#also one of these days i think ill have to change the way i make them bec both purpose and source of creativity have changed. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ms-demeanor · 1 day ago

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Hi, this is maybe a pointless question where the answer is just "that's how life works," but how do you have energy for all the things you do? You seem to be constantly juggling 50 different projects and juggling them well. You create so many community resources, do deep scientific dives on your own time, excel at work, plus maintain social and familial relationships. I was able to maintain good work performance, a hobby, and social life for maybe six months last year before I burned out

The thing is I'm juggling it badly, it's just that you see the curated version here on tumblr! I've got probably five times as many stalled and unfinished resources/projects as I have completed ones, I am in a constant state of numbness/anxiety at work (since the new company bought us I'm really, really overworked and have been putting in 10-12 hour days pretty regularly - it's why my posting and writing here has dropped off and my fiction writing is basically not happening), and I'm actually a pretty shit friend because it's difficult for me to make time to communicate with people and leave the house.

My two tricks to make it seem like I've got it together are:

Just do a lot of shit. Some of it will get finished even if you end up with a ton of abandoned projects and if you do this at a high enough volume you can still get a lot done

Join some kind of club or regular hangout event; once a month I go hang out with the same group of people i've been hanging out with for twenty years and sometimes we'll plan things outside of that group and that's most of my social life.

I am also exhausted at all times but I've got the shark version of ADHD where I feel like if I'm not doing something I'll die.

I am probably deeply in danger of burning out but I've had the same "maybe if I get hit by a car I could take a couple weeks off of school without it destroying my life" feeling since i was 10 so it's hard for me to gauge if there's a collapse of any kind coming.

Have you ever tried to get yourself to sprint by falling forward and just putting your feet in front of yourself? It's like that, but I've managed to keep my feet under me so far. I'd say "if I had to deal with any obstacles it would make me fall flat on my face" but I'm actually more productive in catastrophes so. Who knows!

Mental illness. I think the answer is mental illness. I am not a healthy example to follow and I don't want people to think that the way that I act is A) Normal B) Healthy C) Effortless D) Sustainable.

I am just obsessive and weird and I don't sleep very much and I don't leave the house very frequently. I think things were better before the pandemic, when I was doing things with the band and could go to shows because Large Bastard wasn't immune compromised, but a lot has changed in the last five years.

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cconfusedkat · 2 days ago

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I think the reason why I have a tendency to draw new things every few months is bc im Still relatively new to digital art and always wonder how much i improve in months

So mainly it's for my sake because im like Oh wait ive been drawing this character differently recently ?? And then Boom i take my eyes away for one second and theres redesigns

Plus instead of making clothing so complex i decided to go w my heart and base their clothes off of how id characterize them If That Makes Sense ,, i figure kallamars is the most obvious one for him being a tailor for example

Whereas shamura is the (main) undertaker , Leshy and Heket are the two missionary party leaders , and Narinders isnt very obvious but hes considered the gladiator :-3c

Lamb and Goat (Allure & Giuseppe) are the two leaders of the cult!! (Allure main leader, giuseppe co leader) As time went on and giuseppe settled in allure's cult , the name changed from just alluring lamb to the cult of death and wisdom ,,, Ram (aaliyah) isnt a very repetitive person that shows up at the cult since she has her own cult to run (within another universe , a war cult specifically) but she likes to show up every so often just to check in with her brother [giuseppe] :>c

And ofc how could i forget wilt lol- i forgot to add giuseppes cape here Woops ,, But its what giuseppes main clothes r in the other cult

And well i kinda wanted to incorporate the healed designs ,, another thing i wanted to add is that i constantly yap about them all being rlly strong (minus Narinder however- i believe he wouldn't be able to go on crusades or missionaries due to fibromyalgia) but its not too obvious either ,, id def say that leshy and allure are probably the strongest out of everyone else (leshy can summon roots from the ground and uses his body as an advantage, where as to allure their main weapon is withholding a heavy axe ,, but that shit is Not Easy so both leshy and allure are bottom heavy cuz of that- their back muscles and legs carry shit for the both of them HELPP)

Shamura isnt exactly a battlefield person though, they're probably the only bishop to not wanting to fight ?? Those days r Way behind them ,, Kallamar can make himself taller due to Allure reserving some strength left of the blue crown as apart of a compromise they were forced to make with kallamar to stay within the cult-

One thing in common Giuseppe and Narinder have is pacifism ,, narinder is a pacifist because of seeing allure so ill and he didnt actually like seeing people in pain- whereas Giuseppe is pacifist because hes a god of wisdom nd prefers to take things with a lighter approach. The complete opposites of those two are Allure and Aaliyah, theyre both aiming for any type of genocidal route because of what they went through for both the lamb and goat genocides occuring in different worlds of theirs ,, giuseppe doesnt rlly like crusading with allure for that reason 😭 even though aaliyah is Much worse since shes a god of war- its just the way that bloodthirst makes giuseppe incredibly uncomfortable,, to see such a shy lamb act the opposite on their crusades is Lowkey what terrifies him lmao-

Herrmm ,, heket and kallamar are pretty similiar in the stances of not rlly gaf-ing about fighting and crusades ,, heket is good at stealth and kallamar just aims right for the target because shi's just Impatient-

Okay thats all the yapping i have left in me fur now i also have these to share

The only decency here is giuseppe lmaooo 😭🙏

Oh one last thing is heights :-3

(Shamura is 4'7, Ram is 5'1, Lamb is 5'5, Narinder is 6'0, Goat is 6'1, Kallamar is 6'3, Heket is 6'6, and Leshy is 7'2 ,, Idk why i put sozo there but maybe bc its fur my own reference)

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lemongogo · 3 months ago

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they should get to kill each other at least twice .i think

#gravity falls #stanford pines #stanley pines #lg doodles #i drew this a few days ago but im so tired after work ngl . sittingnin bed like =__= ..#and im visiting family this weekend so idek if ill get to it until next weekend #but ya i love them i loge them so much #i love the tension in atots right after stanford comes back #and hes like writing sll this shit ab stan in the journal #while learning that he stole his identity and so on and stans like hey so i did this rly selfless thing for u can you at least #acknowledge it and they r just stewing in their own anger 😭#actually i love their dynamic so much . the arguing as they mimic each other 1:1 and rhe animosity and #ykw im gna make another post but the grammar stanley scene is my favorite #magbe its not post worthy nvm idc but thats probably one of my fav interactions in the whole series #its so stupid that u know its real HELPPlike yeah that rly isnjust how it is . in fact ive done more over less 🫶#HAHAHAHAH #ugh.love . lovee i wish #i dont think gf needs a continuation im totally in the 2 season boat here #but if they ever did a post series stan and ford exploration ohhh believe . trust tht i would not shut up ab it ever #i want to see them talk so bad . im so greedy bc i feel like they didnt talk enough in the series bc im partial 2 them i just want them in #everything .#i think their personalities are so fun esp bc ford isnt the annoying nerd archetype i like that hes a cocky bitch #and i like that stan is an equally cocky bitch and they both have too much pride that they butt heads over literally everythjng #but they also recognize how ridiculous it all is like 😭. even when theyre fighting over the journal they both r like ok pause r u ok #hmm.. so many ppl here capture their dynamic well too.😭at least the people who dont generalize either into a single personality trait yk #imso tired im tired #but guys i love talking ab ford and stan theybr so everything to me in ways i dnt think incould ever articulate like u see them and u just g #get it . ugh. turning my head and passing out . ford is so funny hes so stupid i love him i cant bekieve i was a ford hater im sorry ive #atoned im changed im a changed oerson i didnt realize the magnitude of his serve .but stanley as my day 1 will never change . just know .(k #idk if anyonf ever reads this fsr down but if u r here say cheesee📸📸

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luck-of-the-drawings · 10 months ago

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OH ARTHUR BENNETT.. such a gorgeous and intriguing character. terribly burdened by a GRUESOME set of crimes, his light suffocated by a HEAVY century of GUILT. so tragic, so dark and broody, and yet PAINFULLY awkward in any social setting ever

#jrwi fanart #cw blood #jrwi show #jrwi suckening #arthur bennett #OUHH THIS ONE WAS SITTING IN MY WIPS FOR SO LOOOONGwhen i took it out there was mould on it :sob:#BUT i think i was able to fix it up okay #i keep seeing SO MANY MISTAKES RRAAAHHH BUT YOU DONT SEE THEM RIGHT?? THATS ONLY ME. RIGHT?? EXACTLY.#THE KEY IS TO SAY. AND REPEAT AFTER ME. 'FUUUCK IT WE BALL #so anyway. arthur bennett huh? grizzly says that arthur is reaal fuckin difficult to play. and i SUPER get that. i mean LOOK AT HIM..#grizz often needs a minute to think abt what hes gonna say in a way that matches w that Stoic Personality. which is FAIR but also that #ends up making way for awkward confrontations like: the lady in the parky lot. he took too long to answer and scared her away.& I LOVE THAT #arthur is tragic and sad and cool and stoic but hes ALSO awkward and silly and kinda dumb and short sighted. HE HAS COMPLEXITIES #I LOVE WHEN TTRPG CHARACTERS HAVE A GOOD SET OF SHORTCOMINGS. ESPECIALLY WHEN U FIND THEM ONLY AS U PLAY THEM.#I COULd go on and on saying the same things w different words abt arthurs intriguing and entertaining character but i shall spare u. for no #ILL ALSO MENTION HOW MUCH I LOVE HIS FLAVOR THO.. I LOVE TALL HOT BOY WHOS ONE W THE DARKNESS.. I REMEMBER WHEN HE FIRST MENTIONED THE #BADLUCK. N I WAS LIKE OOOHH THATS WHY HIS DESIGN IS SO COOL N CHAOTIC N ASYMMETRICAL. HES UNLUCKY!!! i love love love his design so much...#GRaaauruguguraguhhghghgh what else what else is there for me to spew on abt...i think im reachin a limit here..OH MAGNUS. i hope that #we get to know more abt how magnus and arthur met.. like How they became besties... ouuhh... I ALSO WANNA KNOW MORE ABT MARY DAVIS. LIKEHOW #he also apparently spent alotta time in a zone dominated by edward twilight? all he remembers is constant partying? I WANNA KNOW MORE..#i think i got room 4 one more ramble SO. THE ART PIECE.as i said its gone a lil stale BUT. im still very proud o the bits where hes allScar #I WANNA SEE HIM GET SCARYMORE. I like the idea of shadows solidifying to make him strange and eerie.like TEETH n CLAWS n SPINES n YESS #also the SILVER EYES.no1 does silver eyes like the show Claymore. they make em look so striking and eerie...i also like to think that #human arthur had deep beautiful brown eyes.just in my beaitufl heart.i mean look at him..i wanna cook him n eat him.ANYWAY #i think thats all my ramblin for this piece. now i gotta go cancel a single day i had ata hotel bc my work schedule change last minute FUCK #feel free to ramble in my tags aswell tho i read all of them and i chew on thenm and i love them so sos os mcuh

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faaun · 8 months ago

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procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally

#on my friends living room floor they love together but one of them has been london for weeks or maybe months #to be with her love. im on a foam mattress from one of their beds next to a glass bottle of water opened by one of them #in a mug given to me by another. the weather felt like my childhood today and it also felt like 2 years ago.#(put space in the heavens Einstein's idea and hes your friend too so nothing to fear) around the table they drank and laughed and i thought #i hope you keep growing so full with the love you receive . i hope your appetite becomes insatiable from how used to it you are #and i know youre all leaving soon but i hope one day you miss this and that youll be happy you miss it #its worth missing i think #i thought he didnt care but he said after exams hes going walk around this area over and over #(this is near where he lived and where we visited almost daily for a year)#(hed come across the bridge on a lake)#we went where she used to live and at the entrance a fox sat calmly. it just yawned and stared.#it felt important somehow. i think maybe their impressions of me will never be close to how i feel inside but i think #i love them enough for that not to matter. i dont think theyll ever know this. i dont think if they did it would change much.#and seeing them smile makes my heart glow anyway. today i tried their malaysian tea the ginger burned my throat #they warmed my heart. hes going to canada soon and hes going to the US soon and shes going everywhere soon ill never understand #how were supposed to live with memories and with seperation and with the past but we do it anyway so i think it doesnt matter much #i wanted to write a poem for the lab rats with the fibre optic wires lit with blue forcing them to turn around and around #something about how im sorry that the two photon arrays burned the inside of your brain. im sorry about the sharp points of multielectrode #arrayes. im sorry about everything we do to you. she asked to see me tomorrow. im trying to have self control but i miss her so awfully #last night my friend talked to me and i updated on everything that happened with love and the lack of it and she just started laughing #and she told me about the same thing from her side. and she told me about how she loved london because she would walk the streets #and she felt like the people were her. and her eyes would go over the people and the bag of bagels and the construction men they probably #have a kid at home maybe shes a daughter. this kid is crying for her mother and the building you just walked past caused #blisters and pain and people died in it and very likely people were born in it. we talked for hours and i felt like #i was holding her hand just like that time she held mine watching a horror film. i love her so much #my friend is a genius and i remember her picking up the charms of my phone and staring at the leaf hanging from them. shes side stepping to #music drinking dangerous cider and cocktails from a movie and chit chatting with billionaires and undergrads #i love her dearly. his head covered in electrodes. she tells me about a syrian guy shes in love with and she says #what you feel and what i feel is like cocaine. ive tried a lot of fucking cocaine.#she says ive reminded her of what living actually feels like and to never put energy into someone who doesnt see me this way.

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megumi-fm · 8 months ago

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#okay random story time i don't know why im narrating this or how i even stumbled upon this memory rn #but i generally do sad vents in the tags and for a change this is a funny one #so back in highschool (i say highschool but i mean junior college) i used to visit this park near my house a lot #i was an sg kid back then and the thing about parks there is that they're kinda beach-parks and they have the best cycling/running tracks #they're also really massive parks so i used to go often. sometimes bicycling. other times walking. yeah. the park was like my sanctuary #anyway. there are quite a few bike rental areas in the park and there was a cute lil shop next to this one particular rental place #and they sold like biscuits and water and icecreams and stuff and i went there a lot #and on one particular day i went there and there was this guy around my age part timing at that shop #now again this might be culture specific bc i dont see it in india but part timing in uni/pre-uni is pretty common is sg #a lot of shops and restaurants employ teenagers to twenty something ppl for part time jobs... anyway im just adding context #point is that i had walked to the park with my mum that day and she told me to go buy a couple icecreams so i went to the shop #and i saw this guy around my age and like. not to be a simp but this dude was so pretty?#like he saw someone had come to the counter so he looked up and shot a smile and i thought i got slapped by sunlight #i could spend the next several lines going on about his pretty tan skin and his glowing raven eyes but this is pathetic enough so ill stop #anyway he saw me and smiled really wide (customer service smile- i thought to myself) and i smiled back and asked for icecreams or whatever #and then this guy started getting chatty right. so he was all 'you come here (to the park) often right? ive seen you with your bike a lot'#see now. the problem with me is that i always think im bothering people. this poor dude was attempting to make conversation #and i was replying with one word answers #and i wasn't even realizing that he didnt want that. bc he kept asking more questions and i. kept. shutting them down.#then when he gave me the icecream he was all 'are you here alone? icecream alone is no fun... i could keep you company if you want..?'#which. he was being really cute about right. but because im so fucking dense i was all 'oh no i came with my mom actually'#and he went 'aw man' in this really cute but faux sad way which i didnt understand at the time and i left and then #after three full fucking days. i realized this man was tryna hit on me?#and then i went to the park like a week later and he was gone. poof. i even thought of asking the uncle in charge of that place #then i got too embarrassed and chickened out #yeah so turns out my neurodivergence neutralizes any sort of rizz that comes my way #i could've been chilling with a cute boyf rn but no😩 this is my destiny #megumi in the tags

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iniziare · 7 months ago

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Tag drop: Dorian Pavus

#[ dorian pavus. ] he says we're alike. too much pride. once i would have been overjoyed to hear him say that. now I'm not certain.#[ dorian pavus: ic. ] you find joy in it not shame. it shows. / why be ashamed? power should be respected. not swept under the carpet.#[ dorian pavus: inquiries. ] stop talking like you're waiting for applause. / what? there's no applause?#[ dorian pavus: countenance. ] i'm here to set things right. also? to look dashing. that part's less difficult.#[ dorian pavus: introspection. ] selfish i suppose. not to want to spend my entire life screaming on the inside.#[ dorian pavus: meta. ] you inspired me with your marvelous antics. you’re shaping the world. how could i aspire to do any less?#[ dorian pavus: etc. ] you can't call me pampered. nobody's peeled a grape for me in weeks.#[ dorian pavus: magic. ] don't your spells whisper things to you? what is and could be? music in the mind of strange faraway places?#[ dorian pavus: inquisition. ] we're going to get lost and starve to death. aren't we? a glorious end for the inquisition.#[ dorian pavus: tevinter. ] despite appearances. we care deeply. about everything. we have no reserve. not in war and not in love.#[ dorian pavus: felix. ] even in illness he was the best of us. with him around you knew things could be better.#[ dorian pavus: gereon. ] we used to talk about how we could make real change in the imperium. then he gave up. he stopped trying.#[ dorian pavus: halward. ] i only wanted what was best for you. / no. you wanted the best for you. your fucking legacy.#[ dorian pavus: aquinea. ] her blame was cold and smothering. never spoken but always present. he couldn't face that. not yet.#[ dorian pavus: inquisitor. ] you have too many people asking you for everything under the sun. i won't be one of them.#[ dorian pavus: solas. ] you startled me. you're always so... nondescript. / please speak up. i cannot hear you over your outfit.#[ dorian pavus: varric. ] what do you think sparkler? ten royals says the next thing we run into farts fire. / taken i win either way.#[ dorian pavus: cullen. ] gloat all you like. i have this one. / are you sassing me commander? i didn't know you had it in you.#[ dorian pavus: cassandra. ] blue scarf? why would i be wearing such a thing? / It's a painting. work with me. it'll be fantastic.#[ dorian pavus: cole. ] you say you're handsome all the time. am i? i can't tell. / you're all right. might want to rethink the hats.#[ dorian pavus: vivienne. ] i received a letter the other day dorian. / truly? it's nice to know you have friends.#[ dorian pavus: blackwall. ] point is. you should let yourself off the hook. i know bad men and you're not one.#[ dorian pavus: sera. ] you magic me: i'll put three arrows in your eye. / now we can live together in peace and harmony.#[ dorian pavus: bull. ] no qunari would accept a tevinter mage unless it was a ruse. when should i expect a knife in the back?#[ dorian pavus: corypheus. ] one of yours? / one of mine? like a pet? a giant darkspawn hamster with aspirations of godhood?#[ dorian pavus: v. inquisition. ] one of mine? like a pet? like a giant darkspawn hamster with aspirations of godhood?#[ dorian pavus: v. veilguard. ] evil gods. rituals. waiting for the stars. it's about as tevinter as blood magic and hubris.#tag drop

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pilonciillo · 24 days ago

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on another note

#4-5ish months i’ve been the main (i’m pretty sure only) person cleaning every weekend #my only days off and through the week clean dishes or load up the washer and pick them up #occasionally someone else w load it but not pick up or vice verse #november i lost all motivation i ask for help i get told they’re tired or they work or later or im met w but i did xyz the other day blah bl #blah blah yk #i tried to clean in nov but i just can’t im tired it’s constant that im cleaning i want to do things not go from work to home for chores to #also cook and then clean up dinner because i also have a job #and when i do something im not like OH well i did xyz! so i won’t do that …no i just say okay because why bring up what i already did things #need to be done why are you arguing with me like we want to bring up receipts? i’ll bring them up #i’m cleaning up clothes that’s not mine i’m cleaning up shit piss ans throw up of a dog that is not mine i walk said dog occasionally #but nope not the other way around why would they do any of that when it’s not theirs ?#i ask them to pick one day to make dinner nope i can’t i’m busy i have xyz …okay i have work gym appts errands too #and since i have cleaned in like a month or over it’s a mess but no one has taken action to fix that it’s just it’s messy in here #that’s why i hate if you need help ask. .#I ASK I DONT GET HELP you ask i help but god forbid i ask #‘but you clean weird’ ‘you do a deep clean’ it’s a regular clean i clean to clean not to light dust and see it be back to how it was in a #day or two. deep clean is i’m up in a ladder cleaning the vents cleaning cabinets shelves i can’t regularly reach or are hard to get to and #honestly that should be a monthly thing #weekly is wipe down appliances. sweep swiffer vacuum and mop the floors. wipe countertops and flat surfaces. flip the chairs around tighten #bolts wash the tablecloth clean the table. vacuum the couches lint roll any cloth surfaces. clean or wipe down the stove/microwave depending #on how dirty. clean bathroom tub toilet sink floors mirror. this is not a deep clean w that you get the fridge and dishwasher windows move t #the furniture to clean under that. i am tired and i dont ever get to finish everything #bathroom stays last and weekends are only so long i also go to the gym or need to go to the store or have ot to do #and ik i brought up here that im depressed but im not bring that up to them because regardless these things need to get done be it a the #worlds slowest pace but does need to happen and i don’t want to use that as an excuse because i will just let myself lay in bed and not show #shower or move does this mentality eat away at me maybe idk but it’s what my parents gave me and it’s not changing i don’t think so here we #are.#we can wait another month and i might be on the up but ill be down again so 🤷‍♀️#like actually i can use a lot of things as an excuse but that doesn’t help anyone does it ?

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mayo-is-an-instrument · 6 months ago

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I made a boo oc!! I'll make more drawings to use them for when I start making "serious" YouTube videos :3

#mayodraws #dont really know what else to tag so #TIME FOR RAMBLING WOOHOO #im thinking of just getting rid of the name Mayo tbh #ive grown sick of it #honestly might just stick to my real name for everything atp #i use it for the entirety of discord now so 💀#i just feel like its not me if its not my actual name #its like its a separate identity of myself even if im the same person you know?#i like feeling that i am me even through a screen i am still me and not some offbrand representation of myself #so hey everyone my name is Hailey :3 feel free to call me that #soon enough ill change all my socials or the ones I actually use to be some form of 'Hailstorm' because it sounds cool imo #and its a nickname my sister gave me so it also means something special to me <3 #should I have made a separate post for this? yes #is it too late? also yes #since im in a ramble session i may as well say more on my mind #im in a server for discord and i so badly have been trying to become friends with people there but holy shit even after like 2 months #i still cant gather courage to speak most of the time #hopefully ill open up more soon but man i need to just not be so shy 😭#are you having fun reading through the tags 💀💀#i would be surprised of anyone actually read all if them #if you did i hope you have a wonderful day 👍👍#also Merry Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its Christmas totally #back onto the youtuve thing most of my videos are just shit like “toad screaming” or editing zelda cutscenes but at some point i want to #make scripted videos for nintendo related stuff #i already finished a script for ttyd and i know its not the best script but for being my first its good enough and ill learn along the way #okay im done yapping Happy St Patrick's Day

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rustbeltbabey · 8 months ago

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boo hoo sad pity party posting hours LMAO but I rlly truly don't think I will ever be in another relationship again. I don't feel that I will every b desirable or deserving enough, and I don't feel like I will ever even b seen as a guy n idk. I just don't know.

#mayave its imposter syndrome maybe its internalized transphobia but i dont think any gay man would ever date me bc i dont thibk any of them #would thibk of me as a man. idk. maybe this will change once i start like. PHYICALLY transitioning but i rlly feel like theres no hope 4 me #i feel like i will always be thought of as a woman for the rest of my life i feel like i will never pass as anything but a woman i feel like #i dont have any positive qualities i don't like a single thing abt myself i dont thibk im capable of loving someone im so distant w everyone #im so scared of phyically and emotional intimacy i feel like a burden i dont even know how to act like a man and i KNOW that thst isnt a #fucking thing i KNOW theres no right way of being a man i know that logically but still the fact that i grew up isolated from men and #that i rarely interact w them even to this day i have no male friends no male role models nothing im so scared im gonna like.#break social rules n shit which is RIDICULOUS bc once again there's no right way to b a guy or to preform masculinity and also im so early #in my transition no one even knows im a guy anways. but also im worri3d bc of thst no one will ever seen me as one unless i start conforming #to traditional masculinity and i dont know now to emulate it bc ivenonly ever seen it from afar i dont actually know what guys talk about #howbthey act around eachother what is socially acceptable or not i dont have a clue bc i dont ever interact w men and its like. fucking #stupid of me to even want to know bc it shouldn't matter to me BUT IT DOES and it makes me so anxious that i do not know how to emulate it #even if i wanted to i wouldnt know how bc i grew up in a fucking cult and i know so little men and i have terrible social skills n i #probably have autism which just. everything is compounded upon eachother n i feel like im going crazy i dont think ill ever be enough.#I hope i'm in a better mental place when i start t but even that im so fucking bad at doing things bc i have executive dysfunction that like #i havent even started tbe process or called thr clinic im just likem fucking spiraling. I hope my mindset becomes healthier once I start.#anwyss lol. do u guys like me? bc i feel like im unbearable n im trying not to be let me know if u do or not so i can try to cahnge ^.^#🪽

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lildoodlecat · 9 months ago

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h

#ive been finally trying meds for my adhd and i think current one is working but #if im not super productive every day i feel bad #bc this is supposed to help #but idk what's a reasonable amount of productivity when it's finals and ive been rawdogging life up to this point #are the meds actually helping or am i just experiencing adhd stress response. who knows!!!#are they not working or am i burned out!! who knows!!!!!!!!!#i did just finish being extremely fucking stressed and working all day every day to stay caught up #so maybe i deserved to do fuck all this last weekend #but it feelsbad #idk im doing so much different from usual i cant tell if thats bc of the meds or if it wouldve gone like this anyway #man.#i feel like it's making me change plans unexpectedly more and it's fucking me up #or mahbe im just doing that #idk. ill see how i am after finals #there's too much to do and im way too small i wish i could just nap and read and play games for a bit #but my ps3 is still dead and i cant replace it until june or later probably #i have other games but i wanna play tales #and finish the sotc playthrough i was in the middle of #also i still have finals #;-;

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kisskissgotohell · 1 year ago

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i just wanna point out that, like. it's okay to disagree with the main character. just because they're the pov of the story doesn't mean they're infallible or that their word is law? you can like that character that tried to kill the mc. you can think the mc made the wrong choice. you can forgive things that the mc would never forgive, or choose not to forgive things that the mc does, because you're not the main character. you are the reader of the story, and just because you can't change it (and it's not the author's responsibility to capitulate to fans) doesn't mean you can't form your own opinions about it. it's fictional! that's the point! have fun with it!!

#sometimes.... main characters....... can be wrong #of course authors will generally try and make you like or agree with the mc (in some way at the very least) but like.#even the most perfect 'good guys' have flaws or else it's not usually a very well written story. and it's okay to acknowledge that!#it's not even really an issue of the whole 'protagonists can be bad guys/antagonists can be good guys' thing (ex. death note)#but like. even if you 100% root for the mc and think they're totally in the right you can still..... like the character that betrayed them?#nothing you say or think about them will make them NOT betray the mc in canon. so why does it matter if you like them despite it?#it's fiction - you can like multiple parts of the story simultaneously. it's okay. i give you permission.#on a similar note. it's okay for people to have different opinions about the same thing #to continue the analogy: maybe your friend doesn't forgive that guy for the betrayal but you do. that's great!#everyone can have an opinion about that guy and just bc someone disagrees with you doesn't mean you can harass them to change their mind.#while im down here #sorry about all this. im procrastinating on a project and ill do anything to stop thinking abt it so im thinking abt this instead #take death note. i do NOT agree with light but i also don't necessarily agree with L either. and i like both of them!#light HATES L and yet he's one of my favorite characters. i hate everything light does and yet i really enjoy reading from his pov.#its not black and white!#have opinions! change them after two days or think about the same blorbo for years! critical thinking and personal enjoyment can coexist!#anyways.

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago

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#ay ay ay. i dont wanna do my job so bad. it makes me so unhappy also i fucked up a thing by letting someone take part of a culture when i #shouldnt have. it happened so many months ago that i fucking forgot abt it and then the person emailed me abt when we received the stain and #i thought it was someone from another project so i cc'd my boss who was like. wait. what the fuck is this? and now its like oops sorry but #like wtf am i supposed to do abt it now? she askrd me to take some when i was rushing out of someone else's lab and i was like what? sure.#whatever i dont give a fuck i feel like im dying every second i stand in this room. i didnt even think to ask to share it which is what i #should have done. oops. cant do anything abt it now other than feel abt abt causing drama between labs. ugh.#i just wanna cut all ties with my old work. theres no joy there. only pain and anger. which makes it hard to work with it but the sooner i #do. the sooner i dont have to fucking deal with it anymore. ugh. also i really need to find a therapist but my insurance changes in like 18 #days so i might as well wait for the semester to start. ugh. like i can feel the pull of my bad habits trying to drag me down and i dont kno #how to stop them. like its weird. i noticed while my parents were here. they can just do things and enjoy stuff. and everytime i do #something i feel like im holding my breath the entrie time waiting for it to be over and for what? its not like i had other stuff to do #i just needed to kno when things were gonna end and i dont deal well with flexible situations. which makes it hard to do things. so its #like do i succumb to my control freak lil bubble of not doing anything and being miserable or do things outside my comfort zone and be #miserable? one of those things is way easier. plus i dont even kno anyone here so its like wtf do i do?#try to make friends with my sometimes roommate maybe. i just need to corner her and be like hey i need to establish a dialog with u so i can #tell u that if i seem like a weird hermit im not trying to b standoffish i just dont kno how to do human interaction well. can we b friends?#id like to b friends but if i dont talk now then ill get stuck not talking ever. which is whats happened with past roommates... god my 1st #roommate must have thought i was so fucking weird. ugh. point is. these bad habits must stop. and i really need to get work done so i can #never think abt that shit ever again. at least now that ive moved i can run up the side of a mountain when im frustrated #unrelated

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ahaura · 2 years ago

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someday i'd like to commission art of an oc

#hvaña #my ocs come and go my attachment is considerably less bec of how i wrote in my teen years #and im kinda scared that if i create an oc they wont like. be around for long u know? like i may have interest and talk #about them but also in a few weeks or months i could completely forget about them and that #feels like both a waste of the artist's time and my money. unless its not that serious and it doesnt matter and im overthinking it #but like. idk. i currently have only one (1) major oc that i've held onto for the last several months because #unlike my usual writing there's like... not variations or on a whim there's like a Story there it's unique to my own creative landscape #if that makes any sense at all. its not gauranteed i will keep them but they have the most longevity out of all my ocs for sure #also one of these days i think ill have to change the way i make them bec both purpose and source of creativity have changed.

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aster-aspera · 1 year ago

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I'm really late with this but here's my boy who is so, so doomed by the narrative

#one day ill elaborate on his backstory but not today because i have a migraine #anyways i only realised now their alignment should be lawful good and not chaotic #welp im not changing it anymore #anyways leander might be making astarion better but i think astarion also deserves to make leander a little worse #also their dynamic is so funny #leander: everyone i love dies :((#astarion: well good for you im already dead #also both of them are just going: no way ill ever fall in love with this asshole #and then inevitably cathc feelings #bg3 #bg3 tav #please ignore how crunchy the pictures look #my computer is allergic to taking screenshots

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yuribalisms · 1 year ago

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Essentially what it is all boiling down to is I have fully realized I am bad at being a person, that will always be true, and I don’t know how to handle that

#I’m going to be depressing and self depreciating in the tags so. fair warning to anyone who reads them #I’ve known for a while now that I don’t know what to do with my life. I’ve thought of a few ideas but none of them seem to be working. and I #think a good chunk of what it’s boiling down to is that I am quite literally just stupid when it comes to an actual useful real life skills.#and it’s frustrating because I can’t even talk to ppl I know and confide in them that I feel dumb and stupid without them being like ‘nooooo #don’t say that! you’re not stupid! you were top of your class in hs!’ (that is their favorite thing to fall back on) but like. the thing is #I wasn’t even smart in hs. sure I did good but that’s because I cheated my way through and got lucky a lot. I never actually learned anythin #I never understood what I was being taught or how to apply it. I was good at English and art classes and that was it those were the only one #I truly felt I knew what I was doing in and grasped the subject matter well. I know I’m good at those two things and smart when it comes to #those subjects. but the thing is. in real life. both of those are useless skills. I can’t make money with them and it is highly unlikely #that will ever change. and yes I know not being able to make money with it doesn’t mean it’s useless but like it kinda does. capitalism #sucks. I know that. we all do. but that doesn’t change that we live in a capitalist society and it’s unlikely to actual change in my lifetim #so I’m stuck to try and figure out how to live in it. but I have no skills I can make money with so I will live my entire life poor and #miserable and working dead end jobs that make me want to kill myself. I’m not good at socialization I’m so fucking bad at it so I can’t work #any kind of job that hinges on networking or sales or human interaction which is MOST JOBS but I’m also too stupid for anything related to #STEM. I tried two different stem degrees and flunked out of both of them because I am a FUCKING IDIOT and I know there’s no point in trying #to go back to school for another one. but no degree in anything I naturally have a knack for will help me find a decent well paying job. ill #just be wasting my money to go to school for something like that. and then like. I don’t even think I’ll ever get married and I def won’t #ever have kids. so I can’t even put any hopeful stock in just being happy with a family one day. I know a lot of ppl who don’t like their #careers but they’re fine with that because they’re happy with their family but like I don’t even have that and I won’t ever have that. I #have NOTHING to strive for and NOTHING I am good at that’s meaningful I’m going to fail at having a career and a family and I know that #doesn’t mean I won’t be happy in theory but by societal standards I am and always will be a fucking failure of a person and since I do live #in this society yeah. it’s kinda fucking true. and I don’t know what to do about that. I’m just tired. I’m tired of being afraid and #struggling and going through patches of wanting to kill myself because of this because like what’s the point. I’ll never have anything #better so what in the actual hell is the point of me existing. and I know I’m being ridiculous and my brain is eating itself and none of #this is probably even true but that doesn’t change that it FEELS like it is a lot of times and esp right now and I don’t know what to do #to anyone who reads this I’ll be fine tbh prob as soon as tomorrow like dw about it I just need to get it out so I stop stewing in it.#I’m just. yeah. not having a great time rn but I left work so I’m gonna cry and then maybe sleep for a bit and hope that helps #kaz rambles

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