#also make lovely and vincent or sam and darlin or asher and babe or

[soup-scope]

i’m so tempted to make a redacted!sona

a graviton energetic because the second i encounter an awkward interaction id throw myself into the sun

[autisticempathydaemon]

in this kitchen, baking (what a mess I’m making)

A Great British Bake Off AU

Pairings: all the good ones- Angel/David, Milo/Sweetheart, Asher/Bäbe, Lasko/Huxley/Damien, Gavin/Freelancer, Darlin/Sam, Lovely/Vincent, Alexis/Christian, Mentions of Porter/Treasure

cw: none no magic no angst just the love of the game and food

Available on AO3 here!

[Overhead, panning shots of a quaint California town. There’s lines of charming suburban houses with well-kept lawns, a bustling downtown full to bursting with small locally-owned businesses… a classic, picturesque college town.

The camera speeds away, outside the city, towards the woods, until we close in on a beautiful, shimmering Lake Arrowhead and the campgrounds surrounding it. Beside the lake, in a verdant clearing, we zoom in on a large, white tent and the two presenters standing at its opening.]

Angel: So we’ve got thirteen bakers-

Babe: -three challenges

Angel: -two days of stunning desserts

Babe: -and one future winner hiding in our midst! Is there a certain kind of dessert you’re hoping to see and try this weekend?

Angel: I’m so glad you asked, because have you seen the cake on our judge, David Shaw-

Asher (Off-camera): Babe, they’re off-script!

Babe: Oh lord- Welcome to the Great Dahlia Bake Off!

[The camera zooms out, away from the hosts, and cuts to establishing shots of the field surrounding the tent. Charming, quaint clips of woodpeckers, dragonflies, hummingbirds, and an inexplicable lamb are layered with jaunty string music and are followed by an inside view of the tent and the procession of bakers as they file in and absorb their surroundings.

A no-nonsense woman with black hair tied into a severe ponytail and eyes straight ahead walks with confidence to her station. A tall, wide-shouldered man saunters in with an even wider smile, offering a warm handshake to both his neighbors. The skittish man behind him reciprocates it gingerly before fiddling with the ties of his apron.

The contestants settle in at their respective, colorful kitchen islands and face the front of the tent with varying degrees of apprehension. Angel and Babe stand before them with visible excitement and bright smiles. Beside the hosts, David and William stand tall and intimidating, despite the latter’s friendly smile and small wave.]

Angel: Welcome to the tent, bakers! I had a whole spiel about first seasons and new adventures and bright beginnings- but then I remembered that the longer I talk, the longer it’ll be until I get to try your food, so let’s get this party started. Take it away, Babe; what are our new best friends making for us this morning?

Babe: Today, for the first challenge of Cake Week, our esteemed judges would like you to make a signature crepe cake! The cake must consist of alternating layers of French crepes and some sort of filling, though the flavor of crepe and filling are up to your creative minds. Judges, do you have any advice for our lovely bakers?

David: Crepes are beautiful in their simplicity but also difficult. They must be perfect.

William: We’d love to see a good combination of technique and personality today. There’s so much room for different flavors, textures, and combinations with your dessert today, so we can’t wait to see what you make for us.

[William, a kind-faced man with neatly braided, long, black hair, offers the contestants a warm smile, a stunning contrast to the stony, stoic stare from David beside him.]

David: You’ve got two hours; get started.

[Angel slaps David on the shoulder before wagging a finger in his direction. The man’s eyes widen comically which the hose dismisses with a wave of their hand.]

Angel: You don’t tell them to start; we do! Babe?

Babe: Get ready~

Angel: Get set~

Babe: Bake!

[The hosts clap in unison, and the contestants start in a flurry like horses at a gunshot. A tall, freckled blond man puts a moka pot on the stove, starting a pot of coffee. A young contestant with striking Lichtenberg scars up their neck starts sifting a sandy gray flour, drawing glances from the opponents around them. Another young contestant in a DAMN sweatshirt starts dicing what looks to be a small mountain of strawberries.]

Angel: Can I steal one of these? They’re gorgeous!

Freelancer: Um, sure, please.

Asher (off-screen): Grab one for me too, Angel!

Angel: Get it yourself!

Asher (off-screen): You know I can’t! Have mercy!

Babe: I’ve got you- open up.

[Babe takes a strawberry and holds it up to the person holding the camera. Chewing can be heard off-screen, and Babe stares lovingly at their boyfriend while Freelancer watches in confusion, their hands still and awkward. David rolls his eyes at the nauseating scene before turning to the contestant.]

David: Ignore them. Tell us what you’re making today.

Freelancer: I’m making a strawberries and cream crepe cake today with strawberries picked from my garden.

David: Simple.

William: Quaint! All these strawberries will be cut and mixed into the filling?

Freelancer: Not really- it’ll be made into a puree which will be incorporated in the crepe batter plus a jam that’ll be layered with a vanilla diplomat filling. There will also be whole strawberries on top for texture.

William: A veritable strawberry cornucopia and homegrown to boot. I’m sure it will be delicious.

Freelancer: God, I hope so.

Angel (narrating): Freelancer is a nursing student at Dahlia Academy of Medical Nursing. Between their pharmacology classes and organic chemistry labs, they like to unwind by hanging out with their brother who often volunteers as a live-in taste tester.

[B-roll footage of a comfy, sunlit townhouse kitchen. Freelancer is standing at the counter kneading dough and chatting with a young, pink haired man as he sits at the dining table and does homework. The window lets in bright sunlight, illuminating the flour dusting their hair and the air, and reveals a vibrant, ruby-studded garden right outside.]

[In the tent, Freelancer continues to cut more strawberries while some come to a low boil on the stove.]

Freelancer: They’ve been his safe food since… since he was old enough to eat food, probably. Milk, pudding, popsicles, anything strawberry he’d eat. We could get him to eat anything if we put chopped up strawberries or strawberry dressing on it.

[The contestant laughs joyfully, fondly- a hilarious contrast to the dripping, red knife in their grasp.]

I’m a strawberry expert at this point so obviously that’s what I’ve got to make today. Gotta lead with my strengths, you know?

Babe (narrating): Freelancer’s not the only one bringing fruit to the tent today.

[The tall, smiley man from earlier pits cherries and tosses them into a bowl of kirsch. A quiet, focused contestant with hair tied back into a loose bun cuts mangoes, peeling them with a glass cup. A cool, collected contestant with glasses perched precariously atop their nose peels and juices lemons with efficiency.]

William: Enlighten us as to what you’re making for us this morning, Sweetheart.

Sweetheart: I’ll be making lemon crème crepe cake today; I’m working on the lemon curd now that’ll be one of my two fillings.

David: Two?

Sweetheart: Lemon curd and a vanilla diplomat.

David: So you’ll be making three components for us today: a curd, a custard, and a whipped cream in addition to your crepes? Do you think you can keep all those plates in the air?

Sweetheart: What- like it’s hard?

[A snort, poorly stifled, can be heard from behind camera B. Sweetheart looks in its direction and winks with a smirk, causing a laugh from behind camera A. Even David looks amused, half-smiling and tapping a knuckle against the wood of the tabletop as they move on.]

William: And what have we got going on here with all this color, Porter? What are you making for us today?

[Atop the workstation is a Warholian disarray of green powder and white splatter. The mess has made it onto the baker, verdant smears stark on the brown skin of his neck and a light grassy dusting in his black hair. Despite this, Porter greets the camera with a rakish grin and the judges with a confident handshake.]

Porter: I’m glad you asked, William. I’m making a matcha crepe cake with a vanilla whipped cream and some white chocolate ganache.

David: …interesting. Is this a flavor combination you have a lot of experience with?

Porter: No.

[Porter grins at the camera, a mischievous glint in his eyes. While he’s looking away, the matcha in his crepe batter clumps unattractively, dark green specks spattered in the bowl. David looks in disapproval at that and the messy counter before walking away.]

Vincent: Yeah, he’s sort of always like that. I’d like to say he grows on you, but I feel like I shouldn’t lie on national TV.

William; That’s right; you would know, wouldn’t you?

Babe (narrating): Vincent, when he’s not baking and having a good time, is an up and coming presence in Dahlia’s real estate game. His opponents, both in the tent and outside of it, are Porter and Alexis, his family who work for the same estate agency.

[B-roll footage of Vincent standing in the doorway of a lovely, three-story modern Spanish home, his casual pose of him leaning against the door matching the sign of him posted in the front yard. Porter and Alexis come through the same door, shouldering him out the way with matching sneers and affectionate disdain.]

Babe: Tell us about that. Did you ever think when you applied, all three of you would end up on the show? Did a shared, familial love of baking bring the three of you together?

Vincent: Sort of…? We were watching season two and started giving each other shit about who would last longer on the show. An hour and some bottles of wine, and here we all are.

Angel: Aww, that’s… fun. Now that you’re here, are you at all nervous about going against your sister and cousin? We hope you won’t go easy on each other just because you’re family.

[Vincent raises an eyebrow before turning to look behind him. The camera pans out, and Alexis and Porter have looked up from their respective bakes, having heard their names, and are presumably giving Vincent the middle finger. Porter, whose island sits between his cousins, has put his sifter down to do it to Alexis as well. Thankfully, the way Milo has angled the camera, all offending gestures are obscured behind mixers and jars of flour.]

Vincent: I don’t think you have to worry about that.

William: What fun! And what are you making for us? Hopefully not matcha and white chocolate.

Vincent: God, no, I can’t stand matcha. I’m making chocolate crepes with coffee cream inbetween.

Porter (off-screen): Matcha’s delicious; you have the taste buds of a child.

Alexis (off-screen): and no ideas of your own. I hope your chocolate crepes burn, you cheat.

Vincent: Porter, you’re not special because you don’t like sugar; it just makes you a grouchy jackass. And Lex, patent putting cocoa in your crepe batter if you’re so pressed. You’re just mad yours are going to suck.

Angel: This is going to be a great season.

David: This is going to be… a season. I hope we won’t have to separate you three… though we could move you much in the tent.

Vincent: We’ll be separated when they lose, don’t you worry.

[Off-screen, Asher and Milo can be heard poorly hiding their laughter. David tries to silence them with a glare, fails, and moves on to Alexis’s island. Her workspace is spotless but crowded, the mixer practically crawling across the table, a dark, sugary mixture bubbling on the stove, and Alexis vigorously beating cream into stiff peaks.]

William: You certainly have a lot of plates spinning. What are you making for us today?

Angel: And, more importantly, how is it going to be better than Vincent and Porter’s?

David: Don’t encourage them, Angel.

Asher (off-screen): No, I want to know too.

David: You’re both children.

Alexis: My chocolate crepe cake will be filled with a caramel diplomat and topped with a caramel creme anglaise.

William: You’re hoping to outshine them with techniques.

Alexis: No, I know I will.

Angel: Damn.

[David pushes Angel out of frame before moving on. William lingers for a second, smiling at Alexis, before pointing at her stovetop.]

William: Mind your caramel, dear. The color can turn quick.

[William walks away, and Alexis scowls down at her mixing bowl, waiting a moment before adjusting the heat of the burner. Focus on William behind her, watching in approval. Cut to Christian and his station, the blonde surfer casually stirring his custard while looking about the room.]

David: You look relaxed.

William: That iconic California, Australian, laidback attitude- what a combination! What are you presenting today that’s got you so confident?

Christian: Something classic, a vanilla crepe cake with a diplomat cream and strawberries.

David: Classic and simple. Why did you choose to not make something more unique or signature to you?

Christian: It’s important to know when to be flashy and when to rely on the basics. There’s a time and place for risks.

Babe (narrating): Christian, a professional surfer and influencer, would certainly know. Having lost part of his leg two years ago in a shark attack, Christian chronicled online his recovery journey of relearning the surfing basics, and more then a hundred thousand people have seen the video of him winning a competition just eight months after his accident.

[Footage of Christian surfing from the shore, moving too fast for the camera to catch anything but his golden hair in the breeze and the sun reflecting off the aluminum of his prosthetic.]

David: Let’s hope your risk or lack there of pays off.

Angel: We’ll find out soon. Bakers! You’ve got forty-five minutes left, you’ve got less than half of your time left to go!

[The camera pans out, and the whole tent is in frame, the thirteen bakers a chaotic tableau of flour and eggs. The handsome man in front of Freelancer is leaning on their countertop while his mixer goes, chatting and bending provocatively so the other baker can see down his apron and tank top. Freelancer looks pointedly behind him at the basket of strawberries on his station, and the man laughs abashedly, presumably caught.

The nervous, fidgeting man from earlier yelps, having gotten key lime juice in his eye. This would be the second of his injuries this morning if the blue cover on his finger is any indication. The two bakers stationed in front of him spun to check on him, the frontmost one yelling and pointing in his direction with the other blots at his eyes with a clean tea towel.]

Huxley: Are you alright, Lasko?

Lasko: Ye- yeah, I’m okay. Don’t worry, stuff like this happens all the time.

Damien: That somehow does not surprise me.

[Across the aisle, the quiet contestant with the mangos barks out a laugh, covering their mouth with a start. The freckled man stationed in front of them turns at the sound, catching their eye, and the two share a conspiratorial smile. Cut to Angel and Babe hovering on either side of Lasko.]

Angel: Are you alright?

Babe: Is Damien giving you a tough time? I’ll rough him up for you.

Lasko: N-no, he’s got a point. I can be really clumsy in the kitchen… or everywhere, if I’m being honest. And then he showed me a better way to handle my limes, so I wouldn’t hurt myself again!

Angel: Oh? And is there anything else he and this tall drink of water over here helped you handle?

[Angel waggles their eyebrows suggestively at Lasko and then the camera, making Babe reach across the contestant to slap the other host’s arm. Asher can be heard laughing behind the camera which is minutely shaking despite the steadying mechanisms. Lasko, after looking between the three show staff, catches on and flushes, a lime practically jumping out of his hands in nervousness. Milo’s camera catches Huxley quietly laughing at the indiscreet conversation, wide shoulders shaking in mirth until he has to stop whipping cream.]

Huxley: You guys are a riot.

Damien: I’ll riot if you distract Lasko. Forget about being sent home; he’ll end up in the hospital if he’s not careful.

Angel: So cute, so protective~

[Damien glares at the host, looking around his workspace presumably for something light to throw at them as they strut off with a laugh to another station.]

Babe: So why’s your flour different than everyone else’s and not white?

Angel: Oh my god, Babe, you can’t just ask people why their things aren’t white.

[Angel and Babe grin at the camera. Nearby, Vincent and Sam laugh, getting the reference. Even Alexis cracks a smile, but Lovely stares blankly at the hosts, giving the camera a confused look and waiting to be let in on the joke.]

Angel: Hell, I think we’re old. Are we old? How old are you, Lovely? What do you do?

Lovely: I’m twenty-two…? And I’m a college student at Dahlia Academy.

Angel: Shit, we’re old.

Babe: Freelancer goes there too!

[Babe points off screen, and the camera pans over to Freelancer whose head pops up at the mention of their name. Lovely gives them a friendly wave and smile from across the tent, and the nursing student tentatively waves back with the hand holding the knife, earning them a quick but loud admonishment from David at the front. They bashfully put it down, their island neighbor patting their shoulder consolingly and Damien tsking loudly.]

Babe: What are you studying there? Culinary sciences maybe?

Lovely: Aha, no, this is just a hobby. I’m pursuing a degree in electrical engineering. I come from a long line of electricians.

Vincent: Is that so? I wouldn’t complain about routine inspections ever again if the electrician that came to my door was as young and pretty as you.

[Behind them, the camera focuses on the other Solaires who share a look before Alexis coughs into her hand a muffled but unmistakable “creep”.]

Vincent: Ignore my sister; she forgets her manners and that I know as much about her as she does me. When we get out of here, I’d love to get yours or your family’s business card.

Lovely: You mean you want my number.

Vincent: Sorry, was that not clear? Let me reiterate; I’d love to show you a good time with the prize money from here.

[The camera pans slightly to the side, and Angel and Babe are riveted in rapt attention, clutching each other’s hands in nosy glee. Behind them, Alexis and Porter are pantomiming gagging.]

Lovely: You mean the prize money that doesn’t exist, the only prize being a cake stand and a bouquet of flowers? What a date.

[Vincent flushes in response to Lovely’s grin and laugh which leads to him overpouring his batter in the pan and making a chocolatey mess of himself. Behind his back, even as he scrambles to save his crepe, Lovely smiles at him in pointed interest. Angel mimes the two sitting and kissing in a tree, and the college student shoots the host a wink.]

Angel: God, I love our job. What about you, Sammy? Can I call you Sammy? Who might you be looking to sweet-talk and canoodle in the tent today?

[In the back of the tent, Alexis actually coughs this time, drowned out by Vincent and Porter’s snide laughter. Sam grimaces as he folds whipped cream into his custard, his ears reddening at the tips. Camera B catches Babe pinching Angel’s thigh, the other host yowling in pain and staring at them in indignation, before they point at a jar of brown syrup on his workstation.]

Babe: That looks alarmingly like Chemical X. Is your crepe cake gonna turn me into a powerpuff girl? Because I call dibs on Blossom.

Sam: I mean, that’s a syrup I made outta cold brew concentrate, so you’re not far off. Chug that, and somethin’s bound to happen.

Babe: Don’t you tempt me, cowboy; we’ve got a long weekend ahead of us, and I could use the caffeine.

Asher (off-screen): Can I be Bubbles? I’d make a cute Bubbles.

Babe: Cute as you may be, Angel’s definitely Bubbles. If you get my good side, you can be the Brick to my Blossom though.

Asher: That’s easy when they’re all your good side, eyyy~

David: In case you’ve forgotten, you’re here to do jobs. Focus, Angel.

Angel: Boo, Boomer. Ten minutes, bakers! Ten minutes before you gotta present before Mister Party Pooper here… and William.

William: I don’t get a fun nickname, Angel?

Angel: No, see, you are your first name, and we put respect on it like Beyoncé, like Shaq.

William: Hmm… I like that, thank you.

Angel: Anytime, Willy.

William: I like that a lot less.

Angel: Fair, heard.

William: While we’ve got you, William, let’s talk about who you’re liking today… baking-wise.

Angel: Or romantically- I’d love to talk about that too.

Babe: You’re going to get us fired.

Angel: I’ll sleep my way back to the top if I must.

[David stomps out the tent with his arms thrown above his head and a loud groan. Some of the bakers jump st the disruption, but Babe gives them a smile and a placating wave.]

Babe: Big man’s throwing a hissy fit; believe me, you want him to get it all out before he judges your food.

William: Damien and Huxley who’ve kept their cool throughout the first challenge are impressing me.

[Pan over, and Huxley is humming as he pipes swirls of whipped cream atop his dark, chocolate crepe cake. In contrast, Damien has a deep, stormy scowl on his face as he daintily dusts his crepe cake with a spice and powdered sugar blend.]

Babe: Is that what you’d call “keeping his cool”?

William: Yes, see, his body is restless, but his hands are steady. That’s a good trait to have in a baker.

Babe: Fair, and who are we not liking today?

David: I’m concerned about Christian.

Angel: Did you get it all out, bubs?

David: I’m ignoring you. Anyway, he’s doing something so simple, with flavor combinations two other people are doing, that I’m afraid he won’t be able to measure up. The first challenge of the first week, that could set a bad precedent.

William: There is such a thing as too much confidence. He’ll need to step outside his comfort zone in flavor and technique if he wants to go far.

David: I’m also concerned about Lasko.

William: In more ways than one, I agree. His demeanor does make me wonder how well he’ll withstand the time constraints and challenges of the tent should he move on after this week.

Babe: Well, let’s find out, shall we?

Angel: Bakers, your first challenge in the tent is almost over! When I reach One, I wanna see all those sexy, flour-y hands in the air, off your work! Five! Four! Three!

[Lasko mutters furiously under his breath, shaky hands frantically trying to pipe whipped cream onto his dessert. Huxley is cleaning his station, his crepe cake ready and perched beautifully at the end of his countertop. Damien is also done and wiping down his counters but less happily, alternately glaring at his cheery competitor and his own neatly decorated bake.

Christian, in contrast, lounges, sipping lazily from a bottle that’s been unbranded for TV but is obviously the sports drink he’s sponsored by. Freelancer and Gavin have finished and are chatting conspiratorially, sharing their leftover strawberries as they goose-neck about the tent.]

Angel: Two!

[Alexis stands with her chin held high, shoulders back, eyes steely and determinedly focused at the judges. Porter sits on his counter, a health and safety violation where this a professional kitchen, waving a hand in front of his cousin’s phase, trying to break her out of her concentration. Lovely is frowning, rearranging the raspberries on top of their crepe cake for the fifth time, while Vincent flanks with a grin, holding the fruit in his hands for them to pick and place.

Darlin stands at their station, eyes downcast and hands tightly clutching a steaming cup as they await the end of the countdown. Sam, leaning his back against the island behind him, has an identical cup. Sweetheart, in the back of the tent, the thirteenth of the baker’s dozen, looks about the tent with a curious gaze and smile.

Angel: One! Put your hands up and desserts down; prepare yourselves for the judgment of the lord!

[starlitangels]

Some Redacted Characters Playing Phasmophobia Headcanons

For any of y’all who don’t know, Phasmo is a kinda glitchy ghost-hunting horror game where ya gotta gather evidence to figure out what kind of ghost is haunting the “map” go watch someone play it, I think it’s hilarious

I’m not gonna play that game myself but I can watch others play it no problem

Shaw Pack

David straight faces through everything. Never sounds scared over the voice chat

Angel is laughing right next to him because he does have a death grip on their leg

Asher never turns his radio off so everyone can hear him at all times

Is also 100% fearless and knows all the background lore hints by heart

He still screams if he gets got by the ghost though

Milo. Yelps. At. Everything. And jumps

Like seriously if Asher puts something down too close to Milo, he will jump

Sweetheart is sitting nearby laughing their head off

Darlin’ plays with their mic muted unless absolutely necessary so their packmates don’t hear them yelp when something startles them

However they are also very efficient and ridiculously lucky when it comes to hiding and surviving hunts. Even better than Asher and he’s totally not bitter about it

That said Darlin’s not afraid to let the ghost get them in order to mess with the others by leading the ghost right to the boys

Milo’s totally not holding a grudge over it

The mates also have nights where they play together but Sam is kinda grumbly so his mic and controls are co-piloted by Darlin’

When the mates play together Angel always charges in headfirst, bold as brass, and ends up somehow doing most of the work and not dying even when their sanity stat plummets. They ignore almost all of David’s advice sitting next to them because they’re better at the game than he is

But they also scream and jump a lot more (most of it for show to entertain their friends who always get a good laugh out of it)

Despite being almost as good as Asher, Baaabe almost always gets got by the ghost first

Usually because the ghost was chasing Sweetheart and true to their Stealth nature even in a video game, they broke its line of sight and hid and the ghost caught sight of Babe

Sam is usually… there. When it’s Mates Night Game Night he stays in the van/truck. Darlin’ is the loudest backseat gamer

—

Solaire Clan

Darlin’ drags Sam into this game

Vincent loves this game

Lovely takes a long time to come around on it because being hunted in the dark by an unseen force kinda reminds them of Adam

Sam doesn’t know how literally anything works to the point where Darlin’ and Vincent tease that he’s refusing to remember what all the items do on purpose. Vincent calls him an old man and Sam shoots back that Vincent was literally born one year after him and just turned younger and to shut his damn mouth

Which of course makes Vincent laugh harder

Lovely eventually tentatively starts playing the game because of how much Vincent is laughing with Sam and Darlin’

And over time Lovely gets really good at it. A lot of it seems like dumb luck but no. They’re just good

—

D.A.M.N. Fam

First of all, the four-person multiplayer limit means Gavin/Freelancer and Huxley/Damien take turns and eventually Lasko and his Water Elemental I presume

Sometimes Damien and Huxley are both on the game and Gav/Freelancer swap, sometimes vice versa, etc.

Lasko screams at everything at first, but as he slowly learns the game he actually becomes the best at recognizing the patterns of each ghost type’s quirks

Damien tries so hard to get good at the game and never seem scared but Huxley’s laughter over the mic always clues the others into when Damien got spooked by something

Huxley jumps occasionally but usually just does whatever Lasko instructs him to do with a “sure thing bro” and his usual chill attitude

Although when he does jump there is always an audible thump over his microphone of his knees hitting his desk

Gavin and Freelancer honestly spend the whole game night messing with each other. Trying to jumpscare one another

Or Gavin is pretending to try to seduce the ghost and the lewd noises he makes while talking to the ghost with the spirit box with the radio on totally don’t make Lasko turn as red as a tomato

To their credit, Freelancer does try on their turn. It’s not their fault they get super focused and then Gavin putting a hand on their shoulder to ask if they want a snack makes them shriek much to the amusement of their friends

Lasko’s Water Elemental is even more chill than Huxley and played this game for ages before meeting the group and does their own thing but always to the benefit of the group. Rarely uses the voice chat for more than a few words announcing their intentions. “Power has been turned on.”—“Freezing temperatures confirmed in the upstairs back bedroom. That’s where the ghost is.”—“The ghost is hunting.”—“Okay. Hunt’s over.”

Freelancer and Gavin refuse to show this game to Caelum

Freelancer occasionally announces a false hunt to freak out the others—and almost always a real hunt starts right as they admit they were messing around and they’re the first to get got

If Freelancer isn’t down first it’s Huxley, who will purposely draw the ghost’s attention to protect his friends

That said the whole group usually survives the whole expedition each round once they get good at it

—

Misc. Bois

Aaron doesn’t play but Smartass does. Aaron becomes a decent backseat driver for lore

Elliott and Sunshine actively sabotage each other and mess around more than they pay attention. They still get everything done correctly anyway

Starlight plays occasionally and Avior never does but he will watch and he is the absolute best pattern recognizer and the best backseat gamer

Guy loves this game to pieces. Sometimes it makes Honey jump. They do play with him a lot but Guy is better at it

Ollie is the Actual Best at this game but no matter how much he plays it and “Gits Gud” as it were, he still gets spooked. His partner will play but not necessarily understand everything they’re supposed to be doing

The Project Meridian bois don’t have time to play right now. Please leave a message and they’ll call you right back

Geordi gets so easily spooked by the noises but he loves the game anyway. When things are happy and fine Cutie gets a kick out of listening to his frantic thoughts

Morgan can’t See his own future so the mystery of what’s going to happen is quite enjoyable because it’s the opposite of meeting new people and immediately knowing them better than they know themselves by Seeing their entire future

Blake can See his own future so the game isn’t fun and he knows what it’s going to be every time

[swanconcerto]

redacted characters working in tescos

born from discord… this works for any large supermarket really. this is so long and for what

vincent: he works at self checkouts and gets a lot of enjoyment from iding old ladies to make them feel young again. talks too much and takes forever to help people but he’s pretty so you don’t get mad

lovely: maintenance team. always gets called down to fix the perpetually broken self checkout system but they’re starting to suspect it’s not an accident anymore

sam: he works in the warehouse . registered first aider except he’s never on the shop floor so he never does anything . somehow on really good terms with all of the delivery drivers. is starting to get really freaked out by that one security guard who keeps wandering around in the back

darlin: security guard except they never really do the job properly… like they’re skulking around dark corridors and corners looking for “threats” and david is like can you please just chase after that shoplifter

david: head security guard he likes to stand at the front desk by the doors and just cross his arms and scowl. it’s working spectacularly on deterring crime

angel: works at the customer service front desk and LOVES it. absolutely refuses to be antagonised they’re so 😁😁 even at the rudest of customers. another person who talks too much to be doing a good job. gossips to the customers about store goings-on. keeps trying to engage the grumpy security guard by their desk in conversation with varying levels of success

asher: yeah he’s another security guard what do you expect. but he’s constantly on the move he’s strolling about the store like he owns the place chatting up all the workers and the customers. everyone knows him and loves him but if you even think about shoplifting anything or starting a fight with a worker he’s right behind you “what are you doing there buddy 😆”

babe: shelf-stacker but not in a boring way. genuinely a monster at packing out it is insane. their aisles are so neat and tidy and they’re so fast. that one worker who knows exactly where everything is it’s like they live in the place. so good at their job and isn’t distracted by anything. except maybe one person.

milo: security guard who wants to have the same easygoing respect that asher gets but is far too easily antagonised by kids to earn. saturday afternoons are the worst when all the kids are off of school they come into the store just to piss him off because it’s so easy “now you listen here you little…”

sweetheart: they work in the phone shop! they’re kind of intimidating to talk to but they will help you and only judge you a little bit for not knowing technology. everyone would rather talk to them than the other worker (marcus). has formed an alliance with the kids that come in on saturdays “i’m going to give you this old phone and tell that guard that you’re stealing it, i’ll let you keep it if you make him trip when he’s chasing you”

gavin: slutting it out on the tills. i’m deadly serious he will flirt with everyone who passes through. “do you have a clubcard” has never sounded so sultry before. he’s actually decent at his job but recently he’s been told off several times for getting distracted staring at a certain worker who seems to just be doing everything… maybe it’s time he got trained in other departments

freelancer: multiskiller 🤩 literally another one who seems like they’ve been there forever and just knows how to do everything. they’ve stacked shelves, packed dotcom orders, worked checkouts… freelancer likes the variety and getting to know people in every department

damien: also at the customer service desk AGAINST HIS WISHES and in complete contrast to angel he absolutely hates it and you can so tell. management put him there because he’s so dedicated to the job and well organised and he SEEMS like he would be good at it… but every day damien’s patience is tested to the max. it’s so obvious when a customer is pissing him off. will SNATCH an item out of your hand if you are trying to return it. “what do you mean you didn’t bring your receipt 😑😐”

huxley: works in produce and loves it! super good at lifting all the heavy crates of vegetables. talks to all the loose fruit and vegetables he gets a few weird looks but it is cute. says hey to EVERYONE on his way in especially that one guy at the front desk who always looks like he’s about to pop a vein. no one knows when or why those two starting taking their breaks together but it is certainly a cute sight.

lasko: he works in bakery!!! he used to work on the shop floor but it was too stressful so the nice people from bakery kind of adopted him. likes the routine of making things and then packaging them up. plus minimal customer interaction = he just daydreams for a lot of his shift. although sometimes customers manage to get a hold of him to ask him something and he completely blue-screens. he’s trying his best.

lasko’s listener: for some reason i see them in dairy section in like the fridges? one time they got trapped BRIEFLY in the warehouse fridge with a certain bakery worker. they huddled together for warmth. #sorrynotsorry

kody: petrol station. no one in the main store wants to look at him

guy: delivery driver of course! used to work as a shelf stacker but got a warning for “checking for you in the back ☺️” (sitting in the back on his phone) he was so hopeless when he first got the driver job and got lost all the time but now he’s pretty dependable. will flaunt his little reflective jacket constantly. will also constantly flirt with the hot person working dispatch

honey: the aforementioned hot person working dispatch aka who loads all the delivery trays onto the vans. they really just wanted a job where they could stick their earphones in, do manual labour and not talk to anyone alas this infuriating delivery driver won’t stop bothering them. they’re making out in the back as we speak.

geordi: another shelf-stacker! like lasko, he gets super nervous when people ask him questions on where things are, but he can handle it. usually. more than once has sent someone in the wrong direction and tortured himself over it for the rest of the day. gets a really cute concentrating face when he’s in the zone working so please don’t interrupt him!!!

cutie: works in the clothing section! they look good even in their uniform so you feel kind of nervous when they’re just staring at you picking out some clothes. offers unsolicited opinions but they’re always really helpful so it’s fine. struts about with that clothing rail like it’s their god-given birthright

quinn: cleaner who always gets stuck doing the toilets. takes too many vape breaks

[vampire-bite]

the Redacted vampires and werewolves + their listeners, ranked on how whumpable they are on a scale of one to ten (+ a bonus of what type of whump fits them most)

This is based on my taste, and ill do more boys maybe

Sam: 5/10, maybe 6.  there’s a lot of caretaker energy, which sort of comes with the territory of being a healer, but there’s also a lot of emotional turmoil, so I’d say it’s about 50/50 on which way you want to go. Prime candidate for the whump of healing others at the cost of your own physical wellbeing. Someone make a fic where once you’re turned into a vampire you can’t heal without it being like empathetic or something.

Darlin: 9/10: i mean, naturally. I don’t feel the need to explain this, it seems self explanatory. I’d say they’re best for hiding injuries. They’re the type of character who suddenly collapses when everyone thinks they’re all in the clear. 

Vincent: 7/10: You already have immense survivors guilt to work with, plus the situation of him being invoked, and just generally his complicated feelings about his turning. I only put him so low because he’s not really a character I can see physical whump with and i am trying to rate them based on how whumpee-able they are, in both physical and mental ways. Obviously, survivor’s guilt whump is your go-to here.

Lovely: 10/10: Constantly being whumped in canon. Again, don’t feel the need to explain this. Their whump type I think depends on what era Lovely we’re talking about. Because of course, nightmares are spectacular, but I feel like the idea of them overexerting themselves trying to use magic like they used to is highly underrated for after they’re turned.

Porter: 10/10: I’ve already said Porter is basically tailor-made to my tastes, but this also applies to whump. Any character who sees themselves as a weapon is obviously prime whumpee material imo. Hear me out: Porter needs to be kidnapped and tortured. That’s a defiant whumpee with clear motivations for your kidnapper and the opportunity to break him is just too good.

Treasure: 6/10: See, if we knew a bit more, I’d be able to rank them more accurately. As it is, I think their whumpability comes down to Porter’s reactions being a spectacular opportunity. I think they’re good for a being used as bait type of thing

David: 8/10: I want that tsundere obliterated. Basically has the appeal of a “team leader” whumpee, where the unusuality (is that a word) of him being vulnerable just makes the pain when he’s hurt in front of the others that much better.  I don’t know if there’s a term for it, but yeah, basically. Injured and/or humiliated in front of the pack

Angel: 7/10: I’m not always a fan of the type of whumpee whos likely to crack jokes and stuff, but it sometimes is chefs kiss. That’s sort of angel’s thing. Something about them gives me buried under rubble vibes.

Asher: 8/10: See above about whumpees who are sort of joking around to distract from their pain. I can’t exactly explain why I like Asher more, but just. Trust me. Probably something to do with the inversion.  Just one fic where he thinks he’s been abandoned and left for dead just one please im begging

Babe: 4/10: They don’t compel me as a whumpee too much. But. I want them to be attacked and kill the person and have emotional whump over that

Milo: 8/10: His descriptor is “feisty”, I feel like I’ve made it very clear that defiant whumpees are chefs kiss. And there’s canon whump. Muzzle that man. 

Sweetheart: 10/10: They’re WONDERFUL for whumping, guys. I NEED more sweetheart whump in this fandom. Overworking themselves is naturally perfect.

[pasteloctoz]

Listener voice, gender, and general headcanons bc I'm goofy like that-

I'm Agender so that's why there are so many different identities here.

(I've only listened to Freelancer, Lovely, Sweetheart, Honey, and Lasko's Listener back to back so the others are subject to change)

Freelancer- Nonbinary (they/them)

During sexy time, Gavin doesn't take off Freelancer's binder until they give him the okay. That's how it's been since they met and that's how it will be until (and if) Freelancer gets top surgery.

Voice- Luz Noceda from The Owl House by Sarah-Nicole Robles

Lovely- Bigender (she/her/he/him)

Sometimes Vincent can't recognize him bc he likes to wear the two different extremes- either really masc or really fem.

Octavia from Helluva Boss by Barrett Wilbert Weed

Sweetheart- Agender (She/her/they/them/he/him)

Sweetheart wears whatever the fuck they want to wear. Similar to Babe, on dates Sweetheart likes to make Milo question his sexuality but they don't own any makeup and are terrible at it so they never tried to go out wearing makeup.

Caitlyn Kiramman from Arcane Legends by Katie Leung

Lasko's Listener- Female (She/Her)

As soon as She hears about whatever shit Gavin and Lasko had going on back then, she gets protective. She lets Gavin have his fun but the moment he goes too far she sends him the death stare.

Mel Medarda from Arcane Legends by Toks Olagundoye

Babe- Roseboy Male (He/Him)

Babe loves making Asher question his sexuality. On some dates, Babe wears something a little masc and the next they'll turn around and wear a dress with an entire face of makeup. (Never hear Asher complaining though)

Kaedehara Kazuha from Genshin Impact by Mark Whitten

Angel- Demigirl (She/they)

I forget who said it but there was a post on here mentioning Asher kissing David and David pushing him away while Angel would make out with Babe if Babe wanted to. It's a headcanon I share with the original poster now.

Vi from Arcane by Hailee Steinfeld

Darlin- Transfem (She/Her)

Before Darlin got top surgery, Sam helped keep track of Darlin's binders and would make sure they didn't wear the binders too much.

Kyoka Jiro from My Hero Academia by Trina Nishimura

Honey- Female (She/Her)

Guy and Honey go to pride parades as allies (though I also have a headcanon that Guy is bi). They get really into it and party all night.

Jean Gunnhildr from Genshin Impact by Stephanie Southerland

[somethin-human]

I start a new job tomorrow and I’m super nervous so here’s some headcanons that I have related to that:

(This one’s a long one so buckle up)

When Guy started his job at Max’s Pizza, he was super nervous about getting orders wrong, but now sometimes when they get orders from regulars, he likes to fuck with them a little and screw up the orders on purpose (no, he has not been caught yet).

I’ve had a headcanon that Babe has their own online business. Before they made it their full time job, they had an office job of some sort. When they figured it was time to quit the office job, they were too anxious to talk about it with their manager, so Ash had to give them a little pep talk about it.

Freelancer doesn’t have a job anymore. Gavin is their sugar daddy and pays for the apartment stuff.

Angel is a dress designer and used to have really bad imposter syndrome about it, but then David helped them through (bc he’s had that imposter syndrome with being Alpha in the early days).

Sweetheart likes to call Milo during their breaks to talk shit about their boss.

Damian stops by Huxley’s work while on his runs.

Sometimes when Sam is working with Vincent, doing whatever job they have (I know it had something to do with housing), Darlin’ visits William and chills in his office. Sometimes, they’ll also talk to Fred and Bright. And if Lovely’s around, they’ll go for late night strolls together.

Lovely… Doesn’t have to work because Vincent is literally William’s progeny. They got bank and don’t have to worry about anything.

One time, David was sick and Angel went to the den to drop off papers for future gigs. Asher ran into them and that’s when they had their first actual conversation. That’s also where Angel got their nickname “Mini/little Alpha” from Ash.

(Probably gonna make a part 2)

[cashandprizes]

Hii I’m new to redacted, and I’m wondering who Freelancer is, like I’m a bit confused lol. Also r huxley and Daimen dating ? Is it jus the two of them or r they in a Polly with some listener. Also who else has a listener ?

Ik David and angel. Ash and babe. Sweetheart and milo. Vincent and his partners whos pet name I forgot. Sam and darlin. But that’s I know. Please helppp 🙏🙏 I’m so confused and idk where to start with the lore !!

hi! I cannot believe someone is asking me for lore help um. okay.

The way I understand it, there's probably two ways to go about learning the lore.

You could start with the everything playlist and just listen in order - make sure you check warnings on audios but just go for it.

Or you could just start picking playlists and when other people get mentioned just hop over to their playlists until you know what's going on, which is basically what I did?

I started with Freelancer Season 1 playlist, which upon discussion is probably the best place to start understanding what the heck is going on. Around season 2 of Freelancer, you're gonna want to listen to some of the Shaw Pack and House of Solaire storylines before you get too far or else you will be very lost. By the time you get to the Inversion, it'll probably help to be caught up on Avior, Blake, Elliott, Brachium, Vega, and Project Meridian.

The timeline also exists, which thank you sophie for reminding me because I basically fucking ignore it , so you can also look through there. I think the ones that are directly in a video have links to the videos.

I feel like I should mention that I do NOT follow canon esp since the timeline came out (hence, "we take canon out back like ol yeller") so everything I say goes against this. Buuuut, to answer your questions:

Freelancer is the listener for the DAMN squad (Damien, Huxley, Gavin, and Lasko up until like a week ago)

Yes, Damien and Huxley are dating <3 I love them sooooo many

These are... most of the listeners. Regulus's listener is missing and Lasko's listener was just introduced but yeah

You have Morgan - Seer Obscura, Blake and his "friend"/"bestie", Elliott - Sunshine, Vega - Warden/Darling (Pet in imperium), David - Angel, Avior - Starlight, Milo - Sweetheart, Asset is um... complicated (used to be "love" for Marcus), Geordi - Cutie, Ollie - Babe, Sam - Darlin, Gavin - Freelancer, Guy - Honey, Asher - Baaabe, Aaron - Smartass, Vincent - Lovely

Idk if you have more questions you can ask? I am not the authority tho lmao!!!

[tourmalinatedquartz]

Things that make me melt

When Vincent calls the listener “little one”

The entire Milo sleep aid video

David’s sleep aid video and when he calls the listener baby

When Asher shifted to cuddle babe in the pillow fort

Geordi

The thought of Huxley hugs bc I’m 5’3

Avior being sweet to starlight

When Sam Sams towards darlin’

Lasko

Damien but literally. bc I get hot so easily

No seriously though when Damien goes all soft and sweet

When Gavin stops fun time with freelancer to talk about how much he wants to be viewed as a person and not just sex

When Aaron communicates how he feels and what he needs and encourages listener to do the same

When Elliot comforts the listener in their nightmare

Also did I mention Vincent calling lovely “little one” bc it makes all the tension in my body just…disappear.

And Milo forehead kisses 😭

Please just get me one of these men irl

Oh and also just caelum existing. He’s a precious bean that I want to protect forever.

[itsyourstarboy]

🎃Redacted Couples Dressing Up For Halloween🎃

👻👻Spoopy Time Headcanons👻👻

🥰Couples Costumes🥰🥰

Pt. 1

(Btw, the gender of the costume character is not directly linked to the gender of the redacted character/listener character, Milo and Sweetheart’s is prime example of this)

First up is...

Asher and Baaabe

Ah, yes, the lovely goofball/hot bitch power couple ☺️☺️

These two are the reason I made this list, because I KNOW

Asher would dress as Roger Rabbit

And Babe would dress as Jessica Rabbit

(Who Framed Roger Rabbit 1988 film)

THEY CANT NOT DRESS AS THEM, SERIOUSLY

I also just kinda wanna see Babe in that red dress, ngl-

You just can’t tell me this isn’t them 👇👇👇

NEXT!

Milo and Sweetheart

Okay, DONT HATE ME FOR THIS

I’m not making fun of Milo’s accent, I swear-

That being said...

Milo would dress as Harley Quinn

And Sweetheart would dress as The Joker

(The DC Universe comic book series and more)

If you disagree, that’s fine, I get it, it’s probably an overdone joke idk,

BUT MILO WOULD BE KILLING IT IN HARLEY QUINN’S SUICIDE SQUAD OUTFIT, ARE YOU KIDDING ME???

And Sweetheart in a suit 👀👀👀👀

I don’t think more needs to be said

Milo calling Sweetheart Puddin

NEXT!

David and Angel

I wish I could think of something more interesting or elaborate for these two, but let’s be honest...

David would dress as The Big Bad Wolf

And Angel would dress as Little Red Riding Hood

(Little Red Riding Hood 17th century folktale)

ITS SO PERFECT THEY LITERALLY CANT BE ANYTHING ELSE

Okay, well, that’s a lie, I almost made them Beauty and the Beast

But I have a feeling David would not want to dress up, so Angel just has to work with what he already is-

NEXT!

Sam and Darlin

THIS ONES MY FAVORITE THIS ONES MY FAVORITE

Now, I’m not making fun of Sam and calling him a cowboy.

I have his accent too, it’d make me a hypocrite.

HOWEVER THIS IS TOO PERFECT AND IF I CAN MAKE THIS COUPLE CANON IN ANY WAY IT SHALL BE THIS

Sam would dress as Jedediah

And Darlin would dress as Octavius

(Night at the Museum film franchise)

JEDTAVIUS MY BELOVED 😩😩😩

Darlin rocking that Roman armor 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

Sammy in the cowboy fit 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

I know he wouldn’t want to dress as a cowboy, but I think he’d be fine if he’s dressing as Jedediah

We all know he’s an Owen Wilson kinnie anyway

NEXT!

Vincent and Lovely

Okay this one might be a bit of a stretch...

I really struggled to pick a dynamic duo for them, but I think this works

Vincent would dress as Erik “The Phantom”

And Lovely would dress as Christine

(The Phantom of the Opera 1986 musical)

No, I didn’t choose this because I think Vincent would look hot in The Phantom’s mask 😅😅😅

...👀

I honestly don’t have much else to say about them, it just felt right.

NEXT!

Geordi and Cutie

This is another one that I struggled with

And I honestly don’t know why I think they’d dress as this duo-

Geordi would dress as Jerry

And Cutie would dress as Tom

(Tom and Jerry animated franchise)

To be completely honest, I think they’d dress as any dynamic duo within Looney Toons/Warner Bros...

NEXT!

Gavin and Freelancer

Y’know how I said Sam and Darlin’s costume was my favorite?

Well this one is a very close second

Gavin would dress as Tiffany

And Freelancer would dress as Chucky

(Bride of Chucky 1998 film)

I JUST KNOW THAT GAVIN WOULD

HE’S A HOT BITCH AND SO IS TIFF, IT JUST MAKES SENSE

God I hope someone draws this, ngl

Do I just want to see him in a leather jacket and fishnets? Maybe.

NEXT!

Ollie and Mentor

This one was another struggle

I just don’t know much about either of them even though I’ve listened to Ollie’s playlist

Hell, Mentor doesn’t even have a proper pet name...

But, regardless, there was one iconic duo that came to mind for these two and it just kinda stuck...

Ollie would dress as Shaggy

And Mentor would dress as Velma

(Scooby-Doo animated franchise)

I don’t know why, I just feels like they would

(This is a really cute gif omg)

NEXT!

Elliott and Sunshine

Okay, hear me out-

These two DO NOT PLAY when it comes to Halloween costumes, alright?

They’ve been doing matching outfits for YEARS, even before they were dating

And they will not stop.

Elliott would dress as Wybie

And Sunshine would dress as Coraline

(Coraline 2009 film)

Again, I just feel like they would, okay?

The bestest, mostest, dynamicist, duoist duo in the entire Redactedsphere

NEXT!

Avior and Starlight

THEY CANT NOT DRESS AS A TIM BURTON COUPLE OKAY-

It’s just perfect for them 😭😭

That being said...

Avior would dress as Jack

And Starlight would dress as Sally

(The Nightmare Before Christmas 1993 film)

I might just want to see Avior in a black and white striped suit, but I swear there’s more to this-

Halloweentown is basically hell.

Here's part two!

[incandescentlyglowing]

{redacted asmr incorrect quotes}

has this been done before? yes. 

do I still want to contribute one of my own? also yes. 

will this mostly be shaw pack because they take up 80% of my brain? yes again.

(I’ll try to use quotes I haven’t really seen used before but some of my favourites are just popular and there’s no getting around that lol)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Freelancer: Without you Damien, we’re just three idiots who live together.

Lasko: You make us a family, Damien.

Damien: Well, I’m like the cool rebel sibling of course.

Huxley: No, you’re the mom.

Lasko & FL: Yeah, definitely the mom.

Huxley: Look, Damien, if you come back to us, I’ll let you clean my room.

Damien: Deal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Asher: Racoons!

Milo: Oh for god’s sake, Ash, just swear like an adult.

Asher, mildly hysterical: No! [points to the racoons.] Part of me always knew that this is how I was gonna go out.

Milo: In a Max’s Rustic Pizza parking lot surrounded by racoons?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Angel, Babe and Sweetheart get accidently locked in a room (3 hours in)*

Angel, hysterical: What if nobody looks down here?! You know, how are we going to survive? I-I had a protein bar in my car. I don’t know why I didn’t bring it in. [on the verge of tears]

Babe: Guys, if it comes to it, and I mean this… I want you guys to eat me.

Sweetheart, exasperated: As I told you before, Babe, in those elevators and in the traffic jam years ago, I am not going to eat you.

Babe: Okay, you say that now, but we may not get out of here, and that means we may need to make some hard decisions!

Sweetheart: [sighs]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lovely: We are screwed.

Vincent: Hey, no, I don’t want to hear that defeatist attitude. I want to hear you upbeat.

Lovely, with a mocking smile: We’re screwed!

Vincent: There you go.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One of Sam’s newborns, in tears: I’m sorry.

Darlin’: Oh, newborn, crying…Don’t know what to do.

Darlin’: Pat, pat. This feels wrong.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Caelum: Wait, what just happened?

Gavin: I don’t know. I think Freelancer’s not used to feeling emotions. Maybe it was too much for them.

Freelancer, far away: Shut up!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*a while before they started dating*

Smartass, handing him papers: It kind of feels like you’re prioritizing work over our friendship.

Aaron: Because I barely know you?

Smartass: Fine, message received.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Asher trying to convince David to stay out late back in high school*

Asher: David, what have I told you about staying out past your curfew?

David: I need to do it more often.

Asher: Exactly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Angel: Tank and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us

David: *Sighing* What did Tank do?

Angel: They chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and...

Darlin’: Who wants a steering wheel?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Asher, at a restaurant: You guys should get the orange soda, it's amazing.

David: Okay

Waiter: Can I get you guys anything to drink?

Asher: Orange soda, please!

David: I'll have the strawberry soda.

Milo: Me too, strawberry soda.

Asher:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[artbykays]

Some sad HCs I had for redacted listeners

Sweetheart:

- when Milo bridged with Sweetheart, they definitely felt a power drainage. I think that his core definitely took a bit so that he could shift. But SH won’t tell him that cause they know that he’d freak out and blame himself. I like to think it just took them a while to recharge.

- since Milo has iffy feelings about the department cause of his dad, sweetheart sometimes wonders if Milo just sees a repeat. This makes them push themselves harder to prove to Milo things are different

- when Milo talked about how cool Sweetheart was cause they can phase through walls and stay invisible cause it’s rare, I think SH worked their ass off so hard. So him just kinda passing it off as rare luck kinda hurts them cause they put in a lot of hours, days and weeks of training for it

Angel

- sometimes Angel feels like they are holding David back cause they are unpowered. He always says “mine and Ash’s mate are unpowered” and it makes them feel like they are a burden. Always having to be protected.

- also along with that, they also don’t feel as special as everyone. Sure they fit with Babe but, it’s just them two.

- sometimes when David says things like “are you stupid” and shit like that, sometimes it actually hurts. Even if it’s a joke, they are sometimes fed up with being the “dumb” one in the relationship.

Darlin’

- like I’ve said, they never felt like they belonged. Moving states and packs had to be hard. So they weren’t close to David, Ash and Milo etc.. So when David tells them that they are family and he loves them, Darlin’ feels like he’s only saying that because he’s the alpha.

- even though they know that David knows they are back and the whole Quinn situation and was upset, a weight feels lifted off their shoulders.

- feels useless when it comes to Sam or the pack talking about the inversion. They were outside. I see them in their wolf form running into that ward over and over until Babe tells them to stop. But they are part of the pack yet wasn’t inside with them or Sam.

Babe

- I think would have been the most scared to see Ash shift compared to Angel who was calm/nervous. I mean seeing your sweet partner just shift out of no where, and being scared cause now he’s a giant wolf. They didn’t mean to hurt him by being scared, it’s just a big plot twist.

- also I think Babe is the type to feel the emotions/energy in a room. Similar to like Calum, but human. So seeing Asher injured or the pack hurting emotionally, they absorb it but they are the happy go lucky friend/mate so they will take that energy so their loved ones don’t have to.

- probably didn’t want Asher to leave for anymore jobs after the inversion. They get he’s the beta and has to be there also cause it’s his job, but doesn’t like the idea of him doing big events. Also definitely pushes the idea of letting them tag along.

Lovely

- I know we all agree vampire Lovely would think Vincent doesn’t like their eyes anymore since that’s one of the biggest things he compliments on. So they try on colored contacts that matched their old eye color but I think contacts mess with vampire eyes, or like irritates them more so they can’t keep them in long.

- when Vincent kept apologizing and blaming himself for the situation with Adam, Lovely feels more guilt/pain because everyday they were together he always apologized and they feel like that’s all he can think about now in their relationship

- lovely misses the power they used to have. Sure they still have some of it, but they miss that feeling of electricity running through them. It reminds them of when they were alive and now it just feels like a tingle or numbness.

[kitheking]

Redacted ASMR incorrect yet somewhat accurate quotes pt. 2

Somebody: How many kids do you have? William: Biologically, emotionally, or legally?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Asher, trying to cheer the group up: Things could be worse, you know!  Babe: How?  Asher: How what?  Babe: How could they be worse?  Asher: They couldn’t, I lied.  Babe:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

David: Do you take constructive criticism? Angel: I only take cash or credit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Angel : Who thinks I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth?  Babe: You’re a hazard to society  Sweeheart : And a coward. DO TWENTY.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sam: You know those things will kill you, right?  Darlin, pouring another glass of whiskey: That’s the point.  Bright, smoking a cigarette: We’re trying to speed up the process.  Fred: *Nods while eating raw cookie dough*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Vincent: I made tea. Lovely: I don’t want tea. Vincent: I did not make tea for you. This is my tea. Lovely: Then why are you telling me? Vincent: It is a conversation starter. Lovely: That’s a lousy conversation starter. Vincent: Oh, is it? We are conversing. Checkmate.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Milo: You often use humor to deflect trauma  Sweetheart: Thank you  Milo: I didn't say that was a good thing  Sweetheart: What I'm hearing is, you think I'm funny

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Caelum: Freelancer , what do IDK, LY, and TTYL mean? Freelancer : I don’t know, love you, talk to you later Caelum: Ok, I love you too, I’ll just ask Gavin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Freelancer: I’m kind of crushing on someone, but I’m worried about telling you who it is, because you’re not going to like it Damien: Just rip the bandage off. Freelancer: It’s Gavin. Damien: Put the bandage back on.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Honey: Can you please be serious for five minutes?  Guy: My record is four, but I think I can do it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Geordi: Oh just so you know, it's very muggy outside Cutie: Cutie: Geordi, I swear, if I step outside and all of our mugs are on the front lawn... Geordi: *Sips coffee from bowl*

~~~~~~~~~~~

Warden: Hey, it's your turn to wash dishes.  Vega: I'LL WASH THE WALLS RED WITH YOUR BLOOD.  Warden: 'Kay, but before that, wash the dishes, also use soap this time?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*when they were younger*

David: Darlin and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us  Gabe: *Sighing* What did Darlin do?  David: They chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and...  Darlin: Who wants a steering wheel?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aaron: How petty can you get? Smartass: I once edited a Wikipedia article to win an argument I was wrong about.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[carinaestarlight]

songs i associate with the redacted boys: wolves & vamps edition

hi! i'm probably gonna do multiple of these to include all the redacted boys at some point, since it would be a Very Long Post if i did all at once lolol. here are some songs i associate with the shaw pack and all the vamps!

i mention quinn and adam, but nothing about any of their actions!

wolves

david: nothing by bruno major

this song is so sickeningly domestic it makes me want to cry fr. i feel like david really adores doing domestic things with angel, and this song really encapsulates that warm, comfy feeling that you get when you're with someone who feels like home. also the lyrics 'we'll watch the notebook for the 17th time, i'll say it's stupid, then you'll catch me crying' is SO DAVID??? tsundere werewolf mate to a t

asher: shut up and dance by walk the moon

ahh endless summer vibes from this song, and to me, asher feels like the sun on your bare skin after a good swim <333 we all know ash is super playful and energetic with babe, and i'm CERTAIN that at some point he must've dragged them into a dance off just like. in their kitchen while they're trying to cook, because he's annoying like that /lh

milo: fly me to the moon by frank sinatra

oh em gee milo with frank sinatra is so perfect to me. this song is slick, smooth, and classically romantic, just like milo (even though he is a goof with sweetheart a lot lolol). i think this song encapsulates both the flirty vibes from his earlier audios, and the deep and sweet love he shows sweetheart in the more recent entries.

vamps

vincent: good old fashioned lover boy by queen

he is the good old fashioned lover boy guys. guys he just is. the lyrics of this song remind me of vincent a lot, like i think we all know that vincent would Spoil lovely to hell and back. and the song is so fun and flirty, like yes!! lovely and vincent are gonna go romancing!! their wish is his command!! its so perfect for them idc

sam: j's lullaby (darlin' i'd wait for you) by delaney bailey

are you kidding me this song was written for them? 'i'd tie a lasso around the moon and bring it down to you'?? 'when your arms are around me, i'd swear i'm holding the sun'??? even better is the lines about wanting more time and keeping the feelings in a bottle for years to come. sam and darlin are a tragically beautiful couple to me, because obviously sam will outlive darlin (unless he turns them, but would he?) and this song's nostalgic, romantic feel fits them just as perfectly as its lyrics. seriously go google the lyrics. they are PERFECT FOR THEM

quinn: choke by i don't know how but they found me

onto a much less romantic one, i feel like this song represents quinn while the lyrics represent darlin? like the instrumental is so happy-go-lucky and doesn't take itself very seriously, just like quinn doesn't take darlin very seriously, he just sees them as a fun little plaything. and then the lyrics are darlin resenting quinn and their anger towards him for being such a p.o.s yknow? very much a deep dive but yes this is their song

adam: chandelier by will paquin

the reason i chose this song mainly rests on the lyrics 'i might be the enemy, but nothing quite hits like you'. like?? quintessentially adam and lovely tbh? the song feels restless and chaotic, just like adam does to me

fred: francis forever by mitski

ahh yes the required mitski entry.... i only ever listened to fred and bright's story once but i remember their big argument in which fred was trying to get through to bright and get them to talk about their feelings. this song reminds me of that, in that it feels lost and hopeless like the singer doesn't know what to do to reconcile? and i got that feeling from where their story was left so

will: je te lasserai des mots by patrick watson

hehe french vampire french song <33 this title translates to 'i will leave you notes/words', which i can see will doing if he ever had or has a romantic partner, like imagine him writing them beautiful love letters omg... this song is so soft and romantic, just as will is, pls erik let me love the 500 yr old vampire king i won't beg i'll only ask 1074 times

bonus!! gabe and david: fourth of july by sufjan stevens

this song was written about the singer's mother passing away from cancer and it's literally so heart wrenching? so perfect to go with gabe and david they make me sob tbh

ok this was a very long post if you got this far ty for listening to me ramble about music and redacted mwah

[lunareclipsee]

small redacted hcs just because i can

Shaw Pack

- from the moment that david introduced angel to asher they’ve been BEST FRIENDS. like little mall outings, double dates ALL the time, double date sleepovers at angel and david’s place, they even have a fucking frendiversary that they celebrate. and despite the outward reaction he has when angel and asher are being absolute menaces, in public no less, david almost cries every time he sees his best friend and his mate getting along bc they’re two of the most important ppl in his life

- i’ve already been over this one but babe, angel, and sweetheart are all chaos incarnate when they’re together for more than an hour

- throw darlin’ into the mix and david almost debates getting those little kiddie leashes (“what do you MEAN i can’t go swim with the sharks david come ON YOU LET TANK DO IT WTF” vs david “let tank do it? no i didn- HEY I SAID NO SHARKS-“)

- sam and vincent are hanging around at darlin’s and vincent goes “so when are you gonna mention that you used to bull ride” and darlin’ walks into a wall (vincent is more situationally aware than the both of them combined. he knows.)

- fight me on this and you die: asher likes opera

- milo was obsessed with marine biology when he was a kid so he has a shark jaw tattoo on his left shoulder

- asher has a star trek tattoo on his left ass cheek bc he lost a bet with milo

- david is afraid of needles. yes he is.

Elliot

- elliot has long hair and sunshine braids it a lot

- sunshine takes eli to the smithsonian air and space museum for his birthday and he cries bc he had always wanted to go as a kid but he never found the time or money and had just resigned himself to never going

- somehow eli and sunshine almost always end up getting gifts for eachother at the same time. even if eli randomly sees smth that sunshine would like in a little antique store, sunshine sees a constellation ring and is like ‘eli would love this im getting it for him’. always.

- like for their anniversary they both got tickets for the two of them. for the same band that they both love. on the same night. the seats were one row apart.

D.A.M.N.

- Gavin is afraid of snakes. Freelancer gets a pet snake (emotional support pet after the kody and vega incidents ftw) and gavin just “THERES A FUCKING SNAKE WHAT- i mean there’s a snake in there that i am NOT afraid of haha yeah”

- damien has a lop eared rabbit named zuko (it’s brown and it has a black spot around its eye) and another one named versailles

- lasko has countless pressed specimens, from algae to flowers to leaves. all of it. plant guy. he also has a lot of succulents and plants that he talks to and uses for medicinal purposes

- damien has small burns from overusing his powers

- lasko treats damien’s burns by using his aloe plant and some of his roses to make rose water and aloe gel (lasko/damien wound treating fic coming soon??????????? 🤨)

- huxley is scared of heights

- xavier is terrified of open water (lakes, ponds, ocean, etc)

- every single one of them has gone to detention for beating up a bigot bc i say so

- damien is scared of birds

- lasko, damien, and xavier are dating

- damien’s favorite color is yellow

[sollucets]

minimasterpost (regular post) of the prompts i did go

i made fourteen rasmr ficlets (theyre all under 1k it counts) over the last few days so i am collecting them here for your (& my) ease of finding. all are t-rated save the vincent one. there is also a general prompt tag to scroll

damien/fl, “comfort food”, cookies & cuties

sam/darlin, “sunbathing” + “nap”, sleepy & nice

gav/fl, “saccharine”, so so so sugary caramel cute

eli/sunshine, “sunbathing” + “something about them”, little-bit-sad pre-canon beach trip

avi/star, “in dreams”, sad mid-canon memory dream

regulus, “tender” + “something about them”, several hundred words of creepy yandere introspection

sam/darlin, “crave”, episode tag for their injury video + touchstarved

asher/babe + david, “comfort food” + “how dare you”, semi sickfic cute interactions

cam + his new listener, “dust motes”, a friendly meeting

sam/darlin, “something about sam”, mid-canon darlin-in-denial introspection

sam/darlin, “total control” + “soak”, sam goes on the pack run

milo/sweetheart, “rampage” + “how dare you”, sweetheart gets hunted it’s a bait it’s cute

love/asset alone, “i trusted you”, the asset makes a log entry post-recent video. light cw for marcus

vincent/lovely, “trembling hands”, cautiously m-rated ba postscript. you have to get sugar after you lose blood