#also the only reason i remember the numbers is because my teacher made me try and read the og Frankenstein by Mary Shelley

[jabberstar]

Scripting relatively minor details here to be more useful is so 🫶🫶🫶🫶. Like yeah babes, I became friends with Annabeth because she's the only person that can keep up with me and I'm the only person that can keep up with her (academically), ofc I'm using my "gifted kid" stuff to get close to ml in a different reality

[honeyydrunk]

reasons for some of the jjk men on why i would and wouldn't fuck them. i think now would be a good time to mention that uh i'm not going to be saying no to anyone. gege akutami knew what would sell.

starting off strong with GOJO SATORU daddy's home home for me i know i've been waiting no lube no protection all night all day any position any location any time no matter what he asks even if it hurts me i'll just endlessly over and over again go towards you.

now WHY would i climb the beanstalk? let's go through the reasons. - he's hot i remember the teacher giving him her number - he's tall bro was planned to be made into a coathanger bc of those japanese genetics defying legs. and you know if he's tall then proportionately..... - he's fast in 299 seconds gojo satoru had slaughtered a train's worth of transfigured humans - his voice "you cryin?" "this is where you're weak right?" it doesn't matter i watched jjk in sub, i went onto youtube and listened to the uploaded audios of the dub

but why i'm not fucking that man until failure 😔 ?! - i'm not geto suguru. i may be delusional but i'm not blind. even kenjaku wasn't able to sway him, and he WAS suguru. - he's too whimsical for my liking. bro would answer a call while midstroke, teleport out, then return like 30 minutes later with souvenirs and go "yeah let's continue!!"

🎀 nanami kento 🎀 to me it's not just sex. i wish to marry someone like him. i'm ridiculously close to manifesting 'a husband like nanami kento'. as someone who let's just say is situated in the finance sector, no one wants that man more than me. it's embarrassing how nanami is like a living cheat code to everything i've ever wanted.

oh for to be a lawyer representing his office firm, occasionally coming in every few months and parading in mini skirts and high heels. acting as if we're only acquaintances during the meeting. and after the deposition we end up in the backseat of his car during his lunch break. seriously hoping no one from the office comes down and decides to check why his car is 'moving' like that. 🎀 why i'm going to give him 'marry me head' 🎀 (this is going to be a long list)

- he's a tall guy in finance. - he's blonde but in a hot way - his technique is finding someone's weak spots. - he's absolutely built - he takes things seriously. bro would take you throughly. - i have a thing for successful men - he pulls hair - he kills curses effortlessly - he's very good at being relaxed while in a fight - island holiday sex - that office attire with the suit does things - when he takes off the tie and wraps it around his hand, he should be wrapping it around my wrists. - he likes bread? i can give him cake - oh his job must be so stressful isn't it such a good thing i'm really good at massages - stability in this economy is like the hottest thing istfg - i've never seen a not HAWT nanami cosplayer (no one try and prove me wrong) - when he's mad it's crazy hot

why i'm sadly not riding that man until he places a ring on my finger in the malaysian sunset? - he wouldn't want a relationship. not because he doesn't desire one, but due to the demanding nature jujutsu sorcery, not only would that drain him out too much to care, but also because he wouldn't want to put his partner through the mental challenges of not knowing whether he'd return alive or death. and the mental challenges it would give his partner if he died. - i'm not 27. he gives me the horrific (for me) vibes that he'd only consider a relationship with someone who he's the same age as. - my japanese skills are really bad that makes communication in a relationship a problem.

🙈 geto suguru 🙈 hes beautiful, getting slightly too close to my type for comfort, but whether i could ignore my grievances with his lifestyle choices is yet to be debated. i have a lot of grievances with that why i would beg him to consider a one night stand w this monkey?!: - tall hot built how many times am i going to have to say tall hot built throughout this post. we KNOW the jjk men are fine. for sex the standard really is just if they're hot. - his hair his soft long black flowing princess hair everyday i thank twice and loona stans for existing. your lesbianism has stolen the scissors away from the hands of men. thank you for your service..

- he's so soft when treating people he likes i like people being nice to me

- i hate the clothes he wears as a cult leader are you pregnant with all those curses you're swallowing? like the way kenjaku definitely didn't swallow. because that outfit looks like villain maternity wear. the only upside is that it makes me even more motivated to get that man OUT of his clothes.

- something about his gentleman type personality with his either cult leader flair or his extreme dedication has me going crazy delusional as with nanami i am weak to men that have corporate expertise. it should scare me the way i cave. like okay i'll bleach my hair white and get blue contacts if that's what it takes to have you. please charm me and make me delusional

- he's hot while killing people aside from financially successful gentlemen, unfortunately i have the horrific ailment of snapping the minute i see a crazy guy with blood on his face that kills people with ease. and that one scene where he DECIMATED that guy and wiped the blood of his cheek ruined me

why i'm staying far FAR FAR FAR away - i may relate to gojo satoru but i'm not him bro isn't touching me. i'm not his blue eyed the strongest bc i'm gojo because i'm the strongest coat hanger overconfident sweet lover hates moral arguments high school bittersweet situationship.

- i actually HATE his moral argument due to the balance of equilibrium and market forces whatever, if jujutsu sorcerers were meant to be the prevailing thingy then they would be so. i could go into more detail but let's just say i couldn't be gojo because how could i be so selfless to let the situationship of my life go to chase a dream he'll never achieve for an argument that's wrong because he feels it to be more important than me. - he's got the megumi potential man effect "worst curse user" R U SRS? be fr. i know he handed tokyo student's asses back to them but i think he's just a heartbroken guy who's a little bad and has a goal or whatever. bro is NOT the worst curse user. - can't figure out if i would mind lobotomied geto or not. but he would definitely be freakier after those backshots he took. - his mouth probably tastes like a rag used to clean shit and vomit - to my knowledge i am not a jujutsu sorcerer

choso !! choso !! choso !! why i would?! OFC I WOULD

- this again at some point saying tall hot and built starts to get too repetitive. but when he pulled his clothing to the side during that fight with yuuji, i was staring for TOO LONG. - i think his blackhead pore strip is cute. - his personality is ridiculously cute. obviously this may sound odd but i think we can gather i'm rather odd. in MY opinion, it's cute. like idk his sincerity in his choices is very cute. - i know i could make him blush so easily.

why i wouldn't.... (unfortunately) - i'm not his brother if there's one thing i know about that man is that he is dedicated to his brothers. he will not hear anything i have to say and simply ignore me for i am not his brother i am a random person. - i don't want to carry on kenjaku's bloodline - family reunions w that man would be ridiculous - the cursed womb paintings 1-3 is a concept i don't wish to partake in

fushiguro toji he's a real one. didn't like his family so he finds himself a cute wife. he's absolutely goated w those skills. his choices with child raising leave me seriously concerned with what might happen after our sexual activities. i mean the minute he realises who megumi was after he resurrected he just went and killed himself. CRAZY. but yeah i'd fuck him - he's built - he's built - he had to make megumi somehow - bros got grey sweatpants and a compression shirt - he has that heavenly pact for physical prowess he should USE IT - lowkey like how the scar looks - he wants to hit core this is one way to do it - he's built - i can tell he would be good in bed call it a 7th sense

why i wouldn't: - he'd steal everything i own while i'm asleep - id have to pay him to fuck me - i am not his original wife, he's not going to want me. - i don't want those crazy zenin clan freaks knowing who i am - do i want him to traumatise my kid when hes revived again? - i don't like gambling addictions

sukuna ryomen.....

would...... - 4 arms - 2 dicks - doesn't he have a tongue on his stomach? - built - king of curses he can be the king of this pussy - i wanna ride him so bad while he sits on that throne of his - ngl whatever that white kimono he wears is hot - his voice - he's lowkey funny - he's hot i'm not even going to bother denying

why i wouldn't: - i'm not megumi - bro would kill me before i ask him if i can suck him off - why would he agree? - if i survived i feel i would be severely looked down upon for this choice of mine

mahito.... (hella ashamed for this not even lying) would: - he's built - he can change his body to anything wouldn't: - he'd kill me and he's not like nanami where death would be worth it for him

@saradika TSYM !! i googled and found the free spacers

next "why i wouldn't and wouldn't" will be the neos the nct boys (however long that takes with HOW MANY? members?)

[siconetribal]

Beyond the Bookshelves (8)

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Warnings: Friendly banter, overworking

Summary: You’re a Resource Management Specialist at S.H.I.E.L.D. normally referred to as “The Librarian”. You’ve been assigned the nightmarish task of digitizing all the physical resources currently owned by the agency, with a few new computers and one extra helper.

A/N:

Please comment/like/reblog. If you’d like to be tagged moving forward, please let me know! (If I missed any tags, please let me know, I’ll add you right away!) I’d also greatly appreciate it if rebloggers remember to add the tags (or some at least).

The lovely banners used in this fic are from @cafekitsune.

If you’re new to the story, please check out the master post for the rest of the chapters.

“You have it?” Loki raised a brow at this, pulling out his phone to see her full name and some extra information about her that Steve had stored on his phone. The sight of it only made his mood even more sour as he shoved the device back into the pocket it came from after saving it. “Quite a bit of information you have saved on here.”

“Yeah? It’s stuff I picked up on overtime.” The innocent, casual shrug of his shoulders held arrogance in the eyes of the God of Mischief. A smug punctuation of how the star-studded super soldier was able to freely come and go from the library and he was not.

“Oh? ‘Just stuff’ that you picked, huh? ‘Overtime’ you say? What kind of ‘just stuff’ did you save overtime?” Tony leaned in closer, a smug little smirk on his face with a twinkle of interest in his eyes.

“It’s not what you’re thinking, Tony. Y/N and I are just friends. Don’t go spreading unnecessary rumors. It’s nice to just have someone to talk to and not have to worry too much.” The stern tone in his voice earned a groaning sigh and eye roll from the impulsive scientist. “Also, dating in the workplace is unprofessional and would inevitably lead to complications.” 

Romantic involvements are always troublesome. Loki silently agreed, the tension in his shoulders slipping away as Steve made it clear that there was nothing going on between the two of them. The last thing I need is her feeding him misinformation or him spying for her to see what I’m saying or doing. I require access to the library, not an extended sentence. He reasoned with himself.

“Mr. Rules strikes again, don’t you know any other tricks? Or is justice and teacher’s pet your only ones? I don’t even know why I bother talking to you, give me her number. There’s something there, I know there is!” Loki sat up straight at the words that came out of the short Midgardian. His eyes narrowed with suspicion. “Share her contact with me.” The prince’s eye twitched at the demand. He could not fathom why all of them wanted her number now that it was clear that none of them actually had it. What good was there in having contact information for someone that would never be contacted.

Especially when his interests were more fickle than the tide, ever-changing from one stupid notion to the next.

“I’ll pass on that,” Steve rolled his eyes at the petulant child look that Tony gave him. Loki silently agreed with this decision. “But you’re more than welcomed to get it from yourself.”

No, he is not! What sort of denial is that?! You may as well have given him the damned number if you’re giving permission to get it! His jaw ached from how tightly it was clenched, his leg rapidly bouncing under the table. Thor noticed the changes in his younger brother’s demeanor, but said nothing. He figured the company of the others was the cause, and as the elder of the two, he thought it best that Loki grew accustomed to the presence of the other Avengers.

“Are you gatekeeping her number? Why not just give it to me?”

“Because, I want you to actually work for something. Plus, this is just you trying to get under my skin, and you’re not actually going to go after her to get her number, Tony, I know you. This is a shiny new toy that you’re going to forget about the moment something else comes along.”

“You do like to play with things and toss ‘em aside when you’re bored.” Clint agreed, sipping his drink as he nudged the empty tray forward. “You’re not actually going to call her anyway.”

“Et tu, Robin Hood?” Tony gasped in horror. “Is that what all of you think of me? That I’m someone so callous to just use a poor innocent maiden like Y/N and just throw her away like yesterday’s newspaper the next day? I am offended. I’ll show you, me and her, we’re going to be like this.” He entwined his index and middle finger of one hand before standing up from the table. “You’ll see, and you’ll all regret it!” He threw his nose into the air and left, the others amused by his dramatics as they continued to not take him seriously. The only person not amused was Loki. They all goaded the chatty Tin-Man into actually getting her number instead of leaving her alone, the exact opposite of what should have been done.

It’s horrible enough that Major Constellations over here frequents the place, and he’s friendly with her, now I’ll have to share my sanctuary with that aluminum can? I refuse to accept this! There has to be some logic I’m missing, unless this is all some ploy to ruin my peace and quiet. No, I can’t be, can it? They’re all trying to ruin what little solace I have here? He eyed the remainder of the group suspiciously. Thor is working with me on that infernal project that started this mess, I doubt he is tied to it. The straight-laced sergeant only comes when he needs to for missions. I don’t think I’ve seen the bird-man there. That leaves just that nuisance of an existence, but his focus is currently on troubling their leader. Perhaps that is all there is to it? If it truly is, then I have nothing to worry about, so long as I get to her first and convince her to not share her contact information. To do that, I need her to first lift this Stygian banishment!

“Well, I thank you for her number, you proved most helpful in this matter of miscommunication. I should start putting my efforts towards composing a proper response, so I take my leave.” Loki stood from the table and left without giving anyone a chance to pry anymore than they already had.

“Director Y/LN, looks like everything checks out here. The programs are all running and there hasn’t been any repetition of the errors we first faced.” The weary voice of her subordinate pulled Y/N’s attention from her laptop screen.

“About time,” Y/N pushed a chipper tone into her voice to mask the true exhaustion that had taken lodging inside her. Lacing her fingers together, she turned her palms outwards and stretched as she sighed. “I swear, technology isn’t as amazing as it’s cracked up to be…especially when it flops like this first thing.” She grumbled as she logged the successful trial and cleared this site as operational.

“When it acts up, I can’t agree more. When it’s working, I have no complaints.” Her subordinate’s soft chuckle could not mask the fatigue. “C’mon, it’s late, but we still have time to grab dinner. The rest of us are heading out to celebrate that we’re finally online!” The eager twinkle in those brown eyes made the offer more tempting, but Y/N had to decline. 

“You gotta join us, Chief!” Another chimed in, hearing her answer.

“Pretty please?” Came another plea.

“I really wish I could, but I’ve got a red-eye to catch. I need to finalize and submit the report before I’m off.” Y/N closed her laptop and pointed to the large clock on the wall.

“Damn, they’re really not giving you any wiggle room, huh?”

“That’s not fair at all! Other directors don’t go running around like they’re making you. This is abuse!”

“Let’s not get too hasty, I choose to handle certain things personally to make sure it’s done properly. It reduces the chances of unnecessary back-and-forth. Next time we can celebrate, I promise. Thanks for all your hard work, everyone. Let’s keep it up and get this project completed as soon as possible.” With a chorus of confirmations and cheers. Y/N packed her things and gave one last wave before leaving back to her hotel. 

She dropped back onto the awaiting mattress, heaving a heavy sigh as she finally let the fatigue show itself. For the last five weeks, Y/N flew between all the S.H.I.E.L.D. locations that had a library department to manage the setup and checks of the new system that was provided per location as promised. She had been formally trained on the software, but sat through the boring session with the staff each and every time it was given. There was no doubt in her mind that if she were to die now, her last words would probably be incoherent ramblings from the lecture. The only good news in all this was that she was finally done. This flight would bring her one step closer to her much-needed comfy bed in her small, cozy apartment.

Forcing herself up, she pulled out her laptop to edit her report one last time before sending it off and logging out for the remainder of the evening. She changed to something comfortable and made sure everything was packed away and ready to go before ordering room service.

At least they don’t cheap out on where I stay and pick up the tab entirely. She leaned back into the padded headboard that was attached to the wall. “Did I check in to my flight? Crap, I don’t think I did.” She muttered, feelings round the covers until she found her phone hidden away under a pillow. A good hour and a half was burned away through all her editing and rechecking the report. Her stomach growled in protest. Gently patting the disgruntled creature, she quickly checked in through the app and sighed with relief at the boarding pass notification on her status bar. It was then that she noticed the message notification that was sitting there unread, still. 

The corners of her lips tugged downwards into a frown. Y/N could have sworn that she read all of her messages. Opening the texting application, she noticed the unknown number had sent about 3 messages to her, the latest being from a couple of days ago. Her eyebrows furrowed as she stared at the glowing screen, trying to recall anything. When nothing came to her, she gave in and opened the chat. Her jaw dropped as it all cam rushing back to her.

Oh shit, I’m in trouble now! She lightly and rapidly hit the heel of her left hand into her forehead several times. Way to go, Y/N, you completely ignored someone for almost three weeks now! “What do I do, what do I do?! Obviously, I need to reply, but how?!” She bit her lower lip, typing, reading, erasing, and retyping too many times to count before giving up at the knock at her door. Paying the server a tip, she sat at the table and began to eat. Clearly she needed food to get her brain in some semblance of working order as she reread the messages.

<Librarian, this is Loki, the second prince of Asgard. It has come to my attention that you have been working under a misunderstanding. Remove the banishment order.> It was the first text that came roughly three weeks ago.

<Librarian, this is not amusing. You placed a banishment order with no means for me to rectifying your misunderstanding by leaving the facility. Remove it at once.> This second text came four days after the first.

<Why do you not answer me, woman? I have repeatedly asked you to remove your misguided decision, and it has yet to be fixed.>  This text, which made her snort, came almost two weeks ago. <I know you have read my texts.> 

None of this is asking me anything, you’re demanding. She rolled her eyes.

<Perhaps my prior texts were not properly worded. As per the insistent pestering of my brother and the others, I am messaging you again. I did not intentionally ignore you the day you banished me from the library. I had just come from a lengthy training session and review/strategy meeting afterwards. The only thing I had done between then and arriving at the library was to refresh myself in my quarters to be more presentable in public. The ‘promise’ I made slipped my mind completely, but I had no control over that matter due to how long it took. You make ask your precious admiral if you wish to confirm my story, or you can request the data of that session to prove the time. With all that being said, I understand why you would be upset. I would greatly appreciate it if you would remove the order given to the system so that I may read peacefully in the library once more.> She was surprised to see such a lengthy text coming after all the short, demanding ones that came before it. What surprised her even more was the last text sent earlier today when she was fighting with the program errors. <Are you alright? You have not read my last text.><Sorry for replying so late, I was tied up with my work. Also, I accept your ‘apology’. By ‘admiral’, do you mean CAPTAIN America, Steve?> It took her a minute to realize who he was referring to, and she nearly fell out of her seat laughing at the mistake no one has ever made. At least not to her. <Why would I go ask him or check the records? I doubt you’re lying about a long session, I trust you. Sadly, you’ll have to wait until I’m back on site to cancel the order. I can only do those type of changes while on S.H.I.E.L.D. grounds and on their network. Good news is I’ll be back Monday, so just two more days!> She confidently sent her reply and finished the rest of her meal. Glancing at the clock, she sighed and called for the driver to come as she made her way to the lobby and checked out. Soon you’ll be home, Y/N, soon.

Tags: @vbecker10 @huntress-artemiss @softestqueeen @thegodofnotknowing @princess-ofthe-pages @firedrakegirl @rcailleachcola @cabingrlandrandomcrap @lotrefcp @lwtannie @jainaeatsstars @msdjsg7 @tom-hlover @kneelingformyloki @gruftiela @gigglingtiggerv2 @kats72 @mischief2sarawr @evalynanne

[wanderingmind867]

Pretty much ever since my mom died (give or take), I've been taking these online social skills classes (comprised of autistic kids in grades 7-8 of Elementary School and grades 9-12 of High School). It started because my dad and I both felt I needed more practice with social interaction, but I only kept with it because the people who run the program are really, really nice. But for years i've been taking this program (since I can take it as long as I'm in High School). I've been taking it for so long that I don't even remember how many times I've taken it. But I know that this year is going to wind up being my last year of High School. And so that means this is probably my last (or possibly second to last) chance to take this social skills class. And I have very, very mixed opinions on this.

On the one hand, the kids in the classes have been a very mixed bag. Some have been very obnoxious, to the point where I dreaded making a phone call with them. They were noisy and weird and all around uncomfortable to deal with. But some were pretty tolerable. Some of them I still vaguely remember (I suppose it makes sense I can only remember some of them vaguely), and they weren't awful kids. If I were a braver and bolder person, i would have tried to keep in touch with them. But I was never brave or bold enough for that. I have some of their phone numbers, but i'm too cowardly to try to keep in touch with any of the other students.

But beyond the students, the teachers have been amazing too. I actually have sort of kept in touch with one of the teachers, but mostly because my dad helps by making first contact through email. But the teachers for the program are wonderful, and they're probably 90% of the reason I stuck with the thing (because the lessons are always the same each time, and the students are a very mixed bag). But i'll admit, I also kept taking the class because I didn't want to forget the lessons. We practiced social interaction by making phone calls to other students. And even though i always got my dad to help me script some discussion topics for the calls, just making the phone calls themselves was very good practice for me.

So the classes have been very useful for me, I think. I mean… I haven't actually made any new friends from the classes (probably because I don't keep in touch with the people I've called, and they don't keep in touch with me). So on the whole, my friend count is still zero (besides my dad). But I think it's still been good practice for me. Even just practicing calling people and learning the rules of basic social interaction has been helpful for me.

So I'm a little sad that this might be my last time taking the course. I'm scared that if I stop taking it, I'll lose all the lessons it's taught me and i'll end back just as bad socially as I was before I began taking these courses. So thinking about it being my last time makes me feel incredibly nervous, and I really don't like that. It's just yet more stress if an existential variety, shoved on my plate against my will. I hate the passage of time.

[serendertothesquad]

Seren's Studies: The Odd Squad UK Gadget Competition Results Video (Part 1)

Do you guys remember the whole ordeal about the first Sonic movie? Where Paramount approved an ugly-ass design for Sonic and then went back and had the crew tweak it after massive bullying and backlash?

Do you remember it being one of the more definitive examples of "bullying works"?

Yeah, apply that logic to trying to get a whole entire television network to recognize a show it's shat on for 7 years. Sure, I was able to make them recognize older shows' anniversaries, but having them put out a promo for a show that is not only the defining one of next month's event, but has a new series/season premiering? Lol, no. I can go get bent until my vertebrae cracks, clearly.

This, however, is not that television network.

Ladies and gents, it took us 4 months, but we finally have the results of the Odd Squad UK gadget competition on the other side of the pond. And with it, we have a much longer sneak peek at the world of Odd Squad UK. Somewhere, DeWitt and her execs are awooga-ing at this, in the "what the actual fuck" kind of way. Either that, or they're too drunk on Hennessy to care. There is no gray area.

I said I was gonna make a followup on the video, and here it is. Come pop down below the break, why don't you?

(And, uh...mind the television bugs, why don't you. It's CBBC. They have a zillion shows on the roster. Don't be surprised.)

Four months and we already have somewhat better editing than the briefing video.

It's not a wide margin, but it's pretty significant.

(And if you're telling me we really need a recap...have you seen the numbers my reuploads are doing? The first video pushed me over the 1k-subscriber count!)

HHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOLY FUCKIN' COLLEGE SCIENCE LAB, BATMAN.

Even putting aside that this is where Asha Soetan and Alexander Shaw filmed the NETA PMAs invite video...because I know that rainbow megaphone anywhere...clearly partnering with the BBC gave them a much bigger budget to work with.

It's either that, or this is a second Lab, because this isn't the first one from the other video. That one was smaller and looked more reasonably like a Lab. This one looks like they yoted all the science teachers out of the University of Cambridge and hijacked it just for the lab alone.

(Alternatively, Captain O's about to go Eric Andre on that door in a minute.)

"Move, bitches. Out of my way. Don't make me get the crown."

Given how Oprah had "There you are, something very odd has happened" as a greeting catchphrase, and later had "Greetings, agents" when she became the Big O, Captain O having "ahoy, ahoy, and welcome" as hers is such a stark contrast that fits with her character and I'm living for it.

Also, apparently this is the precinct's...Gadget Room? Did the Lab not suffice or did we just get our first continuity contradiction of this series before it even officially premiered?

...Don't answer that. That's a rhetorical question.

For one thing, the guy's a regular Stanley Kubrick.

For another, Captain O apparently has earrings, because the only answer to "is she androgynous" and "DOES THE GORL HAVE A GENDER" is "yes! our tertiary sexual characteristics for this character are earrings and a braid".

...I can feel the U.S. Marine Corps trying to advertise to my "do sailors wear earrings" ass FROM WHERE I AM FUCKING SITTING.

"To help us...y'know, as opposed to, say, the sitting President of the United States or Olive and Otto-"

"Who?"

"Ah- n- never mind. Not important."

"No, seriously, Onom. I am your boss. Who are you speaking of?"

"...Well, allow me to tell you a little about the show you're in..."

Depressed-ass-who-won't-take-his-Cymbalta Ozzie, we get it, cease with the filler, I am begging you.

So what I gather is that Captain O is very close to mastering the art of the Fus-Ro-Dah, because that "ENOUGH!" nearly made me fall out of the chair.

Any higher and it'll match the sound of my fire alarm!

Already loving this actress and already loving the direction they gave her of "all the sass, cranked up to eleven".

Oprah had sass. She did not have enough sass to make it at Fashion Week, in either season.

Orpita...had no sass. Not an inch. Not in any of the three areas she was in.

Even past a pandemic, even when the virus that caused the pandemic still exists, they still got it.

Meanwhile, they gave Orwell the direction of "scare the children, but don't scare them too much".

No, seriously. Put him in a horror movie. Put him in a M. Night Shyamahanahana production. He'd fit right in!

"You have sent us gazillions of designs..."

Yeah, no fuckin' shit! Odd Squad is to the UK what Precure is to Japan! Again I say, no fuckin' shit!!

...

NO MOTHERFUCKIN' SHI-

If it took two of them to sift through the designs of thousands...honestly, I commend 'em for the commitment. Can't be easy when you dominate UK kids show ratings, y'know?

Okay, hilarious drama aside...

The...the Memer-inator?

...Okay, I'm looking at the very-automated closed captions. It's the Memory-nator. Which...well, the name alone already brings horrifying implications. Or maybe that's just me thinking of All Mixed Up again.

All right, which one of you crazy sonuvaguns sent this in and took home gold, hehh??

(A very obvious /j, but look, it wouldn't be the first time a fan from outside the franchise's demo has gotten a gadget design in. OddTube Season 1, anyone?)

I like how they make us believe the UK precinct has all this fancy-schmancy Blender-type stuff, but it's actually Sinking Ship Entertainment who made this.

The kids won't know unless they read through the Terms and Conditions. But I know my shittin' way around this show and have been involved with it for 10 years so help me God. I know how the animation works around here even if I'll never work for the company a day in my life.

You're laughing.

The sick man has a villain arc and you're laughing at this unnecessary drama.

OH WELL HELLO NEW TUBE-EXITING EFFECTS. HOW YA DOIN'.

The days of when Season 3 got an upgrade and everyone was...I dunno...divided on it? Yeah, I'll say the fandom was pretty divided on it. I kind of miss those days.

(And if you're on the side of "they've improved", look at "Down the Tubes" and get back to me. The stuff seen here is a very vast improvement compared to...whatever they were on when putting the touches on those special effects.)

Is...is that a fuckin' scooter?

Putting aside the fact that unless you're gonna bludgeon Ozzie on the head with it then it isn't needed...I mean look, if you can somehow ride a scooter on grass, then bless you. I tried riding one on grass once, and all I got was dirt and scrapes and a harsh reminder that tinny baby wheels do not fare well on dirt. Basic science, really.

...No, really, don't bludgeon Ozzie over the head with it. It won't change him. Not mentally, anyway.

Behold: one of the few examples when touching grass might get you offline, but it doesn't make you feel better.

Y' geddit? Because he was associated with villains? D' y' geddit?

DO YOU GEDDIT JIM. DO YOU GEDDIT. ARE YOU S T U P I D ????? DO YOU NOT GEDDIT??????

"And it's only Thursday."

I could connect this to OddTube, if I really wanted to. If I really wanted to try. If I really wanted to give it my all.

But I do not, and so I will not.

"Depressed-ass bitch..."

"Hey!"

"If it worked for putting the Sad Blob on the telly..."

"You mean the one for ecs-"

"No."

three funniest memories

this thing is nearly half over already

Look, one of the things this video has going for it is that it's handling this shit in five minutes a lot better than Tell Your Tale ever did, if you mind the filler.

The problem, however, is that someone on the writing team took the wrong lesson from trying to stuff meat into a five-minute meal.

"Well, we've only got eight days until premiere, so...if it doesn't work..."

"But he's gonna get sick with the Saturdays."

"What?!"

"And then there's that Bad-Luck-itis strain going around..."

"WHAT?!"

Ahp, yep, there we go. Our first second continuity contradiction and the show hasn't even fucking premiered yet.

At this point, it's been ten years. I have no emotion nor feelings towards this one way or the other. No one should be surprised by this unless they are just coming across this show, and if you are one of those people, I have nothing but pity for you. And a cookie, because I'm nice. And also a textbook for you to read for free.

That aside...at least we see where he got his cheerleading skills from. He's just using a mop instead of a flag, because this is what Hoarders has stooped to.

*throws a glass behind me, and the glass shatters*

The guy has memories from the future, and I know human biology rules mean fuck-all here, but I'd like a 10-page essay on why that is.

That being said, he's a cheerleader, but he absolutely sucks at it. And in a world where math reigns supreme, going "1, 2, 4, 8" is tantamount to hate speech.

Ohhhhh...so he's the head of a cheerleading team?

I mean hey, if we have sports teams in 13579, I don't see why we can't have a cheerleading team for the UK precinct. I also don't see why we can't have a boy be the head of it, because, y'know...breaking gender stereotypes is part of what this franchise is so famous for.

*silent, pained, muffled screaming*

Really, if I want something like this, I'll go watch "Training Day" aga-

...Hold on.

...

THESE ARE BITS FROM UPCOMING EPISODES AREN'T THEY.

I'M BEING GAMED AREN'T I.

MOTHER OF FUCKING FUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHCK.

Look, it doesn't beat the blob snot Otto got on him, nor does it beat the innuendo-filled bit at the end of "It Takes Goo to Make a Feud Go Right"...

But it'll work. It's a nice middle ground of "this happened and apparently it's sticky".

Genuinely can't believe it took this thing over half of its runtime to make me cackle. Orwell's laugh, though? Fucking sending me to Saturn. The others' laughter? Fucking sending me to the part of space where Star Twinkle Precure takes place.

Moral of this entire bit: Ozzie, get better workplace friends. If even your boss is laughing at you, you're not in the right job.

(Psst: go peep Part 2!)

[imjustabeanie]

My part of the exchange for @summernightsdawn

Your twisted match is....Lilia!

Hear me out, I hesitated between 4 people (lilia, rook, deuce and kalim in this order). But in the end I settled (or made you settle) for our favorite bat fae, Lilia.

I believe that you befriended Silver first and then Lilia. You said you were a big sis or mum friend, which means that you’d be part of the people helping out Silver when he starts dozing off and all. Silver would talk about you to Lilia who’d at first be mostly interested in thanking you for taking care of silver when he is not here. But then he found you fun, sticked around and a love story bloomed.

You two are just walking sunshines, with Lilia being more mischievous and pranking people (and then you rush to help them out, the poor victim is confused on being angry or thankful. Beware, Lilia will be jealous and pouty if you ignore him to help out other too much). With this dynamic, Lilia finds it hilarious that you’re the bluntest in the relationship. Yeah you two are a confusing when you’re around because it’s just full of surprises.

You’re a hopeless romantic and Lilia is a knight in shining armor who’d give it all for the people he loves (I won’t spoil but you see it very well in chapter 7). He is also imaginative and will try his best to make both your visions of love come true. His favorite thing to do is rushing at you to hug you, dipping you for a kiss if you let him, getting you obscure and rare gifts, wearing matching things with you and just spending time with you. He likes video games and would try his best to make you play with him co op games (jokingly calling you his forever number 2). He always let you put make up on him and even dress him up! And he will proudly wear it with pride. Your comments make him laugh and he will always oblige while answering you in character. He is someone who enjoys the present and wants to make the best of it so there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for you if he loves you very much and the relationship gets very deep.

For the entire Diasomnia crew, teach him how to cook if you can. That’s the only magic even Malleus can’t master. You’ll get loyal knights (silver and sebek) forever by your side if you manage to make him cook something edible. He loves cooking and baking with you but….good luck. Lilia doesn’t seem like he studies much but it’s because he has vast and ancient knowledge. He can answer any of you historical, magical and even literature/folklore related questions. I believe that for this reason he’d be the best critique cuz he doesn’t break you in his criticism and gives you excellent advices to do better.

You’re a blue belt in taekwondo? He is a general, he’d love to spare with you and gives you fighting advice, a very good teacher as we saw with sebek and Silver. Lilia sometimes surprise you by taking you observe timeless pieces only available to the elite and speaking in depth about all of them. Sometimes they’re in his room but it’s so chaotic in there….The only issue in the relationship is that Lilia bottles up a lot and won’t reveal his past easily (he won’t if he has to). Sometimes you feel like you don’t really know him, but he is doing his best, just give him time. Both of you hide things, be it memories or feelings, but once one of you starts opening up, the other will follow. It’s a question of when that only you can answer. He is also not above pranking you, so I hope you won’t get easily angered by this. When you get angry, he’s not very good at calming you down because he jokes a lot. Heck, sometimes he even just kisses you to fluster you and make you forget your anger. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t take care of you! You’re the apple of his eyes. Also, he doesn’t mind you teasing him about his height, but remember, he can fly. He will fight back, lol.

[siriuslysatorusimping]

ok this has been plaguing my mind so naturally i’m offloading it so someone else shares this burden. i am DYING to know what megumi thinks of the rinko/gojo situation (granted, if anything). like, he is a child who hears gojo call rink babe and sweetheart all while being touchy and i assume megumi also sees gojo with other hookups or atleast flirting/getting numbers. do you see megumi saying anything to gojo (before he knows it’s casual) since we see him warming to rinko?

Hello, dear, sweet Anon! I LOVE this question!!

Because I'm ME, my answer is below the cut because it's gonna be long and wordy and probably make ZERO sense but I'll try 🙃

Note after I've written the response: THIS IS SUCH A LONG POST I'M SORRY AGAIN AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Read Another Level on AO3 :)

OKAY, SO.

What does Megumi think of Rinko and Gojo?

The shortest answer is that he thinks they're both idiots but that he really, really just wants his adoptive mom cousin to be happy.

I'm gonna answer the easiest part first.

Does Megumi also see Gojo with other hookups or flirting/getting numbers from other women?

Rarely, if ever, does Megumi witness this. Primarily because Megumi only spends time with Gojo for three main reasons: Training, a job, or to visit the Zenin estate.

Funny enough, Megumi spends more casual time with Rinko than he does with Gojo. Though Gojo will obviously tag along whenever he can because he loves to be a little shit and he wants to be around her whenever he can.

So, Megumi has actually seen Rinko get more numbers than Gojo. Though, people will typically avoid her when she's with him because they assume that Megumi is her kid and most men don't want that smoke 😂 and also because Megumi has already mastered that Zenin scowl and stare, which means he glares at anyone who gets too close to her because our lil bean is protective of his adoptive mom cousin.

(Remember in Double-Edged Words when Rinko noted that she felt the anger of two people behind her? Our lil bean of a boy was about to throw hands with an old man for his adoptive mom cousin, guys.)

Megumi has seen Gojo flirt with a few women, but he can tell Gojo acts differently with Rinko, is softer, more genuine than he is with other people in general. And Megumi also knows that Gojo doesn't even realize he does it.

What does he think when he hears Gojo call Rinko baby and sweetheart?

Gojo was actually pretty careful with what he called her around Megumi for the first few years that Rinko knew Megumi. He mainly called her 'Rinko-chan' around Megumi because he knew Rinko would freak out on him for calling her a pet name so casually in public.

Especially on jobs, Rinko will usually give Gojo a very unpleasant look if he calls her anything too familiar. And he respects that it's one of her boundaries. We'll see this a bit later, when they're at work, both of them as teachers, and he will call her Kurisaki-chan exclusively to respect how uncomfortable it makes her when he calls her anything else.

Megumi knew they slept together, especially after Gojo gave Naobito a small piece of his mind, and after in Winter Lullaby when they woke up and Gojo was literally in Rinko's bedroom, there's no beating around the bush with that one.

But for the most part, Gojo tried not to be overly affectionate with her in front of Megumi to respect her boundaries.

Because Maki is living with Rinko now, she's going to end up seeing more of their relationship than Megumi early on because she's going to be around Rinko all the time for a little while. But, in addition, because Maki is living with her, she's going to be bringing Megumi around so that Maki isn't lonely and they will train together often before they start school, meaning Gojo will be there too.

Innate Issues - Part 3 is where we're beginning to see the shift, though, where Gojo is freer with how he talks to her, and it's mainly because of how uneasy the job made both of them. When he first called her 'baby' during that job, it was out of instinct because he was trying to get her out of harm's way. He didn't want the Special Grade to clock her energy and come looking for the source, so he called her baby before he could think otherwise. He was a bit freer with how he called her baby and touched her after it was over because he'd been worried about her 🥺

BUT, remember, Megumi is perceptive and it has been said so many times that he just doesn't seem his age. So he knows what's going on lol. Because you've also got to remember that Toji was his dad. And he straight up, according to Gojo, said that he believed his dad sold him to the clan for gambling money. Kid's been through shit, ya know?

Does he ever say anything to Gojo about Rinko?

Short answer is yes, he does. But it's much later, actually. Because again, he's seen Gojo and Rinko in separate environments and just how different they are with each other.

At some point, he's going to look Gojo in the eye and just ask him what the hell he's doing with Rinko and why he hasn't married her yet.

The relationship and how he sees them together is one of the reasons he's so openly antagonistic toward Gojo when she's around, too. How he teases Gojo and calls him a child. When he and the girls called Gojo annoying and then he met Rinko's eyes through the rearview mirror, because of how he views her, she's one of the few people who get those smiles and smirks where she knows he's enjoying himself and having fun.

BUT, there will also be a part, in a later installment, where he's going to be worried about her, I'll give you a lil taste:

Her face fell for a moment before she could steel her expression, the hurt showing long enough she knew his keen eyes caught it. “No,” she admitted, watching his eyes narrow at her. “I found out today. When you did.” “Why didn’t he tell you-?” “Beats me, kid,” she said, shrugging as she smiled at him. “He’s got his reasons. Doesn’t have to tell me everything.” “But he usually does,” Megumi argued, and that ache in her chest started growing again at the look of concern on his face now. “Rinko-san-” “You’re too young to be that concerned about me,” she teased, ruffling his hair and chuckling when he swatted her hand. “Don’t worry about it. I’m sure he had his reasons for not telling either of us, yeah?”

Rinko knows he's perceptive, so she tries to hide if things aren't going well and it only makes him narrow in quicker. But note when he says "he usually does" when it comes to telling her things. Wherever this is in our timeline, Megumi knows the two don't have secrets, and him realizing that they suddenly do makes him worried for her.

Megumi's relationship with Rinko really will become a bit of a reluctant parent/kid without either of them realizing it, because she's essentially lying so Megumi doesn't view Gojo any worse even though what it actually does is make him more upset because he knows she's doing it. BUT, there will also be very sweet moments, which I'll share a lil bit of:

“Megumi-” “Rinko-san,” he greeted, easily catching the ginger candy she tossed him. “You don’t need to keep bribing me, you know-” “Who said it’s still a bribe?” she asked, watching him smile at her. “Unless you’re telling me you don’t want it? I’ll eat yours too-” His only reply was opening the wrapper and chewing the candy before she could finish her statement.

And, because I have zero self-control, I'll give one last lil peek:

“I couldn’t even help,” he muttered, his jaw clenching. “I was useless-” “Don’t,” she said, pinching his ear harshly. “That doesn’t help you.” “Ow!” he smacked her hand away. “You’re as bad as he is sometimes.” “Only when you need it,” she mused, a small smile on her face as she watched him rub his ear.

OKAY, so there's my hella long rant I hope it makes sense!! 🥹

Thank you again for your question!!!! 💕💕

[kingofthering]

Can I say that your stats has brought back the love of mathematics back to me? Majoring in aerospace engineering is the best decision I’ve made but it also made me lose the love that I had for maths and the enjoyment when I solve a hard problem but the pressure of performing well made me enjoy it less and less each day, one day I was having a mental breakdown because I couldn’t solve a problem that I should have been able to do it in my sleep so I given up and was going to fail that course.

I got into tumblr and someone reblogged a stat that you made and I went down a rabbit hole of all the stats you made; I got an A+ on that course because of you and this year is my last year so I just wanted to come and thank the person who made me love maths again.

Hello, I know you said it was fine if I kept this for myself but I do want to share some stuff back so here we go.

First of all, thanks again for sharing because like I mentioned the night you sent it, it did move me the first time I read it and it's still making me feel a little emo, truthfully.

Secondly, congratulations on your A+ and having reached your last year of school. I know that aerospace engineering is hard (physics and me have a lot of beef and I know this involves a lot of concepts I just can't wrap my head around) and I fully understand what it's like to stop enjoying something when it just gets too much, so truly kudos for managing to pull through.

This made me think of my own relationship to mathematics and gave me more to think than I intended. I've always had more of a scientific mind and I was what was considered a "gifted kid" when I was younger (IQ tested high when I was 6, I still have the conclusion from the doctor who did my test, it's so funny how accurate to my memories of little 6 years-old me it is) and maths was the one subject that came to me the easiest (reading and writing as well until I was maybe 12 and then not so much).

After highschool, I went to "prépa" but the physics & chemistry kind instead of full mathematics (so that second year every week I had like 6 to 8 hours of Maths, same with Physics, same with Chemistry and then a couple of hours of English and French/Philosophy to go with, in additions to two oral exams and one written test every Saturday morning). It was obviously very challenging and there were a lot of things that I didn't understand and I am not missing that time of my life but, you know, I maybe have a couple fond memories of some stuff?

First year was like whatever but that second year I had a very odd/special teacher but for some reason he liked me and that did push me to try harder with maths. Fun fact : we never studied statistics but the chapter I enjoyed the most was probabilities (and I associate the two in my head when there is no reason to, don't ask me why).

The only time in my life where I had a statistics class when in engineering school and I have zero memory of it and I don't remember especially enjoying it (which might have to do with either the content or the fact that once in engineering school, you tend to not care about classes much anymore, who knows).

And essentially, all that to say, I think the last time I stopped having fun with numbers in an academic context was probably 9 years ago.

In 2020, I got back into hockey. A couple of months later, I started putting tables together with numbers and stuff. My most prideful content were the results to the NHL fans survey (it's 10.8k words and contains 23 figures and yes there are a lot of things I would do differently if I were to do this again but for a first, it was nice) and the analysis on first rounders. Most of my hockey work is sitting in Google Sheets that have never seen the light of day (except a Discord discussion with one specific person).

In 2022, I got into F1 and then in 2023 (well, late 2022 but first real race weekend was Portugal 2023), I got into MotoGP. My first big thing was the fans survey but for F1 (which got really nice feedback) and then I haven't done a lot of things for F1 (or very basic ones, the RPF survey had some success and took some time I guess) but MotoGP? Oh boy does my brain get a kick from putting MotoGP shit together. The 2023 seasons graphics were a lot of fun to do and if I have to pick favorites, I'm still very fond of the "staying with your team or not" article and I guess I'm still fond of the "positions gained and lost by each rider after 11 rounds" because it was noticed by Frankie on Twitter (and maybe things haven't always been smooth on Marc's side of the garage this year but he's still Marc's race engineer and he won that championship with Joan and he's a professional in MotoGP so, you know).

And so a couple of months ago I started my blog and last season I started journaling the season, kept doing it in 2024 while adding a ton of tables in my dedicated Google Sheet and I truly look forward to filling everything in through the weekends and see the averages and the rankings evolved as we go through the season.

That said, receiving feedback on here and people enjoying the stats posts and giving their opinion on stuff has been very rewarding and motivating. I know that they say "do things because you enjoy them, not for other people" etc etc but I am very much constantly in need of validation, so.

(I would still have a ton of Google Sheets anyway but the motivation to share stuff and put efforts in the presentation would be lessened otherwise.) (Not to guilt trip anyone or anything.) (Or am I.)

Although, I will say, I have a big imposter syndrome (that forcefully is valid sometimes, I promise) and ever since 2021, I've been thinking about going into Data Science/Data Analysis because I genuinely enjoy trying to find trends in numbers and presenting them nicely and all that (also tiktok picked up on it at some point and was offering a lot of videos of people in that field, it didn't help). The thing is, putting the data together is like half of the job and the rest feels very basic to me? Like it's a lot of additions and averages and putting things in categories and making the figures and tables look nice at the end. So far removed from what professionals would do. And of course tumblr and the wordpress blog are not asking professional things out of me but like, I've also been bored at work for a while so, not helping either (meanwhile I also know that it's different for hobbies to remain hobbies).

ANYWAY. Didn't mean for this to turn in a mild life crisis but I promised we are done. Thanks again for sharing 🫶

[skinnytuna]

(i'm anon who replied to your long post about audience validation and art)

thank you for your response, it's very interesting. it's actually kinda funny because I used to be a person who never, ever shared anything I did with other people (online or in person). I wouldn't talk about the media I enjoyed or showed the drawings I made. it always felt too intimate - I was only doing it for myself and so having other people's eyes on it wouldn't add anything to my enjoyment apart from shame from not liking or creating the 'perfect' thing. if I imagined what I would do in the future, it was only from the perspective of what I would actually create, rather than the validation it would give me.

and then my world view flipped, I guess as I became increasingly exposed to online validation. I still dont share anything I make but if I (indulgently) daydream about creating something, it is rarely purely the process of creation that I think about. I cant separate the stuff I do and the response I would get like I could as a kid. this is probably partly because of watching numbers rise online. but maybe it could also just be the sad reality of transitioning into adulthood? when you are young the stuff you make is never going to get you shit. but when you are older, you are expected to view the world with a transactional slant: whatever you give, you must get back in return.

idk how into fandoms you are but I love them because they are a way to remove that dependence on transaction (both monetary and inter-personal validation) we have. obviously, fandoms mostly exist in an online world and so some people are going to be more successful at creating than others (and some people might even manage to make a tiny amount of money) but mostly they are pretty equal. most artists (fic writers/fan artists) are only creating for the sake of creation. they like something, want to improve it or want to explore a world and so they create. some fanfic writers will never get past 100 kudos on a single work, but they still write thousands and thousands of more words. this is because, for them, writing is a hobby and a way to have fun. they are literally unable to monetise it, and the possible size of a response is often limited by the tiny size of a niche fandom.

fan fiction is wholly and unapologetically amateur. it can be a great quality, but writers have the freedom to create imperfect things and learn as they go. there are no critics, book sales or best seller lists - you can just make shit and put it out there if you want.

idk if any of that made sense but yeah

it's funny you say that about adulthood because there are so many like. 13 year old rappers now who are solely in it for the money or dont understand why they are doing it and their parents are encouraging them to do it for the money so like. childhood for us was very different to what childhood currently is, right now this year.

but i personally cant remember a time when i wasn't desperate for validation like when i was playing guitar when i was 8 or 10 i still had that "i hope im good enough i want to be good enough without trying" feeling it's just the people i wanted to impress were like, authority figures. i wanted my guitar teacher to think i was cool. i wanted my moms friends to think i was funny. i'm still afraid of doing anything i haven't already learned how to do, writing is the first New thing i've attempted in maybe my entire adulthood.

it's kind of funny, when i was younger i didn't realize how bad i was at writing music and that's the only reason i stuck to it long enough to learn anything. i was like laughably bad at it in high school and no one really went out of there way to grab me by the shoulders and say "hey! you suck at this! stop!" though a bunch of people did tell me it kinda sucked. i mostly just thought they were wrong. they weren't. but now part of me doesn't believe i could ever be any good at something that isn't that. like when i write fiction i know on a cognitive level if it ends up being good it's not because i worked hard or earned it or anything it's just a complete fluke. and i don't even really believe people when they tell me it's good. even though obviously i'm only posting it so people will tell me it's good.

in a way i feel like i'm sort of shifting back to the way i was in high school... every piece of art i make im like "this is the best shit ever" and then i post it and if people tell me it sucks im like "lol. incorrect. your tastes are Unrefined" and then i keep making more whatever crap whatever. which honestly is the best way to live i think. i have some people in my life who really like, respect and admire that i make whatever the fuck i want without ever really considering whether or not i should. which is funny because i have a lot of people in my life who are like, Normal artists, who Think before they make something, and try to make Good Things and i envy them greatly because it really comes through in the work.

though obviously as an evil bastard communist i am a strong believer that "Bad" Art Is Radical and "Good" Art is Bourgeois Idealism and i find myself constantly torn between, the allure of timesinks and iteration and the mystique of hyperprolific stream of consciousness artists and i feel like i'm the worst of both worlds by not being fully one way or the other! but i guess not everyone can be Lil B and not everyone can be Frank Ocean and some of us need to sit in between those two extremes...

look at all this me talking about how i never stop and think about the art while i'm stopping and thinking about the art... i'm an Olympic level liar rn.

i've never read a fanfiction in my life (outside of like.. homestuck smut when i was fifteen. which i guess Technically Counts.) but as the form is widely derided i'm sure it has the most artistic merit of any thing. i think a lot about what a world would be like where money and art are completely unrelated. and all art exists completely separate from how much dollars it can make a corporation. would being popular even matter? would people still seek fame... complicated questions. Way if we pees form butts

[feministsouthpark]

My Top 10 favorite South Park characters

Also known as the top 10 best women, bc of course from a writing standpoint the boys are written with much better understanding, but these are my top 10 characters I'd like to see more of 😊 10. Maggie Yates Ok, so the reasoning is that she's an inspiration to her husband, but she also deserves much better than him. She's better than him even in his hobbies and his job, still her fate is to be the stay-at-home housewife which i find realistic, as a lot of talented women end up this way. I'd like to see her come into her own, but that's hardly Trey's intention with the character. She'll stay our relatable housewife.

9. Sheila Broflovski In the early days of the fandom, especially because of the movie, people see her as the villain. However she is one of the best mothers in the show, even if she's overprotective helicopter parent, her kids are some of the best, and we all know it's not her husband's doing. As you can tell, I especially enjoy her Jersey backstory and the ways she overcame her past and protects her friends now.

8. Sharon Marsh She is the main example of a wife trapped in an awful marriage, which is pretty common in real life. Honestly, when she made an OnlyFans, I was like, go girl! Still, she loves and protects her children even from their father, I'd say considering the circumstances she's doing a very good job at that.

7. Laura Tucker Remember The Magic Bush? She was so real for that. She deserves any recognition and appreciation she gets for being a wonderful wife, mother and woman while being true to herself.

6. Mrs. Helen Tweak TBH For recency bias I might put her in the number four spot, since I underestimated her pretty much all these years. A month before she would be in the place of Maggie as another housewife type, but her performance in The End of Obesity was incredible, her new hair and attitude was fresh and energetic, I'M happy for her finding her independence seemengly away from her restricting husband. Can't wait to see more of her in the future! And also planning to review her past episodes in a new light after the fact.

5. Principal Victoria I wish there were a few more episodes of her even after she is not a principal anymore. She is a strong woman in her own right, her speech in Breast Cancer Show Ever alone earns her a spot on this list.

4. Liane Cartman So the fact about Liane is... She isn't as horrible as a mother as the problems with her child. She can't deal with him that's for sure, but her son is bad on levels she couldn't even imagine. She knows he is uncontrollable and still tries her hardest as a single mother to help him. As a person she is kind and sweet who doesn't deserve this much struggle and her character development over the years has been outstanding.

3. Mayor McDaniels South Park has too few major female characters. Which Trey and Matt try to compensate sometimes, and one of their greatest decisions in the 90s was that the mayor of the titular town would be a woman. She is smart, hard-working and quite possibly living through a rich emotional journey as alluded to in Tweek x Craig, with her possible deceased lover. She also has enough flaws to be funny, like her being vain and dismissive of her town sometimes.

2. Strong Woman She is feminism personified, how could I not love her? And also... Her looks and personality remind me one of my real life heroes, a teacher (the best teacher I ever had -academically speaking as well, no less- ) who introduced me to everything I stand for. I wish I could tell her how much that meant to me, I usually get reminded her through this character. Also, just in-story she is still a great teacher and her dynamic with PC Principal is flawless.

1. Harriet Biggle Not only my favorite character of the whole show, but a severly underrated one as well. She’s like a Desperate Housewives character (specifically a lot like Martha Huber) and she steals every scene she’s in, when she invites Sharon to a “school shooting”, tries to bribe the boys with video games and tries to shoot Eric in the realtor episode all while speaking in a melodic voice never fails to make me laugh. She also has an adopted son who she cares for, so we know she has a lot of heart, still, she has blatant fatphobia which makes her even funnier, I always hope she gets more focus, and am sick of how underappreciated she is as a character.

[gillianthecat]

A sunny day finally! It made the first day of classes a lot more pleasant. (This is my attempt to get a photo of my campus while still keeping it somewhat anonymous/unidentifiable.)

First day of the semester was a success! I mean, the only actual "class" time I had was approximately half an hour of a lab where the prof was just going over things. But I got lots of other useful things done like exploring the campus and getting a parking permit, student ID and some of my textbooks. And a new mechanical pencil! (Since it was barely more expensive than just buying the case of lead on its own.) And then I went to the mall (an actual indoor mall! I can't even remember the last time I was in one of those. It was a surreal experience, I felt the urge to buy early aughts style clothes even though I didn't actually want any. The even scarier part is that it's been long enough that those trends are back in stores so I probably could have. 👵🏻💀) to get a new phone case and screen protector, so it was a very Productive Day.

But the exciting part is that it turns out that I will be able to fit some dance classes into my schedule after all! I had given up on the idea, but as I was exploring I found the dance studios and when I looked into one of the empty studios I started to cry. Studios have always felt like a... not sacred space exactly, but there is something hollowed about them, a world unto themselves. (This one was particularly new and gorgeous too, huge with both wood and marley flooring; they also use it as a black box theater type performance space.)

I have missed dancing, more than I'm even aware of most of the time. I feel so disconnected from my body, and so weak and stiff, I don't know what it will feel like to move again. So having a regular weekly, all level class, with new teachers, will be a good way to ease back in.

The reason I was so confused about the schedule is that the dance department has no overall schedule of their offerings, so I was having to look up each class individually and then go into section details, which made it hard for me to figure out what even the options were, but I finally just spent time copying them all into a calendar so I could see which ones didn't overlap with my other classes. And there are three options that look good, Dance Conditioning, Jazz, and Contemporary. I would love to do a nice calm beginning ballet class to ease back into things, but alas that one conflicts with my necessary classes. So I probably will do Dance Conditioning, and then either Jazz or Contemporary, since they're one after the other and I don't think I can handle four hours of dance at this point, since I'm so out of condition. Tomorrow (today, it's already today, I should go to sleep) I will go check them all out and talk with the teachers some more.

There is also a fitness center and a pool at the Wellness Center, which I'm going to try to use. They do it a weird way, where to be able to use the fitness center you need to sign up for a class, and then you can drop in anytime. Same for the pool, it's a separate class, but you can go to any of the open lap lane hours. Which is fine, I'm willing to pay, but the annoying part is you have to go a certain number of hours in order to pass the "class." Which for the fitness center averages out to four hours a week. And that is way more than I want to go, especially with three to four hours of dance and potentially swimming on top. And I'm only in the city four days a week. My plan was maybe an hour a week tops. But I really want to take advantage of these resources, especially because I'll have evenings to kill while I'm waiting for rush hour to die down. So I've decided to sign up for both and then plan on failing the classes. Or dropping them at the last minute. Unless there's a way to cheat and record more hours than I do 🤷🏻‍♀️

Even if I don't end up doing all (or any) of those, I will get a lot more movement in my days than I have been. The campus isn't big, but it is built on very hilly terrain and there are so. many. stairs. Inside and out. I got in 8,000 steps today without even trying.

I also got a pretty new notebook at Target so I can start irregularly journaling again. I'd been avoiding buying one because I'm pretty sure I have several empty or barely started ones somewhere in my apartment, but I have no idea where.

my exciting discretionary purchases of the day (not including yellow and orange pens - photos are from the internet.)

With all these new things added in to my schedule, I don't know how much BL I'll end up watching, or having the time to write about. Hopefully I can still do at least some of both, but I have to remember that school is my priority. And this time I WILL finish out the semester.

[quirkydog22]

Sending my verbally abusive English Professor to the Director’s office after he humiliated me in front of the entire class for not having a book in front of me

Well…time to tell what happened with this certain Professor. I’ve held back on telling this or even posting this for an entire year but I’m not at that school anymore and I honestly don’t care now. I’m posting this to spread awareness which I should’ve done once it happened but I was just too scared if anyone from that school found out but like I said, I don’t care and I’m spreading awareness. Someone asked me to delete it from Instagram and tried to upload it to Reddit but it wouldn’t let me so I’m posting it here instead.

(Side Note: I’m a student with a learning disability but it’s mostly my memory that’s affected and it causes me to be a bit slower in doing classwork but I can catch up just fine. I can be faster with doing physical tasks as long as you can show me how to do a task)

This happened last year in the fall and I want to talk about my experience with two different public colleges (not saying which ones for obvious reasons) because last year of October, November and December, this incident occurred and this wasn’t the only incident where a teacher was rude. I had a few teachers (and a few students in my elementary school years, a toxic friend and one obsessed classmate who came over almost everyday as it was annoying to not only me but also my sister; mainly one or two teachers and one where I went to summer school when I was younger) who didn’t really like me.

Except…none of the other bad teachers in my past acted like this and it baffled me (and the entire class mind you) to see a professor humiliate and embarrass a student which still shocks me to this day and wondering if he did this to other students in the past and if he had gotten away with it. Anyways I went into class like normal and the first time this happened, I didn’t really remember much with the first two occurrences (there were three incidents with this professor in the span of 3 months, shocking I know) but I walked into class like normal and mind you, I didn’t have any money for books or any Financial Aid for that matter so I couldn’t get the books either way.

My only option was to get those books online (laptop and phone) and the Professor said that we were going to read from the books but I didn’t have any money like I said before. Earlier, I was reading from my phone trying to find the pages because I couldn’t find the file on my laptop and then felt his presence behind me. I started getting Anxiety from him just standing there and he told me, that if I’m gonna be goofing off in his class then I should just leave and not come back for the day. Like I was trying to find the page on my phone to participate.

He then said that we would be reading from the book and this is where shit went down. Everyone from the class had already read and I couldn’t find the page number because he distracted me earlier and when it was my turn, I was still trying to find the page number on my phone. He then told the entire class that I had the book from my phone then proceeded to call me stupid and crazy in front of the entire class but that wasn’t all…oh no there’s more.

He went in front of my desk and then started talking down to me and that made my Anxiety even worse and I even shed a few tears. He then yelled at me to get out of his classroom right now and that’s when I just couldn’t stand or take his verbal abusive in this toxic environment anymore so I just left to the woman’s restroom having my third Anxiety attack for the third month.

The only guy friend that I made in this class didn’t want me to be alone so he stayed inside the building with me. At one point, the Professor left his classroom and walked towards our direction, he talked to my guy friend a bit but he was glaring at me as he walked passed. I didn’t look him in the eyes due to the fact that I was absolutely scared shitless of what he was going to do to me.

Eventually everything cooled down but I was still a bit shaken from the whole thing so, I went to the mall to grab something to eat but from the incident that happened earlier, I didn’t really want to eat. While I was in the bathroom of the school, I called my best friend after these three different incidents from the Professor and she told me to go to the dean and to report him and his behavior. I then hung up on her saying that I would.

This had not only affected my mental health but it also caused me to eat a lot less and to doubt myself completely. On top of that, I couldn’t focus on my other classes except for my English class; I stopped paying attention and even procrastinated on my assignments just to fail my other classes in the end. I finally decided to tell my older sister about what happened and she was listening and pretty calm about it.

But the next day, she arrived at the house and told my mom and even my mom was shocked to hear about this. My mom questioned me and asked me if this was true and I replied with yes as she went upstairs to change to go with us, probably ready to crack his skull open. We all went to the director, I told her what happened, said that my only friend in class was a witness as well as the rest of the students since it did happen in a classroom but no one except my friend stood up for me.

The director said told that’s not how we do things at this school and she’s so sorry that this happened to me and they will for sure be investigating. My sister tells her how I can’t defend myself verbally and my mom even started crying as she spoke to the director. The director told me, she doesn’t want to make me uncomfortable but… I did have to be in his class in order to keep participating and I was like that’s fine but in all honesty, I didn’t want to be in that class any longer or even go to that school anymore and had to be there for another week and I even told the director that I just wouldn’t go to this school anymore and go to the better college in my area and just transfer.

The director even tried giving me a speech about how I should stay at the school even after I told her that I wouldn’t be at this school next semester…let me tell you this; if a student (any student with or without a disability) says that the teacher yelled at them and embarrassed them in front of the class so harshly and doesn’t want to be in a classroom with someone who says that they are far less intelligent and won’t amount to anything in life…you honestly think that student wouldn’t want to stay in the same place as the professor, much less wanting to stay in the school where the professor works.

I went to class the following week and we had an essay due in one week and that week was finals. The essay was our final assignment of the semester and I just wanted it done and over with so that I can pay my classes, get my transcripts then leave the school and not go back anymore because of the incident with this certain professor.

I completed the essay in the span of two days, not even the entire week as it was supposed to be turned in the following Wednesday of the month. I went to school, printed it out before class and turned it in. I waited for about a day or two but I actually managed to pass my English class with a B and my Art classes…All F’s. My mental health was so drained that I couldn’t do my finals in my Art classes well enough and when the semester ended, not o it did I fail my Art classes, I also took a pointless coding class for three months from January until mid-March and somehow passed. Went to New Jersey with my Best friend and we had a blast but it was over and now it was time to go to the better college in my area to transfer and get out of that awful school with that terrible teacher.

In the following Fall semester, I went to the better college (as previously mentioned) in my state and let me tell you, it was one of the best decisions that I have ever made; my mental and emotional heath has never been better than before, my professors are nicer to me, the food is better than mall food and I’ve decided to go to the gym (to improve my mental and physical health) and at my school they allow a free subscription for the students to the gym and I now have a workout plan with my own personal trainer to workout with.

I even plan on selling my Art on a website either during or after college and that a friend of my sister’s said she would help set it up for me. I even plan on getting a new Art program to make a comic series and post it to Webtoon once my scripts are completely written out because the other Art program that I was using had a monthly subscription service but I already cancelled it in order to buy the newer one that I’m getting tomorrow during Black Friday.

I do have to go back to the specific school where I was humiliated and embarrassed by the professor but it’s to get my official Transcripts and I’ll ask the Director what happened with that professor so that I can update you all. If you guys want more stories about awful teachers and even awful classmates then I have plenty to share (more specifically about these 4 girls from different grades, one toxic friend and also one obsessed classmate who trapped me on her roof but these stories are for another time)

Another note: Before going to the better college in my area, I went to my old high school to visit some of my teachers and I told them the experience that I had with that professor and a few of them were either shocked and surprised or they felt sorry for me about that. My old History teacher pointed something out; that professor probably either has anger issues or bipolar disorder from the incident that I told him.

Anyways, if you guys want more stories about other terrible teachers or even some crazy classmate stories (including the one obsessed acquaintance who trapped me on her roof) then let me know in the comments down below and I’ll be happy to share more!

Thanks for coming to my TedTalk and Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

[tallochar]

Italian here.

American high school / middle school sitcoms did not feel relatable at all to me growing up.

No school I ever went to had lockers, unless it was for gym class but even then it was more likely to have some benches with hooks upon them at the top of the structure that you put your bag and clothes on.

We did not move from class to class, unless it was to go to either gym or art class (and in high school one of the pioneering computer classes where they taught us to blind type and to use stuff like word and excel) for equipment needs.

There was one classroom that was your class' for the whole year, you'd get the number on the first day and memorize it and always went there.

Your classmates where the same all year round and there would be 10 minutes intervals between lessons that the students spent in the class or going to the bathroom while waiting for the next teacher to show up. Usually, unless you transferred out or someone transferred in, those in your class would stay in your class every year, they just changed the number and letter of the class name (the number represented your year of schooling and the letter was for your assigned class group. They also reset from elementary to middle school and from middle to high school).

There was no mess hall (there was in elementary school as far as my memory goes but only in my first school because it was "full time" aka had afternoon lessons which made it special and not the norm, and then I got moved to another school and no more mess hall or school lunch), though my high school had a small bar where they sold some pre made paninis and stuff and would be under siege during the 30 minutes long break and then very quiet in-between.

We were considered "lucky" because most schools did not.

For that matter, there was no lunch at school because by 1pm we would all be going home, unless you were the real unlucky class who had gym from 13 to 14 and then you would finish "late".

There were little to no clubs, at least where I went in school, but I was in theatre club and we would come back after lunch for that.

Also high schools were divided by type of study (I went to the tourism address but my school was for tourism, economy and... something else I do not remember anymore) so there was a basic core of subjects everyone had but if you went to the Classic school you would also be learning like latin and greek and stuff, if you went to a trade school like me you'd learn trade related stuff, scientific schools were for specific scientific subjects, art school was... well, for art stuff. My hometown had a Nautical high school that sent the students out on boats in the later years and taught weather study among other things, but somewhere like, say, not a coast city probably would not have one. I distinctly remember one of the school I visited boasting about their orthodontist study department and how their students would learn how to mold teeth.

So at 15 either you'd go touring schools to see what appealed to you and your parents and then either they decided for you or they let you decide.

(My mother was sure I would have been happier in Classic school, and she was very probably right, but she did not tell me because she wanted me to be free to choose what appealed to me the most and I choose tourism becaise I wanted something That Would Give Me Work Opportunities Right After and while in theory that was sound reasoning, in practice the tourism market in my home town was over saturated and this did not work out for me)

(My mother did not know that, she would have pointed it out if she did, she was just trying her best to let me do what I wanted most).

I think, but am not 100% sure, that this was due to an evolution of the fact that in the first half of the century a lot of family could not pursue higher education for a long time so instead of sending a kid further in school after mandatory middle school was over but needed them either home working or in the fields working so trade schools were set up to give the kids both further schooling and a trade to fall back on.

(My younger brothers went one to art school and the other to culinary school, and then both to culinary school after the one who went to art school decided to drop out of that to go to culinary school too).

It did make american high school based shows incredibly irrealistic and urban fantasy to me.

i feel like high school/middle school sitcoms set the unrealistic expectation of being able to have lunch time outside

[yestolerancepro]

Just the Job revisiting the Employment Game A Tolerance project extra blog

Introduction

Hello this month of August marks 25 years since me and a group of friends worked on a disability awareness film simply called Tolerance. This article is the first in a special series of blogs to celebrate that milestone.

As part of the 25 birthday celebrations I think its only fair that we revisit The Employment game

So why have I included The Employment game in Tolerance Project history ? Well firstly it shares a number of ideas and themes with the former (1) It treats a serious subject with a degree a humour which should make you smile and think at the same time. (2) it uses TV and film themes as part of its soundtrack.

The Employment Game uses the now classic theme from the Rhubarb and Custard cartoon series, The Tolerance Film took this idea further and in the course of its short 25min run time you can hear  themes from Star Wars, the Good the Bad the Ugly, Officer and a Gentlemen and a few others.

Lastly they both feature a person trying their hardest to get there dream job and succeeding in the end.

It is also part of the Tolerance film history that when the idea of the Tolerance film was first talked about, as co-ordinator of the group, I felt it was important to have some idea about what goes into film making, in order that when we did the real thing some months later, So I wouldn’t be completely lost on location or in a studio set. So I enrolled myself on a Film and TV-making course at Beaumont Street studios and as part of the course, we had to produce a short film – the Employment Game was born. 

The Employment Game was made in about in about 1998 The film runs for just under 10 mins and was directed by me with a script written by myself Rob Martin and Steve Walker it was shot inside Beaumont Street studios with very little set no budget and was shot and completed in just 2 days.

Why was The Employment Game created ?

The Employment Game was created as a result of my frustration at struggling to find a permanent job something which still annoys me to this day, especially as not much has changed sadly. Because people see my wheelchair first and me second, I kept being offered training courses, instead of chances of work, and consequently, I have a CV as long as long as your arm.

This is something which Robert himself complains about bitterly in the finished Tolerance film. Like Robert in the Tolerance film the character in the Employment Game has to deal with a man who is not very sympathetic to his wanting paid employment, and will give him every excuse why he will not employ him in his firm.

The man in question in the Employment Game is played by Rob Martin who plays a Mr Grosenberg like character, who in the Employment Game is minus the squeaky voice. I would bump into Rob again when making the Tolerance film when he was hired to provide the Behind The Scenes photographs  for the production

So What are my memories of The Employment Game?

For the most part they are good and happy ones I am glad it turned it so well it was certainly a good training exercise for when I made the Tolerance film some time later. It was a lot of fun to make watching it again recently you can see that that Myself and Rob Martin are having a laugh doing it . It was very hard keeping a straight face at times I can see myself cracking up.

One of the things I remember about the Employment game is that I was planning to do something else With a Scifi theme Quite rightly the teacher of my class steered me towards doing something easier So I came up with the Employment Game idea instead.

Before filming even got started myself and Rob with the other members of the class nicked a camera and did a short pilot of of my ideas.

Watching the film again I note there are 3 script writers myself Rob Martin and Steve Walker. The reason for this was simple, I originally wrote the script myself but about 2 days before filming the script that I worked hard on went walkies So the three of us had to sit down and do an emergency rewrite.

 I don’t think there was much of a script to speak of in fact I think most of it is ad libbed a lot of Rob Martins lines certainly are his comments about the Spice girls and you wouldn’t get the jobs anyway sound is if they come off the top of his head there was also a nice out take from me about the Spice girls that hit the cutting room floor I won’t go into details but The Employment Game was certainly the happier of my 2 filming experiences.

The Themes of The Employment Game/ Borrowing a theme from a Children’s classic

After 2 days of filming the Employment Game was then edited by me at Beaumont street studios the only hitch we had was deciding what music to use for the opening and closing titles as with the Tolerance film my CD collection came to the rescue.

After a short search I decided it was down to 2 pieces of music the Gallery theme used on the programme Vision On, a show aimed at the deaf community that was presented by Pat Keysell and Tony Hart which ran on the BBC for 12 series between 6th March 1964 to 11 May 1976.

To learn more about Vision On which just so happens to be celebrating its 60th birthday this year click here Vision On at 60 – celebrating a creative powerhouse that inspired a generation | Radio Times

The music was part of my Childhood as it was also used on the Tony Hart series Take Hart 1977-1983 if you don’t know what I am talking about. You can find the music on You Tube by looking for it under its proper title called Left Bank two written by Wayne Hill and recorded by the Noveltones for De Wolfe music or click here.The Noveltones - Left Bank Two - Vision On Gallery Theme (youtube.com)

After listening to it featured on rough mix of the film I decided it didn’t work. because it was too long and it didn’t suit the comedic tone of the film. so I decided to go with my second choice the theme from Roobarb and Custard.

You can watch the opening titles by clicking here (4) Roobarb - Intro Theme Tune Animated Titles - YouTube

For those who have not seen the show it was an animated series created by Grange Calveley and originally shown on BBC1 just before the evening news. Each cartoon, written by Calveley and directed by Bob Godfrey, was about five minutes long. Thirty episodes were made, and the show was first shown on 21 October 1974. The theme is that of the friendly rivalry between Roobarb, a green dog with an overactive imagination, and Custard, the mischievous laconic pink cat from next door.

The narration of the series was provided by the actor Richard Briers

Photo Captions

Beaumont street studios where the Employment game was shot it closed its doors for the last time  2010

 Me in the job Centre set one of the writers Steve walker is sat next to me in the blue shirt

Rob Martin as the not very helpful Job centre employee

A 20 year old me I play a version of myself in the film not much of a stretch really

Me and my Electric Chair providing the title sequence

Vision on with Pat Keysell and Tony Hart

Roobarb and Custard

 Richard Briers.

Special Thanks to Ian Medley for rescuing the film from VHS

To help the Tolerance Project you can read about us or give us a small donation by clicking on the following link

 or follow us on Twitter @tolerancepro

[nookishposts]

Hit Pause

I haven't been able to really write in some time and there are reasons. My life is on a pause for the next while, because my brain and body made me do it; I was not listening so they ganged up to make their point.

I was sitting at work one day, after a series of back-to-back respiratory viruses had left me physically depleted, and suddenly I didn't know what I was supposed to be doing. My mind went blank and the simplest tasks slipped away into a maze of confusion. It was scary. I went to see my primary care provider and together we began to untangle the knots that had choked me into a complete stop. She is a smart cookie and knew the right questions to ask. She also had had an eerily similar experience herself, for which I remain very grateful as it means she "gets" what I have a hard time explaining. Including the brutal self-recrimination part.

(I was raised in the era of the Protestant work ethic motto of "Suck it up Buttercup" meaning I went to work no matter what, without complaint because that's what was expected. Taking time off was akin to weakness, in mind and body and that was shameful. We didn't want to let our co-workers down, or miss a paycheck. In those days, employers had the same expectation and could find ways to fire a person they saw as "slacking" if it interfered with production. Thankfully, workplace laws are different now and workers are a bit more protected.)

There were a number of contributing factors. I'd said goodbye to the massage and reflexology practice that had sustained me for 27 years, and with which I had defined myself more than I realised. I/we had experienced a huge number of significant deaths over a period of 10 months, people who had been key figures in my life; family members, mentors, teachers, and contemporaries: I stopped counting after we hit 20. I had taken on a full time job with a health centre I believed in and had worked for previously in a part time capacity, a job that I was very pleased to get, but one that shifted constantly.

Repeated viruses tanked my immune system. I stopped sleeping more than a couple of hours a night and awakened choking on mucus and flailing from nightmares. My muscles and joints hurt and I didn't digest food properly, leaving me with constant nausea and poor nutritional uptake. I fought to get up and just kept trying to push through each dizzying day, but ended up calling in sick more and more often. I became anxious and angry at myself for feeling so vulnerable: because anger is easier than admitting fear. It bothered me deeply that my wonderful office mate and our exceptional manager kept having to cover my ass and that clients, volunteers, and programs were left waiting. Even my teeth were crumbling. From clenching everything back into my throat and lungs. And my soul.

And then I stopped being able to think at all, or remember the simplest things.

I went numb in order to cope.

Blood work revealed that my vitamin D stores were 20% of what they needed to be. I tan easily and figured I was getting enough D from being outside a lot on our micro-farm. Nope. Symptoms of D deficiency include: joint pain and swelling, muscle weakness, tingling and numbing of hands and feet, cognitive issues, disturbed sleep architecture, extreme fatigue and cramping muscle spasms. My practitioner was smart enough to order the test based on a hunch, and she was bang-on. Suddenly a whole lot of seeming unconnected symptoms made perfect sense. Its a slow cumulative deficiency. I am now taking 5 times the daily recommended dose of D and it's starting to make a difference after only a couple of weeks. It's going to take time to get me where I need to go. I am still not sleeping and hence undergoing Cognitive Behaviour Therapy for chronic insomnia. Medications don't work for this, it's a matter of re-setting the sleep drive with careful steps over time, and knowing that it gets worse before it gets better.

But my brain remained in overwhelm drive.

In a flash of inspiration I called my therapist from decades ago, to see if by some chance she was still practising and would agree to see me on zoom, to teach me some better coping strategies. She is, and she does, thank heavens! She knows me and we can skip the preliminaries and get right into things. She also dovetails really well with my primary care practitioner and they tag team me. Together they added to the list of official diagnoses, Compassion Fatigue, which I'd only dimly heard of. I had not had time to grieve and process between the deaths of loved ones, so a cumulative effect swamped me into feeling nothing at all. I was offered the analogy of hitting my thumb with a hammer...the pain is so extreme that you don't even feel it at first because your body goes into protective mode until you can catch up. It was also pointed out to me that I'd put a great deal of my creative and caring energies into a successful practice over 27 years and having to let it go had taken a significant piece of my identity with it. I'd specialised in working with people for whom massage had been challenging: people with body dysmorphia due to illness, trauma, size, scars, age, etc. I missed them. I missed listening, easing seized and painful muscles, and supporting others as they became more comfortable with themselves through patience and practice, one gentle , non-judgemental step at a time.

Which I now need to do for myself. Irony of ironies.

I am at that age where elders and contemporaries are getting sick and dying, it's a statistical inevitability. But these rapidly disappearing loved ones were not acquaintances, they were all people who had impacted my life significantly and helped form the person I am still becoming. They represent to some degree my history and my story. Even now, I find myself picking up the phone to call or text, or composing an email, forwarding a joke, needing to ask a question or seek advice from someone who has moved on to whatever comes after the death of the body. I can put the phone down, but I can't remove their names from my contact lists. Reminders and triggers are everywhere. Rather than fight or deny them, I try to allow them to be part of the shifting kaleidoscope that contributes to my new normal. Growth means change, and some of that means loss. I grieve not just for myself but for the families and friends of those key people. Too many, too quickly.

I have the luxury of medically-endorsed time off. EI sick benefits are coming soon. I have been instructed to rest, eat simply, not think too hard, just allow thoughts and feelings to surface without judgement or analysis. To doodle freely and bypass expectations. That's not easy for a usually over-busy brain like mine. I have to take my vitamins, not push myself, not make any big decisions for a while. Thankfully, my Beloved also gets it, and is gently supportive, watching me slowly return to the person she has lovingly invested so much in. The stony, stoic flatness I experienced was unnerving for her too. My body remains exhausted and unpredictable, my short term memory and word-finding skills still suck and I have to remind myself that it's okay to not be okay. Having met a couple of people who have been through something like this, really helps me feel validated in the amount time it will take to become well again. Regarding my employment work situation, I have been reminded : "Its not your job to take care of them. It's theirs." Okay.

If I am fortunate, I will get another 25-30 years on the planet and I want to spend them well, especially since they seem to go so fast. The last thing I want to be fighting is myself. Managing perceived expectations versus the glorious sticky mess of human reality is a fool's game and can make a person sick. And it can all be gone in a heartbeat anyway, in spite of our best intentions. Savour it all.

Pay attention when your body speaks. Give your brain a break. Love yourself enough to be appreciative of all that you are, and forgive what you aren't. We are so much better at offering these axioms than living them. Learning the hard way is still learning.

[disease-danger-darkness-silence]

I was a gifted kid who now has burnout and it was legitimately a 50-50 shot between whether my parents would get "pleasure to have in class" or "has an attitude."

Knowing I'm AuADHD (with PDA) now, it makes sense. I don't like being told what to do and I love challenging the status quo. I am, as many people called me and my dad, a "shit-stirrir".

The nicest comment I ever got from a teacher was actually a compliment to my parents. I think I still have the letter somewhere! She said, approximately, "Thank you for raising someone who doesn't have a herd mentality and isn't afraid of nonconformity. It's a breath of fresh air - she and I may not always agree on things, but I'm always going to learn something new, even if it's just a new way of attacking a problem."

I loved her. I miss her. She's still alive but she didn't tolerate bullshit - in any capacity.

Below is an EXTREMELY autistic, long story about how hyperfixation and overachieving and an extremely neat class project led to me realizing that I'm a phenomenal PR agent. I hate doing it these days, but I did go into press and PR for a while, because of this teacher.

She was my teacher for US Constitution my senior year of high school. I loved her. She had us do a group project (I did it with my friends) that was us all doing political campaigns. There was an odd number of students in the class, so my loner friends and I formed a three-person team.

The class valedictorian, who was angry because I'd pulled a cumulative 3.0 WITHOUT TRYING (and this was back when a cumulative 3.0 was... Actually kinda a big deal. Like, I got offered a full ride to MIT. I didn't take it, mostly because I didn't want to move to Mass) was in this class. Junior year, in US history, he'd made my life a living hell because he felt threatened by me. If I'd been offered valedictorian or salutatorian, I would have declined, because I don't like giving speeches and I didn't care about high school.

He'd contradict everything I said, even if I was objectively right. He'd mock me when I answered questions.

I've been sewing since I was 7 or 8 years old, and I've been making clothing since I was 10. I got my first sewing machine secondhand from my dad when I was 14. When my teacher - also awesome - asked if anyone there knew how to make clothes, I raised my hand and valedictorian dude said, "Fuck off, no you don't," and got almost the entire class to mock me. I brought in my sewing kit the next class and - to the great amusement of my teacher then, who hated him - I proceded to eyeball Valedictorian's size. I spent the period as I usually did, only I was also expertly sewing a simple but matching blouse and skirt in his size. Thank God my sewing machine was quiet, bc I was also in front of the entire class. I presented him with the clothing and he looked like he wanted to punch me.

That's the biggest thing I remember about him, but he absolutely hated me for no reason I could descern prior to that, other than being threatened. After that, I think he had like, an okay reason, because I humiliated him in front of like thirty 17-year-olds.

Anyway, that dickbag was there. I hated him, and while I'm not generally a competitive person, I knew he was. The goal wasn't to win the election, it was to do well and show a fundamental understanding of how fucked up politics is in this country.

But I had to win, because he'd want to.

I told my friends that I WANTED to be the backbone of the project, and they were thrilled.

This was 2002. Video editing was borderline unheard of at a hobbyist level. AMVs were a new phenomenon. Online tutorials barely existed, and YouTube flat-out didn't exist. Amazon was a thing but it was mostly still a bookstore. Smartphones didn't exist either. The internet was in its infancy - you couldn't just reach out and find whatever you wanted with a few touches to some glass. If you wanted to learn a skill, you had to be smart about it - take a class, find someone else to teach you, read a fuckton of books. We barely had digital cameras, FFS.

The year I started high school was the year the AMA developed its first format for citing websites, okay?

I need you to know all of this, because it makes some of this all seem very surreal in retrospect.

Our political campaign was based on the separation of church and state - shit-stirrers, the lot of us. We developed a rough idea of a logo and a platform and like, a color scheme and name that first class, but I mostly did everything. I was fixated on it.

Spite is a helluva motivator.

I made swag (I have always been heavy into fabrication and crafting and graphic design, and I had Photoshop 6, a color printer, label paper of various sizes, a sewing machine, a fuckton of unused chapstick, jewelry assortments, and keychains). Like, good swag. I even used t-shirt paint to screen-print like, can coozies. It took me FOREVER to make the screen - it was basically an embroidery hoop with muslin fabric on it, and I used Elmer's glue to block out the negative spaces.

I made copies of everything to give to the teacher, but I handed swag out to the other students, too.

We had one person pretend to be the presidential candidate - he was the least neurodivergent, most charismatic, and funniest. I was basically the campaign organizer. I gave my other friend the speech writer job on paper, but I wrote the speeches. He had a lot of shit going on at home. I think teach knew, but she didn't call us out on it because I gave him the speeches ahead of time and he familiarized himself with the talking points.

Valedictorian was in speech and debate and was fairly well-liked, so he was his group's candidate. He did really well at his speech, but so did our guy. Why?

Because I am autistic, and I spent my entire 18 years of life up to that point learning how to manipulate and mimic people, because I had no other way to interact with them.

We also had to do one multimedia project. Everyone did like, radio scare ads, or PowerPoint slides like they were doing a TED talk (TED talks existed but you had to physically go to them. Basically no one knew what a TED talk was).

I? I did a campaign video.

It was very bare-bones, but it led with, "Faith is fine, but organized religion causes conflict."

And then it faded in between the Spanish Inquisition, Kosovo, September 11th (fresh on everyone's minds as it was 2002), the Armenian genocide, and a bunch of other stuff that even remotely had ties to religion, all set to Plowed by Sponge.

It ended on a black screen and the words, "Religion and policy don't mix. Vote (I can't remember what our fake party name was) 2002" as Sponge sang, "Say a prayer for me! (Say a prayer for me...)"

It was 5 seconds short of the requirement, but because it was a video we got extra marks. There was like. Stunned applause. Very few people at the school had a computer at home at the time, let alone the ability to do video editing at home. If they wanted to do a video, they had to book time in the newly-built technology center. And the school didn't have video software, and they had Centurion Guard locks on every public computer on the network. When the computer shut off (which they all did automatically at 6 pm and midnight every day), everything reset to base state. So even if you took the time to install video software, it'd be gone next time you got to the computer.

So it was.... Unusual for someone to be able to do this. Hell, just getting the video to the classroom had been hard. I'd burned it onto a CD and brought like 5 different types of A/V cable to connect get computer to the TV. DVD burners barely existed at that point.

The class voted on winners for each category. There were like... Six? Seven categories. You couldn't vote for your own party.

The last category was a debate between the two finalists. I worked HARD on that. I coached the Presidential Candidate on likely talking points based on other speeches the other candidate had made. I brought up talking points we favored. I brought up current policy in the country that was headline news, because the moderator (teach) would bring it up. I made notecards.

I used my dad's router and a tiny bit to make a little oak stencil of our logo that I'd designed and the short catchphrase we'd all come up with, and then I used a dremel to quickly engrave it on a box of pencils. I got blank erasers and used india ink and the stencil to do the same thing, essentially, to those. I got candy. I made stickers. I made little pins of cardstock on little adhesive swing pins. And I got little dog-shit baggies from the dollar store in our party colors. I got cardstock and printed signs.

I put one of each of the small things into the bag and tied it with ribbons in our chosen party colors.

I full-on Hermione Granger'd this shit.

The teacher told us that we were to run our campaigns like actual campaigns we'd witnessed in our lifetimes. I knew PR.

So the day of the debate, I had a bunch of shit in my car. We had alternating days, so we had three classes per day but they were double the length of a regular class. 1st period was 2 class periods long, and then we had a 15 minute "nutrition break" and 5 minutes for travel between class. Then, after 2nd period (also 2 classes long), we had a 35 minute lunch break and another 5 minutes for travel.

The campus is kinda big.

Anyway, after lunch we had 3rd period. Also 2 classes long.

So at nutrition break the day of, I found my teacher and asked her if anything goes as far as political debate stuff. Anything I may have seen happen at a debate or rally. She said yes. I asked if I could set up a table outside the class just before lunch. She was confused, but OKd it.

I set up two TV trays and two boxes of swag. As every person came into the classroom, I offered them a doggie bag of swag and a sign. Pretty much everyone took the swag bag. A bunch of people took signs, too.

When the bell rang, I packed up, moved everything into the classroom, and gave the teacher a bag and a sign to show her what I'd made.

The debate didn't matter. I gave people free shit. I know how this works. A free piece of candy and a pencil you use most days will sway people.

The debate was really good though. My friend nailed it. We won the debate. Valedictorian was fucking ANGRY, but he figured, he was popular. He had time to win people over to his side.

It was a Thursday and a 3-day weekend, so we weren't back until Tuesday.

We won by a fucking landslide. He got like 3 votes, including himself.

Turns out that if you spend an entire semester learning about the importance of policy and PR, it behooves you to remember that - even if you're talking to your friends.

Anyway, that's the story of how one of the best teachers I've ever had helped me piss off the valedictorian out of pure spite, and inspired me to become active in politics, instead of just interested.

Assumption: You were considered "a pleasure to have in class."

Incorrect! I was a pain in the goddamn ass, and frequently got told to stop asking so many questions.

Like literally I had a teacher tell me other people in the class were uncomfortable speaking up because I made them feel insecure by always raising my hand and asking follow up questions and debating subjects.

Apparently people felt like I was showing off, flaunting my intellect, trying to dominate the class socially, being pretentious. Apparently people felt like I was arrogant and only speaking up to make them feel bad.

And like, I'm not gonna say there wasn't ego involved with it, and I'm not gonna say I wasn't way too much to deal with at times - undiagnosed ADHD and all that. I'm also not going to pretend like men aren't raised to believe that we have the right to speak over other people and get attention for our every idle thought. I can completely understand how I could be a fucking misery to deal with in a classroom.

Also, in addition to that, hahaha oops now I have rejection sensitivity dysphoria and lifelong difficulty being myself in social situations. Gee golly willikers, I wonder how that happened!

I literally just wanted to learn things. I was literally just doing exactly what I'd always been told you're supposed to do at school. Everyone else seemed to just want to look into their books and stay silent every time a teacher encouraged us to ask questions, nobody else ever asked questions, and I thought I was supposed to be curious and engaged.

Eventually settled for just reading the encyclopaedias in the school library during recess. The day I discovered Wikipedia was a day of joy and relief, let me tell you.

But yeah, no, outside of maybe one or two teachers who seemed to like my engagement, I was considered disruptive and inconsiderate and got a lot of "he would be a great student if he just applied himself more," by which they seemed to mean "shut up and hand in homework."