vamp0rivm

[vamp0rivm]

hey gang… little update

so anyone who’s actually following me knows that my shit takes five years to get updated 😔 that’s cuz i’m a university student, i’m doing a stem course at a pretty prestigious school which is rlly, RLLY fucking hard, and i don’t rlly get free time to write anymore BUT i still rlly want to!!! it’s one of my favourite pastimes and im a 24/7 horny fag dyke 😛 so trust… will get done eventually, but it will unfortunately always take time, i’ve actually got a little bit of free time this coming weekend so i’ll probably get the next chapter of beyond love out on sunday or in the coming week, so look out for that!!!

that series is almost done btw, i think maybe two more chapters max, so after that i’ll probably just be doing like drabbles and requests - speaking of which, i had a couple of requests in my inbox which tumblr unfortunately like ate and shat out ig? not rlly sure what happened there but they were old as hell so not sure if anyone still wants anything written. if u do, just send them again and i’ll get round to it!

thanks!!! love u hoes!!! 💗

[vamp0rivm]

IT LOOKS FUCKING RED

dyeing my hair purple!!!!!!!!!! 💥

[vamp0rivm]

dyeing my hair purple!!!!!!!!!! 💥

[vamp0rivm]

✮ 𝚅𝙰𝙻'𝚂 𝙴𝙼𝙿𝙾𝚁𝙸𝚄𝙼 ✮

✮ 𝙰𝙱𝙾𝚄𝚃 𝙼𝙴!

- 𝚅𝚊𝚕, 20, 𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚋𝚒𝚊𝚗, 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚛𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚖𝚊𝚜𝚌 𝚘𝚛 𝚏𝚎𝚖, a𝚚𝚞𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚞𝚜 (?) 𝚒𝚍𝚔 𝚊𝚗𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚋𝚝 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 𝚜𝚒𝚐𝚗𝚜, 𝚋𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚜𝚑 𝚕𝚘𝚕

✮ 𝙱𝙻𝙾𝙶 𝚁𝚄𝙻𝙴𝚂!

- 𝙼𝙳𝙽𝙸, z𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚜 𝙳𝙽𝙸, n𝚘 𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚒𝚜𝚖, 𝚑𝚘𝚖𝚘𝚙𝚑𝚘𝚋𝚒𝚊, 𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚜𝚙𝚑𝚘𝚋𝚒𝚊, 𝚋𝚒𝚐𝚘𝚝𝚛𝚢 𝚘𝚛 𝚑𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚜𝚙𝚎𝚎𝚌𝚑 𝚘𝚏 𝚊𝚗𝚢 𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚍

✮ ���𝙴𝚀𝚄𝙴𝚂𝚃 𝚁𝚄𝙻𝙴𝚂!

- 𝚁𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚜 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚠𝚊𝚢𝚜 𝚘𝚙𝚎𝚗 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝙸 𝚖𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚝𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚊 𝚠𝚑𝚒𝚕𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖

- 𝙸𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞'𝚛𝚎 𝚞𝚗𝚜𝚞𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝙸'𝚖 𝚘𝚔𝚊𝚢 𝚠𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚛 𝚗𝚘𝚝, 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙸'𝚕𝚕 𝚕𝚎𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠! 𝙽𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕 𝚝𝚘𝚘 𝚜𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚊𝚜𝚔; 𝙸 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚎, 𝙸'𝚍 𝚗𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚘𝚏𝚏𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚍 𝚘𝚛 𝚊𝚗𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐.

- 𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙸'𝚖 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚘𝚔𝚊𝚢 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑: 𝙽𝚘𝚗-𝚌𝚘𝚗/𝚛𝚊𝚙𝚎, 𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚎𝚜𝚝, 𝚍𝚍𝚕𝚐, 𝚛𝚘𝚘𝚏𝚒𝚎𝚜, 𝚙𝚎𝚝 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚢, 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚙𝚒𝚜𝚜, 𝚜𝚌𝚊𝚝, 𝚊𝚋𝚞𝚜𝚎

✮ 𝚁𝙴𝙲𝙴𝙽𝚃 𝚆𝙾𝚁𝙺𝚂

- 𝚋𝚎𝚢𝚘𝚗𝚍 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚌𝚑.𝟺

[vamp0rivm]

she still cares. ౨ৎ hurt/comfort fic

ellie w x f!reader

even after an argument, Ellie’s constant love pulls you close when a nightmare shakes you awake, reminding you she’s always there.

warnings ౨ৎ word count 1.8k, estblashed relationship, hurt/comfort, previous argument, angst w/ happy ending, nightmare of loosing your pet (r, dream isnt real)

You stood in front of the bathroom mirror, your hands working through the familiar motions of your skincare routine. The quiet of the apartment was almost soothing, except for the tightness in your chest—the leftover sting from the argument you’d had earlier.

It had been dumb. So dumb. A small disagreement over nothing, and yet somehow, you’d both ended up shouting, saying things neither of you meant. The silence that followed was worse than the fight itself. Both of you have yet to apologize to one another, the argument still fresh.

You were slathering some moisturizer onto your face when you heard the door creak open behind you. You froze for a moment, fingers hovering near your face as Ellie stepped into the bathroom, her gaze flicking over to you briefly before she grabbed her toothbrush. The silence between you two stretched taut.

You didn’t look at her. You couldn’t. You focused instead on smoothing out your skin cream, trying to ignore the way the space between you both felt thicker than it should.

Ellie, already halfway into brushing her teeth, seemed equally determined to keep her attention on the task at hand. She stood awkwardly by the sink, her gaze avoiding yours as if it was the hardest thing to do. You could hear the quiet rasp of the toothbrush, the swish of water, but neither of you spoke. Not a single word.

You finished your routine quickly, your hands moving mechanically, and grabbed a towel to dry your face. Ellie’s toothbrush made a soft tapping noise against the sink as she finished up, and the two of you stood there, side by side, doing your best not to acknowledge how close the other one was. The tension in the room was suffocating, heavy with unspoken words.

You muttered something about going to bed and turned to leave, but as you did, you both seemed to move at the same time—Ellie stepping back just as you tried to sidestep her. You both bumped into each other awkwardly, your shoulder brushing hers.

"Sorry," you said quickly, glancing up at her for the first time in hours.

Ellie didn't look at you. She just shook her head, a tight, clipped response that didn’t really sound like her. "It's fine."

You quickly left the bathroom, trying to ignore the lump forming in your throat. You walked into the bedroom, pulling back the blankets and crawling into bed, facing away from her. Your back was stiff, your body tense as you tried to settle in. The argument still felt so fresh, the sting of the things you’d both said weighing heavily on your chest.

You tried to push it away, focusing on the feeling of the soft sheets, the quiet night around you. But it didn’t help. Not really. Your mind kept racing, the images of Ellie’s face when she was angry, her frustration… it all came rushing back, making it hard to breathe.

You heard the soft rustling of sheets, and then Ellie’s footsteps. She didn’t speak. She just crawled into bed beside you, a few inches of space between you both.

You turned your face into the pillow, your back still to her, pretending you were fine. You weren’t fine. You were both hurting, and the space between you felt more like an ocean than a few feet.

Minutes passed. The only sound was the soft shuffle of her movements as she adjusted, trying to get comfortable. You didn’t look back at her. Didn’t say anything. And she didn’t either.

But the quiet felt wrong. It wasn’t the comfortable silence you usually shared, where you could fall asleep to each other’s presence without needing words. No, this was different. This silence was heavy.

You could feel the warmth of her body near yours, the ache in your chest growing with every breath. It was like your hearts were reaching out to each other but just couldn’t find a way to cross the distance.

The night dragged on, but sleep refused to come. You twisted and turned in the sheets, trying to ignore the knot in your stomach. The images of the argument replayed in your mind, over and over until you fell asleep.

And then, like a sudden wave crashing over you in your sleep, the nightmare hit.

You jolted awake with a gasp, your breath sharp and frantic, as if your lungs couldn’t catch up with your panic. Your heartbeat hammered in your chest, a cold sweat prickling on your skin. You couldn’t breathe, couldn’t focus on anything but the flashing images from your dream. Your pet had died. Images and memories from real life had flashed in your mind like you attended a funeral.

Tears sprang to your eyes, your chest tightening as you started to sob, your body trembling violently. The grief hadn’t left you, and you couldn’t escape it, not even in the safety of your own bed.

Beside you, Ellie stirred. She shifted under the covers and then froze. The next thing you knew, her hand was on your back, warm and steady, her voice soft and calm in the dark.

"Hey," Ellie’s voice was gentle, but you could hear the worry in it, the quiet concern. "It’s okay. You’re okay."

You couldn't speak. You couldn’t say anything as you pressed your face into your pillow, your body still shaking with the aftershocks of the nightmare. You felt her move closer, and then her arms wrapped around you, pulling you against her chest. Her warmth seeped into you, grounding you as you tried to catch your breath.

"I’m here," Ellie whispered, her voice so soft, so steady. "I’ve got you."

You clung to her without thinking, your fingers digging into the fabric of her shirt as you let yourself fall apart in her arms. She didn’t pull away. She didn’t say anything about the argument. She just held you, and she did for as long as it took until your panic had calmed down.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked softly. You shook your head no, face rubbing against her loose sleep shirt. A silence filled the space after and your mind got all the more poisoned from your previous argument. Despite what you said, despite the hurt you had caused her, here she was comforting you, letting everything before fall away. It made your heart burn all the more, guilt creeping up making you want to cry again.

"I’m sorry," you whispered, your voice muffled by the fabric of her shirt. "I didn’t mean… I didn’t mean anything of what I said earlier."

Ellie’s hand smoothed over your back in slow, comforting strokes, like she had done so many times before. "I know," she murmured. "Me too."

You could feel her breath against your hair, her chest rising and falling steadily beneath you. "I love you," Ellie said softly, her words almost drowned out by the steady rhythm of her heartbeat.

"I love you too," you whispered back, your voice hoarse but real.

And just like that, the space between you was gone. The argument, the silence, the fear—none of it mattered anymore. All that mattered was the warmth of her arms around you, the feeling of being home, even when everything else was a little broken.

As you both lay there, tangled up in each other, you knew that despite the fight, despite everything, Ellie would always be there for you. And you would always be there for her.

[vamp0rivm]

WHAT THE FUCK WAS I DOING

got rlly high last night and thought i was the universe coming into creation by the noise in my ears compressing into a sharper and sharper beep before like exploding im being so deadass

[vamp0rivm]

got rlly high last night and thought i was the universe coming into creation by the noise in my ears compressing into a sharper and sharper beep before like exploding im being so deadass

[vamp0rivm]

Can u do a drabble or hcs on cuddling Ellie?

Ur writing is so good I love everything U write :>

WREATHE

warnings: not much, mostly fluff, basically the rq, mdni with my account tho😏

a/n: IM SO SORRY THIS HAS BEEN IN MY INBOX FOR I KID YOU NOT LIKE HALF A YEAR IM GENUINELY SO SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME 😰 thank you so much for sending the rq even though i took the piss responding, also this is a drabble bc i don’t think i’d be good at doing hcs 😭 i have some shit coming up at uni so i prolly won’t put anything out for a while but i have an idea for a new fic in the drafts !!! very excited…

ramadan has started which means israel’s violence against the Palestinian people will worsen as it does every year, purely for the sake of inflicting even more psychological torture on them. please, now more than ever, pray for them if you’re religious, talk about palestine, boycott, protest, strike, donate if you can, contact the people in charge. don’t let people forget. here’s a link to some details on the situation. everybody stay safe 💗.

10:47 - you return from a strenuous day of patrol and odd jobs around Jackson. You’re slightly tipsy, a drink or two from the Tipsy Bison churning a pool of warmth within your stomach.

The place is stagnant when you push the door open, as if coming home to nobody.

Ellie must’ve gone to bed early today.

You drift to the bathroom despite the fact that the house feels apocalyptic, and sit in the gentle rush of water, scrubbing your skin weakly with aching arms.

When you enter your room, everything is still, except for the rhythmic rise and fall of Ellie’s figure beneath the covers on the bed backed against the wall.

You throw the dampened towel that is slung over your shoulder carelessly and walk over to the bed, gently settling beside her.

For a while, you feel content. Sleep is lulling you in, the room is shadowy, the bed is warm, and the sound of Ellie’s deep-sleep-breaths (totally not snores at all, she swears) are soft like TV static in the back of your mind.

Your eyes are on the verge of fluttering closed for the last time tonight so you turn onto your side and nestle into yourself.

Then, there’s a harsh jolt and the bed shifts. You can feel Ellie’s puzzled gaze raking over you, the realisation that you’re home setting in, and your lips twist into a smile subconsciously. The night rarely ends without the inebriating buzz of affection.

A quiet sigh escapes the enclosure of her blush-pink lips before she reclines into the pillows once more, eyes never leaving the still curvature of your figure. Not a moment passes and her arms encircle your waist, warmth embracing your torso and pressing against your hair like a wreathe of absolute comfort.

A barely audible mumble tickles the helix of your ear,

“Hey, babe,” accompanied by the phantom touch of her lips against your cheeks in her half-asleep state. You scrunch your nose before turning into the love she offers you.

“Hey, Els.”

You begin to mumble butterfly details about the happenings of the day as you feel the surface of her skin raise with goosebumps under the delicate tracing of your fingertips - down her bare thighs, along the round of her hip, along her stomach and under her boobs - easing airy chuckles out of her.

“Whatcha doin’?”

“Hm? Nothin’…”

You can already picture the smirk on her dazed face,

“Ya sure there? You want somethin’, babe?”

A playful scoff and she’s looking at you with feigned shock against the weight of tired eyelids,

“Can’t I feel you? I just wanna be close to you,”

“I’d say we’re pretty close, ya know?”

“Never close enough,” you clarify and the rasp of her laugh fades into silence and she presses a kiss onto your head, and then another, straining her neck till she’s face to flushed and grinning face, stringing a blizzard of soft, dewy kisses across it.

“Alright, alright!”

“One more- mwah,” she smacks her lips against your scrunched up mouth aggressively, leaving a gross patch of saliva, and smiles dumbly to herself, tightening the hold of her arms around you to which you groan.

Tight against her gentle sway, she mutters a quiet confirmation,

“Never close enough,” and then runs the rough pads of her fingertips along the expanse of your skin, lingering a moment on your thighs.

It’s like the rustle of a spring breeze and it draws your eyes to a close.

As you drift further from the surface, you feel the soft tingle of Ellie’s foot nudging your ankle and the distant haze of her voice whispering,

“You sure you don’t want anything, baby?” and you’re asleep.

also, absolutely no one asked for this but here are some pictures of my fat ass cat (cutest patootie evah 😆😆):

[vamp0rivm]

Desperate Plea: A Call For Relife‼️ 🥀

Hello, It's Momen Al Madhoun, writing from the most miserable area in the whole world, I am deeply thankful to all of you. Your support means the world to my family

🍉🍉🍉 I urgently plead you to keep sharing our campaign with your friends, family, and acquaintances

15 months have passed as if it were 15 years, and suffering increasing day after day 😔 Our health is decaying, we have NO IMMUNITY to fight diseases. No healthy food to feed our worn cells. Finding a quiet, clean place for us to get some rest is IMPOSSIBLE! I'm in urgent need of serious financial support so that I can take action and save my family! Our faces speak the misery we're going through! my children can't bear the ruthlessness of war life… pain and cold does not allow either of them to sleep 💔

I found in drawing a way to relieve stress and describe what we are experiencing, but even this i was deprived of, due to the difficulty of obtaining good internet and electricity for a sufficient time If you are interested in art, you can check I my blog I and find my artworks, i hope you will share them and support me to continue fighting and trying Every share and donation brings us one step closer to saving my family's lives. Your support, no matter how small, holds the power to rescue my loved ones from grave danger There are no words can describe how many times we have been displaced The situation we're living now is really hard to imagine Where do we Go?

Imagine the vastness of this universe, we cannot escape to a safe place far from the war

🍉🍉🍉 We rely on your donations to have a shelter and provide basic daily necesseties. We need your contributions and support with us, no matter how small it may be for you, but it makes a difference for my family 🙏🏻 Please, Support us with 5$, 10$, or any donation you can make and it will be really appreciated 🙏🏻

🌟 Our campaign is vetted by 🇵🇸 @/gazavetters List at #291

Donation link 🙏🏻

[vamp0rivm]

hmmm time to change my username

[vamp0rivm]

The ceasefire agreement was reached and joy is floating among the Palestinian people

[vamp0rivm]

💀 I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO OBTAIN PERMISSION CUZ I LITERALLY HAVE NEVER WRITTEN A SAD ENDING BUT I RLLY WANT TO LIKE I WANT IT TO END MISERABLY

[vamp0rivm]

LOLLLLL

ao3 is WHAT??

[vamp0rivm]

💀 I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO OBTAIN PERMISSION CUZ I LITERALLY HAVE NEVER WRITTEN A SAD ENDING BUT I RLLY WANT TO LIKE I WANT IT TO END MISERABLY

[vamp0rivm]

‼️‼️Please Don’t Skip Me‼️‼️

Dear Humanity,

I’m Amal, a mother of three, living in the unbearable nightmare that is Gaza. Every day feels like a struggle for survival under the weight of this ongoing genocide.

My family has been torn apart by violence. Israeli drone strikes targeted my husband, Fayez, and my son, Mohammad. While my husband’s condition has stabilized, my son’s life is still in grave danger. He is suffering immensely and urgently needs medical treatment outside of Gaza, treatment that we can’t get here.

I’ve already lost most of my family in this senseless war. I am terrified that I will lose my son too. 🥺

Please, I’m begging you—help us. Every donation, no matter how small, can make a difference. Share this plea and contribute if you can. You are our hope in these darkest of times.

Mohammad deserves to live a healthy and happy life, just like every other child on this earth. Please help me give him that chance.

Donate now:👇

https://gofund.me/46d97a28

✅️My campaign is vetted by gaza-evacuation-funds (#355)✅️

.

[vamp0rivm]

garden daisy (part 2) // ellie williams

*･゜ﾟ･* summary: ellie makes a new friend, and you feel all weird about it.

*･゜ﾟ･* pairing: modern!ellie x reader

*･゜ﾟ･* content: sfw

*･゜ﾟ･* length: 1.6k

this is part two of this series! find part one here

okay so i feel like the way i've organized this series is kind of confusing as it started as a random blurb... technically part one is this blurb however the real story starts in the xmas fic! the blurb just kind of exists floating around somewhere before the events of that and sets up the dynamic. call it part 0.5 i guess. also i'm so sorry if ur name is haley it was genuinely the first name i thought of hahaha

after christmas, once you’re all settled back into life at college, ellie gets a new job. it’s just a few shifts a week at a music store, but she seems to be enjoying it. you’re happy for her; it’s nice to see her getting out of the apartment more, doing something that allows her to be in her element.

but then she starts mentioning a girl she works with. like, a lot.

“dude, look at what haley sent me today, i was dying.”

“haley had, like, the coolest shirt on at work.”

“oh my god, so i found out haley likes comics, too.”

at first, it doesn’t really bother you. then, it’s a case of you trying not to let it bother you. why even should it? she’s allowed to make new friends; her life doesn’t revolve around you.

still, you don’t like the way your chest starts to twist every time she gets mentioned, every time you see ellie smiling at her phone. you can hear them on facetime frequently through the thin walls of your apartment, and you more often than not end up shoving your headphones in to drown it out.

they start spending time together outside of work, too. she mentions that they’re going to see an exhibit together on a shared day off, and it takes everything for you to look up from your laptop, give her a tight smile and utter, “cool.”

you can tell she’s a bit dispirited by your reaction, like she’s debating saying something. she leaves it, though, just nodding once and pursing her lips before walking away. you kick yourself for it immediately — wishing you’d tried harder to appear enthusiastic for her. you’re worried it could be the seed of a wedge being driven.

it’s not like she’s completely neglected your friendship. you live together. you see her every day. she still gently knocks at your ajar door, poking her head around and asking if you want to watch a movie with her. you make dinner together on friday nights, something you’d done since you moved out of the dorms and got a semi-decent place.

you’re just so used to it being the two of you. sure, you both have other friends, but you’re best friends. you can’t help but feel a little uneasy all of a sudden someone new is making their way up the ladder, ellie not having quite as much time for you anymore.

at least, that’s what you tell yourself the reason is. you know the real one.

you eventually meet the esteemed haley when she comes over to hang out, and to your petty dismay she well and truly lives up to the boasting. you’ve seen pictures of her (as in, you found her on instagram and stalked her at two in the morning), but she’s even prettier in person. she’s sweet, too, giving you a hug and saying how great it is to finally meet you. ellie talks about you all the time, apparently.

the evening’s spent with the tv on, a few drinks sipped. you’re on one side of the couch, ellie on the other, new friend in the middle. you hate how genuinely likeable she is; she goes out of her way to speak to you, asking you questions about yourself and chatting jovially when you find common ground. she’s cool, smart, witty — it’s impossible not to compare yourself, and feel subpar. like old news.

and you wish you weren’t, but you’re reading into every little thing. the way the two of them easily bounce off of each other’s jokes, the way you can see even where you’re from how ellie’s eyes light up when she looks at her. deciding three’s a crowd and you’re just hurting your own feelings, you call it pretty early.

when you stand after finishing your drink and announce that you’re going to bed, you note the way that ellie’s face drops. “oh… really?”

you scrunch your nose, trying to sound untroubled. “yeah, i’m kinda tired, so…”

“m’kay,” she replies, chewing slightly at the inside of her cheek. she knows you better than that. since you first met, you’ve never been ‘kinda tired’ by nine.

after a pause and a quick look back and forth between the two of you, haley gives you a smile, reiterating her earlier statement. “well, it was so nice to meet you, anyway.”

you return it, nodding. your eyes flit to ellie for a split-second. “yeah, you too. see you both later.”

with that, you place your glass in the sink across the room and head off down the hall.

you change and get ready for bed, although the plan was never to sleep. you’re nestled under a blanket, lights dim and a candle burning as you keep your eyes trained on the bullshit stream of youtube videos you’d put on. you’re not really paying attention, mind well and truly elsewhere; simultaneously feeling sorry for yourself, and like the most petty, mean person in the world.

you feel pathetic for wishing ellie’s new friend wasn’t so easy to get along with. she came off as a nice person, and not in a sickly, fabricated way. you could understand how she’d easily tugged ellie out of her shell. a part of yourself had been secretly hoping she was irritating, or bitchy, or weird towards you — you just wanted something to latch onto, something to validate all the uncomfortable emotions that had been swirling ever since she became prominent.

but there was nothing. now all you’re left with is a weird bitterness towards a perfectly normal, sweet girl, her only crime being fetching up a childish possessiveness within you.

you don’t even understand why you’re like this over her in particular; ellie was always an introvert, but it wasn’t like she was a complete recluse. she’d had a serious girlfriend in high school, seen a couple of girls your first year of college, and you don’t remember feeling anywhere near how you are right now. you just guessed you didn’t have as much understanding of how you looked at her back then, combined with the domesticity of now having your own real place luring you into a warped way of thinking.

you hear haley leave around an hour and a half after you’d taken yourself to bed, followed by ellie shuffling around the kitchen space. the tap runs and there are a few clinks as she washes then places the three glasses to dry, hitting the lights off. her room’s further down the hall from yours, and she hesitates as she’s making her way there.

a few light taps sound from the other side of the door. “you asleep?”

“… no,” you call out softly, watching as it cracks open and ellie picks her way in. wordlessly, she plops herself onto the bed next to you, arm behind her head. you shift away a little, offering her more room.

“what’re you watching?”

“uh…” grabbing the remote, you pause the video for a beat so the title shows. you’re not even sure; you’d just selected the first you saw, then let the rest autoplay. “… ‘six most disturbing forest encounters caught on camera’.”

she chuckles. “spooky.”

“eh… they’re all fake.” you look up at her, smiling a little.

“could’ve fooled me.”

“i’m sure,” you laugh lightly, feeling the need to turn away when she goes to meet your eyes.

it’s quiet for a while, but you can sense she wants to say something. it’s not like one of the times she waltzes into your room simply to hang out, sit at the side of one another peacefully.

“you okay?” she eventually asks gently, turning her head to regard you. you don’t meet it.

“yeah, i’m fine.”

“you sure? ‘cause… i don’t know. you seem a little…”

“i’m all good.” glancing up, you offer an unconvincing, flickery smile. “don’t worry.”

“… okay.”

you can tell it offers no comfort, but she doesn’t push it. just settles further into the bed, scratching at her chin.

her eyes dart from the tv screen to the wall, then back to you. “haley’s cool, right? guessed you guys would get along.”

“yeah, she seems nice.”

she’s really not being subtle; but then again, neither are you. you’d been perfectly friendly while you were all together, but the way you’d disappeared coupled with your increasingly half-hearted responses whenever she was brought up pointed elsewhere.

“seriously, what’s up?” she turns onto her side to face you, resting her head on her arm. “i don’t like this.”

you roll your eyes, sighing as you turn, mirroring her. “it’s stupid.”

“what’s stupid?”

your mind flashes with a million ways you can get an overview of your feelings out, without having to tell her the root cause. “i don’t know, i’m just… like, used to it being… y’know, me and you.”

she pulls a face, letting out a fond scoff and furrowing her brow. “what do you mean?”

a tiny groan sounds from your throat, fingertips rubbing at your eye. “i’m just being stupid. fuckin’ embarrassing.”

laughing quietly again, she narrows her eyes a little. “what, are you, like… jealous?”

“no, i just… i don’t know. ignore me.” you’re trying to ignore the way you can feel your cheeks heat up when she says that word. you’d known all along that’s what you were, but being confronted with it is a whole other sensation entirely.

she doesn’t say anything for a moment, just keeps a small smirk on her face and looks down. “that is stupid.”

“right. thanks.”

“no, like…” subconsciously shuffling closer, her leg brushes yours. she quickly moves it. “dude, i can have other friends, but no-one’s gonna be you.”

you blink, thrown by her sincerity. you’d half-expected her to poke a little fun, call you a dumbass. she continues, your eyes meeting hers as she settles her head into the palm of her hand. “you’re always gonna be my best friend.”

yeah, i know, you think. that’s the problem.

[vamp0rivm]

IM GETTING SO HIGH TONIGHT FUCK YESSS