#although it could be the meds idk lol

[hostess-of-horror]

I'm currently in the process of drawing my Grim Reaper OC with King Candy, and while I take a break from that, I figured I'd just put down all of the things I came up with while researching and drawing:

My Grim Reaper OC will be simply named "Death" (full name is The Angel of Death). I tried to come up with some candy-themed name since they're mostly in Sugar Rush according to some lore, but in the end, I realized there was no need for them to disguise themselves.

Death is nonbinary and genderfluid, and they go by any pronoun (He/She/They/It). This is because their appearance drastically changes whenever they enter a specific arcade game. For example, Death in Sugar Rush is a feminine saint-like figure dressed in various sweets that were made as offerings to the dead or eaten during funerals.

They are very much a psychopomp, guiding dead characters or players back to their respective games after losing a life. With unplugged games and the gameless, Death simply takes them to The Endgame, the Arcade's equivalent to the Underworld.

The Endgame is basically a more simplified take on Helheim from Norse Mythology. Unlike the Christian Heaven or Hell or any similar afterlife, it is not a place of reward or punishment but instead a place for the dead to congregate. Death, just like the Norse Goddess Hel, watches over the Endgame, keeping track of both the dead and the living.

Death's moral alignment is Chaotic Neutral. It does not matter if the deceased in question is a hero or a villain, it's all the same to them. With this mindset, they tend to be accepting toward anyone and everyone they meet. Personality-wise, they are, in TV Tropes terms, "Creepy Cute" and "Scary Good." Think Emily from Tim Burton's Corpse Bride and Trevor Henderson's Long Horse.

Death as a Reaper has the power of sensing one's aura. This aura is not visible to the eye but rather a physical feeling. The stronger the aura is, the more intense Death feels. When a character or player's aura is strong, the chance of them dying goes higher. In Turbo/King Candy's case, his aura is 100%. This ability makes Death extremely passionate (and obsessed) for King Candy.

Discovering someone whose aura is 100% is a rare sight. Usually, auras fluctuate between different players/characters between 20% to 80% (give or take). 100% is essentially a drug to Death. King Candy's aura emits so much energy that they are always needing a fix. Guess you can call it a... "Sugar Rush".

Now, here's where things get complicated: once Death feels one's aura, that feeling will not go away until they have reaped their soul. King Candy - Turbo - had been 100% since the RoadBlasters Incident. He should have died in his petty stunt to achieve popularity. He should have been another unplugged soul, for if he was, the insatiable, dreadful, wonderful hunger would finally cease. It's like smelling the aroma of a searing steak and never getting a taste. But alas, Death did not reap his soul.

Why did Death spare King Candy? The shorter, simpler answer is loneliness. The longer answer is that Turbo/King Candy is the closest thing to Death's equal. He did something so terribly taboo, so fatal, and he succeeded. Turbo had become a reaper of souls the very moment he invaded RoadBlasters.

I don't know if this counts as spoilers (Wreck-It-Ralph came out in 2012), but after his demise, King Candy finds himself in the Endgame and meets the Turbo Twins and RoadBlasters for the first time in over a decade. Vengeance ensues until Death, in their True Form, takes him down into their domain. His fate? Being Death's Favorite BoyToy for all eternity./j/silly

EDIT: Death does not come from an existing arcade game within the WIR Universe nor a fanmade one! They are a separate thing entirely, which gives them the ability to game hop without "Going Turbo." Does that make Death OP? Yes, because it's The Grim Reaper!

@sneklover @starleska @snailstrailz @tiramegtoons/ @sliceoflifesalami @shadowyone

[thegamingcatmom]

Hi, it is me <3 I love the Tanya content but I am thirsty for some Irina stuff (can't help myself I have my fav sister :p)

I was wondering a few things bc I wanna know everything but I will settle for this:

How far Irina would go for you? And how affectionate is her? (Like does she like to cuddle, is she a touchy person? Idk all the sappy stuff, gimme gimme!)

Thank you ❤️❤️

Hellaw. 🫶🫶

(And that´s absolutely valid. ❤️)

How far Irina would go for you?

...

Stare at it all you want, it´s not gonna stop anytime soon.

I think the easier question here would be: How far wouldn´t she go?

It´s easy because the answer is simple: It doesn´t exist. The answer, I mean.

I don´t think words could express the love she feels, the things she´d do for you. Her love is timeless and all-encompassing. Tanya might have fallen first, but Irina fell the hardest. You know I consider her the most maternal of them, and you also know a mother´s love is considered the strongest of em all? Mix that with her undying love as your mate and you might be halfway there. Honestly.

When Irina loves, it´s with everything she´s got. She´s a romantic through and through, and although she might not be able to enjoy human things the way you do, that won´t stop her from going all out on it, regardless.

It doesn´t matter where you two are or what you´re doing - as long as she´s with you, it couldn´t be more perfect.

Irina the Romantic

She´s gonna arrange candle light dinners at your favorite spot high up in the mountains near a cliff that overlooks the whole of Denali national park. This is also where you shared your very first kiss.

Ye, all the way up there.

There´s trees surrounding the spot, which she´s decorated with fairy lights. She´s got patio heaters set up all around to make sure her little human mate will be all nice and cozy at all times - she ain´t taking any chances with accidently getting you sick. Then, she´ll serve you your favorite food, tell you stories about the old days or her further plans for the two of you, or just silly things to make you laugh. If you´re not busy holding your cutlery, she´ll be the one to occupy that space. With her own hand. Fitting like a puzzle piece.

She wants you to have the time of your life. <3

Irina the Caretaker

You´re feeling unwell or just having a really shitty day in general? Say no more-

She´s gonna run the two of you the best of baths, setting up candles all around - your favorite fragrance, ofc. There´s so much foam, it makes you feel like you´re floating on cloud nine. Depending on your well-being, she´ll have some snacks prepared for you as well - chocolate, fruit, crackers. You name it, you shall receive it. Ofc she´s got meds and the softest of tissues ready as well, should you require anything. She´s put on some nice music in the background, so soothing you almost fall asleep. However, she knows how much you love her singing voice. If that is what you wish, she´ll sing you the sweetest of lullabies.

She´s gonna be so very affectionate with you as well. Massaging those stiff shoulders, kissing along every inch she can reach, running her hands through your hair. She´s gonna take a bath sponge and run it along your arms, your back, down your belly, along your legs - so tender in her care for you. Ofc she´s also gonna wash your hair for you, she knows how much you enjoy that - mewling and purring for her like a kitten. ;3

She´ll do anything to make her babygirl feel better. <3

Irina the Protector

I mean-

I think that look says it all.

No matter if it´s some random ass person or the family - she´ll protect you and your honor at all costs. People get snappy with you, or downright hurt you with their words? She´s gonna rip into them (with words, ofc....she´s tempted, though), and she´s gonna make them regret they´ve opened their foul mouths in the first place. At some point, she´ll probs switch to Slovak in all her rage, not even realizing ppl don´t understand a word she says, lol. (She´s adorable.)

If all talking doesn´t help, she´ll simply throw them the deathliest of stares. That always works.

Okay, but what if it´s not just words anymore? What if someone actually put their hands on you?

Oh, oh boy, holy-

Dead. Or well on their way there, at least. Usually, she´s not one for drawing out the inevitable, but in this case she´ll make an exception. She´ll thoroughly enjoy making them suffer, just as they did you. She´ll enjoy every scream and whimper, until all that´s left is sweet, sweet silence.

She´ll make sure you´re far away first, though. Not because she thinks you might despise or fear her, but because she doesn´t wish to expose you to any sort of violent display. Not if she can help it. She doesn´t wish for you to suffer night terrors, and she also knows the view might be a bit too much for your sensitive stomach to handle.

However, you might just be able to convince her to show mercy...perhaps. If you ask nicely. Very nicely. >;3

I´m sorry for the late reply, but I hope this makes up for the wait a lil bit. <33

Thanks a lot for your ask. ❤️❤️

[crippleprophet]

hi i was wondering if you or any of your followers had tips for dealing with chronic muscle pain (specifically hip and knee).

nothing i’ve tried has seemed to help (pt, otc pain meds, ice, heat, rest, acupuncture, cbd lotion, epson salt baths, stretching). and i’ve peen told that the only pain meds that would help would be narcotics (which i can’t take due to family).

also everybody has seemed to circle back to “it’s because of your mental health that everything is shit”. and doctors refuse to do any tests past moving my legs around and poking at them.

so i will try almost anything. thank you

i’m so sorry you’re dealing with this, i have chronic muscle pain & i know it can easily be so debilitating. regardless of whether there’s a relationship with stress or whatever, your physical symptoms should still be fucking treated! the abject cruelty of not managing your pain aside, it’s almost like it’s harder to handle mental experiences when you’re in pain all the time… you don’t deserve this bullshit & i’m really sorry 🖤

i am suspicious of your being told that only narcotics would help tbh — i don’t doubt that many folks need narcotics to effectively treat their pain, & opioids have definitely been the most effective treatment for me when i have access to them (although more for nerve stuff than muscle) but there are definitely medications you haven’t been offered yet that might be helpful.

idk if you suspect that your muscle pain may be related to chronic illness but my muscle pain (including what was dismissed as untreatable fibromyalgia symptoms) improved dramatically when i got on an immunosuppressant (hydroxychloroquine in my case). if you haven’t gotten a basic rheumatology blood panel done by your GP it could be worth a shot as my elevated inflammatory markers led to that prescription even though i’m definitely underdiagnosed.

i’m also like, really pissed nobody’s given you a muscle relaxer jesus christ. i’m on 4mg tizanidine from my PCP & it’s been immensely helpful for my muscle pain, i choose to take it probably once a week because it’s more effective at knocking me out all night that way lol but i also use it as a rescue medication when i’m having severe cramps. really helpful to just get a fucking break & some decent sleep every so often. in that thread i’m planning to ask about starting prazosin at my next appointment, it’s prescribed for nightmares (which i def have lol) but can prompt a certain level of muscle relaxation which is part of how it helps with sleep

idk if this is an option for you due to family etc but delta8 (weed equivalent that’s technically legal in the US) has been vital for managing my own pain. expensive as shit but so it goes.

idk if you already use a mobility aid or if that’s an option for you but it could be worth looking into! redirecting some of the force applied to your muscles might make things like walking easier or could help with balance if you experience sudden weakness / cramps.

super depends on your situation but it could be worth paying attention to your feet as well, getting plantar fasciitis house shoes vastly improved my knee-hip-back pain, knees in particular. mine was more joint related than muscular but from studying biomechanics it’s all interrelated & from my perspective anything that helps may make it a bit easier to keep going until you find a better long-term solution. so even if it doesn’t seem related to your pain if there’s anything that might make your life easier right now i encourage you to consider it!

other folks feel free to respond with things that have been effective for you! i really hope you find some solutions that make things more bearable for you 💓💓

[naniskys]

Get to Know Me Tag :)

Thanks for the tag @cornflowershade and @qt-qtoey !! <33

do you make your bed? very rarely lol, i can't be bothered most days 🫡

what's your favourite number? 7

what is your job? i do private tutoring + work at a tutoring place

if you could go back to school, would you? uhh i mean i'm still in uni, med school's rough so idk if i'd wanna ever come back 😭 Although i took a linguistics unit once and it was rlly interesting, maybe i'd like to go back at some point (in the very distant future) to do more of that for fun :))

can you parallel park? nope, still on my learners and i haven't gotten around to learning lol

a job you had that would surprise people? hmm honestly haven't had any particularly surprising jobs? just the regular minimum wage retail stuff <//3

ooh but if we go with something adjacent that people would find surprising, i think irls would be very shocked to know that i write fanfic 😂

do you think aliens are real? Potentially? I feel like there's surely something somewhere out there, idk in what capacity though

can you drive a manual car? nope

what's your guilty pleasure? nothing's a guilty pleasure if you're shameless enough about your interests 😌

tattoos? i like the idea of them but i don't think i'll ever get one :)

favorite color? purple!! hence all the question colours hehehe

favorite type of music? osts of whichever show/movie i'm watching at the moment, that's pretty much the only music i've been listening for the last 2-ish years 😭 i guess most of that will count under pop music!

do you like puzzles? yesss!!! i love any and all types of puzzles <33

any phobias? idk if it's a phobia but i'm definitely NOT a fan of bugs/creepy crawlies, pls stay away from me 🙏🙏

favorite childhood sport? ahahaha i hated sports class with a passion all throughout school 😪 but i liked watching swimming and tennis a lot, i still keep up with tennis sometimes !!

do you talk to yourself? mostly just in my head, i'm surrounded by people most of the time so i wouldn't wanna talk out loud lol

what movies do you adore? i'm not rlly a big movie person, but some movies i've rewatched many times: Tenet, Tell Me How I Die (it's this horror movie with Ryan Higa of nigahiga fame that i was obsessed with when it first came out because i was going through a nigahiga phase 😩), Barbie and the Diamond Castle (the og barbie movies stay superior 💯💯), We Are Champions (only watched this recently, it's a taiwanese movie with my fav fandy fan in it <3 it's a very solid sports movie :))

coffee or tea? Coffee !!! although i like tea too. iced coffee and iced tea ftw

first thing you wanted to be growing up? i don't rlly remember? probably author or teacher :)

tagging @dramalets @xinhua-jun @kess-in-the-perthchimzone @quodekash @buckystilinski @gaiaxygang @moeblobmegane @telomeke @dropthedemiurge + anyone else who sees this, no pressure !! :D

[jjtheresidentbaby]

OOOUUUUGH JJ!!! you write for fnaf now?? TOTALLY STELLAR!

i just watched the movie recently and although i had my doubts at first i actually enjoyed it a lot looking back lol.

i see you’ve written for regressor vanessa, and idk if you’d write for regressor Mike but if do you and your requests are open could i request a fic like that?

totally fine if you don’t wanna!!

— 🐝 (old anon lol)

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Better with You ໒꒱ ⋆ﾟ⊹

|| mike schmidt x vanessa shelly

a/n: omg 🐝 ahh I’ve missed you!!! hope you’ve been good and thank you for blessing me with a little!mike ask <3 I couldn’t find a solid date for when the movie takes place but the late 90s-2000s is the most common answer so I went with that when choosing the movie they watch (it’s Balto 2)

warnings: little!mike, cg!vanessa, mike’s a lil insecure about regressing but it’s v brief, mentions of little!vanessa, mentions of nightmares & canon events, pet names

-

“I still don’t know about this Vanessa.” Mike says with hesitation clear as day on his face, sitting across from Vanessa on the couch, the remote sitting untouched between them. Vanessa had suggested maybe Mike try regressing for a bit while Abby is off at Ness’ for the night, they’ve talked about it before with Vanessa’s own regression as a jumping point, but Mike’s still nervous.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but I’m still putting this kids movie on.” A smile breaks across Mikes face as Vanessa plucks the remote from the empty cushion and hits play.

He isn’t sure what movie this is but Abby made Vanessa take her to see it in theaters and both girls fell in love with it, Mike would’ve gone but Abby had deemed it a “girls trip” so tonight will be the first time he’s seeing it. It’s an animated movie with dogs, or maybe they’re wolves, Mike can’t really tell but he also doesn’t really care, he likes it either way. And he likes it even more when Vanessa coaxes him to lay down with his head in her lap.

“Where are they?” He asks and is a little taken back by how wobbly and pitchy his voice sounds. It sounds similar to how Vanessa sounds when she’s regressed— oh.

“Alaska, that’s why there’s so much snow.” That makes sense. Vanessa’s hand threads into Mikes hair, her fingers lightly brushing back and forth, he gets kind of lost in the feeling.

The sound coming from the tv is still there but he can’t quite focus on it, almost feeling sleepy as he curls up closer to Vanessa. She murmurs something he doesn’t catch and smiles softly down at him, he likes how safe she feels. It’s not a new feeling by any means, since the first night they met Mike had felt an odd security around her, but it’s different tonight, stronger in a way. There’s some layer of trust that he’s letting her in on, the same one that comes out when she shushes his nightmares away or holds his hand extra tight when they walk past woods with Abby.

“You tired bud?” Vanessa’s voice is gentle and honey like, pulling Mike from his thoughts as he turns to look up at her.

“No, wanna finish the movie.” She gives a small laugh and moves her thumb across Mikes forehead to brush his messy hair away.

“I’m sure Balto will still be there in the morning.” Something akin to a groan leaves Mikes throat, it’s more of a whine, not that he’ll ever admit it.

“Five more minutes? Please ‘Nessa?” Her lips twist up and eyes lift to the ceiling for a moment, the longest moment of Mike’s life if you ask him, before she’s nodding shortly in agreement.

“Five more minutes then teeth and bed.” It earns her another groan but it’s only halfhearted, Mike’s too busy turning back towards the tv to really be annoyed about the prospect of having to go to bed. He thinks he’ll actually get some good sleep tonight, he feels relaxed in a way he hasn’t felt in years, even better than back when he was taking those sleeping meds; and Vanessa’s also here. He always sleeps better when Vanessa’s there with him.

“I sleep better with you too sweetheart.” Oh did he say that aloud?

“Mhm, someone’s tired.” It’s said with a sing-song tone that Mike pouts at.

“Am not.”

[left-for-carrion]

blog tags:

roach's mutt - stuff about me being a mutt/petplay

roach's angel - stuff about me being an angel

roach's god - stuff about me being a god/my worshippers

roach's scars - my own cutting stuff, please block this tag if you don't wish to see that sort of thing

roach's rambles - just random stuff not particularly kink related

roach's doctor - med kink stuff

roach's stalker - stalking fantasy stuff

roach's robot - robotic kink stuff

roach's killer - gore/snuff stuff. block if you don't want to see that

DNI:

Minors, please don't get me arrested dudes

Pro-contact zoophiles [petplay/people who identify as animals are welcome]

Pro-contact pedophiles [ageplay, fauxcest welcome]

People who sexualize disorders they don't have

RadFem

Homophobes/LGBTQ+ophobes

Transphobes

Anti-therian/anti-kin

Zionists

People who support Israel/Are against Palestine

!Warning!

This blog is fucking heavy, sh, gore, stalker stuff, ect. exists here.

Don't like, don't look. Don't say I didn't warn you. Buzz off if you don't wanna be friends or exist peacefully with me.

There is self-harm thrown throughout this, though nothing from minors. If I reblog something made by a minor and you notice, please tell me. I have no wish to interact with minors. And I do self harm myself, so there will be pictures of that. If you don't want to see that and still wanna interact, block the tag: roach's scars

I will continuously edit this, so always check if there's something you wanna know or feel free to ask, I don't bite [without permission]

I'm Roach on this blog, usually Opium on anon. If you came looking and see this, hi, you found me <3

I'm the god of mutilation of the self and others, your angel [if you want] and a mutt that needs to be put down.

I'll put the rules and tags for that below once I've made a post for how to handle those. Ask things if you've encountered me before I've made it, I promise I won't get grumbly-

I'm really off-putting and aware of it, just not sure how to fix it, I apologize :']

Figured I should make an about me post, so here goes:

I use it/its only, agender, pansexual, poly

Not dating anyone and open to anyone even if I am. [Although, if you want me all to yourself, you better tell me quick <3]

I'm mainly T4T, but not exclusively

Sometimes a mutt [Kin/Complex]

Sometimes a God [Kin/Complex]

Sometimes an angel [Kin/Complex]

Always open to roleplay

Fantasy/Scene stalker [CNC]

An absolute slut for fighting kinks <3

Feel free to bring up a kink and ask, I'm into so much that it's really hard to list all of them :']

I do do pictures/nudes, only in PMs and with people I genuinely trust. Earn them <3

I have ADHD, BPD, severe anxiety, and several undiagnosed things. I am nonverbal irl.

I'm a service dom, which means anything I do is tailored for you, and idk what kind of sub I am, I don't get to sub much because I get too anxious to ask lol. I power bottom most of the time, but I also like topping. I don't bottom when I sub unless we've worked up to that level.

Kinks list: [Faves in bold] [Not complete, anything not in dni is open]

Fighting/Arena/Ring

Worship

Cannibalism

Petplay

Robot/Objectum*

Medical

Intoxication

Fauxcest

Public

Role reversal

Overstimulation

Edging

Piss, anything related to piss

Stalker/Stalking

Woundfucking

Snuff

Body modification

CNC [The word rape is allowed, I don't personally use it much however]

Object Insertion

Knife Play

I'm open to anything not in my dni's, so feel free to send me whatever, this is just what I could think of. I'll probably add to it over time.

I do participate in fandom, I know I know, so disappointing, so occasionally I reblog/talk about things from:

Hannibal NBC

Ultrakill

i'll add more later my mind is blank

*With Objectum, I'm into almost anything mechanical, and any range of Robot, but I'm also into Plushies. So, Plushophilia.

[wild-moss-art]

If Dimitri can't taste anything, do you think he enjoys alcohol?

Almost definitely, I mean one of the worst things about drinking alcohol is the taste! So he would get all the fun without the drawback of the taste(though he could still get hungover so there are some drawbacks). Although, he'd have to be careful to not overdo it due to his mental health issues. You def have to be more careful, and if it were like a modern au I imagine he'd be on some meds that would limit his alcohol consumption(maybe even in canon- some kind of magical medication that worked the same way? idk). In conclusion, I think he would enjoy it! He would just have to know his limits, just like anyone I suppose lol.

[spookyrobbins]

Arizona who can't operate anymore after the plane crash - would be so interesting. Although I'm not so sure it would be so easy for her to accept it. I guess it also depends on why exactly she can't operate anymore - is it because she ended up in a wheelchair or she "just" has an injured hand and can't hold a scalpel anymore, but can still do more basic tasks with it. But either way, while I agree that it wouldn't destroy her like it would Cristina or Derek, I still think that she'd struggle a lot and maybe never completely come to terms with it. Remember how she basically came alive after she went back to work and was able to perform a surgery. Anyway, I wonder what she'd end up doing. Maybe just a regular pediatrician?

i think if i was going for this i’d maybe give her some sort of hand injury? bc i think she could maybe still operate in a wheelchair. not 100% sure about that but that’s my initial instinct. or maybe some sort of shoulder injury that caused nerve damage so her hand isn’t steady enough anymore.

in a weird way, i think the option just being completely gone would almost make it easier. like if it’s just a situation of “it’s never getting better there is no solution” there’s nothing to work for, to fight for. it just is. and that’s hard too, im not negating that. but just sometimes i think a final answer is easier to accept and handle than a process and more nebulous result.

but i do think she’d always miss surgery and it’d be this missing part of her. and she might avoid the hospital or even watching surgery for a while.

idk if she’d become a pediatrician since she seemed to not be that complimentary towards them lol.

my first thought was maybe teaching since she always one of the better teachers at the hospital. she could work as a professor or whatever at the med school. i could see her being good at that.

[mischiefmanifold]

since you’re level 2 can I ask if my experience sounds similar to yours? im trying to figure out which level I am and everyone says different things abt each. i am med? support needs and do need help with BADLS, change has always been distressing for me, verbal loss episodes I think, in general knowing what to say and translating my thoughts into sentences can be hard and social interaction is hard, hard to not just say the same things all the time bc idk how to respond and how to rlly make a friend even after knowing a. Person for years so I only have three/four, I rarely talk sometimes and am rlly quiet and hard to not be quiet and extremely shy, extreme sensory issues, flat effect, big introspection issues, don’t know what counts as being able to masking or not bc even if I could try I know I don’t come off “normal” all the time although to some (who don’t realize the behavior is off bc they’re also autistic or have adhd lol), aaah etc etc idk could u tell me some about your experience?

Some of My Autism Symptoms (From a Level Two Autistic)

Extremely poor interoception (I regularly piss myself and can't control my bladder, as well as not being able to tell when I'm hungry or have to use the bathroom)

Incredible difficulty forming thoughts into words and even separating thoughts

Frequent periods where I can't speak at all, and when I can speak it's hard for me to sound coherent without LOTS of scripting

Meltdowns from very small things such as touching the wrong texture

I have panic attacks or meltdowns when plans change suddenly or without my input

I accidentally eat too much food because I can't tell when I'm full

I can't identify sarcasm in others and also can't use it correctly myself

My repetitive behaviors are so bad I regularly injure myself (I bite my nails past the start of my fingers, causing bleeding and infection, meltdowns cause bruises and scratches)

When having meltdowns I become a danger to myself and anyone in my vicinity (I once threw books all over my room because a plan had changed)

I have only had two or three real friends in my entire life

I do not initiate social interactions unless I am speaking about my special interest (at which point I will not shut up)

Poor affect and ability to match my facial expressions to specific emotions or situations

I have such big issues with food that I can only eat like seven different textures/flavors of food (ARFID is a bitch)

Even if I try to hide my autism symptoms, I am still noticeably autistic

[amistytown]

about the anxiety!! I have generalized anxiety, was diagnosed in the ER bc I had bad chest pain for a week and it was all bc I was anxious lol

I have had that kind of tunnel vision with mine before too, it doesn't happen often but it is really scary!

here recently I also had to go to the hospital twice because my anxiety (at least, as far as we know that's what it is) caused most of my body to tingle and be a bit numb (like? when you sit on your leg for too long? like that) for almost 2 weeks straight and while it isn't bad anymore I'm still having a little bit of problems with it-

sorry, I'm not trying to rant, I just know it's nice to know someone else experiencing similar problems. basically, what the doctor told me is that anxiety is so op and does a lot of stuff to your body so it very well could be that, but if you get worse or it doesn't go away it wouldn't hurt to see a doctor. idk where you live, I know I can't really afford to see a doctor most of the time so I understand that seeing one can be hard for some people, but it's better to be safe than sorry!

but!! what you experienced just sounds like a really bad anxiety attack, obviously I'm not a doctor but I have dealt with something similar before and if you already know your anxiety was bad then I think you have nothing to worry about.

idk what helps you but when I get tunnel vision like that, when I'm able to safely get up and walk around, going outside and getting some fresh air really helps me afterwards. I hope you start feeling better!

Thank you for messaging! It's comforting to know I'm not alone although I hate that other people have to deal with such terrible anxiety too. It's awful. I can't believe the impact it not only has on your mind but your body too. It literally feels like death sometimes.

Before I started my meds I suffered from horrible chest pain and heaviness. I've also dealt with numbness and tingly, and it's terrifying! I'd get it randomly in the weirdest places. During my panic attack my hands felt numb and tingly. I've experienced it in my arms, legs, and face!

I have a lot of health anxiety, which has gotten better since I've started taking meds, but when I experience these symptoms I definitely think I'm dying, whether it's from a heart attack, stroke, etc. Just now I worried I was having a stroke or had a mini-stroke even though my symptoms went away after I took my anxiety pill and managed to calm down some. Definitely trying not to Google it because I know that will make me feel worse lol.

Tunnel vision is so scary! I'm glad I don't get it often. It almost feels like I'm losing my vision? Peripheral blindness and spotty vision, but I know the body does strange things when it thinks you're in danger. It doesn't help that I think something is seriously wrong and vividly imagine myself being rushed to the ER in an ambulance.

I feel completely zapped of energy and tired. Still a little anxious but calming down. Crazy how fast it happens. I was getting ready to go out and it hit me out of nowhere.

And I'm sorry you're been dealing with so much. Even if I can't reply right away, feel free to message me if you want to talk about it. I hope you're doing well today, and thank you again for the message and advice. It made me feel a lot better and replying took my mind off things.

[idk-i-want-mcl-content]

this seems like fun, but I'm not tagging to not annoy people.

1. A Barbie Mariposa screencap because I love her.

2. Those are the two loves of my life but, I prefer salty things over sweets so I'm gonna go w cheese.

3. No

4. Idk the song but I'm sure it was from Conan Gray.

5. yes yes and as anything I have ever written, is unpublished.

6. No, I never understood how to use it. To be fair I haven't like really really try but idk, it doesn't appeal to me.

7. bro I wish but I just have like the ones for your typical earrings. I wanna get one on my nose but if that ever happens, my mom's going to cut my nose off so, you know, it isn't really an option rn.

8. I say that they are really pretty or really friendly.

9. Your classic chocolate chips one. I really like that one. But if like any cookie, maybe an Orisky.

10. Dog person absolutely. I adore them, dogs can be so dumb. My dog was really dumb.

11. Neither because I don't like to listen to videos/music that close, I'm not used to it on general. But maybe earbuds, they are more convenient for traveling to university.

12. I said "No no, siéntese siéntese" (no no, you can sit there) to a man on the bus because I was almost at my stop and he was offering me the sit.

13. I sleep with a night light because tmc traumatized me just enough. But it isn't like, a lamp there are just fairy light I bought on like, Dollar city for homework and hang on my bookshelf.

14. Night owl for sure, I specifically choose to have classes on the morning so I wouldn't just sleep pass it lol.

15. My bed because my room is really dark because the window doesn't get like, any sun. There's just another wall in front of it and I have like a clothes rack inside and in front of it so yeah.

16. Yes indeed. I'm panromantic and demisexual.

17. ¿Ya nos vamos? (Wanna go home?) (Because I always want to be just at my home, public places are overwhelming sometimes)

18. Shorts supremacy (my country has only like, one season and its eternal summer. Eventually we get rain but istg)

19. I don't go to Starbucks bestie.

20. Slimy and gross green.

21. Economically speaking my laptop, for sentimental reasons family photos from post on Facebook my mom has.

22. COFFEE FOR HE WIIIIIIN. I drink two cups of coffee a day, no fail. It's the only thing that it's stable on my routine.

23. I don't really know.

24. Not much, less than two years.

25. Water.

26. I don't have one honestly, because I don't have the money.

26. social researcher, I think it's important.

27. Single and not interested. Although I admit I like some cute people, I don't wanna date anyone because it seems kind of exhausting.

28. I have this really loose flower tank top my grandmother bought for me ages ago, and some random shorts. Peak comfort. Oh, and my flip flops of course.

29. I know a lot of songs but on the top of my head, porcelain by mxmtoon.

30. Dark brown.

31. A lot, and I never shut up.

32. Yes sometimes. But it's just like some simple eyeshadow and eyeliner. I don't like blush on me and idk I haven't found the right shade of lipstick that I want. (Also because I'm not used to it I feel like I would look like a clown w lipstick)

33. That I'm really smart and that they are proud of me, because it helps med value what I have achieved, because I do forget lol I'm always thinking about what else I could have done to improve the result of what I have done.

34. Every 4*townie I follow.

~ 💖 ASK GAME 💖 ~

📷 What’s set as your phone’s lockscreen?

🍫 Cheese or chocolate?

✨ Do you have any nicknames?

🎵 Last song you listened to?

✏️ Have you ever written fanfiction?

😏 Are you on discord?

 💛 Do you have any piercings?

🐰 What do you think says the most about a person?

🍪 If you were a cookie, what kind would you be?

🐶 Are you more of a dog person or a cat person?

🎧 Headphones or earbuds?

🌼 What’s the last thing you said out loud?

🙃 What’s a weird fact that you know?

🦉 Are you a morning person or a night owl?

🧸 Favorite place to nap?

🏳️‍🌈 Are you a member of the LGBTQIA+ community?

🦋 Describe yourself in three words.

👖 Jeans or sweatpants?

🥤 What’s your go-to Starbucks order?

🧡 A color you can’t stand?

💎 What’s your most prized possession?

☕ Coffee or tea?

🦖 Favorite extinct animal?

🌙 How long have you been on tumblr?

🌴 Desert island item?

🐸 Describe your aesthetic.

🔮 What’s your dream job?

💙 Relationship status?

🌿 Describe your favorite outfit.

🎤 Is there a song you know all the lyrics to?

🤎 What color is your hair?

💌 Do you talk to yourself?

💄 Do you wear makeup?

🌸 Best compliment you ever received?

💞 @ your favorite blog.

Reblogs are appreciated!

[facetsofthecloset]

I have been thinking a lot about vampires and my recent ADHD diagnosis and now I’m thinking about vampirism as a metaphor for ADHD (though I’m sure I’m not the first person to make this comparison)

(Warning for personal mental health rambling and suicide mentions) (also blood bc vampires)

The bulk of it is the constant…aching. The world feels like sandpaper on my brain, always and forever, unless I have something distracting me or keeping me focused.

(Or possibly if I get medication. Which I have not yet because did you know Adderall and other stimulant ADHD meds are straight up banned in Japan bc it’s potentially abusable?!?!? I had no idea the laws were THAT fucking draconic bc I’m not really a drug person personally. Like obviously I knew about pot being illegal but ADDERALL?? I’m 100% certain based on personal experience with suicide ideation caused by chronic understimulation that this is a factor in Japan’s high suicide rate!!!! I literally get suicidal when I’m hungry and I’m sure that’s due at least in part to the emotional disregulation and difficulty identifying emotions/triggers, although I need to discuss that with my psychiatrist next time!)

Lots of vampire stories/lore touch on the hunger for blood in kind of similar terms, or at least in ways that aren’t too far off.

A deep down, uncontrollable and insatiable longing, a drive that can cause you to fixate on achieving a goal that you think will satisfy you, yet every success has a hollowness at its core bc you KNOW that satiation is temporary?

A drive that can be destructive and detrimental to you and everyone around you if you’re not careful or always mindful?

A need that can be overpowering, intoxicating, pushing you to temptation and impulse, or subtle and pervasive and creeping in the background?

Familiar, right?

At least vampires know there’s one answer that will satisfy them every time, even if it’s temporary. People with ADHD have to jump from stimulus to stimulus, spending so much energy just searching for a solution, never knowing what might do the trick.

Or having something that works today be a useless dried out husk tomorrow.

Then there’s the tendency of ADHD folks to be night owls—not always of course, but I think it’s relatively common? Or at least having irregular/unaligned-to-broader-society sleep schedules. Oh, and schedules, who ever heard of a vampire with schedules? (Don’t @ me I’m sure there are plenty of examples in media 😂, but I’m talking your stereotypical pop culture Dracula [and not to actual book Dracula since that guy actually seems to have had a schedule or at least an agenda lol])

Discworld vampires who take up the Black Ribbon (a vow to not drink human blood for those who don’t know) do it by switching their fixation on drinking blood to something else—explicit textual examples being light (in practice photography)(Otto Chriek my beloved) and coffee (don’t let the beans run out). I think you can argue this as more of a special interest than hyperfixation, but they’re along similar lines.

You can also talk about the social isolation. It’s not always true but plenty of people with ADHD have a hard time in general society bc the way we think doesn’t align. Vampiric isolation tends to be more along the lines of not wanting to live near something that could and would kill you so obviously not a one to one there, but there’s also lots of media that depict sympathetic vampires who WANT to be part of society “normally” but can’t bc people don’t understand them and thus don’t want them around.

I don’t really know how to end this, it’s just something I was thinking about today. I’ve always liked vampires as a concept but never thought about the need for blood as the main appeal—but maybe subconsciously I was relating to it?

Idk I’m dizzy and tired and want the sandpaper to go away. I’m gonna go play around with my vampire OC lol

[eligalilei]

More Extensive Redditversations on Psychtogenesis:

Person A:

Truthfully, APs are really only effective in treating hallucinations. They don’t treat much else. No pill is going to stop you from holding a fixed false belief in the face of all contrary evidence.

My psychiatrist won’t even prescribe APs if you don’t hallucinate. Maybe a low dose of seroquel Person B:

Idk about that, maybe to some degree but I was out here thinking skin walkers were real, in an alternate reality, while they showed up as anything here, there they looked like shadow creatures that took control of people’s bodies. I was the prophet of that reality who couldn’t be touched by them, while I could telepathically speak with anyone and any living organism. Including god, zeus, animals, etc.

It wasn’t until I was on my way to my PO’s office, I was talking to all of them, but specifically one, he was the devil, I was Jesus, came to an agreement to work together, only for me to betray him by speaking with the others and discovering we were just schizophrenics that need meds, and as the realization came, all the people in my head left, leaving just me and “the devil”, who turned out to be my brother. Then it was a matter of getting him help, him being a long term user of fentanyl and others, was in rehab. He didn’t want to get help, we were in a shared psychosis. Only to finally discover after several weeks of investigating when it was only him and I in my head, that it was actually me who was the voice in my head, and it had begun to just say what I was already thinking but before I would. Eventually getting to the point where it just makes comments about what’s going on, sometimes it’s nice other times it’s an asshole, all depends.

Without the meds though I don’t think my beliefs would have changed, or that any of the revelations would have come. I easily could have been the guy sitting on a corner talking to myself for days, but thanks to the meds, I’m back to pretty much how I was. No more delusions, and I’m back in this reality. Able to decipher what’s real and what’s not, it’s nice.

If I stop taking them though, would I create another alternate reality for myself? Fixed beliefs, that I can’t change on my own? Me: That's a delusional complex with hallucinatory elements. They're talking about delusion by itself, which maybe APs will help somewhat, but basically only at the point where thought has been eliminated. Person B:

I like that explanation. I don’t understand the last sentence in the sense of, do you mean all thoughts are eliminated, or certain thoughts in particular.

I have thoughts that are almost impulsively thought that are delusional, but am able to blow the thought off as quickly as it came. When I was delusional, all those thoughts were put on the table as a possibility.

Would it be the meds that are helping me block the delusions, or is it me just becoming better at differentiating? Genuine question btw, you seem nice and knowledgeable.

extra banter I’ve only been back to “normal” for a few months and don’t know anything about SZA other than there’s delusions, hallucinations are involved (sometimes?), and my psychiatrist thinks I have it (although hasn’t diagnosed). I guess there’s a sort of test or something that they perform to determine if you have it or not? Idk.

extra extra banter Never really talked to anyone about it, was just forced to take meds(if I didn’t take them they brought a needle out and it was either I was going to take them or I was getting it injected forcibly lol)

Any insight would be nice when you’ve got the time and if you’d like to give some, I’d like to learn more about it rather than just the the things I mentioned above. I’d really like to stop meds because of side effects, but am worried I’d slip back into a psychosis. Me:

I was being cynical, tbh, and suggesting that, and experiences tend to bear this out, neuroleptics work by reducing thoughts... which is kind of true, but it's both the same and different as another way in which AP action is explained: via the dampening of one's experience of, and procedure for assigning, valence. What this means, basically, is that they make things seem less significant or urgent. This fits with your experience of having odd thoughts, but being able to dismiss them.

One way to fit these two ideas together, is to consider how 'valence', or significance ('salience' is another word that's often used), operates on conscious and unconscious levels. The suppression of conscious valence is experienced as having a, possibly 'psychotic', thought, and just not investigating it or investing in it to produce a series of spinoffs and sequels, as might happen in psychosis.

But valence/significance/importance/energy/salience is a property of, or at least is a concept which can be expanded upon and used to describe by analogy, all manner of mental phenomena. There's presumably a constant murmur of unconscious 'maybe' thoughts clamoring for the ear of the conscious mind, which is itself not fully situated in it (Freud call this domain the 'preconscious', and others have called it 'subconscious' in contrast with the 'unconscious.' In other contexts it is referred to as or related to the function of the 'censor', which selects and edits information on its way to the conscious/ego). The greater the volume of any of these unconscious voices, and/or the more 'interested' the conscious mind is, the more likely it becomes that it produces, or is encoded in, a thought that is experienced.

Of course, what occurs in the domain of consciousness is fed back into the unconscious, and is amplified and split into more more murmurs, which may or may not make their way into awareness. We could think about psychosis as a runaway feedback loop rapidly accelerating and expanding in content due to the volume and quantity of unconscious murmurs-become-shouts, the relaxed indiscretion of the preconscious censor (that usually rejects or suppresses potentially problematic tangents), to whom everything suddenly feels important, and the excitation of the conscious ego under the sway of this rapidly proceeding tempest of exciting mental happenings.

On some level, at least in some kinds of psychosis, what we're experiencing is a very unstable and disordered excitement due to everything seeming just so damn important or significant. And if something feels significant (though actually for no good reason besides brain stuff), other parts of the brain will run off and figure out 'why' it is significant, based on nothing but the all-too-enthusiastic assumption that it is.

Instead of evaluating phenomena, and the assignation of importance being largely under the power of the conscious or processes with which consciousness and society are largely comfortable, it's like importance sneaks in at an odd intermediary step, and things, due to one's being complacently accustomed to shit making sense, start to run backwards in an attempt to maintain a feeling of coherence.

Seen thusly, the delusions, or rather the rejection of, or failure to attain, 'insight', are, in fact, a way to maintain sanity: the fundamental delusion underpinning all particular delusions is the idea that the mind (or in traumagenic psychoses, the world) is still working correctly. This is why the 'insight criterion' (of delusion, or, for some people, psychosis itself, though I see that as being a bit heavy handed) developed: it's only a delusion if you believe it. That is, in fact, only part of the picture, the entirety of which you might be able to guess from here, and that I won't begin to render, since this is already getting a bit long, and I may still have to add more without even going on that tangent.

There are tons of more biochemically oriented theories of antipsychotic action, though none of them are really very totally confirmed. Most of them, though, relate to a reduction of some kind of activity, and comport pretty well with the ideas in the above sketch. While this is kind of my own spin, the general idea is referred to in psychology as the 'aberrant salience' theory of psychosis.

As far as what's happening in your mind goes, I think we can look at it both ways and a sort of third halfway one based on the above (we can call one the 'unconscious' understanding of cause, one the 'conscious learning' model, and the third a kind of 'cybernetic' or 'pseduo-psychoanalytic one):

Salience is being suppressed on multiple levels, which leads to fewer and less intense thoughts,

and now, knowing that you've been through psychosis, you no longer uncautiously receive the phenomena issuing from your unconscious mind with open arms and a set of keys to your car.

In a sort of hybrid of the two, we might say that decreased salience allows you to re-establish a 'normal' relationship between conscious and unconscious mind by reinstalling brakes on the feed-forward process of salience-driven, backwardsly-working, enthusiasm which uncritically meets the demands for extraordinary causes made by your extraordinary feelings. As salience ceases to be injected in large doses at an 'unnatural' stage of thought production (or noögenesis; isn't that a cool word?), though the thoughts you once thunk remain, they become compared with those constructed under 'normal' conditions, and may eventually be seen as the grotesqueries they may be.

That said, once a thought has been established as true, a drug is not going to make you not believe it, especially if it's one that has become especially important to you. They aren't going to just make you think different things. I am of the unpopular conviction that another person can often stand in for one's own ego in the journey back to sanity. ....but if you're seeing fucking dragons all the fuck over and feel like your limbs are about to fall off? Well, uh, it's just kind of hard to argue with that. Probably maybe take a pill and see if you'll make better decisions when not besieged by a menagerie of mythical monsters.

So, I mean, I was being a little overcynical about APs not helping delusions. They can re-establish a neurological environment that can make it easier for you to soberly reflect on them, and they can prevent the production of new ones, but often at the cost of mostly just getting rid of everything interesting in your brain. Sometimes that's a cost worth paying, or it need only be a temporary sacrifice.

Plus, therapy and hand-holding is financially and emotionally expensive. Pills and padded rooms are cheap low maintenance 'solutions' to the problem, though they only sometimes succeed in so being. Pills do have a place, plus, they may sometimes prevent the further propagation of actually toxic pathological perniciousness, though that hasn't been established to be universally true. In my (actually only somewhat) humble opinion, one of the best ways to establish whether this is true in any given case, is that of determining whether the pills seem to be necessary, and whether you actually feel better taking them. Some do, and some don't, find either or both true.

There's still more I could say on the last point, but I'm trying not to pontificate excessively, and this has already become rather an epistle. If you want more such nonsense, feel free to ask.

[indiiglow]

In regards to the memory issue post, I just wanted to say that I had a similar problem start a year or two ago. I started losing memory of things that had happened just recently, or losing words I'd used my entire life, etc. really freaked me out, so I went to my doctor and actually managed to get a neurologist referral.

Basically, long story short, issues like that are very rarely actually a "memory" issue unless you're in the age bracket for risk of Alzheimer's. At least in my case it was a focus problem. Stress, anxiety, and a lot of other mental health issues can lead us to function in a sort of "fog", where we don't commit a lot to long term memory in a retrievable way because we didn't assign any kind of trigger to it. They can also make general retrieval hard, even with a memory trigger.

So if you're seeing a lot of issues like this coming up in a relatively short period of time, it could be an indicator that your mental health is in a rough spot, and it might be time to talk to someone.

Or it could just be the normal brain rot, idk who you might be rotating in your head lol

Yeah jfc the brain fog has been thicker than molasses recently too. Probably connected. I'm. aware that it's most likely mental, I probably have ADHD, but it's the short term memory that's been on the fritz lately. Like something as small as forgetting to get the tea bag out of the tea only to remember it once it's too bitter. Idk.

I can't really tell if my mental health overall has been doing worse and I have no reliable way to measure the memory issues either. Would be nice to get a diagnosis and some meds, but the misery of trying to find a good psychiatrist alone makes me not even wanna try :/

Also I haven't thought of it, but someone in the tags on that post mentioned it getting worse after covid. Which. is actually a possibility too. Again, no way to tell.

...I'm not ruling out brainrot completely although it's unlikely

[softlittleheartsandsparkles]

So I read your health updates, could I ask what is your plan for right now? I believe you mentioned you have a follow up at some point, yeah?

For right now, until my follow up towards the end of oct, I'm planning to track my symptoms. Including noting any new ones/changes, & keeping a small diary of food I eat, etc. & then come up with some questions / things I wanna talk about with my specialist to make the most out of the phone appointment. I know I have questions about the things I've been diagnosed with, like how bad are they? are there any meds I should take? etc. Like I know from looking up about it, the hernia thingy can be mild to the point you don't notice it, or severe and requiring surgery. ^^;' I'm not sure how they grade the severity of it. xD Like a hiatal hernia from my understanding is your stomach protruding from my diagram going into the chest cavity. (and knowing this scares me.) But it sounds scary & again cause I don't know how bad it is... I'm not sure what the next steps are....? Like do we do some sorta xray to see how much it's protruding up were it's not suppose to be...? So I need to ask him, cause I've heard sometimes it requires surgery. & I am noticing more issues probably associated with that. (idk I've always thought my chest issues was anxiety... LOL ^^; ) But yeah I'm concerned about that, and the treatments for that and the other things. & is there willingness on his part to try to figure out whats causing my bigger issues that brought me "in" the first place. (Like is ibd off the table? They didn't find it in my stomach or colon...? I do understand small intestine wasn't really checked but... how do we do that?) Because again my stomach hernia while painful, doesn't explain all my other symptoms. ;-; & outside of that, I really wanna try to relax. It's hard because I'm always in pain and discomfort. (standing, sitting, laying, i'm never comfortable.) but I really feel like too I need to distract a wee bit from distress and I wanna spend some emotional energy thinking about other things. So I wanna plan some pleasant activities. Although that's really hard because I'm always uncomfortable and in pain, and physically too I can see and tell i'm not working right which cases more distress ontop of the pain. (Like looking pregnant, feeling that pressure, but knowing too i'm not. & nothing fits comfortable. >.< EVER. Not fun.)

[douevenbleachbro]

Rukia week 2023 04/10-04/18

I’m thinking I may do Day 1 and 2 (Crush or Everyone’s First Love) but all the prompts are sooo gooood! ----

Ok so, Crush. The idea I have kiiinda resembles Earned It a little, since I’m thinking of writing about each guy in her life. That’s a Rukia retrospective and I like the idea, but it’s a little too similar, although I didn’t write any romantic themes with anyone other than Ichigo, so maybe I could. Hmmm...BTW that fic has 90 kudos...uyuyuy look at me hehehe. People are horny...which I get, lol.

Anyways! Ok so the premise would be all the people that had a crush on Rukia and the one Rukia fell in love with. (The 5 times someone crushed on Rukia and the one time Rukia fell in love) I’m thinking Renji, Byakuya, Kaien and Ichigo, and for the 5th Im juggling between Grimmjow or Orihime (she did have that one time she said she loved Rukia right? When she was jealous? I could work with that. She may be easier to write than Grimm ‘cause tbf their main interaction was kinda...violent). I wanna do 5 crushes cause 5 issa vibe. I don’t like 3 or 4. I’ll have to break those down later. 

Everyone’s First Love can fall into this category as well cause she could very well be all these people’s first love (except Bya and Kaien). So both those prompts fit into it. 

You see as I’m writing this Im already getting second thoughts cause this premise sounds kinda obvious, and I would bow down in a second if I knew a better writer has a similar idea. Is that fair to me though? Ah who knows. This is what my brain does though, it’ll plant the self-doubt to deep that it’ll drain any incentive to write. It’s embarrassed me every time I’ve had a deadline for a fic. I hate it. 

---

Ugh why can’t I be a good writer! Hahaha. My brain frustrates me so much. I’m trying to get better by taking my meds and all that but I fear it’s too late cause I’m old (I’m in my late thirties but according to the internet I’m dying so). I just wanna write something that makes me so proud! Using witty word play or deep metaphors. I just feel like my writing is empty, like people can tell im try-harding. I am, trying really hard. But I can’t seem to find any depth to what I’m writing. And where did all this exposition come from? I was reading my older fics and I was going through the story a mile per second and now Im like 20k words and nowhere near the plot! I don’t even speak like that in real life! I tend to get to the point cause otherwise I’ll forget! I dunno what happens when I’m writing, especially dialogue, cause I want to explain every little expression the character is making the way I see it in my head. Maybe I need to write scripts? And get IR look-alikes? hahahahahaha...

Well this went sideways. I was supposed to brainstorm for a Rukia fic. Lol. I wonder if practice can actually make perfect in this case, but idk. It’s just fics so who cares, only that I care cause its literally the only creative outlet I have! And the only fucking fandom I participate in! Why BLEACH?! WHY? Let me goooooo!.....ah who am I kidding, I’ll forever love Rukia, my forever waifu.