#also this is a hate letter to myself | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

twistedappletree · 6 months ago

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starseungs · 3 months ago

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rlly bad fever rn oof

#꒰ ✒️ : cielle's diary ꒱#but math waits for no one #i have a quiz tomorrow #fuck i feel like crying #numbers feel traumatic at this point #actually no ! theres barely any numbers left and its all fucking letters !#and fuckass symbols #why am i struggling so much this isnt supposed to be that deep #or maybe im just crazy again tonight cause i feel like absolute shit #and my wisdom tooth also hates me #ha lol jokes on it cz i also hate myself #what am i saying #vent ig might delete ok bye

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i-mmaculatus · 1 month ago

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Hai its me lore anon and today we need lore

When did u start liking nct and chenle and wtv and when did u get the twink curse

hi lorw anon!!!!!!! so basically my older sister was a kpop fan ever since i was a lil kid .. more specifically a sm stan, so i basically grew up listening 2 her sonfs and blah blah blah and she introduced me to nct :3 i wasnt really the biggest nct fan back then but little me liked their songs Yay !!!! i basically watched every unit debut except for wayv cus in 2018-2021 i got into this big nct hate phase for some reason??? then sticker got released...and i hated it...and then i listened 2 it for a while ....and i was Like Oh okay this is lowk a banger ...and then woody jaehyun selca.....and then queerbaiting...and then haechan and i was like Okay yeah theyre cool and now im unfortunately stuck in neocity. the twink curse is because i am a twink and i like twinks.. yhats it. also i dont really know how i started liking chenle???? my favs used 2 be jaehyun and ten .. i think its the twink curse yeah

#　　letters #sory for the Yap icsnt control myself #i also think i started liking chenle bcs #one of my irls used 2 tell me Omg u act just like him #and id be like #I HATE NCT #you know

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james-spooky · 3 months ago

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this is a test

#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th #the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo #g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit #ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco #ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo #e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a #ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha #e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t #care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea #y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss #im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop #e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo #ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas #ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can #use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s #much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a #annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically #now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s #lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like #what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or #smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc #ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other #than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140 #haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai #let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o #what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some #one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james #im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh #w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause #ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:

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foxgloveinspace · 6 months ago

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I mean this in the nicest way possible: I wish I was a better friend.

#delete later #I know I’m not a good friend #but i think it’s trauma related #and I know that’s not an excuse #but a reason #and I’m just… also tired of people leaving me #I don’t strike up conversations anymore cause I was the friend who always did so #I was always the one making the effort to be in other peoples lives #and it sucks. ya know.#and sometimes I say dumb things that then like….. makes people not want to be around me I fear #and like…. yeah…. that’s part of life #but I’m just so tired of being alone #I want friends. I want people to send post cards and letters too #and I wanna hang out with people #and I want them to tell me things I want them to tell me how they are feeling #like. online friends are great!!#don’t get me wrong!!#but I know I’m not a great online friend either.#and when I try to be I fear I come off as flirting. like sometimes I am. don’t get me wrong #but I wish I could just… go to a friends house and sit with them and hold their hand when they are having a bad day and have the same done #for me!!!#I am always giving…. I am always giving parts of myself to people who don’t give themselves back #I still know my ex-best friends favorite color but I doubt she knows what mine was when we where friends #if you read this far just…. ignore it oof.#it’s just a rant #sometimes I rant in a tumblr post cause reading rants back in old journals is. bad. for my mental health #my adhd just picks the emotions right back up and then I go through it again. so it’s best to tumblr rant #I’ve also been having complicated gender emotions again #I don’t hate the idea of being a woman/girl as much as I used to. and it’s throwing me off a bit #I mean it’s right on time really… I have a gender crisis almost every four years…

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theflyingfeeling · 8 months ago

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yes it's just me whining about the same thing for the billionth time, pls just scroll past nothing new to see here 👋

#i just want to enjoy the summer but i feel like i don't deserve to if i'm not constantly trying to become employed again 😭#''apply for jobs then? problem solved'' uh-huh yes but!! i also hate applying for jobs #job seeking can be so incredibly humiliating #first i have to send them a letter BEGGING to be invited to an interview #and then i have to try and convince them that i am actually competent and good at my job even though you have my cv right there #and then afterwards they call me to tell me they found someone who they liked better than me #(or rather someone who was more competent than me judging by their work history etc.)#it's like ''yes we are hiring but not YOU specifically lol''#like. at school if you take a test you get the grade you deserve based on how you did in the exam.#it's something you can actually directly affect yourself #but if someone who's applying for the same job with me has more work experience or whatever they will get hired over me no matter what i do #(at least that's how it usually works on my field)#in which case it doesn't matter if i do well in the interview or nah. bc the other person was always going to be picked for the job anyway #and yes one could say i can then be satisfied if i did my best but it's little consolation when i'm still unemployed!!#and so every time i apply for a job and get rejected it feels like a personal failure #and to avoid that feeling of failure i want to avoid applying for jobs altogether #so yeah. being active in job seeking is more likely to relieve me from this misery but job seeking is ALSO misery. so 🤷‍♀️#that on top of the fact i don't even _want_ to apply for all the open positions on my field #but i feel obliged to because it's what i have a degree on. and when i'm unemployed i don't have the luxury to choose which ones i apply fo #i can't afford to be picky #I DON'T DREAM OF LABOUR I JUST NEED MONEY TO LIVE BUT I ALSO DON'T WANT TO DO JUST ANY JOB! I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH FOR THAT!#i don't want to come home crying from work every day because i hate every single aspect of my life INCLUDING my job 😭#when this semester i actually HAD a job i didn't mind waking up to every morning 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#it's not fair it's not fair it's not fair #to conclude i don't deserve to enjoy myself in the summer because i'm not doing enough to fix my unemployement situation #(just like i don't deserve to feel sad about being lonely because i don't work hard enough to maintain deep friendships #but that's a crisis for another day! stay tuned ✌️)

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shot-by-cupid · 6 months ago

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We are unfortunately. SO back

#EVERYONE SHUT UP SHUT THE FUCK UP I NEED TO TALK ABOUT MY MARIO KART AU #basically. we are racers. noooo wayyyyy #we are like. rival racers and he hates me because I’m full of myself and stuck up but GOD am I so so pretty <333 #and I think he’s a annoying and. also full of himself and I NEED to beat him but I’ve got it so bad #idk it’s like a rivals to lovers kinda thing where we’re always at eachothers throats and also…. lips?#GAHHHHFJFHGHHHHAAAGHHH #the romantic tension would go CRAZYY #you know that one scene in cars where lightning gives the king a boost over the finish line? yeah we need some of that over here #waiter! waiter! more angst please!#I need to get into a wretched accident or something #idk #there’s so much potential for this I need to draw #self shipping #f/o community #fictional other #f/o gush #selfship au #Mario #⭐️🍄you’re my superstar #♡.love letters

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anotherpapercut · 1 year ago

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just officially sent in my resignation for my fucking childhood dream workplace

#my boss always talks about her 'guilt complex' lmao. as soon as i have another job and dont need to worry about burning bridges #im sending this bitch a letter detailing exactly why she deserves to feel guilty for the rest of her fucking life #i hope she lies awake at night picturing my face. fully intend on letting her know how close i came to killing myself.#fully intend on intentionally continuously saying its bc SHE MADE ME anxious and SHE MADE ME depressed #since she doesnt believe she can make me anxious #i hope she has to attend therapy. i want to make her feel as guilty as she made me feel like fucking shit #fully just wish nothing but the worst for her for the rest of her lonely miserable life. i hope she realizes soon that everyone hates her #truly one of the people she considers to be a close family member also works in our department and hates her!#talks all the time about how awful she is and how horribly she treats all of us #i hope she feels that hatred every day of her fucking life and i hope she never sees true happiness as a result #until the day that my memories of my childhood refuge from abuse are no longer tainted by HER abuse‚ i pray she never knows peace

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tonhalszendvics · 9 months ago

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What to do when my fic wants to be a Thick One. I like talking I know that, but I wanted to write this fast, so I could read it faster, because – I have no reason to lie – I am doing this for myself. But this is getting longer and longer and I feel like loosing hope. This story will be like all the others, me vomiting words fast, tangling plot and whatnot, then I get a writer's block when I realise I actually have to solve the caused problems.

#this is a letter to The Void #i am screaming my problems into the wide and open air #please ignore this #i'm writing #tonhal pofázik #i should make a tag for this story i'm complaining about it way too much #i thought to myself the other day when i wanted to write but my mind got all foggy when i opened the doc #hey you should start translating those parts that are actually done #hnnnngh #i started it #it's going to be a rollercoaster #me to myself: you speak english. you have an actual certificate of that #also me: *googling the grammar rules of present simple*#also English. why do you hate commas

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takemetodragonstone · 1 year ago

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i have recently been made aware that it’s not normal to feel discomfort and disgust when people use your given name? like that’s not what everyone who doesn’t like their name means when they say they don’t like their name?? hearing mine makes me cringe and sometimes even makes my skin crawl or my stomach drop and you’re telling me most people don’t experience this????

#if you noticed i took my name out of my bio that’s why #also exclusively using they/them pronouns online now #kinda want to try he/they and a new name i picked out but i am a coward #so ill see how i like they/them for now #is this the catalyst of my enby/trans awakening?#if i was more self aware i would have seen it sooner #tbf i did have a masculine nickname in high school that had no relation to my birth name except for beginning with the same letter #i didn’t come up with it myself but i did like it #and my sister has a different masculine/neutral nickname for me #and when my sister and i would play pretend I was always luke when she was leia #also i made half my barbies ftm trans ….. instead of just asking for boy barbies i transed them #I’ve always hated being called young lady or miss or a woman tbh #makes me feel strange. gives me the ick as the kids say #rambling in the tags #these tags are all over the place but im leaving them to document my thoughts lol #personal #trans #nonbinary #gender questioning #lgbtq+#names

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ano-po · 1 year ago

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Doctor 1: I'm telling you, her brain is different.

Doctor 2: She seems normal to me.

Doctor 1: No, the way she PERCEIVES reality is crazy. I don't know what disorder this is specifically.

Doctor 2: It's not schizophrenia?

Doctor 1: No... you'll see.

Doctor 1: Hey, kid.

Me, being normal: Yes doctor?

Doctor 1: Who is Blumentritt in Jose Rizal's life?

Me: ✨ Sugar daddy ✨

#sometimes I ask myself #why I perceive reality this way #if the heroes were alive they would (1) hate me (2) be sweaty cuz we figured it out #Ferdinand Johann Franz Blumentritt #blumentritt #jose rizal #“they're cringing in heaven”#philippines #filipino #heroes #bayani #Blumentritt was just jose Rizal's confidant and he translated Noli #he also financed la solidaridad #they only met once tho #Jose wrote a final goodbye letter to blumentritt and he reportedly cried

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mousegirl-cheerleader · 2 months ago

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It's gettin pretty tough to keep squeakin I'll tell you that much

#this mouse has had her depression intensified again #time to read her journal and remember all the good things she cares about #time to work on moving on from the bad #I need to decide how much time being lonely and hurt I'm going to allow myself #compartmentalisation right #I can take all of this and deal with it later when there's more distance from it #I should also write myself a letter #it's always good to write myself a letter #I think I wanna cry in the shower first though #I was told not to bomb a bridge by someone with a lit stick of dynamite in her hand #standing next to an already bombed bridge #I played my part in stuff but not everything's my fault #and I think I'm gonna go cry about how it feels like that's being ignore for the sake of hating me and proving me wrong #then I'll pack all of this into a box and put it on a shelf in my mind and come back to it when somebody is ready to approach it with me #because I can't keep having this cycle alone #I can't keep listening to all the things I've been made to feel #I can't keep having imaginary conversations and wishing for magical fixes and apologies that might not ever come #god what a shit show #it's wild how fast everything can spiral out of control #and how much you can lose when it happens #I'll find another home some day #I have to believe that and keep moving forward #I'll find family that can be more patient with me and more accepting of their own flaws #I'll find a family that won't hurt me when they see me in a bad spot #i have to #please #i have to believe it's possible #and i really really really want to believe that can be my current family after weve had some time #but i feel so so scared that it cant #so lets shower and then box it up and then we can see what happens in a month I guess

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m0e-ru · 1 year ago

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HAPPY ANNIVERSARY to the day my brain was literally rewired and my gender was being changed by the second SO HERES A GAS STATION SPECIAL before this joint was even a gas station in the FIRST PLACE !!!!

FUCKING FREAK

#kommento #// theres a whole love letter in here dont open these tags it's a readmore equivalent #p4 #⛽️��#moel gas station attendant #tohru adachi #boot.tingting #arttag #// sneak peak before the manager became a manager and only put the uniform on to see how well it would fit and hasnt taken it off since.#// im tearing up because i hate how it's been three years and also i cant find the other notebook so i went through gphotos instead #// also that i miss blorbo so much i miss my old self so much she was so sweet and genuine and the passion and love and everything #// STUPID SEQUENCE OF PHOTOS the way my brain was so fucking rearranged i had to get up and make memes and take screenshots and then #// draw then COME BACK AGAIN to watch the thing that changed my life forever. AGAIN #// sorry was having technical difficluties in yokohama im back istok im normal (affirmation )#// this is literally all me before i started thinking about myself and wondering about my gender then the dysphoria came rushing in like #// some freshwater spring about to make a waterfall and i had to let it settle and get used to the ecosystem with two more years #// took a month where p4gsteam was booted up and i made my own save at some point and finished it on july 8 #// clasped my hands and had a honeymoon period over. mimi <3 then the day after rolled around and i watched the .chair car adventure #// literally my first p4 doodles were mimi and adachi theres no fucking denying it theyre the og. theyve been with me from the start #// theyre so important to me theyre so personal they made me who i am thats why im so mad with the community i have to share them with #// because theyre all so different from me and i took that personally #// IT'S KOKAY !! look at how far ive gone. this is the biggest archival effort ive ever done my entire life ive grown branches #// farther than ive done before ive put such a variety of skills to use just to make myself food and manage this damn station #// and keep some sort of love alive which was all from me and is still from ME !!!#// crying while writing these tags now sorry okyakusan i'll clean it up soon #// these doodles really explaining my mindset from the start and how the grindset has never really changed at all #// it was all friendship for three years and still will be i love adachi i love gas station attendant so much THERE I'M SAYING IT #// cherry on top friend just dm'd me to get an actual job at a gas station IM SHITTING MYSELF #// happy anniversary to my genderest best friend and the most problematic uncle ive ever had #// we're all holding hands and theyre treating me to topsicles because it's all i could ever shamelessly want

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the-travelling-witch · 1 year ago

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How would Scaramouche behave with his children (possibly his son) :)

like a good dad :)

sorry, i already said it but children aren’t exactly my favourite topic and as a man in his early twenties (to me), scara just isn’t the ultimate dad; i tried my best to indulge the other asks but i don’t really want to turn this into a thing

#┊✩彡 divine correspondence ♡#┊✩彡 unsigned letter ♡#┊holly’s modern au ✩彡 #sorry but it’s not for me #other people get baby fever when they see a kid and i make a mental check note to always have birth control #the thought of sitting on a colourful carpet on a sunny sunday afternoon playing with my kid or watching my husband play with them #it makes my stomach turn #and i don’t know why #it’s the epitome of domesticity #but i can’t get myself to like it #normally my mom says that i’m just too young to get it but when i told her that she looked a little shocked #i also never know what to do with them #like others easily entertain them but i never know what to do #it was different when i had an internship in the kindergarten #and people have told me kids tend to like me #but i don’t know what to do #obviously i don’t hate them but i’m always happy if i can give them back to their parents #so kids?#not my cup of tea

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sh1-n0bu · 5 months ago

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“…near pathological obsession with cleanliness, it’s easy to tell of his noble background…” this line makes me wonder if mortefi has some sort of OCD. i wondered if he has some sort of germaphobia due to the later line saying that he gets angry whenever his lab is dirtied but the man works with tacetite weapon so probably not

#nobu.nobu.chat #also his chat 1 voiceline is so soft #it kinda gave me an idea #bUT I HAVE TO FINISH THE LETTER EVENT FIRST GODDAMIT J HATE MYSELF

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shaisuki · 1 year ago

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i’m kinda scared of my old hs classmates trying to reconnect w me bc i was also the chubby quiet girl in school . . . and most of them hated me, so much so to the point where they’d torment me every day just bc i was fatter than everyone else and didn’t have many friends :( and i feel like it’d only be for the sake of clout or them being immature and bitter years after we’ve graduated . . . anyway that might’ve been a bit much but just know that i, along w the rest of us here, are in ur corner !! sending u lots of love and virtual hugs <3 🥺🤍🦋☁️🫶🏾

looking back at it, those are the days i feel used. i remember these circle of hot girls dared one of their friend to borrow my comb and uses it then when she gets back they laughed. the questions of how much i weighed and should do better and stuff made me cry and keel in anxiety. forcing me to speak and stuff. i'm still crying over it.

hs is just so mean that is being fat that bad?

sending back the love and virtual hugs in triple to you, nonnie. thank you!

#💌. shai's letters #hs are just hell on earth #tw bullying #also that one “joke” when they told me i should be tossed in the air and no one should catch me #ghad i really hated myself back then #told me i was stupid for being hurt #the whole class were laughing and i thought i shouldn't exist

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