#also trying not to add too much extra info in the tags like I normally do

[wish-i-had-robin-wings]

I’m fascinated about the oc stuff you mentioned! I only recently (within the last year) started creating oc’s so I’ve not really thought about creating images of them. I pretty much just save stock photos and photos of celebrities that resemble what I’m imagining, but that can be a pain. I’d love to hear more tips (as well as hearing about some of your oc’s if you’d like to share!)

A beloved mutual, hello!!

It's cool to hear that you're getting into oc stuff, making up little guys is so much fun! You'll have to tell me about yours sometime! I gotta admit though, saving stock and celebrity photos sounds like a hassle :/ I can't imagine what you'd do for a non-human oc…

If you're interested, I have a ton of picrew links I can share (and obviously I can give you ones with more specific aesthetics if you have something in mind, versus just dumping a truckload of random links on you).

I also really like using Heroforge (D&D Minifugre website) to make ocs (D&D related or not). They update pretty regularly so there's always better options (especially for non-human ocs) and colors for more specific customizations. It's especially cool because if you decide you really like it, you can buy your oc as a minifigure (but you can still use the site/save your oc even without buying anything)! I love free websites :3

Lately, I've been focusing on my batch of Minecraft ocs. I was supposed to join a big rp server, but that fell apart so now I'm just 'writing' it all myself. It's been really fun, and I like being able to build an intricate story and characters from a pre-set template that comes with making ocs within a pre-existing world/ruleset (It's just much easier on my busy brain for when I'm not working on my actual original writing or whatever XP). But because of this, I've also been making full Minecraft skins for those ocs. It's pretty much just pixel art, and I am nowhere near the levels of some of the proffesional skin-makers out there, but I've made some pretty cool stuff if I do say so myself!

TL;DR I am not good at art, but my imagination is very hyperactive, so having some of these online resources has helped a ton in just getting something out into the world. I am more than happy to share site links and answer any questions you have about navigating them if you wanna dm me! I'd also loove to talk about all my ocs more, but I know that can be a lot for a tumblr ask…especially if tumblr keeps eating them >:(

Thanks for messaging me, hope this helped some!

(Also, sorry for the weird formatting of this post tumblr is being dumb and I can't fix it for some reason...)

[alatismeni-theitsa]

I have no idea when you posted asking about the experiences of Greek diaspora / Greek heritage but I just saw it so I thought I’d send in my stuff.

I am so disconnected from it because my grandma didn’t want to pass the language into her children so she could have adult conversations they wouldn’t understand. And she didn’t pass on the culture because her husband was Jehovah’s Witness. And so I just feel an intense feeling of grief over a culture that I’m apart of but know very little about. I have some recipes my Yiayia made, a cookbook by women from the Greek Orthodox Church in NYC, and two lullaby’s. (We lived in the US with my great grandma so we had more interaction with Greek culture than our cousins who’s lived with my grandma in Ireland)

And there’s not much out that I’ve found where I’ve been able to learn about my culture and not felt like I’m intruding. Especially because I don’t “look Greek” like some of the other greek kids at my school. I look Irish. I don’t have a Greek name and I don’t speak any of the language. The only way I’ve found to connect is through food but I’m limited to the cookbook because if you look online it’s hard to find recipes that aren’t just trendy mediterranen inspired health food. My mum is starting to reluctantly tell me a little about my family from Greece. And my grandmas cousin and her family is very very greek. So if I fly down to see her she’ll teach me stuff (though she’s the matriarch of the family so she’s pretty intimidating). Anyway. That’s my experience with my my greek heritage.

I just sent the long-ass ask about Greek heritage but I forgot the bit where I was Greek enough to get bullied over Greek food. Yay. Dolmades are good though I don’t care if they “look little poop”

___________________[END OF ASK] __________________________

Hey and sorry for the delay 💙 I asked some time ago but that doesn't mean newer answers aren't welcome anytime!

Dear, I am grieving with you for the loss 😔 I can't say the reasons the language wasn't passed on seem very logical to me. There are things that didn't get passed on to me because my grandparents thought I would automatically know, or they didn't bother teaching, so I can relate to that feeling 😔

You are definitely NOT intruding! I can understand why it feels this way after what you told me, but it seems to me you have every right to know! Greek culture welcomes anyone from Cameroon to Japan, so, realistically, nothing should stop you from having access to it. Plus, it's your own family!

Oh damn, the "I don't look Greek" plague 😩 As everyone knows there's no specific qualifier of appearance for being part of Hellenismos. On this particular occasion, I'll go one step further and say that, unless you have raid hair, you probably look like a lot of Greeks.

There are Greeks whose appearance is rare for this ethnicity, but "looking Irish" is a thing that 1/4 (at least?) of Greek people relate to. One thing Greeks of diaspora often hear is that "they don't look Greek enough", aka they look "too white". Your surrounding Greeks might not look like you but if you go through my tag #Greek people, which has hundreds of videos, portraits, and photos of Greeks from all eras, you might realize you look like many Greeks.

There are Greeks whose appearance is rare for this ethnicity, but "looking Irish" is a thing that 1/4 (at least?) of Greek people relate to. One thing Greeks of diaspora often hear is that "they don't look Greek enough", aka they look "too white". Your surrounding Greeks might not look like you but if you go through my tag #Greek people, which has hundreds of videos, portraits, and photos of Greeks from all eras, you might realize you look like many Greeks.

Again, appearance doesn't matter in the slightest when it comes to culture, but I sensed your appearance issue was the flavor of "too white looking" and it's the most infuriating thing to me because many, many Greeks look "too white looking" for the standards foreigners have made for them!

Anyways, on to the food! I am so happy you are trying some of the recipes :D (And that you are doing everything to connect to your heritage if it brings you joy!) How dare they speak badly about dolmades??? 😭 Many countries close to Greece also have that dish and we must find them so we can have a dolmades alliaaaaanceee!

I'd also like to add, don't feel pressured to get too much into the culture if you don't want to. Many Greeks in Greece keep different types of distance from their tradition and that should also be your right. Again, do and learn whatever pleases you! Just keep in mind that you are valid in your current state without going the extra mile to learn every Greek thing possible.

People across the globe can have various degrees of Greek heritage and if that "amount" of heritage is "less" then it's okay and natural because it's what happens when people immigrate. The more generations pass, the more this old part is left behind. For example, many Greeks in Greece can also come from other backgrounds (Austrian, Egyptian, Slavic (various countries), etc) and they, too have many parts of their older heritages lost. They practice Greek customs almost exclusively now.

There's a cultural plane that shifts all the time in countries around the world and families assimilate to a new culture as they adapt to a new place. At this moment you are also part of a US regional culture and there is no shame in *also* identifying as part of it. That won't erase any Greek part of you.

The above doesn't aim to discourage you in any way on searching more about Greek culture! It's only a general disclaimer. People from inside a culture (usually in diaspora) tend to judge those who participate less, as if any person with X heritage is in a place to keep the same amount of touch with it 🙄

Sure, tradition is very important but nobody should be forced to practice it if they don't want to - or if they just can't. Tradition is people, and some traditions change or die naturally because many individuals from the inside wanted it to.

It's hard being caught in between - not "American enough" and not "Greek enough". The paradox is that you must first feel secure in this position. Granted, it's easier said than done but mentally it will save you the mindset of needing to be "more American" or "more Greek". As you understand, you don't need to feel apologetic to Americans for who you are, and you don't need to feel apologetic to Greeks in America or anywhere else for the exact same reason.

Some Greeks of diaspora feel distressed about their accents in Greek (or they don't want to admit they have an accent) or for not being perceived as Greeks automatically by other Greeks when they visit the country. But that's unavoidable because these differences exist and people raised in Greece can spot them. Therefore, people in the US whom you are afraid might feel superior to you for knowing more things about Greece, may come to Greece and feel like foreigners.

So they shouldn't make this a race beacuse it's not one they would normally "win" by their own standards. Chances are, after you learn anything you can, you will also have distance from what is considered the "default" Greek culture. It's part of the organic process of time + distance from the country, and Greeks with half a brain won't look down on you for that.

What I mean to say is that there is no certain bar an ordinary person can ever pass to be given any prize of the "ultimate Έλληνας". Not even Greeks in Greece know where that bar is when it comes to their own touch with tradition. There is no golden standard, no finishing line!

I encourage you to continue your journey on learning Greek things and while you are at it, know that objectively you have nothing to prove to anyone, even though you might feel otherwise. I say, fly to your grandma's cousin and let her teach you stuff!

You know that the intimidating demeanor Greek aunties and grandmas have doesn't necessarily reflect their love for you. You might also know that older Greeks are more reserved in showing appreciation. And in the hypothetical scenario where they don't really like you that much, they are still bound to you because you are family, so feel free to use their expertise 👀 If they don't give their knowledge to their family, whom are they going to give it to?? The neighbor??

If they throw any shade at you for now knowing enough take a deeeeeep breath, remember this isn't a race, and continue learning from them. (And you will feel the Greek experience of not deemed worthy enough by your relatives 😂 It's a win win!) If you haven't, check the poem Ithaca by K.P. Kavafy! I think it applies to this situation in a way!

You can always come here and browse thousands of posts about Greece! (In the Desktop version the most important show up on the left of the main page). I have #modern Greece #Greek custom #Greek tradition #Greek dance #Greek cuisine #Greek literature and whatever else your heart desires!

If you want to slowly learn Greek, Greekpod 101 and Easy Greek channels on YouTube have great content! I also have my tag #learn Greek on this blog with sources and explanations. (#Greek language and #Greek word can also be useful!) They are all accessible to English speakers!

You now have a distant Greek auntie who is at your disposal for any type of question (even the "stupid" questions)! Literally, ask me anything and I will try to answer it or find more info for you! You can DM me if you don't want to leave an ask. You are not intruding and it's my pleasure to help!

[pateldevs]

Hi! I hope I'm not bothering you, but I love your mood board edits and was wondering if you could explain how you go about making/colouring them? I see lots of places to find gifs but turning them into a set is so hard. Thank you in advance!

hi! first of all thank you so much and second of all it’s not a bother at all! i am happy to give some of my own tips even if my explanation probably isn’t super helpful. i won’t give like a ps tutorial but below the cut (since i included example gifs, it’s VERY long) is my process for my latest jily aesthetic:

i keep track of all my ideas/sets in a spreadsheet (which i won’t show bc there’s a lot of info i’d have to blur/black out) but i always have a list of what scenes i need to gif/what gifs i’m editing and where i’m getting them from. i also include a couple extra ideas in case the gifs i have planned end up being too hard to color or don’t fit in the set. i’ve found it’s best/easiest to start w the list bc there is literally nothing worse than spending hours on a set and then not being able to complete it.

as for actually finding the material, i have a pretty healthy number of scene packs saved in my giffing folder, esp. for things i know i will gif frequently. most of the time i will peruse youtube, vimeo, and instagram for any aesthetic scenes. i also have a lot of gif packs saved specifically for the purpose of making mbs (usually i mix my own gifs w gif packs), if you msg me i’m happy to direct you to some gif packs i use regularly or you can check my #resources tag. a couple tips for finding material: 

always opt for download when possible, i used to screen record and the difference when i switched to downloading was astronomical. (it’s easy to lose quality and esp if you’re on mac, quicktime duplicates frames so either you have to manually delete those extras or you get sort of choppy gifs when you load them into ps.)

always use 1080p or better, 720p will work in a pinch for 268px or 177px gifs since you can make up some of that resolution loss with sharpening, but don’t go any lower than that, just love yourself. 

for pale sets, look for the right colors. i tend to look for scenes w high color contrast especially if it features poc so it’s easier to color without whitewashing, ie if the subject is a person then i look for light colored or blue/green/violet/white backgrounds. it’ll make your life wayyyyy easier. this also means if you’re making a set try to find scenes with already similar lighting bc you won’t have to work so hard to make it look cohesive.

here’s a quick rundown of what i do before coloring:

import all frames and save all the files in a folder together!!

play around with frame delay so all the gifs are moving at about the same speed, usually keep it between 0.03-0.05s

crop and resize gifs (i use 268x145 most of the time)

convert to timeline

when it comes to coloring it can be really hit or miss, i’ve recently gotten back into my groove but i was having sooo much trouble earlier this year. in general, don’t stress yourself out!! sometimes it’s easier to just find a new scene/gif (hence my list of extras!) than to try too hard to fit a gif into your set. i color all my gifs by scratch (ie no psds) but i tend to follow the same pattern, i’ll explain using these gifs/psd as an example since then i can also explain how to fix white-washing:

first off when you’re coloring gifs with poc always always always make a layer mask so you can compare the edited and unedited skin tones directly! i use the marquee tool to make a selection in the middle of the character’s face, select the folder of my adjustment layers, and hit ‘add vector mask’ (the third button from the left on the layers panel, it’s a white rectangle with a circle in it). 

i almost always begin by using hue/saturation layers to highlight and delete certain colors. here i highlighted red and raised the lightness on yellow by a lot since it’s a very yellow scene. then i use a combination of brightness/contrast, levels, and curves layers to brighten the scene. here’s what i have now:

i add a gradient map set to black/white, change the blending to exclusion, and lower the opacity to between 5-10% (depending on the scene) to lighten the contrast further:

then i add back a little depth with selective color in neutrals and blacks:

now i have two main goals: 1. add contrast between the background and the subject, and 2. brighten the scene into a pale gif. to do this, i use color balance to tweak the color of the background, taking out the yellows. this step works best if there’s at least some shade difference between your subject and background, otherwise isolating the two will be impossible. here’s what i have after adding color balance:

i use hue/saturation to selectively highlight the background color. in this case i chose to adjust magenta and used the color picker (the first eyedropper on the left) to identify the exact shade i wanted to lighten. now i have a fairly neutral background and a colorful subject, which gives a sort of pale effect:

and now i use a curves layer and a selective color (white) layer to brighten further:

before i go further, i start fixing white-washing. keep in mind that some variance is normal since you are naturally changing the lighting of the scene; this gif shows it rlly clearly bc of how yellow and dim the lighting is, so some lightening is to be expected. however, both because the vector mask shows a lot of whitening and because i’ve giffed dev patel before and have a general idea of what he looks like in this type of lighting, i know what needs to be fixed, so i go back in under the psd/adjustment layers with a combination of selective color (red and neutral) and hue/saturation layers to darken his skin again:

now that some more contrast has been added in, i can go back to working on the psd and use curves and selective color to play around with the background again:

i use another hue/saturation layer and a black/white gradient to tone down oversaturation:

usually i leave those layers on top, so if i want to make any adjustments (like lightening the background more), i go in under those two. in this case i tweaked the whites and reduced the contrast a little to get this:

again, you can see his skin tone has changed from the original, but variation is to be expected given how much brighter the room is, the fact that i took out a lot of yellow lighting, and the brightening effect of the computer screen in front of him. some other things to keep in mind when coloring:

when you add layers to correct white-washing, you’re likely to end up with overly red/orange skin tones (red-washing). this can be fixed by upping cyans in the reds, desaturating/darkening the reds, or adding b/w or desaturation later on.

when in doubt, it’s better to be darker than lighter (the issue with white-washing is that it promotes colorism, and there is nothing inherently wrong with a darker skin tone) but really. just put in the effort to color poc correctly.

when changing the lighting a lot it helps to look at pictures of the subject in natural/bright lighting, since you get a better idea of what their normal skin tone is. 

don’t try to squeeze all your selective color layers into one. you’ll get less grainy gifs if you separate them out and work one by one. 

TURN OFF NIGHT SHIFT/NIGHT MODE! yes i KNOW it’s bad for your eyes (especially if you’re like me and gif at night, when the lighting outside isn’t changing every 20 seconds) but your gifs will look VERY different under f.lux or night mode compared to daytime screens. especially if you’re giffing at different times of day, blue light filters can really change the way your coloring appears. best to keep it consistent.

my sharpening settings vary depending on what i’m giffing but in general i do two layers of smart sharpen (500% with radius between 0.2-0.4, 10% with radius at 10px) and then gaussian blur at 2.5px and adjust the opacity so it’s somewhere between 15-20%. i try to strike a balance between smoothing out the graininess from selective color, and sharpening details like clothes and hair. here’s what i ended up with for the gif above:

then i rinse and repeat for the rest of the gifs in the set! i tend to start with the gifs that i know will be hardest to color, which is usually the darker ones (coloring is limited by how much i can brighten the scene) and those that include poc (again, limited by how much i can brighten and adjust the scene’s lighting without white-washing). then i check set cohesion as i go, using those first few gifs as benchmarks. once i have all 8 (or 9 or 10) gifs, i play around with composition and try to balance and vary the subject, colors, and composition of gifs next to each other. i go back and make a couple of adjustments here and there according to what i observe and what i think might improve the overall appearance.

and that’s pretty much it! i hope this was helpful, if you have other questions feel free to message me and i’d be happy to help/troubleshoot. happy giffing!

[anxietysroomsupport]

Hypermobile anon here. First, thank you so much. It's just nice to know there's someone here for me. And to give a little more info, I have a serious problem where if I'm not currently in pain. I don't remember how bad it was. I know everybody does this, but my brain literally checked out as I was going to bed recently and I fell on the floor. I nearly forgot to tell my physical therapist.about it because it didn't really hurt. So, I can't do the pain scale very well, and I never remember (1/2)

(2/2) It just makes it sort of hard for pain relief when I don't know I'm going to need it and don't have the energy when I do. Also, on the vitamin subject, I know that I've had vitamin d issues before (bad heat exhaustion and allergy scares = going outside less), bad enough that I was close to being diagnosed with hypothyroidism. I'm not sure about the others, but I do know I'm not amazing healthy, so? I take calcium pills for the vitamin d, though. Again, thank you guys for all your help.

.

We just got a bill from my PT place that says we owe money that we can't pay. They told us up front how much it would be with our insurance, and my mom's been paying each time, but it says we owe 177 dollars. Sure, it's not a lot, but we're not rich and trying to send a sibling to college. If we can't get this sorted out. I can't just not go. 10 exercises I can do at home and 5 appointments is not enough to help a chronic disorder. I cant focus and I have practice in 30 mins. -Hypermobility anon

Same day but later when I'm feeling a little better (my director was very supportive though so that's nice), I'd seen the letter and heard my parents talking a bit, but my mom told be as we got to school for rehearsal about PT. I got upset, and I felt bad because I could tell she felt bad because she didn't expect me to be upset, and in the heat of the moment I said "chronic illness" in front of my mom for the first time. She loudly (not quite yelling) (1/?) - Hypermobility anon

said to me "That is the most self-pitying thing I've ever heard. Chronic illnesses are like cancer". Sure, I probably should've said disorder and not illness, but I'm scientifically right. Then I said "It is, it's chronic pain, I am always in pain" and she said "Well then clearly PT isn't helping anyway" - I??? When I went in after 15 minutes after another girl, since we were both there for an hour and a half, I decided to stop trying too much to hide my crying (useful masks) (2/?) -HSD anon

since the other girl was in the hall to eat, and when I managed to explain to the director, she was understanding and nice, and when I said chronic, she said that I should never have to live with that, especially at my age. And when I mentioned not being able to sing at that moment from my crying, she pointed out how I was singing an empowering song that was about standing against the bad stuff in life, and I was perfect for it. I know my mom was just mad, but it just drained me.

Sorry I keep sending asks so often, I just feel like telling someone this. I decided to put 'zebra' in my bio. It's a thing that people with EDS and HSD sometimes like to call themselves. I like it, so even though I just have my name and pronouns, plus a random joke, in my bio, I added it. It just feels like a step in the right direction to remembering that I don't need google to tell me I'm dealing with this every 5 minutes. Accepting it, I guess. :) -HSD anon

.

My sleep schedule just keeps getting worse and I think it's my ADHD combined busy days and pain but I just never want to sleep anymore. I can't, I don't want to, and it hurts physically and mentally to just lie there and see if I can fall asleep. 80% sure my circadian rhythm changed to sleep at about 2 am but I get up at 7 and have a chronic disorder that's getting worse because of this I *need sleep*. And I'm so scared I'll mess up, want to make a side blog for it but want to make one (1/2)

for something happy first because I always figured that if I had side blogs they would be ask blogs or for fandoms or whatever. But I got a little better at not caring what other people think, so I haven't really needed one for fandom. But I looked through the tag and felt so comforted by some of the stuff that I just think it would help me. Maybe I'm just extra bad tonight because I went outside but also talked about it a fair amount with a friend I hadn't seen recently who didn't know. -HSD

.

I wanna talk to my physical therapist about hip braces because I tried a knee one we have and it honestly helps, but my hips are worst so I wanna see if it would help, but they're pretty expensive. It's hard to find dual hip braces, from what I've seen in my research, and even though one more than the other, both cause me issues. Idk, I'm conflicted, because it could help but is it worth all the effort? Also, even if it's under clothing it's still physical evidence (1/2) -HSD anon

(2/2) of my "invisible" disorder. Also, stopping exercises for a few days because of not feeling well from my covid shot reminded me of just how much time I spend on them, so it's another thing to deal with this. . . Idk, sometimes I just wonder if it would be better to just deal with it. I still have pain anyway, though it might be a little better. Less often, maybe? I don't really remember. It's not stressing at the front of my mind all the time, but the back of it. I'm just conflicted. -HSD

.

HSD anon here, idk if I mentioned it in an ask already, but recently I had a small breakdown because I was watching something where a character was in a car accident, as was trying to push through having trouble walking even with a hip brace. After a minute, I registered it and just thought "That could be my future". My joints had already been acting up and then they got worse, so I don't know if it was cause and effect? But I don't exactly know what to call it other than a trigger. (1/2)

Physical and emotional effect, at least I'm assuming on physical because I've had a bad reaction to something similar before, but like, I don't have trauma, I think it's more fear of the future. And I don't want to use trigger incorrectly, it's insensitive to those who actually have triggers. I'm just so confused.

Forgot to sign the last ask with 2/2 and HSD, whoops.

.

Hfnsiwk I'm not ready to walk into PT tomorrow and say that I don't think months of PT have been helping but I have no way to be completely sure because for all I know it's the weather since this is the first year I've known/it's been noticeable. Maybe it's just change, I don't know, but it just feels like such a waste of time if it really didn't help. Plus, I'd stop, and while that'd be great, I do enjoy being stronger, even if it didn't help pain. I have 12 hours and a bad pain day idek. -HSD

.

Hi Hypermobility Anon,

I think I found all your asks and got them in the correct order.  And found your last ask!

I’m so glad you kept writing in.  I think you should go ahead and make your side blog - you definitely have enough material for it.  Wanting to make a happy side blog also is a great goal to have, but if you don’t know what it will be yet, don’t let that prevent you from doing something you know you want to do and that will probably help you.  

You are dealing with So. Much.  Your mom especially sounds like she just is not ready to accept the situation.  It’s not self-pity to state your actual conditions.  It’s just reality.  

Forgetting about pain is normal, and really all you can do is try to write it down or make some kind of note about it in the moment or immediately after, so you can refer to it later.  Maybe you can track your pain events in your phone notes.

I think your idea to add “zebra” to your bio is a good one, this is part of your life and just something you have to deal with.  It sounds like you’re finding a community for this.  

Sleep schedules are tricky, and feeling like you desperately need to sleep can make it so stressful that it starts a vicious little cycle.  Some strategies to get around this are First, remember that just resting is okay and helpful too, even if you don’t fall asleep.  Letting your body lay there to rest is good for you.  

Second, if you’ve spent several minutes laying down without falling asleep, its okay to get up and walk around, or any small light exercise that’s comfortable for you.  The goal with this one is to get out of the bed for a bit.  It will help your brain to re-learn that the bed is for sleeping only, not for laying awake.  That association can help signal to your brain to start its sleep-process when you get into bed at night.

Third, it’s really common to have a changing circadian rhythm during your teens and twenties.  That’s just a thing that happens and you can’t do much about it, so just try not to worry too much.  Sleep when it feels right and when you can, instead of trying to force yourself to sleep when you’re “supposed” to.  

If hip braces would help you, you should definitely at least mention it to your physical therapist.  You might research online for any used ones as well.  A physical sign that you have pain can have good and bad consequences, but I think the good consequence of being in less pain far outweighs any others.

The triggering event you described is not so much a trigger as it is just a genuinely really upsetting situation.  You related really strongly to the character you were watching, because they’re dealing with similar problems to you, and to problems you could have in the future.  It’s a lot to process.  But while you could potentially be in a car accident, remember that television is made to dramatize events and probably made it seem a lot more difficult and scary than it really would be.   

Since we know you sometimes forget your pain, it’s safe to say that the exercises are helping you manage it, and you say that they’ve made you stronger in general.  Those are good things, and I would recommend you continue the exercises you can do on your own even if you end of ending  your physical therapy sessions.  We don’t know yet if your pain might have gotten even worse without therapy.  You’ll have to find that out on your own if you stop exercising, and then decide whether it’s more worth it to you to continue exercising or to live with the pain.  Whichever you choose, it’s Your choice, Your body.  Take care of yourself. <3

-bun

[itsclydebitches]

Welcome back, everyone!

A quick note before we begin: after the previous recap a couple of lovely friends and anons explained to me some discrepancies in my work, mainly about how Fox's semblance functions and how much info we’ve gotten on that previously. They're worth a read if (like me) you haven't read After the Fall and would like a more accurate picture of this whole project. However, I have to admit that sadly past!me didn’t think through the usefulness of those posts and tag them appropriately... so they’re just somewhere in the mess that is the “rwby” and “mymetas” tags. Still, I wanted to acknowledge their existence, both for your potential use and as another disclaimer along the lines of, “I’m reading what amounts to a sequel and recapping as I go. Prepare for a bumpy ride.” 

We're on chapter five now (of twenty-two! Holy god I’m slow!!) and truth be told I actually enjoyed this opening. We're in Yatsuhashi's head this time around and he's likewise enjoying Vacuo's Meeting Spot, an "artificial oasis" that reminds him of his mother's healing gardens. I wonder what "healing" means in this particular context. A generalized benefit to your body, mind, and spirit in the form of meditation? Or a more literal, magic-based healing with its roots in aura use? In a world with RWBY's possibilities, a healing garden that someone like Ozpin might run—let's take time to settle ourselves and reflect—vs. one that someone like Jaune would create—let me use my semblance to literally heal your wounds—are rather different things. I'd be interested to know which category (or another) Yatsuhashi's mother falls under.

Regardless, it's a satisfyingly quiet scene. Yatsuhashi comments on both the beauty of the oasis as well as how that beauty, in turn, raises the desert in his eyes. Nothing like not having to deal with a hard landscape to make that landscape seem more bearable, alluring even, and this moment managed to capture that feeling rather well. The only downside is that, in a recurring theme, I once again got whiplash upon realizing that Yatsuhashi is not standing alone in the peace of the early morning, like the description had led me to believe. Apparently Velvet is there. As well as the whole freaking student body! Myers* has this strange habit of writing one kind of scene only to suddenly reveal that the scene is actually radically different from what his writing had encouraged you to imagine. Yatsuhashi is going on about healing, natural beauty, and the peace of an early morning. What's peaceful about dozens of students speculating beside him? Have you ever met a school of sleep deprived young adults dealing with a surprise announcement before breakfast? That’s as far from peaceful as humanly possible. 

Mood, kid. 

(*Also yes, we're working to write Myers' name correctly this chapter. If I'm going to drag his work so much the least I can do is not add an additional 'e' to his name lol.)

Along with the entirety of Shade Academy to break the peace, Yatsuhashi tells us about dromedons and mole crabs. The former, according to the wiki, is a "camel-like Grimm that can spit acidic venom" and also sports an armored hump. Fun! The latter, according to Yatsuhashi, is a "horrifying" creature that "slept just below the sand and could cut a person in two with their massive claws." And they're the normal, non-grimm animals! Screw Salem. Humanity needs huntsmen just to keep people safe from the everyday wildlife. Crabs cut people in two, Zwei is capable of being set on fire and launched at a mech... it's a miracle that anyone ever steps outside their home. 

I do write this with full knowledge that Australia exists, but still.

As Yatsuhashi moves away from thoughts of killer crabs, we begin what is easily the strangest bit of repetition this chapter. Yatsuhashi's shoulder is sore from having tried to break down the hideout door and I'm going, "Wait no, you used your sword” and frantically flipping back through my PDF. To Myers' credit, there is a detail that suggests Yatsuhashi uh... rammed the door? I think? Last chapter he "Stepped forward and Fox heard him grunt with exertion." That's the only thing I can think of that would explain his shoulder unexpectedly being sore hours later: if he'd charged it instead of doing something insane like, oh, I don't know, trying the doorknob first. Odd choice of continuity, but okay. What's super weird though is that Myers repeats the detail again:

Yatsuhashi crossed his arms, then grimaced as a fresh pain shot through his shoulder. Come on, Aura, he thought. Do your thing.

I'm sorry, how badly did you hurt your shoulder? Why does a supposedly intelligent student immediately resort to what is apparently somewhat serious self-harm when faced with a closed door? Why is Myers choosing this of all things to tell us about? Is this incredibly random shoulder injury going to hinder Yatsuhashi during the test? Spoilers: I don't think it does considering that I searched for "shoulder" in my PDF and there's just a lot of hands on shoulders coming up, but nothing that, at first glance, seems to make this kind of set up necessary. So I say again: weird.

Meanwhile, weirdness doesn’t even acknowledge the continued inconsistencies with aura. Jaune heals a cut on his cheek instantaneously, but hours later Yatsuhashi needs to gripe at his aura to hop-to already? So either Jaune’s aura is far more powerful than the average person’s (never established outside of Pyrrha’s “You have a lot of it” comment), or Yatsuhashi really hurt his shoulder that badly. Hard enough that with the rest of the night and early morning to heal him, his aura is still working overtime. 

Alrighty then. 

So the whole student body is just kind of hanging out, striking up casual conversations. Velvet asks how Yatsuhashi is doing and he says he's fine, "Thanks to you." Wait... what did Velvet do? I mean yeah, she was there last night and she's here now, but so is the rest of the team. I don't really recall her helping Yatsuhashi in any specific way. As is the norm now, I remain mildly, endlessly confused by this novel.

But we don’t have time to delve into the gratitude attached to events I’m not actually sure happened. There’s more chit chat going on as everyone tries to figure out why they've been summoned so early in the morning. "It's not always about us," Velvet says and I nod along in agreement even though I know, as a reader, that it's absolutely about them. "As I'm often reminding Coco."

Coco fires back with how it "could be about us," noting that it would be pretty coincidental if something else was going on right now, plus Rumpole may have realized they were out last night. (Remember, Yatsuhashi wasn't subtle about trying to break down that door). This is one of those moments where I agree wholeheartedly with Coco's logic, but kind of hate to encourage the 'It's all about us' attitude. Velvet might be smiling, but as previously established this is an ongoing theme within RWBY's characterization that it could really stand to do without.

Yatsuhashi then offers some "unsolicited advice" about how Rumpole could afford to slow down some and "let things come at their own pace," to which I respond, "Huh?" Where in the world did this come from? Previously the whole group—including Yatsuhashi, considering he didn't speak out against it—was concerned that Rumpole wasn't doing enough to track down the Crown. That is, do more, move faster, get it done already. You haven’t gotten it done? Okay, we’ll do it instead. Now he's providing this subtle criticism in response to a meeting, as if that's an inherently odd or bad thing for a headmistress to do. You want the woman to do extra work faster but slow down when it comes to her actual job? 

It reads to me like Myers is trying to put a lot of wise-sounding dialogue into Yatsuhashi's mouth—you know, the Asian character who keeps bringing up things like meditation and mindfulness—but hasn't bothered to think about whether that dialogue makes any sense. Of course, we then immediately backtrack to reveal that his comment was really about Coco not pushing the team too hard, but... that's not what he said? And Coco clearly didn't get the message. And the hidden meaning of the words didn't come across too well if your reader is squinting at what was said until the author has to straight up go, 'This is what Yatsuhashi actually meant.' Maybe just... have him say that? Give us some significant looks towards Coco, at the very least. Something to clue us in here that Yatsuhashi is (weirdly) blaming Rumpole for Coco's flaw.

Then he just ruins the whole scene further by mentally commenting that if all this extra work was hard on them, "what would it do to SSSN?" Ugh, look. I don't even like SSSN very much. I didn't shed a tear when they left the main series and would shrug if they ever came back, so you know the story is ragging on them too much when I'm standing up for the group at the bottom of my Character Adoration list. The duality of 'SSSN is so incompetent I don't even know how they're alive' and 'That, in comparison, makes us the best team ever' got old forty pages ago, yet I have the distinct feeling it won't be letting up any time soon.

Headmaster Theodore finally arrives to break up this thrilling conversation and the students erupt into thunderous applause. "It was what [he] expected. It was what he inspired whenever he appeared." That... is absolutely hilarious. This guy is so much of a showman, so insanely over the top, that he expects people to treat his everyday appearance as a spectacle worthy of praise and they agree. You know who he reminds me of?

The king himself, Alex Louis Armstrong. I'm digging this already. It's absurd and I will forever question RWBY's ability to balance comedy with its darker tones... but I'm counting this one as a win so far. There's got to be something to praise about this book.

Just as important, we get a description of Theodore's positively insane outfit. I immediately googled to see if someone had drawn him and the fandom did not disappoint. I'm not going to include the image here in case the artist, Edisu, doesn't want their work reposted like that, but I highly recommend you check out the link and get a visual.

The only thing left to say about this fashion monstrosity is that he has a "flowing gray-blue cape, the color of a stormy sky." I'll let our favorite textile engineer make my point for me:

Honestly, between Ruby's cape and Weiss' hair someone is going to end up in trouble one of these days.

In this world free of horrific cape tragedies, we've segued into a flashback which is, frankly, kind of boring compared to the others we’ve gotten. It's just the group meeting Theodore, information and characterization that could have easily been distributed to the audience in the present. It's starting to feel like the structure of including a flashback each chapter is hindering Myers somewhat, just because every chapter doesn’t necessarily need one, but that’s far from the biggest issue to tackle. 

We learn that Theodore (really Rumpole) did a bunch of research on all the students involved in the Vytal Festival and they're very pleased that Team CFVY has joined them now, despite the horrific circumstances. We again hear about how judgmental Coco can be, that her judgements are rarely wrong... but if they are wrong she's the last to admit it. So really that's less of a 'This character has good instincts about other people' and more 'This character is just, as said, judgmental and then stubborn about it when she’s wrong.' Theodore, however, seems like a cool dude:

“Ah, she speaks!” Theodore strode toward Velvet. His voice softened. “You didn’t fail, my dear. You fought. You stayed, far longer than anyone would have asked or expected of a student. And now you’re here. Do you want to be here? Will you fight for Shade the way you did for Beacon, Velvet Scarlatina?”

This is great. This is the kind of reassurance I would expect from a headmaster who, thus far, has received a fair amount of praise. Unlike his students, Theodore understands the risks Beacon students took and when it was time for them to make a life-saving retreat. He's inspiring while also being empathetic and honestly? That's the most I've had that 'You're a good person' sense from RWBY in a very long time.

Now watch Theodore turn out to be evil lol.

He cuts the tension of the serious conversation by proclaiming that if any of them doubt whether they should be here, they should take it up with him via a fight. Theodore announces this while striking a pose. I say again:

We then get some more reflection on how Theodore compares to Ozpin: 

Ozpin had believed in you before you did, almost like he knew your true potential, despite what your transcripts or fighting abilities looked like. Theodore believed you had potential, but you had to earn it and prove yourself to him first.

I agree with that and I'm pleased to see that this time the comparison didn't involve criticizing Ozpin in an effort to build Theodore up. It’s likewise a useful description and I think it provides us with at least one interpretation of why the RWBYJNR group has discarded Ozpin so thoroughly. The addition "despite what your transcripts or fighting abilities looked like" implies that Ozpin sees potential in everyone. It doesn't matter how presumably flawed you might be—in physical strength, like Jaune; in morals, like Lionheart— Ozpin will see the good in you and give that good a fighting chance. That's why he's the one tasked with doing something as crazy as uniting the whole world because he's the one person capable of seeing that potential in literally everyone. That much is true. But the flipside of this is that, unlike when in interacting with someone like Theodore, no one expects to have to work for Ozpin's faith, his praise... his trust. With Theodore you have to "earn" the respect he gives you right from the start. With Ozpin it's free! So surely that means such faith extends to every possible situation, right? 

Which is when you run into trouble. When the situation is no longer "I'll give you a chance in my school" but something much more serious like "I'm risking the whole world on your character." Ozpin is an optimist, but he's also cautious as hell (with good reason), so though he sees the potential in everyone he knows he can't let his own hope for humanity blind him to reality. That person might betray you. They might turn on you. They might give up and hurt you in the process... even if you want to believe that people are simply better than that. Wanting doesn’t make it so. 

If someone who had as little interaction with Ozpin as Team CFVY did nevertheless developed such a strong sense of, "Yeah, he believes in everyone!" then it seems likely that Team RWBY, already sporting a special connection with him, thought they were shoe-ins for every possible secret and task they might ask of him. Their time at Beacon was defined largely by both intentional favoritism and coincidences that could arguably be read as such. Ruby gets to go to Beacon two years early. She gets to be team leader. The sisters stay together despite teams supposedly being random. Team RWBY goes on missions not meant for first years. Team RWBY is given a nudge-nudge-wink-wink about The White Fang so that they can do what they’re able to help. Team RWBY was friends with Pyrrha, next in line for the Maiden powers. They got used to Ozpin simultaneously solving all the real problems that showed up and letting them play at being important, all while the rest of the school had to follow normal rules. They’re special. But then Beacon falls, the game is over, and they're blindsided by having to earn trust and privileges in the real world. Playing at huntresses in the safety of your headmaster’s school is over and Ruby in particular never got that there was a massive difference between that and a real war where the fate of the world hangs on your trustworthiness and ability to keep it together. It’s why she announces to the Argus guards that she is a huntress while attacking the people she’s meant to protect. 

Which would be a fantastic arc to give them if the show ever had someone sit the group down and tell them how childish and selfish they're being. Instead, they're still being handed that trust and privilege—you can go into Atlas despite stealing from the military, you get your licenses years early, you get to carry an incalculably valuable relic around—while likewise still getting mad that the adults around them don't give them more. This comparison here, though realistically just a throwaway passage in a novel rather iffily connected to its original series, starts to highlight the excellent situation RT set up... and then didn't do anything with.

But I've gone on about this long enough. There are just two other things I'd like to point out about this flashback. The first is that it may help us get a handle on Ozpin's age (if we're willing to accept these books as canon, despite their other inconsistencies). Earlier we're told that "Headmaster Theodore’s whole style should have been ridiculous for a man likely in his forties, maybe older" and here, in describing their different approaches, we get "Headmaster Ozpin, who had been younger but seemed much older." So that could potentially put Ozpin his his late 30s if he's noticeably younger than Theodore in his 40s. Or, in his 40s if the "maybe older" part is right and Theodore is in his 50s. I can’t imagine that Theodore is in his 60s. Not much to go on, admittedly, but I'll take whatever I can get. The interesting thing is that if Ozpin really is that young and Qrow is now (presumably) in his early 40s, wouldn't that have made them basically the same age during his Beacon days? Perhaps even giving us an Ozpin who was younger than his oldest students? I don't know. It's really less of a definitive piece of information and more messy speculation to add to the pile—which is par the course for RWBY nowadays. 

The second detail I wanted to point out was that despite all their supposed differences, Headmaster Theodore and Professor Rumpole have a very Ozpin-Glynda relationship going on. For all the cosmetic changes it boils down to the same dynamic. Both headmasters are powerful, quirky men who at first glance appear to be rather useless at their jobs, requiring the confident headmistress to swoop in and manage the daily running of a school. Those two do the heavy lifting while their bosses work wonders from behind the scenes (a la The Wizard). When I read Rumpole chastising Theodore for claiming he investigated the students, or when she reminds him that there isn't time to have an impromptu duel with his students, I couldn't help but think about Glynda reluctantly letting Ozpin invite Ruby to Beacon early, or cleaning up the cafeteria while he shrugs off the mess. To be clear, I don't necessarily mean this as a criticism, just an observation. In truth I'm not sure how I feel about it, but it adds to the overall sense that Shade is just Beacon with a slightly different coat of paint. As I've mentioned previously, for all the text's insistence that Shade isn't like the other schools, the story hasn't done a good job of demonstrating that cultural difference in any meaningful way and similarities like this only add to the feeling that this isn't really a unique Kingdom—or at least not one with a firm enough identity to be persuasively unique. Same rule breaking team sneaking out on their own mission. Same secondary team who’s talented, but not as special as the protagonists. Same strange man with his responsible woman running the school. The details differ, obviously, but the structure feels largely the same. 

As mentioned above, once the flashback ends Theodore tries to spar with one of the students but is quickly shut down by Rumpole because, you know, they have a meeting to hold. Apparently there have been complaints lately from the local security about Shade students interfering with official huntsmen business.

“I told you it was about us,” Coco muttered.

Coco, when you hear that people are pissed that you, an unlicensed student, are disrupting the careers of professionals every night the takeaway should not be, 'Aha! I knew it was all about me.'

Yatsuhashi at least provides a more nuanced perspective. "This wasn’t right, though. If they hadn’t interfered, those Huntsmen would have kidnapped an innocent person." He's right. They did help someone, but what they've failed to learn is that an individual good deed does not excuse the unlawful steps they took in getting there. If Team CFVY had just been out on the town and happened to spot some shady characters pulling shit, then put a stop to their kidnapping, that's fine. That's heroic. What is not heroic is them going out with the express purpose of fixing a situation that trained professionals told them they should not be trying to fix—key word being “trying,” given that they all understand Rumpole’s worry that they’ll make things worse. It was enough to send them back home last night... after Yatsuhashi failed to break into the hideout. The problem is not the "I helped someone who needed it" part but rather the "I'm arrogant enough to think that my presence is necessary" bit. 

If having students conducting investigations was wanted or necessary, it would be a part of the curriculum: acknowledged or otherwise. AKA yes, Ruby. It would be very helpful if you'd head on off to Mountain Glenn, under the observation of a seasoned huntsmen, and report back if there's any dubious activity going on over there. Ozpin said, 'Yes please' to the extra (highly controlled) help while these professionals are saying, 'No thanks.' The fact that Team CFVY acts is if they're justified in continuing this investigation—and worse, that the story keeps validating those feelings—undermines their otherwise heroic actions. RWBY really is a series that struggles with giving its protagonists compelling reasons for getting involved in the fight. ‘Because I want to help’ might be a noble motivation, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you should. The Mountain Glenn mission was like a chef allowing a talented, aspiring teen to help them with a dish, all of it done under their tutelage. Team CFVY’s investigation is like the teen sneaking into the kitchen after dark to doctor all the prep for the next day’s cooking under the assumption that they’ll make it even better. Hell, maybe they will! But that’s not the point. Your help was not invited — explicitly denied, actually —and there’s a very good chance you’ll mess something up.

So because this group of eight continually insists that they know best, the whole school is required to stay on campus after nightfall. Huzzah! 

It’s just too bad these consequences hurt others just as much as Team CFVY. The other students are pissed about this. I would be too! Team CFVY remains adamant though that they did the right thing, no guilt here, relying on the reader inaccurately comparing ‘saving lives’ with ‘losing free time off campus’ in order to come out on Team CFVY's side. They still fail to understand that helping people is not the reason they’re being punished. 

Theodore and Rumpole reiterate that they are working on a solution and that no one else should be getting involved. Team CVFY is no more persuaded by this speech than they were the previous ones. The announcement then segues into discussion of the former Haven students which produces... boos from the audience?? My god, what is wrong with this school? I mean I get it, school is brutal—both in real life and fiction—especially when the social dynamics of your school are written much more like a high school than a college, but usually if characters are going to drag new students it's in the semi-privacy of a bathroom or an empty hall. Groaning over the existence of war survivors in front of your headmaster is a level of confident cruelty I didn't expect.

Then again, RWBY is the show that gave us Cardin pulling on Velvet's ears in the middle of the cafeteria, so perhaps I shouldn't be surprised.

Theodore quickly bypasses the whole 'A decent number of my students hate these other students' issue and instead acknowledges that it is "difficult to adjust to a new school, an entirely new group of classmates, and most of all to life in Vacuo. Yet some of you have been separated from your original training teams.” Which is a nice way of saying that a good number of these teammates are dead. So what's the solution here?

Reinitiation Ceremony!

I'm sarcastic, but in all honesty I don't hate this idea. Far from it. Partly because I have a strong love of competitions in shonen-esque stories. Tests, trials, the obligatory tournament arc... they've always been some of my favorite parts of a series, largely because they allow the author to develop whacky and creative challenges that show off important characterization. See: Killua using a skateboard during the tunnel run before deciding that if Gon can manage running it, he can too; or Izuku using the mines and a piece of scrap to blast himself ahead of Bakugo and Todoroki. The structure of such tests forces characters to demonstrate creativity and critical thinking skills alongside strength, and that in turn reminds us of why they're our heroes. RWBY managed this a little bit with the Vytal Festival, but overall I don’t think the teams did anything particularly impressive to win. Team RWBY worked together, Nora hit people really hard with her hammer, Weiss' injury pissed off Yang enough to tap into more power... it was all stuff we had seen before and very little of it required planning or creativity. The Vytal Festival functioned more to set up the plot developments of Volume 3, which is fine, though for a while I had hoped that we would get a huntsmen license exam to do this sort of work... which obviously didn’t happen. Disappointing, but we’re at least getting something like that here. 

So I love the concept. I even love the general reasoning behind holding the ceremony at all. Anyone who had spent five minutes on this blog knows that I think the groups need to learn to play well with others. Yet I also can't deny that the team dynamics provide stability for these characters, even if they've come to rely on that stability to an unhealthy degree. We've got students whose teams were presented to them not just as a professional tool, but their primary support system. You live with these people, attend all the same classes, spend your free time together, and survive life-threatening situations on a fairly regular basis. It's work, family, and friendship all rolled into one, so if the headmaster suddenly says that you get a new team, that's a whole lot more devastating than just learning that you've got a new project group to deal with. It shouldn't have come to that—a school looking to teach a profession that requires working with a wide variety of individuals should never have told four students to rely one each other and each other alone—but now that we're here you can't just break them apart with no notice. Especially with a traumatic war going on. It's hard to come to a new school, meet new people, learn a new culture... so let me rip away the one piece of familiarity you have left.

Of course, I don't really think that the teams will be broken up irrevocably, if at all. Rather, I simply want to acknowledge that despite my appreciation for these kinds of stories and despite my desire that the teams get some distance... it shouldn't be done like this. Even more-so when it’s abundantly clear—to us if not the instructors—that this little stunt is causing their students to re-live a whole bucket load of trauma. Yatsuhashi thinks about how this feels like an “out of body experience” and “It reminded [him] uncomfortably of the evacuation of Beacon Academy… He felt his breath catch in his throat.” Coco’s order to stick together “[brought] him back to the moment,” re-emphasizing that he was lost in the past for a while there. He’s clearly struggling. 

Now, to be fair, this could all fall under the category of flawed characters. Meaning, anytime something awful happens in fiction we can interpret that as a skill on the part of the author: they wanted to write a scenario where the teachers are screwing up and unintentionally hurting their students. Or they know they’re hurting their students and consider that to be an acceptable sacrifice under the justification of ‘They have to get over Beacon at some point!’ There are lots of ways to paint this as Myers/RT writing complex, human characters who make ambiguous choices—a testament to their ability to write “realistically.” But to be frank I don’t really buy it. Simply because I’ve had a lot of experience now with how RWBY handles subjects like trauma and it’s only rarely been written respectfully and engagingly. I could be proven wrong as the novel continues, but it seems more likely that Myers wrote the instructors coming up with this test, wrote Yatsuhashi panicking over it, and intends to continually imply that these two things are separate plot points. Bringing both together in a narratively useful way would require acknowledging the instructors’ motivations—Why this test? Why now? Do they realize the harm they’re causing? If so, do they think it’s worth it?—and then coming to some sort of resolution, either via some recovery on CFVY’s part due to the instructors’ choices (this test did help us move past Beacon), or the instructors learning something about empathy and trauma via CFVY’s reaction (we never should have done this). I highly doubt we’ll get either.  

Thus, everyone is (justifiably) horrified. The teams are gone and either the shock of that made Team CFVY prioritize feelings of safety over strategy, or they're just not going to demonstrate any of the intelligence I look for in this kind of arc, because they immediately start obsessing over staying together. 

He needed to keep his team close to him. Especially Velvet. If they weren’t separated, they couldn’t be assigned to different teams.

Yatsuhashi, that is not at all what Rumpole told you:

“It’s already begun,” Rumpole said. “Everything you do from this moment forward will factor into your evaluations for new teams.”

Where in the world did you get the idea that you wouldn't be assigned a new team so long as you stuck with your old one? If I were one of the instructors here that choice would make me more likely to separate them. "Everything you do from this moment," Rumpole says, meaning that how they respond to this information is a part of the test. The team that panics and refuses to separate is the team that either can't function without one another, or at the very least believes that they can't. They're not willing to work with others and thus they're precisely the type that needs to learn this skillset. You're the ones they'll want to give new teammates to.

Of course, fate has different ideas about how things should go down. And by "fate" I mean "A completely ridiculous plot device." Team CFVY is separated because... the crowd is large I guess? It’s ridiculous. Four fighters already standing beside one another and who are now hyper-focused on staying together are not going to get swept away by a Shade size crowd who probably also want to stick with their own teammates. There are far better, far more convincing ways to keep them apart. Ozpin shot students one-by-one into the forest! Literally anything other than what we got, really.  

Still, that’s what we wound up with. Yatsuhashi and Coco both try to keep the team together only for the immense power of other people existing putting a stop to their plan. Alrighty then. Before they’re dramatically swept away on different ships, however, we do get two other noteworthy bits of information that I'd like to end on. The first is Rumpole’s announcement that “When you reach your destination, your goal will be to locate a gold figurine and bring it back to the school” to which Fox replies, “Great. Glad this is fair for everyone. Who can see.” And you know what? He's right. Maybe Fox and I will both be proven wrong (I feel like I'm writing that a lot this chapter...) but unless there's some miscommunication here or a surprise in store, a goal of "locat[ing] a gold figurine" is indeed a sight based challenge and, when placed in a test that is deliberately separating Fox from his team, puts him at a severe disadvantage.

The second is simply that the year levels of the students will not be a factor in the creation of new teams. “What year we are? Yatsu thought. This can’t be right. How could a first-year keep up with fourth-years?” to which I respond, "Um... that's the entire show?" The webseries RWBY is about how Team RWBY, starting out as first years, has surpassed everyone around them, to the point where they're now beating the best team in Atlas. Time-wise they're still second years—far as I can figure out, anyway—so if second years can beat elite military operations, a first year can stand toe-to-toe with second, third, and fourth years. More crucial to Yatsuhashi's thought process—because as an in-world character he doesn't necessarily know what Team RWBY has been up to post-Volume 3—he's still seen how well first years did at Beacon. Ruby was let in two years early. Pyrrha is such a phenomenally talented fighter her face is on their cereal boxes. A first year, Yang, went on to compete in the Vytal Tournament final (even if it was rigged. Yatsuhashi doesn't know that), and Team CFVY fought beside a number of first years at the Battle of Beacon. Now, you all know that I think education and experience are damn important. I'm not saying Yatsuhashi is flat-out wrong to question whether there would be any issues attached to slamming, say, a first year, two second years, and a fourth year into one team (especially when you consider practical questions like going to classes), but the general takeaway of "How could they keep up?" seems a tad strange. You know first years can keep up. You watched it happen, both in your former school's curriculum—first years get to go on an upper-level mission—and in real life battle. This knee-jerk response reads as even worse after five chapters of looking down on Team SSSN. Team CFVY really thinks highly of themselves, huh. 

Honestly, it feels like our authors didn't pay a whole lot of attention to the implications of the dialogue/thoughts they’re giving to the characters which is, again, par for the course at this point. Like the questions attached to the test, this feels less like giving Yatsuhashi a flaw (he, as an in-world character, hasn't bothered to think through whether his knee-jerk assumption about first years is supported by his experiences) and more like a flaw of the creators. That sounds like a legitimate concern—in the same way that Yatsuhashi's advice to Rumpole sounds generically wise—but poke at it a bit and you start finding a number of cracks. An author who is well aware of the world they've built and strives to adhere to it might have had Yatsuhashi acknowledge some of the amazing things he's seen first years do and still conclude that there are problems with this decision. That's legit. As it stands, Yatsuhashi just sounds ignorant and (again) overly confident, which I don't trust to be a moment of character insight as opposed to an authorial blip.

Which is about where we end. The team is split on different airships, no one is happy about it, and we're left with this somewhat unsettling image:

Headmaster Theodore was waving and whooping, like it was all some terrific game, while Professor Rumpole watched silently, her hair whipping around in the wind and an unsettling grin on her face.

This gives me some hope that the story will treat the problems attached to this test respectfully. The description of Theodore acting "like it was all some terrific game" is a mark against his character and Rumpole straight up has an "unsettling grin on her face." Is she one of the baddies? Potentially. Will I ever again get adult characters who aren't depicted as inept, traitorous, or just so flawed that they unwittingly cause great damage to their students? Probably not. These two desires remain constantly at war with one another. RWBY introduces issues that the story should tackle, but the only issues it acknowledges are those attached to the adults. So we have everyone doing a range of iffy things, but only the elders are likely to be punished or (better yet) learn something over the course of the tale. The double standard remains so strong across the franchise that at this point I just want to raise a THE ADULTS DID NOTHING WRONG banner and call it a day. Not because they're actually free of mistakes or even, at times, downright cruelty, but because if our protagonists constantly get that free pass I'm not sure why everyone else can't too.

Anyone for a spot of denial? 

But I've now written nearly twice as much as the actual chapter in question. It's time to stop! At this rate I’ll have written the equivalent of five Before the Dawns in my attempt to recap just one. #yikes

Until Chapter Six 💜

[silvia7272]

4 ~ The End And Beginning Of Friendly Matters

Hey, so here's the fourth one, hope you like it. if you're confused, the Prologue was first, then Threats and Frights, then First Meetings Aren't Normal 1 & 2. I’ve decided to make a chapter with Chloé as I haven’t had a lot of content with her and I wanted to explore how I’m going to do just that so yeah. However, Miracle Queen hasn’t happened and never will happen in this fic unless I can spin the idea. I wanted to add some more information from the last fic. So, info dump? Yeah, let’s go with that.

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Also, Chloé Bourgeois is like Weiss Schnee and no one can change my mind. I think that’s the reason I could never hate her.

I might start adding an extra opinion before the start of each story now.

Word Count: 5575

Tags: @queenmj10, @fangirl39, @animegirlweeb, @northernbluetongue, @daminett4life​, @raisuke06​, @indecisive-mess-named-me​, sorry if I forgot anyone.

My fic My ‘Lying’ Prologue got so much attention in these past few days I’m so surprised thanks so much guys. I’m so considering uploading my other stories on here.

If you wish to be tagged all you have to do is say so.

Also, one last thing, did I say what eye colour Rosina had? If not it's Silver now.

***

“What the hell are you doing hanging out with that traitor?” She was crowded around her again. When lunch appeared, she was whisked away again by her classmates. Day two and this had already become a habit?

“Huh? Traitor? What traitor? Who is it you’re talking about?” Rosina blinked in bewilderment; she had only been hanging around with her friend.

“Oh no, you really don’t know do you?” Lila exclaimed, tears stinging her eyes while Rosina stared in confusion.

“She had bullied and lied about everyone here over the past year. Girl, it's best you come with us.” Alya clarified, yet Rosina still didn’t understand.

“But Marinette has been so kind to me, her Parents even gave me some free pastries for me. How is that mean?”

“Because she’s only pretending to like you, soon when you trust her, she’ll stab you in the back as she did to all of us. Please, Rosina, we don’t want you to be hurt like we were.” They really didn’t trust Marinette anymore, that thought alone saddened her immensely, she wanted to understand why someone would do that?

She stood up from her seat, they all patiently awaited her answer. Believing they truly had changed her mind.

“I understand your ill will towards Marinette, however, please do not stop me. I want to make my own choices; I want to be friends with Marinette on my own. And if everything is true, I will have learnt it my way. Experiencing life first-hand is my priority. I hope you understand my choice” She walked off, with everyone too stunned to move or speak. But Adrien was just glad she didn’t say anything about Lila being a liar, no doubt Marinette would’ve told her.

“We have to keep her away from Marinette” Adrien was pulled out of his thoughts by all of his friends thinking of plans to persuade her further.

“But Alya you heard what she said, maybe we should just respect her wishes” Everyone looked as if he had grown two heads.

“Are you insane? Rosina is so sweet there's no way we could leave her with Marinette! We can’t let her be hurt like us!” Adrien slightly winced since he knew the truth but knew that deep down everything would be sorted.

“Yeah but she is new, she can still see for herself” Even if he and Marinette weren’t… Friends anymore it wouldn’t hurt her having a friend.

“Oh Adrien, you have no idea how manipulation works, since Marinette could just play victim all the time she’ll be wrapped around her finger in no time, we need to help our dear new friend.” Adrien had to urge himself not to roll his eyes.

“Yeah Lila, of course,” But he still had to be on her good side, his Father had made sure to remind him.

“Now let’s get back to the plan”

***

“Do you mind kidnapping me?”

“Nooooope, sorry but I missed you Mari, and everyone kept telling me mean things about you, you’re my first friend how could I stand by with them talking like that? I had to come and find you of course.” Marinette smiled towards her friend, she was weird but in a good way. She was just so happy to have someone she could trust, someone who would know her struggle with and someone she didn’t have to lie to anymore.

“Mari? Maaaaaaaarrrriiiiiiii? Oh, you zoned out, are you ok? You don’t need to cry again, do you?” Asking innocently as Marinette pondered how it was possible she never sounded sarcastic or even mocking in her tone.

“No, I’m fine, I’ll tell you if I need some space. Although I was wondering if you could tell me some more information?��� Rosina nodded ecstatically.

“Oh, Marinette I was just thinking of that, we really are friends, huh does this mean we’re best friends?” They both giggled before looking at the view.

“You sooo owe me for that stunt you pulled”

“Aww but Mari you were so cute clinging onto me. You were like a Doll” She exclaims before remembering the scene. She had dragged Marinette out the window before running up to the roof.

“Yeah well, no more pastries then” She crosses her arms before looking the other way annoyed, but only half-heartedly.

“Nooo, anything but that! -Hugging Her- I won’t let go until you forgive me”

“Fine. So, what were you going to tell me?”

“Well err, maybe just some more information about the Revenant, but it’s really better at first hand. But can I see Tikki, she’s so cute?” Tikki flies out towards her and allows her to snuggle her cheek.

“Now where to start? Well, to make it easier the Revenant is stored in Trinkets, they are scattered around a location for a certain amount of time before moving away. Normally we can predict the location but sometimes we have to look for it. The last ones are always the hardest, but I’ll try to explain just like Aunty tells me.” She lifted her own Trinket towards Marinette and Tikki.

“They are a portal to a strange land; time is unnecessary and cannot expand. Travel you must, succeed and entrust, to destroy the Revenant at hand.”

“At least that’s as much as I can translate, I only ever remembered that much sorry” But Marinette was deep in thought.

“I get the first sentence but travel you must? Does that mean you have to search for the Revenant inside?” She clicked her fingers.

“You’re right on the square, we have to travel to get there” She was so pleased that Marinette found the puzzle.

“You mean dot” She pointed out.

“Same thing. There are so many foes? Yep that word, foes for us to defeat as well, you’ll understand more when we find one ourselves. Because if they are left it's incredibly bad. Like really really bad.”

“What would happen?” Tikki’s question caused her normally cheerful face to turn serious.

“If it's left out without being purified, it will start to crack and the Revenant has a chance to escape into our world, we aren’t sure if the Miraculous cure could even fix it”

“But that’s impossible? How did they even exist in the first place?”

‘And how come no one had told me about this?’

“That’s why I’m pretty sure it’s how Aunty and Mister Wáng met. They must’ve had to defeat one together but Marinette, I think it was the aftereffect of the Miraculous’ wish, from what I’ve been told it matches up from what Aunty informed me” Kwami and bluenette widened their eyes.

“And if Hawkmoth gets the Miraculous?” Realisation kicking in, if this happened because of the wishes, they really had to be careful.

“Yes, it would be even worse.”

“I had no idea that wish caused this” Tikki contemplated flying around the two.

“Well, there's nothing we can do now, but if you could possibly not tell Chat yet that would be good, Aunty and I need to make sure they really are here first. We don’t need to make people fret over nothing.”

“I understand, although I think he’s still annoyed at me because of what happened.”

“Don’t worry, if you’ll let me come on the next patrol or hunt, I’ll be happy to explain somethings to him”

“Of course you’re coming, I need to get you up to speed with all of the Akuma’s we’ve had to deal with” The bell rang, and they made it back to the classroom just before anyone else entered. They gave notes and silently talked throughout the day, with Marinette helping Rosina whenever she could before spending so much time together at home.

Not knowing about the next week's events.

***

“Well now class seeing as most of you have been on your best behaviour, I think it would be an excellent idea to reward you. And as our brilliant Class President Lila suggested we take an overnight trip here at *Le Jardín Du Luxembourg, I hope you’ve all packed up all of your essentials so let’s get inside” They walked over to the building with the students gasping in awe, it looked so great.

Although Marinette didn’t look too overjoyed, her only friend was being held captive by Lila who had latched onto her arm despite said girl looking uncomfortable. They made her sit with them on the minibus as well, the girl not able to voice anything. She appeared to be sad, possibly because she thought she had betrayed her first friend but Marinette tried to tell her it was alright, it wasn’t her fault to ease her concerns, but Rosina still felt guilty.

“Ok class, you’ll be in pairs so you’ll be able to explore to your own leisure you can enter the building or look around the gardens ok? So the pairs are Alya & Nino, Nathaniel & Max, Alix & Kim, Juleka & Rose, Mylène & Ivan, Lila & Adrien, Sabrina & Chloé, and finally Rosina & Marinette since you two have been getting along so well, you’ve really become a brilliant influence on Marinette” Marinette had the urge to roll her eyes but she was kiiiiiinda right. However, not everyone was pleased with the choices.

“Mlle Bustier please don’t make me go with Chloé, can’t I please go with someone else instead please, you know we shouldn’t be together after everything right?” With Rosina and Mlle Bustier shocked about the outburst the class minus Chloé and Marinette smirked as their plan was evolving.

“Oh, I’m sorry I had forgotten about that Sabrina? If anyone would be so kind as to pair up with Sabrina so we could get moving.” A hand shot up; the plan was moving along great.

“Mlle Bustier, I’m sure Adrien doesn’t mind going with Sabrina, and I would be more than happy to go with Chloé, after all, we need someone responsible to look after the class and I don’t mind doing that if everyone else can enjoy their time here”

“Wow Lila that’s so awesome of you” The class cheered as Chloé groaned.

“Do you really think I’d want to go with someone like you? I’d rather go with Dupain-Cheng” Said girl scowled but didn’t comment, whatever she thought, it was mutual anyway.

“Chloé, don’t be rude to her, she has graciously volunteered to be your partner, you could show some gratitude to her.” Bustier warned, a glare on her face.

“It's not like I wanted her too” She grumbled under her voice.

“Just like no one wanted to be near you in the first place” Lila whispered before walking away with the majority of the class.

“Oh, what do I care about that?” She rushed off so she wouldn’t be left behind, but a frown was put on a normally cheery face.

***

Some more time had passed, and Rosina was intrigued by all the sights she was seeing, everything had just looked so big to her, the teacher warned them not to get lost, so she was glad she had Marinette with her.

“Wow, that artwork looks so pretty Mari. Who do you think made it?” Entranced by the ‘artwork’ she didn’t see the deadpan look Marinette gave her.

“That’s just a window Rosina”

“…It's still pretty” She pouted.

“You can find anything interesting, can’t you?” It was so easy to joke around with her.

“Says the one carrying the sketchbook around”

“Touché, anyway maybe we should look around for some real art huh?” She nodded before they walked on ahead.

…Until Rosina stopped again.

“Huh, hey Mari is this a room? -Gasps- Is this a secret room for people to discover, just like in those puzzle area’s?”

“What no, it's just a closed-off area- Wait don’t go in there!” After the redhead had entered the secret room, Marinette had no choice but to go in as well. Making Lila’s plan a lot easier. Following the girls was easy considering they hardly explored anywhere interesting. She was sure Marinette didn’t want to be discovered by her former friends.

“Oh no Chloé, that’s the storage room we have to tell them. They could accidentally get locked up” Chloé, as ever, looked unimpressed.

“Why should I care?” Lila smirked, the right buttons were about to be pressed.

“Because if you don’t, I’ll tell Adrien you pushed me” Chloé stepped away, huh, had something happened to them? Perfect.

“What's wrong Chloé, afraid your “good friend” won’t believe you?” But all Chloé did was glare before flicking her hair walking away.

‘It's better than nothing. I can work with this’ She caught up to her, walking side by side until they reached it.

Since Marinette and Rosina didn’t close the door this would go flawlessly.

Her hand slipped out, and with a surprising amount of force pushed the blonde into the room.

And before the blonde could even push herself up, the door somehow shut and bolted, leaving her stuck and locked up.

“Oh no Chloé, I had no idea what happened, don’t worry, I’ll get Mlle Bustier and we’ll get you out soon I promise”

~~~

“The plan, what exactly could we do?”

“Well if we get them together in a secluded space surely Marinette would reveal her true colours eventually, right?”

“That’s great Lila, now how to get them closed off?” They had all thought the idea was brilliant.

“I think I know.”

~~~

She laughs as she walks away, she didn’t care if she heard it or not, who would believe her anyway?

‘Adding Chloé to the mix was a great idea, of course, I’d be able to think of that. I’m a genius after all’

***

Bang Bang Bang.

“Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous! I demand you let me off here!”

How dare she! When her Dad found out what had happened to her they’ll be hell to pay!

“Ridiculous”

But who would believe her? Even if her Dad tried to do anything, they had blackmailed him in return, they had gotten smarter, because of that Lila girl. Her sprouting all of these accusations she had caused towards the liar of the school. She couldn’t do anything to her, and she knew it.

Bang… Bang…

She couldn’t do anything.

“Ridiculous…?”

What did it matter anyway, why did she have to stay in this stupid school? Couldn’t she just be home-schooled like Adri- She paused. She didn’t want to think of him, not after…

“Utterly ridiculous” She slid to the ground, she wasn’t bothered anymore, she didn’t care if she might be Akumatized here, even if Hawkmoth could get there it didn’t matter anymore.

The tears were already falling.

“Chloé? What are you doing here?” Looking up, the redhaired girl stood in front bewildered. Furiously wiping her eyes, she answers the girl.

“That stupid Lila girl pushed me in here. I hate her and her stupid lies!” She yells but Rosina doesn’t turn away, instead, she crouched down to her level.

“Are you ok Chloé? Your crying” She tried to reach her hand out but Chloé swiped it away.

“Don’t even think of putting your fingers near me!” Before Rosina could reply Marinette came into view, and she wasn’t happy with what she saw.

“Chloé you can’t say that to Rosina she was only trying to help!” Marinette scolded even if Chloé didn’t seem to care.

“Marinette it's ok she’s already upset as it is, plus the doors locked so there's no use in fighting now.” Marinette gasped.

“What!? We’re trapped!? How did that happen? How are we going to get out!?” Again, before she could answer Chloé spoke.

“Oh, shut up Dupain-Cheng. Why did I have to be trapped you of all people!?” She counted.

“Hey-” She tried to intervene.

“That goes for me too, I think I’d prefer Lila” She retorted.

“But you-” She wanted to intervene.

“How dare you!? That’s low, choosing a liar over me!”

“Ha, you’re a liar as well don’t try to play the victim here!”

“Oh, you insufferable piece of-”

“SHUT UP!!”

They turned their heads towards Rosina, they hadn’t seen her angry before, or anything other than happy.

“Oh, sorry. You were shouting and I just wanted you to stop.” It was silent before Rosina sat down.

“Why are you two fighting anyway? If you both hate Lila, why aren’t you friends?”

“I would never be friends with her!” They shouted in sync.

“Please don’t make me shout again” They stopped, allowing her to continue.

“Then why aren’t you friends? I just want to understand what happened that’s all” She smiled, desperately wanting to break the tension.

“Chloé here has bullied me since Kindergarten. I think that should explain everything” Rosina was confused.

“Kinder… Garten? Like a Kinder Egg, oh I loved them.” Marinette explained further so she understood.

“You haven’t exactly been nice to me either” She responded.

“You started it.” She muttered.

“What?” Marinette questioned after Chloé mumbled something.

“I said that’s not true” Marinette couldn’t believe the nerve of this girl, she’s made her life miserable for so long, longer than Lila has.

“You made my life miserable for the past 5 years, it was only last year that I finally decided to grow a spine against you, because of-” She stopped, but looked at Rosina for reassurance.

“That doesn’t matter anymore, I will still have Rosina, I may have lost to Lila once, but she won’t win. She won’t beat me” Rosina shared a smile that didn’t go unnoticed by the blonde.

“You weren’t the only person to lose to her you know. Sabrina hates me because of her lies, Adrien hates me because I called out Lila’s behaviour when she took Sabrina away. Everyone hates me anyway, I don’t have any reason to be here, I’m utterly useless” Marinette feel Déjà Vu all over again. Chloé was talking, really talking about her feelings again.

“And that’s why I can’t stand you Marinette…”

“Huh? Why? I didn’t-?” Rosina put her hand up to stop Marinette.

“Please explain Chloé, what did Marinette do? I want to understand.”

“…You’ve always been helpful, with a smile on your face. You wanted to make friends with everyone you met, and your-”

“That’s it! You made my life a living hell because of tha-!?”

“BECAUSE I WAS JEALOUS!!” She breathed before continuing.

“You could do anything you put your mind to, you’re a great designer and an amazing baker. All I am is a rich girl. I could never make a dress on my own, I could never make a cake on my own. All I could do was order other people to do my bidding. You could do everything while I couldn’t.”

“It was so easy for you to make friends, everyone loved you. I just couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t understand why they loved you so much, I couldn’t accept the fact that I was the problem, because I wasn’t you Marinette. I was always going to be friendless.”

“No matter what I did no one liked me, they just wanted me to leave so I was angry with all of them, and I always took it out on Sabrina. Someone who I pushed too far. I only realised I never really had a friend until Adrien and Sabrina left me. I only realised it was because of me when that happened, and I still didn’t change. Because I am useless, I even thought saving a train full of people that I purposely crashed would make me a hero” Rosina would ask later, she was confused when her Aunt told her that.

“Why did you compare me to yourself? You’re your own person Chloé. And everyone has these jealous thoughts, I’ve even had them about you” Shocked she looked up to look at the blue-haired girl.

“You could ask for literally anything, and your Dad could get it for you. Chloé you are beautiful, I’m surprised you aren’t a model yet.” Wow, this truth put a light on the two. There was silence again, but it was much more comfortable.

“So, can you remind me why you two hated each other again?” For once the girls couldn’t provide an answer, why was there so much hostility? She glanced at Rosina who was a voice of reason, she let the girls explain and even got to an actual problem they weren’t bothered to find out. She breathed out a sigh of relief, now their ‘rivalry’ looked silly for this reason.

“But I guess we were in the same boat for a while huh? I lost all my friends as well, before I made a real one” And then Marinette did something she never thought she would ever do in a million years.

“I know I said I’d rather have no friends than be your friend but, do you think we could reconsider and start over?”

“But I- You hate me?” She wasn’t fully convinced at all.

“That was before I understood, all I’m asking is for us to start over, so we can be friends. I can help you Chloé, only if you want it?”

She asked Chloé to be her friend.

“Y-Yeah, I’d like that, one friend for each of us” She wiped her remaining tears away and took Marinette’s hand.

“Make that 2, I’ll be your friend as well Chlo, I can call you that right?” But Chloé was confused by her words.

“Why do you want to be friends with me? You heard how I bullied Dupa- err I mean Marinette, what are you insane?”

“Chloé!”

“What? It's just the truth” Their problems wouldn’t be solved overnight, but at least it was a start.

“Weeeeellllll I’ve always wanted to be your friend; besides Marinette, you caught my eye when I came into the classroom. So, can I? Please?” She practically pleaded with stars in her eyes, two friends for her, it would be great.

“Fine but listen here newbie, if you betray us there will be hell to pay!”

“Chloé!”

“What? I have to set the grounds here; she needs to know who she’s dealing with”

“Of course, if I do betray you, feel free to slap me” She was way too ecstatic at times.

“…That’s forward of you, but I’ll make sure to remember it”

“Great -Hugs Them Both- We’ll be friends forever”

“Ugh get off me you- forget it, I guess this is my fate now” She eventually let go before an important question was raised.

“Err so how are we going to get out of here?”

“Yes, I can’t stand having to spend another minute in this utterly ridiculous cramped room” Rosina looked in her bag to see anything of use.

She found something.

“I don’t know a solution, but I know a way to pass sometime”

The two girls looked at each other, they had no idea if this was a good or bad idea.

***

“I hope you were all able to find some pieces of artwork that were fascinating to you. And I do hope you have all of your belongings with you before we go to our hotel” The hotel Lila had claimed to have booked would’ve been a 5-Star Reserved one because of a favour a friend owed her, but the school faculty couldn’t possibly allow that as they’ll feel indebted and booked a hotel reservation elsewhere causing the students to pout in disappointment.

However, one student had noticed one important thing, or three things to be specific.

“Mlle Bustier, Rosina isn’t here, she’s still in the building” The others gasped as well before Adrien pointed out neither Chloé nor Marinette was present.

“Huh, you don’t mean? No, she couldn’t possibly have?” Lila muttered but the reporter spotted it.

“What Lila?”

“I saw Chloé go into a room and lock it after her, I wasn’t sure what she was doing but she told me not to follow her. I’m so sorry but I think she might’ve had Rosina in there” She claimed as the tears fell down.

“That’s a very bold claim you’ve stated. Maybe if we went to that room we’d know”

“Mlle, of course she’s not lying, she must’ve trapped her in there like she had Juleka locked in the bath stall.” The class nodded while Sabrina grimaced at what she did, she had apologised so much to everyone and thankfully they had forgiven her.

“Well Lila if you could show us the room so we can see please”

“Of course,” They all raced up the stairs, some worried if the plan had worked and some worried for their friend's safety. They didn’t know the plan was going to turn out like this.

They were starting to become weary.

“Mlle its this door, but I think I hear something” They stayed quiet and true to her word, they heard very familiar voices.

“Why you! You little traitor, Marinette we have to stop her!”

“Yeah, it's over Rosina” That was all it took before the teacher was able to open the door.

But a sentence was able to change the whole atmosphere.

“Since I can jump in that’s UNO and I win now. Yay, I’ve won my first game of UNO, can we play again? It was so much fun.” The girls in front of her stopped causing her to turn around.

“Light? We’re free hooray!” She was able to swiftly pack up the stuff and meet everyone outside.

“Oh, Rosina thank goodness your alright we were so worried!” Rose hugged her as the girls crowded around her.

“Worried? Why?” She tilted her head to signify her confusion.

“Because you were stuck with Marinette and Chloé. They didn’t do anything to you?” They started to glare with daggers in their eyes at the girls mentioned before Rosina held her hands up.

“What no of course not. We just played UNO. I’ve never played it before, it was so fun.” She smiled remembering the game they played, but a certain teacher was not impressed.

“I’m glad you’re alright but why were you in there in the first place?” With a sheepish smile, Rosina answered with an embarrassed smile.

“Oh hehe funny story, I thought it was a secret room so I went to check it out even though Marinette told me not to and then Chloé came in and said it was locked so we had to stay in there and we played UNO. Are we going to the hotel now? I would love to go to bed.” She seemed to only have one set of emotion played at times.

“Chloé would you care to explain how you got locked inside?” Bustier asked, it wouldn’t be the first time she’s done something like this.

“Well-”

“It was Lila, she locked us in there” Marinette interrupted.

“Me? But I wasn’t anywhere near you Marinette, I was worried about all of you and you blame me?” Her tears were already forming as the class looked angrily at the blue-haired girl.

Chloé looked on in wonder, it was utterly stupid what Marinette had done, she had nothing to gain from it, why had she done that?

“I bet you locked the door instead”

Why claim to be the bad guy?

“You’ve always been jealous of Lila’s success stop trying to throw her under the bus”

Why do something so selfle-

“Marinette you should know better than to lie”

Wait… That was the reason?

“But she didn’t lock us in the room”

“So, we can be friends” Those words echoed through her head.

“Rosina it’s alright, you don’t need to stand up for them, just please tell us the truth” Alya pleaded.

‘So that’s why’ She knew what she had to do.

“The truth was Lila pushed me into the room, locked it and laughed as she walked away. And how dare none of you notice that we weren’t there, what kind of a class are you, one full of morons I believe!”

“Chloé! Not so mean” Marinette berated but was glad she was trying.

“Chloé we went through this; Lila couldn’t possibly have done that she has Arthritis.”

“Well believe what you want, but that’s the truth and I’m not about to let my friends take the blame for something they hadn’t done” The class was perplexed.

“Friends? When did that happen?”

“None of your business, now come on. We’re going to our hotel, a much better place than the one their going. I doubt they even gave us a room in the first place, and since my room is bound to have space, I suppose you two can stay with me, wow my generosity astonishes me as well.” Grabbing their hands, she walks away from the whole class, they were too shocked to oppose.

And when they were far away Marinette breathed a sigh of relief.

“Wow Chloé thanks so much, that’s so kind of you” Chloé beamed at the attention.

“Of course it was, I-” But it was short-lived as Marinette coughed.

“It was nice of you to offer but you shouldn’t boast about your generosity, it makes the deed seem less important” She groaned.

“Fiiiiiine, whatever. Now hurry up, will you?” They smiled before they all walked to the hotel, actually having a genuine conversation with her newfound friends.

***

They’d left them.

They’d actually left them.

After spending an amazing time in the hotel Chloé provided for them, which was amazing by the way if you couldn’t tell, they were told the minibus would pick them up at 9.

Marinette, enough of being lied too persuaded her newfound friends to leave early, and after some apprehension from Chloé, the blue-haired girl won.

But it was still too late, they were able to see the bus leave, and become smaller and smaller with time.

“This is utterly ludicrous! How dare they leave us, what type of teacher do we even have? And they even left Rosina, how could they do that!” Wow, Chloé was getting extremely angry at that.

“Didn’t you get a text? Wouldn’t they tell us we were leaving earlier?” Marinette put her hand on the silver-eyed girl's shoulder.

“I had to block all of their numbers because of some unpleasant texts they sent, and I doubt they would tell Chloé either” Rosina looked at them both, they didn’t deserve this, they had been nothing but kind and she just couldn’t see the bad in them, but she also felt bad about the others, if Lila had been lying for so long, she could’ve said anything and they would believe her, she could be planting so many seeds in their heads and they would be none the wiser.

She just wanted to find out why. Surely everyone had a reason to do anything, even if they thought it would be fun? She just wanted to understand.

But now wasn’t the time to think about Lila, she had a job to ensure her friends got back safely, and she would guarantee that.

“Well since we’re friends, I believe I can help out this time, Chloé, this is my gratitude for letting us stay with you.”

“Err what?” Chloé was confused while Marinette looked panicked.

“Wait you don’t mean-”

“Yep.” Popping the P her ring lit up, a light travelling around her finger.

“I Bequeath This Blade To Dance”

Something bright blocked the girl's vision, and as they looked back, they could see a board. A hoverboard.

With the blonde perplexed and bluenette sighing in relief the redhead giggled with joy.

“For a minute I thought you were going to say something else”

“You mean if I revealed that I’m Crisono Tassa? No, I wasn’t going to say that” But then she realised her mistake and saw the horror on the blondes face much to her amusement.

“Y-You’re Crisono, what the hell you can’t just tell me like that, I hardly know you!” She reprimanded until Marinette coughed.

“Like you did it any better” Chloé took offence.

“…I hate you”

“Enough, I trust you Chloé, you’re my friend after all. So c’mon, let’s go. We can probably beat them there and enjoy the rest of the day” Before they could reply they were already shoved onto the hoverboard. The girls had to grip onto each arm as they shrieked in horror.

“Ahhhhhhhh! Rosina I am going to throttle you when I get off this thing!”

“Make that 2! Ahhhhhhhh! Slow down! I think I’m going to be sick!”

“Oh c’mon guys this is fun, it's just like flying, I promise you’ll enjoy it” Their feet were secured so Rosina couldn’t understand why they were so scared.

“Rosina, there's the bus, let us pass it and I might not hit you”

“Whatever you say my friend” When they passed the minibus she had to knock on the window to get the attention of one blonde girl who screamed in surprise gaining the attention of all the other students who couldn’t help but stare in awe.

Alya immediately pulled her phone out, but Marinette told Rosina to get going before and so they zoomed off.

“Ok that was awesome, I take it back, it really does feel like I’m flying here, I guess this is remarkable.” They whizzed of past the cars and lights, flying like a bird through the air. It was, as Chloé put it, marvellous utterly marvellous. That feeling was extraordinary.

But it was nothing compared to the shock of the class when they see all three girls there for class and have their arms linked together.

***

That’s it, folks. I hope you enjoyed it, I hope I made all the characters in character, I just really hoped I made a good redeemable Chloé, so I hope it worked. And I drew this for what Rosina looks like in her normal clothes. I might change it later on.

Anyway, I don’t know what you want me to write after, more character interactions with the Marinette defence Squad, meeting Chat Noir or something completely different? Well, I hope to see you next time, take care. All comments are welcome, prompts and ideas too.

~~~ Means flashback

*Le Jardín Du Luxembourg It was the first thing I picked, so sorry if the information was wrong, but oh well, it's not really going to affect your day to day life. And this is just for fun anyway.

[fmdjaewonarchive]

► agree.

date(s): july 2020 - february 2021 mentions of: champion members, unity members (samsoo, yul & sunghee mentioned by name but like... blink and you’ll miss it)  word count: +/- 2.3k words (870w lyrics/660 words composition/740 words production) warnings: mentions of anxiety, panic attacks and car accidents details: full lyrics and full composition verification for agree, 3/3 verifications for jaewon’s upcoming album escapism. jaewon doesn’t only know how to write sad boi music, he also writes angry boi music, the only two emotions he’s ever experienced rlly. (a/n: i lost my braincells within the first 100 words and still haven’t retrieved them, read at your own discretion)

the song is born out of frustration, anger blocking up his throat to the point it feels hard to breathe.

it’s the kick-off point of champion’s world tour, a concept that has jaewon disgruntled enough as it is, snatching him away from unity and dropping him in the states like he is supposed to care about this group, like he doesn’t have better things to worry about.

but alas that’s beside his point, as much as he detests the idea behind champion, it’s not his main source of frustration.

traveling out to the states, that part is hell. now jaewon has never been a huge fan of traveling, suffering from a crippling fear of flying ever since predebut that somehow has not gotten any less severe with the sheer amount of flying all over the place unity has been doing. jaewon also absolutely hates airports, they’re too crowded, too hectic and far too stressful to not immediately put him in a godawful mood.

the cameras shoved right into his face both prior to departure and directly after arrival definitely didn't help.

comparatively, champion’s trip to the states this time hadn’t been that bad. jaewon just happens to be in an extra foul mood today but rationally, he has to admit that he’s seen far worse throughout the years.

but maybe that’s exactly the problem, how common these things have become, that getting pushed and pulled at while trying to get on flight was considered to be mild.

jaewon’s frustration isn’t solely aimed at an isolated instance, it’s at the ridiculous standard that’s been set for idols, the things they have to accept like they are normal.

normally he would call soo to complain about whatever was bothering him but with the time difference, jaewon knew his boyfriend was ought to be asleep at this hour and he definitely wasn’t waking him up for something this minor.

he even humors the thought of perhaps finding sunghee or yul to complain to but with most of champion out for the night doing whatever (admittedly, jaewon didn’t listen when they were making plans, he wasn’t gonna tag along anyway) that isn’t really in the cards either. perhaps that’s for the best, jaewon isn’t the biggest fan of actually talking to the younger unity members about what was on his mind.

either way, jaewon is stuck in a hotelroom by himself, no one around to really vent his frustration too so instead, he might just as well write it all down.

and that’s exactly what he does, settling down at the desk in his hotelroom, scribbling on a notepad randomly found laying around.

on the plane the person in the seat next to me that’s not my fan apparently buying info off the airplane company

it’s not entirely relevant to what happened at the airport earlier but jaewon feels angry all over just thinking about it. unity has had it’s fair share of experiences with saesangs, seemingly only increasing the more popular they keep getting. sure, that makes sense but it doesn’t mean it’s okay, contrary to what dimensions seem to believe with how easily the company brushes it off under the pretense of it just being another part of the job.

at the airplane lounge there’s a war between the 200 mm guns privacy, panic disorder, they barter with one another...

in the first place, jaewon’s main concern is unity, it always is. he’s willing to put up with a lot if it means the younger members are left off the hook. but he has to admit, since the panic attacks have started to become more prevalent, it’s a lot harder to take that stance. it’s hard to take care of others when he fails to take care of himself.

jaewon tries not to think about what that means for his position as a leader.

from early morning put on a mask and fight on in short, call it being a puppet...

jaewon knows he’s not an ideal idol, he’s never been and he never will be. maybe in retrospect, he would have done things differently but there is no use in considering those what-ifs now. there is, however, no denying that all of it is just a bigger struggle with him, it will never go as easily as with people who were made to stand in front of the camera’s. why shouldn’t he get to be open and honest about that? he’s not the perfect idol they want him to be, he will never fit that mold.

i know, that’s right that’s right that’s right that’s right that’s right that’s right i know that’s right that’s right that’s right

written out, the chorus feels a bit silly, but jaewon feels justified in his creative choices. not that the song is ever going to be used for anything, it’s just an attest to his frustration. jaewon knows he’s ought to sit down and silently accept whatever is expected of him.

it’s been years since he’s been his own person. these days, he’s dimensions’ property first and that of the general public second, there is no use in fighting that, no space for his voice.

so sure, whatever, he agrees, what else can he do?

---------------

jaewon forgets about the lyrics he’s written down after that.

in the moment there had been no intention to turn them into a full-fledged song, a haphazard combination of lyrics that in their raw form, probably held very little meaning, too much filler between the few parts that he did properly think through.

so jaewon forgets all about it before he even sets foot back in korea again. unity is busy enough, the release of neo zone lurking around the corner and with multiple schedules of his own, jaewon can’t even think about the song if he wants to.

it only comes drifting back into his consciousness at least a month of two having passed since champion’s american tour dates.

the day in itself isn’t anything special, if there is anything remarkable about it it’s the fact jaewon isn’t working for once. he’s just hanging around his and samsoo’s apartment, scrolling through whatever app on his phone keeps his attention for long enough.

until an article pops up.

it’s a news post about a rookie group he’s never heard of from a company he doesn’t know the name of, it has nothing to do with him, but he finds himself reading through it anyway. apparently, they got into an accident on their way home from schedules as they were being followed by saesangs. no one got injured and truly, it’s not the first time jaewon has read news like this but it does fill him with the same sense of anger as what he had experienced that first day in the states with champion.

because this type of news shouldn’t be common, for how long are people gonna pretend it is?

maybe he should finish that damn song.

wait does he even still have the lyrics?

jaewon vaguely remembers at the very least putting the sheet of paper in his backpack after the concert as he had been packing up to move to the next city of their tour but after that, he can’t say he recalls having seen it lay around.

he’s really ought to get more orderly with his drafts.

luckily for him, jaewon does find the sheet of paper, not in his bag but shoved in between the pages of a notebook and with the draft of his lyrics obtained he makes a beeline for his home studio. normally he’d do this stuff at the company headquarters but truly, that sounds like far too much work in the moment.

obviously, the song is meant to have an angry undertone to it, supposed to convey the same anger and frustration that swallowed jaewon whole as he had written the lyrics.

the deep, resonating boom of low brass sounds for the opening of the song are a no brainer, the sound gives a bombastic, ominous vibe, immediately setting the song off on the right note. it’s supposed to sound grande and honestly a little bit intimidating, a dark feeling creeping around the corners.

of course, the sound is far too theatrical to be underlaying to the entire song so jaewon alternates it with a deep, booming bassline, the brass only reappearing right before the chorus other than in the opening section as if to give off a warning. to fill up the verses and the parts in between, jaewon adds rumbling, deep drums in the background, making them feel less empty.

what really makes the song however is the rapidly-cycling electronic stuttering a rhythmic pattern across almost all parts of the song. it feels a little distracting at first before jaewon decides that really, that’s exactly what he’s going for. the melody feels just a little too fast, uncomfortably so and in a song reflecting so much stress and strain, that only feels fair, reflectives of the way his chest tightens up when he can’t breathe, when his hands tremble and his heart beats so fast it might as well make him sick.

jaewon thinks it conveys his frustrations pretty damn well.

---------------

it doesn’t seem in the books for the song to ever be released until the process of selecting songs for escapism comes along. while jaewon regains some of his creative freedom, most of it had been under dimensions terms, leaving it up to them to shape the album in a way they prefer over his creative vision.

until somewhere near the end of completing the track list, the head producer asks jaewon if he has any songs laying around that could fit in with the rest of the album.

‘agree’ is the first thing to come to mind.

the head producer seems to like the songs, enough to approve it at least and jaewon can’t help but feel a flare of pride. the producer seems intent on leaving the creative process in his hands, letting him handle the production.

it makes ‘agree’ the first song ever that’s entirely his own that he gets to release, it feels like a milestone to jaewon.

he does get a little list of suggestions, mainly pertaining to the lyrics. the producer leaves a few remarks here and there about where lines could be stronger, what he would do differently but all of it are very loose recommendations, jaewon isn’t actually under an obligation to do anything with them.

in the end, he does anyway, shuffles some lyrics around, dares to be a bit more assertive in his wording, right onto the border of what he would consider too gloat-y for himself. but the producer is right, it gets to pack a punch, it gets to be a little bit self-important. somehow having the external confirmation makes it easier to write those lyrics without feeling like a fraud. it’s still his, his writing, his song.

with the last tweaks done they’re quick to get to recording. they’re still on a time crunch as jaewon’s manager reminds him (jaewon likes the man well enough but dear lord would he never let him forget). it's one of the last songs on the album to be recorded after all and at this point, they are cutting it close.

with everything else he needs done, all jaewon has left to do is fine tune the song, the last tweaks and sounds to be added like missing puzzle pieces now he has the bigger picture pretty much laid out in front of him, polishing and detailing it to elevate the song worth of something to be released on an album.

the instrumental is already pretty hectic, fully intentional of course, but with a proper, clear recording it’s easier to spot the empty gaps, spaces to add the last finishing touches. he adds more brass, less grande and dramatic than the ones in the pre-chorus, curling around the edges of the chorus to round them up neatly and as if to scale down again for the verses, still fast paced but somewhat a breath of fresh air between one chorus and the other.

he delays the part at the opening before the brass and bass kick in, a silence before the storm feels even if the hyperactive stuttering beat is already there, he considers taking that out at first too but the point kind of is that it is more or less omnipresent, it’s always there even when there is nothing else much, like the anxiety that feels permanently stuck to his head.

there is also the addition of an extra melodic line, lingering behind that main, slightly headache inducing electronic synth. it doesn’t really stand out, especially not compared to it’s main competitor but it does remain prevalent in the few parts the main instrumental motif is nowhere to be found, giving it small moments to shine. it serves a clear function, or to jaewon listening ear at least (maybe he’s overanalyzing at this point). the little bounces of the electronic beat all over the place keep up the pace of the song, making sure its explosive nature prevails over the dark dreary undertones of the bassline and brass sections, giving it an overall dynamic feel.

it takes some fiddling, jaewon pulls something close to an all-nighter to finish up the song with the sheer amount of detail he ends up focussing on but by the time he sends it in, he has a good feeling about it at least.

when he presents the final product to the head producer, there are no more suggestions. it’s good, and it’s all his own work.

[shroudedhero]

Mobile Friendly Rules

Since I did it for Kurai’s info, here’s the rules (the updated ones)

THESE ARE JUST A FEW GENERAL THINGS I FEEL ARE IMPORTANT TO BE ADDRESSED BEFORE I GO ANY FURTHER, SO PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO READ THEM.

I know they seem long but some of it is also just information I thought was important for you to know before interacting with me. NOTE: THERE IS A PASSWORD FOR THIS BLOG DUE TO SEVERAL PAST BAD EXPERIENCES WITH UNTAGGED TRIGGERS (and it is the ONLY reason I have a password. I won’t throw a fit if you don’t send it, but I do usually feel more comfortable if you do).

Also another small, but extremely important note beforehand: Due to my autism, I tend to try to be extra clear (but also sometimes manage to be less clear in the process), or in my head it is clear, but to other people, it comes across entirely differently, but I’ve been informed this makes my rules sometimes come across as more aggressive, exclusionary, or mean. So I will say this now. I am actually a MASSIVE fluffball. Quite literally. The tone they come across is mainly due to overexplaining however I have tried to edit them and have yet to find a way to redefine my rules in better wording that I am happy with and that feels like it covers everything while actually being properly clear (but whenever I finally think of the right wording, I usually update my rules). So just approach them with the knowledge I am actually legitimately a sweetheart and my brain just sucks at actually wording stuff.

If you followed me over here when I moved Kurai’s BNHA verse to this blog, I removed and edited a couple of rules so please read through them again.

- ★ First and most important thing is that the mun has a very serious cannibalism trigger, which includes ANY form of people being eaten (including animals or monsters or any such other creatures eating people). (Excluding vampires, as that doesn’t typically involve the eating of human flesh, and rather simply blood itself (I am COMPLETELY fine with blood and general dark and gorey things). Zombies however, are included). As such, please tag all SNK or Hannibal related posts with such things in them, even the ones without such scenes in them, due to the fact that these two shows/fandoms are the reason I learned I have this trigger, and so the entire thing now can cause my trigger due to association, and memory connection to it. Also I ask that you tag any other shows/fandoms/gifs with such things in them as well. Please and thank you very much. My blacklisted tags are: SNK, Shingeki No Kyojin, Attack On Titan, AoT, tokyo ghoul, tg, Hannibal, Cannibalism, tw: cannibalism, parasyte, tokyo ghoul, twd, the walking dead, walking dead, zombies, and hunting trophies.  Any form of these (capitalization does not matter, however spaces do) will be caught by my blacklist, so I would appreciate it if you’d use one of these for those posts (though I am also happy to add other tags to it as well if you have a specific system you use already). Also suggestions for other possible blacklist tags that I may have forgotten are much appreciated. Also as an added note, I will not follow, RP with, or associate in ANY WAY, any blogs that have to do with my triggers. (Multi-muse blogs can sometimes be okay, this more applies to blogs that post SPECIFICALLY about the fandoms that trigger me). If you are a multi-muse blog that has characters from these fandoms, all I ask is that you be sure to tag them with the fandom they are from, with one of the tags in my list, and tag any of the triggers. We’ll be perfectly fine if you do! If you don’t, I may eventually unfollow, just to avoid seeing unintentionally triggering content.

- Secondly, I am open to RPing smut, (either aged up, or not, since whether we like it or not, teenagers do indeed end up doing it), however it likely will not happen much since this muse is underage, and will only happen if both myself and the other mun are okay with it and have agreed to it. (Again, chances are slim.) I do prefer however if our smut RPs are placed under a read more, if at all possible.

- ★ I am autistic. I know I don’t seem like it at first, and sometimes it’s hard to tell, however I am, and I also have ADHD, and it does affect the way my mind works with things. Sometimes having things done certain ways makes all the difference between if I can do something or if I can’t. If it sounds like I want to do something, but seem to struggle with figuring out how, please feel free to make suggestions, or start the thing yourself! It’s actually REALLY helpful when I get stuck. My being autistic can also affect who I can roleplay with, and how I roleplay, and how I think. Please keep this in mind, and try to be understanding. If something bothers you, or you don’t understand something, just ask me! I’ll do my best to explain, or fix it.

- Though it may not always seem like it, I am VERY shy and awkward. I’m actually legitimately terrified of new people, and trying to talk to people I haven’t spoken to before, or very much yet, almost makes me feel like I’m going to have a panic attack. If you want to RP with me, please message me! Chances are I’d LOVE to chat with you and RP with you, I’m just too terrified to talk to you.

- I struggle with chronic depression, and sometimes I may disappear for a while if I have a spell that gets particularly bad. Please be patient with me, as I will never forget about you and will always return. Also since it needs to be said, I also have EXTREME, doctor diagnosed anxiety. Sometimes it gets the better of me. Same with depression. Sometimes I have bad days. So I vent, and get frustrated with things. Little things bother me a lot more than they would on a normal day. If you can’t handle that or are going to be a hypocrite about it then please just leave right now. I don’t need your negativity. I have enough unwanted of that in my head as it is, which I combat and fight against every day.

- I am a multiship/multiverse blog, however my muse will be very selective with shipping for the time being however I am still happy to discuss ships and will happily consider them. Also a note, that I will ship with multiples of the same character, if the mun of those blogs wishes to ship with me. I find each relationship is different, seeing as each mun plays their character a little differently.

- I will do crossovers sometimes with fandoms I am familiar with. Crossovers always depend on my mood and how well my muse can interact with a character, as well as how well I know the series the character is from. Please forgive me if I choose not to roleplay a specific crossover. I still like you, I promise. If you’re unsure if I know your fandom, just ask! I do know of a lot of fandoms, so there’s a good chance I might.

- I ship based on chemistry. Sometimes I can develop a ship quickly, especially if I know the other muse’s personality well, and know they will mesh well with mine. Other times, a ship takes time for me to develop. Please be understanding and patient with me on this.

- Do NOT under any circumstances, force a ship on me. I am usually quite good at expressing ships I am okay with, and it will usually show in my writing. If you are unsure if I ship something or not, feel free to send me a message and ask me. Most of my characters have their own way of showing interest in someone, however most are usually pretty clear in expressing it in some way. Sending memes for interaction is fine for anyone whether we have interacted or not, and I will usually reply to those, however do not force a ship on me outside of that. If one develops between our characters, then fine. However that is a MUTUAL thing, so I do not take kindly to someone just deciding something is a thing. If you want to try to build one between our characters, then go ahead. Just please show me respect. That is the biggest and most important thing with me, is respect.

- I will write anything from 1 liners to multi-paragraphs when I RP. I usually stick to 1 or two shortish paragraphs, and that tends to fluctuate or shrink depending on how much information is needed to describe a scene. If we start out with a shorter paragraph, and I make a reply a fair bit longer, I will likely revert back to the shorter paragraph again within 1 or 2 replies. However you are welcome to write however you wish, just as long as you can give me something to go on. (A one liner in response to a 10 line paragraph for example, I will struggle to reply to.)

- I do not tolerate anon hate of any kind. Not towards myself, nor towards others. I will respond to it in a way that will make the sender feel rather like an idiot, and I am very smart and capable of doing so, so please be advised of that, if you intend to do so.

- I will RP more violent NSFW RPs, and other dark topics (I absolutely LOVE angst), however ONLY as long as I am in the mood for them. The mun of this blog is (well) over 18. Everything though that might be triggering, will be tagged, and if there is something that you need me to tag, or if I forget to tag something, please feel free to tell me. Just try to do so right away or else I can forget which RPs or replies to tag depending how long it goes since I posted it. My memory is pretty fickle with what it chooses to remember without some nudging.

- ★ I am better at roleplaying ships with males (BoyxBoy/Yaoi/etc), due to being more familiar with it and having more experience with it ((as I myself am very very very gay, and also trans (which is where the issues with writing about female parts makes me very uncomfortable comes from) )). I may however attempt to ship romantically with female characters, but please keep in mind it is something I am not as good at or as comfortable with, so if in the end, I decide I am unable to do so, please be understanding of this. (Especially if smut is included in the ship. I cannot smut with female characters, sorry.)

- I am slightly fickle about things I can reply to. I try very hard to reply to everything, however one thing I am not good at, is sudden changes in roleplays. As much as I hate to admit it, and try to pretend it isn’t true, and even though I am quite good at managing it most times, I am autistic, (high functioning form of autism) and that is one of the few issues I struggle with the most. If you sense a roleplay is changing directions, please hint at it to me in the tags or something the reply before it does, since even that small little hint can be enough to help keep me from having to drop an RP. Even if you are unsure if it will or not, letting me know that you think it MIGHT possibly happen (since we don’t control our characters) is a huge help to me. This particular issue is the main reason that 95% of my dropped threads end up dropped. And I always feel terrible when it happens, so please help me to get better at this.

- I can be slow sometimes (or often) with asks or replies. This usually happens because of my muse being fickle or me thinking a meme or ask prompt would be fun, however sometimes when I actually get them, my muse decides to just be like NOPE. Also sometimes I tend to forget things, or leave stuff in my askbox to reply to later, and then I forget about it or get distracted. If this happens, I apologize. Please try to be understanding of this, since I will NEVER ignore you or your asks on purpose. (The only case where it would be ignored is if it is something stated in my rules that I cannot respond to, that you obviously failed to read or are attempting to do anyway.) I do reblog things with the INTENT to answer EVERYTHING that shows up in my inbox, however my intentions don’t always pan out.

- I do not do the reblog from the source thing (not consistently anyway). I used to try to do it every single time (if I notice it), though now, I am sorry but I have had so many anxiety attacks due to my attention span which I cannot help due to having ADHD, and accidentally reblogging memes and such from someone who has that rule without even realizing it as I am scrolling down the dash because I don’t even realize who reblogged the meme, and then panicking because I realize it later, or get yelled at over it. I follow at least like 30+ meme blogs and the majority of memes on my dash tend to be from the source, so sometimes I don’t notice! Roleplay for me needs to remain stress free, because stress can trigger a major/serious depression spell and as of recently I FINALLY am stable emotionally. So please forgive me if I don’t bother with it. Because I probably won’t do it (consistently anyway).

Next topic of discussion.

Concerning OCs and shipping with them (Please see this post for some further clarification on this, since this is the part that I have the most issue with making clear, though I really do try):

- I am in fact OC supportive! Though when it comes to RPing with them, I can be extremely picky, and cautious. This has nothing to do with whether your OC is great or well developed or not. My brain annoyingly happens to have trouble connecting to a lot of characters, both OC and canon, but it just seems to be more common with other people’s OCs. HOWEVER, just because I might not RP with your OC, doesn’t mean I won’t secretly stalk them from the dash and read your interactions because I think they’re amazing.

- I WILL NOT ship my muses with other OCs, unless they are extremely well developed. This is simply because unless I personally can form some form of an an emotional connection/understanding to/of a character, my own muse will be unable to do so as well. (This can also apply to canon characters as well, so it is not simply limited to OCs).

- I am also very picky with RPing with other OCs, because of the same reason stated above. I will however roleplay with them sometimes, and do not in any way dislike them. I rather love OCs, and the diversity and color they bring to fandoms, and I actually have lots of OCs of my own for different fandoms, I just cannot always connect to them, and in those cases, I will not be able to roleplay with them. I apologize. HOWEVER. If possible, I will happily do platonic RPs with OCs that my muses happen to click with.

The types of characters/OCs I am usually unable to roleplay with, are the following, which includes a list of reasons why:

- ★ OCs that are not connected to any fandom in particular/Multifandom OCs. Basically as I like to call them, floaters or drifters. I may attempt to roleplay with these. It can still be iffy, because my brain can sometimes make stuff more difficult than it actually is or needs to be, and it depends on each particular OC, but as I have recently been developing a fandomless OC myself, I find my understanding of them has grown a bit. That said, sometimes I need to be able to connect them with something, as each fandom has a specific world to them. I need a consistent, solid world anchor to be able to understand the character, which drifters don’t have, so I can struggle to RP with them. I’m willing to try though!

- OCs from fandoms I am unfamiliar with. If I don’t know what sort of world/background your character comes from, it leaves me guessing too much and confused. I have attempted to roleplay with them anyway in the past and it just doesn’t work.

- OCs with very little backstory and information, or with a confusing one, or even with none at all. In essence, poorly made OCs. I need info to RP with you. At least seriously. So sorry. I need to be able to understand your character at least a little, since I don’t do good with “lets play a guessing game” or “I literally have no idea what I’m doing” or “what the hell is going on” sort of RPs, and I have never been good at them, and so I need clear, concise information on your character.

- Canonically (or noncanon since this is an OC as well) unknown family member OCs. Whether it’s a sibling for my character or for someone else’s that was never mentioned in canon, I just can’t. (If you want to RP a family member of my character that I have mentioned in my character’s info, please ask me beforehand as I usually have an idea already of what their family member is like, but usually I will be okay with that as long as you ask me first before just going ahead and doing it.) I’ve never been able to RP with them, for a multitude of reasons, one of the main being they often end up reminding me of the bad version of self inserts or genderbends. I have been unsuccessful at breaking this way of thinking towards them despite attempting to many times, and so I just cannot do it, personally. I am sorry.

Important reminder: Please note that I suck at explaining this somewhat, and just because my brain struggles with roleplaying with certain characters does not mean I dislike your muse or think they suck! I can think your OC is absolutely AMAZING and they can be SUPER well written and developed and I can want to interact but my brain is just dumb and if I try to my brain just refuses. These SAME issues can happen with canon characters too, I have simply noticed it more with other OCs, thus the specific section for them.

Those are all the ones I can think of right now. I am very sorry to anyone who has one of these and wants to RP with me, however I simply cannot do it, personally. I’m sure there are plenty of other people out there though who would love to RP with you even though I cannot, and just because I will not RP with you doesn’t mean I dislike you or your character. I’d be happy to still be friends with you, I just won’t be able to RP with you. I’m someone who needs to be able to connect to the character I am roleplaying with on at least SOME level, for my character to be able to connect to them as well, so if I am unable to do that then I am unable to roleplay with them. (This can include as well, the WAY someone roleplays, since if there is no emotion or thought or description in replies, it gives me nothing to go on and connect to, and leaves me unable to respond, even if I WANT to RP with you.)

★ I hate to have to do this (and I never used to have a password), however I have had A LOT of trouble with people not reading and following my rules in the past, and or speaking about or talking about/not tagging my major trigger, so if you have read my rules, please inbox me with “Catshark” (I prefer Inbox over IMs for the password so I can keep track forever of who sent it in). I ask this of people because it also helps a lot with my anxiety, and keeps me from wondering and worrying in the back of my mind if I might actually get triggered by something. I know it can be tedious to do this extra step, and I hate that I even had to add this step in the first place, however after years of roleplaying, and dealing with people, it became necessary due to several bad past experiences in tumblr fandoms. It was not added on a whim, so please take the time to do so. Also, I do understand that you probably follow a hundred blogs that all have their own rules, so if you forget stuff, that’s okay! I do it too. The password is just so I know it is safe for me to approach you and remind you of something if you do forget. Otherwise, I tend to sit here and kind of panic about if I can mention something to you (it has happened before that someone who didn’t send it in and came across friendly bit my head off when I asked them to tag something), and it means I am more likely to unfollow or stop interacting, or even block you eventually due to my anxiety. And I don’t want that to happen over a silly misunderstanding.

There may be more added to this later if I think of something. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

[quonit37]

NEW POST IDEA!

Back in January 2019 that thing finally posted and uhhh crap! now i dont know what to edit for every single thousand post milestone! So here is a new post. This time I’m just going to set it for January 2020 because 2020 is a damn weird year name (it’s close i hate it WHY) and also because i wanna do that monthly art thing where i post whatever art i drew that month. See i used to get 1000 more posts every... lot of months but it kinda just became monthly. WHOOP DEE DOO.

This is literally the first day of the year so i have nothing to post (oh nooo) but once I get 13,000 then I can edit with this info for January. anyways hi 2020 from the past, I’ll never know you because by the time im in 2020 I’m not me from now so hell with it.

This is the template I’ll be using for all of the posts:

[Blank] Post Update

Date: whatever date it is

Followers: how many followers i have at the moment

Profile picture: picture of the new profile picture and a description with it, unless it is the same as the last entree.

Special Interest: whatever my special interest is.

Art: picture of the art of the month. This can be edited later if needed, just remember to include the date.

~Extra Stuff~

Whatever else you wanna say. also new rule you have to tag with post with every and any fandom/thing it has to do with along with characters. just for fun.

YOU CAN PRESS J TO SKIP POSTS.

13,000 Post Update

Date: 1/23/2019

Followers: 173

Profile picture: You know what im changing it right now

Special Interest: Ladyverse and Underverse. Second one because im rewatching it with error.

Art: ALRIGHT SO HERE’S THE THING. Earlier this month my pen broke. Alright sure. I get a new pen AND THEN MY TABLET BROKE. While waiting to get enough money for a new one I drew a bunch traditionally but never finished anything (like for example with the copic drawings, I just didnt have the recources). I did get two drawings done recently though and I did add more to the Zombie David comic. So for now I’ll link the two drawings I did but If i do anything better later on I want to go back and edit this post.

Obsidian

Rainbow Quartz

Edit 2/3/2019: Okay so uhhh ya those two count for that month haha.

~Extra Stuff~

ahhh I’ve gotten a lot of drawings done and I’m sick and my eye i can see through is really red and I’m tired. I’m working on the brush quest and the panel I did for the David comic today deleted itself. I’m allowing my future self to edit this later.

14,000 Post Update

Date: I’m late but it’s 3/12/2019

Followers: 186- I HAVE A LOT MORE THAN I THOUGHT HOLY SHIT

Profile picture: same as last time.

Special Interest: Damn a lot was missed. Uhhh Sanses and Gaynote

Art: For February:

One of these three. The first one I was just working in my normal art style to draw something Contestshippy for Valentines. I feel like that is what I would normally put here and be like “put 100% best” but I wanted in 2019 to experiment with more coloring and tools so I’m very happy with the second one too even though I didn’t spend as much time on it and it was a collab. The third one is with copics and I like how I experimented more with gel pens and with actual markers.

For March:

I drew this for Error’s 21st birthday and I could not BELEIVE the difference between this drawing and the first Gaynote drawing. It’s uncanny.

~Extra Stuff~

I made my blog @the-kk-crow a sans blog and opened it to the public. I’m trying to get over my anxiety over showing this blog to other people. After Gaynote was deemed “the less dumb AU” I was pretty sure that that meant the sanses won’t be the dumbest either. I’m trying!

15,000 Post Update

Date: 4/10/2019

Followers: 193

Profile picture: 

Special Interest: Sans AUs still ;-;

Art: After I made the march picture I actually made a buuuuunch more art. I’ll still consider that one the march picture. It’s still early in April but here is my picture at the moment:

I wanted to tell unu about the ship name pastel pallet I have for them but I didn't want to just tell her by just private messaging so I drew a picture... and it looks GREAT.

I had a hard time coloring it because I was originally using five colors and purple wasn’t working as a good replacement for black but I was trying anyway. I started coloring Pale and reaaaally wanted to use different colors at that point and realized brown is a much better replacement black then purple is. I still kept some purple on Template though because it looked nicer that way. Also found out Pale’s source color scheme is... very light and all of his colors were available to be used.

I made like 100 more adjustments with the help of a bunch of random non-artists just throwing ideas of stuff to change and see how it looked. Then I put a pink filter on it and was doneeee.

But yeas very pretty.

~Extra Stuff~

Still trying other coloring stuff and trying to finish my projects. Got somebody to help on the David comic so I’m working on the Deltapocalypes one. I also put the ghost stuff on hold because I’m busy and don’t want to feel bad about it. Also, I'm gonna make a visual novel of AU bullshit lol.

(hey where the fuck did the line thing go)

6000 Post Update

Date: 5/30/2019 but I should’ve updated this sooner

Followers: 201

Profile picture: Same as last time

Special Interest: snas/ladyverse (im still on about the fucking sanses? STILL?)

Art: I draw so much now I don’t have a clue what to put here. I got a bunch of copics for my birthday, so I finished some drawings and did one (this one), and as for digital art, I’m really not sure.

Maybe this thing? Not because it’s really special or anything I just had a lot of fun talking about it to people because it’s sans, its swap sanses, but they are from different swap universes, and one of them has been swapped a second time, and it's really dumb.

~Extra Stuff~

I updated this post late. Oh well. The birthday was good, tree gave me music and Error gave me fanfic.

7000 Post Update

Date: 6/29/2019

Followers: 203

Profile picture: 

Special Interest: STILL AU SANSES JFC

Art: Probably both DX comics. (1) (2)

~Extra Stuff~

I finished the fic for Error, I have Unu 5$, I have Zar 1$, I’m working on a Dreamtale sans ghost, and I got bardic’s birthday gift done. Didn’t make picture of the month but still good.

-

18,000 Post Update

Date: 9/1/2019. I reached it long before but the edit I made deleted itself and I didn’t want to go and remake what I had written.

Followers: 204

Profile picture: I made a swap Gaynote AU and found out that black and white is a viable way to draw

Special Interest: I finally got over the fucking sanses and instead turned to a much more socially acceptable interest The Legend of Zelda. I do not like my interests being widely known and accepted I’d rather go back and hide in my little garbage hole of obscurity. 

Art: What the hell did I even draw in August let me see- wait wait this one wins hands down

https://quonitsartblog.tumblr.com/post/186776248094/so-she-ras-been-getting-pretty-good Season 3 was really good btw. I also started bwb but it doesn’t look as nice.

Also, I finished my commission sheet because Dad stole our house and I have no money hahahaha anyways yes commissions

~Extra Stuff~

agggg I don’t even know I bought a 30$ book for 18$ and started Twilight princess because I basically finished botw.

19,000 Post Update

Date: 10/5/2019

Followers: 203, cause I blocked porn bots

Profile picture: Same as last time

Special Interest: tloz? probably?

Art: ooo I finally finished this thing that counts

https://quonitsartblog.tumblr.com/post/188142166079/so-this-is-what-ive-been-spending-the-last-month I spent over a month on it. It’s very good

~Extra Stuff~

I decided to start a project for the ladies’ 10th anniversary. I dunno how much I will finish of it though

20,000 Post Update

Date: 12/12/2019

Followers: 209

Profile picture: Same as last time

Special Interest: Uh

sanses. Have been for the entire last month too I just wouldn’t admit it.

Art: November:

I-

Did I draw anything last month? Obviously, but no finished art. School + Nanowrimo got in the way. There are some doodles I really like though so I’m gonna dig a few up.

I redid this meme after 10 months

Yes the daycare stuff does count as doodles because I’m not putting much effort into it

December

It’s not over yet so IDK but

Maybe I was lying about not putting effort into it

~Extra Stuff~

I forgot to add this part sry

[cbapk]

Okay, so, I’ve been doing writing commissions via one of my other blogs for like a year and my first dip into it worked out pretty well, but I figured I could probably make a little more money doing them over here too. This is basically the exact same post as the one on my other blog, just rewritten to better reflect this blog.

☆Writing Examples☆

Example #1: From “Trial and Error”, my baby and the longest work I have ever written (and it’s still going, wow). If you’ve been here for a while, you already know that T&E is rife with sensitive content and the warnings should be heeded.

Example #2: From “Dead Man Walking”, another baby of mine that is... Pending an update. It’s totally sfw as far as sexual content or gore go at the moment, though. Worst thing you’ll encounter is some stuff I tagged wrong (D.I.D. that isn’t necessarily actually D.I.D.) and need to re-tag in a more accurate way, honestly.

☆Will☆

Pretty much anything.

This does include OCs/Self-Inserts, Self-Shipping, etc.

In fact I encourage OCs/Self-Inserts, and Self-Shipping!

NSFW is also allowed. On principle I won’t ask you to prove your age because I feel it’s an invasion of privacy but please do not commission me for sexual content if you are under 18.

Oneshots!

☆Will Not☆

Black Mirror (tv series)

Big Mouth (tv series)

P*dophilia

Inc*st

Anything blatantly transphobic, homophobic, racist, or otherwise exclusionary.

Fart kink.

Chapter fics

☆Why?☆

In order:

Show grossed me out or triggered me

I’m not touching p*do or inc*st with lava-proof gloves, babe.

I’m not an exclusionary asshole.

However, if you can provide to me a legitimate reason why I should write this (ie, it’s a reflection of something that happened to you, it’s a narrative you think needs to be seen to spread awareness, the excluded character overcomes the exclusion in the end, etc...) I will potentially make an exception.

It’s really just not my thing and I’ve written it before but I’m not keen on doing it again.

I just don’t have the time or the focus right now to work on anything multi-chapter outside of personal projects and older commissions from the last batch that I’m still finishing up.

☆Fandoms☆

Put incredibly simply, if I can get a healthy understanding of it through research it in under two hours, I’ll write it.

If I already have a healthy understanding, I’ll write it.

If I do not already have a healthy understanding and cannot gain that understanding through research in under two hours, we might just have to get back to each other when I’m up for more than two hour research sessions. At this time I can’t really spend more than two hours researching anything.

I also write ORIGINAL COMMISSIONS, not just FANDOM COMMISSIONS, so if you’ve got an original idea you’d like me to try writing, hit me up.

☆Prices☆

Oneshot (1K words or less) = $5USD. Price increases by $5 per 1000 words. (2K - $10, 3K - $15, etc). Discounts begin at 10K words.

I don’t apply a charge for time spent working or any sort of sales tax, so the prices you see are the prices you’ll pay no matter what.

Discounts no longer offered at 5K words because I need all the money I can get.

☆Payment☆

I’m willing to work with clients on payment if need be.

I will ask for half the base price upfront and the rest after completion, primarily to ensure I actually get paid for my work and that you are getting what you want out of the deal, since I am open at all stages of writing to changes you may want to make, within reason.

To clarify: $2.50 upfront, then the rest of the full price on completion.

If you want to pay the full price upfront, I’m cool with that too!

☆Refunds & Additional Words☆

If you decide you no longer want your commission before I finish it, tell me and I’ll do my best to refund what you’ve paid me. If you decide you don’t want it after I’ve finished it, I will retain the upfront payment to cover time spent working.

If you decide you don’t want your commission solely for money purposes, let me know, because I would be happy to simply shelf it for the time being and come back to it whenever the time comes that money is no longer an issue. In this case as well I will retain the upfront payment.

Additionally, should you decide after I’ve finished off a commission that you’d like it to be longer, that can definitely be arranged! I do charge for the additional words but it’s at the same rates as normal. So, basically if you get 3K and decide you want it to be about 4K instead, you can do that, and I’ll throw the additional $5 for the extra 1K on top of your total - no extra surcharges.

I accept payments via my PayPal, but other methods of payment can be discussed if needed.

☆Special Offers☆

For no extra cost, I will doodle a title page for your commission!

For $5USD each, I will add simple sketch illustrations to your commission.

For $10USD each, I will add mono-color lineart illustrations to your commission.

For $15USD each, I will add full color illustrations to your commission.

You do not have to accept special offers, they’re just there for people who might want them.

☆Estimated Completion Time☆

Between a couple of hours to a couple of days per project*, depending on what else is going on in my life and how much of my focus I can afford to devote at a time.

*I can be bribed to prioritize one commission at a time, thereby decreasing completion time in most cases. This costs $5.

☆Contact Info☆

If you’re interested in a commission, I can be reached here:

via my DMs

via email at thepuppetwolf@gmail.com OR fusedaesthetic@gmail.com

I check my emails 4 times a day and my DMs at least twice a day, so if I don’t get back to you immediately don’t get discouraged. I’ll likely get back to you within a day unless I’m having internet issues.

☆Openings☆

Oneshot Commissions: 7/8* Available

Priority Commissions: 1/1** Available

*Each slot accounts for 1 work, with a 20K word limit on each.

**Again, this is something you pay me for to get your commission done faster.

☆What You’re Helping Me Do By Commissioning Me☆

Under the cut since it’s not super pertinent but I figured I’d be kinda transparent about what I’d be using the money for.

(This list is subject to change but usually composed of the same stuff. Last updated 11/14/19.)

Get Married

Pay Bills

Buy Food and other household supplies

[i-am-parsec]

Unaddressed Letters - Part I

                                                                                                              11/07/2018

It’s been fifty-eight days since you went missing.

That’s how I make sense of the passing of time now - I don’t care about the date, only about how long you’ve been gone. No need to look at the calendar either. I just…know. It’s the first thing that comes to mind as soon as I wake up. It’s almost a routine now.

Open my eyes. Add one more day. Get out of bed. Try to smile for the kids. Fail miserably.  Go to work. Come back. Pick up the kids. Make dinner. Try to eat. Put them to bed. Try to sleep. Try to sleep. Try to sleep. Try to sleep. Try to sleep.

Eventually, fall asleep.

And repeat.

I know it’s not healthy but it’s not like I can help it.

Diane, the new girl at work, she’s pretty nice, nicer than most people there at least and she suggested I write everything down. What for, I’m not sure but she says that it’ll be good for me, that it’s “therapeutic”. I can’t afford actual therapy - and everyone insists I need it - so I guess Diane’s odd advice will have to make do.

She didn’t suggest writing this sort-of-letter to…someone. But somehow, this feels less weird than just keeping a depressing diary that I didn’t even want to write in the first place. This almost feels like it has a purpose, like…you may actually read it.

Nonsense, I know.

Don’t worry about the kids. Henrik looks after them while I’m at work. He says he doesn’t mind, that he actually enjoys it. I can tell he does. Every night, when I go pick them up, he has the biggest smile on his face, even when he’s covered in baby food and glitter. One time I had to make up some extra hours, I didn’t get off until midnight and rushed to the Doc’s house but the kids were already fast asleep in his bed.

He looked the happiest I’ve ever since him since…she left.

He suggested the kids and I spend the night there and I was too tired to drive back home, so we did. He looked like his old self. Full of energy even after a long day or work and babysitting. We had dinner, some leftover pasta he had cooked for the kids and some wine. He told me how he read them bedtime stories and tucked them in. He said those moments of tired smiles and good night kisses were what he missed the most. He tried to hide the tears, but I saw it anyway.

I saw how much he was hurting. How much I hurt you.

Don’t think for a second I didn’t know I was breaking you heart. It broke mine as well. Leaving was the hardest decision I ever had to take and you know better than anyone else in this world; that that’s saying something. I had no choice. You weren’t yourself anymore. I prayed to God, to the Universe, to whatever the fuck was out there for things to go back to normal…you only got worse. I couldn’t help you anymore. I had to think of the kids.

But I’m not writing this to explain myself. Actually, I don’t even know why I’m writing. Anyway…

I wanted to get back in touch with Sean, hoping he could give some information; anything to help the police but his friends don’t like me being around him much. I make them nervous. It’s been so hard for Sean to get back to normal, they see me as threat to his fragile stability. I get it. So I try to stay away. This people, despite their angry looks and harsh voices, are only looking after him. Doing what I should have done for you, but was too afraid to.

I can almost hear your voice telling me to not be so hard on myself…but we both know it’s true. I was too weak. When you needed me the most, I left. With or without a good reason, I still think I shouldn’t have, that maybe if I stayed, you would be here now. With your children. With me.

Remember prom night? The rain, the cold, you and I under the tiny bus stop holding each other and pretending we weren’t freezing to death. You said “You know what? Fuck them. Fuck all of them. And fuck this place. We are getting the fuck out of here tonight”.

You went on and on about how much you hated everyone in our shitty town and how you had enough money saved and how we could just buy some tickets to literally anywhere because anywhere would be better than here and how our parents weren’t going to even bother looking for us because they wouldn’t notice or care we were gone and how you just wanted me to please, please stop crying because you were going to make it all better and you were never going to leave me and you were always going to love me and take care of me and make me happy and…

You hugged me until it stopped raining. And then we used some of those quite small savings for an amazing breakfast at our favorite diner. From that day on, I knew we were going to do all that. One day we were going to get out of that hell.

And we eventually did. We did it, Chase, so wherever you are now…I know you can get out of there too.

More info, all chapters and tag list under the cut

All chapters in chronological order, here. Previous chapter, here. Next chapter, here. 

Huge thanks to my dear beta-reader @donkey2323, I literally can not explain you how much I appreciate your help and your kindness! And thanks to anyone who actually took the time to read this, if you liked it, please let me know by commenting or reblogging ♡

Also tagging @fruitycasket, @nydacthings and @believeinasmilinggodtoday, since you guys liked my post where I asked if you’d like a fanfic about Chase and Stacy’s relationship :)

If you got all the way down here, thank you so much for reading, hope you enjoyed it! If you did, please reblog, that helps me a lot ❤

[rashadfenbury-blog]

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[marianogholson-blog]

Convert APE To MP3 Format And Break Up It To Specific Individual Tracks Using CUE

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[echo2themoon-art-music-games]

A new game like love Nikki is in development! I downloaded the early release of it and so far, I love it! It’s called, Love & Fashion ootd! It’s more like a mixture of love Nikki and Line play. - you get a house, a garden, and a housekeeper! You get to dress up the housekeeper however you like and take pictures with them as well - you can also talk to other players and explore some of the communities to search for treasure, which you can then use as points to claim certain items for limited costumes.

There’s a daily log in bonus, too. Just like in love Nikki. -- There’s also a feature just like the mystery house which gives you 1-2 free pulls each day! 

In the game’s story, you not only do you get to dress your character up but also your housekeeper, and NPCs as well.

It also has an arena feature like love Nikki where you get to walk around and battle other players. I feel like while this game copies a lot of elements of love Nikki it also makes a lot of improvements and does enough to stand out on its own.

For example. In love Nikki, you may have different skin option ( albeit very limited ) but you can only use makeup that goes along with that skin. You can also be penalized if that skin doesn’t match the theme of the challenge. In love & fashion, any makeup option goes with any skin option. So if I have a dark skin option, I can use any future make-up for it and have it match. Which is totally awesome!

I have also found that you do not get points taken away if you choose another skin color. This may change in later stages but so far, points don’t move up or down if you change your characters skin, at least from the visible point meter in story mode.

This is great because it truly allows you to have freedom with your character where love Nikki heavily focused on the lightest skin type and only gave one make-up type each for other skins unless certain events gave you more, but there really no options in the clothing store to buy make-up for other skin types besides the default skin. This was always an issue because for these sort of dress up games the makeup also changes facial features, eyes, and expressions so you were quite often left with just a plain smiling face if you wanted a darker skin tone. Plus, if that skin tone was highly rated, but the face that goes with it wasn’t, what you would often see is a mixture of a dark face and mismatched skin and vice versa in order to win a match or challenge. It made for some absurdly looking outfits but it also kept things from looking streamlined if you wanted other options for your avatar look or actually wanted your avatar to reflect you.

What love & fashion does is correct this issue and allows more customization and inclusivity to be featured in their game for a more global approach. I’m not sure just how many different skin types they may in the game, currently, but the fact that so far, any makeup/face will match any skin type already offers far more customization options than what love Nikki currently has in this particular issue. 

Other features this game has is an in-game chatting option. I haven’t talked to many people yet but I feel it definitely helps to add more of a community to pass the time with or quickly ask players game related questions. Adding friends is simple and there seems to be quite a few options I haven’t fully looked into yet in terms of in-game player base.

There’s a “bond” feature which I haven’t selected yet. But what I can gather is that you select an in-game player to be your partner and then in that you two help one another out in dailys. If you want to break the bond it seems as though you have to spend diamonds to buy a potion to break a bond with your current partner. I haven’t really delved into this feature yet so I don’t know much about it.

There’s also a garden you can plant and harvest in. I don’t know much about this portion of the game yet except that the plants you choose to plant and harvest give you items for crafting. Crafting seems to be just as big as love Nikki when it comes to costumes so it’s nice you get a little extra help in gathering materials.

Speaking of costumes. There’s quite a bit of them in this game. I’ve only been playing literally just a day but I haven’t been able to put it down. You can choose costumes you like and put them in your collection. You can also comment on those same outfit sets and like other players comments as well. -- crafting costumes to advance in the story seems a bit more streamlined. You can quickly hit the back option, to get back to the crafting menu when choosing specific missions to grind/ harvest specific items for certain stages. I was able to make a mission costume, the one featured above, in no time flat as the game lets me go back and forth to different mission stages for crafting baboo breeze, all while allowing me to stay in the current mission challenge I was doing that this costume was for. Love and fashion has a quick match feature, just like in love Nikki, so I can easily just hit that without doing the whole mission again. It also has a “top score” button as well! 

You get a house pretty early on in the game. The plain cream color picture in this is basically how the house starts out like and the blue wallpaper that is decked out one is how my house looks now. It’s quite easy to rearrange furniture and buy items for the store. You use the same money you would buy clothes with for furniture. You can also win/unlock furniture as well by just playing the game. Some items you can interact with and sometimes you will get a prompt to do so. When you do, you are awarded with in-game currency. Other players can also visit your home and rate it and gift you flowers. If you don’t want anyone to visit though you can set a house password and only friends to come to see it.

Your avatar itself can have a popularity rating. How this really works or purpose of it, I’m not really sure, but there is a ranking system for both the arena and just regular outfits, so this may perhaps play into that. for your profile, you can set up a tagline, your sign, and a title. Titles are awarded to you by what you accomplish in the game, so you do get quite a bit of bragging rights for avatars profile!

A few last final notes about the mobile dress up game, Love & Fashion...

 Atheistically, this game looks great. All the characters have a bit of a bounce and motion to them, you can also take group photos and change the facial expressions of the characters before you take a photo of them, you also get two free backgrounds at the start of the game to pose in front of. The rest are unlocked by diamonds. 

Clothes seem to clip on correctly and have a depth to them, in the accessory section of the dress up portion of the game, you can often times be in the same category and select multiple things to be on your character. So the headwear section can have two options, as long as it’s not both a hat. I also really like how easy it is to go between the different sections in the closet. 

story mode, at least in normal mode, shows you what categories you need to aim for in order to win the match. It will show you a rough estimate of points for a specific feature, Love & Fashion have tags like: Cool, warm, mature, lively, cute, etc, just like many other dress up games, but what I love about Love and Fashion is that it lets you know if you’re on the right track and doesn’t have you try to memorize what each clothing item falls under and try to press and hold so you can see the items info pop up, which can sometimes be tiresome, especially if you’re a lefty like me. -- It also has an easy search option that allows you to search your entire wardrobe at once under only the specific tag elements you selected. Well, That’s it! I’ve only been playing this game for about a day, but so far I really like it and think it’s a great go-between for love Nikki. It borrows enough familiar elements that make it easy to jump right into the game if you’re a veteran love Nikki player but does enough stuff on its own to seem new and refreshed. Again, I’ve only been playing for about a day, so a lot of this information could probably be a bit more through in explanation but it’s a very new game that seems to not have even been fully released yet. I do have to mention it has some stability issues, which I have had the game crash on me quite a bit but it’s still in development so hopefully the game will fix it’s stability issues soon! If your a love Nikkie player and looking for something to alternate to between regaining stamina and events, give Love & fashion OOTD a try and perhaps even add me if you like! :D   

[xmoonlitxdreamx]

J2G Works Charm Review

HEY kind of random but I tried out a different charm manufacturer recently! I haven’t seen any reviews for this manufacturer so I thought I’d talk a bit about my experience. The manufacturer is called J2G Works, and they’re based in Singapore. Here’s their website:

http://j2gworks.com/ 

 More info and pics under the cut! (also tagging @howtobeaconartist in case they want to share w their followers)

***

Since this was a sort of test-run, I only ordered J2G Works’s minimum quantity of 5 charms at 6 cm. I did double-sided printing with some custom parts without a layer of white between the front and back to give a transparent-color look. I also ordered double acrylic charms, but received single acrylic charms. I’ll talk a bit about the printing mix-up first. 

***

Acrylic Printing Mistake

So the first thing I wanna get out of the way is that they messed up the kind of charm I ordered. The charms I ordered were supposed to be double acrylic, meaning the image is sandwiched between 2 pieces of acrylic. This is more expensive and protects the image from fading or getting scratched. Vograce is the only other manufacturer I know of who does double acrylic, but I’ve had difficulties with Vograce in the past so I was excited to try double acrylic out with a different manufacturer!

However, when my charms arrived it seems they sent me single acrylic charms instead, with the image printed on the back of one sheet of acrylic. This is how places like Zap! Creatives and Acorn Press do their charms. You can see that my charms aren’t double acrylic from this pic:

Notice how there’s only one piece of acrylic, and no indication of the img being sandwiched between two pieces of acrylic. To compare, here’s what the side view of a double acrylic charm (that I got from a zine) looks like:

On double acrylic charms you should be able to see where the two pieces of acrylic meet. The charms I ordered didn’t have this. Plus I could feel the matte texture of the printed image on the back side like I do w/ Zap! Creative and Acorn Press charms.

I’m used to selling these charms so it’s not a big deal, but it was still disappointing + I paid the extra price for the double acrylic... I’ve emailed them, but I’m still waiting to hear back about getting some sort of compensation/refund for this mistake.

BUT YEAH NOW THAT THAT’S OUT OF THE WAY, l’ll talk a bit about the details working w/ J2G.

***

Packaging

Something that was interesting to me was that the charms came individually packaged in little plastic bags! This was a nice detail and saves the trouble of bagging them for whoever I would sell them to later. The charms also come with a protective film on the front and back that should be peeled:

The protective film on the front is v noticeable and easy to take off, but the one on the back is a more transparent, thicker plastic that’s a bit harder to take off. It’s also not totally noticeable, so I have a feeling that customers who buy my charms may not take off the back film if I give the charm as I’ve received them from J2G Works... so I guess in that sense having them individually packaged could be a hassle if you wanna take the films off before giving them to customers, but eh I think it’s a neat touch.

As also pictured above, it also comes with a keyring already attached. You can e-mail to order charms without the keyring if you want to attach your own (phonestraps/etc) but the keyring comes attached at no additional cost.

***

Minimum Quantity/Pricing/Shipping

J2G Works’s mimimum order quantity is 5 charms at $1.91 USD per single acrylic charm (aka the kind of printing that Zap and Acorn Press does). The default charm size is 6 cm (approx 2.4 inches). Considering the low order quantity and the relatively large size, I think this is a great deal! Zap’s minimum order quantity for 2″ acrylic charms is 25, while Acorn Press’s minimum order is 10. They don’t offer any bulk discounts of orders less than 100 charms, but I think the price is still reasonable for those who want to order in small quantities at a time. 

Here’s a size comparison to 2″ charms from Zap Creatives and Acorn Press, btw:

Also, I’m not sure if J2G would split the minimum order of 5 between different designs... their website just says “minimum purchase 5″ and has a location for uploading one file for that order, so probably not. But still, for someone like me who gets worried about ordering in bulk and selling charms bc I don’t do conventions that frequently, being able to order charms at 5 charms per design is useful. 

The only downside about pricing and ordering in small quantities is that since they’re Singapore-based and I’m US-based, shipping is v expensive. My charm order for the double acrylic charms was around $12, but the shipping was around $30. The shipping isn’t so bad if you add more things to your order (they offer a lot of other services) but it’s definitely not ideal if you only want to order a small quantity of items.

***

Template/Customization

Based on my past experiences with Zap! and Acorn Press, I thought customization was kind of a hassle with J2G. Here’s what J2G’s Template looks like:

The way their template works is that you literally put the front and back of your charm in the boxes, and that’s it. It’s really straightforward for people who just want acrylic charms of their art, but it makes it difficult for those who want to customize how the charms are printed and cut.

Unless you email them, they do the cut-line and loop hole themselves. I can definitely see this being a problem for people who want to put multiple loops and non-silhouette cuts for their charms. I’m not really sure what the protocol for customizing the cut would be, but I’m guessing you’d have to email them and put the desired cut on a different layer like one would w/ Zap’s or Acorn Press’s templates.

Their template also doesn’t have any indication of where the white in between the front and back layers should go. I asked J2G over email what I should do if I wanted transparent-colored parts of the charm (which is what I wanted for the roses), and they told me to put the transparent-color parts on a separate layer from the opaque-color parts. 

Anyway, I think this style of template is definitely nice for those who don’t have much experience with setting up charm files, but for those of us who are used to setting up files I can see doing charm customization via email correspondence as a negative part of the ordering process.

***

Printing Quality

I’m gonna go through a couple things one by one, but as a summary I’d compare their printing quality to Acorn Press. (And I like Acorn’s charms, so overall I’d say that’s a plus)

Colors Like with most manufacturers, the colors are a bit darker and duller than the colors on my computer. One nice thing that I noticed is that the white parts are pure white, unlike the white parts in Zap charms (which are usually a little grainy). Here’s how the white looks on J2G charms:

Notice the white in the eyes doesn’t have any grains in it. On the other hand, here’s a Zap charm:

Here, you can see in the eyes and teeth that the white isn’t pure white. 

This isn’t a huge deal bc it’s not noticeable from far away, but it’s something that’s always bothered me about Zap’s printing, ahaha. 

Double-Sided Printing From what I can tell, the double-sided printing doesn’t have as opaque of a white layer in between as Zap’s charms. Here’s the back-view of the J2G charm in slightly-strong natural lighting:

The front of the charm is pretty clearly visible on the back of the charm. Here’s how double-sided printing from Zap looks in comparison:

I don’t see the other side of the charm almost at all here. If I hold it against a strong light it becomes visible:

The back is VERY visible against a light for the j2g charm, tho:

That may just be because the back has a lot of dark colors against the light parts of the front. 

The colors are actually opaque enough imo, it’s really only noticeable against semi-strong light, especially from the back view. Here’s what the front looks like in the more neutral lighting:

And here’s what the back looks like in less-strong lighting:

I think what’s mostly making the front show through on the back is the texture, which is what I’ll talk a bit about now.

Texture Kind of an annoying thing is that the texture of the front is very visible on the back. It’s like this weird embossed texture on the spots where the front and back don’t align? Here’s a pic that can maybe show how the texture is weirdly embossed:

It’s most visible in strong lighting, but you can feeling just by running your fingers over it. :T I’ve bought charms that have this texture on it before tho, so it’s not a huge deal... I don’t have any double-sided Acorn Press charms, but I think it’s Acorn Press that has this oddly textured finish. You can kind of see it on this single-sided charm I made thru Acorn Press:

People still buy charms like this so it’s not a super big deal, but I just prefer a less textured finish on charms. I think it distracts less from the back image on the charm, too. This might’ve been solved if J2G gave me the double acrylic charms like I ordered, but I’m not sure. :T But yeah, this was the main issue I had with the printing.

***

Customer Service

For me, I found the customer service to be very friendly and flexible! Like I noted throughout, I had some customized parts for the charm and they were very accommodating and polite about that. They normally respond in about 1 business day, but it depends...? I think they actually have 24 hour customer service (?!) which is wild... they once sent me an email at midnight Singapore time, ahaha. Communication was also never an issue, which I know can be a problem for people who use Vograce. (English is widely spoken in Singapore and I spoke in English in my emails, which was never a problem). 

Another nice thing about working with them is that it seems like they have a quality control aspect to their process or smth...? I used a chalky/fuzzy brush for this charm so they emailed me to let me know they didn’t think my lines would print well. (I told them I’ve printed w/ these lines before, so I would be fine with the quality.) That’s just a small thing, but idk it’s nice that they reach out to the customers abt printing concerns. 

Lastly, they also email you some pictures of the finished charms before shipping! I don’t know if they do that so you can voice any concerns before they ship, but idk I thought it was nice. 

***

ANYWAY yeah that was my experience with them. Here’s a quick run-down of the pros and cons:

Pros:

Low minimum quantity (ideal for me personally)

very cheap price per unit, especially considering the charm size

comes with keyring attached

individually packaged

friendly and responsive customer service

relatively decent print quality

Cons:

messed up my order (single acrylic rather than double acrylic) which was kind of a bummer

template not very customizable

texture from front image visible on the back image

shipping is expensive

I think I’ll definitely use their services again because they have some other charm options that I’m interested in... but I’d only use them for the more straightforward charms rather than ones that need more specialized customization for cuts/loops/opaqueness. I’d also recommend ordering a minimum of 25 charms from them considering the shipping price. But yeah, overall I had a good experience with them and I think the charms are of the same quality as other charms I’ve seen sold at artist alleys. :^) 

Thanks for reading, hope it was useful!

[llexeh]

This Is Not Some Twilight Shit, Sourwolf - Stiles Stilinski / Derek Hale (Vampire!Stiles) (Explicit)

Summary: Stiles didn’t think it was possible to be crushing any more desperately on Derek, but then the werewolf offered his blood after a near-death experience and, well, shit. Add some blinding pleasure and skillful tongue and Stiles was essentially screwed. 

Warnings: blood, (unexpected) blood kink, canon-typical violence, complete (okay, major) disregard of conventional vampire anatomy and folklore, smut, come swallowing, slight ooc (extra verbosity from Derek), mild future kink negotiation

Rating: explicit

Pairing: Stiles Stilinkski / Derek Hale 

Tags: Vampire!Stiles, blood kink, oral sex, come swallowing, anal fingering, dirty talk, biting, vampire feeding, smut, fluff, very mild angst, mild D/s nuances, Derek Hale is a good Alpha 

Info: canon divergence, Stiles is of age 

Word count: 10086

Prompt:  Hey! I saw you had prompt requests so I was wondering if I could prompt Vampire!Stiles needing to feed and Derek just offering himself to Stiles? ^^

Prompted by: spidey-charles  (gosh I really hope this is okay and I’m so so sorry if this isn’t what you had in mind but thank you so much for putting a request in <3)

Feeding was never easy. Stiles had Principles™ and Morals™ and he was also adamant he wouldn’t create a disruption in the ecosystem surrounding Beacon Hills. He was basically David Attenborough, if David Attenborough was a bloodsucking monster who was sorta superfast and kind to others, part of a werewolf pack whose Alpha was a Dark and Broody asshole.

Speaking of which, Derek had been surprisingly accommodating, if overly careful about dynamics and such. On his part, Stiles felt more useful in battle so his morale was improved. He was also full of Twilight jokes that got old about eight minutes after he had returned as a vampire. The adjustment period was weird. His dad was devastated, scared, and eventually supportive. Scott made it a point to scent him every day because cold skin meant no warmth to spread the scent. Stiles offered to carry a small hairdryer everywhere and earned himself a smack for it.

There was a not-so-small part of him that had hoped (once the dust settled on this new development), that he would become substantially more attractive. As a general thing, but also particularly to Derek. His stupid crush had been going on for a pathetically long time and try as hard as he might, he wasn’t able to shake it. And because his life was a joke, if dating was not happening before, dating now was definitely not happening. Not because he didn’t trust himself, but it was too dangerous for everyone involved. And not in an Edward Cullen shitty-possessive way, but the supernatural world wasn’t superkeen on vampires. And Stiles’s big mouth alone was a hazard, let alone what he had become.

So feeding was a bit of a chore. The research wasn’t great either; for some bizarre reason history hadn’t documented the rules of housekeeping vampires. How unexpected. Stiles had devised a schedule for feeding, picking older animals and draining them painlessly, occasionally accepting blood bags from Melissa when he was sure they weren’t otherwise needed. His dad donated to his culinary needs regularly, regardless of how much Stiles begged him not to.

It was less than satisfactory.

It was through a weird conjuncture that involved faeries, a talking snake, and Peter Hale that Stiles found out about obscure Ancient Greek texts describing feeding rituals. He proceeded to spend months trying to find and then decipher them enough for them to become useful. He was fortunate enough to not have to sleep, which also meant that every time Derek fell asleep in the large armchair downstairs in the loft as they worked on the translations, Stiles could take his time categorizing all the fine wrinkles and the way the werewolf’s cheekbones twitched ever-so-slightly as he dreamt, and long story short, he was crushing so fucking bad it was actually sad.

The first significant shift in Stiles’s life (other than, you know, becoming a fucking vampire after having already adhered to a pack of werewolves and other supernatural creatures, seriously what the fuck was his life?) came to be when he had a breakthrough in a particular fragment of the texts. Lydia had managed to procure a first edition dictionary of sorts and Stiles did nothing else for three days, papers and drafts covering most of the living room floor at Derek’s place.

(Stiles did have a job, thank you very much, but freelancing meant his schedule was flexible. And also he really didn’t have to sleep – 100% increased productivity, woop! And living costs decreased dramatically when you didn’t have to buy food.)

Within the feeding rituals, Stiles found information about magical rituals, as well as ways to enhance the effectiveness of blood absorption. The Greeks really were into this shit – how they dealt with the heat, Stiles had no idea. The sun was manageable, if annoying, but the heat was just the worst. In all fairness, the heat was the worst when Stiles was human, let alone now when his skin was perpetually cold.

Translating from a dead language was not fun on a normal topic, like philosophy. The supernatural gurus from antiquity probably got off on convoluted sentences. He was in the process of rephrasing some of the notes he’d taken to make sure they were correct when Derek yawned. The werewolf had been sleeping for a while, half curled up to the arm of the chair, one of his knees up, face serene and undisturbed. Derek did that sometimes. He would wake up minutely and yawn, and proceed to fall asleep again with no memory of doing it. It was the most endearing thing Stiles had ever witnessed. He had half a thought to wake the other man up and send him to his bedroom, but Stiles was selfish and would find it hard to give up the relaxing habit of looking up from his work and seeing the man asleep. This crush of his was getting out of hand.

Stiles hadn’t seen that particular page at first. He’d overlooked it due to boredom, or perhaps his ADHD was spiking, or perhaps he was crushing too hard and didn’t realise it was relevant. When he accidentally picked it up, he’d already spent so much time reading the damned things, the information seemed to pour out of the paper onto his brain. He was, for lack of a better word, shook. It was an in depth description of feeding for mates and lovers. Stiles was pretty sure that was what the word meant. The other potential translation was “potters”, but he was definitely going with “mates” for this one. The gist of it was that it was an incredible bonding experience, together with intense pleasure and contentedness. It supposedly created an extremely strong connection between mates for the duration of the feeding and the ensuring sexual intercourse as long as the blood was offered freely and the offer was backed by sentiment - it wasn’t entirely clear how that worked. There was further literature about the bond between a vampire and a human, about two vampires, and unsurprisingly none about a vampire-werewolf bond. The book explained how frowned upon it was, how intimate and now Stiles had a sharp pang of longing. He filed the information for a later time, and got up to get Derek upstairs and in an actual bed.

The second significant shift was following a rather taxing fight. Stiles had accompanied Derek and Scott on a pack-bonding trip through the preserve. He was mostly there for moral support, but also to stop them from mauling each other. With great power and all that. It was supposed to be a relaxed experience, some running and hunting for Stiles. (He was reluctant as all fuck to feed in front of the pack, and often chose to do the deed away from them, where he wouldn’t feel as judged.)

He was on such a mission, some miles away from the others, searching for a suitable animal to tide him over when he felt claws descend and slash at his back. His survival instincts (Stiles, is it survival if you’re undead?) kicked in eventually, but at that point he was finding it hard to stand up. The smell that filled his nostrils was familiar, but definitely not pack. Stray werewolf, an omega perhaps. Stiles was weakened by the wound, he hadn’t fed yet. The were growled at him, shifted and running towards him, claws out. Stiles was moderately afraid. He managed to dodge the attack, too uncertain of his strength to retaliate. Scott and Derek were not close, but he hoped they would feel his distress in the pack bonds. He kinda prayed, rather.

He took off towards where he guessed they were. The closer he got, the greater the chances that they were going to sense him and come to his aid. Among everything, Stiles’s primordial thought was that of the bond he never got to feel with Derek. With anyone. How sad. He ran, pain pulsing through his spine down his legs, lungs burning despite not needing the air. It was disconcerting, how fragile he felt, and he couldn’t help but think of before, when he was predominantly useless in fights.

The comfort of the pack smell could make him cry. The bonds vibrated, more frantic the more distance he covered. Behind him, the werewolf was relentless in his attacks, frothing at the mouth, insults tumbling from his lips.

“Abomination!” he screamed. “Blood-sucking monster!”

As if Stiles didn’t know. But also, the hypocrisy. If he hadn’t been in so much pain and so desperate to get to safety, Stiles would stop and have words with him. How pathetic. Derek. It smelled like Derek now, faint at first, then stronger, and eventually the scent enveloped Stiles in a distinct feeling of home. He was safe.

His Alpha’s growl was mighty, he thought. What a beautiful sound as he rained hell on the stray. Stiles managed to stop, but he was sluggish and ended up half-colliding with a tree, propping himself up using the wide trunk. Derek was still fighting his assailant while Stiles tried to focus on willing the pain away, now slumped on the wet forest floor. His back was on fire, his usually cold skin burning under the open wound. Derek slashed at the stray’s chest and blood soaked his shirt instantly. Stiles salivated involuntarily. So much for Pavlov jokes, he’d never live this down.

“Derek,” he managed, eyes glazed over. The hunger was real. The pain was just as real.

The Alpha stopped, one hand holding the kneeling werewolf’s head while the other one prepared to slash his throat. He looked up in understanding. Dragging the injured stray over to Stiles, he presented him to his vampire pack member.

“Don’t you dare,” the werewolf managed, blood bubbling on his lips. “I’d rather be mauled than have this monster touch me!”

Stiles felt the sting of that, but his primal instinct was to feed and survive. He started to move, trying not to fall down further and have to crawl, unsure if he could take the embarrassment.

Derek knew, though, the way Derek always knew. “Shut it,” the Alpha growled, and stepped behind the stray, covering his bloody mouth with his clawed hand. He pulled the other werewolf’s head back, and held the side of his throat to Stiles’s now desperate trembling lips.

Stiles wasted no time latching on, fangs piercing the skin with relative ease, hot blood flowing into his mouth. The werewolf screamed, Derek’s hand pressing harder to minimise the noise. After the initial relief of feeding and feeling the pain dulling, Stiles felt more. As a general rule, blood was delicious to Stiles. He’d discussed it with Boyd of all people one night when they were watching reruns of wedding tv shows on TLC. Boyd was discreet and Stiles trusted him implicitly. He wasn’t proud of taking pleasure in feeding. It wasn’t something he’d wished for, and it was difficult to come to terms to no matter how much he tried.

But this blood. Werewolf blood. Stiles had never. He’d never even presumed to ask, and no one offered, not even for science. It wasn’t something he was comfortable doing anyway, so he would find it extremely difficult. But werewolf blood was the best thing he had ever encountered. He imagined heaven would feel like that, like hot blood flowing straight down his throat, the taste rich, almost smoky.

Stiles could swear he felt his veins tingling. His entire body shook with what he eventually understood to be pleasure. The thrashing made the blood flow easier into his mouth, and Stiles refused to think of how he was draining a living person. With little to no control over his actions, he lifted his eyes to look at Derek. Alpha Derek. His Alpha. Who had provided for him in his time of need. Who was still providing for him as he pushed the dying werewolf down while Stiles fed. He felt his heart swell up with the implications. To his complete mortification, his dick followed shortly.

He was unsure why his anatomy decided it was Hard Dick Time, but it was happening, oh-my-god-was-it-happening. Derek breathed in deeply, and Stiles knew. There was no mistaking the smell of his arousal, the quickening of his phantom heartbeat that happened whenever he fed. There was no mistaking the prominent tent in Stiles’s jeans as he kneeled sucking the blood and life out of his attacker. There was no mistaking Derek’s wandering gaze travelling down straight to his crotch. Stiles moaned, the mortification now complete. He shut his eyes and focused on the taste once more, resigned that his eternal life included getting a raging hard-on because of werewolf blood while his Alpha watched.

The aftermath was infinitely less glorious than the feeding. After making sure he was okay, Scott’s mocking was merciless. Derek kept quiet, mildly amused at the situation while Stiles was sure that if he could still blush properly, he’d be flushed to shit. And Scott may have been his best friend, the closest thing he had to a brother, but Scott had a big mouth and as soon as he opened it, the entire pack knew. Stiles considered moving on the East Coast out of spite. Derek never mentioned it. Not once, and Stiles was grateful.

But Derek was almost imperceptibly different. There were brief touches, nowhere near as lingering as Stiles would have liked them. Brief touches on his shoulder when he got up to go to the kitchen. Brief touches to say thank you to Stiles for cooking for the pack. Brief touches when Stiles went home. A particular touch on the back of his head after Stiles saved Erica’s life when they were ambushed by hunters. Stiles kept them all filed for later, for when he was sure he was alone in his bedroom back at his dad’s house.

And he had revoked his own right to Pavlov jokes once and for all since every time he thought of that time in the forest his brain supplied him with not only the memory of the greatest tasting blood he’d ever tried, but with Derek’s red eyes on his mouth as he aggressively sucked the life out of the stray werewolf. And every time that particular image popped into his mind he would get instantly hard. It was a nuisance, but some of his strongest orgasms have been achieved on all fours, three fingers up his own ass, moaning Derek’s name into his pillow thinking of those eyes on his feeding.

There was no doubt his kind had their own mating instincts because all Stiles wanted to do every time he allowed himself to think about Derek was to envelop him in hugs and proceed to keep him close for eternity. He wanted to occupy Derek’s entire attention, wanted the world to revolve around him, and more than anything he wanted to feel the tug of the bond he had read about. It was heartbreaking.

None of them knew how the word got out, but it was unanimously believed to have been a coven of witches Stiles pissed off this one time. The important thing was that everyone in the supernatural world (and their fucking mother) knew there was a vampire in the Hale pack. Which attracted territory claims and overzealous contenders who felt they had something to prove. And hunters. So. Many. Fucking. Hunters.

Sometimes Derek ordered Stiles to stay back. He’d flash his eyes and growl and Stiles would nod and leave the loft as soon as he counted to thirty Mississippi. They always “had words” afterwards, and Stiles spent hours stripping his cock thinking of the way Derek’s chest looked when he crossed his arms over it in displeasure.

Stiles was not prepared to live forever. He didn’t like thinking about it, he didn’t even like the occasional thought that made him realise he would outlive his father by an eternity. His friends would all eventually die as well. But what he did realise on a regular basis was that in an eternal life there was an infinity of circumstances that could change its course. It was with this distinct thought that he found himself being carried to safety by Derek. If he had the energy he would have huffed. What was even the point in being immortal and having this extra power if he was still weak?

The pack had all left for the weekend. It was Derek’s stoicism and stubborn nature that made him stay, while Stiles promised that as soon as he’d finish his work, he would pack Derek up and shove him in the jeep and drag him out as well. It was impractical at best, what with Beacon Hills being a magnet for all things shitty and all. But it appeased them enough for them to go. Stiles had little to no inclination of joining them at the beach. It wasn’t the most fun of times to be slowly burning even in the shade. And Derek was territorial beyond words so there was no way he was being taken away from his ancestral lands.

Stiles was the first one to feel the change in the wards Deaton and him had set up. He’d let Derek now and got up to leave as well. The Alpha did his usual routine of huffing and puffing as he put shoes on, and for once Stiles was inclined to listen. It passed quickly, two hundred Mississippi, and he was out the door, running towards where he felt the wards change.

It was a good thing, Stiles would argue that until the end of time. Derek was kneeling on the floor of an abandoned warehouse, thick wolfsbane-coated chains holding him in place while two hunters shocked him time and again with high voltage. Stiles took them out first. Neck snaps, clean and nice. The others turned their focus on him, probably considering Derek too weakened to react. He was mid-fight with one of the remaining three when he felt the sharp pierce of a metal arrow in the shoulder pinning him to the wall. A second arrow got him a couple of inches lower than the first. He instantly knew something wasn’t right.

Their research hadn’t produced too many results about ways to debilitate a vampire, but there were spells and potions used to weaken them. Given how rare they were these days, it was improbable they would affect Stiles. And, Derek had added, Stiles wouldn’t even be in fights that much. Which, yes, was at least stupid, but at the time it was pointless to argue. Now, as Stiles’s vision had started to blur, he really wished they’d paid more attention to the literature.

He came to as Derek was carrying him presumably back to safety. Stiles was content with knowing that Derek was alive. The pain in his shoulder was unbearable and he whimpered as he was jolted by Derek’s running. The Alpha slowed down and shushed him, cradling him gently.

“Derek?” he asked, confused.

“I’m not sure what it is, we’ll get you home in no time,” Derek replied.

Stiles coughed then and his world went red with pain. He felt it diminishing and watched as black vines appeared on Derek’s neck and jaw. He wanted to argue against it, but the relief was too great.

“How can I pass out if I don’t even sleep?” Stiles asked slowly, trying to focus on his words.

Derek’s lips curled upwards momentarily. “You’re such an idiot,” he replied.

To Stiles’s great relief, they were back at the loft. Derek deposited him on the large sofa in the living room and knelt in front of him. He disposed of Stiles’s bloody shirt and frowned at the sight.

“What is it, doc?” Stiles asked, trying to lighten the mood despite the difficulty he had formulating words. When there was no reply, he looked down. One of the arrows was still lodged under his clavicle and it burned. The wound above it was in bad shape, but at least it had stopped bleeding.

“This metal…”

“What about it?” Stiles asked, trying to keep his mind active so he wouldn’t go in vampire faintland.

“I’m not sure, it’s some kind of alloy. I’m not sure what it’s doing to you.”

“Well, for one it fucking hurts,” Stiles panted-laughed.

Derek took more of the pain away. “I’m sorry,” he started, “I’m going to have to take it out. The other one looked better after I pulled the arrow out.”

“Do it,” Stiles said.

“It’s going to hurt. The other one was bad and you were unconscious.” Derek frowned, leaning closer to inspect the wound.

“That’s okay, Sourwolf, I know you wouldn’t hurt me on purpose.” He lifted his hand and cradled Derek’s cheek for a second to reassure him. Derek was important, he was his Alpha, he shouldn’t be this worried about him.

“Hold on to my shoulder,” he instructed. He paused for a second, then lifted the t-shirt he’d taken off Stiles. “Here, bite on this, it won’t do much but it might help.”

Doing as instructed, Stiles braced himself. There was nothing to prepare him for the blinding pain he felt as Derek wiggled the arrow the tiniest bit. It was going to be agony, Stiles knew. He clenched his hand on the Alpha’s shoulder and held on for dear life.

Derek was distressed. He felt it in the bond pack, he felt it under his fingers, he felt it in the air, he smelled it in the room, he heard it in his heartbeat. “I’m so sorry, Stiles. The two you killed, and one of them bled to death.” He pulled once, sharply, and Stiles wanted to die. “The others two killed themselves before I could stop them, I wish I could have saved one of them for you to feed.” He pulled again, the spiked arrowhead burning on the way out.

Stiles was begging for death now. Silently, he hoped. He was pretty sure it was silently, he had no strength to form words out loud.

“I’m a bad Alpha,” Derek muttered. It could have been Stiles’s imagination, but between lidded eyes he saw the pained expression on the werewolf’s face.

Derek pulled the arrow out completely, and Stiles screamed as loud as he could, biting into the shredded t-shirt. The pain was sharp, then continuous. He bled borrowed blood he couldn’t afford to lose – his Alpha’s hands flew up to push on the open wound. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Derek repeated, cradling Stiles’s head as it went to roll backwards.

“No,” Stiles managed, feeling his throat burn with hunger. “Best ever,” he pushed out, hand still clenched on Derek’s shoulder, unaware of how much it hurt him.

“Stiles,” Derek started, “if you just open your mouth and lean forward a bit, you can feed on me, I wouldn’t mind and –”

“No,” he barked back.

“Don’t be –”

“I said no!”

Derek shook his head, opening his mouth to argue. Then his frown cleared and he gently pushed Stiles back into the worn cushions. “I’ll be right back, Stiles, okay?” he asked, getting up. “Right back, don’t you go anywhere now,” he added.

Stiles huffed in amusement and instantly regretted. The pain was there, infinitesimally less debilitating, but still mostly unbearable. “Dude, how?” The scoff came from the kitchen, Stiles heard it clearly. It was familiarity, that’s what it was. He was alive and really not well, and perhaps not even alive, but he was alive.

“Don’t call me dude.” The werewolf knelt in front of the sofa again, ripping a bit of plastic and Stiles could smell it. “Open your mouth,” Derek instructed.

He checked that it wasn’t a throat, even though it was stupid — he would have been able to smell the skin, hear the blood racing – and latched on to the straw that was offered to him. Instantly, he could feel strength return to his body as he gulped down the blood he was given. It wasn’t enough, his entire chest ached as he swallowed again and again. But it was better, he was better. He paused to readjust his head, looking at the straw longingly. “Like a Capri Sun for leeches,” he said quietly.

Derek tsked, as Derek was prone to do. “I had this for absolute emergencies. It’s the only one, though, we were going to get more next week. I’m sorry,” Derek said for the millionth time.

“Mhmm, shtop it,” Stiles grunted, a sound halfway between a whine and an annoyed huff. Then he realised. Despite the pain, his right arm – slightly less painful, although there wasn’t an inch of his body that didn’t hurt – shot up and he covered his bloody lips with his hand. “Sorry, I forgot.”

There was clear confusion on the werewolf’s face. “Why are you apologising for?” Then a pause. “Oh.” Then he frowned. “Stiles, really?” Then he cradled his head again in what was quickly becoming Stiles’s favourite touch ever. “I don’t mind,” he said gently.

“It’s not right, it’s unnatural.”

Derek wolfed out then, an eyebrow shot up in an exasperated-mocking expression. It was made ridiculous by the distinct lack of eyebrow hair, the ridge replacing his normally extra-expressive thick eyebrows not quite doing the job. “I’m a fucking werewolf, really?”

Stiles laughed around the straw, the slurping now getting moderately obscene as he neared the last bit of the blood bag. His hand was still covering his mouth, and Derek, now human again, pulled it away gently. “I’m –”

“You need to feed. I’ve got plenty of blood and accelerated healing. Just get those fangs out and feed already.” Derek had clearly switched to the authoritative voice now.

“No,” Stiles said firmly. All the little strength he got back he put in that one word.

“Stop being so damn stubborn!”

“Derek, no,” he insisted.

The Alpha was trying his hardest to be patient. “Okay. Okay, no. Why?” The silence he was met with wasn’t helping the situation. “Because the way I see it it’s a perfect situation, I’m right here and willing and able to help. Either way, you won’t make it to the preserve and I won’t let you die.”

Stiles whined quietly and waved the empty blood bag. “This is going to be enough, Sourwolf. I’ll make it,” he said with a smile. A weak smile.

“Bullshit,” Derek countered, sitting up from his heels to stare Stiles down. “What’s the real reason?” He opened his mouth to add something, decided against it, then pushed through his clenched jaw. “Is my blood not good enough for you?”

Despite the pain, Stiles stood up instantly. “What? No! What? What the fuck? No!” If it had been anyone other than Derek, he may have thought he was being manipulated, but the self-esteem was weak with this one. It was a genuine concern.

“Then?”

He sighed. “I can’t feed on my Alpha, it’s against all hierarchical spoken and unspoken rules. You’d be vulnerable, what if someone attacked us? I’m useless, you’re incapacitated, and we’d both be fucked.”

“Your wards are strong, you’d get back on your feet in no time and I’d heal just as quickly,” Derek rebutted.

Stiles was getting increasingly agitated. “Okay, maybe but also. Also, remember what happened when I fed from that stray?” He was looking down now, folding the plastic blood bag into half, then into half again, opening it up and repeating.

After initial confusion, Derek’s eyes widened. “Please tell me you’re not actually risking death – permanent death – because you’re worried you might get hard around me. We’ll put a cushion on your lap if you’re that concerned, just feed already –”

“For fuck’s sake! It’s the feeding ritual for mates, okay?” Stiles shouted and immediately collapsed into a coughing fit. He held on to his sides, trying to stop before he passed out with pain again.

“The what?” the Alpha asked, holding Stiles’s torso still, taking as much pain away as possible.

Eventually, he managed to reply. “In the Greek texts. There’s a bit about feeding from your mate and it creates a bond during the feeding and it’s fulfilling and pleasurable and look, I can’t presume to or that you’re my – but I don’t want to – and it’s you and – it’s more than getting my dick hard, okay? It’s intimate and it makes you vulnerable and you’re my Alpha and you’re not – you’re more important – it’s more important you stay strong and able – I would never – I can’t presume to –”

Derek covered his mouth with his massive hand, the only way he knew was effective in stopping Stiles when he was Nervous Blabbering. It was bad enough before he didn’t need to breathe, now it was just endless. “It’s okay,” he said, kindness lighting his eyes. “I got you,” he said quietly, “I got you, just…” He pulled back and looked the young man in the eyes. His hand moved to caress his cheek. “You’re the most important to me.” He brought his head forward and touched his cheek to Stiles’s.

In the quiet surrounding them, Derek’s blood raced warm and unsettled under his skin, loud enough to fill the room. His heartbeat echoed louder than Stiles’s pain. He whimpered when the werewolf moved back, the warmth leaving him.

“Let me provide for you,” Derek whispered as he moved back. His head slid to the side, eyes fixed on Stiles’s. His throat arched, tendons taut, and he breathed steadily, a decided look etched on his face. “Please feed,” he said and there was so much vulnerability in his voice, Stiles had to hold him.

His arms snaked around the werewolf’s head, holding him to his bare chest. There was pain still, sharp and pressing, but the connection he felt with his Alpha was primordial. Perhaps always, but even more so now. The werewolf was kneeling in front of him, throat barred, vulnerable. He was trusting Stiles with his life, with knowing when to stop, he was adamant he would provide for the vampire, he was caring and loving and perfect.

“Derek, I can’t…” Stiles whispered.

The werewolf growled, the sound reverberating throughout his entire rib cage. “Do it!”

Stiles’s knees buckled. Tenderly, he lowered his lips, fangs elongating and grazing the skin. “Are you sure?”

Derek nodded and lifted his throat slightly, pushing it up against the vampire’s lips. Within seconds, he felt the burn of fangs piercing his skin. It was painful, yet unlike any pain he’d ever experienced. He tensed as he felt the burn spread from the wound, flourishing up on his jawline and down his collarbone. The fangs were gone then, Stiles whispering apologies in his ear, holding on to his shoulders. Derek shook his head and pushed back to the vampire’s mouth. “It’s fine, I’m fine, do it,” he insisted.

“I’m sorry,” Stiles said once more and the burn was back in Derek’s skin. He felt the way the fangs made room for his blood to trickle out, then they were gone again. The vampire’s lips latched to his skin, the tongue caressing the bites as Stiles scooped droplets of blood out.

The wave of pleasure hit Derek so hard, he couldn’t help the moan. He wasn’t ready for it, he’d never even imagined anything could feel like that. It was as if the entirety of the universe had crawled under his skin through the small incisions Stiles made on the side of his throat and proceeded to explode. His felt his very existence focused solely on the gentle tongue lapping at his skin.

On his part, the vampire wasn’t ready either. Like, holy fuck, he wasn’t ready. Like, the only other time when he had tasted werewolf blood it was out of dire necessity, not unlike this time round, but also this time it was Derek and everyone and their mother, across the entirety of the world, potentially in a couple of parallel universes knew that Stiles was adamant Derek was the most beautiful creature in history. And that the sun rose from behind his moody eyebrows and small smile. This was Derek, with the sweetest blood, the most appealing scent, the warmth of a thousand hugs, the most calming pulse in the world, even as it raced. Stiles was in heaven.

He felt arms circle his torso, holding him tight as he fed. His strength was returning steadily, he could feel the pain dull and instead pleasure bloomed throughout his body. In spite of the euphoria, he managed to pull away to allow the werewolf’s blood to replenish. It wasn’t a fast process, but Stiles wasn’t about to drain the love of his life —

“Alpha,” he whispered, delirious by now with the contentedness he felt. “My Alpha,” he said, and proceeded to pepper Derek’s earlobe with soft kisses, ignoring the blood smears.

Derek moaned. “Stiles, what are you — this is so good. I want this forever,” he replied eventually, uncharacteristically vocal about his feelings. His muscles were taut, veins standing out all over - of course Stiles noticed them. He moved back a little, enough to look at the vampire’s face. His hand cupped Stiles’s cheek. “You’re so amazing,” he whispered, eyes wide as if in genuine awe.

Stiles smiled then, lips reddened by the blood, his face filling slowly with a modicum of colour. He was content, feeling stronger, cock hard and heart full of love for the beautiful man still kneeling in front of him. There was lurking sadness behind the smile, though. “It’s the feeding bond,” he explained. “It makes you feel like this.”

Derek’s panicked expression would have been alarming if he hadn’t immediately started talking, forcing the focus on what he was saying. “What? No! I mean yes, but what about —“ he paused, hand going to cover the side of his throat where he could feel warm blood still dripping out. “What about all the other times?” he soldiered on. “What about when you sit on my floor and hum or when you cook for all of us or when you smile every time you wake me up?” He bent forward then, forehead resting on Stiles’s collarbone, the wounds under it closing up slowly. “What about every other day when I desperately care about you?” As soon as he pulled back, his eyes found Stiles’s. He moved his bloody fingers away from his throat and lifted them to the vampire’s lips. “Open.”

Stiles had no choice but to comply, mesmerised by the way his Alpha chose to feed him, lapping at the blood on the werewolf’s fingers. Unable to break eye contact, he pulled the tip of Derek’s index finger in his mouth, sucking on it gently, tongue still caressing the fingerprint where the blood had been. Derek shuddered, then presented his middle finger to the red lips in front of him, smiling when it was greedily accepted.

There was the tiniest of nips under his second knuckle, then the burn, then the sting, then the pleasure. Derek’s other hand rested on Stiles’s thigh, gripping to try and steady himself. Stiles let go of the fingers, opening the palm to kiss it, then moving to the wrist where he could feel the werewolf’s pulse better. He nipped again, sucking greedily, licking and smearing drops of blood before cleaning them. Then up the man’s large forearm, marred with a couple of scars, resting his lips in the dip of his elbow. He looked up.

“Alpha?”

Derek nodded. This time, Stiles kept his fang in plain sight. He dragged it slowly, thinly breaking skin in a clean fine line. It didn’t hurt more than a paper cut would, and Derek shivered as he waited for the burn to settle under his skin. He knew what came afterwards. Stiles looked up, making sure Derek watched him as he licked the blood.

“Please,” Derek managed, trembling as pleasure took over him, visibly struggling to hold himself back.

Stiles smiled, half-kind, half-flirty. Almost a smirk. “Ah, yes?” He pulled Derek forward by the elbow, bringing them shoulder to shoulder. Stiles’s lips rested on the corner of Derek’s mouth. “Alpha?” he asked cheekily.

“Yes,” Derek breathed. “Yes!”

So Stiles moved. Minutely, enough to bring his red lips on Derek’s, pausing for a couple of seconds to revel in the feeling of finally, finally kissing this man he’d been lusting and pining after. He bent his head slightly, working Derek’s lips with his own. They opened immediately, kissing back hungrily. It was unclear when they readjusted their positions, but Stiles was suddenly aware of Derek’s large hands on his shoulder blades holding him tightly, bare chest flushed against the werewolf’s still-clothed wide torso. Derek was kissing into his mouth furiously, tongue circling his. His affected breaths brushed his cheek and Stiles’s hips buckled helplessly.

He held Derek’s head gingerly as the man moved to scent him, kissing his neck and collarbone and moving to the closing wounds. “Alpha…” he whimpered when he felt his tongue chase the dull pain away. “I’ve been dreaming of this for – years – for ah fuck –” Derek’s lips closed around a hardened nipple, effectively shutting Stiles up.

He felt himself being pushed back into the sofa, Derek peppering his entire chest with small bites. He shuffled forward to give himself more leeway, then moved back up to kiss Stiles again. “So fucking perfect,” he whispered against the vampire’s lips. One of his hands flew up to the bulge in Stiles’s jeans, gripping it teasingly. “For years, hm?” he asked as he squeezed, opening the top button with his thumb.

“Fuck, yes, years! Derek –” he gasped as the werewolf stopped moving his hand and pulled back to look at Stiles “– Alpha,” he tried again, and the movement resumed. “Alpha, please!”

“Good boy,” Derek praised. He popped open the other buttons and pulled Stiles’s jeans down, along with his boxers. Stiles was not the greatest fan of his body, but to watch Derek rake his eyes over every inch of exposed skin was mesmerising. He felt the werewolf’s fingers travel from beauty mark to beauty mark, softly revealing more skin. When he finally managed to undress Stiles completely, he pushed his knees further apart and bent his head to scent the skin on Stiles’s inner thigh. “You’re beautiful,” he whispered, pressing lazy kisses all the way to the hipbone.

“I’m begging you – I’m so – please –”

“I got you,” Derek repeated his earlier words. The claw on his index finger nipped the skin on his thumb and he lifted his hand to Stiles’s lips once more. “Suck,” he said hurriedly before bending forward to lick the precum that had trickled down Stiles’s neglected cock.

Among whimpers, Stiles started sucking, holding on to Derek’s hand for dear life when the werewolf finally took him in his mouth and licked the leaking slit. His Alpha pushed down with wet lips, hollowing his cheeks as he went, sucking him in. He finally reached the end of his torturous journey and Stiles couldn’t help but ogle him, with his nose buried in the hairs at the base of Stiles’s dick, breathing in deeply, cheeks hollowed, cheekbones sharp, eyes shut.

He swallowed around Stiles’s dick and to the vampire’s complete and utter mortification, he bucked his hips in Derek’s throat. “I’m so sorry,” he mumbled around the thumb still bleeding in his mouth. He went to pull back when Derek reached the small of his back and pushed him in the tight opening of his throat. There was the smallest sign of a gag, and Stiles panicked because that’s who Stiles was. But then Derek opened his eyes, bright red and commanding, and Stiles thought he’d come then and there.

He let go with a filthy pop. “I’m going to open my mouth,” he started, licking the spit off his lips, “and you’re going to fuck my throat, okay?”

Stiles didn’t trust himself to speak so nodded, the taste of Derek’s blood still lingering on his tongue, the bond caressing the inside of his very soul. Derek kissed the tip of his dick, sucking loudly on the sensitive skin there. He followed through on what he’d said and opened his mouth, inviting Stiles in.

It was tentative at first - small movements, aiming to show Derek he was being good for him, but ultimately restrained. He gasped through clenched teeth, hips involuntarily pushing more dick up Derek’s throat - he felt a finger right under his balls, fondling them up gingerly and a second later another finger tapping his puckered hole, pressing gently against it.

“Derek, please! Inside, I’m gonna —“ Stiles starting fucking up harder into Derek’s mouth and throat, prompting an appreciative hum from the man.

The werewolf lined his finger up with Stiles cock, sucking it enough to wet it and brought it back to Stiles’s hole. He used his elbow to open his legs further, pushing the finger in to the first knuckle, then the second. It wasn’t enough to burn properly, or to let him find Stiles’s prostate, but together with the tight heat of Derek’s mouth and the way his cheeks hollowed as Stiles fucked his mouth, it was enough to make Stiles come.

“Derek — I’m — Alpha!” He moaned loudly, hands flying up to hold the werewolf’s head in place, dick pushed as far up in his throat as it could go and he came with a long and guttural moan. It was the most blinding pleasure he’d ever experienced, his entire body trembling as he spurted his load into Derek’s mouth. Even as he was maddened with pleasure, he could still feel the man’s throat constricting rhythmically to swallow as much as possible.

The aftermath was foggy. Stiles felt the drag of Derek’s lips as he moved to let go of his spent dick. He bucked pathetically once more, unable to help it as the stimulation became too much. When Derek’s face came into focus, Stiles thought he was somehow going to come again.

The werewolf looked wrecked. Lips swollen, hair mussed, spit and cum that had escaped his eager mouth glistening on his beard. “Good?” he asked cheekily.

“The best,” Stiles replied, and got up from his post-coital slouch to kiss the wetness off Derek’s face. He had been too distracted to notice what the werewolf had been doing, but even as he licked the mess away, savouring all the different tastes, he gasped loudly when he looked down.

Derek was still kneeling, legs apart, cock out and pushed up by his jeans. It was hard - large, thick and veiny, the head standing out as it curved upwards a little. His thighs were trembling as he panted with need. His t-shirt - still on for some fucking reason - was half-soaked in sweat and droplets of blood and spit. It had ridden up on one side, showing the damp muscles leading to – Derek rubbing the glistening head with his palm, trying to create some friction.

For the first time in a long while, Stiles was hungry for something other than blood. “None of that, get up here,” Stiles urged as he slid down, kissing him deeply when they were both on the floor. He pawed at the top, pulling it upwards and trying to get Derek out of it. When he finally succeeded, he sighed happily. “I love… this,” Stiles waved his hands at the werewolf’s entire torso.

“What, this old thing?” Derek asked innocently, flexing his pecs jokingly.

Stiles couldn’t help the giggle that escaped him, but even as he watched fondly, his hands cupped Derek’s neck then moved down on his shoulders, then down his arms. “How are you real?” he asked reverently. He went back to Derek’s collarbones then, down his chest where the hair was kept trimmed and neat. His fingers ghosted over the man’s nipples, down his hard abs.

Derek shivered as the vampire leaned in to kiss the place he’d bitten earlier. “Stiles? Would you like to feed some more?” He presented his throat, anticipation unusually present in his voice.  

Stiles moaned. “Up on the sofa facing that way.” He seemed far too commanding for how nervous he was, even as lust took over him once more.

“Bossy,” Derek mumbled, but did as he was told.

“Only if you allow it.” Stiles watched the expanse of wide naked back with hungry eyes. He pulled Derek’s jeans down to his mid-thigh, essentially trapping him like that. He went straight to kneading the asscheeks in front ot him. “Having to watch you when you walked away… every time…” He was rambling now. “So I can watch this ass… I used to sit facing the stairs so I can see you go up like some sort of perv.”

Derek gasped when Stiles jokingly bit into the outer side of his ass. He shifted more weight on his forearms, pushed his ass higher in the air. “Please,” he whispered meekly.

“Okay, logistics… Lift,” Stiles said, patting the side of the werewolf’s thigh. “And the knees, okay, there we go!” Derek was fully naked now, socks and shoes gone as well. “Beautiful,” Stiles gasped. He tapped the inner side of Derek’s thighs, getting him to spread his legs.

The werewolf was fully on display now. The small of his back dipped when Stiles grabbed his cheeks and parted them further. He felt a finger travel from the top of his crack down to his hole, where it pressed on it gently. He heard Stiles spit, the filthiness of it making his cock ache with neglect. He felt the wetness travel the same road the vampire’s finger had, then a more urgent press on his needy hole.

He went to grab his dick, but Stiles was not having it. “No no, Sourwolf, let me do this right,” he told him, the commanding tone subtle. They would have time to talk dynamics, but right now Derek was desperate for any stimulation. He would take anything the other man gave him as long as he gave it to him then. He whined when the touch was too teasing and not definitive enough. “I got you,” Stiles repeated his earlier words and dived in.

Derek barely recognised his own moan. It was desperate and downright filthy. Stiles held on to his balls with a tender hand while his tongue flattened on Derek’s hole. He licked in broad strokes, trying to get it as wet as possible. Then it sharpened, pushing in slightly, alternating between focused and wide licks. Derek was mad with need. “Stiles, please,” he heard himself beg, uncertain what for.

“Shh, it’s okay,” the vampire assured and pressed a wet finger inside. He worked it in and out, a bit more every time. Derek took it, his hungry hole swallowing everything he was given. Stiles added another finger, careful not to hurt the man. He pushed them in maddeningly slow, dragging them on the upper wall as he pulled them back, then rotating them a bit. He scissored carefully, opening Derek up to him. “So hot,” he muttered, adding his tongue to the fingers in an effort to lubricate Derek’s hole further.

On his part, the werewolf was gone. He had shifted to the side a little, face practically buried in the back of the sofa as he pushed back against Stiles’s fingers. “More,” he managed in between moans.

Stiles sighed longingly, dick hard once more. He scrambled to his feet, planting a knee next to Derek’s to keep his legs spread. He pulled the werewolf up and on the back of the sofa, slowing his fingers. “You want another finger, Sourwolf? You want me to open you up more? Are you desperate to come?” Stiles was whispering in his ear now, tonguing his earlobe.

“Yes,” Derek almost barked. “Please,” he added as an afterthought. He pushed back on the fingers, hips stuttering when Stiles twisted and curled the digits and – “there!” Derek moaned.

“Here, hmm?” Stiles asked hot breath right in his ear. His fingers pressed against the prostate relentlessly.

“Yes! I need more.” He pushed back hoping to get more friction, but Stiles had almost pulled his fingers out completely.

“None of that,” the vampire said when Derek’s hand went to his cock. “Give them here,” he asked, and held Derek’s both wrists with no real strength. It was a power move, they both knew it. Stiles especially didn’t expect this power shift to be a constant thing. At least he hoped it wouldn’t be. He had dreamt of submitting to his Alpha for ages, even if it wasn’t in a scene - there was something about Derek’s commanding nature that did things to him. Stiles removed the fingers completely, bringing them up to lick them in front of Derek’s mostly unfocused eyes.

“Fuck.”

Stiles pushed a single finger back in. “Is this not enough?” he teased, nosing behind Derek’s ear to scent him the way all the werewolves in his pack did. He added another one. “How about this? No?” Derek nodded, then moaned when he felt another finger teasing his hole. “What about another one, Sourwolf?”

He left Derek for a second to spit on the partly opened hole again. When he came back up, he went straight to licking Derek’s throat, along the bulged veins there. “I can smell your blood,” he whispered in his ear as his fingers sped up. The heel of his palm wiggled to keep his cheeks spread and he started fingerfucking Derek in earnest. “You’re so good to me, Alpha,” Stiles told him. “You’re so good, providing for us, for me - giving me your blood and your mouth, letting me pleasure you in the best way I know…” Derek pushed back in sync with Stiles’s blunt nails tapping his prostate every time. “So good,” Stiles praised once more and stretched to kiss him, wet and filthy and amazing.

Derek moved his head to the side, presenting his throat once more. It didn’t matter how mad with pleasure he was, it was ingrained in his very nature to not be this vulnerable, especially as an Alpha. This was a conscious decision and Stiles felt like crying with the implications. “Bite… me…” Derek said through clenched teeth. “Feed,” he added in a pleading tone.

Stiles wasn’t sure if this was for his benefit or for Derek’s, but he did anyway. Mindful of where he bit, sharp fangs puncturing the skin on Derek’s throat once more. Sweet sweet blood filled his mouth and he sucked it greedily. The filthy noises filled the room amidst moans, the squelching of his fingers pumping in and out of Derek’s loose hole, the way he gurgled blood hungrily.

Pleasure ran through his veins, straight down to his dick. Derek’s fangs had dropped, mouth open in pleasure. His claws were firmly planted in the sofa, back tense, and when Stiles pressed down on his prostate particularly hard, he half-wolfed out as he came with a roar, untouched and delirious with pleasure. Part of Stiles was shocked, the other desperate for release. He let go of Derek’s wrists to pump his own dick a couple of times, and came all over Derek’s ass grunting.

The aftermath was quiet apart from the heavy breathing. Out of habit, Stiles panted along with Derek, even though his lungs were not burning for air. The werewolf was wrecked, the filthy moan he let out when Stiles pulled his fingers out going straight to the vampire’s spent dick. It twitched a little, but even with the supernatural and Stiles’s relentless lust, it needed a break.

He licked the open wounds clean, drenching them in enough saliva that they would stop bleeding soon. “Wait here,” he said quietly. Derek nodded and Stiles was gone for less than a minute before he returned with a damp washcloth and a towel. He wiped Derek’s asscheeks, then gently patted his tender hole clean. He tried his best to get the cum off the sofa, but it seemed it had partly soaked in already. “We might need to reupholster the sofa,” he said just as quietly.

Despite the contentedness he felt, both because of the bond and as a result of just having sex with Derek, Stiles’s anxiety seeped in. He busied himself with cleaning as much of the surfaces as possible, trying to not voice any of his concerns. Perhaps Derek was mad at him. Or perhaps he’d hurt the werewolf, pushed for too much. Perhaps the bond was too much, the intimacy too real or –

“I can literally hear you overthink,” Derek’s lazy voice came from the back of the sofa, where he was resting his upper body still trying to gather his wits.

“No, you can’t – unless you’ve developed new powers from having some vampire venom in you and even then, for the millionth time: this is not some Twilight shit, Sourwolf,” he said, immediately going into rambling mode.

Derek snorted. “Okay, not literally, but I know how your mind gets.” He slid back onto his heels then looked back at the wet spot on the sofa. “This never happened,” he said.

Stiles swore he could feel his heart break. “Of course,” he said quickly. “I totally get it, it would fuck up the pack dynamic and now that we’ve finally got some stability we would definitely not want that. You would definitely not want that,” he corrected himself. “Like, the pack is the most important, of course, and they must never know and –” He got up and pulled his discarded jeans back on as quickly as possible. “I’m gonna go, gonna look up some service to sort the sofa out as soon as I get home - I’ll link you some good places and I can cover the costs fully.” He looked around for a t-shirt before remembering it had been shredded to shit. It wasn’t ideal, but at least he had bottoms on. If the police stopped him his dad would find out but driving around shirtless wasn’t the worst thing he’d done. “Okay, I’m gonna –”

“Stiles, what the fuck are you on about?” Derek asked sharply.

“What?”

“Well?”

“You said this never happened and that’s totally fair, I can’t even disagree –”

Derek huffed. “I meant coming untouched, you absolute idiot!” he said, pointing to his lap with both hands in a ‘this right here you imbecile’ gesture.

“Oh,” Stiles managed, shoulders slumping as part of the tension left his body.

“Yeah, oh. Idiot,” Derek said affectionately. “Stiles, in what universe would I have just had the best sex of my life and let you go home?”

“Well how the fuck would I know that – wait, best sex?”

Derek rolled his eyes. “Come here,” he said, flipping over on his back and settling on the sofa. “And take those off, they’re offending,” he said, pointing to his the half buttoned jeans.

Stiles’s lust returned with a vengeance. Still, he held on to the towel and looked around as if trying to find something else to do. “I’m not…” he trailed off, uncertain how to continue.

Derek frowned. “Unless you don’t want to,” he said, lifting up on his elbows.

“No! That’s not it, I just…” Once more, words failed him.

Derek sighed and fell back into the sofa. His hands went behind his head, making himself comfortable. His chest muscles flexed as he moved, thick arms on display. “You’re so beautiful,” he said, reverence clear in his voice.

Stiles ducked his head, then went to push his jeans off. Naked with someone else wasn’t his comfort zone, not even (or especially) after sex, not after he’d done what he’d done. But he complied, bracing himself against the shame. “I’m not,” he mumbled, hoping Derek wouldn’t pick it up.

He did and scoffed accordingly. “Come here.” He moved his arms down, stretched them out in an invitation for Stiles. He wiggled his fingers, reiterating what he said. “I want to cuddle and scent you and hold you,” Derek said.

It was severely uncharacteristically vocal of him, but then again, perhaps this is what he was like with his lovers. Is this what Stiles was to Derek? He still went, unable to deny the werewolf’s calling. He kneeled between Derek’s legs, then slowly stretched on top of him. Despite the height difference, they lined up nicely together. The man’s arms went around him immediately. “Hi,” he said shyly.

“Hi,” the werewolf replied, and caught his lips in a lazy kiss.

“Cuddles, huh?” Stiles asked after they parted.

“Yes, cuddles,” Derek repeated. “I was thinking about the sofa,” he started, then went to nuzzle Stiles’s neck.

“I too think about the sofa often. More so now,” Stiles replied with mock seriousness.

Derek laughed as he pressed kissed into the skin he could reach. He pulled Stiles further up on him to get better access. “We could move it to my bedroom, get a new one for the living room.”

“Oh?” He could feel his cock twitch.

“You know, for… future times,” Derek explained.

“Oh.”

“Unless you don’t want to and that’s absolutely fine,” Derek hurriedly added.

“Why would I not want to move the sofa to your bedroom?”

“Okay, now you’re just playing dumb.” Derek pulled back to look the younger man in the eye.

Stiles laughed. “Yeah, okay, a little,” he admitted. “Future times, huh?”

“If you’re under the impression I can live without doing this again you’re wrong,” Derek informed him. “Again, unless you –”

“Derek I’ve liked-liked you for years now. I figured if you didn’t go for me when I was human, there was no way it would happen now,” he confessed. “There will never be a time when I don’t want to, okay?”

Derek smiled at him then, pressing a tender kiss to his lips. “Why would I not want you now?” he asked, genuinely confused.

“It’s not right,” Stiles replied. “I’m not right and my feeding isn’t –”

“Oh my god!” Derek exclaimed. “We’re all some sort of fucked up, Stiles. You think any of us are right?” he asked, mostly rhetorically.

“Well, at least the majority of this pack is werewolves, I’m such an odd one out. And the ones who aren’t don’t go sucking blood to survive!”

Derek held him tighter. “I like-like you,” he whispered. “I’ve liked-liked you when you were human, I like-like you now,” he said, using Stiles’s own terminology. He kissed Stiles’s earshell wetly, then continued. “I want to fuck you into the mattress. I want you to bite me before I come, I want to provide for you and make you come. I want you to ride me so I can watch you closely,” he added as an afterthought.

He was hard again now. “Wow, okay. Uhm, yes to all,” Stiles managed. “Are you like this with all your hook-ups?”

“Not a hook-up,” Derek clarified. “And no, only with the ones who don’t try to kill me,” he joked.

“I did have you arrested,” Stiles reminded him.

“Yeah, I have some rope I’ve been dreaming of using to pay you back for that. If you’re into that?” Derek asked almost shyly.

“You have Stiles-named rope,” the vampire repeated. “Yes, I’m into that. Have you met me?” he asked, almost giddy at the prospect.

“I have,” Derek confirmed with a smile. “I’m so glad I have. And I don’t, Stiles, I don’t normally do this,” he said, gesturing around them in a generic vague way. “But you’re special, you’ve always been.”

Stiles ducked his head again, trying to hide from the intense look. “Okay, yeah. Okay,” he repeated in an attempt to ground himself. “You hungry?” he asked, trying to change the subject.

“For you,” Derek answered immediately, smirk in place, eyes lit up with amusement.

“Unbelievable,” Stiles mumbled. He moved his hips sharply against Derek’s once to prove a point. “But honestly, same,” he added.

Derek laughed. “Good. I’m gonna take you upstairs and fuck you now, that okay?”

“Very,” Stiles replied, cock filling even more at the idea.

“We can find a new sofa later,” Derek promised, and got up to move them to his bedroom. “I’ve been getting complaints this is too small anyway,” he said in between kisses.

“Do we tell the pack?” Stiles found himself asking, unable to banish the pressing thought.

Derek stopped halfway up the stairs and looked at the vampire, predatory glint in his eyes. “I’m gonna fuck you so hard they’ll be able to smell me on you from a mile away.”

“Promise?” Stiles asked cheekily, and laughed when Derek slapped his ass lightly.

“Yeah, hard promise.”

Thank you for reading this filth, ily all! Send me requests and prompts and find me on Ao3 - links are a bit shit to me rn, but all my info is in my description.

As always, endless thanks to Joeybelle for her patience and support and for pointing out mistakes and shit.

This is not Yank-wanked (been laughing at this term for fucking ever, I’m never gonna stop using it hahaha), sorry for the British English spelling of words, I’ve completely given up on it.

Ask me stuff and for stuff and just write to me any time, I’m friend shaped! <3