#although the last time i talked about this on my blog someone got really mad at me for calling the irish in america colonisers

[tiarnanabhfainni]

It’s incredible how everything I learn about Irish, Welsh and Manx history makes me wish the entirety of the parliament would collapse into a sinkhole and flood from the Thames with all those cunts in it and that Buckingham would collapse with that entire lineage of shit inside

yeah basically 👍

[kpop---scenarios]

Words Unspoken (1)

Pairing: Lee Know x Reader

Warning: A little angst, some hurt, more in other chapters

Summary: You and Lee Know used to be best friends, but after an issue, you weren't. 6 years later, he's back in your life and you hate it.

Word Count: 2.7k

A/N: big thank you to @pali-writes-atiny-bit for all your help with this one!!

Everything Taglist: @wife2straykidss @piscesrising01 @baby-stay92 @kisses-too-the-moon

@dwaekkiiracha @silly250 @rylea08 @imperfectlyperfectprincess1

@satosugu4l @gabriellamarie @tsunderelino @iovecb97

@1810cl @lordmaahes-nsc @sailorkoss @minh0scat @pixie0627

@50-husbands @jinnies-muse @yaorzu-blog @anskiiz @joyofbebbanburg

@number1jeonginstan @skzooluvr @jisunglyricist @ambersnowxxx

@ayyonoona @31maze13 @stay-tiny-things @thegingerthatwaited @hoesheez

“Abso-fucking-lutely not.” You deadpan, your eyes twitch, as you glare at your editor. She sighs as she adjusts her stance, poking her hip out a little, crossing her arms. 

“Are you really going to argue with me over what you're assigned too?” She asks. “You write about celebrities, he's a celebrity. What's the issue?” 

“Yes, I do write about celebrities, but this particular one I will not write about. I just can't. I guarantee he will even talk to me. He hates me!” You explain. She looks at you with that unimpressed look.  “And I'm also just not a fan of his music.” You yell, throwing your hands up in the air. You can't even find the right words to express to her how much you didn't want to see him and have to write this article. Although you shouldn't be panicking, he would never talk to you. Hell, it had been 6 years since you'd last seen or talked to him.

“Well, I'm sorry Y/N but you not being a fan isn't a good enough reason for you to not do this interview. He's the hottest artist right now and I want that exclusive.” She says, glancing at her watch. “You better hurry. You've only got an hour to make it to the Cafe.” She grins, walking back into her office, sliding the door closed. 

You fake cry and whimper as you throw your head back, stomping your foot like a child. God dammit. 

“Y/N.. this might be a good thing. You can maybe clear the air?” Han asks, popping his head out from behind his cubicle. 

“There's nothing to clear, Han. He did what he did and I did what I did and that's that.” You sigh, gathering your belongings. 

“YN. It's been 6 years. Don't you think it's time?” He asks. 

“Do you still talk to him?” You ask. 

Han’s eyes darted around the room, avoiding your question. 

You roll your eyes. The betrayal you felt. “Ouch.” You whimper, placing your hand over your heart. “That stings, Jisung. I thought I got custody of you in the end.” You say, walking to the front door. you can hear him behind you scrambling to stand up. 

“Jisung!?” He yells. “You only call me Jisung when you're mad at me! Are you? Are you mad at me? Y/N!” He yells even louder as you walk out the door. 

45 minutes later you're sitting at a table, your legs crossed, your foot shaking as you wait for Lee Know. Your fingers tap the cup of coffee that you hadn’t even taken a sip of. 

“Oh fuck no.” You hear. You look up and see a very unimpressed Lee Know. 

“I feel the same.” You say, crinkling your nose and rolling your eyes at him. “Believe me, I tried to get out of this.” 

“Clearly you didn't try hard enough. You know what? I'll make this easier on both of us, I'm not doing this interview unless it's with someone else.” He deadpans. 

“I'll call my editor.” 

You pull out your phone dialing her number before putting the phone on speaker, placing it on the table in front of you. 

“I swear to god Y/N..if this is you complaining about him..” she starts. 

“Mrs. Shin, you're on speaker phone and he can hear you.” You start. She stops talking. “He's refusing to do the interview with me.” 

“I don't believe that. You're wonderful and a great journalist. Stop making things up.” She scoffs. 

“She's not making it up. I will not do it with her. You have to send someone else.” He interrupts. 

“What the hell have you done to each other to hate each other so much?” she sighs. 

Your mind travels back to the past. 10th grade and you had gotten your first boyfriend. Park Chanyeol. He was everything you had ever dreamed of in a man. Tall, handsome, funny, sweet, not to mention he was one of the most popular guys in your school, and he had asked you out. 

Even though you were fairly popular, a lot of people knew you but you didn't feel like it. You felt like a fraud even when you were being your authentic self. It was almost as if your life was a movie and you were playing the role of someone else. You shook all that off once you got with Chanyeol. He seemed to bring out the best in you and all your friends were so happy for you. 

Until they weren't and he started bringing out the worst in you. 

“Okay, Y/N. It’s time for the truth, honestly. What the fuck is going on with you?” Chan asks. You sit on the couch in the basement of his parents house, surrounded by your closest friends. 

“What are you talking about?” You ask, trying to force yourself to laugh. You hoped it sounded real but you knew it didn't. 

“You look terrified all the time, the circles under your eyes are awful, You're jumping at every turn.” Seungmin sighs. 

“Not to mention you look like you're about to burst into tears constantly.” Jisung pouts. 

You knew they cared about you and you knew that you should tell them. But you didn't know if you could. Things with Chanyeol were good, when they were good. But as of late, things had mostly been bad. It seemed like you couldn't do anything right for him and he'd stand there and scream at you for hours, telling you how shitty of a person you were, how ugly you were and how much of a slut you were apparently. And the saddest part of it was his parents would see you on your knees, crying and pleading for him to stop and they would walk away and pretend not to see anything. If you walked around with bruises on your arms around them, they ignored it. They enabled him because they were scared of him. You knew that now but not back then. Back then you thought that it was love and you thought that you deserved it. So you put up with it, everyday, only trying to be better for Chanyeol. You just wanted his approval and love. Sometimes he would give it to you, and he would be the boy you fell in love with but once he got into one of his moods, or accused you of something that was the end of it. He was back to ignoring you, belittling you, doing everything he wasn't supposed to do. 

Until one day it stopped. 

Chanyeol wouldn't look at you, he wouldn't talk to you. He stopped returning your phone calls, he stopped replying to your texts. It was like he ghosted you but you still saw him at school. He acted like your relationship Never even happened, like you were nothing to him. So you made a plan to confront him. You watched him walk into the bathroom and you followed him. There was nothing he could do now. He couldn't run away from you. 

“Why are you ignoring me?” You ask, arms crossed. Chanyeol jumps, turning around to face you. 

“What the fuck are you doing in here?” He snaps. 

“What did I do now? Why aren't you talking to me?” You ask. 

“Because I'm done with you. It's over. Leave me the fuck alone.” He says. 

You didn't like that answer. And you could tell that he didn't care. “I don't want it to be over.” You whisper. “I love you.” 

“I don't give a fuck what you want. Fuck off.” He snaps, moving past you and out of the bathroom. Leaving you trembling, trying desperately not to cry. 

Why weren't you good enough for him?

You walk out of the bathroom, seeing Minho talking to Chanyeol at the lockers. You had come out only to hear the last of Minho's sentence. 

“She's pathetic, right?” Minho asks. 

You stare at him. “What?” You ask. 

Minho turns to look at you. “That's not…” he pauses. 

“That's what you think of me?” You ask, sniffling. “Nice.” You murmur, turning to walk away. He doesn't try to stop you. He doesn't care. He thinks you're pathetic? Then fuck him. But you couldn't let him get away with it. Not now. You turned back around, storming up to him. 

“You think I'm pathetic? I've done nothing but support you and your dreams! I can't believe you think so lowly of me after everything I've done for you. You're a real piece of shit, and an even worse friend. At this rate you're no better than Chanyeol. Don't ever talk to me again!” You scream, tears streaming down your face. Your heart was shattered. Chanyeol, yeah that hurt but Minho? Who was supposed to be one of your closest friends? That fucking shattered you. And from that day, you and Minho did not talk. You wanted nothing to do with him and you had nothing to do with him and assumed he wanted the same. You avoided him at all costs, and eventually lost touch with a few of the other guys. The one two you remained close with was Jisung, who you worked with and Felix, who lived with you and Jisung. The rest of them, you  had no idea what their lives had turned out like. And that made you sad. 

** 

“It doesn't matter, it was years ago. He doesn't want to do the interview with me. So can you send someone else?” You ask. 

“Can he stick around for an hour to wait for someone?” Mrs. Shin asks. 

“I'm a busy man. No I can't.” Minho answers. 

“Y/N, we need this interview.” Mrs. Shin tries to whisper. But Minho hears and rolls his eyes. 

“I'll come to your office tomorrow. But I want a different journalist.” Minho says. 

“Yes, Okay you got it. Thank you, Minho.” She says, way happier than when she talks to you. 

“Yeah.” He grumbles, turning around to walk away. 

You scoff. “Still an asshole, I see.” You say to yourself as you pack up your belongings. You grumble to yourself as you walk towards the train station, to make the 45 minute journey back to your office. 

When you do return, Han stands there with a coffee in his hand and a smile on his face. “For you, my most favorite Y/N in the world.” He smiles, handing the coffee to you. 

“I'm the only Y/N you know.” You say, giving him the side eye. 

“How was it with Minho?” Han asks. 

“How do you think it went?” You ask. “He refused to do the interview with me.” You say. 

“Seriously?” Han says. “What even happened between the two of you?” He asks. “Neither of you will say much about it.” 

“And I still won’t. Sorry, Han. It's in the past and I'm not trying to relive it.” You say.  “He's coming to the office tomorrow to do the interview with someone. Whoever that is, I have no idea but good luck to them.” You say, taking a sip of your coffee before sitting back at your desk, trying to focus on your work. But unfortunately you could only think about the past. Sometimes you miss him. You missed his friendship, his hugs, his warmth, but you were still hurt by what he said and the way he didn't give a fuck about it. You tried to not either but that was easier said than done. 

“You okay?” Han asks, bringing you out of your thoughts. 

“Huh? Oh, yeah I'm good.” You say, picking up your phone, reading a text. “Felix wants to meet for drinks.” You say, looking up at Han. 

“I could drink.” He says, walking back to his desk. You send a quick message to Felix letting him know you guys would meet him there before you began packing up your things. This was just what you needed to forget this shitty day. 

A few minutes later, you and Han are walking out of the office, heading towards the train to head over to the bar. 

“How was your day?” Felix asks, taking a sip of his beer. 

“You'll never guess who I was face to face with today.” You say, sipping your cocktail. 

“Mr. Lee Minho.” Felix smiles. 

“How'd you know?” You ask, a little shocked. 

“He texted me.” Felix says, shrugging his shoulders. 

“What? What did he say?” You ask. 

“He just said that you were the one who was supposed to interview him.” Felix says. 

“What else?” 

“That he refused to do it with you.” 

“Yes he did. I didn't even want to do it in the first place but I was forced to.” You groan, dropping your head into your hands. “Why did it have to be him?” 

“Do you know how many people are trying to get literally anything from him? You guys are lucky he's even coming down to your office to do it. He turned every other company down.” Felix explains. 

“Then why this company? Why would he choose the one Han and I work at?” You ask. 

“Han. You wanna take this one?” Felix asks, looking over at the quiet man. 

“I um… might have asked him…as a favor.” Han smiles. 

“Jisung.” You murmur. 

“Not the Jisung again! I was just trying to help! This interview could really boost our credibility!” He says. “We needed something big.” He says. 

“I mean I can't blame you for that. It just sucks. But now no more talking about him. Felix, how was your day?” You ask, trying to change the subject, and thankfully it worked. But only for a little bit, as you continued to drink, your inhibitions were lowered, leaving you feeling slightly vulnerable. What sober you didn't want to talk about, drunk you was ready to spill some of the tea. 

“You think I'm pathetic?” You scoff. “You're fucking pathetic.” You sigh loudly. “Does he still think that?” 

“What are you talking about, Y/N?” Felix asks, looking at you with a raised eyebrow. 

“What does it matter?” You slur. “It's been 6 years… who cares anymore. Not me!” You mumble. 

“Y/N, are you talking about Minho?” Han asks, glancing over at Felix who was wondering the same thing. 

“Who wants to talk about Minho?” You ask. “Not me.” You pout. “I just… I just wanna know why.” You whimper. “Did he always think that? Why was our friendship so fucking easy to give up on?” You sniffle. You can feel the tears welling up in your eyes and you didn't want to cry. 

“I've been fine for 6 goddamn years. I'm not going to start this now. Let's drink!” You yell. 

“Maybe we should call it a night?��� Han asks. 

“I think that's a good idea.” Felix laughs, placing some cash on the table. 

“You're a good idea.” You murmur as Han helps you up, wrapping his arm around you to help you walk. “I'm sleepy.” You yawn, making Han and Felix laugh. 

You slept well that night, and remembered nothing in the morning time. 

** 

“Y/N, good morning.” Mrs. Shin smiles at you. You hold your head, sunglasses covering your bloodshot eyes. You felt like a bag of shit and you just wanted to go home and go back to bed but you unfortunately were an adult who needed to do adult things. 

“Morning.” You croak. She looks at you concerned but you just wave her off. You're not in the mood to talk about it right now. You sit down at your desk, putting your head down on the desk, groaning, loudly. 

“Y/N… I need you to sit in on an interview today.” Mrs. Shin says, leaning against your desk. 

“But why?” You groan. 

“It's one of the newbies. That's the only person I had available for this interview.” She says. 

“I could have done it.” You say, pinching the bridge of your nose. 

“No you couldn't have.” She says. “It's Lee Minho. And he's going to be here in 10 minutes.” She says. 

“What makes you think he's gonna say shit when I'm in the room?” You ask. 

“Technically you're not doing the interview.” She smiles. “So it shouldn't be a problem for you to just supervise, right?” 

“Oh my god.” You groan. This was it. This was your fucking nightmare and you had absolutely no way out of it.

[variousqueerthings]

@brilliantfantasticgeronimo (whenever I type out your name, tumblr refuses to acknowledge your blog's existence RIP)

SO the thing about the Doctor as power fantasy. that thing that is at the centre of a lot of M*ffat writing, and is first absolutely encapsulated in The Pandorica Opens and continues getting worse throughout his tenure

so the Doctor as apparent power fantasy to me is several things

1.when RTD rebooted the show, he was very explicit about wanting to centre the companion characters and have them be the POV, allowing their lives to be important to the stories. And so you got Rose choosing to become The Bad Wolf (amongst other things), Martha wandering the earth for a year (amongst other things), Donna in Turn Left (amongst other things), and all those recurring characters who each have important plot and emotional Stuff that is at the core of the narrative

the Doctor almost dies numerous times, but for these characters saving them, including single episode characters, so this idea that the Doctor lands someplace and ruins everyone's day by being so Badass and Awestriking isn't really a Thing in Nu!Who outside of some of the Doctor's worst fears of hurting everyone they touch and is specifically brought up in order to be shut down... until M*ffat

2. but what about Classic!Who? I've only seen episodes across various random seasons, and then mooost of the way up until Tom Baker so far, but Classic!Who also did not do this from what I've seen. While the companions (the women) were often more assistant-based and in miniskirts (like Amy P- *gets sniped*), I've actually found they do a heck of a lot more than I think someone (M*ffat) gave them credit for when he first started his showrunner tenure. reminds me of when he did his version of the First Doctor and made him way more sexist than the show did in 1963...

and also the Doctor in the classics, crucially, is still just some guy. kind of like Mad Max, drops into places and is dragged into events (but overall with less Action Man than someone like Max). a lot of the time the Doctor is doing the sciencey stuff, and the Companion is doing some other part of the story (Jo Grant in The Mutants my beloved)

3. So the Doctor doesn't really exist like this usually -- tellingly the Doctor in fact fails to be this in Waters of Mars, because of one human woman, so... anyway. It's incorrect characterisation of the Doctor's role in the story

4. and it removes the power fantasy from the Companions, who are after all the ones who are experiencing a story that we can step into. the near-immortal alien that's apparently now The Most Important Powerful Dangerous Awe-Inspiring being in the Universe is not someone who's able to really inhabit that role, but that girl from the estate who never completed her A-levels? the medical student who's always fixing her family's drama? the woman in her 30s whose life hasn't come together like she hoped? for them to be powerful, to have the ability to change the Universe? Yeah, that's cool, that's a great power fantasy

5. it makes me think of that clip from that one guy who was in some way in charge of some part of the show in like. late 70s I think. who was talking about how he definitely wasn't sexist for saying that the Companion was really a bit of something for the Dads, rather than, idk... an interesting character

to people like that it's all about the Doctor, and I can theorise why. I can theorise that they want to be this dude who can fix everything, solve everything, and for M*ffat, who's so badass that people run from his very word... but Amy is right there, and where is she during this sequence, where the Doctor is telling every alien species to fucking try it, because he's so cool?

she's unconscious somewhere in the catacombs beneath. not like. dream badassery in the writing of the near-finale there, and although on the surface it's not too dissimilar from second-last episodes in previous seasons (Rose is captured by the Daleks, Martha is alone and friendless, Donna is hanging around in the Tardis for the Doctor to know what to do next), it's all in what happens next-

and now I've seen the following episode, Amy basically runs around after the Doctor and then gets married, and then remembers the Doctor, and it's... it's fine... it's like. it's fine, I don't hate it, but it's really just her doing exactly what the Doctor told her to do. Amy has things done to her, and does what she's told most of the time (not all the time, but most of the time), and certainly that's her role in s5

the Doctor, by contrast, is now this massive presence that shifts the whole Universe. it's this massive shift from everything that's come before, and make me wonder whose narrative are we watching? we're not the Doctor, we are the companions, and in this era, as companions we... wait around for the Doctor... to do.... something.....

6. also one you've watched a couple of M*ffat things, which sadly I have, you notice he does this all the damn time. the most obvious comparison is Sherlock is also the most important interesting specialist guy ever, (who therefore has licence to be a dick). everyone orbits around him, especially the hot sexually confident women who wish they could be with him

we're there to be In Awe Of The Special People

also Steven M*ffat thinks he is the Special People

[my-excellent-bicycle]

John Robins - "The Darkness of Robins" (2017)

I started listening to Elis James and John Robins' radio show around two months ago, and a recurring quality I noticed was the level of vulnerability that occasionally shined through in their banter, especially from John. Most of the time it's light stuff about what they did that week, or talk about topics I really couldn't care less about (like snooker), but other times John would give updates on his mental health. Some examples I'd heard in the past few weeks were him improving his workout regimen and trying new health items like Chinese herbs, going on a weekend meditation retreat that left him sobbing in a Turkish restaurant, and going out to the pub with his "gal pals" to celebrate his birthday, which also involved tears being shed.

Because it was a BBC radio program whose content could only be stretched so far beyond "family-friendly" territory, I always got the sense John would probably recount his experiences a bit differently if not for the format of the show. He's alluded to long-standing struggles with depression and alcoholism, and the willingness to approach these topics in a very matter-of-fact manner made me respect him immensely. Although I couldn't help but feel there were other avenues where he'd explore these issues with a more raw approach, outside the confines of a BBC radio show.

Which brings me to The Darkness of Robins. I've heard some talk about this special in the past, specifically about how it was vaguely depressing, and that it won an award at the Edinburgh Fringe that year, but I've never properly given it a watch until today.

Okay, a bit of a personal insert here, which I don't typically do on this blog, but trust me it's relevant: a few months ago, I was seeing someone. He was a guy who I'd been talking to on and off for a while, but we'd never actually went on proper dates on a consistent basis until last summer. I was 23, and this was the first taste I've ever had of a serious relationship, since being closeted in high school/college basically prevented me from dating, and my home life only sealed that deal. But this was different. We did almost everything couples our age would do. He accepted me for who I was, regardless of how I presented myself that day, or if I was feeling down. I was beginning to think, this could be the real deal. I was so lucky to have him. This felt special.

After a couple months, around December, I started having doubts about how he was feeling. Surely by now, seeing as we'd been together for half a year, he'd want to make it official right? Every time I'd want to allude to the question, he'd either hesitate or put off answering it directly. The only time I directly asked him if he wanted to make things official, he said we should wait until he's finished going through the paperwork for his new apartment, which should be done by February. I took this at face value, but it still made me anxious. It didn't help that he went away with his family for two weeks over Christmas, during which we barely talked at all, and every possibility ran through my head.

When he came back, we met up and had dinner, and he came over mine. I debated on whether I should even bring up the question again, since he'd already told me to basically wait till February, and I didn't want to annoy him or sound desperate. But I bit the bullet and asked again, and this time he told me flat out he didn't want a relationship.

He explained how he wasn't in a place in his life where he could have a healthy relationship, and emotionally laid out some issues in his past, relating to his ex, and therapy he had growing up. I of course understood, assured him I wasn't mad, and I let him out. For the following few days, he would check in on me through text, where I'd do my best to hide the fact I was deeply hurt by his decision. After a few days, I said that I'd want time to myself, and he understood, and that was the last time we talked.

The way this whole ordeal played out still never left my mind, and the more time passed, the more I felt led on and I never got over him, even months later. Everything I'd do, whether it was going out to eat, seeing concerts, or even watching Britcom and blogging about it, were just distractions from thinking about him. Two weeks ago, we'd stopped talking for around four months, and I made the fatal mistake of checking his Instagram for the first time since. I saw his arm around a girl. I read the caption, it had a hashtag, "girlfriend." Shit.

I was livid. Then I felt betrayed, and then destroyed. I couldn't help but think there was something wrong with me. What couldn't I offer in those six months that he flaked out on me, yet she could offer that made him want to make her his girlfriend in only three? All my years of self-loathing, anxiety, and feelings of unworthiness suddenly flooded my brain. I might have snapped at a few friends who were trying to listen to me. I wasn't happy with anything.

I've calmed down since that initial reaction, but the disbelief and negative emotions are still very much present, which brings me to today, and when I put on The Darkness of Robins. In short, this special revolves around John's breakup with his then-fiancee Sara Pascoe, and his ensuing depression and slip into alcoholism. Right from the beginning, John really wants you to know that his brain isn't functioning healthily. Rather than confronting his problems, he'd just slide further into more self-loathing and sadness, and desperately clinging onto a past which can't be recovered. There's images of rotting apples, rivers of tears falling into a toilet, screaming into mirrors. Even the jokes, y'know, the whole reason this is special is even called "comedy," are delivered as such that when you think about them for a second too long, they become more harrowing and sad than hilarious.

At points it felt like a dozen punches to my stomach. Watching John yell to the crowd, during at times even staring down the camera for what felt like centuries, as he plotted out his despair and anxiousness, felt like looking in a mirror. It felt cathartic watching him describe the hopelessness of regaining love once it's lost. Yes, I recognize both of us experienced extremely different degrees of pain, but the same emotions are there, and it's something anyone who's went through any sense of romantic loss or longing can relate to. He so accurately described what it feels like to feel such strong self-hatred that it snowballs from the most mundane things, like shopping for cabinets at IKEA.

I won't spoil the entire thing of course, but the last ten minutes of this special is something that'll stick with me for a very long time. John laying out the slow, agonizing process of his breakup was heartbreaking to witness, and it's structured so masterfully that I'm surprised he hadn't thought of turning it into a novel with that level of detail.

When it ended, I felt numb, and reflected on my own emotions. And then I remembered the present version of John Robins I regularly hear on his radio show every week, and think about how the John I just watched was from several years ago. For reasons I can't articulate entirely, it did give me some hope that it won't always be like this. Maybe these emotions can be managed appropriately, and with time. As the cliche goes, it's a marathon, not a sprint.

There was a particular moment near the last third of the special that stuck out to me. Looking down the camera, John pulled from his inner monologue, saying he realized that "every mistake you've ever made in your life is because of you." At this point in the show, we see this bit as a way John drives the point home that he's been in a cycle of self-loathing for a very long time. But weirdly enough, I interpreted it in a weirdly optimistic way. If every mistake you've made is your own doing, then there shouldn't be anything stopping you from trying to change for the better.

And that's the sense I get from listening to John in 2023. Little adjustments, whether it's getting deep into a workout or trying Chinese herbs, can make a difference. Maybe this will inspire me to try making small changes to my life, in the hopes I'll be able to improve.

But yeah, you should watch The Darkness of Robins, it’s free in its entirety at that link. But maybe approach with caution if you’ve recently had your heart broken.

[that-kid89]

03.26.2024

numb the pain. <- song of my day

but like a happy day for me? tbh definitely ended on more of high note, a spark of hope after being unemployed for a week now.

i feel like i could write 15 sentences at the same time right now.

madness, insanity, sickness, disturbed, panic.

ecstasy, highs, journeys, toys, wanderlust.

modest, numb, emotional, passive.

literally just writing random words that pop in my head. feels like gonzo clarity. check me if it's narcissism. too much pride.

daily average for screen time on my iphone is 3.5 hours for the 3 days this week.

read and skimmed all the back to my opener post. i initially felt bad, sad, and let down. reading my thoughts of love for heather, but more so my feelings towards my self. talking to myself in this blog, scolding him nearly. listing my needs and realizing where i sit that i made not one attempt at getting those things. were they really needs or just fantasies though.

kinda feelin like fuck all that shit. maybe its the beers and esteem boost from my first hearing back on one the applications i sent out in the last 7 days.

whats always wild to me, is how i can drift off into my dreams, when i'm awake. the rare night where i just daydream and not even sleep. its so crazy to me, and i dont recall talking about that seriously with someone. wish i did with heather. but also the stimulation i get from twist my hair into knots. sometimes it hurts so good. but i get mad when it's really knotted, and i gotta rip it apart, usually with hair being ripped out. insane.

talking about today now. woke up late, but earlier than i thought after falling asleep around 3am. tried not to drink but caved last night and had a few swigs of casamigos followed by a lovely beer. technically counts as today! well i suppose only the events beginning at 12:00am. fuck it, yeah so i woke up, and funny i keep checking my phone for all kinds of notifications. first thing i read was a message from christian on insta about the boat hitting the bridge in baltimore. this is recent to the mass shooting in russia, god damn dark news. still seeing a bunch of posts about necann. i'm glad i've been to events, but felt i had no place going this year. i don't think i've been when working in the industry, but definitely when i was younger. took a much needed shower today and trimmed up. then went to whole foods and petco. nearly bought the exact same things from each store, from i got yesterday. took the amg out though, and always get excited to drive that beast. let it warm up right, cold start was rowdy as always. deffs got some good pops and bangs. fuckin car is so quick too, and so exhilarating. however i did get this great beer as well called "termination". spent a lot of time looking at crafties to get, and ultimately chose this one although it being a triple ipa. 10% abv and damnnnn smooth. i'm on my second one tonight. sipping out the duvel big round chalice that i got from an xmas yankee swap one year. but anyway, getting a hit back on an application from only yesterday was an esteem boost. seems like a company tha could really use my help, and that they'll have a lot of work cut out for me. falling in love a bit quick as i do my homework on them. keeping in my mind that its only a teams meeting planned for next week but was still the first i've heard in a week. this last week has felt like freedom. but also emptiness. i do miss my last job, and still trying to get a good understanding of how it ended. but it feels a lot like the lat time heather and i broke up. i had reached my breaking points with them months ago, and never recovered. but they cite a recent mishandling of a heroin related customer incident at the store, which i can see how they perceive as mishandling, but damn it really felt good to get fired. i just walked out they of my term. instant relief, not much to finalize with them either. anyway

running out of steam with my writing. im glad i did. btw, song of the day came from nowhere. i somehow had the song stuck in the head, and i searched a rough idea of the lyrics with xxxtentacion and nailed it. i've had it on repeat all day since. had it on loop in the car, and had it on loop during this whole session. a classic way i've listened to my favorite x songs, a repetitive lyric design with just guitar chords or sample. feel like he's here with me, just sharing his emotions with me.

came to love his music after a distinct memory of mine, being when i shurgged off his death as i read him to be an abuser in his relationship. came to realize he had remorse in his actions, and was on a mission that i never would found out myself. this girl told me he was one of her favs, and that's when i got into him. his music still took time to grow on me, but ive now listened to most of his music, and i think all of his albums, all the way through, multiple times. 17, ?, skins, bad vibes forever, and some of his early stuff from mixtapes and singles. but yeah, quite a learning and growing experience. ending sentences on the 4 beat, or like a significant strum or beat, just feels so good.

rest in peace jahseh.

thank you for helping me open up my mind in so many ways.

here's to me, and the life i've lived and will continue to complete. excited to see where life takes me. for now, a nostalgic night of no responsibilities, weed and beer.

signing off.

[milqueandsugar]

Hello how are you? I’ve been lurking around your blog for a while and first off all. Yes your work is just 🤌🏻✨.

Second could I request something about y/n’s hair turning grey already when they’re not even 20? And they’re in a fickle wether they like it or not but (person of choice) gives y/n a confidence boost. You can choose someone of your choice that fits this request. I don’t know if I’m being clear about it. (Idk who to request bc I’m just a houseplant obsessed teen🤪.) it can be platonic or not.

But last off all, I’m kinda mad that I’m turning gray already. Like in my family from my grandmother side (mom side off the family) their hair turns grey earlier then normal. But the weird shizzel is that I have very dark brown/black hair but my hair turns Snow White. Not gray or peper but Snow White! And I have Indonesian roots so like hah?! Like that is so opposite from each other😱 (sorry I ramble a lot)

But you can decide to do something with this or not. Just know I enjoy your work! Bye~

🏵 Your Tea Is Ready 🏵

Warnings: Insecurities/self deprication

Genre: Fluff

| Philza |

Despite being alive for hundreds of years he has very few gray hairs

Believe me they're there if you look, but even then there isn't many

So when you begin to go gray you begin to panic

It hadn't been something either one of you had brought up, but with him being immortal and you being human, it had been long known you'd die far before he did

You had never really thought about it, it was something you knew but didn't dwell on, with your hair turning grey however, you mortality became painfully relevant

Your lover didn't seem to notice, if he did he didn't day anything about it, which only made your anxieties worse

That's how you ended up in the bathroom with a pair of tweezers pulling hair after hair from your head

"Y/n? Are you almost done? I have to pee!"

"Uh- yeah almost!"

"What are you even doing?"

"I'm almost done!"

Cue him promptly opening the door

Damn your lover and his zero boundaries

"Y/n, what are you doing?"

"I'm uh, pulling out my gray hears"

An awkward silence filled the room as he looked at you through the mirror

"...why?"

With a sigh you put the tweezers down, turning to properly face him

"They make me feel old"

Sudden laughter brought warmth to your cheeks, certainly wasn't the reaction you were hoping for

"Y/n you're not even thirty yet, what do you mean old?"

"Well- The- people's hair turns grey when they get old!"

"I didn't know albinos came out of the womb at sixty"

"That's different!"

"Is it? It's genetics, you got genetics that made your hair turn grey, they have genetics that make their hair come out white, tell me what the difference is"

Seeing that philza wasn't budging on this you felt your stomach churn

Soft hands lovingly carressed your cheeks as he pulled you in for a soft kiss

"Y/n, we'll talk about this later when I can show you how much I love you and your grey hairs, but I seriously have to pee"

Cracking a smile for the first time thst day you stole another kiss from the blondes lips

"Okay, okay I'm going"

Although still worried about your mortality, after a very convincing night you changed your mind on your grey hairs, maybe they weren't too bad

| Niki |

You had been lounging around the bakery before opening, icing the cakes niki had made the night prior while humming a small tune

Arms snaked around you as you worked

"Hello Schatz"

"Good morning to you too, you missed breakfast this morning"

"I was out"

"Oh?"

Assuming your lover was out training eith the syndicate you didn't raise anymore question, working on piping flowers across the surface

"Have you noticed anything?"

"Noticed wha-"

Turning you froze in your tracks, catching sight of your lovers now snow white hair

"What..?"

"I bleached it"

The look of pride and pure adoration in her blue eyes made you weak in the knees, if not a little confused

"It- it looks great! B-but why I thought you were giving your hair a break"

"I know you are upset about your hair, so I dyed my hair to match!"

The declaration nearly brought tears to your eyes as you wrapped your arms around her

"Oh my god I love you"

"Ich liebe dich auch Schatz"

The rest of the day was... less productive then your morning

Your eyes always drifting over to your girlfriends hair, a bit astonished by how great it looked on her, and how far she was willing to go for you

Everytime she caught you she gave you a wink and a dramatic flip of her hair, always leaving your cheeks warmed and your heart beating a little faster then it was before

If only she knew what she did to you

[meganlpie]

20 Questions

Based on this request: Can you do a Ketch x Reader where they are stuck in a room during a hunt and they can’t get out so they play 20 questions to get to know each other better and in the end confess their feelings for each other

Here you are, lovelies! *I do not own ANY SPN characters. They belong to the writers/creators of the show.*

Warnings: Trapped Together, fluff-ish?

Pairings: Arthur Ketch x reader

It was a good thing you didn't hate Ketch. Really it was. Because if you'd hated him, he wouldn't survive the night. He was driving you batty, pacing like a caged tiger. You understood why. You didn't much appreciate being trapped either, but it was that or become a monster's plaything. At least you'd been able to get into a place where you could ward against everything and the horde of demons couldn't get in.

"Ketch! Please just sit down, you're driving me nuts!" He paused long enough to glare at you before resuming his pacing. He didn't like being stuck in one space for too long. That much was obvious. Not to mention you were both exhausted from the hunt followed by the demon chase. They'd come out of nowhere after the two of you had taken out a vampire nest.

"Please. I know you're anxious to get out of here, but could you please settle down? We're safe in here for now and I called the boys. They're sending Jody and Donna to come help us." Ketch hummed before finally sitting in the only other chair in the room. It was then that you noticed the injury to his arm. "Were you bitten?" He shook his head. "No. That was from one of the demons." You hummed in response and then it got quiet again. Normally that didn't bother you, but stuck in one tiny room, the silence was almost stifling.

"Alright, rather than sitting here doing nothing, I think we should get to know each other better. If we're going to be hunting together more often, we may as well." Ketch's eyes flickered over to you for a moment before he asked, "What did you have in mind?" You felt a smile stretch over your lips. At least he was willing. You were certain you were going to have to practically pull teeth to get him to talk. From what you'd seen, Ketch was a pretty closed off man. Not that you blamed him after what he'd gone through.

"20 Questions. It's the easiest way I can think of." Ketch nodded once, his eyes regarding you as you shifted to try and get more comfortable. "Are you going to sit or stand there all night?" He arched a brow at your teasing tone. "Is that one of your questions? I must say, I expected more from you." You rolled your eyes and gave a sarcastic laugh. "Haha. Jokes. Who knew you had it in you? Now rules: once the game starts it doesn't stop until we've both asked 20 questions. The questions can be anything from the most simple to the most deep that require thought. And we must answer truthfully. Ready?" At Ketch's nod, you proceeded to start the game.

"I'll start with a basic question. Favorite color?" A small smirk made its way onto Ketch's lips as he shook his head at you. "Purple." You let out a small noise of surprise. "I would have suspected red or black." It was Ketch's turn to roll his eyes as he replied, "Purple is the color of royalty, darling. Now, I believe it's my turn. What would you be doing if you weren't a hunter?" You laughed lightly and had a feeling it was going to be a long night.

*time skip*

You and Ketch had spent what felt like hours asking questions back and forth. Not that you minded. It was nice getting an inside look into his mind. Although, your heart hurt for all the torture he'd gone through as a child and into his adulthood. By the time you got to the last round of questions, you wanted nothing more than to wrap the man up in a hug. Unfortunately, you were also at your last question.

You glance up into Ketch's eyes and asked the question you'd been avoiding. You weren't sure how he'd react in all honesty, but you were running out of questions at the moment. "Have you ever been in love?" Ketch's small smile faltered a bit. His brows lowered over his eyes as he tried to think. His gaze flickered over to you then back toward the door. For a moment, it didn't look like he was going to answer the question.

"Perhaps." It was your turn to look confused, prompting him to sigh. "Love is considered a…weakness in Kendrick's. It isn't something encouraged. That being said, I am uncertain as to what love feels like. It is possible I've been in love without realizing." His eyes met your again and you swore they were boring into your soul. You swallowed thickly, suddenly feeling the air in the room thicken with the tension he was causing.

"My last question then, is it?" he asked suddenly. The moment between you was broken in an instant. You nodded. You honestly thought you were going to get whiplash at the pace he changed the subject. Ketch stood and placed one hand in his pocket. You'd been around him long enough to know he only did that when he was grabbing a weapon or feeling unsure of himself. No one else had noticed it. They just thought it was a normal mannerism of his.

His eyes met yours again and he asked, "Do you think, after all I've done for the old men, that someone could love me? Help me have the happiness everyone around me seems to desire so much…Could you?" You blinked in surprise. That was not the question you were expecting. Ketch was very, very good at masking his feelings. There were rarely any signs of vulnerability in the man, though you were able to catch them here and there. Your mind was in a state of confusion so you said the first thing you could think of.

"That's two questions." Ketch scoffed lightly, but looked away from you. Even from his profile you could tell he was upset. You rose from your seat and closed the space between you. He turned his head so he could look at you once more. Without taking your eyes off his, you gently took the hand that wasn't in his pocket in your hand. "Truth?" you asked and he nodded. "Those were the rules after all, were they not?"

"I do. I know someone could love you. Someone doeslove you, Ke-Arthur." The only sign that Ketch was caught off guard was the slight tightening of his hand around yours. "Really?" he asked, disbelief lacing his voice. You never heard him sound so insecure before. It was odd. Still, you smiled. "Really." Your free hand moved up to cup his cheek.

You felt your heart hammering in your chest as a smirk replaced his look of disbelief. "I thought so. The sentiment is returned, darling." You wanted to be mad at him. He'd gotten you to admit something that you were petrified to admit. Still, with him so close, it was hard to think about anything other than having him as close as possible.

Just as Ketch's lips were about to meet yours, the doors burst open. The two of you sprang apart like two teenagers being caught making out on the parent's couch. "Oh, um…carry on," Donna's voice came from the doorway. She ushered Jody out, saying, "Nothing to see here, Jody. Move along." You felt your face heat up as Ketch let out a laugh, prompting you to do the same. You knew you'd never hear the end of this from Jody. Ketch took your hand again, placing a kiss to the back of it, before leading you out to the car.

(a/n: I hope you liked it!)

Forever Tags: @fizzyxcustard @brewsthespirit-blog @sirkekselord @aikibriarrose @lady-of-lies @esoltis280 @stories-by-shanna-p @motleymoose @dark-angel-is-back

SPN Tags: @jotink78

[tinyboxxtink]

"....So I Married A Murderer" *Chapter 4*

Chapter 3

Chapter 5

Look I know I'm not helping myself with the Olivia stans, but in my defense this is a totally legitimate situation. And valid feelings towards Olivia given said situation. I'm not saying she's actually the bad guy here, but from an outsider's prospective without having actually seen what Lewis did to her, it's really just Olivia's hearsay. Am I wrong?!

That being said you know she's always gotta have that thing for Rafa, wedging her way in there. I'm sorry, it has to happen.

Tag List

@madamsnape921

@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@stars-trash-18

@omgsuperstarg

@objection-argumentative

@thatesqcrush

@shittanyy

@mrsrafaelbarba

@word-scribbless

@storiesofsvu

@believinghurts

------------------------

“Uh, who is it?” Rafael called through the door, still panting from the work out his was mouth was getting.

“It’s me,” Olivia’s voice came back through.

“Shit…” Rafael pushed you off him and straightened himself up. You had never seen him ‘jump’ so fast when someone beckoned. Then again you hadn’t really seen him at work; but you thought he’d be more dominant than he was acting.

“Come in,” He instructed as he smoothed out his suit. Olivia opened the door and walked in, her face went from a smile to a scowl when she saw you standing there.

“Is this…?” She eyed you.

“Olivia this is my girlfriend, Y/N,” He gestured to you.

You had to smile, even though you were severely uncomfortable with the awkward exchange and introductions. You really hadn’t heard Rafael ever introduce you to anyone, let alone as his girlfriend. And also, you were relieved he still thought of you as such. Although you weren’t really sure how long that was going to last.

“Oh she’s your girlfriend now?” Olivia crossed her arms, causing you to furrow your eyebrows. What was her problem?

“What are you talking about Liv?” Rafael took your hand defensively. “She’s always been my girlfriend, you know that,”

“Uh huh and now that she’s in cahoots with Lewis?”

“Cahoots,” You snickered, causing the both of them to give you a look. “What? It’s a funny word…” You now looked at the floor in embarrassment. Excuse you for trying to lighten the mood.

“She’s not in ‘cahoots’ with Lewis…” He assured Olivia, then turned to you. “Are you, carino?”

“Uh…” How were you supposed to answer that? Obviously you weren’t helping him plan his next murder, but you also came down here with the specific intent to defend him to Rafael. Your pause gave both Rafael and Olivia concern.

“Y/N…” Rafael said more seriously, dropping your hand.

“Well…” You tugged at your blazer. “I’m not helping plan any murders, if that’s what you’re saying,”

“Oh my god…” Rafael muttered, looking away from you.

“Raff, look--”

“No no no,” Olivia now stepped in between the two of you. “No ‘Raff’, lady,” She glared at you.

“Excuse the hell out of you, woman,” You glared right back.

“If you’re planning on helping that monster with anything--” Olivia got in your face.

“Why is he a monster?” You stepped right into her, not afraid of her tough guy act.

“Excuse me?” Oliva narrowed her eyes harder.

“I want to hear in specific details, just exactly why you think he’s a monster,” You challenged her.

“Wha--?” She looked at Rafael in disbelief. “Because he kidnapped me? Tortured me? Almost killed me?!”

“From what I saw you almost killed him, Ms. Benson,” You said snidely.

“Excuse me?” Olivia was stunned at your defiance.

“I saw the scars on his face, and his damaged ear. He’s partially deaf now, because of you,” You explained.

“Wow…” Olivia exhaled sarcastically. “WOW….”

“Y/N,” Rafael’s voice softened. “No offense but, you don’t know what you’re talking about--”

“Are they fake?” You asked.

“What?” He replied quizzically.

“The scars,” you clarified. “Are they fake?”

“Well no, but--”

“So she did beat him within an inch of his life?” You gestured towards Olivia.

“I HAD TO!!!” Olivia screamed.

“BULLSHIT!!!!!!” You screamed back at her.

“Y/N!” Rafael yelled, trying to get your attention over the screaming.

“You’re telling me, that once you got him unconscious,” You narrowed your eyes. “Which, let’s be real would only take a few blows to the head, if not just one,”

Olivia exhaled again, crossing her arms and looking away from you as you approached her slowly.

“That you couldn’t have just-- I don’t know, run away? Gotten help?” You got even closer, lowering your voice to a growl. “That you just had to beat my husband to all hell?”

“Y/N…” Rafael’s voice sounded hurt now, hearing you call Lewis your husband.

“Yes,” Olivia stuck to her guns.

“You’re a fucking liar,” You resisted the urge to spit in her face as you backed away from her.

“You really know how to pick ‘em, don’t you Barba?” Olivia scoffed.

You suddenly remembered Rafael being in the room, hearing you defend Bobby like that. You turned to see him with tears in his eyes, betrayal on his face.

“Y/N you need to leave,” Rafael said in a soft but terse tone.

“No,” You crossed your arms now. You did feel bad that you were turning on him, but if he was going to defend this bitch just because she was his friend, you were angry at him too.

“Rafael,” You lowered your voice but kept your anger. “Look you weren’t there. You’re just taking her word for it--”

“And you’re just taking Lewis’s word for it!” Rafael didn't falter

“Because he was my HUSBAND!” You exclaimed angrily. If he wasn't backing down, neither were you.

“She’s my BEST FRIEND!!!” He argued,

“Oh is she? Now she’s your best friend? Because that’s not what you said the other night. Or were you lying to me?” You now were starting to doubt anything he said to you.

“W-What?” Olivia said softly, making Rafael turn to her sadly. Now she had the betrayed look on her face.

“A I told you not to tell her, and B--” He paused as he walked over to Liv with a pathetic look before turning back to you. “I thought you were.”

“You thought I was?” You bit your lip, afraid of what was coming.

“Y/N if you’re going to...to choose that monster over me, how the fuck am I supposed to consider you a friend?”

“I’m not ‘choosing’ him Rafael,” Angry tears stung your eyes. “You KNOW she’s lying! It doesn’t make any sense!”

“Look you weren’t there either Y/N,” Rafael said sternly. “You don’t know the kind of trauma he put her through--”

“So that makes it okay?” You challenged him, still glaring at Olivia. “Last time I checked, the NYPD wasn’t built on ‘Marshall Law’,”

“It wasn’t--” Rafael started.

“I didn’t kill him!” Olivia defended herself.

“Oh gee detective, how kind of you,” You mocked her. “You let him live with severe deficits because-- what? He wouldn’t sleep with you? Because you had a bad trip?”

“THAT IS NOT WHAT HAPPENED, YOU LITTLE BITCH!!!!!” Olivia charged you, and before Rafael could do anything she was on top of you, slapping the shit out of you.

“OLIVIA!!!!” Rafael screamed before immediately pulling Olivia off of you. You stood up in shock and anger, your face hot and swelling from her hands across it.

“...And you’re going to believe THAT, over Billy?” You gestured to Olivia.

“Alright that was a little much--” He conceded to Olivia's little stunt.

A LITTLE MUCH?!” You now screamed while stomping your foot. “I didn’t even do anything to her, and she ATTACKED me!”

“You were cornering her--” He kept making excuses for her.

“You’re still defending her,” You laughed dryly, tears apparent in your voice. “She just attacked me, and you’re still defending her,”

“Y/N,” His voice was now soft and sorry. “Baby, I--” He went to take your hand.

“No,” You snapped it away and backed away from the two of them. “Don’t you fucking dare start ‘baby’ now, Rafael,”

“You had the audacity to act betrayed when I defended Billy, who has never done ANYTHING to you. When you-- you ACTUALLY see your little ginger there attack me, and defend her?” Angry, hot tears now spilled down your face.

“Baby please--” He begged you just as he had at your house the night before.

“No,” You shook your head. “No, I’m not falling for this-- ‘baby please, I love you, you’re in danger, I’m the good guy,’ bullshit anymore,”

“It’s not bullshit!” Rafael replied frantically. He knew he was losing you.

“Really? Because from where I’m standing, the only ‘monster’ here is her,” You gestured towards Olivia who was still quietly raging from earlier.

“You know Billy wants to get back together,” You said simply to Rafael.

“What….NO,” Rafael was really beginning to panic now. “No you can’t go back to that--”

“If you say ‘monster’ one more time I swear to God Rafael--”

“What, are you gonna hit him?” Olivia mocked him.

“No, that’s what YOU do, captain!” You spat.

“Amor, please don’t do this,” He used spanish pet names, knowing they were your weakness. “Please don’t just go back to him because you’re mad at me. You don’t know what he’ll--”

“He won’t do anything to me, Rafael,” You rolled your eyes.

“B-But you don’t even love him anymore--” He stammered.

“MAYBE I DO!” You screamed angrily.

“W-What?” Rafael gasped.

“Billy left me, Rafael,” You started to cry.

“I didn’t leave him. Yeah he hurt me, he broke my heart. But--” You looked up at the sky, really hating to admit this to him. “But I never stopped loving him,”

“....Well he doesn’t love you,” Rafael’s face now turned to a deep dark scowl. “He told me that himself,”

“Oh, did he?” You rolled your eyes, licking back your tears.

“He did,” Rafael’s voice was now eerily calm and quiet.

“He said that he stopped being in love with you a long time ago, that he wanted to kill you. The only reason he didn’t is because he didn’t want to upset your daughters!”

“That’s not--” You shook your head.

Maybe it was true, but maybe he just wanted to kill someone, not you. Sure it wasn’t the greatest argument, but right now it was all you had. You weren’t about to concede to Rafael right now, not after all the bullshit that just went down.

“He said the only reason he doesn’t want me with you is because he doesn’t like people touching his ‘things’!” He went on. “He called you a THING, Y/N. Not his wife, not a person, a THING,”

“Shut up,” You growled.

“He’s just manipulating you, Y/N,” He kept a stern tone. “He’s playing you so that he--”

“So that he can what, Rafael?” You cut him off. “Go back to killing people? You don’t think he’s been doing that already? Or what, do you think he’s going to come back after your lady love?”

“She’s not my--”

“He’s not stupid, Rafael,” You spat.

“He obviously knows I know who, or--what, he is now. He knows that if he starts going on ‘business trips’, that I’ll know. He’s holding himself accountable now. Now you tell me, why would he do that if he didn’t love me? If he didn’t love our family?”

“..I….” Rafael tried to rack his brain for some sort of logical reason, any logical reason.

“Because he still wants to get to me,” Olivia added like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Oh shut up, you twat,” You flipped her the bird.

“I said he’s not stupid. He’s not going to come after you, risk going back to prison. Or y’know, risk getting murdered by you,”

“I am not a murderer!” She stomped her foot.

“No, you’re just a sadistic, manipulative, evil wench,” You barked.

“You think Billy just wants me for himself, Rafael?” You half laughed while now addressing him. “What the fuck do you think she wants with you?”

"That's not--" Rafael tried to defend Liv again, but you weren't done.

“You say that I’m the one in danger, I’m the one who’s the with the psychopath, but look in the mirror,” You stared daggers into her.

“Maybe we’re just both attracted to monsters,” You bit the side of your cheek. “Maybe that’s our fatal flaw. Maybe we were never supposed to be together,”

“No,” Rafael shook his head and grabbed your hands before you could pull away. “No that is not true, don’t you ever say that,”

“Why not?!” You cried.

“Because I love you, Y/N,” He started to cry himself. “I know--- I know it looks bad, and I’m-- I’m sorry that we’re on opposite ends of this, but--” He paused, trying to compose himself.

“I may be upset with you, but that doesn’t mean that I stopped loving you. I will never stop loving you, you have to believe me,”

“Yeah well,” You broke free from his grasp, shaking your head with a sarcastic laugh, sobs dripping in your words.

“Maybe that’s the problem, Rafael. I don’t believe you,” You walked backwards towards the door.

“We’re done,” You turned on your heels and bolted out the door before you could break down sobbing in front of them. You wouldn’t give Olivia the satisfaction.

----------

“...You realize we’re going to have to go after her now, right Rafa?”

“Just--” Rafael put his hands over his face. “Just give me a fucking minute, Olivia,”

“But she--” Olivia’s words were cut off by Rafael’s phone going off.

UNKNOWN NUMBER

“No…” Rafael’s eyes widened. “No there is no way he could--”

“Answer it!” Olivia cried. Rafael put it on speaker.

“....Hello?”

“Damn Barba, you make this way too easy, it’s almost not fun anymore,”

“Lewis,”

“See, here I thought my wife’s little crush on you would deter her from believing me, but you just sent her running back into my arms,”

“You--”

“Actually I guess I should be thanking the good detective there, eh Olivia?”

“You son of a--”

“Hey, don’t get mad at me here, fire crotch,” He chuckled. “You should be thanking me,”

“And why’s that?” She asked warily.

“I just gave you what you’ve always wanted,” They could hear the evil smirk in his voice.

“...Excuse me?”

“Your little papi there?”

“How can you see--?” Both Olivia's and Rafael's eyes darted around his office, focusing on the huge window behind his desk.

“I have my ways, Livvie,” He chuckled darkly. “You know that,”

“Can we back up here?” Rafael chimed in. “What the fuck are you talking about, Lewis?”

“Rafael, he’s just--” Olivia tried to dismiss it.

“Ohhhh, he doesn’t know, does he Olivia?” Lewis asked in an amused tone.

“....Know what?” Rafael raised an eyebrow at Olivia.

“Well,” He chuckled even more sinisterly. “Let’s just say counselor, when I ‘allegedly’ tortured your little lady there,”

“Don’t,” Olivia warned.

“....It wasn’t some relative she was crying out for,” His words dripped with evil amusement as he revealed Olivia's dark secrets.

“...What?” Rafael now looked at Olivia with shock and awe. How had he never seen this?

“Rafael, he’s just saying things to get to you,” Olivia tried brushing him off, but the guilty look on her face was giving her away.

“Oh really? Am I? Tell me you’re not elated that I’ve just cleared the way for you right now, detective. Say that with a straight face while you look into papi’s eyes,”

“You’re sick,” Olivia sneered.

“That wasn’t a denial, Oliva,” Lewis pointed out.

“Oliva, come on--” Rafael said in frustration. How could this be spinning into such a soap opera shit show?

“So maybe you should listen to my wife, counselor,” His evil voice taunted them.

“Maybe you both need to be with your monsters, let nature take its course,” He licked his lips on the other end, eating up the pain he was causing.

“Because if you don’t, I promise you won’t like the results,”

“Lewis I swear to God--” Rafael growled.

“ Now if you’ll excuse me, I do believe the missus is on her way home to me right now. And I wanna give her a hell of a welcome home,” He chuckled one more time before the line went dead.

“Son of a--” Rafael threw his phone across the room angrily.

“Rafa,” Olivia said softly, nervous about the conversation they just had.

“Liv,” He put a hand up. “You need to leave,”

“What did I do?!” She put her hands on her hips.

“Nothing, I--” He sighed. “I just can’t look at you right now,”

“...Fine,” Olivia nodded, not wanting to push the issue right now.

She quietly walked out of the office, leaving Rafael alone. As soon as she was gone, he ran over to his desk and sat in his chair, breaking down into sobs.

What the hell was he going to do now?

[shelby-love]

JAY HALSTEAD

Cold Coffee

Requested: yes

Prompts: none

Warning(s): none

Author's note: I had a hard time figuring out what exactly you wanted me to write about. I'm pretty sure I changed the ask a lot because I didn't understand it. Sorry!

~

You pursed your lips with hands on your hips and glared at the man in front of you. Or behind you; at least that's where he was before you had turned to him.

"Do you mind?" You asked coldly. "I can practically feel you breathing down on my ear. There's plenty of space, man, you don't need to be cooped up behind me."

The young man behind you looked all but surprised at your words. He glanced at you with doe green eyes that were hidden beneath a fringe of dark hair he had been running his hand through for the last 2 minutes.

You pretended not to recognize him and instead chose this moment to talk to him for the very first time. 

Or warn him, so to speak.

You took note of his clothes while at it. They were wrinkled in all the wrong places, almost as if he didn't have time to iron them this morning. 

Like he was late for something.

You shook your head and turned back around, instinctively taking a step away from him. The coffee shop was cloistered, so many tables and so little room, but that was part of its charm. You lacked clothing and weren't dressed for the occasion that was winter, so you stood there in the line, hoping to store enough of the shop's warmth before you run out and make a dash for your boyfriend's car.

"Y/N have you gone mad?" A sweet voice interjected, breaking apart your dazed thoughts with its bubbly tone. Your face reddened from the attention and warmth that had merged to torture you. "It's 17 °F outside, and you're walking around all dolled up like it's spring!"

You giggled and proceeded to order two coffees like you had first planned to do. 

Your favorite bartender raised both eyebrows at you, urging you to speak while both of you wait for your coffee. "First of all, I'm not dolled up."

He shook his head and smirked, ready to make your words die right on your tongue. "Girl… That white t-shirt, which by the way, I know it's not yours, screams I had it so good last night that I didn't even bother with my clothes because I know I look better without them. And that's hot by the way."

The wink he gave you was the cherry on top, and you stifled your laughter with the back of your cold palm in embarrassment.

"What the hell is going on?" A gruff voice spoke up. "Can we order or are you too busy gossiping with her?"

The voices that were background music in the cozy shop died within an instant. 

Your friend narrowed his eyes. "Sir, in case you failed to notice, there are two of us working at the bar and you, along with Miss Y/N are the only one waiting in line."

You cringed and looked at displayed cupcakes beneath you in hopes of the tension washing over you and disappearing right after. You didn't really want any feelings of someone's anger to linger on your mind at only 7 in the morning.

"Brittany could you take this man's order for me? I'm busy with Y/N's."

A petite blonde stepped out of the shadows she wasn't even in and looked at the grumpy man with a dashing smile.    

"I better go," you whispered after a moment and reached for the two coffees, laying out the exact amount of money on the counter. "Before things get crazy."

The bartender gave you an apologetic smile, "I'm sorry about him, I don't even know who he is. He just started stopping by. Anyway, say hi to Jay for me."

For a moment you debated on whether you should tell Jay about this man. Him coincidentally showing up at exact places where you were in the last few weeks left a bitter taste in your mouth. But then again, you might be making this all up to yourself.

You are dating a senior detective after all. The inner voice in your head was starting to get too loud.

"Will do," You said quietly, turning around on your heels and slipping out of the coffee shop and into the cold Chicago air.

Goosebumps immediately took residence on your skin because the sleeves of white t-shirt you had only covered the upper parts of your arms.

The car was hard to spot amongst the early crowd. The body of people that formed around you was making it more difficult to find Jay. Sighing, you clenched your teeth and moved forward until a hand grasped your shoulder, and you turned around.

"You…" You gasped in surprise because you had no thought invade your mind that the young man might have followed you out. 

"It's cold out here," He offers, the grin on his face never subsided. "Let's get you somewhere warm."

You shook your head, baffled beyond belief. "I'm not going anywhere with you."

He stood in front of you, his face forming into an angry scowl for the first time. The grin vanished and his whole demeanor changed – almost as if you had just flipped the switch that held his façade together. His rough hand grabbed your free wrist, and you yelped in surprise, holding the bag that contained your coffee securely. 

"Let me go!" You fought, doing your best to ignore the ominous look in his eyes.

This is going to leave bruises for sure, you thought while gazing at your captured wrist. Maybe if you screamed, he would get off you, but you didn't want to cause a commotion. Plus, you wanted him there for when Jay came back to fetch you.

Fear settled in your chest, but it disappeared as quick as it came when Jay's voice hung in the air. 

His words were blurry to your ears. Amid the moment, you only got a one good look at your boyfriend’s face before he placed himself in front of the young man, shielding you from harm's way.

Your wrist was free, but bruised and sore.

"What the hell man! Get off me!" The green-eyed man exclaimed, pushing at Jay with his hands. You hadn’t even realized what Jay was doing.

"Oh, yeah?" Jay mused; his face grew colder within a second of saying that. "What'd you do to her?"

Jay turned around to you at that moment, his blue eyes skimming you over for any injuries. His eyes widened at your wrist.

"Nothing, man. I-I didn't even touch that bitch!" 

The simple word aggravated the detective and Jay lunged at him; although not in a matter that would get his hands beaten up.

Your boyfriend of 2 years moved his jacket and showed your attacker his badge, and before the man could do anything, he had his hands twisted behind his back. "What are you doing?!"

"Arresting you for assault," Jay informed before lowering his voice. "But if I had it my way; I'd beat you to a pulp for what you did to my girlfriend. Now, sit the hell down."

Trembling with apologies, the man sat on the pavement, hands cuffed, and pride crushed. 

You watched the scene in front of you with a red face. Not because of the crowd that surrounded you as you stood by the side, but because of the cold Chicago air.

This was supposed to be a quick trip.

Grab and go.

"You okay?" Jay asked after hanging up the phone, presumably having just finished calling a fellow officer to arrest this man for real.

"Y-yeah," You whispered. "Just cold…"

You allowed Jay to wrap his warm jacket around you and inhaled his cologne after the warmth overtook. 

"I shouldn't have let you alone."

You rolled your eyes at the protectiveness and leaned into him, head falling on his shoulder as he led you to the car. "I called Sergeant Platt. She sent someone to pick him up. They’re two minutes out."

You nodded, "Good because I'm freaked out."

"Do you know him?" Jay asked with furrowed brows.

"I never thought much of it," You sighed. "He kept showing up at work, and now at the coffee shop, but I always thought he was new at work and all… I mean, all of us get coffee here."

Jay listened carefully. "This is serious."

"I know," You agreed. "Our coffee got cold. It can't get worse than that."

Jay outright laughed at your words.

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MASTERLIST

[cherryobx]

I'm all yours//Rafe Cameron x reader

request: "Hii!! I love your writing! What if Rafe and Y/N have a fling, but he doesn’t make a move or show his motives, so she starts distancing herself from him. Later he finds out that she’s been going out with another guy (totally up to you to decide whether it’s obx character or fictional) and decides to have a conversation with her about what they are (he’s a liiitle too jealous and it makes her mad, but they work it out after a small fight). That’s it!! Hope you like it, have a great day🥰"

summary: Rafe realizes something when he hears that you're seeing someone

warnings: language, mentions of sex (but no smut!), FWB, angst

WC: 1.7k

(not my gif, creds to the owner!)

He was never there when you woke up. It was like a tradition at this point. He always left without you noticing. Of course, some mornings you wished that he’d stay a little longer and just hold you and whisper sweet nothings into your ear. But that was Rafe Cameron we’re talking about. It was nothing more than a friends with benefits situation. Although you wished it was something more. You’d never tell it to Rafe though. He’d just make fun of you for wanting something that was so out of your reach, something almost impossible.

After stretching a bit on your bed, you sat up and tried to rub the tiredness away from your eyes. Your eyes drifted to the alarm clock beside your bed. 7:32. Why had you woken up so early? You blamed it on the coldness of your bed and the sheets. After all it was just you in it.

You stood up, put on an oversized t-shirt and started picking up your clothes that had been scattered all over your bedroom the night before. You tossed them onto the bathroom floor and made a mental note to put them in the washing machine later.

Feeling your stomach grumble with hunger you walked into the kitchen and put two slices of bread into the toaster. You opened the fridge and took out the butter. Lately you had been obsessed with toast with butter. It was heavenly on mornings like these.

As soon as the toast was done, you spread some butter on them. You didn’t care enough to put them on a plate. Or you were just lazy. One of those reasons. As you were eating your toast, you scrolled on your phone, seeing all the pictures and videos from last night’s party. You had decided not to go and just stay home and watch a movie all by yourself. You actually treasured those moments. Rafe came over in the middle of the night and of course he was pretty hammered. You still slept with him though. How could you deny yourself such pleasure?

When you were finished eating, you sat on the living room couch, pulling your knees up to your chest. You felt pathetic, sad even. You were sorry for yourself. You had let Rafe crawl into your life, into your head, and now you couldn’t get him out. He was always on your mind.

“This has to stop,” you mumbled to yourself, as you took out your phone and texted the guy you had turned down a few days ago. He had asked you out but you declined because it felt wrong to go out with a guy that wasn’t Rafe. But now you realized that the smartest thing right now would be trying to forget about Rafe. He didn’t see you as nothing more than a friend, a hook-up.

He replied almost immediately which was a bit weird because it was 8 in the morning but you didn’t give it much thought. You agreed to go on a date with him in the evening.

As you were getting ready to go on the date, you got a text from Rafe, asking if he could come over tonight. You didn’t reply. It’s for the better, you thought.

The guy, Luke, picked you up at 7 p.m sharp and took you to out to eat. It was pretty romantic you were not going to lie.

“You’ve been living in Kildare your entire life? How have I not seen you before?” you asked before taking a bite of your food.

“It may be because I don’t really go to parties.” You raised your eyebrows in surprise.

“You don’t? Then what do you do here? There’s really nothing to do here except parties and golf, if you ask me.”

“Well, mostly I just hang out with my friends, play golf, go fishing. You know, the usual stuff.”

“I’d get bored with that fast,” you laughed.

“Then what do you do here?” he asked.

“Umm, I go to parties, obviously, I’m not lame,” you said, sarcastically rolling your eyes. “But sometimes I surf.”

“You do? Isn’t that like a pogue thing?”

“So, sport is now a pogue thing? Yeah, I don’t label things like that. The whole pogue vs kook things is just pointless in my opinion.”

“If you say so.” He took a sip of his drink.

After dinner, you walked down to the beach and just took a stroll there. It was a beautiful sunset and you even took some pictures with him to remember that night.

“I had a really good time tonight. Thanks for not turning me down like I did you.” He had just brought you home and walked up to your front door.

“No problem. Who am I to say no to such a pretty girl.” The compliment made you blush.

“Also, thank you for paying tonight. I promise I’ll pay next time.”

“There’s going to be a next time?”

“Yes. I mean if you want to.”

“I do.”

“Then it’s settled.” You pressed a kiss to his cheek before entering your home and closing the door behind you. You were actually happy with how this whole thing turned out. You hadn’t thought about Rafe even once this whole evening.

When you stopped answering to Rafe’s texts and calls, he became confused. What was going on? Had he done something to upset you?

After a few weeks in the dark, he heard at one party that you were seeing someone. He felt this kind of tightness in his chest. It was a mix of emotions. Almost like anger but not really. He couldn’t put a finger on it why he felt like this. It was not like you were his girlfriend or anything. Although he liked the sound of that. Y/N, his girlfriend.

He left the party and came over to your place. He banged his fist on the door repeatedly. Je might’ve even woken up your neighbours with all the noise he was making.

“Rafe, what the fuck are you doing here in the middle of the night?” you asked, as you opened the door. You were wearing an old t-shirt and shorts. You looked adorable to him.

“Can we talk?”

“At 2 in the morning? No fucking way.” You started to close the door but he shoved his foot between the door and its frame.

“Y/N, please. I need to speak with you.”

“Then come back at a reasonable hour,” you huffed and rolled your eyes.

“This is a reasonable hour. Just let me in.”

You let out a sight but then opened the door for him. You walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water because your throat was feeling a bit dry. He followed you close behind.

“If you’re here for sex then you might as well just leave right now. I’m not in the mood.”

“Is it so hard to believe that I’m here just to talk to you?”

“You want an honest answer to that?” you asked, raising your eyebrow at him.

“Not really.”

You took a sip from your glass and then placed it on the kitchen counter. “If you’re really here to talk then talk. I want to go back to sleep.”

“I don’t want you going out with that Luke you’ve been seeing.”

“How the fuck is that your business? I can go out with whoever I want. You can’t tell me what to do.”

“Yes, I can. I know what’s best for you.”

You bitterly laughed. “Oh, you do now? Rafe, you don’t know shit.”

“He’s not a good guy for you.”

“And you know that how? He treats me better than you ever have. And that’s a fact. Keep your nose out of my business and go find some other girl to fuck. This,” you waved your finger between you two, “is over. I don’t want to see you anymore. Like ever again. So you might as well delete my number.”

“I’m not going to do that.”

“Why can’t you just leave me the fuck alone?” The frustration within you was too much to handle as tears started to fall from your eyes and roll down your cheeks.

“Because I love you, for fucks sake,” he admitted, yelling.

You were staring at him in shock. You were speechless and didn’t know what to say. Was this like some sort of cruel prank he was playing on you? Or was he serious? Could it be? It was hard to believe. Why would he admit it now, after all this time?

“I didn’t realize it at first. I was so caught up in myself and my problems. But when I heard you were seeing someone, I freaked out. I didn’t like the feeling it gave me. I didn’t like the thought of you with someone else other than me. It didn’t seem right.”

He slowly walked closer to your, now sobbing, frame. He placed one of his hands on your shoulder and the other under you chin. He lifted it so you’d look him in the eye.

“If there’s a slight chance that you’re feeling like I do, please tell me. If not, I’ll leave right now and you’ll never have to even see me again.”

“I do,” you whispered, not being able to actually talk. Your emotions were overwhelming you as you broke down. He wrapped his arms around you and rubbed his hand up and down on your back in a soothing manner.

“It’s okay. Don’t cry. I’m here with you.”

You stood there for what felt like eternity, crying between his arms. When you had calmed down you pulled away a bit so you could look at him.

“You’re such an asshole. You know that, right?”

He nodded. He knew.

“But. I love you too. Always have been. I tried so hard to forget you. That’s why I started going out with Luke. So I could forget you for a couple of hours. And it worked. But as soon as I got home it was like he never existed. I thought about you. Only you.”

“Well, now I’m all yours.”

“That’s good to hear because I’m yours as well.”

***

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[familyagrestefanblog]

Jackady: The importance of the father-son hug scene

One of my favorite Adrien-Gabriel moments to this day is still the ending scene of "Jackady" but I have seen more confusion for it than clarity in the Fandom so here is my analysis on it for why I love it so much. Because as the seasons go by this moment sustaines so much more significance that I simply HAVE to talk about it!

While it isn't the only Adrien-Gabriel scene that does it, I adore this scene because it shows perfectly that in the beginning their little, broken family could have made it out of this tragedy stronger and maybe even better but the reality that Adrien and Gabriel are also Chat Noir and Hawkmoth not only hinders those chances, it actively drives them further apart into destruction

Maybe one day I'll give all my thoughts to the entire scene and just go on a rambling post about it (because I love EVERYTHING about this scene) but for now, let's just focus on the main aspects that really sell it to me.

I give Gabriel alot of shit on my blog for obvious reasons. I refuse to generally give him the same positive and conciderate treatment as Adrien, Marinette and the other kid characters because unlike them HE is an adult, a father and the villain of the show. The adult and villain part I'm not taking too personal because those are "just" the traditional aspects of his character type. But what is incredibly unique about him is the fact that even if he is this evil villain type he still gets to be the realistic type of abusive and (truly) bad father with sympathetic moments like this:

This moment of shock and fear is not something you would normally see in a family cartoon from an evil parental figure the child longs to bond with without setting the parent up for redemption. But as we now know by s3, Gabriel is only getting increasingly worse and more abusive and Adrien is starting to let go of his father to move on without him and defying his will. It's quite clear now that their future will not be anywhere near good, "Chat Blanc" showed us what's to come.

And this is exactly why I love this scene. Because, yes, this family will go up in flames and never truly reconcile ever again (Gabriel went WAY too far for that in the way he abuses/will abuse Adrien) but the show doesn't shy away from showing us the transitional phase in between which really not alot of media dares to. Normally when they stay enemies or their situation doesn't end in an at least somewhat forgiving way this transition is simply mostly skipped to not having to let the bad parent have realistic and sympathetic moments in their downfall into madness/villainy (especially with their victim).

Miraculous does and it's beautifully tragic because you can just... SEE the situation unfold and understand where the eventual fate of the family comes from.

The pure misunderstanding between these two in this scene, the way they just talk RIGHT PAST each other because the other one can not understand the problem cuz they don't know the secret identity of the other one is... brutal!

This moment here could have worked for them. It could have been a genuine step forward in their relationship and saved their family but it got completely CRUSHED by their secret identities as Chat Noir and Hawkmoth.

Let me show you what I mean:

THIS is a moment I AM giving Gabriel genuine credit for, because you can turn it any way you want it won't change the fact that, for his situation, THIS was the right question to ask his son. But at the same time it's just such a... horrible thing to say here oh my GOD.

And that's the ugly, UGLY beauty here.

If Gabriel weren't Hawkmoth (if someone else were Hawkmoth so the situation would still have happened) he would not have reacted to the fucking ring. He would have thought nothing of it and had remained focused on Adrien, because that was his original intention (problematically executed but that's beside the point now).

After Gabriel got himself in life threatening danger because he didn't listen to Adriens concerns, he went to him to hug him as apology. THIS is Gabriels way of apologizing and trying to make up for his faults. He's obviously not good at verbalizing his feelings properly and at normal interpersonal dynamics in general. So what he does is trying to make his feelings known in a... "material/physical" way. This does not only show through Gabriel just buying the best things for Adrien without ever being there for him, it also shows in the way he physically interacts with his loved ones when he genuinely wants to show his love. Because for how seriously antisocial and unreachable as he normally is, he also gets... quite touchy.

The shoulder touch thing Adrien does as well to show his affection for someone, him hugging Adrien both times he got a wake up call and literally everything thats happening between him and Natalie at this point lol.

Him hugging Adrien here is just as much of a big deal as Adriens expressions make it seem to be

But the father-son moment couldn't last because the villain-hero alter egos interfered. Gabriel being Hawkmoth rightfully stopped the moment here, because reacting to even the slightest chance of your own child being the hero you try to destroy is undoubtedly the right way to handle this (even if the way he did it wasn’t ideal, that's not something I would expect from any character in that situation), but nevertheless it still utterly crushed the moment.

Cuz just because it is the right thing for HAWKMOTH to ask his son Adrien who he fears COULD be Chat Noir, doesn't it mean that it is anywhere close to okay for Adrien/Chat Noir to hear this very question in that moment from his father who he thinks as a normal civilian in this.

And Adriens expression once again makes this perfectly clear

(You know the offense just reached an other dimension when the kid, who is already well aware and used to their fathers emotionally painful ways, makes a face like THAT)

Cause here is the thing. We all know by now that Adrien has some serious self esteem issues and that while he tries to over play it (especially as Chat) he just doesn't hold himself in high regards or even likes himself very much. Hence why he goes all out on the acting as Chat Noir and doesn't defend himself much.

But just because he doesn't like himself that much doesn't it mean he still doesn't want that very validation and appreciation from his father. Just like all of us and everyone on earth, Adrien wants to be loved for himself, even if he doesn't/can't do it himself. Thats normal and is something that can deeply damage you when you don't get it from your own parent/s.

So tell me, do you see why Adrien was so CRUSHED when in probably the first time since his mother's disappearance Gabriel gave him the genuine and all present love he wanted for so long, just for Gabriel to cut their moment short and FOCUSE ON THE RING?

The one thing on Adrien that makes him become "someone else" so he can escape from having to be himself for a bit.

And for Adrien it now seems like that in his own fathers eyes this ONE thing Gabriel shouldn't even know could be anything special about if he weren't Hawkmoth, is the ONLY thing worth noticing about his own son so it catches his eyes.

It tells Adrien right to the face that nothing Adrien was and did to make his father happy up to this point measured up with Gabriels expectations. All of Adriens efforts, his patience and his hopes of earning his fathers love and happiness if he only does well enough, literally in vain. It wasn't enough. It's wasn't enough for Gabriel to notice in comparison to the ring apperently.

From Adriens view you can interpret it two ways:

1. Since earlier Gabriel also took a closer look at Chat Noirs ring Adrien now thinks correctly that his father is seeing his new ring as a sign that he could be Chat Noir. This would mean that in Adriens eyes Gabriel would have cut their moment, an action of validation and love Adrien has longed, worked and patiently waited for so LONG, short and basically forgot all about Adrien himself because there is a SLIGHT possibility that Adriens ring means he COULD be Chat Noir. His own father literally choosing his secret identity over his civilian one as Adrien, the son Gabriel had for 14 years, is beyond crushing. And while it seems strange for Adrien to take offense in this because, well, he IS Chat Noir so what the big deal? The big deal here is, again, that as Chat Adrien is literally trying NOT to be himself. He uses the opportunity of being an anonymous hero to escape from having to be Adrien Agreste in every way he can. Gabriel throwing aside the son who is literally standing in front of him and who did his darn best to be there for him in his own time of grieving his mother to basically only focus on Chat Noir (a person Gabriel in the end of the day shouldn't and doesn't know) possibly being his son, is such a fucked up scenario to throw onto Adriens already low self esteem what the actual fuck.

Or 2. That Adrien simply takes his father choosing to focus on his "simple" new ring out of all things as a clear "I see nothing else worth noticing in you, so to keep this conversation up I have to grasp at straws so I guess I'll be taking about your new ring".

No matter how one chooses to interpret the moment, it's equally as much of a "fuck you" either way. I know Gabriel could have said worse here, but honestly, the list isn't that long.

So when after this Adrien reacts like this:

It should really not come by any surprise. Although, no, it is kind of surprising. Surprising that Adrien didn't react alot worse than this. What Gabriel just threw at him is like the verbal equivalent of a loved one reaching out for you with a hand so they can caress your cheek but the moment you lean in they follow it up with a punch to the face.

It shows just how well Adrien has his emotions under control and is able to stay level headed under such great offense that THIS is the level of irrationality and anger he expresses after basically being out right disregarded by his own father (which should be of no surprise either, as Chat Noir Adrien has to put up with a whole lot of disrespect as well and there he for literally 95% of the time has to shrug it off as well).

But no matter how bad Gabriels line here was, it has nothing and I mean NOTHING on the awful way Gabriel then decides to react to Adriens appropriate but still very mild response.

Because THIS is the moment that sets up Gabriels betrayal and downfall as both a person and especially as a father. Up to this point Gabriel was a horrible person as well, no question. The entirety of s1 he already worked as Hawkmoth, manipulating people, putting them in great danger and planning the demise of two teenagers with sadistic glee. But still one has to acknowledge the difference in these two situations.

In one Gabriel is hiding in a secret lair, manipulating people he thinks beneath him to do the dirty work for him and fight two anonymous heros he just wants to get rid of to reach his goal. Gabriel is taking so much pleasure out of terrorizing Paris and it's people because he legitimately doesn't give a single fuck about them or holds any kind of personal connection to them either. He never goes outside and is very antisocial so these people and their city mean nothing to him because they ARE nothing to him. His (self chosen) isolation and lifestyle pretty much disconnected Gabriel from real life and a normal way of expressing and receiving human emotions. So when there are no emotional stakes for him personally, he sees no reason to not satisfy his villainous desires as Hawkmoth.

So as odd as it may seem to say, him terrorizing Paris prior to this is not the point of crossing the line for his character. For that it's simply to impersonal.

No, the point of crossing the line happens here with Adrien. With Gabriels character things will always come back to Adrien at its core. Adrien (not Emilie, Natalie or anyone else) is the person Gabriel temporarily truly gave up being Hawkmoth for and Adrien is the one person Gabriel has his most human moments with. Not even in his bonding moments with Natalie does he show the same deep and true (misguided) love and affection as he gets to with Adrien in those rare moments (its close no doubt but something about Gabenath is not as deep and true as this father-son pair and I can't imagine it ever will).

This marks the point of no return for Gabriel because it's the first time he chose to deliberately abandon Adrien in the crossfire and decides to be the villain towards him instead of staying there to talk things out with him. It's the first time Adrien truly had Hawkmoth as his father. And Hawkmoth is Chat Noirs ememy so Gabriel fell into that role without Adrien knowing why.

And there is a solid reason for that.

One of the best things of this show is that no matter how horrible things get between these two, things are always much more complicated than a simple "evil father doesn't love his good son" situation. Gabriel calls Adrien "the image of perfection" in this very episode, that's sure as hell not hate or dislike in any way. That's love, that's adoration. This man ADORES his son. And this is were the deep rooted problem lies.

Gabriel loves and adores his SON. The ideal and perfectly perfect son Adrien could become when Gabriel is done forming him into it by suffocating any "imperfections" with an iron fist. It's just that these "imperfections" are always the characteristics that make Adrien ADRIEN. Gabriel may truly love his son but I'm not even sure if Gabriel even so much as LIKES Adrien himself.

And this is perfectly showcased by Gabriel turning away from Adrien in this very scene here.

Because even though Gabriel literally disrespected, shut down and belittled his son for the entire episode he still came to see and hug his Adrien afterwards because he loves him. But HIS Adrien, the perfectly perfect Adrien Gabriel wants him to be, wasn't the Adrien he met up with in his sons room. Instead he got an Adrien with a ring on his hand that could be Chat Noirs, making him possibly one of the two enemies he's trying to destroy.

Adding salt to the "wound" Adrien even backtalks him in a way that undoubtedly reminded him of Chat as well since Gabriel pointed out Chats temper in this very episode.

So Gabriel was very directly confronted with the possibility that Adrien could INDEED be Chat Noir and that naturally comes with the implications that Adrien deliberately disobeyed Gabriels orders accepting that ring, sabotaging Gabriel reaching his goal and in general doing everything his father DOESN'T want him to do BY CHOICE.

And here Gabriel made the decision that marks the point of no return, setting up the devastatingly horrible way this man is treating and will treat his son in the future.

Because this is the moment Gabriel SHOULD have chosen Adrien over his mission. The sheer possibility, no scratch that, even the SLIGHTEST TRACE of a possibility of Adrien being Chat Noir should have immediately made Gabriel take action to save and protect him. Because it's not like Chat hasn't been constantly in dangerous, life threatening or even situations that ended up in DEATH. If Gabriel would truly love ADRIEN his quest would have ended right here, stopping the upcoming horror this family will face before it could have really begun (hence why this was shown to us in an episode of s1, the season where Hawkmoths identity was still unknown. If Gabriel had stopped here not even WE would have known, leaving Gabriels name untainted of Hawkmoths crimes as the Agreste family finally moves on and Hawkmoth dissappeares as suddenly as he appeared.)

because Adrien and his health and life should not be a price Gabriel is willing to risk paying for his goal.

But Gabriel didn't do that.

Because instead of Adrien Gabriel chose the potential perfectly perfect son he wants and turned his back on the one standing right in front of him. Cuz remember what Gabriels goal IS. He wants to change the past, so non of this ever happened in the first place.

Meaning Gabriel turning his back on our present Adrien doesn't mean that Gabriel outright hates Adrien now by the next second cuz he dared to disobey his orders like that. But it means that Gabriel is choosing to separate these two Adriens in his mind, making endangering, hurting and working against THIS Adrien more of a collateral damage than actually hurting his own son. THAT son, the one Gabriel convinces himself he is fighting for, is waiting for him in the past alongside Emilie.

This separation was probably always there since Gabriel started trying to change the past hence why he justifies Adriens unhappiness and the way he abandones him as necessary sacrifices.

But the real separation started HERE, this marks the first time Gabriel just left Adrien behind in a position of complete and deliberate endangerment, knowing that the possibility of Adrien being Chat is still there but choosing to say: "if he indeed is, then that's an obstacle I will have to overcome."

This separation has been developing slowly but steadily through s2 and 3 right to "Chat Blanc" which tells us the future. Me elaborating on this "separation development" though became longer than I want to put in this post, therefore I will go into more depth about it another time.

So let me continue with this:

Adrien is like... Genuinely not even angry. More deeply sad.

He was appropriately and truly hurt when Gabriel only started talking about the ring but once Gabriel turns around and walks away? He looks after his father but more in a way as if he is waiting to see if Gabriel would actually take so much offense in him backtalking him to legitimately LEAVE like this. And Gabriel does.

Adriens intentions wasnt to make his father leave, When he talked back at him it was more of a hurt call out for Gabriel to say more, SOMETHING ELSE, but not to LEAVE!

Adrien then does something very common for people in a fight who wait for the leaving person to turn around again but have to realize that they hope in vain and the other person actually is done with this moment.

His face and body relaxes, he turns completely to the door and seems to... take it in.

Especially in the way Adrien does it here its like he is processing and accepting that what he thought of his father was wrong. Adrien thought Gabriel cared enough for him that he would want to stay even if he backtalks him for example. Adrien expected a conversation here but now had to realize that his father isn't gonna put up with him at all or their differences in an upfront way if Adrien isn't "behaving right". Gabriel will just cut the moment short and deflect whatever conversation with him he doesn't like.

All in all what Adrien took away from this moment with his father is even if Gabriel may care for him (enough to come and hug him as an apology) this care and affection is tightly bound to the way Adrien himself then reacts. If he reacts in a way Gabriel doesn't like he will very quickly deem Adrien undeserving of his affection and take it (and his entire presence) away again.

The way Adrien looks then at his ring also makes me think that he definitely blames himself for how this moment ended. That he "shouldn't have overreacted" and taken such personal offense by his fathers attempt to reconnect with him even if Gabriel hit one hell of a sore point.

This is of course BS. Even if Adrien wasn't Chat Noir the way Gabriel just straight up deflected the conversation to the ring right after the hug, where one normally starts to explain oneself and truly TALK, would have been seriously hurtful even under non-miraculous circumstances.

But it shows how Adrien by instinct immediately starts to invalidate his own feelings to look for the faults in himself. A self-hurtful coping mechanism that unfortunately only gets deepened as the dynamic between these two continues on. 

And lastly it also marks the first time that the ring is truly associated with something bad. Normally (especially so early in the show) the ring stands in association with Adriens freedom and spending more time with people outside, him getting to let loose a little and how he can spend time with the girl he loves. The ring began to loose these positive associations more and more from s2 onward but the first time was here.

It's the object which ruined the moment that could have ended this tragedy before it truly began in both of their eyes and in the viewers. Sure Gabriel being Hawkmoth is the true cause of it and nothing will ever change that but it's Adriens ring, not Gabriels brooch, that sets their separation further in motion. Further as Gabriel initially intended to.

It's the factor Gabriel overlooks Adrien himself for, which is truly brought home by the end scene of "Gorizilla" which serves as a mirror to this one here.

Whereas in "Jackady" Gabriel lost sight of the son right in front of him because of the ring and what its implies, in "Gorizilla" Gabriel thinks he finally received the evidence that Adrien isn't his enemy. So for the first time Gabriel completely disregards the ring, Chat Noir out of his mind, sees ADRIEN for himself and genuinely smiles at him. He can and does make a TRUE attempt at reconnecting!

Which is of course exactly what Adrien wanted for so long, what he hoped Gabriel would do if hes just patient enough with his father. He accepts Gabriels genuine attempt gladly, reassuring his father that he and his efforts are noticed, appreciated and wanted even after everything that happened so they can hopefully go on to a better future.

This is what would have saved this family back in "Jackady" if only Gabriel had chosen the right priority. But as I said before, this moment here happens in s2 after Gabriel crossed the line in Jackady, so this positiv moment can not save them anymore. Both Gabriel and Adrien are already too far in and influenced by their alter egos and the miraculous. So the brief reconnection couldn't last and everything continues to only further fall apart ever since.

And it all began with this beautiful, heartbreaking and tragic moment in "Jackady" these two will never ever be able to truly come back from again.

[couchpotatoaniki]

Idol!ATEEZ: Their s/o secretly writes fanfics pt.2

A/N: This was a request from someone who wanted to read their reactions to dirty fanfics *wiggles brows* but cba coming up with more backstories, so this’ll be a continuation of the first reaction

Tag list: @lovelyrose014-blog​ sorry this took so long :((

WARNINGS: swearing, mature content, heavily suggestive

Part One

Kim Hongjoong:

Hongjoong made no effort to hide that he read your stories. It was as he promised; the first time he read them was not the last.

He’d been filling up his rare breaks with your works, powerful words contrasting your timid nature and no matter how many times he indulged himself in your crazy mind, Hongjoong never ceased to be amazed.

You had more sides to you than he ever could imagined.

Although, there was one thing he put off for quite some time now, and that would be reading your more popular fanfics. The fan favourites. After all, being the leader, he should know what his fans like, and as your boyfriend he should know what you crave.

Hongjoong was a smart guy despite the goofy act he put on--very similar to your intelligence and geeky-yet-quiet nature. He knew that you wanted to keep him away from the dark side of your account, not wanting to scare him away (which he would never let happen). Hence why he hadn’t gone on it since he wanted to respect your wishes to some extent.

Until now.

Hongjoong swears it was curiosity, nothing more, but deep down he knew. He still needed to see that side of you, the side you deem acceptable for a whole world of strangers to see but not him.

Drove him mad.

But he was still in denial as he chanted in his head that this was only for research purposes. Bullshit.

Late at night, when pretty much everyone had gone home and he still had some work left to do, Hongjoong decided to take a well-deserved break, lying on his sofa as he scrolled through his phone.

He was doing what he had planned--he was finally doing it and nothing made the adrenaline rush faster through his veins. He clicked on the one which had the most reads, the one that was the most popular among anything you wrote, and from the title, it appeared innocent enough.

Maybe this wasn’t the one...

Then again, you were adamant that he never read it.

“Never hurt to try...” Hongjoong mumbled, despite being the only one in the sound-proof room. He clicked on it, anticipation making him restless.

Long chapter, as usual, and everything started out fine enough. No sign of anything, nothing suggestive at all.

What was the big deal about?

The next few chapters were of a similar feel. Sweet, gentle, fluffy. But he couldn’t put his phone down, something about this story had him...unsettled. It was nothing like your usually ones--with sadistic characters and an intricate plotline.

No. This had him slightly confused. It felt too kind.

Then he carried on. And then he realised.

That was exactly your intention.

The filter you had put over the first few chapters was slowly startling to peel away, into something more twisted.

Hongjoong buzzed off this, knowing exactly that the earlier chapters were a trap, a false sense of security. How you managed to poison every reader slowly, like your words were mercury.

By the time he got to the first smut chapter in the series, he was already consumed, work forgotten . Every word felt like it sucked out a part of his soul, and the heavy themes in the scenes had him in an uncomfortable situation of rather tight jeans.

Right now, all Hongjoong wanted was you. He needed you. To do all those things you wrote, to be there with him and feel the things he was feeling.

Luckily, you were always awake at this time of night.

Just a phone call away.

Park Seonghwa:

Although he loved your shower time, there was one habit that Seonghwa didn’t like and that was you leaving your notebooks everywhere. It made his daily cleaning harder than it should’ve been.

Never did he look through them, caring too much about not invading your privacy (save for a few months ago where he accidently found out about your fanfic account on AO3). But today was a stressful day already.

All he wanted right now was to lie down with you and watch some cheesy romcoms, accompanied by some snacks. Hongjoong, ever the perfectionist, was under more stress than usual and that meant all the other members were too.

Seonghwa was the nurturing mother, and even he felt like he lacked the energy to be as such with the way things were going right now--a comeback just around the corner.

So, yes, the tall boy was quite peeved today. He needed his charger. He needed you. But you were taking your damn time in the shower and he had to pick up all your damn notebooks from the most random places.

What even was it about these notebooks that you had to buy--or try to buy--a new one every time you entered a shop? Seonghwa never understood your love for them as he had only linked the devilish little thing to his work, where Hongjoong would be composing or writing lyrics.

The last thing he needed right now was something to remind him of his job.

The stress continued to build as this argumentative thoughts accumulated in his head, causing him to drop the hardback in his hands. “Fuck’s sake,” he growled, too pissed off at the moment to notice that your book had oh-so-conveniently opened up.

When he did, however, his fiery anger cooled down at the page, which had a few words on it. Luckily for him, your handwriting was fairly neat (unlike your normal habits) so he could read your little notes.

Phrases, sentences, ideas, the plot line in general, that’s what he got from a first glance. Maybe he could have a peek, seeing as though he was exerting a lot of energy recently.

The words, the plot, everything on that page was something he did not expect. It was smut.

Surely his innocent sweetheart wouldn’t be writing those, right? He gave you the benefit of the doubt when he found out about your fanfics. But you were a sweet girl, and he had always thought you mind was as pure as your heart was.

Then again, no one’s heart is truly pure, and it wasn’t the first time you had been tainted by him.

His eyes scanned your words, finding that it was somewhat vanilla and gentle.

A sigh escaped past his lips when he found that you were still his soft-hearted princess.

Then he noticed it was an old entry. Flicked through the pages and saw that the smut scenes progressively got more frequent and dabbled a little more in the dark side of things. 

His heart plummeted. Not just because your innocence was slowly peeling away, but because he too found himself getting a little interested by it. Especially one of the last entries of that notebook, where he found himself blushing hard enough to turn his normal skin to resemble that of rubies.

Yet, he couldn’t stop.

That was until he heard your voice yelling, "Seonghwa!"

Eyes like those caught in headlights, his large hands shut the book with lightning speed. But you had already caught him snooping.

"What are you doing with my notebooks?" You cheeks a dusty rouge from both the hot water and embarrassment, you snatched away the book from his hands.

"N-Nothing! It fell and opened up and I just..." He sighed, afraid that he'd already broken your trust. "I'm really sorry..."

Exhaling softly when you saw Seonghwa looking like some sort of scolded puppy, you reached on your tiptoes to ruffle his hair. Calms him down a little.

“What,” you cleared your throat to rid your voice of fear, “what did you read?”

Now how was he going to play this? Was he going to lie and say it was only one page, or would he say that he had a peruse through the whole thing? As you had caught him already, it would not be a bad idea to tell the truth. “Um...bits and bobs. Just skipped through, really. I’m sorry.”

Smiling softly, albeit a little awkwardly, you patted his shoulder comfortingly. “It’s fine, I just... didn’t... expect you to... find out this way.”

He chuckled nervously. “Well, I’ve know for about two weeks now, about your... writing.”

“What?!”

Jeong Yunho:

One problem that you have, is that now Yunho knew you wrote fanfics, you became sloppy with hiding it. Not like there was a real need to because--as mentioned--he knew about it. How you loved to write thrillers and suspense and all there strange wacky things you’d find on a documentary about dangerous people.

Though that didn’t mean you never wrote other things as well.

Your works were obviously for a certain age and above (not like the warnings you put matter because the underage ones read it anyway), so writing the occasional smut was normal for you.

In fact, you were comfortable with it. Your personal experience with Yunho, combined with the ones you read online, all fuelled your creativity. Unfortunately, now that you became more open, Yunho had more opportunities to read what you wrote.

Not like it mattered much, you thought, because the words in your google docs were pretty much ineligible from the phrases only you could decode.

Sadly, when it came to smuts (what you wanted in them and what you didn’t), there wasn’t really a way to hide what you were talking about.

So when your tall and rather innocent boyfriend took a sneak peak at your latest entry, he was smacked in the face with the bullet points on there:

Fake dating AU

Cunnilingus

Blindfolds

Size kink

Hand kink

Sir kink

Power play

Complacent sub

(Because for some goddamn reason, every Yunho smut I’ve seen had either a hand kink or size kink...not that I’m complaining tho--)

Was this the stuff you were into? Because he certainly never never knew it. Your sex life with him had been somewhat vanilla due to the fact it only recently started and both of you were still a little too shy to branch out and dabble in other things yet.

His only thoughts until he next saw you were about this. If you were channelling your frustrations into your writing, then he could help you, right? After all, he wasn’t against trying this stuff out. It was a learning experience he was willing to go through. For you.

So when you came back from work, he sat you down on the bed, very nervous with his large hands engulfing your own. Concern would be a drastic understatement.

“Y/N?” You hummed in reply, now thoroughly scared. “I just wanted to let you know... that I’m not afraid of...expanding our experiences and neither should you be.”

Your heart dropped into the abyss of your stomach. “Y-Yunho, are you breaking up with me?”

“Wait, what?” The confusion of this situation seemed rather familiar. “No, that’s not what I’m saying. I just...” he bit his lip, still quite shy. He really didn’t know how to say this outright.

So he showed you instead.

As your eyes fell on the document of your plan for the next smut scene you had to write, your face dropped. Horror was evident in every part of your expression and he could see that.

“Yunho, I--”

“Look, there’s nothing wrong with you wanting to try some of this,” he said, before bashfully looking out the same window you had when you had been discovered. “Besides... I wouldn’t object.”

Now that the both of your faces were redder than roses, the air had become slightly more...still and heavy.

“Listen, Yunho, just so you know, I don’t often write my own preferences. But I suppose trying new things is a bad idea...”

Kang Yeosang:

Almost a year had passed since your boyfriend had found out about your writing (through your clumsy cousin, no less) and you were careful as to what you showed him.

He often helped you through tough times like writer’s block, and understood your strange little habits. Even threw you an idea once in while whenever you were struggling to think of something or even took you out--restaurants, landmarks, whatever would help.

Yeosang was looking after you.

But now? Now, he pampered you.

That had you lowering your guard. He was being so kind, so why not let him read more?

Here’s ‘why not’:

Because he kept pushing his limits. Yeosang and you never had done anything, despite the fact that both of you were living together--by your request, since you had been in quite a few bad relationships where sex was a major factor. So, for the past two years, Yeosang had been alone in his endeavours.

All his intention was to find out what you were into. That was it, he swears. Thought it might at least curb the growing need to have you begging under him--or above him--just have a small glimpse as to what was in store. Maybe even have them as company when he really needed you.

Mission Impossible, is what this felt like, buttering you up, making you feel safe and comfortable (this came naturally since he always wanted you to feel this way with him, horny or not). You were like a fortress, always giving him more but not the stuff that he needed.

So he tried the same tactic he used to get you confess.

Truth or Dare (alone, obviously).

“Seriously? Last time we did it like this, you found out my rather embarrassing secret.”

“Just answer,” he pushed, watching you carefully as you climbed into bed next to him.

“Okay... truth,” you mumbled as you buried your body between his arm and chest.

“How about ‘dare’ this time?”

Your lips released a tired chuckled. “That’s not how this works, Yeosang...” But after a long few minutes of silence, you caved into his request. “Okay, fine. Dare,” you grumbled after saying something along the lines of, “if you wanted me to do something, then just ask.”

His lips brushed against the lobe of your ear, sending electric shocks down your spine. “I dare you to send me one of your smut fics.”

‘Surprised’ wasn’t really the word you would use to describe the immense shock that hit you like a train. “No.”

“Can’t go back on a dare.”

“But that’s even more embarrassing than having you read my normal fanfics...”

“No, it isn’t. Not to me, at least.”

“Yeosang,” you whined but as it became more and more clear that he would not give up as time passed on, you caved once more. Hesitant, you pulled out your phone to scroll through your works. What was the best one to send to him, you had no idea. “Can I at least ask why?”

“Because I want to get to know you more. All of you...” That one sentence had you more excited than you’d be willing to admit.

After all, it wasn’t just Yeosang who felt alone at nights (and sometimes days) for the past two years. Arguably, it was harder for you since you used to be very...active. Hence why you had such a selection to choose from right now--it was your outlet.

Perhaps it would be best to let him see the one that had you more bothered than anything after writing it--since he wanted to get to know that side of you as well.

Finally making a decision, you handed over your phone with bated breath. What would he think? Would he be weirded out? Would he not be into any of it?

For the boy, however, it was a completely different story; he was too into it. The more he read on, the worse his boner got until he looked physically uncomfortable.

Immediately seeing the discomfort on his face, it was as if your worries became reality. Hand reached out to snatch the phone from his hand but his reflexes were much quicker than yours, pulling the slab away as he kept on reading.

By the time he finished, his breathing was heavy and ragged.

This, sadly, had only made his situation worse. Only purpose this served was to make him crave you even more. Certainly didn’t help to have you leaning over him, soft, bra-less chest beneath thin, stretchy cotton of your shirt against his bare arm, trying to see if he was alright. Definitely had you concerned seeing his pained self.

“Are you okay?”

“Not really,” he humourlessly chuckled, “didn’t know it would affect me as much as it had...”

For some reason, you leaned further down and kissed him. Whether it was because of seeing his hooded eyes or feeling the tension in his muscles as he restrained himself against your body, you didn’t care. Relief was the first thing you felt, knowing that he was just as frustrated as you when you wrote it.

No, he was worse. You could tell by the feverish movement of his mouth against yours. You could tell by the harsh grip he had on your waist. You could tell by the stiffness poking your thigh.

Yeosang pulled away with as much willpower as he could muster, while your lips chased after his. “N-No, we can’t, remember?”

Huffing, you were thoroughly pissed off at the promise you made two years ago with him when you first started out dating. “Yeosang, look at me.”

His gaze was even more reluctant, knowing very well that it would be much more difficult to have the eyes he loved so much staring back at him with as much lust as he had clouding them. But he listened.

“That promise was there so I could get to know you and see if I want to commit to this relationship, long-term, and we’ve had two years to think it--which is long enough for me.” Each hand cupped his cheeks, pulling him closer for a peck since you couldn’t handle being that touch starved anymore. “So, screw me.”

Yeosang didn’t need to be told twice.

Choi San:

It had been a little over a month and San had still not dropped his admiration. Didn’t look as if that was going to change anytime soon either, especially with one of your recent updates.

Your current story had a lot of pent up sexual tension and all your readers (your boyfriend being no exception) were at the point of begging in the notes of each update.

Finally, you decided to take mercy on all the poor folks and finally write that one scene which had them crying with gratefulness at the end.

As it was a long-awaited scene, it had to live up to high expectations. While you could do the most tooth-rotting fluff ever, that wasn’t your style. This scene needed to fit the vibe of your series so the whole bit flowed nicely.

The problem was, everything you wrote was ‘too much’. Too much fluff. Too much kink. Too much basicness. Too much weirdness. Too much awkwardness. Too much cringiness.

Unfortunately, this put you in a bit of a pickle and you were close to losing your damn mind. On the other hand, San--the caring lover he was--had noticed. Wanted to do something nice for you, not just because he could clearly tell it was a bad case of writer’s block and he wanted to you to write more things he could read, but because it hurt him a little inside to see you this frustrated.

Requested a day of, which he got considering how hard he had been working, an spent that day as your personal servant. First up was breakfast in bed--fried egg (sunny side up), beans, buttered toast, hash browns and a tall glass of cold, hand-squeezed orange juice. Not to mention a shirtless San in plaid cotton pants, the only coverage his torso receiving was the pink apron he had on.

Kissed you on the forehead and told you to take your time, then get ready or a day out while he made lunch.

The next two meals went by in a similar fashion, where he had put so much love and care for everything to be perfect for you. Your favourite sandwich and a fruit salad, water and a chocolate chip cookie before a walk in the park where you both fed the ducks in one of the nearby lakes.

Later was dinner--arguably the best one out of them all. Steak with roast potatoes, and steamed vegetables (much to San’s dislike, but he withstood it for you). The day’s activity had you more than tired, cheeks aching slightly from smiling too much. Then again, you didn’t even notice because all you could think about was how lucky you were to land yourself such an amazing boyfriend.

Even after dinner, he continued to treat you like the royalty you were in his eyes. Offered a nice massage to relieve the past week’s tension all pent up in your poor muscles. It was innocent enough...

Until it wasn’t any more.

Despite the cloths thrown about everywhere on the bed, neither of you had motioned to clean up and San had instead opted to run you a bubble bath. Scented candles and all. It was more relaxing than you had imagined it to be, and by the time your face rested on San’s now-clothed torso--both of you wrapped snuggly up--you fell asleep.

The man loved the sight, and for once, he actually enjoyed running after you, making sure your every need was fulfilled whether you expressed it or not.

Because throughout the day, you were the happiest he had seen in a while, and all his efforts let up to this sight: you cuddled up close with that beautiful, enchanting smile faintly on your plush lips that he had so gently attacked not two hours ago.

He found himself loving you even more; a pleasant surprise as he had thought his cup was close to overflowing.

Two days later, he found himself falling even deeper when you had finally posted your latest chapter. San found himself grinning by the end of it--a little turned on, but more happy than anything.

Because San’s magic had worked. Cured your painful writer’s block since the words simply flowed as you typed the scene that had been causing you hell.

And whole chapter was awfully similar to that special day when San decided to take care of you.

Just tweaked a little so it would be more smut than it was fluff, adding just the right amount of sweetness that allowed your story to continue to flow perfectly.

Which was why San had been more joyous than usual the past week.

You were a perceptive person so you caught the change in his usual demeanour rather quickly. The source of it, however, was beyond you (he was good at hiding his knowledge of your secret). Any reason you tried to pin down on him was a little off.

Stress? No, he was too happy for that. Upcoming event? None that you knew of, and he shared everything of importance with you. Feeling happy just because? San was the more emotional out of the two of you and none of his moods lasted this long.

So what was it?

It was frustrating to say the least, but your boyfriend wasn’t letting it out. And you don’t think he ever will.

“Oh well,” you mumble, “can’t be that bad if he’s so happy...”

Song Mingi:

The boys had made a pact when they began to read your stories: no reading smuts with the group. This was fairly easy since they would normally be oneshots and you generally weren’t one to write them often into your series. On the odd occasion you did, you often put up a warning and explained straight after if there were any important bits.

All in all, very easy to avoid.

Mingi was a gigantic baby, and with babies, comes curiosity. A sense of need to know what’s happening. An insatiable thirst for knowledge and experience. Suppose what is trying to be said here is, is that Mingi wanted to read the explicit stuff you wrote.

What went on inside that wonderous brain of yours, he wanted to find out. But he couldn’t do that with the boys, nor did he want to. No chance in hell he was gonna be caught with an awkward boner.

Never would he live that one down.

So his plan commenced at night, when everyone in the dorms were fast asleep, he opened up his phone.

Now would normally come the dilemma of what to read, but Mingi is not that patient; as mentioned before, he is a giant baby. The first post he found that fit his criteria was the one that he read. Coincidently, that was result of your ‘experimental’ ones.

Using metallic things wasn’t something you had tried yet with Mingi, but you though you’d take it for a test run through your work to at least see it clearly how it would run if something like that was to happen. Sometimes, you found, it’s makes more sense to write it out rather to keep in your head.

On the other hand, Mingi didn’t really know that your writings stemmed from mild curiosity rather than what your really into (not that you would particularly mind trying some of it out). In his head, this was what you wanted to do.

He’d be lying if he said that the idea wasn’t much of a turn on, and the time he  spent trying not to make a sound loud enough to wake up the other members would prove that. To him, this is was your wish and he would gladly comply to it.

The next day, he decided to run along with the theme, but to also add in a few twists of his own. You often liked that, both in and out of the bedroom.

Went out to buy some new rings for you, larger ones decorated with pretty gems for his pretty baby (even though he was one himself). Handcuffs, too, were ordered online, and a silver-chain choker--he made sure to double check it was safe to use. Next up was a little metal ball--he got this idea from the pokey challenge and something called the ‘passion fruit kiss’ on snapchat. Either way, he was excited to try it.

Babies like Mingi, as mentioned, have little patience and so he wanted to try it out as soon as possible, so the moment everything came, he quickly sterilised everything and waited for you to come home.

Made sure each metal piece was cold to the touch by keeping it in the fridge, and had a rolled up black silk tie stuffed in his pocket to act as a makeshift blindfold.

Sensory deprivation was the ‘twist’ he wanted to put on, since you both had tried something similar before with ice cubes and that went quite well...until it became too cold for Mingi’s mouth and that plan had to be scrapped sooner--hence fridge, for a little bit of coldness.

When you finally arrived, he looked like an excited puppy, and you had no idea why. Until he spun you around and tied a soft cloth over your eyes. “Mingi, I’m really tired and I just--”

“Shhhhh,” Mingi lulled right next to your ear, warm breath fanning over the nape of your neck which felt more sensitive than usual, “trust me?”

Sigh escaping past your lips, because yes, of course you trusted him. And now that you felt slightly more awake from his action, maybe you were willing to hear him out. ”Baby, what are you doing?”

Chuckling that followed your question was deeper than normal. Had it always been like that or was it your mind playing tricks on you? Either way, he didn’t answer and all you had heard was the fridge opening.

“Seriously, baby, what are you doing?” Now you were just nervous, all intentions of a lazy evening down the drain as your heart sped up.

It closed, and shortly after your lips were met with his, a faint taste of strawberry attached to them. Then something smooth and cold slipped past from him to you.

The metal ball was passed between the two of you in a playful game of which only your boyfriend knew the rules of.

When he could tell your guard was down and now you became a little more comfortable, Mingi slowly took your hands behind your back.

You had not paid attention, but you should have. Cold, tight restraints pressed against your skin, shockwaves making you gasp from the low temperature. But Mingi kept on going, kissing you to ease your tension.

Two metal things, so there must be a third, right? You knew about people’s strange obsession with threes so you completely expected another cold metal object to come into play. But the question was, what?

You soon found out when a thick chain choker brushed against your neck, clasping around it snuggly. This was it. This was the third and final one. And your suspicions seemed correct when you had not felt another chilly accessory grace your skin.

You wouldn’t have, not when the coldest of all the items--the rings--were being slipped onto your boyfriend’s fingers. You were in for a surprise in just a few moment.

Needless to say, there was only one thought swirling around in your head.

Maybe he isn’t that much of a baby.

Jung Wooyoung:

Ever since Wooyoung found out your fanfics were not about him, but his favourite K-Pop band, BTS, he had been...difficult. Moping around, trying to play for your attention a lot more than normal, not letting you have some peace of quiet with your computer.

It was almost as if he was jealous. You knew how needy the boy could be, wanting skinship with you more than he did with San. Knowing that you were fawning over men that weren’t him had certainly done something to him.

But Wooyoung knew you were no-nonsense. The complete opposite of him. It was exactly why he fell for you, and it was exactly why he wasn’t being as petty as he wanted at the moment.

He knew deep down you were his and he was yours.

Then again, that still didn’t stop him from feeling jealous, and had even gone so far as to decrease the amount he listened to BTS’ songs--especially around you.

At first, you didn’t notice the change since Wooyoung was often spontaneous so his behavioural pattern was difficult to decipher. Eventually there came a point where the clinginess increased so much, you couldn’t feign ignorance anymore.

Looking back, maybe you should not have burst his bubble and let him think that your fanfics were about him... Actually, no; either way, the moment he found out about your hobby, it was going to be hell. But now you just feel bad.

Yet, you don’t feel bad enough to stop. You never actually fantasised about being with them--it was just fun to write about. Clearly, he didn’t understand.

Your boyfriend seemed to be at his tipping point when he came back to you after a long day of dance practices that went sideways, typing away intently on your computer.

This was his time. You usually spend time with Wooyoung when he came back, but you were too busy to comfort him in his desperate time of need. Too busy with fantasising about Taehyung’s large hands or Namjoon’s dimpled smile.

Wooyoung was as cute as Hoseok and Jungkook. He had a unique laugh like Seokjin and was as flirty as Jimin.

He had all your favourite qualities in a partner so why spend time thinking about other men? He was literally right there, begging for your attention and yet, now it seemed as if you gave him none (which wasn’t true since the only thing you’ve done is become less secretive about writing).

When his attempts at distracting you from writing had fail, he tried to see what exactly it was you were writing about. Unfortunately, you had tried to hid it from his sight; the only thing that helped in doing was pissing him off even further.

Only after a tough struggle did he finally see what you had been so focused on that you had neglected him.

It was more BTS fanfic, but this one was worse. This one had him fuming--skin hot red and ears pooling out steam. This one was smut.

It was about no other than Yoongi, and by God, was it a rough.

That was how you liked it, and so did Wooyoung. Probably why he was so angry while reading about mirror sex with one of his fellow idols; you were just twiddling your thumbs in the corner, not sure about how badly your boyfriend was going to burst.

Wooyoung, no matter how mad he was, he had to admit... it did turn him on. Although, he was a prideful boy--not liking how you thought about others and more importantly, how threatened he felt while reading it.

Suddenly realising that it wasn’t enough just being all the perfect parts you liked (even if it came naturally to him).

He had a point to prove; Wooyoung could go beyond your wildest fantasies--and boy was it a wild fantasy.

Throwing your phone haphazardly somewhere (making you wince in prayer that it was not broken), your boyfriend gripped you by the wrist and dragged you across the room. You had barely enough time to realise what he was doing, only feeling a cold surface against your back as his lips ravished yours.

At some point, he broke away--lips swollen and slightly more red than normal. To say the sight had not affected you more than you already were would be a lie.

Still not giving you enough time to speak, Wooyoung turned you around so you could finally see what he had you pressed against.

A mirror.

If an idea of what he was planning hadn’t dawned on you, having his fingers tug at your clothes certainly gave you one now. His free hand had clasped around your jaw, making you look right into your reflection, seeing how your boyfriend’s lips were dangerously close to your ears as he looked at you dead in the eye through the mirror.

“Let me show you that I can be better than your imagination. Let me show you that you need to think about no one but me. Let me show you how good you’ll feel and who is the sole reason behind it.”

Yes, Wooyoung has all your favourite qualities in a partner while exceeding all expectations. That’s why you’re dating him.

Choi Jongho:

Ever since the release of your first movie and publication of the book it was based on, your career had blossomed. Finally, you quit the job that had been draining the life out of you to work full time at the publishing company.

Everyone around you could tell you were much happier, and the one who noticed it the most was Jongho.

Sure, your eyes were less sunken in, your cheeks more red, your step more bouncy. But he could feel that you changed on the inside too.

Your smile didn’t feel so forced after you came back from work and he had asked you how the day was. Now, your boyfriend found himself talking less and listening more to what you had to say.

If there was an expression more powerful to describe how he loved this happier version of you, he would use it in a heartbeat.

Sure, there were still times when the both of you couldn’t hang out as much as you would like to, but that was always in the job description, and the both of you were more than happy with it as long as the bed had both of you in it at the end of the day, both metaphorically and literally.

Then came along your second movie deal of a completely different story. In fact, it was based upon a movie you had watched at the time, and you hated it so much that you simply redid the entire thing.

In fact, it had irked you to the point no one could even tell it was based off of something since you had changed so much of it. However, there were still concepts you kept in the story--intimate scenes, for example (even if they too were completely changed).

You wrote such concepts before, and you would continue to do so since it was just interesting to write. Jongho, however, did not know about it.

At all.

So once your second movie was released, he was in for a surprise.

It was miraculous how terrible your memory was, since you had forgotten that you had not told him about the scene that would come up as you both watched it at home just before it’s release in the cinemas.

‘Surprise’ wasn’t really the word Jongho would use when it did come up, nor would it be ‘shock’. He was... mildly curious? Not that either... Well, all he knew that whatever he was feeling was not overwhelming.

“Did you know they changed this scene?” you spoke up.

“Really?”

Humming, you nodded your head. “They said the original scene was... Let’s just say they thought it was ‘too much’.” Then you scoffed under your breath. “Don’t know why they thought that though. It was fairly vanilla. Just some wall sex is all,” you confessed.

Now he felt a little overwhelmed. But he was mainly amused. “I don’t remember doing that with you.”

“Hmm? Oh... that’s because we didn’t.”

Chuckling under his breath, he cocked his head to the side, the paused scene in the background long forgotten. “Have you ever wanted to try it?”

“Once upon a time. Suggested it to my ex once before but he couldn’t lift me up since I was ‘way too heavy’,” you recalled with air quotations. “Didn’t bother trying after that.” You laughed at the memory, finding it to be hilarious back then and even now.

But your boyfriend on the other hand had not. In fact, he was no longer amused.

He was pissed.

It wasn’t about the fact that you had mentioned your ex--he never felt even remotely threatened by him. It was because he had called you heavy. He called his precious darling ‘heavy’. And you just laughed.

That was who you were--no matter how mean another person was being to you, you took it as a joke and moved on. You saw no point in dwelling over the bad, and that was one of the many genuine things he had fallen for. This time was different; it annoyed him.

Sure it might have been a dumb little memory for you, yet simply hearing about it had his blood boiling.

“Get up.”

“Wha--why?” The dark look in his eye had your lips sealing within the second. As if on autopilot, your body stood from the sofa you two were so comfortably perched on.

He followed you up, wrapping his hands around the back of your thighs, which only meant one thing. “Jongho--no. You won’t be able to.”

“Am I or am I not the strongest man you’ve ever met?”

“You are, but--”

“‘But’ I don’t care.” Forcefully, he lifted you up as you yelped, legs wrapping around his waist. “See? I can pick you up completely fine.”

Scanning his face, you saw that what he said was true. He picked you up as if you were as light as a feather, no tension in his neck, face, or arms to suggest he was having a hard time either.

It had you leaning against him, forehead touching forehead, laughing even more than you did before. Smile once again etched on his face, Jongho pecked your lips, walking slowly with you in his arms.

“Now shush and let me fuck you against the wall.”

[incorrectlumityquotes]

FULL REVIEWS: “Enchanting Grom Fright”

The hype for this episode was unreal. We got the crew telling us that we weren’t ready on social media. It was a madhouse. To think that the little ship that could would have this big a leap in canon is unreal. Let’s just get to it.

The cold open starts with Luz trying to find more glyphs in her off time. I thinks it really shows her development so far. Now she’s willing to do the work to figure out her kind of magic, as oppose to say episode two where she just wanted to be great because she was “chosen.”

“My glyph skills are blossoming”

But then reality ensues...

Using the portal to let the wifi signal into The Owl House is not the dumbest reason I’ve heard to open an interdimensional portal between worlds but it is one of the most mundane. SOMEHOW, Luz can still receive texts from her mom FROM ANOTHER WORLD. Not that it makes too much of a difference since Luz barely answers them. 

As much fun as it is to focus on the magic and the shipping and the friendship and the curse, Luz still knows that she’s still lying to her mom. The guilt is there, but luckily being a main character keeps her too busy to think about it.

“Luz, time to fill that darling head of yours with...huuh huuh huuh HAKKK, mmm, mmm, mmh, delicious knowledge.”

Never change, Hooty.

It’s that time of year again that Luz doesn’t know about yet, Grom: The Boiling Isles’ weird version of prom. Every fantasy world has one. 

*hiss*

Amity bumps into Luz, and I know this is going to sound weird, but I really like Amity’s “Watch it, nitwit.” Amity’s character has changed and developed from our perspective which is the perspective of Luz and The Owl House fam. But she’s not a completely different character. Amity still has a bit of a temper and gets agitated easily. It makes sense to me and I’m glad I haven’t found anyone be like “Hey if Amity is nicer, why did she get mad when she bumped into someone?” 

Amity is nicer to Luz and co. because she’s gotten to know Luz and co. You don’t treat everyone in your life the same. Amity is one of those people that you need to defrost with first. Belief is backed up by experience and so are people’s personas. (Not that persona. I’m being serious here.) Because of Amity’s experiences, she’s believed that in order to survive she has to put people at arm’s length, then when she gets to know you, she’ll decide if she wants to let you in or not. So I guess that means that based on her interactions with Luz, Amity has decided...

You know what? I’ll save that for my Lumity meta.

The popular theory is that Amity was going to put her note in Luz’s locker, hence why she bumped into them. But actually seeing Luz and being announced as grom queen probably made her lose her nerve.

“Embrace your dreams...”

Amity is announced to be this year’s grom queen. Luz is happy for her before Amity runs in shock and embarrassment. Okay.

Luz discovers the gym’s weapons cache (not a thing I thought I would ever type) and Amity explains grom. Since Luz is from the human world and all that.

Grom is a monster that lives under the school and needs to be defeated every year so it doesn’t invade the town. It’s a classic shape-shifting fear monster. Odd are I have (and so have you) at least seen three or four of these in our lives already. Amity doesn’t want to show the entire school her greatest fear, especially since she already knows what it is. Luz suggest talking to Bump and Amity says she’ll try.

Another scene of Eda and King laughing and mocking Luz. Because I liked it so much the first time.

Eda gets dressed up herself because she’s volunteered to chaperone grom. Luz tells her that Amity is grom queen but wishes that she could take her place. We get...you know and Luz walks off. 

“I think we should kiss to ease the tension.”

Luz randomly meets up with Amity in the woods because I guess Amity had the same idea to take a walk to clear her head. Whatever. Amity tells Luz that Bump wasn’t going to change his mind unless Amity found a replacement. Luz volunteers because...she’s Luz, friend to all.

Except maybe that spider.

Top 10 Anime Betrayals

The Blight Siblings try to help Luz train against grom only for Eda to find out about their little plan. Here’s where we find out why Eda volunteered to chaperone a Hexside event even though she hates that place:

“What’s the fun in watching a kid get eaten by a monster if it’s my kid?”

That’s hilarious. To me. 

Luz and Amity have a moment before Luz’s debut and Amity thanks Luz for everything she’s done. They have more adorable banter before Luz takes the stage. 

“Wish me luck.”

“Luck.”

I’m guessing that’s not an expression in The Boiling Isles.

Luz faces Grom and it seems to be going better than everyone predicted until...you know

“Mija, this would be such a good shot for the trailer.”

Yup, we all predicted this. Luz’s greatest fear is her mom finding out that she’s been lying to her. Luz panics and takes off with Eda and Amity to chase after her.

Eda comes in for the save when Amity bursts in the scene saying “Boy let me tell you what.” She doesn’t really I just like saying that. You know, in my head. I mean, if you heard the way I was saying it out loud you’d probably think it was funny too but you know...text.

Grom gets a hold of Amity and transforms into her greatest fear. And we see why Amity didn’t want to face Grom in front of the whole school. She didn’t want everyone to see that Amity’s fear is very...emotional. Not physical. She’s not afraid of a giant spider or anything. It’s a little closer to the heart.

Amity clutching at her dress like a little kid is both the cutest and the saddest thing. This fear of hers is so bad it makes this fourteen year old feel like she’s four. I’m so sure she was about to cry right there. Or maybe that’s me. Could be both.

Luz picks up the note and discovers that Amity was trying to ask somebody out before she was announced as grom queen. Amity was afraid of being rejected. Luz tries to ease her fears by asking her out to grom. 

Trying seeing it from Luz’s point of view. She has no idea who Amity wants to ask out. Luz doesn’t even consider that it could be her because again, belief is backed by experience. Luz was considered a weirdo with no friends in the human world. She even said earlier in the episode that she got kicked out of her last school dance for dressing like an otter. Luz has no reason to believe that someone would like her romantically. She would like to. It is a fantasy of hers, but her experience tells her that other people don’t see her that way so she doesn’t consider that Amity wanted to ask Luz out.

I’ll save the rest for another blog post, although I did talk about this last year too.

But since Amity did want to ask Luz out and Luz asked her out instead, Amity’s fears are eased. Grom does what every fear monster does when their target overcomes their fears and says “Screw it, I’m just going to kick your ass!”

And then this happens:

As a Star vs the Forces of Evil fan, let me just say this is our Blood Moon Ball moment. The moment that the show tells the audience in John Oliver’s voice, “Yup this is the ship we’re doing so strap in folks.”

Luz and Amity work together to combine magic to take down Grom. It also helps that they eased each others’ fears. Luz can’t think about her mom if she’s focused on helping Amity. 

Luz and Amity defeat Grom in a blaze of glory. Luz being Luz, decides to ask Amity who she wanted to ask out just to see if she would tell you. Amity brushes it off.

“It doesn’t matter. After all, I already got to dance with the girl I like.”

Everyone celebrates but when Luz gets home she’s more tired than anything.

Maybe it was Grom, but Luz decides to give her mom a real answer. It’s been tough but it’s also been fun. There are good and bad days. Sometimes she feels like she doesn’t belong. But she has friends. They care about her, she cares about them, and that’s more than enough reason to stay. 

THEN THIS SHIT HAPPENS!

Yeah, the Meteora moment in Star vs the Forces of Evil. The moment where the show went “Never mind that shit. Here comes a complete change in the status quo.” 

Someone or something is sending Luz’s mom letters. It’s Luz’s handwriting, but it’s clearly not Luz since she can’t spell her name right. Season one already finished and we still have no idea what this is. 

I was all happy a second ago. Now I’m nervous as all hell. It’s a madhouse I tells ya. A madhouse!

FINAL SCORE: 5 - LOVED IT!

Wow. Just wow. This episode had everything. Jokes, plot, romance, character development, cameos, dancing, girls, MOM(?), crashing on your couch because technically I’m homeless.

I shipped Lumity before this, but this was the episode that told me that yes it was going to happen. We’re all in. 

But it’s not perfect.

Yeah, did any of you noticed that I didn’t even mention the B-plot? I’m going to be honest. The reason is...

I hate it.

I hate the B-plot so much that I skip it every time I watch this episode. I still don’t think Gus is that funny or interesting. Hell, Skara’s mini plot with her date and/or boyfriend was funnier.

But everything else about the episode more than outshines the B-plot so I still give it a five.

Next time we finish up the lumity trilogy next time.

Dammit I said next time twice.

[randomfandomimagine]

A Whisper Among The Noise (Clark Kent x Reader)

Character: Clark Kent

Fandom: Superman/Man of Steel (DCEU)

Tags: Songfic, angst with a happy ending, pining

Warnings: A bit angsty in the middle

Word Count: 2,1k words

Requested by @caritobbg​: Hello again!!! ❤️ I'm still in love with "I Still Love You" whith Jaskier 😍❤️ hahahaha I'm gonna ask if you could write another ficlet songfic with Clark Kent x Fem! Reader? 😍 The song's called Secret Love Song p.II by Little Mix ❤️ Reader's in love with him, but when she founds out about a mysterious girl that he likes, she felt so bad and sing that song infront of everyone at an after-office party. Then, Clark tell her that she's that girl 😍 Love your blog!!!! 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

A/N: Better late than never 😅 By this point I was running out of inspiration a bit, but I still kind of like the result and I hope you love it! Thanks for being so lovely and patient and understanding. Enjoy!! 💜

Clark Kent x Gender Neutral Reader

_

You absently scratched your nail against the ridges on the red solo cup you were holding and that you had barely drank a sip of. The party was lively and loud, and although you didn’t regret coming, you were starting to feel a bit restless. Everyone was shouting over the music and chatting in groups, and after you had said hello to them, you were now hiding in the corner as you felt your social battery drain.

A hand softly pressed against your arm, and you would have been startled by the sudden contact as well as by the promise of new interaction if it weren’t for whom that hand belonged to. You could tell it was him not only by the gentle way in which he called you, but also the unmistakable way his touch made you feel. Warm, flustered, loved. The butterflies returned to your stomach, like they had never left ever since the last time you talked to him.

“Y/N” His deep voice enveloped you as you turned around to face him.

“Hey, Clark” You didn’t speak too loudly, but he seemed to hear you nonetheless.

“What…” He began to say, but he paused and leaned closer to your ear so you could understand him over the blasting speakers. “What are you doing here all alone?”

Suddenly feeling self-conscious, even under the fond way in which he watched you, you shrugged your shoulders. Wanting to distract yourself from the intense way he made you feel, you continued to play with the cup in your hands.

Why can't I hold you in the street? Why can't I kiss you on the dance floor? I wish that it could be like that Why can't it be like that? 'Cause I'm yours Why can't I say that I'm in love? I wanna shout it from the rooftops I wish that it could be like that Why can't it be like that? 'Cause I'm yours

 “Well, I…” Knowing he expected an answer, you made an effort to reply and raise your voice enough so that he could hear you. “I guess I’m a bit over it already”

When you looked up at him, you saw Clark dedicating you an understanding smile. His hand, which still lingered on your arm, carefully squeezed you.

“Would you like me to drive you home?”

“I wouldn’t want you to leave the party early because of me…”

“I don’t mind at all” His smile widened, acquiring an inviting expression. “I don’t like parties that much anyway”

“You really wouldn’t mind?” Your hand fell atop of his, timid and longing.

“It would be my pleasure” Clark dedicated you that smile, the one that light up your entire world.

The two of you paused, lingering on your reciprocal touch, and stared at the other. At that time, the music in the background seemed to dim. Perhaps it was because of your heart beating wildly in your chest, all the more with each second that your touch and his continued. Or maybe it was that the intensity of your gazes that made everything around you duller.

When your eyes drifted down to his lips, like they had a mind of their own, you had to bite your lip not to audibly gasp. You inched closer to his mouth on an instinct, ever so slightly, so little in fact that he didn’t seem to notice.

“Come on” He finally said, moving his hand to gently push it against the small of your back. “Let’s get you home”

You obeyed, hoping you weren’t blushing as his hand also lingered in that new spot. Titling your head down, you started walking towards the exit. Your mind boiled with thoughts, all regarding the very man that so kindly insisted in personally accompanying you home.

_

When Clark stopped the car, it felt like all the questions fighting for attention in your brain only grew louder with the absence of the party music. Like every time you interacted, he was the perfect gentleman, a sweetheart, always kind and thoughtful and gentle. Back at the party, you had been even closer than ever. All those stolen moments you shared paled in comparison to that one. Surely, he must have noticed your moment of weakness and decided not to act on it, to pretend like he didn’t realize. He couldn’t be that oblivious.

It made sense, seeing as his heart was apparently taken. There were rumors in the office, of Clark being hung up on someone. He always seemed absent-minded, lost in a beautiful romantic daydream of that special person. If only you could be so lucky, but having your feelings reciprocated felt like an impossible dream. You could see that now, clear as day despite the darkness that surrounded you.

“Are you okay?” Clark’s husky voice startled you slightly in the stillness of the car. “You’re very quiet”

“I was just wondering…” You dared to look him in the eyes, forgetting how beautiful and piercing they were. For a moment, it took your breath away. “Are the rumors true? Do you… are you… and someone in the office…?”  

“Maybe… why do you ask?” He attentively stared at you, but his tender expression wasn’t endearing this time. It was heartbreaking, because someone else caused it.

“I…” Unprompted, a deep sadness overwhelmed you. The electric magic that seemed to fill the air whenever he was around disappeared, replaced with a cold void.

“Y/N, what’s wrong?” Clark placed a hand on your wrist, but this time the gesture didn’t feel as lovely either. “You’re acting strange”

Tears arrived to your eyes. You had a sudden realization that, no matter how close and intimate you got with Clark, it would never be enough. He was thinking of someone else.

Every time I see you, I die a little more Stolen moments that we steal as the curtain falls It'll never be enough As you drive me to my house I can't stop these silent tears from rolling down You and I both have to hide on the outside Where I can't be yours and you can't be mine

But I know this, we got a love that is homeless

Was he really that blind to your love to give you hope? Especially when his harbored someone else? Was that undeniable connection doomed because of another person?

He was staring at you, yet again expecting an answer. His insistent gaze made your heart race, made you flustered as usual. This wasn’t fair…

“I’m in love with you” You spit out before you could stop yourself.

The silence seemed to grow. It loomed over you, lurking in order to swallow you at any moment, and take your empty heart with it.

“Oh…” Clark retrieved his hand, dragging his fingers along your skin.

Feeling all kinds of stupid and hopeless, you averted your gaze. Your wrist felt cold and hot at the same time. That spot missed his touch, but it remembered it.

“I’ll…” He cleared his throat. “I’ll walk you to the door”

Moving your head so he couldn’t see your face, you looked out the window. He stayed in the seat, so you nodded your head without making eye contact. When you made to open the door, he exited the car himself.

In the time that it took him to round the vehicle to reach the copilot door, you took a deep breath to calm yourself. You didn’t want him to know how much you were hurting. It would only make things worse.

It's obvious you're meant for me Every piece of you, it just fits perfectly Every second, every thought, I'm in so deep But I'll never show it on my face

Before he could, you opened the door and walked out of the car. There stood Clark’s tall figure, illuminated by a streetlight behind him and making him look like an angel in a halo. You and him… it would have been too good to be true.

You started walking to your front door, with him standing by you and watching your every move. He was worried, and you could tell. You couldn’t even be mad at him or that person that stole his love. After all, you wanted him to be happy, even if it was with somebody else.

As you walked, you subtly wiped the tears from your cheeks and busied yourself with getting your keys out. They rattled in the silence of the night, making your ears ring. It was the only sound filling the void other than your slow, feeble footsteps. Your front door was closer each second, and with that a sense of anticipated relief reached you bit by bit, desperately attempting to take over the hurt.

“Y/N?” Clark piped up, but you didn’t feel strong enough to hear what he wanted to say.

“Thanks for taking me home” Was all you told him, already lifting your arm with your keys prepared.

“Wait” He spoke in an ushered whisper, delicately stopping your hand when you were opening the door. His fingers were warm even in that chilly night. “I don’t think you understood me before”

“You don’t have to explain” You told him, mentally begging him to stop talking. “Really, Clark”

“I do” His grip on your wrist tightened a little. “Because I am in love with that someone…”

“Clark…” You began, gritting your teeth and struggling to keep faking.

“Will you look at me?” His hand gingerly rested against your cheek, tilting your head so you reluctantly stared into his blue eyes. “That someone is you… how could you think it was anyone but you?”

You gawked at him, unable to believe him. He backed off slightly, letting go of your wrist and giving you some space. As usual, he seemed to know exactly what you needed.

“Why didn’t you tell me before?” You weren’t angry, you weren’t sad, nor disappointed. Shock was the only thing you could feel among the sea of emotions that threatened to drown you.

“I thought you knew…” He continued, given your quietness. “I was waiting for a sign”

“A sign?”

“A sign that you… loved me back”

“I knew you loved someone, I just… I never thought it was me…”

Clark frowned, seemingly as heartbroken as you were. He made to touch you again, but this time he hesitated. You could see it in his eyes, the regret and guilt and fear. After all this time being so unapologetically affectionate, he was afraid to hurt you again. He was afraid to harm you in any way, even if it hadn’t been his intention. All that pain and uncertainty… it was all for nothing. Clark loved you, he always had. There was no one else, only you.

“I’m sorry if I ever hurt you” Once again, he read you like an open book. He knew you so well, and he cared so much, that he read your thoughts.

“Get out of my head…” You spoke in a whisper, fascinated by him.

Relieved by the shift in the atmosphere, from tense and sad to hopeful and light, he chuckled. His brow was still furrowed, but now it showcased that fondness from always. Knowing what you did now, you realized it wasn’t only that. It was fondness, and an absolute adoration that you were surprised not to have seen until then. It was always there, you were just too blind and too afraid to see it.

“Can I…?” Clark began, but you interrupted him.

“Yes” You replied before he could finish the question, you knew what he was going to say anyways. And the answer was yes, one hundred times yes.

He smiled and moved closer to you. Feeling his warmth in the chilly night, you shivered as he lovingly wrapped his arms around you. Like they belonged there and always had, your hands settled on his chest. He deeply breathed in, as though he couldn’t contain such emotion. Then, he finally leaned in.

Your eyes closed at the touch of his lips, feeling goose bumps now that it finally happened. He held you tight at last, tighter, as tight as he could, as he pressed you against him. Your hands went up to his shoulders, holding on to him as your legs threatened to give in under the weight of your immeasurable happiness.

The kiss was magical, warm, passionate and tender. It was loving and sweet and cathartic. When it ended after a few seconds, you slowly opened your eyes. Clark was staring at you, receiving you with a bright smile. He didn’t say anything, but you understood anyway.

There was no noise anymore and he didn't have to whisper in your ear, but he still reached you deeply. He saw you in ways no one else could, he talked to you and read you without the need of words, and that kiss was proof of it all, like a whisper among the noise.

Tag list: @call-me-harley-quinn​ / @wonderlandfandomkingdom​ / @locke-writes​ / @lotsoffandomrecs​ / @emmacata​ / @scared-to-be-lonely345​ / @everyday-imfangirling​ / @danietoww04​ / @sylleblossomstar​ // If you want to be added or taken off the tag list for these fandoms or characters, send me an ask!! // Feedback and reblogs are appreciated!

[saigonharrington]

boyfriend // g.w angsty one shot

I would like to say hi to my 30 followers I love you so freaking much thanks (and sorry) for following me 🧡 and to all my non-followers thank you for reading my story

It would be nice if you guys could reblog my works, it helps me grow and motivates me so much

By the way, it’s the angstiest one shot I have ever written so before you can ask, I can assure you that I will make a part two ( there will be link to it if it will be posted) because I don’t want to leave your relationship with George like that

My last one shot was for non gryffindor readers so this one’s for you gryffindorks

George Weasley x fem!gryffindor!reader

The year when the Yule ball was held

Warnings: swearing and different swear words, cheating, mentions of cheating, crying, some unkind words about slytherin (im so sorry guys really I love you)

Word count: 2k I think

angst angst and once more angst

also I did it in 2nd person (I wrote it in 1st and then changed it so sorry if there are mistakes) because I read on someone’s blog that you prefer it like that ❤️

———————

The Triwizard tournament despite being a dangerous experience had some perks. Maybe not for me, but for some, the Yule Ball was the hot topic all the time. Boys were freaking out because they didn’t know if the girl they’d planned to ask will say yes, while girls were comparing their dresses and talked about crushes they developed to have. Everything was a mess, even teachers seemed to talk only about the night that the ball is held.

And here you were, not going.

“Honestly, Y/N, even though Adrian doesn’t want to go, does not mean that you should spend this night alone. You can always join our group.” Angelina spoke to you, seeing your upset face. You were sitting in the dormitory, girls were putting their dresses and make-up on, trying not to mess up their hairstyles.

“You’re going with Fred, each one of you has a pair, I don’t want to interrupt.” You explained.

“Don’t be silly, we’re going as friends and nothing more. And I bet everyone would agree with us that you should go, for once thinking about yourself. I’m sure Pucey won’t mind. Although he’s sick, that doesn’t mean you should babysit him or sit all damn night here without a soul to talk to.” Alicia encouraged you.

“I’m not sure. It’s too late to start preparing. I don’t even want to go, dancing isn’t my thing. And all that stuff that makes this night official, it’s so stressful.” You are a good friend, right? It isn’t your night, tonight is only about them. You don’t want to third wheel anyone.

“You know we can help you. Boys can wait 30 minutes longer. And think about it, you’re not the only one who’s going without a pair. George, Katie, and Lee are going alone. Also, Harry and Ron set up with Patil twins, these girls will leave them after ten minutes, because boys do not match their personalities, I tell you. Believe it or not, maybe 30 percent of people will be at the ball with the one they fancy. It’s about fun, not significant others. Some younger students are also attending this ball, you can’t tell me that you resign because of your boyfriend. He wouldn’t feel betrayed just for the reason that you’ll show up to the dance where are teenagers, or frankly speaking - children. You’re going with us.” Alicia ranted, sick of your excuses.

“And I agree with Alicia. No time to mope around. What could be wrong with spending time with your favorite people? We’re gonna dance until our knees become weak, and then we’ll be eating til’ our tummies can’t take more. Also, can you imagine those Durmstrang boys in suits? You can’t say no to them. Bet they look freaking good and every one of them will want to dance with a girl like you. Now get your butt here, someone’s got to help you with make-up. Alicia can you do her hair then?” Angelina got excited and made you sit in front of her to have your make-up done.

“But what will you wear?” Spinnet asked when she finished her job.

“Actually, my mom sent me a dress, which I keep deep in my closet because I knew I won’t go…” You whispered.

“Shut up! And you didn’t tell us?” Angelina exclaimed. “Now it would be extremely dumb not to go. This dress can’t be wasted, put it on!”

You did as they wished, putting on the clothes. You didn’t have the right shoes, so you decided to wear casual black sneakers.

“You look amazing, Y/N” “Yeah, Adrian would’ve been sad if he knew how fine you look tonight.” Girls complimented you. “I bet our friends are waiting in the common room. We should go.”

Lee, Katie, George, Fred, and Alicia’s partner sat by the fireplace talking about something.

“You’re finally here!” Katie shouted smiling wide. “And Y/N! I’m so happy that you’re going. Your dress is phenomenal.” She squealed.

“It’s their fault.” You pointed at Angelina and Alicia. “They persuaded me.”

“That’s good! It’s going to be our night, and you’ll have fun despite Pucey’s absence. I can’t wait!” If Katie could fly, she would do it right now.

“Confidence looks good on you.” George interjected, walking closer to you. You were friends for a couple of years. He was always by your side, along with his twin, but You never bonded with Fred that well as with his younger copy. You got through so much together, that only made your friendship stronger. Frankly speaking, You were quite happy that he was going alone. Since your boyfriend didn’t go at all, You wanted to have someone to talk to.

“Thank you, Georgie. Do you think it would be alright if I tried to check up on Adrian? I’m worried about him and I don’t want to seem selfish.” You changed the subject.

“You know that it’s hard to get to a different gender’s dorm. Not to mention that it’s the slytherin boy’s dorm.”

“I won’t go then. But please try not to joke about slytherins this night. It’s my boyfriend’s house therefore it hurts me a little.”

“Whatever you want.” He didn’t seem to worry, but You were completely serious. His pranks sometimes went too far. Adrian didn’t care bout them, while you personally found them inappropriate. You love George, he’s your best friend, but his hate towards slytherin house and all the members drove you mad. You thought that people are done with stereotypes and generalizing.

“What are you thinking about?” He asked you, seeing that you do not pay attention to what’s happening.

“Nothing important. Let’s head to the table.” You replied, intertwining your hands, taking empty seats next to Fred and Angelina.

“You know guys, we’re gonna dance first, we’ll come to eat later.” Alicia took her partner’s hand and dived into a crowd on the dance floor.

As time went by, Angelina and Fred disappeared as well, showing their moves as if they were taking part in some kind of competition. The next thing You knew is that you and George were left alone by the table because even Katie and Lee were in the mood for a party.

“It would be lame if we stayed there and eat all night. If you will?” George asked for your hand, and you joined your group on the floor. Everything was great, You wanted to thank the girls for making you go, but before You had a chance, a slow song started playing, and people divided into pairs, leaving you and George next to each other.

“You know, I might go check on Adrian, I’m sure he doesn’t want to sit in the dorm all night, and maybe we could talk for a bit.” You panicked, seeing a couple of slytherins looking at you as if they wanted to kill you for spending time with the Weasley. To be honest, You felt uncomfortable with it and you didn’t want to seem careless.

“Just one dance, please? Then you can go.” George pleased.

“Georgie?” You asked, while resting yout head on his arm. “These people are staring, and it makes me very anxious.”

“Maybe we should give them the show that they’re asking for.” George replied and before You could think about a response, he kissed you in your mouth. If felt so strange, yet so good. His lips were so soft, his big hands on your waist were holding you tightly, warm feeling entered your body. You returned the kiss, forgetting about the whole world and people around you, who probably glanced at you, but you couldn’t care until it hit you.

“George, I’ve got a boyfriend.” You almost cried, knowing that now You cheated on Adrian and the whole hall witnessed this.

“And yet you kissed me back.” He smirked, not worrying about it as much as you did.

“I should tell him the truth.” You said to yourself, exiting the ballroom, running in panic to Slytherin’s common room.

“No, Y/N, wait!” George shouted. “I wanted to do it for so freaking long. And you showed me that you might feel the same way about me, you can’t just walk out of the Great Hall and leave me alone. I deserve explanation.”

To say you were furious would be an understatement. How could he make this about him, when clearly You were in worse situation.

“George shut up for a moment! Can’t you see what I did? I let you kiss me, returning it. Don’t you know what people will gossip about? Me. Only me and my bad actions, because t’s always the girl’s fault. I do have to tell him before he finds out from someone else. You have to understand me and for once, give me some time. We’ll talk later, I promise.”

“But I love you. I love you since our second year, and now that I showed my affection and had the courage to make the first move, you’re leaving me. You’re always talking about Adrian. It makes me sick. How can you be with someone like him? He’s bad, like most of the Slytherins plus you must be blind not to see the way he treats you. He’s always so mean, doesn’t like to hold hands with you, does not understand your jokes. But I do. I’m always with you and for you. I’m the one who wipes your tears after he does something stupid, I’m the one who’s wanting the best for you. I’m really fucking mad that you’re with him. I should be your damn boyfriend who can hold your hand forever and will never let go, who will kiss you so passionately until you lose your breath. And I wouldn’t cheat on you as he does. I couldn’t help myself. When we danced, you looked so fucking perfect. You always look like that. And Pucey cheated on you, at least twice. I saw it with my eyes, I swear. I thought about it all the time, wanting to punch his face so bad that his own mother wouldn’t recognize him. No one cheats on a girl like you, Y/N. No one should ever cheat. He managed to do it more than once and I hate him for that.” He admitted, not noticing that You were already crying. “But you know what? If it makes you feel better, you can go to him. I know he’s not sick, he’s sitting with one of his girls, avoiding you, and no doubt, he’s doing more than kissing her. You can see it for yourself if you don’t believe me.” He almost shouted.

“Fine! I will! Even if it’s true, it wasn’t the right time to kiss me in front of that many people! I’m going to be called a whore and no one will protect me, because they saw what we did. It’s not going to be your fault, but I’m blaming you. Because you said no one should ever cheat. And what you did, was the exact opposite. If all boys are like that, then I’m fucking done.” You exclaimed, leaving him outside the common room.

You tried to control my tears, yet you lost your control while you heard weird noises from your boyfriend’s dorm.

“I was so damn stupid that I believed you! Do what you want, asshole, I’m not your girlfriend anymore. As if it mattered anytime.” You screamed, being pissed off at him, yourself, and George. Because his words were true, and you didn’t notice it earlier. You felt so fucking stupid.

You ran through the empty corridors, trying to focus on finding the shortest way to your dorm room. You passed by some couples kissing, but they did not saw you. Or they didn’t want to. You tried not to stare at them too, being in the worst mood you ever could be.

“Do not say a thing Weasley. I want to be alone.” You spoke, seeing George waiting outside your common room, and before the boy could reply, you disappeared at the door.

please reblog and comment because I want to interact with you and the more people are enjoying the story the sooner I’ll write the second part 😊

[troubatrain]

wildfire - b. boeser

a/n: this a repost from my old blog - so for a second time i hope you enjoy!

Summers in Minnesota were your favorite, there was no doubt about it. You could travel around the world three times over and you were positive the lake in your hometown was more important to you than any other wonder of the world. Summer was about lazy days on the water, and this summer, actively avoiding the post graduation real life job search you were going to be on come September. It was late night house parties with the people you’d missed throughout the year, and seeing the one person who made your heart flutter in your chest like no other.

You grip your drink tighter, watching Brock while he works the room. You weren’t surprised when your phone lit up with a text from him about throwing the first party of the summer, it came at the same time every year. He didn’t look much different than he had when you saw him last, his hair a bit longer, his shoulders just a bit broader, but he was still the same. He was walking around his house, greeting guests with his million dollar smile.

“You’re going to do this to yourself again?” Your thoughts are broken by your best friend, Parker, the brunette shaking her head at you, “It’s the same story every year Y/N, you have this romantic summer and come September you both chicken out on letting it last.”

You sigh, knowing your friend was right. It wasn’t that it was Brock’s fault and you could fall under this narrative that he was a player, because it just wasn’t true. Brock was really good to you, and sometimes you thought maybe it could work. But distance was a bitch, and you couldn’t just give your heart to him to have when he’s a million miles away with a schedule that’s as crazy as his.

“I’m not doing it this year,” You say, and even you knew you were lying through your teeth, “It’s not happening.”

You slip out of the room, heading up the stairs to find somewhere quiet to collect your thoughts. You knew you were going to cave the second Brock spoke to you, you always did. He was intoxicating, and he was always there, the same song and dance every summer since you’d been nineteen. It's gotten to the point where you once dumped the guy you’d been seeing because you knew Brock was going to be back home waiting for you. You walk past the bathroom, hearing the sounds of someone hooking up on the other side, and you keep walking into a room you knew all too well.

You slip into Brock’s room, Coolie immediately hopping off the bed and greeting you, his new brother following him to smell you. You sit on the floor, petting both of the dogs until you can hear the door click open.

“I knew I’d find you in here,” Brock chuckles, it wasn’t the first time you’d slipped out of a party to see his dog who’d been finding refuge in his owner's bedroom. Milo trotted over to Brock, his tail wagging in the air with excitement while Coolie remained at your feet, “I think he missed you.”

“I don’t blame him, who’s going to give him treats without telling his dad,” You muse, remembering how many times Brock caught you spoiling his dog, it wasn’t your fault he was cute and you were a sucker. Brock walks over to you, his hand out for you to grab. Your fingers locked with his while he pulled you off the ground, pulling you close enough to feel his breath on you.

“You want to stay tonight?” Brock asks, a smirk gracing his face. It was the way he asked, every summer, and if your answer was yes you knew what else you were agreeing to. Another few months of bliss, followed by a month of heartbreak and tears before you picked yourself up again. You’d mend your own back together only for it to be broken again. Brock nudges you with his nose, his lips ghosting yours, waiting for his answer before he could finally kiss you.

“I’ll stay.”

--

With your declaration of staying that night, you’d fallen into the same pattern you always have. You stayed at Brock’s more than your own house, and you’d been with him almost everyday since that night, much to Parker’s dismay. You were laying out on Brock’s boat, the dogs at your feet while you watched Brock fish on the other side. The view was something else, aside from the beauty of the lake that you were sitting on, you were getting a full view of the muscles on Brock’s back, his summer tan on full display.

“Stop staring at me,” Brock calls out, turning around and smirking at you, “I can feel your eyes boring into me.”

“It’s a good view,” You joke.

“Is that all I’m good for?” Brock jokes back, “I’m just pretty.”

“The prettiest,” You snap back, tucking your nose back into the book you were reading.

“That’s actually you,” Brock says, walking over to you and placing both of his hands on either side of you, leaning over and planting a sweet kiss on your lips, “You’re beautiful.”

Brock’s compliments were cut short by Milo hopping onto your lap and lightly nibbling his owner’s nose for bothering you. While Coolie had always followed you around Brock’s house, Milo had taken a few more days to warm up to you. But, he was on your side now and that meant Brock was public enemy number one.

“I think they’d choose you if they had the chance,” Brock teases, but a part believed it might actually have been true.

You watched Brock walk back over to his fishing pole, and you could have sworn you heard the sound a camera click but you decided to ignore it. That was until there was notification on your phone that Brock had tagged you in his Instagram story. You open it, it was a photo of you with the dogs at your feet, and you turn to Brock who’d been minding his own business. You weren’t mad, it was just that although every one of your friends, and you were pretty sure your families, knew about you and Brock’s weird summer arrangement because it had gotten past the point of trying to hide it, there was never any evidence of it. Aside from the occasional chirp on one of your Instagram posts, it was like you and Brock didn’t even know each other.

“Brock…” You say, dragging out his name and walking over to him, your arms snaking around his waist. You press a light kiss to his back, “Did you really have to do that?”

“Can’t show off my girl and my dogs?” Brock asks, turning back to you and kissing your lips.

“Your girl?” You ask, raising your eyebrows at him.

“Yeah, my girl.”

--

The problem with your arrangement with Brock was that he was actually a decent temporary boyfriend. He kept your favorite flavor of ice cream in his house, he gave you endless hoodies when the temperatures would start to drop, and he held your hand when you were out in public. He never hid whatever was going on between the two of you like it was some shameful secret, and you’re pretty sure that’s why you keep coming back. It just feels so real when you’re together you’d never been able to pull yourself away from him. But then you’d remind yourself that this is temporary, and nothing this perfect could last anyways.

“-I heard that he’s got like three girls in Vancouver,” You hear someone at the table next to your say, and you can feel Parker’s foot kick you under the table to get your attention. They were talking about Brock, and you tried to tune them out but you couldn’t. It ate you up at night, when you’d start to think about what Brock’s life in Vancouver was like. He was young, successful, and the team was playing well. You knew he had girls lined up waiting for their chance with him. You didn’t expect him not to give anyone the time of day, he didn’t belong to you. But the words from the girls next to you had your stomach churning, and you wanted nothing more than to walk over to Brock on the other side of the bar to stake your claim. You weren’t possessive or jealous, well you were, but you didn’t need him to know that. So you stayed in your seat, sipping your drink and eavesdropping about whatever rumor was circling about Brock.

“You’re not going to do anything about that?” Parker asks, her eyebrows raising at you.

“He doesn’t belong to me,” You say, your temper rising by the second, “I’m just going to go.”

You stomp out of the bar with your feet moving as fast as they could. You walked in what you assumed was the direction of your house, but after a few blocks, you’d realized you’d been so upset you didn’t know where you were going. You finally stop hearing a huff behind you.

“I’ve been walking behind you this entire time, how did you not notice me?” Brock breathes out, shaking his head at you, “I could’ve been a murderer.”

You close your eyes, turning away from Brock and continuing on your directionless walk, “Not the time Brock.”

You can feel his large hand wrap around your elbow gently, pulling you closer to him, “What’s up?”

“It’s not important,” You whisper, putting your hand on Brock’s chest to push him away, but your hand just tangles itself into the chain on his neck when his arms tighten around you to keep you in his arms, “Brock…”

“Let’s go home,” Brock says, realizing he isn’t going to get you to budge on opening up to him in the middle of the sidewalk, “Please.”

You nod, and you follow him to his truck that had been parked by the bar. You hop in and ride back to his house in silence. You knew you owed him an explanation as to why you rushed out of the bar with the intent of walking home and crying alone, but you couldn’t tell him without admitting that you were jealous.

The sounds of the dogs barking at the truck pulling into the driveway was the only thing that broke you out of your thoughts. You smile, slipping inside to see the two best boys in your life at the current moment. You watch as they both follow you into Brock’s room, and you grab one of his t-shirts, the Canucks logo on your chest and his number on your shoulder.

“Can you tell me what’s wrong now?” Brock asks, sitting at the edge of his bed, his eyes wandering your body in his clothes. You shake your head no, walking over to him and wrapping your legs around his waist, tucking your head into his neck, “C’mon, Y/N.”

“Just something I heard from the girls that were sitting next to us,” You mutter out, feeling Brock’s hand weaving your hair in an attempt to comfort you, and it was working, “About you, and girls, and your life in Vancouver.”

You can hear Brock sigh, and you didn’t know what you were expecting to hear, “You know, one time when I played the Wild, Parker told me you were at a wedding with some guy you were seeing and that’s why you weren’t in town that day. I couldn’t shake the idea of you with someone else from my brain, and I broke three sticks that game.”

“You were jealous?” You ask, finally picking your head up and looking at him.

“So jealous,” Brock mutters, pecking at your lips, “But then you came home for the summer and so did I and it seemed to work itself out.”

“You’re a good guy Brock,” You say, kissing him slowly, “It’s actually almost a little annoying.”

“You keep coming back though,” Brock chuckles, pulling you closer and flopping back onto his bed.

“I always do.”

--

The Fourth of July was admittedly, Brock’s all time favorite holiday. Every year his annual barbeque seemed to just get bigger, and crazier. This year was no different, you were watching someone set up a giant inflatable water slide that led right into the lake, and in another corner of the yard was a couple of your friends setting up the drinks. The house was decorated elaborately with red white and blue decorations.

“Hey can you put these on the dogs?” Brock asks, chucking two bandanas at you.

You catch the bandanas, laughing to yourself about how they matched the red, white and blue shirt Brock was sporting, the buttons in the front completely undone, “I’m making you take a picture after this.”

“Only if you’re in it too,” Brock says, kissing the side of your head, “A family photo.”

The words sent a shiver down your spine, and can feel a blush creep onto your cheeks. This summer was different than the ones from the past, Brock was unapologetic about the way he felt about you. He was so much more vocal about it than he used to be.

You didn’t see much of Brock that day, mainly because you sure he invited every person he’s ever met to his party. But you spent most of the day mingling with friends, falling into a lengthy conversation with Brock’s sister who’d been trying to pry into what the nature of your relationship was for years. You always gave her the same answer, a small shrug and telling her that you were just friends even though she’d call you out on lie. By the time the sun went down, you were tipsy and you hadn’t seen Brock once all day. Your phone vibrates next to you, pulling you out of your conversation with Parker about the job she’d just interviewed for.

meet me on my balcony in 5

You smile, excusing yourself from the conversation and making your way upstairs to Brock’s bedroom. You slip in, smiling when you see Brock sitting on the edge of his bed, tossing his phone in the air

“C’mon,” Brock smiles, standing up and grabbing your hand and opening the door to the balcony, you both step out and you turn to him with a confused look on your face.

“Why’d you call me up here?” You ask, raising your eyebrows at him.

“It’s the best view for this,” Brock says, pointing to the lake where fireworks had started going off. You weren’t even surprised by the final grand idea Brock had for the Fourth of July. You smile, wrapping your arms around his waist while you watched the colors burst in the sky in front of you, “Too much?” 

“No, it’s perfect.”

--

Elias Pettersson was a bit of an odd guy, but he’d been nothing but kind to you since the moment his plane landed down in Minnesota, a break from his summer in Sweden. Now he was sitting at the large island in Brock’s house, who’d stepped out to head to the store, while you continued with the dinner you were cooking for the three of you.

“So, this actually happens every summer?” Elias asks, grabbing your attention, “I thought Brock was just bullshitting us.”

“Brock talks about me?” You ask, trying to get a grip on exactly how much about your relationship Elias actually knew.

“He does, not to everyone, but when I ask him about his summer he always raves about this girl who he spends it with,” Elias starts, gesturing to you, “I assume that’s you.”

“Is that all he says?” You ask, trying to pry into what Brock was saying about you. You can admit, you wanted to hear every detail so you could overthink it forever. You could torture yourself with knowing whether or not his feelings for you were real or not.

“Is that all who says?” Brock asks, stepping back into the house, dropping the bags on the counter and placing a kiss on your lips.

“Nothing, we were just talking about how much a loser you are,” Elias says, giving you a wink, a secret acknowledgement that your desperate plea for information would be kept between the two of you.

Long after dinner, and a two movies, Elias had headed into the guest room he was staying in and you were sitting on the couch, sipping some tea before bed and reading the rest of the book you’d intended on finishing weeks ago.

“I’m surprised you’re still up,” Brock says, closing the sliding door to the backyard behind him, “You want to tell me what embarrassing things Petey told you before or am I going to have to pry it out of him tomorrow?”

“Nothing embarrassing, he was just asking about us,” You say, smiling at him, “Everyone does Brock.”

“I know,” Brock nods, grabbing the mug out of your hands and sitting next to you on the couch, pulling you into his chest, “Does it bother you? That you don’t have an answer.”

Yes it does. It drives me absolutely insane that I’ve been in love with you for years of my life but I never feel like you’re actually mine.

“No, it doesn’t”

--

The moment Elias left to head back to Europe for the rest of his summer, Brock had been giving you the silent treatment. You’d gone to the airport with them, and with Elias’s last words about how he better see you in Vancouver at least once this fall, Brock had gone mute. He didn’t look at you once on the entire ride back to his house, and now he was moving around his kitchen, moving things that didn’t need to be moved while he continued to ignore you.

“Brock, what the fuck is your problem?” You finally call out, breaking the silence. In all of the years you’d been together, if that’s what you could even call it, you never actually had gotten into more than a small argument. Even then, Brock never gave you the cold shoulder.

“I don’t have a problem,” Brock defends, when there clearly was a problem.

“Is this about what Elias said?” You ask, waiting for an answer but you see how silent Brock had gotten, you knew the answer was yes, “Is the idea of being with me that bad? You can’t even fathom the idea of seeing me when we’re not home? Do you know how that makes me feel?”

“Have you ever thought about how I feel?” Brock shouts back, “Like I have to hear everyone in my life there tell me how fucking wonderful you are and then I have to admit to them that I’m too scared to tell you how I feel? That I love you, so much, but I don’t think I’m enough for you, or that I think you deserve someone who can give you the world but I can’t promise that so I just keep trying to hold onto you the best I can.”

This time, you fell silent. The look on Brock’s face went from tense to the realization of what he actually just said to you. You walk over to him, wrapping your arms around his neck, “I love you too.”

“If you came to Vancouver, I don’t want you to leave,” Brock says, looking at you, his eyes flicking down to your lips while he waits for your answer.

Your futures always seemed like they’d been heading in the same direction. That Brock was your right person, wrong time relationship. But one day, you always imagined things would work out, and you’d finally have a light at the end of the tunnel. Moving to a new city could be a risk, but Brock had been the biggest constant in your life, and there wasn’t a doubt that if you left with him - he’d never let you go.

“I’ll go.”