#am I spider georg?

[jugayism]

It is finals week and this is the second night that a spider has run across my legs while I am trying to fall asleep. The arachnids are trying to sabotage me.

[user-without-a-cool-acronym]

“average greek soldier gets one strike at Poseidon“ factoid actually just statistical error. average greek soldier gets 0 strikes at Poseidon. 600 Strike Georg-

[mell0bee]

“average spirit medium gets accused of murder 3 times a year” factoid actually just statistical error. maya fey, who lives in capcom’s stock plot contrivance box & is accused 10,000 times a day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted.

[gunpowderdtim]

man. i did it again. someone asks a perfectly reasonable question about mechslore and i think "wow how can someone not know this!" and then the awnser is that it was removed from the website in 2015 and not everyone has gone through everything on the wayback machine a stupid number of times

[ferroussulfayt]

“average person tells 4 lies a day" factoid actually just a statistical error. average person tells 4 lies a day. Donald Trump, who lives in hell & tells over 10,000 each day, is an outlier and should not have been counted

[thenightsystem]

The “average male alter in an AFAB body experiences 30 gender dysphorias a day” factoid is actually just a statistical error. The average male alter experiences 0 gender dysphorias a day. Gender Dysphoria Georg who lives in a cave, and eats 1,000,000 gender dysphorias a day, is an outlier and shouldn’t be counted.

-host

[homoqueerjewhobbit]

A fun (/s) game is to scroll through @netflix and see how they did or didn't promote your favorite canceled shows on tumblr.

(tumblr's rudimentary search makes this hard but they so criminally underuse their Tumblr and undermarket their shows it's easy to just scroll through the archives

[fade-steppin]

"average girl likes assholes" factoid actualy just statistical error. average girl likes 0 assholes per year. i however, who lives in cave & likes over 10,000 problematic men each day, am an outlier adn should not have been counted

[catdemonkaid]

"Any 1 stone can kill 2 birds" actually just statistical error. Chicxulub Georg, who impacted the Earth and caused a mass extinction of many bird and bird ancestor species, was an outlier and should not have been counted.

[duchess-of-new-shire]

"average person thinks about ewen montagu once a day" factoid actually just statistical error.

[a-flaming-idiot]

“Average person talks about BNA 3 times a day” factoid actually just statistical error. Average person talks about BNA 0 times a day. BNA Flam, who lives in a blanket fort and is obsessed with BNA, is an outlier and should not have been counted.

[starlitskvader]

okay I know this is a petty thing to get annoyed about but I see it all the time and it drives me crazy

it's brakes

you 'pump the brakes' to slow down

it's a driving metaphor. like the brakes in your car.

I cannot figure out what 'pump the breaks' would even mean

brakes.

[waytooobsessedwithmcyt]

Decided to do the math on the Spiders Georg post, in order to get the average amount of spiders eaten per year of the world up to three, Spiders Georg would have to eat not 10,000, but 100,000,000 spiders a day

Assuming the average spider weighs 0.01 grams, he eats 1,000,000 grams of food a day, converted to kilograms, he is eating 1000kg a day. There are 2267961850 kilograms of spiders. It will take 2267961.85 days for spiders Georg to consume the entire population of spiders. That is about 6213.59 years. We are safe.

Spider's Georg is eating .694 kilograms per minute. The fastest eater in the world eats 7.6 hotdogs a minute. Each hotdog he eats weighs .0056 kg. That is .042 kilograms a minute. Spiders Georg is not human.

Star nosed moles are the fastest eaters, being able to eat ten mouthfuls of earthworms in 1.3 seconds, I was unfortunately incapable to find anything about how many earthworms a mouthful was, so for the sake of this post, I shall assume it is around 10. I have been getting so many mixed messages on how much worms weigh, anywhere from .25g to .45g but the one I saw the most was .39oz or 11 grams. (Do y'all see how un-fucking-helpful these were?) But I guess we'll go with 11 grams (I do not trust that number) so 1100 grams a second, or 1.1 kg a second. That seems way too fucking high, so I'll be trying the lowest number I saw to prove my point. .25 grams comes out to .011 kg a second, or, .65kg a minute.

Spiders Georg is just a very slow eating star nosed mole. However, this is assuming he eats 24/7, giving him the speed of a star nosed mole, it would take him only 15 minutes a day to consume his quota of making the average amount of spiders eaten by humans 3 per year. HOWEVER! Since Georg, a star nosed mole, is affecting the human population spiders eaten average, we must add all star nosed moles to the human population.

But because fuck me THERE ARE NO ESTIMATES OF STAR NOSED MOLE POPULATIONS. There are roughly 25 per hectare. Calculating its entire area (roughly because nobody gives me a straight answer on this shit), 554, 363. Around 2.5 percent of land is taken up by cities, so about 13,859 miles are unusable. So 540,504 square miles are inhabited. 139989893.4 hectares. 3,499,747,335 star nosed moles.

Total population of humans and star nosed moles: 11,499,747,335

Spiders Georg has to eat 40,000,000,000 spiders a year to keep the population eating 3 spiders on average. 109,589,041 a day. 4566210 an hour. 76104 a minute. 1268 a second. 13 grams a second. .013kg per second. Easily accomplishable by Spiders Georg.

It would take a mere 16 minutes of his day to eat enough to make the entire human population have an average of 3 spiders swallowed.

Sites I used and my math so people may fact check me (I feel like I did something incredibly wrong and the star nosed mole numbers should not be coming out like that)

https://www.nytimes.com/2005/02/08/science/underground-gourmet-mole-sets-a-speed-record.html

https://majorleagueeating.com/eaters/106

https://www.scientificamerican.com/podcast/episode/spiders-gobble-gargantuan-numbers-of-tiny-prey/

https://www.nationalgeographic.com/animals/invertebrates/facts/common-earthworm

https://www.newgeography.com/content/001689-how-much-world-covered-cities#:~:text=My%20attention%20was%20recently%20drawn,is%20occupied%20by%20urban%20development.

https://www.esf.edu/aec/adks/mammals/starnosed_mole.php#:~:text=The%20range%20is%20from%20southeastern,organic%20muck%20adjacent%20to%20water.

[greenerteacups]

🥐 or just anything that makes you laugh in general

🥐 ⇢ name one internet reference that will always make you laugh 

"'average person eats 3 spiders a year' factoid actualy (sic) just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted"

I am not kidding when I tell you I cannot read those words without losing my shit. The misspellings add to it, somehow. I've used "factoid actualy just statistical error" not infrequently in my real life, usually to the confusion of people who don't know the context and hence find it 0% funny, whereas i find it 100% funny every time. I've tried to work a Spiders Georg reference into my fic so many times it's actually stupid, but it's always too convoluted, it doesn't work. It's my white whale.

[oneminutefiftysixseconds]

"average young german rider performs pretty well at the 2024 giro d'italia a year" factoid actualy just statistical error. average young german rider has a mediocre performance at the 2024 giro d'italia. Steinhauser Georg, who was in a strong breakaway for 176km and came 3rd on the 222km 6hr+ queen stage, is an outlier adn should STILL be counted because it was an amazing effort

[safirefire]

Ah, but that is later. Now, it is dark. It is quiet. Just you and me, dear listener. Just my voice, traveling from this microphone, traveling silent and immediate across sleepy homes and lost souls to your ears.

You curl under a blanket, protecting your body from the world – excepting a few clever spiders – and you are listening, hearing me.

Sleep heavily and know that I am here with you now. The past is gone, and cannot harm you anymore. And while the future is fast coming for you, it always flinches first, and settles in as the gentle present. This now, this us, we can cope with that. We can do this together, you and I. Drowsily, but comfortably.

Welcome to Night Vale Ep 12