyperbolic claims, “Bullsh*t.”

We need to rise above the inane chatter of self-deluding, self-promoting, complicit members of the legacy media and focus on the iceberg slicing through the water toward the Titanic: Trump's impending presidency. As Marshall writes,

The numbers speak for themselves. But why is this such an important point when the real issue is the vast threat of four years of Donald Trump’s presidency?

It is not merely that the commentary by the legacy media pundits is wrong. It is dangerous because it continues the normalization and sane washing of a situation that can only be described as a national emergency.

Ignore the noise and focus on the stakes. You will feel better, and you will help prepare yourself for the battle to come.

Trump begins a bizarre process of naming cabinet and senior officer nominees

As we move into the third day of Trump floating names for cabinet secretaries and senior officer positions, he has returned to his selection method of finding people who have the “looks” to play a cabinet secretary on a television melodrama. Remember his prior picks for initial appointments in 2017? Ryan Zinke (Interior); Rex Tillerson (State); Rick Perry (Energy); Mike Pompeo (CIA); and Betsy DeVos (Education), and “all my generals.” Apart from the generals (who were highly qualified), the Trump cabinet picks who were selected on the basis of their “looks” were unmitigated disasters.

Trump is reportedly choosing cabinet officials by reviewing videos of them during appearances in which they shill for Trump.

Trump has learned nothing from his first term.

Trump nominates Pete Hegseth as Secretary of Defense

At least in 2017 Trump did not stoop to nominating entertainers from morning shows on Fox News. On Tuesday, Trump broke through absurdity barrier by nominating Fox TV personality Pete Hegseth as Secretary of Defense. See HuffPo, Trump Taps Fox News Host Pete Hegseth To Be Next Secretary Of Defense.

The nomination of Hegseth is a joke and an insult to the millions of Americans who serve in the armed forces and the Department of Defense. And to all Americans.

The Department of Defense runs the world’s largest military by a factor of 10. It is the single largest department of the United States government, with over 700,000 employees (not including active duty military personnel, which totals 2.8 million worldwide.) Defense spending accounts of 13% of the US budget.

Hegseth’s primary qualification is that “he looks the part” and plays a doctor, er, newscaster, er, entertainer, er, military veteran on television. He has served in the National Guard on active duty, rising to the rank of a captain in charge of platoon. While that service is laudable, it does not qualify him to lead the world’s largest military. Nor does his service as executive director for Concerned Veterans for America, a lobbying group funded by the Koch brothers.

Hegseth urged Trump to take controversial positions in the prior administration, including pardoning three US soldiers charged with war crimes.

It is doubtful that Hegseth could survive the confirmation process in the Senate. Which is why Trump wants the Senate to go into recess, which would allow Trump to make recess appointments (which do not require Senate confirmation hearings).

Trump nominates South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem to head Department of Homeland Security

South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem has no experience that qualifies her to head the Department of Homeland Security. But as with Pete Hegseth, that is not stopping Trump. He has nominated Noem to lead the department charged with domestic security because she has vowed to help Trump implement his mass deportation policy.

Noem famously sent South Dakota national guard to the Texas border with Mexico to engage in pretend enforcement of US immigration laws—which are under the exclusive jurisdiction of the federal government. See AP News, 5 things to know about Kristi Noem, Trump's pick for Homeland Security secretary.

Trump says he will name Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy to fictional Department of Government Efficiency

During his campaign, Trump floated the idea of placing Elon Musk in charge of a fictional “department of government efficiency.” Today, his campaign announced that Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy would head the yet-to-be-created Department of Government Efficiency, which will make recommendations to cut the budget. The timeframe for the report from the fictional department to complete its work is 18 months.

The entire exercise is a publicity stunt that will fail, spectacularly. The recommendations will land with a thud as campaigning for the 2026 midterms is getting underway. Every recommended cut will threaten a constituency within the voting population or within the GOP dark money ecosphere.

The yet-to-be-created department will have no role in the budgeting process, which is controlled by the Constitution, Congress, the Office of Management and Budget, and hundreds of federal laws and regulations. In the end, any “recommendations” from the committee will require congressional approval.

So, it is the worst of all worlds for Musk and Ramaswamy. They will make controversial, unpopular recommendations that will likely never make it out of committee in the House.  Sadly, major media is reporting on the committee as if it is meaningful. It is not.  The most that the timid NY Times could muster was to say that the proposal “is uncertain in seriousness.”  It is beyond uncertain. It is a publicity stunt and a joke.

Trump may sign an executive order creating commission to force senior generals to retire

The president, as commander in chief, has the authority to dismiss generals in his discretion. But exercise of that power is rare and is exercised by the president in his capacity as commander in chief.

Per reports, Trump's transition team is preparing an executive order to create a “board” of retired military personnel to “review” senior generals and make recommendations for forced retirements. Per the Wall Street Journal, a general identified by the board must retire in thirty days. See WSJ, Trump Draft Executive Order Would Create Board to Purge Generals.

The executive order would be a significant shift in how the president manages the senior officers in the military. It is not clear whether Trump will sign the executive order but it seems likely—given that his team has leaked it to the media.

The board will be a negative development but likely ineffective. It will be difficult to affect short-term change in military leadership. There are currently 653 generals in the military, with 44 four-star generals. The senior military leadership is professional and loyal to the Constitution. Trump may be able change the personnel at the top (to a degree), but he will not be able to change the loyalty of the military to the Constitution.

Concluding Thoughts

I am hearing from readers worried about the future leadership of the Democratic Party. That fear seems to be driven from the spate of articles that predict the demise of the Democratic Party because it lost a presidential election by about one percentage point (on average, nationally). We can’t allow the media to undermine our confidence. And declaring a leadership crisis in the Democratic Party less than a week after the party lost a presidential election is clickbait journalism.

Any objective evaluation of the leadership in the Democratic Party would conclude that it is filled with promising leaders for a generation or more. I won’t go through the exercise of naming the dozen who come to mind—because I will receive emails correcting me for omitting other promising leaders. But think of rising stars among governors, in the Senate, in the House, in Biden’s cabinet, and in state legislatures.

Here's the good news: Not one of the rising stars would surrender their principles and morals to an aspiring dictator as have hundreds of Republicans in Congress and state government.

In 2026 and 2028, our problem will be choosing among talented, principled men and women who are qualified to lead our nation forward.

So, let me return to where I began: Don’t let the doom-casting of the commentariat get you down. Yes, the Democratic Party has issues to address, but the last people to advise the Democratic Party are the opinion writers and journalists in the legacy media who normalized Trump during the campaign and are normalizing the threat of his incoming administration.

We have a lot of work to do. Rejoin your grassroots groups in community and solidarity as soon as you can. While the members of Trump's new administration struggle with security clearances, worry about computer access and passwords, and try to figure out where the restrooms are, we should already be working on 2026.

That’s it for the evening! Talk to you tomorrow!

[Robert B. Hubbell Newsletter]

[blue-rose-soul]

Always happy to oblige,i personally tought the line was a little cheesy but, hey i'm not wrong!

But about changing alastor's powerset,if you think about it, is perfectly possible to, well not exactly change, more like expand his powerset just by looking at one of his principals (or so i believe) motifs: the Wendigo.

Because seriously the skinny long body,the canibalism,even the deer motif that they have been gaining in the last decades,the inspiration looks pretty clear to me! Not only that but i always thought that,everytime that i look at the image of one they always seem to cast an aura and atmosphere that darkens and cools their surroundings making everything seem ...dead, which seems exactly the opposite of the aura that Hazbin Lucifer brings, his powers always seems to make everything brighter,warmer and livelier.

So for me, as Alastor becomes more powerful, his powers(dark,cold,death,profanity) seem like a reflection and perversion of Lucifer's(light,warm,life,holiness) seems like the perfect idea. Not only that but even without the deer motif,wendigos are always depicted almost like twisted corpses suffering from frostbite,which drives even more the thought that without lucifer's light to guide him, Alastor lost himself to the cold evils of humanity and allowed it to twist him into a monster.

Gahhhh! I can pratically see the fatherly angsty RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!!!

Al's really going hard for that "rebel angsty yougest son" prize isn"t he?

To be perfectly honest, I don't like associating Alastor with the w*ndigo. That being belongs to the Algonquin-speaking people, and it's not just some random scary monster. It's an actual religious figure. And a dangerous one at that.

But even if that weren't the case, it simply doesn't fit Alastor's background. Alastor is a mixed race Louisiana Creole man. His ancestors would have come to the United States from France or Spain or have been brought over as slaves. The Algonquin people, on the other hand, consist of several different groups who all historically lived in northern parts of the modern United States and eastern Canada. While Alastor could have had some Native American ancestry, it likely would have been from a different group altogether, not one of the Algonquin groups.

And while w*ndigo are popularly depicted in modern media as having antlers or being a deer-like monster, that's really more of a misconception. It resembles a sort of walking dead, gaunt, with ice for a heart or else entirely wrapped in ice.

So, to sum things up, the w*ndigo is:

Not my culture.

Not Alastor's culture.

Not a deer.

And, yeah, I'm aware that there's a bit of a double standard here, given Alastor's depicted as a vodou practitioner. I had him grow up Catholic for a reason, although since the vodou is a part of his established character, as well as the culture he would have grown up with, I don't want to cut it out entirely.

All that said though, I am leaning heavily into the parallels of light and dark, creation and destruction with Alastor and Lucifer. It's like Alastor's a symbol of everything the elders of Heaven expect Lucifer to be. Alastor would hate being called the 'rebel angsty son' but it's absolutely 1000% true! Guess he and Luci have something in common after all.

[snorkling-in-sodasea]

Establishing Couples in Hazbin: Stolitz Season 1

Finally got around to this. I decided to make this post just season one and save the post for season two until January, when season two should be over, if that schedule's right. But it's just amazing how much material I got to work with in just one season in how much of a mismatched pair they are. I think I'll split this topic up in a post per season, in fact, because of the sheer amount of what I got to work with. Also, I'll be bringing up at some points of my post the whole 'Stolas is autistic' thing that plenty of fans like to go with; I'd like to say that I don't mean any insults to anyone when I mention it. And I don't know if this will amount to anything but it might be important to inform you all that I myself actually am autistic. Also, I'll probably derail a little bit here and there because I'm a spontaneous typer here. Now for anyone and everyone okay with a Stolitz/Stolas roasting, let's get started.

I might as well go in order of appearances that Stolas and Blitz make together, including phone calls. That's probably good because the only interaction that they have in the pilot (maybe the pilot's non-canon but, as far as I know and feel, it's selective which parts of a pilot are canon and which ones aren't) The phone call was funny to me at the time but that was probably before Stolas's woobifying process or whatever it's called. (Yeah, there's bound to be people who don't like that type of humor but at least it was for sure a joke instead of a back and forth double standard kind of bullshit). Still, Blitzo showed how much he didn't like it, even getting Loona's help for it

2. Starting up the series proper, there's Murder Family. Specifically, the scene when Blitzo is being hunted down by Martha and a little detail when he's talking to Mayberry.

First up, Blitzo has an alarm system for his employees to intervene when something gets too much for him. One of the buttons is for Stolas. For. STOLAS. As in, Blitzo would press that button if Stolas was there and made him feel too uncomfortable and/or unsafe thanks to this damn owl.

Then there's the bigger scene with being chased down by Martha. Stolas is watching Blitzo through the bubbles. He can see what's happening. His arm wound is even visible to Stolas. Even if not, it can't be that hard to figure out something's wrong when the person you're calling is whispering 'now's not a good time'. This damn owl decides none of that matters and makes a phone call. This is the biggest damning moment that all those claims that Stolas didn't realize what he was doing really does become impossible, or at the very, very, very least, get so improbable that it's almost impossible. (Although for the second thing, I still don't get how so I'm probably giving this too much credit by even entertaining the thought)

Anyways, I'll get into more detail about this specific moment because it's relevant for Apology Tour but, should I watch the bathtub scene, I can't see how Stolas is completely oblivious to what he's doing. Especially if Stolas initially let Blitzo just have the book at first and would still have ensured contact if Stolas bothered to just flex his social position and go wherever he wants, whenever he wants. It's not like Viv gives Stolas a lot of responsibilities in the show anyways. (Seriously, the Full Moon Festival in episode 5 and the paperwork in a fucking music video, which people can easily miss if they're not compelled to watch it, is literally the only two times we ever see Stolas do anything resembling a job). I can't see any reason whatsoever as to why this just had to be sexual

There's also the part that Stolas managed to talk for hours without Blitzo ever responding back to him. I would have expected someone who loved me to eventually want to know if I'm listening to him and ever say something to them sometimes, especially over a fucking phone call. Yet Stolas just went on and on and, considering he purposely picked when Blitzo was being shot at to propose the sex deal. That says to me that Stolas is so focused how horny Stolas himself is that he can't even be bothered to see if Blitzo made it out the whole 'being-shot-at' thing alive so that Blitzo can fuck him at a later date

3. Next is Loo Loo Land. To be honest, I loved this episode when it came out but, just like the phone call in the pilot, this was before the woobifying and this was the first time Stolas has done his disgusting shit. As a result, I didn't think about it that hard and I didn't expect Stolas to keep repeating his mistakes since you normally expect fictional characters to mess up in a certain way once and never again. If it is going to happen again, then it either needs to build up to something or be executed differently than the first time.

Anyways, Stolas was being yelled at by Stella, looking like it was for the cheating. Eventually, that specific fight comes to pass and Stolas tries to talk to Octavia. He gets the idea to go to an amusement park she used to love but makes it obvious that she has no desire to go now that she's a teenager. I heard that someone made the argument that, believing Stolas to be autistic, it meant that he couldn't tell that Octavia didn't want to go because she's a sarcastic teenager and sarcasm is hard to tell apart from sincerity and Stolas rarely interacts with anyone. I'm not buying that. I'm not saying it's impossible but it's highly improbable. It's incredibly rare for anything to truly be impossible so things are just improbable depending on what you're talking about. So I find it highly improbable that a thirty-something year old man would still not recognize that Octavia isn't excited to go, autism or not. Even if you can't tell by words, you can at least tell by attitude and demeanor so Stolas still should've been able to tell, especially by the time he reaches adult age. (Sorry, ended up going off on a tangent but the next paragraph shows that I felt the need for extra context and I provided that to some degree)

Besides, autism or not, it's still a damn stupid plan that Stolas has. He seems to want to have Blitzo there to flirt with at any moment he pleases and to have a happily distracted daughter that he can sometimes give attention to, because at least the first time ends up happening. Thing is, considering what has made Octavia so upset in the damn first place, then Stolas wasn't going to accomplish or obtain both things that he wanted, especially in the way that he tried. It's obvious in how it failed for Octavia but it failed with Blitzo, too. Stolas simply didn't have to deal with that like he had to deal with Octavia because it's her who reached her limit, not him. Still, how it failed with Blitzo is that he was not receptive to the the touches and he didn't look happy at any point of time. What's more, it's a bit of evidence that goes into Blitzo's ultimate feelings as revealed in Full Moon

4. Next is Harvest Moon Festival, starting with Blitzo and Stolas having sex in his palace, mansion, whatever. The point is - and this is another tangent about something else entirely so feel free to skip this paragraph if you want - it's Octavia's home, not just Stolas's, and Stolas is still having sex with the guy she's afraid would leave him behind. Maybe Stolas thinks that Octavia is fine with him having sex with Blitzo because she's reassured that he won't abandon her. Except it comes off as disrespectful towards her if Stolas is continuing his affair in their shared home because he thinks everything's hunky-dory now that they had all that crap in Loo Loo Land sorted out and it'll never be a problem again. (Considering how little Octavia shows up in the series, only ever showing up for extra angst on Stolas's part, then maybe it somehow really isn't a problem. It's not like the characters are typically written like how people logically react to specific shit, anyways.)

Anyways, Blitz only ever looked happy talking to Stolas when thinking about going to the Harvest Moon Festival, something that he easily could've heard from Millie or even Moxxie. So it's not like Stolas was all that special in this instance of anything resembling happiness in Stolas's presence. Not to mention, Blitzo immediately gets to a more agitated state when he feels the need to tell Stolas to not get kinky with him. It's kind of telling that Blitzo legit feels the need to tell him that. Like he can't trust Stolas to restrain himself otherwise

After all, Stolas is already so fucking horny just by watching Blitzo. Blatantly sending flirtations to him in the audience, announcing him the winner with the not preferred name which pretty much embarrassed him, and it got to the point where Blitzo didn't want to stick around much longer if there's gonna be nothing but a thirsty-ass owl on stage. Blitzo couldn't make his discomfort any more obvious throughout the entire time he's at the games, should it come up, so Stolas has to be willfully ignoring all of it or is the stupidest fucker in all of their universe to not notice anything wrong

5. After this is Truth Seekers, when Stolas came in to rescue I.M.P. He started it off with 'impish, little plaything'. No matter what the reason he had for saying it, it's a demeaning phrase specifically pointing out race so how else is Blitzo supposed to see it? Does Stolas genuinely think it's a cute, little pet name?

Then there's Stolas actually chewing out Blitzo for getting in trouble with D.H.O.R.K.S. Stolas is the one who has been watching for who knows how long and just let them handle it until they couldn't. If Stolas is gonna let I.M.P. deal with the against the agents and take his time helping, if he's gonna do it at all, then it feels like he's in the wrong for chastising them. Even though I probably can't explain that very well, Stolas definitely doesn't have the right to lecture Blitzo about carelessness when he's the one who just lends the all important grimoire for sex. If anything, Stolas is a hypocrite for getting upset about carelessness when lending out the book for sex to an imp is its own brand of carelessness. After all, the damn book is supposed to be Stolas's responsibility and no one else's. The point is, Stolas is basically blaming Blitzo for something that's more Stolas's fault than anyone else's and it's not good for their 'relationship' if Stolas's go to thoughts for anything wrong is that it's all entirely Blitzo's fault and that Stolas himself never contributed to any of it. Let's not forget how Stolas just touches Blitzo however he wanted and Blitzo just glares. I also read or heard a good point somewhere that Blitzo doesn't protest but still looks unhappy, highly likely because he gave up trying to establish boundaries. He knows that Stolas won't listen. I thought initially that Blitzo knew that he's in trouble with Stolas so he just takes whatever Stolas wants to do to him because protesting against it just makes him more upset. What I thought was sad but giving up establishing boundaries because you know they won't be respected is even sadder

Finally, Stolas asks for a reward for saving Blitz. That's so as fuck not a thing that 'kind' people do. Kind people don't even think about an award for what they do. At best, they just wish to not be given an attitude by the people they attempt to help. People who genuinely love another person also don't expect anything from the person they love to give any awards; it's already award enough to see them happy and well. Stolas doesn't refuse the offer for sex, either, so that's another thing against him for that 'relationship' he wants later down the line

Oh, and I guess there's the trip that Blitzo ended up going on thanks to the truth serum. Particularly the part where he sees Stolas being on his fancy-ass throne and pulling Blitzo by the chains and collar. Wouldn't be surprised if he feels trapped. Really, the only 'romance' that be detected as if you had kink or a fetish for, at best, dubiously consensual situations. But for an actual relationship, I doubt it's normal for someone to feel trapped and needing to serve the other. Stolas's actual actions after the trip is bound to not have helped that perception in the slightest, either

6. Finally, there's Ozzie's. Blitz first thinks of using Stolas to get into Ozzie's to spy on Millie and Moxxie. (So weird how no one ever brings this up when holding Blitzo accountable for what he did to Stolas. Other than seducing him for the book and stealing it, this is the only other thing that comes to mind on the actual shitty things Blitzo did to Stolas). Blitzo never worded it like he wanted to go on a date, though. He just asked to go to a club. It was Stolas who decided to interpret it that way. It is douchey for Blitzo to never correct it because it's apparently that important for him to not even give Millie and Moxxie a single night to themselves (I really hate that this never amounts to anything)

Things get bad, though, when the heat is on Blitzo and, by extension, Stolas when Blitzo tried defending Moxxie. Not only did Stolas never do a single, solitary thing to defend Blitzo when he was being harassed like how Millie did for Moxxie but there was a point where Stolas legitimately tried to run away. Then, of course, the well-known menu scene.

You see, everyone brings up the menu scene, and it is important, but it's also important to point out how Stolas hid his face behind the menu because Ozzie pulled him back in his seat and didn't let him run. Yeah, Blitzo never saw the 'trying-to-run-away' part but, considering Apology Tour and the crap Stolas says in the beginning, that whole thing here is important. Seriously, Stolas may be said that he's a pacifist, but the writing obviously goes too far and makes Helluva's Stolas seem like a coward who will undoubtedly make his 'loved ones' suffer just for the sake of taking the path of least resistance. Because this Stolas only ever cares about taking the easy way out in any given crisis

Finally, when Blitzo drops Stolas off at his mansion. Stolas has the freaking sheer stupidity to try inviting Blitzo in after Blitzo's obviously in a bad mood. Again, Stolas has to be socially braindead to witness how the evening went for Blitzo and still think it's appropriate to spend time with him, especially after mentioning that Octavia's with her mom. Really, Stolas already seems socially inept to not pick up that Blitzo's struggling not to cry and at least stop trying to invite him in. God, it's annoying to recall how shocked Stolas looked when Blitzo called him out for their relations with each other because it's like, 'how is this a surprise to you? It's not like Blitzo was ever not direct about how things are'. But yeah, even when Stolas is 'kinder', he's still not considerate, what with witnessing his loved ones being bullied right in front of him and still trying to carry on like things can still be fun in the end

The cherry on top is when Blitzo is looking at the pictures in his phone. He's so much happier with Fizzarolli, Verosika, and Barbie and Tilla. Stolas, though? Blitzo may be smiling but he also looks tired. What's more, Stolas is asleep.

As in, literally the only time in the entire show that I can think of that Blitzo is smiling in Stolas's presence is when Stolas himself is asleep.

And yeah, I'm going up all the way to Apology Tour. The photo that Blitzo secretly took of himself and Stolas is literally the only time I know of where Blitzo is actually happy when Stolas is nearby and he's fucking sleeping.

Seriously, how sad is that? That the only time your partner is even remotely happy around you is when you're not talking to each other or interacting with each other in any shape or form or when you're not even awake to look at them? And again, Blitzo looks tired as he smiles so that means, even at the height of happiness that Stolas brings him, Blitzo will just be too drained to properly enjoy it

*

And that's all the interactions that Stolas and Blitzo had together in the first season, including the pilot. At least, what comes to memory, because I'm already rewatching episodes for rewrite fanfics and I don't want to do it for more than I already do.

Anyways, just by the first season and even the pilot alone, there's no grounds for even a decent relationship, let alone a good one. For the most part, Stolas keeps doing whatever the fuck he wants and Blitzo looks pissed off by all of it. In turn, Blitzo only cares about what he can get from Stolas, he never shows any interest in Stolas himself. I guess to Stolas's credit, as little as he can be given and as undeserved it might be, Stolas did try some small talk to really get to know Blitzo, even if it's extremely surface-level. (Although it's probably not good that it took seven episodes for Stolas to ever even try surface-level learning about Blitzo, given that the first season is eight episodes)

Even with just that, it's already shitty for a relationship because one party really is just being treated like a plaything by the other. And to think, season 2 manages to make everything worse... until next time, when that season's finished

[wisteria-cherry]

forty days and forty nights (day eleven!)

(double header)

(read them all here!)

you were tired.

last night was one of those nights where you couldn’t sleep, no matter how tired you were. you ended up staying on your phone quite a bit before finally deciding to take a melatonin gummy at 3am. bad move. you’d been tired all day. usually you’d perk up at least a little when bakugo came in, excited to see your friend again, but alas, his presence had minimal effect.

“you look dead.” bakugo stated bluntly as you rung up his coffee.

“mm.” you didn’t bother with words. he studied your expression closely.

“add another coffee.”

“hm..?” you look up, not quite registering what he’d said. bakugo tched and looked away.

“i said add another damn coffee to my bill.”

“ok, what kind?” you ask in a somewhat monotonous voice that would be sure to earn you a scolding if your boss were here.

“whatever you normally get, i don’t fuckin’ know.” it took you a second to realize that he was buying you a coffee, but when you did, you immediately protested.

“oh, no, i can’t let you do that.” you say quickly, waking up instantly.

“why not? ‘s’it against the rules or some shit?” bakugo retorted, knowing damn well that it wasn’t.

“no, but..”

“so ring up the damn coffee.”

“i’m fine, i don’t need coffee.”

“you look tired as hell. if you’re not gonna accept the coffee ‘cuz it’s comin’ from me, accept it ‘cuz you give shitty customer service when you’re tired.”

“i do not..!”

“the only things you said before i asked for another damn coffee were just mumbling.”

“you mumble too.”

“i’m the fucking customer, i can do that if i wanna.” bakugo scowled. “just take the goddamn coffee!”

“fine.” you agree finally and reluctantly. “but just a small.”

“good.” bakugo huffed, satisfied. “how much? you (again, very reluctantly) rung him up and he paid for it via cash.

“i’m paying you back,” you warned.

“like hell.” bakugo tched.

“i am.” you insist.

“good luck.” was his reply, complete with an amused snort. he sat down as you gave him his coffee and began to make your own.

“…the hell did you do to get so tired?” bakugo asked after a few minutes of silence.

“i couldn’t sleep last night,” you admit, opting to leave out the melatonin aspect of it, lest he make fun of you.

“that’s stupid.” you couldn’t tell whether he meant it as a sympathetic agreement or he was just straight up telling you that you were stupid for not being able to go to sleep. knowing him, it could be either one, so you simply agreed with him.

“yeah. so how was work today?” you ask instead. he rolls his eyes.

“you’re not gonna fuckin’ believe it.” he grumbled.

“sidekicks still not meeting your atrociously high standards?” you raise an eyebrow.

“it’s not atrocious, it’s common fucking sense! you beat the villain’s ass and you do the report. it’s not that fuckin’ hard.” bakugo frowned deeply, thoroughly annoyed.

“is it really that simple?” you ask curiously. surely it’s more complicated.

“yeah, well, there’s more to it, but that’s the basic premise.” bakugo looked away, glaring at nothing in particular.

“i’m sure.” you take a sip of your coffee. it definitely hit the spot, and, despite your annoyance at bakugo buying you coffee even though you said no, you were happy he did it.

“thanks for the coffee.”

“whatever. just don’t expect shit like this every day or something.” bakugo replied, frown deepening, before adding for good measure, “dumbass.”

“if i’m a dumbass, what does that make you?” you ask amusedly.

“the best.” bakugo answered firmly. “i’m the number one hero.” you were too tired to argue, so you nod with that faux interest that people usually show towards little kids when said kids are rambling and the people either aren’t paying attention or don’t understand.

“quit givin’ me that look.” he snapped.

“okay, bakugo.”

“and quit sounding so damn smug!”

“okay, bakugo.”

“stop saying that!”

“…okay, baku-“

“i’ll kill you.”

“what am i supposed to say to that?” you ask, taking another sip of your coffee. it was amazing.

“nothing, that’s the point.” bakugo responded. “shut up and drink the damn coffee.”

“you first.”

“getting sassy, huh?” bakugo narrowed his eyes, resting his arms on the counter and leaning forward. “don’t fuck with me, y’hear?”

“loud and clear, sergeant.”

“it’s not atrocious, it’s common fucking sense!”

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