#am i feeling a lot (too many) emotions about it rn as a consequence? also yes

[harrylights]

.

[fictionfixations]

book 7 part 4 spoilers

im having intrusive thoughts (theyre UNWELCOME. ive been hit by so many emotions i cant stop myself from actually crying rn ) now that i finished it okay so

if there are any typos or wrong words that dont make sense im SO sorry i usually sleep around this time (i wrote confused instead of convinced im SOBBING) so my brain is slowing down on me

whbat if. what if if

we encounter the dawn knight

and silver's ring starts glowing

and they accuse him of being a traitor because it seems weirdly familiar (or the knight accuses silver of being a thief? IDK)

LISTEN im still convinced that the dawn knight and silver are connected in some way. i just dont know how yet. aghhhhh

ALSO WHEN is the conversation about them mentioning 'hey you keep calling me father..' (could be brushed off as 'you remind me a lot of my father'. cue probably mixed feelings) or '..hey what was that about you calling yourself a zigvolt when we first met?'

i mean sharing LAST NAMES (edit: i said nicknames wtf? im so sorry) without being related is normal. although i dont know how normal it is in twisted wonderland.

ALSO sebek also like doubled down like

baur: you dont have the signature scales

sebek: my mother has them!

baur: then why dont you?

sebek: ... (ashamed of his father. ashamed of his blood. poor baby. he really just ended up taking being called a 'human /neg'. to be fair i dont want to know reactions to a half-fae, because that would mean during the war between fae and humans, a fae got together with a human. and we know that that relationship was looked down upon even now in the future where the war is over, i think.)

(this book made me such a sebek apologist 😭)

like COME ON dont brush it off. i mean im going to cry for that conversation because its just going to be PAIN but like CMONNN????

where are the consequences?

then again this isnt real its just. a dream.

but...

also what if the dawn knight is silvers dad and lilia fucking idk kidnapped him and it started the war [although he'd be way too young in that case since this is 400 YEARS in the past] (but then theres the note lilia read him which means silver probably did get abandoned. .......or maybe lilia killed the dawn knight and his last words were giving his son over and that note about not wanting silver's eyes to cloud over in sorrow, and to instead be as clear as the jewel on the ring...)

or or or or

AHHH

i have. so many thoughts.

i STILL believe silver's at least related to the dawn knight. ...im just not sure how but i keep backtracking to son because yes.

and like itd also play into the 'fae stealing children' idea thingy. although i wonder if thats more offensive if that gets mentioned at all. if it was like some sort of propaganda bedtime story that humans told their children to make them terrified of fae and viewing them as monsters or something..

like

cuz

remember that merchant in the port town(?) area thing

first mistook us for monsters because of our masks (but thats fair)

realized we were like fae?? made a racket

this guard came over and the merchant accused US of threatening the guy to hand over his shit like what??? WE DIDNT DO ANYTHING WHAT ARE YOU ON ABOUT?? we dont even want your fucking spices or whatever wtf ???

i am also a believer that there's a huge misunderstanding between the fae and humans that caused this war.

but also.

i know twisted wonderland is very tragic and everything

but if the dawn knight and the ironclads kill malleus' mom im going to hate them so much. more than i already do [well i hate the ironclads, not the dawn knight, since one bad apple doesnt make them all bad apples]. (look they probably killed raverne but..... malleus' parents man. one is better then none. :( )

god

imagine though that the dawn knight is silvers dad (in whatever twisted time loophole age gap thing whatever the fuck even if it doesnt make sense)

and the dawn knights kills maleanor . . .? i. cant remember (OKAY maleanor is malleus' mom.? and maleficia is like grandma. i think... i. bro the overuse of mal is confusing me so bad sob)

just. imagine silver spiraling into a sort of self-hate. like. im the child of your enemy. my dad ("your dad is LILIA." says someone) killed malleus' parents...

and it probably feels worse then. idk. being a human in a land of fae. like so much more out of place

and so horrible

ahh im worried

..then again maleanor (i almost said maleficia oops) is super strong right? so she'd probably win.. (but also. its a lot harder to fight with something to protect. that being your precious little eggwhich you would probably die for to keep safe) ALSO SHE DIED SO LIKE ???

hhh i dont know what to think

JP SPoilers now

also really fucking worried because JP server's all the way in like idk pomefiore and im just like

how did you even get there. whAT? THIS ENDS?

like i know it'd have to end eventually but i just cant see an end in sight...

:((

i hope we can bring lilia with us. but there might be a chance he'll be made to fall into a deeper sleep where we cant assist since the whole point of his overblot was about lilia and wanting to keep him 'alive' and there

so.....

im just. sad.

[mohabbaat]

[BECAUSE it's sth i've been thinking about a LOT lately.] bollywood started out very misogynistic. every time i watch an old movie, while i acknowledge the exceptions, most of them either show a woman who'd sleep with anyone for money or show a woman who's literally just a slave, that's IT. it took YEARS for it to make movies that don't show women in a bad light, that actually appreciate us. and apparently that lasted like, 10 years? (on and off, yk, in total) because now, everyone seems more interested in movies that have women as an accessory, looking pretty, not playing any active role, while her man does his job. *hearts and fire* while good, unproblematic movies get criticised for having "unrealistic expectations" or "too much feminism". they're so obsessed with all that "alpha" "sigma" "masculine" bullshit. it's so. pathetic. so fucking infuriating. yeah-

hard agree. like the english vinglish, queen, kahaani era was truly the peak of women centric bollywood movies. after that even though such movies were still being made, they shifted from being empowering to being condescending. like if you are a strong independent woman, then you must drink and hook up with random men and wear revealing clothes and whatnot. the feminism became too focused on the urban young woman and lost its essence in my opinion. like i can name so many popular recent film/series (4 more shots, thank you for coming, veere di wedding) which are just trying so hard to be relatable that they end up feeling tone deaf and people start hating them and going back to the same old bullshit heroine is an accessory movies (this also means that the actual good movies (qala, bulbull, etc) just go under the radar which is equally irritating 🙄).

as far as the sigma male thing goes, i am so so tired of these directors and actors showing toxic behaviour on screen without showing its fucking consequences. like the man can do anything and the director will make sure that he has a happy ending cause true love is obviously all about forgiveness and accepting everything even if it hurts you. salman khan, akshay kumar, srk, ranbir kapoor, literally every hero rn is guilty of accepting and promoting such scripts. like even in jawaan, there were 5-6 actresses yet srk had all the fkn screentime. i get he's a big actor but god?? give the actresses something other than a song???? maybe a few emotions??? don't even get me started on kabir singh and animal and even pushpa. 🙄

[riverofrainbows]

I've been watching heartstopper for about the seventh time now, and this rewatch focusing mostly on Nick and his face and emotional journey, and I'm at episode 4 rn, so here are some things i noticed and thoughts:

I've been kinda watching it for the first time again, because I've mostly been focusing on Charlie or both of them till now, and its very lovely

Kit Connor really is an amazing actor, his face is very expressive and i can see everything so clearly in his face. Also he looks scared a lot more than I previously realised

I'm kind of reading Nick as autistic:

His sense of justice and almost naive goodness and earnesty, like he just assumes the best, and gets really angry and empathises a lot when people get treated badly

I specifically mean this arthurian attitude thats also seen in Lord of the rings, where they say really knightly stuff and mean it 100% seriously, and its also kind of the things that make people describe him as a golden retriever personality wise too

As I've been watching Nick's face so closely, he always has a specific kind of personable attitude when interacting with his old friends, and imogen too when they're in company such as at the picnic table before school

When he walks around alone at the party/sits at school and thinks he isn't being watched atm, he kind of drops that, and especially when he's worried about sth you can suddenly see it

This might also just be not trusting his friends to be open around them, which doesn't exclude the masking interpretation either tho. And is also very sad and probably sth too many people relate to

When with Charlie he does show his emotions, like joy, worry, insecurity etc (at school too mostly). Also with his mother mostly, with Tara and Darcy, and kind of around Charlies friends

The identity struggle. Not even just his bisexuality, that too, but specifically feeling like your entire life has been not you. I very much relate to this so maybe this is me projecting, but then again for me it was specifically autism and being queer that made me feel this way, and masking can very much contribute to losing your sense of identity.

His mother mentioned that he seems more like himself with Charlie than his old friends, and presumably he doesnt mask that much at home (he also lives out his interests at home with his mother such as watching a specific movie every day for several months)

Watching a specific movie almost every day for a prolonged period of time, something i did with rereading books again and again, or watching a specific youtube video over and over

Pattern recognition: He just kinda goes with the flow for a while, and then there is this specific moment where he realises that his feelings towards/past actions around Charlie are not straight (the evening at Charlies house, when he sits at home and kinda strokes the phone), and draws a consequence by looking up the am i gay quiz etc

More of an observation: I admire his decision making, and specifically his trust in himself and his own decisions, where he comes to a point where the data doesnt match previous conclusions anymore, and then promptly acts on it, which i think is very brave

Examples (so far): realising he is not straight as mentioned. Realising the romantic implications of Imogen/Party and, knowing that he feels some way about Charlie instead, inviting him.

Another point: in the beginning when Imogen (correctly) implied his behaviour was around a crush, and he was texting Charlie at the time and got freaked out a little by this as it goes against regular patterns of his life experience so far

Rugby as stimming/special interest?

Tbh this might be me projecting again, but the clothes formula of wearing one singular piece of trousers shirt and jacket and not doing much with it. And if its layers (such as the party) both are close fitting. He also always only wears his shirt of the school uniform, no jumper or blazer over (the tie is in the rulebook i assume), but this particular point might just be accidental. Anyways this is sth i do too bc layers stress me out so i always wear only one piece each and in the proper way, and while obviously not true for all autistic people, it's at least sth i noticed in several other autistic people.

[phosphorescent-naidheachd]

GOT 8x01 liveblog below the cut:

--Love the new opening credits!

--Poor Missandei and Grey Worm look so uncomfortable rn

--Jon: “I had a choice: keep my crown or protect the North.” But that’s... not what we saw onscreen?? Not unless some variation of political!Jon is actually true. But knowing D&D, this may simply be their retconned explanation for the nonsensical writing last year. Well, that or Jon is trying to make his stupid decision look better in front of the lords.

--Sansa, I love you, but do you have to smirk when you raise your (very valid) concerns? It’s not helping anything and you have to know it.

--Yessss, mentions of the food shortage!! Now let’s see if they’ll actually do anything with it...

--Show!Dany, I’m still trying to like you, but you’re not exactly making it easy, what with the whole “whatever they like” reply to “What do dragons eat, anyway?”, and smirking when the dragons swooped in and scared the fuck out of everyone in the Winter Town. The Northerners haven’t given you the warmest of receptions and I understand your frustration over that fact, but that’s no reason to think their fear is funny.

--Ah, yes, the oh-so-subtle handholding in front of the entire hall. *sighs at Jon and Dany* [ETA: never mind, they aren’t actually holding hands... Dany is just resting one of her hands on Jon’s arm. Which isn’t all that much more subtle lol.]

--It’s 100% my shipper confirmation bias at work, but the way that they’ve blocked this scene really does make it feel like a Dany/Jon/Sansa love triangle to me. #sorrynotsorry That said, if TPTB choose to go a belligerent sexual tension route w/ Dany/Sansa I wouldn’t turn it down. ;-)

--They’re actually letting Arya show human emotion again? *tosses confetti in celebration*

--Bran and Jon reunion!! My Stark Feelings heart overfloweth.

--Sansa and Tyrion reunion! I like that they’re keeping that hint of tension between them over the way they parted.

--Tyrion: “Many underestimated you. Most of them are dead now.” Subtext: I have no intention of repeating their mistakes.

--Sansa: “I used to think you were the cleverest man alive.” Talk about a burn!

--OK, Bran is looking at Tyrion Significantly(TM) with music playing in the background almost ominously.

--Confirmation that Yara is alive!!! Also, she and Euron are a disturbing but kind of hilarious dynamic at the moment.

--The Arya and Jon reunion was A++. Sweet and heartfelt, but with a hint of underlying tension. And Arya’s comment that Sansa is the smartest person she knows just made my heart an even bigger pile of Stark Family mush.

--Oh, and the “Have you used it?” line re: Needle just hurts because it shows us and Arya how little Jon knows about what Arya has gone through and who she’s become. And Arya’s “once or twice” line just tore out my heart. She doesn’t want to tell Jon what she’s done, both because she’s afraid of how he’ll react and because that will finally make it real to her.

--I feel kind of terrible for Cersei. Yes, she’s made her own bed, but the fact that Euron Greyjoy is lying in it... *shudders* The fact that she’s still forced to resort to sleeping with a man she despises despite ostensibly being the most powerful woman in the realm is incredibly depressing.

--Ahhh, and now we have The Temptation of Bronn(TM)

--The rescue mission! Theon getting to shoot arrows!!

--Greyjoy sibling feelings!!!!

--And Theon is headed to Winterfell! ...He’s going to die there saving a Stark, isn’t he? *braces self for emotional pain*

-- ...you couldn’t have proposed this Jon/Dany marriage, oh, four or so episodes ago, Davos?? The mind still boggles that no one brought this very obvious diplomatic solution up on Dragonstone last season.

--Varys: “Nothing lasts.” 

Camera: *pans to Jon & Dany* 

Me: I n t e r e s t i n g

Also me: Is this foreshadowing, or a red herring to up the dramatic tension?

--Is that... something resembling a smile from Jon around Dany? And he actually looks like he might genuinely enjoy her presence and/or care about her? It’s a miracle! ...A miracle that we really could have used some of last season too, GOT!!

--“She doesn’t need to be my friend. But I am her queen. If she can’t respect me--” *nods* That’s more or less what I figured their initial dynamic would be like. And their attitudes make sense on both ends of the equation! (Note: I can’t decide whether that was a veiled threat from Dany or not; if so, though, she jumped to them pretty darn fast.) I’m curious to see where D&D go with this.

--Oh, only that many goats and sheep. *rolls eyes* I mean, I get it, the dragons are huge; they need a lot of fuel! But on the other hand, that’s an awful lot of food the people don’t get anymore... It’s a no-win situation.

--“They don’t like the North.” Huh, I wonder what it means that the literal breathing symbol of the Targs aren’t fans of being in the North. [/sarcasm]

--Look, I’m glad Dany feels comfortable enough around Jon to be playful, but... would it have been that difficult for her to give him one or two tips before he mounted this incredibly dangerous flying weapon of mass destruction??

--How are these waterfalls not completely frozen over?! It’s the North and it’s winter. I know, I know, I shouldn’t expect anything resembling realism from this show, but still...

--Ah, so Dany is the one who has the line about how they could “stay here a thousand years and no one would find us”, not Jon. But on the flip side, Jon has his eyes closed for the kiss, not open... at least, not until the dragons start to talk lol.

--Emilia Clarke has such a beautiful smile!

--Yeah, I’m still not feeling the J0n3rys ‘chemistry’. Oh well; you can’t win them all. At least they aren’t totally unbelievable as a couple this episode.

--Ugghhh, yet another joke about balls (or the lack thereof) in this episode.

--Arya and Gendry reunion? Arya and Sandor reunion? Yes!

--Wow, Arya/Gendry are so awkward together right now! Sweet, but awkward. And yeah, here come the shippy feelings again... I’m predictable that way lol.

--“As you wish, m’lady.” *squeals delightedly*

--“You don’t know any other rich girls.” The look on their faces!!

--Can I mention again how much I love that they’re letting Arya and Dany emote so far this episode? It makes a world of difference. Now all we need is for Bran to be allowed to show emotions...

--Ooohh, this must be the promised Jon/Sansa argument scene. 

--Good. I’m glad that there are already some consequences from the lords for Jon having bent the knee... the decision would feel incredibly cheap otherwise.

--And already we have more emotion from Jon in this one scene than in all of his scenes with Dany combined. I’m not saying Jon/Sansa is where the show is going, but it still works much better for me than Jon/Dany does. YMMV, of course, and that’s as it should be.

--”Do you have any faith in me at all?” “You know I do.” <3 <3 <3

--*sighs* Jon, it’s all very well and good to say that Dany will be a good queen, but you could, I don’t know, give Sansa some examples to help her understand why you think that instead of just expecting her to go entirely on your word?

--Ah, this must be the scene with Sam and Dany!

--Oh, poor Sam. I’m so glad they’re letting him be upset about it, though. His dad may have been an abusive dick, but his brother wasn’t... and besides, emotions aren’t always that clear-cut.

--“Now’s the time.” OK, but why now? Why now? Also, is it just me or did Bran’s voice sound different there?

--Jon and Sam reunion!!!

--Ouch, poor Jon. This revelation was always going to hit him hard.

--Jon (in a whisper, looking horrified): “That’s treason.” Uh, Jon, that doesn’t seem like the normal reaction of someone in love with another person? Just saying.

--“You gave up the crown to save your people. Would she do the same?” Samwell Tarly, asking the important questions! This question has always been one of--if not the--cruxes of Dany’s arc, IMO. That and her search for home/belonging.

--Ooo, is this the rumored scene with the WW symbols on the walls?

--Hmmm, this actually looks a bit like that clip from the trailers. Is Edd going to show up soon then?

--Hah! Called it.

--“Stay back, he’s got blue eyes!” “I’ve always had blue eyes!” LMAOOO

--Called it. I knew little Ned Umber was going to be the first named character death of the season. (For the record, I have him slated as the first named character death in my AU S8 fic outline, even though the chapter in question hasn’t been written yet.) Also, wow-- talk about a creepy way to display him!

--Still, that’s odd that he’s just dead rather than a wight-- oh, never mind he is a wight after all!

--Hmm, who are you, tall and mysteriously hooded man? (I mean, realistically everyone onscreen in the North should have their hoods up right now when they’re outside, but this is TV.) Could you possibly be... Jaime Lannister?

--Hah! Called it again.

--They’re going to cut to the credits now that Bran & Jaime have locked eyes, aren’t they? Yep, they just cut to the credits.

Additional Thoughts:

--I wonder where Brienne is... we haven’t seen her this episode IIRC. [ETA: Never mind, she is there in the background in several scenes, she just doesn’t say anything.]

--I wish D&D had given Dany more space to react to the news about undead!Viserion. This should be a big deal for her. Also, why is no one freaking out about the Wall coming down?

--Honestly, the pacing and tone of this episode could have used a little polishing IMO.

--I’m delighted that the show is letting characters speak positively about Sansa and her skills, but I wish the writing wasn’t so very heavy-handed about it.

--Ooo, interesting trailer, though still nothing terribly surprising. I’m curious to see what they do next episode... but not nearly as curious as I am to see what happens in 8x03 and beyond. ;-)

Overall, I enjoyed this episode! So many callbacks to earlier seasons. I may have deeper thoughts on a rewatch.

[dedalustephen]

back for a bit.

i was reading through my diary entries from before and my shit adhd working memory really... makes me forget that i dont actually live as good and privileged a life as i think (or my parents allege) i do

the amount of /trauma/ you can see younger me was put through as a result of my parents' breaking and broken relationship was... slightly insane? i dont think me now would be able to handle that

like my parents really... straight up never gave a fuck about my mental health? it doesnt really clock as Really Bad but threatening to throw the dog out bc ur kid is crying in the toilet and refusing to leave maybe isnt a good thing to do?

and that also neglects the fact ive had to function at "gets into oxf*rd as an intl student" level with undiagnosed adhd that is the root of many, many, many emotional issues (which again of course my parents were not kind to)

and /then/ when i stopped being judgy of everyone and started to appreciate the world around me, 2019 hit and my entire life was thrown into political crisis after crisis, the notes i had in late 2019... i was absolutely terrified then??? like im paraoid now but it was even worse then for me, mentally. and then there was corona, i lost everything i looked forward to, there was never a proper full stop to my secondary school life, and then i was launched into covid era uni life, and then when i got home i hated every moment of it bc my dad was moving out and my mom was dating someone else and i was basically living with reminders that the life i was starting to know how to appreciate was already gone forever.

and then i was stranded in the uk for a year, and still am, put into more and more stressful situations having to deal with an adult adhd diagnosis having to try out meds living alone etc. etc. etc. all while my parents continue to not really give a fuck about my mental health, etc.

and all this isnt counting the stress of studying a dse curriculum and studying at oxf.

not to give myself too many pats on the back but ive really been through quite a lot lol and im quite glad for my adhd impacting my working memory bc i dont actually rmb all this happening, im just dealing with the consequences lol

the whole i want to go home to feel safe and secure thing has probably been a running theme thing, i only really was able to identify and verbalize it as that now bc im physically away from what i call home :( when thing is i never really felt safe and secure at home for a majority of my childhood anyways...

so like 1) ive always been this emotionally unstable, its not some im only like this in uni thing, and 2) ive been forced into dealing with most if not all of the issues thatve been piled up /all in one go/ bc if not i literally cannot be a functional adult that gets thru uni,,,,it is not a wonder that im constantly stressed and breaking down rn lmaooo

oh and i forgot i was gay and trans in hk???? at a very homophobic christian girls school??????? and my crush was deeply suic*dal and i had to talk her out of suic*de like once every two days?????????

what the FUCK was going on

processing all of this in hindsight when im away from my parents, politics, my past etc. is... quite insane i just took all of this in stride. im literally going thru less insane stuff than i did as a child which is why i acc have the headspace to deal with all of this and the emotional stability to process this like this without resorting to vague convoluted poems... also meds help lol

anyways im going to go easy on myself with collections this week and a lot of stuff in the future, of course my standards wont drop but i'll be kinder if that makes sense? like i wont beat myself up over crying rn and if i procrastinate too much i'll know whats up (though procrastinstion is so, so, so stressful) and im still going thru a lot of stress and anxiety,,and while i think im not enough like jesus christ ive been thru some shit people dont usually go thru

it's like wait lemme count

oh god theres also the people pleaser religious guilt and also chinese continue bloodline etc. guilt wtf

like that's 8-9ish things i had to deal with that, with any single one, could very likely break a person completely on the mental side of things lmao

ngl im quite strong :')

anyways now that ive processed that or well, at least started to process it, it's time to move on grow up 現實令你快要快要變做大丈夫 etc except like very much on the emotional strength and not 現實應對能力 lmaooooooooooooooo not j*rs voice being a main motivater again what if i see him and im like omg thank u for singing so many songs!! u helped me process my trauma <333 like akdksjjfsjjfjs lmaooo

[jungblue]

OSIDJDJSIEISJS HELLI AGAIN ITS ME THE ANON YOU WANTED!!!! OMFGGGGG WHAT DID I TELL YOU????? I TOLD YOUUUUU !!!!!! THIS FIC FUCKING SCARRED ME PUNCHED ME IN THE GUT RIPPED MY HEART ATTACKED MY SOUL AND THREW ME INTO THE PACIFIC OCEAN I WAS THAT TRAUMATIZED. I was SO sad when the OC ended up alone..I was REALLY hoping she'd get back with either Jungkook or Jimin, or the least make up with Sohee but no...I....I literally have no words. I stopped reading the fic ever since it completed but

I always came back to it and left anonymous comments to the author, mentally wanting to strangle her because of her story left me really upset and I couldn’t stop thinking about it even now. But I always thanked her for writing such a realistic fic, and it’s because it’s written in that way, it makes cheating seem scarier and more destructive that it really is. It broke apart friendship, trust and everything that was binding those friends. I can’t re read the last few chaps because it was so sad

i’m going to reply to every few sections each bc if i try to do this in one go at the very end my thoughts are going to sporadic and messy lmao. but anyways… HOW COULD YOU REC ME THIS. IT LITERALLY TORE MY HEART OUT ONLY FOR THE AUTHOR TO DANCE ON IT WITH SOME METAL CLEATS. LIKE YOUR GIRL WAS HURTINGG. like you said, i’m just upset for the oc. she ended up alone and lost everything. whereas with jungkook he still gets to talk to jimin (well like he’s also stuck in a relationship he didn’t really wanna be in so he got his karma too but still) and it just feels like at the end of it she truly has nobody

And I absolutely hated how Sohee too revenge by getting pregnant. Like what????????? And I literally prayed to God that it was a lie, because she was behaving like a real pain in the ass but at the same time…I really felt how much she loved Jungkook. Her love for him was pure, even her friendship with the OC was pure, but something about Sohee’s past relationships and even how she LITERALLY was the final push to Jungkook’s and Seulgi’s relationship, rubbed me in the wrong way. I felt horrible

NO I DISLIKE SOHEE A LOT. i didn’t like her’s and jungkook’s relationship bc it was all about status to the both of them. she thought that it was alright to help jungkook cheat on seulgi just ‘bc he was hot.’ and whenever she talks about him to the oc she treats him like an airhead jock. she says she loves him so much, but i don’t get why when she thinks of him so simply. like he makes her happy and comfortable i guess, but she doesn’t actually see him. and i’m just gonna say i usually hate that type of plot point. the trapping someone in a relationship through pregnancy plot point, bc i mean it’s just psychotic and usually isn’t done well, bc the character who does it seems cartoonishly evil. but sohee actually doesn’t. she seems like she’s just a real and insecure person who was ready to settle down and marry jungkook before she found out about the cheating and that was her last effort. LIKE I STILL DISLIKE HER BUT WHATEVER

For Jimin a LOT, because he reminded me so much of Future Hearts Jimin, because he was SO selfless and he loved the OC unconditionally really. He was the perfect boyfriend, and I felt my heart sink when Jimin found out about the cheating. I just couldn’t function anymore. He didn’t deserve any of that. He was such a good person, a good brother, a good boyfriend… why is it that all the good people get hurt? ;;;;;;;;;; BUT I HAVEN’T TALKED ABOUT JUNGKOOK YET GOSH. I had opinions about him 

POOR FUCKING JIMIN!!! AND YEAH HE REMINDED ME OF FH JIMIN TOO :( honestly i had a really hard time reading the part where he was going through jungkook’s notebook of poems to the oc. like it hurt to read about him finding out and god it was just awful. he didn’t deserve that at all. he didn’t every possible thing he could to be a good boyfriend to the oc. uhggg it really did make me mildly nauseous seeing him get hurt like that

Because he was such a complicated, mysterious and broken individual. The way he derived his sense of inspiration from his past relationship with his mother hit my heart like a bulldozer. I found myself sympathizing him many times, even though he was clearly in the wrong and the lines between his needs and wants was blurred. I felt so sad for him, and yet I wanted to smack him when he was so ready to leave Sohee even when she loved him so much. But I also understood that Sohee didn’t understand J  

Jungkook the same way as the OC did. I blame Jungkook because he exposed his past and his feelings to the OC first, and he could have easily had done that in the two (?) Years that he has been with Sohee. But I still think Sohee would see him more of a hot jock, nevertheless. I felt so sad for him though, he ended up with someone he didn’t love but it was his fault at the same time. But I still found myself drawn towards him, even if his morals were a bit crooked.

jungkook’s character was so hard for me bc i hated that i liked him. like what he was doing was absolutely awful, but the way the writer wrote his character made me sympathize with him. and the way the author used this along with the build up of the oc and jungkook made me not as angry as i should’ve been when they cheated the first time. instead i thought to myself, but i like them together??? but it wasn’t me liking them together bc their partners were awful, no that’d be too goddman easy lmao, it was bc they just FIT TOGETHER. like jimin’s great and perfect, but she she fit with jungkook so well. AND I’M ANNOYED THAT I THINK THAT BC GOD WHAT DID WAS AWFUL AND I’M MAD ABOUT IT. as for sohee, i again just think that she sees him as a hot airhead jock, so that’s why jungkook didn’t tell her. but it’s like you said he could’ve, and it’s also his fault bc he was more or less with her in the first place so similar reasons of her simply being attractive. their relationship was just messy to me, not like jimin and the oc’s which i fully loved

But it didn’t happen. I legit cried the laat chapter, because I wanted her to be with someone, I didn’t care who it was. I know it’s really shallow for me to say that haha. But instead she found herself, and I was also happy with that too.. because in the end you need to forgive yourself first before you can move on with life right? Ufff I can go on and on about the characters but it’s been months since I last read and I can’t write in a scholarly, fancy and critical way that you can! Okay so

no but same :(( i just wanted her to be with someone, which yeah is probably really shallow of me, but i just read 90k of fic from her pov so how could i not sympathize with the fact that she’s completely alone. i am happy that she found herself but i’m not gonna lie and say that i’m happy that she didn’t end up with jungkook or jimin (specifically jungkook) bc i think that they could have made it work. and lol i promise i can’t write critically without inserting my emotions into this fic. i’m a mess rn lmao

Enough about the characters, now the writing!! Gosh the quality of writing was soooooooo good!! It had the right pace, it had a perfect balance between suspense drama and romance, every chapter was such a ride to read, and the compositions oh my God!! I asked the author and she said she wrote all those beautiful poems! Wow, talk about talent, huh? Her descriptions were so real I literally felt in the moment, i could literally feel the pain from the characters on to me, I could hear their heart

breaks, I could taste the tears streaming down Jungkooks face when the OC told him to leave, I could feel the tension when the OC and Sohee met at the coffee place for the last time, I felt everything crumbling down on me when Jimin fought with Jungkook when he found out..I think the best part of her writing was how she able to make everything realistic. Like cheating is a realistic thing no doubt, but there are sO many layers underneath that. People can just say “oh it’s just a breakup move on”

But NO. Cheating is more than hurtful, it’s something that can break, tear, cripple someone’s feelings and fringesofsanity was able to write that in such very realistically. Anyone who reads this story can able to relate. Fanfic writers always like to put a dramatisized spin to cheating, and it ends happily with the person forgiving the other, but not in this story. Gosh I really hope you, and none of the people on this planet experience what the 4 characters did. It’s too hurtful, too painful.

yes yes yes i completely agree! her take on cheating and how it affects the people around the act was so realistic and beautifully written. and as much as i’m bitching about the fact that the oc is alone, i appreciate that the ending feels real, bc after something so traumatic happening to the four of them, it’s just unrealistic to think that everything would be happy and perfect. BUT I CAN STILL BE SAD ABOUT IT DAMMIT :((

I’m SO happy you liked this fic. And how can anyone not? The whole idea of the story’s imperfect characters, the cheating, the consequences…but the angst was just a way too much on the heavier side for my weak heart..well cheating is pretty heavy so can’t help it. And it just goes to show how love is such a dangerous emotion indeed. The people who loved unconditionally in this story, were left truly heartbroken. All of them loved each other unconditionally, whether it be friendship wise or

Or romantically. Look at Jimin, poor poor soul. I just wanna wrap him up and hug him forever. As for JK, even though I luh him so bad and he’s my bias, I feel really conflicted about his character. But I feel bad for him too you know… Sheesh I must be filling your anon box too much. Well I could write more but I don’t want you to get bored. I’m so happy you liked this fic! Thank you for boarding the ship of pain and misery, my friend!

EVEN THOUGH IT MADE ME REALLY SAD THANK YOU SO SO MUCH FOR THE REC BC I HAVEN’T GOTTEN MY HEART TORN OUT LIKE THAT IN SO LONG. just oh god it’s just so painful :(((( lmao i’m so sad but i’m happy that i got to read a fic like that ;;;;;;

[wild-catra]

disco elysium review - or more of a vent I guess? will most likely containt spoiler

so I binged this game over christmas and finished my firt  playthrough and I kinda don’t get the hype

like, it is a solid game, it was entertaining and it kept my curiosity I was just frequently dissappointed

like, most of the characters were quite shallow and stereotypical imo and the writers tried to cover that up with a shit ton of really pretentious dialogue that was oftentimes meaningless. sure the story was kinda satirical and I generally don’t have a problem with exeggerated characters in such settings, I think what ruined it for me was as said their pretentious dialogue and that the writers were trying to do both: have comedically exeggerated characters that spew a lot of nonsense but also have really sad and serious things happen to them which are suposed to make the player sad... and I’m like... no I don’t care what happens to these clown characters, they’re not real people and they don’t act like real people? (except that one side quest where you tell a woman you found her dead husband, that made me emotional but I’m sure it was only bc I never talked to her before she prolly would’ve said ridiculous bullshit had I engaged with ehr infront of the book store before, which would have ruined the scene later on) I also don’t have a problem with “everyone is awful” type of storys, but in such cases you gotta make me care about the characters and the world still. there’s still gotta be something catchy about the awful world and awful people inhabiting it. and here I didn’t really get that for some reason.

I didn’t like how they censored certain slurs but not the misogynist ones. like either censor all of them or don’t? but the entire story was pretty misogynist, lacking female characters, let alone interesting ones (but tbf I didn’t find the male characters interesting either bc they were all so shallow and stereotypical)

I did’t like the main character, I’ve had too many interactions with such men irl and I’m tired of them being the main character in every “gritty” story. It’s boring, I don’t care about middle aged loser men being sad and gross -yet *charming*  - drug addicts who somehow still miraculously excell in their field and are beloved or at least tolerated by everyone. (irl such men aren’t charming just creepy, annoying and impossible to work with due to their self centered behaviour and most people don’t actually tolerate this, storys like this are just fairy tales dreamt up by loser men who want to act like a pig yet still be adored and face no consequences. irl they get fired pretty fast and no one wants to be friend with them)

I felt like my choices didn’t matter, oftentimes i didn’t matter if I failed a skillcheck or not and sometimes it mattered *so much* I got locked and had to savescum until I passed the check because there was nothing else I could do at that point (bc I had done everything there was to do that day, so no means to level up and improve that skill) and the MAIN story wouldn’t progress when I failed. very frustrating. I would’ve liked it if the skill checks mattered always AND if failing/passing just took me on noticeably different routes instead of locking me out and forcing me to reload. but maybe that’s too ambitious for a video game.

the ending was pretty disappointing. like... .why did they pull that random communist survivor out of their ass?? sorry if I missed hints before but for me that came completely out of nowhere and his motive was shit also WHY did they ahve to make him a creep too?? every male character was a fucking degenerate misogynist creep saying awful shit about women for no fucking reason. like wtf is wrong with their writers are they incels or smth the story they’re telling and the male characters they painted sure made me feel like they are. also wtf was the bullshit with the stickbug, was that meme already around when the game was made bc I definitely felt *stick bugged* but not in an amused way but in a “ok this scene was just super serious this sad man is having an aneurism or smth wtf it this random shit with the fantasy bug” - kinda way. what was that about???? WHY? (I did do te side quest with the cryptozoologists I just think it’s was extremely dumb that the bug appeared at the end)

ok I think I’ve complained enough at least I don’t know what else to complain abt rn. dunno if I will replay it differently, I am kinda curious if the playthrough would be different with a different build and if different choices would really change things... but I doubt it and also don’t really want to do all that again because it does drag on with all that reading and I can’t skip the dialogie obviously bc I wouldn’t see changes, the game is absically only dialogue after all.(besides... i did chose one of the speczialized builds but at some point I *had* to level skills I actually didn’t want to bc they didn’t fit the character I wanted to play but I felt it was impossible to progress otherwise, I assume it would come to the same with the other specialized builds)

[surviveatitlan]

Rites of Passage

The final three reflect on their time in the game and the people who helped them get here.

Madison

Alex, We were never on a tribe together so I don’t have much to say other than you seem like a great person and I wish we had a chance to play together in this game.

Dan

I literally made a confessional praying you would be first boot! OOPS.

Sammy

so yikes...honestly i was surprised to see you go so soon, but I was also nervous to be in another game with you tbh heheh. Anway you are so talented and are a great person to talk to because you can typically keep a convo going. I hope you had some fun in this game and I hope you are doing well in general too!

Madison

MY HIGH PRIESTESS WITCH BITCH! I hope I’ve done you proud by being the only woman to make it to FTC. I dedicate this accomplishment to the Coven of Nightshade.

Sammy

ugg I wanted to work with you so bad I just remember we kind of got put up against each other! you are such  great person and never fail to liven up the party. Also I remember the caterpillar thing from the music video and I legit died.

Dan

Sorry your hex didn't work xoxo.

Madison

Yike everyone wanted you gone so fast I didn’t have much choice in you leaving. You were robbed and I’m really sorry.

Sammy

you were one of my favorites in the beginning of the game because you had so much energy and spirit that was really contagious. You crushed the music video challenge and you were just so outgoing as well.  Good luck in other games and hope I get to work with you again! Thanks for having my back:)

Dan

When will you learn that your actions have consequences?

Madison

We were never on a tribe together but you’re an icon!!!

Sammy

we didn't get the chance to talk that much. I know you were super busy at the start of this game, and I think if you would've had more time you would have went pretty far in this game! Hope everything is well!

Dan

Idk her ):

Madison

You were so nice! I never felt like we really connected too much during the game, but you’re such a nice person I’m sure you would’ve killed it if you hadnt been such an early boot.

Sammy

When you were voted off I was so sad because you were another person I was wanting to work with more and I felt like our friendship was cut short. From the short amount of time you were here, you definitely made several connections and were super likeable! Hope you had fun and hope to see you around!!

Dan

Allan, you really came for me huh! I know it's not personal and you were trying to save yourself. Thanks for making our original tribe fun and giving it your all!

Madison

You pissed so many people off SO FAST!!! I honestly felt bad bc you went from neutral and likely to float for a while to BRIAN MUST GO NOW!!! It’s kind of impressive tbh.

Sammy

So sad that you didn't get further but you definitely made your mark on this game. You also were not afraid to shake this game up and were upfront with people. Be proud of your game and I hope to see you in other games around!!

Dan

Brian, I wish we could have connected more. You gave me some good laughs!

Madison

I LOVE YOU BITCH! I AINT NEVER GON STOP LOVING YOU BITCH! You were fucking robbed and I’m still mad about it. I made it to the end to avenge you and I hope I did you proud girl. Viva la Rebecka!

Sammy

I am so so upset that we didn't really get a chance to play this game together. I have heard several great things about you and I know all of them are true! I really hope I can play a game with you in the future and I am so glad I got to meet you:)

Dan

Beckka, you have become one of my best friends in life and in games. I am so thankful to have you in my life because I know I can always talk to you without judgement. You have a heart of gold and deserve the world. I wanted nothing more than to be sitting here at the end with you again like we did in Circle. I will never in my life meet someone as genuine, caring, and kind as you. I literally cried when these people turned fake and yoinked you on out of here. https://im-01.gifer.com/S6dx.gif

Madison

WOW ANOTHER KING! I wanted to work with you SO. BAD. but I knew you were playing the middle™️ hard and that was SO scary. You’re a lipsync king and I’m so glad we finally got to play together. Again, I hope you don’t hate me, because I love you so much as a person. You’re just such a threat in these games ahfjdjdj!!! Love you!

Sammy

ahh okay so from the first time we spoke I automatically clicked with you and I watched your intro and you were so kind and have positive vibes and this game was so much fun with you!  Once we got split up a bunch of drama unfolded but no hard feelings, and I hope you are doing AMAZING!

Dan

Tim, I was so sad to see you go! You're someone I would really like to get to know better. Thank you so much for leaking your alliance to Emily because without that info, I definitely don't think I would be here rn. You were just such a genuinely nice person and I hope we can play a game together again soon!

Madison

A KING! Your vote was also TRAGIC! I can’t say I was too upset at the time because it was you or me (you SNEK!) but I love you so much. I’m glad we got to work together for a couple votes (finally!) but sad it didn’t work out for us to make merge together. You’re an icon, I love you, I hope you don’t hate me ahdjdjdj.

Sammy

so we didn't get the chance to play much game together...but I know you are such a great person and you have such a great personality that makes these games so much better. I hope we get to see each other in future games or current ones heheheh

Dan

Timmy, we literally know each other irl and we refuse to work together. It's like exhausting tbh, like we should just not apply to the same games.

Madison

Hm who were you again? Ahfjdjdnd jkjk you know I literally love you to the moon and back you’re a queen. I’m so MAD you got voted out when you did! I think your vote was the only time I was truly blindsided in this game. we were finally gonna get to work together in a game, and that’s the biggest robbery. I also know if you’d stayed in the game it’d be a wholeeee lot different, and I probably wouldn’t be sitting here. You’re one of the best players I know, so I’m honored to have been able to play with you again. And hey thanks for getting me into this ORG mess otherwise I wouldn’t be here! Anyway I love you and you’re an icon. Nakabanana.

Sammy

ahh okay so like I love you as a person and even as a player.  When I entered this game and saw you were casted, I was so nervous because I know you have this natural ability to make people trust you and want to work with you.  There were several times where I also felt like you and I were able to put the game aside and just about our personal lives. You are so so so so iconic.

Dan

EMILY. I LITERALLY KNEW THE SECOND YOU LEFT THAT I NEEDED TO SLAY FOR YOU. Wow, literally this story arc is unreal. From literally lying to each other through our teeth in Mongolia to working so closely and honestly in this game I have gotten to know you as a human being and a player, and I love both. As cunning as people think you are, you're so sweet and offered me such an amazing ally, and for that I am so thankful. Thank you for not throwing comps with me at the second swap <3 I couldn't be here without you.

Madison

It’s essentially my fault that you’re out of the game, but HOLY SHIT YOU WERE ROBBED. You were another person I never imagined not making it to f3, but again I think that’s why you didn’t. You were RUNNING that majority alliance and you were killing it. I respect your game so much but I knew if you were in this game much longer, I wouldn’t be. I hate we never got to work together (I guess Atomic is cursed for us), but hopefully we can stay friends after this because you’re such an icon.

Sammy

so we def went through every situation in this game and we just always had each other's back.  You have this ability to make people comfortable with you and you are so kind.  One things I respect  about your game is that you are able to separate emotions/relationships from these games, which is super hard to do so props!

Dan

Olivia, wow were you the person I was scared of most in this game. You are so sweet and so cunning. I wish I could be like that haha I usually just come off looking like a dick. You were running this show and if you hadn't been stopped by Tim's loose lips, you could have made it all the way. I respect your hard gameplay so much and I wish I could have made a majority alliance that lasted for a while pre-jury. I'm sorry I flipped on the Misfits, but you were such a powerful force in this game and after taking out Emily, I felt like I couldn't trust you anymore.

Madison

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH OMFG. You’re truly the sweetest most genuine person I’ve met playing these games, and while we never managed to work on the same side during this game, I’m so glad I got to play with you. I don’t even know how to express how much I respect and adore you, but it’s a wholeeee lot. I also still have the video of you misquoting the “I never fucking learned how to read” vine.

Sammy

wow, you literally blew my mind away with your personality.  You didn't take anything in this game personal and you had such a general interest in people,like Francie, that set you apart from the rest of the group. I hope you are proud of the way you played and I am so proud of you for beating your placement EEK! Thank you for being so genuine with me and just looking out for me!

Dan

ANNMARIE MY FALLEN QUEEN. Voting you out was one of the most depressing things to occur in this game. You were also someone I didn't work with too closely, but you were so kind and good hearted. I think all of your goodbye messages (except yours you shady lady) all speak to the person you are and how much it hurt to see you go. I can't wait to see you play more games and grow in this community <3

Madison

Oh boy here we go. Out of all the mess of this game, you were BY FAR the hardest vote for me, mostly because I know how much it hurt you. Not being able to talk to you and explain anything or just let you yell at me has been the worst part, because I still consider you one of my best friends in this community. I have my side and my reasons and my explanation, but none of that is relevant in comparison to my apology for hurting you. We both know I’m a snake, I’m a fake, my game is opaque, but it’s never my intention to make anything personal or to make you hate me. I truly am so sorry Bryan. I really hope you’ll be willing to talk to me after the game, because I love you so much.

Sammy

AHHH okay so you were literally one of the funniest people in this game and you always knew how to make people laugh when we were going through stressful times.  You were never afraid to call people out and you weren't afraid to shake the game up.  We both were after each other quite a few times but we still managed to get along haha, and I remember us automatically clicking bc of SAM BUSSY

Dan

BRYAN! I watched you play the last season of circle and be such a strong competitor physically and you didn't let me down playing with you. You popping off at tribal was one of my favorite moments of the season even though it was very calm and I didn't even get snatched that hard. You aren't afraid to say what everyone is thinking and that's such a valuable trait to possess. You going when you did mad me so sad, but I was just so worried that you'd kill the end game. Only respect for the game that you played and the mark you left on my game <3

Madison

MORE ROYALTY!! My showmance, the love of my life. Another super hard vote whew. I felt like even though we were sort of on opposite sides, we still managed to work together when we could, and our communication skills were iconic! I love you so much! I hope we can stay close after this game, because it’s honestly sucked not being able to talk to you.

Sammy

ahh, we were with each other since day one and you were just super outgoing and like you just seemed genuinely interested in people's lives rather than the game. It was refreshing to play a game with you just because we are able to put the game aside and just talk about life. Thank you for that!

Dan

Francie, another game in the books and we still haven't ever even worked together?? How screwed up is that haha. I wanted to get to know you so bad, but in a lot of ways I think we're very similar. We really pride ourselves in academia and making sure our personal lives are secure before these games, and that is something I respect a lot. I hope that someday soon we can talk Star Trek and just have a normal non-game convo, because the more personal convos with you are what I really valued through this experience!

Madison

Another queen!! y’all really aren’t making this easy huh? You know I love you. You were one of the hardest votes for me (although there were many) just because I love you so much as a person. As I said in my goodbye to you, I hope we stay friends for so long after this game because I love you so much. This game was the Isle of Skye we never had.

Sammy

so this was my first time meeting you and you have one of the brightest personalities I have ever came across! You never made a single person mad at you. No matter what happened to you, it seemed like you were always smiling and you were the light of the group.  Thank you for adding such a bright ray of sunshine into this game and I hope you are killing it in your other games!

Dan

Heatherrrr <3 I was so sad that we never got on a pre-merge tribe together and only chit chatted briefly in the one world twist. Your fire and passion for this game did not go unnoticed. I could tell you were smart, daring, and willing to do what it took to get to the end in this game and I respect that so much. I hate that it came down to a "you or me" kind of situation with my idol, but I was truly thankful to have played on the same side as you when we hit merge.

Madison

Wow another queen who knew?! I NEVER imagined a f3 without you in it, and the fact you’re not here is honestly a robbery, but I think that’s why you’re not. If I had gone when you did I’d basically have no choice but to give you my vote because you played an INCREDIBLE game. I have nothing but respect for you and I’m so glad we had the chance to bond not only as players, but as people.

Sammy

we definitely went on an emotional roller coaster together, but no matter what you should be so proud of your game because you gave so many people motivation to keep fighting.  You never gave up, even when you knew it could be your last day...you fought till you couldn't fight anymore. Thank you for adding so many great qualities to this game. This game would not have been the same without you and you are one of the most memorable for sure.

Dan

Jayyyyyyy, my fellow snake. To say that our relationship was complicated would be the understatement of the century. Our self deprecating out look on life brought us together and I was really thankful for the kindness you showed me in this game. You were such a strong competitor and in my mind there was not a scenario I could have thought of where you wouldn't have been in the ftc. It broke my heart more than you know seeing you go, and I understand and animosity. We slithered together in this game and when times were good, they were some of the best times I've ever had in these games. Love you so so much. <3

Madison

Autumn holy shit my queen. Your sacrifice is literally the reason I’m here right now and I don’t think I could thank you enough. I have no words to describe how NICE it’s been not being against each other all game. Even though we were on opposite sides, you were SO loyal to me (and I was loyal to you too! what a concept!), and I’m so grateful for that. You masterminded this f3 and got us all here. I love you so much.

Sammy

From the moment I saw we were in this game together I was so excited because I always wanted to play a game with you.  We definitely were not together with votes several times but at the end of the day we always had each other. You are literally so perfect and have one of the sweetest personalities. Never change! Thank you for being a helping hand when I needed it and thanks for helping me shake the game up! YOU ARE ICONIC

Dan

Autumn, my selfless queen. After hearing about you for so long, I was so excited to get to know you! While we never worked super closely together, when we did talk, you made me laugh, smile, and just were a breath of fresh air. There needs to be more people like you in this community because you always met me with such kindness and respect, even if you did write my name down like every tribal council :P Thank you again for being a class act, I've loved getting to know you and I hope we can talk more once the season is over!

-

From me to all of 20 of you, thank you for playing what has proven to be the best season of Atomic Survivor yet. Tomorrow night, starting at 10pm, the finalists will plead their cases to the jury, and the follow night, our winner will be revealed. I am so proud of each and every one of you and am so glad I have had the honor of hosting each of you fantastic individuals.

[jimlingss]

FuCkInG jIMLINGSSSS!!!! YOU DID THAT!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH AYSKTSKGSNFZNGZNFSKTD I'M CURRENTLY ON THE SUBWAY SO I CAN'T OUTWARDLY FREAK OUT AS MUCH AS I WANT TO ABOUT THIS I AM D Y I N G OHMYGOD AS SOON AS I READ THIS I'M GONNA BE ON👏THE👏FLOOR👏 JESUS CHRIST!!!!!!! I'M BOUTTA REREAD THE 1ST 2 CHAPTERS SO I COULD APPRECIATE THIS IN ALL OF IT'S GLORY AHHH NO WARNING EITHER!!!! (which was probably the best way because i am s h o c k e d, i 10000% was not expecting that rn aldjfjsk i love surprises!!)

[Potential Spoilers Below]

You are literally so sweet! I really don’t know what I would do without you and your messages :’) Your encouragement is my gasoline, I swear.

myjeansareonfire said:JIMLINGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS I WANNA CRY WHY AM I SUCH AN EMOTIONAL BEAN?!?!?!?!?!?!? ESPECIALLY SEEING THAT PICTURE OF THEM AT THE END BEFORE THE EPILOGUE AKDJDHEKSKDBSNAJ I'M D E A D AHHH JIMINGS!!! 😭😭😭😭 Damn, what can i even say? You've rendered me speechless, speechless!!!!!!!!! This.. Has probably got to be my.. Third or fourth favorite thing you've ever written. Definitely in the top 5! Yes you have other writing that's more eloquent & beautiful & well thought out & descriptive but (1/11)

oh wow. one of your top favourites? You know, I would try to be surprised but I’m not cause it was also one of the funnest things I’ve ever written haha. I was laughing and hollering while writing and that never happens. It also wasn’t a struggle to edit and I wrote it in record time. Honestly, who knew the fic would work out considering I did 0 planning and pulled all of it out of my ass. rofl.

ahhh the character's relationships!! Just, the comedy!! The tension!! The originality of the personality created for each member! The heart warming parts! How despite the fact that it is labeled a crack fic, yoongi's always keeping it real!! 😭😭 ahh i literally can't imagine how he went through all he went through & endured all that he endured, he really really /really/ had to be in love with y/n, & that had to have been from the beginning! There's so much he'd put up w/even before y/n (2/11)

knew he was a boy like ahh & HOW IS Y/N SO DENSE?? LIKE??? I JUST WANTED TO SHAKE HER & YELL IN HER FACE AND BE LIKE Y O O N G I F U C K I N G L I K E S Y O U THIS BOY IS IN L O V E WITH YOU!!! Every time jimin came into the picture and she was like HERE'S THE LOVE OF MY LIFE i was like uhmm?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Really, girl?? It's gon be like that?? Gah! So frustrating T_T she's testosterone has been... Such a great fic. Definitely worth the wait!!! I would've waited even longer for this! :D (3/11)

you could've dropped this in 2019 & i still would've been like yES OH BOY HERE WE GOOOOO asdfghjkl. She's testosterone... Is like a Perfect™ fic. It's so funny it makes you wanna piss yourself. The second hand embarrassment is so bad you have to hide your face because you're turning beat red too! (Is that you you spell beat?! Beet???) The fluff parts are so /good/ whenever they happen you're just like yES!!! It's like, you know when you're reading something, and there's these 2 characters (4/11)

Frankly, She’s Testosterone is the best comedy I’ve ever been able to do haha my sense of humour can’t get any better than that in writing. I also realllllly despise reading dense characters cause I want to scream like you ‘ARE YOU BLIND?!’ but it was actually really amusing being on the writing side of it. I’ve never written a dense character before - (hint, hint) in one of my future fics they’ll be another slightly dense OC but that’s to come :3

also I think it’s beet red? hahaha omg I’m always afraid that my fluff is cringey but whelp it’s good for the ‘crackness’ of the fic.

you really like and something is like about to Happen™ and you're like DEAR LORD IT'D BE SO FREAKEN GREAT IF [BLANK] HAPPENS and then BAM!!!! you make it happen!!! It's like you've read the reader's mind and then as you were reading their mind you wrote it! Lmao! You gave us everything we could've wanted 😭😭😭 this fic is like everyone's guilty pleasure there's no holding back, you've indulged us with all our wildest dreams ;-; (5/11)

This fic is everything i ever could've asked for& everything i didn't even think about asking for😭& listen idk if this is a latino thing but i love that approval from the parents!! It really warms my heart!! Gah! &the way yoongi was so ready in his nice white button down & nice pants & waxed hair!! That boy was dressed to impress! & i LOVED HOW Y/N'S PARENTS WERE JUST LIKE HER AKDJSHS YOU COULD SEE EXACTLY WHERE HER PERSONALITY CAME FROM😭😭i'm not gonna lie her dad made me rlly emotional(6/11)

like wow what a nice dad ;~; anD HOSEOK'S CHARACTER I LITERALLY LOVED HIM SO MUCH he was so funny!!!!!!! I could feel his passion! Everytime those tears started falling i was like yes👏ho👏seok👏 let it all out boy! 😭👏🙏🙌 i love passionate people! 😂 even if they're ridiculously passionate ajdhsk passion is good! & jin's character! Loved how he was like this untouchable conceited person but after finding y/n crying we pretty much saw he's as much of a weirdo as everyone else 😂(7/11) 

jimin was too much for me tbh i was like boy wHERE IS YOUR DOWNFALL?! (tho that ending was hella cute he really is too pure for this world) and namJOOOOOOOOOOON my boy!! I love namjoon so much ajdkdjg and his character in this story had me on the flooooor he was like the exact opposite of how people usually write him! And i loved it!!! Okay moving on to jungkook that boooooyyy every time he spoke i just glared at him in my head and face palmed he was so sHy such a smol shy bean stop acting(8/11)

Your message is making my heart so warm. If you also notice through my writing, most of the parents (aside from The Wicked Witch) are really nice, approving parents. I do that because of 2 reasons. #1 - ‘The parents trying to rip the kids apart’ trope really pisses me off hahahaha I get so upset and angry as the reader/audience so I never write it. #2 - My own parents would never be so accepting so at least the parents of my characters can be nicer ahaha.

The image of Yoongi dressing up for her parents that you described is exactly like that. I also intentionally tried to make her parents similar to her, give the family the ‘silly village idiot’ vibe haha. Also, writing Jin’s character was one of the biggest things I struggled with since I didn’t know what to basis it off of and I had to go back to watch the vapp episode, I managed in the end though and I’m glad you liked him :3

Oh Jimin....I have no words for him as the writer lol. AND YES NAMJOON! He is my favourite character in the fic by far. Everyone writes him as smart or philosophical, sometimes a sly ‘daddy’ playboy/fratboy but I never knew it would be so hilarious to write him as a complete idiot. Honestly, I might write a fic like that later in the future hahahahahhaha.

like you don't care everyone can see through your act! & OKAY THIS IS TOTALLY IRRELEVANT(well kind of)but i'm not a big shipper between the members, & consequently i don't read a lot of mxm fics but my friend is like OBSESSED with taekook & recently she's been sending me a lot of domestic taekook fics & i read them & love them all cuz they're just so cute!! 😭😭 domestic things in general really pull at my heart strings ;-; so THAT BIT OF IMPLIED TAEKOOK FEELS AT THE END really hit me!! 😭(9/11)

right in my corazon ;-; also, i /totally/ wholeheartedly shipped tae and y/n for like a solid five minutes and i was like LET THEM END UP TOGETHER OR LET /SOMETHING/ HAPPEN but then yoongi swooped back in and i was fully loyal to my y/n x yoongi feels. IDK IF YOU CAN TELL but i really freaking loved and enjoyed this fic, and i know it's gonna be one of those fics that i go back and reread over and over again. This fic had me cringing, laughing, (10/11)

Ah, personally I’m okay with shipping (pretty neutral towards it) but yeah, I don’t read too many mxm fics either. There’s a reason I threw it in. BECAUSE I WAS EXACTLY LIKE YOU! I was writing Tae and the OC and it was supposed to be a way where Yoongi would get lowkey jealous but as I was writing, I thought....wow the OC and Tae are kind of cute together....they should like end up together and then I was like NOOOOO THAT’S NOT PART OF THE PLAN! It broke my heart to make Tae end up by himself so I was thinking about the other characters and I thought Jungkook was the perfect fit, despite their characters being very odd with each other haha.

slapping knees, burying my face into pillows screaming, squealing, & had me making my family thoroughly question my sanity! I want to say that i'm sad that it's over, but i don't think i am! At least not right now 😂 i'm on a reading high, & that was great! Later i'll probably be wishing i could indulge in their adventures forevermore, but for now, i am very, very happy & content with this perfect piece of writing :') bless you, jimlings! & Thank you so so much for sharing this with us!❤(11/11)

Thank you so much. Your message has made my heart warm. I hope whatever you’re celebrating this holiday season, you’ll have a good time.

Are you... Are you serious?!?! 18??? Same day.... Same year!! We're exactly the same age aksjfhskdlsb i'm dead

:O I guess we’re same aged friends!! COOOL!

[santiagostyle]

U kno what plot twist ill only ask u for all the even numbers this time!!! Unless any of the odd ones involve music bc i know those are the ones u rly wanna answer so

MARK THE DAY KIDS JO IS BEING NICE TO ME

anyway this is a hella long post lmao s o r r y

2. name your favourite books; why are they your favourite books and do they affect your writing?

my all time favourite is To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee which like,, I feel like it doesn’t really affect my writing but it definitely reignited my love for literature which I guess consequently led to me getting back into writing??

also the A to Z of You and Me by James Hannah literally ripped out my heart and stomped on it and I’m seriously pretty sure I finished it within a few hours of starting it. That one probably does affect my writing because it’s very angsty but also in terms of style it’s pretty fragmented which is kinda the direction I tend to go in so!!!

I’m yet to make it past the first chapter but the style of Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy is,,, everything 

not technically a book but I’m a theatre major so ofc i’m gonna include a play!!! 4.48 Psychosis by Sarah Kane ripped my heart out, tore it to pieces, threw it on the ground and stomped on it (also side note it took me a solid week and a half to recover from watching it performed live). the style is so abstract and disjointed and strange and fragmented but it’s so so perfect and absolutely heartbreaking (also big ass trigger warning if you’re thinking about looking it up)

ALSO i got about halfway through before life got in the way so I didn’t get the chance to finish it but I absolutely adore the style of Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury and like,,, fun fact I’m actually related to him so ???? i guess writing runs in the family ????? and yeah there are some small parts of that book that I read and thought ‘this sounds like something i would write’ just because i feel like we have pretty similar styles4. why do you like writing? what inspired you to put paper to pen?

I guess I haven’t ever really been happy just living one life or doing one thing at a time so,,,, I write 6. tag any writers that you want to collab with!

hoooooo boy um ?? literally ?? everyone??? but specifically @elsaclack @startofamoment @kasuchi @peraltiagoisland and my girl @johnnydora but for real i wanna write with EVERYONE 8. how many wip do you currently have? which one is your favourite as of the moment?

HA HA HA HA HA for real I literally have like,,, 4 Big Major Fics in the works and then like 11-12 little drabble things also in progress (and by in progress I mean I’ve thought about them and done absolutely nothing else)10. describe your writing in five sentences or less.

sentences suck imma do dot points

- I can’t write chronologically and the beginning of a story is usually the last thing I do

- I have a tendency to write ‘moments’ as opposed to actual full fledged stories if that makes sense? like I find it so much easier to write little ‘scenes’ or slices of life so i often use quite a few time jumps because i find it so difficult to write the stuff that occurs in between big moments

- i always spend so much time and so many words describing the littlest details because those are what i think are most important 

- literally everything i write has a song associated with it and i can’t write without music 

- i either use really long super flowery descriptive sentences, or sentences with like 3 words in them. there is no in between 

12. what do you associate with each of your stories? with your writing in general?

I mean I’ve only published two (2) things on here/ao3 so far but like I mentioned before the music thing so I suppose i associate particular songs with each of my stories?

but also like in general all of my writing comes from a really intense emotional place and like, even if I’m unsure of how my?? mental state?? is doing at a particular time, it comes through in my writing. so if i suddenly only wanna write fluff i know i’m doing okay, whereas i kinda have to be sad to write something angsty like the hellfic14. write a personal history/mini autobiography/author description that you don’t mind sharing.

smol anxious tina fey wannabe spends too much time crying in her room thinking about so many stories while putting off actually writing 16. three pieces of other’s writing that people need to read to understand your inspirations and you?

alright i know like everyone and their dog has already read it but foR REAL @elsaclack‘s sleepwalking changed my goddamn life alright it was literally everything i had ever wanted in a fic and i am still Shooktd to this day okay frick

Veronika Decides to Die by Paulo Coelho is also a book that is very important to me and I think everyone should read it 

Neighbourhood Watch by Lally Katz is the first play that actually made me cry just by reading it (like, I didn’t see it live, I cried reading the actual text) because god there’s so much emotion and so many issues that it deals with that are very close to my heart and it reminded me a lot of some people I’m very close to so!!!!18. make a playlist for people to listen to if they want to understand you.

AIGHT I DON’T HAVE TIME TO DO AN ACTUAL PLAYLIST RN BUT I’M GONNA EDIT THIS LATER AND ADD A LINK BUT FOR NOW HERE ARE SOME OF MY ALL TIME FAVOURITE SONGS:

America - XYLØ

Young Blood - The Naked and Famous

Go Bang - PNAU

Sucker - Peaches

Raspberry Beret - Prince

Salvation - The Cranberries

Hero - Regina Spektor

Caught - Florence + The Machine

Time (Video Version) - Stray Dogg & Devendra Banhart

Leaving the City - Joanna Newsom

September 22nd - Brock Berrigan

Havana - Camila Cabello

Queen of Peace - Florence + The Machine

Regular Touch - Vera Blue

Here I Lie - Marika Hackman

Maneater - Nelly Furtado 

Kiwi - Harry Styles

Shut Up and Dance - WALK THE MOON

Baby I Call Hell - Deap Vally

Motel - Meg Myers20. describe your writing life in one sentence. 

I have been writing since I could hold a pen, and telling stories since before then22. your favourite characters to write and why.

oBVIOUSLY JAKE AND AMY but like I think I find Jake just a tiiiiiny bit easier to write because I’m always talking about Amy, like, externally??24. name one fact about yourself that you want your readers to know about you.

for real i’ve literally been writing since i could hold a pen. my mum still has ‘books’ i wrote when i was 3 about the adventures of my teddy bear lmfao26. what are your writing goals for the week? for the month? for the year? how many words/poems do you write per week?

HAHAHAHH WELLLLLL i was meant to be doing nanowrimo this month but then some Things happened so it hasn’t really gotten done. my biggest writing goal at the moment is to make some soliddddd progress on the hellfic (it’s all planned and a lot of the next chapter is written i just,,, can’t make the words work atm) so!!!

also i pretty much write when i have ideas?? which is,,, not often unfortunately

[rafaelafranzen]

Avoiding tumblr for months paid off

I wasn’t spoiled on anything significant in Kingsman: The Golden Circle that wasn’t in the trailer. And actually fairly surprised that some of the things I saw that were leaked didn’t make it into the final cut of the film. 

I just watched the movie on my birthday, wearing a Ginger Ale inspired outfit, no less. These are my totally unfiltered thoughts. Thank you @hurryeyes and @cephalxin for being my partners in crime today! (embarrassing photos of us with the film posters and such at the end of the cut)  

(Look at how good I am at concealing my emotions rn because I don’t wanna spoil y’all but I’m simultaneously screaming and dying inside please come and talk to me about it I have so many feels)

The only thing I can say that is spoiler free: if you already were a Kingsman fan it’s totally worth multiple watches. This movie, overall, did not disappoint!

Needless to say MASSIVE SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT. 

Also note: I am an unpopular opinions person and I won’t mince my words! Anyone in the fandom is welcome to try and convince me otherwise of whatever I write here. I’ll probably expand on individual thought bites as I rewatch the film.

Generally: There was a LOT of action for people that enjoy that kind of thing, but it sort of made the movie a little too mass-market blockbuster to my liking. I liked it when it was a tightly curated British film. Now it’s kind of a little too bombastic. At least it fits the American nature of the film? The opening action/car driving scene was a little overblown. 

The film’s parody of the American political situation and hard hitting questions on the morality of Duterte’s drug war were not something I expected to go hand in hand. What a nuanced and humourous reading  it was! Really made you think. And laugh. And nod in agreement of “I wish, yeah I wish...”

On Harry:

I’m now headcanoning Harry as Aro-ace. I’ll still have a place in my heart reserved for homoromantic Harry but the aromantic interpretation fits SO WELL with his character in The Golden Circle it’s hard to see him otherwise now. I mean, he said he had nothing flash before his eyes before death so nonchalantly. Not a hint of woe is me. He never made a huge deal about the fact that he had no relationships, just regretted he didn’t take enough time to connect with people. I’ll take aro representation wherever I can find it. It’s important. 

Related: I liked how they didn’t make Harry have a moment where he “had one specific relationship he didn’t pursue because of Kingsman and he regretted it”. That would have been horribly cliche.

Also I’m really pleased that they made Harry’s headshot have real memory loss / PTSD consequences, and they made it emotional + funny + a proper plot point. I got my wish - if Harry didn’t stay dead I wanted them to at least retcon it in a way that wasn’t flippant, and they did it well enough for me to give it a (not even begrudging) pass even though I was previously in the #letharrystaydead camp. 

I was a bit annoyed they put him in the trailer though. They totally robbed us of the shock of discovering he was still alive for ourselves. 

Merlin really, really cares for Harry. It’s obviously a one sided relationship and that unrequited love is such a ripe point to milk for angst for all us Merlahad shippers. That moment where he stopped Harry from being drowned? He cared. Merlin taking offense at Harry NOT KNOWING HIS FAVOURITE SONG? Priceless.

Speaking of ships - There was something for every shipper to twist into making “their own” in this movie. Us Merlahad shippers had our interrogation, post-drowning, the bar scene, and landmine scenes to work off. Hartwin had similar, plus the hug and the martini scene. Cheggsy shippers could pretty much rewrite the whole damn movie to their whim if they needed to. Percilot shippers - uhm. Sorry. Not every ship then. 

Also someone please send me fic (crack or not) of Harry/Elton for shit and giggles please. I’m sure there’ll be some by the end of this week. 

Here be a long ranty bit about Merlin:

You endear us to this man, letting us see his drunken vulnerability, his emotional side (towards Harry) and him in DAT DAPPER ASF SUIT with the “feeling good” line. Him being possessive about his new blade, him being selfless, and then you take him away from us with a bang. How dare you Jane Goldman and Matthew Vaughn, how dare you. 

Also it’s a double whammy for us Merlahad shippers: you take Harry away from us in the first movie and now you swapped his death for Merlin’s? Did you specifically aim to torture us?

But equally: what a spectacular death. It would have been exactly the way Merlin wanted to go - with a great show of unashamed bravado, sacrificing himself for the mission by providing a neat distraction that took out almost all the enemies in one fell swoop. He got to show off his nice new blade, his singing ability in a swan song and pyrotechnics - his favourite -  all at once! It was all incredibly Scottish, almost Braveheart-like. What a way to die! I couldn’t have asked for his death to be better written. They even had Harry and Eggsy had a brief pause for silence before the gunshots continued- they treated it with sensitivity and emotion. They addressed it with a dedication to him later. There was a proper sense of closure. 

As much as Merlin was my favourite character (and will continue to be in the foreseeable future), he should stay dead. Retconning this would be a complete waste of overrationalization and just plain ridiculous. I expected him to get revived because I recall seeing leaked photos of him way back in full Scottish regalia and a kilt for Eggsys wedding or something? I’m kind of glad they didn’t do that, actually. 

Also speaking of deaths - I refuse to believe Roxy’s dead. You don’t give her any action scenes, give her some bullshit intellectual “feed Eggsy intel for making a good impression for his dinner w/ Tilde’s parents”, and then kill her without any significant character use or development? NOT COOL. She survived it. Someone picked her horribly injured self up. She’s hidden somewhere. I don’t care. SHE AINT DEAD TO ME. 

On Statesman & Poppy

They had a female agent already at the table before Ginger Ale stepped up! Also bless Ginger, she’s right up there with Merlin and Harry as my favourite characters now - she’s such a badass. That smirk and complete confidence she had as Agent Whiskey accosted her after being revived and then hitting him with “I’m going to make you get emotionally fucked again, soz” was amazing. The fact that she could out-hack Merlin on the door was a lovely touch. She really could stand toe to toe with him on all matters and I really want to see more of her as Agent Whiskey in future movies. 

I bet people expected much more of Channing Tatum as Tequila in this movie but he spent most of it doing nothing, hah. I didn’t care much for him so that was just fine with me. Champagne  was great - like a friendly uncle who you look forward to visiting. Whiskey wasn’t shabby either, though I didn’t quite like how predictable him double-crossing the duo was. 

Julianne Moore did some great acting as Poppy. Even if the psychopath nature was cliche, she milked that fake saccharine sweet-crazy combo so intently it lent itself to the parodic nature of the Kingsman franchise really well. It was a kind of purposeful overplay. I liked it! 

On the future of the franchise:

I hate to say it but they tied up this movie a little too well. Eggsy didn’t have super significant character development in this one so he felt way less compelling. If they were to focus on him in future movies the plot would be incredibly predictable. Tilde being kidnapped in the first 30 mins of the movie? You bet. 

As much as I’d love to be proven wrong and see more of the Kingsman, I (and I can’t believe I’m saying this) would rather they make a Statesman film showing Ginger’s progression into an agent on fieldwork. I’ll defend my love of British characters to my last breath but this is really the most logical, compelling direction I feel the franchise could take. I’d totally still see the next one whatever the plot was though.  That’s all for now but I’m sure I’ll have more thoughts pinging around my head soon enough. Now, PHOTOS!

Hey, cinemas, newsflash: PLEASE GIVE US WALL POSTERS. It’s really hard to take group photos with floor posters. 

Me, loving my techies

Us before the film

vs 

Us, after the film

I have so many feelings about this movie please talk to me, even if you’ve never spoken to me before and are just a random who found this on the Kingsman tag. @betweentimeand42 I expect you’ll want to yell a lot of things in my direction - now you can!

[ladysophiebeckett]

me trying to talk coherently about ‘steele at it’ vs ‘steele trying’ but i talk about Cannes Agreement for a chunk of it. 

also, let me know if you guys have other thoughts as to when you think laura realized she was in love with steele. 

steele in 3x01 is unapologetic about his actions. he makes excuses and only explains things to laura when he has no other choice. he was unaware that laura (most likely) saw the stanford glee club tour as a couples trip (despite mildred being there, and i totally think it was his idea to bring her, only for laura to also think ‘oh he’s so kind’).  

prior to 3x01 i dont think he was aware that his own feelings ran deeper than lust (bc he uses that word a lot post Cannes Agreement). and I dont think laura knows her own feelings either, only that she was willing to take the plunge and consummate the relationship bc she stopped being afraid and was high on happiness of spending time with him. 

they never make a mention of ‘woman of steele’ again in s3 (except wardrobe bc they understand what’s up) but Cannes Agreement is absolutely influenced by ‘woman of steele’. actions have consequences; laura was standoffish towards him the last two eps of s2 (bc his past came back and it caused her to doubt everything) only finally warming up to him again in 2x22 based on his secret admirer ruse to get her back. 3x01 his past comes back again (and we all know what happens) and laura doubts his feelings again only this time she ends their undefined relationship. which she could have (and had a right to do so) in 2x20. 

they were definitely on thin ice post 2x20--whatever we didn’t see pre 3x01 caused laura to be on cloud nine. im not saying laura at this point realizes she’s in love with him but she does want to be with him (in the sexy way) and i do think that in her mind, at that time and place, she considered solidifying (and defining) their relationship through sex. steele is right (tho i feel like when he said it he was grasping for counter arguments) that consummating their relationship needed a discussion between the two of them. 

personally, headcanon wise---I think laura thought (assumed) she and him were on the same emotional wavelength based on her comments to mildred (...’he’s been more responsible, more caring, and i feel more bolder, more confident...’) in other words, she trusted that she could trust him and bc of that she allowed herself to be a little bit freer, a little more impulsive. only for it all to backfire in the worst way possible. 

the core of s3 is ‘i trust you to be my partner but i don’t trust myself to trust you with my heart anymore’. ( thats a whole other thing that i cant get into rn)

(you: but what does this have to do with---

me: i am getting that 5 ppl that will read this, hold on)

post 3x14, they kind of get back together--but its not the same anymore. the whole second half of s3 is them trying to take another (couples) trip. steele is actively trying to pick up where they left off in cannes and that is A Fact. All the trips are his idea and laura goes along with all of them. For steele, I think he’s trying to make up for what happened in cannes. Thinking that a real trip, just them together (away fm the agency) will be enough to catch them up to speed. (but we all know its not). (but like, i also absolutely believe that steele’s insistent couple trips post 3x14 was him trying to solidify their undefined relationship through sex).

For laura, of course she wants to be with him but too much time has passed, too many snide comments fm steele have been said, too many games have been played between them consisting of making the other jealous only for both parties to be hurt (the wiki s5 article waves at me---hey shut up)---whatever confidence laura had in cannes is long gone and she is floundering. 

‘steele trying’ (3x21) is a good complimentary episode to ‘steele at it’ bc the ruse steele invents is for laura, not against her. laura is shown to admire his skills, not necessarily when he uses them for good, but rather when he includes her. it’s when he excludes her and goes behind her back that both hurts and offends her (and makes her doubt everything). 

steele going to all the trouble of creating a fake case, to lure them to san francisco; all because he wanted time alone with her? on top of that, he confesses it to her, she doesn’t figure it out. he tells her the truth, is regretful, feels awful about it and expects her to be angry. he’s ready to face her anger head on and instead laura is overjoyed at his effort and later on, overwhelmed---bc this shows laura that he cares A LOT. 

steele’s actions in 3x21 are a huge leap in character development from his attitude and actions in 3x01. he’s trying very hard to make their undefined relationship work. the problem continues to be that it is undefined. (this is for a different post i have too many feelings and thoughts its hard to keep them organized) 

Unfortunately, in 3x21 theyre still not on the same wavelength. Laura is afraid to become Bold Laura, afraid of the person who causes Bold Laura to come out---herself, influenced by the feelings Steele invokes in her. (did u think i was gonna say steele? no buddy, this is all psychological. laura needs to see a therapist asap) and that is too many feelings for laura to handle. that is too much vulnerability. what if she ends up being in love with him??? that’s too dangerous. she must abort fm this undefined relationship immediately.

and she does. only to realize that it’s too late. the feelings she was afraid? she’s had them this whole time and she didn’t know until he left her. 

(you know? abandonment. her biggest fear, lol) 

(that’s not to say that im mad at him for leaving. the creative execution of 3x22 makes it impossible for me to be mad at anyone except the old dudes who intervened in their agency’s business). 

[wearethegladiators]

*SENDS BACK A THOUSAND CHEF’S KISSES*

Ptn I’m so inspired but I’m so busy like!! Pourquoi je m’inscris à 2 forums en même temps aussi

Anyway have you seen Tom Felton’s latest IG posts because CASSIEL FEELINGS ARE STILL GOING STRONG

 Visual representation of Wynona by the beginning of Incendio:

Also I guess she’d be sort of middle-ground between Sacha and Nathan?? The dragons are her kids yo, she’s literally in a “the more family I lose the more dragons I will have” sort of shit. BUT at the same my girl likes a good fire…. And so dragons…..

Plus I mean it’s obvious she’s never given up on the Rebellion. She did not want to join originally because of the kids, but she hates so goddamn much this government and like?? The Ryders are muggleborns?? She’s angry as fuck rn.

(The fact that she’s siding with the Muggleborn Resistance is proof of that ofc, but it’s also out of opportunity. She can rebel while doing her own thing, that’s good with her atm. Or so she tries to believe)

Mdrrrr nan c’était pas cringy!! En vrai autant je trouve que certains de mes plots étaient invraisemblables autant j’ai pas été choquée par notre manière d’écrire mdrrrr (bon sauf quelques traits d’humour. Ça, je. Hm. Oui.)

GIVE NATHAN SOME SOLID BROMANCE 2K19 Avec le Charlie Hunnam là, Lily dit pas non :siffle:

  Mdrrrr ouais all this pureblood shit is so awkward for her I swear to God. Pretty sure that at one point she showed up in a Sioux outfit and everyone was like “…….. *cricket noises*”

Tbh Emori’s glow-up for the prime thingy is a 100% Wynona showing up to these events (plus they have relatively similar styles au quotidien) YASSS QUEEEEN (still a weird thought yeah mdr) (i thought at some point Luisa would be a good fc for Wyn btw) (and also Indyamarie Jean!! plus she’s like half native american or so) (but your last gifset i mean??)

BON KIERAN IS ON THE LIST

Omg I didn’t think about it (whispering the names before going to sleep) but 100% this is so HER

I mean even though she stopped her terrorist “phase” (IT’S NOT A PHASE MOM) she’s still living by the words of her family. She’s still angry. She’s still about fire. Tbh she’s gonna die in a ring of fire one way or another

SO THE SHEEPS ARE STILL NOT SAFE OK

(mdr Nathan sweetheart btw)

“but they would put her head on a stick so maybe not.” yeah what about trying to avoid that amirite

“did she anger the yaxley family and if so can nathan and her go after rick yaxley like the power couple they are?? just couple things… murder….arson…” well I mean if Rick and Wynona ever sat at the same table to talk about politics…. I don’t think he would really like her…

plus he’s on the list anyway because he hurt Nathan and Nathan is part of The Tribe™ and no one hurts The Tribe™

Mdr can you imagine Wyn literally bringing Rick to Nathan like “woopsie doopsie I think I may have a present for you” :arrow: (MAYBE A SIMPLE TEAMING UP WOULD DO UH) (mdr Rick is a bitch don’t tell me he’s not gonna make girlfriend jokes)

RED. Honestly I thought she’d be dead BUT I actually like to think of her as having survived the shitstorm, being still relatively sane and undyingly loyal to Nathan?? Because that’d be quite a plot twist judging who she is, but it would be interesting to see her as “wiser”, and especially, the ride-or-die lieutenant (ISN’T THAT SUPPOSED TO BE LILY THO OY)

(I mean especially if Red was close to Aron, she’s definitely trying to live up to his memory, so there’s that as well)

Wesh Win is gonna make so much fun of the MacFusty if they didn’t even play the dragons card 

NOW I really think Carmen and Win must have teamed up on some terrorist shit. No wonder the world c o l l a p s e d

(yeah yeah, Nathan-Carmen-Wynona is such a bad idea. Let’s not do it. Never ever. *winkwink*)

I mean they could be a trouple. I wouldn’t be incredibly surprised to learn that Win has hooked up with Carmen once or twice tbh :siffle: (WHY IS EVERYONE HAVING SEX WITH EVERYONE)

And meanwhile

My girl Lily

Anyway. NATHAN EXPELLED WYNONA. No wonder there’s some unresolved angst™ (actually, maybe not so much. Wynona is all about justice and she’s going to respect any decision/”trial”. She’s a “I did what I did and I will face the consequences of it” gal.)

 I read “try yoga hug” and I’m honestly here for it

“I AM going to be 23 and who am i??? i cry at cute animals videos!!! sometimes i forget to eat!!!” This was so relatable it kinda hurt tbh :////

MDR NATHAN AND LILY LAUGHING ABOUT THE SHIT THEY DID IN THE WAR IS A BIG-ASS MOOD, come on why’s everybody so serious :face:

THE MURPHY GIF

Nathan and Lily are gonna have so much fights omg

RICK GETTING INTO LILY’S HEAD????? …. kinda makes sense….

“how is nathan supposed to RELAX and let lily BE when she’s always in so much trouble?????” TROUBLE USUALLY FINDS ME BITCH. True tho, sorry big bro

“ça me fume” ptn Elo t’es si française jpp j’adore

THE REBELLION AND THE MUGGLEBORN RESISTANCE CLASHING WOULD BE SO DRAMATIC OMG I’m here for it

I don’t even think that would be a trigger for Lily tho tbh because active denial™ BUT there definitely would be people calling her on her bullshit (maybe even Fury??? Who sort of created this whole dynamic, or at least pushed her into that direction)

 Gnnn I actually love Fury so much, I’m binge-watching Peaky Blinders rn and I LOVE CILLIAN MURPHY TO DEATH and it just hit me that Fury could be an!! Irish!! Traveler!! THE POTENTIAL. Gypsy magic I’m so so so here for it

(also people probably don’t understand any shit he says so Lily has to translate it all)

(he likes (well, respects) Nathan a lot btw, too bad it’s not réciproque :( probably really likes the Blackbird girl too hihi)

“it’s okay they’ve been busy they just kinda forgot that they’re not JUST the red leader or morrigan or an auderic or a mudblood, they’re also FAMILY” THE TEARS IN MY EYES BITCH THIS IS SO TRUE

They really really really really need to talk it out/hug it out

Lily’s so far deep tho, like even if Nathan calls her out on her bullshit once she’d be like “Idk what you’re talking about, I’m fine, really, SI SI”

BUT she really needs to have this emotional breakdown where she goes like “there HAS TO be a reason why I’m still alive?? I HAVE TO save these people?? My people???”

Omg this moment is 10000% happening when Nathan’s losing his leg

She’d feel so guilty, like she failed to protect him

One thing I’ve always liked about Nathalily’s relationship is how it’s not what it seems like at first glance?? Cause it sounds like Lily is heavily dependent on Nathan’s for protection and Nathan’s needs Lily so much to “protect him emotionally” sort of? And actually Lily needs Nathan so fucking much to stay sane/ALIVE and Nathan needs his baby sister to save his drunken/reckless ass every once in a while :’))) IN MY MIND IT’S WAY CLEARER BUT ANYWAY

FEELS

She’d be there in a SECOND as soon as she hears about Nathan getting hurt

Idk why I have the scene of the Weasley twins after George lost his ear in mind

That’s definitely round 2 of “you’re my family too, I lost sight of that” and “I’M SO PROUD OF YOU BITCH” (mdr the “Nathan doesn’t cry but I sure do” part was so relatable mdrrrr)

Anyway drama drama drama feels feels feels!!

Also I actually don’t want Nathan to lose his leg, he’s already in emotional pain yo :’(((((

Can we talk about how Nathan and Wynona used to be sex-symbols/rock stars/badass athletes and now they’re both CRIPPLED

(I’m sorry but Nathan losing a leg also quite inevitably means Wynona being back into the picture)

Maybe he’s been sent to the Blackbird ranch for recovery :’)))

Makes me think that Lily is actually still… “whole”??? Like she’s got scars and shit but in spite of everything she’s been through she’s physically still ok? (besides the Occlumens thingy)

Interesting how the weaker one is still fully in capacity hé

I mean she’s got that black magic wound thing…. WAIT

WHAT IF IT’S ACTUALLY A CURSE

I always thought this was a progressive thing and this would eventually kill her

Have I already considered having Lily die in the middle of the night because of this when she survived so much shit?? YES YOU’RE NOT THE ONLY ONE CAPABLE OF THIS

But my girl deserves better so

Anyway what if it’s a curse actually related to death and this is why she attracts/is attracted to death so much???? Deatheaters may have done that to make fun of her survivor/Banshee vibes but that would make sense?? (i don’t really appreciate death eaters’ humor yo)

What’s this quote again

“Her presence always signed imminent death, torture, betrayal, or some other horror”

I’m having I D E A S I need to sort this out

 ‘est-ce que lily va se faire soulever un jour’ MDRRRRR didn’t have a drink but it was TOUT COMME ptn Lily’s MY DAUGHTER j’étais pas prête DU TOUT

En vrai interesting because they’re all screwing each other but Lily… I mean she was supposed to hook up with this one guy on Excidium but besides that?? I honestly don’t think she’s ever been with anyone else since the beginning of the war??

Mdr she had so many boyfriends in Hogwarts and now look at her

But she doesn’t have time for that? And she doesn’t want it? And she wouldn’t be able to take it if she lost that other person too?

ACTUALLY that would do her so much good but she just can’t see that

MAYBE FURY??

Mdr sorry pls let her have a nice functional guy

(funny how Wynona’s quite openly bisexual when coming from a very close-minded family and I think of Lily and Aron as strictly straight when they come from a much more tolerant background?? Idk)

(anyway yeah the Evans were Christians but at least for the parents it was this whole “RELIGION IS ABOUT LOVE, ALL TYPES OF LOVE” vibe)

(anyway je diverge)

Also she’s still pretty much traumatized by the fact that she lost her first love and learnt about it… almost a year later mdr

She carried the earrings he gave her for SO LONG, she probably lost it by now but still

It’s like the original trauma of the war

(sometimes I think about the toxic aspects of Mily’s relationship but today is not the day)

“do you think nathan will ever see that lily is not a kid anymore or will he always be like “oh yes my little sister she’s like… 15….” even when they’re both 30…40…50 years old lmao” MDR BIG ASS MOOD I LOVE THEM

Wait Edan’s ooooold

Sacha’s breaking my heart pls tell him I’m sending a hug

“SORRY I’M JUST A DRAGON RIDER” WESH

“SORRY I JUST HAVE VOICES IN MY HEAD” :arrow:

Lily probably felt this so much when she first arrived to the Rebellion, she was still a kid and Nathan was overprotective and she wasn’t a great fighter and no one could understand how she had made it??

Just thinking how the rebellion may have tried somehow to exploit Lily’s banshee capacities and how Nathan would not appreciate it :’) but she’d thought it was kind of her only weapon so

Idk but yeah banshee!Lily is canon I guess

Tbh I LIVE for the idea of characters never meeting in Hogwarts even though they were so close?? Idk like Wynona/Nathan, even Sacha/Lily

Or maybe she’d know him vaguely

Lily was quite known as the gnome that will kick anyone’s asses for calling someone a Mudblood so maybe something like that, but not a full-fledged friendship?? Or once again they almost killed each other in Quidditch you know, shit happens

That’d be fun tho if they recognized each other

SACHA AS THE THERAPIST AND PEOPLE THROWING THINGS AT HIM I’M :’((((( we don’t deserve him do we

Meanwhile Wynona

·         lmao no one: 

·         literally no one:

·         wynona: hey you want to FIGHT bITCH?

WILLY

Mdrrrr bah Kira avait quand même mis une tarte à Lily (ou l’avait poussé dans un mur aussi je crois) et il était devenu son psy LE CHAOS

(bon et Milo essayait de noyer Lily/lui faisait exploser des bouteilles de bière sur la tête/faisait des rape jokes aussi des fois)

(NOT TODAY ON A DIT)

Anyway: chaotic energy is the least we can say mdrrrr

Mdr I’m here for a weekend d’escapade tbh (NO JOHN DO involved tho)

Mdr Nathan really was a piece of shit on Les AM sometimes :’) can Lily tell him already how she admires that he became a better man at war

I mean she kind of feels it you know

NATHAN AND WYNONA CASUALLY DISCUSSING TRAUMA IS *chef’s kiss* (mdr sorry but this whole part about emo!Nathan made me laugh so much mdrrrr)

They’re definitely gonna fight on their first meeting and I’m here for it

I mean Wyn is NOT hard to trigger and she’d be so mad she may let slip some personal stuff like “SO YOU’RE THE ONE NEVER SHOWING UP TO LITTLE PURIES PARTIES”

Also it’s a fun dynamic bc that means they may know their whole names and faces and sort of family backgrounds when the Rebellion was still all about anonymity at that time?? Mdr she’d feel so threatened she’d probably think “I won’t hesitate to murder this mofo if he becomes creepy yo” but then he’s hot

Wynona leaving him kicking his ass without giving the info

Wynona showing up to the next rebellion meeting without him being aware, grumpy face bras croisés *sigh*

I don’t why I’ve always felt a Dorne vibe with both the Blackbirds and the Shafiqs but ANYWAY they could get along well

Too bad Wyn just wants lands for her kids and dragons

PLOT TWIST: THE WEDDING WE WERE TALKING ABOUT ACTUALLY IS THAT OF WYN AND NATHAN

Mdr now I have that in mind THANKS ELO

I mean…. That we could be a temporary thingy…. We’re trying to heal each other we love each other… until we realize we’re burning each other up too much…. *falls* *dies ensouvelie sous les feels*

Mdr the pureblood reactions

Btw vu que je rame sur mon chapitre JE SPOILE mais en gros je voulais finir sur une base de 2 mangemorts qui discutent de la newbie Blackbird et qui finissent par lâcher un « faudrait peut-être redessiner les plans de table. Manquerait plus qu’elle s’accoquine avec l’Auderic » MDRRRR

Sorry

YDRIA YDRIA

I mean she needs to come to the wedding

PLOT TWIST²: the “bad guys” (Ydria, the Americans) are actually HELPING the rebellion (they’re still scary people tho I’m not sure we should want that)

they’re all originally coming for the wedding

(but!! Native American magic!! Sorry)

PTN NATHAN AND WOLVES JSUIS MORTE PARCE QUE

There are wolves on the Blackbird ranch, we don’t know why they’re from BUT THEY’RE HERE

WYNONA NOT KNOWING AND PROUDLY SHOWING THEM TO NATHAN

(or if they’re still en froid just mentioning it casually thinking it’ll make him happy)

Aron found a dog at some point and it literally ended up being his last true friend/source of joy and this dog MAY VERY WELL HAVE LOOKED LIKE A WOLF

This dog may be following Lily everywhere now?? (Or did she let him go because this was too painful)

Aron had also adopted a kid btw mdr

A kid Lily is now raising :’) Mom!Lily may be rising in the end

ANYWAY THE FEELS FEELS FEELS

Wynona showing up to the battlefields with 2 dragons and Nathan with wolves?? Has anyone ever made fun of our crippled huh????

(I’m here for a pureblood recap thingy bc I actually don’t know enough about them to write about it hihihi)

(merci pour la chrono btw!!!!!)

 just seen one of the gifsets you’ve reblogged and is Nathan ever gonna call out Lily on a “THE MORRIGAN? IT’S A STORY FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD” basis??

idk if you can tell but I stopped the 100 for a while, went back to it and I’m having loads of Blake siblings feels zhgfshfslq

I’m also having Nathange feels now. Why can’t Nathan have simple relationships with women

PTN IF RICK IS RESPONSIBLE FOR NATHAN’S LEG I know at least 2 women that will come for him :face: :face: :face:

CARMEN GET IN LOSER you’re also part of the Nathan defense squad amirite

the Morrigan, a child ripper and une ex-tueuse à gages come knocking to your door

PTN BACK TO WYNONA AND SACHA AND GIVING EACH OTHER DRAGONS

Wynona raised one of her dragons. He’s a scary dragon. He’s a threatening dragon. What if the dragon raised by Sacha is goofy af and keeps on making “”jokes”” and Wynona’s always looking at him like “……..” but she secretly loves him/her to death just like Sacha arfhdhsfhqfcq and also she can ride him/her!!!!!

AND WHAT IF THE DRAGON WYN HAS GIVEN TO SACHA IS SO OVERPROTECTIVE

LIKE A MOTHER

And Sacha will never be at peace anymore because this dragon is always watching his ass :’) through his window while he’s sleeping :’) through the ranch while he’s working :’)

CAN MY HEART TAKE ANYMORE FEELS AND CAN THEY BE ABOUT DRAGONS

(I also appreciate Nathan and Wyn together A LOT because they’re both such n e r d s like omg some of the discussions they must be having)

Just saying I’m very excited for Nathan’s story hihihihi!!!!!! It’s been so long since I haven’t read you btw!!!

Alice’s death :’(((

NATHAN ALREADY LOST HIS LEG???? I’m not ready I don’t want this bb :( :(

Ptn je regarde plus TWD depuis des années mais je viens de voir une vidéo sur Carol and NOW I NEED une ex-Auror trop badass, genre Maugrey Fol Œil en féminin, dans la résistance et/ou la rébellion

Et Rosita qui a un bb !! PTN MAINTENANT J’IMAGINE WYN ENCEINTE MAIS

Ecoutez j’ai un train à 7h demain il me semble plus raisonnable d’aller se coucher c’en est trop pour mon cœur

Je sais pas si j’ai dit quoi que ce soit de constructif dans ce post mais yallah bye homies <3

[simkjrs]

ch6 asks, cont’d.

Anonymous said: read the latest chapter and honestly even though im screaming in agony, i absolutely love this drama. i really cant wait to see where youre going with this. it also makes me happy to see you make so many good characters autistic, it feels nice to be able to relate to actions. also, izuku's entire internal conflict in this chapter? BIG MOOD.

fdjdkljf happy to hear someone’s enjoying it!! also, thank you for the feedback -- it’s nice to know that i’ve done alright,representation-wise. :^)

Anonymous said: just wanted to tell you that i'm at the spot when izuku basically tells it like it is to kacchan. and it's pretty much spot on. from what i can tell. from real life experiences. I sincerely hope that this time in your life is past if you've had to experience something like this or you have people you can turn to. otherwise, dude, you are scarily good at writing. i'm seriously afraid of how this conversation is going to turn out. the chapter's really beautiful and honestly just inspiring. thank u

this is such a nice ask i didnt know what to do with myself after reading it? 

no comment on my real life situation except that everything’s fine right now. i haven’t experienced everything that izuku is dealing with (or at least.. not to that degree?) SO i’m just extrapolating beyond my own life & experiences, and also incorporating what i’ve learned by reading through accounts by people who have actually lived through these things. thank you for writing in, and thank you for your concern 

@ceilingbattles​ said: I just wanted to say thank you so much for the new chapter <3 honestly its my favourite fanfiction, and I just really appreciate all the work you put into it, its amazing!!! (I don't have an ao3 account, just really wanted to let you know). Also just wow. that was a chapter. 100% worth it, I will read it repetitively on my phone as I have the rest of the fic.

thank you!! it’s really nice to hear that, and i feel incredibly honored to have written someone’s favorite fic. i hope it continues to live up to your expectations!

Anonymous said: i feel like byggualom! izuku and suneater would get along very well. kindred spirits kinda thing

both of them have massive anxiety so they can definitely empathize with each other, and i think izuku would do his best to accommodate suneater! it would be really exhausting for izuku though, i think, so while they’d get along well i don’t know if they’d be good for each other for extended periods of time. anxiety echo chamber

@aliceofbrokendreams​ said: Can I give you a hug? Cause if writing the first half invoked as much emotion as it did in me reading it, you should have one.

yeah... it was really hard writing this chapter. thank you 

@slightlyobssesive​ said: I would just like to say that this chapter took me four hours to read and then another one to compose myself to type this. On one hand I absolutely adore you because some parts had me so happy and the portrayal of Izuku's abuse is handled so well. On the other hand though I am cradling my heart that has been shattered into about 3 million pieces and screaming why because this chapter emotionally destroyed me. I cannot properly express my current feelings in this small amount of space just WHYYYY

im sorry but also im completely not sorry, THANK YOU FOR READING DESPITE YOUR DEEP PERSONAL SUFFERING 

and also thanks for your feedback re: the representation of izuku’s abuse! i’m glad i was able to convey it well!

@abrcmhatford​ said: i uh wanna say that i really appreciate how you're handling izuku's reaction to realizing that yeah, it was abuse, because people brush over the recovery a lot, and i've been in izuku's shoes and i think you captured the entirety of it really well. it's rough and it's really hard and it's still hard and i like how you didn't just ignore the gritty details and kept pushing. thanks

yeah! i wanted to write something that was about recovery, and moving forward, and doing your best despite your circumstances. i pulled on my own experiences with depression and other things to try and write this, and what i learned, so... i’m happy to hear it resonated with someone else too. i hope that you’re out of that situation now, and that things are better for you. thank you for your feedback. it means a lot to me. 

@angryqueermermaid​ said: you. absolute motherfucker.

alright now that name calling is out of the way I must say that you have the BEST portrayal of depression and anxiety I have EVER seen. like. holy shit my guy. the entire ch I was just like. "same? same. SAME." and, well, while that was a fucking kick in the pants, it was so.... confusingly cathartic??? in a good way??? to watch izuku struggle with the shit I have felt, in ALL aspects of life like being vunerable and/or high energy/socialization settings. fucking. GOD MY KOKORO.

FUCK WHAT I'M TRYING TO IS THAT YOU DID GOOD

i once saw a quote that said something like, “if you want to make someone a monster to society, first make sure they never see themselves in your stories.” it’s a morbid quote, but i feel like it explains well why it’s so meaningful when you see yourself reflected in a story. i know the first time i read a chinese-american protagonist, and one who wasn’t interested in romance to boot, i was in junior high and it made me so happy because i’d never had that representation before. 

that’s one of the reasons i write so many characters with mental illnesses or trauma -- i don’t see enough of us in mainstream stories, and i think those stories need to be told, just so we can remember that we aren’t alone. i’m really glad you found catharsis reading chapter 6, and that i was able to catch some of those struggles you go through. thank you for writing in!

Anonymous said: OF COURSE YOU POSTED YOUR LONG-AWAITED SIXTH CHAPTER IN JUNE

and yet, i missed the anniversary!!!! a failure!!!!

Anonymous said: sometimes I just go to your blog to make sure you're okay. like of you're blogging then you're either okay or trying your hardest

i’m not actually sure if this was a ch6 asks but it was sent with the rest so. thank you. it soothes me to know that someone out there is thinking of my wellbeing, because i sure don’t and i guess someone has to. (but in all seriousness, that’s really sweet)

Anonymous said: Hey! I just wanted to let you know that I loved the chapter 6 a lot! As a writer, I can understand not being entirely happy with your work, but as someone who recently got out of a very unhealthy situation, it makes me happy that you put it up anyway! Izuku's recovery mimicked mine in a lot of ways, especially the coming to terms with it. His talk with Yagi about grief hit very close to home, but also was very inspiring, if that makes any sense!! So sincerely, thank you so much! ^u^

i’m really happy to hear that!! i tried to catch the feeling / moment i had when i was getting through my depression, where for two weeks or so i was so miserable all the time and just wanted to... stop. it’s hard to explain, but one day i got up in the morning and knew that i was just tired of all this, tired of stagnating in the same place and tired of being miserable all the time, and maybe i couldn’t get rid of my depression but at the very least i had to try. if i was able to convey any of that through izuku’s conversation with yagi, then i’m satisfied. thank you!!

Anonymous said: Thank you for sharing your writing with us

and thank you for appreciating it! <3

@chocowl​ said:  From start to end this was a rly good chap. The recovery process, the relationships, and everything else was so good. I esp liked how Izuku mobilised his network and how Katsu got some Consequences. And Mitoki... much gold as always! Altogether: thank you for this journey! I loved it and i love you for creating such amazing content. Ihope you have an amazing day and time! :) xoxo

(sorry i split up your asks into two different posts! categorization purposes...)

i’m really glad you enjoyed that!! i worked so hard on the emotional atmosphere of this chapter, haha. glad to see it paid off. <3 <3 thank you for all your feedback, too, and also the really nice art you’ve made for me!

Anonymous said: someone made a pinterest board for The Fic! it looks p small rn (111 pins?) but its kinda cute

i don’t have a pinterest account so sadly i can’t zoom over and check it out, but wow... i’m really honored!! thank you for letting me know! 

Anonymous said: later, when Eri comes in- what would happen if byggualom!izuku was shot by Eri's quirk-removing drug? everyone's expecting something to happen but Izuku would be fine, considering he has no quirk (as far as he knows?)

muscular used izuku’s body to smash a concrete sidewalk into smithereens and izuku didn’t have so much as a scratch, one of the quirk-removing drugs’ bullets wouldn’t even have a chance. so actually, everyone’s question would be “what the hell is up with your skin” 

anyways, if you’re wondering if we’ll ever get a reveal, don’t worry. it’s coming. :^)

[allisonawakened]

Thank you for the answer about free will, it's something that has really bothered me lately, I've always believed in free will but certain things like when people talk about karma and astrology that confuses me a lot but I'm not sure I believe in karma anyway except just consequences and thought cycles and patterns. Could I also ask what play astrology has to do with this if free will is a thing and astrology is very fixed? Especially Vedic astrology, or their beliefs about astrology. Thank you!

( part 2 ) Oh and I must say that I’ve started to get a weird feeling when I focus on certain things, it’s like I’m more aware of how things I do everyday interact with my past and present and how my focus could really change my personality and who I am in the long run. It’s very subtle energies but at the same time very powerful bc right now I’m making decisions and needing to plan a bit for the future and you’re kinda right it’s a bit like a web or different tunnels of energies connected to

( part 3 )connected to each other and the more you focus on one thing instead of another I can kinda feel the consciousness and possibilities line up to a different path. I think that must have to do kinda with me being led by spirit or my intuition just because I have so many choices to make rn since I just graduated. Sorry for the long asks and thank you for the work you do on this blog, it’s very helpful and I need to get a reading from you as soon as a get a job haha won’t be long I hope😊🙃

Hi, Hi, Hi!

You are so very welcome for my last answer re: Free Will. It’s why I’m here and do this. What I don’t know from personal experience, I ask Spirit about. And sometimes not even my own Spirit Guides - but any Spiritual Allies floating about that are willing to engage in real, honest, thought-provoking conversation.

You ask some really compelling Spiritual things. 

And a long Ask = an even longer Answer ;)

So I’ve answered your questions in 3 sections below:

Astrology & Free Will

Vedic Astrology… Say What?

Psychic Awareness While Living: Healthy or Not?

Note (for those following along at home): I do reference some concepts previously discussed in [ My Post / Answer about Whether I Believe in Free Will, and Why / Why Not ] …. If you are arriving late to the party (and happen to find this interesting), I suggest you read through that first.

* Keep Reading to learn more about the relationship between Astrology & Free Will, my channelled thoughts on Vedic Astrology, as well as how Psychic Awareness & Abilities can Influence How we Choose to Live / Behave *

Astrology & Free Will

I can read Astrology. I know a fair amount about it. It’s more of a hobby / personal interest of mine. I also offer reads on my website on the basis of different planetary and zodiac energies, but I am so very NOT a self-proclaimed “Expert” in that field. So my answer is based on personal opinion, experiences with Spirit, and channelling happening right now as I invite Spirit in to discuss this.

I see Astrology (as a method of reading, learning more about people & situations) like a similar Spiritual Study & (ultimately) Spiritual Tool - used to seek / flush out information about the self. This to me is really similar to how I also see other Spiritual Studies / Tools - like: Numerology & Palmistry.

There is a reason why practicing Astrology is called, “Charting”. I see it exactly as that. A chart of the position of planets at the time of your birth, determining which Houses & Zodiac Signs influence (energetically) the planets’ relative positions in your Chart (upon birth). And therefore, likely characteristics, personality traits, motivating factors, and emotional responses you may (or - to be fair - may not) possess in your life.

So (in my opinion) a Natal Birth Chart is like an energetic Road Map of YOU, based on the measurement of the relative position of the Planets & Zodiac signs.

Just like how - the sum total of the numbers associated with your Name or Birthdate (Numerology), is like an energetic Road Map of YOU, based on the energetic / symbolic significance of each Number in relation to your “Life Path” Number, “Soul” Number, “Destiny” Number, “Personality” Number, and other significant numbers in your life.

Just like how - the markings on your Palm (Palmistry), are like an energetic Road Map of YOU, based on the measurement of your “Life Line”, “Head Line”, “Heart Line”, “Planetary Mounds”, and other such markings.

Although each of these methods, in turn, are super cool, interesting, unique, and compelling… They are as I said: Road Maps.

Much like how we Map our planet, we see Maps everyday, we use Google Maps (GPS), just because we are aware of the information of where we could possibly go / travel to in life DOES NOT MEAN we will see & visit everywhere we have seen on a map or even heard of.

There are things in our Natal Charts - connected to Astrology - that will resonate and make sense / help you to identify & define yourself, your motives, your actions, your emotions, your behaviours… But just because you have that Natal Chart DOES NOT MEAN you will experience and behave *exactly* like everything that has been charted out for you.

That’s where, in my opinion, these schools of thought are tools for us to better know ourselves. But at the end of the day we still have Free Will and possess the ability to choose / decide all aspects of ourselves and our lives - WITH or WITHOUT the added information of our Astrology / Natal Chart, Numerology, or Palmistry.

They may serve to fill in some blanks for us, but they do not pre-determine how we will think, act, feel, behave, or CHOOSE in our life.

Side Note:

I have a client that is a Professional Astrologer. And when reading with them they fully admit to me “Yes, what you say from Spirit is true based on what I’ve already Charted for myself… But I wish to act *outside* of what I’ve Charted. So what does Spirit have to say about that?” ***

*** This is me paraphrasing / glossing over what has been said, as my sessions with clients are confidential.

Vedic Astrology… Say What?

Okay so Full Disclosure (because I’m super honest and don’t know how to be anything other than that): 

I have no idea what Vedic Astrology is. I am curious though.

So I’m going to do a quick Google for the definition of that and see what Spirit has to say…

* 3 Minutes Pass *

OHHHHHH.

So Vedic Astrology is… Astrology. But traditional Hindu / Indian Astrology. And it seems to be most focused on Charting / Mapping for the purpose of determining one’s “Destiny”.

Gotcha.

Note: If I’ve butchered that quick-3-minute-Google-dive explanation, I do so thoroughly apologize AND encourage you to write in to *lovingly* provide further information not only for myself, but those that read my blog.

Spirit is showing me that Charting one’s “Destiny” via a Vedic Astrology Reading is no different than what I do as a Psychic Medium when I tell my clients what I see for them in the future (via my Clairvoyant & Clairaudient abilities - visions & spoken word from Spirit).

And Spirit goes further to say (as soon as I’ve typed that up) - “Yea, that’s pretty close Allison”.

So rather than speaking about Vedic Astrology at this point (something I don’t know / practice) - I’m going to switch over to speak about reading the future as a Psychic Medium (something I do know / practice)… Because Spirit has given me the “Green Light” to say that the two are comparable, in terms of the end goal / achievement (pre-determining one’s future). The means though (technique) could not be ANYMORE different ;)

So as a Psychic Medium when I read the future I am reading the highest possible likelihoods / probable events (think Statistical Maths for a second here), based on who you are, how you behave, and the decisions (Free Will) you are enacting in your life right now (so in maths - the “known variables”).

I imagine in Vedic Astrology, the Astrologer is Charting your highest possible / probable “Destiny”, based on your Natal Birth Chart AND the predicted trajectory of the Planets through each of the Astrological Houses & associated Zodiac signs - something that is mathematically pre-determined.

I feel like I’m speaking a lot of jargon here.

BASICALLY. The words that are most important that I just typed are: HIGHEST POSSIBLE LIKELIHOODS, HIGHEST PROBABLE EVENTS, HIGHEST POSSIBLE “DESTINY”.

As with Statistical Maths, there are outliers. Or rather, DATA THAT CANNOT BE ACCOUNTED FOR OR CHARTED. 

In Psychology you would maybe say that: “Past Behaviour predicts Future Behaviour”. 

Key Words: Predicts! Does not guarantee.

So the way I see it [ WITH HEAPING AMOUNTS OF HELP FROM SPIRIT ] is that Vedic Astrology, or even what I do as a Psychic Medium (when consulting Spirit about a client’s future), is really our “best educated guess” about your future or “destiny” based on your past (or in Vedic Astrology - your Natal Birth Chart & the predicated future position of the planets relative to the Astrological Houses & associated Zodiac signs). 

The past - by the way - is something that is Linear. It’s happened. Everything is known to you (and Spirit). The only unknowns are thoughts, decisions, motivators, behaviours, emotions, etc. of those around you that may have at one point or another, influenced your life.

The future - as I said in my post about “Free Will” - is a web of potential.

So can Vedic Astrology influence / supersede Free Will?

In my opinion… No.

Just because something is charted / calculated / psychically determined, doesn’t mean it will *actually* happen in that exact way.

YOU are the “unknown” variable in that equation. Or rather, your Free Will. 

You can choose at any time to turn Left instead of Right. 

Even if your map, your GPS, your significant other, your family, or every other variable in your life point towards turning Right. You still have the ability to *randomly* turn Left.

Psychic Awareness While Living: Healthy or Not?

Ever heard of the phrase:  “Too much of a good thing”?

That’s how I see this Spiritual / Psychic stuff.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s so-so-so amazing. I love my gifts. I love being able to know things / see things / hear things. I love getting “insider” information about my life, my loved ones’ lives, and the world.

BUT.

But, but, but…

Knowing more, feeling more, sensing more… Well that’s not always the *best* thing.

It also reminds me of that phrase: “Ignorance is bliss”

Sometimes knowing less can be best.

When you are (what we now call in the New Age community) “Awake” to the world around you. Spiritually Aware that your are 100% a Spiritual Being / Entity having a Human Experience…

When you are in tune with your Psychic / Intuitive abilities, you work with them, your use them (or… they use you)…

Well when those things happen… Very quickly you may start feeling *extremely* small, in this world, this universe, all universes. And you realize the space around you IS SO FREAKING, BEYOND, BIG. LIKE, BIGGER THAN EVEN THIS. LIKE, BIGGER THAN EVEN ALL OF THE CAP LOCKS IN THE WORLD.

And when that happens. You. Start. Questioning. EVERYTHING.

Not just one thing. Not just teeny weeny things. But.. EVERY. POSSIBLE. THING.

When you possess these gifts and know how to use them?

Well then you: obsess about the past

“what could have been different”

“where would you be now if you have chosen this instead of that?”

“who would you be if he / she / they had treated you differently?”

“who would you be if he / she / they had RAISED you differently?”

“where would you be know if you knew then what you know now”

Etc…

And you also: obsess about the future

“I want *this thing* but what is the best way for me to achieve *that thing*?”

“How will I know when I need to go for *that thing*?”

“Is *perfect timing* even a thing? How will I know?”

“Could there be something I’m doing now that’s actually holding me back?”

“What if I’m working so hard to *do this thing* right now, when it actually won’t even *give me that thing*?”

Etc…

Then the unfortunate outcome of all of that obsession about the Past & Future results in:

Being so, ridiculously, terrifyingly, hopelessly STUCK in the Present.

SO THE SECRET IS:

Please, please, please let me tell you the secret to this…

What I learned a very long time ago is this:

Listen. Receive. Feel. Sense. Gather & Know more information than everyone else that is still “Asleep”. 

Do that. Actively engage in your Sixth Senses. Connect to your Spiritual Allies. Embrace the incredible, amazing, awesomeness that is you & your potential.

Do that. Be that. But then take all of that extra information and THROW ALL OF IT OUT OF THE WINDOW.

IGNORE IT.

Let it come into your awareness, and right back out again.

Because although there is this super-awesome, Psychically-aware, spiritually-savvy, version of yourself. That Spiritual Being / Entity I mentioned earlier.

Although there is her / him / them.

There is also You. The Human Being version of You that is actively living (right. the. frick. now.) this *sometimes heart-rending & emotionally turbulent* Human Experience.

So… Psychic Awareness While Living: Healthy or Not?

Not so much. 

But you can change that with that Free Will of yours… By choosing which messages from Spirit you allow to influence your day-to-day thoughts, behaviour, emotions & actions.

Believe me when I say that this takes practice. It’s easier for some than others. But when you get the hang of it, all of the over-obsessing will be like flies buzzing around your head. Psychic / Intuitive insights that you are aware of but see as things OUTSIDE OF YOURSELF. Energies *you can choose* to feed into, or… (and this is WAY more healthy)… IGNORE.