#am I scared to go alone
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Christmas presents all wrapped.
I survived.
#I’ve been crying a lot#I wish my mom was here and my husband wasn’t#I worked so hard to make this a good Xmas#and we’re all sick and he won’t…participate in anything#I asked him to do one thing - should have taken 30-60min and it took him 9 hours#he doesn’t even know what’s in most of the packages#do I lie and put his name on#tonight my oldest cleared the table and wiped it down#and ‘swept’ the kitchen and bathroom because I’m sick and ‘dad isn’t helping’#breaks my damn heart#is this the sort of Xmas I want them growing up remembering#how long do I do this#why do I do this#am I scared to go alone#either way I hate myself#shut up dragoon811
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Not really a question but I wanted to say I appreciate the soft and tender intimacy you show in your work sometimes. Sex is weird and really scary to me personally because of past shit, so when I can just see something be done lovingly… it’s nice.. it makes me remember that’s it’s not so scary. Sorry if that’s sharing too much, I just like your art 
ok so this ask inspired me to go on a bit of a rant, NOT DIRECTED AT YOU, im really genuinely glad that my work helps to make sex seem more fun and less scary. that means a lot to me.
so much of the time sex is shown to be like. this serious, meaningful thing, when really sex is just. normal! just as normal as not having sex. it's as regular as feeding yourself, or pissin or scratchin an itch. And like the whole world(catholicism) has just made it out to be this TERRIFYING AND SINFUL ACT. This SCANDALIZING AND POLARIZING THING!! but really like. its a completely neutral action, the same as washing your hands or blowing your nose!!! its just our bodies doing something that they (for the most part and up to personal preference) were made to do!!
like idk, i might be a hedonist but i feel like people were more likely made to walk the earth fuckin nasty smoking pot and cooking animals over a big fire than they were to like. feel bad about themselves for their appearances. or work at starbucks.
but i digress!!! GENTLE AND CARING SEX IS COOL MORE THAT!
#archie answers#suggestive#ig#im quite high#SORRY this ask was very sweet and vulnerable and i had to yell my personal gay sex manifesto at you#you are not alone in fearing sex and feeling alienated by portrayals of it and i am so sorry that happened to you#but sex can be kind and meaningful and intimate#never forget that sex is nothing to be scared of when you're with people who care about you and have your best interest at heart#go forth in this world and be happy also#i hope youre doing ok
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I love these lines so much I can not even express it
#something about i sleep through the night and i go where im wanted#like aah🥹#not staying up being sad and chasing people who clearly don't want to talk to me#and just being with people who genuinely and openly like me#it feels like a bigger achievement than it is maybe cause it was so fucking hard but i think im there now#and i love the way she's like yeah ok maybe i am too much maybe i was obsessed and clingy or whatever but so what#having the ability to love someone deeply is a gift it's a superpower not everyone can do it so fuck everyone#who makes us sensitive people bad about it#also like yeahhh it only gets bad when we stop putting ourself first and let someone walk all over us#because we're too scared to be alone and lose them so we keep dragging it#AAAAH i know im like a year late but i love maisie sooo much#by we i mean maisie and me and all sensitive people out there who don't know how to be chill and casual btw i love u all🥹#maisie peters
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who asked for this. nobody. but unfortunately as a creator i actually have to CREATE for my au 😞😞😞😒😒😒 jk fashion au ink and swap designs ig,,,,,,
ink. ink. ink. she's totally not holding a gun to my head as i type this,,,,, because she CANT break the fourth wall ok she totally doesnt realize that she's forever gonna be stuck living life as a high schooler with no chance of ever graduating or progressing in life,,,,, BECAUSE THERE'S NO ANGST IN JK FASHION AU HAAHAHAH 😁😁😁😁 anyways she's soooo silly :3333 i'm not a connoisseur of anyone that's not the mtt (biased 🙂🙂🙂) but i wanted her to be silly but also a bit freakish,,,, ya!
what do the people think about INK???? featuring everyone in jk fashion au so far 😇😇
dream: "ink is another one of my close friends. she's been there for me when even nightmare couldn't, and i've supported her likewise. sometimes her head is in the clouds, so i send her texts to remind her of things like homework and such. maybe she forgets lunch sometimes, so swap and i give her a share of ours. and when ink wants to talk about anything she's thinking of, whether it's a painter's use of color or the reason we exist, i'm always open to listening. she's an amazing person, really."
nightmare: "ink. ah, that girl is an enigma, truly. somedays she supports me on my path to world domination, and other days she just laughs at me and says as if it were a fact that i would never achieve it! ugh... but despite my slight grievances, she's dream's friend, and i've grown fond of her. quite often, without me even requesting, she gifts me paintings. now, they may seem normal at first, but recently i've discovered a pattern with them. as if ink had peered into the mind of god and depicted it visually, the paintings assist me in handling dream appropriately. i must say, she's skilled as well..."
killer: "see now ink? she's my type of gal. we get along pretty well, hehe! we're on the same wavelength or something, i dunno. not like she can predict what i do, but i wouldn't be surprised if she could, but ink and i just click. we talk about all sorts of silly stuff; similar sense of humor, after all. ink and i can yap about different shows and movies we've watched and stuff, she gives really good insight on the more technical stuff like color psychology and framing, and she once drew me art for one of my big follower milestones on twitter! she's suuuuper cool, haha!"
dust: "okay, just... keep this between me and you, but i think ink has some sort of secret sixth sense? i dunno. nothing against her, she's a fun person. just that, uh... sometimes she just comes up to me when i least expect it and starts asking me about my progress on my writing. which is... confusing. i've only ever told killer and horror about my writing, so i don't know how she knows...?"
horror: "y'know, dust and i have a bit of a bet going on. all jokes and all, but i've got a feeling ink's pulling some sort of elaborate spying prank with how much she knows about us... dust doesn't think so. but i'm betting 20 bucks she does. like, once i was at a vending machine and the stupid thing didn't give me my goddamn candy bar, ugh. i had to stay cool. but then ink just pops out of nowhere, says its okay for me to drop the act and get mad around her, and then does some sort of vending machine trick to get the candy?? yeah, she's definitely a wizard or something. in a nice way, i guess."
NOW SWWAAAAAAPPP she's silly. i included the bit of her getting into trouble because of her good will SOLELY because swap gets bullied a lot in other aus 💀 (askerror, something new, etc,,,,,,) i also read a canon underswap doc??? SWAP IS SO SILLY!!!!! i cant really explain her personality through text i'd need to draw comics for her which uhhhh,,,,, (looks away)
THOUGHTS ON SWAP????
dream: "ah, swap! she's one of my dearest friends, i truly care for her deeply. out of sheer coincidence it seems, that she, ink, and i were chosen to be the star students of the school, but surprisingly it works out well... swap's truly a delight. she's a great motivator, and she's saved me from a few situations that would've ended up terribly had she not been there, hehe."
nightmare: "sometimes the world hates me. ah- well, what i meant was, the path of fate has me set on a predetermined path of struggle! and yet, when even i, the queen of negativity, could not stop my kin from slipping on a ridiculously placed banana peel and almost breaking her neck, swap was her knight in shining armor and caught her. needless to say, just as fate despises my bloodline, fate also has angels sent down from heaven. i do suppose swap is one of those, bless her soul."
killer: "heh, swap?? that girl's a riot! couple years ago i tried convincing her to show me some of those sick moves she learned at kickboxing, or karate, taekwondo, whatever... she broke my wrist, haha! but then i pulled a knife on her and then we both got in trouble. hah, good times, good times. no, i didn't stab her?! in fact, she's very good friends with mr. mew and the grumpen, thank you very much! a friend of my kitties is a friend of mine!"
dust: "she's nice. her type of energy is something you only see is like... a sugar-rushed ink, and killer normally. but anyways, swap's a good help around the school. she's a bit ridiculous every now and then with all her "the magnificent swap" and how she's a bit of a showoff, but whatever. aren't we all? anyways, at least the scavenger hunts she makes during school dances are fun."
horror: "swap is uh... she's something. gotta admit, she's pretty normal compared to some of the people at this school. but man... enthusiasm, much? eh, whatever. i'm not the type to complain when her burritos are to die for. we're partners in cooking class... let's just say, she carries us hard."
anyways jk cross and epic soon. sooner than you think heheheh
#jk fashion au#banana peels and dream are a reoccurring theme btw#nightmare has NIGHTMARES of banana peels. they are her biggest opp. DREAM KEEPS ON FUCKING SLIPPING ON THEM HELP#FOR CONTEXT THE STORY KILLER WAS TALKING ABOUT HAPPENED IN 2020#so killer was a bit deranged back then! haha! good times indeed#so ink MIGHT be self aware she might not. i've just decided now that she wont be alone in the self aware club (error......pspspspspsp)#star students are best buddies!!!! theyre best buddies!!!!!!!! i love friendship and kindness!!!!!!!!!#also technically ink could go by she/they in jk fashion au (i MIGHT forget this detail later on sorry!!!!!)#cant wait to make classic and fell so swap can also have an alternate group of buddies#it might seem like jk mtt think well of swap individually but dont be fooled#they bully her (/pos) when theyre all together 😭😭😭 its all in good fun tho :333#ink doesn't have the tattoos og ink does because no multiverse shenanigans#so in replacement!!!!! the doodles on the legs :3333#this was so fun but also difficult figuring out dynamics between characters i wouldnt normally think about#like fucking horror and ink???? craaaazyyyyy. killer and swap was all on purpose tho#for context on killer's story about swap and her kitties read the next upcoming jk fashion au hcs (hopefully i will post soon :3)#ANYWAYS im a bit scared to go outside of my usual mtt corner of the internet...... but whatever!#whyyyy am i even tagging this LMAO i just need the references and the character interactions#if this flops that will be ok with me i only use these posts to stay in character if i ever make a 4koma or whatever :p#ink sans#swap sans#star sanses#utmv#sans au#dream mentioned in this..... idk about the others but MAYBE ill tag that too just out of association#dream sans#thank you to the Two JK Fashion AU fans you guys keep me going ‼️‼️‼️
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I'm going to have to break up with my tax lady, aren't I? :(
#i like shirly though shes so nice to me#but she has never had to file someone who does 'content creation' or online artist stuff#she ONLY does other folk's W-2s from other employment jobs#and im going to have to file by myself all alone because I deadass can't afford the 250-300 minimum price it takes to get a tax helper#for self employment#and i scared my tax lady is gonna input something wrong and make me owe thousands that i never even got#shirly i am so sorry i love you ill send you flowers#sara shush
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tell me I'm wrong
#look me in the eyes. look at me in the marrow of my bones and in the depths of my cobwebs and ashen soul. tell me i'm wrong#I'M NOT#“motherfucker i wish i could say you'd die alone” I WAS ALREADY HEARING ROWAN IN THAT MOMENT#and if ryan or another writer/producer in the film considered heir of fire? READ heir of fire?#what's going to happen to me? i'll be inconsolable.#none of you will be able to talk to me for months#i'll talk to myself. i'm a yapper. we know this#deadpool and wolverine#deadpool 3#deadpool 2024#deadpool#wolverine#logan howlett#wade wilson#rowan and aelin#prince rowan whitethorn#princess aelin galathynius#celaena sardothien#throne of glass series#heir of fire#queen of shadows#books by sarah j maas#never you mind that i had to reach up to my shelf to open this book#mind you this is only in heir of fire. i'm lowkey scared of qos or eos rowaelin#how much more poolverine am i gonna find there#even though Cavill made a cameo and he was our go to fancast for Rowan#I HATE THAT WADE FLINCHES 😭❤️#JAIL FOR YOU FOR THAT LOGAN
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Yin and War will do anything for their fans but can they break with BL traditions and give me Jack genuinely having to go after Joke because both of their traumas matter and they both need to put work into this relationship to make it work and to put them on equal footing in this love story rather than it being about Joke always having to apologize for his choices?
#no tags here#negative#deep fear for me y'all#i am so scared that Joke is going to have to keep chasing Jack forever#and that we will never see Jack have to put in emotional labor for the relationship#because the show's focus on class commentary means that Joke's trauma gets constantly downplayed instead of respected#and i fully expect it will happen again#that jack will be hurt and it will all be joke's fault and joke will get no care from him#maybe care from the other friends#but nothing from jack#and jack will go cry alone and then joke will have to get back to him#instead of jack having to make sure joke came back#and i just....#i am so scared#especially after the school scene#where it was so funny that joke couldn't do math and froze and tried to play it lightly but he was SO scared#but the show didn't give his pain any weight
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chat wait i fucking won they DID GIVE HIM A BROWN PALETTE
#snap chats#@ that anon asking how i felt bout rivals wolvie. also ive decided he's the right amount of wide......#YEEHAWS LOUDLY#i woudlve preferred a black top tbh BUT THIS'LL DO THIS IS NIIICE#finally finished my assignment so ive been dicking around#i actually am not suuuper big on wolvies playstyle ..... i love the guy but... just not playing him...#im just not up close and personal like that i like my projectiles </3 WANDA'S SUPER FUN THO#im too shy to try erik yet .... 'snap what the fuck does thatt mean' IT MEANS IM TOO SHY TO TRY ERIK YET LEAVE ME ALONE#squirrelgirl's also super fun 🥺 im so happy she's in the game...#i am only familiar with her cause of the podcast and the occasional cameo she's made in some comics ive read but she's darling...#jeff's cute ....... i like jeff... his healing's so fast holy CHRIST#ok im gonna go dick around more <3 i have not played an actual match yet im SCARED#what if im bad and everyone hates me ....#maybe ill force someone to play this with me idk <- does not have friends who are willing to play marvel rivals
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"ultrus is right, i am weak and pathetic" / "callie believes the way she loves is fundamentally repulsive" / "all i ever cared about was being useful someday" . things i think about a normal amount
#these arent the exact quotes ... sols is a lil longer and i dont remember the Exact SR callies is from#also guess who wrote a mini essay in the tags AND THEN TUMBLR DELETED IT#anyway. ultimately . . tldr#sol is scared of being alone and believes that hes weak but also that if he Just works Hard enough he can be good and helpful and belong#and so is the inverse true. when people leave you its because you didnt work hard enough and its your fault#and callie whos been up against rejection her whole life and cldnt understand why except that she loved too hard and it drove people away#and in her moments of most intense loss going cold. overwhelmed by shame. why wld she think it wld go right this time. shldve known better#and maybe somethin abt callie being a poet. who always thought about what the world Could be. not what it is (cyra) or what it will (oliana#but ultimately with this overwhelming feeling that shes fundamentally unloveable and has to stop herself from daydreaming#then calder who. brothers ranger and mother ranger general. a family who is known aroind the ice knife as their protectors.#and the runt of the pack calder kilde. who was small and looked down on and overprotected and didnt dream of being a leader but a soldier.#dreamt of being a shield not a sword. use; and usefulness; in the sense of belonging. i am used because i am so valued and loved#anyway..... i just think duck team all have their . harrowing and peculiar relationship to like. self worth and loneliness#how the way they see themselves (weak/unloveable/small) intersect with how they feel isolated and abandoned and excluded#and how they react to that feeling in their own unique way....#these r just my silly little thoughts :3#noodles in my brain. ehehehe. im . i think abt it a normal amount#ramble tag#(and hey since were here hardwon who thinks he hurts the people he loves and isolates himself from his loved one because of tha-)#*i am escorted off the tags*#naddpod
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It's hard to know how serious an event is and will turn out to be in the grand scheme of things while you're living it, but the president of France just officially refused to acknowledge the latest elections. And I don't want to call it a dictatorship because I'm aware it can be much worse, but it's also... not not a dictatorship.
It's very much one man (and his cronies) disregarding everything and everyone in order to maintain complete power over every single sphere of the government. And if it's not effectively a dictatorship, I do think it has all of the makings of one, and this might be one of the last tests before someone decides France is ripe for it.
#I do tend to take things too seriously and his (official!) plans would very much make my life a thousand times worse#but I'm not alone in thinking we've been getting closer to something resembling a dictatorship for years and yet it was never this bad#I hope when I go through my posts a few years from now I scoff at this but rn I am scared yes#upthebaguette#french side of tumblr#politics#oops this was supposed to be a fandom blog#mine
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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13 is an utter awful rat to Graham in It Takes You Away, she treats him horrifically as she loses her patience and therefore temper with him and never bothers to apologise for it, but nobody notices because she didn't raise her voice and it wasn't in a situation where she'd be expected to mother him, so it sailed over peoples heads. She lost her temper and she got Mean. She didn't get shouty, she got mean. She's not a yeller when she lets her anger loose, she's sharp and cruel and so very deliberate. And that doesn't track with peoples stereotypes of women, does it? Women are shouty and Shrill when they're angry, apparently.
She does it to the master in the timeless children, she's sharp and mean and cruel and never once raises her voice when she does it (she actually lowers her voice when she's being really mean btw). This did Not happen when you're thinking it did. Not in the matrix room. She had no idea she was scoring a hit against him there because she didn't understand what he was thinking (because he'd deliberately mislead her). It was in another part of the episode. She scores a hit and almost makes him cry and nobody cares or notices because it's not in a situation where she's supposed to be mothering him while he's all sad. He was being a jerk, she hit out deliberately below the belt and won that round, the end.
It's no that I think 13 isn't at times objectively shitty as a person, because she IS, she certainly was to Graham in the moment above. It's just that instead of looking at the Actual moments on screen when she sucks and dragging her for being shitty person, people have to resort to making up things to accuse her of that are Very gendered (as in, things women are going to get slammed for in society based upon sexist ideology) that never even happen, simply because they didn't pay enough attention to notice her being a crappy Person to drag her for that/they don't actually care if she's in general a lousy person at all.
Because they don't Want her to be a crappy person, that doesn't achieve anything.
They want her to be a crappy Woman.
#dw shit#i am not going to say when in itya it is. To make a point.#or point out Exactly when it was in ttc either#she also treats Hanne badly in itya by using her as an opportunity to teach ryan things imo!!#you don't leave a scared kid alone with somebody they don't like just to teach that person to play better with others doctor#doing so almost got hanne killed and honestly she could have hurt ryan running away as well#13 is exceptionally callous but despite people slamming her All the time i next to never see it mentioned#there is So much shittiness to 13 but people don't notice bc she's a crap Person not a crap ~Woman~ by values of a sexist society's#version of a crap woman (of which i do not endorse)#so we... make up gendered things to slam her for???#so bonkers#once again if i'm not talking about you i am not talking about you
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the bad: i have been raised without much warmth from my parents in childhood, but also pressured to conform to familial authority, doubt myself always, and value familial connections above all else (<- failed at this, and feel guilt about it.)
but also in experiencing this i have been so isolated from the entire rest of the world and others, that it will be nearly impossible to create my own "family" -> find safety and comfort in anybody else once my family is Gone. despite dis i find it really difficult to break away from the familiar, disobey and disappoint, because, well, why are my wishes more important than anybody else's. why would I cause upset and distress in anybody, and exert so much effort into my doubt filled half decisions, for my meaningless little Wishes. being away would also mean less time with these people who I'll never see again once they're gone. being raised this way is definitely paying off for those who did so.
the good: yaaaay adjacent inspiration for writing talon lore
#talkys#my dad scaring me but also giving me no advice on what to do instead only saying if i do this it will be the wrong choice leading#to more wrong choices well yep you got me i am scared. i am inept. i fear regret and punishment for wrong decisions.#i struggle to make decisions because i cant go back on them.#''ill never have savings again'' and ''you cant value friends over family they'll abandon you''#and ''living here is only a problem for you because you dont communicate. there is a way to work things out''#i wish i could work it out and stay i dont know why i cant work it out ! and what do i want#to leave so badly for... to continue to never have stable housing#never have savings again? be alone and in danger?#to be able to wear whatever i want and...buy things? really? that doesnt seem very worth it#nothing seems very worth it#im miserable here but maybe i'd be more miserable away...it is true#well at least the chances to leave are very slim. and will continue to get slimmer the more time passes.#but maybe its fine i dont want to ruin my life or be even more of a burden or reason for distress in someone else's#moving out wouldnt fix anything. wherever you go there you are.#my friend said i have to be a little selfish (positive) to push myself to leave. bt i dont want to be selfish. im ashamed of that as a trai#delete later#even now i feel immense guilt and stress when my dad does things that hurt or bother me bc i know ill miss him when he's gone.#(and ill have nobody after all of that. due to the being kept in a cage)#that sucks. why does everyone else always win. why am i always the weakest pliable one. i wish i had no emotions#my surgery is the only decision in my life ive been 100% sure on for years#and even then my parent's words had me crying and rapidly changing emotions daily until the day came#im not strong enough or sure enough about anything else to withstand More of that#<- and i know that tomorrow im gonna be like actually you know what who cares lets try to leave#and the next day ill be resigned to staying here forever#and the next day ill be like actually you know what who cares l
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Kicked out of goth nite for looking like if one of the cats from cats was Halloween themed
#REAL ALIEN CAUGHT ON FILM#don’t worry abt how messy my room is okayyyy#it is WARM as hell out & I am all alone but I persist. trying this whole ‘doing it scared’ thing you guys keep hyping up#I think a bay flew over my head as I was walking out of the house so it should go well for me#*bat
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#some thoughts incoming idk if i should share but i need to put them somewhere#it's hard being in the yr fandom since the finale when you don't share the same vision and opinion as the rest#and people make future wilmon posts or write post s3 fics (which many exist now) they just don't align with your idea at all#and they're not exciting to me at all and the whole concept just makes me upset#i don't wanna imagine Wille as a 'normal' person (not that that's ever possible anyway which the show loves to ignore)#like I'm sorry but i didn't come to the show to watch an ordinary love story and have them lead an ordinary life#the idea of Wille being a future king and them navigating that royal life together is so much more interesting#i hate that that isn't canon anymore and when ppl make posts about them it's not about that or that would only be seen as a negative thing#i don't wanna imagine a life where they are 'normal' that isn't appealing to me at all and it sucks seeing everyone embrace it#and it's like you're not allowed to want something else or think differently bc that makes you the bad person and you're just wrong#i can't be excited about their future (also bc i don't really see them going strong in the future with how they messed them up in s3)#(i also didn't want to know what could possibly happen in the future i wanted that to stay open and just be in the present)#and seeing everyone else excited and happy about it makes you feel horrible and very alone and disconnected in the fandom#i don't wanna take it away from them but i also would love to see other takes but that's basically impossible now#am i the only person who feels this way or are there any other who can relate? pls let me know#i already feel like ppl are gonna attack me for this but it's been hard especially now with Simon's month and seeing so many interpretation#navigating ao3 has also become difficult now#it's hard finding fics to read where wille stays crown prince and you don't have to be scared for that to change#i just can't read any canon compliant fics anymore and i hate it bc i hate to disagree with canon#i normally don't do that bc canon is important to me and i don't want to reject it and create my own fantasy#and that's what's upsetting#anyway sorry i had to write this#personal
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i keep thinking about a phandom book club, but i have no idea how to go about organizing it or if anyone would be interested or even where to host it
alternatively is there already a phandom book club i could join? because i would love that
#tbh my first thought is TheStoryGraph bc they have group/buddy reads but idk if anyone else uses that much#there's discord (which im not super familiar with even though i have used it)#or making a separate community here#or i guess fable but i truly dont know how anything works over there#plus like... yes there's a few names i can think of who might be in but overall idk!#and i dont want to put pressure on anybody either#i am terrible at reaching out and staying in contact and all that. always have been. even though i think about people all the time#im just not very good socially and im so worried about coming across a certain way or saying the wrong thing#so more often i keep to myself and i think sometimes i come across like i dont care or standoffish or something#but that's not it. i care so much i just get scared that it's too much or in the wrong ways.#im better at hiding but i know i need to get over it. its just hard.#(and i tell myself you know..#'not feeling lonely i just like being alone' but it's less true than i like to think it is#ANYWAY feelings dump aside i think a book club would be fun. i just dont know how to go about it.#ks talks
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