#also im pretty sure they shit all over me which. gross!

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

anyway in other news if rodents have no haters i’m dead

(disclaimer this is not because i think they’re vermin or anything. i find them fascinating. this is a personal vendetta)

[highvern]

YUCK

Pairing: Kwon Soonyoung x f!reader

Genre: fluff, suggestive moments

warnings: mentions of illness/body fluids (snot, vomit), avoidant attachment from reader, Hoshi best boy

Length: ~2.9k

Note: more of this couples bc im crazy thank u @gyuswhore

series m.list: Houdini [s], Green Light [s, f], Talk [a, s, f], Casual [a, s, f], Mine [s], espresso [f, s]

m.list

This blog is intended for 18+ only! Minors/blank blogs will be blocked.

Two and a half months of hooking up with a guy who may or may not be a furry and things start feeling…comfortable. 

You’ll pretend until the day you die that every time the weekend rolls around you won’t end up naked in Soonyoung’s bed. Or your own. Usually it is your own because he has more roommates than you and yours leaves to stay at her boyfriend’s until Monday night which means there is no need to keep quiet (which you and Soonyoung both struggle with but you refuse to acknowledge that fact). 

It allows for many nights bent over the kitchen counter, Soonyoung’s chest hot against the back of your thighs as he works you up with his mouth. Or occasional nights on the couch after you both are too into each other to make it upstairs to your room, planted firmly in his lap while pinning his hands to the cushions. There's also the nights he drags you straight to bed and demonstrates exactly what all the pictures you took while tucked away in the privacy of a gross bar bathroom did to him. 

You’re pretty sure Soonyoung has picked up on your game by now because instead of asking ‘if’ he’s taken to asking ‘when’ he can come over. And it's annoying that it doesn’t really annoy you at all.

Soonyoung comes over on Friday nights and leaves Saturday afternoon, except when he shows up on Saturday mornings and stays well into Sunday night. Or the occasional weekend where you remember who you are and show up on his door and leave three hours later with cum still drying on your thigh as you walk past his roommates still pregaming in the living room.

Except now it's Friday and you’ve got nothing on your mind except for the inside of a toilet bowl and the cool tile of the bathroom floor.

Call it food poisoning or maybe the flu, but you’ve been in and out of sleep since the early hours of dawn. Shivering on the floor, the only company you have is a pile of dirty clothes. Even the crack of light under the door is too much stimulation for your illness-racked brain to tolerate.

“Y/N?” your roommate calls from the other side of the darkness, out in the hallway where it's safe from whatever curse is making home in your gut. “Are you sure you don’t want me to stay home? I don’t mind.”

“I’m fine,” you groan. Your words couldn’t convince the deaf but you try anyway. 

She responds but it slips right past because another bout of nausea takes hold.

You manage to fall asleep at some point, clammy on the floor with aching hips. Maybe an hour or maybe ten minutes. It doesn't really make a difference because you still feel like shit when the door opens and the hall light burns through your retinas.

“Hazel, I said I’m— What are you doing here?” you croak from the floor. 

Soonyoung stairs down at you, face soft with something that might be worry but it’s probably just the fever melting your brain. “You look like shit.” 

“You always know just what to say.” The usual snark isn’t there, replaced by a pathetic helpless whine of discomfort because all you want is to curl up and die. “Did you come to insult me or…?”

“Hazel let me know you were sick and usually sick people need medicine and soup so I brought that and this tea my mom used to give me as a kid.” 

“Are you trying to cure me so you can get your dick wet?” 

“No. If I wanted to stick my dick in a Petri dish I feel like there are easier ways to go about it.” He kneels right next to you like he isn’t the slightest bit concerned about catching the plague brewing in your immune system. A cool hand cups your cheek, thumb gentle at your temple where a dull throb has haunted you all day. You lean into the comforting touch without much thought.  “When was the last time you showered?” 

“I don’t know. Like two days ago?” 

“Yeah, I can smell that. Alright my little germ cell, let’s get you cleaned up.” 

His arms snake under yours, dragging you from the floor even with your muscles limp. It takes more maneuvering but you don’t bother helping. If he wants to play not-so-sexy nurse and patient then that's his problem. The warmth of his sweater is welcome though. 

“Is this some weird fetish thing?” Nose buried in Soonyoung’s chest, it comes out in a jumble. “Because I can’t handle this and the furry stuff.” 

“Yes, caring about your health is a fetish for me. Really gets me off knowing you’ve been a good girl and taken your vitamins.” 

“I knew it.” you whisper. “I’m not calling you daddy if that’s what you want.” 

Soonyoung laughs and the movement sends another bolt of pain through your skull. He tuts over your responding whimper and what may be his lips press to the side of your head briefly. It’s warm and comforting, the beat of his heart lulling you into the first satisfying rest since you woke up. Your hands bunching the front of his shirt are desperate for anything to keep you steady. 

Thankfully, he doesn’t release you while setting things up for a shower; accommodating for your weight with a slow shuffle and more placating coos against your hairline every time you protest a sudden jostle. The chill of the bathroom fully sets in when he pushes down your sweats and shucks off your snot stained sweater before tossing away his own. If you weren’t barely functioning it might even be impressive that he’s kept you in his arms the entire time.

“If you’re trying to fuck me, I hope you don’t mind snot.” You blow your nose against the curve of his neck just to be a bitch. 

You feel more naked under the stream of water than you ever have, which is ironic given you’ve had Soonyoung face to crotch more times than you can count. Something about the non-sexual nature of nudeness, feeling the least sexy you ever have while he scrubs you down with gentle hands, turns your stomach more than before.

“I’m not trying to fuck you,” he laughs again; a thousand volts straight to the heart. “Don’t worry.” 

You pop out of hiding, hurt by the idea. “You don’t want to fuck me?” 

Soonyoung’s face is soft, cheeks round and hair already damp to his forehead. He isn’t disgusted by the puke on your breath or the sweat matting your hair. Or if he is, he hides it well. “I always want to fuck you but right now I’m trying to make sure you don’t die.” 

You dive back into his shoulder, mind numb to anything beyond the silky feel of hands washing away days of ick. You’ve felt his hands on almost every part of your body but right now they lack the characteristic urgency from those moments where you can’t get enough of each other quick enough. He’s touching you the way he does in the glow of the moon after you’ve both been satisfied, when Soonyoung thinks you’re asleep and you let him as every curve and dip and hill of your body is covered in gentle strokes like he’s committing you to memory.

“I can do that on my own,” you argue. 

The facts aren’t stacked in your favor right now but it’s the principle: you don’t need him to take care of you. You can handle it on your own. He’s only here because you let him.

“Oh, I know. Now close your eyes so I don’t get soap in them.”

He cups your face, thumbs rubbing away the sweat that's been caked on since morning. Then it’s a rough washcloth doused in the scent of your face wash but you swat it away in favor of the calluses on his fingers. If you weren’t a dead woman walking he’d never get a chance to be this close. 

How is it more terrifying for someone to wipe away your boogers than let him see you naked multiple times a week? A question knotting your stomach into tight pieces as Soonyoung hums some tune you don’t recognize like he’s more than happy to do so.

Your brain stops working after so long; too exhausted from everything to think more about what this all means. Not even the familiar flat press of his front against yours can incite a response beyond content. All the world shrinks into the pitter patter of the water swirling around the drain, and the parts that are warmed by Soonyoung and the parts that are waiting to be.

When you come back to awareness, the waters off and he is whispering something into your clammy forehead.

“Hmmm?” 

“I said, it’s time to get out.”

More shuffling gets you back into your room where the mattress takes your weight while he digs around for fresh clothes. You roll onto your side, clad in a towel and nothing else, resound to fall asleep then and there.

“Alright, arms up,” he commands. 

You try to pull away, diving back into the pillow soaked from your hair but Soonyoung gets you up at the waist, maneuvering stiff limbs patiently.

“Do you have an armpit fetish too?” you ask with the collar stuck around the top of your head. 

“And you call me a freak?”

Next is pants, and it takes a few tries for you to even consider being helpful. Soonyoung lifts each leg individually, working the fabric as far as he can. Then a few dramatic grunts from coordinating your entire body weight but you’re back in a clean pair of pajamas and tucked under the covers. Soonyoung didn’t rise to any more of your snide remarks about being naked. He simply avoiding your bare skin like it’d burn. Not even his favorite thing about you (boobs) gets any attention, just a few chuckles and more kisses into your temple.

You melt into the plush mattress, hidden beneath a pile of blankets from the cruel world that cursed you with new realizations you're not prepared for just yet. 

Eyes closed the entire time, you hear Soonyoung leave without so much as a goodbye. In theory it’s what you want. Exactly how you prefer; you alone, him somewhere you can pretend all the confounding feelings don’t exist. You didn’t even want him to show up in the first place, but now that he’s been here and you’re horrifically aware how nice it feels to have someone take care of you. You miss him. 

And as soon as the pit opens up, you hear someone shuffling down the hall coming towards your room.

“Alright, once you eat something you can sleep.”

The thought of food tightens your stomach more than the fact he didn’t leave you but he’s right. You need fluids and you’re not strong willed enough to get them yourself.

After the first few bites, you feel a little more human and less like a walking sack of shit. With it, the discomfort of this entire ordeal rears with a new vengeance. 

“Why are you here?” It sounds like an accusation.

He doesn’t even miss a beat. “Because I like you.” 

Soonyoung says it matter of factly, the same way the sky is blue and water is wet, while shoving another bite into your mouth.

You’re too exhausted for a fight right now; not with the only person making a real effort to keep you alive, but the instinct is strong after years of low expectations and plenty of disappointment.

“Why?” 

“Because I just do.” 

Your eyes meet over the spoon. He doesn’t look annoyed or perturbed or even angry. He likes you whether you like it or not. 

“I don’t date.” 

“Okay,” he agrees, wiping at the spill dripping from your chin.

“You aren’t gonna argue?” 

“Nope.” He pops the ‘p’ and your need for confrontation with it. “You don’t wanna date? That’s fine. I’ll take whatever I can get, even if that’s spoon feeding you on your deathbed.” 

You take the next bite before commenting, “You’re so weird.” 

“I like you too. Now open up for the airplane.” He makes the noise and the medicine twists your brain into actually finding it funny. “How are you pretty even when you’re blowing your nose on my shirt?”

“Deal with the devil.”

He passes you a cold cup when you brush away the remainder of the soup. One sip is all it takes.

“How did you know I like the orange Gatorade?”

“I asked Jun to give me June’s number and she gave me Hazel’s number and I asked while I was at the store.”

“You went through all that trouble just to buy me the right Gatorade?” you snort.

“It really wasn’t any trouble.”

It isn’t but it’s more than anyone else has ever done for you. The fresh wave of nausea has nothing to do with your cold.

“I’m tired,” you tell him. 

The mess is cleaned up in silence. You pretend to fall asleep and Soonyoung lets you until he’s shoving more medicine your way. 

You shake your head, failing to refuse because Soonyoung is doing that dumb airplane nose again and when you cough up a laugh he shoves the spoon in your mouth and you’re left with no choice but to swallow.

Then he’s up and you watch through heavy eyes as he gathers his things. You’ll blame it on the drugs loosening the clutch you have on your emotions later.

“Where are you going?” you ask with faux apathy, negated by the fist tangled in the hem of his sweatshirt in case he evaporates away.

“Home. Unless…you want me to stay?” A tug at the sweater is your answer to that horrible thought. “Oh, thank god – I was getting sad.”

You roll over, offering him your back to curl around. The muscles tensed around your spine soften when he does. 

I sleep better when you’re here.

You won’t tell him that but Soonyoung stiffens for a moment and the fear you’ve said the wrong thing creeps in where fatigue hasn’t rooted just yet. But a kiss to your covered shoulder and a hand under your sweater, flat against your stomach so you stay as close as possible calms the thoughts enough you can drift off.

It’s strange. Having the heat of his body at your back without the limpness of a good fuck still coursing through your veins to thaw the parts that hate pillow talk and the stickiness that come with it.

What's even stranger is that you don’t really mind it all. If anything, it’s actually pretty nice.

Taglist: @tomodachiii @cvpidyunho @miniseokminnies @ddaengpotate @arycutie

@gaebestie @primoppang @gyuguys @mine-gyu @doremifasire

@missminhoe @toplinehyunjin @crvs4vldtn @prettygyuuu @sliceofwoozi @writingbarnes

@dokyeomkyeom @christinewithluv @minwonfairy @idkjustlovingbts @wobblewobble822 @futuristicenemychaos

© highvern. copying/reuploading/translating my work anywhere is strictly prohibited.

[whywouldyoudothistua]

ok im talking abt diego and lila

their relationships this season was so gross to me i'll start with the biggest thing but the whole "yknow she said u couldnt get pregnant while breastfeeding, you can" was WEIRD, it was WEIRD and while it could have been in character for Diego to be stupid and a jerk and view it that way them never correcting this line of thinking really just paints Lila as some conniving evil woman that tricked Diego into having more babies. Which if its meant to be true is just about the most foul way you could have written her character bc sure turn all strong-headed women into evil people thats fine that has no repercussions on feminism. But also bc realistically Lila also didn't fucking know. And not coming to any sort of conclusion on if she did or didn't is kindof crazy bc people that took that as her genuinely tricking Diego into having babies are rightly pissed bc thats a fucked up thing to do but also when it happens in REAL LIFE (i give diegos twins a little handshake) the woman usually just doesn't fucking know either, its misinformation given by doctors and the woman are usually also not fucking aware of it and are not running schemes to trick men into having babies with them and I feel like portraying it that way is just gross and unnecessary Also generally why did they have to make them hate being parents to such extremes, I really really understand how a "diego and lila struggle to be parents to 3 children after being actual superheros their whole life" plotline could've been good and I was excited when they started it out but they ended it awfully and it just makes diego and lila look like kinda shitty parents???? literally the entire show they are complaining about their children, they act like they're a burden and it never gets turned around, Diego has like one moment of realizing he needs to be more present but it's mostly put in the context of him and Lila's relationship not either of their relationships with their kids, I don't even know 2 of their kids names I'm pretty sure they call them "the twins" the entire show. And the whole thing was completely overshadowed by the weird ass Lila/Five so they never got to have a moment of realizing their marriage is a good thing, or figuring out a way to go about their lives if they really didnt want to be married anymore. I really do understand they were trying to go for a good plot where Diego and Lila are struggling and it's so reasonable that they would be! But they could not fucking fit it all in 6 episodes with the amount of screentime it was given, and I rlly just think they should've dropped it cause its such a nuanced plot to throw and them rushing through it honestly just makes it seem like diego and lila are shit parents who ideally would've never had kids Idk I'm gonna watch those last few episodes again cause I admit my eyes were fucking glazing over trying to keep up with Diego and Lila's plot while Lila was w Five and I HOPE it was handled better than I realized the first watch but I really just feel like they fumbled it and the line making it seem like Lila was tricking him into having kids never getting resolved REALLY makes me feel like umbrella academy season 4 hates women

[inspiteofganon]

@aspen-of-the-gentry replied to your post “Another reason, that I prefer "gerudo kick every...”:

i do like to think theyre trans inclusive, but i also have an au where a transfem link joins the gerudo army post botw so. i am biased im not actually sure what their stance would be on non-binary people. i think it depends how much you lean masc. i think they only let gorons in because they dont really... have gender. and are a grey area to them. but yeah it does kinda give "women and non men" which. kinda really gross yeah. and i dont know how to fix that I think for genderfluidity it would be the same of how much they lean masc on any given day. I hc that they lock up their gates to all outsiders when they have a king present though, At Least until he's of age, then he chooses whether or not to reopen them

​Yeah....... one has to admit that pretty much any time they're going to play with the gerudo and gender-- and how transphobic they are or are not-- you're sidestepping WIDE into headcanon and other such biased theorycraft territory to get around and attempt to work with/without the transphobia and orientalism inherent to canon. They're really truly a Fandom Fixer Upper... for better and worse. Groan.

Even "masc lean" is iffy because again!! you could just stay dressed feminine and like... not tell anyone. What about feminine men and pre-physical/social-transition girls? What if you're mixed-presentation or fluctuate ID several times over the course of a day? It's giving "masculine cis girl gets chucked out of womens' bathroom"!! And What About Butches?! (besides the fact that I'd love to see some gerudo ones...)

[this kind of thing is why practically all gender role shit and presentation no matter how commonplace is inherently fetishistic malarkey, but I digress]

More inconsistent nasty-implications stuff that's all the more reason I ignore BotW/TotK's "no men allowed among gerudo" for "they just don't trust much anyone really"-- even if that's really just trading transphobia for xenophobia. There's really no clean way to keep it without somehow making them able to perfectly flawlessly know the gender IDs of everyone they meet very quickly, or making them at least somewhat transphobic. Which you certainly can... But I know that's not something a lot of people would want to try and intentionally approach, even to deconstruct and portray as wrong. You can't "fix it" is the exact thing because Nintendo made an inherently discriminatory design choice, so one either must work with it or resign to deliberately rebuilding and ignoring canon elements. Maybe a bit of both.

"Locking the gate to outsiders when a king is present" is a fair idea. Also there's room for the joke "Why won't you let men in when you let Ganondorf inside?" / "The sign says no MEN, we're allowed to have ONE" there, which is good enough reason for me.

[meadowmousey]

hi im gonna vent about my non existent sex life to my 3 followers now.

I’m in a ltr with an older man (i know) and it’s pretty cool for the most part except for the fact that i never get fucked lmao. it was pretty frequent and fun for the first like 8 months and now I’m lucky to get any like once a month. We got sick in winter 2022/2023, he had a terrible reaction psychologically. At first I understood bc like. We were REALLY sick. And then we got better. And I would try to initiate something and he would just give me the “maybe later” or “another day” stuff, and I wouldn’t ask again for like a week or so. And then I started doing a little amateur adult content as a side hustle, and he would take the pictures and stuff for me. So I would try to get a lil spicy. And he would turn me down. And I don’t know how to describe how absolutely shit it feels to have someone taking lewd pictures of you and them be completely turned off. Ouch. I started doing the pictures/videos alone and I would send him the best ones. He’d sometimes save them but usually I would get some half assed response. So I just stopped bc it made me feel gross. I’m like terminally horny as a person. I could fuck like 3x a day and still go again. I haven’t been able to get a “round two” since like August of 2022. He also presented himself when we first getting to know each other as super kinky and experimental. And he was at first. But it’s so vanilla since we got sick. Like, two positions and barely any variety. We bought some toys and rope and stuff. One of them we haven’t even used. Well, I have but it was alone. He told me, when I was first starting to really have my feelings hurt about his lack of sexual interest, that he has a hard time seeing me as both his life partner and as someone he can do kink with. And that really hurt. Like really bad. Like sure, the ppl he dated before he didn’t love (or the 1 night stands) the way he loves me. So how does it make sense that he gave them all the vulnerability and trust that kink involves but I can’t have that?? And then he says that we’re different, we’re better than most people because we don’t need to have a relationship based off sex. Homeboy if we did, the relationship would have withered and died ages ago. I’m a human being in my 20’s, I’m fucking horny!! I don’t understand why he thinks that it’s fair for him to have gotten to hook up and do all the fun stuff with other people, and now it’s just over for him forever. What about me? What about what I need? Like, I already feel like the once a month boring ass 30 minutes I get is a chore for him. I don’t want him to do anything he doesn’t feel comfortable with. It’s just really hurtful and unfair. I know he doesn’t wanna do an open relationship and I don’t either, but at this point I am so sexually frustrated. I feel embarrassed for wanting sex. I feel like he sees me as some kind of pure and untouchable thing, which makes no sense. I’ve always been up front about being really sexual, and kinky , and open, and unconventional. It’s like he refuses to see a whole entire side of me, except very superficially when we do get sexual. And even then I can tell he’s not really that enthusiastic, it seems like he’s on a mission to make both of us cum as quickly as possible. It’s not even fun anymore and I just feel so self conscious and shitty. It really fucking sucks not even being 25 with a dead bedroom. I’ve been trying to curb my sexual appetite as much as I can but at this point I’m gonna start chewing my fucking fingers off. The worst part is I know I’m not ugly. I know if most people had the chance they would happily get into bed with me. So why is it that the person who DOES get to, doesn’t even want it anymore?? I know he could have his pick of anybody as well. We were so compatible and so much happier when we were having sex more. Now I’m so full of resentment that I have a hard time connecting with him at all. I hate that I feel like this but I’m having to squash such big feelings 24/7. Ugh. Anyway.

[simcardiac-arrested]

AKNDMN,S okay so

juts a fair warning this is a very long ramble so like. people reading this be careful you might be stuck here forever because you cant put read more in asks for some reason

I don't have any updated references for Six Silver Stars (the one who's very mad at one guy) so she won't. have any images.

She was created with the idea of mapping stars and planets and stuff so her puppet chamber was built outside of the can and made out of glass with her puppet arm attached to the roof of it. im sure this creates no issues at all whatsoever. anyways the main ancients that monitored her and talked to her did not like them. which im sure doesnt create any issues whatsoever. ive fallen in love with the idea of schools organising trips to visit the puppets of iterators so she made friends with this one kiddo who wasnt super social with the group. kid was often granted permission to visit her chamber and they'd often talk and just bond. kid was part of a fancy-ish family who was very devoted to the void. bring in Unnamed Iterator because i cannot think of a name

art and design not by me by a friend btw.

anyway they were made to bless people and prepare them for the void. like the people felt that they were ready and they pretty much just said 'yeah good luck' and gave them offerings and fancy robes and masks to hopefully make the void favour them slightly. Kids family went 'yeah lets all dip in the void and take our like. 15 year old kid with us this is so cool of us' which then left Stars pretty alone as her ancients often just. blocked communications for her because they were soo amazing(sarcasm) Stars immediately turned all blame onto the guy because its all she really had to blame. she didnt know the parents of the kid and she obviously wouldnt blame the kid so yeah. this guy was the blame.

this guy also worked very closely with Swirling Blossoms, Fading Fast

(again art and design not by me i saw this adopt and my brain went yesss) as they both had similar but different jobs. They made to be a god directly to the ancients, a place of worship, offerings and confessions. she was built with taboos SUPER SUPER SUPER enforced into her code like to an ungodly amount. also was given a lot of 'ancients need help you must help them they dont mean to do anything wrong ever they need help.' again i am sure that this didnt give them any issues surrounding themselves and their ancients at all. both them and unnamed guy communicated a lot and slowly started to date in secret which was Really Weighing on Blossoms because ''dont grow attached to anything thats a sin thats a no no ''

this continued to weigh in on her and like. a little while after the mass accession somehow messages between them got leaked. like not anything gross just typical couple stuff. not sure how this happened yet . but yeah, she was Very Stressed OUt About This despite like no once giving a shit. panic lead to her making dumb desicions and she ended the relationship and isolated herself. a lot 👍

so during this unnamed guy is like acticly trying to fix two relationships, one with someone they barely knew but felt very very bad for and one with their ex.

starts continued to do not very good and was exceedingly pissed at unnamed guy because before the mass ascension her communications were blocked and no one is able to break them or undo them. so like. they were sending scugs back and forth to Stars who was just like "Dude FUCK OFF you fucking killed my kid " and his ex was just sending them back with no response. theyre so fucking fucked over and a sopping beast and theyre not okay.

anyways theres more but this is also like. a brick post thats not very well organized so if youre still interested i might talk more about them in another ask

DIVORCE NUMER UNOOOOOOOOOO

[rachelcommitscrimes]

im gonna rant abt how much i hate the ghost eyes fandom (as a former fan) bc im just kinda mad rn

so uhh yeah major TW for s3lf h4rm, romanticizing mental illness, su1c1de, sadomasochism, infantilization, and rlly just anything related to that

(also sorry if this looks weird idk how to separate stuff on tumblr)

also DO NOT harass the creator or anyone mentioned here, you’re no better than them if you do that

——————————————————————————

ok so i read ghost eyes like 2 years ago but i stopped reading about the point where they were on that field trip. i still think it’s a nice comic and i’m sure the author is a cool person, also the art style is awesome. but the fandom is so fucking gross that i’m surprised more people haven’t talked about it. 

for some backstory on this, i used have REALLY bad depression and was cutting myself regularly (i’m much better now, i have medication, therapy, and i’m almost a year clean) i also stopped reading due to the comic severely damaging my mental health and i’m very glad i did. i was younger and immature and thought i could handle such content. this led to me becoming extremely obsessed with the comic to an unhealthy level, and getting severely attached to one of the characters (rudy) because i could relate to him at that time. i seriously thought that i WAS him sometimes.

i understand now that i should NOT have ignored the label and what i did was definitely wrong and if the creator is reading this i deeply apologize. i’m in a much better place now and i’m just glad that i was able to get the help i needed.

ok now to the angry part

if you don’t know what ghost eyes is, it’s a webcomic about a severely traumatized boy attending school for the first time and meeting a bunch of other severely traumatized kids. this comic has a crap ton of triggering/sensitive/disturbing topics (which is not a bad thing as long as you do it right) and like i said before, the creator has kindly put a warning before the comic starts stating that you SHOULD NOT romanticize/idolize/sexualize/kin any of the characters, do not read unless you can handle such topics, and so forth. now i know i should have definitely put the comic down before and not gotten obsessed over it, but i knew damn well enough that it was messed up to romanticize/sexualize any of the characters/things that happened in the book.

there are several scenes in which a character is self harming or harming someone else, and the comments will say shit like “nooo my poor bean” “awww baby don’t do that” or my personal favorite “protect the smol bean.” first of all, the characters are like 16-17, second of all, i cannot even tell you how fucked up it is that people see someone ruining their lives and putting themselves in danger and think it’s “cute” or “anxiety smol bean uwu” THERES LITERALLY A SCENE WHERE SOMEONE IS GETTING STABBED AND PPL ARE DRAWING THIS MF IN A MAID DRESS.

another reason i despise these fans is that they see an abusive relationship and start making ships/kinning them. as someone who has gone through pretty much everything rudy has gone through, i cant tell you how irritating it is to see people shipping him with his abuser or calling him a “cutie patootie masochist boi uwu” cause lemme tell you what-it doesnt feel good to have to put your health in danger and ruin your relationships with others just so you can get off somehow. ITS NOT FUN. the whole point of rudy’s character is to not romanticize someones fucked up mental health.

i could spend hours talking about this group of immature brats, but i’m tired and it’s a school night and i have a test tomorrow. i might add on if i feel like i need to but overall i really hope those immature fans grow up and realize their mistakes like i did, or get the help they need.

[placeinthisworld]

I think swifties in a very weird and gross way want joe to have been an absolute ass and emotionally abusive because then they’ll feel that all of Taylor’s friends behaving like that and even Taylor behaving in a very petty and just overtly mean way right after the breakup announcement would be justified. They believe that Taylor isn’t truly fully petty like that so she can’t possibly be doing that just because there just has to be a huge reason for everybody’s behaviour at the time cuz otherwise it makes her look immature. I also think because Taylor presented this image of him being so perfect that now fans that formed a very evident attachment to him feel betrayed so he has to have been horrible and awful all along. I truly don’t understand the she became voiceless part because honestly I know we don’t know alot right now but the info before us makes me feel like sometimes she’s pissed that she was forced to slightly face her morals head on in part because of him. on a side note I honestly don’t believe he’s some poor victim and I know that he might’ve been crappy to her and she might’ve been an ass but right now I just find it weird and icky that so what you’re presenting to us is that he couldn’t handle your fame and after the breakup you’re choosing to literally name your album after a group chat he had so it’s like you’ve kind of sentenced him to being in the headlines perpetually whenever the name of your album is mentioned and it’s like this isn’t just her discussing her feelings in a song which I don’t know others might not feel this way and it’s perfectly fine but like the song stuff sure can make the situation difficult for the other person slightly but I feel like that’s alright ya know you knew she’s a songwriter when you started dating her but this is the actual name of her album. Like she might put a spin on it and now she’s made that title her own which is perfecting fine but you can’t convince that miss marketing queen wasn’t aware that this wouldn’t happen especially because the way she and her friends have acted after the break up really fuelled the feud narrative. This part isn’t a huge offence on her part and I understand isn’t a big deal but it’s just icky to me

yuuuup i agree!!! i feel like joe and taylor had their issues but fully intended to make things work. but life happens, people change. i feel like ive seen a shift in taylor’s personality over the past few years. the thing i liked about joe/ taylor were how private they were, like we didn’t hear every single thought or action they did like we are seeing now. it felt like taylor had her own life and i was so content with that. we obviously don’t know anything more than what *taylor* has written about them in her music. joe doesn’t really say shit about her (and yeah ik that article went around about how he was feeling slighted by the album announcement but like be so fr anyone could have made that statement up- i feel slighted FOR him for gods sake) and he’s been pretty respectful of her their entire relationship publicly at least. he’s always known she’s a storyteller and writer so im sure it wasn’t exactly shocking information to hear about her writing about him, but yeah i do have to say after being so close and private with someone for years and then having them release an entire album less than a year after the breakup, filled with vague LDR rip off song titles that reference you in the slightest bit, therefore triggering millions of Defensive swiffers to openly bully and harass you online for…..ending a relationship you probably were grieving over too- just so fucking petty.

like sure we’re used to hear how taylor feels about her exes/ past relationships, but this was when she was still vague about what songs were about who, and we had at least 2+ years between the. breakups to learn about it. it feels like she rushed to put together another album to just shit on joe specifically…..like it just feels so wrong. imo.

i was sent this reddit thread and it actually made me think A Lot about how taylor works

[tsurugis]

been thinking about that thing i reblogged thats like (by the way im buzzed off my ass on whiskey so excuse extra nonsensicalness) "i dont know how to tell you all adults were children once" thing cause i have been on and off Stressing about my ocs that im writing a book of

because they started off as dnd characters i was playing where my husband and i play by ourselves with 3 characters each (lol) and fenriel is a 30 something year old dragonborn and atreyu is a 200 year old half drow and for the longest time i was like. i want them to be good friends, nothing more. i want them to highkey bond and help each other with their traumas.

but after like a year of this i had the moment where i realized they are fucking in Love with each other bitch. like gay it up bros. theyre so gay alright??? and ozadius this lowkey old man wizard tiefling is like the fucking gay uncle who pretty much raised fenriel after he found him half dead from his abusive mother that he finally just kills in self defense but ozadius grew up in the city where atreyu lived so atreyu watched ozadius grow up and now they are bros. but atreyu is baby because 200 is still young for an elf. its a weird dynamic alright

BUT. when i decided i love these characters enough to write a whole ass multi book length shit of them, im writing fenriels childhood with his mother and when ozadius finds him and shit and fenriel will meet atreyu as a child because ozadius is gonna go to atreyu for help with some specific crap. they, and atreyu's twin sister are all the main characters so i cant just leave anyone out to avoid the awkward shit

SO. i have to navigate the idea that on and off atreyu at like 180 years old will get to know fenriel as a child, but later as adults they are in love okay. but atreyu will absolutely not have a single thought or feeling in his brain about fenriel that way (who as he gets older will crush on atreyu, sure) NOT A THOUGHT. it will have to be knocked into his head only when fenriel is past 30 years old and shit goes down. he'll still be oblivious when fenriel is 30, and not realize shit until some things happen. totally oblivious for fucking ever.

i stress out people would think this is gross. they wont see each other often while fenriel is growing up even though they will meet on and off and have some plot stuff happen when fenriel is still a kid and teen i guess. and atreyu is gonna be dealing with some heavy other shit and like i said will be completely oblivious until fenriel is over 30 years old when they will be around each other longer term for plot shit.

i dont see the problem but people are so sensitive about this shit. and like i dont care but also ???????

shits weird when you are dealing with characters that are extremely long lived. especially when there is the idea that a 200 year old elf is equivalent to a very young adult

i would have to completely ditch so much shit like either have them never meet when fenriel is a child which would force me to rewrite an insane amount of the entire backstory for everyone, or not have them ever be a romantic thing which screw that, they are important to me that way

so damn. im frustrated lol

[mostspecialgirl]

Insiders (2023) - redrawn from 2019

(rambling under the cut)

thank you tumblr for compressing my image down to disgusting crusty poop pixels on the app

i love to do a new big reference piece for my babies every few years, and the time has finally come due… and WOW !!! LOOK AT THAT IMPROVEMENT !!! everyone looks Normal And Alive and Non Bugeyed !!! everyone is a little less pasty white (im talking about you, tanith) !!! i think they all show a lil bit of nice personality in their faces now too which is lovely for me. i love to see my children happy. now to write about each of them

angelo’s line art has the least effort into it here and i was GONNA redraw him but honestly if anyone is going to look like a scrunkly little bug IT IS GOING TO BE HIM !!!!!! It’s been a minute since i’ve drawn his body-saws and on a whim i made them red AND !!! IT WORKS !!! I’M A FAN !!! i think he’s due for a main-outfit change though. not sure. i struggled with finding him a natural-looking skin color too because i’ve slowly made him as a person less undead-corpse-like and i think i’ve found a good spot. for now.

i pulled the perfect angora out of my mind and honestly i am shocked at what i have created. she looks so sweet and kind and innocent here (as she should) that to any unfamiliar observers you’d be hard pressed to tell she’s a big lazy gross vulgar piece of shit rat of a fishwoman. and that is EXACTLY how it should be. i have lost the plot for too long, giving her more sharp edges and a hunched back and wild expressions, but the standard angora really should be deceptively pretty. because that’s my girl.

Mila looks great as always. What more can I say? She’s always perfect. I had fun giving her lips for the first time!

AMPH … MY ADISHESHA … (slamming my fist down) I’ve finally perfected him… isn’t he pretty? isn’t he so pretty? I chose to draw him in his naga/incarnated form instead of the shadow form this time because i wasn’t lazy. I decided to throw a big coat on him, originally intended to be more lab coat-y, but influenced by how fucking cold it is outside i allowed myself to give him a big fur collared one. because if you can’t tell i love giving characters though. i think it worked out well for AMPH here, and now I have to be putting him in all sorts of cowls and capes until the end of time.

TANITH !!!!!!!! GGGGYRRRRAAAAHHHHH!!!! LOOK AT MY GIRL !!!!!!! I’M FERAL OVER THIS!!!!!! LOOK AT MY IMPROVEMENT !!!!!!! it’s been a hot minute since i’ve colored her, but i changed her palette in my mind a while ago AND looking at it here ? existing ? i’ve done it again. My lovely little sword daughter … i know i JUST doodled her but christ something was in the water here because SHE LOOKS SO GOOD. this is the best ive drawn any of them. i gave her some nice clothes this time instead of her usual big t-shirt because i realized i only gave her that in the past because i didn’t know how to draw clothes.

speaking of “best ive ever drawn any of them” somnus … THIS IS HIM … i’ve gotten close to capturing him in all the times i’ve drawn him but i think i’ve finally pinned him down here. and of course, he’s hitting the same pose as his wife because they’re cute like that. i ripped his colors straight from the solo reference piece i made for him a while back which has held up quite wonderfully.

FINALLY !!! SETH IS HERE !!! HE HAS ARRIVED IN PROPER INSIDERS GROUP ART !!! he looks pretty good here. i think he could still look BETTER, but for the purpose of having a nice group reference piece he looks pretty great i think. I struggled pinning down some colors for his clothes and was pretty lazy with the Purple Under His Hair That Glows BUT WHO CARES !!!! LOOKS GOOD TO ME !!! LOOK AT MY HANDSOME SON !!! i also decided to stick his full name on here that i’ve kept vaulted up for the reason that i’ve never had to put it anywhere before. if you know why he has “-zoe adamiel” as his chosen full name, congrats, you’re a huge fucking nerd.

eventually, i’m probably going to tack daisy, kane, sampi and demiurge onto the right side of this piece, but that’s for another day down the line. thanks for reading!

[girltober]

Girlfit! Gamer socks/armthings and a sundress might not go well together on paper, but I like this fit a lot 🩷 girls just have so many more customisation options to pick from. And you know what they say, you gotta Get Railed in a Sundress 😜

---

So! Girl Month is two thirds over... whats the state of affairs?

Its been a little while since I last posted anything substantive bc well... girltime has been normalised. In the first week I was very strict about wearing only "proper" girly clothes, not even using my normal dressing gown! But as time passed I've allowed myself to wear more unisex clothing - for better or worse. In general Girl month has become less... exciting and wild and more a mundane part of life. I go out in girlmode and don't think twice about it.

I've been on E nearly 2 weeks now with no effect, which I guess I expected but its a little disappointing. My nips don't feel any more sensitive than usual which is lame.

Sidequest 2 and 3 have not been completed, but I'm planning to complete 3 tomorrow which I'm looking forward to (shes soo hot). And I forsee myself completing 2 also bc like... cmon, how hard can it be?

Girl month has also been a little bit of a slut month for me- which has honestly been kind of the best part lmao. I mean my bodycount is still 1, but I've really enjoyed wearing revealing clothes, going out with my girltreat in, and thinking a lot about being a... well a free use fucktoy 😳.

Maybe I'll make another post trying to delve into the psychology of it, but I guess long story short... horny guys are gross, but horny girls are hot. That might only be true in my own lesbian*(?) head but I feel like its not just me who feels that way. Idk theres a lot to unpack there. Being a girl made me feel more confident being a pervert is what I'm saying, for better or worse.

(*For this month(?))

But to the main event: gender.

I started this month with the view that i was doing this for shits and giggles and nipple-orgasms.

I was planning to walk out of this having unlocked Cis+, as a BoyChad like Finnster who can walk through the Valley of Girl and not flinch at the feminine shadows cast over me.

But...

Rrrrrgh.

*deep sigh*

I guess... I'm probably not cis.

Yeah yeah I know the guy who volunteered to dress as a girl for a month for no reason is actually trans big surprise, someone call the pope, who could have seen this coming yada yada.

I will say that I'm not sure that I'm a girl either though.

I enjoy dressing up femme, and I get a little hit of dopamine whenever someone calls me Charlotte or uses she/her pronouns, but...

(Wait typing that sentence in real time just made me realise that i might just be a girl after all uuuh nvm continuing with my original point)

...I don't necessarily... feel like a girl? Like I mostly forget I'm a girl and then occasionally I think "oh yeah I'm supposed to be a girl rn. Or maybe... I just AM a girl for this month? Oh nice I'm a girl I guess sweet" and then carry on with my usual activities.

Although even that sounds pretty trans hmm.

(Good thing I successfully turned off Pop-ups or this post would be unreadable with the amount of Transgender XP I've gained lmao)

Does anyone remember that one comic? Its like the car driving "PENIS" face one except the thought is "im a girl". This is nonsense to non-tumblrinas I'm so sorry, if anyone finds the comic I'm thinking of please send it to me.

Anyway, i may not be a trans girl, maybe I'm nonbinary or maybe genderfluid or bigender or something else... but M** left Plato's cave when he became me/Charlotte, and I/she can't imagine going back in there and forgetting. Wearing a dress is just too much fun to quit lmao.

I definitely think i just don't have a very strong sense of gender in general- I've boymoded for family events and doctors appointments and felt no discomfort or dysphoria- but being a girl recreationally is just more fun!

I might do Boyweek in early november to try to solidify my gender opinions, but for now... my gender is almost certainly queer and i can't wait to find out what I become ^^.

Thank you everyone for reading and supporting me, thank you all my friends for being chill about this and thank you M & L for supplying me with E and thank you Y for being the madlad who took E for lols in the first place and MASSIVE thank you to the one who took me opshopping and opened my mind to polyamory and made this whole experience... just so much more comfortable and fun.

Oh and thanks to the random internet people who followed along too- Its been really cool to see this break containment in little ways!

Uuuh anyway this might feel like a very final retrospective post but I still have a couple of girlweeks left in girlmonth so I'll keep y'all posted with my future girlfits and antics!

Love y'all! ❤️🩷💜

[begaydodrughailsaten]

hi vik!

i just wanted to scoot in here and ask smth rq!! this is not an admonishment i’m just curious /gen

is there a reason skinny people have to be put down to lift fat people? like! idk personally i think body positivity should include All bodies big middle and small. if we’re skinny shaming people for their bodies we’re still commenting on how they look which can. really. have negative effects (as a person w eating issues)

plus like!! skinny is not always a choice just as fat is not always a choice. pre-diagnosis type 1 diabetics or people with overactive metabolisms or people who were in bad environments and developed an eating disorder just. idk it feels a little weird that body positivity (esp on tumblr) is Only about fat people it feels counterintuitive

this is all /nm /gen i am just!!! curious okay have a good day :D

Hi anon! I'm not quite sure what post you might be talking about, so I've scrolled through all my reblogs from the pst 24 hours to find all the posts about fat/skinny people to try and find the problem. If its not one of these post you were talking about feel free to send me the link of the one you were talking about, or that made you want to ask me this.

I don't think this is making fun of skinny people, just pointing out art often over exaggerates skinniness to an extreme, making people think any drawing where a woman isn't incredibly tiny is a "plus sized" drawing even though irl they would be considered skinny.

This one doesn't mention skinny people at all, just saying how some people from cultures out side of the us often like to dog pile on the idea "all Americans are fat and that makes them gross haha" which is a complete dog shit take for many reasons. I also say in the tags that we should not make fun of anyone for what they eat or how much they eat, that includes skinny people and people who only eat "healthy" foods, and people who don't eat a lot.

I mean both fat bitches and skinny bitches alike can not cast fireball. Sadly. There should be more fat bitches casting fireball in video games tho

I'm pretty sure this might be the one that made you upset, it has a much meaner tone then the rest. But it's also not making fun of skinny people. It's saying "if you reblog fat positive posts, just to say something along the lines of "i agree but im sooo small and skinny and tiny! But i agree!" You are scared of being seen as fat. And yes, I do understand that ED's play a real role in this, I have two teen sisters who both have ED's and last summer I only let myself eat anything other them sugar  free mints and black coffee once every three days I have both expected and seen first hand what ED's do. But that doesn't excuse the fact going on a fat positive post and showing everyone you are scared of being confused for a fat person can make fat people also scared about being seen as fat. It can also make anyone thats still pretty skinny or small thats even a bit bigger then you scared that maybe they are "too big"

I am really genuinely sorry if any I have personally said or reblogged has made you mad or hurt you anon. I don't think anything I've recently said was anti skinny or trying to make skinny people feel bad for there weight. Again if it wasn't one of these posts you were concerned about please send it to me so I can try and understand more of where you are coming from

/gen hope you have a good day too anon!!:3

[signedeclipse]

Hii! I hope your matchups are still open! If so, I would like to request one. (By the way, if my English is a bit bad, it’s bcs its not my first language. So sorry!)

Im an INFP, cancer, bisexual woman. I’m 5’7 (i think lol, in meters I’m 1,69m), I have purple hair in a tomboyish sidetails hairstyle and I’m a bit chubby.

Usually I really try to talk to people when I first meet them, but it’s pretty hard for me because I tend to shut off in situations that I haven’t prepared myself for or where I’m not comfortable with. But when I like someone and want to be friends (or when I’m friends) with them, I’m really intense (ig I don’t know how to describe it), loud, and excited (which at times can be a bit much for people, so I tend to try and not do that a lot).

I’d like to say I’m a warm person, I love to tell stories to people and I love being around the people I love. But I really like to be on my own too, after a day with talking to people I adore to just close myself off and to do something on my own.

I like people who give the same energy that you give them back. I’m pretty sensitive with like how people give their energy back (bdkabdks idk if this makes sense) and so if someone that I just met doesn’t look happy if I’m talking to them or if they don’t really pay attention I will get really nervous and I would be scared to talk to them.

My hobbies are: Gaming, drawing and swimming. I’m super interested in animals and space, and I rlly love watching documentaries about those things ! I also really love supernatural things/shows (although I don’t believe in the supernatural)

My dislikes are: Running, sweating (it’s so gross and you get like icky from it and euehgghhhhh) people that smile to your face and then shit about you behind your back. I hate the last one the absolute most, like if you hate me then at least show it and don’t pretend to like me.

Well,, that’s all!! I hope you have an amazing day/night and thank you in advance <333

You got…Tanjiro!

Tanjiro is a very understanding and sensitive person to others feelings, so he always reciprocates your emotions or reactions so long as nothing is bothering him! He can't help but get excited over something you're talking about because the passion makes his heart beat faster!

He is very curious and wants to know about a lot of things he might not yet, which is why he loves it when you tell him about the cool animals he's never seen, or teach him things about the sky! He encourages you to take him stargazing and to tell him more, because he thinks the stars are very pretty and adores special times with you.

He works out a lot though, and tries to encourage you to join him for a jog! He will never force you, but still likes to see you try for a bit because it makes him feel like you really do try for him. But he will make sure to clean up and offer to clean you up too so you don't have to suffer through the sweat.

Sometimes when you tell a story, he will have one too, and so you end up in a cycle of storytelling all night long! In just a day you learn ten times what anyone else has about one another, which leads to you being very close and understanding of one another.

If you ever mention something new that you like, he'll try to make a date out of it! Do you like this food? Surprise, date at a restaurant that specialises in it! If no one nearby makes it? He'll try to do it himself!

I imagine you'd know a lot about legends and myths, which really interest Nezuko so she will come out to hear your stories! Despite what Tanjiro has seen, some of your Japanese horror stories freak him out badly...he might come up with an excuse to get something so he misses the scary parts!

Expect him to fawn over you, and to love when you fawn over him! Tanjiro will protect you, but also likes to bring you on all his missions whether you are in the corps or not. If not, he encourages you to join the kakushi!

Authors Note - I hope you like your matchup! Also, a lot of people dont realize but I'm Canadian so I always have to translate meters into feet LOL

[urmomhatesme]

Anyways I'll put you on blast really fast.

I found out you thought I cheated by someone else, you would have never told me if I never brought it to you. When I asked you too explain I gave you receipts to show that you were wrong.

You didn't talk to me except for "mhm" and "yeah" (hyperbole but not really) for genuine months and when I asked why you said you were tired but would make more of an effort (you didn't!!!)

You sexually abused me and don't say you didn't because we had that conversation before where you admitted to it, and you saying I was sexually abusive to you is bullshit because you would text me sexual shit and I would ask if you wanted me to interact before I ever did anything.

I left because I was suffocated under the weight of our relationship because I was the only one putting in any effort for almost an entire year so when I did get my space you decided to talk behind my back and tell people I abandoned you

Also if you tell people I cheated on you with Spirit again I will go mental because that's just a bold faced lie and I have soooo many recipts to prove that

Also yeah, I did say I would ruin your social life because you were ruining mine. Over lies. And so I made sure anyone who knew you that I knew wouldnt speak to you again unless it was Floris but Floris also hurt me in extreme ways so (but ive forgiven floris because they actually acknowledged they fucked up unlike you)

You refused to apologize even after admitting you were lying.

And even then you were still talking shit about me bc I had one of your friends show me lmao

That friend also told me you were pretty much faking BPD btw and I totally believe that. Nobody likes you, and they shouldn't. Not when you hurt and use people like you did me when all I did was support you while you drained me

Oh also you don't use soap when you shower which is gross

And also you guys pushed me into triggering myself more then once (Ex; that time playing Stanley Parable with Nik and the ending where you throw yourself over the edge. You know exactly what Im talking about.)

Oh also Peter only fronted to ask for sex with Finch

Oh also Nova did the same to Lemon

Oh also!! You didn't just abuse me but also Eepy and Ace (even tho I don't like ace much)

I'm waiting for the day youll fucking wake up and realize I wasn't the issue.

and if you keep calling me the one who lacked communication, I'm going to keep pointing out the only reason I ever got an answer as to why you were lying is because FLORIS TOLD ME. BECAUSE YOU REFUSED YO TALK TO ME

Also I never made an alt to harass you. I had an alt in our old server which I used to try and get you to finish our conversation because you wouldn't (oh and I'm the one who lacks communication?)

You also told me more then once you were yandere over me or had OLD over me. you told me the violent ways you would hurt people over me if given the chance and I just had to follow along bc I was scared.

and bc you blocked me I'll just

@alterniaassortment

because even now the only person brave enough to face their fuck up is floris

[pesterloglog]

Roxy Lalonde

Act 6, page 5462-5466

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering undyingUmbrage [uu]

TG: psst hey calliopes bro

TG: i got

TG: a secret message 4 u

TG: it is

TG: ehehm

TG: CALLIOPE

TG: ....

TG: sooooooooo

TG: did that work

TG: calliope calliope calliope

TG: is 3 times the charm

TG: come onnnnn

TG: wake up sleepy head!

TG: le

TG: SIGN

TG: maybe youre just afk?

TG: i hope ur dumb POS brother doesnt end up reading this instead

TG: man i wish you would wake up

TG: rly wanna talk to a friend about everything that just happened

TG: i mean another friend who is not part and parcel to my 3 bffs ridorkulous nonsense

TG: guess ill just give u the scoop on the haps for whenever you wake up

TG: so yeah we all finally entered our game

TG: i think i was being the worst kind of turd 4 opposing the idea so long

TG: guess i thought i was being noble

TG: like sacrificing something that was important and we all wanted anyways just so i could fuck with the witch and her plans

TG: but i dunno what i was thinking

TG: cause this shit here is p great i have got to say

TG: now we are all of the sudden in this crazy place full of pretty green hills and a black empty sky

TG: i never actually seen anything like plants growin or a country side

TG: its so peaceful and quiet here

TG: i mean the racket my loudmouth pals are makin notwithstanding

TG: we are just chilling at jakes old broken house on a mountain figuring what to do

TG: lol this all happened so fuckin fast!

TG: i cant believe were all together like this suddenly

TG: just

TG: hangin out

TG: in actual person

TG: in our moon jammies

TG: this is better than i ever thought it would be in the silliest and stupidest way

TG: it feels so surreal and amazing just being here with my friends

TG: im still not even sure how this all came together

TG: mostly a lotta machiavellian/heroic XTREME STRIDER BULLSHIT

TG: like i was under attack there

TG: my colony was burning

TG: and i remember dying

TG: and i think jane must have died too?

TG: she was on derse but i have no idea how she got there

TG: i dunno if jake died too or what

TG: all i know is ppl were just dying their asses off left and right

TG: the b line is we were all in some shit

TG: dirk i think must have killed himself and like shipped his own head to jake on makeout mountain

TG: but dirk also kissed me it would seem

TG: while i was too dead to notice UNFORTUNATELY :c

TG: but then i woke up on derse which was gettin worked over by the red shit too

TG: and there jane was

TG: all lyin there bloodily and heart breakingly and probably dead

TG: so

TG: i knew i had to kiss her

TG: but

TG: god i feel so pathetic but i just couldnt do it for some reason?

TG: i wanted to but i guess the blood grossed me out and im a total disgrace of a friend

TG: i dont think ill tell her because its too embarrassing

TG: then dirk wakes up and kicks my squeamish butt out the way and kisses her even in spite of his superhuman gayness because he sucks less as a hero

TG: and then were blasting off suddenly on his fuckin rocket and i dont even KNOW whats happening but its all so awesome and we scoot by somewhere and pick jane up in her yellow dress and now SHES flying with us screamin the whole time hahahaha

TG: and then we get to jakes place and shit everywhere is on fire and hes asleep there so dirk splashes him with a bucket of ocean and tells me and jane to hide??

TG: so we do and jake wakes up and starts arguing with dirks gross head from the fucking future and climbs up on this stone wall for some reason and just starts making out with the head while the volcano explodes???

TG: jane and i are like what the absolute FUCK while dirks just there with his bucket all like 'yup'

TG: then we ollied out of that popsicle stand so now here we are

TG: wow

TG: that story is a goddamn mess

TG: what did i even just say

TG: i dunno

TG: ill try to make better sense of all this later

TG: i just wanted to tell you

TG: and thank you for all you did to bring us together like this

TG: it has meant so v much 2 me

TG: oh guess what i even have a new lightning bug pal!

TG: he is toties cute + friendly + blinky as all getout

TG: i think i will name him

TG: doctor blinkbottom

TG: no thats shit

TG: how about

TG: twinkly herbert

TG: lmfao that is kinda sucky too

TG: but i like it

TG: so i am a keep it

TG: herbert just blinked in total agreement omg what a friend

TG: ok calliope

TG: by which i mean.......

TG: CALLIOPE

TG: eh?

TG: ehhh???

TG: still nothin?

TG: k well i should go then

TG: my party is getting a lit bit rowdy over there

TG: oh my god what are they actually doing

TG: not even ten stinkin mins into our magic bestfriendquest and theyre already jacking up the drama

TG: need to flag down the dramambulance

TG: haul these fuckers away

TG: wow they are really being so absurd

TG: maybe its just cause im not tipsy atm but this shit is like hells of amateur hour to me r now

TG: maybe if i wasnt as sober as a nun gettin slapped by a librarian i wouldnt even notice?

TG: fa reals tho may i just say

TG: dying is a hell of a way to sober up quick

TG: got 2 remember that trick

TG: so hey wake up soon!!

TG: i will try again later

TG: must deal w some shit now

TG: urgh

TG: i think

TG: i could use a drink

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering undyingUmbrage [uu]

[justagrin]

smth i shoved into a discord group specifically for people to talk about SA (tw for implied csa/rape/incest)

oooof one of my friends disclosed to me that (tw sa & incest) their dad SA'd them (at least once? idk if its a reoccuring thing i didnt ask any questions n they understandably clammed up n changed the subject n i said "hey if you ever need to talk about anything i have similar experiences" but oh boy is it lowkey triggering that stuff for me rn. idefk if my stuff counts as sa tho. like i know my dad sexualised me a lot like verbally as a kid and i remember being disgusted all the time and i remember being fucking terrified of him all the time even when he didn't seem to be doing anything. and i remember him often saying or doing stuff and i'd just think to meself "ok we're repressing that!" (unsurprisingly i don't remember what actually prompted that). i dont have any memories of him touching me but i have some of someone touching me and the way i react to certain sexual situations is sus as fuck, but honestly those could be two entirely different things but idk! idk. i just remember telling my mum that all the stuff he said made me uncomfy and predictably got told i was "overreacting" and that it was "normal" which turned into "he just doesn't know when something's inappropriate" and honestly thats the closest to closure i'm ever gonna get but whatever. anyway the dots aren't connected enough to me to outright say i relate and im sure as fuck not ready to actually talk about it to anyone irl but yeah. idk where i was going with this tbh. i have a notebook of stuff from my childhood related to that^ (from when i've remembered them, but most of the stuff in the book i can't remember unless i read it over again) and my friends who've seen it have reacted with pretty strong disgust but idk. my entire childhood was that & gaslighting myself into thinking i was overreacting (which btw!! lead to me getting SA'd and harassed so many fucking times as an adult!!!) so it was normal to me pfft and counsellors i've shown it to all refuse to give me a solid answer bc they don't wanna "risk giving me false memories") but agghhh. one thing i definitely remember is whenever i had discharge or my period in my teens i'd just. want to cry and shake and curl up and errrrrrrmmmmmmm thats not normal lol. something was definitely wrong there but idk if i'll ever fucking be able to figure out what that is.

ok yeah i dug the notebook out again and (same tw's as above, just kind of graphic and intense) yeah theres a bit in there about him crawling into my bes and i was freaked the fuck out so i just ran out of the room and when i told my mum i was told it was "normal". and theres a bit where i was 14 and drew art based on the song pantsu nugeru mon (lit: i can take off my panties) bc i was 14!! i wasn't THINKING anything secxual!! it was a song about growing up to me! so my dumb ass showed my dad bc i was proud of the art itself and he got really weird and intense and close and was like "what are you going to do when you take off your panties?" which. ew. gross. fuck off. oh and that one time i fell asleep on the sofa and i guess i had a sex dream or smth which i didnt think anything of until my dad randomly got intense and weird again and asked if i "had any interesting dreams" that night (which he never usually does ffs). oh and he fully called ma tease relatively recently actually, and said i should call my (now ex) boyfriend "daddy", has referred to himself as my "daddy" in THAT godawful tone and makes frequent BDSM jokes towards his sister which is just an example of the verbal shit i had to put up with and idk how anyone in the room when it happens can excuse it but to them i guess its one weird thing he said they can brush off bc they don't realise i had to hear it CONSTANTLY and deal with what he DID to and they didn't see the scary moments. i also remember reading a magazine article about incest/csa when i was like 11ish?? and idk WHAT it triggered but my absolute fear of my dad/older men in general kind of started after that and my mum always said it was reading the magazine that did it but bro i dont think one thing like that can elicit a decade or so of consistent fight or flight mode I think my body remembered stuff that I can't.

Jesus fucking christ thats the most concise way i've ever actually described that. idk if anyone can relate or anything. also honestly now that he's been relatively "good" for a few years now in terms of how he speaks to me i don't really get the fear response anymore. and i'm dependent on him for finances and medical stuff so its. whatever. i guess. i'm fucking terrified that if i ever have a daughter he'll pull the same shit (hence basically nuking my body with birth control lmao) and luckily my brother's kids are both boys so i don't believe he's a threat to them if he didnt treat my brothers the same way he did me ygm? but idk what i can actually do about it