#also written on mobile at 2 am while very upset

[femmefatalevibe]

Hi! I’d like some advice (it maybe very unusual to say this) but how can I detach my worth from my school grades? I’m going through a medical situation and I have professors that are super supportive and willing to help me. Meanwhile I’ve been dealing with a TA that’s been very rude, off putting and aggressive towards me the whole semester and even opt to have been get paper work to prove I was going through medical complications which disrupted my school work. I usually get good grades but it’s been tough due to what’s going on and she’s been grading my work. Recently she gave me a 70% on a paper I worked so so hard on. I was so devastated because my grade wasn’t that good and this dropped it lower. And it was so odd, I was confused and decided to email her why (I haven’t sent the email yet). I’m super emotional rn because I’ve been forcing myself to keep studying, (through my pain, recovery etc) and she’s been so so unsympathetic and cruel. She has a bad energy about her and she’s a grad student. I am so upset. And I don’t want to be so hard on myself because I did do my best.

Hi love! I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through these medical issues right now. It can't be an easy experience, especially while you're a university student. From what you've written, there seems to be something wrong with this TA's approach and behavior toward you. My suggestion would be to CC your professor on every email to this TA to ensure she takes accountability for her unfair harshness regarding your grades and performance. Having a separate chat with your professor on this matter might also be useful – if this situation isn't resolved without your professor's direct involvement in your conversations with the TA.

On an emotional level, I think one skill everyone needs to learn and internalize as they get older is to not take other people's actions personally unless there's a simple, logical reason as to why your behavior might be met with a harsh or intense reaction (e.g. you made fun of someone's appearance or dreams and they ghosted you, looked angry, or walked away). Most people's actions are a reflection of their inner worlds, how they see themselves, and the circumstances they're currently navigating. While understanding this doesn't resolve many conflicts, it helps you take your emotions out of the situation to assess logically how to best approach the situation. In return, you tend to think more clearly and display a calmer demeanor during a contentious interaction.

Regarding decoupling your academic performance from your self-worth, the best approach I've found (as someone whose clear top priority was my grades as a student, too) is to see your academic performance as a means to an end in pursuit of achieving your longer-term goals. Consider how earning a certain grade affects your future career or lifestyle goals for the first 2-3 years post-grad. If you're applying to a rigorous graduate program, making your grades a top priority makes sense as they will help you to get into the program responsible for helping you get placed in your ideal career (lawyer, doctor, etc.). If you're not planning on earning another degree, think about how well you truly need to do to get the job or experience desired in your chosen field. For the majority of people in the latter camp, having decent marks will not decrease the available opportunities in a given field.

Ultimately, though, making your health your #1 priority will always serve your best interest. Remember: You can always go back to school, retake an exam, or learn a new skill. But, medical-related issues can create chronic or lifelong issues that hinder all future successes or opportunities in certain areas of your life. You can't perform well if you have no energy, mental clarity, or optimal mobility. Choose your well-being. Every time.

Hope this helps. Sending you well wishes and good health xx

[longinglook]

more 2gether related meta that's just an excuse to talk about myself because it's 1am and I need to vent.

I keep seeing people wonder why Sarawat didn't tell Pam about Tine and I really don't get what's so hard to understand. If the question was "why didn't he tell her he's dating somebody" I would find it more acceptable, although I still believe he had his reasons not to.

Telling Pam about Tine would first of all be a repeat of Wat outing Tine to his friends last week, and it was bad enough once I'm glad it didn't happen again.

What upsets me the most though is how people downplay the act of coming out to someone you grew up with. Coming out isn't easy. It's not easy even when you're 100% confident in your sexuality, it's not easy even when you know that the person you're coming out to will love you no matter what. In my experience it's even harder if you're trying to come out to someone you've known growing up. It's like you're putting your past on the line, and you never know how they will react. I've never been able to come out to anyone I've known for longer than a few months. I haven't come out to my parents who are both very accepting and open minded and will definitely be okay with it. Coming out to someone who saw you grow up always brings up the hidden question of "did you notice or did I fake it well enough?" "did you suspect it?" "did you realize it sooner than me?". It's hard to explain if you haven't gone through it yourself. It has nothing to do with being confident of your sexuality. It's about exposing yourself fully to someone else. It's terrifying.

Now I'm not saying that this is why Wat didn't come out or anything, I actually believe that he did tell Pam at least that he's seeing someone before she hugged him. I decided to write this because it seems like many people believe that having a partner and being okay with your sexuality suddenly makes coming out a breeze. It does not, no matter who is in front of you and who is beside you it's still you baring your heart to someone else.

[raeynbowboi]

How Kipo Makes Great Villains

I stayed up all night binging the second season of Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts, and I’ll admit. Going into it, my expectations were a bit low. Season One had such a self-contained objective, I didn’t know what the show was going to do with itself with a second season. But the second season of Kipo blew me out of the water. So, now I’m going to rant about why Scarlemagne and Jamack are fantastic villains for Kipo to confront, and what Kipo teaches us about writing antagonists. Obviously, spoilers ahead, but if you’re caught up, prepare to gush over great villains. If you’re not, do yourself a favor and go away, experience the second season for yourself, and then come back and fangasm over how great it was.

JAMACK

Kipo’s first antagonist is a perfect character foil. That is to say, Jamack is the exact opposite of Kipo. When Jamack meets Kipo, they are in exact opposite situations. He’s in a group while she’s alone. Later, when Kipo finds friends and is no longer alone, Jamack is kicked out of his group, forcing him to survive on his own. Jamack is very focused on self-interest and self-preservation, belittling his underlings for minor mistakes. His outlook is cold, cynical, and jaded. On top of that, Jamack grew up in this crazy world where only the strong survive. He’s also a part of the Mob Frogs, which seem to be the only mute culture with internal hierarchy. Other groups have a leader, but only the Mob Frogs seem to have levels of rank within the organization, causing the Mob Frogs to be competitive, even among themselves. So it makes perfect sense why Jamack will stoop to pretty much anything to get what he wants. Because that’s the mentality that allows for upward mobility in Las Vista. Thus, when Kipo arrives and upends the status quo and proves Jamack’s way of living wrong, he lashes out. Initially seeing it as her stealing his life from him, Jamack begins to gradually change. Jamack is on a similar and reflected hero’s journey to Kipo, and as she grows, so too will he. It’s no surprise that Jamack will eventually become a genuine ally of Kipo, even if he’s still hiding behind a Tsundere mask.

SCARLEMAGNE

My god is this a fantastic villain. In the first season, he was genuinely creepy and intimidating, but in season 2, Hugo became incredibly sympathetic. As season 2 went on, I kept debating to myself who is more of the Zuko of this show: Jamack or Hugo. Scarlemagne serves the same narrative purpose as the Diamonds in Steven Universe, about how words and kindness can work through problems. But I think it’s done a little better here, since Hugo isn’t a world-destroying dictator. He’s done some damage, but nothing that was really lasting. His pheremones can wear off. The humans he’s enslaved can regain their freedom. So, Hugo’s actual damage as a villain is much smaller and thus much more forgivable than immortal galactic conquerors. Hugo shows this deeply in that he genuinely seems like he wants to make Kipo happy, but he’s been hurt for so long that he doesn’t understand how to. And this genuine care seems to come a lot more from his core personality, and not just Kipo making friendship speeches. Even Steven didn’t really change the minds of the Diamonds. He just kind of proved he was their sister/nephew, and they suddenly cared about what he had to say. With Hugo, it’s much easier to see that he’s not a monster, just a scared and confused man lashing out to maintain control in a barbaric world. It makes him a character who you don’t want to see succeed in his evil plans, but you don’t want to watch him fail and lose everything he's worked for. You simultaneously want to hug him, and also punch him. It’s that perfect balance that makes Scarlemagne so well-written. He’s officially on my list of top 10 tv cartoon villains. Also, it’s hysterical that Hugo is voiced by the live action Beast, and the second half of this season was honestly a better Beauty and the Beast story than the live action movie. Am I the only one who hears Dr. Animo from Ben 10 when Scarlemagne speaks though?

DR. EMILIA

Talk about bait and switch. I don’t know if it was their intention, but I assumed the woman in the bird mask was Song, Kipo’s mother. It was clear that she and her goons were wearing burrow jumpsuits, and as it seemed more and more like her mother wasn’t dead, so I assumed this had to be her. This was such a great misdirection. Assuming she’s the hero because of our opinions of Scarlemagne, it’s what gives this show such amazing rewatch potential as now you can go back and pay attention to her words and actions and realize what she’s genuinely like. But even on a character level, she’s a fantastic villain. Kipo is a master of Talk no Jutsu, a fan term from the Naruto fandom, as he had a knack for talking literally anyone into becoming his friend, even the ones actively trying to kill him. Steven Universe and Kipo seem to be the other two masters of this technique. But Dr. Emilia will likely be immune to this. She doesn’t strike me as the sit and talk things out type. Because there are times when words won’t stop people, but action will. Dr. Emilia is a villain Kipo can’t reason with, someone she can’t befriend with a good speech. But even on a philosophical level, Dr. Emilia is fantastic because while she’s clearly a villain, her goal isn’t inherently evil. She sees mutation as a bad thing and wants to restore mute DNA to their normal animal forms. Which is a large part of why humans need to live in burrows. She wants humans to not live in fear, and to restore animals to their genetic origins. At least in theory, it’s a benign enough goal. The problem comes when you consider that animal mutes have sentience. they can speak and express desires. Robbing them of that is akin to purposefully mentally disabling a group in order to be dominant over them, which adds to the great themes here because there’s a loose veil of animals as an enslaved species. Kept in cages or as pets, ruled over or hunted by man who views itself as the superior race, the same sort of thinking that white slave-owners used to rationalize their prejudice. Thus it’s also a loose allegory for Dr. Emilia wanting to return emancipated slaves back to their chains. This is why she’s such a good villain. At face value, her goal sounds sort of reasonable, but when you examine what she’s really doing, it’s incredibly dark and cruel. That level of detail and writing is amazing. Talk about a well-written villain. I’m sorry, I can’t stop gushing.

Kipo demonstrates three equally compelling types of villains, and handles all of them amazingly. Jamack is the hero’s villainous foil, on his own mirrored hero’s journey as hers. His situation is always an exact opposite of hers, as was his life experiences, which led to such a stark difference of ideas. Thus, why it takes her utterly alien character traits to kick start his character arc. Hugo is a beautifully flawed and tragic villain whose goal of bringing the mutes together under a single ruler is genuinely compelling, but you still don’t want him to succeed the wrong way. Yet, if he could achieve his goal in a less hostile and evil way, I doubt fans would be upset with him achieving this goal otherwise. It’s just his approach that’s problematic. Dr. Emilia seems reasonable enough on paper, but once you unpack what she’s really doing, you can read a really deep allegory for slavery and racial superiority into her character that really complicates the otherwise black-and-white opinion of her character. Each of these villains shows ways you can make a compelling antagonist, and if you read this without watching Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeats despite my spoiler warnings, do yourself a favor and watch it. You will not be disappointed.

[kamil-a]

Do you recommend hnka? Your art/writing has me interested in the characters!! And did you play it or watch a playthrough? Internet is telling me there's like, a bunch of different versions of the game slkdjfslkj

okay, so first of all right now im like in my honeymoon phase w this game. i love this thing i am newly experiencing. so its going to be VERY subjective.

PROS:

-protag is an incredibly written character and one of the best takes on the "oh woe is me i am so Average" trope ive seen. we stan an unreliable narrator. shes very good!!

-the voice actors are having the time of their lives and it SHOWS!!!!! blood, elliot, and gowland in particular make their lines so funny just via delivery

-unlike a lot of childrens media BUT MESSED UP work, hnkna has so much love for its origins. it doesnt stick very much to canon at all, but lotsa cool details do make it in , and its extra stuff feels to me like a YES, AND and not I CAN DO BETTER. Idk it just feels loving to me!!

-WORLDBUILDING????? its a lot. its like the horrific end result of what if capitalism WAS just "natural" theres so much weird things to chew on

-MUSIC SLAPS

-while i absolutely would not say this game has "good lgbt rep" you do play as a bi girl who can date(1) another bi girl

(1) its galpaled but like she DOES kiss alice's foot after telling her she "swings both ways". like hello.

-extremely funny game. like the comedy is mostly very good in my opinion, ive cried laughing a lot of times the friends ive streamed it for can verify this

CONS:

-hnkna has no interest in being a comfortable or (SORRY) unproblematic experience. i dont mean this like "so toughen up", i mean this like "this game WILL romanticize sexual harassment/assault, there is a route in this game where you can date twin children, if stuff like that's a dealbreaker that's a dealbreaker(2) ".

-so okay sometimes its fun to see an evil manipulative toxic bf in his element in a story and so this can actually be a pro in a way. but you understand how a romance story romanticizing that is still bad right. so its also a con im putting this in the con section.

(2) if that IS a dealbreaker (which is perfectly fine, cause that stuff up there is pretty awful, no pretending its not) i reccommend the manga captive hearts of oz, drawn by one of the artists for this franchise! its got that loving-relationship-to-origin, cool worldbuilding feel, but much lighter on the upsetting elements

HOW TO PLAY: im on mobile rn so hard to link bc lotsa times when i leave the page tumblr eats my words BUUUUUT: search up the english fan translation of *anniversary no kuni no alice*! Its an expanded edition of the first game. Unfortunately, that is the only fully translated game, but i hear theres ways to machine translate future ones.

Have fun if you playyyyyy!!!

[purplesurveys]

1125

survey by nadine07

[..Introductions..]

First Name: Robyn.

Middle Name: I don’t think I’ve shared it on here and I doubt I will.

Last Name: Not providing it either but it starts with a C.

Birthdate: April 21st.

[..First Things First..]

What was the first thing you did after you got up? I rushed to the rooftop so that I could see the sunrise. I also got in the random mood to do a time-lapse of it, but the sun took forrrrrrrr-freaking-ever to come up entirely. I was holding up my phone for like 15 minutes and nothing was happening, so I quit halfway through lol.

What was the name of your first pet? Goldie, because it was a goldfish.

Who was your first big crush? Gabie, I would say.

Where was the first place you drove after you got your license? Chelsea’s 18th birthday dinner was scheduled right after I happened to get my license, and the event took place in a small, quaint little restaurant in Marikina. 

There’s a bit of a funny story here, too – Aaron needed a ride to get there and so I offered to drive him. I picked him up and we were having small talk in the car, and he asked me how long I’ve been driving. I told him that moment was my literal first time driving out and that I just got my license the day before, and he is my first-ever passenger (at that point I’ve never even tried driving solo yet). The horror and immediate distrust on his face was something I will never forget HAHAHA. We got to the place unharmed, but it’s still one of my favorite stories to tell.

Who was your very first friend? It was a kind girl named Kaye back in kindergarten. We were always next to each other in our class lists, so it was inevitable for us to befriend one another. She transferred schools in first grade and I have not seen nor heard from her since.

What was the first thing you ate today? I had another bag of salted egg chips. I’m extremely hooked, lmao.

What was your first job? I work as an associate at a PR agency.

[..Colors..]

Name something red in the room you are in: We have an unopened bottle of wine here on the dining table and there’s still a red ribbon wrapped around it.

Is orange one of your school's team colors? No, neither of my schools had orange as one of its colors.

How many yellow shirts do you own? I can think of 5 tops hanging out in my wardrobe at the moment. Two of them are class shirts from high school; the others were tops I bought when I started getting into mustard yellow.

Name someone you know who drives a green car: I believe Angel, a classmate from high school who also studies in UP, also drives a Mitsubishi Mirage, albeit a lime green one.

Is it a blue sky outside right now? Yes for the most part, but the sun is setting soon so the sky is bound to change into many pretty colors as it usually does at this time of the day.

What is the first thing that pops into your head when I say 'purple'? Barney the dinosaur, and ube.

Are the walls in the room you're in white? Yes, all our walls indoors are white.

Does black make you think of depressing things? Not always, but if used specifically in that context, it definitely helps boosts the mood.

Jewelry: gold or silver? Silverrr, always.

[..Phone Stuff..]

Who is your provider? Nothing you would be familiar with, but I use Globe.

How long have you had your current phone? It’ll be three years this year. It would be nice to upgrade, but I’m also still happy with my current phone so it doesn’t really matter to me.

What did your last text say? The last one that came through that didn’t come from my mobile services provider was from someone in the media. It was his birthday last Friday and I messaged him if he’d like to receive a gift from us, on behalf of one of our clients; he just replied with his confirmation and details.

If you woke up naked next to the last person to call, would it be awkward? Yep and I’d feel like throwing up almost immediately.

Was your last missed call male or female? It was from my mom.

Who is your 10th phone contact? It’s from Jum, who I realize is still listed as Ate Jum on my phone. That’s cute hahaha; I must have gotten her number when we weren’t super close yet. Anyway, she’s been super MIA for like the last two years...basically, ever since she graduated. I believe she has also since moved back to Bicol, so it’s become virtually impossible to see her again. Bums me out and I look forward to the day we somehow end up in the same room once again.

How did you meet them? I met her in my very first journalism major class. I had mixed feelings towards her at first since I found her to be super loud in class, and I initially thought she would only be a one-time classmate and nothing more; but I got to know her more and we even ended up as orgmates, and it turns out she is literally the most hilarious person I know.

Are you related to your 17th phone contact? I have absolutely no clue who it is. I no longer remember what led to it, but Gabie and I swapped the SIM cards in our phones at one point, and for some reason it made me have access to her contacts; the 17th contact on my phone is someone from her list. And since I never hang out in my Contacts app, I’ve never gotten around to deleting those extra numbers I received.

How long have you known your 1st phone contact? Around 6th or 7th grade. I can’t remember the exact grade level she transferred to my school as a new student.

When was the last time you saw them? It’s been at least a year. I remember seeing her on campus very briefly when I was on my way to a certain building for class, while she was walking out of it.

Who is your 4th phone contact? LMAO, again, it’s from her contact list. Said person is one of her older cousins, I believe.

Have you ever kissed that person? No, and that is very weird and uncomfortable to think about.

When was the last time someone drunk dialed/texted/left a voicemail? Andi drunk messaged me a few months ago. November, I think.

[..Friends..]

Who is your #1? No Myspace but I’d say my top best friend is Angela.

How long have you known them? It will be 16 years this year.

Have you ever kissed? Oh my gosh, hell no. It would be like kissing a sister haha. She’s super affectionate and will sometimes kiss my shoulder or cheek, though.

Are you dating this person? No, never did and never desired to.

Do you have nicknames for each other? Not really exclusive to each other, but I call her Anj (and only a few people call her so) and she will occasionally call me Reben or Rolayn, both from past inside jokes.

What is your #2's full name? I am not sharing that, but I refer to them as Andi (you may remember them as Andrew from the past times I’ve mentioned them).

Do they live within 20 minutes of you? If there is zero traffic, I can probably make it to their place within that timeframe, yeah. But realistically, no they don’t.

How did you meet? We initially met in an anti-Marcos protest/rally – I approached they first because they had a wrestling shirt on, heheh – and that’s when I learned we were from the same college. But they rubbed me off the wrong way from our first meeting as they were too extroverted for my liking, and I spent a good chunk of time ignoring him whenever we crossed paths, lmfao. Eventually we were put in the same class at some point, and they even joined my org, and an intensely close friendship started from there.

Could you live with this person? Sure. I think they would never be a boring roommate.

Who is your #3? I’m gonna go with Kate for this one.

Where are they right now? I have no idea. We don’t really catch up with each other’s lives on a regular basis; we have a very chill, low-maintenance friendship.

When is this person's birthday? January 1st.

Has this person ever seen you naked? I don’t think so.

What is your #4's full name? I don’t think I have a 4th-tier best friend haha, but I’m gonna pick Tina.

When did you last see them? Last year, on the last normal day I was able to be on campus. She was set to present one of her projects at a journalism conference that was taking place in campus that day, but I was able to hang out with her for a short time before the event.

Have they ever dated one of your other friends? No. I knew she had a crush on someone from the college, though.

Do you know their favorite movie? I’m not sure about her favorite movie but I do know she loves Adam Sandler. I was never able to figure out if her interest was ironic or genuine but yeah, she enjoys a good number of his works.

[..Randomosity..]

What time is it? 6:20 PM.

Are you supposed to be doing something other than this? I wouldn’t say so. I do have deliverables for work but since it’s the weekend, I’m not thinking about them nor do I have the desire to touch those tasks until Monday.

Do you live on your own or with your parents? I live with my family. Considering my monthly income, it’d be close to impossible to sustain myself in my own place this early in my adult life.

Are you more of a cat or a dog person? Dog, for sure.

Are you allergic to anything? I don’t believe so.

Does your shirt have anything written on it? Yeah, it says “UP Fighting Maroons” styled in a varsity font since that’s the term for our sports team.

Have you ever tie-dyed something? I have, but only back in like Grade 6 when we had to do it for a home ec class. I remember wanting to buy a tie-dye set recently so I could revisit the activity, but I never got around to it.

Who can you always count on to cheer you up? Angela for the most part; but I also don’t want to be too reliant on my friends in this way. Sometimes I simply allow myself to be sad or upset, and sometimes I count on myself to cheer up.

How many places have you been today? I have been nowhere but at home today lol. I’ll be going to BGC tomorrow to have lunch with my godfather and my cousins, though.

Are you a forgiving person? No.

When was the last time you felt let down? Last night when I read the news that the government will be making All Souls’ Day, Christmas Eve, and New Year’s Eve working days this year. I already know I’ll be half-assing my way through those days lmao because whyyyyyyy the fuck would you make people work on family-centric holidays such as those

What is the title of the nearest book to you? There are no books here at the rooftop.

Are you wearing anything that belongs to someone else? Nope.

Can you whistle? Only through my lips. I can’t do the kind of whistle where you put your fingers in your mouth as well.

Do you look more like your mother or your father? My mom.

Are you still in high school? I’m well past that chapter.

Are you the oldest, middle, youngest, or an only child? I’m the eldest.

Has anyone ever told you that you talk in your sleep? No, because I don’t.

How many people have you kissed this year? None.

Is there anyone of the opposite sex you trust fully? Hmm, no one comes to mind.

Are you a night owl or an early bird? More of a night owl.

If you could have an exotic pet, what would it be? No thanks. I’ve never had the desire to have one.

Would you rather go to Brazil for the weekend or Finland for a month? I’d have to go with Finland. I feel like the cultural differences would be a lot more marked, plus the vacation is longer so that is an instant win for me.

[..And Finally..]

Where did you go the last time you drove somewhere? I was driving to the local coffee shop to spend some time with myself, and do a liiiiiiiittle bit of work as well.

Where did you last go out to eat at? Ramen Nagi. I was initially hesitant to show up there and ask for a table for one on a Sunday evening...but it turned out to feel incredibly empowering and freeing. It was definitely awkward at first, but it got a lot easier once I realized literally no one gives a fuck. Or if they did, they didn’t do anything about it and let me mind my own business. That evening was a crucial step in reclaiming my happiness, so I’m glad I made the choice to suck it up and enter the restaurant.

When was the last time you let someone borrow something from you? Last week, when Angela needed our abaca mat as an aesthetic for her grad shoot.

Was your last breakup a bad one? Yes.

What was the last song you listened to? Just checked my Spotify and the current song I have on pause is Descansos by Hayley Williams. 

What was the last movie you watched? Midsommar.

Did your last kiss happen in a public place? Not technically, but it did take place outside of my house so we were outdoors for some neighbors to see.

How did you meet the last person to leave you a comment? It was Andi, and I already explained how we met earlier in this survey.

[l0chn3ss]

l0chn3ss update

I feel like the last time I ever really active on tumblr was in the year 2016, so i want to address my absence between 2017-2020. Part of it is because I feel like I owe it to my friends and mutuals who I just basically left on read and another part is because I’ve always treated this blog as a personal blog that documents my life and my growth. I put off writing this for a long time but now that I have a huge paper due, now is definitely the time.

You are welcome to skip but I will address a few hard hitting questions I feel should be answered, especially since I feel like I departed like an anti-hero of a bad tv show.

Where I am currently: I am in grad school to obtain a master’s in library and information science. I have a full time job at different middle school libraries, though I work from home now. I also tutor kids on the side to pay for my tuition because I basically make minimum wage. Quarantine messed with my head at first, but now I’m feeling much better and I’m trying to reconnect with friends and close a lot of loose ends.

TLDR: I took an extended break because tumblr mobile sucks and my laptop needed serious repairs. I made a huge migration away from social media in 2018. I prioritized my education and in-person connections, which fell to shit because of my fandom involvement in the past. I did not like the direction of the main fandom I participated in and knew that many of the people I once respected did not respect me in return/ Us versus them mentality. I recognized that I treated my life on tumblr too seriously and took petty drama personally. I am sporadically on tumblr now because I genuinely enjoy the social connection and because I still like running fandom events.

Yes, you can reblog this. I’d love for this narrative to be heard.

Long version: To preface this, this post is being written to give myself closure and because I really am procrastinating on my final big paper of this semester. I’ll be tackling on the points in the tldr in a longer narrative that will appear to be in an expository fashion, which I recognize will be a source of contention, but my intentions are to throw it onto the table so that I can be freed. I can let it go and move on. I’m no longer a 20 years old who cared too much of what other people think and will think; I think differing perspectives are important and I want to give myself a chance to say my piece. That and I recognize that I lost the audience that I once had, so I doubt this will be an issue at all. It’s been 4 or what ever years, let’s just not.

Back in 2015-2016 there was a huge back and forth between three groups of people in the SE fandom. The reason why I’m not listing out the name is because I don’t want this to show up in the tags. I’d say that the three groups could be seen as quite literally the soma shippers (mostly white, demi sexual girls), lgbt centric bloggers (very kid or star oriented, very fed up with soma), and the people who were deemed as alright to soma shippers (c r ona, ste inm arie, jac k im centric people). There was a constant (and understandable) tension between the first two groups while the third was like the weird cousin that everyone in the social circles liked because they sprinkled in soma for the masses. Don’t argue with me on this-- this was literally how the fandom was in 2015 and you know it.

The main issue was that one group felt that they were being inclusive towards identities and sexualities while the other felt that they were not. I remember that one of the arguments was that soma WAS an LGBT ship because people headcanonned the members to be demisexual. However, the other side of the argument was that it wasn’t good representation of a gay pairing. Now that we can look back at this 5 years later, I have two things to say: 1, I now very much understand why the argument broke out because of how heated the topic is, and I do believe that I lean more towards the “other side” now that I’m not wearing rose tinted glasses, but 2, I need to make it clear that demi people are lgbt, but a headcanon is not fact and ship diversity was the main question at hand, not the ship itself. This argument lasted for weeks, destroyed my friendships, and no matter what I felt I did in the moment (which was to mend the fandom), it was taken as an insult.

(Side note: Somethings that I remember was being in someone’s DM’s to encourage them to participate in the large fandom events more, but once they twisted my intentions and rallied their friends, I became their enemy. I also became the mods’ enemy but then again, when was I not? I was made fun of for saying “queergender,” a term that is now currently being widely used, quite openly by someone I wanted desperately to be friends with. I was outwardly mocked by popular users who only apologized behind closed doors but didn’t bother to clear things up with their followers. Adults who were in their 30s quite literally attacked a 19 year old. It was in that moment that I realized I would never become friends with either side, and not because I didn’t want to.)

I bring this up because as I begun to stop writing soma fics, I also begun to see and understand why people moved away from it. It wasn’t the ship itself, it was the culture surrounding it. However, on tumblr we have the ability to connect intensely with the content we produce. Therefore, the ship itself began to be connected with the shippers and their attitudes towards outside pairings-- that attitude being tied into elitism.

I say this with every ounce of love I can because I once had the exact same mannerism. When you become so tied into one pairing to the point where other ships appear to threaten the existence of it and you react negatively towards it, you become rancid. The popular tag “everything is soma” takes a very dark turn. Even if readers consume another pairing’s work, they will be obliged to say “I ship soma more BUT that was cute.” They will read an entirely different topic and wonder why soma wasn’t inserted into it in the background. They will reject pairings that separate the two as if breaking them up is sin and an insult.

The only reason why I stopped writing my soma fics in 2016 was because I saw a real need to fill in the gaps of other pairings. I took what people were saying to heart and I wanted to change my ways and my perceptions. I saw the animosity of the ship culture and rejected it. I wanted to use what little influence I had to make the fandom just a bit more accepting. In 2016, I don’t think the fandom was ready for it. In 2017, they still weren’t ready for it. In 2020, I see hope, but I wonder sometimes if it’s masqueraded pity because of previous treatment.

In the middle of it all, I went from being the soma angst master to becoming the weird person everyone once knew. I was the friend that people excluded from group chats and I just “wasn’t the same.” Cliques grew extremely large in power in 2017 and exclusion hurt like a bitch.

The straw that broke the camel’s back and completely shut me down was in 2017 when I was graduating as a bachelor. There was a fandom event that I decided to go all in to. For context, there used to be a huge debate on how many times a person should enter in an event, but in my mind, the more exposure the better. My graduation and the event took place at the exact same time, which was cool, but what hurt me was what happened after.

I was lucky enough to be accepted into field school (when you travel to do outdoor excavating) for my major. I’m an anthropologist-- it was an honor. I didn’t plan in advance for it, and if anything, I thought that I would be committed completely to the events and my 5 or what ever entries at the time. I’ve always prided myself in communicating with others, so I made sure to let my partners in the event know what was going on. I was so excited to be going on my first ever excavation and no one at the time said anything otherwise, in fact, they all seemed incredibly supportive. 

What I didn’t know was that I would be called out by name in the event feedback response by one person who felt that I didn’t take the event seriously enough and that I should’ve prioritized my time accordingly. Two of the mods let me know because it referred to me directly, though the name of the submitter was not included. It was not only a slap in the face, but a dumbfound moment that reminded me that wow, fandom content really is someone’s life out there. My enforced silence because of lack of internet in the woods actually upset someone and made them believe that I wronged them, because I put my real life ambitions first before a fandom event.

It was then when I woke up and I remember very clearly thinking to myself: I don’t want to be like them. I don’t want to treat my fandom life seriously. I want to participate in fandom for fun, not out of duty. I don’t want to prioritize this life because in the end, if I am hated for putting my work and education first, then I don’t want it.

(For context, I suspect that it was the same person who made a 200 note call out on me during the fandom tension. I respected this person immensely, but I also treated them like the flawed person I believe everyone is. I’m sure because of this, I’m pretty much trash in their eyes, which is totally fine. They have really cute cats so they can’t be all too bad. Don’t look into it too deeply.)

Once my month long field school was up, I was already used to not being on the internet or any of my social media accounts. I didn’t play my mobile games for a month. I didn’t read the news for a month. It was like going cold turkey on the internet, which reshaped my habits entirely. The only time that I had online within that time span was during the weekend, but I spent my time working on my projects and catching up with friends instead of being on apps.

I was also completely fed up with tumblr’s mobile app at the time, so one by one, I deleted my apps. Good bye to tumblr, snapchat, what little I used of instagram, twitter, everything. The only thing I kept was facebook, which was because it is the main platform that I use to message my boyfriend. That meant that any friends I retained from the fandom (who I still contact now) were also friends who had the chance to add me on facebook.

This was the cause of my 2 or 3 year hiatus on tumblr, and therefore the fandom. I occasionally checked back every 6 months to do a few fandom events, but I have several unopened messages and notifications that I haven’t been able to get to. I open my instagram for a few days once a year, and I only go onto twitter if my friends tell me (through facebook) that they dm’d me a post there.

When I left my online persona behind, I quickly strengthened my in person connections. New drama that erupted every other day became replaced with starbucks and boba runs. Reality TV shows replaced fanfiction. Text messages replaced the tumblr activity feed (which still doesn’t work on mobile BTW). I study at cafes unironically with friends instead of typing alone in my room. Overall, it opened my world considerably.

I still like making fun of myself and I try not to take myself seriously. I still make self depreciative memes to send to friends but then double up with kermit heart pics. I’m still a plot bunny, I still write my fics, I still watch my anime, I still play video games, I still sleep at 4am, I still take my depression medication, I still love potatoes, I still use my voice for people who can’t find theirs yet. But I think I’m in a much healthier mindset now, even if I still make stupid shifty posts calling out bad behavior.

Nowadays, I’m working on my Master’s degree in secret. My parents don’t know about it because my mom doesn’t like that I want to go out and do unladylike things like getting an education. I tutor kiddos and I’m really good with younger children, but I’m not going to do anything with kids because I just don’t want to. Instead, I want to work at an archive or a museum to bring my library interests and my anthropology background together. If I had my dream job, I would be a marine archaeologist; however I love my boyfriend of 8 years whom you probably all remember and I really came to terms with my grandeur dreams. I’m extremely happy with living in a small town with loved ones now, and I don’t need to move somewhere far away from my parents to be content. It’s a huge realization.

From 2018 to 2020 I got into actual drama in person while I was job hunting. Adult people suck and honestly it’s kind of embarrassing how ill equipped some people are. Even so, I currently work in middle schools as a media assistant. One of those realms is the library, and honestly it’s like fulfilling a prophecy. As much as I love the social aspect, public schools are an absolute train wreck.

I’m going to wrap this up now. This post is meant to help me close the past and move forward because the fandom culture feels different now. Things from several years ago don’t need to resurface. I want to enjoy my life fully, and fandom life is one of those aspects that I truly did enjoy. I’m going to keep using my voice and act like a fool, but I’m also not going to be losing sleep because of this. People are going to talk about you no matter what, whether positively or negatively, and it’s important to not take it personally.

Idk, go enjoy yourselves. Do things for yourself. It’s more fun that way.

[jaimajuju]

October 7, 2020

Day 7 of trying to be more present and grateful for my life.

Today I woke up early, showered, made breakfast, and got some personal business and school work done.

Today my roommate and I did our presentation in our Teaching and Learning class. We met with a resident at a nearby assisted living home and learned about their life as well as taught them some tips and tricks for improving their physical activity and addressing any mobility issues they had. Then we had to teach the class what we had done. Our resident was adorable and it was a great experience, especially learning afterwards what we could have improved on to make their experience better. For example, we learned that we could have given her more visual or written instructions of the exercises we wanted her to do to promote her understanding and retention of the information. I feel like this sounds extremely nerdy but it is great to learn new stuff like that. The goal is never stop learning.

Today during class while everyone else was doing their presentations I was texting my roommate and our other friends a couple times too about the funny stuff that was happening like when the teacher would literally just get up and leave. Not very teaching or learning of him, I’d say. The class group Snapchat was also blowing up with funny stuff. And there was a storm happening outside so some people’s audio was going out and one of the guys in our class yelled “God Bless America” during his presentation because of it 😂 Another girl’s phone kept ringing during her presentation and you could tell she was losing it. We ended up staying there for longer than we needed to but it was a hilarious class overall.

Today the thunderstorm was crazy with garbage cans flying outside and lightening cracking. I opened the window to listen to the rain though because that’s my favorite type of weather. The breeze felt nice. Then the storm stopped almost as abruptly as it had started.

Today after that class I was going to take a nap but I decided to do more work instead and I’m extremely grateful that I did because now I don’t feel behind at all. Last week I did feel behind and that’s just never a fun feeling. So I worked a little on a few assignments before my roommates came out to the living room and we started talking a bit. My one roommate brought cookies on her way back from work for us, her reasoning being because my other roommate finished a quiz and we finished our presentation. She even remembered our favorite flavors which was so cute. I really appreciated that she thought of us like that!

Tosay we went and saw the sunset at a nearby park that had the best views. It was an incredible one tonight, and I am so happy that my roommate suggested going. We paid close attention to the colors and blasted music and I felt very content at that time. Sunsets will always be my favorite. They just remind you how beautiful life and each day can be.

Today in the afternoon I got pretty grumpy and I didn’t really know why but now I think it was just because I hadn’t slept well the past few nights and was tired. I also had a headache. Either way I feel bad because I was grumpy all throughout working on another presentation with my group of friends over FaceTime to the point that I just went in my room and let my roommate talk to them because I didn’t want to be mean to them it really was not there fault I was in such a nasty mood. I worked on the presentation in my room and fixed what I had wanted to. But the whole ordeal of working on that assignment took like all night which only made me feel worse because I had wanted to finish it. Instead we decided to record on the slides tomorrow since it wasn’t due until 2 pm. It ended up fine and I think we did a great job. I hope no one in my group was upset that I was grumpy. I appreciated their input on the presentation. My roommate thought I was mad at her because I left but it really was just all too much. She gave me a ton of hugs and apologized to try and make me feel better and it did so I’m glad about that.

Today I sat and talked with my roommates a little more before going into bed relatively early. I didn’t fall asleep for a while but I slept much better than the past two nights so I was happy.

Today wasn’t my best day. I want to work on staying more positive and trying not to get into moods like I did but I’m only human so I understand that it does happen. I’m still appreciative for all the good parts of my day, such as talking with my roommates, our presentation, the laughs with my class, and the sunset. I am lucky to be alive and to live in this day. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

[slow-burn-sally]

1, 2, 5, 6, 19? :D

1. Tell us about your current project(s)  – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it? @palavapeite also asked this one, so I’ll answer both here:

I have two WIPs going right now. One is my amnesia Good Omens fic, Forget Me Not, which has just been fun, because I get to write those boys meeting and falling in love with zero history. I am looking forward to the ways I’ll write them getting their memories back, and the flood of 6,000 years worth of shared experiences hitting them both at once. It’s been fun, but slow going. 

The other is a Childercelles modern day AU. Which is the trashiest of the trash, because that ship is utter trash to begin with, but now, it’s modern day, and it involves Lascelles sending Childermass a dick pic (thank you @shoreslip for that delicious prompt). So trash squared?? I adore writing for this ship because it allows me to play with all the kinky, nasty, ridiculous, over the top porn I can’t quite bring myself to write for johnsquared. Before I fell in love with Childermass/Lascelles, I’d never written hate sex before, and it allowed me to stretch those muscles. Now I am sort of addicted. I have this yen for those two, being horrible to each other while they rip each other’s clothes off. And a modern day AU means I’m free of trying to keep it period piece specific. It’s surprisingly joyful to use words like “wanker” and “mobile” and “auto mechanic”.

2. Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

For Good Omens, an anon told me about a dream they had where I wrote an AMAZING late 90s rom com about Aziraphale running a shelter where washed up, ex rock star Crowley goes for rehab/AA/NA meetings. I adore the plot and absolutely plan to write it. I am assuming this is part of what nonny intended by telling me about it. 

For JSAMN, I am just looking forward to describing Lascelles’ penis in his dick pic to Childermass and Childermass’ reaction to it, because I am a sick fuck and love kinky things. 

5. What character that you’re writing do you most identify with?

Haha! in JSAMN, embarrassingly, it’s Norrell. I have so many anxieties surrounding change. I hate travel. I don’t like new things. I am a bit of a traditionalist. I am a wet blanket. I don’t trust fairies and think we should be VERY CAREFUL when using or discussing fairy magic. I identify with Norrell to an upsetting degree. As I’ve often said IRL, I do not like fun. Many of my friends will tell you that I am fun. I have a great sense of humor and can be very charming and have lots of friends, but everything scares me, I’m lazy and I hate new experiences. 

Also Crowley. I strongly identify with him. I have far too many black clothes. I was raised by demons. I have a very wicked/dark sense of humor and I am in love with Aziraphale. 

6. What character do you have the most fun writing?

All of them? Favorites might include Crowley, because he’s a walking pile of anxious limbs. And Segundus, because...you know...blushes. He’s so soft and nervous and sweet and squishy and I just AHHHHHHHHH. Sorry. Had a minor cinnamon roll attack there. 

19. Is there something you always find yourself repeating in your writing? (favourite verb, something you describe ‘too often’, trope you can’t get enough of?)

Oh yeah. Definitely. You’ll see a lot of the words “heated” and “gleaming” and “bloom”. I want to do an exercise where I write a one shot and try to use all new words. I don’t want to get stuck using the same descriptors or describing the same actions the same ways. I am always so impressed by the ways certain writers find to say the simplest things in the most profoundly different ways. Something to work on. As for tropes, I love ALL OF THEM.

Thank you for the ask! These are probably the most fun I’ve run into for the asks things that have been going around. :)

[chocolatechocolatekip]

I’m on mobile and don’t know how to do a Read More thing so I apologize in advance! Here’s the post that y’all asked for!

•••

As more and more of us in the Friendom continue to reach out to Hulu, our chances of getting a renewal for our beloved show grow as well. There seems to be plenty of factors that will affect the outcome of our current efforts, and it’ll be a long wait until we hear anything regarding a final decision. But for now, let’s try to fast forward a bit:

After almost a year of waiting, corporate at both Hulu and Disney Channel have finally heard our voices. They have decided to renew Andi Mack for a fourth season to stream on Hulu. Both companies announce the news on their respective Twitter accounts, and news articles begin appearing across the Internet about this miraculous resurrection. Cast members take to Instagram with reunion photos captioned “Surprise!” and #themackisback starts trending on Twitter internationally. Those who have made their peace with the original series finale rejoice as the moment feels so surreal, and the entire Friendom overflows with joy. For a second, it all feels fuzzy and too good to be true. But that raises the question:

What Would Season 4 Even Be About?

•••

In this TED talk, I will be exploring a few of the things I feel would be interesting plot points and ideas for the show to cover. These are just ideas from all the emotions I’ve been feeling since the finale, but I hope that I’m able to communicate them properly and that you understand what I’m trying to say, lol. Here I go!

From a logical perspective, there are things we know that the fourth season will focus on:

- Andi’s time at SAVA

- Cyrus, Buffy (and possibly Jonah) starting at Grant without Andi

- Cyrus and Thelonious’ new relationship

- Buffy and Marty’s new relationship

•••

There are other things I want to see from the fourth season, and there’s just so much unexplored territory with these characters that it really is bittersweet knowing that these stories will never unfold on the small screen for us. One can hope, and we will still have fanfics written by those in the Friendom. However if we do get a fourth season, these are some things I personally would love to see.

- Andi developing a true sense of independence. Her whole life she’s had an tight-knit immediate support system through her friends and family, but now she’s going to a school where she doesn’t know anybody doing things none of her other friends and family have had experience in. She’s been surrounded by things familiar to her since second grade (or possibly before that) so seeing her grow into somebody separate from those things would be so amazing. She knows SAVA is where she belongs, and now she’s gotta prove it to herself.

- Andi-Cyrus development. We’ve gotten a lot of Andi-Buffy and Cyrus-Buffy moments, but the two definitely outweigh any development we’ve gotten from Andi and Cyrus. I mean, sure, they’re best friends! I know they love each other and are important to one another, but it still seems like some unexplored territory. I’m hoping they’re just as close as they are with the other seeing as they’ve known each other since the second grade. Though now that Andi is going to a different school, I don’t know how they would work that in.

- Buffy’s home life being explored. We’ve only ever met her mother a couple times, but her dad didn’t seem to be significant enough to her story for them to actually cast and write him into the series. There’s no doubt in my mind that her parents are insanely proud of her for her growth and accomplishments since the first season. However, it would be nice to see what kind of relationship she has with her dad.

- Cyrus finally coming out this parents. We were robbed of such a plot point because so many people, regardless of age or gender or race, have to deal with coming out to their families. As much love and acceptance as Cyrus deserves, I personally don’t want it to be one of those “we’ve always known, we still love you” kinds of coming out because those aren’t always the case. I think that when he does come out, I can imagine at least one of his family members not fully accepting of it. I’m not saying that Cyrus needs to be have a hard time coming out to his family, but in the long-run it would make sense. Also if Thelonious is already out to his parents, I’m hoping he helps Cyrus come out to his as well.

- We need more sibling relationships to be shown. As I’m writing this I’m noticing that a large chunk of the characters are only children? They’ve had a lot of different family structures represented but haven’t really focused on any sibling relationships. I think Cece and Mei, and Iris and her brother are the only siblings we’ve been given.

- Jonah getting the proper help he needs for his anxiety. I really don’t want them to forget about Jonah’s mental health, but it almost seems like they let it take a backseat to his family’s financial problems. Real anxiety doesn’t just go away, and seeing as Jonah’s only been dealing with it for roughly a couple of months, they wouldn’t just subside this quickly. Obviously I don’t want him to suffer attacks every day for the sake of him having them, but it does need to be fleshed out and handled a little better.

- Bex and Bowie making some new friends their age. Maybe other parents with kids at SAVA? Maybe Cyrus and Buffy’s parents? I understand it’s important to be involved in your child’s life, especially after secretly being her sister/non-existent dad for 13 years, but I can’t remember a time when either Bowie or Bex have mentioned any other friends their age. Other than M*randa and that lady that wanted to sue Bex (lmao) there haven’t been many other memorable young-adult interactions. They’ve been so focused on making up for lost time with Andi, making up for lost time with each other, and assuming their roles as parents that they haven’t really grown beyond their familial bonds. It would be nice to see how the act when they’re not in Responsible Parent Mode™.

- More character development for Amber. Now that the GHC (sans Andi) are going to Grant with her, she can be like their Big Sister Figure™ and help them adjust. We’d hopefully see her more often and get a look into what she’s like on a more day-to-day basis. See how she copes with her familial problems on the days they really upset her. Maybe even coming a bit more out of her shell and joining their school’s chess team.

- Thelonious fully coming to terms with his sexuality. I’m hoping, if he’s not already publicly out, that they develop his story of self-acceptance. Do his parents know? His grandparents? The other GHC? The way his sexuality storyline should be handled differently than they did Cyrus’ because everyone’s experience with their own sexuality is unique. I can’t think of how to word this properly, but TJ seems a lot more open and bold about it. He wants the world to know that he’s proud of who he is, because it’s true. Cyrus sought validation and security from others, only to find it in himself. TJ sought validation and security in himself, and found it in others. These two have such an amazing dynamic, and it would be amazing to explore TJ’s inner workings to the level that Cyrus’ have been.

- TJ and Cyrus being more than each other. I want them to branch out and grow into successful young people who value their own personal lives as individuals as much as they value the relationship they have together. Obviously Cyrus tries out for Grant’s drama club and TJ tries out for the school’s basketball team, but imagine their new interests! Cyrus on the debate team, TJ in the school’s orchestra, Cyrus on student council, TJ in a peer mediation group! The possibilities are endless.

•••

Those were some of the heavier things I thought would be likely/addressable in the show, but here’s some smaller, less thought-out ideas would still like to see:

- Walker also attends SAVA. I feel as though he’s at least a year older than the GHC (same age as Amber) and has been there a year before Andi.

- Marty possibly also being jealous of Buffy. Possibly as a result of Rachel being so jealous of Buffy. Not to the extent that it’s toxic, but just enough to create room for growth. A good way to address the cycle of jealousy. Plus Marty has no character flaws yet, soo.

- A social hierarchy at their new high school. Sure, Jefferson might have had one too with Christina or the boys’ basketball team, but high school hierarchies are very real. They’re both subtle and unspoken but also noticeable and in-place.

- All the Muffy and Tyrus hugs. Sadly leaving poor Jonah as the fifth wheel, lmao.

- Buffy, Jonah, TJ, and Cyrus are either suddenly too busy for one another or one realize they’re all growing apart. (Think of the dynamic between Shane and Mitchie in Camp Rock 2 lmao) High school does tend to separate people from one another, and peer groups shift all the time.

- Andi not cutting her hair short again. I’ve noticed that she cut her hair again somewhere around the beginning of Season 2 and again at the beginning of Season 3 maybe. Either it’s a personal choice for her, or the crew on the show wanted her to keep a consistent look (I’m going with the latter). I think that her hair growth could be a metaphor for her character growth, seeing as she’s branched out and not worried about keeping things the same anymore.

- Other groups of people being represented. Maybe we might get a Muslim character, a dark-skinned character, a non-binary or gender nonconforming character. While the show does have a way with tossing aside its background characters, it would still be great for them to be shown in the AM universe.

- The return of other background characters like Iris, Libby, Reed, pink backpack kid, Leo, etc.!

- Buffy continuing the trend of carrying Cyrus.

- Any other character questioning their sexuality, now that Cyrus (and by then, TJ) are out. We’ve all kinda headcanoned Amber to be lesbian, despite all the Jamber; Andi to be pansexual despite all the Jandi; Jonah to be bisexual, less and less as the show progressed; and Bex to be bisexual, though now that she’s married I don’t want anything to happen to Bexie.

- An episode or two focusing on racism. A little bit more real-life, internalized racism than the racial prejudice towards Buffy’s hair and the racial stereotypes Andi faced.

•••

There are so many possibilities that a fourth season could bring us! And with Hulu, they might have less restrictions than Disney Channel laid down. I know that we shouldn’t get our hopes up too much, but I felt as thought we should start discussing what a fourth season would even be like before asking for one without speculation. That’s all I have at the moment, but maybe as time progresses I’ll think of some other things that I’d like to see or remember some plot points they left open.

I hope that if we do get renewed that it will still feel like Andi Mack, and that the future content still possesses the same kind of energy it gave off so well. As of right now, for me, it’s still all a bit fuzzy. I can’t believe the show ended. We got what we wanted, and yet are still yearning for more. That’s when you know something is good material, when it keeps you hooked despite any and all of the curveballs it may throw.

Somewhere out there, Andi, and Buffy, and Cyrus, and Thelonious, and Marty, and Amber, and Bex, and Bowie, and Cece are all living their best lives. It was amazing to experience their stories alongside them.

♡ Andi Mack will live on in our hearts, Hulu or not ♡

•••

(I know, I use a lot of commas I’M SORRY)

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #262

WoW will probably start to take over my life again tomorrow oof so expect surveys to slow down some.

What do you wish people wouldn't call you? The only one I don't really like is Girt calling me "kid." He doesn't mean it in a derogatory way or anything like that; he's just always called me that since I was a high school freshman and he was a senior. Now as an adult that's been through things I don't believe anyone deserves, it's kinda weird but more so frustrating as, regardless of his intentions, I somewhat feel belittled. I've never said anything directly about my discomfort, though, so it's my own fault. I just don't want to make him feel bad for doing it for years lmao. What do people say about your name upon learning it for the first time? They don't say anything; my name is very ordinary. Why did you choose the hair length you have? I have a few reasons. The biggest is because I was just bored of average, long hair, and the fact I was at the time having a very hard time with self-care. My hair would get incredibly knotted to where it was hard to even brush it sometimes. Makes me shiver thinking back on it. For my own sanity and ease, it needed to be gone. Also, with how STUPID hot I get, cutting it all off helped with the weight of my hair (it's v thick) but more importantly how hot it made me it the warm months. Zero regrets chopping it all off, omg. If your hair could be ANY color, what would you pick? At this very moment, I really want silver hair. Do you wish your hair was longer or shorter than it is now? It needs a trim. Do you think you're attractive? (It's okay to say yes =P) No; I think I wouldn't look ALL to bad if I lost some more weight (I've literally been on a weight loss plateau for two fuckin years). When I was perfectly healthy, I didn't think I was very pretty even back then, but now that I look back, I feel I was decently pretty. Not gorgeous, but. What is your favorite band? Ozzy Osbourne. :') What is your favorite movie? The Lion King. The second one is like directly behind it. Finding Nemo is also very precious to me. What is your favorite book or magazine? The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton and Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo. What is your favorite song? Ugh, this is impossible. I love way way too many. I suppose maybe... "Death Inc." by Motionless In White? Idk. What is your favorite color to wear? Black, duh. If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would you go and why? South Africa because I want to spend time with and take pictures at the Kalahari Meerkat Project and especially pet a Whiskers meerkat. I WILL cry. Meerkats literally changed my life. So many people I wouldn't know... If you got the chance and wouldn't get caught, would you cheat on a lover? NOOOOO the guilt though. Someone drops a fifty dollar bill and doesn't notice. Will you tell them? Definitely. I'd feel awful otherwise. Would you ever pierce something on your face? I already have my lip and tongue pierced, and I did have my nostril pierced, too. I want more, particularly an undereye microdermal if I can switch to contacts... which I don't like. I think it'd look pretty dumb with glasses. Are you selfish? EVERYONE should be to a degree depending on the occasion. Doing what is best for you is not a bad thing. Are you mean to people who are different from you? Wow no. I find people "different" from me interesting. Do you make fun of obese people? By the BMI definition, I am one of those people. So take a guess? Do you eat when you're upset? I have to fight that extremely hard, because I usually do experience the impulse to comfort eat when I'm very depressed. I've gotten way better at it, though. What if you had to choose between feeding yourself or feeding your pets? I honestly don't know for sure what I'd do... but I think I would prioritize my pets, honestly. It would break me to watch them suffer and lose weight. What if you saw someone being beaten on the street? YOOOO I READ THIS AS "EATEN" FIRST. But anyway I'd call the cops ASAP. There's a possibility I'd intervene if I felt myself capable of taking on the assailant. What if it was you being beaten? According to the night terrors I've had beyond count, curse like a motherfucker and fight back while calling for help. Who's the most important person to you (related)? Mom. Who's the most important person to you (non-related)? Sara. What's more important to you, happiness or success? Happiness. What's more important to you, your happiness or someone else's? Depends on the person. List the ten most important things to you: Oh, yikes. No order: 1.) My peace of mind, health, and happiness; 2.) my family; 3.) my pets; 4.) my career future; 5.) my friends; 6.) a YouTuber I've never met lmao; 7.) my pebble from my partial hospitalization program; 8.) Teddy's ashes; 9.) the Mark mug Sara gave me sobs; 10.) and the RP site I'm on. Like if it disappeared tomorrow with all the profiles and history and stuff I would break the earth in half oof. Have you ever lived in a mobile home? No. Have you ever had your bedroom in a basement? No. How many times in the past week have you eaten fast food? Hm. I don't think once. In the house - shoes, socks, slippers or bare feet? Bare feet.\ Do you consider dogs inside or outside pets? Usually indoor, depending on the breed and the time of year. What’s your favourite piece of furniture in your house? ig my bed? Have you ever had a crush on a friend’s parent? Yikes no. Do you prefer carbonated or uncarbonated drinks? Sucker for carbonated over here. Favorite thing that you can see up in the sky? A full moon. Would you rather eat at the table or in your room? I'm so used to eating in my room. Do you like the sound of birds singing when you wake up, or is it annoying? I love it. If someone gave you a kitten, would you keep it? I'd love to, but it'd really be my mom's choice. What’s your ideal activity for a rainy day? Nap oh lawd. Favorite type of cracker? Cheez-Its. Banana sandwich... yum or yuck? Only yum with peanut butter. Animal you like to watch but sort of creeps you out: Spiders. Bagels or English Muffins? Bagels. Do you like to daydream about sex? I do it sometimes. Which of your parents do you laugh more with? My dad is really funny. Have you ever been to an open casket wake or funeral? Wake, yes. Who mows the lawn at your house? A family friend. Have you ever written a story from beginning to end? When I was little and was writing that meerkat story, yes. I started on the sequel but didn't get far. What’s a big turn on for you? Being genuinely interested in what makes me me. Actually wanting to know the littlest things about me. Just show sincere interest. Are you doing anything tomorrow? I do know I'm fuckin finally getting my laptop home. Does your car have a name? N/A Do you own clothes from any celebrity clothing lines? No, but a bitch is getting a Cloak shirt or hoodie at some point. Who was the last person you ranted about? My bitch of a cousin for being a disrespectful fuck when all my dying grandmother wants is to talk as a group with the whole family. I ranted to Mom though, not in the group chat because I'm actually mature enough to not talk shit when, again, all our grandma wants is peace and love between us at the end of her life. I was SEETHING. Know any magic tricks? I don't remember any. I LOOOOOVED those magic kits as a kid, though. Is there music in your head right now? Right now "Dirty Pretty" by In This Moment is on, so does that count as "in my head?" Would you like to become a dancer? It'd be very cool, most certainly, and due to taking dance classes so long, I tend to think of potential dances in my head when I hear like... any song, lol. I'd love to be one if I had the grace and endurance + no hyperhydrosis. Name one person of the same sex as you you wouldn't mind doing: Hunny I'm bisexual, there's a lot, lmao. Dream woman? Uhhhh. Maybe my friend Alon. She was like one of my first hints I wasn't straight, lmao. But idk, I find soooo many women to be attractive. What is the most gory film you've seen? One of the Saw movies. What a surprise, ik. Ever fallen down a hole? ZOINKS no. Do you work better in a clean or messy environment? Clean, durr. Do you know any vegans? Only online. Do you like bananas? I am VERY picky with bananas. They have to be perfect. My preferred ripeness lasts only like, two days. .-. What's a film you've seen that confused you? Oh boy, idk. I don't watch many films... especially if I'm confused and the plot isn't great, I'll stop watching. WAIT!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!! I went to see Warcraft when it came out and I was so fuckin lost just because the orcs' voices are so goddamn deep that I just sat there like "uhhhh sir come again????" I didn't play Classic, and I'm not great at remembering every aspect of the plot, so. I'm to this day p confused lmao. Do you ever wear black lipstick? I really only ever wear black. What is next to your bed? I have a white shelf to my left where I put my meds, a drink, the fan... that kind of stuff. My cat's food bowl is to the right of it on the floor. Are your fingernails dirty? Nope. Have you ever fell for someone believing you could "fix" them? Not for that reason, no. Describe a picture of yourself that you hate: LASKJDLKFJAOWJE my friend took a picture of me eating a hot dog once and joked she was putting that shit on Facebook and it was funny as shit but thank Christ she was in fact joking. Would you rather play a good or an evil character in a play? While I'd love to be the evil one, I'd probably make it too cheesy because I am a BAD actress. Has anybody ever lied to you just to impress you? Story of one of my "best" friendships. What's your favourite shade of blue? Baby blue, probs. Can you remember a world before iPods? I do indeed. On rides to school when I sat in the back, I would bring one of those portable CD players with me to play discs. Where did you go on your last date? I can't remember the place's name... Lume's? Something like that? Breakfast place in Illinois. Do people find you "cute"? It happens sometimes. Who does the best remixes? Oh idk, I don't pay much attention to this. Where do you get your news? Facebook, lmao. What social stigma does society need to get over? What DOESN'T it need to get over???? What was the last photo you took? Probably something funny on Facebook to send to Sara lmao. I will get memes to her some way. What mythical creature do you wish actually existed? As badly as I want to say dragons, I don't think it'd be a great idea, heh... Maybe dryads. What are you interested in that most people aren't? As of recently, TARANTULAS. I've fallen in LOVE with them. What's the most ridiculous thing you have bought? No clue. What sounds hit you with major nostalgia every time you hear them? The gem collecting sound from Spyro. It was my text ringtone on my last phone! I need to move it over to my current one. What was the biggest realization you have had about yourself? I was possibly the bigger villain than Jason in the breakup. But idk. What topic could you spend forever talking about? Gay rights. Which way should toilet paper hang, over or under? In the original patent, it was designed as going over. GMM knowledge. Therefore I find over as correct, BUT I ultimately don't care like... at all. I don't even really notice when I go in the bathroom. Are you usually early or late? Usually slightly early. What do you wish you knew more about? Politics so I could be a more helpful member of society alksdjfka;lw What is the most annoying question you've been asked? It's not really like, annoying I guess, but the closest would be just how frequently people see my lip ring and ask if it hurt. It's incredibly sensitive skin, and even if it wasn't, a needle went all the way through it. Like... guess. News flash: being stabbed hurts, lmao. Like I always explain that it's not awful, but duh, there is pain. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Yummm chocolate. What was the worst phase in your life? 2020 thinks it's a bad guy, but lemme tell ya, shit's got nothing on 2016. Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream? I hate sprinkles on anything. Just an annoying texture with negligible flavor. The last time you went out to eat - what did you order? It was just a milkshake. Do you have all 32 teeth? I'm missing two wisdom teeth that just never grew in. Do you know how to do the moon walk? Never tried. What is one of your favorite comedy movies? White Chicks. Has anybody ever told you that you have a good singing voice? Yeah. I don't think I do. Onion rings or french fries? Fries. Not an onion ring fan. Who is the best cook that you know? Sara's mom is great, omgggg. She's cooked things I generally don't like yet I wound up enjoying. Can you name 3 different dinosaurs? Let's see: Spinosaurus, stegosaurus, velociraptor. I was a dino kid, man, just gettin' started. *finger guns* What's the largest amount that you can juggle at one time? I can’t juggle. What was your favorite thing to go on at the playground as a kid? I'd daaaash for the swingset. Do you know how much you weighed at birth? How much? Ummm I think 6-something pounds? 7? Where do you spend most of your time at? At home. In my bed. Exciting stuff, y'know. What noise does your favorite animal make? If my memory serves me right, they have over 40 vocalizations, but I'd say barking and chirping are the most ordinary/basic. Have you ever fallen in the toilet when you were little? lol I don't think so. What is the best kind of mac & cheese? I'm a basic-ass Velveeta bitch lmao. Who is your favorite oldies band? Boy oh BOY, you're asking a classic rock/metal addict. Of course it's Ozzy tho. But I love soooo many!! What is your favorite farm animal? Pigs! Do you like to play Monopoly? I'm not a big fan, no. What is the most fun restaurant you have ever been to? I like the vibe of Buffalo Wild Wings. Or I just have good memories there. What size bra do you wear? I'm actually not sure. I haven't bought new ones in a while and I don't think the ones I currently have are the right size anyway. Do you have a ceiling fan in your room? No. Who was your favorite Sesame Street character? I don't remember too well, but I think Cookie Monster? What about Muppet? Idr. What was going through your mind during the presidential campaign? I am sadly paying no attention. What do you think of the Duggar family ( 17+ kids )? Could you handle taking care of that many children? Ew, hell no. I don't believe the number of children warranted in a family should be legally monitored, it's much more difficult than that, BUT RATHER I'm very firm about knowing when it's more than enough. Population control is a thing. NOBODY needs that many kids imo, not even close to that. So far, what is the number one, best decision you have ever made? How has it affected your life? Letting go of Jason/accepting life without him. It has made my life much, much brighter and healthier. Have you reunited with any old friends recently? Was it awkward, or just like old times? No. When was the last time you talked to your first ex? February of 2017. Wow... been a long time. How different is your online personality from your offline personality? I am MUCH more outgoing and talkative online. What are your favorite holiday-themed movies? Jim Carrey's How The Grinch Stole Christmas, Hocus Pocus, The Nightmare Before Christmas, etc... Do you listen to Christmas/winter-themed music when the season comes around? No. Is there anything that you do that’s potentially controversial? Yes. What is your most recent obsession? Most recent, whew, tarantulas. I'm really gonna try talking Mom into letting me get one when/if we move. Do you say “merry Christmas” or “happy holidays”? To you, does it really matter which one is said/you say? Do you do your best to remain politically correct? Instinctually, I say "merry Christmas;" that's what has always been said around me. I personally see zero problem in calling it whatever... Like just appreciate someone wishing you well. You get the concept, and that's all you really need imo. As for political correctness, I'm kinda... down the middle? Like I feel it's been taken way, way too far, but I see some caution in wording as wise. If you could relive one week of your life, which would it be, and why? Would you do anything differently, or keep it all the same? Ugh, my first visit at Sara's. I just loved it so, so much. I think I wouldn't change a thing. It felt perfect. Is there a part of your life you wish you could remember, but can’t? Sometimes when I take these surveys and they ask "how old were you when...", ha ha. Frustrates me. What was the last thing/event to trigger a painful memory? It was last night, actually. The Final Fantasy VII remake is out, and I started watching a YouTuber I like play it. Jason got me to play the original, playing it a lot when we spent time together, but I only got a bit beyond half-way through before my PS3 broke. Cherished memories, so it was decently triggering indeed. I loved the game though and ABSOLUTELY want to see it played out in its entirety, so I shoved past the pain and am glad I did. Now I'm anxiously awaiting the next video aljkdsjfawe Y'ALL I wanna play more FF. What do you think of people that choose not to vote? I can't say anything, seeing as I never have voted before... Are you keeping anything from the people you love? Nothing important, no. Have you ever written a suicide note, whether joking or not? Yes, and that stupid novel is one of my biggest regrets. Who the FUCK would joke about that, though. When was the last time you let something ‘go to your head’? Not even like an hour ago. This happens allllll the time. When are you most likely to show off? Maaan Guitar Hero used to be good for that shit, ha ha. I was an expert at that back in its day. I haven't played it in forever, and on the rare occasion I do, I am suuuper rusty. Which would you prefer: spectacular view of the ocean, or of the mountains? MOUNTAINS!!!!!! Do you follow any dating rules/play any dating games? No. When was the last time you felt extremely confident about something? ME????????? CONFIDENT???????????? WHAT A CONCEPT!!!!!!!!!! When was the last time you blew the seeds off of a dandelion? Wow, not a clue. Probably not since we lived at my old house and I would go on walks down the path. What was the last thing that happened that you couldn’t explain? Oh I dunno. What do you do with all of your spare change? I just keep it in my wallet. Where did you hear about your all-time favorite band? He was and still is one of my mom's favorites! How many cans of soda do you drink in a day? AHHHHHH soda is my biggest nutritional weakness. I refuse to let myself drink more than one a day now though. It's funny and disgusting, when I was HEALTHY AND SKINNY I could on a rare occasion start a fourth can in a single day. Nowadays the thought almost makes me shiver. What is the oldest thing that you own? and the newest? The oldest thing, ummm. Not sure. Probably a stuffed animal in the attic. I just got two new books today! Is there anything you wish you had never found out about? Yep. A number of things. What is something that you refuse to believe in? Astrology. What is something you wish more people believed in? Gay rights. What food is your ultimate comfort food? Ice cream. Have you ever put anything inside a time capsule? What? OMGGGG I remember doing this in elementary school as a class! I don't recall what was in it, though. Is there too much violence on tv, or are people to sensitive? Too sensitive, but also negligent. It's got a lot to do with raising, imo. Don't show kids wild shit at too young of an age, and when they are shown this kind of stuff, you make it obvious that the behavior/content is unacceptable irl. Entertainment is not responsible for someone's shitty actions made with their own volition. What is something you used to fear, but no longer do? My first huge fear was thunderstorms. Now I enjoy them lol. Do you think it’s important to know a 2nd language? Not mandatory, no. Especially depends on if you're going anywhere. Do you know anyone that’s just naturally good at almost everything? My old friend Hannia IMMEDIATELY came to mind. She was the best in class GPA-wise, first chair for flute in band, and just in general STUPID talented. Do you know anyone that’s just bad at everything? BITCH ME What is one emoticon you use often? A sarcastic :^) or <3 What is one emoticon you almost never use? A lot, particularly ones with equal signs for eyes.

[turingtestr]

mobile post of all my information for the anon who wanted a mobile rules / bio. i could make a google docs but i’m burnt out. please also note, i haven’t even GLANCED at my bio i wrote for elijah since 2018, so uh... i should probably do that. sorry if it’s bad.

ONE. due to the nature of my roleplaying style, there will absolutely be mature themes here and there on this blog. all and any mature themes that involve sexual topics of the nsfw variety will only be written with muses that are 18+. as for those people that are 18+ that follow me, i fully understand if you do not want to write any nsfw content, and if any threads lead to that we can fade to black. just ask me, i’m fairly easy going and more than happy to make people feel welcome. it is not a requirement to rp nsfw content with me and i will never force anyone to do that. !

TWO. this is a selective/private blog. i really only roleplay with mutuals, however you’re more than welcome to reply to any of my open starters if i specify that you can but just know i might not reply because i (1) don’t know your muse, (2) have zero muse for the reply and will get to it later, (3) have no interest in the thread, or (4) am uncomfortable with something on your blog. roleplaying is also a HOBBY for me. i work full time and sometimes i genuinely cannot reply fast. if you hassle me to reply to things, i will not want to roleplay with you and it will turn me off from roleplaying with you completely. in fact, if you harrass me to reply to threads, i will automatically unfollow you because i’m not about that life of being pushed to reply to things. if you spam my follow button to try and get my attention, that will result in a soft block on your behalf. please don’t test my patience. if you do not have your ooc name on your page i will not follow you, due to me thinking hiding your ooc alias is shady and sketchy af.

THREE. i love shipping and i love roleplaying so much. this is not a single ship blog and none of the ships i portray are at the same time (unless further discussed with muns, of course).MY PRIMARY CHLOE SHIPPING PARTNER IS @TURINGTESTEE, which means that if kamski mentions chloe in a verse, he's most likely talking about this chloe. if there are any verses that kamski is going to have one single ship, i will make sure to let people know that in the verse description section once i make it. otherwise, my muse is a free for all. if i do have mains, which will be listed, they are just the people i will reply to the most, however, i won't actually limit myself to only roleplaying with them and i hope my mains respect and are comfortable with that.

FOUR. tagging triggers is something that means a lot to me as i am not comfortable with NEEDLES OR PUPPETS on my dashboard so i blacklist needles tw and puppets tw. i know it’s weird but hey, we all have our things. please let me know if you need anything tagged- even if i don’t personally follow you. you deserve a clean and safe dashboard to roleplay in. WARNING.

FIVE.anon hate will be deleted on the spot. no exceptions. i don’t care about your petty feelings and i won’t tolerate them in the slightest. i’m not here to entertain horrible people’s opinions of myself. constructive criticisms are allowed, but at the respect of myself reblogging a meme asking for it specifically.

SIX. mutuals are allowed to ask for my wire or discord, since i use both and would love to rp on both. i also play dead by daylight on ps4, so if you’d be down to game as well, feel free to hit me up there too! overwatch on ps4 is ITSGEOFFREY so you can add me there too.

SEVEN. i very rarely will send in passwords, as i do not require it and i should not have to be tested on your blog to be allowed to roleplay with someone. usually if you have a password, i genuinely just didn’t think to look for it and i apologize if this upsets you but you probably won’t see any from me.

EIGHT. please take into consideration while dealing with kamski that he has high signs of NPD & a huge god complex.

-----

BIOGRAPHY

NAME: Elijah Dean Kamski ALIASES: Eli, Lij, Boss, Kamski GENDER: Male AFFILIATION: Cyberlife Technologies, currently retired AGE: 36

THE START

there's many days where the kamski family would have a bit of struggles, as elijah grew up. he never knew much about his father, seeing as his father passed when he was a very young boy — no more than six. he'd never grown to know too much about him, and his mother didn't overly want to share about him, so it was safe to say the woman had a reason for not telling elijah and that was that.

growing up with a single mother who had severe epilepsy, elijah tried his very hardest to make his mother's life as easy as possible. school days would be very short considering he'd go straight home from school in order to watch after his mother. some days with his mother, depending on the medication the doctors had recommended her, would be better than others. she always appreciated her son's committment to being with her and he was determined to make life easy on the two of them. using the money she got from the state, she'd try to urge her son go into extra cirricular activiies he wanted to do, however he only dismissed the ideas, claiming that he'd rather be home. he'd use the money to spend on textbooks, wanting to develop his own version of a Vagus nerve stimulation device. one that would make sure to surge with electrical pulses before his mother even remotely had to move herself to activate the device. computer engineering was his goal, and he'd stop at nothing to get through that.

as life continued on, elijah continued to shove his head into books and continuously study. he pushed through high school faster than anyone had expected, at age ELEVEN he had shown his studies to multipile colleges, showing his theories on how to better create medical devices.

THE CHANGE

the university of colbridge had been a struggle for elijah, being the youngest student there. studying medical engineering was easy, and he had decided to double major in computer engineering as well, to perhaps attempt to integrate the two. though school was difficult, the hardest part was being away from his mother. the school had refused to let him travel back and forth, saying that freshmen had to stay on campus as apart of regulations and requirements from the state. when he started college, his mother had decidded upon asking the state for a caregiver- on the off chance that something did happen. with the VNS that was already implanted in her, she was able to have a job during the day, but the caretaker was supposed to just oversee her during the nights. it settled eli's anxiety about his mother a little bit. four months into his freshman year, eli had woken up to a call from the san antonio police, letting him know that his mother had been rushed to the hospital after having a grand mal seizure and hitting her head on their marble counters. apparently the caretaker assigned to look after his mother hadn't even shown up that night. he quickly rushed home, terrified what had happened.

something, however that night had turned elijah into a bitter person. into someone against humanity. though his mother had survived the seizure, things weren't the same for either of them. after knowing his mother's caretaker had ABANDONED her, elijah had fully decided to go more into engineering to create a way for humans to be more reliable. what was more reliable than humanity? MACHINES. something that would always obey. obedient machines that had a purpose and a task and would see it through. dropping fully out of medical engineering, elijah settled for computer science and engeineering instead. the utter drive to create a better human than humans themselves was so strong that by the age sixteen, elijah had worked together with a team of classmates to create the first medical assistant androids. REVOLUTIONARY KICKSTARTER model 100, or RK for short. RK100 was born and tested on his mother, who seeemed quite uneasy, but only wanted to support her son.

ENTER CYBERLIFE

though it wasn't perfect, the ark series took off. mainly piquing interest in san diego, california. the backbones of the mega-billion dollar company that would be founded by elijah kamski and his cohorts suddenly had at least three hundred backers trying to support the small business after seeing what a success the RK100 was at being not only a companion for his mother, but also how helpful the RK was at it's job. the medical caretakers were able to do so much, and suddenly with the money that was being thrown at the group, elijah became more than enthused with power. hungry for it, almost.

making more medical related androids were being highly requested, and the team set out to create diffrent functions for androids, trying to perfect everything.

taking into consideration his mother — his finest mentor and most trusted support, and what she thought of the androids, he sought out to consult with his old AI professor, Amanda Stern, on how to make the androids a bit more lifelike. It was hard, at least for what his mother admitted, for a human to trust a machine that looked like a machine to help themselves out through life. upon her advice, eli threw himself into work, the team of cyberlife growing into a business, and then a wide scale company alongside elijah's work. no matter what, the man was the front of the company, having done the majority of the coding and research in what brought the androids to life. the company sought after targeting the cheapest land developments in the united states in order to make their headquarters and warehouses, bringing CYBERLIFE to DETROIT, MICHIGAN where it currently resides.

it takes kamski four years after founding cyberlife to come out with a brand new appearance for his androids. something human like after struggling and struggling to engineer the perfect components to theorize biological functions. this equiptment created became biocompotenents, but it still wasn't enough to make thes he was creating look HUMAN. but after all the struggles and finally figuring out a way to regulate something akin to blood into the android's system, elijah kamski in the year 2022 releases the RT REVOLUTIONARY TURING model; a personal assistant to elijah kamski that uses the alias ' CHLOE '. Cyberlife has been thurst into the spotlight and once again Elijah Kamski realizes that these advancements in the world have honestly made people envious. the public demands the rights to these androids and while he still is bitter over humanity and the lack of reliabilty that humans provide for the world, he obliges. Cyberlife goes public with their androids and the public are now able to put a price tag on androids.

THE REVOLUTION

the world that assumes elijah kamski is nothing but a greedy, power-hungry boss of a CEO for cyberlife overlooks one important fact: he still wants revenge on the world. his mother passes on at the age 43, a few years before his greatest mentor amanda stern passes. the loss of both role models awakens a vengeful force in elijah kamski. one that wants to remind the world that mortality is relevant for all. cyberlife has created over thousands of models, all for different functions and he looks upon his kingdom with hopeful eyes as well as bitterness. humanity has become less reliant. they've become lazier. androids have become the working force, for the most part, and while elijah sees that as a positive note because it is moving forward away from the laziness and unreliability of humanity — the CEO is fully aware that his androids are becoming more and more human like the more and more they develop. the deviant base code is never once touched. always overlooked by cyberlife developers who dare not touch the work of the first working android made by elijah kamski himself. while he's aware he, himself, is mortal just like the rest of humanity, seeing his creations become sentient, to rise up against the laziness and unreliable humanity that he lives among has been his goal. he just awaits the REVOLUTIONARY KICKSTARTER 200 to actually get pushed to the brink of going through his code.

now it's just a game of waiting to see who pushes who, and who comes up on top. it's always a delight to play god.

THE SIBLING ALTERNATE UNIVERSE

i'm not going to be writing a brand new biography for the gavin / elijah brothers universe, but i need to work out how they can be related with my current bio, or i might just go off of a gavin's biography. shrug emote.

[purplesurveys]

997

survey by deirdrelove

What is today’s date? October 26th.

Do you have any plans for tomorrow? Just work. All weekdays are for work.

Do you wear perfume or cologne? Usually, perfume. I have colognes too, but I like the scent of my main perfume far more so that’s what I choose to wear most of the time.

What kind of computer are you using? I have a Macbook Air.

What colour is your mouse? I haven’t used one in years. A trackpad has been reliable enough.

Is it sunny outside? It’s not. I’m not updated on the news but I think we’re supposed to have a really powerful typhoon pass by for the next few days, so the wind has been violent and howling all morning. Some of my co-workers have had power outages at home only used their mobile data today so yeah, it’s not looking too good. I’ve closed my windows for the meantime so that they don’t smash just in case the wind blows too hard.

What has the weather been like lately? It’s been very cold all weekend because of the rain, but it also gets humid every now and then. Still, it’s cold enough for me to turn off my fan all day which is good enough.

When was the last time you cried? Last night, I think.

When was the last time you sincerely smiled? I don’t remember. Maybe last night or yesterday afternoon.

When was the last time you laughed freely? I can’t tell you. I really can’t remember when the last time was. I’ve chuckled here and there, of course; it just hasn’t been hearty for a while now.

Do you eat breakfast regularly? No. I only have a cup of coffee so that I can get properly awake for workkk.

Do you take vitamins? Not regularly.

When was the last time you took aspirin or some other pain reliever? Saturday. I had a headache and was feeling a little dizzy so I had to take a Biogesic.

When did you learn to tie your shoes? Kinder 2, when I was five. One of our ‘exams’ was for the teachers to check if we can already tie our shoes, so my grandma had to teach me. I’m super awful with my hands though, and to this day I still struggle with tying my shoelaces and I still take longer than anyone I know.

What was your favourite grade in elementary school? 5th was fun until things fell apart by the end of it; 7th was great throughout.

Do you like clouds? I like when it’s cloudy, but I don’t lie on the ground and look at clouds.

What colour are your shoelaces? I have several shoes, but I think all of their shoelaces are white.

How many states have you been to? 0.

How many different countries have you been to? 6.

When was the last time you deeply regretted something? September.

Do you go to other people for advice or do you deal with things on your own? I like hearing what my friends have to think because whenever I’ve done things on my own I always fuck it up one way or another, and that sensation gets tiring at some point. Having other perspectives and voices helps as well.

How long was your longest relationship? 4 years.

What is your favourite brand of gum? I don’t have one considering they all lose their taste after a few chews. Whenever someone has gum and shares a piece with me, I just take it regardless of the brand.

What is something that you regularly wear that makes you stand out? I don’t know if I have anything like that. I hate standing out, anyway.

Do you own a debit card? Yuh.

A credit card? Nope.

Are you in debt? I am not.

When is your birthday? *sigh* Again, April 21st...

How old will you be? I’ll be 23.

What kind of cake is your favourite? Cheesecake! Flourless chocolate cakes and red velvet cakes are also great.

Do you prefer small birthday parties or big ones? For parties held by relatives I like them to be big, because it’s always nice to reunite with distant family members that I never get to see. With friends, small and intimate parties do the trick for me.

What song are you listening to now? No music, and I have a YouTube video paused.

Do you download illegal mp3's? I used to convert YouTube videos of audio tracks into MP3, if that counts. I never directly downloaded MP3s though; I always heard horror stories of those things containing viruses or the downloaded file not even storing the actual song.

What was the most traumatic experience of your life? [trigger warning] Being the main witness to my drunk grandfather beating the ever-living shit out of my infant cousin in his stupor when I was 9, and bearing the responsibility to tell that cousin’s mom, who was cooking dinner. I’m pretty sure I aged like 15 years from that moment alone.

Have you ever lost a friend to drugs or alcohol? No.

Who was your childhood best friend? Angela.

Are you still friends now? Yeah, for sure. I just asked her for dyeing tips an hour ago.

If not, why?

Are you sitting at a desk right now? Yes.

Are you eating or drinking? Nope, but I’ll be having dinner in about an hour or so.

How many surveys have you taken today? This is the first one.

Have you ever made a survey? No. I’m not the best in coming up with interesting random questions, so I’ve never given it a shot. Others are way better at it.

If you haven't you should. Its fun. =] I’m sure it is, but I really don’t think I’m creative enough for it.

Did you ever have any sort of collection? Nah.

Do you believe in Karma? I don’t subscribe to the entire concept as it’s defined in Hinduism, but yeah sometimes I’ll refer to its more informal description whenever someone does something that upsets me.

What do you thinks happens to us when we die? Permanent sleep.

What age do you think you'll die? My late relatives all passed between the ages of 70 to early 80s, so maybe by then. But idk, I hope I get my great-grandma’s longevity (she died at 95) because I’m still competitive when it comes to age and I wanna make it to that high a number, ha.

If you knew you had one more month to live what would you do? Well first I’d give out a sigh of relief because thank fuck. After that I’d probably spend the whole month eating all my favorite foods and traveling, at least to the cities that are now accepting visitors. I’d write down instructions for Kimi so that he’s properly cared for, give away my stuff, try to see some friends before it all ends.

About how long was the last book you read? It’s around 600 pages but I’m barely 50 pages in.

Have you read any books by V.C.Andrews? I don’t think so.

Have you ever read a play before? Yes.

A play not written by Shakespeare? Yes.

Have you ever read a play outside of school? Yeah, I have.

What is one career you don't think you could do no matter how much it paid? Engineer.

Would you want to live in the country or the city? City, without a doubt. I like the countryside and it’s certainly relaxing, but I need things to be constantly going on; I like my environment to be hectic, be loud, be busy. Too much quiet isn’t good for me.

Do you prefer large cities or small ones? Large.

Do you/Did you ride the school bus? Yep.

If not how did you get to school?

Do you have iTunes on your computer? Yeah but only because I’m on a Mac and I’m not sure if I can remove the app from my laptop. I haven’t used iTunes since high school though, and if I could I’d get rid of it.

Have you ever edited Wikipedia? Yeah, when I was like 10 lol. It wasn’t to mess around with an entry though; I saw an inaccuracy and genuinely wanted to help out.

Have you ever edited any other wiki? I’m sure I edited more than one page.

Is there a website [besides social networking] that you check almost daily? I don’t think so.

Are you procrastinating? Nope, all my homework for the day’s been done.

Do/Did you make good grades in school? In college, yes. I paid less attention in high school and my grades occasionally showed it.

What is your relationship with your parents like? It’s very casual and not very deep at all. I don’t confide in them, and the thought actually makes me squirm. I’m still skeptical of my mom and I don’t let myself get invested in her after the hurt she’s put me through in the last few years, but at least we don’t yell at each other as much anymore.

Do you have a better relationship with one parent than the other? You can say that. I get along better with my dad.

Do you look like your mom or your dad? Mom. But for some friends, my dad.

Do you write things on your hand to remind yourself? This is what I did in high school, but I haven’t done it since.

Do you use your phone as an alarm? If I need an alarm, yes.

Do you listen to music while you sleep? Nope, but similar. I turn on videos because talking sounds make me sleepy much faster.

Do you get scared when you know some virus or sickness is being passed? I mean if it’s like a plague then yeah, obviously. But to connect this question to today’s situation - after getting used to Covid stats and seeing the ratio of those who die from it vs those who end up healing from it, I’ve highkey stopped being afraid of it lol

Are you realistic? Yes.

Do you sing in the shower? Nope.

[umisabaku]

Hi! Um, I don’t really know how to write this. I think you have a policy of being open to other people playing in your sandbox, drawing and writing and all that, but I’ve found a fic on AO3 that I’m unsure on whether is sorta stealing your idea or not. It’s “the bravest thing i ever did was run” by sodelicate . If they’ve got your permission or I missed a dedicarion/inspired-by note then I’m very sorry, I’m new on mobile devices, and maybe the format is hiding it from me. Anyways I love your D:M

Dear anon-friend, thank you for your concern. I debated answering your ask like this because I *don’t* want anyone to harass the author (so please do not) and I very much wish to protect them from unnecessary attention. But because I had an answer I thought would be helpful for people in different ways, (largely because it touches on things people have messaged me about before), I wanted to keep your original question as a context.

I wholeheartedly believe that it is not possible to ever “steal an idea.” I’m just going to blanket state that. Other people have said it much better than I ever could, but essentially, there is no such thing as originality, only authenticity. If you have been heavily inspired by someone else, and you know that you have been, it is generally considered polite to acknowledge that but it is also not necessary. As long as you have made the story your own, then it is your own. 

I myself have been very upfront that the original concept for Designation: Miracle was inspired by the TV show Dark Angel, therefore I cannot in any way, shape, or form, claim that my ideas are original. If my story serves an inspiration to write a genetic engineering story, then I am honored, but anyone can and should be able to write their own genetic engineering story without having to credit me. What kind of world would we be living in if only the first person to ever write a coffeeshop AU was allowed to write a coffeeshop AU.

I have no idea what inspired the story that you mentioned, but sodelicate has clearly written almost 100K words of their own distinct story, and I wholeheartedly commend them for it, because I know that is no easy task. Anyone who puts that much work into their writing deserves praise and appreciation for the work they have done. 

And I would also like to say that if anyone reading this wants to write a story about people who have escaped from a genetic-engineering lab, please do not hesitate at all. (Again, no one needs my permission to do so, but if you’ve been wondering whether or not you should, please consider this my encouragement that you should.)

As a writer, I like to think that the stories I create are part of a larger dialogue that other creators are free to contribute as much as they would like. (I think, in many ways, that’s the whole point of fanfiction. To participate in the conversation.) Whether you are inspired by other writers or by the same sources, it’s all part of the same conversation, and that’s why creating is important. 

To put it another way: the reason why sandboxes exist is so that multiple people can play in them. Why would I ever want to be the only one playing in the sandbox?

That being said, I very much appreciate your intentions, anon-friend. In the past, my stories *have* been plagiarized, and the only way I knew is because kind souls like yourself told me. While that is not what is happening here, I am sincerely grateful for your concern on my behalf. The two examples of plagiarism I have directly encountered are:

1. Someone reposted my whole story onto Wattpad without any credit or indication that they were not the author of that story.

2. Someone took whole scenes, dialogue, and phrases directly from my own writing and changed the names to include in their story.(Using, word for word, things that I had written in their work). 

These instances of plagiarism were very upsetting and to this day it’s still something that deeply distresses me. I am not sure I can accurately convey what it is like to see someone take credit for words that you’ve written. So please, if anyone does encounter what they know to be words that I have written that someone else is claiming as their own, I am very grateful if you would let me know.

I’m only bringing that up because I think sometimes people can easily confuse what constitutes plagiarism and I try to make a very clear distinction. I strongly disapprove of people who plagiarize, but simultaneously I also strongly encourage people to, as you say, play in the same sandbox, and I very much hope to convey what the difference is between those two things.

So that’s mostly just what I want to clarify, in case anyone is ever wondering. You can never steal an idea, but you can steal someone’s words. And as long as you are not stealing the words, then go forth and create all you want.

Thank you again, anon-friend, and I sincerely hope this was a useful answer to others who might have their own questions or concerns. 

[cyberleaf69]

Good morning[Vietnam]! Let's discuss the future that is already here, this morning. I've been working on this ARTICLE for about half a day. I'm using my internet-connection to gather/verify information[all of which is available to you/anyone]. I'm NOT using a SmartPhone. Two reasons for this:1)too slow, & 2)my 'collected' information now 'lives' on my hard-drive. I have opened a new online account. https://en.wikichip.org/wiki/amd/ryzen_threadripper This account allows me to post comments/replies, where them EE's is discussin' our 'futures' in BB-forums[some not recently active; only 9 participants have been active recently]. I can also start a new discussion/TOPIC, which is exactly what I have already done. BAIT for honey-bears, that is linked to my e-mail-account, so I will receive a notification, if any bears come sniffing around! YOU can do the same exact honey-baiting at any public forum; choose from hundreds of thousands w/BB's just like this one; WikiPedia is set up the same way; you can open an account there, and start suggesting 'edits' to ARTICLES there, and even write the first-ever ARTICLE, on any subject that they have no 4-1-1 on; >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Articles_for_creation If you choose not to register, or you have a conflict of interest but have an idea for a new article with some references, you can create one here and it will be reviewed and considered for publication. <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< become a self-proclaimed Professor[the State of Georgia gave me an honorary PhD, when I used one of their online registration 'editors']!; they even INVITE ordinary folks to do just that; if you request the 411 on something they've not heard about before[you can make-up anything at all, & use it as your search-parameter], you will get an INVITATION[but need an account first; they'll gladly guide you through the whole process], and can see what I'm talking about! Now, when I started the research for this ARTICLE, I needed some images for illustration-purposes; for that, I type my search-parameters into Google's search engine, and often without glancing at the return[Google moves all their paying-customers to the top of a very long list; unless you desire to purchase what you just typed-in, you are in deep-doo-doo at Google][I use Yahoo's ask.com, unless I'm shopping for images], I quickly left-click on "IMAGE" above, and up comes a long list of .jpg's; you can visually-scan images a lot faster than you can a list of 'blurbs' from pages you don't need anyway; each photo is 'sourced' from a page, that has a LINK to it; your eye tells you quickly which pages have what you are looking for; these photos are not 'ranked' like the text-returns, but are ranked for closeness to the search-parameters you have entered[a few minor changes to that text, and you quickly have exactly what you need! When examining the photos, of the key-players in the 7nm-lithography business, I kept on seeing two flags[side-by-side] displayed in the background; I grew curious about the frequency of the phenomenon, all over Taiwan/Taipei[two names/two flags]; I started my research on that aspect of the emerging STORY. You will see below, what turned-up.

Only three semiconductor foundries are currently working on a 7nm process: Intel, Samsung and TSMC. https://en.wikichip.org/wiki/7_nm_lithography_process

Welcome to the space/time 'present[2019],' where the G-5 network is coming to appliances near you! https://en.wikichip.org/wiki/amd/microarchitectures/zen%2B Linux added initial support for Zen starting with Linux Kernel 4.10. https://en.wikichip.org/wiki/amd/cores/pinnacle_ridge Pinnacle Ridge processors are a refresh of Summit Ridge, fabricated on an enhanced process in order to provide a modest frequency bump. Those processors are a complete system on a chip with both the northbridge and southbridge on-die. Pinnacle Ridge chips offer 16 PCIe lanes (generally for the GPU) along with four additional 4 PCIe lanes for SATA and four USB 3.0 links. Those processors use Socket AM4 and can be extended in functionality with the Socket AM4 chipset which provides support for additional resources (i.e., more PCIe lanes and USB ports).

Intel Corporation is an American semiconductor company. While most notably known for their development of microprocessors and x86, Intel also designs and manufactures other integrated circuits including flash memory, network interface controllers, GPUs, chipsets, motherboards, and computers. In addition to x86, Intel used to also design and manufacture ARM-based chips as well as embed ARC-based cores in their products. While they no longer sell such chips, they still use ARM processors in various products (e.g. in their FPGAs) as well as still retain full a architectural level ARM license allowing them to design and sell their own ARM devices should they wish to.

Samsung Electronics Co., Ltd. is a South Korean multinational electronics conglomerate owned by Samsung Group and accounting for roughly 75% of the group's revenue. Samsung is a major manufacturer of electronic products such as microprocessors, flash memory, and many other integrated circuits. Samsung is also the world's largest manufacturer of mobile phones, tablets, and televisions. On May, 2013 Samsung sold off its S3 families of 4-bit and 8-bit microcontrollers to Ixys, parent of Zilog for $50M.

TSMC http://www.tsmc.com

Taiwan Semiconductor Manufacturing Company (TSMC) is the world's largest pure-play semiconductor foundry.

https://exploretraveler.com/tag/hsinchu-science-and-industrial-park/

https://www.most.gov.tw/?l=en

image from Emirates' aircraft[windows for passengers] The email that Emirates’ Uniform Standards and Development Manager sent out to employees read as follows:

   We have been instructed by the Chinese Government that with immediate effect, Emirates airline cabin crew are to follow the One China policy. This means you must remove the Taiwanese flag from your service waistcoat and replace it with the Chinese flag.    This must be followed by all Taiwanese crew without exception.    Additional stock of Chinese flags have been ordered and expected to arrive in the coming weeks. You will receive an email when they arrive. In the meantime carry the attached letter to show your seniors why you are not wearing a flag.

Then Emirates sent a follow-up email to crew members, “after reviewing [their] responses,” acknowledging that the request was “incorrect and inappropriate.” Here’s what that email said:

   After reviewing your responses to the email below the original request for you to wear a Chinese flag was incorrect and inappropriate.    Please refrain from wearing your Taiwanese flags on flights until further notice. Therefore no flag is required on your uniform.    I do apologize for any upset that I may have caused.

panda says: May 31, 2017 at 10:07 am

@doublejade Emirates clearly stated China was behind their actions in the emails. Instead of hurling insults you should learn how to read.

The request by Emirates would be like Russia asking a US president to wear their flag… oh wait bad example 🙂

AdamR says: May 31, 2017 at 11:20 am

What bugs me most about this is it comes across that EK is flat out lying about the memo/email. At no point do any of the emails paint the situation with a broad, multi-national brush. It VERY specifically states just the countries of Taiwan and China. If this was really a uniform update, then no countries would be singled-out.

So now they’ve essentially looked like assholes for making the lame requirement in the first place. Then they looked like assholes that don’t know how to properly communicate with their employees and had to retract a previous statement. And now they look like lying assholes that STILL don’t know how to communicate at all, either with their employees or the public. The communications team needs some new leadership and/or expertise. Not to mention how poorly written the emails/memos are from a grammatical standpoint. Robert says: May 31, 2017 at 11:29 am

China is at fault for oppressing a country and EK is at fault for enabling that oppression. Lucky highlights the fact that EK doesn’t even own up to it (who would?). David says: May 31, 2017 at 11:36 am

Taiwan now at least is not a country acknowledged by most of the world’s government. Only part of the people in Taiwan hope to be independent. Cipta says: May 31, 2017 at 11:44 am

Well… a corporate exit has been laid. Sure, Taiwan flag is singled out due China’s pressure. Sure, there is pressure from China government to Emirates or maybe UAE. Sure, Emirates wouldn’t want to lose Chinese market.

So, is China is a bully? Is Taiwanese people/FA are victim here? Its funny to read people’s comments here. Sarcasm were thrown without knowledge of China-Taiwan politics and history. Very funny indeed…. Kevin says: May 31, 2017 at 12:13 pm

@doublejade, your ranting sounds pretty clueless. EK’s Standards and Development Manager’s internal email clearly mentioned “We have been instructed by the Chinese Government that with immediate effect”. If the instruction from Chinese government were not true, EK should have clarified it. But instead, EK used a lousy excuse saying ” This email was sent in error and has since been retracted. The intent is to recall the flag pins worn by all our cabin crew was part of our uniform update.”.

How could such intent result in the original email? And how on earth this excuse proved the instruction from Chinese government was untrue? If Chinese government didn’t interfere at all, how would the manager even mentioned that? The excuse at most simply implied the manager should not have sent out that email to stir the controversy.

Unless somehow you find out their manager was actually lying or his/her account was hacked to send a fake email, it’s very logical to assume Chinese government interference on EK’s business is real. Even if the manager sent out that email by accident, that does not change the fact revealed in the mail.

So to me, Lucky drew his judgement based on what presented there. How did it make him close minded? NOW I'M RESEARCHING MR. 'LUCKY' Without getting any deeper here, into History or Politics, I'll simply say  that the 'flag-controversy' in Taiwan was not news to me; one of the two flags, in so many of those photos, looks an awful-lot-like one of PUTIN's flags! I'll leave it up to my readers to decide; is there cause for alarm here? *** https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/olympics/2018/11/22/olympic-referendum-shall-it-be-taiwan-or-chinese-taipei/38584381/ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dutch_Formosa https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Taiwanese_flags#/media/File:Flag_of_the_Netherlands.svg  -  click here to see the 'suspect' 'Russian flag' https://www.most.gov.tw/folksonomy/list?menu_id=ab79b892-bd5b-4285-b544-9e6cc9602c83&l=en&view_mode=listView  -  MOST

https://eng.taiwan.net.tw/

[katiekeysburg]

many many many thoughts on Infinity War

i’m not sure this will even make sense.  spoilers

why does the read more not work on mobile

spoilers

spoilers

spoilers

last chance

GOTG

My favorite thing about the movie, by far, is the role the Guardians of the Galaxy played in it.  They are my favorite, so that’s not surprising, but I honestly expected they’d be more like guest stars.  They will probably be benched for most of the second film tho, so I guess this makes up for it.

Everything about meeting Thor is absolutely perfect.  The crew’s fawning over him, Peter’s jealousy, “a pirate and an angel had a baby”.  Thor assuming Rocket is in command because Peter is being so childish.  I was laughing so hard for the whole thing, but my favorite moment was when Rocket goes to leave.  Peter has a short aside with him, not unlike their aside when Peter, Gamora and Drax leave Rocket behind on Behar in GOTG2.  Except they part on better terms, indicating how much both characters have grown.

Canon Starmora caught me a bit off guard, but then it’s been a couple years since GOTG2, and now the unspoken thing is now spoken.  That’s an area rich for fanfic to fill in.  I think my main issue was that tonally that seen just careems all over.  Gamora’s flashback, begging Peter to kill her, then they’re kissing.  Then Drax interrupts.  Of all the moments in the film, this one need to breathe a little more to let it happen more naturally.

My favorite part of the movie might be the bit on Knowhere: Gamora’s grief when she thought she killed Thanos, and Peter’s attempt to kill her.  The first GOTG shortchanged Gamora’s decision to move against Thanos and why; at that point she’s just made up her mind.  So I loved seeing a bit more of their family dynamics.  Peter’s attempt to kill her went on a bit too long IMO, but I loved the whole concept.  I didn’t think he’d be able to do it, but he tried! My poor baby.  He’s grown so much.  I can forgive him his ultimate actions, they are understandable and there’s plenty of material to support him.  

Gamora’s too make sense.  I am most upset about that particular death, as her character arc is REALLY NOT COMPLETE.  In my GOTG2 meta I discuss how she’s just barely begun to learn to deal with her emotions.  She’s apparent come some distance since then, since she can tell Peter she loves him. But if this is really the end for her, she won’t ever get to complete her arc and I hate that.  I assume she’s bound with the soul stone and will be back, but I HATES IT PRECIOUS.  FUCK YOU RUSSOS/MARKUS AND MCFEELY IF YOU RUINED THE ARC OF ONE OF MY FAVES.  It would be a really poor choice to fridge her like that, for fucking Thanos and Peter. FUCK.

Anyway, all the Guardians are used to absolute perfect effect within the larger story and with perfect characterization so bless James Gunn for co-producing. Mantis and Drax could have been easily sidelined, and while they don’t really have arcs of their own, they are used to great effect.  

THOR

Thor is my second favorite part.  He zings with everyone, although I didn’t expect the team up of him and Rocket.  It makes perfect sense to send him on a quest, which mirrors his quest to be worthy of the hammer in the original Thor.  It even requires a trial.  And his arrival on Earth with Rocket and Groot is one of the greatest moments ever put on film.

Kinda pissed about Loki tho, even though what we did see of him was perfect.

Other than the Guardians, Thor and Hulk are the only characters who haven’t been in character stasis since Phase 2.  Which is thanks to Ragnarok so BLESS TAIKA WAITITI

STARK/STRANGE/PETER

The Facial Hair bros are not my favorite, but I do appreciate the Stark/Strange pair up.  Their friction is immediately believable and it works. This is Tony’s worse nightmare - not only was he worried he was going to die in space, but now Peter Parker is there too.  It’s really the only climax they could do for Tony at this point, although I’m pretty pissed his character has basically been in neutral since The Avengers.  We’ve seen him try to overcome his fears, try to compensate for them, try to protect against them, and he hasn’t really grown much as a character since then.  He’s struggled, but it hasn’t gone anywhere and it leads him here anyway.  Worse, rather than just be responsible for the Avengers who are at least powerful adults in their own rights, he has Peter who is there because of his actions.

Just cause Tony is a popular character is not a good reason to leave his character spinning until they could get to this movie.  BAH.

Thank goodness for Peter.  I died at his Aliens references.  He lightens up the two Facial Hair bros who would otherwise get too dire.  This group gets a lot better when the Guardians show up tho.  They all get to zing off each other.

I just want Peter and Peter to talk more pop culture.  I really need to write that fucking heist fic for the two of them.  SO MUCH. Fuck.  Anyway, Tom Holland was pure perfection and also used really, really, really well.  

THANOS

I saw praise for developing actual motives for a villain and making him understandable.  Overall I feel pretty meh about Thanos though - he works excellently as a foil for both Avengers and GOTG but independently I don’t think he’d be that interesting.  He’s certainly no Loki or Ego.  It made sense to make this movie his movie, his quest, given where it ended, but I still feel it was a little underdeveloped.  Why go after the stones right this second? What’s he been doing since the Avengers, besides having the gauntlet made?

TEAM CAP

If this movie makes one mistake, it’s who they choose to leave on Earth.  The problem with sending all your funny people to space is that everything on Earth after that sort of lagged.  The only relief was really Bruce reacting to everything he had missed while he was gone, plus whatever lines they could scrounge up for Rhodey and Sam and Oyoke.  The sidekicks do all the heavy lifting but the Earth scenes lack the cohesion of the rest of the movie.  It’s mostly set up and dreary exposition.  If I cut anything out of the movie (besides making every battle shorter) I would cut out Rhodes talking to the Colonel.  That whole scene is WAY too long to establish that Cap is still a criminal and Rhodes was on the other side. 

Honestly, of the many failures Civil War had, one really evident one here is the lack of my ability to care for Vision and Scarlet Witch.  Neither of those characters nor their romance has been developed enough for the importance the plot tries to place on them.  It was present in Civil War but never really clicked.  I think it’s partially the ridiculousness of the very young-written SW in combination with the ridiculous purple android.  The relationship never manages to feel real.

The best part was Black Widow, Scarlet Witch and Oyoke all fighting together, and I want my female Avengers movie.

Cap is given basically nothing to do but show up and look cool.  I’m assuming he will therefore have a bigger part in the next movie, but FUCK if I’m not still pissed at the Russos/ M&M for continuing to kick the Stucky can down the road.  As far as I’m concerned, they’ve never reached and real emotional catharsis or resolution that was promised in Winter Soldier.  Poor Bucky literally keeps getting PUT ON ICE as they used CW to set up this movie, and used this movie to set up Avengers 4.  Deeply uncool. 

FINAL THOUGHTS

The ending sucked.  I hate walking out of a movie theater on a down note.  I get where we are in the structure and why they did it and it will ultimately be fine, but it’s not a great place to end the movie.  It was almost as bad as walking out at the end of Deathly Hollows 1.  It would have been worse, had we not known pretty much everyone that dies has another movie scheduled.  I am kind of glad most of the Guardians are gone actually, since if Gamora is gone at least the others aren’t there to mourn her.  Pretty harsh to leave poor Rocket alone tho, as he’s the least capable of dealing with it. He’s going to make a good foil for Tony in the next movie. 

The stinger at least helped.  The nerd boys in the row behind me thought Fury was calling Nova and I had to correct them that it was Captain Marvel.  They were like “Oh, her.” Fucking sexist ass nerd boys can’t get excited for Captain Marvel.  It will be a great move into Phase 4 to have her show up and work with Gamora in the Soul stone to save all these emotional constipated male superheros who just can’t seem to deal with their issues.

Putting Avengers members with the GOTG crew really just highlights how much of Phase three has been treading water to get here, for every Avengers character but Thor and Hulk.  I absolutely blame Markus and McFeely and Civil War for this too.  Poor Tony has been stuck since IM 3 but Civil War could have done a lot more than look cool and manufacture conflict to get everyone in the right position for this movie.   

TLDR: Infinity War is better than Civil War but suffers for the lacks in CW, just as it’s buoyed by the strengths of the other franchises.  And fuck Markus and McFeely.

[itsjustwhatfeelsrightmobile]

Rules

HEAD’S UP:

To all of my “loyal followers”: I know you may feel familiar with my rules, but please skim them on every blog you follow. In particular, you will need to scroll down and read everything below the “Guilt-Free Icons” section as they change for each blog. Everything else, yes, will stay the same. Thank you for your time and thank you for following so many of my blogs!

LAST RULE UPDATE: July 16, 2018

Mun

General

My name is Kymani, but most people call me “Kaichu”, “Kai”, or “Ky”. Go with whichever you like! Please note, however, that I will only sign my blogs and asks with "Ky" or the occasional "Kaichu" so as not to be confused with the many 'Kai' users in the world. So if you ever see someone claim to be me while using that spelling... they a lie, fam.

I use she/her pronouns and am a cis female so feel free to correct me if I make any -phobic booboos.

Mun is over 25. I’m happy to share my real age, but not so much to update this with every birthday.

My discord is (not very) selectively available to mutuals. If you choose not to exchange this with me, this is more than fine; please just be aware that I blog hop very inconsistently so I may be hard to reach.

Mun faceclaims are Raichu, Marina (Splatoon 2), Iridessa, and occasionally Kagome Higurashi.

You can find links to all of my other active characters on my mun page.

Health

I have several physical and mental disabilities. These include, but are not limited to, Sickle Cell Anemia, Asthma, Depression, Anxiety, and moderate OCD.

Note that there are some things that will trigger my OCD and therefore I will often choose not to follow you for or unfollow for. They include but are not limited to: uncut posts; icons that aren’t circles or squares (circles/squares with excessive decoration is FINE); using full-sized reaction images; and/or a general lack of organization on the blog. Most of these can be addressed, but I will never pressure a mun to change their style or format for me. 

I will generally make or have someone make update posts informing you of my hospitalizations. Sometimes I forget, though. In any case, if I’ve made it clear that I am feeling unwell, do NOT hassle me for replies or an explanation of my situation. I will block people for this.

Be aware: I am a chronically ill person with many characters whose writing schedule is dictated by both her health and muse. I will forget things and disappear/reappear for weeks to even a month at a time from my blogs. As well, I may be very obviously selective/biased, so if this will upset you, my blogs are not for you.

Also note: it is not uncommon for me to unfollow and refollow people but this is not intentional. As I manage tens of blogs, it is easy to forget which blog people will follow me on. If you notice me doing this, feel free to message me and/or block that account.

Lastly, it is incredibly important to understand that due to the fact that I have been on opioids since I was a child, I have impaired memory. I can and will forget things we’ve discussed/written and I just ask for your patience and understanding on this.

I am open to answering questions regarding my health, but I expect you to both know the basics about the diseases and have read THIS PAGE before you approach me.

Last on this point but HUGELY important: please do not approach me with questions or jokes about how many muses I write. It's officially at the point where it's only okay or funny if I do it. Cause the thing is I know you mean it as a complement. I know you do. But the answer, for the record, to that question is this: "The cold hard fact is that I'm no longer healthy enough to attend school or work. So I am at home all day every day with the time (if I am well) to run as many muses as I please and it may be the only thing keeping me sane." So please, just don't make the joke. I'll joke along with you, I'll try not to make you as sad as you just made me, but it makes me really sad to think about and I have to stop pretending it doesn't.

Personals

Do:

Go ahead and follow! I don’t mind as long as you follow the rules. (Breaking them consistently enough to notice will lead to a block though.)

Like RPs if you like them. (But try to make sure my partner’s okay with that, too!)

Send in memes and questions; just don’t expect them to turn into a thread or anything.

Tell me if you’re following on behalf of a side RP blog cause I won’t check/know otherwise! (Only matters if you follow first.)

Don’t:

Reblog my promos.

Reblog my OOC posts.

Reblog my roleplays.

Following

This is a selective and private blog. This means I don’t follow everyone and I only RP with mutuals.

Please do not message me asking for an RP if we are not mutuals. I understand that you’re just reaching out, but it really makes me anxious and I will feel extremely guilty. Therefore, all messages of this kind will be deleted. Repeated attempts will lead to a block.

I will not follow blogs without a rules page. Very very rare exceptions are made for blogs that I know for fact are mobile-only. I am slightly more lenient when it comes to about pages, but only if there is significant writing on the blog for me to read through instead.

I am OC and selectively crossover friendly. 

I’m cool with multimuse blogs as long as your muses each have an about page for me to read over. I won’t be making exceptions here simply because I find it impractical to go through the blog and look for writing for each specific muse I want to interact with.

I may several weeks to follow back. This may be due to illness or just not noticing because of how many blogs I run.

I eventually unfollow mutual-only blogs who have not followed me back. This is simply because I like to know I can RP with those on my dash and nothing more.

I do not follow blogs that exclusively use real-life faceclaims (rlfc). I will also not RP with rlfc, so if you have a verse that only uses a rlfc, I won’t RP with it. Please note that this applies to people roleplaying live-action characters, as well. Thanks for understanding.

Interaction & Replies

I am EXTREMELY selective about roleplaying with muns under the age of eighteen. Trying to deceive me about your age will lead to a BLOCK.

I am open to using messaging for OOC interaction at all times. IC interactions must be agreed upon beforehand.

All of my open starters and starter calls are for mutuals only unless otherwise stated. Repeated offenses for non-mutuals liking my starter calls will lead to a block.

I go through my thread tracker whenever my total thread count across all accounts exceeds 11O. I will try to message my partners about threads I drop but understand that I may not always have the energy to do so. You are always welcome to ask about the status of our threads so long as you remain polite and tactful.

Shipping

My blogs will always be multiship.

With that said, I’m almost always a ship-exclusive kind of girl. That means I’ll ship with one version of each character.

I like my ships to develop naturally, so even if it seems like I prioritize friends, know that you can always shoot me an ask and as long as it’s not a notp I’m always open to tossing the characters at each other and giving it a shot.

There are two exceptions to ship exclusivity for me: 1) i’ve decided to do one ship per verse and therefore duplicates are fine or 2) i’m playing a character with a canon ship.

Tags & Triggers

My blogs are never spoiler-free. For TV-show based blogs, the most recent episode aired in its native language will be tagged as a spoiler until the next episode airs. For games, I tag and try to readmore spoilers for a few months. Threads themselves may or may not be tagged if the line is sort of blurry. Always, therefore, read with caution.

I am blocking the tag #Ky Don’t Look/#Ky Dont Look for phobias related to penises, water, and a few other things. It is imperative that you read over my BLOCKED TAGS AND TRIGGERS for full details.

These triggers are often related to trauma and can give me panic attacks and/or depressive episodes. I will gently remind you a few times, but if it becomes a repeated issue, I will unfollow.

If you need anything special tagged or I’ve forgotten something, please let me know! I won’t bite.

NSFW & Smut

Many of my blogs will contain nsfw themes including but not limited to: themes of depression, violence, bullying, etc. These are rarely (if ever) tagged but can be by request.

Themes that are considered to be “trigger-heavy” will always have their own disclaimer.

Regarding smut: sometimes it’s difficult for me, sometimes it’s not. I can be extremely squeamish regarding the topic, so I’m very fickle when it comes to these threads. I ask, very simply, that partners who engage in these types of threads with me understand that I likely won’t finish these threads and that they do not push for replies on these. (Like, ever.) It will make me more self-conscious and, if I’m already panicking about a reply, it will only make it worse.

With that said, I would appreciate it if you didn’t baby me by disallowing me to write these threads. If it makes you personally uncomfortable to write them with me, that’s fine. But it has been deemed a safe and valuable practice by my counselor for me to continue to explore this subject so that, hopefully, I will become more and more comfortable with it. So when I’m interested in writing sexual nsfw, please don’t feel as though you need to shy away from me!

Aside from all of that, general rules apply: I won’t write sexual nsfw with anyone under the age of eighteen. (Although with that said, given my age, I tend to prefer my smut partners to be twenty-one and older. This is a soft rule, though, as my comfort with the partner outweighs a numerical value.) I also will not write any other kind of nsfw with anyone under the age of sixteen.

PS: when it comes to aged up characters, aged up x aged up is okay. aged up x canon adult is not. I am not the kind of person who will get all judgemental if you do it with other people, but I won’t personally engage in it. Understand though that I only consider it to be aging-up if the mun is aging their character beyond the natural progression of time. (So if Character A was 10 when they debuted but would have been 15 by the time they met Character B anyway I don't consider it to be aging-up.) For more of my opinion of the topic, please click here.

 Activism & “Drama”

In this house, discussion about x-isms, x-phobias, and injustices as it relates to the roleplay community and/or the pokemon community is NOT considered drama and therefore it will NOT be tagged as such. HOWEVER:

While most of my blogs will NOT have a tag for it at all, should it come up, I will create an #activism tag for the blog. So yes, you will have a tag to block if you are genuinely discomforted by the conversation, but no, I will not conflate it with “drama”.

If you’re reading this on writtenbykaichu or a blog that features a dark-skinned person of color, please be aware that issues such as these are much more likely to be discussed. 

Guilt-Free Icons

Yes, I am a mod at guiltfreeicons–Jerry Mod, to be exact. 

I will, on very rare occasions, make posts regarding taking requests. Those posts are considered active for 48 hours after the ORIGINAL post was made.

If you need to ask a question about GFI, first read the rules. Then, try contacting us here. If that doesn’t work, contact us here. Most importantly:

Never ever I mean NEVER message me or any of the other mods regarding guiltfreeicons (or making icons for you on the side) on any of our personal or roleplay blogs. We WILL auto-block over this.

Miscellaneous

IMPORTANT: I am currently beta testing for rpthreadtracker.com. Because the beta website could be altered or lost at any time, I will try to backup my threads on the current version of the website. With that said, I will be focusing on using the Beta versions, so please click the [BETA] links first and alert me immediately if they give you any sort of trouble so I can update the trackermod. Thanks guys!

This blog will not RP with male gemsonas--no exceptions.

As a general rule, I am okay with gemlings as long as they are not directly related to Amethyst (daughter, sister, etc.)

I consider Amethyst's canon character development to be incredibly rushed, so on this blog you may feel as though I've knocked her back a few steps. This is so that I may work on her development at a fairer pace. (And yes, if you know me, it is also for the angst.)

Always always always plot out fight threads with me. We don't have to come up with things step-by-step ahead of time, but I expect to stay in contact with you throughout so that we can be on the same terms with where we're going and who's doing what.

Credits

Many of my Raichu base icons were gifted to me by thunderstonereject. If you would like access to these icons, you will need to ask them for their permission. Any public-use icons I have can be found at guiltfreeicons. All edits were made by me and are for my own personal use.

All Marina icons were made by me and are available to the public on guiltfreeicons. Edits, of course, are for and by me and not for public use.

All Iridessa icons were made by myself and Pebbles Mod and are available to the public on guiltfreeicons. All edits were made by me and are for my own personal use.

Credits for Kagome Higurashi base icons can be found here. All edits were made by me and are for my own personal use.

Amethyst Art & Icon credits can be found here.

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