#am i like. disabled enough for that

[stardust-solstice]

Ok look this is just going to be a long post of me lamenting about the ways my body makes life hard for me so if you don't want to read then by all means, skip by, I won't mind. I won't even know.

Tonight I was thinking. About how... whatever the hell my body has going on has affected me.

I still don't know what's wrong. I'm diagnosed with hypermobility arthralgia (joint pain due to hypermobility) but I really don't feel like that's all. The ways I am in pain just don't seem to line up with that fully. Does hypermobility make me feel like I need to pop my hip joint out of the socket to properly stretch it? Does hypermobility make my knees occasionally threaten to give out under me? Does hypermobility make me unable to stand comfortably for more than 15-30 minutes at a time?

I dont know. That's the issue.

Whenever I have Flare up days, or just,,, hours, I think about it. Am I really disabled? Or am I just not pushing myself as hard as I can be?

Then I think back to my last job. My reasons for leaving are varied, but one of the main things was I couldn't handle the pain of standing for four hours at a time with only a single 15 minute break. But... I look at my sister. She goes through 6-8 hour days and comes back in the same state as I'm in after only four.

Am I doing something wrong?

I dont know. But I still stand by that being a good decision. Leaving the job, I mean. It really made me realize... I'm not where I thought I was in terms of physical ability. The only reason im able to do as much as I can right now is because I've found ways to accommodate myself to the best of my ability. For example, using an electric bike instead of a manual one.

But realizing that also made me think... how am I going to make it when I'm an adult?

I'm going to college next year. And on top of the usual worries of, am I going to be able to afford it, what major am I going into, where am I going, etc, I also have to worry--will I be able to comfortably live on my own? Will I be able to find a fitting job so I can pay for college in the first place? What if I can't? What then?

I've chosen computer science as a theoretical major, because biology fell out (unrelated reasons). I think it's a good choice for me, for a lot of reasons, but also because most, if not all, compsci jobs are mostly done sitting down. I've already established that standing for long periods of time is hard for me, so a job field where I can sit is appreciated.

That doesn't solve the current issues, though. I want to earn money for personal stuff now, before it all has to go to college. And I kind of need to graduate before I can really get a substantial compsci job. So I need to find something earlier.

What do I do then? Now?

My city has a right to sit law now, but I don't know how to use that to my advantage when it comes to jobs. Not to mention, interviews haven't gone very well in the past, during the random strings of motivation to find a job I get. Then I get something bad happening and I stop.

I've been trying to earn money through my art, but it's near impossible. I don't know how to advertise it well, and for Years it's felt like to me that people online just don't like my art.

But I digress.

I... don't know how to end this, so this will have to do. I'm tired now--it's already 30 minutes past my bedtime, and the only reason im still awake is I was waiting to see if the painkiller I took would help with the Flare up (the answer is not really). So I'll be going to bed now.

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[ratbastarddotfuck]

if you're a white person taking pleasure in the idea that Trump voters of colour are experiencing racist violence from white trumpers because "they got what's coming to them" I don't think you're anti-racist at all, I think you were just waiting for an acceptable target, and you're also fucking weird.

Bad Person Deserves Punishment For Their Sins give me a fucking break and get yourself out of the fucking catholic church. you're all prison abolitionists until you see someone you don't like.

[naamahdarling]

You know what? You know what I think?

I think that if we lived as we were meant to, in larger intimate ("extended family") groups and with more shared labor and time to do it (UBI NOW) people like me would not feel so useless and burdensome because there would be people around to help and to do what neurodivergent people can't while making valuable space for the neurodivergent to do what they ARE good at.

The way we live right now, all right, the way we live right now forces units of two adults to be able to do EVERYTHING or PAY to have someone come do it for them. I have to do the housework. I have to do it! But I am having to do a million different things and most of them I am not good at. I suck at them.

I wouldn't feel like shit, okay, if I had more than one other person around who was not a child and who could do the things I can't, like do the yard and cook and do repairs and basic maintenance; and someone else to split everything else that I like but is too much for me. It would free me to do what I am good at and enjoy. Cleaning, as in the sink and toilet, the windows, the blinds. Taking out trash. Folding, hanging, and sorting laundry.

But because all the shit I can do often relies on other shit being done first, and I can't do or have trouble doing those things, the shit I can do often can't be done. And even the shit I can do, I can't do ALL of it. So I can't keep up, and things get very bad.

We aren't meant to live like this. We are not meant to live like this.

That thought hurts so much because being able to flee the birth family is integral to survival for so many people. I'm so afraid that living in larger family groups would create more opportunities for, say, queer kids to be isolated, rejected, bullied, and abused. But if we gave people enough money to survive, and stopped considering children the property of their parents with no system in place to help them escape bad situations except a system that is often just as bad, just different.

I'm aware that communes and collectives aren't all that successful and are kind of a joke. I don't mean that. I mean a fundamental shift to multigenerational families where taking in "strays" (which my family did) is also normalized so people escaping abuse into existing households was accepted, with these families centered in maybe a couple of different larger residences so not everyone has to buy and maintain their own fucking washing machine and vacuum cleaner, and so people can benefit from large group meals that yield leftovers, and so child and elder care can also be centralized.

Then disabled people and the neurodivergent and sick and injured people, and pregnant people, and grieving people, would not have to either labor through all those stressors or consign themselves to living off an unlivable pittance or being put under legal guardianship.

I'm not saying anything new. People live like this in other parts of the world and maybe it sucks and I am wrong. But I'm just really mad right now because I can either do laundry or clean the sink but not both, and I really think we could improve society somewhat by making it so I did not have to choose one without sacrificing the other.

[sonknuxadow]

it's really weird to me the way people have been talking about maria lately.... like i know maria wasnt the most developed character in her earlier appearances and she also didnt get to have a normal childhood experience but seeing people say she has no personality and has no joy or whimsy or never got to be a kid at all makes me wonder if im the only person whos actually been paying attention to maria this whole time...???? like do people think she was a sad miserable kid who never got to have fun because of her disability or something ? because that is quite literally the opposite of who she was

and people are being weirdly ableist about it too like talking like her illness is the reason for all those traits she supposedly lacks. implying disabled people cant be happy or have fun or whatever. like come on man

[starheirxero]

Doesn’t it feel cruel to force this disability onto Earth, though?

See, I understand where you're coming from when you say this. She has to adjust to a life where tons of opportunities have been taken from her and where she can't do as much as she used to. We have to watch her grieve what could have been and what never will be and it sucks to see someone suffering when they didn't deserve it.

But that's kinda the thing, like. She isn't disabled because she "deserved it", disability isn't like... a punishment. It isn't cruel to be disabled. It's something that just happens, whether from an accident or from birth or from getting old. It's fine to feel cheated, or that it's unfair, or any other thought about it because it really does feel that way sometimes. But... idk, you've just worded this question in a way that deeply irks me and I can't place it.

I think, this is a matter that runs deeper than what you're asking. I feel like Earth having chronic pain and using mobility aids is not only deeply important for some able-bodied folks to see but also for disabled folks who relate and connect with her. Taking the "oh no your disability is disabling you!! let's fix it and get rid of it right away" approach would be fucking awful rep and would undoubtedly feel like a kick in the teeth to those who have her same struggles right now.

Real life disabilities like this don't really get magic fixes like that. They can't switch bodies and get rid of their pain. They can't get repairs and never have to worry about it again. Even in a magical-scifi world like tsams, it then becomes a weird implication that disability doesn't exist in an advanced world and therefore disability is only an issue for the less advanced or something, yk? It's just. It's not really about "forcing disability on Earth." It's more nuanced than that.

[thepoisonroom]

can i make a post about being irritated by antimaskers as a disabled person without annoying people trying to condescendingly explain accommodations for my disability to me! btw!

[cy-cyborg]

I went to my prosthetist's clinic this week to pick up my leg (the knee needs to be sent off once a year to be serviced to maintain the warranty) and my prosthetist asked if there was anything he could do to help me use my prosthetics more - basically making sure my reasons for not using them weren't something easily fixed.

The serious answer was that we've tried everything both of us could think of and I'm just at the point where the pros aren't outweighing the cons anymore, and im honestly ok with that.

The less serious answer is I would absolutely take that back and push through with the prosthetic if he made my legs look like dragon or even faun legs, but prosthetic component manufacturers are boring and have no imagination and boring human legs aren't fun enough to keep my attention lol.

[moe-broey]

Taking a rest day but I have to doodle at least a bit, and. Currently agonizing over if Moe should also be equipped w the Breidablik for loadbearing canon lore reasons. Which, I have MANY grievances about, from "Gee Moe why do you get TWO weapons this isn't a main series title where you can do that" to "Moe is A STAFF USER. FULL STOP. ALWAYS HAS BEEN." to "oh fucking god I do NOT want to learn How To Draw That."

But. Looking at the artbook. I had a Vision

Very minimal mockup but. That little thing, there. You could put a keychain on that. You could put little charms on that. You could. You could...

[gideonisms]

Once again frustrated by how Difficult it is to do very basic tasks

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

sometimes I’m reminded that this website forgets that there are in fact people who do not in fact have tons of disposable income lying about

[pastelaspirations]

Heeey... Hi... How's it been going, hahah... Me? Oh, yeah, I've been fine, just uh. Functionally dead and uh. Not having a g r e a t time-

Why?? Well. Let's make this as short as possible.

My October was completely full of school assignments and I was drowning

During fall break, my mom's cousin came over to our house and knocked a 48 inch hole in my bedroom wall in search of a water leak that didn't exist. It's a long story-

I discovered a professor that my brother was close to passed away. It hit me kinda hard and I haven't been feeling great

My car started having lots of issues. Shuddering, check engine light turning on, the whole works. Got it repaired, cost $1000

I'm stressed about the holiday season coming up 'cus I haven't shopped for anyone at all and I have to entertain family members that I might rather n o t (This is all without mentioning finals coming up)

So. U h. Yeah. Haven't been having the best time. B u t. It's fine, it's great. I'm actually getting therapy soon. :D And not occupational therapy, or physical therapy, since I GOT TO DO THOSE TOO-

N a h. It's the "getting a phone call at 9 in the freaking morning to confirm an appointment for behavioral health." W h o o p e e.

A h e m. Sorry. Anyway. I'm good. I'm fine. Have a picture of the Beast that I should have freaking done for chapter 38, but was too lazy and didn't get around to it. So, how have you guys been doing. Participated in Inktobertale and having a good time, I hope-

[extreme-dyke-syndrome]

Do I have hEDS or "just" HSD?

And other questions that make me hate myself. (I am so fucking tired)

[greater-than-the-sword]

I need someone to tell me that im not stuck here and things are going to get better. Also they have to know what they're talking about

[dinkbear]

what is it about using a mobility aid that makes people forget you’re human? 🤔

[saturncoyote]

THANK YOU FOR BEING WEIRD ABOUT HUNTER!!! with my disabled swag I’m love them but no one is weird abt them in The Right Flavor. (For me to enjoy at least. It’s a personal thing no hate) but you GOT IT!!! YIPPIEE!!!

(is this incomprehensible. I’m sorry. But I’m love ur work.)

asfhsdfikoshd Thank you !! and no worries i understand what you mean !

I feel like Hunter has a lot of untapped potential that i don't normally see touched upon in the fandom, of course it makes complete sense to me that the most popular fanworks would either have happy endings (Hunter is healed from their rot, they still have it but it no longer harms them, they get to have a second chance) or horrifically sad ones

However i don't really see Rain World as either a sad or happy story, they're just stories, and Hunter is one of them, a slugcat who suffers from the rot and cannot escape it but can't really bring themselves to accept it as a part of them

But then again, as someone who is mentally ill and would 100% say "fuck yeah" to the offering of making all of it go away, but realises they wouldn't be the same person they are today without it, and that it is a part of me even if i don't want it to be, i can very well say i might be projecting a little.