#but i feel so so scared that it cant
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It's gettin pretty tough to keep squeakin I'll tell you that much
#this mouse has had her depression intensified again#time to read her journal and remember all the good things she cares about#time to work on moving on from the bad#I need to decide how much time being lonely and hurt I'm going to allow myself#compartmentalisation right#I can take all of this and deal with it later when there's more distance from it#I should also write myself a letter#it's always good to write myself a letter#I think I wanna cry in the shower first though#I was told not to bomb a bridge by someone with a lit stick of dynamite in her hand#standing next to an already bombed bridge#I played my part in stuff but not everything's my fault#and I think I'm gonna go cry about how it feels like that's being ignore for the sake of hating me and proving me wrong#then I'll pack all of this into a box and put it on a shelf in my mind and come back to it when somebody is ready to approach it with me#because I can't keep having this cycle alone#I can't keep listening to all the things I've been made to feel#I can't keep having imaginary conversations and wishing for magical fixes and apologies that might not ever come#god what a shit show#it's wild how fast everything can spiral out of control#and how much you can lose when it happens#I'll find another home some day#I have to believe that and keep moving forward#I'll find family that can be more patient with me and more accepting of their own flaws#I'll find a family that won't hurt me when they see me in a bad spot#i have to#please#i have to believe it's possible#and i really really really want to believe that can be my current family after weve had some time#but i feel so so scared that it cant#so lets shower and then box it up and then we can see what happens in a month I guess
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Obsessed with his brain
#read a fic where he had to eat someone in the basement to survive and I am... obsessed#fop#fairly oddparents#fop a new wish#fairly oddparents a new wish#dale dimmadome#fop dale#idk ask to tag#art#digital art#fanart#blood tw#cannibalism tw#ed tw#In my mind his relationship with Dev is crazy. Because he wants to love Dev so badly but he is just. incapable of it.#and it makes him hate himself#On some level he thought seeing Dev would fix him. That he would feel all those things a dad is instinctively supposed to#and it would prove he wasn't broken. That deep down hes still human. that he's still capable of love just like everyone else#.And then he didnt. and he had no idea how to deal with it#In a way hes kind of scared of Dev. Dev makes him feel so uncomfortable with himself. so he just kind of avoids him.#Which um. thats your son sir you cant do that.#I love dale but he should absolutely not be a father. He is just not built for it
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#a doodley#i had to make this blue so tumblr would stop hiding it from the dash#anyway no caption this happened 2 hrs ago#im happy abt my surgery but it and other things this year keep beinging conversations like these up#and i cant handle it at all.#everything my dad tells me just makes me feel worse and not bc its anything bad but bc I Feel Bad#like the conversation then continued to him being like no dont cry im just saying i wpuld have wanted to#quit my job decades ago and set aside money so I wouldnt be struggling as much now but that didnt happen#and i just dont want that to happen to you guys :)#so we have to support u so that your life is what u want it to be#and i cried even more bc what do u mean. thats so sad. ur a person and u were a child and baby once and ur gonna die#and you always almost cry when u talk about your mom who passed away decades ago#and your brothers that passed away#recently and im going to be your age and still sobbing bc i miss my dad. just like i have been prematurely crying about since i was 7#the other day my dad asked my mom if i cried a lot when i was a baby/kid and my mom said no and then my dad#said that when i Did cry it was so severe he thought i would ''drown in my own tears''#bc i could never stop. like. thats still true today. ive been crying on and off since then#i think i mentioned he's just been telling me stories about his life lately and it further fuels this. i get so sad. im sorry your life was#like this. i dont want to die i dont want you to die im sad im sorry im sorry#im scared. im never going to see you again. how horrible. how horrible#i cant enjoy my day today bc every day is a day closer and i get sad
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ewww yuck nastyy
#cw blood#cw gore#osc#osc fanart#object show community#object show#object show fanart#object show fandom#objectified comic#objectified comic fanart#objectified sunny#cw scopophobia#kips art#this drawing is soo experimental but i like it#i feel like this is too much/messy andu cant tell whats going on but i think its fine#this is the only thing il draw relatinf to pale horse#im going back to drawing ww n sunny fluff#my boy.......#pale horse is actually one of my favorite episodes so far despite everything#rn tho i am too scared to reread it because i am a weak weak person
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to the holes in my butterfly wings
#im a coward bc i couldnt see it unfold in real time :) once i saw the press release 40 mins before it went live i logged out of everything#its really hard to articulate how any of this feels because 15 year old kate lives in 22 year old kate's body#and shes been attached to that lovely fucking idiot for all her formative years#its like a part of my childhood just faded away overnight; just out of reach#its like when Roger Federer left they just dont tell you how devastating sports can be#the anger will come and it will be of the biblical variety#but for now im scared 22 yr old Kate and 15 yr old Kate cant console eachother#anyway i made this on the roadtrip back home. he means so much to me. always always. always.#f1#daniel ricciardo
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when you just finished fkng on top of a grave, but you have feelings you gotta sort out (they're just nekkie, but since I dont know the state of tmblr cens0rship - and I had drawings flagged where people were fully dressed before) you get the white halo of doom - but you can see the full pages on my twitter!! I drew some nice butts so pls check them out :3c)
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#bg3 astarion#bg3 spoilers#khael tav#disegna e bevi#khael was this close to let astarion ascend because he was in a Not So Good Place at that point#the shadowlands fucked him up then orin killed yenna and at that point he couldve just let it all go#he only dnd bc he got scared of the kind of person that would made him#I have so many feelings about my baby boy and I cant put them all in these tags I realize jdsjfjsd#I just wanted to play a silly himbo barbarian#otp: Warding Bond
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I genuinely don't think Curly would be as caring for Jimmy as some people depict him in aus where Jimmy gets stuck and burned rather than Curly.
I feel like the realization would truly hit in that moment of what Jimmy did and how bad it was as Curly desperately tries to get him out of the cockpit. He's trying to break in to save Jimmy, but is he? All the thoughts in his head; Jimmy's trying to kill them all, Jimmy's trapped in the cockpit, Jimmy raped Anya, Jimmy's going to die trapped in the cockpit, Jimmy trying to kill them all because of what he did to Anya, and sort of a final Jimmy did this. Is he trying to save him or trying to figure out why? Trying to finally make him take accountability? You can't hold trial for a dead man. Does he want Jimmy to die? Not really, but it'd be easier than figuring out where they go after this. After they drag him out and get his set up in medical and Jimmy refuses to look at anyone but him.
He's the only one who is truly willing to care for Jimmy. I don't think he's keeping him alive for the same reasons, just he can't bring himself to put him down. He wants answers, he wants to be mad. This is the first time he can talk to Jimmy and not have anything spun back at him but he can't get a response. He's never really been able to but for the first time Jimmy actually has to listen and he'll never know if he's actually listening to him this time. It reminds him too much of not understanding Anya. Anya has to care for him and he doesn't want her too, she shouldn't have to but they can't just let him die, can they? Should they? It's easier than hearing him in pain but that's a reminder he did this... even if Curly allowed it to happen.
No one seems to have thoughts on it but him and Anya. They know the reason he crashed the ship but they don't get the logic. Anya does actually, but Curly has to admit he does to. Has to admit he's always known Jimmy's logic behind things, things that need to be "fixed" but he's always taken responsibility and fixed it himself. The first time he really let Jimmy take responsibility and he couldn't, he can't fix anything and Curly know he can't either. He looks at Jimmy and sees every mistake but now he's wondering how many of Jimmy's he's been tacking on to his own. How different are they?
What should he had done to stop it? Maybe this should've happened to him...
Curly doesn't like those thoughts and how they only come when he's stuck with Jimmy, like he's always done to himself. He's way too gentle when he gives Jimmy his pills, too mindful of teeth that always gave him hollow smiles. A tongue that always told half truths, while he held his own. He holds his jaw too kindly and thinks about all the times he's clenched his and smiled for his friends sake. For Jimmy's sake. Jimmy still swallows the pills and struggles, whines like it's not his fault.
He hoped it hurt.
And he's a little scared that he's a little too okay thinking that.
#just i dont think hed sit and that med bay and remines hes staring Jimmy down with anger for the first time in their friendship#whatever tatters of it are left hes letting himself be angry at Jimmy and he cant even give a consequence he doesn't even know how aware or#lucid or able Jimmy is to really grasp all this the sentimental part of him hopes not at all but the part of him thats taken his crap for#all these years that let him get away with so much to him and sadly to others? He wants him awake and aware for every moment like I feel#like hed get close to hitting Jimmy like this and stop himself as he realizes he needs to talk to someone cause he has very no healthy#feelings about himself and Jimmy and the situation and the whole scenerio is defined by him being scared to do the same things that Jimmy#does and just trying to accept that Jimmy was never there for him and he was there for him too much and trying really hard to do right by#everyone else but espcially Anya who'd he have more guilt about than Jimmy obvi but how much of it is him taking responsibility for Jimmy v#the already extreme guilt of not knowing if his crew will get out alive is debatable like he'd want to kill himself but not think he's#deserving and its just him being like okay guys captain curly's got this and then crying while he locks himself in the cockpit#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#captain curly#curly mouthwashing#anya mouthwashing#nurse anya#jimmy mouthwashing
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update on the villain deku animatic
#so close to being done aahahghgg#im scared to check how long this has taken me to make because it feels like were approaching a year#i cant have that on my conscience#bnha#mha#boku no hero academia#artists on tumblr#art#animation#animatic#my hero academia#bnha fanart#villain deku#bkdk#bakudeku#dkbk#dekubaku#league of villains#bakugou katsuki#mha bakugou#katsuki bakugou#deku#midoriya izuku#izuku midoriya#villain deku au
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For the shirt cut meme, maybe Geralt or Yennefer in either of these? 🥵
both. BOTH.
i combined your suggestion with this lovely anon's:
#i was so scared i'd forgotten how to draw them but nah still got it#bc this is me:#geraskefer#yennefer of vengerberg#geralt of rivia#jaskier#the witcher#sart#i'm gonna post these individually bc i cant be bothered to fit them in the template and i have a feeling im gonna go loosey-goosey#w some prompts so#prompts
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its really interesting to me how kaidou says he feels like saiki is protecting/looking out for all of them somehow. like do they all have some kind of innate sense that the Weird Things happening around them are saikis doing? or do you think saiki gives off a strong "if anything happens to my friends im going to become the joker" vibe that he doesnt even notice
#the disastrous life of saiki k.#saiki kusuo no psi nan#saiki k#saiki kusou#hes so expressive sometimes i wouldnt doubt the latter#i can imagine him scaring would-be-bullies away from kaidou with a particularly menacing glare without even really registering it#or like. changing the topic away from teruhashis brother whenever he comes up and teruhashi is around#because he knows it makes her uncomfortable#but he justifies it to himself that its just because he personally doesnt like makoto#it has nothing to do with teruhashis feelings. Obviously#his friends notice hes constantly looking out for them but hes so deep in denial he cant see it himself#anyway i got off track here. ramble over
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do you think it was second nature for subz to save zam? to be his protector yet again, after all of this time? its been years since hes done it and their relationship has changed so much— with things like betrayals, paranoia, and fighting on opposite sides ensuring they have never been what they once were.
and yet. and yet. subz still came; zam called for him at his lowest point of this season, when he needed someone the absolute most bc he was once again all alone, it was subz who saved him and protected him from the person who was hunting and killing him repeatedly— and isnt that achingly familiar?
#lifesteal#lifesteal spoilers#lsshipping#prince zam#itzsubz#subzam#i cant stop thinking about the fact that it was subz#it was SUBZ who came#it was him who answered#who came to zams rescue when he needed it most#and how zam only messaged people for help#but called to BEG mapicc to save subz#bc he was so scared of subz dying#of subz dying for /him/#i feel sick#screaming crying sliding down a wall#its real like#'you came' / 'you called'#energy#yk?#i hate them so bad its unreal#but also im really hoping subz will login more after this#itd be interesting to see him involved in a war he has no stakes in
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"Oh no, someone's attracted to the aesthetics of my -punk movement but doesn't know the praxis and history behind it like I do--"
OK. Tell them. Make it a teaching moment. Everyone who's in your movement learned the background from somewhere at some point, maybe this is that point for that person. Give them a jumping off point that they can dive into later.
"Oh but I shouldn't be responsible for teaching baby -punks about the history and the how-tos and--"
OK. Then don't tell them. You don't have to be responsible for teaching people with a budding interest in your group the ins and outs and how-tos. That's fair and valid! It can be a lot of work. Someone else will handle it
"But I'm annoyed that they would try to claim to be part of/be interested in my community without knowing all the details that I know after being in it for months/years/decades, they're dumb, they're posers, they're--"
OK. Then don't engage with them, if it's that bad. Maybe someone else will come around and tell them the history, maybe they'll pick it up on their own, maybe they'll just enjoy the fashion elements for awhile.
"But they shouldn't claim to be part of the -punk community if they don't know the--"
I feel like we have a few options here. People can either talk to them, share the history, share the values, share the praxis. Or they can just chase off anyone who even thinks about dipping a toe in their community, and then wonder why it's dying off later down the line.
I dunno, maybe I'm too naive and patient or whatever. But if people are entering your -punk spaces without knowing The Rundown of what you feel they need to know, maybe being nice about it and informing people instead of immediately assuming stupidity and malicious intent could help you make a new friend. Even the loudest voices in a space had to learn from somewhere, and not everyone has the luxury of being in the space as the History was Happening--whether it's an age thing or a not being aware of the space thing. Or maybe I just don't see what the big deal is behind people hating people who like the aesthetic of something and don't know the behind the scenes history about it yet.
Because I believe in the word 'yet.' No one comes into this world knowing everything about everything, and we're all constantly learning new things. I'm not gonna degrade someone and call them a poser for not knowing what I know. Because if it were me, interested in a scene but getting chased out and called a poser? I wouldn't hit the books and study up, I'd go 'that fuckin sucks, those people sucked' and then avoid anyone and anything having to do with it.
So chase people off and call them posers if you want. But if your community starts dwindling, don't be fucking shocked.
#out of queue#ani rambles#punks and posers#i cant even call this a 4am hot take because its 7pm but like#idk i keep seeing posts about like 'how DARE people think I bought my punk clothes how DARE they not know the how-tos and DIYs'#or 'ugh people only care about the ~aesthetics~ of my movement if you don't know shit get out of here' and like#maybe I'm just a shy ass introverted nerd whos scared of social rejection! but I avoid that shit like the plague#so if someone were to reject me based on not knowing about something I'd never even heard about? something i was JUST getting into?#there's a high chance I'd just scram and never look back. i don't wanna be the one who causes that emotion in someone else#granted this is coming from someone who STILL doesn't know how to make her own patches or worked up the courage to do direct action praxis#outside of offering neighbors to my tomatoes and trying to talk to people about what I'm passionate about#but still imo unless someone's a malicious intentional bad actor i dont see the point in scaring newbies off#thats how movements die imo#i know this is my solarpunk blog but its not a solarpunk specific thing#i think the main post that inspired this was about store-bought versus self-made spiked leather jackets#which honestly just feels petty to me but who knows.#might delete later
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You ever see someone you want to do horribly disgusting kinky shit with but also be so wholesome with after? Like lets fuck and experiment until we're both out of breath, have came multiple time and are fully satisfied then let's snuggle up together. Tangled up in each others arms, wanting to be as close to each other as possible while trying to catch our breath. Big silly smiles thinking about how perfect it all was, trailing little kisses and nuzzling into each other, drifting off to sleep in a little blissful bubble
#i know its basically aftercare but its more about the connection#that desperate need to be so close and just wanting the moment to never end#sharing it with someone you trust and love and get to relive similar moments over and over#cant wait to find that person even if im sort of scared to try and look for them#i cant sleep with someone im not in a relationship with because i get way too attached and have to many feelings#have to be in it for the long hall if you want this pussy#Ns/fw post#ns/fw blog#ns/fw#ns/ft blog#ns/ft#fdom#bd/sm blog#bd/sm kink#bd/sm community#k!nk blog#k!nk community#petpl@y#puppy sub#subby puppy#soft fem dom#pet pl4y#cvm wh0re#br33d1ng#cvmaddict
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One makes him up, so the other can break him down.
This is a little terrifying but hello!! Posted my first fic on ao3!! I would've saved the illustrations for the fic's eyes only, but I'm too happy with them haha. Hope you'll still go on to read regardless!!
As always, my thoughts and progress, since I can't help myself:
I'm soooooo proud of these. I never ever really do dramatic lighting, so I'm really surprised that I pulled it off.
It's surreal actually posting this because for a while, I've thought about how if I ever post a fic, I'll have to make illustrations too because I can't do anything not full force. Look at me now! I'm shocked. Also didn't think I'd finish it tonight, but here it sits before you nevertheless(though as always, I'm writing this past my bedtime before class, time efficient as always.) So with that being said, here are some notes, though if I had known I'd be writing this so soon, I would've prepared more lol.
First of all, I hope it's clear both of these are Mark's perception. Gah, the fact that his face is the only one you can see clearly. The first is obviously him unwillingly fantasizing about what exactly went down last night.
Aghhhhh the difference in colors and settings of the two drawings is so important to me. The warmth and intimacy of the bed behind curtains in the first one, and the coldness and openess of the second. It's so clear Mark feels like he's been distanced, like he's been ousted. It's like he's been thrown outside on a cold winter's day, no longer able to feel the heat from the comfortable warm stove inside.
Mark was probably assigned to Seb bcs he has a much greater appreciation for the Spanish etiquette, which Seb has very little interest in. He'll abide by it when he absolutely has to. But he's just a very non-typical Emperor. People find it charming so it's not a public death sentence for him, but it is an issue. Thus, Mark is there to keep him in line. Though important to note that when Fernando, who has an equal if not greater respect for the showmanship of etiquette, realizes Mark is interested in that as well, they start warming up to each other.
The inherent disrespect of Fernando just. Throwing Seb's clothing onto the floor. Meanwhile he probably took like, 20 minutes folding his up(that's what Seb was gonna tell Mark at the end of the fic.) Borderline ripping off Seb's clothes only to edge him. Its not even like the ripping off the clothes is because of passion or anything, he's deliberately being an asshole. Don't worry Nandl, Seb's turned on by it!
So sorry to marknando fans if their dynamic feels like a complete 180 haha. Its not like I'm like, they actually hate each other!! It's just their relationship under completely different circumstances. They're like two dogs in a dog fight, they don't have any real reason to hate each other, but they're put against each other regardless. They don't understand their hatred, just know that they have it and that they're supposed to have it. The inherent hatred the mistress has for the spouse, and vice versa. If they actually were able to talk without barriers, they'd realize they actually get along pretty well. They kinda just hate each other because of their respective relationships to Seb. And then there's Seb who's mostly completely oblivious to his effect, though of course plays with it a bit.
Seb's marriage completely recontextualizes their relationship in Mark's eyes. Though there's something incredibly sado-masochistic about the way he can't blame Seb for it at all. He's a loyal dog after all. But when it was just them, he was obviously Seb's main companion and lover. Seb definitely slept with people on the side, but Mark brushed that off: 1. Bcs its very period typical. 2. He was the main, they were the side, what more needs to be said! But now *he's* the side piece, and is left wondering if their relationship was down to proximity alone. Not to pull a Mark and completely excuse Seb, but it's not. Just very different perceptions of love and relationships. And again, as I've mentioned before, he was raised to always be the most important person in the room, so he obviously has very different understandings, especially since he's always the center.
NANDL!!!!!! In my Habsburg book I've been reading lately, they randomly referred to one of them affectionately as "Nandl" and it's stuck in my head ever since. Can we start a movement to canonize that as an official Fernando nickname? I'm sooooo fond of it, I litrally ended the fic that way just so I could shoehorn that nickname in.
Speaking of the ending. It was really tough, I almost wanted to have Fernando burst in, looking for his ring, and then coming across whatever that is. But I didn't want to disrupt their moment anymore, it felt cruel. Though shame I couldn't mention that the reason why Seb's pants are nowhere to be found is because Fernando accidentally put them on and didn't realize till he was out of the room.
*I FORGOT TO POINT OUT ONE OF MY FAVORITE PARTS! Truly the danger of writing a post while falling asleep. There's something so incredibly funny to me the way they're talking so refined and then Seb just throws out: "that guy." It's a way to show his own disrespect of Fernando, not even using his name, implying he's just some guy(nur ein Kerl.) I laughed writing it cause it reminds me of the random dry humor anecdotes I've read lately.
#GAAAHHH WHY DO I ALWAYS WRITE THESE WHEN I START FEELING SLEEP DIZZY#haha anyways. first fic!!! so terrified icl#i really cant tell if this makes sense or appeals to anyone but me#BUT I LIKE IT AND THATS ALL THAT MATTERS#im ngl i started feeling way too existential and self critical of it so i somehow pushed myself to finish it despite#working on it w a lot of delay and fuss for the month prior#yay for being anxious and self hating i guess....?#waugh anyways please reblog/comment and let me know what you think!!!!!!!#im desperate to know how others perceive this slddsfjls#though im a little scared this fic is too mean LOL#f1#formula 1#mark webber#sebastian vettel#fernando alonso#catie.art.#boy king au#sebmark#martian#vettonso
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grief
#vent but ok to rb#barrel#sfw furry#my ocs#miss you so much dude#you left in 2013? 2014? god i cant even remember My memory keeps getting worse#has it really been that long? i still feel like a scared child#it hurts
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i like them together....
#a doodley#jumpscaring everyone again#im stilll deciding talons nose shape#saw a nose shape that looked a lot like his the other day and im trying to integrate it with the old way i used to draw it too#undecided if he should have very visible nostrils or if theyre more hidden like al's#speaking of al he's existed for over a decade and im still deciding eye color!#i feel his whole scheme fits the light grey or green eyes ive always given him#but. light eyes scare me and he is my forever girl. so we're leaning brownish again rn#it all goes back to brown. like how i cant stop drawing talon with his original eye color when he's meant to have the scary purple eyes#as a vampyre#AND FINALLY im trying to find a way to add more texture to talons face#i have to do more intentional wrinkles around the eyes and sockets that add form#i give al his acne scars + bumps + pores#wanted to give talon liver spots but he is a vampire! no sun exposure!#might also just do like. bumps and blemishes#the illusion of rugged skin
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