#also wasnt feeling too happy that my birthday is on Christmas

[agalaxyofjoy]

Funny how getting sleep fixes like 99% of any problem 😆 starting my 30s with the basics 🤪

[itsalwaysdark]

anyways sry its not srs eventually ill get it together . and be a person again. one day

[jaemified]

I COULD NEVER LIE TO YOU.

“maybe i finally understood why you were the way you were. or maybe you just never tried to understand me.”

☆ pairing ; toxic bf lee chan x fem reader

☆ genre ; hurt, ANGST, no comfort, toxic relationship, y/n vents but she has no one, slightly suggestive content

☆ warnings ; swearing, drinking, implied substance abuse, mentions of cheating and sex, y/ns insecure af (and only cz he made her that way), chans a gaslight and manipulator but also very possessive !!

☆ wordcount ; 0.9k

☆ synopsis ; youve been struggling with a toxic relationship for years now, but you had no one to tell that to, or anyone thatd believe you at least. so while your boyfriend slips out for the night to god knows where, you use this time to write down and express everything youve bottled up all this time.

☆ kona speaks ! - i think its funny how i always start with swearing in cw when its not anywhere near the worst thing in the story LMAOAOAOA anyway sorry i havent uploaded in FOREVER.. college is so hard (+i love my new format! all my drafts from the past 2 months are written like this:))

!disclaimer!, this is a pure work of fiction and is not in any way related to chan and his personality! purely for entertainment purposes only, and for me to express some thoughts :)

READ BELOW THE CUT

OCTOBER 31, 2023

you had left me on my own yet again. its not like i had any true friends left to be with anyway, after you scared them all off, that is.

who knows where you couldve gone.

no, the real you.

my sweet, sweet channie i fell in love with all those years ago.

where could you have gone?

maybe i wasnt good enough, maybe i wasnt pretty enough.

or maybe you werent understanding enough.

i always thought it was me, but maybe it was you all this time.

i like to think back at when we were last happy, god. that mustve been ages ago, just about.

it was.. my 16th birthday?

-my 16th birthday-

it was.. the day we had to put my dog down. my puppy since i was young. i remember it all clearly now.

i was..

-i was..-

we, we were 17.

mmm, my dog was probably my best friend. the realest one in a while.

i remember how you were there for me, even took me to my favorite donut shop to distract me while you tried so hard to make me laugh.

it worked.

i wish you were still you when we were young.

my sweet channie.

where could you have gone?

i could care less about your whereabouts.

i could care less about how you told me i was lying and that you knew i loved you whenever i tried expressing how i felt about us now.

but maybe i just want to be loved again.

maybe i just want to feel something again.

and i know it cant be with you.

i remember the last time you brought me out we were at mingyus halloween party last year.

nobody could find you, so i went to look for you myself.

i noticed your location was still shared with me, and not any of your friends.

so i tracked you to our car.

-our-

i tracked you to your car.

(since nothing that was yours was mine anyway)

and there you were.

fucking some random girl in the backseat.

that was the last day i saw any of my friends.

you never let me out again.

“you cant go, youll just be in my way.” you said before you left for soonyoungs christmas party.

“you cant go, i cant bare to see you hurt again.” you told me before i was about to leave to my own birthday party planned by my friends.

“you cant go, youll just play victim in front of all my friends and cry about how i fucked another girl.” you told me before you left a few hours ago.

i never know with you. but, i know deep down you care.

somewhere.

its always how y/n cant go here, y/n cant do this. or, shes too busy, we have something planned, shes not home.

even in the way you always spoke over me i knew you were just trying to speak for me.

but what about you?

why cant i have a say in anything you do? why do i get everything taken from me? why did you scare off all my friends and even make your friends hate me too?

you always came home high or on something whenever a different girl each time, dropped you off after you came back from a different party.

i never missed the way theyd look at me.

as if you said something about me.

because you know i never forget the look on someones face

it wasnt till later when i found out from wonwoo that everything you did to me, you told those girls thats what i did to you.

i learned to be quiet though.

i learned to sit there and smile, and just take it.

there was nothing i could do though, theres nothing that couldve changed your actions.

i mean, i cant control you.

so why can you control me?

the channie i knew from when we were 20 wouldve consoled me and been there for me.

the channie i knew from when we were 15 wouldve just laughed about how mr seo accidentally buzzed his head in the boys locker room.

the channie i knew from when we first met in grade school wouldnt even have thought about doing half the things you do now.

so where did we go wrong?

i still think about that.

was it, when we hit puberty?

was it, when we moved out?

was it, when we graduated?

our first date?

the day i found out you cheated?

y/n scoffed as she looked at the giant brown teddy bear in the corner of the room that chan had won for her on their first date.

she let out an annoyed sigh, thinking back, looking back at whatever point in time that couldve even reflected a glimpse of this change in him.

it was too subtle, but too sudden, for her to even remember.

she took a sip of her ginger ale before picking up her pen and scribbling some more in her diary that only she had the key to.

who knows what he’d do if he saw all the things she said about him.

you really werent much help.

nevertheless, i still love you.

i really fucking love you.

i know you do too.

i know a part of you inside still cares for me.

i could even cry thinking about it.

yeah, i realize i dont get out much.

but you never hurt me.

physically, at least.

the emotional damage is beyond repair though.

but i know theres still a bit of the you from our youth left.

i see it in the way you look at me.

no matter how mad,

how upset,

how happy,

how sad you were,

whether you were high,

whether you were drunk,

even when we were younger too.

you always looked at me the same.

that softened gaze and warm eyes.

the eyes never change. the eyes dont lie.

i mean, you could deny it (which id only laugh if you tried), but your eyes tell.

maybe thats why im still holding on.

maybe im just waiting for the boy i first fell in love with to randomly come back.

the chances are slim.

but i still hope.

im holding on.

by a thread, at least.

not like you’d let me leave anyway.

i could say how theres still love left within us

probably, somewhere

but when was the last time we were genuinely happy?

what do you get out of this?

because it isnt happiness. it cant be. you wouldnt be here if you were.

we’re both miserable. i see it and feel it.

it’s like, im just here for you.

i can understand the pressure though.

everyone would ask “how did you make it through college?” “how did you make it through high school?”

they dont understand though. you kinda made me

-you kinda made me-

they dont understand though.

i mean,

maybe i finally understood why you were the way you were

or maybe you just never tried to understand me.

i could tell you all of these things.

but i couldnt.

because i could never ‘lie’ to you.

[sunenjoyswriting]

A very twisted Christmas.

Writers note: “I’m not gonna reupload my AO3 fics here”, I say, before reuploading an AO3 fic here. Anyways more Yuune yippee!! This is one of my longer fics (it’s not even 1k words…)

Possible warnings: Angst for two lines. I think that’s it…?

It was Yuune's first Christmas. He didn't have high expectations for it, nor were his expectations low... They didn't have any expectations. They didn't know what's it be like, [[PLAYER]] never once has mentioned it and the rest of the main cast hasn't either.

But it was definitely a unique experience.

Just like the usual routine, the first thing [[PLAYER]] did after waking up was turn on their phone and open up Twisted Wonderland. They had gotten used to the weird occurrences that happened (which were just Yuune changing the code for fun and giving [[PLAYER]] messages), but was pleasantly surprised at the immediate change that definitely hasn't intended by Disney...

A, slightly glitchy, textbox was the first thing to pop up on screen. It simply said;

"Happy holidays from Yuune~ I wonder what presents ill get! Hm... If you get a new phone, I think this game should be the first thing you get on it!!"

Then the usual thingy happened, and [[PLAYER]] took no note of the text box. They had gotten greeted by this "Yuune" quite the few times by now. They were usually on holidays, examples include:

"Happy halloween, I'm dressing up as one of the ghosts in ramshackle~! Trick or treat~ Gimme candy! Now!!" On halloween ([[PLAYER]] put a piece of candy next to their phone later that day after trick or treating to "give" it to Yuune), and "Happy birthday, [[PLAYER]]!! I wonder if the day you installed twisted wonderland is my birthday or if we share one..." On their birthday ([[PLAYER]] made note of the question Yuune had asked, sometimes wondering that themselves...)

This greeting wasn't particularly special in any way (except for the lack of a specific holiday, but that really didn't make a big difference), so [[PLAYER]] just ignored it.

So, [[PLAYER]] just did their usual grinding (with, surprisingly, no interruption from Yuune.), and left the game a little quicker then usual, to go and celebrate Christmas!

With Yuune... Well, I have genuinely no idea how they celebrate Christmas in Twisted Wonderland. So unfortunately, you just have to assume it went like in the game (with more added mischief from Yuune!)

Presents Yuune got include:

A tablet from Idia (oh god Yuune is gonna turn into an iPad kid/j), A crocheted bat from Lilia (I believe Lilia crochets and I will stand by this), A full size gargoyle from Malleus (that was a pain to get into Ramshackle...), and more that I don't feel like adding because its not important.

Honestly, after the whole celebration was over... Most of the rest of the day was spent in ignihyde, just like most days for him... It wasnt too bad, though! The tablet was pretty nice to play with, and since it was so high tech... It could do practically anything!! It was a pretty nice day for Yuune.

Only at the end of the day when Yuune was about to (attempt to) sleep, did [[PLAYER]] return to Twisted Wonderland.

And the first thing Yuune noticed was that their room definitely had... More items! A lot more items...!!

Most notably, A new phone. With the TWST transfer data screen on it... Looks like Yuune managed to predict what one of their gifts would be.

"I wonder if the glitches will be transferred to my new phone..." [[PLAYER]] muttered to themselves, quickly pulling up the screen with the TWST transfer stuff on their old phone.

Yuune's mood made a complete switch at that comment... Will he also be transferred, or... Will he be stuck without [[PLAYER]]...?

Well, only one way to find out!

[[PLAYER]] quickly transferred the data to their new phone, reloading the game to quickly start up playing Twisted Wonderland again.

And, it seems the "glitches" also got transferred, because the first thing to pop up was a glitchy textbox.

"Woah... The screen is so much bigger! I can see you in higher quality, as well!!" Was what text the textbox had, clearly from Yuune.

~The End~

and a very twisted holidays to you~

[k00323896]

Final project for assemble -23 december

To conclude my study of assemble I decided to make a recipe book as my final piece.

This recipe book would contain an assembling of my favourite desserts or desserts i have fond memories of making.

I assembled these recipes by speaking to people close to me that can bake and also looking back on my childhood and picking ones that meant the most to me.

Page 1 - 🍓Strawberry muffins🍓

My mother writes down all the recipes she knows in a big notebook, she has done since she was little. I remember one of the first recipes I made with her was from that notebook and it was muffins!

Being younger meant i wasnt allowed to do much but i was instructed with mixing all the ingredients and preparing the cases for the batter, that happy feeling you felt as a kid when you were trusted to do something important is portrayed by the little cat doodles throughout the recipe pages. In a sense it is symbolising the childish feelings i felt while making these desserts.

Page 2 - 🍉Hwachae🍉

Making Hwachae was a more recent recipe I discovered over the summer with my friends. We saw it being made on TikTok and instantly wanted to try it as we were having such warm weather at the time.

A mistake i made while making this recipe was scooping out too much watermelon from the bottom which led mine to leaking a little. This led to laughter and a hurried effort to eat the dessert before we wasted anymore!

Page 3 - 🍫Chocolate Cake🍫

I have mixed emotions about my experience making chocolate cake. I wanted to surprise my mother one year on her birthday by baking her a cake i think i was 9 or 10 at the time.

Unfortunately I added extra flour instead of yeast and the cake ended up not rising and being inedible, much to my younger selfs disappointment. but the day was saved when we went to the shop to buy a new cake instead, all was not lost! (I haven’t made chocolate cake since but i do enjoy when my family makes it)

Page 4 - 🍰Cake pops🍰

I will always remember my first time making cake pops. It was one of my best friends in primary schools birthday party. She was having it at a bakery school much to the excitement of my friends and I.

We made a lot of delicious desserts that day but my most memorable would have to be the end where we made cake pops. The teacher challenged us to see who could make the best decorated cake pop and you can be sure that was taken very seriously!

We spent the rest of the day decorating the cake pops and afterwards eating those same cake pops while listening to music and exchanging gifts. It was a great day

Page 5 - 🍞Banana Bread🍞

This recipe is another old favourite of my mothers. Its a page in her recipe book that is very worn with traces of finger prints indented into the pages from use.

My mom made banana bread a lot when we were younger for my dad who loved taking some to work with him and always made sure to bring some extra slices for his colleagues too who loved to see him coming with his tuber ware box.

I remember how delighted my sibling and i would be when he’d bring leftovers home and sneak us some under the table before our supper. It tasted delicious every time!

Page 6 - 🧁Chocolate Buns🧁

This dessert was a treat we’d only see at Christmas and important family events throughout the year. Having a big family of relatives meant having gatherings with lots of delicious foods.

I don’t know if this was only my family or if its a normal thing but each of my dads relations would bring one dessert per family. My mom would bring trifle and cheesecake, my aunt would bring her famous oreo cheesecake and chocolate buns (my personal favourite) my uncles would bring sponge cakes and my other aunt would bring muffins and biscuit cake.

Those gatherings were always so lively and i always left with a few extra chocolate buns in tinfoil curtosey of my aunt who knew id be eying them throught the day. Im getting hungry just thinking about it.

All of these recipes i have assembled myself, through drawing out how their made speaking to the people that made them and being taught how to make them.

Having a collection with so many memories and meaning makes me proud of the work I’ve made and that concludes my final assemble project.

[gabapentinblues]

12.29.2024 nightly journal entry. (for anyone who wants to read about my life) tw; sh and substances

walked to seven eleven with my friend this morning and got coffee and a white monster and drank both right away so i really caffeinated and it felt nice. it was foggy and rainy outside but not that cold. wore the flannel i got with her yesterday at goodwill and the beanie i got for christmas. we dyed our hair yesterday and watched a horror movie, might watch another tonight. im trying to stay up later so im not sleeping so much and also wanting to have some more rituals and take better care of myself.

vi and i talked about me maybe getting a social worker but it seems really difficult for some reason. she tried to help me by looking things up before i left this morning which was sweet. she told me to mention it to my therapist so i probably will and maybe she can help me too.

i drove and hour back home n drank the rest of my monster and it was rainy, i called another friend bc she said her grandpa passed away suddenly yesterday but shes estranged from her family so she was feeling weird about the whole thing. i told her id come visit for the day.

stopped at home first and self harmed bc its just a habit at this point. i got blood on my clothes and didnt even care. i also cut on my forearm which i never do but i was just really craving that spot, i just dont like to bc its pretty visible and i dont have much space between my tattoos, but anyway it wasnt even that satisfying. i cut a lot and called my mom jbc i feel obligated to, we didnt really talk abt anything.

i still wanna tell her i just want to break my lease and move home bc i dont feel like i can do this anymore.

drove over to see my other friend and she made me more coffee, i visited w her and her cats. we're playing thru a video game together. i smoked a little even tho im trying to stop. tomorrow i'll try to go the whole day. we walked to target in the rain and i got some groceries i needed and discount press on nails

we made ramen w chili crisp which was really good. i talked about how i just still feel sad and fucked up about my break up and just depressed and lonely in general no matter what i do.

i texted another friend who im getting closer with happy birthday and she told me she cares about me and that she hopes i start feeling better soon. we've been texting back and forth today. i also heard from someone ive been talking with romantically on and off for a few months, im not expecting much there but maybe it will go somewhere. she wished me happy holidays and thats basically been it.

been avoiding the girl i kissed and had a nice date with at the start of december bc i dont trust myself to be able to maintain it and i just feel like she'll end up disappointed or just totally disinterested bc im uninteresting and unhappy so often. it just feels like another austin situation where she'll just get bored of me and i'll like her too much and be left behind.

got back to my apartment as it was getting dark without self harming again even though i really thought about it. avoiding all the dishes in my sink and avoided eating dinner. what i ate at my friends was fine. i had a breakfast and a lunch and the meds i needed to take. put on my cheap press ons, listening to music.

took a lot of gabapentin and i have a bad headache rn that i thought would go away but im just gonna ignore it. getting used to using this chromebook. i wouldnt have typed a post so long otherwise. maybe i'll do these every night, idk. ive missed typing on a keyboard. and knowing that my journal entries are going somewhere other than my notebooks is kinda nice

i guess its just another way to process things. maybe i'll work on writing styles and making it readable and engaging. for now its just stream of conciousness.

trying to drink enough water. gonna do my skincare. pick a movie to watch, and maybe set up a few more things on here before i go to sleep. maybe i'll read a little bit too. i want to start feeling better, i want to feel like im working towards something. im tired of everyday feeling like endless sameness.

anyway, goodnight

[sonnyinthesky]

I went to synagogue with the author up until a few years ago. Shes a total hypocrite. She was never excluded at synagogue! Also, she can shut up about knowing all about the Jews of Aotearoa cause she's literally American. Ive been to her house, shes super rich and all that so yeah shes privileged, but that doesnt mean we all are.

When she first started talking about being "Jewish not zionist" the community accepted her, so long as she understood not all would agree with her. She had many friends at shul when I went at least.

It feels like a slap in the face to hear her say Jewish people in Aotearoa are privileged and what not, and that we dont experience housing crisis or food insecurity. Im currently very poor. Below poverty line. My family maxed the amount of emergency food grants we can get in a year because of food insecurity. My family was homeless for a year, living out of a car in a campsite in a dodgey area. And we sure as hell arent the only Jewish people in the country that have lived like this. Not even the only ones we know personally. The government doesnt give two shits about us, and because of family drama we were shunned by the local Jewish community for years so couldnt ask anyone for help.

And, on the topic of Jewish people not facing antisemitism here, how can Marilyn explain the feeling of unsafety every time i wear a magen david necklace? The disgusted looks my mother got when wearing a shirt with hebrew writing at pride? The fact that when my class was made to read boy in the striped pajamas in school, not only were our concerns ignored about the antisemitism of the book itself, but it lead to the atrocities of the holocaust becoming a running JOKE at my school. I was teased constantly for saying that it wasnt ok to laugh about the books content. I was told i should be gassed because i called out a kid for doing a nazi salute in class. Not a single teacher did anything. In fact i was told off for complaining and being too sensitive! Even when I was a small child, I was bullied for being Jewish. Got called awful nicknames due to my Hebrew birth name, and told I was going to hell and i was a "jesus-killer" who should die. I was 11 when my best friend at the time said that. I had my artwork ripped up by a teacher because i drew a happy hannukah card for my mum instead of a merry Christmas card. I was 6. My friend once knowingly tricked me into eating pork because she knew it wasnt allowed and she thought it would make me Christian if i ate pork.

My mother was called slurs at work. She has been abused and assaulted throughout her life for simply existing as a visibly Jewish woman. My best friend told me I was a fascist and she couldnt speak to me anymore because i dared say that what happened on oct 7 was bad (she has since apologised and we are chill again but ????). My mother once made a facebook post that lead to our friends, people that came to my birthday parties, people that my mother worked with, stalking her facebook and sending dozens of death threats and messages saying "hitler shouldve finished the job" "we dont want people like you here" and sending her graphic images of the holocaust. And all that facebook post was? Her saying anti asian racism is bad. She said racism is bad and got attacked because of a selfie she posted prior that showed she is Jewish.

I have disconnected myself so far from Judaism due to fear of being hated, of losing friends, of being hurt. It got to the point where I started going to church and convinced myself i could be Christian, because that was safe. I haven't so much as acknowledged a Jewish holiday in years because I told myself I couldnt be Jewish. If it were up to me and it was safe I would wear a kippah every day. I would go to synagogue, i would pray, i would say "no thanks" when offered non-kosher food. But instead, i do none of those things. I will eat the ham sandwich or whatever it is, because im scared of the questions ill be asked if i say no. I wouldn't dare wear a kippah or dress in anyway that signifies im Jewish in public, because in this city there are posters everywhere you turn about boycotting israel, Palestinian flags everywhere, big israeli flags with ❌ over them. I know that isn't necessarily anti Jewish, but what you must understand is that in this city, the people who put those posters up, do not like Jewish people. They are the people that glare at pride when my mum walks past in her hebrew pride shirt. The majority of them will treat me like shit. Not to mention my home town, an hour out of the big city, is full of neo nazis. The kids i went to school with walk around the town and spray paint swastikas on every bus stop, they wind down their windows and scream nazi shit out the window at passers by. It got to the point where my mother said we had to hide any obviously Jewish stuff from outside view, and we had to keep our heads down in public because we could be hatecrimed on our own street. Luckily that has calmed down now and we're a bit safer, but its still scary.

If Jewish people were a privileged group in Aotearoa, Id be safe in my own city would I not? Id feel comfortable refusing non-kosher food and being visibly Jewish.

Read those stories and tell me Jewish people dont experience antisemitism in this country and that we're privileged.

Marilyn is incredibly privileged and said herself she doesnt connect with the Jewish community, so why is she speaking for us?

Sorry for the rant, i just read that article and was appalled. The spinoff sucks half the time anyway, but to see their guest author being someone i know denying the prejudice our people face? That hurt.

I urge anyone else who is in Aotearoa and is Jewish to speak up and show this person that she is wrong and clearly out of touch from the reality we face as Jews. In fact, even if you're not Jewish, if you experience(d) antisemitism, feel free to share, because i know that not just Jews, but anyone perceived as Jewish, faces antisemitism.

This is the biggest crock of shit to come out

I know plenty of poor jews, who have housing issues and food issues, but the community rallies together to help them so they can survive. The government and other community groups do not help, it's people at synagogue who help. I actually know people who have had a harder time getting help from the government with benefits as "because they're jewish, they should be rich and are likely trying to scam the government". - real thing said to a jew I know who tried to get on the benefit (social welfare).

Also she is literally pushing the jews are all rich antisemitism trope

It is not privileged to live life being seen as sub human, which I had gone through. Literally no joke, I was treated as sub human for years at school because I was jewish and no one did anything about it.

I know a jew who is currently being discriminated against at work for being jewish.

Then on the topic of her being excluded from synagogue, all the reform synagogues in the country pray for people in Gaza, they denounce Israel's actions. Even a few of the orthodox synagogues do too!

The only way you would be excluded is if you wished harm upon those in Israel, which is a valid reason to be excluded as there are plenty of jews with family in Israel, and you would be wishing harm on your fellow shul goers family.

Whilst I am glad that her experience has mainly been a positive one as a jew in Aotearoa, it is not reflective of the overall jewish communities' experience.

As she said herself, she does not connect with the majority of the Jewish community, so she should not speak on experiences of the wider jewish community as a whole.

[incorrect-ace]

Not a qoute

[lilallama]

Hey admin chan, how you doing and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! I hope this year is better than last year.

How's my taehyung, i hope hes doing well. Please tell him I miss him and I also have a lil bone to pick with him.

"Happy Christmas & New Years Tae, since i didnt get to see you for the Holidays. You forgot me for the entire season!!!!! Youre gonna have to beg to get back into my good graces. My birthday is tomorrow and I hope i can get showered with Cinnabon & cute stationery", i say tearin up a lil bit.

Hey author chan is there anyway i can get a special message from him tomorrow admin chan? Hope i wasnt spammin too much and if so I apologize.

A/n: Hey! I hope the new year will be better too. Make sure to stay safe and enjoy the new year, everyone. The cooking club missed y'all soo much! And no, I'm totally not writing this because I'm held at gunpoint by Taehyung ^^'.

"My angel! Merry christmas and happy new years to you as well, Y/n! It was pure hell not seeing my God/Goddess for so long. Oh no! No no no no no! I could never forget you, saviour! You are on my mind constantly. There was barely a moment I could rest not knowing how you've been. My parents insisted on taking me along for a family vacation to the mountains in Switzerland. I am so deeply ashamed for making you feel as though you are but a mere afterthought... You are so correct, dearest saviour! As your loyal servant it is my duty to make sure you are safe and happy. Words cannot describe how guilty I feel, how much regret in filling my heart. I dare not beg for forgiveness, what I have done is inexcusable, however I ask of you; how may I show my deep regret? Shall I buy you a new necklace, or a new car? No, that's not enough... how about a summer home? Wherever you'd like, I could get it arranged for you, dearest. Oh... Oh! My God/Goddess, please don't cry! Goodness... and all because of me... that's unforgivable! Such a lowly servant as I dares to bring an angel to tears. Of course, your birthday! As if I could ever forget such an important day. It really should be a global holiday- Yes! Anything you'd like, my saviour. I would find a way to fetch the stars from the night sky for you. Please, do not be saddened by my disgraceful mistake. I promise such idiotic things are never to happen again."

"I cannot believe I let such a terrible mistake happen- wait... It wasn't my choice, it was- AUTHOR!!!-"

Heeey~ everyone~ how were the holidays? How was new years? I hope everyone was healthy and well-

"Author! How absolutely dare you! Because of your incompetence I had to bring my dearest God/Goddess to tears! TEARS! Do you know what that means!?"

Gee, why do you always blame me and not the person who send the ask-

"If you weren't as careless and lazy, they never would've had a reason to ask! It's all because you were inactive."

...Okay, yeah true. Anyway, I'll make Tae write a happy birthday note for you tomorrow. It'll probably be added to this per reblog. Now, excuse me before Taehyung chops my head off.

[i-write-boop-spoops]

Boom boom,how was your day? Anything new or hard?

Judging from my leon headcanon it's obvious I would like to be held 😔

[Daily reminder to everyone that you are amazing,great,worth it and royalty 😌]

Leon

-he gives me vibes of a person who collected whatever the equivalent of pokemon cards there. In his old room he still has some of those old cards in one of those fancy little books that you could put them in

-he was the one who caught hops wooloo!

-Teases hop about his crushes, but in the nice brotherly way and not the annoying one. Supportive but also very "sooo hop,you and them ayeeeeee?" Personally I'm a gloria and hop shipper, but that could work for anyone

-for hops birthday he has a special birthday snap back. He also wears this to your birthday, its colorful and has a party hat ontop of it. This was actually a little crafty thing hop made but he cherishes it (even if hop is like nOoO-) idk I just like to think he has special occasion snap backs like a Christmas one with dangly lights or it looks like santas hat.

-even though hes a very happy and confident person, alot of his years come up to him as more of a serious kind of dude like at the battle tower. Sometimes I cant help but think he looks at the window of his house and just thinks if this is really what life might be. As much as he loves being champion, sponsors and all- even that can get suffocating sometimes. But you're like a bright light to him, hes probably just amazing at cuddling with how big he is and hes just UGHH so great at comforting.

Steven

-Thinks hes sOo great at cooking until he somehow fails at BOILING WATER. Hes trying his best but sometimes your beat is not enough 😔 you probably will have to save him alot, oh well hes good at being champion so just keep it at that

-good singing voice, singing you to sleep? Gotcha! Singing at a party where he was being pushed to do so? Great. I can imagine he follows more on deeper tones, but hes good at high notes too. (Also somebody made Steven's theme with LYRICS I'm in love)

-when he was younger, Joseph always had to keep an eye on him if they visited the mines together because yes this little rock loving maniac is running around EVERYWHERE to get that fancy rock. Pls save Joseph. On other notes he'll bring his kids with him to mining too! But only on the places he knows are safe, he dosent want to risk his family getting harmed afterhismotherdiED

-more childhood headcanons is that hes good at science, especially earth science but not as great at math. He isnt terrible, definitely not but he cant compete at a competition. ALSO I agree that he wouldnt be super cool and suave, hes starting to be but man hes mostly a little bit of a nerd who carries around a book of rocks. He wasnt exactly popular with people wanting to date him until he grew up 😔 though he loves you alot so too bad you're stuck with a rock nerd your entire life.

Explosion my love, my MONARCH, my SOULMATE. Thank for these literally amazing headcanons! Legit grinning from ear to ear from these!

I had genetics today (my fave) and idk if I did something wrong (or too right), because I had way too much extra time left. Like I’m disabled so I get extra time on exams, and I didn’t even come close to using it. So I’m a bit spooked tbh lol. I got one more exam in a couple days and then I’m done!

Hope your day is as EPIC as you explosion!

I too want to be held by Leon, I just wanna be scooped up like a lil ball of ice cream into his arms. Legendary

Leon and Hop have such a wholesome relationship OML. It’s obvious they really care and admire each other. Their smiles are so precious!

Also Leon wearing tacky caps? I think it’s illegal for him not too lol

Bruh, Steven can make cold sandwiches and that’s it. Literally. He can assemble, he may even be able to chop, but you cannot rely on this man to even use a microwave. Good thing he;s rich, otherwise he would literally starve

I CANNOT believe we just thought of the same headcanon about Steven’s voice and being able to sing!! Legit just thinking about this. He’s perfect for lullabies! And drunk karaoke!

Lol I just imagine lil five y/o Steven pestering his dad about all the cool pebbles in the garden, and Joseph wanting to be a good dad and foster his son’s curiosity, so he takes him to local cave that does tours and baby Steven is literally acting as if he was in a sweet shop. He kept asking the tour guide questions about the rocks and every answer made him go “Wow! That’s so cool!”.

Bab steven is precious! Protect at all costs!

As a science lover who is not great at maths, I FEEL that deep within my soul. Personally I headcanon Steven has a bachelor’s in geology (with a minor in business because his dad begged him to), so he probably did a lot of science in college, and did only the easiest math bits to get by lol.

Steven was definitely bullied a bit in school, he was a really big nerd and hadn’t grown into the dreamboat we know and love yet. I think that’s how he met and became friends with Wallace, because they were classmates, and Wallace was also bullied, for being super flamboyant (and queer). They bonded over being outcasts and battling.

And when they grew up, got hot, and became fabulous superstars, it’s safe to say a lot of the people who wronged them were suddenly very interested in being friends with Hoenn’s champions.

Moral of the story? Don’t be a dick!

Ugh, thanks again for these fantastic headcanons! They are so good!

[softest-cinnamon-roll]

High school popular kid/ nerd au with reddie?

21. High School popular kid/ nerd au 

* * * * * 

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Richie asked, running a hand through his hair as they walked up the path towards Eddie’s front porch. It had taken a lot of convincing, but Eddie had finally managed to get Richie to agree to meet, and have dinner with his dad so he could introduce him as his boyfriend officially. “He’s a cop Eds…”

Eddie sighed and stopped them, turning around to face Richie as he bit down on his bottom lip, “If you’re still unsure we don’t need to do this, but I promise, my dad is not going to pull a gun out on you or anything. You’d have more chances of that happening if you met my mother.”

As the words left his lips, Eddie winced. He didn’t talk about his mother much, even though he was still in contact with her. When he was seven, his parents divorced and his dad was granted full custody after a tough court case. Eddie still spoke to his mother on occasion, like her birthday and christmas, but they weren’t very close.

Richie must have noticed the sad look on Eddie’s face, as he stepped into his personal space and took his face into his much larger hands, “Hey, baby, look at me,” he tilted Eddie’s head up so their eyes locked. “I’m sorry, I know how much this means to you. I know you’ve wanted me to meet your dad for a while, so I’m going to go into that house and prove to him that I’m the best person for his son to date.”

Eddie’s face broke out into a smile and he pushed up on his toes to press a kiss to Richie’s lips, soft and sweet, before he pulled away to lace their hands together. “Shall we?”

It was a bit of an odd pairing, Eddie and Richie. Richie was quite a popular guy amongst his peers thanks to his charisma and ability to crack a joke at anything. He also seemed to grow into his looks, making him one of the most attractive guys in his school year. Eddie on the other hand, liked to keep to himself, was very quiet and studied way too much. According to the social school hierarchy, the two of them should never have even mixed with one another, never mind date.

Yet it happened. Richie was having a little trouble with his algebra course and Eddie was passing the class with flying colours. This was in sophomore year and it became a routine of theirs to meet up in the library to study as well as pair up for projects whenever they could. It was in the middle of junior year, after being friends for a year, that Richie asked Eddie out on a date and Eddie had agreed with a flush on his cheeks. They had never looked back.

God, was Eddie in love with Richie. He was the best thing to ever happen to him, always right there by his side no matter what. They were a team, and even Richie’s closest friends seemed to warm up to Eddie pretty quickly. They were almost ready to graduate, the end of senior year just around the corner and Richie still hadn’t met Frank officially.

Slowly, Richie nodded his head at Eddie’s question and they made their way up the porch and into the house. The place was quiet, save from the noise coming from the television in the living room. Eddie kicked off his shoes and Richie followed suit, never letting go of his hand. Eddie had to stop himself from smiling at how clammy Richie’s hands were, his boyfriend was always the confident one so it was strange for the roles to be reversed.

“Dad, we’re home!” Eddie called, tugging Richie towards the living room. They stepped inside just as his dad stood up from the chair, a smile on his face. “Hey dad, good day?”

Frank nodded his head, pulling Eddie into a short hug, “Of course, most days are good days.” He grinned and then turned to Richie. “Richie, right? Eddie’s told me a lot about you. Glad to have you for dinner.” He held out a hand for Richie and he took it, entering a firm, yet welcoming handshake. ���Take a seat, I’ve made lasagne so it should be ready any minute now.”

As his dad disappeared, Eddie turned to Richie with big eyes, “What did I tell you? That wasn’t so scary was it?” He asked and grinned as Richie shook his head.

“Looks like I need to listen to you a little more huh?” Richie asked, bashfully, rubbing the back of his neck. “Nice place, makes a change from us always being at my house, doesn’t it?”

Eddie raised an eyebrow, “Richie you’ve been in my room before.”

“Well yeah, but I’ve never seen the rest of your house! Richie scrambled, just as Frank walked back in with a smile to announce that dinner was ready.

They all made their way to the dinner table, where Frank had plated up the food and they took a seat. For the first few minutes there was nothing but silence as they ate, until Frank spoke up, smiling, “So Richie, do you have any plans for after school? College or anything?”

Eddie watched as Richie stared at his plate for a moment before looking up to address his dad, “I’m not sure to be honest, Mr Kaspbrak. As you probably know, my mother is a nurse and my dad is a dentist so my family are hoping I’ll go down that route, but I don’t really know, I think I might go into drama or something? Comedy maybe?”

Frank sat his fork and knife down and looked at Richie seriously, making Eddie a little nervous for the first time that evening. “Listen to me, no matter what jobs your parents do or what your family wants you to do, the only person that gets to make that decision is you.” He smiled then, “If you want to go into comedy or drama? Go into Comedy or drama. This is a choice that will set up your whole life, you might as well do something that makes you happy.”

“I-” Richie cleared his throat and for the first time that night, he smiled genuinely, “Thank you...you’re the first person, other than Eddie of course, that’s actually put my feelings into consideration. I love my parents, they are amazing, but I know that they sometimes don’t get me. It’s not their fault, of course, I am strange. Sometimes I wonder why everyone at school wants to be my friend.”

At that, Eddie turned his attention to Richie, placing a hand on his thigh, “Because you’re amazing and friendly, that’s why. You’re not fake, and everyone appreciates that.”

All three of them fell into a comfortable silence, and dinner was finished a few moments later. As Frank went to relax in the living room, Eddie and Richie focused on washing up and cleaning the kitchen. “Hey, Eds?” Richie whispered as he dried the plates, sitting them to the side. “I love you.”

Eddie looked up at Richie, a watery smile on his lips and he leaned over, pressing a light kiss to Richie’s mouth. “I love you too, so much.”

Richie went quiet and Eddie tilted his head to the side as he watched him, clearly in thought. Before he could ask if everything was okay, Richie turned back to him, eyes wide and hopeful. “I know that this might be kind of obvious, and I promise that I will ask you properly but...will you go to prom with me?”

“Richie…” Eddie breathed, drying his hands off on the towel before stepping closer to Richie, wrapping his arms around RIchie’s shoulder’s, pushing up on his toes. “You never even had to ask, but if it makes you happy, then yes. I will go to prom with you.”

With a grin, Richie wrapped his arms around Eddie’s waist, lifting him off the ground as he spun him around, extracting a giggle from Eddie’s lips. As he was set back on his feet, Richie ducked his head, bringing their lips together into a much deeper kiss, but not too deep as his dad was still in the next room. “Love you, Eds.”

Eddie beamed, “Love you too, Richie.”

* * * * *

@3tothe1 @anellope @annxmatron @appojoos @are-you-reddie-for-it @beepbeeprichiellc @bi-bi-richie @billdenbrough @bitchbrak @callmechee @dadbodrichie @derrylosers @disneyfan567 @eds-trashmouth @eduardoandale @feldmancorey @girasol-eddie @gloire-celeste @halfway-happy353 @hawkinsbabe @inthebreadbinwrites @itfandomprompts @its-stranger-than-you-think @jem-carstairs-is-perfection @kaspzier @lifesucksheres20bucks @loserslibrary @losers-gotta-stick-together @madidraw @mars-14 @marsisaplanetyall @moonlightrichie @nancynwheeler @no-she-wasnt-reddie @oldguybones @pink-psychic @purplepoisonedgem @queen-sock @ransonelovebot @rebecca-the-queen @reddie-for-anything @reddie-to-cryy @reddieforlove @reddiesetandgo @richietoaster  @roobarrtrashmouth @rreddies @s-onora @s-s-georgie @sashadrowned @sedanleystanley @sloppybitchreddie @sparklingrainbowdragon @spirited-marvel @stellarbisexual @studpuffin @takeourpure @that-weird-girls-blog @thegoshdiddlydangdoor @thejadeazalea @thorn-harvester-ven @tinyarmedtrex @tozier-boy @tozierking @toziesque @trashmouthtozierr @twoidiotsinl0ve @violetreddie @virgo-luthie @wilding-throught-thehallways @xandertheundead @xcottoncandykatx 

[mydarling-suggestions]

Ok so I sent my last one in on 12-21 and this one is being sent 12-22(his birthday). I'm not quite sure how much I said before but whatever imma just go for the events of the last couple of days. Not asking advice, just updating since you've been helping me :)

Yesterday, I texted him asking him if he was doing anything for his birthday today because one of our friends was trying to plan something for his birthday and he told me that his mom was probably planning something out, he couldn't do anything today for sure. So I asked him to go to birthday dinner, wherever he wants, and I'll pay and he said that he (a now 20yo man) was being forced to go to a church event to meet people by his mom (which after 5 years knowing them, I'm not actually sure she would do that) but at that point I was like "whatever, kinda sad but its fine". So today I said happy birthday at 8am, he responded with thanks nearly 3 hours later and then didnt say anything until I asked him if he was doing stuff with his family still, which he said yes, and so an hour or two later I texted him telling him I was bringing his christmas/birthday present (a 50$ blanket that I made by hand out of my own sparse funds because I'm in college), showed up, his mom was surprised and said that he walked downstairs with another friend not too long ago (which remember he said he for sure could not have people over today) so I headed downstairs and found him and one of our friends checking out video games and such and when I handed him the present, he just looked at it and went "so it's just a blanket?" To which my snarky, already kinda upset ass replied, "yeah. And I made it." To which he got googly eyed and looked embarrassed for acting like that in front of our friend, who is also recieving a handmade gift and both received handmade gifts in the past numerous times and know that that's my thing. Our friend just kinda looked at him like "uh.. duh its handmade dumbass?? You've known her for 5 years and didn't know it'd be handmade??" And then went back to looking at games. BEFORE THIS LAST PART: this friend that was in the room was not supposed to know that we were dating as to not hurt his feelings/keep another friend who's a little too obsessed with bf from knowing. ANYWAY so he gets up and just kinda gives me this awkward smile and a light hug, like one of your guy best friends in middle school were trying to console you on your first period or something, and then kisses me in front of this friend who isn't supposed to know. So I left, went to a nearby park and cried bc 1. If he wanted to just spend some time with this one friend, he should have and could have just told me and i would've been fine and he knows that bc weve both done it before and been fine. 2. The attitude that came with receiving his present? I mean I get just not using it or donating it once the persons gone but straight up "it's just a blanket?" To my face?? 3. If he told the friend we were dating, I would've liked to had known so I didnt feel wierd recieving a present and not being able to talk to him about it and having to watch what's coming out of my mouth. 4. Why is he seemingly avoiding me???

Now that I'm done with that, with what you said in the last reply about talking to him, I do plan on it. I was going to over dinner, but since it was his birthday it didnt feel right so I'm going to wait a bit. I'm honestly hoping this doesn't go on much longer and it fixes soon bc the last time I was in a situation like this was bc I wasnt giving the guy what he wanted and so he cheated on me, then tried to pin the blame on me and play victim so I would break up with him and it wouldn't be his fault to his parents (I most def made him take responsibility) but I dont want anything like that happening again (though I doubt the cheating part would happen since hes super antisocial)

Thanks for listening folks

Okay so, I talked to him and told him he needed to communicate with me because he said he was having problems and I told him he needed to talk to me about those things and not just ignore me, and he told me yesterday (new years eve) he wanted to talk to me bc I was right, he needed to communicate and we went to a park and he talked for a bit, said he wasnt sure he wanted to finish bc he didnt want me to be mad or shattered or anything, I reassured him and he broke up with me. I took him home, we joked for a min before he got out and he said "see you around" when he got out so we're still cool and friends so I'm pretty happy with the situation all in all. I wanted him to break up with me last night if at all so that I could go into the new year and just let it go since I kinda knew that things would be ending a while ago anyway.

i know this is late im sorry i was working on my mental health yet again 🥺

for the first part, excuse my french but what a dick... i always do homemade gifts so i know how that is, but "just a blanket" that would crush me...i would have been so upset.

for the second part, the ending shattered my heart because it sucks to know the relationship is ending, however im glad it ended on okay terms... i wish you all the luck in the world and if you ever just want someone to talk to im here, ive dropped my @ multiple times including once tonight, if you ever do feel so inclined to message me i would gladly talk to you for a bit!

p.s. happy new year i love you toooo!

[briannartoonz]

Ya boy is back- (sorta)

Hey guys! Sorry i wasnt able to be on here for Christmas but i wanted to pop on and wish everyone a Happy New Year! Im sure 2020 has been hard on everyone, i certainly been hit hard as well, but hopefully with the coming of 2021 things will be better!  Anyways uh, thought i’d pop in and say im back! Well sorta. Why? Well im gonna be off for a few more days before im offically back, since the reason why i popped off for a while was for mental reasons and work on myself for a bit, so i’ll be back on in a few days to make sure im good to go to start posting again! Also i thought i’d share a few things that happened while ive been gone! First things first uh, i’ll be putting this one first cuz this one has made me the happiest and im still very happy about it, i finally found myself! I just two days ago, after trying to figure out who i am for so long, came out as bigender, and im really happy with myself for that, cuz figuring out who i was as a person was something ive been hoping for for so long and im finally happy with myself! So from this moment forward, i will now go by the names Bri, Brian, and yes, still Queen, and pronouns are now She/Her/He/Him, im just very happy with myself! On Christmas i got a XP-Pen Artist 15.6 Tablet as well as a Macbook to use it with! And the best part about it, is that adobe animate works with it, so i’m excited to say i’ll be animating more now that i have a proper animation program to work with! And being that OBS is also able to be used as well i’ll hopefully be able to post speedpaints as well at some point!

Ive been trying to change up my art style a bit and trying to improve a bit more since ive kinda been unhappy with how my style looked so i tried changing it a bit, it doesnt look too different but it looks ok enough! Me and my bro @ace-ace-bb have been putting together a project for our Danganronpa ocs that we decided on the name Danganronpa: New Despair Saga (sorry if thats kinda cringe) that we hope at some point in the future we can make into a Fanganronpa game, but for now we just working out the story line, the deaths and executions (we’ve got a few executions put together that i found really cool) and everything with the characters, and who survives to the end as well as the mastermind, really happy to be working on this project with the bro, he’s come up with such cool ideas for the project!

Last thing is that, its my birthday month! Idk how i feel turning a year older now (yeesh 19 is old) but hey, i’ll have cake! :’))

Anyways i hope to be back soon! Have a Happy New Year and may this year treat you all better than last year!  -Bri

[jimimn]

HI ITS ME WHO'S NOT OVER JJK BLONDE SELFIE AND WILL NEVER BE -💫

HELLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO <33333333

HONESTLY ITS THE WAY YOH SAY SUCH NICE THINGS AND I DISAPPEAR FOR DAYS ON END BECAUSE INCONSISTENCY BLEEDS INTO EVERY CORNER OF MY LIFE FNEKALKD BUT I'M GETTING DONE WITH MY FIRST LEG OF EXAMS ON MONDAY SO YAY TO THAT!! OKAY I THINK WE'LL MOVE SLOWLY WITH BABY STEPS JUNGKOOK DROPPED SOME SELCAS JIMIN DROPPED SOME SELCAS IN THE WORDS OF THE LEGENDARY JEON JUNGKOOK ALL WE NEED NOW IS "together..BAM!" (THAT'S LITERALLY ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOMENTS EVER THE WAY HE SAYS IT 🤧)

YES IN THIS HOUSE WE SCREAM OVER JIMIN'S DISRESPECT HE IS THE PARAGON OF A MULTI-FACETED MAN THAT HAS US WRAPPED AROUND HIS FINGER. THE AUDACITY 😤

CHANEL X JIMIN LETS MAKE IT HAPPEN AND OMG THAT SELFIE THAT DROPPED?? SIR???? WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL?? I MEAN YES BH SAID LET'S DROP SELFIES IN BULK BUT THAT ONE PICTURE OF HIM IN BLACK(GREY? I DONT KNOW FHSKKAJF) WITH THE SHIRTS UNBUTTONED!!! THEM COLLARBONES ARE FREE AND THEY'RE THRIVING IN THE OPEN IN THAT ONE. ALSO HIS LIPS ARE SO PRETTY. OH GOD LITERALLY HE HAS THAT COCKY SMIRK ON HIS FACE WHEN HE KNOWS HE DOES HOT BOY SHIT LIKE SHUT UP OK YOU CANT DO THAT JAIL FOR U NDNSLSKAJJW

SUCH A FUCKING TEASE THATS RIGHT!! EVEN STRAIGHT MEN?? BRO LIKE HOW DO YOU HAVE ALL GENDERS JUST TRIPPING OVER THEMSELVES FOR YOU IT'S INSANE AND OMG MISS SHIVI HAVE YOU SEEN THAT ONE CLIP IN WHICH JIMIN HOLDS HIS GAZE WITH THESE MEN WHO LOOK AT HIM (i think it was bon voyage?) and when they cross each other he JUST SMIRKS AND RUNS HIS HAND THROUGH HIS HAIR LIKE YEAH OK ALEXA PLAY I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT. AND YES I'LL LISTEN TO EVERYTHING YOU HAVE TO SAY ANYTIME 💗💗

12PM KST IS THE HOLY HOUR I TELL YOU ALTHOUGH I REMEMBER WAITING THE NIGHT BEFORE BE CAME OUT WAITING FOR SOMETHING TO COME AND BH WAS JUST LIKE "yea...no" OMG THAT'S AWESOME YOUR COUSIN'S VISITING YOU

HHFJDOSO YEAH IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE THEY DID THE JUMP ALTHOUGHHHH I'M POSITIVE THEY'LL DO SMTH COOL LIKE THAT IN THEIR CONCERTS BECAUSE THEIR PERFORMANCE QUALITY IS JUST.. THROUGH THE ROOF IT'S CRAZY!! WHEN THE PERFORM WINGS?? LIKE HOLY SHIT NO CHOREO NO POSITIONS JUST BTS RUNNING AROUND THE STAGE MAKING THE CROWD GO FERAL I LOVE EVERY WINGS PERFORMANCE SO MUCH MY SEROTONIN LEVELS ARE ALWAYS AT A HIGH THEN. OOHH MY GODDD BS&T IS REALLY THAT BITCH!!!! WHO'S DOING IT LIKE HER TODAY NO ONE IS EXACTLY. AND NOOOO I TOTALLY GET IT WE THINK ON THE SAME WAVELENGTH THAT ACCIDENT HAS THE SAME EFFECT ON ME. IF ONLY YOU'D TOLD ME THEN IN 2016 THAT THAT ACCIDENT WAS THE START OF SO MANY I'D BE PREPARED FOR EVERYTHING THAT FOLLOWED (see: him basically stripping himself that one serendipity performance. holy shit.)

FOR REAL THO CHRISTMAS LOVE DROPPED OUT OF NOWHERE AND DO YOU REMEMBER JIMIN SAYINF uUH iM nOt wORkInG oN a SoLo SoNg aT ThE mOmEnT heHe LIKE ALL MEN DO IS LIE OK AT THIS POINT. BYE. YES TAEHYUNG DID WARN US BUT ARMYS (LIKE MYSELF) PUT THEIR CLOWN WIGS ON AND THOUGHT IT WAS KTH1 LMAO. OMG I HOPE YOU DON'T SLEEP THROUGH ANY OF THEIR UPCOMING SONG RELEASES BUT I'M SURE IT'S THE BEST FEELING TO WAKE UP TO CHECK YOUR NOTIFS AND SEE "Big Hit Labels" BECAUSE THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW IT'S GOING TO BE FIREEE. DUDE SERIOUSLY I NEED JIMIN TO GO LIVE AGAIN (although we've been well fed by namjoon for now🤧😌💗) LIKE THAT ONE YT LIVE WHERE HE SAID "O...M...G" SHUT UP STOP BEING SO CUTE I'M DHJSWLIFJWKALS

LMAO OKAY YEAH THAT'S VALID YOUR BLOG THEME IS BASICALLY ✨jimin✨ AND I LOVE THAT IT REALLY GRAVITATED ME AND YOUR URL OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDD YOUR BRAINNN 💆‍♀️💆‍♀️💆‍♀️💆‍♀️💆‍♀️

YES YES YES JIMIN IS SO PERFECT AND THE SOCK DOODLESSS 😭😭😭 oooo so when did you get into giffing? how did you start? BROOOOO YOUR URL'S ORIGIN STORY. I LOVE IT WOW YES IT'S DEFINITELY GOT THE REQUIRED ✨pazzaz✨

NOOO OMG THIS URL IS YOUR BRAND LIKE YOU'RE A LEGEND ON ARMYBLR I LOVE IT SO MUCH. BUT STILL!! IT'S YOUR CHOICE AT THE END 💖

OMG QUARANTINE DID IT'S ONE GOOD JOB AND GOT YOU INTO BANGTAN YAY. OMG YOU AND MISS LIFEGOESMON ARE FRIENDSS??? LEGENDS INTERACTING THIS IS SO COOL. LMAO THE PARADIGM SHIFT YOU MUST'VE FELT FROM LISTENING TO STAY GOLD (WHICH BTW THE MV...THE LITERAL CUTEST OH GOD THE LITTLE DOG AND JIMIN'S LITTLE SMILES DHSJAOWO) TO THEN GOING TO BST IN WHICH JIMIN IS BASICALLY STRIPPING AND JUNGKOOK IS UPSIDE DOWN LMAOOO. YES BS&T HAS EVERYONE HOOKED THE POWERRRR. YOU FALLING DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE WITH YOUR FRIEND'S ASSISTANCE OH GOD THIS IS SO CUTE 💓 EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM 🥺🥺🥺

AAAAH OKAY MY STORY ISN'T AS INTERESTING AS YOURS IS BUT IN 2016 BASICALLY ALL I KNEW OF KPOP WAS GANGNAM STYLE AND WASNT WILLING TO CUANGE THAT PERCEPTION (FOOL BEHAVIOUR I TELL YOU) AND WAS TOO BUSY OBSESSING OVER ONE DIRECTION'S REUNION AND SO ONE NIGHT (THE NIGHT BEFORE JIMIN'S BIRTHDAY 🤧🤧) I JUST STUMBLED UPON THEIR BS&T TEARS MV AND I HEARD IT AND I WAS LIKE OMG!! THIS IS THAT SUPER ADDICTIVE SONG THAT I'D HEARD SOMEWHERE AND IT JUST SPIRALLED FROM THERE I REMEMBER SEEING JIMIN AND BEING LIKE 👀👀👀👀 WHO IS HE I LIKE HIM AND JUST HIS AURA DREW ME IN SOOO MUCH AND WHEN I WAS GETTING INTO THEM I REMEMBER WRITING THEIR NAMES IN MY NOTES TO SEE IF I COULD REMEMBER 🤧 AND I STILL HAVE THAT NOTE FROM 4+ YEARS AGO 💓 AND YEAH BASICALLY SEEING THEM DO ALL THE MUSIC SHOWS AND STUFF AT THE TIME WAS SO COOOL AND MIND YOU BH DIDN'T HAVE SUBS FOR BANGTAN BOMBS THEN SO WENT ON THESE SKETCHY DAILYMOTION TYPE SITES LOOKING FOR ALL THE CONTENT I COULD CHURN OUT LMAO

AND YES!! COURTESY OF YOU I DID WATCH SOME RUN EPS!! I WATCHED THEIR CANADA ONES SPEAKING OF WHICH I LOOOVE THAT PART WHERE THEY'RE DOING THAT SONG GUESSING THING IN THE MORNING AND JIMIN SAYS "are you cold?" 🥺🥺 TO TAE AND HUGS HIM URRHRHEHSJSJSH AND I ALSO SAW THE ONES WITH THE PUPPIES GODDDDD I LOVE THE PUPPIES ONE SO MUCH LITERALLY JUNGKOOK AND HIS DOG (MIRI?) OH MY GOD THAT LIL FLUFFER AND ADAM IS MY ICON WITH HOW HE JUST DID HIS OWN THING LMAO.

BUT ANYWAY!! DO YOU HAVE A FAVE ERA?? LIKE DO YOU EVER LOOK AT THEM AND GO "Damn I wish I was a fan then" BECAUSE HONESTLY I WISH I HAD STANNED THEM IN THEIR DOPE ERA BUT I DON'T THINK I WOULD HAVE SURVIVED JIMIN THEN DHKSOWID-💫

FOR THE UMPTEENTH TIME!!!!!!! ITS OKAY!!!!!!!! I TOTALLY TOTALLY UNDERSTAND!!!!! AND YAYYYYY CONGRATS I HOPE THE FIRST LEG OF EXAMS WENT WELL <333333 AND OH MY GOD you’re gonna make me cry with the together baam goddddddd same one of my fave moments and jimin’s giggles after that 😭😭😭😭 my babies <3 :((((

that..... black suit selca....... that opened button...... like open one more dear sir who’s stopping you... just do it <33333 YEAH he totally needs to shut up with his i know im hot side it just kills me every single time 😭😭😭😭😭

LISTEN THAT BV3 MOMENT  S H O O K  ME OKAY????? THOSE GUYS LOOKED AT HIM AND HE WAS SO FUCKING SMUG ABOUT IT (AND HE SHOULD BE) AND THE WAY HE LICKED HIS LIPS AND RAN HIS HANDS THROUGH HIS HAIR????? LIKE HE KNOWS HE HAS EVERY SINGLE PERSON; NO MATTER WHAT GENDER; WRAPPED AROUND HIS LIL PINKY LIKE THAT???????

OH MY GOD ME TOO I LOVEEEEEEEEEEE THE WINGS STAGE AND WATCHING THEM HAVE SO MUCH FUN IS JUST SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I ALSO ABSOLUTELY LOVVVEEE THEIR ENERGY DURING THE SY TOUR MEDLEY WITH IDOL AND BAEPSAE AND FIRE AND DOPE ZSXDFGFCHGVJBHJN THEY JUST LOSE THEMSELVES IN THE CROWD AND THE MUSIC AND ITS JUST SO FUCKING SURREAL TO WATCH HOW MUCH THEY ENJOY DOING WHAT THEY DO!!!!! kinda makes me want to find that happiness and passion in whatever i do in my professional life <3 and LISTEN jimin said the break the soul commentary THAT HE COULD DO SERENDIPITY SHIRTLESS TOO. THE AUDACITY. HE SAID THAT WITH HIS WHOLE CHEST. 

YOU KNWO WHAT I THINK JIMIN WON’T GIVE US A HINT BEFORE DROPPING PJM1. HE’LL JUST DROP IT ONE FINE DAY OUT OF NOWHERE LIKE HE DROPPED PROMISE AND CHRISTMAS LOVE (i wasn’t here when he dropped promise but i read that on twitter sdfghjkl) AND NO PLS NO I DO N O T WANT TO SLEEP THROUGH JJK1 OR KTH1 OR PJM1 OR KSJ1 OR NAMGI MIXTAPE 3 OR HOBI MIXTAPE 2 OR ANYTHING BASICALLY YOU GET IT i had slept through dynamite cb because i had NO CLUE that they were gonna drop it at 1pm kst rather than 12 am kst. i was under the impression that since they dropped all the teaser pictures and the teaser itself as 12 am kst, the mv will drop at 12 am kst too. and I woke up like two hours after the mv dropped (which was almost noon my time) and i felt like A FUCKING FOOL AND I JUST 😭😭😭😭 NEVER WANT TO FEEL LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN 😭😭😭 

AND YES BABIE NEEDS TO COME LIVE SOON PLS I MISS HIM SO FUCKING MUCH :((((( AND HIS O...M.....G HAD MADE ME FUCKING SOBBBBBBBBBBB his yt live god he looked sooooooo fluffy with his hair and his tiny hands and his puppy eyes and soft voice im just so 😭😭😭😭😭😭

NO NONNONONONO PLEASE IM NO LEGEND DON’T SAY THAT IM EMBARRASSED im just a normal fangirl who makes okayish gifs 😭😭 and ok yes so i started giffing LONNNGGGGGG time back on a different public fan forum from my country but i never knew the right process and stuff so obviously the gifs were shitty lmao BUT ANYWAY i got into gifmaking PROPERLY this in july last year and obviously struggled a lot in the beginning because i didn’t know shit about colouring and stuff lmao but i kept practicing and even though im not perfect rn i do think that i got better. i love giffing tho. its such a nice creative outlet and whenever i gif the boys it brings me so much happiness :( <33

AND YES ASDFGHJKL ME AND HER ARE FRIENDS SINCE A VERY LONG TIME SDFGHJK LIKE LONG BEFORE BOTH OF US GOT INTO BTS SDFGHJ and ah yes the whiplash lmaooooooo and you’re right god the stay gold mv is SO FUCKING PRETTY THE COLOURS IN THAT ENTIRE MV HELLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AND JIMIN AND TAE AND JOON WITH THE DOGGO JUST EVERYTHING SDFGHJK <3333333 AND BS&T DUDE I GIFFED THE MV YESTERDAY AND IM 💀💀💀💀💀 (like i just giffed jimin from the mv but i did watch the whole thing 5647589 times <333333) AND GUESS WHAT!!!!!! I WAS A LILLY SINGH FAN (IDK IF YOU KNOW HER SHE’S A YOUTUBER) BACK IN 2016 AND PEOPLE BACK THEN HAD REQUESTED HER TO REACT TO BS&T MV AND I HAD WATCHED HER REACTION VIDEO AND (although it didn’t stick with me back then because i was a fucking fool) I DID SOMEHOW REMEMBERED THE JIN AND STATUE KISSING MOMENT AND WHEN IN 2020 I SAW THE MV AND SAW THE KISSING MOMENT MY BRAIN JUST!!!!!!!!!!! I WAS LIKE HOLY SHIT I HAVE SEEN THIS BEFORE SOMEWHERE AND THEN I REMEMBERED I HAD SEEN THIS IN THE REACTION VIDEO LMAOOOOO i wish i hadn’t been a fool and gotten into them back then :((((

AH NO OMG YOUR STORY IS SOOOOOOO CUTEEEEEEEEEE ATLEAST YOU WEREN’T A FOOL LIKE ME TO NOT GET ATTRACTED TO BS&T THE FIRST TIME OF SEEING IT!!!! I WANNA HIT MY 2016 SELF LIKE DAMN YOU YOU FOOLISH ASSHOLE AND yes omg how did y’all do the subs thing damnnnnn i can’t imagine

AND YES THE CANADA RUN EPIS ARE LOOOVVVEEEE and that vmin moment plsssssss i cry everytime 😭😭😭😭😭 it is just so soft and innocent and tae’s little smile after jimin just turns around and hugs him 😔😔😔😔 i love soulmates 😔😔😔😔 AND MIRI YES OMG EVERYONE WAS SO IMPRESSED BY THE LITTLE CUTIE AND THE WAY JUNGKOOK JUST KEPT ADORING HER THROUGHOUT MADE ME SO SO SOFTTTT and bro adam is me. i am like that. lazy and un-motivated AF. although if i were a dog and jin were to be my owner i would listen to him so well and jump on him every chance i’d get 😌😌😌

GOD YES RED HAIR DOPE ERA JIMIN 💀 BABIE BUT MAKE IT SEXY 🥵🥵 AND OMG YESDGFHG MY FAVE ERA IS HYYH. ORANGE HAIRED JIMIN. PLS. HE’S EVERYTHING. I WISH I HAD GOTTEN INTO THEM DURING THAT. LIKE THAT ERA IS ..... SOMEHOW SO FUCKING WILD AND STILL SO ASSURING AND CALMING ????? KEEPS ME ROOTED LIKE IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN DFGHJKL AND WINGS TOO DAMN I WISH I WAS HERE TO LIVE ALL THOSE AMAZING ERAS. but even though i wish i had gotten into them earlier... i think i found them when i needed them the most. I was going through a very difficult time last year and they somehow they made me feel so fucking safe and at home that the connection was instant. honestly i’ve never stanned or felt a connection with any celebrity as strong as the one i feel with bangtan. its like... they don’t know i exist but they still know EXACTLY what im feeling and what to say or do at that time to make me feel comforted. Its weird god but its true :((( SORRY I GOT EMO I JUST LOVE THEM A LOT SDFGHJKL

[desticuleconfessions]

hey desticule. so i have a supernatural-themed girl best friends story that i’ve wanted to share for a long time, especially because none of my irl friends ever rly understood the gravity of this experience w/o the context of spn. there’s a lot of fun parallels to stuff on the show, and its given me like years of brain rot and therapy lmao. so i really deeply appreciate this page as an outlet, thank you so much to the mods for making it. anyways uh. here goes. sorry it’s so long.

[tw: queer trauma, religious trauma, mental illness]

okay so. in 3rd grade i met this girl. we'll call her kate. we became best friends, as in our names were never spoken separately, we did (and won) every science fair together, she came skiing with my family every winter, i stayed with her family at their beach house in the summers, our younger siblings were friends, etc.

our birthdays were exactly 6 months apart (jan 22/jul 22) so we literally believed that we were celestially intertwined.

we wrote a novel together in 8th grade. her family is baptist, we attended massachusetts catholic schools. i would go to church with her family when i slept over, i held hands and said grace with them at meals. they are all tall and blonde and beautiful. classically angelic. i am south asian. i remember introducing her to harry potter in the 4th grade, her mother hadn't let her read em because it was "blasphemous", but i snuck her my copies and she would read them during lunch n recess and keep them in my locker. sorry this seems like a lot of unnecessary detail but it will be important later.

anyways we both got into doctor who and subsequentally supernatural (s1-8?9 at the time). i specifically remember getting her into supernatural. i also remember her instinctive disdain for destiel when i talked about it, i was showing her a meta or fanfic i think, and i talked her through undoing some of her christian household’s internalized homophobia (fully assuming we were both straight at this point) (we were fucking 12). we'd do the whole "bitch" "jerk" thing, i (the older one) affectionately called her 'sammy', her phone password was dean, mine was cas (and they still are). on my 13th birthday, she gifted me a samulet, which i still wear to this day. (additionally, she gave me a vonnegut 'so it goes' necklace one year) (thats not vital but) (goes to show the extent of my dean coding) (im also an aquarius lmao). im highly protective of her. i carry extra rubber bands on my wrist for her. i keep our money and phones in my jacket when the school takes us skiing. i sit next to her in the halls during lunch and organize her binder. on an 8th grade field trip, a boy made a gross comment at her and i broke his nose.

so we start high school together at coed catholic school nearby, i join debate, make a friend also into spn, she's bi. she asks kate out over text. kate's mom sees this. things turn.

now the rest of these things happened over the course of a couple months and due to my trauma memory loss, i have no idea how accurate some of these memories are so uh. don't hold me to them.

- her highly religious mother is not happy with this obviously. at some point, she brings a priest home and tries to have kate exorcised.

- at this point, we learn that kate is schizophrenic; it never seemed to create noticeable issues before bc her home life and childhood was a perfect happy dream (not an assumption, her words).

- she's still coming to school, sporadically now, i bring home her work, spend hours helping her.

- when she comes to school, she has seizures: sometimes we're fortunate enough that they happen in a class we have together. she freezes up and the teacher empties the room. i refuse to leave. i hold her hand and softly sing her favorite song and sometimes she comes back to me. sometimes she doesn’t and the bell rings and the teacher forces me to leave and let the nurse handle it.

- another time they announce a medical lockdown (to keep ppl out of the hallway if someone is being escorted to an ambulance) while im in catholicism class, i immediately know it’s her; she fainted in the pool during swim team practice.

- i stay awake for 6 days straight bc i read online that sleep deprivation induces some of the same symptoms as schizophrenia and if i could understand what she was going through, i could help her

- she shows up at my house w both of her parents 15 minutes before the winter ball, begs me to go bc her parents will only let her if i go. so i do. her mom lurks by the gym doors with the chaperones. during a slow song, kate and debate girl start to slow dance, i grab our friend’s hand, drag him in front of them so her mom can’t see and make out with him.

- i wanted to tell her to stop but i was too afraid i would lose us, that it would seem like i was homophobic or i was jealous, but i knew her in my marrow and it didn’t seem like she was in love or into the relationship, it was willful self destruction

- we talked in the last few years, she confirmed this.

- at some point, she says she’s sorry she didn’t tell me about the voices before.

- when we talk, she’s not her anymore, she doesn’t remember our inside jokes, our codes, i can feel her being slowly ripped away and apart in real time

- i have a vivid memory of arguing with her and her telling me im not real, that her mind made me up, while occasionally speaking to something? someone? else in the room. i hold her hand and point to the matching thin scars on our thumbs and try to convince her im real.

- she eventually drops out entirely, taken to some mental facility that im not entirely sure wasnt conversion therapy (it was definitely a religious facility) (and conversion therapy was not outlawed in new hampshire until 2019) and im not allowed to see her.

- every now and then i get cryptic distressing emails or texts from her.

- one in particular has the subject, “youandiwalkafragilelineihaveknownitallthistimebutineverthoughtidlivetoseeitbreak” which is the first line of the song ‘haunted’ by taylor swift (our shared favorite)(the summer after this happened we collectively decided we needed a new swift Our Song and chose ‘breathe’). the body of the email read “what the hell have i done”

- i pray for the first time in my life, every single day for a few months, in different languages, at temple with my parents, in the chapel at school

- on a club trip, i get a call at 2am from her, crying, asking me why i didn’t help her, why i didn’t stop her, that it was my job to protect her

here’s something i wrote about her, three yrs after:

I wasn’t careful enough and she caught quickly. She burned so close and so bright that for long afterwards, I could not see. And like that, she was gone. I walked into the chapel. Mea culpa. Mea culpa. Mea maxima culpa.

[that last line is from the latin version for a catholic prayer called the act of contrition, it translates to “through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault”]

in the fall, i hear she’s starting at a small baptist school almost an hour from her house. she is dating the principal’s son. the principal is also her pastor.

in my second year of college, i have a bad acid trip in a snowy park in december. i put my hands into the snow and when i look at them,i see blood. i see her body in the snow adorned like it’s a funeral

i still have dreams about her. sometimes i meet her in a grassy field, flying kites and i invite her to my wedding. in others, i catch a glimpse of her ponytail and catholic school skirt and chase her up eight flights of stairs and when i grab her hand, she turns to ash.

at some point in a separate argument w my parents in which they went through my texts and found out i wasn’t straight (amongst other things) my dad says:“i knew i should’ve listened to [kate’s dad] when he told me the things you would talk about. he knew what you are. and he took his daughter away from you.”

last christmas we met up and drove around together, she tells me that for years she thought i hated her for letting me down and for abandoning me, and i literally have the dean winchester in ‘sacrifice’ five stages of grief when sam says “you know what i confessed in there?” because i could not even begin to fathom that she ever blamed herself. it had always been my fault. i had failed to save her. i corrupted her and i failed to save her.

anyways she’s fine now, she’s okay, im okay, we’ve talked and unpacked and we’re alright. but uh. yeah. that happened. the parallels make me crazy. now they can make you crazy too.

‎

[confessions-of-a-blogger]

Karma, or bollocks?

I wanted to write what's happened in my life for a while, well, my adult life. I find writing very therapeutic and something I have enjoyed doing since I was 13, so 16 years now.

I haven't found the need too, but now, I do.

It's going to paint myself in a bad light, or a good light, you can judge I am fine with that, I have lived with these choices for a long time, some more recently fair to say.

In the words of Nickelback 'Something's gotta go wrong cos I'm feeling way too damn good'

I always say out of every negative, and there can be alot, there is a least one positive. I hope by the end of this, I find that positive.

So the beginning, kind of. October 2012.

I was with a girl, but went to America for a month with my best friend at the time. He used to live there and I came into a bit of money, always wanted to go to the states, and had the most wonderful month.

About 2 weeks in I got a scent that something was happening between my partner and someone else, and I was right. I snooped on her Facebook inboxes, and found she had been talking to a girl, more than talking really, flirting, saying she wish she could be with her, the usual jazz. Which, I had done myself previously, and I deserved it to happen to me. I jumped from relationship to relationship for years, my therapist said it was because I didn't feel loved by my mum after years of abuse, I always went from woman to woman to find the love, and I agreed.

When I came back, I was expecting to break up with her, but I was about to look after my friends dog in his flat for an unknown period of time, and she had told her mum this, so her mum kicked her out.

With nowhere to live, I felt like it was now my responsibility, so we spoke and worked on things.

A few months down the line, she fell pregnant, and I was over the moon. I always wanted the family life, even after the red flag, but unfortunately she miscarried.

Then things changed slightly. Controlling behaviour, both our heads in the wrong places, still trying to hold a relationship together, and of course still sleeping together, and she fell pregnant, again.

This time I was at fault, I didn't wanna be with her, and I figured she was going through my phone, so I left her things to find so we could break up.

Then I felt horrible. I left my pregnant partner. Regardless of if I wanted to be with them, I should not of done that, at that time, so we got back together, and she miscarried, again.

2 back to back nearly killed us both off. So I made it clear I didn't want to try again and she went onto the pill.

Which she then stopped taking, and on her highest ovulation day she got me drunk, we fucked, and she fell pregnant a third time.

Not wanting to make the same mistake, I stayed. For a while. The thought that someone just went behind my back to get pregnant after I made it clear I couldn't cope with another miscarriage brewed. I had already struggled with mental health from the years of abuse by my mum, I didn't want to go through a third and come out alot worse.

We got to 12 weeks, and everything was okay with baby, but I knew I needed out. It was a massive betrayal of trust, and I could no longer trust her.

Her birthday came up, then Christmas and New year, so I didn't act on this, I didn't want to cause more stress and miscarry again.

In Jan 2014, after a month of just basically both of us talking to other people, I ended it, and a month later I was with someone else. Needless to say, it wasnt a good thing. I felt like I was being blackmailed by my ex to do all these things just so I could see my unborn. I always wanted children, and said I would do anything to see them as often as possible.

In May that child was born, and it was the most amazing feeling in the world. The blackmail continued and in August it all came out that I had been essentially having an affair, not that I wanted it, and that caused strain on my relationship at the time. I was wrong, very very wrong to do what I did, and should of stood my ground, but maybe the rest of this story will show you how hard that would of been.

Things were hard, I was being stopped from seeing my child as often as I liked, and it was a case of 'can you have her tomorrow' always at short notice, and always having to juggle work around that. When I couldn't change shifts at short notice, things got worse. Arguing on her side, emotional abuse, the works. Child as a weapon.

After a few months, I would say February 2015, contact turned very very minimal.

In March, my partner cheated on me twice, with the same person, but I loved her and accepted that as she accepted my actions the year before. And we moved passed it, even if it was on the anniversary of my mum's death.

A few more months down the line, the contact with my child stopped completely, and over the years no matter how hard I tried, for a while, I got nowhere.

My partner cheated on me a further 3 times, and in 2016 she left me for someone else. 7 weeks later we found out she was pregnant.

She told me she hadn't slept with the guy the first 2 weeks but she was 7 weeks pregnant. So we got back together. I was dating someone, someone I wanted to date for a while, but felt this was the right thing to do. If I had one chance to make it work I had to take it. I didn't miss an appointment, and I only just missed the birth. Then we did the DNA, and in the best Jeremey Kyle moment of all time, she told me she wanted a family with me regardless of the result, we would be a family and a day later, the DNA test showed that I was not the father.

I was okay for a few weeks, but I couldn't live with looking at a child that should be mine all the time whilst not being alllowed to see my own, once I said that, she left.

Then out of nowhere, my ex rings me, and I see my eldest for a while, a month or 2, before she got back with her fella and the contact stopped, again.

Then I lost my job, and had nothing. Time to rebuild, whilst being off sick for 3 years.

In that time I met someone, they were super nice and we had good times, but truthfully, I was still hung up on my ex for 2 years, and then I chose to settle. I hadn't had nice before, things were good. I thought I would finally grow to love her, and I did to some aspect, but I never fell in love.

Then one day, in February 2020, I walk into a shop and there she was. The person all these soppy love quotes are about, the person I dreamed of meeting since I was teenager, stood before my very eyes. At that point I knew I had to break up with my partner. If you look at someone else then you should not stay with the person you are with. I went in a further 3 times and every time all I could think was wow.

Then lockdown happened, and well, signs were there that my partner was pregnant. When lockdown ended in the summer, she came to mine, and low and behold, she was. 23 weeks pregnant.

We had one week to decide and we booked everything for an abortion, but, I was born at 24 weeks, so we both opted against it.

In September, I applied for a job at where the girl I always wanted to be with/find, and got it. At the same time, my partner gave birth.

I pushed my feelings to one side. They only grow when I think someone might be interested and that certainly wasn't the case. I now had a family to provide for, and that family life I always wanted with a nice, lovely, good looking girl, plus, the girl I liked and her bf both worked there, and I got on with both of them, so my feelings kind of disappeared to the back of my mind.

Then the job was made permanent, at a time when my relationship was failing, and over the course of a few months, things creeped in that made me unhappy, and I was so pissed off with myself that I just settled knowing it wasn't what I wanted. Stupid me, everything I wanted and got turned to dust, I thought being with someone nice meant that I would get the happy ending and a family life, but life doesn't work out like that.

But fate has its way sometimes. I had found my dream girl, I got the job, it was permanent, and out of all the people I worked with it was her I went to for advice, and it appeared we had similar thoughts, but also, we were both unhappy in our relationships to some extent, and I just got contact with my eldest again, for a while at least.

Then something amazing happened. She flirted. I couldn't believe it either, and then we became good friends, that helped each other out.

I spoke to my partner, told her I was unhappy, and we tried to work on it, but it got worse and my mind was made up. So I pretty much made it clear to the girl I worked with I liked her. I told her she was my type, and she seemed interested if i was gonna break up with my partner, and I was. Then I reacted to some pictures of her on her insta story, where she looked absolutely out of this world, and then suddenly we knew we had to break up with our partners.

She wanted to call a break but fate had its way again and they actually called things off, and so did I. Not to get with each other, but because we knew we were unhappy whilst being made happy by someone else. We had both checked out our relationship a while back, I guess we just forced each others hand.

Its not been a month, and I am crazy in love, but we aren't together, as much as I want that. We are taking things slow in terms of commitment and I am okay with that. I never thought I'd get this far. I only imagined we would go out on a works Christmas do or something and I might slide it in there how I feel, so the fact this all happened has been crazy.

Talking everyday, seeing each other often, and our first proper date coming up, and I am really living the dream.

But now, I haven't seen my eldest in months, and when I asked, she is 'too busy,' imagine if I said that.

Now I just get ignored often by both, and whilst I have had the month of my life, the bad is happening.

I'm now worrying its going to be 2 children I don't see, and that really would be karma for all the hurt I caused.

But at least I have you, my light in the dark times, you really really make me happy, and I have never felt like this before. Thank you for being there, and making me feel on top of the world.

Just to be shot back down by 2 people, ignoring, and making life difficult.

So is this karma, or is it bollocks.