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eri-cheri · 4 years ago

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Now that we have reached the last chapter of the year. It is time to do a 2020 roll call of what I like to call, “State of the Shippers”:

1. IzuOcha. Status: Placated.

-IzuOcha’s could celebrate several cute tidbits throughout the year. Mini moments as they say.

Anime Highlights: The OVA’s came in clutch with moments for shippers all around and IzuOcha is no exception. We got a cute tidbit where Izuku and Ochako bumped into each other and were flustered.

Manga Highlights: Christmas kept on giving to this fandom as the AM doll Izuku gave Ochako made many appearances. A cute fist bump between the two was also exchanged and Mina was right there bouncing with y’all.

Heroes Rising: Izuku super man carried Ochako to safety. And was Angy she was injured. Fans could enjoy the small Lois Lane moment.

Troubling Signs?: Ochako said “I would like to be excluded from this narrative” when it comes to her feelings for Deku. She’s a hero damnit! So if they are in for something, probably won’t be while they are still in school.

II. DabiHawks. Status: Yikes.

- Dabi and Hawk’s very public breakup set this fandom in disarray but also kind of disayay?

Anime Highlights: None yet. This fandom was cruelly cock blocked by Bones. Sorry DabiHawks stans.

Manga Highlights: Where to begin, my goodness. With these fans, I guess the good and the bad is a plus in this homoerotic double agent relationship. We have the notion that Dabi may have known Hawks when they were kids, which may be a positive? Hori sure loves his childhood friends. Other than that. The GIRLS WERE FIGHTIN’. Hawks is now permanently scarred by Dabi and I don’t think it was kinky folks. Tokoyami inserted himself in the middle to White Knight Hawks, Dabi broke up with him via YT expose and overall, shippers could anguish in the absolute MESS that this ship endured this year. But I’m sure that’s part of the appeal. So...yay?

Heroes Rising: They were both in it.

Troubling Signs?: The entire relationship is a troubling sign which again, is part of the appeal. Maybe Hawks will cuddle up with Dabi’s father after the war. That’s troubling! Speaking of...

III. EndHawks. Status: Yearning and Burning.

-If there’s one thing Endeavor couldn’t stop worrying about, it was his hot (in more ways than one) new side piece who probably should have looked at the fine print when signing a contract to be a recurring guest star on “Keeping up with the Todoroki’s”.

Anime Highlights: A fateful meeting finally in high definition for all our eyes to see! Hawks’s unwavering support of his biggest hero was endearing to watch and their shenanigans together spurred the anime onlies to finally jump on the biggest May-December ship in the series.

Manga Highlights: Endeavor’s admiration and concern for Hawks seeped through the pages as we entered our most exciting arc in the manga yet. Fate split these two up yet entwined their downfall together. And that Fate’s name was Dabi...or should I say ⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️ or should I just say Touya!

Heroes Rising: “Don’t bite my head off, Endeavor.” Geez, can you flirt a little less loud Hawks?

Troubling Signs?: They say never meet your heroes and Hawks is in for a rude awakening. We shall see just how deep his admiration runs or if Endeavor’s past will split our dynamic duo up for good.

IV: TodoDeku. Status: “Precious”

-Shoto’s “Midoriya is in Danger” radar was highlighted in both manga and anime. 4th User’s quirk, who?

Anime Highlights: “Midoriya hasn’t returned yet.” “Where’s Midoriya?” “Midoriya! Grab my hand!” “Have some of my Soba Midoriya.” Shoto gets it. His emotional support friend is a danger magnet. TodoDeku’s also enjoyed tiny tidbits in the OVA such as a hand grabbing scene. Gotta hold tight to those crumbs.

Manga Highlights: Two Words. “Precious Friend.” Deku comes in w/o arms or legs fighting for Shoto and Shoto’s honor. These two spent the entire year worried sick about each other, and going against all odds to save each other. Precious Friends indeed. TDDK fans ate.

Heroes Rising: Shoto kicks some dog ass and then faints thinking of Deku (and Bakugo but shh. Let the shippers rejoice.) On the bright side, we have a 3rd movie coming featuring “The Three Musketeers” so shippers of TdDk can HOLD TIGHT to what’s to come.

Troubling Signs?: Shoto still doesn’t know about OFA and he’s gonna have LOTS of questions after this arc. Will Deku finally tell him? If not, it could make or break the ship.

V. TodoBaku. Status: “Shining through the city with a little funk and soul.”

-Who knew the greatest comedy duo we needed was Shoto and his hot headed “friend” or not friend? It still remains unclear to Shoto. Regardless, these two had a fun year.

Anime Highlights: “I wanna see your cute face”, disco dancing, and more fun in the provisional license training. Plus the OVA added some cute moments between the two such as Bakugo staying behind to save Todoroki during a dangerous excercise and his adorable plan neatly animated for us. I’d say TodoBaku’s really were resurgent and energized this year!

Manga Highlights: Shoto, that is not how you properly Catch a Kacchan, I’m sorry. But at least you did it you mad lad. As with Deku, Shoto spent the year worried sick about Bakugo. While the anime let us have our fun, these two were suffering in the manga.

Heroes Rising: Again, Shoto put a dog down and then fainted with Bakugo on his mind (and Deku but we ignore that. Shush.) TodoBaku’s have the 3rd movie to look forward to which is bound to have some amazing content!

Troubling Signs?: They have a lot of trauma to deal with. And a lot of Deku to worry about. I also imagine Shoto will be hurt about being left out of the OFA secret. We shall see what 2021 has to offer.

VI. KiriMina. Status: Unbreakable.

-Changing your hairstyle to match the gal who inspired you in middle school? Sorry y’all but if Mina were a guy, I’d say that’s gay af.

Anime Highlights: We got that backstory Bois. Red Riot’s origin might as well make him be called Pink Riot. Again with Hori and the childhood friends though I wouldn’t exactly call them friends. They just went to the same middle school but Kirishima was highly influenced by Mina’s Chivalrous spirit! A ship is born!

Manga Highlights: The influence is mutual! Mina creates a move based on Kirishima’s unbreakable and we all let out a collective “awwww”. Also in the war arc, we got Kirishima making sure Mina’s chivalrous spirit shines through right into Gigantomachia’s mouth! KiriMina may just be the unsung MVP’s of this arc.

Heroes Rising: They were in it.

Troubling Signs?: I can’t think of a single one. KiriMina’s can enjoy a peaceful sailing.

VII: KiriBaku. Status: Crumb Collectors.

-2020 was an uneventful year for KiriBaku but Bones made sure there were crumbs aplenty! Thank God for OVA’s!

Anime Highlights: KiriBaku’s did thrive in one episode! Kirishima reflects on the sludge incident and evolves his quirk based on inspiring words from Bakugo! Hooray! KiriBaku’s can thrive in their blossoming friendship. The OVA also has Kirishima (and Kaminari but shh) once again following Bakugo’s lead when it comes to the training excercise. How can you not? He’s so manly!

Manga Highlights: Not gonna lie. There is nothing much here this year. I did find a teeny tiny flake in Aizawa’s flashback. Kirishima and Bakugo are sitting next to each other. Oh! And at the hot pot gathering, Bakugo sits next to Kirishima! Eat your crumbs KiriBaku’s! There’s always next year!

Heroes Rising: Kirishima hangs with a lazy Bakugo and delivers the most hilarious line in the whole movie. “Silly Bakugo, there won’t be villains here!” Hahah... Silly Bakugo. Oh you~ KiriBaku’s can inhale the fact that those two sure love to hover around each other!

Troubling Signs?: With great crumbs come little responsiblity. No trouble if there’s no content! 🤔

VIII: KamiJirou. Status: Singing their hearts out 🎶

-If there’s any ship that’s coming close to canonization, I think this is it, folks! “Think of the person most important to you!” Can’t argue with Midnight!

Anime Highlights: Kaminari does non stop encouraging of Jirou and her hobbies! He works super hard to learn guitar for her sake! We love a king who can encourage his queen!

Manga Highlights: Kaminari thinks of the most important person to him and surprise! It’s Jirou! All of the feels can commence.

Heroes Rising: They were in it!

Troubling Signs?: Kaminari does love his women. And men. Kaminari overall is a huge flirt. But Jirou appears to have his heart strings. ❤️

IX: BakuDeku. Status: Rising. 👑

-Alternative Statuses include Winning, Thriving, Soaring. It’s just been non stop content this year. 2020 is truly the year for BakuDeku. The shippers can rejoice.

Anime Highlights: Three words. Be. My. Cane. The OVA’s helped fan the flames of the BkDk hearts with a surprise! Deku tops! Not only that, we got a lovely shoulder tap of encouragement in the canon material. While in season 4, Deku’s primary focus was Eri. Bakugo and Deku still had their moments to be hella gay.

Manga Highlights: Where do I even begin? I guess we’ll just cut to the chase with Bakugo Katsuki: Rising. We finally saw Bakugo’s true feelings manifest for Deku and if getting stabbed for him isn’t the ultimate showing of love, then idk what is. BakuDeku’s rounded out the year with the Volume 29 cover AND the volume 29 cover drafts to eat at our heart strings. Overall, their relationship got the spotlight in the manga this year. And we’re bound to start 2021 with a dramatic confrontation. Hand holding seems to be the key with these two and it didn’t stop with Heroes Rising...speaking of.

Heroes Rising: The entire movie. Like....yeah. That’s it. [OP, your bias is showing. You have to be SPECIFIC.] {But random criticizer in my head, if I lay out the entire plot of the movie, my post will be too long} [OP....] UGHHHH Okay okay. The POPSICLE MELTING. THE HAND HOLDING. THE CHARACTER DESIGNS OF WHAT MIGHT AS WELL BE THEIR LOVE CHILDREN. Did I mention? “It’s fine if it’s you?” CAUSE YEAH. Oh and All Might randomly officiating their wedding in their heads like idk. Isn’t it just simpler if I say the whole movie??!

Troubling Signs?: Well these two’s relationship is extremely delicate and while it has non stop soared this year, Deku might not take too kindly to Bakugo almost dying for him. Will they stop pushing each other away? Time will tell.

That’s all for this year folks! Happy Shipping and good luck to everyone next year!

#my hero academia #bnha spoilers #bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #bakudeku #izuocha #tododeku #todobaku #DabiHawks #endhawks #KiriBaku #kamijirou #kirimina

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softprincesso · 4 years ago

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✨ HOW TO BECOME A WEALTHY MIDDLE AGED MAN✨

PT.2: Overview to understanding different saving/retirement methods, investments, and forms of income

Pt. 2.2 Overview of Investments

Welcome lovelies to (what I hope will be) a helpful series on gaining wealth and becoming financially literate and independent!

Disclaimer: Check other posts. It's too long to keep typing out.

Now comes (what I believe) is the fun part of money. Making it grow.

Investments are defined as “an asset or item acquired with the goal of generating income or appreciation.” Essentially, anything you purchase with the belief that in time it will be worth more. This includes the entire stock market, cryptocurrencies, art, real estate, jewelry, vintage coins, designer bags, etc. Of course, some of these take more time and each comes with some amount of risk. These variables change according to your strategy as an investor.

✨THINGS TO KEEP IN MIND✨

Begin as a Beginner

Do not overwhelm yourself during your financial literacy journey by trying to learn everything, all at once, while also trying it all out. The thing that creates the most confusion when learning is believing the lie that you can multitask well. Yes, start with a brief overview of the systems and institutions (what we are currently doing in the series) but literally all you need to start is definitions and a gist so that you can comprehend how they connect later on. Learning an entire world that has never been taught to you is going to take time, and I’m talking years. And then, when you think you have something down your going to mess up or read an article about how the stock you saw yesterday for $6 is now $1000 and you’re going to be frustrated (this happens a lot). But, If you want to learn about the stock market, focus on the stock market. Retirement still scares you, focus on that until you master it and have a plan. And for Christ’s (or whatever deity/person/universe you believe in) if you do not have a steady stream of income do not put your last pennies trying to get into crypto (or any investing truly). This is something to start after you have income, a savings, a retirement, and have paid off at least most debts.

Recommended sources to learn more:

Netflix has a great series called “Explained” where (you guessed it) they explain things. While I recommend every episode because you can never learn too much, there are ones specifically dedicated to the stock market, cryptocurrencies, and billionaires each that helps to uncomplicate the history and purpose of each of these things.

✨Let’s get started✨

The Stock Market

“Stock markets are real and electronic exchanges that enable the buying and selling of securities. The most popular include the NYSE, Nasdaq MarketSite, and Tokyo Stock Exchange.” Let me, let you, in on a little secret-the stock market is essentially fantasy football (sorry, my American is showing) but with companies. When you buy a security, you are betting that (in the long run or short run, depending on your strategy) that a certain company will perform well and gain profits, which in turn will gain you money on what you bet. There are two categories of players in the market which include the assets (the football players) and the investors (the betting public). Of the assets you can categorize further by what position they play on the field��

Stocks

Most well-known, but the riskiest. The “star” player that everyone hypes up and takes all the credit. Stocks are fractional pieces of publicly traded companies, and by buying a stock you own a relative size of that company. They are either “paying you” through growth (when their stock price rises) or through dividends (when they send you a piece of their profits directly).

Mutual Funds

Less known but a safer bet than single stocks. Popular among those in middle age. “Mutual funds are baskets of stocks or bonds. They come in all different shapes and sizes, from covering broad stock market indexes to focusing on specific sectors.” When you buy a mutual fund, you are saying that you believe on average that pile of stocks/bonds are going to do well, instead of betting on a single player. Usually they are actively managed by people who are trying to “beat” the market for you. Statistically good for the short term, long term are less effective than ETFs.

Index Funds: a subset of mutual funds that are passively managed and track indexes like an ETF but trade like a mutual fund (once at the end of the day and without reliance of supply and demand)

ETFs

Exchange traded funds. The up-and-coming underdog that’s gaining popularity. These are passively managed baskets of stocks and bonds that track over a specific index like the S&P 500. They work like stocks, being traded throughout the day, relying on supply and demand, while giving a lot of the advantages that mutual funds do. They also come with their own set of disadvantages but are still a great way to diversify a portfolio inexpensively.

Bonds

The reliable bench players you know you can put in to save a game. Great safe bets that can generate a steady income. Bonds work like a loan for a regular person, except for a company. You can loan your money to a company which will pay you a principal plus a fixed interest back every specified period. There are different types which come with different advantages and strategies, so make sure to read the fine print.

Commodities

Tangible goods that go into manufacturing-Gold, oil, metals, corn, soybeans, etc. A good defensive team to have in the game for a hedge against inflation or economic troubles. They trade in a commodity exchange. You can still access them through most brokers.

Source to look into for deeper understanding and questions: https://www.investopedia.com/terms/i/investment.asp

Easy way to get started quickly:

1. Create a brokerage account: There are lots of accounts to choose from, but I would go for accounts that have zero fees and no minimum, this is starting to become the norm but once upon a time you had to give a minimum investment of $5000 to get started. I personally use Charles Schwab and Robinhood. I love all of the tools and accounts Schwab has and Robinhood is just easy to use.

2. Sign up: this may take a day or two to finalize, especially with banks but it shouldn’t be a big deal

3. Connect a card or account to transfer funds

4. Buy your first security: I would start off with simply looking up beginner investments on google. I recommend either an ETF, index fund, or choose a company that you have an interest in because you will be more likely to keep up on their news

5. Tip: think long term as a beginner. Sure, once you start learning and understanding you can change your strategy to gain more in a shorter time, but this comes with much more risk. Do not be an idiot and sell all of your stock when you see your investment plummet nor sell as soon as you see it go up a little. The best advice for a beginner: Buy a stock and leave it alone (for YEARS)

Property/Real Estate

There are many ways to invest in real estate-you can buy a property, you can invest in a property fund, you can become a landlord,or you can flip a property. Again, depending on the strategy, will change the risk and reward you have taken on. All of these options are usually on the more cash heavy side but can reap a lot of rewards if done right.

Source to look into:

https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/investing/5-ways-to-invest-in-real-estate

Easy way to get started quickly:

1. Buy a real estate ETF or fund, you can just look this up on google or through your brokerage

2. OR you could look into buying a property near you and renting it out if you have that much cash (Make sure to do your research, this can get pretty complicated)

Art

Also considered property but until recently it was incredibly hard to invest in art without significant cash and contacts available. Now, there are platforms like Masterworks where you can buy a fraction of a piece like a stock of Monet and you get the rise in appreciation. However, it still is for those with money already available, I believe you have to invest a minimum of $2500 to get started on MW.

Sources to look into: https://www.investopedia.com/articles/pf/08/fine-art.asp

Crypto

Cryptocurrencies are digital currencies that are not backed by real or tangible assets or goods, but on the trust and value of the people that use them, and supply and demand. They can be traded like stocks on an exchange and are tracked with a digital ledger on the blockchain. The first cryptocurrency was Bitcoin and the rest that have followed are categorized as altcoins (alternative coins).

The stage of cryptocurrencies we are in is likened to the early 90s with the internet. Not a lot people truly understand the blockchain (the vast ledger space which contains every transaction made securely in encrypted “blocks” that are then “chained” together so that if one block is compromised the whole chain shuts it down.) It is decentralized and written simultaneously on thousands of super computers. The beauty of it is that if one ledger on one computer is somehow hacked or wrong the rest of the computers storing the ledger interrupt and either fix it or shut it down. A way to understand it is blockchain is to the internet as bitcoin is to a website, but the internet runs off people trusting the system, blockchain runs off trusting no one.

The currencies that run on blockchain can have a multitude of purposes, but bitcoin was really just the starting solution to fix the problem of trust on the internet. People wanted a secure, anonymous, untraceable way to spend money online, like cash is in the real world. And while for the most part it is just that, it isn’t completely anonymous. Like in the real world if you buy something from Mcd*nalds with cash that transaction is still recorded in their system and through a receipt. Your crypto transactions are recorded in the blockchain, but most people don’t even know how to access the ledger so for now any ill*cit purchases you make are pretty safe.

I HIGHLY recommend looking into a cryptocurrency course or training just because there is so much that goes into it and lots of details that can help you. This investment is incredibly risky and volatile! I only would suggest investing an amount you are completely comfortable to lose ALL of.

Sources to learn more:

https://www.investopedia.com/cryptocurrency-4427699

Easy to get started quickly (Please dear lord do your research first):

1. Sign up on a crypto exchange like Coinbase or Binance, some brokers (like Robinhood) also allow you to trade crypto but it’s a very limited selection

2. Do lots of research!! (I’m going to say it until you get it, and I don’t think you get it yet)

3. Think of it like stocks, if you read up on the coin and its purpose, and think that it’s going to be useful soon or in the future, then invest

4. Tip: the crypto market moves MUCH faster than the stock market and is much more sensitive. In just these last few days (literally hours) bitcoin was trading at $40,000+, the following day, for whatever reason (people got scared, people wanted to sell to get profits, etc.) it will barely hold $33,000. So, invest wisely!

This is very brief list of the main investments. There is still a lot of depth each of these goes into and especially with things like crypto, information changes 24/7. I hope you have learned by now that you should be continually learning as well. Instead of spending your morning looking at your Instagram feed of bum friends, dusty men, and “models” spend it reading the paper and catching up on the market. Follow investors and billionaires like you follow celebrities and see how much smarter you become. At the end of the day winners focus on winning, losers focus on winners.

With love,

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inventors-fair · 3 years ago

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Epithet Commentary

So, this ended up being a fairly popular contest. I think the prompt was really open and creative, but limiting enough that it wasn’t overwhelming. You all did a pretty good job with it, and I’m happy with the turn out.

Some themes I noticed? One was board wipes. A lot of legendary creatures have some sense of power or finality to their epithets. They’re all the biggest, or the strongest, or the most powerful of whatever they are. It led to a lot of ways to kill things, and a lot of black cards. I was impressed with the non-creatures as well: I was expecting a lot of enchantments and auras effectively granting the epithet to something, but there were a decent amount of spells, and even a few artifacts. In general I was impressed with the cleverness this week. Some people had a lot of fun throwing curve-balls. Picking cleverest reinterpretation wasn’t easy.

Enough talk, on to the talking! BTW, if there’s two paragraphs for an entry, the first is an art direction submitted by the designer.

@bread-into-toast - Archive Keeper

mood: flightless aven librarian, suspended in a cavernous maze of shelves

I like what you’re going for here. That first ability sounds really cool, and I could see it being sort of a build-around theme. I don’t know about uncommon, though. There would have to be quite a few ways to put cards into a library in the format, maybe a keyword that does it, like if flashback tucked instead of exiled. The exact wording of this would make cascade particularly scary if it were in the same format. I also like the flavor, caring for a literal library, and the art is great. Now lets get to my big issue with this: the activated ability. I do really like that you gave the card a way to trigger its first ability, but I think you went a little too aggressive with it. First, unless the format is particularly bad it it, this keyword is going to always be active. It’s cheap and requires a very easy resource to get. The fact that it stacks with multiple of these guys is also scary, especially with it being uncommon. Second, it’s off-color. I know it’s your own graveyard, so it’s not like it’s graveyard hate, but blue has never done this. White does it a little. Also, even though they’re separate, it does sort of read U: This creature gets +1/+0 and gains flying until EOT. That really isn’t blue. That’s fire breathing. Blue doesn’t get fire-breathing, at least not for a very, verly long time. White gets it very, very rarely, but I think it might be fine here. I know the colors are an attempt to put this card in the colors of “putting things in libraries,” which I think is good, but the exact payoff for doing it isn’t quite right.

@chungus-supreme - Lich Queen

Interesting take on Lich. Almost like a mix of Lich and Recycle. The number of permanents you have when you play this will never change. Unless of course you’re playing reanimator or something. It’s especially scary if you’re playing non-permanent cards. These types of cards are rather hard to judge, since saying “this is very swingy and will either lose or win you the game with no inbetween” is kind of the point. Putting lich on a creature is especially awkward since it leaves her open to wraths or sweepers. I do like how she doesn’t technically kill you, so she works will in lich-tribal decks which are more common than you’d expect. Still, I don’t think these kinds of cards are healthy for the game, even if they are fun and silly. They just lead to very simple “do you have it or not?” scenarios which can lead to sour players. Still, as I said, a neat take on the archetype.

@corporalotherbear - Young Conqueror

Art direction: A haughty young man, surrounded by kicked and humbled servants, wearing a crown reminiscent of the horns of a certain elder dragon planeswalker.

What an brat. I get what this card is doing. I like how the “young” part denotes its small power toughness, but the high mana cost and splashy ability makes it feel powerful. I don’t know if I quite agree with “conquerer” specifically, since it takes away from your opponents but doesn’t give you anything. I think that’s kinda minor. I like the ability itself, and I think it's probably costed right. The lose 1 life is mostly trinket text, but the other two effects are pretty strong. ETB discard is at two mana, ETB one-sided sacrifice isn’t actually super common, but on spells its about 2 mana, so a combined four mana is probably okay once you factor in the three colors (and it being a rare, unlike the cards I’m using as an example). I’m going to ignore the personal part of me that dislikes blink decks and aggressive ETB effects and say that this is something wizards would think is okay. And at least this loses value as the game goes on or against specific decks. So in total, I like it. And it’s a good use of this week’s challenge!

@col-seaker-of-the-memiest-legion - Royal Scion

Well isn’t that a pretty boy. So I get the treasure part. But I don’t get the last ability. You can spend money to save things? I don’t quite get what story you’re trying to tell. Mechanically, the card is fine, but there’s a few tiny issues. First, the last ability I believe can target itself. As in, you can sacrifice an artifact to make itself indestructible. Not very intuitive, but I expect it will happen often. That will essentially make this guy a 2/2 that comes with a 1/1, with a little utility. I guess that’s okay. The second issue is I don’t know where this guy is going. Treasure decks and artifact decks have less in common than you might expect: the former are aggressive and usually base red, the latter are usually slow and base blue. They both occasionally show up in white or black, but neither probably want a small body that gets you a few chump blockers and protect some stuff. At uncommon I could see this in maybe an artifact heavy set or a set with treasure synergies, but I’m having some difficulty. I think this guy is fine, but I’m just not a big fan of it.

@demimonde-semigoddess - Heart of Fire

Love the art there, it’s very evocative and really seals the card. I’m also surprised to see cipher; I’ve always thought the mechanic was cool, but it’s hard to do well. I think you may have fallen into the trap as well. This card is very strong. Two damage will usually be able to get at least a single blocker out of the way, and then you get to cast this card again for free most of the time. Most cipher cards were costed as though you were going to get two free casts a turn. The “draw a card” one costs four mana, for example, because it usually comes out as a divination + a curiosity rather than a cantriping curiosity. So this card ends up being really close to a reckless rage that you can go face with and can be recast. Think about Direct Current, which was also a sorcery and also cost you another resource and was 3 mana but still saw lots of limited play. I do like the fact that the card deals damage to the creature it’s encoded on, but because of how cipher works it’s hard to make it feel necessary. Unless the creature has trample, the damage is pretty much going to be all or nothing. Dealing small amounts of damage to your own creature is most relevant before combat. Doing damage after doesn’t usually matter unless it kills it. But it still makes it a cost: you can get another copy of it, but it’ll cost you a small creature. Despite all of my issues, I still like the card. It’s creative and flavorful, it’s just the sort of card that could dominate games, and should not be at common.

@dimestoretajic - Torch of Defiance

I don’t know what to say. It’s a good card. It’s got a very basic pump with a slightly fancier extra ability, and it feels flavorful. The defiance part is a little weak, but I get it. I also think you maybe could have upped one of the costs, or made the equip not have red. As is, it’s stronger than a lot of menace-granting equipment, and it even lets you spread it around. But maybe that’s just me wanting to play it safe. Anyway, card is good! I’m very happy with this one.

@fractured-infinity - Shifting Flame

What an amusing little card. The name helps me picture something, but not an equipment. However, seeing it, I actually like that interpretation. The idea of “wielding” a flame is a cool idea. The effect is cool, though a little weird. It reminds me a lot of balefire dragon, a 7 mana mythic, but maybe the fact that it needs a body and time to set up helps bring it down. I do enjoy some of the safety valves, such as it being double red, meaning it's harder to put it on a deathtoucher, and how it’s all or nothing, so you can’t remove the absolute minimum and have an easily repeatable board wipe. I’m still unsure how much I like this card exactly. Outside of balefire and shockmaw dragon, this effect is pretty rare. At a minimum, it turns a creature into shockmaw. Getting a blazing volley every turn is stronger than it sounds. It makes it hard to build up a board or get your smaller creatures bigger. I do like that, the longer this sits out, the more likely it turns into “equipped creature must be blocked.” Even with all the setup required, I’m a little scared of a reusable one-sided board wipe that just sits out until it's necessary. Granted, I’m not as scared to print this as a lot of cards, but I’d just want to see how it plays first. I think you made a cool card with a unique ability that could end up being a little too hard to come back from without direct answers.

@gayagendaofficial - Heretical Healer

For the art, I imagine a human man pulling a corpse out of a grave. The corpse is not yet fully out of the grave, but the man is already measuring it and preparing to saw off a limb.

Wow, this card is nuts! It’s a repeatable reanimator with very little effort. First, let me address some templating. After the “mill three cards” text, you can have the next sentence be connected. As in, “mill three cards, then you may...” Also, you don’t need to say “under your control” because it’s already coming from your graveyard, so it’s kind of assumed. Okay the card. So, if you play this card, as long as you have two creatures i your graveyard, this reanimates a creature. If you’re playing four of these guys, it’s entirely possible to play this, mill another, then reanimate it, then mill a clone, then clone this guy and do it again. If you’ve ever played when Gyruda combo was a thing, I could see this doing something similar. However, the card itself is pretty cool, and I think it’s worth saving. One option you have is just increasing the cost: I would suggest up to seven mana. Another thing you could do is restrict what you can reanimate, sort of like Gyruda. Perhaps it can only exile or only reanimate the cards it just milled? Or maybe come up with some other restriction, like it having to be a creature with a certain mana value or something. In summary, I like this card’s design, but it’s a little too easy to just be way too powerful in a good enough deck.

@ghoulcalculator64 - Dungeon Warden

I love cards like this. O-ring effects that care about what you O-ringed. How very “imprint” like of you. However, the connect doesn’t quite feel right to me. The two effects feel like they’re pushing in completely different directions. Banisher Pirest effects are best in aggressive decks, where having a removal spell on a creature is super relevant, and you can hopefully kill them before they get their creature back. The card draw half of this feels really weird in that style of deck. It seems really strange to have a ticking time bomb like this that just sits there to draw you cards. The high mana cost doesn’t help with that, but I don’t think it could be any cheaper, either. There’s also the fact that it can target your own creature. That feels really antithetical to the design, and can lead to shenanigans that are really counterintuitive to new players. That also sort of ties to one of the first (yet less legitimate) complaints about the card, which is that I think the last ability needs better flavor. I remember in the Discord you mentioned it was supposed to represent interrogating a prisoner for information. But if that were the case, wouldn’t you be exiling your opponent’s graveyard? And if you are allowed to target your own stuff, would you be interrogating yourself? Like I said, this is a little more nit-picky-y, but it really makes that last ability feel disconnected. If I hadn’t seen the Discord message, I wouldn’t have known what it was representing at all. I’ll also say that referring to “the exiled card” even though the card exiles a lot of cards is confusing, but I don’t really know a way to fix that. With all that said, I still don’t think this is a bad card. It’s well designed, creative, and although I say it pushes in opposite directions, sometimes that makes it more viable as a “Plan B” sort of card.

@gollumni - Sun’s Nemesis

Boy, this guy sure does hate the Sun! A little direct on the interpretation here. The white mana symbol is literally a sun, and red mana is… hot. I do love it being a shade, that feels like such a great flavor choice. Mechanically, gotta say I don’t like this card. There’s nothing an opponent can really do once this card hits play. The only real “fun” I think you can have with this card is playing a blood moon, but I don’t know if blood moon leads to fun games anyway. It’s also strange to have a card that does literally nothing but be an overcosted flyer in a lot of matchups. I think the fact that this triggers on every mana is also a bit much. If it cared about the spells being cast, even if it cared about mana costs, that would feel more fair. But right now it’s just so all or nothing, and so easy to make a mistake on. It also will lead to some more annoying players saying “do you tap it for blue or for white?” when a player uses their hallowed fountain to cast a colorless artifact. I get the style here, and I think it’s a really fun way to make a nemesis of the sun, but I think this card leads to unfun games.

@helloijustreadyourpost - Torch of Defiance

I do like the flavor of this card, and the art really helps with that. I like the fact that it just keeps getting stronger and stronger as the game goes on. However, I think it needed to make them stronger. In order to get the first counter, you need to pay a total of 5 mana and have your creature die from damage, all before getting a single amount of value from it. After you do that, though, it can finally start to snowball. Unless they have a bounce spell. What I’m saying is that this card is really fragile. Compare it to Malefic Scythe, which is cheaper, lower rarity, starts with a counter, and works with sacrifice outlets. While I know the damage clause feels correct, I think it’s putting too many restrictions on this card. If you wanted to avoid combos, I think “and it wasn’t sacrificed” would have really helped with that. You could also let counters be put on it when any creature dies form damage, not just the equipped one. I also think you have some extra space to put text on the front of it, so it could grant something while it’s still empty. Menace would be the most obvious and on color, but about anything could work. I could also see it starting with a counter. I like the auto-attach, but it’s really all this card has going for it, and I think it’s hard to take advantage of this card enough to be worth putting it in a deck.

@hiygamer - Cursed Huntsman // Primal Hunter

Fun fact: I have signed foil copies of both of the cards you used for art here. I will not let that color my opinion of the card. Luckily the card is pretty good anyway! I love a good, simple, well-made vanilla. This isn’t technically vanilla, but it’s close (it’s also not french or virtual vanilla, for those wondering). A 3/3 for 3 is a little under curve, but a 5/5 for three is pretty good, exactly what you want from a werewolf. I’m not sure how I feel about the exact flip condition, I kind of feel like a simple “transform this when X dies” would work very well, but then you get some awkward state-based damage effects for the big guy. My biggest complaint with the trigger as it is is that you can play the huntsman post-combat and have it flip right away. The original werewolf clause specifically worked against that, so that it would actually feel like you were transforming a card that had been on the battlefield and not just going straight to the end. I’m also really impressed by the names, which feel like perfect mirrors, sort of like breakneck rider // neck breaker and daybreak ranger // nightfall predator. I don’t normally do judge picks, but I really feel like this is a card I want to see. I like it.

@hypexion - Hate Seed

Now that’s what I call a bad seed! Love the art, by the way, as does my fiance who walked into the room a minute ago. I like this as a card that sort of sits out here and “grows,” much like a seed. It’s pretty easy to grow this guy, especially in mono-black. Playing this one turn two, then playing any number of bobs, sign in bloods, or group pingers like Spawn of Mayhem can get this guy massive by the time you pop him on turn 5, not to mention actual damage! Most cards like this put some sort of restriction on the loss of life, such as paying life, only life you/your opponent loses, or once-per turn. I think it needed something like that, because even without building around this card you can often get it above 10 power by the time you hatch it, at instant speed no less! And with trample! Oofta! From a purely design perspective, I’m glad you put the counters on it, and at the right time, rather than just making an X/X, both because those are hard to remember and also because it helps this card double dip on counter synergies. However, I worry a lot about the memory issues of the first ability, since loss of life comes in many forms and could be confusing to many (i.e. is it more counters for more damage? Does multiple creatures in combat count? What if I gain life at the same time?). Also, and this is really a nitpick, but I think this either wants to tap to activate or be an enchantment. So in total, I think this card is better than it looks and more difficult to play correctly than it looks, which makes for a generally good card but one I’d be worried about printing.

@i-am-the-one-who-wololoes - Mirror-Breaker

Art direction: On the right, Mirror-Mad's "main" spirit (the one in the hallway) is exiting a mirror, who is being ruptured by this fact. On the left, with their back on the ground, someone is terrorized, a hand raised up as to defend themselves from the angry spirit.

This is a type of card we don’t see a lot of. At a minimum, it’s a big hastey one-hit-wonder. But you can hang onto it for a while if you’re smart! I like the literal interpretation of the name. It literally breaks mirrors. And if it doesn’t, then it gets angry and leaves. You can even use it as an artifact sac outlet if you somehow need that. I’m a little unsure about the deathtouch. It seems very unlikely that 5 power won’t kill, and with flying and 1 toughness it’s rare that they’ll double block and need you to spread damage. If anything, the deathtouch is more relevant for blocking. It’s actually kind of strange that this has a downside for attacking, despite having haste and flying and five power, but you can just have it sitting on the back line, read to trade for any creature they have. I don’t think people would do that, but it’s strange how much it kind of rewards you for not attacking. The strange mix of things happening on this card and the different directions this card is being pulled make it hard to put this in a deck.

@jund-berserker - Locus of Rage

I like what this card is trying to do, but it’s way, way too good. At a minimum, you can cast this, name a number of a card in your hand, then cast it. You get a three mana bolt (which is plenty playable, especially in limited at uncommon) and the inevitable ability to do it again. If you name 1 or zero, you can likely win the game with this the turn or two after you play it in almost every eternal format. Compare this card to Aria of Flame, Imminent Doom, or Eidolon of the Great Revel. All these cards are less consistent and harder to build around, or are symmetrical. This just lets you turn half the spells in your deck or more into free lightning bolts. Also, the fact that it triggers on your opponents’ spells just feels mean and oppressive. However, like I said, I like what ou were trying here. I just think that if this had said 1 damage, or maybe 2 damage but only going face, maybe this would be okay, but right now it’s just too good.

@loreholdlesbian - Slumbering Isle

I like the description of a volcano being a “slumbering isle.” That’s a really clever way to reinterpret that. However, I think the “isle” part was either taking too far or not far enough. Basically, I don’t know why this taps for blue beyond the name. It’s sacrifice effect is entirely red. I’d say add a scry or something, but we already have Surtland Frostpyre. This is especially a strange case because lands, as we all know, are colorless. So it’s not like it’s a break or anything, right? But Maro has said that activations costs follow the same rules as cards when it comes to colors. If this activation requires blue, it should do something blue. Alternatively, maybe drop the blue entirely from this card. Or, if you want to make it feel really flavorful, drop the blue from the cost but make it only tap for blue, to really sell the idea of a normal island turning into a scary volcano.

@maizenolo - Lunarch Marshal

That’s cute. Lunarch, moonfolk, that’s so clever. And it’s really cool that you gave it the moonfolk ability to bounce lands. However, that signature ability is… bad. It’s not particularly fun to keep bouncing lands. As with you card specifically, I have two issues with it. First, I don’t think blue gets +1/+0. The only cards that really do it usually have some other thing attached, usually unblockability, so just a flat buff seems weird. I don’t think it’s a color break, but it doesn’t feel blue. Second, this ability is so repeatable I’m worried players are going to overuse it and it will lead to frustrated players. If you just want to hit for three a turn, you’ll slowly be going down lands. Worse yet, imagine you attack your opponent late in the game and they’re at five life. You can bounce all your lands, and maybe they’ll die, but if you get hit with removal you’re going to lose the game, all because of this ability. Is it unfair to blame the designer for a player misplaying a card? Probably, but it’s our job as designers to encourage players to make the right decisions, because the better decisions they make, the better game they’ll have, and the more fun they’ll have. That's the end goal as a designer, isn’t it? I think a good way to get around this is to increase the mana cost, limit it to once per turn, or make it not as useful on repeat uses. For example, if it gave +1/+0 and unblockable, I think it would be less likely that a player would repeat it (though it would need to be costed differently). I think moonfolk are really hard to design. Still, I like the way you answered the prompt.

@misterstingyjack - River Guide

I like this card, but I also have a lot to say. First, the first ability is weird. In general, cards that get better based on your opponents lands have been phased out. There’s nothing your opponent can do about it for the most part, so it just feels mean. However, a single card ebing drawn isn’t that bad, and it’s especially interesting here because drawing a card is the one thing blue decks most want to avoid letting their opponents do. They want to one for one with counters. So this is more of just a strange hoser ability. The last ability has one obvious issue: you can exert something without tapping it. Currently, as written, after activating the ability, the island would still be untapped. But that’s a simple fix: just say “tap and exert an untapped island you control.” I kind of feel like you could have avoided the exert keyword, since it doesn’t really fit flavorfully and it’s not an evergreen keyword. I maybe would have just said that it doesn’t untap in the ability itself. But anyway, the card itself. I think it’s… fine? It’s sort of like a mix of key to the city and the first Thasa card. I think this is one of those cards where it either does nothing in the format or is a four of in a top tier deck. It really depends on the format. But I think independent of all that, I think it’s an okay designed card. And the flavor is spot on, very clever.

@naban-dean-of-irritation - Fractal Bloom

Oh no! Math! This card adds up quickly. It doesn’t quite double your counters each turn, but it gets pretty dang close. This is a really scary card in two ways. It’s very scary when it’s going off, but it’s also really scary to put in a deck. This card really needs to be uilt around to be useful. Yes, this means having cards that have counters, but it also needs a bit of a payoff, still. You can spread counters around, which is nice, but it’s slow enough that you aren’t going to be using it aggressively. At the same time, you don’t want cards that “spend” counters, like Fertilid, because the counters need to stick. So you’ll mostly want this for doubling the power of trampling hydras. I think this card is a little weaker than it looks. I wish this card had a better fail state. I wish it had some very minor but possible way to add counters. Perhaps an expensive activated ability, or that it puts a minimum of one on a card. As is, the card could very easily do nothing, especially considering it costs six mana, requires a board, and doesn’t do anything until your next turn, giving your opponents a lot of ways to interact with it. I think this could probably cost 5 mana, maybe even four if it has a more restrictive color cost. In general, “win more” cards like this are only really fun if they do win you the game quickly or if there’s something do with them when you aren’t using it to win.

@pocketvikings - Defiant Hero

Art Description: We're seeing our hero from the back, charging the Big Bad and facing whatever spells are being thrown at them.

I get it, it’s a hero! Like heroic! But the fact that it triggers on opponents makes it feel like it’s not just a hero, but a defiant one. One who fights through the trouble. I’m having trouble making up my mind on that last bit. Part of me thinks it’s useless. If it makes your creature indestructible, why would your opponent ever cast a removal spell on it? The indestructible will never be relevant because it will always be there. Which means it is relevant. But it also just sort of feels like hexproof from spells? But not if its exile or -X/-X effects. Though opponents are probably very often going to fall for “give your creature -2/-2 oh woops its too big now” which, while clearly on them is something that should probably be avoided. Basically, it’s an ability that is either never going to be used, feel like it isn’t relevant, or only be useful if your opponent misplays. That’s all kind of awkward. Lastly, and this is a big one, this card isn’t rare. This feels a lot worse than Tenth District Legionnaire, which is at uncommon

@rasputingold - Hunger Tide

So this one’s a bit wild. The insect token is a little closer to its origin card, Grist, than I would have liked for this contest, but I can look past that. The fact that you get one for every creature on the battlefield is crazy powerful, though at least they can’t block so you don’t immediately get chumpers forever. I kind of wish there were more of a limiter there, either non-insect, only opponents control, or only you control. As is, this barely needs anything to get nuts. The last ability is very hard to parse. More often than not, it will just be “each player sacrifices a creature,” since it takes 6 insects before they need to sacrifice anything more than 2 toughness, which I feel is about average. I also realize that it being symmetrical balances both the ability and the card as a whole, since you’ll eventually lose all your insects, but it all seems so weirdly roundabout. Lets say you have a creature and they have two when you play this. You add 3 creatures, pass, come back to you, you sacrifice two of your insects. Those insects have done nothing but make math hard. I’ll also say the fail state of this card is still amazing. It’s been a while, but The Abyss is still a four mana card, and this is very nearly strictly better than it. I will say, though, I really enjoy the execution of the story here. They come in slowly, but eat away at smaller creatures until they eat the big ones or die off. It’s a very, very good mechanical representation of a locust swarm. I just think its too complex for any normal magic set.

@real-aspen-hours - Monstrous Raider

NOTE: this is a render created by me. Originally submitted as text.

Vampire Barbarian is a terrifying thought, but a cool concept. I like the fact that this seems so willing to fight that it will stop trying to win the game in order to kill something. I worry that an on-board way to repeatedly deal with creatures is too strong, though. If your opponent ever has just one creature in play, it’s going to be really hard to deal with this guy. They NEED two creature in play, but the fact that this kills one every turn makes that hard. Also, I’ll say that the template is probably different than what you’ve got, looking at a card like Soltari Guerillas. Still, the two toughness at least makes it pretty easy to kill, so it’s a pretty high risk and a pretty high reward. So while it’s probably fine, I worry that this could lead to really frustrating board states.

@reaperfromtheabyss - Cradle of the Sun

This is cute. Love the feeling of a cradle here, and how different it feels from the original. I also have a soft spot for cards like this: Colfenor’s Urn, Cold Storage, Endless Sands. They all have such weird utility. I like that you kind of skip to the end with this card: rather than playing this, wrathing, then getting your creatures back, you play this, wait for a wrath, then wait for them to build their board, then wrath while un-wrathing. It’s such a weird concept and would probably make for some interesting games. Don’t get me wrong, I like it and I love the concept. I just have no idea how it would play. In general on-board wraths lead to long, drawn-out games because no one wants to dedicate to a board state. The fact that this lets you continue to do so is neat, but could be frustrating. At the same time, you’re leaving yourself to get blown out by artifact removal if you’re not careful. So yeah, as a whole, I like it, but would really want to playtest with it before I printed it.

@scavenger98 - Battle Seraph

So I’ll start off with the obvious, which you even admitted to, which is that this is very close to the card its based on, basandra. Same cost, same type, some power. But the rest is very different! The comparison to Omnath is pretty clear, and I’m glad that card exists to give us a clear idea of the templating. Other than the “is” needing to be “are” I think you got it right. As for the exact ability, I think it’s kind of messy. For omnath, the three abilities felt very linked, even if it was just because they all had the number four. Linking them helped you remember what they do: I get 4 of something, just gotta remember what. Here, the three abilities feel very disconnected. One gains life and is dependant on how much damage was dealt, the second makes a very specific token, and the last is a generically good effect. The triggering condition is also really weird. It doesn’t care which creatures, so you have to pay attention to exactly what happens on every turn to every creature. The fact that the first ability cares about how much damage is also really weird and hard to do. You have to count every damage done to everything every turn. But, if your opponent pings a creature in response, you don’t gain any of it, just the ping. The next two abilities I kind of like. A little token is nice, and I like how it makes it easier to trigger in the future by not having first strike. The last ability is almost definitely out-of-color, but considering how much work it takes (first strike, normal combat, and a spell/ability all dealing damage to creatures) maybe makes it worth it. I’m probably wrong, and it’s still probably not okay to let Boros draw cards, but you gotta try. So as a whole, I really want to like this card, and I really like the directions it's pushing, but I think it’s just really, really hard to keep track of what this card is doing while it's in play.

@shakeszx - Wielder of Mysteries

Love the flavor here, great use of an epithet. I’m wondering if this would finally be the card to make this ability work. For reference, Mind Reaver and Grimoire Thief have tried this sort of “use your own cards as counter fuel,” and neither have been all that playable outside of combos. This guy has no combo potential, but boy does he mill! Each end step and each opponent means milling four cards a turn, more in multiplayer (though this guy doesn’t do much else in EDH, the most popular multiplayer format). The fact that he doesn’t doesn’t sacrifice to counter really sets him apart. Putting the card in the graveyard so it isn’t a hard lock is something I appreciate, and I’ll say here that you probably could have said that as the cost to save some space (i.e. 1UU, put a face-down card exiled by ~ into its owner’s graveyard: counter target spell with the same name as that card). My guess as to what kind of deck would play this is some sort of flash deck that can leave up the mana or maybe a control deck that tries to leave this in play as a mill win-con. I don’t know how great it fits into either of those with it’s squishy wizard body, but at least it has a place. I wish there was a way to make this safer to play. Maybe give it ward or more toughness or even more power and flying so it has something to do rather than sit there and hope to be useful. I think this is better than other cards that do the same thing, but I don’t know if it's quite good enough to see play.

@snugz - The Hidden Realm

Very clever to put this on a land. Lands are almost never legendary, even if they feel like it or have “The” in the name. As for this card specifically, I don’t think you realize what this does. When you tap it for mana, it phases out. It will phase back in at the start of your untap step. That means that this is a five color land with no downside other than that it can’t be untapped and used again if you’re using it for colored mana. In fact, it’s a lot better, since your opponent will never be able to target it with removal, rare as that is. So yeah, this card is way too good. Five color land with upside.

@starch255 - Tower of Triumph

Gotta say, was not expecting this one, and not just because I did not know that path of mettle’s back half had an epithet. I love the towers. It was one of the first “whoops, we forgot to finish that cycle because we didn’t even think of it as a cycle” cycles. I’m a little unsure of the templating here. I feel like there needs to be an “each” or “all” in there somewhere to make it clear that you’re not just “activating abilities” but activating at least one per card. This is one of those funny cards where taking it as face value is hilarious. Requiring 48 mana and 6 overcosted cards in play to win the game is essentially impossible. However, having 6 bad cards in play, then playing Galazeth Prismari or Flame Fusillade and paying 8 mana may be more doable, if not “intended.” So this card has a casual, obvious, fun-but-not-viable way to sue it and another less difficult way to use it. I still wish it had some fail state. Maze’s End, for example, has a long and slow win condition tied into it, but it also fixes your mana slowly. Thassa’s Oracle can let you fix your draws. Win conditions tend to be more fun and more playable if there’s something you can do with them before winning, especially for a card like this where it will need to stand on the field a little while probably and therefore risk getting hit by removal.

@takemuse1 - Sengir Thrall

I cannot find any card that has the epithet “Sengir Thrall.” I think you may have either misread the prompt or submitted to the wrong contest. Either way, the card seems fine. I like what you’re trying to do here.

@teaxch - Celestial Wind

I remember the wind cycle, even had a few, for some reason. Here’s a card that hits a bunch of stuff. Get rid of up to three things, get back up to three things. It’s a little wordy. I think it’s possible to make this non-modal, but my suggestion would be “Choose one or both: -Exile target artifact, target enchantment, and/or target creature. - Return target artifact card, target enchantment card, and/or target creature card from your graveyard to the battlefield.” It still reads a little complicated, but at least you wouldn’t have the super weird blank space on the upper right of the card. The functionality of the card actually fits the rest of the cycle pretty well. It’s okay. It’s hard to make a nine mana card that feels worth it that doesn’t just win you the game. I think if you’re playing this you’re mostly going to be using it for the reanimation, since it will be pretty rare for your opponent to have all three permanent types, but there’s better ways to reanimate each of those types, and having a mix of types makes the deck harder to build. You really need at least four modes firing for this card to be even playable, and that’s not easy. Obviously multiplayer is where this card shines, especially EDH, but even there I don’t know if you want a nine mana card unless you can cast it for free, and again, there’s better cards to do that with. I think this card is trying to make up for its cost with its versatility, but there’s a difference between a card always having a use and a card always being useful. This will never be a dead card, but I don’t think it’ll ever be exactly what you need. Final note: compared to Blood on the Snow and Casualties of War, this could pretty easily be a rare.

@walker-of-the-yellow-path - Artful Provocateur

I read your submission comment before the text box and you got me excited for a card with provoke. Instead, it’s got goad, which is the opposite but also the better keyword, so yeah, that’s fine. I like the second ability, it’s got a lot of flavor to it and I could see it being a key card in some decks, like Marisi EDH. The last ability is fitting in a goad-style deck, and works well with the theme. The first ability I don’t think I’m a fan of. Spending a treasure to cast this guy feels weird, since you’d need the extra mana anyway to activate the ability. And if you’re not activating the ability, then you’re just attacking with a 2/1, which is not worth sacking a treasure most of the time. I’d say that it’s neat trinket text to encourage players to play this in a treasure deck, but the middle ability already does that. But I’ll stop focusing on that for now. I like the last two abilities and how well they play together and how nicely they fit in a deck. I like the creature types as well. I wonder a bit about the rarity. Repeatable goad only happened by attacking (which means it didn’t repeat often) or by having it permanently on a single creature, even at rare. The timing is also going to be strange, since you’ll be waiting until the declare attackers step 90% of the time, meaning your opponent’s must be constantly aware of you goading one of their creatures as soon as they move to combat. That’s going to make combat a nightmare. Limiting to sorcery speed would be great. If this is meant to be a conspiracy style set, I think this card is doing way too much at uncommon. If this is meant to be in a commander precon, I kind of understand it as attempting to combine multiple themes. In fact, this seems like it’s trying to combine the two commanders of the RB commander deck they just released: Prosper having a treasure theme and the Eye Tyrant having a goad theme. Still, that first ability seems really tacked on and will lead players to misplay. I like what the card is trying to do, but it needed a bit more restraint.

@whuh-oh - Eternal Pilgrim

Love the art here. This is another take on a pilgrim, our second, and a completely different interpretation. This guy mills you and gains you life, at a minimum one (unless he’s killed in response), then lets you reanimate something, even if it’s just a land. So, first things first, this definitely need to be a rare. It’s such a complex ability, and does a lot of things that shouldn’t happen regularly in limited. The way it snowballs, turning tapped creature into more creatures into bigger creature, or at a bare minimum ramping. I also reeeally wish this were green. I feel likeit’s pretty likely you’ll be reanimating lands most of the time, unless you’re built around these guys. Self mill and life gain are also both green. This is not to say this is out of color, I just think it fits better. I also kind of wish it restricted your reanimation to just cards milled. That would encourage you to really get X up there, instead of just laying back, activating two of these guys in response to each other and getting back the same two two-drops you just blocked with. I want there to be a little more going on here than just slow, repetitive value.

@wolkemesser - The Untouchable

I mean, I don’t want to touch him. A very direct interpretation of the epithet. He can’t be targeted, and if you touch him you die. I like the minion typeline, it’s a rare one, but it really fits the deathtouchiness of this guy. However, that’s about all I like. Deathtouch and trample don’t exist on the same card for a reason. It’s an incredibly niche and awkward interaction that confuses new players. Putting this at uncommon means it’s likely new players are going to have to interact with that. Plus, it having shroud means it will have to be blocked in order to kill it, meaning it will almost certainly come up. I do appreciate that the shroud makes it less likely you’d need to do it with more than two creatures. But trample also doesn’t fit the feel of the card. It doesn’t really make it less touchable. It also isn’t needed for power levels, it’s already strong without it. I think this card is a perfect encapsulation of the epithet, but I wish it wasn’t as unfun to have in play.

-Mod Mr. ShinyObject

#mtg #inventor's fair #commentary #magic the gathering #custom magic card #epithet

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omegatheunknown · 3 years ago

Text

AEW ALL OUT 2021

In which, not to get ahead of myself here, AEW puts on one of the best major wrestling shows in several years*, following the simple yet effective principle of giving the people what they want and sending everyone home happy and hungry for more.

- The incredibly 'Nitro' ending of the go-home Dynamite, which ran a little long on the 'heels beat everyone up and strut around like assholes almost too in desperate need of comeuppance' bit, short of garbage raining into the ring, did actually increase the heat for both promoted matches. Again, not rocket science, but executed perfectly. Catharsis was on the card, and catharsis went over several times Sunday. - Again, it's time to move on from the Casino theme, shuffling the deck and drawing suits really only detracted from the Battle Royale and seemingly always throws the production crew a curve. If they haven't hammered it by now, it's not going to happen. - Bit unhappy about the PAC/Andrade situation, but still over the moon with Andrade's promo style and Chavito being unhelpful at best.

*Pre-Card

Best Friends and Jurassic Express v The Hardy Family Office and The Hybrid 2 (**) - Not usually much to say about a loaded-up multiteam boondoggle, particularly when the show has yet to begin, but there were some moments worth sitting up to take notice -- there's a lot of talent in the ring, even if Jack Evans/Angelico aren't going to be more than mid-level mooks, little matchups with guys like Luchasaurus and Chuck Taylor are opportunities for innovative/weird spots. - Really this match exists to show-off Jungle Boy, play his theme song twice, and work him in to the aforementioned spots. I don't rightly know what Jungle Jack's ceiling is, but it sort of feels like he's plateauing, at least this version of himself. - Dan Lambert thing is interesting in that it doesn't seem to easily lead to something obvious... I mean who are Scorp and Ethan Page feuding with by proxy here, the concept of contemporary professional wrestling? Orange Cassidy and Kenny Omega?

*Main Card

Miro (C) v Eddie Kingston for the TNT Championship (***1/2) - 'Redeem Deez Nuts' T-shirts now available -- and made immediately redundant now that Miro has graciously redeemed Eddie's nuts. - Imagine looking at Miro, listening to Miro talk, and not really being able to figure out this guy is money. Also imagine panicking when he took a little while to find his groove in AEW. 'The Redeemer' is both entertaining and terrifying, and this match delivered heavily on the promise of two big fellas smacking together repeatedly. - Not only does Eddie's arsenal of power moves target Miro's neck, he may also be quite difficult to put in the full reclined camel clutch. Or he'd quite literally snap in half. It didn't come to that. - Weird heel turn by Bryce's attention span and the overall weirdness of the finish is all that kept this from being an excellent match, otherwise this was a tremendous curtain jerker and started off a dangerously fun run of pure adrenaline.

Jon Moxley v Satoshi Kojima (****) - The stakes were nebulous, the build was abrupt, yet this was a fantastic match and tremendous showcase for an underappreciated great who has been more or less just toiling for a bunch of years as a NJPW Dad. Same deal for Nagata, and I assume Tenzan is the same, Taka Michinoku even -- let's see it. - I have to assume the Cozy Lariat might have put Mox down, but Kojima otherwise played the hits (Koji Cutter, Piledriver, Brainbustaaaa) in a big way and Moxley once again proved he's become a very well-rounded wrestler who can match the intensity of just about any former IWGP champion. - More to the point-- KAZE NI NARE -- out of nowhere, too. Or out of nowhere to those not paying attention to the whereabouts of Minoru Suzuki (Right, he's just over here to fight Daniel Garcia and not Mox?), which I guess is to my own peril. Wow, though. Surprise Number 1- a complete surprise, and a welcome one. Let's have it.

Dr Britt Baker, DMD (C) v Kris Statlander for the AEW Women's Championship (****) - I love Kris and her best friends but she didn't have a prayer of dethroning Britt. She got one promo, several weeks ago, and though she did make a meal of Hayter and Rebel, the chase has been abrupt and not given much discussion, other than Mark Henry and whomever else acknowledging what is extremely evident -- Statlander is stronger than she looks, and she looks really strong. They've got her doing Cesaro-level 'modify your grip while holding your opponent's entire weight' nonsense, and it's amazing and scary. - Even with the reign of the good doctor not being credibly threatened, this was an excellent match that demonstrated the continued growth of the competitors in the women's division, even as it underlined that their storylines remain undercooked and perfunctory: Orange Cassidy whipping off his shades to urge Stat to get up was a beautiful moment. Britt's Panama Sunrise, also, too sweet. Statlander eating shit on her 451 and her pendulum moonsault was properly brutal, as were Britt's curb stomps. Really great match between these two. - Again, if they had bothered to write anything into this story, such as Kris' alien physiology making her immune to the lockjaw or something... actually, maybe that's a terrible idea. it's an idea. Undefeated challenger is defeated, on to the next for Dr Britt. Statlander and OC should tag against some of the boys.

The Young Bucks (C) v The Lucha Bros for the AEW World Tag Team Championship(*****+) - Can't not mention the insane entrance lined up for Fenix and Penta. It was bewildering, it was enchanting, it was aggressive, it was hype. It also reminded everybody how very badly we all wanted the Lucha Bros to win. The crowd has been setting new peaks with their volume since Punk showed up, but things were absolutely thunderous and ecstatic at the end of this match. Absolutely valid response. I yelled on the couch. - Nick's facial hair was a bigger tell that it was time for the Bucks to lose than anything else about this build. There's literally nowhere to go from there -- they've done the hair, the bandanas, the kicks, the animal print, the dangly earrings -- peak visual heel for this time and place. - Sincerely thought this was going to be too much of a full sprint spot-fest (the PWG-esque circle of trading blows is not really 'my thing') but even so they kept finding gears, and ramping and ramping and adding blood and brutality along the way. Even a bit of levity, with the tacked up sneaker, followed by the sincerity of Penta throwing himself in harm's way to protect his brother. Immense match, I think you'd have to go back to the Bucks vs the Addiction and MCMGs Ladder War to find a more thrilling tag team gimmick match. - If there's a single flaw to be found it's in the production not really settling on wide angles for simultaneous action at the start of the match. They figured it out. - Rey Fenix is the best luchador in the world.

Women's Casino Battle Royale (**1/2) - If nothing else, this really shows off that they now have a surplus of women's wrestlers who deserve time to hang in the ring. Unsurprisingly, the match picked right up when Thunder Rosa and then Jamie Hayter got to the ring, with additional props to Tay Conti and Jade Cargill, who was dumped rather unceremoniously given her general booking... - Okay, there was something else. Welcome to the rechristened Ruby Soho, who I've not seen a lot of outside of her extremely limited showcase in WWE, but she has so many friends in the back and in the industry and that's never for nothing, not in wrestling, anyway. Intrigued to see where she fits, and if the women ever get more than a match per show. - Touched on this in the preamble but this was the roughest part of the night for the home viewer, just weird decisions on cutting away from various entrances to show... nothing in particular happening. Also while the commitment to not-kayfabing the countdown clock is... admirable? It makes the pacing hinky. - Almost everyone who got new gear for tonight was looking like the white ranger -- Nyla, Swole, Bunny, someone I'm missing. Except Anna Jay, whose stars and glitter gear looked great.

MJF v Chris Jericho for the fate of Jericho's in-ring career (***) - MJF's unauthorized homage to Y2J's entrance: good. Fozzy's guitarist going off tempo with the instrumental Judas: weak, and would've been sad if this were the end for Jericho. Especially as the build has felt... muted, somehow. - Props to the commentary for continuing to feed the red herring of 'in AEW,' as a caveat to stipulation, it did feel like... a remote possibility that MJF would win. - Credit to Aubrey for calling this one down the middle and not putting the fix in for her friend Jericho, and I guess the Dusty finish will give MJF plenty to gripe about. - MJF wrestles with a pure heel style, holds, chops, blocks, and Jericho is fifty years old, so the level of wrestling on exhibition in these matches is well beside the point. It was solid to good, and I was fighting burn out from the first half of the card's level of excitement.

CM Punk v Darby Allin (***1/2) - There are a couple benefits of Darby as a dance partner, and it's certainly better than having to watch Punk return against like, QT Marshall or Shawn Spears. Darby does make everyone look slow, but he can also be tossed around, and this raises his profile even in defeat, obviously. That said, the stakes here are... meta, at best, in that we want to see the man look good and justify the hype. It's a weird thing to root for. He certainly does look good. (Tights? Tights!) - It's fun to theorize about actually booking an angle where Punk is rusty and needs to regain his prowess, and maybe he'll stumble, but maybe the most we get out of that angle is hitting the GTS a little close to the ropes so Darby falls right out of the ring, in what was, for me, the spot that justified this whole match. - Sting's proud step-dad aura is still a hell of a thing, I really liked the end of the match kudos all around. - Match was good, hard to hang my emotions on. I wasn't watching WWE when Punk was in WWE. Definitely feeding off the excitement of others a bit here, and he sure can talk. I'd like to see him cultivate a stable, certainly.

Paul Wight v QT Marshall (n/r) - ...popcorn match? QT Marshall is like the anti-Daniel Garcia in that while his prominence and presence is just as inexplicable, I don't want it to continue, and he doesn't justify it in the process. - Match was two minutes longer than it needed to be.

Kenny Omega (c) v Christian Cage for the AEW World Championship (****1/2) - Crowd was both burnt out and more or less waiting for the post-match angle. Which I get. it's hard to cruise to the main event and having seen all the different things we've already seen on this card, even a singular performer like Kenny Omega and a legend with whom he (surprisingly? fittingly?) has superb chemistry with in Christian Cage were up against it to deliver something memorable. - Context dependent, I can definitely see rating this below their Rampage match, especially since... I mean Christian isn't winning the AEW title off Kenny at this or probably any other event. - But! It was really good! It was very good! They really do match-up well, and Kenny's v-trigger has rarely looked more devastating than when it knocks Christian flat. Christian got cut open in a novel and initially worrying way, and Kenny followed up a botched moonsault with a harder version of the same move off a rail, but it was a really great match and it deserved more energy than was available.

Post-Show - Calling back and inverting the end of Dynamite, The Elite strut about the ring, slightly less stoked than they were on Wednesday, but with the Bucks smiling through the pain, and Jungle Boy once again subjected to violence for his misguided heroism, Kenny 'not much a promo' Omega lays down a killer line about nobody being fit to challenge him who isn't unavailable, already tired or dead. - The Undertaker ADAM COLE, BAY BAY as Surprise #3 was a minor stroke of brilliance, and a fun swerve because while it's exciting to see him, his appearance at this point in the narrative does nothing to solve the problem of The Elite beating up Christian and Jungle Boy. Unless he's still sore about his unsolved murder, which he isn't. Storytime with Adam Cole is back and it's beautiful. Also Jungle Boy died for this. - Okay. But. Just. Okay. CM Punk and Bryan Danielson are All Elite. They will hopefully tag together. Bryan will head to NJPW, almost definitely. Minoru Suzuki just walked in and started slugging on Mox. The Forbidden Door is wide open. Will Kenny Omega one day return to Wrestle Kingdom? There are so many possibilities and they are all very exciting. This was a phenomenal show and it didn't have Hangman Page, Cody Rhodes, FTR, Santana and Ortiz, PAC, Andrade, Sammy Guevara, Team Taz, and the rest.

- Wrestling is good, actually. Imagine watching like five hours of wrestling and loving wrestling at the end of it.

*What competes- WK11, Dominion 2018, 2019, DoN 2019, 2021.. All-In, probably. Wrestlemania 30. A few Takeovers. Kris Wolf's retirement show...

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etoileholland · 4 years ago

Text

Hold me close, I’ve never been so far from home.

Pairing: Tom and female reader

Warnings: a sprinkling of bad words, anger

Word count: 3.5k

Quarantining with the boys had been quite fun. You and the boys had watched a lot of movies together, played a lot of games, and have spent a lot of time watching the boys tend to the chickens. There was only one small dilemma, you were stuck in the UK with them.

You were from overseas, and about two months before lockdown you decided to take a vacation to London. There, you met Tom and had instantly fallen in love with each other. He figured that he could at least spend some time with you before he had to fly to America to film. Besides, he knew you wouldn’t be spending much time in the UK, so he let you live in his home temporarily until you decided to fly back home.

Temporarily was the key word here. No one could have anticipated what was soon to come.

When it was announced in March that the UK would be under heavy lockdown, with no flights being allowed to enter your home country, you realised you were absolutely stuck here. With nowhere to go, and with limited money, Tom allowed you to quarantine with him and the guys.

For the first month, things seemed to be pretty good. Everyone was in high hopes and was positive that things would blow over in a few weeks, so things were good. Great, even.

That is, until you started to inevitably get on each other’s nerves. It was the little things that pissed you off about the boys. Like the way Sam doesn’t shut the tap off properly so it always drips, or when Harrison doesn’t bother to put the toilet seat back down. The boys were annoyed with how you never liked to load the dishwasher, or how you played your music around the house just a little too loud.

You were growing more annoyed with the boys every day, and they were equally growing annoyed with you. It would only be a matter of time until somebody snaps.

Today was that fateful day.

It was a nice morning when you woke up, with Tom sleeping right next to you in your shared bed. His arm was outstretched so that it was holding onto your waist, and your face was buried in the crook of his neck. The sun was shining bright as it was peeking through the blinds, and you could hear a bird chirping outside. You moved Tom’s arm so that you could get up, but it caused him to wake up slightly and wrap his arm around you tighter.

“mmm, five more minutes babe, I don’t want to get up.” He said sleepily, and in a hushed tone.

“Angel, I want to get up now. I need some coffee.” You said as you unwrapped yourself from him, and got up.

Tom made grabby hands at you like a child, while trying to persuade you to stay in bed.

“Babyyyy, cuddle with me right now.” He pouted, but you only shook your head.

“Sorry love, I’ll see you downstairs.” You said as you walked out of the bedroom and made your way downstairs for breakfast.

Harrison had made everyone pancakes, something that he did frequently. Pancakes always made your stomach hurt so you never ate them, and today would be no different. You grabbed a bowl from the cupboard and grabbed a box of cereal from the counter.

Harrison, who was sat at the table, sighed as he watched you make something else to eat for yourself.

“You know, why don’t you ever eat any of my pancakes?” He asked, while taking a bite of his pancake.

“I’ve told you before, they make my stomach hurt. And also, I don’t think that they should crunch the way they do. I didn’t know egg shells were your secret ingredient.” You joked, but Harrison didn’t take it that way.

“Well then I’d like to see you make something better then.” He huffed, grabbing his breakfast and leaving to eat in the living room.

“Damn, what a jerk.” You muttered under your breath as you were preparing your coffee.

“You know, we’re getting tired of your shit remarks.” The voice came from the other end of the room, and you looked up to see Harry leaning against the wall. He had his arms crossed and was glaring at you. He paused a minute before continuing to speak. “At least Harrison is actually doing something for once, unlike you. You literally do nothing and complain the most.” He remarked.

You sighed loudly and set down your cup of coffee on the counter. “Geez, I wonder what crawled up all of your asses this morning. I was only joking with Harrison. It’s not my fault he took it the wrong way.” You said while standing by the kitchen island, taking bites of your cereal.

Harry was furious with you, and everything you did was starting to grow on his nerves. How you always left dirty cups in the sink, how you never wanted to help with the chickens, or how you didn’t even want to help clean the house. Since you were living here, he figured that you would make yourself useful, but instead he, along with everyone except Tom, saw you as a hindrance.

“You know, we’ve all had it with you. No one even wants you around anymore. Hell, we wish you could just fly back home so that we wouldn’t have to live with you any longer.” He stated as he left the room after hitting you with that.

You stood there flabbergasted, allowing the words that Harry said to you to hang in the air.

You admit, you haven’t been the best house guest, but you were upset that you were stuck in a foreign country, without any of your family or friends. You were worried about their safety and hoped to god that they were okay, and you weren’t sure how long you would go without seeing them. It could be months, even a year until you would be cleared to go back home, and that was a harsh realization.

Being this depressed, you haven’t wanted to get up and do any chores. It was a chore to even get out of bed every day, and it was becoming a chore to shower regularly. You listened to loud music to drown out the thoughts in your head, hoping and praying that you wouldn’t think about the scary thoughts that crossed your mind all. the. damn. time.

It probably never crossed their minds that you were becoming depressed, and you didn’t want to spill the beans now. The boys still didn’t know a lot about you, and you were intent on keeping a few things a secret from them. Tom didn’t even notice you were upset, and you didn’t want to tell him. He was being kind enough to let you stay here, so you didn’t want to throw it up in his face.

Nobody seemed to notice that you weren’t your usual self, but then again, they didn’t know your usual self. They didn’t know that your nickname was ‘little miss sunshine’ because you were always smiling, but recently, you haven’t been living up to that nickname.

You continued to stand there long after Harry had left, but you couldn’t react, you were far too numb to react. The only thought running through your mind was “well, what if I’m someone I don’t want around.”

You felt nauseous, as though you were about to have a panic attack. You grounded yourself by holding onto the counter as you took a deep breath in, exhaling while counting to eight. Your therapist taught you this technique, and it did work.

You emptied the cereal into the garbage, poured the coffee down the drain, and loaded your cup and bowl into the dishwasher. That’ll show them that you actually can do something, you thought. You quietly unlocked the front door and put your shoes on, and one of Tom’s jackets, and stepped outside quietly so that no one would notice that you were gone. Well actually, nobody would care that you were gone either, you thought to yourself.

When you got really stressed, you found solace in taking a walk. So you headed down the pavement and towards the corner of the block, and crossed the street.

Once you were a few blocks away, you realised you didn’t have your phone on you. You were too upset to think about grabbing it. Not wanting to turn back around, you just kept walking further and further away from the boys’ residence.

You presumed that thirty minutes had passed, and you looked up to realise that you were lost. The streets looked less and less familiar, and you had never seen any of these businesses before. You felt a pang in your chest and realised that you had definitely fucked up. Now you were lost and you had no way of contacting Tom to come get you, or had any idea which way you came from so you could retrace your steps.

It began to pour as you walked around some more, trying to think about which direction you came from. You looked up to see a red phone booth, and hoped to god that it actually worked. You went inside to shelter yourself from the rain, and after shaking the rain off of you, you picked up the phone, and to your surprise you heard the dial tone. You rummaged around in Tom’s pockets and found about three pounds worth of 10p coins, and you were so happy that he carried it around with him.

Okay, now you just have to remember his number, how hard can that be? You thought to yourself as you raked your brain, hoping to have it magically come to you. You knew the first three numbers, and but you couldn’t remember the rest. You searched Tom’s pockets to see if maybe it was on something, and sure enough, when he went to Tesco last month, he used his reward membership, and his number was printed clearly on the receipt. You did a little happy dance as you stuck 60p into the coin slot and dialed the number.

God I hope he answers, you thought as the phone rang and rang.

——

While you were trying to figure out Tom’s number, Tuwaine was the first to notice that you were gone. He saw that the door was unlocked, and he distinctly remembered locking it before he went to bed last night. He knew Tom was home because he saw him walk to the kitchen, and he was just playing with the guys, so he figured it had to have been you who left.

Tom noticed that he didn’t see you on his way to the kitchen, but he presumed you were with the guys. He would find you after breakfast, since you owed him some cuddles, he thought to himself. He didn’t seem to be worried, but he became worried when he saw Tuwaine rushing into the kitchen.

“Hey did your girlfriend go to the shops or something? She’s the only person not here and she left the front door unlocked.” Tuwaine said as Tom began to choke on his breakfast.

“She didn’t tell me she was leaving, and her phone was still on the nightstand just a few minutes ago.” He downed his breakfast tea and got up from his seat.

“Where could she have gone to? I know (y/n) only leaves without saying anything when she’s upset. This means something, or someone, prompted her to leave. What fucker said or did something to make her upset, hmm? Was it Harrison? Sam? Harry? You, even?” He inquired, his jaw was tight and he was visibly turning red.

“Relax mate, it wasn’t me. I just noticed that she was gone, that’s all.” Tuwaine said in a calm tone, in hopes of easing Tom’s fears and hoping to calm him down. “Maybe she just went for a short walk to clear her head, I wouldn’t worry too much.” He said, but Tom stormed past him and towards the living room.

“Alright you little shits, which one of you did or said something to make my girlfriend run off? Hmm?” He exclaimed as he ran into the living room where the boys were playing FIFA.

The boys didn’t say anything, but Harrison and Harry exchanged glances, which only caused Tom to become even more furious.

“I swear to god I will unplug the console and throw it out the goddamn window if you don’t answer me right now!” He screamed, slamming his fist down on the coffee table to try to get the boy’s attention.

“Fuck dude it was Harrison and I, okay? Don’t kill us, alright? She came into the kitchen in a shit mood and made a rude remark about how Harrison can’t cook worth shit, and then I said that I wish she didn’t live with us. I mean, come on! She doesn’t even contribute around here!”

Tom stood there fuming, ready to strangle his little brother.

“Why the fuck would you say something like that? That’s awful. She’s staying here because she can’t go back home due to the fucking plague, Harry, the plague!” He threw his hands up in the air dramatically, as he began to pace the room.

“She doesn’t have her phone on her, I have no idea where she is and you twats told her to leave! Fucking hell, where could she be?” He asked as he was now pacing around the room frantically.

“I don’t know, but I’m enjoying the quiet.” Harry said as he let out a small laugh.

“That’s it, you’re dead.” Tom said with a straight face as he began to approach Harry at the couch. Harry then jumped up and threw his hands up in the air to surrender, but Tom was still furious.

“Okay if you don’t kill me I’ll help you find (y/n) okay? I promise and I’ll apologize so much and I’ll become her personal servant for the whole month and just please don’t kill me.” He squeaked out the last part, backing up so he could get away from Tom and nearly falling backwards onto the coffee table.

Tuwaine and Sam held back Tom as he raised a fist in the air, trying to squirm out of their grasp so he could punch Harry in the face. He deserves it, he thought. You could be anywhere and that scared Tom more than ever. He started to assume the worst, but he shook his head as he just crumbled to the floor, crying. He was sobbing into his hands, as he feared that he may have lost you, forever.

You didn’t tell Tom that you were becoming depressed, but he noticed that you didn’t seem like yourself recently. You didn’t want to have early morning cuddles anymore, and you didn’t smile as much as you used to. He knew how hard it was on you to not be around your family at a difficult time like this. Yesterday he had overheard your conversation with your mom over the phone saying how much you missed them, and it hurt him inside that he can’t really help. So he tried to cheer you up in many different ways. He would often send Harrison to the shops to get your favourite ice cream, and would offer to cuddle with you and watch movies when he had a chance. He was trying to be there for you, but his imbecile brothers ruined it.

The guys looked down on Tom, crouching down to hold him as he was sobbing and letting out small hiccups. Harrison and Harry looked at each other, knowing that they snapped at you for no good reason. Yes, they were annoyed with you, but they definitely overstepped when they wished you weren’t around anymore. Guilt built up in their stomachs as they saw how upset Tom was over you. They may find you a tad aggravating, but they knew that Tom didn’t see you that way.

“We’re sorry, we shouldn’t have said those things to her. We were just annoyed, but we also forgot how hard it must be on her right now.” Harry said as he continued to hold Tom. “We’ll help you look for her, yeah? Let’s hop in the car and drive around, hoping that we’ll see her walking. Besides, since everything’s closed, she can’t be at too many places. We can eliminate the mall, the parks and most of the shops and restaurants. It’ll be easy to find her.” He said, trying to get Tom to calm down a bit.

“Okay, let’s do that.” Tom snuffed as he was helped up by the boys.

As they were throwing on their jackets, Tom’s phone began to rang. It was an unknown number, but the location said ‘London’. He was hoping, praying that it was you, so he answered it.

“Hello, who is it?” He asked, holding his breath as he heard a sob on the other end of the line. “Hello?” Tom said again, as the voice on the other end said “Tom, it’s me. I’m in a red telephone booth. I didn’t even know they had those anymore and I’m lost and I need you to come get me now please.” You rambled into the phone, as Tom let out a sign of relief.

“Okay love, stay on the phone with me, alright? Tell me what you see around you and I’ll come find you. You need to be specific, can you read any of the street signs from where you are?” He asked, but you couldn’t. You weren’t wearing your glasses so you could barely read the small text inside the telephone booth.

“No I can’t read it, it’s too far away. But I’m right in front of a store called “that vintage shop”. You stated, hoping that Tom had heard of it before.

“Hold on, I’m telling Harrison to put it into maps so we can get you, okay?”

Harrison quickly put it into his phone and showed Tom where you were, and you were four miles away from the house.

“Love you really did take a long walk, you’re very far away but I promise I’m coming to get you, alright? So stay on the line with me and whatever you do, do not leave the phone booth. Can you promise me that?” He pleaded into the phone, and you said “I promise. I’m sorry, Tommy.”

“It’s okay darling, I’m just glad you’re alright. Please don’t ever do this again. If something, or someone-” he stopped to glare at the boys “is bothering you, you need to tell me first, angel.”

“Okay.” was all you could say, as you let out more sobs.

“Don’t cry love, I’ll be right there. It’ll only take us a few minutes to drive there.” He tried to reassure you, but you just began to cry even more.

The boys hopped into the car and went on their way to find you. Tom kept you on the line as he made you promise to never do that again, and told you over and over how much you meant to him.

You were so grateful for him, and you didn’t know what you would do without him. He’s been so loving, and you were massively in love with him. You didn’t tell him that, but it was hard not to fall in love with his sweet and caring personality.

He made you feel safe, even if you were standing in an old telephone booth in a foreign country. At that moment, you knew you had to keep him around forever.

You saw the car pull up to the curb, and Tom hurriedly rushed out of the car to get to you. You got out of the phone booth as Tom wrapped you in a tight embrace, slightly swaying as he continued to hold onto you.

You started crying and so did he, as he whispered in your ear saying “please don’t do that again, okay? I never want to let you go.” He paused for a minute and then said “I love you.” You quickly told him you loved him too as you began to kiss him in the pouring rain.

The boys watched from inside the car, and after a while you and Tom made your way back to the car. He opened the door for you to get in, and immediately the boys were talking over each other and apologizing profusely.

“Listen I’m so sorry, I promise we’ll never say anything like that again. We’re proud of you for at least putting your cup in the dishwasher before you ran off.” Harry said as tears were brimming in his eyes.

“What he said. We hope you can forgive us.” Harrison added, as you nodded your head yes.

“I can forgive you. Now please, let’s go back to your house, I’m freezing.” You said as Tom took off the jacket he was wearing to give to you.

“No, let’s go back to our house.” Harrison said as he began to drive back home to your house.

——

A/N: hi, I definitely made myself cry while writing this. If you have any requests or want to be added to the tag list please let me know! 💛

Mes petits anges: @starkissedholland @scarletxwidow @fangirlwithasweettooth

#tom holland imagine #tom holland imagines #tom holland angst #tom holland x you #tom holland x reader #tom holland blurb #tom holland #soft boyfriend Tom #tom holland writing #tom holland fluff #tom holland fanfic #tom holland fanfics #tom holland x female reader #tom holland one shot #tom holland one shots #mine #text #tom holland and you #tom holland and y/n

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sugarmaplewings-fics · 4 years ago

Text

Milkshakes and Existential Contemplation

Pairing: Kirishima x reader

Warnings: A single no-no word, tooth rotting fluff, dairy consumption (???), sleep deprived chats, and maybe some cold nostalgia

Author’s Note:

Hello! This is the promised Kirishima birthday fic I’ve been looking forward to since fOrEvEr (and it’s also taken me forever to write, goodness).

I’ll pretend like it isn’t wildly obvious that I wrote this during wildly different moods and levels of sleep deprivation.

Huge thank you and shout out to my buddies @sasha-annelie-quinn and @izzinks for helping me get this fic out on time! Especially Izzy, go check out her blog. She’s got some amazing original art! The ending was her idea :)

Not much to say other than Happy birthday, Kirishima! He’s undeniably my personal best boi and I love him with all my heart <3

Anyways, I hope you enjoy!

-Sugar

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Eijirou knew he was in for quite a night when he awoke to your dark form hanging over him. Your hands gripped his shoulders from your stance at the side of his bed, and it took him a moment to even register that it was, in fact, you.

“(Y/N)? What time is it?” He yawned and rolled to his side, tugging his camo-print blanket over his shoulder. “Do you need cuddles again?” His voice made it evidently clear how deep a sleep he’d just come out of.

“Nah. It’s like—two AM? I don’t know, I was just thinking to myself and stuff and then it hit me that today is a very important day.”

“. . . It’s nighttime.”

You rolled your eyes in the dark. “Yeah, buuuut, it’s also your birthday! Yay!”

Kirishima ran a hand over his face, wondering if/when he would be able to go back to sleep. “Yep. It’s my birthday.”

You ignored the less-than-enthused tone in his voice. “I better have been the first person to wish you a happy birthday. You know, on your birthday. You didn’t get any phone calls yet or anything?”

“Nope. You’re the first.”

“Yeah!” You pumped your fist in the air.

“Is that what you wanted?" he asked. "Because I’ve got a pretty good idea of what I would like as my first present.” Eijirou shuffled over a bit to make more room for you, lifting the blanket next to him. “Snuggles with my pebble.”

You paused at his proposition, looking into the shadowy abyss that was Kirishima’s bed. There was a part of you that wanted to curl up in his warm arms, falling together with him into the realm that is sleep. You could already feel the kisses he’d leave on your cheeks, whispering broken ‘good night’s and ‘I love you’s as you drifted off. But no, you had something a little different in mind.

“Actuallyyy,” you said, drawing out the word. “I was wondering if you wanted to go on a little date.”

Kirishima furrowed his eyebrows together in the dark. “Like . . . right now?”

“Yeah.”

“. . . where?”

“I was thinking Denny’s. You know how it’s got that certain vibe right about now? It’ll be like we’re stepping into a whole other world.”

Kirishima looked at your shadowy face. It was clear that you were almost as tired and sleep deprived as him, and your brain probably wasn’t all there. A part of him could recognize that he wasn’t exactly being himself either due to his cut-off sleep. He wasn’t as peppy as usual (though, to be honest, who is at this hour of the morning?). However, Kirishima had to admit that he was intrigued by the idea. You had both discussed this concept once a few weeks ago while you were scheming date ideas. He’d thought it sounded fun at the time, but he certainly hadn’t expected it tonight.

“If you really don’t want to, we don’t have to,” you said, growing a little anxious at his lack of response. “I just thought it could be something different that we could do together.”

Eijirou sighed quietly to himself, considering. It was Friday night—no, Saturday morning—so it wasn’t as though you had classes in a few hours. He peeled the blanket off himself and sat up, rubbing at the back of his head. “Why not? Let’s go.”

“Yayyyyy!” you lowered your voice to a stage whisper, watching as he got up and fumbled around for his crocs and a pair of pants.

It was then that he looked to you. “Were you wanting to get dressed first?”

He’d noticed your choice to keep on your pajama pants, baggy and sweeping just at your ankles. These were your favorites—sinfully fuzzy and comfortable and absolutely adorable.

“This is my fashion statement,” you said, all serious.

Eijirou shrugged. “Cool.”

He opened his door for you, exaggerating a bow as he let you through. You feigned importance, nodding and curtseying at his gesture. The two of you giggled as Kirishima quietly shut the door behind himself.

“We have to be really quiet,” you whispered, taking out your phone and turning on the flashlight. You padded down the hall with Kirishima in tow, making your way to the stairs. It wasn’t long before you were at the door on the ground level, finding your own shoes while Eijirou slid on his crocs. You double checked that you had your bag containing your wallet around your shoulder before sidling up to Kirishima and intertwining his hand with yours.

“Isn’t this exciting?” you asked, grinning at him.

“Yeah, this is crazy.”

You giggled and opened the door, grateful that there wasn’t an alarm system.

The night air hit your skin deliciously, flooding your lungs as you inhaled. A chill October breeze ruffled your hair, and a light spattering of gooseflesh arose on your arms. You started down the sidewalk leading away from the Heights Alliance building, taking a moment to look up above you. Stars spattered the canvas of the night sky, and you found yourself enraptured by their profound beauty. Eijirou followed your gaze, looking from the diamond-studded tapestry of the atmosphere to its reflection in your soft, wide eyes.

“I can never get over how beautiful the world we live in is.”

Shit, why did you have to be so cute? Eijirou watched you gaze up at the sky for a few moments longer before you reached for his hand.

“Sorry,” you whispered. “I just love being out at night.”

Kirishima grinned. “Me too.”

You walked in the dark, hand in hand as you navigated to the local Denny’s. You’d been there before, but never as late as this. You’d especially never gone out alone with someone like Eijirou at such an hour. It was . . . beyond thrilling; wandering the chilled empty streets with none other than your beloved. It was as if you were the only two in existence—lost in a dream—and a part of you liked it that way.

Both you and Kirishima passed under a street lamp. You took the opportunity to get a good look at him in the yellow glow. His red hair was undone and framed his face in familiar spikes. The sight made you giddy, and you couldn’t help but reach up to touch him.

“Your hair looks so cute when it’s down like this. So soft.” You began to attempt to run your fingers through it when they found a slightly more tousled patch. “Ope, you’ve still got some bed-head there. My bedhead redhead. Heheheh.”

Kirishima snorted at your choice of words, letting you finger comb out the little tangle on the back of his scalp. “Um, thanks.”

One block later, you caught sight of a familiar yellow sign. You happily patted Kirishima’s arm. “We’re almost there!”

Now that he was up and moving around, Eijirou felt a little more awake. You had been right; he did almost feel as though he were in another world, being out so late. The streets were almost completely void of activity on this side of town, and street lamps lit warm pools of light onto the pavement to break up the darkness.

Eijirou walked you to the front entrance, pulling open the glass door for you to go in. You stood with him in the waiting area, and he let you lean against his arm while you watched for someone to come over and seat you.

Sure enough, a young man a few years your senior came around the counter. He looked from you to the screen of the device before him. “Just the two of you tonight?”

“Yeah,” Kirishima said.

Your waiter grabbed two menus and led you to a table in the back by a window. The only other person in there with you was an older man sitting at the other end of the restaurant. He looked just as half-asleep as the two of you were as he sipped at a mug of coffee.

Kirishima slid into the booth first, and you decided to sit down right next to him. He tenderly wrapped a warm arm around your shoulders and pulled you closer to his side. “So what were you thinking about getting?” he asked as the waiter walked off.

“It’s your birthday. You pick.”

“Oh, right.” Kirishima picked up one of the menus, thumbing through the laminated pages. “Do you want to split a milkshake? I’m not super hungry.”

“Ooh, that sounds good. What flavor should we get? Whatever you want.”

“Hmm.” The redhead next to you scanned over the kinds of ice cream listed. “How about . . . vanilla strawberry swirl?”

“Yummy.” You settled in closer beside him, letting his warmth envelop you. A wave of tiredness decided to settle onto your eyelids, and you fought to keep them from closing all the way. You had to admit to yourself that you were tired, but this was still something you’d wanted to do with your boyfriend for some time. You’d stay here chatting and enjoying yourselves, and then you’d go back to his room and cuddle until you fell asleep. That sounded so nice . . . .

The waiter came up to your table again, and it was only now that you realized that you were practically shoved up into Eijirou’s armpit. The sleepy haze that clouded your mind made you feel a little more lenient about your display of affection, but even so, you moved to straighten yourself.

“What’ll you have to drink?” he asked, taking out a small pad of paper.

“I don’t think we’ll need anything.” Kirishima looked to you to confirm. “We’re ready to order.” He placed his milkshake request and watched as the other man made his way back to the kitchen. “So.” Eijirou wrapped his arm around you again, pulling you back to your previous position. “Denny’s at an ungodly hour of the morning. Thoughts?”

“This is kind of a vibe,” you said, looking at all the empty tables bathed in fluorescent light. “It’s even weirder because I’m tired. Otherwise it would just be an empty restaurant.”

“It’s pretty neat,” Eijirou agreed, taking a look out the dark windows. It was nearly impossible to see out of them due to the bright light within the building.

“So how does it feel to be a whole year older?” you asked, adjusting yourself so you could look at his face.

“Um, the same, kinda? I don’t think I’ve changed all that much this past year.”

“Look at us,” you said. “Closer to being adults, to going pro and being heroes . . . . I’m kind of scared.”

“Scared? But isn’t it exciting too?”

“Of course, yeah.” You began to fiddle with one of the paper placemats, studying the color-printed image on it. It depicted one of the meals on the menu, and you let your eyes trace over every detail of it. “I guess the concept of being all grown up and independent is starting to hit me. There’s so much I don’t know yet.”

The redhead nodded at your musings. “We can be there for each other, you know. You shouldn’t ever have to feel like you’re on your own in everything.”

You hummed, examining the shading on a portion of rice depicted on the paper mat in front of you. “Are you thinking that we’d . . . still be together then? After we graduate?”

Kirishima flushed at your question. “I mean—I’d like to. It’s all a matter of time, but . . . .” He trailed off, unwilling to be so vulnerable yet to voice his visions.

“I’d love that too,” you said, hoping you hadn’t come across as implying that you wanted your relationship to be cut short after high school. “What’s your dream? A smaller one that’s beside the pro-hero one. What do you want our future to look like?”

Eijirou shrugged, tracing his fingertips down your arm. “I don’t know.”

“Oh, come on, of course you do,” you teased. “It’s alright. Just tell me about the thoughts that make you the happiest. I don’t care how realistic they might be. Let's just say we could do anything.”

Emboldened by your words, your boyfriend took a quick breath. “Maybe we could move in together some time. Be heroes by day and then come home and see each other. I’d like to wake up with you in my arms . . . every day.” His cheeks had flushed a bit at voicing his fantasy, avoiding your eyes in case you decided it sounded silly.

“That sounds wonderful,” you said, finally catching his crimson gaze with your own. His face melted into a sweet smile and he took hold of your hand in his, making a point of intertwining your fingers together.

The atmosphere around you felt a little strange. You were alone and yet so exposed at the same time. The man at the opposite end could glance over at any time. Your waiter could come back with your milkshake. And yet at the same time it felt as though it was just you and Kirishima, sharing your private musings.

“Do you ever miss being a kid?” you asked, turning to look out the inky black window.

Eijirou winced a bit, his expression growing a little distant and troubled at your words. This, however, went unnoticed by you, and you merely continued to mindlessly stroke at the side of his hand with your thumb. “I guess there are some parts I miss . . . ,” he began. “But I like who I am now a lot better.”

He hadn’t told you about the majority of his self views yet. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust you, he simply didn’t think you needed to know about that side of him. It was in the past and it didn’t matter anymore, right?

“I like how you are too, but like, the nostalgic stuff. You know—tv shows, games, people who you don’t talk to anymore. I still think about my Nintendogs and cry sometimes.”

Eijirou looked back at you. “For real?”

“Yeah,” you said. “They’re just . . . there. In the game. Waiting for me. And who knows if I’ll ever even put the game back in again?” You put your elbows on the table and your chin in your hands, letting your mind wander back to thoughts of them. An unexpectedly large wave of disproportionate sadness crashed into you, and it was as if you couldn’t think of anything else for a moment.

“Hey, are you good?” Eijirou asked.

“I don’t know.”

He put a hand on your back. “Do you still have your DS? You could show them to me sometime.”

Your focus shifted dramatically at his words. “Really?”

“Yeah, I’d like to see them.”

A little part of you began to buzz with an odd spike of happiness. You must have been really sleep-deprived to be feeling emotional like this.

Just then, your waiter came out of the kitchen with your milkshake. “There you are,” he said as he put it down in front of you. “Enjoy.”

It really did look good, in a tall clear glass with the vanilla ice cream swirled within stripes of pink strawberry.

“Would you like me to sing you Happy Birthday?” you asked.

“You don’t have to,” Kirishima said with a chuckle.

“You can’t stop me.” You took a breath and began to sing, quiet enough so the entire restaurant wouldn’t be disturbed by your volume, but obnoxious enough to pull some laughs from Eijirou. “‘Aight, go ahead,” you said, handing him a spoon.

He dipped it into the strawberry ice cream, catching some of the whipped cream on the end. You watched as he put it to his lips, grinning at the taste. You followed suit right after him, taking your own spoon and helping yourself.

The conversation shifted to a lighter-hearted one. The sleepy hum of exhaustion buzzing in the backs of your heads seemed to make everything funnier, and numerous times one of you would say something to make the other crack up. Even the dumbest things that weren’t even funny at all forced you to clap your hands over your mouths to keep the otherwise silent atmosphere around you as such.

You slowly made your way through your shake, occasionally changing it up by feeding each other spoonfuls of ice cream. Eijirou even had the audacity to deliberately get some on the tip of your nose, only to lean in and kiss it off of you himself.

“Tasty,” he remarked, pressing his forehead against yours. His voice suddenly dropped as he met your eyes. “I think I want more.”

As if you weren’t enough of a flustered mess already, he met his lips to yours. He tasted sweet, with remnants of the ice cream lingering on his mouth. You felt secluded in your booth in the back of the restaurant, but even so, a new thrill coursed through you. It was rare for the both of you to have such moments as these in public, and your heart sped even further as your spine pressed into the cushioned back of the seat.

Nothing too extreme happened, just three sweet pecks against your lips, but even so, you couldn’t help but flush a bit with these feelings of excitement and adoration for him.

A few minutes later, you had finished your ice cream and were ready to go. You went to the front and paid for the shake (it was your treat since it was his birthday, and he only protested for a brief minute about letting you pay). Eventually you were back outside in the cool night air, hand in hand as you walked back to the dorms. At this point, the two of you were about ready to crash, and you couldn’t wait to get back inside and fall asleep in each other’s arms.

Which is exactly what you did. Back in his room, you found yourself tucked snugly under his multi-colored blanket, face buried in his warm chest. The darkness was silent and peaceful, and now the weight of your eyelids pressed down tenfold. Your consciousness began to peter out, drifting from thought to thought, breaths deepening within your lungs.

Yet the same couldn’t be said for the man around you. His mind had decided to wander to something you’d said to him earlier, and now he couldn’t think of anything else. He couldn’t quite see your face in the absence of light, but he knew you were probably on the verge of sleep. He felt you shift around a bit in his arms, and that prompted him to speak up.

“(Y/N)?” he whispered.

“Hmm?”

“Um, you know how we were talking earlier about what we missed from being a kid?”

“Yeah?” Your voice was faint, only functioning because you wanted to hear what he had to say.

“Well I guess I . . . thought of something.”

“What’s that?”

Kirishima chose to ignore the slight slur in your voice, stroking the top of your head absentmindedly with his fingertips. “I miss . . . feeling safe. I was thinking about how when you’re a kid you don’t really know anything about what the world is really like. Your parents protect you and there isn’t anything you really need to worry about. The choices you make don’t change the lives of other people, you can just . . . be. We don’t—we can’t have that anymore.”

His words had stirred you awake, and now you were more intent on what he had said. He was right. Back then, there was almost no fear. You hadn’t needed to worry about villain attacks, or kidnappings, or saving the lives of others. Ignorance was bliss, and every day that sweet bliss seemed to slip further and further from being your reality anymore.

“You’re right,” you muttered, taking his large hand and beginning to fidget with his fingers. Your voice was now more solid, more focused and awake. “As heroes and adults, we need to take on more responsibility. The world isn’t a safe place.” You pulled his hand closer to your face, letting your lips graze his knuckles as you mused to the solid form in front of you. “Taking on this job . . . we had to give up on that. We have to bear a burden so others don’t have to. We chose this job to protect those people, to make sure no one else had to live in fear. The things we’ve had to go through, as a class and as a society—it sucks. But that’s simply how our world works now. We just need to do our best to correct it.”

Eijirou brought up his hand a bit to caress your cheek. You leaned into his touch, gazing into the space you assumed his scarlet eyes were staring back. You turned to press a kiss into the palm of his hand.

“I guess I do still feel safe sometimes, though,” he muttered, voice scarcely daring to break the silence of the room around you.

“Yeah?”

“I feel safe when I’m with you.”

Your breath caught in your throat as you grew flustered at his words. “Really?” you asked.

“Well, yeah.” Eijirou wrapped his arms around you again, pulling you back into his chest. He pressed a soft kiss to the top of your hair, pausing to inhale the faint smell of your shampoo.

“But you’re the one holding me,” you chuckled, gripping the front of his shirt loosely with your fingers.

“Yeah, and I love it. I feel safe.” He began to move a hand in circles over your back, the soothing motion causing you to relax even more into his touch. “Besides, it’s the manly thing to do.”

You giggled again, faint and drowsy. “You are manly. The manliest boyfriend I could ask for. But you don’t need to be manly all the time with me. You know I’d hold you at any time you needed it, right?”

He rested his chin on the top of your head. “Mm, but it’s my turn tonight.”

You rubbed at his back with your own hand. “Happy birthday, Eiji," you whispered into his ear. “I love you.”

“I love you too," he murmured back. "Thanks for being my Pebble. That’s the best gift I could have asked for.”

You smiled and hummed, the patterns you had been tracing onto his back growing ever lighter.

He chuckled to himself. “My sleepy Pebble.” He planted one last kiss at the top of your forehead. “Good night.”

“Goodbth nigh,” you responded, not bothering to fix the exhausted yet contented slur in your voice.

He hugged you tight and let his eyes drift closed. His birthday had hardly even started yet, but it was already turning out to be his best one yet.

══════✮❁•°♛°•❁✮ ══════

There’s a bonus part to this too! Find it here!

Taglist: @basicaegyo @iiminibattlehero @katsugay @nabo39 @pyrofanatic @sendhelpimstupid @sokkasangel @xoxopam4 @aahilovetheatre @heartpaw12 @todoroki-waifu

#GUYS I AM S O F T #eijirou kirishima #kirishima eijirou #kirishima bnha #eijirou kirishima bnha #kirishima imagine #eijirou kirishima imagine #kirishima eijirou imagine #kirishima x reader #eijirou kirishima x reader #kirishima eijirou x reader #bnha x reader #mha x reader #reader insert #sugar fics

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yamithediaperdork · 4 years ago

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Two kinks, One love. (Soul eater)

Two Kinks one love

It was just after sun set, but in Death city two boys were about to engage in a very out of the norm date by any stretch of the imagination. They had run into each other while out and about, indulging in their respective fetishes late one night and while both had been shocked, they had also quickly fallen hard for each other.

The first Boy was the son of Lord death, the slightly prissy but kind hearted Death the kid. he'd been wearing his favorite black dress which came down to just above his knees and had been wearing pantyhose too of course, like a proper lady. Black high highs that he could run in without pause and a black purse, his make up had been spot on and he looked fabulous and knew it. It was the worst kept secret that the son of lord death was a trap, but most people just pretended not to notice because either they didn't care, thought he was MUCH nicer in girlie mode or well, who wants to piss him off? The second boy was in a small group of those who didn't know Kid prefer to be a sexy trap, though that was because he was busy with his only little fetish wear love. He was Black star, a legend in the making (if you listened to him) And he was also a goo goo gaga big baby. The night they met he'd been going on a waddle of shame and had been in 3 thick diapers that puffed out the crotch and butt of his black diaper shirt and blue short-all's (that of course, had his trademark sign on the front pocket.) He'd also been sporting blue sneakers with black laces that lit up in the back as he went for his once around the block waddle of shame and it had been by chance (or maybe fate) that the two had stumbled onto each other.

Black had been rounding the corner, after almost going into a late night shop for ice cream but then recalling he had left his wallet at home so no one could id him. (Silly when you consider how well he stood out and his instance on making sure everyone knew him..but it was a well know fact putting diapers on a big baby reduces logic by 40 percent.) In any case, he knew his store credit was tapped out and decided to call it a night. looking back at the shop he wasn't paying attention to where he was going and bumped into a pretty lady sending them both down to the ground. "Oh Gosh! I-I'm Sorry!" Black whined, trying to scamper but but the bulk around his hips made that a bit harder then normal. "I wasn't paying attention to where I was.." And Black trailed off as he looked down and recognized in a instant the face of the 'lady' he had bumped into, Kid! "heh..It's ok Little guy." Kid said, eyes narrowing in on the padded crotch. "Little boys like you shouldn't be out here along. where's your mommy?" Black gulped BIG time at that, He had always loved the idea of having a mommy for his diaper adventures but was gay as could be..and suddenly a obvious solution he had never thought of had just bumped into him.

Kid himself had been soaking in the semi attention and had let his gaze drift, looking at a dress on display in a store shop window and so had been just as responsible for the collision as the little guy. Looking up and seeing Black dressed like a over sized un-potty trained toddler Kid almost had little hearts in his eyes. if there was one thing he loved more then being a hot little trap walking the town.. it was being a good mommy dom. Sadly his picks for big babies in the city had been limited to Liz Thompson due to her cry baby ways. it wasn't that the older Thompson didn't make a good baby (she did, very much so) it was more that due to her doing it by request not want she could be difficult at times. But here in front of him dressed perfectly on his own free will.. Meow~ "well, I asked you a question little star~" Kid said getting up and smiling ear to eye and then dusting Black off first then himself. "I..I don't..have..a mommy..Miss Kid" Black said, blushing and poking two fingers together. "Do you want one?" Kid asked and winked. "YESH! I-I Mean..if that's ok with yo-" And Black was silenced as Kid kissed the baby on the lips.

From then on Black had been mommies little guy and despite some of the challenges involved (read: Black's mega poopie diapers) neither of them had looked back on it, and while they both wanted it to be a more 24/7 thing they both knew realistically with their duties and responsibilities that just wasn't possible. Besides, while Kid was more or less out in the open, Black was mostly unknown as a public diaper boy having kept his adventure to around his block. He wasn't ready for EVERYONE to know his favorite place to make boom boom was in the seat of his pants.

But tonight was date night, and it was Kid's turn to host. truthfully either place would of done for their in house date nights butttt Black's place had a funk to it that wasn't from the diaper pail the big baby maintained and more from his poor cleaning habits. Kid had taken the guest room of his place and turned it into any big baby boys dream nursery (and Black had been clear, he was a baby BOY..Mommy might be able to pull a dress off but not him.) and held out hope that one of these days Black would finally take him up on the offer to move in. Their friends knew they were dating of course (just not all the fun details) so it wasn't like that was holding them back. Kid was jolted out of that train of thought as his door bell rang and before he went to answer it he stopped and checked his reflection in a full body mirror. He had gone with a stepford house wife dress for tonight, reaching down past his knees and in a white with pink floral print on it and had a white apron on over it. he was wearing a pair of white socks tugged up high and a pair of pink flat heels and have a pair of pearl earrings in. a light bit of make up was on, some eye linger, lipstick and blush, and he smiled at his reflection and blew a little kiss as the doorbell rang again. "Best not keep the baby waiting darling." he scolded himself and walked to the door with a soft clip clap from his shoes on the hard wood floor. answering the door Kid was a little disappointed (though not shocked) to see that Black had come over in jean's and a t-shirt, though he'd brought his 'diaper' bag so to speak and had it slung over a shoulder. it was of course really just a tote bag but Kid made sure to refer to it as such as while he had loads of supplies, he made sure that Black would bring his own ba-ba and first diaper(s) to help him get used to carrying his baby gear around in public. (and maybe just a tiny bit to try and drive home if Black lived with kid, he wouldn't have to lug the stuff around) "There's my little guy~" Kid coo'ed and smiled, loving how bright the boys cheeks lit up when he was the one dressed like a 50's house wife. Standing to the side he gestured for Black to come in. "well come on, are you gonna stand there and squirm looking at mommy till you have a accident or come in and get di-" Kid started but Black let out a soft yelp and dashed in the house. "..works every time." Kid chuckled and waved to a neighbor who had been watching with quiet amusement then shut the door.

Black was squirming and huffy as he waited for mommy in the living room, having made sure to slid his sneakers off. "I wish you wouldn't do that." he sulked as mommy came into view. That wasn't exactly the strictest of truths.. he didn't wanna be a outed big baby but mommies teasing had a small part of him all excited "Mhmmm.. I know you hate it sooo much.." Kid teased and eyed the front of Black's tight pants that gave him away. "Come on little man, let's get you in a nice thick diapie before you piddle all over mommies floor again." Kid coo'ed and coming in close, tickled onto Black's chin and made the boy squirm and giggle even as he tried to huff. "Mommmmmmyyyy! that was ONE time!" He whined, hating/loving how small and little Kid could make him feel with a few well chosen words and just a chin tickle. "And that one time too many. Come along now." Kid coo'ed and gently took the little guy by the wrist, leading him to the nursery. "Did you pack one of your super thick diapies like a good boy? or does mommies have to use one of the ones we have here?" Black whined and squirmed. he had SORTA kinda maybe been trying to just bring thin diapers over here..not because he wanted thin but well mommy had SO many thick ones here and he only had about 5 left and was trying to save his. Sadly for the little rascal mommy had figured him out and loved to tease. "I uh..well..see.." Black started up. "That's what i thought. you know, not to beat a dead horse but if you moved in you could have ALL the massive diapies you could want little man. I'll order anther pack and have them ship it to your place tomorrow though. just food for thought." Black star nodded and just let mommy take control, knowing that mommy knew best.

The nursery had baby blue walls with some silly chibi ninja's painted on them here and there fighting chibi monsters and the floor was covered with a plush cream white rug so if the baby lost his balance he wouldn't hurt his tush on the floor. (Of course with the thickness o0f Black's diapers it wasn't likely to happen but hey, Kid paid for all of this so he was allowed to justify it as he saw fit.) there was a wooden crib that had been made to order so could handle a bigger babies weight and left the little guy lots of room to play in by one wall, and it had been painted light black by black's request. (the little guy had wanted to help paint it but Kid had foreseen the mess THAT would of ended with and had told a little fib that the builders insisted on painting it themselves.) there was a cream white colored changing table, again made to order and had a black cushioned top those the cover was waterproof and made for easy clean up in the event of leaks. It also had a set of drawers on the side that held the different baby powders, rash creams and of course diapers that Kid's big baby had picked out one night in Kid's lap squealing and giggling. 'I'm gonna make him a spoiled rotten brat.' Kid mused briefly. 'ah well..he'll be MY spoiled rotten brat.' Adding to the spoiled brat theory was the MASSIVE toy chest that even as big as it was couldn't be fully shut from just how many toys little Black had, and there was a shelf built on a wall filled with nursery tale and story tale books. Of course one of the most important parts of the nursery had actually been the cheapest..it was a large metal diaper pail that Kid had stenciled 'BLACK STAR' onto and helped keep his little man's nursery smelling like baby powder and love instead of poopie diapers.

"You strip down like a good boy sweetie while mommy goes and picks out something adorable for you to wear..unless you wanna just go in your diapies tonight." Kid said and smirked. "IIIII um..yeah..just diapies sounds good ta me..we're gonna eat soon anyways and then you'll hafa just strip me down after anyways mommy." "oh how true! such a clever baby I have!" Kid coo'ed and more chin tickles. "I guess i can help the silly big baby strip then." Black squirmed and nodded, and then just relaxed and followed orders as Mommy would tell him to raise his arms or the like while 'she' got him undressed, getting him down to his his little ghoulies briefs.(Little Ghoulies of course being Black's favorite toddler show) "oh my.. Somebody either been having accidents or just isn't very good at wiping!" Kid teased, clicking his touge as he looked at the large brown stains in the back of the undies. "and I JUST got these for you last week little man." "S-Sorry Mommy. I um..I just.. I had some not farts an-" Black mewed and pointed his index fingers together. "Shhh it's ok. I knew what I was getting into when I brought a big baby big kid undies. though maybe we better start looking into some pull ups for when your playing big boy." Kid coo'ed and kissed Black's cheek, making him tent out his briefs and shushing any argument, at least for the moment. hooking his thumbs in the waist band he tugged the undies down with one smooth practiced monition and then took a step back and clapped his hands and gestured towards his widdle boy. "Come on, walk out of your stinky undies and over to mommy~" "Yesh mama.." Black gurgled and Kid almost melted as he did so, with arms outstretched. 'it's official. i am the god damn luckiest mommydom trap in the world.' Kid mentally gushed and then helped the big baby up onto the changing table. sure the little guy smelled a little and had a few poo stains on his cheeks, but Kid figured with them having a whole night together he could just give the little guy a bath after din din. "Nowww what kinda diaper does my widdle guy want on, aside from thick. Baby blocks? Space ships? zoo print?" Kid asked tickling Black's tummy and black giggled and coo'ed. "Ummm All three!" he said and giggled more. "oh, somebody want to crawl tonight hmmm? Maybe after your bath sweetie. for now we'll go with baby blocks." Kid chuckled. "Awwww..dun want a bath! I smell nice and sweet!" Black pouted and then to prove his point raised his left arm up and took a whiff of his pit..and coughed. "Then again..Mommy knows best." "mmmhmm. and don't you forget it~" Kid chuckled.

With baby black padded and a sucking on a white mouth guard paci that was attached to a black cord hanging around his neck (kid couldn't very well use a shirt clip if the little guy wasn't gonna wear a shirt after all.) he helped the baby down and then got out five toys for black to play with, though they were Black's choice as Kid would pick them out one at a time and hold them up for a head nod or shake. Black meanwhile suckled away and enjoyed the sight of mommy's butt when he bent over, sometimes mommies dress would ride up a little and ALMOST maybe give a peek at what kinda panties he was wearing. It didn't really bug Black that while Kid saw him naked and in his 'undies' most of the time, Black could count on one hand the amount of times he'd seen Kid's Bra and panties. that just wasn't the kinda relationship they had, though then did find ways to make love in their own fashion. Finally picking out a stuffed bear in a tux, a green and purple dragon stuffie, a stereo type bed-sheet ghost stuffie, a teddy in a suit of armor and finally a tiger stuffie he started to play with them, mumbling around his paci and making drool go down his chin. Kid watched mentally gushing and while he wished he could hear the cute little adventure that was being played out as Black loved to narrate, it was worth it to hear him mumbling around his paci. he could of stood there watching for hours honestly but the front door rang and he sighed, why of ALL the nights had his usual delivery place had to of lived up to it's 30 minutes or under delivery time? "Din din's here buddy, can you put your toys away and come meet mommy in the kitchen while he goes and pays?" Kid asked, patting Blacks head. Black whined a little and mumbled something, then sighed like ALL of the worlds problems were on him and nodded.

getting to the front door Kid opened it without checking and found himself looking face to face with soul. "Alright ma'am i got a order of...of..Kid?! Kid is that you?!" Soul asked, being anther one of the rare people not to know about the trap. "uh..yeah.. " kid said and blushed then smiled. "anyways, my order?" "I..oh wow. heh. I didn't know you and black were this kinky! wait, is he a little sissy too?" soul asked. "I believe it's none of your business. now can you ple-" Kid started, but then a loud "MOMMY! I SLIPPED COME KISS MY BOO BOO'S BETTER !!" was heard from the living room and Kid facepalmed while soul laughed. "you know what, I think i got a pretty good idea.. Mommy." Soul chuckled, and took the money he was offered for the food and tipped the hat of his delivery uniform. "You and your widdle one have a good supper Ma'am." he said and then took off. "..Hoo boy..this isn't gonna be fun to explain." Kid thought as he closed the door.

The end.

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yuvon-writes-letters · 3 years ago

Note

Hey guys,

Yu, Rai and both Jakes.

Actually..If I talk about my feelings I'm pretty well. Don't tell Jake I said that, but I couldn't be happier about our situation. I mean, we can talk again. Without me being kidnapped and finding a weird Tumblr profile of him. (Which we think was a set up by one of the entities of my world since he obviously doesn't have one. Jake thinks it was goldies doing, I on the other hand don't believe that. Don't ask me why, but it feels like goldie wouldn't do that. And it didn't help me either but only made problems. I was distracted because I was writing the profile (you read it, right Yu? I don't know about the others) and angry. Like, really angry.)

Putting that aside, Jake called me, like he promised :) And it was the longest phone call I had for some time. Most of the time I talked and he didn't get distracted once, just listened to me and everything that happened. And then he started cursing, which is kind of understandable. He apologised for being into stasis. And for this other version from before the 'time setting back' thing. Because I don't find a name I'll call it TSB from now on.

The only problem I have now is going to work, I guess I'll take me some vacation...But at least I'm not as scared of the raven-ass anymore. I mean, I still am, but in the moment I know his steps. And I am not alone.

Jake, I intentionally write the next part in red, please don't read it. That's for Yu.

I know you think that Jake sees you as a threat. If it still is like you wrote in the letter. Jake knows that, too and he doesn't like it. You know him better than I do, of course, but without saying too much...I think it's quite the opposite. Talk to him about that. Even though it's probably not the best circumstances I think he enjoys being with you :)

The next part, purple (damn, I need more coloured pens), is for you Jake.

You already told me that you don't like that Yu thinks you see her as a threat. I only have to say one thing, if it still is like that, talk to her about it. Earlier than later.

The new thoughts about the blood ritual are really interesting. But please don't put yourself in this danger (or not, but I think it's understandable what I mean?) if it isn't necessary. But I also agree with Rai, I thought the same thing for a while. That you desired having someone, Jake, with you. It sounds plausible.

What more was there...Wait, let me reread the letters.

Oh yeah, Rai! One, till now my crow crew seems to still be in stasis (Jake realised that now, too) and two..Please try to take care of your health, yeah? I'm worried for you.

Lis🐾🔥

Ps. Damn...I'm writing this exactly when I wanted to leave the house (I mean, I sadly cannot hide my face forever).

Two new things...I got a message. I mean, it was a threat (because I am the obviously the bad girl that kidnapped Hannah), but I don't care. Maybe that means the stasis is slowly dissolving!

But number 2...I didn't get the vacation. My boss called me almost immediatly. "Under no circumstances [a word is blacked out] Liska. We have July and Alice, Tim and Jenny all want to take free time, too. You are one of our best workers and we can't afford you leaving now. You have no children so you have to wait. Also Max told me that you don't have any problems in family."

So long story short: He wants me to be there tomorrow. Argh, if he would pay me like he's talking that would awesome. And I'll kill Max when I see him next time. (My cousin that thought it was fun to try and steal my work so we both got the rank of 'one of the best workers'. The only problem: Max' title is official. -.- Overall, I'm so much more annoyed than some time earlier. Maybe I should ask Jake for help

Lis,

Okay, the Crow Crew drama is fading a bit, so I'll answer this now. Sorry if I seem disjointed at all, I'm probably going to be going back and forth from conversations to this letter a lot. I can't afford to have them all think I'm compromised, I need to focus on getting out of here and I don't want to deal with their pressure on top of everything else.

Yeah, I don't think the Tumblr profile was Goldie either. Goldie seems to try to be very much a "hands off" sort of entity, like my own. The Tumblr profile thing seems a little out of character for at least my Jake. At least, publicly answering your submission certainly was, though he may have panicked since you sent it in on anon and answered publicly without really thinking about it. I guess I could see him having a Tumblr profile for purposes of following people on social media and watching what they post, though. And then deciding he likes the media and posting a little bit of impersonal things that can't lead back to him. Probably my Jake will say something about that when I hand this letter over to him, stay tuned.

Yeah, I at least read some of the things you sent that profile, and I showed what I had to my Jake too. I'm not sure if I read all of it, since it was a bunch of printed-out screenshots in an envelope, but I read the ask where you told him you hated him (fair at that point but ouch that's got to have hurt) up to when you said you'd found Hannah. After that you sent me your letter telling me time had turned back and the Tumblr screenshots ended.

I'm glad you and Jake managed to talk things out. I was sort of worried about how he'd react, but it sounds like he took it pretty well, considering. I'm... not exactly sure he should be apologizing for the stasis, though. Or the TSB!Jake. Maybe especially not the TSB!Jake. Jakes seem to be oddly different from timeline to timeline, just based on what I've seen of them. TSB has been one of the most different so far.

Oh. One thing I should mention that you might not have seen from the profile: The MWAF used your phone to mock the TSB account, and mentioned that TSB wasn't the only person who could hack, and the MWAF blocked TSB from finding your location. Might want to warn your Jake about that.

A vacation sounds like a good idea :/ It's really hard to go back to normal life right after tragedies or trauma. It feels like the world keeps moving on and you're still stuck in place, and you just want to scream at them that they need to slow down, can't they see that the world is

Good. I'm glad you don't feel alone. It's easier to deal with this stuff when you're with someone else, even if it's not physically.

(Jake, my Jake I mean, if you're reading over my parts of these letters skip to the ||| now please.) I'm not saying he doesn't also enjoy my company. I can tell he does. That doesn't make me not a threat. Like how early on I suspected Thomas, but still thought he was a nice guy and enjoyed talking to him. (Obviously I don't suspect him any more XD ) Still, if you think I should talk with him about it, I'll try to find a tactful way to bring it up.

Yes, because obviously tact is my greatest strength. Sigh.

Like I said to Rai, the underlying desire thing is definitely possible. That'd either mean I'm more obvious about how I feel for Jake than I think I am (very possible, I'm not great at hiding how I feel in person) or the entity has some level of telepathy/mind reading. The reason is that chessboard. Since Jake likes chess, it's clear at least to me the entity expected him to come here at some point. I THINK, if the underlying desire thing is true, I can manipulate myself into wanting specific things by doing things like writing it over and over and repeating it out loud when doing the ritual, but I'm not sure.

|||

It's probably good that your Crow Crew is in stasis, like how it's objectively probably good my outside life is going on without me. Less drama, less pressure.

Huh. The harassment is definitely a promising sign. Maybe you should try contacting Darkness again, same way as I suggested near the beginning? That feels so long ago, but it really can't have been much more than a week, can it?

You... didn't get the vacation. Fucking hell. Is there ANY way you can convince your boss? You really should have time off. Maybe your Jake can help you come up with ideas.

Or at least maybe he can come up with a way to have your boss give you a bonus for your trouble -_-

Oh shit Cleo's interrogating me I'm gonna hand this to Jake now

(The handwriting changes to Jake's.) Hello, Lis.

I agree with Yuvon: "TSB" acts markedly different from myself. There would be no benefit from me promising to be there to find you in the moment, and indeed I would have been falling for a very transparent trap. Even in my possible state of panic, I cannot see myself being there physically, much less revealing myself physically to authorities in the process, unless I was playing the role of bait in a counter-trap. While it is plausible that this was TSB's plan, TSB gave no indication that Yuvon or I could tell that this was the case. Of course, I would have done my best to be there physically in the aftermath of the kidnapping, but not in the moment.

I also agree that the Tumblr profile seems to be out of character for both myself and for "Goldie", though I hesitate to judge TSB's actions by what I myself would do. I seem to vary in surprising ways across universes and even from timeline to timeline, based solely on your current Jake's reactions thus far. I do actually own a Tumblr profile for the exclusive purpose of following social medias I wish to track, but I used a random username generator website for the username and not my own name, and I certainly never posted anything.

The news about the MWAF being able to hack is new to me; I must have missed that the first time I read through the screenshots. That is quite troubling. I suppose I will need to be more careful in future.

I am sincerely sorry your request for a vacation was rejected. I do not know how much you intend to separate your personal life and the Duskwood case, but if your stasis is truly wavering, you may be able to reveal some measure of the danger you are in to convince him to let you flee the area for a small while. Especially since you mentioned in your Tumblr post that you saw a raven note in your wor

Oh.

You need to leave that place. Now. Do not inform your employer of the danger you are in, reveal nothing to him or to anyone, take unpaid time off if you need to. Get your cousin and anyone else you care overly much about out of there too. Invalidate any information you can your employer or coworkers knows about you. Do not tell the truth to anyone, even your cousin. Make up any excuses you need to, ask your Jake for help with ideas if you need to. You may also wish to check that the coworkers your boss listed who are going on vacation are ACTUALLY going on vacation.

This is a priority, Liska. You need to tell your Jake all of this too, especially the part with the note in your workplace. You need to get out of there.

Good luck.

—Jake & Yuvon

(The letter tucks itself into the paper clip with the others.)

#duskwood letter game #yuvon writes letters #duskwood #duskwood game #duskwood everbyte #duskwood jake #lis

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feverinfeveroutfic · 3 years ago

Text

chapter one: double deuces

chapter one of book three, of course ;)

"tell me a story (will ya, will ya) a real good story (I won't leave till ya) spill your guts old man; leave out any secrets, hiding in the... any skeletons, and all your other sins any skeletons, in the closet! any skeletons, any misfortunes any skeletons, hiding in the closet! any skeletons, any skeletons in the closet!"

“Happy birthday, my dear friend.”

Aurora had taken Sam out to that Vietnamese restaurant for lunch on her birthday. Twenty two years old and she could feel the very essence of age over her head. In New York for two years and it all felt like a blur and the clear real thing all at the same time. In a year's time, she would be on the brink of her mid twenties: it all felt so ephemeral and so quick at the same time. It felt so odd to think that not even four years ago she was still in high school and she had gone into a strange brand new place in the meantime.

Four years felt like a lifetime ago, especially since she looked on at her black hair and she swore it was growing lighter over her temples. It could have just been the reflection of the glass in the mirror for all she knew, but when she went to brush her hair, she swore there were some light tendrils near the crown. As long as it didn't turn into a striking pearly white silver color, she knew she would be fine.

Aurora raised her white china tea cup for a toast to her. The soft aroma of the green tea comforted her, and she followed suit with her own cup.

Ever since she and Emile had gotten together, and ever since she had gotten that dress for Kirk's wedding the next weekend, Aurora had been dressing up more nicely: at the moment, she had a rich deep purple velvet sweater wrapped around her body and a little red rose tucked behind her ear. Despite the bitter New York cold, she started wearing more floral print tights to go with her skirts; Sam had to take a second look at her face to make out the sight of the black eye liner about the smooth edges of her eyes.

Sam herself meanwhile found herself drawn more to black—Aurora said it was because of her hanging out with Testament the past couple of weekends as well as Joey on certain days after school.

“I think it could also be because I'm in the arts,” she told her the day before. “Marla wears a bunch of black and Belinda has been wearing a lot of it, too.”

“Hangin' around the arts and hangin' out with a bunch of heavy metal dudes,” Aurora chuckled.

The art scene seemed so far away from her given she was a student and she even began to struggle with classes in recent days. Indeed, the thought of forfeiting college itself to live down in the real bohemian side of New York City was more tempting than ever to her. But she had nestled in the Bronx, three floors over Frank and down the block from Charlie and Marla. It was either pick up and go live alone in another part of town or stay there and continue to do what felt like spinning her wheels day in, day out. Sam tried to not let her thoughts cast a shadow on her own birthday, but she couldn't help but look at her own reflection in her tea cup and frown.

“Maybe it's all the doing stuff after school that's getting to you,” Aurora told her. “We haven't really seen Marla in the past few weeks.”

“No, we haven't,” Sam confessed as she gazed out the window at the snow drifts along the sidewalk.

“Well, if it's any comfort, I've been getting antsy myself,” Aurora said. “Emile wants me to move in with him but it's gonna be hard to do it especially if it's just him who's helping me with the move.”

“And you're going from Long Island up to the Bronx, too,” Sam added, “it was bad enough for me to get my bed up the stairs in that building.”

“It was tricky for me, too,” Aurora continued. “And you and I also moved across country, too.”

“And how—from around the same area, no less. Well, San Diego is way further south in comparison to Lake Elsinore, but it's near the same range, though.”

“It's all within range of L.A., that's for sure. L.A. and Riverside.”

“Hey, if Greg, Eric, and Louie can talk nonsense while they're in the studio, we can, too,” Sam pointed.

“Makes sense—Southern California exiles, the both of us.” Aurora raised her cup again to her and they clinked them together before they took a sip in unison.

“When's your birthday, by the way?” Sam asked her as she held her cup close to her mouth. “I can't remember if you told me or not.”

“May twenty ninth.”

“Oh, I see. I kept thinking it was in October for some reason.”

Aurora chuckled at that. “Well, I haven't really made it much of a point because my parents always treated birthdays different in comparison to that of American culture. I always wanted an American style birthday party growing up in San Diego but that's probably the one thing they brought over from the Korean peninsula is the way birthdays are treated.”

“And how's that?”

“When we reach a certain age, they have different celebrations for them. Like your first birthday is 'dol' or three hundred sixty five days since you were born, and that came from the fact Korea didn't have as good of protection on their newborns as we do here: so when you made it to your first birthday, it was significant. The family says a prayer for the kid and then they eat rice, seaweed soup, and rice cakes—my mom has a photo of me from my 'dol', I'll have to show it to you if and when we go out to San Diego together. They have cake and candles just like Americans, but the cake is far different—it's a lot more savory than it is sweet. And on New Year's, they eat a soup so they can finish up the age they are for the certain year. So you're actually considerably older on the peninsula than you are here. If you're ten years old, in Korea, you're considered eleven or twelve.”

“Wow.”

“And when you reach fifteen years of age, and you're female, you're considered an adult. That said, I'm glad I'm a born American because I can't imagine coming to New York City as a fifteen year old.”

“I can,” Sam said.

“You can?”

“As a boy.” She thought about Alex right then.

“Now, boys have to wait 'til they're twenty before they're considered adults.”

“So Alex would still be considered a boy right now?” she asked her. “Being eighteen?”

“Yes!” Aurora then burst out laughing and clapped her hands at that. “Oh, god, I just pictured him in the traditional horse hair hat that boys have to wear on their twentieth birthday, and I also just pictured him picking up a giant rock and lifting it over his head, too.”

“How giant are we talking, exactly?”

“One that dwarfs his entire body.” Aurora raised an eyebrow at that.

“I dunno, Aurora,” Sam confessed with a shake of her head, “—he's pretty thin but he's also got that little bit of baby fat left on him. He looks pretty soft.”

“Bet you he's way stronger than he looks.”

“Joey is,” Sam continued as she brought her cup back up to her lips.

“Joey is!”

“Mr. Hockey Player—yeah, that boy's tougher than nails.”

“Well—we are going to be in the Bay Area next weekend,” Aurora pointed out. “A whole weekend of doing stuff while Kirk and—Rebecca, I think is his fiancée's name?—while they're getting married. We all can just hang out and be a bunch of genuine friends together for a couple of days.”

Sam squinted her eyes at that.

“What do you have in mind?” she asked her in a low voice.

“You'll see. And maybe Exodus and Death Angel will want in on the fun, too. Fun with the 'little four'.” She flashed Sam a wink as she sipped from her tea once again. Right then, the sole waitress in the restaurant showed up at their table with their bowls of pho: chicken for Sam, vegetarian for Aurora. One more toast and they both dipped into their bowls of fresh hot soup.

At least that night she was to have cupcakes courtesy of Marla, forty dollars courtesy of Belinda, and a jovial phone call from her parents that night. Nothing more, nothing less, but at the same time, she wished for more and she knew that her flight back out to California that next Friday was the start of something for her. Something big and grand, like that next weekend in the Bay Area. It would take place on a day that wasn't her birthday, but it would be something.

Since it was Wednesday, after lunch, she headed back to school for the rest of the day and then back to her place in the Bronx. She stepped in through the front door: the first thing she noticed was the vase of yellow tulips on the table. They had lasted so long, and for so long in the heart of the first winter following Cliff's passing, but she noticed the wilt as it began to settle in on the yellow petals.

She would keep them there on the table until the pure yellow color vanished and they lost their smell, much like with the black hat Cliff had given her.

Sam took her seat on the couch with her drawing pad rested upon her lap. She was an artist in New York City, and yet she lived so far from the actual art scene. The boots still on her feet and yet she had no means as to how to look for it outside of her school work. Marla and Belinda had their way, for sure, but there had to be something more. There had to be, especially since she began to put her head down and put more work into her art for her classes. The struggle still came down on her, even as she gave her fish tails more scales and her humans more of a shading around their heads. It all seemed to slip away from the in between her fingers.

Everyone seemed to be doing better: her classmates received more praise, even Belinda who, at one point, admitted that graphites were a challenge for her as well. And yet, when Sam drew a self portrait surrounded by roses and water lilies, one of the comments Miss Estes left for her on the back side of the heavy grained paper was “lots of effort.”

She was eager for the flight out to the Bay Area by the time that early Friday morning rolled around, and she and Zelda were seated next to each other. She had packed that copy of Siddhartha with her but she had no idea as to when she would get to crack it open over the weekend.

Zelda had put on a plain white T shirt and fitted black jeans, and she had combed her short bob of black hair back for the flight. Apparently all she had packed with her were white shirts and black jeans.

“Don't you wanna look nice like at Cliff's memorial?” Sam asked her with a chuckle.

“I've got some suspenders and a tie to go with them,” Zelda replied. “It's a wedding for a friend of ours, and he said that we can wear whatever we like. So I told him that I'm gonna be full punk chick there. I'm guessing you'll be the artist?”

“Of course,” Sam replied, “the full black, baby.”

Zelda raised a hand to her for a high five and the light for the seat belts flickered on right then.

“I'll tell you this, Zelda,” Sam began.

“What's that?”

She peered over her shoulder to make sure Marla and Charlie paid no attention to them, given they were right across the aisle from them. Sam then gestured for Zelda to move in closer to her: beyond her and outside the window, she noticed the first few flurries of snow against the pane. She hoped they would take off soon.

“I'm getting kind of bored of New York,” she whispered to her.

“Really?” Zelda raised her eyebrows at her.

“Yeah. It's just—falling into the whole 'same old, same old' thing. I'm an artist, I should be able to go places with it all.”

“Absolutely, absolutely.”

“And I just—” Sam shook her head. “It's a great big city but I feel like there's nothing for me there anymore. Two years there and I'm not feeling it anymore. I'm glad we're going back out to the Bay Area for just this one weekend because I feel myself slowly going insane.”

“And why are you telling me this in a whisper?” Zelda asked her in a soft voice.

“Because—I don't know how to break it to Marla yet, or Belinda for that matter. Aurora kind of knows, but not in that sense, though. I made note of it to her but she didn't really suggest anything to me.”

“You can come to Providence,” Zelda suggested, “there's tons to do in Providence. Narragansett and Natick, too.”

“I guess what I'm trying to say is I feel trapped. Two years ago, I came here to the Northeast for a change of pace and it feels like it's trapped me sideways. There's no way out unless I really genuinely leave. The downside of course is—leaving you ladies behind and leaving Anthrax behind.”

“Yeah, and—we kinda like you, Sam. I do, especially. And I know Aurora does, too. And Marla.”

“Aurora is one of my best friends. Her and Frankie. They're my best friends. I don't know how I would handle leaving them both behind for a change of pace. I feel me and Marla drifting, if I'm honest. Can't really blame her, though—school's getting hard on her.”

“Well—whatever you do, Sam,” Zelda started again, “I'll support you on it. If nothing, you'll get the full support from me.”

“Thank you, Zelda. That—that means a lot to me.” Sam showed her a friendly smile.

Zelda shrugged. “I'm from Rhode Island,” she replied. “Moreover, I'm a punk rocker from Rhode Island. We look out for each other more so than these metal boys.”

They touched down in the Bay Area at five in the morning, and right as the sun began to rise right behind them. The thick fog surrounded the airport and Sam thought about the one and only Christmas she and Cliff spent together.

“Looks like San Francisco,” she muttered. “Feels like it, too.” She closed her eyes as they rolled up to the gate. She and Zelda stepped out of the airport first and she breathed in that marine air. She swore that New York was in fact her one true home, but there was just something about California that brought her more so into that feeling. That feeling that she needed to be there. All the fleeting thoughts led up to that moment there on the sidewalk.

Cliff's remains were not very far away from there, either.

She, Zelda, Marla, Aurora, and Belinda all stood at the curb as Charlie and Emile fetched their rental cars. All those men awaited them not too far from there, and Sam was eager to see Joey again given he flew in from Syracuse. That morning in which he and Belinda woke up before her and flirted with each other went through her mind every now and again. She never realized how much she wanted him until he put his arms around her and they locked eyes with each other. She needed to at the very least see him again: he also promised her a birthday gift.

Within time, Emile showed up with the little black car for himself and Aurora, while Charlie rolled up to the curb in a short dark green van. The four remaining girls piled inside away from the damp cold; Sam wanted to refer to him and Marla in the front seat as “Mom and Dad” again but she decided not to as she shivered under her jacket.

It wasn't New York, but Sam had forgotten how cold San Francisco could feel once the winter time set in.

“Okay, so we're going to a place called Marin Heights,” Charlie told them. “I think that's where the guys—Metallica—got the loft for us.”

“I've heard of it,” said Belinda from the middle seat.

“Me, too,” Sam added from the way back; Zelda huddled next to her and shook her head about. Sam had no idea as to why she didn't bring a jacket with her given it was winter in California. But instead, she peered out the small notch of a window to the Bay itself. She remembered that Testament were to film a music video out in Alcatraz, and those cold yellow lights from the island itself pierced through the foggy darkness. She wondered if they had finally wrapped up the recording of their first album since she wasn't able to sit in with them over the past couple of weeks because of school. She also wondered if she would receive any credit on it like with Stormtroopers of Death.

Charlie wound through the city until they reached the freeway, which in turn brought them up to Marin Heights, nestled back in the hills on the north side of town: they reached a switch back on the hillside so Sam was able to see the very top of the Golden Gate Bridge as it rose through the fog. The clouds themselves split apart so as to let the first rays of sunlight through and the metal of the bridge shone that bright amber color with the sunrise.

No wonder Cliff loved it there.

She sighed through her nose and turned her attention back to the road ahead of her as it turned away into the hills. Within time, they reached the top, and a small villa of little brick two story houses nestled back in the trees. She wondered if the wedding was going to be there as Charlie pulled up to the gravel driveway and stopped before the one closest to the street.

“I think this is us,” he informed them. “Or it might just be check in, I dunno.” He climbed out and then Sam and Zelda followed suit. The latter raised her lanky arms over her head and closed her eyes. Meanwhile, the former spotted a tall lanky boy with long black hair perched on a stone post on the other side of the driveway. He faced the other way but she knew those rich jet black curls anywhere.

“Joey?” she called out.

“Hm?” Zelda asked.

“Joey's over there.”

Zelda peeked around the rear end of the van and she nodded at her.

“Yeah, he is! Go get 'em!”

Sam then ducked around the end of the van and hurried over to him.

“Joey!” she called out. “Joey!”

He turned to face her with his eyebrows raised. He had lost a little weight so his waist was rather slim like Joey's, and the black hair dye held up, but she knew those deep eyes anywhere.

“Oh, hi,” she greeted him as she skidded to a stop before him.

“Hi,” Alex replied back to her with a thoughtful look on his face. “What's happening?”

“I thought you were Joey for a second.”

“You thought I was Joey?” he laughed at that.

“You have similar hair to each other.”

“His has more of a pile, though. Like right on top of his head. That big pile of ringlets atop his head.” He gestured to the crown of his head. “Even though I'm sitting down, I think he's a little bit shorter than me, too?”

“I think so?” Sam shifted her weight right there. Stray strands of his black hair lifted off of his shoulders in the wind and he ran his hand over the back of his head. He shivered from the feeling over his skin.

“God, it's cold out here,” he muttered as he adjusted his jacket.

“Yeah, it's pretty nippy. Not New York, but it's that California cold, though.”

“You know, both my parents are from New York,” he said.

“Oh, yeah?”

“Both obscenely smart Ivy League professors. They came out here before I was born to teach over at Berkeley.”

“Is that why you had the gray streak?” she asked him.

“Nah, I have no idea where that came from.” He shifted his weight yet again on that post. He seemed uncomfortable sitting there but Sam had no idea where to go right then. Charlie's voice behind her caught her ear and she peered over her shoulder at his talking to James.

“Happy birthday, by the way,” Alex told her as he shifted his weight a fourth time. “Aurora told the five of us last week that it was her assistant's birthday and she didn't know what to get you.”

“Aw, thank you—it was back on the twenty first, though.”

“Happy belated,” he corrected himself, and she swore he winked at her. Someone called his name and he looked off to the distance.

“Hang on—” he said, and he darted past her towards Charlie.

“Sam?” Zelda called out to her, and she jogged back to her. Aurora had climbed out of Emile's car right next to them and she shivered inside of her windbreaker.

“What's up?”

“Apparently the wedding is today,” Aurora announced.

“Today?” Sam was stunned.

“Yeah. Three o'clock. I guess Kirk's lady couldn't wait for it a second longer so they're doing it today.”

“So we get a full weekend of good ol' fun,” Zelda added as she clasped her hands to her upper arms.

“Exactly!”

Sam turned her attention to Alex, who was talking to Charlie about something. His black hair twirled in the cold winter winds. Even from a distance, he had such a grave expression on his face that it made Sam think he was much older than in reality.

Belinda had the right idea: he was very precocious. But now she had a little bit of insight into the boy in that he was raised by intelligent parents. It was a start with Alex and she could only wonder from that point onward.

Aurora and Emile led her, Zelda, and Belinda into the cabin behind Charlie and Alex, and once they stepped inside of the cozy foyer, Zelda was eager to turn on the heater.

“Terrible idea not to pack a coat,” she muttered as she hurried down the front foyer in search of the thermostat, “terrible idea not to pack a coat!”

Sam and Belinda meanwhile took to the narrow stairwell in front of them, and they made their way up to that second level: to the right stood a couple of rooms, while to the left was the bathroom and two more rooms. The door at the far end stood slightly ajar, such that when they reached the top, they spotted that head of black curls outside the doorway.

“Hey, Joey,” Belinda greeted him. That lopsided grin and those big brown eyes returned the favor, and Sam's heart skipped a couple of beats at the sight of him. He didn't appear to be ready for a wedding at all with his plain white shirt, extra tight blue jeans, and ragged white socks.

“There are my girls,” he said as he padded closer to them.

“Oh deary me, you're gonna be down the hall from us?” Sam teased him.

“Yup, me, Frankie, and Charlie and Marla. We're gonna be all here at the end of the hall if you need anything.”

“You know the wedding is today right?” Belinda told him.

“Oh, shit, is it really?” Joey raised his eyebrows at that.

“Yeah, Aurora just told us,” Sam added, and her heart sank at the thought of him barely being in the know of these things. “Three o'clock. So Bel and I are gonna get settled in and get dressed.”

“Oh, damn, thank you,” he told her, and his brown eyes sparkled at the sight of her. Cold as the earth and as engulfing as venom. He doubled back to his room and Sam pushed open the door in front of her. Inside stood a small bunk bed and a heavy wooden dresser underneath the window.

“Top or bottom?” she asked Belinda.

“You're older and got way more inside, so top,” she replied as she lay her purse down on the faded blue comforter upon the bottom bed. Even though they had plenty of time before the wedding, Sam wanted to clean up, and change her clothes and look her best. She hadn't been to a wedding in what felt like forever: there was one from when she was three years old, but she had no memory of it and she had no clue as to who even got eloped then, either.

Belinda offered to curl her hair and do it up extra nice, but she promised her there was very little to actually do up given her hair sat flat on her head. If only she could make curls into a crown like with Joey, but she had what she had in the form of a red wine colored dress and a thin black sweater over the top: the dress was a bit snug around her hips but she need not obsess over something as trivial as that when she remembered what Joey wanted to give her.

She was about to head on back inside of their room when she spotted him on the other side of the hallway with the five men from Death Angel, if she recalled correctly. Once again with the quintets and she would learn all of their names in the meantime. But he had a box wrapped in old faded red wrapping paper tucked under his arm and she hoped it wasn't just a wedding gift, especially since he still hadn't gotten dressed.

He laughed at something one of them said and he turned around.

“Oh, there you are!” he called out to her, and he scurried towards her. The tape on the edges of the box and the crooked look of the paper itself told her he wrapped it in a hurry, but she didn't mind at all once she slid her fingers under the edge of the paper closest to her. Careful not to tear it, she unwrapped it and lifted the lid. Inside was a pair of black leather gloves and a red and white knit scarf, the latter of which she ran her fingers over to find it softer than anything she had felt before. It was as soft as a cat.

“It's your own pair of gloves plus a scarf,” he declared. “I just think about how cold you always get upstate.” He shrugged at that.

“I love it, Joey! It's so soft.”

“It's cashmere.”

Sam gaped at him. “Cashmere,” she echoed him.

“Yeah—it was marked down, though. But it's cashmere. I wanted to give you something nice and good and good and nice.”

She slipped the gloves on and they fit around her fingers as if they were made for her. Joey offered to put the scarf around her neck; he stood before her, a country boy in a plain white shirt before a California girl in a dark red dress, and he wrapped the scarf around her.

“You look beautiful,” he whispered to her. “Happy birthday. Double deuces as of ten days ago!”

“Thank you—” She put her arms around him and she held him close. His slender little body was as soft as that scarf, and he smelled of fresh baked bread, something she would be willing to experience as long as he didn't have a drop of alcohol on hand.

Maybe there was in fact something more to life than being in that groove all the time. Maybe she could find a way to break out of her shell, and she could owe it all to him.

And she still hadn't told her parents about him.

2 notes · View notes

mommymooze · 4 years ago

Text

Bob

Bob-Original Character.

Warning: Crack (yes, I found crack!) vulgar, violent, bad humor, toasty cinnamonrolls Hubert abuse

Part 1

He confidently strides around the grounds of the Monastery like he owns the place. Noone dares to tell him he doesn’t. He’s always been curious, his quest for knowledge knows no bounds. That Riegan kid? An amateur next to him. The poisons and potions that boy comes up with? He made those before he was 9. Riegan is always bragging about Lysithia. Youngest girl to graduate from the School of Sorcery, she is such a prodigy, bla, bla, bla. He had graduated before his 10th birthday. His graduating thesis rewrote the book on transmogrification.

He doesn’t care for Claude practically sticking his tongue in Professor Byleth’s ear at every turn. Okay, so the doof hasn’t quite done that, but he can see that the guy really ‘breathily’ speaks in her ear, so he may as well be. Bob is not jealous. Byleth doesn’t interest him. Not in that way. He knows she’s the best choice for Professor for the Blue Lions. Golden Deer are too chaotic and disorganized. The Black Eagles are practically run by the Agarthans, unfortunately those idiots can’t see it. Besides, its easier to ‘fit in’ with the people of his ‘land’. He’s a noble, in the loosest sense of the word.

His fellow Blue Lions will follow Dimitri to hell and back. Little do they know that Dimitri already has one foot in hell. The guy is nuts. The things he talks about in his sleep, well, Bob’s seen people like that before. They have endured some really heavy shit and trauma. Usually it’s a one-way trip. Dimitri’s hanging on by a thin frayed thread and only Dedue is keeping him grounded. Looks like Professor Byleth is picking up on it. Saving Dedue’s life was the best thing that ever happened to Dimitri.

Now Sylvain, he got a rotten deal handed to him. Don’t blame him for his coping mechanism of getting back at the girls that are after him for his goods and not him. A bit self-destructive, but he does kind of enjoy it, until it goes south. Step in Ingrid, to save him. She’s such a knight in shining armor, rescuing princess Sylvain every time. Felix, he needs a complete emotional enema. He’s been blocked up since his brother died. His father’s been blocked up since his wife died. Felix locked down all of his feelings and emotions only letting out anger and hatred. Any time he has a feeling related to kindness or love, he beats it out of himself by training to death. Ashe, there is a sweet young man. A cinnamon roll through and through. He’s been through tough times and better times. You just can’t let harm come to a freaking ray of sunshine like him. Annette is definitely in the cinnamon rolls covered in sunshine category as well, even though her conception sperm donor is a dick. Daddy Gustav, ugh, Duscur screwed him in the head too. ‘I failed as a knight. I couldn’t protect them.’ So you dump your family, stick your thumb in your ass and watch Dimitri fall apart? Really? Yeah he super sucks as a father type thing. Mercedes is a fun girl. She’s seen some shit, yet she is so motherly to all the Lions. She is not one to give up, even on her loser psycho brother.

Bob is a model student. He watches the idiotic pranks that Sylvain pulls. Fart jokes? That is third grade stuff. They have the big mock battle between the classes in a few weeks. Bob catches the redhead getting turned down by Felix when he invites his bff to town to check out some girls. Bob just happens to be near the door when Sylvain exits.

“Hey man, heard you may be heading to town. Need a wingman?” Bob offers.

“Only if you buy the first round.” Sylvain grins.

They head out the front gates to the town on the other side of the woods. Talking about their favorite types of girls, Sylvain is ready to hit up anything in a skirt by the time they hit the closest drinking establishment. Half an ale gone and the redhead has found a couple of prospective tarts ready to take a bite out of. Bob takes a seat next to a young brunette cleric who shyly smiles as he sits. They chatter amicably, before the evening is over, he knows of her family, history, deity (not Sothis, gasp) how long she has done this, life’s dreams, battle experience, her strongest spells, affinities, favorite foods, shoe size and her birthday. Sylvain returns to the tavern a bit disheveled and a grin from ear to ear. Bob bids his little friend good night. Once he is finished suffering through the heavily detailed victorious encounter that the handsome cavalier has just experienced, Bob changes direction of the conversation to the redhead himself.

“Dude, why do you act like such a fuckup? Felix hits it right on the nose every time and you just crumble. You are much smarter than you lead everyone to believe. You hold back on your magic. You can handle a lance like nobody’s business. If you practiced some, get your speed up, you’d be deadly. What’s the deal?” Bob doesn’t exactly hold back.

“Look,” Sylvain whines, “I know I’m a fuckup. My father has my life lined up for me. He’ll pick out who I marry, I’m stuck watching over the Gautier territory, making crestbabies to grow up and wield the Lance of Ruin. My brother was fucked over by my father for not having a crest. I had to go out and kill him. My own brother. My whole life is so messed up, why should I even try?”

Bob leans over and whispers into the redhead’s ear. “Man, the winds of change are coming. This whole godessdamned world is going to be flipped upside down. Just when you think it can’t get any worse it does. It’s gonna be a mess. Then one day, there’s going to be a light in that darkness, and the world is tilted again. All the slates are going to be wiped clean and I intend on being there to rewrite it all. I just want you to come along for the ride, dude.”

Sylvain looks at Bob like he’s got two heads. “How much did you have to drink while I was gone? That is some crazy heavy shit. Whatever it was, you gotta buy me some next time.” He laughs as they get back to the monastery gates.

------------------

Bob quickly becomes bored with the highly censored library in the monastery and decides to find where the one is in Abyss. Besides, he hates the skinwalker librarian. The creep likes to hand out anti church of Seiros paraphernalia to anyone that would take one. Bob knew of Abyss long before he had ever arrived. He found out more information about Garreg Mach on the outside than on the inside. Once you go past the front gate, the church folks zip their lips shut. He sneaks around a few tunnels, keeping his eyes peeled for anyone nearby. Noting some footsteps slowly moving closer, he blends in with the walls. Two girls walk past, he’s just about to let them keep going, but he recognizes one of them.

“Hapi?” Bob softly gasps.

“Dipshit! Long time no see, jerk!” Hapi runs over and hugs him.

The taller blonde girl stands, waiting for a proper introduction.

“Oh, Coco, this is my friend, Dipshit. He helped get me out of the terrible place where, you know, those guys were.” Hapi says.

The noble woman offers her hand, “Constance Von Nuvelle. I am temporarily living here, however I strive to restore House Nuvelle to its finest glory.

Bob takes her hand, kissing the back of it, “I am very honored to make your acquaintance. How fortunate to meet such a beautiful woman as yourself in such an interesting location.”

Constance Nuvelle giggles at his introduction. Bob is all OMG she is so CUTE.

Hapi gives him the stink-eye “Aaanyyway, we should prolly take you to meet Yuribird. He’s the boss around here. “

So they meander over to the class room and meet Yuri. Tall, beautiful, with an air of mystery for kicks, Yuri greets the newcomer. “Any friend of Hapi’s is welcome.”

Bob explains his presence. “I’m not here to get in your business. Just wanted to check out your library. If I find anything useful to you, I know where to go with it. Mostly I am interested in all the crap that is going on topside.”

Yuri walks with him to the place where Seteth’s banished books have been stored. Bob tears into it like a man starved. Feeding on everything he can get his hands on.

Yuri decides to be sociable for a moment. “Whatcha looking for friend?”

Bob “the usual. Nabatheans, Agarthans, saints, Nemesis, relics, bloodlines, histories that may be a little closer to the truth than what they have upstairs. “

Yuri nods. “Sure. Have at it.”

“I’ll let you know if I find anything about the Crest of Aubin or the rest of you guys.” Bob offhandedly remarks looking through a few books.

Yuri starts cleaning under his nails with a particularly sharp dagger. “Funny, no one mentioned Crests, much less if anyone has one.”

“I can smell ‘em.” Bob says indifferently. “One of their experiments gone haywire. Hapi and I did time together. Ask her, she’s where I got my crest.”

“Have fun.” Yuri quips before heading out, stashing his dagger.

Bob is devouring this library. Opens every single book on every single shelf. Divides them into piles. Church, Magic, research, Agarthans, useful, and crap.

Encyclopedia of Fodlan’s Insects. Insects is what the Agarthans call Nabatheans. Winged bugs that need squashing. It also describes items forbidden by the church. These of course are things the Agarthans have used for centuries. Telescopes, viewing lenses, metal printing presses, decent condoms. Bob laughs out loud at the section on autopsies. Wouldn’t want you poking around inside someone’s head or chest. May accidentally find a crest stone or worse rattling around in there. Bob finishes sorting the upper levels of the Shadow Library. He hands a few books to Yuri to peruse, telling him to hang on to them, Bob would like a close look when he is done. Bob shuffles off with armful after armful of books, taking them to a quiet little nook that Yuri has permitted for him. Not much bigger than a closet, but its enough room to keep the books secure. Just as he’s on his last trips, who should happen to arrive at the library but Hubert von Vestra.

“Hey Bro, what the fuck you doin’ down here?” Bob impolitely and arrogantly asks.

“You. Why don’t you crawl back under your rock.” Hubert curses.

“Surprised to see you standing up. Usually you’re on all fours licking her high and mightynesses boots.” Bob shakes his head, getting his black and white bangs out of his eyes.

“Lady Edelgard deserves all of my praise and loyalty for everything she has been through. House Vestra shall always be at her service.” Hubert stiffly replies.

“Yeah, how’s that working out for you. She hasn’t been through half the shit I’ve been through. She’s barely holding it together. What’s fucking hilarious is she’s relying on you to help her keep it together. You still haven’t gotten over killing father. You should’ve let me know. I’d’ve done it in a heartbeat. Can’t wait till I can slit my beautiful mother’s throat and listen to her gurgling as the life flows from her.”

“He denounced you. You are not a Vestra.” The Black Eagle spits out.

Bob puts his hands on his hips. “Gimme a break. You and I are cut from the same mold. Same greasy black hair, at least I take care of mine. Same strong chin, handsome cheek bones, body structure. Hell we have the same color eyes from father. Just because I’m your half bro doesn’t mean I’m not part of your family. We’re both drawn to black and dark magic. We wield spells far above our fellow students. Just think of the things we could do together. “

“No. You are crude, undignified, unprodigious, and disgusting inside as well as out.” Hubert spits.

“We’re twins! I’m just the better looking one. Just ask anyone. You stand around like a starving vulture ready to pounce on everyone. Always looming and leering. That creepy guy intimidation thing only gets you so far. You need to work on your charm.” Bob schmoozes, moving closer to his half brother.

“I’ve had enough of this.” Hubert gives a disgusted frown and warps away.

“I love dicking with him. Fucking dickwad.” Bob laughs a deep and frightening laugh that scares some female out in the hallway who screams and runs away.

----------------------------

When Flayne goes missing, Bob becomes unhappy. She’s a sweet and innocent girl. Yeah, she’s got dragon blood and all that, but really she’s nice. Cinnamon roll nice. Too nice to be caught up in any Agarthan mess. And this kidnapping has Agarthan written all over it.

Bob shows up behind Hubert, smashing his face into a wall and nicking his half bro’s throat as he puts a dagger under his chin. “Tell her to call the Agarthan dogs back. Tell her how wrong it is to work with them. They are not your friends. The enemy of your enemy crap doesn’t work. They are only using you, not the other way around”

Hubert, bloody nosed from having it smashed into a wall mutters, “I will bring it up in our next conversation.”

“Yeah. Talk about it. All talk, no action.” Bob disappears through the wall. He materializes in the library behind Ashe.

“Ashe, take off your baseball cap.” The cool dark mage orders.

The grey haired cinnamon roll takes off his hat and sits very straight in the comfy chair in the library. He can feel the hand patting his head, then stroking his hair from the top of his head down to his neck.

“Good boy, you are a good boy Ashe.” Bob begins his mantra, praising and patting.

“Yes. I am a good boy.” Ashe repeats, closing his eyes.

Thirty minutes later Ashe is happily asleep curled up in the chair and Bob no longer has steam coming out of his ears. Bob looks around the library. Where is that Thomas creep anyway? Bob goes to the upper levels where Thomas’ desk is located. Pinned to the bulletin board is a cartoon of Rhea tied to a stake while they light a huge fire under her. A poster in Medieval script saying “Dragons must Die!!!” A stack of love poems devoted to Catherine, his forbidden love. And a large, oversized rubber stamp that says “DENIED”. But no sign of Thomas. Bob decides to pay the gatekeeper a visit. He floats down the three flights of stairs to the main level. Not only because it is cool if you can float, but he also won’t trip over one of Claude’s 17 pairs of roller-skates he leaves everywhere, especially on stairs.

“Greetings Bob, nothing to report.” The gatekeeper happily greets the black and white haired mage, cheerfully looking up into his piercing citrine eyes.

“Hey Keeps, you ever see the librarian head out of these gates?” Bob asks him in a deep, sultry voice.

“Oh yeah, I guess he left almost a week ago. I bet he’s going out to chase down some overdue books. Had a large empty sack on his shoulder.” Gatekeeper smiles ever so widely, a blush to his cheeks as he stares deeper into Bob’s eyes.

Caspar overhears the conversation, gasps, and runs straight to Linhardt’s room to save his best friend from being sentenced to death for his lack of library returns.

Bob returns to his room for the night to ponder the mysteries of the universe, Flayn’s location, why does Felix do that thing with his hair, and why does Dimitri find Alois’ jokes funny? They suck so bad. Is it the madness?

-----------

Breakfast with the Blue Lions is enlightening. There are rumors of some sort of dude that dresses up like the grim reaper, complete with scythe that is creeping out the people in the village. Just one more thing to add to the list of the weird crap that is going on around this place. As he walks across the courtyard, some guy from the kitchen bumps into him.

“Hey, watch it, bud.” Bob giving the guy the eye.

Kitchen guy stops him. ”Have you seen Manuela?” he asks as blood is dripping down his arm.

Bob holds his hands out like he is holding two invisible watermelons to his chest, “Really big…?”

The guy nods.

Bob smirks, “Never heard of her. What were you doing?” Bob curiously asks.

“Peeling potatoes. Knife slipped.” Kitchen guy says, not looking so good. Bob knows to avoid potatoes for dinner.

“Head for the training grounds, healers are always hanging out there for practice opportunities.” Bob says before heading to the stable area. Just as he walks past the Knights quarters, he hears a shriek in a perfect “C”. Probably Manuela. Just before he goes inside he stops a guy standing out front telling him to get the Blue Lions. You know, the group with the really tall hot blonde guy? Yeah, those Blue Lions.

The mage runs down the hall and finds a door partially open. He pushes it the rest of the way to find Manuela lying on the floor. She’s reaching out for something by the wall, as Bob gets closer he can smell them, Agarthans. He feels around and there’s a secret passage that opens wide to show a path down to the stink. The dark mage heads straight down the hole, lighting every torch on the way to guide the rest of his house. The Professor arrives at the bottom of the stairs to find all of the enemies in the immediate area are on fire. Bob is currently hurling fire spells through the gate at the enemies in the next room. “Die motherfuckers!! MUahahahahahahaha! Eat this!” Bob screams as he throws another fireball at one of the guys in the next room who tries to hide as far in a corner as possible, but still winds up having his robes catch fire and he screams in agony.

Byleth places her hand on Bob’s shoulder, whispering in his ear. “Calm down dude, you’re frightening the kids. Don’t scar our cinnamonrolls.”

Bob pulls a fist in front of his mouth. “Oopsie. Sorry. Was over excited. ::cough cough::”

The Blue Lions take over from here. Ashe unlocks the door as Felix and Sylvain rush in followed by Dedue and Ingrid. The professor heads to the left to unlock another gate.

Bob reaches over to pat Ashe on the head. “Good boy, you are such a good boy.”

Ashe smiles as his eyes glaze the slightest bit.

They move forward quickly wiping out the soldiers that are nearby. Felix and Sylvain take some warp tiles that send them to various places in the area where they can deactivate trap tiles. They all are joined together at the door in front of the death knight. Ashe opens the door. Bob’s already materialized in the room and hitting the big masked dude on the horsie with Dark Spikes T when the Flame Emperor shows up to send horsie boy off.

Flame Emperor “Go home Creepy McCreepface, you done good. I am the Flame Emperor. I will reforge the world.” And with that they both warp off.

Professor “We need to get these kids out of here.”

Bob, “I’ll grab Flayne, leave that other one, it smells bad.” He tosses Flayne over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry. Bob carries her all the way to the infirmary. When putting her on a cot, he notices that her shirt sleeves were sliced open to her armpits and there are multiple holes in her arms where the evil bloodsuckers have taken her blood multiple times. He whispers to Manuela that the girl is a few quarts low, then he leaves.

Bob heads straight to Hubert’s room. His half brother isn’t there, so he waits for him to show up. So he’s not too bored, he goes into his brothers notes on spells and adds a few extra lines here and there to Sigils and changes ingredients on some poisons.

As soon as Hubert enters the door he is tripped then given a knee in the back while his dear half sibling repeatedly smashes his face into the floor.

“I told ::slam:: you not ::slam:: to work ::slam:: with them. ::slam slam:: Fucking idiot! ::slam slam slam::

Hubert’s nose is quite crooked and he can’t breathe correctly through it now. “I toad her, but she woodit lissen.”

Bob continues his rant. “Now we have a kid that suddenly appears from being gone last year. “ He definitely does airquotes on the word “suddenly”. “She’s one of them, I know it. Dump her. Dump the Agarthans. And wash your hair sometimes, ew.” Bob disappears through the floor, listening to Hubert call him a few names that weren’t in the book. Bob needs to write those down.

----------------------

It was time for the Battle of the Eagle and Lion and no Deerz allowed. Byleth has been working them pretty hard, advancing Bob as quickly as she can in magic certifications. He’s got reason down better than anyone in the group, so he’s been teaching them more advanced spellcasting. Byleth doesn’t say much but she catches on fast. If you can get Annette to shut up and concentrate, she does an amazing job. Mercedes doesn’t have her heart in it but manages to get a few reason spells down, Fire for sure, and Thunder is getting better. Felix is great with Thunder. Sylvain would be great with fire, but he screws around too much.

The horn signals for the battle to begin. Bob immediately heads for the back lines of the Black Eagles, materializing behind Linhardt, stabbing him with a blade covered with a powerful sleeping concoction. Lin would probably thank him. Bob heads over to behind Marianne in the Golden Deer. He whispers “good night, sweetie” in her ear before he holds a cloth covered with the same powerful sleeping potion. Lying her carefully on the ground he hides out in the nearby bushes to find out where Lysithia has gone off to.

He watches Ferdinand and Sylvain get into it. Handsome redheads on horses stab at each other repeatedly with pointed sticks. Finally, Sylvain gets the upper hand, but not by much. Ferdinand is out and heads to the boundary lines. Sylvain heads back to Mercedes for a bit of patching up. Annette is working on whittling down Ignatz, blowing his arrows off course as she attacks with wind spells. The professor is taking out Raphael and Claude. Bob decides to throw a mire at Hilda. She screams about her hair and how gross the magic muck feels all over her and gives up. Felix is giving Leonie a workout. Sylvain is back and taking on Lorenz. Lorenz throws a decent Fire spell at Sylvain, causing the redhead’s horse to rear up, he still is able to stay on the steed and then counter Lorenz with a decent lance jab that knocks the grapeheaded guy off his horse.

The battle continues on. It is between the lions and eagles, the deer are out. Its very helpful at this point that the eagles have no healer except for Dorothea. Her magic is going to be defensive not attacking for the most part. Edelgard marches down the field heading for Dimitri and Dedue, followed by Hubert and Caspar. Bob lost track of Petra and Felix, not sure who won that match. Bob grabs a large wooden sword lying on the ground and materializes behind Hubert. Swinging the flat edge of the blade at full force at the back of Hubert’s head, Bob provides Hubert with the headache of the month.

“Blockhead.” Bob smirks as he watches the dark mage fall and Bob disappears into the ground just under the swing of Edelgard’s axe. Bob shows up in a copse of trees not far away watching the rest of the blue lions completely wipe out the black eagles.

---------------------

Bob is in Abyss, in the laboratory of the most creative and beautiful sorceress he has ever met.

“Darling, would you be so kind to join me for lunch today? I would be ever so honored and grateful if you would grace my humble presence with your enlightening company.” Bob croons.

“Ever the charming one, pumpkin. However I must decline as I have serious potions to concoct today and they simply cannot mix themselves.” Constance smiles ever so sweetly, batting her eyelashes.

“Ahh. I so adore your everworking and brilliant mind, however you do need nourishment for your delectable body. If I may, I will retrieve lunch from above and bring it back to provide you with the energy needed to complete your serious tasks. “ Bob dashingly offers, his hands on his hips, his hair waving in the breeze, a sparkle shows on his teeth with a ding.

“I suppose I must acquiesce to obtaining sustenance. Having your handsome face as accompaniment is also a great pleasure. Please do go, with haste and fetch our midday feast.” Coco wiggles her fingers, encouraging him to hurry.

“But of course my flower, my jewel. I shall return poste haste.” Bob says, holding his palm open for her to gently place her hand within it so that he may delicately kiss the back of her hand, and then lick it for good measure.

He then disappears through the floor, only a minute later to walk through the wall behind her.

“Every moment away tears at my heart, my sweet lady. I am overjoyed to have returned and bask in your beauty once again. Please join me.” The handsome dark mage waves a hand at the beautifully set table complete with two darling candelabras with Ashen Wolves colored candles, napkins and tablecloth.

They sit on the same side of the table. Bob smiles and he feeds her bite after bite until she is satisfied. Next time he may even offer to chew if for her if she so desires. He takes a napkin and lightly dabs at the corner of her mouth.

“There my precious one.” Bob coos in her ear. “Have you been sated? Is there anything else that I may obtain for you? I would pull the stars from the sky if you would only ask for them.”

Constance smiles, a bit of green something stuck on her teeth, “Nah, I’m good. “

Bob helps her from her chair and walks her back to the laboratory table. “Ahh. Then, although it pains me to do so< I shall leave you to your work.” He says before snapping his fingers, clearing the table.

Bob dips her, giving her a face sucking kiss until her skin on her cheeks is almost purple, as he stands her back up she is completely gasping for breath, trying to cool herself with her fan. She has a severe case of the vapors. He then rises into the air, disappearing through the ceiling.

----------------------------

Remire Village. Nice place if you like living in Hell!!!! Whole place is aflame. Dimitri is acting like Frankenstein’s monster getting creeped out by the flames everywhere giving him flashbacks of Duscur. Felix is getting flashbacks of feral Dimitri. Sylvain is getting flashbacks of the girls he had dated here, they’re all monsters now and after him. Ingrid is having flashbacks of when she was camping and her marshmallows AND her hotdog fell into the campfire. Bob is busy covering the eyes of Annette and Ashe to keep them from as much of the horror as possible, the smell around him of burnt cinnamon is concerning. Somehow they save the villagers, Thomas’ skin is removed from Solon, a pasty white older than dirt uglier than sin guy. Professor B beats up the old guy pretty quick and pastyboy heads for the hills.

The Death Knight is there. Bob pulls the cinnamon rolls over and whispers in their ears.

“Hey kids, would you like to see your dear Uncle Bob get rid of the McKreepface guy on the horse? I’ll let you laugh at him while he burns, okay?”

Ashe and Annette nod their heads very quickly has Bob hands them each a bowl of popcorn and a box of milkduds for the show.

“Huzza-huzza-HOOM! You’re about to meet your DOOOOOOM!” Bob cackles as the magic of Dark Spikes T whips from his fingers and chomps on the body of the Death Knight like Godzilla eating buildings in Tokyo. The only thing left of the dude is a Dark Seal that Bob wraps in a pink bow and hands to Professor Byleth.

“Don’t you want this, Bob?” the Professor asks.

“Nope, mother got me one for my birth day. Figured you could use a spare.” The dark mage quips.

The Flame Emperor shows up. “Deathknight, you’re having too much fuuuuuuuuuck! What did you do to my pet?”

“Chomp chomp bitch.” Bob says making hand gestures like his fingers are teeth chomping towards her face.

Jeralt is angry. “So you’re the one that did this to my favorite village?”

“No, no, you got it all wrong.” The Flame Emperor backpedals. “Yeah, Solon works with me, but man I didn’t know he was going to pull this shit.”

“Come to the dark side!” Flameface pleads. “I will give you cookies…”

“We got Mercedes, your cookies suck compared to ours. Oh, and you suck too.” Says Byleth.

“Look, Solon and his buddies, they are powerful. Together, me, you, The Sword of the Creator. We can take them down.” Flame face

Bob pulls his right hand into his sleeve to make it look like it’s been cut off. “I’ll never rule the universe with you!”

Dedue runs up saying his Princeliness is missing. Bob grabs his two cinnamon rolls protectively.

“Don’t let Mr. CrazySpaghettihead scare you. Lets go get some icecream.” Bob says leading them to the monastery.

#fe3h #fire embelm three houses #Blue Lions #Crack #my stories #Black Eagles #FE16 hubert von vestra #byleth eisner

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inventors-fair · 3 years ago

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Missed Opportunities Commentary

Thank you all, once more, for a fantastic week. I wish my schedule allowed me to do this more often, since it really is so much fun. Now, then, let’s get into it! All 14 remaining submissions are under the cut, card and commentary included.

We’re going to be going in reverse alphabetical order this time, so let’s start it off with @shadowtag‘s submission, Traumatic Reunion

This is an absolutely beautiful callback to Cathartic Reunion in both function and flavor, but this is not a black effect. The only color allowed to return any card type from their graveyard to their hand is green, and spells that return multiple cards at once all exile themselves (or otherwise remove themselves from your graveyard like Seasons Past.) Very good job on the flavor, but unfortunately the mechanics don't quite pull through.

@misterstingyjack Tocasia’s Ingenuity

A deep pull to be sure, but not an unwelcome one. Although, given that Primal Plasma is blue, and blue is the central overlapping color between Urza and Mishra, I don't see why this wasn't a blue card. The fact that it makes a token with all the abilities of the card is strange to me too, as with Soul Separator from Shadows Over Innistrad there is precedent of making token copies of things in graveyard with different characteristics. That aside, an artifact focus was 100% the right direction to take here, even with the Elementalist spin, and the card is well balanced, all things considered. Unrelated to the judging, you mentioned Darksteel Colossus in the notes, but unfortunately that wouldn't work. Darksteel Colossus shuffles itself into your library if it would be put into a graveyard, so it's impossible to interact with it in the graveyard (Blightsteel Colossus does this as well.)

@i-am-the-one-who-wololoes The First Battle

I always love to see the Demon Leviathan given the attention it deserves. The lore on this is absolutely wonderful, but it's also way too much text to put on a Saga. If it did fit, I'd suggest swapping the first two chapters so that you can better set up the killing blow, but as it is I think it should just be an instant or sorcery that makes the planeswalkers fight and adds the counters immediately.

@ozthearistocrat Mistmeadow Jack

I also had to look this one up, and flavorfully I'm liking what I'm seeing! Unfortunately, this is not a white card. Stealing things, even temporarily, is not a white effect. If this card were blue to cast with a white activation (or keeping the hybrid activation) it would have been perfect.

@snugz Khanfall

Choices were a big part of Fate Reforged, and Khans block in general, so it makes sense that a splashy mythic set in that time would have a choice attached as well. However, given that the card is named Khanfall, and there's only one way that can go down, it seems strange to me that there's a choice at all. The mechanical aspects of this card are wonderful, but I think it should have done only one of these things rather than try for both.

@starch255 Hyperi, Titan of Sky’s Tyranny

I'm definitely a fan of the concept, and I'm glad you caught on and made the Helixing optional, but my feelings on Hyperi are mixed. The two Titans we have fit into a playstyle of "Good spells on turn 2/3, good value engines later in the game," but Hyperi doesn't. It's an absolutely backbreaking card late game, especially since grave hate powers up future versions, but on curve it most likely does nothing at all. You would have been better served making it either flat damage + lifegain or tied to a number other than cards in exile.

@gollumni Hurrik, Savior of Gods

There's a lot to say here, so let me start by assuring you that I really wish this card worked. If you activate this and target any creature that then dies to damage or 0 toughness, it creates an infinite loop of replacement effects that ends the game in a draw, because it doesn't remove marked damage or debuffs, so the creature will die again to state based actions so the replacement effect, which lasts until the end of the turn, will grab it ad infinitum. If it said "the next time" and removed damage, or it exiled and brought it back under your control, then it would work perfectly. It also saves your own creatures without the downside, which I don't think was intentional based on the wording.

@hypexion Hack the Guildpact

Maybe I have a skewed experience with this sort of thing, but this looks very easy to win with. If you have even three unique color pairs and a proliferate card, you'll win in three turns. But worse than that, the card doesn't do anything aside from winning the game. If it gets to 9 counters and then gets blown up, it didn't do anything. Cards which say "win the game" on them usually have either some sort of protection, like Helix Pinnacle and Darksteel Reactor, or some other effect to help win or survive, like Approach of the Second Sun and Simic Ascendancy. Maybe it could have a ramping scry/surveil based on the number of counters, and then win at 10.

@teaxch Gvar, Krumar Commander

It's simple and clean, although it doesn't quite carry the same flavor as what the Krumar really are. The mechanics of this card imply that they defeat the children and then take them, and although the flavor text describes it properly, it's still at odds with the functionality. A better way to do this might be to follow the example of Offspring's Revenge, and have Gvar make 1/1 token copies of opponent's creatures that die, with appropriate stat balancing.

@bread-into-toast Glimpse of Perfection

I get what you were going for, and I like it, but it's messy. It's a counterspell and a stealy card, but the fact that it namedrops the Shadowspear specifically means it's very niche, and the fact that you're paying more than usual for the counterspell, and then 4 life (or UU) for a 1 mana artifact that you don't always keep forever makes the card underwhelming even when it does work. I think a better way to accomplish this flavor would have been to make both the counterspell and search effect on etb, and make the steal effect search for any artifact with mana value 1 or less.

@morbidlyqueerious Glimpse Beyond

Mechanically, this card is perfect. Blue and green are the perfect combination of colors for this effect, weaving together cards like Commune With the Gods and Investigate the Mystery seamlessly. My only gripe is that, looking at this without the flavor text, I would not know what it's representing. It's a great effect, and I do love me some Rashmi, it's just a little too nonspecific.

@shakeszx Dack’s Fate

Very on the nose. Normally, most things about this card would be working against it, but in the specific context of War of the Spark, it fits very well. Legendary sorceries would have been great in a set with 36 planeswalkers, as well as planeswalker specific removal. I'm not sure why this is white, though. Nicol Bolas has never been associated with white, least of all the Eternals, and everything this card does can be done in mono black.

@wolkemesser Clockworking

Mechanically, this card is fine. I think it should have been a delayed trigger to choose one ("when you win" instead of if), and the "use" should be changed to "activate" but the card works as written. Apart from that, the effects are of wildly different power levels (compare Raise Dead to Disallow). Flavorfully, I'm very confused why you re-used a Lorwyn mechanic for the Scars of Mirrodin story, let alone one as divisive as Clash.

@col-seaker-of-the-memiest-legion ______, Planeswalker

This is a wonderful example of a card that is only silver bordered due to flavor. It functions exactly as intended in black border, without any changes to the rules or mechanics of the game, but is still a card that would never be printed outside of an Unset. That being said, the card itself does need a bit of a templating update. It needs to specify that you can look at cards exiled with it, otherwise you won't be able to play any of them, and I assume you meant for the last ability to be less than or equal to the number of land counters on the Planeswalker. Mechanically, there's a few changes that would need to be made to get it to the right spot in terms of balance. The cost, for one, is a mess. Twobrid mana isn't used anymore for good reason, and while I understand the intent behind its use here, it drags the design down. The fact that all of the abilities subtract loyalty means that even though it starts with 20 counters, you're likely not going to be able to play anything off of it. It playing the land in the second ability is more restrictive than you might assume, since the opportunity cost there is both drawing a card into the planeswalker and your own land drop for the turn.

And that will do it for us today! It was a genuine pleasure to host this for you all, and I look forward to the next time our paths cross in such a manner.

-Mod @illharg-the-rave-boar

#mtg #custom magic card #Missed Opportunities #commentary #:boar:

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marbledaesthetics · 4 years ago

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Only on Principal | afi | part ii

masterlist part i

pairing: ashton irwin x ofc

warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, slow burn, mutual pining, fake (semi-coerced?) relationships, injuries, implications of anxiety

word count: 4.4k

a/n: sorry this took so long, I just recently restarted classes and I never have the time to write. I wish I could say the next one will be sooner, but I haven’t even started it (oops). I do have an idea of where this will go moving forward, so hopefully, once I can get around to writing, it will go quickly.

~~~

It’s nearing 10 o’clock when Ashton pulls up to the building Hylla described, a brick building with tall windows, two stories high. The sign above the front door reads The Ink Pot, but he passes it by in favor of following the small alley to his left, as per her directions, where he found a small side door.

He hesitates before knocking, knowing he’s a few minutes early. He’d spent the past week kicking himself over the way he had treated her, and he was anxious to see if she would still be upset by it.

The door swings open, snapping him from his thoughts, to reveal Hylla, holding a mascara wand and small, squirming dog. “Hi, you can come on up, I’m not quite ready, yet.” She motions for him to follow him up the stairs just inside the door. “You can chill wherever while I finish up.”

Hylla disappears after setting down the small pup, who immediately scuttles over to Ashton, at the top of the stairs. He crouches down and scratches its ears lightly, giggling when it attempts to climb into his lap. “Well, hello there.” He moves to sit on the end of her couch, leaning back down to continue petting it.

Hylla comes back a minute later, shaking her head in amusement at her dog, who is now lying on Ashton’s foot while he scratches her stomach. “Are you being needy, Karma? Worst guard dog I’ve ever seen,” she teases, laughing as the dog gets up and barrels into her shins.

“What breed is she?” Ashton asks, brushing a bit of dog fur from the bottom of his jeans.

“A mini Australian shepherd. She’s super smart, but she’s also a total brat.”

Ashon giggles, and she immediately yearns to hear the sound again. She mentally scolds herself, reminding herself that she needed to keep their relationship amicable for the next eight months.

“Are you ready, then?” Ashton asks, breaking the slightly awkward silence. He stands and slides his hands into his pockets.

“Yeah, I just need to put this little one somewhere she won’t cause trouble.” She herds Karma into a corner of the kitchen full of dog things, closing a baby gate to keep her there. Upon watching this, Ashton notices that most things he could see are baby proofed.

Gesturing to the nearest baby lock, he asks, “Do you have a kid?” then quickly backtracks. “Wow, that was really blunt, sorry.”

Hylla just laughs, brushing it off as she pulls on her shoes. “No, like I said, Karma is super smart, but she loves causing trouble. She knows how to flip light switches, open cabinets, doors, the fridge, so: baby locks.”

Ashton laughs, a full sound from deep in his chest. “That’s amazing. In theory, that would be great, but I could see how she could make a mess, though.”

Hylla makes a small noise of affirmation, and they head out. They make small talk on their way, allowing the radio to fill stretches of comfortable silence.

Ashton parks a few blocks from the coffee shop, giving them a chance to be spotted before they enter. He gives Hylla a small, reassuring smile before hopping out of the car, opening her door. He helps her out of the car, lacing their fingers together as they make their way to the shop.

A handful of fans recognize Ashton, but none make a fuss about Hylla’s presence, being kind without prying.

They choose to sit at a bar along the front windows, keeping an eye out for the paps that were bound to arrive. They continue to keep their conversation light, occasionally speaking to fans that approach.

After some time, they notice the herd of paps outside had grown to a size plenty more than sufficient for their purposes. They meet each other’s eyes before rising from their seats in unison.

Ashton takes Hyllas free hand in his, squeezing lightly. “You ready?”

She smiles back and nods, using her drink to gesture for them to leave.

As soon as the door opens, they’re overwhelmed by flashes. Ashton makes a point of ignoring the cameras, leading Hylla toward the pier, where it would be more difficult for the paps to follow.

Hylla tries to keep her head down, knowing there are already enough pictures of her face for Twitter to find her. The noise was overwhelming, with questions being shouted over each other, and Hylla is forced to press closer to Ashton to keep her balance as they fight their way through the crowded sidewalk.

One man pouches forward, gripping her arm tightly and asking a question she doesn’t quite hear. She freezes, eyes going wide as the man’s grip grows tighter. Immediately, Ashton puts himself between the two, dropping her hand in favor of pulling the man’s off of her and pushing him back. As soon as she’s freed, she stumbles back, heart still racing, and watches Ashton shoo away everyone who hasn’t already taken their cue to leave.

Once they are gone, he turns back to her, concern pinching his features. “Are you alright?” he asks softly, lightly brushing his fingertips over the bright red marks left on her elbow.

“I’m okay,” she says quickly, “just a little shaken up— I wasn’t expecting that.” Her reply comes almost too fast for Ashton to believe her, but he just nods, drawing her closer to him, pressing a quick kiss to her forehead before continuing toward the pier.

Their silence is comfortable as they walk, filling the long stretches between bits of small talk.

Occasionally, a fan will ask Ashton for a picture, and Hylla happily takes the photos, opting to stay behind the camera, despite several invitations to join them.

They eventually find themselves at a picnic table, their gazes drifting between each other and the water.

“I’m actually kind of surprised we didn’t get more questions today,” she mentions, absentmindedly running her nails through the groves in the worn wood.

Ashton shrugs, drumming his own fingers on his thigh. “They usually aren’t the type to pry, but those pictures are probably trending by now.”

“I suppose it’s nice how they don’t track you everywhere. I imagine that would get old.”

“It can when it happens a lot, like when we’re on tour. Usually, it screws up plans more than anything.” He pauses for a second, taking in the sounds of the boardwalk before looking back to her. “So, I still don’t know much about you. Where are you from?”

“I grew up in Long Beach. My mom grew up in the LA area, but my dad is actually from Puerto Rico.”

“Puerto Rico, I think you might have mentioned that last week.”

She raises her eyebrows a bit, shocked he remembered. “Yeah, I did.”

“Does that mean you speak Spanish?”

His voice is genuinely curious, but Hylla can’t help but tease, “How original, no one has ever asked me that before. But, yes, I speak Spanish.”

“Well, I’m sorry I asked,” he says, holding up his hands in mock surrender. “I feel like you mentioned your mom, too. Are you a family-oriented person?”

“Yeah, my entire family is pretty close.”

“Mine, too. Do you have any siblings?”

“Two brothers and a sister, plus a few cousins I’m super close with.”

Ashton gave a quick glance around, making sure everyone was out of earshot before speaking. “This whole thing must be hard then, not being able to talk about this.”

“A little, but I’m honestly so busy I don’t get to see them half as often as I’d like to even have to avoid talking about it. I assume it’s gonna get even harder with this being public now.” Hylla spoke quietly, also concerned about potential eavesdroppers. “This probably isn’t the place for this conversation.”

“You’re probably right,” He said, standing up from the table. “Should we move this somewhere more private?”

He held out a hand, which she took, lacing her fingers in his as they made their way back up the pier. “What other things should you know about me?”

“Well, apparently you speak Spanish. Any other fun talents you’ve been hiding from me?”

“You already know I do art. That takes up most of my time.”

“Other than tattoos, what kind of art do you like to do?”

“Uh, a little bit of everything, I guess? I do a lot of digital things because they’re the easiest to get to clients that commission me, and I can print them into stencils. I paint, sometimes. As long as I have a pen and something to write on, I’ll doodle. How about you? Any random talents you’re holding out on?”

“Nothing spectacular. I can whistle really well, but I suppose that goes with the music thing.”

They spend the rest of the walk back to the car chatting, talking just enough to fill the silence. They had almost made it back to the car when they saw a few more paps; though, they appeared to be less pushy than the ones they encountered earlier.

Hylla’s first reaction was to ignore them, avoiding direct eye contact, but Ashton smiled at them, politely telling them he would answer any of their questions. She was honestly surprised they left graciously, allowing the pair to go about their business.

Ashton opened her door for her, allowing her to climb into the passenger seat before getting in the car himself. Neither of them spoke until Ashton pulled into traffic. “Are you doing okay? I know all of this can be overwhelming.”

Hylla shrugged, running her fingertips over the seams of the center council. “I’m fine, I wasn’t really as prepared for dealing with them as I originally thought, but it’s something I’ll just learn with time, I guess. Honestly, the fact that they just left when you asked them to really shocked me.”

“They aren’t all quite as pushy as the ones this morning,” Ashton assured her. He made quick glances at her while he drove, debating whether he could hold her hand without people around. “The shoving and mobbing is something we hardly ever have to deal with around here, and security is usually with us in places where the pushy ones like to show. Speaking of which, how’s your arm?”

Hylla hadn’t really had much time to think over the morning’s events, so she was surprised to see how dark the bruises were when she looked down. “It looks worse than it feels. It’ll probably be pretty sore tomorrow, though.”

“Once we park, I can take a look at it. I might have something at home that could take care of them.” He couldn’t help but feel guilty, partially responsible for what had happened. “We probably should have iced it earlier, stopped it from getting this bad.”

Hylla shook her head, shrugging off his concern. “It really doesn’t hurt, Ash. It’s not a big deal.”

“I know, but I hate that they hurt you. I should have expected something like this.” He speaks quietly, shifting his eyes back to the road.

“This isn’t your fault, Ash,” she said, not even thinking as she put her hand over his on the gearshift. “You know that, right? I signed up for this. This whole thing doesn’t need to make me your responsibility.”

Ashton’s fluttering heart sank at her words, feeling pushed away. “I know that we really aren’t that close, that I don’t necessarily need to, but I’m still worried about you, and I still care that you got hurt.” His face is red as he pulls into a park’n’ride, catching her gaze before quickly averting his eyes. “Is it okay if I take a look at your arm?” His words are cautious, not wanting to overstep any boundaries or make her uncomfortable.

“That’s fine, Ash.” She twists slightly in her seat to face him more and whisks the knuckles of her uninjured arm over his cheek to bring his attention back to her face. “And, thank you for caring, even if you don’t really have to.”

“Of course, Hylla. I’m not about to just ignore you as soon as we aren’t in public, even if I technically can.” He speaks softly, but with a tone of finality that affirms his words.

Hylla hums softly in response, taking more reassurance from his words than she realized she had needed.

He takes his time inspecting her bruises, softly grazing them with his fingers. Ashton sighs, his tone softer when he continues. “I know I wasn’t particularly pleasant when we first met, scratch that, I was a total douche, and there isn’t an excuse for that, but I really would like us to be friends, to be able to enjoy each other’s company if we’re going to be spending so much time together.”

“I completely understand why you acted the way you did that first day; I probably would have reacted the same way if our roles were reversed. You didn’t get a choice in the situation, and I was the person they were forcing onto you, so you lashed out. I’m not upset about you having feelings, Ashton, and I also want to be able to enjoy each other’s company throughout this.” She paused in a way that suggested she wasn’t done talking, but couldn’t bring herself to suggest that their relationship could go further than just friends.

Hylla was snapped from her thoughts when Ashton’s gentle hold on her arm trailed, taking her hand in his, drawing her gaze back to his. “I’m glad we both want that.” He wore a light smile on his face, gently stroking her hand with his thumb as he spoke. “Those bruises are getting kind of gnarly. Want to maybe get some food and head back to mine so I can clean them up?”

His tone is meek, bracing himself from the rejection he feared, expecting her to ask him to just bring her home. Despite her reassurance that she understood, he still was worried he had screwed over anything that could have ever possibly happened between them with his behavior.

“That sounds good.” She squeezes his hand, smiling at him. He sighs lightly with relief, taking her acceptance of his offer as a good sign. With a small, mischievous smile, she mutters, “Feels good, too.”

Ashton barks a loud, sudden laugh and throws his head back, completely caught off guard by the change in mood. He continues to giggle as he pulls back into traffic, heading toward his house. “A pun at my expense? Already?” He trails off into a fit of giggles, his smile growing further. “Oh, you are just gonna love the guys.”

Ashton falters, worried he’s jumped too far ahead of himself, despite the fact that they both knew that she would be meeting the guys sooner rather than later, but Hylla's unfazed. “It’ll probably be even harder for you to keep this from them than it will be for me to keep it from my family.”

Her comment throws him— he hadn’t even considered the fact that he couldn’t tell the guys about the nature of their relationship. “I guess we never did finish that conversation, did we?”

She shrugs off the question, hiking one knee to her chest and leaning against the door. “I don’t really know what else to say. I mean, it’s going to suck keeping this from them, but what more is there to dwell on, really?”

Ashton takes a quick glance over at her, sensing that the situation bothered her more than she was letting on, but decides not to push the matter. “Tell me about them.”

Hylla tilts her head just enough to stare, quirking her eyebrow at his request.

“They’re clearly important to you, so, tell me about them.” She smiles, shaking her head as she thinks.

“Well, Kendall is the oldest, she’s 28. She loves to tease, and is bossy as hell, but her heart is always in the right place. Micah’s 26. He can be a little protective, but lets me get away with everything because he’s a total softy. Kian’s only twenty, but protective to the point of overbearing and likes following the rules. He loves playing tough guy, and hates acknowledging that I can handle myself. Issac and Lydia are my cousins, but we spent so much time together as kids that we’re practically siblings. Lydia is 27, and Issac’s my age— actually, he’s two days younger than me and I will never let him forget it.”

Ashton smiles as she rambles, listening attentively to her stories with the people she cares so much about.

She trails off in the middle of a story from her childhood, blushing when she realizes they’ve stopped in Ashton’s driveway. “Sorry, I got a little carried away.”

“Don’t be. They sound amazing.” They both exit the car, walking up to the house. “I wish I got to see my family more, but the guys are like my brothers, now.”

Ashton opens the door for Hylla, stepping in behind her and dropping his keys into a bowl by the door. He kicks off his shoes, and Hylla follows suit before continuing to stand awkwardly, unsure of how to proceed.

Ashton shows her to the kitchen, telling her to make herself comfortable before disappearing upstairs to grab some things for her arm. Hylla perches herself on a stool at his counter, pulling out her phone to see the pictures of them starting to trend.

Ashton returns carrying an assortment of first aid supplies. He chuckles lightly when she shows him her screen, mildly impressed that they’ve already seemed to have identified her, along with several of her socials.

“Twitter really is better than the FBI, aren’t they?” He nods, pulling a stack of takeout menus from a drawer.

“What are you feeling for lunch?” he asks, flipping several of the menus to face her.

She glances up from her scrolling, returning her phone to her pocket. “I’m not picky, but I’m always a sucker for Thai.” She pulls a few menus from the stack, allowing Ashton to pick from those.

Once they’d placed their orders, Ashton sits facing her, inspecting her bruises again. He holds her arm gently, careful not to put more pressure than necessary on the sore area. He rubs a balm over it before wrapping it with a soft ice pack, smiling at her gently.

“You really need to stop feeling so guilty about this, Ash.” Her words stun him, and he meets her eyes again. “This is not your fault, and your guilty face is making me sad.” She jokingly pouts at him, earning herself a giggle.

“I know,” he sighs lightly and sits up straighter, twisting to face the counter, “but I can’t help but feel bad that being around me got you hurt.” He has his own small pout, fuming over the incident.

“It’s a bruise, Ashton. It’s not even that bad.” She moves the compress, poking it harshly to prove her point, but the small wince she makes nullifies it. “Okay, maybe it’s a bad bruise, but I’ll be fine. I’ve probably given myself worse bruises running into tables, so you can stop worrying so much.”

Ashton resituates the compress, holding it there to keep her from moving it again. “Was awful to you that first day, and now this happened. I can’t help but think that you're gonna hate me if this sort of thing keeps happening.”

“I’m not a dog, Ash. A few bad days aren’t gonna train me to hate you.” She chuckles a bit, smiling warmly. “I already told you that I’m not mad about you being in a mood that first day and that this isn’t your fault. You don’t need to be so hard on yourself.” She reaches out to cup his face, rubbing her thumb over his cheekbone soothingly.

Her touch feels natural, and Ashton has to restrain himself from leaning into it. “I’ll try to stop worrying so much, but you need to leave your ice pack on so it actually starts healing,” he teases, placing his hand on her knee, brushing the inside of it with his thumb.

“Deal.”

They remain in a comfortable silence for a bit, enjoying each other’s touch within their own little bubble, until the doorbell rings, startling them both. They jump apart guiltily, breaking their worry free bliss, and they both flush. Ashton sighs lightly before moving to answer the door, already missing her touch.

Hylla readjusts in her seat, trying to process the moment they shared. She ached to return to it, to pursue a romance outside of their contract without regard for the consequences, but she chastised herself, unable to push her worries from her mind. No matter what happened between them in private, they would be forced to regularly see each other until their contract expired, and she wasn’t sure she could keep something like that to herself for so long.

Ashton comes back with their takeout a minute later, firmly refusing to allow Hylla to pay him back for her meal. Once they are both settled with their food, he rekindles their conversation for a third time. “Tell me more about your family.”

Hylla thinks for a moment on what she should start with, surprised at how interested he is. “Well, my dad’s family is from Puerto Rico; They moved here when he was eleven. My mom’s family came over from Southern Europe before the first world war. They’re both deeply connected to their cultures, so we have a lot of strong traditions. Between running the shop and now this, I don’t get to see them half as often as I’d like, but we try to make a point of doing big family dinners as often as we can— which you will most definitely be getting dragged to at some point in the near future. There is no way they will let me get away with not bringing you around more than once, now that we’re public.”

Ashton chuckles, heart fluttering at the prospect of meeting the people that were so important to her. “Well, I’ll give it a week at most before the guys start showing up here unannounced to try and meet you, so I guess we’re even there.”

“Speaking of meeting people, we’re going to need a solid story of how we met because my family will pick up on anything that doesn’t quite match up, so our details need to be on point without seeming rehearsed.”

“The guys won’t necessarily need details, but if the situation seems weird, they’re gonna start asking questions we probably won’t be able to answer.”

“So we need details and a vibe.”

They sit quietly, only the sounds of their chewing disturbing the thoughtful silence as they run through scenarios. They occasionally bounce a few ideas off each other, shooting down the ones that would spark too many questions, before settling on meeting at a farmers market they both occasionally shop at.

They discuss the details of the meeting, occasionally jotting down details to remember, until long after their food has been finished. The conversations strayed frequently, and Hylla longed to hear more about the man beside her, who she suspected was holding something back, giving few details of his own life when she tries to reciprocate his curious nature.

Even after the details had been arranged, their conversation flowed easily, but Ashton remained reserved, worried if he shared too many of his own experiences, he’d lose sight of what he has in common with Hylla. He could recognize so much of himself within her— valuing her connections to her family and culture, the strong sense of creativity she pursued— despite the fact that they led completely different lives, and he clung to that connection, terrified she would lose what little interest in him he hopes she has without it.

What Hylla does learn about him is mundane, but she adores the knowledge, nonetheless, They exchange random favorites— foods, movies, authors— and other small things, keeping their conversation light until Hylla decides she’s stayed her welcome.

Upon arriving home, she immediately takes Karma for a walk, taking some time to think over the predicament Ashton presented. She’s close with her family, and has never been good at hiding things from them. If one of them directly pointed out something was weird about the couple, she isn’t sure she will be able to keep up the act.

Her worries continue to pester her as she sets things up in the shop for the next morning, and while she attempts to sleep. Eventually, after giving into her insomnia, she pulls a sketchbook from the pile on her desk and settles back on top of the comforter to draw.

She doesn’t pay as much mind to what she’s drawing as she does to blending each part into a single piece. She starts with thin line work, dainty lines flowing to the edges of uncompleted figures, but quickly switches to thicker, bolder marks, all but overtaking the delicate start to the piece. When she comes back from her place deep in her thoughts, and takes the time to examine what she’s done, she is shocked at the wholeness of the piece. Even without the detailing of a finished piece, it seems cohesive and clear-cut, as though it told a story.

The upper half of a wolf vaguely encircles the dainty, loopy outline of a girl holding a flor de maga, a Puerto Rican hibiscus flower, as though using it as a pen. The wolf’s teeth are bared, but its expression is soft and curious as it faces the girl, who appeared to be unbothered by the beast’s presence, focused on the image below them. In roughly the shape of a tiara, vague figures of half sketched people struggle toward a man holding a flag, standing firm against strong winds. The piece bleeds with emotion, feelings of passion, admiration, understanding, and inner strength.

Hylla stays up until the wee hours of the morning, shading and adding details to the piece until she feels as though she’s done it justice. It’s raw, and she doesn’t quite understand why the textures and patterns work together, but everything fits together in a way that satisfies her. Finally, she moves the sketchbook to her nightstand, sprawling out on the bed to get some sleep before she has to open the shop.

~~~

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leanarg · 4 years ago

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Practice Challenge II

((Hi again! So, these are 3 fics in one post! Including my first two rps with @ladyreggiewright (our very first one after ages not doing this so asdfghk) and with @wylan-caldwell I had so much fun doing both, so thank you, guys! <3 Thanks for reading too, hope you enjoy them as much as I stuggled writing them ;P Google Docs link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ARTjqveFJ1njDc2LL0PU4C0ShN2jlO9JC1Imt9MDTh8/edit?usp=sharing ))

A CHANGE OF LUCK

“Alright, y’all ready?” Rita said with a loud voice vibrating with nervousness. “The speeches are over. In the next block, Prince Arin will be picking the names.” That was her fifth lap around the entertainment office floor and she just couldn’t stop repeating what Vandy Post had already announced before each round of commercials. I knew she was trying to act authoritative, but seeing her in this state was always amusing.

It wasn’t unusual that the building was bursting with energy this late at night. The pre-press team always stayed working on putting together the bulldog broadsheets content and adding the last details, then sent the whole thing before the deadline to the press team operating on the last floor, where they were all in charge of the printing process. I would dare to say there was activity in this place 24/7. But this particular night, we were focused on The Report. The streets looked almost empty from up here, everyone was at home in front of their TV waiting for the names of the lucky girls randomly picked by a drawing of names out of different crystal boxes. 35 provinces, 35 boxes, 35 names.

My attention had been focused on Arin’s stern expression. His life was about to be decided by fate, or as many people want to call it, destiny. I wonder what was he thinking, standing there expressionless, willing to uphold his duty.

Is he excited? Is he nervous? Is he wishing he could run away from that room and leave all this tradition behind?

My name was inside of one of the boxes, so I should had been even more anxious and edgy than Rita herself, but, after the PET Gala fiasco, where: I hadn’t gotten the clues I was so close to getting, I hadn’t finished the job I was supposed to be doing and my one month salary had been reduced to half; I was certain that whoever was in charge of my luck was not very fond of me.

“They are back!” Rita shouted as soon as Arin’s face reappeared. Everyone in the room fell silent. I scoffed a laugh when I noticed them unconsciously leaning slightly towards the big tv, but I ended up doing the same after adjusting my glasses. One by one the basic information of the selected were being transcribed from the screen to our devices as Arin picked out their papers.

<< “From Allens, Idalia Moretti, from Angeles, Emily Rose White,... from Honduragua, Callia Adair…” >>

My fingers were moving fast across my cellphone’s keyboard. These were the girls we would be hearing a lot about from now on and I needed to know everything about them.

<< “From Labrador, Lea…” >>

I froze. My head felt dizzy trying to take in what I had just heard. For the shortest of seconds, everyone’s eyes were on me. I could hear Rita’s voice instructing them to get back to work and maybe someone else was now in charge of The Globe’s blog but at that moment I couldn’t care less about that.

It’s really happening... I made it to the selection!

Finally, I could stand up. I was feeling so much energy inside me that I wanted to run. Suddenly, the lift made a sound and my dad came quickly out of it and … wait, my mom is here? She was carrying my sleepy little brother, Dean.

I could read the shock on my parents’ faces.“I’m in!!” I said a little too loud but since Mr. Grant was there no one dared to complain. My dad let out a short laugh before extending his arms for an embrace. “Congratulations, Rosie, I knew it would happen, didn’t I tell you V?” He said to my mom. “Grants always get what they want.”

Ugh, I wish. But I wasn’t going to argue with him right now, so I just offered him a wink.

As soon as my father let go, my mom surrounded me with her free arm. “So how does it feel to be a lady, huh? We have to celebrate this!”

“Well, do ladies feel hungry this late? Cause I wasn’t feeling it a moment ago.” “Yes, let’s leave these guys to work in peace.” my dad said suddenly remembering where we were. After clearing his throat as if that simple gesture was a switch between the dad and the boss, he talked with Rita to make sure someone had replaced me updating the blog, then he congratulated everyone for their dedication and finally wished them good night. “I just hope you are paying me the full day,” I said to my dad as we all headed outside.

“I mean, are you working right now?” He raised an eyebrow, mockingly.

I sighed “I guess Grants can’t always get what they want after all.” And I meant it in more than one way.

The next week ran fast. My father and I agreed that I had to keep going to the office as usual, but it wasn’t easy to balance my work and my phone ringing every 5 minutes. More than once I had to ride home in the middle of the day because someone was waiting for me at home.

First, a man with a very peculiar face came to do some kind of interrogation, which was understandable until we got to the most uncomfortable, personal ones. I almost spit my coffee laughing until I realized he had no intention to leave until he got every answer to each one of the questions on his list.

Like him, I received a tailor and a doctor; but it wasn’t until the press started to ask for interviews when I realized my life had made a turn of 360 degrees.

The thing I lamented the most about this odd schedule was that I couldn’t travel to the provinces to interview some of the selected as we had planned, but I did take advantage of every opportunity I had to do deep research about them.

Some of the names or last names could be found on old newspaper editions, there were tragedies, accomplishments, unfortunate events… I smiled to myself, while I made annotations on my journal, fascinated by all the different interesting lives that were about to gather under the same roof. And I guess somehow that included mine.

The farewell party organized by Labrador’s Mayor seemed more like a political campaign than a real party. I might have fallen asleep during his speech if I hadn’t been texting Harris for the 40th time that week.

The last time I knew something about him was the night of the announcement when he sent me a simple “Congratulations, Lady Lea.” Then as the photographer, he had to go with Rea to the half-tour over the country to cover the selected interviews.

“How dare you not be here when you are needed,... you lucky mooncalf.”

I looked up to see the crowd from my place on the big platform set in the middle of the Amberly park. It hadn’t been a very good idea, because there were grey clouds gathering over us and the sun was partially covered by them already.

Someone forgot to check the weather section today.

But the trees surrounding us were decorated with purple and green metallic balloons -the colors of our province- and there were several signs with good wishes so I appreciated the effort.

Everyone was here; The Globe employees that didn’t like me at all, my family on the first row, my college best friend, Liv had made space on her busy schedule to come to the event, even my grandmother had sent his chauffeur with presents. That was her way to show support and I honestly didn’t have any complaints. After the Mayor’s speech, the great boss Maxwell Loyd took the microphone to speak, I rolled my eyes, not caring about the people in front of me. He didn’t waste this opportunity to promote himself and flatter me. I mean, if he really had thought all that about me I would have had a promotion and a raise already, instead I just got ridiculous instructions and a handshake.

When they both finally finished, the rain had started to pour, plus it was almost time for me to leave for the airport. I buttoned my coat before taking my place behind the microphone to start talking, but the eyes of the lady in charge of my schedule forced me to skip until the end of the speech I had prepared the night before. Every time I was going to make it sound deep and sentimental she made a sign for me to hurry.

“I appreciate your support… I will do my best… thank you for coming.”

Were the only complete sentences I managed to say under such pressure. There was clapping and cheering afterwards, but there was after the previous boring speeches as well, so I didn’t get too excited about that.

“Have a good time, my Lea.” My mother said after kissing my brow. I could smell her sweet perfume that I was going to miss. “I will, mom. Take care, I’m only leaving cause I know you are going to be in charge.” I side eyed the two men of the house. Then I kissed my little brother and messed his blond hair. “Bye bye little toad.” He just babbled something and waved his little hand.

“So, Lady Grant. What do you expect from Prince Arin? Do you secretly plan to drink all the coffee from the Angele’s Palace? Rumor has it your father won’t let you marry until you turn 48 years old do you think Your Highness would wait for you that long?” “Wow, Mr. Grant you ask pretty basic questions, I have been asked the same ones all week.” He gave me a big tight hug and I ignored the wool of his coat feeling itchy on my cheek. “I’m very proud of you Leana, and of course I’m not talking about this selection situation… I’m sorry about-” I stopped him not wanting to have our little disagreements as today’s last memory. And I also hoped I could change his mind by the time I returned home. “We can talk about that when I come back, dad.” He nodded. “I’m starting to feel bad for our dear Prince Arin.” I scoffed a laugh.

“Lady Grant, we are past the established hours already.” I heard a lady behind me.

I turned to my friend Liv with an apologetic expression but she just smiled and waved. “I will text you… Bye! The rain started to fall harder but I had read the weather section on the paper this morning so I was properly dressed with boots and a coat over my white shirt and black pants.

I walked towards a guard who was holding an opened umbrella to cover us with it. He opened the door of the car. Then he offered to take my bag for me, but I had packed some of my old journals in there among my personal things. “Thank you… What’s your name?” “Finn Ray, my lady.” He answered confused. “I will keep this here with me, Finn.” I said in what I hoped was a reassuring tone before entering the car. I guessed he was new at guarding selected, because I noticed him turning to look at the woman in charge of the schedule. She nodded once at him and joined me inside the limousine.

By the time we got to the airport I had learned that our chauffeur was called Alan Cobb, he had been working for the palace for 3 years on special occasions. He had three kids and his wife was expecting a baby girl.

The strict lady was Miss Ramirez, she was happily single, obviously tardiness was her biggest pet peeve and she had worked there for 6 years already, but she enjoyed her job and had never thought of doing anything else, although I didn’t quite understand exactly which was her role in the royal offices of Labrador.

She left me at the boarding door after wishing me luck.

The flight to Angeles was long. I shared a plane with 3 others selected, that seemed pretty decent at first sight.

We had a polite introduction conversation before we took off, but then everyone focused on her own thing; Jen Li, -the Yale law student from Waverly- took advantage of the 8 hours flight to sleep. Alana Hansen looked out from the window almost the whole time lost in her thoughts, and based on the green tone on Regina Wright’s face I guessed she was a risky company for the moment.

I remembered I had read about her parents' unfortunate plane accident in an old newspaper, they used to be famous politicians and she was an apple that had fallen close to the tree. Hopefully not too close.

So, considering my options I prefer to write in my journals during the whole trip.

As soon as we arrived we were hurried to a room for makeovers. For me it felt more like a day in the salon, nothing drastic was made, just a few lights on my hair, perfect makeup and a stunning blue dress with matching elegant pump heels shoes.

They did insisted on giving me contact lenses, since I had forgotten to pack mine, so after a long argument with the stylist, Mariel, I decided to wear the contacts and let him enjoy “his creation”.

In the end, despite the little changes, when he showed me my reflection in the mirror, I had to recognize I was content with the upgraded version of me.

ESSENTIAL RESEARCH

The tour around the palace was quite short considering its size. I was almost sure that it was bigger on the inside than it looked on the outside, but the curiosity to see my new room, made me settle with the basic information,

I took a glance down at the little map on my hand. Eloise Hall room 28, second floor. As I headed to the stairs, the decorations and fancy details surrounding me were impossible to ignore. With every step you could find paintings by famous old artists -my mother admired- hanging on the walls, expensive vases and beautiful furniture.

Looking around I spotted one of the selected quickly scribbling some notes in a notebook. As I got closer I noticed she was my plane mate, Regina Wright. Her green tone had disappeared or maybe covered with makeup and she looked much more secure now that we were down here on earth soil.

I laughed a little bit inside walking by her side “Hope whatever you are writing is worth a bump on your head.”

“I hope so too” She said absentmindedly, not looking up from her notebook. After some seconds she took a short look at me, flipped through her notebook and quickly closed it before I could react and lean discreetly to read what she was working on.

Okay, now I’m curious.

“Excuse me, hi. Leana is it?” She gave me a polite smile.

“Yes, feeling better... Regina..? I asked faking ignorance.

She looked at me as she didn’t know why I was asking her that but then just answered, “Splendid. But please, call me Reggie.”

We continue walking up the stairs towards the second floor, while we shook hands,

“I'm Leana Grant but you can call me Lea or Lee” I said touching the arc of my glasses I had put back on as soon as I left the makeover room.

She nodded. “Alright, Lea. Journalist, correct?” She made her pen click as if she was going to start writing again. I frowned, puzzled. “You too?”

She chuckled at the question as if I should already know who she was. And the truth was, I did.

“No,” she finally said, opening her notebook again, adding something, then she continued. “So, what brings you here?”

I was sure Reggie had many qualities but subtlety wasn’t one of them.

I pressed my lips together, thinking about my motives, which one of them should I tell her? I’m here as an inside informant for The Globe; or, I’m here to live and learn about this whole selection phenomenon… I didn’t even know which one was the right answer. “... just figured I couldn't miss this whole thing, you know.”

Half- truths are always safe.

“Are you here for politics?” I added before she could even think about my answer.

She looked pleasantly surprised by my question, clearing her throat. “Yes, that is one of the reasons.” She narrowed her eyes at me. “You did your research.”

I guess it was my turn to feel recognized, but unlike her I didn’t want to be so obvious, so I shrugged. “Your name rang a bell.”

She looked at me suspiciously, lifting her chin, a slight movement I didn’t quite understand. “Is that so? That's good, I suppose. Best to be prepared.”

“Maybe you are right, I guess you actually did your research. What do you have about me?” I asked directly now, pointing at her notebook casually.

She remained serious. “Oh, just the usual. Occupation, caste, age. Name, obviously. There's 35 of us after all. Would be a shame to get anyone mixed up.”

“Well, now most of us are threes and the twos are pretty well known.”

“Yes well, obviously. Was to be expected. It's still an appropriate mix.”

Her statement made me remember her parents somehow, obviously she had their school but I wonder how much she agreed with them. “That’s... a word to describe it, yes.” I answered incredulous, “So where are you staying?” I asked, as I noticed I have already found my room.

We discovered we were room neighbors which I decided was very convenient for me. I liked people who have answers to my questions.

She was concerned about my acoustic guitar hobby and I assured her I hadn’t brought mine with me. “The music room will do.” And she assured me her studying was going to be silent.

The conversation continued but my curiosity was already unbearable, so I opened the door of my room to check it out. I didn’t want to be rude so I invited Reggie inside as we talked.

“What are you working on?” I stepped inside

She followed. “Political Science Major.”

I gave her a glance to let her know that was not the answer I was looking for.

She blinked with realization. “Oh, I see I misunderstood. Well, actually I was just writing a paper on the pros and cons of capitalism and if our country should focus more on it like we did when we were still called the 'United States'” She air quoted the name.

I looked around my room considering her answer. Suddenly my eyes met with three maids standing in line in the middle of the room. When they saw us they made a courtesy and I nodded at them as a greeting, hoping we can have proper introductions later.

“Hmm the lesser of evils... but the United States not exactly an example to be followed.” I said to Reggie.

“Exactly.” She said. I noticed her writing a mark in her notebook.

“A-are you like grading me?” I dared to ask what I had suspected since the beginning, but I didn’t want to believe. It was shocking at first but after the third mark it became amusing.

“Who else do you have in there?” I asked curiously before running next to her to peek at her notebook. She closed it again. When I looked at her she smiled at me awkwardly “No, of course not. Just remembered something.” Her notebook was behind her back, now out of my reach. She straightened her shoulders before adding, “Well, thank you kindly for your invitation, glad to have met you…”

I stayed there confused, Had I gotten it wrong? Or was I right and she didn’t want me to know? Anyway, I should have said nothing. “Alright ... glad to meet you too, see you around.” I said worried that she might be uncomfortable now.

She nodded as she headed to the door. One of the maids hurried to hold the door for her.

I frowned concerned, I couldn’t just lose a source like her. “Wait for me tomorrow, I think we can walk to the dining room together.”

She turned to give me a frown, seemingly confused by my suggestion. “But I already know where it-” then she smiled. “I will.”

As soon as Reggie left I took out the journal from the pocket of my dress and tossed on the pretty desk by a large window where I peered at the view of the Angeles city.

FOR THE RECORD.

After introductions my maids brought me dinner up to my room. So while I was eating the best creamy mustard chicken I ever had, we had a little chat.

Among other things we talked about I expressed my surprise when I didn’t see any Royals when we arrived. Liberty, Camila and confirmed the Schreaves didn’t plan to meet any selected tonight, we would have to wait until morning. Queen Anjeli and Princess Ayesha had to leave the palace to attend important matters and Wylan Caldwell in spite of not being a selected was currently living in the Palace. Back in Labrador, I managed between college, work and extra work to fill my schedule, my mother never liked me being out of the house so late at night or sometimes not being able to have a complete breakfast in the morning, I enjoyed being busy and drive my Vespa from one place to another, but it was hard for me to admit that one of the reasons I liked my life that way was that besides when I was concentrated writing notes on my iTypewriter; I was not good at being alone with my thoughts. That’s why when I was a child my mother bought me a ukulele to play when I was feeling anxious, which gave excellent results. Later when I entered college I took a short guitar course with the same purpose.

Therefore, later that afternoon, when my maids went back to their chores, leaving me alone I decided to leave my room to check out the music room, as I promised Reggie I would do.

It took me some minutes to find the right door downstairs but my memory had never failed me and it wasn’t going to start now.

I opened the third door in the west hall and peeked inside. I felt relieved when I saw the big piano in the last corner and dared to walk inside. Besides the piano, there were several instruments resting on their stands spread around the room, most of them to play classical music, but luckily, an acoustic guitar was among them. I was going to pick it up to test it when I spotted shelves full of old vinyl records.

I walked towards the vinyl record player, it had a beautiful vintage look, it’s big horn imitated the ancient gramophones used during the Victorian years, but I suspected to be a more recent model.

I noticed someone had left a classic record on, I wonder which one of the Royals had been listening to it as I moved the tonearm onto the outer edge of the disk, the little diamond tip to touch the groove.

I guess I still remember how to use one of this.

I stretched my arm and pulled one of the discs from the upper shelf, the others came down with it and << "KNEEE-KNEEE!!" >>

The blaring sound of violins vibrated around the room making me wince for the annoying sound filling my ears.

“Damn!” I covered my ears while trying to find a way to turn the bloody record player off before my head exploded. Overwhelmed by the sound I went on my knees and stretched my hand behind the furniture looking desperately for the plug, but before I could find any the music stopped.

I stood up still touching my ears

Have I gone deaf?

“I take you didn’t mean to do that.” I heard someone say behind me.

Okay, I haven’t

I turned around to find a guy eyeing me warily, from the corner of my eye I noticed a laptop and a couple of heavy leather books that weren't on the table before.

“I was considering turning it on but it made the decision for me,” I said without explaining.

At that moment, a couple of guards came into the room alarmed. They scanned the room quickly before looking at us puzzled.

Wylan followed my gaze and turned to them, slightly. “Just a mishap. We’re fine.” He acknowledged with a wave of his hand. I let out a sigh of relief as they left the room to return to their posts.

“First time using a record player?” He asked to continue teasing

I gave him a deadpan look. “Ha-ha I take that the last person who played it had some hearing problems.” Before I crouched to pick up the rest of the vinyl records still scattered on the carpeted floor, I noticed a smile tugging at his lips that didn’t last.

In a minute he was bending in front of me to help. “You picked some good ones.”

Suddenly we looked at each other for a second, I narrowed my eyes suspiciously at his for a second trying to figure any sign of sarcasm in them, and he just had the word “awkward” written all over his face. Obviously I was making him feel uncomfortable.

I would have laughed if I hadn’t been so busy trying to read him.

“I like classics- acoustic to be precise.” I finally said with a shrug. “Do you own any of these?”

“This John Mayer one is mine. I have some other ones too. They’re over there.” He gestured to the rack behind me, then stood up with the vinyls he helped pick up.

I raised my eyebrow and nodded approvingly. “You have some taste, I will give you that.” I looked up at him, waiting for him to offer his hand for me to help me stand, but apparently living in a castle was no guarantee of anything, so I just stood up slowly, brushing my dress.

“Some were gifts I grew to love.” He acknowledged, holding the vinyls out for me. “I��d recommend keeping the volume down before you turn it on next time.”

I took the discs to put them back in its place on the shelves “Well, you should put a sign somewhere,” I joked, a bit annoyed by his recommendation.

I adjusted my glasses and stayed standing there, admiring the vinyl records once more. My curious mind wondered about the Prince. “Which ones are Arin’s?”

“I’m not sure. He might not own any.” I caught him glancing at his things he had left on the table before back to me. “Might be a good question to ask him yourself.”

Or you’re just evading the question. But fortunately, one of the things my job had teached me was to have thick skin so I wasn’t going to let him get away so easily.

“You really don’t know or you don’t want to tell me?” I asked with an amusing tone.

He let out a small sigh, relenting a bit. “He likes The Killers. There’s probably a vinyl or two of those in here if you really need a good conversation starter.”

I faked a grimace “ugh! that piece of information should’ve hurt…” I said mockingly before adding. “I guess some advice for tomorrow’s interview is completely out of the table.”

“Depends on what advice you’re looking for,” he let out, surprising me.

I started to walk around the room still looking at him, considering my answer. “I don’t know, you are his friend... knowing a little bit about his personality would help,” I said casually, as if I didn’t already have thousands of questions listed in my head.

But somehow he knew I did. “I’ll answer one question you have. Just one.”

“So generous …” I said more to myself than to him. My hand went unconsciously inside the pocket on my dress and my fingers touched my journal inside of it, purely out of habit. Of course, I wasn’t going to take it out so I crossed my hands in front of me as I resumed my walking around the room.

“Okay…” In my mind I was looking for a single question that could indirectly tell me things about Arins personality … and why not about Mr. Uncomfortable himself too.

“How do you start getting along back in college, like how did you become friends?”

Suddenly he let out a laugh, startling me. I frowned at first, but then I decided it wasn’t so bad, it picked my curiousness further.

I looked at him genuinely amused and he begined, “We were both going for runs and without knowing, I drifted a little too close. I was listening to music and not paying attention. His bodyguard sort of…” He paused to bring his fist to his neck simulating a punch. “And took me down.” I could see he was amused, for real.

I laughed picturing the scene on my mind, considering all his previous teasing and had to admit it was a little bit entertaining to do so. “Ouch! His bodyguard does look ... fierce.” I commented remembering the man’s complexion I had seen several times on TV.

I wait for him to continue before asking, “what happened next? What did Arin say?”

His smile was more like a ghost on his face now, not physically there but somehow still present. “He apologized. After that we found out we shared a couple classes together and I offered to help him study for exams.”

“That’s an epic story… I bet it left you marked for some days.” I made a grimace, touching my neck, imagining the pain.

“Swallowing hurt, to say the least,” he said, remembering. After a minute, he combed a hand through his hair. “ Did that satisfy your question?”

“Hmm yeah, it was good, for now” I answered scoffing a laugh. The truth was I didn’t expect to enjoy his story that much, but I just couldn’t settle with only one question, but it wasn’t convenient to push more questions on him now.

Fortunately he didn’t refuse, he just rolled his eyes at me, amused. “Alright, well I have to get back to work. At least try to not deafen the entire palace again.”

“I can’t promise anything.” I let out, finally taking the acoustic guitar from its stand, while he turned to gather his things.

“Reassuring.” He gave me a side glance and started walking out the room, he offered a two fingered salute before disappearing behind the opened door.

After a second, while looking down at the guitar already in place on my lap, I compelled, “Wylan... thanks!”

“You're welcome.”

I heard him say from the hallway just before I started strumming the guitar strings, hoping its sound was enough to help me survive the first night.

#OC 6 #PC part 2 #Reggie Wright #Wylan Caldwell #((thanks again to Cassey for reading and giving me some perspective ))

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cecilspeaks · 5 years ago

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156 - The Trouble with Time

‘tis better to have loved and lost Than to be slowly eaten whilst still alive. There are, on the whole, Many things worse than having loved and lost. Welcome to Night Vale.

Well, listeners, we have all been grappling with the same problem. Time has become normal in Night Vale, or as normal as time ever is. Time is pretty weird everywhere. As a result of this shift in our experience of time, none of us are remaining the same age for centuries anymore. We are aging one year per year, one month per month, one second per precious second. Every moment that passes our skin is less supple. Our mind is less pliant. Our joints ache just a little more.

The entire town is in an uproar, as we are all coming to terms with the idea of getting older. Gym memberships have soared. Everyone is talking at the same time and they’re all recommending green juice diets to each other. The City Council has tried to make ageing illegal, but it turns out this would be unconstitutional as the Supreme Court decided that slow deterioration of the mind and body is an American right.

I myself am not immune to these worries. When I think about what my life would be like after Carlos or, what his life would be like after me… These are the kinds of fears that can’t be shaken off by the light of day. That linger, even after all the shadows of evening have faded. Is love a gift in a finite world? I’d like to think so, but oh, my stomach is in knots. I’m sure your sis too.

And now a word from our sponsors. Afraid of ageing? Terrified of the tides of time? Spooked by the sequential nature of existence? Stop looking at the calendar and moaning. Sure, it may be cathartic to start every morning by picking up your alarm clock and shouting: “You are a murderer! Your numbers are murder weapons! I am the murder victim!” But it’s not helping you out. Instead, try lotion. Just lotion those limbs. Lotion that face. Got any other parts? Lotion them too. Rubbing lotion on yourself won’t stop time. It won’t end the inevitability of death. But when you die, you will be silky smooth, and folks will whispers: “Why, it doesn’t look like they’ve aged a single day.” Buy lotion now and we will send you a box of other things that will not stop you from dying, but will make you feel a little better on your way out the door. Such as fish oil pills, a pair of running shoes, and books with titles like “Get Happy Now, or Else”. Lotion – you can’t stop ageing, so settle on mitigating the surface appearance of ageing. And this has been ma word from our sponsors.

In a new press release, Night Vale resident Leah Shapiro announces the Mariam McDonald memoriam fund. This fund, in honor of the recently deceased Mariam, will be used to finally fulfil Mariam’s lifelong dream, a dream she did not live long enough to see come to fruition: the removal of all sand from the Sand Wastes. Mariam hated the sand, thought it looked frightfully untidy, and that it made a bad first impression for folks just coming to town. She could often be seen when she was alive out with her broom, dutifully sweeping the dunes into her dustpan, and depositing the result into a black trashbag. Obviously, this was slow going, but Leah has vowed to continue Mariam’s quest. “It’s a stupid wish, a real dumb one,” said Leah. “I hate it! I hate it so much, but I don’t know, it’s what Mariam wanted. And so I feel obligated for some reason to keep after it. God, this sucks!” Leah concluded. According to the press release, the Mariam McDonald Memorial Fund currently contains 3 dollars, and is not taking donations. Well, isn’t that the feelgood story of the year? Good luck, Leah. I do hope you get rid of all that sand. Mariam was right, sand is very untidy.

And now for the Children’s Fun Fact Science Corner. So today, we will be discussing how to tell whether something is a person. Here are simple tests that can be done at home with whatever you find in your parents’ cabinets when they don’t know you’re looking. Does it grow? It’s a person. Does it bend? It’s a person. Is it square or similar to a square? That’s a person. Nodes or nodules? Person. A frank and enticing laugh? Person. Can it hold liquid? Person. Is it a dog? Yup, that’s a person too. That ooze at the back of your closet? Not a person. We don’t know what hat is, best not to touch it, best not to think on it. Perhaps it is the thinking that gives it its power. This has been the Children’s Fun Fact Science Corner.

In response to the current “time is normal” crisis, many companies are moving in to offer services to alleviate ageing. Arby’s is suggesting that a regular diet of roast beef has been shown to extend life expectancy by up to 20 years. When they were asked who showed that and how they did so, Arby’s kind of mumbled and sad that they would have those sources for us soon, but in the meantime, come on down and buy yourself a meal.

A number of new gyms have opened up in town, promising advanced workouts that will keep the body and mind tiptop. There is an LA Fitness, also a 26 Hour Fitness, which promises workouts at any time day or night, plus two bonus hours every day that are only experienced by members. And local legend Louie Blasko has started what he calls a Crossfit gym, but it appears to be just the burned out remains of his old music store, untouched since the night of the fire. “Oh yeah,” Louie said. “You can really get a good workout in here, believe me.” His eyes flicked back and forth nervously.

A different angle is being taken by newcomer to town, Casper Rhodes. Casper says that he has conquered the ultimate obstacle: death itself. He does this by freezing the brain upon death until it can be resuscitated by advanced technologies of the future. “Cryogenics means never having to say ‘I’m dead’,” Casper declared, whirling around the red cape he wears and wiggling his eyebrows. “Oh yes, this is a completely real technology. Once you die, we simply and safely remove your bran and freeze it in here.” He indicated the disused grain silo on the edge of town. “That thing is full of brains,” he said. “And each of those brains will be reanimated to a bright and beautiful future hundreds of years from now, and you can too, for a mere 10,000 dollars. Payable upfront, no refunds offered.”

Suspicious journalists asked if they could take a peek in the grain silo and see if it was actually full of brains. But Mr. Rhodes blocked the door with his body. “Uh oh uh,” he said. “Opening the door would mess up the, uh, freezing process. Uh, wouldn’t want that to happen. You just have to trust us.” Hmmmmm.

And now traffic. It’s looking pretty clear on the roads right now. There isn’t a single car to be seen. The parking lots are barren, the highways are mere doodles of the gods without the roaring machines that give them purpose. Where did every car disappear to? We wonder this as we walk to work. Walk to school. Learning the limits and the capacity of our own legs, magnificent machines attached to our own bodies that we had long ago discounted, but now can only propel ourselves by the length of them. And then again and again, one after another. The hours pass and we gradually pass through them, and where are the cars? Did they ever exist? The factories where cars once were built are now full of robots with no purpose, arms ending in specialized tools and drills, all designed to construct a thing that no longer is there to be constructed. And so they bob and weave for nothing. In this way, perhaps, it could be said that they are dancing. To take purpose from a movement is to suggest the possibility of art within it, that perhaps the movement could have meaning merely for itself, but I ask again: where are the cars? Where did they go? Every other form of transportation still exists. Planes still claw their way into the stratosphere, while boats wobble on churning seas. Motorcycles even, given the compete freedom of the highway, tearing into the turns and straightaways at dangerous speeds, but no cars. Was it something we did? Is this our fault? At least there’s no traffic, I guess, and we’re all getting a little more time outdoors which is nice and, oh – Nevermind. The cars are back, all of them. Aaaall at once, driverless and speeding. Well, it’s nice to have them back. This has been traffic.

And now for corrections. In a previous editorial aired on this station, a reporter indicated his belief that peanut butter is a type of rock. That reporter sincerely believed, based on a half remembered lesson from elementary school that he now realizes might have actually been a cartoon he watched, that peanut butter along with sedimentary, metamorphic, and ignius was in fact one of the main types of rock. This reported harbored no ill intent when he lectured for what may or may not have been two hours about his belief that peanut butter was a type of rock. This well meaning reporter may have ignored several calls from his scientist husband, who was trying to get through to correct this completely understandable mistake. But the reporter was on such a roll that he didn’t even notice the calls coming in. Which could happen to anyone. The reporter may have even printed up posters for local schools showing the types of rock, with peanut butter prominently included. If that is the case, these schools should feel free to return the erroneous posters, or keep them, if they feel it might be in some way educational. In any case, the reporter in question regrets the error and now amidst that maybe, peanut butter isn’t a type of rock. Maybe that’s true. Decide for yourself. This has been corrections.

Casper Rhodes and his Quality Cryogenics Corporation continue to advertise their dubious service all over town. He has bought a billboard next to the Waterfront Recreation Area declaring: “A new life awaits you in the future”, with a picture of a disembodied brain that is somehow both smiling an giving a thumbs up, despite its lack of hands and mouth. The Quality Cryogenics Corporation strung a banner along the top of the disused grain silo on the edge of town saying the name of the company. Except the word “quality” has been misspelled, as has “corporation”. Listeners, I am not one to editorialize, not after the recent peanut butter debacle we’ve heard so much about. But it does not seem to me that this Mr. Rhodes is on the up and up. Nothing about this strikes me as a scientific operation, and trust me, I know from scientific operations. Despite these warning signs, a few people have in fact taken them up on their offer, including weekday shift managers at the Ralphs, Charlie Bear, whose lifetime ambition of becoming a ghost has recently curdled into a frantic fear of death. “I thought we had eternity. Now every minute spent is a minute lost,” Charlie said to me when I asked him if they had any more cilantro. So that was a bummer on my afternoon. I must warn everyone not to buy into this Casper charlatan’s lies. Cryogenically freezing brains is not going to save you. In fact, it is time for me to bust this scam wide open. I will sneak into the disused grain silo, and I will tel you what is inside. Then all of us will know the truth.

As I head over there, Let’s all head over To the weather.

[“Revolution Lover” by Left At London http://leftatlondon.com]

OK, listeners I’m.. hold on. This portable recording rig is just a little heavy. Whoo! I have got to get back to my weight training. I was deadlifting as much as 15 pounds, and now look at me.

OK, I am looking up at the towering disused grain silo on the edge of town. The silo that one Casper Rhodes would claim contains cryogenically frozen brains, destined to be reawakened in the future. Well, I’m sure Mr. Rhodes, but allow me to just check in on it myself. The door to the silo is locked with a padlock and heavy chain. Fortunately, I don’t go anywhere without my Special Reporter’s welding torch. It comes in handy more than you’d think. [welding noises] And off it goes. Another win for the first amendment. Listeners, I am opening the heavy metal doors [creaking], and inside it is dark even in this late afternoon sun. I am stepping in. [voice echoing] My eyes are adjusting and oh my god! Listeners, oh my god! The tanks are full, frozen intact human brains, attached to various support equipment, it is all completely clean and seemingly running well, this – this isn’t a scam! The great Casper Rhodes is telling the truth! Death is now voluntary, aging is meaningless! We will all see the future! We will ALL see the future!

Listeners, I must go, I must talk to my husband. We could be together forever, don’t you see? A new world awaits us in the future! I must talk to Carlos, I must! [equipment drops]

Today’s proverb: On one hand, you have skin. On the other hand, you don’t- oh man, what happened to that hand?!!

#welcome to night vale #wtnv #wtnv transcirpts #episode 156 #the trouble with time

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