#also the way this is true for him emotionally too - yes I'm still thinking of spock in his autobiography

[imadhatt3r]

It kinda irks me when people call Black Mask "Truekechi", because that's not really the case...? Not entirely, at least.

I mean yes, of course, Black Mask IS a part of Akechi's personality, I'm not denying that. The thing is, that it isn't Akechi's WHOLE personality. This kid just went through the biggest crashout of his life, his whole plan he's been meticulously working on for years failed, and the worst part is that it didn't even lead to what he was after, so he didn't even get the revenge he wanted. Of course he's unstable and edgy, I mean, who wouldn't be?

That is not to say that his anger and edginess aren't a part of his "true self"; I'm sure that his glee at taking out shadows is absolutely real, for example, but I believe that it comes from him just being angry in general- at Shido, at Maruki, and at himself. Akechi is rough around the edges, has a short temper and has a tendency to look at others from above, but the situation he's in boosts these parts of his personality as a sort of defense mechanism.

I think that his mementos conversations give a really good insight into this too; Perhaps it's due to my older age compared to the characters in-game, but a lot of Akechi's lines feel so... Forced on his side? He's the one to bring up that other Thieves probably don't want to have him on the team, or that they're unsettled by how he fights, but nobody even said anything about it in the first place...? Even other characters seem kinda done with his act, either that or they accept him being on the team due to their shared goals; Some are even quite nice and friendly, all things considered. This just feels like Akechi's self-loathing twisting itself into this kind of quips because he himself doesn't want to get too comfortable on the team; He's scared of growing closer to the other Thieves, so he tries to keep them at arm's length. He can't just tell them "I think I'm a horrible person" straight up (his pride wouldn't let him), so he has to make himself "unappealing" in other ways.

There's also the other side of these conversations, where you can see him just... Being a kid. He whines about being hungry, or thirsty, or his legs getting stiff in the car, he talks about mundane things with other Thieves like graduation or sports... He's just a teenager as much as his teammates are- it's just that the others weren't hired as assassins at 15 and didn't grow up obsessed with the plan to kill their father. His emotional development and maturation process have clearly been impacted, on top of everything else he had to deal with. So he may act "adult" and more mature than others at first glance (at least before he reveals Loki), but inside he is just as much (if not more, in some aspects) of a kid as the other Thieves are. This means that he is still at the age and mental development level where he is still figuring out himself, who he is, what path to follow etc. It also means that he is prone to being overly dramatic, emotionally extreme, and have poor emotional control- you know, teen stuff.

The key to it all becomes his ultimate persona, Hereward. We all know that Akechi has two personas, but he doesn't get two ultimate personas, he gets only one. I think that it's symbolic of his psyche slowly melding itself into one again. It's not that either one of his "sides" was truly fake or real; Both the Detective Prince and Black Mask ARE parts of the "real" Akechi- it's just that he has been systematically compartmentalizing his whole self into two for YEARS. The awakening of his ultimate persona is him starting the process of healing and allowing these two sides of him to mix and reconnect back into one.

I honestly think that, with enough time and the right environment, Akechi's most extreme traits would even themselves out, and he would stop being AS short-tempered, snarky, and blood-thirsty as he is in the game. He will never be the perfectly plesant Detective Prince, but he also won't be the angry, self-loathing and vengeful Black Mask. He will be something new, something different, a fusion of the two opposite ends of his personality spectrum. Only then he will live as his fully true self.

[empty-vessel-of-a-person]

Are LaDS Men V!rg!n Pre-Relationship with MC in LaDS present timeline?

Note: This is a personal take and observation in the LaDS men memories, short stories, phone call, messages, and etc. Nothing is confirmed by Infold and I maybe wrong/missed something from their memories. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

Zayne - Yes

This is easy and Zayne confirms it himself. He mentioned that MC is his only experience. Although they are not romantically involve when they were still kids, (I strongly stress on this one as some creep send an anon message to me before that it is creepy to think that they have relationship pre-LaDS present timeline. Well They are not in a relationship. So hold your horses) I feel like he is strongly bound to her emotionally.

The need to protect her is strongly etched to him. Remember the wonderer attack when they are still kids?(Source: Nostalgic Sweetness) He wanted to cheer her up by freezing her melted popsicle. It maybe a crush or puppy love (whatever you wanted to call it) But this is his pure affection towards MC and he take it until he is an adult.

By the time they are reunited, they were awkward with each other but MC is the first one to show affection. She told him to not disappear again and constantly look up for him. I firmly believe that MC has crush with Zayne too because she remembers him well even with a blotchy memory.

Xavier - NO!!!

Before you kill me, just hear me out. Xavier's age is virtually unknown. For one, they never revealed it and two, Jeremiah was even uncomfortable about the topic of Xavier's age (source: Celestial Message). But who do I think he is been with? I Highly suspect that it is MC herself.

So how is his age and MC been related on him not to be a virgin, you say? Think about it this way, back when they Philos, it seems like (I feel like) he was already in a relationship with MC. That star ornament that MC is bothered about was from her (again not confirmed). And this previous/forgotten lifetime (by MC) they have already done it. Why else will he be so comfortable having very spicy and intimate time with her?

One of also the indication of them being intimate in the previous life was his being territorial with MC. He sometimes get a bit of Yandere vibe (I not really sure it its the correct type of dere to label him) but he kinds of a little bit rough when handling people who got overly close to MC. (Source: Myth and Celestial Message.)

Among all the LaDS men, he and Sylus shows sign in knowing what to do during the intimate moments.

Rafayel - Yes

Despite his flirty and confident demeanor, this baby is really a big baby! Don't get me wrong, he is not that innocent, he knows the deed (Source: gem Affection, Omnipotent perception, Your Fragrance, and Ebb and Flow) But he does not do the did, at least not yet.

Unlike Zayne and MC, who clearly hinted spending the night together (Source: Business Trip, Snowy Serenity, Hidden Motive and Moonlit Dream) Rafayel and MC after the kindled moment seems to be sleeping apart or Rafayel was out of the room or was fully dressed already (source: before Sunrise)

Some may argue that they already did it on "Gem Affection", they perhaps did, but what I'm infinitely having a debate with myself is, how Rafayel is kinda Distant again by "Into the Canvas". I don't mean distant physically, but him and MC is still do not seem in a relationship. They do not communicate well to establish plans in meeting up and he was just kinda following her around.

In the "Tailwag Moment" he was shocked and shy when he nuzzles MC. True it was kinda heated, but if you are already physically intimate with someone (specially guys) the awkward moment and hesitation to touch your lover disappears.

I also don't believe that Rafayel is a friends-with-benefit type of guy. This man is so devoted to MC and search for her when she disappears.

Sylus - Not Sure

Since Sylus was still fairly new compared to the other men, I do not have a strong assumption on whether he is a virgin or not. But if you ask how I personally feel about him, I will say yes, he is a virgin.

From here on out is just assumptions base on his current known memories.

Despite being rough and how he manhandles MC, he is actually giving me an Edward Cullen Vibe (OLD SCHOOL VIBE) Oh my gosh! I am old. Like Edward, Sylus have some heated moments with MC (mainly on Secret Times). Yes they are spicy, but it never really hinted that they pass more than heated make out.

We are also yet to see him kiss MC on the lips. And although, he already kiss her in the head, this is after he gave her a ring. (Thinking about a Victorian Type of Courting) He take her to dates, bring her food, give her flowers, and going on rides. I applaud Infold for creating Sylus as a guy who is mostly rough but he definitely have a sweet side.

He worries about MC, hum while cooking, and taking selfies with her.

I have mentioned this before in my previous entry, But Sylus never inappropriately touch MC. True he like to carry MC but never lays a hand in any parts of her other than her wrist. He also doesn't initiate her or gauge her into touching him.

His relationship with MC is Definitely HOT but not yet intimate.

As for previous partners, I don't think he have any as he is looking for MC as well.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

curious about your take on riddle's dream. i have seen people en masse claim that riddle yearns to a deliquent/"if he wasn't traumatized, he would be in a pop music club" and... it feels like such a literal interpretation (although there are some who are obv just joking) to the point of misinterpretation? i'm not very invested in riddle's story arc, but to me it read like a pretty clear "what if i was the worst version of myself (which riddle has been raised to see as being disobedient) and i was still loveable".

[You can read my thoughts on the book 7 chapter 12 part 3 update here!]

I think there’s a lot of different ways to interpret the dreams because of how… vaguely they’re written + their length + every player coming into the dreams with their own experiences which inform their POVs. For this reason, I don’t feel comfortable outright stating X or Y interpretation is “wrong”, and nor do I wish to be used as a means to validating one interpretation over the others. All I’m going to do this ask is explain how I personally interpreted Riddle’s dream. That’s all.

I don’t think Riddle wants to be a delinquent; this would be conflating a child’s desires to that of a delinquent. Yes, Riddle was detained be a police officer—but not for any violence or serious criminal actions. He was detained for singing in front of the police station (without a license) and causing a public disturbance (because of his amplifiers). Furthermore, Riddle doesn’t engage in any other criminal behaviors (unless you count not going to school, but a minor isn’t usually held liable for that; the onus is on his parents for not sending him). I think it would be more accurate to say that Riddle’s wishes are very child-like ones. He wants to be able to play with his friends all day, he ignores studying and obeying rules, he can eat tarts and drink sugary tea whenever he wants, he has doting parents that are always emotionally there for him, etc. These are not marks of delinquency, they are the innocent longings of an inner child that never got to be recognized.

While I don’t think it’s a guarantee that Riddle would be in Pop/Light Music Club had he had a more lenient mother, I do think that Riddle would want to explore creative outlets. He is noted as having a very strong imagination, but is limited in his life experiences and struggles to think for himself or to act outside of the concrete, as is defined by rules and laws. If these restraints were loosened up and he had actually been allowed and encouraged to explore other avenues, he might have found an interest in the arts and expressing himself through that. It could be a visual medium, a written medium, a musical medium, whatever.

I think music is what we jump to right away because he has a band in the dream, but I could easily see him dabbling in other areas too. Maybe music was chosen because it’s a group activity, and Riddle longs to be that setting. A happy family, a boy with lots of friends, you name it. You could also argue that Riddle went with music because that’s what he knew from his dorm members. Adeuce are in athletic clubs, which Riddle is sort of rubbish at, and Trey is in Science Club, which of course covers topics Riddle would already be studying irl. Cater’s club is the only one with a significant degree of creativity allowed. Riddle might have based his hobby in the dream off of Cater’s experiences. One telltale detail that supports this theory is that Riddle mentions people keep leaving because the band can’t stick to one genre, which is also true of Cater’s irl Pop/Light Music Club. Another thing to consider is that Riddle is able to conjure the look of delicious cakes and cookies but not replicate the taste because he’s not familiar with it. You could say this is also true of his being in a band. He looks the part, but we never hear him participating in it—perhaps because Riddle could have seen Cater rushing to a club meeting in his outfit, but not have actually heard him play. Therefore, it’s possible that Riddle’s dream is just pulling from his shallow understanding of what “being in a band” is about… the camaraderie of it. This, again, loops us back to Cater’s relationship with his fellow club members. It’s less about the actual playing and more about the vibes and hanging out with one another. Maybe Riddle heard stories from Cater about this and got curious? This same logic applies to other aspects of his dream. He seems to emulate what he has heard from his dorm members in general. Loving parents who are there for him (like Trey), the bout of delinquency (like Deuce), the ability to speak his mind (like Ace). Riddle is wanting to be more like his peers, who were able to have “normal” experiences. To me, it feels like he used his dorm members as templates (which he combined with his own desire to have a fulfilling childhood) because Riddle himself doesn’t have a clear concept of what it means to live freely. After all, he only has like 1-2 months of playing with Trey and Chenya to go off of compared to a few years with his Heartslabyul classmates.

As I said earlier in this post, I don’t think the Riddle we see in the first layer of his dream is meant to be “the worst version of himself” or “Riddle but disobedient”; it reads as more of Riddle indulging in everything he missed out on in his childhood. Sweets, parental love, playing all day with friends, loudly and openly expressing himself through music, exploring creative ventures, making happy memories… I don’t believe these are bad things or borne out of Riddle wanting to be rebellious or disobedient, they’re just consequences of acting like a kid.

I do find it interesting that so many aspects of himself were entirely written over. However, I don’t see it as Riddle thinking he has to be a different person (as in, having a different personality?) in order to be worthy of love. Riddle was definitely still able to make friends as a child even with the quiet personality he had then. It was possible. Nothing in his backstory makes me think Riddle believes he wasn’t deserving of love—but he may think that love has to be earned, that love is conditional. And what is that condition? Following the rules, obeying, performing well in exams. That’s what he was taught would earn him success and his mother’s love and that’s what he enforced in early book 1. I think… Riddle definitely wants to be someone else, but in the sense that he wants to be born into different circumstances. Parents that get along, a dad that has time for him, a mom that dotes on him, no magic, no expectations to shoulder, lax rules, etc. This ties in with Riddle wanting to live the childhood he feels he never had. A childhood where he had no friends, where he studied all the time, where his mother calorie counted for him, where he was not allowed to play video games or watch movies, where he was not allowed to choose his own clothes or career or anything. Several of these sentiments were expressed post-OB.

Now that being said, everything I just discussed covers only the first layer of Riddle’s dream. I see the idea of Riddle thinking he has to be someone else coming through a little stronger in the second layer of his dream. That’s the part where everyone is being chased through the destroyed rose maze. Here, we see a much more extreme and even more domineering Riddle than what we saw in book 1. He lords over his students such that even his versions of Ace and Deuce have fallen into line and mindlessly follow his commands. The mob students are scared of him—and though Riddle is aware of it, he is content. They salute him and praise him for his iron fist. He is the most correct, after all. He is ruling just as his mother would, he is being the person his mother wants him to be.

This is expanded upon further in the third layer of his dream, in which he faces his inner darkness. Riddle confronts the truth: that he is desperate to cling onto the dorm leader seat, because that’s all he has going for him. He has driven away his classmates, who fear him and resent him. There’s his mother, but she has not granted him the affection he craves, and her approval is conditional. He is alone and unloved. This potentially recontexualizes details seen in earlier layers. Why is Riddle in a band? Maybe because he wants to be like Cater, who seems easygoing and approachable. Why does Riddle live many other aspects of his dorm members’ lives? Why do the characters conjured by Riddle’s darkness to fully believe that Cater wants to transfer to Scarabia—a dorm known for having a friendly and relaxed leader? It could suggest an insecurity in Riddle, a worry that he, as he is, is not enough. Not smart enough for his mother’s approval, not kind or cheery or normal enough to make friends. So all he has is his crown, which he reverently claims to. It’s one of the few things he has to call his own, a decision he made for himself and something he earned through his own merit.

But ultimately, I see Riddle’s truest desire as… being his own person, having his own independence and things he chose for himself. Not letting himself be ruled by the shadow of his mother. (His Phantom fittingly seems to dangle him on strings, as if Riddle is its puppet or marionette.) It doesn’t mean complete chaos or anarchy, and it doesn’t mean being like other people. It means defining his own rules for how he should live. Walking forward on his own path. Making his own identity, not tied down to that of his mother. Riddle is so used to being to do what to do or how to be—by his mom, by some arbitrary set of rules. The fact that he confesses to the things he actually wants after his OB… that he wants to stand up to his mother over winter break… that he confronts the dream version of his mom with the declaration that he will open this door with his own hand, that he will walk forward on his own path… I think that says a lot.

…. Weeeeell, like I said at the start, that’s one interpretation 🤷‍♀️ It’s not necessarily “correct”, and it’s liable to change (especially since all of this information is still very fresh; I’m still taking the time to digest it myself). The wibbly wobbly dream magic is open enough to invite all kinds of interpretations, so I encourage you to take this all with a grain of salt and to come to your own conclusions?

I think it’s interesting that it’s Riddle’s dream that has resulted in many different interpretations, especially on the English speaking side? I wonder if that’s because the average EN player skews younger, so those fans can relate a lot with the struggle for identity and finding freedom from one’s parents, even if their circumstances aren’t exactly the same as Riddle’s. We project our own experiences and feelings onto Riddle, which informs our interpretation of his dream.

[murfpersonalblog]

My 2 Cents on Sinners - 10/10 (No Spoilers)

Ok, just got back from seeing Sinners today, and omg I wanna watch it all over again--I need the OST immediately.

Heads Up: there is a HUGE post-credits scene, which is hilarious, since in my cinema so many people got up and left during the credits before seeing one of the best scenes in the dang film. 🤣 And that's another thing--

Have PATIENCE with this movie. This is NOT your run of the mill braindead vampire slasher flick. And this isn't Nosferatu either (which I gave an 8/10), with the vampire as a constant presence from start to finish. Dare I say Sinners is SLOW to "start," but I hate that--Sinners is less about vampires, and more about the special relationship African Americans Down South have with MUSIC: specifically the Blues.

This movie takes its time, as the musician Samuel Moore recounts what happened to him when the Smokestack Twins came home. You follow the three men as the Twins rebuild their community connections, catching up on everything they've missed since they've been gone. Samuel is arguably THE protagonist, although the Twins are technically the MCs. I wouldn't say Sinners is a Musical--it's more like a bioflick about a musician: his love of music, and how special & powerful his music was, that it changed him and quite literally everyone around him. 👀

THEN you get the vampires 1/3rd of the way into the movie. And THEN you get all the action halfway or maybe 2/3rds of the way in. I saw some folk say they were bored, but they just had the wrong expectations! 🤷 This is a horror film, yes, but it's also historical fiction, using vampires as an allegory for so many societal issues, from religion & morality, to racial tensions & communal/kinship bonds. It's like Ryan Coogler heard the Bipoc fandom from AMC's Interview with the Vampire loud & clear, and crafted this absolute masterpiece; I was thinking about the Smokestack Twins and the DPDL Brothers the entire time. (I'd LOVE to hear Jacob Anderson's opinions about Sinners, as an IRL musician who plays a Black vampire during Jim Crow.)

But I'm not done talking about the freaking MUSIC, jfc. 😭🎶 The MIXING--not just of the sound mixing for the songs, but of the GENRES too. 🤯 Y'all who've seen the movie already know EXACTLY what I'm talking about--they weren't kidding!

"There are legends of people with the gift of making music so true, it can conjure spirits from the past…and the future. This gift can bring fame and fortune. But it also can pierce the veil between life and death."

(IWTV fans are running around creaming themselves over Lestat being a rockstar in S3--I DARE AMC to make a song HALF as good as the songs Samuel & Pearline sang in Sinners. HOLY GOD. Daniel Hart, take effing notes--the bar has just been set! 😤)

But TBF it's not just music though--even the sound design & audio in Sinners is crazy good--they play so many tricks with echoes/reverberations & drums & foot stomping & strings & humming--it's an eerie & emotionally intense auditory rollercoaster that got my heart thumping like mad--you have to experience it for yourself.

What I also love is how unapologetically BLACK Sinners is. I was rolling at how many white people were in my cinema SILENT at the end of the film, while the Black people were all clapping, like laaaaawd, this movie is NOT here to hold white folks' hand, or paint white folk in a good light. 😅 In Black Horror, the white man IS the white devil, eff your sob sob story! It doesn't matter what's going on amongst us, what we're up to that's right or wrong--what matters is the inherent FEAR/WARINESS/MISTRUST of white people that Black people felt (STILL feel, LBR), esp. during Jim Crow, and esp. Down South, with the Ku Klux Klan running amok, ready to lynch Black folk for so much as existing. And Remmick's gaslighting & manipulation & sweet-talking~~~! OOOOO it was so dang good, but I'll save that for my Spoilers post.

But yeah, I really don't know what else I can say without spoiling the mess outta this movie, so I'll cut myself off here. All I have to say here is that Sinners is A SENSORY DELIGHT. I loved every bit of it, and I like this WAY more than Black Panther 1 & 2 combined.

My ONLY complaint is more of a nitpick: I didn't like how the blood looked. It was too pale & watery IMO, I didn't like the color/consistency, which is irksome in a VAMPIRE movie--you really gotta get the blood just right, esp. since we see so much of it. But other than that, I literally have zero complaints or gripes; this was a wonderful experience from start to finish.

[gallaghercest]

Lyric Analysis - It's a Crime

Ok, this reunion really messed with my head. It feels like a dream come true. I never imagined to experience this. I've been listening to Oasis non-stop since the 27th. I've been obsessing with these two fuckers in such a way that I haven't done since I was 16.

My current obsession has been It's A Crime. It's a demo from 1999, SOTSOG era. A few years later it was released as a single during the Don't Believe The Truth era as "Let There Be Love". Mind you that LTBL is the second song Liam and Noel sing together, the first being Acquiesce - yes, that one where Noel sings they need and believe in each other.

I always knew these lyrics were a huge piece of evidence, but for some reason, I never managed to understand what it meant. It was sort of an enigma to me.

Well, let's get into it. It won't be anything groundbreaking, just my thoughts on the lyrics as I need to vent with someone.

Disclaimer: I don't ship Liam and Noel, these are only thoughts and theories about their relationship, and this is all merely for entertainment purposes. Noel/Liam, if you're reading this, please don't sue me. I'm cool.

Before we start, I'd like to remind you of My version/timeline of Liam and Noel's relationship as this will help you understand my analysis:

Their thingy started around 1992, as Liam and Noel got closer to each other because of Oasis;

I firmly believe Noel was the starter, hence Lock All The Doors (1992) lyrics. Why did Liam agree with that? Fuck knows. I'd die to know that;

Noel was the one who showed more affection/was head over heels in love during 1992-1995. He was always writing about Liam and treating him like a God. Liam loved Noel too but I just think he had more important things to care about, he didn't really see how important Noel's love and public displays of affection were. He was too immature to realize that and value Noel's love. We know Noel is a cold person by nature so showing his vulnerable side to Liam was something important to him, but Liam couldn't understand that;

Then we have 1996. Boom. That was the first time their ""relationship"" was in crisis. I don't know if it was because of their wives or if a single episode we're unaware of led to a crisis. I sadly don't have that info. I also believe Noel went to Mustique Island as a way to cope with/escape this crisis. He recorded nearly all the demos for Be Here Now there, including If We Shadows and Untitled. Haha. The boy was depressed as hell;

Things seemed to get a lot better in 1997-1998;

1999-2001 is a strange period, it seems off - they seemed more distant, but at the same time, there are some hints Noel was still willing to give themselves one more try. I don't have many thoughts on that period;

2002: they seemed to be on pretty good terms, but guess what: from this year onwards, their roles switched - Liam started to be the one who's most affectionate, and more passionate and needy, while Noel was more distant, and cold. That was their dynamics until 2007-2008;

2009 was a terrible year for them so I won't even bother to comment on that.

Well, you can say what you want But you won't get a thing from me And if you don't understand That's it's not in your hands you need Let there be love

You'll notice that, throughout the song, Noel uses the words "want" and "feel"/"mean" in the first line of each verse, because there's a difference between what Liam wants to say and what Liam needs to say. We'll get into that later on.

I think this verse supports what I said about Noel being emotionally unavailable during the SOTSOG era and post-2002. I don't know what happened in 1996 but he seemed to be extremely bitter ever since (1997 being an exception). No matter how many times Liam told him he loved Noel, no matter how Liam showed his affection or begged for Noel's attention, he wouldn't get it. The old Noel was dead.

The last three lines, in my opinion, show that what Liam needs is Noel's love, something that's irreplaceable in his life: there's nothing Liam can do on his own that would replace what they have, and no one else on Earth could give Liam the same love - so it's really not in his hands. This also accentuates how Noel likes to be in charge/have power.

"Let there be love". Noel is telling Liam that he should let love take over him, and thus be more expressive. Noel always says how Liam is an angry man, etc, so this is just a message to remind him that he's still able to love.

But you can say what you feel And it might never steal from me And then you must understand That it's all in your hands what you need Let there be love

English is not my first language so I have no idea if the "steal from me" is an idiom that means anything other than the regular meaning of it. The first line shows that all Noel wanted was Liam to be more verbal about them i.e. show more affection.

Third and fourth lines show that Noel's way of loving solely depends on Liam's actions - if Liam shows his love, Noel's happy and will express his love too. By saying that, we must think: does that mean Noel's love is not unconditional? Does it mean a huge part of Noel's obsession with Liam was a need to feel approved and needed by Liam, which is (plot twist) basically the exact same way Liam felt about Noel during… his entire life? In the end, both wished for the same thing from each other but were poor communicators.

Again, Noel thinks his love is all Liam needs, but Liam is unaware of it.

And I never knew But all the things that you've done Are coming right back to you But everybody knows that it's no crime

1994 Noel would never have imagined that their relationship would be in shambles in 1996, or that they would go through such emotionally-distant periods, ever.

My understanding of this whole verse is that Noel was aware that Liam was getting his karma, not only regarding their relationship but with life in general, and Noel never imagined that would ever happen, as Liam always seemed to get away with absolutely everything when they were younger.

Although Liam and Patsy had Lennon in 1999, they got divorced in 2000, so we can suppose things were not very nice when this demo was recorded. Although Liam was sober around the SOTSOG recordings in 1999, he was Drunk™️ as hell on the second Wembley night in 2000. Liam didn't value Noel's love in the early years, and now he's paying for that "mistake". In Noel's mind, that's no crime. People reap what they sow, whether that's good or bad.

But does it make you feel ashamed? You never said what you've done And there's no need to blame But everybody knows Yeah, everybody knows Everybody knows that it's no crime It's no crime

These lines are sort of a mystery to me. "You never said what you've done". What does Noel mean by that? Is he talking about the 1ncest? Or is Liam not able to admit he failed to meet Noel's emotional needs? I believe it is the latter. In Noel's mind, that would be a reason for Liam to be ashamed, but at the same time, he can't blame him, since Noel was the one who started all of this.

For a second, while I was reading the lyrics, I realised the first three lines were kind of familiar to me. Then I had an epiphany and noticed that Noel has written something similar in Stay Young, released in 1997: They're making you feel so ashamed/Making you taking the blame. As I always say, guilt, blame, shame, being a sinner, and wanting to escape from people are recurrent themes in Noel's lyrics. I wonder why…………..

So you can say what you want But you'll not get a thought from me But if you say what you mean Then you might get a thing from me Let there be love

This just reflects what I said above: if Liam says whatever he pleases - or, in this case, if he's not verbal with Noel -, Noel will shut down. However, if Liam says what he really feels deep inside, Noel might be cool to him. That line shows me that despite Liam being immature and not valuing Noel in the past/present, he still knew Liam genuinely loved him the same way he did. Noel just had this (ego-guided?) desire to hear that. Clearly, Noel's language of love is words of affirmation (he's such a Gemini!!!), and Liam's is acts of service (he's such a Virgo!!!). That's it.

While I was writing the above paragraph, I thought, "Am I going nuts? What if everything I'm writing is pure bullshit?". So I refreshed my Tumblr timeline and saw THIS:

It's a Liam quote from 2006. It's literally what I've been saying throughout this whole analysis. Liam thinks words are not necessary. But Noel does. Do I think Noel complained about Liam's lack of communication with Liam himself? Probably not. Noel'd probably think that'd be humiliating. I think there's a high chance that Noel just vented about it in his lyrics and when he was face-to-face with Liam, they'd simply fight with each other as a way to express the frustration they felt inside caused by each of them not being able to act the way they expected, love-wise.

If I ever knew That all the things I've thought Are coming right back to you But everybody thinks that it's a crime

First things first: I love Noel's delivery of the word "Crime" in this verse. It's so agonizing, you can really feel his guilt/desperation.

To me, this verse shows how Noel knows the 1ncest and his own actions/way of treating Liam impacts Liam's life and way of being, and also their relationship in general. It all started with a thought in Noel's mind back in 1992. An intrusive one, most likely. But Noel wasn't able to brush it off and eventually gave in to his forbidden wishes. If he ever knew how that would affect them forever, he'd have never done that (no shit, Sherlock).

Obviously, everybody would think what they have is a crime. Because, luckily, people are sane. Alternatively, Noel might meant that even when Liam does something wrong or gets what he deserves, people still think it's a crime for him to be held accountable for his actions. As I mentioned above, Noel is convinced that Liam is the world's protegé, a kind of invincible human being who is never blamed by anyone.

It never makes you feel ashamed You sit around and you sold And you're passing the blame But everybody knows Yeah everybody knows Everybody knows that it's a crime It's a crime

Now, Noel is kind of blaming Liam for not doing anything to change his behaviour, being convinced that Noel's the reason why everything is shite and blaming him for it. Or maybe blaming other people/situations to justify his behaviour/lack of expression of feelings.

Either way, unless Noel would address his desires directly to Liam, it doesn't make a lot of sense in my head to be a bitch about it. I mean, get a grip. Stop writing songs about it and do something!!! Cry in public!!! Make a press conference to expose how Liam is non-verbal with you!!!

Last lines conclude that, in the end, 1ncest is still a crime. Who would've thought?

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x- That's it - hope you missed me and enjoyed this. Kiss Kiss JM

[lovebeatriceplz]

Ekko should be the symbol of loyalty for Arcane. Whenever someone mentions loyalty most of us immediately think Sevika, rightfully so. Sevika however, didn't have a choice, of course she was stubbornly loyal to silco, the undercity, it's all she has. The main difference is Ekko was given a choice, and he chose Zaun, I'll get into it give me a minute.

From the get go, being raised by Benzo his moral compass would have been moulded, seeing the injustice he was born into, his loyalties already lie with the undercity.

After Vanders death, every single thing he does essentially leads back to the betterment of Zaun, establishing the firefights being the biggest of them all. He didn't kill Jinx (she's a victim too), he helped rally the undercity together in order to defeat the biggest enemy at the moment. He didn't resist when Vi brought Caitlyn along, and I'm sure it felt so wrong to him to be cordial with an enforcer, but he's emotionally mature and knew that in the end it could be his ticket to the council, and eventually better conditions for his people.

Ekko is also my main arguement when people defend Silco. Yes he's also a victim in some way, shape or form, but he's not blameless. Ekko yearns for the undercity to be a place where dreams can come true, where you don't have to worry where your next meal is coming from, where kids don't have to be on their own, scavenging or taking care of addict relatives. Silco also wanted...some of this, but he wanted the control and power that came along with it, there's no way to deny that. Ekko wants respect, equality, and fair treatment from topsiders without undertones of prejudice or fear, silco wanted to be untouchable.

But the real dealbreaker is when the hexcore takes him to an alternative universe. It must have been so sickeningly perfect. Everything he wanted was right there, his father figure, found family, Powder, dreams and ambitions, rights, a future, it was quite literally in the palm of his hands. But he let go, because he had a city to get back to, he had Jinx to get back to. You could give this man anything, lay his deepest desires at his feet, and he'll still stick with Zaun.

(Btw all this came to me due to a take on Ekko by @jinxekkotimebomb I lost the link srry)

[shigarakisslutbag]

Also I don't trust anyone that thinks shigaraki is an entirely hateful character. Like yes, he's obviously hateful towards a lot of things LOL. But he's shown he cares for those that support him multiple times

He just doesn't show it in the way I think people *expect* him to. But he cares quite a lot. I find it even more endearing that it's clear that he cares for the members of the league without having to say it. We LOVE a king who knows actions speak better than words.

I also really don't think he's incapable of having a partner? A lot of people would say it's out of character (which would be true for earlier seasons maybe?), but I think the reason he doesn't have any feelings like that for people is

1.) he had no idea of what a good relationship looked like growing up. he was 5 when everything happened. And even if he didn't accidentally kill his family?? His dad was abusive and emotionally unavailable. If he had led a "normal" life, it would've been incredibly hard to unlearn what he was taught love was. I think his mom would've been the only reason, if she were alive, that he would know what love and connection felt like, had they not died.

2.) no one (to my knowledge. I haven't read the manga), has really complimented him. Told him he was pretty. Said they were proud. Even if someone did compliment him looks wise, no one has pointed out good qualities he has (at least up until the league regarding positive traits he has (personality, leadership qualities, intelligence). And even then, one of the first things he heard from dabi was an insult to his face. I love dabi but that still makes my eye twitch 🙃)

I'm not saying praise, validation, or compliments would fix everything. But ohmygod. If someone would just be genuine and tell him that they believe and support his successes, or listen and talk to him like a human, it'd probably send him into a different, slightly healthier mindset.

One reason I absolutely love the friendship/relationship between spinner and shigaraki. He just needs some verbal support and someone who listens (me too LOL). He deserves so much idc. No just spinner either.

I'm a shigaraki supporter first, and a human second🙂‍↕️. Also I do apologize if some of my I formation doesn't seem very correct, it's been a while since I've watched it, and I do not read the manga 🥲. Even if some of my facts don't stand though, I am a very firm believer that with more attention or someone completely loyal, would make him happy. I mean it was pretty much proved he loved attention and wanted supporters more than anything in season 2(?) I think. Anyways, I love my boy. If shigaraki has no supporters, I'm deceased LMAO

[pyrosomatic-metamorphosis]

i keep thinking about bad's vacation outfit. mostly, i keep thinking about him not wearing armour.

bad is, fundamentally, not okay rn. his son got kidnapped. the code attacks are starting again. people keep going missing left and right and skeppy isn't here but he's been missing him from the start. he lost the election by a single islander vote. there's been a lot of pressure on him for a long time, and he's finally starting to crack.

the thing about bad is that he does NOTT talk about his emotions. he's silly about it. he plays games about it. he will never answer a straightforward question with a yes or a no, not unless he's lying. when forever asked him he was okay, he said yes.

i think... there's really something about him, repeatedly, saying he's on vacation. sure, yeah, take a break, but he keeps throwing himself into danger anyway, he's still taking care of the eggs. he's silly with it, but i don't think his "vacation" explicitly means "i'm taking a break." I think it means "i'm not someone you can rely on right now." what? not being at the top of the island/egg defence squad because he's falling apart at the seams? :D nahhh he's just on that vacation grind! look at him! he's so silly! he's building skeppies and he's being so silly !

and. god. the way he's absolutely clinging to skeppy right now. i get the sense that he takes a lot of comfort from skeppy, just from the existence of him. can you imagine being alive has long as bad has? losing and losing and losing and losing, and then you finally find someone you can't lose? skeppy is bad's emotional support diamond and he is Not There to emotionally support him. bad keeps throwing tantrums when people ignore him, and he keeps building skeppies.

he's never going to say he needs help. he's never going to say he's not okay. he's going to say "i'm not crazy" and "i don't have an obsession" and "yes i'm fine" and "i'm on vacation" and not wear his most protective armour. the ARMOUR. bad boy halo the most paranoid parent on the island keeps running around with several eggs at his heels when he's wearing only enchanted sunglasses and boots. WHEN THERE ARE ACTUAL CODE ATTACKS. WHEN THE CODE HAS THE ! SWORD. if "i'm on vacation" means "i can't help" then the lack of armour is a physical, visible reminder. it's the closest he can get to saying "no, i'm not okay."

and man.manm an man. the whole thing with dapper right now. dapper is the only one who really knows the extent of bad Being Weird right now. pomme has a good idea of it, but when she asked about bad "is he going insane again?" dapper's response was "he never stopped." i've seen lots of talk about bad needing dapper more than dapper needs him (and its TRUE. god. it's so true.) but dapper is also! not doing okay! kiddo was very recently kidnapped! he takes after his dad and doesn't overtly express his distress, but the way he was scared of getting too close to elquackity at the talent show... the way he and pomme huddled together when bad left them alone for an hour... he's watching his dad fall apart in front of him, and there's nothing he can do about it.

from a roleplaying perspective too i LOVEE how bad is slowly, slowly ramping up the skeppy obsession. he's clinging to sanity so he can be a good dad to his kids, but his kids are so mortal. so fragile. bad isn't; bad isn't wearing all of his armour. and skeppy isn't; bad is placing more skeppies around the island. i adore this man's roleplay i hope he gets WORSE

[devourers-of-god]

Hello again! As I understand it, applications are still open aha... I hope I haven't tormented you (sorry, I'm just wildly delighted with your work, and there are too many ideas in my head)

In general... it seems to me that it is quite difficult for Sally to open up to people, despite the fact that he is a very kind boy. It seems to me that he may be shocked by excessive tactility and emotionality

So, what about an overly active f!reader who likes to hold hands with friends, and hugs at a meeting, and kisses on the cheeks (sorry, this is literally me, and at the same time all my friends are not particularly tactile, aha ...). I was thinking that the reader might like Sal... how do you think he would react? And yes, it can be either fan fiction or headcannons, whatever you want aha. I will read everything with pleasure!!!

HI!! thank you SO much for the compliments, you are the sweetest! You are SO right about Sal D: ANS ALSO you do not torment me !!!! the requests are slow these days and im sooo happy you're taking the time to ask me stuff !I will do a one shot for this lololsorry this took a while to write, I had exams, school and work :P BUTTT I got my drivers licence LOLLL okep thanks for your request!!! and if you ever have more ideas, it will be my pleasure to try and portray your ideas with my writing!

SAL X OVERLY AFFECTIONATE READER

Warnings: None, fluff ? u guys are not dating lololol

Type: Oneshot

Oneshot -

Everyone described you with few words; bubbly, a social butterfly and VERY affectionate. You were not shy to pour your heart out to someone when needed, but you also were the first one to help a friend in need.

You always thought that being this touchy and nice to people was just common manners, until you be friended Sal Fisher.

Sal Fisher was an interesting individual, his everyday life was affected by years of torment explained by his flashbacks. He wasted a lot of his youth because Sal was isolating himself, not talking to anyone, not even his father. Even though his ''beloved'' father wasn't trying to help him to begin with. Though, this caused the young boy to develop an awkwardness to someone's touch and Sally could not properly explain to someone how he felt, he couldn't quite put words on his true feelings. Being touched, brushed or even just the thought of all this, made Sal feel something he couldn't even express. Sal was hollow, basically a shell of a human.

You luckily moved to Nockfell, the infamous town that your family wanted to move in so bad. You and your family landed in the Addison's apartments, there you met the tall Larry Jonhson. It was easy to get along with this guy anyway, you found yourself very lucky that day because the metalhead introduced you to Sal Fisher. You two will eventually end up together, but you don't know that yet.

For you, it was love at first sight. You Immediately complimented the way Sal presented himself. Basically showering him with compliments, especially his mask and hair. It wasn't your fault that you're this friendly, its the usual y/n. Sal Fisher felt almost claustrophobic by your gestures, weirdly appreciated that. You were not aware but this boy is secretly craving compliments, being this lonely for this long had affected the poor boy.

As the weeks passed, you and the blue haired boy hung out often, which made you delighted. You two were eating lunch together while the others had an art project to complete. Mr. Fisher and you were discussing when suddenly Sal made you laugh, your reflexes got the best of you and pushed him gently. Sal smiled to himself as his face turned crimson. ''God you are so funny, you need to stop my cheeks are hurting!!'' You confessed as you chuckled lightly. ''Pretty sure my name is Sal ,y/n'' your crush responded. You punched his shoulder gently, just as a way of saying to shut it. You knew that Sal was not introduced properly to your love language, but luckily you asked his closest friends about all of this. They approved to you that the masked boy isn't disturbed by it. It motivated you to not hide your true self, since your upcoming boyfriend is fond of it.

In an instant, the bell rang. You got up quickly and held Sal's hand to make sure he's following. You didn't want to lose him in the crowded halls right? Or did you just want an excuse to hold his hand? Sal figured this out but never told you.

Arrived to his locker, you were so happy that day and your nature took over suddenly, you peeked a small kiss on the cheek of Sal's prosthetic. '' See ya Sal! Goodluck with your math test-'' You yelled out as you escaped. You were proud of yourself too, you really liked Sal and the only way to show it is with affection and physical touch. You could not believe you actually did that. The next class felt like it was the longest ever, the school system was seperating you from your future lover.

Meanwhile, Sal's train of thoughts was going faster than usual. He froze in place for a good 5 minutes with his face hotter than when he had the flu. He thought to himself that you might like him, but Sal reasoned himself after saying that you probably do that to everyone. He wasn't so special, he thought. Normally, affecting gestures are not welcome for Sal Fisher, but you stood out. He actually felt great in your embrace. Even though he's not quick enough to hug back sometimes, he melts every time.

''Man I know you like her, you don't even let us touch you dude.'' Larry said after Sal reported everything of today. Sal closed his locker door a bit louder than he should've.

''Fuck off Larry. She's just different I guess.'' Sal retorted, what's left of his face turned a tint of pink, ballet pink to be exact. Sal thought to himself that he was pleased that the school day finally ended, they could finally go home and play som- Sal's thoughts were cut off by you hugging Sal as a way of greeting. He felt his legs soften beneath him. Sal's heart skipped various beats. '' Hi Sal!! Oh hi Larry! What are you guys up to after school?'' You smiled wildly as you got closer to Sal, which made him shiver. Larry started to smirk in a more of an evil way ''Oh I'm actually busy tonight but I know that Sal wanted to hang out with you y/n'' Sal bumped into him ''accidentally''.

Your cheeks flushed as you looked away ''I would love to! My parents are picking me up today so- text me okay?'' You ended your sentence with a small wink directed to Sal. You quickly left to go in your guardian's car. Suddenly you didn't feel like walking like everyone else, you were so happy you skipped your way to the car. Sal's jaw was hanging since Larry opened his ''dumb mouth'' as Sal would say.

''Youre welcome my man!'' Larry chuckled.

'' Get lost.''

HELLO!! hope you liked it :) I don't know why, im less satisfied with this.. if there's anything you guys think I should add please feel free to share your thoughts with me!! Per usual, stay safe and MY REQUESTS ARE ALWAYS OPEN!!!! its currently almost 1 am lawd goodnight friends :) P-S: we're almost at 150 followers!!!!!! very exciting :DDDD thank you!!

[hwnglx]

Do you think JK is a player? Solely based of his energy

mhm, it's difficult. some would say yes, some would say no. both have an argument. just to be clear i looked the definition for “player” up, and it says “a man who has many lovers”. by that definition, i'd say no i don't think jungkook is a player.

however, the word “lovers” here is key, because i personally have never seen him intentionally juggling many relationships. like actively and intentionally entertaining several romantic interests at once. what i have seen though, is him hanging around a lot of people, including women, and (jk anons don't eat me up but this isn't that big of a deal) having had his one night stands here and there. he's popular and well-liked off cam too. i can see him fighting his loneliness with the company of people sometimes, mostly his friend circle.

what i've seen as well, is quite a few people projecting their desires onto him, meaning they take his naturally charming and flirty ways as some sort of.. “omg he likes me.” moment. a lot of delusion and wishful thinking surrounding him.

there's also many preconceptions about who people think he would be according to them, compared to who he actually is. many people believe a man of his popularity with his access would date twenty girls a week, but he doesn't. in his position it's easy to enter superficial connections, but not as easy to actually find someone to nurture an emotionally fulfilling relationship with, that's based on true love. (many people love what he can do for them, the idea of him, etc..) you could see the struggle of finding the one within all those people, and therefore going from person to person, as a player act i guess.

but, i can see jungkook still hung up on a past relationship, so.. he'd literally betray himself if he ever entertained any other connection that goes deeper than physical intimacy.

note; i thought of the song cheating on you by charlie puth.. “i know i said goodbye and baby, you said it too, but when i touch her i feel like i'm cheating on you” the way i always think of a song that seems to resonate with how jk feels, guess he really likes expressing himself through music

[do-androids-dream-ao3acc]

Darkness Settles In

BuckTommy | Chapter 2/5

-> Chapter 1 | AO3 version (please mind the tags!)

It was a very brief kiss, and it left Buck hungry. Hungry for more, for Tommy. 

For a split second, it seemed like that was what Tommy wanted, too—there was not only no resistance, but also little restraint. Because it had never been passion that they lacked, Tommy's kisses had always left Buck craving more. They had also filled him emotionally in ways he couldn't begin to describe, but that wasn't what Buck needed right now. And for what it was worth, he believed that Tommy felt the same way. That, even if it was cheesy, he couldn't resist Buck, which was one of the reasons why he kept coming back. His mind would not accept another explanation.

Nevertheless, Tommy was sensible; he’d always been the more reasonable one—insane, considering everything he had done to help his friends. He didn't push Buck away, yet gently placing his strong, warm hands on the other’s shoulders, he whispered, “We really shouldn’t.”

Somewhere deep inside of Buck, in the part of him that embodied morality and conscience, he knew Tommy was right. But perhaps morality and conscience had also died with Bobby. It certainly wasn't right to fill this void with sex, but if there was anything that could stop these nagging thoughts, this constant questioning of why, then it was this. 

“No, the only thing we shouldn’t do is care,” Buck rasped, searching for Tommy's eyes. 

That was a mistake, he regretted it immediately, because all he found there was exactly care. Tommy was by no means a weak man, but Buck had always been his soft spot, and he knew it. 

“We've done that before, and it didn't end well,” said Tommy. 

Buck shook his head. As if he didn't know. As if he didn't remember.

“I know that. A-and I’m not saying we shouldn’t talk about it, we really should, believe me. But this isn't about us. I'm... sad, Tommy. Lonely. Empty. And what's wrong with distracting me from those feelings for a moment? I know it won't change anything. But don't tell me you don't want me. I know that's not true.”

A strange expression crossed Tommy's face, mostly hurt, but he hid it immediately. Yes, that probably had hurt, and Buck shouldn’t have said it, like so many other things. What a strange relationship they had: always saying too much or too little. 

“We always express ourselves poorly,” he added, realizing too late he’d spoken his thoughts. “That's why we shouldn't do that, at least for a while. Let's stop talking or even thinking. Let's stop worrying.”

���It’s not that easy.”

“But it can be quite simple.”

Perhaps it was wrong. No, it definitely was the wrong way to deal with everything that went down in his life this way. To cope like this was anything but healthy, and it wasn’t fair to Tommy. And even though he knew all that, Buck wanted nothing more than to lose himself in Tommy's gaze for just one more hour, to feelsomething, just one more time. It was the wrong reason for doing so, but exactly the right degree of desperation. 

He grabbed Tommy's hands, which were still on his shoulders, using the momentum to push him across the room, as if in a dance. Paper bags rustled under his feet, and he moved somnambulistically through the remnants of his grief, as if he could simply push them aside. Instead, he pushed Tommy against the wall and covered his neck in kisses, just like he’d done before, in this very house, on this very wall. Even back then, it had been for the wrong reasons. It was something else he wanted to forget—not the act itself, but all the consequences and all the wrong decisions. This was probably another wrong decision, but it felt good, and Tommy squirmed beneath his lips. Not because he was trying to get away, but because he was enjoying it. 

Buck enjoyed his momentarily power. It was the only thing alive in his mind, even if it was wrong. His lips found that one sensitive spot on Tommy's neck, eliciting a deep, grunting growl from the man. Suddenly, he pushed back, sending Buck stumbling over an empty bottle; only Tommy’s strong hands prevented his fall and now pressed him against the wall. Passion darkened Tommy's gaze, as if he had been holding back for far too long, and it was evident in the kiss that followed. His tongue parted Buck's lips almost violently, even though he didn't put up any resistance at all, quite the contrary.

He remembered that first night in this house with Tommy well, even if the morning after had been one of his less memorable moments. As if this moment were a repetition, a déjà vu of said night, he grabbed for Tommy’s shirt. His lips were still moist from Tommy’s kiss, and he licked them to remember the taste as they both stumbled across the room, repeatedly reaching for each other. 

The bedroom was dark, even though the curtains on this window were open. Outside, evening had fallen, a gray sky interrupted by patches of pink that spread over the city and enveloped the room in shadow. The air was stale, the bed untouched, as if freshly made: Buck realized that he must have slept in the living room, perhaps for several nights. It was pathetic, but that's what he was, right? A pathetic, sad man. 

Buck pushed Tommy onto the bed. He sank down beside him and covered his body with kisses, and each of them felt like he was a drowning man, greedily gasping for air. As he pulled Tommy’s shirt over his head, he made sure his lips were everywhere, leaving a wet trail across Tommy's body. He was almost afraid to break physical contact, even for a second. How he had missed this, every single mole and every steel muscle. Tommy's body was a landscape that was familiar to him, yet he couldn't get enough of it. Still, he proceeded slowly. The urge to simply rip the clothes off the man and devour him had been there, naturally. But there was this voice inside of Buck telling him that Tommy deserved more. That Tommy was more than the catalyst he was currently using him as. And even though he couldn't give him what Tommy clearly wanted so badly—the reason why he was now lying here on Buck's bed with that veiled look in his pretty eyes—he wanted to be mindful of his gift. 

Perhaps he’d hesitated for a moment, had shown too clearly that the seeds of doubt were also present in him. Because Tommy beneath him, warm and yielding, stirred, seeking his gaze.  

“Are you sure it’s this you want?”

What a complex question. How could he be sure of anything? The answer was, presumably, that he was broken and needed fixing, even a temporary one. Yet this would only emphasize everything that was wrong with Tommy being the fix, wouldn’t it? Buck knew he couldn’t bear his own doubts being the thing sobering up Tommy. Unlike that night back then, Buck wasn’t drunk now, but he wasn’t entirely sane either. 

“I'm empty,” he confessed, very much aware of the ambiguity of his words and leaning into it, “I need something to fill me up.”

Tommy sucked in a breath, his hands clasping around Buck’s waist.

“Don't do that to me.”

His words were just a whisper, and yet for a moment Buck feared he had finally gone too far. The grip around his body was strong, but for good reason: a second later, he was manhandled, turned around until he was the one lying on his back. Tommy's face now had a somewhat closed expression, one that Buck recognized; and yet, above it all was a glimmer of desire, exactly what he wanted to see. After that, they didn't talk anymore.

Buck woke up at five in the morning. The cool breeze brushing his cheeks told him that Tommy must have opened the window at some point; just as the clock revealed that he’d slept for more than three hours straight, for the first time in a long time. He almost smiled, yes, he almost felt content, but the feeling only lasted for the fraction of a second. Then, the truth hit him again, like a wave that comes unsurprising, after you thought the tide was already gone. 

His gaze wandered from the ceiling to the other side of the bed. The sheet was pulled tight, as if no one had slept there. Buck remembered the moment after, how they’d lain side by side but without their bodies touching. As if a mere touch, an embrace, would have been much more intimate than anything they’d done before. They had lain next to each other, sweaty and silent, because there was nothing to say. Now, there was no sign of last night, not a single stain on the sheet, nothing to remind him that Tommy had ever been there. 

The silence in the house was almost eerie, which was perhaps why Buck had spent night after night in front of the television, using TV series as white noise that nevertheless brought no comfort. The silence also meant that Tommy had actually left, and this time he certainly wasn't out shopping for breakfast. This time, Tommy had left just as Buck had expected last time: quietly and secretly, in the middle of the night. 

And even though it was Tommy who’d left—again—, Buck felt guilty. Of course, the sex had been great, as exciting as every single time; he still didn't know if that was because sex with a man was yet so new, or because it was this man. Tommy with his soft, indulgent gaze, the man who’d always been there for him. Unconditionally, no matter how crazy Buck’s ideas had been – and admittedly, an eulogy for a long-forgotten gunslinger and, even more so, a helicopter chase were pretty crazy. Tommy, however, had never asked any questions, had never told him to shut up or get a grip. Many reasons for Buck to feel guilty, because even if the breakup had been a blow to the gut and Tommy had never explained himself, that was no reason to take advantage of the man like that. 

When he realized this, Buck sat up abruptly. He swung his long legs out of bed, but then remained sitting, his hands clasped tightly around his knees as if to steady himself. For quite a while, he sat motionless there, staring into the vague, receding darkness. Sure, it always took two to tango, but he had dumped his grief on Tommy and then numbed it with a blowjob. His gaze fell on his phone on the wobbly little bedside table, which he had been meaning to repair since he moved in. There was no message, no good-bye note from Tommy. Once again, Buck had taken everything the man had offered him and given nothing in return.

How could he ever have thought things would work out between them? Tommy was the quiet type, gentle and yielding, yet close as a clam. And himself? Buck just stumbled through life, rubbing people the wrong way. It had been so different with Tommy, but they’d both blown this. Perhaps the problem was that Tommy knew Buck far too well, while he himself had not even begun to understand the other—or himself, even.

Buck stood up to fill the time until his next shift began, but even the trivial task of making coffee reminded him of Tommy. When he arrived at the fire station, much too early, the sun was already shining brightly on the LAFD lettering on the wall. There was no point in sitting in the car for another hour, because the longer he stared at the building, the more vividly his memories of Bobby assailed his mind. For a moment, he wished he had something other than work to numb all these feelings. Perhaps there were easier ways to distract himself from the fact that his life was in ruins. That he’d lost everything good he ever had: his best friend, his boyfriend, his father figure. 

Buck entered the fire station with hurried steps, as if he could outrun his own thoughts. In his mind, he was mulling over excuses for the B shift to explain why he showed up at work so early, only to find that most of them were on site of some accident. So he strolled up to the gallery, where his brother-in-law was already sitting at the table, drawing circles on the tabletop with his fingers. 

“Uh,” said Buck, surprised, “what are you doing here at this time of day?”

“Could ask you the same thing,” replied Chimney, gesturing to the cup in his hand and adding, “It's not the fabulous coffee that's drawn you out at this early hour, is it?”

“Nah, I've had four or so already.”

Buck dropped into a chair. They sat there silently for a while, while Chimney didn't touch his coffee and Buck rolled the sugar shaker back and forth between his hands. 

“How does Maddie feel about you leaving the house so early?” Buck finally asked, just to say something because the general silence in the station was starting to bother him.

Chimney shrugged, “She doesn't sleep well when I toss and turn in bed, so…”

Buck leaned forward, searching the other man’s gaze. Maybe it was just the huge amount of caffeine he had consumed, but perhaps this was also a conversation that was long overdue.  

“L-listen,” he began, but Chimney interrupted him immediately, “Save the breath.”

Buck looked at him in surprise, cautiously probing, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Chimney sighed, pushing the cup away. 

“Don't you think everyone already told me to not feel guilty? Last night, dinner at Hen and Karen's, dessert: Howie, it's not your fault.”

He laughed as his fingers formed exclamation marks in the air; a harsh and humorless sound. 

“But…”

“No buts. Bobby died because of me, there's no point in sugarcoating it.”

“No,” Buck said in such a harsh tone that his brother-in-law leaned back in surprise, raising his brows. “He didn't die because of you, if anything, he died for you. So, fuck this, spare yourself the self-pity, you're still alive. Bobby had good reasons for making that decision. So deal with it—we all have to.”

“You're not very good at that either, Buckaroo,” Chimney replied gently. 

Buck felt tears welling up behind his eyes, and it hurt to hold them back, even if it was better for his sanity. He shook his head, “We're not talking about me right now.”

“We're talking about Bobby, and somehow that has something to do with you,” Chimney said. “How’re you holding up?”

“I'm not gonna jump off the roof, am I?” Buck snapped, then ran his hands through his hair. “Sorry. I don't know. At least you have Maddie.”

“You know she'll always be there for you... oh, wait. That’s it! I was a bit out of it, I didn’t connect the dots…”

“About what?”

“Well, that Tommy showing up wasn't a coincidence. I thought Athena had called him, but it was you, wasn't it?”

The warmth in his cheeks was ridiculous. Buck asked defensively, “And?”

“And,” Chimney drawled, “now you're sitting here, long before your shift, because you probably didn't get much sleep either, judging by the look on your face. Which means you two idiots still haven't talked to each other, and you’re tearing yourself apart because of it.”

Buck swallowed hard, hoping that Chimney wouldn't draw the right conclusion from his red cheeks. Oh, I didn't sleep much, but not for that reason, he thought. But in the end, of course, he was right. 

“I can't sleep because of Bobby,” Buck returned, and that was true, too. “Because I don't know how to go on without him.”

“Well, then take a sip of your own medicine and call Tommy. We all need someone to talk to. Someone... outside of this,” Chimney said with a gesture, encompassing the firehouse. 

“Do you want my therapist's number?” Buck asked tensely.

Chimney opened his mouth to reply, but at that moment the main gate opened and the B shift returned.

[whateversawesome]

SxF Chapter 91: Perspective, History, Empathy

Let me start by saying that I didn't think this chapter would make me so emotional. Was it the same for you?

A small side character like Millie, who we saw only as one of Yor's annoying co-workers, turned out to have a very sad backstory and gave us a glimpse of how things are for young people in Ostania.

This chapter talks a lot about people understanding and misunderstanding each other. Millie was just talking about her own experience and feelings, she was explaining why it was so difficult for her to help during an event like this, and that lady felt personally attacked because she saw things from her own point of view and her sufferings.

In no way the story discards any of those ladies' sufferings; what they went through during the war was very difficult, I'm sure. Nevertheless, comparing their sufferings and demanding Millie to act the same way just because they were able to do it, it's not right.

They both had different experiences because their circumstances were different, so they face life in their own way. That's exactly Yor's point.

Here, Yor demonstrates her best quality (and one of the many reasons why her husband fell in love with her): Emotional strength.

I've said it before and I'll say it again; Yor is a very emotionally intelligent character. The way she stood up for Millie displayed all her emotional strength. She called out that woman in such a smart way!! She wasn't rude but her words were true and very wise.

One of the most important things Yor mentions is that we cannot bear the same load because we're different. And I couldn't agree more👏

Also, if we take it as a metaphor, Yor is such a strong person because she carried a very heavy load: as a child and an orphan, she had to take care of her brother. Because of this, a naturally kind person like her had to learn to murder in order to survive.

It was a beautiful chapter. On top of everything, we learned a few important things:

1.Yor did lose her parents during the war and because of the war.

2.Donovan Desmond did NOT start the war. But plenty of young people like Millie don't know that, so it's possible that since he was Prime Minister during most of the war, he gets blamed for starting it.

3.Donovan Desmond is hated by many. That's probably the reason why he's no longer in office. And it also wouldn't be surprising that the majority of people in Ostania who voted against him want to move on from the war.

3.Melinda still wears her wedding ring and, even though she's separated from her husband, she still counts him as an important person for her. I guess, you can hate a person's actions and opinions, hate what they have become, but care about them at the same time...their marriage is complicated.

4.Not only Yor and Twilight fear the SSS because of their jobs. The general population do too because they know rich and powerful people can make them disappear regardless whether they are spies or not. That means arrests and disappearences of innocent people are common.

5.There was a repression during war time. This means the state controls and restricts certain rights of its citizens. When war happens, the state may determine it's necessary to protect their country and citizens. Chances are that policing of others started then and Ostanians got used to living like that.

And now some questions:

Was Melinda being sincere? In my opinion yes (for the most part). Melinda is no longer campaigning for her husband. In fact, she's going there incognito. Since her husband is no longer the Prime Minister and they don't have any elections to win, she doesn't have to support this types of events. If you think about it, once a politician retires from the public eye, their spouse generally goes back to their normal life.

Something that caught my attention was that it was mentioned Melinda has a lot of enemies; probably because her husband has a lot of enemies too. If that's the case, it would be easier for Melinda to move abroad, where she could have a care-free life, yet, she has chosen to stay in Ostania. Why?

Melinda is still a very mysterious character. We don't know her plans or intentions. We don't know why she separated from her husband. My only guess is that she's suffered a great deal and that's why she's able to empathize with Millie, even though their experiences are different.

What do you think?

Bonus (to end on a light note):

This is the Sxf when we see Yor 😄

[raayllum]

Callum is so right about Rayla never doing anything for herself. You could say freeing Runaan was for herself but she also treats it as her "sacred promise" and chose him for Ethari too (shows how great her heart is). You think sparing Callum will finally count as her doing something for herself? Choosing her future and her love for him over the "greater good". She couldn't get her og parents back‚ this girl keeps losing and suffering she seriously deserves more wins

God, I could write an entire meta about that line - maybe one day when I'm feeling self indulgent. In regards to your actual prompt, re: saving Callum will count as something for herself -- a big yes, absolutely, I think! Though I think freeing her parents is something she deeply wanted for herself, too ("I miss you so much" / "so I wanted to do something for yourself for you") even if it was something she was continually putting off till the Aaravos situation, as far as she knew, was resolved

Prior to S6 I went back and forth on whether the show would frame Rayla's end of the possession plot line / trying to get Callum back as either "It doesn't matter what happens to me (again) I just want to save him" (which is what leaving in TTM and other moments was about) OR whether it'd be framed as "I refuse to sacrifice him / something I want (again)" and therefore be character development. I leaned towards the latter for reasons outlined here since the two have the chance to be even more thematically codependent than they already are in terms of their senses of identity:

As long as Callum is Callum (not possessed, or she has reason to believe he’s still in there), Rayla likely won’t be able to bring herself to kill him. This is from an emotional / characterization standpoint, of course, but from a thematic standpoint, we can see where it stems from Callum and Rayla continually being each other’s main connection to their sense of identity. As long as Callum is Callum (“you’re the destiny is a book you write yourself guy”), he’s worth saving. As long as Callum is Callum, she can be Rayla (“Rayla’s brave. She saves people” / “Rayla. My name is Rayla, and I’m going home”). As long as she’s Rayla, he can be Callum. Because if Callum isn’t Callum, then he’s dead, and if he’s dead, she can kill him. And if Rayla kills him, if Callum is dead, then she won’t be Rayla anymore. Because to literally kill Callum would be to simultaneously symbolically/emotionally kill herself.

This goes both ways of course - Callum can't/won't sacrifice Rayla because to do so would be to sacrifice a fundamental part of himself (namely his deep and Pure devotion to others which means he'll never go entirely down the negative side of Viren's path, and keep to the positive - leaving Aaravos, breaking free, etc). This was subtext prior to S6, but now it's actual text (she's his light/truth/hope of salvation, etc) so it goes double going forward. This is true for Rayla too — Callum is her guiding light and her star, he's one of the people who's taught her the most about how to love and the person she wants to be.

With all that in mind, yeah, I do think that Rayla will choose to not sacrifice Callum for the right reasons. Part of this is scaffolded under witnessing Callum not sacrificing her No Matter What prior to her won choice, and realizing "what [she] most deeply desires" isn't just Callum's survival even, but specifically the life they can have together, which she needs to stick around for and thereby not sacrifice herself. Runaan is also explicitly remorseful over the actions he took towards her where he choose duty over love, so Rayla realizing she should choose love over duty ties into them growing together as well in a positive way. We also see her realize some of this I think in choosing to let Lain and Tiadrin stay together rather than separate them specifically because of the Moonphoenix bracelet Callum gave her as well.

"I risked losing the best thing I ever had" because of her own duty turned revenge vs "I refuse to lose either of us like this" and finally fully accepting an assassin was never who she was and never who she Should be, in sacrificing others' lives or her own included. Them both Choosing each other above everything else was exactly what I was hoping for as soon as the "I need you to kill me" plot line started / wrote in my first CHET fic pre-S4 years ago:

She has two options as she pulls away. She can make a grab for her swords and go out, swords blazing. Kill Viren or Aaravos if she can as the sky splits open, purple and thrumming with magic; die with a sword in her hand in all likelihood. The release spell has already started. Or she can help Callum up, and they can live to fight another day—together. Rayla grips the back of his jacket. Presses her forehead to his neck for a second, tears building her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she says. His arm tightens around her, like he’s braced for her to go. “Rayla—” “I’m so sorry,” she repeats, sobbing. This is all her fault, but she can’t do that to him. “We have to get out of here.” [...]

Callum is staring at her when she pulls back and she swallows hard. She doesn’t know what to say. It’s both a blessing and a curse when he speaks first. “You chose me,” he says, not quite softly; she can tell there’s a lump in his throat. An edge of anger that not doing so was even an option. “Yeah, well. It was about time,” she says quietly. “I—”

So uh, here's hoping!

[yourhighness6]

NATLA Episode 2 Debrief (by yours truly)

Hi again! Here's episode 1 if anyone is interested. This is going to be another outrageously long post, just a tw

I absolutely loved the ominous start and then it's just:

They really captured the Zuko/Iroh dynamic the cartoon had in this scene. I hope they keep this sort of thing throughout the show. Also, side note, but for whatever reason Zuko seems a LOT more violent in this version. This child needs some serious therapy.

I guess this is their version of the map joke, huh? Low-key disappointed but not as mad as I thought I would be.

I'm not sure how I feel about the writers prolonging some of the conflicts that were resolved back in the SWT into this episode. I guess it makes sense that they would have to extend the drama, but I'm a little disappointed these thoughts didn't make it into the first episode. I'm glad they're included, but I think at this point team avatar had started to feel like family already in the cartoon, so it's kind of annoying and misses the mark a bit.

Yes I'm so glad they put GranGran's blessing back in! I was really mad when they took it out, but this honestly feels more meaningful than it did in the cartoon. It's a precious cultural artifact rather than just a couple of blankets. This is similar to what I was mad about with extending SWT conflicts, but I don't have nearly as much of a problem with it, as it seems like they're carrying a little piece of home with them rather than just extra drama.

The burial scene was very sweet and sad. It gave us a bit more insight into Air Nomad culture, and a sense of closure the cartoon didn't really give us. A+ for Gordon's acting as well (he is perfect for this part, even if he does still need some more acting experience)

Zuko has officially mastered the "my uncle dragged me here and I'm an agnsty teenager" face. A+ to Dallas for this entire scene. I am absolutely LOVING the Iroh and Zuko dynamic. Never change (jk I wish you a wonderful redemption arc)

Suki looks just as beautiful as she did in the trailer. Unfortunately can't say the same for the Kyoshi statue (I wish it had been made out of wood), but there is something to be said for the little shrines to the avatars instead of a few big ones. I actually kind of like that they changed that element, and I hope they explore it more in future episodes, because I assume some of the spiritualism surrounding them would have to be changed. Side note: but I've seen nothing of the spirit world so far and I'm getting a little nervous. I guess I wouldn't mind if they decided it was some long-lost avatar trick or is introduced in the NWT, but if they get rid of it altogether I'm gonna be pissed.

I'm glad they decided to make Kyoshi Island a matriarchal society instead of having a male leader. It just makes sense based on the lore and I like to see more strong adult women than in the cartoon. Also Suki got a mom! Maybe she'll get some development too!

This Aang speech was very in-your-face storytelling, but I feel like the whole show is gonna be like that so I'm just accepting it at this point. I think it stayed true to his character while getting the point across, and it also kind of helped his character compared to the cartoon. He's very emotionally open and has a charming nativity about him, but he's clearly trying to help. Loved it.

He's so awkward I love it. This whole interaction was really cool, because it expanded on their relationship in a cool way. They're both struggling between doing what their parents expect of them to help their respective villages, but are being faced with a pull to the outside world, Suki with her "big heart" and Sokka with his need to protect Katara. Thishonestly gives more depth to their relationship and I don't mind the writers dragging out first episode conflicts if this is how they're choosing to explore them.

Aww look at these cute little siblings. I like that the writers are giving them more time to progress from strangers to besties. Their interactions seem more natural, and Aang's grief more realistic. It's also great to once again see Katara growing more confident and powerful in her abilities. I love the smell of some good character development in the making.

Look at her face! She's like,"I'm so good at flirting. Mother would be proud." Meanwhile Sokka's scared of her. Anyway I'm living for their scenes and they're making me giggle. (Despite Sokka's sexism being toned down it still exists to a lesser level and I love to see her beating his ass while he tries to flex)

I love the new subplot! I love that flashback! I love this conflict! It gives more credence to his fears as a prodigy. Whatever writer came up with this deserves a hug.

AHH the ship is sailing! I love Sokka learning to be more open minded! I love Suki learning to be more open-hearted! I love when characters in romantic relationships learn from each other! This is giving Suki and Sokka development in ways the cartoon did not without trying to play Sokka's sexism off as a joke and also giving us more screentime and when I say I love it I mean I am doing a happy dance right now!

Okay, so just a quick word on shipping besides Sukka because as Zutara trash I am legally required to do this:

It seems like they are keeping the zutara hope parallel intact, with Katara and Zuko both finding hope in the avatar but in different ways. However, I don't think this really changes anything. So far, there's beven nothing to suggest they're going with ZK instead of KA, and I'm a little worried that they're trying to parallel Sukka and KA wwith the way they're setting up both girls as kind of a "teacher" to the boys in a way and giving both ships a huge amount of screentime in the same episode. Also, and I hate to say this, they might be attempting to fix KA by toning down Katara's anger and her "dark side". She didn't get angry to break the iceberg and they're eliminating her entire waterbending scroll plotline. They're trying to make them a better match for each other by watering her down and therefore increasing her connection with Aang and decreasing the chance of a future connection with Zuko over their anger and shared trauma. It's sad news that I didn't want to deliver, and I've seen spoilers that there is another ZK moment later down the line, but at this point, I think KA is a lot more plausible than ZK. *cries*

In slightly less depressing news, they're inserting the avatar state plotline a lot earlier. This makes sense with the condensed timeline, and I think I like the way they're going with it so far. I hope they keep the concept of avatar guide intact, though, and I'm worried that they're going to play into more of a connection to all of his past lives instead of just Roku. I kind of hate Roku but I do think that's a major concept I don't want them to get rid of, and his inaction during a time of adversity mirror's Aang's own challenges with confrontation. Their dynamic is a good one, and I wouldn't be opposed to changed but I really hope they don't entirely throw it out.

Scratch whatever the fuck I said before. I'm back on my shipping bullshit I can't believe we got a BONUS FIGHT! Also kudos to whoever decided Zhao should burn the village instead of Zuko. I was always so pissed at him whenever I rewatched this episode and now I can sleep easy knowing it was that military dipshit instead of him

I love Kyoshi to an unhealthy extent but I kind of wish Katara had been the one to go off on him. It would have seriously fixed things.

COUPLES THAT FIGHT TOGETHER ARE THE BEST COUPLES CHANGE MY MIND

Also, side note, but I love the hair these in fight scenes:

Most action movies hairspray the shit out of them but these actors are allowed to look a little disheveled while they kick ass. Huge thank you to whoever decided that more natural hair is superior cuz they are 100% correct

THE BONUS FIGHT SCENE IS NO LONGER COOL I REPEAT THE BONUS FIGHT SCENE IS NO LONGER COOL

I think this was the perfect conclusion to Sukka (for now)! Sokka learned something so much more valuable and impactful than in the cartoon, in my opinion. His masculinity is handled very well in my opinion, and even if I would have liked to see him wear the warrior outfit, there's something really great about the way he continues to embrace protectiveness, a masculine trait, while having rid himself of toxic masculinity, such as not being able to learn from others. He's leaving a more open minded and humble person and I love the way they portrayed it.

Okay the speech was a little on the nose but I liked it. One of the best things about ATLA was the way they executed Aang's childishness ending up beneficial for the world. I think the new conflict is expanding on that nicely while staying true to its roots. *pats writers on the head*

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH IS THIS REAL I LOVE IT SO MUCH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

IM TRYING SO HARD NOT TO THINK ABOUT THIS LINE AND HOW IT COULD BE ANOTHER PARALLEL TO K/A I HATE IT BUT I LOVE IT AT THE SAME TIME LETS JUST FOCUS ON SUKI SAYING SOKKA HELPED HER AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Also the fan was so cute. That last scene on Appa really wrapped everything up nicely. I like the way they tied in the conflicts between the siblings while engineering growth for Sokka.

Daniel Kim delivered in his two seconds of screentime. Zhao was such a bitch but idk what else I expected. Can't wait to see more of these two bastards in future!

Anyway, to recap:, things I did like:

Aang's new conflicts

Sokka's mini arc

SUKKA

Expanding on Katara's PTSD

Zhao burning the town instead of Zuko

Zuko and Iroh's dynamic

Things I didn't like:

Katara's characterization

Lack of Aang's actual avatar guide

K/A hints and lack of zutara implications

Postponing the Zhao and Zuko agni Kai

Overall, I have to say I think that they're playing into the core themes very well while expanding on the characters. If it weren't for the whole Katara debacle this would be a 9/10 episode, but with the Katara debacle imma give it a 7/10. Still, I can at least understand why the writers made their crappy decisions, even if I don't agree with them. Hopefully certain things are fixed in future episodes, but as it stands I think I'll live (barely)

[olasketches]

So the fight is really over...my glorious four armed giant spider is gone. Yuji really was foreshadowing about the slime thingy heh. I'm so happy to see the trio back and together again like you tell me this a year ago this is what was going to happen and I'd just give you a maniacal laugh. But I still don't know how to feel about Sukuna's end like we all knew he was going to die and in perspective it does feels satisfying. Sukuna being ripped apart from Megumi and his little convo with Megumi...yeah dude really is walking contradiction. Always saying he's living to die but actually doesn't want to die. Indirectly answering Kashimo's question. But his end just seems...eh? Like at first Kenjaku's end seemed like that to me too but it made sense later on. Kenjaku came in silence and went like that but Sukuna he was never like Kenjaku or Mahito so his ending being parallel to Mahito didn't really sit right with me and i actually wanted him to get anything but a glorious death but this feels...stale somehow? Idk he's still the same untrue to himself. Wish we could get more of his thought process. Or maybe this was it to show Sukuna's denial became his defeat. I just hoped for more emotionally charged defeat of his..but it's GeGe story I'm happy they're telling it like they want to.

Also Uraume and Hakari was funny too they fought all this time bonded, praised and just dipped. Makes me think if they had a binding vow with Sukuna too? Sorry for all the yap and incoherence. I'm just feeling underwhelmed? Overwhelmed? what are your thoughts regarding this chapter and Suku's end?

"my glorious four armed giant spider is gone" took me out sksksksk he's really just a bug when you think about it lol.

anyway thank you for sending me your ask. I really liked reading your thoughts and how you called suku out for being contradictory and a hypocrite till the very end AS YOU SHOULD THANK YOU!! honestly, this fact alone makes the whole chapter all the more special to me but on this in a sec cause I'm guessing the reaction to his demise is quite... well I guess ppl are not really happy with it..??? I mean some of them probably are and by "some" I mean *cough, cough* the haters *cough, cough* but well... I wouldn't know cause ONE I'm actually (and maybe surprisingly) super pleased and satisfied with this chapter and TWO, I didn't go and check others reaction to it lol I'm planning to keep it that way for now. I'm really not a big fan of twt fandoms spaces in fact I can't stand them... too much negativity and toxicity *shudders*.

so my thoughts... to put it simply, I loved it more than loved it actually. and yeah yeah sure he turned into a slimy lil bug which probably put many people off but hey let's not forget sukuna was basically like a parasite possessing megumi's body, so it makes sense that once peeled off only curse-like residues would remain... but I can understand why some stans didn't like that part. I personally found funny but that's just me lol.

and yeah the final seemed quite underwhelming, but I think that's what makes it so good. I didn't want sukuna's death to be the most interesting thing about his character and well it's not. rather than having a big an "after life" moment like jogo, gojo or kashimo, he spent his last moments with the only person who cared about the human sukuna so stubbornly tried to burry inside him.

I actually found his conclusion to be quite beautiful and moving, cause instead of being looked down upon by yuuji as many stans thought would be the case, he was offered something else entirely. something no one ever gave him - kindness and love. yes, I'm using the "L" word here cause in the end that's what it was... yuuji showed sukuna the true value of love. he accepted him and ask him to live with him despite everything sukuna has put him through. despite all the chaos chaos and distraction he caused him, yuuji still accepted him. he not only showed sukuna genuine empathy and compassion but also recognised that sukuna is really... just like him. when yuuji looked into (blop) sukuna's eyes (my beloved) he could only see himself. he realised that under different circumstances, he could've turned out like sukuna if he didn't have his grandpa by his side. he realised that if he could have turned out like sukuna then sukuna could've turned out like him too, that if only sukuna had someone who loved him and guided him and accepted him, he most likely wouldn't have turned into a curse, which is another thing I loved and cry about in this chapter.

sukuna only saw himself as a curse :")). he acknowledged yuuji and finally called him by his full name but in the end he still only think of himself as a "curse" not as human, not even as a god or king of curses but only a curse :")).

the reason why I loved just how "underwhelming" his death felt like is because instead of framing and defining his entire character by his his final moments, gege made the rest of his moments in the manga stand out EVEN MORE. instead of having a moment of reflection and introspection in this chapter as well as in chapter 265 or 266... and oh well entire shinjiku showdown basically, his character started to trip and reveal just how contradictory he is. sukuna claimed he was satisfied with his life and doesn't care about dying, he also claimed he doesn't care about ideals and even despised them, he also claimed he doesn't feel anything and he doesn't need others to satisfy him and then you have all those small moments when you realise "wait, that is not right" and you look back and rethink everything. sukuna does feel and he NEEDS others to satisfy him, cause that's what his entire "philosophy" hinges on.

"Every human has a unique and fleeting taste... which makes devouring them a perfect way to pass time until death"

he DID get excited when maki became the first person to ever give him a role

This is a first. You're the only one who ever forced a role upon me. (while grinning like a maniac)

and then megumi lied his bs out in the open and revealed that sukuna was afraid of death too, despite believing otherwise

Even something like you fears death...

this only goes to show that sukuna convinced himself (and many other readers) that he is not human, that he is above that, that he doesn't care about the things they do... but if even "something like him" feared death, got excited to be given a role, praised and encouraged others for their talents and skills and connected to them in one way another only to "pass time" or knew about flowers and caught a crayfish then that means... he must be human too.

and even if sukuna and the rest of the world couldn't and didn't want to accept that, there was one person who did. someone sukuna hurt the most, someone who saw him at his worst and at his weakest. someone who in the end still decided to show him love, because he belived sukuna is still worthy of love, despite everyone and maybe even sukuna himself, believing that he no longer is worthy of such thing.

"Even if no one else will accept you... I'll live with you" "Itadori Yuuji... don't underestimate me. I'm... a "curse"!

[ludwigoat909]

SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH.....

I don't want to attack this comment too much because something tells me they're probably young and also because it's true that there are people out there that are to forgiving of Curly even downright ignoring what he did wrong (like yes enabling your firend knwing he's a rapist is very bad actually). But BY GOD I pray you never have an actual victim of abuse while you still have that mindset. Some of y'all just don't know how it works or how people are manipulated by it and until you get that you are not ready too talk about the subject.

Curly and Jimmy's relationship isn't fucking displayed as Jimmy purely berating him. The cockpit scene is literally meant to show how Jimmy is a source of confinement to Curly's insecurities. That's the thing with abusive relationships, first they try to establish a strong bond, make sure you stay trapped in it by making sure you are the problem and not them, along with giving you this false sense of warmth to make you still love them when you shouldn't

As for him "being a rape apologist". Look, I completely understand the conclusion. Like... him saying Jimmy, "they can fix it", and shit really fucking frustrates me on so many levels in everytime I play it making me go "DUDE WTF ARE YOU FUCKING SAYING STOOOP", and by god does it make me cringe to even try to make any explanation to his insane enabling behavior.... I still think he wasn't that honest when he said that shit.

Ok, so... there's people out there who have made parallels between him and Anya in terms of how they interact, so let's talk about that juuuust for a bit ok?

You'll see in the game, Anya tries to "compliment" Jimmy as an obvious defense mechanism to avoid him throwing a tantrum and, of course, harming her. Especially now that he's in an even higher position of power.

Now, does this shit compare to Curly? Fuck the hell NO. He is the captain, he should be taking actions, he is clearly still on a higher position then Jimmy even if the later has a strong inflence and control over him.

What I am saying is that Jimmy is a generally dangerous and emotionally unstable hypocrite who envies his best friend for getting all the praise. He thinks he is a victim in all of this. Not aknowledging the harm he has done nor identifying what the real problem is. That's why he looooves being fed into this belief that he is not defined by some """""""litttle""""""""" mistakes. That everything is going to be "fine"

So that's what I think Curly's intent when he enabled his shitty rapist friend wasn't to literally apologize the rape but rather, he simply tried to feed him off what he wanted to hear because it's the only way he knows how to deal with him, all in hopes of makimg sure the situation doesn't escalate, which didn't fucking work obviously.

The point of Curly is that he had to make a decision. He had to pick a side. He had to make a change. Yet he didn't. Because he's too much of a coward who is terrified of change. The cockpit dialogue being the biggest representation of that. Literally standing on a bridge, his feet stuck in cement. That is why

Again this isn't meant to be a defense for his action. It really isn't. I'm just saying that not seeing the red flags of an abuser like Jimmy isn't "unrealistic" and it is very victim-blamy to assume that their victims should've immediately see the red flags, and that he is less an apologist and more of a fucking coward.