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tommyssupercoolblog · 8 months ago

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Writing Pattern Tag Game

@bootlegfrank tagged me and @septiccoffeefreak - who shares this post w me because we're writing partners >:3 (frank tagged us indirectly. and then directly because i responded saying i was gonna do it. so in-indirect-diretly(??))

Rules: list the first lines(s) of your last 10 fics and see if there's a pattern. I also said where each one is from in case u don't wanna scroll through our ao3 and do the math urself!!!

all these fics except one r RPF, sooo BE WARNED. i'm putting everything under da cut, and i'm also putting my reblog banner since fanfiction!!! is!!! art!!!

Seán’s about ready to burn his entire calendar.

from "Scheduling Conflicts and How To Cope - A Guide For The Busy Homosexual"

Tommy hates LA with every fiber of his being.

from "City Of Angels"

it's cold, and it hurts.

from "The Part Where it Gets Better (Lads rescue AU)", and also THIS SOUNDS SO WEIRD OUT OF CONTEXT LIKE WHAT'S COLD??? it's water. the water is cold. this is the character based one btw. WE FOUND IT, THE NON-RPF!!!

Tommy inspects Seán’s behelit tattoo carefully, running his thumb over it a little, then kisses it.

I fucking would. kissing all his tattoos right now. mwah. this goddamn MOOD is from "There's No Place Like Home"

Ethan N3st0r was not expecting Seán to still be awake at three AM, even though with jet lag considered, he really fuckin should have.

I censored the name for search but it's not like that in the fic, that's just for tumblr. anyway, from "Three Drabbles In Which Tommy and Seán are bad at Keeping Secrets"

Ethan's the one to bring it up first, on Brain Leak, of all things.

OPENING WITH ETHAN AGAIN LMAOO. this is from "And Suddenly, It Makes Sense."

"So, who would have thought, huh? T0mmy1nn1t and Jacks3pt1c3y3, famous YouTubers, passed away in their sleep on the same night."

censored for tumblr again. from "Count your Soulmates- There's only one."

Seán and Tommy have sleepovers sometimes.

from "kissing practice". very original opening line /sar /lh (also tbh i feel awful about em being evil in this one :( I know its fanfic and i can do whatever I want but like. idk. i'm not accusing em of being mean IRL okay??? OKAY))

Seán spends about fifteen minutes pacing and staring at himself in the mirror, doing breathing exercises his therapist taught him and trying not to rub or scratch his wrists too much.

from "Puppy Love", the closest we've ever gotten to full misce posting on main

They were gluing ducks to a jeep the first time it happened.

FROM "PETNAMES" AND ALSO THE BEST OPENING LINE EVER

INTERPRETATION TIME!!!!

soooo yeah!!! we like to jump right into action as well but I think it's safe to say our autistic ass habits of giving exposition for everything lead to the specific outcome of starting in the middle of a scene, WITH an explanation of the scene. like we're already in the middle of something going on but also sometimes it's exposition at the same time somehow?? or like right after these first lines. idk maybe that's just me????

the way it's usually less (character does this) and more (character does this BECAUSE ____ // character is doing this and FEELING ____) feels like it's trying to give context, to me. but again idk maybe just me

TIME FOR SEÁN'S READING:

@septiccoffeefreak - "What I'm noticing here is more along the lines of just, how we almost always seem to open with a person. Usually by their actual name(s) too and not just a pronoun. I understand what you mean, Tommy, but I don't personally get that vibe? You could totally be right, of course, I just don't pick up on that. I defenitely notice, though, just how many of these are sentences where the literal first word is a name. the two exceptions to that are the pronoun "they" (which is still a person- or two people actually), and then water.

I guess the dialogue could also be considered an exception, but I don't think it counts since it also directly references us as characters.

and that's not something you necessarily have to do. You could open describing scenery or objects, or with dialogue that DOESN'T have the names of the characters in it- you could open with wind through a blade of grass or a character cursing under their breath or someone's cellphone crashing to the pavement or something. So it's definitely an "us" thing, it's a quirk of our writing style and not just normal writing. I don't know if like, we ALWAYS do this, but I do know that in these ten fics you pulled we do. I wouldn't be surprised if we did it like literally all the time as well, but I'm not going to pretend to know every first line we've ever penned to paper. or...print?? I don't fucking know, here, I'm just analyzing sentences on the internet for a tagging project.

Sorry if this ramble is kind of long, I hope it's at least interesting though??? sort of interesting? kind of interesting, in it's own way, hopefully. at least mildly, like a video you didn't turn on but aren't really reaching for the mouse/remote on to change it. You know?? Yeah. Like that. Or more interesting then that, hopefully. Thanks for uh, reading or, whatever, listening if you have a screen reader i guess, I'm getting nervous and it's very obvious because i'm rambling so I'm gonna hand things back off to the birthday boy, Toms. wish Tommo a happy birthday or I swear to fucking god your liver will be missing in the morning and you'll find it at the bottom of your morning cup of coffee."

back to me:

LMAO

wow omg i love my babygirl,,,, that made me laugh >:p

ANYWAYS. i didn't notice that!! oh em gee,,,,, name moment.

YOU SHOULD DO THIS TOO AND SEE IF YOUUUU SEE ANYTHING!!!!!

I'M TAGGING @kalcifers-blog AND.... no one else because all my other mutuals who i know for a fact write have paused as far as i'm aware, bc they're into mcyt RPF like I am and the w1lbvr situation put them on hiatus. and i don't know if any of them are back to feeling up to writing stuff.

I don't write about w1bvr ever and didn't watch him so I wasn't that affected but a lot of people were even if they just watched so like... Kalcie ur alone on here i'm SO SORRIE. ALSO this is /nf so u don't have to if u dont want to :p :3 >:D :000 >:PPPP :000 >:00

#i made a textpost #tommy's og art wow #fanfic #rpf fanfiction #rpf #fanfic rpf #rpf fanfic #fanfiction rpf #tagging game #tag game #tag chain #writting pattern tag game #septicinnit #literally all of these RPF fics. are septicinnit

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spacelizzbian · 1 year ago

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S1ep2

Shoutout to that one time in tcw when someone saw a shadow of a Tooka cat and thought it was Ahsoka approaching

Love that the one most concerned about not blowing up is the droid

Ahsoka be like: "Im already dead inside, just do it"

Hm, I am curious about these dark jedi though. Like the girl still has the padawan braid so they actually do follow some of the teachings beyond the lightsaber techniques I imagine. What better narrative foils to Ahsoka than jedi who have also renounced the order but actually turned to the dark. Can't wait for that parallel to get brought up

This whole sequence in Correlia with the shipyard officer feels so much like clone wars. Like idk what exact episode, but a scenario where the heroes are being toured by double crossers definitely happened

Hera just doesn't sound like Hera to me? I feel like Vanessa would deliver these lines differently. Like it's defenitely similar and I could see myself warming up to it, but my inner Hera voice is not lining up with this Hera

Suprisingly, not having that problem much with Ahsoka. I feel like Rosario Dawson is a good fit for adult Ahsoka though I miss Ahsoka's sassy energy. But that has been mostly lost since rebels which makes sense in that she is older and hardened now but it does make me a lil sad.

"These people dont care about politics, just who is paying them" now that is a sentiment I'd love to see explored more since that is not the impression I got from most civilians under the empire who weren't uber rich and powerful but I guess we have Andor for that

Oh Sabine is the one who is not ready eh? 🤔

The more they tell us about Sabine and Ahsoka's dynamic the more I'm vibing to it??

Yes please give me two disasters desperately trying to cope with the loss they've endured by being disasters together.

Huyang really said "yeah your force abilities suck but could be worth a shot eh?" 😂😭

Hera and Huyang seeing these two absolute disasters and trying to get them to reconnect so they hopefully become less of a disaster is so funny to me? They're the real homies

Protocol droids being clueless to nuances going on around them has to be one of my fav plot progression bunnies in star wars

Ahsoka who has bodied inquisitors brutally before: "oh no a double bladed saber oh nooo"

Them shooting at that inquisitor that Ahsoka follows step by step is so silly

If you didn't care that you hit your own dude, just shoot some more at them so you actually hit them or don't at all

Hot take, but I'm gonna miss Sabine's long hair. The reddish orange and purple looked real good

Wish I made a bingo for this show cause "rebels epilogue shot gets remade" would've def been on there lmao

"It's more me" 🥺

I just realised the real threat to Ahsoka in this show is not any force user or Thrawn or whatever.

It's that she's taken on the role of mentor, a dangerous profession to have in any media but especially star wars

"Her determination is vivid" NO WAIT ANAKIN SAID THAT TOO IN TCW S3 FINALE. I LOVE THAT MOMENT 😭

#ashowka #ahsoka #ahsoka spoilers #sabine wren #hera syndulla #huyang #sw #lizzz makes a post

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komickj · 1 year ago

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Sophmore Year Update

What's up! Last time I updated this blog(?) was Decemeber of last year when I was in my 9th year (Freshman) of school!

I am now a sophmore! I survived my freshman year without too many complications. I was outed the last four months of the school year but only in my P.E. class which I thankfully didn't share with any friends.

I moved schools however!

New school, new me? I was pretty stealthy and against socializing with other LGBT+ people last year (stupid decision I know). I decided to meet up with some old friends who were all LGBT+ and it went pretty well.

I am defenitely much better at socializing with cis-guys however, the jokes I make and the stuff I talk about don't mix well with my other friends.

They're awesome and try to go with it but I can see it just isn't their humor.

Anyways! I'm still in P.E. but have had no suspicions. And if there was any, the guys I hang with are super accepting.

The one time trans-topics was brought up one of the cis-guys I hang with (he's gay, important for context) asks if he's straight if he fucks a transgender guy.

I answer him truthfully and say "nah". He thinks about it and goes on some more and my other two homies butt in and say "nah" as well.

All in all, they seem pretty okay with it.

Will not be coming out though, I like being stealth. I'll leave that for another post however. Thanks for reading my rambles.

(Have a picture of my dog!)

#trans #transgender #ftm #trans man #female to male #transman #transgenero #/rambles #school life

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plutoswrath · 4 years ago

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✧ astro notes and titbits ✧

part 1, part 2 x

- a common misconception regarding the South and North Node: it’s not the mission to abandon your South Node, it just represents what you already learned and brought with you here on earth and should be expanded. The Lunar Nodes represent a constant seek for balance, South and North Node should both be equally integrated in ones life.

- regarding North Node: the North Node is more an uncomfortable placement as it pushes us towards what we don’t know and have a hard time understanding and integrating in our life, even though we desire it. The North Node is impulsive and aggressive in its desire and thus, on the negative side, can equally lead to trouble when blindly followed.

- when looking at our own, or even other aspects, especially the harsh ones, we always have to consider the age of the person. As you grow into your placements over the years, we then can have the abilities to handle conflicting energies within us better - this is not only an encouragement to people with harsh aspects, but also newbies who might get intimated by their own and others placements!

- a Quincunx (Inconjunction) can be even harder to resolve than a Square. While a Square can find common ground in the modalities at least, the Quincunx comes from completely different sides and can manifest as unknowingly doing the same mistake over and over again, while the individual wonders why it always hurts. At the same time, it can seem like the only option left for them, even when they know it’s not the optimum. Quincunxes can go under the radar as well, since they are a small aspect

- this a fun thing I recently did with my own and other charts: If you were born too late or early and you happen to know the approximate delivery date of your birth go and calculate that birth chart! I found myself lucky to be born two weeks later than expected asdfghj

- when you have Aquarius/Uranus touching your ascendant or any house that is about self expression and/or the public it could give you a very scattered energy; you might be flipping on and off energy wise and people could have a hard time keeping up with you or adjusting to your flow of energies. This can also result in a lot of different ‘phases’ the individual goes through, or in equally getting passionate about something but then losing interest 3 weeks later

- A very common trait that a lot of Pisces Ascendants have are the droopy, watery eyes and often times pointed features on the face/a rather pointed face shape

- Taurus, Sagittarius and Cancer Ascendants could stretch features of the face/the overall face shape. Sagittarius is ruled by Jupiter and Cancer is exalted in it: both of these signs can be prone to easily gaining width, Sagittarius and Cancer also can indulge a lot and thus can lead to quicker wheight gaining. Taurus, being the bull, can give the individual a rather wide, squary/boxy look, but always very sensual and serene with Venus being it’s ruler

- some thoughts on Ceres: Ceres is an asteroid that tells us equally about nurture and destruction. Ceres was Persephones mother, as much as she loves to take care of her lovely daughter, she sometimes doesn’t know the limits and when to stop - once what she loves is taken from her, she can leave a path of destruction behind her and become deeply obsessive. She can cross boarders and break rules for those she loves. Ceres is a mother archetype, responsible for harvesting, she is not only directly linked to nature, but also a good representation of mother natures extremes

-> Also: Ceres can give you insight about the relationshio between a mother and a child. I would recommend looking at your synastry with your mother figure. It can give you additional information to your parental relationship despite other very telling planets, such as Moon. Look where their Ceres touches your chart and what aspects they form

-> Ceres in synastry can also show you where your mother figure was most present, what they cared for most and maybe even where they were overly critical/concerned, protective or didn’t care for you at all.

- some thoughts on North Node an karmic connections in synastry: links from one Nodal point to the other don’t always have to indicate a karmic link that has a major impact in your life. Think about it: All people that are born around the same time as you and have their NN in ~ 10 degrees to yours will conjunct it, but does that mean we’re all karmically connected? It’s more likely these people all share a similar karmic life path, sharing the same soul mission. Most likely the really big feelings and influences are when the Lunar Nodes touch the inner planets/angles, as they have an almsot immediate and very direct influence on the other

- those with Mercury square/conjunct or opposite Mars/Uranus are the ones to accidentally say something they shouldn’t have if they are in a flow of speech or just really comfortable

- Venus square/opposite Uranus often go against social norms or revaluate them, so this could give them naturally the image of a misfit and provocateur even if they don’t actively intent to do so. Their ‘out of the norm’ behaviour/attitude could leave many people irritated. This also can make them suffer from a lot of misjudgement in their life, as people could put them in a box constantly

- having a water signs in an earth or air house can make the individual a huge advocate and humanitarian, especially when it’s in inner planets or when Uranus/Neptune in Pisces are in an air/earth house

- This might be a quiet controversial thought for some, but I am a social studies student so just a little food for thought to everyone: let’s look at the heteronormative use of astrology, aka women = Venus, men = Mars, and I am not talking about energies, I am talking specifically about assorting a gender to these planets. Venus and Mars will both show up in someone when pursuing a person of interest and developing feelings. But now think about parts of society trying to raise women as ‘the harmonizer’ and men as the ‘conqueror’, because these are the often associated traits with these two forms of gender. Back at astrology, let’s look at the archetype and temperament of Venus and Mars. Venus is the represent of unions and forming connections thus standing naturally for harmony (mostly that is), and Mars is the fighter the pursuer and represent of raw sexual energy aka life force. If people believe that the association of Venus to women and Mars to men is true, maybe look a bit closer into the environment you grew up in and maybe you can see that it’s a consequence of heteronormativity. Chances are, Mars and Venus would be looked at equally, or only preferred in insights if an individual conciously is more attracted to ‘masculine/feminine energy’ - again, regardless of gender.

- Basically: Astrology is defenitely not free of the negative sides of society and interpretations should be scanned of our own bias as best as we can!

- I noticed that people with profound Mercury, Uranus, Sagittarius or Aries/Mars influence in their chart are the ones to watch YouTube videos in 1,5 x speed. The nervous and impatient energy inside their chart wants either to spend less time on a YouTube video (trying to watch 10 minutes in 5) or feel like how most people talk and the videos flow are just too slow (chances are they wish they could do that irl too asdfgh)

- Pisces with profound Mercury influence (especially in inner planets) can give the possibility for a very quick to judge individual - and usually they are very expressive with it as well, either in accidental, small gestures or by openly showing their thoughts through facial expressions or quick reactions

- that being said, people who have strong Pisces influence in their chart, especially those with Ascendant/Pisces in 1st, usually give their first thoughts away with their facial expressions. Their eyes do reflect their inner nature a lot, more so than Cancers and Scorpio do since these are naturally more guarded and hesitant when it comes to self expression in new environments

#i had to get this out of my head or else i'm forgetting it - again - only to remember it three months later #own #astrology #zodiac #zodiac signs #astro notes #astro observations #aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #leo #virgo #libra #scorpio #sagittarius #capricorn #aquarius #pisces

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chroma-ki · 4 years ago

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What Happens When Society Fails Those Who Could Succeed - A Bakugo Katsuki Analysis

I started this a while ago, but I’ve seen others delve into this topic and I wanted to share as well. This delves into to hero society’s affects on Bakugo Katsuki’s upbringing, his worldview, his self-view, and Izuku’s involvement in breaking down the ideas society has drilled into his head.

A lot of people like to ignore the fact that Katsuki is a 14-year-old kid at the start of the series and that much of his life, attitude and disposition of the world have been completely shaped by the adults and society around him.

What do you expect a kid with potential to turn into when they are warped in such a way by a society that dictates that they need to be strong, or nothing at all? What about when your only value is based around a sliding scale of strength and weakness? What happens when that kid’s only source of help comes in the form of a reckless, selfless child who defies all sense of logic and reason (Izuku)?

Growing up, Bakugo was constantly praised for being strong, having a powerful quirk and being generally the smartest person in the room at any given time. He could arguably be considered a prodigy, and much of what he sees and learns feels beneath him -- because it's already on his mind. He is a kid with natural god-given talent that everyone around him immediately recognizes as above average.

Even as a toddler, he was constantly a step ahead of everyone else. Due to this, people developed a lot of high expectations for him at a young age -- and it doesn't help that he has a naturally competitive streak that makes him constantly want to prove himself and live up to these expectations; even surpass them.

Always being at the top of his class and being ahead of the curve mentally fuel the idea in Katsuki's mind that, in the game of life, he is 'winning'. Yet, at the same time, none of it is ever enough. Other's high expectations of him cause him to build extremely high expectations of himself; expectations that border on unrealistic. They also inflate his ego exponentially when this praise gets reaffirmed time and time again.

Certainly, in a situation where you're raised on other people's praise and validation, it is completely understandable that you would put a lot of emotional emphasis on other people's opinions of you. On top of that, he gives off such a natural and convincing air of confidence that people can't help but feel that he is reliable, despite his attitude. People are awed by him, and all of it feeds into the mental image he has constructed of himself, and the world as a whole. It's the whole reason for a lot of how he acts. He builds an image of himself based on the praise of those around him -- and even Izuku also feeds into this mentality by worshipping the literal ground Katsuki walks on as a kid.

This mentality seems to be working fine for him until Izuku's very presence starts to throw a wrench into everything Katsuki has been raised to believe.

Izuku completely defies logic to Katsuki. Izuku does not fit the societal norm and, beyond what others have taught him, Izuku is Katsuki’s only real hint that the world might not be quite what he thinks it is, and that his idea of what it means to be strong may not be a ‘one-size fits all’ defenition.

Izuku is a quirkless kid; weak and generally mild-mannered. He doesn't have any self-confidence and is a big crybaby. Yet, Izuku still believes that he can be strong and become a hero -- when Katsuki has always been told the opposite. Katsuki recognizes that this may be some version of strength he is unaware of, and it raises BIG RED FLAGS in his mind.

Where many of Katsuki's other childhood friends were barely more than acquaintances who he forgot over time, Izuku immediately caught Katsuki's interest and spiked his curiosity. Like everyone else in his life, Izuku praised Katsuki and told him all the things he wanted to hear -- but Izuku was also unique and intelligent. Izuku was the first person who actually seemed like they could stand near Katsuki's level; like they might be actual competition.

Then, Bakugo got his quirk and Izuku is diagnosed as quirkless. The reactions of everyone around him to this news, including Izuku’s own reaction, only go back to telling him what society has told him all along. Strength is everything, and quirks are a part of that desired strength. This is another moment that reaffirms Katsuki's world view. "I won, you lose. I really am the best."

Though Bakugo is super aggressive on the outside, he is a very self-critical character and often means the opposite of whatever he is saying. Especially when it comes to his self-confidence and bravado.

People often complain when watching the series about him telling people to 'die' and "got to hell", or calling other people "extras", and I don't think enough people understand -- that is just how he speaks. Those are things he says out of reflexive anger. None of those words ever have any real meaning.

It's more important to pay more attention to the moments in which he is more reserved/quiet. He suffers from both a superiority complex and inferiority complex, as well as paranoia (much of which revolves around his warped idea of how Deku, and other people he values, perceive him). Much of what he says is just empty words or him trying to project an image of self-confidence.

He wears his pride like a suit of armor to hide all the things he doesn't want to admit about himself. He attempts to make up for his own insecurities by getting angry. And he learned this at home from his mother, who is much the same as him.

From the little that we have seen of his parents throughout the series so far, his parents love him and provide him with everything he could possibly need -- but his mother often insults him and throws harsh truths in his face to counteract his cocky nature. One of the most notable instances of this is when All Might and Aizawa are talking to his parents about moving the kids to the dorms and his mom says "If you hadn't have gotten yourself caught by the villains in the first place, none of this would have happened".

That comment feeds directly into his mental breakdown in front of Izuku where he blames himself for All Might's downfall, flat out saying that "If I hadn't been kidnapped by villains, then it never would have happened".

It gets me every time if you go back to the 8th episode of the series, near the VERY BEGINNING -- right after he's defeated by Deku for the first time in combat training -- and the episode literally starts with him having a full on panic attack.

He's trembling, hands shaking, hyperventilating, the whole deal. And that particular incident was triggered not only by Deku defeating him and standing up to him (which completely contradicts the Izuku that Bakugo has grown up with all his life and feeds into Bakugo's own fear that he is weak), but is also brought on by the fact that he notices how severely Deku allowed himself to be injured JUST TO WIN THE EXCERSIZE. Again, this idea that even the weak can be strong. It also doesn’t help that he cares about Izuku and doesn’t want to see him get hurt.

And I'm sorry -- but below does not look like the face of someone who's pissed off to me. He looks PETRIFIED.

Izuku doesn't just piss Bakugo off -- Izuku TERRIFIES him.

There are actually multiple instances of him reacting like this to Izuku injuring himself throughout the series: sludge villain, sports festival fight against Todoroki and the training camp where Bakugo was kidnapped being the major ones I can think of beyond current managa events. Bakugo may claim to ‘hate’ Deku, but he DOES NOT like to see Deku hurt himself to win, or to save.

Bakugo saw this 'self-sacrificing' trait in Izuku even as a young kid, and it freaked him out. It made him feel weak. It made him question himself and the world around him.

This fear starts with the incident where Bakugo fell off the log as a kid.

It wasn't a life threatening situation, but it was the first situation where Izuku rushed to Bakugo's aid with complete disregard to himself AND when everyone else refused to help.

Bakugo's friends, teachers and parents all held him to such high expectations of intelligence, power and strength -- so of course those would be the values that he grows up idolizing. No one ever really offered him help, because they assumed he didn't need it -- and then Izuku comes rushing in offering it to him, risking his life to do so, and Katsuki's only thought is "Why?! Why do you feel like you have to save me when you can't even protect yourself? Needing to be saved means that I'm weak! Do you think that I'm weak?" I have recently watched another show that had a similar scenario and that character explained what I believe Katsuki felt in this situation BEAUTIFULLY. ------ “It felt like [he] was trying to say I was weak or something. [He] was intruding on feelings [he] didn’t have any right to – and I hated it. Then that got me thinking about everyone else in my life. They never treated me like I was a weakling; someone who needed his hand held. They had faith that I would continue to grow and they let me do it; helping me without ever making me feel weak.”

Izuku continues to do this again and again throughout the series when it comes to Bakugo: the slime villain incident, the training camp, etc -- all without fully comprehending how his actions affect Bakugo. Each time this happens, Bakugo feels weak and utterly helpless to save himself OR to stop Izuku. It's all his worst fears realized.

It's like living his worst nightmare over and over without end in sight.

Going back to the concept of him being offered 'help', very few people have offered him this throughout his life -- and they all saw it as something he never really needed. It's like Katsuki's personality and mental state is a huge sign screaming 'I DON'T UNDERSTAND! NOTHING MAKES SENSE! IT MAKES ME MAD AND UPSET! SOMEONE, HELP ME.' and everyone just ignores it.

--- During the log incident - all his friends say 'Oh well, he's fine. He'll pick himself back up.' and Izuku is the only one who offers to help.

--- The sludge villain incident - all the pro heroes say "We can't help right now! You'll just have to hold on, kid!" and again Izuku is the only one who offers help.

--- After his and Deku’s first fight at Ground Beta, which utterly breaks him, all the other students just let him leave alone and only Izuku rushes to help. All Might sees him upset and crying after this and says, “Oh, I guess he’s already over it” -- when that obviously wasn’t the case.

--- And then -- to top it all off -- after he was kidnapped by the LOV and held captive for 3 days without help he wasn't even given time to process! He was taken away by police, ridiculed by his mother, forced to go back to school where his teachers acted like nothing happened, jumped into the provisional hero licensing exam with all those helpless feelings rolling around inside of him and on top of it found out that Izuku received All Might's power -- a power that he had spent his whole life putting on a pedestal. And he goes to Izuku for help.

The fact that everyone just brushed him off like he was someone who didn't need help is just disgusting. The only instance where an adult in his life acknowledged that he needed it was AFTER he already had a full on mental breakdown in front of Izuku, blaming himself for everything that had gone wrong and thinking that he had somehow been living his life wrong all this time. Only then did All Might and Aizawa think, ‘Yeah, maybe we failed this kid.’

Keep in mind during all of this that he is 15-16-years-old! He's trying to figure out how to deal with this shit all on his own, with the only person he feels comfortable opening up to being Izuku - someone who he has so much trouble understanding.

At the heart of Katsuki is a place of fear. Fear of being weak, fear of being helpless, fear of failure, fear of losing his friends, fear of himself, most certainly fear of Izuku -- and fear FOR IZUKU. He is a boy who lives in a constant state of panic, worry and paranoia. He is lonely and beats down on himself a lot.

The series deals a lot with how hero society has completely failed it's future generations, but Katsuki is a case where they should have succeeded -- yet ultimately they failed him too. He has all the makings of what could be one of the greatest heroes of all time, yet those around him only focused on the parts of him that could make him great and chose to ignore all the parts that would ruin him from the inside out.

They put him high up on a pedestal only to knock him down and refuse to help him back up. They made him feel like even asking for help was something that made him 'lesser', and it caused him to see other people that way too.

Izuku is the heart of Katsuki's growth, because in every way that Izuku succeeds, Katsuki fails.

I would actually argue that out of anyone in the series since coming to UA, Katsuki has experienced the highest amount of personal failure. He has been knocked down time and time again but ultimately wants to pick himself back up to prove that he deserves to be there. He fights for his friends and tries his best at everything he does. He doesn't always get it right, and he says things that might offend others, but other than Izuku, he's the most driven person there and would utterly destroy himself to reach his goals.

#bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #mha #my hero academia #meta analysis #kacchan #deku #bakudeku #katsudeku #bkdk

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issabangtanfic · 3 years ago

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[Jungkook] The Windmill House (Chapter 11)

Synopsis: When your stereotypical Christian Grey meets his not so stereotypical Anna

Pairing: Jungkook x OC

A/N: Feel free to submit a cover! Tell me what you think in my inbox! Enjoy!

It's been years since I’ve been left with that much energy after a day at work. I have minimal oiliness on my face by the time I check my mirror in my car. I actually feel like I could run a mental marathon, which is good considering my next stop. Tonight, I’m seeing the flirtatious Mr.Jeon so he can finally give me the brief for the windmill house. I have to admit, I’ve kind of been looking forward to it, not only because the house is amazing, but also because I find some fun in declining his straightforward yet quite funny advances. I drive my Mini out of London, to the secluded green space where Mr.Jeon’s house is. I stifle a smile walking up the crackled stairs. I almost fell on it the first time I came here. I remember almost losing my shit when he caught me. I don’t think I’d be that phased if it were to happen today. I’ve had him way closer to me since then, and that has been something too.

I park my car at the end of the dirt road at the bottom of the hill, and hike up the stairs that lead to the house. When I get there, I notice a black wooden door with mouldings has been installed. It's better than the sad plank that was there before, and it actually kind of fits the architecture. I knock on the door, and a few moments later, Mr Jeon opens it.

“Miss Fair.” He greets, smiling at me, all grey suit and white shirt, his tie gone, three of his buttons undone. I stop my eyes from moving further down, not wanting to check him out too obviously.

“Good Evening, Mr.Jeon.” I murmur, returning the smile. He always looks so yummy.

“Good evening.” He replies, stepping aside to let me in. “Please, come in.”

Step into the house, the floorboards creaking under my heels as I make my way in, and he closes the door behind me.

“How was your day?” He asks as I walk into the living room, myeyes immediately going to the immense, 3 to 4 meter high bookshelf I saw last time. The house is as pretty as I remember it.

“Busy.” I reply evasively, my eyes wandering up to the ceiling, and the dome where the roof opens up onto the sky.

“Have you eaten yet?” He asks, pulling my attention back to him. I turn to him, and he's leaning against the kitchen counter, hands shoved in his pockets. I narrow my eyes at him.

“Are you going to try and turn this into a date?” I ask warily. Of course he's trying to make this a dinner date. He chuckles ,taking a few steps towards me.

“I’m worried about your blood sugar.” He counters, and I roll my eyes to the heavens. My blood pressure is what is really worrying.

“I am fine, thank you.” I decline politely. This is a business meeting, Maya. I turn back around, venturing further in the living space. The couches are still covered by white sheets, except for one old brown leather armchair that I will one hundred percent stay in the house.

“Where should we start?” He prompts as I set my bag down onto the pretty arm chair.

“We can go from room to room and you tell me whatever you want to be done." I explain, sliding my coat off of my shoulders. I set it down on the back rest of the chair and start gathering my equipment. "I can also give you my ideas. I’ll snap a few pictures so I can remember how everything looks.” I say, pulling my tablet, camera and notepad out of my bag.

“Then, I’ll draw sketches and I’ll come back to you for your approval.” I conclude.

“Okay.”

“I'll also need the blueprints of the house.” I add before I forget.

“I’ll send them to you.”

“Okay.” I turn around , glancing at the stairs that lead up to the star-azing platform..

“I really want to start up there.” I informed him. I have been thinking about this part of the house ever sincethe first time I came here. The sun has set, and I'm not sure what I'll be able to see but I'm curious.

“Sure.” He concedes, walking me up to the stairs. He lets me go first while he stays down under the staircase to turn the crank that lifts the blinds from the roof.

On the platform there is what I'm guessing is a telescope covered by a white sheet pointed at the ceiling.

After he gets to work the panels slowly go up, unveiling a dark sky with a few sparkles, and an almost full moon clearly visible.

“Oh, wow.” I whisper. This isn't the starriest sky I've seen in my life, but it's pretty bright for something just 45 minutes away from London. I guess the light pollution doesn't hit as much here.

A few seconds later, Mr.Jeon climbs the stairs and comes up behind me. This space has so much potential. It's so unique, I don't think I've ever seen anything like that before.

“So your grandfather designed this?” I ask him, unable to detach my eyes from the spectacle in front of me.

“Yes. I’d like to keep it like this of course, but I want this space to have seats.” He explains, pulling my attention back to the platform I'm standing on. The stairs and floor are metal, which gives it a very industrial feel, but doesn't match the warmth we're trying to give the house. Imagine laying on a comfy fatboy and just staring up at the sky for hours.

“Like a star-gazing station?” I ask him.

“Exactly.” He concurs. “I think it’d be nice if you were able to lay down too.”

“I agree.” I nod.

"I think," Mr.Jeon trails off, stepping in front of me and reading the calendar stuck on the wall right next to the covered telescope. "Venus should be visible tonight." He says as he checks the time on his watch. Venus?

"Really?" My eyes widen in excitement as he uncovers the telescope. It's dark green and kind of rusty, defenitely an old piece of equipement. I bet this belonged to his gandfather. It's not dusty though, meaning he probably uses it frequently.

"I mean it is visible during the day too, it's one of the brightest objects in the sky." He explains, unscewing the lense cover and the eye piece. Oh, I'm about to see a planet for the first time! I'm still surprised a man like him has this kind of interest. It's really not common.

"But it might be too low now." He muses, and I watch as he twists and turns the telescope that is almost his height, following an integrated compass with coordnates. He looks into the telescope in silence, and I'm fascinated by how easy he makes it look. This businessman has hobbies that don't consist in golf.

"There she is." He says once he's found his target, and steps back from the telescope. "Take a look." He invites me. I take his place and look through the lense, to see white bright disc in the center of my vision.

"It's so bright." I observe. I'm only seeing a bright disc of light, I wonder what it would look from up close.

"It's atmosphere is mainly thick clouds which makes it really reflective." I hear him explain behind me.

"You sound so nerdy." I remark, turning around to look at him. He crosses his arms.

"I wouldn't be building rockets if I wasn't a nerd." He retorts. True. I take another look at the planet thoufh the telescope. It's amazing to see, but I'm really curious about how it would look if I were on the surface. It's kinda sad that I'll probably never know.

"This is a really cool place to have in a house." I muse, looking back at him. He has his very own small scale observatory. "I've never seen anything quite like this."

"It's pretty nice." He agrees. I pull out my camera and snap a few picturs of the space, and we move on with the rest of the tour. After coming back down into the livingroom, we both agree to keep the massive bookshelf. That was a given; this is another huge piece of the house that never in a million years I would have considered removing even if he asked me to.

He tells me his grandfather has read evey single one of the books in there, and has even written some of them. He throws some ideas for the arrangement of the space ,and I snap e few more pictures. Then we tour the rest of the house; the dinning room, the two bedrooms upstairs, the bathroom, and the backyard. It takes us almost an hour to complete, and we're back in the living room, where I put down all my tools and start to pack up.

“Wine?"

I turn around to find him behind the kitchen ocunter, holding an expensive-looking bottle of red wine. He's trying to make me drink again! I give him a dissaproving stare.

“I bought this bottle for the occasion.” He tells me.

“What occasion?”

"Any day I get to see you is worth celebrating to me.” He coos. Oh please! “Considering how you’re always avoiding me.” He adds. Oh, I know where this is going.

“I am not going to sleep with you tonight.” I articulate, trying to sound convinving despite my amused tone.

“I’m just offering you a drink.”

“You’re trying to get me drunk.”

“Maya, you’re way smarter than this.” He tilts his head to the side.

“Excuse me?” I mimick him, crossing my arms under my chest.

“You wouldn’t be here if you really thought I was going to try to take advantage of you like that.” He points out. True. But still.

“It’s Italian wine.” He adds when I don't answer. “I think you’ll love it.”

How does he know what I like already?!

“Just one glass.” I give in. One tiny glass. I'm driving anyways so I'm not about to go crazy tonight.

“Okay.” He agrees before pulling two wine glasses from under the counter. He pours me half a glass, before serving himself.

I thim and we clink our glasses before taking a sip each. An boy this man knows his wine. I love sweet reds. Before I can even comment on the taste, there's a loud knock on the front door.

"Just in time." He comments, droping his class and walking over to the door. Who is he expecting? I hear the door open.

"Thank you Jimin." Mr Jeon says. Jimin? Isn't that his assistant? I remember his name from the time I went to the purple mansion. The door closes and Mr.Jeon reappears.

“I hope you like sushi." He announces, holding two plastic bags in his hands. Sushi?

"You ordered food?" I gasp, my face a mix of confusion and glee. "I figured you wouldn't have had time to eat." He answers, walking over to me. I watch, mesmerised as he drops the food on the counter. My eyes follow as he pulls out one, then a second, then a third plate of colorful sushi. There’s makis too, salmon, tuna, sea breaam sushi- a lot f very good stuff. I’m salivating, my eyes hugging the food close. "Hungry?" I look up and see him smirking at me. I love sushi, and I don’t know if I can refuse this offer. This is better than sex. "Well, I wouldn't want to waste." I shrug a shoulder, making him chuckle. He then pulls out the sauces, disposable chopsticks and napkins. Little white makis catch my attention. "What are these?" I ask, pointing at my first preys. "Cheese makis.” "Cheese?" I repeat. Has there been a kind I haven’t tried yet? It’s time to update the sushi-pedia. "Have bite.” Mr.Jeon proposes, splitting a pair of chopsticks. He picks one of the cheese sushi and brings it over to my face. At this moment, I don’t even feel like pointing out how inappropriate it is, this man just won’t stop. I bite the sushi off, surprised by the creaminess of the cheese. I hum appreciatively. Sushi can never go wrong, even with cheese in it. This is amazing. "Right?" He concurs, smiling softly. "It's good." I agree once I’ve swallowed. Mr. Jeon hands me another pair of chopsticks, and I dive into the colorful maki rolls. "I'm going to be honest," I trail off after the first two bites. "You have found my weak spot." I mumble. "Sushi?" He says, amused. I nod vigorously. I would have declined any other type of food he would have proposed, but not sushi. He was spot on, and I'm not ashamed for giving in. "Any physical weak spot you want to tell me about?" When I look back at him, he’s turned his body so he’s facing me. Elbow propped onto the counter, he’s giving me all his attention. Oh you wish, Mr.Hotbuttocks. "I'll let you in on a secret." I announce, twisting so I’m facing him as well. "I'm all ears." He murmurs. Feeling brave, I lean closer to him, prompting him to bend his neck and quite literally give me his ear. A distant, unused and forbidden part of my brain wants to bite his earlobe just to see his reaction. But I refrain. "I'm not having sex with you." I whisper, making him chuckle. He pulls back, shaking his head at me. I catch another sushi. "There was a time when you wouldn't say that." He says to me, eyes playful. "I was drunk." I retort. "Just tipsy." He counters. Ha! "There's not much difference." I mumble. "Let me put it another way.” He prompts, and I don’t like the smirk he’s giving me. I narrow my eyes at him. "Are you attracted to me?" He asks, but I’m not sure it’s a question. He’s looking at me dead in the eyes, probably watching my pupils dilate. I don’t think I can ever say no to that question, now that Iiterally have drunk-dialed him asking for sex. But I’m not going to admit it either. "Does it really matter?" Is the best I come up with, and he laughs at me in a short snort. I know he knows that was a lame attempt, but he ignores it. "Well, you know the feeling is mutual." He murmurs, and it makes my insides fuzzy. Such a handsome man being attracted to me physically is a confidence booster, but I also know the fact that I don’t take shit from him also plays a role in it. He likes that I'm not giving in. "You're only attracted to me because I resist you." I reply. He raises an eyebrow. "Is that why you're resisting me? So you can have me chasing you?” He asks, leaning closer to me and propping his chin on his fist. I am more phased by his words than his proximity. Am I enjoying the chase? I mean the only reason I’m not throwing myself at him is because I know when he finally gets me it’ll be over. Is that what's stopping me? Knowing there probably won't be a second time? Or is it the fact that I'll just be another rebelious woman he'd managed to tame?

“No.” I shake my head after thinking about it for too long. I mimic him, resting my head on the palm of my hand, my elbow right next to his. “Well, I’m not attracted to you because you resist me." He murmurs, and I fight the urge to roll my eyes. “Sure.” “Let me get to my point." He prompts. Oh, whatever.

"You're submissive, right?" He asks out of the blue, taking me by surprise. Excuse me? Rude!

I immediately feel exposed, because I know he knows the answer to that question. I feel my face heat up. Where is he going with this? "Maybe." I reply, trying my hardest not to betray my panic. But I can’t bring myself to lie looking into his eyes, so I look away, earning another heartfelt chuckle. "Maybe, alright." He repeats. He sees right through me .To be fair, I am not putting the best act. I'm too easily read. I blush, I frown, I fidget, I play with my hair - I have the most telling body language and it hasn't helped me once in life. “What is your point, Mr.Jeon?” I ask, wanting to end the torture. "So when you find someone attractive, you tend to let them take control and bring you pleasure." He trails off. I nod in agreement, still unsure where this is going. "But it doesn't mean you're weak or dependent. You chose to be in that position because that's what brings you the most pleasure. In fact outside the bedroom you're a very opinionated woman and you get your way quite often." He adds. I'm still following at this point, but I know he's trying to get me somewhere I don't want to be. I repeat his words in my head a second time. I feel like I’m about to get tricked. "True." I agree reluctantly, knowing I probably shouldn't. “See, you think I'm all about the challenge and keeping women who challenge me submissive and obedient, but I work differently." He explains. Oh, I’m sure he does. "Just like you being submissive doesn't mean you're dependent and passive, me wanting to pin you against a wall and do things to you has nothing to do with my respect for you or women in general." He murmurs. Pin me against a wall and do things to me?! I take a discreet but deep breath, watching as the corner of his mouth turns into a smirk when he realises I’m already imagining things. "What I'm trying to say is," He trails off, and I think I catch his pupils dilating as our eyes meet. "When I find someone attractive, I tend to hold down..." He says, his tone lower, his voice so seductive it sounds like a purr. "And bite..." He adds, bringing the tip of his index finger just under my ear. "And kiss..." I hold his gaze while he slowly runs it down the side of my neck, barely brushing my skin but letting me feel plenty. "And lick..." He stops at the spot where my neck and shoulder connect, my hairs standing alert in the wake of his touch. His eyes don’t leave mine, intense and blazing. My libido is through the roof. I want him to do that again. Biting and kissing and licking... I’m not learning anything new here. I’ve always known this man was dominant and kinky. I’m not surprised, but he’s just so sexy. He oozes sex, he smells like sex, he looks like sex, it’s intoxicating. "Because that's what gives me the most pleasure." He adds, his voice feeling like butter. "But I also always have my partner's pleasure in mind. Sometimes more than my own." He says, barely hiding the promise in his words. He leans back as if to mark the ending of his monologue, and that’s when I realise I had stopped breathing.

I feel dizzy and my cheeks are burning. "Well,”I sigh, reaching for my wine. “Your next conquest should consider herself lucky." I say, raising my glass in his honor, before throwing the entire thing back. I feel thirsty, and hot and bothered. "Yeah, you should." He retorts, making me splutter and almost choke on my wine. He laughs at me, his laugh loud and boyish, while I try not to spit wine all over myself. “You have no shame.” I say in wonder, shaking my head at his mirth. "What should I be ashamed of? Being attracted to you?" He retorts. "Being inappropriate." I reply, narrowing my eyes at him. What a tease. "You're smiling." He counters. "It's better than you running from me." He murmurs, his words heavier than what he wants me to think. I don't think I'm running away as much as I used to. I went to dinner with him, and I'm here today. I'm still aware of the majo red flags he waved at me when we first met though. "You give me reasons to run." I argue. This man smells like trouble, and I'm hovering over a dangerous line but I'm confident in my capacity to protect myself. His gaze turns to playful to a little bit more serious. He looks pensive. "I was hoping it wasn't the case anymore." He says quietly, and he almost sounds disappointed by my answer. "I wouldn't be here if it was." I say to reassure him a little bit. "I'm glad to hear that." He smiles softly. Part of me doesn't want to make him too happy, but I guess I'll give him that.

"There's something I wanted to talk to you about." He prompts, and I feel him getting even more serious than before.

"We've never really talked about what happened with my brother." He trails off. Oh...

Way to kill the mood. I feel myself stiffen instantly as the few memories I have of that night flash back to me.

"And again, I'm sorry for what happened." He says to me. He has told me before that his brother got the "wrong impression". And I would like, in order to start contemplating the idea of forgiving me, to know how in the hell he got that wrong impression. Because to me it is unjustifiable. Was it my dress? Nope. No matter how short it could have been, and it wasn't even short. My body language? Nah. The mere fact that we were drinking? Hell to the no.

"I have always wondered how he could possibly have thought I was going to have sex with him. That still doesn't sit right with me." I tell him honestly, because if he's asking me to forgive him for thinking anything I did led him on, I'll be gone before he even finishes his sentence.

"He could tell I was attracted to you, and he knows I usually don't mind sharing." He explains to me. He doesn't mind sharing? Sharing women with his brother?!

"And he was drunk." He adds while I try to precess this information. My face is a knot of confusion. He had threesomes with his brother? Why do I feel like there's something very incestuous about it? I'm effectively grossed out.

"You share your sexual partners with him?" I utter, unable to hide the judgment in my voice. He doesn't seem fazed by the horror on my face."If they both want each other I usually don't have a problem with it." He shurgs a shoulder. How is he so cool about this? Is it normal nowadays? Am I weird for finding it weird. I mean; obviously him and Eliott aren't blood brothers, and I don't think they have sex together per say, but they both participate in a sexual act at the same time!

"So you-"

"Not threesomes, no." He cuts me off. Oh thank god!

"Huh." I exhale.

Okay, so he just doesn't mind sleeping with the same woman as his brother.

"So, hypothetically," I traill off. "If we were to sleep together- which we won't- you wouldn't -"

"I would be extremely possessive of you." He cuts me off, looking into my eyes with intent.

"Why?" I frown. He mimicks me, scrunching his eyebrows togetehr in a pensive manner. He's actually thinking about it.

"I'm not sure." He murmurs. "I guess I just don't like the thought of anyone else bringing you pleasure."

Okay?

After processing this, a tiny part of my brain thinks this means something? That maybe I'm different? I shouldn't believe him that easily though, but if that's true, then I'm confused.

"Interesting..." I muse. I don't feel like elaborating on that. The implications are way too heavy for what I want this whole thing to be.

"But okay, let's say he thought you and I were having sex." I prompt, because his explaination isn't very satisfying yet. "What made him think I'd have sex with him?"

Mr.Jeon inhales deeply, visibly a little bit embarassed to speak.

"His dumb ass thought bringing you over was what I meant by cheering him up after his breakup." He explains, and it dawns on me.

"He thought I was a bloody hooker." I conclude. He makes a face.

"Not quite. He did drink a lot before you came over too." He counters. Okay, his drunk ass thought I was a bloody hooker.

"Anyways. I hope you'll be able to forgive him one day. He's not a bad guy, just really dumb." He finishes.

"Okay." I nod. I've heard him, but I don't knwo about forgiving his brother. Not because I'm still mad or anything, but because I can't this of an istance where I'll ever have too see him again. It's not liek he was about to become my brother-in-law.

"Thank you for explaining." I say before glancing at my wtach. I have been here for nearly two hours.

"But I do have to go now, Mr.Jeon." I declare. It's getting really late. “Oh, what a shame.” I hear him complain as I slide off my stool. "Thank you for the sushi." I murmur, looking up at him. "You're most welcome, Miss Fair." He replies, standing up I as well. I gather my stuff, putting my camera and sketchbook back in my bag and throwing my coat on. "I will make plans and sketches and get back to you to schedule another meeting." I explain to him once I'm ready to leave. "How long will that take?" "I think I'll be done in a week or two." "That's a long time without seeing each other." He mutters, scratching his chin in a pensive manner. I raise a curious eyebrow. "Now I'm thinking we're only doing this so you can talk me into sleeping with you." I reply, crossing my arms over my chest. "Miss Fair, I would never." He gasps dramatically. Yes you would. I narrow my eyes at him. "No, seriously. This house means a lot to me, and I don't share this part of my life with that many people." He says more seriously, but I still think he could be doing this to get his dick wet. "Would you mind if I made you sign a contract, then?" I propose. He's all about NDA's and shit, right? "A contract?" "Yes." I concur. "So I'm guaranteed to get my fifteen percent." I explain. I don't want to dive into this and then leave the project like last time. If he ever fucks up to the point where I don't want to see him, we can still do everything via e-mail. Hott buttocks aside, this project is really exciting. He frowns down at me for a second, but is quick to shrug a shoulder. "As you wish." He concedes. "I should make you sign it before I actually start putting in the work." I muse. "I'll be out of town for a few days, I leave on Wednesday." He warns. "I'll e-mail it to you." "Or we could meet up and read it through together." He proposes. Of course he'd want that. "You're funny." I chuckle. "I'm not signing anything via e-mail." He declares. "Why?" I frown. "Don't know how that technology works." He shrugs. Now he's playing the age card? "How old are you?" I ask, realizing I still don't know how old he is. "I'm 21." He says. He keeps adding a year every time I ask him! "But you build rockets." I deadpan. He smirks- fucking smirks at me. He's so handsome it's angering. "Then I'm not designing anything for you." I retort. "Is seeing me that much of a torture?" He asks with feigned disappointment. I take a moment to think. "Not anymore." I reply. "Not anymore?" He repeats, eyebrows meeting his hairline. "But still." "But still?" He frowns, looking offended. I giggle at his reaction. "I can throw food in the mix, we can meet during our lunch break." He proposes. "Our offices are very close." Oh, god. "I'll see what I'll do tomorrow." I concede, feeling like a straight no would be too mean of me. And I actually don't know I want to say no or not. I enjoy his company. "Just remember you have the power to make a man's day by saying yes." He murmurs, stepping closer to me, hands in his pockets. He looks yummy. "I'll keep that in mind." I murmur, looking up at him. "Good." He says quietly, holding my gaze. The hairs on the back of my neck rise in alert. Why am I still wearing clothes again? "Let me walk you back." He proposes after a beat. I accept, and Mr. Jeon escorts me out of the house. "We'll have to fix these stairs as well." I mumble, looking out for any rogue piece of rock about to make me fall. "You have carte blanche for the outside. I trust you." He replies. I don't think the outside -or at least the pathway, needs a lot of work. Just some brand new steps and green grass.

"Can't wait to get to it." I reply. He walks me down the stairs and back to my car.

"Thank you for your time, Ms Fair." He says as I stand next to my Mini, ready to unlock it.

"It was a pleasure." I reply, smiling at him. I open my door and slide into my seat.

"I'll be waiting for your text." He says, leaning down to my window, eyes small and playful. I giggle.

"I'm sure you will." I tease. "Goodbye, Mr. Jeon."

"Goodbye, Miss.Fair."

#jungkook scenarios #jungkook #jungkook smut #bts smut #bangtan smut #rm smut #rm scenarios #bangtan scenarios #bts scenarios #park jimin #bts jungkook #jimin fanfic

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hizerain · 3 years ago

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What got you into dark academia? Do you play an instrument? If so, what is it? Are you close with your friends? If you could go back in time to any period, what would it be? Do you indulge in things that aren't percieved as dark academia? How do people percieve you? early bird or night owl? do you annotate your books? how do you prefer to annotate them? What do you want to get better at? What three morals do you try to live by? What two qualities do you most admire in others?

What got you into dark academia?

I don't quite know to be frank. I remember watching Kill Your Darlings in around 2015, perhaps a year later. I suppose it was a natural transition. I had been engaging in the studyblr community at the time and slowly dark academia seeped into it. At the time I already followed many of the aesthetics belonging to it and so it was rather natural.

Do you play an instrument? If so, what is it?

I do not play an instrument.

Are you close with your friends?

I am not close with my friends. There is yet to be someone who I have felt comfortable enough with to reveal myself fully and truthfully. I feel as though my vision of the world is too radical compared to theirs. We are good friends, I care about them, but I have yet to lay my soul bare.

If you could go back in time to any period, what would it be?

If I could go back into time (and not face any sort of racism/discrimination/etc. as the past was quite frankly a terrible time) I would either choose the 18th century or the 20th. Both were a dreaful time to be alive considering the state of the world back then, but I find the intellectual circles alive at that time and how connected they were very interesting and would love to engage with them. I would especially love to read the battle between Leibniz and Newton over the invention of calculus in papers.

Do you indulge in things that aren't percieved as dark academia?

It depends on the defenition of dark academia but I would say so. I watch youtube, I listen to trash pop songs in a vain hope of feeling some nostalgia for a period that has been twisted over and over again in my mind. Seriously though, I don't define my activities as dark academia nor do I feel comfortable with the label anymore. I loved the way it promoted working hard for your goals (sometimes in an obsessive way) but as an aesthetic I do not feel comfortable with it. Any aesthetic, I find, is reductive and limiting to who we are as people.

How do people percieve you?

I believe people perceive me as a strange person. I'm quiet, I refrain from speaking on most ocassions and tend not to make too much of an appearance. Perhaps they perceive me as pretentious, I have a tendancy to wear overly formal clothes as I feel most confident in them. I like to imagine that when I converse with them they find me to be a relatively pleasant person, I would say I'm socially adequate I just don't feel compelled to speak much to people.

early bird or night owl?

Early bird. I am more productive in mornings but I must admit there is something enchanting about the night that no morning can recreate.

do you annotate your books? how do you prefer to annotate them?

I don't usually annotate fiction books. If I find some quote particularly compelling I make a note of it on a piece of paper, phone or so. With non-fiction I tend to annotate a bit more, usually just some thoughts on the matter at hand.

If I annotate, it's with a wooden pencil in the margin or a fountain pen on a piece of paper.

What do you want to get better at?

I want to be better at mindfulness. I, like many people, live in this constant state of sedation (as I have started to call it). We are constantly consuming media, because I find we're often deeply uncomfortable with silence and the idea of boredom. Those moments, in which we think freely, are critical but also the harshest to bear. It is in those moments that you wonder how come the day has already passed, and what those hours on your phone really brought you. Whether the job you are currently spending your time at is really worth what it is bringing in and when was the last time you felt alive? I'm not immune to this, I suffer from it but at the very least now I'm actively aware of it and trying to limit it.

What three morals do you try to live by?

Memento Mori

Temperance, wisdom, courage and justice

How we spend our days is how we spend our lives

What two qualities do you most admire in others?

Persistence. I am not a quitter, but I also can't recognize the quality within myself.

Moderation. I find self-regulation difficult sometimes. For example, when I am reading for a while I feel inclined to read more and more until I finish the book instead of savouring the story and spreading it out.

#ask

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soyouthinkucanwrite · 4 years ago

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Chapter 3 - Unexpected texts

Synopsys: The name of the series is super random, don't mind me. Reader is a postgraduate student at NYU, made a docuseries on her research, and the show got picked up by Netflix. She goes on a press tour and meets Tom on a ‘chat show’. They get together and she decides to stay for a few days in London with him. This could be an amazing few days or more? It’s been interesting writing how they’ll deal with distance and tight schedules once ‘honeymoon’ is over...

Heads up: my first language is Portuguese, so that might explain some things here - of course, I wrote thinking about myself hahaha

Warnings for the series: mention of illicit drugs, angst caused by distance, smut (next chapters, very explicit), anxiety caused by paparazzi, and rude random people taking photos.

Other than that, this is just my guilty pleasure writing so lots of caring sweet Tom and fluffiness.

Chapter 1 - A new city

Chapter 2 - Show time

Chapter 3 - Unexpected texts

This is 2.4k words (approximately)

Later, you were just laying in your hotel room and watching some tv, or telly how they say over here. You wanted to get some sleep and maybe call your parents to tell them about the day. It was so crazy, you didn’t think they’d quite grasp how crazy, but you wanted to include them anyway. I guess maybe especially because of that. Tomorrow you guys had to be at the station super early for the Radio 1 Breakfast with Greg James. 6 o’clock you thought it was that David had told you. You might as well check with him and set an alarm already. So you went to grab you phone for texting him and got a text from an unknown number.

The contact you had saved as “Tom Holland” (with the air quote marks) was calling on Facetime. Shit. This couldn’t be him. Could it? Have you even given your personal number to the producer at Graham? Shit. Just answer it and kill Lukas. You pressed the green button and the screen was dark. There was some music in the background, but it was a little muffled. And sure enough, there he was. Smiling at the phone slightly bellow his eye level. He’s hot. You look like shit with zero makeup and your hair in a crazy pony tail.

“Hi!” He said laughing. “Do you believe me now?”

“Hi…this is embarrassing. Sorry! I have the worst friends and is just like them to try to pull a prank on me because of this” You answered.

“No worries, darling. I’m a little sad you’d think me texting you is laughable though.” He joked.

“You know what I mean! Like I said, Tom Hanks wanting to work together I would have an easier time believing.” You laughed.

“Maybe I want to work together. By the way, I’m glad you did, but for future reference, you probably shouldn’t use your personal number for these things.” He advised you.

“Well, it’s not like I have more than one number so…” You told him.

“Your agent’s then.” He clarified.

“I don’t have an ‘agent’.” You emphasized the last word.

“Well, you should probably get one then, darling. Trust me on this one.” He was walking and the music got louder for an instant and then muffled again. Looks like a bar or the outside of a bar at least.

“Are you in a bar?” You asked him laughing.

“Excuse me, not a bar, a PUB. And no, I’m on the sidewalk of a pub, actually. Going home.” He said. “And you are…?”

You were kind of getting what he wanted from you and that was kind of annoying actually. He’s a movie star for god’s sake. Can’t he get a girl in whatever pub he’s at right now? “Busy actually.” You answered him.

“Oh sorry. Terrible timing, huh? I asked for your number this afternoon, after the show. But the bloody PA just sent me it right now. He might lose his job for this. Took him a lot of convincing, ya know?” He was talking and walking, you could see he was clearly trying to start a conversation and all that in the middle of the street.

“So you just got it and couldn’t wait to text me huh?” You teased.

“Kind of, yeah. The two pints probably helped me build the nerve. I’m not usually like this. I barely facetime my friends.” He told you.

“And in the middle of the street. If you get mugged, I don’t want to be accounted.” You were relaxing a bit and sat on the bed leaning on the headboard. He laughed at your joke. Maybe he was just drunk and not really after a booty call. “I thought you british were famous for spending nights at the pub. Why you leaving so early, anyway?” You asked.

“Got to get up early tomorrow for a work out.” He answered simply.

“Of course you do” You said.

“And I much rather talk to you too.” He said.

Silence. What do you answer to that? Is he flirting with you? He’s definitely flirting with you.

“Ahem” He cleared his throat. “I really did liked your show, you know? It’s really something.” He said.

“You did? Thank you. Means a lot.” You said. “I’m still shocked it’s getting this much attention, to be honest.”

“Why? I’m shocked no one’s done it before. Is such a good idea. But maybe if they’ve done it, it wouldn’t be the same. Cause your presenting is probably what makes it that good.” He had stopped walking and you could hear keys juggling in his hand. “I live really close to the pub. I know” He laughed and you laughed back. “Hey!” He said to someone outside the screen and started to walk up stairs.

“Do you live with someone else? Your parents?” You asked.

“Uhh…no, no. I mean yeah, my mates Harrison and Tuwaine and my brother Harry. It’s just Tuwaine and his girlfriend downstairs though, I think.” He told you while taking off his shoes.

“Hey don’t go cockblock your friend now” You laughed.

“Never. And always.” He joked back. “Thought you’d be out enjoying London tonight, or were you planning on going out later?” He asked you in a thick accent.

“What? No, I’m a serious business girl. No time for shenanigans” You said laughing, so he’d know you were joking.

“Shenanigans” He laughed back. “Your English is better than mine you know?”

“Oh I’m sure” You answered sarcastically. “Flattering will get you far, but lying will not”

“I’m serious. If you haven’t said it today I’d think you’re American. You kind of have a New Yorker accent” He said.

“Yeah? ‘Fuhgeddaboudit’” You said in a thick accent and you laughed together. It was fun talking to him.

“What other languages do you speak?” He asked you when you stopped laughing.

“Portuguese, English…Spanish, Italian, a little bit, and German” You answered while counting your fingers.

“No way. Say something in German. By the way, I’m still here, I’ll just change these clothes.” He said while putting the phone on the nightstand and getting out of the frame. He was taking off his clothes, you thought. And he wanted you to say something in German.

“Nennen sie das Ärger?” You said, without thinking everything through.

“Now say the same in Portuguese” You heard his voice but didn’t see him.

“É isso que eles chamam de problema?” You said again.

“Yeah, portuguese is defenitely sexier.” He laughed and grabbed the phone again to sit on the bed. He was shirtless and with his head on the headboard of the bed. “What did you said anyway?”

“Excuse me, I wasn’t aware I’d have to translate it.” You mocked being offended.

“Oh so it WAS dirty. I thought I was imagining.” He teased you.

“You’re smooth.” You shook your head. “I’m still not saying it. You’ll just have to learn Portuguese, or German.”

“I’ll learn Portuguese if you teach me.” He said. “How long are you here for?”

“Just till tomorrow.” You said. “Flying back to New York tomorrow night.”

“More interviews?” He asked.

“Tomorrow��s the last one actually. But I’m traveling with David, he makes the show with me, and I’ve kept him from his fiancé long enough. That and we have to prepare for big meeting with executives next week, you know find an agent and stuff.”

“I could talk to my agent if you want to, he’s an actors agent but maybe he knows someone for other kinds of jobs” He said. “You don’t have a fiancé to get back to, do you?”

“No. No fiancé or jobs for that matter.” You laughed. “And I’m not even sure what kind of jobs would those be.”

“Publicity deals. If I had a brand, I’d want you to be the face of it. It’s the face of diversity and youth, isn’t it? It’s a beautiful face” He said.

“The face of diversity and youth?” You laughed. “Now you’re the one confusing me with Tom Hanks” You joked and he laughed out loud. “I could use some friendly recommendation though, on the agent thing. I don’t even know where to start looking and sounds like the type of thing you don’t want to ask the wrong people” You added.

“Yeah, sure. He’ll know someone for sure.”

“Thank you”

“Glad to help! Really!” He smiled at you. “So where you going tomorrow?”

“Breakfast show at Radio 1. Greg James I think” You answered.

“Oh he’s great! We were there today. You’ll have a great time! It’s a bit early, no? Am I keeping you from sleep? Do you want to hang up?” He was cute, all concern and stuff.

“Yes, yes and no. I’m enjoying you keeping me from sleep.” You said. Maybe it was the time, but that was kind of bold Ana. Good job?

“Good. I’m enjoying it too.” He said while you were getting under the duvet, getting cozy. “Are you enjoying London? What’s your favorite place so far?”

“I loved what I’ve seen from the car window” You answered sadly. “And all the studios we’ve seen.” You laughed a little. “But since we’ve landed it’s been go go go.”

“That’s a great song though.”

“I can’t believe you got that reference.” You said surprised. You love The Maine.

“I love The Maine. Honest. ‘Where I come from you learn to make the best of things’”

“‘But honey since we’ve met you know you’ve had the best of me’” You mock singed together and laughed when you finished the verse.

“OH MY GOD DO YOU WANT TO MARRY ME?” He joked while laughing.

“YES! AND WE CAN GET ON THE ROAD CHASING INDIE BANDS ON TOUR?” You joked back.

“I mean, that’s the dream, that’s the dream.” He said. “I can’t believe that you haven’t seen London though. Wish you’d stay longer, I could take you some places. If you’d like, of course” He said.

“Don’t you have work? I though movie stars didn’t have time for tourism in their own home town” You teased.

“I’m sure movie stars don’t. Good thing I’m not one.” He said smirking.

“Ok, and where would you take me then?” You asked. Where you really contemplating extending your trip just right now? Get a grip on yourself woman.

“Uh, I don’t know. Parks?”

“Parks?” You laughed.

“And pubs.” He laughed too. “To be honest those are the only places I go to when I’m home. I take my dog on walks and drink with friends.”

“Doesn’t sound like a bad life to me.”

“No, I guess not.”

You guys kept talking for hours about everything and nothing. Favorite music, food, drinks, spots for each of those in different cities. You lived in NY but had lived in Berlin before and he was interested in that and you were very interested to hear about the places he’d been, but mostly about London.

“So you actually live here?” You asked him.

“What you mean? London? Yeah.”

“But don’t you work more in LA and stuff? You have a place there too?”

“Uh, no, actually. I don’t work there as much. No as much to justify getting a place anyway. If I’m honest, I haven’t stayed in the same place for too much time, unless I’m off work. And then I’ll be here. Closer to the family. Friends. You know.” He told you.

“That’s nice. It sucks to be away all the time”

“You probably know what I mean. There was a time I was considering getting a place in LA, you know, that whole Hollywood thing. And I was kind of seeing someone there at the time, so that might have had some influence in the decision. We were looking at houses and they were amazing, huge and crazily luxurious.”

“You were going to move in together?”

“No, she was just helping me look for places. Anyway, it didn’t worked out and in the mean time I found this house here so it was for the better I think.” He was opening up to you. “That’s really not for me. That whole life. Mansions, cars, the paparazzi.”

“Listen, I’m not sure how to break it to you. But you might not have chosen the best work line then.” You joked.

“No joke” He laughed. “I know it’s part of the job. At some extent. But I don’t need to go looking for trouble too. This way I’ll just deal with all that when I’m at the states and here I can focus on something else. Spend that money with something else. Spend my time with people that I actually care about and care about me. You know?”

“I like your mind” You said without thinking and there was a while of silence between the two of you.

“I think that’s the best compliment I ever gotten” He said.

“Shut up. You know what I mean.” You blushed.

“I know. And that’s why.” He smiled. “I like your mind too. I like that you don’t filter it. You’re genuine” You had blushed and closed your eyes at his compliment. When you opened them he was smiling at you. “You have the most amazing green eyes, you know that? They’re beautiful. And smile too. I love your smile.” You turned your head to the side, like you didn’t understand what he was saying, but you did. You were only studying him.

“Where you getting at Holland?”

“Can I see you tomorrow? Will you have sometime after your interview?” He asked.

“Yeah. I have the day actually, my flight is not until 11 at night, I think. When you want to meet?”

“I can pick you up right after and we can grab some lunch, sounds good?”

“Yeah, sounds perfect” You said and looked at the clock, it was 02:38 in the morning. “But I should probably try and get some sleep now, or I won’t be a real person tomorrow.” He touched the screen on his phone, probably looking at time himself.

“Shit, that’s late. Sorry, I didn’t felt the time” He apologized.

“Me neither” You smiled. You wanted to say more, like how amazing it was talking to him and that’s why time flew like that, how you haven’t felt that in many years. But you didn’t.

“Okay, I’ll let you go now. See you tomorrow then?”

“Yeah, see you tomorrow Holland” He laughed. “What?”

“I like how you call me by my last name. Sounds good. See you tomorrow (y/l/n)”

“I liked how mine sounded in your English accent”

“Yeah? Did I pronounce it right?” He laughed.

“Close enough” You laughed. “Alright, good-bye now”

“Tchau” He said while you hanged up, catching you by surprise.

You couldn’t believe what just happened. Oh boy indeed. You were sure you weren’t even going to be able to sleep tonight, smiling in the dark to yourself like that. Get a grip woman.

#tom holland #tom holland fic #tom holland x reader #tom holland one shot

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ohsugar-honey-iced-tea · 4 years ago

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A drunk mess pt. 2

Ina and Bella are openly together now, and they have to go to a birthdayparty from Lillian. Ina gets a bit tipsy and starts flirting with Bella, even tho they've been together for over 2 years.

This one's for @kulaykape as a thanks for giving us a happy ending to her miniseries.

Warning: this fic includes very, very bad pick up lines.

Enjoy!

@citybornchick @thedaft1 @astrangeandunusualgirl @dopeyouth @domakir

-------------------------------------------------------

It was 10.30 in the evening, and Lillian's birthday party was going very good. Charlotte was with her babysitter, so Ina could have some drinking fun with Lillian.

Bella was enjoying talking to several different people. Some were colleagues of Lillian, some were childhood friends, and some were family of Ina and Lillian. She actually got to know quite a few embarrasing stories of young Ina from her aunts, like when she was scared of the Easter Bunny when she was about 8 years old. She was totally gonna tease her about some of these things.

Meanwhile, Ina and Lillian were catching up over the last few months, with ofcourse, a bottle of wine near them. With Ina being very busy on her latest article, and Lillian being busy in the hospital, this was the first moment in a while they had together. They both got very tipsy, Ina more then Lillian, because, unlike Ina, Lillian could tell when she would have had enough.

Ina was very tipsy at this moment, and her and Lillian were joking arpund and laughing together. Until Ina's eye fell on Bella.

"Look at her. She, is a very cute girl-"

"Ina, you already know her, she's your-"

"I'm gonna shoot my shot, watch me, my young apprentice"

"But Ina-"

But Ina was already making her way through the crowd, on her way to 'make a move' on Bella.

She tapped Bella on her shoulder.

"I'm no mathematician, but I'm pretty good with numbers. Tell you what, give me yours and watch what I can do with it"

"Ina? What are you talking ab-"

"Are you're parents bakers? Because you are one cutie pie."

Ina grinned cheesy, almost...flirtingly? It scared Bella a little bit, if she were honest.

"Where have you been all-"

"You know, if you were a vegetable, you would be a cute-cumber."

"Ina, these are the worst pick-up-"

"So tell me, beautiful. Do you come here often?"

"We've been together for over 2 years, you know."

"...huh?"

"We live together!"

"...what?"

"We even have a dog together!"

"....you know, I'm not into watching sunsets, but I’d love to see you go down."

Ina made bedroom eyes, trying her hardest to get her to come with her.

"Is your name Winter? Because you’ll be coming soon"

"Oh my god, Ina! I can't believe how innaproperate you are being"

With that, Bella walked away from her. Ina watched her walk away. Lillian came to her and stood next to her.

"...so how's it going?"

Ina shoot her a big smile.

"I think this one will be mine soon, Lil!"

"...you know she's already in a relationship with you?"

Bella walked back to the two of them.

"I'm sorry Lillian, but Ina and I have to go home. Happy birthday!"

With that, she took Ina's hand and pulled her with her. Ina said one last thing to Lillian.

"Wish me luck!"

Lillian facepalmed herself.

"You know, as the 'smartest one' she can be one hell of a dumb person sometimes" she mumbled to herself.

...

Bella sat in the car with Ina. Ina kept trying to caress Bella's thigh as she tried to drive the car.

"You know, sweet thing, I don't do is on the first date often"

"You haven't had a date with someone else on two years!" Bella said, clearly annoyed with Ina.

"Babe, just be quiet for a while, please."

"Sure. I'll have you screaming later this night."

'Oh, you won't' Bella thought, clearly not planning on having sex with Ina when she's in this state of mind.

...

When Ina and Bella finally came home, Bella entered first, with Ina right behind her.

"Hey Dex, we're home. Be warned tho, momma got a little tipsy"

They walked in the livingroom together.

"Oh my... I like what you've done with the place."

"INA..." she took a breath to calm herself, trying to make her annoyance go away. "We have picked this out together! You've decorated almost everything yourself"

Nothing but a playful smirk was seen on Ina's face.

"...are you a sea lion? Because I can sea you lion in my bed tonight" Ina said with a wink.

"God, Ina!" Bella shot her hands up in frustration. "Where did you even learn pick up lines like these?"

"Pure talent, I guess" she said, while unbuttoning the first two buttons of her blouse.

"Oh my... it sure is hot in here." Ina said, as she started to show a little more skin to Bella.

"It must be these clothes..."

"Oh no, little miss, we're not doing anything tonight" Bella said, and made Ina sit down on the couch. She started to make some coffee to sober Ina up. Ina started to lie down on the couch in a, well, 'seductive' kind of way.

"I see you have a dog. I love dogs, but sometimes I'm more a pussy type of woman myself."

"INA, YOU BOUGHT DEXTER FOR ME AS A GIFT! AND DON'T YOU DARE TRAUMATISING HIM WITH YOUR PITY SEXUAL PICK UP LINES!"

Ina simply smiled at her.

"....you're telling me we are together?"

"Yes!"

"...for over 2 years?"

"YES!"

".....then I am blessed to have such a beautiful girl all to myself."

Bella started to blush a little.

"Well, thank you, I-"

"And look at that ass! Those breasts!" Ina started, very excitedly.

"....babe please, don't-"

But Ina was already standing behind her, squeezing her breasts.

"I can't believe I get to squeeze these breasts for the rest of my life!"

Bella rolled her eyes and walked away from Ina.

"Alright, I think it's defenitely time to go to bed"

Ina put yet again her bedroom eyes on.

"Ah yes, let's go, shall we?" Ina said as she caressed her ass"

"Mmmm, you wish" she said, and walked towards their bedroom.

...

When Bella finally got Ina to bed with her, she fell into slumber as soon as she hit the bed, while she was still in her normal clothes and everything, so Bella had to get her out of her clothes while she was sleeping, which, she knew from previous experience, is not the easiest thing to do.

Even when Ina was sleeping, Bella could hear her say bad pick up lines.

"....did it hurt......fall out of the sky......cause you're an angel"

Dexter poked his head through the door, curious about what was happening. On that moment, Bella got Ina in the right position in their bed.

"Well, buddy. I guess it's you and me now."

After staying in the livingroom for a while and taking Dexter for a walk, Bella decided she had to go to sleep too.

She got undressed, and stepped into bed, laying next to a now snoring very loud Ina.

Luckily, she learned from earlier mistakes, and bought earplugs to put in her ears. She put the plugs in, and tried to sleep as much as she could.

...

Ina woke up first, with a major hangover. She could barely remember anything from last night.

"...sweetheart?"

Bella stirred, still half asleep.

"What is it?"

"...I remember things vaguely from last night. What exactly happened?"

Bella turned around so she was facing Ina.

"Well, you made like a 100 pick up lines on me, and you just smiled even though it annoyed the hell out of me."

"Oh, well... I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable" Ina said, with a little frown on her face.

Bella smiled and kissed her cheek.

"Don't be babe. I love you, and that behaviour is part of the 'Ina Kingsley package'. It might have annoyed me a lot, but I can't stay mad at you."

Ina gave her a devious look.

"Well, let me make it up to you then" Ina said, and started to lie on top of her and kiss her on her most sensitive spot on her neck

"Ohh... well, if this is how you make it up to me, maybe I should get you drunk more often" Bella said, as she felt Ina's hand go from her hands to further below, stoking her.

"Trust me, I'm not done with you for the next few hours" she said, as she made one finger glide into her.

End

#ina x mc #ina kingsley #fluff #choices

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b-lessings · 4 years ago

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Hello again angel :’) I am saying again because I did reply the first time with a long-bum post, I had all my ideas well-organized and detailed and I was being very eloquent but then guess what? Tumblr lost the post like bam! it disappeared and it didn’t want to be posted *crying in Egyptian* So I got on my laptop and I am trying to remember the sequencing of my ideas (thus the lack of emojis, but I did put lots of hearts and lots of flower emojis in my initial reply * pouts * )

- First and foremost, you have no idea how grateful I am that I am hearing from you again. I kept your old ask in my inbox and every time I see I’d just send positive thoughts and prayers you way hoping that you are safe and sound. so THANK YOU for reaching out again, for the positive updates and for being okay *red heart emoji*

- Secondly, and it’s also quite important, I am seeing, sensing and recognizing so much growth, so much serenity, so much inner-peace in your words I swear I couldn’t be any prouder nor happier for you! The biggest win you can reach is your inner-peace and your calmness face to abusers or toxic people. That’s incredible, you really deserve to feel proud of yourself about that!

- Building on that, my third thought was that even though you won, you technically won just one fight and not the whole war. In other words, having a little experience with toxic family myself, I can assure you that it’s not over yet. Abusers or toxic people don’t like to lose or give up, they’ll still sneak up on you and find words to hurt you over and over again. So SPOILER ALERT: BEWARE! it’s gonna happen again, maybe not the same way but a conflict will defenitely take place at some point. Thus, here are a few life-hacks that I’d like to share with you, based on my therapist’ s tips: 1) Be ready. Keep your guards up. Expect it to happen , anticipate it. When you are mentally prepared for something bad, no matter how hard it’s going to be, training your mind and anticipating it kinda lessens its intensity ( do you get me?) like it’s not gonna take you up by surprise, so it will hopefully affect you less.

2) Speaking of guards and walls up, build a (mental/hypothetical) wall around yourself, your heart and your emotions, so that when the abuse goes out coming your way, it hits the wall and goes back to its source. Now I know this might sound absurd, but trust me, it’s a great trick or tool. You might not achieve it from the first try but eventually you’ll get the hang of it, I promise.

3) Hypothetical confrontation: Now I know you said in your ask that you feel light and at a good place, but trust me, that’s only a temporary high, the repressed charge of anger, deception, hurt, frustration is down there somewhere in your heart, your brain is blocking it and not thinking about it now and I am worried it would creep out on you and get out at the wrong moment at the right person. So here’s what I’d love for you to try and work on ( or at least think about it because I swear it is one of the hardest things ever to do ) is to imagine a scenario where you are facing the abuser/toxic person and ask yourself “ if they were here, what would I wanna say to them, what can I say to them?” and let it all out. You might wanna be alone in the house or somewhere else, out, in the park or something because there is gonna be a lot of shouting, yelling, rough words, you can even hit your pillows if you want, just let out that negative energy that’s residing inside your chest and eventually, if you manage to do this, that’s when you’ll feel the real lightness :’)

Well, this brings me to the end of my post. I just want to say again and again how proud of you I am and that you got my unconditional love and support through this! I am here if you wanna talk more or anything :’)

Finally, you have to really be proud of how far you’ve come and be proud of what you are doing. I am sure your future self is watching you right now with teary eyes being grateful for the fights you are putting and for standing your ground. You are being so unbelievably strong, you are a hero. So keep going, don’t back down. And remember, you have the control over what and who to hurt you and what and who to not hurt you.

P.s. I wasn’t gonna share the ask for respect to your private details but I loved this last part that you wrote and I thought it was worth sharing so I took a screenshot of it, I hope you don’t mind. It’s really important our voices and our sides of the story get across and people know how things should be and not just blindly worship parents and give them a free pass for everything.

P.P.s I LOVE YOU for calling me A :’) It made my whole day *red heart emoji * * flying heart emoji * * sparkle heart emoji *

Stay safe and be proud of yourself :)

#anon reply #this girl is a hero #all my love and support #go ahead tumblr lose my post again lol

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itubainaretro · 5 years ago

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In a parallel universe Sander and Robbe are neighbours and Sander has a cat called Ziggy who is known for roaming around free and entering people’s homes without being invited.

One day Sander is finishing one of his art projects and he hears someone screaming and as it seems like the scream came from nearby he decides to go to his front door to check what the noise was about.

When he gets outside he is met with a boy, probably about his age, maybe a bit younger, looking scared to death, outside his own apartment, door opened and seemingly shocked.

“Are you okay?” Sander asks the boy who looks as pale as the white walls near them.

“There’s a cat inside. It almost jumped on me. I don’t have a cat.”

Sander smiles when he sees Ziggy walking out of the boy’s apartment, as calm as she could be, almost as if she owned the place, and shakes his head, ready to apologize.

“It’s Ziggy, I’m so sorry. She thinks she owns this place and that every open window is in a invitation to come inside. You’re new here, right? My last neighbour was already used to it. I’m really sorry.”

Ziggy comes near Sander and starts walking in between his legs, in that way cats love to do, and he picks her up and tries to come closer to the boy that still looks a bit shaken up.

“Hey, it’s okay, it’s just Ziggy, she means no harm.”

The boys smiles and comes closer, petting Ziggy.

“Realistically speaking I knew she meant no harm and that she wouldn’t kill me, I was just startled. I’m sorry.”

“No need to apologize, I’m the one who should be doing that, anyways. I should’ve at least warned you when you first moved in. Come, I’ll make you some coffee as an apology. I’m Sander, by the way.”

Sander then points at Ziggy, almost asleep in his arms. “And this is Ziggy, but I think you already met each other.” He says in a teasing way, winking at his neighbour.

The boy finally laughs, looking more relaxed, and introduces himself. “I’m Robbe.”

Robbe gets his keys and accepts Sander’s coffee invitation.

It becomes a thing after that and none of them worry too much about it. Sander knows where Ziggy is and Robbe knows now that Ziggy really means no harm and mostly just wants to sleep on his couch.

She is the reason why more often than not Sander knocks on Robbe’s door to get his cat back and ends up staying the night instead, talking, laughing, smoking, cooking, watching tv.

One day, though, Sander seems fed up with the situation.

“Ziggy likes you more than she likes me and that is a fact.” He huffs out.

“She likes my couch.” Robbe contorts.

“Then why does she keep following you around?”

Robbe makes a confused face, so Sander continues.

“If you’re laying on the couch, she’s laying on the couch, if you sit on the floor, she sits on the floor, if you go to the kitchen she follows you.”

“Are you serious right now?” Robbe can’t hide the laugh he’s trying to hold back.

“Yes, I am, and if you don’t believe me just get up and go somewhere.”

Robbe rolls his eyes but does as he’s told and gets up from the couch to go grab a water bottle in the fridge. And just like Sander said she would, Ziggy comes after him.

Sander raises his eyebrows when Robbe comes back, as if saying “what did I say?”.

“This proves nothing. If anything it proves she’s a smart cat, because she knows I have treats for her in the kitchen and she comes with me to get them.”

“Then go somewhere else.”

“Sander. Are you serious right now?” Robbe is properly laughing now.

Sander doesn’t look like he’s finding it funny, though, so Robbe goes to the other side of the living room to open the window. This time, though, Ziggy stops halfway through and lies down on the floor to sleep again.

Robbe comes back to the couch with a winning smile and brags about being right.

“Whatever.” Is Sander’s response.

“I can’t believe you’re jealous.” Robbe says, still laughing.

“I’m not.”

“Yes, you are. You’re super jealous.”

“I’m not jealous, Robbe.”

Robbe smiles softly at Sander. “Okay, okay, you’re not jealous, I won’t say anything anymore.”

Sander sighs and looks down. “Okay, maybe I am a little bit jealous.” He says in a hushed voice. “But not of you.”

“What?” Robbe swears he’s lost now.

Sander continues looking down and after biting his lip, deciding if he should be telling Robbe this or not, he lets it go and says. “Maybe I’m a bit jealous of Ziggy?” and it sounds like a question and Robbe is defenitely lost.

“What? How?”

“Well, she gets to follow you around and cuddle you and spend her whole day with you in bed and on the couch and all I get to do is want the same thing while sitting on this stupid unconfortable chair.” Sander says it all in one breath.

Robbe is surprised but still he decides to take his cue. “Well, that’s easy to fix, then. Come here.”

Sander looks up, then, like he’s surprised that they’re actually really doing this. Robbe smiles at him and waits on the couch.

Sander gets up from the usual chair he sits on and comes easily to the couch, although still looking a little bit embarrassed that he let all that out. They lie down facing each other, arms and legs overlapping one another, and both Robbe and Sander think there’s nowhere in the world they’d rather be.

Sander finally lets out a content sigh and Robbe smiles at him. In that moment they both thank all the entities they know the name of for this little moment.

They both know they’re staring at each other’s lips now, so before closing the gap between them, Robbe makes sure to tell Sander what he’s been thinking since their ridiculous argument started. “You’re ridiculous.”

Sander’s “I know” gets trapped between their lips.

Hours later they’re interrupted by Ziggy jumping on the couch, demanding afection and food, and this time Robbe makes Sander get up and go to the kitchen, saying Ziggy will follow him.

When Ziggy does follow Sander, waiting for a treat, Robbe starts laughing and only stops when he gets a pillow thrown at his face and the faint sound of a “fuck you” coming from the kitchen.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i don’t even know what this is it’s just that yesterday i was home alone and all of a sudden a cat was almost jumping on me in my bedroom and i don’t even have a cat and i’m still wondering how the hell that cat entered my room and i don’t know why it made me think of robbe and sander and then i wrote this lsjdlasjdljsldaj i’m so sorry lmao

#wtfock #wtfam #robbe x sander #rosander fic #sobbe fic

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minervahopebeyond · 4 years ago

Text

Blood Daffodils.

Hello!! So here it is! I hope you like it, we are so near to the battle that I’m internally screaming. Please let me know what you thought!! 💕💕 I love to read your comments, they always make my day a little bit better 😊✨ Ps. I’ve checked but sorry if you find any errors in this one

Chapter 18: Safe house.

He slowly opened his eyes, very aware of the fact that he was alone in Harry’s bed... The memories of the night before flashed through his mind and he couldn’t help but to smile as he turned and buried his nose in the pillow, enjoying the smell of Potter’s cologne. Where was he?

Draco got off the bed and grabbed the night-robe that was on the chair right beside him.

Everything seemed pretty quiet, if Harry had woken up early, normally, he could hear him preparing breakfast downstairs, just because he was bored. But no, nothing.

He started to climb down the stairs, and, with every step he took, Draco was feeling more and more nervous. The flowers weren’t hurting him because they were still too happy from last night, but they were alert and that wasn’t a good thing. When the blond boy opened the door of the kitchen, and didn’t find any sign of Potter, he turned around and ran upstairs.

He opened the door of his bedroom, quietly, just in case that Ron was actually still sleeping and he was just being a paranoid arsehole, jumping to conclusions. The room was desolated, Weasley’s backpack wasn’t on the corner were it always was, and when Draco opened their wardrobe he was not shocked to find that most of his friend’s clothes were gone.

“No no no no no no no.” He mumbled repeatedly as he crossed the hallway to open Granger’s room without knocking.

Clean. Perfectly well made bed, the muggle photographs that she had in her nightstand weren’t there and, just like Ron, most of her clothes weren’t there either.

Gryffindor back-stabbing traitors. No, he wasn’t going to allow this.

He walked to his room again, the house still in silence, and took the map from under his bed. If they were at Grimmauld again he was going to kill them.

And he tried the spell.

And he tried it again.

And again

And again.

The blood wasn’t moving. It attempted to, it circled but it settled right in the same spot still.

‘Why isn’t it working?’

The flowers were scratching him now, like the drugged haze had finally faded away, and it made him very aware that something was definitely wrong. Like the kind of wrong that he couldn’t fix.

He tried the spell again and the blood still marked the same spot. ‘But they aren’t here, are they?’

“Oh no, weasel. Tell me you didn’t.” Draco pleaded as he reached over to the little drawer in the redhead’s nightstand. The place where he kept the pictures of his family and the little rock that Granger had found in the garden one day, claiming that it had a shape of a heart before leaving it on the grass again, the one that Ron secretly put in his pocket afterwards. Everything that was important to him was kept in that drawer... Now it was empty, except for one thing.

The coughing fit started as soon as he saw it. Fucking weasel, bloody excuse of a best friend, lying to his fucking face, leaving the necklace and leaving him here. The tears started to course down his cheeks, his lungs were burning worst than ever.

He saw a little note taped, almost hidden in the back of the drawer. Desperately, he reached over to take it in his hands. Maybe it was an address, maybe he had tricked the other two stupid parts of the Golden Trio.

He felt like his heart was shattering in a million pieces.

I’m sorry, Ferret. It wasn’t my call.

He let out a cry of pain as he felt the flowers tearing him up inside. His throat was raw from the screaming as he just kept on coughing and crying. Petal after petal, the pain didn’t stop. Not even a bit, nothing.

The daffodils kept on screaming at him, making things worse, they always made everything fucking worse.

‘HE LEFT US, HE DOESN’T WANT US. HE LEFT US, HE DOESN’T WANT US. HE LEFT US, HE DOESN’T WANT US. HE LEFT US, HE DOESN’T WANT US.’

And if that thought alone wasn’t enough for Draco to choke, it was replaced by something much more painful: the truth.

‘HE DOESN’T LOVE US BACK, HE DOESN’T CARE.’

Suffocation. Unstoppable suffocation.

He heard someone running down the hallway, the door being slammed open.

“KID! SIRIUS! COME NOW-“

But Mr. Potter was cut short by Draco coughing even louder, wheezing as the little air entered to be expelled from his lungs as soon as possible. The raw pain in the middle of the chest was something that he felt kind of familiar with... But not quite like this. Never like this.

“HARRY!!” James cried for help and that only made things worse. Because Potter was not coming. Potter had actually abandoned him and left with his true friends. Potter had finally come to terms with him being a fucking liability on the battle field. The same boy that the night before had kissed him before whispering that Draco was perfect.

The unbearable need to expulse the Daffodil took over. He started to force his own coughs, it was like he was finally controlling some of this awful feeling. It sounded horrible, though.

“CAN SOMEONE IN THIS HOUSE COME HERE?? Kid, you are going to be fine, I swear-“

“Harry isn’t here.” Sirius worried voice echoed in the room. He coughed even harder. “Oh, Circe. James! Harry isn’t here” He repeated as he threw himself to the floor and started to hug Draco tightly.

“Little cousin. Listen to me.” His voice was interrupted by the first entire Daffodil coming out from his mouth, all covered in scarlet blood. Yes, the first one, because the chest crushing pain wasn’t going away, which meant that there were more coming. “Oh for Merlin. THAT’S AN ENTIRE DAFFODIL JAMES!-“

“Sirius, you are not helping.”

“Oh, really?” And Draco felt his cousin taking his face in his hands, forcing him to look up, even though the has still coughing and the drops of blood were staining his hands. “Draco: Harry is in love with you. Do you hear me? He’s been in love with you for a long time, he said so. James, tell him.”

“Yes, kid... He would kill us for telling you, but he is.”

And Draco forced himself to cough the second daffodil, all disgustingly red and burning its way up his throat. And once the fucking flower was out, he raised his eyes and hissed.

“Don’t fucking lie to me.” He cleaned his mouth with the back of his hand, still crying. “He left me here! I’m going to strangle him.”

And, suddenly, with Draco coughing a little more softly, no longer in immediate danger, James and Sirius were slapped in the face with the situation.

Harry had ran away. He left. He took Granger and Weasley with him. Draco felt like the tears in their eyes were even more heart breaking than what Potter did to him.

——————————-

“Pack you bags. We are leaving, kid.”

Draco frowned as he lifted his eyes from his book.

“What?”

“We are going to a safe house. The wards are too weak because you are sick and Sirius level of anxiety keeps his magic out of control. I can’t keep them up for much longer. We are leaving.”

His voice sounded so determined, there was no place for Draco’s opinion there. None. And they couldn’t leave.

“They are not back yet!” He said and that made the daffodils hurt him because it was like he kept reminding them that Potter was not here. He coughed a few times before speaking again. “ Your son isn’t back yet.”

“I am fully aware. Pack your bags.”

“NO.”

And the door of his bedroom was opened again, this time Sirius entering the room. It was kind of weird because he could feel him... his magic. Normally he felt everyone’s magic, but in this case? It was like something that burned him, that made him nervous. Mr. Potter said that the more you live with it, the less you feel it.

“Is everything alright?”

“No. It’s not! “ Draco told his cousin, his voice was desperate, trying to find some kind of support. “I’m not going anywhere. They said not to send anything, if we leave then they are not going to be able to find us.”

Mr. Potter was looking at him, Draco could see the purple circles around his brown eyes, the bags under them, and he could notice that he was tired beyong measure... But they couldn't leave. He loved Sirius and James with his entire heart but if this was a choice between them and Potter... It was always going to be Potter. Even if the arsehole left him to rot in this house and had no intention whatsoever in coming back. Even then.

Sirius walked passing by Mr. Potter, and he touched his arm in a very gentle way as he did. He continued walking until he was beside Draco's bed. He sighed and then spoke, his voice cracking in the middle.

"Little cousin, if they want to find us they can. I know that, James knows that and <cite>you </cite> defenitely know that. We can't send a Patronus, but they can, they just are choosing not to."

Yeah, that or they actually were in danger, hurt, kidnap or worse... But neither Draco or them had intentions of bringing that up. The flowers were already constant reminder of how worried he was and how unwanted he felt. So fucking lonely and angry... and still, here he was, trying to convince them to stay, hoping to hear the crack of apparation and Potter's voice again.

“Can’t we wait another day...? Please.” Draco begged Sirius with the puppy eyes that usually worked on him. Out of the two of them, Sirius was the most permissive and soft. James was much more ‘If you live under my roof you are going to follow my rules’ but given that he looked like a twenty-two year old... well, it looked rather comical for him to be setting rules and shit. But he still did, like right now.

“Jamie, could you leave us alone for a minute?” He asked kindly, looking at the man behind him.

“No, Padfoot. You are going to cave! I can see it in those stupidly gorgeous eyes of yours.”

But Sirius just held his gaze, the corner of his lips moving sightly upwards, and Mr. Potter huffed before excusing himself out of the room.

It was rather cute, how utterly whipped James was. He always thought that it would be Sirius, the one who gave him all... But after living with them for so much time he realized that if his cousin asked for something, then Mr. Potter would just do it. He enjoyed spoiling Sirius. Draco saw himself in Mr. Potter sometimes, doing things just to make Harry happy.

‘Look how that turned out.’

He couldn’t help to cough a little and Sirius turned to look at him again, this time something that resembled pity appeared in his eyes. Draco hated pity.

“We really have to leave. Someone offered us a safe place and we have to take it-“

“Who?” Draco asked as he played with the pages of his book, just to occupy his hands in something other than this horrible conversation, in something other than the constant taste of blood in his mouth.

“Remus.” Sirius answered.

Draco raised his eyebrows and looked up, surprised. They hadn’t seen Remus and Nymphadora since the wedding... Sirius and James had told him that Dora was expecting almost a month after the six of them started to be locked up in the mansion. Apparently she was a couple of months into the pregnancy the last time they had seen them. Harry was desperate to see Remus and Dora, to know that they were okay... and now he wasn’t even here.

Edward Remus Lupin had been born on the beginning of March and Draco craved to meet him, he just wished that it would have been in other circumstances.

“Sirius... Just one day. Is the only thing I’m asking... Give them one more day and if they are not back yet then I go without saying anything.” His cousin sighed, tired.

“I’ll see what I can do-“

“Yes! Thank you!” And Draco pulled him into a bone crushing hug. Sirius chuckled a little as he hugged him back.

“You are not the only one who is hurting you know...” He said and made Draco’s heart ache. “ This isn’t easy for him, he is trying to keep us alive because he cares, because he loves us too.” There was a pause, he felt like it lasted forever. “Do you think that he doesn’t want to go after him? He already missed so much of Harry’s life and now-“

“I know.” Draco whispered with his voice cracking. “I just- I wished they hadn’t left.”

Draco hated to talk about this because Sirius would <cite>always</cite> reply the same way. This time was no different.

“He is too in love with you, it clouds his judgement.”

And, as always, Draco started to cough, staining his cousin’s shirt with the drops of blood. Sirius stopped talking after that.

——————————

Mr. Potter had to sided apparated both of them. The poor man was getting exhausted and it showed on his face. Draco and Sirius were in no state to apparate by themselves, there was no other choice.

They apparated in the middle of nowhere. At least, that’s what Draco thought because there was literally nothing except from trees around them.

“Well, this brings me back.” Sirius said as he grabbed the luggage. Draco couldn’t even carry his own because just walking was exhausting. He felt so bloody weak.

Mr. Potter offered him his arm as support, saying that the house wasn’t far away but maybe it would be too much for Draco to walk alone.

The flowers were constantly cutting him. He became used to the disgusting metallic taste in his mouth mixed with the flowery taste. And the lungs, Merlin. Breathing was so fucking difficult, it was a chore, a job, he had to do it and force himself to keep on doing it because otherwise he would die... But it was so painful, so fucking painful. Like, right then, Draco could feel the breeze caressing his face, he could smell the scent of the forest, but when he tried to take a deep breath it would just end in coughing. The flowers missed Potter and Draco felt the same way, he couldn’t even argue with them about it.

It seemed invisible at first, the wards were so perfectly maintained that you couldn’t even imagine were the cabin even was. Mr. Potter and Sirius clearly knew the path by heart, as to how... it was a mystery to Draco. The trees all looked the same to him.

“Where are we?”

“Cheshire, in the Delamere forest.” James answered with a kind voice. “We used to come here all the time on summers.”

Draco looked around, it was very pretty although for him it was like being in the middle of nowhere. It looked like all was orange and green with the right light. It was almost noon, the sun rays passed through the treetops and formed a halo over some them. It looked rather beautiful... If Draco weren’t feeling like a walking corpse he would probably take a walk around.

Then, just behind a rather large beech, a small wooden cabin appeared into view. Remus and Nymphadora had adjusted the wards for them so they could get in easily. Still, once they were inside of the wards they found Remus standing in front of the house pointing at them with his wand.

“When did you figured out my secret? What did you tell me when you did?” His voice was controlled and steady. Mr. Potter was the one who answered first.

“Second year, after Halloween. I told you that you were the least scary person I knew, that my mom still had the first place when she was angry.”

Then Remus turned to Sirius, asking him what was the thing that scared him the most, the one thing that he confessed to him at Grimmauld.

“You told me that you were scare of being alone again. After I escaped, you were staying at Grimmauld’s in the guest room with the pink lamp that I hate, we were kind of drunk and you told me that you never wanted to be alone again.”

And finally he turned to Draco. It was rather comical because he was so stressed out and tired and he missed Potter so much that he coughed a few petals right there.

“Hello, Draco.” Remus said with a smile. “I heard that you didn’t want to come at all.”

The blond boy sighed and pushed Mr. Potter to move forward and enter the house already. He wasn’t in the bloody mood.

Remus yelled, telling Nymphadora that it was safe to come out, and suddenly, Draco was in front of a one-month-old baby. His cousin was there too, helding the little thing, but he couldn’t take his eyes away from Edward.

He was so so little, his hair was light blue, almost turquoise, it was one of the proofs of his metamorphmagus powers. His eyes were dark, but most babies didn’t show their true eye color until they were three months old...

He let go of James’ arm and began to walk towards little Edward.

He could hear everyone talking around him, the marauders greeting each other, even Dora joking about the fact that Draco hadn’t said hi to any of them but here he was, enchanted by little Teddy.

Once he was finally in front of him, he said a little quiet ‘Hi’ to Nymphadora and then continued to fix his eyes on the baby.

“Hi, I’m your cousin... I don’t have cool hair like you but we are related.”

Edward blinked, it seemed like he almost understood what Draco had said because his eyes were trying hard to focus in his blond hair. He extended one of his chubby hands towards it with difficulty and Draco bowed his head to let this cute baby touch his hair.

He was too little, he didn’t have a strong grip, he was kind of messing up Draco’s hair and trying to pull it but failing in the process and ending up running his fingers through it instead.

“Teddy seems to like you, little cousin.” Nymphadora said with amusement, he was about to respond when he heard Sirius.

“Hey! Don’t call him that, he is my little cousin, find your own.” He could hear Mr. Potter’s laughter and when he moved away from Edward’s to see them, they were already hugging.

“Ignore him, Tonks! He is just afraid that the kid might like you better-“

“I am not!” Sirius exclaimed.

Nymphadora chuckled before responding.

“He is my little cousin too, stupid! And now, just because you said that, I’m going to call him that all the time.” Sirius gasped and Draco couldn’t help but to laugh. Then, Dora turned around and gestured for them to enter already. “I’m preparing lunch. Honey, would you showed them their bedroom?” And Remus nodded, of course.

Draco made an effort to take a few steps towards Sirius to pull him into a hug, stealing him from Mr. Potter’s arms.

“Don’t worry, you’re still my favorite.” He said in a low voice and even though Sirius’ eyes shone with happiness, he just flipped his hair and shrugged.

“Of course I am. It isn’t even a competition because if it were: I would totally win.”

Draco laughed again and tightened his arms around his cousin, walking towards the little cabin. He thought that Potter would love to be here... and the flowers started to scratch him again.

‘WE SHOULDN’T HAVE LEFT.’

And he kind of agreed with them a little.

———————————

At night, Draco laid in the pull out couch in the middle of the living room. The house was quiet and the only sound he could hear was the wind going through the trees, making them move and the animals that chose the night to walk around the forest. That was all he could hear and it was beautiful. The flowers were moving restlessly inside of him. Of course sleeping wasn't an option, these days he could barely get three hour of uninterrupted sleep, they wouldn't let him get more than that. He sometimes felt like they were being ungrateful with Sirius and Mr. Potter... But given the fact that the daffodils were actually Draco, maybe he was the one who was being an ungrateful brat and couldn't admit it.

Draco missed Potter. He actually missed Harry and felt like calling him by his first name did not express how mad he was, or how sad, or even how much he wanted him. 'Potter' was a name that came with so much history, such long years of pining that seemed to never end. Everytime he had let himself think that it was possible, that maybe something was starting to finally come together... Every single hope he had would get crushed. He hated it, he was tired of it.

But he missed him. He missed him so much that his entires body craved and ached for him. So much that the flowers sometimes would get tired of hurting him, after so much hours doing the same bloody thing...

And he wanted to tell him, he wanted to tell him everything. About the cabin, about Edward, about Remus and Nymphadora. He wanted to tell him about James and how much of an angel he was, that he left this cabin in his will for Remus, that he had to actually fight with him to take it after all this years... He wanted to tell him everything and he couldn’t because he was not there.

No talks after midnight, no stolen kisses in the middle of the day, no listening to Queen while Potter run his fingers through his hair, and no-

He cursed under his breath at the feelin of the flowers cutting him open, coughing wildly. No more nights like the one in the attic.

He moved the covers, freeing himself from them and cursed because of the pain and effort that took standing up by himself. He walked very slowly to the wooden round table in the kitchen and grabbed one of the quills and come parchment that Remus had left there before going to bed. He sat down on the chair, making it creak, look at the blanc parchment and took a deep breath. It wasn’t the same, but it was something. He missed Potter, he missed him and if he didn’t do something about it soon the flowers were going to kill him.

Dear Harry:

#drarry #fanfic #fanfiction #prongsfoot

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dayawantstosleep · 4 years ago

Text

Goo Goo Eyes

Summary: "Making goo goo eyes at Chan again?"

Genre: hogwarts au, enemies to lovers au, fluff, angst

Word Count: 2,391

Warnings: swear words

I rocked back and forth on the balls of my feet for the sixteenth time today. The red sweater I wore felt too tight on me and my stomach felt funny.

"Hey." I turned around to a soft voice to see Chan smiling at me. His hair was parted in the middle and brown roots were peeking out from his blonde hair. It made him look more attractive.

He wore simple black dress pants, a white shirt and nice black dress shoes. I hope he didn't notice me staring as he approached.

"Hey." I fixed my grey cardigan and smiled back at him.

"Do you wanna go to the three broomsticks?" I suggested.

"I'll go wherever with you." He said, dazzling me with a smile.

"Cheesy. I didn't expect you to be the type. Let's go to Madam Paddifoot's." I said, burying my hands in my jean pockets. Both of started walking away from the castle.

"You know if we get caught, I'm blaming you." He teased and I wriggled my nose.

"That's fair. You're paying for my coffee though." I teased him right back.

"Why do you like me?" I asked. Chan turned to me and stopped walking. I hid my face in my hands, silenty asking the ground to open up and swallow me whole.

"What's not to like? You're pretty and really smart. You're also kind, who doesn't think I'm evil. You've helped me so much these past few years, you know? Like when you and Seungmin volunteered for the Yule Ball committe because you didn't want me to be alone." I laughed.

"No one wanted to plan it with you. I had a crush on you back then too, so of course I'd volunteer."

"And you never told me?" He asked, hand ln his chest in a dramatic way. I shook my head.

"I thought I was way out of your league. So instead I admired you from afar." I said with a shrug.

"For the record, you're defenitely not out of my league." He reached for my hand and I took it, a warm feeling in my stomach.

"That's good to know." I said as I walked along the streets of Hogsmeade.

I lead him into a small pink and green shop. I've never been there before, but I've heard good things about it.

"Woah." He said as I opened the door. The smell of sugar hit me at full force, but the thing that caught me off guard was the frilly pink everywhere.

"Have you been here before?" I asked, smiling brightly. He smiled back at me and sat down at a nearby chair.

"Yeah." He said as I sat down in front of him.

"What do you wanna order? There's this really good chamomile tea." He said and I nodded.

"Well, then I'll get that."

As soon as I got my tea and a piece of strawberry cake, I felt the need to eat it all quickly. Except, I resisted since I'm on a date with Chan.

He had a slice of chocolate cake with ice cream and chamomile tea as well. I took a sip of my tea and the doorbell rang, signalling another customer.

I nearly spat my tea out as I saw who it was. No freaking way, I did not see Changbin and half the Quidditch team (Han, Soobin and a few others) sit down at the far corner of the room.

"Are you okay?" I turned to a concerned Chan and I cleared my throut before nodding furiously.

"Yeah. I just...burned myself."

"Drink it carefully, okay? Want a piece of my chocolate cake?" He slid the plate over to me and cut a piece with his fork.

"Say ah." He instructed and butterflies erupted in my stomach.

Han laughed loudly and I turned to him. Changbin was glaring our way, and the butterflies dissapeared.

"Aria?" I turned to see Chan holding his fork out to me. Shoot, I forgot to open my mouth. I opened my mouth and took a bite of cake.

The cake was good. I nodded and tried to focus on my date. Stupid me for feeling this way over Changbin.

"It's really good." I slid the cake back towards him and I cut a piece of my own cake before holding it out to him.

"My turn." I said and he took a bite of my cake.

"That's really good." I smiled and nodded.

"I bet." I said, taking a bite of my own cake.

I set my cup of tea down on the small white plate and smiled brightly at Chan. He seemed to be enjoying the date.

He looked at me intently and smiled. Normally I would have found this cute, but since I haven't been myself lately, something felt off.

I felt like something was off with my feelings.

"Can I kiss you?" He asked out of the blue and my eyes widen. They travelled towards the far corner of the room, to a certain Slytherin who was staring at us.

"Here? Right now? There are a lot of people here." I fiddled with my fingers, feeling my cheeks grow hot.

Out of the corner of my eye, Chan turned around.

"Ah. I get it." He says, turning back to me. He stood up and I widen my eyes.

"What are you doing?" I asked but he just. shakes his head before walking to my side.

"You don't like me, do you?" He asked softly.

"What?"

"I mean, you did at first but then your feelings changed. Don't worry, you'll always be my friend." He leaned forward and kissed my cheek.

"What? Wait, Chan. Don't go." I pleaded.

"Take care of him, yeah?" With that said, he walked out the door. I sighed and put my elbow in the table, laying my cheek against it.

I just let one of the most perfect guys ever leave me in a tea room. What in the world is wrong with me? I should have ignored Changbin and his stupid friends. Why would Changbin even like me? I've been rude to him and bitchy.

"Look what we have here?" I resisted the urge to grab Chan's uneaten cake and throw it at his stupid handsome face.

Wait, did I saw handsome?

"Quit acting." I said

"Here." He shoved a rose in my hand and I curled my lip. How convenient.

"I don't want it." I set it on the table and turned to him. His lips were in a tight line, his eyes set on the rose.

"Sit down and eat Chan's cake. You look pathetic." I snapped, taking the last sip of my tea.

"Look whose talking. Did Chan finally come to his senses and ditch you?" I frowned.

Who the fuck does he think he is insulting me? Here I was, trying to feed his ass and he was being an ungrateful brat.

"I'm leaving." I stood up but he grabbed my wrist.

"I am not paying for your food." He said and I sighed. I sat back down and flagged down a waiter.

"How can I help you, miss?" A cute guy with feckles asked.

"My friend's fork fell. Can I get another one please?" He nodded and ran off God knows where.

I leaned back into my chair, feeling stupid for having feelings for the man in front of me. The waiter came back with a fork and set it down on the table.

"Here you go, Ma'am. My name is Felix if you need anything else." He smiled brightly and I nodded before he walked away.

"Eat the stupid cake quickly. I wanna go home." I snapped, crossing my arms.

"The guy was flirting with you. I'm sure he'll take you." Changbin said, stabbing a piece of cake.

Can I please combust his ass?

"Whatever."

"You're not that ugly." He said and I scoffed.

"Shut the hell up and start eating, unless you want me to eat it for you." He froze and slid the cake towards me.

What the fuck is even happening right now?

"Do it then." He said with a smirk.

"Can I stab you with my fork? Because I freaking will if you don't stop doing whatever you're doing right now." I crossed my arms and leaned back into the chair.

"Fine." He grabbed the cake again and started eating. I ran a hand through my hair, feeling a pang of guilt.

"Felix isn't my type." I said and turned away.

"What?"

"You heard me. He might be really cute with the freckles, but I don't like him. Happy now?" He just turned to his cake and continued eating.

Has he always looked that way? His eyes sparkled, the way Chan's used to. I closed my eyes and when I opened them Changbin was staring at me.

"You already fallen for me, sweetheart?" I grimaced at Changbin's words

"You wish." I turned around, spotting Felix a couple tables down.

"Felix." I waved my hand and he walked towards me.

"Yes, miss?"

"Can you bring the check, please? Oh, and two more slices of chocolate cake in seperate to go boxes?"

"Of course."

"Thanks." I smiled brightly at Felix and he walked off.

"Not your type, huh?" Changbin grimaced in front of me. I sighed through my nose and set money on the table.

"No. I'll pay. Chan should know better." Changbin said. I stood up and walked out of the shop.

For the five hundreth time today, screw me and my feeling. I covered my ears with my beanie and began walking.

"Wait." I groaned and hung my head.

"Will you leave me alone?"

"No."

"I've had a very off day. I was looking forward to my date with Chan, until you ruined it. Thank you for that by the way."

"What?" I sighed.

"What is your problem with me? Chan is a fucking idiot and I am one too for thinking an asshole likes me. All I am is a fucking joke for him and I am sick of it. So, if you don't mind. All I want to do is go to my common room and die." I huffed out and walked away from him.

Over the next few days, I've noticed small things about him. Like the way he scratches his neck when he's nervous or bites his lip when something bothers him. That's why I begun to avoid him.

Whenever I saw him with Chan, I walked the other way. And when I was stuck next to him in DADA, I stayed silent.

"You okay?" I looked up to see Chan staring at me. I ran a hand through my hair.

"Why did you think I like him again?"

"Bin? Because you have a look. Like heart eyes whenever you see him even though you try to mask it as dislike. There's a fine line between love and hate, you know?"

"Heart eyes?" I asked and he nodded. I began walking to my Common room, and he followed.

"Yeah. And when he came back to the dorms, he was grumpier that usual. He yelled at me for an hour. 'Why did you leave her alone.' 'She rejected me a hundred times for you and that's how you pay her?' The usual."

"Wait, wait. When did I reject him?" I asked. He laughed.

"Basically every time you make 'goo goo eyes' at me, his words not mine." He pauses.

"He was really jealous when you gushed over me at practice. He gave you a rose at Madam Paddifoot's. He was super jealous of the freckled waiter too. He even paid for the meal. He likes you."

"No fucking way Chan. Him and I are like water and oil." He frowned.

"Why can't you just admit it?" He asked

"Because we're just too different, Chan." I rounded the corner and he followed. Apparently, he was mad.

'And this conversation is over." I said, turning around and stormed away.

I got all the way to my Common room before sitting down on a table. Seungmin and Minho immediately sat down with me.

"What happened?" Minhi asked and I laughed.

"Why do you two always assume something happened?"

"Because it normally does." Seungmin continued.

"You guys were right. I like Changbin. Now, help me with my Divination homework, please."

I hugged my knees and sniffled. The Quidditch pitch looked small from the Astronomy tower.

"Making goo goo eyes at Chan again?" I heard a voice said and I buried my head on my hands.

"Do you fucking care?"

"No."

"Cut the crap, and tell me what you're doing here."

"Chan send me to apologize for him. He didn't mean to make you mad. He shouldn't have yelled at you." I shrugged.

"Tell him I forgive him." Tears pricked my eyes.

"Eww, don't do that. You look ugly." I let out a laugh. Chan's words suddenly made snese. He doesn't want to see me cry.

"I know. Shut up." I sniffled and hid my head in my hands.

He did give me little bits of affection. He suspended Minha, his own housemate for me. He pretended not to care for me when I got injured. He took the punch meant for Minha.

He dragged me away from the fight and tried convincing me not to go out with Chan. But my dumb ass thought he was mocking me. He gave me a rose, didn't let me leave the table, and paid for the food.

I was pretty sure my dream about Changbin was real. He really did visit me in the infarmary. Screw me and my feelings.

"Quit crying. At least make goo goo eyes at Chan." He pointed to the Quidditch pitch.

He's trying to avoid his feelings. I felt something in the pit of my stomach.

"Are you making goo goo eyes at him now?" I nodded and he turned to me.

"Yeah. But, not at Chan." He smirked and I closed the gap between us.

He hugged my waist and kissed me back. I pulled away and he smiled. I finally wiped that stupid smirk off of him.

"You're very clueless, you know?" He said softly.

"I'm sorry about what happened at Madam's, and for everything else too. I've been trying to ignore my feelings for you, but it doesn't work."

"I forgive you." I smiled brightly and kissed him again.

#stray kids #changbin oneshots #stray kids one shot

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