#also im pretty sure they shit all over me which. gross!
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anyway in other news if rodents have no haters i’m dead
(disclaimer this is not because i think they’re vermin or anything. i find them fascinating. this is a personal vendetta)
#was working with a group today and one of them got out of the enclosure and was making such a fuss about being held and then suddenly#settled down and i thought it was because he’d accepted his fate or something. NO. it was because he grabbed the nutrition medication#syringe from my pocket and started suckling it! what the fuck!#the audacity. the fucking audacity. also i was rushed with military precision in the goal of an escape attempt when i opened that enclosure#it was SO STRESSFUL#also im pretty sure they shit all over me which. gross!#wildlife rehab adventures#we also have a beaver rn and he’s mean as shit
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ok im talking abt diego and lila
their relationships this season was so gross to me i'll start with the biggest thing but the whole "yknow she said u couldnt get pregnant while breastfeeding, you can" was WEIRD, it was WEIRD and while it could have been in character for Diego to be stupid and a jerk and view it that way them never correcting this line of thinking really just paints Lila as some conniving evil woman that tricked Diego into having more babies. Which if its meant to be true is just about the most foul way you could have written her character bc sure turn all strong-headed women into evil people thats fine that has no repercussions on feminism. But also bc realistically Lila also didn't fucking know. And not coming to any sort of conclusion on if she did or didn't is kindof crazy bc people that took that as her genuinely tricking Diego into having babies are rightly pissed bc thats a fucked up thing to do but also when it happens in REAL LIFE (i give diegos twins a little handshake) the woman usually just doesn't fucking know either, its misinformation given by doctors and the woman are usually also not fucking aware of it and are not running schemes to trick men into having babies with them and I feel like portraying it that way is just gross and unnecessary Also generally why did they have to make them hate being parents to such extremes, I really really understand how a "diego and lila struggle to be parents to 3 children after being actual superheros their whole life" plotline could've been good and I was excited when they started it out but they ended it awfully and it just makes diego and lila look like kinda shitty parents???? literally the entire show they are complaining about their children, they act like they're a burden and it never gets turned around, Diego has like one moment of realizing he needs to be more present but it's mostly put in the context of him and Lila's relationship not either of their relationships with their kids, I don't even know 2 of their kids names I'm pretty sure they call them "the twins" the entire show. And the whole thing was completely overshadowed by the weird ass Lila/Five so they never got to have a moment of realizing their marriage is a good thing, or figuring out a way to go about their lives if they really didnt want to be married anymore. I really do understand they were trying to go for a good plot where Diego and Lila are struggling and it's so reasonable that they would be! But they could not fucking fit it all in 6 episodes with the amount of screentime it was given, and I rlly just think they should've dropped it cause its such a nuanced plot to throw and them rushing through it honestly just makes it seem like diego and lila are shit parents who ideally would've never had kids Idk I'm gonna watch those last few episodes again cause I admit my eyes were fucking glazing over trying to keep up with Diego and Lila's plot while Lila was w Five and I HOPE it was handled better than I realized the first watch but I really just feel like they fumbled it and the line making it seem like Lila was tricking him into having kids never getting resolved REALLY makes me feel like umbrella academy season 4 hates women
#tua s4 spoilers#tua spoilers#tua spoiler#tua s4#tua season 4#the umbrella academy#lila pitts#diego hargreeves
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@aspen-of-the-gentry replied to your post “Another reason, that I prefer "gerudo kick every...”:
i do like to think theyre trans inclusive, but i also have an au where a transfem link joins the gerudo army post botw so. i am biased im not actually sure what their stance would be on non-binary people. i think it depends how much you lean masc. i think they only let gorons in because they dont really... have gender. and are a grey area to them. but yeah it does kinda give "women and non men" which. kinda really gross yeah. and i dont know how to fix that I think for genderfluidity it would be the same of how much they lean masc on any given day. I hc that they lock up their gates to all outsiders when they have a king present though, At Least until he's of age, then he chooses whether or not to reopen them
Yeah....... one has to admit that pretty much any time they're going to play with the gerudo and gender-- and how transphobic they are or are not-- you're sidestepping WIDE into headcanon and other such biased theorycraft territory to get around and attempt to work with/without the transphobia and orientalism inherent to canon. They're really truly a Fandom Fixer Upper... for better and worse. Groan.
Even "masc lean" is iffy because again!! you could just stay dressed feminine and like... not tell anyone. What about feminine men and pre-physical/social-transition girls? What if you're mixed-presentation or fluctuate ID several times over the course of a day? It's giving "masculine cis girl gets chucked out of womens' bathroom"!! And What About Butches?! (besides the fact that I'd love to see some gerudo ones...)
[this kind of thing is why practically all gender role shit and presentation no matter how commonplace is inherently fetishistic malarkey, but I digress]
More inconsistent nasty-implications stuff that's all the more reason I ignore BotW/TotK's "no men allowed among gerudo" for "they just don't trust much anyone really"-- even if that's really just trading transphobia for xenophobia. There's really no clean way to keep it without somehow making them able to perfectly flawlessly know the gender IDs of everyone they meet very quickly, or making them at least somewhat transphobic. Which you certainly can... But I know that's not something a lot of people would want to try and intentionally approach, even to deconstruct and portray as wrong. You can't "fix it" is the exact thing because Nintendo made an inherently discriminatory design choice, so one either must work with it or resign to deliberately rebuilding and ignoring canon elements. Maybe a bit of both.
"Locking the gate to outsiders when a king is present" is a fair idea. Also there's room for the joke "Why won't you let men in when you let Ganondorf inside?" / "The sign says no MEN, we're allowed to have ONE" there, which is good enough reason for me.
#me well *I* have AUs where ********* **** ***** and ****** *********** is ******** and ******* so#only some place to remark on the biases others might have#gerudo#my contacts with tumblr entities#aspen-of-the-gentry#you see this sort of thing jumps out to me FAST as a weird-gendered person of Masculinity/Femininity/Other#It's All Superfluous#rough out here for queer gerudo fans....#I only hesitate to unleash my takes on gerudo and gender as it could be VINEGAR what would draw the DISGUISTING FLIES#(slamming my ruler down loudly frighteningly on my desk)
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I laughed at a comment stating that fighting game fans love mk12/mk1.
Haahahahha! That's fucking rich.
To who? Who?!
Who are these fighting game players you speak of?
True and older Mk fans hate this game with a burning passion more than they hate the old mk annihilation movie (and thats saying a lot because that movie sucks) and special forces game alike.
Non mk fighting game fans sure may lioe the game for like....a few months and then get bored. I've seen it,heard it from the grapevine that on average most players dont stay for more then a few min at a tike because it's ridiculously frustrating to get online and boring after a while because there's nothing actually exciting about it anymore.
So.....what are these mysterious players and numbers people keep getting? Why are people lying to save this game?
It sucks. It's been sucking because they knew that they fucked up their whole franchise and series for a quick $$$
I feel they knew after mkX that it was going down the shitter. Nrs and wb spent so much money on a nothing game(suicide squad,that apparently nobody wanted btw) to make an even more nothing game(mk12/mk1,which also nobody wanted,they wanted a remastered game either shaolin monks or mk9 was the most requested)
Like nrs got the money,wb got plenty the money at the time. But nope wasted on poor decisions and poor business practices.
Now they are preying on people's stupidity,short attention spans and the people who have money to throw at this bloated paperweight of a game.
People are either going back to old games. Or jumping ship to other fighting games because of these things.
This is facts and actual reality. Not make believe numbers ceos wanna tell you,or wannabe bootlickers of companies that could care less if their fans hate them so as long as they have their money.
Even bad press is good press to them.
This is the sign of a greedy corp and a capitalist mentality that ONLY money talks.
So yeah...mk12/mk1 is shit but not for the reasons people think. Superficial personal reasons dont really play much of a factor why i fucking hate that game with every fiber of my being.
I absolutely hate it's fans. Specifically the fans of that game in particular. None of the other mk games have made me feel that way. Even when i had problems with mk11,which i did. But seeing how nrs handled mk12/mk1? Yeah,I'll take mk11s problems over that anyday.
Just only mk12/mk1 to me is a hot peice of trash. As well as it's "fans". But again due to the greed and gross business practices behind it. And whenever you actually point out to others about it. Suddenly they have sand in their ears and or can't read or heard. That whole "nahnahnah,cant hear you" type thing.
It's not even about the arguably shitty story anymore. No. Mk12/mk1 is hot Garbage because it singlehandedly convinced it's players it's ok to buy an incomplete game so as long as it's pretty enough and not much work is put into the game to have people keep buying the same game over and over and over just title it differently and suddenly people have amnesia. And only minor bugs and "fixes" suddenly people think this saves the game. No this fixes problems in the coding that should have already been there. You're basically paying for a shitty made game made by lazy people. More likely lazy higher ups but some game devs are lazy too. But some are just underpaid,so i give them some grace. But mr.boon should know better bu now due to the midway days. Mk had it's fair share of crap,im no stranger there. I was there in real time kiddos.
But....now.....they have no excuse but themselves to blame at this point.
Does this mean i will stop playing mk or loving it? Hell no! Does this mean i will be smarter about my purchases from this series and company? Yes. Because out of all the games ever released,movies,tv,etc. Mk12/mk1 is the only game i lothe and the only time i would say truly mortal kombat took a big fat stinky L. Loss. Take it,learn from it.
But apparently they dont want to.
Even the shittiest,most horrible thing to come from mk doesn't compare to how much that game sucks.
But...My rambling aside.
Kontent will be up later today,something cute and festive. Possibly Christmas/new years (both lunar and annular)/holidays hcs.
Not sure yet.
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hi im gonna vent about my non existent sex life to my 3 followers now.
I’m in a ltr with an older man (i know) and it’s pretty cool for the most part except for the fact that i never get fucked lmao. it was pretty frequent and fun for the first like 8 months and now I’m lucky to get any like once a month. We got sick in winter 2022/2023, he had a terrible reaction psychologically. At first I understood bc like. We were REALLY sick. And then we got better. And I would try to initiate something and he would just give me the “maybe later” or “another day” stuff, and I wouldn’t ask again for like a week or so. And then I started doing a little amateur adult content as a side hustle, and he would take the pictures and stuff for me. So I would try to get a lil spicy. And he would turn me down. And I don’t know how to describe how absolutely shit it feels to have someone taking lewd pictures of you and them be completely turned off. Ouch. I started doing the pictures/videos alone and I would send him the best ones. He’d sometimes save them but usually I would get some half assed response. So I just stopped bc it made me feel gross. I’m like terminally horny as a person. I could fuck like 3x a day and still go again. I haven’t been able to get a “round two” since like August of 2022. He also presented himself when we first getting to know each other as super kinky and experimental. And he was at first. But it’s so vanilla since we got sick. Like, two positions and barely any variety. We bought some toys and rope and stuff. One of them we haven’t even used. Well, I have but it was alone. He told me, when I was first starting to really have my feelings hurt about his lack of sexual interest, that he has a hard time seeing me as both his life partner and as someone he can do kink with. And that really hurt. Like really bad. Like sure, the ppl he dated before he didn’t love (or the 1 night stands) the way he loves me. So how does it make sense that he gave them all the vulnerability and trust that kink involves but I can’t have that?? And then he says that we’re different, we’re better than most people because we don’t need to have a relationship based off sex. Homeboy if we did, the relationship would have withered and died ages ago. I’m a human being in my 20’s, I’m fucking horny!! I don’t understand why he thinks that it’s fair for him to have gotten to hook up and do all the fun stuff with other people, and now it’s just over for him forever. What about me? What about what I need? Like, I already feel like the once a month boring ass 30 minutes I get is a chore for him. I don’t want him to do anything he doesn’t feel comfortable with. It’s just really hurtful and unfair. I know he doesn’t wanna do an open relationship and I don’t either, but at this point I am so sexually frustrated. I feel embarrassed for wanting sex. I feel like he sees me as some kind of pure and untouchable thing, which makes no sense. I’ve always been up front about being really sexual, and kinky , and open, and unconventional. It’s like he refuses to see a whole entire side of me, except very superficially when we do get sexual. And even then I can tell he’s not really that enthusiastic, it seems like he’s on a mission to make both of us cum as quickly as possible. It’s not even fun anymore and I just feel so self conscious and shitty. It really fucking sucks not even being 25 with a dead bedroom. I’ve been trying to curb my sexual appetite as much as I can but at this point I’m gonna start chewing my fucking fingers off. The worst part is I know I’m not ugly. I know if most people had the chance they would happily get into bed with me. So why is it that the person who DOES get to, doesn’t even want it anymore?? I know he could have his pick of anybody as well. We were so compatible and so much happier when we were having sex more. Now I’m so full of resentment that I have a hard time connecting with him at all. I hate that I feel like this but I’m having to squash such big feelings 24/7. Ugh. Anyway.
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AKNDMN,S okay so
juts a fair warning this is a very long ramble so like. people reading this be careful you might be stuck here forever because you cant put read more in asks for some reason
I don't have any updated references for Six Silver Stars (the one who's very mad at one guy) so she won't. have any images.
She was created with the idea of mapping stars and planets and stuff so her puppet chamber was built outside of the can and made out of glass with her puppet arm attached to the roof of it. im sure this creates no issues at all whatsoever. anyways the main ancients that monitored her and talked to her did not like them. which im sure doesnt create any issues whatsoever. ive fallen in love with the idea of schools organising trips to visit the puppets of iterators so she made friends with this one kiddo who wasnt super social with the group. kid was often granted permission to visit her chamber and they'd often talk and just bond. kid was part of a fancy-ish family who was very devoted to the void. bring in Unnamed Iterator because i cannot think of a name
art and design not by me by a friend btw.
anyway they were made to bless people and prepare them for the void. like the people felt that they were ready and they pretty much just said 'yeah good luck' and gave them offerings and fancy robes and masks to hopefully make the void favour them slightly. Kids family went 'yeah lets all dip in the void and take our like. 15 year old kid with us this is so cool of us' which then left Stars pretty alone as her ancients often just. blocked communications for her because they were soo amazing(sarcasm) Stars immediately turned all blame onto the guy because its all she really had to blame. she didnt know the parents of the kid and she obviously wouldnt blame the kid so yeah. this guy was the blame.
this guy also worked very closely with Swirling Blossoms, Fading Fast
(again art and design not by me i saw this adopt and my brain went yesss) as they both had similar but different jobs. They made to be a god directly to the ancients, a place of worship, offerings and confessions. she was built with taboos SUPER SUPER SUPER enforced into her code like to an ungodly amount. also was given a lot of 'ancients need help you must help them they dont mean to do anything wrong ever they need help.' again i am sure that this didnt give them any issues surrounding themselves and their ancients at all. both them and unnamed guy communicated a lot and slowly started to date in secret which was Really Weighing on Blossoms because ''dont grow attached to anything thats a sin thats a no no ''
this continued to weigh in on her and like. a little while after the mass accession somehow messages between them got leaked. like not anything gross just typical couple stuff. not sure how this happened yet . but yeah, she was Very Stressed OUt About This despite like no once giving a shit. panic lead to her making dumb desicions and she ended the relationship and isolated herself. a lot 👍
so during this unnamed guy is like acticly trying to fix two relationships, one with someone they barely knew but felt very very bad for and one with their ex.
starts continued to do not very good and was exceedingly pissed at unnamed guy because before the mass ascension her communications were blocked and no one is able to break them or undo them. so like. they were sending scugs back and forth to Stars who was just like "Dude FUCK OFF you fucking killed my kid " and his ex was just sending them back with no response. theyre so fucking fucked over and a sopping beast and theyre not okay.
anyways theres more but this is also like. a brick post thats not very well organized so if youre still interested i might talk more about them in another ask
DIVORCE NUMER UNOOOOOOOOOO
#this is cool!!! luv all the interpersonal drama going on here#i'd love to hear more about blossoms tbh. she seems very mentally stable#long post#cramswering
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im gonna rant abt how much i hate the ghost eyes fandom (as a former fan) bc im just kinda mad rn
so uhh yeah major TW for s3lf h4rm, romanticizing mental illness, su1c1de, sadomasochism, infantilization, and rlly just anything related to that
(also sorry if this looks weird idk how to separate stuff on tumblr)
also DO NOT harass the creator or anyone mentioned here, you’re no better than them if you do that
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ok so i read ghost eyes like 2 years ago but i stopped reading about the point where they were on that field trip. i still think it’s a nice comic and i’m sure the author is a cool person, also the art style is awesome. but the fandom is so fucking gross that i’m surprised more people haven’t talked about it. 
for some backstory on this, i used have REALLY bad depression and was cutting myself regularly (i’m much better now, i have medication, therapy, and i’m almost a year clean) i also stopped reading due to the comic severely damaging my mental health and i’m very glad i did. i was younger and immature and thought i could handle such content. this led to me becoming extremely obsessed with the comic to an unhealthy level, and getting severely attached to one of the characters (rudy) because i could relate to him at that time. i seriously thought that i WAS him sometimes.
i understand now that i should NOT have ignored the label and what i did was definitely wrong and if the creator is reading this i deeply apologize. i’m in a much better place now and i’m just glad that i was able to get the help i needed.
ok now to the angry part
if you don’t know what ghost eyes is, it’s a webcomic about a severely traumatized boy attending school for the first time and meeting a bunch of other severely traumatized kids. this comic has a crap ton of triggering/sensitive/disturbing topics (which is not a bad thing as long as you do it right) and like i said before, the creator has kindly put a warning before the comic starts stating that you SHOULD NOT romanticize/idolize/sexualize/kin any of the characters, do not read unless you can handle such topics, and so forth. now i know i should have definitely put the comic down before and not gotten obsessed over it, but i knew damn well enough that it was messed up to romanticize/sexualize any of the characters/things that happened in the book.
there are several scenes in which a character is self harming or harming someone else, and the comments will say shit like “nooo my poor bean” “awww baby don’t do that” or my personal favorite “protect the smol bean.” first of all, the characters are like 16-17, second of all, i cannot even tell you how fucked up it is that people see someone ruining their lives and putting themselves in danger and think it’s “cute” or “anxiety smol bean uwu” THERES LITERALLY A SCENE WHERE SOMEONE IS GETTING STABBED AND PPL ARE DRAWING THIS MF IN A MAID DRESS.
another reason i despise these fans is that they see an abusive relationship and start making ships/kinning them. as someone who has gone through pretty much everything rudy has gone through, i cant tell you how irritating it is to see people shipping him with his abuser or calling him a “cutie patootie masochist boi uwu” cause lemme tell you what-it doesnt feel good to have to put your health in danger and ruin your relationships with others just so you can get off somehow. ITS NOT FUN. the whole point of rudy’s character is to not romanticize someones fucked up mental health.
i could spend hours talking about this group of immature brats, but i’m tired and it’s a school night and i have a test tomorrow. i might add on if i feel like i need to but overall i really hope those immature fans grow up and realize their mistakes like i did, or get the help they need.
#ghost eyes#webcomic#rant#angry ramblings#angry rant#i hate this fandom#tw su1c1d3#tw sh implied#go get some help please
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I think swifties in a very weird and gross way want joe to have been an absolute ass and emotionally abusive because then they’ll feel that all of Taylor’s friends behaving like that and even Taylor behaving in a very petty and just overtly mean way right after the breakup announcement would be justified. They believe that Taylor isn’t truly fully petty like that so she can’t possibly be doing that just because there just has to be a huge reason for everybody’s behaviour at the time cuz otherwise it makes her look immature. I also think because Taylor presented this image of him being so perfect that now fans that formed a very evident attachment to him feel betrayed so he has to have been horrible and awful all along. I truly don’t understand the she became voiceless part because honestly I know we don’t know alot right now but the info before us makes me feel like sometimes she’s pissed that she was forced to slightly face her morals head on in part because of him. on a side note I honestly don’t believe he’s some poor victim and I know that he might’ve been crappy to her and she might’ve been an ass but right now I just find it weird and icky that so what you’re presenting to us is that he couldn’t handle your fame and after the breakup you’re choosing to literally name your album after a group chat he had so it’s like you’ve kind of sentenced him to being in the headlines perpetually whenever the name of your album is mentioned and it’s like this isn’t just her discussing her feelings in a song which I don’t know others might not feel this way and it’s perfectly fine but like the song stuff sure can make the situation difficult for the other person slightly but I feel like that’s alright ya know you knew she’s a songwriter when you started dating her but this is the actual name of her album. Like she might put a spin on it and now she’s made that title her own which is perfecting fine but you can’t convince that miss marketing queen wasn’t aware that this wouldn’t happen especially because the way she and her friends have acted after the break up really fuelled the feud narrative. This part isn’t a huge offence on her part and I understand isn’t a big deal but it’s just icky to me
yuuuup i agree!!! i feel like joe and taylor had their issues but fully intended to make things work. but life happens, people change. i feel like ive seen a shift in taylor’s personality over the past few years. the thing i liked about joe/ taylor were how private they were, like we didn’t hear every single thought or action they did like we are seeing now. it felt like taylor had her own life and i was so content with that. we obviously don’t know anything more than what *taylor* has written about them in her music. joe doesn’t really say shit about her (and yeah ik that article went around about how he was feeling slighted by the album announcement but like be so fr anyone could have made that statement up- i feel slighted FOR him for gods sake) and he’s been pretty respectful of her their entire relationship publicly at least. he’s always known she’s a storyteller and writer so im sure it wasn’t exactly shocking information to hear about her writing about him, but yeah i do have to say after being so close and private with someone for years and then having them release an entire album less than a year after the breakup, filled with vague LDR rip off song titles that reference you in the slightest bit, therefore triggering millions of Defensive swiffers to openly bully and harass you online for…..ending a relationship you probably were grieving over too- just so fucking petty.
like sure we’re used to hear how taylor feels about her exes/ past relationships, but this was when she was still vague about what songs were about who, and we had at least 2+ years between the. breakups to learn about it. it feels like she rushed to put together another album to just shit on joe specifically…..like it just feels so wrong. imo.
i was sent this reddit thread and it actually made me think A Lot about how taylor works
#answered#anonymous#like i’m not even a joe stan ive never seen a single thing that man has been in but good god yall are acting like he’s re villain????#for breaking up with her?????????#possibly?????? like we don’t even know yall just want to hate a man#if we’re gonna hate on an ex can we PLEASE go back to john mayer????????????? he is so much more deserving of it
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been thinking about that thing i reblogged thats like (by the way im buzzed off my ass on whiskey so excuse extra nonsensicalness) "i dont know how to tell you all adults were children once" thing cause i have been on and off Stressing about my ocs that im writing a book of
because they started off as dnd characters i was playing where my husband and i play by ourselves with 3 characters each (lol) and fenriel is a 30 something year old dragonborn and atreyu is a 200 year old half drow and for the longest time i was like. i want them to be good friends, nothing more. i want them to highkey bond and help each other with their traumas.
but after like a year of this i had the moment where i realized they are fucking in Love with each other bitch. like gay it up bros. theyre so gay alright??? and ozadius this lowkey old man wizard tiefling is like the fucking gay uncle who pretty much raised fenriel after he found him half dead from his abusive mother that he finally just kills in self defense but ozadius grew up in the city where atreyu lived so atreyu watched ozadius grow up and now they are bros. but atreyu is baby because 200 is still young for an elf. its a weird dynamic alright
BUT. when i decided i love these characters enough to write a whole ass multi book length shit of them, im writing fenriels childhood with his mother and when ozadius finds him and shit and fenriel will meet atreyu as a child because ozadius is gonna go to atreyu for help with some specific crap. they, and atreyu's twin sister are all the main characters so i cant just leave anyone out to avoid the awkward shit
SO. i have to navigate the idea that on and off atreyu at like 180 years old will get to know fenriel as a child, but later as adults they are in love okay. but atreyu will absolutely not have a single thought or feeling in his brain about fenriel that way (who as he gets older will crush on atreyu, sure) NOT A THOUGHT. it will have to be knocked into his head only when fenriel is past 30 years old and shit goes down. he'll still be oblivious when fenriel is 30, and not realize shit until some things happen. totally oblivious for fucking ever.
i stress out people would think this is gross. they wont see each other often while fenriel is growing up even though they will meet on and off and have some plot stuff happen when fenriel is still a kid and teen i guess. and atreyu is gonna be dealing with some heavy other shit and like i said will be completely oblivious until fenriel is over 30 years old when they will be around each other longer term for plot shit.
i dont see the problem but people are so sensitive about this shit. and like i dont care but also ???????
shits weird when you are dealing with characters that are extremely long lived. especially when there is the idea that a 200 year old elf is equivalent to a very young adult
i would have to completely ditch so much shit like either have them never meet when fenriel is a child which would force me to rewrite an insane amount of the entire backstory for everyone, or not have them ever be a romantic thing which screw that, they are important to me that way
so damn. im frustrated lol
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Insiders (2023) - redrawn from 2019
(rambling under the cut)
thank you tumblr for compressing my image down to disgusting crusty poop pixels on the app
i love to do a new big reference piece for my babies every few years, and the time has finally come due… and WOW !!! LOOK AT THAT IMPROVEMENT !!! everyone looks Normal And Alive and Non Bugeyed !!! everyone is a little less pasty white (im talking about you, tanith) !!! i think they all show a lil bit of nice personality in their faces now too which is lovely for me. i love to see my children happy. now to write about each of them
angelo’s line art has the least effort into it here and i was GONNA redraw him but honestly if anyone is going to look like a scrunkly little bug IT IS GOING TO BE HIM !!!!!! It’s been a minute since i’ve drawn his body-saws and on a whim i made them red AND !!! IT WORKS !!! I’M A FAN !!! i think he’s due for a main-outfit change though. not sure. i struggled with finding him a natural-looking skin color too because i’ve slowly made him as a person less undead-corpse-like and i think i’ve found a good spot. for now.
i pulled the perfect angora out of my mind and honestly i am shocked at what i have created. she looks so sweet and kind and innocent here (as she should) that to any unfamiliar observers you’d be hard pressed to tell she’s a big lazy gross vulgar piece of shit rat of a fishwoman. and that is EXACTLY how it should be. i have lost the plot for too long, giving her more sharp edges and a hunched back and wild expressions, but the standard angora really should be deceptively pretty. because that’s my girl.
Mila looks great as always. What more can I say? She’s always perfect. I had fun giving her lips for the first time!
AMPH … MY ADISHESHA … (slamming my fist down) I’ve finally perfected him… isn’t he pretty? isn’t he so pretty? I chose to draw him in his naga/incarnated form instead of the shadow form this time because i wasn’t lazy. I decided to throw a big coat on him, originally intended to be more lab coat-y, but influenced by how fucking cold it is outside i allowed myself to give him a big fur collared one. because if you can’t tell i love giving characters though. i think it worked out well for AMPH here, and now I have to be putting him in all sorts of cowls and capes until the end of time.
TANITH !!!!!!!! GGGGYRRRRAAAAHHHHH!!!! LOOK AT MY GIRL !!!!!!! I’M FERAL OVER THIS!!!!!! LOOK AT MY IMPROVEMENT !!!!!!! it’s been a hot minute since i’ve colored her, but i changed her palette in my mind a while ago AND looking at it here ? existing ? i’ve done it again. My lovely little sword daughter … i know i JUST doodled her but christ something was in the water here because SHE LOOKS SO GOOD. this is the best ive drawn any of them. i gave her some nice clothes this time instead of her usual big t-shirt because i realized i only gave her that in the past because i didn’t know how to draw clothes.
speaking of “best ive ever drawn any of them” somnus … THIS IS HIM … i’ve gotten close to capturing him in all the times i’ve drawn him but i think i’ve finally pinned him down here. and of course, he’s hitting the same pose as his wife because they’re cute like that. i ripped his colors straight from the solo reference piece i made for him a while back which has held up quite wonderfully.
FINALLY !!! SETH IS HERE !!! HE HAS ARRIVED IN PROPER INSIDERS GROUP ART !!! he looks pretty good here. i think he could still look BETTER, but for the purpose of having a nice group reference piece he looks pretty great i think. I struggled pinning down some colors for his clothes and was pretty lazy with the Purple Under His Hair That Glows BUT WHO CARES !!!! LOOKS GOOD TO ME !!! LOOK AT MY HANDSOME SON !!! i also decided to stick his full name on here that i’ve kept vaulted up for the reason that i’ve never had to put it anywhere before. if you know why he has “-zoe adamiel” as his chosen full name, congrats, you’re a huge fucking nerd.
eventually, i’m probably going to tack daisy, kane, sampi and demiurge onto the right side of this piece, but that’s for another day down the line. thanks for reading!
#insiders#oc#oc art#original character#original characters#oc design#oc designs#mostspecialgirlarttag#relicverse#sinai clan#angelo rust#angora heta#mila sinai#amph#tanith#soma somnus#seth-zoe adamiel
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Girlfit! Gamer socks/armthings and a sundress might not go well together on paper, but I like this fit a lot 🩷 girls just have so many more customisation options to pick from. And you know what they say, you gotta Get Railed in a Sundress 😜
---
So! Girl Month is two thirds over... whats the state of affairs?
Its been a little while since I last posted anything substantive bc well... girltime has been normalised. In the first week I was very strict about wearing only "proper" girly clothes, not even using my normal dressing gown! But as time passed I've allowed myself to wear more unisex clothing - for better or worse. In general Girl month has become less... exciting and wild and more a mundane part of life. I go out in girlmode and don't think twice about it.
I've been on E nearly 2 weeks now with no effect, which I guess I expected but its a little disappointing. My nips don't feel any more sensitive than usual which is lame.
Sidequest 2 and 3 have not been completed, but I'm planning to complete 3 tomorrow which I'm looking forward to (shes soo hot). And I forsee myself completing 2 also bc like... cmon, how hard can it be?
Girl month has also been a little bit of a slut month for me- which has honestly been kind of the best part lmao. I mean my bodycount is still 1, but I've really enjoyed wearing revealing clothes, going out with my girltreat in, and thinking a lot about being a... well a free use fucktoy 😳.
Maybe I'll make another post trying to delve into the psychology of it, but I guess long story short... horny guys are gross, but horny girls are hot. That might only be true in my own lesbian*(?) head but I feel like its not just me who feels that way. Idk theres a lot to unpack there. Being a girl made me feel more confident being a pervert is what I'm saying, for better or worse.
(*For this month(?))
But to the main event: gender.
I started this month with the view that i was doing this for shits and giggles and nipple-orgasms.
I was planning to walk out of this having unlocked Cis+, as a BoyChad like Finnster who can walk through the Valley of Girl and not flinch at the feminine shadows cast over me.
But...
Rrrrrgh.
*deep sigh*
I guess... I'm probably not cis.
Yeah yeah I know the guy who volunteered to dress as a girl for a month for no reason is actually trans big surprise, someone call the pope, who could have seen this coming yada yada.
I will say that I'm not sure that I'm a girl either though.
I enjoy dressing up femme, and I get a little hit of dopamine whenever someone calls me Charlotte or uses she/her pronouns, but...
(Wait typing that sentence in real time just made me realise that i might just be a girl after all uuuh nvm continuing with my original point)
...I don't necessarily... feel like a girl? Like I mostly forget I'm a girl and then occasionally I think "oh yeah I'm supposed to be a girl rn. Or maybe... I just AM a girl for this month? Oh nice I'm a girl I guess sweet" and then carry on with my usual activities.
Although even that sounds pretty trans hmm.
(Good thing I successfully turned off Pop-ups or this post would be unreadable with the amount of Transgender XP I've gained lmao)
Does anyone remember that one comic? Its like the car driving "PENIS" face one except the thought is "im a girl". This is nonsense to non-tumblrinas I'm so sorry, if anyone finds the comic I'm thinking of please send it to me.
Anyway, i may not be a trans girl, maybe I'm nonbinary or maybe genderfluid or bigender or something else... but M** left Plato's cave when he became me/Charlotte, and I/she can't imagine going back in there and forgetting. Wearing a dress is just too much fun to quit lmao.
I definitely think i just don't have a very strong sense of gender in general- I've boymoded for family events and doctors appointments and felt no discomfort or dysphoria- but being a girl recreationally is just more fun!
I might do Boyweek in early november to try to solidify my gender opinions, but for now... my gender is almost certainly queer and i can't wait to find out what I become ^^.
Thank you everyone for reading and supporting me, thank you all my friends for being chill about this and thank you M & L for supplying me with E and thank you Y for being the madlad who took E for lols in the first place and MASSIVE thank you to the one who took me opshopping and opened my mind to polyamory and made this whole experience... just so much more comfortable and fun.
Oh and thanks to the random internet people who followed along too- Its been really cool to see this break containment in little ways!
Uuuh anyway this might feel like a very final retrospective post but I still have a couple of girlweeks left in girlmonth so I'll keep y'all posted with my future girlfits and antics!
Love y'all! ❤️🩷💜
#girl month#girltober#transgender#genderqueer#girl#gender#girlblogging#girl month nsft#girl drugs#hey guys did you know that in terms of male human and female pok-*sniper takes me out*#girl fit#i censored my boyname not bc I have strong feelings against it but just for internet privacy reasons lmao#yes i picked the vaporeon gif for that reason lmao
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hi vik!
i just wanted to scoot in here and ask smth rq!! this is not an admonishment i’m just curious /gen
is there a reason skinny people have to be put down to lift fat people? like! idk personally i think body positivity should include All bodies big middle and small. if we’re skinny shaming people for their bodies we’re still commenting on how they look which can. really. have negative effects (as a person w eating issues)
plus like!! skinny is not always a choice just as fat is not always a choice. pre-diagnosis type 1 diabetics or people with overactive metabolisms or people who were in bad environments and developed an eating disorder just. idk it feels a little weird that body positivity (esp on tumblr) is Only about fat people it feels counterintuitive
this is all /nm /gen i am just!!! curious okay have a good day :D
Hi anon! I'm not quite sure what post you might be talking about, so I've scrolled through all my reblogs from the pst 24 hours to find all the posts about fat/skinny people to try and find the problem. If its not one of these post you were talking about feel free to send me the link of the one you were talking about, or that made you want to ask me this.
I don't think this is making fun of skinny people, just pointing out art often over exaggerates skinniness to an extreme, making people think any drawing where a woman isn't incredibly tiny is a "plus sized" drawing even though irl they would be considered skinny.
This one doesn't mention skinny people at all, just saying how some people from cultures out side of the us often like to dog pile on the idea "all Americans are fat and that makes them gross haha" which is a complete dog shit take for many reasons. I also say in the tags that we should not make fun of anyone for what they eat or how much they eat, that includes skinny people and people who only eat "healthy" foods, and people who don't eat a lot.
I mean both fat bitches and skinny bitches alike can not cast fireball. Sadly. There should be more fat bitches casting fireball in video games tho
I'm pretty sure this might be the one that made you upset, it has a much meaner tone then the rest. But it's also not making fun of skinny people. It's saying "if you reblog fat positive posts, just to say something along the lines of "i agree but im sooo small and skinny and tiny! But i agree!" You are scared of being seen as fat. And yes, I do understand that ED's play a real role in this, I have two teen sisters who both have ED's and last summer I only let myself eat anything other them sugar  free mints and black coffee once every three days I have both expected and seen first hand what ED's do. But that doesn't excuse the fact going on a fat positive post and showing everyone you are scared of being confused for a fat person can make fat people also scared about being seen as fat. It can also make anyone thats still pretty skinny or small thats even a bit bigger then you scared that maybe they are "too big"
I am really genuinely sorry if any I have personally said or reblogged has made you mad or hurt you anon. I don't think anything I've recently said was anti skinny or trying to make skinny people feel bad for there weight. Again if it wasn't one of these posts you were concerned about please send it to me so I can try and understand more of where you are coming from
/gen hope you have a good day too anon!!:3
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Hii! I hope your matchups are still open! If so, I would like to request one. (By the way, if my English is a bit bad, it’s bcs its not my first language. So sorry!)
Im an INFP, cancer, bisexual woman. I’m 5’7 (i think lol, in meters I’m 1,69m), I have purple hair in a tomboyish sidetails hairstyle and I’m a bit chubby.
Usually I really try to talk to people when I first meet them, but it’s pretty hard for me because I tend to shut off in situations that I haven’t prepared myself for or where I’m not comfortable with. But when I like someone and want to be friends (or when I’m friends) with them, I’m really intense (ig I don’t know how to describe it), loud, and excited (which at times can be a bit much for people, so I tend to try and not do that a lot).
I’d like to say I’m a warm person, I love to tell stories to people and I love being around the people I love. But I really like to be on my own too, after a day with talking to people I adore to just close myself off and to do something on my own.
I like people who give the same energy that you give them back. I’m pretty sensitive with like how people give their energy back (bdkabdks idk if this makes sense) and so if someone that I just met doesn’t look happy if I’m talking to them or if they don’t really pay attention I will get really nervous and I would be scared to talk to them.
My hobbies are: Gaming, drawing and swimming. I’m super interested in animals and space, and I rlly love watching documentaries about those things ! I also really love supernatural things/shows (although I don’t believe in the supernatural)
My dislikes are: Running, sweating (it’s so gross and you get like icky from it and euehgghhhhh) people that smile to your face and then shit about you behind your back. I hate the last one the absolute most, like if you hate me then at least show it and don’t pretend to like me.
Well,, that’s all!! I hope you have an amazing day/night and thank you in advance <333
You got…Tanjiro!
Tanjiro is a very understanding and sensitive person to others feelings, so he always reciprocates your emotions or reactions so long as nothing is bothering him! He can't help but get excited over something you're talking about because the passion makes his heart beat faster!
He is very curious and wants to know about a lot of things he might not yet, which is why he loves it when you tell him about the cool animals he's never seen, or teach him things about the sky! He encourages you to take him stargazing and to tell him more, because he thinks the stars are very pretty and adores special times with you.
He works out a lot though, and tries to encourage you to join him for a jog! He will never force you, but still likes to see you try for a bit because it makes him feel like you really do try for him. But he will make sure to clean up and offer to clean you up too so you don't have to suffer through the sweat.
Sometimes when you tell a story, he will have one too, and so you end up in a cycle of storytelling all night long! In just a day you learn ten times what anyone else has about one another, which leads to you being very close and understanding of one another.
If you ever mention something new that you like, he'll try to make a date out of it! Do you like this food? Surprise, date at a restaurant that specialises in it! If no one nearby makes it? He'll try to do it himself!
I imagine you'd know a lot about legends and myths, which really interest Nezuko so she will come out to hear your stories! Despite what Tanjiro has seen, some of your Japanese horror stories freak him out badly...he might come up with an excuse to get something so he misses the scary parts!
Expect him to fawn over you, and to love when you fawn over him! Tanjiro will protect you, but also likes to bring you on all his missions whether you are in the corps or not. If not, he encourages you to join the kakushi!
Authors Note - I hope you like your matchup! Also, a lot of people dont realize but I'm Canadian so I always have to translate meters into feet LOL
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Anyways I'll put you on blast really fast.
I found out you thought I cheated by someone else, you would have never told me if I never brought it to you. When I asked you too explain I gave you receipts to show that you were wrong.
You didn't talk to me except for "mhm" and "yeah" (hyperbole but not really) for genuine months and when I asked why you said you were tired but would make more of an effort (you didn't!!!)
You sexually abused me and don't say you didn't because we had that conversation before where you admitted to it, and you saying I was sexually abusive to you is bullshit because you would text me sexual shit and I would ask if you wanted me to interact before I ever did anything.
I left because I was suffocated under the weight of our relationship because I was the only one putting in any effort for almost an entire year so when I did get my space you decided to talk behind my back and tell people I abandoned you
Also if you tell people I cheated on you with Spirit again I will go mental because that's just a bold faced lie and I have soooo many recipts to prove that
Also yeah, I did say I would ruin your social life because you were ruining mine. Over lies. And so I made sure anyone who knew you that I knew wouldnt speak to you again unless it was Floris but Floris also hurt me in extreme ways so (but ive forgiven floris because they actually acknowledged they fucked up unlike you)
You refused to apologize even after admitting you were lying.
And even then you were still talking shit about me bc I had one of your friends show me lmao
That friend also told me you were pretty much faking BPD btw and I totally believe that. Nobody likes you, and they shouldn't. Not when you hurt and use people like you did me when all I did was support you while you drained me
Oh also you don't use soap when you shower which is gross
And also you guys pushed me into triggering myself more then once (Ex; that time playing Stanley Parable with Nik and the ending where you throw yourself over the edge. You know exactly what Im talking about.)
Oh also Peter only fronted to ask for sex with Finch
Oh also Nova did the same to Lemon
Oh also!! You didn't just abuse me but also Eepy and Ace (even tho I don't like ace much)
I'm waiting for the day youll fucking wake up and realize I wasn't the issue.
and if you keep calling me the one who lacked communication, I'm going to keep pointing out the only reason I ever got an answer as to why you were lying is because FLORIS TOLD ME. BECAUSE YOU REFUSED YO TALK TO ME
Also I never made an alt to harass you. I had an alt in our old server which I used to try and get you to finish our conversation because you wouldn't (oh and I'm the one who lacks communication?)
You also told me more then once you were yandere over me or had OLD over me. you told me the violent ways you would hurt people over me if given the chance and I just had to follow along bc I was scared.
and bc you blocked me I'll just
@alterniaassortment
because even now the only person brave enough to face their fuck up is floris
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Roxy Lalonde
Act 6, page 5462-5466
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering undyingUmbrage [uu]
TG: psst hey calliopes bro
TG: i got
TG: a secret message 4 u
TG: it is
TG: ehehm
TG: CALLIOPE
TG: ....
TG: sooooooooo
TG: did that work
TG: calliope calliope calliope
TG: is 3 times the charm
TG: come onnnnn
TG: wake up sleepy head!
TG: le
TG: SIGN
TG: maybe youre just afk?
TG: i hope ur dumb POS brother doesnt end up reading this instead
TG: man i wish you would wake up
TG: rly wanna talk to a friend about everything that just happened
TG: i mean another friend who is not part and parcel to my 3 bffs ridorkulous nonsense
TG: guess ill just give u the scoop on the haps for whenever you wake up
TG: so yeah we all finally entered our game
TG: i think i was being the worst kind of turd 4 opposing the idea so long
TG: guess i thought i was being noble
TG: like sacrificing something that was important and we all wanted anyways just so i could fuck with the witch and her plans
TG: but i dunno what i was thinking
TG: cause this shit here is p great i have got to say
TG: now we are all of the sudden in this crazy place full of pretty green hills and a black empty sky
TG: i never actually seen anything like plants growin or a country side
TG: its so peaceful and quiet here
TG: i mean the racket my loudmouth pals are makin notwithstanding
TG: we are just chilling at jakes old broken house on a mountain figuring what to do
TG: lol this all happened so fuckin fast!
TG: i cant believe were all together like this suddenly
TG: just
TG: hangin out
TG: in actual person
TG: in our moon jammies
TG: this is better than i ever thought it would be in the silliest and stupidest way
TG: it feels so surreal and amazing just being here with my friends
TG: im still not even sure how this all came together
TG: mostly a lotta machiavellian/heroic XTREME STRIDER BULLSHIT
TG: like i was under attack there
TG: my colony was burning
TG: and i remember dying
TG: and i think jane must have died too?
TG: she was on derse but i have no idea how she got there
TG: i dunno if jake died too or what
TG: all i know is ppl were just dying their asses off left and right
TG: the b line is we were all in some shit
TG: dirk i think must have killed himself and like shipped his own head to jake on makeout mountain
TG: but dirk also kissed me it would seem
TG: while i was too dead to notice UNFORTUNATELY :c
TG: but then i woke up on derse which was gettin worked over by the red shit too
TG: and there jane was
TG: all lyin there bloodily and heart breakingly and probably dead
TG: so
TG: i knew i had to kiss her
TG: but
TG: god i feel so pathetic but i just couldnt do it for some reason?
TG: i wanted to but i guess the blood grossed me out and im a total disgrace of a friend
TG: i dont think ill tell her because its too embarrassing
TG: then dirk wakes up and kicks my squeamish butt out the way and kisses her even in spite of his superhuman gayness because he sucks less as a hero
TG: and then were blasting off suddenly on his fuckin rocket and i dont even KNOW whats happening but its all so awesome and we scoot by somewhere and pick jane up in her yellow dress and now SHES flying with us screamin the whole time hahahaha
TG: and then we get to jakes place and shit everywhere is on fire and hes asleep there so dirk splashes him with a bucket of ocean and tells me and jane to hide??
TG: so we do and jake wakes up and starts arguing with dirks gross head from the fucking future and climbs up on this stone wall for some reason and just starts making out with the head while the volcano explodes???
TG: jane and i are like what the absolute FUCK while dirks just there with his bucket all like 'yup'
TG: then we ollied out of that popsicle stand so now here we are
TG: wow
TG: that story is a goddamn mess
TG: what did i even just say
TG: i dunno
TG: ill try to make better sense of all this later
TG: i just wanted to tell you
TG: and thank you for all you did to bring us together like this
TG: it has meant so v much 2 me
TG: oh guess what i even have a new lightning bug pal!
TG: he is toties cute + friendly + blinky as all getout
TG: i think i will name him
TG: doctor blinkbottom
TG: no thats shit
TG: how about
TG: twinkly herbert
TG: lmfao that is kinda sucky too
TG: but i like it
TG: so i am a keep it
TG: herbert just blinked in total agreement omg what a friend
TG: ok calliope
TG: by which i mean.......
TG: CALLIOPE
TG: eh?
TG: ehhh???
TG: still nothin?
TG: k well i should go then
TG: my party is getting a lit bit rowdy over there
TG: oh my god what are they actually doing
TG: not even ten stinkin mins into our magic bestfriendquest and theyre already jacking up the drama
TG: need to flag down the dramambulance
TG: haul these fuckers away
TG: wow they are really being so absurd
TG: maybe its just cause im not tipsy atm but this shit is like hells of amateur hour to me r now
TG: maybe if i wasnt as sober as a nun gettin slapped by a librarian i wouldnt even notice?
TG: fa reals tho may i just say
TG: dying is a hell of a way to sober up quick
TG: got 2 remember that trick
TG: so hey wake up soon!!
TG: i will try again later
TG: must deal w some shit now
TG: urgh
TG: i think
TG: i could use a drink
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering undyingUmbrage [uu]
#homestuck#roxy lalonde#homestuck act 6#page 5462#page 5463#page 5464#page 5465#page 5466#homestuck act 6 intermission 4
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smth i shoved into a discord group specifically for people to talk about SA (tw for implied csa/rape/incest)
oooof one of my friends disclosed to me that (tw sa & incest) their dad SA'd them (at least once? idk if its a reoccuring thing i didnt ask any questions n they understandably clammed up n changed the subject n i said "hey if you ever need to talk about anything i have similar experiences" but oh boy is it lowkey triggering that stuff for me rn. idefk if my stuff counts as sa tho. like i know my dad sexualised me a lot like verbally as a kid and i remember being disgusted all the time and i remember being fucking terrified of him all the time even when he didn't seem to be doing anything. and i remember him often saying or doing stuff and i'd just think to meself "ok we're repressing that!" (unsurprisingly i don't remember what actually prompted that). i dont have any memories of him touching me but i have some of someone touching me and the way i react to certain sexual situations is sus as fuck, but honestly those could be two entirely different things but idk! idk. i just remember telling my mum that all the stuff he said made me uncomfy and predictably got told i was "overreacting" and that it was "normal" which turned into "he just doesn't know when something's inappropriate" and honestly thats the closest to closure i'm ever gonna get but whatever. anyway the dots aren't connected enough to me to outright say i relate and im sure as fuck not ready to actually talk about it to anyone irl but yeah. idk where i was going with this tbh. i have a notebook of stuff from my childhood related to that^ (from when i've remembered them, but most of the stuff in the book i can't remember unless i read it over again) and my friends who've seen it have reacted with pretty strong disgust but idk. my entire childhood was that & gaslighting myself into thinking i was overreacting (which btw!! lead to me getting SA'd and harassed so many fucking times as an adult!!!) so it was normal to me pfft and counsellors i've shown it to all refuse to give me a solid answer bc they don't wanna "risk giving me false memories") but agghhh. one thing i definitely remember is whenever i had discharge or my period in my teens i'd just. want to cry and shake and curl up and errrrrrrmmmmmmm thats not normal lol. something was definitely wrong there but idk if i'll ever fucking be able to figure out what that is.
ok yeah i dug the notebook out again and (same tw's as above, just kind of graphic and intense) yeah theres a bit in there about him crawling into my bes and i was freaked the fuck out so i just ran out of the room and when i told my mum i was told it was "normal". and theres a bit where i was 14 and drew art based on the song pantsu nugeru mon (lit: i can take off my panties) bc i was 14!! i wasn't THINKING anything secxual!! it was a song about growing up to me! so my dumb ass showed my dad bc i was proud of the art itself and he got really weird and intense and close and was like "what are you going to do when you take off your panties?" which. ew. gross. fuck off. oh and that one time i fell asleep on the sofa and i guess i had a sex dream or smth which i didnt think anything of until my dad randomly got intense and weird again and asked if i "had any interesting dreams" that night (which he never usually does ffs). oh and he fully called ma tease relatively recently actually, and said i should call my (now ex) boyfriend "daddy", has referred to himself as my "daddy" in THAT godawful tone and makes frequent BDSM jokes towards his sister which is just an example of the verbal shit i had to put up with and idk how anyone in the room when it happens can excuse it but to them i guess its one weird thing he said they can brush off bc they don't realise i had to hear it CONSTANTLY and deal with what he DID to and they didn't see the scary moments. i also remember reading a magazine article about incest/csa when i was like 11ish?? and idk WHAT it triggered but my absolute fear of my dad/older men in general kind of started after that and my mum always said it was reading the magazine that did it but bro i dont think one thing like that can elicit a decade or so of consistent fight or flight mode I think my body remembered stuff that I can't.
Jesus fucking christ thats the most concise way i've ever actually described that. idk if anyone can relate or anything. also honestly now that he's been relatively "good" for a few years now in terms of how he speaks to me i don't really get the fear response anymore. and i'm dependent on him for finances and medical stuff so its. whatever. i guess. i'm fucking terrified that if i ever have a daughter he'll pull the same shit (hence basically nuking my body with birth control lmao) and luckily my brother's kids are both boys so i don't believe he's a threat to them if he didnt treat my brothers the same way he did me ygm? but idk what i can actually do about it
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